#the general shittiness of that sentiment aside

[halliescomut]

Love Sea Ep 8 Post-Watch Thoughts

I was gonna post thoughts as I went, but forgot, so here's hoping I can remember everything that happened in the episode.

- General comment: I love the more playful air of the intimate scenes this episode. There's no "graphic" NC scenes this ep, and instead Mame basically opts for fade-to-black for the couple we see initiated, but there's a significant increase in the playfulness between Rak and Mut, which is a very subtle but lovely bit of storytelling in my opinion. It demonstrates that what's happening is about more than the contract or the sex, but that they're becoming comfortable with each other.

- The father legit still confuses the fuck out of me. Like....does he actually want something. Does he just want to punish Rak by making him live a life alone because Rak chose his mother? Because that's what it seems like, and yeah shitty people are often just shitty, no deeper meaning, but seriously how can this man think Rak would have done anything else after he was such a garbage husband and father? I feel like if he tried at all to look at the series of events from Rak's perspective at all he'd be like "You know what, that's fair. I probably would have made the same choice."

-I've said this several times, but I like seeing Mut do little things to take care of Rak. I think it's good for Rak, because it shows him what the potential future could be. I also really liked the bit of internal dialogue we got at the opening of the episode about how mundane daily tasks, done in repetition are a way of showing care to those we cherish. I think that's just a really lovely sentiment.

-While I'm still mad at P'Vi, because all of her anxiety over Mook not realizing she's being flirted with could have been avoided if she was just honest. She's pushing Rak so hard to admit his feelings to himself, and even teasing him, but she can't confess to her crush either, so does she really have a leg to stand on? I realize that a lot of these choices are kinda done for the drama, but I feel like there were other options that might land better and wouldn't rely on P'Vi playing a bunch of games. Really, her just repeatedly confessing to Mook and Mook just passing it off as her being silly or not serious would have been a good option.

-Issues with P'Vi's deplorable choices in regards to wooing Mook aside, I did really like her convo with Rak this episode. I really like their friendship and how honest they are with each other. It's an important part of friendship. And while they're very honest and even blunt, it never feels like they're being cruel. Both actors did really well conveying the level of familiarity they would have, and how well they know each other's boundaries. They push and tease, but don't cross the line.

-I feel bad for Meena. Poor lamb. As precocious as she is, she is still just a little kid and shouldn't have ever been pulled into the adult concerns happening. The fact that Rak's father is so willing to use her shows exactly what kind of man he is, truly.

-Mut and his handling of Meena and Rak's dad showed a level of seriousness and maturity that's not unexpected, but is a good counterweight to his more fun-loving casual demeanor most of the time. We love a man that can do both. (Also, idk if you noticed, but the jeans this episode were showcasing the tushy excellently.)

-I've got mixed feelings on the whole jealousy scene and the foreplay-esque fight. It feels just so vaguely ooc to me, but this is original IP, so it's basically canon, so it can't be ooc. It honestly just checks off my bingo box for "poorly considered D/s dynamics portrayed". Watching it it felt like they were a couple doing a scene, but we as the audience weren't present for the pre-game discussion, you know? Maybe part of why it felt so odd is that it seems like Mame is trying to portray consent in a healthier way while at the same time feeding into that 'No" Kink she has and so the scene feels incongruous...idk.

-Truly the only real issue I have with this episode is the continuity of Rak's iPhone. When his father surprises him we watch the phone drop and the screen shatter in slow motion, clearly to a level that would make it unusable, but then after their talk he walks away actively calling Mut on the phone and it's clearly functional. Like this is not a deal breaker for me, but it is such an obvious break in continuity that I'm kind of surprised.

Okay, that's all I can think of. Two episodes left. I'm excited and also a bit sad to see the story end. Sidenote, do any of y'all feel like this show has rewatch potential? I've rewatched LITA & DSN a bunch, and LBC and TT once, and WP none at all, since their original release, but I'm not sure how I'll feel about rewatching Love Sea.

[local-critter]

Angst alphabet for Asra please.

Which latters? D! And anything else you'd like to do for Asra.

Aside from D for Death, I want them all as Asra, but also know that's way too many. So D.

I'm a little overachiever at times so I did the whole alphabet LMAO

Asra Alnazar Angst Alphabet

A - Austere (what makes them feel uncomfortable and unwanted?)

Being ignored or straight up ghosted; Asra doesn’t like being perceived too much but you’re his whole world, he wants to savor every moment with you to make up for lost time and he feels so shitty when you don’t return the sentiment

B - Bad Habits

Ironically, ghosting. They’ll forget to tell you about a trip until the last minute, or maybe forget to tell you altogether, leading to them just up and disappearing for sometimes days at a time. It’s common when they’re upset or really stressed

C - Crying (do they cry easily? What causes them to crack? How do they cry?)

Asra kinda hates acknowledging most emotions he perceives as negative, so it takes a lot for him to cry. If it’s just because maybe things have been building up for too long but not one specific thing that set him off, just silent tears running down his face. If it is one specific thing he can’t run from, like your death, he just breaks down; it’s messy, there are tears and snot everywhere, his shoulders are shaking violently from the force of his sobs, his breathing is fast and shallow and when he’s done he has a headache from hell and he feels completely hollowed out; he’ll be walking around in a numb daze for a few days afterward, because he just released all the emotions that have been building up for months, maybe years. The first type of cry is a little stream and the second is a raging river; there is no in-between

D - Death (how do they handle the topic? What would they do if their s/o died?)

They don’t handle death well; Asra, post (upright) route holds their loved ones as close to their heart as they can; the thought of any of their loved ones dying can send them straight into a downward spiral of anxiety and dread. Conformation of death sends them straight into either dissociation and denial or a week-long breakdown and then dissociation and denial for a little before they start looking into necromancy with a frantic look in their eyes and terrifying determination. If their significant other died though? Oh boy

They were bad enough the first time but the second, it kills them. Their grief would actually kill them if they lost you again; they would not survive knowing you’re gone and there’s nothing they can do about it because they know they can’t make another deal.

E - Emotion (an emotion they try to suppress)

Anger; he tries so hard to never get angry. He allows himself annoyance, irritation, but never ever anger. Asra is not an angry person in general, there are few times he’s been truly angry at someone, most often Lucio, so he’s come to associate his anger to the former count

F - fights (how do they argue? How quickly do they start an argument? Are they patient with their s/o’s feelings?)

Asra has seemingly endless patience; especially when it comes to you. They were your caretaker for at least a year, probably more, so they’re familiar with your moods and act accordingly. Typically, they let you yell for as long as you need to then when they see you’re done they’ll try and soothe you or give you space, depending on what you need. But when they actually fight back, shit gets real ugly real fast.

You know Asra better than most people in their life; you know Asra better than their parents, you’re second only to Muriel. But Asra knows you too, knows you better than you know yourself sometimes, which means that when you’re both aiming to hurt, it’s all too easy to hit where it hurts for the both of you

G - Guilt (do they feel guilty over something? How do they handle that feeling?)

He’s still guilty for leaving you behind when he left Vesuvia during the plague; he will carry the guilt of your death with him for the rest of his life

H - heartbroken (have they had their heart broken before? Does their S/O have the power to break them?)

Absolutely yes to both. The first time they were heartbroken was the ‘deaths’ of his parents, then when Muriel was in the coliseum, then when you died. And yes, you absolutely have the power to break them; again, you know them better than practically everyone because they’ve never allowed anyone else to truly know them. They’ve given you so much power over them and they’re aware of it, but they gave it to you in the first place because they trust you won’t hurt them.

I - Insecurities

I honestly don’t think Asra is very insecure to be honest; I think he has his moments, like anyone else, but those are few and far between. I think he’d be insecure of leaving you behind and what happened, and afraid you’d leave him for his need to travel. He left you behind and you died; he’s terrified you think he’d leave you to suffer a similar fate again.

J - Jaded (how easily do they become jaded? How do they attempt to get out of that?)

Asra has been jaded for almost their whole life; orphaned and growing up with Vesuvia’s forgotten doesn’t lead to having the happiest outlook on life. Especially since they’ve seen firsthand how cruel the world can be with the Coliseum fights and how Muriel has been treated his entire life

K - killed (what have they killed? Figuratively or literally)

I don’t think Asra has ever killed someone literally. Hurt people before? Absolutely, a gang was after them as a child, so they were forced to be well-versed in self-defense, but never took a life. They definitely killed their morals when you were dead though; they crossed several lines they never wanted to cross before nor again to bring you back

L - lies (what lies do they tell their s/o? Are they a good liar?)

Asra is the best liar you’ll ever meet, but he absolutely hates lying to you. The lies he’d tell you were during your recovery, whenever you’d ask about your past or your memories; he lied only to protect you. After you prove you can finally handle your memories and your past, Asra stops the lies; if there's ever something he doesn’t want to tell you he either tells you he doesn't want to talk about it or deflects and changes the subject

M - mono (do they ever feel alone?)

Not post upright route, not anymore; they know by then that they have a lot of people in their corner, a lot of people in their life; more than they ever thought they’d have. They’re only alone when they want to be because they know they have plenty of people they can seek out if they feel lonely; you’re at the top of that list, of course

N - nightmare (what’s their worst fear?)

Death of a loved one

O - Obstacles (what things have they overcome? How much does it still affect them?)

He’s overcome a lot in his life. The loss of his parents, growing up a homeless orphan, teaching himself and Muriel magic, Count Lucio, the plague, losing you, beating the Devil; Asra has always been a survivor through and through. Of course some of that affects him still; he has nightmares, he has trust issues, he has issues expressing some emotions, but he has people wish shared experiences there and it helps

P - panic (do they panic easily? What instincts do they have? (fight flight, freeze, or fawn))

Asra is typically calm and collected damn near all times, so no, they don't panic very easily but when they do, their first instinct is flight. They avoid conflict whenever possible

Q - quiet (secrets they have)

I don't think Asra would like keeping secrets from his partner, especially after knowing you for almost a decade. I think Asra has things he hasn't told you yet, most likely pertaining to his childhood as one of Vesuvia’s orphaned children, but most likely it's because he doesn't want to acknowledge just how rough his childhood actually was or maybe the right moment to bring it up just hasn't happened

R - rejection (how do they handle rejection of any sort? Have they had a big moment of rejection?)

Asra handles rejection pretty well; they travel a lot so they meet plenty of new people but that also means that if they get rejected they can just leave lmao. If the rejection happens in Vesuvia, they’ll be a good sport about it and won’t make anything awkward, they know they’re not gonna be everyone’s cup of tea and they’re cool with it. They appreciate the honesty too

S - separation (how would they react to a S/O breaking up with them? What would it take for them to break up with their s/o?

If you broke up with him, Asra would be absolutely crushed; he'd respect your decision, maybe try to ask if he'd done something to warrant the breakup, but if you tell him it's because you fell out of love or something he'd never recover; you would deadass never hear from Asra again. He loves you so much still that he can't be part of your life anymore, he can't just be a friend or someone you see every once in a while, it would destroy him; he'd leave Vesuvia all together and probably take Muriel.

I can't really see Asra breaking up with you; he loves you so much, it would take a lot to get him to consider ending it, but I can't think of anything specific

T - trust (how do they break their s/o’s trust? How easily is their trust earned/broken? How would they react to being betrayed?)

Asra's trust takes a long time to earn, so I think it's pretty hard to break. But once it's broken, Asra would never be able to trust you fully again. After the first time there's always going to be lingering doubt about you, I think. They may not even be entirely conscious of their wariness, but it's there all the same.

If you betrayed them, it would destroy them; just crush them completely. It depends on the betrayal itself, of course, but Asra would definitely run. Depending on what you did, they might come back, but it's entirely possible they won't.

Asra would treat your trust like it's fucking frost; the most delicate thing ever. They'd never ever willingly break it, not if they could help it; you mean too much to them for them to ever willingly hurt you

U - urges (what’s something they want but cannot have? Or something they lost and can’t get back)

Asra will always miss the person you used to be; the version of you he left behind. He loves the version of you he has now, he loves you more than he will ever be able to say, but some small part of him will always miss who you used to be, and some part of him will always grieve the love you had/could have had back then

V - volatile (how quickly do they anger? What do they act like when they’re angry?)

Asra doesn’t often get angry; it takes a lot to push them to that point, typically. If you want to them angry fast, bring them to Lucio; he’s practically the only one who can piss them off by merely being near them. Otherwise, it’s incredibly difficult, especially if it’s you that’s angering them. You, Murial, Nadia, and maybe Salim and Aisha are the ones they find it the hardest to get mad at; they love you too much.

But because it takes so much to anger them, when they finally let it out it’s very…explosive, but it’s their magic mainly that’s lashing out. Asra will shout a little, pace around aggressively, but will never really do more than that, and especially won’t get close to you when they’re mad.

W - weak (what makes them feel weak?)

Lucio, typically. He lied to him about his parents so easily, he blackmailed both Asra and Muriel without batting an eye, he killed thousands, you included, without even trying. And Asra couldn’t really do anything about it because, powerful magician he may be, he had no political power while Lucio was the Count. Lucio has hurt almost all of the people Asra cares about and he feels like he wasn’t able to do anything about it

X - X-ray (how readable are their emotions? How good are they at reading their s/o?)

Asra reads you like you’re a picture book tbh because to them, you might as well be. They knew you for several years before you lost your memories, you had to relearn practically everything and Asra was there for every single mood, they saw your new tells and expressions develop, so they know you practically better than you know yourself, meanwhile Asra themself is very difficult to read unless they’ve actively trying to display their emotions. They learned a lot on the streets and few of those lessons were kind.

Y - youth (what kind of childhood did they have? At home and at school)

At home, before the ‘deaths’ of his parents, Asra had a happy life; two loving parents and a home. Afterwards, he had no one and almost nothing, until he met Muriel. Safe to say the majority of his childhood and teenage years were really rough

Z - zero (what would they do if they lost everything)

I truly do not think Asra would survive that; losing everything, they could probably come back from, but losing their loved ones, all of them, would actually kill them.

[lambilegs]

you’re literally my fav writer atm i’ve already sent a few asks now and you literally just write it perfect every time like ugh you just get me

what do you think lee would be like when she’s angry?

- 🩸

angry!lee harker headcanons

OMGGGG THAT IS SERIOUSLY SO SWEET :"") got SO happy reading this hehe thank you so so much!! and omg I'm so flattered you've been satisfied from when you sent in asks, that makes me feel so happy omg omg and thank you so much for sending in those asks!! esp bc sometimes I get worried about writing lee well or accurately, so all of this seriously makes so so ecstatic :')

(ALSO OMG MY FIRST EMOJI ANON? hehehe I'm so excited <33)

( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡)💢 --> lee

definitely is more of a calm, sizzling type of angry person

I'm thinking of the scene where she confronts kobble and her voice gets really firm when she says, "It's done," yet she still manages to keep her calm and her voice remains steady

I feel like, while a lot makes her uncomfortable, she doesn't get angry that easily -- I feel like she'd only get genuinely angry when she feels an injustice happening, or when someone is being undoubtedly shitty

and this isn't because she doesn't care or something. she definitely does care, and is extremely perceptive, but most things that annoy her she's able to just ignore or set aside before it gets her genuinely mad. or she'll just silently find her own solution, like avoiding a person she knows irritates her

but, when she gets angry? oh, yeah, her body language makes it crystal clear. she's usually difficult to read, but when she's genuinely angry, livid or enraged, you can tell. her jaw clenches, her lips purse, her eyes widen and burn, and her hands will tighten their grip on her sleeves

but, she doesn't scream or raise her voce or use her anger as a generator for cruelty. she just gets firmer with her words, outlining clearly what it is she doesn't like, and her tone gets harder, losing the flat, neutral level it usually maintains

if the person upsetting her continues pushing after she talks back a few times, and doesn't try to be productive with her, she'll usually just cut off the conversation, either by falling into a silence, voicing her finish or just walking away and taking space to cool down

she's extremely patient, though. she's spent years carefully managing and navigating her words, and she's used to it enough that doing it, even in anger, is natural. besides, she's also naturally used to taking a more quiet, observant position, so remaining silent and listening to the other person is easy for her. and she's not someone inclined to reducing herself to mean sentiments or cruelty -- one, it would just feel wrong to her to get her point across in that way and she's not used to it, and two, even on a logical level, she knows it wouldn't get her anywhere

also feels it quite acutely and gets really overwhelmed :( can definitely see it causing some intense emotions in her and making her cry and really need time to recharge after

[februaryschopin]

(audience booing track) okay hear me out before you guys throw your tomatoes at me because i killed off a previous chara i had just HEAR ME OUT… as always i’m 9688385 dms behind but trust me i will get back to you all one like at a time :-) it’s me anwar (not hadid) + thank u! yapping below on a particular visitor from allara!

liam fanning-ngoc, 25 / general (footnotes wip if i ever get to it lmao)

ENTER the life of a former weird boy (still is actually) from the allara server and more specifically from boston, massachusetts, usa where finding a wasian of irish and hoa vietnamese chinese descent is as easy as 1-2-3. his parents had a meet-cute back in their college days so whenever liam tells people how his white dad and asian mother met he’s always met with dreaded questions alluding to his dad going out of his way to find an asian wife (you know what i’m talking about don’t play with me) and liam’s like “yo dude what are u talking about lmao my dad met my mom on accident in boston college’s dining hall”. SO the now berklee college of music professor marries his long time girlfriend, a vietnamese chinese immigrant woman from terra who’s a musical therapist for children

all was technically well until some unaddressed hiccups concerning their marriage tho? as in cultural differences and backlash on the mother’s end who refuses to fully assimilate to allaran/american society which didn’t translate too well for the white side of his family that are “pseudo true” americans as far as having more than 4+ grandparents who were born in allara. so plenty of misunderstanding stemming from xenophobia and liam’s dad is a deadbeat emotionally especially bringing up the fact that liam is very visibly mixed looking and not at all white passing (more on that with his first cousin on the fanning side of the family *side eyes emoji*) which made him the butt of the joke for shitty “stinky lunches” and anti-viet/sinophobic sentiment while growing up overweight and as a continual afterthought

his dad is an amazing lover, a wonderful husband, a love bomber to infinity which is probably what convinced his mother!! BUT.. the downside like we mentioned above is having an emotionally neglectful/deadbeat dad who simply filed an app to terrascape for a kid by the expectations of his wife (lowkey to shut her up hahahahshafjgj ah shit) and the same shitty tired ass excuse of being “married to his work/career” comes into question. bro can’t name any of the 2 childhood friends liam grew up with, but his mother can. after a certain age his father ends up not knowing a damn thing about his kid and i think. at the end of the day. it’s because he’s unable to fathom his son’s biracial identity and refuses to help confront his son’s difficulties.. with such? especially considering that his wife raises liam with a strong arm because she REFUSES to have a useless whitewashed child that embarrasses her so.

this is the part where liam’s dad starts to hate his wife who is a person outside of being an object of his desires which is fucked as we all know and spoiler alert: he doesn’t have the fucking balls to break up/divorce her because men love making their problems everyone else’s so :-) but do keep in mind that liam’s mom isn’t emotionally avail either, very much the “here’s some fruit i cut for you” immigrant mother after she emotionally abuses you because she always thinks what’s best for her is what’s best for You so no she’s a mother who never apologizes but will. cut up some damn fruit or cook his fave northern viet dishes for him and it’s probably why liam was a fat lil boy

he’s def that weird kid you shared an honors class with that people just left alone after making shitty jokes about? but you feel kinda bad for him despite not knowing much about him? liam grew up on making friends from rpg games, forums, aside from the 2 buddies he’s known all his life. he was a band kid and was fairly good at playing the upright bass, but didn’t have aspirations to pursue music the same manner his parents did. instead he’s working on his 20th-21st century comic book/manga collection and can flawlessly imitate the voice of bruce lee speaking in english (and LOVED play fighting with his loser friends after binge watching 1970s hong kong martial arts movies).

tho eventually he stops feeling bad for himself (which honestly partial to blame is america’s amazing job at emasculating asian men which is totally a conditioned culprit!!!) and ends up losing the weight upon sophomore year of college, gains an interest in fitness and attempts to finding a personal style which honestly still he’s not really fashion conscious. painfully looks like a frat boy and is used to the allegations but the fuck ass loser in him hasn’t left, but he realizes how people treat him in the last recent years due to being relatively conventionally handsome(?) and only hot people get to be weird and have niche interests apparently

AND ALAS it’s been three years since he graduated from umass boston with a vietnam + ireland flag sash draped around his neck lookin like a goof but reppin hard for both sides lmfao and rn he lives in the megabuildings with a roommate (plot? anyone?)! a bachelor’s in communications + marketing with a minor in digital arts. since he was a kid he used to mess around on a hand-me-down terra-esque-photoshop-based-software and since then i’m afraid we having the coming of herb lubalin except in the year 3024. bro was making his family homemade birthday card graphics, eventually websites and now is working on prototype designs for apps, etc. he works for the gaming company that has launched the ever so successful iron fist which has been his latest project atm and man is he psyched, so much that he was offered to position in their physical office in terra’s server so long as he migrates with the proper visitation/work documents AND YEAAAH i’ll quit yapping here bg-wise but i can happily :-) expand if needed be. i fucking love expanding..

personality

truthfully and i know i always say this but he’s definitely leaning towards the ambivert side of people, give him a topic that he’s well informed on/interested or if you guys have a common interest then BOOM. it’s all over, i fear that you have a yapper in him. but that aside genuinely quite friendly aaaaaaand keenly leans into his intuition too a lot of the time? naturally curious about people and things so believe me when i say he just Has to fuck around and find out or else it’ll kill him to not? want to do that? very trustworthy, almost just as reliable, enjoys being someone’s rock or pillar to lean on because he didn’t have that as much growing up so it’s really the least that he can do. half a strategic planner, half a “fuck it we ball get up everyone today’s the day”, one hundred percent hypocritical and conflicting and very much a social/emotional chameleon. despite being a yapper also do trust me when i say that his yapping is purposeful (the aquarius mercury is doing so much heavy lifting in his chart). uh also is pro-terra bc bro is not tryna die out he just would like to enjoy his time in this simulated reality so!! idk man people hate him for his boyish whimsical nature but that’s neither here or there

[an-obligatory-blog]

jackal squad hcs since i never shared it outside of discord

under the cut (it's long)

GENERAL SQUAD HCS

“Not the strongest, but not the weakest-- regardless of our reputation, that was what we were... and I was satisfied with that.”

They were formed after one particular mission: 5 independent mercenaries hired by the same client-- they thought it was funny how they all happened to be jackals even though it was sheer coincidence (hired anonymously).

They didn't form a permanent group right away (though Quatre followed Zero), but they kept in contact and over time they decided to stick together. (Unlike wolves, jackals don't normally form packs and instead hunt alone or in pairs, but small packs of jackals exist, so I'm going off of that!)

(added note: In my world, Infinite's original name was Zero and he changed it after the Jackal Squad was wiped)

Their names are actually codenames from their first mission (except for Zero, though they didn't know that until later). For one reason or another, none of them are attached to their real names and stuck to their number-based names when they are together.

None of them can agree on anything when it comes to food except for maybe one thing. Zero likes sweets. Uno insists that food presentation matters a lot and has a rather fancy palette due to upbringing (which looks really silly when they are camping out in the woods eating jerky). Deux likes booze a bit too much. Trois loves anything spicy (and not normal spicy, like "Carolina Reaper" spicy). Quatre isn't picky, but he kind of hates eating and only sees it as a means to get nutrients. They all like meat (or at least don't hate it) so they usually have that, but if they're somewhere where that isn't accessible, they settle who gets to choose with a fist fight. (Quatre just watches bc he doesn't care, but he always roots for Zero)

Zero was the only one with a significant reputation before they met (which is why he became leader, charisma aside), but he only became known as the Ultimate Mercenary until after the Jackal Squad was formed. It took awhile for Zero to accept this moniker-- his ego was something that was built over time through his squad's constant encouragement/envy

They're known as a group for their overpowering strength with all of them either adept or specializing in close combat, but in actuality, their work involves a lot of prep, aggressive strategy and teamwork, which gives the illusion of unmatched strength. However, this mindset mainly comes into play when they are actually hired for a mission. When they are just scavenging or hunting for something, they default to a normal formation.

Despite their synergy on the field, they aren't super close on a deep level due to all of their personal hang-ups. (Even though Deux and Quatre act as if they were, especially Deux) They are friends in the sense that "friends are people who you're comfortable with and can laugh with", but they're never fully honest with each other when it comes to their deep-seated issues due to their individualistic pride/fear of attachment in a job where death isn't exactly uncommon (and they never do bc they die LMAO, found family but what if they die before they become family amirite). "Comrades" is probably the most apt word with how they rely on each other. Also, none of them are exactly therapist material kek.

Their jobs aren't bound by a strong moral compass (/w some exceptions), which made them attractive for certain clients and facilitated their reputation as a ruthless bunch. To them, they were just following the money trail and when they reject jobs, risk to themselves is usually the reason (if not shitty pay). Jackal Squad didn't craft their rep purposefully, though Zero found it flattering even though he secretly didn't actually believe that they were the strongest mercenaries.

The desire to shake up the world with chaos is a shared sentiment between all of the jackals. After Zero accepted Eggman's offer, he was able to appeal to the rest of the crew successfully because of this

UNO HCS

"I'll watch your back, Zero. Keep your eyes forward."

Orange bandana around neck and muted yellow gloves. His voice is flat and about as deep as Zero. Wields throwing knives + dagger. Although all of the squad is capable of first aid, he is the closest thing to a designated "medic"

Stoned-faced stoic, but usually he's just awkward. Very observant.

Meticulous and cleanest of the group. "It reflects character", he says, though he isn't trying to prove that to anyone but himself.

Zero’s second in command since he is the most reliable of the group. If someone forgets something, Uno is usually the one who remembers.

Was raised in a relatively wealthy family (landowners in a desert town near an oasis) before their demise due to poor handling of assets (or whatever, idc how). Left to live on his own and eventually became a freelance/mercenary. Has no interest in restoring the house.

Complicated relationship with parents (though he wishes it was simpler), more negative than positive. They are the reason why his hidden desire is to be useful to someone.

Doesn't have the appearance of a rich kid, but some habits carry over even after years of mercenary work. Deux makes fun of him for this.

"Eats with his eyes" so to speak. The type who would arrange his hardtacks into an aesthetically pleasing composition, take a picture (for himself, not social media), and then eat it.

Least eager to kill in the Jackal Squad

A part of him wishes that he was invisible-- that he was more like a nameless ghost who helps the squad from the shadows rather than a real person who has achievements attached to his name. One of his fears is having a compliment be taken back after failure, so he finds praise difficult to digest-- so he deflects compliments because of that, not faux humbleness.

If he had one wish, it would be to see his parents again, allegedly to "give them what's what". In actuality, he hopes that he'll find them dead for reasons outside of his control. It would feel more like natural karma that way. He doesn't want to kill them.

DEUX HCS

"You should loosen up every once and awhile, Boss. You only live every moment once."

Orange beret, arms bandaged for aesthetic reasons, wields a tomahawk(?) idk that thing he's holding the rise of infinite comic

The most light-hearted and laidback of the group, a flirt, and encourages his squad mates to enjoy themselves more.

The best at espionage in the group-- is often the one doing the scouting and info gathering for the group

Possibly the most cynical of the group, but during discussion, he tends to take the optimistic Quatre's side to balance each side since Uno and Trois tend to favor realistic or safer solutions (unless Trois felt battle hungry that day, in which case he'll probably side with Uno since Trois and Quatre would be on the same side)

(added note: this would almost always lead Zero to be the tiebreaker, so every time an operation goes well, Zero is always the one credited for each decision despite everyone contributing. This is purposeful on Deux's part)

He used to be in a different squad/pack/group before a leadership dispute teared it apart. Forced to be a pawn by the group's traitors, Deux took advantage of his cheerful, disarming persona to play both sides until he escapes the bloodshed unscathed. It left an impression on him about the fragility of loyalty and how important and difficult it is to maintain harmony in a group

If Uno is a naturally observant person who uses his eyes to find anything that could be useful in a practical sense, then Deux is someone who deliberately trained his eyes to see the yellow/red flags and address them before they escalate. He is sensitive to changes of atmosphere

Has a very “it is what it is” sort of attitude, almost defeatist at times of crisis

He knows how to cook one thing and it's weed brownies. Zero is not amused.

Fond of alcohol, doesn't pressure Zero to drink (who hates anything that messes with his mind), but that doesn't stop him from teasing him for loving sweet, non-alcoholic mocktails like Shirley temple

If he had one wish, it would be for someone to both understand and love him without the condition of him returning those feelings. Not because he wants to manipulate/use/hurt them, but because he no longer thinks he is capable of it and would like to see evidence that he's deserving of it anyways.

TROIS HCS

“Cowards are the worst. If you fight to kill, you should be prepared to be killed.”

Green vest, fights with brass knuckles. Woman <3

Has a "hot" and a "cold" side. Usually, she is no-nonsense and frosty, but also the most empathetic in the squad even though she buries that part of herself. Her violent side comes out in the heat of battle and makes sure to keep it that way. She calls it "anger management"

If Deux is the type to force himself to be understanding of others to preserve the group, then Trois is the one who represses her understanding side to protect herself. She has to stop herself from helping others in order to preserve her cold persona.

Naturally strong (around… current Amy strength maybe?). There were a few incidents where she punches something too hard out of anger

Loves spicy food a lot, she likes the tingling fire breath pain that comes with the spice

She takes up close quarter combat for the thrill of hurting and being hurt. She tends to smile when she gets really into a fight and to the opponent, it looks really scary. She doesn't enjoy beating down robots as much as people

"If you receive, you should be prepared to give." This phrase was used as a chain to bind Trois down during her childhood. Even after she escapes after being used one too many times, she uses similar words to cast judgment onto her enemies who whine after defeat. Doesn't get enough therapy to question this.

She became a mercenary because she likes to fight and needs money after she left home, but she dislikes following orders, especially from arrogant clients who make unreasonable demands about things they don't understand.

Not particularly afraid of death for better or worse. Her recklessness and aggressive style makes her more prone to injuries out of all the members, but has been proven to be an irreplaceable asset time and time again. Uno tends to clean up after her

She and Zero have that wlw mlm solidarity thing going on lmao, she is probably the one who understands Zero best.

Her wish would be to eat the spiciest pepper on Earth raw. It's a simple wish, but she would be getting something for herself that can't be shared with others (since most would not want it). Unlike Uno and Deux who feel like something is missing in their lives, she feels "whole" despite her issues.

QUATRE HCS

"You are everything I want to be, Boss! I'll follow wherever you want to go!"

Green headband, scar on his muzzle above his nose, wields a green flame-bladed sword-- trains with Zero to learns his sword style from him

Straight-forward, optimistic, and hot-headed at times-- outwardly, he's reminiscent of a shounen protag

The least experienced mercenary of the group and also the youngest, he's kinda like everyone's cute kohai <3

admires Zero ever since their first mission together (not just for his raw skill, but for his perseverance that made it look possible for hard work to mean something)

The first one who voiced his hesitation to follow Eggman, mostly because of his concern for Zero. Was also the quickest to be convinced by Zero

When it comes to self-improvement, he is quite serious about it, especially since he knows that he is the weakest link in the group. Deux and Zero have to remind him to take a break sometimes.

Became a mercenary simply because it was his dream job-- strong, free, and violent

The most resentful of the world in the group aside from Zero, despite what his usual demeanor suggests. He is passionate about what he likes and what he hates no matter what it is

Dislikes eating, drinking, and sleeping on the basis that he can't do anything to change that he needs to do it to live. No one in the group gets it.

If it wasn't obvious, he has a crush on Zero hehe

His wish would be to live in a world where no one is above him. If that were to happen, Zero being his equal is a given in his mind.

ZERO/INFINITE HCS

(NOTE: These are new if you saw this list on discord) "There is only one sin that holds meaning to a mercenary: weakness."

The leader of the Jackal Squad who wields a red sword. The tactician behind the squad's success

An orphan who was raised by a retired mercenary of great repute. He was taught how to use the sword and was trained as way to cement the mercenary's legacy before he passed away. He disappeared when Zero's progress didn't live up to his expectations. Zero did not try to find him.

Took dangerous jobs at a young age alone for a while. He became infamous because whenever he was in a group, he would always come out as the lone survivor. Still, he still got hired for his high success rate, despite being labeled as "cursed"

The formation of the Jackal Squad was a turning point in his life, and he struggled to open up to them for a long time due to his history with teams, but the squad proved him otherwise. Over time, his mannerisms changed from lifeless and robotic to abrasive and blunt

Is actually kind of laid back for a leader but only because the Jackal Squad as a group is one with little friction

Doesn't believe that he is the "Ultimate Mercenary" but desperately tries to play that role lest he lose everything that he had gained (in his mind)

Better at making connections than he thinks he is

Weak to both praise and failure and tries to conceal it. Success with the squad fed into his fragile arrogance, but any mistake or failure on his part sends him into a spiral.

He loves sweets even though he isn't particularly honest about it. He dislikes things that mess with his mind like alcohol or drugs

Zero is a name he gave himself, not by his mercenary mentor, and to him, that name became intrinsically tied to his identity as the "Jackal Squad's leader". Zero is nothing without his squad. He is uncomfortable with this fact.

Infinite is also a name he gave himself

His attachment to his squad created a strong "us vs the world" mentality

His real talent lied not in his raw strength but analysis-- whether it be assessing the battlefield or assessing the talents of others

He has poor imagination. This carries over to how he uses the Phantom Ruby

After his squad died, he buried all of them with his own hands deep within the forest where no one can find them. He didn't make proper graves-- believing that they wouldn't want their humiliating deaths to be acknowledged and assumed that they'd rather look like they had disappeared. "Zero" is symbolically buried with them.

He hates himself more than he could ever hate Shadow

Infinite was created after Eggman proposed having the Phantom Ruby implemented in him; the capabilities of the Ruby gave him hope

"Zero" resents Shadow, but because "Infinite" is supposed to throw away his past as the Jackal Squad's leader, he (tries) to throw away his hatred towards Shadow as well, taking his insults as face value truths after his breakdown was over.

He wants Shadow alive for the same reason Eggman wants Sonic alive.

After becoming Infinite, he dislikes sharing meals with others

His goal as Infinite is to be the person he promised/wants to be

He doesn't care about being used by Eggman.

He never been to an amusement park before

The Avatar/Gadget reminds him of his past self

[communistkenobi]

There’s a popular sentiment in political discourse that right wing extremist beliefs - shit like Qanon, but also often just like, antisemitism in general - are indicative of mental illness, or that these beliefs are pathological in origin. There are a lot of arguments against this, but a common one I see in progressive spaces is that this is an ableist argument to make (which is a reasonable response!). However, I don’t think this is persuasive enough on its own to convince people to stop framing it as a mental illness thing (or even why it’s ableist to begin with). I also don’t think people fully understand why it’s a factually incorrect claim, even if they know it’s a problematic framing of the issue. And so I want to attempt to give an explanation for why that framework is wrong, and why believing it will lead you to poor conclusions about political beliefs generally.

This is going to be a long post, so it’ll be going under a cut. If anything doesn’t make sense or people want shit clarified feel free to send me an ask/reply etc. This is primarily aimed at people who might know that it’s wrong to call Nazis or Qanon people mentally ill (even jokingly) but don’t understand why. This is not meant to be an exhaustive explanation, but I want to make a strong case for why it’s shitty to talk about ring wing views in this way.

I’m gonna first talk about disability and mental illness, and then talk a little bit about right wing beliefs - the goal here is to fully explain why it’s ableist, and then move into why it’s an incorrect argument more broadly. The primary sources for this discussion will be two books: one called Absent Citizens, which is a book about disability politics in Canada, and a book called The Authoritarian Personality, which is about a massive research project conducted in America after WWII with the aim of understanding the content and origin of fascistic beliefs. This isn’t going to be an academic essay or whatever, but I do want to draw on academic sources to frame this discussion. I think this is a complex topic that involves a lot of complicated shit and I want to hopefully clarify some of the dimensions of this issue.

why this argument sucks

To begin, I want to break down the argument that people who believe absurd things - like bleach as a cure for covid, for example - are mentally ill. There are a lot of hidden assumptions built into that claim that I don’t think people realize are there. I also think people react to and argue against those hidden assumptions, but they still often go unstated in discourse about the topic.

You often see this claim made against celebrities - Kanye is the most recent example, but Trump is a really common one too. And whatever actual diagnosed mental health issues they have, I’m going to set those aside for the moment, because I don’t think that popular discourse about them being mentally ill is actually about their specific, diagnosed mental illnesses. Kanye would still be antisemitic even if he did not have BPD, but the fact that he does have BPD provides people with a very handy rationalization to explain his horrific views. And if he didn’t have any diagnosed mental illnesses, I doubt that would stop people from claiming he’s mentally ill anyway (which I’ll talk about later).

So, this argument has a couple different assumptions built into it. First, it takes for granted the idea that there is a social and political orthodoxy which is normal, and to fall outside of that orthodoxy means your beliefs are pathological. Views deemed sensible and reasonable (generally centre right to centre left) are equated with mental well-being, and views that are deemed unreasonable are equated with mental illness. What this does is medicalize all political beliefs. Sufficient deviance from the societal norm is therefore a sign of mental instability.

What this also does is medicalize mental illness, which is to say it individualizes it. To make the claim that absurd or dangerous political views are a sign of mental illness is to make the argument that the origins of these views come from an individual, medical deficiency within a person. It ignores the social, economic, cultural, and historical circumstances for why someone may come to believe right wing conspiracy theories (I will explain this in more detail a bit later, so just bracket this for now).

And if you frame the problem of right wing conspiracy in this way, it informs political solutions for how to get rid of these conspiratorial views in society - if antisemitism is a mental illness, then mandated mental health tests that measure political deviancy, or the invention of new mental health diagnoses for right wing extremism, would be a viable solution, right? To take this claim seriously, it would mean inventing a new class of disability, a new type of pathologized person. And once you’ve created this category and placed people into it, what do you do with them? If their beliefs are a matter of neurological deficiency, does that mean they are incapable of being de-radicalized? Should they be put on special medication? Are they even responsible for their own beliefs if there is something wrong with their brain?

And like, this line of argumentation is bad! It’s a defeatist attitude (some people are just bad and there is nothing to be done about it), it makes political beliefs biological (some people are inherently good and others inherently bad), it ignores broader forces that may lead to someone believing these things, and it prescribes policy solutions that are eugenic in nature. If we just get rid of all the bad mentally ill people, society will be fixed. Which means we are now in a very similar political position to right wing beliefs about trans people, jewish people, people of colour, and, of course, disabled people.

The second issue is that it equates “normal” political views with mental fitness, which is often a (hidden) shorthand for moral fitness. This creates a view of society as something that is naturally good, a moral yardstick to measure everyone else by. People with absurd beliefs that shock the public are just not following the rules that will make them a good person. It leaves no room for a critique of those societal norms. Is the current political orthodoxy good? Is it a good yardstick to measure other people by? Is the current state of the world a morally and socially healthy society? What if you think it isn’t? Does that make you mentally ill too?

disability & mental health

I remember right after the 2016 American election there was a very intense focus in the media on Trump being mentally ill. He was charged with infecting the body politic with his mental instability. What this did was place him outside of history, positioning him as an alien invader on an otherwise healthy society. It did not account for the social and economic forces that led to him becoming a key political figure in American politics. It was an abdication of responsibility from mostly liberal people who did not want to confront the problems in society that existed far before Trump got into power, and indeed, allowed him to get there. If you could prove Trump was mentally ill, then that would mean the problem was just that - illness. So, to go back to an earlier point, when people point to Kanye’s bipolar disorder as a reason for his antisemitism, they are not making a medical diagnosis; they are removing his political beliefs from public discourse and placing them in the realm of mental pathology. It is a refusal to meet his beliefs as they exist, and instead insist that they exist outside of society. It also robs him of agency. Something outside of his control is making him do this; you can’t really blame him. It frames bigotry as something a person does without their knowledge or even consent. This external problem is to blame.

And finally, to synthesize these points, the idea that right wing bigotry is a symptom of of mental illness is making the argument that mental illness, and disability more broadly, are medical in nature. This is also a problem! Disability has for decades been seen by activists and academics alike as something that is not biological, or at least not completely. Since around the 70s or 80s, disability activism began pushing the social model of disability, which was in direct opposition to the biological (or medical) model of disability. The social model argues that disability is the product of an unfair and discriminatory society. Disabled people are not biologically broken; society purposefully excludes them.

I think a really instructive example to use to illustrate this is the built environment. Staircases are not naturally occurring phenomena; human societies build them, and there are certain assumptions that go into building stairs as opposed to ramps, or tiered walkways, or other configurations. The inability to climb a set of stairs does not indicate a biological deficit in a human being, the social model argues; it indicates that society is building a world that excludes disabled people from fully participating in it. Framing it this way, the solution to the problem isn’t to force everyone to use the stairs, it is to alter the environment so that it is accessible to everyone. Disability can either be exacerbated or minimized through social change. In the same way, there are a lot of social norms that exclude certain groups of people. Autistic people for example can find a lot of social norms to be confusing and difficult to navigate. It’s worth considering whether these social norms are useful to everyone, and whether it would be better to alter them the same way we might want to alter a staircase to include more people in public life. It’s not that these people are broken or incorrect, it’s that historical institutions, from social values to urban architecture, prescribe certain modes of travel, certain social relationships, that can be more or less harmful to certain groups of people. The same critiques can be made through a feminist lens, or an anti-racist one. What the social model of disability does is introduce the idea of disability as a social category, one that is not a biological destiny but a historically contingent position in society that can be improved through social change.

And more broadly, mental illness has a similar disadvantage. It’s framed as a medical issue, a problem that arises within individual people. Society isn’t the cause of social dysfunction, or depression, or personality disorders; your brain is just broken, and you need to learn how to fit into society better.

And so going back to the original claim, what you’re doing when you make that argument is A) medicalizing political beliefs, and B) accepting that an individualized medical view of mental illness is inherently correct and useful for understanding political conflict.

So that’s one reason why this framework is harmful. It also leads into the other major reason why this view is harmful - it prevents a structural analysis of right wing beliefs. If Kanye West’s antisemitism is a manifestation of his mental illness, this means that antisemitism is itself a medical condition. It comes from nowhere, or to be more charitable, it’s someone pathologically indulging in bigotry. In this framework, the source of the bigotry isn’t the problem; the person being too extreme about it is.

fascism

I’m going to talk about fascism now in a more theoretical way. I think even if you’re on board with everything I’ve said up to this point, it’s still hard to watch someone say something completely absurd and not think there is something mentally wrong with them. Like, who the fuck actually believes that giving your kids bleach or horse heart de-wormer will cure covid? How can bigots keep making claims about jewish people or trans people that are easily proven false every single time? You have to be mentally ill in some way to ignore reality that hard, right? But I want to caution people against framing this as mental illness, even if it’s difficult to find another explanation.

Fascism is a product of history. What I mean by this is that fascism is a response to large social forces, and when fascist movements are successful, they reinforce a lot of those existing social forces. Fascism often takes the form of political ambitions, such as the desire to take over a democratic government, but it goes deeper than that. In The Authoritarian Personality, Adorno (one of the authors) makes the argument that fascism is a particular response people have to the contradictions of capitalism - those contradictions being that you are supposedly this free agent able to make your own choices, yet are constantly crushed under the weight of the ruling class. Human beings are told they are free and yet are constantly alienated from other people as a result of class conflict. The book explores this claim at multiple scales, down to the level of individual families all the way up to society as a whole. We know, for example, that children in abusive households sometimes become abusive people themselves. Not always, or even often, but they sometimes do. Abuse also causes a lot of other, non-abusive social and emotional problems for children who grow up in these environments, often following them into adulthood. This is a particularly horrific environment that people respond in different ways to, and it produces a wide range of issues that people have to grapple with for the rest of their lives. In the same way, harmful societal forces illicit different responses in people, and sometimes, that response is a turn towards fascism.

Adorno describes fascism as an ideology of irrationality. A fascist is someone who embraces the contradictions of capitalism and makes contradiction a core component of their belief system. Or rather, fascism is a belief system that fully accommodates contradiction because of its irrational character. Fascism is often difficult to describe precisely because of this irrationality - in order to make sense of it you need to place it in a rational context, which runs the risk of over-intellectualizing or rationalizing it. This even came up in the methodology section of the book. The researchers couldn’t go around asking people if they were racist or antisemitic, for example, because a bunch of people would say no, even if they were explicitly racist and antisemitic people. In several of the interviews the researchers did, fascistic people would assert that they were not racist and then, in the literal next sentence, would say something horribly racist. And they found that fascistic people would repeat this pattern for many areas of their lives - deny a behaviour, even a trivial one, and then do that exact behaviour a few minutes later. This contradiction is so deeply embedded that it makes investigating what fascists actually believe difficult.

However, to try to give a broad overview, fascism is a singular fixation with power. The way power is distributed in society is along in-group/out-group lines. If you are part of the in-group (white, Christian, able-bodied, cishet, etc) you are deserving of power; if you’re not, then you must be dominated or destroyed. In order to realize this goal of white supremacist power, any belief or behaviour that will further this goal is advantageous, regardless of how truthful it is. This is part of the reason why a lot of right wing conspiracies sound so ridiculous - truth is not a quality that is valuable to them because it could interfere with the pursuit of power. In this framework, Qanon people asserting that ivermectin will cure covid are not making a factual medical claim; what they are doing is saying that the medical establishment cannot be trusted, that a deadly disease killing millions of people can be stopped with an over the counter remedy. Because if covid isn’t real, or is as mild as a seasonal flu, then the current government in power is making illegitimate demands on people to socially distance and wear masks, and therefore the only moral response is to overthrow them and install someone who will stop making those demands. You have to view all right wing conspiratorial claims not as factual but as strategic; you need to evaluate their claims based on what the proposed solution to the problem they’re presenting you with will be. If they’re claiming trans people are grooming children or assaulting people in bathrooms, then the obvious policy response is to bar trans people from any space that contains children or public bathrooms (ie, all public spaces). If Jewish people have undue influence in government, the obvious response is to remove all Jewish people from positions of power. And these are short term solutions - if these minorities are so disgusting that you need to shut them out of public life, the only real solution is to get rid of them entirely. It doesn’t matter that these accusations are demonstrably false; they are “true” to a fascist because they further their political and ideological goals. They have to be true for their power to be realized, and so by virtue of that they are effectively true to a fascist. (This is also why disproving their claims with facts don’t work; they aren’t interested in the truth of any of their claims, because truth is not something they value in their vision of society).

And they don’t even need to be dyed in the wool explicit fascists to be saying this shit! A good portion of this discussion has been about hidden assumptions in discourse. I do things without realizing the full consequences of my behaviour sometimes. Sometimes I don’t even know I’m “doing” something at all because it’s so embedded and normalized in society that it feels natural. I try to catch myself as much as I can to make sure I’m not doing something harmful, but everyone does it. Fascists are just as capable of this. And like, racism and bigotry are part of normal everyday society. The dedicated well-read fascists who know what they’re doing and the shallow incurious racists who just want to be assholes both peddle the same shit and it does the same harm; doing it unintentionally doesn’t make you mentally ill, and being mentally ill doesn’t mean you’re being racist through some kind of medical accident. These people are enacting their political beliefs through their words and behaviour, whether they know the full scope of those beliefs or not, and you should not diminish that agency by arguing that they’re misguided mentally ill people.

It’s also part of the reason why they will deny charges of bigotry. They aren’t necessarily lying to themselves, but they are attempting to exclude types of discourse that would harm their political goals. I’m not racist because racism is bad and what I want isn’t bad. I’m not racist because racism is undue bigotry against racial minorities and mine is fully justified. You can’t trust what they say, but you can trust their intentions, and their intentions are bad.

This post is extremely long already so I’ll wrap it up here. When you see people making outlandish, false, ridiculous claims about a minority group, remember that these people are not expressing mental illness. They are expressing dangerous political views and need to be shut down for political reasons. The status of their mental health is not relevant to solving the problem of bigotry. Laying the blame at the feet of mental illness is an error of both scope and origin; bigotry does not come from illness, it comes from a desire for power, and that is the thing that needs to be stopped.

[1ore]

question for yuri, the lastborn, and blighted trahearne—fave physical feature on each person (self & the others)?

(rubs my shitty little fly hands together)

Yuri

@ himself:

His legs, for running like hell when shit hits the fan LOL. He doesn't think about himself very much, but if you were to ask him, I think he would say something like that. There's an extra layer of significance to them, what with the Orrian diaspora living with one foot in the ocean and one on shore, not taking terra firma for granted, and being forced out of their homeland to wander abroad. Also this sentiment that the Museum of Walking impressed on me, that walking is like knowing a place, kissing the ground.

otherwise I think he might say his hair. It takes time to style and care for, so he must enjoy it on some level.

@ trahearne:

Impossible to narrow down to a single trait, and I imagine this will be a theme.

I think Yuri was arrested by Trahearne’s silently-amused/knowing eyes, after they met at Claw Island. The resting gay nod. A funny side-effect of meeting Trahearne in the middle of a crisis is that seeing him out-of-action for the first time comes as a surprise. Like, this is The Same Guy. It’s a far cry from his serious and sometimes grim Pact Marshal demeanor, but at the same time it's not really that different. (Aside: when Yuri realizes that this isn’t rare for him, he just finds himself so burdened with responsibility that he doesn’t have time to put it all aside, Yuri’s heart bweaks.)

Also his coattails and “second skin” of armor in general…….. Trahearne gets a kick out of it when Yuri sidles his hands under there, but I think Yuri gets inordinately excited. He loves ruffling his hair, his collar, the combination body hair / coat lapels that run down his chest, all of it.

Yuri also thinks Trahearne’s jawline and "beard" are so handsome. And when his pseudo-snakebites catch on his lips when they kiss. Well. That’s just what it’s all about, isn’t it

@ the lastborn:

Yuri was intimidated by the Lastborn’s attention because of a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is because he thinks the Lastborn is a beautiful person from toe to tip. Like YES he thinks Trahearne is unattainably handsome in his own way, but the Lastborn has an ethereal or fey-like quality to him that makes him truly untouchable to Yuri… Even though he’s been serving “Born on a mountain / raised in a cave / truckin’ and fuckin’ is all that I crave” since the moment they met.

If he had to point to specific areas, I think it would be his wrists, neck, and shoulders. They’re elegantly lithe but inelegantly lanky/gangly at the same time, in the way a fawn’s legs are. Also his stomach. I think the exposed area where his "coat" comes apart feels velvety soft, like the flat of an agave blade.

Yuri also gets a kick out of the Lastborn's yucca mane for concealing his body, the way clothes or armor otherwise would. Getting a flirty peek of collarbone feels special. It helps that the yucca blades are so sharp, he feels privileged when he’s allowed to be physically close with him.

Aaaaand his profile in general is handsome to Yuri, especially the broad curve of his nose and the way his eyelashes hang over his lidded eyes. He feels like the Lastborn is truly Seeing him, even when he’s just absently glancing at him.

Lastborn

@ himself:

His scar. I’m not sure how he gets it, but it’s probably from his time in the Nightmare Court. To him, it marks him as irreparably “broken” in the eyes of both the Grove and the Court—he is neither the Pale Tree’s perfect step-son, nor is he the Court’s little prophet-prince. He doesn’t belong to them anymore and he’s free to be his own dude.

@ trahearne:

🙄 You’re so vain. You probably think this post is about you. You’re so vain. (so vain.) I bet you think this post is about you, don’t you, don’t you?

Anyway. God. Where does he begin. I think the severity/sharpness of Trahearne’s features left an impression on the Lastborn, when they first met. Like, he had been fed such an idealized picture of The Firstborn ™ (good and bad.) It disarms him to realize that YES Trahearne has a presence and is handsome in his own way, but it’s a rugged handsomeness. He has nicks in his leaves and gnarled corking on his arms and his shoulders and elbows stick out at awkward angles, sometimes. This guy’s been all over, and he isn’t pristine like the Firstborn who stayed in the Grove.

This sentiment also allows him to help Trahearne, as he reconciles with the scars he got from battling Mordremoth. They give Trahearne a little bit of dysphoria, because they’re a painful reminder of his failures in Maguuma, and they're not what anyone imagines when they think of him. But the Lastborn met him so late in his life that they’re an indelible part of Trahearne's image, in his mind's eye. The Lastborn thinks of them the same way he thinks of his own scar--that they’re a visual reminder that he’s free to be his own dude now. And he also just thinks they’re hot LOL.

What else… That he’s a short twunk is endearing, sure, but I think the Lastborn genuinely loves what a solid little dude he is. In the same way that he loves how soft Yuri’s body is, it’s comforting to drape himself over someone who is physically sturdier? stronger? than him. When they start to get closer and Trahearne gets to be more physically affectionate with him, it really makes him feel held.

He’s also a little envious of his nighttime glow. The Lastborn doesn't have one, and it clearly identifies that something is "wrong" with him in the eyes of most Sylvari. But he also just thinks it suits Trahearne that he can always see him—however faintly— even when it gets dark.

@ yuri:

God. Not to be like this, but during their flight from Maguuma, I think the Lastborn saw Yuri’s warm eyes looking up at him with exhausted gratitude and felt something for the first time in years. The Lastborn is embarrassingly fixated on how warm and tender he is in general. Not just emotionally, but physically warm, soft, unarmed—no sharp edges on him, like there are on the Lastborn. He doesn’t have to restrain himself to be around other people, he can just be with them.

Also his scent LOL. Yuri is well-groomed, but I think the innate smell of his skin is novel and exciting to the Lastborn. He likes that he can smell him on his clothes or his bedding, and it doesn’t get lost the way his own scent might.

The Lastborn also has an oral fixation loves his mouth and nose, just the shape of his face in general. Again because there’s not a single hard edge on him, and because he thinks he's hot. But Also because he's charmed by how openly Yuri expresses himself, he smiles so widely and frowns so deeply. The Lastborn doesn’t have to guess what he’s thinking, it’s usually written on his face. He’s very honest in that sense.

Trahearne

@ himself:

Not sure if “favorite” is the word, but I think Trahearne has a complex relationship with the unarmored parts of his body. I think it reminds him of the vulnerability he felt, during those first hours he spent under the Tree, newly emerged. Just him and the whole wide world.

I think he also has a similar relationship with the ground as Yuri does, where keeping his feet and hands exposed keeps him in physical touch with his surroundings. He’s well-armored, but it’s a conscious choice not to close himself off completely.

@ yuri:

His hands. Sorry this is a basic answer for this audience, but I think they would have been the first point of physical contact for Trahearne. They were also the only part of Yuri’s body that was exposed (i mean, besides his face) when he was still wearing his Pact uniform. Trahearne was lucky enough to learn the rest of his body, but his hands were first.

After Yuri becomes a shambling war spirit, I think this fascination with his hands is re-awakened by the fire magic that Yuri stole from Balthazar. Trahearne would never admit it-- he knows what a fraught relationship Yuri has with Balthazar, and for a while, it’s difficult to see him as a pale shadow of the man he knew. He would also rather die than admit that, because it IS powerful magic, it feels physically good to him and to the Dragon. But still, he’s fascinated with Yuri’s control over it. It seems effortless for him to take command of something violent and unpredictable. Trahearne struggles to wrap his head around it, when he’s had to fight tooth and claw to control his own Mordy powers.

Trahearne loves all of him though, I think he takes quiet joy in giving and receiving physical affection. He's lucky that Yuri is a big guy with a lot of love to give. Getting a hug is like getting bodied, and there’s no shortage of chest or stomach real-estate to rest his head on.

@ the lastborn:

I think Trahearne shares a little bit in common with Yuri, in that he initially sees the Lastborn as someone he doesn’t know how to “be” around. But the similarities end there. For him, it’s because the Lastborn has always been framed as dangerous, strange, and other to him. His body was made for a desert far away from the Grove, with plants that arm themselves and shrink from the sun. They don’t aggressively associate with one another the way a forest understory does, so they seem to him to be unfriendly and inhospitable (if strangely beautiful.) This is very much how he feels about the Lastborn before they get to know each other, to the point that the Lastborn notices how unwilling Trahearne is to do his usual microgestures, like touching shoulders or grabbing hands, and this stings.

(The Lastborn was also created to chew on the roots of the Pale Tree with his weird little mandibles, so. that's a lot to take in.)

This changes bigtime when Trahearne starts to appreciate how much they have in common. I think he learns to love him truly, not for some austere beauty that exists “despite” his thorny exterior, but just as he is. The blighting pod exaggerated his own thorns and sharp edges, after all. They aren’t so incompatible with one another.

I think he also enjoys the Lastborn’s mane for the same reason Yuri does, and the same reason he finds Yuri undressing to be hot (removable clothes are a funnie concept to guy whose skin is also his clothes.) Tousling it, fussing with it, getting past it is a ritual. It’s always there to keep his hands busy while they gossip.

What else... Trahearne has a strong knee-jerk reaction to his scar, as well, because he initially sees the Lastborn’s face as a sole touchstone of familiarity. It reminds him that he's looking at the face of someone from the Grove, someone who is part of his family... And may or may not be strangely handsome in a way he doesn’t trust… But then the scar reveals his underlying mandibles, and the illusion is broken.

Later on, he realizes that he’s drawn to it more than he is pushed away by it, and this feeling supplants any feelings of repulsion/othering he used to have. The scar mostly reminds him of Malomedies. It seems terribly unfair that someone would do something so violent to him, and it would stay with him so permanently, but he is learning to appreciate it from the Lastborn’s perspective.

[enby-wrights]

i have not written marble hornets fanfiction in almost four years so let’s find out if i still enjoy writing it :D this is some mid season two masky and hoody interaction, i plan on making another shitty 1am thinkpiece about these two clowns but for now have some projection :) all you really need to know for now about my interpretations of these scrunkly motherfuckers is that masky is mostly not tim and is semi verbal, where as hoody is is mostly brian and is completely non-verbal. please enjoy maybe :)

content warning: weird religion stuff

“brian,”

brian looked down from the grooves in the brick wall he had been staring holes into for the past fifteen minutes, and his gaze locked onto tim, who was gazing blankly at the dark sky. 

“brian,” again, with a slightly different vowel shape.

ah. brian was familar with this game. tim was lying on his back at his feet, adjusting his mask so that the bottom edge of it sat on his chin and the eyeholes lined up with his line of sight. brian looked down at him patiently and listened as he felt through the words.

“brian. jury. observe. above”

this was something that tim did a lot, whenever he was out in the woods with brian: reciting a series of slow, muffled words that he deemed comfortable in his mouth. 

“raise. angel. beneath, beneath, below, aside.”

brian had even begun to notice the patterns in these moments. usually, it was a string of between twenty and forty words (the furthest outliers in brian’s memory were a case of fourteen and two separate cases of forty six). usually, the words were only one or two syllables. usually, a word or two would repeat. usually, the series would begin with brian’s name.

“flood. tile. slip. bark. kite. lake. see.”

usually, brian’s name would appear a few times.

“exe- exce- except?” tim recoiled at that. that one must have been wrong.

“excerpt. exodus. ark. lace. brian. tide, tide. excerpt, tide, excerpt.”

it was easy to tell when tim was nearly done with the game: he would begin to repeat himself without any changes in shape. just the same words repeated exactly the same way. 

“leave. excerpt, tide. exodus. angel. angel. angel. angel.”

there was a silence. sharp black eyeholes turned in the general direction of where one would assume brian’s eyes might be. brian knew what it meant.

well, then?

as usual, brian didn’t have a response. tim was asking him for his thoughts, and he didn’t quite have those. not the kind that translated into words or sentiments. he mostly just had an ache settled deep in the center of him-- warm, throbbing, and dripping where it sat.

the ache said, i am much more than an angel.

the ache said, i am so far beyond divine, and yet so far below it.

the ache said, i am the ocean and the exodus and the word. i have the blood of a lamb and the teeth of a snake and i have lain in the lord’s soil with his very son.

brian looked down at tim’s mask, still worn incorrectly so that he could look straight up at brian. the night was silent and still and uncharacteristically empty. they would be found soon, and when the morning came, tim would not ache like brian, but he would at least hurt, and then they would have one pain in common. tim would hurt, and he would look toward brian for help, through two wide, black holes in a cheap plastic mask so ill-fitting that he had to crane his neck just to see straight through the eyeholes.

if brian were someone else, he probably would have laughed.

[xxgoldenheart]

notes on my game’s main cast:

(keep in mind that this story is a WIP so many details are undecided, such as their specific ages and details in their backstories, and may change in the future)

ROWAN (protagonist):

- he/they (prefers to usually be referred to as ‘he’)

- a knight in his late 20s

- responsible (he’s a knight so he kinda has to be…)

- has a good relationship with his family and friends

- wanted to become a knight just like his big sister wanted ever since they were little

- LOVES birds. loves to get up early to go bird watching

- is a bookworm but most of the books he reads are about birds

- he has like 10 notebooks that he draws birds and writes about them as he goes bird watching

- he himself has a bird !! and said bird comes along during the game’s story despite him trying to leave it in his parents’ care at their house

- SUPER sentimental. mf has an earring thats literally his bird’s feather that fell out once.

- biggest want: to bring justice to all those who deserve it!! and protect the kingdom

- biggest fear: failure, just in general. he doesnt want others to suffer due to his own mistakes

WILLOW (rowan’s sister):

- she/her

- a knight, three years older than rowan

- responsible-er than rowan

- has a good relationship with her family and friends

- had some really shitty friends at one point so she now has trust issues. she has like. 1 knight friend aside from rowan and beau bc of this

- LOVES cats

- has vitiligo so she saw a cat with vitiligo when she was little and pointed it out to her parents excitedly and was like “look!! that cat looks like me!!” and thus her cat obsession begins

- now that she is an adult, she has a calico cat!! and its 2 years old <3

- LOVES baking. not cooking, but baking. bread, pastries, whatever, she loves baking it.

- you walk into her home at 8 in the morning with the scent of fresh bread wafting through the house

- she would be a plant mom if she had more time but she’s busy enough as is

- due to being busy she often leaves her cat in her parents’ care (rowan does the same with his bird)

- biggest want: protect her loved ones. JUST her loved one. there could be an infant on fire and she would still run to rowan first even if he just had a scraped knee (this is an exaggeration i promise)

- biggest fear: loved one (rowan, beau, her cat, rowan’s bird, her parents, or her knight friend) dying

BEAU (rowan and willow’s childhood best friend):

- he/him

- knight same age as rowan

- SO IRRESPONSIBLE how on earth did this man become a knight

- struggles to take serious things seriously (humour is his coping mechanism)

- is in denial whenever anything bad happens ever

- he grew up rich and his dad disapproved when he decided to become a knight alongside rowan and willow instead of inheriting the family business

- his relationship with his parents is a little strained bc of this but they still get along most of the time and love each other

- cares a LOT about fashion (when hes not working ofc)

- he has the BIGGEST wardrobe it’s literally overflowing bc he spends so much money on new clothes and so much time sewing his own clothes

- he constantly makes new clothes for rowan and willow <3

- loves snakes!! they go hsssssss but they make excellent sentient necklaces and look so adorable in tiny hats

- is NOT a morning person. 8am? five more minutes. 9am? five more minutes. 10am? five more minutes. 11am? five more minutes. 12pm? ok maybe he’ll get up now but first, five more minutes

- biggest want: to get with rowan !! he has the biggest crush <3

- biggest fear: getting crushed by a tree

[palms-upturned]

.

[mooniefics]

— in the grand scheme of things [ 1 ]

pairings : zeke jaeger / reader, referenced eren jaeger / reader

word count : 8.4k

tags : unhealthy relationships, relationship discussions, implied cheating, drinking, break ups, eventual smut, praise kink, mutual infidelity, dubious morality, love triangles

warnings : contains nsfw, sexual coercion, intoxicated reader, rlly toxic behavior

summary : you and eren hadn't been doing the best these past few months, and no one that you knew seemed to have any answers for you, or pointers in the right direction. who better to offer you some sound, insightful relationship advice than his older brother. or so you thought.

note : i apologize if the text convoformatting is a little yucky, i pinky promise it looked wayy better on ao3 (//▽//)

— originally posted 1 / 20 / 21 on ao3 —

you would reluctantly admit that you and eren had been experiencing a few issues as of recently.

it was the run-of-the-mill turbulence: ignored texts and phone calls, unexplained hostility, hanging around with your shared group of friends—more his than yours—without you. you'd been able to ignore it around midterms, being so busy with studying and getting all your family affairs in order for the end of the year that you didn't have much time to worry about how he hadn't bothered to respond to your "happy new year, baby!!!" message you'd sent days ago.

but winter break came and went with no reply from him, you spent christmas and new years in the company of your parents, who couldn't seem to keep quiet about asking about "that jaeger boy". you couldn't really blame them for their questions, you'd been friends for nearly four years now, in a relationship since the night of senior prom, even followed each other to the same university with a few other high school friends just to stay close. the summer that preceded your first year of college was so full of love and life, celebrating your newfound freedom that you had always thought would come with adulthood. but you supposed that it was just the hopeless romantic in you talking, it was called the honeymoon phase for a reason.

consulting his best friends about his sudden detachedness yielded nothing—mikasa had never held much besides poorly hidden disdain for you, and all armin had to offer was nervous glances over to the uninterested girl as he assured you that he was probably stressed about his classes, or had another disagreement with his mother about his choice of major, just excuse after excuse for his friend's behavior. you were feeling desperate. you had little desire to break things off, to throw away nine months of commitment despite how your relationship had soured. you were in love with him, and he hadn't explicitly expressed that he wanted to end things, just left you out of the loop for a bit, nothing that couldn't be fixed with a nice long conversation over dinner, right?

but how could you reach him if he wouldn't answer your calls, if his friends only seemed to want to placate you rather than actively help, you felt like there was nobody to turn to—except him.

zeke, the ever-elusive older brother. you'd met him upon one of your first visits to eren's house, a brief, somewhat awkward exchange when you'd ventured into the kitchen by yourself to grab a few things for your friends in the living room. he'd startled you when you turned out of the pantry to find him standing by the fridge, eyeing you and your armful of chip bags curiously, only wearing a pair of thin-framed glasses and grey sweatpants, revealing the sculpted expanse of his muscular arms and torso, an unopened can of beer in his hand.

"you one of eren's friends?" he'd asked, cracking open the tab and taking a generous gulp.

you replied with a quick nod, adding a sheepish "yup..! everyone else is in the living room, i'm on snack duty" with a shaky smile.

he chuckled, shaking his head and running a hand through his shaggy blonde hair. "typical eren. 'm zeke, good to meet you."

he didn't bother to ask your name before he disappeared into the adjacent hallway, the distant sound of a shutting door finally letting you release the breath you didn't know you'd been holding. that was how a majority of your exchanges went over the last few years, the longest conversations you'd had was when he'd offered to help you on your physics homework more than a couple times, his number was only in your phone because of the one time you'd worn the teeshirt of a band he happened to like and he wanted to send you a playlist. there were plenty of things you didn't know about him, but he was eren's older brother—half-brother, if you wanted to get technical—and after seeing the deflective nature of his closest friends, zeke seemed to be your next best option.

so now you were here, nervously standing at the door to his new apartment, dressed nicely so you didn't risk making a bad impression after not having seen him all these months. he seemed sympathetic over the phone when you'd called him last night, not minding how you'd contacted him out of the blue or that it was only for the sake of asking something of him, inviting you to discuss things more thoroughly over dinner. you didn't know whether he'd extended a helping hand for his brother's sake or your own, but you would be grateful no matter what if he gave some sound advice and a few words of reassurance.

you were startled out of your thoughts by the sound of the lock unlatching, the door swinging open to reveal zeke, smartly dressed in a pair of dark jeans and dress shirt, the top few buttons left undone. "sorry if i kept you waiting," he said, stepping aside to allow you in, "dinner's just about ready."

"no worries." you replied quickly as you slipped off your heels, hoping the heat warming your face wasn't flushing visibly on your cheeks.

he had always been a good-looking guy, an effortless sort of attractiveness that was only magnified by the relaxed yet perceptive air he carried. but he'd changed since that day you first met—his shaggy hair had been trimmed back into a shorter, more manageable style, the usual scruff of facial hair had grown out into a well-maintained beard, frames that similarly complimented his handsome features perched on the bridge of his nose. flashing a polite smile, you stepped into the apartment, trying not to let your anxiety get the better of you as the door was shut and locked behind you.

"nice place." you mused, peering about at the spacious, well-decorated interior as you followed beside him.

"thanks, honestly i'm glad i could find someone that was willing to split the rent," you felt nerves stir in the pit of your stomach, the thought of having to meet the other tenant leaving you feeling a bit uneasy. he turned down to glance at you, grey eyes glinting as he offered you an easy grin, "you don't have to worry about my roommate, i kicked him out for the night so you didn't feel uncomfortable."

you were sure the blush on your face was evident now, biting at the inside of your cheek as you both entered into the kitchen. "oh.. thank you. sorry if i caused any trouble, i know this was kind of last minute."

"no worries." he echoed your earlier sentiment, motioning you to the table just beside the kitchen before he returned to the skillet on the stove. the warm scent of coriander and turmeric filled the air as he lifted the lid and set it aside on the counter, stirring the simmering contents within. "hope you like curry," he said over his shoulder, turning down the gas on the stove and opening up the cabinet beside him to pull out the plates, "i didn't make it too spicy, just in case."

"i don't really eat it too often, but it smells amazing."

you felt yourself starting to relax into the chair, shedding your jacket and hanging your purse on the side of the chair as you watched him scoop a generous portion of white rice onto each plate. it was just you two here, he was willing to help, and you were incredibly grateful for his hospitality.

you pulled your phone out of your pocket to fiddle with while he was still plating the food, aimlessly tapping through your apps to kill some time. your text to eren from a few days ago still read "delivered", and you felt a slight twinge prick in your chest as you closed out of your messages, opting to scroll through your feed on one of the few social medias your friends had convinced you to download. it was relatively safe to look there, seeing as eren didn't post all that often, if at all, but seeing everyone your age, people that you knew from your classes posing with their boyfriends and girlfriends and going out on excursions with their peers made you feel jealous. you couldn't have imagined what you had done to deserve such a shitty situation.

your thoughts were interrupted by the dull clink of the plate being set before you, the clatter of silverware following as he rounded over to the opposite side of the table to place his things down. you switched your phone on silent just in case, tucking it back into your purse and sitting up a bit straighter in your chair. but instead of sitting down, he wandered back over to the kitchen, reaching up into a different cabinet to fetch two glasses.

"i'm assuming talking about your relationship troubles isn't the easiest, so pick your poison. i've got gin, tequila, beer—" he listed off the myriad of drinks he had at his disposal, pausing to throw you a glance. "but i honestly pegged you as a vodka kind of girl."

you felt a nervous giggle bubble up in your chest, fingers twisting in your lap, feeling more than juvenile as you replied. "i'm still under twenty-one, so i'm not really much of a drinker.."

"come on, you're in college now," he said, pulling a bottle of vodka from one of the lower cabinets and stepping over to the fridge, "most of the people hosting parties don't give much of a shit whether you're of legal drinking age or not, and i've got a feeling that you really don't either. i know i got shit-faced plenty of times during my freshman year."

you mentally debated the principles of accepting, he was right in saying that you had attended plenty of parties where you drank with your friends, suppressing a grimace at the memories of you throwing up in a stranger's bathroom while an equally drunk historia or sasha held your hair back. but those times you'd been looking to get wasted, drinking in this context would just be for the sake of loosening up, easing the sting of ripping off the metaphorical bandaid that was the thought of your relationship slowly crumbling right before your eyes.

"you're right," you relented, much to his delight, "and, yes, i guess i am a vodka kind of girl."

you didn't appreciate how charming the grin your words garnered was, fixing your eyes on the steaming plate of chicken curry in front of you before you could embarrass yourself. you were here to figure out how to smooth things over with your boyfriend, not oogle at his unnecessarily attractive older brother.

"here, something simple to start you off." he set down the glass on your place mat, finally taking his seat across the table, "there's plenty of ginger beer and limes in the fridge, and plenty of vodka still left."

you stole a glance at his drink. "whiskey, on the rocks.. how refined."

he gave a low chuckle at your sarcasm, taking a slow sip. "it's an acquired taste, i wouldn't expect someone your age to appreciate it." that was right, he was older than you, significantly older than you. just because you were legally an adult didn't mean your life experience could crop up to zeke's.

"old man." you murmured, a small smile perking up at both of your lips as you spooned some of the curry and rice into your mouth, "wow, thi' i' really gu'!" you managed to speak around the mouthful of food, grey eyes watching you intently with an obvious bemusement from across the table.

"i'm glad you like it. guess those years working at a couple restaurants around town weren't a complete waste." he said, tasting his own bite of the food, "cumin's a little off, hope you can forgive me for that."

"are you kidding me? this exceeds restaurant quality. i can barely put eggs in a pan without burning the kitchen down."

you were nearly a quarter through your plate already, setting your utensil down to take a sip of the drink he'd made for you. it was simple, bubbly, a nice mix of ginger, vodka, and lime to cool off your tongue. you could barely taste the alcohol, which somewhat eased your worries of becoming a drunken mess that required him to babysit you for the rest of the night.

you were both silent for a moment, the air occupied with the scrape of spoons and quiet sips from your respective glasses, and you were beginning to dread ruining such an easy mood with the topic of your emotional turmoil. but zeke beat you to the punch, clearing his throat as he settled his gaze onto you.

"so, you and my brother. you wanted to talk about that, right?"

you allowed yourself to frown a bit, taking a generous sip of your drink before you answered. "yeah. i don't really know where to start.."

"when did you first start noticing problems?"

you felt somewhat eased by his calm tone, bright grey eyes that were entirely focused on you, wordlessly reassuring you that you could trust him with this. you'd come this far, there was no point in trying to back out now.

"well, i guess it was around november." you began, scraping all of the food left onto one side of your plate to keep your hands occupied, "we'd all met up for halloween, me and eren and mikasa and armin—" you prattled off the other names of your friends, even some that you weren't sure he knew from your high school days, but he nodded along all the same. "and we all had an amazing time. got all dressed up, wandered around campus and crashed in on the frat parties, drank ourselves stupid, like you said. and at one point i just completely lost track of eren, and i didn't see him or anyone else besides sasha, connie, and mina for the rest of the night. after that, he kind of dropped off the face of the earth, wouldn't pick up my calls or answer my texts, always told me he was busy when we ran into each other on campus, and he wasn't at his dorm most of the time i came to try and check on him."

by the end, you'd finished off your drink, zeke wordlessly getting up to grab everything to pour you a new one without you asking. you were more flustered at his attentiveness, forcing yourself to chalk it up to him being an excellent host as he returned with a freshly opened can of ginger beer, pouring it over the ice in your glass and adding at least two shots of vodka, finishing it off with half a lime before returning to his seat. had he put that much alcohol the last time?

the thought slipped your mind as he swallowed a few spoonfuls of curry and spoke. "hmm.. so everything was going just fine, and then all of a sudden radio silence?"

you nodded, working on your remainder of rice, watching his face take on a pensive expression.

"if i'm being honest, eren has always been a little shithead." you suppressed a giggle at that. "he's rude, he's immature, and most of all, he's a terrible liar."

"mhm, the ears are a dead giveaway." you added, earning a grin over the rim of his glass.

"exactly. my stepmom— his mom always called him on his shit with that." you shared a moment of laughter at that, the memory of how defensive he would get over in when you'd first pointed it out making you feel a distant nostalgia creeping in the back of your mind.

you remembered how easy the days where all you had to worry about was catching up on all your late work and forcing yourself to learn about nintendo games for the sake of impressing your crush. now on top of school, you had bills and parties and shitty professors and an even shittier situation with your first long-term relationship that had started off so well yet devolved into feeling like you were a million miles away despite living on the same campus.

"so, eren is a shithead. and a terrible liar. go on." you took a long sip of your drink, unable to distinguish the warmth of the alcohol from the warmth of the curry in your stomach.

"well, he's just— how do i say this..." zeke murmured the last bit more to himself than you, pushing up his glasses on his nose and scratching the back of his neck, "he doesn't know a good thing when he sees it." you felt your heart skip at that. "like that mikasa girl, her and eren have been friends since grade school, and never once in all those years has eren ever acknowledged the way she's fuckin' head over heels for him." the mention of mikasa made you feel a sharp pang echo through your chest, suddenly feeling much more disheartened than before, especially at the mention of her perpetual affinity for him.

"but, i do have to give the kid some props," he continued, taking a sip of his whiskey, "at least he had enough of a brain to realize that you're a real catch. if i'm being honest, you're out of his league, and when you first started dating, he knew that."

you couldn't tell if your face was feeling hot because of his words or the fact that you'd just finished off your second drink in one long gulp, already reaching for the unopened ginger beer and vodka. blinking away the glassiness starting to settle over your vision, you met his gaze, suddenly feeling much smaller before him. he waited until you'd finished refilling your drink before he began again, not saying anything about how you'd accidentally poured much more vodka than you meant to.

"i think eren's problem is that he's getting too cocky," your appetite was starting to disappear as you focused on his words, still trying to finish what was left on the plate, "doesn't know his ass from his elbow, but he still thinks he's got everything figured out. you know what i mean, right?"

you nodded with an affirmative hum, a series of incidents that made you want to rip the boy's head off flashing through your mind only added credence to his claim. your tongue was starting heavy in your mouth, movements sluggish as you washed away what was left of dinner with more of your drink. you hadn't been truly drunk in months, not since that halloween party, only indulging in the occasional mimosa over breakfast with your family and your celebratory champagne for new years.

you hoped the heaviness weighing at your lids didn't show on your face, or that your words didn't string together when you replied. "i know exactly what you mean, can't imagine how hard that was to deal with for the last nineteen years."

he chuckled, finishing off his whiskey. "i've saved that kid's ass more time than i could ever care to count. being the older brother is a thankless fuckin' job if i've ever seen one. you done with dinner?"

"yeah. thank you again, it was amazing."

he grinned at your praise, rising from his seat as he spoke. "here, table's kind of crowded, we can move to the couch. i'll take care of dishes later. you want a refill?"

"sure." you responded before you could really think about your answer, trying to subtly steady yourself on the table as you got to your feet, head already starting to spin.

blinking away the blurriness fuzzing at the edges of your vision, you wandered past him through the kitchen and into the adjacent living room, falling into the cushions of the couch before you could trip up over your own feet. you felt embarrassed by your lack of tolerance, but felt some of that tension ebb away when he made his way over to sit next to you, fresh glass of ginger beer and vodka in hand. you didn't expect to feel the warmth of his thigh pressing into yours when he settled down, placing your drink on the coffee table before he turned down to speak to you.

"alright, i haven't said much in the way of advice, so here's what i think."

you grimaced internally, reaching over with an unsteady hand to grab your glass and take a long sip to brace yourself for his thoughts. you weren't expecting that it would be an easy pill to swallow, he'd probably be realistic about things and tell you to just suck it up and break things off while you could still maintain a shred of dignity.

"i know this is probably not what you want to hear, but i really think you should break up with him."

your lips pressed into a thin line, partly from his assertion but mostly because of the burn of alcohol sliding down your throat. there was definitely much more vodka in this than there should be, but you didn't want to seem weak before him, trying not to shudder as you continued to take small, fast sips.

you nearly spat it up on yourself when his hand settled on the skin of your thigh exposed by your skirt, wide eyes raising to meet his intent gaze. "don't tell me you think a guy that ditches you for just about three months now is worth your time, even without everything else considered."

"everythin' else?" your words were starting to slur together, but you still tried to drown out the dread tangling in your gut with the bubbling contents of the glass.

"you haven't figured it out yet, have you.." he faltered, a slight frown drawing across his lips when you gave a hesitant shake of your head, sighing as he pulled his glasses off of his nose and folded them neatly to place on the coffee table. "think about it; he disappears on you while he was drunk at a party, most likely with hanging around alone with the female friend that's clung onto him for a majority of his life, and then after that night he just completely gives you the cold shoulder, avoids you every time you try and come talk to him, like he's running away from you." he paused, adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "like he's hiding something."

you felt your heart sink, biting firmly down on your bottom lip, a thick lump forming in your throat, eyes stinging. "s-so, you're saying th-that—"

you couldn't blink away the first tears as they dribbled down your cheeks, choking back a small sob. he carefully took the nearly empty glass from your hands and replaced it on the coffee table, you could make out the expression of pity drawn across his handsome features through your watery gaze. you didn't protest when the arm closest to you moved to wrap around your waist, the other curling around your shoulder and drawing you against him. restrained sniffles gave way to hiccuped sobs, your own hands linking around his neck and squeezing him tighter against you as you wept out into the empty air behind him.

normally you would've put on a brave face, maybe excused yourself to the bathroom to let out a few silent tears before you returned to thank him and stammer out some excuse to leave and spend the rest of the night wallowing on your own. but the alcohol had melted away any barriers you would've put up against zeke's compassion, made you crave the security his warmth provided as he pressed his face into your shoulder, a large, gentle hand rising to stroke over the crown of your head. he let you cry on your own for a while, not minding how your fingers clutched tightly at his shirt or how your snot and tears wet the pale fabric, petting your hair and rubbing soothingly over your shuddering back.

your adjacent thighs were nearly overlapping each other, but all you could think of was how your hammering heart felt like it was one beat away from bursting at the seams, the dim glow of the lamp in the corner that blurred into a shapeless ball of light, his steady breath fanning across the skin of your neck.

"that asshole doesn't deserve you." he murmured, voice low as his lips ghosted over your shoulder, strong arms fastening their hold around you.

you couldn't help but shudder at the feeling as you sniffed, swallowing down the tension balling in your throat before you managed a shaky reply. "h-he's your brother, i thought you'd b-be on his side.."

"what makes you think i'd be on his side after hearing how he treated you?" his fingers worked their way deeper into your hair, palm cradling the back of your head. you forced yourself not to squirm when his face nestled further into the crook of your neck. "you deserve someone mature, someone who can treat you right.. someone who can make you feel good..."

you let out an alarmed breath at the feeling of a soft kiss over your skin, then another, posture stiffening as your grasp around his neck slackened. "wait, i c-can't," you started, the sudden sensation of his fingers sinking into your waist and drawing you closer against him making you lose your words for a moment, "i haven' officially broken up with eren, just because he might've ch-cheated on me doesn't mean-"

"there's no use trying to deny what he did.. what's done is done, you need to do what's best for you—right here, right now." his voice lowered even further, barely a whisper as he implored, "what do you want to do?"

you bit back a weak sound when his tongue drew a slow lick over the sensitive skin, the involuntary heat stirring between your legs making your thighs clench. this was wrong, you shouldn't be here, you shouldn't be letting this happen, an endless stream of muddled thoughts flashed through your mind as you desperately searched for some sort of excuse to buy yourself a few more moments to think. a distant memory popped into your head, the blurry mental image of zeke with his arm draped around a dark-haired woman when you'd dropped by to visit eren just before you'd both moved in on campus.

"g-girlfriend!! don't you have a girlfriend?!" you blurted desperately, a small whimper slipping out of you as he gave a brief suck over your pulse.

"girlfriend?" he paused his motions, chuckling lowly and giving a small shake of his head when he realized who you were thinking of, "oh, pieck? i'd hardly call her a girlfriend, just an old buddy. honestly, it's no wonder you got stuck in this sort of situation, you manage to find an excuse for everything."

you couldn't ruminate on his patronizing tone for longer than a moment before he returned to kissing at the sensitive skin of your neck, testing the waters of your resilience. you were afraid of your responsiveness to his touch, your body's unabashed honesty, afraid of how your protests had devolved into uncertain whimpers and shifts in your seat.

"good girl," he murmured, sending a jolt of heat racing up your spine, "see how easy that was? this is what you want, isn't it?"

you allowed the fingers in your hair to gently tug your head back, exposing more skin to his eager mouth as he teased a bite just under your jaw, drawing a soft whine and an even deeper flush of heat over your cheeks from you. your movements were sluggish, limbs leadened with inebriation falling down easily when he urged you down onto your back. in one slow blink he'd settled on top of you, warm lips melded easily against your own as his fingers began to work at unbuttoning your blouse.

maybe he was right, maybe you just needed to accept that you and eren's time had come to pass and indulge in what you really wanted—and now that he'd made it an option, what you really wanted right now was to feel the warmth of his bare flesh on yours, taste more of the whiskey on his breath as his tongue slid between your teeth, replace every hint of eren that still resided on your skin with his scent of expensive cologne. you could already feel the ache of a forming bruise at the base of your neck, fingers messily tangling in his hair and back arching up to his hands when they began to smooth across your chest, snaking under your body to undo the clasp of your bra.

"you never told me what exactly you wanted, baby.." he murmured over your lips, low-lidded eyes meeting yours, "do you want us to just kiss, or do you want me to touch you?"

"touch me, please.." you mumbled restlessly, quickly becoming impatient with the fact that his hands had halted after slipping the straps of your bra free from your arms and tossing it somewhere behind him to be forgotten.

but even after you answered, he didn't continue, a smug smirk tugging at his lips as he gazed down at you. "and then what after that? do you want me to touch you here? his fingers ghosted over the swell of your breasts. "or here?" one hand trailed down the length of your abdomen, forefinger just barely hooking onto the waistline of your skirt and giving it a teasing tug.

"zeke." you whined in frustration, mind foggy with lust and alcohol, uncoordinated hands wrestling with his shirt despite not having undone the buttons first, "you're being mean.."

"sorry," he said without a hint of remorse in his voice, only pride as he returned his hands to your chest, "you're just too easy to tease, so responsive, i'd never get bored of playing with you."

you took it as a compliment, as praise, rather than what it really was. it was easier to think of it like flattery in the moment, to push the obvious reminder that his brother had gotten bored of you out of your mind. despite the implication of such a statement, you couldn't help the odd sense of safety you found in such an equivocal intimacy, hazy, not sound of mind, not entirely yourself as you offered him your body, his to kiss and grab and bruise if only for the night.

you hummed with approval when his lips trailed down to the valley of your chest, fingers sinking into the soft flesh of your breasts, but making a point to avoid your nipples, only further denying you the stimulation that you thought he'd finally assured you with that last arrogant taunt. you could feel his smile on your skin, nearly huffing at the realization that you couldn't squeeze your thighs together to give yourself some friction with him positioned between them like he was, buzzing with warmth yet entirely unfulfilled.

"patience is a virtue.." he murmured sagely, unfazed by your second sound of annoyance.

"what about trying to fuck your brother's girlfriend is virtuous." you bit back, momentary anger leaving you in a surprised pant as he gave a gentle tug to one of your nipples.

"ex-girlfriend." he corrected after a quiet chuckle at your forthrightness, mouth closing around the pert bud not being rolled between his slender fingers.

you moaned out a soft curse, hand threading back into his thick hair and pressing him further against you. the fog that had been momentarily sobered clouding your senses once more, hips rutting up into nothing as he worshipped your skin with his lips, teeth, and tongue. you felt the spark fully reignite when one hand moved back down your stomach to wrestle with the button of your skirt, the zipper sliding down easily after it was undone, fingers delving under the loosened waistline to palm at you through your underwear. he pulled away from your nipple with one last gentle bite over the tender skin, low voice at a husky mutter.

"have you ever had sex before?"

you quickly nodded down at him, seeing your own dazed stare reflected in his darkened eyes, pupils almost entirely overtaking the cool grey.

"was it with him?"

you swallowed thickly, suddenly finding yourself unable to meet his gaze, turning away to focus on your long finished drink on the coffee table, ice already half melted in the sweating glass. "yes." you barely whispered.

"was it good?"

you bit the inside of your cheek, blinking fast, trying to dispel the blanket of unease that was quickly settling over you, suffocating you. you only answered with a non-committal shrug, feeling your face burn with a humiliation that he couldn't have thought such a line of questioning would have not inspired.

he maintained a steady gaze with you for a moment longer, lowering his head back to rest at your shoulder without another word and picking a place on your neck to bite and lick at, fingers rubbing slow circles over the drenched fabric beneath them. a small moan bubbled up in your chest, squirming at just the easy attention over your clit, lids falling shut as your head sank back into the cushioned arm of the sofa.

you sighed out a small whimper of relief when he finally tugged your underwear to the side, fingers instantly slicking with your arousal when they met your bare skin, sliding in with little resistance. he'd started out with just two, but the incessant desire to be filled was quelled for the moment with them, drawing a pathetic mewl out of you when they curled just right within you.

"are you always this excited?"

another question you didn't know the honest answer to, but you shook your head anyways, accompanying it with a weak "n-no" to stroke his ego like you knew he wanted you to. you went stiff with a sudden tension when felt a third finger prodding at your pussy, eyes flying back open as you made a disconcerted sound of protest.

"relax.." he murmured into your shoulder, biting softly over one of the fresher marks, "if you can't handle this, how can you take me?"

you took a shaky breath, taking your bottom lip between your teeth as you let your thighs fall open a bit more, doing your best to not clench your muscles. and you could feel how he let out a low groan over your skin when he finally slipped in all three, burying them knuckle-deep, rewarding you with a smattering of open-mouthed kisses across your bruised flesh.

"good girl. good girl." he nipped at your jaw, adjusting the speed of his wrist to match how your hips rolled up to meet his hand, the pad of his thumb rolling firmly over your clit.

you could feel that warm knot in your stomach tangling further, the tantalizing thought of release ebbing every bit of trepidation out of you as you allowed your moans and whines to spill out into the open air, heels digging into the felt of the couch around him. but just moments before you could find your high, his touch gone, and he was rising off of you to sit back on his calves, absentmindedly wiping the wetness from his fingers away on his pants, making quick work of his shirt, standing briefly to kick off his pants and help you out of your displaced bottoms before he settled back over you.

your skin was hot with need against his own, arm linking around his sturdy back and pressing his lips back over yours, letting him guide one leg up against his side as he lined himself up with you. you squeaked when you felt the tip of his cock press into you, hands bracing themselves on his shoulders, wide, unfocused eyes gazing up at him for some sort of reassurance. and that sense of security filled your heaving chest, that knowing look he focused solely on you, only made for you in this moment, forehead pressed to yours, breath fanning over your lips.

a strained, shuddering whine broke from your throat as he eased himself inside of you, inch by inch, barely able to hold your eyes open enough to maintain his fixed stare, mouth falling open in a feeble attempt to gasp back in all the air he'd pushed out of you.

"fuck." he growled lowly, fingers sinking almost painfully into the thigh in his grasp, trying to fit his body as close as it could possibly be to your own.

another sound rumbled out of him from deep in his chest when your nails dug into the firm muscle beneath them, hungry, greedy lips capturing yours. his pace was mercifully slow, given that he was probably just as eager for his own release as you were for yours, but the overwhelming fullness that you felt each time his hips met yours drove whatever tiny breath you'd been able to catch between his kisses.

you spread your legs as far as the narrow space of the couch allowed it, whimpering, feeling how you were already making a dripping mess of your thighs and the fabric beneath you. your heart was practically beating out of your chest, so loud in your ears that you wouldn't be surprised if he could hear it too, his mouth catching every pant and moan he drew from you, the steady pace of his movements falling away into an ardent, frenzied rhythm. his mouth strayed back to your neck, grunting and biting into the abused flesh, and without the barrier to muffle your sounds you were whining out into the open space of the apartment, gasping in the air humid with your shared arousal, nails scratching down his back without care for whether they'd leave a mark, only dragging them back across his hot skin over and over again just to hear him groan out your name once more.

you could feel yourself climbing back up towards that delightful precipice, legs wrapping around his body and forcing him deeper into you so he could reach that spot that made white stars burst across the darkness of your close-lidded eyes. you tried to force your mouth to form coherent words, to warn him about how dangerously close you were, but all that spilled from your lips was more breathless sounds, body arching up to press against his as heat scalded over every inch of your bare skin, limbs shuddering and clinging desperately to him as he continued to roughly thrust into you.

tears were pricking at your eyes by the time he moaned a jumbled string of curses into your neck, arms nearly giving out beneath him as he spilled himself inside of you, your chests heaving in an unmatched, ragged unity against each other. he stayed there for a few moments, still inside you, struggling to catch his breath but still pressing the occasional kiss over your neck and shoulders. your fingers released their grasp on him, not realizing how hard you'd been clenching your hands until you felt the stiff ache resonating through your joints.

you tried to murmur something to him, but all that escaped was a weak whimper, legs slipping back down to lay on the couch, arms resting heavy on his back. you hadn't meant to fall asleep so fast, but your head had already been spinning from warm shocks still echoing through every fiber of your body, let alone the alcohol and the sheer physical exertion. you let your eyes fall shut, lids far too heavy to keep open, and slipped away easily into a dreamless slumber.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

zeke blindly reached about for the towel he'd set aside near the sink, finally grabbing it and pressing it to his dripping face, patting his skin and beard dry before tossing it into the hamper by the door. replacing his glasses onto his face, he blinked away the grogginess in his eyes, running his fingers through his hair to flatten it into a somewhat presentable style. he turned to the open door, catching a glimpse of you nestled under the comforter of his bed, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

he'd carried you to his room last night, but didn't get the chance to clean you up until this morning. by then, the bruises that had been an angry shade of red over your neck and chest had settled into your skin and darkened significantly, some bordered by deeper teethmarks that still had yet to fade. you hadn't stirred when he'd pulled the covers away from you for just a few moments, peeling off your underwear that he'd haphazardly replaced on your body to keep the mess to a minimum and gently wiping his cum away from your skin with a wet washcloth. he'd really tired you out, and something about seeing you so exhausted after just one night with him made a flicker of pride swell in his chest.

flicking off the light in the bathroom, he didn't bother to add a shirt over his relaxed attire of just a pair of sweatpants as he left his bedroom, making sure to quietly shut the door behind him.

"rise and shine." his back was still to the kitchen when he heard reiner's voice, turning to face his roommate who was looking at him with a mix of disapproval and curiosity, most likely having gotten a good look at the scratches you left down his skin last night.

"how was your time at bertholdt's?" zeke asked, ignoring reiner's frown as he glossed over his intrigue, wandering over to the fridge to grab some water for himself.

"not great." he grunted, reaching into the cabinet below the stove and fetching a pan, "he decided to invite annie over when he heard i was coming. you can imagine how boring it was to watch those two make eyes at each other the entire night."

zeke chuckled at that, cracking the top off of the cool bottle in his hands and taking a refreshing gulp, glancing at the table and noticing its lack of plates and the leftovers of night-old curry. "oh, you did the dishes. thanks."

"yeah, yeah, just glad you had your fun last night without me having to hear it." he stepped aside to let reiner put a carton of eggs and the butter out of the fridge. "but seriously man? the couch? you're gonna have to get that dry-cleaned or something, and i'm not helping you pay for it either."

"don't worry about it, i'll take care of it." he replied with a lazy smile, quickly adding on to his smooth response, "and be nice, alright? it's someone we know."

"who?" he asked, not at all looking it but obviously interested in his answer, flicking on the gas under the pan and dumping a spoonful of butter into it.

"one of eren's friends." reiner's eyes shot briefly over to him at that, prompting him to give a brief description of you, "remember? you saw her that time we all met up to watch that horror marathon while i still lived with my parents."

"wait.. you told me about her. isn't she dating your brother??"

"was dating my brother." he corrected, rolling his eyes at the disgruntled bewilderment etched across his friends face, "what? i had to show her that this generation of jaegers wasn't a complete disappointment.."

"whatever, man. your business." he finished off his water bottle in silence, watching reiner crack a few eggs in a bowl and whisk them together with a fork, finally breaking the silence with a generous offer. "you want me to make something for her?"

a slight grin broke out across zeke's face, dumping the empty plastic into the recycling bin, slapping reiner's back affectionately. "thought you'd never ask. thanks again, man."

"at your service." was his grumbled, monotone reply, the shadows weighing under his eyes clearly showing how late he'd arrived home last night and how little sleep he'd gotten. zeke was sure that once he'd got some coffee in him he'd cheer up a bit.

he was sure reiner wouldn't be done for another few minutes, so he wandered back into his room, wondering if you'd woken up yet so he could direct you to the shower if you wanted one. in the time that he'd been in the kitchen, you shifted around in bed, having rolled onto your back and knocked the covers away to reveal your bruised chest, hair covering half of your face but still identifiable. perfect.

zeke fished his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants, unlocking it and tapping into the camera app, taking a few steps closer to the bed and zooming in a bit before he snapped a picture of you.

                  10:39 am  you you sent an image to eren

eren  10:40 am uhhh did you send that to the wrong person

eren  10:41 am wait hold on who is that zeke who the fuck is that

eren  10:42 am is that my fuckingngirlfrined

you missed a call from eren

eren  10:43 am why the fuck aren't you fuckign picking up

you missed a call from eren (2)

eren  10:45 am holy shit what the fuck this can't be fucking happening zeke what the fuck is wrong wjth you you piece of fucking shit

zeke tapped out of his messages with his brother, sliding over his notifications setting to "do not disturb" before dropping his phone back into his pocket. he couldn't help the low chuckle he let out at his frantic replies. maybe if he'd held the same enthusiasm with you then he wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. moving over to your side of the bed, he took a seat on the mattress beside you, perking up at the sound of your small groan, eyes sleepily fluttering open to gaze up at him.

"g'morning." you murmured, letting out a quiet yawn as you sat up in bed, holding the sheets up to cover your bare chest despite him having already seen you naked.

"how'd you sleep?"

"like a fucking rock." he laughed softly at your bluntness. "my head kinda hurts.. sorry i fell asleep on you last night."

you looked positively adorable right now, and he was glad you weren't panicking or having any second thoughts about him, that you had fully digested the reality of your situation and come to peace with it. well, at least the situation before he'd sent that picture to eren.

"don't worry about it," he assured you, keeping the thought of his brother probably blowing up his phone and leaving the usual voicemails of him screaming at him when he was angry in his inbox, "i'll get you some breakfast soon. need any ibuprofen?"

"yes please." you smiled gratefully up at him, his heart twinged. "and could you grab me my purse? i left it in the kitchen, my roommates probably wondering why i didn't come back last night."

he began to say yes, but thought of how you were probably receiving a similar slew of alarmed messages by this point made him stop. "how about a shower first? you'd probably feel a lot better after that."

you hummed thoughtfully for a few moments, rubbing the sleep from your eyes with the back of your hand. "a shower sounds nice.. if you don't mind."

"wouldn't have offered if i did, babe." he grinned at the way your cheeks flushed, waving a hand over to his bathroom door, "shower's in there, plenty of towels on the rack by the tub."

he stood, turning to begin making his way to the door to give you some privacy, but felt your fingers gingerly wrapped around your wrist. "zeke.. thank you. for everything. i've been in a really tough spot for the last few months, and now everything seems... it all seems a lot clearer to me, like i just took the hardest step and it'll be a breeze after this."

your smile was genuinely, infectious, eyes full of gratitude, and had it not been for the heavy news that you would most likely be finding out about within the hour, he probably would've responded with one of equal radiance. but he managed to perk up the corners of his lips for you, tracing back to press a quick kiss over the top of your head.

"at your service."

he was pleased to see that his copied, more charmingly delivered words garnered such a positive response from you. and so he made his way back out into the kitchen, pulling out his phone to briefly check the amount of notifications that had racked up on his lock screen. thirty-six messages and sixteen missed phone calls. damn was that little brat persistent.

despite having essentially thrown you under the bus, he didn't feel any semblance of guilt for the action of having sent that incriminating photograph. the only remorse he felt was for leaving you as the sole recipient to his brother's rage, and the fact that he was starting to feel a strange sort of affinity for you, something lighter and more innocuous than the lust that he had shown you the previous evening. so he slipped over to the dinner table, acknowledging reiner's announcement that your eggs were ready with a short hum, finding your purse exactly where you said it had been.

he could hear the sound of the shower being turned on, and he felt safe unzipping the small bag and rummaging around to fish your phone out from beneath your other belongings. as he'd expected, there were a few missed calls from a "sasha", who he assumed to be your roommate, the messages from "eren <3" quickly beginning to pile up on your home screen. and as the "incoming call" text showed on the screen and the phone began to vibrate, zeke held down on the power button, completely shutting it off before he pocketed the device.

he just had to keep you busy, get you to focus on anything besides your desire to get to your purse and check your phone, or figure out a polite way to quickly shoo you out of the door and get home before you realized that you didn't have it in your bag. he hadn't really planned for this outcome, he usually didn't have this sort of compassion for others when he set his mind to getting something done, but he had a feeling that the extra work would be worth it in the grand scheme of things.

⥼ next chapter

[sussex-sweetheart]

I personally do not believe for a second that anything will come out of Ghislaine Maxwell's trial, far too many high stake people involved, even if we leave PA aside. And also MSM is not covering it unbiasedly at US, UK and other places as well, again coz high level people are involved. BUT I am glad that the trial is taking place in US instead of UK. Atleast the general public of US is far more active to know their sentiments known than Britishers.

I don't know how much will come from it either, but at least it's on a global stage and people will keep being reminded of how shitty these people are and hopefully it will have repercussions even if they're not legally punished. I never expect the media to report on anything unbiasedly. That's why people need to do their own research.

[paleode-ology]

Pre-Season 6 Thoughts - In Conclusion, Fuck the CW

okay yet another supergirl post bc I want to say some things before s6 starts airing

I started watching this show in middle school. I was just starting to become confident about the fact that I liked girls and as a girl I was really excited to watch a show about a female superhero whose most important relationship was with her sister. I thought Cat was hilarious, and I about lost my mind of happiness when Alex came out.

Season two rolled around and I absolutely fell in love with Lena. Again, I was really excited at the prospect of this super complex, female character. Pretty soon I hopped onto the supercorp train and never looked back.

Genuinely, I really, really loved this show. I loved Maggie and Sam and Ruby and Lucy Lane and Cat Grant, I adored Winn, thought J'honn was an absolute bop of a character. I thought there were really interesting and intriguing storylines, like Lena's short and emotional stint experimenting with humans. In hindsight, I even think that the idea of Mon-El could have been really compelling, even if it wasn't executed extremely well.

All this to say, I have had a lot of love for Supergirl. It's sentimentally valuable to me, and I feel so nostalgic when interacting with supergirl art on Tumblr or reading supergirl fanfiction or just watching it in general.

it's also incredibly, fundamentally, flawed.

please note that I don't blame actors for anything at all. there's obviously things that have happened behind the scenes, but I want to talk specifically about the show runners/writers/directors.

as a middle schooler, when I was 12, 13, even 14, I watched supergirl for the pretty people and focus on women and the aliens and (to middle school me) compelling plot lines.

however, this show has shown time and time again that they are incapable of focusing on platonic relationships between characters for extended periods of time. we got a few episodes of kara and nia working together and then an entire subplot focused on nia and brainy's relationship. as the show continued into its third and fourth and fifth season, danvers sisters moments became few and far between, which was especially distressing considering the show was originally built upon the strength of Kara and Alex's relationship.

James? became primarily a love interest for whoever the nearest woman was. and also a disastrous vigilante. sort of.

They brought Lex Luthor back, in a show that was supposed to be focused on the women of the superhero world, especially Lena, Lex's sister. For her to be pushed out of the Luthor spotlight in supergirl of all shows is discouraging, and it only builds upon the shitty rep the CW has given us in one of their only shows with a female lead.

Kara, of course, was inconsistently written, to the point where it's transparently obvious that the writers have her make decisions that are the most compelling for the sake of the plot rather than decisions that were the most in character for her to make.

Kara and Lena were established to be best friends. then, they were constantly pitted against each other, again, mostly for the sake of plot. supercorp aside, we can still talk about how Kara never told Lena about her identity until the fifth season, about how despite being "best friends" their relationship was hardly focused on. we instead saw the James and lena elements or lena and her science plot lines, but the gals themselves? hardly any scenes. this specific argument is strictly from a platonic kara/lena point of view, although I do ship them so I admit I'm biased.

Supercorp as an actual romantic ship is something I definitely have Opinions about, but I think that's for a separate post. HOWEVER, I do want to address the queerbaiting we've seen for years.

While I don't want to go too in depth (since this really is mostly for the supercorp post I'm also drafting 💀) but complicated story short, the very obvious queerbaiting regarding supercorp, as well as blatant encouragement of fans shipping the two together - liking comments regarding supercorp on their instagram, for example - is not only disrespectful and, to be frank, manipulative of their fanbase, but it also borders on (in my humble, seventeen-year-old opinion) unprofessionalism.

the supergirl social media accounts encourage behavior from their fans that they have proved time and time again they have no intention of actually rewarding in the show. maybe if this was the first or second year of supergirl airing, this wouldn't be a huge deal, but at this point, they know exactly what they're doing, and it genuinely makes me so angry.

I don't have high hopes for this last season. I'm looking forward to the more fan service-y episodes. Really, I'm only going to be watching it for the nostalgia factor, desire to see it through and get closure, and, if I'm being honest, clown-like hope that maybe, just maybe, they'll be able to fix the show that has grown more and more unstable over the past five years.

TL;DR: I loved supergirl as a kid, it holds a special place in my heart, but over the past few years, the writing and management of the show has made it one of the biggest disappointments I've witnessed amongst all the media I've been able to consume in live time (as opposed to things like ouat, which I only got into just as it was ending). While I'm going to watch the sixth season out of fragile hope and the desire for something akin to closure, it is going to take A LOT for supergirl to redeem itself.

happy final season, kids.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

I am curious: what are your favorite scenes from your main ships (date, dair, derena...)?

scenes involving milo don't count, sorry!

for me, it's really not just scenes, but body language & just in general, how they are with each other, you know? dan and serena grin at each other and hug SO much, you can tell that being around each other in s1 made them both so happy, and even after that glow fades the way they look for comfort in each other... top level stuff. the way blair looks at dan... we never see her as radiant at any other point. she was not looking at anyone else like this. and gosh, dan and nate. they're both so comfortable around each other that there's absolutely nothing weird about like. discussing that one ex girlfriend whom they both share AND both were in love with. there is literally no other duo who trusts/enjoys each other's company so much that they're comfortable in a love triangle. (probably because they're more in love with each other than with the girl, but that is not the point. or is it?)

anyway, more specific answers. under the cut. this is one of the longest answers i've ever written on this blog possibly but you KNEW that would happen when you sent this ask, didn't you? (affectionate)

derena: i tagged one of my ds reblogs as 'the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one' and like. look at them! this hug from 1x10 kills me in the best way. they are both the literal embodiment of :D when they see each other! i love 1x10 as a whole moment, their entire thing at cotillion is so sweet and they're both so happy. the fact that he is talking about his chemistry teacher during this kiss in 1x07. that bit at the end of 1x05 when they talk about their siblings (being there for their sibling because of fallible parents being a derena parallel makes me simultaneously really sad and really soft, tbh). 1x05 gives me SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT but the way they walk off together arms around each other does something to me - these are two people who are still getting to know each other but who really like what they see, and who trust each other and. are just having a good time together! back when derena was my OTP, the 1x11 "your story's about me?" was absolutely a fave, too, and i still adore it, albeit in a different, more nostalgic way. i like a dan who writes cute stories about serena. no empty shell sabrina van skoneker bullshit. she is so much like you, daniel! you'd be shattered if she did this to you. don't do this to her. tbh, most derena moments from s1 are just A+ romance. the bit in 2x02 in the jitney is so funny, they're SO bad at being exes. the bit in... 3x03 i think?? i don't remember... on the contrary. when they're talking about dan's fling w/ georgina and serena's relationship with carter, the ease with which they talk and how happy/supportive they are of each other's new relationships... yeah. love to see it.

i also really like any instance of them having honest/open conversations. 1x13, talking about how serena is concerned about blair. 1x08, serena talking to dan about feeling jealous of vanessa. this bit from the touch of eva or whatever that episode is. 4x04 i think. this is the conversation everyone is trying to get dan to have and he's avoiding EVERYONE else. derena interactions in 3x21 (can't find a gif right now) - the fact that dan is with serena when her dad abandons them, the fact that he goes all the way there with her. 2x07, "i'm really glad you're nate's friend. he really needs someone like you right now" (though i'm cheating, that's technically a d/n moment too klhdflkgf). there's a bit in s4 where he's advising her against having an affair w/ colin, i don't remember the ep number, but the way he takes her side so easily and naturally and puts due blame/responsibility solely on her professor... yeah. 4x10 i think this ep is?? idk. but like my tags say, im sentimental about this moment because while what dan was doing was irresponsible, sneaking her out of the ostroff, he was the only person in this episode who was actually talking to her and listening to her and taking her seriously. nobody else was doing that!!

i probably have more moments i'm not remembering, but we're only 1/3 into this answer and LOOK AT THE WORDS, good lord, i'm sorry.

dair: my favourite dair episode is hands down despicable b (5x21) which i have heard is an uncommon answer. i just love the conflict resolution of it all, okay!!! 1x04 & 2x08 are like. standard answers any dair shipper will give, and i'm no different. i love dan being able to give blair advice and blair actually taking his advice even though they're not friends yet!!! be right back, yelling at the intimacy of it all!! 5x16, with their getting together (this little kiss and dan being so startled by it), blair admitting a flaw she genuinely does have and dan saying it's not awful because it's her, which is just. romance at its finest. those vows, good lord. 5x18.... they're having fun! blair showing up at the loft in lingerie for dan... the delight on her face.... (i know this moment blows up in their face but when she's there she looks so happy and proud of herself and this was like THE moment when i was like. oh. dair is really the heart of this garbage show huh).

i think for me, the thing that really sells dan & blair together is the serena of it all. both of them love serena more fiercely than anyone else, and that is what brings them together. (fwiw i definitely think nate loved serena this much and this deeply, too; the writers just wanted to pop the serenate balloon, which even i think was extremely unnecessary and ooc.) but (& i have so much meta about this) their relationship grows beyond serena. their entire s4 arc is SO good. i love how comfortable around each other they are, in such an adult way, in the sense of like. they both bring so much stability to each other? morgan tagged this edit "the marrieds" and like. yeah. b offers to help him shave. they're having breakfast & reading the paper together.

all the love declarations we got that weren't a simple 'i love you.' be your charming wonderful self (how could she not love you/ tell me what would make you happy, dan) i told chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore (you spent your life earning the keys to set you free when you were free all along!!!!) dan's pep talk to blair in 5x21 (already linked a gifset earlier, here's another one if you want i guess). there's definitely more... but honestly, the way the dair arc was executed was so good - while i do have my complaints, i also think keeping those aside, it was SO close to perfect. i love dan & blair's banter and gradually becoming closer and closer and closer. it felt very organic and real and GOSH. the way penn & leighton looked at each other while playing dan and blair...... it's just SO MUCH.

date: this is the hardest, because it's. *screams*. maybe you saw me losing my mind over those 2 seconds of nate handing dan a waffle? i love almost every scene with these two, even the hellish s6 breakup scene. my favourite episode for d/n (& also favourite gg episode in general) is 2x06 - i love the homoerotic subtext of it all. nate pretending to be dan because dan's name is the first name that came to his head. dan flirting w/ nate while tied to that thing, in his underwear. them becoming friends. and 2x07 as a follow-up to that! dan getting nate to live in the loft with the humphreys for a while. i am so soft.

4x09 is a terrible episode in general, especially for serena my beloved, but the d/n moments in that one? off the CHARTS. this weird overly macho flirting, in some ways THE most iconic d/n line. this entire finish each other's sentences nonsense. someone (i think it was ana but im not sure?) compared the energy of those scenes i just linked to the book blairenate love triangle resolution, blairena choosing each other over nate in the books, date choosing each other over serena in the show (if only! RIP.) after the saints & sinners ball, this cute little moment of 'youre the only one who understands me. please tell me they went home together. i mean. how could they not have.

3x07, them watching vampire porn together. a tag i used on ao3 (& also on here, once) is 'nate brings out the himbo in dan'. here is a prime example. 'is she levitating?' i don't fucking know, dan, what do you think?? (i was telling my partner that that's what i love abt dair vs date. around blair dan is an intellectual, a librarian, an art historian, a museum curator. around nate it's like dan is competing to be #1 himbo on the show. can my girlfriend actually fly? i don't know, dan. i can't believe you're seriously asking such a question.)

3x12 pep talk. (sorry about the shitty quality!) essentially nate telling dan that he (dan) is hot and that he shouldn't talk himself down so much.

dan making nate gay in his book. you know. his book from which blair found out he was in love with her. nads (who i will not tag in this billion word long gushy meta, because i value her sanity) once called inside "wish fulfilment' and. i mean. yeah

nate checking dan out at the derena wedding continues to be hilarious. hilarious in the same way as dan sexually fantasising about nate. canon really went 'let's give ivy some special easter eggs' and i appreciate them a lot!

i love the way they are around each other - so quietly attuned to each other. i showed my sister my date!husbands gifset, and she was like. yeah they're so married. and it's just stuff like how dan looks for nate over his shoulder, it's not even an active action, it's as easy and natural and intuitive as breathing, checking to see if nate is still there.

oh, that wasn't as hard as it could've been! okay. cool. im SURE there's more things i could scream about, because it's DN, the fact that they're non-canon makes me THAT much fiercer about them than dair/derena, to be honest. so many dots to connect!! anyway.

[attackontitanreblogs]

[Spoiler] [Spoiler] [Spoiler] Hey, am I a only one who

like these 9 extra pages of ending and think they fix the ending?

I mean, I have several issues with ending (chapter 139) anyway, which include:

*Mikasa weren’t free and doesn’t have life aside Eren, which was implied too heavily;

*Eren didn’t even knowing why he was doing what he did anyway, which very badly executed his character (we hoped he had the best development ever, but it isn’t even true) and he was sooo simp. Also didn’t care much about any other person than Mikasa or Armin (Hange or Sasha died because of him);

*Eren being highly immature with his wantings and screaming he wanted Mikasa to mourn over him all the time, even if in the manga weren’t much implications on his feelings about Mikasa;

*the whole EM was shitty developed and I hoped Mikasa can get free of Eren and her obsession finally. Maybe it can be associated with my personal experience, but I also had unhealthy obsession about someone and I got finally over it, I won and I am not obsessing about anyone and have my very own desires which aren’t associated with anyone. I just hoped Mikasa can get over her obsession too and be healthy independent person with her own desires. On the Eren side I think as manga developed, the aro/ace Eren, Eremin or even EreHisu implication as true would be more logical and healthy than Eremika;

*happy ending for any character who lived after Hanji (aside Eren, Zeke and Ymir if we count), which is soooo improbably as Isayama liked to kill the characters before and there was no telling somebody will survive the chapter. It was too sweet for me, as Isayama couldn’t decide for a darker one ending;

*also I hoped Historia and her child would be more revelant to the chapter and the symbolism. I hoped Eren would be the father and will try to create the world which won’t burden his children or other children anymore with success or no success at all;

*it felt so much retconned anyway.

These 8 extra pages fixed (somehow) some of these things and gave the others new meaning:

*there was implication Mikasa has new life and new family, which proved she moved from Eren somehow. She was shown visiting Eren’s grave, but at least I doubt she focused on it as much as she would be being lonely and without any family. The only thing which would bother me was the scarf, but also remember when and why she received it. Eren saved her life. So the scarf could symbolise two things - Eren and the life, which she got because of the Eren. Since she didn’t decide to take her own life and join Eren immediately in afterlife or perish forever, more, she invested in her own life and bore lives with the new family we can hope she developed some distance from the Eren and he finally isn’t the only reason she still exists. From these and from her opposition of rumbling we can know she values life and she values it even more than person of Eren. She sacrificed him, because she values life, but also values her own life, which was saved by Eren. Maybe it’s why she valued so much Eren in the first place?? Maybe it’s why she kept the scarf, because it reminds her, beside of Eren, the life she got saved?

Maybe it still wasn’t best executed and could be better executed, but these pages got me better message about ending and Mikasa’s character - she lives her own life, but still remember the savior she loved - Eren. And it still gives us the room to hope she developed safe distance from Eren on whom she obsessed so much.

Also I read people’s opinion on her having husband on her own, which are “he is the second to Eren”, “she doesn’t care about her own husband but only Eren is on her mind”, “she needed her husband only to make her children and he was only a tool”, etc. These are not essentially to be true. If she was a good person I doubt she could value more dead person over a living person tbh. She knew Eren was doing very bad and finally decided to sacrifice him to save the remaining innocent lives. So well, if she was dedicated to her husband and kids I doubt she didn’t love them and valued their lives any less than Eren (why she could stick to somebody she didn’t love in the first place? unless she was in really bad mental state and toyed with somebody other and didn’t care about them, but I doubt we should get that kind of message and I doubt Isayama intended her to be like that.)

So, as bland and personality-less she is, it looks like she still got better executed than Eren. 

Also, her spouse being Jean or not: he looks like Jean, but it isn’t said it is Jean. Historia ended with random guy, remember? Even if it is Jean, I doubt she cared about him (other precious friend than Armin and Sasha) any less than for dead Eren.

At least I hope it is like that and it is possible, because I doubt Isayama could make her THAAAT miserable.

*Another point I want to make is that Paradise doesn’t have that sweet future, which is logical, possible and it is also a consequence of Eren’s doing. Paradis didn’t have titans, Founder and Colossal Titans in the walls, which would protect island. Which means, Eren doomed them forever. Eren didn’t surpased his father, he did even worse than his father, because he basically doomed entire generations down and didn’t solve anything, which is still logical consequence of what he did and it’s overall darker than the whole 139 chapter. It subverses whole surpassing the father trope, which is logical result and I like it.

*we got the time skipping (time travelling) with a tree and Paradis developing and destroyed at the end, which I like, because it in the whole reminds me the time travelling in the Time Machine 1960 movie. Maybe it’s personal and I’m becoming sentimental ahahhahah

*it is implied Eren isn’t free even in afterlife and have possibly taken Ymir’s place. It would be good, because it would be his sins’ atonement. This or the whole tree’s growing would be hallu’s (this weird spine thing) doing and Eren could have nothing to do with it.

What extra pages don’t solve:

*plot holes;

*Eren being shit (but at least got consequences);

*Historia being unrevelant to the plot;

*Hanji being dead and not being with Levi (:D).

Also the AU thing is sweet touch and comments aot’s own ending, which is nice, also remembers me Eren which I loved.

So, these are my thoughts on ending :)

[smileyliaa]

ryujin ༄ as your girlfriend

how it happened ༄

ryujin E X U D E S confidence

absolutely EXUDES it

let’s paint the scene

you’re sitting sadly on a ferris wheel

your date stood up up

the couple who you were supposed to be having a double date with have made you their third wheel

after the ride is over you quickly scurry away from the couple and make it to a funnel cake stand near the ride, you hide amongst the longish line

you’ve escaped the over affectionate couple but now you’re in line for a funnel cake you desperately want, then bam right as you take out your money a man runs by, bumping into you

your money is on the floor, your next in line, people are already annoyed at how long your taking, that is people aside from the girl standing right behind you

she helps you pick up your money and orders with you

she insists that she’ll pay as long as you repay her with eating with her cause she doesn’t want to look lonely while eating

so there you are sat at a table you the both of you had quickly wiped down, eating funnel cake

“i’m ryujin, what’s your name?”

from there bloomed a beautiful, almost innocent friendship

that is, if you guys weren’t always flirting and making out with eachother

you both stood somewhere in the middle of being just friends and dating

ryujin was protective of you, her arm always around your waist or resting on your leg

you never really dated anymore, going on dates wasn’t much in your interest as you had ryujin

ryujin was sick of it

she was sick of i t, absolutely DONE

she loved you, she was ready to admit what everybody already knew

she loved you, so she decided she was going to ask you on a date, and end the night with asking you to be her girlfriend

she wanted to be yours, she wanted you

so the plan began!

she was never one to be sappy or sentimental, but in this case, you were the only person worth being sappy over so she took you to the place she met you

the fair

it had been almost a year that she had met you

the asking you on a date part was harder than she expected

there was this small fear in the back of her head telling her she was going to fuck everything up by doing this, but she pushed passed it with the help of itzy hyping her up in the practice room for a bit

she walked to the lobby boldly and smiled, placing her arm around your waist and put a kiss on your lips

while your hands landed on her waist shocked by the sudden show of affection

“i have a question for you.”

“what is that question?”

“will you go to the fair with me on a date?”

you leaned forward and excitedly kissed her nose, placing the most glorious blush in her cheeks making you smile

“oh fuck yeah i will.” (if you don’t curse you’d said “yes!! i’d love to!”)

you had both decided to go on the saturday of that week

so on saturday there you nervously got ready, sifting through clothes, looking at make up, toying with your hair

only to come back with what you started with originally

ryujin paced around her room right before she had to go meet you

all the girls gathered around taking this as their opportunity to make fun of her nervousness

after about a good half an hour of getting clowned by itzy she left and embarked on her journey to pick up the girl she had a date with at the fair

the car ride to the fair was a bit lengthy she will admit, but another you both had to admit was how fun it was together

singing along to got7 songs

talking about anything and everything that came to mind

when you arrived the first official date jitters did too

you both walked around endlessly

getting on rides

eating unhealthy food (c’mON if you don’t eat something unhealthy at a fair what’s the point??)

played the rigged booth games that no one ever wins

except she won you something cause it’s fucking shin ryujin we’re talking about

so now you carried a cute little elephant plushie around that you had yet to name

you got on the large ferries wheel

your dainty little elephant son sat on your lap

both of your stared out at the sunset smiling

you leaned your head onto her and felt your smile grow wide as you just barely saw the flush show up on her cheeks

“stop looking at me like thaaatt”

she looked down at you shyly internally shocked at how your simple gaze managed to send her for a loop

shocked at how you’re the only person to ever do this to her

you leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips satisfied at the sight of a shy ryujin before you

“you’re cute babe”

she pressed a kiss to your forehead

“you’re cuter”

right after this you found yourselves back at the funnel cake booth where it had all started

you sat at the same table, wiping it down just like you had the first day you met

this time your elephant son sat on ryujin’s lap

you shared one large funnel cake and talked

debated on names for your unnamed elephant son

you smiled at ryujin before you took her hand in yours, “ryujin do you actually want to be more than friends?”

ryujin felt a sudden knot in her stomach at the question

you knew her too well, she had told you about the problems she had in her previous “relationships”

she wasn’t ready for them

“it’s different this time.”

“how so?”

“i want to be your girlfriend, i want to date you. i asked you out on this date because i really just want you...”

“you’re the only person to ever make me feel this way.”

you felt a feeling growing in your stomach, butterflies, they fluttered viciously around your stomach

unsure of what to say, and unsure of what to do you pulled her face in and placed a kiss on her lips quickly, “i’d love to be your girlfriend ryujin.”

“so we’re dating??”

“yes.”

affection ༄

a h h h h

generally i don’t think she’s one for pda

her hand? not on your waist or thigh? something is WRONG

that’s what she always does

she makes sure you’re sat next to eachother so she can either have her arm around you

or resting on your thigh

it’s just her “i’m here” kinda reassurance

i feel like when you’re alone or on dates if she ever wants to kiss you but doesn’t wanna like totally display all her love out in the open she’d kiss your hand

i have a feeling she’d like kissing her girlfriend’s hand

like she picks it up from across the table holding it gently, presses kisses to your knuckles, and puts it both your hands down on the table still holding them

;-; damn i want that

when alone i feel like she’ll have no problem showing affection tbh

she’d be ALL OVER YOU

if you don’t make ryujin a whipped simp i’m sorry to say it i don’t think you’re the one-

when cuddling it’s my opinion that she likes being the little spoon

resting her head on your chest

arms around you

legs entangled

you playing with her hair

it’s paradise

little moments ༄

your elephant son!

she surprised everybody surrounding the little booth she was playing at when she one the small elephant plushie!

he now resides with you, he always rests on your bed, couch, or table there to provide you with company!

you’re still working on the name

(y’all send me your name ideas and we can vote on them like cmonnnnnnn)

your almost weekly dates to a small park are amongst your favorite memories

it’s always the same routine

walk around the park, holding hands

recount how your week has been going

tell eachother stories

debate on your elephant son’s name

sit at a park bench watching the kids play

let your minds wander a bit wondering if you’ll ever have a family together

and hope you do

one of her favorite memories was when you got kicked out of a small 3 dollar theater

you both bought over priced food to eat while eating the shitty movie you decided to watch

the movie was so shitty and very few other people were on the same room

you whispered (was a really loud whisper) comments about the movie

picking out little details that might’ve gone unnoticed

and tried your hardest not to cackle and disrupt the whole movie

well, you failed

she pointed out a small detail in the back ground

the fact that a staff member working on the movie was in the reflection of a mirror on the screen doing a little jig and then fell down

as they cut back to the scene she was referring to you happened to see it and couldn’t hold back the laughter that came

didn’t help that that same detail was a part of what was supposed to be an emotional scene

she couldn’t help but laugh along with you

on your way back home from the early ending of the movie she thought back to that moment

it was one of those memories she’d never be able to forget

maybe it’s was the way she felt knowing she made you laugh like that

or the way you clung onto her laughing clearly trying to stop and getting flustered at your inibility to laugh

but she’d never forget the moment she realized she loved you more than she thought she could love a person