#that's just gonna be my tag rant right now
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I'm trying to catch up with BSD s5 now that I have time and I'm less than 2 minutes into ep 2 and already I'm going insane and shaking someone's metaphorical shoulders because, because -
"I trusted my soul."
"Actually, I had no way of knowing if they'd believe me."
That's how a story WORKS. The story only has power over you so far as you give it power over you. And if you are a reader or the author of a story, you have that choice to break free from the narrative that's entrapping you. It's like when we get so invested in a piece of fiction and it starts taking over our lives and we have to take a step back and go, right...this is fiction. I know what reality is because I am an individual soul, not a narrative's character and plaything and this story only have power over me as much as I give it power. The characters in BSD might be the characters of the BSD narrative, but they are not the characters of the Book. They are people. Unpredictable, beautiful people that even Ranpo - who CAN predict everything that follows the pattern of a story - cannot fully predict. Because you cannot predict a person's actions or thoughts or future, you can only trust in them
#AJGSEIOARJEIOWAJEIROJWEOIRJEWIRJWEOARIJWREW#that's just gonna be my tag rant right now#anyway wish me the ability to watch for 40 minutes#i love this story#it really is for those who needs stories to live in a way#because its also telling you maybe youre more powerful than the stories you claim to need#bsd#bsd s5 spoilers#bsd season 5#spitting nonsense#bsd ranpo#bsd minoura#bsd spoilers#bsd musings#the orv codedness of it all too....
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Goncharov (1973), dir. Martin Scorsese / Volcano (Shake 'Em Up) - My Chemical Romance
#1k#goncharov#volcano shake em up#long post#yeehaw#ill be honest i was gonna go on this whole long rant in the tags about katya's character and how much she's done a disservice both by fans#and the film itself but guys. WHAT am i doing right now.#also sorry for font size inconsistency i made these on my phone i just had to get it out of my head#unreality
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THE BEST OF SHENKO 1/?
The end of the world has a way of reminding you of all the things you forgot to say do.
Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#kaidan alenko#sophie shepard#EDI#shenko#fshenko#mass effect#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#OTP: you're real enough for me#i learned i am physically incapable of creating less than like 20 gifs at a time#but shenko stonks are up right now!!#gif’ing my favorite bisexuals gives me joy 🥹#even though ME2 is dry as shit for shenko content like it’s literally the sahara desert#like a whole ass 10 minutes max of cutscenes between shep and kaidan like come on#like 2 minutes in the prologue and like 8 minutes of cutscenes on horizon#and then an email and looking at the picture in your cabin before the suicide mission#i'm so sorry y'all ME2 shenko canon is absolute shit (besides kaidan being rightfully angry on horizon) which is why we ✨ignore it✨ 🥰#but i rant about ME2 VS treatment too much so i will not write another essay about it in the tags#i will say the EDI line isn't the exact quote from the game but i think about it a lot tbf#same with the quote i borrowed from anderson too lmao (which is also a tiny bit paraphrased)#i just love EDI asking shep for relationship advice when you get to follow shep and kaidan's relationship/struggles across 3 games#and anderson's quote about all the things you forgot to do in relation kahlee to is just *chef's kiss* when you think about shenko#like whether it starts in ME1 or ME3 shenko has some really fantastic moments across the series#two characters with strong morals who realize that they're falling in love and literally start to become each other's strength??#their soft place to land?? their support when they need it?? shenko will always have my heart#also the shenko quotes you get are the most fire thing in the world#you're real enough for me?? you make me feel human?? i want to be your strength- your soft place to land?? shenko you will always be famous#I FORGOT IM GONNA FIGHT LIKE HELL FOR THE CHANCE TO HOLD YOU AGAIN TOO LIKE??#but i’ll stop ranting now bc i do that wayyy to much in my tags lol. have a good day wherever you are! <3
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okay I got feelings out of my system. I'm a changed man now.
#lack of sleep and annoying opinions on twitter is an awful terrible mix#nothing annoys me more than peoples insistance on things (right or wrong) and go online publicly to argue about it#i think fandom#i think what im trying to say is fandom in a lot of aspects just annoys me#ppls insistence on what canon is#not letting ppl just have fun and talk about hcs or whatever#not letting ppl breathe#idk like i know i say a lot of stuff on here#but no matter what i say or do i never ask or want to be the end all be all of a character or a property or smth#because yeah i know im wrong sometimes i know ive got hcs that dont match up with the intendes vision or whatver#i just like having fun#and sometimes fandom spaces make me want to blow something up#honestly I'm just gonna take a break from twt#maybe even tumblr until i can play reload#i need to go back to limiting my social media to only tumblr and stuff.#small circle. no tags. just screaming into a void#its perfect#okay rant actually over now#I'm a changed man
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anyway love to think about the fact we canonly get lunar a good eclipse brother
like the just said ‘yknow what. canon now’ without actually having to remove the good ol villain asshole eclipse we have. love it
#our eclipse sitting there calling lunar a thing and enjoing scarying him like buddy ill fight u#still sad bloodmoon and lunar content was never developed further because the way those two interacted was fun#lunar just went 'im gonna pick him up call him a baby and now hes my other brother im actively hiding eclipse from'#like... then the whole time sun and moon worry about bloodmoon lunar .... doesnt do anything#MONTY AND LUNAR DID NOT ARRANGE ALL THAT BLOOD FOR NOTHING#also bloodmoon literally has nothing against lunar??? like at all???? they never mention lunar again#AND IM LIKE??? HELLO???? what was the purpose of teaching bloodmoon magic anyway#killcode what were trying to DO?#anyway i love seeing the au where sun just keeps bloodmoon under his bed and claims its a cat he Does Not Have#(hes right but also i think its so funny.)#bloodmoon fans holding onto the hope hes alive somehow#look at him. hes so gremlin of course itd make sense he would be#sun and moon show#i ranted in the tags again but its fine
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doodle experiment #1 in an attempt to redeem myself for drawing Ray so horrendously but I'm not colouring this cuz I wanted to just get this thing outta my system as fast as possible (not fast enough though considering that... it took me hours still).
Though I'm counting this as a success anyway cuz it's my first time drawing my OCs a liiiil bit full body, I'm still not satisfied with his goddamn HAIR! WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO DIFFICULT??? IT'S SO SHORT?!??!
#aria rants#ariart#his eyes and mouth are the only ones i can easily draw. everything else makes me suffer. ray cmere im gonna shake you#also i think i figured out what kind of lines i can do that makes it easier for me (sharp lines)#so now i gotta figure out how to draw in that way where its like-- stylized for sharp lines cuz im too used to round lines#but i can draw easier with sharp lines esp once ive reached my ''fuck it we ball'' phase where i just throw out lines#all willy nilly and hope that it looks good right after and then im back at it again with the ''actually lets slow down'' phase#which just turns everything a mess again so im like: ok what do... i gotta mold this thing in a way that fits mainly sharp lines#was thinkin of addin new tag but yaknow what. ill put this in my ariart tag cuz well it is my art-- begrudgingly...
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#i have a rant but it doesn't need to be seen so its going in the tags- like i need to get it out but like it doesn't need to be 'loud' yo?#*yk?#also sidenote my emoji keyboard updated so there's probably gonna be a lot of typos#i seriously cant believe my eyes when it comes to some of the hate online#like#i just blocked a good dozen people because they were just so--- mean spirited? i mean i guess its no surprise there's trolls on the internet#but these ppl are not trolls they just genuinely have these hateful opinions. and that's fine. thats why I'm whispering in my tags because#like it really is fine they're not doing anything wrong. but i just cant bwlelievw my eyes#how can people just so profoundly misunderstand others? and then yell about it so loudly like they're the the most righteous voice?#especially on the internet. i think a lot of times we forget that we only see a tiny little window into what a person is really like.#we will never know the whole story of who someone is or what they've been through in a parasocial format. hell even in a real life format.#it just boggles my mind#i cant imagine the amour of strength it must take to be bullied your whole entire life- as a child and teen and now as an adult creator.#thats insane#and then to have people constantly demanding that you step back into the ring#as if they've never made a mistake before - as if they're anger as a stranger on the internet is some sort of divine right#i just wow#complete opposite energy of the boop button#we need more boop buttons#metaphorically and literally- we need to push more buttons that say 'i love you' that say 'i don't know who the fuck you are or what you've#been through jut i see you and i love you'#what if we all just held hands#ugh#i guess you could call this rant 'baby's first time seeing an anti tag'#ughhhhh
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#i think this is just my irritability from my meds#so i’m putting my rant down in the tags#im going to delete this later but i just needed to get this out bc i’ve seen it quite a few times now#but if i see one more fuckin person say something along the lines of ‘stop drawing the iterators/slugcats in this way because it’s boring#or wrong or doesn’t match up with MY HEADCANON’#im gonna fucking lose it. if you want to see slugcats or iterators drawn how YOU like them. why don’t YOU draw them. or YOU pay other#artists you draw them for you?#the fact that some people are so god damn entitled to fanworks that passionate people are making FOR FREE#this isn’t about any of my followers or anything and i block people who say shit like that on sight but for real.#your interpretations of characters and designs are not the end all be all. i interpret sigs shape language as pointy! a lot of the fandom#sees her as square! you know what i DONT do? make posts about how artists should stop drawing him square#you know what i DO do? draw her pointy MYSELF!#i’ll delete this later bc it really doesn’t matter and it’s NOT directed at any of my followers or moots it’s just a general thing ive seen#you do realize that most of what we have to go off of are 10 pixel tall muppets right.#going crazy stupid with designs is FUN! im beginning to think some of y’all take this shit WAY too seriously lmao#anyways.
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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feeling like a total asshole today 👍
#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night#i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know#so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD#but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying#and i felt absolutely nothing#idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel#like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just?????#that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car)#and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow#and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago#i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back#not right now#not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week#but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go#and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now#and all i can think about is that i'm anxious#i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know#i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it#bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has#but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality#why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain#like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings#i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it#i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it#i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly#so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language)#is easier than talking in spanish#and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind#but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/#i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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i suspect i come off as cringe, try-hard, over-the-top, or even fake, but i assure you i am absolutely this effusive and excitable and it's entirely genuine. i've accepted that i'm just a weird old lady who overthinks and rambles too much, oversharing my thoughts, and heaping praises on people. some might think it's excessive, but it's just who i am, and i always mean it with a good, pure, and honest heart
#having stupid excessive thoughts and just putting it out there#i won't change any minds i know if you think i'm cringe or too much then that's fine i long ago learned to accept that#but just in case anyone doubts my compliments to them i really do mean what i say#overthinking is all i do i guess and makes me too much#anyway i'm exhausted so i'm going to try to take a nap#will get back to tackling tags as soon as i'm coherent again#apologies for falling down about it but oof my brain is a mess#i love you all <3#(is it nearly 11pm? yeah. did i just say nap? yeah. welcome to insomnia hell. this is fiiiiiinnneeee#gonna flop over like my cat who is making good arguments right now#fable rants and rambles
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Girls will have one thing throw their schedule for the day off and then the rest of their afternoon ruined
#i am still at work#i would like to go home#and never come back#this was never what i wanted to do with my life anyways. i want to be an artist#i want to make art for a living but its just not viable#and so im gonna end up working this minimum wage job for the rest of my life#sorry for the tag rant im just pissed right now
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Om tag ramble
#my hate 4 solomon is festering bc of that post bc its infuriating that#every1 was so scandalized that he was doing shady shit 2 lucifer from before but bc its asmo suddenly its okay#like- he's fine as a character ig but im tired of the hypocrisy in this fandom. if you're gonna b pissed off at him dr*gging lucifer#then be angry at him taking advantage of asmo while he was drunk too. its bullshit#ik hes a fictional character and its not a real issue but come the fuck on#its also bs that suddenly theyre all scary demonic demons who are evil and need to be contained and controlled#bc one second ppl are treating them like just some guy but when they need to make excuses for why bad things happen#to the characters its all 'well they're bad people sometimes and they're strong demons so its okay to treat them like shit'#its not. absolutely fucking not okay.#suddenly they deserve to have their basic rights taken away from them bc they do bad shit sometimes.#idc if theyre not your favorite character or what species they are or if they aren't a good person 24/7 NOONE should get taken advantage of#like- im more angry about the hypocrisy than i am the actual game content now. solomon does shady shit all the time#but when its done 2 golden boy lucifer its a fucking outrage for everyone#but when its asmo hes suddenly this violent hostile murderous creature that should be chained down or tamed#its just fucking UGHHHH#im not putting this in the main tag bc im not gonna have 10 different ppl tell me im fucking stupid for being upset abt this again.#elliot rambles#rant in the tags
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I love watching Tears of the Kingdom memories out of order /sarc /lh
It took my around 100 hours to even find out the tears were a thing and wondering wtf my mom was talking about when I kept asking for help on what to do but that aside, I had seen #1 and #2 in order, tried to find Tabatha stable for a good 2 hours and then decided to go take a break and got hit with #8, WHICH WAS LIKE GETTING HIT BY A TRAIN
#1: :0 time travel wow oh wait your my old grandparents
#2: "let's go to the castle dear and get some clean clothes"
#8: SHE'S DEAD AND GANON IS IN POWER AND YOUR FUCKING WIFE IS DEAD AND ITS YOUR FAULT RAARU
Also there's 18 memories?? Damn how the fuck is it gonna sucker punch me more than that fucking 180 in story but aside from that i. I really wish it gave you a little way to back out, like it tells you the memory of what your about to watch and if you wanna do it later, I wanted to watch them in order TT AND I STILL HAVENT FOUND TABANTHA STABLE
#once i lost a carton of milk in the fridge and genuinely stood there for like an hour i was later told trying to find it. and then#my roommate walked over and handed it to me in about 4 seconds so i am not surprised i cant find the stable#im gonna go use google now#im mostly posting since i realized i should make semi regular posts on this account for my own sanity even if its not s&m related#since im not really s&m related anymore aside from the occasional art i'll change my pfp to reflect that eventually#i want to start making zelda art but i would want to put ALOT of time learning a more realistic artstyle to be happy with that#and contrasingly im struggling to learn the really cartoony style of aga so uh. shit outta luck with all of my hyperfixations rn#i might make something genuine related to undertale in the meantime? i have some aus ive held incredibly close to my heart#talk talks#hmm okay yeah i should start using fandom tags but i dont want to clutter anything what do i do here#zelda ranch dip#hell if i'll remember that but i'll put it in my searchable tags as a hail mary#would anyone be interested in my wackass theory about how i think link is a witch#i have a giant ass rant in my discord i think as well as a few rants on the fae and the such#oh shit good tag to put in her actually right before i hit post#spoilers#totk spoilers#just in case cause i got spoilered a little bit? but i have really good luck and skill with avoiding spoilers about alot of games and#the only thing i really know is that zelda turns into the dragon..i think ive been told that was wrong but i might be being juked
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every time someone draws a brown or hazel eyed character with blue eyes I should get 5 dollars
#another post from my drafts anyways past sunny is gonna rant in the tags now#take it away past sunny#IZZY. STEDE. ROSE MF TYLER. THE LIST GOES ON.#I seriously don’t know how so many ppl get characters’ eye color wrong in fanart and fanfic#the sheer hubris. the unearned confidence that they just KNOW the color by memory and not bothering to check#it’s just a silly pet peeve but it confuses me SO much like I always check that shit whaaaat are you doing#sorry I’ve literally already ranted ab this exact thing 20 times but shshjshb#brown eyed ppl deserve rights please let us live
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