#the book…… hmmm I don’t think I’d like the book based on the perception I have that SA is used as a plot device for the main female lead

[daydadahlias]

Me before you is one of his saddest movies I literally cry like a baby but its one of my favourite romance movies

Ok so I watched this movie last night and I definitely enjoyed looking at Sam Claflin and I thought the actors had AMAZINGGGG chemistry so it was a genuinely wonderfully fun watch until the last, like, ten minutes…. But taking that into consideration,, I will say, personally, that I’m quite tired of the narrative pushed by Hollywood that disabled people would rather die than live disabled.

Like, I’m actually entirely pro assisted suicide, so it’s nothing to do with the ethical implications of that or saying he shouldn’t have exercised this right but entirely to do with the fact that this author clearly just… didn’t do her research. Or really… talk to many disabled people from what I gathered (like saying he had a C12 injury which,, isn’t real)? Like, I watched the most beautiful documentary about disabled people’s sex lives over the summer for my human sexuality class and all of those people were so fucking happy to be alive. Like, genuinely all of them.

And I’m not saying that stories like this can’t be told because I do think it’s nice to see all perspectives on a topic and all different narratives about people’s different lives… but I think it’s sad that I can’t think of any media where disabled people are just… people who get to live happy lives. And who get to have good sex with the people they love… So, like, I enjoyed watching the movie for the most part but I did find the ending just inherently disappointing. Just because the existing pool of disabled romance is already so small, I don’t know why it all needs to be like that.

[definitelynotkatesblog]

Illustrated Man l Spencer Reid Fic

Pairing: Reader x Spencer Reid 

Category: Fluff

Summary: Spencer comes home from a particularly difficult case, and begins to doubt himself. Reader helps him unwind and helps paint a picture of all the great things about him.

A/N: Helloooooooo friends! Yet again, I thought of a single line of dialogue I really wanted to make work so I spit a thousand words around it to bring it to life lol. Anyways! This fic is free of reader pronouns and gender identifiers, so anyone can read this and make the “I”‘a their own ☺️

P.S. I’ll see what I can do about not disappearing again for weeks on end, but I make no promises

Content warning: None! Except Spencer has his shirt off? But that’s it!

WC: 2.4k

The sound of the door clicking shut and Spencer vacating his lungs of all air drew my head up from my book.

“You’re home!” I cheered, closing my book and getting up to greet him.

He lifted his satchel over his head and gave me a small smile that didn’t touch his eyes. I nodded, mostly to myself, knowing that this meant the case was harder than most. On nights like this, Spencer was hard to reach. I padded my way across the living room and wrapped my arms around him like he might slip away if I didn’t hold him tight enough.

I pulled his head down to rest on my shoulder as his arms snaked around me, wrapping himself in me, too. We stayed like that a while until he stood up and cupped my cheeks in his hands, bringing my face up for a kiss.

‘Hi,” he said softly.

I smiled into his palms. “Hi.”

I took his hands in mine and kissed his knuckles, then led him to our bedroom to get him out of his work clothes. I helped him out of his cardigan and dress shirt, then left him to do the rest while I got him some water. When I returned, he was laying face down across the bed in a pair of sweatpants. His head rested on his crossed arms, and turned to face me when I laid next to him on the bed. I propped my head up one arm and gave him a half smile.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

He thought for a moment before giving me a recap of the case, leaving out the gruesome details. I listened and ran my fingers across his back, alternating scratches with swirling patterns on the soft skin. Sometimes my hand would find itself at the nape of his neck and work through the hair there.

As he spoke, his voice became more resolved and tired. He worked so hard, but the things he saw, the things this job had put him through weighed on him. He was strong and incredibly smart, but just because he carried it well didn’t mean the load wasn’t heavy.

I took a deep breath and spoke gently, not wanting to offend him. “Maybe you can take some time off?” I suggested.

He shook his head, his chin brushing his hands folded under his chin.

“The team needs me. These victims and their families need me.”

I bit my tongue. I needed him, too. But this was hardly the time to bring that up.

“But this job,” he paused for a moment before continuing, “It takes pieces of me I can’t get back, and I’m scared all I am is the parts I’ve managed to pick up off of the ground.”

I closed my eyes and wished away the tears forming in my eyes. I heard him take a deep breath but he didn’t say anything else.

“I have an idea. Stay there.”

His head lifted and his eyes followed me around the room to our closet where my painting supplied resided.

“I’m going to paint you.”

“Paint me?”

I turned around, a towel in one hand and my box of paints and brushes in the other. “Yes. You’re gonna lay here and talk to me about anything in the world and I’m going to paint you.”

His eyes scanned the contents of my hands. I could see the gears in his head turning for a moment before he shrugged and gave a small nod.

“Okay.”

I ran a hand through his hair and bent down to kiss his forehead before climbing on the bed and straddling his thighs, setting my supplies on the towel beside us. “Talk to me.”

His head cocked to the side as he contemplated his answer.

“Not about work,” I clarified.

I felt his laugh beneath me. “Okay then, what would you like me to tell you about?”

I tapped my bottom lip with the handle of my paintbrush. “Hmmm. Read any good books lately?”

I could feel his smile without seeing it. If there was one thing Spencer loved more than saving lives and doing crossword puzzles in pen, it was reading. “I revisited some Ray Bradbury on the plane home,” he said.

“Mmm, tell me about it.”

He took a deep breath beneath me and began. “I re-read The Illustrated Man. It’s a compilation of short stories told through interactions between an omniscient narrator and a man covered in tattoos that each tell tales of events that have not happened yet. The tattoos are magic, and they come alive to tell the stories they depict. The stories are mostly science fiction, but have elements of pretty universal truths that Bradbury is famous for addressing.

For example, in one story explores the deep seeded longing of one man to take a trip to outer space. Something that, in this story, is attaintanable. He works his whole life to be able to fulfill this yearning, but he is torn between going or staying with his family, whom he also loves. It begs the question of the existence of duality of desire and duty.

Then, in another, there’s this incessant rain. And this group of men are searching for cover and sunshine, but it’s wearing them down and breaking them. These small raindrops, just water, becomes torture. It’s interesting how something as small as raindrops can break both canyons and men.”

I listen as he tells me about each story behind the man’s tattoos, about how they’re all different but important and lend themselves to portraying the then-futuristic perception world around us. Sometimes, his voice gets sad at the implications of the stories, but other times he seems to appreciate the sentiment behind them.

I dip my brushes and admire the way they drag across his soft skin, leaving a wake of vibrant pigments behind. I hmm and ahhh at appropriate times, partially paying attention but mostly glad that he’s able to enjoy himself and is able to think of something other than the darkness in his world.

We stayed in our respective positions for the better part of an hour- him laying on the bed with his head on his hands while I straddled the back of his thighs, stroking brushes across the lines of his back.

When I’m finally finished, I roll my neck and place my hands on the small of his back, taking a moment to take it in. The idea of creating a universe compelled me; there was so much beauty and so much unknown in the expanse of space. The concept seemed fitting for what I hoped to help him understand. I’d mixed a navy blue paint for a base, and created swirls of light with yellows, creams, and whites to create a brighter contrast and background for the more intricate featured parts. One section had books, a coffee cup, a molecular model I’d hoped was an actual chemical, and a small red apple.

The next was a canyon, modeled after one of the scenic drives we’d taken the last time we visited Vegas to see his mom at her new care facility. We parked at a lookout spot and watched the sun set- gorgeous oranges, yellows, and pinks painted the sky over the rock. It was at that moment I’d never been more jealous of Spencer’s perfect memory.

Another section, closer to the bottom curve of his spine was a silhouette outline of the Christmas card the team had sent out two years ago. Spencer had a copy hanging by a CalTech magnet on the fridge, another on his desk, and a folded and fading copy in his wallet.

He loved that photo – the way it captured their joyous spirits and ability to be carefree despite the things that initially brought them together.

I took a deep breath and playfully patted his bottom. “All done!”

He threw a boyish grin over his shoulder and handed me his phone.

I snapped a few pictures, holding the phone up by my chin to capture the expanse of his back, then a bit closer to the individual parts. I passed the phone back over his shoulder and brought my clasped hands up under my chin. “Okay, so, if you don’t like it, that’s okay you can wash-” I rushed, but stopped short when I felt his breath hitch from underneath me.

He was silent for a moment, staring at the phone in his hand.

I took a deep breath. “Spencer, you contain multitudes. You’re a loving son, an amazing friend, a brilliant profiler, a great cat-sitter, an instant mashed potato extraordinaire, and my favorite boyfriend.”

I dusted an invisible speck of dust off his shoulder before continuing, giving my words a moment to sink in. I needed him to hear me, and to know these truths. “You are so much more than the things you don’t love about yourself. You are more than this job, you are more than the obstacles you’ve had to overcome. They’re a part of who you are, yeah, but they’re not all that you are.”

I shook my head, though he couldn’t see it. The knowledge of the man beneath me not knowing he was deeply loved seemed so wrong.

“You are so incredibly loved, Spencer. The people in your life are so lucky to know you and to be loved by you. Each and every one of your friends is changed and is better for having known you, believe me.”

He was silent for a short while, pinching and zooming in on the screen to see the different parts of him illustrated in his skin. He cleared his throat a few times. Part of me was grateful I couldn’t see his face, and he couldn’t seem mine. Though, I didn’t need to see the way his mind was working to know he was trying to find a flaw in my logic.

The amount of love I had for the man beneath me threatened to spill over in the form of tears.

“Favorite boyfriend?” he asked finally, feigning insult.

I laughed. “So far, yeah.”

I knew that wasn’t the only thing he’d heard, but probably was the only thing he could bring himself to comment on.

I scrambled off of my perch unceremoniously, stretching for a moment before straightening up and offering my hand. He laid with his chin resting on his fists stacked, staring at me for a moment.

“What?” I asked with a small huff.

“Being loved by you is one of the greatest joys of my life.”

I felt my mouth pop open, a bit taken aback at such a bold admission. A sweet smile touched his lips while he watched me try to scoop my heart back into my chest. He climbed off the bed gingerly, careful not to rock the tray of paint and brushes with his long limbs.

His large hand wrapping around mine grounded me from cloud nine and I could feel the smile forming on my lips. I turned and started heading towards the bathroom.

“Come,” I said, pulling him along behind me.

When we arrived in the small room, I halted and spun him so the back of his thighs were resting against the porcelain countertop and I was flush against his front. My hands came to rest on the edges of the countertop, caging him between my arms. I looked up at him, squinting slightly.

“I’d like to take a picture, is that okay?”

I knew Spencer was wary of having his picture taken; most of our pictures together were candids I’d puppy eyed my way into him letting me keep.

He narrowed his eyes back at me. My lower lip made an appearance, coupled with a knitted brow and cautious look from under my lashes.

He laughed and shook his head. “Okay.”

Before he could change his mind, I grabbed my phone and rushed back to my place in front of him, pressing my front to his.

I snaked my arms around his torso so our chests were together while his back bearing my painting faced the mirror. My arms poking out from between his arm and torso space made him look like an alien, but placing one hand on his hip while the other held my phone gave the pose a more artistic feel.

I snapped a few pictures, messing with the lighting and exposure, playing with shadows from the vanity and positioning him every which way. Every once in a while, I’d pull my arms from him and show him a few shots I liked but they never felt like the one.

He smiled and nodded encouragingly, taking my direction to tilt this way or arch his shoulder that way. I started to feel for him, we’d been there for 15 minutes at least.

I pouted and let my head fall back dramatically. “I give up,” I whined.

He gave a small smile and leaned down to kiss me. I met his lips with a smile of my own before resting my head against his chest.

“Try one more time,” he encouraged.

I nodded and wrapped my arms around him again. I poked my head out so it was just visible behind his arm, resting my chin on his bicep as I focused my phone camera to capture the two of us and my work on his back.

“Smile,” I said before snapping a few shots. Spencer’s body shook with his laugh as he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of my head. My thumb grazed the shutter button, capturing the moment.

It was perfect.

His back was illuminated perfectly by the soft glow of the vanity mirror lighting, the muscles in his back tensed when he bent down, creating dips and curves that separated the focus points brilliantly. My hand wasn’t posed, just gently resting on his hip, a soft touch that lent itself perfectly to the lightness of the moment.

I pulled myself from around him and held the phone between us. His hand found the small of my back and he pulled me closer to him, sealing our lips together. Our lips were unhurried, enjoying the softness of the moment and the love between us. His free hand cupped my cheek as we broke apart. His eyes bore into mine, both pairs slightly glossy.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

I nodded and buried my head into his chest so he wouldn’t see the fresh tears springing in my eyes. His arms wrapped around me as he pressed more kisses to the top of my head.

——

Let’s talk about it!

[zuzuslastbraincell]

Ty lee (i feel like i havent seen many of you ty lee thots)

honestly love her!! tbh i don’t have many that others haven’t said more clearly and more interestingly

Why I like them

she’s a character with lots of hidden motives, depths, and complexity, who guards her true thoughts and opinions quite closely, but simultaneously *is* what she advertises herself as: a happy-go-lucky girl. like i don’t think her cheerfulness and her enthusiasm for auras and spirituality is entirely inauthentic - it’s just that she’s adept at using her own enthusiasm to mask her real feelings and thoughts. like there’s a lot to her there.

Why I don’t

i mean, she props up an imperialist coup of ba sing se by stealing the disguises of warriors who honour the avatar. objectively not good. 

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

oh, the beach, hands down. we finally get to see a glimpse of what troubles and upsets ty lee, and how she struggles. we also get to see her angry, instead of hiding negative emotions through evasion.

Favorite season/movie

book two. oh sure book three adds depth and complexity but we barely see her. book two just has so many good lines and moments - the clumps or tufts debate, the first time we see how devastating chi blocking is, the match against the kyoshi warriors (underrated), all the stuff with the drill... classic honestly.

Favorite line

okay if i’m honest “you’re not prettier than us!” at the kyoshi warriors cracks me up. i know it’s a line that is almost definitely written by misogynists who believe beauty/prettiness is central to girls/women and how they see themselves and how they should see themselves, but when you remove that context it’s just so jarring and it screams baby gay to me, or some kind of issues that need to be sorted out.

Favourite outfit

oh she looks great as a kyoshi warrior! love her there :)

OTP

okay i love mailee and tysuki equally for different reasons.

mailee i love because the whole concept of love being about communication and building your own language and finding ways to speak only to each other is key to it, especially given the toxic environment they are in s2-3 with azula, they’re incapable of being honest with words and have to communicate in other ways. but also i think there’s a lot of good angst potential. as well as hiding it from azula, they have so little time to themselves, and are so often surveilled, that it is difficult to ascertain each other’s feelings. they’re not sure of whether they can trust *each other*, and there’s a sense of them wanting to reach out and confirm but not being able to... this is complicated further by mai’s relationship to zuko, which does ty lee read as genuine or as one of azula’s manipulations? when mai betrays azula for zuko, does ty lee ever expect to be loved back? the idea of them together is super sweet like goth/pink gfs rights but there’s depth there... complexity

as for tysuki, it’s like... this is very much an *interpretation* of how it could go down, but i love the idea that ty lee is able to find a sense of home and belonging and identity and selfhood in the kyoshi warriors, to build roots, to not just find herself but build herself, despite her expectations that it’d last six months to a year. and i love the idea of suki having an equal, who can take her in a fight, who can help her shoulder the difficulty of teaching and organising but brings some levity and mischief and fun back, after it feels like the war has sapped it out of them with responsibility after responsibility. i think suki’s groundedness could be exactly what ty lee needs and i think suki could do with a partner who can pull her own weight but also, make her smile. i like the idea too of ty lee really finding a place to call her home after all of the mess in the fire nation between her family and azula, away from all of that... it’s a little idyllic, but it’s what she needs. 

Brotp

oh ty lee & zuko!! there’s potential here, for sure. like zuko would need to see ty lee as more than ‘azula’s friend’, but they’re both emotional people who are outspoken about how they feel - it’s just zuko’s earnest and honest and wears his heart on his sleeve, whereas ty lee uses her reputation of ‘wearing her heart on her sleeve’ to hide it, & similar to how i think zuko’s inability to lie/emotional honesty is a big comfort and help to mai, i think it would similarly help ty lee. i really love the idea of these two in particular being able to talk about being hurt by azula together and help each other heal. but also i just like the ‘unlikely friendship’ dynamic of these two, and the possibility of zuko being able to overlook ty lee’s reputation to get to know her for real. they’ve both been overlooked/undervalued in their respective families, and both left the fire nation because of it (albeit in very different circumstance), are both well travelled and very independent for their respective ages, there’s definitely ‘on the road’ stories they could share, and both have struggled to find themselves in different ways. there’s a lot of common threads.

also i think ty lee & aang would be wonderful as well :) i think a lot of aang’s initial gaang - zuko, katara, and sokka - would probably want to head home after their adventures in the war, and i imagine aang ends up finding new companions to travel with. i like the idea of ty lee, after the kyoshi warriors, being one of these.

Head Canon

she’s a lesbian! :^)

just based off ‘the beach’ episode mainly, and how reluctant she seems around boys in that.

Unpopular opinion

hmmm i don’t think i have any?

A wish

asides from being happy and contented in general? would love to see her join aang’s second group of companions. i think toph, ty lee, aang, & potentially two new characters would be a really fun (and chaotic) little crew :^). also would just love her to realise the brotp potential with aang and zuko as outlined above, and get to date a nice girl of some kind.

OH I would also love more family background on her & exploration of the possible air nomad heritage ty lee theory, i’d love to see some of that. would make aang’s relationship even more meaningful (but potentially, complicated! having heritage doesn’t necessarily mean you’re part of that group).

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

being azula’s designated healer and makes-her-redemption-arc happen. i already outlined today why that’d be bad for zuko and i think, while their relationship is different, it would be a negative experience for ty lee as well. azula is her peer, a peer who has hurt her quite deeply through the manipulation she pulled to get ty lee to give up her dreams and come along and uses manipulation as a primary way of interacting with people (even if like, i think they might have had a genuine friendship as kids, that poisons a relationship quickly), then tried to kill mai when turned against her... like, ty lee has good reasons to want to stay away from her, and honestly ty lee needs to heal as well, needs time and space. she should not be responsible for her well being full stop, but especially in this situation. i’m not ruling out the possibility of reconciliation but ty lee and azula would need to ‘hard reset’ their relationship and that would mean plenty of time apart, azula coming forward with apologies, azula making amends, and slowly, over time, building up trust. but honestly, even if azula is genuine in wanting to make amends, i’m not sure risking her wellbeing for that process would be best for ty lee anyway - i’ve personally cut people off in my life for my own wellbeing for less (although really what decision is best depends on your personality outlook how comfortable you feel your support network etc. a multitude of factors). regardless of your interpretation of their dynamic, ty lee does not exist for azula, and should not exist to further her character development but also as a character in her own right at this point.

5 words to best describe them

cheerful, chaotic, complex, perceptive, pink! 

My nickname for them

“prettier than you <3” (after the kyoshi warriors line, but with a pink heart emoji because of course she would, but also because it’s just funny, lol. ty lee has a mean streak)

[codswalloping]

End of year fic meme time!

Total number of completed stories: 16

Total word count: 137,549. To put this in perspective, the most words I’ve ever posted in a year before was 51,500 or so, back in 2011 when I was unemployed and got crazy into BBC Sherlock. So...yes, this has been A YEAR.

Fandom Breakdown: 12 Schitt’s Creek, 2 Score: A Hockey Musical, 2 Watchmaker of Filigree Street

Overall Thoughts: Well! So, I’m still not too old to get kidnapped by plot bunnies and dragged away into a fandom cave of unexpected and surpassing depth, then? Who knew!

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? Clearly more, since I had no intention whatsoever of writing ANY.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? I mean, all of it, but even after I got heavily into Schitt’s Creek fandom I don’t think I would have imagined I’d be writing Score: A Hockey Musical fic in my very wildest hare-brained imaginings

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Well, some, kind of. I guess it felt a little risky writing kink and supernatural AUs in a fandom that’s largely composed of canon-compliant fluff. But honestly, a lot of what I write is still my usual - I’m mainly into the same kinks as I was ten years ago and also still addicted to my same basic brand of h/c.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? My main goal after I finish a writing project is usually “don’t start anything else, it’s far too consuming and you have no time for this,” but I keep failing at that. I guess it has occurred to me that maybe it’s time for me to try again to write a YA novel for reals, but IDK, I know far too much about the publishing biz to believe that it would really be either profitable or fun even if I were to succeed. 

From my past year of writing, what was...

My best story of this year: Okay, maybe it’s only because I just finished it and I’m in loooooove, but I’m awfully proud of Boyfriends. It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written, and it’s an A/B/O consensual gangbang with adolescent awkwardness, pining, and extended thematic references to Edith Wharton. Based loosely on the worst musical I have ever seen. Brain, what, why, how did this happen, wtf. I had no plans to write it and didn’t know where it was headed when I started and I’m just so amused and in love with the whole enterprise. Also MOOOOOSE. <3

My most popular story of this year: The Visit, in which Patrick’s high school BFF comes for a weekend and creates havoc. My buddy Pun came up with the idea for this story, which wasn’t something I’d ever have thought of on my own, and I’m so pleased I was able to write it for her. It’s not my own fave, but I do like it a lot.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I hesitate to say any of them, because I feel incredibly appreciated by Schitt’s Creek fandom and have zero complaints whatsoever. I guess I was a little surprised that Ice Cold Heat, my iceplay kink PWP, didn’t go over better than it did, but A) it got kind of buried on the last page of Frozen Over fics when I posted it and B) it’s a kink that maybe a lot of people don’t get or don’t think is hot? The people who enjoyed it REALLY seemed to enjoy it, though, so I don’t feel too badly for it.

Story with the single sexiest moment: Hmmm. I wrote a ton of porn this year, but unfortunately I almost never find my own writing very sexy after I’ve posted it, so I don’t really know. Okay, in Helpless (the shaving fic) I do still really love the moment when Patrick tips up his chin to expose his throat and realizes that the combo of intimacy + vulnerability + David’s hand on his thigh is making him hard. Sure, I’ll go with that.

Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: I mean, I wrote an a/b/o gangbang fic for a wholesome teen musical canon. I am suitably ashamed of myself, yes. I also wrote tentacle fic for a small and sweet book fandom with a canonical mechanical octopus that had NO TENTACLE FIC ON AO3 YET but if that’s wrong, I really don’t want to be right.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I guess I had to do some hard thinking about David and Patrick and how they’d each approach kink and why when I wrote Control, sort of? It got a lot more charactery than I’d planned on when I started it, I know that much.

Hardest story to write: Without a doubt, Wolf in Progress. Damn, I nearly gave up on that one so many times, and I’m still not that happy with how it came out. It has, like, Plot and Action and stuff. I don’t know what came over me; I was so out of my comfort zone.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: Also Wolf in Progress. There’s some...stuff in there, yeah.

In conclusion: Damn, son. Look at me doing fandom again, at my age. It’s been an unbelievable joy to meet all these awesome new folks this year, and all this writing has been KEY as an escape valve for my life, you don’t even know. Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who has awesomely read and commented on my stuff and played with me on tumblr and discord and twitter and at RL meetups this year. I appreciate the FUCK out of you. <3

Now, everyone else should fill this out too, I wanna see your answers, K?

[lastbluetardis]

2017 Fic Writing in Review

I was tagged by the lovely @chocolatequeennk, @jemsauce, and @aneclipsedhabitue to do a look back on the fic I wrote this year. 

total number of completed stories:

102! And this number only counts completed stories, and so A Kiss a Day, A Kiss and More, and Lost and Found (coauthor: @chocolatequeennk) don’t count. This number also isn’t counting individual chapters, so keep in mind that there are several multi-chapter stories contained in that total.

total word count:

271,029

These are only the words I have published. But in addition, I have 74,112 unpublished words (90% of which are part of my Soulmates series), so technically, I wrote 345,141 words! And this count doesn’t reflect any words I have deleted in the many false starts I’ve had with some stories.

(And here is where I piggyback off of Nancy’s plug about using Word Keeper Alpha. This is such a useful website, and it has so many functions and ways of sorting/organizing your writing projects. It’s so helpful with keeping track of word counts.)

fandoms written in:

Doctor Who

looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

In some ways I wrote less than expected, but in others I wrote more. As far as numbers go, I wrote far fewer fic this year than I did last year. However, I believe the quality of the stories I wrote and published are of a much high caliber than last year. And writing decent-quality stories often takes time. Also, I’ve been so focused on my soulmates series that I sort of let other projects fall to the side. And I wrote more multi-chapter fics than last year.

what’s your own favorite story of the year?

Oh, so many. I can’t possible just pick one, so have a couple:

And Baby Makes Three -- I really loved giving James and Rose a baby. Ainsley had become my baby, so any fic with her (or her siblings) in it are my favorite.

And Baby Makes Four -- Ditto as above. It was fun giving James and Rose a second baby, and giving Ainsley a sibling, and to write about the changing family dynamics that comes with a new baby.

A Marriage of (In)convenience -- I’d never written any sort of historical romance before, and it was loads of fun.

In a Heartbeat -- Yet another soulmate AU story that was a lot of fun to write. I took a spin on the oft-portrayed perfect first meeting, and instead had it be one of fear and anxiety as Rose suffered injuries from a car accident just moment after they found each other.

did you take any writing risks this year?

Hmmm... my biggest risk was deciding to expand Perfect Match into a series. I’ve never tried conquering a series, and I’ve been nervous about the time commitment, and whether or not my brain will stay interested and focused on the series so it won’t become abandoned. But so far so good!

do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year?

Hmm, not so much. Which is probably a bad thing to admit... I should probably have goals. Okay, so on the fly, my fic goals are:

To write and publish the next story in the soulmates series

To continue my Kisses ‘Verse

To write and publish the Beauty and the Beast AU I’ve been sitting on for nearly a year

To write the next next story in the soulmates series

To coordinate with @chocolatequeennk and maybe finish Lost and Found

best story of the year?

My best stories are also my some of my favorites. This is probably very telling: if I really really like what I’m writing/wrote, it’s often my best writing quality, too.

And Baby Makes Four 

A Marriage of (In)convenience 

In a Heartbeat 

most popular story of the year?

So I looked at AO3 for these. It considers Perfect Match to be a 2017 fic, but I don’t, considering I only posted like four chapters in 2017. So apart from that, it lists  A Marriage of (In)convenience as having the highest number of kudos. I’m happy with that; it was definitely an excellent story, if I may say so myself. But is anyone else is curious, here’s the top 5 kudos-ed stories:

A Marriage of (In)convenience 

A Kiss a Day

A Way With Words

In a Heartbeat

Perfectly Matched Outtakes

story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Ooh, this is hard. My gut-reaction answer is And Baby Makes Four. When I was posting the story, it wasn’t getting a ton of feedback or recognition. It was also lagging in stats behind And Baby Makes Three, which was frustrating because Sianin’s story was, in my opinion, of a much higher quality, and yet people seemed to prefer Ainsley’s story to Sianin’s. I just wanted to shout at the world while holding Sianin above my head, Rafiki-holding-Simba-style, and make people love her like I do.

most fun story to write:

Okay, since I’ve been repeating myself quite a bit, I’m gonna pick fics I haven’t mentioned yet.

Lost and Found (WIP) -- It’s so much fun writing and brainstorming with @chocolatequeennk.

The Universe Next Door -- It was so satisfying to dabble in a potential scenario where Vera wasn’t killed in the car accident.

story with the single sexiest moment:

I didn’t write a whole lot of smut this year. And when I did, it was often tender or romantic sex, not just pwp porn. My top four are:

Morning Shenanigans -- James and Rose get it on on their kitchen table

Family Planning -- James and Rose get it on on their couch

Even When We’re Far Apart -- Tentoo and Rose indulge in telepathic sexy times

A Change in Perspective -- a bit of Tentoo x Rose bodyswap porn

most sweet story:

Well of course, anything with Ainsley and/or Sianin ;) But I’ve been referencing their stories a lot with this meme, so I’ll try to think of something else.

A Way With Words was definitely a really sweet story. It’s a soulmate AU (surprise, surprise) where John is an author and he meets Rose at one of his book signings. Both of them had rather unfortunate soulmarks, but once they realized the context, all is well.

A Kiss a Day (WIP) is a sweet story with various snippets of kisses shared between the Doctor and Rose as their relationship progresses.

A Change of Plans -- this was based on a very adorable prompt by @doctorroseprompts​ where an AU Doctor forgot to ask Rose to the prom but just assumed they were going together. It was light and fluffy and fun to write.

”holy crap, thats wrong, even for you!” story:

Definitely Secret Love Passageways -- this was hilariously cracky purple porn wherein Rose has like 150 hands and they’re both in the most contorted positions. I never write crack, so this was definitely “wrong”, even if it was so much fun to write.

story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters & most unintentionally telling story:

I’m not sure I have an answer to this. I feel like I have a decent grasp on the characters I use, but I constant am expanding them to fit the situation I’m throwing them in in my stories. Maybe the best answer is the journey I’m taking James and Rose on in my Soulmates series? They’re constantly growing and evolving as their family expands, and that has been really great to write and explore. I’ve often found myself accidentally overlaying my James and Rose’s personalities on other Ten x Rose stories I write, so I need to get better with separating the James and Rose in my head with the ones that don’t belong in that series (idk if this answer makes any sense at all).

hardest story to write:

Definitely Sianin’s story. It quickly became darker/deeper than I’d originally intended. There were so many times I feared I would completely fuck it up, or that people would be turned off from the subject matter. @chocolatequeennk and her never ending support really helped me slog through the end of the story, and to make it the best it could be.

biggest disappointment:

Probably that I sort of let my Kisses ‘Verse die, or at least become stagnant. I’d hoped to write a little bit a day, but when that became impractical, I’d hoped to write a bit of it a week. Now, four and a half months later, it still hasn’t been updated :-/

biggest surprise:

People’s continued interest in my Soulmates series, I think. I know sequels usually have a smaller following than the main story, especially since the sequels are all baby fic. But the fact that people have fallen in love with Ainsley and Sianin so deeply was a wonderful surprise.

This was so much fun! Thanks for tagging me, everyone!

I’m gonna tag @perfectlyrose, @ebdaydreamer, @paigenotblank, @blueboxesandtrafficcones, @starsandfairytales, @tenroseforeverandever, @asarahworld-writes, @lizann5869, @megabadbunny, @whoinwhoville, @hellostarlight20, @hanluvr, @wordsintimeandspace, @goingtothetardis, @ofstormsandwolves, and anyone else who is reading this and hoping to be tagged (because I know I’ve forgotten many other brilliant writers). Sorry if y’all have already been tagged to do this; it’s been hard to keep track of who’s done this and who hasn’t.

[phosphorescent-naidheachd]

OK, so let’s discuss this. Or rather, part of it.

(And OP, if you see this and want to talk, I’m completely up for it. I just made this a separate post because A. I didn’t want to start Discourse(TM) on what was clearly meant to be a fun post, and B. I genuinely don’t think you meant anything by what you said. BUT... I really couldn’t let this particular popular perception of the Tuskens/Sand People* in the SW fandom go by without comment either.)

We learn very little about the Tuskens/Sand People in the films, and what little we do learn is from obviously negatively biased sources (i.e. settlers).

Almost all information we have about the Tusken people is from the EU and now considered Legends. So for the purposes of this post, we’re talking more about Legends canon than we are canon proper or the new canon EU materials.

Enjoy it though I do, the EU is inconstant and unwieldy. Only a few SW materials say that the Tuskens tortured settlers “just because they could” and because “they believed that all other sentient life was a blight on the planet”.

One thing that the EU does largely agree on, however, is that the Tuskens were on Tatooine long before any “civilized” settlers arrived from other planets.

Hmmm, what could this possibly remind you of?

The Tuskens are pretty clearly coded as “savage” indigenous people -- they’re nomadic tribal warriors who live in tents, they have less technology than the settlers (ex: gaffi sticks rather than blasters), their stories are oral rather than written, they have a “mystical” bond with certain local animals, and so on. They’re “easily frightened” and fooled, but are also shown to possess a certain brand of cunning, and frequently commit acts of seemingly random violence against settlers. 

The abduction and torture of Shmi is a classic captivity narrative, with the role of the Tuskens played by indigenous peoples (Native Americans, First Nations peoples, Bedouin, etc.) and the role of Shmi played by any innocent white woman. Captivity narratives -- which also include variations where the abductee eventually becomes part of the tribe -- were exceedingly popular in the U.S. and in Europe from the late 17th century up through the mid-20th. Sometimes these narratives were based on true events, but sometimes they weren’t... and even when they were, they generally (albeit understandably) didn’t provide a lot of context for their captors’ actions and often sensationalized everything for better sales and/or to serve a settler agenda.** 

The Tuskens are canonically dehumanized (debeingified? desentientized? language is tricky when dealing with a universe that contains sentient beings besides humans!) throughout the films and EU materials. They’re referred to as “animals” and “vicious, mindless monsters”, as well as made visually foreign -- and thus presumably frightening -- with their masks and wrappings, all of which hide any trace of who or what might be behind them. (This also, incidentally, codes the Tuskens in such a way as to play into Orientalist and Islamophobic tropes.) Whether the Tuskens are literally humans or are some form of sentient alien lifeforms -- which Legends canon suggests at multiple points -- is beside the point.

With all of this in mind, I suppose it shouldn’t be surprising that fandom often dehumanizes the Tuskens too (ex: “those things”), but... that doesn’t mean that I have to like it.

Long story short, the Tusken people have been majorly screwed over within the Star Wars franchise both from a Doylist and a Watsonian standpoint.*** If we go by Legends canon, they were enslaved at one point in their history but survived and managed to gain their freedom, only to later have their planet “discovered” and subsequently colonized****, with its limited resources -- some of which the Tuskens held as sacred -- raided by the settlers. As if that wasn’t enough, they were studied by the colony’s Bureau of Ethnicity and Socialization (and I don’t know about you, but that name sets off a lot of alarm bells in my mind) and betrayed by settlers who had pretended to be their allies. With this kind of a history, is it any wonder that the Tuskens are, to quote the Wookiepedia article, “extremely xenophobic & territorial of their native resources”?

I’m not saying that every piece of fanfiction set on Tatooine needs to deconstruct the treatment of the Tuskens or delve into their society and motivations, but it would be nice if fandom as a whole was slightly more aware of the tropes that they’re evoking when they uncritically accept and repeat what Star Wars -- both canon and Legends -- tells us about the Tuskens.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

*I use the term Tusken(s) throughout this response instead of Sand People partially because that’s the term OP used, but also because Sand People sounds way too close to some real life derogatory terms for desert peoples. That said, if we go by Legends, the Sand People seem to call themselves the equivalent of “Sand People” in their own tongue, while “Tusken Raiders” is a term that came into use for them (by settlers) after their raid on Fort Tusken. YMMV for which terminology you prefer to use for them; neither is exactly ideal from both a real life and in-universe perspective, so I’ve erred on the side of respecting real life peoples over fictional ones in this instance. That said, if I ever write fic that includes Tusken characters and/or culture, I’ll probably have them use the term Sand People, if that makes any sense? Once again, I make no judgments on whichever term you prefer to use. For all I know, my own opinions on this subject may shift over time! 

According to Wookiepedia, “specialists studying the past of the Tusken Raiders” also used the term “Ghorfa” for the Tuskens, but #1. Very few people in the fandom would have any idea who I was talking about if I used this term, and #2. this brings us back to the alarm bells that went off for me the moment I heard the phrase “Bureau of Ethnicity and Socialization.” Once again, YMMV.

**This isn’t to say that Native Americans, First Nations, or Bedouin never acted as oppressors themselves -- life isn’t as straightforward as that, and these are very broad terms that encompass a wide variety of different peoples who had very different relationships with outsiders and fell and rose in power at different points in their respective histories -- but for the sake of this post, we’re talking about their relations with white settlers and about racist Western (European) captivity narratives, which certainly don’t make any such distinctions. I’m not wording this as clearly as I’d like, but I hope you take my meaning?

***Star Wars does occasionally show glimmers of realization of the unfortunate implications of this kind of in-text treatment of the Tuskens. Probably the closest the series ever comes to addressing it is in John Jackson Miller’s novel Kenobi (and to a lesser degree in the Dark Horse Star Wars: Republic comics).

****According to Star Wars Propaganda (which is a part of the new canon EU), 

“With eyes toward expansion into the uncharted reaches of the Outer Rim, the traditions of the Core became passé. Opportunity beckoned from beyond the borders of the Mid Rim worlds. The congested planets of the interior were saturated with messages of promise lying outward, a reversal from long-held notions that Coruscant represented the icon of advancement. Republic wordsmiths and artists collaborated to create a sense of civic duty, of manifest destiny, and of deep obligation to spread the Republic banner from Rim to Rim.

For the well-settled and wealthy elite of the galaxy’s most crowded centers, such notions were quaint but uninspiring. It was the citizens of the Inner Rim, those who had been crowded out of opportunity in the Core, who answered the call for new life in the frontier of the Outer Rim.”

Here’s an image from the book that strongly evokes those Manifest Destiny vibes:

[A poster that bears the words “The OUTER RIM. Begin Again In A Golden Land of Opportunity! Republic incentives for the brave and hardy! New colonies and adventures await!” The poster depicts two humanoid figures -- presumably a man and a woman -- standing under a canyon arch on a desert planet. Two suns are visible in the wide sky in front of them.]

[adawneveryday]

In The Fog

[Another short story I wrote yesterday - I can see a series in this or something larger coming from it - It takes place inside the mind of one of the imaginations of an imagined couple - you know how people have conversations in their head or imagine alternative outcomes - what if we could watch their thoughts and what if their thoughts were out of sync completely with our perception of them or with what really was their reality.]

The fog rolled in like any other: thick, dense, languid, like it wasn’t inclined to leave. The sun was just the glow of a cigarette. The sky was smokey plumes (*I refuse to spell it smoky - idc). The airport was a lot of canceled flights and its irritated cargo.

No more irritated were Paul and Marie. 

Paul and Marie were a marriage that did best on the move, preferably in seperate directions. But during the holidays they made a show of being together, decades of togetherness. Ask anyone, they were a solid couple occupying the same pew for eons. Their children based their marital aspirations on their mother and father, mostly their mother because father worked so much.  Mother and father made it look so easy. They were a delight at the dinner table. They never showed a short fuse or made scene at a company party. They were a partnership. They were incorporated. They even went out for their anniversaries and birthdays. No one needed to know it was show and chaperoning. They were chaperoning their marriage.  

But they were a couple who only did well on a stage and for only a few hours at a time. 

They had developed coupling techniques and coping hobbies. 

In public, they appeared polite people, so that no one would know absence of public displays of affection were normal. They didn’t burden others with their emotions. He always opened her door in public. He drove the car around to the door if it was raining and they were caught in the rain. She always said thank you when he did these things, even if she never met eye contact anymore. He always let her order first. She always ordered only one glass of moderately priced wine. He never drank anything but water with lemon when they were together in public.  Her drink ensured she wouldn’t find him irritating. His lack of drink ensured he wouldn’t say anything about her irritating habits, like her nail checking, and ever shortening hair cuts, and larger costume jewelry. Her large expensive handbags were ridiculous. Caricature of a woman. And him, with his pot belly and supposed gym trainer. He had gone soft years ago. As soon as she had started to lose her battle with gravity. And why he had chosen to buy a new golf cart just to go look at his boat at the marina was crazy. His golf carts were the equivalent of her handbags. He just didn’t know it. They knew they judged each other. The lack of looking said it all. And they had more coping techniques.

He enjoyed a good, long smoke with a very good cigar and glass of bourbon.

She had allergies and enjoyed instead long shopping trips in nearby cities when not taking off for a beach vacation or other get-away with girlfriends. She limited herself to two glasses of wine on a shopping trip, but she never kept track of the margaritas. 

When they traveled together, which was regularly (a great gap of not being seen together is a no-no in their set), it was to see relatives and their children and their grandchildren. Or appear at his company parties. Or their clubs fundraisers.

Sometimes they came on separate flights.

Sometimes they traveled together.

Had they been cell mates, one may have shivved the other, if another option hadn’t presented itself, like an early heart attack. 

Marie sometimes admitted, like most woman, that Paul drove her crazy or she could just kill him, but it was the exasperation of a typical wife. And soon they were as peaceful as apple pie. He never said he’d kill her. Men are advised never to do that, and it is too obvious to say why.

Their marriage was a death do us part kind of affair. A family mausoleum of fidelities. 

And they had found ample ways to cope.

Like her confiding in girlfriends who were just out of their standard circle of friends so she could excommunicate them easily and not worry about not being invited to cookouts. She never kept a hairdresser longer than a couple of years. And she always selected ones on their way out, with dreams of becoming something more. The ones that talked more about themselves and barely listened. The ones with the occasion track on their arm or sinking look in their face. Those were her favorite. They would disappear forever quickly from the salons and spas. 

Paul the same. Except his was the male version of caddies and bartenders and boat repairmen. They never listened or asked questions. It mattered little who they were or how long they stayed. He couldn’t even tell you if any were married. God forbid he be asked to give a detailed descriptions. He asked enough questions to make them feel he was a nice guy, but cared very little about their answers. And this suited them. 

But the fog was encircling them now, and the VIP lounge was deserted enough that they had to face each other if only temporarily.

“We should get a hotel,” she said.

“I have enough of those,” he said.

“A room. Or two.”

“The airport hotel is a dump. I’m not staying there. The fog will be lifting.”

Marie scrolled her weather app.

“No, it isn’t lifting anytime soon. We’re stuck here. And I’d rather do it lying down.”

“With your feet up. Of course. I’ll get you a room.”

“I’ll get it myself. You can stay here.”

“Stay,” Paul said.

Marie stopped and looked at him for the first time. 

“Why?”

He pursed his lips. 

“The fog is going to lift and we’ll be able to go. Too much trouble to get a room. They’re booked up, anyway.”

The anxiety on his face was strange. It was like a halloween mask, the kind with the elastic band around the back, the kind that got sweaty.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“No.”

Their marriage closed in around them. Paul was thinking about it even before the fog rolled in.

“We aren’t going to live forever, and I don’t want to live unhappily.”

“The fog will lift,” Marie said. “This is only temporary.”

Paul saw his life

beginning to end. 

“We’re doing it wrong,” he said.

“We’re fine, Paul. Everyone is doing it. You have your bourbon. I have my credit cards. The fog will lift and we’ll see our grandchildren.”

“And you will be overly affection to our son-in-law who irritates me and take our daughter for a manicure, and I’ll buy our daughter a SUV and spoil our grandson by sending him to camp. We’ve learned to cope, but coping is not enough, is it?”

“You mean we only have one life? And we should live it to the fullest? I don’t want to hear that. We have eternal life after it all.”

“Really? Because of how well we have behaved? Or because you think we will be forgiven because we confess?”

“Of course. This isn’t all there is. Couldn’t be. What a waste if it were.”

“What a waste if it isn’t. What if we end up together forever? Is that really what you want? For all eternity?”

“Like we won’t have freedom to do what we like? We are not angels. We do as we please. So, Paul, enough. The fog will lift. Go to the bar. I’m getting a room. I’ll see you when the fog lifts and they have our flight ready.”

“Marie. Marie,” Paul said from the window while looking out at the fog.

Marie came out of her daydream of words and emotions and drama.

“Hmmm?”

“Let’s get a room. The fog isn’t going to lift soon. Maybe we should just go home.” Paul hadn’t spoken since they had entered the VIP lounge.

“I don’t want to chance a drive in this fog. I’d rather stay in the hotel. I’d hate for us to get in an accident. The roads have too many bends. Our flight will just take off late today or tonight.”

“Alright,” Paul said thinking how much he enjoyed the sound of a few ice cubes in an old fashion glass before pouring is favorit amber colored drink over them. It was the simple things. His life had order and purpose and quiet. Marie was the perfect partner. He was so blessed he sometimes felt guilty not reflecting on it.

“Well, lets go.”

“Alright.”