#the fucking post concert feels are too intense tho

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP,

I really enjoy your blog and your level-headedness when it comes to everything surrounding BTS and Jikook. You often post really good takes and answer asks quite comprehensively.

Which is why I'm sending my ask to you regarding that short clip of Jikook at the airport during the baghug.

First off: Jimin seemed to really need that hug, it seems, because he (a) seemed a bit subdued during the walking-in part and (b) ge literally barrelled into Jungkook. There was impact made even tho JK was barely bothered. Maybe that interpretation of desperation instead of affection is what makes me a bit sad about my observation.

That JK did indeed remove Jimin. It's not like similar situations when JK was still a teen - it was rather gentle. From another angle, it looked like Jikook both moved at the same time after that talk with their bodyguard. A simple "okay, now it's time for travel business" motion.

I don't even know why this makes me think so much? Why I circle back to the fact that it wasn't entirely wanted which is apso not true, since JK was going along for the majority of the clip. Even swaying. Especially when we know Jikook are just as close as they've always been. I don't think the physical separation during their individual album releases hurt them, they're too good of friends for that. There are bonds in your life, nothing but an actual intense disagreement can ruin. And didn't we still get Kookie flirting with Jimin, and Jimin joining his golden concert?

I think, whatever they're up to in Tokyo, it will give them a lot of time to spend together. Off-line. Recuperating.

----

I read somewhere that In The Soop was kind of conceptualised to counteract a drifting apart of the members during the pandemic. Maybe Jikook and Hybe came to the conclusion, that with their schedules being what they are, producing a show would be the perfect cover-up for spending time together with the added benefit of having enlistment content. If that's the case, it makes it doubly...interesting let's say, that it's not all four or just the Maknaes or any other combination going places. That no other member has been mentioned in connection to this.

*

Ask 2:

Idk if this will make sense, I'm the somewhat insecure ask from a few hours ago. Panicking about that dumb airport clip.

Well. I'm not anymore.

Because Jikook are allegedly headed to Sapporo (spelling might be wrong, sorry). The more we learn - even in snippets - about this trip, the more fuzzy my heart feels. Happy, even.

They went to Tokyo as close as they could probably manage to their last trip there, aka the GCF Tokyo anniversary. That last time was a "REAL LOVE" declaration during a time neither were in a really good place. Tokyo was an escape removed from the worries of their life and fame. A snow globe of happiness, you can shake every time your demons get to you. A gift from one person seeing the one always taking care of them falling apart, and deciding to take the weight of their shoulders. It's so fucking beautiful.

And now, after a year of emotional turmoil with their hyungs enlisting, of the physical separation that releasing two incredibly important albums brings, of duties and barely any breaks. Now they go back to Tokyo and Japan just before they have to enlist.

None of this is a coincidence.

To add to that Sapporo. Where it's snowing now. The implications for Jikook are big. We know Jimin loves snow, that JK knows that as much as we do, that watching the first snow together is a superstition for Korean couples. And now Jikook are there, in the first major Japanese city legalising same sex marriage - the city of love. While JK wore a rLOVElution hoodie, a line being dedicated to lgbtqia+ acceptance, just like during his NY outing with Jimin.

I could criticise everyone villifying their bond here, but now I don't want to anymore. Just look at what Jimin and Jungkook get to experience, even if only for a little time, and tell me that it's not the most beautiful thing.

The person having "please love me" tattooed on his body and the person singing "just let me love you". Serendipity and Euphoria. Black and White. Sun and Moon. Poets would weep cause they couldn't write a love this beautiful.

***

Anon,

After you sent in the first ask I started drafting my reply to you (pasted below the asterisk) but left the draft unfinished because I had life to attend to. Then you sent in the second ask, and what you've said in this second ask is so beautiful, I don't want to ruin it with my pontificating. So I'll leave my draft unfinished (I think you eventually answer in the 2nd ask what you're asking in the 1st).

Regardless of anything, jikook have a real connection, a real relationship, and a real history. What exactly that looks like I don't know, but I do know whatever it is, it's real.

*

Draft:

“I read somewhere that In The Soop was kind of conceptualised to counteract a drifting apart of the members during the pandemic. Maybe Jikook and Hybe came to the conclusion, that with their schedules being what they are, producing a show would be the perfect cover-up for spending time together with the added benefit of having enlistment content.”

Let's not dismiss this right away, because there’s a possibility you're right and this could be true. But I don't see any of this, in my opinion. I don't think this Japan trip is arranged by the company because they're drifting apart, though I agree it's being made for content to keep parts of the fandom engaged. My counterpoint to that though is that if BigHit really was making this just for greenbacks, it would've made more sense for this to be a taekook trip and not jikook - given taekookers are the largest and oldest shippers in the fandom, and this would've been an easy way for BigHit to capitalize on the recent bromance we've seen from them in chapter 2. But it's jikook, and there could be many reasons for why, maybe sometime down the road Tae joins them or we get a similar show with him, but right now, with everything that's led up to now, the easiest explanation for why jikook are going on this trip is because they want to.

And that's good enough for me.

[taenys]

♢ shinee world v in la ♢

alright so I’ve finally gotten home and have been able to write a detailed fan account of the whole thing which includes their airport arrival!!! the whole thing ended up being over 2.5k :’))) unsurprising considering who I am (resident essay writer of the internet) but i did try to keep it as short and to the point as possible. 

anyways if any of y’all are interested in reading a really emo and sappy essay about shinee and what was undeniably the best day of my life from my seat in the pit, read on!

Airport arrival: I saw Jonghyun’s face so clearly. Key went by me in a flash clinging to him, so I got a clear profile shot. Taemin’s face was covered but his beautiful eyes were visible and I got a very clear look at him. Minho as well, although he was wearing sunglasses, he was tall and brooding. Onew passed before I could see him. Taemin looked at me wide-eyed, inquisitively. I was in front of their van on the sidewalk making hearts at them while they got in and got ready to enter traffic to leave and Minho and Taemin got a clear frontal view of me doing so and both of them smiled, but Taemin’s eyes were on me for quite a while. Once they started to drive away, I waved frantically at them and Minho waved back at all of us. 

Jonghyun’s face caught me off guard. I was in a stunned silence when I saw him, his poreless, airbrushed, perfectly chiseled angelic beautiful unreal face. The entire time I said nothing. No words came out of my mouth, no screams. I was silent. In complete and utter AWE. I’ve never experienced that before meeting an idol. At SNSD’s fanmeet, I screamed (to the dismay of Jessica lol). At every concert I’ve screamed as is customary lol. When I saw f(x) at the airport I called out their names. At EXO’s fanmeet I screamed to get Kris’ attention. But seeing SHINee, right in front of me, their beautiful faces materialized, and even more breathtaking than I could possibly comprehend, the 5 boys I have adored so completely for 7+ years, who’s music has been a constant soundtrack playing on repeat every day of my life…I couldn’t formulate words or sounds to express all those emotions. There were none that could do them justice. The love I felt was so fucking overwhelming, as soon as their van started to drive away and Minho’s waving ceased I broke. I cracked. The suffocating sense of adoration and joy at seeing them, seeing my boys, my loves, and my reasons for existence, I fucking SOBBED. Not small tears but full on snot inducing yelps. I literally choked on my emotions. I had to run back into the airport to my mom to hide these tears from everyone else because they were just so ridiculous lol. Everyone else was all giddy and going over their fancams and screaming with each other. I just cried and cried. I could not believe it. I couldn’t process the whole experience. I love them so much, I can’t even begin to tell you guys just how much. I realized it at that airport when I saw them. It was such a different experience than all my other crazy kpop idol meeting experiences. 

Also, just as a note, the whole thing about them being mobbed was greatly exaggerated. It only looked that way on camera because we had all unfortunately formed our organized lines in front of the doors, but they ended up coming down an escalator so we all had to run over and form NEW lines from the escalator to the door and so it looks like we all tried to swarm them. They all tend to walk really fast so we didn’t even have the opportunity to form new lines since by the time we got to them, they were already nearing the exit so at that point we all just tried to see them and welcome them as best we could. There were only like 1-2 fans who were being disrespectful and obnoxious, but trust me when I say most of us were filming and following from a safe enough distance or at least trying to.

The concert: As soon as I found my seat, which was in row D in the pit aka the 4th row from the stage, my heart stopped. I was so close. SO FUCKING CLOSE to the stage SHINee would be on. And I was right in the center too, I’d have a clear center super close view of them, and the realization of that was utterly staggering. The energy around me was filled with excitement and glee, but I was in my own little bubble of heart quenching awe and disbelief. I could see my mom and my sister in the row behind me and I gave my mom the “Can you believe this is happening” look and she smiled and nodded. She and Ruby (sis) were experiencing their own waves of excitement but I wasn’t with them to share in it. I was alone where I sat but that was what ended up happening during the ticket buying bonanza. I was able to score 1 pit ticket, and we all agreed it would be mine since I was the “main” fan in our little trio. SHINee was ours, but first and foremost they were mine. But luckily my mom and sister got seats together and only a row behind me, so they were just as close as I was to the stage. While we waited for the show to start the venue played their music and the crowd chanted along to most of them. I sang too with my eyes closed, ready for the inevitable. I had to told myself in the weeks approaching the date that I would do my best to study and analyze every member’s face and mannerisms as best I could. Since I knew they’d move around and switch sides a lot, I knew I’d have an opportunity to see every member at some point.  When the venue got dark and the light blared and the first VCR started my heart was racing a million miles an hour. My mind was repeating “this is real, this is happening, they’re going to come out and you’re going to see them, you’re going to actually fucking SEE them. The boys who’ve made your entire life worth living for the past almost 8 years are going to be right in front of you, singing all your favorite songs (because all their songs are my favorites, LITERALLY), and you’re close enough that they’re going to see YOU too,” that last thought being the MOST mind blowing of them all. The people sitting directly in front of me were luckily not taller than me, so my head was higher than theirs when we stood which meant SHINee would get a clear shot at my face when they looked in this direction. I opted to wear these cute aqua cat ears with flowers on them in my hair to hopefully draw their eye. 

Finally the VCR ended and we all stood up and we knew it was time. We screamed. I screamed “I’m not emotionally ready oh my god” to the girl sitting next to me (lol). I wasn’t ready and I don’t think I ever WOULD be ready. How do you prepare to see your favorite humans of all time? They opened with Hitchhiking and I was screaming the lyrics along with them, and oh my god they were so close to the edge of the stage, closer to me than I even imagined, I could see every detail of their faces and it was breathtaking. At one point Jonghyun looked directly into my eyes and held my gaze for a few seconds and smirked. What I noticed first was, they’re all so much more beautiful in real life than is even humanly possible, and secondly they were all dancing SO HARD and with SO MUCH INTENSITY it was stunning. They were dripping in sweat after the first 3 songs but MAN did they dance with every ounce of strength they had. Their passion and drive was just astonishing and inspiring to witness. Onew’s dancing was especially impressive. Taemin’s dancing is so fluid and poetic and I can’t believe I got to witness his shirtless godlike body in person so close WOW. Minho is so much more godly than you can imagine. Jonghyun is small (smol) and darling with those sharp cheekbones and puppy eyes. Key is so intense and cat-like in his features which are more defined in real life. Onew is pure gorgeousness, his smile is the most beautiful thing that exists and will ever exist. It’s hard to believe any of them could be so beautiful. I won’t go song by song describing how they looked and how they felt because I’d have to write over 10 pages and who has time to read all of that lmao I’ll just point out the “highlights.” Key’s English. I know we all know it’s great but hearing it in real life was an experience. He sounds so confident and cool, I adore it with my life. When he told us that this was real and we weren’t seeing them through youtube I fucking BALLED. Because that’s exactly what was so shocking and emotional for me, that I was actually seeing them. And they were fucking seeing me too. Minho and Key being playful and silly speaking English added 10 years to my life. Honestly, Minkey are so important. Their banter is the best thing. I couldn’t believe I was experiencing my otps in real life too LMAO. They were all exactly how I knew they’d be. Taemin would be shy and smiley, like the baby he is, Onew would be aloof and dorky and too precious for words, Jonghyun would be flirty and silly and not try out any English lol, Minho would be so cool and sexy during performances but turn into a sweet cinnamon roll during talks, and Key would be the leader, confident and charismatic and intense. They were all so perfect. Jongtae hugging, Taemin speaking English, it was all too cute to witness. 

Minho spent a lot of time on my side so I got the most fanservice from him. It was unfuckingbelievable. He is an actual god among mortals I’m telling you. His endlessly long legs and slim abdomen, and that tiny gorgeous face with those huge expressive frog eyes and round lips, his entire existence is bliss. He looked at me and smiled a TON because I was making hearts. Taemin was in front of me at one point too, with nothing obstructing his view of my face since the people in front were small and he looked at me and smiled that babyish smiley of his that I live for. Key looked at me and raised an eyebrow curiously at one point as well. Onew got wide-eyed and excited when he saw me and a few others make the “MVP” with our hands during his line in replay. I can’t express enough just how fucking gorgeous and perfect their faces are. I can picture them all so fucking clearly in my mind, it gives me heart palpitations. Even my mom said afterwards at the hotel that there’s no way they’re real. Speaking of my mom, Taemin is the actual love of her life, so when he did his solo stage of Goodbye she snuck up to the front row just to watch him lol. Also during Savior, Minho came right over to their side and I looked behind me to see if my mom and sister would get any fanserivce since he had a clear view of them in the aisle seat they had, and sure enough I saw my mom smiling the biggest I’ve ever seen from her, and waving at him and he looked at her and smiled and waved back. When the fans around saw that interaction between them, they all started waving too, wanting to get a hello from him as well and so he obliged and started waving around the entire section. But the waving was started by my mom and she won’t let anyone forget it lol. “Remember when Minho waved at you and smiled” has been a constant phrase we’ve been saying at random intervals through the day. 

This day meant just as much to her as it did to me. Just seeing them perform was indescribable though. I’ve loved their music and choreo for so long, and witnessing it was a whole different experience. I saw them at SMTOWN, sure, but that was only for a few songs and I was a lot farther from the stage. And even when I think back to that concert, where I saw SNSD and EXO and f(x) and so many other performers, SHINee’s has ALWAYS stood out to me as the most memorable and emotional. SHINee has always been my number one.  Seeing them for nearly 3 hours, I sang so loud and so hard (I kept my screaming to a minimum and focused on singing and doing fanchants so they’d see that we love their music here and despite the language barrier, we know their lyrics and hopefully they’d come back again someday soon). I lost my voice by the end and ended up with a sore throat and a fever the next day, but it was well worth it. I also couldn’t walk for the rest of the week lmao It was like I’d run a marathon after living a sedentary life for years and not doing any kind of training beforehand. My legs did not survive. And neither did my heart. I couldn’t listen to or watch anything SHINee related this whole week honestly. Even seeing pictures and fancams of the event (speaking of which, my sister got a fucking glorious fancam of Onew) hurt my heart and so I avoided everything like the plague. It ended too quickly. The whole experience ruined me though. I crave them so much more now. I want to save up to go to Korea to see them since I know they probably won’t do another US tour. I am going to live out the rest of my life just following their careers and loving them unconditionally as I do now, maybe even more so if that’s even possible. If I had the means and the money I’d probably drop everything and become a fansite owner who travels everywhere and sees them and even befriends them. 

Their music represents so much for me. It represents the bond I have with my mother most especially. Experiencing all of this with her made it so much more emotional. We’ve bonded over SHINee since the beginning. As soon as I discovered them nearly 8 years ago, I showed them to mom. She was the first person I showed a kpop video too and of course it was SHINee We watched Hello Baby and their other shows together, and she learned about them with me and grew to love them as much as I have. Her and I listened to their music more than anything and their songs, their passion, their existence gave her and I a sense of happiness and motivation in a difficult time in our lives. We all just…clung to SHINee’s music. Their music is just so fucking GOOD. She has her own copies of all their Korean albums in her car and they’re the only thing she listens to. It was my dream, my ultimate dream to go to a SHINee concert with her. I wanted her to see them. I saw them before at SMTOWN in 2012 and it was MAGICAL. My mom didn’t get to attend because we couldn’t afford another ticket but she was in the parking lot waiting to pick us up and decided to get off and wait inside to try and hear some of the concert and she says she heard Sherlock and saw glimpses of SHINee performing through the curtains in the venue and she cried. She cried because she was so happy that my sister and I were there seeing them, and she sang along to the song and felt like she was a part of that experience with us. And now she got to see them with us, and us with her, and it was pure and utter magic. 

Anyways, SHINee is my entire life and I will never be over this experience. But man oh man, loving them this much has only made the whole “post-concert depression” about a million times more painful and unbearable than anything I’ve ever experienced. Something that can only be cured by seeing them again. I NEED to see them again.

[rigelmejo]

My dudes wasabi Japanese is so cool this site is so cool literally my dream site ToT (thank u @yue-muffin for all those free reading links <3 which is what included wasabi Japanese)

I know what I’m doing after I finish reading Japanese in 30 Hours! (I might keep reading Reading Japanese for fun too just cause... I might as well we will See).

So like curse me if, when I say I will, it makes me not lol. I hope I DO actually do this. Because it sounds so much more clicks-with-me right now than my alternate study plan (which was Nukemarine memrise - which I WILL eventually do ToT I plan it ok, and tae Kim’s grammar guide - which I’m happy to replace with any grammar guide I’ll finish fucking reading tbh).

1. Remembered bilingualmanga exists and I am making no commitments to read anything (tho I have 4 mangas open and an urge to read them for the first time in years since I read yotsuba earlier and followed it). But I will say it’s quite cool I could um read and look words up (ditto for just regular iOS word lookup and Japanese scripts... I’d say ditto for Animelon too and I DO recommend it but I’m just not really an anime watcher).

2. Wasabi Japanese has a: a grammar guide. So my ass is gonna try reading it (in my defense it has audio which I find marginally nicer than the other sources I’ve been looking at... like I literally read Japanese in 30 Hours aloud audio helps me... also why I suspect in part Nukemarine’s decks help they make me listen a lot). https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-grammar/wasabis-online-japanese-grammar-reference/

3. Even better (to me) wasabi Japanese has b. A grammar drills lesson course that has you shadow and practice SENTENCE PATTERNS AND GRAMMAR. I was literally considering buying a Japanese shadowing textbook for just this purpose (but that textbook was random phrases whereas this is targeted sentence patterns). Also I learn best by just fucking seeing sentence patterns so I kind of suspect an activity like this would click with my brain better than actual grammar guide reading (tho grammar guide reading gives me a useful overview of what to start noticing). Like I literally own the book Japanese Sentence Patterns just cause it was the only thing that clicked... Bonuses about this lesson course wasabi Japanese has: it’s me Doing stuff, I learn best just Doing tbh (it’s why just brute force reading clicks well with me lol). And better, Doing stuff in a streamlined way so I can not bumble as long lol and I have reference if I’m confused (Also why I like graded readers). Info: https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/how-to-proceed-with-the-instantaneous-composition-method/ The lessons: https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/materials-for-japanese-lessons-intensive-reading/

4. Wasabi Japanese has lessons through stories, listening reading and shadowing. Phenomenal. Both the perfect chance to test if Listening Reading works some more (which I’m currently into), and to actually DO some things I wanna do like read and practice listening (versus Nukemarines memrise courses which are just flashcards, or playing Japanese video games which is... doable but too draining to be enjoyable or efficient yet). I’m excited. How to use: https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/japanese-lessons-how-to-proceed-with-read-aloud-method/ Actual lessons:. https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/fairy-tales-and-short-stories-with-easy-japanese/

5. Assuming you’re better at Japanese than me - wonderfully wasabi Japanese has a course I could use, right after finishing that last one, at a slightly more difficult level, with manga: https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/materials-for-japanese-lessons-intensive-reading/

6. Alternatively, want a different N3 course that’s radio program based? Here it is: https://www.wasabi-jpn.com/japanese-lessons/materials-for-japanese-lessons-read-aloud-method/ so yeah, wasabi Japanese looks like a quite nice alternative to flashcards or a textbook if a babe just wants to learn from stories with audio for a while ToT

7. Also I am again contemplating the benefit of just playing audio in the background more. Will I do it? I don’t know. I’d love to play SpoonFed Chinese audio, Japaneseaudiolessons, and Japanese core 2k audio on in the background. As it’s all comprehensible input I know I’d mostly pickup if I just heard it enough to Review it (whereas rn I just hear each audio file once ever on a walk then never again cause I have little time for focused audio only listening). But I feel bad when I play them in the bg and don’t fully listen ;-;. Ah the dilemma. Truly though they’d help so much if I played them in the background I know it... as of this month as an experiment since reading The Word Brain, I’ve been listening to SOME Chinese audio more. Specifically Guardians audiobook, a random Chinese hp audiobook, Alice in wonderland audiobook, silent reading audiobook. You would not believe how much it’s been noticeably helping. Usually it’s avenuex’s Guardian audiobook and every time I catch a bit of it casually in the bg while working, I’m blown away I understand clearly what I didn’t the time before. In particular I’m probably having the most improvements in this novels comprehension, since I’m Listen Reading Method with it too. But like... the first time I focused listened to it during L R? I caught everything with difficulty during the only-chinese audio but English text step 3. And then listening alone only caught the main story beats/scenes (which was already a major improvement for me). Now when working I can actually catch the paragraphs about Guo Changcheng’s family, his uncle, going to McDonald’s - these are details I very specifically remember being the ones I could NOT catch doing listening only the first time post L R. So after idk 3-6 listening of this chapter, just listening again in the background (since L R takes too much time I’m lazy I only do L R once), I’ve made this much progress. I only saw the full definition of everything ONCE one time during L R step 3 once. But just listening more I catch more and more. And of course, as I catch more the unclear parts become easier and easier to maybe figure out. All I know is I severely underestimated the benefit of repeated listening - at least when (at one point once) you comprehended the material. So considering this... I think now with hindsight, yes listening to condensed audio of a show or just a show, that you’ve seen before with English subs/dual subs/in target language and looked unknown words up, in the background probably could help. If at one point you comprehended it before. (So for me Guardian cdrama is hella on this list lol). With hindsight yeah, repeated audio of an audiobook chapter or audio drama you followed the target language subs for before, or that you could read but not hear alone, would probably help listening skills. Definitely my audio flashcard files where they’re literally Built to be comprehensible since it’s English then target language each line. So... yeah in hindsight more audio, even background audio, can help. Guarantee when I’m not L R with the guardian audiobook I’m barely even listening. And still I find myself catching parts of it.

8. My roommate got too excited about Final Fantasy 14 and informed me it’s free to play now.. which I didn’t know. So of course I foolishly looked up if I could play it in Japanese on a PlayStation and looks like answer is probably yes and I am sorely tempted...

9. It’s gonna be wild for me looking back on may progress at the end of the month because: I did almost nothing I planned, I got demotivated then intensely motivated, I’ve done a ton ToT, I also did a ton of Japanese immersion which?? I’m not even counting?? I don’t track my Japanese immersion yet because like... it’s not my priority right now. I read a ton of manhua the other day and just forgot to log it. I watched some of the woh concert and just did not count it, I read a surprising amount of Japanese this month for someone “not studying it much” yet (aka maybe more than I read last time I studied Japanese??). I did a lot of L R method I didn’t even track, I did a ton of background listening and I’m not tracking just hoping for the best. Did I finish 小王子 this month or last month? Whatever month that was I read like 4 Chinese books. I just remembered I read like 3 Japanese graded readers but didn’t count them cause they felt too simple to count (only 28 pages each). I watched 10 Cure Dolly Japanese grammar vids tho not sure how much help it is long term. Whatever time I did the Japanese video games had to count for something even tho it was draining af. Anyway my point is just... count on me to not do what I planned but be more productive when I do that. All that said: I’m more productive when I set plans even if they aren’t always followed, so I’ll keep making them lol. I think I just needed to hit that turning point of “do anything you want, just continue to do something” instead of “complete this first!” (Although I’m still aiming to complete things - or at least go for progressively challenging things). I dunno... I want to say I want to consider just trying to finish things imperfectly just finish them (to motivate me to finish my Hanzi books, Japanese books, courses I find). But knowing me.. I have no idea what will get me to keep going. Just need to remember it’s ok to do it imperfectly. Just need to remember to place what I will care about and actually do, as priority over what it is I think “must be fully done.”

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 45

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: please take note that this is mostly a filler chapter, just like chapter 46 and 47 will be. I have everything planned for 48, 49 and 50 tho. and then the story will be over :( if you want anything added to the filler chapters, please message me. tbh i would love you so so much lol! so yea, im super stressed about ending this story, i cant even explain. ALSO: time will pass quicker in the last few chapters so check the dates!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : the 2 requests added will be posted at the bottom of this post to avoid spoilers!!!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 45 : His chapter

NIALL

August 16th, 2018

I didn't know exactly what woke me up but I just turned around in bed, wrapping my arm around Liv's body and moving a bit closer before trying to fall back asleep. Unfortunately, my phone started vibrating on my bedside table and I groaned when I realized I forgot to put it on mute before falling asleep. I couldn't remember how long how making love session had lasted and I couldn't even remember when I actually fell asleep.

I grimaced and sighed before turning around and reaching out for my phone, searching for it with my eyes closed. My fingers finally gripped it and I decided to sit up, rubbing my eyes as I tried to read the message I had received. I noticed Louis' face next to the message and I frowned. It's not that Louis never texted me but I was still surprised to see that notification, especially so early in the morning.

'Had fun last night? 😏' was all he had sent me along with a link.

I turned to look at Olivia who was still deeply asleep, laying on her stomach, with the covers just over her butt and I finally got out of bed slowly and gently, making sure I wouldn't wake her up. I walked to the kitchen, letting out a yawn as I passed my hand in my messy hair, and decided to make coffee as I clicked on the link.

I frowned when I recognize my living room and I saw myself get up from the couch, suddenly realizing it was my instagram live from the night before. i frowned more, wondering why Louis would send me the link since I couldn't remember saying or doing anything remotely bad but when Olivia's legs appeared in the screen, I realized my mistake. I had probably not stopped the live properly and my heart jumped in my chest, trying to remember what exactly we had said and done right after.

I heard my girlfriend tell me I was a good person and groaned low again when I heard myself ask her if it turned her on. No one could see us kiss since the laptop was placed on the coffee table and we were standing up but even if I was whispering, the words "I'm gonna miss you so much." could easily be heard before she replied that she was going to miss me more.

"Fucking hell..." I whispered as I blinked a few times, staring at the screen where we could clearly see me leading Liv in the hall as she stepped back, our lips attached to each other's as we made out.

She hit the wall and we both laughed as I let out a 'clumsy ass!' the way I always did before an 'I love you' escaped my lips. I felt my heart jump in my chest knowing so many people had actually witnessed something so personal and I swallowed before sighed and passing my hand in my hair again. We disappeared from the screen as the sound of a door being closed could be heard and I realized the video lasted 4 more minutes where nothing could be heard or seen. It had probably been about an hour since I started the livestream which was why it finally cut and I put my phone away and closed my eyes, wondering what exactly would be the repercussion of this video. I didn't want to go on twitter to read what people were saying but I knew that I would at least have to tell Liv about it.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and my lips curled slightly when I heard my girlfriend yelled from the bedroom.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

"Okay, she already knows." I whispered to myself, taking a sip from my hot drink and leaning against the counter.

It took her only a few seconds but I saw her appear in front of me, her hair even messier than mine and wearing only my shirt. I wanted to be stressed by all this but when I saw her, my lips curled in a fond smile.

"Did Louis send it to you too?" was the first thing that got out of her mouth and I just nodded before turning around and grabbing a mug to pour her some coffee too. "That's it? That's all I get? A nod?"

I took the time to add sugar and cream in her coffee and finally turned around again to hand it to her. She stared at me for a few seconds before her eyes fell on the mug and she sighed, taking it from my hands.

"Is there anything else to say?" I just asked, shrugging a shoulder. "I mean it's on the internet probably forever and honestly, we've been lucky, especially thinking about all the times we actually just fucked on the couch I mean, this video could be so much worse."

She looked away and her eyebrows raised before she grimaced. "Yea, I guess that's some way to see it." she let out before taking a sip. "I just... Gosh I don't know, I feel violated."

"I'm sorry. Honestly, I feel like shit too. It's my mistake and it's a very bad one." I admitted, raising my nose up. "I'm sorry, petal."

Her eyes met mine and she took a step closer, tilting her chin up to keep her gaze locked with mine. I stared at her back as she blinked a few times and her thin lips curled into a fond smile.

"You're forgiven."

I let my eyes roamed on her face, knowing it was a big thing to be so easily forgiven for something like that, especially that we were both aware she would get a lot of hate because of it. I bent down slightly and let my lips brush against hers before closing my eyes and bringing my hands up to her cheeks to deepen the kiss. When we stopped, she kept hers lips pressed against mine and sighed low.

"I'm gonna turn off my notifications on twitter for a while."

I raised my nose up in a grimace and groaned. "Me too." I kissed her lips again. "We can just ignore the comments together. I promise we'll be fine."

"I know." she whispered, her lips brushing against mine. "I trust you."

I felt something stir in my heart at her words, knowing I had lost her trust last year and I had worked hard to get it back. Still, despite my efforts, she didn't have to give it back to me again, but she had, and I couldn't explain how much it meant to me.

"Thank you, pet."

                                                       ---

August 17th, 2018

I woke up around 10am, knowing I should have been up before. I had a concert on the same night and even if it was barely a two hours ride, we had to get there early to rehearse and make sure everything was in place. I was surprised to realize my girlfriend was not in bed anymore as I reached my arm on the mattress, my hand only meeting the cold sheets of the bed.

Quickly, I opened my eyes, blinking a few times, and stretched before getting up and dressing up. I walked to the kitchen only to see Liv and her lips curled when she saw me. I frowned, still surprised that she was already up, and took the mug she was handing me. I liked this habit that we had to prepare coffee if we were the first one to wake up. We had never talked about it but we just did it naturally and it was one of the many small things that made this whole relationship stronger.

"You're up early." I just pointed out before taking a sip.

"Will you miss me?" she asked quickly, ignoring my comment and making me frown.

"You know I will, petal, why are you asking?" I chuckled, taking a step closer and raising my eyebrows.

The truth was, I didn't want to leave without her but at the same time, I didn't want to force her to come with me. I knew following me on tour was not as fun as it may sound and I also knew she was busy. Of course, the fact that she was done with the season of her show gave her more free time, but the Olivia I discovered after being away from her for over a year was more independent than the Olivia I broke the heart to. She had also been right the last time we had a discussion about being away from each other. She had said it would bring us even closer and stronger together, and it had. We had spent a lot of time texting, facetiming and talking on the phone and I couldn't hide that I had missed her like crazy, but when we finally got to see each other again, it was intense. Besides, nothing would ever stop me from seeing her if at some point, it became too hard to be apart.

"How bad are you going to miss me?" she asked, once again ignoring my question.

"Pet, if I could, I'd put you in my bags and bring you with me."

This answer seemed to satisfy her as her lips curled more and she licked them before putting her mug away. I took a sip in mine but quickly, she grabbed it too and put it next to hers before taking my hand and pulling me with her.

"Are you bringing me in bed for a good fuck or something?"

This time, she laughed and the sound of it made me smile. She brought me to the hall and my lips parted when I saw her luggage in the lobby, laying near the door. I turned to her after a few seconds and she raised her eyebrows.

"If you don't want me to come with you, I'll definitely understand." she just said, shaking her head. "But I've had enough to be away from you. I miss you too much. What do you say?"

I felt my heart jump in my chest and let out a low chuckle before bending down slightly and wrapping my arms right under her butt to lift her up. She let out a short scream and a laugh, making my smile grow.

"Fuck yes!"

"Niall! Put me down! You're gonna hurt yourself!"

I did as she asked and as soon as she was back on her feet, I pushed her against the wall and looked down at her with a smile. She looked up and licked her lips before nibbling on her bottom one, her eyes never leaving mine and a smile still spread on her face.

"I didn't want to force you into coming with me, but fuck, I wanted to ask you to follow me again." I whispered, bending down slightly to brush my nose against hers. "Thank you for coming with me. It makes me so happy, darling."

"I was not sure if you still wanted me to come. I don't want to be annoying, or dependent. I just want to be with you."

My happy smile turned into a fond one. I didn't want her to ever believe she bothered or annoyed me. I was not the kid I used to be when I broke up with her, I didn't see things the same way, and I had learned.

"I always want to be with you. Your presence is a gift for me, I want you to always remember that, okay?" I murmured, feeling my lips brush against hers as I talked. "Don't ever try to be someone else. I love you best when you're just yourself."

She chuckled. "Did you just quote your own song?"

I sent her a smirk and shrugged, my body still pressed on hers. "It's my words, I can use them whenever I want. Besides, I wrote it for you, so."

"Okay but, can I really show you my heart? You promise you won't break it again?"

I rubbed my nose gently and slowly against hers again, making her eyelids flutter slightly.

"I swear." I breathed. "You're everything I want."

                                                   ---

September 12th, 2018

When I walked back in the hotel room after the show, my lips curled when I noticed Liv coming out of the bathroom, her body wrapped in a fluffy white towel. She looked surprised for half a second and finally sent me a smile while tilting her head. I took a few steps closer and placed my hands on her hips but she quickly took a step back and shook her head.

"Nooo, nop!" she let out, making me raise her eyebrows. "You're all sweaty and shit. Take a shower first!"

"I thought seeing me all sweaty made you horny." I argued, my lips curling into a smirk.

"Watching you all wet turns me on too." she admitted, pressing her lips together. "Go shower and I promise to stay naked, deal?"

This time, I smirked even more and waggling my eyebrows, making her laugh. "Can I get a glimpse?" I asked, pulling gently on the top of the towel and letting my gaze drop in her cleavage.

"No!" she argued, slapping my hand slightly and chuckling. "Hurry!"

I groaned and rushed to the bathroom, getting quickly undressed and starting the shower. I let out a sigh as I tilted my chin, feeling the warm water fall in my face and wet my hair. The past months had been exhausting, mentally and physically, but I could actually say that I was in the exact place I wanted to be. I didn't feel this hole inside my chest anymore. Somehow, it was filled with something that I desperately needed without really realizing it. It was not only the love we had for each other that mattered, it was also the friendship, the history, the trust, the hope and the need we felt toward the other... all of this filled everything that needed to be filled. She was my home, and I was hers. I had never felt like that for anyone else in my life.

I quickly got out of the shower and dried my body and hair before wrapping the towel around my waist. When I walked back in the room, my lips parted slightly and I stopped dead in my track. She was laying in bed, on her stomach, her headphones on as she seemed to read something (a book or a magazine, perhaps?), still completely naked. I stared for a few seconds at the back of her head before my eyes moved down to her ass. I didn't know if she did that just to turn me on but it definitely worked. I took the towel off and let it fall next to me before grabbing my cock in my hand and stroking it gently.

She started humming a song low and I was so focused on her naked form that it took me half a minute to realize it was one of mine. It made the left corner of my lips raise up and I let my free hand run down to my balls as I got harder.

Being able to have sex with her every time I came back to the hotel room was one of the perks of having her on tour, along with many others, of course. I normally prefer to be alone but when it came to Olivia, everything seemed different. I didn't feel stuck in this relationship, or smothered by it. I still wanted us to be private and couldn't wait until people would stop mentioning that video or us after my livestream but at the same time, It didn't bother me the way it would have before. After all, I was dating her, and for the very first time in my life, I wanted it to last forever. Just that thought seemed crazy to me and my heart skipped a beat.

I took a step closer to her and without thinking, I straddled her quickly and stared down as I pushed my cock inside her. She tensed and I felt her walls press around the tip of my cock, making me groan.

"Don't move, baby." I whispered before realizing she probably couldn't hear me.

I kept looking down as I slowly pushed myself more inside her until I was balls deep and moaned low. She felt amazing, as she always did, and my whole body started throbbing. I leaned closer to her, holding myself with my hands near her shoulders, and moved my hips back before thrusting in her again.

"F-Fuck."

The way she whimpered made me smile and with one hand, I took her headphones off and it fell off the bed, making a soft sound as it hit the carpet. I bent down slightly and brushed my lips on her ear.

"I don't think what you're reading is as interesting as what I'm doing to you, is it, petal?"

I watched her eyes flutter closed and her lips part before laying on top of her and slipping one  of my arms around her. My hand reached for her neck and I pressed my fingers on her throat as I tried to hold myself with the elbow of my other arm, making sure I didn't crush her or hurt her.

"Is it?" I asked again, a little louder this time.

"Mm, nothing is better than what you're doing to me." she admitted in a whisper, making me smile more.

"How much do you like my cock inside your pretty little cunt, pet?"

She moved her ass up to feel me deeper and I breathed through my teeth at the amazing sensation, remaining motionless for a few seconds. She started wiggling a bit and my grip tightened around her neck.

"So.. so much." she whimpered again, gripping the sheets of the bed with both hands.

"You're so fucking impatient." I whispered with a chuckle, letting go of her throat and sitting back on her legs. "Didn't think I'd find you laying on the bed naked like that, just waiting for me. You have no idea how hard that made me."

I stared down at my cock moving slowly in and out of her as I moved and enjoyed the moans coming out of her mouth every single time I was completely inside her.

"Fuck, Niall, please."

I looked up and grabbed her hair, pulling on it a bit as she let out a louder whimper.

"Fuck, you're so wet." I whispered, gripping her hair tighter. "I want to cum inside you, petal."

I watched her move a bit, her body twisting as she slipped one of her arms under her body to reach for her clit. She rubbed the tip of her fingers on my balls, making me groan, and finally started touching herself, making her ass grind up. I started fucking her harder and faster, in motion with her ass moving up and it only took a minute or two until she started shaking beneath me. The sight was amazing and I groaned as I came too, pushing her hard despite myself in the mattress.

"Jesus Christ." I whispered before going limp on top of her.

I heard her chuckle and my lips curled too as I brushed them on her shoulder. She shivered and I smiled even more when goosebumps appeared on her now damp skin.

"I love having sex with you." she admitted, making me laugh lightly.

"Oh darling, I love having sex with you, too."

I trailed kisses on her neck and shoulder and after a while, I moved next to her, laying on my back and staring at the ceiling. We were on the wrong side of the bed and I felt my heels lean against one of the pillows.

"And I love spending time with you. I love being close to you. I love that you followed me here. I love that you're still my best friend after all this time. I love that we get along so well, that we grew up together, that we're even closer than we used to be." I confessed slowly in a soft tone. "I love that you love me. I love that I love you. I love the team we make. I love you, Olivia."

I turned my head her way and she was staring at her. She seemed on the verge on tears but I knew they were happy tears and I sent her a fond smile before moving on my side to see her better. I brought one of my hands to her cheek and pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"The truth is, I can't wait to marry you, to start a family with you, to grow old with you."

Her eyes roamed on my face and she swallowed hard. We both remained silent for a while and she pressed her lips together. It was so endearing that I smiled more and let my fingertips run on her shoulder and down her sides, until her waist.

"You..." she started, stopping herself again for a few seconds before her eyes met mine. "The first time we dated, it was everything that scared you about our couple. That's why you broke up with me, remember?"

I held my head with my hand, my arm on the mattress, and she moved closer, licking her lips and waiting for my answer. Of course I remembered, how could I not?

"I know." I replied, nodding lightly. "I was a fuckin' idiot. I mean, I still am." I shrugged with a chuckle. "But I'm an idiot who will never make that mistake again. I don't want to be with anyone else. And I don't want to be away from you."

"For someone who supposedly suck at expressing his feelings, you're doing quite well." she pointed out with a big smile.

I laughed too and shrugged again. "I've been thinking about what I was going to say for days." I admitted, glancing away before looking back at her. "I almost wrote a song instead."

"You could have," she whispered, reaching for my hand and squeezing my fingers. "I love hearing you sing."

I smiled again and pulled her closer to me to feel her body against mine. I lied down on my back again and she cuddled my side quickly. We stayed quiet for a while and every time she'd tilt her chin up to kiss mine, it would make me smile. It made me realize I had everything I needed, everything I wanted... I had everything I didn't even know I needed, and didn't even know I wanted.

"Do you still want to elope?" I asked randomly after a while.

"It's still a dream of mine, yea." she replied in a gentle tone. "But I know you'd prefer a normal wedding with our families and friends. I'm okay with that."

"I'm sure we can make a compromise."

She moved her head up to look in my eyes and frowned a bit. "This is... hypothetical, right?"

I let my eyes roam again on her face and something stirred inside me. I had no idea it was possible to love someone so bad. I didn't know it was possible to love someone so much you that you'd be ready to change your life plans for them. But here I was, staring at the only woman I ever fell in love with, knowing that I'd do anything for her, and that I would never stop loving her.

"Of course, we're just talking." I lied, my lips curling more. "So we'd elope and get married in Vegas, and then make a big party with our friends and family. And then what?"

"Honeymoon? If we're not too busy..."

"We'll make time." I replied firmly. "Bali or Bora Bora?"

She laughed and turned to lay on her back, my arm still behind her neck, and she finally shook her head. "I don't care where we go, Niall. As long as I'm with you."

the requests

[mymindwide]

My Red Desert

Pairing: Ashton x Female reader

Word count: 1835

Warning: None, just cuteness and feelings :)

Author’s Note: I fell in love with Red Desert when they performed it back in January for the first time and couldn’t get it out of my head, so this little piece was born and now I felt confident enough with it to post. Hope you’ll enjoy it.

******

By the time you woke up Ashton had left the house. They have a charity-ish gig this evening, so they set up a meeting with the other guys to finalize some details. You did some necessary house work – starting with the dishes and finishing your chores with ironing a black shirt he prepared on a chair, probably with the thought of wanting to wear it tonight. You hung it on a clothes hanger and right after that you headed for the kitchen to eat a few bites before leaving for your yoga class. You left him a “off to yoga my ass off. love u.” note on the kitchen counter and closed the door behind yourself.

A refreshing one and a half hour exercise later, that did magic again, you felt happier and more energetic than when you arrived to the class. You wished Ash could have come with you, because at those very rare occasions you usually grabbed some coffee on the way home, just enjoying the sun and each other’s company. You always miss the silliest little things.

“Well, just because he’s not here, it doesn’t mean any of us should skip this tradition, does it?” you thought to yourself.

You made a quick detour to your favorite café shop and picked up 2 cups of your favorite beverages.

Ten minutes later you were standing in your doorway and entering the house a tune unfamiliar to you struck your ear. It even made you stop right at the spot you were standing. It was a very nice and harmonic guitar sound you have never heard before between the walls of this house.

Ash’s probably practicing, or you hope he is, and not a burglar tests his guitar collection right now while your boyfriend is sitting in a corner bound and silenced. You put your cups on the table and as quietly as you could you went to his practice room and leaning against the doorframe you admired him a little bit.

You got tired of just standing in the doorway, so sneaking in in complete silence you sat on the other side of the couch, not wanting to violate his personal space, especially not when he’s practicing, but this melody was so addictive to you, you had to see and hear him from as close as you could. After playing for a few minutes now and trying out different sounds and parts, he finally looked up at you.

 “Hey Miss Watcher…”

“Hey Santana…”

 He couldn’t resist a smile.

 “How was the class?”

“Good, good, but I need to ask something; does this thing have lyrics too?”

“Yep?”

“Can I hear it?”

“Absolutely… not.”

“Ah” you pulled a pouty face. “I’d like you to sing for me.”

“It was supposed to be a surprise tonight.”

“You can surprise me now.”

“No.”

“Please?!”

“Nope.”

“Pretty please?”

“That pretty before the please always helps a lot. You convinced me.”

“Really?”

“No.”

“Then just please, again?”

“If I won’t hear silence in a moment, I’ll escort you out.”

“Lips are sealed” you sighed mimicking zipping your lips and pulling your knees up to your chest, you hugged them with both of your arms, and with your side leaning against the backrest you were ready to continue the mini concert.

“Good.”

 You put out your tongue at him and in answer to that he threw you a kiss that made you roll your eyes. He always wins, always. But eventually he continued playing on the guitar. The same chords for three or four times, one after the other, but you didn’t mind it, you could have listened to this song on a loop for 2 hours straight, not even knowing the lyrics, that’s how pleasing it’s been to your ears.

After a few minutes he stopped and put down the guitar on the floor and for moments you two were just looking at each other in silence.

 “Now you don’t say anything?”

“Hm hm” you shrugged pointing at your zipped lips.

“Come here, funny girl.”

 Seizing the opportunity you crawled those few feet distance separating you and straddled him.

His eyes met yours and you saw him leaning closer and closer. You knew what was coming but you decided you’ll be resisting as long as you can. Which wasn’t too long to be honest, but damn. Arms wrapped around your waist, mouth covering yours. His tactic was rewarding - besieging your lips with the softest of kisses, until you’re giving in and you did. Your hands slipped up to bracket his face; your lips parted just enough to welcome his lips and kiss him back.

 “Looks like I’ve won again.”

“Yeah, yeah, tell me something new” you rolled your eyes.

“You’re never gonna make it” he smirked.

“Again, no news” you huffed. “By the way… Have you not changed your mind?” you smiled at him, your thumbs caressing both his cheeks. But not receiving any answer you decided you’ll stop bothering him because you don’t want to annoy him to death. “Okay, I’ll leave you alone” and planting a kiss on his cheek you’d have started getting up from his lap.

“Stay” his fingers gently clenched on your wrist holding your hand on his chest and you in front of him.

 His hand let go of yours and found its rest on your waist again. His facial expression has changed into something more serious, his smile faded away which for a brief moment made you worried and confused, but then his mouth moved and the first notes left his throat.

 Red, red desert, heal our blues, I’d dive deeper for you What a blessing to feel your love, Twilight moments with you

 His voice so low, deep and meaningful. For the quiet and soft sound your nerves calmed down in a second, making you close your eyes, so his voice can vibrate through your ears more intensively.

“Also, if the lyrics start this deep, and it’ll keep being this deep, I’m fucked, so fucked” you thought.

 I've been asleep so long, I'm so far away Visions I see are strong, I hear what they say Won’t you leave all your fears at the edge of the world I'll tell you again like I've told you before, I've been asleep so long, wasting away

 This last line was the point your chest gave up on sitting on your feelings and pushed them through your heart just to reach your eyes where they could find a free way for themselves in the form of tears. You don’t even remember what you were doing before Ashton. Before he came into your life you’ve been just existing but not living. You’ve been wasting away… And the thought just made you feel sorry for your old self and made you feel gratitude for your current life with him in it.

 Tell me would you pack up all your bags staying true to North, you’re the only one I’d do this for…

 Tho not in a geographical way but in a certain sense this is exactly what you did for him. Leaving an old life behind you. Which one of them wrote these lyrics? And your tears just keep falling and falling in silence. You don’t even care, but he does, and you feel his palm on your face, his thumb wiping away the tears streaming down your cheek. And his action earned a barely noticeable smile from you.

 It doesn't take too long to heal and replace

Demons we’re running from they’re begging to stay…

 Demons both him and you had fought with and know too well. But here you are, together and strong, undefeated. When you’re with the right person it can give you such a confidence, the feeling of not having to be afraid anymore. Your nails crumpled into his shirt as you grabbed the material, unintentionally, just like your tears – feeling-operated. Not breaking the singing he tilted his forehead to yours reassuring you in a way you never expected. That’s how much his physical presence and closeness can affect you.

 The refrain came on again, fading into the repeat of the word red. And then again your favorite refrain in the whole world…

 Red, red desert, heal our blues, I’d dive deeper for you (Dive in deeper for you, dive in deeper for you) What a blessing to feel your love, Twilight moments with you (All these moments with you, all these moments with you)

 For instance moments like this… Just the two of you, in such an intimate state. When you’re vulnerable because pouring your heart out to someone makes you that. But you trust each other enough. You love each other enough. You’ll cherish this forever.

 Pack up all your bags, Staying true to North You're the only one I'd do this for Red, red desert, heal our blues I’d dive deeper for you

 Suspecting the end of the song by the fading of his voice you opened your eyes. You wanted to get lost in his words while seeing the look in his eyes and indeed you got all the answers you needed.

A pleasant silence settled upon you and you didn’t have to tell anything to know what your relationship just went through the past almost 4 minutes. You rested your forehead against his again, and you just breathed the silence, the experience and each other in. It was his head that moved first slowly brushing your nose together until your lips met.

You kissed like you were doing it for the first time; shy and deliberate. It’s been so soulful, so careful as if you’d be afraid to hurt each other. It’s started so tenderly, and become so full of longing you wanted to melt into him; you wanted to become one with him. Yeah, there’s a certain “method” where you can get very close to that state, but right now the timing was against you since he shortly have to prepare and leave for the venue the gig will be held at, and closing this little séance with a quick fucking on the couch is not what any of you wanted, you were quite sure about this, otherwise his hands would be all over you by now. But you knew both him and you can guard this unsaid feeling inside you until you meet again tonight.

 “When you come home, we’re gonna make love, just so you know. On the floor. In your bed. In the shower. Wherever. For hours…”

“I’m down for whatever” he grinned.

“Good, I love my men a little cheap” you bit down on your lip.

“You’re driving me crazy, woman…” he smiled leaning in for another kiss.

“Even better, I love my men crazy and cheap. It looks like you meet all the requirements.”

 He kissed into your neck laughing.

Gosh, how much I love making him laugh…

…and although he hasn’t even left yet… how much I can’t wait for him to come home…

[musicdork]

hello am SO TIRED, painting took so much outta me. i painted my room all by myself and it took about half the day wowie. but it is DONE and now i just need to decorate💪🏼💪🏼 i saw ur post about only sleeping four hours and EXCUSE ME, U BEST BE HAVING MORE SLEEP THAN THAT U NEED IT FOR NUTRIENTS(that makes sense) also where r my manners i just relized i have YET to send in anything about ur mans josuke??? heres a tik tok that i think u will like. i’m a silly billy 100% so—https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJbM9NGV/ i hope u have seen clone high (or at least the memes u kno)

oh i wanna read stone ocean SO BAD, but also i want to try and attempt to be a good noodle and read all the parts beforehand yknow😖 but when stone ocean anime comes out...u best be knowin..i will Look and Simp all the way.. also v nice about the rewatches!!! diu is genuinely such a feel good part, the most out of all the other parts imo. its upbeat, its colorful, its silly, gah. so good. not 2 mention those bombass ops. UNF the songs r so good. i like how ur rewatching part five :) i think vento aureo is my personal comfort part(despite the tragic events AAAAAA) the visuals and the location and the characters..so beautiful. its physically satisfying for my eyeballs to look at u know?

ohhh man not me listening to the kakyoin playlist before i went to bed last night...not me catching feelings and being IN my feelings while listening to the playlist and desperately wanting to cuddle with him as i fall asleep....n most of the songs in the playlist i knew already i felt so cool dude😎

thats awesome abt college!! and VERY NICE WITH UR DOUBLE MAJOR LIKE UHHHMMMM thats so intense??? crazy. what a smart person. u got it in the bag bro. also its my second yr in college rn, and i aspire to be a professional musician :) but the motivation IS lacking, i dont blame u. esp with covid restrictions making everyone work online and cut off different real life interactions, its fucked and screwing everyone up. no cap. but ANTWAY how was ur day?? i hope it was nice ??!?!! :) did u do anything interesting? even if it was watching tv rolled up in a blanket? (im doing that rn)

(guess who saw ur kakyoin reblogs?? and LOVED THEM??? thank u for the food..,.i am a bad noodle i need to find some fire josuke to reblog. just for u)

-from the tiredest secretive mostnt strnskslymyn andjfoeorngswo ANSON 😗😗😗���🏼 🥰

i got sleep dont u worry!! but hell yea, you got the big job out of the way >:D painting a room sounds tiring i,,, you poor soul hhh

I SAW THE TIKTOK

AND MY BROTHER GAVE ME A WEIRD LOOK LIKE “wtf u laughin at” he wanted to see, and he did, but he didn’t get it slkfemsnekj i didn’t get it too much either?? i’ve only seen,,, 3 or 4 episodes of clone high but i know who that Bastard is and i laughed my ass off. i’m also listening to a playlist i made for josuke atm uwu i am really glad you liked the kak playlist!! you are a Legend for knowing most of the songs. i only know some bc of the memes :’)

it’s very valid that you’re trying to read jojo chronologically. i’m just,, impatient LMAO. i plan on actually reading all of it but it’ll probably end up like how i read haikyuu,,, i’ll be fixated for a week or so, put it down for like 3 months, then remember that i wanna read it, read One (1) chapter, then put it down for another 2 months, then bLAZE THROUGH IT LMAO. reading digital manga has been kinda odd for me,, i tend to procrastinate a lot,, but yes!! part 5 has some amazing visuals and i am jealous like?? i wanna go to itally??? i’ve kinda always wanted to go i shove down my hetalia phase and i even tried to learn italian!! but,, didn’t last,, haha,, i still appreciate the culture and all that tho <3

sm...smart? homie i am failing two classes im, im no way smart i just like torturing myself i think. i can be over ambitious too sefklslek bUT YO?? YOU WANNA BE A MUSCIAN?? :0 THAT’S HELLA POG TF!!! you better invite me to your concerts in the future or i am suing you Somehow. wait do you play an instrument or do you sing?? :0 either way, you my friend are So Cool what the hell. i get to be moots with u?? im gonna cry-- i’m kinda glad covid happened only for the reason that it gave me extra scholarship money, very pog. other than that it needs to go away lmao.

but skdelk my day was Okay at most. i was sleeping for a good bit of it,, it kinda fucked up my plans for today honestly. i’ll try to get my day together eventually,, i hope your day was good dude!! am glad i can keep u well fed hehe

[after-lauhgter]

Hey dude, I really like your music taste so do all the music questions that you didn't already answer 🌚

OK DUDE HERE THEY COME (except 1,6 & 14) ... ok lets do number 1 again  What's a song you've been listening to a lot lately? as the world caves in by Matt Maltese, if I get high by nothing but thieves, and literally anything off waterparks’ new live album, that thing makes me feel so ALIVE bc like LIVE MUSIC  Is there an album you recently discovered and are obsessed with it now? well waterparks live in the uk obviously but if the last 6 months count as recently, then the new abnormal by the strokes. its... absolutely breathtaking. I don't have words. 0 words. except these dudes know what the fuck they’re doing. and then I found the devil and god are raging inside me by brand new and jeeesus. literally Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ was my most played song in 2020 AS IT SHOULD BE bc its EVERYTHING this album is THE SHIT. every song is just *chef kiss* like there's limousine (omg limousine) and you won't know and not the sun and AHH listen to these albums omg  Put your playlist on shuffle and show the first 10 songs. No cheating. i assume “your playlist” means all my saved songs so Topography by Civilian (pls go listen its SO great) Na Na Na by mcr yees issa classic  Du schreibst Geschichte by Madsen omg geeerman  just saying by EDEN (pretty pretty pretty) Westerland von den Ärzten another classic  letdown by nothing,nowhere. sad but the good kind of sad  The Man by the killers making fun of toxic masculinity gives me LIFE  Graffiti by CHVRCHES YES  and death stranding by CHVRCHES too YES SO GOOD simmer by Hayley Williams, a queen  How do you tend to discover new music? If you do at all of course I do enjoy what Spotify suggests, like my weekly mix brought a lot of bops in the past, although sometimes it just sucks lets be real. I also like the artist- or album-radio, when I wanna find something similar to an album but not the album.  and another thing I lovvve is when artists I like recommend music, for example, have you seen dallon weekes instagram stories? THE TASTE? bc yes, someone who writes music like that MUST have a superior taste in music and he fucking does. 

What app do you mostly use to listen to music? Spotify :) Is there an artist that you feel ashamed of listening too? I can't think of anyone so probably not  What is your favorite album cover art? omg. I have to go with more than one. so there's where the mind wants to go/where you let it go by I the mighty, one of my favorite albums of all time, and I'm going to say it how it is, I LIKE THE COLORS. the blue-ish imagine with the red omg. look at it pls.  Also fandom by waterparks looks SO COOL. again the COLORS  and I love the art for Isola by Kent.  I recently discovered you wouldn't believe what privilege costs by civilian and I think that cover is pretty cool too.  well and then there's petals for armor by Hayley Williams, the cover art is so fucking powerful Jesus I get goosebumps just thinking about it. in case you don't know about it, long story short: there's been a lot of shit going on in Hayleys life in the past. relatable imo. then they made after laughter and its been like u know what fuck it we’ll just laugh and dance through the pain. together. and I LOVED the vibe omg it gave me so much. but for Hayley it kinda postponed REALLY dealing with shit. she came home from touring with AL and she also got divorced during the AL era and everything's shit and out of all that came petals for armor. and in it she reclaims femininity, being alone, being powerful, being a women, everything. and ah yeah we were talking about the cover art, the cover is her, having a line of squares on her face, three of these squares are tattooed on her fingers though bc its where her ex husbands initials used to be that she got covered up. WHAT A MOVE. THE POWER.  (if anyone is interested in hearing Hayley talking about/explaining all this, I really recommend watching her interview with zane Lowe. its SO GOOD basically free therapy) How much did your parents influence your music taste? a. lot. my dad listened to a lot of “dad rock” you may call it, I guess a lot of dads listened to stuff similar to this. Deep Purple, the police, simple minds, Green Day, Billy Talent, the scorpions and things like that. what influenced me the most tho was the beatsteaks (german band, very good), die Ärzte (german band, very good) and LAST BUT NOT LEAST the fricking blues brothers. my favorite movie (not the 2000 remake, go watch that in hell where it belongs), a great, charismatic band, unbelievable live performances. very big WOW from me.  Do you own any vinyl? don't get me started omg. I DO. I wish I could take a photo but my records are at my parents house so ill just name my favorites.  -after laughter and brand new eyes by paramore -violent things by the brobecks and their song boring on 7inch (this is very rare ok) -razzzzmatazzz by idkhow in gold :) -may death never stop you by mcr (my first one, I bought it first and then bought a record player for it, that's how it started lol) -omg the black parade is dead by mcr, this was never available on vinyl until record store day 2019 (?) and I hunted that bitch like idek what it was insane but I found a super cute small record store and the owner didn't have copies of it bc NOBODY DID but he fucking CALLED THE LABEL even though it was way too late and he asked if they'd send him a copy and THEY DID I FUCKING OWE THIS MAN  -and omg Isola by Kent (in Swedish tho bc the English version was never pressed on vinyl) this was intense. I searched for like 2 weeks and then, on google results page 8 or something, I found what could've been the only copy on the damn internet and it was very expensive but its MINE NOW -my signed vertigo vinyl by EDEN, its clear and on side D it doesn't have music but a little message engraved it the vinyl IT IS CUTe -Placebos MTV unplugged! I am so I love with this album. SO. in love. and one day, when I was in Berlin to see palaye royale, back when we had concerts, I walked by a random record store and they have like 4 records left bc they were closing or idk and the only one displayed in the window was this one. tell me about FATE  Do you own any cds? not many. sometimes when im at the store and I see ones I know or like, I just buy them and put them in me moms car bc I want her to listen to them. or when I find a cd by a smaller artist I enjoy, I buy it just to push the nachfrage. HI i am HERE and I WANT this music  Is vinyl really better than listening on a digital device? im not gonna be that middle aged white male audiophile that hates on our generation for using Spotify. bc its great. I think its just different. I mean im sorry I don't carry my record player on the bus with me, pls forgive me for using my phone? having immediate access to most of the music that is out there? wow. what a concept. I love the internet. YES TECHNOLOGY. but. vinyls are... different. I feel likes its a different kind of listening. I feel like youre rly LISTENING. and that way isn't better, or right, and im not saying it works like this for everyone. but when I put a record on, my only activity at that moment is listening to music, I sit down and I listen. to the entire album. so skips and no pauses, bc that's how it works. and I think that sometimes, that can do a lot for you. if you let it.  and besides that, physically owning a record makes me happy on a level nothing else really does. fuck I love music so much and when I fall in love with it, I fall hard. and then owning a copy of it, something I can touch, something that is MINE, putting it in my little shelf, looking at it every few days and just being in love? fantastic feeling.  What is a genre of music that you tend to go to for comfort? sad shit. I feel like I can get great comfort from the sad shit. or maybe just slow shit. and songs that mean a lot to me and have been around me for some time, they have this other level of comfort. like for Emma, forever ago by bon iver for example. I have a playlist, maybe I'll reblog this again and link it ;) Do you tend to like poppy upbeat songs, or more intricate and interesting songs? both. sometimes I wanna have complicated stuff and analyze the shit out of lyrics and instrumentation, sometimes I just wanna v i b e If you have a favorite band or artist, tell us about how you got into them I liked paramore before but when they posted the video of them performing last hope at reading? it was over. when Hayley sang the bridge it was over. now im a die hard fan and I never looked back Is there a song that came out this year that you like? maybe after reading all this shit you expected a list but somehow I can't. where do u even start. but the answer is definitely yes.  THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS 

[joecial-distancing]

2019 in review in review:

A few years ago I started tracking yearly goals, books read, movies watched etc in a year, along with overview blurbs, in private posts. End of 2019/beginning of 2020 I was really frazzled/burned out about a lot of stuff and just never finished up making the thing. 8 months later, got the urge to read back what I’d got done, then figured I’d maybe go ahead and see about finishing. 

Media tracking below the break. thoughts/blurbs written in 2020 italicized, 2019 not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_____________________________~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Didn’t do so hot on explicit personal goals, but had a lot of stuff go ok around them this year.

School’s been fine/better than fine.

Job’s probably the biggest failing. Still with same job, haven’t made the firm moves to jump off, dragging my feet too much on exploring stuff w/ Columbia/NASA GISS.

Did not get better with covid, lol

Dating life still non-existent, but I’ve registered on apps, gotten more comfortable with selfies, improved general social life dramatically, been flirted with, updated my wardrobe, and generally started to get comfortable accepting that I’m a hot person.

Somehow got extremely better during covid.

Books

Grant (finished)

We stan a taurus legend

Guy was good at exactly one job, and was fortunate enough to have been in the right place/right time to get to do it.

Mort (discworld)

Definitely best discworld I’ve gotten to so far.

Don Quixote p. II

Really entertaining in a way that part 1 wasn’t; I was shocked how much the meta element landed for me.

Consider the Lobster (DFW collection)

had zero context on who DFW is/was when I read, and still don’t exactly tbh. Wanted to wait for a pause in The Discourse before diving into more of him, but dunno if I’m ever going to get that.

Crime and Punishment (revisited)

Weirdly didn’t get much more out of this than I did the first time I’d read it

Better Than Sex (HST Gonzo papers)

Xerox/widespread fax accessibility opening citizen access to mass media in a manner really reminiscent of what social media would go on to do at a much larger scale. Has a much more deliberate narrative arc than the other gonzo papers collections, also has that excellent HST richard nixon eulogy

The Brothers Karamazov

SPQR

Slouching Towards Bethlehem (Didion collection)

Pet Sematary

Not my favorite King, but not bad

Sourcery (discworld)

still funny/charming, but Mort really made clear/reminded me how much the hapless sadsack Rincewind mold of protagonist wears on me after a while.

The Devil's Teeth

My Year of Rest and Relaxation

Liked it a lot more once I realized it was doing a Fear and Loathing thing.

Homage to Catalonia

This should be the Orwell that gets taught in schools. Make it a followup to All Quiet on the Western Front or something, jeez.

Lyndon Johnson I

Having now finished all of them, this one’s probably the least-interesting but sets up a bunch of important context that the others still then feel the need to retread.

The Razor's Edge

Recommended to me as a “white guy discovers eastern mysticism” book, but also is more interesting in its treatment of that than I’d expected (helps it was written in the 40s). 

Cat's Cradle

There’s a part in this where Vonnegut’s making fun of people who try to bond with strangers over being Hoosiers, and my dumbass immediate thought was “ooh, Vonnegut’s a hoosier? Me too!”

Lyndon Johnson II

Robert Caro felt compelled to apologize for spending so much words lionizing Coke Stevens, segregationist opponent to Johnson’s senate run. His goal was pretty clearly to show lbj’s lack of campaign charisma by contrast, definitely definitely overcommitted in his own narrativising.

Libra

I want to go back to this after reading some more De Lillo.

Gravity's Rainbow

This book absolutely kicked my ass

Overstuffed and referential in a specific way that really keeps me hooked in instead of put off. When I learn about some piece of cultural context that I retroactively recognize as being referenced in this, I want to go back and reread the entire thing.

From Caligari to Hitler

Kind of fails both as film criticism and cultural analysis, but absolutely made me want to run for the hills when considering current relationship between mainstream movies and demands of pop culture.

I took a class on Weimar cinema in undergrad that I now realize was probably biting pretty heavily from this and never once referenced it.

Movies

Venom

Movie itself is not as fun as the Tom Hardy hype coverage. PG13 was the absolute worst space to aim for, PG- or R- versions of this could have been a blast.

Harryhauser Argonauts

Was tripping when I put this on, and it was all kinds of fun.

2001: a Space Oddyssey

First time seeing this, all-time classic for a reason!

A Good American (the NSA doc)

Dr. Strangelove

Mel Brooks History of the World p. I

Not my favorite Brooks, best joke was at the beginning.

In Bruges

Had been a while since I saw a proper dark comedy.

Spiderverse

Fukkin awesome!

Visually great, and extremely better than usual superhero stuff for being aimed at PG instead of PG-13.

You Only Live Twice

Highlander (Revisited)

I watched The Old Guard on netflix recently and it mostly just made me wish I was watching Highlander instead, because at least Highlander knows exactly how goofy it is

Moonraker

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Much like The Shining, I though this would have been 100% spoiled for me by cultural osmosis, but turns out it wasn’t, and even the scenes I had seen *totally landed* in-context still.

Kung Fu Hustle

Ichi the Killer

Really gross, really fun

Matrix Reloaded (watched thru highway scene) (Revisited)

The highway scene was not nearly as cool as I remembered it being.

John Wick 3*

Probably dumbest plot of all of them, best choreography. I like how every single fight had its own distinct flavor. “Knife museum fight” “horse fight” “halle berry dogs fight” 

Akira

A classic

Pet Sematary * (ugh, bad)

Why can’t john lithgow be in good movies anymore

The Revenant

MCU Spiderman

Fuck this was awful.

MCU Spiderman 2*

Really weird, complete Rorschach Test of a movie: it’d be totally valid to read into this that global warming is Fake News, for instance.

Lmao this was completely awful

Rites

Dredd (non-stallone)

oh hey Lena Headey’s in this

For All Mankind!

Watched in honor of moon landing anniversary

Lion King *

Watched it way too stoned, was like dark side of the moon + wizard of oz except instead it’s a lion king script reading + nature footage edited for lip syncing.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood *

Many scenes of very long setups for really stupid shaggy dog jokes, which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t. I do kinda want to rewatch now knowing more about manson, which I knew pretty much nothing about beforehand

Blowout

A good john lithgow movie

also I think I like travolta in things.

Lord of War

A Good cage movie

I like when Eamon Walker shows up in stuff.

Taxi Driver

A classic

Snowpiercer

Watched in a bar with only one speaker working, which is the correct way to watch. Weirder and funnier than I thought it was going to be, which still doesn’t make it good, but,

dbz big green dub

Exorcist III

Brad Dourif just tearing it apart

Deep Red (argento)

Suspiria (1977)

Watched the remake in 2020, which was ok, but nothing tops the Goblin score.

Elf Bowling

Thanks, Gnome

Parasite *

Interesting to me that this one seems poised to hang around people’s good esteem for a while

TV

FMA: B

Rick & Morty

Saw some episodes, generally pretty funny, some misanthropy that’s probably appealing to a certain type of teen al a something like House, but ultimately I don’t totally Get the intensity of discourse about it.

Leterkenny

Mob Psycho 100

One Punch Man

Deadwood

Watchmen

Only watched like half of it. Was playing around with a lot of hefty imagery/thematics, but didn’t really seem ready to rise above playing (tho also I feel like it’s weird on some level to *expect* them to rise above that in the first place)

Music

New Avantasia

HEALTH/ show

lol remember concerts

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard/ show

Just learned about King Gizz in 2019 and got completely obsessed with them. I don’t tend to expand my music selection very readily, and a lot of what I currently *do* know is old/inactive stuff, so it was/is incredibly exciting to have an active group with good momentum just immediately win me over like that.

Mistimed the edibles and ended up with a really good finale and a really long subway ride home.

New Yeasayer

Sad they split up

Steve Wilson Tull remixes

Aqualung’s a good album and the sound mixing’s kinda bad, so I liked this project.

Stonefield

Opened for Gizzard. Really good as studying music

Video Games

Civ VI: Gathering Storm

Hades

Turns out Supergiant’s design proclivities all work *extremely well* on a roguelike

Baba is You

Untitled Goose Game

Cute, if maybe a bit overhyped

finally fucking finished Pillars of Eternity

Had fun with it, but too long, and really dour for how long it is.

Pillars II

Kinda drifted off it eventually, but I do genuinely like that the flavor of the fantasy is colonial era rather than medieval.

There’s a Balancing Bastard Factions element where it’s like the writers are just being smartasses after a while. Having to go extremely out of their way to make siding with colonizers seem like a competitive option.

Pokemon shield

Cuphead

pisses me off, which was a nice outlet when I was stranded by flight cancellations during thanksgiving

Celeste

Also very difficult, but really easy to stay patient with, which is nice.

Disco Elysium

None of the discourse made me want to play this, but people talking about the mechanical stuff it did got me extremely interested. Mostly Delivered IMO.

Breath of the Wild

You can approach the nodes of the main quest in the order you choose, and the second one I chose made ninjas start fucking spawning everywhere when I’m just trying to explore, and there’s no way to make it stop. May go back to it one day.

Podcasts

Relentless Picnic Patreon feed

The treats really helped me start distinguishing individual personalities, compared to the regular eps.

Picnic Discord!

<3

FatT Counterweight

Fun, but also I think Mechs are not my shit.

FatT Spring in Hieron/ end of that particular world

8 months since I’ve last tuned into FatT. ah well.

Law School

He’s in everythiiiing!

You Must Remember This: Manson family

*There’s* the context

Misc.

Kindle train guy

Times Square sleeping guy + kids taking selfies w/ him

toddler singing along after Psycho killer (a, ya, ya ya, ya)

drunk and dragged to a drag show

Central park football family

Soft Steel Drum Subway Busker

Weird old lady going to grand central for oysters

2018 in review (cards):

MySelf (CC)

Self: Tower

Blocked: 10 Cups

Ethereal/subconscious: 8 Swords

Material: 3 Swords

Past: Justice

Future: Page Wands

Attitude: Sun

External: King Swords

Hopes/Fears: 5 Coins

Trajectory: High Priestess

Also Self:

Hierophant

7 Cups

7 Coins

Blind Spot:

(self & others): 5 cups    ||    (others not self): High Priestess

(self not others): Moon   ||    (nobody): 3 Cups

[adulthooliganism]

I may not be as deep into TWRP as you are, but I've listened to a few of their songs and they're pretty cool! Even though it's probably pretty basic of me, I'd say my favourite song by them is "Starlight Brigade"; the cool music video for it definitely helps. What are some of your favourite songs by them?

*vibrates intensely*

starlight brigade fucking RULES and if anyone ever tells you it's a """basic""" answer because it's the like Popular One With NSP they're Wrong and their onion doesn't matter

as for My faves it's. wow

whenever asked this my default answer is "all of them except computer wife which i don't like because sung uses a different voice synth than the one he uses now and i LOVE the smoothness and clarity of the new synth and the one in that song just . doesn't do it for me because i'm so used to the current one"

however it's like. idk !! disco volante is real high up there, though it's an instrumental track. similarly, our 4fathers and the device pt 2 (specifically pt 2) which are Also instrumental tracks. if i was writing my band's best songs i would make sure i sing in them. rip to doc sung but i'm different

GROOVE CRUSADERS HAS THE SEXIEST BASS,

phobos really goes off at the end of the cover of we built this city and i adore him (tho tbf i'm very biased about this song bc it was the last song at the nsp 10 year anniversary concert THAT I WENT TO IN CHICAGO AND WAS LIKE <10 FEET FROM THE STAGE)

life party is like. my entire life motto in song form. the line life is far too short and tough to live it filled with hate? go tf off sung!!!!!

i think body image is a song everyone should listen to at least once a week. y'know that whole "stop saying negative things/making mean jokes about yourself because even if they are jokes your brain internalizes and normalizes them until you genuinely do feel that way about yourself"? i feel like the opposite is true, if you listen to nice things about feeling good with who you are and what you look like you will internalize Those thoughts instead

PHANTOM RACER IS SO SEXY LOVE U PROTOMEN

maximum thrust and pale blue dot have that real . space theme that i just adore. so far we have come // risen from water now upright // curious to know and answer // turn to ponder distant stars at night ?? are u JOKING !!!!!!

-

this post is FAR too long already so i'm forcing myself to stop here aaaaaAAAAAA ty emma for feeding my hyperfixation ily

[unclejuho]

sf9 in london event + concert experience ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

this is my 5k essay on what happened 190512 // enjoy reading!!!

so i got to the venue at 11pm the night before bc i was so stressed by the other concerts (ppl at la started lining up at 6pm??) i really wanted to be near the front since im coming all way from the netherlands anyways i better go big or go home!!!! so like i waited there for an hour amongst other fans who were still waiting from a diff concert and when they left other fantasy arrived so we started queueing up. i rlly have to thank sf9 uk casue they were so nice to me and they kept letting me use their hotel next door to let me go to the bathroom and change ♥️

i ended up getting nr1 (or nr21 ig isbdhs) so!!!! we did it LMAO succesfully got a good spot even though my feet and butt were dead by the time anything even happened,, its so hard to wait for 16+ hours to go to a concert but its sf9 so who cares about health 🤡 we didnt get knifed and a lot of ppl came up to ask who the fuck we were waiting for hdbshsh it was so funny

so i started handing out my juho stuff ofc and ppl seemed to like it!!! so im glad haha eventually even i didnt have any anymore so i was happy ppl liked it!

skip to like 1pm which is when the members arrived at the venue, i was a lil late noticing cus i was waiting for those signed narcissus albums but i ran to the front anyways n saw youngbin chani tae leave the van (like what they posted in the travel preview) so that was!!!!! jdbdbsb they were so unbothered it was so cute so i went to get my albums and came back to line (i got all hwiyoung pcs oshshah) 

also there were so many other fans handing out fanmades it was so sweet the entire atmosphere was fantastic bc everyone was nice to eachother, rlly everyone i talked to was super sweet!!! also so many fansites with slogans or fans so i went broke once more but it was all worth it theyre so pretty...

at like 4.30 was the special event which lmao i rlly was so tired and i got sooo nervous i had my already signed fanfare from mwave bc if ure gonna sign any album it should be fanfare (looking at ALL the ppl that gave them narcissus) sooo us 20 were led upstairs to some sort of bar area and they had a long table w water bottles so we had to wait a lil while the staff checked our signed items if they were ok and then we had to form a line to wait (they were late) i met another dutchie so that was nice hdhshsh

finally the members walk out and im shaking bc baek ju is the first to enter the room!!! he was wearing that leopard sweater and i didnt even hate his mullet seeing it upclose...

jae was wearing that stupid unbottoned shirt skbssbsb and he came in giving ALL the fanservice like him and inseong were here for the entire thing osbdbsb the other members just sat down and sociaized with eachother like yb kept being adorable and pulling faces at the table it was everything and i couldnt see rowoon bc ppl were standing in front of him but i was!!!! shaking already bc whos idea was it to start off this event with fucking rowoon lmao is like immediate heart attack! ju was last which was oof...

so i had like ideas of what i wanted to talk abt w each members but lmao??? i didnt talk abt any of it to any member my mind was so shook...

first up was rowoon and he just hdhshsh???? the eye contact of this man and just seeing him upclose was so intense tf he rlly was.. so gorgeous n bc of his hair up his eyes looked even bigger n shimmered and the pics rlly dont do him justice... so the first thing i said was wow so handsome bc why not.. i was gagged indeed hdbdbsb he said like woooow our debut album and you already have it signed oabdbs i didnt explain the entire mwave thing bc wud he understand haha but he opened n he saw the pic of himself hes like what do u like better me now or me here??? me being myself im like fanfare bc ur hair down is so cute oahdhshs i rlly not a narcissus hag anyways but fanfare was best rowoon as always... so rowoon did his sign and i asked him to do sky castle impersonation he didnt understand so i just repeated sky castle he was like ah the voice thing im like yes cha minhyuk isbdbsh so he did the fucking thing and i was dying lmao great to have seen it in the flesh ofc...

after rowoon was taeyang and taeyang!!!! was so hyper and attentive like hdnsb whenever u see him in vids hes usually very casual but he was soooo sweet and he too was like ahhh fanfare he took a while to say but he said his heart was still in there hdhdhsh so i was 🤧🤧 i just asked tae if he was doing okay or if he wasnt feeling tired and he said he was doing great bc i was there im like dying hdhshsh so i said yah me too!!!! 

jae was after taeyang n jae was jdhshshs soooo into it i know korean fans say ppl change biases to jae after meeting him and i have to say i can see why!!! i didnt rlly know what to say to jae beforehand but he said oooo i really love london and im like haha i dont like it here im like im from the netherlands so he was shocked he said thank you for coming to travel here and he held my hand isbdbsbsb

next was inseong and... the eye contact level was sooo severe he rlly threw all into it hes like hi thank you for coming so much so i was wearing this shirt w a 🥩 on it and im like inseong do u like my shirt bc i know u love meat iahdhahsh so he was laughing n said yea wow this is my favorite shirt oshdhshs rlly had me going LOL he asked if it was my first time seeing them im like yea but im going to korea in the summer tho oshdhshs he said that was great n asked how long i was staying for,,, so im like im going a month so he asked why i was going so long im like im going for u!!! hdbshsb he gave me some hearts and i moved on ndhsbsab

so chani was next up and he looked so shy,,,, im sad bc i forgot to say everything i wanted to say to him at the beginning and i was just like chaniiiiiii and he laughed and signed my album before i went i quickly pushed in a URE MY FAVE DANCER n he highfived me hdhsbs

so youngbin was next and i... lmao... i was weak haha he just read my name hes like hiiiii gia im here being depressed saying HI YOUNGBIN I LOVE U SM thank u sm for everything u do for us and i shit u not my eyes like tearing up oshdbsbs yb asking me how im feeling im like YEA GREAT tears in my eyes oabdbs i rly couldnt speak otherwise id actually have them roll down my face so i just nodded and moved on iabsbs

hwiyoung im so sorry... i was still emo from yb and i even forgot to say happy birthday like pls hit me... hwi cheered for the fanfare album and im like yess hwi i love ur hair here i love the blonde;; hwi thanked me for coming 

next up was dawon and jdbsbs i came in saying hi fantasy president so he said yeeee fantasyyyyy and hes an unbothered legend oabbdhssbn he signed quickly and within a minute i was away again jdhdhs

so juho.. my god oshdhshwh hes so:((( pretty let me breathe liek... i came there im like juho i love u oahdhshsh hes just nodding his way going to sign my album and he drawing that heart stickman so im like i have a question can u draw— hes like this is my signature drawing LUCKILY i drew the jucasso next to my name so im like pointing at it being like lmao boy we dont want this heart flop bdhdhsh so he quickly drew it and i said i hope u feel better soon and i was off again,,, rlly dawon and juhos signing went so quick...

so we moved on to the pictures and they were grabbing the chairs and ju was standing all way back at first but then no members went to sit on the chairs oahdhs so JUHO THE MAN WENT FOR THE SEAT NEXT TO THE MIDDLE HDHSHSH and hwi on the other side and jae behind so im blessed like juho... he rlly did it... hdhshsh i quickly go to grab one of my banners bc im like bitch i gotta fucking rep for it now otherwise i wudnt know a pose anyways oahdhshs so i quickly took off my glasses as well

so its my turn im going up and sitting down and like handing this banner to ju and hes like ???? oh???? he quickly reads it n was impressed hdbsb so there was one pic and tae was sitting next to ju and wanted to read what was on the banner so he turned to us but then we had to take another pic so he had to turn back quickly again oahdhshsh and then i had to go again but as i walked away ju was explaining to the members what was on my banner so i :(((( 

after everyones picture was taken they said goodbye and waved and inseong stayed behind a lil to joke abt drinking beer (i rlly hate him but also me?) and then they left and we got our merch bags n went back downstairs

so i quickly ran over to my bestie to tell her abt it before realizing we had to line up to go inside for the concert so i was like stressed running away i rlly almost lost my first spot LOL but we were let inside the venue i had like 50 bags but i ran to the front and BLESS IT there was like tiny space left at the left side which is were i wanted to be bc juwoon!!!!!! so i rly did get barrier thank god i could put down all my bags as well and the fantasy next to me were great as well!!!!

// i’ll add the concert later as im tired rn and this is already 5k osjbhdbhjas

[ritahasaproblem]

If you want to write about ermal and fabri playing a drinking game like "never have i ever..." and they confess their feelings while playing i would love it! And thank you in advance for trying!!

Ahsjdksk thank YOU for giving me this prompt!!! I’m posting from my phone so lets hope my newfound skill with html doesn’t abandon me lmaoAlso sorry for the delay i’m super slow sigh ;; hope you like it 💖💖

let’s set the scene: it’s the 8th of july, the gig was cancelled due to bad weather, they’re all having a drink after dinner at the hotel’s bar

And Ermal is torn, because on the one hand he hates not performing, he hates disappointing his fans

on the other hand, he gets to spend a lot more time with Fabrizio than he would have had they performed

and he feels guilty as hell, because he had never thought such things before, for anyone

it doesn’t help that Bizio is his usual touchy self and boi, did he miss him

so they’re all laughing, drinks in hand, and Vige is telling Claudio about the last time he had to cover for Ermal not remembering his own songs, when Fabrizio approaches him from the side, “I wish I could’ve been there, at the concert”

“I know you had the kids, don’t worry, and with Libero’s tryouts you really had to be there”

Fabrizio lights up and starts talking about the children

Ermal is: so. Fucking. Smitten. He knows this, it’s not like he doesn’t, but sometimes even he can feel his own face go soft good lord this is embarassing

i promise i’m getting to the point soon

So, to wake himself from the trance he’s gotten himself into, he tries to joke. “Cherish this, soon enough he’ll be out there playing drinking games and you’ll have to drag his hungover ass out of bed on sunday mornings”

Bizio is: confused, and it shows

“Don’t tell me you never played never have i ever” “…” “Okay, neither have i, i just know it from my sister, she was the cool kid in school”

But, you know, it’s never too late to find your inner teenage self and get desperately drunk in front of your crush, so Ermal buys two bottles of red wine (“there’s no way i’m buying whiskey to get us drunk in a silly game, Montanari”), gets everyone except Max and the Sheriff (idk if he was there but let’s pretend he was) to agree to play the game, and they go up to his room

(i mean, “everyone”: it’s just him, Bizio, Claudio, Marco and Vige, most of their respective bands didn’t come to the thing)

It starts with gentle teasing, Marco saying “never have i ever forgot the lyrics of my own songs” (which *is* a dick move but it is also general enough that all three of the singers have to drink)

it gets progressively more personal, as these things are wont to do

First is “worn mismatched socks during a work meeting”, then “puked in the middle of a love confession”

Then Claudio (who was the one the last sentence was referring to) goes “Never have i even kissed another man on the mouth”

“I’ve kissed you at least three times, Clà, you should drink too” “ I meant french kissing”

“oh okay” Bizio says, taking his sip, nonplussed

And that’s how Ermal discovers that Fabrizio has made out with men.

Naturally, he’s taken his sip too, and Bizio looks at him oddly, like he’s rearranging everything he knows inside his brain

listen, i know the common headcanon is “Fabrizio is the first man Ermal has been attracted to” but i cannot stop thinking about rien de va plus that song has no heterosexual explanation and was written kind of loooong before they knew each other so

“Just the once or…?” asks Fabrizio. Ermal is both confused and relieved, because this way he has a good excuse to ask in return. “Well, usually more than once, i’m not that bad of a kisser”

du d e . he says it with self-deprecation but Bizio.exe just stopped working I MEAN WHO WOULD STILL WORK AFTER THAT

“What about you?” “A few times, when i was younger. I just don’t like to label myself, if i fall in love with a woman it’s fine, but if i like a man it’s also fine, capito?”

c a p i t o

[“I also took a sip, why is no one interested in my story?” “do you really want to go there, Vige?”]

After a few minutes of intense staring and one pausa sigaretta, the game goes on (as does the staring tbh but they both try to be subtle about it) (“try” being the key word here)

“never have i ever got so drunk i started waxing poetics about True Love and how magical it must be to meet The One” says Marco, to which Vige replies with “never have i ever had a crush on someone i was working with”, which is clearly a callout to Marco, since he and his girlfriend sort of worked together on her band for a while (y'all really don’t wanna know how i know that, so don’t ask) but OH WELL LOOK WHO’S ALSO DRINKING

Fabrizio, that’s who’s drinking.

Also Ermal, because he’s honest enough not to deny his crush and he’s tipsy enough to be honest, but that’s beside the point

“Was it Bianca?”

“Why the fuck does everyone think i’ve been with Bianca? No, we’ve always been just friends”

“She’s hot, you’re hot, seems natural you’d be all over each other”

Everyone else: is quietly trying to escape without being heard (spoiler: they succeed because the two idiots are too engrossed in each other)

“You’re hot too, yet you don’t seem to be all over me either”

‘SEEM’ BEING THE KEY WORD HERE, BIZIO

Ermal.exe stopped working MR STARK I DON’T FEEL SO GOOD

“You….. Think i’m hot?”

“Who doesn’t?” Fabrizio chuckles nervously. “And what about you? I saw you drink. Any of our colleagues that caught your eye?”

Oh boi

“Uhm. No. Well. Yes. But also no. It’s- it’s difficult Fabrì”

Listen. They’ve been drinking for an hour, he’s not thinking straight -not that he ever really has, tbh

“I mean, if you’re crushing on Fiorella i get it, but she’s happily married, you have no chance” jokes Fabrizio, noticing his discomfort. “Also i got there first, i get to court her before you”

“Then i really have no chance, there’s no way anyone would turn you down”

That’s when Bizio drops the bomb, whispering “Not even you?” without looking up from his glass of wine.

“well, i did say 'anyone’, Bizio ” replies Ermal, heart thundering in his ears, voice as low as the other singer’s.

“Oh”

“Told you it was complicated”

“Soooo” starts the other man. Ermal sees him getting up from the floor where they were all sitting and feels cold dread in his gut. Great. He spent the longest time avoiding this and now he’s driven Fabrizio away.

But no, the other singer is just coming beside him, sitting so near their thighs touch, a shy smile on his face. “If i were to do this” he murmurs, slowly caressing his arm with one finger, skin to skin, making them both sigh, maybe in relief, maybe from the nerves; it’s so clearly a flirty gesture it makes him breathe a little faster. “If I were to do this” Fabrizio keeps saying, leaving it hypothetical when there is nothing hypothetical about his hand travelling from his wrist to his shoulder and back, “would it be okay?”

It’s just a hand on his arm, but it somehow feels more exciting than a lot of the first kisses he had shared with others, goosebumps on his skin

“if i were to do this?” asks again, intertwining their fingers.

Fabrizio is staring at his face, a soft, playful smile; his eyes are searching, tho, looking for any sign of discomfort, even if Ermal knows he won’t find any

he’s probably smiling like a lunatic, and that must be the right signal, because Fabrizio balances himself on his thigh with the unoccupied hand and descends to kiss his neck, just a tiny peck

“And this?” he says, against his skin, and it tickles a bit, so he has to laugh as he answers “You do that all the time already” while squeezing his hand

“Maybe I want to do it more” he replies, as he kisses his neck again, this time a little higher, then another kiss, on his jaw, and Ermal feels like he’s floating, he doesn’t know if it’s the wine or the words or the kisses

“Maybe I’d let you”

And the way Fabrizio’s face lights up in an honest smile is making him feel Things, things like butterflies in his stomach, like his heart is about to burst, like the world is just the two of them. And this time he lets himself get lost in the feelings, in the knowledge that he’s allowed to want this, how fucking lucky he is

All the while Fabrizio has been staring at him, always that soft, fond smile, a hand on his cheek, another in his own.

“Nothing else you might attempt?” asks Ermal, once he has sorted out his feelings long enough. “You know, you’re already con un piede nella fossa (="with one foot inside your grave”, super old), and I’m not getting any younger either. You’ll have all the time you want to get acquainted to my neck, later"

Fabrizio laughs, eyes crinkling, touching Ermal’s forehead with his own.

“Okay then” he says, before kissing him.

[later, when at three am Ermal will wake him to announce triumphantly “SO I AM THE ONE YOU HAD A CRUSH ON!!!!!” he will almost laugh. Before throwing a pillow at his head, that is.]

[geodebiome]

im so hyped for shelter tbh

[franeridart]

WHOA BLACK CLOVER HAS AN ANIME NOW I GOTTA GO WATCH IT

Well, only the first episode for now but yeah!!! I can’t wait for my favs to show up aaahhhhhh!!!!!! 

Anon said:Omg, Kirishima, please teach me how to put on eyeliner, your eyeliner game is on point! (Seriously, tho, I love how you draw their eyes and how you draw Kiri in general. He seems so soft. Damn, Bakugou, I'm jealous that you can cuddle him)

THANK YOU!!!! And Kiri has really really pretty lashes in the manga too, doesn’t he? Bakugou too! They have seriously pretty eyes I spend a lot of time trying to get that right when drawing haha still not as good at Horikoshi tho after all, but what can we do~

Anon said:Every time I get a notification you posted something I get extremely happy! That's what your drawings did to me. How can one be so talented.

SOB thank you so much!! You being happy makes me happy so it’s happiness all around!!! What a good!!!

Anon said:Heey!! So I've been wondering... if Aizawa used his quirk on Hagakure would she become visible?? (Btw love your art)

Oh my what a question, I was actually talking about this not too long ago with a friend! And the conclusion ended up being that if her invisibility is a permanent mutation he can’t, but if she can turn it off at will then probably he can too! Right now we still don’t know how exactly Tooru’s quirk tho, so we can’t be sure which is the truth! (I like to think she can turn visible if she wants, but that’s just an headcanon with very little basis haha)

Anon said:Your erasermic art has blessed me 4ever thank u

NAH thank you for liking it and letting me know, man!!!

Anon said:I DIDNT KNOW YOU SHIP ERASERMIC OH MY GOD but seriously you're one of my favourite artists and the fact you like pretty much all the same things as I do is so amazing to me and it makes me so happy because I know that you may draw more of it in the future and I'll get to see more beautiful art if that makes sense lmao thanks for creating stuff 👌👌

Hahahaha yeah it’s one of my top ships in the fandom! Also the only one I read fics for aside from krbk I love them A LOT (and it’s all thanks to my sister who directed my attention towards them a long time ago now, thank you sis) so yeah I’ll definitely draw more of them in the future!!!! And thank you so much for liking my stuff!!!!!

Anon said:Hi! I just want to say I love your headcanon of Aizawa becoming a mentor/role model to Bakugou! Thank you for introducing me to that idea!

YOU’RE MOST WELCOME I’m just a huge huge huge fan of the Aizawa&Bakugou interactions and how much Aizawa cares for him and how much Bakugou respects and trusts him in return, so!!! I’m mostly just pushing on that canon stuff hahaha

Anon said:HORY SHEET BOYO THAT ERASERMIC SHIT IS GOOD SHIT

THANK YOU FRIEND!!!

Anon said:i came to love erasermic thru kiribaku tbh. like i saw erasermic fic in the kiribaku tag on ao3 and i read it for the bg kiribaku (kirishima was such a good boi in that fic ngl) and i was like hey erasermic isnt bad. then i saw your art of them comparing them and i was like hey this is good shit 😁👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌 keep it up pal

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll t r y !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :O

Anon said:Do you think Kyoka and Katsuki could get along? Over their like for punkrock maybe, and their gayness. Kinda like Todoroki and Momo's talks about their tiny crushes.

WHY YES ANON I think they could be the bestest of pals, I’ve actually drawn them together now and again cause I like the idea of them being friends so much - a list of some of the things Bakugou and Jirou do together:

make fun of Kaminari (Kaminari feels attacked and liked it better when Jirou was convinced she didn’t like Bakugou)

share music recs and go to concerts together (when it’s big ones they particularly care for they stand in line The Whole Day and at first it used to be sorta awkward but now being together makes the hours fly)

mutter sass and snark under their breaths to themselves in class and without meaning make the other snort or have to hide an actual laugh (they sit next to each other in class did you know that that’s my fav thing tbh)

say “god, I’m so fucking gay” and answer “mood” whenever Kirishima and Momo, like, exist or do anything equally outrageous

sit next to each other with their phones in hand in silence and at the same time look up with an intense/bored/obviously-judging-sero-come-on-look-at-them expression whenever anyone walks past them (they’re actually playing bullshit app games)

play bullshit app games in co-op or having each other as friends to earn more rewards cause they have a No-Judging policy going on between them that makes sharing this sort of otherwise embarrassing stuff with each other okay

Anon said:Hi!!! I love your art and I just wanted to ask....what band were you referring to when you said Mic named him after the band "eraserhead"? Could you possibly be talking about the filipino band "Eraserheads"?

Yeah!!!!! Tho I’m sorry to let you down anon, but I haven’t actually ever heard much from them (justttt one song two days ago cause I got curious) - I found out about them while looking up the movie!

Anon said:I love how you draw mic with his hair in a bun. It's super cute

THANK YOU!!!! But I can’t really take the merit for that, since that’s how he actually wears his hair (more or less) when he doesn’t gel it up for his hero costume!

Anon said:What is your favorite kiribaku au? :D

Oh boy, I sort of love everything and anything I’ve ever seen/read tbh, I’m a HUGE AU lover!! At the moment to anything with the fantasy AU (and dragon!Kiri is always a super welcome plus) is gonna make me go :O !!!!!!!! hahaha so maybe that, who knows! It’s for sure the one I think about the most!

Anon said:Hellooooo i love your art so much? Especially the bakushimas oh my god (also do you plan on drawing more soul eater *coughs*-deathstar-*coughs* in the future?) Have a good day!!

THANK YOU! And I dunno, maybe! If inspiration strikes, why not!

Anon said:hey guess what i just did... went through your ENTIRE art tag (all the way back to the knb and one piece), i found it really cool to see how your art has developed and see what your fav ship is at a certain time (and how you always come back to bokuroo)

Ah man thank you for spending all that time on my blog hahaha I wouldn’t say I always go back to bokuro though? It’s more like... whenever the manga brings the bokuros back I’m ready to start hyping all over them again hahaha my bokuro periods always happened while they were doing things in the manga, after all~

Anon said:u said u couldnt draw iida, lie of the century. i lvoe u

AHHHHH I’m glad you liked him!!!! I spent lotsa time on him in the past month or so trying to get a grasp on him, so I’m really seriously happy it seems to have paid off!! to quote Todoroki

Anon said:where’s ur faq i’m on mobile

SORRY maybe you already noticed but I added the link in the description! 

Anon said:have you ever thought about if eri-chan can... erase her own quirk?? and would how they might handle it

Actually that’s the first thing I thought when Mirio got his own erased... well, it still depends on what exactly Eri’s quirk does? We sorta assumed she had the same quirk as Chisaki, but they aren’t actually related so who knows? I sure hope she can fix the damage done on Mirio, tho!

Anon said:I ADORE YOUR ART SO MUCH OH GOD HAVE A NICE DAY FRAN

OH MY GOD THANK YOU I HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE DAY TOO!!!

Anon said:Usjeiwiwj oh man, i love cats, my cat relates to urs big time ajsjehej

Cats are such a mess and I love them with all of my heart to be honest hahaha

Anon said:Do u have any, idk idea about traitor!Kaminari? I just imagine how would others react? I think it's hella sad, and still Denki never wanted this, something just go wrong in his life and it's breakin my heart... ARGH, sorry for interrupt you with something like that...

It’s okay, don’t worry about that haha but I can’t say I find the theory possible in the least, so I haven’t really spent time thinking about it at all? I mean, I can imagine it would be full of angst and regrets and a lot of tears and anger mostly from his close friends, but since I just can’t believe this theory I can’t say I have anything specific I can give you on this orz sorry!

Anon said:Who's get jealous and possessive between bakugou and kirishima?

Actually I dunno man, are they possessive and jealous? I feel like they both would like it when the other told them stuff like “I’m yours” or “you’re mine”, but being there complete and utter trust between them they wouldn’t actually be jealous or act in a possessive way... does that make sense? At most I think they’d be insecure in the beginning of their relationship, but once they managed to make it clear that yes, you’re the one I want, no one else, just you then they would have little to no problems in that sense haha

Anon said:So many people seem to misunderstand bakugou and I just really like how you portray him. Good characterization and good art! 💖✨

SOB THANK YOU !!!!! this means the universe to me oh g o d s!!!!

Anon said:Wait!! This isn't your main blog? Omg how did I not know this. What is your main blog (if you're willing to let people from this blog follow it haha)?

AHHHH yeah I have a main one this one is just for my doods!!! the main is @franeridan, if you wanna follow it! I’m mostly just crying over bakugou and kirishima and complaining a whole damn lot about... everything, tho hahaha

Anon said:I'm not the anon but u know the concept that kiri n Baku would meet when they were younger and when Baku was more... violent? (i know that's not the right word, I'm not a native speaker sorry!) Like I think kiri could actually make Baku less of a bully? Considering how much positive impact he had on his personality AFTER it already developed (like idk if this ask makes sense? What do u think?) ◇ (btw putting smth like ◇ was a genious idea ty, idk if u remember that ask tho?)

Yeah yeah yeah yeah!!!!! Actually I’ve been thinking about this A LOT in the past couple of days and my conclusion ended up being that the key would be either for Kirishima to know Bakugou since they were really young OR for him to not attend Bakugou’s same middle school? Like, if they developed their personalities together, having someone like Kirishima around since they were kids could have made Bakugou develop differently, but if we go with the “they met in middle school” scenario then I think Kirishima would have had the same sort of...soothing? Effect on Bakugou only if Bakugou didn’t see him as a threat to his dream of being the only kid from that middle school to enter UA. Well, a scenario in which they had known each other since they were small young babies and Bakugou reached middle school going “the only one from this middle school to enter UA is gonna be me and Eijirou”, that would have been hella cute wouldn’t it hahaha growing up with a notion of us instead of just me would have changed Bakugou a lot, I’m pretty sure :D

[radicalseabies]

top 10 anime ops, go

omg so i got this ask like 2 weeks ago or something, and this took hours of intense listening and deep thought and introspection, and then i went away to sydney for like 4 days and then i forgot about it. anyway, it pained me deeply to have to leave a couple out but here we go (in no real particular order… i think)

「Great Days」 - Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable (OP 3)

*pointing to the sky* LET THE VOICE OF LOVE TAKE YOU HIGHER~

i love this OP so much. like, sooooo so much. all jojo OP’s are incredibly high quality affairs, but the first time i heard great days i literally felt like my life was changing, like i was having some kind of religious experience. it was just that good. it’s so upbeat, it radiates warmth and optimism, and it makes me feel so good to listen to, and that combined with the stylish and evocative visuals makes this hands down my favourite jojo OP, and one of my favourite anime OP’s of all time.

ambiguous - Kill la Kill (OP 2)

if i absolutely had to pick a favourite anime, id probably say kill la kill. it’s just so special to me. it’s so cool and wild and silly and over the top and so much fun. watching it each week is still to this day the most fun i’ve ever had watching an anime, and this OP is just such a banger. that part with ryuko and satsuki fighting, sending hundreds of one-star students flying everywhere, and eventually creating the logo out of debris and blood from their fight is one of the coolest title drops ive ever seen in an anime OP. this OP got me hyped up every time. still does.

Peace Sign - My Hero Academia (OP 2)

ohhWOAHH OHHohh, ohh OHH Ohh ohh, ohh OHH Ohhohh oohhhhh…oh my god i love this song. this song manages to encapsulate the tone, feel, and spirit of the series i love so much so perfectly, it actually blows me away. i really like the visuals too, theyre quite simple but effective, but the song is what really stands out to me here imo. OP’s will come and go as the series continues but in my heart Peace Sign will forever be THE theme of My Hero Academia. i dont have much else to say about it. this song fucking rules.

LAY YOUR HANDS ON ME - Kiznaiver

this anime ended up being only Okay in the end, tbh, tho i definitely enjoyed it. id give it like maybe a 7/10 overall. but holy moly, that OP tho!! this song is AMAZING and idk how to even describe all the feelings it stirs within me, and combined with the vibrant, kaleidoscopic visuals, this OP is simply breathtaking imo. 7/10 anime, 11/10 OP.

Hyadain no Kakakata Kataomoi/Joujou Yuujou - Nichijou

ok im cheating by including both nichijou OP’s in the one slot but u know what i DONT EVEN GIVE A CARE. nichijou is honestly the best anime ever made and it deserves it. i couldnt possibly separate its two OP’s, they’re a package deal tbh and they’re both the toppest of top tier. nichijou is love, nichijou is life.

Flyers - Death Parade

EVERYBODY, PUT YOUR HANDS UP, SAA FLYIN’, TSUBASA NI NAREholy hell this song is a bop. a show this sad had no business bopping this hard in the OP and yet it does and its fantastic. enough said, really.

Soundscape - Hibike! Euphonium (2nd season)

who expected such a down-to-earth drama abt a high school concert band would have such an absolute banger of an OP?? the first season of eupho was one of my favourite animes of 2015, so to have the highly anticipated 2nd season a year later kick off with such a fun, high energy OP just got me so dang excited!! also worth mentioning is at the beginning of the season, the OP is presented mostly in black and white, but after they win the competition and get to move onto nationals at the end of ep 5, it gets changed in the next episode onward to be completely in full, vibrant, beautiful kyoani colour, and it just made me so !!!!… ya. good stuff.

99 - Mob Psycho 100

no jokes this might actually be the best OP ever made tbh. it’s a 100% fucking masterpiece in every way. going into detail abt everything that makes this one so good would make this post like 3 times longer than it already is. its JUST THAT GOOD. 

THE HERO!! - One Punch Man 

ONE PUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNCCHHHH

i really dont have much to say abt this one other than it’s hands down one of the most bangerest bangers of all time. i know it, you know it, we all know it. one punch man is getting a 2nd season, and i simply cannot fathom it having an OP better than this. they may as well just reuse it instead of trying to live up to it.

Sorairo Days - Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

Mark my words. This drill will open a hole in the universe, and that hole will become a path for those behind us! The dreams of those who have fallen; the hopes of those who will follow! These two sets of dreams weave together into a double helix, drill a path towards tomorrow! That’s Tengen Toppa! That’s Gurren Lagann!! My drill is the drill THAT CREATES THE HEAVENS!!!

and then the chorus kicks in!! chills of hype every time!! i can’t believe i almost forgot to include this one, despite being so iconic of my life and having such fond memories of it. 

and there u have it. if you’ve been following me long enough or just know me well enough, there’s probably basically ZERO surprises here lolol, but shrugs, y’know?? i’m pretty transparent abt what i like LOL.

[izzy-b-hands]

Today involved a panic attack, so I’m gonna write about happy stuff at random as it comes to me.

Like how I’m watching Queen Live at the Bowl and like

There’s so many good moments

Poor Bri breaks his string during Dragon Attack but then John nails that amazing bass solo and it’s so good

Just watching Freddie be cute and bouncy. When he flops onto the riser all adorable before getting up to tell the crowd he’s knackered. King of my heart. 

Poor Bri, again, getting all excited during his solo alone on stage and bouncing towards the upper levels of the set up and then his fucking like...I think his cord to the amp comes partially undone or something? Cuz his sound is just gone but he handles it so well and is so cute hopping back over so the tech can fix it, then smiling wide when it’s all good again and he’s just like...the absolute cutest?

Every time Roger goes wild on the drums. The best. Even better when the camera gets in there and you can see that absolute intense concentration and that’s just??? Very attractive to watch like...I know how it sounds but like sir pls let me watch you just play drum solos over and over. 

Freddie damn near begging the crowd to clap and stomp on beat. Like I can’t explain exactly what gets me about this, but maybe because I have been in that crowd where everyone thinks we’ve got it?? But the lead singer is giving you a look like ‘c’mon guys please I’m literally clapping it out for you p l e a s e’ and then it’s like shit am I off or is someone else near me off and now half the crowd is off or???? But he’s really cute about it every time it comes up. I’d try my best to clap on beat for him.

Fat Bottomed Girls aka at the end we get a taste of Freddie as stripper all over the scaffolding and it is...good. I wanna know who had to climb on that scaffolding to give it the Freddie Test tho like...just knowing it was Gonna Get Climbed On. 

“now...in 1982...I know three chords on the guitar” stoooppp itt you cute talented dork.

This post is getting long but suffice to say I owe these boys for making me feel better today. Certain things are still scary and suck, but I’m gonna get through whatever happens next. Even if it keeps being terrible-just going to need to work my way through the Queen concert videos again, and I’ll never say no to that!

Edit: Ok I’ve got more, Long Post is getting Longer

John the entire concert in that blue outfit bouncing around? Magic, wonderful, best boy, bopping around that stage like he owns it (and he does!) 

Bri’s multiple shirt changes. I don’t know why this amuses me but it does. Maybe because Freddie just loses a shirt but otherwise the rest of the band doesn’t really make much in the way of outfit changes??? Idk in any case he looks really cute in everything he puts on and I hope he knows that. Rog does change his shirt towards the end too, I should note, and he looks wonderful too. 

Chaos Freddie during Sheer Heart Attack going stripper on Bri’s mic stand (and that bit with his face in the guitar I am w e a k F r e d d i e) to the point that it falls over. Very good, all of that.

The sombrero comes out for We Will Rock You and Bri rolls his sleeves way up and it’s all really cute and good and just adklsfjasf 

[onedirectionforever]

First kiss story?

okay so i didn’t kiss a boy until i was 15, which in my case was like really late because all my friends had kissed boys when they were like 13 but i realize in the grand scheme of things wasn’t even that bad so if any 15+ people that are reading this that haven’t kissed someone do not fret!! here we go i’m gonan go balls deep 

but okay so this wasn’t my fondest moment please no judgement i was 15 but here we go. so my really good friend at the time, let’s call her savannah, was dating this guy for almost a whole year and they were really into each other, so it was the beginning of my sophomore year and i just heard that savannah and her boyfriend broke up and it was sad but she seemed okay. so i was on my dance team, and we danced at every football game at half time it was cute, and savannah was on the dance team with me. so after half time i was chillin and her ex boyfriend (lets call him alex) comes up to me and just starts chatting and im like okay this is weird bc even tho they dated for like a year i really never talked to him all that much and i remember he was like “you’re savannahs friend right?” and i was like yeah and stuff and then he was like “well you’re really cute, can i have your number?” and 15 YEAR OLD ME WAS S H O O K, because this is legit the first time any boy showed any actual interest in me and he was  A SENIOR and i gave him my number and he literally texted me that night and i was so LIT and he was cute too he was like ripped the only thing was that he was like the same height as me and i remember he was like “youre kinda tall :/” but like bitch i was like 5′5 ur short i’m average ok and i should have known he was kinda eh because he would always just be like “wow you have such a big butt” and stuff which is nice and all but not the romance 15 year old me was looking for. i also knew he had like tons of sex and i literally had never even been like remotely touched by a boy ok but onto the kiss so it was thanksgiving break and we decided to hang out the day after thanksgiving and i was so nervous like all of break and all my friends were hyping me up bc they were ready for me to have a man and shit but i didn’t tell savannah or anything bc i felt weird about it obv but so he came to pick me up  for a “movie night” like it was literally netflix and chill (side note; on his instagram he posted a “meme” i guess of a cartoon of these people fucking and the caption was “movie night ;)” so yeah i was … nervous but i SNUCK out of my house and told my mom i was going to work on a project and i was so hot for the fact that he drove like i was 15 ok and we went to his house which to this day about i’m still confused there was like nobody home at all like where are your parents idk and we went into this basement which was like dark as hell and we started watching We’re the Millers and he kept wanting to cuddle and i was so awkward at it LMFAO and then he asked me if i smoked weed and i was so nervous bc i knew he was like a stoner and i said no and he asked me if i wanted to and i said ok bc i panicked and i literally took one hit from his bowl and started coughing so much LMFAO like how sexy but anyway after watching the whole fucking movie like he was probably like ….. when we gon fuk but like i was scared ok. and when the movie was over we were cuddling less awkwardly and he started kissing my neck and i was like oH ITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN and then he just like took my face and started kissing me and it wasn’t like a closed mouth innocent first kiss like he wanted to maKE OUT and boy i was confused but i dont think i did terribly for my first time like he kept biting my lip and i was like ??? this is a lot and he was like groping me and rubbin and shit and i was like this is so intense so i pulled away and told him i should probably go home soon and he was like “15 more minutes” so i continued to make out with him for a little and he kept trying to undress me and i let him take my sweater off bc i had a tank top on underneath but thats it bc i was like SO SCARED and then he drove me home and we kissed in his car a little and he kept texting me saying how much he wanted to like fuck and shit and i was so scared and i started to feel bad bc of savannah so i texted him and told him that i felt bad betraying and going behind savannahs back and that was the end of alex. but ps i saw him literally a month ago at a concert like for the first time in almost 4 years and he came up to me and was like “caitlin right?” and then SHOOK MY HAND as i was high as hell i was so confused and he got ugly like he looked like a human embodiment of a lemonhead like u know the candy but yes that’s my story