#the hairdresser was super nice too..said she always saw me and that she liked my accent

[hypnosister]

there is something very lovely and sisterly in the world that all trans women get to share with eachother. don’t ever forget that

[yungidreamer]

Made Up

Summary: Our threesome is back again learning and growing. Yunho, Mingi, and their girl try their first day of being out and find the reactions of those around them to be difficult to anticipate.

Wordcount: 7.3k

Content warnings: Some cute moments and humor followed by some less happy moments. Angry sex that is a little rough, some coitus interruptus, and a little resolution.

They stepped through the doors to the third floor salon. It was the second place they had called yesterday, after deciding to move up their day of prissying themselves up, and had thankfully had space for both of the boys, and even her. It had been years since she had let anyone else do something to her hair. She took care of it, mostly kept it up and out of the way, so it was in decent condition. Still, she had some split ends and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get a trim. In the end with all the changes the boys were thinking of making, maybe it was time for her to do a little something as well.

They checked in at the counter and waited for each of their names to be called. None of them had told the others what it was they had decided to get done, wanting it to be a surprise. Yunho was brought back first, then their girl, and finally Mingi.

“Mingi,” said the chipper lean man with well cared for skin and a stylish long undercut. Mingi nodded and stood up, following him back along the long but narrow area where the stylists worked. He could see their girl in the back at a sink getting her hair washed. Yunho was in his chair, chuckling and chatting with the woman foiling his hair to bleach it a little lighter, especially the roots. Yunho met his eyes as he passed, offering a little wave as he went by. They stopped a few seats down, and Mingi flopped himself in the chair, looking at the man behind him through the mirror.

“My name is Jonny,” the man greeted as he started to examine Mingi’s hair. “It’s lovely to meet you today Mingi. So tell me, what are we doing today?”

“I want to go lighter,” Mingi started, running his fingers through his hair noting the dark roots he had developed as it had grown out. “And want to clean up the undercut, but keep the top longer.”

“That is a great choice, hun,” Jonny complemented. “With your long face, it would look really good. Let’s start lightening the color and then we will work on the cut.”

“Okay,” Mingi nodded, letting him throw the apron around him and set the chair at the right height.

“So is this for an occasion or something special,” Jonny asked, not really looking at him as he started to get some things ready to get started on bleaching his hair.

“Yeah, kinda,” Mingi hedged for a moment, trying to decide how to answer. He doubted either Yunho or their girl were near enough to hear, but overcoming the fear of being judged wasn’t about them hearing it was it? “The three of us are having a late Christmas gift. Our girlfriend got us reservations at a nice restaurant in the city.”

“Our girlfriend?” Jonny asked, flashing a slightly confused look at him as he started mixing the toner.

“Ye-yeah,” Mingi cleared his throat and tried to put on the air of confidence he used to hide behind as a kid. “The pretty one over there,” he pointed at their girl who was currently having a section of hair on one side of her head bleached. “And the cute guy we walked by,” he pointed at Yunho a few seats away. “We’re all together. Almost two years now, actually.” The last sentence came almost as a realization to himself. Had they really been together that long? It didn’t seem like it, and yet, at the same time, it felt like they had already been together forever.

“All three of you?” Jonny asked, looking between all of them, a little surprise filling his eyes. “Pfft, so unfair. Even at your age all the cute ones are taken.” Relief flooded Mingi. He had been a little surprised but nothing more, and his comment that all the cute ones were taken, yeah, that felt good to hear. They continued their chitchat, talking about a lot of nothing, with lots of laughter, making the time pass like a flash. Honestly, he had been so caught up in chatting with Jonny, and watching him do his work, that he hadn’t even remembered to try and sneak a peek at either Yunho or their girl.

When he finally remembered to try, the hairdressers kept being in the way. He was impatient and curious, now that it had crossed his mind. Jonny laughed as he saw Mingi crane his neck as he turned to try and get a peek.

“Hun, we are almost done,” he gave a high nasally laugh. “Just don’t move while I have the clippers. We don’t want any accidents.”

“Sorry,” Mingi gave a chagrined smile and stayed looking in the direction the man guided his head. He dutifully sat as Jonny expertly buzzed around him, trimming and shaping the lower part of Mingi’s hair. He had really needed this cut. They had been so busy with school that both he and Yunho had let their hair just grow out over the last few months. He didn’t mind, but it had started to look more and more messy rather than, as he had told himself, carefree. But for the dinner, he wanted to look good, he wanted to look like someone they could be proud of.

Jonny turned him, giving him a few final checks to make sure that he had everything just right, before he brushed the last of the stray hairs off his neck and took off the apron. With a wink he told him, “Okay, hun, go see your loves.”

Mingi jumped off his seat and moved down the length of the room to see what everyone else looked like. He found their girl first getting some last instructions about how to keep the color in her hair and a few tips about keeping her hair up and healthy. Most of her hair didn’t look too different, pulled back in a braided bun at the back of her head with the silver comb. But a section on the right side of her forehead had been left down and was now a vibrant violet that flowed down one side of her face.

“Whaaa,” Mingi breathed, drawing up behind them. “You look so good, babe.”

“You like it?” She asked, smiling at him through the mirror. “It’s not too much?”

“It’s perfect,” Mingi grinned as he reached out to touch her shoulder. “You’re gorgeous with that color.”

“Thank you,” she held his hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You are looking pretty good yourself. I like the light color...actually...you look a little like a Viking. Hot.”

“Should I go and plunder something,” he straightened up and put on a tough face. “Bring you home some treasure from distant lands?” 

“Oh honey,” she giggled. “I’d love that, but you and boats are not always a great mix.”

“Hey now,” he protested, hands on hips. “I’ve only had a few chances with boats and like, at least 50% of them have not ended up with all of us in the water.”

“Let’s get that percentage up to like...90% before you take a boat off to war,” her voice quivered with a barely suppressed snicker.

“You gonna teach me?” Mingi pressed a kiss to her cheek, using his hand on her chest and neck to hold her there for it. Her eyes widened at the gesture but she recovered quickly, leaning into his soft lips.

“Anything you’d like, my love,” she agreed.

“What do we have here,” Yunho chuckled as he joined them, running his fingers through his shock of blue-green hair, somewhere between teal and turquoise. The color looked amazing on him, the cheery yet calm color matched his personality so well, it felt like he should have been born with it.

“Wow,” she breathed, starting to turn towards him as Mingi straightened up. “I love it.”

“You look… so good,” Mingi’s eyes went a little wide and he shook his head a little as if it would help clear the fuzz from his mind.

“You like it?” Yunho questioned, looking at both of them. Mingi nodded, his eyes falling to Yunho’s quirked, perfect Cupid’s bow lips. The other boy noticed, and butterflies burst to life in his chest in the second before Mingi leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Yunho froze, shock momentarily stopping his body from functioning. Mingi had made a move, reaching for Yunho while the eyes of strangers were on them. When the surprise had finished washing through him, Yunho happily leaned into the kiss, putting his hands on Mingi’s jean covered hips.

“Awww,” said the girl who had done their girls hair. “You two are super cute.”

“Aren’t they?” Their girl said, grinning up at them.

“They are all together,” Jonny said, coming up behind her to hang off the other stylists shoulder. “Isn’t it cute… and completely unfair. I can’t even find one person who will put up with me, and they all have two.”

“How do you… okay, I think I shouldn’t ask what almost came out of my mouth there,” the stylist said, her voice petering out as the sentence went on.

“I can’t promise we’ll answer but,” their girl shrugged as she stood up and joined her boys. “You can ask if you are curious.”

“Just… is it like everything all together?” She skirted, trying to be tactful as she asked.

“Pretty much,” their girl nodded. “It works out pretty well when you figure it out. And it really helps when it all sort of started that way. It’s always been the three of us with most everything.”

“And again, I weep,” Jonny said dramatically. “I can’t find that with even one person.”

“You will,” Mingi assured him. “You’re really nice and funny.” He smiled and gave him a reassuring thumbs up as he kept one arm around Yunho’s waist.

“You… are… so cute,” Jonny put a hand to his heart and giggled. “If you ever break up, come back and track me down. Not that I’m holding my breath, okay?”

“Mmm,” Yunho narrowed his eyes at Jonny mostly jokingly but somewhere behind his eyes was a little spark of he’s mine. “I definitely suggest not holding your breath on that.” Leaning in to kiss the side of Mingi’s neck, even as he kept his eyes on the other man. Mingi blushed and giggled, a wide grin spreading across his face.

“Don’t you ever, get jealous?” Her stylist asked, looking between her and the two boys. 

Their girl paused to think before answering. “No… well not really. I mean, sometimes I wonder if they really need me around, but I’m going to do better about saying something when I get those doubts.”

“She is the very best person,” Mingi said, going to her, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

“Our girl is the glue,” Yunho agreed, hugging the both of them with his long arms. “And the smartest.”

“Pfft,” she rolled her eyes. “Please. Liiiieeees!”

“No, it’s true,” Mingi nodded fervently. “You are so good to both of us. We probably don’t deserve you.”

“You do,” she assured him. “I’m lucky to have both of you.” 

“Come on loves,” Yunho said as he touched them both gently. “We have more to do today.” With a last few thanks, they headed to the front of the shop to pay and head off to their next stop. With their dinner upcoming Mingi wanted to get a new suit and she needed a dress. They’d had places in mind before coming, having found shops only a couple of blocks apart. She would slip into her shop to get a little something she could wear, keeping it a little surprise for the night of the reservation, while the boys went together to get a suit fitted for Mingi.

Yunho and Mingi dropped their girl off at her shop and made their way to the suit and tailoring shop Mingi had decided to get his suit at. When they stepped into the shop they were immediately greeted by a very well dressed man who came to ask, in a slightly obsequious voice, how he could help them today. Slightly startled, Mingi stepped a little closer to Yunho at the man’s sudden appearance.

“We need to get a suit for my friend here,” Yunho answered, putting a steadying hand on Mingi’s lower back. “We have a special event on Friday and we were hoping to get something that was at least fitted for him, if not made for him.”

“Oh wonderful,” he said with a nod. “We should be able to get something made for you in a couple of days if we get it off to the team soon. Let’s get started. Please follow me.”

Both the boys looked at each other, excited about getting something new and fancy for Mingi to wear for the dinner. They were led towards the back of the store where the man set Mingi on a round built in step in front of a set of mirrors. While Mingi took off his extra layers to let the man measure him, Yunho took a seat in a cushy leather armchair a little off to the side.

“What were you thinking of for looks?” The man asked as he expertly whipped his measuring tape around Mingi’s outstretched limbs.

“I don’t know,” Mingi admitted, watching the man through the mirror. “I think I want something in light grey since Yunho’s suit is light grey.”

“Yunho?” The man questioned, without looking up from his work.

“Me,” Yunho replied from his seat in the chair. The man only nodded, kneeling down to measure Mingi’s inseam.

“Alright,” he stood up and tucked his notebook into his pocket. “Let’s look at some fabric.” They wandered over to a wall of gray fabric all gathered together along one section of a wall. The number of options felt overwhelming. Yes, they were all grey, but there were so many different shades, patterns, and textures. He had never seen such a sea of gray.

“What looks good to you?” The man asked, clasping his hands in front of him with a smile.

“I think something simple,” Mingi began. “Ummm, maybe not a strong pattern at least.”

“Good, maybe something classic?” The man nodded,  touching the first knuckle of his finger to his chin before pulling a couple of choices off the shelf for a closer look. While the man and Mingi looked at a few more options in the light gray, some checked, some heathers, and a few that were almost solid, Yunho stepped over a few shelves, drawn to a charcoal gray fabric sitting among the darker colors. It was a sort of heather, almost solid, with a fine grain to the fabric which almost gave it a sheen when the light hit it.

“Hey Mingi,” Yunho called as he looked at it on the shelf. “What about this one, I really like it. I think the color would be really good on you.”

“You think so? More than the light gray like yours?” Mingi asked, coming up beside him. 

“I think this,” he tapped on the fabric as the man came near to see for himself. “Would be an amazing color on you.”

“You think it’s okay if we don’t, sort of match?” An insecurity tinged Mingi’s voice. He wanted to look like he was with both of them, he didn’t want to seem like he was standing apart anymore.

“I think this is the perfect color for you.” Yunho agreed. “Matching isn’t the only thing that will say you’re with us, you know.”

“I think this color would be great on you,” the man agreed as he pulled it off over the shelf. “It would be great on your skin. Maybe with something bold like red or dark blue?”

“Red,” Mingi said excitedly. “Like a dark red.”

“Come with me,” The man said with a satisfied grin. He led them to a part of the room with shelves and shelves of button down shirts. From one of the top shelves, he pulled down a shirt of deep red, somewhere near the shade of a garnet, deep and rich. “What do you think?”

“Yes, that, I want that.” Mingi nodded eagerly.

“Good, good,” the man nodded with a pleased face. “Now let’s build your suit.”

The three of them sat down and picked out all the customizable elements of Mingi’s suit. They chose notch lapels and minimal padding in his shoulders, given how broad and well shaped he was already. They kept the profile smooth, opting for a welted pocket at the chest and no flaps on his waist pockets. Mingi chose to have two vents on his back since it gave a little sleeker look for his shape. For his lining, he picked a red paisley that felt fun and classic, even if no one was going to see it. At the prompting of the man who had measured him, he chose to get a matching vest with tightly set buttons down the center and a slightly rounded neckline.

“You are going to look so good in this,” Yunho said eagerly as they finalized the details. “I’m even more excited for dinner now. You’re sure you can get this done in a few days?”

“Yes, absolutely, you can pick it up in the early afternoon Friday,” He nodded confidently. “Was there anything else you needed?”

“Actually,” Yunho looked a little shy as he decided to bring it up. “Do you happen to have a tie and pocket square that is something close to my hair color?”

“Hmmm, let’s see what we have,” the man walked confidently to a back corner of the store where ties in more colors than either of the boys thought was possible. With a quick assessing glance at Yunho’s freshly colored head, he turned to the section filled with blues and greens and pulled out three or four in the turquoise to sea green section. Standing Yunho in front of a mirror, he draped them over his shoulders to let him see them on himself.

“Do you like this color?” He asked, holding up a tealish turquoise. 

Yunho nodded, then added, “Is there something like this but maybe not quite so bright?”

“How about this?” The man picked up one with a plaid pattern to it in shades of teal and very fine shots of black which accented the pattern. The mix of shades, leaning heavily towards teals and not overly saturated.

“Yes,” Yunho replied firmly. “I love this. It’s perfect. What about a pocket square?”

“I have just the thing to go with this,” the man grinned excitedly before leaning down to open one of the drawers below, pulling out a little box with a pleased flourish. He opened it revealing the same tie, a pocket square in the same pattern and a set of button cufflinks capped with the same material.

“Perfect,” Mingi grabbed his arm excitedly from beside him, giving him a quick kiss to his cheek and bouncing slightly. Yunho laughed and leaned his head towards the other boy. 

“What about for you, young man?” He directed the question to Mingi.

“Yes, maybe something that is the same color as the suit?” Mingi suggested, eyes scanning the wall. The man nodded and pulled out a few recommendations from the selection for them to look at. After a few tries, they settled on a dark grey tie with a barely there floral pattern woven into it, which was also a full set with a pocket square and cufflinks. The man cleared his throat and took the boxes with him to the register where Mingi��s shirt and suit order were waiting for them. He took a number for Mingi, to let him know when everything was done or to call if they had any issues, checked them out at the register and wished them a very good day before heading back to the employee only area behind a solid wooden door at the back of the shop.

Mingi and Yunho exited the shop and headed out on the street with their large paper bags hooked around their wrists. Just as Yunho was about to call their girl to check in on her, he noticed her relaxing against the brick wall of the building, entertaining herself by scrolling through her phone as she stood quietly, holding a bag of her own.

“Hey, love,” He greeted, coming close to her. “You should have said you were done, you could have joined us.”

“I know,” she smiled, tucking her phone into her bag. “I want Mingi’s look to be a surprise though.”

“Okay, as long as you know we would have been happy to have you,” Yunho told her, leaning in to kiss the top of her head before lifting her up into a big hug.

“What’s left?” Mingi asked, holding her and rocking slightly as her feet dangled off the ground.

“Makeup, sweetheart,” she replied, smiling into his shoulder.

“How are you doing that today?” Mingi asked, slightly confused.

“I have a look in mind and I need to buy some new makeup to do it with,” she explained. “Plus if we go to a proper counter, I can get some tips and see what the stuff looks like on me.”

“Can I get some too?” Mingi asked as the idea flitted through his mind that… he wanted to look pretty too.

“Do you want to?” She pulled back to look at him, a little surprise showing in the angle of her eyebrows.

“I don’t know,” Mingi suddenly felt a little self conscious. “Would it look bad on me?”

“No babe,” Yunho said, stepping in. “You’d look amazing. I think we should all get it done.”

“No that’s a good idea,” she agreed. “I haven’t done anything on someone else, but maybe I can watch when they do yours and help you with it on Friday.”

“Okay,” Mingi grinned. “Let’s go then.”

“Alright then, just a final touch,” the woman said as she leaned in to brush a last little bit of eye shadow on Mingi’s lid as their girl hovered nearby, taking mental notes. Yunho already had his look, a light natural one that really just made his eyes pop and with a light gloss that made his lips look just that shade more kissable.

When she pulled back, Mingi opened his eyes and gave a few blinks before turning to their girl for her approval. She gave him a smile and a big thumbs up as she looked at him and his finished look. Mingi felt relief even before he looked at himself in the mirror offered to him by the makeup artist. Looking at himself, he liked the way the eyeshadow accented his long smooth eyelids, making them feel a little deeper set. It wasn’t a lot but he felt like his eyes were a little brighter and a little prettier.

“Here are your things,” she passed him the shadow set and eyeliner pencil. “Em over there can help you get the brushes you need. You look so good. It’s so nice to see guys who are confident enough to try on some makeup.”

“My boys are really awesome,” she lifted her chin proudly as she looked at both of them.

“Aww, you’re a good friend,” the woman cooed, cleaning her brushes in the pause between them. Their girl didn’t really reply, just gave a smile as she took the seat, watching Mingi and Yunho get the last of the things they needed.

“Would you mind waiting to do my look until I can shoo them off?” She asked the makeup artist quietly.

“You don’t want them to see you?” She asked, giving her a slightly surprised flash as she looked up at her.

“I want to be able to surprise them for dinner on Friday,” their girl shrugged.

“Oh you’re all having a celebration dinner together?” The woman asked. “I somehow thought it was their anniversary or something.”

“Well, it sort of is,” their girl shrugged, giving Mingi a wave as he held up a bundle of brushes the other person was selling him. “But it’s all of ours.”

“Like…as friends?” She asked, looking between them.

“Like as lovers and friends and partners,” she filled in slowly. She could see a myriad of questions flicker behind her eyes.

“Hey, babe,” Mingi greeted, proudly holding his bag full of goodies along with his bag from the suit shop. “You haven’t started yet.”

“Nope, I want it to be a surprise still,” she gave him a chagrined smile. “Would you mind if I message you when I’m done?”

“Awww I want to see how you do it.” Mingi pinched his lips together and frowned. “Will you show me later at least?”

“Of course,” she rushed to promise him. “How about I promise to teach you how to put the look on me when we get home?”

“Really?” He was actually excited by the idea. “Okay, if you promise. I’ll take Yunho with me.”

“Thank you, my love,” she told him, reaching out to give his hand a squeeze. Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to her cheek before practically skipping off to grab Yunho and take him to look around the store as they waited for her.

“Okay, let’s get started,” the woman said as she saw the two boys disappear around a corner. “First, tell me what you want, let’s get a good idea of what you are looking for.”

“I really want something sort of art deco.” Reaching for her shopping bag, she pulled out a little of her dress, revealing the color and texture of the fabric. “The cut is somewhere similar to something from the 1920s or 30s.”

“I think I have the perfect idea,” the woman nodded. “Something with gold accents and very 1920s and Gatsby-ish, without going in the vamp direction. Sound good?”

“That sounds like exactly what I want,” she replied eagerly.

“Do you mind if I ask you a couple of things?” The makeup artist asked, as she pulled a couple of things out of the drawer.

“Uh, why not… Meredith?” she said, reading the tag on the woman’s shirt.

“Call me Mer,” the woman laughed. “I’m going to start with some foundation, first.”

As Mer pulled out a couple of shades to test out the best one for her, the younger woman looked at her assessingly, wondering why it was she seemed so curious. She was pretty, maybe in her late 20s or her early 30s, with shoulder length blond hair, the top half of which was held back in a clip on the back of her head. Her eyes were a bright green leaning hazel and she had smattering of light freckles over her cheeks and nose that were barely visible under her expertly done makeup.

“Okay, chin up like this,” Mer said, lifting her chin with one finger to angle her face into the light.

“Right, yes,” she angled her face and closed her eyes with a sigh.

“So,” Mer said quietly as she began to use the sponge to put a layer of foundation on. “Two boyfriends, huh? How did that happen?”

“Uh, well we all met in high school,” she answered, purposely staying slightly vague. “We just sort of decided we all fit together and we’ve been together since then.”

“Really?” The older woman asked with interest. “So it wasn’t like two of you were dating and you just sort of integrated someone else?”

“No, it was always all of us together,” she shrugged. “Since the start.” They lapsed into silence minus Mer explaining what she was doing and making notes for her on the order and application of the makeup she was putting on her. The woman really was a good teacher, going through things in a very step by step way, including how things should feel when you are getting the placement correct.

Her lips were the very last thing they worked on, trying a couple of different colors before they settled on a deep bluish red that was just a shade more pigmented than her dress. Her eyes couldn’t help but watch the woman as she concentrated on lining her lips with the smooth pencil. Meredith bit her lip and her eyes flicked up to meet her eyes as she finished lining her lips. She would have sworn she saw a blush spread over the makeup artist's cheeks under the fine powder as she turned away to look for the lip brush she was going to use to apply the lovely new lipstick.

“Okay so when you do your lips,” Meredith explained as she brushed the first layer of color on. “Color your lips completely with a brush and then you want to blot with a tissue. After that, reapply and you can also put on a little powder over it if you really want it to stay. And here, let’s look at the final look.”

Turning the mirror toward her, Meredith let her look at herself. She felt beautiful and it was the perfect look for her dinner celebration with the boys. She turned and gave the woman who had done it a warm smile and caught that same faint pink on her cheeks as she smiled back. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she took a couple of pictures to help her remember and then send a message to the boys that she was done.

“I really hate to ruin your amazing work,” she gave the older woman an apologetic look. “But I still want this all to be a surprise for them.”

“Oh of course,” Meredith quickly nodded and reached for the makeup wipes she kept on the little counter. She packed up new versions of all the makeup she had used on the younger woman as she left her to clean off her face. Sealing them nicely in a bag, she gave her coworker the total so that she could ring the girl up as soon as she was done.

“These things really work well,” she commented when she noticed the makeup artist coming back towards her.

“I know, they are real lifesavers when you need them,” Meredith agreed with a smile as she looked at the other woman’s bare face. She really was just so pretty. “Hey, what if I just put the lipstick on? It is such a good color on you.”

“Sure,” she nodded. “I suppose that really isn’t a spoiler and the color makes me feel really cute.”

“You look beautiful in it,” Meredith admitted quietly as she pulled out the lip pencil again. She lined the lips and put on the first layer of lipstick before she had gathered up the courage to ask the question she had been wanting to ask for the past 45 minutes. “Umm, have you guys ever considered, you know… adding a fourth?”

Her eyes widened slightly as she looked up at the makeup artist who was very diligently swiping her lower lip with the brush. Now she was sure she had been seeing a blush just there under her makeup. Surprise flickered through her at the realization the older woman had a… crush, she couldn’t think of a better word for it, on her… on them. However, that surprise was nothing compared to the level of shock that spiked through her a moment later when, after a second’s hesitation, the woman cupped her cheeks and leaned in to press a very warm, close-mouthed kiss to the lips she had just finished coloring in for a second time.

For a brief moment that seemed to stretch for an eternity, she froze. Even as the woman had asked if they had ever considered adding more people to their mix, she hadn’t thought she would be so forward. It could have been embarrassed curiosity, or that she had an interest in one of the boys. There were a million things that she might have guessed before she would have thought this would happen.

When she finally moved past the shock, she pushed the woman away with a gentle hand on her shoulder, still more surprised than angry. That, however, was not the case for Yunho who had rounded the corner of the area containing the shop just in time to see the woman lift their girls face into a kiss. Time froze and the din of people shopping and chatting was suddenly lost to a buzzing that filled his ears. That moment of their lips pressed together seemed to last forever until their girl finally, FINALLY, pushed her away, the dark lipstick now smudged on both their lips.

A hot anger prickled over his skin and he strode forward, grabbing their girl by the wrist and pulling her none too gently off the high chair she was perched on. He grabbed her shopping bag with his free hand and started to move out of the store.

“Mingi, pay for all her stuff and come outside,” he said to the other boy through gritted teeth. “I’m going to get a cab and then we are going back to the room.”

Mingi nodded, eyes slightly wide at the barely contained venom in Yunho’s voice, moving quickly to pay for the bag of things already waiting at the counter. He had noticed what was happening only after Yunho, when the boy suddenly stopped in his tracks, standing silent as his eyes burned. Mingi turned to look in the direction of whatever had caused Yunho to react like that, wanting to know what he saw. He caught only the last of the kiss, that last half second before she pushed the other woman away. The sight had caused a knot in his stomach and pain lanced through him. But maybe I deserve it, the thought briefly whispered through his head just before Yunho stepped forward and grabbed their girl.

He paid for the makeup, barely looking up at either of the people working there, before he jogged out of the store after the other two. The woman, the one who had done their makeup, tried to apologize or explain, but Mingi just shrugged her off, wanting to get out of there more than anything. He found Yunho on the curb, holding open the door of a cab that already had their girl waiting inside. He met Yunho’s eyes and jogged around the other side of the car to get in as Yunho ducked inside the door he was standing at.

Yunho gave the driver the address of their bed and breakfast then fell into a tense silence. His hand came to rest on her thigh as she sat quietly between them. He couldn’t look at her right now, but he needed to touch her. His grip slowly tightened to an almost bruising level just above her knee as he kept his eyes out the window on the city as they passed it all by.

On the other side, Mingi held her hand in both of his, nervously squeezing and petting her much smaller hand. He didn’t say anything, instead offered her sad half smiles when their eyes happened to meet. Unable to bring herself to say anything, she leaned her head into his upper arm, half apology, half hoping to find some sympathy there.

Pulling up outside where they were staying, Yunho pulled out a few bills, more than enough to pay for the ride and got out without waiting for change. Their girl slipped out quickly behind him, accepting as he grabbed her wrist and led her up to the room without a word.

As soon as they were inside Yunho slammed the door closed behind them, the sound filling the silence like a gunshot. Both Mingi and their girl stood frozen as Yunho leaned against the wall, his head leaning against his balled fists.

“Yunho, I’m sorry,” she tried to start, only to have his eyes turn on her with a dark flash, catching the words in her throat.

“Are we not enough?” Yunho choked out.

“What? No, I mean, yes! Yunho I didn’t—” she started only to have his lips crash into hers. His hands were yanking at her clothes to pull them off. Her shirt was pulled off over her head carelessly, pulling her hair and smearing her lipstick even more, then her jeans as he backed her closer to the bed. He turned her to face the bed, his fingers fumbling with the clasp of her bra.

“Do you want me,” he asked from behind her, his voice a hoarse growl.

“Y-yes,” she stuttered, holding her bra against the front of her body.

“Lie down,” Yunho ordered harshly. She crawled onto the bed and started to turn over only to be stopped by a sharp, “No,” from Yunho who was still stripping behind her. It took her a second to figure out that he didn’t want her on her back. Laying down on her stomach, she turned her face to the side and waited.

“Yunho,” Mingi touched his arm gently. “Don’t do this because you’re mad.”

“She needs to be reminded that she’s ours,” Yunho replied, a chill to his voice.

“It’s okay Mingi,” she said quietly from the bed. “Yuyu wouldn’t… he just needs to let it out.” Mingi let it drop and sat down on the foot of the bed. Crawling up over her on the bed Yunho spread her thighs before reaching for the lube and covering himself. Angling himself to enter her, he took her wrists and pinned them next to her shoulders.

“You love me, you love us,” he said as he slid his head inside and leaned more of his weight onto his hands that held her.

“I love both my boys,” she nodded, feeling the heat of his skin pressing against her. “They are the only ones for me.”

“I don’t believe you,” Yunho growled, his voice quavering as he made the accusation. “Convince me.” With a jerk he thrust into her completely and she stiffened beneath him, but didn’t protest. He was being rough and she hadn’t been completely ready for it, her body protesting at the stretch. Despite his anger and his need to punish her for the pain she had caused him, he paused, gripping her wrists as he waited to feel her relax under him.

“I love you, Yuyu,” she said, forcing herself to relax and turning her face more into the pillows beneath it.

“I don’t--” Yunho exhaled and clenched his jaw. “I don’t believe you. I don’t believe either of you.” He closed his eyes and started moving inside her. She didn’t reply but moved to give him a better angle inside her. Letting go, Yunho moved with all the frustration that had pent up in him over the past few days.

Mingi turned to look at them over his shoulder more than a little conflicted as he felt a pang of arousal at seeing their girl nearly hidden beneath Yunho as he moved roughly in her. Needing a little more space, he moved to sit in the arm chair in the corner of the room. He couldn’t watch, but he couldn’t really bring himself not to at the same time. The bed creaked under his movements and he could hear both of their breathing increase, neither of them speaking.

Yunho pressed his face into the pillows near her head as he moved, taking the comfort of her body. His heart hurt and there didn’t seem to be any words that could explain the tempest of emotions moving through him. The doubts that had come up over the last few days… he had never had them gnawing at the edge of his mind like they were now. He was angry that they were making him doubt things he had never doubted before.

“Yuyu,” she said softly. “I’m not gonna leave. I don’t want anyone else. You’re it. I’m not going to go. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does. It’s only you.”

Yunho squeezed his eyes shut as a prickle of tears filled them. He let go of her wrists and lifted himself up. She didn’t move even when his weight lifted off her, just waiting for whatever he wanted, what he needed. With a far more gentle touch, he coaxed her to turn over and a wave of guilt and hurt hit him in the chest. Her hair was a mess and the lipstick was smeared across her cheek and chin and on the pillow that had been under her face. Even so, she still reached for him, pulled him back to her, wanting to comfort him.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, moving back to her.

“It’s okay,” she soothed, cradling him with her hips and wrapping her arms around his neck. 

He curled around her, sliding himself back inside her as he kissed her temple. “I shouldn’t have touched you like that.”

“I’m always here,” she promised, leaning her forehead into his shoulder. “I’ll never turn you away.”

“You should have,” he shook his head.

“You needed me,” she replied softly.

“I always need you,” he admitted. “I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore if I don’t have you two.”

“You’re Yunho,” Mingi said, sitting on the bed beside them. “Best boy, reliable rock, and one of the loves of my life.”

Yunho reached out, taking Mingi’s hand and kissing his knuckles. He entwined his fingers with Mingi’s as the other boy lay down beside them, still wearing his clothes. Reaching out with his other hand, he pressed his palm against Yunho’s broad back. Yunho leaned over and kissed Mingi’s cheek before he looked down at their girl again.

“I like the color of the lipstick,” Yunho observed with a self deprecating laugh. “I just wish it didn’t remind me of…”

“I know,” she agreed, stroking his cheek. “But we can build new memories with it. Someday you won’t even think of it. Or I can just go buy another color.”

“No, I… it’s really pretty on you,” he shrugged and smiled down at her. “Do you mind if we stop? It… I’m not really in the right mood.”

“No, it’s okay,” she easily agreed. “Do you maybe just want us to hold you for a little?”

“Please,” he nodded, his eyes watering. “I just… I just want to be close.” When he rolled off her, she turned on her side, and cuddled up against him, one leg thrown over his hips.

“We’ve really been a fucking mess this trip, haven’t we?” She asked, resting her head against his shoulder as she wrapped an arm around his chest.

“Yeah,” Mingi agreed. “Can we promise to do something actually fun tomorrow? No tears, no running away, no strangers?”

“Yes please,” she said, feeling a couple of tears leak out of the corner of her eye and onto Yunho’s warm chest.

“Can I ask what happened?” Mingi asked, putting a hand over hers as he cuddled closer along the other side of Yunho.

“I’m not completely sure,” she shook her head. “She mostly seemed really curious and then she asked if we had ever considered adding a fourth just before she kissed me. I should have pushed her away faster but I just never expected her to do that.”

“I never thought that would be a possible downside to being out,” Yunho admitted, staring up at the ceiling.

“Me neither,” she agreed. “Promise we can do everything together tomorrow. I’m tired of accidentally ending up alone on this trip.”

“Everything,” Yunho promised.

“Maybe not going to the bathroom,” Mingi added after a second. “But everything else.”

“Fair, yes,” she laughed. “I can generally pee on my own. But if that changes, I’ll let you know.”

“Okay,” Yunho kissed the top of her head. “I’m getting hungry, but I want to lay here just a little longer.”

Masterlist

[raschuuuu]

WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME BACK? // M.YG angst (Suga)

Summary: You finally had your debut with your girl group with Big Hit entertainment. That was your absolute biggest dream but what happens when you have to decide now? Do you want to live your idol life and let the love of your life go for it? Or do you decide for the life of your life?

Word count: 5k

Genre: angst

warnings: established relationship / swearing / soft yoongi / mentioning of breakups / mentioning of suicide/death

Pairing: Yoongi!idol x female idol!reader

A/N: Hello guuuuys! Today I hope very much that you will like this one here! I didn't get any requests so I want to say it again one more time: FEEL FREE TO SEND ME YOUR REQUESTS!!! 😟🥺It’s my second fanfic on this blog I worked very hard on it so I really really hope you guys will enjoy it. If you guys think I could do anything better or you have another preferences please let me know. I’d be very happy if you guys leave a like so I know you read it and liked it. Another note: English is not my first language I’m very sorry if you guys find any mistakes.. 💔

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5th December 2020

What could be better than having a debut just before the year ends? My group and I were supposed to have our debut much earlier but that was  postponed due to the COVID pandemic so it was complicated to have a debut this year but nevertheless our company managed to give us a debut before the year ends and I really have to say it's the best thing that could ever happen to me!

My dream has finally come true. How long was I a trainee? Exactly. Six years. Six freaking years I was hidden behind the scenes of my big and famous company. It feels really shitty to be in the shadow of two famous groups in South Korea. Don't get me wrong I'm a really big fan of BTS and TXT but we got tired of being told that we're going to make our debut but at the end we didn’t. I know the guys from BTS and TXT  personally and we all get along super well even the other members of my group. But to be honest BTS and TXT couldn't wait for our debut to happen and finally it's here (y/g/n) finally gets the recognition.

31st December 2020

Of course our lives have changed dramatically since we made our debut. Of course it's much harder to go out alone now than before. Before I was a nobody. No one knew me but now I don't even dare to go alone to the convenient store that is just around the corner of our dorm. You might think I'm exaggerating a bit but no, unfortunately it's the truth. Nevertheless, I don't want to spoil my idol life. After our debut we had a lot of promotions and interviews. But even before that we didn't have much time because we had to shoot our music video and photo shoots and we were all sent to the hairdresser because our old look was officially bye bye. I’m happy with my new look I think I look so beautiful I can't believe what a haircut and a nice makeup can do to a person.

Today is the 31st of December. New Year's Eve! New year takes place in less than 24 hours! Where am I? I'm at this year's MBC Gayo DaeJeon. My first new year's eve without my family and officially my first new year's eve as an idol. I'm so excited I can't believe it I'm going to be on stage with my girls and I'm meeting other idols how exciting is that. I'm sitting in the makeup room getting my makeup done by our makeup artist and on the side our hairstylist is making me a high ponytail. I hope I'll look good. Dabi, the oldest of our group and therefore our Unni, has just finished and looks adorable. Miso sits to my left and is also getting her make-up and hair done. Hyemi is getting ready after me because she doesn't take up much time. She has the shortest hair of all of us. I’m sitting with my mobile phone in my hand and texting with my mother. Sometimes I wish I could be with her and with my father and my siblings. I miss them all like hell. I haven't seen them since before our debut. I can't wait to hold them all in my arms next time.

(eomma):

y/n we miss you! New year's eve isn't the same without you but hopefully you'll have fun on stage today. We'll all be watching you! Your dad and I your grandparents and your siblings so don't worry we're always with you! Good luck my child fighting! 🎉🎆

I notice how i get tears in my eyes but no I mustn't cry my makeup gets ruined. Just as I want to answer my mother i get a new text on my phone.

(yoongi):

I'm excited to see you tonight! You'll be great I believe in you.

By the way... I guess I didn't tell you that I'm dating Min Yoongi. That's right, Min Yoongi.

flashback

2014

"Y/n! We're about to meet BTS!" says Hyemi as I just walked into the dance practice room. What BTS? The group that made their debut last year? "Really why?" I ask looking at her confused. Apparently all new trainee male or female, are introduced to BTS because they want to give us some nice words and encouragement on our way as trainees. Just as I was about to sit down, the seven men came in the door. One after the other, they passed us by. Wow, these guys can count themselves lucky that their time is up. But one boy in particular stands out to me. He has red hair. Not too light and not too dark, a red that almost goes brown. He is beautiful.

I haven't really informed myself about who BTS is, of course I still have difficulties to remember their names, I just became a trainee before I didn't care who was a trainee here... but this man is beautiful!

Oh crap he looks at me. Why is he looking at me. Someone tell him to look the other way please I’m so awkward I don't know how to act when someone looks at me I better look the other way. The leader said some nice words to us they all wished us luck and said that they can't wait for us to make our debut and that when the day comes they're all gonna be happy and supportive! Really nice of them I never thought that they would do something like that. We all got up and bowed and said thank you, while BTS was about to walk out I saw the red haired boy looking at me one last time before he went out. Crazy man do I have something on my face stop staring!

2015

I started to get to know them better each and every one of them. I get along best with Hoseok and Taehyung. Every now and then we run into each other in the building and talk for a few minutes. We trainees also got to meet all the guys in person, they are all so nice and down to earth I don't regret it one bit that I joined this company! Jungkook is about my age and every now and then we have a few laughs together. Once you are in the company you are like one big family whether it is with the trainees or the staff. However I have not been able to get close to one person and that is Min Yoongi. I don't know what it is but every time he and I are in a room with other people it just gets awkward. I don't know what it is but every time he is near me I feel intimidated and just want to get out of there. We've never spoken a word to be honest maybe it's because he feels awkward around me too? I can't understand why he feels this way I always try to get along with everyone even if i don't want to and make everyone feel comfortable around me because I want it to be mutual. So what's his problem?

2016

I have heard from his members that he has a crush on me and gets shy around me which I totally don't understand because how can anyone be into me? Especially back then! I don't want to go into too much detail but I can tell you that after a while and with the help of Hoseok and Taehyung he and I started texting at some point. We had been friends for a long time but only online. We were both too nervous to meet in person and to be honest that had been impossible because he was busy as fuck and no one was supposed to find out that we were texting. BTS recognition grew more and more each year and he became busier and busier each day. I was of course very happy for everyone and one rainy day in the evening Yoongi appeared out of nowhere on my doorstep and confessed his love to me. I am still overwhelmed by it and it all feels so unreal and like it just happened yesterday, but I went for it and agreed to be his girlfriend.

back to December 31st 2020

For four years we have been hiding our relationship. Nobody knows about it the whole Big Hit staff doesn't know about it and neither do our managers the only ones who know about it are his members and recently my members. I didn't want to tell them until we made our debut together because I was too scared of being told off during my trainee time. But I have to say that the girls stand behind me and accept our relationship and they all swore they would take it to the grave with them.

I quickly turn down the brightness of my screen because there's too much danger of my hairstylist and makeup artist reading the text. I close my phone and put it on my lap. How much I want to answer him but I don't dare I can't answer him when there are too many people around me. After a while we were called and it was finally our turn I'm so nervous but we managed it all with flying colors and we were the topic of the evening.

In a few minutes it's already new year I'm ready and let 2021 come to me. At midnight Yoongi calls me and I answer the phone with joy.

"Happy new year y/n! I love you and I hope we will spend more time together this year even though it will be harder now." I smile to myself and say "Happy new year Yoongi... how is your shoulder? Are you resting enough? Are you eating enough? Are you sleeping enough? Are you in pain? If you are in pain then take a painkiller and go back to the doctor!" I can't see it but I can tell he is grinning and shaking his head. I don't let him get a word in edgewise.

"Don't worry I’m fine I just miss you you're the only painkiller I can take" - "Hahaha yah! You're so corny! I miss you too sweetheart I wish we had spent this new year together... I’m sorry it turned out like this!" I feel really bad because I know he won't be able to spend new year with his boys or me... To be honest we have never had a new year together except on the phone but this time it could have worked out! He is at home with his injury and if we wouldn't have had our debut then we would have had a first new year together after four years of relationship!

January 10th 2021

At the beginning of the new year our manager gave us our schedule plan at it looked hella busy! This whole January we would be completely busy we don't even have one weekend off! I can’t believe it how will I able to see my family or even Yoongi? I saw him at the first weekend of January we spent it together at his family’s house in Daegu behause to be honest that is actually the only place that we can go to a little far away from Seoul without having to worry that any of the staff could know or see us. My family also knows and loves him to death but with my family living in Seoul it’s complicated to take him there. Our manager left the room and I looked at Dabi with the ‘You and I bathroom NOW!’ look she understood and got up from her place and she followed me to the bathroom. We checked if any other person was inside when there wasn’t I said “What the fuck I’m I gonna do now Unni? How am I able to see Yoongi? How will I be able to even go out. I won’t even have time to take the fucking trash out from our dorm when it’s my turn to clean!” I yell. She stands there giving me a confused look. “What do you expect y/n? You chose to have this idol life you know its busy and complicated to have a boyfriend especially as a fresh debuted idol! Why do you think they won't let us have a relationship? I wish I could help you but I can’t. We’re gonna be busy as fuck!” she yelled back. “Psh shut your volume down unni!” she opened the door to see if there was anyone outside but there wasn’t.

I feel bad I really do. I don't want my members to be in trouble because of me that's the last thing I want. I hug her and apologize to her. I have to think of something I don't know what to do. I don't want us to be away from each other for too long what happens when he stops loving me all of a sudden? What do I do when he goes back to work then it will all be worse! Before I became an idol we could always see each other at the end of the day but now it will be impossible. I have to talk to him about it because one thing we promised each other is that we talk about everything because that's the only way a healthy relationship can work and such a complicated relationship we both have. I take out my phone and write him a message.

(me):

Yoongi. Tonight FaceTime date you and me?

In less than two minutes I already get my answer.

(yoongi):

of course!

evening

I turn on my MacBook and call him on FaceTime. After three rings he answers the phone and turns it off too so he doesn't have to hold it in his hand. He still has his bandage on and his hair is wet he must have been in the shower. He wears cute pyjamas and fight me or not but black haired Yoongi is the most beautiful Yoongi. I always fall in love again when I see him. Hard to believe we were so awkward with each other back then but this year is already approaching 5 years together. I could never imagine my life without him. 

"Hey my darling" he says happily and smiles at me. I smile back and ask him how he is. He tells me that he is getting better every day and that during his time off he has found a lot of time for himself and his music and how much he misses the others. And me too, of course. "What's wrong with you?" he asks me when he notices that my mind is somewhere else. I think he took the Facetime date too seriously. He be sitting there with his cup of ramen. I just laugh. "Yoongi... I'm going to be busy all of January and manager oppa said that February might not be any better," I say and wait for his answer. He swallows his noodles and drinks a glass of water. "Does that mean we won't see each other this month?" he asks. I think he's a little disappointed I know him and I know his tones and his looks and I can hear my heart breaking by now. And how much I'd like to see you Yoongi. Every second every day. "No," I say, and then an uncomfortable silence descends. 

“You know what baby it’s fine don't worry. I mean I wasn’t any better back then do you remember when I always used to be so busy? I never had time for you and I felt so bad. But you were there for me and you stayed by my side and you were and still are the most supportive girlfriend I could ever ask for. I think it would be unfair to be mad at you. I’m happy for you forever and always” well that was unexpected. I start getting tears in my eyes. I didn't think of this reaction not at all! I smile at him and say “Thank you baby... I will appreciate it I really do. But still I feel bad because especially in this period where you're sick I wish I could be there for you and take care of you. This debut was so unexpected I’m really sorry” - “Yah don't be sorry y/n. You worked your goddamn fine ass off to be where you're at right now be proud of you this is just the beginning. And it’s not like that we won't see each other ever again right?” he says. He’s right. He’s totally right. It’s not like we won't see each other ever again.

January 17th 2020

Well... seven days passed and we still haven't seen each other and we haven't talked since one week. We text every now and then cause I really only get to use my phone when it's night and we go back home but every night I'm so damn exhausted and tired that I forget to answer to his texts. I don't even have time to text my parents back or my siblings. I feel so bad I'm such a bad person. I miss them all so much. I miss my parents. I miss my sister and my brother. I miss my grandparents. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my boyfriend so damn much. I really didn't think this life is gonna be so hard for me. I feel like I've been put in the middle of a scale with my career on one side and my relationship on the other side and I have to choose one side or the other. I've never thought about breaking up with Yoongi ever in my life. Never. I just can't. I need this man too much. Even though we never have the most beautiful and perfect relationship and see each other very rarely, it's just the thought that I know there's someone in my life who loves me and accepts me for who I am that counts. He took me with my imperfections he put his career what he loves most in his life in risk to be with me and now that we are both in this situation I don't know what to do I feel bad and selfish for even thinking about it I don't want to make him feel like my career is more important than him or our relationship he doesn't deserve that he deserves the world and he deserves to be happy. But I love my career I love my job I love my members I love our staff I love our fans. Our biggest fear was not being accepted by the society outside especially now in this period when BTS is one of the biggest groups in the whole world and have a very big influence in the KPOP industry. We were afraid that society would think that since we are the first girl group to make a Big Hit debut in a very long time that people would think that we would mess with the boys heads or that there would be any rumors started between us and the other groups. But on the contrary people have been happy for us and love our music and us individually. I feel like Hannah Montana I feel like I am living a double life.

20th January 2021

"I know you are overwhelmed with the situation my child, I can imagine that it is very hard for you but you have to know what is best for you. You can't tell anyone from your company, you are a rookie, if they find out you had a boyfriend during your trainee time then it is even worse. I wish I was with you and could help you or just be there for you. I love Yoongi very much but I love you even more and I am happy with any decision you make. Just make the right one" my mother says on the phone. Tears have been flowing since she got on the phone but I don't want to tell her and I try not to sob but I know she can tell by my tone that I am crying. She is right. I have to make a decision. Yoongi is getting better day by day and soon he will be busy too he will go back to his daily routine and the other members. He will have comebacks he will have dance practices he will have to go to the recording studio he will have photo shoots he will do interviews and when the corona situation allows he will have to go to other countries and I have to do the same.

I love him to death and I will never love anyone as much as I love him but I am just not happy like this and you can tell me what you want he is not either but he doesn't let it show. Yesterday on the phone there was such an awkward tension between us it felt like I was making small talk with a stranger. Even though I might be the bad guy but one of us has to make the first move. I have wished and hoped that this day will never come but I have to do it.

23 January 2021

Yoongi told me that he is back in his flat in Seoul with his mother. Unfortunately he still can't travel alone so his dear mum went with him. I missed her too, she's the nicest and sweetest woman ever. When I imagine that I won't see her again either, tears well up in my eyes. But today I have to do it. Who would have thought that our reunion would be like this? Who would have thought that I would break up with him. He won't expect it but I have to do it. I’m cold and sick and I just want to go to bed and get the day over with. It's 11pm at night and we've come home after a long hard day. I look out the window and wait until our manager is out of sight.

My members know about my plans and of course have asked me a million times if I am sure and if there is no other way out. I am very happy that they are worried about me but I also feel bad towards them. I have been hiding it from them all our trainee years and when I told them they were all so good about it and even want me not to do it. But no I will do it I am young and want to concentrate on my career and what is coming up for us.

I told Yoongi that I would come, of course he doesn't want to because it's way too late but I said it was important and that we had to talk about something. When I said we had to talk about something he was quiet and then just said he would wait for me. I put on a hat and a thick jacket and the hood of the jacket and a mask and a scarf and go out into the high snow that has covered Seoul. His flat is not far from mine but still I have to take a taxi. I ask the driver to wait for me because I don't want to stay there long I want to get it over with quickly and go.

(me):

can you come down?

(yoongi):

why don't you come up?

(me):

I think its better when you come down Yoongi I don't want your mom to be worried or hears any of that were gonna talk.

He doesn't text back instead I just see the lights turning on from his window. A few minutes later he comes down. Oh my fucking lord he is so handsome. I want to run up to him and kiss him from head to toe. I want to be in his arms. I want us to go upstairs together and fall asleep together. I want to build a snowman with him. I want to be with him forever I love him he is the love of my life.

He comes up to me and smiles at me. He stands in front of me and we both don't say a word. His smile turns into a confused look he notices something is wrong. "Don't I get a kiss or a hug?" he asks me. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces. I would love to rip your clothes off Min Yoongi.

"I want to break up." Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. "Yoongi say something?" I ask him. He says nothing. He looks at me with a blank look he is sad he is disappointed he is devastated just like me. "Yoongi please?". He does not speak.

"Yoongi, I'm sorry. I-i-I really love you I love you more than anything but I know that I can't give 100% in our relationship now. I just want us to be happy but I see that we are not. It could have been great during your time off but I can't be there for you... sooner or later it should have happened. I want to be with you but I can't anymore it was okay then but it's not okay now we're both famous you're in the biggest boy group in the world if anyone finds out we're together we'll be screwed. Especially me Yoongi. Female idols have it harder than male idols you know that. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and I think this will be the best thing for us I-" he interrupts me.

"How dare you to tell me what's best for me? Do you have any idea what you're talking about y/n? Stop trying to tell me what's best for me when you know you're the best thing that's ever happened to me in my life god damn. I was going through a difficult time in my life and you were the only one who was there for me! And now you're telling me let’s break up because you're afraid people are gonna find out? And that they are gonna blame you? The fuck? Theres always two fucking persons in a relationship y/n! I also wanted that. I wanted you. Don’t you love me anymore? Why don’t you love me anymore? We hid our relationship for four fucking years why can't we hide it now?" he said yelling at me.

 I am shocked and sad I want to die. I don't want to live in this life without Min Yoongi. But I know it's best for us I do it for him and his career too.

"Yes I don't love you anymore" were my last words before I left.

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A/N: damn y/n!!! did you just break up with the mf min yoongi? you better save your relationship! guys if you want a part two (with maybe a happy ending?) let me know! love you bye 🎀

[scarlettwitcher]

Úlfur Minn Part Two

Request: by @laneygthememequeen: Hello lovely! I just saw that youre open to requests and are itching to write something for soft boi geralt! If you’re open to it, can I request a geralt x reader where reader seems like super innocent but is like an actual warrior/badass and he’s just like in awe. Or maybe where the reader is in like a dress for some reason and she usually doesn’t wear dresses because they’re inconvenient for fighting and ends up having to fight in the dress. take care and I hope you have a wonderful day💖

Summary: After Jaskier is finally able to convince Geralt to be his bodyguard for Pavetta’s betrothal dinner, shit goes down and Geralt has to make the decision of whether or not he should tell Y/n how he really feels.

Characters:  Geralt, Reader, Jaskier, Calanthe, Eist, Mousesack, Pavetta, Duny, mentions of secondary characters in the show.

Word Count: 3140

Warnings: angst, fighting, mentions of blood, cursing, slight fluff, canon typical warnings

Author’s Note: HOLY CRAP! The love I got for this series was crazy! Thank you all for your support. I’m getting this part out earlier than I usually do since I am going to be busy tonight. I really hope you guys like part two as much as part one. As always, shoutout to my home girl @queenxxxsupreme for being the amazing human she is for helping me! My requests are open, so challenge me and make me write angsty fluff. My taglists are also open so just send me a message if you’d like to be on any list! Happy reading and as always, feedback is always welcome! Love all y’all!

Previously on Úlfur Minn...

“You're not a prude Y/n.” You stood and took a deep breath as you walked around the room with pensive thoughts clouding your head. “Look, I was able to get you a rather beautiful dress and I might've bedded a hairdresser...She agreed to help.” You frowned at Jaskier as you quickly shook your dress.

“Dress? Oh no, no, no. I don't like dresses. You know this Jask.”

“You're gonna have to deal with it Y/n. If Calanthe can wear a dress, then so can you.” You groaned loudly at him as he laughed softly. You nodded at him to show you the dress and thus, you all prepared to attend the dreaded event.

Now...

If you weren’t so occupied trying not to trip on your dress, you would’ve noticed the way Geralt was staring intensely at you. He would never say it to the Bard but the dress he picked for you was perfect. It was a deep red, almost maroon color with a tight corset in the middle. The neckline plunged dangerously close to your chest and the shoulder straps we're hanging to the sides of your arms, the long sleeves skin tight until they reached your hand where it attached to a ring you placed around your fingers. The hairdresser had curled and picked up your hair on the sides, with small jeweled clips holding your hair up. And for jewelry, you opted to wear a small simple necklace Geralt had given you years before. He couldn't help watching you every second he had. 

Jaskier walked in and watched everyone before nodding towards Geralt. “Right, so stick close to me, look mean and pretend you’re a mute. Can’t have anyone finding out who you actually are.” 

“Geralt of Rivia, the mighty Witcher!.... And Y/n of Skellige!”

“Oh, shit.”

Mousesack walked towards the three of you and smiled widely. “I haven’t seen you since the plague.”

“Good times, Mousesack.”

Mousesack started laughing as he looked at Geralt, shaking his head. “I’ve missed your sour complexion. I feared this would be a dull affair, but now the White Wolf is here, perhaps all is not lost.” He looked at Geralt’s clothes and frowned. “Why are you dressed like a sad silk trader? Geralt looked at Jaskier with irritation.

“What?”

“And Y/n, darling! Where have you been hiding yourself?” You blushed softly and shrugged as you hugged Mousesack tightly. He pulled back to look at you but kept you in his arms. “You always get more beautiful every time I lay my eyes on you especially with that dress." Mousesack took a second to let his eyes wander over your form and you felt yourself cowering just a bit under his gaze, your cheeks flushed.

You could never get used to the way men looked at you. "My oh my, thank the gods for it.” You blushed darkly and giggled as you shook your head. 

“It's nice to see you too, Mouse. It's nice to see you never change.”

“Don't tell me you've been traveling with this grumpy man.” You giggled as you looked at Geralt. The way he was looking at you and Mousesack confused you. He looked…. angry, almost jealous.

“He’s actually great company. I enjoy traveling with the Witcher.” Mousesack looked at you before looking at Geralt and then returning his gaze to you, a knowing smirk appearing on his features.

“ Witcher, walk with me.” With that, you took your leave with Jaskier as Geralt watched you walk away. He grunted quietly at Mousesack before reluctantly following him, not wanting to part from you. From the moment you entered the room, the men’s eyes were following your form. He didn't like the way they looked at you. Eyes full of lust and admiration. In Geralt's mind, only he could look at you so but he could never act on his jealousy. He had to step back and watch you alongside everyone else.

“....gen crown for years. A tad rough around the edges, but they’re of the earth. Like me.” Geralt's mind quickly caught back up to the conversation, listening to Mousesack as he spoke.

“Old and crusty. How long before this horse trading is done? I find royalty best taken in…” Geralt looked visibly uncomfortable as he watched all of the royals with caution. “small doses.”

“I wouldn’t count on leaving before dawn. These suitors will vie all night for Princess Pavetta’s hand. Marrying into this monarchy is a mighty prize. Who wouldn’t want to be king of the most powerful force in the land?”

“Hm. So, which one of these little shits is your coin on?” 

“Come with me, there’s much for you to see. It’s not a fair bet. That red-headed scanderlout over there, Crach An Craite, will marry Pavetta. The Lioness has already arranged it with the boy’s uncle, Eist Tuirseach. No one would dare make a move on an alliance that powerful.”

Geralt's eyes drifted to Eist before a small smirk painted his lips.“Handy with a blade.” But soon it dropped and was replaced with a scowl as he watched the man make his way to you, watching you laugh at something he said. “And with women, too.” Mousesack followed where his sight was set and laughed, shaking his head.

“All an act. Queen Calanthe refused his proposal three times after King Roegner died, despite the two of them gliding around each other like courting swans.” Geralt watched as you finished speaking with Eist and made your way over to Jaskier as he was cornered by one of the lords. You immediately moved in front of Jaskier, defending him from the lord. The lord grabbed your arm roughly and pulled you away from Jaskier. “No, no, no. She was not living in her husband’s shadow again.” Geralt watched angrily and left Mousesack hanging as he made his way over to you and Jaskier. He reached you first and checked you over silently for a moment before moving to Jaskier’s side.

“Something about you reminds me of a scoundrel I once saw fleeing my wife’s chambers!"

“Um, well…”

“Drop your trousers.”

“What?”

“I didn’t get a proper look at the little shit’s face, but that pimply arse I’d remember anywhere.”

“Well… uh, uh… Ah, Geralt.”

“Forgive me, my lord. This… happens all the time. It’s true, he has the face of a cad and a coward. But, truth be known… he was kicked in the balls by an ox as a child.”

“Well, that’s…tr- true.”

“Apologies.” The lord pulled out a coin with shaky hands and tossed it at the bard. “Here, drown your… sorrows on me, eunuch.” The lord turned to look at you and nodded softly. “And praise you for… sticking with this bard.” You looked at the man wide eyed as he walked away.

“Oh, wow. Thank you. Thank you so much. First of all, you hog all the fanfare, then you go and ruin my courtly reputation.”

“I saved your life. You’re on your own from here on. Try not to get any daggers in your back before dawn.” Geralt took a step back and you joined his side. It was the safest place for the night and you had noticed how uncomfortable he had been since the beginning. You slowly reached up and held his arm as he looked down at you. He clenched his jaw, watching your sweet eyes try to read his. Your presence alone was all the comfort he needed. He grunted at you and moved a tad bit closer to you as his eyes drifted back up to watch the lords. Some were watching the both of you and Geralt glared at them. He felt you shuffle next to him and he knew you hated the attention and decided to distract you and keep your mind off of it. “You look...nice.”

Your eyes snapped up to look at his, wide with surprise. “R-really?” Geralt nodded as he reached up to push a stray strand of hair behind your ear. He bit his lip before moving to look away from you. 

“Thank yo-”

“You lie, you little shite! You never faced so much as a bad meal in your life, never mind a manticore.”

“I’ve had manticores thrice as fat and ugly as you perish under my steel!”

“Under your bullshit, more like. How many stings has it got, then?”

“Two.” You felt Geralt huff a snort next to you and you smiled before whispering. “Are you going to say anything or should I?”

“You? The Y/n wants to say something in a room full of lords?” You mock glared at Geralt and bit your lip.

“Hah! Go away and shite! It’s five. I know.” 

“Don't taunt me Úlfur minn. I would when it comes to defending those I deeply care about.” You whispered. You didn't notice the way your words took hold of Geralt's heart and the way he looked at you, too busy at watching the lords argue.

One of the servants alerted Queen Calanthe of Geralt's presence and noticed the both of you in the corner, whispering and laughing with each other. She smirked and dismissed the servant. 

“I’ve actually killed one.”

“You-” Before the men could fight, Calanthe’s powerful voice echoed across the room, commanding the attention to her. “Enough! We have a renowned guest here tonight. Perhaps he can declare which esteemed lord is telling the truth.” Everyone’s attention had turned to Geralt and unfortunately, you. You cowered under everyone's gaze and Geralt moved enough to be able to shield you behind him. He hated the way the men looked at you as much as you did.

“Neither.”

“Are you calling me a liar, old man?”

“Aah. The Butcher of Blaviken bleats utter nonsense.” Geralt felt the way you tensed at the title and he knew you were about to defend him. Geralt looked up and caught Jaskier’s eyes. Jaskier shook his head softly as his eyes drifted to you. Geralt swallowed thickly as he clenched his jaw. He slowly reached his arm behind him, out of everyone’s view for you to hold. You held his hand gently as he spoke.

“Perhaps the lords encountered… rare subspecies of manticore.”

“Perhaps our esteemed guest would like to entertain us with how he slayed the elves at the edge of the world?” There were loud cheers and even some men raised their mugs towards Geralt.

“There was no slaying. I had my arse kicked by a ragged band of elves. I was about to have my throat cut when Filavandrel let me go.” Everyone groaned as they looked at the Witcher in disbelief. 

“But the song..”

“Yeah, the song.”

“At least when Filavandrel’s blade kissed my throat, I didn’t shit myself. Which is all I can hope for you, good lords. At your final breath, a shitless death.” Geralt raised his cup towards the room as he heard you snort behind him. “But I doubt it.” You couldn't help yourself and you lost yourself to a fit of giggles and Geralt found himself smiling as he took a drink of his ale.

“It would have been your blade at Filavandrel’s throat had you been there, Your Majesty. Not that any elven bastards would crawl from their lair to meet you on the field.” Calanthe’s eyes left the rather intimate scene in front of her to briefly glance at Eist before they returned to Geralt. She smirked as she watched him be protective of you. She found it interesting and wanted to know more.

“Any man willing to paint himself in the shadow of his failures will make for far more interesting conversation this night. Come, Witcher. Take a seat by my side while I change.” Geralt tensed next to you but you rested a hand on his back before whispering for only Geralt to hear.

“Go. Don't worry about me Úlfur minn.”

“Hm.”

You watched as Geralt was escorted to the Calanthe’s royal table. He kept his eyes on you as he sat. You looked around nervously. One of the lords approached you and tried to flirt with you. You were kind and respectful but tried your best to not lead the man on. “Damn this cursed thing. I’d as soon see this night out in armor.”

“As would I.” Geralt grunted out as his eyes never strayed away from you.

“Indeed. Tell me how does a witcher finds himself at my daughter’s wedding feast dressed like a…?” Calanthe laughed before nodding towards you. “And with such a fair maiden like her?” 

This made Geralt look away from you and at Calanthe but chose to ignore the latter part of the question. “I’m protecting the bard from vengeful royal cuckolds.”

“Hm! Idiots, the lot of them. Still, I’m glad of your company, which could prove handy. I have no doubt blood will spill here tonight.”

“Ah, save the good Queen’s breath. I’m not for hire as a bodyguard.”

“You were hired just so by the bard.”

“I’m helping the idiot free of his coin.”

“And he’s the idiot? I’m simply saying, surely if all goes to hell here tonight, I can count on you to strategically remove certain irritants that may present themselves? I’d do so myself, only I’m bound to uphold an artifice of decorum and… fairness."

“Hey. I can’t help you.” Geralt’s eyes returned back to you. You were now alone as you looked around the room, feeling lonely. You always hated being alone at events when both of your guys got occupied. You couldn’t go with Jaskier and Geralt was busy with the queen who didn't invite you to sit at the table with them. It was enough to tell you you weren't welcome. You looked up and your eyes locked with Geralt’s. You watched how his face softened as he looked at you. 

“So perilously direct. As Queen, I could command it.”

“If I were one of you subjects.”

“I could torture you so very slowly into compliance.” Geralt looked away from you and at Calanthe as he smirked and you easily could've taken it for heavy flirting.

“Her Majesty will do as she wishes. I’m not for turning.”

“Oh, come now. Everyone has their price.” You felt a painful tug at your heart reminding you that he wasn't yours. He was only making sure his friend was okay. As you looked away, Geralt's eyes were back on you and he willed you to look back at him. Calanthe saw this and licked her lips, about to comment again on you when she was presented with Lord Peregrine of Nilfgaard.

You had decided you didn't want to watch anymore of the queen’s shameless flirting. You looked around for Mousesack and made your way over to him as Jaskier started singing one of your favorite songs. You tripped over the dress as you cursed quietly. God, how you hated dresses. Geralt felt his jealousy punch him straight in the face as he watched you laugh at something Mousesack said, obviously teasing you about your dress as he grabbed it, holding in his fingers. You were too innocent and wouldn't have noticed the intense flirting Mousesack was trying to do with you. It was one of the things he loved about you. You were always so innocent, everything was constantly going over your head. He knew it was due to how you were raised and ever since he met you all those years ago, he wanted to protect that innocence.

“How much more of this peacocking must I endure? This… All this because male tradition demands it. If I were a man, I could simply tell the whole lot of them to fuck off, declare outright who Pavetta should marry and have done with it. Or, better yet, let the poor girl decide her own fate.”

“Something tells me this isn’t the first time you’ve navigated the vagaries of male tradition. In fact, I’d wager you thrive on it.”

“Spoken as one who has navigated his own share of fools. Speaking of.” Calanthe pointed towards you as she watched Geralt glare at the druid who held your attention.

“Hm.”

“Tell me, Witcher, why are there so few of you left?”

“Hm.” Geralt sighed as he looked down at the table, knowing that distracting himself with conversation with the queen was better than to watch you with someone else. “It is no longer possible to create more of us, since the sacking of Kaer Morhen. Tell me, Your Majesty… why do you risk your life on the battlefield when you can rest on your throne?”

“Because there is a simplicity in killing monsters, is there not? Seems we are quite the pair, Geralt of Rivia.”

Geralt only grunted in response as he took a large sip of his drink. The silence was interrupted by a knight fighting a few guards at the entrance. Geralt watched with a scowl as the knight made his way to the center of the room, getting down on one knee.“Forgive my late intrusion, Your Majesty, and for the misunderstanding with your guards. Please! I come in peace. I need but one moment of your time. I am Lord Urcheon of Erlenwald and I have come to claim your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

“A knight… of no renown… from a backwater hamlet… who dares to enter my court without revealing his face?” You glared at Calanthe’s words. You didn't really like the queen but at the moment, you couldn't contain your detest with her. She was hardly ever kind and it bothered you to no end. 

“I apologize, Your Majesty. A knight’s oath prevents me from revealing my face until the sounding of the twelfth bell.”

“Bollocks to that.” Eist took a step forward and tugged off Duny’s mask, dropping it in disgust. Everyone gasped as Calanthe stared at Duny, repulsed.

“Witcher, kill it.”

“No.”

“Whatever the price.”

“This is no monster.”

“I order you.”

“This knight has been cursed.”

“You’re as useless as the rest of them. Slay this beast!” Two guards stepped forward but Duny easily beat them as he turned back to Calanthe with desperation.

“Lioness of Cintra, I come to claim what is rightfully mine! Pavetta. By the Law of Surprise.” Before anyone could speak more, more guards appeared and attacked Duny. He carried himself easily as he defeated the guards around him, slashing at them. But as more guards entered the room, he became overpowered and was hit roughly in the face. He fell and rolled onto his back as he stared up at the guard holding a large axe over his head. He panted as he stared up at the guard with fear as he dripped blood from his lips. You growled out in anger at the queen’s disregard for the man’s life. You ran and grabbed his discarded sword as you stood over Duny. “NO!” The guard swung the axe and you swung the sword at the same time, cutting it in half as the axe fell into Duny’s hands. You swung your sword again, slitting the guards throat. He looked at you and nodded, before getting up and looking at all of the guards that surrounded the both of you. Geralt growled in anger at you for putting yourself in such a compromising position. You looked over at him and shook your head, telling him it wasn't the moment for him to scold you. He made his way to your side, almost hovering over you. 

“Kill them all!”

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[xavantina]

I got my hands on a copy of the new Euroman for @idontfindyouthatinteresting, and I took the opportunity to translate some of the interview as well. I tried scanning the article, but my scanner is broken, so you’ll have to make due with iPhone pics of the photos until someone with a working scanner gets in the game.

Rest of the photos and the interview under the cut.

The interview itself was a monster of a thing with lots and lots of flowery descriptions of random scenery, so I cut it down to just the questions, though a few highlights of the rest include:

When he was knighted the Queen of Denmark told him she liked Flame and Citron and he was like ‘fuck yeah’.

He rolls up with his classic bedroom eyes, mismatched tracksuit, and worn sneakers, and just needs a smoke before they go in.

The reporter thinks it’s pointless for a hairdresser to style Mads’ hair because it’s amazing already.

Mads goes around introducing himself to everyone in the room with “Hi. My name is Mads.”

He speaks very fast in Danish.

Onward with the questions:

Q. You were an unknown dancer for ten years before you became an actor. In terms of staying grounded, has it been an advantage for you that you had your breakthrough at such a mature age?

A. Yes, I think so. I probably wouldn’t have had problems staying grounded even if I had been 20 years old. But I think it’s harder for a 17-year-old today, where you can have your breakthrough on a whole different platform and gain three million followers, or whatever the hell they have. It’s obvious that if everyone thinks you’re cool, and you’re told so a bit too often, then you start thinking ‘yeah, I am. I’m cool’. It’s easier to handle being recognized in the street when you’re 32, than when you’re 17. I think.

 Q. Your James Bond co-star Jesper Christensen has said that he can no longer enter a public space and just sit there observing, because everyone is always staring at him. He can no longer gain inspiration for his work from real life– from ‘ordinary people’ – like he used to. Do you feel the same way?

A. It’s a terrible loss. It’s not that I’ve always been preparing to be an actor, but I’ve always been curious. Even as a child, I would sit in different places and watch what was happening over there, human behavior, the way they looked and the way they walked. Always. And too often I started copying people when I saw them. I would sit just like them for a while, just to try how it felt. That’s over now. Whenever I’m out somewhere, 50 people are sitting around staring at me. Then I have to worry about scratching my nose, and there’s 40 camera phones in my face. Then I have to go to a different country.

Q. Don’t you get recognised abroad?

A. They know me around the world to various degrees. There are definitely many places where they don’t care at all, but James Bond, Star Wars, and Marvel movies, all of which I’ve starred in, have a great reach. The happy result of this is that people become curious about me as an actor, so I’m often stopped abroad because people know me from The Green Butchers or The Hunt. That’s super cool.

Q. Is it important for you to get recognition in the business? And do you?

A. A foreign colleague whom I have great respect for told me that he and three friends would sit down and watch the Pusher trilogy every weekend. That made me happy. Recognition from colleagues is important. Recognition from yourself is just much more important. You can get into a cycle where you go around constantly patting each other on the back because you need it so badly in my line of work. We’re judged all the time. It’s really hard, and so we probably have a tendency to praise each other more than we should. You should be happy when other people think what you’re doing is great, but you need to remember to consider what you think about it personally. ‘Was this what I wanted? Yes, okay, fine. Next time I might go in this direction instead.’ That’s important. And it’s the same if what people are saying about you sucks. There are many opinions out there. And if you start reading on social media you’ll never get to bed. You should stay away from that.

Q. Where do you find material and inspiration when you can’t go people-watching anymore? Do you have a memory bank you draw from?

A. Probably. I can also sit and watch people on screen, television and so on. But inspiration should primarily come from the script and the director. But I really miss sitting around and watching other people, and I certainly miss them not staring at me. I don’t try to hide though, I never wear a cap or anything. Sunglasses annoy the hell out of me, so I don’t use those at all. Luckily I‘m forgetful: I walk outside in the morning and don’t spend a second wondering how it’s going to be when I arrive somewhere – whether I’ll be recognized, I mean. That’s not just something I’m saying. I get in my car and drive somewhere and enter wherever I’m going, and don’t think about it at all. It’s not until people do this (Mads widens his eyes and turns his head) and do a double check that I’m reminded what it’s like. And that’s good, because otherwise I’d never leave the house.

Q. But you haven’t always been famous – in Hollywood you were a total unknown in the beginning. As the unknown from a small country did you have to work to earn the respect from people around you when you did your first foreign films?

A. I never consciously considered that I had to do something to make them listen to me. If I thought something could be done differently, I haven’t been afraid of going up to people and telling them. Obviously it’s not like it is in Denmark where I can just call Thomas Vinterberg up and say ‘hey, I just had an idea, won’t you come over?’ A Hollywood director on a big movie has maybe 30 actors on his list and everybody wants something from him, so the scale is different. But I still speak up, if there’s something wrong, and only if I’m serious about it. If I’m not serious about it, we just start working on whatever we’re doing.

Q. Are you treated differently on set now that you’re a bigger star?

A. Yes. I was very surprised with first time I was part of a large foreign production. We were on set, and I approached someone from the light-crew to ask about something. Then he looked down at the ground and didn’t answer. Turns out there had been this big name actor, whose name I can’t be bothered to mention, who had just done a movie with this crew, and the crew was under strict orders to never look this actor in the eyes. So there I was, a product of all this. Those were the kind of things I had to get used to. Luckily I found out that if I just focused on my work in the same way I usually did my surroundings would relax pretty quickly. They care more about things abroad than they do in Denmark. I’ve had some pretty weird experiences on foreign jobs. For example, I’m often assigned a so-called handler. Someone who meets me at the airport and helps with checking in and stuff like that. Which is fine, if you’re in Beijing and your have no idea where you’re going. But on foreign gigs I’ve also tried being a assigned a handler at Copenhagen Airport, who is supposed to follow me and help me. That’s pretty absurd, since I’ve checked in 2000 times before in Copenhagen and know how to do it. A handler is always dressed really nicely too, so everybody at the airport ends up staring at me even more. That’s a weird service.

Q. How about the treatment you receive from the other stars, or the business as a whole? How do you experience the hierarchy in Hollywood?

A. When I worked with Benedict Cumberbatch in Doctor Strange and with Daniel Craig in Casino Royale it was their first big films as well, so the hierarchy wasn’t crazy. I’ve been spared from meeting someone abroad who was a real hot shot or just tired of doing what they were doing. There are plenty of people with attitude, plenty of large personalities, but I’ve met very few proper divas who are impossible to work with. The few I have met have been here at home. It’s actually a myth, that this is a diva business. If you did an inquiry and compared us to bus drivers or doctors for example, I think actors would rate much lower than them on the diva-scale. We’re very conscious about not behaving like divas, so everyone tries to act natural. Nobody wants to be branded like that. And when one finally comes along, which obviously happens, then it’s so exciting, and it sounds like the whole business is infected with them. But holy shit, man, how many little kings in their little kingdoms have you met driving the 8 Line?

 Q. Your generation, which had its breakthrough 20-25 years ago, has taken up a lot of space back here at home and internationally. You’ve become…

A. You can say ‘old’. We’ve gotten bloody old.

Q. Has it only now become clear how much space you take up?

A. No. I think it was obvious from the beginning. We were a generation that grew up with a big fascination for certain foreign films. Many of us had Martin Scorsese and Francis Ford Coppola in common. There weren’t’ many Danish films we could relate to. [here follows a whole bit about Danish movie history that no one outside Denmark will care about, so I’m skipping it] We felt like we were living in the 50’s. We were watching foreign movies like ‘Taxi Driver’ and saying to each other ‘is this from 1975?’ What have we done in Denmark this year? It was crazy. Completely crazy. Obviously something had to be done. And it was. We grew in different directions but suddenly the gap wasn’t so wide… I mean, we were no longer being told what it was like to be a teenager by an 88 year old director. We were the same age and we communicated directly. Just like Scorsese and De Niro in the 70’s. Same age, let’s go, rock’n’roll. Obviously it’s hard for the next generation, who comes after us, to just change things as well. Because we did the right thing. So now they either have to copy that approach, or improve it, or come up with something completely new. It was easier for us, if I’m being honest. We said ‘Hey, have you seen this before?’ and people went ‘No, we haven’t. Cool!’ But we had to do it. And we were allowed to do it, first and foremost. Some things went wrong, some things went right. But it was really important.

 Q. You and your brother both seem like you’re very down to earth. Is that a result of growing up on Nørrebro?

A. Yes, I guess. No… Where the fuck did Pilou (Asbæk) grow up? He has some higher ‘a’s than I do, when he taaaaalks. But he’s damn well down to earth too. So I think it’s a Danish thing. If you try to rise a bit above other people, it won’t be very long until you’re pulled back down.

Q. Have you tried it?

A. No. As a Danish person it’s very hard to demand only to be served the yellow M&Ms without people laughing at you.

Q. Can’t it be limiting, that we’re like that? That everything has to be so down to earth.

Pause.

A. It’s funny, because we’re different than the Swedish. They have a whole different way of engaging with their stars. The Swedish are down to earth too. But when Swedish actors sit down to talk like this, like I’m doing now, and a journalist enters the room, that they start (Mads straightens and adopt a somber tone) speaking like this. And the things they say become great philosophy. They also start to move (he waves his arm theatrically) like they were on stage at the Royal Theatre. When I see that I think ‘what the fuck just happened?’. The Swedish write with great reverence about their stars as well. They have a huge amount of respect for what they give us. Swedish stars have a whole different status in society than we do in Denmark. They like putting things up on a pedestal, and they’re allowed to do that in a totally different way then we are. You can’t do that here. And thank God for that. But you can also say, that in Denmark you don’t always respect people for what they can do. Sometimes people will go ‘Fuck man, I can do what Caroline Wozniacki does. She’s the worst I’ve ever seen.’ Okay? I mean, it’s nice that we’re down to earth in Denmark. But it’s grotesque to say that ‘What Wozniacki does, I can do just as well.’

 So that’s how I spent the last five hours of my life...

[runaways-withme]

Dear Descendants,

I’ve started this letter immediately after I realized this blog exists. I’m not as good at words as I wish I was so I admittedly was putting off making sense of my tear stained-feelings on this page. With something like this, I don’t think words will turn out perfect but that’s okay. So here it goes. 

When I saw the first commercial for Descendants, I remember thinking it looked kinda tacky. I was lowkey teasing how it looked visually and one of the lines that a character said. It didn’t look like anything that made any sense. Then, my opinion turned from a negative one to a positive because of the line with Ben telling the VKs that they don't have to be like their parents. That stuck with me. Without getting into detail, I don't come from the best family.  I never would want to treat anyone younger than me like I was treated. So what Ben said really rang true for me and got me to actually watch it.

Despite me thinking the movie looked too weird and not initially thinking I would like it, I got hooked on it when I watched it for the first time. I love musicals and I love Kenny Ortega from his other works. I have never seen a disney movie quite like this.  This movie and it’s messages are so special to me. I relate to the characters and what they went through. I loved how it was able to be goofy and fun, alongside being very real. 

We meet the four kids who are mostly judged for being evil just because their parents are villains. These kids went through childhood trauma and bad living conditions. It took one person believing in them and their own friendship to realize how they are worth so much.

The scene that really got to me while watching was when Lonnie was talking about chocolate chip cookies how her mom would make her cookies to cheer her up when she’s not in a good mood as an act of love. The VKs never had anything nice and caring from their parents so you just see the sad look on their faces. Lonnie says “I just thought.. even villains love their kids!” with a smile on her face. She looks to the four and then has empathy when she realizes they really have it hard and starts crying. That hit close to home but I loved how it really shows that not everyone has a good relationship with their parents. It also had a character from the outside have a care and understanding of their situation, which they never really had from anyone who wasn’t Ben. 

 I went from hating it from my first impression to listening to the soundtrack on repeat and being one of the things that made me feel good. The songs personally being better than actual artists on the radio. I also love how genuinely amazing the choreography are.  Positive messages of being yourself despite what other people want and expect from you. The diversity within the cast and characters. That a woman's worth should never be based on a man but on our own attributes like being strong, smart and other talents. That women should be seen as equal than men. The message that we can all pave other own path and choose good. It showed that royalty aren’t automatically good or better than the isle kids. These VKs are misunderstood and deserve a chance to be good. People should have compassion for each other. We shouldn’t judge people just based on where they come from. They taught me about friendship and loyalty. To believe in yourself and each other. 

With the last movie, they don’t want the other VKS to go through the same things they know happens on the isle. It has its flaws but I just have so much love for these characters. I felt like everyone finally got the happiness and freedom they always wanted. It's an amazing conclusion to a franchize and as a fan, I feel like it’s everything that I wanted for a long time. Descendants was a part of our lives for 5 years and will still hold an importance for many more. 

The cast’s real bond that they have with each other  is one of the amazing things I loved about it. You can’t fake a friendship like that. I also love that in real life they do stand up for what they believe in with supporting lgbt rights, and embracing diversity. 

To Dove, you’re a phenomenal singer and actress and I’m glad that I was able to see you have a lot of success. I love you for supporting poc and and loving women. Mal taught me that you can even come from one of the worst situations but still choose to be better than what you went through and how you were treated. 

To Sofia, I don’t know of someone as graceful and kind as you. You mean a lot to me. You have an amazing voice and a great actress. Evie taught me that friendship is very important and girls are worth more than that superficialities. We can be smart and have many talents that and our worth is named based on being associated with guys. 

To Booboo, I loved you since T-squad and love you in everything I’ve seen you in. King of doing your own stunts, I love you for representing your culture. I love how friendly you are and how caring you are. Jay taught me that relying only on yourself can only take you so far and having a sense of community and teamwork is so important. 

To Cam, I don’t know you personally but you made an impression on everyone who was able to even know of you. I never watched Jessie but I remember you being a tiny kid on disney and seen you in the grown ups movie. You are such a fun and loving person. You lived life to the fullest. I remember watching an interview where you said that as a kid you really loved to dance but you stopped at one point. Descendants got you to get back to dancing and being something you love and are passionate about. I remember seeing you dance in Did I mention and saw that you were a natural and phenomenal dancer. Your talent shined again in D2 in Chillin like a villain. Your portrayal of Carlos meant so much to me. Being a good natured and caring kid who happened to be in a bad situation and not choosing to do harm. The growth of him being a reasonably scared kind to having the courage to stand up to his mom in the first movie and being able to speak up for himself and the others means so much to me. I hope to be more like that.  I love you so much. Thank you for being a good carlos and even a better Cameron.

To China, I knew you were a talent since WOWP. You are a queen of comedy and can make any song sound amazingly like just like singing about a soccer ball lol. When I first found out you were going to be in D2 I freaked! I love you also in Black Lighting also being another badass with superpowers. Thank you for bringing the fire that Uma has. I think you were born to play Uma you multitalented queen! I love your parts in the songs especially, What’s My Name. I love Uma for caring about having the isle kids. She was just misunderstood as a villain. She was standing up for others who are often ignored. I’m glad her plan came true.

To the rest of the cast: Thomas Doherty, you are so talented. Who knew I needed a loyal but super confident pirate who can rap in my life? 

Sarah Jeffrey, thank you for bringing the drama and passion to Audrey. She’s a character I grew to love and I’m glad she got the apology she deserved from both Mal and Ben. Audrey is very flawed but aren’t we all? The #1 spot on trending that Queen of Mean had is very much well deserved. 

 Breanna D’aimico, thanks for brilliantly portraying the timid and scared girl that I relate to. I’m glad she gained her confidence and was able to get her happy ending. 

Gil is so sweet and silly. Chad going from a villain to being a comedic relief? Iconic we love a goofy king

King Ben thanks for seeing the good in people when others didn’t. 

Dizzy, Celia, Squeaky and Squirmy and the rest of the isle kids are my children. 

Thank you Paul Becker and  Jamal Sims for the amazing choreography 

Thank you to the costume designers, hairdressers and makeup artists who made them look their part

To anyone behind the scenes who made these movies happen, I adore you.

Kenny Ortega! You’re amazing and you got a star to prove it! You  gave everyone their childhood for Hocus Pocus and all the disney musicals you directed and choreographed. Your movies are always fun and have positive lessons that I will always take to heart. 

This franchise and it’s cast will always mean so much to me. I will always choose good.

To descendants fans, i n the words of the credits song of the first movie that means everything to me, I believe in you.

[harrisonstories]

The Beatles (with Pete Best) playing at The Cavern in 1961

The Girl George Left Behind, 16 Spec magazine (1967)

by Pat Hodgett

[...] For years I had a gigantic crush on George. My greatest thrill was exchanging a few words with him in the Cavern when he wasn’t playing. We girls used to hang ‘round the band room there - it was a really tatty little room - hoping to catch a glimpse of our favorites. Then the bouncer would come along and turn us all out. I laugh when I think about it now, but we actually tried to make the Beatles jealous by pretending to ignore them and talking to other boys. I don’t suppose we ever succeeded!

When I first got to know George, he was still an apprentice electrician. Later, he gave up his job to play full time. I was so crazy about him that, when I went to technical school to study millinery, I made him a hat. It was a sort of suede cap, really. He wore it very loyally till it fell apart. 

I was never George’s sweetheart. We were just good friends. In fact, I was friends with all the boys. We’d go to movies together, and things like that. Even in those days the Beatles had their distinct personalities. John was always the one who, if he had an idea, would stick to it through thick and thin. Paul was always the debonair one. George, the one I adored, was just nice and simple and a little bit dozy in the way he never seemed to be listening to what you were saying.

I don’t think that I ever dreamed the Beatles would be famous one day, but they often talked about what they would do if they got money. George, who was very fond of sleeping, said that he’d like a huge electric bed in which to ride ‘round the town, so that he’d never have to get up. Paul’s ambition was to have a super smoking jacket: something in velvet. And John said he’d like to have a harem!

I knew Ringo very much less than the others because he was still the drummer with Rory Storm. He looked much better with his beard. It’s a shame they made him shave it off. Pete Best was the Beatles’ drummer in those days, and when the boys wrote their number, P.S. I Love You, the girls used to twist the words and sing: “Pete Best, I love you!”

Oh, well, it was all a long time ago, and all I’ve got are my memories and my photographs [...] In those days, Mike [McCartney] was an apprentice hairdresser, and sometimes he used to cut the boys’ hair for them. George was the only member of the group who wore his hair long, really long. 

Every time Mike took a picture of George, I would pester him till he gave me a print for my collection. I kept a scrapbook of clippings, too. I spent a fortune on magazines. Anything that carried a line mentioning the boys, I cut out and pasted in my book. There isn’t a dramatic end to my story. As soon as fame came to the Beatles, I saw less and less of them. After a long interval, they came back to play at a theatre in Liverpool. I bumped into George on the street, and we had a pleasant chat. 

It wasn’t the last time I saw George. I met him later at the theatre, with Pattie Boyd. I knew she had accompanied him to Liverpool and I went prepared to hate her, but when he introduced her to me, I couldn’t help liking her. I wish George and Pattie - and John, Paul and Ringo - all the luck in the world. But I wish, too, that it all didn’t have to change - that I could still be a schoolgirl playing hookey from classes and running off to the Cavern to see and listen to the Beatles long before they became famous and left Liverpool to become teen idols all over the world.

[ulticakey]

Have some soft fem Klance for the soul, with a tiny fic to acompany it.

They were walking hand in hand through the crowds, noises and flashing lights of every color surrounding them, it had been a while since Allura had given them a free day, the Defenders of the Universe didn't have the luxury of taking even a day to rest, it seemed.

But they had been really tired lately, fighting galra fleet after galra fleet without respite, and no matter how much stamina they had, the sleepless nights, endless rescue missions, diplomatic meetings and continuous fights wore them down to the point that they had just wanted to fall unconscious on any horizontal surface available.

Keira had drawn the line when he had found Lidia sprawled out on the floor of one of the hallways that lead to the common room, dead to the world, she had rushed to her aid only to find that she had fainted, most probably from exhaustion.

She had taken her to the medical bay and quickly ran to tell Allura that they needed a day off, and they needed it now.

The princess had agreed, dark circles under her eyes, she had been tired too, too many meetings and fights and castle maintenance stealing all her free time. She said that the galra had retreated for the time being, and that a day to rest was in order, then she had apologized for pushing them to their limits, even if she was doing it for the greater good.

Eventually they had reached a new galaxy, and as soon as Coran had seen the planet he flipped out, he had such fond memories of the place, wanted to come back one day if he could, and now he got the chance. He explained that the planet was kind of a resort for vacation and relaxation only, it had everything, from casinos -the princess had glared at her advisor, her eyes narrowing- spas, water parks, carnivals, parades...it had everything you could ever want.

So they had docked into the hangars, registered as guests, and decided to be on their way, but they hadn't gotten very far before Lidia, who had just recently woken up, had demanded that everyone synthesise new clothes, berating them for looking like 'Hobos' and saying that they needed some casual clothes for it to feel like a real vacation. With so much enthusiasm pouring out from every pore of her body, no one could tell her no, so they had taken turns and fabricated some clothes to wear, then they had left in pairs, minus Coran, who looked at the casinos with longing.

Allura and Shiro had decided to treat themselves to a spa day, while Pidge and Hunk decided to visit the electronic and culinary fairs, that had just left Lidia and Keira, and the latter had suggested to just walk around until they found something they enjoyed. Eventually they had arrived to an area filled with food stands, an amusement park, games and other things.

Lidia had held out her hand and the red paladin had taken it without thinking, the warmth they shared through their clasped hands a comforting familiar feeling.

And that's where they found themselves right now, walking through the carnival while Lidia pointed at everything and anything that she found amusing, funny or interesting, Keira adding her two cents when she found something she liked.

"Oh my god, look at that stuffed animal, alien...thing? I don't know what it is but it looks so cute!" The blue paladin exclaimed, her excitement clearly visible, but Keira wasn't fooled, her smile didn't reach her eyes, her boisterous behaviour was fake, she was nervous, looking at Keira from the corner of her eye every few seconds, she was trying to hide something and it made the shorter girl frown.

"Lidia, are you okay?" Her voice was soft, a tone she only used for her lover when she had to coax her into opening up and sharing her troubles.

"I...I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? We're having a date! After so many days I'm finally able to take you on a real date! Of course I'm okay." She said this with a grin, but in truth she was way too preoccupied with her own thoughts to notice that her facade was slipping.

"It doesn't look like you're enjoying yourself too much, you keep giving me side glances and then looking away." She pouted "Is there something wrong? Are the clothes I choose so ugly? You can tell me, you know, I won't get mad." She really wouldn't, she didn't care about fashion at all, but knew that Lidia did, so if it was a problem she could go change.

"No, no, no, you look beautiful as always, and you actually had good taste for once." The clothes she fabricated were really nice, a tight red skirt that made her ass look wonderful and a white blouse with ruffles that gave her a classical look, she couldn't really complain, no.

Still feeling worried, Keira closed the distance between them, both her hands sneaking around and holding her girlfriend's waist. "If it's not about that, then what is it? You know I'm not good with words or feelings, and I miss social cues a lot of the time, so if it's something I did, or whatever, just be blunt and tell me, or I won't get it." She had trouble understanding the references Lidia and Hunk spouted at seemingly random times, and even when her lover had explained them, they didn't make sense to her.

"Baby, it's nothing you did, it's not you, really, it's me, it's silly, and selfish, and probably shallow, but..." She bit her lip, a frown marring her beautiful features. "I can't stop thinking about your hair." There, she said it, it was out in the open now.

Feeling a bit self-conscious at the reminder, Keira brought her right hand up to touch the small hairs on the base of her neck. "That's what it was? You know I don't care either way, right? It's even more comfortable as it is right now, doesn't get in the way." It had been a hassle combing it everyday, and it got annoying when she fought, it didn't feel like a loss to her when it got cut.

Lidia listened to her, or tried to anyway, but her mind had a sudden flashback to last week, and suddenly she was far away, they were on a rescue mission, and they had been doing really well, she was sniping and shooting with her guns while Keira slashed at everyone that got close, then abruptly a super fast and sneaky galra commander had joined the fray, hitting them hard and fast with no time to react.

Lidia had been thrown back to the other side of the room, and she had gotten up just in time to see the galran slash at his girlfriend, her bayard flying from her hands, she had tried to dodge but the guy was relentless, and with a swift swipe he slashed horizontally.

Right to her lover's neck.

For one terrifying second he had thought the soldier had beheaded the red paladin.

Her mind a swirling mess of pure unadulterated rage, she shot at the soldier with deadly and accurate precision, a battle cry and an anguished scream leaving her lips, she fired her gun until nothing remained of the guy, obliterating him. Sweating and panting, heaving for breath, she whirled around and ran to Keira's side, her whole being trembling, but before she even reached her, the red paladin was getting up, seemingly okay, but Lidia caught something falling to the ground, and as her eyes followed...

She shrieked.

The shorter girl jumped at the loud sound, terrified for a second, worried that Lidia was hurt, but she had followed her gaze and watched in fascination as a thick mess of black hair rested now on the ground, her hand reaching up to touch her neck, fingers coming back coated in blood. The blue paladin had walked up to her, assessed the damage, and demanded to be brought back to the castle and a healing pod to be ready, even so, a small scar had remained where she had been cut, and she had to ask Shiro to even out her hair so she didn't look stupid.

All in all, Lidia had been worried sick, and scared, and really sad, but it was stupid and she didn't want to worry her girlfriend so she kept silent. She was brought back to the present by a hand slowly caressing her cheek.

"Sweetheart? Are you with me? -Lidida nodded- Good, you had me worried for a second there. What is this about my hair? Do you dislike it that much?" The other shook her head fervently, she was perfect and lovely and gorgeous no matter what.

"It's not that, I don't care how you look, I love you anyway and you know I don't care about that, I mean, not that I'm complaining because those biceps make me drool and you know it -Lidia!- and those thighs -Oh god stop it- okay, okay. It's just...stupid, I really loved your long hair, it relaxed me when you let me braid it, and I loved to run my fingers through it, it was soothing and...I dunno, it looked really good on you. But I didn't want you to think I only liked you that way, or that I was all about appearances and stuff, it just made me sad when it got cut, and I know it sounds selfish so I didn't say anything." She frowned, ashamed, for her, it had felt like a part of her lover had got torn apart without permission, it was silly, it was just hair and it would grow back, and the red paladin didn't seem to care anyway so there was no problem.

"I know you're not that shallow Lidia, and I remember how you always played with my hair after a nightmare to calm yourself down, the only reason I never cut my hair at first, was because I was lazy and in the desert there was no hairdresser. Then I left it long just for you, because your eyes always light up when I let it down and you looked at me in a way that made me  feel warm inside, and then you confessed and began taking care of my hair and...I got to enjoy it, I really loved our hair care sessions." She smiled fondly, hands still gripping the other's waist gently, but strongly.

"So there's no need to worry, I'll grow it long again, it will take time, but if you don't mind waiting..." Lidia shook her head again, this time wrapping her own hands around Keira's waist and squeezing.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to force you into doing something you don't want, if you think you're more comfortable this way, I don't mind, honestly. I just got really scared back then, and then I saw the hair on the ground and just....kinda lost it, I think if it had been in another situation, like, if you had cut it willingly, I wouldn't have had a problem." She sighed, holding Keira tighter against her chest, her hand drawing small circles on the other's back.

"It's fine, I get it, you were pretty mad when that guy nearly got me, I heard your scream, it was...painful, it's fine to feel that way, you're not forcing me to do anything, I'm doing this because I love you and I don't want to see you so worried and sad again. I'll grow it long again, and then we can choose a new haircut, the both of us, yeah?" She raised herself up on her tiptoes, nose brushing against Lidia's cheek, the other letting out a small huff of a laugh before leaning down to touch their foreheads together.

"Yeah...yeah, that sounds really nice....gods, you don't know how much I love you, do you?." Her voice was full of affection and warmth, love coating every word that left her lips.

"Oh, I know it all right, but I'll be sure to show you how much I love you tonight." The taller girl blushed a dark crimson and closed her eyes, the red paladin using that moment to kiss her cheek, the other girl opening one eye to gaze lovingly at her lover, a giggle escaping her lips, and then another and another one, it looked like the blue paladin couldn't stop.

A quick kiss on the mouth solved that problem.

[archivepolarisornah]

“I cannot believe I broke my phone on my first day!” The girl was almost to scared to pick her phone up. She had this one for years, and now it was broken. I surely hope this isn’t some bad omen telling me my freshman year is going to be hell.

“Oh. Damn, I’m sorry,” Hallie said with a sympathetic frown. “Is it like … actually broken or is the screen just cracked? Maybe it won’t be that expensive to fix?” She wanted to suggest a thicker case, as well, but she wasn’t sure how well received that suggestion would be, knowing now might not be the best time. 

Lilo sighed before noticing someone had noticed her. Awkward. “Uh-yeah no I mean there is nothing to apologize for.” She rambled before starting to laugh. “I’m sorry, first impressions always are the worst with me.” She looked at her phone and frowned. “I think it’s just the glass I’m not sure.” Either way, she’d have to work a bit longer at the dance studio now. “Maybe, I’ll go to the store to see what they can do. Oh, right! My name is Lilo. Nice to meet you, as you might have guessed I’m new here.” 

“Oh! A freshman!” Hallie said with a friendly smile. “It’s really nice to meet you, though I wish it were under better circumstances.” She looked at the broken phone with sympathy. “I’m sure there’s like … coupons or something you can get for repairs. Maybe there’s a student on campus who could fix it for credit on an assignment or something.” She didn’t really know what else to suggest, she just felt bad for the girl and wanted to do something to help.

Lilo was quick to jump back on her feet and offer the other a handshake. First impressions were important after all, especially to upperclassmen, or well women in this case. She gave the stranger a weak nod. “I can try, I’ll first check at the store if it can be saved. Could you give me the time, I really have no clue now if I’m running late or not?” Moreover, the campus was far larger than she had pictured and she could see herself getting lost with ease.

“Oh, sure,” Hallie said, giving her the time. “Do you have summer classes?” she asked curiously, wondering if the freshman was taking extra classes before her school year officially started. It was a good idea to get ahead of the curve, and Hallie admired the younger girl for it. Hallie had never been able to take on extra work due to needing a job while she was in school, but she thought it was a good idea in general.

“I am.” She had been worried that she would end up being behind if she didn’t. “I mean I don’t know what is waiting for me, and I’m someone who gets lost quite easily. I thought if I attended summer classes then I can get familiar with the place and lower the risks of coming across as a big…idiot.” Well, she didn’t really have a world-class first impression now did she?

“I think that’s a good idea,” Hallie said with a nod. “Not that I think you’d come across as an idiot otherwise, but it’s always nice to go the extra mile and get an advantage.” She smiled. “I’m sure you’ll quickly get used to things and know this place like the back of your hand. Do you like exploring normally?”

“I don’t know, I’ve been a bit…” Well, could she call it bullied? “Having some issues with a girl I went to school with, she kept calling me out and since then I’ve always been a bit wary about my image.” Or what she represented. They were becoming adults and she wanted to be likeable, gain lots of friends and offer support instead of being the clutz that ended things in disaster. “I do LOVE exploring. you know how everything can seem mysterious with a bit of imagination. It’s a bit what I do when I look for a place for my pictures- search the magic of a location.”

“Oh, pictures? You do photography?” Hallie asked, latching onto that topic of conversation. She felt bad for the girl when she mentioned having issues with someone, and she didn’t want to dwell on any painful topics. Besides, she thought people with a gift for photography were really interesting. They saw the world in an entirely new way, kind of like how Wallace did. She wished she had the same eye for beauty in unconventional places like that. “What’re your favorite things to take photos of?”

“Yes, I love holding a camera and creating memories wherever I go.” It was her magic wand in some way and at the same time something she could hold on to. She regrets the lack of pictures of her parents, that’s why she held onto the pictures of other things in her life. “The world changes through the eye of a lens you know, you start to appreciate the rain, how light reflects on any ordinary object and with some artificial things, it’s like you create magic.”

She took a map out of her bag showing a recent picture she had taken. “I’ve been playing around with colour a lot lately.” She smiled. “And certainly people. People have something magical around them, especially their eyes. You can cover their mouth and you’ll still be able to read their emotion.” Lilo explained. “Do this with the eyes and you can fool the world.”

“Oh wow, this is really cool,” Hallie said with a nod, looking at the photos then up at Lilo with a faint grin. “I love color. Are eyes the thing you notice first about people, then?” she asked curiously. “I tend to notice their smiles, first. My best friend Wallace has the best smile. But eyes can be really expressive, you’re right.”

“Thanks.” Lilo smiled, watching her stare at her portfolio. “I love colour as well, and actually that’s not the first thing I notice. It’s more often their hands.” Do they tremble, where do they place it when they are with their partner, do their veins show, do they hold scars. The hands at time tell a story about the person, and how they treat others.

“Wallace is quite a unique name.” She smiled. “And they aren’t called the mirror to the soul for nothing.”

“Oh, hands,” Hallie repeated with an interested look. “I never would’ve thought to look at hands. Can you tell a lot about a person by their hands?” She tried to think if she’d ever noticed Wallace’s hands. Not unless they were touching her in some way, she supposed. She noticed a lot about Wallace in general, but not ever anything super specific, except for his smile.

“Actually you should be surprised how sometimes you can even read the profession in someone’s hands.” She smiled. “Like how sometimes a hairdresser still has dye on their hands, how a surgeon has two lines that indicate they stitch a lot. “But also age.” There could be spots due to age appearing. “Also their health can be indicated in the hands, example liver, lung and heart illnesses could be found in your fingernails.

“And the way they move their hands while holding the partner can even reveal if they are a great partner or a douchbag.” She shrugged.

“Oh, wow, I guess you’re right,” Hallie said, never having considered all those things, but once Lilo mentioned them, she could see how that all made sense. She looked down at her own hands and wondered what they said about her, before her mind went to Wallace’s, wondering what they said about him.

“That’s really insightful of you,” she said, looking back up at Lilo with a smile. “You could probably do a whole project on the stories people’s hands tell.”

Lilo nodded. “You learn some things looking at one’s hand, and eyes. People really are amazing.” It’s like everyone had a story, and some people just want to read the book without making someone else uncomfortable. She had the urge to twirl around but refrained. It still was the first meeting, so she couldn’t be too eager in expressing herself.

“Well, that’s something new.” She laughed. She was bullied before so she wasn’t used to being complimented, other’s just saw her as that weird kid without any parents. “I could, but I guess it depends on what the teacher assigns. I do want to include people in it.”

“I think you totally should. I know sometimes the professors will work with you on a certain concept if you really want to incorporate it into your assignments. They like it when you’re engaged and interested,” Hallie said with a nod and a smile. “At least, the ones I have always are. Some of them seem really tired and like they’d rather be anywhere else, but most of them like being there because that’s usually the subject they’re interested in too, you know? Not like in high school where you’ll get, like, the PE teacher also teaching math or something.”

She nodded toward Lilo’s phone. “I know of some really cute cases you can find at this kiosk at the mall. Once you get it fixed, you should check them out!”

“I really hope so, I’m curious to get to know my teachers. I’m still waiting on my schedule for when actual classes start.” Lilo tapped her feet, crossing it. “Ah, I wonder what I look most forward to, photography or dancing!” She clapped her hands, glowing with excitement, she was trying to go for classic ballet, so it was quite challenging with her hip hop background. “I understand what you mean, it’s a wonder some people are even allowed to teach, one of my math teachers actually spend his time on Facebook instead. It was horrible. He didn’t even have a textbook so most of it was self-study.”

“OH! I SHOULD!” It would lower the chance of her phone breaking as well. “Thank you.” Before she knew it she already hugged Hallie, but was quick to let go. “Woops, sorry I get a bit too excited sometimes, I hope I didn’t offend you.”

“Oh!” Hallie jumped slightly as she was suddenly in a hug and then not again. She smiled, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “It’s okay. I like hugs,” she assured Lilo. “It’s cute how excited you are about starting school. Most people wouldn’t be.” She shook her head. “But I’m glad you are.”

“Sorry, I am known to be a bit of a ball of energy.” Lilo really needed to start and try to respect boundaries, she was lucky that Hallie didn’t mind. “Well, it’s a new start. I had a lot of problems in my previous school, so I wish to make lovely new memories now.” She wanted to link school to a positive experience. “Thanks.”

“Oh, I bet you will,” Hallie assured her. “You make really good friends in college. I’m sure you’ll find a lot of people with a common interest in photography and dancing and before you know it you’ll have your own posse.” She grinned. “I think it’s a lot easier to find your people in college than in high school.”

Lilo wasn’t that sure about it, but she wanted to believe she would meet some wonderful people. “I hope so, I love to dance and photography with every part of my being, it would be nice to meet people with that same love. Yet I also would like to get friends with people interested in other things as well.” She hoped that with her being open to the teachers about her anxiety, things would go easier now than it had been in high school.

“Well, I think I should go now, It’s very nice to meet you, Hallie. I don’t think I can postpone things too long without getting late for my class. If you want we can meet up afterwards, if not then who knows we might bump into school.”

“Oh! Yeah, of course,” Hallie said, realizing she’d held up the girl a lot longer than she’d meant to and the other had been on her way somewhere. “Sorry, I guess we got a little carried away.” She smiled, nodding. “I’d love to meet up sometime. Why don’t you give me your phone number? Then when you get your phone fixed I’ll text you and we can get coffee sometime or something?” She got her phone out and held it out to Lilo so she could put her number in.

[loving-barnes]

VINTAGE JUKEBOX PARTY – BUCKY BARNES

(A/N): I’ve been listening to Postmodern Jukebox and I was inspired by their songs. I wrote it this morning and now, after I stopped thinking about some bad things, I was able to post this story. Enjoy! :)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader

Summary: Tony made (Y/N) sing at his vintage party even when she hates his parties. 

Edit: November 11, 2017

Warning: fluff

Words: 4200+

FULL MASTERLIST | BUCKY BARNES MASTERLIST

VINTAGE JUKEBOX PARTY – BUCKY BARNES

“(Y/N)?” Tony appeared next to the woman who was sitting on a chair in the kitchen, reading her favourite book – Anna Karenina. She was alone only for five minutes when someone-Tony-had to come to the kitchen and ruin the moment she had with the book. For the last four hours, people wanted something from her. She didn’t look at him, trying to ignore the man. “I know I’m annoying but I want to talk about the party I’m organising this Friday evening,” he put an angelic smile on his face. “I know you love my parties and I know you are going to love the idea that popped into my head and that is why I know you will definitely come to the party.”

She took a deep breath and lowered the book, giving him a look of pure annoyance. “Fine, talk, you have two minutes, not more,” she quickly checked the time on her wrist. The truth was, she hated Tony’s parties. They were loud, with music that wasn’t her cup of tea; there were always a lot of people that made her uncomfortable and a lot of them ended drunk. Wearing a slutty dress wasn’t something she appreciated and she definitely didn’t want men’s attention. Her only wish was to have one man’s attention but clearly, that wasn’t happening anytime soon.

Tony smiled and started to talk. “This Friday, we are going to have a different kind of party – a party you will actually enjoy. I’m talking about a theme party, (Y/N),” his eyes were sparkling with excitement. “I’m talking a 1930’s-1940’s party, a vintage party, for our two super soldiers,” and he winked at her. “I know that you enjoy older music,” his eyes found hers, “and I also know that even when you don’t admit it, you like modern music which means that you love modern music that has a vintage cover.”

Her eyes widened a bit. “You have one minute,” she warned him.

“I know you can sing, (Y/N)!” he almost screamed and she gasped. “You can’t hide anything from me! That is why I want you to sing at the party – the things you love, the old kind of stuff. I’ve heard the vintage version of Seven Nation Army you sang three days ago,” he poked her shoulder.

Damn, he got her. “Why should I do it for you?” she narrowed her (e/c) eyes, lowering them back to the book. “What have you done for me, Tony? I did so many things for you; I’ve covered your butt so many times I’ve lost count. Give me one good reason, Stark, and maybe I’ll consider it.”

The man turned around, only to check if they were alone. He leaned closer and whispered one simple word that made her heart skip a beat. “Barnes,” he grinned and checked her reaction. If he could, he would start a victory dance. “I know you like him – hell, I know you love him, (Y/L/N). I can see the way you are looking at him, the way you daydream about that man. Maybe, if you sing those songs, it might do something with him and the things will move forward.”

“I can’t,” that was her answer and she quickly looked at the book, trying to go back to reading.

“You are such a liar,” he nudged her shoulder again. “I know that deep inside, you want to do it,” he started to manipulate her. “You want to wear something nice so when he sees you, he would drop the drink he’d be holding in his hand. And just imagine when you’ll start singing all those songs – the way he would stare at you, barely breathing, that would be like a dream come true, am I right?”

And he was – she imagined the night, wishing it could happen just like Tony said. Being in love with James Barnes was painful. That was why she sang vintage songs or remade them to sound more old-fashioned, to be somehow connected to him even when he didn’t feel the same. Bucky still enjoyed music from the time he was still him. He had been struggling with himself and she tried to help him as much as possible. No one understood him like she did. She was empathic and that was one of the many abilities she had. She could put her heart and soul into the songs, even into making him feel better – more human.

“Why are you doing this to me?” she whispered, closing the book.

“I only want the best for you,” he smirked. “Come on, (Y/N). Will you do this for me?” he stroked her cheek. “Will you do this for Barnes and for the passion you put into those songs? I know you want to.”

“Fine,” she sighed. “But,” (Y/N) quickly stopped him before he could start to celebrate and dance at the same time. “I will arrange the band because I used to be in one, and you’ll pay for my dress, makeup, and hairdresser. Take it or leave it.”

“Deal!”

“One more thing, Tony,” she stopped him before he had the chance to leave. “How many of you know about my singing?” she glared at him.

“Let’s see,” he started to count on his fingers. “Me, Natasha, Clint and probably Wanda – the rest of them have no idea because you live way too far from Rogers and Barnes. They are one hundred, meaning they are deaf.  Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to arrange some things. Expect the dress on Friday morning. Thank you; you are the best, (Y/N)!”

               . . .

As promised, Tony sent the dress on Friday morning - the day when the party was happening. It was a massive box from a famous designer of baby pink colour with a black bow around it. Her eyes almost popped out when she saw what was inside – a beautiful vintage black dress with long sleeves with a puffy skirt that reached to the middle of the calves. It looked so beautiful it brought tears to her eyes.

She hung them on the door of the bathroom and took a good look at them. They were breathtaking. She only hoped they would bring her some luck tonight. While sipping a cup of tea she started to sing only to warm her voice for the big night. Was she nervous? Of course – she’ll be singing in front of the whole team and in front of Bucky who had no idea she could actually sing. Tony also sent invitations to his friends and other important people but he promised a calmer party with only old vintage songs and vintage covers. Because it was a vintage party, everybody had to wear something that fit into the theme.

There was a knock on the door. Putting the cup on a table, she stopped singing and gently opened them, not letting anyone in. There was Bucky, wearing sports clothes with a smile on his face. Damn, she’d forgotten about their usual plans they had. “Hi,” he greeted her, his voice a bit raspy. “Are you going to the gym?” he asked. “It’s time to practice your fighting technique.”

Yes, she totally forgot. “Oh my,” she gasped, “I’m so sorry I have something to do and I have to prepare for the party Tony’s organising. I promised Tony to help with something. I’m really sorry, I hope you understand,” she tried to give him a polite smile. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, sure, it’s okay,” he grinned. “I can’t believe Tony’s doing this for me and Steve,” she shook his head in disbelief and put his beautiful smile on the face. “He said something about a surprise that he has for us. Do you know anything?”  

“No,” she shook her head, mentally cursing Tony.

“Hey, were you singing?” he had to ask before he could leave to the gym without her.

“No,” she denied again. “I was listening something on my laptop,” she lied.

Suddenly, Natasha with two other women appeared behind Barnes. They were talking, laughing while approaching (Y/N)’s door. The three of them checked Bucky and the redhead smirked. “Oh, Barnes, we didn’t expect you here,” she grinned. “Ladies, this way,” she pointed at the door and the woman who was standing in them. “This is (Y/N) the one that Tony talked about.” 

They went inside her room. (Y/N) looked at Bucky and gave him a gentle style. “We have to get ready, James,” she said his real name softly. “I’ll see you this evening, okay? And once again, I’m very sorry.”

“Of course,” he nodded. When the woman closed the door, his flesh finger brushed against it and he sighed. Why was it so hard for him to express the feelings he had toward her – the only person who understood him even better than his best friend Steve. He was such a coward when it came to this. He bit his lower lip and slowly left her floor, heading to the gym where the rest of the guys were awaiting them.

Steve was punching the boxing moss and Sam with Clint were talking while lifting heavy weights. The blonde man looked at the ex-assassin, narrowing his eyes. He was surprised he didn’t come with (Y/N). They were always practising together. “Where’s (Y/N)?” he had to ask as he stopped doing what he was. Even the two other men looked at him, waiting for an answer.

“She’s getting ready for the party with Natasha,” he explained and sat down on the nearest bench, cracking the knuckles in his flesh hand. “There were two other women that came to help them. I think Wanda will join them too so no ladies today.”

“And that makes you sad,” Sam chuckled. “Look at your face, Metal Hand.”

“Oh, women, they have to get ready half a day ahead,” Clint made fun of them. “Like you haven’t already noticed it – women always have to get ready and it takes them way longer than us. We take a shower, put on some clothes and we are ready to go. They have to take a shower that takes more than two hours, then there is the makeup and the hair and as the last step, it’s what they are wearing. Some of them know what they will put on but the majority of them have no idea and they are picking the perfect dress for two-three hours – if they are lucky.”

“You know way too much about them,” Sam laughed and nudged his shoulder. “You should rather look at Barnes and enjoy the way he looks. He’s suffering because the girl he has a crush on isn’t here and he has to practice without her.”

“Sam, stop,” Steve gave him an evil glare. “Buck, you’ll see her later,” he said.

“I still can’t believe Tony’s throwing this kind of a party,” said Falcon, walking towards Steve only to have a better look at the brunet who was still sitting on the bench, daydreaming about the one and only girl. “I have nothing from your time, guys. If you don’t mind, I’m going to wear something more formal and that’s it. I wonder when Tony will throw a hip-hop party.”

“Don’t worry. We don’t own clothes like that anymore,” the blonde man patted his shoulder, ignoring the part about hip-hop.

“Do you even hear yourself?” Clint laughed. “You are like women, talking about clothes. I think I need a beer after we are done here.”

               …

The party was slowly starting. The band was ready, the atmosphere too including the decoration and small details Tony loved so much. The only thing missing was (Y/N). She was hiding in her room, looking at the mirror and checking herself from head to toes. This was ridiculous! There was no way she would go there and sing for them. And what was worst, she didn’t like herself in the dress or basically in anything. The dress was way too beautiful for her to wear.

“(Y/N)!” there was a knock on the door followed by Natasha’s shouting. “Open the door and come to the fucking party. It’s starting and you are needed there. Tony said you know the band and that you’ll be doing something special which I hope is nothing sexual!”

“I’m not going anywhere!” she whined. “I look terrible. The dress is beautiful and I’m only ruining it. Just go and enjoy the night,” she went to the bed and sat down on it. “I'd rather stay here.”

“Open the freaking door or I’ll break in and slap your pretty face! We spent hours with the stylists and now you are saying you are not going,” she yelled, angry. Before (Y/N) could reply, the door opened and Natasha, followed by Wanda, stepped in. Of course, she would get in. Wanda had special abilities.

Both of the women saw their friend sitting on the bed in that dress and they had to smile – she was gorgeous. “Oh, (Y/N) you look amazing,” Wanda covered her mouth, her eyes never leaving her friend’s body. “Have you seen you? You look absolutely gorgeous! I’ve never seen you in something like this before! I thought you look fantastic with the makeup and hair but this? Oh, I’m jealous.”

"You heard her!” Natasha nodded. “Now stand up, we are going to the party, bitch.”

There was no time for protests. The girls grabbed her by forearms and dragged her away from the room. They didn’t listen to her whining. It was their duty to take her up where the party was and enjoy some quality time together. “(Y/N), you should see Barnes! He looks good in the formal clothing and he’s wearing a red bow! You are going to die from how adorable he looks.”

“Yes! He’s so adorable and I’ve noticed he’s looking for you,” Natasha continued as the three of them stepped inside an elevator. “Dude, you two should do something about the whole looking and smiling and other lovely stuff you do. We all can see you want each other!”

"Bucky doesn’t like me that way,” (Y/N) rolled her (e/c) eyes and sighed. “I’ve seen how he was talking to that agent that came in here with Fury two weeks ago. He was smiling and happily talking – he never looked at me like that. She had big boobs, bigger than yours, Nat,” she pointed at her deep neckline of the red dress that was hugging her curvy, beautiful figure. “I’ve promised to help with something and after it’s done, I’m leaving back to my room – that is my final word.”

When they finally came, there were a lot of people wearing formal vintage clothes. Most of the women put on dresses. (Y/N) held her breath and looked around. She noticed some of the unknown faces were looking at her, eyes checking her from head to toes. The stylists did an amazing job – that was true. She had her hair curled and pinned in an old-fashioned style. The makeup was a pure perfection and the dress was indescribable – like she just came from 1940’s

��(Y/N), come!” Natasha called her name. “Steve and Bucky are…” she stopped talking when she saw her leave, heading to the stage where the band was ready to play. Right then, she realized what her mission was. Tony finally made her sing in front of an audience. With a smirk, she approached the men at the bar. Wanda was already gone, having some private time with Vision.

The redhead smiled at the boys who were talking, holding a glass of whiskey in their hands. “You look very handsome,” she winked at them and asked for a glass of martini. “How are you enjoying the party?” she put the olive into her mouth and ate it.

“Just like the old times,” Steve smiled, his eyes falling on her dress. “There is nothing better to feel once again normal. You look very good, Nat,” he gave her an honest compliment.

Bucky was quiet, eyes focused on the entrance door, waiting for (Y/N)’s arrival. He didn’t notice her coming in with the girls and now he was waiting and waiting. He saw her in a dress many times but not in this kind of dress. He wondered how she would look. Would she be wearing something red, tight or navy blue and puffy?

The first tones of a song started to play. It was a bass followed by finger snapping. Everyone looked at the stage where the band was. Bucky took a sip of his drink and turned, only to be surprised by what he saw. (Y/N) was standing on the stage, gently swinging her hips from side to side. She was wearing a beautiful black dress just like girls used to back in the day. Everything on her screamed of beauty – she was beautiful. He stopped breathing, not daring to look away. When she opened her mouth and started to sing, his heart skipped a beat. He was mesmerized, her voice was amazing.

The song she was singing wasn’t from his time even when it sounded like that. It was a modern one that was remade into more 1940’s style. He didn’t know she could sing like this. She had a strong voice that was perfect for these kinds of songs. Some of the people were already slow-dancing in front of the stage. If only he could dance with her right now.

“Wow,” Sam whispered into Bucky’s ear. “This is an unexpected twist.”

“Shut up!” he shushed him, enjoying the show.

The song ended with a loud applause. (Y/N) smiled at the people who enjoyed it. Her eyes scanned the surroundings. She found Tony sitting on a sofa with Pepper, looking at her and smiling. Somewhere in the crowd, her eyes found Wanda and Vision trying to dance together. While the next song started, she discovered most of the group near the bar. They were sipping their drinks, occasionally talking but they had their eyes only on her. And then there was Bucky, standing like a statue, blue eyes glued on her with a gentle smile on the lips. He did look great but the most attractive thing about him was that smile.

While she was singing the second song that wasn’t as slow as the first, she was still looking at the team that was near the bar. Steve took Natasha’s hand and dragged her on the dance floor where he showed her some of the old moves he still got. They danced like never before. If only they knew they were dancing to Britney Spears. Probably, they didn’t even notice it.

The third song she started to sing was way slower than the first two. All the people started to romantically slow dance. (Y/N) felt every word she sang, giving her soul into it. Her hands were gently cruising up and down on the vintage microphone. She closed her eyes for only a few seconds, enjoying the sound and words. When she opened them, Bucky was standing closer to the stage, sipping the drink. He was impressed how high she could sing and how her voice could change from soft to rough only to emphasize some words, adding more drama. It was then when he realized what she was singing about.

“I wish I was special, you're so very special but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo…”

He wanted to run up to her, grab her by the waist and kiss the living daylights out of her. When she sang those words, (Y/N) was looking into his blue eyes. She knew why she picked the song for this night.

Three songs were enough for now. “Thank you,” said the woman in the black dress after the song ended, quickly scratching her nape. Bucky was still standing near the stage, looking at her with a smile, clapping. When she reached the three stairs, he set his metal hand only to help her go down. Before they could leave the crowd of people, the next song started – a cover for Nothing Else Matters by another singer that was there to take turns with (Y/N). The brunet looked at the girl and with a smile; he carefully took her by the waist.

“Dance with me,” he said it easily. His metal hand found her right one. He didn’t wait for her response because the way she smiled at him was the answer he needed.

Slowly swaying from side to side, they danced through the whole song. (Y/N) rested her head on his shoulder. She was pressed against his chest. Luckily, she wore high heels so the high difference was smaller than usually. Both of them forgot about the people around them, about the team that was pointing at them and giggling like children. Even another song started. They just danced.

“You look beautiful,” Bucky found the courage to whisper into her ear. “You-are-breathtaking,” was another sentence that made him shiver and she felt it. (Y/N) blushed and bit her lower lip. When he looked at her, he was ready to kiss her. “I didn’t know you can sing like this. You are full of surprises tonight.”

Pushing herself from him only to look into his eyes, (Y/N) smiled at the man, mouthing thank you to him. Just as the chorus started, he leaned closer, capturing her lips in their first kiss. He kept her close to his body, hand never leaving her waist. The metal one cupped her cheek until the kiss broke. The woman looked into his eyes, not believing what just happened. “You like me?” she whispered, scared it was all just a dream.

“A lot,” he mumbled, lips gently brushing against her. “Do you like me?” he asked, smirking.

“Yes, James, I like you too,” she nuzzled her nose to his, their foreheads resting against each other. Now, she had to be on her tiptoes and he had his head lowered down. The world stopped existing and there were only the two of them, enjoying the moment. They were still swaying on the song that was slowly coming to its end.

“Come,” he grabbed her by the hand and slowly dragged her away from the people, heading to the balcony. Every move he did, it was careful, gentle like he didn’t want to break her. After all, she looked like a real doll tonight.

Natasha and Steve were the first ones who saw them leaving the room. They noticed his hand holding (Y/N)’s. They both smiled. Finally, something was happening between them and they were glad. They both deserved happy lives filled with love.

While the party continued inside, the new couple stood outside, enjoying the view. It was a summer night and the air was warm and pleasant. Bucky’s flesh hand was around her waist, keeping her as close as possible. “How long?” he asked, not looking down at her. “Because I fell for you the moment we started to talk to each other.”

“I knew something was happening with me when we met for the first time,” she started to answer his question. “I felt something from day one. I admitted it the night we were alone in the living room, watching the horror movie Tony made us watch.”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “You were curled by my side like a scared kitten, hiding your face from the screen. I had to take you back to your room because you were way too scared,” he leant to her head and kissed it, quickly inhaling the sweet scent of them – a strawberry shampoo, as always.

“I hate horror movies,” she shivered but smiled when she felt his lips. “James? To be honest, I didn’t think you wanted me. Not long ago, I saw you flirting with an agent that Fury brought to the tower.”

“Oh, honey,” he hugged her tightly. “I didn’t flirt with her. She wasn’t my type and my heart already belonged to you, even when nothing happened between us back then” and he kissed the tip of her nose.

“I’m so glad!” she squeaked

“Would you go on a date with me?” Bucky looked into (Y/N)’s face, smiling like she never saw him before. He was happy and it could be seen in his eyes. The blue colour was radiating, making them shine. “I want to spend the whole day with you, (Y/N). I’ll take you out for breakfast. After it, we’ll go to the central park and enjoy the New York City. I know a perfect spot for lunch and before late dinner, we can go to the cinema or a museum or anything you like,” he suggested. “Name it and you have it.”

“I would love to go on a date with you, James,” she nodded and quickly kissed him to seal the deal. His hands were hugging her tightly and the kiss deepened. It was all tongue and silent moans. They needed to explore their mouths; the tongues had a little battle where no one was the winner. It was filled with love that was missing.

One vintage party finally brought them together.

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[fortheloveofdarkness]

Week 10 - 10.1 My hair experience

One of the things I take care the most about my body is my hear. I’ve always had long hear and since I was a kid my mother also took a lot of care of it by combing it everyday and using a good shampoo.

However, when I was 15 the wish of dyeing my hear appeared. First, I wanted to dye it black but when I asked my mom for permission, of course she said no. So, I had to wait until I reached 18 and I started to save money to buy the dye. By that time, I had a friend who was studying in a beauty academy, so she took me there and a nice woman dyed my hear for free. I didn’t ask my mom for permission and when she saw me converted on a red-head she didn’t say anything, she made a bad face but at least there wasn’t any problem.

The real problems started like 1 month ago when the dye was losing its color and I started to have the famous roots and guess what! I had no money at all! I was forced to stop eating sometimes so I could save money and buy more dye to color my hair again and again. With time, the color faded, and it became into a horrible red-coffee, so I had to dye it black which literally lasted like 2 weeks. Every time I washed my hair, all the dye went to the bathroom’s trap.

After that, I went with a hairdresser that was friends with my mom, and I asked her to dye my hair dark coppery and I showed her a picture as an example. When she finished and dried my hair, I just wanted to die: only the roots where totally orange and the rest of my hair was like coppery-coffee. I was super mad, but I didn’t say anything just because she was my mom’s friend but anyway she fixed my hair 3 days later. 3 days in which I had to go to my job with my hair looking like a lightbulb. After that, she dyed my hair with a beautiful wine color but also lasted like 2 weeks. So, my hair got very damaged and stained for the amount of paint and the different colors. That’s why I decided to not to dye my hair for 1 year until January of this year that I went red again.

So, as usual, I would like to give you some tips in case you want to dye your hair.

1.       Don’t dye your hair: seriously. You’ll become a slave of your hair and you need a lot of money to maintain it. So, please don’t do it.

2.       Be sure about the color: if you still want to do it, make sure the color you’re going to wear fits your skin tone and is easy to maintain since there are colors that are created by mixing a lot of them. Think very well about this because once you had your hair dyed, there’s nothing you can do.

3.       Be sure you have the money: when you dye your hair, you must take care a lot of it and for that, you’ll need money. Buy a good shampoo and a hair conditioner (I’ll always recommend the L’Oreal products) and also get a good hair treatment to avoid your hair getting too dry and dull. Another thing you’ll also need is a treatment called “shampoo hair coloring”. Yes, be sure you have money.

4.       Take care of it: don’t wash it very often or you’ll lose all your color in 1 week. Wash it at least every 8 days and always use the shampoo, hair conditioner and the treatment. For avoiding a bad smell for having 8 days without washing it, you can use dry shampoo (I recommend the Marcel-France shampoo). Use the coloring treatment every 15 days. This is a kind of dye that is ready to use, and it will help you to keep the color shade. Avoid using the iron but if you’re going to use it, always apply a good thermal protector.

This is what I’ve done these months and it has helped me a lot to keep my hair healthy and with a nice red tone. Maybe in the future I will change the color and I hope I can dye my hair with a dark blue color. I hope this help you in case you’re thinking of dyeing your hair but please, don’t do it.

[ah17hh]

how to NOT do poly via /r/polyamory

how to NOT do poly

This is very long. My dysfunctional entrance into polyamory was a huge learning experience for me.

Summer of 2017, my marriage was crumbling. I was in denial about it, way too optimistic, and took full responsibility for my marriage alone. At the same time, one by one, my close girlfriends were all ravenously hitting on me. My underwear was soaked and busting at the seams but I went home to a dead bedroom. My therapist simply asked me when I was going to finally come out of the closet. I didn't realize I was in a closet, but when he asked me, something just clicked.

I wanted to take my newly out-of-the-closet self for a guilt free ride on the pussy highway. With my husband's consent to fuck around, I set up a Tinder account and swiped my tits off. A much younger lesbian was one of my many matches. We chatted, texted, made plans that I canceled a few times. She texted me pictures of her family, personal things. I just wanted sex so I didn't share anything personal back. She told me she just wanted sex too, but still sent me very personal things. After a few weeks, she downright demanded to meet me. I caved. She was really pretty and persistent is an understatement. My other matches would stop trying after a while, but she would not give up. I was scared to meet people. I was scared of rejection. I wasn’t happy with my weight at the time, and she was much younger, thin, and very out.

“Meet me Saturday night. My sister and my best friend will be out with me too.” It was my last chance, she told me later this was the last time she was going to push me to come out and see her. I walked up to the sidewalk and there she was talking to my friend, smoking a cigarette and decked out in young woman accessories, something I never quite understood how to accomplish. “Oh you smoke?” “Not anymore,” she thought. She put out her cigarette. We went into the bar. “Am I fatter in person?” I genuinely wanted to know.

The bar was getting packed. Someone tried to squeeze by my fat ass, so she pulled me toward her, her arm around the small of my back. Gay sparks flew off the charts. We danced until we couldn’t breathe and were covered with sweat. Shoes flew everywhere. I’m not exaggerating. We all had the fucking time of our lives together and it felt like I had found one of us out there when I thought my Squad Goals had already been fulfilled. “Come home with me.” She did. She ate me out on my couch and I came when her tongue and mouth weren’t even touching me. I came that easily and that hard on top of all the whiskey. She faked it, but years of vibrators had killed her clit. In my drunken haze and post-orgasm exhaustion, at 4:00 in the morning, I said, "Stay and spoon with me.” She did. I’d never cuddled with a woman before. It felt like magic. I’m not talking about the kind of magic that you see walking down a tourist area and a fat wrinkled magician wants to show you how to make a card appear in your pocket. I’m talking about the kind of magic people invented religion to explain. I’m talking about the kind of magic that Kelly Clarkson co-writes songs about. I’m talking about the kind of magic only two pussies can create together. It’s super gay and I see now why it’s illegal in some places. Just too fucking good.

My husband woke up two hours after we had fallen asleep to find us spooning on the couch. He stormed out incredibly angry. I was panicking. She was lingering in my apartment, just lounging in her underwear completely oblivious, and way too comfortable. I craved touch so much, I couldn't resist her, I never cleared it with my husband about anyone spending the night. While still in her underwear, trying desperately to look enticing and sexy, she told me her credit score was 750. I was extremely worried about my husband and very uncomfortable at how comfortable she was. My body had alarms going off everywhere but I just calmly dealt with her and told her I had to go about my day. I didn’t know why she was telling me her credit score. I don’t care about anyone’s credit score, except my own after it started out in a dumpster fire during my first marriage to a complete maniac. I told her I had to get on with my day. She left without showering to go to the pride parade with another partnered woman, and I went about my day.

Now I see how vulnerable I was and what a chameleon she was. She was changing herself on the first date to fit in with my family, she quit smoking, she presented herself as this put together sexpot. My marriage was on thin ice and my relationship with myself was lackluster to say the least. I was the perfect target for a narcissist.

She love-bombed me, my sister, and my best friend with accurate precision. She learned my weaknesses almost instantly and told me everything I had been wanting to hear my whole life - that I am attractive, talented, special. She validated me, paid me attention, and took on my identity. She started going to my hairdresser, went blonde when I went blonde, moved to my neighborhood from an hour away, got a job near my job, commuted to work with me, and threw herself at me sexually constantly. I could not resist the sex, I could not resist the attention. 11 years combined with distant men, and here is this gorgeous woman giving me everything. She learned how to make my sister laugh, and flirted heavily with my best friend who hasn't had a relationship in years.

I was enamored by her, she became irresistible to me, and I ignored how uncomfortable I was with her total lack of boundaries. I made excuses for her, that she was young and could grow out of it. I was terrified of my feelings. What does this mean for my marriage? This relationship I was getting completely swept away with woke my husband the fuck up. "Let's go to the sex toy store!" "Let's take a trip!" His fear of losing me made him snap out of taking me for granted. I was getting all the attention and validation from him. Our sex life took a drastic turn.

While I was falling in love with this woman and rekindling with my husband, I resisted her very much. I was scared to lose my marriage. I would tell her I couldn't be with her. It just made her pursue me harder, love-bomb me more. Finally, eight months into my relationship with her, we stayed at a hotel and slept through the night together for the first time. When I woke up and texted my husband good morning, I realized the world was still there. I felt more secure, like maybe this could be a thing. Maybe we can have two separate relationships after all.

She pushed and pushed and demanded that I stay the night with her more and more. She demanded I come out of the closet to my parents, my husband's mom, at work, and to my daughter. I did. I wasn't ready but I did. I was met with open arms and joy. I felt so much pressure from her no matter how much I told her I needed more time, she coldly demanded. Ultimately I am glad I am out now, but I wish I hadn't done it under such duress. But, I was already hooked and scared to lose her. She dangled leaving me constantly. I couldn't lose her, she brought so much excitement to my life. She brought so much energy to my sluggish existence. I am a very outgoing person by nature, but had turned into a couch potato. Being with this charming woman turned my city into a red carpet. All of my friends were ecstatic for me, my daughter could tell how incredibly happy I was.

I gave into the pressure. I started staying over at her place once or twice a week. She stayed by me a lot. When she stayed by me, I was not allowed to have sex with my husband. Sometimes she would stay five days at a time. I wanted to avoid her harshness, her mean coldness, her tantrums, and my husband didn't want to rock the boat either so we complied. I was growing very resentful of her controlling nature. I expressed my unhappiness but it fell on deaf ears and she would just throw herself at me or love-bomb me until I forgot temporarily.

A year and a half in, she disappeared emotionally. I didn't know what was going on at all. A mutual friend was a contestant on Rupaul's Drag Race, and while watching his instagram live video, I saw her in the front row with her hand on another woman's leg. This person I changed my entire life around to be with met someone else. And I found out in the most horrific way. She told me she had to meet someone because I wasn't nice to her anymore. I blamed myself for her cheating. I was so confused. Was it my fault? Why don't I like being around her yet I am terrified to lose her?

Looking back, I didn't even realize how mean and rotten she had gotten. All the charm she used in the beginning was gone, and our time together was tense and moody. All she could see was that I wasn't nice and she wanted attention so she met someone else. It happened so slowly, her charm running out, I didn't even notice. It's like she trained me to accept crumbs and abuse. My whole life trained me. Still, our sexual connection, and the rare fun moments kept us together.

Desperate to get that charming one back, I lavished her in gifts and trips. She'd always play that Bhad Bhabie song Gucci Flip Flops. I got her Gucci flip flops for Christmas. I just wanted that nice one back. She'd give me crumbs and I'd hang on every word. I was scared if I lost her, my husband would go distant, and I'd be alone with no one. I didn't want to lose either of them.

I finally told her that her negativity is impossible to be around. I finally told her I am not driving 100% of the time or paying for 100% of everything. I was sick of blowing up at her after she would bait me while having to foot the bill and do all the heavy lifting. She would post pictures on instagram to make me insecure and jealous. I would freak out at her. She loved it when I got mad. It was such a sick game.

I hated this angry person I had become. I told her I don't owe her my niceness just because we are technically together and if her answer is to cheat on me she can fucking leave. I begged her to stop baiting me and stop pushing my buttons. She actually heard me. She changed overnight, I think she wanted to do anything to get my love and attention. For a week she was pleasant, nice, she showered regularly. I couldn't keep my hands off of her. When she was positive and nice, my entire world was shining in the sun. A week later, she left without a word.

Eight days after she left me, we matched on Tinder. I got drunk at my sister's birthday party, and asked her to meet me for coffee. She asked if we could have lunch. She sat next to me at the table. I had no appetite so I didn't eat. She told me she was unhappy with the inequality, that I cared more about my husband from her perspective. I just listened and felt nothing. A week or two later she texted me and asked if me and my sister wanted to go out. My sister was done with her but I told her I could meet her. We had a drink. She looked absolutely haggard. We went to karaoke and she sang one of my all time favorite songs with more heart than I'd ever heard her sing before. It was 3am and I told her I had to go. We didn't kiss or touch at all at any of these meetings. She texted me when we were both in our ubers and asked me to come cuddle. I told her I couldn't. I asked her if she could come over next week. She said yes. In the light of day, she said she couldn't come by anymore.

Then she changed her number and I never heard from her again. She gave her number to my sister, so I put it in my phone and blocked it.

It's been two and a half months since the discard. I have been picking up the pieces, and seeing why I got so swept in this. Underneath all the dysfunction, I do believe the two of us did love each other at one point. I think her narcissism and my codependency were a match made in hell.

My husband and I are doing better than we ever have. We are on the same page for the first time about chores, finances, and we have sex every day. We talk about everything. We talk about poly, boundaries, how it should have gone, what we learned, and what we want in the future.

I know now I am extremely co-dependent. I am easily taken for granted because of this. I am a narcissist magnet. I am generous and I feel solely responsible for other peoples' lives, feelings, and my relationships. I have so much inner healing to do to feel whole and to get validation from within.

I met another woman and we are very slowly getting to know each other. She is independent, kind, ambitious, and I am not letting myself get too attached. I want to meet more people and decide who is best for me. I don't want to "test" people, but I am going to pay close attention to how people respond to boundaries and my needs. Already I am noticing such a stark difference with how narcissists react!

I fly to Miami tomorrow to tag along at this new woman's work conference. We are going out Saturday night, hanging at the beach Sunday, and I am spending Monday by myself in Miami. I haven't had sex with her yet because I am being cautious. I am using the trip to get away from the mess, be in the sunshine (it just snowed by me), and to have spontaneous fun. I do not want to jump into a serious thing at all, and she seems the same. She's never had a girlfriend and wants to take it slow too. My therapist helped me frame this by saying it's have sex and not get too attached right away. He said you can meet 10 people and having sex is how you get to know them and you may like 1 or 2. He said to frame the weekend as a "get to know you" trip and not to ask a million questions or divulge a million things, but you can get to know someone just by the way they are.

I have a good hold on myself after this learning experience and I am not going to let someone hurt me like that again. I don't know I've been grieving, healing, and reading a lot (and watching youtube videos) about narcissists and co-dependency. We are both textbook.

All in all though, we both amazingly left each other better than when we met. Her love-bombing and validation showed me how good I am and that I am attractive. I switched careers, lost weight, came out of my shell finally, and see that I am worthy of attention. My adoration showed her she is lovable and deserves unconditional love and a good life. She tripled her income, and grew up. I taught her the practical things of life and how to live in the city. I showed her acceptance and what family can be and I hope one day she does have one of her own. She showed me I am hot, interesting, funny, charming, generous and I deserve someone who is the same.

So now, I'm out as bi and poly to everyone in my life and at work. I can take my sweet time finding the right partner(s) for me. I can and will say no when I am uncomfortable. I am going to work on healing this codependency in me. I am never ignoring red flags again. I am loving myself the way I am while growing to be the best me possible. I am happy being out as bi and having a woman in my life, it makes me feel complete. But I am not going to pay for that happiness by giving too much of myself ever again.

Submitted November 01, 2019 at 08:18AM by shinebrightlike via reddit https://ift.tt/2C1CGvd

[isitkillingyoulikeitskillingmee]

03/10/19

Dear Taylor,

I hope you had a good weekend! It’s been pretty quiet here. Some of my plans got canceled because of yet another snow storm (hopefully the last one considering we are now in March).

I was looking forward to get breakfast with my best friend. She lives two hours away from me so we try to meet halfway at least once a month. She just got a sweet little girl, and wait for it… she named her Ariel (she’s named after the little mermaid). We are clearly not at the same place in life (like not at all), but I really enjoy it because she can give me objective feedback. She always sees the situation from far so she’s able to give me advice based on facts and not emotions.

We did reschedule for next week, so at least I won’t have to wait too long before I see her.

It’s also a good thing because I got a haircut on Friday and I hate it. I still need some time to accept it so not having to show anyone important while I’m still not confident about it is welcomed. I’ve always had long hair (very very long hair). Last year, there was kind of a time when everyone got they hair cut short and I felt like I needed a change so I had them cut short (well short for me). They were just under my shoulders and I really liked it. It’s quite easier to managed as well.

Since then, I get the tips cut every four months or so. I was due to go this month so I took an appointment during my week off school. My hair was starting to get long again so I told the hairdresser I wanted to cut more than just the tip. I told her I would like them right ON my shoulders, reaching my collarbone.

It was my first experience with this lady as my old hairdresser changed salon (in another city). Usually, the hairdresser cuts a little and then asks if you it’s fine or if you want them a little shorter. Well this lady didn’t ask me anything. She made me bend my head and she just cut it super short. When I got to lift my head up, it was too late. My hair is now way above my shoulder.

I’m not used to having my hair so short. My hair is an asset of me that gives me confidence, but know I feel like it’s very ugly and I don’t think it a look that fits me well. Everyone that saw it, said it looked really nice and that it makes me look professional. I guess I just need time to get used to it. Fortunately, my hair grow incredibly fast, so it should be much better in just a few weeks.

I also went to the movies last night. I saw the movie Greta. It’s the kind of movie I like to watch: there’s a little bit of suspense and there’s a bit of a psychological twist. I would recommend for sure if you like those types of intrigue.

Other than that, I’ve been doing a lot of school work in order to get ahead. I’m leaving for New-York in less than two weeks and when I get back, the semester’s almost going to be over. I have done a lot so I feel confident I will be able to leave without thinking about school.

I even had time to start reading a book I actually chose (not for school and not for therapy). The book is Becoming by Michelle Obama. You must’ve heard about it. I think she’s an inspiring woman that we all have something to learn from (well, a lot like you actually). I plan on going to see her when she comes in Canada in May. She has a speaking in Montreal, a few hours form where I live. I only read a few chapters, but it’s already interesting!

And best thing of the weekend: I just baked a chocolate cake. It looks delicious and I can’t wait to have a piece after dinner (yummy).

Can’t wait to hear about you this week wether it’s on Instagram, Tumblr or at the iHearts awards. Must be a big week for you! I hope you have an amazing time.

Love,

Anne

@taylorswift @taylornation

[drashleighreid]

If you have the time, do all you haven’t done!

omfg! haha okay holy shit

Alisons: Sexuality?

lesbonym

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

She/her

Amaryllis: birthday?

nov 4th! 

Anemone: Favorite flower?

sunflowers and port wine magnolias for their scent and peonies! 

Angelonia: Favorite tv show?

id say favorite of recent would be big little lies 

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

i don’t know i guess it depends on the situation. i find myself agreeing to do things for strangers for some reason like one time i took an acting workshop and i literally drove three people home afterwards even though they didnt live anywhere near me and i didnt know them at all lkjsf

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

i dont drink much else but water usually lol. i like cold brew coffee and iced tea too. and lemon ginger tea. alcohol-wise i love gin and tonics, red wine, and old-fashioneds 

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

no but i said that the time before too LMAO 

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love? 

im not sure. i’ve felt really strong feelings for people in the past but i don’t think it’s ever been mutual so i guess not 

Baneberries: Favorite song? 

god i don’t know if i can do a favorite of all time. i recently played this video game Submerged and it was a really cleansing and wholesome time and I’ve been listening to the orchestral score of that a lot since. any lana del rey song, get free - major lazer hits me in my toner tbh, the jazz standard stardust - there are so many versions i adore idk its too hard to pick ill just end up listing my whole spotify soon i dont really have all time favorites i just go thru waves Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

my mum runs a childcare business, my nan works at a post office, my brother is an IT guy my sister in law is a hairdresser and i have two young nieces who are in 1st and 2nd grade. they all live in my hometown which is kinda far from me. my dad passed away a few years ago but he owned a flower farm. my parents separated when i was in 2nd grade but i spent every holidays with my dad. i have looooooots of cousins lol 

Beebalm: do you have a best friend? Who is it?

i dont really do the hierarchy thing ! but i have a few. my friends jess and rach from here are my fave people ever and literally make me cry with laughter when we all hang out and my friend meg who i’ve known since 8th grade is my vegan salad club soul sister and i love her to death 

Bellflower: favorite animal

dogs and toucans ! lov birbs 

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night! 

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

that i dont understand how i didnt get the maternal gene when my mum literally looks after children for a living slkjsdf. im not opposed to having one someday but not for a while and i think id honestly be content either way 

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

small spaces/being trapped which i dont know? ive just always had some level of claustrophobia i dont know where it came from 

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

probably stressed LMAO. idk hanging out with loved ones eating good food trying to do a bunch of things i’ve always wanted to do

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

in a committed relationship with a body pillow and my vibrator 

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

when i can speak openly and be vulnerable comfortably. when people tell me they care about me and value my presence 

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

2x each ear and one cartilage 

California Poppy: Height?

5′6

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

yes

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

a cute grey nightgown lol *+*

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

im sure i did when i was younger but now light kind of bothers me when im trying to sleep

Chrysanthemum: who was the last person you kissed?

my friend when we were drunk

Cock’s Comb: favorite font?

i dont think i really have one lol

Columbine: Are you tired?

im kinda like comfy sleepy. its pouring rain and a cool breeze is coming through my window and im really cozy so its just like. nice. 

Coneflower: Dream job?

scriptwriter/director 

Crane’s-bill: Introvert or extrovert?

im an introvert

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

im fiercely loyal to those i love. 

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

scorpio babeeeeey

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

hmm. in what scheme lol. of the world? probably not yet but we’re working on it.

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

idk if its an accomplishment but my travels are probably the highlight of my life to me. im kind of always fearless when i travel lol and i love that for me 

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

i dont know. i like to think im good at talking people through things and being empathetic and giving advice. i try my best to be there for people 

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

letting things go. not bottling things up. 

Freesia: what are three good things that have happened in the past month?

i finished school for the semester ! i started a painting! i saw two cool theatre shows. 

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

actually pretty good!

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

not really but i’m starting to see the potential in the future a lot more. i tend to get really stuck and struggle to see beyond my current situation but i’m trying to look forward and realise that things are going to get a lot better with time 

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

direct a short film i’m happy with, write more, travel overseas, cultivate a close group of friends here, go back to singing lessons.

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

watching youtube videos ! jenna and julien and remi cruz are my favorites they just make me feel so positive. listening to podcasts especially my dad wrote a porno because even if im in the worst mood ill literally be sobbing with laughter. listening to music and playing mindless games on my phone! watching movies and tv shows. getting out of the house and going to a cafe/wandering around the mall. going to the movie theatre. reading ! 

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

i use my words a lot of the time. if i really care about someone i’ll talk to them and be there for them.

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

im proud of my strength and my unwavering knowledge of what i deserve. im proud of my friends and my family and everyone in my life.

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day?

waking up and taking a dog for a walk having coffee and brunch with a close friend doing something fun like rock climbing or ice skating or going on a hike then going to see a show and going home to watch movies or play video games or play card games 

Hyacinth: what do you like to do in your free time?

read, watch movies, exercise, talk to friends, write

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Jess and Rach i met on here like ??? i cant remember when ?? 2012 ?? 2011? then we finally met in person in 2015 and now i swear i see them more often than i see friends i live in the same place as. my best friend from high school i met in 8th grade so 2007?? 

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

my best friends. my sister in law. 

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

idk its kinda weird to count lol 

 Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

hmm. this random lady in a mall once told me i can pull off red lipstick better than anyone shes ever seen before shhhhwooooosh. some of the things people have said about my fics literally makes me want to cry. one of my professors last year wrote a really lovely recommendation letter for me and told me i was fucking awesome and was going to do great things. 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

She’s Trying. idk i struggle sometimes but at my core im proud of myself and i know my worth 

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

My resilience and passion and empathy.

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

that i lose sight of what i want and how to get it. that i shut people out and am sometimes so scarily independent that it tips and turns me lonely. 

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

visit my nans on the weekend and play video games. go to the beach. read !!! write. 

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

my best friend had the same name as me and we’d play bratz and she had a pool so it was lit now she lives a few houses down from where my mum lives and has a child and we havent really spoken since like 9th grade lol slfj 

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

not making it back in time for my dads funeral

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

a lot of the time im self assured enough to not feel guilt over things i know aren’t my fault or situations where im not in the wrong. i never want people to be unhappy or struggle even if they probably dont deserve my sympathy though so i get mixed feelings there. 

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it?

i grew up on a coastal beach town. a small sleepy lil bay. it’s super pretty and idyllic and gorgeous but living there grew a bit monotonous tbh im not a small town person. visiting is lovely though. my nan literally lived basically on the beach when i was growing up youd just like roll down a hill and be on the sand. i loved it so much

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had a few different ones. i usually had purple walls ! and id decorate it with random things i was interested in and had books everywhere

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

i mean not a whole lot LOL high school kinda sucked. i did really well at school and i had some good friends! it wasnt the worst but i was also a closeted gay and didnt know who tf i was so there was some struggles around that. 

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom?

shes generous and selfless and kind. she’s had a bit of a rough life but she’s strong. 

Onions: Tell about your dad

i love that this q is ‘onions’ mood. our relationship was ,,, turbulent. i have some really great memories with him and visiting was honestly good a lot of the time when i was growing up! we’d play pool and id help them with the flowers and we’d go out boating and swimming and bowling and do lots of fun stuff but he was also an alcoholic and gradually got worse as i got older and he was really intimidating and could be really hot and cold and had really unrealistic expectations. 

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents

 i was really close with my grandmother on my dads side she gave me my passion for reading and writing !! when i was really young i would sit in her lap and she would read me stories and then when i got older i started reading the stories to her we were super close she passed away when i was in 6th grade and it was really sad i loved her. my grandpa on my mums side taught me how to play pool !! he used to run the pool club where i’d compete and he was just a nice guy he passed away a few years ago. and my nan on my mums side is an icon i love hanging out with her i grew up spending almost every weekend at her house playing video games she always has all the newest consoles and video games for all of her grandchildren lol we go for walks on the beach and shes awesome one time she came to pick me up from school blasting low by flo rida we stan 

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

hmm my 16th maybe ! that was when i was in the US and i remember having cheer practice and my host mom brought cake in and it was just really nice. idk why my 10th birthday is so memorable to me but i had a lit bday party and i remember so much about it lol? 

Peony: What was your first job?

i was a barista! 

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

i dont know if i have an idea on how i hope to meet my future partner its not something i plan or have a preference for. ive met most of my closest friends online and w being gay *+* lol itll prob be through online im guessing. 

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

physically? poorly LOL im such a baby if im in pain in any way. 

Pink: where is home? 

idk. i dont know if i have one just yet tbh. we’ll find it ! 

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, whats is one thing you would stop/change?

hmm i try to live without ragrets. there are a few situations id like to go into either wiser or not at all though if im being hoe nest. 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

hmm. there are a few actresses/celebs i look up to ! all these qs are turning my brain into goo LMAO i cant think

Rhododendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

i heard once that someone related to my great grandfather had some kind of connection to french royalty ?? idk how true that was but i was waiting for my princess diaries moment for a while there 

Ricinus: who’s the most important in your life?

me bitch

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

rain/thunder 

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

to read fic until im too sleepy to keep my eyes open then drift off *+* 

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

depends on the situation. i wouldn’t say easy but i can speak and explain myself well because I spend soo much time thinking about things lol

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

my mum 

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

like 9 hrs lol 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

coffee

Touch-me-not: how do you feel about your current job?

that i need one

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

black jeans 

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

this and that. packing to go away

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? what were they called?

lol none really. i read a few at the beginning of the year but nothing lately. ive read innumerable fic tho does that count

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

happier ! growing ! loved. i want to feel accomplished with what i created during the school year, fulfilled. surrounded by people with pure intentions. hopefully just overseas somewhere 

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

whY is this a question ???????????????????

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself

i used to be a fitness instructor 

okay that was a lot more questions than i thought it was LMAO fuck

thank you for the entertainment that was fun ! xx 

[i-am-very-very-tired]

Faith says:APRIL 2, 2016 AT 5:57 PM

I also tried to go the natural route… this is my second year now, but my hair was honestly healthiest when I used to relax it. Now my natural hair just sheds so much and is super dit. regardless of what I do to it. My mind is made as I take off my braids in relaxing it. And shall be proudly rocking it.

Abigail Mai. says:APRIL 1, 2016 AT 11:21 AM

I know this post its old but I feel like I need to post a comment lol. I’ve been natural for three years but things are getting out of hand now, I just can’t do this anymore. I’m glad I found this blog. I’m planning to relax my hair tomorrow and get a pixie cut. I’m so nervous. Nice post! Your hair is gorgeous!

I am at my 3 year mark as well and I’m fed up..smh when yu relaxed what relaxer did you use.

Lauren says:APRIL 7, 2016 AT 10:25 AM Tips & materials before you relax your hair at home Relax your hair at home, by yourself, the RIGHT way! Dr. Miracle’s Feel It Formula Thermalceutical Intensive No-Lye Relaxer (Regular Strength)

So how did it go? Reading these comments, I think I have made up my mind. After almost 10 yrs of being natural, I hate it. It takes me up to 3 hrs to straighten it and it still looks a hot mess and all I can do is pull it back. I was looking at my pictures from college and I loved the relaxed look. So much easier in my opinion and my hands and arms don’t feel like they are going to fall off. Any pointers? I’ll prob just go back to the olive oil relaxer.

Kiki says:MARCH 24, 2016 AT 11:54 PM

Natural isn’t for everyone! My hair broke in the center and both sides while shedding everywhere else. So I cut it down to where it broke, half of my shoulder length hair, to start all over again. I did one Aphogee treatment, then a week later, hit it with ORS relaxer, problem solved! A year and a few months later, my hair is back down on my shoulders. I’ll never go natural ever again! Moisturizing shampoos & conditioners are a must!

Molly

says:FEBRUARY 28, 2016 AT 6:10 PM

Hi! In 2010 my hair fell out, and I spent the next year-and-a-half in weaves. 18 months later I’m natural and my hair is at my shoulders. It was pretty when straight, but would not stay. It would not hold a style. So I get a relaxer, and my hair starts shedding badly. (The bad reactions were caused my coconut oil as it made my hair dry and brittle, but I just found that out a few months ago) then I get psoriasis from an autoimmune condition so bad my scalp bleeds. So for another two years I stop relaxers. My hair kept shedding and getting dryer( too much protien) finally I went back to relaxers but only to loosen the curl. Now my styles stay. I’m still shedding from a chronic illness and the protien, but my hair is bra band length. Yesterday I went to a new salon, doctors orders, and the stylist said my “natural hair” is so healthy! And that I should let it all go natural. Well, none of it is natural! My ends are just straight because of a bad beautician. I relax my hair every four or so months to loosen the tightness and I love this method. Even the white girls raved after the beautician finished styling it. My hair when straight looks exactly like brand new weave, and I missed that when natural. I mean I could get it just as silky but it wouldn’t stay.. So texlaxsing is my ne strategy.

Lauren says:APRIL 5, 2016 AT 10:45 AM I’m so glad you were able to find something that works for you , even with those challenges!

CAH says:FEBRUARY 8, 2016 AT 7:41 PM

I’ve been natural off and on for over 10 years. This weekend I just texlaxed my hair because I wanted versatility. I wanted to be able to straighten my hair without all the excessive heat used when pressing natural hair but I also wanted to have a little texture left so I can still do my wash n’ go’s. It’s sad that we have to justify how we choose to wear our hair.

Deva says:FEBRUARY 2, 2016 AT 11:13 AM

Thanks for this. I’ve never felt threatened with the thought of going natural. I’m texlaxed and have been my whole life. I can honestly say that although i enjoy the look of natural hair, I don’t have time for the maintenance. My relaxer has done me well and I’ll keep that chemical in my head for as long as I can.

Micah says:JANUARY 15, 2016 AT 9:13 AM

I have been free from the creamy crack for 8 years but today I’m so over it I was frustrated with my hair was about to make an appointment for my hairdresser and I’m just like I’m so tired of this and then I said wait what am I trying to prove I’m going to go get me a relaxer and that’s exactly what I’m going to do! MY QUESTION is what relaxer should I use???? since it’s been so long I don’t want my hair to fall out

SincerelyAlexisJ

says:JANUARY 13, 2016 AT 5:16 AM

Omg , I’m so upset that I just found this post . But I’m extremely happy at the same time ! This post and all the comments made me realize that it’s okay to keep my relaxed hair and not feel bad about it because everybody’s on this natural kick! I had THICK just above my shoulder length hair all my life(I’m 25 now). In August , I noticed my hair just wouldn’t get bone straight anymore when I relaxed it , went through 3 different perms and it just wouldn’t get straight. And because I have such thick and hard to manage hair, it would look like I still needed a perm. So I let my sister in law talk me into going natural(SMH!). The first two times she washed and flat ironed my hair(two weeks apart) , it looked nice . Then it kind of went down hill from there . My hair became SUPER thick , the thickest I had ever seen it before , I could not comb through it , it wouldn’t lay down , it was super dry no matter what I would put on it , etc . Then I noticed that when she would flat iron it , it started looking thinner and thinner.

Towards the ending of November I noticed the back of hair completely broke off ! My mom and I were so upset with what was going on with my hair so by the end of December , I decided to go back to my perms. I permed my hair for the first time since August on January 4th(last Thursday) and while I was in the shower A LOT of my hair was coming out in clumps. Not big clumps , but still they were noticeable clumps. After my protein treatment and deep conditioner , I blow dried my hair and saw that my hair had broken off in the middle of my head as well , not as bad as the back though. Also , when I was “natural” , when I would TRY to comb it , a lot of hair would be let left in the comb.

I’m very inclined to believe that all that heat that was being put on my hair caused a lot of damage, as well as it being soo dry. So I have to admit while I was natural that is when I noticed my hair started to fall out.

What do you think I should do to get it back healthy and growing again ? I’ve always had thick and dry hair and I’ve always done deep conditioners every week to retain the moisture , so I know that’s a given. But what else? Please help me , I’m miss my hair so much!

[touristguidebuzz]

Review: A Superior Room at the Four Seasons Hotel Ritz Lisbon

When I decided to stay at the swanky Four Seasons Hotel Ritz Lisbon, I didn’t realize that I was effectively prioritizing luxury accommodations with white-glove service over immersion in an authentic Portuguese setting. Sure, the hotel is just a 15-minute walk from the old town center, but it’s in a radically different neighborhood. And no one wants to walk back up the hill after they’ve spent the day navigating the narrow alleyways and cobblestone roads in high heat. So expect to take a lot of taxis.

In This Post

Booking

I arranged for a four-night stay using the concierge service that comes with my Citi Prestige card, which offers a fabulous fourth night free perk if you book directly. I booked a “Superior Room with one queen bed” for a total of $1,848.79. After subtracting the fourth-night rate ($462.19), the total came to $1,386.60, or $346.65 per night (and I earned 4,160 Citi ThankYou points). I paid for virtually everything else during my stay with my Chase Sapphire Reserve card since there were no foreign transaction fees and I earned 3x points on all my travel and dining purchases.

Note that Amex Platinum cardholders can also book this hotel through Amex Fine Hotels & Resorts, which gives you access to exclusive perks like guaranteed 4:00pm checkout, noon check-in and room upgrades (both are based on availability), daily breakfast for two, complimentary Wi-Fi and at this particular property, an 85 euro (~$90) credit toward spa services to use during your stay.

The room naming here is not intuitive. A “superior room,” for example, is actually the (relative) bottom of the barrel and gets you a 452-square-foot room with a view of the city (could be on floors 1 to 10) and a marble bathroom. One level up from this would be a “deluxe” (527-square-foot room on the 1st to 7th floor), while a “premier” gets you a room of 527-square feet on floors 8, 9 or 10. At the top is the presidential suite, with 2,655 square feet on the 10th floor. Translation: do your homework before you get on the phone so you know what you’re booking.

Check-In

The building’s façade has a kind of minimalist/brutalist appeal — it does not look fancy until you spot valets in top hats opening the doors. The entrance is located at the top of a hill (the Intercontinental Hotel is across the street). Cabs stand by at all hours to whisk passengers away to the Alfama or Belém neighborhoods. Palm trees and flowers line the street-side entrance.

The inside is unequivocally stunning. Exotic vines dangle from a skylight and barely brush the floor below, a real work of art and not something you see every day in a lobby. The reception desk usually has two people ready to help customers so I never had to wait to talk to someone.

The attendant who checked me in explained all the amenities — the pool, spa and gym, among others — and made it very clear that free breakfast did not come with the package/rates I paid. I hadn’t counted on the free meal, but honestly, I was slightly disappointed. A quick call to my Citi Prestige concierge confirmed that what I purchased did not guarantee any meals. Not a big deal — better to find out now and not after gorging on the buffet.

One reason I didn’t care so much was that I was told I’d be on the 10th floor — the top — which meant I’d have great views. So my wife and I hopped into the elevator to see what kind of experience we’d been granted. The hallways were extra wide, with potted orchids, which lends an air of elegance. No narrow corridors in this place.

The Room

It seemed to be a little on the small side when we entered, but there was a private terrace, a killer view of the nearby park and in the distance, the buildings and town squares of Old Lisbon.

There was also one problem: The room smelled bad. My wife was much more sensitive to this odor than I was; she described it as if someone had just sprayed insect killer and then tried to cover that smell up with some room deodorizer.

I suggested we open the terrace door (note white curtains above), leave for a few hours and come back and see if we still detected the smell. Sadly, the room was no better three hours later. We called the front desk and they said they would send housekeeping.

We waited a while and then heard a knock. The housekeeper had arrived but she didn’t seem to know what she was coming in for, so we had to explain it using gesticulations and facial expressions due to the language barrier. She agreed something was off and summoned the head of housekeeping, who could only communicate to us in French, since we don’t speak Portuguese and she didn’t speak English. She, too, admitted there was a smell — we were glad no one was denying it — but when I pointed at the carpet, she just shrugged.

Having hit a wall, I decided to step up my level of concern with a polite chat back down at reception. All I wanted was to move to a non-smelly room, or to know that we could move the following day, at the very least.

Management acted swiftly, saying this was no problem at all and immediately upgrading us to a deluxe room on the 5th floor. We went up to inspect the new room — praying that the smell was not an institutional problem — and found ourselves in a much better place.

The new room was more spacious and smelled of roses instead of Raid. The decor was more subtle — solid beige and blue, from the carpet to the curtains and from the chairs to the bed sheets to the lamp design.

The closet situation was much improved as well: we could access our clothes without having to walk into the entrance hallway, and there were two full-length mirrors behind the doors. Most important, we now had our own single-cup coffee machine.

Though located on a lower floor now (5), the view was virtually the same: We overlooked the park, a sea of trees and older districts of Lisbon in the distance toward the water. It was very quiet throughout our stay.

The terrace, though spartan, had two chairs and a table, just enough space for us to bring back some snacks to eat outside and to dry some hand-washed clothes.

If there’s a criticism to be made, it’s that the room is definitely not modern in any way. The switches to the lamps, for example, look like something I used to see in my grandparents’ apartment. Classic may be the word. Or perhaps: old-world charm.

Back in the bathroom, I fell in love with the sinks as soon as I saw them. Yes, it’s always nice to see double sinks for couples, but these were super-wide and had plenty of counter space. We could really spread out — a rare and decadent form of luxury.

There was a separate bath and shower — bonus points for couples that like both tubs and showers — and tons of chrome in the faucet handles, towel racks and handle bars.

The toiletries came from L’Occitane.

The only thing I didn’t like: The light switches were on the outside the bathroom and you could accidentally cut all power to the bathroom by flicking a switch as you first enter the room.

When I saw that the bidet and toilet faced one another… I could not stop imagining spouses facing one another while seated on their respective thrones. My wife and I did not try this.

Amenities

This building, constructed in 1959, houses more than just 282 guest rooms. There are small shops set up on the lobby level for brands like Prada and Cartier, as well as a grand restaurant on the ground floor, Varanda, which serves a range of seafood and several Portuguese dishes (steak, veal, pork) that’ll set you back 29 to 49 euros (~$31 to $52) per entrée. And then there’s the Ritz Bar and nearby sushi lounge, which were the busiest areas of the ground floor. Couples leisurely tossed back a few drinks in this more casual setting and ordered from the sushi chef, who worked his magic from behind a nearby counter.

Also on the ground floor are several lounges — a man played piano creating movie-like ambience when I was traversing the grounds. For the most part, these were totally empty, like a ready ballroom just waiting for guests to arrive.

Think that looks fancy? It gets better: The spa, gym and pool at this particular Four Seasons are equally ravishing. But first, to get to the pool and spa, you have to pass by the unusual chairs formed from an oversized sculpture of feet. This was the only light-hearted, borderline-kitsch touch in the hotel.

A woman overseeing the pool and spa area snapped to attention as soon as she saw me walk through the elevator and offered to take me on a tour. In that time, I took in the 59-foot pool (heated to 80 degrees), which rarely sees more than a few swimmers at one time. Comfy beach chairs line the side of the pool and also overlook the hotel garden.

I didn’t make time for a manicure (155 euros, or about $164), pedicure (175 euros, or about $185) or the “Princess for a Day” treatment (425 euros, or about $449 for four hours), among other services the spa offered. Had I wanted it, the hotel could also have assisted in booking a make-up artist or hairdresser. Good to know.

The gym, located on the roof, is magnificent. Aside from having an exceptionally large selection of equipment — bikes, ellipticals, treadmills, rowing machines, pilates, you name it — spread over more than 7,000 square feet…

…there’s also a track that goes around the periphery of the roof, allowing you to take in 360-degree views of Lisbon as you jog (or gawk, in my case).

I visited the 24-hour business center too, just because I sleep easier knowing that I can leave my hotel room and type loudly somewhere else if need be. Wi-Fi is free throughout the hotel, is not limited to one or two devices and worked well consistently. This office space also offered printers, fax machines, copiers and, best of all, more coffee.

Food and Beverage

To feed the sudden hunger pangs — midnight munchies, post-shopping low-blood sugar moments and so on — there’s an in-room mini-bar that comes stocked with candy bars (like Toblerones) and bottled water, juice, soda and minis (including Absolut Vodka). Free bottled water is also left in the room after every cleaning.

To experience a level of formal service that you may never encounter again, I highly recommend trying room service dinner. My wife and I ordered a salad, a seafood stew, a Portuguese pork-and-clams dish and a dessert and were blown away by the way the server presented our dishes — this was dinner theater and came across almost like a magic act.

First, he wheeled in a table covered in a white tablecloth. The hot dishes were being kept warm in concealed compartments, cold dishes in a portable fridge. The seafood stew came in a copper pot; he lifted the lid like it was some great reveal: voila!

Within seconds he had unveiled mini Tabasco bottles, a butter tray, cute salt and pepper shakers, oil and vinegar and a bread basket filled with crackers, rolls and breadsticks (we saved them and ate them for days). Suddenly, there we were, in a bedroom but sitting at this magnificently decorated table with more silverware than we knew what to do with. The food was impeccable.

The piece de resistance: The dessert was set on top of a shallow bowl filled with ice so the ice cream would not melt too quickly. The cost was not insubstantial, but could have been worse: $143 for the two of us, everything included.

Overall Impression

The level of service did not dip for a moment. When we asked the concierge if he could write down the name of a cold medicine we could buy at a local pharmacy, he not only wrote it down, he asked if we wanted him to go get it or if we wanted him to call a doctor for us.

When we asked if there were any grocery stores in the neighborhood (because we like browsing the aisles and bringing home rare goodies for friends), he described two spots, drew the directions on a map, Googled the business to find out their hours and explained which destination offered the more gourmet items.

On the last night, the manager called me at 8:00pm to find out how our experience had been and if we were happy. Yes, they’d gone above and beyond. And finally, when I was checking out, the front desk guy came out from behind the counter and handed me the receipt in an envelope using both hands. Well done.

Have you ever stayed at the Four Seasons Hotel Ritz Lisbon? Tell us about your experience in the comments, below.