#thats a recreation of what i said anyway i didnt really think anything of it at the time

[detectivehole]

this is what i sent

this is what i got

[l-a-l-o-u]

I'm so glad you liked Luca! I've been watching some reviews and they all called Luca "something not on Pixar's style" and "not deep" and whatever and I'm like??? Did we watch the same movie? Luca is something fresh and different, and you really feel in an Italian town (or at least I did >>) and aaaaa. Sorry for rambling, Luca is just *chef kiss*

i have SO many things to say about this film!!! to me, it felt like one of pixar's best recent films. i say this because of three things: the stylization/designs, the setting, and the main characters' relationships. and it can all be described in one word: SIMPLE.

i love the style of Luca SO MUCH, because to me they finally found that balance between cartoon proportions and hyper-realistic lighting and textures. Soul looked very good, but the characters didnt seem to belong in their environment at all - the architecture around them was perfectly realistic, but the characters were cartoonish. They were tied together by having super realistic textures, but it still felt a little off. In Luca however, they added a softness and some fun shapes to the environment, and although the lighting is very realistic, all the textures are fairly simplified. Like, one of my biggest pet peeves with 3D animation is how they make these big cartoony eyes and then give them a 30k resolution iris where you can see all the little strand things - but for once, FINALLY, they didnt do that in Luca!! and it makes for a world where you can fully suspend your disbelief and get immersed in the story. even me, who watches movies while constantly looking for things to criticize and dissect (i just think its fun), had barely anything to say about the visuals of this movie. it was just STRONG!! also!! they used that technique where you use a different head rig for the head seen from the side so you can really alter the geometry and make a really appealing mouth shape!! kinda like how it was in the cgi Peanuts movie. when Alberto torns his head sideways and his mouth just goes full pacman to chomp on some pasta i lost it!! i loved it so much!!!

then, the setting. like you said, perfectly recreated a small town in italy, ive never been in one but i immediately recognized and loved it. this entire movie takes place in such a limited number of sets! and i think its GREAT!!! a lot of recent animation movies will take their characters on a journey across so many environments, and while that can be interesting, you never stay in one place long enough to truly appreciate it imo. in Luca, there's less than 10 places that you constantly see: Luca's home, the field with the fish, Alberto's tower, the village square, Giulia's backyard, her kitchen, the little area of ocean by the town, and the hill they bike on. That's it! So you have a chance to be extremely familiar with those places, and how they relate to each other. It's a story that is very well contained and because of this, the environment becomes its own character! I think its a genius move and more animation movies should do it - if only for the fact that making less sets means you can spend more time polishing them. Every environment in this movie just has so much personality!!!

and lastly: the relationships. the main 3 characters are instantly friends, and although it happens quickly, it feels very genuine - and i think thats 100% due to their age. children characters are just the best, man. especially when they feel like real kids, with very defined quirks and personality traits. Alberto is confident, Luca is a dreamer (dont get me started on those daydream sequences ive never seen anything prettier in my whole life), and Giulia is competitive. thats their core and they just elaborate on that without making them too complex, so theres plenty of time to explore what we do know about them and how they relate to each other based on that. and theyre just full of love!!! we love to see it!!!!

i could keep going on for hours but anyway - youre right, Luca is amazing!!! ok maybe the movie isnt #deep like some others Pixar made but it is extremely fun and well made. everyone go watch it!! it has immaculate vibes its so wholesome!!

[weirdmageddon]

good lord what a fucking stressful day

driving up to class there was a truck in front of me for like ten straight minutes that was going 19 mph on a 35 mph road and there was a car behind me and i could just feel his pain too. it was taking all my mental effort to not blare my horn. soon as that fucking truck turned onto another road i pressed down so fucking hard on the gas pedal to get across the message to the cars behind me that i was pissed off we had to go that slow and that it was not my decision like sort of an apology to them like “you saw that fucking guy?? im not gonna keep putting you through that”

then when i got out of class i drove to the bookstore and was told i have no funds in my account to buy books and that i need to go to financial aid office. then i got anxious because nobody there knew where it was (i dont live on-campus so idk either) and i couldnt find any answers online because the map wasnt loading.

so then i looked at one of those “you are here” maps around campus and saw that financial aid was on the other side of route 41/tamiami trail (left side of campus). so i waited at that stupid light for 5 minutes and once i got to the other side i had to find a place to park which was annoying, and i still couldnt find the stupid office. i asked inside the first building i saw and the lady said it was across the road (pointing to the OTHER road, not route 41) so i walked over there. didnt look like the financial office but i checked anyway and it was locked, (and it wasnt the financial aid office). btw i’m in florida if it’s not obvious by “tamiami trail” and i have a heat intolerance (im 99.99% certain i have POTS, all i need is an official diagnosis but i havent had the appointment yet) and i started getting really fatigued and i was sweating my ass off and couldnt think straight and i felt that i was starting to get teary.

so im trying to find this stupid office in this oppressive heat. with a heat intolerance. and wearing a mask which made it feel a lot harder to get in air. i tried to ask this random kid but i broke down in front of him because i couldnt hold my shit together over something so minor as being unable to find this fucking office and i bet he thought i was insane or mentally unstable and i realized this so i was apologizing to him. when i inhaled it was so loud they were like gasps and i couldnt do anything about it and it made me so embarrassed...like the kinda gasps people do after running for their life. not quite hyperventilation because it wasnt fast but whenever i took in air it was like a sharp wheeze 😭 like my throat was so tight the air getting squeezed through it made a loud noise

so idk i think i maybe had a panic attack outside because i couldnt find this motherfucking financial aid office in this 90°F 70% humidity weather where it feels like 104°F so i could barely breathe to begin with and no one had given me good directions. then i involuntarily began holding my breath because it was embarrassing to be making loud sobbing gasps while walking.. which made it even harder to breathe but at least i wasnt drawing attention to myself.

i walked over to the student recreation center to get into the air conditioning and get some water. i sat down and i noticed i was STILL involuntarily holding my breath. they’re not breath-holding spells like babies do, like i dont do it until i get blue in the face but it’s sort of an automatic response as though to not make any noise? but it’s really involuntary it kinda becomes my default mode of breathing instead of normal respiration (anyone else do this when crying btw?? i tried looking it up but all i got was breath-holding spells in babies)

so taking few minutes while trying to calm down i took my phone out and searched for the financial aid center’s location on google and i still got nothing descriptive. i asked a more students around if they know where it is, one said he didnt know, and i was about to leave but near the exit there were like 4 students playing billiards and i asked them if they knew where it was. and i think one of the kids knew me from middle or high school because he remembered me and looked sort of familiar and said “sara are you okay” and i broke Again and i felt absolutely pathetic, but they ended up actually helping me this time find it and were really nice. turns out it WAS on the online campus map the whole time but i overlooked it because it was labeled “Palmer D / Financial Aid” and my tunnel vision ass just did not even recognize it because i was looking at the first letters going down the key list. and i felt so stupid. all of that for nothing. i couldve just stayed parked where i was for class earlier on the other side of tamiami trail. then i trudged back through the heat to my car and thats when i turned from feeling lost and panicky into frustrated and irritable because i KNEW where i needed to go but it felt like everything around me was so goddamn slow. i had to wait at that light for the full 5 minutes again because it turned from green to yellow just as i was driving up to it.

once it was green, i pulled back into that parking lot i was in at the beginning of the day and walked into the financial aid office and actually got something accomplished. i filled out a form (that they never made clear last year due to covid 🙄) which makes my bookstore funds automatically deposited and i helped walk a freshman who came in through the exact same steps after i finished mine. so that made me feel a little better.

at this point i was so full of adrenaline and cortisol and i acutely noticed how fucking DISGUSTING it was outside, the air was so muggy and it was overcast and like 90°F just an absolute swamp ass jungle. and i got back into my car and waited at that fucking tamiami light AGAIN and some stupid lady was like one whole ass car space behind the light so i couldnt turn into the right lane until it turned green and i was sittingthere for 5 mins just WAITING for this idiot to pull forward. then i waited at ANOTHER 5 minute light immediately after that before being able to actually drive home. just so many minor inconveniences all throughout my day that made everything feel so much worse.

i’ve been home for 4 hours at this point, i already showered but my body still feels like it’s full of stress hormones. my body is actually still has very minute tremors from all the stress. great start to the semester already.

[what-kinda-fuckery]

Hey so, I was one of the star struck falsettos stans that spent the forty dollars for the webinar, and I took notes (like a weirdo). So I decided I would share my funny moments and updates from the cast here!

- Host: Everyone should be keeping their audio off.

Christian: Oh alright!

Host: nO Christian not you

- Christians in Manhattan and his hair is back and he’s wearing a Superman t-shirt.

- Brandon is with his parents in NJ

- Stephanie and Brandon still love each other

- Brandon: Meat should be cooked just right

- Betsy: Stephanie are you in maple wood?

Stephanie: Well thank you for telling everyone where I am (she’s in NJ)

- Stephanie: Are you fucking kidding meee!!!

- Tracie is in LA, she looks like she’s in Costa Rica and I love her dog.

- Anthony’s VOICE IS LOW EVERYONES FREAKING OUT

they’re all talking about Anthony’s clear skin

- Andy Randy is in LA with a fresh haircut his boyfriend did it and he’s watching too much TV

Andrew: I’m watching this is America

Stephanie: SO GOOD

Andrew: SO GOOD

- Everyone’s having hard days

- Christian is acting out tracies dog’s pathetic bark and everyone’s like WHAT are you doing bc it looks like he’s about to throw up

- BETSY IS A WEEK AWAY FROM HAVINGA WHOLE CHILD

Betsy: What else do you do during a pandemic? Have a baby!

Andrew: Can I toss out another baby name? Celery.

Literally everyone: Goodnight Andrew goodbye!

- Christian is living with a girl (?) and playing board games instead of watching television

HE COOKS NOW EVERYONES PROUD OF HIM

Christian: yesterday I made pork filet en croute

Stephanie: I MADE PORK WITH SAGE AND APPLES ON WEDNESDAY

Stephanie: In mean girls they wear pink on wednesdays. In falsettos they make pork.

- I can’t get over Anthony’s voice

Again everyone returning to his literally perfect skin

- Stephanie: When watching four jews in a room in the beginning who’s in China?? I know the answer I just want to hear someone say it.

Andrew, with a thick accent: It was Bryna, in China, with a torn miniscus

- Christian: Did anything interesting make it on to the telecast between me and you? Andrew? Actually I dont remember I need to do my research.

Andrew: There’s been some strange comments about Christian and I- (AT THIS POINT IM WHEEZING)

HE MENTIONED THE TONY BONY

HE SAID IT WASNT A THING

HE DIDNT HAVE ONE

Andrew: No that’s not a thing that happened

Brandon: Andrew i want you to know that it’s okay if it was. It’s a safe space just the seven of us. (Lol)

- Bill Finn would take two steps into the room: “WROONG”

Stephanie: he wanted me to sing the end of I’m breaking down up the octave and I said #notmytrina

Brandon: #NOTMYTRINA

- Tracie what did you do during act 1

Tracie: Betsy and I sat in that dressing room for like an hour and a half

Andrew: You SANG the WHOLE SHOW TRACIE

- Betsy watched parts of the first act to feel like she was there

- Betsy sprained both her ankles at one point during the run and was a trooper anyways

Brandon reenacting Betsy limping during look look look look

Everyone dies laughing

Christians LAUGH makes me SO HAPPY

- Betsys screen is frozen like this: 🤨

Andrew: What if she went into labor??? (This is a common thread throughout the zoom)

- Anthony: I’m getting a lot of glitching so Stephanie is just like “HUH UH UH UH”

- Betsy comes back and everyone is like

YOU GUYS ITS COMING!!!

- They bought Andrew an ice cream for his birthday from the vending machine at rehearsal

- Andrew: The Hawaii crop top

Betsy: I would give anything to have that

- Tracie: it was very hard. Very precise bringing the blocks together

Brandon: Trying to be like oh my god we’re going to a funeral

Andrew: MY DEATH IT WAS MY DEATH

- fan question: What did the blocks weigh?

Stephanie: They were like thick yoga blocks. Not heavy but awkward shaped

Andrew: Significantly heavier when Anthony sat on them

Anthony: I just realized how much I got thrown around

Stephanie: Anthony were you proud of yourself? #proudofyou

Anthony: The one moment I was cringing was father and son

Christian: HERE WE GO *SLAPS TABLE*

Betsy: Anthony’s like BLAH BLAH BLAH blah my line BLAH BLAH BLAH my line BLAH BLAH

Christian: I LEAVE THE PAUSE IF YOU CANT GET IN THATS ON YOU

Anthony: I was blinking in that number like constantly

Christian: THE WHOLE THING LIKE A SALAMANDER

Oh Anthony.

- Andrew: I HAVE A STORY ABOUT CHRISTIAN BORLE. Tech for what more can i say. He was laying on me. We were shirtless in underpants under the blankets.

Christian: SLOWER

Andrew: he leaned over; He sniffed his armpit and said “I hope you like France”

EVERYONE DIES LAUGHING INCLUDING ME

Christian: i haven’t worn deodorant in 10 years true story

- Christian: i seem to remember holding our pillows and blankets pretending like we were partying on fyre island and Andrew said:

Andrew: WHATS YOUR NAME???

Christian: No no it was something like:

WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU STAYING IN??

Andrew: WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU STAYING IN???

Betsy: James lupine I feel like we’re ruining this show

- Andrew: The shenanigans were real but so was the sadness

Stephanie: We’re real and we’re funny what you gonna do

- Andrew talking about how hard the show was to do: Finding some liberty, It’s a hard world to live in all the time. It was a hard time especially for Christian. I would sometimes go home and cry for no reason

Brandon: Building up emotion with nowhere to put it

Betsy: then Lesbians come in and provide all the levity

Stephanie: Although Dr. Charlotte brings in horrible news

Tracie: Everything’s beautiful at what more can i say and I’m like not so fast

- Tracie always had a funny thing to say

- Who broke character the most on stage?

Anthony Stephanie and Christian

Anthony: it was when I said “I don’t want a bar mitzvah” and I spit in your face a lot and you went like *puts arms up* and someone at stage door was like very condescending like it’s not professional

Christian: Oh my bad we’re people sorry

- Stephanie wrote a line in the show “YOU HAVE PAINTINGS OF DICKS”

- James wanted her to cut off her finger during I’m breaking down

And turn around with a bandaged bloody finger

- Betsy’s nose bleeding during something bad is happening

And Tracie was like something BAD IS HAPPENING

Tracie: Christians throwing up right now

Betsy: Bloody Kleenex up the nose THE SHOW MUST GO ON

- Fan question: Stephanie how do you belt with a banana in your mouth

Christian: Practice practice practice

Stephanie: just shove it in your cheek. But Really that wasn’t supposed to happen

Anthony’s nickname in the rehearsal room was little bananas because he had to gather up all the pieces of stuff after Stephanie shoved the table over with her rear. Sometimes he didn’t have enough time to put it somewhere so he would just put the pieces of banana in his mouth and that’s where it came from

That’s why

- Andrew: Stephanie your glasses are very chic

Stephanie: Oh my gosh thank you *shocked*

- Betsy: Bill was like I’d rather DIE than change lyrics for the pbs special

FLaT aS a LaKe

- Cue everyone accidentally talking over each other and saying what at each other for 30 seconds

Christian: what? what? what?

Who is it?

What’s going on?

- If you could play anyone else in the show who would it be

Anthony said Mendel

Tracie said Mendel

Brandon said Trina

Andrew said marvin

Betsy said whizzer

Stephanie said Mendel

And I honestly couldn’t hear if Christian said anything whoops

- Brandon: If someone could at some point explain to me the Mendel eats dirt meme? People have been Asking me if Mendel eats dirt? I don’t think it’s about Trina Trina is not the dirt. I was overwhelmed. Can someone in the Q&A explain this? *A few seconds later* oh It was from a meme generator?

Christian: Greaat.

Brandon: It’s a fan fiction about Mendel eating dirt and getting aroused by it

Everyone: WHAT

- They still get fan art

Someone recreated the whole soundtrack 8bit and also with KAZOOS

- Brandon: CONGRATS CHRISTIAN ON LULOS WIN FOR LITTLE SHOP. If you haven’t seen Christian in little shop it’s revelatory I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass I have not laughed that hard in a while at the theatre

- Christian talking about little shop

Christian has a 12 inch Batman toy in his dressing room and he misses it

- Ticket prices were getting out of control before corona everyones hoping this will make a difference

Brandon and everyone think it should get more accessible

- Brandon: Hear hear I need a refill

- Stephanie: Your hair looks incredible Brandon (it did)

Christian: She’s been waiting to talk about it for 53 minutes

- Andrew: Well Betsy what I’m wondering is have you crowned yet??

Proceed everyone dying

Brandon, taking a picture of the screen: This moment will go down in history as When Betsy was asked if she was crowning

- Everyone mimicking zoom freezing by starting a sentence and freezing halfway through

- Christian: What new Steven sondheim musical are you excited about Anthony *devilish grin*

Anthony having no idea what Christian is talking about

Christian: Come on Anthony you know the answer. Ugh. The minds of the young. You’re smoking pot now aren’t you??

Christian: We have a lot of fun

- Andrew: I’m trying to get people to pay attention to me

- Christians pretending to be frozen

Cue a lot of yelling: Stephanie BRANDON STEPHANIE

NO CHRISTIAN

Everyone accusing each other of being frozen

NO YOURE FROZEN

- Andrew: Let’s all act like we’re frozen

Steph: I see Andrew acting like hes frozen

Betsy: Watching you do that is killing me

- Listening to the cast recording for the first time together

Stephanie: Why was I the a-hole that couldn’t be there???

Christian: That’s a question only you can answer

- Betsys husband came in everyones like BETSY LOOK OUT

Christian: that scared the shit out of me

- What is marvins last name and what was his line of work

Christian: we definitely said it at some point right? (They didnt) but he was in advertising. What was the last name? Gardens? O’Malley?

- Andrew: Betsys gone oh no

Betsy: I’m right here!!!

Andrew: She’s giving birth (again)

Stephanie: Betsy Wolfe is a ceiling

- Brandon: Welcome back Anthony. You’re here now.

Anthony singing merrily we roll along over Betsy trying to tell a story

Christian: STOP SMOKING POT IN YOUR BEDROOM ANTHONY

- Betsy: Steve (Steven Sondheim) comes to the door I call him steve

Into the woods is the reason Betsy is in theatre

- Betsy: Andrew was nervous singing at the tonys for Book of Mormon and he got dry mouth he sang like 😬I BELIEVE and he licked his lips so much during the song.

Brandon: Did you have a boner then too?

Andrew: GUYS DONT BE DICKS

Stephanie: It’ll be like dry mouth, boner

Andrew: BETSY YOU FUCKIN BITCH ITS ACTUALLY NOT THAT BAD

Stephanie: Bets maybe we should wrap it up

- Brandon sings MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

EVERYONE TELLING HIM TO STOP SINGING I took a video it was beautiful might post that later

- “Tracie Thomas from Lent!”

Tracie having stage fright

Tracie: Billy porter said “oh child we all forget the words” and walked away

- Anthony said WHO SHAT THE BED in four jews once

Anthony: That’s my contribution. Steph got her line, I got who shat the bed

- Steph: We lost andrew oh no

Christian: Um, we lost andrew ten minutes ago. Yeah when Brandon started singing

- Then Betsy sang a song by Bill Finn beautiful

- Steph: Wear your masks and eat pork on wednesdays

That was it!! I hope you enjoyed and people who were there if I got anything wrong that’s my human error it was hard to note everything I wanted to. Smooches! Byee

[starrynavigator]

I got this letter from Megan and then the first thing she said to me when I found her was she wanted to move out, so I had to write a fic on how that transpired.

Note: megan's nickname for me is lollipop

-----------

"Hhhh..."

Megan let out an anxious sigh. She'd been toiling over this letter for the last half an hour, reading and rereading it, making sure it sounded good enough to send to the resident representative.

"Maybe I should just toss it, this is silly of me to send anyway."

She reached for the garbage bin next to the stand when a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"What do you think you're doing, private?"

Megan bolted up, clutching the letter to her chest. Wilbur stood before her. How long had he been there, watching her agonize over this? She blushed, covering her face.

"Oh goodness, I'm sorry Wilbur. I dont mean to waste paper. I just... can't find the words to say what I'm feeling. I thought writing them out would help me feel better, but now that I have them on the page, it just seems silly."

Orville looked up from his book from behind the counter. "I could give it a read, if you'd like. I'm about as impartial as you can get!" He glanced at Wilbur and laughed. "Well, Wilbur too, but he's not much for reading."

Wilbur nodded. "Negatory, this bird has one love, and that love is flight." With that, he picked up his coffee from the desk and walked off into the back.

Orville rolled his eyes. "He's up until 2 am most days watching old compilation videos on NookTube of pilot commands."

He extended a wing to Megan. "Anyway, mind if I take a look?"

Megan fidgeted a little. "Promise you won't laugh?"

Orville snapped to attention, doing a salute. "I would never!"

Megan smiled and handed him the letter. "Let me know what you think."

She waited, watching him read over the page. He looked back at her and grinned. "This sounds just like you, Megan. I wouldn't change a thing."

He cocked his head, a little question mark appearing above it. "What did you get them that took so long to decide on?"

Megan blushed. "Well, I know they like umbrellas, so I thought I'd get them a really cute one I saw the other day. But I was worried if they'd like it or not. They really seem to like ones with fun designs and I thought this would be up their alley."

"What a thoughtful gift! I'm sure they'll love it."

She pulled out the umbrella and handed it to Orville. "If you think the letter is good, would you mind sending it off with this attached before I get cold feet again?"

"Okidodoki!" Orville did his dodo magic and stuffed an umbrella into a letter and tucked it away. "Was there anything else you needed?"

"No thank you, Orville. I really appreciate your help."

"Any time!" He smiled, and Megan took her leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, the sky darkened and rain poured down. Megan awoke to the sound of rain pattering against her windows, the rustling of the trees in the wind. She smiled, and went about making her breakfast. How fortuitous, now lollipop would be able to use their new umbrella. Just as she was putting her oatmeal on the stove, there was a knock at her door. Her heart jumped, was lollipop really up this early? She quickly opened her door, but instead found her black and white rabbit neighbor, Dotty, standing there with a bag.

"Morning! I could totes smell you cooking something scrumptious in there, so I thought I'd crash your breakfast party with some muffins!"

"Oh, good morning, sundae! Come on in, I'd love the company!" Megan let her inside. "Maybe even more than your muffins."

Dotty pulled the container of muffins from her bag and set them on her table. "I made them extra sweet, since I know that's your favorite." She took a carrot cake. "Anyway, whats up with you? Got any plans today?"

Megan took the oatmeal off of the stove and served them both. "Well, i was going to go do some exercises in the plaza later but I'm not sure now, with all this rain."

Dotty nodded "ugh, right? I'm soo ready for it to be summer, go away rain! I'm gonna craft this cool mask I thought up earlier. I was watching a streamer I like do this playthrough of a video game, and I was only half paying attention but I kept seeing these cuuute little forest things that wore leafs as masks! So I'm gonna go recreate them so I can do a little closet cosplay of them, doodle dip."

Megan smiled at her friend's enthusiasm. "That sounds like fun! I'll be sure to tell Riley you're crafting when I see them, you know how they love learning new DIY recipes."

An explanation mark appeared above Dotty's head. "Thats right! Weren't you working for like, eeeveerrr on finding them an umbrella? Whatd you settle on?"

Megan reached over and grabbed a lemon poppyseed muffin out of the container. "Well, i figured since they really seem to like umbrellas that look like something else, I'd get them one that looks like a kiwi."

Dotty put her hand on her chin, thinking, a thought bubble floated above. "Thats a super cute idea, but I am worried about what they might wear with that? I like, totally don't mean to bring you down but I don't think I know anything they usually wear that goes well with green and brown."

Megans blood ran cold. She hadn't even thought about what Riley normally wears.

"Oh gosh, I hadn't even thought of that! Shoot, I have to go see if Orville hasn't mailed it yet. Maybe I can still take it back!" Megan jumped up and threw on her raincoat.

"Wait, Megan, you really don't have to do that. I'm sure senpai-" but Megan was out the door before Dotty could finish.

*maybe there's still time... oh why didn't I consider this beforehand...*

Megan burst into Dodo Airlines, out of breath. "Orville!" She ran up to the counter. Startled by the sudden giant purple bear, Orville jumped, splashing coffee onto this uniform. Megans heart fell further.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Orville!"

Orville brushed himself off. "Thats okay, it happens more often than you'd think. What's got you in a tizzy?"

"I need to unsend that letter from yesterday, I've made a terrible mistake!"

Orville frowned. "But megan, we already went over how your letter was lovely. Besides, I already placed it in their mailbox, I can't just go and steal mail back."

Megans shoulders sagged. "Oh..." sighing heavily, she walked out.

Megan retreated to the coconut grove, sitting on one of the islands Riley had made. How could she claim to be a good friend if she didn't even notice their fashion choices? What else could she be neglecting to pay attention to? No one deserved an unobservant friend like her. Dotty had only been here a month and she knew more about lollipop than she did.

Maybe it would be best for her start over again. Maybe if she made a conscious effort to observe people from the beginning, she wouldn't miss things like this.

As she sat there thinking, a figure approached. She looked up to see lollipop, who was now rushing over to her.

"Megan! I got your letter! I-"

Megan put up a paw, shaking her head. "I know, it was foolish of me to send it. Look, i.... I think I need a fresh start, on a new island. I'm not growing that well here, I'm awful at noticing things. Maybe if I go somewhere new, I'll learn how to be a better bear and a better friend."

Riley's face fell. "Megan, how could you say that? You're a wonderful friend!"

Megans eyes filled with tears. "But... but Dotty has been here way less time than I have and she knows you so well!"

"Yeah, but you know me too. You know I love umbrellas and got me one I don't have yet! And look, it helped me coordinate an outfit for today!"

Megan wiped her eyes, actually taking in what lollipop looked like today. They were wearing a lovely green blossoming kimono, kimono sandals, and the kiwi umbrella. Megan smiled, and burst into laughter crying. Riley fumbled, looking distressed.

"Oh, uh, shoot, did I say something wrong?"

Megan shook her head, smiling. "Here i was, worried about not being observant enough, and I still didnt even notice what you were wearing. Can you ever forgive me?"

Riley hugged her. "Of course, you silly old bear. Our friendship is important to me, okay? My friendships with others will be inherently different, but that doesn't invalidate ours, I promise"

Megan nodded, hugging them back. "Thanks, lollipop. "

Riley looked up at them from their embrace. "Have I buttered you up enough to convince you to stay?"

Megan laughed. "Oh, all right. Maybe I'm right where I belong, after all."

Riley released her from the hug. "Anyway, just so we're clear: I love the umbrella. You really know me well."

Megan wiped away the last of her tears. "If my gift makes you happy, then I'm happy, sundae."

[ariesbilly]

Please tell us about fp sobbing in the river while all the other riverparents hold onto him...

why do yall want me to suffer...

i dont even know if i wouldve gone straight for a direct parallel like that, i was more just thinking about the general concept of it. but i mean, dont get me wrong i definitely did think about everyone in an actual river/lake/whatever recreating that exact scene i just dont know if thats the route i wouldve taken had i actually written it

but anyway i had this one idea about the midnight club all breaking in to the school the night after freds funeral (but like mary and gladys and probably hal wouldve been there too because fuck canon. and hiram and hermione wouldve also been there and not in jail. and penelope would not have been on the run... god i had shit thought out about fp and penelope having a conversation too.... listen i had a lot of thoughts about a lot of things but thats not what this message is)

BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND

so anyway everyone wouldve been together in the school and its all solemn obviously because fred has left such a huge hole in the group, but then gladys or somebody pipes up and starts sharing this really funny story about fred from back in the day and it gets everybody kinda smiling, half laughing, loosening up. fps like off by himself in a corner just keeping quiet the whole time, but as more stories get told, some of which he was involved in, his mouth starts turning up and its the faintest hint of a smile but its something. and by the time everyones gone around swapping stories the mood in the room is a lot lighter than when it started, but fp still hasnt said anything and it hasnt gone unnoticed

so everyone kind of turns to him and mary asks if hes got any stories he wants to share (and of course he does, hes got a million stories and they all know it) 

hes silent for a little bit before he clears his throat and starts talking about this one time they were at pops real late, fp had just gotten into it with his dad so he didnt want to go home and fred had just sat with him in the booth to keep him company, was trying to cheer him up. so fred had been putting on these stupid voices and doing really bad impressions trying to get fp to laugh and it was working a little bit but not as much as fred liked, so fred had started picking at his fries and flicking them at fp and of course fps first reaction was confusion and a tinge of annoyance but fred had this smirk on his face that always meant trouble and it didnt take long for fp to catch on and soon enough they had a full blown food fight in the middle of pops at 11:30 at night. fortunately they were the only two patrons around but by the time pop got them to stop they were covered in ketchup and mustard and milkshake and pickles and pop was yelling his head off at the two of them that they had to clean up the mess themselves which was admittedly a pain in the ass but by that point they couldnt stop laughing and fp had all but forgotten about his dad and even while they were mopping up the floor and wiping down the table they had these big smiles on their faces

and fps smiling as he tells the story but hes got tears in his eyes that he keeps wiping away. and everyone around him is smiling and chuckling along too (alice had chimed in with some commentary about how immature they were but it didnt really hold any bite)

and as the story winds down fps just kinda sitting there thinking about freds smile that night and he can still hear freds laughter ringing in his ears and suddenly its hitting him that hes never gonna hear that again. its hitting that fred always knew how to cheer him up and hes never gonna have that again either and soon enough theres this sob racking through him and even though it wasnt ever really talked about, everybody knows that fred and fp werent just friends. that there was always something deeper. and its abundantly clear now with the way fp cannot keep himself together. gladys and mary are the first ones that go over to him, wrapping him up tight in their arms, gladys holding him to her chest. alice goes over next and holds the hand that fp isnt using to cover his face. everyone kinda follows suit after that and its not long before fps in the middle of this giant group hug which usually would make him feel wildly uncomfortable but he cant really focus on anything else right now besides the memory of fred. hes hardly even aware whats happening around him but eventually he looks up and realizes whats going on around him its a lot to take in. because at the end of the day none of them are friends, not as a whole anyway. and he knows the only reason theyre all even together right now is because freds gone. and its not like he even wants them all to be friends anyway. hes perfectly fine with how things stand between them all but... its nice that they can all come together even if just for a little bit for this.

but once he finally somewhat pulls himself together he says “well this is embarrassing” and everyone laughs and starts to disperse, gladys kisses his temple and she and mary are the only ones that stay close to him.

i also like the idea of alice going over to the window and carving the + between fred and fps initials because in my mind the reason she carved them next to each other in the first place was because she was one of the few people actually in the know about their relationship in high school and she was being a good friend and did that for the gays because she knew fp wouldve carved their initials all over the damn town if he could but this was a stealth way to give him what he wanted. a good friend, really. we love friends. :) so anyway now shes just completing the though but please BELIEVE if there is a lovers bridge or some shit in riverdale fp took his ass down there the next day and finally carved his and freds initials himself! ive cried 15 times writing this 

anyway you could also just take all this and apply it to everyone going down to the swimming hole that julia and i have discussed MANY a times and everyone just kinda having a day celebrating fred cuz he used to love going down there in the summer and fp ends up sobbing in the water cuz he keeps thinking about all the secret trips he and fred used to take up there themselves... im depressed

[the-writerly-night-owl]

Sister Bonding

The Elementalists/ MC x Atlas sister bonding 

Summary:  My last poll option! It was D: MC and Atlas bonding together as Atlas is getting prepared to have kids of her own.

Authors Note: This is more of a short then anything. Contrary to popular belief I do write characters that’s not just Beckett and MC lol. I’ll be opening requests soon too. 

Tags!: @flyawayboo @queen-among-writers   @cosigottahavefaith  @am-i-invisible777 @countrymusicandncis-blog @fluffy-cat-whisper @melodyofgraves @symonde @feartheendlesssummer  @paisleylovergirl

From her spot in the sand box at the park Ellie watched her kids play. Well Cassia at least with Beckett as Seth was sitting in the sandbox with her.  He had a habit of tossing it in his hair for some reason. Next to her sat what looked like a heavily pregnant Atlas, but really, she was only five months along. She looked just as comfortable as the next pregnant woman.

“Soooo, what are you naming your babies?” asked Ellie as she turned her attention to her sister.

“Why is it that you can make these one at a time and I can’t?” asked Atlas as she grumbled helping Seth with his sandcastle.

“Twins are genetic and it just happened to be you? Think about it this way, if you want two kids. Consider this a one and done deal, you don’t have to do it twice.”

Yes, Atlas was having twins and it honestly surprised her to hear that. It wasn’t very surprising to both girls when they heard that news. After all they were twins themselves. It was quiet between them as Ellie suddenly burst into laughter.

“I could just see them switching places,” she said through her giggles. “I can’t help it but see you catching them all the time and encouraging it.”

“You know I would,” said Atlas she put a hand on her own belly. “I can imagine Shreya would be really mad at me.”

Both laughed as they could picture her face if the twins tried to switch on Shreya and she wouldn’t catch it right away. Maybe she’d play along though, thought Ellie. She was really happy for them though. Atlas and Shreya started to develop some feelings during their final year at college and decided to tie the knot. It was wonderful how they got along together now versus the beginning.

“I don’t mean to be too sappy when I say this,” said Atlas with a pause before shaking her head. “I’m glad that I’m able to give my kids the childhood I didn’t fully have. I mean with you around and everything. They’ll have more than each other with cousins and a pretty cool aunt.”

“Aww,” she started to say before her son poked her.

“I made a castle,” he said proudly, “and I’m king of it.” Then proceeded to take his bucket and put it on his head as she saw the sand fall out of it. This happened nearly every single time she never bothered to stop it before, why now? Sighing Ellie shook her head, she was going to be cleaning sand out of his hair tonight.

“Anyway, I have a present for you,” said Ellie as she handed Atlas the gift from her bag. She looked a bit suspicious before unwrapping it and pulling out a long blue blanket. “I recreated our original baby blanket for your kids, whatever the gender might be.”

Atlas didn’t say anything before proceeding to hug her twin. Ellie grinned as she hugged back, they didn’t have to say anything at this point. They had each other and that’s what mattered.

[curly-q-reviews]

ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER AWARDS 2K19

Black Panther, 2018 (dir. Ryan Coogler)

Nominated for: Best Original Score, Best Original Song, Best Motion Picture of the Year, Best Costume Design, Best Production Design, Best Sound Editing, Best Sound Mixing

ok y’all lets get this party started with a movie i didnt get to catch in theaters (i think i ended up renting it) but people were absolutely raving about it all of last year, and for good reason i gotta say!  it was one of the better marvel films that came out last year (though in my humble opinion Infinity War takes the gold)

speaking of marvel lets talk about it for a spell!  lets have a lil sit-down chit-chat shall we!!  cause its kind of insane how much of an american media phenomenon marvel has become, they are arguably single-handedly responsible for reviving the superhero movie subgenre and now these types of movies bring hollywood more dineros than they probably know what to do with (besides make more superhero movies).  what used to be a niche market where only your most hardcore of nerdy types dared to dwell has been embraced into the mainstream wholeheartedly, and now its hard to imagine the american film industry without them. 

from a film critique standpoint, marvel movies seem to be a hit-or-miss as far as quality, however i cant really think of a particular marvel movie that i thought was a total piece of hot garbage (the first two Thor movies come close but they were more boring than anything else).  however last year was a real success for the studio, they just kept pumping out quality movies left and right and once disney managed to get its grubby lil mouse paws on Spider-man it was a done deal baby.  DC and other companies have tried again and again to recreate the success that Marvel has managed and so far they’ve failed to various degrees.  Marvel’s just got that special something with their cinematic universe, some magical combo of great actors and creative directors and an ever-expanding budget that keeps them staying at the top every time.

so whats my stance on superhero movies???  well theyre not my usual cup of tea but i gotta say they’re real damn entertaining.  i kinda view them like a high-speed ride at an amusement park, super fun and thrilling and exhilarating and just a real good time!  but thats about as far as it goes for me, and im sure thats the same for a lot of people.  to be honest its kinda refreshing to have movies that quality-wise are up to my standards that i dont have to think too hard about.  so for me the movies i typically go for are like museums, whereas superhero movies (and action movies in general) are like a carnival.  both entertaining and fun, but the latter is just all about letting loose and not wondering about the why’s and how’s.  when i think about it, this kinda mindset is for sure a factor in how these movies got so popular, because with the shitshow that is our current government and the potential imminent death of our planet people are once again looking for movies as a form of escapism, rather than a way to get deep and philosophical and ask the tough questions and see something profound. 

with that being said, despite some exceptions that have proven me wrong to my utter joy and delight (im looking at u Logan), i expect movies that are nominated for wiener awards to be more like museums than like carnivals y’know what i mean?  u catchin my drift???  u takin what im dishin out????  the academy awards have a long history of prestige, of nominating the best of the best of any given year. quite a few movies that won oscars are now considered to be timeless classics.  which is why superhero movies, at least the typical marvel types that are chocked to the brim with CGI and epic massive fight scenes and explosions, dont really strike me as anything that could eventually become a timeless classic.  the amount of computer-generated effects alone will make these movies feel really dated as soon as like five years from now with how fast technology is progressing.  i just dont see it happening.

and that brings us to the first wiener award nominee ill be talking about, Black Panther.  this isnt director Ryan Coogler’s first time at the rodeo; his first feature film Fruitvale Station received critical acclaim in 2013, and the spiritual Rocky sequel Creed actually got nominated for some oscars a few years ago.  so we’ve got a promising and talented director at the helm which is a great start!  we’ve also got a stellar cast with the likes of michael b. jordan (who has been in all of Coogler’s films so far), lupita nyong’o, angela bassett, and forest whitaker in the bunch.  it also has the astronomical financial backing of Supreme Overlord Disney so u know this is gonna be some high-quality shit.

so i’m gonna tell y’all why i think this movie got nominated for so many oscars, because in a way i do think this movie is deserving of noms from the academy.  theres no denying that it is very groundbreaking for a movie of this scale and magnitude to have a black director and a nearly all-black cast.  in fact, i think a lot of the crew members (including set and costume design) were black as well.  thats fuckin huge my guy.  and this movie was by no means a flop either; it ended up being one of the highest-grossing films of 2018 and stayed in theaters for a loooong-ass time.  and not only were the people on this project mostly black, the movie itself is a story praising and showing off the beauty of african culture without exotifying or demeaning it in any way.  like i can say 100% without a doubt that this movie deserves its best costume design nom cause holy shit the outfits in this movie are stunning, just the perfect blend of ancient/current tribal african aesthetics and a more futuristic sleek style that any fashion enthusiast can drool over.

i cant say much about best musical score or best sound mixing or anything like that cause it all seemed like typical marvel stuff to me and wasnt all that memorable.  however i can say that the production design on this movie, while it didnt impress me as much as costuming, did still impress me.  the one thing i gotta knock it on is all the fucken CGI, like whole entire towns and landscapes were digitally rendered.  i wouldve been a lot more impressed and would agree more to the production design nom if they used more practical effects and real sets/locations. 

so.  best picture.  this is where i feel the most conflicted.  cause this is where i now have to look past all the pretty fancy visuals and music and look at the actual meat of this movie, its story and characters.  usually best picture noms also get noms for things like best actress, best script, and best director, cause those are all really important elements of a good film.  ur movie can look and sound as pretty as it wants but if the storys shit and the characters are shit and the actings shit then u dont have much going for u.

and by no means am i saying that Black Panther was shitty in these aspects, it was just well.  passable.  it was ok.  but nothing to write home about

we got some good performances from newcomers letitia wright and chadwick boseman, lupita kills it as always, but then everyone else was like.  okay.  michael b. jordan didnt really do his best in this and idk if its the script’s fault or something but it was weird.  and speaking of the script it was uuuuhhhhh well.  not great.  every time i think about that “what are those” reference i die a little inside.  and the story overall wasnt really anything new when u break it down, just another “son of king struggles to take his place” narrative.  and that aspect of the story couldve actually been more developed into something interesting, i found myself really intrigued with the political scenes.  but there just wasnt enough of that cause they needed to make more room for the PEW PEW POW EXPLOSIONS

granted, movies with lots of shimmer but little substance have been nominated for best picture before (just look at James Cameron’s Avatar which is apparently getting a sequel now????????).  and its not even that this movie is completely devoid of substance cause theres some interesting things going on plot-wise, and some stand-out characters too (shuri is the boss and no one can tell me otherwise).  its just, u know, a good superhero movie.  nothing really profound about the story itself except for the cultural, historical, and social context behind it.

so lemme get back to why i think this movie got a best picture nom.  i think the academy wants to keep up their appearance of being #woke now by continuing to nominate more than one poc-heavy project each year, but they seem to be caring less and less about the actual overall quality of these movies.  and theres even some movies on the noms list that i think actually have what it takes to be a strong oscars contender, like If Beale Street Could Talk and BlacKkKlansmen.  but i think in Black Panther’s case, they were under a lot of pressure to give it top noms (or any noms at all) because of the intensely positive response this movie got, as well as the accusations of racism to people who didnt think it was as great as fans were saying. 

also i have no doubt that Supreme Overlord Disney like threw piles and piles of money at the academy like they tend to do (cause i’d bet good money thats the only fucken way Incredibles 2 got nominated for anything)

well anyway ive gone on long enough about this, lemme know what y’all think.  really the only nom im iffy about when it comes to this movie is Best Picture, but the others i think are well enough deserved, especially costume design.  so i guess the one thing i struggle with is this: does a movie becoming a pop culture phenomenon and being groundbreaking in its cast and crew count as enough for it to be nominated for the top prize of the wiener awards, despite any fallbacks in script, direction, and acting?  idk man im just hoping it doesnt get the award by default or something but then again maybe after watching all the other nominees it may turn out that the rest of them were worse than Black Panther i guess i’ll have to find out

stay tuned for my A Star Is Born review y’all stay fresh and funky eat ur vegetables stay in school u dont need drugs when ur high on life

[jolie-auletta]

Lose Yourself, To Find Yourself.

So, I had the honour of being part of an international women’s day seminar yesterday. Hosted by the beautiful Gaia Rose, at her annual awakened woman gathering.

Part of a 7 woman strong team, I made my first public speech.

Stood in front of 50 women I didn’t know, I spoke about something that had impacted my life. How I fully and completely lost myself, but found my true self by doing so.

So here goes;

When I first found out I was going to be speaking today, I was an anxiety ridden mess, I was almost automatically filled with all kinds of insecurities. What if my story isnt as exciting as everybody elses. What if people judge me. What if I dont even inspire any one?

And as normal as that thought process is for someone who has never spoken in public before, it isnt actually very logical.

While I was writing this speech I sent it over to my friend to read over and I told her I felt somewhat guilty for mentioning someone from my past.

I am literally about to say things to a room of strangers that I've never even said a loud before!

But that's when it hit me, I want to be part of teaching our daughters and the next generation of women to not be afraid of simply speaking the truth!

I was always an intelligent kid. I taught myself how to speak other languages, play musical instruments, top of the class.. so I should have been a grade A student, gone to uni and I could have been living 'the dream' right now.

I know that the dream is just perspective. The dream is what you make it. But what I’m trying to say, is I could have had a smooth and easy life, if things had been different.

I don't dwell on that though, devine alignment is something I speak of often. All that is meant to be, will be.

My secondary school days were awful. I started later than I should have, so perhaps that had something to do with it? I don't know. But I felt like I was just always having to try harder than normal, just to make friends. Constantly seeking approval from my peers, constantly trying to be ‘one of them’.

What I've realised it comes down to, is I've just never had good social skills. Which no body believes when I tell them because I come across so confident and eccentric!

But honestly I'm what I like to call a social chameleon. I can blend in with any group, but it's all down to analysis of behaviours and mimicking. In a sense it's just acting.

And that's what school was like for me, I shuffled between groups, making friends then falling out with them over things I just didn't understand at the time

It's like I just didn't know how to integrate with people , or be myself.

So along with feeling like I has no real friends.. I was actually bullied too. The entire time.

I remember having to leave school early just to avoid confrontation. The worst part is, I didn't tell a soul I until I was 25? So a whole 10 years went by without even telling my own mum that I was bullied!

That's something I really regret now. Because I believe it all stems from there and if I had reached out to someone, it could have all been different.

Anyway, the last year of school rolled round and I'm obviously so happy to leave!

But then this fear kicked in. What if I get bullied again!?

So I had an ingenius plan. (in hindsight this was not an ingenius plan at all)

I firstly completely went off radar. I chose a college in a new area, where no one would know me and heres the ingenius part. I made a new personality. Who is the most unbullyable person, I thought? All my previous bullies where quite 'rude girl' personas, so thats when i pieced everything together and decided who I’d be.

And it worked. No one picked on me and I was actually popular.

The mask was working, but that’s all it was, a mask.

I was still constantly seeking approval from people, always trying to be what I thought other people thought was cool, not what I actually thought was cool.

About 8 years ago, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD. I was on medication but I took myself off of them when I fell pregnant. I did see a psychiatrist for a number of years, but I'm due to have another evaluation because I tick a lot of the boxes for autism!

This was literally a lightbulb moment! When I found out I could be on the spectrum- everything in my life made sense. And it turns out its really common for women with autism to go under the radar, or be diagnosed with depression, anxiety or bipolar/bpd like I was, and that's it, autism isn't even considered.

I am quite obviously high functioning, but every day scenarios like dealing with my emotions, sensory predicaments and simple socialising are a daily battle for me.

I have done A LOT of self healing and I have made a lot of progress, but I have come to the conclusion that whether I'm one, none, or all of the above , I just don't fit in a box and that's okay!!

I found my release in music, it was a coping mechanism, a world to get lost in.

But this leads me onto the second part of my story. During my music years, I met someone who would change my life.

A narccissist.

As i said before i do believe everything happens in devine order and its all lead me to where I am today. And I don't even hold a grudge towards this person. What's done is done.

And we were actually friends for a long while before getting together, we were best friends in fact, I can't even fault the friendship.

But the relationship was TOXIC!

The mental abuse was off the scale. And he also introduced me to cocaine. Now, in the beginning, it was all fun and games. Parties, recreational and I had no responsibilities in life so I thought why the hell not.

But it became more than that. He got me involved in not only taking it, but selling it too.

The entire relationship became based on that.

And ultimately it was detrimental to my soul.

I didnt even recognise myself. My family didn’t recognise me. It was like I had all these layers of personality I had invented to hide behind, but I couldn’t even remember who I was underneath it all!

I became more and more involved in this crazy lifestyle, so much so I ended up in prison because of it.

Honestly I look back and just think, how could I be so STUPID. It took me so long to admit that I was in a controlling and abusive relationship.

This guy had a hold on me. The kind of hold only a narccissist can have.

This wasnt some teenage crush where i 'loved' him so much and I'd do anything for him. I was a crushed soul, bowing down to a dictator.

I did what he wanted, when he wanted. I didn’t even exist. It was all about him.

My mental state was in pieces.

Im honestly so embarrased to tell people Ive been to jail. I mean even saying the word jail. It makes me cringe. I rarely tell people. There are family members that don’t even know!

But that prison freed me. From the jail that was my own body.

Its almost heartbreaking to think of myself all alone in a cell, no friends or family , but I had time to be on my own. With ME! The actual me, not the me I had been playing the part of for the last god knows how many years.

I honestly remember the day the penny dropped, it was when I put my nose ring back in. It sounds so crazy, but when I put it back in, all the pieces of me started to sort of fall into place too. I wore the clothes I wanted. I wore my hair how I wanted and I was starting to love being me again.

The mask was off! I existed again! And that was a beautiful feeling!

I can’t believe I’d kept up this charade for so many years! I should have been an actress, seriously 😂

So fast forward to today, I have a daughter, My Isabella Amethyst. I honestly love her more than I ever thought was even possible and she has played a major role in me becoming the person I am today, because she deserves me at my best and no less.

Another point to make is… As some one who was too foreign for the white folk; yet too white to be black… my whole life I had never fit in to a ‘group’.

I started researching my ancestral heritage and had a deep spiritual connection with the Italian and Spanish parts of my DNA. I even discovered I had Amerindian and oceanic DNA. Which was amazing and even more soul grabbing for me, it gave me a sense of belonging.

A lot of people say wow jode, you've changed so much!

But i am now, who I actually was before I was pressured in to believing I wasn't good enough as myself! Before I invented a new me, just to fit in with everyone else!

So along with becoming a parent, Ive managed to start my own holistic business too!

I do everything I love now, everything that makes my soul happy. I say yes to my intuition and say no to anything that doesn't serve me. We as women have to learn put ourselves first! We have to learn to trust ourselves, love ourselves and actually learn to be a bit selfish!

Life has given me some lemons, as they say. My world was incredibly sour at times and I have found my self in the darkest of corners, alone. But as clische as it is, after the darkness comes light.

I can wholeheartedly say that although I may not be 'living the dream' I could have been, if I had chosen all the 'right' paths in life, I am infact HAPPY. My soul is content and I am ME.

No matter what any of us have been through in life, we not only grow through it, we can flurish beyond it. These awful things happen to us, but they do not define us.

Sometimes we just have to lose ourselves, to find ourselves.

[dailysarina]

The Sarina Project

Ok so I gotta put a little A/N at the start of this one beacuse I realized I have to make a litttttllllleee change to this story. Soz. Annyywaaayyyy... I’ve decided to change the POV from first person to third person, which I know is probably SUPER annoying for you but I promise this chapter would work better if it was not just from Karina’s POV. So I hope y’all are ready for some ~e p i c~ punk!Sarah thoughts ^-^

The Sarina Project

Chapter 18: I Hate My Freinds

“Are you sure your ready to do this?” Emily viciously inquired of DJ, who just happened to be sitting next to her. (A/N: Remember, Karina is NOT narrating this she is NOT HERE hehe ^-^)

“Are you kidding??? I’m literally James Bond,” DJ said, popping the p. “I’ve snuck into like 15 classrooms already this year.”

“OMG ME TOO!” Emily said back in response to DJ.

“Ya exactly we snuck into those classrooms together,” DJ unimpressedly said. They both laughed at Emily’s forgetfulness.

“Haha,” she laughed, giggling.

“Ok lets go,” DJ said, immediately jumping into a James Bond somersault and kicking the door to the classroom. Emily crept in behind him, her greenish, hazelish, slightly brown speckled balls of sight gazing over the cold, lifeless, OPPRESSIVE, torture seats... aka... DESKS. (A/N: hahahahhahaha I hate school sum1 halp plz 😭😂)

“There’s no one in here,” Emily said after about ten minutes observations.

“Wow it’s not like I can see the exact same classroom,” DJ sarcastically quipped back at her in such a tone that only DJ could recreate.

“Just get to the desk,” Emily said, deciding to suddenly use her gymnastics skills to backflip across the room and onto the teacher’s desk.

“Wow I, definitely good enough for the olympics if I can do that,” Emily said, obviously very very proud of her recent accomplishments. Ever since she was two days and fifteen hours and 32 minutes old, she had wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. Gymnastics was her LAIFE!! (A/N: Chipotle is laiiifffeee heh XD). DJ rolled his brown orbs he used for seeing almost every day back into his head at Emily’s showyoffiness and walked over to the same teachers desk Emily was standing on.

“I saw Mrs. Bersbedasukeon put the paper with our group project partners on the third drawer from the bottom on the right said,” DJ told Emily, DABBING and pointing toward the correct drawer. Emily pulled open the drawer and grabbed the single piece of paper sitting on there. A piece of paper that could change the life of ALL THE NAMES ON IT. This paper would be the most sacred thing Emily would touch in a long time.

“This piece of paper is so precious,” Emily hugged the paper to her chest while violently popping her p’s.

“Just switch the names!!!!,!!!!!!!” DJ annoyingly said, banging on the desk to gain Emily’s attention back. Emily nodded and started whiting out a few names on the paper with... WHITE OUT; which she had conveniently stashed in her coat pocket and had just pulled out for this specific reason.

(A/N: okiiii idk how to describe this next part because it always plays like a movie in my head... if that makes sense... IDK. But anyway I’m gonna write this next part like a script so it’s easier for y’all to understand. Remember dailysarina cares about her followers!!! ;))

Emily: *quickly runs white out over a few ^convenient^ names*

DJ: *rewrites the new group partners aS THEY SHOULD BE*

“Good. That’s good,” Emily said as DJ forged the teachers’ handwriting. Then the super sneaky spy duo (A/N: “Nice use of alliteration” -Mr. Scoggins, my English teacher haha jk I would DIE if he read this lol xD) left the classroom until the next day.

THE NEXT DAY............,,....

I enter through the doorway to my art class, brushing my newly dyed pink hair out of my eyes and adjusting my lilac colored flower crown. ‘I wonder if Sarah will notice my hair?’ I wonder. Wait. WHY DID I THINK THAT?? Ugh this is so annoying. Sarah is literally the scariest person I’ve ever seen and yet I am CONSTANTLY worried about what she thinks of me. What is up with that?? It probably just because I’m a weird person, and that’s what weird people do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Ew your hair looks like a fairy threw up on it,” Sarah quipped at me the second I walked in the room, without even making eye contact. What the heck?!??,.! Why is she so MEAN? “You also look like that girl from LazyTown.” OH THAT’S IT.

“Yeah, well... you look like Susie from DELTARUNE!” I screamed back at her, crossing my arms in satisfaction. I can’t believe I actually stood up to her! She didn’t get mad and punch me in the face like I thought she would. She didn’t even yell another insult back at me. She just smiled a bit, and went back to drawing a skull and cross bones on her ripped jeans with eyeliner. I skip over to a giggling Emily and DJ, who were sitting at the table next to Sarah, and sit down, fluffing the skirt of my light pinkish salmon dress as I sit.

“What are you laughing about?” I say to my freinds, who seem to be cackling about something I don’t know about. Are they laughing at me?? I wouldn’t be surprised if they were, considering all my old friends at my old school started bullying me for being weird. UGH! WHy is being weird so hard in high school??

“Nooooiittththhhhhiiiiinnnnnnngggggggg............” the blonde haired girl and the brown eyed boy said in complete unison. Ok, that was creepy, I’m just going to ignore that.

“I will now read out the partners I’ve assigned for this art project y’all will be working on,” our teacher, Mrs. Bersbedasukeon yelled at us. I really hope I get a good partner that doesn’t make fun of my pink hair. And I rreeeeaaallllly hope I don’t get Sarah. ANYONE BUT SARAH.

“The first pair will be Karina and Sarah.”

...

...

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

“Ummm, can I please- but I am cut off by the rudest teacher to ever exist. She just goes on giving out partners like I don’t have a problem with mine. HOW RUDE IS THAT

“Ugghhhhhhh now our project is gonna be covered in rainbows and glitter and pink flowers, gross.” Sarah said, banding her head on the table. I feel like I’m about to cRY. THIS IS GONNA BE H O R R I B L E. why does all the horrible stuff always have to happen to me? My life sucks,

“Well have fun with you Project, you guys,” Emily quips sarcastically, popping the p, but I did NOT think it was funny. She gets to work with DJ, and that’s NOT FAIR. why can’t THEY work with Sarah???” At least they sort of l i k e her.

This is probably all their fault.

I hate them sooooooo much. :( 😭

...

WHOOOAAAAAAAA CLIFFHANGERRRRRRRR!!! xD. Soz that this chapter was a little confusing but a lot of stuff that needed to happen so the story can finally pick up (I can’t believe I’ve written 18 chapters!!!) I honestly think this is the best thing I’ve ever written, but REMEMBER. I have NEVER written anything before this is my FIRST time trying fanfic and I really don’t want anyone to judge me. Don’t be r00d LOLOLOLOL.

On a different note........ my mom is FINALLY taking our family to Chicago and I’m literally going to be spending all week hunting for my two favorite people EEEEEEEEEE. I’m hoping to see them at least 7 times, maybe more? I mean I know what kind of places they like to eat at and where they hang out with people (don’t ask me how I know I’ll never tell hehehehe) so it shouldn’t be too hard to find them. By the end of the week they’re gonna LOVE ME! xD xD Anywayyyyy because of that I probably won’t be writing another chapter next week, but I will still be posting d a n k memes about our children! Dailysarina is signing off now hehe. Peace!!! ✌️

[fluffyheretic]

god i need to talk abt a dumb conversation i had w a coworker last week at work bc he fuckin sucks

this dudes name is paul and hes an older dude and fucking annoying. first of all i found out recently that hes a huge trump supporter so basically i have 0 respect for him now. i already didnt have much but now? lol. also he keeps asking me about my mom? like out of nowhere he'll be like "hows your mom doing" "whats your mom up to" "say hi to your mom for me" like ok if im being generous hes trying to make conversation but its just a REALLY weird thing to keep doing (he met her once btw) and ALSO hes dating another one of the salespeople like... paul stop talking about my fucking mom. ew!! jesus christ!!!!

anyway i was on break and he came in to get something to eat and he asked how my day was, and it was a super extremely slow day so i was like well at least i can read my textbook for school

and hes like "tch. and you said youre not straight"

and im like "WHAT" im abt to have a fucking panic attack bc when the FUCK did i tell anyone at work that??? i didnt and i Wouldnt!!

and hes just like "you said youre not a straight-edge...." and im like Oh Yeah bc i did say that

a few weeks prior we had a conversation and idr exactly how it came up but i called my other coworker ben a straight-edge bc he 100% is (he told me 'doesnt believe' in recreational drug use. also he avoids road rage by 'being zen') and paul was like "you are too" and i Very Clearly told him no im definitely not a straight-edge. and the whole time he was like "whaaaat D: yes you are!!! i dont believe you!!" as if im insulting myself.. no, being a straight-edge is insulting, paul. and also dont tell me what i am. i am telling You.

and then he started talking abt how i used to be so sweet when i first started working here but i ~changed~ and. first of all dont fuckin patronize me? second of all i didnt change a bit, i was much more quiet and reserved when i first started working here bc i was NEW, OBVIOUSLY and now im actually relaxed and feel like i can be myself. sorry not sorry you dont like it

which kinda ties into this thing abt how peoples first impression of me is a Young Girl whos Shy and Quiet with a Soft And Gentle Voice so when people find out that sometimes i speak bluntly or that i swear and theyre like WHAT NO YOU CANT D: welll guess what..... im a 3-dimensional being.............. im not an innocent widdle flower, i actually have layers.... im a real person.... can you believe it

so anyway he was like "you said youre not a straight-edge" and i was like "i still wanna graduate!!" there was something about "you should be going to college parties thats what people go to college for to do college parties" and like. i tried explaining to him that i commute to campus i dont live there, i dont have friends there, i dont get invited to college parties and even if i did i dont have the time (bc i can barely get my hw done as it is when im trapped here at work so damn much) and like. how many fuckin college parties do you think are actually happening? esp at that tiny little itty-bitty community college campus?

i was like "people are there to graduate paul 😐 bc college is expensive!!" and he was like "well i guess ive upset you so im gonna leave 😔" he always does that if youre anything except perfectly sweet to him he suddenly acts like youre lashing out at him

and then on his way out he just said "well. say hi to your mom for me"

fuck you paul

[shaddy-bee]

I KNOW ITS BEEN LIKE 300 YEARS BUT-

5 things you’ll find in my bag

Right now theres uhh Notebooks, both school and 1 art. Drink mix ins, with such great flavors as sour apple jolly rancher and crush pineapple (tm) Two packs of cards, one of which steam punk themed and the other your regular ol bicycle. A calculator. Its a shitty old one but its for tests, i have google and shit for anything i need myself.

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

A roommate. Idk if he is gay or what but he isnt straight, name’s will. Chill dude. Sleepin rn, what a fella MY SICK ASS COMPUTER IM MISSING OUT ON BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS ASLEEP AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANNA PLAY ROCKET LEAGUE WITHOUT LAGGING TO HELL also programming my mods. Need to upload that shit. Shit what number we on, 3? Okay cool. A bed. Wow really a bed in your bedrooM? yeah its pretty fuckin spectacular i know. I dont have posters n shit so like i gotta be creative you feel. A microfridge. Now i know what youre thinking, “ah a small fridge whats the big deal?” but no you dont understand, its a microwave fucking bolted onto the top of a fridge. They gave zero fucks attaching these two together and apparently the name is the same way, WHY NOT A FRIDGEWAVE EVEN LIKE MICROFRIDGE JUST SOUNDS LIKE A SMALL FRI- Last but not least, im tempted to just say my wallet here tbh, cuz its old but like, youd EXPECT that now would you? Something boring and mundane for me to fill out the word count with making everything super exciting so nah man, fuck it. Theres air in my bedroom. Fight me.

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in my life

Make a videogame. Like okay, a lot of stuff on this list is jokes and stuff, and I know im going into too much detail and my followers will probably murder me in cold blood for this shit, but im serious about this one like - i have some ideas, but i never have the motivation alone to like work whole-heartedly and finish one but like, at some point in the future id love to sit down and just go at it and make a game. Doesnt matter if its popular or big or small just i wanna make something that i love ya feel? I wanna like, go to newark, delaware. I know, its delaware and all, no one lives there, but ive met a bunch of cool people there and i was promised a donut run sometime, so lookin forward to that. Yknow that post awhile back that was like “i dont wanna be rich and like buy shit, i just wanna have enough money to throw at kickstarters whenever i want without having to strain on my food and rent costs” thats me. 100% Like i wanna have just enough money to be able to donate to cool people and watch them do cool shit - it wont always work out but thats fine, I just love shit. I wanna be able to donate like the high prize and fly out to meet these game studios for coffee and shit and just talk with em and see their passion and ideas. I love it. Im not actually really sure besides those. Like idk. I think itd be cool to enter a game tournament with my brother and win, but i doubt thatll happen and its not super like on my desires just itd be cool cuz we named ourselves Sora and Shiro after NGNL and to see that like, have us win would be great. Yeah. Ill make my fifth to think of a fifth one.

5 things on my to do list

FLOPPY DICKS i mean disks. Floppy disks. I do binding of isaac ab+ modding shit, and im currently working (its mostly done for what i want it to do) which adds a new consumable called floppy disks, effects are based on viruses, bugs, and just computer based shit. Like BSOD for instance, which makes the screen literately bluescreen. Or atleast look like it. Cant wait to watch people play with it. I gotta work on the programming class project too but honestly i dont waannnaaa. Like its cool as shit. Recreate a card game using c++ code. But man, i just love Apocrypha and Floppies so much more. Eat today???? Please. Dining hall opens in 3 hours. Its goddamn 4 am. I want my food. Dunno if ill get it - if ill stay awake till then. But i want it. Probably draw some stuff? Like i posted one drawing already (check it out if u wanna ;) kay?) but like theres wacom tablets here i can just kinda use whenever???? its great. I love being able to just draw stuff on em. Even if i suck at drawing, even if it took 10 hours to make the one i posted here, still love. Probably play more rocket league. Sleep first, soon as i get that food im CRASHIN BOI IM OUTTIE HA but uhh, rocket league has a halloween thing rn and i like playing it. Was playing earlier today and i matchd with a dude in 2v2 that had the same car, skin, AND colors set up as mine. Totaly random. We kicked some major ass together. I kept thinking of the same hat comic the entire time. (also my card was superior because it had furry ears on it ;))

5 things that make me happy

Getting an idea for a thing and working at said thing until like boom it went from this abstract idea to now it has a physical form and it works! And its fun and its great and i can share it with other people and they can have fun too!!!! that feeling is wonderful.  Obviously friends man. Just doing shit with people can be so great sometimes - like not all the time sure but like man. Its nice to talk to people and share experiences and just smile and tell bad jokes and have them groan but like it anyway like thats the shit. Going out at 2 am and walking to a nearby run down schoolyard and swinging on the swingsets and watching shooting stars burn up. Thats the good shit. Getting tents and setting em up in your friends back yard when your friend from far away comes up for a few days, and playing ridiculous games in a group like kick the can or fuckin zombie screaming your lungs out in the dark to freak em out, or just talkin around a fire about fuckin life man. The people make life great. Shits worth living for. I realize that last answer covered a LOT of shit but like, im just gonna add here videogames. Would be amiss if i didnt mention that, considering the rocket league rant above lmao. Yeah i better not make this category any longer.

5 things I’m (currently) into

Isaac modding, probably will be for awhile. Its good shit. As a suggestion from one of the people I work with (we also fuck around its a good time) i have started watching space dandy. Its a slow progress through lol like an episode or two a day but god man like its pretty ridiculous and the main character is pretty much everything i was expecting from seeing him everywhere. Rocket league again. It comes and goes with various different games to tide me over, give me a break from working. Bout 2 months ago or so said relaxing time was dominated by anime - i suddenly went on like a massive streak of watching shit. By that i mean, i watched all of hunter x hunter in like 2 weeks, among other shows prior to it. But yeah. Fuck man HXH I LOVED THE KING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I have too many emotions about that. I wrote a rant to the Groupchat (tm) about the fucking battle and how everything is in slow motion but it fucking like makes it like foreshadowed and have so much of an impact and still so much fucking happens even while everything runs at super slow mo just GOD KLASFJBHUGHASFIUHIPJASK anyway. Yeah. Music, as always im listening to like constantly. Wireless headphones are a wonder for this, but uhh....i cant say im especially into any specific thing rn right? Like a bit ago i was super into joywave and then that faded out and now im just listening to whatever random shit, yknow? But I am into music in general. Its good. Art! A lot of times i dont do shit like for drawing right, like especially not in like pencil in notebooks but like, i sorta started doing a lot more art stuff? Like i had a period awhile back last year where i stopped using pencils and used only pens and i just loved the aesthetic of the ink like how it looked (funny how im doing the opposite of the fucking inktober though, huh?) but yeah im back into using pencils to draw shit occasionally. Im still terrible at drawing people (which is what i see mostly everyone drawing on tumblr lmao RIP) but its fun to sketch stuff out and just let my thoughts run and bounce to some music and shit right? Also the tablets. Especially with the tablets.

5 things people may not know about me (at least on tumblr)

I basically constantly wear sweatshirts, and they all have like earbuds where the strings go. All the earbud shits are broken pretty much, like occasionally they work (the one i have rn does) but like, i dont ever really use them? i have wireless headphones for my phone and a headset (because i need the mic for my computer) for said computer so like, idk. But yeah. I rarely take em off when im not home, and sometimes even when i am i just kinda keep em anyway? (also just now i realized i talked in the section for room shit about all the stuff in my current dorm, my room at home has all KINDS of wierd fucking shit in it. Really missed an opportunity there.) Like many people i like to stay hydrated and shit, but drinking water all the time seemed like a chore more than anything so i got like drink mix ins and shit, mio’s or whatever offbrand version you can find at your local SUPERSTORE CONGLOMERATE. I drink em like all the time pretty much so atleast im health in one way :P. Also gummy vitamins. I dont excercise but you can only ask for so much. Idk, its hard to think of things for this section because tumblr knows so little about me yknow? Like i never make my own posts or shit like its SUPER rare so im pretty much just tryna find random facts but that might not be interesting? Like i have a bad habbit of like talking way too loud when im excited about something right? Not quite yelling but like getting there and like idk. See? Thats not super interesting but it is something no one online would be able to really know ya feel? Idk. I mean physically im kinda fat as you do, but im also like wierdly strong? Like for someone who never works out i sure do have arm strength if nothing else lmao. My endurance is shit tho. Honestly? I can only blame it on osu and groceries. Osu is just a game i like where you mash buttons to the beat of weaboo shit tier music. The groceries is just because like, well, my policy is Least Trips Possible which means carrying in 13 bags at a time if need be it, fuck it milk too? And a watermellon? Bring it. 

Who am I tagging? Idk man. Just for shits and stuff tho i do wanna tag @theoriginalyami just to see what all’s changed in teh long time since i actually went to fill it out :P Dont feel like you have to add as much as me tho omg @milkchocolateowl because honestly? love you. Think about you a lot, just like glad im mutuals with that ray of sunshine. Good. @fantaledfish <3 (this is the friend i mentioned earlier, runs a QUALITY blog i guarantee it, better than mine for sure) @dragonfucker-supreme always top in my notes, a silent bond, like two guards assigned to watch back to back in the early dawn. Birds gather round. I can only tag so many people (i set myself a limit of 5 because...idk why i just mentally it felt right) so for my last trick gotta go with @ask-oncies-jizz like cmon man name changes for the win, also has quality icons and quality shitposts tbh, supreme top meme. Have fun yall.

[tubeteevee]

so i have this old cartridge copy of pokemon blue, i’ve had it for at LEAST 11 years and i got it used so it’s never been in the best condition. it’s started just sorta corrupting itself from age, i’m pretty sure thats just something gen 1 games do normally they arent very well made. the game usually runs fine but sometimes on rare occasions it just does something bizarre. 

anyway so maybe 4 or 5 years ago i was just sitting in my kitchen playing it for no reason really. by this time the game had been beaten for a really long time, so there wasnt much to do gameplay-wise i was really just wandering around catching pokemon. so at some point i decided i needed some more rare candies and did a regular old man glitch for item duplication, like just an average missingo encounter nothing really big (like, nothing abnormal happened at all i honestly doubt this missingno had anything to do with what happened later it was just a coincidence). after i was done i wasn’t really sure what to do, so i just surfed off to the right from the coast of cinnibar off towards where the seafoam islands are.

at this point i realized i was hungry, so i stopped surfing and kinda just left the game sitting there while i went to get a snack. by the time i got back and looked at the game this text box had popped up? except? there werent words in it? it was like pieces of what looked like a sprite of a rock. i didnt think much of it really, like of course i was confused but this particular game really doesnt work the best so i wasn’t worried? so i hit A and closed the text box.

then the game?? started a trainer battle?? like just. it just happened. there were no trainers around i was just sitting there in the water. i really had no idea what to do so i just decided to fight. i remember it was like a beauty with one seaking, it was around level 20. the battle went on pretty normally? there were no problems with the music or graphics it just ran like a normal battle. i won pretty quickly since she only had one pokemon. i dont remember if she said anything afterwards. after the battle instead of going back to the overworld the game just froze up and started making a humming noise.

anyway that was like the second weirdest thing i ever had happen to me while playing pokemon. i have never been able to recreate it i literally have no idea what caused that to happen at all.