#the bibble

[mimeepossum]

Ion think The Priest actually like Chat all that much.

[iamfroggerzzz]

thick shake

(anon request)

[pretentious-art-love]

Book Reviews #42 - 2 Samuel (The Bible Book 10)

2 Samuel is one of the books with a single character through the whole narrative, but despite how it is called, it is not Samuel, but David.

To be honest, despite we had more of an actual plot here and there was some action, I found myself quite bored with the thing because it all felt like pro David fanfiction/propaganda. Everything went right for him and he just kept winning until chapter 11 when he finally fucks up. Ha! In chapter 11, he finally fucks up and kills one of his soldiers to marry his wife! That is some fucked up shit! And the chapter ends with this deliciously ominous omen. "Adonai saw what David did as evil." I said, finally! We are going to get some dark shit! David is gonna get what is coming to him! HA! HE DID! HE FUCKED UP! HE FUCKED UP! And I was ecstatic.

Nothing happens to him related to this event at all after that, though.

Like COME ON!!!! Saul is a little impatient and God abandons him, but David comits adultery and rape and it's all good! This is boring!

There are things that happen to him that are quite interesting though, particularly the saga of Absalom, a hero who, after his sister is abused by a fiend, decides to take revenge on his hands, David banishes him because he rather have people keep justice on his hands but then thanks to someone he comes back but David keeps him on limbo, so Absalom starts a conspiracy to raise into power! David flees and things finally get interesting! Ha! I love revenge stories!

Absalom dies after his head gets stuck on a tree.

AHHHHG! IM DONE WITH THIS BOOK! All the interesting stuff is so anticlimatic, and really? A tree? Look it up, Absalom's death, there are many many paintings of the event, but it doesn't seem like anyone was able to show something that was actually plausible, it is just looney, really, a tree? He hangs there long enough for someone to tell others what is happening, have a discussion, and another person to come back and kill him, David doesn't just have plot armor, his adversaries have anti armor, it is boring, you aren't learning anything about anything other than the writers really liked David. He was just your first King Arthur but less of a cuck.

I am curious about Achitofel though because that guy kills himself after people stop following his advice and it seems to have had a grudge but I find the whole thing incredibly mysterious.

Also, two curious things, two rather very very curious things, Adonai asks David for a child he has beccause of his evil deed, and the child dies incredibly sick, also they kill and hang 7 men during a famine. For a God that is really against child sacrifices, that event is rather queer. See what I'm talking about? Religion means nothing, man.

How to identify a Gary Stu, if a Gary Stu can do everything and his flaws are mostly moral instead of issues with abilities, and when he fails morally, he is spared with a reduced sentence, or a sentence that is rather indirect, he is a Gary Stu. All interesting characters suffer, and I feel empty inside. At the end David does a census and Adonai brings a slaughter, which is either some chapters are missing from the manuscript, or they noticed David was too OP and they wanted to show he suffers from the rage of Adonai too, they just couldn't make him fuck up again because he is David. It's dumb.

To me, it's all about Shimei, Absalom and Ritzpah.

3/10

[defibrinationsyndrome]

throwback to when i had to do like 20 'elearning' courses before starting work and they hit me with this

[shadowbrightshine]

Hello and welcome to yet another youtube comment that killed me

[ironedsleeper]

The ocean is so big god said “Im not just gonna put squids in this, Im gonna secret squids in this”

[wtf-tfw]

THE BIBBLE: PART TWO

Life out in the Wasteland (Nastyville as they called it) was rough on Tinkle-Adam and Peeve. Nastyville brought many a surprise, which are best presented as a list.

THE FIRST SURPRISE

The first bad thing to occur in Nastyville was the fleas. Tinkle-Adam had an absolutely incorrigible encounter with a flock of fleas. The fleas were total dickbags. Tinkle-Adam was like "Oh hello there, wonderful creatures!" In that corny-ass Australian way he spoke. And the fleas were totally disrespectful, even though they were in the presence of a lady. "Who the fuck are you? You look like me nan comin' back from the cleaners with her wig all fooked up mate! Get your greasy, kebab-sucking ass out of here!" the fleas replied, vulgarly, and in unison. Tinkle-Adam was agape. He had heard the swears of Gobbler back in the garden frequently, but these words felt bad... These words felt like they had never been heard by God's ears, and they were cruel and bitter and sharp, and they made Tinkle-Adam's tummy hurt. At these first cruel words uttered, Peeve knew that she must become hardened to the world if she was going to survive. So she decided to develop a New Jersey accent to keep herself safer. She started to repeat the forbidden words back to the fleas, but it was of no use. Tinkle-Adam had stood agape for too long, and the fleas had taken their opportunity. Into the wet, cavernous mouth they went!

THE SECOND SURPRISE

The second surprise was the complete and utter lack of affordable birth control and contraceptives. Like what was this, the middle ages? It was a damned shame that this was God's world. God's sister would not have done them this way. One plus of wandering the dusty, sulfur-stinking dirty earth was that the shame inflicted upon the couple by the Real Normal Devil from the Bible was easy to forget. That bad memory faded away under the hot summer sun. In time, the two found other things to focus on other than their weird penises, for example, finding potable water and safe food to eat. Peeve popped in to a CVS to try and pick up her birth control perscription, but the damned snakes running the joint never seemed to have it in stock somehow. So they would instead buy a couple cases of bottled water. And they would wander the desert, going from drugstore to drugstore, plastic water bottles trailing behind them. Tinkle-Adam had become a thirsty little bugger since he was infected with Internal Fleas. "At least you aren't infected with Eternal Fleas", Peeve said, trying to keep things light. Tinkle-Adam found this casual funny remark to be extremely attractive, but dense as he was, he had caught on to the notion that getting freaky out here meant Consequences. The two decided that it was just too bad. They wept together, and decided that it was what Gobbler would have wanted them to do. So once more they freaked it, this time next to a cactus, and a Walgreens.

THE THIRD AND SECOND-THIRD SURPRISE

This surprise came in the form of two weird slimy monkeys that crawled out of Peeve's hoo-ha. "What in God's name are you?" Tinkle-Adam interrogated the little boogers. "I am the First One" one said. "And I am the Second," said the other, "We are yours now, and you must name us." Tinkle-Adam gasped. "Peeve, I didn't know that's how that worked. Is that how it works?" Peeve shook her head solemnly. "Aye, it is. You name the one on the left and I will name the one on the right." And so it was done. The one on the left, a rosy little cherub with toes like silver and a thorax like an angel, was called Cable, after something that Tinkle-Adam and Peeve always wanted but could never afford. The one on the right, a shivering wet anthropomorphic beaver-Yorkie crossbreed, was named Pain, after the feeling that Peeve felt when she had to look at him.

Those were really the main surprises in Nastyville. That and the fact that God? Was not here at all. It seems like he just made all this stuff and completely forgot about it. Which was kind of totally lame. There weren't even instant boyfriend capsules or sailboats or any of that awesome stuff out here. Just generally inhospitable architecture sprinkled into a vast, cartoonish chasm of sand and dust and plastic detritus.

Peeve began to get a serious itching in her stomach and brain. She thought maybe she was getting some sort of serious illness, but then she realized that it was actually just the feeling that she wanted to settle down, because trekking aimlessly through the desert, collecting sand on her thick eyelids was no longer cutting it, especially with these two greasy little ragamuffins dangling off her boibies at all times. Things were getting Domestic in Nastyville. So settled they did. After a brief discussion, Tinkle-Adam agreed to become the homemaker, feeding the babies a strict diet of milled cornhusks and Debbie's breast milk. Peeve got a job at the Godforsaken CVS, where she mined penis enlargement pills out of a hole in the backroom. Every now and then she would take home a few for her darling husband to nibble on. And that is how they ended up with three additional babies later on: another boy called Shitt, a sweet little girl named Epipen, and a fugly jaundiced shrimp named Crab.

But those three names matter not yet... for the next story that was worth a damn was about the young boys growing up in Nastyville. The ones known as Pain and Cable.

[sosuaveh]

Sometimes I do things like read old books on my tiktok. Like it and want more? There's a link somewhere.

[huebibble]

I feel like Medic would have done this when doing his first physical examinations of the mercs

[cromerone001]

Here it is! It only took damn ages! :D Comic 5/5

#GravityFalls #AnimosityAU #AnimosityBill #mrbillpinesau #dreamcaptorau #DeityBillCipher #StarfallsAU #euclydiarises #euclydiafoundau #MegalomaniacFord #HandymanBill #StanfordPines #BillCipher #humanbillcipher #billford #BibbleAu #reversefalls #gfreverenceau #MangoBill #PyramidSteve #OverlordsAU #RewiredAU #axolotl #MemoryLossBill #staticford #UniversityAU #TherapistBill #fiddleford #GravityFallsAu #simplebill

DeityBillCipher/Star Falls AU: @fazfuri

GFSorememory AU: @HanakoRan2009

Dreamcaptor AU: @NeonRoss_

Overlords AU: @aeli_tan_art

gfreverence AU: @SleepyLios

University AU: @bitzzoxl

grandpyramids AU: @Ohthuh @audieaudieaudie

MrBillPines AU: @Honeqqu

Euclydiarises AU: @orxinus

Euclydiafound AU: @Raven_Anime_

HandymanBill AU: @LosanPostle & @waty_mot

Bibble AU: @Mr_Cl0wn_

RewiredAU:@NostalgInk

Ford and Bills as shapes: @imokfyn TherapistBill: @sopkambingsoto

Bill shape form: @Strangersees

Human Bills:

@Toospooky4u1 @spoonyspinee @donniipao @bitzzoxl @Honeqqu @tesscourtes @NostalgInk @fazfuri

Axolotl's:

@izktpeak @JozlynMoon @fazfuri

[total-takes-island-takes]

Frollibble eliminated gidgette style...

amazing idea

[dumpster2001]

more Barbie art ✨

[localfrogwitch]

[sun-citadel]

Jesus meets a time traveler.

[elllapa]

I like the Barbie's gay mermaid movie a lot actually