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jovyjovss · 1 year

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Who You Are Matters

By Jova T.

Disclaimer: The photo shown above is not mine, credits to the rightful owner.

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When I was young, I dreamed of mermaids, fairies, and magic. I had imagined that life would be all sparkles and shining diamonds. I dreamed of all the silly things a young girl would want to have, like lots of toys, Barbie dolls, and cute things. When I was young, I was always brought into another world, another dimension, where all my fantasies came true. When I was young, I was a pure dreamer. One that could dream of lots of things, thinking that they would really happen. Thinking that even the impossible, or even fairytales, could be real. I was once a typical young girl that had her own world and her own fantasies.

All I could think of was playing Barbie dolls, watching Barbie movies, and reenacting the Barbie scenes in real life. I think every girl has experienced this point in their lives where they were really addicted to Barbie movies to the point that they could memorize the lines of what the characters were going to say and that each scene in the movie you already knew what happened because you watched the movie so many times. It’s like never getting tired of how many times the movie is replayed and just enjoying the pleasure that comes out of it.

I was so naive, pure, and innocent back then that I couldn’t think of other things and thought that I had nothing to worry about. I watched Barbie movies every day and even asked my mom to buy me CDs if there was another release of a new movie. There wasn’t a day that our CD player wasn’t used. Even the backs of the CDs are scraped from repeated usage. It was pure happiness and pleasure back then. When we are young, we are free of the worries of the real world and immersed in our own world, knowing the problems that will arise and that we’ll face later on. I was in a world of my own. Every corner in our house is a different location for where I enact my favorite Barbie scenes.

Even if it’s not a scene from a movie, I just blabber some words and go on with my "acting" as if it’s a different world. I really loved acting back then. I even had a few friends join my little gimmick. They said no at first because they thought that it was really weird, but they were eventually left with no choice because I really encouraged them to. Thinking back then, I was grateful that I had a few friends who wanted to play with me because I was a shy and introverted girl until then and now. I’m already happy that I made a few friends who are real and respectful of the things that I like, rather than having a lot of friends but who don’t see you for who you are.

I even thought that mermaids were real in real life or that they were somewhere out there. I had a lot of different scenarios going through my head, causing me to daydream even in different places. I always like to imagine, because imagining feels good and makes you think of different things that could be possible. "What if this kind of thing turned out in the end?" It just makes you wonder about the what-ifs and other possibilities that could happen. Because anything can happen, and we can’t be too sure of what’s happening now.

But growing up, I think I unconsciously lost that side of myself, where I just enjoyed being me without having to worry what others might think or have to say about me.When I realized that I somehow stopped doing those things anymore or being the child I was, I realized that I had already grown up and that it was time for me to face greater things and focus on my priorities. I am no longer the child I once was. I am now a teenager, and I will become an adult who will face greater heights and responsibilities in life. When we grow up, we realize that there is a difference and a huge gap from who we were back then because we are now exposed to different environments and people that caused us to change.

We learned that life isn’t all butterflies and rainbows or fairy tales and magic. We learned that there is also pain and suffering. The reality is that we have been hidden for so long that we have been unaware for the longest time. It made us realize different kinds of things and how things really work.

You could say it’s natural, but it's really not. When we grow up, it’s only natural that we lessen that side of us because life isn’t all about games and fun. We’re already tossed onto the other side of the coin, the other side where reality presents itself, and it’s time for us to get serious. But losing that side is not natural; we can lessen it but not lose it. And I think that’s what we’re all forgetting. We’re all so focused on the results and consequences that will result from our actions that we forget that it’s alright to loosen up a little and enjoy the little things that this world has to offer.

So that is why, even if I only have a little time to spare, I decided to still engage with my inner child and reminisce about the way I act like I’m the main character of a movie, how I engage myself to reenact the scenes from my favorite shows, and how I sometimes casually speak some random lines with an accent. No matter how childish it may look or sound, I still love doing silly things, and that's okay. Even if it’s not the same as before, I realized that what’s important is not losing that part of you that brings you simple joy and happiness. To not lose your inner child, to not lose yourself, to not lose who you are, and to do the things that you simply love amidst the worries or problems that may arise, even if things don’t turn out well the way you planned them to.

Even now, I still have my own world, and I am still in my own world. Even if I am unsure of what the future holds and the events that await me.

When we wake up to the realization of reality, somehow we lose this innocent and pure side of us because we don’t want to allow ourselves to be a target of vulnerability or to show a hint of weakness. Because in this world and day, we are always needed to be "strong," even though it doesn’t seem to always be the case. "Things don’t always go the way you want them to". I always hear this quote in the movies or in people’s sayings in general. I also have this favorite line of mine from Ben&Ben’s song “All will be alright in time”. Even if things don’t turn out the way we want them to, it’s fine and okay because things will be better for us soon. It will happen because bad things don’t remain bad. Good things will probably come, and all it needs is faith, the effort and determination that we want to show how we actually want things to be.

#creative nonfiction #story #literature

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twenty-nothing · 4 years

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OneHundredSixty

If you were to get a tattoo, what would it say or what would the graphic be? The next tattoo I’m getting is when I make my goal weight. Mountains with Matthew 17:20 under it.

If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be and why? If you already play an instrument(s), what do you play and why? I’d love to be able to play piano, I like classical music.

When trick-or-treating as a kid, was there any kind of candy that you didn’t like to get? Those weird rainbow colored chocolate candy that were kinda hard and no label lol

Why do you live in the Washington DC area? I don’t live there.

What is your favorite memory of Christmases past? Christmas morning chocolate milk with cinnamon rolls. And the yule log on the tv while opening up presents.

If a movie was being made of your life and you could choose the actor/actress to play you, who would you choose and why? Melissa McCarthy lol

Paper or plastic? Plastic

What was the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten? Escargot

What do you keep in the trunk of your car? Box of reusable bags

When you were in grade school, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why? A chemist, I have no idea why

If you owned a CB radio what would your “handle” be? I have no idea lol

If you were given 24 hrs to live, what would you do? Spend it with my parents

If you were in the “Miss America” talent competition, what would your talent be? (Note: both guys & gals have to answer this question) I have absolutely no talent lol

What do you think the most ultimate gift of the world is? Having a family of your own

If you had one extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it? Sleep probably

What CD is in your CD player right now? Who the hell still owns a CD player

Name the most famous person you’ve had a face to face encounter with. I’ve never had an encounter with a famous person

Name your favorite children’s story. Goodnight Moon

If you could spend 15 minutes with any living person, who would it be and why? Head of FBI, I just think the FBI is extremely interesting

What person in the Bible do you most closely identify with? I dont know

What article of clothing most closely describes your personality? Cardigan

If you were to write a book what would it be about? It would be a mystery for sure

How many rings before you answer the phone? Two or three usually

What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning? Ugh I wanna sleep

If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it? Pay off my student loans, pay off my parents house, buy my own house and save the rest

If you had to, what part of your body would you get pierced? Ears, already have belly and tried a nose ring before

Who was your favorite teacher and why? I dont remember lmao

What makes you feel the most secure? Having stable income

Who do you admire the most? My parents

Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What was it? I know I have but of course I can’t think of it right now!

What was your nickname growing up? Court

Peanut or plain? Peanut

What is your favorite cartoon character & why? I like Patrick, hes funny

How did you learn to ride a bicycle? My dad taught me

Based on something you’ve already done, how might you make it into the Guinness Book of World Records? Fastest Series Watcher

What’s the closest you’ve come to becoming a pop star/winning an Oscar? I got like over 10 likes one time on instagram lmao

When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it? I went kayaking for the first time in May!

What is your concept of a fruitful day? Being in an amazing mood, and getting things done

What was your favorite thing to play with as a child? Why? Barbies, I just liked dressing them up and doing their hair

If you could be any animal in the world for 24 hours, which animal would you be? Why? Cat. What a life they have lol

Have you ever jumped out of a plane? No

If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be? Child abuse

What is your best personal characteristic? I have a good sense of humor

What is your favorite quote? Dreams don’t work unless you do

If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? Spy on people. I’m extremely noisy!

What is your favorite weird food combination? Mac and cheese dipped in applesauce

If you had to be a flower, which one would you like to be and why? Lily. They just look so fancy

If you were stranded on a desert island, what three books and three people would you take with you? The Giver, Under the Dome and My Sisters Keeper. My mom, dad and Lisa lol

My biggest pet peeve is… Dumb ass people

What is your favorite commercial? What commercial annoys you the most? “I’m shopping for a new car, which ones me? A cool convertible or an SUV?” :) and I could name a ton that annoy me

What’s the most interesting “Ice Breaker” Question you have ever been asked? What’s your body count

If you could be an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Why? Strawberry. Simple but not the most popular

Name a turning point in your life that makes you smile/cry. Matt cheating on me. It hurt me so bad but made me grow up in a lot of ways

If there were a holiday in your honor what would it celebrate? Everything me

What clubs were you a member of in High School? Are you still interested in any of the same things? No clubs but I was a cheerleader. Still watch competitions on TV

If you were to be on a reality TV show which one would you be on and why? Big Brother!! I think it would be very fun

If you could be anything in the world, what would you be and why? Forensic Accountant. Mix my love of accounting and interest with criminal justice

If someone rented a billboard for you, what would you put on it? Suicide Prevention

If you had to enter a competition for the “Most Uselessly Unique Talent,” what would your talent be? Moving my elbow left and right while holding my wrist still

If you were a Smurf, what would your name be? Grouchy

What is your worst personality characteristic? I can be pretty cynical

If you had to be a teacher of something, what would you teach? Adulting

How would you like to be remembered? My honesty or sense of humor

What is one thing that you constantly think about (other than material things)? How much longer until I pay off my student loans, 12 more years!

What do you like best about your hometown? Where my parents house is I can walk to a lot of things

Something interesting you might not know about me is… I can hold my pee for an abnormal amount of time

#random #long #survey #courtneyhelene

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eintsein · 5 years

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12, 25, 38, 57, 86! (hope you're having a great day)

12. What was your last dream about?

ok so it’s a little long and thus frustrating to try to write everything, but essentially there was a war going on between the witches, the rebels, and whatever group i was in (it wasn’t particularly clear). my group was led by one of my pastors from my church - let’s call him terrence - and comprised some of my friends.

there was going to be this huge event in a theater at an opera house, where the rebel leader was going to speak. and so terrence and the rest of our crew got backstage before the event.

apparently it was my duty to kill as many of the rebels’ guards as i could. however, i had no idea how to use a gun, and i was basically flailing my arms around with a rifle in each hand (a little terrifying to be honest). luckily, though, the rebel guards just thought i was stupid and didn’t retaliate or anything.

so i went backstage and asked one of my teammates - let’s call him rowan - to teach me how to use a gun. he got like a small handgun and shot at the lockers (note these were like your high school steel lockers) but the weird thing was, the bullet ricocheted off the locker, and again off the wall, and then dropped to the ground like there was some sort of force pulling it down, in addition to gravity.

after that, i thought, okay, i’m ready to take on these rebels now, so i stepped outside and started shooting, but nothing came out of either of the two guns i had. this time, they came to the realization that i was part of the enemy, so i used the rifles as boomerangs to distract them enough so that i could get backstage.

once i got backstage, terrence was training this girl (i didn’t recognize her) an ‘important song’ that’s supposedly ‘the key to winning this war’. the song was you raise me up. so i was like, ‘i know this song, let me do all the decoding key-turning password-hacking manipulating things since i have no freaking idea how to use any weapon aside from my own brain’.

but then terrence was like, ‘no, i have a more important task for you’ and hands me a gun. in my head i was like ‘did you not hear me just now? do you want us to lose the war?’ but i just went along with it. i was to sit right in front of the rebel leader’s podium and shoot her when the time was right.

on my way out, i was shaking and scared and had no idea what i was going to do. luckily i ran into our supreme leader - ariana grande (i guess terrence was her second in command). she was clad in a latex suit and with a high ponytail out of which she could pull whips and passion of the christ type weapons. terrifying.

of course i was like, ‘yo ari you gotta do this for me, for our entire team. if i try to kill the rebel leader, we’re only gonna lose the war.’

luckily, she agreed to do it.

so our entire team walked into the theater dressed as rebels and sat down in the front row. at this point, i think rebel girl by bikini kill was playing. not sure if it was in my head or through the speakers in the room. but soon enough, the rebel leader emerged onto the stage.

princess leia. not sure if she was general organa yet at this point, but so far this is the only part of this dream that makes any sense.

just as she was beginning her speech, out of nowhere, sokka (from avatar: the last airbender) shows up and starts yelling at her, blaming her for either 1) bullying him, or 2) being bulimic. i couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. luckily, zuko pulled him back into the crowd before he caused a scene.

i saw ariana pull the gun out of her boot/coat/somewhere discreet. i had to leave the theater because i didn’t think couldn’t stomach seeing leia - or anyone for that matter - get shot.

as soon as i got out into the hallway, i get this sixth sense, like a that’s so raven vision type feeling: it was coming from my pet. at this point i realized that the girl with whom terrence was singing you raise me up was my pet - in human form. sounds a little like the new fantastic beasts movie that i never got around to watching.

but anyway, she was at the witches’ house, disguised as a witch, of course. this was the home of the witches’ emperor - a hybrid of aaravos from the dragon prince, maleficent, and the queen of the night from the magic flute - and his two daughters, gamora from the mcu and odile from the swan lake barbie movie.

my pet tried to get the emperor to show her a transcript or document of sorts. after a little chit-chat, the emperor got suspicious, so he asked her to sing his favorite song. my pet knew the song - the queen of the night aria, very fitting - but once she tried to sing the coloratura bits (the part that goes aa a a a a a a a a a aahhh...), her voice started cracking and got hoarser with each note she tried to sing.

apparently all witches could sing, and the fact that my pet couldn’t just gave her away. so the emperor cast some sort of reversal spell to change her back into her true form: a frog-head and snake-body with four limbs and retractable wings (retractable like the thing where you insert a cd in a computer or cd player).

and that’s where the dream ends. also in retrospect i think you raise me up was supposed to be the rebels’ fight song lmao.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

rainbow lmao

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

22 hours but only bc i had a flight at 6am and had to leave at 3am and i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to wake up so i just stayed up

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

depends how much time i have. i can wake up and go out in 10 minutes or i can like chill while gradually getting ready for 2 hours.

86. What are you allergic to?

dust, unfresh seafood - anything unfresh actually

(hope ur day’s amazing too!)

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surveysonfleek · 5 years

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1486.

If you were to get a tattoo, what would it say or what would the graphic be? i wouldn’t get a tatt.

If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be and why? If you already play an instrument(s), what do you play and why? i’d love to play either piano or guitar really well.

When trick-or-treating as a kid, was there any kind of candy that you didn’t like to get? any cheap no name ones haha.

Why do you live in the Washington DC area? i don’t. i love it there though!

What is your favorite memory of Christmases past? christmas with my family in the philippines. we’ll all meet up from all around the world.

What is the most outrageous thing you’ve done for God? haha no comment.

If a movie was being made of your life and you could choose the actor/actress to play you, who would you choose and why? i don’t think there’s an actress just like me lol.

Paper or plastic? depends on what it is.

What was the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten? geoduck. google it.

What do you keep in the trunk of your car? i have two throws in there.

When you were in grade school, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why? a graphic designer. coz i was good at that shit.

If you owned a CB radio what would your “handle” be? idk.

If you were given 24 hrs to live, what would you do? spend it with my loved ones.

If you were in the “Miss America” talent competition, what would your talent be? (Note: both guys & gals have to answer this question) noooo idea.

What do you think the most ultimate gift of the world is? having a roof over my head and food to eat.

What is your earliest childhood memory? running towards my dad down our hallway.

If you had one extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it? sleep.

What CD is in your CD player right now? haha i don’t have a cd player.

Name the most famous person you’ve had a face to face encounter with. hmmm. mel gibson. or niall horan.

Name your favorite children’s story. the princess and the pea.

If you could spend 15 minutes with any living person, who would it be and why? beyonce.

What person in the Bible do you most closely identify with? idk.

What article of clothing most closely describes your personality? sweats.

If you were to write a book what would it be about? no idea. a mystery.

How many rings before you answer the phone? three.

What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning? what the time is.

If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it? save most of it.

If you had to, what part of your body would you get pierced? ears.

Who was your favorite teacher and why? i honestly didn’t really have one.

What makes you feel the most secure? my loved ones.

Who do you admire the most? my family.

Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What was it? haha yes. i can’t think of one rn but when i dream about it i recognise it lol.

What was your nickname growing up? haha i had many.

Who was your hero when you were a child, and what did you do to be like them? my mum.

Peanut or plain? plain.

What is your favorite cartoon character & why? aladdin. he’s cute.

How did you learn to ride a bicycle? my dad sorta taught me but i insisted on leaving my training wheels on. after awhile i just learned naturally.

Based on something you’ve already done, how might you make it into the Guinness Book of World Records? laziest person in the world.

What’s the closest you’ve come to becoming a pop star/winning an Oscar? haha getting a ton of likes on insta.

When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it? idk.

What is your concept of a fruitful day? getting shit done.

What was your favorite thing to play with as a child? Why? barbies. it was fun to make up fake lives.

If you could be any animal in the world for 24 hours, which animal would you be? Why? panda. looks like a chill life.

Have you ever jumped out of a plane? nope.

If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be? child abuse.

What is your best personal characteristic? i’m very empathetic.

What is your favorite quote? i don’t have one.

If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? spy on people.

What is your favorite weird food combination? not sure...

If you had to be a flower, which one would you like to be and why? peony, they look nice and fluffy.

If you were stranded on a desert island, what three books and three people would you take with you? ugh idk! i’d take my kindle lol.

My biggest pet peeve is… rude people.

What is your favorite commercial? What commercial annoys you the most? idk i hate ads.

What’s the most interesting “Ice Breaker” Question you have ever been asked? not sure.

If you could be an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Why? cookies and cream. who doesn’t like that?

Name a turning point in your life that makes you smile/cry. idk.

If there were a holiday in your honor what would it celebrate? meeee.

What clubs were you a member of in High School? Are you still interested in any of the same things? none tbh.

If you were to be on a reality TV show which one would you be on and why? survivor if i was fit enough.

If you could be anything in the world, what would you be and why? lol dk.

If someone rented a billboard for you, what would you put on it? no idea. art.

If you had to enter a competition for the “Most Uselessly Unique Talent,” what would your talent be? making origami stars.

If you were a Smurf, what would your name be? haha idk.

What is your worst personality characteristic? if you put me in a bad mood it’s hard for me to get out of it.

If you had to be a teacher of something, what would you teach? tech.

How would you like to be remembered? my kindness.

What is one thing that you constantly think about (other than material things)? vacations. i need something to look forward to.

What do you like best about your hometown? it’s quiet.

Something interesting you might not know about me is… i pee a lot.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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littlewalken · 6 years

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Sep 10

I wish I had Cure friends who lived near me and we could swap stuff, check out each others stuff etc. I still don’t have copies of the regular versions 1000 Virgins, Best Album Ever, and Last Album Ever? I am saving for the remastered versions, and the photo books, but I’m also waiting to see what turns up for the anniversary and...

The new iShiny works with the iStick.

Y’all know how it is, all the batteries in your Apple doodads die at once or like you can’t update them any more.

Look, kids on my Tumblr lawn, if you write and art on your tablet you don’t know what it’s like to have a backpack or tote with the notebook/binder, sketchbook, camera, extra pens and pencils, book you’re reading, CD player with extra CDs... Fu#k, no wonder I have back prombles.

Got a few pages into The Cure A Perfect Dream, there are no recognizable pics of Goff Barbie or New Boi, and so far it’s all common knowledge. Some of the format reminds me of the Daft Punk bio. There’s no reason to even revue this book, unless it’s unfactual, because we all know Cure fans will buy it any way.

What we need is another fan written book, a comprehensive timeline, artistic POVs on the music, and a balance between hero worshipping Robert and knowing he’s possibly fired people via e-mail.

Musical differences with Roger’s leaving in 1990 is one thing, knowing it had to do with the dynamics between Robert and Simon and Simon becoming a father and knowing that would have an effect on Porl leaving before becoming a father is another.

Let the fans hear about the mind numbing times with the Thompson Twins, how amazing was it for Porl to play with his idols in Led Zeppelin, how did Perry get involved with Love Amongst Ruin?

Why are Roger’s solo albums so plain?

Was Jason really adopted by them after being found as a lost child as Glastonbury 1990 so he technically became property of Fiction Records :p

Yesterday was basically day 2 of Real or Bullshit videos and string. Started to separate one of the Lion shawl cakes in to 2 cakes of 2 strings each but it wasn’t going to work because of how they do the ombre so I put it back together and rewrapped the cake with the opposite end in the center than they had.

I’m not mad enough to make a Shetland lace wedding veil that can be pulled through a ring yet.

Yet.

No, seriously I have yet to make anything in a lace knit stitch yet and have only done a couple of small doily and pineapple things.

More Cure reading today, some stringing or other creating, and perhaps it’s time for the latest catermellon to ripen.

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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have you got any brothers or sisters who annoy you? my sister annoys me indeed

as a younger teenager, did you have any older guys/girls hit on you? as a teenager nobody hit on me

would you ever want to be changed into a vampire? doubt it, the only thing that would truly interest me about it is immortality which isn’t actually living forever as even sun can kill you and knowing my luck that would happen fast

does the thought of dying give you cold chills? kinda how many times has someone called you boring, if ever? several times because I don’t travel, I don’t party, I don’t like sports and out of some other reasons has anyone ever told you that you had “so many” months to live? not exactly as a teen, were you trusted to be alone with a boyfriend/girlfriend? as a teen I had no real bf/gf do your parents both have a job? my mom’s retired already are you currently unemployed? if not, what’s your job? I am where do you belong? nowhere?... were you anyone’s first kiss? I was what is the color of your cellular telephone? black what color are your gloves/mittens? I have few pairs when was the last time you listened to the radio; and do you remember which song was the last you heard on there? not counting online radio that I still rarely listen to (usually just during Christmas time, that special playlist on rmf) - years and I don’t remember the last song because I didn’t think it will be the last one and that just made me sad do you think English the hardest language to learn? noooo do you clean under your nails with safety pins? I use toothpicks how long after your shower do you walk around naked, or in your towel, until you decide to get dressed? I get dressed right away does it bother you that so many people start going out like a week or two before valentine’s day, as if it’s just because they don’t want to be alone? that’s really lame, I’m sorry for them what do(es) you(r mom) grow in your garden? lots of stuff what do you think of facial piercings? meh, some are ugly, some are ok did your shoe laces come with your shoes? yeah but they still have zippers as I wouldn’t bother to own shoes with just laces do you have any cds you bought at the concert?. never bought a CD at the concert what does your second oldest sibling do for a living? I have only one sibling and what she does is not your business (pun intended) are there any beanie babies with your birthday? Beanie Boos Carrots - rabbit - style 36031 Julep - monkey - style 36056 Pashun - dog - style 36206 Beanie Babies Bunga Raya - bear - style 4615 - (birth year 2002) Dewi Y Ddraig - dragon - style 46157 - (birth year 2010) D'Vine - monkey - style 40767 - (birth year 2008) Flower - meerkat - style 46155 - (birth year 2010) Niles - camel - style 4284 -(birth year 2000) Peace - bear - style 4053 - (birth year 1996) Peepers - bushbaby - style 40795 - (birth year 2009) TOUR Teddy - bear - style 40347 - (birth year 2006) Teenie Beanie Boppers Terrific Tessa - style 0334 Boppers Lovely Lily - style 0223

what color is your cat? it was all black with yellow eyes

do you own any buddha? nooo, why would I do you know what color hazel really is? .. my eyes? XD what color is your toaster? don’t own one what color is your webcam? white but I don’t use it as I have no mic, I tried to buy one but they never work so I prefer to use my cellphone as a cam instead do you have anything real gold? I think I still own that one tiny item (necklace with the letter Z) and if I do I will probably sell it

Do you own any adult colouring books? those gimme anxiety When was the last time you got some new headphones? mine are about 5 years old

Do you know anyone whose name starts with the letter X? I don’t :o

Name a food that you dislike the texture of. pears

Describe the cover illustration of the book closest to you. it has the Stranger things villain on it behind the room with no. 11

Do you wear a mask when you go to the store? of course, if you don’t - I hate you!

Are you expecting a package right now? am not

What is one thing you hate about summer? mosquitos for an example

Did you go outside today? just our garden

Have you ever received a misdiagnosis from a doctor? yup

Do you have a book that you’ve read multiple times? I never reread books

Do you enjoy babysitting? ugh...

What was your favorite book you had to read for school? I used to like Cierpienia młodego Wertera - that was stupid of me

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? in pre-school

What’s one childhood dream that has stuck with you? my own apartment

Would you want to re-live your childhood over again if you could? I believe

Which do you like more: being an adult or being a kid? being a kid

Did your parents smoke or drink when you were growing up? nope

Do you enjoy bonfires? they were fine

Have you ever ridden in an ambulence? couple of times

Do you know anyone who used to be loving, but then turned cold? that would be me...

What color are your bedroom walls? green and yellow

Is there an old friend that you miss and would like to reconnect with? I tried...

Have you been bullied? all of my school years basically

Which talent show, if any, would you most like to audition for? I have no talent

Do you feel like time goes by fast, or slow? both slow and fast

Who do you know who has died of cancer? my aunt that I didn’t really know

Have you ever stayed overnight in a hospital, and if so, what for? couple of times, once even almost entire month, long story (stories actually)

Have you ever been so angry you wanted to sue someone? hahaha

Have you ever been a victim of racism? I’m white so not really

Did you go to prom? nah

Are you an aunt or uncle? yep

Do you feel like you are currently in a state of suffering? and that not all of your basic needs are being met? If so, how long have you been in a state of suffering? I’ve always been and it only got worse

Life isn’t fair. True or false? it seems

Name a few people who seem to have everything handed to them. born rich

Do you pray less or more than you did 5 years ago? more

Do you pray a lot? not enough

Have you ever used an epi pen? hope I won’t have to

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? HS didn’t have big bullies but for me that was A.L.

How many kids do you want to have? 0

Do you want to get married? hmm...

Best date you’ve been on? dunno

Dream date? *shrug*

Ever kissed someone on New Year’s? never

Have you ever been in so much pain you prayed that you would die? other kind of suffering

Who always tries to stop you whenever you try to go after your dreams? life/world so God I guess

are you in love with llamas? they’re cool

do you like hats? beanies and those winter ones in animal shapes

have you ever had surgery? not yet

do you have an enemy? some I call this way

do you want to save the trees? yes

what size shoe do you wear? 38-39

do you cook? I do not

do you like taking pictures? at times

pink flamingos? cute for the garden :3

do you like spiders? I don’t mind them

do you own an mp3 player? but I don’t use it anymore, not even sure if it still works

why are you hitting yourself? self harm

what’s your mom’s name? personal

what about your dad? same

have you ever won anything? yep

is revenge sweet? in movies might be and sometimes I laugh when ppl get what they deserve, sorry not sorry?

have you ever had someone lie for you so you wouldn’t get in trouble? sort of

who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob

do you like night or day better? night

do you like finding nemo? nooo

plaid or polka dots? why not stripes?

have you ever done yoga? a bit

what posters do you have on your wall? no posters

do you wear dresses a lot? noooo

how many school dances have you been to? all of them besides prom

can you swim? can’t

don’t you just want to mass murder all barbie dolls? why? :o

who was the last person you were under a blanket with? my gf

name something great that happened today? for example - Choices chapters were great

who was the last person’s voice you heard? mom’s

did you speak to your mother today? of course

what color is your hair? naturally dark brown

when was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? online or irl?

how did you wake up this morning? by myself

how many letters are in your last name? 11

do you still talk to the last person you kissed? in general because at this very moment she’s asleep

do you believe that everything happens for a reason? not everything

do you ever pretend to text/talk on the phone when you’re in public? yeah have you ever had spinach? if not, would you ever want to? I ate it before don’t you hate when the wires pop out of your bra and poke you all day? my bra has no wires am i the only one who likes to go grocery shopping? you’re not alone

is anything wrong with your eyes? possibly do you ever write notes on your hand? used to last time you cried? why? I was moved by the game on my cellphone

when is the last time you were in a swimming pool? in middle school have you ever fallen backwards on a chair? I don’t recall what do you feel like watching? nothing atm do you ever try to write with your non-dominant hand? with feet too who makes you laugh the most? my gf and my dad who starred in your last dream? besides me - no one that I know do you regret doing something today? maybe do you think you’re old? I’m not but I often feel like I am are you afraid of the dark? at home only - especially mirrors and windows in the dark are scary

sometimes, do you wish you were someone else? not a particular person have you ever told anyone you were ok when you really weren’t? it’s bad but I did that before do you talk a lot? do I?

which member of your family are you closest to? dad

would you ever apply to be on reality tv? doubt it do you have a hard time letting things go? I guess have you ever struggled with your weight? slightly when you are out with your friends are you loud and outgoing or shy and reserved? depends do you like to stay in your pajamas all day long? whatever in high school did you have a lot of friends? do you still keep in touch? group and not really at what age did you get your period? 13? fuzzy socks: yay or nay? yay

When was the last time you held a puppy? years ago

Was the person that last slept over at your house a boy or girl? girl Who’s name first comes to mind that starts with the letter “P”? Paulina and Patrycja

Do you have any kind of jewelry on at the moment? not at the moment Would you say you use “lol” too often? get used to this!

When was the last time you vacuumed a room? I mop the floor

You can only shop at one store for the rest of your life, what store is it? but food? :o

Have you ever donated to a cause? yup

0 notes

ladydlite · 8 years

Text

Recording Love, A BTS Fanfic

When my agent told me he'd gotten me a chance to record with Agust D aka Suga from BTS I wasn't exactly thrilled. I haven't been in this business very long, and I didn't want to meet my bias feeling like a wannabe. I wanted to meet him, I have even before I got a record deal, but I wanted to meet him as his equal, not some no-hoper who's music would only get noticed because of him. I guess I should explain. I'm a hip hop/r&b singer/rapper/songwriter. My debut album came out last summer and it was the hardest work of my entire life. I have toured tiny gigs, hauled my CD's from my agents car trunk into clubs, done more paperwork and sat in more meetings than I ever did as a secretary, an assistants assistant. If you're imagining some glamorous lifestyle you'd be wry wrong. I've been told I'm too fat to be a star, too ugly and that I should have a host of plastic surgery procedures if I want to make it as an idol. Okay, I might not be Barbie but I'm not ugly or fat! I refused to be turned into one of those "aegyo" Kpop girls who don't seem to stand for anything other than sickly sweet lyrics and cutesy dance moves. My music is about real issues, not whether or not my boyfriend is hot, or if the cute high schooler has a crush on me. Sorry, this is my personal pet hate! As soon as I released the debut album I had to get started writing for the next one. There's no let up in this game, and if I want to stay true to my ethos I'm not going to sing something written by someone else that's just going to sell. When my agent heard my first new song for the next album it was his big idea to call up BigHit and arrange a deal. I have no idea how he swung it, maybe he had an in or is blackmailing someone, anyway, he did it all behind my back and then dropped the news on me like a ton of bricks. At first I was angry, my agent could tell I wasn't happy. "Look, this newest song is perfect for a duet with Min Yoongi! You told me he was a big inspiration for you when we first met, so of course I pounced on the song to get you a chance to record with him. I thought you'd be pleased, isn't he the reason you started writing songs in the first place?" He said, as he leaned on his desk heavily, "I've stuck my neck out for you, I called in a very big favor to get you this opportunity. Be a good girl and do what your told!" I hate it when he does the "I-know-better-than-you" schtick, and worst of it, he does! So I sighed but on a fake smile and crossed my arms so he'd know I was faking it. "This is going to be a big break for you!" He said. "So is Min Yoongi being told to suck it up too?" I grumbled. "He's been given your debut album, and asked if he'd like to record with you," he said, he was talking to me as if I were his bratty teenage daughter at this point. God, I hate that, it did nothing to lighten my mood, but I reminded myself that I was basically a bottom feeder at this point and if I didn't take this chance I might never get to record with Yoongi again. "Sorry," I said, trying to lighten up, "I just wanted to be a super cool idol when I met my idol and not just a pathetic little wannabe who's riding his coat tails!" "Hey, you mightn't be an idol yet, but you are not a wannabe. You've got talent! You are going places, do you think I'd be representing you if you weren't?" He said encouragingly. "Thanks!" I said smiling bravely. So that's how I ended up sitting in my tiny flat having fan girl nerves at 4 in the morning. Apparently Yoongi had liked my album and thought I was talented, he'd been given the lyrics and he'd liked those too. He'd agreed to record with me. The second I heard that I felt my heart beat so hard I thought I might be having a heart attack. My knees nearly dropped out from underneath me, and I'm just grateful I was home and no one was there to see me change to the color of oatmeal. Then after I put the phone down and my legs had decided to support me again, I ran around my apartment screaming like the true fan girl I am! I didn't sleep the night before I was due to go to the recording studio. I didn't know what I should wear, I spent the night picking out clothes and outfits and then throwing them on the floor and starting again. By the time my agent rang my doorbell I was crumpled in a heap, asleep on the clothes I'd rejected as trying to hard. I opened the door with bleary eyes and he marched in, saw me, smiled knowingly went straight into my bedroom picked up a white t shirt and some black skinny jeans and packed me off to the bathroom to shower while he made me coffee and breakfast, which he basically forced me to eat and then drove me to the studio. I was so nervous I don't know how I didn't throw up in the car, I kept looking at my agent like a scared rabbit. Maybe I could back out? Maybe I could do it another day? Maybe I would have a heart attack in the car and I'd die before I had to make a complete and total fool of myself in front of the one person I so desperately wanted to impress? But then we pulled up in front of the recording studio and my agent made me get out of the car, i hadn't died, we weren't going to do it another day and I couldn't back out. Seriously! How I even managed to walk into that recording place, my legs were like jelly, is a complete mystery! We sat in the waiting room until Min Yoongi had arrived with his handler and his representation. I gulped constantly for like 5 minutes while we waited, apparently my agent had arrived early in case he'd had to drag me inside. The receptionist asked me if I needed a glass of water because I was gulping so much, but I shook my head, I was sure if I drank or ate anything I was going to vomit all over Yoongi. "Are we late?" Asked Yoongi's handler. "No, not at all, we were just a little to eager to be able to do this," said my agent smoothly, "let me introduce my client." He said as I stood up on my jelly legs, and took a step towards my agent, Min Yoongi and his people. We shook hands and he actually half smiled at me, could he tell I was dying of nerves and resisting the urge to fan girl at high pitch? "So, let's get a coffee," said the handler, "then the talent can talk about how they want to create?!" He lead us all into a coffee room with an industrial looking espresso machine on one side with some tables and two soft looking sofas down the other end around a coffee table, Yoongi made his way to the sofas and I looked over my shoulder at my agent who nodded at me like he was my dad not my agent, I was secretly grateful, I was pretty much, and sorry but, shitting bricks with nerves and fear. "I really liked your album, you've got some serious talent and that shit is ballsy, like Jessi ballsy!" Said Yoongi as I sat down on one of the sofas. I gulped again, "Thanks!" I said my voice rough like I'd swallowed gravel before I opened my mouth, "that really means a lot coming from someone who is as talented as you!" He looked over his shoulder and his handler came running over, "What can I get you creatives to drink?" The handler asked us. Yoongi looked at me as if I should order first. My hands were still shaking, and I was desperate for caffeine hoping it would help with my nerves. "Cappuccino, double shot of espresso no sugar, thanks," I said after I'd cleared my throat. The handler nodded and looked at Yoongi, "That sounds good, make me one too!" He replied the half smile back. When we were "alone" again he spoke again, "Thank god, I thought you were going to be a sickly sweet fangirl! I only came to see if this wasn't some manufactured rebel shit, but a woman who drinks coffee like that must mean business!" "Thanks," I said, "I do, but I'll be honest, I was proper fangirl-ing from the early hours before my agent came to pick me up." He smiled again, I couldn't help but smile back. His hair scruffy and his dark eyes filled respect, this guy, my idol, the guy who I had dreamed about working with, the guy I'd had a huge crush on since their debut respected me, and was treating me like a creative equal and not like the total wannabe I felt I was. We spent hours figuring out how we could work best together. How his style could be incorporated into my song to best showcase our work. It was the best creative meeting I've ever had, and sure I haven't had that many, but I will always use it as a benchmark for any others. We spent so much time drinking coffee and planning out how it would work we didn't actually record anything that day. Okay, so now you're probably really confused, thinking that the magic fairies were recording all the music. But I am a new artist and my music is mine so I am involved in finding musicians, I write all my music and play piano so pretty much all my music starts from a piano base. When I get into a recording studio I spend all my time those first few weeks and month laying down beats from drummers and melodies from guitarists and stuff like that. So my producer had at his point hired all the musicians that I'd auditioned, basically guitarists, pianists, violinists, sometimes a bass player or trumpet player, it kind of depends on what style I'm trying to achieve. So when me and Yoongi met for the first time all that was still to do and I was quite impressed that he wanted to be involved in that bit too. He came into the studio every day after that, we'd sit at the mixing desk and lay down bass and beats, I'd give direction but he would give suggestions about things and I of course listened, the guy is a freaking music genius! We'd spark of each other and before too long we had the music down and we're thinking about the rap and singing. After each day I'd come home with a sort of glow inside me, I was tired, exhausted actually but I spent every evening smiling to myself. Then I'd go to bed and smile as I thought how great the day had been, or how smart and kind Yoongi was. He tells you straight but he's not mean, he's just honest sometimes brutally so. He's so sincere, after the year I'd had it was refreshing not to be BS'd all the time. Then there was the night I dreamed he kissed me, I woke up slowly and so happy but when I remembered my dream, I sat bolt upright. Look, I've said, I'm a fangirl, I've had a crush on Suga for a long time, so sure I've daydreamed plenty that I was kissing the cherubic Yoongi but after meeting him I'd stopped doing that and I'd certainly not dreamt about him for weeks, not since hearing he'd be recording with me. So when I woke up and realized I'd be dreaming we were kissing, I won't explain how far we'd got before I woke up, pleasant as it was and believe me it was, I felt guilty. It felt like I was somehow not treating him like a person, like I was treating him like an idol on a poster. When I got to the studio that day I couldn't shake that tingling feeling from my dream, every time I looked at Yoongi I felt myself starting to blush. Seeing him just brought back the dream image and the sensation of his kiss and it made me nervous, as nervous as the first day we'd met. "Are you alright?" He asked me when we sat on the sofas in the coffee room eating lunch. I composed myself and made myself look at his sweet face. "I'm fine," I said as calmly as I could manage, the blush was growing, I could feel my cheeks get hot as I tried desperately not to remember the dream sensation of his mouth on mine. I gulped, "I... I had some very vivid dreams last night, and I guess I didn't sleep so well." "Oh? I hope they were good dreams, at least?" He replied. I couldn't help the smile that crept on to my lips as I remembered my dream, "Looks like they were." I looked in my lap, trying to restrain the blush that was steadily burning my cheeks. Oh god it was so embarrassing, as if he could see what I'd dreamt about him in my face! I tried to keep my hands away from his on the mix desk, just grazing his fingers was making it difficult for me. Whenever he got up he'd pat me on the shoulder or something, carelessly touching me, it was the most exquisite agony, and I think I blushed for at least 12 hours that day. The next day was a little easier, but it was my turn in the booth, and singing about loving a man as my equal and seeing him behind the mix desk with a technician nearly killed me. In the end my voice started to go from the tension I was feeling and I had to take 5 and go take a moment in the ladies room. I think someone must have worried about me because my agent showed up and came into the ladies room. I didn't think I'd been in there long. "Okay level with me, what is going on?" He asked straight out, I looked up at him and I thought I was going to cry, "Oh shit, is it that bad?" "It's the nerves, he's my idol, it was fine and then I had a dream about him and now I can barely look at the guy!" I replied emptying my soul in the ladies bathroom. "What do you want me to do?" He asked, looking at me like a concerned parent. I put my head in my hands, what did I want to do? I had no idea, all I knew for sure was I wanted to do this track with Yoongi, I didn't want him to think I was a weirdo. "Nothing," I said my head still in my hands, "I just have to get a grip and be a professional! I can't let my personal feelings get in the way of my music or his career!" "Good girl!" He said an patted my arm in a pathetic kind of way, "I'll get out of your way, come out when you're ready!" I don't know what he told Yoongi or the crew but when I came out Yoongi was looking at me, as if he were concerned about me, but he smiled when he saw I was looking at him. I went back in the booth and finished my singing part. It was a bit easier after that, except I caught Yoongi looking at me with an puzzled expression on his face a couple of times. The next day I got in early, I guess I wanted to make up for the mini meltdown I'd had the day before, I listened to what we'd done the day before, it was good. I made coffee, talked to one of the technicians, planned out what we might do to that day. The morning was nearly gone but Yoongi was no where to be seen. I started to worry. Had I put him off? Had he changed his mind about recording with me? Had I, without knowing it, scared him off? I spent the next few hours trying to be professional, trying to focus on my music, trying to work and not to worry about him or why he might be late. I was really feeling lost without him there, would I be able to finish my album when I'd finished recording with him? A million different things kept running through my head and I was just about to call my agent when Yoongi walked through the door. "I'm sorry," he said, looking sheepishly at me, "I had to see my doctor. I... I had a dream... and you... you were in it. It was a good dream, but I needed to talk to someone before I saw you." A dream, oh shit! What kind of dream?! I tried to smile, but my thoughts were running wild. The day continued on pretty much as any day would, except I noticed that Yoongi didn't touch the mix desk when I did or pat me on the shoulder when he wanted to tell me he liked the music. In fact all the careless touches stopped, I felt so bereft, I'd gotten so used to his caresses, even though they were unintentional. It made me feel lonely, as if we'd dated and then broken up. It got worse, the next day when he was recording his rap, rapping about how his woman was fierce and how much respect he had for her and I made an excuse and left the recording room. I don't why, but it hurt to think he wasn't talking about me. I felt like a newly heartbroken ex-girlfriend, not a co-creator or collaborator. "Are you alright?" He asked when I came back from the ladies again and he'd finished recording. He searched my face concerned, I smiled bravely and looked into his beautiful eyes, how I didn't die I have no idea! "Yes, thanks, I'm fine," I lied. "Oh, okay," he said awkwardly his hands dropping to his sides. I wanted to kiss him so badly then, wanted to tell him that I was falling in love with him and that I didn't know how I was going to carry on recording when he wasn't with me anymore. But he walked off into the coffee room, and left me standing outside the recording booth. I thought I was going to cry then. I don't how I stood it, seeing him every day, realizing how much I wanted to be with him and not being able to, it was the most beautifully painful thing I think I've ever experienced so far in my life. A few days went by, it was the weekend and we'd decided to come in on the Saturday to finish the track, edit it and piece it all together. We'd worked pretty much all day, we had a quiet lunch in the coffee room with the technicians, then about 3pm they left and it was pretty much just Suga and me, and a receptionist who had the keys to lock up with, who was at reception. It was late and we'd just finished the track, it was excellent, it really was, I was so pleased with it and it dawned on me that this was the last time I'd see him. Even if we promoted it together, it'd never be just us again, any music videos or press junkets we would be surrounded by people. I started to cry, I didn't mean to, it just came without warning and I turned away from him in my chair to hide my tears. "Fxxk it!" I heard him say and he spun my chair around and took me by the shoulders and kissed me. Hot and hard, and passionate and I stopped caring and just kissed him back as hard as he kissed me. It was spicy and sexy and so so sweet. I didn't want to stop. I want to keep kissing him forever. He pulled me away for a second and looked at me. "You kissed back?!" He said surprised. I giggled, I couldn't help it, he looked so in awe that I'd kissed him back. I nodded, biting my bottom lip my face warm from kissing, "I thought you weren't interested in me!" I started laughing then, I couldn't stop, I'd been agonizing pretty much from the day I met him, and then after the dream my agonies just got worse, and then he'd stopped touching me and I'd felt broken. Now he was acting as if I'd been the one who'd stopped. "You..." I said mock tapping him on the arm, "I'm the stupid fangirl whose spent days holding in my desires and here you are acting as if it was the opposite way around. Why did you think I had a melt down in the ladies? I'd had a really hot dream about you the night before and then I had to come in and not imagine you kissing me every time I looked at you or you brushed my hand on the mix desk!" "You had a dream about me? I told you I had one about you! I went to my counselor because I didn't know what it meant that I'd had a sexy dream about you!" He said, "That's why I was late! I thought you were hot from the day we met, and then you turned out to be a badass too who was serious about music and I respected you too. Every single day I wanted you more, and then when I thought I might tell you how I felt, if I could look at you while I was recording the rap, you disappeared." "I disappeared because I couldn't bare to hurt while you rapped about the woman you respected and loved and it not be me!" I replied, "then I realized tonight I was never going to see you again and started crying." "I just thought you were sick of me, but I couldn't go without kissing you at least once, even if you didn't respond," he said. I was in his arms by then, I'd gone from total misery to absolute ecstasy in one kiss. I looked up at him and pulled his face down to mine, and kissed him again. Hotter and harder this time, his tongue tasting mine, I won't tell you what happens after that, it's enough to let you know that we left the recording studio and ended up at my tiny apartment. The next few days were crazy, i met the guys and we spent a lot more time together, he helped me with the rest of my album and I hoped he'd never ever leave me again, at least not in his heart.

#bts suga #bts yoongi #bts scenarios #fanfic #my wriitng

6 notes · View notes

sandriinehebert · 4 years

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Date: July 1st 2014 Location: Adamo Lombardi’s apartment in Boston. Trigger Warning: Super short mentions of death/grief, Adamo being a decent person (!!!). Notes: This is kinda from her brother’s point of view? Ish? I really wanted to dig deeper in their good moments, so have some pointless fluff between these little pieces of maple syrup taffy. You can click on the song titles to listen to them if you want! Also, this got super long but that’s my brand and everyone knows that by now. ily all <3

“I invited you to move out with me, not to make my ears bleed, you tiny monster.”

Sandrine’s head appeared from the mountain of boxes piled up around her. Her glare was icy and she could swear she almost noticed lasers coming out of her eyes. “How dare you insult Lana Del Rey? She’s is the best thing that happened to the music industry since Britney Spears.”

“Go back to your country!” Adamo threatened playfully as his sister repeated Fucked My Way Up to The Top for the hundredth time on the tiny radio she insisted on squeezing somewhere in her luggages. She insisted on bringing this and her entire collection of CDs, although he promised he’d show her how to use iTunes. He gave up when she could not even spot which app it was on her phone.

“Don’t pretend like I didn’t see you shake your booty to West Coast earlier.” She poked her tongue out.

“Why do you even like her? You’re not dating rich grandpas and you’ve never done weed. You can’t relate to her music at all.”

“I relate to the esthétique.”

“Aesthetic. Geez, you gotta work on your accent. How are you supposed to learn Bostonian slang if you can’t even speak English?”

They called for a truce when she threw him a scrunched up ball of newspaper she used to stuff the boxes, reaching her target easily. They decided to switch the music to Young the Giant’s latest album as they unpacked the rest of their belongings. They did not miss their chance of screaming Mind Over Matter at the top of their lungs either. Adamo had only gotten his hands on the beautiful loft. It was located downtown, in a young and hip area of Boston. It was quite the ride from the arena the Bruins used to practice and train, but he enjoyed to be in the middle of the action. It almost reminded him of Montréal. The loft was gigantic for a single man. Everything was white or stainless silver. It lacked of personality. It was lifeless, much like his previous apartment when his parents or his sister did not visit him.

When she talked to him about her plans to visit Massachussetts on her own, an idea popped in his mind. She had been wasting her money over all of these crappy hotel rooms for way too long, and he happened to need help unpacking and settling down in his new home. He killed two birds with one stone and offered Alessandra to be his roommate. When they were younger, they dreamed of moving in together. They had their whole thing set up: they would buy the house right next to their parents’ and live like adults, unless it was dinner time or they had laundry to do. Then, they would only have to travel back to mom’s and dad’s and not deal with any boring responsabilities. Their dream died the day he got his offer to join Boston’s hockey team, and, although he hated to admit it, he regretted breaking Sandrine’s heart and illusion of their perfect roommate life.

Soon enough, everything was set into place. The only thing missing was the furniture. All they had was a big mattress, a television, an oven and a fridge. The rest was supposed to be delivered the next day. And that was because Alessandra noticed Adamo confused the delivery dates and argued with the representants until they agreed to fix the situation. She did not fail to remind him how essential she was to his existence. To which he agreed.

God knew how much he loved his sister — worse, how much he needed her. When he moved out of Canada, he felt empty inside. It was like someone stole a piece of his heart and never put it back. He had no one to pour cereal for in the morning, even though he bought several boxes of her favorite ones just by habit. He had no one to comfort during a thunderstorm, knowing how terrified it made her and that she only fell asleep if he held her close. He had no one to cook with at two in the morning when he craved cupcakes, as she made the best ones he ever tasted. He had no one to go to when girls broke his heart, no one to cheer him up, no one to cheer up either. He no longer saw her skate, or helped her for that matter. He ignored what she was up to while they were so used to sneaking some little notes into class in High School just to make sure everything was fine. He had no one to go out with, as none of his new friends compared to Sandrine. She was lively, bubbly, she was filled with kindness and naivety. She understood him better than everyone else. Alessandra was his other half, his much, much better half.

Losing his sister was one of the worst moments of his life. It happened so many years ago and still, the pain was still sharp. And the guilt? Even more hurtful. She did not want to let go of him at the airport when their parents drove him there. She made a whole scene, to the point security guards had to pull them apart. She was crying and kicking and fighting to run back to him, and she escaped from the guards’ grip enough times that Christian, their father, had to pull her by the arm and force her back to the car. She was so feisty, she could win any fights on the ice like those stupid players who pretended they were Rocky Balboa. He tried to be the most mature one, to act tough and pretend he would be finally liberated without his little annoying sister, but he could not fight the tears as he got on the plane.

And there she was again. The soulmates were back together, but something felt so different. There was a distance between them, both emotional and physical. She went to University, she grew up as an individual, her dreams changed. But she remained the same flawless human being he protected all his life. And him? Sometimes he did not even know who he was anymore. Since he refused to let her sleep directly on the floor and gave her the mattress, which he put in the bedroom, they were on both ends of the loft. Instead, he used his old camping sleeping bag and stared at the moon through the window. Yet, he could still hear her roll over on the mattress. He heard the sound of choked sobbing.

Adam could not support it. It was like the dagger piercing through his heart came back around and tore him apart. He stood up to look through the open boxes and found a pink stuffed bunny. He remembered when he bought it at Toys R Us, twenty something years ago when his parents announced him they were expecting a little baby. He named her Rosie, because his sister reminded him of a rose. She was fragile like the petals, yet strong and resistant like the thorns.

“I cried so much when I moved here the first time, I had to put my pillow in the dryer every night... For three months.” Adam confessed with a small grin, as he leaned on the doorframe of the room Sandrine was sleeping in. He kept the bunny in his hands, watching it closely. She kept it in pristine condition. It looked the same as when his stupid three years-old self chose it in the store.

She sniffed soundly, hiding her head under her old Barbie themed bed sheets that she brought, knowing very well he forgot to buy her a set. “Yeah, right. The only thing you cried for was when you thought Marie-Mai was dating the singer of Simple Plan in that music video and not you.”

“Ouch, that’s a tough throwback for my ego.”

He heard a timid wave of laughter coming from the coccoon. He decided to kneel beside her, waving the stuffed animal near her until she dared to give a look outside.

“I’m such a child — .”

“No.” Adam cut her off before she started her routine of insults and guilt. He hated when she did that, when she did not believe she was worth all the treasures in the world. “You are the most mature person I have ever met.” A pair of suspicious eyebrows appeared from under the covers. “Tu m’as manquée.”

She did not recall the last time he told her he missed her. He stopped opening up about his feelings to be more like his hockey teammates, stupid, douchey and gross. And ever since that moment, she felt as if she was blood related to a complete stranger.

“Come on, get up on your short legs. I’ll make you some chocolat chaud.”

She could not resist his offer and followed him, hugging him from behind and struggling to keep up with his wide steps. She teasingly wiped her eyes on his shirt and stained it, knowing he hated when she used to do that. “I feel so alone.”

“Me too.”

“Mamie left us...” Even though she tried her very hardest, she still could not get over her grandmother passing away. Corinna was the glue to their family, and nobody knew where they would be today if it was not of this lady who sacrificed so much for her loved ones. “And then you left me.” She let the warmth of the cup of warm milk and cocoa powder dry her tears, well, metaphorically speaking. “I have nobody. I am lonely.”

He wrapped her in his arms, resting his head on top of hers. He almost forgot how small she was, yet, she was stronger and stood above everybody else. Her heart was bigger than every Bostonian citizens’ combined. He hated himself for being the one who broke it that day in the airport.

“You’re not lonely anymore.” He said the words, almost like a promise. It was a dangerous promise, one he already knew he could not keep. “We’ll get through this.” Adamo spoke softly into her ear. “Together.”

“Together, forever.”

@devinstonerpg

#devinstone.task #devinstone.task003 #tasks.#biography.

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jessicakehoe · 5 years

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One Writer Unpacks Her Undying Love for Takashi Murakami Louis Vuitton Bags

The early 2000s were engulfed in an epidemic of low rise pants, worn-out Ugg boots and Ed Hardy clothes. Though many look back on the early aughts as one of the worst decades fashion has ever borne witness to (evidenced by headlines like “15 Trends From the Early 2000s You Wouldn’t be Caught Dead In Today” and “29 Trends We Loved In The ’00s That Look Terrible Now”), I have nothing but respect for the era that brought us endless paparazzi pictures of Paris Hilton with a venti Starbucks latte in one hand, Teacup Chihuahua in the other. Perhaps this reverence stems from the fact that at the time, I was still caught up in playing with Polly Pockets – I was born in 2002 –so everything from that era struck me as grown-up and impossibly cool. If it were socially acceptable, I would show up to work every day in a Juicy Couture tracksuit and a Von Dutch trucker hat.

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But one item of early aughts fashion still captivates my imagination more than any other: the Takashi Murakami x Louis Vuitton bags. Emblazoned with voluptuous cartoon cherries and rainbow monogram drizzled on conrasting backgrounds, they demonstrated that high fashion didn’t have to take itself, well, so seriously. Upon the release of the collection in 2002, the bags, shoes and accessories made their way onto the shoulders of just about every 00’s icon — and subsequently, the wishlist of every preteen girl who worshipped them. Though I was stroller-bound when the collection first appeared, something about the bags make me want to smile, and say ‘That’s hot’ with every exhale.

Marc Jacobs, Louis Vuitton’s creative director at the time, described the collection as a “monumental marriage between art and business.”In 2018, Murakami admitted that he had never heard of Louis Vuitton until the collaboration, and only agreed to do it after one of his assistants suggested that “ Louis Vuitton is one of the dreams of Japanese women.”

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Although the artist had previously collaborated with designers such as Issey Miyake, Takashi Murakami’s reinterpretation of Vuitton bags helped lay the groundwork for today’s flourishing collaboration culture.The fusion of the art world with the fashion world also paved the way for artists like Sylvie Fleury, Yayoi Kusama and Jeff Koons to create their own artistic interpretations of what a Louis Vuitton bag could be.

I can directly trace my current obsession with handbags back to 2002, when the kid-friendly Murakami patterns were first released. I have early memories of rummaging through my mother’s closet to “borrow” her white Multicolore Speedy 30, and running back into my room to admire myself in the mirror totally convinced I was Hannah Montana. (All while the soundtrack to High School Musical played off of my pink Sony CD player in the background.) As I got older, I dreamed of one day walking into the LV store and purchasing a piece from this collection for myself. I imagined it as a milestone of adulthood, marking financial independence and an abundance of disposable income.

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But in 2015, my childhood dream of one day purchasing a Murakami bag was suddenly crushed. The brand discontinued the line two years after Marc Jacobs left his post as creative director, and the accessories vanished from stores across the globe. Louis Vuitton refused to comment on the decision to pull the line, issuing a statement they would like to “look forward.”

If the nostalgia that one feels towards a particular item trumps its current status of trendiness, then it should by all means be worn with pride and dignity.

Though many early 2000s handbags have experiences a resurgene of interest thanks to strategic reissues – the Dior saddle bag, the Fendi baguette — the LV rainbow monogram hasn’t quite hit the nostalgia cycle yet. (Though Kylie Jenner, Travis Scott and Bella Hadid have been spotted carrying the bags, and last Christmas Kim Kardashian sourced 8 of the bags from Japan to give to her cousins as gifts.) But to me, ever-changing trends are not the point of fashion. I prefer to think of fashion as centered around emotional connections to style and culture, and if the nostalgia that one feels towards a particular item trumps its current status of trendiness, then it should by all means be worn with pride and dignity.

Photography via instagram.com/kimkardashian

When Mary-Kate Olsen was photographed toting a beaten and bruised lime-green Balenciaga Motorcycle bag in 2016, complete with red lipstick stains smudged along the bottom, purse forums erupted with mixed reactions. Some people admired the fact that she had brought a handbag bag out of her closet so many years later, and others were quick to say that she was off-trend and out of touch with style. But I like to imagine it was this sense of nostalgia that drove her to pull it out of her closet again.

As I type this, I have about 10 tabs featuring eBay watchlists for a Multicolore LV Speedy open on my computer. I am drenched in sadness that this collection is no longer. But recently, a sliver of hope came to me in the form of Louis Vuitton’s recently inaugurated creative director for menswear, Virgil Abloh. Abloh is a close friend of Takashi Murakami, since both of them designed for Kanye West, and all three have collaborated with one another in some way. “Takashi and I are extremely aware of the era we’re living in, and we’re constantly trying to translate it into our work. This is what brought us together,” he once told Vogue.

Here’s hoping there’s a possibility my rainbow, cherry-laced dreams could one day come true.

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yearnin-for-some-learnin · 7 years

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Gameography

TIMELINE :

Age 2-3

- my earliest memories are of being a toddler, dancing in my grandmother’s livingroom with my siblings and cousins to the Country Classics Music Station on the satellite. Many of my fondest and earliest memories involve singing, holding my grandmas face as she would sing “My Wild Irish Rose” to me, my Aunt Margi and Aunt Nancy dancing and singing me to so that i would finally tire out and nap, my grandpa singing along with the TV in his growling, big old bear voice and making us laugh, my dad playing his guitar and singing with my mom while we danced around and sang to our baby brother and baby cousin.

Age 5

- I remember playing duck duck goose in preschool. We also partook in many dramatic activities where we would sing songs about goblins and creep around the preschool gym, laughing as we surprised one another. Much of the play or schoolwork that we completed contained varying forms of mimesis in a very basic form, as we rhymed along with, copied the facial expressions of, and memorized class songs along with the teacher.

- my grandmother and Aunt Nancy rapidly collect Disney movies for ‘the kids’ (my two siblings and i, as well as my two younger cousins), and my grandfather has to build a large cabinet to be able to fit them all. Even now, 15 years later, it is bursting at the seams, but it was especially helpful for my cousin James, who has Asperger’s syndrome and found relief in the familiarity and creativity of Disney movies. He is now an expert on them, and none of us can win a game of Disney trivia with him.

- At home, we bond with my dad over learning to play Donkey Kong Country, Super Bonk, and Mortal Kombat on my father’s SNES (Super Nintendo Entertainment System). We practiced patience in taking turns and waiting for our turns, as there were only 2 controllers for 3 children to use.

Age 6

- We receive a “Hit-Clip” for the first time, a small toy with interchangeable clips that played 20 seconds or so of disney songs. We also received singing “Princess and the Pauper” Barbie Dolls after watching the movie a thousand times, and lmy sister and I oved to dance and sing along with them

- We learn to play Candyland, Sorry!, and Uno in boardgame/cardgame form, and later learn to play the CD Rom versions of Lego games on our home computer.

- I ask my father to buy me a pink violin for my birthday “from the Pink Violin Store, duh, Dad” but to no avail

- my aunts and grandmother purchase a pool for us to play in for the summer months, and some of our fondest memories are of playing in my grandmothers yard, surrounded by wildflowers and becoming one with nature

- though we had been fishing with my fourth-generation fisherman grandfather on his charter boat since we were just wee babes, these are the earliest memories i have of walking around on the boat. We learn to play games with the fish as we wiggle our lines to entice them, beckoning them to snatch our hooks, and on the way back home to shore, my grandfather puts a few of the minnows we had used as bait into a bucket so that we can chase them and see whos reflexes are fast enough to capture one.

- We are shown various movies at this age: Spiderman, The Hulk, the entireties of the Indiana Jones and Starwars series, snippets of the Lord of the Rings every once in a while. Looking back, i realize that these were not movies that should have been shown to children as young as we were. I remember that my brother had very vivid dreams of Golum and would wake in the night sweating and fearful, which made my mother angry and sad. My father was coming from a good place in wanting to share with us the films he loved the most, and he was never really taught what an accurate idea of child appropriate content was on his own. It was the result of a few arguments between my parents, as we just wanted to be involved in something that, from our perspective, had been very elusive, while my mother worked hard to keep it that way.

Age 8

- we are taught how to play the game ‘octopus’ in gym class, and it is one of the few physical activity exercises that i enjoy because of how silly we were allowed to be. I had a strong distaste for competitive classmates who would harm one another over foolish games, so this was welcome fun for me!

- we also get to play with the multicoloured ‘parachute’ when our teacher brings us out in the sunshine to play around this time, and we all laugh and giggle as we practice teamwork and constructive criticism by ensuring that everyone is placed appropriately on the parachute so as not to let all of the air escape. We become connected uniquely as we sit in wonder at something we are all proud of accomplishing, stuck in a small little world of our own that no one else can understand, even if only for a moment. It is likely an event that provided me with a strong sense of connection to my classmates, and something which prevented me from hitting a few of them in later years when they lost all of their manners and kindness. There were some reaaaal morons in my class.

Age 9

- my father teaches me to play guitar. My siblings watch on as i practice again and again, wondering why i continued to keep playing if the sounds that i was creating didnt sound even slightly as pretty as dad’s playing, but it teaches me true patience. You cannot simply sit down and know how to play, you have to teach your hands where to go when you want them to go there, and the only way to do that is to practice, put it down when you get frustrated, and come back with determination after you’ve cooled off. I believe that it is part of the reason that I am able to practice such patience.

Age 10

- my father buys a PlayStation that we play when we visit his house. I love a game called Sly Cooper about a pick-pocketing raccoon, that one day, i play it until it makes me so motion sick that i have to run to the bathroom and throw up. I learn how to pay attention to my body when i am using technology and not to ignore my limits.

Age 11

- We learn to play Skip-Bo with my Aunts at Christmas time, continuing their tradition of card playing, shrimp eating, and toasting to the New Year. Being invited to ‘The Big Kid Table” makes us feel proud and mature, as though we have earned our place there, and it boosts our confidence, allowing us to feel sneaky and serious like professional card players.

Age 13

- We get a Wii game station, and learn to play different games more actively. Again, we are taught to share actively among ourselves, and to work together to accomplish the tasks assigned by the robot that is plugged into our TV. We love the creativity of creating our own ‘Mii’ characters, and would sometimes just sit and create the goofiest ones we could think of instead of play any games.

- We are also introduced to Facebook and Tumblr around this time. Until this time, our only digital play was through online Lego games, and through chatting with our school friends over Windows Live Messenger, so with this new freedom, we are thrilled to find entertainment that suits our own personalities, whilst also learning how to avoid predators and untrustworthy people online

Age 15

- I receive my first Ukulele for Christmas and begin to form an interest in learning other interests. I find one day that i am still slightly saddened that i havent yet learned to play the violin, and i become curious about learning to play a type of handheld flute called an Ocarina

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anatomiedunfantome · 7 years

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Balance

What is balance? is it being able to juggle a job, 2 children with 2 different schedules, bills, car maintenance, a love life and self care all at once? because if so i may be on the heavier side of the scale. I looked at my mothers facebook today. I saw blurry selfies, an old picture of what used to be my family, meaning my children and their stepbrother, some more blurry photos of my sisters and lots and lots of Jesus propaganda. From this fb profile you would never guess what this woman was capable of. From this face book profile you see a god fearing woman who is grateful for her children, for her grand children and for life itself.

From this facebook profile i see a facade. i see a sick woman who has found the most appropriate platform to rebuild herself and present herself as she wishes to be seen. Pretty, warm, great color contrast and the right details will make any living room the family tv sitcom we see on a television. My home, my clothes, my hair had just that. Very well taken care of on the outside, but on the inside, cold, scared, lifeless. At 8 years old i found myself waiting. Always waiting. Would she come out of her room today? would she feed me today? if i knocked would i receive a response? if i broke in through the sliding door would i find her again naked with one of my abusers? or would a glass cup come hurdling towards my skull. id rather wait then to find out. My days would be spent flipping back and forth through television stations, disney channel, cartoon network, nickelodeon, mtv if i was feeling edgy. If i was hungry id rummage through the fridge and see what i could find but mostly survived off snack packs, untoasted bread with butter, and hardly boiled eggs. I loved playing with my barbie dolls, creating dramatic worlds like id seen on tv. id always have one doll be the victim, and thered always be a boy to understand, to save her if you will, from her own thoughts, from her abuse. Sometimes id get really bored and start looking through drawers, cabinets, closets, bags anything really. id read everything i could, books, labels, cd covers. My mom hadnt caught me at this point and id discovered some old vhs tapes with the title scratched off. It was maurice sendaks’ most loved stories in cartoon form sung by carole king. this vhs, and his stories to this day are extremely soothing to me. Among one of my explorations i found a Linkin Park CD and a cd player. Definitley was going through my brothers things. I ran to my room and i remember being afraid to play it. i was afraid that it would be the scariest thing i ever heard, demons or people screaming and dying. i cant tell you why i felt that way but thats what i felt. when i finally mustered up the courage to listen i couldnt believe it. i couldnt believe that someone else in this entire world had felt what i felt. alone, scared, sad, angry. He had so much to say and every word correlated with how i felt about my mother. i would listen to “hybrid theory” over and over on repeat, mouthing the words in my room, imagining i was screaming them at her face. I would find myself crying out for my father, for my brother, for God. Wondering what i had done to deserve what i had been dealt. I wondered why, if i had been so well behaved, she still hated me. i wondered why and how my brother could leave me alone with her. Or where my father was. and if he had loved me so much why hadnt he taken me with him. why did everyone leave me alone with this person who so obviously couldnt stand me. Every now and then shed come out of her room and id smell food and id hear Brenton Wood singing, and i would crawl into the hall to peak out and see if it was real. If she was there. Her response was never the same. Sometimes warm, sometimes shed pretend she was on a cooking show like Ina Garten or Paula deen, and begin to tell me how to make what she was making. Other times, shed spot me and id receive threats.” That room better be clean or im gonna kick your ass!” “Hija de su chingada madre, you came in here and ate all the fucking bread and the butter” “how have you been walking around this house and not cleaned anything up you son of a bitch”. SOmetimes shed be on cleaning binges and i was forced to help, and recieve beatings with the remote (her favorite) a sandal or whatever was near for something as small as scuffed shoes or trash under my bed. No matter the reaction i received i always remained quiet Shed still have her parties and id still have uninvited guests in my room. Or her guests would sit and bounce me on their lap even tho i was much too old for it, nobody ever stopped them. nobody ever said it was inappropriate. My mother had a boyfriend, George. George had come and gone from life quite a bit and he was my favorite of all her boyfriends. I loved him. he spoke mainly spanish and he would listen to me ramble and watch me play. hed buy me taco bell and take me for walks. At one point i expressed to my mother that i loved him and i wanted him to be my father. Her expression was startled. As a grown woman i could tell you that George wasnt smart. he was very air headed and a drunk.He was raised in cartel country mexico. the last time i spoke to him i was 16 and he revealed to me that my mother had accused him of being in my bed with me. My life was shattered that night. i had never turned around. i would never look to see who it was. it became so normal to me that sometimes id sleep through and think they were dreams. George had abused me too. My mom had married this man and she became pregnant with my sister. At some point during this time my brother was released and i remember them speaking in hushed tones about him staying at our house due to confrontations between him and his father. When my brother came back i was so desperate to be loved and accepted by him. id shown him the cd i found, id shown him the clothes i was wearing that were his, and i could feel the distance. I honestly had wanted things to go back to “normal”, abuse included. Soon enough the abuse did come back tho not as strong, more lap bouncing, once even in front of my mother for a substantial period of time. My mother was pregnant and emotional and maybe she just wanted her family together as a whole, no matter how torn up we were inside. We had many adventures with my brother. He was a funny guy, probably still is. very silly and has a beautiful smile.Hed say the most clever things and have us holding our sides from laughing so hard. Somewhere along this pregnancy my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. i remember the adults discussing it and my brother attempting to explain it to me tho i cant recall what he said other than shes sick. Soon after there was an argument and my brother was screaming and my mother was screaming and things were being thrown and george was just watching. I remember my brother screaming “ I FUCKING HATE YOU” and walking out of the house. My mom would take me on endless searches for my brother, calling his friends, his ex girlfriends, driving to each friends home and making me get off the car and beg my abuser to come back and see that she was a good person. she would prompt me on exactly what to say before exiting the car just like she had done in mexico each time i visited my father. but thats another story for another post. When we would find my brother he would come out, with tears in his eyes and his teeth clenched. he would tell me he loved me and ask my mother what she wanted as calmly as possible. she would cry and babble not really knowing what to say i assume. and he would leave he would never come back with us. I would go home to more hatred more of her screaming at me and at george. her drinking became violent, shed push and instigate physical confrontations “hit me puto” she would say “fucking hit me”. i was always used as a tool for her “this is what you want fucker, for my baby to see this! he raped me!” she would scream “he raped me!” and george would always try to calm her down. ive only seen him give in to her violence once or twice, hiting her and then crying. She probably had his simple mind so emotionally fucked just like she had mine and my brothers. These fights happened often and continued to happen often through out my childhood. I hated seeing her like that and i never knew who to defend. What is balance? i know lows, i know the lowest of lows. and i know highs. Highs are much more brief, but in between, what is that?

#balance #abuse #motherdaughter #alone #depression #relatable #young adult #perspective

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mandimormon-blog · 7 years

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5 To-Do Lists, You Can’t Live Without

Where have I been? Well, blogging world, I’ll tell you where I’ve been… not here. Not here because a few shorts week ago, I acquired an adorable little notebook. In my handy dandy notebook (yes, I’ve used this Blue’s Clues reference half a dozen times, *yawn*) I make to-do lists. Plural. I’m absolutely obsessed with to-do lists. I like the sense of accomplishment you get from placing a check-mark on the paper next to the job completed. If I’m having a good day, I’ll even put a circle around that check-mark. If my day isn’t as positive, I will scribble the words out on the line ferociously, while scrunching up my nose.

I had read once to avoid becoming overwhelmed or stressed, your to-do list should consist of three things. Then after accomplishing those three things, make a new list of just three things. Homie don’t play that game. Homie is an overachiever.

At the beginning of the week, I had roughly 32 items on my “priority to-do list” and if you’re wondering why I’ve coined this a thing it’s because those items have to be done, there’s not waiting until the last minute, I need to rock them out. Sometimes I’ll create an “Advanced Planning to-do List” and I’ll jump around and give myself a window of completion. Procrastination eats me alive. I’m not saying I never procrastinate, I do, A LOT. I’m just saying it’s unnatural for me to procrastinate without having that feeling you get that’s kind of like impending doom.

Oh, allow me to add, on my beautifully printed “priority to-do list” I added a small box in my right column and added the header, “ALLEN” to it. That’s my husband’s name. I created him a priority list, too, so he didn’t feel left out, of course. I will blame it on the fact he told me he wouldn’t buy me a saw. He doesn’t trust me with one. But I always have this puffed up, I-can-take-on-the-world-feeling when I leave Hobby Lobby, so I requested one. My request was denied.

Blogging has fallen off of my Sunday Priority List, even considering Sunday is my “day of rest” that I usually do a bare minimum if anything. My computer has changed the method in which it uploads my camera roll, now, too. So, the ease no longer exists. Instead it throws all of my photos onto the date they were captured and since I can’t remember was happened 24 minutes ago, I’m not having much luck remembering what happened almost three weeks ago.

I do, however, have one little note in my iPhone. It reads:

Before my oldest daughter, Reis, tells everyone (that would be her fifth grade class and “squad”…. A tennis instructor, piano teacher, grandmother, Sunday School Teacher, church friends, the mail lady, anyone who happens to be near her at the moment of remembrance) about me. Yes, me.. her mother, the idiot. I thought I would beat her to the punch. (But I didn’t.)

I still have my prepositions memorized. Yes, I can basically rap or auctioneer those darn words, at lightning speed. Over the week of the 15th, I had a great time helping my fifth grader out with memorizing those words, impressing myself mostly, due to my impeccable memorization skills.

One evening, immediately after studying, just before saying our family prayer together, I was still jotting things down in my handy-dandy notebook, and as I was doing this I reiterated the fact I still had these words memorized from 7th Grade, Mrs. Smith’s class. Then, I tried doing the math.

On the bottom of the page, I scribbled out to the side 2017 minus 1999 jotted my answer down and said to her, without the slightest hesitation, I blurted, “See! 28 years ago.”

Instantly, from across the hallway in my other daughter’s room I hear, “Wow. You really can’t do Math. Can you?” (That was my husband, obviously eavesdropping on my conversation with my oldest daughter.)

Reis began laughing uncontrollably (seriously), “Yeah, Mom! 28 years ago you were two. Did you memorize them then?” The laughter continued.

I’m pretty sure I stared at her like that emoji with the line straight across, eyes open. :- |

“I meant 18.” I said with a little bit of attitude because no one likes to be picked on. Am I right? Still, no one in my household cared and they cared even less that I still had in my memory bank from 18 years ago, every darn one of those prepositions. They only cared that I couldn’t subtract.

After the laughter began to die down, Reis asked me to remove my paper from my notebook. I ripped it out and handed it to her. She carefully folded the paper in half and put it into her messenger bag. “I’m taking this to school tomorrow to prove how horrible you are at Math.”

It may be 12:59 a.m. and I’m writing a blog in the first hour of Wednesday, but let’s face it, with my to-do lists, and our two-week Spring Break, I haven’t had a lot of extra free or me time. I hear from a lot of strangers, “Two weeks for Spring Break? Wow, that must be nice!”

Ummm…..

I love my children, I love them to the moon and back. I would do anything for my children. I like to support them in all of their endeavors and be there for them as their cheerleader. I love to have teaching moments with them and observe them. Each of them are so different and unique but I love them all with my whole heart.

However, a two-week Spring Break without any real travel plans and with Mother Nature’s temperament has been a challenge, to say the least. Sure, if you’re sitting on a beach somewhere south of here where it’s 20 degrees + warmer with your children, I’m sure that sunshine is adding a sparkle to your day. The sun did not even come out today, not once, and yesterday it came out for a millisecond.

Our schedule is just off. It’s off because if we begin getting something together, (which believe it or not with only 5 days left of the 13 day break, we are… finally) it will be back to school, again.

The first day or two, our youngest two did about 16 laps in 3 minute around the couch and bar. Did I mention Jude had his “ninja stick” in his hand? Yep. I didn’t know who’s eye was gonna get it that day. Remi? Jude? Mine? Who knew?

Productivity was what was needed to keep our house in order. I don’t mean watching six hours non-stop of Stampy Cat on YouTubeKids. If you have younger kids you may know exactly what I’m talking about. The obnoxious laugh? The Minecraft tutorial? This wasn’t an option for me in my childhood. The closest thing to that I had was when I was in upper elementary and it was called a Giga Pet I got from KB Toys, ironically on the Village Mall where the Humane Society sets up shop, now. My Giga Pet died all of the time, if it lived longer than a day, it was a miracle from above.

This past weekend, we did a little inventory magic. In Remi’s bedroom sits my 3 foot tall Barbie doll house from when I was younger. Inside of this house and a canvas hamper specifically for toys, were Barbies. Lots and lots of Barbies. I told both girls, they were to remove all of the dolls, and figure out which ones they didn’t play with or would like to donate. Then they were to count the dolls, and select 20 of their favorites to keep out. The rest would be stored inside a tote and they could change them out, during the year. Lo and beyond, the girls counted 62 Barbies (not even including the baby or Kelly-sized dolls). 62. We aren’t excessive buyers. You have to believe me when I tell you that.

They’ve acquired several as gifts and even more from my mother. She allowed the girls to take home dolls that were mine when I was a little girl. I loved my dolls and played with them for hours and hours, probably because Stampy Cat wasn’t an option, like I said. My sister and I each had our own doll house in our basement, and I remember plugging in my AM/FM Radio / Alarm / CD Player, and they would have dance competitions. I usually would have them perform to “Movie Luv”. I have a feeling anyone reading this will enjoy this playlist from Movie Luv:

1. (I've Had) The Time Of My Life (Dirty Dancing) - Bill Medley And Jennifer Warnes

2. A Whole New World (Aladdin's Theme) (Aladdin) - Peabo Bryson And Regina Belle

3. Take My Breath Away (Top Gun) - Berlin

4. Colors Of The Wind (Pocahontas) - Vanessa Williams

5. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) {Benny And Joon} - The Proclaimers

6. I'd Die Without You (Boomerang) - P.M. Dawn

7. Gangsta's Paradise (Dangerous Minds) - Coolio

8. Stay (I Missed You) (Reality Bites) - Lisa Loeb And Nine Stories

9. Unchained Melody (Ghost) - The Righteous Brothers

10. It Must Have Been Love (Pretty Woman) - Roxette

11. I Don't Wanna Fight (What's Love Got To Do With..) - Tina Turner

12. Can You Feel The Love Tonight (The Lion King) - Elton John

This was actually one of the first CD’s I ever owned. I remember going to a slumber party and listening to LeeAnn Rimes “Blue” and Spice Girls “Wannabe” and I begged my parents for a CD player. I needed this kind of music in my life. I even remember staring at the square compact disc case wrapped in plastic, after shopping at Hills. Life was grand. I was probably close to Reis’s age, at that time. The closest thing I had to an iPhone or iPod was Dream Phone, the board game, with the hot pink “Night at the Roxbury” style phone.

I will refrain from doing the math to tell you exactly how long ago that was. But, in 2017, my daughters, Reis and Remi decided to each select 10 dolls to equal the 20 keepers. They had no problems whatsoever with parting, temporarily with the other dolls. This made a world of difference in decluttering, too. I highly recommend it, girlmoms. Out of the organizational patterns in my brain, I kept receiving the same prompting over and over, again, to designate a specific number of hangers for their closets, too. X # of hangers for pants, and X # of hangers for tops, so then it would force minimalism upon them. But I decided, slowly… very slowly. Plus, their closets don’t even look bad, at the moment. I think it’s because they panicked when it was super warm once or twice in February and packed up their winter clothing and drug out all of their summer things. Summer apparel has much less material than winter.

Anyway, along with this purging/de-cluttering effort, I went to the local hardware store and grabbed every paint sample I could see with colors I was drawn to. In that same afternoon, (this was the afternoon on their last day of school before Spring Break) I choose colors for my living room, dining room, bathroom, hall, and stairwell. I also picked up some prepping items and paint supplies.

My husband is incredibly particular about prep work. I am not. That may seem contradictory since I’m a list person, but wall painting is one thing I’ve never been a perfectionist about, at least until this day. My sweet, incredibly particular about prep work husband had pulled his back out on Sunday, the day before this day. Therefore, if I wanted the paint done in a lickity-split kind of way, I needed to help as much as I could. Naturally, when he gets injured I will give him the commission to do something hard to challenge his skills. That’s exactly how it went down. He pulled his back out and I said it looks like a great time to paint the entire house. It’s honestly strategic, believe me. He began to one-time (or spackle) the divots and holes in the drywall. One word, “countless”. Let’s see, we moved into this home in 2013, I believe. You know the drill, you do the math. In 2013 my children were even younger - sticks and stones and brooms and nails driven by mini-hammers, you name it, it’s been repelled or slammed against our drywall. After my husband and I had finished spackling, our son, Jude, said, “It looks like the walls have polka dots or the pox. Are we leaving them that way?”

I picked up some cheap sandpaper at Dollar General, but didn’t really work on it much until the next day. But as I did the first two spots and they were ehhh.. so-so, with that sandpaper. My husband came waltzing through the front door with a miracle. They call it, “a sander”. Maybe to you it’s ridiculous I didn’t know what one was or had never thought about using one, but to me this was one of those “Aha!” moments. My husband advised me to cease using the sandpaper sheets, and to use this tool. At first, I asked him if I could potentially chop my fingers off. He assured me I couldn’t but to keep it flat. He showed me and handed it over. I fell in love. He left, again, but when he returned, I showed him what a great job I did and even in the places we hadn’t spackled that felt mildly uneven or bumpy, I hit those, too. This tool was the most amazing thing and my walls were almost new (without the new paint). I told him I was so good at it that he could hire me. We’d be a local-brand of Fixer Upper. I added that I could only use this tool though, because that’s where my talent lies, and I don’t really feel like I’d enjoy working a full eight-hour day, but if he needed the image, I was in and could probably put in a solid 1-3 hours, depending on whether or not it was running season.

I did get a stellar half workout in with my roller. I’m short-ish or average, I think, for a female. Even with the extension on the roller, I had to calf raise to reach the top of the walls where it intersected with the line that my husband cut in along the ceiling. Even though he cut that in and all I did was roll everything, I still managed to get paint on the ceiling in three places.

While I painted and cleaned, I decided my oven needed dissected. Thank you, Pinterest, you are the best ever! I found a pin describing how to clean in between those glass panels – after taking the oven door apart (no joke) I was about to scrub that grease off, and my oven looks like new. I also allowed a baking soda, salt, vinegar mix to coat the inside overnight and voila! It looks like new!

I also made an executive decision to repaint my dining room chairs… oh and reupholster them. Owned it. Seriously, what a different a little fabric makes.

Anyway, the entire Operation Cottage Renovation was completed in just 2.5 short days. Just in time, because on Monday, we held an Ice Cream Social + Family Night in our little cottage, and forty people showed up. That’s a lot to cram under one tiny roof, but it was so great!

You know I love to plan parties. That’s just one of my favorite things to do in life. I’m serious. Unfortunately, Covington isn’t exactly the target market for that kind of expertise, so I just plan a lot of parties for my family and my children.

Pottery Barn Kids happens to have a free ice cream party printable set. I recycled my turquoise blue strawberry baskets, found 4 sets of ice cream bowls for $.88/set, which is incredible and not to mention the frugality of reusing those suckers, over and over, again. My husband and I went out on Saturday night, which wasn’t the norm and I’ll discuss why in like two seconds. During our date, we ate (we always eat, food is life) and we got party supplies, those being toppings for ice cream sundaes. Anything you could imagine, really, it was great. We also snatched up supplies for our “Family Night” portion of the event. Wooden sticks, rods, pipe cleaners, foam blocks, playdoh, duct tape, etc. Right now you may be wondering what on earth we were doing with those materials and why, and I’ll tell you.

Like a broken record, on Monday nights it’s Family Home Evening. Since many that aren’t of our faith don’t understand that terminology we called it, “Family Night”. My husband explained to our large group, we do this as a family to build unity, every week. He also described our evening as being a “Family Home Evening… on steroids”.

We left out the formality of it all and had our Elders (Young Boy Missionaries 19+) explain a little bit about the Book of Mormon. Many people don’t understand it’s a history, like history of any textbook or journals, ancient writings, in this case – those of the people in the Americas.

We briefly read in the Book of Alma (which is from the Book of Mormon) about what Captain Moroni did to prepare his cities for hard times. In this particular evening, we were focusing on one of the preparations which was “fortifying” or strengthening their cities. This included building a large fortress with trenches and defense mechanisms for that time period, even though they were not currently under attack. This prepared them for when they did fall under attack, the sight alone of these beefed up fortresses caused the enemy to retreat. You may be thinking, nice story, get on with the point.

That point is how it’s important to reflect on what we can do to build ourselves up and strengthen ourselves while things are smooth sailing, to endure the harder times. If we don’t prepare, we’ll fall apart.

My commission to the children and families in my home that evening was to build their own fortress to defend themselves. Object lessons are my favorite with small children. Seriously, they’re fantastic.

As soon as everything was cleaned up and the house resumed to normal, I began “listing” the next actions in my life. One of those being creating a Ninjago Birthday Invitation and to evaluate my shopping list for this upcoming party – can I just say, It’s gonna be great?!

Jude is highly involved in his party preparation. An example of this would be evidenced by the fact that when I asked him what he wanted to have as a party theme, he quickly answered, “Ninjago” and didn’t back down. No biggie. I honestly thought it would be Lego Batman since that’s been all of the hype this year, or even Minions or Minecraft, but nope. Ninjago and after extensive Pinterest research, I’m ready to execute this plan.

I showed him my board and ran ideas past him. He then took my cell phone from me and began pinning what he liked to his board labeled, “Jude Party”. I didn’t send his cake request to the cake decorator, it was a three dimensional gold Lego Ninjago Lloyd, but I did send another super cool one he liked that was still pretty extravagant.

I’ll be working on crafting my husband a kimono-type ensemble to he can be Sensai. This age group I’m guessing will be slightly squirmy so we will plan game after game and backup games. Jude has requested his buddies attend Ninja Training and unlock their potential to be Masters of Spinjitzu.

This is great because there’s only like 300 pins about Ninja training games for parties. I’m loving the “fire” jumping, hoop crossing, plank walking, brick wall breaking, shirikin tossing, balsa wood breaking obstacle course. Can you tell I’m stoked? This only downside to all of this is planning it on a dime. For real though, usually, I buy here and there and everywhere and then my husband will say, “Hey… you only have X more to spend.” This time, from the get-go I’ve had a budget. Budgeting is SO HARD for the compulsiveness inside of me.

How have I been surviving this long Spring Break? Can I just say it’s nothing like summer because in summer, we go to the pool, daily. As far as we’ve gone is Conner Prairie and that finally happened yesterday (Tuesday). Another Spring Break survival hacks for non-travelers would be seeing a movie, twice. I went to see Beauty and the Beast on Friday night with my mother and we met up with my sister. It was a great time and I loved this movie! It was my scout-out of the movie, of course, I had to make sure it was child appropriate (due to reviews I’d read which were completely off), and not scary. So, while I watched it with my sister and mother, my children watched the animated version for the first time, ever. I know… parenting fail. I grew up in love with animated Disney movie classics and my kids have watched maybe ¼ of them. We’re working on it, though.

Over the weekend my oldest daughter and her bestie had convinced us in order to keep the house looking nice and neat, before our ice cream social, we should go to see Beauty and the Beast. Actually, they brought this up in front of my mother and of course, grandma saves the day with the funds needed to attend this movie. I ran and cleaned up and set up what I could that day, then the girls and I left for Champaign to see it. The boys ran errands for us and did their own thing. Jude didn’t even like the half of the animated version he watched so he wasn’t all about seeing it, again.

We were so confused as to why the movie was so expensive, but realized when we arrived it was being it was being shown in the BIG D theater. Of course, we climbed to the tippy top of this ginormous theater. I honestly felt winded after coasting up the steps a couple of times. I may run but my body denies inclines at all costs. There were only about four other movie-goers in the theater with us, which was amazing, too. My favorite kind of movie, restaurant, amusement park, grocery store, is one with only a handful of people in it with me.

I mentioned Conner Prairie, oh yes. Today, we traveled to Fishers for an interactive historical tour. We learned about Indians, Pioneers, the Civil War, tested out the new Treehouse exhibit which is marvelous. I asked my husband to observe the structure and examine it closely, because I feel the Covington City Park would benefit from a version of that. Maybe not four stories, but I do love the height. It was the best part! Of course, Jude would tell you the best part had to be the rifle range, where he learned how to handle his “bayonet”, march, and fight in a battle.

All of the kids enjoyed that at least until we did the hot air balloon. Yep, we did it. We’ve seen it there time and time, again, but this time it was checked and circled off of the bucket list.

It was a toss-up between whether my husband would go up or I would go up. He voted me, and I voted him and somehow he convinced be that I should go, although two things were very big deal breakers for me. Those were 1.) This was opening day of the outdoor experience, meaning our hot air balloon pilot was out of practice for months. 2.) It was windy. I visualize that cord being severed and us flying away never to be seen or heard from again.

However, all three of my children were game to go up and excited to the moon, so was I going to risk not flying to the moon with them? Nope… I went. I went and when the middle disappeared and we continued to ascend up to the 377 feet, taller than even the statue of liberty’s torch, I began to feel like I shouldn’t make any sudden moves. Of course, my darling children had expressions of pure delight and excitement while I stood there reminding them every 4.5 seconds to hold on to the sides, while each of my feet held pressure against the walls to immobilize me, while I clinched my teeth down. I did look around and take a few photos and a video, but I felt like we were going to blow over sideways, so really what was going through my brain was how I was going to instruct my three children. Another family was up in the sky with us, and the pilot had told them to look around, we only would be at the maximum height for 3 minutes before descending. They all seemed to gravitate toward us, making the balloon off balance, I bit down on my tongue to fight off the urge to scold them to get back to their own side and quit attempting to tip us out of the basket. Finally, we were going back down but near the ground it was described to us that our balloon was doing a “pendulum” effect. It began rocking and not landing steady and I prepared my mind for evacuation, but worst case scenarios considered, they weren’t needed.

Thankfully… we made it and I needed a timeout from that moment forward. Actually, I really just needed some lunch. Hypoglycemia gets the best of me, from time to time, creating short-temperedness and attitude. Omission from any meal or delay isn’t good for any member of our party.

I feel pretty satisfied after updating the blog and this wasn’t on a list, because the list it exists on is a mental or unwritten list. Just like the Pineapple Upside down cake I made my husband, last night, wasn’t on the list. So, I guess I don’t have to use a ‘list’ for everything as it had seemed. #talented < I’m totally kidding.

I hope my readers enjoy the memes. I stumbled across a fantastic application and I had to test them out in a very non-serious way.

While my husband and I attended a Youth Temple Trip, the Saturday before embarking on additional busyness including my cousin’s bowling birthday party which was loads of fun for everyone, I received a couple of impressions.

I was flipping through Doctrine and Covenants and randomly reading a scripture verse or two, and I happened to stumble across this one:

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God; D&C 109:8

This is in my top five scripture verses. It also commits me to making this list my new checklist. Am I working on these things? How is my evaluation of myself and my home? New month, new goals.

That’s what I love about life. We are constantly reinventing ourselves. A better version of who we are, continual growth, gaining wisdom from mistakes and failed experimentation. Failure gives us exactly what we need to brush ourselves off, jump up, and move forward.

In fact, busyness is not what it’s all about. I’ve asked my husband, on a few different occasions recently, how do I become less busy? Less commitments? Dropping tasks? More efficient delegation? Saying no? Busyness doesn’t allow time for the Spirit to prompt you, for inspiration to come, to be present with family or children, I know for sure we weren’t designed to live life in the fast lane 95% of the time, as evidenced by those mini-panic attacks or rapid speech that accompany semi-meltdown moments.

So sure, I may have elaborated on five different lists (maybe even more, I lost count), but I’m really not wanting to achieve some sort of level of mastery for being busy. Even looking at the word busy is annoying. It looks like “bus” with a “y” it seems to have letters missing. Probably because they were too busy, too.

The list I’m keeping, going into the month of April, is that of D&C 109:8 - the goal I’m creating is Peace, Meditation, and Prayer. How will I get out of the habit of being busy or having less commitments? One at a time, I’ll finish what obligations I’ve begun, without taking on additional commitments (that are of a part-time or full-time nature or require multiple tasks per week). I’ll make sure to evaluate my progress to see if it’s improving me, as an individual.

I am going to make a commitment to going to bed early. The past couple of days, I’ve had roughly 4 hours of sleep, per night. When I opened this blog draft up, I mentioned to my best friend I didn’t even know what it says because I was so tired while writing it. It may be like reading a foreign language.

One last commitment -- this should honestly go without saying, seeing the good or positive in every situation and every person, I encounter. I’m extremely grateful General Conference is this coming weekend so I can be inspired and my questions can be answered. Now, I think I may go sit out in the beautiful sunshine. Namaste!

#LDS #mormonmommy #mothering #parenting #busy #springbreak #life

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