#the charm of the 90s films here are like

[the-90s-music-colosseum]

Quarterfinals, Match 2

expand to see all propaganda received! (wall of text warning oh my god this is a severe cautionary message)

Lauryn Hill:

"she paved the way and was hot as fuck the whole time"

"Girl c'mon. Look at her. You're gonna try and tell me that isn't the most beautiful and attractive person alive? Okay. You're lying but okay."

"if u freaks don't give ms. lauryn hill the respect she deserves..."

"actually one of the prettiest women ever I'm such a lesbian for her. like irl I'm already a lesbian but she is helping"

Damon Albarn:

"Don’t think Damon should be here? Why don’t you get your head checked by a jumbo jet? Maybe you’ll feel heavy metal and calm down."

"If Damon is in the “some guy” category, he’s the heavenly and heartbreaking version. Damon is the sort of significant stranger I’d see on the train out of Colchester but could never speak to, just a face seen in passing yet too radiant to be real. I’d fall in love for an hour and carry the ache for a month."

"Damon sets the standard for me. I think he’s the most fascinating man alive. What I find attractive in Damon is not just his gorgeous bone structure and boyish charm, but how wholly he’s committed himself to music. Damon is an artist who walked the walk: in one of his roughest years with some of his rawest songwriting, he said he was no longer excited by anything except the creative process. He was disillusioned with the celebrity of it all, with his relationships suffering for it, and only wanted to make art: nothing more, nothing less. He would go on to compose film scores, write operas and stage musicals, produce other artists’ records, form collectives to fulfill his passion for world music, and create some of the most globally successful music of his career in a completely innovative format that placed him as the phantom behind the characters. Whenever one band takes a break, he makes a solo record or puts together a supergroup to stay busy. He’s uniquely collaborative and still writes personal letters inviting artists to record with him, and yet can function as a one-man show, acting as a multi-instrumentalist, a singer-songwriter and a producer. He’s been a constant voice of bringing British music to the world *and* bringing world music into Britain. Sure, he’s won Brit Awards and a Grammy among others, but he also has a Guinness World Record and was named an Officer of the British Empire for his services to music; his long work with Africa Express earned him respect even from peers who’d previously dismissed him, and his commitment to support his Malian collaborators in the face of violence earned him the title of Local King in Mali. There is so much talent in the world, but there is truly no one else with a career that looks like Damon Albarn’s. Damon is far more than just a prettyboy to look nice on a magazine cover, but looks are the ultimate point of this tournament, so make no mistake: he was terribly, terribly pretty. You watch him performing in the 90s, you sift through photoshoots and interviews and documentaries, and it feels *cruel* how beautiful he was. If his talent was god-given, so was his face. To put a bow on this thesis: I don’t know if Gorillaz and Damon’s musical universe would be the experimental, globe-trotting, boundary-pushing community affair it is if Blur hadn’t become such a central figure in Britpop and if Damon had not been made such a media spectacle, and I don’t know if Damon would have been that spectacle if he wasn’t so ungodly pretty. The domino effect is that Damon’s cherubic face launched a thousand multimedia art school projects for decades to come."

"I wish I was basically any bloke in the 90s so I could tongue Damon Albarn down. Damon will see a man and ask “is anyone gonna kiss that?” and not wait for a response."

"I have a pillow with his face on it. I sleep with it every night 😊"

"“I’m more homosexual than Brett Anderson, always have been. As far as bisexuality goes, I’ve had a taste of that particular fruit, or have been tasted you might say…” is just the rawest most Shakespearean statement ever"

"he is the ultimate Pretty Boy ™. his glorious golden locks, his electric blue eyes. he is if Princess Diana was a Britpop Dude. he is the Regina George of Britpop. he is if Aphrodite took male form. Zeus would come down to earth to fuck him if he knew. he is a caffeinated orange cat let loose. he is deranged. he is unhinged. you never know what will come out of his mouth. he had sexual tension with every single man who knew him. he pulled justine fucking frischmann. his aura knows no bounds. he is a siren. he is a weird guy. but being so gorgeous stunning ethereal didn't stop him from also being one of the most prolific songwriters of his generation"

"THE MAIN BLUR"

"literally where do i even begin. i could write entire essays on this man. a good place to start would be the beetlebum music video, i suppose. i'll never forget the first time i watched that music video. something in me changed, my brain chemistry was altered, my life was never the same, i view the world a lot differently now. and a lot of the viewing i'm doing is of pictures of damon albarn's face because of boy do i have a lot of those saved. every time i try to look for a photo of something on my phone i can't find it because there's so much damon. okay that's maybe an exaggeration but this man has the most unfathomable beauty ever. his eyes? HIS EYES. god dammit i love his eyes i want to stare at them until the end of time like nothing else exists. i'm so normal about this man (lying) and while i'm usually very shameless about my interests i'm actually incredibly glad this propaganda is anonymous because otherwise. yeah. but the world deserves to see damon albarn's beauty and also hear his fantastic voice because what the fuck. his voice is literally the most gorgeous sound ever produced like bro sounds like that and expects me not to fall in love? i want this man to sing his silly songs and talk absolute nonsense to me until the sun eventually blows out and the world ends. cmon damon girlies let's demolish this tournament i know there are a lot of you."

"He’s beautiful. He’s a little rat. He’s a sweetheart. He’s a dickhead. He’s a musical genius. He’s a dumb bitch. He’s a jock. He’s a weirdo. He’s real. He’s an illusion. He’s everything. He’s just Damon."

"DAMON DAMON DAMON where do I begin oh jeez I've hyperfixated on this man for a solid 4 years and still going strong. Damon makes me wish that British people are real. That says A LOT. This man created a whole ass ANIMATED BAND WITH A SHIT TON OF LORE as a SIDE HUSTLE??? Not to mention, what other man has collaborated with Stevie Nicks, MF DOOM, Del the Funky Homosapien, Snoop Dogg, AND Beck?! People, we're literally in the presence of a god. And he's STILL GOING. Anyways, TL;DR, damon is so so so neat and cool and he should definitely win this competition. Thank you."

"Okay 90s Damon is The Perfect Boy yes yes, but the people who parrot the Daily Mail and say "he's ugly now" will never understand. I would still suck every drop from him on his deathbed."

"Vote for whoever you want to. But Damon is so pretty."

"i did not spend hours admiring this beautiful man's face on pinterest just to see him lose."

"Damon Albarn just brings me joy. When I'm watching him perform, following along as the camera lingers on and adores his pretty face, I get butterflies like I'm 15 again. It's nice to still feel that totally unguarded giddiness sometimes."

"God let the intrusive thoughts win making Damon. What if he's a beautiful blond twink with eyes like saucers and dick to his knees, he reads Herman Hesse and plays footie and is insufferable about both, he'll be the most prolific musician of his generation and write operas and seminal albums in 5 different genres and also he's gonna be the dumbest bitch alive? He'll also be kinda bi, but only kinda. And send."

"when i found out about his existence, my life was changed forever. i wish i could use him like the hannah montana boot milk pillow and chuck him at the wall so he makes a loud thud"

"Think of the drama and anon fights it'll cause if Damon wins it all! And think of how quiet it'll get after Damon's out. You'll miss him when he's gone, like memories of a noisy house years after it's grown silent. Choose Damon, and keep the messy train chugging."

"Even the Gallagher brothers have the hots for him."

"Kiss kiss I love him also you can't vote for any of the Seattle men they're literally copy and paste it's not fair. We need Brit representation"

"I want to take care of him, I want to provide for him. I need to gauge his baby blue puppy dog orbs out to I can clean them with wood varnish, paint shades of Pantone 320 C in his eyes, spray eau de parfume by dior in them and sew it back into his eyes like that scene in Toy Story 2."

"Seeing as simply filling the page with ‘Damon’ written 10000000 times isn’t going to cut it 😅 may I admit/submit: I DO have him tattooed on my being (no descriptive, is this anon?); he’s inspired somewhat unhinged late night/early morning fandom conversations in which I’ve served as ‘parish’ priest hearing confessions from all manner of folk about what they’d like to do to him/receive from him; sadly I lost an essay where I detailed why the letters that make up his name suit him so well, and described him as the hot caramel sauce to Graham’s cool vanilla ice cream. He’s a faerie princess with a nose that makes people weep and a voice that feels like the warmest home and he gives amazing hugs. He loves trains and chickens and his tuxedo cat. He’s annoying and sweet and somewhat unhinged and his music saves people and all this is on top of that fantastic dick. He’s a dream yet very real and we’re fucking blessed to be on earth at the same time as him, amen"

"Damon Albarn was a beautiful, beautiful boy. The world saw that, regardless of if every individual reading this has the same taste in men; it felt like a truth of the universe at the time. They don't make celebrities that angelic in face and erratic in personality anymore."

"I need to touch his eyebrows, nose and prostate just one time JUST ONE TIME COME ON"

[fhrlclln]

Would you ever write for like rockstar!eddie and reader like maybe she's an actor or something or she's his high-school sweet heart and even after he got famous he stayed with her

rockstar! eddie x wife! reader

OMG, ok so you caught my attention. i’ve always wanted to write for rockstar! eddie. i also daydreamed a lot that the reader is his wife (and yes, his highschool sweetheart as well) you know like that bombshell wife that even his fans simp for her as well, gets featured in some magazines and shows. alongside tour interviews and such.

i can imagine the dynamic between them sort of like ozzy & sharon (without the major toxicity but the yelling is there) but overall, you’re just one hella of a wife to corroded coffin’s frontman. and he’s very proud to show you off every interview he gets.

this time they’re doing a reality tv one! like the Osbourne’s.

suggestive themes under the cut

｡･:*˚:✧｡

another day in the munson household… 

“eddie!” you shouted amidst the large canopy of the munson LA mansion. the camera man swerves the camera to eddie munson’s face, eddie fucking munson, leader of one of the grossing rock bands alive in the 90’s. he lets out a sigh as he can hear your heels stomp against the hardwood large stairs as he looks to the camera with a smirk, counting in his head for your barge in as he speaks. it was another filming day for their own reality tv show, his manager urged him to do this, fans demanding wanting to know more about him and his darling wife. you.

“ah, and here comes my smoking hot angry wife—“

the door slams open inside the studio room, the camera whips to you. all dolled up, fresh from your make-up room, wearing a very tight dress that hugged your body nicely. he wasn’t even focused on the terrifying anger written on your pretty face, just that he’s very focused now on your chest. the camera man backs away, slightly scared, seeing as you had something in your hand. fan mail apparently! tons of it in your hand as the other was situated on your hip, very angry stance.

it was cute to him.

“baby, darling.” he greeted with a smirk, urging your hothead to come closer to him, he was sitting on his office chair, the one he always sat on whenever he would spend nights in this studio room to write or compose a song.

“send panties in the mail! panties? are you out of your fucking mind!?” you threw the mail at him, huffing and puffing with anger. the camera man captured this one moment they all knew would be another hit on mainstream. your fights with eddie were certainly a blockbuster for every corroded coffin fan, plus you were hot in it.

“sweetheart, chill! i meant it as a fucking joke, geez—“

another mail was thrown at him, this time he can clearly see the lace of some fan’s panties were peeking out. oh, was he dead. he is popular with the ladies, you were very hyperaware of that and you despised some groupies for getting a lil’ close during concerts or meet-ups, mainly the obsessed ones you couldn’t stand, but they’re not the wife. you are, so in perspective, you won when it comes to them. and you trust eddie, he’s not that stupid.

“baby, what did you expect? they’re fucking crazy.” he snorts, tossing the mail away. you crossed your arms, boobs squishing, eddie gawked at it with no shame.

“you’re laughing at this? i can’t believe you! you’re such an ass—“ you pouted, fuming red in your eyes. eddie shook his head as he grabbed your arm, knowing well you were going to calm down once he gets in you in his lap. you noticed it.

“that’s not gonna fucking work—“

“try me.” he hums, wrapping his arms around your waist as you sat snuggly. leaning your back against his naked chest littered with tattoos, your name tattooed above his heart. your face somehow manage to soften yet still annoyed at how it worked. munson charm. damn him.

“you okay, baby?” he asks kissing your neck, looking to the camera with a wink and a smirk.

“i will strangle you.”

“i thought that was for the bedroom—“

“i will shove this remaining mail up your ass if you open your mouth again.” you warned, pinching his arm. he yelped at how sharp your nails were as you sighed, simmering down now as he placed kisses on your bare shoulder. the expensive scent of your perfume and body wash making him buck his hips up a bit. so addicting. the camera focuses on the sweet moment as you rubbed your forehead, a headache coming in.

“oh, baby. ‘m sorry.” he cooed.

“don’t.” you huffed. “i don’t like this.” you emphasized to the mails on the ground.

“ ‘course baby, i haven’t even fucking opened them yet.” he place a sloppy kiss on your neck. “and i never will. if that makes up for it.”

“thank you, eds.” you sighed in relief. his heart bloomed as he winked to the camera again. mouthing ‘munson charm’.

“gotta remind them, sweetheart, you’re my wife. nothing’s gonna come between that, ey? not even fucking panties.” he reminds you, grasping your chin to look at him. reminding you how many years you two have been together, since highschool, since that incident back in the upside down, being each other’s first experiences and all. you are the love of his life.

his large thumb caressing your bottom crimson lip. you nodded silently, still a little annoyed, his handsome grin widen as he kissed you. tongue and all, still not ashamed he’s showing this intimate moment on camera then probably on television soon. you wriggled, feeling the bulge in his sweatpants form. you hummed on his mouth, liking the sloppiness as you pulled away, all shy now noticing the camera again.

“and stop sending me panties!” he pointed to the camera. “i’m flattered, but i got plenty already.” he joked, earning a smack from you again. the camera man eventually said cut as you both relaxed in each other’s arms.

“today’s film was great, mr. & mrs. munson. thank you so much.” the cameraman smiled nervously as you smiled back widely, still seated on eddie’s lap.

“no problem, lemonade’s downstairs in the kitchen. help yourself!” you kindly offered as eddie placed kisses again on your neck. hot and heavy he is, it was such a turn-on whenever you got mad at him. the door closed shut as eddie finally got a breather. focusing on you now and his ache in his pants.

“so sexy today, baby.” he mumbles, voice low and deep. “getting you all riled up.”

“mhm. if you ever say stupid shit to your fans, munson. i will kick you out.” you hummed tilting your neck to the side as he nipped your soft skin making you let out a quiet whimper.

“hey, they love you getting mad as well, can’t blame ‘em.” he laughs, squeezing your boobs. the fans were crazy for you as much as they are for him. you chuckled remembering the time you got featured on the front page of playboy magazine, everyone went wild. eddie was fuming at that time but he didn’t hide the fact that he bought at least numerous copies of it, supporting your fame. “you’re such a fucking bombshell. ‘m so lucky.”

“i swear, eddie!” you swatted his hands away as he whined.

“i promise!” he laughs heartily as you smiled again. a moment of silence transpires, you two have been together since ‘86, the large mansion was awfully lonely when he’s away on tour, leaving you here sometimes. you love him, really. since the day he clumsily asked you out by the bench in the woods. supporting him throughout, until his band got in with a label. signing them up. being his soulmate, sticking with him until now. something was just missing in the munson household. the thought a important one for you, and you knew clearly what you wanted next. knowing eddie gives you everything.

“what do you think about a little munson running around here, eds?”

｡･:*˚:✧｡

wrote this in one sitting!

[lovelybucky1]

Neil trying to be cool to get the attention of a client (disinterested in him) being totally cringe and geeky with his movie recommendations

im a filmbro just like neil so i really resonate with this

my inbox is open for requests!

warnings: one mention of sexual content, mild mentions of violence, neil being a geek with zero rizz

masterlist

It’s not often hot people walk into Gumshoe Video. There’s the regulars, the families, the loser film bros who are there at least four times a week, the teens who try to rent pornos, and old people looking for the classics.

When you walked in, Neil almost dropped his fast food cup filled with Dr. Pepper. You’re exactly his type, and he pushed the other employees out of the way so he could be the one to help you.

“Hi, I’m Neil. How can I be of service?” he greets you, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. You look down at his name tag and note that it says owner underneath his name.

“I don’t need any help, thanks,” you smile politely and continue walking. You aren’t trying to be rude, but you had a long day at work and this puppy dog of an employee is only going to get on your nerves.

“Are you looking for anything specific?” he asks, following you down the aisle.

You sigh. “No, just something to watch.”

“We have a huge selection. What’s your favorite genre?”

You resign yourself to the fact that this man is going to be up your ass until you leave the store.

“I don’t know. Action? Comedy?”

“Well, right over here we have Fast and Furious.” You wrinkle your nose. “We also have The Dark Knight.”

“Uh, no thanks. The villains in those movies are always so cheesy.”

Neil hums and scans the shelves, looking at the collection of videos for rent. “If you want a comedy we have Daddy Daycare, Superbad, American Pie…”

“I think I’ll just look around myself-”

“Or if you want something classic, we have Citizen Kane, Casablaca, The Godfather, Apocalypse Now-”

“Look, Neil,” you sigh. “I appreciate the suggestions but I really don’t need any help.”

Feeling rejected but not letting it show, Neil nods and steps away. “If you need anything, I’ll be behind the counter.”

You nod and watch him walk away before turning to browse the movie selection by yourself. It takes you a while to find anything that you were interested in, but you settled on Friday the 13th. It’s not what you’d usually go for, but your life needs a little excitement here and there.

From across the store, you could hear the other employees ridiculing Neil for “striking out”, though you’d have to argue that he never even got up to bat.

When you walk up to the counter to rent the movie, no one is to be found. You look around and find a bell on the counter labeled ring for assistance. You hit the button and the bell rings, and immediately following the chime is a thud and a curse. You peak over the counter to see Neil crouched underneath it, rubbing the top of his head.

He stands up and looks at you, putting on a charming smile like he didn’t just embarrass himself.

“All set?” he asks.

“Yep,” you reply shortly, handing him the box.

“Friday the 13th,” he reads. “That’s a good one. You didn’t tell me you’re into horror.”

“I’m not really. Just wanted a change,” you reply, figuring if you engage in his small talk, he’ll let you off the hook sooner.

“Did you know this was filmed at a real summer camp in New Jersey?” You shake your head. “It’s still operational, actually. The only set piece they had to build was the bathroom; everything else was already there.”

“That’s really interesting,” you smile, lying.

Unfortunately that was the wrong thing to say, because it made him perk up. “If you think that’s interesting, wait until you hear this…” He ducks under the counter again and comes back up with another movie in hand. “Scream was based on a series of real murders in the 90s. Ghostface was based of the Gainesville Ripper who killed five students in Florida. He wore a black ski mask, which was the inspiration for the movie.”

Neil must have noticed your concerned face and stopped.

“Uh, sorry. I guess giving a stranger facts about a serial killer is kind of weird,” he chuckles.

He scans your movie, swipes your card and prints out your receipt. Before he handed it to you, he scribbled something at the bottom.

“Thank you for renting from Gumshoe Video. Have a nice day,” he smiles.

You give him a polite smile back and on the way out of the door, you look down at the paper in your hand. He wrote what looks to be a phone number, but his handwriting is too messy for you to make out the digits.

[mostrovskaa]

Hi! I love your art, your color and shape work is amazing!!

I wanted to ask if you have any Polish media you can recommend to us non-Poles - movies, shows, stuff like that

Hi! Thank you so much for the ask! It is a great pleasure for me to share some Polish media to the people! I just have to preface this and tell especially my fellow Poles that: I am by no means an expert on the subject, I like a lot of bad media, I like a lot of children's media and mainstream media that I love to shape by my own creativity ok and I don't know every single niche thing so please don't come for me. Be nice please or I'll die of embarrassment! With that being said, here are just some of my picks of some cool things I like that I would recommend to check out! (Again I don't know about how available these are around the internet and what would be the subtitle situation but still, i love these pieces of media and think they are interesting to even just read or check out visually if anything!)

- The Akademia Pana Kleksa movies (Akademia Pana Kleksa, Podróże Pana Kleksa and Pan Kleks w Kosmosie) (1984-1988)- These children's fantasy and fable inspired beautiful movies based on a book incorporate beautiful puppetry and set designs, visually they are one of my biggest inspirations. Having both dark,whimsical and sci-fi elements they have been in my visual language since I saw them as a kid! Really really recommend looking into them, even though they may be wacky and strange at times! 

And they contain absolutely amazing songs :

Available to watch without subtitles unfortunately here, but worth to check out the visuals of all the movies in the series: https://www.ninateka.pl/vod/dla-dzieci/akademia-pana-kleksa/ 

- Poszukiwany, Poszukiwana (Man- woman wanted) (1972) (one of my favorite movies ever!) - a comedy film about a museum curator who gets accused of stealing a painting and goes into hiding as a maid. You would think with polish humor it would be the typical: haha man dressed as a woman, hilarious! type stuff but no! It’s funny, charming, sweet and smart and surprisingly based. Marysia, just one chance please queen. 

available to watch with subtitles here (alongside many other great Polish movies): https://35mm.online/vod/fabula/poszukiwany-poszukiwana

- Ranczo (tv show, 10 seasons, I believe it’s available on Netflix) - the epitome of Polish society. This is just pure Poland in tv show format. A timeless classic, never gets old, never stops being funny and relevant. Watched it a million times and could watch a million more and not get bored. An American woman with Polish heritage comes back to her family village and chaos ensues. I think the characters are so well defined you don’t need to know so much deep Polish lore to get what is going on so I really recommend it!

Other stuff you can find on Netflix I recommend are: 1670 - comedy show about 17th century Poland, Rojst (all seasons)- crime show set mainly in the 90’s.

And something that’s a Polish phenomenon that I absolutely love is media based around popular copypasta: a short film Fanatyk  based on this timeless classic of a copypasta, and a tv show called Emigracja XD - about polish guys finding work in the UK.

And obviously the shows I make art for are always something I encourage people check out like Czterdziestolatek (amazing old show with a cult following) and Ojciec Mateusz (absolute shitty formulaic 30 season tv show that i love with all my heart).

Thank you again, sorry for the long post! There’s obviously many more cool Polish media to watch but this is just what immediately popped into my head! :-))

[kittyball23]

apologies if this has already been asked,, HOWEVER - who is your favourite character from each movie - [and if you want] from the tv serieses? id love to know! love your work:)

Hi! This is a good question, I had to take a minute to consider this, but here’s what I think:

Overall out of all three movies, I want to say that Branch prevails as my favorite character. I liked his recluse nature in the first one, wanting to keep to himself and not talk to people if he could help it (a similarity he and I kinda share lmao). I like seeing how he’s been gaining happiness and friends throughout each movie, and it’s needless to say that his relationship with Poppy is so, so sweet 💖

In World Tour, the two I really enjoyed were Tiny Diamond and Hickory. Tiny Diamond I think worked better in part 2 than he did in 3 since because of the limitation of his scenes. Idk, I feel like it worked better in the delivery of his jokes, if that makes some sense.

I like Hickory’s southern charm, and still wish that were a scene where Poppy forgives him (the dude felt pretty bad about what he did to her)

In Trolls Band Together, I liked the bros, but almost wish that they had a little more depth. I get there was only so much you could pack into a 90-minute movie, but I guess the samples of their personalities that we got were good

I also liked the jokes they did for Velvet and Veneer (and admittedly my brain continues to equal them to Sharpay and Ryan aakosdgmaiepnhapoeunh)

I haven’t actually seen either show, so I can’t say my opinion on the characters there, but anyhow, that’s what I think about the films 🙂

[miradanii]

Beast Wars First Watch - Complete

I almost teared up at the end. 52 episodes of a old ass Transformers show. For a primitive CGI show about toys beating each other up from 1996 it holds up like REALLY. The issue is that we're in the year 2024 and it's very understandable that it wouldn't be easy to go and watch janky polygons for 52 episodes. So if anyone was interested in Beast Wars but couldn't go past the first episode because how weird everything looks, here's what helped me:

This is the second CGI tv show ever to air on TV, so give it a break.

1996...Beast Wars was animated by Mainframe. And their first CGI show in 1994 was called Reboot the first ever CGI show ever made. Sure when Toy Story came out and changed the game in 1995, they worked within their limitations. All the toys were plastic for a reason. They were very simple. Beast Wars said fuck that and in each 20 minute episodes contain characters with various textures, performing complex animations during whatever tv schedule they were on. If you ever spotted a character's face or body sliding when it's not supposed to, they were probably running out of time or there's an error that just couldn't be fixed as easily as it could now. I studied Maya in college years ago and I'm telling you rendering was a bitch if your sequence was long. Keeping in mind with what the team had to work with or possibly even invent on their own was just enough for me to be massively impressed. Our standards for CGI in TV have risen over the course of the years. We had Transformers Prime in 2010, 2015 Miraculous Ladybug premiered, CGI films became experimental such as Spiderverse and Puss in Boots. So think of Beast Wars as an early part of history in animation. It's nice to see how far we've come.

If you crave a silly time, this is for you. Whatever choices the animator's made were really funny (not the ones they had no control over), or just bizarre. When you get used to the style, over the course of the series the animation of the characters start becoming more expressive. Season 2 I think Megatron got increasingly expressive with his body movements. Whoever was animating him, they were having a lot of fun (at leas that's what it seems like). Inferno is a character to keep an eye on because he does a lot of fun motions with his body too. I kept losing my shit on the choices on how they animated in certain scenes. Kept me entertained until the very end.

2. Banger Voice Acting

The voice acting is one of the standouts from this show. Though the animation may not hold up well, the voice acting does. Garry Chalk is such a sassy young Optimus. A bit more fun than the young Optimus Prime that David Kaye (oh shit I just realized he's Megatron in Beast Wars...wow yeah this guy has range) plays in Transformers Animated if you were looking for anything similar like that. You'll still get some goofy 90's voice acting though like with Dinobot and Terrorsaur, even Rattrap but I think it's part of it's charm. I once again bring up Megatron as a reason to watch this show. The way this man delivers his lines is just *chef's kiss*

3. Fun and Weirdly Dark...

After finishing the series holy shit. I cannot fathom how you have a show with a rollerblading t-rex AND a decent onscreen death count. Hanna-Barbara cartoon noises alongside characters being constantly impaled and ripped apart (sometimes its for a teehee haha but then spin it around adding in some tension and that sweet composition and suddenly its not so funny anymore). Shakespeare. I don't know if it was just me but I couldn't predict most of what would happen next. Because being a high budget show to sell toys...knowing the 1986 movie...these characters aren't safe. I lost my shit, multiple times. More than I thought it would. Before finishing this show I did sneak a peek at what other people had said about Beast Wars and what was constantly being said was that nearly every episode was important to the over all plot of the series. And it's true! You miss an episode and you might be a little confused. I wanna know how kids who were first tuning into the show after a couple characters die and what their thoughts were...cause it's not like Batman Animated where you could watch the show in any order and be fine. Even before the box sets were released too.

Overall in the year 2024, I love Beast Wars. Obviously it's a product of it's time and no doubt has its flaws. But, that's what happens with a lot of beloved older series. Out of all the Transformers stories I've been watching/reading the past few months, Beast Wars got the biggest reactions out of me. It's also the one I had a lot of fun with because it's so unhinged and goofy/bizarre. I cannot stress that enough. Because Transformers is already bizarre enough and Beast Wars shot past it for me. How is Beast Machines gonna go after it???

I dunno. It's next on my list.

Even more thoughts and spoilers (end of the show spoilers) below:

I...yeah Beast Machines is next for me. I am gonna miss the silly polygons of the original Beast Wars crew. NGL I thought I had one more episode since the youtube playlist said 53. There must have been a double episode or something. I am aware that Beast Wars had complications later on in its run. Similar to TFP so it's obvious to say that I think they needed at least like two max three more episodes for certain plot points and just...character life span. No shit I would have wanted one more season. The lil ol 12 episodes and a 45 minute special at least. Dude...Dinobot 2...when that clone came back for a while, I really didn't think they were gonna do anything with him. There weren't any reactions to Dinobot coming back from the Maximals other than...a Pred...always a Pred...so I'm like okay Dinobot 2...different character...I don't need to think about it. Thanks for pulling my heartstrings show...really gotta push me off the ledge when I'm not looking huh? Man finds his honor, do his good deed after being released from the grasp of Megatron's control....looks at Optimus to fully remember himself and FUCKING DIES IN THE END...AGAIN???? That's so cruel. owie.

Tigerhawk after over 20 episodes an INSANE character reveal and clever way of bring back two characters for the price of one (because they can only afford so many voice actors and animate so many characters). This was a good concept. I would have loved to see it be explored...IF THEY DIDN'T DIE...AGAIN. Especially Airazor can't catch a break...this poor woman.

Okay bye Death Charge. You got what you wanted. At least he technically didn't die in vain? The shock that Rampage just let it happen...yeah those two are a character study.

dsafghjghtrjy yeah give Waspinator what he wants. The potentially immortal robot a good ending. At least he's not evil anymore????? Man does not care his former coworker's body parts are used as musical instruments and cooking ware.

This show has a higher onscreen character death than Transformers Prime (Vehicons don't count). Sheesh. Transformers die...a lot. However, Beast Wars surprised me the most with it. I noted from above that these characters get shot, torn apart, flattened?, and beaten senselessly throughout the show. So when a character dies for good its somewhat shocking in my opinion.

All the love for Blackarachnia. I was in constant fear about her character because I couldn't tell what was going to happen. There was a good chance she would either die or disappoint and become Megatron's goon again. The best version is her Transmetal upgrade and recognizing the design as inspiration for Blackarachnia in Transformers Animated. I screamed when I saw her design. I was so happy. I love her and Silverbolt. What a healthy relationship.

This is a show I do want to rewatch it at some point and even just...be one of those people that make a 45 minute video essay some day. I want physical copies but the site where they supposedly sold it is...not there last time I checked? Which is odd because I had a paper ad for it on the TFP blue-rays I got for my birthday.

Also...I do like this series better than Transformers Prime...not because it's better overall, like if you seen it, you know. Also just rewatching Prime simultaneously cemented my feelings about it. I still love both though. Prime is close to my heart since it's what I grew up with, but Beast Wars has a Dino on rollerskates and Optimus Prime as a blue gorilla riding a hoverboard...like...idk man. I just think it's neat.

[dreammeiser]

I love the use of pastels/colors on your art. (Dream along with me)

There something about it that scratches my brain :D

AH Thank you so much! I really love pastel kidcore aesthetics myself :o) I've been trying to capture that style for a while, it just feels nice and cozy and at-home for me. I'm glad it itches something in your brain too!! Ain't that nice!

Fun little tidbit for you because I felt like it and I get asked about it a lot too: My palette for these fellas were inspired off of Sesame Street and Carebears of course (all the characters together make a rainbow!!! It's so cute!!!), but with a little bit of that retro charm you'd see in older animation like Don Bluth, Rankin Bass, Sanrio films, and the Moomin series from the 90s (my favorite!)

That's just off the top of my head :oD I have giant pinterest boards for several Dreamalong things if you'd like to see. I like to be open with my resources-- especially with how people have been behaving lately, ha! Here you go:

[onlydylanobrien]

Saturday Night Premiere at TIFF 2024

SATURDAY NIGHT

Jason Reitman CANADIAN PREMIERE United States of America | 2024 | 109m | English

Director Jason Reitman captures the frenzied lead-up to the very first episode of Saturday Night Live as a motley bunch of then-unknown and untrained young comedians prepare to step into a revolutionary spotlight that will change history and make them all stars. It’s the mid-1970s, and a flipbook of Watergate, Vietnam, and rising counterculture make everything old in America feel broken, and everything new feel scary as hell. And now, yet another certainty is about to crack. Because in 90 minutes’ time, live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night.

SATURDAY NIGHT dives headfirst into the frenzied hour-and-a-half before a clutch of unknown, untrained, unruly young comedians took over network television and transformed the culture. Saturday Night Live would go on to become the late-night institution that brought John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, and later Eddie Murphy, Tina Fey, Will Ferrell, and others to our screens. But tonight, it’s barely contained madness backstage, with Canadian Lorne Michaels (Gabriel LaBelle, The Fabelmans, TIFF ’22) desperately trying to channel the chaos towards a vision even he’s not sure of.

On the eve of SNL’s 50th anniversary, it’s a particular pleasure to watch how unlikely it all was at the beginning. Chevy Chase honing the frat boy charm that would make him a movie star. Garrett Morris saying America’s racial quiet part out loud. Belushi a bundle of Id in the corner. Jane Curtin, Laraine Newman, and Gilda Radner holding their own against a tide of comedy testosterone.

Director Jason Reitman (Juno, Up in the Air, Ghostbusters: Afterlife) has made certified classics, but he’s never made a film like this. Fuelled by the same anarchic energy that drove the show to air, he orchestrates this tour de force as a glorious circus of talent, ambition, and appetite for risk, with the clock ticking down to showtime.

CAMERON BAILEY

Content advisory: drug use, coarse language

Showtimes

Get Tickets here

Time Zone: CEST Time zone based on your browser time

Tuesday, September 10 Royal Alexandra Theatre Premium 11:00 PM

Wednesday, September 11 Scotiabank Theatre Toronto Press & Industry 3:15 PM

Wednesday, September 11 Visa Screening Room at the Princess of Wales Theatre Premium 9:00 PM

Friday, September 13 Visa Screening Room at the Princess of Wales Theatre 9:00 PM

Saturday, September 14 Scotiabank Theatre Toronto 3:00 PM

[delyth88]

X-Men rewatch part 3

Next up X-Men First Class.

And whoops! Another film I thought I'd seen but hadn't. Lol Wonder which one it is I did see.

I enjoyed this, although the shoehorning into historical events was a bit much, although I did like the idea that some mutants thought they'd survive nuclear war. Would have been kinda interesting to see what Kevin Bacon's character could have done there.

I did enjoy seeing Charles and Raven's relationship. Genuinely sweet and with well established motivations. Makes me sad. :(

I'm a little confused now about when and why Charles is in a wheelchair. I swear I remember watching something else where it was more of a trade-off between mutant ability and walking, but maybe that's coming up next. And we've seen him walking in the earlier films in the 90s iirc.

I adore how terribly, terribly, old school English Charles is here. Lol. His accent and turn of phrase. I have no idea if the character is in the source material, but it fits perfectly with Patrick Stewart's Professor X. Also his huge confidence, that's at turns charming and slightly embarrassing. I think it's a perfect combo for someone who has grown up in his situation with his abilities in this time and place, and a huge contrast to Erik and Raven.

I did like watching his first experience of Cerebro. The surprise and the joy at seeing all these people for the first time.

Although I did find it a little sad that it was already built by someone and not something Charles helped develop (and Erik helped to build as mentioned in the earlier films - but I guess I've already established that perfect continuity is not what they're going for here :/ ). And it also felt a little cheap that Magneto's helmet was nicked from another guy. (Also I'm so glad Magneto's fashion sense got better as he got older - that reveal costume at the end was awful! 😅)

Erik's story was nicely fleshed out. Bloody hell dude! I'd be baying for blood too. I think he summed it up well with "Unfortunately, you killed my mother".

I would perhaps have liked to see a whole film where he's working with Charles before he parts ways, for bigger impact so we can really feel the loss of his friendship, but if it had to be squeezed into one film then this worked.

I really liked the scene where Charles asks him to turn the giant satellite dish. He's like wtf? Lol. And seeing that he's not using his abilities to their fullest yet and Charles helping him a bit. And the joy of unlocking something. Small moments where you think things might work out okay for him. :'(

Looking forward to the next one (which I'm pretty sure I have actually seen before...)!

[honourablejester]

Okay, normally this wouldn’t be something I’d go near at all, but I saw some things fly past my dash on the new James Somerton youtube controversy, and I vaguely remembered watching one of the guy’s videos a while back (I can’t actually remember which one, I just remember he was talking about growing up in a poor town where people were paid under the table as a regular fact of life? I can’t remember the topic, which maybe says something about the dude’s presentation style). So I got curious and watched first hbomberguy’s plagiarism video and then Todd in the Shadow’s misinformation video on the guy. The basic takeaway of which appears to be that 90% of his output is stolen, and the parts that aren’t are often wildly incorrect instead. Anyway. I realise this is a weird thing to get hung up on given the much more serious issues of, you know, plagiarism and theft and misogyny and frankly astonishing opinions on queer history, but …

There’s a section in Todd’s video (around 1.25.00) about Somerton’s interpretations of various vampire media from his video on ‘Vampires and the Gays that love them’, and I got to ‘Gary Oldman was the first fuckable Dracula’, and … what?

It’s around 38.10 in Somerton’s video, and the full quote is as follows:

“Again, the significant element here is how readily Coppola depicts a vampire who fucks, whereas Dracula is more prominently depicted as a reclusive humanoid monster. From Nosferatu, Plan Nine from Outer Space, Salem’s Lot, the Last Voyage of the Demeter, this figure has almost exclusively been painted white, and shown with clownishly monstrous features. But Coppola creates a monster for whom the audience looks at and completely understands what Mina is so horny about.”

I’m going to leave out everything else he says about Coppola’s Dracula, because … wow, there’s a lot of interesting opinions in there, but …

Christopher Lee. And Bela fucking Lugosi.

The man cannot be unaware of the two single most famous depictions of Dracula ever put on film, right? Dracula has been ‘more prominently depicted’ as the Nosferatu-inspired Count Orlok type monstrosities, and Coppola’s is the first ‘sexy Dracula’ on film? Like. What?

As Todd says, anyone even passingly aware of Dracula films is gonna go … Hammer? Universal? Bela Lugosi. The single portrayal that has been shaping Dracula’s iconography for nearly a literal century? THE film Dracula? The one literally everyone is going to think of?

Like. It’s such a weird choice. If he was going to say something about what you could get away with onscreen now vs in the 60s or 30s, or about the evolving tension between the sexier Draculas vs the more monstrous, which Chris Lee’s Dracula was an element of, a more visceral, animalistic portrayal vs Lugosi’s suave charm, arriving to what Coppola’s could actually explicitly put on the screen, but … This is framed like Universal and Hammer just didn’t exist. At all. It cherry-picks such a weird selection of examples of the Nosferatu style portrayals (and not even of Dracula, just vampires in general), and just flat never mentions the two single most famous Dracula film franchises ever made.

I’m curious what the comment section for this video was like. It’s been locked down now because of the controversy, so I can’t tell, but I’m assuming … I mean, that can’t have flown, right? As Todd says, literally anyone could have picked up on that one.

It’s just such a strange thing to choose to say. There maybe is a fair bit to say about ideas of sexiness in film across different decades, or if he meant that Coppola’s Dracula was the first to literally fuck on screen because of what could be shown in different eras, or even which Dracula he personally found most sexy, but …

Why would you choose to say, with a straight face, that Dracula has most prominently been depicted Nosferatu-style when literally anyone with the remotest knowledge of Dracula is going to point directly at Bela Lugosi and his ninety years worth of imitations and rejections and parodies and rebuttals? Nosferatu is a silent era classic and a periodic cult revival for vampire depictions, but THE movie vampire in popular consciousness is still Lugosi’s suave, sinister European nobleman in classy eveningwear. Any random Joe Soap off the street is gonna know that. Saying the Nosferatu depiction is the most prominent is just flat not true and everyone knows it.

Sorry. Again, I know this is a weird thing to get hung up on, but it’s such a weird choice. I get selective cherry picking of evidence to make your chosen point, but you can’t just ignore the one depiction that literally everyone knows and expect them to just nod along. Right?

Anyway. Weirdness aside. Carry on.

[snail-eggs]

1.1 Saturday | film

synopsis: It hurts. 2,191 days later and it still hurts. Juno Connors is haunted by the death of her best friend. Haunted by the unfinished documentary Juno refuses to let die along with him. But it has proved difficult. The subject---washed-up skating legend, Ronnie Allen; her best friend’s childhood hero who suddenly went missing sometime in the early 90s---is less than cooperative. She spends months in London trying to get him to cooperate and she gets nothing for it in return. Nothing of value, nothing to make all the dollars and time spent worth it. Until she meets a young sergeant, that is. Juno meets Sergeant Kyle “Gaz” Garrick and sets herself on a course for healing through this newfound intimacy. It makes her think that, just maybe, she can finish this fucking documentary and never have to face Ronnie Allen again.

a/n: my god, there's no way it took me a year to polish this one chapter. anyway, here it is over 365 days later.

masterlist | warnings on ao3 | read on ao3 | read on wattpad | playlist | divider by @/cafekitsune

The air in Carlsbad is different. Tinged with a saltiness from the sea that Juno can taste on her lips, the breeze at the perfect speed, perfect temperature. She knocks on the rickety old trailer’s door, wishing that she had taken a fleeting moment to film this. This beach—it's gorgeous. Tucked away into its own lonesome corner with a view to die for. Given the chance, Juno’d retire off to here too. She sighs. Bites her lip.

It shouldn’t be her that’s doing this,

She’s staring out at the waves lapping at the shore, a half step off the trailer’s poor excuse for a porch, listening to the way they crash against the rocks and land. She doesn’t deserve to be here, in his place. The door swings open with a creak so loud, she swears it's about to fall off its hinges. Actually, the hinges themselves look more ready to fall off the frame than anything. Charming, she thinks. Gives the whole thing some real character—

“You lost?” —like it needs any more. 

Before her, Ralph DiMaggio stands in all his leathery, sun bleached glory. But burgeoning against his loud button up. But he looks at her softly—kindly, cutting through the rough image she had about him entirely and she can see it in his eyes, in his slight smile with a missing canine. He looks happy. Sober. Completely unlike how Fish described him in the notes he left. Juno feels half bad for expecting to find him at the bottom of a bottle, a mess. 

 “No, you’re exactly who I’m looking for.” She finally takes that full step up to the trailer, extends her hand. He takes it. “My name is Juno Connors—you met my partner, Hayden Fisher, like around a year ago.” Eyes empty, searching for something in the recesses of his mind, Juno can tell he doesn’t remember Fish. It hurts a little. “For the Ronnie Allen doc…” Now she’s searching too— reaching , hoping that he remembers. “He was, uh, a little obsessive about wanting to… to solve Ronnie’s disappearance from, well, the public and then probably never called you back?” She’s fumbling now. Feels like a fucking idiot.

And then it clicks.

“Yeah,” he moves out of the way, gestures for her to come in, “Yeah, no, I remember him, Kid was a lot.”

Juno laughs—well, breathes out a laugh more so than actually laughing. He’s right, he was a lot. Too much, even. She gets it, really, she does. No one could ever entirely stomach him quite like her. Supposes she’s just adept at tolerating the intolerable.

“Why didn’t he ever call back?”

“Thing is, he was going to but he died back in March, so.”

“I’m sorry.”

She gives a shrug that feels all sorts of wrong. “Yeah,”

Reaching into her bag, she flashes him a tight-lipped smile. Her way of saying It’s okay because she doesn’t really know how else to without making it worse, the awkwardness, or sounding like more of an idiot than she already does. Because she’s faced it now: Juno’s blowing this interview and it hasn’t even started. This isn’t her beat, isn’t what she does. No, her job was to sit there and point the camera at someone while Fish did all the heavy lifting. All the talking, But Fish is gone now and there’s still lifting to be done.

The lavalier mic is heavy in her hand, heavier than she knows it really is. She gestures vaguely with it. “I’m here now. For that interview—only if you want to, obviously.”

“Gotta be a little more assertive than that, Junie. A lot more.” He says suddenly like he’s known her forever. Her brows furrow. “Be a bitch, it's the only way you’ll get what you want from old pieces of shit like me.” Ralph eases himself into a chair that groans under his weight, points his finger at her. “That’s a fact.”

“If that’s the case, is this old piece of shit gonna give me what I want or did I drive all the way down here for you to waste my time?” Juno cocks her head to the side. If assertive is what he wants, it's assertive that he’ll get.

Ralph spreads his arms out, smiles wide—proud—missing tooth and all. “Mic me, Junie.” She can’t help it, she smiles too.

And she does—has him clip the recorder to his waistband right on the small of his back as she loops the microphone on its wire wire through the inside of his shirt shirt and settles it on the collar. The camera comes to her like second nature; the setting up of it is a process that doesn’t take all that much thought. Ralph watches her and she doesn’t give him so much as a glance. In her periphery, he’s merely a skin colored blob. She pretends it's Fish sitting there instead as she screws the camera onto the tripod as tight as it goes. It's locked. Ralph shifts around in his seat like he’s never been interviewed before. Juno suddenly realizes that it's probably been forever since the last time. Makes her feel a little better about her uselessness. 

The journal is the last piece. One she has to cross the room for—left it on Ralph’s kitchen counter before she mic’d him—her strides and the weight of her warping the vinyl flooring. It burns her hands when she grabs it. Impossible, she knows, but it burns them. With grief, with the corrosive acidity of expectations not met and even worse, expectations she’s not sure she can meet at all.

But she has to try, that’s what this is all about. She looks back at Ralph. Relaxes her shoulders.

“So, what do you know about Ronnie Allen?”

He nearly hits her twice.

Wild, drunk hands wave around mere inches from her camera. From her face. Juno is sick of looking at him. At that ugly mug of his, at the tattoos that have bled deep into every wrinkle and crevice of it. Like runny ink on shitty paper. She looks at him with loathing. Juno’s sick of London now too. She sets her camera on the bar, takes a lazy sip of her beer, and just looks at him. He’s all washed-up. Fucking pathetic now. He’s nothing. He stares back at Juno, like maybe she’s a little off, when she sets down the camera. His wild hands fall into his lap, his story stops.

The rim of the bottle is still at her lips, “Ron, that’s not what I asked you.” 

“What?”

“I didn’t ask you about the fucking glory days,” she’s heard enough about the glory days to last a lifetime, “I asked you about what happened after.”

He squeezes his eyes shut real tight, “After?” How he manages to slur just a single word so monumentally, Juno doesn’t know.

“Yeah, Ronnie, after .” It’s still not clicking. “Jesus, Ron—I asked about Merced.” The location rolls off her tongue but it's Ronnie’s face that twists into one of disgust. She can’t seem to break him. It feels like pulling teeth, trying to get him to talk about Merced.

She doesn’t want to feel this way. Not tonight.

Juno’s sick of it all. The poking, the prodding, when she knows—deep down inside, she knows —that he won’t talk. He’s a stubborn old fuck. Ronnie will keep her in the dark until she gives up because that’s exactly what he wants. He wants her to run home with her tail between her legs but she won’t. She cannot and will not let Fish’s life’s work collapse in on itself over a lousy drunk. She doesn’t care that the drunk in question was his hero once upon a time. He’s nothing to her and nothing he’ll stay if he can’t give her what she fucking needs.

It’s been six years that she’s wasted on this. What’s six more?

“You’re still chasin’ this shit,” 

“Trust me, I’m not happy about it either.” Juno doesn’t like the way her voice sounds. It’s quiet, comes from deep in her throat, all tired and flat. This isn’t her. But maybe it is now. After Fish, after all this mess, maybe this is who she is. 

Fingers twitching around the neck of her bottle, gripping it just a little too tight, Juno looks out over Ronnie’s shoulder. Out at the other patrons of the bar that are surely having a far better night than she is. And then she feels it. The burning of eyes fixated on her. Juno’s own scan the crowd again more carefully now.

“When’re you just gonna quit?” She doesn’t hear it, not really. All her attention’s focused on the other lonely soul across the bar. The bill of his cap casts a shadow over his eyes but Juno knows, without a doubt that he’s looking at her. Staring. So she stares back. Narrows her eyes a little—hoping that if she squints hard enough, she can bend all laws of reality and really see him. 

But she can’t. So she inches away from the bar, breaks his gaze for just a second to tell Ronnie plainly, and maybe even a little too loudly that “If anything happens to this camera, I’m never leaving you alone, got it?” And he shrugs. Waves it off like he does with everything else that she says. But he reaches his arm out to where Juno was sitting. Lazily slides the camera into his chest like he’s protecting it in his own half-assed way. Juno doesn’t hover.

Stands of fading blue fall into her face as she wades through the crowd that feels like its only getting denser by the second. She doesn’t bother to tuck them out of the way. Just keeps making her way through. When the crowd breaks, the air feels lighter, cooler; her lungs have room to expand. 

And, finally, she can see the eyes that gazed upon her from across the bar.

“You have a staring problem,” there’s a grin there. The most genuine one that’s graced her face in, hell, six years, probably. 

“You came all this way to tell me that?”

She shrugs, “And a couple other things.” Juno sits down right across from him. Feels kind of giddy talking to someone new, kiddy like knowing without any real proof that you’ve met someone good. Someone solid. “So, do you always look at random women like that or should I feel special?”

He, whoever he is, smirks a little. Juno can tell he’s trying to fight it but it comes through anyway. “Like what?” He's handsome. Soft behind the eyes. 

“Y’know,” she leans into the table, smile reaching her eyes now despite the subtleness of it. “Like there’s no one else here but me. Like I’m the only one worth talking to—and I am, by the way. I am so worth talking to.”

“Can’t have much of a conversation if I don’t even know your name.”

“Well, who said that?”

Words catch in his throat a little and Juno smirks. Bottom lip caught in her teeth. Just tell me your name.”

“Juno.” Said so quick she’s barely even sure he heard it.

“Like the movie?”

She gives him a look. It’s a yes and no answer—more no than yes. “Just the way it’s spelled. They named me after the place in Alaska, just wanted to feel special, I guess.”

“It suits you,” they haven’t broken each other’s gaze. Not once and Juno feels like she’s drowning in the particular shade of brown of his irises.

“I’d hope so, it’s the only name I got.” There’s more of a twang there than she’d like. She wonders if he’d be able to place it, her accent. Knows there’s no way in hell she could place his no matter how hard she tried. “What about you; what’d you get saddled with?”

“Kyle,” Juno nods. Her own silent way of telling him that she thinks his name suits him too. “Most people call me Gaz, though.”

“Why?”

“Haven’t got a clue.” He takes a sip from his glass. Juno wants to reach out and grab it. Take a sip from it too. The impulse is so strong and she’s not entirely sure why. Maybe it's one of those weird intrusive things. Or maybe, it's her desire for closeness that hasn’t been sated in years. Hell, she can’t remember the last time she hugged somebody—really hugged somebody; fingers gripping at clothes, digging into skin, a mouthful of hair. All that. The closest she’s gotten is hauling Ronnie into bed when he’s too wasted to do it himself. And sometimes she lingers. Lets him keep his grip on her wrist while he begs her for a glass of water. She supposes that she likes the warmth.

Oftentimes, she wonders what it’s like to be held. In all honesty, Juno’s forgotten it and so now she looks at Gaz, a stranger she’s shared but a handful of words with, and—more than anything—just wants a hug. Is that so much to ask for; to be held for even a fraction of a second?

She needs to go home, she thinks. Desperation’s not all that good of a look on her. 

Gaz’s eyes narrow in on her in a way she can’t quite read. The feeling of his gaze is sharper. Precise. Juno feels naked. Feels like he can read her mind. But it softens and suddenly she can breathe. He nods at her, lowers his glass. “What’s that about?”

And her brows furrow before he points at her shirt. Juno looks down. Lindsay Lohan’s mugshot is decorating her torso and she breathes out a laugh. He laughs with her.

“What, you don’t like it?” She teases.

“Never said that .”

“You could wear it if you want—actually, we might be the same size.”

“Yeah?” Juno nods when he says it, smiling so wide that her cheeks are starting to hurt. “I mean, we could test out that theory.”

The chatter from the crowd behind her is getting louder. Bar stools scrape against the ground with an ear shattering screech. Juno shrugs, smirking a little, “I’m down if you are.”

Then, a resounding crack. 

Juno and Gaz both whip their heads in the direction of the bar. Juno’s mouth gapes as she watches the bartender clutch his nose. Sees the blood on Ronnie’s fist. Her heart pounds. He can’t get can’t get caught up like this, he can’t afford it— she can’t afford it. Juno lurches from her chair, toppling it over as Gaz calls her name. She shoves and elbows her way through the crowd now surrounding Ronnie and grabs him roughly by the arm. Drags him with all her might and it doesn’t take much. He’s already long gone—the lights are on and no one’s home. So he stumbles on after her.

Juno doesn’t even get to spare Gaz a glance as she and Ronnie barrel through the door.

The mini-bar in this hotel is piss-poor, Juno thinks as she lines up the third tiny bottle of vodka on the windowsill. Really. She’s had better liquor from forgotten bottles in the back of Ronnie’s cabinets. Maybe he just has better taste than the hotel staff. Juno doesn’t really care either way. Her night’s over before it even started and she wishes she’d gone home with Gaz. He was cute, nice enough. Would’ve been a fun time, she bets, but instead she’s stuck here in her room emptying the mini-bar and wondering if this is just some ugly habit she picked up from six years and counting with Ronnie. Day in and day out. She grimaces. Takes another tiny bottle and sits on the bed.

She’s got more notes for this documentary than Fish ever had. It gives her a pang in the chest, the thought. Makes her eyes water. She breaks the seal on the bottle. The transcript for Ralph’s interview haunts her on her desktop, among others. Juno goes for her browser instead. Her fingers work quicker than her mind—she’s looking at departing flights before she knows it.

There’s a few she can catch before Ronnie wakes up in the morning and calls her asking why his knuckles are all bloody.

It isn’t the first time that she’s thought maybe she’s gotten all that she ever will out of him. Even figured out how to wrap this doc up in a pretty little bow without knowing shit about the why of it all. Ronnie Allen, ex skating legend, is a good for nothing drunk that fell into obscurity because he felt like it. There is no real reason, no meaningful moment that made him run from everything he had. He’s a good for nothing dunk that abandoned everyone he knew and seems to feel just fine about it. Sure, it’s bleak but people’d eat that shit up. She knows she would.

Fish wouldn’t, though.

He always wanted to look deeper than the other documentarians, it’s why he started this one. He’d lose his mind if he found out she ditched it before seeing it through completely.

Juno downs the fourth bottle in one go. Her throat burns.

When she wakes, there’s hair all in her mouth. The room smells overwhelmingly like Fish’s living room. Juno buries her head in the sheets and refuses to breathe.

[canmom]

Animation Night 169: Sex. 2.

So. Storytime.

Two years ago, we had a joke. "We should totally show some hentai on Animation Night 69." we said. Having said that, we were honour-bound to totally commit to the bit. Teaming up with @mogsk, I wrote a massive post on sexuality in animation and the history of 'hentai', from the hentai seiyoku discussed in 20th-century sexology journals to the modern subcultural kaleidoscope.

It is, genuinely, one of my favourite posts I ever wrote in this project. It's definitely not perfect - the sections on BL and the lolicon boom are especially weak, but still! There's no way I'm beating that.

Mogs, meanwhile assembled a perfectly pitched playlist of animation dealing with the theme of sexuality, from classic oldschool BL like Kaze to Ki no Uta to charming little comedies like Oruchuban Ebichu, and a scattering of actual h-anime like Weather Report Girl. For my part, I led with the genuinely classic film Kanashimi no Belladonna (Belladonna of Sadness).

So somehow - somehow! - we managed to make the idea of getting together with your online friends to watch a bunch of anime about sex just... plain fun and uplifting, to the point that @footsteps-on-the-dance-floor will tell me years later how much she enjoyed it. Not to mention, we got a pretty good cross-section of the different dimensions of sexuality in animation as well!

I didn't even get banned on Twitch.

This week, the counter has drawn the sex number. So can we do it again? Well, my friends, we're gonna try~ Tonight, @mogsk and canmom present: the long-awaited sequel to sex. Sex, 2.

This time we're narrowing our focus a bit. One of the distinctive elements of eromanga, by the analysis of Kimi Rito in The History of Hentai Manga, is how particular images get encoded as signs that can be reused by other mangaka, and these signs can become the seed for particular subgenres. So, our selection tonight is in part designed to give a brief cross-section of some of these visual tropes.

So let me introduce you to our program. CWs: sex, obviously; also a couple of these films (Cleopatra, Parade Parade) cw for rape. Here's the programme, read on for brief descriptions of each item and a lil cultural context~!

Cleopatra (1970) - oldschool Tezuka weirdness

Boku no Sexual Harassment (1994-5) - 90s salaryman BL

Interspecies Reviewers (2020) - monstergirl sex comedy, and an instance of the trend of recent cable TV h-anime

Agent Aika (1997-9) - panty shots to the most ludicrous degree

Comical Psychosomatic Medicine (2015) - ONA comedy framed as fetish education

Parade Parade (1996) - futanari + yuri

Golden Boy (1995-6) - 90s sakuga and a classic comedy

Queen's Blade (2009) - kyonyuu

Colorful (1999) - panty-centric comedy skits

after that: if you still have energy, I might take requests~

[n.b. a lot of these are TV series - we will only really be getting a 1-2 episode sample of each one, for runtime's sake.]

Cleopatra (クレオパトラ), 1970

Last time we led with certified classic, genuinely moving and good as hell film Belladonna of Sadness. This was part of a last gambit by the struggling Mushi Productions, the studio of Osamu Tezuka, credited with inventing TV anime back in the day with Astro Boy. Long before there would be such a thing as an h-anime subculture, Tezuka experimented with creating erotic animated films based on history and mythology.

Belladonna is the best remembered of the three, and with good reason. Tezuka was largely not involved by this point. The others, though... are some plain fucking weird movies, I'll tell you that much. So tonight we'll be watching Cleopatra (1970). I may have shown you the trailer before - this is the Caesar trampoline movie. That is only the beginning.

I recently finished reading Osamu Tezuka's manga Ayako, written in 1972-1973 - not long after this movie, actually, during Tezuka's gekiga phase. I'm sure it's common knowledge by now, but Tezuka was one horny old guy! Ayako has all manner of skulduggery: incest, murder, gangster stuff, more murder, etc., but the core story is about a girl who is imprisoned in an underground cell for 20-some years by the machinations of her family. As she grows up, she ends up in an incestuous relationship with her protective brother - and once she finally escapes, she is highly agoraphobic but also throws herself at nearly every man she meets.

It's very much a story of the sins of the past echoing down into the future, shot though with post-war history and gangster movies, but its central fixation is the figure of Ayako herself: the soft cloistered object of obsession and attraction. Whether they want to protect Ayako, seek absolution from her, fuck her, or exploit her.

But it's also in places a really wacky manga, with a lot of very comical contrivances or hyper-cartoonish panels with extreme squash and stretch. It's a completely different way of displaying action.

I think this gives me a sense of the sort of wavelength Tezuka was on when he draws a scene where Cleopatra is tied down by stakes and a bunch of guys line up to rape her while she shouts at them defiantly. It's all very theatrical, a huge contrast to the much more internally oriented Belladonna. Just a plain strange movie, but it's one I've been fascinated to watch for ages.

Whatever we make of Cleopatra, we'll jump into the program that Mogs drew up! Once again she's come through magnificently.

My Sexual Harassment (僕のセクシャルハラスメント), 1995-6

Our next act is some old school yaoi! One day I'll get to do that big effortpost on the history of BL, but not this day. In any case, Boku no Sexual Harassment is an OVA from the mid 90s about a young man called Junya Mochizuki trying to fuck his way up the company ranks for the sake of himself and his partner Kazunori Honma. In particular, he has an affair with his boss, Mr. Honma, running across the whole OVA.

This is perhaps best known for an infamous scene involving corn. It's here as a window into this period of BL - not quite as high-mindedly aesthetic as its 80s predecessors, and with its erotic focus being on like... 90s salarymen, which is quite a specific thing!

Interspecies Reviewers (異種族レビュアーズ), 2020

Next, a series which has the dubious distinction of proving too steamy for Crunchyroll. Interspecies Reviewers enters the general milieu of modern videogame-inflected fantasy anime, a comedy dancing along the line of whether it's too overtly porn to air on TV. The story tells of a group of fantasy characters who are the clients of monstergirl sex workers, hoping to encounter as many different species as possible. This is a frame device for a series of episodes focused around what it would be like to have sex with various kinds of monstergirl.

This is an example of a recent trend in TV anime, namely very overtly sexual cable TV anime such as High School DxD, which have in a way come to fill the gap left by OVAs. This is a niche that also includes the likes of Goblin Slayer and Redo of Healer. In contrast to those series' "big grimdark plot with a side of rape" approach, Reviewers is light-hearted fantasy sex comedy mixed with (if you live in China) a certain amount of actual porn, which fansubbers have kindly spliced back in to the censored release for us.

Agent Aika (AIKa), 1997-9

The panty shot is one of the more popular visual tropes in eromanga, to the point that Even a Monkey Can Draw Manga dedicates a whole two page spread to the history of the trope. (Surprisingly, I can't find any more substantial account in Kimi Rito's History of Hentai Manga).

You'll see it often enough in anime, overtly or subtly, and certainly in the early works of Katsuhiko Nishijima, who debuted in 1986 with Project A-ko, a classic Kanada-inflected OVA that still bears signs of its hentai roots. But there is nothing that takes the panty shot to the same extreme as Agent Aika (1997). The degree to which the camera in this action anime contrives to show panties at a machinegun rate... it crosses over into a level where it feels less like outright fetish material and more like experimental art.

This is a series that is only coherent through the erotic focus. And yet, it's not generally categorised as porn. Nobody actually fucks. Lines are very arbitrary...

Comical Psychosomatic Medicine (アニメで分かる心療内科), 2015

This ONA adapts a gag manga series themed around the idea of an education series on fetishes, paraphilias, and so on - not so different in concept from Peepoodoo and the Super Fuck Friends, from the sound of it! The ONA is produced by Shin-Ei Animation, a venerable studio known for beloved characters like Doraemon; it's a bunch of five minute bite-sized chunks which I plan to sprinkle in between the other stuff we watch as a palate cleanser.

Parade Parade (パレードパレード), 1996

Having warmed you up sufficiently, this is the point in the evening where we pull out the futa porn.

Parade Parade is an OVA by the studio Pink Pineapple, one of the giants of the 90s erotic OVA scene - I wrote about them a bit last time. It's a relatively "tasteful" example of the futanari (二形) trope, literally 'two forms', referring to basically a character with a mostly cis woman-typical body except for a penis (generally in addition to a vulva), which she will typically use in penetrative sex. This is typically represented as either the result of magic, an intersex condition, or just a fantasy world where it's not unusual.

Depending on your subcultural corner, this might be further distinguished from other niche variants of dickgirl (e.g. a futa must have both sets of genitals).

In anime and manga, the futa trope apparently traces back to the introduction of American trans porn magazines to Japan, inspiring mangaka such as Kitamimaki Kei to start drawing futanari characters. Futanari manga first spread through dōjinshi in the 80s, and became popular in eromanga in the 90s, before circling back to the West. So actually yeah I guess this one is on us trans girls! I always assumed it was like, an independent invention. The more you know...

Here we have succesful idol Kaori, who's secretly intersex - and only her girlfriend Yuko knows. She's very careful to let nobody know, for the sake of her career, but a rival lesbian idol is about to find out...

Golden Boy (1995-6)

Now here is a true classic.

Golden Boy is a comedy series about a wanderer named Kintaro, who dropped out of uni to travel around Japan getting into sexual escapades. Each episode, he runs into someone and hopefully falls for them while coming across as an idiot pervert, but gradually reveals that he's actually a decent and resourceful guy - and yet, having found love, there will always be a reason he must move on. A setup to hang all sorts of plots, carried by some honestly unreasonably impressive animation from the realist school, most notably Mitsuo Iso. It's just... very very well done.

The above clip did the rounds on here a while ago (I think maybe the dubbed version), and we will indeed be watching episode 4 to put that in context.

Queen's Blade (2009)

So this is a studio ARMS OVA - the guys who did stuff like Mezzo Forte with Yasuomi Umetsu - a fantasy story about a warrior tournament. But for our purposes it's standing in for the 巨乳 kyonyuu subgenre - meaning 'huge boobs'. So if you wanna do the meme in Japanese, that's the word you need.

This has a rather specific history in eromanga, recounted by Kimi Rito in The History of Hentai Manga. Per Rito, the popularity of the term dates back specifically to 1989, where it was used to promote porn star Kimiko Matsuzaka, as well as Western gravure porn magazines. Gradually displacing other terms like 'D-cup', the onomatopoeic ボイン boin and portmanteau デカパイdekapai, kyonyuu soon became cemented as the term for a type of character design. It grew in popularity in the space opened up by the bishōjo genre established by the lolicon boom.

So under the pen of mangaka like Kei Keitamimaki (him again!), designs with massively exaggerated boobs became very popular, defining a subgenre of their own. Artists would sometimes express anxiety over whether they would be 'allowed' to draw such extreme designs, but it became widespread in seinen magazines. Gradually, these genre boundaries dissolved and boob size started to become a symbol of characterisation.

Queen's Blade is a fairly longrunning series but as far as I understand, it's broadly a silly ecchi anime about women with very large boobs fighting to become queen. It's not the most comical example of this trope necessarily (nothing can really beat High School of the Dead's supersonic bullet dodging tits) but it's pretty up there.

Colorful, 1999

Colorful is a comedy series of brief (~7 minute) skits about boys trying to see panties and suffering many consequences. As a late 90s anime it's got some interesting stylstic Y2K stuff - look at that rotoscope clip! - as well as strong animation from people like Norio Matsumoto of Naruto fame.

So!

Mogs's encylopedic knowledge of weird obscure horny anime once again coming to the rescue: I'm fascinated to see where this night will take us. And whether I'll still have a Twitch account tomorrow.

I realise this is a much later start than we'd like with such a big programme, but I hope you will come join me for some weirdly educational sexy animation! Dip in and out or stay for the whole programme, the choice is yours - see you at twitch.tv/canmom, going live now, programme starts in about 30 minutes at 22:30 UK time!

Animation Night 169 is gonna be a little postponed - we'll be going at 7pm UK time on Tuesday (29 August) at twitch.tv/canmom! Hope to see you there! I will try to write a little more interesting info as we lead up to that~

[carinalastimosa]

Man, oh man, oh Manny!

Star Wars’ The Acolyte may have been review bombed but it opened y’alls eyes up to the man, Manny Jacinto. The Filipino-Canadian actor made waves as The Stranger/Qimir. Now, if you haven’t seen the show, I won’t spoil it for you but I am sure by this point, you’ve seen some sort of meme/TikTok/post/text from your nanay, featuring the sexually charged (okay, Disney!!!) scenes between Amanda Stenberg’s Osha and Jacinto. In honor of The Acolyte’s finale, which aired last night on Disney+, here is a list of some of the other Asian men I’ve loved over the years on the big and small screen.

Paolo Montalban - The Definitive Prince Charming

One of my favorite movies, to this day, is the 1997 Whitney Houston produced television movie Cinderella. Even my top 4 on letterboxd proves this. It’s one of my first memories consuming pop culture because of the diversity in casting. Houston saw that this story didn’t have to follow traditional casting norms. You can have a Filipino prince and his parents be a white man and a black woman with no one questioning it! Since I saw this at the young age of 7, I thought this was the norm, when in fact, it was the opposite. It’d be one of those rare moments where my parents would ask, “Filipino?” because they weren’t and still aren’t used to seeing Filipinos on screen. Paolo Montalban as Prince Charming is honestly, charming! He brings an earnestness to the role and has genuine chemistry with the luminous Brandy as the titular Cinderella. Their chemistry was so strong, that they’ve even reprised their roles in the recently released Disney+ movie Descendants: The Rise of Red.

Tuxedo Mask - My First (Animated) Crush

That’s right! We all have one. And my animated crush was Tuxedo Mask from the Sailor Moon series. I mean, who could resist! The mask, so mysterious! The black, so tuxedo!

Dante Basco - Rufioooooooo!

The beauty of film is that it is forever. Which means, that for generations of kids to come, they have the exuberance of Dante Basco captured on screen as Rufio in Steven Spielberg’s Hook. I was one of those kids when I was first introduced to the film in the last 90’s. At first, it didn’t even register to me that Basco is also Filipino-American and I think that’s the beauty of Basco’s performance. He’s just one of the boys, the lost boys. While Basco’s career moved more towards voice over, he made his indelible mark as Zuko in Nickelodeon’s animated Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Charles Melton - This Man is a Movie Star

My first introduction to Charles Milton didn’t come through the hit CW series Riverdale. It was after my time. I’m of the Gossip Girl generation, xoxo. I started to hear about the Korean-American actor as the scene stealer in the hotly anticipated Natalie Portman-Julianne Moore headliner May December. And he didn’t disappoint. Melton completely transforms into a man forced into very adult circumstances, still trying to navigate his adolescence. It’s a deeply felt performance filled with longing. He should have been nominated for an Oscar. During the campaign trail, he exuded glamour with his style, affable charm during his interviews, and pride in his heritage in acceptance speeches. Proving why he should be Hollywood’s new leading man.

Lee Jung-jae - Quit Playing (Squid) Games with my Heart

Netflix probably didn’t realize they had a mega international hit on their hands when they dropped their all Korean language tv series Squid Game on their streaming platform. Studio execs will say a foreign language show will alienate audiences, that there aren’t enough bankable Asian stars even when shows like this and FX’s Shogun have proven otherwise. Squid Game made several stars out of the series, including model turned actor Jung Ho-yeon but Korea was already hot on Lee, already a well established star there, we were just playing catch up. It didn’t take long. Lee won numerous awards for his performance and he easily won my style heart. What an elegant, sexy ass man! Needless to say, I’m very grateful to his Gucci campaign.

Dev Patel - The Man

The Indian-British actor/producer/director has had an already varied and expansive career spanning nearly 2 decades, doing so with just 26 acting credits to his IMDb. Which tells me the industry is simply not using this man enough!

Henry Golding - Crazy Handsome Asian

To me, one of the most magical things a film can pull off is perfect casting. It’s a magic trick if they cast a virtual unknown, dazzling the audience, wondering how they did it. That’s how I felt with the casting of Malaysian-British tv correspondent Henry Golding in the film Crazy Rich Asians. A lot was already riding on this movie adaptation: a big budget, romantic comedy, starring an all Asian cast. It had to do well. Or else studio execs had the “proof” they needed to no longer back Asian-led films. Casting Golding as their leading man could have been a risk but with their heroine Constance Wu and Oscar-worthy supporting performance from Michelle Yeoh, the movie was in good hands. Golding holds his own in his first feature film outing. Effortless and magnetic. Buzzy roles quickly followed in Paul Feig’s A Simple Favor and G.I. Joe franchise Snake Eyes. He’s also taken on more dramatic roles in smaller films, further pushing his acting ability. He continues to develop his craft, further cementing why we fell in love with him in the first place.

Manny Jacinto - The Inspo of this Blog

Everybody say, "Salamat, Manny"! He deserves all the roles. No more getting cut from films! In The Good Place, he played the classic himbo, which could have easily pigeonholded into similar roles but he's shown his versatility in shows like Nine Perfect Strangers where he held his own with, my favorite actress, Nicole Kidman. The Acolyte is another facet he's getting to show us and I hope this momentum carries him to the big screen. I'm rooting for this manny, talaga.

[topperscumslut]

Let’s Talk About Jay Kelso

Warning: spoilers for That 90s Show

So I just binged T90S, and I’m not really sure how to feel, particularly about Jay. On one hand, I did really like his character, but not as much as I thought I would. And part of me thinks that’s my own fault for creating this idea in my mind of exactly what I thought he would be like without the show even being out yet, but part of me feels justified in my disappointment in the way his character was written and I’m wondering if anyone else agrees with me on this.

Jay started out really strong, he was flirty and charismatic, yet cheesy and respectful. The first two episodes have kind of blurred together at this point since I pulled an all nighter to watch this and I’m coming down from my caffeine high, but I saw a lot of potential for his character that I really didn’t see fulfilled in the rest of the series. Let me preface this by saying that I do not blame Mace Coronel, who plays Jay, AT ALL for this. I adore Mace and believe he’s beyond talented and did the best he could with what he was given. I blame it on lazy writing. As much as I love both T70S and T90S, a lot of the writing REALLY pisses me off (especially the treatment of Jackie in both shows, but that’s a topic for another time).

In my opinion, Jay peaked in episode three and it was all kind of downhill from there. Again, I still enjoyed his character, but it wasn’t what I expected or wanted from him. And maybe I am just projecting and set unreasonable expectations for his character, but I have a strong feeling the fandom will agree with me on this. Ep3 Jay really felt like the fanon Jay that I had imagined in my mind and had seen in posts from other users on here. He was still a charismatic flirt, but he was also slightly awkward, incredibly sweet, and a little dorky like I had imagined him. Between what I’d seen in trailers, official character descriptions, other tumblr users’ fan theories, and my own imagination, I imagined Jay having the charm of Kelso but much more depth. I saw him as being a bit of a nerd who loves girls but, unlike his father, isn’t a womanizer and genuinely respects them. I imagined him as very introspective, poetic, and intelligent, which I didn’t really see much of at all after episode three. Kelso himself even says in the pilot that Jay has his good looks and Jackie’s brains. And Jackie was always truly intelligent, even though she usually wasn’t treated that way. He was also described as always having a camera with him and constantly taking videos and photos of his friends which, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think we saw that even once in this season. In my mind, Jay Kelso was a goofy film geek who’s popular with the ladies due to his good looks and charisma, but in a much more unconventional way than his father is. But as the series progressed, I felt like he became more and more like Kelso. Which sucks because I despise Kelso with a passion.

Let’s talk about what I liked about Jay in episode three. When Leia tries to get Jay to kiss her, he turns her down because he doesn’t want her to be a meaningless fling and because he can tell this isn’t really what she wants. So I was like okay, consent king, respecting women, we love to see it. I also fully expected Jay to be a virgin for a couple reasons. First of all, in the original series, all of the core cast (except maybe Hyde) were virgins at the beginning of the series, EVEN KELSO, and besides Jackie, they were all older than the T90S crew at 17/18, whereas the next gen of Point Place kids are all 14-16, maybe some of them 17. But in T90S it’s heavily implied that the whole gang beside Leia (and possibly Ozzie, since his boyfriend lives in Canada) have all lost their virginity. Secondly, it would be such a plot twist. A Kelso being a virgin? Unspeakable! I fully expected this grand reveal of Jay saying he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes of his father and that he’s waiting for the right person, someone he’s truly in love with, and that person being Leia (though I am glad that Jay and Leia didn’t have sex for multiple reasons. The age of the characters, their lack of chemistry, and the age difference between the actors, to name a few). I was also genuinely surprised at Jay’s lack of daddy issues. All the posts with spoilers from before the show was out from people who had seen tapings suggested Kelso being an absent father who doesn’t really love or care for Jay, which led me to believe Jay would want to be as little like his father as possible, but there was literally nothing about that in the show. Also, a bit off topic, but can we talk about how awful the circumstances of Jay and Leia getting together were? Sure they developed genuine feelings for each other eventually, but it literally starts with Leia being like “hey, I want my first kiss, and my only option’s Jay. Eh, might as well, better than nothing.”

All of these hopes were crushed in episode four when we find out that not only has Jay had sex, which okay, fine, whatever, but he’s also a player who’s broken multiple girls hearts, and it’s implied that he does this on purpose. So basically Kelso 2.0. Cool. While I do have critiques for the other episodes, I did genuinely enjoy them, whereas I absolutely despise episode four to the point where I hardly even consider it canon. Between the horrible light it painted Jay in and the insensitive and disgusting Menendez brothers joke that made me actually pause the show for a good ten minutes to process it and almost give up on the show completely, episode four was horrendous. When Nikki suggests that Jay has feelings for Leia and actually sees her as a person and not just a sex object, Jay seems genuinely surprised at best, if not disgusted. While him telling Leia in the previous episode that he doesn’t want her to be a meaningless hookup implied that he treated all women with this level of respect, this seems to flip the script to say that he sees only Leia this way, because she’s “different.” Why, because she’s the main character, because she’s a “pure” nerdy virgin, because she’s “not like other girls?” Why is Leia put on a pedestal and treated like she deserves better than other girls whereas the rest aren’t worthy of basic respect? (If this sounds familiar, it’s because this is exactly how Donna was treated in the original series as opposed to every single other girl on the show, particularly Jackie.) Because Leia is “special” she “deserves” to be treated with basic human decency, unlike “other girls,” because fuck them, right? At the rave, we see what could have been a cute moment where Leia and Jay confess their feelings for each other, but instead, Jay takes advantage of her vulnerability and arrogantly declares that he “knew it” when Leia admits her feelings rather than telling her he feels the same way. However it’s hard to hold all of this against Jay considering how out of character this seems for him. Episodes 1-3 paint him as kind and empathetic, whereas episodes 5-10 continue that sort of personality for him, but also turn him into a one note love interest that doesn’t have much else to his character. Episode four Jay literally feels like an entirely different character than the rest of the series.

In either episode four or five, forgive me for not remembering, we meet Serena, who could essentially be replaced with a piece of cardboard and nothing would change. Serena literally only exists to be “the other woman” getting in the way of Jay and Leia’s relationship. While Leia, thankfully, isn’t unkind to her just because she’s with Jay, the writers are. Unlike Leia, apparently Serena doesn’t deserve a happy ending, a good boyfriend, or a shred of respect. She’s older, she dresses in a more conventionally attractive way, and her personality is nonexistent. It’s unclear if Jay *technically* cheated on Serena; while Leia calls her Jay’s girlfriend, it’s important to take into account that Leia is an unreliable narrator and it’s entirely possible that Jay and Serena were just casually going out and not official (especially considering they were just going on their first date a day or two before Leia’s birthday), but it’s also a very real possibility that Jay did cheat on her when he kisses Leia on her birthday. Regardless of if they were official or not, it’s pretty shitty that Jay entirely casts her aside as soon as Leia shows interest. Serena who, right? No seriously, that’s literally what he says. If the roles were reversed and it was Leia he did this to, Jay would be seen as a total asshole, but since it’s Serena, we’re not supposed to care. For my swifties out there, Leia is Betty, Jay is James, and Serena is Augustine - just a “summer thing.” So not only is Jay a “player” and a “man whore” as he’s called by his own friend group, he’s also likely a cheater. Sure, he’s Kelso’s son, but that doesn’t mean he has to be a carbon copy. It’s like the writers copy and pasted Kelso into the 90s, edited a few things, and said “yeah, that’s good enough, no one will be able to tell.”

While this may sound like I hate Jay, I really don’t. In fact, he’s still probably my favorite character in the reboot, although I’m probably a bit biased due to my affections for him from before the show came out (and my eight year long crush on Mace Coronel, but that’s irrelevant.) Jay does prove himself throughout the rest of the season, showing that he does care about Leia and exhibiting empathy his father could never muster, but he still doesn’t feel like his own character. While Kelso habitually cheats on Jackie and then blames her for it, admits to using her for sex and money while she’s 15 and he’s 18, and hounds her into sex until she eventually gives in and says yes so he’ll leave her alone (ie: rape), Jay is genuinely kindhearted and would never do those sorts of things (or at least I hope he wouldn’t, but it wouldn’t shock me if the writers decide to ruin his character in later seasons.) Like Red says when Kitty points out that Jay is better than Michael, the bar isn’t all that high. However, Jay does prove himself to be a good boyfriend who genuinely cares about Leia (I don’t use the word love since their relationship developed so quickly and they’re so young, so it’s unlikely that it’s real love, despite the fact that they believe it is). He exhibits true selflessness throughout the series and continually puts himself in the line of fire (usually from Red) to protect Leia.

Nevertheless, good person or not, Jay doesn’t feel original. He seems to exist only to be Leia’s love interest boy toy. Jay lacks the soul I imagined him to have before watching the show. While it’s nice to see the female characters fleshed out for once, as was very lacking on T70S, the male characters lack dimension in comparison. Leia, Gwen, and Nikki, all have their own personalities, values, and ambitions, whereas Ozzie tends to be the sassy token gay friend (although let’s bffr, none of these new kids are straight, but the writers don’t want to admit it), Jay not only feels like Kelso Lite ™, but as the series progresses, him and Nate seem to morph into basically the same person. Two well intended, yet dumb horndogs who lack depth or any true personality of their own beyond being love interests for their girlfriends and comic relief. Again, I love, love, LOVE Mace Coronel, and have since seeing him on Nicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn on Nickelodeon, and don’t blame him at all for the way his character is written. Now if you follow my blog, you probably already know that I absolutely adore not only Mace, but also his NRDD costar Aidan Gallagher, who I fell for after seeing him in The Umbrella Academy. However, Mace was the one I had a crush on as a child and it was very exciting to rediscover him when I first found out about T90S. While Aidan’s NRDD character Nicky Harper and TUA character Five Hargreeves share the same cunning spirit, they’re extremely different in most ways and I was incredibly excited to see Mace show this same sort of range on T90S. And I do believe that Mace has that range, but he unfortunately seems to be being typecast, considering Jay basically feels like teenage Dicky Harper in the 90s. Maybe I’m being overdramatic, but I was really hoping for more for Jay’s character and I was slightly disappointed, and I hope he gets fleshed out more and more deeply explored in later seasons.

Thanks for reading my long ass rant lmao. TLDR; I love Jay Kelso (and Mace Coronel) but hate how he was portrayed. Justice for Jay (oh, and for Serena)

Tagging my favorite T70S/T90S blogs for engagement: @thestupidhelmet @lily-267 @thatseventiesbitch @einsteinsugly @that90sshowgoldencouple

[grigori77]

Movies of 2024 - My Summer Rundown (Part 2)

10.  BOY KILLS WORLD – Turns out this was a really GREAT SUMMER for action cinema, and the first genre entry here is EXACTLY what you’d expect from the true master of anarchic movie mayhem, Sam Raimi, here producing the feature debut of ambitious young German visual effects artist-turned writer-director Moritz Mohr.  The newcomer’s crazy PERFECTLY compliments our veteran’s crazy, because this is like if The Raid movies had been made by Don Coscarelli (see John Dies At the End for reference) – basically a geeky love letter to classic 90s 16-bit beat-‘em-up video games, it follows the bizarre misadventures of Bill Skarsgard’s “the Boy”, a traumatised deaf-mute orphan raised and trained to become a lethal living weapon by a mysterious (and genuinely WEIRD) jungle shaman (The Raid’s own Yayan Ruhian) in order to avenge his family’s brutal murder at the hands of the Van Der Kroys, the bloodthirsty organised crime family holding their dystopian city under a cruel thumb of violent oppression.  The film has been described as a “fever dream”, and honestly that’s a pretty accurate assessment – this is a COMPLETELY FUCKING MENTAL film, frequently spiralling off on surreal flights of fancy as its already pretty bonkers plot starts to unravel in truly WEIRD directions, but thankfully this adds to the unique charm a lot more than it ever threatens to alienate the viewer, sticking to JUST the right side of satirical parody while delivering a consistently winning line of jet black comedy.  Besides, the MAIN attraction here is EXACTLY what most viewers come to this kind of film for, and Mohr EASILY delivers in this venue – the action sequences are INCREDIBLE, flawlessly executed even as they frequently become as downright INSANE as every other aspect of the film, and without pulling ANY punches to deliver some of the year’s most gratuitously GRAPHIC blood-and-guts.  Skarsgard is, like always, thoroughly BRILLIANT throughout, effortlessly proving what an incredibly expressive physical actor he can be since he never speaks a word throughout the entire film … but that doesn’t mean the Boy doesn’t get his point across just fine, the film delivering a pretty ingenious conceit by having him speak to us through his “inner monologue”, using the announcer voice from his favourite arcade game when he was a child (voice actor extraordinaire H. Jon Benjamin, star of Archer, Bob’s Burgers and Dr Katz, Professional Therapist).  Then there’s the top-notch supporting cast, featuring the likes of Michelle Dockery, Stranger Things’ Brett Gelman, Sharlto Copley and Famke Jansen as the uniformly despicable Van Der Kroys, Jessica Rothe (Happy Death Day and its sequel) as their lethal enforcer June 27, and Andrew Koji (Warrior, Snake Eyes, Bullet Train) as Basho, the affable oddball resistance fighter the Boy befriends and enlists into his crusade along with Benny (the Old Spice Man himself, Isaiah Mustafa), a mighty warrior with a thick beard and moustache who provides some of the film’s biggest belly-laughs (for reasons it’s best for you to find out for yourselves, trust me).  Relentlessly ridiculous, unflinchingly messy and frequently laugh-out-loud hilarious, this is definitely one of the year’s most unapologetically ODD films, but also definitely one of the most FUN too, as well as a spectacular showcase for the talents of a VERY fresh new filmmaking talent who is doubtless destined for great things in the future.  Just be forewarned, it definitely AIN’T one for the faint-of-heart or weak-of-stomach …

9.  THE MINISTRY OF UNGENTLEMANLY WARFARE – Once again Hollywood is making it ABUNDANTLY clear they just DON’T LIKE Guy Ritchie any more, and I have NO IDEA WHY … despite 2020’s The Gentleman becoming a modest box office hit and signifying what many considered a triumphant return to form for the man who brought us the likes of Snatch, RocknRolla and the Sherlock Holmes movies (although personally I never thought he actually really fell off, despite what Swept Away and Aladdin might have made us think), his subsequent releases all got largely BURIED online – granted, some of it was down to COVID, but even after everything started to get back to normal the inexplicably disrespectful treatment continued, with Wrath of Man and The Covenant, both impressively well-executed and evocative cinematic features in their own rights, getting released straight to streaming with frustratingly little fanfare to drum up the attention they clearly deserved.  At least this one made it into theatres, but with a lacklustre advertising campaign and stiff competition from much more high profile fare it sank like a stone, almost like Lionsgate didn’t even WANT IT to succeed.  Even worse, for some unbelievably stupid reason it didn’t even RELEASE

in the UK, meaning I had to wait until it subsequently hit Amazon for me to finally get to check it out.  The most frustrating part, though, is that the critics CLEARLY feel the same as I do about the film we actually received – this is a TOP DRAWER piece of work, further proof that Ritchie never actually LOST a step, another genuine belter of a flick which takes a brilliant premise and crafts an offbeat and deliciously entertaining cinematic caper than really deserved to be seen by a really big audience on a proper big screen.  Taken from Winston Churchill’s declassified WWII files, it follows the true life exploits of special forces commando Gus March-Phillips (Henry Cavill) as he put together a covert team in order to execute a highly classified raid on a German U-boat outfitting operation in the hopes of crippling the subs long enough to help bring the Americans into the War.  The only problem?  March-Phillips was a disgraced loose-cannon, a fiercely independent troublemaker with a reputation for going off-mission and a major dislike of authority figures … he was also the original inspiration for James Bond, then mid-ranking SOE-officer Ian Fleming using him as the basis for the mercurial protagonist of his best-selling spy novels (and the rest, of course, is history).  Needless to say, it looks like this will be the closest Cavill’s ever gonna get to actually playing Bond, and he really sank his teeth into this opportunity, clearly having the time of his life investing the character with his trademark twinkle and roguish charm (as well as an amusing appreciation for fine men’s fashions); he’s the ironclad backbone of the film, driving the action and story with typical aplomb, and is ably supported by a winningly motley collection of misanthropes, the gang of miscreants March-Phillips put together to execute Operation Postmaster brought to life in pitch-perfect performances from Alan Ritchson (Reacher), Alex Pettyfer, Eiza Gonzalez, Henry Golding and more, while there’s an enjoyably NASTY turn from Inglourious Basterds’ Til Schweiger as the film’s dastardly big bad, SS Commandant Heinrich Luhr, and Ritchie regular Cary Elwes brings his classic stiff-upper-lip to bear as the operation’s top CO, Brigadier Colin Gubbins, while an all-but-unrecognisable Rory Kinnear portrays a suitably gruff Winston Churchill.  Ultimately, Ritchie delivers an enjoyably fiendish heist movie masquerading as a war flick, the plot snaking with crafty glee through a series of expertly executed set-pieces and ingenious little twists before finally landing a brilliantly cathartic climax which pays winning respect to the real life heroes that inspired the film, along with one of the greatest espionage thriller franchises OF ALL TIME.  That alone should have won this movie some respect, at least enough to raise its profile, and it’s a criminal shame it’s been treated with SUCH glaring disrespect.  Here’s hoping it earns the cult classic status it deserves, that might redress SOME of the balance …

8.  THE FALL GUY – Stuntman-turned-director David Leitch’s latest film (following on from well-deserved previous successes co-helming the first John Wick film before striking out on his own with Atomic Blonde, Deadpool 2, Hobbs & Shaw and Bullet Train) is not only a genuinely EXTRAORDINARY big screen adaptation of one of the classic old school action adventure TV shows I grew up watching (alongside Knight Rider, The A-Team and Airwolf), but also raises one of the great unanswered questions of cinema – why isn’t there an Academy Award for stunts?  Anyway … turns out that Ken, in last-year’s runaway hit Barbie, wasn’t the only role that Ryan Gosling was born to play – he’s equally perfect for the role of Colt Seavers, the seasoned “unsung hero” who makes all those action hero movie stars look so awesome, at least until an on-set accident left him with a near career-ending back injury which forced him into semi-retirement.  He’s brought back into the game, however, when the action movie star he used to double for, Tom Ryder (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), disappears midway through the production of the debut directorial feature of his former lover, camera-operator Jody Moreno (Emily Blunt).  On paper he’s here to fill in for Ryder, but he’s really been brought in to find the missing star before the studio gets wise and shuts down production, but as he delves into what turns out to be a pretty tangled mystery it becomes clear that Colt might not really be the right man for the job … unfortunately he’s all they got … Gosling may be a master of understated performance, but as I’ve learned over the years (particularly from the criminally underappreciated The Nice Guys) he’s ALSO a master of comedic acting, and he’s really firing on all cylinders for this one, frequently damn near stealing the show from a high class cast who are nonetheless all equal to the task.  Blunt is, as always, as flawlessly charming as she is STUNNINGLY beautiful, while Taylor-Johnson is clearly really enjoying playing a supreme douchebag of a preening self-promoting prima donna, Ted Lasso’s Hannah Waddington frequently walks off with her scenes as supremely oily producer Gail Meyer, and Everything Everywhere All At Once’s Stephanie Hsu and the great Winston Duke both hold their own admirably as Ryder’s put-upon personal assistant Alma and Colt’s long-suffering best friend, stunt coordinator Dan Tucker.  Needless to say, Leitch has long since proven that he is a MASTER of on-screen mayhem, effortlessly ushering in some of the very best action sequences we’re going to see in the cinema this year, but he also once again proves he’s ALSO a master of big screen comedy, bringing the pitch perfect screenplay from Drew Pearce (who previously wrote Hobbs & Shaw, as well as Iron Man 3 and his own directorial debut Hotel Artemis) to effervescent primary-coloured life as a gleefully anarchic and thoroughly irreverent celebration of action cinema excess and the gruelling hard work that it takes to actually make it all possible, all done with barely ANY digital trickery at all.  All round, then, this was some of the most fun I’ve had at the cinema this year (so far), and once again, it really does raise that all-time great question – why isn’t there an Oscar for stunt work?  Gods know this one would definitely have been a shoe-in next Awards season …

7.  MARS EXPRESS – My animated feature of the summer is a pretty singular work which came out of leftfield and really took me by surprise, a science fiction murder mystery thriller of rare vision, inventiveness and beauty which is tempered with a fascinating and more than a little troubling thematic message which raises far more questions than it answers.  Marking the feature debut of French writer-director Jeremie Perin (Crisis Jung, Lastman), it chronicles the investigation of two very unusual private investigators – world weary former soldiers Aline Ruby (Lea Drucker of Fox’s War of the Worlds TV series) and Carlos Rivera (The Crimson Rivers’ Daniel Njo Lobe), the latter of whom is now a kind of simulant android whose recorded consciousness was uploaded into an robotic body after he was killed in action – on a colonised Mars as they hunt for the cause of a supposedly harmless robot’s sudden malfunction and subsequent violent rampage.  As they tumble deeper down an alarmingly perilous rabbit hole, they uncover a terrifying clandestine conspiracy involving corporate malfeasance which may include their sometimes employer, tech billionaire Chris Royjacker (the great Mathieu Almaric), rogue AI and a looming technological revolution which could spell disaster for the Red Planet … this is a genuinely INTRIGUING film, Perin and co-writer Laurent Sarfati (who previously worked with him on Lastman) weaving a seductively labyrinthine detective story which works magnificently well as an ingenious sci-fi take on the classic Noir formula, but also delivers an equally fascinating Philip K. Dick-esque treatise on the potential dangers of the unchecked development of artificial intelligence and far more fundamentally challenging questions about what it really means to be alive, and to be human.  It’s also genuinely THRILLING, propelling the story at a furious pace generously peppered with a string of intensely full-blooded action sequences, as well as a genuinely GORGEOUS work of animated art, the exquisite mixture of 2D and digital animation (looking like a slicker version of Titmouse’s work on Scavengers Reign) rivalling some of the best anime I’ve seen but nonetheless somehow carrying a conspicuously FRENCH vibe.  Altogether this is a magnificent achievement for an up-and-coming filmmaking talent whose work I will DEFINITELY be keeping an eye out for the future, as well as a BREATHTAKING masterpiece of this cinematic artform.  I highly recommend hunting it down.

6.  TWISTERS – Back in 1996, Jan de Bont’s man-against-nature action thriller Twister turned out to be one of the most undeniably enjoyable summer blockbusters of the 90s, and it’s one of those rare CGI-heavy features from the fledgling digital days that STILL holds up impressively well today.  It also DEFINITELY worked perfectly well on its own merits, with no need for a sequel and CERTAINLY not a remake … so when it was announced that there was going to be one after all, like many I was suitably dubious.  I mean the story was told perfectly well in the original, there’s nothing new that could really be said in a follow-up, right?  Turns out there actually IS, though, and I’m pleased to report that Minari director Lee Isaac Chung’s new film lives up to its predecessor in fine style, thanks in no small part to him and screenwriter Mark L Smith (The Revenant, Overlord and The Midnight Sky) clearly taking the lessons of the 1996 film very much to heart and bringing us a fresh serving of everything that worked so well last time round while carving impressive fresh ground for a genuinely rewarding original story moving forward.  That being said, the greatest strength of the original wasn’t the effects anyway – it was the wonderfully well-rounded, fully-realised characters we followed into the film’s myriad dangers, and this one definitely pulls off the same feat, introducing a new generation of tornado chasers out to pioneer new scientific tech and hopefully save the lives of people living in the strife-torn environs of America’s Tornado Alley.  Glen Powell (hot off major career-making turns in Top Gun: Maverick and Hit Man) may be the heavyweight star power in this particular cast, and he’s definitely great, scene-stealing fun as Tyler Owens, the self-proclaimed “Tornado Wrangler” of YouTube, but the true heart of the film is Daisy Edgar-Jones (Fresh, Where the Crawdads Sing, Normal People) as meteorologist Kate Carter, who’s looking for redemption for past mistakes which led to the deaths of most of her old storm-chasing team, while Anthony Ramos (Hamilton and In the Heights) is certainly the soul as Javi, Kate’s former colleague who’s looking to help her realise her goal through his new tech venture Storm Par; there’s also hefty support from the likes of Brandon Perea (Nope), Sasha Lane (American Honey, Daniel Isn’t Real), David Corenswet (soon to be the new Superman in James Gunn’s DCU reboot) and even my girl Katy O’Brian (Love Lies Bleeding, Z Nation, The Mandalorian)!  They’re all just as fleshed out as Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt’s crew were back in the day, a compelling collection of lovable misfits we’re happy to go on this crazy death-defying adventure with, which of course does SO MUCH of the heavy lifting with regards to the tension-building because we get so deeply invested in them all.  That being said, the film definitely doesn’t scrimp on spectacle, the visual effects work having improved SIGNIFICANTLY on what was already impressively high quality work back in ’96, leading to some truly TERRIFYING set-pieces that would definitely surprise anyone who only knows Chung for his critically acclaimed and award-winning dramatic work (but less for anyone familiar with his work on The Mandalorian), which means I am VERY curious to see what he’ll deliver this Christmas on the highly anticipated Star Wars-based Skeleton Crew TV series.  This is a far cry from just pure by-the-numbers summer blockbuster fare, then, a heavyweight event pic with a surprising amount of substance and a hefty dose of proper FEELS to go with all that adrenaline and eye candy, and it’s MORE THAN worthy successor to an already rightly beloved classic.

5.  FURIOSA – 2015’s Mad Max: Fury Road was not only one of the greatest films of the last decade, but was also the undeniable MASTERPIECE of director George Miller’s career, even managing to (almost) eclipse his classic FIRST sequel, The Road Warrior.  It was a triumph of visual storytelling, two hours of furious all-action mayhem with barely any digital trickery in evidence, and brought us one of the greatest female protagonists of all time in the irrepressible warrior woman who managed to overshadow Max Rockatansky himself – Imperator Furiosa, perfectly brought to life by an ON FIRE Charlize Theron.  It was, quite simply, A PERFECT FILM.  So did it really NEED a prequel, chronicling the story of what led such a badass lady to undertake the gruelling crusade of that most exceptional of cinematic extravaganzas?  Honestly?  Not really.  But does that matter?  No, not at all.  As soon as Miller started touting this as a project those of us who flipped out SO HARD over Fury Road IMMEDIATELY started frothing at the mouth at the possibilities … it was just that the more pragmatic among us were also a little worried that he might not be able to capture lightning in a bottle all over again.  Well, we never should have doubted him, Miller was definitely equal to the task – Furiosa may not be QUITE as good as the film it chronologically precedes, but as an origin story it is MAGNIFICENT, a sprawling, gruelling, exhausting post-apocalyptic action epic that definitely does flawless justice to such an incredibly strong character.  I don’t want to give too much away plot-wise, it’s better to just jump in and ABSORB it all, suffice to say that this does indeed reveal how the child Furiosa was stolen from her seemingly idyllic life in an oasis in the middle of the radioactive Australian wasteland, dragged out into the middle of a brutally hostile desert filled with warfare, insanity and SERIOUSLY POWERFUL VEHICLES and forced to forge herself into an indomitable, merciless and uncompromising living weapon in order to survive, thrive and find her way back to her long lost Green Place.   Anya Taylor-Joy is a fine choice indeed for a more youthful Furiosa, subtly nuanced and filled with simmering intensity buried under a haughty mask of righteous untouchability,

but she doesn’t even TURN UP until the midway point of the film, the lion’s share of the work to establish her unbreakable character through her lost childhood ultimately going to The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart’s Ayla Browne (who previously performed for Miller on Three Thousand Years of Longing), and she is nothing less than a TOTAL FUCKING REVELATION in the role.  Chris Hemsworth frequently steals the film as the best villain the franchise has EVER HAD (and that says a lot in a series that includes Hugh Keys-Byrne’s Toecutter), self-aggrandising preening peacock Dementus, who gleefully tips from adorably camp to chillingly monstrous to pompously flamboyant at the drop of a hat, effortlessly holding court over the likes of Nathan Jones’ spectacularly ridiculous Rictus Erectus and Romper Stomper’s Lachy Hulme as a more youthful incarnation of his tyrannical father Immortan Joe, while The Musketeers’ Tom Burke is equal parts heroic and stoic as Praetorian Jack, the doughty War Rig commander who takes Furiosa on as his protégé, and model-turned actress Charlee Fraser (Anyone But You) rules over the opening scenes as her ferociously protective mother, Mary Jabassa.  Miller delivers in fine style on the action like always, the War Rig chase in particular sure to go down as the year’s most memorable action sequence, and once again there’s a pleasing reliance on physical stunt-work, practical sets and good old fashioned elbow grease over CGI throughout that does its predecessor proud.  That being said, this one is NOT a breakneck movie-long chase, its more leisurely, sometime quite introspective pace instead going a long way to let the story breathe and the peerless world-building develop, although there is still a characteristic relentlessness to the tale which means that, despite its two-and-a-half-hour runtime it never feels overlong or outstays its welcome.  Then again, it once again deploys Fury Road’s secret weapon – another throbbing, propulsively atmospheric score from Tom Holkenborg – to create another very pleasurable ride through the irradiated hellscape of Miller’s Outback.  I for one would be very pleased to return to it someday …

4.  KINGDOM OF THE PLANET OF THE APES – Matt Reeves is a tough act to follow, even before The Batman he was already blowing us away with his star-making directorial breakthrough helming Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and its follow-up War For the Planet of the Apes.  The conclusion of that latter film put a very definitive exclamation point on the franchise as a whole, making ANY attempts to continue the saga a tough prospect indeed, and something that even a seasoned filmmaker might balk at.  But when I heard the proposed new trilogy, set hundreds of years after the events of War, would be directed by Wes Ball, I breathed a big sigh of relief – he did an INCREDIBLE job with the sci-fi trilogy adapting YA novelist James Dashner’s popular Maze Runner series, so I knew the saga was in very good hands indeed.  Having come up in visual effects, Ball’s always maintained a very strong balance between physical and digital filmmaking, so he was certainly up to the challenge of bringing a new generation of photorealistic, vitally ALIVE super-intelligent talking apes to the big screen, as well as putting his flesh-and-blood actors through their paces with similar skill and flair.  Most important, though, this film introduces a new lead protagonist who’s definitely got what it takes to succeed Andy Serkis’ mesmerizing Caesar in a new story, Owen Teague (It, I See You, Inherit the Viper, Black Mirror) thoroughly impressing in his first lead role as Noa, an uncertain young chimpanzee from an isolated tribal clan forced to grow up fast when his people are stolen in one terrifying night by masked ape raiders, leaving him to follow their trail with only intellectual orangutan Raka (The Orville’s Peter Macon) and an unusually smart “echo” (basically what humans have become since they lost their speech and intelligence) named Mae (The Witcher’s Freya Allan) to count as allies.  Macon is a thoroughly endearing presence throughout, while Allan delivers a fascinatingly complex performance that fuels many of the film’s most interesting twists (although I’m sure you can spot one or two coming ahead of time); and then there’s Kevin Durand, who’s clearly having a whale of a time getting his teeth into a rewardingly robust screen villain in the form of Proximus Caesar, an ambitious bonobo warlord who’s using a corrupted version of his namesake’s teachings to build a tyrannical empire of oppressed apes – he’s not quite as compelling an antagonist as Toby Kebbell’s Koba, but he serves most admirably indeed here.  Altogether, this film definitely had A LOT of heavy lifting to do to even APPROACH the heights of Reeves’ tenure on the franchise, and Ball and screenwriter Josh Friedman (War of the Wolds, Terminator: Dark Fate, Avatar: The Way of Water) have risen to the task in fine style, delivering a thrilling, affecting and inventive epic action adventure which skilfully builds on the framework provided by the previous trilogy while courageously forging ahead into the future, leaving room to venture forward into exciting further instalments.  Ultimately this isn’t QUITE as good as Dawn or even War, but with this the saga remains as rewarding, compelling and majestic as ever before, and I see great things indeed in its future.  I can’t wait for whatever comes next …

3.  A QUIET PLACE: DAY ONE – It’s interesting, most of the time when you get a really great movie that becomes a big hit and spawns a franchise, THE LAST THING it needs is a prequel, and oftentimes when it DOES happen it feels like a shoehorned mess or even a total disrespectful retcon (they can’t ALL be Furiosa, after all).  A Quiet Place was never one of those – right from the start it was clear that how it all began was going to be JUST as interesting as where the original story was going, a fact which was DEFINITELY reinforced when Part Two dropped that TERRIFYING flashback cold open.  So when this finally arrived I was FIRST in my local queue, raring to go and so unswervingly excited that anything less than amazing was liable to be a disappointment.  Thankfully it turned out to be EVERYTHING I was hoping for – this is a super trim 99 minutes of knuckle-whitening terror with a (by now, not really all that) surprising amount of emotional power packed in, one of those films that brings you to tears when it’s not scaring the living bejeezuz out of you, just like the first two.  Lupita Nyong’o is a breath of fresh air as our new lead protagonist, Samira, a world-weary young New Yorker who’s been beaten down by a life of tragedy and chronic pain from the very same kind of advanced cancer that killed her beloved father, only to find a reason to stay alive (at least for a few more days) when the sound-seeking murder-beasts crash-land in the middle of the loudest city in the world and instantly go apeshit from all the noise.  Stranger Things’ Joseph Quinn, meanwhile, puts us through the emotional wringer right from his entrance as Eric, a timid Brit law student whose anxiety is going THROUGH THE ROOF as this all goes off around him, forced to find inner reserves of courage he never knew he had after he latches onto Sam as she makes her way across the city in search of the last slice she’ll ever be able to get from her favourite Harlem pizzeria.  There are equally heartfelt turns from Alex Wolff (Hereditary, Jumanji, Pig) as Reuben, Sam’s put-upon hospice nurse, and Djimon Hounsou, showing how his character started his own apocalyptic struggle as Part Two’s Henri, but perhaps the biggest stars of this film are, unsurprisingly, Nico and Schnitzel, a pair of tuxedo cats who perfectly portrayed the role of Frodo, Sam’s service cat, who’s probably THE MOST CHILLED-OUT feline I have EVER SEEN in a movie, and definitely one of the cutest.  Ultimately this is an absolute TRIUMPH for its breakout writer-director, Michael Sarnoski, whose INSANELY impressive feature debut Pig already made him one to watch back in 2021, and he definitely did the original property justice while carving his own equally impressive path in the franchise.  The end result, then, is a welcome addition to an already INCREDIBLE horror movie series, and definitely a strong contender for the genre’s movie of the year.

2.  DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE – Damn … if ever there was a movie that I really can’t say much of ANYTHING about for fear of dropping spoilers, even if most of the fandom has already gone to see it … this is an IMPORTANT MOVIE, maybe the most important of the year, because the MCU has been on the rocks of late, despite Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 going a long way to setting its fortunes back on the right track (but then that one has very much been considered a BLIP, really), and this one looks to have SINGLEHANDEDLY knocked the whole mess back on the right track while simultaneously mercilessly ripping the piss out of the whole debacle.  No, I mean IT REALLY DOES, there isn’t A SINGLE STONE that the Merc With a Mouth leaves unturned in his quest for meta-fuelled irreverence here (except maybe that dead Celestial poking out of the Pacific that nobody seems to be talking about after Eternals … or maybe I missed a joke somewhere).  Anyway, this is EVERY BIT as good as James Gunn’s third and final feature for the franchise, as well as another SUPER-solid entry in what was already Fox’s now expired X-Verse’s most popular series, but most importantly it’s also an EXTREMELY successful bridging film between that and the flagging Marvel Cinematic Universe, the perfect way to bring Mutantkind into the franchise with the least amount of fuss.  That being said, the BIG attraction here is, of course, getting to see two of Marvel’s biggest heavyweights going head-to-head in one movie, and of course beating seven shades of shit out of each other while they’re at it.  If you will … yeah, if you haven’t seen it yet and don’t want to get spoiled, you really should jump off at this point and just GO SEE IT while they’re still milking it for every cent they can in theatres, safe in the knowledge that it’s a fucking AWESOME movie and you won’t be disappointed.  Now SHOO!!!  Be off with you … okay, still here?  Right, then, watch me try to be as spoiler-light as I can moving forward … as much as Wade Wilson and Logan may be the very EPITOME of chalk-and-cheese onscreen, behind the scenes Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman have got on like a house on fire for a while now, ever since the former started lovingly teasing the latter in the first Deadpool movie and started his long-running campaign to lure the original Marvel Movie superstar into a big screen team-up, so it comes as NO SURPRISE that they’re both clearly having the time of their lives working together now.  Their chemistry in this is OFF THE CHARTS, the pair trading razor sharp quips, dirty looks and well-deserved face-punches with gleeful abandon from their first scene together RIGHT to the end, while the incredibly strong screenplay from Reynolds, series regulars Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, Robot Chicken’s Zeb Wells and the film’s director Shawn Levy (who previously worked with Reynolds on Free Guy and The Adam Project, as well as Jackman on Real Steel) definitely gives them a really big Multiversal playground to let loose in, all while doing a really beautiful job of taking the baggage that the current condition of the MCU property’s left the franchise in and stuffing it all into what’s always been a much more stable if also far less RESPECTFUL cinematic sandbox.  There are easter eggs galore, both overt and a whole lot more subtle

throughout, especially during an extended sojourn into the Void (the TVA’s pruning dumping ground) which not only introduces a few fun new faces (including at least one X-Men franchise missed opportunity AS WELL as the VERY welcome return of my very favourite Marvel mutant of them all – so nice to see you back, Laura!  Sure hope you get to stick around for more) but also a bunch of fan favourites from across Fox’s Marvel pantheon, and as far as I’m concerned there ain’t a single bum note in the entire symphony here!  Certainly this is BY FAR the funniest Deadpool movie so far (which is saying something), but that’s not really surprising since Shawn Levy has consistently proven to be one of the VERY BEST cinematic comedy directors out there (especially with his consistently high quality Night At the Museum series), so this is just another day at the office for him, and he definitely delivered something TRULY SPECIAL here.  This is THE MOST I have laughed at the cinema so far this year, but thankfully like its predecessors it’s also got plenty of feels on offer too, meaning that it definitely fits in JUST FINE with the best that its new peers in the MCU have to offer.  Topping this off with a selection of genuinely BRILLIANT inspired soundtrack needle-drops (particularly in the thoroughly irreverent and MASSIVELY disrespectful opening title sequence which sees Wade mercilessly desecrating one of Marvel’s most sacred cows) and a genuinely moving closing credits farewell homage to Fox’s Marvel legacy, the filmmakers have done their material so very proud as well as opened the door to so much fresh possibility in the Marvel Cinematic Universe going forward, and I for one hope this is a sign that things really are FINALLY back on the right track for the series.  Now if they could just get that Blade reboot out of Development Hell (wink wink) …

1.  ALIEN: ROMULUS – Ultimately landing JUST BEHIND a certain other major genre heavyweight entry on my list for the year so far, my (current) number TWO science-fiction film of the year is also easily one of the SCARIEST movies I’ve seen so far this year.  It’s also a very interesting and IMPORTANT film in that it goes A LONG WAY to knocking yet another major cinematic franchise back on track after spending a long while spiralling further and further out of true alignment.  Okay, I admit it, I LIKE Prometheus a whole lot as an actual FILM, but even I can admit that IN UNIVERSE its attempts to connect with Ridley Scott’s own original masterpiece and James Cameron’s (even better) follow-up were clunky at best and downright EMBARRASSING at worst (and in the end, the less said about Alien: Covenant the better, really).  So I guess it’s actually A GOOD THING that Scott took a step back into more of a producing role to allow somebody else to take the reins of this sort-of soft reboot, and it turns out that Fede Alvarez, writer-director of the first Evil Dead remake and Don’t Breathe (as well as the CRIMINALLY underrated The Girl In the Spider’s Web), was the PERFECT CHOICE for this job.  Fitting in somewhere between the events of Alien and Aliens, Romulus sees the dastardly Weyland Yutani Corporation find the blasted remains of the Nostromo floating in deep space, as well as traces of the original xenomorph itself, which they then transport to the film’s eponymous space station, in the orbit of the colony world of Jackson’s Star, in the hopes of exploiting the organism’s unique properties for their own gains.  Something clearly goes HORRIBLY WRONG in the interim, because when a gang of opportunistic young colonists, looking for a chance to jump ship to a freer life in another system outside of Corporate control, sneak onto the station in the hopes of scavenging some cryogenic resources for the journey, they find it derelict and ravaged by some kind of horrific disaster.  Then their poking around sets loose some of the fruits of the scientists’ biological labours, and before they know it they’re neck-deep in facehuggers and more than a few of their bigger brethren too …

Cailee Spaeny (Priscilla, Civil War, Bad Times At the El Royale) makes for a surprisingly robust action heroine in the classic Ripley mould as Rain, her diminutive size belying her character’s feisty determination and wily resourcefulness; Archie Renaux (Shadow & Bone) and Isabel Merced (Sicario: Day of the Soldado, Dora & the City of Gold, Turtles All the Way Down) are both extremely likeable as Tyler and Kay, respectively Rain’s ex-boyfriend and best friend, while Spike Fearn (Tell Me Everything) is kind of a prick as their cocky cousin Bjorn, and newcomer Aileen Wu is standoffish but precocious as talented young pilot Navarro.  The real breakout star of the piece, however, has to be Rye Lane’s David Jonsson, who delivers a spectacularly complex, multifaceted turn as Rain’s adopted brother Andy, a former Weyland-Yutani android dug out of a scrapheap and reprogrammed to protect her by her late father.  They’re all put through hell by the events that unfold within the faltering station, Alvarez turning the screws and fraying our nerves with his characteristic masterful skill as their situations progressively go from bad to worse to truly fucked, all while paying loving homage to the first two movies while also creating something new and fresh for the series if they do decide to move forward from here.  Best of all, though, as he’s always done in the past he largely eschews digital effects, preferring to do as much as he possibly can with physical effects, which makes the impressively icky creature work and seriously NASTY gore all the more delightfully gnarly throughout, with the film’s ONLY bum note being a particularly problematic “resurrection” choice which has already had a great deal made of it in the press, but which I, ultimately, found was actually handled surprisingly well in the end, so that it really didn’t detract very much from my personal enjoyment of the film as a whole.  Rounded off with an evocative and enjoyably old school score from Benjamin Wallfisch (who clearly had a great time channelling both Jerry Goldsmith and James Horner here), this is a rousing success for me, a phenomenal return to form for one of my very favourite sci-fi cinematic franchises and yet another standout offering from one of the very best fresh talents working in horror cinema today.  If he does indeed choose to stick with the property, I think Alvarez could well keep this series fresh and exciting for a fair few years yet.

[wildpeachfarm]

I don’t know if I will watch the Minecraft movie but despite the bad 3d animation, there is a certain charm to it that I can myself enjoying it for what it is. Also not surprised that this is what we end up getting the moment they announced jack black to play Steve. Like I expected an over the top comedy film. But I guess what’s unfortunate about it is the fact that from the vibes, it literally could be another game with an adventure setting and not much would change. It’s more of a movie about “Minecraft the franchise” and not so much community focus on what really makes Minecraft stand out. Like it’s very easy to tug on the nostalgia strings. But I hope the techno reference is amazing though :)

- Celestial anon

Yeah it reminds me of like fraggle rock and those old 80/90s dark fantasy movies so I’m kind of here for it if the script is good lol