#with any emotion but Critically Thinking About How This Contributes To Us

[quietwingsinthesky]

even does know what plants are though. (as per doctor who canon, the way ships manage to keep oxygen on long voyages is via having literal forests in them. now, nothing to that extent, obviously, they weren’t that well-equipped or funded. but there’s definitely plants In There, probably relegated to a much more ordered existence, think the difference between a natural forest and one grown for logging.) at least they have that. they have seen plants. not often, but they have.

i don’t think they really understand plants beyond their functions (to eat, keep everyone breathing, etc.) whereas with natural beauties and animals and other such things that even has no experience with and can wonder over, they can’t really. do that with plants. the ability to admire a flower rather than immediately think of it in terms of resources lost and gained in its creation is a skill they have to learn.

but you know. at least they have seen them. that’s something. that’s slightly less depressing, right.

[extremely-judgemental]

Long Post

Every time I see the ‘let my girl be happy’ tag and the post is about canon Nessian, it infuriates me as much as it breaks my heart. Sometimes I wonder if those who romanticise Cassian’s toxic behaviours are speaking from a place of privilege or ignorance, because admitting that calls for addressing real-life abuse and misogyny they are forced to endure.

I’m an Indian living in a highly patriarchal, misogynistic society where women are still required to marry someone out of convenience for the sake of their families. This is not the cute arranged marriages you read about in books or watch in movies. Most women have to sacrifice everything they stand for to ease their families’ burdens. And let’s not even start with dowry or DV. Sure, our society has progressed in many ways, yet, this is the reality of most women when it comes to marriages. No matter how well-off you are, no matter how successful you are in your career. It’s more nuanced than you imagine; parents meddle with children’s lives at every step, and our lives are more intertwined with our families than in western society. So I simply can’t read Nesta’s story and delude myself into thinking she got a happy ending with Cassian or the Inner Circle. I keep my emotions out of most of the criticisms to help people see the situation objectively. That’s hard to do in this case, but I’ll try.

Nesta is the eldest child who ‘fails’ her sisters, though it is her father’s responsibility to care for three young girls. Having been groomed to be a housewife all her life, she contributes in the only way she knows—by doing the chores and nurturing her family. She seeks help from relatives and friends, while the ones in position to do so ignore her. And when the time comes, she finds a way to be of use to her family by marrying Tomas. Despite all this, Nesta is considered a failure of a sister, simply because Feyre made a choice. Most of these only come to light in Silver Flames, and even the few instances where Feyre realises this, there’s no real appreciation for Nesta’s efforts. Instead, they are dismissed or only mentioned to highlight Feyre’s empathic tendencies and her awareness of her sisters’ plights, rather than uplifting Nesta’s character. None of these are acknowledged as they don’t fit the typical masculine ideals glorified throughout the series.

As Nesta navigates her life as a newly transformed fae, she partakes in a war in which she has no part in. She has no obligation or need to risk her life for the Night Court, or any other court, or even the mortals. These are the same acts that made Feyre a hero in the first book. But when it comes to Nesta, and she rises to the occasion, her actions are downplayed as she grapples with PTSD from her death, the Cauldron, the toll of war, and her father’s death. None of her sacrifices or her attempts to protect her sisters are given an ounce of importance or respect they deserve. Instead, it’s framed as Nesta’s duty as the eldest sister or the sister of the Night Court’s High Lady.

When she deals with her trauma, everyone takes great pleasure in controlling how the situation unfolds. She goes as far as living alone to spare her sisters. Yet Feyre and Elain, who have the choice of when and how to regulate their emotions, fail to grasp the concept of personal space. Her actions are self-sabotaging at best and have no real consequences on any of the other characters. Still, they are amplified to an extent that it’s turned into a court affair. The reason for this is Nesta isn’t coping in the right way. Gambling, drinking and sex—common activities for the Inner Circle—become a question of their reputation the moment she engages in them in her pain, emphasising that these are only acceptable when done with them. Spending Feyre’s money on gambling may seem like a reasonable cause for Rhysand to interfere, but if we factor in how Nesta’s rightful wealth from Tamlin or her father was lost as a direct consequence of Inner Circle’s actions, along with the fact that she is still owed money for her contribution in the war, Nesta is deliberately stripped of any monetary agency to trap her.

If this isn’t punishment enough, she is locked in an inescapable tower with a man she wants no part of. When she objects to this, she is lied to about their laws and threatened being thrown among people who will consider her a threat. She has no interest in training to fight or working for the Night Court, but she’s forced to. She’s not compensated for any of this labour either. Nesta is known to starve herself after the war to the point that she’s nothing but ‘skin and bones’. Cassian, an established gym bro in the series, weaponises food against her when she refuses to eat what is offered or when. The moment she shows any interest in eating, he judges her for being picky and brings up her latent guilt that led her down that path in the first place. Later on, knowing she’s not fit enough, the Inner Circle insists on training her right away, in freezing conditions, without proper clothing. Nesta soon learns that she has no choice but to comply. She goes on to train with Cassian, work in the library, and accept the food the house gives her. This is the first step in breaking her.

Nesta has no one to rely on or talk to in the house except for Cassian. The relationship that develops between them is not circumstantial but a well-orchestrated one. Even for small talk, Cassian is her only choice. After learning Nesta was SA’d by the kelpie and on the verge of death, no one (including her sisters) cares for her as much as they should. The only person who checks on her is Cassian, and even he is so overcome with desire and lust that he has sex with her instead of comforting her. It is common knowledge that sex is a coping mechanism for her and that she has been SA’d twice—something only Cassian knows. This perpetuates the idea that even when a woman is hurting and in pain, she must be appealing, and her trauma should be sexually gratifying and desirable for the man. A woman can walk back from the doors of death, but she must look pretty while doing it. There is nothing empowering about that.

Then, there is Eris’s seduction. Feyre looks down on Nesta for contemplating selling her body to take care of her sisters. But the same is expected of her when she serves the Night Court. It is almost glorified and revered by Cassian himself. During their conversation in River House, he lets her believe that she has to earn both his love and her sisters’. Not once does he contradict any of her fears or insecurities. For the first time, Nesta has sex with him without it being an escape, and the next morning, Cassian abandons her, reinforcing the idea that she indeed earned the sex and love for what she did in Court of Nightmares.

When Nesta reveals the truth about Feyre’s pregnancy, her true feelings are swept under the rug by how she ‘failed’ her sister again. She has the right to expose Rhysand and his plans. Even if the situation isn’t the most ideal, she is locked in a tower and only talks to anyone when the IC choose, which limits her options. Besides, when will the timing ever be perfect for such a conversation? She is again vilified for being the only one honest with her sister. Her intentions are twisted to cover up others’ mistakes. Cassian, once again, is the one who punishes her for it.

At this point, Nesta is suicidal, and Cassian recognises the signs. He still insists on taking the hike, also using the silent treatment to enforce the idea that she is in the wrong. His interactions with Feyre prove none of them dwell on Nesta’s actions as much as she believes. While she is having a guilt trip, edging her closer to suicide, Cassian laughs behind her back with Feyre, almost enjoying her fears. At the end of this trip, Nesta finally opens up about her trauma for the first time, and Cassian swoops in with his own sorrows and how he overcame them. Instead of making her feel seen and heard, she is once again lectured on what she should do and how.

Lastly, Cassian and Morrigan have a mildly, if not completely, inappropriate relationship that Nesta is expected to accept. If she expresses jealousy or anger, it’s not because of the bond or their relationship, but will be seen as her inherent quality. She can’t fight it as everyone else has accepted it as a normal relationship. If she shows any displeasure, her past of sleeping with other men will be brought into the conversation, and she will be scrutinised. This is very similar to the ‘men will be men’ narrative—the man can flirt with whoever he wants, and it’s harmless, but the woman has to behave.

Throughout the series, everyone is against Nesta. Her family is her responsibility. She has a duty to protect and serve them, no matter the circumstances, no matter how much it costs her or how much pain she is in. Her own sisters side with her in-laws, saying it’s how things are and she ‘doesn’t have to be so miserable’. Her life is forever bound to a man she initially wanted nothing to do with and her everyday existence is dependent on him. She is trapped with him until she learns to accept her fate. He doesn’t lay a hand on her, but he psychologically and emotionally abuses her until she complies with his family and behaves to fit their image. He even gives her the silent treatment, withdraws sex/intimacy from her, leaves her alone in the tower, cuts her off from everyone she loves and cares about if she misbehaves. She has no financial independence, leaving her at the mercy of her sister and her family. Even when she’s hurting, she has no choice but to risk her life for them or go to war when they demand. She goes as far as changing her body for her future child. Her life is threatened by her in-laws, but no one bats an eye at that, forever leaving her fearing for her safety.

If you believe it’s just fiction and that all this is exaggeration of something in a fantasy book, you really need to look around you. This is a real nightmare for most women around the world. Your girl, Nesta, isn’t happy. She settled. She has accepted a life in which she is treated less than a dog and used as a weapon. She’s been beaten down until she learnt not to step out of line if she wants to live. She is still with Cassian because she doesn’t see a life other than that as an option and has come to accept whatever scraps her sister and her family have decided to throw her way. And I sincerely hope that if you ever come across a real-life Rhysand or Cassian, you have the wits to protect yourself and run the other way.

[chaifootsteps]

idk if you've heard of him but there's a youtuber called friendly space ninja who reviews TV shows.

anyway, he did a video on The Vampire Diaries and had a section about the racism problem the writers have. it was one of those things where if it had just been one thing it would have been 'OK not great, that could be fixed' but it was this never ending list of ways in which PoC on the show were treated as second class where I don't think anyone in their right mind could deny it when you lay it all out, start to finish

that's how I feel about how female characters are treated on Hazbin but especially on Helluva.

to give an idea of scale:

took nearly two seasons for Millie to get her own episode and it's about her having to babysit Blitzo and Moxxie and gives her hangups about her class out of nowhere

episode about Millie and Moxxie having the same ex shows his backstory only, with Millie's shunted into some hypothetic future episode even though the ex is now dead and no one has any reason to care any longer

episode about going to Millie's home is a Moxxie episode where the main drama is between Moxxie and Striker and Blitzo and Striker

Unhappy Campers tries to be a Millie episode and is still a Moxxie episode

Millie complaining that they, an assassin business, shouldn't skip out on an assassin job, is framed as pregnancy hormones

Millie gets a surprise pregnancy storyline because Viv doesn't know what else to do with her (she basically admitted that on a tweet thread where she also admitted prioritising Stolas, Moxxie and Blitzo instead of just, idk, rewriting the story to make a female character have more of a dynamic with the main male lead)

Loona has two focus episodes and basically stops being a character in her own right in season two

Loona's sad orphanage backstory is used in a flashback to benefit Blitzo's emotional breakthrough. the backstory hasn't come up again since

Loona and Millie's screentime has basically been handed to Stolas, who got all the song numbers, too

Loona is supposed to be friendless /awkward but has friends over for Sinsmas? would have been nice to see that development

Loona and Millie are two main characters but they barely have a consistent dynamic with each other and certainly don't feel like friends.

Verosika goes from interesting ex who might also have contributed to the breakup with her alcoholism (some ambiguity at least) to character who exists solely to be hung up on Blitzo, explain his intimacy problems and to cheerlead for Stolas (who she doesn't know and is nothing but rude and judgemental to her)

Fails the Mako Mori test and probably also the Bechdel Test, two seasons in

Via goes from sort of well fleshed out to just a prop to make Stolas cry. Like Blitzo, the valid reasons she could criticize him are played down as much as possible and she's framed as not getting what's really going on

Stella is in an arranged marriage but the show only portrays Stolas as the victim (even though he has more money and power than her and she was forced to physically deliver an egg she didn't want, basically making her a depiction of the nightmares of being a tradwife in a society that treats her like an incubator - this likely wasn't the writer's intent but it speaks to a basic lack of empathy for the backstory they've written for Stella)

Stella having parties and socialising is used as proof of how vapid she is even though she has little else to do since she's stuck being Stolas' wife (and there's nothing wrong with liking parties? this is the exact opposite of the Mane Six in MLP who model a lot of different pursuits and ways of being female without looking down on any of them)

Stella in general is a caricature of a shrew wife who makes Lisa from The Room look subtle

why is Stella so abusive? she was born evil; no further questions.

cheating is wrong only if you're female. if you're male your wife will be rewritten to be a 2D depiction of an abuser

also if you're male cheating is fine. it's so fine that Blitzo will refuse to kill two cheating men and claim it's not that big a deal because he's projecting he and Stolas onto them

male villains are fun performance pieces. female villains are Stella and Glitz&Glam

Speaking of Glitz and Glam, they're two dimensional bitches and it's treated like it's good when they get hurt and that they'll be Mammon's new victims

both Moxxie and Blitzo's mother go unnamed in the show despite dying horrifically. they don't get a single line despite both of their fathers being named and with speaking parts - they exist to be tragic saints before being stuffed into the fridge. Blitzo's mother in particular is a major source of his angst. Moxxie's father's bodyguard, meanwhile, was given his own name despite being a bit part who matters not at all on an emotional level (and is shipped with Crimson by the fandom who is happy to flesh out his character despite his also being abusive). the closest we have to a well written mother is Lin, Millie's mother, who appeared back in - hey, season one! what are the odds?

Stolas' mother also doesn't appear to be present on this plane of existence. Paimon meanwhile gets his own introduction and a big chunk of screen time

and even this list might not cover everything!

I ask anyone who can read this and still thinks the show is fine at writing women - how can you still believe that?

and for the 'it's only halfway done!!' crowd I'll simply point out this: in order to fix even half of the issues I've laid out the show would have to have a very heavy focus on its female characters during its back half.

and as of right now we have no reason to believe that will happen. Stolas has joined IMP so he'll only get more screentime - we'll just never be rid of him. Bland as bread Vassago will probably get more screentime alongside Andrealphus, not to mention the likelihood of forcing the audience to endure a Blitzo/Stolas/Vassago love triangle because the fandom likes the idea and I could see Viv going for it too. Stolas is probably going to be given a storyline that's nominally about him learning to have empathy for the poor but in reality is just more of him not changing, bitching and moaning like always while Blitzo waits on him hand and foot.

Via is very likely about to be villainized or at least made to look even more dumb and mean for daring to cut her father off, if that storyline even lasts longer than a few episodes before Viv and Stolas give up caring about it (he'd practically thrown in the towel already in the s2 finale).

what room is there amongst the rest of this mess of garbage for any focus to be given to female characters?

the one storyline outside of Via is Millie's surprise pregnancy, which is a storyline you pull out when you have nothing else for a female character to do and let's be real, is probably just gonna end up being about Moxxie again

Uh oh...you laid it all out in plain black and white, so it's even more apparent how miserably this show treats women! You know how much the fandom hates that!

[serpenlupus]

T-Cogs and the ending of TFONE

(Let it be said that all this theorizing is in the name of fun, not imposing this perspective on anyone else or invalidate someone else's interpretation).

So, Transformers One and the "magical" restitution of every cogless bot's T-cog at the end of the movie, what does it represent, what does it truly mean?

I've come across a few different takes on this, and recently found some criticisms of the movie remarking how everything is fixed way too easily at the end. The energon drought is no longer a problem, and all the cogless miners have a brand new T-cog by the will of Primus himself, which is a step too far for some. Our protagonists got their T-cogs by taking the ones from four dead Primes, but brand new ones materializing out of nothing for all the cogless miners? Nu-uh, too much.

I want to argue that it's not that unrealistic if the T-cogs stand for something that the character were always meant to have, not just in a physical sense.

To be fair, I myself didn't give this too much thought the first couple of times that I saw the movie, it seemed to me like a logical step towards a happy fulfilling ending. After the emotional devastation that was the disintegration of the friendship between Orion and D-16 on the last half of the movie, I think it was much needed tbh xD (And also, probably the studio had to have the movie end with a neat little bow because they didn't know if there could be a sequel and there coulnd't be any loose ends, so there's that as well). But on a couple more whatches and reading some other opinions, I started to think on it more.

There's a point I've seen made a few times, about how a cogless cybertronian can be equivalent to a disability, since transforming is so integral to transformers. Which, I want to make clear, I'm not disagreeing with that, I think it's a pretty fair assesment of the context of that universe and its rules, but I also think it has inadvertedly contributed to thinking about the T-cogs in a very literal, physical sense, and not in a more metaphoric/abstract one. And it can be both!

Other comparisons I've seen for the T-cogs are the capacity for growth, as in, becoming adults per cybertronian standars; unlocking their full latent potential (that's a bit of the same as the first, tbh); or their original role in society/privilege, think warframe/civilian frame like in Animated canon.

However I don't feel like those explanations are quite right. The detail of the T-cog scene with Alpha Trion is often looked at separately from the scene at the end of the movie, because cogs from deceased bots are being used as oposed to "brand new ones", when in truth I feel like the same thing is happening. That these bots have been told the truth, have witnessed it, and with that truth comes something else.

The sentence that Alpha Trion says, " They were one. You are one. All are one" is used often in the universe of Transformers, the meaning behing it being "All are equal"

Perhaps it's because visually the characters are being given something, that is confusing the metaphor? but that something is not a new thing, rather, it was something that they had originally. Something that they should have always had, had not someone else taken it from them, something that, without it, takes away their right of choice and they can only do the one thing they're obligated to do. Something that was taken from them before they were even aware of it being a part of them.

Something that Sentinel convinced an entire society that the Miners didn't have, could have never had, even though he and his own knew it was a lie because they had taken it.

Try to imagine instead, chains being broken.

And remember who's origin story are we watching.

That's right, say it with me now:

And truly, What else could it be?

When Alpha Trion has that conversation with Orion and co. on the cave, revealing that "No child of Cybertron is born without a T-cog", he is giving this freedom back to the protagonists, which is physically and metaphorically represented by the T-Cogs of the fallen primes. The knowledge that he is giving them is that they were always meant to be free, intead of being relegated to the one thing, and with that they can choose their purpose. Be it stop Sentinel or just kill him, that's up to them. It's in part why I think he doesn't try to disuade D-16 of his course of action; he should have the freedom to choose that path, wherever it takes him.

(Trion also probably wanted to see Sentinel getting the shit beaten out of him, but we're gonna sidestep that for now)

When Optimus gives T-cogs to all those miners, he is giving them freedom they were always meant to have. I mean he says it, outloud, at that ending scene: freedom and autonomy to be whomever they want.

Man, to have that panel of IDW Optimus saying "Autbots stans for autonomous robots" right now. I can't find it xD

I guess a counterargument could be that Orion in particular was always trying to choose something other than mining, and was constanly breaking protocol, so he didn't need to physically have a T-cog to have his own autonomy, right? But, 1. yeah that's kind of the point, even if they take it away, freedom is inherent to all of us, and also 2. if you're punished for trying to step out of a role that you've been forced into, you're not exactly free, are you? The simbolism was there reflect the change from wanting that freedom to actually having it.

And the whole thing with the T-cog of Megatronus Prime... I'd say stands appart, mostly because it feels more like a mcguffin or a reperesentation of power, but I think I can try and tackle that on another post.

So, yeah, that's whay I think the writers were aiming at with the metaphor of the T-cogs, although multiple interpretations can always be taken from the same text, these are simply my two cents added to the conversation. Thanks for reading and feel free to add your own thoughts!

[bewyldered]

I haven't seen a lot of discussion about RSD when it comes to ADHD discussions, so I thought I would do the honors since it's been affecting me for many years and I'd like people to know more about it!

I have had a diagnosis for ADHD but was never told- instead learning I had autism through therapy but still having some behaviors that I could never explain that just Happened.

I learned I had ADHD over the summer, and with that, severe rejection sensitive dysphoria.

before reading, please keep in mind that this is mostly talking from personal experience and some skimmed research! not experiencing RSD doesn't mean you do/don't have ADHD, and it may not appear like how it appeared for me. I don't only have autism + adhd either, so those may also contribute to any differences! ^^

RSD is the immense emotional pain after being criticized, rejected, or even teased (ignore my misspell in the panel). This rejection can be real or perceived, and we react like this because it hurts.

The pain can manifest as aggression, bringing on symptoms of depression (thoughts of s/h, isolation, demotivation, etc) and anxiety/panic attacks.

it can cause physical aliments like the above. For me, it causes my heartrate to skyrocket, heart palpitations, the feeling of being in a crisis, and extreme shaking to occur along with stomach pain.

(In fact, right now I'm going through it because making a post talking about this, despite having & dealing with it, makes me scared of other's opinions on it.)

RSD can also take the form of avoiding situations, people, or conversations where rejection or criticism is very possible.

Like other types of dysphoria, it is out of our control and hard to manage. It can last from days to weeks to months, all depending on both the trigger* and the individual.

I had a RSD episode that was on-and-off for a little over a year or two; getting more tame and bearable as it slowly drifted and stopped haunting my mind with the incident.

Compared to the other times my RSD was set off, this moment was a rather big moment in my life and ended up permanently changing me moving forward - which can be the reason why it lasted so long.

Despite how unbearable it can get, there are some ways to cope with it & lessen the effect it has.

Communicate - If you need time to process something that's told to you, you should say so (as difficult as it is). Tell the person(s) involved about your RSD, how you need time to digest information like this and take some time to relax. Trying to respond to the information while going through the head of the dysphoria will be very rough and might not be what you truly want to say.

Distract - This is really useful for me personally! Do something that grabs your attention or occupies your mind. One of RSD's main symptoms is rumination, thinking of something over and over again. I usually listen to music, draw, or play a game that won't frustrate me - like minecraft! (i'd say rain world but some of you would call me a maniac /lhj)

Perspective - This may require some communication, but it can really help and connect with others. See what the involved people thought / perceived, explain, talk. This doesn't always have the chance to end in rainbows and rekindling but at least you understand. Sometimes simply hearing the person explain their own side is enough to ease my RSD, being able to have someone explain themselves to me so i can understand them better.

I also wanna point out the "don't take it personally" thing that people try to use to deal with it isn't something i agree with since we're going to take it personally at first regardless. Later on, not really, but you're trying to cope with the symptoms... telling someone (or yourself) that they're too sensitive & over-reacting is the worse thing you could do.

With time, you can even begin to build up your 'armor' and be able to sustain yourself in situations you might get hurt in. Of course, some things may be able to sneak past and hurt you more than you expect, but at the end of the day, you're trying your best to go about it the best you can while taking so many blows. you're doing great.

OK i dont have a lot more to add so if anyone else would like to talk about their experiences, please feel free! i'm just a little neurodivergent + black artist from new york :]

hope you enjoyed it! sorry for the long post </3

[shiftinglea]

I would like to share some personal things that I would like to create/manifest during this lifetime.

Aside from enjoying abundance in the world, traveling, shifting, and doing all these great things for my enjoyment, there are other things that I’m planning that (hopefully) will contribute to our society.

I have always been drawn to helping others, and I would love to make my work global and help people remember that we are all one and infinite power beings.

When I look at the world we live in, I see that we as human beings have made great technological advancements, but as spiritual beings, most people are still very primitive. And unless humanity starts to awaken, this world will be doomed. The number of people dying of starvation, lacking proper shelter, people killing each other, and exploiting the planet’s resources only grows each year, so obviously, the way we are doing things is not working. This world needs to change. And it starts with you, me, all of us.

So here are my current ideas on how I could help change the world:

1. I want to create public schools that will teach the new ways so that kids don’t grow up with limitations in their minds. The current educational system teaches facts (mostly filtered and changed to fit the government’s agenda), and they want kids to think as they (adults) think. I envision a school where critical thinking is encouraged, where it’s not about memorizing facts but analyzing how people’s behavior, thought process, and emotions play a part in creating their own reality. Where the principles of quantum mechanics are taught so that they understand on a scientific level how they create their own realities. The connection between body, mind, and soul and how to use them to create the lives they want. It would also teach how to be loving, compassionate, and see each other as one. How to embrace our similarities and differences, and many other things.

2. I would love to create hospices. (A hospice is a place of care focused on providing support for dying people). In my hospice, people would be taught more about death, that it’s a joyous and wonderful process. That it’s not death at all, that it’s merely a changing of form and entering a new stage of life. To instill joy and happiness in people before their last breath, to not be fearful of it. Such hospice would also provide care and help to family members of a dying person. To help them go through the grieving process and also remind them that death is just a new stage of life. To guide them through their feelings and help them to see the beauty in the passing of their loved ones.

These are my current ideas. I would also probably create some spiritual retreats with the same concepts. But yeah, such opportunities make me excited. I know it won’t be easy, that I’ll have to get a second degree in order to do that, but I’m here for it. I know I can manifest it being easy, but I don’t mind a challenge

Do you have any ideas that excite you?

[davidisnotmyname]

okay I do think that the adrenaline coursing through my veins while reading the comic for the first time has somewhat faded, and the rose colored glasses I was wearing have turned into normal colored glasses cuz my vision still sucks regardless. Anyways I wanted to actually share my opinions on the story of the comic and how it was handled. As you should be expecting by now, major spoilers for the seventh comic ahead:

First off, I want to make it clear that any criticisms I have are not meant to be a dig at the artists and writers. They could have easily left the project as dead, but they decided to give us all closure after seven years. The comic team is chock full of incredibly talented creatives, and I have only the utmost respect for the time and energy they put into this project. I am incredibly grateful for that. Additionally, I am not an expert on storytelling, nor do I claim to be. I’m just a neurodivergent kid who feels insanely strongly about this game and fandom, and I felt compelled to share my personal feelings. Anyways, yeah here’s what I think:

I am… a bit upset with how they managed the characters in this comic. Not in terms of mischaracterization, they did a fine job with that as per usual. However, it really feels like the mercs got totally sidelined in the comic about the game that they’re literally the main characters of. Most of them had barely any lines (if I am recalling things correctly, Medic did not speak once(obviously pyro doesn’t actually speak, but there wasn’t any mmph-mmphing to be seen anywhere either), Demoman and Sniper had like one line each, and even the mercs who did have more significant line counts felt largely overshadowed by other characters). In my personal opinion, the only merc who had significant contribution to the plot through his lines was Engineer and maybe Spy (soldier and heavy talk quite a bit, but it feels like soldier is only really talking for exposition and to connect to the time skip, and heavy is there to save his ass from the Korean mafia).

They were treated more as background characters than anything. A vast majority of the scenes involve the mercs just standing in the general vicinity of characters like Pauling and Admin as the actual plot happens. It’s disappointing since this was kind of a last hurrah for official lore and characterization regarding the mercs. This was already an issue in the previous comics (with characters like pyro being largely ignored and just hanging out in the background), but it’s increased tenfold here.

also, I cannot express my sadness enough about how we got basically no detailed interactions between the mercs other than spy and scout (duh) and heavy and soldier (double duh). Tf2 is such a unique circumstance in regards to its characters. They are exaggerated and cartoonish in their personalities, but they’re still fueled by their own motivations, fears, and emotions. They’re really fun to watch interact with their world and each other, and that opportunity kind of got chucked out of the window.

A prime example of this would be Medic and Heavy. And no, before you start saying “oh you’re just upset that they weren’t made canon,” I’m not talking about shipping necessarily (although it would have been really nice to have a canon queer couple, especially after so many years, plus their romantic dynamic is really enjoyable at least for me, but hey, it would be kinda out of left field if they were suddenly explicitly). Let’s take a look back at the previous comic, shall we?

in that comic, the very climax is centered around their relationship. Medic dies and goes to hell and Heavy beats the shit out of the Classic Heavy, quite literally stating he didn’t care if he died as long as Classic Heavy suffered. Keep in mind, they haven’t seen each other in months, and they’ve only reunited for like five seconds maybe before Medic is killed. Their bond is explicitly depicted and is used as a tool to move the plot forward. What do we get for the final comic?

uh… well, they certainly stand next to each other multiple times.

ALSO, even simple interactions between the mercs contributed so much to the story, even if it was just the humor of it or just small glimpses into their characters. The whole conversation between Medic and Demo about his eye, Sniper and Spy mildly beefing but ultimately sharing cigarettes while they’re both severely wounded, Heavy and Scout’s conversation on the motorbike. These brought so much life into the story, but in the seventh comic, they took like two dynamics (soldier with heavy and spy with scout) and just ran with it. I wish we could have seen the mercs actually do shit, to basically sum up my incoherent attempt of making a point or two.

[dancingontheblades]

In Part III of The Future of Pairs contains a detailed discussion how gender expectations, power imbalance, age gaps, and cis-heteronormativity negatively impact pairs partnerships and how that could be changed - it's a long but very recommendable reading.

Some excerpts below:

Making skating safe and healthy therefore requires tackling the misogyny and homophobia that lies at the root of the gender imbalance in the sport. Figure skating needs to prioritize education and open discussion about healthy partnerships and the inherent value of all athletes as human beings. The discipline should also question the assumed link between the ideal height and body shape for a pair skater and the skater’s gender. Opening the discipline to teams of any gender would increase opportunities for new partnerships and contribute to a healthier experience for all skaters, including those in traditional female/male partnerships.

On the shortage of men:

The shortage of pair men is, of course, related to the shortage of men in figure skating overall – a phenomenon that is deeply rooted in misogyny and homophobia.  Mary Louise Adams examines the issue in her book Artistic Impressions: Figure Skating, Masculinity, and the Limits of Sport.  “Why do so few men and boys figure skate? Any boy raised in North America could give quick answers to such questions: figure skating is not like other sports. Its costumes and music make it arty and dance-like and therefore more appropriate for girls than boys, just like dance. By virtue of choosing a so-called feminine sport, male figure skaters are often assumed to be effeminate themselves. In a culture in which effeminacy is the primary and most stereotypical signifier of male homosexuality, this means they are also assumed to be gay.”

On the pressure and expectations on women:

Manta was the first female Team USA skater to come out while still an active competitor. She believes the pressure towards conformity has kept queer women closeted, or pushed them out of the sport entirely. “If you want to be a woman in the sport and have a partner who’s a man you need to constantly be proving your worth…So it does make sense that you haven’t had women come out, because you don’t want to create any sort of situation where you are to blame, or you could be the reason to be losing points, or you can be the reason a team’s looked down on.” These pressures create an environment ripe for physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse that the ISU and other governing bodies are only starting to deal with. Abusive training environments extend beyond the skaters themselves; coaches also have enormous power over their (often young and isolated) skaters and can make or break careers. The recent cases of Morgan Ciprés and John Coughlin consisted of sexual assaults by male pair skaters that were allegedly covered up by coaches. These men were too valuable to be held accountable for their actions, whereas the women believed they would be punished for rocking the boat.

Former US Champion Ashley Cain is notably tall for a pair skater at 1.67m, and had the same 20 cm height gap with her partner Timothy LeDuc. It’s notable, however, that Cain received criticism for her height, while Han did not. “There were so many negative comments that would then affect the way that I was thinking about myself,” shared Cain. “This is the body that I was born with. I couldn’t change it, I couldn’t get myself shorter…and it’s something that could have fully pushed me out of the sport if like I had listened to what people were saying about me or the way that we looked.”

On education and empowerment:

We can start to address the dark side of pairs by educating all skaters and coaches about the risks of a power imbalance in partnerships. Large age and/or experience gaps are not inherently problematic, so long as the younger and less experienced partner receives the necessary support and respect from the older partner and coaches, and is empowered to demand fair treatment without the fear of retribution.

On opening teams to any gender:

Perhaps the most helpful reform is also one of the most straightforward. The scarcity of male partners could be addressed by allowing – and fully encouraging – teams of any gender. With more options of possible partners, skaters would be more likely to form strong, equal relationships that would allow them to thrive on and off the ice. [...] Gabriella Papadakis also notes the potential for improving the public perception and popularity of the sport. “Although same-sex pairs are not inherently queer (two straight people can skate together in a very straight way, I assure you), they resonate strongly with younger audiences, nearly 30% of whom identify as queer. This inclusivity is a significant step forward for reaching this demographic. And even for the 70% of straight people, seeing mixed-gender couples that reflect more equal and modern partnerships offers a representation that feels authentic and relatable to how male-female relationships are evolving today.”

[soft-pine]

Hey hey, I saw you said you don't get many asks. I have one! Can you do any freeform thoughts about Pastor Jim? (What he represents, his skillset, how long John's known apparently him, how John cried for him, etc? Whatever you feel like, really.)

I'm fascinated by the fact that by your timeline, it seems that the once John starting leaving the kids with others, those folks started getting picked off pretty early, perhaps inflaming John's sense of paranoia and isolation in parallel to how Azazel isolated Mary and picked off her support systems.

And I'm curious how Pastor Jim fits into this. :-)

hi Shal! that's so nice!! sorry it took me so long to reply!

i love the connection you made with the timeline and people getting "picked off" as you say! yeah i think that would have certainly fueled john's paranoia and stretched him and stressed him even more!

also i apologize in advance because i know you're maybe not a self-described john-anti. and, though i find his character complex and fascinating and sometimes even sympathetic, i do have mostly harsh criticism for him. and also sorry cause your posts are so tidy and well formatted and this is gonna be kinda a spill out. i can pull up citations for anything here if needed though!!

but okay jumping in! i'm really fascinated by the people john had connections to while he was raising sam and dean and i'm interested in the two main subcategories of that group - people he had a falling out with versus people he didn't. pastor jim falls into that second category, along with martin, travis, fred jones, deacon, jefferson (?), and caleb. (the first category includes elkins, bobby, tara, ellen, etc).

i think that part of the reason john kept his family separate from the hunting community at large is because hunters tend to tell each other that kids shouldn't be involved. at least that is the kind of hunter dean became. and i think it's possible that some of the fallings out john had with other hunters was over that issue. that certainly is a contributing factor to the strain in his relationship with bobby.

so what does that say about the hunters which john remained in community with? we don't know much about jefferson or caleb. but martin has a black and white view of monsters and isn't worried about harming civilians himself to get results. travis also is impatient and cruel in his methods. fred jones gave both dean and sam alcohol before they were 10. and deacon is a physically abusive prison guard. maybe this is me being too harsh but those actions stick with me as they overlap with john's own black and white views and in contrast to bobby or ellen for example. none of that says anything specific about jim himself i guess but the general pattern of hunters who didn't have a falling out with john is interesting to me!

unfortunately, the other reason i have a somewhat negative view of pastor jim is i was raised evangelical and ... i did not care for all that. as best as i can tell jim is some form of protestant minister... and one whose denomination has some kind of liturgical tradition. one of my early fic chapters is kinda about him actually. or i mean about the kind of person/pastor that he strikes me as and about the comradery and tension between him and john.

i tend to think of john as somewhat of an atheist. a "nothing up there's gonna save you, you gotta do it for yourself" kinda guy. so i think he kinda puts up with jim's beliefs and faith because jim has a very safe base of operations and seems very well equipped. i also imagine that jim is someone who can offer the kind of emotional support johh might need. from his brief conversation with meg at the beginning of 1.21, it seems like he's used to offering kind of talk-therapy-esque conversations. here's a little excerpt from my fic that shows that kinda?

Dad must have wrapped up his hunt cause he's back in the morning when Dean goes into the house to brush his teeth. “I just don't know how to do it,” Dad's voice is saying, low and quiet from the kitchen. He sounds like maybe he's crying. Dean crouches down low in the front hall. If he walks past the kitchen door, they're going to hear him. “I know, John,” Pastor Jim says. “I know.” “You know, I... I try to do right by those boys... not lay it all on them. But I just. I miss her so much.” Dad is crying now. “You're doing the best you can, John.” “Sam's too young to really understand all this stuff and I know Dean tries,” Dad lets out a long sigh. Dean digs the tips of his fingers into the coarse hallway rug. He doesn't want his Dad to feel like this. He hates that his Dad is sad and he hates that he hasn't done a good enough job making sure Dad knows he can talk to him if he needs to. That he'd do anything. “I've got to hold it together for them, Jim. And some days I feel like I can't.”

(rereading that chap and it's possible i put a bit too much of my own knowledge of and baggage about evangelical issues in the late 80's into it... oopsie)

i really am inclined to think john knew jim for the longest of most of his contacts. i mean in the semi-canonical john's journal, he meets him at the end of the month that mary dies! but even by the show's timeline, jim is trusted enough for john to have him as a backup safehouse for the boys as early as 1988 which suggests he's known him at least some time by that point.

from all the conversations sam and dean have with travis, martin, fred, and deacon, it doesn't seem like they or john have seen any of those people for a long time. but in s1, they're still very in touch with pastor jim. is he perhaps john's oldest and most consistent friend?

which tracks with john's deeply emotive response to jim's death. i would argue the most grief he shows in the show besides for mary. i think that tracks with the loss of a support and confidant of decades. certainly both caleb and jim's death show a devotion to john beyond a care for their own lives.

i'm sorry i don't know if i have much to say about jim's skill set! some of the specific mechanics of hunting and the supernatural are not quite in the purview of the way my spn-special-interest shows up im sorry! but i think the church as sacred ground and jim's familiarity with the concept of demons would both protect him somewhat from azazel's lower level minions and also probably endear john to him.

and what he represents!? oh gosh! i think your narrative analysis is on another level from the one im dabbling around in.

thanks for the ask!! and thanks for all your amazing analysis!

[bonefall]

Any thoughts on Pebblefoot (Minnowtail's brother)? I had an AU with him when I was 16-ish and I've been weirdly attached to that little nobody ever since

Not too many, he's open to suggestions if he's your blorbo. Here's the downlow on BB!Pebblefoot at the moment though;

One of the VERY first episodes of Po3 is the Shinewater Plague. It's pulled up from TNP, so there's more time to dedicate to the WindClan Civil War.

In coming to help RiverClan with the illness that breaks out as a result of the oilspill, Hollypaw realizes she isn't cut out for the life of a Cleric. She is grossed out by the details of sick cats, and finds herself "in her element" when she's leading and commanding, not caring and nurturing.

Patient Zero of the Shinewater Plague is, famously, Tumblekit. Pebblefoot and Minnowtail's sibling, who Minnow dared to drink the shiny poison.

Pebble unfortunately blames Minnow for this. I see him as kind of a hardass, but also, he's not TOTALLY wrong

He doesn't really like "fun" and has trust issues. A stickler for the rules because, well, he didn't follow the rules once and he lost a littermate and was horrifically sick for a week.

Minnowtail's strained relationship with her surviving brother, plus the guilt she feels for how Tumblekit died, is a contributing factor for why she ends up in the Dark Forest.

And it makes Mousewhisker more attractive to her. He doesn't hold grudges, he's super easygoing and is a little bit vain, in a funny way.

He loves looking like he's tough, liked to mention his mentor Iceheart, generally he thinks he's a coolguy! But he's actually LAME.

And that makes him endearing. Ok toughboy. I don't think toughboys spend 15 minutes adjusting their hair in the reflection of a lake.

Pebblefoot disapproves of this, if he finds out any of this before Mouse eventually joins RiverClan much, much later (probably BB!ASC)

He's not ESTRANGED from Minnowtail, just critical of her and strained. He thinks she makes awful choices and deserves to be confronted about them

Pebblefoot has the sort of personality that will be VERY useful in the Impostor's crusade in BB!TBC.

Funny enough, it's a very similar personality to his grandfather, Swansong. They're confident and kind of rude, but Pebble has different life experience that has caused him to have different political opinions.

His uncle and aunt, Stonestream and Willowshine, are less than a year older than he is. I feel like he's pretty close to Stonestream for some reason.

Pebble's mother Dawnflower claimed Queen’s Rights for her litter. Her mate has a little split in the fur at the end of his tail, which gave Minnow and Pebble a false "flipper"

He was probably a Tribe cat, or maybe a loner. Dawnflower isn't interested in anyone in RiverClan, and lived through TigerClan which has made her not entirely trust the "protection" of the Queen’s Rights.

So she probably didn't even know his name, honestly. Didn't WANT to know it.

Dawn has her family, but going through that situation, seeing her uncle get slaughtered in front of a cheering crowd, having your rebel leader die after refusing to snitch out everyone's names including yours and saving your life...

She's traumatized. Acts in emotional self-defense a lot.

Pebble and Minnow probably grew up very aware of that.

I'm not sure when Pebblefoot dies, but it's probably NOT going to be in the great big storm of BB!ThunderClan's Tempest. I have use for him.

[fipindustries]

oppen heimer style

let me just start this by saying that this is not necesarily nolan being back to form, necesarily. i would place it just above the rest of nolan's dark period known as intersrellar, dunkirk and tenet. but that is not an exceedingly high bar to pass.

he has sadly become a director that i still respect appreciate and whose movies i enjoy but whom i can no longer say is an unmatched genius.

lets start with the bad.

its too long, and its pacing its a little awkward, no need to worry for spoilers here since we all know the history. the big money shot that we were all expecting, the trinity test, it happens roughly at the middle of the movie and after that the movie struggles to reach any other point of heightened emotion as high as that one.

its a solid three hour experience and more than once it had me wondering "ok, how much left, are we done yet?" but i will say this: once i reached the final scene and the credits start i did not feel a tired relief that it was finaly over, thank god. i feel dread, i felt doom and dread. i was fucking terrified. this movie has a good strong final scene that makes you forget of previous tests of patience you might have gone through watching it.

it tries to do this weird parallel story telling between lewis strauss and oppenheimer that it feels like they tried to film two different movies and then awkwardly splie them together. it jumps back and forth between the past and the present told form different points of view and a lot of it feels like it could have been cut out and the movie would have worked just as well. im not sure how necessary was the whole lewis strauss subplot to be honest.

the characters and dialog work a little better than in previous movies although we still get a lot of scenes of people talking in a clinical manner with expository dialog and deep philosophical musings. but once again i will say nolan seems to be learning some lessons, we do get a lot of scenes where actors are allowed to flex their emotional muscles.

in a lot of ways this is nolan's most lurid film. i think this is the first time we get to see breasts and naked people having sex in a nolan movie and it hits hard, both because of how unexpected it is in a nolan film and because of how out of context it shows up in-universe. i dont actually want to spoil this one because the effect it achieves actually worked really well.

and now moving on to the good, if i mentioned this might be nolan at his most lurid, it is certainly also at his most poetic. sure there is inception, but in here we get to see a lot of surrealist or downright metaphorical scenes without the excuse of being inside a dream. we get to see things that are not happening literally in universe but that are an artistic representation of what the characters are feeling. it felt really effective.

the man himself

this is a movie that is very much about the titular guy and trying to understand his inner world, trying to understand who the hell was this person, and honestly, where did he get off.

it seems oppenheimer was a complicated man, whose actions and desitions were sometimes confusing, sometimes downright contradictory (there is a nice wink to this when talking about the paticle/wave duality at the beggining of the film). he was a communist, he was a proud american, he was a genius, he was painfully naive,he was merely following orders but he had absolute control over his little town in los alamos, he worked hard for peace, he created nuclear war, he built a bomb that he didnt want people to use.

i heard criticisms that this movie romanticizes his work, that it may excuse or justify the use of the bomb, that it may be too kind with the guy. rest assured it doesnt. the movie brings up multiple times how the japanese were basically already surrendering, how senseless and callous and cruel the use on japanese cities was, how attrocious and horrifying the effects of the bomb were. and how oppenheimer definely contributed to it. if it shows the guy hand wringing or feeling gulty or trying to be a martyr of sorts, the movie definetly calls him out on that too by saying that its very rich of him to have done the deed and then regret it as if he didnt knew what he was doing or as if he had no control over it. a lot of times the movie shows the man as spineless, as a moral coward, as someone who was too weak to take on a position. "you dont get to commit a sin and then make everyone else feel pity for you because there are consequences!" is yelled at his face.

yet all the same, either because he is portrayed by cyllian murphy and his puppy dog eyes or because nolan deep down still admires who he was and what he did, you cant help but feel bad for the guy and like him still. he was a person, a complicated person with ugly sides that this movie in no way ignores, but still a brilliant man who at the very least had the basic decency to feel bad for the atrocities he contributed to.

going back to the movie itself

its has a weirdly star studded cast. if you were surprised by the sudden appearance of matt damon in interstellar, get ready to have that feeling multiple times during this film, every other scene suddenly shows up a hollywood megastar and it will take a few seconds before you accept ok, i guess gary oldman is in this film, and is that rami malek? and oh right, robert downy junior and oh my god is that fucking kenneth brannagh. in fact the one hollywood actor who is NOT in this movie, is surprisingly, inexplicably enough michael caine.

truly, breaking new ground.

and the cameos dont stop at the stars, the characters themselves are a constant delightful surprise if you are into the history of quantum mechanics and science in the first half of the 20th century. you have einstein of course (presented as this old exiled king, his time of glory long past but still sough after for his wisdom) but you have also bohrs, heisenberg, feynman, fermi, and fucking gödel somehow (they managed to shoe in a comment about his paranoia and hipocondry)

the actual explosion

time to talk about the thing we all went to see this movie for. is the atomic explosion cool? is it big? is it loud? does it go boom? does it look cool?.

suffice to say. yes. one of the coolest experiences i had in watching film ever in my life. it has a build up of a solid 30 minutes or so (arguably its been building up the entire movie) the tensin keeps on rising all through out. the countdown slowly advances, the expectations are at the highest theyve ever been and by the time the bomb was actually about to go off in the middle of the american desert, the first atom bomb ever exploted, my heart was hammering out of my chest.

its fully worth the price of admission and the three hours.

final comments

i want to double back to the poetic filmmaking i mentioned early to comment about the main thing its used for. nolan makes it clear in no uncertain terms the horror that atomic weapons unleashed on the world. the man goes out of his way to make it clear, these things can destroy the planet. we've all become perhaps a bit desensitized to atomic explosion in film, made more and more espectacular with the advancement of cgi. but this movie brings it back home and leaves you with a last message about the danger of nuclear proliferation.

i walked out of the theatre with my legs shaking and my eyes falling out of my skull. i had a hard time talking a bit afterwards, i was a little shell shocked.

so, i guess in the end, my thoughts on this movie are just as complicated as the man himself, the man who oppenheimed the world.

8/10

[homicidal-awareness]

Homicidal Ideation in Criminal Psychology and True Crime

An informal essay analyzing the field of criminal psychology and how it affects the perception of people who experience HI. This is based on MY OWN PERSONAL THOUGHTS AND EXPERIENCES! This is closer to an opinion piece and a call to action than a researched analysis. Interpret as such! I may edit later to make it more informative/objective.

See below the cut.

Following the increase in severity of my homicidal episodes, I've been trying to research HI, largely to better learn how to cope with it. I've been searching for professionally written literature, any at all, describing HI. What it is, how it works, how it feels, etc. There's just about nothing, and what does exist is bare bones, is specified to a certain homicidal/suicidal profile that doesn't match a lot of people, and/or is full of stigma.

So, since there's nothing substantial focused on general patients, I've delved some into criminal psychology. There is a fair bit more information there analyzing how HI works, how it can develop, and how it can 'go wrong'. If you read between the lines, you can pick out specific factors that can contribute to it.

Of course, it's all focused specifically on serial killers.

There's plenty to be said about what it does to your perception of yourself to have the only actual portrayals of something you struggle with be in serial killers. But I digress.

I mentioned some information I'd learned from a book on criminal psychology to someone, and they asked an interesting question.

"Do you think these portrayals are abelist?"

I thought that was a nuanced question.

In many ways, yes, it is abelist. The literature tied to this field analyzes these different mental health issues, and specifically in a way where it treats them as components of a murderer. It ignores people who experience these symptoms but do not commit crimes. It may give a brief note that people like that exist, but sortof dismisses their existence as an inherent nuance to the field.

Though, it is important to realize that this field and the literature that exists is designed specifically to look at existing murderers, and work backwards to try to understand how they came to be. They're not analyzing each symptom in a grander context because their field's context is specifically tied to those criminals. So in a way, the individual literature is not really as abelist.

Of course, that doesn't mean the field in context of HI and other stigmatized symptoms isn't abelist though. The overall focus of HI only in criminals, the inherent treatment of HI as only ever a component of a murderer, and the only actual information being as it relates to murderers, THAT is all abelist for certain.

But it all made me realize something as well.

As I read more criminal psychology, read more psychoanalyses of serial killers, I found that none of these descriptions ever mention a treatment plan. They're all fairly detailed, and go pretty in-depth on what exactly happens throughout a serial killer's life, the symptoms they experience, the emotions that contribute to their murders, etc. Many even cite failures of the system in identifying high-risk individuals. But none of them actually propose what steps would need to be taken to remedy an individual going down that path.

I used to think the field of criminal psychology was dedicated to understanding the factors at play in these extreme 'gone wrong' cases, so that psychologists would be better equipped to identify and address similar symptoms in high-risk individuals.

But with the critical lack of treatment plans in any criminal psychology literature, it made me realize that this field is dedicated more to morbid human curiosity. Criminal psychologists want to know what makes a murderer because they want to know what makes monsters tick. They don't care about helping people in similar spots. They barely acknowledge the existence of non-criminals with similar psychological profiles. They seem to think these serial killers appear out of the blue, instead of being products of mental illness spurred on by a failed system.

It makes the field inherently much more abelist, and it all just adds to the stigma and invisibility of homicidal ideation.

I dissociated for a month straight after watching the Netflix Dahmer documentary a few years ago, because I finally saw a portrayal that reflected a lot of the shit I feel. I felt seen. I felt understood. And then I hated myself because I found that in a dramaticization of one of the most infamous serial killers in American history. I was disgusted that I felt so much like Dahmer. And then I was afraid that I was going to end up just like him one day. And with all the stigma and lack of information on HI, that fear has never really gone away.

I've known people who experience HI, who felt similarly regarding that documentary and similar true crime content. Hell, every person with HI I've ever talked to about it has gone through that internal journey, of trying and failing to find resources to help them cope, of seeing serial killers and having to grapple with that being the ONLY representation of their experiences, of having to find out on their own through trial and error how to manage their symptoms. I'd argue most of us have experienced that. And that's unacceptable.

We need actual research, and actual treatment plans, and maybe even some actual fucking representation, beyond serial killers and the morbid entertainment of non-homicidals. HI urgently needs to be destigmatized, because it's the stigma keeping us from getting actual research and resources on how to help us.

[cearthduo]

Decoding c!George: The femininity of cGeorge as a character and the fandom's unfortunate aversion to it. + Reasons to stop making your George design boring for the sake of being "canon"

This will be a kinda short discussion since, honestly, there's not much to talk about. I made this post because I think cGeorge's depiction in both art and writing is heavily criticized for being "too feminine" by people who aren't to well versed in her as a character.

If anyone reading this is familiar with my blog, you will know that I tend to depict cGeorge as hyperfeminine and even use she/her pronouns for the character. While I have my own headcanons that contribute to that, my main reason I do it is because cGeorge is kinda a feminine character.

Dsmp characters are mostly non-gendered. Only a few characters have explicit genders that were given to them by their CC. When it comes to the majority of characters, people are comfortable with any gender headcanon. The one and only exception to that is cGeorge.

The reason for this actually stems from the way the fandom treated ccGeorge in 2020-21. The streamer was often extremely feminized in art and writing, often to the point of being unrecognizable. Over time people became uncomfortable with this depiction and would attack anyone who feminized ccGeorge. People outside of the DreamSMP fandom would often criticize this as well, attacking artists and authors and even causing them to receive death threats.

Because of incidents like that, any and all depictions of George that wasn't a masculine cishet man were seen as cringe, fetishism, and problematic. Even now that the fandom has largely separated the dsmp characters from their creators, the aftermath of this incident still makes people adverse to any feminization of cGeorge.

This is, I believe, part of the reason that cGeorge designs tend to be less creative compared to other characters. Most cGeorge designs are just his skin with minimal changes or as close to the appearance of ccGeorge as possible.

Often times when people draw cGeorge in feminine clothing, they're still criticized with people saying "He would never wear that. He's a grown man." and similar things. But are criticisms like that valid?

Does feminizing c!George mischaracterize her?

Short answer? No.

Long answer? I'd argue that it does the exact opposite.

Depicting cGeorge as a masculine character, while accurate to ccGeorge, isn't automatically accurate to cGeorge. I believe the insistence that cGeorge must be masculine is due to the fandom at large not seeing her as separate from the streamer. If cGeorge, in a lot of people's eyes, doesn't have her own lore; then how could she have her own gender?

The truth is, cGeorge does have her own lore, and the fandom majorly ignoring this fact actually contributes to her femininity. How?

Well, throughout the lore, cGeorge is placed in a role that is stereotypical feminine. Her only worth as a character, to most, is being the love interest of a more important male character. The other characters even see her as an extension of cDream, often blaming her for things he did. cDream even acknowledges this fact and believes that cGeorge is only capable of following his lead.

cGeorge is never treated seriously by other characters. She's seen as incapable, naive, air-headed, and in constant need of protection. She's even been criticized for her emotions, with many characters calling her "dramatic" and "a crybaby" for being reasonably upset. The way other characters treat cGeorge is very similar to how women are treated in media and by society at large.

Having cGeorge's gender, or at least gender expression, reflect this actually helps visualize that aspect of her character in a way that a masculine depiction doesn't.

Other parts of cGeorge's character also convey femininity, albeit very stereotypically. A good example is her enjoyment of flowers and lack of interest in fighting. She's also feminized by other characters for example being called "the huntress" by Quackity, showing that the people around her feminize her in comparison to someone more stereotypically masculine.

What about designs? Doesn't dressing her stereotypically feminine misrepresent her?

When it comes to outfits, a lot of people go for things that are very practical. I see a lot of masculine clothing that consists of pajamas, sweats, or just (again) the default skin. A few of the times where I've drawn cGeorge, I've been condemned for drawing her in non-pratical hyper-feminine clothing. I've had people tell me that it doesn't make sense for cGeorge to dress up when all she does is sleep.

And I think takes like that miss a very crucial part of cGeorge's character, which is that: she sold her soul for the dsmps equivalent of designer fashion!! cGeorge is not a modest dressing person, at least not by choice. She's canonically obsessed with having the best there is. I mean, the entirety of early smp cGeorge's lore was that she was so obsessed with enchanting all her items that her friends felt they needed to kill her to get her to contribute to the server.

Not to mention the fact that cGeorge still sees herself as the King of the dsmp and holds the title of prince of Kinoko. cGeorge in general seems to have almost this grandiose view of herself, still believing that the smp belongs to her. It makes wayy more sense for her to dress extravagantly than to dress comfortably. Especially since 9 times out of 10, she isn't even going to sleep on purpose. Meaning that she likely dresses herself expecting to be running around the server.

cGeorge also doesn't fight much. That means that putting her in clothing suitable for moving about isn't necessary for her the way it would be for a character like cDream or cTommy. This gives more freedom for designs! Even if you want to be realistic to the character/setting they're in.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, your depiction of cGeorge is your depiction. Whether you prefer to depict the character as feminine, masculine, or even androgynous, have fun with it! Don't make her a certain way for the sake of "being canon" or "not wanting to be seen as someone who fetishizes fem men." cGeorge isn't real. She doesn't have a gender. And playing around with ideas doesn't make your depiction wrong. Don't let anybody tell you what you can't do and don't go around policing other people's designs.

But uh you should be more creative because I'm so tired of cGeorge just being "guy in t-shirt" while all the other characters look cool and unique. I'm getting sick.

Alright, that's all. I'm going back to writing my cDnf analysis now. I'll post again in 10yrs xoxo.

[princeasimdiya12]

Bucchigiri Finale Thoughts

So I watched Episode 12 earlier today and had some time to think things over. And unfortunately, I realized that I didn't like this episode very much. Granted there are a good amount of moments that I did enjoy and contributed well to the main themes of the series. But there were too many moments that I felt undercut my enjoyment of the show. So fair warning, a lot of what I have to say is fairly critical and kinda negative. If you agree or disagree with anything I've said here, feel free to reblog this with your own comments. And if you're not into negativity, feel free to ignore this.

But I will start by mentioning the things I did like.

Just like everyone and their gyoza-making mothers, I loved the final fight scenes. The choreography was well executed and I thought the animation was top notch, both when it came to Senya vs Ichiya and Arajin vs Matakara. I really liked how in depth they went with the fighting sequences and the dark colors fit really well with the tone of the drama of the scene. The emotional range between the fighters felt incredible; the actors truly gave it their all when going about their fights.

And the part with Arajin mustering the power to save Matakara was beautifully done. I was in awe when Arajin brought up how Matakara became the very monster he tried desperately to destroy which really got a crack on his defenses. The sequence of Arajin reaching out to Matakara's inner child to help him out of his despair was gorgeous. Especially since Ara-chan used the Friendship Stone both to help the inner child and later when telling his old friend that he's not alone anymore. That was really great and genuine character growth, especially since Arajin accepted that he was in the wrong for leaving him all the time.

And as I mentioned in an earlier post, I did love the first scene with Arajin meeting Matakara for the first time. But as a twist, it was Arajin who was inspired by Matakara's dedication to being a Honki Person and volunteered himself to train alongside his new friend. That was a great twist and it adds new depths to how Arajin was actually inspiried by his old friend and not the other way around like we believed for so long.

So those were the parts that I genuinely enjoyed. Now for the parts I didn't really like..

On one hand, while it is nice that Zabu wasn't brutally beaten to subconsciousness, I do kiinda wish that he did have to be hospitalized. It just feels so off-putting how he's relatively okay despite being brutally mauled by Matakara only a few hours ago. Especially since Marito and Kenichirou wound up in the hospital after losing to Matakara. Plus I feel like it undercuts the drama and severity of the situation by having Zabu be fine enough to look for Matakara. It doesn't help that he and Komao don't really do much apart from running around trying to find their friend.

Also, I hope I'm not the only one but did anyone else feel uncomfortable with this scene?

I understand that Mahoro did it in a desperate bid to bring her brother back but the way she described Kenichirou here was just... gross.

Not insane, not weird, not quirky, not even ridiculous.

It was just gross for me to see her dehumanize one of the few dark skinned characters on the show. Even if he's not black/black coded, it still rubs me the wrong way that she would say those things so casually. Especially since Japan can be really casual when it comes to making racist/offensive remarks to brown skinned people in it's media. Plus there are tons of other ways she could have referred to him without calling him a gorilla. Like meathead, blockhead, oaf, ogre. Any other insult could have worked and been more acceptable than the ape insult. And it's unfortunately consistent since she did call him a gorilla during the Gang War Arc.

And then there's this part...

I don't know if it was Mahoro's doing or if that's what the original nurses did, but it was just uncalled for. Both for the unspoken racism and for how it doesn't even apply to Kenichirou's character. Out of the three banchos, he's always been the least violent and was always shown to be tranquil and easy to work with, unlike Marito and Akutaro who were more unhinged, wild and violent in comparison. There shouldn't be any reason for him to behave so violently that the staff would resort to shackling him like an animal. Especially given how defeated he looked when Matakara beat him in a fight.

Another reason why I dislike this scene is because the characters involved (Mahoro, Marito, Kenichirou) do nothing to contribute to the final duel between Arajin and Matakara. None of these characters actually show up until the end when Matakara apologizes to everyone. You could have made it so that during the apology scenes, the two gang leaders could have shown up while covered in bandages or crutches. There really isn't a need to show us Marito waking up since we could get that later on in the end with Matakara apologizing to Siguma Squad.

The same can be argued for Zabu, Komao, Outa, Jabashiri and Hagure. Even though they spend most of their time hunting down Matakara and Arajin, they don't exactly contribute to the final duel or offer any words to the main heroes. They just show up and the duo resolve their problem like nothing.

Regarding Ichiya's secret of him dying, while it's not the worst reason for him to be so insistent on fighting Senya, I do wish there was more build up or at least some hints to it. It just feels like a random reason for why Ichiya developed his grudge against Senya. It's not the worst reason and it does make sense for why he wanted to die like a Honki Person instead of to a random illness, it just leaves a bad taste to how it happened to him out of randomness.

And wow, Arajin is never going to overcome the internet hating him for being a perverted simp mc.

In a way, it makes some sense since Arajin's character arc was never about respecting women or learning that there's other ways to be a man apart from stealing a girl's virginity. That was never the focus as the story wanted him to confront his mistake of abandoning his old friend and not running away from his problems. That said, this still won't look good for him since fans are going to be turned off of Bucchigiri because of his perversions and how the show doesn't encourage him to change.

And as I've come to realize, the show itself doesn't seem to mind with the characters not growing out of their negative vices. A critique I have is that the show doesn't go out of it's way to challenge the beliefs of these characters or push them to grow into better people. Arajin is perfectly okay with being rude to everyone while pursuing a girl just so he can lose his virginity to her, Mahoro continues to lust over her older brother and has no interest in anything else, Marito is still a bloodthirsty bad boy who lives and breathes fighting, Kenichirou doesn't mind repeating high school as long as he gets to run Minato Kai, even Yayako prefers to act like a bubbly airhead rather then act like a responsible and respectful adult. And even with Matakara's corruption arc, he doesn't really recognize how harmful his idolization of Arajin was since the focus was more on his loneliness and trauma of being alone. Maybe because I'm spoiled by Mob Psycho 100, but it saddens me to see how these characters don't grow into better people or make an effort to change themselves. Especially since there can be potential for all of them.

And while I'm glad that Arajin and Matakara were able to become friends again, it feels like a letdown that there's no build up to it. It just rushes straight to them becoming friends again without acknowledging their negative attributes. Th same with puppy boy getting everyone to just accept him with no repercussions or consequences. It feels like letdown as there were no serious consequences for his actions. Like he could just go on a despair-induced rampage again and they'll just keep accepting him. On paper it's rather wholesome, but it does feel contrived if everything just works out without problems or how Matakara doesn't need to work hard to earn their forgiveness. That would have been for a greater character moment and to show Matakara taking responsibility for his actions. But we never see Matakara doing that and him being accepted by the gang feels rather hollow. It's technically nice that he has his friends back and that SS won't have his heart on a stick, but it feels hollow.

Speaking of taking non-responsibilities and being accepted by the gangs, Akutaro is now back with the NG Boys and they're accepting of him?

I really do wish we could have had a scene that explains how the heck he was able to win back his old gang despite them professing that they weren't going to let him beat them around like before. It just feels offputting that Akutaro is back in charge and has their respect with zero explanation or even any build up to it. He spent all his time trying out different jobs and activities but nothing to suggest that he wants to go back to his old club again.

Not to mention that this is still bad news for Minato Kai since Akutaro still has his hatred for Kenichirou and still longs to destroy him. And given how he also hasn't grown out of his negative vices, it's more than likely he'll come up with a new plan to destroy them albeit a different approach. Though the other gangs will be aware of him trying to wreak havoc on them again, I sincerely doubt that that'll stop Akutaro from having his revenge. And with the NG Boys and Girls behind his back, he definitely has a shot at it.

Then there's the resolution with the Nyan Nyaight Love segment. While it was endearing with the Receptionist wanting to help out the Customer, I'm just trying to wrap around the logic behind the Receptionist accepting him again.

It doesn't make sense to me how he'd be accepting of the guy who abducted one of your prized cats, lose her, and then just welcome him back with another cat. It's setting up a cycle for the Customer to fall in love with a new cat only for him to become obsessed with her and then try to steal the cat out of "love". And while the show focuses on him learning to lose his shame of visiting NNL, it doesn't try to challenge his dependency on cats for company along with his hostile jealousy.

Is the Receptionist aware of this potential problem and how it can happen again to another cat? Is the manager of NNL willing to accept the Customer again along with the risk of jeopardizing his business? I can't imagine how difficult it must be to promote a cat only to lose it because of a depressed nutjob.

Also, to the anon who was grossed out by Arajin's mom, I'd like to give a complete apology to you for refuting your claims. Because this...

This was not necessary.

I mean, it is interesting to know that Marito shows attraction to girls/women which gives more depth to his character. And while it is weird for him to hit on an older women, it's still technically okay since it is normal for teens/youth to show attraction to adults that catch their interest.

But what isn't okay is Yayako's reaction to his attention.

Again, she is a grown woman getting over excited because a teenage boy is trying to hit on her. And she's okay with this? Like ma'am, not only is that concerning because of the blatant age differences but you're also a married woman (according to the additional info). How are you so lenient with being hit on by a guy who could pass for your son? Like really? I used to think of Yayako as a quirky, wholesome woman who needed to not let her son treat her like trash. But now I'm seriously questioning her values and how she treats everything in her life like a soap opera.

In regards to Mitsukuni being in a coma and waking up, it was... okay. Like I'm happy that Matakara will get his big brother back and they'll be able to move into an apartment like they wanted to. But I feel that the reveal of him being in a coma undercut alot of the emotional turmoil Matakara went through. I don't know, it just feels rather hollow knowing that Mitsukuni was always there and was going to make it out alive while his little brother was running around like a war machine. It's conflicting in all honesty.

But what isn't conflicting was how much I really didn't care much for Senya returning in the last shot. I wasn't moved by Senya showing up in the last scene or how Arajin secretly missed him. Maybe it's because of how Arajin constantly yelled at him or acted like he didn't care. And while he does care in his own way, I just felt disinterested in the reunion and I had no strong emotions of Senya returning. It doesn't help that the part with Senya and Ichiya "leaving" didn't really have alot of emotional depth to make the reunion more impactful. Senya not coming back would not have me upset.

And those would be my thoughts on the final episode. For those who stuck around to read all of this, I thank you for doing so. And to those that stuck around, I apologize for the excessive negativity. And like I mentioned above, you're more than welcome to reblog this with your thoughts and whether you agreed, disagreed or have something to say regarding my post.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this along with my other posts for this ridiculous show. Your feedback means alot to me and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Nana na na, Nana na na, Nana na na na na...

[horizon-verizon]

You know, after someone on Twitter pointed out that Rhaena--Dreamfyre's rider--booked it with not only her child but Blackfyre to get away from THE Maegor but people think Helaena could do nothing, I got to thinking about other criticisms about Helaena's passiveness contributing to the usurpation.

I also saw someone say that she should have been written to be more like Young show!Alicent.

Overall, I've shifted in my some of my thoughts...a little. Or perhaps I'm just explaining myself.

We don't have any indication that Helaena and Rhaenyra were all that close--saying "sweet sister" could also mean Rhaenyra showing mercy to a non-actor, make sure her kids at least have a mother (even though at that point, Rhaenyra hadn't thought of even killing her brothers), or maybe because she felt Helaena was still also a pawn and thus deserved to have the chance of living along with those ids peacefully.

I'm not saying bk!Helaena was objectively totally helpless to at least declare she wouldn't be using Dreamfyre or anything like that. I'm saying that she believed she was. And possibly and very likely like Young!Alicent, learned to put herself subsidiary--body and mind--towards Aegon-being-king goal and probably convinced herself that the "best" thing for Rhaenyra and herself was Aegon being king.

It's also important to note that the greens would very likely have thought that Helaena shouldn't actually fight on Dreamfyre or fly away to Dragonstone:

Aenys didn't want Rhaena to take her dragon out on the progress he arranged for his chosen heir/her brother--Aegon (the "Uncrowned")--because he didn't want to invite any public emasculation for said heir when Aegon tUC didn't even have a dragon yet. Dreamfyre is also, very likely, much bigger than Sunfyre. Obviously, societal gender ideology playing their hand here in how the monarchy/higher classes will control their own image...

For a group trying to push forward and maintain a male's superiority and later tries to use the symbols of rulership during a hasty coronation, then had Aegon ride his dragon around KL after said coronation...even on point of an actual battle--unless they felt pressed to have to rely on Helaena in the "last" moment--they will not want Aegon to look "weak" in anyway when placed next to his own Queen Consort.

Helaena has her "job" in KL to safeguard the wellbeing of the heirs Aegon has, and like with Rhaena in a way, she is compelled to stay behind to present a force of protection for said heirs.

Unlike Rhaena, who's mortal enemy was Maegor--the died she was running from--Helaena in this scenario would be betraying her own family who hadn't r*ped or directly threatened her kids the way Maegor did Rhaena. We may argue that her marriage to Aegon must have had some acts of nonconsensual contact bc of who Aegon was (some'll argue that like Rhaena, she should have taken this for the horror it was or have some perspective and dip), but it's also important to note that (a) this was a world where marriage isn't really that much of an option for any noble offspring (much less the girls) (b) this marriage was not the type of "against her will" as Rhaena's or made during war, but the "ordinary" aristocratic kind--thus Helaena had no necessary substantial push or incentive to "defect" or go against Aegon and her entire family (c) "duties and obligations" feudal mindset amplified by family bonds is strong enough for many ordinary people to not pursue any possible doubts they may have.

unlike Rhaena, Helaena more or less has been kept like a pseudo-child apart from marriage bc of that intellectual, emotional, etc. isolation she'd have

I think that bk!Helaena had to have leaned towards on Aegon having more of a "right" because she, like show!Alicent but I still also think she never expected to actually be called to war on Dreamfyre because of her role as his wife...at least until they have exhausted their "resources" so they can win the day, as men & these systems tend to do (exclude women until they absolutely need them). The difference b/t her and Rhaena's situation is that:

Rhaena seemed to have made that decision herself or mostly herself after Aegon decided to not send their daughters away, whereas Helaena's green part of the family would have made this decision for her and she anticipated this and chose not to try to resist even if she felt even a bit trepidation of some kind of betrayal against Rhaenyra [look below in the next paragraph]

As both her maternal and paternal parentages are either Velaryon or Targaryen, Rhaena didn't have anyone else to really raise her kids if she AND her brother Aegon (the "Uncrowned") were to die in battle. No family outside of younger children, no other army besides that of her closest friends which wasn't enough against Maegor in general. Helaena, however, has her mother's maternal house already hosting her younger brother Daeron AND at least 2 other dragons-riders (yeah I'm including Aegon even though rulers really shouldn't go to battle themselves unless extreme circumstances call or suggest that's needed--I think she would have known he'd go of his own will) before she'd ever be "called" to fight

I'm talking the greens/Alicent being even more extreme in their Faith beliefs and/or putting on performances of faithfulness towards the "natural", gendered order favoring male primogeniture that the Faith constantly affirms.

Despite what I point out abt Aenys and the progress and Aenys' own desperation to get the Andal descendant subjects to "love" him through his people pleasing, they still were not exactly zealots but being zealots; more than anything, they feened for validation form people around them and to successfully assure the dynasty's survival through people pleasing. Rhaena had parents who were something from accommodating towards her despite their own version of desperation one might parallel to the greens' shadier one. They did not force Rhaena to conform at the same level or consistency. And we know this bc Alyssa herself points out that if she had been a bit more hands-on with Rhaena, she wouldn't have had to see her hang out "too much" with her female friends, which is why she was much more observatory of who Alysanne spend her time with (funny how this still didn't work, but I digress).

There's sometimes, with some girls/women, a point where a woman/girl would just "give in" to the prominent sense of her particular group when she observes she has little real say or agency in most things, including her own body and isolated from any other alternative base of knowledge than what those who raised her have given. And this could come with a sense of having to go towards the "easiest" route available to you and "everyone" involved. Conflict avoidance. And it begins really young, of course.

So, to review, Helaena probably never even thought that a declaration to not use Dreamfyre was even necessary because she nor the greens around her would have thought to use her in that way. And thus, I still think she decided to "make the most" of a situation by complying with her green side and look for a more peaceful end, and thus both decided to clam Aegon down at that council by going along with Orwyle's more "Rhaenyra will have to see reason" attempt at negotiations ("The Blacks and the Greens"):

Both women are looking to avoid losing their own kids, but Alicent more than Helaena is actually willing to wage a war if "need" be. This quote makes me feel like what I've argued above about Helaena always looking to go the more conflict-adverse option available.

This doesn't mean she wouldn't be culpable, but neither does it mean she eagerly thought Aegon "deserved" to be king or was so zealous about male primogeniture as some imply just because she didn't announce herself "neutral", grab her kids, and fly to Rhaenyra to prostrate herself.

Not exactly "brainwashing", more a self-defeating understanding of herself and the world about her based from a very common education of one's relationship to authority. Younger show!Alicent annoyed me, but I didn't exactly have any negative passion for her until her confronting Rhaenyra in ep4. I do think that it's pretty cool people have thought show!Helaena should have acted more like Yshow!Alicent; I agree!

[bitesize-astrology]

A Drastically New Approach

Saturday - September 14, 2024

When I became a contributing Astrologer at Sirius Joy (SiriusJoy.com), I had to address my own questions about the correct House system to use. I used Placidus but that didn't seem right. SJ uses the Equal House system, but even now I STILL have questions, and am doing a deeper dive into all of them. And that includes the radical idea that House systems are still not correct, or are even necessary.

Can you get outside of your own opinion and intellectual comfort zone and go higher? That's the teaching today as the Sun sits at 22°, an Aquarius ruled degree that invites you to stretch your emotional and intellectual maturity in order to create a more satisfying reality given we are in Virgo season. And with the Moon in Aquarius that should help you detach from any emotional or intellectual constraints in order to find the deeper truth.

This is how you avoid the intellectual traps of cognitive dissonance, confirmation bias, the framing effect, group think, or strawman arguments. Remember, there are all kinds of products we have today that 50 years ago inventors were being criticized for even dreaming about.