#the education system is getting me good bye | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

raphaelapproves · 2 months

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Today, focus was a precious commodity and I ended up behind at work so did not get the chance to post the conversation as promised.

But now, here we are, the "conversation"--and I do use that term loosely--that I had with an Astarion girlie.

Allow me to set the scene.

This happened on a video where a streamer was, I assume, HORRIFIED to find that if she just self-insert played the game with answers she would give--SHOCK!--Gale was the companion who liked her the most. I can't imagine why.

Anyway, the comments section was the predictable Gale-bashing. Some in good fun. Most of it not. And I'm me, so I just couldn't help myself, because I see too much of my younger self [ who still tried to engage with people and connect but didn't know how ] in Gale, so I responded to a couple of comments. This was the one that prompted this little meeting of the... well, one mind and then whatever the other person was operating with. Must have been a different Operating System, because it sure didn't make sense to me.

It is below the cut, as are my thoughts because it turned into a long post as, apparently, I had many thoughts.

Astarion Girlie [ henceforth AG ]: THEN HE CAN GO SUCK OFF LETTO II ON ARRAKIS CUZ I AM NOT HERE FOR GALE'S SEXIST A$$ 😤

Me: First: how is Gale sexist? Second: and yet you're okay with Astarion [ NOTE: the username had something to do with what Astarion could do for them, so I made an educated guess ] who is canonically racist, knowingly lured people to their deaths, and was fine with condemning the world for himself???

AG: are you serious??? 🤣 Gale mansplains EVERYTHING to the women around him including magic to other magic-user, uses coercion as a flirting tactic, & slvt-shames Tav if you're romancing someone else.

Me: Wow. There is so much wrong with that. 1) Tell me you don't have an autistic friend without telling me. 2) He explains to EVERYONE not just women. 3) Genuinely? What coercion? 4) He just tells you -- He isn't for an open relationship [ says he wishes you had asked him first which is y'know healthy? ] and asks you to choose, then says he wishes you well if you don't choose him.

AG: have you considered touching grass?

Me: This is such an intelligent rebuttal. Brava! So insightful and useful to a debate. Have you considered maybe listening to others without belitting them because you can't have a friendly discussion?

AG: 1) all of my friends are auDHD and so am i. you're an ableist joke. 😘 2) now you're gale-splaining his sexism 😂 3) i'm not interested in continuing with someone as clearly unwell as you are, bye!

Me: I AM autistic, friend. 2) It's not sexism if he's literally explaining his special interest to EVERYONE regardless of sex. 3) Again, quite mature. Thank you. 👏👏👏

I am just. How??? can anyone be so ??? I do not even have a word for it. It baffles me.

Astarion has canonically done terrible things, would canonically do many even more terrible if not swayed from it, and yet Gale??? is the one with whom they have a problem??? And they can't even logic their own argument???

As someone who is autistic and has been a victim of continued mental and emotional abuse from someone who always wanted to play the victim card and as someone who was always given the excuse "well they're not well and you know it, so you just have to deal with it and don't argue" when they're going out of their way to make your life hell and trying to frame you as their own personal villain, up to and including gaslighting you to the point of nearly two decades of depression, making you feel like you were broken and the worst human being in the world, and having you contemplating things you shouldn't, and them lying to others about things that happened or things that were said to get you in trouble, I get very, very tired of the mentality I see so much around the crazed Astarion Girlies of excusing everything he has ever done and being unable to even acknowledge a single flaw and attacking anyone who does say anything.

I have and continue to live that, have been and continue to be on the other side of it having to suffer because someone else wasn't held accountable, and I am Tired. [ At least now, thanks to my best friend in the entire world, I can see it for what it is and I'm in at least a better place now mentally, 98% of the time. ]

[ NOTE: This is NOT against the Astarion writers I have seen on here. Please do not misunderstand. The Astarion writers I follow on here are the only reason I can still even marginally like the character at this point. He is fascinating. He is multi-faceted. It's one of the things I love to see explored by those who I follow. It is always interesting to see people write complex and even morally difficult characters because that, too, is a form of understanding humanity. It's one of the things I love exploring with my anti-heroes and villains. In Baldur's Gate, that would include characters like Raphael, Gortash, Dirge, etc. So please know I am not hating on any Astarion writers! Everyone I follow is amazing! ]

But when you bring up those character flaws and morally difficult things that does make the character so complex and multi-faceted, these are the responses you get:

Astarion is a victim!

Yes, that is true. But Gortash who, let's be honest, at least doesn't fully know what he's doing is wrong [ you pass the insight checks and what not/narration tells you/the VA tells you that he thinks he's doing the right thing for himself and for the city, etc. and with the way he was raised, what example did he have to the contrary but I've already gone on that rant HERE ] is to the smallest degree even less culpable in my mind than Astarion, and he doesn't get a pass the way Astarion does? And he certainly shouldn't. He isn't absolved. He is doing terrible things whether he can fully rationalize it or not with his understanding of life.

Astarion though, acknowledges on multiple occasions, gives excuses, justifies his actions at every turn while still knowing that what he's doing and planning to do is wrong. And it's heavily implied that he really wasn't all that great of a person BEFORE Cazador either [ that is not to say that he deserved what happened either, just to clarify ]. But the point is Astarion did, at one point, having come from what seems an affluent family, have a knowledge of right and wrong and still made decisions that he made, even before Cazador and after once he was free.

Cazador made him do those things! Yes, he did, but that excuse stopped the moment Cazador's control was no longer an issue. He had free will and a knowledge of right and wrong, and he made the decisions he made.

But it was a habit by then! It was what he learned to survive!

And that coupled with the knowledge of right and wrong goes only so far as the moment you choose to knowingly make your trauma someone else's. Cazador wasn't going to force him to do the Ascension ritual and pay 7,000 souls for his own betterment. "Because after 200 years of SHIT, PURE SHIT, I think I deserve better." A paraphrase, but I think I caught the most important parts. He knew it was wrong, he acknowledges it and immediately tries to justify himself, and is still quite willing to do it. Literally, if he kills you by draining your blood, he acts like nothing ever happened and then tries to sweep it under the rug with Tav if they continue to be upset about it by telling them there's no reason to be.

And yet, we have a problem with Gale, who can be or come across as condescending at times, but I think you can hardly call a man sexist who made his girlfriend his entire personality--since she was the goddess of his SPECIAL INTEREST--and continues to put her word above even his own life, prioritize her forgiveness over his continued existence and who takes such great interest in literally everything Lae'zel has to say about the Astral Plane and her people. We have a problem with a man who is honest about his comfort zone? Who loves your PC even if you become a mindflayer? Who only takes issue with you when you do something morally bad? Who literally gives you approval points for anything even remotely resembling a good choice? Who feels like he doesn't even deserve a place in the world and would gladly give himself up for any one of his companions?

He's always harassing me for items!!!! AND HE GOT MAD WHEN I WOULDN'T GIVE THEM TO HIM!!!

The count is THREE and you can give the man the most trash items you have and he still thanks you and tells you that he will repay your kindness because he knows what such sacrifice means. He is thanking you--just as he gets mad at you if you don't--because he literally has a ticking bomb in his chest that would kill not only HIM if it de-stabilized and exploded, but also anyone within the vicinity.

Well he betrayed Mystra!!!

He tried to get on equal footing with someone he loved, to share in something he loved with the person who embodied it. Was he overly ambitious? Absolutely. [ And honestly, tell me it's not Gifted Kid Syndrome -coded to assume that he could do this impossible thing. ] Did it cost him? Yes. And then Mystra, who could have fixed it and didn't cast him off. And he still prayed to her. And took all of the blame on himself, despite the fact that Mystra shares more than a little responsibility for what transpired. [ I.E. all of the Origin PCs have been victims in this game, in some way or another, and some if not all of them to power imbalances in relationships. Why does anyone think Gale is the one exception? ]

HE'S MANSPLAINING TO ME!!!

He is literally telling you all about his special interest and probably assuming that you don't know much about it, or at least not as much as him, because he was literally a Chosen of Mystra and an Archmage. Again, can he be condescending and huffy at times? Yes. He absolutely can. Call it a character flaw. Everyone has them, but you know what? His doesn't condemn anyone to death, so why are we up at arms?

HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE!!!

And that is his prerogative and he's straightforward and honest with you about it. He tells you--if you already started flirting with or seeing someone--that he wishes you had the courtesy to tell him first [ which, IS IN FACT the healthy way to go about a relationship of that nature, just as shown with Halsin insisting you ask your partner first ]--but if you choose the other person, he wishes you both well, usually gives some compliment to the other person, and then continues to treat you well as long as you weren't rude and demeaning to him during or after the fact.

So why???? Is so much of the fanbase SO AGGRESSIVELY against Gale? But Astarion is uwu Babygirl and can do no wrong? What about defending Gale makes me "so unwell", but how DARE anyone rightfully criticize even the smallest thing about Astarion because [ insert extensive list of reasons why none of that should matter ].

That he is a victim, that he's pretty, that his VA has a great voice and personality, et cetera, does not excuse that Astarion has knowingly done terrible things both against and within his will and will do so again without hesitation if he helps him, particularly if your Durge or Tav doesn't try or manage to sway him.

Make this make sense to me, because I certainly cannot seem to make it do so.

I've said it before with that Gortash post I linked above and I said it on a similar post for Zevlor and somewhere that I was talking about Minthara and Nere, but the double standards within a loud portion of this fanbase--even within the game itself and among the people who worked on it--is not one of its better qualities.

#|| out of charm || { ooc }#|| ' full of sound and fury signifying nothing ' || { psas // thoughts // ramblings }#tw; abuse #tw; abuse mention #tw; suicide #tw; suicidal thoughts mention #// Vague blink & you'll probably miss it on the latter but still there so I'm putting the warning & tagging 'suicide' alone tag blocks

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eeerilyrealistic · 2 months

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an angel comes to me in the late fluorescent light of the silverlake 7/11

on the corner of santa monica and virgil

he takes the shape of a 32-year-old ********* from ****** **** who overheard us talking about chickpeas and exclaims something i deduce as a joyful “GARBANZOO!!!”

in hindsight, it was a correction, but in the moment i just assumed he wanted to discuss garbanzo beans with us. so i insist on talking about them with him, incessantly inquiring why he exclaimed garbanzo to us so proudly. “HEY WAIT! YEA YOU SAID GARBANZO RIGHT?? DO YOU LIKE THEM OR SOMETHING?”

he loves them, so do i, not the ones in the vegan caesar salad from erewhon, a vegan caesar??? a caesar has to have anchovies on top or else its not a caesar. real.

he was up till 7 the night before (at a *** bar till 5, 2 hours to decompress)

walked to 7/11 at the same time as i to get two packs of red camel 99s

informs me i look like twigs meets edie sedgwick (i take note of edie sedgwick in my notes app)

she was one of andy warhol's it girls he says. fuck andy warhol though

he guesses i am a scorpio second try

i fail to guess he is an aquarius

one of my best friends is an aquarius i say

he mocks me, oh one of your best friends

the angel was smuggled into los angeles when he was 3 (he's legal now he notes) and has residual ****** shame about [REDACTED]

i tell him ******* will one day appreciate the gift of his life

he gets to live! i say

he says something but my memory fails me because of my intoxicated state, it was along the lines of cynically agreeing that living is great but not in america

the angel is tired of america. wants to move back to ****** **** or try europe

where in europe?

spain or france he says

i would love to go to spain

you've been to france?

yes, but for the smallest blip in time so it doesn't really count

do you speak french?

i piece together that he is trilingual

i only know spanish from the american education system i say

he only knows french from the american education system he says

we make calm consistent eye contact for almost our whole conversation;

realistically maybe more him than i. i suppose i get too nervous when i am speaking at times (in general) and break away (often in the form of a twitchy rolling of the eyes many of my friends have enlightened me about).

he is so alluring. he is captivating.

(i insert a halo above his head into my memory)

at some point the conversation expires.

we hug good bye

its grand

he makes sure to note my name and look me in the eye and tell me it was nice to meet me

i hug with intent and say it was so nice to meet you too but i didn't mention his name because i forgot. i didn't say that but he could probably tell. goodbye angel

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krisb-writing-blog · 2 years

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Chapter 2: Wicked Game

Start date: 07/01/22

End date: 07/03/22

Rating: PG (kissing)

@choicesficwriterscreations

▪︎ __________ 🌷 __________ ▪︎

The encounter in the parking garage left Hannah with a lot to think about. Was Sam lying? Were both Sam and Marianne lying to their kids and Hannah? What was the truth about their family state? She sipped her coffee as she waited at a red light the next morning in traffic. She was almost to the building when she received a phone call from Marianne.

"Hey, is this a bad time?" Marianne asked, with the sound of a blender going in the background.

"Nope, my car has Bluetooth and I'm almost to the parking lot. Is something wrong?" Hannah asked in response.

"No, but I just wanted to let you know that Sam is going to be working from home today, so you don't have to stay the whole time if you don't want to. His sister Robin insisted, it's a whole thing. You'll still be paid the same though." Marianne replied.

"Alright. I promised Mickey that I'd help her with her chemistry flash cards so I'll probably leave after we're done with that, is that okay?" Hannah parked her car in the designated parking spot.

"Sounds good to me, you're a sweetheart. I gotta go, but I will see you later. Bye." Marianne hung up the phone quickly.

Hannah quickly made it upstairs in time to say goodbye to the twins and Marianne. In seeing that Sam still kissed his wife goodbye in the morning, his statements the previous night didn't line up, but she kept that to herself and focused on keeping Ainsley distracted with Paw Patrol and baby snacks.

"Hi!" Ainsley smiled. Her vocabulary was as limited as her ability to walk long distances, but she did seem excited to see Hannah, which was a welcome change.

"Hi there sweetie." Hannah replied back, with a small wave.

"Dada?" Ainsley looked puzzled in the most adorable way ever.

"Dada is in his office working. Do you want your dolly?" Hannah tried to keep Ainsley from interrupting Sam.

"Dada!" Ainsley cried. The sadness of baby Ainsley made Hannah sad too, so she picked her up and headed to his office, but she stopped and knocked first.

"Hey Sam, it's Hannah. I'm sorry to bother you but Ainsley wants to see you right now, and she's not happy." Hannah tried to calm Ainsley down as she talked.

"Come on in." Sam simply answered.

When Hannah entered with Ainsley, she saw an office fancier than her professor's, which said a lot about the public education system, but also family photos and a modern minimalist aesthetic gone horribly awry.

"Dada!" Ainsley clapped her little hands as Hannah handed her to Sam.

"Now that is the Ainsley that shared half a cookie with me yesterday. She already has her favorite parent." Hannah joked.

"I guess she does. And I wanted to apologize for what I said last night, I was out of line." Sam turned his attention from his daughter to Hannah.

"That's okay." It really wasn't, but Hannah was a smart girl and knew that it might take some strategy to figure out what Sam's endgame was.

"Maybe when Ainsley goes to take her afternoon nap, I'd love to chat and see how you're doing. It's better than listening to business pitches from my shark of a sister." Sam pitched, as Ainsley smashed the keys on the office keyboard.

"Sounds like a plan. She should be ready for lunch in a few minutes, so I'll go get something ready." Hannah left the father and daughter together and headed to the kitchen.

After a small lunch of applesauce and a handful of Cheerios, as Ainsley had pushed most of them onto the floor, she was fast asleep in her nursery while Sam and Hannah chatted in the living room.

"What kind of work did you do before you became a nanny?" Sam asked.

"Well I have a degree in chemistry, so I was working towards becoming a chemistry professor and focusing on getting rid of the gender bias and getting more young women inspired to pursue science. However that takes time and money, so I put that on pause and pursued being a nanny since my nurturing side could also be inspirational in a classroom." Hannah explained thoroughly. She was really passionate about that part of her work, and wasn't going to stop until she made a difference.

"Oh, that's nice. Maybe you could help the twins find their careers." Sam clearly wasn't paying attention to anything Hannah said, but he might have been paying attention to the blue jeans and the red tank top she was wearing.

"Sure, I mean I'm helping Mickey with her chemistry flash cards later so that's a start." She felt defeated already, and the day wasn't even half over.

"Are you okay? You seem a little distracted, sir." Hannah tried to change the subject.

"I'm fine, it's just that you look a lot like my ex wife. I haven't seen her in twelve years, so it's kind of confusing me." Sam clarified.

"She doesn't visit the twins? I mean I knew you and Marianne had full custody, but what kind of mom abandons her babies like that?" Hannah was shocked.

"I don't know. But you two, gosh you look like you could be her sister." Sam's comments echoed in Hannah's mind, and made her skin crawl. Comparing her to someone who had left her children and husband without a trace? It seemed weird. Hannah choked down a sip of orange juice and sighed.

The silence was broken by the crackle of a baby monitor and Ainsley crying, so Hannah went to go check on her while Sam sat on the couch, playing back what he just revealed. Poor, innocent Hannah had no idea that it was just the tip of the iceberg. Eventually Sam went back to his office and they worked separately until Marianne and the twins came home. After dinner, cleaning up, and helping Mason with his math homework, Hannah went to help Mickey with her flash cards in Mickey's bedroom, while Marianne and Sam helped Mason with rest of his homework.

"Alright, so what part are you struggling with?" Hannah asked.

"The gas laws. There's too many of them, and that's basically what half of the final is on." Mickey sighed as she got some markers, index cards, and pens out of her desk drawer.

"Ah, those stumped me too. Unfortunately, combined gas law is just the first three put together and there's six different outcomes." Hannah winced.

"Six?! Well there goes my A minus grade." Mickey looked like she'd just heard that Ariana Grande was retiring.

"Relax, I have a degree in this, I'll help you. We'll make it into a game: if you can guess the most difficult gas laws, I will see if I can talk your parents into letting you get your learner's permit." Hannah tried to get the young teen to focus.

"Have I ever told you that you're my favorite person to study with?" Mickey smiled.

"I am winning at this nanny thing today." Hannah thought to herself as she helped Mickey draw the flash cards. When Hannah picked up a piece of paper, she accidentally knocked down a picture frame and apologized.

"Oh it's okay, it's something my dad put in here. It's an old picture of him and my mom when she was pregnant with me and my brother." Mickey picked up the frame and handed it to Hannah.

"She looks beautiful. Do you remember much about her?" Hannah was curious.

"Not really. I mean there's family photos and videos with her, but me and Mason were three when she left so it's all a blur. But I want to know where she is, eventually, so maybe I could become an investigative journalist like those people on Dateline or something." Mickey looked upset, so Hannah put the picture back.

"Well, if you want to do that in college, you have to pass this test, and remember the promise." Hannah changed the subject.

Hannah and Mickey quizzed each other using the homemade flash cards, and soon enough Mickey was ready for her test. Hannah was on her way out when she got in her car and it wouldn't start. After saying a string of expletives, most starting rhyming with "duck" and "ditch", she hesitantly dialed the home phone number of the Daltons, and Mason answered.

"If you're trying to reach us about our car's extended warranty, you'll have to be specific and also not a robot." The fifteen year old answered.

"I am not, though I may have to borrow that one. Can you put your stepmom or your dad on the phone? This is kind of embarrassing but my car won't start and the mechanic is closed until tomorrow morning." Hannah explained.

"Got it. I'll go get one of them. Aren't there subways around here?" Mason asked.

"Yup, but my metro card is at my apartment, which is clear across town." Hannah replied.

"That sucks. I'll go get my stepmom." Mason put the phone down, leaving Hannah waiting.

Eventually, Mason got his dad and gave him the phone. Sam drove Hannah home, and the two chatted again as they waited in traffic. When they got to her building, it was time to say goodbye.

"I'll call a tow truck tomorrow to get my car out of the garage so the security guard doesn't get mad at me." Hannah unbuckled her seat belt.

"Works for me. But before you go, there's just one more thing." Sam stopped her from getting out.

"What?" Hannah asked.

Sam leaned in and kissed the young nanny, and she hesitantly kissed him back, against her better judgment.

When he pulled away, she got out of the car and headed to her apartment. She told her roommate about it, and the two talked through the possible options of whether to tell Marianne, whether she should quit after just a few days, and Hannah told her roommate about the weird things Sam had said to her before that. Whatever games were being played, Hannah had entered a very difficult level.

#writers #writing ideas #ocs #character concept #current wip #wip stuff #choices app #choices game #choices stories we play #choices the nanny affair #play choices #playchoices #choices stories you play

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transformsx · 2 years

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just the same survey thing i appropriated for laura.

SELF + HEALTH

how do they see themselves? basically realistically, except when it comes to like, being worthy of love / people being attracted to her; she definitely has a Damaged Goods Complex and she is very embarrassed about it

how do they want to be seen by others? competent. useful. gender-free

what is their life motto? “wow, i've never thought about it like that before. and i never will. i've already forgotten what you said, good bye forever“ - wolfpupy 2016

would they rather lead or follow? so hard not to make a gilmore girls joke atm but it depends??? she likes to operate within a #system and she doesn’t like being responsible for other people. but she is also extremely stubborn and hates being told what to do :-)

what motivates them? literally just spite. well, also love / [house tully vc] Family Duty Honor. but mostly spite

are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? tongue. or any old plastic bag will do

do they have any pet peeves? yeah about 5 of them

what do they most regret? don’t worry about it.

what achievement are they most proud of? she is the achievement she is most proud of

do they have any scars? yeah, lots

do they have a disability? she has fibromyalgia

do they have any allergies or food intolerances? probably. but i do not know them... yet.

do they have any long-term illnesses or injuries? several poorly-healed broken bones. chronic intestinal/digestive issues.

PERSONALITY

describe their personality in one word. stalwart

someone wrongs them. do they respond with revenge or forgiveness? she’s probably just going to pout about it until they start groveling. she is a simple man and she is unlikely to be vengeful on her own behalf (frank might kill you for wronging her, though; this HAS happened before). but she’s also never forgiven anyone for anything in her entire life, and she shows no signs of starting now :-)

do they make snap judgments or take time to consider? she does make snap judgments, but she is open to reconsidering them (though she will probably never admit she was wrong --- it happens, but it takes a lot).

are they a glass half-full or a glass half-empty kind of person? [jack shephard vc] there’s a glass?

do they express themselves through words or deeds? eh, both, but deeds are more reliable. she’s one of those people who often shows affection by being mean.

how often do they lie? as often as necessary. she doesn’t have any qualms about it. the closer she gets to you, though, the less likely it is to happen --- both because she’ll want to be truthful, and because the more defenses you knock down, the worse she will be at lying. she is so easily flustered when she is comfortable ;_; it is very sweet to me ;_;

do they listen to their head or their heart while making a decision? her heart lol though this will NOT be obvious

HABITS

how organized/disorganized are they? very organized but not necessarily in an obvious way. it makes sense to her, though. it’s not meant to make sense to you.

do they have any routines? just little ones --- the order she does things in the morning, or the steps she goes through getting ready for bed, those types of rituals. otherwise her life calls for a lot of adaptability.

talk about their mannerisms. way ahead of you. that tag is so funny. i highly recommend it

is there an item they take with them wherever they go? not other than her phone

good habits and bad habits. she’s a squirrely little nail-biting nervous smoker. and she’s always nervous. most of her habits are fine, she’s very. she’s an istj

THOUGHTS

their views on formal education vs self-education? she’s not a snob. she more than likely got her GED and definitely started out in community college / was in school way more than four years. that said, her education was really important to her, and while she definitely thinks many self-educated people are Just As Capable, she isn’t likely to like ... be able to comprehend having an in to higher education and passing it up. because she is an istj. but it’s not her business

what are their thoughts on animals? she doesn’t really have any deep thoughts or feelings about them. she does have two cats, though, so her heart is not wholly cold and dead.

how much do they care what people think about them? generally, not much, but then there are a select few people whose opinion of her is like, Everything In The World, so don’t go thinking she’s too well-adjusted

do they enjoy being the center of attention? why or why not? sexually. otherwise not at all. i don’t need to tell you why, it’s not much of a reach

how do they feel about learning? positively ...?

which do they value more: creativity or practicality? practicality. both are important, though.

thoughts on material possessions? she loves Her Items. everything about her house is so sentimental. that said, she is so clingy with her things because she grew up in poverty --- she isn’t entirely used to having things. which is an important caveat, obviously.

would they rather win an argument or avoid conflict? :-)

views on people in general? ugh.

what qualities do they admire in other people? passion, loyalty, diligence, self-awareness

how do they feel about fun? as long as you don’t want her to do it in public

what do they want written on their tombstone? she’s not thought about it. i doubt she even has a preference about what happens to her when she dies --- she’s like, idk, survivors, whatever makes you feel better :*

thoughts on privacy? (are they private or are they “tmi”?) she’s private. not exactly secretive, though, if you have clearance.

thoughts on superstitions or the occult? (do they believe, not believe, etc.) nah.

what are their religious views? she’s an atheist. not the annoying kind. she just doesn’t get it.

THE PAST

what was their childhood like? the kind of story that you think you’re to a point with that’s like “well, at least things can’t get worse!” but then you know her another year or two and you find out that they really can.

what did they want to be when they grew up? nothing. not for a lack of passion; she just wasn’t inclined to think that way. it would not have served her especially well.

as a child, what were they most likely to be found doing? playing with bugs. drawing. reading, once she got good at it --- school did not come easily to her when she was getting used to it. nobody had ever really worked with her on anything before.

which memory stands out most clearly? there’s a flashback sequence about it if you care enough to dig :-P

TOUGH STUFF

do they have any phobias? i’ve been thinking about that. i think the only ones likely to Be Relevant are she’s got some degree of fear of dogs, and she is very afraid of being sedated / anesthetized. she does not like doctors at all.

do they get nightmares? yes. she doesn’t remember her dreams all that often, though, because she drinks herself to sleep every night x

what kind of person are they? small :-)

would they let someone take the blame for something they did? not under many circumstances, but the show is called ‘how to get away with murder’ and is very much about a codependent family of morally grey legal professionals. so.

what is one way to earn their trust? you just have to be persistent. and CONsistent. it takes a certain kind of person, i guess, because she does not make it easy.

what is one way to lose their trust? she isn’t so good at that part.

one thing they would hate anyone to know about them. eh.

they have to pick one: to be loved, to be feared, or to be admired. loved! loved! but it is nice to be admired. it is sometimes even nice to be feared.

have they ever been bullied or teased? like. yeah. k-12 was hell for her.

FUN STUFF

what are they confident about? her abilities.

talk about their moral alignment. easydamus: True neutral characters are concerned with their own well-being and that of the group or organization which aids them. They may behave in a good manner to those that they consider friends and allies, but will only act maliciously against those who have tried to injure them in some way. For the rest, they do not care. They do not wish ill on those they do not know, but they also do not care when they hear of evil befalling them. Better for others to suffer the evil than the true neutral and his allies. If an ally is in need, the true neutral will aid him, out of genuine love or because he may be able to count on that ally a little more in the future. If someone else is in need, they will weigh the options of the potential rewards and dangers associated with the act. If an enemy is in need, they will ignore him or take advantage of his misfortune.True neutrals are offended by those who are opinionated or bigoted. A "hell-fire and brimstone" lawful good priest is just as offensive as a neutral evil racial supremacist in their eyes. They do not necessarily strive for philosophical balance. In fact, they may avoid philosophical considerations altogether. A true neutral may take up the cause of his nation, not because he necessarily feels obligated to do so, but because it just makes sense to support the group that protects your way of life. True neutrals tend to believe in lex talionis forms of justice.

what will make them laugh? you’re on your own! if it happens for you, you will have 7 years of good luck.

what makes them feel safe? just ... knowing where she stands. that includes her relationships with people. she’s easy to reassure if you’re in the right Relationship Category.

favorite color and the reason for it. blue. pretty.

favorite book genre? literary. she likes old mystery novels, too.

favorite movie genre? nora ephron movie. you’ve got mail is her favorite.

do they have a role model? lmfao

#study.

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atypicalbipolar · 15 days

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Mental Health Month posts from Facebook (because sharing multi year posts suck)

2023

So is it Mental Health Awareness Month? Or could it be Mental Health Acceptance Month? I guess it's a matter of education. But I was inspired by the fact that April is Autism Acceptance Month. I don't know if the sentiment is the same.

* I am out at work as much as I feel comfortable. I lead an internal DEI group and we introduce ourselves each meeting using roles outside of work. I'm a queer person who uses They/She pronouns and I'm a peer with lived mental health experience. My boss and a couple coworkers know I'm a presenter for In Our Own Voice because I invited them to present for June's DEI meeting. But I am NOT comfortable sharing my diagnosis to work (minus my friend) and I can't present myself sadly.

* About this time last year I volunteered to be a 'tech buddy' DBSA is STILL USING ZOOM. This is good for me because the commute home from Belmont after 9pm would be unbearable. Tech Buddies are the zoom host, and help take attendance and manage the speakers queue with raised hands. Going to DBSA let me know I'm not alone in a way I hadn't experienced before.

* My individual gave up her office early on in COVID and is permanently virtual. My group therapist retired in July and I had to say good bye on zoom. His replacement is private pay, but I'm using FSA funds to justify it. I started seeing my Psychiatrist in person only for him to retire 6 months after group did! I'm currently without a prescriber for the 3 time since 2016. Charlestown MGH is overloaded with patients and understaffed. The one difference this time is that I'm stable.

* I'm still running, but I started stressing about it in October, and I think my COVID bout (which was mild) is still impacting my performance. My photo a day streak is STRONG. I even called into a podcast who was doing an episode on "what works for me" because it really does help me get out the house. That and obsessing over step counts.

I enjoy making mental health content during May, but I feel like I'd just be repeating myself this month. Enough has changed from last year to write out this post. If you're still reading I bet you're very aware and I hope you're even accepting at this point.

2022

Mental Health Awareness Month is here again and I'll be posting for the third year.

In a perfect world I could be out on my public twitter. In a perfect world I could disclose online without any fear that come next job hunt, someone in HR will find that and take a pass on me. In a perfect world I could disclose at work even though I don't need any accommodations. It's not a uniform system but I've cobbled together fb, instagram, and my anonymous bipolar twitter account as safe spaces to share. I'm trying to feel less segmented but it's difficult when real world repercussions are a possibility.

Still zooming with NAMI's In Our Own Voice. They're starting to get in person presentations but it's just easier for me logistically to stay virtual. I've zoomed with plenty of places I'd never be able to get to in person.

This time last year I joined DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) Boston, a peer led org that hosts support groups. I'm busy Wednesday nights zooming with the "Young" Adults group. A bunch of millennials and gen z folks using their lived experience as shorthand to bond. It's meant a lot to me and I'm walking with team DBSA for this year's NAMI Walk.

Covid still drags on. Last couple of Mays I wrote that I was glad I had Bipolar. And it's still true. My toolbox of coping skills is flush with things I knew, like taking baths with epsom salt, and things I've learned during the pandemic, like how I developed a running habit. My take a photo a day streak inspires me to get outside. And perhaps most importantly I can still see my prescriber, my individual and my group therapists remotely.

So happy Mental Health Awareness month. You're probably very aware at this point.

2021

I’m taking part in Mental Health Awareness Month again. I am still not out on Twitter*. I still cannot publicly disclose my bipolar, or even just 'mental illness' on an account with my full name for fear of personal and professional repercussions. In these kinds of spaces, it is much easier to navigate out as queer than out as bipolar. *This January I started an alternate anonymous twitter account so I can better engage with the neurodivergent, disabled and mental illness communities. (You'd be surprised at how much those overlap)

Before all of this began, I signed up NAMI's In Our Own Voice. You’ve probably heard about it whenever I mentioned the NAMI Walks I’m doing in a few weeks. We started zooming in August and I want to say it was one of the best decisions I made in terms of advocacy and stigma busting. I have presented to different groups, college nursing classes, one of the inpatient units at McLean Hospital, and several groups of Family to Family, the program mom took 15 years ago when I was initially diagnosed.

After over a year of Covid, I'm still GLAD I’m Bipolar. There's a collective mental health flare happening right now. But I have my diagnosis, meds, my therapy, and coping skills. I have a toolbox of things to try when I am stressed out or sliding backwards. And perhaps most importantly I have established relationships with my individual, group and my prescriber. I am so lucky that I've been able to see them remotely.

So happy Mental Health Awareness month. Now you're probably even more aware.

2020

Mental Health Month Post: I realized something: I am not out on Twitter. I can not publicly disclose my bipolar, or even just 'mental illness' for fear of personal and professional repercussions. I am more out in my queerness than in my mental health struggles. How ironic is that? I wish things were different.

When I signed up NAMI's In Our Own Voice, I was hoping to use it as a tool for greater advocacy but also to increase my "outness" as a bipolar person. Even though the training was Presidents Day Weekend, I never thought that a pandemic would put all presentations on hold.

Sure I participate in chronic illness (disability) twitter and will 'flirt' with outing myself. If you read behind the lines, check who I follow and talk to, you may be able to out me. But I talk about my crohns and humira, not lithium, and I leave therapy to my journal on patientslikeme.

But at a time like this I'm actually GLAD I am Bipolar. There's going to be a mental health flare when Covid starts to wind down. But I already have my diagnosis, meds, my therapy, and coping skills. I already have a toolbox of things to try when I am stressed out or sliding backwards. And perhaps most importantly I already have established relationships with my individual, group and my prescriber.

So happy Mental Health Awareness month. Now you're probably more aware.

#mental health month

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healthylivingwithjess · 3 months

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Everything you need to know about healthy eating (well not everything but some helpful tips)

Almost everyone has attempted to live a healthy life. The reason varies from person to person. Some people want to lose weight, maybe put on muscle, or for some, they just want to feel better. These all seem like great motivators to stick to a healthier way of living... right? I think so, you probably think so... so why do people rarely stick to a healthy diet?

There are so many reasons dieters give up on their diets. Busy lifestyle, too expensive, lack of willpower, not seeing results quick enough, hunger, cravings. See, I told you there were alot. And I’m sure there's hundreds more, because at the end of the day, everyone has their own struggles in life that can get in the way of eating healthy.

Here's a little background into my battle with eating healthy. My 8 year struggle to be exact. The first time I remember even thinking about the food I ate was when I was roughly 10 years old. I remember thinking my arms looked bigger than my best friends. So what better thing to do than go on a diet. How I even knew what a diet was at that age is a mystery to me. Should my mind have been more focused on recess rather than what was going to be in my lunch box? Ya, probably. But unfortunately I was just one of those girls that became self conscious WAY too early. I wasn’t aware of “calories”, just healthy and unhealthy foods. My favorite sea salt & vinegar chips were unhealthy, but carrots dipped in a cup of ranch was going to make me the next Bella Hadid. This “diet” lasted maybe a week or two, but it laid the groundwork of years spent trying to change my body through strict food rules. It wasn’t until I was 17 that my relationship with food finally started to improve. I realized how years of restricting food and not being properly informed about nutrition was what was holding me back from living a healthy life. Now it is my goal to help educate other people who are feeling confused on how to actually start and maintain a healthy diet.

Alright now that the trauma dump is out of the way let's get into the good stuff. Like I said, there are a ton of reasons diets fail. I want to talk about the three main ones that got in the way for me: Too much restriction, being uninformed about calories and macronutrients, and not finding what works best for my body.

It is very common for people to go all or nothing when starting a new diet. Want to do keto? Say bye bye to all carbs. Maybe you're trying to drop a few pounds? Don’t even think about eating more than 1200 calories. See what I mean. So many diets restrict this or restrict that. A simple way to look at a restrictive diet is like this: Telling a little kid that he can’t play on a new gaming system. Is the kid going to go read a book or is he going to think about the game all day. Humans respond to a diet in the exact same way. If you tell yourself you can’t eat food x,y,z, most likely you will think about eating food x,y,z. If you want ice cream after dinner but have a protein shake instead, I promise you, that will not be the last time you think about the ice cream before bed. Trust me, I was the person that ate the protein shake instead of the ice cream.

Now you might be thinking, “But Jess, you can’t eat unhealthy food while having a healthy diet”. And this is where I’d like to introduce to you the 80/20 diet. In the words of a nationally known nutrition expert, Elizabeth Shaw, “Those who follow an 80/20 diet approach enjoy more nutrient-dense foods (think: fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, dairy, etc.) 80% of the time while allowing 20% of their diet (or a few eating occasions) to include less nutrient-dense choices” (Shaw, 2024) https://www.eatingwell.com/what-is-the-80-20-diet-is-it-healthy-8417695

The point of eating in a 80/20 manner is to avoid the burn out so many people face after eating healthy for a few months, weeks, and sometimes days (who hasn’t had a several day long diet). As mentioned earlier, most people who eat 100% healthy all the time will experience the all or nothing mindset. They will have one cookie or an “off limits food” and decide to have an all out stuff-your-face day since they already messed up their perfect diet. Or they might eat healthy for the 5 weekdays then feel like they earned the right to eat unhealthy all weekend.

I used to be an all or nothing dieter. I would try to fit all of my “off limit" foods in one day after eating one unhealthy food which only made me feel guilty several days later. Since implementing the 80/20 rule, I have not felt an urge to have an all out cheat day. I allow myself fun foods a couple times a week so I know that I will eat one of my 20% foods again in the near future. This eliminates the “get it all in while you still can” mindset. (https://virtua.org/articles/the-80-20-rule-eat-healthy-and-have-your-cake-too#:~:text=If%20you%27re%20aiming%20for,300%20calories%20for%20your%20treat.)

Now this might sound crazy, but I didn’t start losing fat and gaining muscle mass until I increased my calories from 1200 a day to 2600. My body was able to get out of starvation mode and use the calories to build muscle mass (which increases your metabolic rate... we’ll get to that in a later blog).

Once I got my calorie intake under control, I started researching macronutrients. For the longest time I thought all calories were equal. Although it’s true that when trying to lose weight it comes down to calories in, calories out, all calories are not the same. If you're like younger me and don’t know anything about protein, carbs, or fats, here's all three explained in simplest terms to help you get started on your health journey.

Protein, who doesn't love protein. It is an essential building block for muscle, the most filling macro out of the three, and is found in some of the best foods like chipotle’s chicken or yogurt (I love a good yogurt bowl with granola)! Now let's talk about carbs. “Carbohydrates provide the body with glucose, which is converted to energy used to support bodily functions and physical activity” (Harvard School of Public Health, 2019) https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/carbohydrates/#:~:text=The%20most%20co%20mmon%20and%20abundant,bodily%20functions%20and%20physical%20activity.

Have you ever heard of people eating rice cakes or a granola bar before a workout? That is because carbs give you the fastest energy out of all the macros. After learning this I planned my carbs around times I would need the most energy; like before practice or a weightlifting session. And lastly, let's talk about fats. I was scared of fats for the longest time. I thought because of the name they would make me, you know, fat. But then I learned how critical they are for hormone health. As I increased my fats, I noticed my mood was so much better, I didn't have as much acne, and I was able to sleep straight through the night.

The last tip for healthy eating that I want to talk about today is finding out what works best for you. I used to watch countless “What I eat in a Day” videos on tiktok and instagram. These videos showed what fit influencers were eating and snacking on throughout the day and I would try to model my diet after theirs. But I realized this didn't work for two main reasons. Firstly, my stomach couldn’t digest some of the stuff I was seeing in these videos. A lot of them were eating salads and veggies 10 times a day and my stomach could not digest all that fiber (aka I was bloated 24 hours out of the day). So I ate less raw veggies and started cooking them to make it easier on my digestion, which made me feel so much better. The second reason copying other people's diets doesn't work for me is because I simply didn’t like some of the foods they claimed were “staples” in a healthy diet. I either found replacements, or made tweeks to their recipes. An example of this is eating avocado toast with turkey instead of avocado toast with salmon, because salmon is probably one of the grossest foods in my opinion and belongs nowhere near me or my avocado toast!

How to develop healthy eating habits can not be summed up in a blog post. However, everything I wrote about is based on 8 years of trying to improve my health, failing a lot, and hours upon hours of research. Although I have nowhere near a perfect relationship with food now, it has improved drastically from what it was at its worst, and I am striving to make it better and better every day. I hope this has helped anyone who’s looking to improve their health but have no idea where to start to avoid the mistakes I made for years.

Sources

The 80 20 rule eat healthy and have your cake too. Virtua. (n.d.). https://virtua.org/articles/the-80-20-rule-eat-healthy-and-have-your-cake-too#:~:text=If%20you%27re%20aiming%20for,300%20calories%20for%20your%20treat.

(2019, May 22). The Nutrition Source. Harvard SChool of Public Health. https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/carbohydrates/#:~:text=The%20most%20co%20mmon%20and%20abundant,bodily%20functions%20and%20physical%20activity.

Elizabeth Shaw, M. S. (2024, January 6). What is the 80/20 diet-and is it healthy?. EatingWell. https://www.eatingwell.com/what-is-the-80-20-diet-is-it-healthy-8417695

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reveriegirlie · 5 months

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I actually got a lot of studying done today. And my test was also nice<33 pretty good start of the year ngl (except for tge fact that I had to see the guy who ghosted me at like 10 in the morning because of the test) but its okay, otherwise the entire day was so good!!!!

I really wanna continue with this streak. And I want to do well on my exams. It'd be nice to have good makes to show my parents and I really really want to make them happy. Amd I also want to be someone to look up to for my siblings.

God I'm being sappy today.

Must be because I've been reading a few sibling centric manga recently (shortcake cake, house of the sun) and they've been making me really emotional ngl.

Why am I so mean to the people I should love the MOST. if that isn't the most tsundere thing I've heard. But I'm not like that with my friends. Only family somehow. It almost kills me to wish them happy birthday too. It's just. Somehow embarrassing. How do I tell then I live them? Even if I'm a little mean and rude sometimes? I dont really mean it sometimes. Fr. But somehow it's just so embarrassing!!!

ARGH WHATEVER WHO CARES

exams are starting from day after so I don't know if I'll have time to write these letters. Honestly. Who keeps exams the first week of the new year??? Another Indian education system L😔😔😔 ig it'll never be good

Today was nice. I wish to grow as a person this year (and in heing to if possible)(I don't think it is possible though)

I'll be eighteen this year

MY BROTHER WILL BE SEVEN. I can't believe it. Feels like yesterday he was born. We were watching tge taarak mehta old eps yesterday. And it was that jalsa party thing going on. And BRO THAT WAS 2014????? time sure flies.

It's my sister's 10th too. She'll do great though. She has always been better than me academically. While I'm a little jealous, I'm also proud. She works for it. I should work hard too. I can't let her get too ahead of me, can I now? Who will she look upto then??

ARGH HERE I GO WITH TGE SAPPY AGAIN.

I think I should just sleep after all.

BYE.

I hope this blog continues to support me this year. I'm having a lot of fun so far<3

1/1/24

(Writing 24 in the end sure feels weird)(OH I WROTE 23 IN OUR TEST TODAY. DAMN, KINDA EMBARRASSING. that's a rookie mistakeTT, 18 this year going real smooth)

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urdadthinksimfine · 8 months

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Which dreams are dead and should be buried and mourned?

Which dreams should I say good bye to? Tell them, to rest in peace?

being a 17 year old anymore that trainers put their faith into?

being a juvenile anymore that people of authority want to help out and mentor?

being in some sort of program like kpop stars, where they have to give their everything

becoming a dedicated dancer/ singer/ rapper in the industry

...

Its so beautiful, this dedication of Ippo, this hard, hard work, the exhaustion that feels worth, when you notice improvement, the love for something, the passion for some matter, not just a vibe, but the whole things itself.

the vibe seems to emerge from living the matter. i dont love a thing. i love what happens around it, the vibe.

the getting up in the early mornings to go running, when its still foggy or in the midday or even evening, the schedule, with road work and in the gym, the people around him, that help him improve, root for him.

he has goals and he gives his all. he wants to give what it takes. ive never had that, but i couldve had that with capoeira maybe, if i wanted to.

even with other goals but becoming the best of some sport, there was no.. supporting enviroment for very strong dedication, there was no passionate enviroment for anything, because there was no passion within my family. it died with grandpa.

what is there, that i could still be very passionate about? with people rooting for me?

being best at some school stuff (school over, but university)

music producing (like yoongi etc getting no sleep and becoming obsessed but thats their life and what they chose, what they need to do, what they need their life to be like)

becoming a very good business woman trying their best with their international connection and relationship to some asian market

a social worker maybe who is working hard to make an beneficial establishment or institution or make a positive change in the education system or something

If i could just dream of what or who i am.. it would be..

me, dedicated to music and performance,

hustling because i know its for this dream of mine, spending those hours of hard work in the studio, in the dance studio

working to pay the expenses i have for my life dedicated to my music

expressing feeling in song and dance and choreography, in video making, in producing, maybe in photography, maybe in writing..

for myself most of all, but also because its my job, with passion, with dedication, with need, with blood, sweat and tears

Its very kpop-y... but can i still do it, just for myself? even if everyone id meet on this path is younger or more experienced than i am?

what if i did all that, passionate, but really just for myself, do my stuff, upload it, work on more pieces, or more styles, just for myself?

if i missed my chance by saying bye to kanghee, missed my chance by living my life undedicated the way i did with no skills,

could i just do it amateur-sytle for myself, with art and music as an ventil for my pain, for my desires? instead of destroying myself?

or am i thinking easy again, because i dont even try going big, with studying it, giving it my MORE, with reconnecting with kanghee, with trying to go bigger road with studying something connected with the field?

or is it just me burning for something, give SOMETHING my all?

becoming an architect, a scientist in a laboritory, something that i have to spend hors in the library for in order to learn and master it?

do i just want to be dedicated, like those japanese next to me in the library? they seems to have a creative thing to study for, because one of them is drawing architectual stuff. reminding me of this one insta-drawer-girl that did those classic, barock-ish drawings of bts. the studied art, too. she studied it, had to find out stuff about it, learn, practice it and its history and aspects.

should i just learn to be a laborant, so i can do that all my life and on my free time be a nerd for music, writing stories and ff, learn japanese for fun and for my vacations there..

if i learned business administration with focus on asia, or east-asian studies or japanology id definitely end up with other nerds, which gives me chance to get into a crowd of weirdos, find a weirdo boyfriend and be fine with it. it would make my free time less lonely, because id be surrounded by freaks.

maybe.. maybe..

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shawnjacksonsbs · 9 months

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My truth(s) 8-19-23

"The way you would draw a tree is different from the way some else would draw a tree - and that's the way it's supposed to be!" - Mr. Fred Rogers

So much of our lives is spent interacting with others. . .

It's hard to differentiate between not caring what some say or feel, while trying to listen to those we do care about.

"I don't care what they think!"

"I'll accept this person's criticism, but not yours."

All the while, everyone has an opinion for you.

Do you walk, or at least try to walk in such a way that Jesus would be proud. Like, do you treat others the way Jesus would want?

Then, we might actually have more in common than you think.

This is the part I want to focus on. . .when I write and in my walk on this side of life, the loving things we have in common.

The things we disagree on that present themselves as toxic or argumentative should be held for higher caliber form of loving that only certain people can handle.

I fall short here some times myself. I used to be way worse about it. But I can't let that keep me from the much needed progressive movements forward that I know I still need to make either, though.

We is it so hard for some people to accept that my truth works for me, the same way yours does for you?

There are issues that will have on us on opposite ends sometimes, but shouldn't the car we travel in be more important than who has more control of the steering wheel. I mean, at least we're riding together.

If I think you're trying to wreck us on purpose, I can just get in with some else, but I truly believe that almost all of us want good and have good hearts. Therefore riding with someone else that I don't see eye to eye with on several issues, can actually help educate me further.

Empathy is better served on the opposition than you think. Just sayin'.

My note-taking is a bargaining tool for my brain. It's the compromise I need, but at more current intervals and in moments of free time, which I sorely lack these days.

It is, still, how I stay healthy.

Sometimes I still wonder what life would look like if I could actually accept another's truth as a truth for me. Man, some of it would probably bring me so much peace. Lol But struggle, having and getting through struggle is where we find joy.

And although peace is important, I wish that I had even more of it, without joy sprinkled throughout, peace doesn't mean as much to me.

Grateful for everything, means grateful for everything. It's still a training exercise for me, for which I may never fully arrive, but I am trying, very much.

A couple pretty cool things happened to me today. It's Thursday by the way. Lol

May or may not be the last note I take, but. . .

First I got a phone call informing me that I was getting my deductible back. The one I paid on the renters insurance claim from the fire back in Sept. It didn't make us rich by any means, but still nice.

And 2nd, a call from the lawyer. As long as my oldest son continues to do good and stays in the program one of his charges will go bye bye at the end of the year. A completely unrelated issue.

Just goes to show ya, that if you do good, ya get good.

Both calls in the same hour. My smile never had a chance to leave my face. Lol

It was a good day.

I'll probably close with Happy birthday dad, R.I.P.

Tomorrow, I'll be reading a book on eagles for Pawpaw's story time in honor of the old man's birthday.

Remember to share your love and your laughter with the world, live your truth, and do human . . .better.

It's only slightly more abrasive than it's relative toxic opposites, and usually only in the beginning.

Until next week 2 quotes to end on;

"I did my homework, explored options and belief systems, and realized that there was no perspective I could consider it from where I actually could agree with it and honestly mean it. Honesty is important to me and it was important to me that I be honest with myself and those around me. Not saying there aren't nuggets of wisdom in many different religions. There are. But I can't get on board with any of them as a whole particularly when it comes to miracles and deities." - Melissa Myers (random Facebook commenter)

"Part of the problem with the word 'disabilities' is that it immediately suggests an inability to see or hear or walk or do other things that many of us take for granted. But what of people who can't feel? Or talk about their feelings? Or manage their feelings in constructive ways? What of people who aren't able to form close and strong relationships? And people who cannot find fulfillment in their lives, or those who have lost hope, who live in disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love? These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities." - Mr Fred Rogers

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spoontoof · 1 year

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may 30th, 2023 3:59pm

i should probably start updating this more.

like, i have no idea why i basically abandoned this blog. it's advertised as my website on my other socials (except for link tree) and i just abandoned it fro no particular reason! i should probably talk about productions and my overall life.

"a mask of my own face" and "touch-tone telephone" are two songs that i've talked about before that i really wanna make into music videos, but, life is getting in the way, so I haven't been able to get much work done on those cartoons. that's the bad news, but the good news is that the school year is ending soon, so i'll have alot more time to work on my creative projects. but uh oh! more bad news. i have to go to summer school for about three weeks in july (monday-friday). this is completely my choice, and, more good news, i only have to go in for 3 hours from 8-11am, and i do virtually nothing for those first three hours, so i'll still have alot of time. now, you may be asking "but bro! why are you willingly going to summer school if you hate the american education system, as you have gone into rants about it in the past, taking one hellish class?" well, for starters, the class is hella easy, so, easy points for graduation lmao, but also, if i take this three week class, (i was originally assigned this class for next year) i won't have to take this class for the rest of the school year. this means i will have one less period to go to, so, i'll either have a 2-9, or a 3-10. basically, after i'm done with this class, i'll be randomly assigned to go into school at the normal time (8am) and leave early (2:25pm), or i'll have to go in later then usual (9am) and come out at the normal time (3pm). i am basically praying that i'll have 8am-2:25pm because that'll give me less work=more me time=more time to actually make things for you guys. but, i'm okay with anything. it still means less work=more time for animating. jesus christ! that was a long paragraph to write, and it's 4:14pm now! damn, it took me exactly 15 minutes to write this post! ok, well i have work to do now, and i'll post something interesting tomorrow. byes.

i can move chairs with my mind.

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joytraveler · 1 year

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64. Spacial Delivery

The title screen shows a stork perched outside a tiny house, atop a tiny planet! When Bea presses start, another stork pokes its head out of the bird-house and hands the first a bundle!

"Oh gosh I love their little bird space helmets. Uh, what about the baby, though?"

pigbarrel: babies don't need air. a common myth! aroseahorseboy: baby asteroids on their way to the Oort Cloud aroseahorseboy: wait that’s comets aroseahorseboy: ok I admit it I just like to type Oort cloud

Your stork picks up the package and flies through space! You have to dodge asteroids and UFOs (which try to abduct the bundle!) to deliver it to an asteroid(?)

No, a martian pokes its head out of a crater. The bundle opens to reveal a baby martian!

"Oh. Congratulation Mrs. Mars, it's a.. well right now it looks like a your head but with legs, but I'm sure they'll grow up just fine!"

Baconnaise: don't you insult that beautiful child HNV: Can I be godfather? I want to teach him how to ride his first tripod! Syrupentine: aaaah this game is so so so cute

Round 2 starts with picking up two bundles! There’s more UFOs this time, including a bigger one that spins like a buzzsaw to take up a quarter of the screen at once, making it a complicated dance to keep the babies asleep!

"Hey, if I switch directions back and forth I can rock them back to sleep again!" She drops the baby off.. but this one gets tossed back in her face! "H-hey!!"

DueyDecimal: Wrong planet! What point do purple babies with three eyes go to?

"I dunno, Jupiter? Oh, that's right next door! Solar system?? Haha how does that work..."

Klickitat_Street: My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pies. aroseahorseboy: there’s a big freaking asteroid belt between your mother and Just, though berd_snurglar: isn't it supposed to bigger? way bigger? TaichouSenseiKun: bigger LIKE MY DICK

"Yeah with a big red spot like that too"

Syrupentine: it’s okay, the baby can sleep in a drawer

"Okay, bye baby gas cloud. Uh.."

ButterflyDefect: Was that a little baby jupiter??! HNV: Congratulations, Jupiter! You weren’t showing at all!

"And now a robot baby. Oh, my heart! Hello baby booper!" This one just goes to the moon, it's actually a baby rover. "You gonna be the best on the moon, yes you are! I hate to part with that one"

HNV: Baby Transformer! Instant fave

Another couple rounds, but soon it would seem all the babies are delivered. But stork #2 hands over one last bundle. Good thing it doesn't have to go far, it's a baby stork!

Syrupentine: AAAH AAAH Bee52: fuck this game is just pure cuteness concentrate

"Awwwwwww man! I'm crying a little cause of this and cause there's a joke I don't want to make to ruin it.. Way to go storks! On stork planet. Which is a place, we know now!"

berd_snurglar: so wait did ms stork get it on with everyone and that's why all the other babbies

"That was it.”

aroseahorseboy: well, sign me up

#jtnuggets #mar 13 #bea #pigbarrel #aroseahorseboy #baconnaise #hnv #syrupentine #dueydecimal #klickitat street #berd #taichousenseikun #butterflydefect

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soft--dragon · 1 year

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SOOOOOFTTT -cry-

I HAD MY ENGLISH LITERATURE AND BIOLOGY MOCKS TODAY

IM LITERALLY GONNA FAIL MY GCSES AHHHHHHHhh

TW bit of a rant

I have maths non calculator tomorrow and im good at maths but like i hate exams as anyone would yanno? but its so fuckinhg stressful omg im also grounded im not allowed to go out AT ALL i cant talk to any of my friends unless im in school and i have gigs coming up as my uncles in a band n shit and its so annoying because im left out of all of my group activities because my report was bad from last term and i need to "sort my shit out" but i really dont. i also need to apply for colleges like WHAT WhY nO and i cant find any good colleges that do a food course because i wanna be a chef and i obviously need a food course to learn to do that like duh and im not gonna get into college if my grades are FUCKED like maybe theyll give me a chance to see if i pass my exams ut if they dont i literally cant go to college unless i find a different course that accept my grades but its not my fault that my target grade is too high like its a 6-7 and im reaching a 3 rn in science and thats all 3 sciences combined (biology, physics, chemistry) LIKE UGH I DONT WANT TO GROW UP.

rant over, i apologise for that.

on a better note, my christmas tree has been put up and i decorated it so im better than everyone in my house fuck you guys

i also have tutoring in 40minutes and im sat on my bed writing this instead of doing important things

fuckkk i really am sorry this is a lot

uh, bye

Oh boy Bean, I'm so sorry to hear you've been so stressed out D:

By now, your mocks are probably done and I apologise I wasn't able to answer this sooner to help you. I'm sure you've done the best you could for the mock exams, some grade expectations are absolute horse shit and it's really unfair for the education system to expect so much from students when they have so many different classes. Surely there's some extra credit work you could apply for?? My college offered it throughout the year to students, so maybe your school does the same?

Growing up sucks, I get it. I recently bought a car and I'm going for my restricted licence in a few weeks. Next year I'm not going to university so I need to work full time and pay rent to stay at home, probably making it harder to meet up with my friends with my hours being filled.

I completely understand why you're nervous about the future and what it brings, becoming an adult where you have to think about your life goals and such is the absolute worst, but it's necessary for development and maturity.

I hope things get better for you Bean, again I'm sorry you've been so stressed :(

#dragons asks #b3an1e io

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ptergwen · 3 years

Text

smoke and mirrors

⇢ richkid!tom x richkid!reader ⇠

w/c: 4.1k

warnings: swearing, drinking, light angst, and implied smut

summary: because of your mother’s insistence on a pristine family image and tom’s messy one, you deny your true feelings for him

a/n: ok ok ok the pics of tom in monaco really made me think and i had to get everything out of my system so here we are! thank you and enjoy x

your living room is engulfed by a hushed chatter that comes from far too many guests. half the people, you hardly know. it’s overcrowded, superficial, and the last place you want to be. it’s one of your mother’s get-togethers, as she likes to call them. these things are always far from the casual affairs they sound like.

weeks go into planning, caterers and decorators making themselves at home in yours. the family’s image is everything to your mom, so being a good hostess is her top priority. ironically, she’s more concerned with throwing her gatherings than raising you. so much for family, huh?

the only reason you agreed to make an appearance tonight is that tom might do the same. he’s a really good friend, someone you’ve been able to count on through all the mess that is your lives. you met in high school, when he moved from london to the states. his dad was offered a job promotion he couldn’t pass up. plus, tom and his brothers would be receiving a stellar private education here in america.

it was a win for everyone, especially you. the freckle faced boy who got lost on his way to english class became your closest confidant. tom’s company is such a sweet escape. he’s not interested in opera or the stock market like most people you meet are. he sneaks you out to go on walks at dawn and does shots with you until you can’t stand straight.

as you two continue to grow together, revelations about yourselves have come to light. what you want beyond your inheritances, who you want beyond friendship. you figured out the second part on a faithful night recently. tom showed up to your place with a bottle of tequila. after you drank it down through lots of lime chasers and giggles, he kissed you. you didn’t kiss back.

your heart said to go for it, but your mind pulled you back in. you were so shocked and overcome with new feelings, you froze up. that, and you’d infuriate your mother. although she cares about tom a great deal, she loathes his public figure. he’s always getting papped in places and with people he shouldn’t be. the two of you together would just destroy her.

you still want to please your mom at the end of the day, no matter how deep under your skin she gets.

tom immediately apologized and tried play it off as him being drunk. you grew up with him, became part of each other’s families, which means you know him well enough to know he was lying. he meant every second his lips were on yours.

what you need to do now is something you’ve meant to for a while. the only problem is that you’re stuck at your mother’s party, and tom hasn’t shown up yet.

“y/n, darling,” your mom calls for your attention. she’s dragged you into a conversation with some bloggers, but you haven’t spoken a word. “why don’t you tell us about your trip to spain last summer?” she plasters on her award winning grin and squeezes your shoulder. it’s time to play along.

“oh, it was beautiful,” you halfheartedly reply, more to the bloggers than her. they nod in clear interest. one jots down notes. “we went for a few weeks and visited a bunch of different cities. i’d love to go back sometime.” the typical press formatted answer earns your mom’s approval. you’re off the hook. your eyes start to wander around the room, hoping to set on tom.

“we?” the woman taking notes asks. must everyone pry? “my friend and i,” you shortly reply. you’re standing up on your tiptoes to see over the crowd. you’d think six inch heels would do the trick. “i’m actually looking for him right now, so if you’ll excuse me,” you offer a polite smile and silently pray they won’t ask who. unfortunately, your wishes don’t come true.

the other blogger, a short and stubborn man, speaks up. “just a friend you say? come on, tell us. who’s the lucky fella?” he inquires. your mother raises a firm eyebrow, signaling for you not to.

tom has a reputation for his reckless behavior. it’s your mom’s worst nightmare when the media associates your names under most circumstances. you’re representing her, so she does whatever she can to control how you’re seen. you’re constantly in the papers, being a young socialite and all. it sucks.

“he’d like to stay out of the tabloids, sorry,” you cover for tom, on your mom’s behalf. “i should really go. it was nice meeting you.” the bloggers don’t bother to hide their disappointment as you shake their hands. your mother rubs your back in approval. “thank you for doing that. we’ll talk later,” she speaks lowly. “bye, mom!” you practically make a run for it.

weaving through the sea of people, you end up by the main entrance. it’s hard not to get lost even though it’s your house. the place is packed with girls just a couple years older than you, wearing pearls around their necks. men’s strong colognes flow through the air. you’re in a form fitting red slip dress and louboutins yourself.

smoke and mirrors is what they call it. you show the pretty parts to distract from your ugly ones.

harrison suddenly comes waltzing in with a lady on either of his arms. you’d expect nothing less. he’s tom’s best friend besides you, considering the failed kiss attempt didn’t change that. their parents worked at the london branch of the same company. they each came to the states and met you. you happily introduced them to your world, helping to make it theirs as well.

“haz!” you meet him at the front door. he’s smirking while he leads the women inside. “fancy seeing you here, isn’t it?” he jokes. “very funny. i died laughing,” you deadpan, curiously eyeing harrison’s plus two. they merely giggle. “listen, have you seen tom anywhere? if he’s coming.” you’re fighting back a frown. “why wouldn’t he be?” harrison questions in a more serious tone this time.

“long story. you have guests to entertain, so i won’t get into it now,” you decide and manage a small smile instead. he perks up. “right. i’ll let you know if i see him?” nodding, you give him a wave goodbye. “enjoy yourself.” “you too, love. cheers!” the girls lean into him, harrison wiggling his eyebrows at you. he’s ridiculous.

hours pass by without word of tom. it isn’t like him to miss an event, especially if you’re in attendance. you despise these exhausting nights, and he’s supposed to be your rock during them. he should have his arm draped around your shoulders, whispering silly remarks to you while you hide out somewhere. you miss him more than you thought possible.

you’re just about to give up when you spot nikki ushering her husband inside. behind them follows tom, clad in a grey checkered suit with his locks perfectly tousled. he’s here. you waited the whole night, and he finally came.

tom kisses his mom on the cheek before strutting over to the drink table, not without a few reporters hassling him. they’re probably looking for another holland scandal to break. he declines their requests for comments on this and opinions on that, instead pulling up a chair next to harrison. the two exchange hugs and fix themselves glasses of champagne, you watching their encounter.

harrison fills tom in on the drama he’s missed tonight while they sip their drinks. tom keeps forcing smiles that don’t reach his eyes. he’s fiddling with his fingers, leg bouncing up and down steadily. those are the telltale signs he needs saving. however awkward it may be, you’re going to have to break your silence. it was bound to happen eventually.

“mate, i’m telling you. she fit her entire first right up her-“ “boys,” you cut into harrison’s story, greeting him and tom. his face tints deep pink upon your arrival. “don’t let me stop you. finish your charming anecdote,” you encourage him and subtly glance over at tom. he’s biting back a grin as he sets his elbows on the table.

“not with a lady present. let’s just… pretend you didn’t hear that,” harrison chuckles nervously and hops to his feet. “i’m gonna leave you two to chat.” humming, you move to take his chair. tom sucks in a breath. “what happened to the girls you brought?” you wonder. “they left. said they got bored,” harrison admits, tom stifling laughter. he elbows his friend for that.

“oh, fuck off. i’ll see you later,” he mopes, flicking your arm for good measure. tom salutes him and grabs his nearly empty champagne. “so long, bruv.”

it’s just you and tom now, seated side by side, silently so. he has no intentions of speaking first. he’s too embarrassed, and you don’t blame him. this is on you. you clear your throat before starting the conversation.

“can i top you off?” you tap the bottom of his glass with a tiny smile. tom shakes his head. “i’m alright, thanks.” he finishes the last sip and sets it down, turning to face you. your smile has vanished. “wasn’t sure you were gonna make it. i’m glad you did,” you change the subject. as if he’s considering the sincerity behind your words, tom furrows his eyebrows.

“mum wanted us to. she dragged me and dad straight off the golf course,” he explains and clasps his hands in his lap. his fingers interlock with each other. you fight off the urge to replace them with yours. “we would’ve been here sooner, but the paps are camped outside.” the hint of a smile forms on his lips, at last. “guess it’s not often you get the town’s finest under one roof.”

“you think i’m one of the town’s finest?” you tease, resting your chin in your palm. something flashes behind tom’s eyes. he looks right into yours, scooting closer. “absolutely. you’re the most eligible bachelorette in this whole building.” you allow a toothy grin to spread across your face. “tommy, stop it. you’re too nice to me.”

the nickname is music to his ears. tom looks you up and down, licking his lips simultaneously. “no, seriously. you look gorgeous,” he muses, you pushing at his chest. he exhales a breathy laugh, and you giggle yourself. “red’s definitely your color.” “reverse card. you wear it way better than i do,” you insist. your fingers tug at the collar of his suit. “too bad you didn’t match me.”

you’re relieved you two can talk like you usually do, light flirting and good vibes. it might not be so hard to put the kiss behind you. well, you can’t go on pretending it didn’t happen. you have to at least discuss the fiasco. tom should know why you didn’t reciprocate, then you can take it from there. whether he still has feelings for you, assuming he ever did, will depend on how that turns out.

“not to ruin the fun, but we still have to talk,” you murmur, tom’s body stiffening across from yours. he’s not sure he’s ready to discuss that. “can it wait? we’re at a party,” tom reminds you, running a hand through his styled locks. “yeah, my mother’s. don’t tell me you’re having a good time,” you playfully chastise him. he simply shrugs. “hardly. you’re the best part.”

you ignore the butterflies roaming about your body.

“you won’t mind a quick convo, then. it is with me,” you attempt to persuade him and place a hand on his knee. tom coughs a bit too loudly, the contact surprising him. “you know what? i think i’ll take you up on that drink first,” he decides with a mustered up smile. “coming right up.” you pat his leg before taking his glass. he chews on his lower lip while you poor the bubbling liquid. that was certainly… odd.

you slide tom his champagne back with an exaggerated wink. tom scoffs at this. “mm, thanks. care to join me?” he brings the alcohol to his lips, eyes never leaving yours. your mother specifically said no drinking tonight, since the press would be here. screw your mother, though. “please. could you hand me a glass?” you eagerly grab the champagne bottle. tom searches for an empty cup next to him.

you two are unspoken drinking buddies at this point.

“here you are, darling,” tom drawls, holding out the glass for you. every time he calls you that, you completely melt. “thanks, tommy,” you purr in response. you’re finally pouring your own drink when someone taps you on the shoulder, and hard. you look behind you to find your mother standing with her hands on her hips, less than thrilled. speak of the devil.

“hello, mother. can i help you?” you make sure to ask rudely. she responds with a smile that’s obviously fake. if tom weren’t here, you’d be getting scolded. “yes, my darling. those bloggers from earlier were hoping you’d finish your interview.” your mom shakes your shoulder in a motherly way. you squint up at her. “didn’t they leave hours ago-“ “they’re back,” she sharply informs you.

she’s lying, and you have a hunch as to why.

frowning, you hold tom’s hand in both of yours. “sorry, this won’t take long. why don’t you go find tuwaine?” you suggest instead. “he’s around here somewhere.” tom gives you an understanding nod and laces your fingers together, even if it’s only for a moment. “must be chatting up some producers or whatnot. i’ll see if i can help.” he’s such an incredible friend to everyone. he deserves the same from you.

“thomas, so lovely to see you,” your mom interrupts. tom stands up, kissing both her cheeks out of courtesy. “you, too. what a wonderful party. thank you for having us.” despite what the rest of the world believes, his manners are impeccable. “of course. give nikki my best, will you?” your mom puts her hands on his shoulders. he grins at her. “definitely. take care, mrs. y/l/n.” “always a pleasure,” she states, nudging you to come along with her.

you shoot tom one last apologetic look as your mother pulls you along and towards the crowd.

tom is no idiot. he’s well aware how she really feels about him.

when a swarm of guests is surrounding you, your mom lets go. you scowl, crossing your arms over your chest. “why would you do that? i haven’t seen tom in days.” she sighs without a care. “isn’t it time you branch out? expand your social circle?” her manicured fingers ruffle your hair. you push away her touch. “i’m social enough. we were in the middle of something really important.”

you begin to walk away, but your mother takes your arm. “whatever you’re about to do, it’s a mistake. he’ll make a fool of you,” she practically spits. yanking your arm from her grasp, you laugh bitterly. “of me, or of the family name? look around, mom.” you gesture to the spot beside her where your dad should be. “as far as i’m concerned, i have no family except tom. i’m gonna go check on him.”

you’re gone before your mom can stop you. she simply stands there, utterly mortified by what you said.

you run around the house to find tom, stumbling in your heels and not giving a fuck. you’d truly meant the part about him being your family. all the holland’s, honestly. they’re the most genuine and caring souls, and you don’t want to lose the one you’re closest to because of your mother’s delusions.

tom is in a circle with harrison and tuwaine, the three of them chuckling amongst themselves. you’d hate to bug him, but this can’t wait anymore.

“uh, tom?” you mumble his name, appearing behind him. he steps away with another quiet laugh. “hey, y/n/n. that was quick, hm?” your face gives away your distress. his whole demeanor shifting, tom reaches for your hands. “what is it, love? is something the matter?” “just… come with me,” you croak out.

you manage to smile at harrison and tuwaine, dropping one of tom’s hands so you can lead him upstairs. they each return the smile and share curious looks.

following behind you, tom keeps your hand tight in his own. he’d thought you were going to grill him about the kiss that barely happened. it seems like this is a much more pressing matter. his outburst of emotions can be discussed another time. now, it’s time to deal with yours.

you drag tom into the first room on the second floor, which is your dad’s study. he’s away on business this weekend, so he luckily couldn’t make the party. tom sits down in the office chair. you sit up on the desk, in front of him. your lip quivers the second his worried features come into view.

“y/n/n, what’s going on? why are we in here?” tom wonders, his tone soft. your heart clenches. “i- i wanted us to have some privacy when i told you this,” you sniffle out and blink back the tears forming. you’re sort of shaken from the conversation with your mother, and mostly because you have no idea how tom will react to your confession.

his hands come to stay on your thighs, right below your dress. they feel warm against your bare skin.

“tell me what? i’m listening, yeah?” tom gazes up at you with so much love. “lay it all out for me.” god, he’s fucking amazing. if only you knew where to start. “do you, um…” you trail off, letting your tears subside and words settle. “do you remember when your family made your big debut in town?”

a grin replaces tom’s frown, painting his beautiful face. “how could i forget? you made it quite memorable.” he traces circles on your thigh and elicits a giggle from you. “i spilled a whole thing of soda on your white fucking button down,” you recount with a lighthearted sigh. “right before your dad was supposed to introduce you to everyone, too.”

tom presses his tongue into his cheek to hold back another grin. “took ages to get it out. dad went mad when i didn’t show.” he cocks his head to the side, you leaning back on your hands. “you held me hostage in the laundry room so you could do that bloody stain stick.” your mouth drops open in mock offense. “i had to clean up my mess! i wasn’t gonna let the world meet you covered in pepsi.”

that was one of your earliest memories together. the holland’s threw a party and invited everyone who was willing to attend. they had been hoping to properly introduce themselves to the town, and this was their way of doing so. although yours and tom’s friendship was fairly new, you spent all night together because you had experience with such events.

tom’s dad was making a speech to thank the guests for coming. you and him listened from the snack table, until his name was called. he rushed to go up there while you were pouring yourself a drink. he’d bumped into you, and the bottle ended up all over him. you snuck tom right off to his laundry room.

you’d felt terrible as he stood there shirtless and blushing, you aggressively swiping his button down with a stain stick.

“why do you bring that up?” tom questions and continues circling your skin. you purse your lips. “i dunno. it was the last party i actually enjoyed,” you admit, putting your hand over his that rests on your thigh. “like to reminisce when i’m suffering through one of my mother’s.” his eyes shift to where your hands are laced. “i see,” he affirms. “so, is that… all you wanted to talk about?” “not even close,” you laugh out.

a burst of courage coursing through your body, you say it. “when you kissed me the other night-“ “i won’t do it again,” tom cuts in, trying to avoid the rejection he thinks you’ll give him. “it was a mistake, and i’m so sorry. our friendship is more important than my feelings.” you seem excited to hear that, though it’s not for the reason tom expects. “you do have feelings for me?”

he’d forgotten about his i was drunk excuse.

“um, yeah. i do,” he admits, cheeks rosy and lip caught in his teeth. “but, i’ll learn to put them aside, if that’s what’s best.” “no, no. it isn’t,” you dismiss him and put your free hand on his chest. “i love you, tom. that’s what i was really trying to tell you.” your words bring an instant grin to his face. he chuckles in disbelief, standing from the chair.

“fuck, thank god. that’s all i’ve ever wanted to hear.” he’s between your legs now, his hands moving up to your hips. you’re beaming at him as your arms snake around his neck. a burning question comes to tom’s mind. “hang on. why didn’t you kiss me back, then?” he almost whispers, thumb brushing over your hipbone. “this is gonna sound weird, but… my mom,” you reluctantly let out.

“you’re gonna have to elaborate,” tom prompts you and raises an eyebrow. you can’t hold back your eye roll. “she’s never been a fan of the person you are in the media.” his lips form a line. “i gathered.” your fingers tangle in his curls at the nape of his neck reassuringly. “i was subconsciously scared i would be letting her down in some way, if we were together.”

tom allows your hands to work their way up to his scalp. he exhales contentedly as you play with his ever so soft hair. “i understand, she’s intimidating. what’s changed that brilliant mind of yours about coming clean?” your nose scrunches up when he pokes one of your temples. “oh, yeah. i yelled at her earlier ‘cuz she stole me away from you.” his face lights up. “sexy.” “shut up,” you groan. “someone had to tell her off.”

“good thing it got to be you,” tom agrees with a squeeze at your hip. “‘m proud of you, y/n/n. it’s not easy, standing up to mummy dearest.” you tug on his hair. “like you’d know. nikki is a saint.” “that’s what she’ll have you believe,” he says under his breath, you gasping. his lips turn up in a smirk. “on that note… i love you, too.”

“would’ve been embarrassing if you didn’t say it back,” you acknowledge with a cheesy smile. tom dips his head down to rest his forehead against yours. “yeah, yeah. save the attitude for your mum.” your legs easily wrap around his waist, tom’s breath hot as it hits your face. “let’s give that kiss another go,” you mewl. he doesn’t hesitate to reply. “with pleasure.”

tom’s lips land on yours, you kissing back right away. he smiles into it as your lips gently move together. “about fucking time,” he grumbles, your hands situating in his chocolate curls once again. he’s savoring every second you touch him, kiss him, love him. the taste of your mouth is one he’s craved for longer than you could imagine.

it doesn’t take long for things to heat up, you messing with tom’s hair and tom rubbing your hips. you lay back on the desk as his tongue enters your mouth. holding you by your waist, tom hovers over you. his tongue tangles with yours in a deep kiss. between that and his fingers beginning to massage your thigh, you’re done for. you’re ready to take this a step further by the time he’s kissing down your neck.

“tommy?” you grab onto his shoulders, your head back. his lips detach from your skin with a grin. “yeah, love? ‘s everything okay?” he coos, pressing a final kiss to your collarbone. “more than.” you tilt his chin up to peck his lips. “you wouldn’t happen to have a condom, would you? just thinking ahead.” he laughs breathlessly, reaching into his suit pocket.

“conveniently enough, i do. not sure your dad would like me fucking you on his desk, though.” tom sets his hand on your leg that’s still hooked around his waist. “my room’s always available. carry me?” you make grabby hands and bat your lashes. he hoists you up by your waist, not lifting you just yet. “that would break the news of us, no? your mum’s gonna go apeshit.” he keeps his arms around you, chuckling.

“let her. besides, i know a couple of bloggers that would love to announce our status update.” you peck tom’s lips, grinning as you do. you’re suddenly in the air and being picked up by tom. the surprise of it makes you squeal, clutching onto his broad shoulders instinctively. he gives you the look of adoration that’s reserved for you only.

“we’ll go pop a few bottles with everyone, then we’re celebrating on our own.”

#tom holland #richkid!tom #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland imagine #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfiction #peter parker #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you

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