Text
Hacking my brain on depression: one of my favourite things to do when depressed is convince myself that me feeling like shit is actually good, because it's an appropriate reaction to all the horrible things happening in the world.
The way tumblr social justice culture used to be structured was very based on 'bad feelings in a privileged person=something good is happening'. This came from the idea that people in privileged groups often feel very defensive when introduced to new ideas about how the world is structured in their favour. Their negative feelings about learning this eventually (in theory) translate into learning more and understanding more about the reality of marginilised people.
This is a real thing but it's not all there is. It's actually really weird now I come to think of it that the tumblr social justice sphere (and later the twitter version of same) latched onto this so hard. There are many other ways to come across information that makes you seriously change your worldview about privilege. There are also many things that can make you feel awful without any kind of productive thought and no benefit to anyone else or to yourself. Feeling like shit in reality usually doesn't translate to doing anything productive. (I'm not convinced it works in most social justice contexts except someone discovering a new idea for the first time, actually.)
So occassionally you still run into the kind of stuff like above on here, and it's really bad for my brain, personally. I actually use it as a kind of emotional self harm during the depression spirals. (This is probably obvious if you read my blog.) I get so I can't even contemplate trying to access outside help with my illness, or the simplest internal coping mechanisms that would help (e.g. if reading horrible tumblr blogs makes you feel worse, stop!). So I try and hack my brain by telling it- actually it's really important that you stop this because otherwise you will actually be worse at social justice stuff- if you can't engage with anything without shutting down how is that a good thing for any kind of cause? And I try and use that to get myself out of a spiral. How well it works will be seen- if I write 20 tumblr posts in the next few hours: it didn't work. If I'm not seen agian for a while: it worked.
#depression daze#something i noticed recently is that tumblr and other social media really likes individual scapegoats#for problems we know perfectly well are societal.#for example a damning anecdote about a specific well-off white gentrifier#is more compelling than an article about how structural and policy changes can reverse gentrification.#i get why the 'if you feel bad it's a sign you need to change' ideas caught on i just don't get why they didn't in other regards.#e.g. if you feel really horrible in an unexplained way when you think about trans stuff as an assumed cis person maybe you aren't cis?#that was kind of my journey#maybe it's not that common to have this happen but i've spoken to other people who recognised this experience#the thing with privileged vs marginilised dynamics is that anyone can be in either one for a particular reason all at the same time#it's not good vs evil#like because everyone has a mix of characteristics i mean#not explaining this part well
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
50K notes
·
View notes
Text
they licensed his ass
my finished piece of the FWMS (official name definitely 100%) thing we started a few days ago! I had fun I hope folks had and/or continue to have fun with the sketch as well.
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhsy#riz gukgak#Fuck With My Sketch#I mean it I'm gonna use that. gotta stop me if u dont wanna#doing things like this is bittersweet bc this slaps and I look at this and Im like well. I will never be able to nail this look again#I guess that's the plight of self taught art. but also it means you have to learn to let go and go look for different delights#you can't get too attached to one way of doing things. you will find many new things on ur way to make more funny bictures n such#this slaps tho Im so happy with how this came out lol. its be a long while since I last drew something in this vein#appropriate that its for riz lol he deserves it. he deserves the photoshoot pieces#funny enough this also kind of was prompted by drawfee? in one of the episodes I was binging (I thiiiink the one bg a day ep)#jacob brought up one of the artists I follow on twitter (havent been there in a decent while lol) who uses a pretty distinct#blue-on-red palette that got me to think abt teal-on-red and then this happened#funny enough I did start the piece with teal-on-red but then I shifted to blue after and was like wait I love this suddenly#and then committed lol. I should work with teal-on-red properly more but for now! we have fun! we enjoy#thats my journey thank u for listening. thank u for drawing with me if u have and come hang next time if u havent
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Traveller
#artists on tumblr#at it again with the detailed backgrounds#there's something so relaxing about drawing 49285947 leaves#it seems we've kind of skipped the colorful part of autumn here#went straight from summer hot days to winter depression grey#all of my DMs are on hiatus or travelling so no D&D for a couple of weeks#bless them all on their journeys and forays#i hope every DM is having a good day actually#thank u for your service
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
Started a new book series, and has been a journey...an Odyssey, if you will.
#poorly drawn odyssey#the odyssey#Athena#telemachus#penelope#odysseus#calypso#I also drew Phemius the bard and Antinous the leader of the suitors but I'll hold onto those for a while longer.#The Odyssey has been on my reading list for ages and I finally decided to just dive into the Robert Fagles translation.#*nobody* ever talks about how damn funny the Odyssey is. Oh my god. I have been howling.#The poor bard doomed to keep playing for this unending feast. The most unwilling court jester.#Penelope being introduced by her crying about how much she 'hates this song'.#And Telemachus is the goodest lad. The OG protag to set about on his heroes journey.#He is kind! He is soft! He yearns for adventure and finding out the truth! He wants to get back at his bullies!#He even gets a companion named Mentor. THE original mentor! Who is *totally* not a god by the way. Just a guy.#Not to mention how much Odysseus gets hyped up only for his first appearance to be him sobbing non-stop.#Honestly I was mostly motivated by the need to do research for a personal project but I've been having the best time.#I sincerely doubt my current audience has any overlap with classic Greek literature but expect a few more PD-Odyssey posts.#(Yes - I am familiar with Epic the Musical; this is not fanart of that adaptation).
714 notes
·
View notes
Text
I find it funny that Wild, who has basically a couple years ish of full life experience, comes up with the most insane theories for everything
He assumed that the only other explanation to Four being able to split in Four was. That he was quadruplets who'd been hiding this whole time???
Also apparently he believed that his wolf companion Twilight in botw was a diety (and felt very uhh shocked upon finding out that he was not)
Malon made things worse, telling him about her aliens theory
What's even FUNNIER is that every time Wild expresses any sort of confusion at magic stuff that he's never seen before, everyone else in the chain acts like it's crazy for him to be weirded out by it
Honestly maybe Wild's the only one with his head on straight, rather than everyone else who are just like 'it's magic bro' like no he's right this is weird
I appreciate this because it's very considerate of the fact that he woke up with no memories not too long ago, so he doesn't have much experience to explain the stuff that's 'normal' for the chain. Plus the explanations he comes up with are funny.
:)
.
Art and comic and adorable character by Jojo @linkeduniverse au :D
#I hope this made sense I didn't edit much#linkeduniverse#linked universe#Lu wild#djdjdjdkdjdkckdkxkgg#the 'this is normal it's fine' chain#and 'why is this tree speaking to me' wild#it's just. I mean. I'd have some pretty insane theories too ok#he has no idea why someone could split into four but he has seen two identical twins at a stable once so surely that's an explanation#he's literally so smart tho. like creativity and stuff? being able to pick up on new skills and concepts? he's a genius. a very goofy genius#aahh for his age I said 2 years of life context because he says he's 117 + Jojo said Lu is less than a year after his journey#also mental memories maturity and time awake is all so complicated#so I just said a couple years as kind of a base number idk#(aaaaand if i said anything offensive im sorry of course and none of this is meant as a criticism of wild but I love his crazy theories)#everyone's thoughts matter so much and I love you guys /gen <33#:)#and. I like this and it's funny and fluffy but if my angst writers wanted to get a hold of this O.O
735 notes
·
View notes
Text
ashes to ashes.
a short comic about the day Ash was born.
Ash's story
Red and Wolf's story
notes:
--
all my other comics
store
#we love a family with a storied history of loving women and committing mass murder#wolf is a couple years older than she was in her original comic but still just as smitten with red#i dont intend on making it a habit to connect my comics together into a shared universe#but i did make ash with the internal headcanon that she was the kid of red and wolf#if only to justify elements of her design#the gravity defying hair - the control over fire - the commitment to a black/white/red colour scheme#i wont be doing a backstory for snow btw since she's kind of just. a human being who grew up very entitled and spoiled#although maybe during her undead journey she unknowingly comes across her mothers-in-law in the mountains#(they like to live in remote snowy areas)#red would like her#thats all!#thank you for reading#sapphic art#comic art#stillindigo art#hearteaters#stillindigo comics
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Creamthing d'or passant reguardant, by a sheaf of arrows percée ...and Montjoy also.
[creamthing is the creation of the inimitable @samsketchbook; despite this choice of adjective, I have nonetheless tried my best at a little heraldic creamthing]
#em draws stuff#creamthing#le roy d'armes des françois (dit montjoye)#<- look who has a montjoy tag now. only montjoy tagging because this is kind of nonsense.#sometimes the mood is creamthing heraldry. who can explain it who can tell you why.#midway through this piece I had a Weeping Session over the meaningfulness of like. Most of my art actually.#and then I took a break and redid the colors with sort of a red-yellow-blue forced focus which helped a lot#and also I decided that if you Believe in your silliness then it can be Meaningful Intertextuality.#the journey of creamthing. the journey of montjoy. creamthing as a pelican in its piety.#spent a Lot of time on heraldry wikipedia and then ancient archival scans of heraldry encyclopedias to try and get the description right#heraldic language is Hard and I still definitely didn't get it right but I Tried. and I like how it turned out :)
439 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Girl Who Died // Hell Bent
#dwedit#doctor who#usertennant#userveronika#userteri#twelfth doctor#clara oswald#doctor x clara#twelveclara#*#I'M SICK OF LOSING PEOPLE. LOOK AT YOU WITH YOUR EYES AND YOUR NEVER GIVING UP AND YOUR ANGER AND YOUR KINDNESS.#ONE DAY THE MEMORY OF THAT WILL HURT SO MUCH THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO BREATHE AND I'LL DO WHAT I ALWAYS DO.#I'LL GET IN MY BOX AND I'LL RUN AND I'LL RUN IN CASE ALL THE PAIN EVER CATCHES UP. AND EVERY PLACE I GO IT WILL BE THERE.#anyway idk if this makes sense outside of my head but the journey between like#she might meet someone she can't bear to lose -> gives her a second repair kit so she can make someone else immortal too ->#he can't bear to lose clara -> he brings her back from the dead which makes her functionally immortal ->#look how far i went for fear of losing you#ok actually i need to make a full parallel set. someone remind me to do that
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
i like my body when it is with your body.
#death note#meronia#near#mello#mihael keehl#nate river#mello dn#near dn#artists on tumblr#horreurart#been working on this one here and there for a long while. i love drawing mello's scar >:) it's like a brain coral or a very shitty maze.#also i cannot remember the last time i posted something even slightly racy so this feels rather scandalous#2024 is the year of posting sexy blorbo art i've decided...#anyway this literally happened in canon it just wasn't relevant to death note's journey. source: trust me#something kind of melancholic about this piece i think. it's like spying on them. it pulled that one ee cummings poem from the#deepest receses of my mind -- i hadn't thought about it in years. it's sooo romantique. to me#girl help the anime boys are in doomed love...#in my mind this forbidden rendezvous is happening in one of those abandoned love motels with heart shaped tubs and round mattresses and#mirrors on the ceiling and wall carpeting. it's kind of gross.#sometime between spk control room meeting and mello dying. rip king at least you got the love of your life laid once (1) one time
569 notes
·
View notes
Text
#fern and chilchuck are 100% Old People when using any kind of technology#my stuff#fanart#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#sousou no frieren#frieren: beyond journey's end#fern frieren#chilchuk tims#stark frieren#laios touden#dungeon meshi fanart#2h45#3h21
228 notes
·
View notes
Note
If sun wukong managed to get the golden fillet off his head during the journey what would happen in your opinion? Like, would he immediately fuck off back to flower fruit mountain, go on a murderous rampage with his newfound freedom or would there be a touching moment between the group where he choses to stay on the journey (showing his growth as a character and how he choses to better himself without having be forced to do so),
Also how would the rest of the group react? I imagine they’re all probably terrified cause what if he choses to get vengeance for being forced into a journey and punished for things he doesn’t care about ect
I suppose the answer to this does all rely on WHEN that happens... Wukong does eventually become a better person, or.. monkey. But me personally, I do greatly prefer dealing in "early Monkey" hehe.
the kind of Wukong i love is the one that is perfectly happy being very manipulative, lulling Tripitaka into a false sense of security just so he can escape and be free to be as dangerous and crazy as he wants.
The rest of the group? You bet Pigsy and Sandy would see straight through him. The only thing keeping everyone safe at that point is Wukong keeping that headband on. But Tripitaka, bless this poor priest's heart, is still too young and naive- far too trusting.
Far
far
FAR too trusting
But fortunately this may be the only kind of trick Wukong can play once. Tripitaka may be trusting, but stupid? far from it
#ty for the ask <3#i do love a mean monkey#this kind of wukong is just my fave thats all....#hes on a journey for redemption#a long long long loooooooooong journey#sun wukong#jttw#jttw tag#tripitaka#zhu bajie#sha wujing
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
I would like everyone to meet my new obsession : Monkey
I'm still trying to figure out a consistent way to draw him
#journey to the west#jttw#jttw sun wukong#sun wukong#It's ofc a fan design - kind of a mix between orv's sun wukong and black myth#sun wukong x oc#sun wukong x reader#The white furred monkey doesn't have a name yet they're star themed so we're calling them celestial monkey with my friends for now#It's so funny his skin gets darker each time I draw him lol
135 notes
·
View notes
Text
Perched
#I realized I’ve never drawn this version of my design outside of the ref sheet and that is a CRIME#big puffball monke#mmmmm my fav kind#sun wukong#jttw#journey to the west#my art#my design
520 notes
·
View notes
Note
hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
388 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Unstoppable" by Donna Ashworth
#the promised neverland#tpn manga#tpn emma#tpn ray#rayemma#emma#ray#my edits#happy november 13th aka the day the kiddos crossed over to the human world and our fearless protagonist achieved her goal.#im so proud of her..& i didnt mean for this to turn into something so RE relatable but it just fits ya know? ray's been by her side the#entire journey so of course he would witness all her ups & downs. i dunno if he would indulge in poetry however but with all the#books in the GF & bunker library im sure he's at least come across his far share of poems over the years. so yeah. i sorta imagined him#writing all this down and sketching out his memories alongside it all. hopefully the panels convey that kind of look. who knows.
833 notes
·
View notes