#the goldfinch meta

[boywithskull]

A Brief Boris Pavlikovsky Analysis

It’s simultaneously hilarious and infuriating to me how at-odds with each other the interpretation of Boris by book fans is, versus the interpretations of people who have only seen the movie (admittedly, I’m talking specifically about Finn super-fans). I’ve seen an abundance of people who represent him as some sort of “bad boy,” who’s into the occasional drug-use, drinking and rule-breaking - an notion which, to be fair, is perpetuated by the movie. In reality, Boris’ character is so much more complex, and I’d be willing to bet that people who love the idea of him as a “bad boy” would actually hate him in the book. 

As I mentioned, Boris’s character is highly sanitised in the movie; he does drugs, but we don’t see countless sequences of him and Theo frequently using hard drugs. He drinks, but not in the same way as his book counterpart, who drinks beer like it’s water, and spends every other afternoon getting wasted with Theo. He’s both physically and verbally violent, such as his use of the n-word and certain scenes in which he hits his Kotku or is violent toward Theo in the pool. He’s incredibly intelligent, but he’s brash, his moods swing, and he can be aggressive. Unlike in the movie, book Boris is not always likeable, but he still comes off as sympathetic, and this is the core of his character. 

Boris is primarily characterised by love and optimism. In the closing moments of the novel, Theo reaches the revelation that “Nature (meaning death) always wins but that doesn’t mean we have to bow and grovel to it.” Boris shares many of the same traumas as Theo, and has lived an even more unstable life, dealing with a physically abusive and neglectful father and frequent moves across the globe. Unlike Theo, however, who is enslaved by such traumas until adulthood, Boris understands this sentiment even as a youth. Him and Theo represent antithetical ways in which to deal with trauma: Theo, who refuses to move on and lets it consume him, and Boris, who lives in the moment, moment-to-moment, never surrendering love and optimism. He embodies the very philosophy that takes Theo years to understand. 

Of course, that doesn’t mean all of his actions are inherently good, but this only contributes to the complexity of his character. His excessive drug use is bad for obvious reasons, he’s not always a good judge of character (i.e. his fondness for Larry), and he’s made to live with the consequences of his impulsive actions (stealing the painting and losing Theo, for instance). But as Boris himself states, “as long as I am acting out of love, I feel I am doing the best I know how.” And this is true: he risks everything to get the painting back, he comforts Theo in Vegas in the only way he knows how, he admits that he’ll never quit drugs until it kills him, he’s impulsive, he loving, he’s optimistic, and he’s human. This is what movie stans who only view him as bad boy Finn Wolfhard are missing out on. This is why I always recommend the book to people. This is why Boris Pavlikovsky remains one of my favourite literary characters to date.

2024 edit: obviously there’s nothing wrong with having discovered TGF through Finn, but the book is absolutely amazing and should be read and appreciated on its own terms too 🙏 You will not regret it

[jestersloverre]

As we approach the mid-season finale of Midst season 3, here are some questions that have been floating around in my brain. Speculation is encouraged! But, no spoilers beyond the public release please.

1. Did Imogen Loxlee know about her late husband’s violent tendencies and his connection to Lark’s mother?

2. Does Jonas Spahr have a family?

3. Did Maximillian Loxlee and Lark’s mother have a relationship beyond what Lark was privy too?

4. How is ex-consector Costigan in good standing with the Trust in spite of being fired due to Breach activity?

5. What was Hieronymous’s last name before he married Imogen Loxlee?

6. What happened to the generation between Milton Fleit senior and Milton Fleit junior?

7. What is Meryl Concord up to?

This last one is more so based on theorizing and discussions with other listeners vs canon info:

8. If Imelda is in fact responsible for the moonfall, how did she get the resources to orchestrate it?

[mortimerlatrice]

KinnPorsche Music in Context: Episode One

It needs to be said: I started thinking about how a few of the songs used as KinnPorsche background music had incredibly apt or punny titles months ago. It’s been sort of poking around in my head that it might be some light, surface level meta to collect!

Ho boy was I wrong. I don’t know what I expected because absolutely nothing in KinnPorsche is just surface level. In episode one, I have already found several hysterical jokes, commentary on the shifting power dynamics, water symbolism, and many more gems.

Here is the link to my episode one Spotify playlist. I know there are quite a few playlists out there, but even scouring three of them, I still found additional songs that were not cited or mentioned.

There are 37 (yes, you read that correctly, 37!) songs in episode one and that's in addition to a handful of reprisals, so the insanely long list is under the cut.

For other episodes (as I get to them), go here!

We start, of course, with our beloved theme song, เพียงไว้ใจ (or PhiangWaichai) by Slot Machine. There’s plenty of thoughts on this, I’m not digging into it.

Introducing Kinn – Quantum Sonata by FormantX.

Kinn and Big head into the Italian’s den – Our Final Mission by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen. This is the last time Big will join Kinn on a mission as his head bodyguard (I’m not crying, you’re crying.)

Introducing Don and the Italian gang – Waltz for Little Italy by Bireli Snow.

Introducing Porsch – Diggin' the Drama by The New Fools.

Kinn making accusations and  Porsche mixing drinks hoping to get lucky – Covert Affairs by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen.

After Kinn's iconic "I'm more like my mom," we are introduced to the song that makes the most appearances this episode: Concerto No. 2 in G Minor, L’estate (Summer) composed by Antonio Vivaldi. Now here’s where the KinnPorsche crew start to do what they do best: give us things to obsess over and over analyze.

The concerto has 3 movements and to be honest I’m not 100% sure that they pull from only one of them for the show. Remember when I said I wasn’t musically inclined? If anyone wants to chime in, please do.

Another fun thing about this Concerto? It is traditionally associated with or accompanied by a trio of sonnets (one for each movement). Oh, did I mention Vivaldi was Italian? Themes.

Anyway, the sonnets translated from Italian to English:

I. Allegro non molto– Under the heat of the burning summer sun, Languish man and flock; the pine is parched. The cuckoo finds its voice, and suddenly, The turtledove and goldfinch sing. A gentle breeze blows, But suddenly, the north wind appears. The shepherd weeps because, overhead, Lies the fierce storm, and his destiny. II. Adagio; Presto– His tired limbs are deprived of rest By his fear of lightning and fierce thunder, And by furious swarms of flies and hornets. III. Presto– Alas, how just are his fears, Thunder and lightening fill the Heavens, and the hail Slices the tops of the corn and other grain.

Source

Porsche and his fanclub at Hum Bar – Late Nights by Daxton.

When Yok calls Porsche over to the bar – Mysterious Madeline by Lucas Pittman.

As Kinn is driving over the bridge and they realize they're being followed (and when Porsche is making eyes at the woman across the bar) – Road of Fury by John Abbot.

Big and Kinn fleeing into the tunnels when Big is shot and Kinn is being chased down – They Are Coming by Hampus Naeselius.

There is a brief snippet here with a snare drum and a cymbal (I think?) when Porsche is cheekily asking Kinn for money and pissing in a bottle, but I couldn’t isolate it enough to find it. Any help would be appreciated!

Here, we’re introduced to the perfect fights song, Absolute Power by Hampus Naeselius, when Porsche beats down the street thugs and drives off with Kinn.

She Knocks by Lukas Amil plays when Porsche is being a brat and leaves Kinn at the gas station.

When Porsche comes home to Chay bandaging up Arthee – In Rain - Indigo Days. Can you say water symbolism?

The Joys And Sorrows of Life by Johannes Bornlöf gives a little hope when Porsche and Arthee are sitting and talking about finances and how much they could make off Kinn’s watch.

Porsche at the underground fighting ring has three songs in quick succession: Back to Where it Began by Rockin' For Decades,

Second Hand Slide by Lucas Pittman,

And Around the Bend by Pip Mondy as he turns the fights to his favor. [It is worth noting that they use a sort of stripped down version during most of it, but I couldn't find that version, so they may have done it themselves]

When Porsche comes home to Chay and Arthee celebrating making so much money off the watch we get Gentleman at Heart by Indigo Days. I think this one’s interesting because I’m actually not sure if it’s about Arthee or Porsche…

When Don finds his men tied up and (maybe dead?) – Let Me Introduce Myself by Rune Dale. This comes right after the scene where Korn chastises Kinn for his decision to enrage Don instead of “giving him gifts.” This is Kinn telling Don exactly how he plans to run things and how very different he is from his father. Kinn's mother must have been ruthless with a good sense of humor.

When Kinn asks Chan about finding Jom/Porsche, we're back to Vivaldi’s Concerto. Like the shepherd, Porsche's Destiny hangs over his head.

College Porsche and his stolen pastry get Moonshiner's Turn by Martin Landström.

Jom is approached to act as "a waiter who's actually the greatest boxer undercover,” our dear theater kid gets Concert Hall Hideout by Stationary Sign.

A moment later when Porsche realizes he's been caught? Cheese! by Alexandra Woodward. [This one is not on the Spotify playlist but I did find it on Epidemic Sound.]

When Porsche calls Chay, worried that Chay may be targeted or even taken by Kinn? Extraction by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen. Which is a truly horrible double entendre because the very next song is

Clogged Up by Jerry Lacey. I'm not even dignifying this scene with a response.

Kinn sweet talking Yok (with veiled threats) – Infiltrator by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen.

Porsche’s kidnapping – Honor the Brave by Hampus Naeselius. 

Kinn reading Porsche his own biography – Beryllium - Farrell Wooten. Beryllium is, according to a brief google search, a natural metal that is expensive, brittle, and dangerous to work with (toxic).

Porsche's fight theme – Absolute Power. Except who has the power this time?

Brief reprise of She Knocks as Kinn once again watches Porsche walk away from him (or throw himself off the boat in this case).

When Korn and Kinn discuss how to force Porsche, and moving into the next scene when Porsche finds Chay cleaning up after another break-in, and through to Porsche finding Thee being beaten up – The Stakeout by Christoffer Moe Ditlevsen.

When the loan shark tells Porsche that Thee still owes despite Porsche believing they had paid things off, leading to Porsche forcefully kicking Thee out of his and Chay's life? Ghosting by Christopher Moe Ditlevsen.

When Porsche finally tells Thee to leave and after, when Porsche goes home alone to clean up his ruined house, we get one of my all time favorites – Bitter Heart - Instrumental Version by Memi. Although the soundtrack presumably uses the instrumental version, I would argue that the lyrics were taken into account when choosing it:

“Suddenly you look like a stranger A face I knew, but I must've forgotten … We know we could've done it better Fought for the little things that we wanted … Oh, I wish that you hadn't pulled the trigger Shot me down with my bitter heart My blood is getting thicker You shot me down, you shot me down With my bitter heart”

This is getting way too long, so I cut some of the lyrics but I strongly recommend checking out the original.

As Chay tells Porsche that their parents would be proud of him, there is a very brief reprisal of In Rain.

It then switches to No More Drama by Eric Feinberg as they hug and Porsche tucks Chay in. This calls back to the song that first accompanied Porsche, Diggin’ the Drama, and Porsche has made his decision. He can't keep living like this and he can't let Chay live like this either. 

Porsche's letter and Kinn pouring himself a drink – a reprisal of Gentleman at Heart.

During the famous "your life is mine" scene where, at least in the translation, Porsche asks if Kinn is a god, we get a third reprisal of the Concerto. Porsche's destiny is set, the storm has blown in and ruined his life leaving him desperate.

When Porsche confronts Korn and asks to be Big and Ken's boss and through to Korn Playing Chess – So to Say by Taylor Crane

At which point we get one, final reprise of the Concerto as Korn places the Queen on the board and the game begins.

Finally – Free Fall by Slot Machine.

And, in the interest of being thorough....

Episode Two Preview – Global Impact by Philip Ayers.

[doughguts-art]

Okay okay back with more Bandit questions and observations now!!! Hi!!! First off, what's the model of his gun? Literally just curious, really doesn't mean anything unless I feel like drawing it lmao. Secondly, what's his thoughts on the people in power/the guardians + the queen (I'm lumping the Judge into the guardians)? You said he won't work when he can survive well on his own, but does his dislike stretch out to even wishing harm on the guardians? Actually, does he know if a guardian dies, their Zone dies, too? How knowledgeable is he on the world of OFF's lore and how it functions?? Thirdly, does he have any friends I should know about? You drew him interacting with Project Goldfinch/Just Finch to break up the text in my first ask, what's their relationship? Does Bandit scam him to hell and back, or do they just casually chat every now and then? Fourthly, I VERY BRIEFLY checked out Ask Bandit and here are some observations I made: Uno, how come you ship him with Red from Animal Crossing? Is it cuz they both steal and resell?? If so, that's hilarious and I love your sense of humor. Dos, when drawing him with Elsen 7 I did not know Bandit currently resides in Zone Three, because 7 lives in Zone One. This whole time I was under the impression he travels through Zones for some reason lol? I guess that's my curse of having a handful of ECU Elsen that do that themselves lmao. Last but not least, not something Ask Bandit related, just generally speaking, would you like to see any future doodles I make of Bandit, whether he's interacting with my own OCs or otherwise? If not, I totally get it lol. Sorry if this is too many questions btw!! You're free to infiltrate my inbox with silly questions too if you want, just to make it more fair. Thank you! :]

Apologies in advance, I didn't make any new Bandit art for this post so I'm just linking something I drew in April that I don't think I shared to tumblr XD Answer time!

I modeled Bandit's gun after a Glock?? Kinda?? I didn't really reference a specific model, more like loosely inspired. I probably should create a prop-reference for it, but I haven't yet.

Bandit's dislike for authority does not stretch to wanting to take out the guardians. It would be counter-intuitive to his role as a merchant to kill off his customers by killing off the guardians. Bandit cares too much about profit, and although the guardians are annoying, without them he wouldn't have profit.

Bandit is fully aware on how the world of OFF works, it's inner workings, and other meta things.

Bandit will say anyone is his friend, even if they clearly hate him. Louis would be the only one that would truly think of Bandit as a friend (except maybe my elsen-sona, but they're a mary-sue type oc and should probably not be counted if we're talking in-universe/story lol)

As Finch is the protagonist in my game concept, Bandit will be the merchant selling them items. Finch is distrusting of Bandit, but sees him as a necessity in their mission. I do have an idea where Bandit does steal something from Finch to propel the plot, but who knows if that'll stay in the final lol

Bandit x Redd is a joke ship created by @brandy-elsen (tagging the account it was posted on and not your current account because I do not wanna waste a tag on this I am sorry Brandy AHHSGFG). All the credits to her for the comedic genius. I think you guessed right as to why that ship exists tho. I just drew it for that post because it met the "two pieces of fanart" criteria I set.

Bandit travels the zones, your initial assumption was right. He is only in Zone 3 on the askbandit blog because of the story being told on there. He's gotta refill his stock of sugar manually since sugar happens to be one of the things he cannot magically pull from his pack.

I would love to see future doodles you make of Bandit! I like collecting all the fanart I get and posting it (with credits/links) to his gallery on toyhouse.

I'm terrible with asking questions, but I'll keep your offer in mind if I have any in the future! :D

a dapper Bandit in a suit

[alltimefail]

Hi! Welcome to my page!

➪ My name is V (she/her) and I’m 27 years old. I'm very bad at writing "about me" blurbs and I'm slow to respond to DMs, but if you send me an ask/private message I promise I will do my best to get back to you in a timely manner! 🖤

➪ I really LOVE Dead Boy Detectives. Help me save Dead Boy Detectives by streaming it on Netflix and by signing our renewal petition HERE. 💜💀🔎

➪ If you are in the Dead Boy Detectives fandom and want to access my "To-Do" list for saving our show, CLICK HERE.

➪ Follow me on Twitter for more shitposting, I'm atfsims1!

➪ My simblr is HERE (@alltimefail-sims).

➪ Every fundraiser or resource I’ve posted for Palestine can be found HERE. Please check this tag if you can help financially in any way or are willing to reblog the fundraisers to boost their visibility. FREE PALESTINE! 🍉

Navigate my fandoms and commonly used tags below ↓

➪ It shouldn't need to be said but DNI if you're racist, homophobic, transphobic/a rad fem/a TERF, ableist, and so on. You lot wouldn't like it here anyway. 👍

Dead Boy Detectives 💀🔎 (Main Tag) - Meta/Analysis - Gif Sets - Memes/Funny Text Posts - Behind the Scenes/Cast-specific posts ➪ This is my main fandom currently which is why the tag is so organized lol.

Other various fandoms I'm in but don't have super organized tags for include: #Stranger Things #Twenty One Pilots #The Goldfinch #Scott Pilgrim #ILITW "It Lives In The Woods" #ILW "It Lives Within" (ILITW Fan Project) #The Haunting of Hill House / Bly Manor #Midnight Mass #The Midnight Club #Watcher (Puppet History, Ghost Files, Mystery Files, and so on) #ACNH #Julie and the Phantoms #The Quarry #Heartstopper #RWRB "Red, White, and Royal Blue"

Note: I'm constantly adding to this list, this is just the stuff off the top of my head honestly. If you like any of this stuff feel free to follow! Also some of these tags will have less than 10 posts because I've just recently started being mindful of tagging my reblogs lol.

General and random tags I use often: #Fanart (One of my most used tags probably. I don't make it, but I do reblog it! There's a shit ton of good stuff in here!!) #Art (I don't make it, but I reblog it!) #Writing Inspo (Lots of poems and text posts tbh) #Personal (Where I shitpost)

➪ If any links seem broken, please try opening them in a browser!

[corruptimles]

Meta OC questions 1.) What inspired you do make your oc, for Wattson and Shamrock. If you‘re up for it, what inspired No Name Game? How did it start? Or with who?

1. What inspired you to create your oc?

First fun fact: the characters were actually created separately! I made Wattson first alongside Ripley, maybe 2 months before Shamrock.

Second fun fact: Wattson (originally just 'Watson') was inspired by the Watson-Scott Test, which is a horror indie game where you take a personality quiz. He doesn't have retain any resemblance to it besides the square expression and slow speech. He used to be a more openly nosy, unnerving, and bothered Goldfinch and Ripley, before I made Shamrock

Shamrock was made just to give Wattson a reason to fight in NNG/UOHRPG, as Ripley had Goldfinch. He was made when I wanted to shift Wattson further away from his source inspiration and went with Dr John Watson and Sherlock Holmes. Shamrock has since gotten more characterization besides being a backstory npc

[...] If you‘re up for it, what inspired No Name Game? How did it start? Or with who?

It's been a long time now so I can't remember clearly but it was with my friend Mango from high school. After graduation, we thought about making a game because of her learning game design, and we thought of using object heads for simpler stand-out design and shapes? I volunteered some I already had (Ripley, Goldfinch, Watson) and she made others (Ross, Sword). It was originally a side-scrolling beat-em-up, but we started having less and less time to meet each other. And then I had to move away. We're still in contact but don't know if we can organize time for a group project anymore with our current lives.

The original game idea probably won't happen, at least not how we originally wanted, but the world and characters still exist as I continue to draw them. I'll be looking into what media I can try to make by myself in the future, whether it's the original plot we had, or spin-off

Meta OC Questions List of my OCs

[lincolngoldfinch1]

Lincoln-Goldfinch Law: Su Firma de Inmigración Confiable

Este artículo ofrece una mirada detallada a Lincoln-Goldfinch Law, una firma de inmigración reconocida que trabaja en simplificar procesos de inmigración complejos. Tiene un historial comprobado de negociar efectivamente las complicadas reglas de la ley de inmigración, incluyendo solicitudes de visa, tarjetas verdes y ciudadanía. Los abogados de inmigración ayudan a individuos y familias a alcanzar sus metas de inmigración proporcionando servicios individualizados y utilizando su conocimiento.

En este artículo, aprenda sobre los servicios de inmigración de la firma y su compromiso con servicios legales de calidad.

Trabaje Con Lincoln-Goldfinch Law (LGL)

Esta firma de abogados con sede en Austin, compuesta por abogados experimentados, se ha establecido como un recurso confiable para personas y familias que necesitan ayuda con inmigración. Ha ganado una reputación notable en la comunidad de ley de inmigración al ofrecer apoyo legal. Descubre más.

El equipo proporciona servicios de inmigración integrales adaptados a las necesidades de sus clientes. Ya sea adquiriendo una visa, modificando el estatus migratorio o buscando defensa contra la deportación, la firma sabe cómo lidiar con procesos legales complicados.

Servicios de Inmigración que Ofrece LGL

LGL está dedicado a hacer que los procedimientos desafiantes sean simples. Sus servicios integrales incluyen solicitudes de visa, ajuste de estatus, defensa contra la deportación, inmigración basada en empleo y familia, ciudadanía y naturalización. Además, ofrecen asesoramiento profesional y asistencia durante todo el proceso.

Solicitudes de Visa

Los abogados están bien versados en las complejidades de las solicitudes de visa. Ayudan a los clientes a comprender las diferentes categorías y los guían a través del procedimiento de solicitud. Esto asegura que toda la documentación requerida se presente correctamente y a tiempo.

Ajuste de Estatus

La firma de abogados asesora a aquellos que ya están en los Estados Unidos sobre formas de cambiar su estatus migratorio. Ya sea buscando una tarjeta verde o alterando una posición de no inmigrante, proporciona asesoramiento individualizado a los clientes para ayudarles a adquirir residencia.

Defensa contra la Deportación

Los abogados de LGL proporcionan técnicas sólidas de defensa para personas que enfrentan procedimientos de deportación. Utilizan estrategias basadas en las situaciones únicas de sus clientes. Trabajan arduamente para preservar sus derechos y explorar alternativas legales para impugnar órdenes judiciales.

Inmigración Basada en Familia

La reunificación familiar es un pilar de la práctica de inmigración de la firma. Sus abogados competentes y experimentados guían a los clientes a través de los obstáculos de la inmigración basada en la familia. Les ayudan a traer a sus seres queridos a los Estados Unidos utilizando diferentes opciones de visa patrocinadas por la familia.

Inmigración Basada en Empleo

Sus abogados de inmigración reconocen la importancia de la inmigración basada en el empleo para personas que buscan oportunidades profesionales en los Estados Unidos. Ayudan a los clientes a obtener visas de trabajo y otras opciones de inmigración basadas en el empleo a través de diversos canales.

Ciudadanía y Naturalización

El equipo ayuda a las personas que desean convertirse en ciudadanos estadounidenses durante todo el proceso de naturalización. Sus representantes legales educan a sus clientes sobre varios procedimientos de inmigración. Les ayudan a prepararse para el examen de ciudadanía, completar y presentar los documentos requeridos y garantizar la presentación correcta de todos los documentos pertinentes.

Conocer los servicios de LGL es vital para determinar qué los hace diferentes de los demás. También es esencial saber por qué elegirlos es inteligente para sus requisitos de inmigración.

Beneficios de Contratar Abogados de LGL

Elegir la firma de abogados adecuada es crucial cuando se trata de inmigración. LGL se distingue por su notable historial, enfoque individualizado y habilidades esenciales.

Enfoque Personalizado

Uno de los elementos principales que distinguen a la firma de abogados de inmigración es su atención individualizada a cada caso. Reconocen la situación única de cada cliente y se toman el tiempo para escuchar, analizar y planificar el curso de acción más adecuado. Brindan un grado de atención y cuidado que promueve la confianza y la seguridad al adaptar sus servicios a los requisitos individuales.

Amplio Conocimiento Legal

El equipo está compuesto por competentes abogados de inmigración con una vasta experiencia y conocimiento en la industria. Permanecen al tanto de las reglas y regulaciones de inmigración, asegurando que sus clientes obtengan asistencia legal precisa y confiable. Manejan procesos legales complejos con precisión, aumentando sus posibilidades de éxito.

Asistencia Multilingüe

Las limitaciones del idioma pueden ser muy desafiantes en el proceso de inmigración. Para resolver esto, ofrecen ayuda multilingüe, permitiendo que los clientes interactúen en sus idiomas nativos con facilidad. Este enfoque inclusivo promueve una comunicación exitosa. Asegura que los clientes comprendan completamente sus alternativas legales y puedan expresar libremente sus preocupaciones y preguntas.

Resumen

LGL ayuda a simplificar procesos de inmigración complejos. Individuos y familias que buscan inmigrar los consideran una alternativa confiable. Este reconocimiento se debe a sus servicios integrales de inmigración, enfoque individualizado, competencia legal significativa y compromiso con un servicio al cliente excepcional. Los clientes se benefician de un equipo dedicado de profesionales entusiastas por guiarlos a través del proceso y ayudarlos a alcanzar sus metas.

Más Información Lincoln-Goldfinch Law en CitySquares Cómo Llegar

Lincoln-Goldfinch Law 1005 E 40th St Austin, TX 78751 (855) 502-0555

[00towns]

2023: media in review

The Secret History by Donna Tartt 

I read the Goldfinch earlier this year and enjoyed it immensely, and The Secret History came to me as the natural next pick by recommendation of P. I tucked into the book in the waning days of the summer, and read it in overflowing fistfuls on the train, bus, and at my desk. 

I expressed once, in a memory of that same but very different summer that I recall very sharply, that it feels like I have not eaten drywall in quite the same way that I have since I was a teenager. We were in the car, heading back to DC from the Northern Neck. I was driving, which always seems to make the things that I say sling a little looser than they might usually. I remember feeling like I was testing the waters – part of eating drywall is always, of course, the tentative, desperate fear that no one else has. 

To me, this is the term that most closely encapsulates the feeling of obsessive fandom behavior that is an almost hyperphysical, overstimulating sensation of fixation on something. I first heard the word from S, who tossed it out in a conversation about our individual yet parallel media consumption viruses almost on a whim, but I remember feeling like I had understood it instantly. There is something so eating drywall about the sensation of eating drywall, perhaps contained in the implication of being locked in a room alone, where all rightful, God-fearing fandom behavior should occur, perhaps in the suggestion of a quiet, personal insanity that isn’t containable by any words except going up to the edges of your enclosure and just starting to chew. 

The point that I mean to make is as follows: I think The Secret History is the closest I have felt to the type of unerring, self-evident obsession that I characterize to being a teenager. In a way, the book doesn’t even particularly deviate from the types of tropes that would have made up one of those quintessential franchises (Richard is decidedly Teen Wolf-y at moments), and yet I feel drawn to it because it is such a strong example of an originator text that made way for all the hedonistic, trope-y delights of its contemporaries, and therefore is able to do so without the limitations of more modern cliche or platitudes. The book is indulgent in references to philosophy and Greek mythology, but a shining moment to me is in Julian, who upon discovering the unsettling circumstances around Bunny’s death, reacts with a perverse interest. The moment feels like a meta-reference to the reader themselves, who is having the same experience of hunger for story and desperation for plot despite it all. That – the macabre of searching for the next thing to eat drywall over – is also something to contend with as I consume, and consume. 

I ended up discussing the book with P and K a few months later, who I had originally broached the eating drywall with. It was interesting hearing their thoughts on the book and revisiting parts that I had remembered, and slowly reflecting together that this book is really, really excellent. It was strange that it took this long to solidify to me the novel as good as it was, and I can’t help but think that this campus novel about a coastal elite friend group is perhaps best enjoyed with two friends who were part of my own experience of a parallel setting, and who made the novel’s wry criticism cut all the more deeply. 

I’ve been up to my ears in Japanese study lately, and in these moments where I struggle through basic interactions I’m additionally grateful for the simple gift of incredibly crafted English prose, and that I have the ability to appreciate it. 

Recommended double feature:

Interview with the Vampire (1994)

Interview with the Vampire (2022)

NCT 127 – Fact Check (The 5th Album) 

Entergalactic 

I know that another Spiderverse movie came out this year, but my deep desire to appear introspective prevents me from putting a Marvel IP on my list of favorite things this year (and a sequel, at that), so I’ll put instead another favorite animated film from this year. 

Entergalactic is Kid Cudi’s visual companion film to his eighth studio album, and was the first work of his that I’ve ever engaged with. I knew nothing about the Entergalactic concept itself except for the hoodie, and didn’t even find out that the film was a visual album until I had finished it and was looking it up. With a runtime of just over an hour and a half, the film not only covers a lot of thematic ground but also highlights the story of the album in a both visually and sonically interesting way. 

Now, quite a few months after watching it, what I remember in most vivid detail is the main character Jabari and his relationship with his original character. Mr. Rager is partly Jabari’s inner voice and partly his own mouthpiece. Originating in the street art space, Jabari’s creative roots personified through this character follow him even as he rides his bicycle through psychedelic music cuts and the comic book-style animated streets of New York City into the ritzy hallways of the expensive apartment he lives in. Through the act of packaging him up into a replicable, handheld, consumer art, Jabari loses touch to the protest and rebellion tradition that made way for Mr. Rager but gains the socioeconomic mobility and upwards trajectory that allows him to meet his love interest in the story and experience creative growth. 

Criticism of Entergalactic has said that the project is a visual album attempting to be a fully fleshed-out animated film, and not much advancement to the characters or story actually takes place. I’ll disagree by saying this: with music as medium, the meandering between the love story, the inquiry into the creative economy, and quotidian New York City is what makes it so successful as an extended exploration of the music video form, making the album and film both more interpretable in conversation with each other. I think this is part of the reason that the film appealed to me so much. I love music videos, and Entergalactic blows up the parameters of a typical one, allowing the story of the album to shine while still showcasing an aesthetic appeal of the music. The additional story embedded by the film elements, along with Kid Cudi’s own involvement through the entire production project, lends a sense that the film is Kid Cudi doing interpretive work on his own art. It’s both a visual and auditory feast, and comes with my high recommendation for coastal elite, POC Spiderverse enjoyers. 

Recommended double feature:

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 

Beef 

After this weekend’s disaster at the Golden Globes, Anthony Christian Ocampo tweeted something along these lines: this is what happens when representational politics in Hollywood do exactly what they’re intended to do. I’ll try to add my own thoughts to his words: it’s the inevitable platforming of some of the worst Asian Americans you’ve ever met. 

I struggle to use these words to describe Beef because of just how against a politics of representation the story of the series is, but they still apply to the media environment that it was raised in and the allegations (and inactions) that followed the series’ release. Asian Americans are allowed to be terrible, bad, awful people on screen; sometimes, the people playing them are too. 

Representation aside, which I must mention annually at least in passing or I’ll die, Beef is really, really good. Ali Wong’s character takes up Koyohaus like the brand itself is its own being, and I find the idea echoing in my head constantly, especially back at home this winter break in Chantilly and Centreville’s new Asian American yuppie cafes, shoppy shops, and restaurants. Perhaps a bit grossly, I was moved by the cultural anxiety of the things lost with generational upwards social mobility and increasingly esoteric taste, a trait which I share with many of my friends but not much of my family. The show’s depiction of the intersection of East Asian American white adjacency and coastal elite consumer arts makes my skin crawl. I love it. 

As we see spring 2024 syllabi for ‘bad Asians’ proliferate on Twitter and laud projects like Beef and Joy Ride (which comes to mind not a representation of bad Asians per se but perhaps a representation of Asians that is bad) for their distortion of representational politics with ‘bad representation’, I wonder how we can think of those whose actual poor behavior and continual platforming have simultaneously undermined and advanced the open-ended possibilities of ‘bad representation’, and if so, if we can consider cultural productions machines like Hollywood as working in any way except as intended. 

Recommended double feature:

It’s not out yet but I’m going to say the Mr. and Mrs. Smith reboot with Donald Glover and Maya Erskine 

The Book of Mormon 

When Ina and I walked out of the Eugene O’Neill Theater, she admitted to having some anxiety about our seats. We had bought them earlier that same day, meaning they were off to the side of the stage and not next to each other but adjacent in different rows. A kind woman instead offered us the empty one next to her, saying her family had caught COVID and weren’t going to be attending. 

‘If we hadn’t moved, I was going to ask you to sit in front of me,’ Ina had said. 

‘I probably would have blocked your view.’ 

‘But I wanted to see your reactions.’

I would leave it to her to know me better than anyone else, because I hadn’t had quite the visceral reaction to anything in a long time as I had to The Book of Mormon. I went into the show blind, if you can consider growing up around a lot of Mormons and surviving several intensely awkward proselytization attempts ‘blind’, and had no clue of exactly what kind of parody was awaiting me. The Book of Mormon had me scream-laughing, bodily reacting, and probably exhibiting some extremely poor Broadway etiquette. At the same time, the show is so technically and logistically intense that I was blown away by the simple act of extremely talented people performing to the absolute best of their ability, taste level aside. I feel the same way about liking The Book of Mormon this much as I do about really intensely loving Dimension 20 and collecting stickers, in that it’s the type of thing that I would consider outside my typical taste, but really is exactly within it if I choose to be honest with myself. It's a few hours that feel so intensely funny and perfected that it’s almost outside of time. 

The next day, I worked from Ina’s dinner table in Brooklyn and we watched the Mean Girls musical on Youtube, followed immediately by our high school’s production of A Midsummer Night’s Jersey, which is exactly what is sounds like and was performed exactly as good as you would think a high school cast of 90% Koreans who have never been to America would. In the recording, you can hear us and our friends scream-laughing in the audience, both at and with one of our best friends as the lead. This is perhaps why I still find myself drawn to musicals: while I might not have been watching the show directly at that moment in Brooklyn, I had been, nearly five years prior in Yeonhui-dong. What I recalled the most was not the players in front of me but that same feeling of being in that body, surrounded by friends, watching what was at the time the funniest musical I had ever seen, embodied, present, and crying with laughter. 

(My runner-up for the play or musical spot was Spirited Away: Live on Stage, which I caught at a Tuesday night limited run screening at the Angelika in Mosaic. In retrospect, my reflections on that show are much more admiration for the technical aspects of the show, which I know close to nothing about, so I chose my friends instead, of whom I am ten-thousand-hours-studied proficient and hold supreme expertise over.) 

Recommended double feature:

Mean Girls (musical)

Something with zombies 

Conclusion 

This year has brought immense amounts of change to my life and seemingly everyone around mine as well. The turnover of the year marks the fourth that I’ve been near-obsessively cataloging all the media I read, watch, listen to, or generally consume, and at this point I’d like to think my dataset is big enough that I can say a nice few sentences about how my taste has changed since the waning days of my teens or how I’ve been profoundly affected by how I choose to cultivate my media environment, but the truth is that there’s nothing much to say, no grand conclusions to be drawn, no effectual change. Perhaps the only constant is the person who I was when I was seventeen peeking through, who sometimes feels like the most solidified version of who I am. I wonder if they’d like Hadestown. 

[boywithskull]

Songs I Associate with Theo Decker

I think about this stuff a lot. (tw: brief reference to attempted suicide)

1. For No One by The Beatles 

Why? This song pretty much tells the story of Pippa and Theo’s relationship/friendship. “ You want her, you need her/ And yet you don't believe her/ When she says her love is dead/ You think she needs you”

Theo’s attachment to Pippa is unreciprocated. He thinks he needs her (in reality, he projects the loss of his mother onto her, as one of his connections to Audrey and the incident) and kind of deludes himself into thinking she feels the same way. Pippa, however, has to be away from him in order to heal.

2. Lost Weekend by Lloyd Cole and the Commotions

Lyrics: “It took a lost weekend in a hotel in Amsterdam/ Twenty-four gone years to conclude in tears.” Basically when Theo takes the pills in Amsterdam, so this one is sorta obvious. After all the years of trying to find direction and be happy after Audrey’s death, that’s how he feels it’s going to end.

3. Hard Feelings by Lorde

Lyrics:  “Cause I remember the rush when forever was us/ Before all of the winds of regret and mistrust/ Now we sit in your car and our love is a ghost”

This is a boreo song through and through, specifically when they meet again as adults and Theo finds out about Boris stealing the painting. The “rush” of their adolescent years contrasted against the “winds of regret and mistrust” of the present day. 

4. Bloodbuzz Ohio by The National 

Lyrics: “I still owe money to the money, to the money I owe/I never thought about love when I thought about home.” I don’t really have any specific reasons here, just the idea of not feeling loved or at home anywhere after Audrey’s death, and always feeling burdened with something.

5. Pictures of You by The Cure 

Lyrics:  “I've been looking so long at these pictures of you/ That I almost believe that they're real.” Originally, I’m assuming this was written in reference to a romantic relationship, but in a Goldfinch context, you can apply it to Theo’s inability to move on from not only Audrey, but from who he was when she passed away.

Miscellaneous songs based on vibes alone: Authority by The Church; Heart It Races by Architecture in Helsinki; Epiphany by Taylor Swift; Sight of You by Pale Saints; Pale Blue Eyes by The Velvet Underground; Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC :D

[pavlikovskaya]

when theo and boris tripped together and not only did theo not even need to finish his sentences because boris was practically reading his mind, which is something i’ll talk about later, but when boris goes ‘i wish we’d got something colour though’ and everything suddenly captures colour, i think that’s exactly what boris did to theo’s world. before, before the accident, before vegas, theo’s life had been a flat, two dimensional black and white film, living from one day to the next, not really feeling anything other than grief and even that eventually becoming a dull, background kind of pain that never stopped and he somehow just began... living with it and by the time he came to vegas he was basically numb, a shell of a person, not really caring if he was lonely, in the middle of fucking nowhere, a literal desert, stolen away and isolated from everyone and everything he knew, left stranded to float on top of it all wherever the current blew him; in other words, not living, just killing time. well, in the middle of all that, this whirlwind of a person, this fucking .... hurricane of accents and rage against the system, hate towards capitalism, way too smart and opinionated for his own good, teenage alcoholic, goth looking mess of a boy comes and literally knocks the wind out of him (on repeated occasions) and practically beats the shit out of him back to life. boris, as monochromatic as he is, actually has a whole spectrum of colours (and i’m not only talking about his bruises and the occasional crimson sweater) that draws theo in, his fearlessness and boldness are. exactly what pull theo out of his shell and get him to experience life, taste it, find himself and become who he is. boris is not just an element that ‘gave colour’ to his world, but the pillar of his existence, the core of his self and much like their trip on lsd, they were creating their own world together.

[bisansastarks]

”I could further explain on how it's important the moon motif was brought up again for the final time (in the most flagrantly romantic way Donna pulled no punches) and how that relates to the double meaning” PLEASE DO!!!

So i just drank a very heavy beer HERE GOES NOTHING. 

The moon motif is actually cleverly brought up before we even know what it is. The chapter that introduces Boris is titled  Badr Al Dine which Boris explains when he meets Theo (in a rambling omg cute boy is talking to me let me word vomit everything interesting I know, way) was his muslim name which means Moon of Faith. Cool, you think and move the fuck on with your life bc seriously this kid is RAMBLING. 

Then we have Theo actually introduce or explain the motif that Donna is utilitizing herE. Theo, at the heart of the story is a boy who desperately misses his mom. He’s in Vegas, basically an orphan for all that Larry does (FUCK LARRY FOR LIFE) and thinks about something Audrey said. She said when she was in Kansas she used to get homesick and she would look at the moon because she knows the people she loved would be looking up at the same moon. 

Donna Tartt, flagrantly holding all our hands bc WE WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE IS PUTTING DOWN, then has Boris who is sleeping in the bed next to him wake up and Theo asks him rather inanely is the moon the same in Indonesia? To which Boris responds, of course it is stupid. The moon is the same everywhere. 

Theo and Boris continue to hang out in the moonlight while avoiding talking about their feelings. Theo even has a “false moon” moment with Pippa when he goes to New York. He describes sitting outside with her and looking at the moon and having great long talks and how connected to her he felt….and then when they went inside they felt like strangers once more. Yeah, Donna isn’t subtle with her moon motif and I love her for that. 

The moon is knowing you’re apart from someone but they’re still intrinsically your home, your safe place to weather the storm. It is NOT just being in the same place.

The moon pops up again when Boris and Theo are in Amsterdam and it’s the most ominous moon mention. Which makes sense because they are headed for doom. Their relationship Is also at their rockiest. They’ve been separated for a decade and the painting stands between them. Is the moon still the moon? Are they still the same boys clinging to each other like cast aways ?

Of course Theo gets his answer when Boris, a character defined by his will to survive, is ready to lay down his life on the off chance that Theo and the painting can escape. And Theo, oh Theo, once a sweet kid who adopted a dog bc Xandra abused it, and cleaned Boris’ cuts, kills a man to protect Boris. HE ALSO DOESN’T ONCE CONSIDER THE PAINTING. The painting he obsessed over worse than his oxys. The painting that represented both his trauma and his love for his mother. 

So we have two characters who still have not had a goddamn conversation and we’re being told this through Theo’s repression manuscript lense, but they’ve realized in this moment what they would do for each other. And how can someone not be integral to who you are, your home, your safe place, the goddamn moon, after all of that. 

So finally (tipsy Angela rambles excuse me) we get to the Antwerp loft. Again I must remind you of two things. 1. Donna Tartt is not anti drug. 2. We are limited to the scope of Theo writing this through his repression. 

Theyr’e watching a movie just like Las Vegas, and it’s It’s A Wonderful Life. What scene does Donna have Theo describe? ANY iconic scene in the movie? NO OF COURSE IT”S  A ROMANTIC MOMENT ABOUT THE MOON. Here is the dialogue. 

George: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.Mary: I’ll take it. Then what?George: Well, then you could swallow it, and it’d all dissolve, see? And the moonbeams shoot out of your fingers and your toes, and the ends of your hair… Am I talking too much?Old Man: Yes! Why don’t you kiss her instead of talking her to death?George: How’s that?Old Man: Why don’t you kiss her instead of talking her to death?George: Want me to kiss her, huh?Old Man: Ah, youth is wasted on the wrong people!

So we have Theo and Boris in their apartment avoiding their feelings as per usual (Theo: do I really have to say it?. DO I REALLY HAVE TO TELL YOU I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE?) and we have the characters in the movie who are kind of arguing in a bantery way and George says “That’s a pretty good idea, I’ll give you the moon.” And what does Mary say? 

I’LL TAKE IT. 

It’s about giving and receiving. They both know now what they mean to each other. They’re talking around each other but they know each other. They know the other’s heart. ALSO DONNA, pls, in It’s a Wonderful Life a character tells them they should stop talking and kiss……god I love her. 

So, they’re watching this movie about the moon and how the characters should just shut up and kiss, and they’re talking about Boris’ drug use. Now I fundamentally disagree this is Theo AT ALL separating himself from Boris. I want these kids to be healthier but Theo is not anti drug yall. HE doesn’t want boris to use needles. FULL STOP. Theo uses pills because he wants control and he finds it safer. Boris uses a needle because he’s always craved oblivion. But either way, Theo would like him to tone it down. 

But we also know Theo partly agrees with him. HE SAYS SO. In a rambly somewhat pretentious end monologue, about how like Boris he believes in chasing the holy rage calling your name. About how sometimes you want things deemed bad, by society, and you cannot hide from your true nature. 

What true nature? Being a drug addict? Is Donna Tartt’s ultimate thesis do drugs? NO. This book is about love and how it can save us. Our love of art and how it makes it immortal. And our love of each other and how it can save two trauma ridden boys being blown around by a storm. 

So, on my deathbed I will crave it. I’ll give you the moon. 

(if you liked my ramblings and would like to be more in your feelings about these boys and the moon listen to this song and read this amazing fic I feel like I fever dreamed)

[glowingshadows]

ohhh my god the implications of the goldfinch painting and theo being paralleled across the entire story. the painting being one of the sole survivors of the explosion in fabritius’ studio, just like theo in the bombing at the met, and their existences being interconnected from that moment onwards. the goldfinch, against all odds, surviving two explosions and hundreds of years, just like theo, who shouldn’t have survived in the explosion, or the following years of being passed along across different homes. because the painting is theo, and theo is the painting. that’s why he’s so attached to it, why he continues to be connected so deeply with it.

then think about the fact that theo kept the painting hidden away for so long, all the years after vegas keeping it wrapped in newspaper (at least to his knowledge), locked away in a container, the only other person whom he showed it to [willingly] being boris. if the painting is a metaphor for theo’s true self, then that means that theo has only ever really shown boris his true self that night in vegas, and kept it hidden from the rest of the world. he didn’t tell hobie, or pippa, or kitsey about the painting, much less let them see it. boris is the only one who theo showed the painting to, and therefore the only one that theo has ever let himself be truly seen by.

then take into consideration that boris stole the painting from theo. why did boris steal the painting? we’re told that it’s because he’s a thief, at least that’s what he admits to theo. but it’s not just that, is it? by taking the painting, boris is taking not just a part of theo himself, but his very essence, a physical manifestation of theo that he can keep for himself, albeit selfishly, so that even if theo leaves, he would always be somewhat connected to him. that’s why boris didn’t try too hard to give the painting back when theo left vegas. because he knew that theo could be lost to him forever, and the painting would be the only thing left of theo that he could keep.

and then couple that with the ending. the painting is brought back to the authorities, back to the museum, where it belongs. who else is brought back to someone, or something, that assumed would be lost to them forever? boris lost theo, just like the museum lost the painting—a precious, beloved thing, valued to them above all else—and theo is brought back to boris, the painting returned — both ending up where they belong.

[boryas]

back with your regularly scheduled discourse!! so i think boris lied about having a wife and kids for a couple reasons, but primarily because he's a criminal. let me explain. first of all, he doesn't lie about it just for theo. if he has a wife and children, he has people to notice when he goes missing and who would care enough about him to keep looking for him when he's gone. while thats never a 100% foolproof plan to evade murder, i think he's probably charismatic enough to know when to pick at the family man schtick if he's ever in a situation like that and get it swung in his favor. this pretty much establishes why he has a supposedly false story ready at the drop of a hat, complete with details that garner the most sympathy (I haven't even met my six week old) and why the punnet squares on those runts don't really check out. i think he lies about it to theo just to seem more adult/proper/what have you, but its a story he's told many times.

[quidfree]

this is kind of out of the blue but since you’re (or were) planning on goldfinch fic at some point i was wondering if you could disclose some thoughts on it? love your commentary in your author’s notes

god anon i have so many thoughts on that book it could fill half a tartt novel ! where to begin? upon consideration i’ve decided to drop some of my controversial goldfinch opinions below but feel free to ask again if you wanted to hear my thoughts on something specific

1. the single most disturbing and poignant part of the book is actually theo running into platt and learning the details of andy’s death. no spiralling addiction or parental death quite hits that surreal, cold sweat horror of andy barbour, loather of boats and reluctant passenger, swept overboard into the black seas. i love the water and it still made me viscerally discomfited. and the layers to it- kitsey should have, could have been there, would not have died, could have avoided any deaths- deliciously cruel. i know the barbours are not primary characters in the book but i think there’s really a lot to be analysed with regards to them and the way they play off theo. kitsey herself is a very fine character that i liked very much to have on the page. and i loved andy.

2. theo and boris might love each other very much (which they explicitly do) -> be in love with each other (which they arguably are), but that doesn’t mean that they’re devoted to each other in some grandiose love-conquers-all type of way. i mean this in the sense that a lot of people take the snideness and the bite out of their interactions but also in the sense that, for eg, when boris and theo run into each other in ny and they’re in the car, boris doesn’t trust theo (thinks theo knows about the painting and is trying to get back at him) to the point where he goes calculating and cold and makes significant mobster eye contact with his driver. like, people tend to ignore this scrupulously when they characterize them but boris is a cool pragmatist beneath the effusive emotiveness (hello, not running away to new york in the first place) and his seeming undying friendship has its limits. this is just one example but they’re both selfish, suspicious creatures. and i say this as a ride or die theo/boris type. it just makes their dynamic all the more messy and interesting.

3. theo’s relationship with pippa is actually extremely important and it’s hard to say who would come first to him if he had to choose. yes, pippa is correct to say that they’re fundamentally caught together on the basis of their trauma, but the same goes for boris and theo in many regards, so discarding theo and pippa’s clear muddled infatuation/affection because of the theo-boris thing is turning a blind eye to one of theo’s most telling relationships in tgf. i would also argue that pippa is a foil to theo, kitsey AND boris all in one, at a relatively obvious level of the text. people not mentioning pippa at all in their goldfinch adjacent works is just misogyny.

4. the goldfinch ends on an extremely dour philosophical note, but it is possible to write stories that get to a happier point without ignoring the ideas that theo engages with at the end of the book. the most obvious way to do so is just to take theo for the sour and unreliable narrator that he is- we have literal chapters of his warped perspective that get in-text corrections from boris, so we know he lies constantly. the end of the book is an accurate reflection of theo then, just back to the city stuck on some tragic plan for pippa’s hand and trying to restablize after the implosion of his new reality, but try again in two months, a year, five, you know? the second method of choice would just to have this perspective challenged and debated- whether by deus ex intervention, direct dialogue (boris, hobie, kitsey, pippa, whoever) or just events unfolding in such a way that theo budges on some point or other, maybe accepting the beauty he revolves around in slightly broader forms than he’d surmised. my point is really just that it feels disingenuous not to acknowledge his mentality by the last point we see him.

5. the best character by far is actually mr bracegirdle. second best character is popchik. any other suggestions are incorrect.

6. i think my favourite bit of fanon (in a surprising way, actually, considering how i usually veer clear of anything too openly sweet or cutesy w tartt characters) is hands-down theo giving boris the emerald earrings. it works because there’s ways to make it work, and symbolically it’s just too good. what’s mine is yours is mine and theo post-kitsey drunkenly and bitterly thinking about the necklace, and pippa, and what a bad idea that would be, and so just thrusting them at boris (“here, bet you know someone to sell these to”) in a moment of poor decision-making (“always black moods, potter”); boris knowing theo and knowing quality jewellery and so not selling them at all, wearing them as cufflinks or one dangly earring or a pendant enough time later that theo has to blink twice to recognise them. boris maybe even knowing, from pictures, from memory, seeing how canon boris still recollects so much of audrey with ease, and so boris being careful. or not. either way it’s lovely stuff.

incidentally after my exams this week i plan on finally reading TSH so if it hits the same way goldfinch does expect great willingness to discuss the subject too!

[deckerswheeler]

hi guys! how is everyone doing? i’ve been pretty stressed lately, which is why i haven’t been posting. 

have you guys seen the bts pics from s4 filming?! i’ve seen two new characters one named eddie, and the other idk the name of. but they’re both pretty grunge looking and i’m excited to see their arcs! 

i still haven’t started reading the little friend because i haven’t had the motivation to start a 600+ page book in the middle of the school year :( 

[thenewgothicromance]

“Craved it constantly”

So I know we’ve all talked a lot about drugs as a symbols in The Goldfinch but I want to talk a little bit more how heroin is specifically used throughout the book to symbolize love and sexuality.

Heroin is only mentioned a handful of times in the book, but each mention has its own interesting and meaningful implications. I think I’ve picked them all out here.

1. The first mention of heroin is on page 445, when Theo tells us that he only does it on offer, saying, “As much as I loved it, and craved it constantly, I never bought it. There would never be a reason to stop.”

On first mention, Theo identifies heroin as something he badly wants, but denies himself. And something that he knows, if he allowed himself, he could never escape. Already very loaded.

2. The next time heroin is mentioned, it’s when he’s confronting Kitsey about cheating on his with Tom. In this conversation Kitsey first, of course, tells him, “I don’t expect you to understand but it’s rough being in love with the wrong person.”

To which Theo’s narration tells us, “But who better knew the truth of what she was saying than me?”

Theo of course means, and wants us to believe, that the “wrong person,” he is in love with is Pippa. But we know (Theo tells us explicitly later on) that he isn’t really in love with Pippa at all - he’s simply attached to the idea of her, in his grief over losing his mother and her periphery to it.

So what, then, would it really mean, for Theo to know better than anyone that it’s rough to be in love with the wrong person?

Before we can ponder that too long, Kitsey gives us another line to chew on.

“I know all about your things, and I don’t care.”

To which Theo says, “Things?” (italics from the original text).

Kitsey then only mentions one thing, despite it having been brought to our attention that she knows of, plural, things.

First she says Theo has “straightened up” since they’ve been together, to which Theo asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

We haven’t even gotten to the heroin yet and this conversation is loaded with queer subtext. She knows about his secrets, being with her has “straightened” him up–but then she tells him, “Tessa told Em she stopped seeing you after she caught you snorting heroin at her kitchen table.”

Theo quickly denies that it was heroin, but the message is clear. Not only is heroin something Theo craves yet denies himself, but it’s now identified as something he denies in front of others, and something that would make a girl stop seeing him when he was “caught” with it. Not only are these things established, but they are explicitly applied to heroin over other drugs - Theo mentions that Tessa, for whom heroin was a dealbreaker, did “blow” (a sexually loaded term in itself), letting us know the drug being discussed is not coincidental.

3. Heroin next comes up when they are in Amsterdam discussing Sascha, and Gyuri says, “Sascha shoots heroin the way that you and I breathe.”

We don’t ever learn much about Sascha, beyond his involvement in art theft, but we DO learn that he’s gay.

Boris says, of the boy that gets away with the painting after they are held up, “…that was Sascha’s boyfriend!”

4. After they lose the painting and Boris drives Theo back to his hotel, he gives Theo a little bag of unnamed drugs. This is the when heroin begins to be associated with Boris exclusively. Not only has heroin thus far appeared in ways that seem to symbolized repressed desire, but for the rest of the novel we will be often reminded that this is relevant concerning Boris in particular.

Later, in hotel room, Theo tells us it’s heroin in the bag, and that there is a “rainbow skull” printed on the side. Enough said.

5. Heroin is mentioned, along with cocaine, as one of the words Theo searches for in a newspaper when he is looking for news of Boris.

6. It is, then, Boris’ heroin that Theo uses in his suicide attempt. There are a few ways to look at this.

Theo views his suicide as being euthanized. In his letter to Hobie he compares himself to a “sick puppy” he and his mother once found on the street that had to be put down. His secrets, his things are getting the best of him. He is succumbing to his secrets metaphorically, but literally, he is succumbing to the heroin. They are one of the same. The drugs, we know are not his secret. So what is? We’ll get back to that.

The other way to look at it is, particularly since Theo is not successful in his attempt, a rebirth. Theo is “dying” in order to be born again, into a new world in which he will soon learn that he is free of his biggest secret: the painting.

Because the painting is, of course, Theo’s biggest secret.

But the painting itself is a symbol. It’s a symbol for many things throughout the book - for Theo’s mother, for his younger and more innocent self, for the core of himself and his desires - but overall, as is made clear at the end of the book, it is a symbol of love. Theo tells us that love has followed the painting, “down through time,” that he himself is immortal in his love for it. Theo’s secret is the painting, and the painting is love, which makes Theo’s secret, at the end of the day, love. And it is this secret, this love, that he is being subsumed by, as he takes the heroin.

Love for whom, again? Whose heroin is it, that he’s taking?

7. Our last mention of heroin is, of course, by Boris, as he shoots up in Antwerp. This scene - the final scene in the book - is loaded with coded imagery (don’t even get me started on the moon business) but their actions and conversations are centered around this action, and their conversation about it. The themes and phrasing perfectly mirror the first ever mention we got of heroin.

Boris says of heroin that “On [his] deathbed [he] will crave it,” just as Theo said he “…loved it, and craved it constantly.”

Theo asks him if he’s thought of quitting, and Boris says, “Why should I?” just as Theo said, “There would never be a reason to stop.”

Their desire is mutual. And it is, in fact, this conversation that prompts Theo to the revelation that, “we can’t escape who we are,” (and notably compares resisting that to his father trying to have a wife and child).

The map through these seven mentions looks like this

A nearly irresistible but denied desire —> a desire that is secret, not “straight,” and unsuitable for a relationship with a woman —> specifically the desire of a man who loves other men —> a desire that Boris grants Theo —> a desire specifically associated with Boris —> a desire to, at the end of the day, be consumed by love —> a desire that Theo and Boris share, and cannot escape.