#that way it sticks and my lectures make more sense and require less struggling to keep up

[femmesandhoney]

No but I meant like what to study after lectures

well i'm not sure what kind of classes you have and what your major is, but in my case i make sure i understood the readings, have caught up on all my readings, and could explain them to others if need be. that's a good way to kind of "test yourself" too, pretend you're explaining the significance of a chapter/reading after or while reading. tbh i don't really study except for quick one off "did i understand this concept/chapter/reading?" do i understand these words and definitions and could i explain them or use them correctly if i had to write about or was questioned on it? i don't have the kinds of classes were i'm intensely making quizlets or doing a bunch of practice problems, but if you are in classes where that's necessary, then yeah make flashcards, quiz yourself. but yeah i'm not sure i'm gonna be that helpful here, i normally just re-read my notes and make sure i understand what the importance of the lecture was and key takeaways, concepts, terms, etc.

[47crayons]

so, you want to write a musician?

about me: i play viola and have experience in symphony orchestras, string orchestras, string quartets (+ a few other small ensembles), and solo performances. i've done some light composition, and have friends/family who play other instruments. while my musical history is extensive, by no means do i know everything or speak for everyone.

this guide will focus on classical music/how to portray classical musicians and things that aren't as easily researched.

quick overview of instruments in a typical symphony orchestra

upper strings (violin, viola), lower strings (cello, (double) bass; i've seen viola included here too, but it's more commonly classified as upper strings)

strings also technically includes harp and piano

woodwinds (flute, oboe, clarinet, bassoon)

depending on instrumentation, they may also have piccolo, english horn, bass clarinet, contrabassoon

saxophones are not traditionally in symphony orchestras due to it being a relative newer instrument! but this is changing because more contemporary composes are including sax parts

brass (trumpet, trombone, bass trombone, tuba, euphonium)

percussion (depends heavily on instrumentation, but common instruments are bass drum, timpani, snare, crash cymbal, xylophone, marimba)

some things you should research

where the hands are supposed to go!! i'd recommend you look at pictures of professionals in orchestra settings (ny phil, cso, berlin phil are all top tier). some musicians *coughs at yoyo ma* have less than perfect posture when they're performing solos (for the same reasons famous authors can break "rules")

necessary equipment including reeds, rockstops, different kinds of sticks/mallets, rosin, mouth pieces for whatever instrument you're writing

common misconceptions

loose/photocopied sheet music is not aesthetic—it's annoying and impossible to keep organized. folders and binders are fairly common especially when managing multiple ensembles.

original copies are often expensive and required to perform a piece (legally) for profit or otherwise (though i know a few people who have bent this rule)

not all performers are good composers (i myself have very little formal music theory training), but many composers have performance histories.

not all musicians can sing.

perfect pitch is both a blessing and a curse. notes can be slightly lower/higher but in tune with the context of the piece, which drives people with perfect pitch insane.

having perfect pitch does not guarantee someone will be a prodigy, and people don't need perfect pitch to be a talented musician.

drama in ensembles does exist, but it rarely gets in the way of rehearsal. same thing goes for good friends: if your characters have even a shred of common sense, they aren't going to be talking/messing around during rehearsal.

instruments (especially good ones) are extremely expensive. people very rarely store instruments on the wall or other displays for fear of falling.

instruments are very picky and require tuning every time. every time! it doesn't take long anyway. temperature and humidity can and will make instruments go out of tune or damage your instrument if not properly stored.

some people listen exclusively to classical music, but in my experience, that's definitely not the majority

like with anything, most musicians struggle with self doubt at one point or another.

musician culture

getting excited when we hear a piece we recognize

getting frustrated because we can't remember the name of the piece (after all, no lyrics to search)

being horrified when a non-musician actor is playing a musician. yes, we notice. yes, it's obvious.

if people are joking, it's likely to be about: violas (a quick search for "viola jokes" will tell you all you need to know) or trumpets (a reputation for being overly loud, playing and not)

putting stickers (places they toured, their orchestra, or just purely decorative) on cases is common, but not for everyone. same goes for pictures (of family, past concerts, or anything) on the inside.

scrambling for a pencil when the conductor says to mark something. pencils are a musicians best friend :D

asking (and forgetting) how to split double stops/two parts at the same time. sometimes one stand partner will play the top while the other plays the bottom, and sometimes this is split stand by stand.

this has NEVER resulted in a sexual top/bottom joke. please just. don't. also no g string jokes. it's just unrealistic.

awaiting the obligatory "it's one week before our concert, and you sound like this?!" lecture

not talking about music 100% of the time!!! they have lives outside of music (most of them, at least /j). especially to close friends, music is probably not going to be a conversation topic unless something is out of the ordinary (high stress, something funny from rehearsal, etc.)

bragging/talking about how often they practice is generally not welcomed. great, but other people don't need to hear it!

stages are hot and bright. there's no way a performer can see someone in the audience with the possible exception of the first row.

practicing

three words for you: love. hate. relationship.

slow practice (like really slow lots of people recommend half speed; good for focusing on the right notes, tone, phrasing, smooth transitions)

metronome practice (while playing, it's not annoying at all! it's helpful and requires a lot of focus; when NOT playing, it's annoying and loud because it needs to be heard over the playing)

drone practice (having a machine/website/another person play one note in the background; good for tuning and scales)

and too many more for me to detail

auditions

ensembles may have entrance auditions to determine who gets in and seating auditions to determine placement within the section.

adrenaline does not make us play better; it just makes us make mistakes. and then thinking about those mistakes causes more mistakes.

some instruments, especially those with less repertoire, have common excerpts that come up frequently (i can think of one in particular that i've played for three separate auditions this year).

stopping/starting over is not recommended ever, but if you do, it has to be 10x better. most audition judges aren't looking for perfection!! they want to see how your character can keep going after messing up.

sight reading (being given new music, having ~30 seconds to look at it, being asked to play) is never perfect. i don't care how talented your character is; if they think they nailed it, they aren't experienced enough to see all the phrasing/dynamics that they didn't incorporate. no one gets sight reading perfect!!!

perhaps most importantly, musicians are not all the same! they enjoy it for a number of different reasons and have diverse and interesting lives outside of music!!! more information about specific instrument groups under the cut :)

strings

callouses. with the exception of pianists, most string players (and especially professional ones) have callouses where they press down/pluck the strings. i also have one on my right thumb where i hold my bow. cellists and bassists might have them on their left thumb from playing higher notes in thumb position.

hickeys are also fairly common, though only some people get them. upper strings will get these by under their left jaw. cellists may have one from the wooden body resting on their sternum. some people (including hilary hahn and many many others) use a cloth for comfort and to prevent hickeys.

few people want a hickey, but it might suit a character who is constantly trying to prove themselves.

our fingers do not "glide" anywhere. you can get cuts/"string-burns" from pressing down too hard when shifting. cuts like those are the only reason someone's fingers will bleed, and it's rarer than you think.

upper strings are more prone to back/neck problems from the way they hold their instruments on one side. see also: shoulder pain.

finger cramps happen. they aren't too common, but most if not all strings have experienced at least one.

pianos require tuning every few years or else the chords will be out of tune. few pianists can tune their own instrument because of how complicated it is.

piano parts/accompaniments will have so. many. pages. a page turner may sit on the right of the pianist to turn the page.

woodwinds & brass

spit. so much spit. some instruments clean afterwards with a cloth; others have a spit valve which is as gross as it sounds.

proper embouchure, or how a musician uses the muscles in their face/lips, is tiring, and people actually get strong cheek muscles. they can also easily turn red, but it varies based on a person's facial complexion. see also: good lung capacity.

flute and piccolo are not dainty. piccolo requires as much air as a tuba. an old teacher of mine almost passed out playing piccolo when she was in college.

flutes and piccolos are high, but often not shrill depending on the level of the ensemble.

reeds last a few weeks (less if your character plays for hours a day) and can be expensive to buy.

keys and valves can get sticky especially on older instruments which can result in the wrong note or bad tone.

saxes, clarinets, flutes are more likely to "honk" on low notes.

oboes are more likely to feel "wispy" on high notes.

articulation comes from the tongue, especially for brass instruments, and conductors may ask for "tah" "pah" or "wah" sounds depending on the style of the piece.

percussion

callouses from the friction between hands and sticks/mallets.

there are so many types of sticks and mallets!!! make sure to take a look at what materials are good for what instruments/sounds.

cymbals, triangle, and bass drum are not easy to play, even though they look simple.

percussionists with the exception of timpani may play more than one instrument during a piece, and they're constantly moving around in the back during their rests.

percussion instruments are too expensive for most people to have everything they ever play. practice pads are very common in place of these instruments.

ability to play one instrument doesn't translate to different instruments. for example, many percussionists don't have experience playing set/drum set.

some of the things detailed here are heavily glossed over, so if you have any questions, i'd always be happy to talk about it with you; i may not have answers, but i will try to help as best i can!!!

since you read this far, have my favorite viola joke.

what's the difference between a violist and a large pizza?

a large pizza can feed a family of four :)

tagging some people who showed interest: @writing-is-a-martial-art @ashen-crest @kg-willie @owilder

[notbecauseofvictories]

As someone who's just finished studying (congrats on the bar exam btw !) Do you have any advice for someone starting university in less than a month?

Congrats on the gig! I hope you have a great year and (one to three) more after it.

Firstly, do not be afraid! Mostly because literally everyone is afraid with you I promise. I didn’t even come out of my room for the first couple weeks (months) of college because I was struggling with the shellshock of this new world. Take deep breaths. It will get easier.

Secondly, I’ll try to give you all the advice I can think of off the top of my head, so stick with me:

Unlike a lot of these lists, I’m not going to try and tell you how you should sleep/exercise/eat right/etc. You’re going to find your own balance for those things, based on your own needs. If that means pulling lots of all-nighters and eating salads, that’s fine, you do you.

(Do shower frequently, though. There’s nothing worse than having to sit next to the gross smelly kid for a full period.)

I do want to put in a word for….being careful. You will be allowed a freedom at university that you’ve probably never had before. Freedom to make great choices you’ll remember forever and bad ones you will….also remember forever; I promise you will learn from both. But I do know people who went .a little bit crazy in their newfound freedom, and struggled with getting back to themselves, and striking a balance between that superego and id.

It’ll all be a learning experience. Trust your body and your heart, and be safe—whether that means moderating your coffee intake, your blood-alcohol level, or how much fried food you eat on a daily basis.

DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Do you homework do you homework DO IT, don’t wait until the last minute don’t leave it until later just do it. 

If you’re having trouble, there are tutors, older students, TAs and professors who want to help. Take advantage of this wealthy of very smart people.

If it’s more than just struggling with the material—if you’re struggling with anxiety, or that grey funk of depression—it might be time to seek out other kinds of professional help.

General tips on how to study are here, how to write an essay here.

Also, related, please go to office hours. All professors have office hours, which is a time set aside specifically for you to go to their office and ask them whatever questions you want. They set those up deliberately for you you get to know them and understand what they’re teaching.

…though do go with actual questions. Just like in real life, you can’t show up in someone’s office and be all “LET’S BE BESTIES.”

See whether your department has a lecture series or weekly teas or something. You’ll probably be one of the only freshmen there, but they’re a great way to get to know your faculty and grad students.

But also be aware that some professors just…aren’t going to respond. Professors are people too, with bad moods and prickly personalities and lives and careers they have to look after. It’s okay—if you were curious and they were professional, that’s a win right there.

Be aware that YOU CANNOT DO ALL THE THINGS. You can’t, I’m sorry. You’re one person, with only twenty-four hours in a day (less, if you plan to sleep, and definitely sleep) a full courseload and maybe a job, and so doing all the things is impossible.

Yes, even if all of them sound awesome. I’m telling you, don’t burn out after your freshman year—this is an endurance race not a sprint.

Things have different levels of commitment! Some clubs are like a job and require a lot of time/energy, others have monthly meetings you can just stroll into, no work necessary. Figuring out what you can handle and which organizations cater to that is the healthiest way to go about joining things.

Go after leadership positions, if you can. I’ve found they’re way more rewarding and lead to a deeper investment in an organization. Plus looks better on a resume.

………….you can drop out of things too! I had so many friends who stuck with clubs they didn’t enjoy out of a misplaced sense of duty. Don’t do that, you’ve only got time right now for things you like. Give the group a notice that you’re withdrawing and do what you want.

Definitely do fun things sometimes. Go out to restaurants, sit in someone’s room watching movies for half the night, bike ride through a park, attend a festival, a lecture, whatever floats your boat.

Half the amazing experiences in your life will be total accidents

My advice on how to make friends when you’re new to a place is here (spoiler: it’s doing things.)

No matter how much fun you have, however busy you keep yourself, there’s a pretty good chance that at some point, you are going to be sitting alone in your room, ugly crying because you are lonely/stressed/heartbroken. I want to assure you that this? totally normal. University can get rough. Talk to someone who loves you and watch some netflix. 

You’re going to be okay.

I promise.

You’ll be great.

[deepintoforestwego]

Pros and cons of two hearts and other peculiarities: A personal account

For @slavicafire, a urban fantasy story based on lore of  strzyga. Sorry it took so long and is so short. Hope you (and others) like it.

1# early childhood

Your father was a folklorist. Your mother was witch.

What that meant was, that when you were born, with two sets of teeth (one, to be fair, smaller then other) and monitor picking up two heartbeats, they almost immediately knew what was up.

Which also meant your mother got in trouble for casting several rather harsh illusion and memory altering spells. Which are complicated and iffy on their own, and much less when witch in question is only half conscious and just went through labor. Your grandparents are still giving her earful about that.

Point is, anyway, that sometimes children like you were abandoned. it is rarer in  this new, smarter, thankfully less superstitious age (though some, as always, would argue it is worse), but in centuries before such children, or those suspected for no good, true reason, were abandoned in woods, or at best, chased away after certain age when community couldn’t stand them.

Your parents, however, were reasonable, caring and good people who wouldn’t allow such tiny thing to get in way of loving and appreciating their daughter(s). They didn’t call attention to your strange behaviors, or try to forget them-loving whole of you.

Even if it made feeding time very awkward.

2# Being wonder child

Most kids like you do not actually display any abilities before certain age, or in case of accident, which of course requires you to lose one half of your being. Thankfully, you didn’t have to go through that traumatic experience, as well as devastating mental consequences it contained when one half of your mind/life/best friend forever is lost.

However, training and keeping those powers secret, when you live in a village (which, whether because such is nature of small communities, or because your people are like that, means deaf grandma of your mom’s hated neighbor knows what you ate for breakfast) was rather hard and embarrassing.

But you learn on mistakes. And at least your dad’s best friend’s annoying cousin never comes over again. It was worth lecture and denied chocolate.

3# Smelling blood

A fantastic nose capable of smelling, discerning and categorizing blood. Useful for detecting sickness, knowing which blood group you need when making transfusion (other nurses turn blind eye to that) and discerning whether meal is fresh.

It is also not good pick-up line, small talk and way to greet grandma.

4# Shapeshifting

Do you know what wonder it is, to have your whole body just-change and become something else? For mass to shrink and cells to rearrange, in direct defiance to laws of nature, for you to become animal but still think like human, to rise and soar through air, wind and moonlight caressing your feathers.

Plus owl are amazing. Even if it hurts at first to transform in one.

5# Detecting life

This is how a strzyga hunts:her soul senses and feels life around her sensing it’s different shades and forms. Life of doe and rose tastes very differently for example.

And even dead carry feelings of it, shadows and memories. To taste death is to taste cold ash upon tongue, and murky, freezing river traveling through your bowels, a sound of laments echoing through your head.

But it can be so damaging, so painful, to sense it all. You need to learn to numb it, make it weaker, ignore it, even as you earn to taste it all. Some strzygas, old and powerful enough, can even feel microbes, which is why they generally go mad.

6# Two minds

Having another person up there with you is an amazing, wonderful feeling.You are never alone, and it feels like having best friend who always understands, a sister you never truly had. Plus, it is extremely helpful when you are at university and swamped with work.

Downsides:appearing to forget some appointment because your other half didn’t remember to tell you what they promised, conflicting crushes, fashion tastes (gothic for human, pastel and cute for demon) and some contrasting lifestyle choices ( we do not talk about week your human half decided to go vegan).

Anyway, you invest in lot of stick-it notes.

7# Trance

That is how you decided to call feeling your other side feels enters when it isn’t in control. A half dream, blind and deaf, yet getting emotions and hearing thoughts of dominant half, and whispering advices like some crazy, unstoppable conscience that also happen to have no idea what it is doing.

8# Meeting your girlfriend

You are floored and confused and completely non responsive (general state of strzyga, who, as strzygons are rather rare, are in your experience mostly feeling preference for other woman).

she is beautiful, but that hits you last, and her AB positive blood group comes close to it. What hits you first is sense of her life, of power within her. Energy within her swirls and twists, coils like a snake around you, with force of tempest about to unleash it’s fury, like thousand spring flowers waiting to bloom.

‘‘Are you okay?’‘ She asks, and syringe meant to take her blood for her blood test misses and hits you in forearm.

9# First date

It is an awkward, busy mess both of times. Two souls inside of you both scream and panic, while she seems so relaxed and confident (you will learn, later, that you two together were both more collected then she was). Fact that she is witch and actually remembers each of your names, favorite foods and music tastes just adds to it.

You make awkward joke she rolls over on floor, makes waiter blush and old people look funny at you thrice, break two dishes and spill wine twice. In your defense she overshares five times,and once accidentally makes lightbulb break.

You find common taste in tv shows, get in discussion which animals best (hedgehog, toad for two of you, snake for her) and dance on cobblestones in rain.

10# Family dinner

Your parents already accepted you. It is however quite wonder when you are invited for Easter to spend time with hers.

Anxiety fills you up, when you see her hundred and counting rich cousins, meet her awesome mothers, both accomplished sorceresses ( genetic scientist and mechanic also), her spinster singer and model aunt (who has no makeup, yet looks exactly as she does on photos, too many illusions and glamour magics) and actually get involved in fight about her fourth aunt not coming over despite not knowing how it happened.

There is same power in them all, but different from hers, a great weight of life and energy that struggles as if their bodies are to small for it, tasting of hundred different species, hundred different demons, their energies sluggish and thick and bitter and hurting you from intensity, even as she squeezes your arm and asks if you need to go outside.

Her smirk when you insult her loud, angry uncle by showing him both of your teeth sets is worth it all though.

11# Lifetime

‘‘Are you sure it will work?’‘ You ask, for now there are both of you, brought by her magic, her will, awake at same time.

‘‘Of course my dears. One of you is already undead, it will be no trouble to make others so.’‘ She says with quick kiss, magic sparkling like electrical charge at lips.

‘‘But how will it work is completely other question.’‘ Voice calls out from behind, dark and low, and you almost jump, because for first time in your life you feel nothing at all.

You turn, and from shadows steps a woman, tiny and upper end of middle ages, dressed in modest , elegant skirt and button up shirt, eyes obscured by netlike veil hanging off small cute hat covering her bun.

You close your eyes, breathe deep and sharp, and take step back. This woman is blind spot in your otherworldly vision, a presence you cannot find and identify, world silent and empty around her, as if she was never alive at all.

‘‘Auntie, please don’t lecture me.’‘ Your love groans, and you wonder if she knows how her aunt ( madwoman witch monster demon dirty blood teen pregnancy bastard stain upon family unfortunate choice widow foreigner not ours criminal you remember, remember what they told about her) does that, how can she wrap herself behind so much magic you cannot even feel she exists and not choke on it, and wonder if your love will learn that someday too.

‘‘I will if I have reason to. Binding human to demon side is easy. Making yourself live on after what you were afforded isn’t. It requires blood.’‘ She says, and in step crosses over, like winter wind.Your love looks down on her.

‘‘I know. I know the price, and for her- for our sake, I will pay it.’‘ Her power blazes, a bonfire and storm and earthquake, and you delight in it, in her strength and magic and stubborness.

‘‘Of course you will. It is love, after all.’‘  Her aunt moves lace covered hand and puts on her cheek.

‘‘When you do ritual-be sure that sacrifice is somebody deserving. The Cold Lady’s ire will be earned either way, but by this it will be appeased for some time, instead of invoking Her wrath. Be smart.’‘ She says, and in tradition of all aunts across Balkan, shoves money in your love’s palm, and spends next fifteen minutes arguing whether it is appropriate gift (your love snatches it away finally, acceptable loss).

‘‘As for you... Love her well, and that will be good enough. Otherwise...’‘ And before disappearing in shadows she smiles, and you are sure her teeth are sharp and white, kind that can feast upon bones.

‘‘And that trouble is gone too...Now let us get on track, shall we?’‘ She asks, before you start playing with her hair.

12# Lifegoals

So, what should strzyga, her artificial vampire sister/other half and their quasi-immortal witch girlfriend do with rest of their long lives.

Well, love, explore, do whatever they want, and curse those that get in way of it, of course.

[ficdirectory]

The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 5x02 “Exterminate Her”

We’re back for more of our thoughts on this week’s Fosters.  As usual, check out @tarajean621‘s thoughts on Jesus and brain injury representation in italics below:

You Know What Could Have Happened, Callie?/Honey, She Was Terrified:  I can totally understand Callie wanting to focus on the good side of things.  I’m sure she is keenly aware of just how badly things could have gone.  And Stef being short with her and Lena taking the time to explain how scared Stef was rings so true to Real Stuff Parents Do.

This Is Nothing to Celebrate!/Surprise!  And, naturally, all the charges are dropped.  But how awkward is this surprise party led by Robert?  Especially Mariana leading her brothers in a rousing chant of “hip hip hooray” because “our sister’s a hero!”  So cute, though.

How Long Are You Gonna Stop Speaking to Your Brother?/How Long Are You Gonna Stop Speaking to Mariana?  I missed this part somehow when it first aired.  

How’s The Treehouse Going?  Has She Taken Over Yet?/No, She Just Found Us a Tree:  Wow, everyone’s crabby today, aren’t they?  Settle down, Emma.  Only a few more days and you can be really far away from Mariana.  (And Jesus.  I wonder how that will go?)

Hey, Can I Talk to You for a Second?/Uh, Yeah, Sure:  I hate that everyone is now actively fearing Jesus.  It’s especially disheartening seeing Mariana react out of fear here.  And the camera stays with Brandon as he jumps and then leaves the table. I’d love for the assumption that Jesus now resides at Intimidation Station to not be a thing.

I have been looking for statistics on how likely it is that people with TBIs assault their caregivers, since this seems to be the slant the writers are taking with 5A.  I could not come up with one link.  

I did, however, find pages of links (over 3 million results) about disabled abuse and victimization.  

One source says that disabled people are 4-10 times more likely to be victims of violence, abuse or neglect than nondisabled people.  It goes on to share why people living with TBIs are likely to encounter victimization - the list includes the use of undue force (which I covered last week when Gabe restrained Jesus), caregivers misperceptions about TBI leading to abuse or not believing us when we report abuse, or having to endure abuse “in return for” help with tasks of daily living.

Definitely.  In just existing as a disabled person and talking to others who are, I can say that everybody I know who is disabled, has, at some point, been abused.  (Usually, this is by a caregiver.)  Another source I found on the maltreatment of children with disabilities states that:

“Children with disabilities may have increased vulnerability to abuse because...[they] may be perceived as less valuable than other children. Their reports may not be considered trustworthy. Discipline may be more punitive and accompanied by a lack of respect.”

So, I’ve Been Thinking and I Wanna Do My Senior Project By Myself/Well, You Can’t:  Um.  Wow, Mariana.  Maybe you should have been honest with Jesus from the start about this.

Yes, this might have been a more timely conversation weeks ago.  Although, it was really up to Moms and Drew to deliver this news to Jesus, so Mariana is not the only one to blame here.

I’m Gonna Talk to Drew Myself and See What He Says:  You pretty much have to, Jesus.  It’s the only way you’re guaranteed the truth.  

But wait, if Jesus speaks to Drew all on his own, who will Drew look to if there is not a suitable nondisabled person present? <-- Sarcasm

Was This Emma’s Idea?/No.  I Just Need to Prove That I Can Do Something on My Own:  Of course, Jesus would feel strongly about this.  His family doesn’t respect him as he is.  It makes sense for him to feel like he has to prove his capability to get them to take him seriously.  Nothing else is working.

Our society views productivity as the be-all and end-all.  You go to school to produce meaningful work so that you can graduate and get a job, thus becoming a contributing member of society.  You are useful and worthy then.  Jesus feels like he needs to produce a meaningful senior project without help to be seen as useful and worthy again.  And it doesn’t hurt that it might earn him points with Emma to distance himself from Mariana.

I Just Wanna Help/I Don’t Need Your Help/Well, We Do/So You Want Me To Go Live with Robert?  Honestly, though, what else is Callie supposed to think?  Moms are pretty much saying she is too much for them and they need backup to handle her.  

Callie, We Love You But There is Only So Much That We Can Do For You:   I guarantee you the only part of Lena’s sentence that Callie heard was “We love you, but...” which feels exactly like, “We don’t love you,” or “We used to love you, but don’t anymore.”  (Please think about what you’re saying Moms, these words will stick.)  

You Need to Decide Who You Want to Be Going Forward, Because This Girl is Not Acceptable:  OMG talk about a back-to-back gut-punch!  Jeez...  What is Callie supposed to do with a statement like this?  She is who she is.  She can’t change who she is.  She has had a ton of stuff happen to her before she ever came to Stef and Lena.  That all impacts who she is and her decision making process.   

This morning I read an article called 3 Reasons Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work With Kids From Trauma.  Callie has lived months as an adopted child, as opposed to 7 years in foster care.  She is in survival mode all the time, and completely shut down during Moms’ and Robert’s lecture.

I’ve heard similar remarks as an adoptee myself and that is exactly how they resonate.  Moms’ words must feel like such a rejection.

After This Last Thing With Callie, I Just Don’t Know What To Do/I Know That Was So Awful For You.  I’m So Sorry.  How Can I Help?  What Can I Do?  This is probably a bit of a raw wound for me personally, because Stef absolutely needs and deserves comfort.  But it feels so jarring to see this scene after the previous two with Moms and Callie.

Lena excused Stef’s anger at Callie in the car when Stef talked about how Callie could have been beaten or raped (she has experienced both in foster care, Stef.)  Then the lecture.  But we just don’t see that level of love and support for Callie herself.  Nobody is asking Callie “How can I help?”  or “What can I do?”

I Need You to Say You Can’t Help Unless It’s Both Our Projects, Because You Can’t Choose Sides: Mariana, I get that you are always at least 25 billion steps ahead, seeing every possible bad eventuality but you need to try to reign in this impulse to manipulate the adults in your world.  Maybe talk about that in therapy?  (But speaking of Kids Who Came From Trauma...pretty textbook behavior.)

(On the positive side, give Brandon Quinn all the points for the physical comedy of trying to put those jeans on!  So funny!)

He’s Lucky I Didn’t Suspend Him/And You’re Lucky I Don’t Sue You.  And The School:  Yes, Lena!  (Also how gross is that pro-privatization piece in the ABCC school paper?)

Portfolio?/Your Body of Work:  I find it hard to believe that Callie would have zero idea of what a portfolio is, but maybe she doesn’t hang around a lot of art students?

Mariana Just Told Me That This Treehouse Project is Approved for Her and Not Jesus Because He Might Not Be a Senior Next Year?  It was news to me, too, Gabe!  I’ve literally been thinking (for months) that Mariana went in to support Jesus for his senior project.  That it was his meeting.  And that when it was not approved for him that was the end of it, but Mariana couldn’t let it go, so she lied and said it had to be both of their projects.

But Jesus Has No Idea, Right?/We Don’t Want to Frighten Him with All the What-Ifs/Keeping Things From Him Blew Up in a Pretty Big Way:  I mean, Gabe’s not wrong...

Dean Bayfield:  Well, hello, new neighbor.  Looks like Stef’s a little tongue-tied around you...

When Do They Send the Paper to the Printer?/They Already Did/What If It Caught an Error and Sent a New File?  Mariana Adams Foster...put that big, beautiful brain of yours to good use and be careful.  (I’m so proud!  But I’m so conflicted about being proud!)

Pick Up Your Senior Project/Toss It:  This Girl Is Not Acceptable.

The Art Professor...is Gonna Let Me Audit Her Class and Help Me Put Together My Portfolio/That’s Amazing:  This Mama Sandwich for Callie is so bittersweet because she looks so relieved that they still love her.  

Do Think I’d Be Better at Scooping Ice Cream or Flipping Burgers?/That Depends.  You’d Be So Bad at Both:  OMG Callie!  Hahahaha!

Maybe This Could Be My Still Life.  I’m Salty, Right?  Why would she want to find an object that defines her if the girl she is is not acceptable?  No wonder she is struggling so hard with this.

I Used to Blow Dry My Hair Straight, Too, Mariana.  It’s Called Time-Management:  These are the moments that I love.  Because Mariana’s hair is not a lost issue, and Lena remains supportive about it, giving Mariana advice from her own experience.

We Have 5 Teenagers/Oh God Bless You!  We Just Have the One:  Hahaha!  I love Theresa!

A Good Basic Case With All the Essentials:  Can’t go to art school without supplies!  

The Article Doesn’t Appear to Quote You or Anyone on the Administration.  It’s Just One Kid’s Opinion, Right?  OMG Lena, I love you!  Also, check out the screencap Tara got of the article in the Sea Breeze!  Love that it cites IDEA and points out what this article says, in part, which is “ If the private...school does not accept any federal funding, then the school is not required to provide accommodations” to students with disabilities.

What Did You Bring to Sketch?/I Think I’m Just Gonna Sketch My New Art Set:  Because nothing says Callie like an art set you got 10 minutes ago... :(

Grace!  Are You Okay?  Are You Hurt?  Why Are You Handcuffed to the Bed?!  Brandon, your reaction to Grace here was, hands down, my favorite part of the episode.  You give me hope for humanity in this moment.

Otherwise, Why Would You Be Here?  I also love Ximena!  There is such a shortage of positive female friendships depicted on TV that I would love to see Callie and Ximena develop one.  But it looks like Ximena’s complimentary question to Callie isn’t sitting quite right...

It’s For This Foster Family That Has, Like 12 Kids.  Some of Them Are Special Needs:  First of all, it seems illegal that one family would have 12 foster kids at once?  And secondly?  Pretty much no one in the disability community likes the term ‘special needs.’  

Since I Got This TBI, People Treat Me Like I’M Special Needs:  So revealing there, Jesus.  I always say, the hardest part about being disabled isn’t the disability, it’s the way we’re treated as inferior.  I imagine that dealing with a sudden disability as Jesus is, that feeling is even stronger.  (And I can’t shake the feeling that the ‘people’ Jesus is referring to is his family.  And honestly, nobody should be treated like they’re less when they’re disabled, especially by family.  It’s bad enough to experience it in general society.)

Having a brain injury is not a bad thing, but it does take some adjustment.  The way Jesus says, “People treat me like I am special needs” is revealing, as Tonia pointed out.  People treat him like a pile of unreasonable demands - like a list of symptoms - instead of as a human being who has a brain injury.

Talk to Your Moms/All They Do is Lie to Me and Keep Secrets.  They Aren’t Going to Tell Me.  So, What Is It? I can’t say I wouldn’t be making the same call Gabe ends up making here...and so far, Gabe is one person whose ableism is at a minimum, and Jesus feels that.  He feels respected by Gabe.  His experience with Moms post-TBI has been that they treat him as less now.  They have lied to him and he doesn’t need anymore of that.  He’s out of the woods, healthwise, he doesn’t need to be ‘protected’ in this manner.

No Longer Funding Any Junior Student’s Senior Projects: Of course you aren’t, Drew...

Did You Talk to My Father?  Robert Quinn?  Oh Lordy, this isn’t gonna end well, is it?  How humiliating for Callie.  Like she needs Robert calling in favors for her to get to audit art school class...

I’m Not Gonna Be a Senior Next Year?/We Don’t Know That, Jesus:  Now Jesus knows, and Stef still won’t give him a straight answer?  Really?  At least tell him what you DO know...

Also, inquiring minds would like to know what IS happening with regard to Jesus and school?  Stef and Lena are both back at work and Jesus is home all day, talking to Gabe as he builds the treehouse.  Lena’s an educator.  School is always on this family’s radar.  Even if Jesus isn’t ready for full days, I’d think a teacher coming to the house for a bit wouldn’t be out of the question.  But school hasn’t even been mentioned by Moms except to say that Jesus is missing a lot, and taking Drew of all people as the expert on post-brain-injury reentry to school.

Jesus, I Need You To Calm Down/No, I Am Not Going To Calm Down/Then You Can Go To Your Room Until You Are Willing To Listen To Me. Now:  

In my opinion, Jesus is not out of bounds or out of control here.  He has a right to be upset, but Stef sends him away.  (Instead of sending Gabe and/or Mariana away so she can have a private conversation with Jesus.)  She tells him to leave until he is willing to listen to her - but Stef is in no way willing to be around his feelings in this moment.

Too often, disabled people are expected to “be nice” in the face of ableism.  And let’s be clear, not telling Jesus about what is going on with his schooling is ableism.  Dismissing Jesus’s current upset?  Also ableism.  

If any of the other kids found out Moms withheld information for weeks about them possibly not being promoted a grade, upset would be an expected reaction.  In Jesus’s case, it is not justified in Mom’s eyes.

I’m Not Going Up There With Him!  Did You See What He Did to Brandon’s Room?  What If He Takes a Baseball Bat to My Head?  Kids learn ableism from their parents...and Stef doesn’t refute Mariana here...  So harmful.  (And also - if Mariana isn’t comfortable going upstairs, the least Stef could do is tell her to go to the living room or something.  Anything so she is not right there when Stef tells Gabe that if he can’t respect Stef and Lena’s authority as the twins’ parents, he’ll have to leave.  Awkward.  And not a conversation for one of the kids to overhear.)

Is This a Bad Time?/Jesus is Up in His Room and I’m Sure He Would Love to See You Right About Now:  Um...  If Jesus is supposed to be being punished or taking a break or whatever, why would you send Emma up there?  (But I have a pretty good idea why.  Disability as a Plot Device, anyone?  Because up until now, Emma was the only person who wasn’t fearful of Jesus.  The choice to send her up there just to witness Jesus throwing things is a conscious choice to continue his ostracization and isolation.  To make sure he has no one to turn to or lean on.  

Notice how this “outburst” comes immediately after being dismissed.  

Also, here is another example of how traditional parenting does not work on kids with traumatic backgrounds.  And a Traumatic Brain Injury is yet another trauma for Jesus to juggle, in addition to his unstable infancy and childhood (until age 8).  Sending Jesus to his room just drives home the fact that he, like Callie, is seen as unacceptable now.   

I Wish I Had Somewhere to Unleash My Beast/You Do.  Your Art:  Jesus, do you hear this?  You and Callie could totally channel all your feelings into art.  That’s what it’s there for, and you’re both good at it.  (I’d actually really like to see this!)

How Did Your Job Interview Go?/I Was Late So I Probably Didn’t Make a Great First Impression:  Yeah, like when your girlfriend calls you with fake emergencies when she KNOWS you have a job interview soon...

Pretty Sure She Was Trying to Have Sex With You/Oh, My God:  I loved this!  Rang so true to me that the adopted kid would totally get what Grace was trying to do with Brandon while Brandon remained innocently oblivious...

I Wanna Try to Be a Senior Next Year, Even If That Means I Have to Go to Summer School/Honey, That’s Really Great to Hear, But Your Senior Project Will Have to Wait Until Then:  Okay but Jesus literally did not say anything about his senior project.  He’s talking about his education right now.  Why does no one take him seriously?  (Oh wait, I know...)

“That’s really great to hear.” What does that even mean?  “That’s really great to hear that you still desire and value an education even though you have a brain injury?” 

It sounds as if that was Lena’s way of possibly skirting the education conversation.   

Because I Got Mad?  Are You Punishing Me?  Of course, it feels like a punishment.

Drew’s Not Funding Any Senior Projects by Juniors/You’re Lying:  Moms, remember Stef’s brilliant take on ‘trust has to be earned?’  I feel like it’s time to work on starting to earn Jesus’s.  Because right now, he can’t trust anything you say, and why should he? 

Also, I’m pretty sure Monte said last episode that Drew isn’t the principal because she hasn’t yet resigned.  So...why is the vote invalid but his word about Jesus’s senior project like signed, sealed and notarized by a judge?)

I Could Probably Get Jesus’s Uncle to Donate/Birth Uncle: This is interesting, because we watched this episode with a friend who adopted her daughter.  And she specifically commented on this scene.  Said she never corrects her daughter when she wonders about her birth mother.  And she felt it was out of place for Moms to correct Gabe here.

I Do Wanna Keep My Senior Project/We Took It to the Dumpster Already:  Ouch, Callie :(

I Didn’t Give Her Any Money, I Just Asked Her to Give You a Chance, But Only If She Believes in You, Which, Obviously, She Does/You Don’t:  Bam.  It’s truth time, by Callie.  And that really is what Robert’s actions communicated.  Instead of helping with her or giving her advice on what to do next, he went behind her back and appealed to the teacher’s pity, and that never feels good.

I Know You All Think That I’m Unacceptable/That’s Not What We Meant/It’s What You Said:  Right, Callie?  And no matter how many other times she is affirmed, those words will be inside her, challenging the love she’s shown.  It’s this thing: anger resonates as the “truest” feeling, while love feels forced.  It’s hard to explain...

When You First Met Me You Told Me I Wasn’t Disposable and I’m Really Trying to Believe That:  We keep track of every single word.

We Don’t Want You to Throw Away Your Past, We Just Want You to Stop Repeating It:  But that might not be entirely in Callie’s control.  How often do we rehash or recreate an aspect of our past in an effort to work through it, or because it feels familiar and that feels safe?  Moms want Callie to feel safe, but safe is new.  And it’s going to take some getting used to.  (Also I’m really glad Lena rescued Callie’s senior project from gettting thrown away.)

So, I’m Not Going to See You Before You Go?/I’m Sorry/I Love--:  Emma’s pulling away so hard and fast.  This sucks.

I really hope that this whole Aggression Is A Symptom storyline does not end up Teaching Jesus A Lesson.

Did Mamas Talk to You About The Treehouse?/I’m Gonna Ask Emma to Do It With Me...If That’s Okay:  Ugh, and the twins aren’t getting along still.  And at this point it seems like working with Emma on the treehouse this year or next is gonna be a bust...

Not being able to connect after an injury is a thing, and I appreciate that it is being depicted.  To add to Tonia’s comment about Emma, we don’t know what is going to happen with them.  He is trying to make things work with his girlfriend while putting Mariana in her place.  We will have to see what happens...

I Guess I Shouldn’t Have Read Fifty Shades of Grey:  Oh, Grace, what a terrible book!

I Don’t Know Where The Keys Are.  I Think They’re Over Here/Okay, I’m Coming:  Hahaha!  Don’t play with handcuffs, Brandon and Grace...or Stef will have to come unlock you...and wouldn’t that be embarrassing?

Fearless:  I love Callie showing Ximena her necklace from her mom as her object for her Still Life and I love Ximena’s reaction to it!

Tess/Oh, My God!  Stef!  So, I was in the shower, the morning after this aired, and it occurred to me.  The thing that everybody already knows about who Tess is.  But in case someone hasn’t made the connection.  I realized Tess was Stef’s high school friend who she was cuddling and got caught by Stef’s dad.  Also the reason Stef was sent by her dad to see a priest, who told her being gay was a sin (episode 1x06, I believe.)

For more: Fosters Recaps

[avidbeader]

More of the Sheith soulmates AU

Here’s the next part of the story that I posted here. Still trying to figure out a title and concrit/feedback is welcome.

Voltron fandom, Sheith story that acknowledges their age difference and will probably stay T-rated or below.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Keith was in the middle of writing his study guide for the upcoming Interstellar Navigations exam when it hit him. The sudden clash of excitement-nerves-joy-fear-hesitation-disbelief made him drop his tablet.

Shiro. It had to be the Kerberos mission. Shiro must have gotten the pilot’s position.

He took a deep breath. He could handle this. They had talked about this.

“And you’re sure you don’t have a problem with it? Being alone for fourteen months or more if I’m chosen?”

“The only problem I’ll have is if some nutjob researcher finds out we’re soulmates and tries to keep me in a lab and monitor our bond while you’re gone.”

That made Shiro pause. Previous research showed that soulmates still felt the bond between Terra and Mars, but the chance to test it as far as the edge of the solar system would be very tempting to some scientist somewhere.

“I’ll bring it up with Commander Holt. I don’t think there’s a chance in hell of you coming with us, but he might have some ideas on how to protect you.”

“I was mostly joking, Shiro. I’m not sure anyone around here remembers that we’re soulmates other than Matt.”

“True. And I’m going to wake up Matt every morning on this mission and thank him for bringing us together.”

“Sap.”

“Of course.” Shiro pulled Keith into his arms. “Seriously, this is going to be hard.”

“I know. But I’ll put my time to good use. I’m already almost halfway through the second-year requirements. What do you think about coming back from Kerberos to find that your soulmate is a junior officer at seventeen?”

“I think that’s one of the best ideas ever. But don’t kill yourself trying to get it.”

They had a plan.

<> <> <> <> <>

Keith accompanied Shiro’s parents to the reception before Shiro and the Holts would move to quarantine prior to leaving. Shiro’s mother doted on Keith, promising to stay in touch and send care packages. His father was a little standoffish and Keith began to worry that he had done something wrong.

Shiro sensed his anxiety and pulled him aside. “What’s the matter?”

“Your dad…I don’t think he likes me.”

“He does, I promise.”

“No, Shiro, he really seems uncomfortable with me. Maybe he’s just been saying he was fine with you having another guy for a soulmate and now he can’t deal with it face to face.”

Shiro put a hand to either side of Keith’s face, tilting it up. “It isn’t that, I promise you. He’s worried because of his own experience. He found his soulmate when he was twelve and she was ten.”

Keith frowned in confusion. “But, your mom said—”

“She was killed in a car accident when she was fourteen. Dad needed a lot of time and support to get through it. He met Mom at college and they hit it off. Her family never bought much into the entire soulmates concept in the first place—they were very ‘whatever will be will be’. She decided falling in love was just as good. Anyway, after I told him about us, Dad gave me a long lecture about what it felt like to lose your soulmate, getting used to that hole in your mind and heart that never really goes away. I bet he wanted to give you the same warning, but Mom put her foot down.”

Keith chuckled a little at that, having seen Shiro’s mother in action. “Thanks for telling me. I was getting worried.”

Shiro planted a quick kiss on his forehead. “You’re welcome. Come on, let’s get back to the party.”

<> <> <> <> <>

Keith was grateful that he could isolate himself in his room as the launch happened. He sat on his bed, his tablet streaming the live audio broadcast, and focused on Shiro’s presence, savoring every shift in emotion as they lifted off.

Once the ship was safely out of the atmosphere and Shiro’s triumph poured into him, Keith concentrated on sending back his pride and love.

I’ll see you in fourteen months.

<> <> <> <> <>

Shiro did indeed thank Matt daily for being the reason he and Keith came together. He tried to find a different phrase each day, resorting to multiple languages or bursting into song when he was feeling a lack of inspiration. Commander Holt found it hilarious, but would often share stories of his own soul-bonded grandparents, giving Shiro a good picture of the ups and downs of being permanently mentally linked with another person for the rest of your life.

During the voyage out, Keith was a steady presence in Shiro’s mind. His soulmate was indeed driving himself hard, working to achieve his early graduation goals. There were occasions that Shiro knew Keith had been injured, likely in physical training, and twice something happened to trigger Keith’s temper in spectacular fashion. But generally they shifted back and forth in an easy, contented existence, patiently waiting to be reunited.

<> <> <> <> <>

Commander Holt had devised an excellent compromise for Keith’s worries about being turned into someone’s lab rat. He found a scientist that was indeed eager for the chance to expand the study of distance effects on the bond. Holt then negotiated fiercely and arranged a contract dictating that in return for exclusive access to Keith during the mission she would limit her examinations to three times a week and give Keith a generous stipend out of the resulting grant money.

Keith stashed away half of the first installment in a bank account but did allow himself one large indulgence and bought himself a late-model used hoverbike. He spent many Sundays taking it out into the desert around the Garrison, learning its every quirk and coming the closest he could get to actual unsupervised flight until he finished his training.

By sheer coincidence he was in Dr. Hooper’s lab, electrodes already on his forehead, temples, and chest, when everything spiked. Hooper ran around, shutting off all the alarms, and looked at Keith frantically. “What’s going on?”

Keith’s smile threatened to split his face. “They made it! They’re on Kerberos!”

The doctor clapped her hands. “That’s wonderful! When do you think they’ll announce the success?”

“Probably in a few days. I expect Commander Holt will confirm landing, then confirm when they’ve started collecting the ice samples they’re after. The Garrison will probably announce both at once, make a bigger media splash that way.”

His grin never left his face as Hooper recorded the readings in excitement.

<> <> <> <> <>

Two nights later, Keith woke up screaming from a nightmare of a ship looming over him and his crew, of being hauled in by some irresistible force. Large figures with glowing eyes and purple skin towered over him and dragged him through a long hallway, throwing him into a small cell.

Shiro! Something’s happened to Shiro!

He rose and threw on clothes, shoving his bare feet into sneakers and grabbing his jacket, and took off for the monitoring center. His security clearance as a cadet would get him into the front lobby. Then he needed to find someone who was stationed with the Kerberos mission and warn them.

Entering the building, he saw Commander Iverson, deep in conversation with Lieutenant General Franke. They both looked up, startled, as Keith burst through the door.

The eyebrow above Iverson’s bad eye quirked up, throwing his face off balance. “Kogane? What the hell are you doing here?”

Franke focused sharply on Keith and muttered, “The soulmate?” He put the tablet in his hand to sleep and stepped forward. “What can you tell us, Kogane? All we know is we lost radio contact a few hours ago.”

“I think…I think they’ve been taken by a hostile force! Shiro’s trapped, scared…I think the Holts are alive, but I can’t be sure!”

Iverson reached out and took Keith by the shoulders. “Deep breaths, Keith. Hold your focus. It’s a good thing you can confirm that he’s still alive. Now, I need you to keep this information completely to yourself.”

“Y-yes. Yes, sir?” Keith found the request odd. He struggled to concentrate through Shiro’s and his own fear coursing through him.

“We need to sort out what to tell the press. It is vital that you do not tell anyone else what you know. Can you do that?”

Keith swallowed hard, trying to clear the lump in his throat. “Yes, sir.”

“I’ll arrange with your instructors to give you the next few days off. We’ll say it’s flu. Stick to your room as much as possible.”

“Could I…stay at Shiro’s apartment?” The possibility of being among Shiro’s things, in his bed, immediately made Keith feel calmer.

The two men looked at one another for a moment, then Iverson nodded. “Get your things. I’ll let the building supervisor know to expect you.”

<> <> <> <> <>

The guards never acknowledged his words. Every time someone would bring the tray of slop that served as food, every time one of those weird hooded figures stopped to look in, Shiro would plead for himself and his crew. But the helms and hoods hid their eyes and he had no sense at all whether they even heard him, much less understood him.

That changed after one of the hooded things reached through the bars in the door with an odd device. The alien activated it and a bright purple light swept over him from head to toe. Pain spiked in his head and receded.

The thing withdrew and Shiro heard it speak words he could understand, in an odd hissing voice. “That should take care of it. Their brains are primitive, but similar enough for the translators.” And just like that, Shiro could understand everything being said around him. It brought no comfort.

Keith’s fear for him was constant in the back of his mind. Shiro tried to keep his own emotions steady for Keith’s sake, but the best he could manage was perpetual dread over the situation and worry over the Holts.

And then, three or four days later, they came and pulled him out of his cell.

The guards ruthlessly stripped him of his spacesuit and threw a set of dark clothing at him. The bodysuit material seemed made to stretch out and fit its wearer perfectly, with the gray tunic added for warmth. The boots were made of an odd fabric that was flexible but strong, with rubber-like soles for traction.

Once he was dressed, the guards grabbed him and practically dragged him down a long corridor. Others dressed similarly were being brought as well. Shiro’s heart leaped when he recognized a shock of brown hair sticking up in all directions.

“Matt!”

The head turned to reveal Matt’s face with an ugly bruise spreading from one temple. He peered around a tall gray alien and called back, “Shiro?”

“Yes! I’m here!” One of Shiro’s guards drove a fist into his ribs.

One by one, all the prisoners were thrown into a holding area in a shuttle, then the door closed, shrouding them all in a faint purple light. Shiro immediately moved to Matt’s side as they felt the shuttle leave the ship.

“Do you know where your father is?”

Matt shook his head. “No. They kept us together for a day or so, then pulled us out and did some kind of physical exam.”

Shiro nodded, remembering the point where he had been dragged from his cell to a room and one of those purple aliens, with a white face and white stripes on its head, drew blood and poked and prodded at him for a short time.

“The day after that they came and took Dad away. One of them said Dad was too old and only fit for a camp.”

Matt’s comment made Shiro’s heart rate spike. “Too old? Too old for what?”

Another of the aliens, with majestic red horns curving from his head, spoke up. “Too old for the arena.”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Part 3

[gzw1689]

@sejinpk regarding Kara no Kyoukai

With regards to this post, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure how far I want to go down this line of thought (of analyzing the little details in the series) just yet.

I think I’ve alluded to this in my tags on other posts about Kara no Kyoukai, that it’s one of those series that I kind of have a hard time with. I feel like I should like it, and I want to like it, and I can’t really explain why. Maybe it’s because I felt (feel?) such a strong connection to Fate/Stay Night and I want to like Nasu’s other work.

But if I’m being honest with myself, I have trouble finding meaning in--or even comprehending--the story and a lot of ideas in the films. (I haven’t read the novels yet, but if I ever learn Japanese, I wonder if I might get more out of those.)

I don’t really know what is. Maybe it’s because so much of it is so visual, and I don’t think I’m that great at that kind of thing. Maybe it’s because I’m struggling with the subtitles.

But I think part of it may have to do with the manner in which it tells its story. To get a better idea, it’s kind of similar to how I feel about stuff like Serial Experiments Lain (which is one of the works I feel this way the most about, even compared to some of the stuff I’ve studied for my English degree), Ikuhara’s works, and maybe Evangelion to some extent. I think I’d describe each of those as having quite a lot going on with them, but they’re often very indirect about it.

It doesn’t really help that a lot of the more substantial writing I’ve seen on the Kara no Kyoukai films tends to focus on minuscule details and symbolism. Considering my current understanding of the films, such things mostly go over my head and mean very little to me, even in the two (or three?) times I’ve watched and rewatched the series. I’m not sure if I’m quite “there” yet with Kara no Kyoukai, if that makes sense. It kind of feels like trying to do calculus when you haven’t learned how to deal with polynomials.

(EDIT: Just want to clarify that it’s not that I don’t find the writing interesting or informative; I usually do. I just think its often at one or more levels higher than I’m prepared for, so the ideas don’t entirely stick with me after reading.)

After so many years of studying literature and thinking about this stuff, having a sense of comprehension and/or understanding while reading a work of fiction (or non-fiction) has become pretty important to me. For more “high-minded” works, for lack of a better word, there needs to be enough for me to grasp to make satisfying interpretation(s) of it.

At the same time though, I kind of had to do some work (or at least listen to lectures) to develop a greater appreciation for things like Shakespeare and Swift. Maybe works like the ones I mentioned above require some of that, but a lot of the time when I’m watching things for fun (which is generally how I feel about anime these days), I just want it to be more easily accessible. Maybe going into this area of study has made me less patient instead of more when it comes to trying to understand and appreciate works of fiction, haha.

But at the same time, I’m not so sure about that comparison. With the stuff I studied in English, I don’t think it was so much that I couldn’t comprehend those works (though admittedly, some were more difficult than others; Judith Butler or Slavoj Žižek come to mind as ones that I never really got). I think I could mostly comprehend them on a basic level, but learning things like historical and cultural context just enriched my sense of appreciation for them. In contrast, with those anime series I mentioned, I’m not even sure how I well I comprehended them. In a way, they frustrate me nearly as much as they fascinate me. (EDIT: Well, not really. But I just liked the way that sounded. :P)

All of this just made me think of the role of detail in fictional works, but maybe I’ll explore that topic later.

That said, maybe one of these days, Kara no Kyoukai will finally click with me. Until then, it feels like one of those series where I say something like, “I don’t exactly know what’s going on, but I like it.” And considering some of what I said above, I feel kind of weird about that.

(EDIT: I think what I’m trying to say is that I want to understand the series on a more fundamental level. Right now, I sort of have some puzzle pieces of meaning, but they don’t really make a full picture. Maybe a small fraction of one. Depending on how much time and dedication I want to put into it though, I think it could possibly take quite a while.)

I hope all of that made sense. Some of this stuff is kind of difficult for me to explain, so I’m not sure if I got my thoughts on this across clearly enough. So much for comprehension, haha.

[wordybee]

the words that make an origin story

Community Appreciation Week 2017 Day 1: favorite character (Troy Barnes)

also available on ao3, in case my blog isn’t fun to read on.

Troy knows that he's not the smartest. It never really bothers him, because his teacher knows that he tries and she never yells at him. He’s only six years old, his mom says, and learning will come with time. Figuring out the difference between the little letter ‘b’ and the little letter ‘d’ just requires practice. Adding and subtracting the numbers his teacher gives him might take him a few moments longer than the rest of the kids, but she’s never said anything about the way he counts on his fingers. Practice, practice, practice – that’s all he needs. The schooling environment is harder for some children, the adults say to each other when they think he isn’t listening, but everything evens out in the end and Troy will be just fine with practice.

He doesn’t know how practice will solve his confusion over why cats and dogs can’t mix and make a really cute puppy-kitten for him to play with, or how Godzilla can’t be real when Godzilla shows up on the same exact television from which Troy’s dad gets his news, and news is completely real. But practice is the answer, somehow, and when Troy learns what it is he needs to practice, he’ll be just as smart as the other kids. It will be nice, he thinks, when he doesn’t have to feel so confused anymore. When his mom will stop having to tell him, in that sympathetically encouraging voice, that kindness is more important than being smart, and it’s not even that Troy isn’t smart, but maybe he jumps to conclusions a bit too quickly and doesn’t spend enough time thinking things through. Kindness is important, though, and the rest will come with time.

Those words enter his mind and become a mantra, long before he ever figures out what a mantra even is. He repeats them to himself when he counts his fingers wrong and when he writes ‘bog’ instead of ‘dog’ and when he gets confused over why the Pledge of Allegiance makes him pledge to a Republic that’s invisible, with liberty and justice for all. For years, he repeats his mother’s words of comfort without realizing that he’s even doing it, until the idea of them becomes a truth as true as any he’s ever known.

Troy knows that children aren’t the cause of their parents’ divorce. There are a lot of television shows that use an episode or two to hammer that message home, to the point where he’s pretty sick of seeing it. Of course kids aren’t the cause of divorce. Parents practically live in alternate universes from their children, with things like electricity bills and nine-to-five jobs to deal with, so how could something as simple as having a kid lead them to break up? It’s far more likely that paying bills causes divorce, or getting the wrong kind of car, or something called Insurance Premiums that Troy doesn’t actually understand – but they do sound complicated.

Still, the fact that Troy’s name comes up often in their arguments makes him second-guess the things he learned from television.

“You’re too hard on Troy,” his mom says. They don’t know he’s listening to them in the living room from his chair at the kitchen table. If they knew he could hear them, his mom would have that sour, forced smile on her face and his dad would be stern, would probably pick up a newspaper to hide behind and refuse to say anything at all while Mom asked Troy about school and friends and the girls he liked.

“You’re too soft on him,” Troy’s dad snaps. “The boy has no common sense. He could’ve gotten hit by a car because he got distracted by a dog. He’s twelve years old and he doesn’t know that you look both ways before crossing the street?”

Oh, was that what they were fighting over? His parents hadn’t seemed too angry with him that morning, just disappointed and concerned. If anything, the angry person in that conversation had been the lady who had marched him to his front door and started lecturing his mom and dad about how she’d almost hit him with her car, and how Troy hadn’t even hesitated before running across the street, and how they should teach him better about road safety. Why weren’t they fighting with that lady, instead of with each other?

Anyway, Troy had seen the glimmer of pride in his mom’s eyes when he’d explained the dog stuck on the median, and how he’d just wanted to get it to safety.

Kindness is more important.

Then Troy’s dad says, “This world is going to eat him alive.”

The words drive themselves deep, much like the mantra his mother had given him when he was six years old and always confused. Without realizing it, Troy secures these words somewhere in the depths of his mind and they begin cycling through his thoughts, over and over and over.

Six months later, when his mom is hugging him goodbye and holding a plane ticket to North Carolina, Troy’s heart is breaking and all he can do is cling to her. There’s something inside of him that believes if he just keeps hold of her, she’ll miss her flight and she’ll never have to leave. He knows that it’s ridiculous, that she will leave regardless, but he holds her and holds her and holds her until his father is prying his arms away and she’s stepping back to lift her suitcase off the pavement.

He watches her leave through the sliding glass doors of the Denver airport and, for what it’s worth, his dad slaps an almost comforting hand on his shoulder before pulling him away, back toward the car.

Troy’s father doesn’t say anything as he drives them back to the house. He doesn’t say anything as he gets out of the car. He doesn’t say anything as he pointedly opens Troy’s passenger-side door and gestures toward the house, and he doesn’t say anything as Troy unbuckles his seatbelt and climbs out of the vehicle as slowly as possible.

It’s only when Troy is glumly staring at the front door, standing in a city that no longer contains his mother and is therefore woefully bereft of things like hugs and sympathy and understanding, that Troy’s dad speaks.

“You need to toughen up, Troy. Or this world is going to eat you alive.”

Troy knows that high school is important because television says it is. He knows that he has to plan his next four years out carefully or they’ll be hell. He knows that this is what his father meant two years ago when he’d told him that the world could eat him alive.

He tries his best not to picture a fissure in the ground full of rocky teeth when he remembers the words, because that is exactly the sort of thing that would make Dad roll his eyes at Troy and hide, silent, behind a newspaper for several hours.

Toughen up, Troy. Think things through. Stop daydreaming. They’re all his dad’s words, all things that have rooted themselves in Troy’s brain. Troy has always been dumb and thoughtless and confused, has always acted without processing and only realized afterwards why his actions had been wrong. He’s assumed things and believed things and arrived at conclusions that didn’t actually make sense, and really – that was no way to go through life, right? He tells himself that his father’s advice on strength is exactly what he needs, especially for high school.

When he sits down in his homeroom class on his first day, Troy decides that the best strategy for getting through school is the one his dad uses for getting through life: silence. Troy has no newspaper to hide behind, of course, but he can hide behind his smiles and a cultivated aloofness and an acceptance of his own dimness that the other kids in class learn to respect. He doesn’t get embarrassed when he gets things wrong – he gets comedic. He gets stubborn. He efficiently carves out a space in his high school as someone who is well-liked and popular and strong, and his dad’s words are what propel him and bolster him.

But one morning early on, as he’s heading into his freshman Algebra class, he hears the loud bang of an oversized textbook falling and the brash echo of teenage laughter and looks to see a gawky fellow classmate struggling to pick up her book without sending everything else in her arms toppling to the shiny tile floor. Troy thinks nothing of bending down to pick up the book, just smiles pleasantly as he hands it back to a chubby girl with crooked teeth and frizzy brown hair. Because several years ago, his mother had said something too, and her words stick inside his head – less prominent, perhaps – just has his father’s words do:

Kindness is more important.

Troy knows that students like him, who aren’t good with books and grades but are pretty good at memorizing sports moves and throwing things, belong on teams. It’s the safest place to be. If you’re really good, sports teams can get you extra help from teachers and private tutors, and – if you’re really, really good – safety from failing grades. They can also get you into college after high school, which can get you a good job and a good life when school is over.

He joins the football team. His dad is proud of him, but when he calls his mom in North Carolina for their weekly chat, she’s concerned until he explains the stuff about college to her. She knows just as well as he does that Troy’s grades have never been (and probably will never be) good enough to get him into a good university, and he has no skills that look particularly impressive on a resume. For the sake of her boy’s future, she tells him to try his best and to still go to church, and he doesn’t inform her that church isn’t really something his dad does anymore and, by extension, neither does Troy.

For the first time in a long time, Troy’s dad looks at him with more than vague concern over his dim, good-natured son’s future. He looks at Troy with pride, and Troy accepts that pride readily, because he deserves it. Because Troy is good at football. Being good at something, Troy finds out, is a great way to learn who you are, and Troy becomes Troy Barnes, Star Quarterback for Riverside High. It gets easier and easier for him to slide into the role of strength and popularity that stems from his father’s advice, easier and easier for him to let the words his mother had spoken fade into the back of his mind, mostly forgotten.

He passes through high school breezily, learns the school’s fight songs and earns glory and a letterman jacket and promises of a bright, gilded future. He laughs off his middling-to-poor grades because they don’t matter, and the people who get good grades are just nerds. Who cares? Troy Barnes, Star Quarterback for Riverside High, is going to be famous one day. He’s going to be rich and famous and strong, and it won’t make a difference that he isn’t so smart.

Troy ignores the suffocating feeling that grips him whenever his coach shows him off to talent scouts and brags about the trophies Troy has won for the school and how he’s going down in history as one of the best players in the game someday. He ignores the familiar vision of an earthy maw with sharp, rocky teeth chomping at Troy’s feet, because it’s a ridiculous idea and the world can’t devour someone as great as Troy Barnes.

Troy knows that his mom will be livid when she finds out he’d gotten hurt doing a keg flip, and he knows that she’ll consider the loss of his scholarship a justified punishment from God for drinking alcohol. He also knows that she can never, ever find out that he injured himself on purpose – that the thought of spending four more years crammed into the identity of the stupid, shallow jock he had created as a freshman made him either want to run and join the circus or injure himself to make the possibility impossible. In the end, he was drunk and feeling no pain and the opportunity was there for the taking. And also, he didn’t really agree with the circus’s treatment of animals.

His father is livid as well, but Dad’s anger has always been easier to deal with than Mom’s, because his anger is just more silence. Troy is used to the quiet. It sucks that he can’t really expect his father to help him get around the house, though, and he wishes his injury hadn’t been so incredibly successful. One shoulder dislocation would have been enough; two is overkill. But Troy thinks he probably deserves the inconvenience of having to feed himself with both arms in slings.

He’s sitting up late at night, surrounded by the mess one creates when one has to tear into a bag of Cheez-its with one’s teeth and a precariously-angled desk drawer, when he sees the commercial for a local community college. The school seems pretty laid back, Troy figures, and like the sort of place he could use to avoid his dad for a few hours. Also, the nerdy basketball dude’s cool thumbs-up move makes him laugh, and then wince when he tries to do it with one of his injured arms.

Troy doesn’t know what he’s doing as he signs the admissions papers for Greendale Community College. He doesn’t know what he wants to study, or if he wants to study anything at all, so when the advisor asks him questions he just smiles and shrugs his freshly-healed shoulders and lets the lady sign him up for some basic classes. She tells him that he doesn’t need any remedial courses, which Troy is weirdly proud about, even when she ends the pronouncement by adding, just barely.  His mother’s words, the mantra that he’d buried under football and popularity and strength, resurface again – kindness is more important – and just keeps smiling through his embarrassment.

It’s strange. Those words hadn’t entered his mind in years, as the daunting high-school environment made his father’s harsher advice seem more practical. But Troy doesn’t think the same words that got him through high school will work at Greendale. He’s not even sure they worked back in high school. Maybe his mother’s words will be more useful, or maybe Troy will find some different words to live by, some mantra that is unique to himself and his life from this point onward.

Troy doesn’t know if he’ll make new friends or if he’ll drop out during his first semester. He doesn’t know if his dad will let him stick around, or if he’ll have to get a job and an apartment and live on his own because the silence is too much and home doesn’t feel like home anymore. Troy doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life and he doesn’t know if he’ll need to be kind or if he’ll need to be strong, but he thinks it’ll probably have to be a mix of the two. He doesn’t know if he’ll be popular, if he’ll get a girlfriend, if he’ll have fun or get so bored that washing dishes at Denny’s will look like heaven compared to another four or so years of academia. Troy doesn’t know if he’s smart enough for college, even a community college with standards so low that the application reads You’re Already Accepted! at the bottom in Comic Sans font.

But there is a uniqueness to this place, he has to admit. Troy thinks that just maybe this is where he needs to be to find that new mantra and that new path in life, one where he can be a kind of smart instead of kind instead of smart. One where he could be strong even though he daydreams too much. He decides that it’s all right for him to just go with it for once, to stop worrying and stop pretending and stop thinking about how things are supposed to be, because he really doesn’t know. For the first time in a long time, Troy finds peace in not knowing.

[lauramalchowblog]

Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine

Hi folks, welcome back for another edition of Ask a Health Coach. Today, Erin discusses how trusting your instincts might just be your best bet during these uncertain times, how finding your ‘why’ can help you stick with long-term goals, and the one thing you need to do to change bad habits for good. Got more questions? Keep them coming in the MDA Facebook Group or down below in the comments.

“I’ve definitely felt the pressure of having more time on my hands lately. Everywhere I turn I’m hearing people say, ‘what will you do during the quarantine?’ And ‘how will you come out of this better?’ What’s your take on all of this?” – Andrea

From my perspective, there are just as many people shouting “MAKE YOURSELF BETTER!” as there are “TAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF.” Honestly, I’m team DO WHATEVER THE HECK FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU.

We all have a new normal right now, even those of us who are used to doing the work-from-home thing. Your new routine might have you feeling unproductive, fearful, or totally out of it. Or it might have you living your best life 1 enjoying extra hours of glorious sleep, a reinvigorated sense of creativity, or desire to learn.

Instantly download your copy of the Keto Reset Diet Recipe Sampler

I can’t say exactly what camp you’ll be in, because how one person responds to change isn’t the same as the next person. That’s the beauty of humans. We’re all different. And how we cope with uncertain times, new schedules, and strategizing on how to score a 4-pack of toilet paper is different too.

TP jokes aside, I’d check in with yourself to see if you’re using your situation as an excuse or an opportunity. People tend to see themselves as victims 2 or as empowered, which influences everyday behaviors, from what kind of groceries you put in your online shopping cart to how you interpret someone’s comment on Instagram.

If you’re thinking things like, “What if I can’t do it?”, “I’ll never be as good” or “Why bother?”, there’s a good chance you’re in the fear-based victim camp. Asking “What can I learn?”, “What excites me? or “How can this improve my life?” are signs you’re looking at your situation through an empowered, opportunistic lens.

See the difference?

So, if your days are spent lounging on the couch, it could be that you’re afraid of taking action. Or it could be that extra hours of relaxing with a funny movie or a good book you’ve been dying to read for 5 years is exactly what you need.

Only you know which is right. Not your online friends, your real friends, or your family on the other side of the country. You don’t need the pressure of keeping up with the overachievers or self-care advocates of the world who are unintentionally making you feel guilty for all the things you are or aren’t doing.

What you do need is self-compassion and a little clarity.

I don’t want you to look back a few years (or a few months) down the road and remember that you spent way too much time stewing over whether or not you should have taught yourself Spanish during self-isolation, tried to get washboard abs, or perfected a paleo banana bread recipe. It won’t matter. Seriously.

What will matter is the time you spent trusting yourself and not worrying about what other people think. Trust yourself and the rest will follow.

Stephen asked:

“Whenever I decide I’m ready to make changes to my diet, it never lasts more than a few weeks. Any advice for someone who chronically falls short when it comes to long-term goals?”

Let me ask you this: Do you really want to make changes to your diet? I know you say you do, but saying and believing are two entirely different things. Whenever I start working with a client, we spend significant time uncovering their ‘why’ — their real, deep-down reasons and motivations for wanting to make a change. It’s not just my approach either. Everyone from executives to athletes believes that uncovering your why 3 is one of the key elements of success.

If you haven’t done an exercise like this, I highly recommend it. My go-to method is called Why-By-Five. Basically, it’s an exercise that helps you get in touch with your true motivating factors for change. And all you have to do is ask yourself ‘Why’ five times.

· Why is this change important to you? Think about why you want to lose fat or become more metabolically flexible. What is your current situation preventing you from doing?

· Why does that matter? What would be possible if you made those changes? Would you be less hangry, less achy, or have fewer cravings?

· Why is that important? Maybe you’re sick of feeling that low blood sugar crash or getting lectured by your physician or buying pants in a bigger size. Only you know why this is important to you.

· Why would that be great to achieve? Visualize yourself reaching your goal. Imagine all the things you’d be capable of doing.

· Why? Seriously, why? Is it to prove that you can stick with something once and for all? Or reverse the clock and be a bad ass into your 70’s? There’s no wrong answer as long as it resonates with you.

  “I have lots of bad habits around sleep and hitting the snooze button. What’s your number one piece of advice relating to breaking bad habits and developing good ones?” -Eric

I would say pick ONE habit and go from there. Our society is so ‘all-or-nothing’ and frankly, it pisses me off. It’s either sleep ‘til noon followed by a Frappuccino and a fritter…or get up at the crack of dawn for a fasted 6-mile run.

Listen, you’ve probably had these habits for years. And changing them all at the same time is a recipe for disaster. (Just a side note here: some people do really well by changing everything at once, but since you’re struggling, I’m guessing you’re not one of those people. Sorry, Eric. I’m not either, if it makes you feel any better.)

Like I mentioned, instead of focusing on breaking all of your bad habits, the key here is to focus on one thing you want to change. If you’ve ever read the book, Atomic Habits, you know there’s a science to this stuff. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to go to bed earlier or trying to wake up earlier, behavior change requires a strategy. Say your goal is to stop smashing the snooze button. What’s one thing you can do to refrain from doing that?

How about putting your alarm in the next room with the volume up really loud? You’d literally have to get out of bed to shut the damn thing off!

You might also want to work with an accountability partner, which is what I’m doing right now. Truth be told, I’m a snooze button pusher too. At least I was until I decided that having an awesome relaxing morning routine (tea, journaling, reading, staring out the window serenely) was more exciting to me than lazily lounging in bed for far too long. Now my accountability partner and I text each other at 5:15 every morning to make sure we’re up.

For you, I’d see if there’s someone in your circle of friends who has the same goal as you do and partner up. That way you’ll be helping someone else break their bad habit too.

(function($) { $("#dfcACzT").load("https://www.marksdailyapple.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php?action=dfads_ajax_load_ads&groups=674&limit=1&orderby=random&order=ASC&container_id=&container_html=none&container_class=&ad_html=div&ad_class=&callback_function=&return_javascript=0&_block_id=dfcACzT" ); })( jQuery );

References

https://ift.tt/3cC3LFp,

https://ift.tt/2Z1X8Zz

https://ift.tt/2gGlIGh

The post Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine published first on https://venabeahan.tumblr.com

[jesseneufeld]

Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine

Hi folks, welcome back for another edition of Ask a Health Coach. Today, Erin discusses how trusting your instincts might just be your best bet during these uncertain times, how finding your ‘why’ can help you stick with long-term goals, and the one thing you need to do to change bad habits for good. Got more questions? Keep them coming in the MDA Facebook Group or down below in the comments.

“I’ve definitely felt the pressure of having more time on my hands lately. Everywhere I turn I’m hearing people say, ‘what will you do during the quarantine?’ And ‘how will you come out of this better?’ What’s your take on all of this?” – Andrea

From my perspective, there are just as many people shouting “MAKE YOURSELF BETTER!” as there are “TAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF.” Honestly, I’m team DO WHATEVER THE HECK FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU.

We all have a new normal right now, even those of us who are used to doing the work-from-home thing. Your new routine might have you feeling unproductive, fearful, or totally out of it. Or it might have you living your best life 1 enjoying extra hours of glorious sleep, a reinvigorated sense of creativity, or desire to learn.

Instantly download your copy of the Keto Reset Diet Recipe Sampler

I can’t say exactly what camp you’ll be in, because how one person responds to change isn’t the same as the next person. That’s the beauty of humans. We’re all different. And how we cope with uncertain times, new schedules, and strategizing on how to score a 4-pack of toilet paper is different too.

TP jokes aside, I’d check in with yourself to see if you’re using your situation as an excuse or an opportunity. People tend to see themselves as victims 2 or as empowered, which influences everyday behaviors, from what kind of groceries you put in your online shopping cart to how you interpret someone’s comment on Instagram.

If you’re thinking things like, “What if I can’t do it?”, “I’ll never be as good” or “Why bother?”, there’s a good chance you’re in the fear-based victim camp. Asking “What can I learn?”, “What excites me? or “How can this improve my life?” are signs you’re looking at your situation through an empowered, opportunistic lens.

See the difference?

So, if your days are spent lounging on the couch, it could be that you’re afraid of taking action. Or it could be that extra hours of relaxing with a funny movie or a good book you’ve been dying to read for 5 years is exactly what you need.

Only you know which is right. Not your online friends, your real friends, or your family on the other side of the country. You don’t need the pressure of keeping up with the overachievers or self-care advocates of the world who are unintentionally making you feel guilty for all the things you are or aren’t doing.

What you do need is self-compassion and a little clarity.

I don’t want you to look back a few years (or a few months) down the road and remember that you spent way too much time stewing over whether or not you should have taught yourself Spanish during self-isolation, tried to get washboard abs, or perfected a paleo banana bread recipe. It won’t matter. Seriously.

What will matter is the time you spent trusting yourself and not worrying about what other people think. Trust yourself and the rest will follow.

Stephen asked:

“Whenever I decide I’m ready to make changes to my diet, it never lasts more than a few weeks. Any advice for someone who chronically falls short when it comes to long-term goals?”

Let me ask you this: Do you really want to make changes to your diet? I know you say you do, but saying and believing are two entirely different things. Whenever I start working with a client, we spend significant time uncovering their ‘why’ — their real, deep-down reasons and motivations for wanting to make a change. It’s not just my approach either. Everyone from executives to athletes believes that uncovering your why 3 is one of the key elements of success.

If you haven’t done an exercise like this, I highly recommend it. My go-to method is called Why-By-Five. Basically, it’s an exercise that helps you get in touch with your true motivating factors for change. And all you have to do is ask yourself ‘Why’ five times.

· Why is this change important to you? Think about why you want to lose fat or become more metabolically flexible. What is your current situation preventing you from doing?

· Why does that matter? What would be possible if you made those changes? Would you be less hangry, less achy, or have fewer cravings?

· Why is that important? Maybe you’re sick of feeling that low blood sugar crash or getting lectured by your physician or buying pants in a bigger size. Only you know why this is important to you.

· Why would that be great to achieve? Visualize yourself reaching your goal. Imagine all the things you’d be capable of doing.

· Why? Seriously, why? Is it to prove that you can stick with something once and for all? Or reverse the clock and be a bad ass into your 70’s? There’s no wrong answer as long as it resonates with you.

  “I have lots of bad habits around sleep and hitting the snooze button. What’s your number one piece of advice relating to breaking bad habits and developing good ones?” -Eric

I would say pick ONE habit and go from there. Our society is so ‘all-or-nothing’ and frankly, it pisses me off. It’s either sleep ‘til noon followed by a Frappuccino and a fritter…or get up at the crack of dawn for a fasted 6-mile run.

Listen, you’ve probably had these habits for years. And changing them all at the same time is a recipe for disaster. (Just a side note here: some people do really well by changing everything at once, but since you’re struggling, I’m guessing you’re not one of those people. Sorry, Eric. I’m not either, if it makes you feel any better.)

Like I mentioned, instead of focusing on breaking all of your bad habits, the key here is to focus on one thing you want to change. If you’ve ever read the book, Atomic Habits, you know there’s a science to this stuff. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to go to bed earlier or trying to wake up earlier, behavior change requires a strategy. Say your goal is to stop smashing the snooze button. What’s one thing you can do to refrain from doing that?

How about putting your alarm in the next room with the volume up really loud? You’d literally have to get out of bed to shut the damn thing off!

You might also want to work with an accountability partner, which is what I’m doing right now. Truth be told, I’m a snooze button pusher too. At least I was until I decided that having an awesome relaxing morning routine (tea, journaling, reading, staring out the window serenely) was more exciting to me than lazily lounging in bed for far too long. Now my accountability partner and I text each other at 5:15 every morning to make sure we’re up.

For you, I’d see if there’s someone in your circle of friends who has the same goal as you do and partner up. That way you’ll be helping someone else break their bad habit too.

(function($) { $("#df77SQr").load("https://www.marksdailyapple.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php?action=dfads_ajax_load_ads&groups=674&limit=1&orderby=random&order=ASC&container_id=&container_html=none&container_class=&ad_html=div&ad_class=&callback_function=&return_javascript=0&_block_id=df77SQr" ); })( jQuery );

References

https://ift.tt/3cC3LFp,

https://ift.tt/2Z1X8Zz

https://ift.tt/2gGlIGh

The post Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

Ask a Health Coach: Setting Goals, Breaking Bad Habits, and Making the Most of the Quarantine published first on https://drugaddictionsrehab.tumblr.com/

[bethmannviscom]

Design Process - Discover, Study, Narrate. (Two Day Project)

Brief

Background

The study of material culture provides complex models on how people interact with objects.

Objects or artefacts often symbolise something more than their intrinsic nature, and this is often preserved over the years, giving future generations an appreciation and a sense of value that has evolved through time. Through personal association, objects gain subjective meaning based on the memories that we have of them but such memories are generally hidden and intangible.

Every individual that interacts with an object adds their own interpretation and meaning. The interlinking of these memories and views give the object a new identity, a “soul” almost, something that sums up the essence of an object. The object ceases to simply be a thing but becomes something of significance. Museums collect and display artefacts in order to educate and inform their visitors, and to preserve the important cultural achievements of the past and present. 

This project explores the idea that in every charity shop,

every object is a potential ‘artefact’, and that everything has significance. Charity shops are stores of rejected objects and could be viewed as the museums of the everyday life of the past, where things that have lost their former use value, now search for a new one.

We surround ourselves with objects, that are useful and have a defined purpose like kitchen utensils, but also those that have sentimental meanings such as gifts from loved ones, travel souvenirs or decorative objects such as knick-knacks and trinkets, etc.

Once these objects are removed from our lives they lose their meaning  /   memory. As they gain new owners then they gain new memories  /  meanings and homes.

Requirements

Place your object into various environments to create a narrative based around one of the following themes: 

A drama

A love story

A ghost story

You must create a sequence of 10 images; these images can be photographs or illustrations (drawing, mark-making, collage, montage, abstract typography, etc) or a mixture of both.

These images should tell the story of your object and think  about how you could use typography to help you explain your narrative. We would like to see your experimentation, trying multiple ways and methods of creating your imagery before you arrive at your final outcomes.

Task One (Day One)

Research

Once we had established ourselves into a group of three, we were then given our groups object, which for our group was a boomerang. To start off the project task one entailed of research. This allowed us to have a good base knowledge of our object and also gave us a bit more direction when it came to actually story-telling. This was a task that each member of the group had to complete individually, this allowed us to cover more research areas in the short time that we had, which benefited us when we came together as a group because everyone had some form of input that was different from someone else’s. 

I researched into both some background on the boomerang as well as some techniques used to create narrative stories. For the narrative research I studied Disney Pixar’s short film “Lava”. I found this particular animation interesting as the main character(s) remain almost stationary throughout the majority of the film. They communicated a story through sound, atmosphere, and facial expressions. All of these elements effected how you felt whilst watching the short and really made it clear what was happening. Although a boomerang is not a stationary object this research was still very useful as it greatly informed me on key story telling techniques.

The other topic of research was historical context to the boomerang. This research was incredibly useful when making our story because we were able to create a more factual and research linked final outcome. Below are my writings of some of the research I conducted for both research pathways.

Task Two (Day One)

Idea Generation

Task two was again an individual task, for this we had to devise 20 different uses for our object and then visualise the 20 we had created. I quite struggled with this particular task. After going into some depth of what the boomerang was, it’s intended uses and history, I found it hard to break away from that and visualise it as anything other than a typical boomerang. Once I realised why I had this mental block I tried to stop looking at it as a boomerang, but instead as just a curved bit of wood. Once I changed my perspective on the object I was able to complete the task imagining different uses for the boomerang such as:

A Hockey Stick

A necklace

A painting tool ( like a palette knife) 

A slide

A table leg

A chair leg

A hair clip...e.t.c...

In relation to the project I think this task’s usefulness was dependent on your object, for example some had more versatility than others. When our group came together and exchanged ideas we were concerned that if we used some of the visualisations for example the chair idea, that the focus would be taken away from our subject and instead would become a story on the chair. I think that if we had more time this step would’ve gone better as we would of had more time to experiment with visualisations and be more selective on our ideas in relation to if they could possibly become useful for story development.

Task 3 (Day One)

Prototype/iterate

At this stage in the design process our group came together and stated their findings. Based on what we had produced/researched in the previous stages we were able to brainstorm a few different possible story narratives. We aimed to each create one story narrative as this gave us a good base to work off from. Having three stories to start off with allowed us to combine elements of different stories and ultimately allowed us to experiment to the best of our abilities with the time that we had. We had to be critical about each idea and reflect on what we liked and did not like, which in turn made our final storyboard a lot more refined and thought out.

Below are a couple of our first initial story ideas.

Task Four (Day Two)

Select / Develop / Define

During task three our group had already started making progress on task 4. We were aware that we had very limited time so once we had established which story line we wanted to produced, I went home and did a more detailed story board.We had already decided that we wanted to create an illustration rather than  photography as we felt that we could not achieve the environment and circumstances that were needed for our chosen story. My story idea was chosen for the final one so I went home on day one and refined what I had envisioned and what our group agreed on to be some the rough final images. This allowed us to save more time actually creating the final product on day two. Most of our illustration was going to be quite simple however by drawing the more complicated elements this allowed us to simply import the sketch onto the computer and trace over it in Adobe Illustrator.  Another member of the group who was less confident working with the program continued with the sketches which was very helpful as it ensured we all took on a role and helped meet the deadline. 

We created the 10 images on Adobe Illustrator, because of the strict deadline we decided to go for a minimalist style, but kept it engaging by having vibrancy throughout the design. during the designing process the advice we were given from our lecturers repeatedly was to have lots of different scales and perspectives to keep the design not too repetitive. That was something we really focused on whilst still trying to keep the overall design simple and easy to understand. 

Man throws boomerang however not correctly.

As a result of it not being thrown properly the boomerang falls straight to the floor and cracks.

Man abandons the boomerang as it is broken.

It turns to night (to emphasise loneliness of being abandoned and the passing of time.)

Starts to rain to make you feel sorry for the boomerang.

Mysterious silhouette appears in the distance as the sun starts to rise.

Mysterious creature notices boomerang.

The silhouette is revealed to be a dog and gives off a threatening impression.

Dog is actually harmless and falls in love with the boomerang, giving it a whole new purpose.

Ends on dog and boomerang being happy in each others company in front of a warm fire in a comfy home.

Task Five (Day Two)

Implement / Presentation

For this task we had to take our final design, as well as our research and development and make a presentation to deliver to the class. After getting feedback from the class, our story was quite easy to understand and the overall aesthetic of the design was appealing and cohesive. However, it still felt quite repetitive between when the man throws the boomerang till the dog is introduced.

Reflection

How well did your 10 images communicate your narrative?

I feel that the over all  after recieveing feedback from our presentation I feel that the images communicate our narrative quite well. Some individual images might be quite confusing but overall the narrative is easy to understand.

Research links

Comedy/Romance basic plot- A dramatic work in which the central motif is for the protagonist to overcome adverse circumstances, resulting in success or happy conclusion.

The first boomerang was invented in poland for hunting,but the native Aborigines then adapted the shape so that it could return which started the recreational use of the boomerang.

The traditional boomerang is made from the root of the mulga or black wattle plant. If the grain of wood does not fit the boomerangs shape it will easily break on impact.

What did I gain from this workshop?

From this workshop I practiced getting back into the design process after the summer break. It has taught me that I need to be reflective throughout my work, that time management is key, and that every step of the design process should interlock and influence each other otherwise it is useless and wastes time.

What would I do differently if I was given this task again?

If I were to do this task again I would focus more on time management, we did struggle to meet the deadline despite doing work outside of class hours. This could possibly be a reflection of a poor delegation of roles, different people possibly would’ve been better at different roles which would’ve sped up the process.