#that was just a regular water fountain at the beginning. are the kids gonna be ok

[itissadbutitsmy-artblog]

the whole plot confuses me can someone please get a plumber out there

[specialmindz]

“Mmm *POMP!* this some good milk, Snas,” said Papyrus, shuffling around in his brother’s makeshift backpack. It wasn’t very comfortable, but as long as he didn’t have to crawl…

“eh, i prefer hot chocolate myself,” replied Sans. “glad you like your milk baby bro, i was worried about how it’d do in the microwave cause’ of all the chemicals, but you’re not dead yet so…”

“Daddy say is okay to put mah super milk in da’ mikeywave…or is I baby guinea pig?” Papyrus narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

“guinea pigs are cute pap!”

“…”

Sans blew on his hot chocolate for what seemed like the sixth time. He didn’t put his drink in the microwave like Papyrus’s, he preferred to use boiled water as the cold weather of Snowdin usually cooled it off without him having to do anything.

Today though, they weren’t going to Snowdin, plans had changed.

Alphys had always had a messy workspace, but the Nursery, according to her, was in worse shape. FAR worse shape. She didn’t mind the broken toys scattered everywhere seeing as it wasn’t her room, but the fact that the toys came from the Dump meant they smelled terrible. Sans and the rest of the family were either nose-blind to it, or simply didn’t care, but Alphys couldn’t stand it. She complained weekly about the stench, claiming it was getting worse and worse, seeping from underneath the Nursery door and distracting her from work, but no one would do anything about it.

Today, SHE took the initiative and decided to spray the Nursery with every air freshener they had, making it impossible and even dangerous to sleep in the room; that meant that not only did they have to find a new place to sleep, but Baby Papyrus also missed his nap.

Not good.      

“You an idiot,” mumbled the cranky infant, unhappy to be a baby guinea pig.

“whatever.”

“Lazy idiot stink head with stupid broke gloves…”

“heh ha! they’re not broke pappy, that’s how they’re SUPPOSED to look. these are fingerless gloves,” explained Sans, hoping to laugh away his irritation. Papyrus wasn’t having it though.

“Your gloves dumb like you.”

“they’re not dumb! i think they make me look cool…”

“They make you look homeless. I half aspect you to be shaking a tin can around, asking for monies.”

“Screw you, Papyrus.”

“Is I your bindle, big Buther? You’s supposed to carry me on a stick…”

“SHUT UP, PAPYRUS.”

“Can you do da’ har-mon-ica? Pay a song for the baby.”

The young comedian quickened his pace towards the Resort Area. “i’ll pay you a beating, you keep mouthing off,” mumbled Sans under his breath.  

“Ooooh, Buther think he tough now cause’ he gots biker gloves! Nyeh heh heh, what gang you from, Snas? Pussies of Anarchy? Renegade Rejects?”

San didn’t reply, he merely pushed open the doors of the Resort and went inside, not wanting to travel all the way to Snowdin’s hotel or teleport whilst carrying his brother in a bag rather than his arms. He knew for a fact that anything touching his body would travel with him, but what about the things that weren’t? Or the things he wasn’t holding on to purposely?

It’s not like I’ve ever lost anything in my pockets when I take my shortcuts, but I still don’t feel comfortable with something so precious in such a flimsy bag…

“Harlem’s Asshats?”

Hm…maybe “precious” isn’t the right word to use for Pap.  

Sans grimaced as Papyrus continued to complain and come up with more insulting gang names. He himself was a complainer when HE didn’t get enough sleep, but Papyrus?

“Big-butted Bums of Bloomington!”

His brother REALLY sucked when he missed his nap. He was loud, angry, and mean. Babies weren’t supposed to miss their daily naps and baby bones already had hot tempers to begin with…

TA-TAP, TA-TAP!

The Receptionist, a monster with a giant hand in place of her head, tapped her red painted nails on the counter impatiently, a strange sight for those who weren’t used to seeing it. “Do you need a room you two?”

TA-TAP, TA-TAP!

“No, I needs a doctor cause’ Snas give me irradiated milk!” Papyrus tried to point his finger accusingly at his brother, but found it next to impossible in his current position, so instead he threw his bottle on the ground.

“NYEH!”

CAP, CAP!

It bounced along the tile floor, empty despite his whining, and rolled to a stop before a janitor, who kindly picked it up. “Ah-hawww, looks like you’ve got a fussy baby on your hands!” chuckled the employee, returning the bottle.

CAP, CAP, CAP!

“HAHAHAHA!”

“PAPYRUS! i’m so sorry sir-”

“Oh, don’t be, it’s what I get paid for after all! It’s best you get that little guy to bed though…”

“NOT TIRED!”

Sans took the bottle from the janitor and put it in his pocket. Even if his brother were telling the truth, he knew the Lying Font was still going to ACT tired, and a tired baby was a cranky baby. For Papyrus, a missed nap was all the excuse in the world to be a douche, and Sans would rather fork over 400g then listen to his crap.

Lucky for us, children get discounts.

TA-TAP, TA-TAP!

“STOP HEADBUTTING DA’ TABLE NAIL LADY! IF AZZY NOT ALLOWED TO, YOU NOT ALLOWED TO!”

“E-excuse me?”

“just ignore him, miss-”

“When Azzy be small like me, he used to headbutt the desk. You not remember Nail-Lady? You was all like, ‘STOP ATTACKING THE DESK GOAT-BABY!’ and Moo-Mom say, ‘HOW DARE YOU YELL AT MAH BABY LIKE DAT!?’ and then Fluffy Buns say ‘settle down now ladies, is not that serious,” said Papyrus, voice acting each line. He’d been doing that a lot as of late, trying to “perfect his mimicry for when he got big” and by extension, he ended up disturbing those unfortunate enough to hear him. Asgore’s loud booming voice coming from such a small baby was…eerie…and it was even worse when he decided to imitate Sans...

The receptionist doesn’t have a face, but I bet she’s as uncomfortable as I am right now.

…

…

How do I get bro to stop talking though?

“…Then you got all mad Nail-Lady and say ‘HE DO DIS ERYTIME HE HERE! WHY YOU CAN’T CONTROL YO’ KID? ERYBODY ELSE CONTROL THEIR KID! YOU THINK JUST CAUSE’ YOU THE KING YOU CAN DESTROY? NOT ERYBODY WICH LIKE YOU!”

“…I actually DO remember,” said the receptionist. “Someone, who used to do that. Yes…there was a small child with an entitled mother who used to headbutt and jump atop the furniture…”

Who was that?

“Yep! I’s there too with Chara, so I knows! You and the Moo Lady used to argue about discounts-”

“Oh my goodness, you’re right!” the woman suddenly remembered. “There was a woman who claimed she should only have to pay the regular 400g because you weren’t her child and THEN she got upset when I AGREED and asked you for 200g-”

“HOW YOU GONNA ASK A BABY FOR MONIES? BABIES SHOULD GET IN FREE! YOU DOESN’T EVEN GOTS CWIBS!”  

“That’s EXACTLY how it went, every single time. It was always the same argument.” The monster, who prided herself on her professionalism, could feel herself getting angry all over again, her old forgotten hatred bubbling to the surface. She couldn’t stand the Royal Family. The Entitled Mother, the Spinless Husband, the Destructive Child…and if she recalled, the human they adopted was an actual thief…

“Yep, and Chara was all like ‘don’t be a bitch, bitch’ and da’ Cow Lady say ‘I agwees, but I doesn’t ah-pea-ciate yo’ language my child,’ and Chara go ‘I was talking to youuuu-”

“hey pap-”

“Fluffy Buns smacked them right on the butt! It was funny.”

“Yes…Chara was their name…the thieving human who kept getting in trouble with security. They would go into other people’s rooms and take their things like it was okay and the mother-”

“She say, ‘Oh Chara just curious, you should be more patient wit yo’ customers! Da’ world of monsters be new to them ya’ know? They just a child…!”

“…”

Sans didn’t know how she was doing it, but he could have sworn he heard growling coming from the woman’s direction.

“ha ha…hey uh, bro? let’s just get us a room already, yeah? i’m sure the receptionist here is busy-”

“TWO WOOMS PEAS!” yelled the infant. “One for the baby and one for the Pussy of Anarchy.”

“damnit pap…!”

“Very well, that’ll be 400g then.”

Glaring over his shoulder, Sans forked over the money and headed to their room. “now bro, there are other people in this resort so try not to be a dick, alright? we need to be quiet-”

“WAIT SNAS!” the baby bones picked himself up out of the bag with his wingdings. “I gots to visit the fountain real quick.”

“Oh uh, please don’t urinate in the fountain,” said the receptionist raising a finger. “The rooms have toilets in them.”

“I’s not a gross peepee-baby Nail-Lady, don’t you know a cute widdle skelly when you sees one? I’s looking for coins-”

“Absolutely not!” cried the woman, her tone taking a sudden turn. “This fountain is a memorial to…someone. It is strictly forbidden to gather the coins within, read the sign!” The monster pointed at a sign that said “Stay Out of the Fountain.” Apparently, people were so desperate, they were stealing G from the memorial…

“I NEEDS EM’ TO PAY SNAS BACK!” yelled Papyrus, wondering how much 200g was.

“READ. THE. SIGN. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!” she replied, shouting just as loud. Clearly theft was a daily problem for her.

“heh heh, you don’t need to pay me back lil’ bro, thanks though.”

That was…unexpectedly sweet.

“I’s not a deadbeat big Buther…also, I can’t reads so dat sign don’t apply to me.”

“THAT’S NOT HOW THAT WORKS!”

“you do too know how to read, quit your lying pap,” said Sans chuckling.

“I’s not lying, I’s a baby and babies don’t read. Erybody knows that! Isn’t that right Nail- Lady?”

“I just told you what it said, get away from that fountain!”

“Babies also have poor memor-ies. I doesn’t remember what you said,” Papyrus used his wingdings to scoop up a handful of coins and deposited them into his onesie to count later. “I’s very sorry for da’ inco-venience.”

“PUT THOSE BACK OR I’LL HAVE TO ASK YOU TWO TO LEAVE!”

“uh, okay pappy this is getting serious, let’s just put the pretty coins back like the nice lady said…”

“Is serious? THEN WE SERIOUSLY WANT OUR MONIES BACK,” said Papyrus, angrily. Here he was being a good bae, paying back his big brother, (something babies did NOT have to do) and this big person wanted to yell at him?

CLEARLY, she was a baby-hater and didn’t deserve to have such cute guests staying at her gaudy hotel.

“We take back our monies and we go somewhere that ah-pea-ciates sweet babies such as ourselves. Your hotel ugly anyway…too bright, right Snas? We leave.”

“no no no, we don’t need to do that!” said Sans quickly in a panic.

“FINE, TAKE IT AND GO!”

WHAP!

The receptionist slammed the money down on the counter.

I’m so sick of serving thieves…

“wha-ho, lady! let’s just calm down alright? *sigh* geeze…” Sans scratched behind his skull. “why don’t we come to a compromise? that sound good?”

I CAN’T take Pappy to that inn in Snowdin again, I didn’t sleep at all last time!

The comedian winced, remembering the night he spent there with Papyrus. The infant didn’t like the snoring from the other guests in the room.

“Nyeh? Com-per-mize…? Waz dat?”

“it’s a negotiation,” explained Sans. “where arguing people get a little bit of what they want, so everyone’s happy…ish.”

TA-TAP! TA-TAP!

“Okay Snas, I do da’ com-per-mize cause’ I’s a good bae,” said Papyrus sweetly. Seemed he was done acting cranky for the day…or so Sans hoped.

“good boy, pappy! GOOD babies compromise allll the time.”

“No they don’t, but Imma make an ah-ception cause’ I doesn’t like the snoring baes in Snowdin. Remember them Snas? The snoring bunny baes?”

“heh heh, yep, iiiii remember.”

“You can’t tell a sweepy baby to shut the fuk up, cause’ they just babies, so we get no sweep and the Inn lady get all our monies for fee! Is a scam, I KNOWS it!”

“Put the coins back please,” said the receptionist, no longer interested in Papyrus’s stories.

“Kay’. Papyrus picked himself up out of the fountain and waddled over to the counter, his onesie jiggling with coins and leaving a wet trail behind him. I gots a good idea for a com-per-mize Nail-Lady.”

“I thought you were going to put the coins back?”

“Slow yo’ roll woman, we makes a commerize first-”

“compromise’ bro.”

Papyrus ignored him. “I’ll put the coins back like you say…and in return for being a good baby bones, I gets a fee room, kay’? Dat sound like a good commercialize?”  

“…No.”

“*pfft!* papyrus-”

“Why not Nail-Lady? It solve both our problems, yes? Why you so unreason-able?”

The receptionist sighed and hung her head, her energy for the day having been completely drained.

I forgot how terrible this infant was, all he does is talk and make things worse. Why is he even here? Doesn’t he have a mother and father to go home to?

Ugh, he’s still going...

“…Good babies get rewards Nail-Lady, is the law. Dat’s how we learns to be good people’s ya’ know? I do something good…then I gets a reward, then I be good again to get another reward. You see where I’s going with dis?”

“There’s a difference between a reward and a bribe, child-”

“I’s not a child, I’s a baby! How you gonna learn if you no listen? BIG people’s get bribes, BABIES get rewards-”

“bro, stop, it’s okay,” said Sans picking up his brother. “i’ll pay your way and if you really want to return the debt, you can pay me back with your OWN mon-”

“Except ugly babies like Snas, they get nothing.”

“…you know what? nevermind, you can sleep out here like the bum you’re destined to be." He put Papyrus back down.

“I can join your gang…?”

“no, we’re full.”

“Bums of Bloomington full?”

“yyyep.”

“Kick someone out.”

CA-CLACK!

The receptionist pressed the security button underneath her desk.

“why should i? you don’t have biker gloves and you’re mean.”

“Baby not mean! Also, I’s family and family comes first. Kick someone out.”

“no.”

CLANK, CLANK, CLANK!

The two boys stopped fighting and grew silent as a giant knight in black armor approached the counter.

“*Yawn* ………Is there a problem ma’am?”

“Yes, there is,” replied the receptionist. “That baby is stealing from the fountain…and apparently the other one is in a gang-”

“what? no i’m not! papyrus is lying!”

“Nope, is true all right. My big Buther a rebel! He drive his motorcycle around at night when is bedtime.”

“no i don’t, shut up papyrus!”

“……...Is this true?”

Sans gave the knight an irritated look, “why don’t you tell me? why don’t you tell me where i can ride a motorbike without filling the underground with carbon dioxide? why don’t you tell me where i can get one whose pedals i can even reach? where i can get one PERIOD-”    

“……...You don’t need to be a smartass.”

“…”

“………Please return the coins.”

“…”

“Why you gots so many ellipses in yo’ text Knight-Lady? You sweepy too?” The baby bones crawled over to the sleepy giant and gave her the coins in his onesie. “Here you go Heavy-Lady, now you can affords to sweep like us!”

“that’s very sweet, pappy-”

Papyrus turned to the receptionist, “NOW baby gets a fee room?”

“*sigh*”

Damnit bro…

“…No.”

“Nyeh? Why not? I WAS GOOD, GOD DAMNS IT!”

“Get out.”  

“NYEHHHHAAAAHHHH!!”

“papyrus, you don’t need to scream-”

KA-CHUR-GERGERGER!

Taking out a coin pouch, the knight poured some G onto the receptionist’s counter, “…400g right?”

“You don’t have to do that Knight Knight-”

“Yes, I do,” replied the armored monster, handing over the coins Papyrus gave her. “It’s a knight’s duty to help those in need…and we live in times where money is scarce…” She looked down at the skeletal children. “…Remember these words well…following the rules may make others happy and keep the peace, but if it comes at the cost of your or another person’s survival…ignore them.”

“…”

“…”

And with that, Knight Knight walked back to her post, leaving the receptionist alone with the two brothers.

The hand monster wasn’t angry anymore, in fact, she felt a bit guilty and embarrassed over her previous behavior. It was true that the coins in the fountain were people’s wishes…and it was part of her job to make sure people treated those wishes and the memorial with respect, but when looking at the big picture and thinking about WHY so many thieves were running about, well, it was clear who the bad guy was.

“I apologize for my previous behavior,” said the receptionist bowing low. “I’d forgotten that rules were made to help others, not act as bait for the desperate. There’s no point in a memorial if there’s no one left to honor it.”

How many people have starved to death for my job?

She winced and shook her head in an attempt to rid herself of such thoughts. What was done was done, all she could do now was change so it never happened again.

“Is okay Nail-Lady!” said Papyrus petting her back with his wingdings, “It’s your intentions dat count, not what you do.”

“that’s true. as long as you’re at least TRYING to do the right thing, you’re still a good person. mistakes are mistakes, ya’ know? you shouldn’t be punished for something you didn’t MEAN to do, ain’t that right pap?”

“Daz right big Buther! Now give us da’ key.”

“say please.”

“No.”

The woman handed the baby bones, who had taken the liberty of climbing onto the counter, the key to their room. “Please enjoy your stay.”

“YAAAASS! C’MON SNAS, IS TIME FOR YO’ NAP!”

“you mean it’s time for OUR nap, pappy.”

“NOT TIRED!”

As the boys headed to their room, the receptionist left her post and walked towards the fountain, removing the sign.

It was never put up again.

[pxnk-velvet]

The Dancing Warrior: Water, Chapter 8

(Sokka x OC Reader)

“I don’t even know where to begin!” Aunt Wu exclaimed, cradling Navani’s hand in hers.

Navani just sat on her knees with wide eyes, speechless. Not out of shock, well, maybe a little, but mostly from the fact that she just simply didn’t know what to say.

Aunt Wu continued, “My, my dear. You have much significance in your life. You are going to do great things!”

Navani opened her mouth to speak, but shied away quickly after.

Aunt Wu smiled, “I can tell you have a lot on your mind. Tell me, dear.”

“Ok...” Navani sighed, “I just have so many questions and I don’t even know if I’ll get the answers and-“

“Take a deep breath and relax. Open your mind to receiving the information I am about to tell you.” Aunt Wu instructed, taking hold of Navani’s wrists.

Navani did as told, allowing her muscles to relax, “Ok.”

“Like I mentioned before, you are on to do great things in life. Now and later in your life. You were destined for this. As well as your abilities. I can tell that when you were born, you were chosen. The planets were aligned just right and the universe allowed for the unity of two elements within you. The connection between your parents with contradicting bending types is what allowed you to obtain control over water and fire. You are one of the few dual benders known to man. The last fire and water bender known had died over 15,000 years ago. So you, my dear, are the first in quite a long time and indeed, special.”

She was officially shocked now, “How did you know? I didn’t mention anything about my bending.”

Aunt Wu chuckled, “I can tell because of your palms. Each type of bending has different feelings or textures on a palm. And you, my dear, are a perfect mix of water and fire. That’s how I know your parents has a deep connection within themselves. Because you are equally powerful bender water or fire. Even though fire is your more dominant form, you hold a lot of potential with your water bending. Not only is your bending exceptionally developed, you fight and dancing skills are like no other. Often times when doing so, the lines between the two blur. This is why you are known as The Dancing Warrior across all of the land. Many people, myself included, have seen you perform.”

Navani’s mood deflated at the small detail, maybe she was just making this all up if she already knew of her. But....she knew about her dual bending when nobody but herself, her friends, and her mother knew. She decided on letting it slide, shaking the though from her mind.

“Now, my dear, let’s move onto your future.”

Navani perked up and there was no denying that she wasn’t just the slightest bit excited for this part.

“I see in your future that you will have great impact on future generations. Inventing and teaching a whole new style of combat that will last a life time.” Aunt Wu gushed, running her fingers ove Navani’s palm like she had done before.

“You will marry a strong young man. At the moment he still has yet to mature into manhood. However his time with you will teach him many things, like how to love without fear of lose. How to be mature, yet still have a fun glow to himself. And you are very lucky, my dear, because you’ve already met him!”

Navani gasped, “I have! What’s his name?”

Aunt Wu gave a hearty chuckle, “That you’ll have to figure out for yourself, dear. Let’s continue, shall we? How about we discuss your children.”

Navani’s eyebrows raised as she nodded, surprised at the sudden switch of subject.

“You and your future husband will want a lot of children.”

Navani recoiled, “Eh. I’m not the biggest fan of children. They’re so much work.”

Aunt Wu chuckled yet again, “That change come your marriage, dear....However, for some reason, I only see two in your future. To put it frankly, you’re going to have a hard time trying. You will try time and time again but in the end you’ll only have a son and a daughter. They will both be strong individuals. They will be the ones to continue your legacy and family, enlarging it greatly.”

“Really?” Navani wondered, “So that means I’m going to have a lot of grandchildren?”

“Exactly, my dear! 5 grandsons and 2 granddaughters to be specific. They are going to have a strong bond.”

Navani smiled at the thought, “At least they have each other. Could you maybe tell me more about this guy I’m going to marry?” She pushed with a guilty smile.

===

“Welp, now you got to see that fortune telling is just a big stupid hoax!” Sokka exclaimed as the group left Aunt Wu’s place, “Right, Navani?”

“Huh?” She was so caught up in her head that she hadn’t been paying attention, walking aimlessly by Sokka’s side.

“You’re just saying that because you’re gonna make yourself unhappy your whole life.” Katara threw back at him with a smirk.

“That woman is crazy.” Sokka yelled out, “My life will be calm and happy and joyful!”

He angrily kicked a rock, only to have it ricochet off of a sign and hit him in the head.

“Oh, Sokka!” Navani rushed over to help him off the ground.

“That doesn’t prove anything!”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything! Aunt Wu told me the future is always changing with every little decision you make.” Navani explained, grabbing Sokka by the arm and hauling him up, onto his feet.

“Well, I liked my predictions.” Katara said happily, “Certain things are gonna turn out very well.”

Aang smiled, “They sure are.”

Katara turned to him with an interested look on her face, “Why? What did she tell you?”

Navani giggled as Aang responded, “Some....stuff. You’ll find out.”

“Navani,” Katara called, “What did Aunt Wu say for you?”

“Oh, well...uh,” She shied away, kicking the ground with the toe of her shoe, “She told me why I can bend two elements. And that I’m going to marry a handsome, strong guy and we’re going to have a big family together with lots of grandkids.”

“Don’t you mean regular kids?” Sokka questioned from her side. Katara quick to hit her brother’s arm for asking such a personal question.

“Apparently, in the future it’s going to be a struggle for me to have children....” The girl explained, heat rising to her cheeks as she rubbed the back of her neck, embarrassed.

At this point the group had continued walking through the small village.

Katara came quick to the rescue, “Well, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different. But you are going to have kids right?”

Navani nodded, keeping her head down, “Yeah, she said I’d have a son and daughter. I guess I’m ok with it because I don’t really like kids. But Aunt Wu said that would change once I got married.”

“Well,” Sokka turned to her, “I’m sure whoever marries you will be one lucky guy.” Only loud enough for Navani to here.

She gave a quick thanks, the blush on her cheeks before now a blazing pink.

“What did she say about your bending?” Aang asked excitedly with a little skip in his walk.

Navani perked up at this, “She said I was the first fire and water bender in over 15,000 years! And that the reason I can bend two elements in the first place is because the universe chose me! Can you believe it?”

“Wow! I wish I was specially picked by the universe.” Aang said jokingly, raising his arms to the sky.

“Aang!” The three others exclaimed with their jaws on the floor.

“What?”

Sokka shouted, “You’re the Avatar for spirits sake! What could be more special then that!”

===

After the small population of the village had gathered in the square for Aunt Wu’s prediction, which was a disaster to say the least, Navani had found herself strolling through the streets. Walking quietly as her thoughts rattled around in her head. She was thinking about everything but nothing at the same time. It was hard to focus on one thing when it had all been thrown in her face like that. She was trying her best to comprehend as much as possible. Eventually she gave up, deciding she needed to just push those thoughts aside and focus on something else. As of the moment, her stomach was speaking to her. Loudly.

Soon she found herself at a little fruit stand, looking at the colorful assortment. Deciding on some mango slices.

She picked up the little parcel, turning to the young man running the stand, “How much for the mango slices?”

The man, or boy for that matter, looked about her age and very handsome. He flashed her a warm smile and said, “It’s on the house. Some delicious mango for a beautiful lady.” He bowed lightly with a look in his eye.

She smiled brightly, cocking her head, “Why, thank you. Have a nice day.” She spoke over her shoulder as she turned to walk off. Her stomach grumbled wildly and she knew she couldn’t wait any longer, so she continued on.

She unraveled the parcel, turning the corner of a build. Only to come face first with a blue Water Tribe tunic. She fell flat on her butt, making sure her mango slices did not fall from her clutch.

“Jeez, Navani. What’s with you always running into me?” Sokka teased, taking hold of the girl and helping her into her feet.

She scoffed and nudged his shoulder playfully, falling into step with him as they walked side by side down the stree. “Me?! Maybe you should be more aware of your surroundings next time,” She retorted, taking a bite of her snack.

He laughed, “Well I’m not the one stuffing mango in my face.” She scrunched her nose, finishing off her slice and offering one to him.

He took it from her, his fingers gliding against her ever so slightly, popping it into his mouth. She continued, “I’m hungry, alright? You can’t blame a girl for a bodily function.”

They both gave hearty laughed, as they continued on with their little stroll, sharing mango slices. After a short while, Navani had taken notice to how close they were walking together. So close that every so often their knuckles would brush against each other, causing an eruption of butterflies in her stomach. Eventually they slowed as they passed a beautiful fountain. She had been admiring the water and the way it glistened in the sun when she felt his gaze on her. She turn and looked up at him, meeting his eyes. With a heart melting smile, she took his hand in hers. Giggling at the bright blush on his cheeks.

He looked down at their hands then back up at her, “You have really soft hands.”

All anyone within earshot could hear was the two teenagers laughing, simply enjoying a nice time.

[][][]

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[riddlerosehearts]

okay so i saw onward for the second time about a week ago and i’ve been wanting to make this post ever since so here it is--some things i absolutely love seeing in fiction are parallels, and when pretty much every item that appears on screen and every word that’s said is there to mean something. and onward is so good at this stuff, so here’s a list in no particular order of things i noticed and really liked:

at the beginning, a video is shown of barley having tied himself to a historical fountain and protesting its destruction. toward the end they discover that very fountain is the resting place of the phoenix gem—the gem they need to resurrect their dad and that, when removed, unleashes a powerful dragon on the city as a curse.

when ian starts practicing magic and can’t get the levitation spell to work, he flips to the end of the book and suggests trying arcane lightning instead. barley says no way because a level 1 mage can’t do the hardest spell in the book--but ian ends up using that same spell to defeat the dragon at the end.

when they get to the tavern hoping to retrieve a map to the phoenix gem, they find that the tavern is now a regular restaurant and the manticore, corey, gives them a children’s menu with a word puzzle and a picture of a gem on it, stating that all the children’s menus are based on her old maps. they find the real map to the phoenix gem on the wall and try to take it with them, but corey refuses to let them and it gets destroyed when the tavern is burned down. when they get back in their car, we see the other side of the children’s menu--the puzzle asks where a phoenix gem can be found, and the solution, which has already been filled in, is “raven’s point”. they successfully use this as their map in substitute of a real one.

here’s a whole bunch of things that are all linked together which i absolutely love:

after they fail to get a map to the phoenix gem, barley says “look, on a quest you have to use what you’ve got, and this is what we’ve got.”

when guinevere’s tank is low on gas, barley attempts to teach ian an enlargement spell to enlarge both the tank and the gas inside, but it backfires because ian is distracted.

later, when they need a way to get across the water in the sewers, barley repeats the words “on a quest, you’ve got to use what you’ve got” while eating from a bag of cheetos. ian then successfully casts both an enlargement spell and a velocity spell on that cheeto so it can be used as a raft.

at the start of the movie, barley gets a splinter from the staff. at one point, the same thing happens to ian and he says “can we sand this thing down?!”, to which barley replies that the staff can’t be sanded down because it has magic in every fiber and they need all they can get.

all of these things come back into play during the final battle: ian falls and loses his magic staff while the dragon is about to attack barley. he panics and thinks “use what i have--what do i have? i have nothing!” but then looks down at his hand: he still has a splinter from earlier, and because that splinter is from the staff which has magic in every fiber, he uses his own natural magical talent plus an enlargement spell to create a new staff.

at the very beginning of the movie, laurel is following along with a workout video and declaring “i’m a mighty warrior!” while stepping side to side. toward the end, she uses the same movements to avoid damage while fighting the dragon and says again “i am a mighty warrior!” as she stabs it in the heart.

also at the very beginning, in the first 10 minutes of the movie, barley asks ian if he’d like to play quests of yore because he could learn a lot from it--suggesting that he could be a crafty rogue... or a wizard. we soon discover that ian has a natural talent for magic, and what does he use to learn spells? barley’s quests of yore guidebook. 

when ian is at school taking driving lessons, the instructor tells him to merge into traffic, but he gets nervous and shouts that he isn’t ready. later, when trying to escape from the pixie bikers, barley is unable to drive because he’s still tiny from the backfired enlargement spell, so ian has to. barley says he’s going to have to merge into traffic, but ian is very panicked and says he isn’t ready. barley shouts “you’ll never be ready, now merge!” and ian actually successfully merges into traffic for the first time as a result.

the air conditioning in barley’s van is shown to be ridiculously powerful as a joke, but then ian later uses it to force the pixie bikers out of the van.

when barley does a perfect impression of officer colt and ian does a very bad impression of him, barley tells ian he’s gonna have to work on that. later, they use a disguise spell to fool the cops, and who does ian choose to impersonate? officer colt! he does an impression of colt’s “working hard, or hardly working” line and this time barley says “now that was a good colt”.

after barley sacrifices guinevere in order to escape from the cops, he picks up the car’s orange refractor. he probably just wanted it so he’d have something left of his old van that he loved so much... but as it turns out, it looks incredibly similar to the phoenix gem, and later when the dragon is chasing him trying to get the gem, he says “fine, if you want the gem, take it!” and then tosses the refractor into a bush to distract it.

one of the only memories barley has of their father is that he used to play drums on his feet as a little kid. when wilden is summoned and can’t tell what’s going on due to being only a pair of legs, barley drums on his feet to communicate that he and ian are there with him. this is done again several times throughout the movie and i cry every single time.

[bookworlders]

the wedding date

part 2 of the percabeth fake dating!au. enjoy!

chapter 1 | ao3 | ffnet 

~

chapter 2

Annabeth had fully intended on being the one to drive from the train station to the wedding venue, but their rental car had ended up being a vintage stick shift convertible, which she did not know how to drive. Percy, ever the gentlemen, took the wheel as Annabeth guided him through the twists and turns of the Montauk backroads.  

 By the time they had gathered their luggage and figured out the car situation, the sun had long set. Annabeth was quite enjoying the way the cool night air whipped through her curls as Percy drove. June weather was much more bearable outside of the city.

 “It’s that turn up ahead, at the hill with that big pine tree.” Annabeth guided Percy as he switched his headlights to bright.

 Percy turned onto a gravel road, the headlights illuminating a worn wooden sign.

 Camp Half-Blood.

 “So this is where the wedding is going to be? A summer camp?”

 Annabeth nodded, gazing up at the pine tree. “Yeah, we all used to go here. Every summer since I was seven. It’s where Jason and Piper met, it just seemed right.” Her voice softened, “And all of our friends are coming back like a big reunion. That’s why we’re here a couple days early, a couple pre-wedding festivities at our favorite place.” 

 Annabeth breathed in the sweet air (from the strawberry fields at the back) that reminded her so much of her childhood and happiness and home. It was perfect that her best friend was going to get married to her other best friend at their favorite place in the whole world. Annabeth smiled. She almost didn’t mind she had hired a stranger to fake date and that she had brought him to her said happy place.

 “You can park there,” Annabeth said, leaning forward in her seat and pointing ahead. She was getting so excited. Lights from windows shone up ahead out of large, blue house with white trim and a wraparound porch. “It’s called the Big House.”

 Annabeth was already unbuckled and out of the door before Percy even put the car into park. He watched as she up bounded up  the front porch steps.

 “Annabeth, my dear! How are you?”

 In the darkness of the evening, Percy hadn’t noticed a man in a wheelchair sitting on the porch. Annabeth threw her arms around him, “Chiron!”

 “Was your train delayed? We expected you ages ago.”

Percy walked up the steps to the pair as Annabeth recounted their journey. Annabeth turned to face him. He couldn’t help but notice the smile that had broken across her face as soon as Annabeth had seen the man. Percy also noticed the smile flicker when her eyes rested upon him. “Chiron, this is my, er, boyfriend, Percy. Percy, Chiron is our old camp director.”

Percy shook his hand, “Nice to meet you, sir.”

“You as well, great to meet you, Percy. Is that short for Perseus?” Chiron had a kind face and crinkles by his eyes. It was the face of someone wise.

“It is, sir. My mom picked it. She liked his story.”

 “It’s the name of a hero. Perfect fit for someone for our Annabeth.”

 Annabeth scoffed, “Chiron, stop.” But Percy heard nothing but affection for the man in her voice. “Where is everyone?” She asked, following Chiron into the Big House as he wheeled inside. Percy followed.

“I’m afraid everyone retired right after dinner. A long, tiring day of traveling for most of them. Not to worry though, you’ll see everyone at brunch. The Romans arrive tomorrow morning.”

 “The Romans are what Chiron calls the campers from our sister camp, Camp Jupiter,” Annabeth explained as Chiron lead them into what Percy assumed was the camp office. The walls of the office were covered in photographs, some yellowed with age and some clearly taken on smart ohone cameras, of kids dressed in orange T-shirts—images of bonfires, archery, games in the woods, swimming in the lake. Percy studied them as Chiron rummaged around a drawer of what sounded like keys.

 “So I’m in Cabin 6 I assume, Chiron?” Annabeth leaned on the desk, “And Percy in one of the guest rooms here? Or in Cabin 11? ” She turned to him. “Sorry, Percy,” Annabeth said, lightly, “camp rules. No significant others in the same cabin.”

 “Actually, Annabeth,” Chiron said, “Since the regular campers are off this week on their field trip in the city, we were able to make some special arrangements for the wedding. You’re all adults now, after all. He held out his hand with a bronze key on a ring with a ‘3’ painted on a seashell keychain. “I had the staff set up Cabin 3 as a guest room for you.”

 “Oh,” Annabeth said, “Um.” She stared at Chiron’s open palm for a moment before taking it from him, “Great. Thank you.” She made brief eye contact with Percy. “Let’s go then.”

“Goodnight, Annabeth. Nice to meet you, Percy. Get some rest tonight, full day tomorrow!”

Percy walked back over to the car to unload their luggage. He lifted his duffle bag onto his shoulder. Annabeth reached for her suitcase, but Percy hoisted it up as well, “I got it, just lead the way.”

Camp Half-Blood was a beautiful space, and it was a beautiful, perfect summer night. As they walked to the edge of the hill that the Big House sat on, Percy could see the moon sparkling off the waves of the Long Island Sound. Below the hill, in the valley, Percy saw a U-shape of twelve cabins of all different shapes and sizes, and, at the tips of the U, a couple smaller cabins.

“The first twelve are the original ones from when we attended here. The minor ones on the end are new. For all the new campers.” Annabeth pointed to the first cabin on the left arm of the U, “That’s the one we’re staying at.” She led Percy down the path into the valley

“Cabin 3,” Percy read aloud the sign on top of the cabin as Annabeth unlocked the door. Contrary to the two-story cabins next to it, Cabin 3 was a long and solid and looked like it belonged at the edge of a beach. The outer walls were a rough gray texture with seashells embedded in the exterior. Annabeth pushed the door open and Percy followed her inside with their luggage.

“Wow.” They both said at once. 

The inside was dark and cool, the walls made out of an abalone looking material that almost seemed to glow. There was a fountain of a fish that bubbled in the corner, various dressers and nightstands, and a single queen bed with the headboard against the wall. 

Annabeth eyed the bed. “No one really ever stayed in this cabin when we went here. This is actually the first time I’ve been inside. I thought every cabin had bunk beds.”

Percy had tossed his duffle bag onto the ground, already beginning to unpack his clothes into a dresser while Annabeth surveyed the room. “It’s nice. Do you mind if I use the bathroom first?”

“Go ahead.”

“Are you a morning showerer or a night showerer?” 

“Um, night.”

“Perfect! I’m a morning showerer.”

Annabeth was slightly annoyed at how chill Percy was when almost every word they exchanged had her flushing.

When Percy came back out of the bathroom, teeth brushed and in pajamas, Annabeth was almost done constructing her Great Wall of Pillows down the center of their bed. He stared at it. 

“I just thought that, there’s only one bed—” Annabeth started.

“No, no,” Percy said, “This is fine, whatever you’re comfortable with.” 

He shoved his dirty clothes into one of the empty drawers before sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Also,” Annabeth said, “Before I forget.” She walked over to his side of the bed and handed him a thick envelope, “Two thousand dollars. It’s all there.”

Now it was Percy who was blushing. “Thanks.” He took the envelope from her and shoved it into his bag.

“Aren’t you going to count it?”

“I trust you.”

“Oh, well, okay.” Annabeth stood in front of him for a moment. “I’m just gonna shower then.” 

This was definitely one of the top five longest showers Annabeth ever took. The bathroom in their cabin only had a single shower, toilet, and sink—unlike Cabin 6 from her childhood that had a communal bathroom with many stalls and showers and a line of sinks to accommodate all of her bunkmates. 

She let the steam and hot water wash over her, desperately trying to wash away the nerves and guilt and overall queasiness from this whole situation. Percy was a great guy, and she felt so far that she could rely on him this weekend. But just the thought of seeing Luke at all even with her fake boyfriend as a shield…

When the water started to run cold, she stepped out to dry off. Her lemon scented shampoo made the bathroom smell pleasant and familiar. 

After she completed her hair routine and hung up her outfit for the morning, Annabeth stepped back into the main cabin. The fountain still bubbled in the corner. 

Percy was passed out on his side of the bed, already gently snoring. His arm was draped over the pillow barrier and spilling over onto her side. He looked so peaceful, his face completely relaxed and innocent in his slumber. Annabeth wanted to reach over and brush his dark curls away from his face. She suppressed the urge as she gently peeled back the covers and slipped into bed, softly nudging his hand back over to his side. 

Percy mumbled, tossing over onto his side. Annabeth gulped. He slept shirtless.

This was going to be an interesting weekend.  

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #234

“don’t take care of me - be scared of me.”

Does it bother you when people beg? I mean, it depends on the consistency, intensity, and the subject. Do you ever eat cookie dough raw? I have, but salmonella will punish me some day. Are you one of those people who are always cold? I am the exact opposite. When was the last time you rode a rollercoaster? Pf, never. Don't want to. Do you like hot dogs? I hate the fact that I love them lol. Do you have any weird rings? I wouldn't consider any "weird," no. Have any bad addictions? Ugh, caffeine. Are you anything like your siblings? I am very, very different from my two immediate sisters. Ma says I'm extremely similar to Katie, my half-sister, though it's odd because we don't seem to agree on very much? I don't even think she likes me. When was the last time you shaved your legs? Literally not since like... February. It's not like anybody but family sees my legs anyway. It's just stupid societal expectations for a woman, and I've never been prone to obeying those to begin with. Do you like long bike rides? I used to LOVE riding my bike when I lived in the woods/by an almost-dead road, but I haven't that in... god, years. I don't even have that bike anymore. My knees would never, EVER survive riding one right now. Do you know someone who is blind? My sister is in one eye, but I can't remember which. Do you have a YouTube account? how else would I like every Mark video in existence and I wish I was kidding?????????????? How many cell phones have you had? No clue. Not many. Maybe like, four or so. When was the last time something bothered you? Yesterday 'cuz I was getting weird fuckin phone calls. Do you ever try free samples at the store? Sure, if they seem like something I'd like. Can you speak French or Spanish? No. What school year do you think will be/was the saddest? 8th. Anxiety and depression were getting bad, puberty was A Thing, confused about life in general and why all this sadness and fear was happening to me. Do you like boys with long hair? I mean this depends on the person, but in general, yes. I think I prefer it over shorter, in most cases. Have you ever had plum juice? No, but that sounds decent. If I can even remember what a plum tastes like... I loved them as a kid, haven't had one in like, years. Have you ever passed out? Once, almost twice not long after the first time. Was today someones birthday that you know? No. Have you drank any water today? A little bit. When was the last time you had a crowd at your house? Holy shit. Probably not since we MOVED here in '17. Are you worried about anything right now? When aren't I at least a bit worried about something, really. Are you keeping anything from your best friends right now? No. Do you currently have any mosquito bites? Not currently. A- blood, hell yeah man. Do you have Twitter? Yes. Literally to like. um. one somebody's stuff. If you found out you were pregnant, who would you tell? God FUCKING forbid. Obviously my family. Sara. If it was from consensual sex, I'd tell friends eventually. If it was, uh, any other way, probably not EVEN some family because there are some that would probably never speak to me again if I got an abortion. Is your driveway stone or pavement? Stone. Have you ever caught something on fire? Yeah. Y'know, s'mores, sparklers, wood when making a bonfire or something. Regular stuff. How many people have you kissed in a car? One or two. Idr if Sara and I ever have. Do you and your best friend have an inside joke? "buzzfeed" Do you have a gym membership? Not anymore. How long was your last shower? Not even ten minutes. Get clean and get out. What is your favorite color fingernail polish? I think red tends to be the prettiest. If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be of? Man, don't ask me this. I have a billion ideas. If I had the money for it though, I'd probably finally get this (Denialism) as a tat on my left upper arm next. It's like, my favorite drawing ever, and I've already gotten the artist's permission. What is the best fast food place, in your opinion? Sonic has had my heart lately. What is your favorite eye color in the opposite sex? I just generally like vibrant and/or light blue eyes, but I really don't care about someone's eye color. What is your mom’s maiden name? Yeah, let's share that on the Internet. Would you rather receive balloons or flowers for valentine’s day? Flowers. Balloons are nothing but waste and wind up as litter anyway. Do you follow the crowd when it comes to trends or do your own thing? Do my own thing. Trends 'n shit don't matter to me; I don't care how "cool" or "uncool" something is. I like what I like. What is your worst bad habit? Assuming the worst of absolutely everything within .01 seconds. Do you believe in happily ever after? No. Things aren't always gonna be happy, sorry. What is your average phone bill? I don't know, Dad pays it. Which is better: chapstick or lip gloss? Chapstick. Have you ever been proposed to? No. Do you take certain medicine on a daily basis? A decent number. Have you ever seen two people together and you got sick to your stomach? I remember seeing a picture of Jason and his girlfriend after me once after they got together and I. Don't know how to describe that feeling. I think I felt more murderous than anything. Do you prefer laptops or desktop computers? Laptops for portability's sake. Have you ever had a really bad haircut? Looking back, the haircut I had before this one wasn't great. Only at some angles did it look good. I mean I don't regret it though, it's how I realized I think I'd like short hair. Did you ever order any clothes from the Alloy catalog? Never heard of them. What brand, color, and type is your favorite eyeliner? I love black eyeliner, but I don't have any favorite brands. I hate liquid, though. My hands aren't steady enough for that, and it's just messy. What’s your favorite type of yogurt? Meh, not a big fan. Idk. Do you have any overdue library books right now? No. Do you have a piggy bank? No. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? Nope. Do you own plaid pants? No. Have you ever had to wear a school uniform? Yeah, through all of middle school. What was your high school’s mascot? A firebird. Who were your best friends in high school? I had various ones. Excluding The Ex, there was Hannia, Alon, Megan, Maria, Girt... There was a few. Have you ever been to Chicago? Once, with Sara and her dad. At night. And the lights and cars and shops and towers and everything was too much for my rural ass. I'm not a city person, but because it was SO different and just incredible in scope and all, I still thought it was absolutely beautiful and so exciting. Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? Bottom. When my sister and I were little and shared a room though, I almost always had the top bunk. As I got older though, that inverted. Have you ever had a secret admirer that left you notes? I THINK Aaron did once, but I can't remember for sure. Are you close with your cousins? No. Are you close to any aunts or uncles? Not especially, but only because, like my cousins, I pretty much never see them. Are you close to your grandparents? All but one is dead, and that one is dying. Barely knew any, save for my remaining grandmother, and we've never gotten along well/agreed on much, but I mean, I still care for her. I also pretty much never saw her. Who betrayed your trust? Plenty of people. Who was your first best friend (apart from a sibling)? Brianna. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? I don't know. Probably play make-believe or go swimming. What kind of popcorn is your favorite? Normal with butter and salt. Does your town have a big fountain in it? The next town over does. What is your town known for? "You mean Tennessee?" Don't think that's too much of a giveaway. What’s one way in which you’re still a child? I am very dependent on Mom. What’s one way in which you’re old? My knees are at least 107. Do you know what you want to do for your next birthday? gooooooood take me to get a tatTOOOOOOO What would be the best surprise you could receive right now? Mom buying tickets to the Ozzy concert next year alksdjfalwe. I've been losing my fucking mind since the new single came out and album was announced. Do you usually forgive when someone hurts your or try to get revenge? I'm not a vengeful person at all, really. I tend to forgive. Were there any subjects in school that were really easy for you? English has always been a breeze, and usually science. Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? No. Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair? Just about anyone looks better with dyed hair to me. I just like colorful, interesting hair. Has your hair color changed since you were a toddler? Yes. I was born dirty blonde. Do you own an American flag shirt? No. Do you own a British flag shirt? No. Do you have a seashell collection? No. We used to have a box of them, though. Do you have a rock collection? No. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Just chill. Casually swim around aimlessly. Cacti or seashells? Hmmmm. I think seashells, but that's tough. Dreamcatcher or wind chimes? MAN, this depends on the design. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? The only one I have that I consider the absolute *perfect* moment was at Ashley's gender reveal when she and her husband found out the baby is a girl. Her face especially is priceless. What color was your first car? N/A Was your first car used or new? N/A What was the last thing you said in complete caps? HAHAHA I sent Sara a fucking CURSED picture of Pennywise as a good morning text. Do you enjoy playing board games? Not really. Are you good at playing Hide and Go Seek? I guess I was as a kid. I'm sure I wouldn't be now. Elephants can't really hide. :^) Do you live in an apartment or a house? A house. Is there a music artist that never ceases to amaze you? As far as truly *amaze* goes, probably Amy Lee. Her voice is just fucking incredible. What is your favorite term of endearment? Probably "love." Or "dear." I dunno. Do you like Twizzlers? NO. They're gross as hell. Do you sneak in candy/soda when you go to the movies? Yeup. Fuck those prices. What was the last song you had on repeat? I adore Ozzy's new "Under The Graveyard" beyond words and so have been binging it like mad since yesterday lmao. Where are your favorite pair of jeans from? I don't have jeans. Do you tap your foot when you listen to music? No. If I respond to it in any voluntary way, I'll most likely be tapping my hand with the beat. Will you get your hair cut anytime soon? I need to, yeah. I hate when my hair starts getting long enough to curl a tad upwards in the back. Are you uncoordinated? VERY. Have you ever listened to Jane’s Addiction? I know and enjoy "Jane Says" and "Been Caught Stealing." What’s the worst thing you’ve ever experienced? Heartbreak. What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? I dunno, there's a lot. Do you write “Dear Diary” when you write in your diary? I don't have a diary. I don't think I ever did. What is your escape from your problems? Music, playing WoW, stuff like that. Just give me a distraction. Do you watch YouTube videos a lot? Literally every day throughout the day. It's at least background noise. Do you have an embarrassing period story? No, thankfully. Would your life be at risk if someone knew everything about you? No. Is your life at risk? I mean, more than like by disease, some psycho, an accident, shit like that, no? Do you feel safe in your hometown? No. Never did. I miss our house and the childhood memories, but that place was dangerous. Where do you dream of moving to? The mountains of NC. What fascinates you more: outer space or the bottom of the ocean? Space. Have you ever seen a UFO? I guess by the definition of "unidentified flying object," yes, but I think it was some sort of natural phenomenon with a star, not an alien. Maybe. Does anyone encourage you to go after your dreams? Yeah. :') What is the stupidest thing anyone’s ever said to you? "i'Ll AlWaYs LoVe YoU, bRiTtAnY!" What’s the most amount of weight you’ve gained from a medication? LET'S. FUCKING. NOT. Do you name inanimate objects? No. What do you think the constellations mean? "Nothing? Just humanity reaching to ascribe some type of meaningfulness to the world around them." <<<< This, I like this. Did you like the venue your senior prom was held at? I mean it was at the local college's gym. Nothing special. Which spelling do you like best: Hayley, Hailey, or Haley? Hm, I think "Hailey." Which name is better: Hailey, Bailey, Kailey, or Shailey? Ummmmm I think "Kailey." Are you mad at someone? I'm always going to be mad to a degree. Do you feel like your life was stolen from you? I guess in a way by mental illness? Do you have a professional camera? Yeah. What would you change about your hair? Ugh, I want to COLOR it. I really want silver hair atm. When was the last time you changed your hairstyle? Last year. Do you like rose gold? I love it. What’s your favorite color gummy bear? I don't... care? Oh wait, maybe green. Those normally have an apple kinda feel, right? Or do they all thaste the same? What is the sexiest part of the opposite sex’s body? I like s h o u l d e r b l a d e s. Have you ever made up/sang a song for someone you cared about? Only ever poems. Ever had a song sang about/for you? I mean, I've had like songs /dedicated/ to me, but never actually made for me specifically. What is your middle name? Marie. Like every other white girl known to man. What do you smell like? My house, I guess? Ever hurt yourself playing Wii? I don't believe so. Do you have freckles? Not on my face, but random ones on the rest of my body, yeah. Can you do the alphabet in sign language? No. Do you like your feet? I seriously hate feet. That includes mine. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had in your mouth? uhhhhhhhhh Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No. (If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shorty" instead of "girl"? Ugh no, thank Christ. Have you ever sent an embarrassing moment of yours into a mag to be printed? No. What IS your most embarrassing moment? I've told it before but now I don't remember it??? What’s the last thing to make you scream? Like a small, quick one, I think a loud noise scared me. I've been extremely sensitive to those lately and idk why??? Do your parents knock before coming in, or just barge on in? My door's never really closed, but when it is, Mom doesn't. Dad does. Do you think you’re more cute or sexy? BOY neither. Do you own any mini skirts? Bitch I wish I could wear mini skirts but I would blind people with my body rn. Do you draw little hearts and stuff with eyeliner next to your eyes? Nah. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever lost? Good question, idk. Has your mom ever lied to you? Yeah. Do you have a deep voice? It's definitely deep for a girl, but it's not like, manly. When’s the last time someone made breakfast for you? I guess the last time I was out for breakfast? Idr. When someone knocks on the door, who do you think it is? A mailman/woman. No one else comes here unexpectedly. Has anyone ever licked your foot? UM NO Do you play games with boys/girls, like "hard to get"? I never did and never will. I'm definitely not easy, but I don't play games. Oh wait, unless we're already a serious couple and I'm sexually being a tease. Hobby. When’s the last time someone told you they were in love with you? Some time back. Is there a Sonic where you live? mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM- Do you smile with your teeth? Usually. What do you like on your pizza? Pepperoni, jalapenos, sausage... stuff like that. I'm WEAK for meat lovers pizza sobs heavily in wanna-be vegetarian Do you know anyone who lives in Newfoundland? No. How ‘bout Alberta? No. Anyone in Canada at all? Yeah, a friend's ex. She's cool. If you could trade houses with a friend, who would it be? I wouldn't damn anyone with this house, lol. I mean it's not bad, it just has its issues. Are you a good person to come to for advice? It depends on the subject we're talkin' here. Do you sleep naked? No. I'd feel so vulnerable. Favorite place you've been: Through the NC mountains. Which of your Facebook friends lives closest to you? UHHHHHHHHH how do I not know this?? When was the last time you cried? Idr, actually. Who took your profile pic? Where? What’s your favorite season? Autumn. What was the last book you read? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Fucking read it. Are you a good influence? This also depends on the area of focus. Does pineapple belong on pizza? NO. Sweet and savory do noooot mix in my world.

[pucketknife-blog]

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF~ self para [PG]

↪ TAGGING: Noah Puckerman ( @pucketknife ); mentions of Tzion and Calev Puckerman and Chevalier D. Syerus, Alderman of the SGA; ↪ LOCATION/TIME: NYADA Campus, Apeliotes #101; May 7th & 8th; Monday morning through Tuesday morning; ↪ SYNOPSIS: After the verdict, Puck has to figure out what comes next; ↪ WARNINGS: language and slight signs of depression, if any, but nothing major;

Monday morning starts just like any other day, before dawn with a quick run through the empty Campus, nothing but a few faces in sight (either drunk people still unaware the weekend is over or other runners, some people he recognizes from his slaying courses and people he sees on a regular basis, who wave or nod at him as he passes them by). Still, Puck doesn’t usually pay attention to anything but his music and the path ahead of him, the burn of his muscles and the rhythm of his breathing.

That's why he’s surprised when the music stops with the incoming call. He stops and answers as he walks to a water fountain and takes a sip, and it’s even more surprising to hear no one but Tzion Puckerman on the other end of the line. His uncle never calls, and his voice is stern even through his headphones, clearly unhappy to be having this conversation.

"What is it?" Puck asks, his breathing fast due to the jogging as he begins stretching, "Why're you callin'? Did someone die?" It’s not a joke. He couldn’t think of any other reason why Tzion would bother picking up the phone. For a moment, he thinks of his cousins, wonders if he should be worried, but his uncle is fast to blow him off, tells him everyone's okay and that there’s something else he’s calling about. 

"Then what is it? It's not like you're one of those people who just calls someone when they miss-"

"The Assembly's gonna call you in a moment," Tzion cuts him off, clearly not amused with Puck's little one-liners, "You're suspended without pay."

Puck freezes, and if the phone had been in his hand, he would’ve probably dropped it.

"The fuck? What the-"

"There was a trial,” he says, “something about a fire. You forgot to mention it, I assume. They said you killed some Lusus. I'd say good job, but, y'know. I'm not happy about the news."

He's most definitely not happy. Clearly. But neither is Puck.

"I didn't do shit," he replies through gritted teeth, adrenaline flowing through his veins, anger filling up his chest.

"Well, it's clear you didn't," Tzion barks back. "You didn't cover up your fucking tracks, Amram. And now it's our Clan that has to pay for your mistakes."

"That's not-"

Puck can't finish his sentence before Tzion is talking over him again.

"You were supposed to be better than this," he voices, low and dangerous. It reminds Puck of his own father. It makes him flinch involuntarily. "You were supposed to be the next big thing."

"Tzion..." He's frozen, unable to know what he's supposed to say, what he's supposed to do.

"Don't," the head of the Puckerman Clan states, and Puck can almost see the disappointment and anger painted on his face. "Don't dishonor our Clan any further with your excuses. Don't call us, Amram."

The call ends and the music comes back, but Puck feels like he's been beaten up with a bat, left bloody and broken in a ditch.

His life is over, and for what.

This cannot be happening.

He goes straight back to his dorm and checks the news, punching the keyboard keys loudly until the headline appears in the NYADAily.

"The end of an era..." It sure was.

Puck swallows hard as his eyes fly through the article, the monster inside him growing as he reads more.

Fuchs’ claimed that he had also been brainwashed by Lusus Naturae, a trickster who took advantage of his position to use his home as a “base for [their] illegal happenings.” Fuchs says he was also tricked into seeing his home as a “picture-perfect dollhouse. [He] was unaware of the decor or how it had been changed.”

Bullshit.

Defence lawyer Jennifer Walters, L.L.M, has acknowledged that Fuchs kidnapped various Lusus Naturae victims ranging from selkies to lamias, but successfully countered the prosecution’s claim that the defendant used enchantment magic and killed several victims in premeditated assault. 

Bullshit.

Evans and Puckerman had been charged with involuntary and voluntary manslaughter

Bull

Evans, under the prosecution, is getting off with a $20,000 fine for model behavior. The jurors believed it to be a honest mistake. 

Puckerman, however, has been demoted to an unknown rank in the Slayers’ Guild, has been stripped of his weapons and badge, and is on unpaid leave until further notice as internal investigations are underway.

Shit.

His knuckles go white as he holds onto the edge of his desk.

One trial member, who does not wish to be named, says it was “deserved… That brute was no different than a thug.”

His computer claps loudly as he closes it shut and he throws the chair across the room, feeling the tears prickling at his eyes, a painful yell toring his throat.

He should've never tried to help.

"You have to understand, Cal," Puck hurries his words, tries to find a way to explain himself to his cousin that calls as an official Secretary of the Guild to let put the final nail to his career's coffin. He tries to stop the unavoidable ending even when he knows neither of them have a voice in the situation, but he can't make himself stop.

"I don't know what happened. You have to tell your dad, it's not my fault." 

In other circumstances, he'd rather be caught dead than begging, but right then and there, he can't do anything but. "Please, Cal. I did nothing wrong. Nothing. I was set up by those fucking lawyers, I was protecting someone else! I was protecting myself! You have to know I'm not lying, you have to know, he's the one who should be paying, not me!”

"I'm sorry, A," he says, and even if his voice is warmer than his uncle's, more human and almost pitiful, almost caring, it doesn't make it any better. "There's nothing to do. One of the Aldermen is heading your way right now. Just hand him your badge and weapons. Don't make it harder than it needs to be."

Puck can't even reply, and he bites down on his lip hard.

"I'm really sorry," Calev repeats with honesty.

He feels the salty taste of tears on his lips.

"Yeah," he nods to himself, voice cracking only slightly. "Me too."

It's past midday when Alderman Syerus knocks at his door. Puck has finally managed to compose himself, but as he sees him there, his soul falls to his feet. The man asks for his things, and Puck is almost ready to plead his case, tell him exactly what happened in Fuch's house, tell the whole story again and again until he understood he was making the wrong call, he was punishing the wrong man for something he was forced to do.

He’s abotu to open his mouth when he remembers Tzion's words.

Don't disgrace us any further;

He remembers Calev's apologetic voice.

Don't make this harder than it needs to be;

So, he doesn't. He gives the Alderman his badge and his favorite gun, the first one his father ever gave him, the first one he's ever held, the first one he's ever killed with, and lets him know where his truck is, how he can get the rest. 

Just like that, his whole life comes to a halt.

Puck stands on the threshold long after Syerus leaves, eyes fixed on the elevator in which he disappeared as he tries to figure out his next step.

When he closes the door behind him, he still doesn't know what to do. He’s at a blank.

So he sleeps.

He wakes up in the middle of the night, the clock ticking loudly in contrast to the silence of the empty room. He's glad Finn's not here, that the school had chosen such a perfect moment to do their exchange program and that he won't have to talk about the result of the trial and his future for at least a week or two. His stomach is empty, growling, but he eyes the little fridge from his bed and groans, turning towards the wall as he curls into himself.

Maybe later.

He stares at the ceiling, eyes fixed in the white roof on top of him. His alarm had gone off a while ago, but unlike any other day, he's still in bed. The sun is up, shining bright, warm light through the open window, and Puck's gaze is blank as he replays the day of the Brownstone fire in his head.

He wonders what had been said about him in the trial; how he ended up without a future while Fuchs didn't get his magic revoked; how Sam had gotten away with a $20,000 fine while he had been punished for doing nothing but his job.

He had done everything he thought right, keeping a low profile after giving his statement, keeping cool and keeping to himself. He avoided all kinds of conflict and applied himself to school, studying hard and even getting good grades (at the very least, good for him). He had even rejected the few jobs the Guild had offered him only to keep a good appearance. Everything for a jury of people he didn't know, in a case he didn't care about, for a cause he didn't believe in.

If he had known how'd that go, he wouldn't have wasted his time in the first place. If he had let the Lusus burn in the fire, he wouldn’t be standing where he was right then.

A breeze seeps into the window, caressing his skin as he lets his eyes fall shut for a second, and he can’t help but wonder what comes next.

Puck doesn't remember a life before being a Slayer. 

He knows there was one. A place where he came from, somewhere he called a home, a kid he used to be, something that meant everything to him, a person he was supposed to be. 

But it’s all gone; he doesn't have it anymore. It was left behind when he met his father, and whoever he was then had died long ago.

He couldn’t look back. He simply couldn’t.

Yet the question invaded his mind, and the words seemed to glow up on top of him.

If I'm not a Slayer, then what am I?

It made him feel lost, like a faint memory of a previous life in which a kid called out for his mother in the middle of a supermarket as tears washed down his face. It made him feel useless and out of place, wonder what was he still doing there if there was a chance he would never become the person he had planned to be.

However, that was not all there was to it. Something brewed in his stomach, bubbling like a boiling cauldron, fighting to come out like an alien. It was something he had never felt before, or at least not with the same intensity, a question that was always there, but he never dared to ask.

If I can't be who I am, then, who am I going to be?

He can't remember the last time someone had asked him that and he had replied with anything but "the best Slayer ever known." Yet his response couldn't be that one anymore, at least not until he served his time. It only left an open door to a new answer, something he had never really asked his own self:

Who do I want to be?

He sighs and checks his phone to see it was just half past ten. He had never been in bed for so long. He had never slept for so many hours straight. He had never had so much time to just chill and do nothing. He had never had time to figure out what he really wanted.

A small smile formed on his lips as the realization dawned onto him.

Even after the trial, even after being suspended, even after being targeted as a brute and a thug, Puck was given something new, something he had never had before.

Puck had a choice.

The only downside to it was, Puck didn't have any idea what he was supposed to do with it.

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #275

“Zoo pt2, Sexual Offenderman, Firebird and the Peacock, NOTCH numbers, Cn restored, Noisy Toys”

[Doc] Jumps a little and contemplates sneaking by them. Hir eyes stray to what Offender is laughing about and xe lets out a small involuntary snort.

[Offender] Is looking at a male elephant peeing and hears Doc's snort, turning towards the sound- Well hello there

[Doc] Yipe! H-Hi.

[HG] -waves because it looks like doc knows them so he trust them because of that-

[Offender] - So what brings you guys to the zoo?

[Doc] Just came to look at the critters. There's a lot here I've never seen before.

[Offender] - Yeah, I guess there isn't many animals in your game

[Arc] - Smexy leave them alone and just go back to staring at animal nuts

[Doc] We've added a few on top of what's supposed to be there. With mixed results really. I'm rather fond of the mammoths, but the peacock TLOT made is out of it's tiny mind. Cp brought in some lobsters and we accidentally let in shrimps too. But they're tasty, so no one minds.

[HG] we have a goat

[Offender] - You guys should add penguins!

[Doc] What's a penguin? Is it dangerous?

[Offender] - A bird that lives in the antarctic

[Doc] We have polar bears... it sounds like something they'd eat if they could.

[Lie] Pats HG- We know

[Arc] - Smexy, go get me a drink

[Offender] - On it

[Arc] - NO ALCOHOL!

[Doc] How is the goat anyway Hg? Any... issues?

[HG] they keep getting on the top of the jungle trees I have some how I don't know how because I can't get up there

[Doc] They're using that weird tongue aren't they?

[HG] maybe but i know they use it to get down i offer them carrots to get them down

[Offender] Quickly returns with his arms full of sodas- Here you go Arc!

[Arc] - Why did you get so many!?

[Doc] If that works Hg. Oh, can we have some then?

[Arc] - Sure, if Smexy hasn't done anything to them

[Offender] - Now why would I do that?

[Arc] Glares-

[Offender] - I didn't do anything

[Doc] Looks unsure now-

[Offender] - Go ahead, inspect them

[Doc] Takes one gently and copies it before putting the extra away. - It's okay. I have milk, and I don't think you'd try something so crass as to drug me. I might shapeshift if I relax too much and we are in public. That's a lot of people to mindwipe.

[Offender] - That would be fun, you should do it

[Arc] - Smexy you already dragged me away from home being "helpful", don't push it

[Doc] What? You want me to pull a Godzilla? Somehow I think even Slender would be mad at me for that.

[Offender] Grins widely- That's the point

[Doc] Seems to shrink a little and there's the faintest crackle around hir glitch - I-I don't want to rumble with your brother if I can help it....

[Lie] - Come on Doc, we should get going

[Offender] - Nah, he'd probably be mostly pissed at me

[Doc] Not gonna count on that.... - Peeks at Arc's drawing. - That's very nice.

-It's a sketch of an elephant-

[Arc] - Yeah, my art class is currently focusing on animal anatomy

[HG] what other animals are there lie?

[Doc] Yeah there's a lot of variation. I can draw okay, but it looks like what I'm used to seeing. Blocky. - glances at Offender - Anything new at the Manor?

[Offender] - Well, one of the weird things my brother took in has vanished...  Tore that weird torch off of CP's door too...

[Lie] - Lots- Looks at the map- Looks like a petting zoo too

[Doc] What kind of weird thing? -remembers seeing Cp's door- And it took a redstone torch?

[Offender] - I think it's name was Rudolph?  Seemed to be made of fabric with a metal skeleton...

[Lie] Stiffens a little-

[Doc] Yikes...

[HG] a petting zoo that means we can pet cute animals

[Lie] - Yeah, we can.  Doc?  You ready to go now?

[Doc] Yeah... Nice running into you both. Stay out of trouble. Okay?

[Offenhder] - Pffft!  Yeah, whatever

[Arc] - Be nice Smexy

[Doc] For Arc's sake. - follows Lie

[Lie] Smiles as they approach the next enclosure which houses the giraffes-

[HG] that's the thing we saw when getting the goat

[Doc] Hesitates and stares up at them nervously-

[Lie] - Looks like they have a feeding station for guests too

[Doc] Is sliding behind Lie in a subtle way-

[Lie] - Come on, these guys are gentle- She starts trying to nudge Doc towards the feeding station

[Doc] Is sandbagging a bit but moving with her urging.

[HG] -is hiding behind lie-

[Lie] They reach the feeding station where a couple of giraffes are waiting.  Lie hands some money to a keeper who gives them treats, about the size of a square biscut to them-

[Doc] -Watches the animals nervously as well-

[Lie] Holds a treat out in her hand and a giraffe lowers it's head to lick the treat out of her hand with it's long blue tongue-

[Doc] Yeeesh... They're so... weird and tall

[HG] they are as big as jungle trees

[Keeper] - It's how they evolved, instead of fighting for leaves on lower branches with other animals, they evolved to having long necks so they can eat from the top of the tree's

[Doc] Very quietly - They remind me of Slender...

[Lie] - Just try feeding them

[Doc] Gingerly takes a biscut and looks at the animals with obvious trepedation-

[HG] -holds out the treat shaking because of fear-

-The giraffe leans down again to take the treat, licking Doc's hand.  The second one takes the treat from HG's hand-

[Doc] Shivers a bit from the sudden wet tongue, they're not used to going bare-handed on top of everything else-

[HG] -quickly falls back after giraffe take the treat-

[Lie] - See?  No harm done

[Keeper] - Whoa, you okay there sir?

[HG] I will be okay

[Lie] Feeds the giraffe's the other couple of treats that she has-

[Doc] Wipes hir hand on hir shorts self-conciously-

[HG] -gets back up whipping the extra dirt off-

[Doc] Didn't realize their other hand was shaking and goes to open the soda. It explodes with a fizzy hiss and foams all over hir hands and the ground- What the hell?!

[Lie] - Guess you shook it up a little...

[Doc] Gah.... it's all sticky...

[Lie] - Well a good chunk of it is corn syrup...

[HG] can we make that with the corn I grow lie?

[Doc] Corn? You mean that stuff we picked up with all the little one-pixel seeds? I didn't think it was nearly that sweet?

[Lie] - It...  Goes through a lot of processing...  Anyways, shall we move on?

[HG] sure

[Doc] Yes please.

[Lie] Leads them on to where there's a small herd of zebra's and gazelles

[Doc] Hey, I like these stripy guys. They look like jazzier versions of your horses Lie.

[Lie] - They're called zebra's

[HG] they look cute

[Lie] - They can breed with regular horses and donkey's

[HG] awe that sound like they would have cute babies

[Lie] - Yeah, they are

-One zebra goes trotting off-

[HG] -watches the zebra-

-A couple of Gazelle's hop around-

[Doc] They're bouncy!

[HG] -tries to bounce at the same speed of the gazelle while in place-

[Lie] Laughs a little- Come on, I smell food

[HG] -follows Lie still bouncing-

[Doc] I need someplace to wash my hands anyway.

[Lie] - Food usually means bathroom

[Lie] Leads them around another corner where there's a food stall and a bathroom with a water fountain in front of it-

[HG] mmm the food smells good

[Lie] - Do you want some?

[HG] yes it smells so good

[Doc] Goes right to the fountain and washes hir hands before returning to them.

[Lie] - Doc?  Do you want anything?

[Doc] Yes, please. Talking to Slenders and being scared really takes it out of me.

[Lie] Goes up to the vendor and gets some food for them.  A small pizza and drinks for each of them-  Here we go

[HG] thank you lie

[Doc] Looks for a place to sit down and eats quietly, just putting the half-soda from Offender away-

[Lie] Sits as well, there's a clanking noise from a machine as some kids turn a crank-

[HG] -starts eating a slice of pizza- this is so good

[Doc] Perks a little at the noise and is just looking around. Xe finishes hir food quickly- I feel so exposed, but man, it's hot out here.

[Lie] - We could get some frozen lemonade?

[Doc] I trust you Lie. I'll try it on your say so. I like it when TLOT makes lemonade anyway.

[Lie] - Do you want regular or strawberry?

[HG] what is strawberry?

[Doc] Anything cold is good.

[Lie] - Strawberry is a fruit, here, I'll just get us some- She goes back to the stand and returns with three cups

[Doc] Sips and sighs- Thank you Lie. I think we can continue without me melting in an embarassing way now.

[HG] -tries some- mmm the food here is very yummy

-The next area they approach has white columns simulating ice at it's entrance-

[Lie] - Oh great, the cold area...

[Doc] Follows, - that feels nice...

[HG] yea it's feels nice on this hot day

-They begin passing enclosures with different types of arctic animals-

[Lie] Grumbles a little-

[HG] -sips his iced strawberry lemonade as he looks at the animals-

[Doc] Hey! Polar bears! They look fluffier out here, don't they?

[HG] they look cuddly

[Lie] - Yeah- She starts reading the signs by the fence- Looks like these guys were rescued from a Mexican circus

[HG] I don't know what a Mexican circus is but if they had to be rescued it must be bad

[Doc] If an animal had to be rescued from it... wait... Lj... are circuses just generally a bad thing?

[Lie] - No!  Most aren't that bad, and they usually care for their animals, especially now a days with public image and the web being so widely used

[HG] then that one must have been a bad one those poor polar bears

[Doc] Good. I don't like it when people are mean to anything helpless.

[Lie] Yeah Mexico isn't exactly the best of places

-There's a loud huffing noise from the enclosure behind them as a walrus surfaces from the water-

[HG] whoa -watches the walrus and waves at it-

-The walrus waves back-

[Doc] More chubby critters with flippers-

[HG] awe this one waved back at me

[Lie] - I believe these are the biggest guys

[Doc] Are you cold Lie?

[Lie] - What do you think?

[Doc] Then we should hurry along.

-As they go they pass the penguins-

[Doc] That's what Offender wanted me to add? I wonder why?

[HG] -point at them- those looks so cute

[Doc] Wait! Is it because they're wearing little suits?

[Lie] - Because random and they are kinda funny?

[HG] the way the walk is so cute

-A couple of penguins jump into the water and race around-

[HG] they swim!

[Doc] They move fast for how silly they look-

[Lie] - Yeah, can we move on now?  I'm getting really cold and I can't feel my hand...

[HG] yes lets leave

[Lie] Moves onwards into a louder area full of birds- Much better

[Doc] Is looking at all the colorful flitting creatures. - Do these repeat stuff like the in-game ones?

[Lie] - Some of the parrots might, oh look, we can feed the lorikeets

[HG] i want to feed some

[Doc] Now a parrot I will happily handle.

[Lie] Leads them to the entrance of the feeding area and buys them some sticks with seeds pasted to the end.  She hands them out before entering the bird enclosures-

[Doc] Stands perfectly still with the stick out so the birds don't get spooked-

[HG] -holds the stick out while holding still-

-The birds flick about and land on their arms and wrists, occasionally fighting over who gets the seeds-

[Doc] I wonder what Firebird would think about this?

[Lie] - Maybe he'd want the seeds to!

[Doc] Copies the still half-full stick - I can always ask later

[HG] lie I have extra seed from home can I give them to the birds?

[Lie] - No, we don't know if it's okay for these guys to have.  Plus we don't want to make them sick

[HG] no I don't want to get them sick I won't give them any from home.

[Lie] Carefully flips her stick over so the bird on it can get to the other seeds-

[Doc] They're so colorful. Maybe I'll butt in next time TLOT makes flitters. Give him some new ideas.

[Lie] - Feel free

-There's a small plop as a bit of bird shit lands on HGs shoes-

[HG] the flitters tlot makes are so pretty there are a lot around my home -notices the bird poop- oh

[Lie] - Sorry about that HG, we can clean it later

[HG] it's ok -tries to pet the birds-

-The birds fly away from HG's touches-

[Doc] Has a thought- I hope Cn is okay...

[Lie] Quick thought flash- I'm sure he is, he's with Firebird

[Doc] Oh. I guess that's safer then Cp watching him, right?

[Lie] - Yeah, absolutely

[Doc] NOTCHs and NOTCHs, birds of a feather, huh?

[Lie] - Yeah...- Looks away

[HG] -is still trying to slowly try and pet the birds-

[Doc] So what's next Lie?

[Keeper] - Please do not try to pet the animals sir!

[HG] sorry

[Lie] - Hmmm- Pulls out the map- Looks like the bigger carnivores and reptiles

[Doc] I don't know much about reptiles. How big are we talking?

[Lie] - Not sure, depends on what they have here.  Why don't we go look?

[Doc] Lead on then.

[Lie] Exits the aviary and heads for an air conditioned building, the handles on the door are snakes-

[Doc] That reminds me of Pinwheel, just the head part.

[HG]  -follows lie and doc-

[Lie] - Yeah, that's the general shape of a snake- She enters the building and dodges a boy running around excitedly

[Doc] Gremlins....

-The walls are lined with glass windows which house reptiles inside of them.  Various snakes, lizards, turtles, and tortoises can be seen-

[Doc] Is just going from box to box. - They're like dragons... but so much smaller.

[Lie] - Yeah, probably the inspiration for many dragons too, oh look, a viper

[HG] -is looking a little snake and how it sticks it's tongue out every so often-

[Doc] Okay now that one does look like Pinwheel, it's the wrong color, but otherwise....

[Lie] - Yeah, you can distinguish vipers from other snakes because of their triangular heads, it's a warning, letting others know they are deadly

[Doc] Moves over to see what Hg is looking at and smiles. Xe pokes him gently and flicks hir own tongue out with a giggle-

[HG] -is trying to mimic the snake he is watching with his tongue-

[Lie] Spots a very large glass enclosure- Oh cool, a python

[Doc] Watches the big snake flick their tongue as well and does it at Lie this time with an impish smile.

[Lie] Rolls her eyes- This is one of the biggest snakes in the world

[Doc] Hey, Deerheart likes it. -smirks- It is pretty huge.

[Lie] Blushes hard- Did not need to hear that Doc

[Doc] Stands a little closer- Did I ever tell you TLOT taught me how to do one of his little tricks?

[Lie] - I don't think I want to know this trick...

[HG] -is trying to use his speed to match the snake's tongue- does it almost look like it?

[Doc] Makes sure their backs are to the room and no one is close by. Xe opens hir mouth and sticks out hir tongue. As Lie watches it turns purplish and the ends spilt into a forked tip with the ends wiggling independantly. They suck it back in quickly though, so no one else sees. - Looks like what Hg?

[Lie] - Whhhhyyyyyy?

[Doc] It's a selective shapeshift of just one part, it's actually really hard to do. He was super proud of me for mastering it.

[HG] am I making my tongue fast enough to almost look like the snake? -keeps wiggling his tongue really fast-

[Doc] Laughs at Hg- Either way, that's funny!

[Lie] - Yes and I know what TLOT uses that tongue for

[Doc] Me too. It's a technique that gets rave reviews- eyebrow waggle-

[Lie] Just groans-

[Doc] Pulls her along with a big smile. - These guys look intimidating.  Alligators?

[Lie] - Yeah, really good at sneak attacks too

[HG] -sneeks up on lie and makes a hissing sound like a snake- i'm a snake

[Lie] Turns towards HG- Really?

[Doc] Laughs- The head reminds me of Basil. It's got such stubby legs though.

[Lie] - Yeah, they mostly just swim

[HG] -watches the alligators-

[Doc] It's like an angry log.

[Lie] - Yeah, pretty much

[Doc] Humans are tough. I'm mystifed at how sucessful you guys are for being so soft and squishy and surrounded by stuff that wants to eat you.

[Lie] - We have bigger brains then everything else

[Doc] I guess... But I think if I had to pick between staying digital only forever and living out here? I think I'd go back to the computer.

[Lie] - Good point

[Lie] - Should we move onto the big cats?

[HG] big cats I though cat where a good size already?

[Doc] Cautiously - I like cats...

[Lie] Leads them on and the first enclosure houses a couple of cheetahs-

[Doc] Skinny cats. They're so cute!

[Lie] - If I remember right, I think these guys are the fastest land animal

[Doc] I guess that explains the shape, they look made for speed.

[HG] do you think I could out run them?

[Doc] I'm going to say yes.

[Lie] - Same

[Doc] Wanders over to the next enclosure and reads the sign. - Hey they have ocelots! - Xe looks into the space and bursts out laughing.

[Lie] - Why are you laughing?

[Doc] In between laughs- Look at the cubes on that one! They're huge!

[Lie] - Oh for fucks sake

[Doc] Chuckles - cat nuts...

[HG] daw they look so soft

[Lie] Moves on- Oh look, jaguars

[Doc] snorts- They're almost as big as Cps.

[Lie] Turns bright red-

[Doc] Still giggling.

[HG] -doc laughter is becoming contagious and is starting to make him giggle-

[Lie] - Shut up both of you!  We do not need to talk about my husbands balls!

[HG] -starts to tear up because of lie's yelling-

[Doc] Pats Hg - it's okay....

[HG] -sniffles and starts to hugs is pail for comfort-

[Doc] Come on Lie, ease up. We're just playing.

[Lie] Turns away with a little huff- Fine

[Doc] Grump. Come on Hg, let's check out some more cats.

-The next enclosure is larger and has lions in it-

[HG] whoa they have fluffy heads

[Doc] So are the fluffy ones the girls? They have really pretty hair.

[Lie] - Those are usually the males, although occasionally females will have manes

[Doc] Oh, well the females look like TLOT's big cat form. I wonder where he got the idea for that?

[Lie] - No idea...- A couple of cubs come romping out and tackle each other

[Doc] Little cats! Aww they're adorable!

[HG] awe they are so tiny

[Lie] - Baby lions

[Doc] I like these guys. And not just because they're yellow, and cats.

[Lie] - These guys are very social, most big cats are not

[Doc] It's good to have friends. I know a certain little cat who's still learning that lesson...

[Lie] - Hey, he's gotten kinda better

[Doc] Oh, I agree. But he's always a work in progress.

[HG] -waves at the lions-

[Lie] Hears some roaring and goes to investigate- Look!  Tigers!

[Doc] Oh I love the skin shading on this one!

[Lie] - It's a camoflogue

[Doc] Your world has orange foliage?

[Lie] - Well yes, but despite the colors, these guys can hide just about everywhere- She motions to some pictures on the wall of hidden tigers in various habitats

[HG] what other crazy color foliage does this world have?

[Doc] Interesting....

[Lie] - Purples, blues, reds, pretty much most colors

[Doc] No black?

[Lie] - Rarely

[Doc] Hmmm. I think I like your flowers best anyway. A good mix of beauty and usefulness.

[Lie] - There are lot more types of flowers out here Doc

[HG] -can't stop thinking about plant and is now a little hyper-

[Doc] So where too next?

[Lie] Pulls out the map once more- Looks like it's just the gift shop left

[Doc] Is it inside? I'm getting a bit over-heated.

[Lie] - Yeah, it's that big building by the entrance

[Doc] Heads that way-

[HG] -follows doc hopping really fast-

-The gift shop is a bit busy.  There's a few walls covered in stuffed animals and many other animal based items and clothes are throughout the crowded area-

[Doc] Goes right to the stuffed animals and starts poking around.

[HG] -is looking around at different things-

[Lie] Finds a bundle of peacock feathers and decides to get one for CN-

[Doc] Comes back with several plushies, a wide translucent scarf with tiger stripes and a bag of large rubbery dinosaur toys. - They have all kinds of neat stuff here!

[Lie] - Need a hand there Doc?

[Doc] Maaaaybe.

[Lie] Holds her hands out for a few of the items-

[Doc] Passes over some of it and immediatley gets distracted and scoots off again.

[Lie] Sighs and follows hir-

[Doc] Grabs a large stick - what's this-? Aa! - As it's turned the tiny seeds inside make a rainy noise as they clatter down-

[HG] -finds a soft tiger plushie and a watering pail that looks like a parrot- lie can I get these?

[Lie] - A rain stick, and sure HG

[Doc] This one is just hollow though? - It's covered with Aboriginal pointillist designs-

[Lie] - Maybe a didgeridoo?

[Doc] Looks through the hole and tries blowing into it. The noise that comes out is startlingly loud and provokes a territorial response from the indigenous employees.

[Clerk] Can I help you find something?!

[Doc] Jumps a little - Yes! No! I mean, we'll take both of them! - Still holding the rainstick and the digerdoo. Xe shoots Lie a pleading 'help me' look.

[Lie] - Sorry, they get really excited by things.  Don't worry, we have the money for it

[Clerk] Eyebrow- Okaaay. - Goes back to the desk

[Doc] Whew...

[Lie] - Come on, grab any last items and then we'll go

[HG] can we get candy?

[Lie] - A little, but we already have at lest a few hundred dollars worth of stuff here

[Doc] Right. - Xe scoots close to Lie and follows her. They get almost to the counter and xe stops short to look at a shallow table full of colorful rocks- ooooohhhh

[Lie] Inaudible sigh-

[HG] -grabs some rock candy and some choclate-

[Doc] Putting rocks in one of the small bags-  I have money Lie. I'll contribute. I'm going to give most of this as gifts anyway.

[Lie] - Alright, HG?  Give me your stuff so I can pay for it

[HG] -gives lie the things he picked out-

[Lie] Hands Doc hir things and heads for the counter-

[Doc] Goes to the counter next to her and pays for their stuff with a minimum of fuss-

[Lie] Opts for the zoo's reusable and zero waste bags-

[Doc] Gets three bags with assorted animals on them, and tucks the sticks under their arm. - Well I'm exhausted. Can we head back now?

[Lie] - Yeah, let's go

[HG] -hold his bag of thing- thank you for taking us lie

[Lie] - You're welcome

[Doc] Says hir thanks as well and leads them out, looking for a quiet corner to make a portal- Maybe there's a security camera we can use?

[Lie] - Why not the tv we used to get in?  It was pretty isolated over there

[Doc] I'm all turned around. You lead.

[HG] -is filling his new pail but is ready to follow-

[Lie] Leads them back towards the tv that's still running advertisements- Here we go

[Doc] Makes a hole and scoots inside. Xe makes a beeline for the server-

[Lie] Follows-

[HG] -is following-

[Doc] Opens the firewall and takes a steadying breath as hir resolution evens back down. - Hey. Not much in the chat and nothing is on fire that I can see. That's always good.

[Lie] - Yeah

[Deer] Over chat- Love?  You have a message from the NOTCH server

[Doc] I do? Is it private? Or can you just tell me? I'm heading home either way.

[Deer] - They said they finished getting the numbers?

[Doc] Excellent. I'll empty my inventory and then go over there. How's the new server faring?

[Deer] - A bit mopey, but also kinda antsy

[Doc] Could be worse. Anybody who wants to walk with me can? It looks like it might rain anyway.

[Lie] - I'll go, I'll just meet you over there?

[HG] should head home to check on my goat

[Doc] If you wish. It was fun hanging out with you. Safe sprint home Hg.

[HG] I had a nice time too -run back home-

[Lie] Heads for her place to clear her inventory a little-

[Doc] Whistles merrily and heads into the castle-

[TLOT] Is snoozing in his cat form while Steve lounges in the circle of his body reading a book-

[Doc] Stops whistling when xe sees them- Hey, I have something for you. Don't try it out right now though. It's loud. - Gives him the digeridoo

[Steve] Curiously takes it - Thanks. It's pretty.

[Doc] Thinks for a moment and then pulls out a small lion plushie and sets it between TLOT's paws.

[TLOT] Makes a small noise in his sleep and curls it closer to his face-

[Steve] Awwww.

[Deer] Comes up from below- There you are, Pinwheel is down playing with Crim for now

[Doc] Quietly follows her down - Where's Yaunfen? I have a present for them.

[Deer] - Napping in their room, Buff wore them out

[Doc] Ah, I'll have to catch them later. This is for you though- Xe drapes the large tiger stripe cover-up around her shoulders-

[Deer] - Oh my, what an odd pattern

[Doc] You always look nice in earth tones, and the orange goes with your eyes. - Kisses her-

[Deer] Humms happily- Now don't get to distracted, you still have some work to do

[Doc] It's hard not too! I found so much neat stuff. Look at this- Xe takes out the other stick and turns it over. The sound of softly pattering rain filling the air around them-

[Deer] - Oh how calming

[Doc] And I'm almost ashamed to say: but I bought rocks... - Xe upends the little bag on the table and the colorful gemstones spill out.

[Deer] - Well they are pretty rocks

[Doc] Yeah... I'm just a silly dragon at heart. I love shiny things.

[Deer] - And that's perfectly alright

[Doc] gathers up the stones and puts them and some of the other things away. - I guess I'll go get the numbers. Get it done with. Did they say if they needed anything?

[Deer] - No, although if their server is any indication they seem pretty self sufficent

[Doc] How so? Has he just not asked for anything?

[Deer] - Pretty much, though he has a knack for finding all of the hidden food.  I plan on asking Flux about it soon

[Doc] that's a tad annoying. I'll have to hide the unique items better so he doesn't eat the last one of something.

[Deer] - Already started on that

[Doc] You're the best-

[Deer] - Now go, we don't want to keep that asshole Jeb waiting

[Doc] Did he call while I was gone too? I know I left my command block in the bedroom accidently.

[Deer] - No, but it looked like there was a thank you message from Ever to Lie

[Doc] Fuck sake.... She really needs her own phone. Or computer or something.

[Deer] - Send her out to deliver the numbers and tell her to get a phone while out there then

[Doc] Good idea. Though I am loathe to send her out alone. We randomly ran into Offender today.

[Deer] - I doubt you'd run into him a second time

[Doc] Well not him, I'm sure he's still laughing at animal dicks while his proxy sketches for her art class. But it was a weird coincidence.

[Deer] - I still think she'll be safe, she's connected to CP in more ways then one, he'll go to her immediately if there's any sign of distress

[Doc] Good point. But you can't blame me for being cautious. I'll be back later either way. - heads back up

[Lie] Is waiting in the cage for Doc-

[Doc] Decides to take a shortcut through the ground and spirals down out of the ceiling to land in a double circle around her

[Lie] Yelps in surprise- Doc!

[Doc] Looks at her upside down. Hir eyes dart one way and then the other as if to make sure they're alone. Hir voice is barely a whisper as xe grins- cat nuts.

[Lie] Turns bright red, the glow from her hair rivaling the glowstone above- WHY!?

[Doc] Erupts in gales of giggles - Because it's funny, and you look cool when you glow like that-

[Lie] - Can we just go?

[Doc] Decribes a hole with one paw and gestures for her to go first - Certainly.

[Lie] Steps through into the warmth of the savannah-

[Doc] Slithers out as well and casts around to see if there are any NOTCHs or dragons nearby-

-Everything is relatively quiet.  The village is just a short ways off-

[Doc] What a lovely day- Xe goes trotting off in the the direction of the village

[NOTCHAI] Is waiting outside for them-

[Doc] Shrinks down and walks up to him - Hi again. Everything copacetic?

[NOTCHAI] - So far.- He hands over the journal- We got as many as we could, many are just partial

[Doc] That's okay. They're decently long combos and I don't think there are a ton of NOTCH's in total to begin with. It should be enough to match them all up with the missing ones.

[NOTCHAI] - I'm glad we could be of help

[Doc] I appreciate it. Lets hope the next gen of NOTCHs get along better with their charges.

[NOTCHAI] - We can hope, but expect the worse unless everything has been fixed

[Lie] - At least you guys are safe

[Doc] You know I'll take in anyone who needs help. Rest assured if I find any homeless NOTCHs you'll be the first to know.

[NOTCHAI] - And we'll gladly take them

[Doc] Thank you. - Turns to Lie. - Are you going to deliver the book? Because I thought of something you should do while you're out.

[Lie] - Hm?  I mean, if you really want me to...

[Doc] Why not? You've been pretty buddy-buddy with the staff lately, and we don't want Cp to do it. Though he'd probably enjoy it.

[Lie] Sighs- Oh alright, just let me change my clothes first.  And what do you want me to do?

[Doc] That's fine. And I need you to get a phone for yourself. If only so that Ever kid will stop leaving me messages for you.

[Lie] - I'm sorry...  I didn't intend to bother you with that...

[Doc] No trouble. I just like to keep that line clear for emergencies.

[Lie] Takes the book- Guess I'll get ready to go then

[Peacock] is quietly stalking Firebird and Cn-

[Firebird] -Walking with CN, fluffing wings and humming-

[CN] Is grumpy that he got found-

[Peacock] sneaky-sneak

[Firebird] -Pats CN with one wing-

[CN] Tries to scuttle away-

[Firebird] Nope, no escape. -Scoop CN up and tuck into chest fluff-

[CN] Chirps but does nuzzle into fluff-

-Aand he slowly sinks deeper into the fluff as Firebird walks-

[CN] Soon isn't even visible-

-Dear god there's so much floof, Firebird has to be 99% feathers-

[Peacock] Comes screaming out of a tree straight at Firebird-

[Firebird] -Spook screech and scuttle back, flapping wings at Peacock-

[CN] Is jostled-

[Peacock] Mad dancing around and dumps a bunch of colorful items it's stolen onto Firebird-

[Firebird] -Exasperated bird noises as he's buried under colorful items-

[CN] Makes an escape to safety-

[Peacock] Does a rather silly display dance-

[Firebird] Yes, yes, very nice.. -Wiggle way out of colorful items-

[Peacock] Flaps wings to look big-

[CN] Is sneaking off-

[Peacock] Zeros in on the littler bird with a betrayed look and starts stalking after Cn with wings tucked in tightly-

[CN] Panicked noise-

[Firebird] -Pockets some of the colorful items before hopping after CN and Peacock-

[Peacock] Loud screech at Cn-

[CN] Tries to make himself as small as possible-

[Firebird] -Scoops up CN and tucks him into Fluff- -Screeches at Peacock angrily-

[Peacock] Balls up and ruffles feathers - screeee!

[CN] Is shaking-

[Firebird] -Increased Scree and floof-

[Peacock] Backs off a little- Squee?

[Firebird] -Huffs at Peacock and starts off again-

[Peacock] Flops on the ground and makes a really sad noise-

[CN] Pokes head out with a curious and worried chirp-

[Peacock] Plays dead and makes a sad whining noise-

[Firebird] -Deep intense sigh and turns around to walk back over to the Peacock-

[CN] Hides deep in the feathers again-

[Peacock] Meeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh - feet wiggle-

[Firebird] -Taps Peacock a bit- Get up.

[Peacock] Rolls over- cheep?

[CN] Long worried scree-

[Peacock] Slinks over hoping for cuddles-

[Firebird] -Awkwardly pats Peacock with one wing-

[Peacock] Happy chirping.

[CN] Panics again and goes tearing off-

[Peacock] Looks at Cn like he's crazy

[Firebird] Oh come on, really?

[CN] Vanishes from sight-

[Peacock] Chirp?

[Lie] Quickly went home and changed her clothes to more appropriate and to hide her hair.  She threw on her jeans and hooded sweater, bunching her hair up into the back of her sweater and pulling the sunglasses on.  She gives CP a quick kiss good bye before stepping out into the real world.  She ends up at a mall and finds a kiosk with cheap smart phones.  After fibbing a few things she manages to get a phone and goes off to set it up.  This takes her awhile since it's been a very long time since she handled an actual phone-

[Lie] Deciding to work on it later she finds a secluded corner and creates another opening and ends up near the Mojang headquarters.  Making sure she looks as normal as possible, she heads for the entrance-

[Yster] Is leaning on the copier while it spits out a few pages and notices her- Hey! what are you doing up here in daylight?

[Lie] - I have what you guys asked for and figured it would be more polite to arrive not through one of your computers

[Yster] Oh you got the numbers? And yes, that is appreciated. No need to scare anyone. I'll take you to Dofta. - motions for her to follow

[Lie] Follows, trying to avoid the gazes of the rest of the employees-

[Svit] Gives her a suprised look as they pass in the hall and then turns to watch her butt as she goes-

[Lie] Feels the gaze and uses small vines to make a cold flower appear up his pants leg-

[Svit] YIPES!

[Lie] Smirks and continues following-

[Yster] Guesses she did somthing and hustles her along- Don't! We didn't tell the rest of the staff!

[Lie] -  Sorry, you tend to pick up griefing habits if you hang around griefers a lot

[Yster] Esh... -  Knocks on Dofta's office door and peeks in to make sure she's alone before ushering her in- I have to get back to work anyway. It's gonna be time for another small snapshot update again really soon.

[Lie] - What?  Already?

[Dofta] Oh! Hello Ms. Lie.

[Yster] Looks back- It's mostly patching bugs.

[Lie] - No need for the miss Dofta, and updates are sorta hit and miss for us...

[Dofta] How come?

[Lie] - First update I went through the server froze over for a couple of days and the next one it became super hot

[Dofta] Oh dear... It's not supposed to do that.... Is it an older seed? Or a snapshot server?

[Lie] - Snapshot server, so things do tend to get pretty weird

[Dofta] They can be a little shaky, but you get to see anything new way before everyone else. Do you have any mods installed?

[Lie] Shakes her head- No, but we do bring in things from the real world, plus our own abilities

[Dofta] Taps her chin - I wonder if having that many Herobrines in one place causes distortions in the local code...?

[Lie] - You'd have to ask Deer, she's the server and would know the answer to that

[Dofta] That would be an interesting chat. And a gathering of so many glitches is unprecidented. Actually, you should ask Markus. If he can look at the server code from inside he might be able to tell you if something is different from the normal seed generations too.

[Lie] - Hmmm, I do recall him saying he kept seeing the coding as he was adjusting to the brine blood...

[Dofta] Brine... blood?

[Lie] - Ah, well, when you become fully digital it's rather painful, so to speed up the process we replaced Notch's blood with that of...- Thinks for a moment-  Four brines and two Steves

[Dofta] Just stares at her- I guess there's no such thing as blood types amongst brines...? Poor Markus... I hope you guys are taking good care of him. Jeb has always been a bit of an ass, but the rest of us do miss him.

[Lie] - Oh believe me, he's plenty happy.  He technically kinda lives on my bit of land...  Mostly because of having to deal with his more...  Unruly son

[Dofta] Good. It's weird tothink of him just living in his own game, but then, it is his greatest work. - pauses- Oh, Cp? He seemed a bit volitile. But rambunctious Herobrines are more the norm then the exception. If Markus has any sway over him at all I'd consider that phenominal.

[Lie] Pulls back the sleeve of her hoodie to reveal the pink collar- This has some sway over him to

[Dofta] That looks like a little pet collar?

[Lie] - That's exactly what it is, TLOT made it so when my husband gets too murder or in too much trouble, I can turn him into a cat

[Dofta] A cat?! That's.... That's really funny, oh! I'm sorry for chuckling. He's such a huge guy. It's hard to imagine him as an ocelot.

[Lie] Gives her a mental burst of CP as a cat-

[Dofta] Lets out an - AWWWW - involuntarily. - And his eyes still glow?!

[Lie] - Yeah, it's how it is for all the brines I know that can take other forms, the eyes never change

[Dofta] That's interesting as well. It is a persistent glitch isn't it? How are the new NOTCHs faring and the old ones too, while I'm asking?

[Lie] - Oh, right- SHe digs through her inventory and pulls out the journal- Here's the numbers for the old ones.  They seem to be doing fine, mostly just stick to themselves on their server...   Not sure where my NOTCH is at the moment...

[Dofta] Takes the book-  Well, once I've put this info into the system they're effectively retired and can do whatever suits their fancies anyway. Wait, yours is missing?

[Lie] - Well I mean I know he's with another NOTCH right now, but not where on the server he is.  Buff is very energetic and I usually chat with him briefly when I'm tending to my animals and he's jogging

[Dofta] Oh, well that's okay right? As long as it's one you trust. And that sounds great. I've been doing a lot of work on the new parameters lately. I don't want to generate a crop of nightmares for you guys when I reassign new NOTCHs for the hurt ones charges.

[Lie] - It's much appreciated.  Now I've probably taken up a lot of your work time, so I should go...

[Dofta] Well it was very interesting talking to you, and thank you for the info.

[Lie] - Your welcome, I'll try to find my own way out...  And then figure out this phone...

[Dofta] There's something wrong with your phone?

[Lie] - Heh, haven't used one in forever and a new friend has been sending messages to Doc for me soooooo I was ordered to get myself a phone so theirs would be open for emergencies...

[Dofta] Do you want some help?

[Lie] - Yes please- She pulls the new phone out

[Dofta] Takes it egarly and starts fiddling with it. Her thumbs fly over the touch surface as she sets things up. - So you just need email and text mostly?

[Lie] - Yeah, pretty much

[Dofta] Sets up an address and shows her how to get at it and then opens the contacts book and sets her own number as an example so she can see how to text and add to the address box- Just here and here and like this, and I set up a lock screen code, here's the number.

[Lie] - Thank you so much, no doubt my husband will take it as a personal challenge to hack into it because old habits die hard, but I don't mind

[Dofta] That's kinda slimy.... Do you want a thumbprint lock? Or would that make it not work in-game because of the resolution?

[Lie] - I don't know, but I doubt that would stop him.  It's not as if there's anything on there that he can't see anyways.  This is the man capable of getting past the highest security systems with almost no problems.  And if he gets too annoying, I'll just turn him into a cat

[Dofta] Just offering. I like my privacy.

[Lie] - Oh so do I, and he usually respects that, but he is still a griefer and it shows from time to time, but I'd rather he be doing stuff like this then dragging humans in to murder them again

[Dofta] Gets a fearful look - Why would he do that? Most Herobrine's just stick to sending players to respawn. But then... they can't get out... I think you need to keep this very close to your vest for all our sakes.

[Lie] - Don't worry, he hasn't done so in a very long time

[Dofta] Good. - She hugs herself gently thinking about it- I hope the other brines don't hate us... We don't want to hurt them.

[Lie] - They know it's out of your control, the only one that we have any sort of animosity towards is Jeb, and that's mostly for what he did to TLOT

[Dofta] He's always been rather short-sighted. But it's more stupidity then actual malice. It was better when Markus was here to balance him.

[Lie] - I bet, anyways, I gotta go, but it was nice talking to you

[Dofta] Same. Do you want to use my computer to get out?

[Lie] - Are you sure that's okay?

[Dofta] As long as it won't mess up what I'm working on, that's fine with me.

[Lie] Smiles- Thanks- She reaches out and touches the screen, letting it crackle with static before she waves and slips through the opening and closes the entrance behind her.  She ends up just outside her house and sends a quick message to Doc saying everything was delivered before going in to absorb some heat from her husband

-There's a slight frantic thumping on the door to the castle-

[Steve] Looks up from his book towards the sound. He turns his eyes skyward to see if it's gotten dark to make sure it isn't a zombie and then slides gently out from between his sleeping husbands paws to go check the door. He cracks it and peeks outside-

[CN] Hustles in-

[Steve] Looks at the little bird curiously and it dawns on him - OH! Cn! Where's Firebird?

[CN] Makes frantic wing gestures "outside"-

[Steve] Is he in trouble?!

[CN] Shrugs as best he can-

[Steve] What the fuck Cn?! - Calls over chat - Firebird?! Do you need help?

[CN] Darts down the stairs-

[Steve] Chases him - Hey! Where are you going?

[Firebird] - over chat- i yearn for the sweet embrace of death

[Steve] OH NO! Firebird? Where are you?! I'll get help!

[CN] Pauses at the sight of TLOT-

[TLOT] Soft cat snores-

[CN] Tries sneaking by-

[Firebird] - chat - I'm joking, the peacock is just harassing me again, don't worry that much. Im, just kind of stuck under them

[TLOT] Sniffs and then sniffs a little faster. His paw darts out to catch Cn-

[CN] Very surprised noise-

[Steve] In chat- OH. You scared me.

[TLOT] Gives a lazy yawn that shows off all his fangs - I smell a little NOTCH.

[Firebird] - chat - Sorry

[CN] - No no no!

[TLOT] Why lie to me? It's not like I don't know who you are.

[Steve] Comes down the stairs. - Oh, you got him already-

[CN] - I don't wanna be thrown off of anymore tree's!

[TLOT] Hmmm? I take it the flying lessons didn't go well?

[CN] - No more!

[TLOT] Are you sorry?

[CN] - Yes!

[TLOT] Not going to pluck any more feathers?

[CN] Shakes his head-

[TLOT] Then I guess I could change you back...

[CN] Perks up a little-

[TLOT] Especially since you can't lie to me. Be good. - He picks up the tiny bird in his paws and releases him back into his human form-

[CN] Plops down naked and looks down at himself- Ummm

[TLOT] Closes his eyes-  Your stuff is in your inventory.

[Steve] Looks away hurredly-

[CN] Takes a moment to change back into his hoodie and pants-

[TLOT] Notices the plushie between his paws- Where did this...?

[Steve] Doc left it for you!

[TLOT] Well that's nice. It's cute.

[CN] - I'm gonna go home, I miss my bed

[Steve] That's a good idea Cn. Oh! And Doc gave me something too! - he pulls out the digeridoo-

[TLOT] That's a really colorful stick my lamb-

[Steve] They said it makes noises! I was waiting for you to wake up to try it out!

[TLOT] Ummm

[Steve] Puts the end to his lips and blows. the low reverberating vibrations echo in the vine room.

[TLOT] Looks a bit pained- That's... pretty loud-

[Steve] Happily making tooting noises with the primitive instrument.

[CN] Runs from castle-

[queer-goddess-of-the-hunt]

Part 1 - Part 2

Hey, here’s part 3. I have no idea what I’m going to do with this but I’ll just wing it ;D

Virgil stares at his bedroom ceiling as he lays on his bed, listening to his regular music through headphones. It was Saturday, and he managed to barely get through the first week of school. Between kids making fun of him for the way he dresses and seeing, and avoiding, Roman in the hallway, it had been quite a little train wreck. He was happy to relax in his room for the time being.

A knock on the door caught his attention, so he shut off his music. “What’s up?” Virgil says, letting Patton enter. As he entered, he was holding a small piece of paper. Virgil quickly sat up. “Hey, Verge. I was doing laundry, and there was this note in your jean pocket.” He hands it over to Virgil, who takes it immediately. He nods. “Uh, thanks dad.” “Sure thing, kiddo.” Patton smiles before leaving his son’s room.

Virgil sighs, falling back onto his bed. He almost didn’t want to look at the note. A mixture of nerves and curiosity swam through his head. Fuck it. Virgil unfolds the note, seeing a beautifully written note.

Virgil, you seem really interesting. A little grumpy and emo, yes, but interesting nonetheless! Hang out sometime maybe?

Virgil stares at the note for a few seconds before really processing the information. He must think that Virgil is such an ass for not ever responding to him for the whole week of school. Now that he thought about it, Roman did sit at a different seat after a couple of days in English class. And Virgil did notice Roman lose his high spirits within a few days. He had just assumed that it was because of school, but maybe it was Virgil’s fault.

------------------

On Monday, Virgil ate his breakfast quickly, to the surprise of his dads. “Are you alright, Virgil? You’re eating at an abnormal rate.” Logan had said to him. “I just..really need to get to school.” Virgil continued to scarf down the last of his cereal. “You’re gonna be sick if you keep that up.” He picked up the bowl and put it in the sink. “Don’t worry, dad. I’ll be fine. Is it okay if I walk to school today?” Patton stared at his son for a few seconds before nodding. “Yeah, you have all the time in the world.” Virgil smiles at his dads before picking up his bag and hurrying out the door.

While walking, Virgil began to wonder where Roman lives. He hoped that it wouldn’t be too far away, not that it mattered. It’s not like he cares. It was just some kid that decided to talk to him, for whatever reason.

Virgil runs into the school, checking the time. It was quarter til eight, he’d have enough time. He hurried through the hall, hoping to catch a glimpse of Roman. After having no luck, Virgil decided to get a drink of water from the fountain. As a sips from the water fountain, he wonders where the kid would be. He steps back and looks around, finally catching a glimpse of the brunette beauty.

He works his way through a crowd of people and taps Roman on the shoulder. He turns around, his face slowly turning from a face of shock to anger. “Virgil? I..um, what do you want?” Virgil is taken aback by the sudden anger coming from Roman. “I just..wanted to say hey..” “You ‘just wanted to say hey’? What about when I wanted to say hey? I turned me down, and decided you wanted to ignore me and..and..just forget it, okay? Just ‘fuck off’, like you said last week!”

Virgil was completely shocked and didn’t know what to say. Others were starting to look at them, and tears welled in both boys’ eyes. Roman turned around quickly, setting off in the other direction. Virgil just stood there, sad and hurt, realizing that he had already blown it, had no chance of being friends with Roman at this point. Just because of one shitty day.

He ran off in the opposite direction as Roman, ending at his own locker. He slammed a fist into the lockers, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks, along with the eye shadow he had applied in the morning. He wanted to bawl, let go of everything and sob. This whole ‘having no friends’ thing was really starting to get to him. The school bell was a distant echo at this point, and his vision was beginning to blur with tears. The hallway slowly emptied, leaving him and his sobbing. Virgil quickly wiped away the tears, deciding to just get on with the day.

------------------ 

By the time second hour came, and Virgil had found his seat, he noticed that Roman wasn’t there. Concerned, Virgil asks the girl sitting next to him about Roman. “I don’t know, I haven’t seen him around.” She responds with a shrug. Virgil nods and looks down at his hands, feeling terrible about all of this. All he did was mess everything up. All he wanted to do was fix this, make a new friend, then it would be all okay. He wouldn’t be alone anymore, he’d have someone to talk to when he was feeling down, someone to laugh with. Of course, that’s never how it works out.

At the end of the day, Virgil decided to look for Roman. He doubted that he would still be in the school, but it was worth a try. After looking through the entire school, he decided to give up. There was no point in bothering him when he didn’t want to see him.

Virgil got home, went to through the normal ‘how was school’ routine between his parents and headed directly to his room. He shut his door and grabbed his phone and headphones. That night, he went to the window and climbed out the window, making his way onto the roof. This always calmed him when he was most upset, watching the stars. It always seemed peaceful, especially when compared to the hell that was called life. It was a nice distraction from it all.

The small breeze went through his hair as he looked throughout the neighborhood, counting all of the houses, wondering if Roman was in any of them, crying his eyes out. It was a sad thought, but it was definitely possible. And it made him feel terrible. He was the reason, after all. He just wished that there was a way to fix it all.

Part 4

[lordmongoose]

A Thing About Monster Musu- oh boy

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

spoilers

summary or something:

“YOU FUCK SNAKES!“ - JonTron, 2012

Ya ever watch porn?

Ya ever thought, “Man, I just... I just really wish that girl was a centaur. Or had wings. Or some bullshit i dunfugginkno-”

Well, now your dream can be a reality anime, with the advent of everyone’s favorite anime: Monst... Monster Mu-Musume.

The plot follows some assclown whose name I literally never committed to memory as he lives his daily life with a lamia (half girl, half snek for the un-learned) who is just... Just way too thirsty.

but yeah

So, in this world, the government has been hiding the existence of monster girls from everyone because...

And for whatever reason, they create this new law called the Interspecies Integration Law or whatever wherein monster girls are considered second-class citizens and have to be accompanied by a host family.

A provision in the law also forbids humans harming monster girls and vice-versa. You’d think that regular laws would’ve covered that, but this is a dumb anime gimmick so bear with me here.

N-now, right here’s the catch: Fuckin’ the monster girls counts as harming them for reasons which are literally never disclosed. who wrote this loopholey bullshit, the gop? hueueuueeHUUEHUEUEU-

So, protagonisto has to keep rejecting the snek girl’s advances. Shit gets pretty risque tho.

Then episode 2 comes around and a harpy girl shows up. She kidnaps maincharactererererererer and bringses him to the park, where she then takes off all her clothes and gets in the fountain like it’s a bird bath or somethi-

Shit happens.

The agent who’s in charge of the snek and assigned her to protagonistia be’s all like “yeah fuck it she can live with you,” so she does. Snek believes this to be an O.K. dingle, but then she realizes that Birb is actually as old as she is, she just looks young because birb must be smol in order to fly properly.

Then, like

A centaur woman shows up. She’s literally Darkness from Konosuba minus the masochism, and she decides that protagonism is her master now. Snek doesn’t like because more romantic rivals.

Y’see, the joke with the centaur is that she has large breasts, and they get fondled. Yup. Get used to that.

Then a slime shows up and almost kills them many a time. Not a slime girl, just a slime.

But then the slime observes the other girls and- despite presumably lacking gender traits of any kind- decides to be slime girl. The joke is that she learns from the other girls and mostly just rubs her slime tiddies on everything.

Oh, she also rapes the other girls fairly regularly whenever they spill water on themselves because she needs moisture to live.

Literally.

Really.

Tentacle slime rape.

no, it’s great, i really wanted thi-

So, four girls. Enough girls, right? The plot can start now, ri-

Then a mermaid is appearing and the joke with her is that she wants The Little Mermaid but in real life like this is some Smosh video or something, so she wants to be protagonsmemsmmmememmem’s mistress and not full-time waifu so that she can never be truly romantically fulfilled. Either that or he dies. One of the two. Just as long as she has a sad end, that’s her deal.

She rides in a wheelchair because she has a fish butt.

Alright. Five. Five monster girls. The plot can start no-

Then some pigmen hold up a store and the whole scene is just a thing to reveal the existence of the monster girl agent’s secret monster girl hit-squad, consisting of a zambler, an ogre, a shapeshifter, and a cyclops.

The cyclops acts as the sniper and doesn’t use a scope because huuuuuuuuuuge eye. That’s all.

So, like nine girls now. That’s all that we could ever ne-

Then a spider girl shows u-

Actually, hold on, some guy who sells monster girl fetish porn hears that the Birb is laying an egg. She’s not having a kid or anything, just laying an egg. Y’know. Like a normal bird.

They let the guy in to look around and shit despite the fact that he’s obviously not making a documentary.

Then Birb lays egg. There’s too much moaning the entire time and i hate my whole life. ProtonJon punches his whole face when he realizes that he’s a scumbag and destroys his anus. Not really, but that’d be believable at this point, right?

right.

OKAY

THEN.

a spider girl shows up. She was actually living with the perv guy from earlier. The perv guy sold her silk online for the cash moneys, but she got bored because Prooooppororrpppppprpprprpp sounded interesting, so she kidnaps him and bondages him. He protagonists his way out of the situation and she ends up living with the rest of the guy’s monster harem.

The joke with Spiderman is that she bondages people.

Then, at last, the plot begins.

And by plot, I mean the main guy gets a letter saying he’s gonna die if he marries any of the monster girls. The letter was signed D. So the guy goes on dates with the monster girls in an effort to lure this D out.

For like 3 episodes, he goes on the dates and a character with a name starting with D shows up, but it’s never the correct one.

The first one is a dragon girl who wants to lesbians with Snek because why not.

The second one is a dryad who wants to kill because disrespecting the forest or some shit. They defeat her by sucking the nutrients out of her boo-

The third one is a devil girl who just sorta harasses them. They defeat her when the spider girl kidnaps her and bondages her. Mmmhmm.

Then the agent woman and the main charactererereasdmmdgmdmdm go on a date to lure D out, but the other girls don’t realize it so they sorta just follow them and try to find shit out. The joke here is that the slime girl is shapeshifting into the disguises, and they keep spilling water on themselves, so the slime keeps molesting them. Pretty good jokes. Totally. I love everything about this series. No regerts. Yes, regerts. None of ‘em.

The D reveals itself at last.

sorta

A headless body approaches the guy, so he takes the body home and searches for the head since ya gotta.

The joke here is that the spider woman bondages the body, and when they find the head she’s all bondage’d and shit.

It’s a dullahan who claims that the main guy is on the brink of death because he keeps almost dying, so the girls try to protect him and the joke is that they keep almost killing him.

Then the dullahan moves in with them.

Then the show’s over.

.

WHEN THE FUCK WAS THE PLO-

look

guys

guys, really

This was broadcast on TV at one point, but

like

It’s just softcore porn. Straight up. Actually though.

Like, all the naughty bits are covered by convenient mist and rays of light and placed objects, but really, honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the original manga was actually just legitimately porn.

Actually, I’m gonna look it up right now.

...

oh my fucking god it’s not

.

okay

.

4.5/10, I guess. I don’t regret watching it, per se, if only because I’ve never watched anything this egregiously sinful before, but I wouldn’t tell anyone I watched it either.

...

WAIT SHI-

[reginasrose-blog]

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[mazmisc]

Selection from Fuck Factory by John Lunar Richey

BILL’S LAST STAY

    Bill’s a regular.  He and his girlfriend are practically weekers at the Triborough.  I, being the desk clerk, reach under the desk and hit the buzzer opening the door which allows Bill and some lousy fucker entrance to the office.  A forced joviality accompanies Bill’s usual wired state of urgency.  I hate his restless, coked-up chitter-chatter. Makes me nervous and throws my concentration.

    I grab the lousy fucker’s cash for a short stay.  The guy leaves the office with key in hand and retrieves his girlfriend from the car.

    I change the registration card and direct it towards Bill.  He waves it away. “I already got a room.” He watches the couple as they enter their room.  “I just have some time to kill. Thought I’d say hello…I got a line if ya want it…”

I think about it.  Change the subject, “You know, your girlfriend called.  Said her car was missin.” The same car Bill drove into the parking lot.

    “Yea!?  She forgot…I borrowed it…I got a joint too…c’mon.”

     What the fuck – it’s slow –  a few tokes, a couple of lines wouldn’t hurt.  Keep me going. “Sounds good…we’ll go into one of the empty rooms.”

    “Let’s go.”

     Locking the office door behind me, we walk through the horseshoe parking lot.  Bill keeps chattering on as I look into the pink sunset sky and remind myself to turn on the motel lights when I return to the office. 

“What room?”

    “Room 10.”  Bill follows me in, waving a joint.  “Here! Light it up. I’ll be right back with the coke.”  Bill opens the trunk of his girlfriend’s Nova and fishes around beneath a blanket.  I exhale sweet reefer smoke out the bathroom window as Bill returns with a tire iron.

    “Bill – what the hell are you doin?”

    “Give me the keys,” Bill says, hands gripped tight to the tire iron.

    I take another toke, laugh a bluff, “For a moment I thought you were serious.”

   “Seth,” he says looking me in the eye, “I am serious.”

   “Don’t do this,” I beg.

   “GIVE ME THE KEYS!”  Tire iron raised.

   “Okay.”  Bill has the master keys.

   “Now lie on the floor!”

   “What?”

   “LIE ON THE FLOOR!”  he shouts, eyes bulging, iron waving.

    “Can’t I lie on the bed?” I ask, eyeing the door.  Unable to get out the door, I figure the bed will at least cushion a blow.

    Bill’s white knuckles pull back on the tire iron – “LIE ON THE FLOOR!”

    Unable to get past him or overpower him – wanting it all to go away – I lie on the floor awaiting unconsciousness.

    “NOW DON’T MOVE!”

    Bill walks out, closing the door behind him.

    I rise to a crouching position in front of the window and watch Bill leave the office, pass my room, open the door to his girlfriend’s Nova, throw the tire iron into the backseat and drive away.

    I walk back to the office.  I stare in disbelief at the opened and emptied drawer.  My mind races. I wonder what to do. I call my boss and get his kid’s voice fooling around on the answering machine.  Cute. I hang up the phone and call up Frank. He works at the motel with me. I tell him what happened. I tell him it could have happened to him.

    “I don’t do drugs,” Frank says and tells me to call the cops.

    “What?  Bill’s off his rocker.  He’s a crazy crackhead.”

    “You’re being paranoid.”

    “I’m in the phone book!”  I protest against his straight sensibilities.  “He knows my car! The bars I hang out at! He’s a crackhead!  It’s best to get rid of him.  Otherwise he’s trouble on the run or on bail.  Don’t matter. I don’t want no drugged lunatic on the loose threatening my existence.”

    I hang up the phone and figure the damage to be only 220 bucks.

    I redial Frank who agrees to bring me a $220 loan.

    “After all,” I tell him, “It’s my fault for being fooled by such swine.  Filing police reports and answering their questions wouldn’t catch him…it would get me fired.”

    I let Bill ride…

_________________________________________________________________

HARMONY HILL

    Johnson University stands on Harmony Hill.  Uninitiated students moving from safe suburban streets to Harmony Avenue learn fast.  They become prey: harassed, mugged and sold beat drugs. Their apartments are broken into and ransacked.  Women asleep in their beds aren’t safe unless all windows and doors are locked. Harmony can be harsh and violent.

    And that’s just where I’m headed.

    Snore just got himself an apartment on Harmony Ave.

    On his corner prostitution reigns.  Biological women work one side – across the street transsexuals strut their sex – both harboring the disease.  Makeup conceals lesions and needle marks.

    Habits are fed two blocks away at the projects.

    Snore believes he is in heaven.  He’s a five-minute walk from a bag of dope.  He knows the deals and the dealers by name. Since the dealers are his friends, Snore’s house-warming party is open to the hood.  Junkies, whores, and dealers are welcome. They pop in. Use the bathroom. Scope out Snore’s friends. Encourage business.

    Snore’s friends fit right in – eccentric weirdos, artists, flaming queens, musicians, and bartenders – many sharing the same addictions while others only indulge on weekends.  It’s Saturday night. In dark corners of the living room drugs and cash are exchanged.

    In the bedroom…who knows?  The door is shut.

    Aurora, beautiful Jewish/Wiccan painter, Goddess of the Night, sits in the bright kitchen with an odd old friend named Tommy: a skinhead nazi guitarist for The Nihilists.  Tommy sits at the table with his cock out.  “I have to piss.”

    Tommy’s new girlfriend – he always has a new one – gets down on her knees, drinks his fleshy fountain.

    Aurora laughs in disgust and belief.  Tommy’s capable of anything.  She knows that.

    “Aurora can laugh,” Tommy says.  “She’s a Jew. And I hate Jews.  We all know that!  But she’s different.  Somehow she’s gained my friendship.”  Tommy smirks, “No lampshade or gas chamber for her.  She can be my sex slave.”

    “That Will Never Happen!”  Aurora shouts out loud. Her nervous laugh acknowledges that if Tommy’s Nazis were in power, she would be her on her knees.

    “You wait, my dear,” says Tommy with a menacing smile.

    “FOREVER!”  Aurora yells.

    The bedroom door opens.  A bare-chested blonde exits.  Someone’s fucking on the bed. A naked brown-skinned woman is on top.  Her back to us as she moans and rides upon milky white thighs. Closing the door, the blonde pulls her tube top over her large breasts and sits at the kitchen table.  She preps her glass pipe and watches Tommy’s girlfriend, still on her knees, giving head. Snore’s German shepherd stalks, sniffs. Tommy’s girlfriend pulls back. Smiles as the dog licks Tommy’s cock and walks away.  The girlfriend continues.

    The busty blonde lights up the rock.  Exhales, “I’m pregnant.” Takes another hit.

    I grab a beer from the fridge.

    “Can you get me one?” asks the new mother.

    “Anyone else?”

    Hands go up.  I grab a five-pack but its empty plastic ring and put it on the table.  Five beers pop open.

    The blonde mother shakes her head, “Damn – that guy in the bedroom offers me a tip, right?  Just wants to suck my ‘big titties.’  I say okay.  And he gets a mouthful.”  She drinks her beer. She hits the pipe…exhales.  Blankly stating, “I’m lactating.”

    Tommy’s girlfriend stands up.  Wipes her hand across her mouth.  Swigs a beer.

    Tommy begins his usual barrage about the superiority of Aryans Cursing “the scourge of our nation: niggers, Jews and spics.”  It wouldn’t surprise me if Tommy gets jumped by the Brothers standing by and listening. That’s happened before.

    I grab my beer and walk out on the second floor porch for some fresh air.  Jeff, trombone player and only white dude in the reggae band Respect is very pale, sweating profusely, swaying as the boom box blasts the old Supremes tune, “You Can’t Hurry Love.”

    “Oh man,” Jeff moans, leans over the banister and pukes…

    “Heads up!” I yell.

    “I don’t feel too good,” Jeff confides.

        “Done heroin before?” I ask.

    Jeff weakly shakes his head, removes his T-shirt and wipes his sweating face.  “I’ll be okay,” leans over the ledge…pukes.

    I back into the apartment.

    “Yo!” Doctor Crucial, the Cuban coke dealer with doctor bag, calls me over for some lines…nostrils numb…everything rings true, “Amazing.”

    The Doctor laughs, “Nooo credit.”  He’s high and as usual in his own movie.

    “I’m gonna buy a beer.  Want one?”

    “My boy,” Doc says snorting another line.

    I head for the fridge.

    The crack mom is pushing against the bathroom door.  “Hey let me in.” She leans in sideways. Looks down, “Hey!  This guy don’t look too good.” She backs up and gestures me over.  I lean in and take a look. Snore is blue-lipped, ashen, passed out on the floor.

    “Hey!  I Need Some Help Here!”

    Two of Snore’s junkie friends rush in – “Don’t worry!  We got ‘im” – Snore is raised up and sitting on the toilet seat.

    “Shit!”  The guy says, fingers on Snore’s wrist.  “No pulse…better call 911. On second thought,” he whispers, “we’ll take him around the corner.”  Gives me a hard look, “Gotta be done sometimes.”

    A panicky voice on the phone gives Snore’s address and plays dumb to questions.  “I don’t know!” She says. “He’s passed out. Just get here quick.” She hangs up the phone, “Ambulance On Its Way!”

    “And I’m on my way,” Doctor Crucial grabs his drug bag and heads down the stairs.    “Me too,” says another.The exodus begins.  Personal possessions are quickly gathered.  Whores, junkies, musicians, artists, and flames flee as the faint siren grows louder.

    Friends that stay scamper, cleaning the apartment of incriminating evidence.

    Snore stays slumped over the toilet seat.  A crying friend splashes his face with water.  “I feel a pulse!” She screams. “C’mon Snore! Snap out of it!”  She shakes him.

    “EMS,” a white uniform walks into the bathroom.  He rolls up Snore’s sleeves, sees the tracks. “Overdose,” he yells to his partner.  Holding Snore’s head in his hands, he lifts Snore’s lids and stares into his eyes. “What drugs has he taken?”

    No one says anything.

    “Give us room,” sighs the EMS partner.

    Snore is given a shot and strapped to the stretcher.

    Snore slowly awakens, “Get me off this stretcher.”

    “You’re coming with us, pal…You’re lucky to be alive.”

    Snore pleads with me, “Seth, come with me.”

    I sit next to him in the ambulance.  Snore calls me close, “Not Johnson Hospital.”  Makes sense. Snore works at Johnson Hospital. Snore whispers, “My name is Ted.”  Winks, “Ted Freeman.”

    “Take him to Saint Peter’s,” I tell the ambulance medic.

    “I’m not driving,” the medic responds.

    I yell up front, “Please take Ted to Saint Peter’s.”

    The driver says nothing.

    The ambulance pulls up to the emergency entrance at Johnson’s Memorial Hospital.

    ‘Ted Freeman’ is wheeled through the sliding and swinging doors and into a curtained partition in the ER.  He is wired to a heart monitor and connected to a glucose drip. “You can go now,” Snore tells me.

    “You sure?”

    “Yea.  I’ll be out in no time.  Wait for me at my apartment.  Make sure no one rips me off.”

    I walk out the swinging doors as Snore reiterates: “Ted Freeman…no insurance,” and gives a fake address.

    I make my way back to Harmony – a vampire remnant of the night – the sun burns through my squinting eyes as I pass the open shops, the students, and the business-attired.

    Inside Snore’s apartment the curtains are drawn.  People have passed out from opiates and alcohol or stagger around in coke-induced deliriums.  A dehydrated zombie asks from the white-crusted corner of his mouth, “Did you bring any beers?”  In afterthought, he inquires, “How’s Snore?”

    I shake my head, “He’s all right.  He’ll be back soon.” I slump into a couch and wait.

    A half hour later Snore walks in with a 12-pack of beer.

    “You’re a saint,” a stoner gives praise.

    The sleepy pin-eyed rally into the bright kitchen for a beer.

    Everyone listens to Snore’s story: “There I was, hooked up to IV and monitors using a fictitious name, Ted Freeman…”

    “The homeless dude at Johnson Park?”

    “Yeah.  His name just popped into my head.  Sounded good at the time.” Snore takes a drag from his cigarette, “Then, thereal  Ted Freeman walks into the emergency room.”

    “WHAT?”

    Snore nods, “I’m lying there on the stretcher when I hear, ‘My name’s Ted Freeman and I think I did too much coke.’  And then he starts goin’ on about his heart beating too fast and shit.”

    “No way!!” says Tommy.

    Snore puts his hand up – in oath – “I’m telling the truth.”

    “What did you do?”

    “I unplugged myself, threw my clothes on, and snuck out.”

    “Get the fuck out of here!” a single shrieking exclamation of disbelief.

    Snore raises his hand again.  “I took the elevator up to the lab.  Punched in. Told the crew I stayed at a friend’s house and bumped my head.”  Everyone laughs. Snore takes a healthy swig of his beer. “Then I told them I had to go home to take a shower and change my clothes.”

    “They were cool with that?”

    “I’m here,” Snore says grinning.  He raises his beer. We laugh and toast.  “But I have to get back to work,” Snore grumbles towards the shower.  Rushing out the bathroom, Snore grabs another beer and shuffles into his bedroom.  Dressed in lab blues Snore yells, “Bye!” and closes the door behind him.

    The beers are going fast.  I grab another. Then slump back into the couch, very tired, thinking that today I better call in sick to work.  Body heavy, exhausted, I finish my beer and fall asleep…

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