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absentlurker · 2 years

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Welcome to my huge dumpster post for all the blackbonnet fics that I always bookmark on Ao3 but never can find afterwards cause I don’t ever tag anything in my life. All these stories I’ve genuinely enjoyed so I hope you enjoy as well.

This is by no means an exclusive list. I’m still working on updating whenever I can. There’s so many good stories out there, bro. Like damn.

Most if not all of these stories are complete because I can’t stand work in progress stories because I am impatient and need an ending now.

❤️ = love

⭐️ = favorite

Reunion fics everyone and their grandma has written because honestly they love us:

If you love someone by Yuu_chi ⭐️

Teen | 13,726 | Complete

Edward's already lost him once. He won't make the same mistake again. Blackbeard takes a prisoner. Or he would, if Stede would only act like one.

#Prisoner!Stede #kinda? #Edgoingalittlemental #justatad

Marooned by a Dead man by Elisahni ⭐️

Teen | 5,689 | Complete

“You came back,” said Ed dryly as dead-by-piano Stede side-stepped him to take a jab at Ed that nearly met. Where had Stede learned to fight like that? Stede didn’t reply; there was no cute callback, not even a smile. Well, that was fine. Ed didn’t like cute anymore anyway, and he certainly did not like Stede crushed-by-a-carriage Bonnet. In which Stede tries very hard not to love a mad man, Lucius gets the last word, and Ed and Izzy try their hands at boatbuilding.

#marooned!Ed #marooned!Izzy #competent!Stede #angst #happyending

tell a sinner from a saint by marquis

Teen | 13,013 | Complete

Stede waits until he can hear the loud stomps of strangers coming down the steps to the lower decks. Then he opens the tiny metal door in the wall and leans forward to press his mouth to the circular opening.

“Who dares,” he coos, drawing out the vowels, “disturb my slumber?”

Someone shouts. Others follow. The noises all carry and echo throughout the ship without an identifiable source and distort until they’re unrecognizable, wordless howls in the walls.

“Get out!” Stede shouts. “Get out while you still can!”

And then Black Pete begins to giggle, so Stede has to replace the cover and halt the operation entirely. “Really, Pete,” he hisses, “please be professional.”

(A post-season one fix it, sort of, where Stede becomes the pirate captain he was always meant to be and Blackbeard isn't fond of having a rival.)

#legitpirate!Stede #Competent!Stede

ten fathoms deep on the road to hell by Vulcanodon ⭐️

Explicit | 18,816 | Complete | series: Red Sky At Morning

The British aren’t too happy about the contract being broken on the Act of Grace and this time Stede Bonnet gets to be the one coming to the rescue.

“Stede,” Ed says and then buries his head in Stede’s neck, his chin bristly against the soft skin. “This is real yeah? I’m not fucking dead or something?”

“No one’s dead,” Stede says firmly, petting his head. “Though that does remind me we are in a certain amount of peril right now.”

“Oh fuck, right,” Ed says, looking up. “So this is a rescue then?”

“Well, yes,” Stede says, trying not to feel offended. “Did you think it was a conjugal visit?”

Ed shrugs.

#prisonbreak #competent!Stede #romance

i won’t be falling on my knees to beg you by Hymn

Explicit | 8,802 | Complete

“You made your choice,” Edward insists. “You don’t get to unmake it, Stede. What’s done is done, don’t you know?”

“Ah. I learned that lesson rather recently, yes,” Stede says, very softly.

The expression on his face isn’t fair, Ed thinks. It hurts to look at, all soft and yearning and difficult to resist. The kind of look that makes him angry because of how it also makes him weak. Ed clears his throat, twitches again. Locks his knees tight and clamps his jaw shut, glaring at Stede. The ship keeps sinking beneath them.

“What I also learned,” Stede murmurs, shifting his weight forward. His empty hand comes up, palm open and reaching. “Is that I can be brave. I can be stubborn. I can fight for the life that I want so very, very badly, Edward Teach.”

Ed’s mouth dries. “Y-yeah? And what’s that?”

Stede smiles crookedly. “You.”

#gettingbacktogether #dancing #fluff #hurt/comfort #crying

i’ll recover if you keep me alight by elegantwings

Teen | 4,053 | Complete

It’s almost comical, that someone’s kidnapped Blackbeard and left him on the floor of a dinghy with only his hands tied. Maybe they mistook his drunkenness for a stupor (as if he’d be so lucky), because he’s fully dressed, gun and knife in place, both the obvious and the hidden ones. And he’s always got his teeth, which is enough if they get close enough.

There’s a month of beard underneath the greasepaint, but maybe the kidnapper really is stupid enough not to realize it’s Blackbeard they’ve got restrained on their little boat. Better to wait, keep them settled in a false sense of security until Blackbeard’s ready to strike. It’s got nothing to do with the way Ed’s head throbs and spins, even with his eyes still squeezed tight.

Stede takes Blackbeard prisoner. Ed's always been at his mercy.

#makingup #crying #kidnapped!Ed #prisoner!Ed #kinda?

a simple question by tediousdelusion

Not Rated | 4,327 | Complete

Stede stands and clears his throat. He reaches to adjust his non-existent ascot. "Gentleman, we are in need of a ship. Now, do any of you know where we may be able to procure one without the aid of any, well, funds, as it were?"

"That's stealing." Black Pete runs his hand over his eyes, as if to will away a dawning migraine. "To get something 'without the aid of funds' is stealing. Or, as some call it, piracy."

"Quite. A good thing, then, that we are pirates."

Or, Stede and the (marooned) crew commune with seagulls, sew a flag, and (re)find true love. In that order.

#fixit #bitofangst

Half agony, half hope by lyricl

Explicit | 34,535 | Complete

The first letter appeared only a few weeks after Stede left him alone on that beach. Ed burnt the first, and the second, and the third. But they kept coming.

Or: how Edward Teach got a pen pal, reunited with an old friend, lost a first mate, gained a new one, learned something about seagulls, asked for some fashion advice, found Stede Bonnet, found himself.

#letters #angst #happyending #edhasapenpal #mysterymailservice

i see your face across the sea by winterkill

Mature | 6,115 | Complete

Ed looks at Stede and through him, straight to that gnarled bit of words he can’t dislodge. No one has ever seen Stede like that. There’s a malice, a wariness, in the downward turn of Ed’s mouth.

“So you’ve got nowhere to go?” Ed crosses his arms, “You want your ship back.”

“I want to be on my ship with…with you.”

Our ship. Co-captains. Friends. More than friends.

#gettingbacktogether #soft #hurt/comfort

Together again by Ava1on ❤️

Explicit | 16,087 | Complete

Stede returns to the Revenge. Blackbeard's afraid to get hurt again and reacts before he thinks.

#shot!Stede #loveconfessions #fixit #kinda? #getbacktogether

How do you heal a broken heart? by Torathecat

Mature | 17,938 | Complete

Indifference.

Stede expected so many things when he finally managed to return to the Revenge, but that wasn’t one of them.

Maybe this is his penance?

#kindamean!Ed #he’sjustemotinallyhurting #emotionallyhurtingstede #fluff #angst #makingup #gettingtogether

The Flag Means More by cortexikid

Teen | 5,775 | Complete

Stede watched as the stranger leaned up and kissed Ed on the lips, his heart aching.

“Farewell, Stede Bonnet.”

He blinked, hand trembling at his side.

“Stede Bonnet is dead. I don’t go by that name anymore.”

He could feel Ed's eyes on him, the silent question lingering between them.

“It’s Stede Teach now. You said once that I should make up new names, cool ones, so I thought about combining ours like Blackbonnet or Blackstede or Gentlebeard…but I settled on the one that had the nicest ring to it. Yours.”

#gettingbacktogether #jealousy

can i try again? by roughday

Teen | 3,821 | Complete

Stede knows he may never get Ed’s forgiveness, and if he does it won’t be nearly as easy at it was for him to forgive Ed. But he is thankful for Ed, for his love for Ed, all the same. And he’s okay with that.

#gettingbacktogether #pining

Take the Long Way Home by stereobone

Explicit | 4,535 | Complete

When Stede finally finds Ed, the man is about to attack a Spanish naval ship, so things are worse than he anticipated.

#edgoingoffthedeepend #crying

Here With You by kipli

Explicit | 18,792 | Complete | series: Here

Ed narrowed his gaze. He grabbed Frenchie by the front of his shirt to wrench him aside but before he finished the action there was the most haunting, horrific, insane, incredible sound.

“Ed! Edward! I have come to beg you to allow me to speak with you.”

His whole body did remarkable, distressing things in all directions all at once at the sound of Stede's voice. He roughly shoved Frenchie out of the way and stared dumbfounded at Stede in a boat along with those they'd marooned. He stood at the bow, arms outstretched in his overly dramatic plea.

#fixit #fuckery #inexperienced!Stede #angst #fluff

I’m Glad I Spent It With You by soft_october

Teen | 3,979 | Complete

Two days later, an extremely overcrowded rowboat and its sunburned crew and captain arrive alongside The Revenge.

#firsttime #fixit #loveconfessions

on salty, waves, of faraway seas by Skyuni123

Mature | 12,180 | Complete

stede and edward find their way back to each other, a few mutinies and conversations at a time.

#fixit #firsttime #healing

absolute lithops effect by thinkimkrakenup

Explicit | 10,297 | Complete

Ed mechanically reaches for something he’s kept on purpose: a little potted fern, the one that saved Stede’s life once, the one that supposedly made him a pirate. Ed’s been keeping it watered and relatively happy in the window, because of course Stede fucking Bonnet put a window in a closet. Of course he did. Light everywhere.

He grips it by its little handle and putters back into the main room, sitting at the desk, placing the plant carefully in the center of it.

“Too bad he couldn’t take you with him,” Ed mumbles to the plant, who, shockingly, doesn’t reply. “Maybe you could have saved him a second time.”

In which Lucius reveals that he's alive, and convinces Ed that Stede must be, too. Another reunion fic, but this time, there's only tears of relief.

#crying #cute #thankgodforLucius

Retirement:

it will be worth by InkandOwl ❤️

Mature | 1,879 | Complete

Oh.” Ed looks out to the sprawl of land, their friends milling about like the most lackadaisical group of livestock he’s ever seen, but mostly at Stede. Leaned intently in towards Jim while they tell him about their latest adventures into the tropics. “Sometimes I’m afraid I’ve caged a bird.”

“Hmm.” Lucius looks out towards Stede and claps his hands atop his knees, “You think Stede would prefer whatever the fuck it was we were all doing before over this?”

“Piracy?”

Lucius shakes his head aggressively, “That wasn’t piracy, no, no. That was a shit show.”

Ed, Stede, and realizing that happiness is the adventure

#retirement #domesticbliss #cute

The World That Borders the Sea by thereluctantrose

Teen | 7,725 | Complete

I’m not made for cold,” he grumbled.

“But you are made for me,” Stede grinned, leaning into Ed’s shoulder, “And I reckon I’m more than enough to keep you snug in the depths of December.”

What can a man say to that, exactly? When the sun tells you it can provide, who are you to doubt its capacity for warmth?

#retirement #aging #domesticbliss #gdretirementficsaremyjam

Thus Have I Had Thee, as a Dream Doth Flatter by DaraOakwise

Mature | 31,313 | Complete

Settled into quiet retirement, Stede remembers how he got here, and struggles to find a way to tell Ed that he’s going to leave. Again.

#thisonemademecry #captainEdwards!Stede #Competent!Stede #bittersweetending

Alternate Universe :

Modern:

Doing Hard Time by Rhapsody_Bohemia ⭐️

Mature | 35,869 | Complete

Stede Bonnet’s life took an unexpected turn when he was arrested on two counts of first-degree murder.

But the surprises didn't end there. His cellmate was the notoriously violent bank robber, Blackbeard.

It would take all of their combined cunning, and quite a bit of luck, to formulate and execute an escape plan.

But first, Stede thought, something really needed to be done about the quality of the prison uniforms. (The Shawshank Redeption AU that no one asked for.)

#prison #prisonbreak #cellmates #thisoneissoamazing

The Bikers of Barbados by Kyriea

Teen | 26,160 | Complete

In the modern island of Barbados, Stede Bonnet finds himself "Captain" of the Bikers of Barbados Bicycle group. What he doesn't realize though, is that "Bikers" aren't just limited to bicycle riders, and his quiet rides are disturbed by the roar of a Harley Engine. OR: Stede Bonnet and Ed Teach are members of Biker clubs, with very different meanings.

#bikergangs #fluff #thisoneiscute #miscommunication #oblivious!Stede #angst #happyending

this tired world could change by gangnamstiles

Explicit | 94,526 | Complete

One summer day, two unlikely paths cross in the alley behind Bonnet Group’s towering skyscraper: Stede is at the end of his rope, and Ed’s just taking a smoke break. Of course, after they’ve become inseparable, Ed’s past catches up to him as Stede tries to find a way out of his own obligations, and the solace they’ve found in each other is threatened.

#drama #angst #happyending #smoking #PTSD #kidnapping #attemptedmurder #fluff #recovery #badmintons😡

Pride and Joy by Sarah_hadeschild

Explicit | 20,292 | Complete

In his second year of graduate school, Stede Bonnet decides he's done hiding his identity. He's ready to go to Pride, and to feel the support of a wider community. He'd expected to find a lot of conflicting emotions at the bar that night, but nothing could have prepared him for the wide-eyed fisherman with gentle hands.

#pride #firstkiss #firstmeetings

Checking Out by shieldmadenofmithrilhall

General | 5, 387 | Complete

“There’s no card catalog. I looked. Can’t be a proper library without a card catalog.”

Lucius sighed and looked over at Stede. “Boss, I’ve found you a friend.”

“I guess that’s my cue,” he said, holding out his hand. “Stede Bonnet. Librarian.”

Or: Stede and Ed meet in a library and agree that every library needs a card catalog.

#librarian!Stede #biker!Ed

keep on loving you by karl_jenkins

Mature | 49,478 | Complete

Stede Bonnet is 43 years old, divorced and living on his own for the first time. One night he ends up in Blackbeard’s Bar, seemingly unaware of the reputation of the place and its owner. For Edward Teach, it’s love at first sight.

#Bartender!Ed #pining #divorced!Stede #loveatfirstsight #fluff #lilbitofangst #babygay!Stede

Tattoo shop/Flower shop AU:

Carnations and Lighthouses by BerityBaker

Explicit | 26,031 | Complete

Ed is fascinated by the new tattoo place next door to his flower shop, especially the artist who hasn't got a single tattoo of his own.

#tattooartist!Stede #florist!Ed #firstdate #dancing #fluff

like a flower in bloom, how the ink flows over your skin by ChangetheCircumstances

Mature | 37,574 | Complete

Stede finds that being a convicted felon makes job searching near impossible when the owner of a flower shop takes pity on him and gives him a job. It starts as just Stede fulfilling the requirements of his parole. He certainly didn't agree to the offer with the thought the business and the people around it would change his life.

#fluff #angst #hurt/comfort #ConvictedFelon!Stede #FormerGangLeader!Ed

Stede met Ed at the docks/Ed and Stede both go to visit Mary:

Let’s Run, Run Away by Bedalk05

Teen | 6,789 | Complete | Series: No Strings on Me

After the confrontation in the woods Stede runs, leaving a broken-hearted Ed in his wake. But what if things went differently? What if Stede went to the docks? What if he told Ed everything? What would happen then?

#fixit #happyending #verycute #fluff

Fine Things by Caedmon

Explicit | 41,092 | Complete

Look at that,” Stede said softly, and Ed did. He looked down at the scrap of silk he’d carried in his pocket for the last twenty-some years, and how it was now folded neatly into a pocket square, probably the way it was always meant to be.

“You wear fine things well,” Stede said, looking at Ed as if supremely pleased with himself, and he was beautiful, so fucking beautiful in the moonlight.

He let out a little huff of a laugh, all he felt capable of, while his mind battered him like waves on the side of the ship. Nothing in his life, not one fucking thing, had ever prepared him for this moment. Nothing had ever been soft. He’d been chasing treasure for his entire existence, and he really, honestly thought that, fuck it all, he might have found it. The softness, the fine thing he’d been hunting his whole life, might be standing in front of him right now.

And Ed had always been a greedy bastard. He wanted more of it, all of it.

So without allowing himself a moment to think, he leaned forward and caught Stede Bonnet’s mouth in a kiss.

An AU in which Ed actually lands that kiss, and the story of what happens after.

#gettingtogether #firstkiss #firsttime #loveconfessions #bothgotomarys #happyending #canondivergence

The Only Way Out is Through by scarletjedi

Explicit | 24,882 | Complete

Ed hears the gunshot. It changes things.

#firsttime #lilbitofangst #happyending #fixit

He Painted the Stars in the Sky by Parrlen

Explicit | 24,382 | Complete

In which Stede goes to Ed on the dock, but doesn't immediately tell him what happened, and Ed starts freaking the fuck out about it.

Two middle-aged gay pirates have to figure out how to actually communicate with one another and reckon with their pasts at the same time.

#fluff #smut #angst #happyending #lackofcommunication #hurt/comfort #firsttime #Edmeetsthekids

In the Doldrums Waiting for Me by LaceFedora

Explicit | 29,544 | Complete

“Mary, I have to get to Mary."

He says and Ed feels an unpleasant jolt… Mary. There's that name again. After what he'd heard in the bunk today Ed had finally put together that it was Stede's wife… and really it was silly to be jealous of a woman Stede had literally left…

"Fuck okay… you lived here in Barbados right? She must not be far." Ed says and frowns, looking around. Thankfully it seemed like no one else had been drawn by the noise.

"Have to make it right… have to do something right for once in my life. I have to, I have to." Stede keeps babbling… he's in shock, Ed slowly realizes. He's seen shock do funny things to all sorts of people in his long career. He's seen them throw themselves off ships, walk right into a bullet or a blade. He wouldn’t let that happen to Stede.

#miscommunication #touchstarved!Ed #touchstarved!Stede #angst #happyending

Stranded on deserted island:

Wayfaring by Justkeeptrekkin

Explicit | 34,702 | Complete

The downside to being stuck on a desert island is that Stede's not awfully good at adapting. The upside is that he and Ed can finally have some peace and quiet– that is, if Ed ever wakes up from the gunshot wound in his stomach. Stranded in the middle of who-knows-where, Stede learns the art of reflection and how to embrace the man who looks back.

#firstkiss #firsttime #fluff #stranded #treehouses #pining #hurt!Ed #manoverboard

Time Loop:

and the seas are frozen in time by flashlightinacave

Mature | 12,340 | Complete

“I killed you,” Ed grits out. “I fuckin’ killed you and you’re fuckin’ dead!” His breathing comes out in short, ragged gasps, and Stede longs so badly to take him into his arms and hold him and tell him it’s all going to be alright. The need is animalistic, primal, and it pierces him, more painful than the blow from any sword. “Yesterday I—”

It’s that word—yesterday—that finally makes the pieces click into place, that helps Stede’s brain finally kick into gear.

Ed has officially joined him in his purgatory. Fuck.

or; Stede has lived the day of his failed reunion with Ed over and over again. It’s a purgatory, a punishment for his long list of sins, and he’s stopped trying to find an escape. That is, until Ed starts reliving the day as well.

#lovemeagoodtimeloop #kissing #bothEdandStedeinTimeLoop

weather the storm by one_more_page

Explicit | 10,000 | Complete

Ed runs, Stede follows. Ed stabs Stede, Stede comes back. They duel, they fight, they talk, no matter the encounter Ed wakes the next day with Stede's ship just on the horizon. He’s being haunted by Stede Bonnet.

OR Ed wakes up on the day Stede comes back over and over and over again.

#Edinatimeloop #angst #happyending

stede bonnet’s terrible, no good, very bad, very long day. by Skyuni123

Teen | 5,584 | Complete

Stede Bonnet is shot, on the island, by Chauncey Badminton. Then he wakes up.

#Stedeintimeloop

Daemons:

it’s what isn’t in the name by tciddaemina ⭐️

Mature | 41,022 | Complete

The first thing they see - apart from Captain Bonnet himself, all silked up and frilly and a sight in his own right - is the cat sitting primly by his ankles. She's a white, well-groomed thing, coat as pale and smooth as snow, with a delicate pink ribbon around her neck and a little golden bell hanging at her throat. And sure, she's a little big, on the large side as house cats go, reaching right up to his knee, and a bit leggy as well but the crew still takes one look at her and feel their estimation of their new captain drop another sharp couple of notches.

This, they think incredulously, is the man that proposes to be our fearsome pirate captain?

"My name is Captain Stede Bonnet," the new captain says proudly, sweeping an arm out in greeting, looking so pleased and chuffed and ever so slightly nervous to meet them. "And this is Miss Daisy Bonnet, though of course you may all call her captain as well."

"Two dubloons on a mutiny by the end of the week." Frenchie murmurs with a sharp bite of mirth. On his shoulder, Beauregard lets out a soft tittering laugh, the songbird's beak clicking.

"Not taking that bet." Pete replies snappishly, still glowering sullenly at the captain.

#hurt/comfort #happyending #childhoodtrauma #bullying #badmintons😡 #honestlyloveEdinthis #

i wish i could (and so does he) by OnyxSphinx

Teen | 8,872 | Complete

“Woah, woah,” says Ed, “calm down, man, you’re gonna burst a stitch.”

“I—sorry, just, have you—have you seen a, a butterfly? Mostly blue? I—” and he’s stuttering, in front of Ed, who he wants to impress even though he doesn’t really know why, how embarrassing, but the terror’s there like a vise around his heart and he doesn’t want to think about how Ed will probably be, at best, disgusted if he finds out, god, Stede hopes that Tel is fine, hopes he’s still mazarine blue—

“Ah,” Ed says, and looks, suddenly, a little sheepish. “This little gal?” He picks up a small bowl from the floor, holding it up to Stede. “One of your crew found her collapsed on your bed when we were bringing you in—picked her up and put her in the bowl so she wouldn’t get crushed. I’ve been watching over the both of you the past few days.”

#angst #happyending #ewStede’sFather

Gentleman with an Ermine by terraces

Teen | 4,023 | Complete

Post-finale. Stede and his dæmon have returned to the Revenge, where the wind has abandoned them and the heat has settled in. He wants more than anything to reach out to Blackbeard, but over the course of several late-night conversations, he finds that Ed’s childhood stories and fears may be more literal than he ever dreamed.

#reunion #angst #happyending #Angry!Ed

Non-Human/A Little Bit More Than Human AU:

Beastly Sea Things by Yuu_chi ⭐️

Mature | 12,093 | Work In Progress. (1/2)

The year of Stede’s thirteenth birthday, his father forbids him the sea.

#merman!Stede #fav #thisficisgood

the one where he really is a kraken (between the legs) by draculard

Explicit | 1,029 | Complete

“How'd you get this, anyway?" asks Stede conversationally. "Cursed by a sea witch?"

"No. I mean, I don't think so."

"Half-octopus, half-human?" Stede guesses, and Ed is about to say no again when Stede casually runs his thumb over the outside of Ed's cock, and a low heat unfurls between Ed's legs, and he can't quite force his mouth to form words. "Or did you catch it from someone at port?" Stede asks, suddenly concerned.

"It's not a disease," Ed grinds out, his teeth gritted. "And it's not a curse, and I'm not half-octopus. It's a tentacle. It just... is."

"Oh?" says Stede. "Well, that's good to know."

#kraken!Ed #kinda? #fluff #smut

Sing Me Awake by Bedalk05

Mature | 28,264 | Complete

While pirates might be more willing to believe in the mythical and fantastical than the average human, Ed still didn’t expect to witness literal proof of magic board his ship and promptly befriend him, let alone learn that the tales his mother used to tell him were all true. At first he thought the gods were playing a joke on him. (Really? The kraken?) But Stede was nothing like what Ed imagined. And he certainly didn’t imagine falling in love.

“Naked,” Ed found it important to point out numbly as the now human-shaped creature worked to stand. His broken brain valiantly attempted to process the fact that the monster straight out of a nightmare had transformed into what could arguably be called a man, complete with soft blond hair sans horns. But he was still far from human. Though he now possessed human-looking skin, dark teal scales still spiraled up and down his body and a stray tentacle waved through the air before retreating into his fucking back what the actual fuck.

#gettingtogether #kraken!Stede #fluff #hurt/comfort #protective!Ed #foundfamily #lilbitofangst #protective!Stede

a love that echoes through the distance by OnyxSphinx

Teen | 16,872 | Complete

Ed finds the pelt in a chest hidden beneath the sink in the bathroom past the auxiliary closet weeks after marooning most of the crew. With nothing else of Stede's left, it becomes the one thing that he can turn to for comfort, the last reminder of the man who left him—though he has no idea just how true the tie between it and Stede is. Or: the one where Stede's a selkie, and in some ways, it changes everything.

#selkie!Stede #angst #happyending #recovery #miscommunication

Just some good stories, fam:

All That Glitters by Vulcandon ⭐️

Explicit | 17,367 | Complete | series: Red Sky At Morning

Featuring cursed treasure chests, storms, meringues, the disastrous results of Ed's attempt to take a turn playing sugar daddy, and a particularly foulmouthed parrot.

“Well I'm not touching it," Frenchie says, crossing his arms. "Bad luck, curses. Right up there with whistling, women, Fridays…”

“I think we understand,” Stede says hurriedly but Frenchie seems to be getting into a roll now, ticking them off on his fingers as he goes.

“Trimming your nails, trimming your nails on a Friday…”

“Very bad that one,” Buttons says, nodding. “Aye. Knew a lad who got his throat slit for that.”

“Redheads, clergyman, killing albatrosses…bananas, obviously…”

“Okay that’s enough!” Ed snaps. “There’s no bloody curse.”

“But if anyone wants to give up their share,” Stede pipes up, “We will of course, understand.”

#curses #hurt/comfort #adventure #establishedrelationship #competent!Stede

Trials of the Marauders by BirdestofBrains

Mature | 54,400 | Complete

Everyone in the world has a magical ability – Some sort of a knack. For a lot of people, that knack involves small talents – Like tying one’s shoe perfectly every time, or having the exact amount of change on hand for any given moment. To be a pirate, though, your knack has to be powerful. Controlling the tides, or summoning a storm to hinder your opponent.

Every year, the fae invites all the pirates of the land to compete in the Trial of the Marauders, a ruthless test of power and wit to find the best of the best.

Blackbeard has won every year for nearly a decade. He's planning on winning again. But after an incident with the English, he finds himself down a ship. Luckily there's guileless Captain Bonnet ready to offer his own ship for the taking. Borrowing. Yes, the borrowing.

It'll be easy to convince the crew to mutiny, and Blackbeard will be sailing under his own colors again, ready to win it all. Right?

#magic #trials #fae #slowburn #magicalpowers #lovestedeandedinthis

An Awfully Big Adventure by trinityofone

Teen | 16,051 | Complete

After Ed's grief takes a mysterious turn, the crew of the Revenge finds itself trapped on a cursed isle. In order to rescue his captain, Izzy—the only one who hasn't fallen victim to the place's spell—is forced to team up with the very last person he would choose: Stede Bonnet.

#ageregression #poorIzzylol #ilovethisone #sogood #happyending #Clever!Stede #weirdisland

The course of true love never did run smooth by nebulas

General | 131,103 | Complete

Blackbeard finds some interesting underlined sentences and notes in Stede's books. Who is the co-captain deeply in love with? Why are the crew holding a secret betting contest that he isn't allowed to know about? Blackbeard hates secrets. Almost as much as Stede's secret paramour.

#fluff #lilbitofanidiot!ed

put me back together by ShowMeAHero

Teen | 4,219 | Complete

Stede can’t help crying out in pain, in the next beat, finally giving in when an instinctive sound comes up. It’s loud, and the crew goes dead silent around him.

Stede doesn’t even notice. He’s just trying to breathe, skin tugging painfully, when a door bangs open at the opposite end of the ship.

“What the fuck was that?” Ed demands from afar, voice heard easily over the crash of the sea around them. “Was that Stede? Where the fuck is he?”

“Oh, no,” Lucius says quietly.

“If you jump overboard, babe, I swear I’ll come back for you,” Black Pete promises him.

or: lucius accidentally gives stede a flesh wound, and ed loses his mind like they're not all pirates.

#domestic #crewasfamily #lilbitofangst #fluff #accidents #hurt/comfort

separating salt from water by morian

Mature | 6,082 | Complete

“Hey." Ed reaches across because it's the only thing that feels right. He grasps Stede's wrist and smoothes the pad of his thumb across his knuckles. Stede stops fiddling with his ring and looks up at him, wide-eyed. "This isn't Captain shit. This is God shit. Are you God?"

The room is blank with silence.

Gently, Ed repeats, "Are you God, Stede?"

Stede's voice is thin and high when he answers, "I'm not God."

"And is God here, in this room?"

Comically, Stede looks around like he might find God perched on the edge of his desk, or pulling books from his shelves to examine the spines.

"He's not," Stede concedes.

"That's right, mate. Stupid bugger doesn't associate himself with pirates."

Or: The Revenge has been becalmed for six days. Ed has bigger things to worry about, like sharks and being in love.

#sharkhunting #becalming #edgoin’crazycauseofstede #lilbitofoblivious!Stede

Talk It Through by Calminaiel

Explicit | 6,142 | Complete

Lucius thinks it'd be funny for the crew to weigh in on Captain Bonnet's relationship woes. It goes better than expected.

#fluff #firsttime #talkitthroughasacrew #happyending #lilbitofangst

A Treasure Too Valuable to Surrender by actualvarric

Teen | 5,824 | Complete

Stede and Ed meet a dashing thief whose only objective, it seems, is to steal Stede's heart. This troubles Ed, because, well... it's working. Ed has to come up with a plan to steal him back before it's too late! (Or: What if it was Stede and a suitor in 1x08 instead of Calico Jack and Ed?)

#Jealousy #Jealous!Ed #gettingtogether

dreams made real by petrichorca ❤️

Mature | 3,257 | Complete

Stede Bonnet meets a familiar-looking boy picking flowers in a meadow.

#kid!stede #ilovethisone #flowers

Bones Adrift by Skriforces ❤️

Explicit | 15,379 | Work In Progress (2/6)

The Revenge spots a drifting, seemingly abandoned ship. Is it haunted, overrun by demons, or full of vampire-mermaids? Probably none of the above, Ed and Stede think, though some of the crew have different ideas. There does seem to be something wrong about that ship though. It warrants some investigation.

#ghoststory! #horrorstory! #soexcited! #ilovethisone #pining #fluff #adventure #gettingtogether

Hurt!Stede

I Couldn’t Reach You in Time by RiverKaze

Teen | 6,040 | Complete

What if Chauncey wasn't so inebriated as to have shot himself in the head immediately? What if Izzy did get thrown overboard? What if...?

#shot!Stede #hurt/comfort #happyending #angst

damn your love, damn your lies by ObsessedWithFandom

Teen | 7,031 | Complete

What if Badminton pulled the trigger?

#shot!Stede #angst #happyending #gettingtogether

The Rest of it by thebisexualbanshee

Not Rated | 9,271 | Complete

Blackbeard leaned his elbows on the railing at the bow of the Revenge, fiddling with the neck of a whiskey bottle and staring at the encroaching storm. They were sailing straight for it, but it would hit them even if they weren’t; the wind was hard and fast—inescapable. No matter. He’d weathered worse. This storm would be no different. After all, he wasn’t really Edward anymore. Definitely not Ed. He was Blackbeard again. And Blackbeard never loses. But Ed does. Ed did. Stede Bonnet was dead.

#shot!Stede #hurt/comfort #gettingbacktogether #angst

our blood is thicker than storms and saltwater by ShowMeAHero ❤️

Mature | 10,835 | Complete

“No!” Ed screams instinctively. He doesn’t know what’s happened, but he knows he’s heard a gunshot, and he knows Stede’s hands are slipping out of his, and he knows, a second later, that Stede’s let go of the railing to fall into the sea below.

Somebody grabs onto Ed’s shoulder, but he wrenches them off of him without a second thought. He wrestles his boots off, then his weapons, but he doesn’t care to tear off anything else— there isn’t time for it, not now, not when—

“Captain, don’t!” Frenchie shouts behind him.

Ed ignores him. The Revenge doesn’t have a captain if Stede Bonnet’s not on board.

#angst #happyending #fluff #drowning #domestic #hurt/comfort

my smile’s an open wound with you by hanlonbirds

Not Rated | 4,151 | Complete

Stede chuckled to himself despite it all. He wasn't a pirate, he was a little rich boy playing pretend. Well, look where it got him. This was the closest he’d ever been to being an actual pirate, locked in a dim cell awaiting his death. Stede allowed his eyes to fall closed again. Or, Stede was kidnapped and Ed would tear the earth apart to find him.

#protective!Ed #kidnapped!Stede

Bonny Bonnet & Blackbeard by Harley_Quinn09876

Explicit | 47,811 | Complete

Ed runs into an old friend of his, Anne Bonny, who informs him that Ed's old captain, Hornigold, has turned pirate hunter and has captured Stede as well as Anne's own partner Mary Reed.

The two agree to work together to perform a prison break, but once rescues are made, that's when the real hurt and healing begins.

#romance #fixit #angst #hurt/comfort #trauma #impliedtorture #recovery

all that I am led me to you by profdanglais

Teen | 15,708 | Complete

For ten years, Mary Allamby Bonnet has barely given any thought to her "late" husband Stede. She's been far too busy enjoying her life as his wealthy widow. Until the night that Stede appears at her door, badly wounded, in the arms of the most feared pirate in history.

Until that moment Mary had never truly believed the Wanted posters that claimed Stede as a "known associate" of Blackbeard's. Yet here he is, in her home, less the legendary pirate captain than simply Stede's Ed, a man terrified of losing the love of his life. He won't, though. Not if Mary has anything to say about it.

#hurt/comfort #mary!!!! #ed&maryfriendship #shot!stede #lowkeyed&stederetirement

Just smut, my guy

Close Quarters by FortinbrasFTW

Explicit | 4,236 | Complete

“The fuck?” Ed manages, instantly getting his foot stuck in a nearby bucket.

“Sh-shh!” Stede pushes two fingers against his lips to shut him up.

Ed goes still and a bit cross-eyed, staring down at the hand on his mouth. Stede moves it away, with a mouthed “sorry!” focusing intently on the sounds outside the shed instead.

In the alley, hurried steps and shouting voices rush past; they catch fragments of: “Where the fuck did they go then?” or “Keep looking!” and even “The short one looks like a bloody birthday cake, how do you lose that—”

#smut #trappedinacloset #tightspaces #hairpulling #firstkiss #gettingtogether

Rough Winds Do Shake by HeckinaHandbasket

Explicit | 4,148 | Complete

He returned with the book, tapping it on Ed’s leg as he reclaimed his seat in the chair. “I’ve always been rather partial to a sonnet, myself. Though they’ve often left me feeling somewhat melancholy.”

They’d often left him filled with longing, left him feeling empty, and strange, as if he were missing something vital to the human experience. He loved them, still. Pain was the price of beauty, after all.

Stede glanced up at Ed, smiling at the effortlessly lovely picture he made, backlit by a dozen candles. “Although, I wonder, now, if it might be different.”

Ed shifted on the arm of the chair, throwing his own arm over Stede’s shoulders to peer at the book. “Different, how?”

Without thinking, Stede bumped his forehead against Ed’s shoulder, joyful honesty bubbling out of him like seafoam. “Well, with you, of course. Everything is different with you.”

A deep, thoughtful line appeared between Ed’s brows as he examined Stede’s face. “Is it?”

#firsttime #blowjobs #oralsex

and let your hair hang down by Ark

Explicit | 3,112 | Complete

Stede exhales, warm breath stirring Ed's hair. "Again?"

"Stede," says Ed, "I'd sit on your cock all day for a chair and captain the ship like that if the option was available."

#roughsex #analsex #cute

rather exquisite by leaveanote

Explicit | 4,417 | Complete

Stede fucks him exactly once and Ed feels fucking wild with it the next day. So desperate to have him again he can barely think, and as nervous and excited as the moments after the first time they'd kissed. And, given how that wound up going, all the more anxious about losing him.

#analsex #oralsex #bottom!Ed #top!Stede #romance

#blackbonnet #ofmd #our flag means death #edward teach #stede bonnet #blackbeard #fanfic rec list #fic recs

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onmaplestreetagain · 2 years

Note

I want to know your Thoughts on how they handled the whole El and Brenner storyline

Oh this is such a good question because I do indeed have Thoughts! Of every storyline in S4, it’s the one I’m most undecided/conflicted about, or at least it’s in the most grey-area one. Overall I think they handled it well, in that they hit all the marks I hoped for, and that brought the most amount of narrative tension, namely the fact that they made it so El “needed” Brenner (though that was a little thin) to get her powers back. At least, there was a brief period of time where he had to play on the good side, even though he’s always been a villain, and El’s truest adversary. To me El’s storyline would’ve felt incomplete without facing Brenner again in some way, so I’m glad it happened, aside from the pain she was put through obviously.

I loved the flashbacks, I loved the entire Hawkins lab storyline, and the callbacks to S1 with El having to go back into the sensory tank, having to revisit everything and bring a part of her past full circle. I loved when she told him he was the real monster, that she knew & believed that, and had the courage to tell him — Millie’s acting in that scene was phenomenal. I think that was her first true moment of freedom from all Brenner put her through, and again, the callback to S1 when she told Mike “I’m the monster”, to now naming the truth of it to her abuser, was an unbelievably powerful full-circle moment.

With that said, my biggest issue with the handling of it is, I think, a symptom of the larger issue I had with S4 in general, which was that style sometimes got in the way of substance (there are obviously exceptions, but that’s for another post). I know this is a relatively small point, but the way they did the first meeting between Brenner and El felt SO strange and contrived and like a weird villain-music reveal from a corny action flick. I don’t know how to describe it, but something was so… oddly melodramatic and understated at the same time? And I’ve said this before, but I think Matthew Modine’s performance has a lot to do with it. He seemed to do much better in the flashback scenes, even, then in the present-day timeline — he was either too one-note, or his energy didn’t mesh with the scene or deliver the heavyweight impact it should’ve at times. I felt this most especially in his death scene; tonally, it felt off to me. Him begging El to say she understood should’ve been so much more impactful than it was, and maybe I was just ready for him to kick it lol, or it might’ve been the over the top helicopter scene preceding it, but idk, it didn’t land (at least on first watch).

I also felt a lot was unexplained or just missing from his re-introduction. We know he’d been hiding out somewhere, but who was protecting him? What had his and Owens’ relationship been up until that point? How exactly did he survive a Demogorgon pouncing on him back in S1? Why did he still have access to that underground lab? Again, I’m sure I’ll do a rewatch and it’ll be clearer, but honestly after the bunker was stormed by like 4 different groups of government agents, and Brenner and Owen’s interactions were weird and stilted, I couldn’t keep track. (That was a larger S4 issue for me as well — the fact that they felt real comfy giving us way too much screen time at like, Yuri’s fish n fly but couldn’t be bothered to spend time on more necessary details)

So yeahhhhh that was a long ass novel but basically, I think the structure was there, they went in the right direction, and I’m happy with the overall conclusion, but some aspects of it fell flat for me, tone and theme-wise. It also kind of sucked that El had to be separate for so much of the season yet again, and I don’t know if I buy the argument that they couldn’t have done it another way. What if the Cali group could’ve been more involved, maybe captured along with El? Again I love that it was her alone who had to face him, but still. Let our girl be with her people!

#answered #consider-the coconut #st4 #st4 asks #el hopper #martin brenner #stranger things 4 #long post #do we still need to tag long post now that there's like the 'expand' option #lol #sorry if this was jumbled and vague jhsjhf I had a lot to say and was too impatient to edit

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teresa-moyocoyotzin · 3 years

Text

short recap of my thoughts on 5x09

okay so i was gonna rewatch the whole episode and do a blow-by-blow reaction post but i’m not sure i’ll have time and i kinda wanna focus on watching my fave scenes from the show before tonight. also, everyone else’s reaction posts p. much sum up my thoughts lol

nonetheless, i just wanted to give my main takeaways on the episode a week later, in case anyone cares where i’m at going into the finale! gonna go over the things i liked first, anyone who wants to just remain positive and not see any salty takes might wanna just stick to reading the first part b/c i definitely rant a bit at the end lmao. we’re still having a fun time tho 😂

THINGS I LOVED

- i mean... i think we know LOL

- obviously. i loved james and teresa’s i love you scenes, and kisses, and OOF THAT SEX SCENE. if someone had told me we were gonna get that scene back in like 2017??? i probably would have started literally floating. i totally respect that people had very specific ideas of what they wanted out of those scenes and could have different feelings about it but NOT ME BABES I AM ECSTATIC!!! i did go into the episode with a ~feeling~ that we were gonna get at least one ILY in the episode, and i just had a feeling it would be james, or at least that he would say it first. i’ve already explained in my meta about the scenes why i think it makes sense that he said it first and why i love it that he did, so i won’t go into that here. but i went in having really no expectations for it other than that it was gonna happen! i was debating about whether it would happen really casually while they’re talking, or in like a big action scene, or really dramatic or what, and what i would prefer, and i came to the conclusion that i would love it no matter what lol, but i was really into the idea of james just. fucking. saying it. while they’re just talking about something really casually. so therefore i was pretty happy with it when we got sort of a mix! they’re talking about teresa’s insane death trap of a plan so there’s that drama of “i don’t want to lose you esp. not before saying ILY” kinda thing, but it’s also just. so simple and sure! and then teresa’s i love you is like the perfect scene for me where one character is super focused on something else (in this case, trying to protect the woman he loves! agh!) and the other is just like.. i love you!!!! SO GOOD

- let’s see, what the hell else happened in this ep?

- oh okay i really liked james and teresa’s vibes this episode, they were so focused on each other and had this very ride-or-die feeling about them like they knew that each of their plans was increasingly stupid and desperate and might not even get them where they wanna go, but they were IN IT TOGETHER no matter what 😭i wish we had gotten a callback to that line but at this point, i’m p. sure they Know they’re in it together, and we do too. so it’s okay. i love that teresa still asks his input and considers his opinions even if she does her own thing anyways haha

- oh on that note, i LOVED the moment where their plans to kill Kostya aren’t working and Teresa says something like “If I can meet with him in person, I can kill him myself” and James just has this LOOK that just is the epitome of the “I am in love with a women who is DESIGNED TO STRESS ME OUT” meme lol, it made me giggle, v classic QOTS moment

- oh and of course, I LOVED that scene with devon and james at the end!!!!!!!! i was also confused about how james was showing all his emotions in that scene esp. since he tries to be stoic about his feelings for Teresa around Devon, but now that i’ve read a few people’s thoughts about, it i’m fully on board w the theory that james and teresa already knew this was coming, b/c they’re smart, and b/c james knows devon wouldn’t have let him walk away to save Teresa at the beginning of the season without motivation (like having him in place to kill her when she’s no longer useful to the CIA) and THEREFORE james was sort of “overacting” to make it believable to devon (and the audience lol) that he didn’t know this was coming, didn’t want to do it, but felt like he had to, rather than the fact that they were already plotting a fake death. that makes a lot of sense to me and makes me really love all the layers to that scene. it does give me a little bit of hope that the finale ~teresa’s not really dead~ reveal will be at least a little well executed and not just shoved in at the very end. we shall see though!

- alright i think that’s what i loved about the episode, if u don’t wanna hear me bitching about the little things then u should probably stop here!! just have to get out some of my saltiness lol

THINGS I WAS ANNOYED ABOUT

- i’m just gonna get it out of the way, yes, i too was supremely annoyed at the amount of KA and Pote take suburbia; it was all 1000% predictable down to the raccoon and the cookies, and the point could have been accomplished in exactly 1 scene, maybe 2, certainly not like 10 or however many we got. whatever. ugh.

- okay. OKAY. chicho. we need to talk about chicho. i for one, am not mad that he called pote, my boy was stressed. I AM HOWEVER, mad at the writers for making pote come back after saying he trusted chicho to take care of teresa now. like. it totally devalued THE WHOLE THING!! imo, pote shoulda stayed his ass at home where we had to watch him settle all episode, and chicho should have gotten THE HERO MOMENT HE DESERVED (esp. cuz he’s on first name basis w teresa now??) which ALSO WOULD HAVE MADE THE SCENE WHERE TERESA GIVES CHICHO THE DISTILLERY AND THE BAR SO! MUCH! MORE! MEANINGFUL!!!!! or just made it make sense at all? like .... i’m just so confused by that whole plotline like what was the point? chicho does nothing but call pote and gets T’s whole legacy in NOLA?

- and don’t even get me started on how it makes ZERO sense that pote would have had to charge in at the last minute to save teresa when JAMES THE SNIPER W AMAZING AIM WHO IS LITERALLY. IN LOVE WITH HER. is standing outside like. ur telling me james and chicho (who again, is supposed to be her #2 after james now) just stood there like “oh hey pote yeah you go ahead we’ll wait here good luck” like WHAT also.. how did pote get past all the guards that made james stay outside? are we meant to believe pote is that sneaky? y’all. it just. doesn’t make sense. this whole plot situation maddens me more than anythings tbh UGH JUST MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

- oksana’s daughter..... what’s her name again? idk b/c we only MET HER THIS WEEK....okay this amuses me but i’m also annoyed b/c like. there were so many other women who could have taken that spot in the opening sequence... Lil T, Castel, hell even Isabela??? Like idk how they could have done it but they put so much effort into her plot in the first seasons that i really thought she was gonna end up w/ Teresa in the end.. idk that would have been kind cool, Camila’s two “daughters” eventually working their way out of the life together..again idk how they could have realistically done it but i really do wish it had been someone we met before. if it had to be someone new this season, they could have introduced her earlier instead of one of the seemingly dozens of random guys we knew for 1 episode before they died... like.. give her some depth please. is she even gonna be in the finale? honestly she better be after making us listen to pote welcome her into the family... like the family u were supposed to leave so u could have an actual baby pote? the family that’s literally dispersing as we speak? also.. since when did pote love oksana so much anyways? also...... just.. if teresa’s gonna have some sort of daughter figure or whatever she’s supposed to be, wouldn’t it make sense to have her be the one to give the big welcome to the family speech? idk y’all..... i’m amused but also baffled at the sheer lack of planning behind this. did no one realize they needed someone for the opening scene until like. halfway thru the season? did they plan to have it be castel but they couldn’t get her for filming (hence all the weird castel plots?) INQUIRING MINDS WOULD LIKE TO KNOW. it’s whatever tho lol

- i just hope that what’s-her-name gets a lil bit of plot in the finale esp. since otherwise it might just be pote running around being pissy (i don’t actually think that haha but i am a lil nervous that teresa won’t come back until the last few mins and i’ll have to spend all episode looking at boaz and devon and pote and KA.. i haven’t looked at any spoilers tho so i’m still hopeful! i will probably make a post about my hopes going into the finale a lil later, both realistic and unrealistic :)

#ik it's all been said before but i just had to get my feelings out before i could move on to the finale #the finale!!! wow.. crazy shit y'all #qots #queen of the south #jeresa #qots 5x09

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dukeofonions · 3 years

Text

Season Two Episode Ranking

Warning: I get very, very, very, critical in this ranking. Like, angry ranting that’s almost laughable. Should I be getting this worked up over an online series? Eh, probably not. But this is my life and I’ll get outrageously angry over whatever media I want.

Seriously though, this is all just my personal opinion. I’m not saying you have to agree with me and if you like the episodes that I don’t then that’s perfectly fine.

I tend to overthink things a lot and I spend most of my time analyzing every little details of this series because what else am I supposed to do at work?

So yeah, this ranking is definitely less positive than the one I did for the first season. But I hope y’all can still have some fun going over it! And if anyone does their own rankings be sure to tag me because I’d love to see them and see how mine compare!

Anyways, enough of me acting like this is more important than it is, on with the ranking!

I can’t believe season two only has 12 episodes. Now I went ahead and counted Moving On as one episode in this ranking since my opinions on both parts are pretty similar, but sweet cheese and fish this season started on September 1st, 2017 with Fitting in and right now is left on Putting Others First which came out on May 1st, 2020. And as of me writing this it is now May 2nd, 2021. It’s been a whole year since the last episode and we still have no idea when the finale is coming.

Like, bruh.

Also remember how the longest episode in season one was only about 15 minutes long and the shortest one was barely four minutes?

Well the shortest episode in season two is Crofters- The Musical which is 8:42 seconds. The longest episode is Putting Others First which is a whopping 51:09.

And I wish I could say that the writing was on the same level it was in the first season, but there’s a reason I put that warning up there.

Well, enough stalling, let’s get this ball rolling.

#11 Embarrassing Phases

There are no words in the English language that can describe the sheer amount of hatred I have for this episode. If I could rank this any lower, I would, which will happen once we finally get the season finale. I don't know how that episode will go but it'll definitely be better than whatever dumpster fire this was.

Like, okay. I have some positives. Roman, Patton, and Virgil's costumes were cool. I won't lie I live for vampire Virgil. And the message about embracing your past "phases" and exploring how they helped made you who you are. That's neat. I like that.

And that's it.

My biggest gripe with this episode is Virgil. He just acts like a complete bitch in this! And I don't mean that in an endearing way he's literally so mean for no reason!

He's all "You guys are trivializing my past!"

In response to them going "Hey Virgil, we're glad you're part of our group now and are proud of how far you've come!"

Like okay, even if it was insensitive to call it a "phase" literally there was no reason for him to get as angry as he did.

Just a simple; "Hey, I don't like it when you refer to what I went through as a phase because it feels like you're not talking it seriously."

Isnt that what this whole show is about? Communication???

It wasn't fun watching him just insulting the others, it was annoying!

Like poor Patton, just trying to help and be encouraging, only for Virgil to keep treating him like dirt.

What did I miss here? Virgil was fine in the last few episodes, so what the heck happened?

Oh and let's not forget the great advice Thomas offers Patton at the end of the episode in regards to handling Virgil: "Don't do anything to get on his bad side or else he'll do bad things to you!"

Okay I'm paraphrasing here but that's basically what he says! And since Virgil is supposed to be a representation of anxiety, this is a horrible message!!!

What happened to finding healthy ways to cope with your anxiety? What happened to keeping it in check so it didn't take over your life?

Yeah I'm definitely gonna make a full post about this one episode later because there's a whole lot more to unpack here. But yeah -10/10

#10 Putting Others First

There is just way too much going on with this episode. They try cramming so much in here that I don't even remember more than half of it.

I remember the opening song, then the Lilypadton fight and everything that happens from there. That's it.

And those are the best parts of this episode, but even that has problems because everything with Janus feels like a completely different episode.

Also the whole way they try to teach about morality is all over the place. How did we go from choosing a wedding over a callback to deciding whether or not you would die for your friends to self care is important?

And while the video game sequences, while utilized well in some places, were way too distracting and it felt like they were just trying to shove as many video game references in as they could.

You could take out just about all of them and the episode wouldn't change. Everything they were used for could have been done just through having the characters talk to each other, and knowing this makes the fact that this video was delayed for so long because of it just makes the whole thing worse.

Like the animations were well done, and I don't want to downplay the hard work the animator did. They were just doing their job after all.

But the trolley scenes (especially the second one) hurt my eyes with all the flashing (would have been nice to have some kind of warning for that) and some of the voice effects (especially on Logan's) were grating and distracting.

I want to rank this episode higher, but it has almost zero rewatch ability and honestly besides the ending, when I first watched this episode I was just kinda let down.

#9 Crofters- The Musical

Okay look, the song is a bop and I adore the fact that Logan and Roman got two episodes in the spotlight, but it's just kinda "meh" to me. Plus I get just a tinge of second hand embarrassment but that's just me.

And I know this is kinda unfair but another reason why this one isn't higher is because of a couple of things. One is that they set up some angst for Roman, he's clearly not doing well and Thomas thinks the best thing to do is tell him that he might get his own jam flavor.

Then he does, and instead of following up on that little plot point from this video, they just rushed out a commercial and completely ignored and potential story telling or character development for Roman.

So yeah "Return of the Jam" is the main reason why I don't like this one as much as I used to. And I actually just got an idea for a new post comparing these two so add that to my to-do list.

#8 Fitting In

I actually skipped this one during my first official watch through for one reason and one reason alone: I wasn't allowed to watch Harry Potter.

But I realized that my parents wouldn't approve of me of watching a gay man's content either so I just said screw it.

And luckily I understood enough Harry Potter references to get what they were talking about and honestly, this episode is a lot of fun.

It's a good follow up to Accepting Anxiety, and a nice way to kick off season two. Virgil is finding his place among the group and everyone is trying their best to make him feel welcome, it's really sweet.

And of course we get the new costumes (which i hadn't even noticed that they were wearing their old costumes at first) and I dunno it just gives off season one vibes and it makes me happy.

#7 Moving On Part One/Moving On Part Two

Yeah honestly my thoughts on both parts of this episode are the same. What can I say? It's really good.

This definitely one of the more emotionally heavy episodes in the series, and we see the characters at their lowest for really, the first time in this series.

I adore Patton's room and how each side gets their own corners. All the little details they add in, including the changing picture in the background, it really gives off that nostalgia feel they were going for.

What I love most about this episode is how (unlike some other episodes) they actually let the emotional moments sink in and don't throw in a joke immediately after. Like the ending is bittersweet, sad almost, and I love that they stuck with the mood up until the episode ended.

Not to say there weren't some jokes here and there (mostly in the first part) but once the mood shifts and things become more serious they let that mood stay. And when there are jokes they all work really well.

This is one episode I've actually watched the least out of season two, so it'll be interesting when I go watch it again to see if any of this holds up.

#6 Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning?

Honestly I only put this one above Moving On because Logan and Roman are my favorites.

This episode is actually one of the weaker ones, which hurts to say because again, favorite characters, but goodness it's all over the place. It feels like a precursor to POF and not in a good way.

Logan and Roman just basically argue back and forth throughout the whole episode, never seeing eye to eye with each other, to the point where I think think the writers realized they couldn't find a way to get these two to agree so they just had Thomas step in and be like, "You guys make a really good team!"

Dude, were you even paying attention? They never even reached a conclusion on their own. And even though they have their little moment at the end, it's all kinda ruined when nothing in their relationship changes.

Yes, in Learning New Things About Ourselves, they acknowledge that there's more work to be done in regards to them, which makes sense. People aren't going to suddenly change overnight.

Yet despite having come to some kind of understanding with each other twice now (both here and LNTAO) in the following episodes they still act like they hate each other! Heck Roman is downright nasty to him for seemingly no reason and I don't really blame him for it.

More like I think the writers just don't know how to develop their relationship and just aren't as interested in them as the others. Logan's been reduced to being Mr. Exposition and apparently Roman's personal issues aren't enough for him to carry a room episode on his own because they felt the need to introduce two new characters before he finally gets it.

Sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the episode.

There's some funny bits here and there and the little animations are cute (even if unnecessary) but really it's only saving grace is being Roman and Logan centered.

Even though they felt the need to include a cameo from literally every other character because apparently no one has any faith that Logan and Roman can carry an episode on their own.

#5 The Sanders Sides 12 Days of Christmas

This episode is just pure fun. Look, I'm not a big fan of Christmas, even less of a fan of Christmas songs, but my gosh this episode almost makes me appreciate the season.

The way they're all just bickering the whole time, being very confused, and how there's just so much personality from each character even when they're not talking/singing and just being in the background is *chef's kiss* perfect.

There's so many fun little details to pick out during the song and it's fun to go back and watch how each side reacts to different things.

#4 Selfishness vs Selflessness

Gonna be real, this used to be my favorite episode. Until my overly critical brain started finding all kinds of problems in the writing department but I think I’ve been negative enough on this post so I’ll save it for another time.

Janus steals the show in this one, it’s his first official appearance since his debut and he just soaks up the spotlight. It’s refreshing to have an antagonist in the show again, and he’s the perfect foil for each of the original Sides.

He knows how to play into Roman’s insecurities, know how to feed into his ego and get him on his side. He’s in direct opposition to Patton, who believes that everything Janus represents is wrong. He’s able to silence Logan and take him out of the conversation, speaking over him most of the time.

And I guess he and Virgil have some beef I dunno.

The courtroom scenario is fun, and I love how Janus is the only one who sees how ridiculous it is (even though it was your idea in the first place, Jan) and everyone else seeing it as perfectly normal is hilarious.

I do like some of the more dramatic moments in this episode, especially that final bit with Janus questioning Thomas until he finally gets him to admit the truth. It was intense and reminded me of the scene where Janus confronts Roman in a similar manner.

While far from perfect this is still a good episode and I can find a lot to love about it, like Janus in a suit.

#3 Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts

This episode scared the shit out of me and I loved it.

Okay it didn’t actually scare me. But I stayed up to wait for it to be posted, which wasn’t until 2 or 3 in the morning. So by the time I finally watched it I was half awake and not expecting anything that I witnessed.

The result was me being terrified of Thomas with a mustache and it prevented me from sleeping. I was over it the next day though and had Forbidden Fruit stuck in my head all day. Which isn’t good when you’re running the register at work and you can’t stop singing it.

There’s a lot of reason why I love this episode, Remus being the primary thing. His entrance is iconic, the first few notes from his theme play as he creeps up behind the TV, him smiling at Roman all creepily until he whacks him over the head and knocks him out for most of the episode.

Then we get the song, Forbidden Fruit, which is just great. Slight secondhand embarrassment but seeing the finished product and all they put into it, I can’t help but love it.

Still miffed that Janus hasn’t gotten a song... specifically a villain song... I won’t ever let that go...

Logan is another highlight in this episode (no surprise) and seeing him go head-to-head against his polar opposite without batting an eye was interesting since I was kinda expecting them to show Logan having trouble dealing with Remus but nope. He handled it like a champ and I love them both.

Now I am kinda wary as to how they’re going to handle Remus in the future, especially with the intrusive thoughts aspect. It’s a sensitive topic and they’re already screwing up anxiety. But Remus has only been in one episode so far which means I can’t make any solid judgments until he’s appeared in more episodes, so I’ll have to wait and see.

All in all, great episode! Definitely deserves to be in my top three.

#2 Learning New Things About Ourselves

This episode made me feel so nostalgic. I freaking love puppets and grew up with Sesame Street and the Muppets, so I’m probably biased towards this episode but to me this is really one of the better written episodes.

Perfect? Heck no. But really, really good.

I love that we get to explore a bit more with Logan and Roman’s characters, in a lot of ways this is kind of a Logan episode which has him standing against the other Sides, and it’s really interesting to see just how different he is compared to the three of them and it could just be me but it seemed like he’s becoming more of an outsider and isn’t as close with the original four as he used to be, and this episode is what really kicks that idea off.

I can also relate to the “Well that’s nice but what do you do for a living?” message, except in my case it’s more like I want to quit my “real job” to pursue what I’m passionate about while people tell me it’ll probably never happen or “Yeah that’s a nice hobby!” So this episode really struck close to home and I just have a lot of sentimental feelings towards this one.

I love all of the designs for the puppets, they all just fit perfectly and I wouldn’t mind seeing them make a comeback one day. I know that’d be difficult since they’d need a professional to puppet them but hey, one can dream right?

And oh my gosh the song, it just gives off the same feel from Sesame Street and Muppet songs with it’s jazzy feel. And I won’t lie I flipped my lid when Logan and Thomas were in the same shot together. We hadn’t seen any of the Sides share the screen with Thomas yet and the fact that it was Logan, and he was arguing with Thomas and they were singing over each other? Ah I love it!

Also don’t get me started on how Logan’s bit in the song sounds more villainous than the others. I’m not saying anything just a neat little observation.

I have a lot of happy feelings attached to this episode, so despite the few problems I have with it I could never bring myself to hate it. The only one that tops it is...

#1 Can Lying Be Good?

The episode that started it all. The one that caught my attention and sparked my new fixation on this little series that I had just glossed over before.

I really don’t know what prompted me to watch this episode, other than I wasn’t in the best place and it just happened to pop into my recommendations one day and I figured, “Huh, haven’t watched this guy for awhile. Let’s see what he’s been up to.”

Once the episode was finished my first thought was “Holy shit when did this series start having lore?!”

This episode is probably the closest thing to perfect out of all the season two episodes so far. The writing is clever, pretty much all of the jokes land, and oh my gosh the editing in this one is phenomenal.

The way they show Roman shifting between himself and Joan throughout the episode is what sticks out the most. Having Roman’s voice coming from Joan, or having them briefly change back to Roman, I love it so much.

Not to mention Thomas’s ever changing shirt that reflects what he’s thinking/feeling is a neat little detail.

Did I mention this episode is hilarious? The ridiculousness of each scenario that they act out, with all the little inputs from Logan and Virgil who are both trying their best to do their jobs besides not even wanting to be part of it in the first place is adorable.

And of course, the man of the hour, Deceit. Or Janus as we now know him as.

Is it weird that I like Deceit more as a name? Probably, but that’s just because I don’t like how early his name was revealed.

Okay that was my last negative comment. Promise.

Now since I hadn’t watched Sanders Sides in a while I didn’t notice anything off about “Patton” during my first watch. But going back after seeing the rest of the series helped me catch all the little hints they added to clue in the audience that something wasn’t right.

A lot of it is really subtle, mostly in the acting department, but once you’ve caught on to everything it makes you wonder how you didn’t notice the first time. You can even see Logan and Virgil throughout the episode, knowing that something is off with “Patton” but holding back their concerns until Virgil finally calls Deceit out.

I’ve rewatched Deceit’s reveal so many times. When he finally drops the act after Thomas makes up his mind not to lie, you can just tell he no longer cares whether Thomas knows or not. Then things get even more tense when Logan is silenced, and everyone knows what’s going on except Thomas.

The music starts to build up, Thomas is flipping out, then after Deceit taunts him again he finally demands to know what’s going on and BAM there he is!

I love everything about this.

Like, what else can I say? This episode is brilliant. It really shows exactly what this team is capable of when they’re at their best. The pacing, the build up, the writing, all of it combined together to make the perfect episode.

Season Two has been, interesting. The long waits have caused some problems with the pacing and characters, not to mention the departure of Joan from the writing team with new writers entering the room, not to mention the first welcome now unwelcome arrival of Asides, and with only the season finale left before season three, it makes me wonder just where this series is headed.

I know this series is capable of doing incredible things, season one is still solid and it really holds up even after all this time. But season two just feels like a jumbled mess. Sure, it’s easy to enjoy the episodes individually, but once you try to fit them all together it’s like trying to jam a puzzle piece into a place where it doesn’t fit.

The best way to describe this season is as an experimental season. Each episode has the team trying something new, sometimes it seems these gimmicks take precedence over the story itself. Of course, some of these can work to the episode’s advantage, while others are just distracting and you’d know you wouldn’t miss them if they were gone.

It’s a mixed bag that’s for sure. One that has me watching in morbid curiosity as I wait to see whether it’ll crash in the end or blow my expectations out of the water. It really is fun to analyze these episodes, and yes I know I can be very harsh but believe it or not this is how I engage with media that I love.

My hope is that team will learn from season two and try to take a more simple approach with their production once season three roles around. Because if they continue at the same pace they are now I doubt there will be many people around to see this series through.

And on that note, that was my ranking of season two! I’m actually kinda excited now to go back and rewatch everything, I hope I don’t have to wait much longer to do so but that all depends on when the season two finale comes. Whether it ends up exceeding my expectations or just being “meh” I know it’ll be interesting regardless and I can’t wait to see just how they plan on wrapping this all up before the final season arrives.

#dukeofrankings #dukeofcritical #this one post spawned so many future posts #i'm gonna be a busy onion

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Lilo and Stitch Crossover Arc: “Rufus” (Kim Possible) Better and Worse (Paid for by WeirdKev27)

Aloha all you happy people! It’s back to Kauai for the third of my look at LIlo and Stitch’s crossover episodes! This retrospective was made possible by WeirdKev27, who had the idea for it and paid for me to review these episodes. You too can buy reviews for only 5 bucks a pop. Just go to my ask, Direct Messages or discord.

Now with my plugging out of the way, this one, out of all four is the one I looked forward to the most, and out of the four shows in this crossoverathon to make the trip to the Kauai, this one is hands down my faviorite.

Kim Possible was just damn good and having rewatched a handful of episodes and the movie (Easily one of my faviorite Disney movies and the best DCOM, I will not back down on either), I can say it holds up every bit as good as it did in the early 2000′s. Frankly like Danny Phantom i’m surprised I never thought to get to it till now. But no time like the present: The show proper is a fun super spy sendup, but still feels unique: Instead of i’ts Teen Superspy working for some knockoff of MI6 or S.H.I.E.L.D., Kim is self employed, simply helping people because it’s the right thign to do and not for any reward with the help of her bumbling but loveable sidekick and future boyfriend Ron, though the romance angle wasn’t overplayed with the two, just hinted at here and there, enough to make it plausable for Ron to realize he has feelings in the movie and for Kim to return them and frankly it’s probably the best handled “Friends to lovers’ plot i’ve seen in a children’s cartoon. I”ll get more into that if I hit my stretch goal for it on patreon, more on that at the end of the review, but while it has no baring on this review I still felt it worth noting as that trope is NOT easy to pull off.

Point is, the show was smart, funny, engaging and had two great characters, a tremendously talented voice cast, and more anchoring it. It was a treasured part of my adolsence. It also had one of the only succesful “Save our show” campagins from fans i’ve ever seen. Despite So The Drama having been written as a finale and having reached Disney’s episode count, fan demand for a fourth season was so incredibly high we got one and it’s to this day one of the very few Disney shows to live past three seasons as a result. The show is in full on Disney Plus, along with the movie, which I HIGHLY recommend and hope I get to talk about, and the recent live action remake movie which .. is not bad. Not GREAT but the leads do make a good kim and ron, paticuarlly my boy Sean Gambone as Ron, and for a live action remake it really does get the spirit of the show.

But obviously we’re not here to talk about the show proper, though I REALLY want to now, but instead it’s crossover. So far the crossovers for Lilo and Stitch have been, much like said live action remake, OKAY, but nothing amazing, often shoving in sideplots related to Lilo and Stitch proper we didn’t need, forced morals and not really having a good amount of character intraction. The good news is this crossover DOES fix a lot of that.. the bad is that it also has some new problems, and still falls into some of the same traps the other episodes have. See what I mean with the full review under the cut!

We open at night, with Lilo and Stitch playing hide and seek. Adorably though Sttich dosen’t quite get the hang of it and proudly announces where he is. However things are quickly interupted when he’s kidnaped by a mystery ship out of the blue. It’s a good hook to start with, leaving us wondering who it could be...

And thus, if you hadn’t gone into this episode knwoing it was a crossover, giving us a hell of a reveal with a cut to Dr. Drakken being the one to kidnap stitch!

Look I love this Doofus. He’s easily one of John DiMaggio’s best roles, up there with Jake and Bender, and the one along with Bender that cemented his career. as one of voice acting’s finest. He’s just so loveably incompetent, over the top and quick to bicker with Sheego, which leads to some of the funneist moments in his home series as she’d either skewer him good or he’d shove his boot in his mouth and help her point instead of his own. He’s just such a great character and he not only fits neatly into Lilo and Stitch’s world, but the writers clearly get him perfectly. We get a hilarious bit where, fed up with Hamsterviel, who he’s teamed up with, he simply fakes the radio going out, adjusting the dials purposfully to make it come in buggy something I GUARANTEE he put in for SHeego and I gurantee she saw right through. His plan is to create a clone army of Stiches.. meaning Hamsterviel’s big evil plan.. is a copy of someone else’s.

Lilo goes to Jumb and Pleakly, the latter of whom has been collecting magazines adorably. Lilo plans to go after Stitch but Jumba says she can’t go on dangerous missions without him and to get a professional and this part.. does not work for me. Most of the time Jumba ENABLES Lilo’s behaviors and while not wanting an 8 year old to run out into the night is a good call, he also suggests getting help.. instead of you know GOING WITH HER WHEN IT’S LIGHT. It sounds more like Nani’s idea... it fits her more to not want Lilo to run out and to want to get help versus Jumba whose admant about keeping secrecy yet very lax on things, and you know would BE concerned that his prized creation was suddenly stolen and actually think about it. He’s just so horribly out of character it hurts.

And Nani’s absence really hurts the episode. See the last two, as much as I missed the lovely and talented Tia Carrere’s presence, didn’t really need her, though still could’ve included her: she could’ve made a cameo at the start since Lilo was there to visit her and she woul’dve made a better target for Spats than trudy, with Oscar fighting Jumba instead, allowing us some crossover interactions instead of having Jumba argue with a random asshole the episode wrote in. But it’s minor stuff. Here though? Her being the one to tell Lilo not to go would’ve made more sense: She’s protective by nature, and while she’s let go more since the movie, it’d make sense for her NOT to want Lilo to blindly chase after someone who beat stitch of all beings, as well as for her ot be the one to later tell Kim not to let lilo be involved. It’d be stronger coming from her sister and surrogate mother than Pleakly and it would’ve been a better arc to have Nani let Lilo off the leash so to speak and accept she needed to save kim. Instead she’s just gone for no reason and Jumba is grosly out of character and i’m disapointed.

That said the setup is the best and most intergrated so far: Pleakly sees an article about kim so he reaches out to her via a message on her site, while Lilo is stubborn about not being help.. obnoxiously so to the point it hurts the episode. While her being inscure about someone else saving Sttich would be fine, the episode never adresses that and instead just has her say she can because shut pu instead of accepting help. The episode would’ve flowed better if instead she accepted kim but Nani had Kim push her away, and thus create more problems. More on that in a bit.

But as I said this setup is great: it uses BOTH shows for once isntead of feeling like the first two, and honestly the next one judging by the blurb on the wiki, where its just “Hey x character visits Kauai”, here it blends both: The two main villians team up, and Kim is logically called for help since that’s what she does and they don’t want to risk lilo’s saftey. It’s good stuff.

So our other heroes enter the episode, on a ritzy jet as Kim’s dad had an old college friend with an airline. I admit the episode weirdly downplays Kim’s penchant for getting rides, getting a helicopter that appears to be a touring one and getting this one via her dad instead of the usual person who owes her a favor. IT was a neat part of her character: that she got help from people she already helped on adventure’s we hadn’t seen to establish she can’t drive herself yet and to show she’s an experinced heroine with a lot of history before the show started. I also like how a handful of episodes after season 1 had returns from people we HAD seen before or linked to them, a clever way of having callbacks.

It’s simple stuff Kim is ready for the wrold saving mision and ron hopes to get a vacation in. Nothing too out of the ordinary.

So the next day Lilo tries to go it solo but is spotted before she can leave, while Pleakly has built a.. photo colloage of Kim’s face on the wall...

... no wait i’m getting paid for this. Nevermind.

It is funny as it is unsettling though and Kim arrives and Pleakly faints.. Ron also arrives doing fake kung fu moves. This episode gets ron about half right... they overdo it a bit on the shenanigans, but Will Freidle’s natural charm and talent mean that even standard ron bits coughed up by a cat onto a page and used for this script still work simply because he’s that good at delivery.

We also get the who’s on first bit you all knew was coming as Kim asking what’s the Sitch confuses lilo and i’ts .. pretty funny. Again you could see it coming from a mile away, but Daveigh Chase and Christy Carlson Ramano really sell the hell out of it and we get a nice runner after of Kim misprouncing his name and trying NOT to say her usual catchphrase.

She also gets filled in on the alien thing... and while she admits i’ts a lot to swallow, she also admits she’s seen weirder. And given this episode would, by airdate (ignoring the one for So the Drama as that aired before the last batch of season 3 episodes but continuity wise takes place between seasons 3 and 4), take place around the same time as the season 3 intended finale “Team Impossible”, by this point she’s seen vengeful fishteens mutated by a horrifying summer camp, a rogue gentecist who basis her crimes against nature on a beanie baby knockoff, magical monkey based kung fu, a magican egyptian amulet, killer robot’s resembling teenage girls, a body swap episode, a plan using a barcode to destroy the internet, an attack on canada, a giant poodle, a complicated time travel plot, a trucker with a mullet, her sidekick getting turned into a surprisingly competent supervillian, and draken’s plan to use his rap career to promote brainwashing shampoo. And that’s just a handful of the things I was reminded of on the episode list. So yeah, this isn’t THAT much of a stretch. Oh and lest you think Kim never encountered aliens the series finale was an alien invasion by aliens Draken had pissed off earlier in the season. Suprised Lilo didn’t you know have Stitch and the family army pitch in. Maybe Leory and Stitch was going on at the same time?

Point is she’s in but goes with Pleakly in trying to keep Lilo out of it. And here’s yet another place the episode missteps: Kim’s REALLY patronizing to Lilo, treating her like she can’t do anything and later ignoring her advice when she brings up the current later, something that ends up getting Kim caught. The latter part especially bugs me since Kim normally listens to her clients pretty well, and had she doubted him could’ve at least asked Waid since she contacts him in the same scene. Speaking of which THAT’S why I feel her patronizing “not now kiddo” atittude dosen’t work: her spy master IS a child, her brothers have helped out multiple times, and the incident I mentioned from where she met her younger cousin who idolized her at an old west town was understandable: Her cousin was getting into dangerous stuff and throwing herself out there recklessly with no regards to her own saftey and impeding the mission with her well meant antics. Lilo.. knows who their looking for, knows the island well, and knows stitch’s weaknesses. And she goes from being annoyingly hostlile to kim to helpful, so it makes kim even more obnoxious for not accepting said help. It’s just.. draining as when this part of the plot ISN’T in play, Kim is fine. She’s her usual self.. not AS well written as the parent show, a bit too reliant on her catchphrases, but still not half bad and Christy Carlson Romanao, like Fredle helps paper over the weaker bits of the script. She’s not even out of character in her actions, as she does have a tendency to think she knows everything or undereistmate people.. the problem is it’s written poorly enough she comes across as insufferable, and unlike the show, where she actually learned something here.. she just learns to work as a team? When she does on a regular basis with Wade and Ron?

It’s just so frustrating because they almost had it just right, but instead just had to try and put some half assed moral about teamwork in there. They broke from the formula of having an experiment of the week but they still just HAD to keep to their own formula. And look Kim Possible has it’s own formula.. but it used that to great effect, often using the episode’s plot to shake it up in fun ways, and the plots were still diffrent enough and the villians bold and intrestin genough that it didn’t grate. This is starting to grate. And I do remember good and intresting episodes of the show.. but i’m starting tor ealize why I don’t remember NEARLY as much of Lilo and Stitch as I do the other shows it’s crossing over with: it’s so bolted to the formula they all just sorta blend together. It’s really fucking disheartning to realize something you loved so damn much as a kid just.. isn’t as good as you remember. And with these other shows.. I don’t have that as much. I accept proud family’s fault, Jake Long actually seems MORE intresting than it was at the time, and rewatching kim possible it’s excellent, same with recess coming up. I really need to watch more Recess. The most disheartining thing about this arc is the crossover just shows how BETTER the other shows were. Lilo and Stitch wasn’t a BAD show, and it isn’t here.. but it’s a mediroce one. it has a good premise. but it feels like they just don’t break away from the premise enough. This just... hurts a lot to type and realize. I really loved this show and movie as a kid and while the movie likely still holds up this.. this just dosen’t.

I need a moment... i’m breaking open the glass case containing my emergency patrick stewart clip excuse me...

youtube

That.. I needed that.

So before the bicker sisters can head off, we get our goofy comedy subplot: Jumba thinks Rufus is one of his experiments, one that could destroy the universe if not cancel and is highly unstable. As for why this one wouldn’t of worked out, I get why: it’s TOO powerful. Stitch is a weapon of mass distruction in a cuddly package, but he’s also easily deployable, kind of like Wolverine if he was in the body of a cartoon mascot. Having the THREAT of destroying ap lanet is fine and good for the long term but it does you no good if you can’t control it and i’td just destroy you too.

So he and Pleakly try to steal rufus without telling Ron why after Ron naturlaly refuses to sel land a chase insues. So while the boys and gender fluid person have their comedy plot, the girls head to where stitch was taken and find Draken’s glove.... they know it’s his because he put a note saying “return to dr. draken, his mother gave it to him”. That’s just.. fucking precious. And entirely in character. So kim aranges a ride, and dives into the ocean, but finds lilo in her parachute, and tries to send her back despite LIlo offering valuable advice both about the area , the current I mentioned earlier, and about stitch, i.e. Draken’s base is underwater (something Kim didn’t realize which feels odd for her), because Stitch can’t swim, something I genuinely forgot.

So while Kim sends Lilo back, or rather intercut with that but I choose to compress plots for my own convinence we cut back to Drakken and Shego. And I WAS worried that Shego wouldn’t show up, she wasn’t in the synopsis or anything and was delighted to find that nope she’s here. Drakken just isn’t the same without her.. I mean I liked the recurring subplot in season 4 where other villians would break her out, that was great, but in the end the two need each other. I may not ship them romantically but as a comedy team one just needs the other: Drakken needs Shego to cut down his ego and Shego needs someone to snark at and complain about. Sullivan and DiMaggio just had perfect chemistry and it’s easy to see why Drakken and Shego went from just another part of the Rogue’s Gallery to Kim’s arch enemies.

Which is why I am sad Gantu and 625 don’t show up for this one. I mean I can buy it: Hamsterviel likely is doing this on the sly to see if he can find a better minon, but the two sets of villians have similar dynamics and i’d love to see Shego and 625 dunk on their bosses together. It’s a really big missed opportunity but I do get it as they may of just nto been able to fit the two together or it may of been hard to block a lot of scenes iwth the human sized drakken and the giant sized gantu. So unlike a lot of missed opportunites in the other episodes, this one I at least can understand.

We get some GREAT banter with the two though. Out of the four guest characters in this one the crew really got Drakken and Shego down and the two bicker like any episode of Kim Possible, with Shego pointing out the massive bill on Stitch’s cage and how Drakken’s tried cloning about five times now and it’s never worked, and of course how he’s 50 50 splitting with a hamster bellow his station. Seriously why get rid of Gantu and 625 but keep the annoying rodent, I don’t get you episode.

Of course while they quack quack bicker bicker Stitch escapes and Shego gives chase. Sadly we don’t get a fight between the two like we did with Jake, another missed opprotunity but Stitch getting out of her grasp by licking her is objectively funny. Stitch finds he’s underwater though and gets recaptured.

Kim gets captured for the first time shortly after as the current caught her, but luckily she has kimunicator gloves and calls waid to call ron. Meanwhile Ron finally catches rufus back and Jumba explains the situation.. but Ron understandably dosen’t want to give up his buddy especially since Rufus has shown no signs of being a planet killer before. He’s not mooncake... althought i do think those two could hang. God now I just want a final space kim possible crossover to wash this out of my mouth.

So it’s down to Lilo, the really not all that ambigiously gay their pretty darn gay duo, and Ron to save the day. Lilo finally gets to do what she kept asking kim to do: use jumbas hot rod car spaceship thing to go down under the sea, and they send Lilo and Rufus in since hteir small enough to get in and suriive the pressures. Our heroes arrive and Drakken is nonplussed.. only for Lilo to prove WHY she can keep an alien in line by freeing stitch from teh leash drakken has him on using kim’s grapple gun, and then frees kim. The good guys win and the bad guys loose and the base starts to self destruct.. eh they’ll be fine. They still have the movie to get to.

So time for the wrap up: Stitch sniffs Rufus and confirms what the audience knew... that he’s a naked mole rat not an experiment. Which didn’t make sense to begin with for either show: Jumba’s archive should’ve been able to scan him or something (And if not he could build something to do that), and Kim Possible not only implied from day one Ron had Rufus a while, long before the rain of the pods, but A Stitch in Time outright confirms Ron bought him years ago in middle school. It just makes no sense and while it thankfully dosen’t take up a ton of the episode it still takes up too much.

But with that our heroes prepare to part on good terms but Pleakly decides to celebrate with Luau. Kim’s repsonse “Well I can do anything...”

And we get a gratuitous luau sequence! I do love a job that allows me to type the phrase “Gratuitous Luau Sequence’ They clearly ran short and we just get a good minute of everyone doing hula dances for no reason. I mean.. you could’ve done a quick gag with the experiment who was mistaken for Rufus... who I now realize given the finale was befriended by someone. I’m headcanoning now Kim and Ron came back for that one and Kim had him sent to space as part of one her dad’s projects where he and earth would be safer and he could help with space missions or something.

Final Thoughts: As you could tell I had mixed thoughts. As a crossover this melded things better, had a more original plot and the actors from Kim Possible brought their a-game.. but once again some disapointing characteteriztion and downright stupid decisions really let the episode down. These episodes just depress me every time and I’m looking forward to being done.. which given how excited I was going into this.. yeah. Like all of these despite their flaws I recommend checking it out if you like Kim Possible, if nothing else than for some extra drakken shego banter but.. keep your expectations low.

Next Time on Kim Possible: A team of spiteful assholes who are in a way repsonsible for Kim’s Career try to shut her down. It’s the intended finale episode outisde of hte movie people buckle up.. or you would if I was doing any of these. Though I should do “Team IMpossible” at some point.

On the finale of these crossovers: The Recess Gang are the final visitors to Kuai as Lilo must find and stop a lazy monster... no i’m not guest starring too.

Tommorow: Another kev one this time by patreon as I put two similar episodes of a show or franchise against each other and ask “Who Did It Better?” This time it’s two episodes of Celebrity Death Match, original versus revivial may the original.. probably win.

If you liked this review, please consider supporting my patreon, YOU CAN FIND THE LINK TO IT HERE. For just 2 bucks a month you get access to my discord, to pick a short each time I do one of my shortstravaganzas, and acess to my Patreon exclusive reviews! Next month I intend to do one for the show whose crossover gets the most likes within a week of it’s relase. Proud Family has already passed American Dragon so you have a week to get it ahed. And if you like Kim Possible, help me reach my 25 dollar stretch goal! At that i’ll review So The Drama, along with the Recess and Proud Family Movies. So check it out and i’ll see you at the next rainbow.

#lilo and stitch the series #lilo and stitch #kim possible #ron stoppable #doctor drakken #shego #Lilo Pelekai #Stitch #experment 626 #jumba jookiba

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finaledenialist · 4 years

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so it appears this is the day I start listening to taylor swift? you were so many to talk about it on my dash that I had to know so I just listened to 10 songs from folklore (had to stop bc Im getting easily exhausted) and. you were all so right about the deancas parallels?? I mean- my tears ricochet :

Weepin' in a sunlit room, and

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe

All the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you

'Til my dying day

this is just straight up 15×18

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And you're the hero flying around, saving face

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

the chorus makes me go INSANE. I don't even have to explain "If I'm dead to you" because that's literally the same sentence with dean saying "You're dead to me" to cas. and "wishing I stayed" jfsgjjfq direct parallel to "I left but you didn't stop me"/"I should've stopped you", the whole 'dean is afraid of people leaving him and cas is afraid no one asks him to stay' gsksjggsj

And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain

Crossing out the good years

and then dean in 15×19. Im not okay

I mean you probably already said better things about these lines in your post and I should probably read it but. needed to get that out I guess? also wanted to add it's kinda funny that the two things I was introduced to through your blog are 1. some very calming beautiful love songs and 2. a smut fic

How often do these two things come together, right? hahaha Well I am happy I could do that for you!<3 I don’t think I talked about my tears ricochet yet though because I usually talk only about songs people send in their asks to avoid being That Bitch who rants about one thing all day long haha but let’s talk.

Everything you said is On Point. This song is such Cas POV song that it gives me actual physical pain. Because on one hand we have very obvious destiel stuff that relate to 15x03, 15x18 and 12x23 and on the other hand, if we’re willing to break the 4th wall, this is Cas @ the CW. Look:

(putting this under the cut because it got so long because I have no self-restraint when talking about folklore x destiel)

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me? 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'Til my dying day

So, obviously a callback to 15x03 as you mentioned, apart from the first line which is re: Dean’s behaviour after Cas dies (in 12x23 or in 15x18). Now let’s look at the bigger picture here:

If I’m on fire (= if I die) you’ll be made of ashes too. Look what happened when they wrote Cas off. In season 7 or in 15x19 and 15x20. How unbearably this show sucked without him.

Did I deserve all the hell you gave me - 15x03, yes, of course but also what the show put this character through. The amount of bad writing and straight up torture for so many episodes (for example in season 8 or 9x03 ugh) and then being cut off from the finale.

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you ‘til my dying day - that is obviously 15x18.

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And you're the hero flying around, saving face And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

This is 12x23, 15x03, 15x09 and 15x18 mixed up.

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene

Again, Cas dying in 12x23 and 15x18. Hell even when Dean sees Cas in the deleted scenes of season 10 after he almost killed him. Or when he keeps seeing him at the beginning of season 8 because he feels guilty that Cas didn’t make it out of Purgatory.

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home

9x03 :(((((((((((((((( and 15x03 :(((((((((((((((((((

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky) And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)

I am so sad at this point that I don’t even know what to say. You can aim for my heart, go for blood, (this corresponds so damn well with ‘and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad’ from this is me trying asfhsdfj) you can talk shit to me and make me leave but you are still going to miss me, how about that. And it’s going to hurt both of us.

And I still talk to you - this is the only Dean line in this whole song because: prayers, also 8x23 finale comes to mind when the angels are falling and Dean looks at the sky and the falling stars and screams his name. And of course then a line about Dean not getting to sleep peacefully whenever Cas is gone.

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears

Aaaaaand here we go, let’s shatter that 4th wall, huh? Something something about sinking ship. Not any ship. A battleship. A damn big ship. That gets sunk. Hm. You had to kill me because god forbid Dean and Cas get their only logical happy ending right? but it killed you just the same because look now how the last two episodes sucked and everyone is so damn angry and hurt and no one liked what you did and the whole show is now being criticized and being called out on being nonsensical due to the ending. You turned into your worst fears , that speaks for itself.

#taylor swift x destiel #destiel songs #ask #destiel #funkygayangel

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qsdblogging · 4 years

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Top 10 TV Shows You Need To Watch Right Now

Now, I watch a lot of television. I always have and frankly, I’m much more of a binge watcher than a wait-around-for-a-week-for-the-next-episode kind of watcher.

And with everything the past few months, there wasn’t all that much to do other than start rewatching some of my favorite shows and some that I’ve never seen or haven’t seen in a while.

So, that’s what I did and here I am giving you some recommendations for shows to add to your own watching lists.

Warning, though, some of these don’t end the best way and may end up more as a disappointment. I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

I. Fringe.

I cannot recommend this show enough to people. It’s got five full seasons (although the last could’ve been a little better, but it’s honestly not that bad of a final season) of high-risk scenarios revolving around almost unexplainable phenomena regarding a tear in the fabric of reality. It deals with experiments that gives superpowers (basically), advanced technology, and a parallel universe.

Plus, there’s a cow.

What more could you want from a show?

Some familiar faces that are in the main cast or show up at some point include John Noble, who you may recognize from Sleepy Hollow and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Lance Reddick, who was in The Wire, White House Down, American Horror Story, and played Charon in the John Wick franchise, Leonard Nimoy, who you should know from the original Star Trek series, and Anna Torv from Mindhunter.

II. Lincoln Rhyme: Hunt for the Bone Collector.

Now, if you know crime books, you may know exactly what this is based off of. If not, fear not, I am here to tell. This series (which, like a lot of the others down the list, unfortunately, got cancelled and won’t get to see a second season) was based off of The Bone Collector, a first in a series of novels by Jeffery Deaver.

If you like crime shows, you should definitely give this a shot. Don’t let the fact that it’s only one season stop you.

Things get pretty wild in just one season as it revolved around a retired forensic criminologist, who had been trying to catch the Bone Collector only to get injured, that gets back into the game three years later when an ambitious young detective is determined to help solve the case when a new body shows up.

You might even recognize a face or two, like Arielle Kebbel (the ambitious young detective) from her role as Lexi in The Vampire Diaries and Olivia Charity in Midnight, Texas, and Russell Hornsby (the retired forensic criminologist) from Grimm, The Hate U Give, Proven Innocent, and The Affair.

III. Manifest.

Luckily, this show is said to be getting a third season and so far, isn’t going to get cancelled. It focuses on passengers from Flight 828, who show up five years after their plane went missing. Some passengers start experiencing what they call ‘callings’ and try to figure out if they were chosen for some sort of duty that the callings led them too, but things get a little confusing when someone who wasn’t on a flight seems to have a year missing of their own life after being deemed missing.

Things get a little weird and dangerous along the way, and not everyone is happy about how things turn out.

It’s pretty interesting and I’m really looking forward to what else they come up with. There’s a few familiar faces that play a part in the show that includes Daryl Edwards, who you may recognize from the first season of Daredevil, Ellen Tamaki who is also in the reboot of Charmed, Athena Karkanis, who’s been in The Expanse and Lost Girl, and Josh Dallas, who one may recall playing Prince Charming in Once Upon a Time, and Fandral in Thor.

It’s a rather good show to get lost in and I definitely recommend giving it a go.

IV. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

If you don’t have an idea as to what this show is, I don’t know what to say. The title kind of gives it away. It’s the only Marvel Show (as of now since none of the shows in production have come out as of yet) to technically be connected to the MCU itself.

That’s found in one of the main characters, Phil Coulson, who you’d recognize from Captain Marvel, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, and The Avengers. Plus, Cobie Smulders (Maria Hill) and Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury) both give a cameo in the show.

The show was rumored to have been set in a different, but similar, timeline to that of the MCU movies, but I don’t know for sure if it’s true or not.

It follows its own set of issues, including a deeper dive into the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., issues with HYDRA, and so on and so forth. The last season, which I honestly cried during, gives such good twists and callbacks to previous seasons and the MCU movies that you can’t help but enjoy how it’s handled.

As a show, it probably has one of the best final seasons possible and I highly recommend giving the full seven seasons a watch if you haven’t already.

V. Primeval.

Now, if you like dinosaurs, this is a show for you. It’s BBC, so obviously everyone has an accent. It gave a run of five seasons (which is kind of funny because I didn’t realize that until just now writing this as the show is listed as number five on the list) with different episode amounts.

The show centers around anomalies that seem to open up a window to the very distant past of Earth when dinosaurs still roamed the land. It causes a lot of issues, especially if one person has anything to do with it.

It’s pretty interesting and honestly has got some great characters (my personal favorite is Captain Becker, played by Ben Mansfield) and while it can get pretty serious, it’s also pretty entertaining. It’s one of the three shows on this list to get to end on a good-ish note. (AKA, no cliffhangers!)

Obviously, I highly recommend giving it a shot. It’s kind of the point of this list.

VI. Terra Nova.

Now, like Primeval, this show technically has to do with dinosaurs. Dinosaurs aren’t the main focus, but they do play a part in this one season (because cancellations) story.

Terra Nova is focused on both the future and the past. In the distant future (2149), the Earth is dying. A group of people, researchers, and military as well as some of their family members, are sent to the past (85 million years) to inhabit Terra Nova, a colony of humans given a second chance to build civilization.

So, obviously, dinosaurs are going to make an appearance now and then. And unfortunately, the show only got one season and ends on a cliffhanger. Which I hate, because I really enjoy this show and wish it had been able to at least get a second season.

Plus, there are some familiar faces amongst the cast. Jason O’Mara, who plays one of the main cast members, played Jeffrey Mace in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.. Christine Adams, who plays Lynn Pierce in Black Lightning. Allison Miller, who played Sonya in 13 Reasons Why. And Naomi Scott, who is known for her roles in Lemonade Mouth (one of my all-time favorite DCOMs) and Aladdin. And this was just to name a few of the cast members.

Shame it got cancelled, truly, but I recommend giving it a shot.

VII. MTV’s Scream.

I think you can figure out the basis of this show. While it doesn’t have anything to do directly with the movie franchise, it is kind of similar and a lot of the characters reflect those from the show. Neve Campbell even said that if the show did well, she would be willing to do a cameo.

It revolves (at least the first two seasons as season three is an entirely different set of cast and premise that I refuse to watch because of that) around Emma Duval and her group of friends as they’re picked off one by one by a serial killer going around town. Things get bloody and suspicions arise amongst the crew when things are revealed as the show continues, but things eventually work out in the end.

And personally, I really enjoyed the show even when the second season ended on a cliffhanger. I have theories about that cliffhanger, however, so watch out for a possible post regarding it.

I highly recommend giving it a chance if you haven’t seen it.

VIII. The Society.

Now, the title doesn’t give you much. A group of teenagers, who were sent off on a trip, suddenly are dropped back off in their town to find it completely empty aside from themselves. They have to form their own society to survive and figure things out.

Once you know that, it makes a little more sense.

It seems really similar to the Pied Piper tale, but it doesn’t seem like we’re going to really know for sure. Season 2 had been given a go-ahead, but not too long ago Netflix announced the cancellation of the show.

That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the first season like I do. Plus, if you’re a fan of Supernatural and the character of Claire Novak, Kathryn Newton plays one of the main roles in this show.

It’s a shame the show got cancelled, especially on a cliffhanger, but what can we do?

IX. The Mysteries of Laura.

Laura Diamond, a Homicide Detective, cracks case after case while trying to raise twin boys and locking horns with her less than helpful Police Detective ex-husband. At least, this is according to IMBD and frankly, it’s not really wrong.

For two seasons, it’s packed with comedy and crime. It’s more of the former, but it still gets pretty serious every now and then, and unfortunately ends on a cliffhanger.

However, some cast members may be familiar. Like Josh Lucas, who voices Home Depot commercials (and trust me, it made my family laugh when we first heard one after watching the show), Laz Alonso who plays MM in The Boys, and Debby Ryan, from Disney Channel.

If you like light-hearted crime shows (like Brooklyn-Nine-Nine) you should definitely give this a watch.

X. Warrior Nun.

As far as I know, this show has been renewed for a season two. I’m really hoping for it because it’s honestly kind of interesting. You can kind of tell by the title what it may be, but I’ll dive a little deeper.

After waking up in a morgue, Ava, an orphaned teen, discovered she now possesses superpowers as the chosen Halo Bearer for a secret sect of demon-hunting nuns. (Taken from IMDB). Interesting, right?

With characters like Shotgun Mary, Sister Beatrice, and Sister Lilith, you know the show’s going to be interesting. But the premise is pretty interesting on it’s own too.

There’s even a character called JC, who apparently has nothing to do with Jesus Christ, but I still like referring to him as such because it’d be pretty funny if that’s how it turns out. Also, someone gets beat up with a whole chicken at some point.

It’s only got the one season so far, but it’s pretty funny and action packed. Like everything on this list, I definitely think you should watch it and find out for yourself if you want to add it to your list if you haven’t already.

#tvshows #watchlist #warriornun #fringe #mtvscream #thesociety #primeval #terranova #themysteriesoflaura #aos #agentsofshield #manifest #lincolnrhyme #qsdblogging #qsdbloggingpopculture #qsdpopculture #findingqsd

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madroxed · 4 years

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the order (season two) thoughts.

so chotoranii asked me for my thoughts on the order season two. of which there are many. posting them here rather than in a reply so tumblr doesn’t fuck up the ‘keep reading’ break.

SO MANY SPOILERS AHEAD, OBVIOUSLY.

OK FOLKS, LET’S DO THIS. SORRY ABOUT THE WORD COUNT.

the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible.

ok SO. overall i thought this season was so much better than season one, especially in terms of production and acting.

i should start by saying, the biggest twist of this season? ME LIKING JACK AS A BLOND. i’ve been dragging that hair for months and i end up digging it? i’m so mad at myself.

ANYWAY the first three episodes? flawless! beautiful! amazing! they honestly took everything i could have listed as wanting and put it onscreen. jack trying out for cheer squad and having to stay on cheer squad to keep up the act? them finding each other almost immediately? the jokes about orgies? jack taking the knights seriously and holding on to his anger over the memory wipe? lilith and nicole? nicole in general? RANDALL AND HAMISH FAKE DATING (however briefly, seriously, i will be writing fic where they have to keep that up because i am betrayed that it was never brought up again and if you think i didn’t throw my laptop across the bed so i could run around screaming you’d be wrong)? A MAGIC HEIST?

honestly, all perfect.

............then the season started to go downhill. don’t get me wrong, there were still some excellent parts, but they were hindered by two things:

the plot jumping about too much to be comprehensible.

the fact that we the viewers are supposed to believe that randall carpio and hamish duke would not tear the world apart for lilith bathory immediately.

the first is forgivable; the first season’s plot was a simple enough device that meant it dragged a little at times. this season they seemed to not want to fall into that trap again, but in doing so threw something so big in that they needed far too much exposition because they didn’t have enough time to show it (a trait they fell into in a lot of ways, we’ll get back to that). SHOW, DON’T TELL, FOLKS. that being said, i really liked salvadore as a character, and the idea of a group of people striving to make magic accessible to all was a cool moral quandary plot.

the second is unforgivable to me, and led to the majority of my issues with the season. i understand the knights becoming members of the order (cool concept), i understand them struggling with conflicting loyalties because of it, but what i don’t understand is the fact that randall spent the majority of the season saying “let’s get lilith back!” only to back down at the first push back, and hamish was the push back. because......the order had other problems. IN WHAT UNIVERSE DO THE KNIGHTS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER NOT PUT EACH OTHER FIRST AND SAY FUCK EVERYONE ELSE?

(jack i understand, if only because we saw so much of it last season. his loyalties are kinda flaky. i do understand his loyalty to vera; not only did she play a huge part in taking down edward last season, but the mind link thing and learning all her pain would have stuck with him. he loves a cause, that boy. also hey ho! jack was so much more likeable this season! we love to see it.)

also i just really missed lilith.

(thank fuck for nicole never giving up.)

the amount of callbacks to season one were fantastic. they didn’t just move on and leave it be, they referenced basically everyone, and seeing professor clarke and kyle again was a nice touch just to tie things together. there also being discussions about jack’s pete related trauma was great and necessary.

ok, so alyssa. i take back my post about how great it would be for her to be the villain. this was so much better. her trauma in the wake of both season one and then accidentally killing someone leading to her feeling so conflicted and lost and alone? her magic malfunctioning when it’s all she feels she has? we’ve always known she was ambitious, but to see her face straight on the idea that she may be left completely powerless and no one really listening or trying to help her except a hive mind that’s also hurting her? o u c h.

we saw this season that the real problem with the order is its motto of ‘hurry up and wait’. ‘we’ll save lilith.....just do all these other things first!’ ‘we’ll get alyssa’s magic back......there’s just more important things right now!’ it’s all so easy to see how that could frustrate someone so much they can’t take it anymore.

i’m so pleased i loved alyssa so much this season. i desperately wanted to and i’m glad they gave me that. i just felt so much for her. she just wanted to not feel so alone and so helpless and so scared that she was going to pick the wrong side again. it was beautiful.

this also meant alyssa/jack was better this season. having got the insta-love out the way last season (ugh), this season they were able to actually look at how that would play out if you took ramifications into consideration. all the problems i had with them last season were vocalised onscreen, and this new unstable thing left in its place was far more appealing to watch. they were messy and bad for each other and they knew it, but that didn’t stop them loving each other.

also: “if we get out of this, can i take you to the mall? because i really hate your jean jacket. and your hair.”

in regards to the other relationships:

lilith and nicole were adorable for the limited amount of time we got them onscreen. the slow crush to nervous dating was beautiful, and seeing lilith struggle with what getting her memories back meant in regards to that was great. we all know i thought the lilith/randall of last season was rushed, so having lilith torn over hurting one of the most important people in her life and following these feelings for someone new was lovely. IF WE GET A SEASON THREE I BETTER GET SO MUCH MORE OF THEM.

here’s the thing, putting aside lilith/nicole for a moment: the order can’t write good relationships (*with one major caveat).

hear me out.

in season one it was insta-love. jack and alyssa meet and suddenly defending alyssa is the only thing that matters to jack. it....wasn’t good. randall and lilith were thrown together with very little build up and we were supposed to roll with it.

this season we had both hamish/vera and randall/gabrielle. i would like to say that theoretically i am here for both of these. but.

hamish/vera occurred off screen. oh, sure, we had a couple scenes of them staring at each other over drinks, but that was all we got until late into the season. we were told that hamish and vera were a thing by randall when he was winding hamish up. we didn’t see it for ourselves. again, this show’s habit of telling not showing is a problem.

hamish and vera could make sense. two leaders of opposing factions having sort of hate, begrudging respect sex? i see it. from there, you can show us how it would become something more.

the show doesn’t.

we’re told they’re together. we’re told hamish is forsaking his knightly duties in favour of vera. we’re told by hamish that he’s drunk the order koolaid,

and all of this is supposed to culminate in us believing that hamish duke - tundra, leader of the knights of saint christopher, the most cunning of the wolves - would push aside everything else because he just believes that much in vera stone? to the point that he would all but abandon lilith and degrade his relationship with randall to randall being the annoying sidekick?

i woke up at two a.m. to write a note on my phone that says: ‘the greatest tragedy of the order season two is hamish duke’s character assassination.’ and i stand by that.

besides lilith’s absence for almost the whole season, it’s the thing i’m most mad about. i love hamish so much and to one-dimensionalise him in favour of a ship is...............shoddy work honestly.

so like i said. HAMISH/VERA COULD HAVE BEEN GOOD, BUT FOR FUCKSAKE SHOW, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY DEVELOP THIS SHIT.

randall/gabrielle was better developed. by which i mean we actually saw them interacting on screen. we got to see them begrudgingly working together, we saw him learn more about her, we heard them talk about her need to fit in somewhere. when they made the joke about being bffs? good stuff. would i like them to slowburn this shit? yes please. have them become best friends and then have those feelings be something else. i would really like that. the show just needs to.......slow down. not immediately see a single character and need to throw them into a relationship with the nearest person.

gabrielle was great this season. by which i mean, she was gabrielle, and we love some consistent characterisation. i think it’s so true to everything we know about her that she’d want to inject herself into the knights’ world; she wants to be part of the in-crowd, and right now that’s them. she’s also supremely jealous of alyssa because, to her, it seemed like alyssa had the best of both worlds. so, yes, her wanting to be around the knights and that developing into her begrudgingly liking them makes a lot of sense to me.

so, my caveat.

the relationship the order knows how to write? the knights. hamish, randall, lilith, and jack. that dynamic saved season one from being a total mess. that dynamic thrived in the early episodes of this season. IT’S JUST THAT GOOD. i said once that if the order just became greek (2007) but with werewolves i’d be happy, and the first three episodes really gave me that.

THE KNIGHTS ARE EACH OTHER’S SOULMATES, ASK ME HOW.

is this an excuse for me to complain that they gave us a hint of hamish/randall and then cruelly snatched it away and i’m still mad about it? YOU BETCHA.

is this also my way of saying there wasn’t nearly enough jack/randall this season? YOU BETCHA.

removing lilith from the equation (I’M STILL SO MAD) and then having hamish pull away from randall because..........who the fuck knows, was just a recipe for disaster.

clearly lilith is the glue that holds these idiots together.

so, vera. katherine isabelle still just steals every scene she’s in. i love her. i love vera’s characterisation. i love that she’s shamelessly ambitious but also wants the order to succeed and the world not to end. i love that she can be cold and cruel and still have such soft spots for both jack and alyssa. i love that she can be vulnerable and angry about it. i just........think vera’s pretty fucking great, tbh.

i still don’t understand why the knights - after their infiltration revenge plans go tits up - decide to just go full on order. like??????? hamish and jack barely even questioning anything???? randall must have spent most of this season feeling so alone.

that being said, when jack said to nicole and randall that he knew what they needed to get lilith back and the conversation pretty much went:

jack: you’re okay betraying the order?

nicole: for lilith, anything.

randall: i’d literally betray the order for a cookie, haven’t you been listening?

we love to see it.

OH, HEY GUYS, REMEMBER WHEN IAN ZIERING AND JASON PRIESTLEY WERE MEMBERS OF THE ORDER AND JASON PRIESTLEY BECAME GRAND MAGUS FOR A HOT SECOND???? that was written solely for me. i do not know who this show thinks its audience is, but it understands me to my core.

so...............i have zero clue where the show intends to go from here. i just need alyssa to be ok and i hope - like his friend randall - jack is willing to kill whoever the hell he has to to make that happen. (we stan randall straight up murdering someone to get lilith back and making sure nicole remains innocent and safe tbh.)

SO TL;DR: the early episodes gave me life. the show declined from there, but i still enjoyed it a lot. the order is at its best when the knights are a team, i loved alyssa’s story this season, and i have no clue what to expect from next season (if we get one). werewolf alyssa? villain jack, perhaps? we’ll see!

THIS POST PROBABLY SEEMS TOO NEGATIVE BUT HI! I STILL LOVED THIS SEASON A LOT AND I LOVE MY KIDS WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND IF YOU READ ALL A MILLION WORDS OF THIS THEN I LOVE YOU TOO.

also if anyone has any hamish/randall prompts i’ll be hanging out over here crying into my hands for the next few weeks. FAKE DATING. how dare they?!

#the order #the order spoilers #the order netflix #THIS IS.....TOO LONG I'M SORRY #i love this show so much????#but it's also a mess?????#basically my brand lbh

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cowboylikedean · 4 years

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Now that I’ve had time to sit with all of this, my feelings are.... complicated.

The thing is... I was finished. I was done. I watched seasons 11-14 out of respect for my past, my history, my time, my life. I was watching season 15 out of respect for the show. To see it out to the end, to give it the opportunity and respect to be finished. But I was already done.

And then they did one of the three (3) things that could bring me back.

And I feel so... manipulated?

I kinda feel like Buffy in season 6 talking about coming back from heaven. “I was finished, complete. And I was happy. But I was torn out of there, ripped out... by my friends.”

Because I was happy. I was happy in that I had made peace. I knew that I loved the original seasons 1-5 arc, that my favorite season was 7, that season 8 was when I started to really not enjoy myself, that season 9 is when I lost all ability to enjoy the show, that I only watched season 10 for the 200th and the nostalgia presented in that episode was fun, but it carried me for two or three weeks and then.... I let go. I had made peace with never getting that back. I was never going to watch this show and have fun again, unless I was rewatching 1-7, and that was okay. I didn’t need to enjoy it. I didn’t need anything. The writers were terrible and I knew that but it was okay. I didn’t have to trust them or have faith in them or generally give a shit because they were bad writers phoning it in for a pay check and that’s fine... If you can, you can I guess. I mean it’s bullshit but like I was okay.

But now.... Now I care again. Now I need and want something from them. Now I’m worried about the fact that I don’t trust them and I think they’re all shitty writers phoning it in for a paycheck because now I care about what happens.

And I’m pissed.

Because out of those three things, they chose the ONE that I resent the most.

Those three things are (1) They kill Sam. This is clearly my favorite, and if they were gonna do one I wish they’d done this especially if it was at Dean’s hands. He’d never have a happy ending after killing Sam, but I would. (2) They kill Dean. This would have been a cut and dry “let’s go kill someone” charge. I would have had my appropriate moment of outrage and disgust. I’d be seeing Sam-stans and Cas-stans write their long metas about how “it’s actually a perfect ending for Dean” and see destiel wannabes write their mourning fics like it was cute and be justified in every spec of anger I’ve ever felt.

But they chose (3) Destiel goes canon. I get no satisfaction from this... But I do get my sense of nostalgia played upon. I get used for views with nothing in return. Well... Maybe that’s not accurate, I get something, but it’s not...

I stopped shipping destiel 2 seasons before I finished watching. Season 8 was the last time I shipped it in any serious fashion. I sat through the wild and incredible queerbaiting that was Jeremy Carver’s run of the show.... and honestly for what?! I was here in the hiatus between seasons 7 and 8, leading up to what we, the fandom, called “season gr8″ which it was only named because of queerbaiting. And I fell for it. I drank the koolaid every single week in season 8. I wrote metas and posts, my fb memories are filled with posts insisting that “this would be the week.”

“It’s not queerbaiting if they make it canon,” I’d say. “It’s a slow burn, a long build. A will-they-won’t-they.” I felt like my fellow fans who were getting increasingly more aggressive with the cast and crew had just “lost faith.” that if they saw the big picture, that Dean and Cas were an epic love story that didn’t need immediate payoff, they could enjoy all the little moments we were getting without demanding more.

By the time I left the show, I no longer expected they’d make it canon... but more importantly, neither did I want them to. By that time, Dean had been put through the ringer being the emotional support for every character, the punching bag, the background to everyone else’s stories because no other actor could pull the emotion Jensen could. Dean had everything he had despite the other characters’ stories and emotions. He was seen by the fandom and most of the writing staff as a filler, an extension. He was one half of a relationship - romantic or not - not his own person. He was “the dumb one” and characterized in really stupid ways. You can see it as recently as 15x16 when a writer who has written one other episode of the show and clearly never actually watched the show especially the flashback episodes. Dean was a caricature, not a character. And Cas... Cas was written with increasing amounts of fanservice too. He went from a powerful being trying to learn to balance his sense of angelic responsibility with love of the Earth to being a whiny crybaby who was generally helpless to circumstance. He was written in such a way where he both leaned on Dean to give him purpose and validation while also completely ignoring everything about Dean that made Dean Dean.

As the seasons have gone on, this has gotten more apparent. I think what happened with Mary and Dean kicking Cas out the bunker earlier this season (which was also written by Robert Berens btw and if it’s true he wrote the confession scene first in the season - he wrote this scene after that one) is a perfect example. Dean’s criticism there is that Cas doesn’t trust him. When shit is hitting the fan, Cas expects Dean to react in the worst possible way he could, so he refrains for telling Dean vital information and asking for help while he looks for a solution by himself so Dean never has to know there’s even a problem. Then something goes wrong and Cas is always left there saying he’s sorry, that he shouldn’t have done that... But he never seems to learn, or trust Dean enough to do something different next time. And that time, the lack of trust killed Dean’s mom. The narrative and the fandom both treated Dean as irrational and overly emotional - the bad guy - in that situation. Dean shouldn’t have done that.

But like what the fuck should he have done??? I’d have killed him. Or cut him out for good... like for good for good. How toxic is it to have someone in your life who repeatedly ruins your life by not trusting you with a problem that could be dealt with collectively, but not alone?

And we’re going to what... retcon all of that? By bringing destiel into this, all the reasons I haven’t shipped it and I’ve considered Cas to be one of the most insidious abusers in this show are what? What am I supposed to do with them?

It’s no fucking wonder the script says Dean can’t reciprocate! Because how could he? How can they really justify Dean expressing his frustration at being manipulated and lied to for 11 years at the beginning of the season and expressing undying romantic love at the end of the season?

But this isn’t about narrative sense. It’s about an ending. The whole season is about endings... and writings... and god and death to the author... The metas flying around about “god” and “the writers” are all spot on... And so, it doesn’t matter. The message is the story is what we make it, not what they do. And therefore, they call upon destiel as the greatest example of the fandom finding a story within the story that wasn’t being told.

Except that’s not true. Because it has been being told, just not with any intention of payoff. It’s been queerbaited and intentionally so. “It’s not queerbaiting if they make it canon” is a lie. It is still queerbaiting if they never intended to make it canon! And it’s not okay.

But here I am, two episodes to go and then that’s it. There are no other opportunities for them to make canon honor that unspoken promise to the viewers. This is it. And endings do matter. Despite the message of the season being generally that endings aren’t important. That the story, the push and pull, the free will of the characters to run away with the story and bring the writers and audience to new places, the interaction between audience and story and the life they run away with, that those are the important parts of stories and storytelling... But that just isn’t true. It’s a romantic notion that endings are just silly things we tack on our stories that confine us, that the real stories are within us... but we consume these stories for the payoff of the ending. An unsatisfactory ending can completely ruin a work; just ask HIMYM.

So then this is my last chance... My last chance to feel the release of payoff of a relationship I was intentionally inspired to care about without an intention of payoff. This is my last chance of vindication for all that emotional time and energy spent.

So I’m hopeful and I’m transported back to 2012 and 2013 when I cared. When I believed. When every week felt like a possibility. When it felt like it could really happen. And most importantly, when I wanted it to. Because I do want it to now. I have actively not wanted it to for 6 years, but now is my last chance and it very well might happen so now... I want it..

And the way they did it... With giving Cas his moment, but leaving it open for interpretation... IT’S SO CALLBACK QUEERBAIT. AND callback toxic Cas. Cas lays this on Dean and then yeets off? And tells Dean that it’s because Cas loves him that he’s going? Every single part of Dean’s emotional history and trauma makes that evil, but Cas does it to him? And I’m hoping he’s not mad for the sake of the payoff of the relationship?!?!?!??!?!

Are you fucking kidding me?

And then also I wanna circle back to the queerbait of it all. Misha acknowledged today that there’s some room for interpretation here. And I don’t know how that gets resolved in the final two episodes, if it does... BUT THAT’S THE FUCKING POINT!!! I will be watching live, as it airs, for the first time in 7 years, one week before I intended mind you, because I’m being baited with the promise and hope of explicit payoff that doesn’t leave room for interpretation???? And that’s not queerbaiting???

The whole thing is ridiculous and manipulative and just generally awful, but I’m eating it up because I don’t really have the luxury of another choice. Because hoping for payoff is the best option I’ve got.

I hope I get to justify my past self and see all of that payoff and feel that vindication for the part of me that loved destiel, but I consider destiel to be the number 1 thing that ruined the show for me. So it will be a hollow victory, for sure. And that’s if there’s even a victory, which isn’t a guarantee.

I just feel so used right now.

#long post #destiel #spn #personal #i'm really sorry for the length of this #i just had to get it out

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sperenity · 4 years

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Inanimate Insanity Episode 14 Analysis

SPOILERS GALORE!

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Okay.

This episode was nuts. I mean, need I say that I was expecting it? I knew the egg was going to reveal itself since it was cracking, but I thought there was something in there, not some being that happened to be the egg itself.

The opening. Oh, the opening. I was seriously impressed. It hooked me to watch more of it. I really liked the black-and-white effects as well as the ominous tone put on it.

I was also surprised to see Fan have a role in the episode, and it was refreshing to hear some of the eliminated contestants’ voices again. For a moment, I thought the eliminated contestants were going to exit the hotel and watch the show or something.

Seeing MePhone4 acting outside of his role as the host was thrilling as well, especially that he nearly discontinued the show.

Inanimate Insanity could have ended right there.

Oh, and MePad’s resignment was a shocker too.

I thought that Test Tube was going absolutely crazy here, which probably is true anyway. Her usefulness has reached a peak and she is riding the wave. I was also surprised to see how Fan suddenly appeared to take the egg back, and the contestants shared the same reaction as mine, too. Nice attention to detail! It was cute that the egg stopped “crying” once Fan interacted. I thought Fan was recognized as the father here.

When MePhone4 glitch-generated a Living Room set, I thought that somebody was going to be there, but I was also confused when he generated random things later, too. But as of writing this, I realized the sounds were not only the eggs’ way of calling their mothership, but also likely a defense mechanism against Cobs’ creations, and MePhone4 is one of them. Yet MePad was unaffected. Perhaps Cobs upgraded their hardware?

Suitcase’s depiction of her anxiety was also neat. The minimalist flashing as the crack grew. That was neat. I thought her snapping back at Test Tube was a symptom of it, considering her sudden defensive stance.

The fight with the spaceship was absolutely epic. MePhone4′s quick wit, his command to the contestants to save Fan (Though I think it’s to save himself from lawsuits once again), and Test Tube’s Tazer-powered Telescope Bazooka against the ship was absolutely wicked. Also, I just realized that the reason Cobs asked for a spaceship from MePhone4 is so Cobs could go after them.

The update of the dock from Kick The Bucket was absolutely glorious as well. I really liked the detail, it was almost serene.

Imagine my surprise when I saw Taco already ambush and incapacitate MePad in the background while Microphone was talking. And finding out later that Mic’s speech was in-sync with what Taco is doing.

When I saw the Egg’s transformation, I was anticipating the moment that whatever was inside was going to come out. I even thought the eyes were glowing from the darkness inside until I saw hovering. Then, I was confused. Utterly confused about what the ex-egg was. I thought Fan would possibly be imprinted as the father of what turned out to be an actual being as well. When Fan was bound by chains, I certainly thought the leader was going to send him to his death (even if he did anyway, MePhone4 would recover him.)

Then, Test Tube intervened.

The alien species (which are referred to as The Shimmers), then told their backstory of the “oppressor” (which was what I wasn’t expecting, honestly, but flashbacks from Theft and Battery ensued). At first, I didn’t know that the presentation on The leader Shimmer’s face was a depiction of the MePhones 1 through 3GS (I later realized that Steve Cobs may have discarded 3GS with the intent to destroy which was why it was so scared the previous episode).

Fan interacts with the Baby Shimmer, the group shares a laugh, a wholesome moment there...

Then, Test Tube explodes and Taco’s reflection is shown (I later find out she and Mic teleported to the ship). It was like an epic moment where the spy from an action movie shows off their tricks. Then, I thought the ship flew away with the group inside before I remembered Taco using Mepad for teleportation.

When Microphone came with Fan... It was a sight to see MePhone4 acting all excited for the first time in quite a while. Also, I did NOT expect Microphone to retaliate against Taco by mentioning Taco’s history with Pickle, then ultimately quitting the alliance by shutting her out. What a way to go there, and what an arc. I wonder what’s gonna happen next with Taco. Will she ever be found out?

Then, the elimination. Honestly, at this point, I wasn’t expecting an elimination to happen considering how far off the show’s original format has gone. It was cool to see that it still retains its original flair. Imagine my surprise when I saw Microphone willfully choose herself to be eliminated. Does this even make II the same? Yes. But, actually, no? Honestly, I was somewhat relieved that there ended up being a double elimination. I think it suggests a deeper tension in the show’s coming climax.

Then, Lightbulb’s goodbye. Oh, that scene. That actually made me feel. Over many episodes, Lightbulb was the comic relief that everyone loved. She joked with her friends, especially with Paintbrush. Now, all her friends are eliminated. I wonder if that means her comic relief arc is over. If it isn’t, what else is there? For now, she’s gonna have to cope with her reality of being a finalist.

After the credits scene, in which I thought the music was pretty catchy (especially in contrast to the past episode’s more ominous tone), I was happy to see Toilet appear again. I had been so focused on what was happening that I actually forgot about him. Then, the crashed ship.

Then, MePhoneX.

I felt chills when I saw him. Adam was doing a great job making each design more advanced and intimidating than the previous, but this one is through the roof. I was not expecting another MePhone installment to happen. Should I even call this a running gag, or is this one actually so intimidating that it doesn’t constitute to humor at all? I thought I was going to leave a bit empty, but this one made me think the wait for the next episode is going to be worth it.

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CONCLUSION/THEORIES

The relevation of the egg was certainly a surprise, much less expecting. However, I am a little disappointed that there was nothing inside the egg. I liked the buildup from Fan acquiring up to its hatching, but considering the amount of priority that was put into it and not that the egg was used for comic relief, I really expected the relevation to be overly dramatic and possibly change the course of the show or expand the II universe (which it did in both scenarios, but still.). This doesn’t mean that I dislike the direction the show is taking now. It was just such a dramatic change that it makes me feel such a way that doesn’t make me excited but rather makes me sober? I’m not saying the writers made a mistake, I love Inanimate Insanity’s creativity and I’m looking forward for more. It’s just not exactly my cup of tea.

MePhoneX is a creation you do not want to mess around with. It is obvious by now that this one is created by Steve Cobs. The earlier MePhones, except for the last couple, were bent on destroying MePhone4, and it was heavily implied that Cobs sent them out to destroy MePhone4. This creation should be no different. However, MePhoneX is not only sent out to destroy MePhone4, he is sent to destroy the entire reality show and the contestants with it, along with going after The Shimmers. If MePhoneX doesn’t destroy 4, he might force him to create a spaceship and enslave the contestants, including the former ones from Hotel OJ, to aid in Cobs’ capture of The Shimmers. Also, everyone’s assumed that the MePhones get dumber with each installment, but I believe that this X installment is one above all. It is designed in such a way that exceeds every preceding generation. In other words, this one is not stupid.

Also, I have noticed that this show still has its BFDI inspirations. The shaking, the loopy mannerisms, and the unexpected humor is, to me, a callback to the witty and eccentric humor that is shown consistently throughout the Huang twins’ show.

Overall, this show is taking a turn. I am actually enthralled that it still hasn’t let up. Especially after my departure from the OSC and coming back. I now eagerly wait for the next episode even if it’s going to take months.

UPDATES: I also realized that MePhone4 is beginning to have a personal connection to the contestants. What if his cruel tactics shown in season 1 and 2 are a result of his trauma with Cobs? I don’t know if he ever will, but considering his backstory, I can’t help but imagine that MePhone4 is actually moving forward.

Also, there was almost no frustration evident in Taco’s reaction to her plan failing. It was full of emotional surprise. Did she ever see Microphone as a friend rather than an “ally”?

I can’t get it out of my head that MePhone4 still has 4S’ model after the finale of season 1. I really hope the writers don’t throw him away. It’s confusing to know that MePhone4 has 4S’ model and still have the kind of Gemories that 4 had in his original model.

#II #Inanimate insanity #ii episode 14 #ii spoilers #osc #object show community #analysis

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virtual-toast · 3 years

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Scream Queens VH1 recap - Season 1 Episode 2

Michelle, Sarah, Kylah, and Jessica come back from the grand ballroom and the rest of the girls are shocked and/or pissed that Jo-Anne went home instead of Kylah. Lindsay says “This house will mourn the loss of Jo-Anne” and Sarah, in tears, calls her “such a sensational actress”, which are both super melodramatic reactions, you knew Jo-Anne for three days, but okay. Meanwhile Kylah has no idea why everyone is upset that she’s still there haha.

The following day sees Kylah declaring the house has been divided into the “queen bitches” (herself, Michelle, Lina, and Angela) and the “more homely girls” (Marissa, Lindsay, and Sarah). I’m assuming she’s put Tanedra and Jessica in the latter category too but she doesn’t mention them specifically. The bitchy girls talk shit about the other girls behind their backs, specifically about how they think Sarah didn’t deserve to win the previous episode, that she’s ugly and annoying, etc.

The girls meet up with Shawnee who tells them they have 15 minutes to dress themselves up and impress a casting director (Kelly Wagner, who seems pretty cool tbh) with the winner getting a guaranteed callback. While getting ready, Michelle and Angela mention that if the winner is not one of the bitchy girls, the competition must be rigged. An awful lot of confidence for week 2, lol.

The girls go back into the room with Shawnee and meet Kelly. They take turns doing a sort of one on one interview / audition, which I’m gonna summarise in dot points because they each get a small amount of screen time:

Lindsay talks about being a child actor and Kelly says that means she probably actually has a harder job than someone just starting out. Lindsay is wearing a weird sort of frilly top and skirt with polka dots but it somehow doesn’t really work for her shape, and Kelly mentions it as well as Shawnee straight up calling her frumpy. True, but also, rude.

Lina goes up and immediately shakes Kelly’s hand. She doesn’t even get a word out before Kelly is like “yeah no, don’t shake casting directors’ hands, personal space / germs” etc.

Kylah talks about playing Price is Right with her brother which Kelly says is a bad choice because she’s automatically associating herself with being a model rather than an actress. Kylah proceeds to mention that she wants to “get ugly, get dirty, like Halle Berry did in Monster.” cringe

Marissa gets up and starts off on this huge spiel about how horror films are like modern Greek tragedies and everyone is just staring at her like GIRL WHAT.

Michelle introduces herself and Kelly asks if she primarily does theatre because of her big personality. Michelle proceeds to brag about being Miss Teen Texas.

Jessica is wearing a smart-casual outfit of jeans and a simple white top with her trademark giant hoop earrings. Kelly comments on her look being unique. Jessica is kinda speaking like a cute little girl who doesn’t want to let the evil out??

Angela mentions how she thinks she has the stereotypical horror “look”. Her outfit isn’t relevant but I have to mention it anyway - it honestly looks like she cut the top off a blue evening gown to wear as a shirt?? and then just jeans. Like idk.

Sarah introduces herself and Kelly immediately comments on her unique nasally voice.

Tanedra tells Kelly that she has no formal training. Kelly says “And you think you can beat out all these girls?” and Tanedra’s like YES. Fuck yeah get it girl.

So Kelly goes ahead and gives her overall impressions - Kylah has no personality, Angela has the best horror look, Lindsay looks like the best friend rather than the leading lady, Marissa is the one she didn’t remember, and she liked Jessica’s personal style. Ultimately she gives Jessica the guaranteed callback, and also sends Lindsay and Marissa for makeovers which Michelle finds hilarious.

The girls go back into the house and Kylah proceeds to have a tantrum about not winning, stating that if the casting director was a man the results would have been different. But get this, she DOES NOT CHANGE EXPRESSION THE ENTIRE TIME. Even when she’s yelling “I’M ABOUT TO CRY” she literally just has this blank look on her face like is she actually made of wax?? Meanwhile Lindsay and Marissa have their makeovers, Lindsay gets a cool short reverse A-line bob cut and looks really badass, while Marissa gets her hair dyed jet black and cut in choppy layers. It looks fine but you can tell by her face Marissa is not happy.

The girls go to Homa’s class and since the week is all about first impressions, they have to do freeze frame shots of particular expressions, I guess so they can see what they actually look like vs. what they think they look like or something. Most of the girls do pretty well, Tanedra kills it again, Marissa bombs, and Kylah once again LITERALLY DOES NOT CHANGE EXPRESSION. What the fuck.

Back at the house the girls are all gushing over Lindsay and Marissa’s makeovers, Michelle voices her jealousy despite earlier thinking it was hilarious, and Angela is mad that she’s no longer the only one with her “look”, even though she and Marissa don’t look the same at all, the only similarity is the colour of their hair?? Marissa goes and has a cry about her hair because she’s now lost all her confidence and honestly it’s actually kinda sad / hard to watch.

The next day they find one of the rooms in the house has been filled with creepy dolls and of course one of them is actually a person that jumps out and scares them because omg what a funny prank haha. The “doll” tells them their director’s challenge is a photoshoot which many of the girls are stoked about. They’re basically given generic horror themes and have to shoot the poster. Dot points again!

Lina gets “Tie Die” and her costume is literally a length of rope that’s wrapped around her. She immediately cracks the shits and goes into full blown diva mode, complaining about her costume, how apparently difficult her theme is compared to other girls, telling the makeup and hair people how to do their jobs, etc. Whaaaaat, Lina is a bitch?? This is brand new information!! Unfortunately she still does a really good job with the photoshoot.

Lindsay gets “Blinded By the Fright” and her costume is a hospital gown and white contact lenses, which she has difficulty putting in but is EXTREMELY polite about it with the makeup lady (a nice juxtaposition to Lina’s bitch fest). Lindsay also does really well in the photoshoot.

Kylah gets “Thin Skin” which she comments sounds like a porno, lmao. Her costume is literally just black liquid latex painted all over her body and the other girls are fucking FROTHING with jealously. Kylah proceeds to completely bomb the challenge, giving absolutely no emotion and James literally has no idea how to direct her.

Michelle gets “Don’t Go in the Water” and is basically just wearing a bikini, but then James dumps a bottle of cold water all over her. She does really well in the photoshoot.

Sarah gets “Blood Skate”, her costume is just a bloody ice skating outfit, and she does okay.

Tanedra gets “Prom Scream”, she is wearing a bloody prom dress, and she does really well.

Jessica gets “The Butcher’s Girl” and she’s literally wearing a hat, gloves, no shirt, just an apron and shorts? And there’s blood? This one confuses me. She does okay.

Angela gets “Monster’s Wedding” which some of the other girls (correctly) complain is SUPER easy - she’s literally in a wedding dress posing with a bloody hand prop. She does fine but I mean all she has to do is stand there and smile??

Marissa gets “Mummy Maker” and she’s wrapped in what I assume are bandages but it looks like toilet paper? She’s pretty covered, including the bottom half of her face, and she’s supposed to be seductive but honestly it kinda just feels like an awkward interpretive dance??

The next day back at the house, Marissa vents to the other girls about her insecurity with her new hair. Like I know it’s just hair but it’s kinda sad, they completely changed her look which obviously fucks with her confidence. The girls get their photoshoot posters and everyone is stoked except Marissa (rightfully) and Lindsay, who basically has an anxiety attack and hates hers even though everyone is telling her how great it is. Whoo boy I relate to Lindsay so hard. Jessica reads the list which summons Marissa, Kylah, Lindsay, and Lina to the grand ballroom. They all think they’re at the bottom except Lina, who of course thinks she’s top shit.

In the grand ballroom, Lina gets pulled forward and despite doing well in the challenge, the judges straight up read her for being a bitch, which is hella satisfying let me tell you. Lindsay gets pulled forward and the judges tell her that she did an awesome job and that she needs to go easier on herself, before awarding her the week’s leading lady. Marissa and Kylah are predictably the bottom two, Marissa gets told she’s overthinking everything and Kylah just that she’s completely emotionless. Kylah gets the axe and Marissa lives another week.

Stay tuned for Season 1 Episode 3!

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