#the ever-present conflict of everything they learned to function as a part of a ship that was. not prepared. and responded to its lack of

[quietwingsinthesky]

even does know what plants are though. (as per doctor who canon, the way ships manage to keep oxygen on long voyages is via having literal forests in them. now, nothing to that extent, obviously, they weren’t that well-equipped or funded. but there’s definitely plants In There, probably relegated to a much more ordered existence, think the difference between a natural forest and one grown for logging.) at least they have that. they have seen plants. not often, but they have.

i don’t think they really understand plants beyond their functions (to eat, keep everyone breathing, etc.) whereas with natural beauties and animals and other such things that even has no experience with and can wonder over, they can’t really. do that with plants. the ability to admire a flower rather than immediately think of it in terms of resources lost and gained in its creation is a skill they have to learn.

but you know. at least they have seen them. that’s something. that’s slightly less depressing, right.

[shleezaemour]

The Shadow hunter Major Arcana

I noticed that the shadow hunter tarot did not come with a booklet. Shame, guess I’ll write one. Here is my interpretation of the major arcana of the Shadow hunter Tarot deck. I will be doing the other cards too, but that will take time. I have this section finished so here you go, enjoy!

**The fool!**

Henry Branwell ( The scientist)

Even in the picture Henry is surrounded by his cogs and gears. Always the butt of the joke, but perfectly fine with it. Henry understands that people laugh at him but he knows what he’s doing is for the greater good no matter how many times he fails. The man behind the woman, the levity in the relationship. Brings light and humor to the starkness of Charlottes personality. While he rules in logic, he can see beyond it to create what’s only ever been dreams.

**2nd Fool card!**

Tavvy and Drusilla (The dreamer & the innocent)

Drusilla dreams of glory as she is in the middle of things. She’s too young to go on adventures, and to old to really be a child. While the older kids ignore her for the most part, they don’t understand that keeping her in the dark isn’t going to keep her innocent forever. As Julian said she is the heart of the family, none of them could function without her. While she lives in fantasy with her horror movies and playing the part of secret con man, she just wants to be noticed. Tavvy being the youngest and the baby, is the perfect sign of innocence. Still wanting to be held, still needing someone to keep the nightmares away. Not quite wanting to grow up, because that would mean the nightmares were real. In the picture you see Dru carrying Tavvy, Tavvy has wings on the back of his shirt showing his innocent angelic presence. The scene is at night, showing that Dru is there for him anytime he needs.

Upright : Beginning of a journey, innocence, acting without thinking things through. Potential.

Reverse: Uncertainty, failure to seize the moment.

**The Magcian**

Magnus Bane (The warlock)

Being an immortal gives one a sense of wisdom. Magnus being around for centuries gives him a Scholarly air about him. His kindness and willingness to still trust shows that he understands that history does indeed repeat itself and trust is met with trust. Because he has been there before and bought that T-shirt, he tends to believe everything repeats itself. While it’s good to have the wisdom of seeing patterns, he forgets that occasionally things go a different direction than expected. This makes it hard for him to share his past, due to other people’s reactions to it. Which in turn makes life harder than it had to be. Magnus understands why looking back is important, and also the importance of looking to the future. Finding his true love in a man whom history in a way repeats itself. While he never loved Will Herondale he loved his coloring, now over a hundred years later he finds Alec who has all of Wills beauty being his descendant on his sisters side. Swearing to never involved himself with shadowhunters again, only to fall in love with the boy whose parents he hated and almost had him killed in their youth. Karma works in mysterious ways. In the picture you see on the side table, the book of the white, chairman meow, and Woosley Scott’s snuff box. A clear representation of past present and future.

Upright: Creativity, exploring ones abilities, crafters hands, emerging talent

Reverse: Putting ones gift to ill use, unable to learn, No imagination

**The High Priestess **

Cristina Rosales ( The Believer )

Cristina was raised to be the woman behind a great man, only to become the queen set on a pedestal by many suitors. Even after the pain and hurt caused by all the men in her life she still opens herself to love. This girl is so much woman she needs two men to satisfy her, both seelie and unseelie with a dash of shadowhunter. Strong and deadly with her feminine wiles. Though she may forgive, she never forgets. As was shown with Perfect Diego and Jaime, both forgiven, both betrayals never forgotten. Cristina will give you a second chance, but if you break it you don’t get another one. This Princess of Roses will not be taken for a fool, things will be on her terms or nothing. In the picture you see her infamous butterfly knife pointing right at the black heart. Dressed as she was on her way to fairy with her two loves. In white going against shadowhunter tradition, as is her love life.

Upright: Great Knowledge, wise beyond years, virtuous, a scholar

Reversed: Ignorance, false vision, holding back feelings

**The empress**

Emma Carstairs (The Warrior)

A woman that shows the bloodlust isn’t just a mans realm. Anything you can do she can do better, and in heels. While her search for revenge blinds her to the world around her, she knows how to be the stable rock of a relationship whether its romantic or platonic. The only one worthy of her weapon, never taking no for an answer. Blood and scars are part of her, it’s how she shows her strength and commitment. While her recklessness can get her into trouble, she will not stop until she is the best. As the leader she knows that a good ruler is because of her subjects, and that her partner is there to make her stronger. The love she has for Julian being the only thing that could break her. In strength she even tried to push him away, for his own well being. In the picture you see Emma on a throne of her own as golden as her hair. While many blade sit behind her, only one is worthy enough to be in her hand, Cortana. Her un-lady like stance in the chair shows the air of “Wanna fight about it?”

Upright: Strong female figure, fertility, Maternal

Reversed: Infidelity, home strife, infertility

**The Emperor **

Julian Blackthorn (The artist)

As the silent leader of the family , Julian knows how to make the hard calls without ever showing it was him making them. While his secrets and tricks keep him and his family safe, his constant control of everything around him can come undone in a instant and he knows it. Always the man with the plan. Julian’s ruthless heart can blind him into making poor choices, but his gentle mercy is a soothing balm that no one can turn down while in pain. Forced fatherhood hasn’t dampened him, it’s only made him stronger. Emma by his side showed his unwavering loyalty and how choosing a female Parabatai never made him a weaker man. Even his romantic love for Emma showed strength , the only thing that could make him lose all his self control. Never allowing anyone, even the law stand in his way of what he wanted. For a bad law is no law for the Blackthorn family. Julian in the picture is on a throne showing his position, with paint smeared and thrown carelessly. Showing that even those in power don’t always run the tidy ship. The belt buckle of the ram shows his stubbornness at his center.

Upright: Strong male figure, leadership, ambition, accomplishing something

Reversed: Weakness, indecision, incompetent

**The Hierophant**

Brother Zachariah (The Silent Brother)

A magical man of the cloth. Brother Zachariah traded death for life and knows sacrifice in an intimate way. Never truly changing completely on either side, his love for his parabatai and former fiancée never waver. Both his love and his form are arrested through time. Though the feelings are dulled by magic, they never truly fade. All the while learning the trades and traditions of the Silent brothers, giving him abilities and an outlook that others can’t see or comprehend. The wise one in the room. As a former addict himself he can never give up that which brings him joy, whether it’s Tessa, Will, or his violin. In the picture you see him sitting with his fingers entwines together, the mortal sword leaning against him and a skull to his right side. The skull representing his long dead parabatai Will Herondale, and the sword that makes Shadowhunter’s Tell the truth and delivering justice. Yet it’s leaning.. not directly in his palms. While Brother Zachariah believes the truth is always better, that doesn’t exactly apply to himself.

Upright: Divine, mercy, conformity, Controlling spiritual needs

Reversed: Unorthodox, poor advice, Impotence

**The lovers **

Magnus & Alec /Jace & Clary (Love)

So many types of love between these four. A twisted web of love in its purest form. Two Parabati with their partners. While Alec isn’t Magnus’s first love, he is his first shadow hunter love. The first person where marriage was an option, the only one to convince him to have children and build a real life with an actual family. Alec like most shadow hunters found his love and is sticking to it. Head over heels for the bad boy his parents never wanted for him, yet he is absolutely perfect for him. Young and old fit together neatly in a relationship neither of them have ever experienced. Bring each others firsts in so many new and exciting ways. Angels and Demons coming together in a love deeper than the realms of hell themselves. Alec’s light and dark co-mingling with Magnus’s in a Yin and Yang that finds perfect balance. Clary and Jace were touched by angels, drawing them together regardless of circumstance. Their blood singing the siren song of forbidden love, even that couldn’t keep them apart. Obstacles at every step of the way, first the possible brother/sister issue, then the magical ensorcellment, then the heavenly fire roaring in Jace’s veins. No matter how large the problem, they get through it together. Always finding a way when no path is presented, they make their own. It wouldn’t be the first time a deep love mingled between a Herondale and a Fairchild. In the picture you see both of the couples embracing. Clary and Jace facing each other, holding the other up. While Magnus holds Alec from the back, having his back always, eyes closed in a comforting bliss.

Upright: Love, Passion, union, romance, harmony

Reversed: Conflict, separation, divided.

**The Chariot**

Mark Blackthorn (The Changeling )

Mark was never just one thing, he always had a foot in both worlds. One with the Shadowhunters, and one in Fairy. Longing for the stars and winds of the skies of fairy, homesick for the family that loved him all his life. A born protector to all he loves. Self discovery showed him how his love was not just a single trunk, but all the branches that came along with it, and with that the knowledge that he could have it all. Not wanting to choose, but to have everything he wanted was a struggle worth the burden. Allowing his differences be the reason that he shines. Eyes dual colored for both the worlds he belonged, two worlds, two loves, both within reach. Both worlds bringing him Bliss as well as torment. Shadowhunting meant he would never truly be excepted because of his fairy blood, his bisexuality also driving their acceptance further away. The runes call to his blood, the fight within him singing to rid the world of demons as his mandate. Marks family never wavering in their love for him no matter the circumstances. Fairy being equally as cruel for stealing his childhood, torturing him physically and mentally for his being a half blood. Finding love and wonder in his lover Kieran. The freedom of the hunt, the ability to feel what he wanted to feel without prejudice. Mark Blackthorn has the ability to change his direction to what suits him best, driving his life forward in the way of true happiness. In the picture you see him with two dogs of the hunt, by his side and fierce as he is with his bow and arrow. Fairy clothes and runes both adorning his body showing his dual life.

Upright: A Journey to new places, boldly venturing into the unknown

Reversed: Ruined plans, bad strategy

**Justice**

Jace Herondale (The Angel)

The golden Ichor that inflamed his veins as a child changed our hero. From his golden eyes to his unwavering abilities that go far beyond normal Shadowhunter standard. The law is hard, but it’s the law. While Jace finds loopholes and ways to have the law work in his favor, he never truly breaks it. A true believer in his mandate to rid the world of demons and their ilk. Even being disgusted by the very idea that he might have been tainted with demon blood was almost to much for him to bare. Wielding a blade to protect innocent and good, his wit and charm are the only equal to his deadly prowess. Jace knows their is more than one way to fight, more than one way to win a battle. The perfect soldier, born and bred to fight for the angel. Special talents only equal to his girlfriend, who also shares his angel blood. Pure love drives his motivations, for both Clary and his Parabatai Alec. Finding family in both of them, being a good brother and partner above all else. Even being raised in evil, his natural good nature shines through... even if it is tipped with sarcasm. In the picture you see him as an angel, as Clary drew him in her sketchbook. A lion to his side showing he is the king of the jungle, the alpha male with a golden mane to rule his pride and bring order around him.

Upright: Balance, Strong sense of self, Fairness

Reversed: Poor character, abuse, taking sides, biased.

**The Hermit**

Tiberius Blackthorn (The genius)

Even being born into the world with a twin, Ty has always had a sense of loneliness. Of feeling separate. Everything is to intense, too colorful, too loud, too much! Autism isn’t something known in the Shadow world, and because of that it’s looked at as set apart. Just because Ty is different, doesn’t mean he is condemned. Seeing the world through special eyes, seeing what others don’t. Drawn to routine, study, and Sherlock Holmes he finds a way to exist in this world of chaos with the help of his trusty headphones blaring Classical music. While he loves his twin more than the world itself, he still only found solace in Kit Rook. Someone who never saw him as anything but awe inspiring. An instant connection in a world of constant rejection. While Ty likes to be alone, he most wants to be alone with someone else in the room. No real interaction, just having them there so they can be alone together. In the picture you see the books stacked, the only one you can read is the codex, meaning the rules and tradition plays a large part in this reading. But it’s not the first book, while it’s in the mix many other tomes and knowledge comes before that. The moth in the corner shows transformation and signs of change. While not as exquisite as a butterfly, it has its own beauty that is unique all on its own.

Upright: Solitude, Exile, Out cast, seeming alone time, Secrecy, Hidden knowledge

Reverse: Social, At one with the community, seeking friends or love

**The Wheel Of Fortune**

Luke and Jocelyn (The Destined)

Lovers finally coming full circle. They have a tendency to get in their own way, assume things that are not true. Selflessness kept them apart for to long, finally coming full circle they find what’s always been there, love and eachother. Both seduced by the same man, both seeing him for what he was around the same time. Their minds were always on the same brain wave, and even long believed prejudice couldn’t keep them from the other. Luke would follow her anywhere, and Jocelyn could find him even if he didn’t want to be found. The circle brought them together, just for them to go full circle back to eachother. Forever destined, the angel and the wolf. In the picture you see Jocelyn above Luke, on the pedestal in which he placed her. The circle behind them both representing their start and end. The runes on their arms were the connection tunes between downworlder and shadowhunter. The runes on the circle are angelic power, strength, and voyance.

Upright: Fortune, chance, Fate, destiny

Reversed:Unfortunate events, unexpected results

**Strength**

Charlotte Branwell (The leader)

The first female consul, the pillar of strength in the London institute and enclave. Even being referred to as “the gray mare is the better horse in that race.” While her husband placed himself below her, he is not threatened by her. Henry loves that his wife is in charge and running everything around him, taking the pressure off of him so that he can follow his dreams. Charlotte would never cast out anyone who had no place to go, regardless of her opinion of them. While her build is small and birdlike, most people forget that about her because she demands the room. A personality and sense of authority that makes her appear six feet tall. In the picture she stand between two pillars. She is her own pillar of her community, standing between the other two that hold up her people. The law and protecting the world from evil. While she upholds both, she also stands between them understanding that there are gray areas in this world of black and white.

Upright: Strength, Endurance, power from within yourself.

Reverse: Weakness, defeat, surrender

**The hanged man**

Will Herondale (The cursed man)

Will thought himself to be cursed by the demon his father kept in his study. The demon killed his sister with a sting and then lied and tricked him, making him believe he couldn’t let anyone love him or they would die. This caused him to push everyone away, except Jem. Jem was the exception because he was already fated to die, so Will believed the curse wouldn’t touch him. This belief made him secretive, a liar, and secluded him from all around him. That was until Tessa came into his life and gave him purpose to try to rid himself of the curse that was never actually on him. Five years of self hatred did it’s damage, with Jem and Tessa being the only chance for redemption. Magnus, a Warlock, his only means to find out the truth, changing a young mind about the down world forever. In the picture you see Will upside down twisted in shadow, invisible bonds that keep him in place, but don’t actually exist or have actual power to keep him bound, only his own belief that they do is what keeps him trapped.

Upright: Opportunities missed, keeping ones self in indecision, letting time pass by

Reversed: Wasting time, lack of progress, feeling stalled

**Death**

Johnathan Morgenstern ( Death)

A boy who didn’t even have a chance before his own birth. Damned to be a soulless being before even feeling love and light. His own father created him this way, and he resented him from keeping any chance of redemption open for him. Evil was natural, and while Love was not lost on him it was tainted. An unnatural love for his own sister, a longing to keep what is his in his own mind. Feeling possession over people, forcing them to love and accept him. Deep down inside is the real boy, the good shadowhunter that never got to thrive. In a constant cycle of change and transformation. Conceived innocent, transformed with demon powders in gestation, shaped and molded in childhood, finally to die and see the spark of what could have been. Johnathan is all about changing one thing into another, moving forward, becoming better. In the picture you see him holding the infernal cup, the very thing that is change. The instrument that makes the endarkend. You see his sword on his hip with 4 stars lining the hilt, four being a magical number (example 4 seasons, four stages of life etc.) also he’s wearing his bracelet that reminds him of whom he is, keeps him grounded. Skeletal creatures surround him because eventual death surrounds him (or the death of plans). Red blood spatters the card, red being a scared color for supernatural, spiritual, or in shadowhunter culture to bring an enchantment down.

Upright: Change, metamorphosis, loss, end of ways.

Reversed: Bad situations, turbulent change.

**Temperance**

Jem Carstairs (The musician)

The addict, Wills own cracked mirror, Tessa’s second love. While Jem has his own problems, he tends to be the one people lean on. While he is this driving force in the back of his mind, he wants others to come first. Not really an optimist, but a realist. Instead of growing bitter over his parents deaths and his forced addiction, he chooses to see the bright side of it. Because of those things he found Will, he found Tessa. Two driving forces in his life that supersede the Yin Fen. Bringing balance to all their lives regardless of timeline. His love for Tessa and Will are equal in strength. Having the patience and dedication to love Will, even when Will pushes everyone away. Giving Tessa his energy and deep caring, his music and combining of both Bass and Treble as shown in the picture. Also in the picture is poppies, a death flower, which Jem is always on the brink of. While his violin is pictured close to his heart (Tessa) the bow that makes the sound ring out is by his side (Will). Neither of any real use without the other, and both useless without Jem.

Upright: Patience, Balance, Channeling ones energy, combining elements to make something new

Reversed: conflict, bad combinations, excess

**The Devil**

Valentine (The Zelot)

Valentine was not always the evil man he became, he was once the good son. Much like the devil he fell from grace after his father was killed by werewolves. Thus starting the natural obsession inside him to seek revenge for his father and beginning his hatred of Downworld. With the charisma of a cult leader he did just that by establishing “The circle” bringing the best and brightest by his side to get his obsessions fed. Get in his way, and he will make sure you fall with him. He is not without love or even loyalty, but like his son he sees those he created as possessions. Things that belonged to him. Jace was his perfect soldier, even mourning him after he knew he couldn’t keep him around and stabbed him. Clary, his daughter who can create runes because of his experimentation. Valentine did everything he could think of to bring her closer to him, even fooling her and Jace into thinking they were brother and sister. Jocelyn was his wife in his mind regardless of where she was or how long they had been apart, her hatred for him was temporary in his mind, she would come around eventually or so he thought. In the picture you see him holding the mortal cup, his key to his obsession. The chains surround him, even one choking him. One gold, one black, one silver. Mortals, Downworld, and shadowhunters. The Downworld being the one choking him, for Magnus stated that he and other warlocks were chained to this life by a chain of gold. His hatred for them was his downfall.

Upright: Oppression, material bondage, obsessive desires, evil fantasies.

Reversed: Unwavering pursuit, greed, mind control

**The Tower**

Isabelle & Alec Lightwood (The soldiers)

Here we have the two eldest of the lightwoods, strong as they face danger, both extremely and deeply damaged as siblings. Alec, afraid of his own sexual identity. Always feeling like the one left behind, never destined to shine. His father making his home life a cage, suffocating him with the mold of what a true nephilim should be. Izzy, a born warrior that’s terrified of commitment. Love is to make yourself weak in her eyes. Men are below her and would only step on her toes. Her mother damaged her by sharing adult problems with a child. Telling her of her fathers infidelity, making her lose faith in love and commitment. Both born into greatness only to fall because of personal issues. Yet if hey fall, they fall together. Always having the others back. In the picture you see Alec behind his sister, where every man in her life is placed. Alec sees it as having her back Incase of danger. Alec at the ready with a crossbow, Izzy while having her whip I hand does not have it out to strike as Alec does. Izzy is winking at the viewer, letting us know her place. The church in the background is being struck by lightning right at the cross, showing how both their faith was shaken.

Upright: Abrupt change, Accident or Loss, Ruin, traumatic event, upheaval.

Reverse: redundancy in life, unable to break patterns in life, sad events.

**The Star**

Tessa Gray (The masked)

Tessa was not aware of the circumstances of her birth, believing she was a mundane for the beginning of her life. Only to find out that she was the daughter of a Prince of Hell, a greater Eidolon Demon, and an unmarked shadow hunter. With the help of a spirit of an angel locked in her mothers necklace she was able to be born into this world as a new race entirely, not quite warlock, not quite shadowhunter. Her ability to shapeshift unlike any seen before her, the ability to connect with the persons soul through objects. All the while being able to flip through their memories unknowing to them. Always trying to break from control. Mortmain, her brother, the dark sisters, the clave, all trying to control her in some way. Escaping into novels to keep her inner demons at bay. Doing everything she can to seize control of her own life, even if it meant giving it up. She would be no ones puppet, she is her own and belongs to herself. Taking her new found gifts and trying her best to turn the darkness inside her around and use it for good. In the picture you see Tessa I’m a veil, masking her true face to navigate the world while still holding onto it and herself. Black and white stars around her, good and evil, truth and lies, and she remains in the middle with the veil staying gray. The clockwork angel the only thing unmasked about her.

Upright: Hope, a sign of good things, fulfillment in life’s pleasures.

Reversed: Doubting ones ability, stale creativity.

**The moon**

Maia Roberts & Jordan Kyle ( The lycanthropes)

A tempestuous relationship, not born to last. As the moon sets every night these two had their time only for it to be cut short. While death intimately took Kyle, Maia was close to ending things before that even happened except death beat her to it. While she loved Kyle, she knew like the phases of the moon they are ruled under that things had to change. Maia needed her own space to become a pack leader, and Jordan would have kept her as a Beta when she was a born Alpha. Jordan didn’t want to see it, all he could see was a wrong he did and the need to fix it. Him being the reason she was changed in the first place. Joining the Prater Lupus to become worthy of her love and regiment himself into someone better. Jordan wanted to help, wanted to mend, not seeing that you shouldn’t try to fix what’s not broken in the first place. Trying to convince himself that his relationship was working, that all his atonement was worth the struggle. You see them in the picture facing eachother on a bed. Maia looking at the viewer, while Jordan is fixed on Maia herself. The wolves above them showing their changing shapes, yet Maia’s is higher than Jordan’s and has the look of a leader. Jordan’s is panting and below her awaiting to follow.

Upright: brainwashing, dark influences, trickery, illusion, subconscious control

Reverse: avoiding reality, lies and despair, strange forces, delusional

**The sun**

Simon Lewis (The daylighter)

Simon, being the only person alive knowing what it’s like to live in the three different societies. First a mundane, then a daylighting vampire, then a shadowhunter. Simon has this way of fitting into each as if he were born to it, not without hard work. Clary’s best friend and Parabatai, Simon always finds a way to save the day. Whether it’s coffee and comics, or giving up your immortality in a demon realm to save everyone you love, Simon always makes things better. The only man to tame the reckless heart of Izzy Lightwood. The one who brought the Dregs and Elites at the academy together. The one to win Clary’s eternal love (platonically). Wherever Simon is, he belongs. The only one who doesn’t know that... is him. In the picture he is where he was always meant to be even though he was a vampire once, the sunlight.

Upright: successful social relationships, friendship, engagement, happy times and pure joy.

Reversed: separation, loneliness, unstable relationship

**Judgement**

Livia Blackthorn (The protector)

The other more femme half of the Blackthorn twins. Everything her twin lacks she’s has in spades, as is the reverse. Growing up knowing her brother was a slightly different kind of shadowhunter, Livvy always stood by his side and acted as his personal bodyguard. Willing to even slay her eldest brother to protect him. Livvy wants the best for everyone, she wants everyone to be happy. From wanting to set her brother Julian up, to giving up a possible romance due to her brother having more of a bond to said possible romance partner. She just wants everyone to get what they deserve, even if it’s death. Even her death. She didn’t want to be brought back, but she saw how much her brother needed her. So instead of punishing him away she stayed. She would make sure his dreams were fulfilled so that he could possibly live without her one day, something she should have done in life. In truth she knows that may never happen, while it’s a win for Ty... it’s a punishment for her. In the picture you see Livia in the dress she was buried in. Her trusty saber behind her back just Incase justice is to be served once more, or ty needs back up. Three blades are in the picture for what I interpret as past, present, and future.

Upright: accountability for ones actions, new beginnings, awakening

Reversed: guilty feelings, fearful of death, worry, delay, fear.

**The World**

Clary Fray (the creator)

Growing up thinking she was mundane, clary has grown and fought her way to shadow hunter hero. Clary went from drawing pictures, to creating runes not of the gray book to make her race stronger. Stubborn and small, strong and reckless. She wants to prove that she is more than she seems and always seems to find her way coming full circle. The center of the mortal instruments saga and of the world of her boyfriend Jace. Both with extra angel blood singing in their veins, drawn together by heaven itself. This pocket sized vixen is going to make her mark, or rune on the world. In the picture you see her with a falcon on one side and a lioness on the other. The falcon representing Jace, always by her side and equally as deadly. Sitting on the lioness as it represents herself. The woman in the pack that is more vicious than the man, the one who brings home the prey and takes it down.

Upright: completion of a cycle or journey, triumph, good outcome over adversity, hard fought victory.

Reverse: frustration, incomplete endeavors, failed projects.

[jbuffyangel]

Family: Arrow 6x07 Review (Thanksgiving)

Happy Thanksgiving to you all! I hope you had a wonderful holiday with your family. We get an extra treat tonight because Arrow is on! I watched with my 14 year old nephew. He's hardcore about Arrow and believes Olicity is the only acceptable ship - I feel good about the future.

"Thanksgiving" explores all aspects of family within Team Arrow. There’s love, partnership, having each other’s back and putting relationships above all else. There’s also disagreements and pain, but it leads to truth. In the end, the family comes together to celebrate a miracle and one another. 

Let’s dig in...

Olicity and William

We kick things off right - with an Olicity scene. William and Oliver are busy accepting food donations and the Queen of DCTV is fending off a reporter.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

Overprotective William may be even cuter than overprotective Oliver.

Telling that reporter The Flash is more her type is the biggest lie Felicity Smoak has ever told. A+ cover skills girl.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

No. Overprotective Oliver is still cuter. Well, it's hot. Hot plus cute equals a combination that can't be topped. Sorry William. I appreciate you joining the "Protective Felicity Smoak At All Costs" club though.

Felicity's little head tilt onto Oliver's shoulder while is Protective Husband mode is activated makes me want to throw glitter everywhere.

Source: amanitacaplan

So I'm gonna throw glitter everywhere.

This is 100% the scene where Emily pinched Stephen's butt and they absolutely used that take. No one can tell me different. Don't @ me. (X)

William: Did Oliver save you?

Felicity: He is heroic that way.

Oliver: She was doing just fine on her own.

That's it. That's the show.  Any questions? No? Good.

Source: felicitysmoakdaily

I know I should be listening to Lance and Dinah talk about important mayoral duties, but mostly I am just watching Felicity link her arm through William's and those two smiling at each other.  It's giving me flashes to William's wedding day. Felicity & Oliver walking William down the aisle. Excuse me... I need a minute.

What I love about Oliver's speech is he includes Felicity and William as an extention of himself. 

Source: felicityssoliver

This is a family, these three people, and they are functioning both privately and publicly as one. In a way this in the Queen family debut (minus the white cotillion dresses). Felicity's face is lit up like Christmas as Oliver is speaking. She is so proud of her man. So happy to be part of this family.

As with anything on Arrow, blissful happiness and peace are but a fleeting moment. Just as Oliver is about to unveil the newly remodeled precinct, Agent Watson shows up and arrests Oliver for being the Green Arrow. 

Source:  olivergifs

CAMERAS AND ALL. IN FRONT OF WILLIAM.  Stone cold, lady.

William calls Oliver "Dad" as he is being hauled away in hand cuffs. 

Source: olivergifs

As my nephew correctly pointed out, this is the first time we've heard William call Oliver "Dad." William's pointed "Oliver" in the premiere meant Oliver had to earn the moniker. Being a father is more than genetics. So... has Oliver earned it? Yes, of course. He gave up being the Green Arrow to be more present to his son. That very sacrifice is one of the reasons why William began trusting Oliver more. So, it's a heartbreaking connective thread that the first time William calls Oliver "Dad" he's arrested for being the Green Arrow.

So, why does William choose this moment? It's less of a choice and more instinctual. William is a little boy and he's scared. Fear makes us vulnerable. We reach for protection and security when we are afraid. We want reassurance from the people in our lives that make us feel safe. That is who Oliver is to William. He is home base, security and safety. Oliver Queen is Dad and he’s exactly who William needs reassurance from. There are often moments in life, no matter how old we are, when fear and vulnerability makes us reach for our parents. We just want our mom and dad to make everything better. That's the eternal magic of parents. We believe they can make it all go away.

Source: felicitysmoakdaily

Oliver promises William that everything will be fine. Felicity has a protective and reassuring arm around William. I do take issue with the idea that Oliver in prison (or dead because of the Green Arrow) would leave William as an orphan. Yes, his biological parents would be dead. That technically leaves William as an orphan. I always imagine orphans like Oliver Twist - alone and fending for themselve. William will never be alone as long as he has Felicity.  He will always have someone to take care of him - who will love William as her own. This is why it is spectacularly important to legalize this relationship and get some documentation up in here.

As Oliver is hauled away, William clenches his fists just like his father does when he is angry, worried or stressed. So, let's just run down the list:

William looks like Oliver.

He is Smoaked like all of us, but particularly his father.

William is overly protective when it comes to Felicity

He does the hand clenching thing.

William can cook

Is this Oliver Queen's genetic spawn or what? Give him a bow & arrow and let's see what he can do.

Source: olivergifs

Oliver is FURIOUS Agent Watson arrested him in front of William. It was a harsh move, but she's not looking to make friends with you Queen. She wants to rattle you. Personally,  I am enjoying Agent Watson. It's been awhile since law enforcement was a legitimate threat to Oliver and it's nice getting back to our roots. She runs down the list of all the times Oliver fooled the city into believing someone else (Roy Harper or John Diggle) is the Green Arrow. Girl has it on lock and she does it by using basic logic. It's so refreshing to see on my television screen.

Oliver: Agent Watson, when I get out of here, and I will, I’m going to sue you for  malicious prosecution. 

So, now Oliver is ready to lawyer up for William? Where was this attitude in Season 4 big fella? We could have saved everyone a lot of headaches and heartache if you just hauled Samantha into court. Custody is a thing, buddy.

William is scared and mildly miffed because he believes Oliver broke his promise. 

He didn't kiddo, but there doesn't seem to be a statue of limitations on vigilanting - particularly murder. 

Source:  olivergifs

Oliver reassures his son once more and then sends him home... to Felicity (and Raisa).

Home = Felicity. Facts only. 

Arrow is exploring the concept of a team within a team. We saw this last week with Lyla and Diggle's and now we are seeing it with Oliver and Felicity. The first person Diggle confessed to wasn't Oliver, Felicity or anyone else on Team Arrow. John confessed to Lyla because his marriage supersedes any relationship he has on Team Arrow - including Oliver and Felicity.

This seems like one of those things where we could just say "Well duh." Of course, Diggle prioritizes his marriage with Lyla. Yeah, except that's not as common as you think and it's not as easy as you'd imagine. Also, it's important to build moments like this. We have to witness Diggle choosing Lyla and vice versus to solidify the relationship. These moments are what make a fictional couple real.

How Oliver and Felicity function as a couple within Team Arrow has always been more than just ferns, pep talks and making adorable bag lunches. There are a many relationships within Team Arrow and those relationships can often conflict. So, the question is - what relationship gets prioritized?

Oliver and Felicity's relationship is superseding all of their other relationships on the team to a degree we haven't seen on Arrow.  Rather than tip around their vigilanting life (Season 4) or tip around their feelings for one another (Season 5), Olicity is meeting both head on. There is conflict within the team, but Oliver and Felicity prioritize their relationship and one other above all else.

Source: oliverxfelicity

Felicity uses her start up money to bail Oliver out of jail. Oliver is obviously uncomfortable with Felicity using that money, but it's either that or get comfy in that prison cell. Not surprisingly, Oliver's objections fall on deaf ears. Felicity is ride or die. This is what she's doing with her money. Oliver has also learned nobody “let’s” Felicity do anything. This is her choice. Oliver would do the same for her, so he stops objecting. See? Isn’t this nice when we respect a woman’s agency Oliver? 

(The problem is - it's not just Felicity's money. It's Curtis' too and she doesn't consult him about the decision, but more on that later).

Source: westallenolicitygifs

Oliver is determined to not make Felicity a FBI target more than she already is, but Felicity is prepared to do whatever it takes to clear Oliver of these charges. Oliver and Felicity are determined to put the other first. The entire episode is an ebb and flow of selfless love. Even when they don’t agree, they are loving one another with everything they have.

John asks Felicity to keep quiet about his injury after she finds out. John's logic sounds reasonable. The rest of Team Arrow kept it secret from Felicity until finally they were forced to tell her what's going on. So, will Felicity keep it from Oliver?

There are no more secrets between them. No more lies. John being injured and compromised out in the field is absolutely something Oliver needs to know. If Felicity didn't tell him it would absolutely hurt their relationship. It may feel like a betrayal to John, whose friendship is incredibly important to Felicity, but her relationship with Oliver matters more.  

Perhaps in Season 5, Felicity would have made a different choice. We know in Season 4 Oliver did. However, both characters have learned from those mistakes and we are witnessing a more honest approach to their relationship. They aren't hiding from the things that complicate it, but facing them head on. Their relationship comes first. This is marriage. And that's why they are ready for it.  

"Thanksgiving" ends with Thea waking from her coma. 

Source: amanitacaplan

I’ve never identified with Oliver more. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH THEA!

Oliver wraps his arms around Felicity and William, his sister recuperating in bed and John Diggle at his side. 

This is the family Oliver has built.  This is the family he fights for. He may have returned from Lian Yu to become the hood; he may be the Green Arrow, but this is the family Oliver survived for. This is living. For a man who doesn't fear death, that is something to be truly thankful for.

Source: gothsmoak

Oliver and Diggle

I think the most important "team within a team" on Arrow (after Oliver and Felicity) is Oliver and Diggle. 

This is where Team Arrow started. These men are brothers. They are family. The problem is we don't always get along with our family.  Sometimes we fight. Sometimes the truth is painful.

This confrontation between Oliver and Diggle is a long time coming, maybe even years. The fact that it is honest and needed doesn't make it any less heartbreaking to watch.

John Diggle has been doing some very un-Diggle like things. He's lied to his wife, his team... and his brother. Oliver and John's friendship has been set in stone for nearly five years: John knows what is right and Oliver eventually listens to him.

It's a format that's worked well for them - until it doesn't. The problem is, if Oliver always depends on John to be the moral compass then he never forms a moral compass of his own. If Diggle always has to toe the line, then he's never allowed to make mistakes. This ultimately creates a pressure cooker situation, one neither may be fully aware of until it blows.

And boy does it blow. Scenes like this, when Oliver, Felicity and Johnconfront one another, are rare on Arrow.  It becomes very easy to glaze over the emotional side of things because Original Team Arrow is so busy saving the city. However, that doesn't negate the necessity. This is what makes the scenes so juicy when emotions and secrets are confronted. The backbone of this show is built on Oliver, Felicity and Diggle's relationships. When one of the "team within a team" falters - the whole foundation shakes.

Felicity is obviously hurt and angry Diggle kept a secret like this from her, but to her credit, she is only compassionate on the phone with him. Her empathy will always be her superpower. 

Source:  felicitysmoakgifs

Felicity does her very best to convince John to be honest with Oliver. I don't envy Felicity when she is in these positions. Oliver and Diggle can be very stubborn and when they are at odds it's like brokering peace between warring nations. When Felicity's pleas fall on deaf ears, she takes matters into her own hands and tells Oliver what is going on. She's right. This is something Oliver needs to know and John is wrong for lying to him.

Oliver. Is. Mad. And with good reason. First and foremost, John is Oliver's brother. If he's hurt, if he's in pain, Oliver wants to know. He wants to help. Second, there is no way Oliver would risk Diggle's life, or the lives of the team, by putting him in the field. Third, drug use? 

The sacred tenant of Arrow is both Oliver Queen and John Diggle's bodies are temples. They are to be treated as such.

Stephen Amell tweeted this line out several weeks ago and it did not disappoint. 

Source:  olivergifs

GUT PUNCH. 

Oliver and Diggle have disagreed. They've been angry with one another, but most of the time that's Oliver's fault. This is entirely new territory for Oliver. He's never been disappointed in John because Diggle has never done anything disappointing.

But that's the problem with this relationship. There's no room for error for John. The expectation to always be dependable, to always be right, to always put others first is what led to this situation to begin with. It's why John was able to rationalize lying. Oliver, Felicity, the team and the city are more important. They come first. John Diggle always puts himself last. The lies were for the greater good and that is how even Yoda falls off the moral high ground.

John, however, is not in the mood for Oliver's righteous indignation. 

Dude, really? YOU KINAPPED MY WIFE AND KID FOR THE "GREATER GOOD" OR DID YOU FORGET? 

Oliver has made more than his fair share of mistakes. He made tough calls time and again while wearing the hood. They were calls Diggle disagreed with, but they were ultimately Oliver's decisions because he wears the hood. That's the job.

A job Oliver gave up and handed to Diggle. It's easy to judge when standing on the side lines. When the lives of the city and the team are no longer on your shoulders.

Oliver bites back, rather quickly I might add, that John doesn't get to claim the moral high ground. This is why I've been saying this fight may have been years coming. Diggle has always pushed Oliver to be better. He's always been the moral authority in Oliver's life. As much as Oliver needed someone like that, it can also create a push/pull effect. Diggle has to be beyond reproach. Otherwise, Oliver can snap his fingers and say, "HA! You aren't any better than me!" which is kind of what he did here.

Oliver is also right. Diggle doesn't get to claim the moral high ground. Not this time. This time... Oliver has it. It's a strange place for both of these men to be.

Diggle believes his only responsibility was to the team - to those whose lives he put in danger. That doesn't apply to Oliver. This has nothing to do with him. Oliver is no longer on the team. That was HIS choice, so Diggle doesn't owe Oliver any explanations. Eh... works in theory John, but I'm not really buying.

Diggle would have told Felicity if this was true. Yes, Felicity was spending time with Oliver and William when Diggle confessed to the team, but that was a week ago. Diggle couldn't have squeezed in a second with Felicity and let her know he's been injecting an illegal steroid? Sure he could have, but he didn't.

Felicity is obviously stung she's finding out second hand. This is OTA. They are the core. They may not say it out loud, but that relationship supersedes the relationships with the new team members.

That's why Diggle couldn't tell Felicity the truth. He could confess to Lyla, who is his home. He could confess to the newbies because there isn't as much history there. 

However, telling Felicity and Oliver is more difficult because Diggle is embarrassed. He can't stand the thought of disappointing the two people who have always depended on him. A lot of John's self worth is built upon being the rock for everyone he loves. He's failed this time. Confessing to Felicity and Oliver is putting up a mirror John isn't quite prepared to face.  Sometimes telling the people closest to you is harder. It makes it real. It's not just about admitting the truth to Oliver and Felicity. It's about admitting the truth to himself.

So, Oliver's "I've never been disappointed" is soul crushing to Diggle. That's exactly the response he feared. Furthermore, Oliver can't be more disappointed in Diggle than Diggle is with himself. So, he responds to that hurt with anger. I'll see your "disappointment" and raise you a "Go to hell."

Diggle: I don't owe you a damn thing.

SHOTS FIRED! Oh man y'all. THIS IS PAINFUL. MY CHILDREN ARE FIGHTING. Oliver's reaction?

This relationship hasn't been one sided. Oliver has been a brother to Diggle just as much as Diggle has been one to him. Oliver has pulled John from the darkness too. He gave Diggle a purpose in life and means to do real good. The beauty of this friendship is these men saved each other.

Oliver: For the sake of our friendship I hope that's withdrawal talking.

What Oliver is failing to see is confessing to him is the most difficult for John. Diggle thrives on being needed. His life's blood is being the "go to guy." More so with Oliver than anyone else. So, how does John Diggle tell Oliver Queen he failed at being the Green Arrow?

John tells Oliver the truth and it's a long time coming. 

He puts Oliver above everyone and everything - including his own health. John feels like he can't make mistakes because he's always cleaning up after Oliver. John has built his life around supporting Oliver Queen and the pressure is breaking him. He can never put himself first because Oliver has claimed that position. Or rather Diggle has allowed him to. The fate of the friggin city now rests on it for god sake. Oliver is furious Diggle is trying to blame him, but he's not. He's simply stating out loud how their friendship has worked for the last six years.

It's painful for Oliver to hear, but it doesn't make it any less true. As good as Oliver is, he can also be little narcissistic. That said, Oliver has his own truth for Diggle. He thought John could be a better hero because he always believed Diggle was the better man. Oliver may have been the Green Arrow, but John Diggle was his hero. The fall off the pedestal may be painful for John, but it's crushing for Oliver. So, he bites back with an equally crushing comment. 

Source:  starcitygifs

This is everything Diggle has feared the moment he put on the hood. It's why he lied. Yet, here we are.

Source:  olivergifs

Both men are right. Both are wrong. It's why the scene is so intense. This is the richness a six year relationship can deliver.

Source:  olivergifs

We know the foundation of Oliver's world is shaking because he goes to see Thea. He tearfully pleads with her to wake up. Oliver is reaching for a familial relationship he is sure of because another has imploded. He doesn't know where to turn because he can't ask the man who always has the answers for him. And Oliver can't ask Thea how to fix it.

However, this isn't Season 1-5.  Oliver doesn't need Thea or Diggle to tell him how to fix it. He already knows how to fix it because this boy is raised. Felicity, Diggle and Thea have given him all the tools necessary. Now, Oliver has to put them to use. If Oliver is truly meant to be a superhero, what better place to start than with the man who set him on that path in the first place?

Source:  legends-of-today

Oliver apologizes FIRST. 

Felicity would be proud.

Perhaps Oliver has a clearer view of Diggle's perspective on the moral high ground. Perhaps Oliver remembers he's been wrong more than right. Perhaps he realizes the moral high ground doesn't matter as much as his friendship with John. Whatever it is, Oliver recognizes his myopic view on "taking on the hood" and admits he didn't properly consider everything he was asking Diggle to do.

And just like that these men remember they are family. Oliver is incredibly thankful, as is William, that Diggle is the Green Arrow. Unfortunately, the nerve damage has spread to Diggle's back. The damage is permanent because of his steroid use.  If he continues out in the field he could end up paralyzed.

Uhhh... but Curtis and Felicity could put in the microchip if that happens. See? Problem fixed. No? Is that wrong?

Oliver is heartbroken Diggle went to these lengths for him, but John admits it wasn't all for Oliver. Diggle finally tells the truth. Something Lyla (and I) have long suspected. The lengths Diggle went to, the lies he told, weren't for Oliver. John did this for himself.

What comes next is some screwy logic, but we'll work our way through it. Diggle tells Oliver the "perfect life" the Dominators created for him last year was being the Green Arrow.  Oliver giving the hood to Diggle wasn't selfish. It was an honor.  John wants to be the Green Arrow. He just never knew it.

Time for a reality check. Listen boys, that "perfect life" the Dominators created wasn't perfect. They took bits and pieces of your subconscious and created the ILLUSION of perfection. In the immortal words of Cher from Clueless, " No, she's a full-on Monet.... It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess.” Dominator dream world is a full-on Monet.

Also, it was OLIVER'S "What if?" not John's. 

We know next to nothing about John and Felicity's life in the Dominator's dream world. Felicity had Smoak Technologies and was engaged to Ray Palmer. Diggle was the Green Arrow... and that's about the it. Somehow I think their dream world runs a little deeper than that.  We're saying Felicity's dream man is Ray Palmer? Come on now. 

He's de facto fiancé. It's what life would be like if Oliver Queen was removed from the equation, but that doesn't automatically equal a perfect reality. Far from it.

John has absolutely no idea what led him to become the Green Arrow. People don't normally start wearing masks for kicks and giggles, Diggle. Exhibit A:

Where was Lyla or JJ? Or better yet SARA? John certainly wouldn't sacrifice his wife and child to be the Green Arrow.

The same could be said for Sara Lance. Her sister was alive, but we know nothing else about her life. I'm sure Sara was thrilled about Laurel being alive, but she is not the be all and end all of her world.

This was an extraordinarily Oliver focused dream because he had a lesson to learn. He is the one who was living life in the past. The lesson the dream world taught Oliver is the illusion of happiness is no comparison for what is real and true- even if that reality is painful.

The Dominators did pull from everyone's subconscious, however. There are bits of truth in those dreams. There had to be because that's what made it so tempting to stay.

"He lies with the truth."  - Cordelia Chase, Angel

The truth is Oliver wants his parents to be alive. He wants to settle down, get married and raise a family. Oliver wants to define himself, outside of his father. That doesn't mean the Dominators fulfilled those truths with all the right people in all the right ways. Especially when the lie with the wrong person is built upon the real memories of the right person. It's one of the reasons Oliver was able to walk away.

WRONG

RIGHT

NO

YES

It's the same with Diggle. The underlining truth isn't necessarily that Diggle wants to be Green Arrow.  

“You know what the difference is between you and me? I want to be the guy. You want to be the guy the guy counts on.”  President Bartlet, The West Wing

John Diggle is the guy the guy counts on. He's been content with that role for six years and it's a vitally important one. The team, and the Green Arrow, cannot be without him. 

Let's not forget Spartan is no slouch. Diggle can, and has, inspired people as Spartan. He saved the city as much as the Green Arrow. So, is this just about a wardrobe change?

No, the truth is John wants to be "the guy." The Green Arrow is team leader even when the team functions as a democracy. As long as Oliver was on the team that would never be John. After the mind numbing fear faded, Diggle wanted to be the one making the calls. John wants to lead. He wanted his moment in the sun. It's a natural and very human reaction after spending six years in Oliver Queen's shadow.

Even Diggle's job as security for the mayor revolves around Oliver. Perhaps Diggle is just looking for a way to define himself beyond Oliver Queen the same way Oliver was looking for a way to define himself beyond his father.  However, there's lots of ways to fulfill that need than wearing the hood.  In fact, one could argue wearing the hood only connects Diggle MORE to Oliver Queen. John isn't defining himself beyond Oliver. He's trying to BE Oliver.

I don't believe John was secretly discontent all these years. Maybe the Dominator dream simply revealed he was ready for more responsibility. However, even that is a slippery slope. Yes, John felt the added weight upon his shoulders when he first took on the mantle. He even required a pep talk from Oliver. Does it mean John has felt the full weight of responsibility the Green Arrow carries? No. His losses have been... manageable. 

 As heroic as the Green Arrow is, there is a darker side to this hood. There’s sacrifice and loss. Maybe once John experiences that as the Green Arrow it won’t be as appealing. Maybe that won’t even be necessary. Time will tell.

John is absolutely going through something and maybe it's simply a case of "the grass is greener on the other side." Pun intended. Right now John believes it is. He still wants to be the Green Arrow despite his injury.

The agreement between the men is Oliver will put the hood back on in the short term. Once Felicity and Curtis find a way to fix Diggle then Oliver will hand it over again. This is how Oliver rationalizes lying to his son about going out into the field again.

There goes that moral high ground Oliver. It was nice while it lasted. 

Lying to William is a colossal mistake. Somehow I don't think it would be too difficult to explain to William that John is hurt and Oliver needs to be the Green Arrow for the interim.

If William is angry or upset with Oliver's decision he has a right to those feelings. The point is  to work through them together just like Oliver has done with Diggle. But why would he remember the very lesson he just learned for more than five minutes? That's no fun! Of course, Oliver has to screw this up before he gets it right. Please marry Felicity as quickly as possible. You need her help desperately with raising this child, Oliver.

Perhaps Oliver lied because, deep down, he knows this isn't temporary. What if Diggle's nerve damage can't be cured? Both men have to acknowledge that is a possibility.

"When you can do the things that I can, but you don't... and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you." Peter Parker, Spiderman: Homecoming

Everyone on Team Arrow has chosen this life - except for William. He's had it thrust upon him. I do believe Arrow is moving William towards a moment when he realizes the gifts his father has. Responsibility comes with those gifts. There is a certain amount of culpability in not helping when you can. Arrow has gone to lengths to point out the areas in which William is similar to his father. However, the biggest similarity is still coming. William will tell Oliver to be the Green Arrow because he knows it's the right thing to do.

Of course, the Green Arrow has to live beyond Oliver Queen or else he hasn't created much of a legacy. John Diggle is absolutely a capable Green Arrow. However, I don't believe he'll be wearing the hood again.

There's a beautiful shot of Diggle between the Spartan and Green Arrow suits. He's split between the two identities, uncertain which one fulfills him more. Hopefully John's trajectory will make him realize how important Spartan is.

The question of how John defines himself beyond Oliver Queen is one I am hoping the writers continue to explore through this season. Oliver and Diggle are brothers. They will always be family. They will always have each other's back. However, it's no different than Felicity and her company. John Diggle needs something that's just his too.

Felicity and Curtis

Oliver and Diggle aren't the only "team within a team" facing dramatic tension this week. Curtis and Felicity aren't very happy with one another and it reveals the seams in this partnership.

Felicity is upset Curtis didn't check with her before he injected their proprietary tech into Diggle. Curtis feels justified in doing so because Felicity never checked with him about the name or their company or the tech they would be making. It is after all HIS technology.  Felicity feels they work independently and that's what makes them a great team. They don't need to check in with one another over every little detail. However, there seems to be some grey area on what details they do need to check in about.

Not unlike Oliver and Diggle, both Curtis and Felicity are right and wrong.  They manage to get through the weekly threat before apologizing to one another. However, Curtis doesn't look to pleased to hear Felicity has "one more thing" she didn’t check with him on. We don't get to see his reaction to Felicity bailing out her boyfriend with their start up cash. The only threat to that money is if Oliver skips town and he’s not going to do that. So, hopefully Curtis is as willing to help out Oliver as Felicity is. 

I am a little... I don't know what I am. Yes I do. I’m annoyed.

Curtis has a legitimate beef with Felicity. I won't argue that. I also recognize as Felicity Smoak goes, so goes my nation. That said, this fight does bring my issues with Curtis to the forefront.

Curtis' integration into the team has been the weakest and it's often to the detriment to Felicity's character. There were so many times last season when Curtis "mansplained" something to Felicity or she suddenly required Curtis' help with a hack she could have done in her sleep the previous seasons. There were even times Felicity acted completely out of character either by ignoring or not caring about important details, just so Curtis could be the "smart" hero and save the day. My personal fave was when Curtis lectured Felicity ( a victim of gun violence) about gun violence.

This went on all season last year and it made me dislike a character that I'd previously been pretty fond of. Season 6 has been better. Arrow has been dividing Curtis and Felicity's talents into separate spheres. Felicity is the hacker and Curtis is the inventor.  These were always the spheres the characters should have been in. Curtis stepping all over Felicity to make himself relevant was completely unnecessary last year.

It's difficult to believe the Arrow writers didn't hear out complaints with lines like these:

Curtis: Can you come back and do this? Because you’re like way better at this than I am.

Arrow has even gone to great lengths to show Felicity is the alpha in Helix Dynamics. She is the Jobs to Curtis' Wozniak. She’s the leader.

We can't go ONE EPISODE with Curtis feeling slighted, ONE EPISODE where he feels like Felicity stepped on him, ONE EPISODE where she takes imitative and doesn't consult with him, without ending with Felicity apologizing to him. Meanwhile, Felicity is still waiting for an apology for all his behavior last season.

Hell, we're still waiting for Arrow to RECOGNIZE the misogynistic behavior. Felicity was never allowed to defend herself, push back on Curtis or express even the slightest bit of displeasure anytime he walked all over her. But Curtis is upset about the company name! Better devote 10 minutes of the episode to it! Felicity better apologize!

Give me a fucking break. Somehow if Curtis was the alpha in the company I don't think these conversations would be happening. Yes, they are partners, but as we've seen with Team Arrow there's always someone making the tough calls. There's always a leader even in the most democratic of partnership. Arrow has been pretty clear that person for Helix Dynamics is Felicity. So, stop making her apologize for it.

Quentin Lance

This week on "As The Lances Turn" Quentin decides he's done with his doppelganger daughter. Or is he? Dun dun DUNNN!!! *cue dramatic soap opera music*

Lord, I cannot tell you how much I don't care about this storyline. One week Quentin wants to redeem BS. The next week he wants to put a bullet in her. Only to regret not putting a bullet in her the following episode.

We are officially at character whiplash stage. Every time he's on screen I ask, "Which Quentin are we getting this week?" It's not unlike when L*urel was on the show. It's like the inconsistent LL writing has spread to Quentin like a disease. WE MUST SAVE HIM FANDOM. WE'RE LOSING HIM.

For the record Quentin:

BS is not LL

You do not need to redeem her just because she looks like LL. My husband's cousin just married Candice Accola’s look-alike. Did I ask her for an autograph, her perspective on Caroline Forbes, or what it's like to film with Paul Wesley? NO! THEY ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON!

All of those murders are on BS. END. OF. DISCUSSION.

There's a nice little scene between Lance and Dinah where she admits she let her boyfriend go because she wants to see the good in him. Julianna Harkvay and Paul Blackthorne do their best with what they are given. My problem is not with the acting, but with the writing. We are seven episodes in and Quentin has had the same conversation with anyone he's shared a scene with anytime he's on the damn show. Either get him a new storyline or move it along with this one.

It's difficult to move the BS redemption storyline along because that would requires BS to be on the show. Seriously, they put her in the EPISODE DESCRIPTION and I think she clocked 3 minutes of actual screen time. And those three minutes weren't much. BS is nothing more than Cayden James’ hired thug. 

But sure, Arrow is itching to redeem her.

Stray Thoughts

Billy Joel needs new people who listen to the mayor when he says there is a viable threat.

Oliver's growly voice is my sexual identity.

Really hope the discussion between Oliver and William isn't recorded, because the kid totally outed his dad as the Green Arrow. LEARN SOME COVERT SKILLS KIDDO.

Diggle gives a very Green Arrow speech. I was all inspired and motivated. So, I got up and went to the fridge for more stuffing. Inspiration and motivation look different on everyone.

Can a needle penetrate muscles this size? Source:  fellicityqueen

Diggle has a sexy scar on his shoulder. I feel like a scar is a pre-requisite to wearing the Green Arrow suit.

Was that Moira's attorney?

"I will distract myself by clearing your good name." It’s so beautiful how far Oliver and Quentin’s relationship has come.

Rene is becoming the One-Liner King:

“I'm going to work on algorithm over there after I figure out what an algorithm is." 

“I happen to like a wide variety of music and "The Stranger" is a treasured piece of rock and roll history.

“I wanted to see Billy Joel.” Same Rene.

Auntie Thea = Jen pile of mush. Source: gothsmoak

My childhood: a summary. Source: gothsmoak

Does Arrow realizes babies come in another gender? This gender is called FEMALE. What's with all the sons?

Alright, but who's Cayden James' son?

Felicity issuing orders. YASSS!!!!!

Felicity voting #TeamDinah is the kind of female solidarity I like on my TV screen.

Of course Oliver had to make an entrance. Good to have him back in the suit. Source:  olivergifs

Agent Watson double dared Oliver to reveal his identity. Get ready for a Tony Stark moment by the end of the season!

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me. 6x07 episode gifs credited.

[whitelippedviper]

Gundam Diaries: Mobile Suit Gundam 0079 Compilation Movies

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“The life Ral and I had was so much richer than yours!  And the one who ended it, kid, was you!” -Lady Hamon, Mobile Suit Gundam the Origin (Yaz)

Watching the Mobile Suit Gundam 0079 movies, I was really struck by how much an elegy they are.  This is something that is really ramped up in Origin--but is still very much in this series.  Ostensibly, Amuro Ray, our “hero” stalks his way through the old world order, destroying everything in his path without sentiment.  It’s notable that Ray is not the one who kills the actual terrible members of the Zabi family, like Gihren.  Instead Ray kills good people like Ramba Ral, Lady Hamon, and Lalah--and then a bunch of random zeon soldiers who get in his way, counting them being the only sentiment he really can conjure up.  You get the sense that he is only with the white base because that’s where the gundam ended up and nothing more.  

I was trying to pinpoint the moment Amuro switches over from the false justification of protecting others to simply ushering in a new newtype era--but I don’t think that moment exists.  When his father says that the gundam is more important than people--Amuro questions him that once, and that I think is the question that ends up powering his character through these films.  Do human lives matter more than the gundam?  And the Gundam is the way by which Amuro’s powers become manifest and he is able to become a god and decide who lives and who dies(with only the sort of antichrist figure Char to oppose him).

Char is interesting because even though he eventually gets the point of espousing a newtype supremacist message, it’s also at the same time that he is professing to be a man “who has abandoned his past”--which he says while riding a horse he learned to ride in the colony he grew up in, TO his sister, who it turns out he never actually abandons.  And even when he says he revenge against the Zabi family was no longer his goal, even that eventually is shown to be something of a lie.  Char is such a conflicted identity--I mean he’s three people--he’s the child Casval pledging revenge, he’s Édouard Mass--an identity and age between two points, not quite Casval anymore, but not Char yet--and then Char, hero of Zeon.  I think fundamentally he’s someone who could never let go of the pride of being ostensibly royalty. So everything he does is to protect his vanity, and not admit his own fault--and so his ideologies, mostly just shift to what identity is most flattered by that moment.  He’s like one man with three faces, behind a mask, trying desperately to make sense of the horror of his world and the catastrophic choices he’s made.  The difference between Char and Amuro is that Char has a conscience that he has to ignore to function--Amuro doesn’t--Amuro only knows one direction and that is forward to the new age.  And Amuro was like that even before the war started.  Or you could say the war started for him early, since his father basically split his family apart to go make weapons. It reminds me of the weapons manufacturing links to something like the columbine shootings, and this was something Dylan and Kleebold brought up, was that this was a place where the bombs were made.  I wonder what kind of strain it puts on you as a child to reconcile the prosperity of those around you in your community with the exportation of death around the world?  I think it must have some effect.  Like for me as a kid, the issue was the idea of a judgemental divine omniscient being that I remember even like five or six years old, just being torn apart by that idea.  And how going through that kind of existential crisis at such an early age, made it easier for me to sidestep the kind of angsty teen approach to religion a lot of people get, and helped shaped my empathy for others in a weird way.  I don’t know what it is to be a child and be confronted with weapons manufacturing for the empire? I think in Amuro’s case, it helps turn him into a sociopath.  Since his father doesn’t love him and instead loves weapons, Amuro never learns to love humans, and instead learns to fetishize machines.  There’s a panel in Origin that I can’t get out of my head when watching 0079.  It’s Sayla watching as a zeon ship is destroyed, “In that flash of light, hundreds of lives ended, and you get used to it...yes...I can tell”(Origin, YAZ)--everytime Char or Amuro blow up an entire ship, I just think the only difference between that ship and the white base is we actually get to see the lives of the people on white base.  And I think the difference between Amuro and Char in this is that when Char destroys these ships, it’s his Char personality--the zeon hero--he’s doing it as part of his larger, Casval scheme for revenge against the Zabis--so I like to think maybe the Édouard Mass part of his personality hates it all, because Édouard hated bullies to a large extent, and he doubted authority.  Amuro doesn’t have those bifurcations.  He’s pure newtype.  In that respect, his rival was really Lalah, who was a much purer character in some respects--she only fought out of love of Char.

Which is probably larger theme I’ll talk about in terms of Gundam--like where is the turning point where fighting for something so micro and personally important becomes just an inconsequential needle in the haystack of slaughter that is war?  Also when is war justified?  Is it ever justified?  In 0079, we are presented with a situation where earth was definitely exploiting the colonies to an unbearable degree--but then a fascist took charge of that moment and dropped one of those colonies on earth--at what point did the justifiable position of Zeon independence become an attempt to wipe humanity from earth?  But also why did Revil turn down peace talks?  Was he right to take that attack on earth as such an unconscionable act that it demanded even more blood?  Think about it in terms of the US after 9/11...we frame all of these wars as after 9/11--but the attacks themselves are rooted in a bloody imperialist history dating back to WW2.  We say, like Revil, that we are the victims and someone must pay--but the people who pay, were already paying before 9/11 and that’s why 9/11...and you roll it over in your mind enough times, and the only thing that you see that makes sense is just the senseless slaughter of people--we are all people, some were born here, some were born there--but we all want the same things--but history has been thrust on us, and these systems are in place that perpetuate themselves in terms of hatred, in terms of blood, in terms of war.  The US itself exists to the degree of prosperity that it does, because it profited off of both world wars.  Basically all the wealth of europe that europe had taken out of the rest of the world got transferred to the US at that point--and once we got a taste for that, we just kept it going.  The cold war was mostly just Americans and Russians getting fat of exporting war around the globe.  Even today the US and Russia are the top two weapons dealers, and third place is very distant.  This happens in 0079 too.  One of the colonies, Side...6 I think...professes neutrality, but is mostly just profiting off of selling weapons to both sides.  So I’m just like...where do you say these things start?  Where do they ever end?  How many more Chars and Amuro’s were made to repeat this cycle? I dunno.  Kai is the only real dude in this whole show.

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Hope you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Molly Weasley!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

This was such a tough decision for us but your interpretation of Molly won us over! It was clear from the very first part of your application just how much you love her as a character and you gave us such a good look at your vision for her and really brought her to life. Your writing sample also gave us a clear idea of who Molly is and explored so many sides of her as well as giving us a strong idea of her role within the Order and relationships to others around her. We are very excited to have you back and cannot wait to see what journey you choose to take Molly on! *your FC change to Rose Leslie has been accepted!

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Hello, hello! My name is Hope, I prefer she/her pronouns, and I live in the EST time zone!

ACTIVITY

WELL, I’m not in a show for a while, and all in all my class load is light. I believe I’ll be reliably within a 6-7, and I’m excited and thrilled at the prospect of coming back, better than ever!

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

Former player, but before that I learned about this RP from a current member!

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I’ve always been hard working and ambitious, with a drive to prove myself to people who don’t believe that I can achieve everything I want for my future. Therefore, I’ve always felt like Hermione Granger is the character I’ve related to the most.

ANYTHING ELSE?

That’s all from me, thanks darlings!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Molly Alexandra Weasley (née Prewett)

Alexandra is an ancient name, which became popularized in Europe after the thirteenth Century. It means Defender of Man, a meaning well suited to describe Molly herself.

FACE CLAIM

I prefer Rose Leslie, but Sarah Drew is a lovely alternative. Whichever you prefer!

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

I’ve adored Molly as a character since the first time I read the Harry Potter series, and since her first introduction. Molly Weasley saw a boy, alone and confused at King’s Cross Station, helped him find the platform (even though she had her hands full with five children of her own), and made sure he got on the train safely. Molly Weasley couldn’t bear the thought of that little boy waking up on Christmas morning without any presents, and who, despite having her strained time and resources, knit him a jumper like her children, to make him a part of her family. Molly Weasley is the ultimate mother figure, and a guiding hand without whom Harry could not have functioned. In a story with so many orphans, and casualties of war, and so much loss and pain, Molly and Arthur’s beautiful, supportive family, and their unbreakable love for one another, is an extremely inspirational beacon of light in the community.

Molly’s motherly instincts are a driving force within her, and her archetype of The Mother is apparent in all parts of her life. Even Molly’s exceptional aptitude for healing spells show her big heart, and how much of her spirit is dedicated to taking care of others. I see Molly as an old soul, and a romantic. She reads books about true love conquering all, and strong, wise women who, despite incredible odds, overcome their circumstances to build happy lives for themselves and those they love. Molly Weasley is the type of woman who would let a friend stay at her house indefinitely, if they ever needed to get away. Molly Weasley is the type of girl who would see her classmate who came to school without a lunch, and would bring extra, so they could be fed while maintaining their dignity. While Molly is gentle and kind, she is indestructible, and a force of nature to be reckoned with when she’s been angered. Molly would drag herself over broken glass by her fingernails for her family, and is fiercely protective of anyone she takes under her wing. I see Molly as a Mother figure within the Order, looking at these young people and doing her utmost to protect them, to shield what remains of their childhoods. She is especially protective of her younger siblings, Fabian, Gideon, and Alice, whom she has spent a lifetime caring for.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

MOLLY AND ARTHUR WEASLEY ARE MY DARLINGS. I love them so much. In my opinion, Arthur has been Molly’s lifelong love, since they were housemates in school. Their marriage is an example of true love, and hard work, and compassion. Which is not to say there is no conflict, which can be elaborated on within threads!

Molly identifies as female, and it is my belief that she has far too much love in her heart for gender determine her love for someone. She uses She/Her pronouns.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

-AN AESTHETIC

(extended associations!)

~ golden sunlight ~ soft music ~ wooden record players ~ cream colored sweaters ~ steam rising from a hot cup of tea ~ lazy good morning kisses ~ wool on bare skin ~ red autumn trees ~ the crunch of leaves underfoot ~ vanilla ~ hugs around the neck ~ hour long conversations ~ earthenware bowls ~ hearty breakfasts ~  fresh cookies ~ spending all day cuddling ~ worn out armchairs ~

-A PLAYLIST (mini time!)

Artholly:

Say You Won’t Let Go by James Arthur

Dearest by Buddy Holly

Happy Together by The Turtles

Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

No One Else sung by Denee Benton from Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812

Molly:

Phenomenal Woman by Olivia Newton-John

-EXPAND ON THE TRAITS

Assertive: (+) Molly is a woman with a good head on her shoulders, and a strong moral compass. As such, when someone disagrees with her, she is able to deliver a competent, logical reasoning for her opinions. Molly is especially firm when her loved ones are involved. Molly will always stand for her family’s best interests, and will always stand up for herself and others when she believes there are injustices being committed.

Passionate: (+) When Molly gives her heart to something, whether it be an occupation, a goal, or a lover, Molly gives it all. She has never been one to let circumstance or hardships keep her from what she wants, and what she imagines for herself. For Molly, if you aren’t being passionate about something, you don’t care about it enough. So, she puts her soul into the things she cares about, like her relationships. She is tenacious, and will do anything for those she loves.

Temperamental: (-) However, Molly’s assertiveness and passion can sometimes result in her becoming very angry when she is hurt, or betrayed. Molly is a very stubborn woman, and when she encounters something that stands in the way of what she wants, or what is in the best interest of her family, she will blow up at it. In relationships, Molly’s temper is always in the best interest of the people she loves. For example, if she believes that someone she loves is doing something dangerous, something she knows they shouldn’t be doing, she will tell them so, and become very angry if they refuse to change. She can be easily provoked into an argument, but she’s never malicious or in search of conflict.

Overprotective: (-) While her motherly instincts are an asset in many ways, it can be one of Molly’s more annoying attributes, especially to her little sister Alice and some of the younger members of the Order. While they are technically adults, and fellow soldiers in this war, she can be sharp with them when she believes they’re being careless, or putting themselves in danger. She’s significantly protective of Alice, whom she has watched grow up from her childhood, and for whom she feels responsible. She can be smothering, trying to prevent someone from doing something because she believes it’s too dangerous for them.

-A FEW HEADCANONS

Boggart: Molly’s boggart is her siblings’ mangled corpses, with Arthur later included. She cannot stand the idea of seeing them dead, and even the thought is enough to bring Molly’s stomach into her mouth and set her in a cold sweat.

Patronus: Molly’s patronus is, appropriately, a bear. Bears are extremely protective of their cubs, and are representative of the overwhelming strength that lies within her.

Wand: Molly’s wand is a flexible 10-inch willow wood wand, with a unicorn hair core. Willow is a tree known for withstanding the toughest storms, due to its ability to bend and sway in wicked winds; it is best suited for those with great aptitude for healing.

 -A FEW POTENTIAL PLOT POINTS

❧ Arthur being injured during a mission, or during a duel against a Death Eater. Plots include her helping nurse Arthur to health, psychological aftermath of the idea of Arthur dying, and being left alone (as a young mother with young children, if they have their kids already), and the resulting paranoia and fear. How she overcomes it, or doesn’t.

❧Molly’s general involvement with the Order, and any missions/jobs she does to help them.

❧Molly meeting/having a conflict with a member of Aversio, because while they, too, wish to defeat Voldemort, she stands completely opposed to their methods.

❧Molly being captured and tortured by death eaters, her panic about not being able to protect her family and her fear that they’ll do something rash to save her

❧MOLLY GETTING PREGNANT (AGAIN) DURING THE WAR. MOLLY AND HER BABIES. MOLLY WEASLEY DEVELOPING SEPARATION ANXIETY BECAUSE EVERY TIME ARTHUR LEAVES OR SHE HAS TO LEAVE THE CHILDREN FOR A MOMENT SHE’S STRICKEN WITH FEAR AND GUILT.

❧Molly dealing with trying to raise young children and give them a normal life despite the threat of death and destruction all around them.

(Really anything, I’m open to any plots that can be thrown at me.)

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“Oh! That’s a good one. I’d have to say… I’d like to create a way to cast several healing spells at once, just in case of an emergency. I’d hate to ever need to use it, but there have been times, you know–… Where things go awry. But if the situation arose, I think it could be invaluable.

Barring that, a potion to safely help the twins finish teething would be life-changing.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“Oh, well, Arthur of course. I honestly can’t imagine taking anyone else with me! And for an object, I’d say either an invisibility cloak, or what Arthur says the Muggles call a “chainsaw”, in the event we need to get out quickly.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Those where I know the right thing to do, but it may put me or Arthur at risk. I have obligations to the Order—this is a war after all. But I have my children to think about. When I take dangerous missions, I feel immense guilt. When I shy from them, however, I still feel guilt. It’s a double-edged sword.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“That I failed to do enough to fight while those around me suffered. Or that I wasn’t good enough as a parent. If I ever gave my children a reason to say that about me, I couldn’t live with it.”

WRITING SAMPLE

Molly had learned to live her life with little boxes. Her cupboards and closets were stuffed to the brim with scratched wicker baskets, sturdy heirloom chests made of oak, old garment boxes with mismatched lids, all in an attempt to create the storage space necessary to support her growing family of seven. When there were so many of them in one house, and so much shared property, it was important to sort the few independent belongings the children had into labeled containers. Bill, a stern 8 and ½, and Charlie, an enthusiastic six year old, had had enough territory disputes to drive her mad; Charlie followed his big brother around like a puppy, and so often found himself with Bill’s things in hand, in an attempt to emulate his big brother. Bill, who’d had enough of his toys being smashed by the little one’s indelicate fingers, begged Molly to keep his things away from the toddler. For a long time, she insisted that he try to share, that he just teach Charlie to play nicely with his belongings. After Percy was born, however, Molly found it necessary to start dividing up her children’s things, which evolved into her obsession with keeping things in little boxes.

Boxes were how she kept herself sane. Compartmentalizing. She learned to keep parts of herself bottled up, far away from her children. When she was with the children, when it was family time, she belonged entirely to them. But when it came to matters of the Order, she kept those hidden, and never allowed the two to meet. Even the rooms in her house shared her divided mind. The dining room, for instance, which was a sacred place for her family, was a servant of two masters. By day, it was where she fed and nurtured her children; where Arthur read crisp, new printings of The Daily Prophet, beckoning her over if there was a story he thought she may like; where her and Arthur shed happy tears as their baby twins, now hardly a year old, babbled their first words; where her little Percy, who had learned to walk but much preferred to be carried, would perch happily on her hip while she made dinner for the family; the dining room was where her and Arthur would steal a tender moment alone after the children were abed, dancing slowly to soft music floating from the Muggle gramophone he’d enchanted and set on their windowsill.

By night, however, her dining room was transformed. It would frequently become a war-room for the Order of the Phoenix and its secret soldiers. Plans were made, defenses measured, good witches and wizards brought back, in agony, after violent run-ins with Death Eaters, and she would immediately set to healing their wounds. Blood had been shed in her family’s sacred space, blood which she would later diligently clean in order to keep her children from worrying anything was wrong. When the Order made camp in her home, she tried to separate her tender memories and moments with her family from the fear and panic that had often been felt inside her home. It was the only way she could keep her children safe; but she didn’t know how much longer she could. More and more frequently, now, Bill would creep downstairs, hearing a bump in the night, and she would narrowly scoop him up in her arms before he heard something that would surely make sleep impossible for him.  More and more, he would ask her about the strange friends mummy and dad were having over after they were all asleep, and he was less and less satisfied by her flimsy explanations. It was not his fault: it’s natural for children to be curious. It was hers. She had brought this into her children’s lives. But she would keep it boxed up, and away from them, as long as she could. She just didn’t know how much longer that would be.

[enterinit]

Windows 10 Insider Preview Build 17692 released

Windows 10 Insider Preview Build 17692 released. SwiftKey intelligence comes to Windows SwiftKey gives you more accurate autocorrections and predictions by learning your writing style – including the words, phrases and emoji that matter to you. It’s available for Android and iOS, and starting with today’s build SwiftKey will now power the typing experience on Windows when using the touch keyboard to write in English (United States), English (United Kingdom), French (France), German (Germany), Italian (Italy), Spanish (Spain), Portuguese (Brazil), or Russian. Microsoft Edge improvements WebDriver improvements: Beginning with this build, we’re making it easier than ever to automate testing in Microsoft Edge using WebDriver. First, we’ve made WebDriver a Windows Feature on Demand, so you no longer need to match the build/branch/flavor manually when installing WebDriver. When you take new Windows 10 updates, your WebDriver binary will be automatically updated to match. To install WebDriver, just turn on Developer Mode in Windows 10 Settings, or install the standalone feature under the “optional features” Settings page. We’ve also updated WebDriver to match the latest W3C Recommendation spec with major new improvements. Ease of Access Improvements Make Text Bigger: We’ve heard your feedback and are excited to announce that the ability to increase text size across the system is back and better than ever! When you go to Settings > Ease of Access > Display in today’s build, you’ll find a new setting called “Make everything bigger” – this slider will adjust text across the system, win32 apps, and UWP apps.

That means you can now make text bigger in Start menu, File Explorer, Settings, etc., without having to change the overall scaling of your system. Note: We’re investigating some issues with text clipping, not increasing in size everywhere, and problems when changing DPI settings. Narrator Improvements Based on your feedback you’ll find we’ve made a bunch of updates to Narrator with today’s build: Narrator Standard Keyboard Layout: Narrator now ships with a new keyboard layout that is designed to be more familiar to screen reader users. Automatic Dialog Reading: Narrator will now automatically read the contents of a dialog box when brought to the foreground.  The experience is for Narrator to speak the title of the dialog, the focused element within the dialog and the static text, if any, at the top of the dialog. For example, if you try to close a document in Word with unsaved changes, Narrator will speak the title “Microsoft Word,” the focus “Save button” and the static text within the dialog. Narrator Find: You now have the ability to search for text using Narrator’s new Find feature. If the text is found Narrator will move to the found item. Please refer to the accompanying keyboard layout documentation for command mapping. List of Objects: Narrator now has the ability to present a list of links, headings or landmarks present in the application or content. You are also able to filter the results by typing in the list or the text field of the window. Please refer to the accompanying keyboard layout documentation for command mapping. Selection in Scan Mode: Along with being able to select content in Narrator’s scan mode using Shift-selection commands, you can now also select a block of data by first moving to one end of the block and pressing F9, moving to the other end of the block and pressing F10. Once F10 is pressed the entire contents between the two points will be selected. Stop on Controls in Scan Mode: Scan mode is a feature of Narrator that lets you use just a few keys to move around your screen. Scan mode is already on by default in Edge and you can toggle it on and off by pressing Caps lock + Spacebar. While you’re in scan mode, you can press the Up and Down arrow keys to read different parts of the page. With this update, the press of a Down arrow in Scan Mode will stop on interactive elements, so that they are easier to use. An example of this new behavior is that if you are reading a paragraph with multiple links, Narrator will stop on these links when you press the Down arrow. Game bar Improvements We’re now rolling out more functionality to the RS5 Game bar. In this flight are the following new features: Audio controls. Change your default audio output device and mute or adjust the volume of games and apps running. Performance visualizations. See your game’s framerate (FPS), CPU usage, GPU VRAM usage, and system RAM usage.

Game Mode Improvements New options are now available for Game Mode that are expected to improve the gaming experience on desktop PCs.  Gamers on PCs with many background processes may also see performance improvements when they toggle “Dedicate resources” in Game bar. Search Improvements Find software downloads faster in Search!  Continuing our theme of improving the search preview experience, we’re rolling out an update to make it easier to find official download pages for Windows software you want to install. The team is continuing to develop this experience and more is coming.

This is a server-side* change so Insiders may see this update outside of Build 17692. *Some experiences may vary by region.  Windows Mixed Reality Improvements Starting with this build you can stream audio to both the headset and the PC speakers simultaneously. To try it out make sure that you can hear sound from your normal PC speakers when not running the Mixed Reality Portal (MRP) and from the headset’s audio jack or built-in headphones when mixed reality is running. Then close all apps, including MRP, and go to Settings > Mixed reality > Audio and speech to turn on “When Mixed Reality Portal is running, mirror headset audio to desktop.” You should now hear audio from both the headset and PC speakers when running mixed reality. You may also notice some new error codes in Mixed Reality Portal to be more specific to certain failures. The Mixed Reality Portal app will also begin updating through the Store as we make infrastructure changes over the next several releases to support faster updates of mixed reality. General changes, improvements, and fixes We fixed an issue resulting in audio glitching on systems with lots of firewall rules. We fixed an issue from the last few flights where Eye Control would fail fast and not start. We fixed an issue resulting in certain games, such as Counter Strike: Global Offensive, to crash on launch in the last two builds. We fixed an issue resulting in Settings crashing when attempting to open Data Usage Settings in the last few flights. We fixed an issue resulting in an unexpected “codecpacks.vp9” entry in the Start menu. We fixed a recent issue for some Insiders resulting in an explorer.exe crash with AppXDeploymentClient.dll. We fixed an issue resulting in some Insiders recently experiencing a bug check (green screen) with the error SYSTEM_SERVICE_EXCEPTION in afd.sys. With Build 17672 we made a fix for an explorer.exe crash in structuredquery.dll – that fix stopped anyone new from encountering the crash, however we heard your reports that anyone already impacted was still impacted. Today’s build has a fix for this issue that should resolve it for anyone who was already impacted. To improve discoverability, we’ve moved Delivery Optimization Settings to now be directly listed as a category under Settings > Update & Security. We fixed an issue in Microsoft Edge impacting websites like Facebook.com, where when starting a message only the first contact name entered was automatically resolved while typing. We fixed an issue in Microsoft Edge where if both images and text were selected, right-clicking on the image and selecting copy wouldn’t work. We fixed an issue resulting in the Windows Security app crashing recently when adding a process to the exclusion list. Known issues The login screen will crash in a loop when the active sign-in method is set to Picture Password. We recommend removing your Picture Password before upgrading to this build. This build will only be offered to Insiders running Builds 17655 and higher. You will not be able to update from RS4 to this build without first taking Build 17686 first. We’re working on adding dark theme in File Explorer and the Common File Dialog, but we still have some things to do. You may see some unexpectedly light colors in these surfaces when in dark mode. DRM video playback in Microsoft Edge from websites such as Netflix is broke on this build. But you should be able to use the Netflix app to play videos. Some Insiders may find increased reliability and performance issues when launching Start on this build. We’re investigating. When you upgrade to this build you’ll find that the taskbar flyouts (network, volume, etc) no longer have an acrylic background. There is a bug in these builds that will impact driver testing scenarios. When executing HLK Component/Device driver tests, you may experience a bug check that blocks test execution. We are aware of the issue and actively working on a fix. Due to a merge conflict some settings in Settings may be unexpectedly missing and / or missing their labels. When Narrator starts you will be presented with a dialog that informs the user of the change to Narrator’s keyboard layout. This dialog may not take focus or speak after Narrator has started. We recommend that you Alt + Tab to this dialog, which should cause it to read. The Settings for Keyboard Settings found in the Ease of Access center are missing text as well as visible values in the two combo boxes. Narrator users can interact with these controls and get some information pertaining to the settings that are available to them. When using scan mode you may experience multiple stops for a single control. An example of this is if you have an image that is also a link. This is something we are actively working on. If you change Narrator’s default Narrator key to just caps lock the Insert key will continue to function until the caps lock key is used as the Narrator key or if the user restarts Narrator. If the Narrator key is set to just Insert and you attempt to send a Narrator command from a braille display then these commands will not function. As long as the Caps Lock key is a part of the Narrator key mapping then braille functionality will work as designed. There is a known issue in automatic dialog reading where the title of the dialog is being spoken more than once. The state of a Narrator command such as toggling Scan Mode on and off, volume up and down, voice speed, changing verbosity and context verbosity commands may not be announced when executed. If you have previously performed a Find using Narrator’s Find feature and you bring up the dialog the text will not be cleared from the field. Please refer to the Narrator Keyboard Layout documentation for other issues found in this release that pertain to Narrator. (Intro to New Narrator Keyboard Layout doc). ADDED: If you have a Surface Studio, it will fail to update to Builds 17682, 17686, and 17692. This bug is fixed and you will be able to update to the next build we flight. Known issues for developers Please note that there is an issue in this build that regresses the time it takes to remotely deploy and debug a UWP application to a local virtual machine or an emulator. Please skip this flight if you rely on deploying or debugging to a local virtual machine or an emulator for your UWP development. Please note, this does not impact deployment and debugging on the local machine, to a physical target device, or a remote machine. We have seen the following workaround alleviate some of the performance regression here: From an admin PowerShell window, please run the Disable-NetAdapterLso cmdlet and pass in the virtual switch information using -name attribute. Example: PS C:\> Disable-NetAdapterLso -name You can use Get-NetAdapterLso to retrieve the virtual switch information for the corresponding Virtual Machine. If you install any of the recent builds from the Fast ring and switch to the Slow ring – optional content such as enabling developer mode will fail. You will have to remain in the Fast ring to add/install/enable optional content. This is because optional content will only install on builds approved for specific rings. There has not yet been a RS5 build released to the Slow ring. Known Issues for Game bar The Game bar may crash on x86 machines. The framerate counter chart sometimes doesn’t show up correctly over known games. The CPU chart shows an incorrect percentage of usage in the top left corner. Charts in the performance panel don’t update immediately when clicking through tabs. The user’s gamerpic doesn’t display correctly, even after signing in. Read the full article

[deep-thoughts-and-stuff]

WHAT THEN SHALL WE DO

WHAT THEN SHALL WE DO

How to collectively become God

A zenarchist manifesto

  What if human society as we know it were a person?

  Assumptions: based on my personal relentless search for truth and meaning in the world

  A. As above, so below. As within, so without.

  B. The Tao is the way of nature. Nature is organized chaos. It exerts no effort, yet through it everything is done. Things opposed to the Tao tend to fail, die, and be miserable.

  C. Karma (cause and effect) (see A).

  A decentralized yet interconnected and interdependent group of neurons firing randomly can be viewed as a single personality (If you’re reading this in the third dimension you are probably under the assumption that you are one).

Most human personalities are deluded to some level. The most common delusion is the idea that the voice inside one's head is the entire personality. We not only hear a voice in our head constantly, that we cannot control or shut off, but we identify entirely with it. We identify with our insanity. The inner voice is tyrannical, controlling, paralyzing, and according to the enlightened, entirely unnecessary. This view of the inner voice is not in line with the Tao. (B)

Mindfulness, or paying attention objectively, helps one to realize fairly quickly that the voice inside one's head is not the same as the personality as a whole. It also helps streamline a personality's values and goals with their actions and increases life satisfaction. This streamlining is in line with the Tao. (B)

A human personality can bring itself to the depths of hell: self hatred, self destruction, anger, fear, shame, alienation, suicide and harm to itself and others. At the other end of the spectrum, a personality can self actualize, even reaching states of pure bliss, tranquility, and equanimity, and compassion known as enlightenment. Enlightenment is achieved through mindfulness. Hell is achieved through mindlessness. (C)

Psychedelic drugs are proven to connect parts of the brain that are not usually connected. Neurons fire with neurons in different parts of the brain that usually do not fire together.

          a) Psychedelic drugs accelerate karma (cause and effect). This means the effects of every thought are magnified by orders of magnitude. Negative thoughts and atmosphere create feedback loops that develop quickly into hellish trips. Trips to hell can be extremely value to learn from if you face them head on, or they can break you if you don’t. Positive thoughts and atmosphere create feedback loops that develop quickly into healing experiences, freedom, understanding, bliss, tranquility, and even moments of enlightenment. They can even trigger spiritual awakening.

          b) Psychedelic drugs catalyze neuroplasticity and neurogenesis. They can catalyze lasting personality changes with nearly unrivaled efficiency. For good or bad. The accelerated karmic effects last orders of magnitude longer than the experience.

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  I. A decentralized yet interconnected and interdependent group of humans can be viewed as a meta-personality. This can be applied to any organized subgroup of society including religions, political ideologies, economic systems, fandoms, subreddits, and society as a whole. (1,A) Side note: what is a god but a meta personality?

    II. Society as a whole, when viewed as a single personality, is having a psychotic break. It is a danger to itself and others. It is experiencing conflicting desires and emotions at the same time (Multiple personalities). These desires and emotions are fighting, often to the death. It is allocating so much blood to its head that aneurisms are flooding the skull, while the rest of the body shrivels up for lack. It is constantly self harming and self sabotaging. It is consciously (at least somewhat consciously although not very) murdering the personalities of other species on planet earth. We are in the middle of a mass extinction. Luckily, worst case scenario, it appears it will kill itself off before it can destroy the personality of life on earth (Gaia if you will) as long as it continues on its current trajectory. If there was a suicide hotline for societies, this one should be on the phone. If there was a jail for societies, this one should be locked up to keep it from endangering others (by the way I'm not advocating punishment as a deterrent here).

        a. Gaia is ill. When a human personality gets ill, a fever arises naturally to kill off the disease. (A). I think I was just spontaneously converted to a believer in synchronicity upon completing that sentence.

    III. Technology (especially information technology) has connected neurons of the meta brain with neurons that do not usually fire together. The entire world is more interconnected than ever before. The combination of capitalism and technology is a positive feedback loop unlike anything we’ve seen before. Society is currently tripping balls on technology. while chain smoking DMcapitalismT. (5,A). And it's a bad trip.

        a. Technology accelerates karma (cause and effect) (A, 5a, common sense). The effects of every meta thought (action) are magnified by orders of magnitude. Negative meta thoughts (YOUR AND MY ACTIONS) and atmosphere create feedback loops that develop quickly into hellish trips. Trips to hell can be extremely value to learn from if society faces them head on, or they can break society if it doesn’t. Positive thoughts (YOUR AND MY ACTIONS) and atmosphere create feedback loops that develop quickly into healing experiences and even moments of societal enlightenment. They can even trigger awakening…

        b. Technology catalyzes societal neuroplasticity and neurogenesis. (A, 5b). This is evident in a society changing faster than ever. Technology, especially information technology, can catalyze lasting meta personality changes with nearly unrivaled efficiency (see the respective effects of language, written language, the sea ship, the printing press, the telegram, radio, the airplane, TV, and the internet. Notice the spacing over time). For good or bad. We can already see that the accelerated karmic effects will last orders of magnitude longer than the experience.

    IV. Perhaps society's biggest delusions is Hume's paradox: The power of government is derived from the consent/belief of the people, which is their ongoing decision not to overthrow it, but the people are convinced that the ruling class holds power over them. (Hume emphasizes force, but all that is required for a government to lose all power is for everyone collectively to stop believing that it has power. Force is not necessary to overthrow a government). This paradox is not in line with the Tao, or even, well common sense. (2A, B) Now go back and read (2) and (A). If this does not make you go “Aha!” out loud, read IV, 2, and A again. I sure as hell did.

    V. If mindfulness can increase the wellbeing of human personalities, the same principles will work on a meta personality (A). If mindfulness effortlessly eradicates the identification of the self with the inner voice (as it did for me the very first time I meditated), then meta-mindfulness is the solution to Hume's paradox. (I'll stop typing "A" so much as it gets redundant). As mindfulness streamlines consciousness, meta mindfulness flattens heirarchy and fertilizes Tao: Organized chaos.

    VI. Meta mindfulness in action: exercises.

        a. Find out if polling on public opinion matches up to public policy. (hint: the loudest voices are in charge of the polls. Many polls you see will be on issues that are important to the loud voices but not to society as a whole. many polls are prominent simply because they draw an emotional response or because they are divisive. Eyes on the big picture. HINT HINT: Start with things that are closest to unanimous agreement. HINT!!!!!!: start with public opinion on getting money out of politics). Let me know if this does not eradicate any belief you had in functioning democracy. Or a society that has streamlined its goals and values with its actions. Maybe I'll make a post with more details and sources for this.

        b. Find out if society’s goals are the same as what society has determined creates happiness. Look at scientific studies of what actually makes people happy. Picture yourself asking society what it's goals are. See if the two are the same.

        c. What does meta mindfulness look like to you?

    VII. If mindfulness can bring a human to enlightenment, meta mindfulness can bring a meta human to enlightenment. (4,A) What is enlightenment? Enlightenment is realizing one’s truest nature. Buddha said realizing one’s truest nature results in pure bliss, equanimity, and compassion for all beings. The kingdom of heaven is within.

        a. What does science say about our truest nature? Our deepest desire is evolution’s deepest desire. Evolution’s deepest desire is to recreate itself. It is procreation. It is sex. It is romantic love. It is return to wholeness through unity with the opposite pole. Do you notice this within yourself? It is the libido, life energy, will to power, whatever you want to call it. It is the survival and wellbeing of one’s species and the interdependent web of species as a whole. This is compassion for all beings. This is the heart of evolutionary psychology. The glitch is that we do not experience this. Enlightenment is fixing the glitch.

    VIII. People talk about singularity as if technology will bring it about. As if it is not already the nature of things. What is the meta personality of society but the singularity in the present? We collectively are the super A(b)I: artificial-biological Intelligence. A hyper intelligent schizophrenic cyborg.

    IX. What does meta mindfulness look like? Hands of my opinion! Have you thought for yourself?

        a. Technology is neither good nor bad, technology is a mirror for society. Only the mirror is shattered. How many years of bad luck is that again? To me, meta mindfulness looks like fixing the mirror. This is realizing (A).

        b. To me, meta mindfulness looks like a streamlined brain. Organized chaos creating effortless mindful action. This is the way the brain works. The brain is the most complicated thing in existence, and it is barely understood. In fact when we study the brain what is happening is the brain is studying itself. Meta mindfulness is meta neuroscience. The brain is run without a throne or ruling class. It is run by nature, by organized chaos. But most are not aware of this. As far as technology has come we are nowhere near the brain. Yet we consider ourselves above nature in some made up hierarchy (they’re all made up; they don’t exist in nature unless you believe in them. Reality is what’s left when you stop believing in it). But this intellect comes from non-hierarchy. Meta mindfulness is aligning society’s brain with Tao. (B)

        c. To me, meta mindfulness looks like fixing capitalism. Capitalism, at least in its purest form organically and effortlessly produces “value.” It has Tao characteristics, but it is mindless in its current state. What we’re looking for is something that organically and effortlessly produces happiness, or rather satisfaction.

        d. To me, meta mindfulness looks something like reddit. A constant organic polling of the population on all issues. Reddit is a beautifully organized brain. Subjects are compartmentalized into subreddits. "Thoughts" arise in subreddits, and are evaluated by the community.

                1. Now, picture an open source online constitution with a Reddit-like framework. It's a fluid constitution, constantly creating a new reality, perceiving it, and adapting to it. (This is what consciousness is. This, I believe would give it sentience). It would use blockchain voting so that any person can audit the vote if they want to, and everyone's privacy is protected. It would also be run collectively by the community using it. Each person would be a shareholder with an equal share and an equal vote.

                2. How society overthrows rule by the voice inside its head, or how to get (V) to happen: Consider the Thomas Theorem: “If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences.” (Basically, A+C). People define power structures as valid because they are either productive or necessary. With mindfulness of the fact that power structures as they exist are counterproductive, tyrannical, controlling, paralyzing and unnecessary, any belief in their validity is effortlessly eradicated. This is how everyone collectively stops believing in a government, currency, economic system, etc at the same time. This is how you overthrow a government and ruling class without violence.

                        1. By the way, I think nature rewards integrity. A community with good intentions founded on violent revolution will only result in violence. (see USSR, USA, every nation-state ever). A wise man once said, “Those who live by the sword die by the sword.” (C ). This is how we achieve world peace.

                3. Reddit allows the community not only to vote on issues, but to choose which issues to vote on. More than that it allows the community to prioritize issues by order of importance. Now, if Reddit were owned and managed collectively by the community using it, the community would control all of this along with the very framework the democracy rests on. This is how the online open source fluid constitution would work. This is how you put (realize that) power (already is) in the hands of the people. At this point you probably have an objection like, "but not everyone wants to vote on every issue" or, "some people just don't care" or, "some things in a constitution shouldn't be constantly up for change enough to vote" or my personal objection, “reddit’s voting system just leads to circle jerks and hides any sort of constructive criticism.” (If your objection is “some people are too dumb to vote,” then look out: you may be part of the ruling class that will be overthrown. Be mindful that you only want to replace the loudest voice in society’s head with your own). Now, imagine yourself posting your problem on the problems subconstitution and discussing until a solution is agreed upon. The system handles any problem you present it, organically, and effortlessly. This is recursive democracy. This is meta democracy. This is streamlining a consciousness. This is fixing the mirror. This is the singularity realizing itself. This is societal awakening. This is how we become (realize that we are) GOD.

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What are you still looking at me for? Meta mindfulness is mindfulness squared. I’ll be the mindfulness; you be the squared. The best zenarchist manifesto is the one you write.

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 75, October 2017

The past few days have been really difficult for me to say the least. I can already feel that I’m in a state of transition right now after walking away from my current personal trainer Luke Davey last Friday. It was an extremely tough decision for me as I was hoping that things would get better and that we could turn a corner somehow. But the reality is that I just wasn’t happy training there anymore. No amount of self-help books, positive affirmations and friendly exchanges could cover up how I was truly feeling inside...uncertain, depressed, frustrated, misunderstood, conflicted, upset and hurt. I needed to move on.

Does it make me a bad person to want to change personal trainers? Hell no! I don’t think so. My biggest problem has always been worrying what other people will think and how they will react to my decisions. Am I making the right choice? Am I being too sensitive? Am I giving up too easily? Nope. I’m simply doing what’s best for me. From my perspective, there’s no bad blood between myself and Luke at all and I really appreciate everything he has done for me. He has helped me achieve many of my fitness goals. He has challenged me physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve learned lots of new skills, movements and techniques.

So no, I don’t regret any of it at all. I just hope that Luke can accept and respect my decision as well. I’m really proud of myself for being open and honest with Luke as well as ending this PT-client relationship on respectful and peaceful terms.

Here is a list of achievements I’ve made with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness:

Losing 20kg of body weight (from 105 to 85kg)

Building up lean muscle in my arms, legs, glutes, hamstrings, back, buttocks etc.

Learning the correct techniques, forms and movements for doing deadlifts, back squats, front squats, bench press and dumbbell bench press

Completing many AMRAPs (As Many Reps As Possible), EMOTM (Every Minute on the Minute), 3-4 rounds and time based workouts

Learning how to do stretches, box jumps, push ups, ring rows, using the balance board, kettle bell swings, single arm kettle bell lifts, squats, walking lunges and burpees

Improved my squat depth and weight lifting ability

Learning how to deal with anxiety, depression, fear, stress, overthinking, self-doubt, self confidence issues and believing in myself

On Monday morning, I went to my Yin yoga class with Kelly Wallis at Now, Yoga. in Narre Warren South. I kinda embarrassed myself this morning as I expected to see Kelly the moment I walked into the studio but instead saw another lady at the desk and instantly assumed that she was filling in. Whoops! But I let that moment go pretty quickly. It was moderately full class with about 10 students or so. I haven’t been to one of Kelly’s classes in a long time and I’ve missed her style of teaching.

Today there was a lot of focus on doing long holds and supported variations of poses including Standing Forward Bend, Yogic Squat, Sphinx pose, Puppy pose, Cow Face pose, Reclining Single Leg Spinal Twist and Child’s pose. And for the first time in the eight years I’ve been doing yoga, everyone had a literally chuck a temper tantrum. Normally, I hardly ever give myself permission to act silly or make lots of loud noises but today was the exception. And it felt great...releasing negative emotions like anger, frustration, guilt, shame, regret is so important and trust Kelly to come up with the idea. It was brilliant! http://nowyoga.net.au/ 

On Monday night, I revisited The Yard Strength & Fitness in Pakenham for the first time since August. It felt good being back here. In some ways, it was the ace up my sleeve if things went pear shaped at UFT. You can call it jumping ship but I have honourable intentions behind it. I truly believe that I deserve to train in a place where I feel supported and encouraged by everyone there. Part of me will miss being at UFT PLAYgrounds but I know in myself that I’ve made the right decision in leaving. I have to keep moving forward. https://www.facebook.com/TheYardStr... 

Tonight I did a Bootcamp class with two other girls, Eliza and Ebony, and it was run by Stacey Kett. We warmed up by doing some kettle bell swings and runs up and down the carpark. It honestly felt like I was doing the beep test back in high school PE class. Next we did a series of movements at 25 seconds each including KB squats, bar knee tucks, KB swings, squat bar jumps, KB high lifts, plank holds with KB touch and push ups. 

The final part involved an eight round TABATA doing plank holds. I was pretty much shaking and pouring with sweat at this point. My foam yoga mat was covered in it. But that meant that I really worked hard tonight. None of the tough emotional issues from last week were going to bring me down. I also feel like I’m improving heaps with my push ups, squats, running and plank holds.     

After the Bootcamp class, I had a brief chat with Abhishek Ashokkumar from Silverback Training Co. about the possibility of him becoming my next personal trainer. Honestly, I was a little nervous and weary as I normally am meeting new people but I felt comfortable enough to tell him about my goals, my mental health issues, what happened between me and Luke and why I want him to train me. I’m looking for someone who is compassionate, supportive, encouraging, patient and kind. Hopefully Abhi can deliver on those fronts. One step at a time. https://www.facebook.com/silverback... 

On Tuesday morning, I had my feedback session with Dr. Yasmin Baliz at CNS: Comprehensive Neuropsychological Services in Narre Warren. I was feeling a bit nervous waiting for Yasmin to arrive the reception area with my mum sitting across from me. Today was the day that I’ll find out either way whether I sit on the Autism Spectrum or not. We sat in the same room that we were in during the first appointment, with the same white plush leather sofas, black glass coffee table, fake palms and artificial cricket/tadpole noises from the Rainforest Room next door. 

So the moment of truth...I’ve been officially diagnosed with High Functioning Autism, which is essentially a mild form of Autism. Characteristics for diagnosis include difficulties with social interaction in groups, poor social skills, difficulties with verbal and non-verbal communication, prefers routine and predictable environments, prefers independent activities and finds sensory environments to be overwhelming. It was a lot of information to process in that session but thankfully there is lots of support and resources out there to understand it better. http://www.cnspsych.com.au/process.... 

Yasmin left me with the “The Autism Spectrum Information Booklet” and will be posting me out the report on my results from the assessment. I feel better knowing that there is an underlying cause for my thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviour particularly in social situations that were often difficult to explain to others. There is a strong genetic component with a cousin on my Mother’s side also having Autism and there have been signs since childhood that I may be predisposed to it. But at least I know now so it’s like a veil’s been lifted. http://www.autism-help.org/autism-h... 

On Tuesday night, I attended the Mental Health & Wellbeing seminar at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. Sadly there wasn’t a big attendance at tonight’s event with most staff members taking up the semi-circle of folded chairs but I still felt like I got a lot out of the presentation. https://www.caseyarc.ymca.org.au/wh... 

The first presenter was a guy named James who is a personal trainer and an ambassador for Beyond Blue. He has suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts since the age of 13, going through periods of low self-esteem, self harm, substance abuse and denial. It took him many attempts to overcome his depression with several relapses and various psychologists but eventually he pulled through it. His strategies include finding a psychologist with similar values, being open about how you’re thinking and feeling and doing productive activities such as reading, going to the gym, hanging out with mates. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/conne... 

The second presenter was Dr. James Collard who is a clinical psychologist and representative from CBT Australia. His talk on mental health was more in depth and academic, exploring where emotions come from, the biological, social and psychological aspects, the effects of depression and anxiety, dealing with anger and problem behaviours and using self-care strategies to help cope with mental health issues. He provided quite a few examples from young clients and parents who he has worked with over the years which I found to be quite relatable. https://www.cbtaustralia.com.au/ 

On Thursday morning, I attended my Body Balance class with Wendy Lynne Perrow at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. It was a really great feeling to walk into that group fitness studio and be welcomed by Wendy as soon as I stepped onto the mat...”It’s lovely to see you again Michael. Welcome back.” Sometimes that’s all you need, that acknowledgement, to know that somebody else cares about you and it’s what I needed in that moment. Truthfully, I’ve missed Wendy’s classes as well. 

Today we did release number 69 which featured the following exercises: Tai-Chi Warmup (Overhead circles, Wide legged arm sweeps, Soft blocks), Sun Salutations (Forward fold, Downward Facing Dog, Plank, Baby Cobra), Standing Strength (Warrior 2, Sun Warrior), Balance (Aeroplane pose, Dancer’s pose), Pilates (Double arm and leg extensions, Double D, Threading the Needle), Twists (Seated open and closed twist, Butterfly pose) and Hamstring Stretches (Staff pose with legs crossed, Wide Legged Forward Fold) and Relaxation. https://grandnat.co.uk/what-already... 

The thing I really appreciate about Wendy’s classes is her patience and guidance, allowing us all to take different options if we need to and not worry if the poses or movements aren’t “perfect”. She always has a way of making the class enjoyable for everyone and when it comes to the Relaxation, she is the undisputed queen of Guided Meditations. Her voice is so gentle and calming. I could easily drift off to sleep if I wanted to! https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...                 On Friday morning, I had my Body Combat class with Cinamon Guerin at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. So today’s class was a little different than usual. Firstly, it’s a longer class at 55 minutes and there was many more people participating, probably around 30 or so. There was also a small group of women down the front who were loud, extroverted and singing along with the tracks. I made the choice to not let them bother me nor do I necessarily have to be like them or copy what they’re doing. Just focus on being myself and doing my own workout.

There were quite a few challenging sections in this morning’s class especially doing dynamic lunges and front kicks. It always messes with my balance and I find it difficult to keep up the pace. But otherwise I was doing fine. I put a lot of effort in and could feel a huge emotional release during the jab boxes. You just get to the point where you’ve had enough of dealing with negativity and people who bring you down. So it felt good getting all of that out of my system today. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...

“I can't fake it, it's never enough. It's got a hold on me. Left behind here, I can't keep up. Come get a hold of me. I was thinking if I could be tough. You'd wanna hold onto me. I will be your home, keep you warm when it's cold. I will try to be what you need when you're low. I can only promise the girl that I am. I'll do anything that I can.”                              Broods - Recovery (2016)

“Something tipped me over. Someone knocked me down. Emptied out my inside. Poured it on the ground. A cavern for a body, The deeper darker kind. For all I hear are echoes, Repeat inside my mind. I thought the shade around me, was making me feel blind. I thought I was a hero, but I was just a child.” Broods - Worth The Fight (2016)

[rhetoricandlogic]

Noumenon - Marina J. Lostetter

Sometimes, a book or song or movie will come along at just the right time and strike a resounding chord. Noumenon hit that sweet spot for me. On my blog, I’ve been thinking about generation ships. Suddenly, the stars aligned, and Harper Voyager gave me the opportunity to review Noumenon. It was SF love at first read. Seriously, halfway through chapter one, I knew this book would be at least an eight out of ten for me unless things went terribly, terribly wrong. Marina J. Lostetter, however, kept her bearings and delivered on the promises made in chapter one. Fans of The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet should check out this debut. In Noumenon, a united Earth creates seven generation ship convoys for scientific missions. This book follows the final convoy, which is tasked to investigate a variable star a long, long way from Earth. Ms. Lostetter tells the tale of that journey in an impressive debut novel. Harper Voyager provided me an ARC in exchange for an honest review, and I came out the big winner in this deal. TL;DR: Entertaining mosaic novel filled with memorable characters will have you eagerly awaiting a sequel. Highly recommended. Comparisons to The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet (LWSAP) are apt but also a bit reductive. Plot-wise, this book is relatively straight forward. A convoy of ships is built to travel to an object to investigate and learn. The plot is the journey, but it’s not the point. Exploring Big Questions about humanity confined to buildings flying through the void for centuries is the point. And if we are ever to actually attempt a generation ship project, these are questions that need to be asked. Covering subjective millennia on Earth and subjective centuries on the ship, the linear plot and mosaic structure reinforce the time span. As readers, we dip into significant moments along the way. Unlike LWSAP, the characters in Noumenon are not constant. Sort of. Since the ships’ journey lasts much longer than a single human lifetime, the characters that start the journey will not see the end. A significant amount of passengers’ entire lifespan take place between earth and the star. Therefore, if the reader wants to see the end of the journey, the author has to make a choice to have character lifetimes extended by some means or have different characters at the end of the novel from those at the beginning. Ms. Lostetter chose to use clones that stick with the name of their original but add a version number. There are excellent in-world explanations for this, and I loved that the author thought through these details. To care this much about world-building, the author shows her love for this story but runs a risk of world-building-itis. If you’re an SFF fan, I’m sure you’ve run across the author who is so much in love with his/her own world that everything else falls to the wayside. This is not the case with Noumenon. World-building serves the story, not vice versa. While the characters are not the same chapter to chapter, they are at once familiar enough to maintain continuity of the plot but distinct enough to be their own individual. They are genetic clones but not cloned personalities. The setting for most of the novel is interior of the ships. I didn’t get a clear view of the ships interior. Setting wasn’t a strong point for this story, but it doesn’t suffer for it. There are multiple ships in each convoy, but I couldn’t tell you the difference between them outside of their function. One of the distinct parts of the ship that I remember is that each passenger cabin has a window thanks to tubes and mirrors. This little bit of world building was a speed bump because it seems unnecessarily complicated for the ship’s engineers and builders, but also due to their mode of travel, it serves no purpose. They travel through inky blackness, no stars even. This led me to pay attention of the practicality of the ships, and they don’t seem entirely practical. Why multiple ships? It isn’t a redundancy because each ship serves a purpose. One is a storage ship; one is a medical ship; one is the biome ship; and one is where most of the living is done. I like the idea of multiple ships as a way to maintain the sanity of the crew because it gives them someplace to go. But the impracticality of unattached shuttles between the ships was a hitch. None of my concerns affect the story; nor do they stop me from enjoying it. In a time where grimdark fantasy is popular and somehow considered realistic, this novel goes against the flow in that it is inherently optimistic. We don’t get much about Earth during the time of launch, but it’s utopian. Multiple societies come together to create an amazing project dedicated to advancing scientific knowledge. As others have said, utopian doesn’t mean without conflict. Humans are still human, and drama, conflict, and misunderstanding are part of the whole deal. There’s plenty of that here to make a compelling read. For a novel with only one character that makes it from start to finish, the strength of Noumenon is the characters. Each part of the mosaic has to introduce, get the reader to connect to, and tell a story with new characters. Not an easy task, but add to the fact that each chapter has to add to and support the larger overall narrative. Noumenon does this. I cared about these characters, and I wanted to see them succeed on their mission. Their journey – in world – is one of advancing knowledge, but in our world, their journey is a thought experiment of a closed civilization evolving over the years. Both the best and the worst of humanity is present, which makes for great stories. I loved this book. Highly recommended.