wild-at-mind · 1 year ago
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Hacking my brain on depression: one of my favourite things to do when depressed is convince myself that me feeling like shit is actually good, because it's an appropriate reaction to all the horrible things happening in the world.
The way tumblr social justice culture used to be structured was very based on 'bad feelings in a privileged person=something good is happening'. This came from the idea that people in privileged groups often feel very defensive when introduced to new ideas about how the world is structured in their favour. Their negative feelings about learning this eventually (in theory) translate into learning more and understanding more about the reality of marginilised people.
This is a real thing but it's not all there is. It's actually really weird now I come to think of it that the tumblr social justice sphere (and later the twitter version of same) latched onto this so hard. There are many other ways to come across information that makes you seriously change your worldview about privilege. There are also many things that can make you feel awful without any kind of productive thought and no benefit to anyone else or to yourself. Feeling like shit in reality usually doesn't translate to doing anything productive. (I'm not convinced it works in most social justice contexts except someone discovering a new idea for the first time, actually.)
So occassionally you still run into the kind of stuff like above on here, and it's really bad for my brain, personally. I actually use it as a kind of emotional self harm during the depression spirals. (This is probably obvious if you read my blog.) I get so I can't even contemplate trying to access outside help with my illness, or the simplest internal coping mechanisms that would help (e.g. if reading horrible tumblr blogs makes you feel worse, stop!). So I try and hack my brain by telling it- actually it's really important that you stop this because otherwise you will actually be worse at social justice stuff- if you can't engage with anything without shutting down how is that a good thing for any kind of cause? And I try and use that to get myself out of a spiral. How well it works will be seen- if I write 20 tumblr posts in the next few hours: it didn't work. If I'm not seen agian for a while: it worked.
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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bacchuschucklefuck · 2 months ago
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they licensed his ass
my finished piece of the FWMS (official name definitely 100%) thing we started a few days ago! I had fun I hope folks had and/or continue to have fun with the sketch as well.
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ionomycin · 1 year ago
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Traveller
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months ago
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Started a new book series, and has been a journey...an Odyssey, if you will.
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luna-loveboop · 4 months ago
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I find it funny that Wild, who has basically a couple years ish of full life experience, comes up with the most insane theories for everything
He assumed that the only other explanation to Four being able to split in Four was. That he was quadruplets who'd been hiding this whole time???
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Also apparently he believed that his wolf companion Twilight in botw was a diety (and felt very uhh shocked upon finding out that he was not)
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Malon made things worse, telling him about her aliens theory
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What's even FUNNIER is that every time Wild expresses any sort of confusion at magic stuff that he's never seen before, everyone else in the chain acts like it's crazy for him to be weirded out by it
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Honestly maybe Wild's the only one with his head on straight, rather than everyone else who are just like 'it's magic bro' like no he's right this is weird
I appreciate this because it's very considerate of the fact that he woke up with no memories not too long ago, so he doesn't have much experience to explain the stuff that's 'normal' for the chain. Plus the explanations he comes up with are funny.
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:)
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Art and comic and adorable character by Jojo @linkeduniverse au :D
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stil-lindigo · 1 year ago
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ashes to ashes.
a short comic about the day Ash was born.
Ash's story
Red and Wolf's story
notes:
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--
all my other comics
store
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chiropteracupola · 5 months ago
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Creamthing d'or passant reguardant, by a sheaf of arrows percée ...and Montjoy also.
[creamthing is the creation of the inimitable @samsketchbook; despite this choice of adjective, I have nonetheless tried my best at a little heraldic creamthing]
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claraoswalds · 1 year ago
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The Girl Who Died // Hell Bent
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horreurscopes · 8 months ago
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i like my body when it is with your body.
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artsyarrowl · 4 months ago
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sixteenthchapel · 1 year ago
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If sun wukong managed to get the golden fillet off his head during the journey what would happen in your opinion? Like, would he immediately fuck off back to flower fruit mountain, go on a murderous rampage with his newfound freedom or would there be a touching moment between the group where he choses to stay on the journey (showing his growth as a character and how he choses to better himself without having be forced to do so),
Also how would the rest of the group react? I imagine they’re all probably terrified cause what if he choses to get vengeance for being forced into a journey and punished for things he doesn’t care about ect
I suppose the answer to this does all rely on WHEN that happens... Wukong does eventually become a better person, or.. monkey. But me personally, I do greatly prefer dealing in "early Monkey" hehe.
the kind of Wukong i love is the one that is perfectly happy being very manipulative, lulling Tripitaka into a false sense of security just so he can escape and be free to be as dangerous and crazy as he wants.
The rest of the group? You bet Pigsy and Sandy would see straight through him. The only thing keeping everyone safe at that point is Wukong keeping that headband on. But Tripitaka, bless this poor priest's heart, is still too young and naive- far too trusting.
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Far
far
FAR too trusting
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But fortunately this may be the only kind of trick Wukong can play once. Tripitaka may be trusting, but stupid? far from it
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voidzpng · 1 month ago
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I would like everyone to meet my new obsession : Monkey
I'm still trying to figure out a consistent way to draw him
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lavaflowe · 11 months ago
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Perched
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 14 days ago
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hope you feel better soon!
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I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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chidoroki · 1 year ago
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"Unstoppable" by Donna Ashworth
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