#the last oral exam i had my evaluator told me it was the best one he'd seen

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

sorry for diary posting so much on main but this is the last one today prommy

[brellhal96]

It’s... pretty complicated

Summary: College dramas in the life of a third-year student who decides to start, not a relationship, but something with a renowned professor.

Okay the GIF is not very related to the subject, but this man dressed in black has me at his feet.

Notes: This is quite cliché actually, but what does it matter, it is worth dreaming. It is planned to be written in several chapters, so the first is mostly to give context to the story, I hope you like it.

I base myself on Loki's physique, although I will mention Tom Hiddleston as the star of the scene, but my perfect image is in the essence of Loki in a black suit.

I study a completely different area to numbers and physics, don't be rigorous with me on the subject, only I think it an excellent area to show Loki's personality, I do not know why.

I will show at the beginning of the series a somewhat possessive relationship, but with the outcome I promise to shape this. It should be noted that not in a toxic sense.

I didn't mention a specific university, country, or geographic location.ical location.

It's the first time I've written anything obscene, I hope you like it.

Precautions: 18+, mention of fear or anxiety, unprotected sex, a relationship at the beginning somewhat possessive.

CHAPTER 1

I NEVER SAID I WASN'T INTERESTED.

Notes: Okay this chapter is kind of weird honestly, I didn't really put so much emphasis on the obscene, but I feel like it ended up fine, I hope you like it.

Word count: 6389

You had gotten used to the hot weather of the beginning of the year, in fact you had always preferred that climate. You spent the summer with your parents on a beach, sometimes you missed them too much, but your father's job and the university of your dreams were right at the opposite ends of the country. The first year was quite complicated, but then you got used to living alone, you actually lived two blocks from campus so your bike was the perfect means of transportation.

You made some friends here, Jared had become your best friend, his bond of trust scared you a bit as you could tell him anything without fear, but it was quite comforting to have someone like that by your side.

You had earned a scholarship for academic excellence, your studies were your priority since you were a child and you loved that. The only unpleasant thing about this scholarship is that it restricted your choice of teachers in half of your subjects since you were supposed to be with “teachers of excellence”.

When you compared your subject strip to Jared and Diane, they only shared one class the three of them together, Diane another, and Jared two more. In the end you weren't going to be alone in all the classes so that calmed you a little, studying physics wasn't so complicated, it was easy for you, but socializing wasn't much for you.

You went to building C, your first class was analytical mechanics and later thermodynamics, the teacher in the second was assigned to you by the institute, a Doctor Hiddleston, you've never heard of him, you just hoped it wasn't a headache. Your mechanics teacher was a love and with the first class you knew it was going to be one of your favorite subjects.

When you finished you went to your other class, you sat right in the middle in the third row, several were in groups apparently with their friends from previous years. You took your computer and got ready to take notes. Suddenly the door closed tightly and everyone sat a little scared.

A very good-looking man came in, tall, thin and dressed completely in black, I honestly he caused you curiosity why for some reason you felt that you had seen him before.

Without seeing the class began to write on the board quickly "I am Professor Tom Hiddleston and I will teach the subject of Thermodynamics" His voice was strong and deep and you immediately recognized it. You frowned when you remembered last year's science fair, you won first place in the area of electromagnetism prototypes against a fourth-year kid, which made you feel completely proud, yet two of the judges had not been what we call nice to the two.

When you remembered Professor Hiddleston's deep look at you that day, the judges asked random questions to the fourth-year kid and you, but apparently your future thermodynamics teacher was one of those who enjoyed making students nervous with difficult questions. His sidekick on that occasion was your freshman professor, analytic geometry, Professor Scott Lawford a fucking genius, you had cried with his subject, but passed with an A +.

They both enjoyed seeing the nerves invading you and your opponent, whispering to each other with their answers. At one point Professor Hiddleston asked you and you remember perfectly well that when you finished speaking he only looked at you and smiled mockingly for then wrote something on his ballot. In the end you won by three points of the total vote and the fourth year boy, currently fifth, became your friend, both came to the same conclusion, the two teachers were crazy.

He began to write down on the board the evaluation and the issues that are always mentioned at the beginning of the year. For a moment you panicked when he wrote that one of the exams was oral, you could not imagine the martyrdom he would create just to get a passing grade.

He took 20 minutes to explain and let us out to start the next class with the course. When you came out unintentionally you stared at him while he was erasing the blackboard, but apparently your look was uncomfortable enough for him that for a second he turn and he stared at you, you rushed out of the classroom after that. When you told Jared about this future journey that you had to go through you felt immense despair, but then you remembered that, if you could the previous years with teachers equal or worse to him, this was only one step more.

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The first three weeks of class were pretty normal, you made two more friends and breakfast in the cafeteria with Jared and Diane made you forget about the pressures of school, but just the moment you felt like you were fitting in perfectly with your new year, the thermodynamics class became strange.

The classes with Tom were very pleasant, he was kinder than his body language showed, only he was certainly of a very volatile character, there were days when he seemed angry and others when he seemed happy, it was weird, but it was even weirder that you were attracted to him.

Your previous class had lasted longer than expected and the teacher extended 5 minutes out of her time which translates into being late for thermodynamics. You panicked when you saw the locked door of the classroom, wondered if it was better not to enter the class and pretend a headache straight to the infirmary, but in the end you breathed for a second and you'd decided get ready to knock the door.

“Can I help you with something?"You had never noticed that he was quite tall, it was the first time you were quite close to him.

"Sorry my mechanics teacher accidentally spread...”

"You were able to leave her class to get to mine on time, don't you think?"His gaze was quite penetrating up close.

“I really sorry, won't happen again,” Your hands were shaking, but in reality, not for fear, but his presence so formal, so rigid and secure made you feel strangely attracted to him, when you thought that, you actually invaded the shame, how do you fall in love of a teacher as strange as him.

He just opened the door and walked aside to let you through. "I asked them to work in pairs, look for your partner and ask him to explain what I already explain”

On the board were written several formulas, you wondered how he managed in 7 minutes to score so much.

You asked several guys over there, but apparently the whole damn world already had a partner, in the end you decided to do it alone, you just hoped he wouldn't flunk you for it. A girl explained the instructions to you, apparently you had to pick up one of the sheets that the professor had placed on the desk and solve it with the formulas on the blackboard, you even had to sit up to the top rows because all the other seats were occupied.

You started cursing internally while taking one of the paper sheets from the desk. "Who are you going to work with?"The professor asked you without seeing you while making notes with a rather nice pen of Indian ink.

"I'll do it alone, I already asked ... ”

"Don't you understand what couples are?"He interrupted you and this time he gave you a rather intimidating gaze.

"Yes, but apparently all my companions already have one and I figured I could do it alone then" Your hands trembled again with the paper sheet between them.

"Who doesn't have a partner?"he looked back at his papers and yelled at the whole group. It was pretty funny for you because he himself proved you were right, no one was missing a partner. When he looked up and saw that no one answered he saw you again and then looked at the blackboard behind his back.

"Well, I'll do it with you then" He got up and brought a chair that was at the end of the living room for you right next to his desk.

For a moment you wanted to run out of there, you knew you shouldn't make a mistake or say something stupid because otherwise you'd die trying.

"Get your stuff and start working it out, just let me finish a few things. To be fair with your colleagues and with you I will let you do it alone and answer any doubts you have, because obviously I know how this is solved, but I also consider that it is a lot of work for one person, do you agree?" His gaze became a little kinder.

"Yes, thank you,” you smiled faintly, but felt an internal shock as he winked at you and continued to write with his fine pen. You sat right in the corner of his desk, they were just three problems but they really left you with little desire to live. The first one, you felt was quite easy to solve, even at one point you felt the professor's gaze on you when you were so focused on your operations.

"Don't you have any doubts?"His eyebrows were puckered and his gaze was no longer mocking but rather with bona fide interests.

"No, not really, well I go in the second exercise, possibly I do" You smiled as you watched your operations with inner pride.

"Can I see?"He extended his hand to give him the leaves you had carried until then. You gave them to him, just hoping he'd tell you you had everything terribly wrong.

As he watched your leaves you watched him, he was quite attractive now that you saw him without fear that he would not let you into class, his hair was dark and apparently a lover of black to wear, his eyes were cute and quite tender while they examined your answers.

"Go on, I don't want to confuse you” He put the paper sheets on the desk and saw you with a small smile on your lips as a sign that you were on the right track.

Just 10 minutes before the class ended you finished all three exercises, you had only asked him one question and it was about whether it was a 4 or a 9 in a formula that wrote the board, so you felt pretty happy that you did it alone.

"Ready" You smiled broadly, you were the first to finish and the only one who had done it alone.

"Are you sure?”

"Yeah, well, I hope it's not a 0 at the end of the day,” you laughed to yourself, and in the end you wondered if you had thought about it or said it.

”Then let's see " took his pen and began to review your work. You froze when you saw that he framed something in your results, but he didn't tell you anything. "Well, I really didn't expect less from the winner of last year's science fair, maybe punctuality, but what does it matter”

You smiled when you saw that your grade was an A, only that he kept the papers, apparently he had to register them on his lists or something. Just as you were about to get up to leave, he asked you to stay at the end of class.

You sat back in the seats vacated by the peers that have already gone, but for a second, remembered what you said I didn't expected less from the winner of the science fair last year, he remembered you, you know that he remembered you, sonreíste for yourself when thinking that.

When the whole room was half empty, he started putting away his things. ”Come with me, " he said as he walked out with a firm and fast pace, so much so that you had to walk faster than normal. You wondered where they were going, it was pretty strange since you'd never been through the labs where it went.

“I've noticed that you're pretty good in the area, actually amazing, I even remember your answers about your prototype against the fourth year kid, former student of mine, you were much better than his” he opened the door of one of the labs and with his arm gave you a signal to enter.

“Thank you, I actually always dreamed of doing this, " you said as you walked into the lab, quite big, you assumed they were the ones that grad boys used.

"I want to propose you something” You sat at one of the practice tables and he leaned with both hands on his desk. "Would you like to work with me on a project I have?, is related to thermodynamics”

For a second you saw him with an expression of if he was joking with you or if he was serious and he seemed to read your mind.

"It's seriously, I'm working on a model related to the second law" he approached you sitting in the chair in front of yours.

"I would love to then, but I do not know how I could be of help”

"In many things" he smiled

For a moment you wondered why suddenly the man who seemed bitter about life was being so kind to you.

“You do not have to tell me your answer now, I will send you the files I have of my progress by mail if you like and you could think about it”

"Sure, I will" You smiled and he too, for a moment everything was silent, somewhat uncomfortable to be honest but his look no longer caused you fear, but somehow attracted you to him.

It was quite strange because they both got up at the same time so you were right next to him and his height difference was no small one.

"Well I think I have to go, I'll see you the next class”

"Wait, I wanted to give you something that I kept here," he went to the back cellar of the lab and came back with a bun that said first place. "I'm sorry, I was supposed to give it to you that day you won, but I honestly didn't remember where I left it, so this belongs to you.”

When you saw the bun with your name on it, you were very happy. "I thought they didn't give anything," you laughed as you put it in your backpack.

"Yeah, excuse me, I tend to be a little clueless about those things.”

"No problem," you smiled and shyly walked out of the room.

The weekend you started to question why Professor Hiddleston made you feel so nervous, now you knew that you were one of his star students, to the degree that you could be his future colleague, but why couldn't you even hold his gaze? you know, for a moment you thought about flatly refusing his project if you couldn't even see it in the eyes, but after you thought about it, you figured it would possibly be a good idea, you could even learn more things by being his apprentice.

It was Monday's class, you didn't know why, but you were in the lab on Friday, apparently you were doing an experiment on the tables with some microscopes on. ”You did it " There was Professor Hiddleston next to you, his command was on your waist and suddenly he began to approach you to kiss you on the lips and it was even stranger because it was quite nice for you, to reciprocate.

Right then you woke up, you're fucking in love with your thermodynamics professor, "Excellent Y / N, that's all that was missing."

Monday's class didn't even look him in the eye and you sat up to the top rows, you felt pretty uncomfortable with yourself thinking of a teacher that way.

"Y / N wait" Just when class ended you rushed to pack your things and run out of the classroom, but it still didn't work. "Did you think about what I told you?"The professor actually looked pretty excited about his own project.

"Yes, I just wondered if the meetings or the times we work could be on Fridays, that would make things a lot easier for me" You said without seeing the professor in the eyes, it was somewhat uncomfortable after that strange dream of the weekend.

"Sure, then it's a deal,” he held out his hand as if they were going to close the deal with a strong squeeze.

"Deal" You shook his hand and when you saw him you felt that his look was not only kind, but he was actually trying to tell you something.

The classes went on normally, you felt a little excited being sincere that you went to work with the professor who was now at the same time your impossible love, but you had to be careful for him not to notice. They agreed to meet after your last class at the lab on Fridays, at 15:00 hours. You knew it wasn't right, but from the moment you were attracted to the professor every time you saw him, you started using lip gloss and curling your hair.

For several weeks they worked on their project, now you understood their sudden mood swings, it was quite frustrating to feel that you had advanced in something and then realized that something did not fit with the rest of the procedure.

One Friday when you arrived he was making notes on the blackboard, had taken off his coat and tie and folded the sleeves of his shirt in a way that looked spectacularly attractive.

"Y / N pass," he smiled when he saw you in the driveway. "Did you read the documents I sent you?"On Wednesday he sent you a very interesting document about some theories related to the project.

"Yes, I just made some notes from some parts that I honestly didn't understand" You left your backpack in one of the buckets at the ends of the room " I'm not very good at some things”

"Neither do I, but don't worry,” he winked at you and you felt like you were melting internally.

For an hour they tried to solve one of the most difficult equations within the theory they chose, it was quite fun as sometimes you would collapse and sometimes he, but both tried to cheer up so as not to erase the whole slate of despair.

”Ready," you said when you finally managed to solve the equation.

”You did it!" saw the board quite surprised and so did you. "Your boyfriend is lucky" For a second he himself kept quiet knowing that the last thing he said wasn't quite right.

"Boyfriend? that species is extinct within my social radar" You laughed trying to keep him from feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." He saw you trying to analyze your expression.

"Well sometimes the unconscious makes us a bad move" You smiled broadly "besides I guess the lucky one is his girlfriend" you returned the same move trying to tempt the ground.

"It's also an extinct species to me," he smiled, but he avoid your gaze.

"Well, then we're free to go looking for it.”

"I thought you had a boyfriend," he said as he started writing the equation on the board on the computer.

"Why?"you sat at the desk, watching him write on the computer quite nervous.

"Nothing else" You knew he was lying to you.

"Nothing else?”

"Well you're a very cute and smart girl, I figured a lot of guys are interested in you.” He didn't even look you in the eye when he said that.

”I'm not really interested in anyone" You saw through the window as you answered" well, only in someone, but it's impossible” Oh God, now the unconscious had made the wrong move to you talking too much.

”Nothing is impossible" he looked up and seemed to know what you meant.

"Well, it's just that if I just had a sign I could know it's not impossible" You started fiddling with your wrist bracelet nervously.

"How what a sign?" he stopped writing and stood right in front of you, you were still sitting at the desk.

"I don't know" You felt the adrenaline start to accelerate your pulse as it approached you.

"A date, a kiss, or even invite you to work on a project?" He placed his hands on the edge of the desk rubbing your legs.

”Yes, that sounds good " Clearly you knew what he meant, his look and yours were fixed, you appreciated that the door was closed and it was the third level, the windows were facing nowhere, so no one could see what was happening.

"Well sometimes it is necessary that you also give signals, don't you think?" His gaze and yours really seemed to be completely fixed.

"Yeah, that sounds fair." You started breathing deeper.

Slowly, he tempting the ground, began to approach, for a moment you knew that this was not right, that it was not right, but fuck, your body wanted it as you have no idea. Slowly he started to kiss you, he was nice and actually a very good kisser, then he started to get a little rougher, but both you and he knew you wanted him, his arm held your hip and your hands hugged his neck holding on to him.

"Dr. Hiddleston, I bring the copies you ordered." Someone knocked on the door and immediately the feeling of running out overwhelmed you.

"Sure, I'm coming" saw you and he wiped the lip gloss you had left on him. You packed your stuff fast and when I was going to close the door again you walked out without seeing him in the face.

"Until Monday" You started walking fast.

"Y / N wait" was the last thing you heard when you started going down the stairs two at a time.

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You, Diane and Jared planned to go out that weekend, you weren't feeling well, but you also didn't want to leave them after you had planned this for days.

"Hey, you look pale," Jared saw you worried as they waited for food at the mall.

"Do you feel well Y/N?" Diane picked up a lock of your hair as you looked at nothingness.

”I'm a little worried," you said looking at the table now  "Can I ask for some advice?”

”You know you can Y/N" Jared saw you even more worried.

"What should I do if I like someone I shouldn't like?" Dress up Jared.

"Does he have a girlfriend or is he a fuck boy?" Diane asked pretty quickly.

"None, it's just...”

”Then I see no reason why you shouldn't like it."

”It's not that, but, he's like, I don't know how to say this" You didn't want to tell them that he was your thermodynamics professor, you would never actually do it. "I met him some time ago in the cinema, he's cute and kind to me, but he's older than me” you lied a little about it.

"How much are we talking about?”

"14 years, I think" you've never actually asked him about his age, but on one occasion while you were typing on his computer you saw his college professor card that had all his data on it by the way.

”Look at that, my best friend a whole league men" Diane actually got excited, started asking you what he was like and if you had already had something with him which was pretty strange, but Jared's expression wasn't really emotional.

"I can only tell you to be very careful Y/N" Jared took your hand " Do not let the pretty words lead you down a path other than the one you seek. And well, if he like you and you like him, I see no problem”

The weekend you thought about the kiss his gave, it was quite nice really nice, you had only had three boyfriends before and honestly their kiss had been better than all the previous ones. The problem was what were you going to do on Monday when you see him? Well that day you decided to wear a pink dress that your mother given you at Christmas, you never wore this type of clothes so it was going to be something quite new, you combed your hair differently even, you knew that if you were at least going to talk to him and he told you that it was a mistake he would miss something great.

Your legs started shaking when you walked into the classsroom, you sat as usual in the third row, Tom wasn't there yet, so that calmed you down a little more. You noticed that in this class you had not made friends, so to avoid the panic of seeing him in the eyes when he entered in the classroom you preferred to start talking to the girl who always sat next to you.

"He took a while, didn't it?" you smiled so you didn't look crazy.

"Yes something, but for me no problem" the girl smiled as well

"My name is Y / N, and you?”

"Meghan, you're going with the teacher Fox in relativity, aren't you?”

"Yeah, you too?”

"No but my boyfriend does, I've seen you come out of there when I expect it”

"Well, I don't really know many people.”

"Well, college is exhausting," they both smiled, actually Meghan seemed like a pretty nice girl.

"Speaking of the king of Rome, he's arrive." When she said that and you heard the door shut, fear invaded you, so you didn't look at him. You just focused on your computer monitor, but you knew he saw you.

The class felt as if it had lasted 20 minutes and not an hour and a half, the desire to leave was enough.

"Hey if you want we could have breakfast together today, apparently you don't have class now either, do you?" Meghan waited for you to put your things away.

"Of course I would love to and no, I don't have class” You fully appreciated that Meghan will not leave you in the classroom, without looking at Tom you went out with your new friend, you felt that had been a bit cruel, but the nerves were worse.

At the end of the day you didn't do anything about it and neither did Wednesday and apparently Tom wasn't interested in asking you to stay and talk either, or so it seemed.

On Friday you returned to the usual routine with the usual clothes and hairstyle, honestly you no longer felt in the mood to waste time on those things. The class went on normally until at one point you crossed eyes with him, it was a bit strange, but you pretended you didn't care and ignored him after a few seconds. At the same time in the classes you talked with Meghan, even going out to eat the cafeteria.

"Y/N can we talk for a second?"Back to being alone with him in the classroom at the end, Meghan said goodbye and whispered you in your ear that she will waiting for you in the cafeteria.

"Hey I didn't want to overdo you, let alone bother you, I apologize for it and also if you no longer want to work on the project I will fully understand it” His face seemed that he was really sorry about last week.

"I really don't know what to say." You were completely honest.

"I'm sorry I should have known that you're not interested in me at all and it's okay”

"I never said I wasn't interested”

He calmly checked the hallway and closed the classroom door

"You ran away, that tells me otherwise”

"Yes, but that's was I panicked, I didn't want to bother you”

"For God's sake, that doesn't matter anymore.”

"It does matter and quite”

"You want to talk about this then?”

"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner”

"So am I, excuse me too” he hesitated for a second when he finally asked," Do you want to continue with the project?”

"Of course I do" You got a little closer to him.

"See you at 15: 00 then" He too approached and carefully kissed your hand to leave the classroom.

This time you arrived early, your teacher had let them out forty minutes earlier, so you decided to be somewhat punctual to your appointment. You read while you waited sitting on the chairs in the hallway, when you saw him come you smiled and he when saw you, smiled too.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think you were going to arrive so early” he closed the door carefully and just as he turned around you gave him a pretty long kiss and he reciprocated broadly.

"I'm sorry" You saw that he was actually happy about it "I think last time we couldn't finish it"

He held your face in his hands for a few seconds "I like you Y/N, I know what's not right, I know this not right, but fuck, I like you a lot”

”And you me" He kissed you again, this time a little rough, it seemed that he wanted to make his statement clear. ”I really wanted to kiss you in front of everybody on Monday in that cute dress."

"If you like it I can bring it more days," you winked.

After that day working on the project was much more fun, and even in the classes they shared gazes from time to time, it felt good, had passed enough time that you did not date someone. On the other hand, sometimes fear invaded you, you knew that if anyone found out about whatever it was you and Tom had, it was the end of your scholarship and even your college life.

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"Do you like lobster?"He asked you while making notes on the computer and you cleaned the board.

"I've never eaten it"

“What? How can you live without eating lobster in your life?" He came up to you and, holding you by the waist, turned you towards him.

"Well, we're not all millionaires so I can't buy lobster." You inadvertently smeared chalk in his hair when you touched him.

"Then I'll buy you lobster dinner. What do you say?" He caressed your face as he waited for your answer

"Mmmm, when?”

"Tomorrow, I'd wait a few blocks from here, you don't want anyone to see you getting in my car, do you?”

"I'd love for them to, but yes, send me the instructions and I'll see you there then.”

"Why would you love it?"He kissed your neck calmly.

"That they might see that you are mine" You smiled mockingly.

"Well, I mean you're mine too, so it would be a fair deal.”

For weeks now both were texting, it was interesting to see that teachers also have a life apart from teaching.

You dressed up, not so formal or so casual for the occasion, it was the first date you had, it felt a little strange, you wore on a low-cut black dress, something daring for your tastes, but it was the most suitable thing you found. When you arrived at the rendezvous point, you immediately identified his car.

“I can't believe how perfect you are, " he gave you a sweet kiss while you fixed your skirt so it wouldn't wrinkle. He came as always very formal.

The dinner was perfect, you did not know that the lobster tasted that way, you liked it a lot, the place was beautiful, the waiters very attentive and well, talking with Tom about things that were not thermodynamics was pleasant. In the end he invited you to his apartment, which you sincerely hoped was not just with the intention of kissing you.

When they arrived his apartment looked like a palace, it was very nice, very cozy, his kitchen was comfortable enough to cook anything, your apartment was too small for a kitchen like him.

He told you that he should make some calls, that you could explore the house if you wanted and you took his word, it was very nice place, in the hallway to the bedroom had his medals and recognitions, you did not know that he studied chemistry too, he's a genius. When you finished walking, you looked in the fridge for something to drink.

"Want some wine?"Because of its height it was much easier to reach the shelves above where it seemed to have the bottles of wine.

”I would love to"

He served two glasses in half, it was red wine with a very good smell, you knew it because your father was a wine lover, so much so that he had even taken you to vineyards to see how they did it.

"May I?"You asked, pointing out if you could play something on the record player in the room.

“Clear”

When yo put the pen on the record a fairly quiet song began to play, he took the cup out of your hand and put it on the ledge next to his, placed his hand on your waist and with the other he held your hand, you placed yours on his neck.

“Would you laugh if I told you it's the first time I've danced with someone? well, that someone who is not my father invites me to dance”

"Really?”

"Yeah, well I had a boyfriend that I took out to dance, that's why it doesn't count,” you laughed as you remembered that.

"Well, what an idiot, you are beautiful Y/N and I will dance with you as many times as possible”

You felt a lot of peace in his arms, he was much stronger than you, that was clear, but even just seeing him in the eyes you felt that everything was going to be okay. You weren't very good at dancing, but he gave you the confidence to even make a mistake.

For a moment he began to kiss you slowly, slowly while the music echoed to both of us, then he began to kiss your neck which in a way tickled you, but at the same time made you want it with all your soul. After a few seconds as his hands ran through your hips and yours his hair whispered into his ear: "Take me to the bedroom" you stared at him and he understood completely.

He carried you so easily that it seemed that you did not weigh anything, carefully put you in bed and wait for you reaction.

"For God's sake, I want to make you mine from the moment I saw you at that fucking science fair contest.”

"Well now is your time" You bit your lip slightly.

He knew you were too small in comparison to him, so he was very careful when touch you, first he started by your dress, very slowly unbuttoning it. He look you in your underwear the moment he managed to take it off you. On the other hand, you, in a somewhat desperate way, started to take off his belt.

"No, until I say so" Their gaze turned a bit dark, they could see the desire for each other in your eyes.

He started kissing your crotch carefully, you moaned slightly, you had no intimate contact with anyone for a long time, so you somehow didn't remember how glorious this feels. He kept kissing getting closer to your entrance, the heat began to flood your body, after walking your thighs he began to lick your entrance a little desperate, but at the same time touching the exact points to make you see stars. He put two fingers inside you and immediately your back curled, when he entered the third in you pulled his hair as you began to feel the heat in your stomach increase more and more.

”Tom, please, I'm almost there" you moaned as your eyesight began to blur completely.

His fingers began to move faster and for an instant you felt like the heat flooded your whole body, it was the first time that someone managed to make you come with oral sex. You pulled his hair back, but it didn't seem to bother him, even taking it as a way to know where or not to continue. Your legs clenched at the feeling and he proudly began to undress. When you saw it you felt that you really needed to have he inside you, his axis was quite large, more than you imagined and its well worked body made you feel needed.

"Fuck me like there's no tomorrow," you whispered as you recovered from the first round.

You felt the desire going between your legs, again you were so wet just to imagine he inside you.

"You know that if I hurt you or if you want me to stop I will do it immediately” He placed on you and spread your legs with his knee.

You just nodded, he was staring at you as he began to insert his shaft into you, it hurt a bit, tears started running down your cheeks and Tom's face looked worried, "Do you want me to stop?”

"No!" To drown the groans you hid your face on his shoulder as he began to take a rhythm in his onslaught, at one point the pain ceased and he took a stronger rhythm, one after another, you felt as your body began to attach quite well to its axis, to the degree that you glued more your hips to his, demanding more. When he noticed it one of his hands took the headboard and with the other placed one of your legs on his shoulder to give you what you needed. At some point he also started moaning, loud and deep, which made you feel even more excited in the middle of it all.

”Fuck, why are you so perfect?" he whispered into your ear as you began to feel your orgasm was about to bloom.

"Make me yours, only yours" you moaned almost without strength.

"You are only mine" His onslaught, although it seemed that you could not, began to be faster and deeper, you knew that sitting was going to be a challenge for you in the following days.

To drown your groans he gave you a very deep kiss, his tongue did all the work in the kiss, honestly for you it was a sea of sensations that would end you unconscious of pleasure. Just as they both reached the climax he saw you in the eyes and felt you fade away in sobs and moans.

”I'm almost there" he said as he clung even more to you and your legs began to close with pleasure.

"Me too" Didn't know if you understood what you meant, but at least you were trying.

"Let me feel you" His words were your release and his, you felt the heat of his seed inside you and it was enough for your orgasm to reach the necessary point of feeling a deep warmth throughout your body. The veins on her neck were too marked and you could also feel her breathing so heavy as she enjoyed her release.

He was over you for several minutes, the only thing you could hear in the room was his busy, deep breaths. You hugged him fondly and he hugged you, when he came out of you you felt a pretty weird void, but fuck, it was the best sex you'd ever had in your life.

After his breaths managed to take a moderate course he saw you in the eyes as he groomed your hair carefully.

”I didn't want to be too brusque the first time" His hand caressed your stomach, internally you told yourself that if this was not brusque you didn't imagine the next time how sore you would end up, but it's something that really excited you, in every way.

"We'll have many more times to do it" You smiled and planted a kiss on his lips. "Many more" smiled in the middle of the kiss which made you adore him even more.

Thanks for readign me 

[pickalilywrites]

i haven’t uploaded this onto tumblr yet b/c i’m lazy but it’s been on my ao3 for at least a month 😱

----------

When I Met You

GalliPieck. Canonverse. 

6766 words.

Read on AO3!

Pieck stumbles up the dirt path and wonders how she had managed to walk up this same hill every morning back when she was still a Warrior candidate. Back then it had been a struggle for her too - she never had the best stamina and was always one of the last people to arrive, her cheeks flushed and sweat dripping down her back - but now it’s especially challenging as she hobbles forth on her crutches, which don’t seem to be helping her at all. General Magath hovers behind her worriedly, hands stretched out behind Pieck as if to catch her in case she falls. He always does this, worries too much about Pieck despite the Devil blood that runs through her veins. The man has always been strangely kind even back when Pieck and her companions were still students training to be Warriors. 

“I won’t fall over, so stop looking at me like the wind will blow me away,” Pieck tells the general with a fake pout. She waves him away with a crutch, laughing at his scandalized expression. She turns back to the path, moving forward even though her arms ache and her feet are numb. “I don’t know why I let you lead me here, General. I feel like I have to walk slower just to stop those worry lines from permanently wrinkling your face. It might have been better to just go on my own.” 

“Go on your own?” Magath splutters as if the idea is unthinkable to him. It’s strange how fragile he sees Pieck when just days ago she was on the battlefield killing hundreds of enemy soldiers at the bat of an eyelash. As if she’s not a monster and just an ordinary soldier that needs to rest after a battle. Then again, the man has always been strange that way. Now, his frown deepens, Pieck’s lighthearted words doing nothing to lessen his concern. “I don’t understand why you couldn’t wait for Zeke or Porco to accompany you or wait a week or two until you’ve recovered. It’s not as if the academy is going anywhere.” 

Pieck fights the urge to sigh. Sometimes, General Magath acts more like her father than her superior, but she’d never say this out loud. Instead, she rolls her eyes and says, “Zeke is meeting with a few officials and Porco agreed to meet me here later. He’s grabbing snacks for the kids, but it’d take too long if he brought me along-” Here, Pieck leans over to pat her leg, ignoring Magath’s grimace. “-and today is the perfect day to visit, besides. They have their evaluations today.” 

“Ah, evaluations,” Magath says with a nod. He should know better than her. He had been an instructor for a good time before returning to the field, the new Warriors in tow. He must have evaluated dozens of children before the final candidates had dwindled down to Pieck, Marcel, Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner. “Anyone interesting?” 

Pieck nods. “Zeke might have mentioned them a few times. Zofia is good at working with others and doesn’t crack under pressure. She’s also quite clever; she does incredibly well with written exams. Udo is also quite good - at least on paper. He’s smart, but he lacks confidence.” 

Their last evaluations were quite impressive, if Pieck recalls correctly. Zofia, a slender girl with a thin nose and half-lidded eyes, had bragged to Pieck about her test scores the last time the Cart Titan had come to visit. Pieck recalls the girl making an effort to point out that not only had her test scores improved, but they were much better than the other candidates. Udo was a little more reserved about his accomplishments, but he had shyly offered his evaluation for Pieck to look at and his marksmanship scores and weaponry grades were particularly memorable. 

“And Grice’s younger brother?” Magath asks. “I believe his name is Falco. You know Colt’s brother, of course.” 

“Of course,” Pieck says, the corner of her lip turning upward into a smile. Of course, Magath would take the time to remember the name of a soldier’s younger brother. He’s the type to remember details like that even though other people in Magath’s position would think such information to be useless. “He’s …. well, he’s very passionate. He works hard.” 

Truth be told, Falco fades into the background when thinking about the other candidates. The boy is talented enough to be considered a candidate, but he’s not more impressive than the others in any way. His stamina is decent, his strength is passable, and his written exam scores are acceptable. Falco hadn’t seemed to inherit the strategic mind and perseverance that his older brother Colt possessed, which is a shame. Of course, it’s not necessary for him to become a chosen Warrior when his brother’s future as the Beast Titan is guaranteed, but it’s always an honor for a family to have someone be chosen as a Warrior. It’s even more of an honor to have two. It’s not Falco’s fault. He isn’t even bad, he’s just not outstanding like the rest of his peers. 

Still, Magath nods as if this is enough. “Character like that is hard to build. The instructors should continue to keep an eye on that boy.” 

Pieck doubts this, but she doesn’t say it out loud. Magath knows a thing or two about Warrior candidates after all, so maybe she should keep an eye on Falco. He might be a late bloomer. 

“I find Gabi Braun the most interesting though,” Pieck says. 

The general raises an eyebrow at the name. “Reiner’s cousin?” he asks. He hums when Pieck confirms with a nod. “Another Warrior in the Braun family. Perhaps it’s in their genes. They’d be lucky to have the Armored Titan handed down to a relative.” 

They’d have to call it luck. Gabi is the clear candidate for the Armored Titan. She excelled in nearly everything with the exception of written and oral exams. The young girl was a model Warrior candidate - something that her cousin Reiner never was. In fact, Pieck still thinks it’s a miracle that the Armored Titan had earned his position because she had never found him a formidable opponent when fighting for her spot as a Warrior Candidate. He lacked in nearly everything and his evaluations were poor aside from writing and oral assignments. Reiner was, in every way, the exact opposite of Gabi. Pieck had thought Porco would inherit the Armored Titan for sure, so she was surprised when it was announced that Reiner would be chosen as the inheritor. Some days she still can’t wrap her head around it. 

“Lucky indeed,” Pieck agrees with a murmur. 

They near the top of the hill where the academy is located. There are children outside, some running around and playing now that today’s lessons have concluded while others lie in the grass to rest. Most of them don’t notice Pieck and Magath strolling up the hill until they’ve reached the gate. It’s a girl that greets them first, shouting Pieck’s name loud enough to have the other children turn their heads and begin running towards Pieck. Pieck’s popularity must surprise Magath because he’s alarmed at the crowd of kids that rushes at Pieck. The kids throw their arms around her, hugging her with so much affection that they nearly knock her to the ground. 

“Ah, did you miss me that much?” Pieck laughs, struggling to stay upright with all these kids piling on her. She pats one affectionately on the head, ruffling their hair. She almost forgets about Magath for a second until she turns her head and sees the man, his forehead wrinkled as he wonders if he should pull the children off her. She grins widely. “No need to worry, General. You’ve left me in good hands with these kids. They’ll take good care of me.” 

At the mention of Magath’s title, the children quickly unstick themselves from Pieck’s limbs and turn towards the general, their hands held up in a salute. Their faces, which had been filled with smiles just seconds before, are now solemn as they look up at Magath. Pieck wants to laugh at the contrast. 

“I’ll leave her in your capable hands then,” Magath says, giving them a salute of his own. The general has the decency not to laugh, but Pieck sees an amused sparkle in the man’s eye before he turns to leave. He gets along well with children. Pieck thinks it’s a shame that the man stopped being an instructor. Nobody speaks until the man disappears from view. 

“That was General Magath, wasn’t it?” a boy says, his voice filled with awe. He turns to Pieck, admiration in his eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him up close before.” 

“Work harder and maybe you will,” a voice Pieck recognizes as Zofia says. The girl is in the back, her face smug. Zofia is a little thinner than Pieck remembers, but the girl still has the same half-lidded eyes and choppy blonde bangs that she had when Pieck first met her. “You have to get better if you want to be chosen for missions. You’ll never meet the generals and commanders otherwise.” 

Zofia is referring to the military operations that the candidates are sometimes picked for. Only top candidates are chosen; it’s a way to reward the candidates for their hard work and at the same time offer them experience on the battlefield before they acquire their Titan. It’s no use to have a Titan and not know how the battlefield works. Pieck herself had been on a number of missions when she had been a candidate. Zofia has as well, but not a lot of other children are picked for such missions. Not everyone gets that honor. 

“Miss Pieck,” the child whines, clearly offended. He tangles himself around her arm, sulking into her side. 

“You’ll get them soon,” Pieck says soothingly, patting the boy’s back. 

He looks up, surprised. Maybe even a little bit excited. “I will?” 

Pieck nods. “If you work hard,” she says, pressing her finger to his nose. 

The boy groans, his arms falling away from Pieck as Zofia snickers behind him. The other children laugh too, poking the boy and teasing him. A few have worried looks on their faces, probably worried about not being chosen for a mission anytime in the near future. Pieck used to worry about such things too when she was younger. She has other things to worry about now. 

Udo grabs Pieck’s crutches from her while other kids take her by the hand and lead her to the schoolhouse. They tell her about their day - some long-distance running, lessons on surviving in the wilderness, and history classes before their evaluations were handed out to them - and Pieck nods as she only half-pays attention to their stories. Some even show her their reports, although she only really pays attention to Udo’s and Zofia’s. They have high marks - much higher than their peers - and she makes a mental note to tell General Magath and Zeke when she sees them again. As they get nearer to the classroom, she notices that a familiar head of black is not here with them. 

“Where’s Gabi?” Pieck asks, looking around. It’s strange not to see the lively girl hovering around her with the others. Usually, Gabi is the first one to greet her, pushing her classmates out of the way to get Pieck first. She feels a bit guilty about not noticing the girl’s absence earlier. 

People look away at the mention of Gabi, their gazes fixed on their feet and the dirt road. Pieck isn’t entirely sure why, but she sometimes has the feeling that Gabi isn’t well-liked among her peers. It might be because of jealousy or perhaps the girl’s accomplishments intimidate the others. Nobody offers her an explanation of Gabi's whereabouts, so Pieck wonders if the girl had gone home early for a moment until Zofia speaks up. 

“She’s in the classroom right now. She told us not to bother her,” Zofia explains. Out of everyone, Zofia seems to be the closest to Gabi, although it was more like the two got along alright instead of being actual friends. Even now, Zofia’s voice drops to a whisper as they all approach the schoolhouse. “I think she’s upset about her evaluation.” 

That’s strange. Gabi’s incredibly well-rounded. Even with written and oral exams, the girl’s biggest weakness, Pieck can’t imagine Gabi scoring low enough for it to be worth nothing. 

“Do you know what her evaluation was?” Pieck asks. 

Zofia snorts and looks at the schoolhouse door with a pout. “Of course not. Gabi won’t share that with anyone,” Zofia says, rolling her eyes. It’s not something Zofia would understand, Pieck decides, because her scores were good all-around. Even if the girl had a bad score, she’d probably bounce back quickly. Gabi, on the other hand, takes every ounce of criticism to heart. 

They all stand there, Pieck at the door while the kids huddle behind her, wondering if they’ll actually go in. It’s like they’ve approached a dragon’s lair - half of them are too scared to enter while the other half is curious as to what awaits inside. Is Gabi fuming? Is she crying? Is she sitting in silent shock? Whatever it is, Pieck feels like it’s only polite to grant her privacy instead of trying to talk to her about her evaluation in front of a dozen uninvited children. 

“I’ll talk to her myself,” Pieck tells them with a smile. The disappointed looks don’t go unnoticed and Pieck almost laughs. Children are so strange when they’re competitive. Then again, she might have been the same way back when she was their age. 

The students leave, some a little more reluctantly than the others. Some even straggle behind until Pieck shoos them away, telling them to look out for Porco instead because he should have some treats for them when he arrives. The promise of food - snacks, sweets, and other goodies that they aren’t normally allowed - is enough to get them to leave, any thoughts of eavesdropping on Pieck and her conversation with Gabi forgotten. After the coast is clear, Pieck waits a minute before knocking. 

“Gabi?” Pieck calls. “It’s me, Pieck.” There’s no answer, but Pieck spots a lone figure slumped over a desk when she cracks open the door to take a peek. She raps her knuckles against the door frame to make her presence known in case Gabi hadn’t heard the first time, but the girl simply lets out an angry groan. It’s not exactly an invitation, but Pieck takes a seat beside the sulking girl anyway. 

Gabi doesn’t lift her head up when Pieck sits down next to her, but she does turn her head, her lower lip sticking out in a pout. “Hi, Miss Pieck,” Gabi says. Her tone lacks the girl’s usual abundance of energy. In her hand, she clutches a crumpled piece of paper. It most definitely is the evaluation that Zofia mentioned earlier. 

“What are you doing here by yourself?” Pieck asks. She touches Gabi lightly on the arm, and the girl doesn’t flinch away from Pieck’s hand. That’s a good sign. “Everyone else is playing outside and waiting for Porco to bring snacks. I told him to bring your favorites. You like those chocolate candy cigarettes, don’t you?” 

There isn’t even a hint of a smile on the girl’s face at the mention of her favorite snack. She continues to sit there moodily, rubbing the corner of her evaluation between her two fingers. “I don’t feel like eating.” 

“Are you sure? It might be a while before we visit again, and you know Reiner can’t afford to keep buying you snacks all the time.” Pieck lays her head down on the table next to Gabi’s. When she smiles, Gabi returns it with a scowl. “All your friends might eat the snacks before you get a chance to have even one.” 

Gabi’s frown deepens and she turns away from Pieck, hiding her face in her elbow. “Doesn’t matter. They’re not my friends anyway.” Her voice is muffled by the sleeve of her shirt. 

Pieck raises an eyebrow. Gabi’s never been incredibly sociable, but she’s never been this hostile towards her classmates. Curious, Pieck sneaks a peek at Gabi’s evaluations. There aren’t any horrible marks - they’re all in the nineties, a few high eighties, and even a hundred here and there - but there are a few subjects that Gabi’s elbow is covering. She purses her lips, finger tapping on the desk. After a moment, Pieck asks quietly, “Are you upset about your evaluation scores, Gabi?” 

Gabi finally sits up, a terrible glare on her face. Her classmates were right to be afraid. Her face is flushed red, although Pieck suspects it’s from anger rather than embarrassment or crying. Gabi isn’t the type to cry about these things. “Did Zofia tell you?” Gabi’s eyes narrow as she glowers at Pieck. 

Pieck decides not to tell Gabi that Zofia had told her about the evaluations. If anyone can handle an angry Gabi, it would probably be Zofia, but Pieck doesn’t want her to deal with that if she doesn’t have to. Instead, Pieck rubs soothing circles on Gabi’s back. “Can I take a look at them? It probably isn’t as bad as you think it is.” 

The girl continues to glare at Pieck, but the Cart Titan just stares back, expression neutral. After a while, Gabi finally sighs and removes her elbow from the paper, allowing Pieck to look at the paper. 

Pieck takes the paper in her hand, her eyes scanning through the subjects and their corresponding scores. As expected, Gabi’s grades are stellar. Her lowest grades are in history and speaking, but even those scores are an improvement from last term. Pieck’s eyes continue to wander downward until she finds an anomaly among the high scores - cooperation. The box beside it is marked with a large 0, somehow angrier and more savage-looking than the other scores despite being written with the same red pen as the other numbers. Gabi’s teamwork skills have never been that high, but a 0 is abysmal. No wonder the girl is miserable. 

“...Do you have a problem working in teams, Gabi?” Pieck asks, trying to keep her tone light as she sets the paper down. She looks at Gabi cautiously, gauging the girl’s reaction. 

“I don’t,” Gabi says. Her thick brows furrow and she sucks in her cheeks the way she does when she’s angry. “Everyone else just sucks.” 

Pieck has to stifle a laugh, coughing behind her hand to hide her smile. She really shouldn’t be encouraging this behavior, but some of the things the kids say are so ridiculous she can’t help laughing. “I’m sure they’re not that bad,” Pieck says. She hopes that her stoic face is convincing. Then again, Gabi is too busy glaring at the 0 on her evaluation form to pay any attention to Warrior’s facial expression. 

“I don’t even understand why I have to learn how to work with others,” Gabi mutters. She leans back roughly against her chair, slouching with her legs splayed out. “It’s not as if I’ll be controlling the Armored Titan with others. It’s not like the Cart Titan where you have to work with other people to be fully operational.” She glances at Pieck for a moment and, as if remembering who she was speaking to, tacking on a mumbled, “No offense.” 

Pieck shrugs off Gabi’s words, not at all bothered. It’s true that the Cart Titan is the least capable Titan for combat. Its form made it too awkward to fight in combat and it was not anywhere near as agile as the Jaw or Armored Titan. Its strength lay in its ability to transport equipment and carry military weapons, requiring soldiers to work alongside it to operate the machinery. While the other Titans didn’t need extra equipment to be useful on the battlefield, that didn’t mean that cooperation was useless for them. 

“Do you think your cousin Reiner got where he was from doing whatever he wanted and not listening to others?” Pieck says with a laugh. 

Gabi has stopped glaring now, but her lower lip is still sticking out in a pout. Still, she looks at Pieck curiously, wondering what the Warrior has to say, so Pieck proceeds. 

“The only reason why the Warriors work so well together is because we’re able to work as a team. We listen to Zeke, our commander, as well as our military superiors. If we didn’t, we’d be a mess out there on the battlefield. The enemy would massacre us and it wouldn’t matter how powerful our Titan forms are,” Pieck says. She brushes away a stray lock of hair from Gabi’s forehead. 

The young girl’s brow is still furrowed and she looks as if she wants to argue with Pieck, but there isn’t anything to argue about. It doesn’t matter what Gabi thinks. Pieck is the one with more military experience and the one with a Titan. She knows better than Gabi. After a moment, Gabi asks, “How am I supposed to work with people if they don’t like me?” 

It seems like such an ordinary question to ask - not at all about how to get better in combat or improve stamina or anything about surviving during a battle - that Pieck almost laughs, but the girl is looking at her so earnestly that Pieck swallows her smile. “You guys don’t have to like each other, at least not at first,” Pieck replies. There are still people in the military that she hates working with, but she’s not going to tell Gabi that. That’s something the girl can figure out on her own. “Just try to work well with them - listen to them, take into account their concerns, be open to suggestions - and maybe you’ll like them better.” 

“That’s impossible,” Gabi scowls, arms folded over her chest. Her mind has already been made up about her classmates. The girl is incredibly stubborn. It’ll take a while for her mind to change about her classmates. Gabi sneaks a curious glance at Pieck and then, without warning, asks, “Did you get along well with Porco when you first met him?” 

“Porco?” Pieck isn’t sure why the name startles her so much. Maybe it’s because she was expecting Gabi to ask about someone else like Zeke, who Pieck has worked with much longer than Porco. 

Gabi nods. “My instructor said you two work incredibly well on the field together. ‘Perfectly in sync,’ she said.” As she says this, the girl looks almost envious. She looks at Pieck suspiciously as if the Cart Titan has been hiding some secret from her. “What did you think of him when you first met?” 

“When we first met?” Pieck says with a laugh. “That was so long ago though…” Her voice begins to trail off as she recalls meeting Porco. 

------

Pieck had, of course, met Porco before. They had been Warrior candidates at the academy and trained side-by-side. She had even had a few conversations with him back then - ordinary conversations about the weather and musings about the lessons they would have - but nothing they discussed was memorable. Of her classmates, Porco had been one of the more memorable of her peers. He was good on the field, skilled at fighting, and had an intellectual acuity for battlefield strategies, especially in large formations. She, along with many others, had thought Porco was the logical choice for the Armored Titan, so it was a surprise when Reiner Braun was announced in his place. The surprise didn’t last, however, and Pieck had been quick to accept it, her memory of Porco and his discontent scowl fading in the back of her mind. It was only five years later that she saw him again, only this time he was no longer Porco Galliard, the candidate that had failed to become the Armored Titan, but Porco Galliard, the one chosen to inherit the Jaw Titan. 

“Meet the Jaw Titan,” Zeke says as he introduces (or, really, re-introduced) Porco to Pieck. 

“We’ve met before,” Porco says at the same time Pieck is thinking it. Still, he offers a hand for Pieck to take and she shakes it, noting how rough and weathered it is in hers. He has a strong grip though, which she takes as a good sign before she lets go. 

“We trained together,” she explains to Zeke. 

“And fought together,” he adds. There’s an awkward silence between them - from Pieck because she can’t recall seeing Porco on the field and from Porco because he doesn’t know how to proceed from there. It must be that the silence is getting to him because Porco clears his throat and clarifies, “I was a part of the infantry.” 

“Ah,” Pieck says with a nod, pretending like she remembers even though she doesn’t. There are so many people on the field every day. The only people she really knows are the ones that work alongside her, manning the artillery on the Cart Titan’s back. 

The commander claps the two on the back. “Well, you two will be fighting side-by-side more often once Porco takes hold of the Jaw Titan,” Zeke says. He looks at Porco. “The ceremony is this weekend, isn’t it?” 

“Ah, yes,” Porco says, a bit startled at the attention. He offers up a bag that he’s been holding. Inside are snacks of every kind - sweet things like muffins and cookies and savory snacks like sausages and jerky. They’re the types of things Eldians can’t afford to buy unless their families had a member that inherited a Titan. Zeke and Pieck both stare down at the snacks and Porco clears his throat. “I bought them to celebrate. Er, if you want any.” 

“Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” Zeke asks, raising his eyebrow. He reaches in and plucks out a bag of jerky. He tears open the wrapping easily, snapping off a piece of the dried beef with his teeth. “Ah, but this is good. Thanks, Porco.” He ruffles the man’s head as if Porco were a child and not a man about to inherit one of Marley’s most powerful weapons. 

“No problem,” Porco mumbles, cheeks flushing at the simple words of thanks. He notices that Pieck still hasn’t taken anything so he offers the bag to her, holding it under her nose. “Take some.” 

Pieck looks down, observing the wide selection. There are only three of them, so there wasn’t really a need to get so much food. These are all snack foods besides, but maybe Porco enjoys snack foods or maybe he’s hoping to save some for his family later. After a moment she looks at him, frowning as she jokingly tells him, “You don’t have my favorite in here.” Behind her Zeke snorts, but Porco looks at her in alarm like he’s afraid he’s actually offended her. 

“Which one’s your favorite?” 

“Don’t tease him when he’s nervous enough as it is, Pieck,” Zeke says with a chuckle. He’s already halfway through the packet of jerky already. 

“Those little sweet crackers. The ones with the scallop edges and sprinkled with sugar. You know the ones?” she asks Porco. She feels bad immediately afterward because the man’s now frowning down at his bag of food. It almost looks like he’s trying to will one of the snacks to transform to Pieck’s favorite treat. Hastily, Pieck makes a grab for a random pack of food and pulls out a licorice wheel. It’s not ideal, but it could be worse. She makes a show of waving it in Porco’s face, a smile on her face. “Nevermind. These will do. Thanks, Porco!” 

He grunts in response but still seems troubled. Even as Zeke continues to talk to them - discussing future plans now that they’ve reacquired the Jaw Titan and the need to prevent neighboring countries from invading - he seems distracted, nibbling at a chocolate wafer nervously and nodding every once in a while. Watching him makes Pieck feel guilty and she almost wants to put down her licorice wheel and apologize, but doing that in the middle of a conversation with Zeke might make the poor man feel even more awkward so she unwinds the licorice wheel and eats it inch by bitter inch. It’s only after Pieck has eaten another licorice wheel - a raspberry-flavored one, which was more bearable than the black licorice wheel before - and Zeke has inhaled nearly all of the jerky and sausage that Porco abruptly gets up to excuse himself, mumbling something about coming back soon. 

“Do you think I made him uncomfortable?” Zeke asks before Pieck can. 

She snorts, nearly choking on her raspberry candy. “You? Why would you make him uncomfortable?” 

“Because,” Zeke says solemnly, “I am his superior, so I might intimidate him. Also, I’ve been told that I’m very handsome.” 

Pieck almost rips off a piece of licorice and pelts it at the commander. She doesn’t, of course. That would be a waste of food. She rolls her eyes instead. “I probably shouldn’t have teased him like that when I barely know him, but I didn’t think he’d be so sensitive.” Pieck takes another bite of her licorice, gagging at the strange mixture of artificial raspberry and bitter licorice taste. She probably shouldn’t have taken another licorice wheel, but she decided it would be an apt punishment. “Do you think we’ll get along well?” 

Zeke shrugs as if it doesn’t matter. He’s surprisingly unconcerned about all this. “It’ll all work out eventually,” he says before giving Pieck a wicked grin. “And if it doesn’t, we can say it’s your fault.” 

“You’re terrible,” Pieck grumbles, sitting back in her chair. 

“I’m sure you’re just overthinking it,” Zeke says reassuringly. He leans forward and looks through the bag of snacks, frowning when he doesn’t find what he’s looking for. “He’s probably just the shy, quiet type. He’ll warm up to us eventually.” 

“Or maybe,” Pieck says, pointing at Zeke, “he’s had enough of us already and ran away.” It seems to be the only logical explanation as to why the man hasn’t returned yet. 

“He probably just went to the bathroom.” 

“That’s an awfully long bathroom break.” 

“It happens,” Zeke says sagely. 

Just then the door swings open and in barges Porco, another bag in his hand. It’s not filled to the brim this time and Pieck and Zeke can only see its contents when Porco haphazardly tosses it between them, peering in curiously to find the sweet sugar crackers that Pieck had spoken about before. They look at him, eyebrows raised, but Porco simply slouches down in his chair, his head hanging so that he doesn’t have to look either of them in the eye. Pieck can’t decide if the man’s just shy or awkward. It could be a combination of both. 

Gingerly, Pieck takes a packet of crackers, holding it up and inspecting it as if seeing the treat for the first time. “Did you,” she asks slowly, “buy this just because I said it was my favorite?” 

“No, of course not,” Porco snaps a little too quickly. He must feel that his response is too harsh because he says, quieter this time, “I just started craving them because you were talking about it earlier. You can have some if you’d like.”

“Thanks,” Pieck says, trying hard not to giggle. He’s both awkward and shy then, she thinks as she rips open the plastic wrap and nibbles on the cracker. And thoughtful. That’s a good trait to have in a teammate. 

Porco grunts in response, taking a pack of crackers of his own and chewing them silently across from Pieck. Zeke, however, does not take any. The commander just frowns at the bag a little unhappily and, after a moment, says, “You didn’t buy any more sausages on your way back?” 

“I’m sorry, sir, I’ll go get some immediately!” Porco says, already getting up to run out of the room. 

Pieck grabs onto his shirt and yanks him back down before he can escape. “Relax, he’s just kidding!” She gestures to the unfinished crackers in his hand. “Eat up.” 

Confused, Porco looks from Pieck and then to Zeke who’s smiling at him rather apologetically. It’s only then that Porco truly relaxes, sitting back against the chair and eating his crackers a little less carefully now, crumbs spilling onto the front of his shirt. 

He’s most definitely awkward, Pieck thinks as she hides her smile behind another bite of cracker, but that’s nothing that she can’t work with. They’ll get along well for sure. 

----------

“When I first met him?” Pieck repeats. She looks up at the ceiling thoughtfully, staring up at the boards that she used to stare at as a child. She then turns her gaze back to Gabi, a mischievous smile on her lips. “Cute.” 

Gabi’s surprised for a moment, the answer unexpected, and then her nose crinkles in an expression that’s almost like disgust. “Cute?” 

“Yes,” Pieck says cheerfully. She wants to giggle at Gabi’s scowl. She probably should have given the girl a more serious answer, but Gabi needs to learn to lighten up a little if she wants to work with others. “Some people think he’s quite handsome, you know.” 

“I guess,” Gabi mumbles, although the frown on her face says that she hasn’t really thought about it. Or maybe she just doesn’t think Porco is handsome. Pieck will have to tell Porco about this. 

“Well, it’s fine if you don’t get along with them immediately,” Pieck tells Gabi. She reaches out to play with the loose strands of hair that are falling out of Gabi’s bun, smiling fondly as she does so. “Just pick someone that you think you can work with well. Someone you can tolerate. And then maybe you’ll learn how to be a team with them. Who knows, you might even become the best of friends.” 

Gabi sulks for a bit and side-eyes Pieck. “Do they have to be ‘handsome’?” 

The elder snorts. “No. It doesn’t matter what they look like.” 

The girl sits there thinking for a bit, mulling over the possible candidates. Her brown eyes flicker over the empty desks in the classroom as she recalls all her classmates. After a bit, she finally says, “I think I’ll work with Falco first.” 

Pieck is only a little surprised. She probably would have picked Zofia - her skillset is more evenly matched to Gabi’s than Falco’s is - but it does make sense that Gabi would choose the boy over Zofia. He isn’t as headstrong as Zofia is and is less likely to clash with the stubborn Braun girl. The two might also make a surprisingly good pair, Pieck thinks. Falco could improve Gabi’s cooperation scores and might also get her used to working with others and Gabi might be able to help the boy improve in all the subjects he’s having trouble with. Pieck definitely approves of the match. 

“I think that would be a good idea,” Pieck says with a smile. She rubs the top of Gabi’s head. “Why don’t you go find him right now? Working on the field is good, but team building is easier if you get along well in your downtime too.” 

Gabi looks a little aggravated, but she gets up anyway. “Fine,” she huffs. The girl grabs her bag and tosses it over her shoulder, her evaluation crumpled in her hand. She maneuvers around Pieck and heads toward the door. She only turns back when her hand is on the knob. Her expression isn’t exactly happy right now - the girl is probably still focused on improving her scores for next term - but she gives Pieck a quick smile and a wave. “Thanks, Miss Pieck. I’ll let you know how it goes.” 

“See you later, Gabi,” Pieck says cheerfully. 

The young Warrior cadet leaves, the door just about to swing shut before someone’s hand reaches out to stop it. Outside, Gabi speaks to someone, but her voice is too quiet for Pieck to pick up the conversation. The other voice is much lower, much more mature, and Pieck realizes just who it is although she can’t hear a word that the speaker is saying. When the speaker steps in, Pieck greets him with a wide smile. 

“Porco.” 

“Pieck,” Porco replies. He raises a hand, showing her a bag that’s less than half-filled with treats. Her friend approaches, dropping the bag onto the table. He takes a seat on the desk, ignoring the many empty chairs around them, and folds his arms across his chest. “Those little gremlins nearly ate everything. I gave Gabi a few biscuits and chips before she left. You’re lucky I still have some things leftover for you.” 

Pieck purses her lips as she takes a peek inside. There are different flavored licorice wheels - strawberry, raspberry, and the original black licorice - and a few packs of sugar crackers. The Titan Shifter takes the crackers, ripping open the wrapper and biting a cracker. It’s nice and sweet and flaky on her tongue. “How blessed I am to have you as a friend,” Pieck hums.

Her companion rolls his eyes as he takes a licorice wheel and bites into it, not bothering to unravel it and eat it in a strand like most other people would. “Blessed is a word for it,” he mumbles. 

Pieck takes another bite, savoring the taste of butter and sugar on her tongue. Truth be told, sugar crackers weren’t really her favorite snack, at least not back then. She had only said that in jest and hadn’t bothered to tell Porco afterward. He had gone through all that trouble to bring the crackers for her that night. It gave her a deeper appreciation for the snack. After she polishes off a pack, she leans forward on the desk, tipping her chin upward so that she can get a better view of Porco. “Porco, what did you think of me when we first met?” 

“What did I think?” Porco repeats. He bites off another piece of the licorice wheel, chewing thoughtfully as he remembers their first meeting. He swallows and answers, “I thought you were weird.” 

Pieck wrinkles her nose. It’s not exactly the answer she was expecting. “Why weird?” 

“You ate, like, three licorice wheels when I first met you,” Porco replies. He finishes his licorice wheel and reaches for a pack of crackers. He pulls one out first and looks at it before licking the sugar crystals on its surface. “Nobody likes licorice that much.” 

“Hmm.” She supposes she won’t tell him the real reason she was eating the licorice wheels. Or the fact that eating all that licorice at once has given her a fondness for the snack now. 

“Why?” Porco asks. “What about you? What was your first impression of me?” 

Awkward. Shy. Endearing. Pieck grins up at him. “I thought you were perfect,” she says.

It’s a comment that might have made him blush in their earlier days together, but now Porco just shoves a cracker in her mouth. “Don’t be weird,” he tells her. He hops off the desk, grabbing the bag of snacks. “Let’s go grab some food now. This stuff is good, but it’s hardly a meal.” 

“Get me my crutches? I think Udo left them leaning against the schoolhouse,” Pieck says. She pushes herself out from her seat and grabs the arm Porco offers her, letting him help her up. She smiles when he reaches over to push her chair in as well as the chair Gabi had left out when she left, and leans against his broad shoulder. 

“What do you feel like eating tonight?” Porco asks as he leads them to the door. 

“Pork?” Pieck says, tilting her head to see how Porco feels about it. 

He nods. “Jägerschnitzel?” he asks. 

Ah, pork cutlets with a crispy breadcrumb crust and chopped mushrooms, a rich gravy sauce poured all over. It’s perfect with a side of steamed beans and mashed potatoes. Pieck’s hungry just thinking about it. She really can’t think of a better meal right now. 

“Perfect,” Pieck says, squeezing Porco’s arm. She looks up at him fondly. “We make a good team.” 

“Yeah,” Porco replies. He pushes open the door for Pieck, letting her go out first before he shuts the door behind them. He collects her crutches for her, handing them to her, and waits as she adjusts herself. “I guess we do.” 

[ihaveneverbeengivenflowers]

(Not so) Random considerations on birth control methods and menstrual cycle

Although absolutely nobody fucking asked, I wanted to talk about my personal experience with birth control pills and menstrual cycle. First of all, let's catch up on how did I get here.

I started taking oral contraceptives (OC) since my mother took me to a gynecologist for the first time. The doctor made me a prescrition because I told her I suffered with cramps during my period. I was about 13 years old.

I kept taking OC every single day for the following 11 years, until I reached 24. Several doctors I passed by along these years changed the dosage and combinations of hormones I took, because each of them gave me a different bunch of adverse effects. Headache, nausea, menstrual cramps, recurrent urinary tract infections, candidiasis, vaginal bleedings... the list goes on.

During my teenage years I found out some women from my mother's family have circulatory problems, from varicose veins to venous thrombosis. There are also cases of cancer possibly induced by sexual hormones. That is: conditions that make OC, especially the combined ones, contraindicated for me. I got worried and decided to come back to the doctor and talk about another options available. The only one that was presented to me was the so called minipills, which are OC made with a single hormone instead of a combination of two. I took it for the following 5 years straight, and it seemed a good idea at the time because I've spent all my life struggling with underweight and anemia. Since the OC completelly suspended my period, I was supposed to be fine.

However, last January I had a major vaginal bleeding, even though I didn't stop taking my OC. I had terrible abdominal pains, and the bleeding continued for almost 10 days straight. Like I said, being underweight didn't improve the situation and my immune system shut down very quickly. Besides, I was having a hard time to keep up with my bills and wasn't covered by any health insurance at that time (I live in Brazil, and for those who are not familiar, things are a little bit different here. Theoretically we do have a public health system, but in real life we can't barely count on it and the access to the private system is kinda surreal for those living with minimum wage).

Well, as soon as I could, I saved enough money to go see a private doctor. I paid for the appointment and a several exams to find out that my bleeding was possibly caused by multiple ovarian cysts. Both of my ovaries were 3 times bigger than the normal size, and the doctor hypothesized that a big one of them (or a few) must have simply ruptured, and that the whole shit was probably induced by the fucking OC.

In summary, the doctor said I had polycistic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Plus, I should stop taking my actual OC and go back to the combined ones. Yeah, those same I was not supposed to take both because of my family history and the previously described adverse effects. He emphasized that was the only treatment available, and that my condition actually had no cure, so I should just take it for the next 30-40 years until I’d reach menopause, while praying for not having cancer or thrombosis or embolia and... well, to die of something else not related with OC.

So, well... I quit. I smiled and waved to the doctor and left the office. I was about to turn 25 and I decided I wasn’t going to take it that way. Now that you’re up to date in the story, let’s move on to where I was really trying to get with this post.

Please note: I ain't no gynecologist nor physician, but nowadays I’m a post-graduate health professional with a couple years of clinical practice. And I think I’m allowed to apply the little knowledge I acquired during 7 years (so far, still counting) of higher education to see through this situation with a tad of criticism. Not only regarding my own case, but regarding the doctors’ position when it comes to women’s reprodutive health - at least in my country. Therefore, let’s consider some key points:

Is there a real need to prescribe OC to young girls aged 13 years or less just because they come to the office complaining about menstrual cramps? During the period the lining of the unfertilized womb is being shed through the vagina. It involves muscular contractions, so of course it might get painful. There’s nothing abnormal about it, so why purging it like a plague instead of teaching them that’s a physiological process and how to relieve the pain in case it happens? Nutritional counseling, physical exercises, simply using a hot-water bottle or even taking an occasional painkiller can totally solve the problem.

The primary aim when taking OC is expected to be, should be, birth control. Yet, they’re frequently prescribed to girls that don’t even have an active sex life because of light acne, oily skin, menstrual cramps and/or intense menstrual flow without any further clinical complications... or just because. You might take it as some conspiracy theory, but you know what it looks like to me? Creating a very profitable market for pharmaceuticals. And nothing more. If women get sick and end up developing cancer or whatever, even better, so more drugs (way more expensive ones) will be sold.

In fact, there are another treatments available for PCOS. But it seems doctors are too lazy, or too comfortable in their position of filling a single standard prescription, that they completely ignore any alternatives. Can you wonder why? Maybe because it requires a minimum of health and sex education, and that takes time. How are they going to be able to attend people in less than 5 minutes if they’ll have to talk to their patients, right? Simply doesn’t worth it. Anyways, again, alternatives include acupunture, homeopathy, phitoteraphy, dietotherapy throught nutritional counseling and regular physical activity. Each case is different, but keep in mind: OC aren’t the only way, indeed, literally speaking they’re not even a treatment because they don’t treat it.

Opening a parenthesis: of course there probably are exceptions and good doctors no matter where. But doctors at public health system are in general unsatisfied with their working conditions and environment, while doctors at the private system usually are anything but well paid by insurance companies. In overall terms, the more academically qualified the doctors get, the less prepared for attending real life demandings in developing countries they are. Also, the less willing to work in such places they are. (If you’d wish to read more about it, I highly recommend seeing Chapter 5 - An example of a paradigm and its social conditions: scientific medicine of La construction de sciences, by Gérard Fourez.)

Still on PCOS topic: first of all, having multiple cyst on one or both ovaries doesn’t necessarily mean PCOS. PCOS, as a syndrome, means there are multiple criteria that need to be fulfilled for closing the diagnostic. In this case, criteria involve imaging exams, symptomatology, clinical and biochemical evaluation. In my case, for instance, PCOS is a diagnosis that simply doesn’t suit my medical history, but no doctor has ever bothered making an anamnesis. I’m not trying to say anybody should go to Dr. Google’s opinion (seriously, don’t), but look out for more information than it’s given to you at the office, even because often none is given.

I know suspending the menstrual cycle can make life much more easier. No worries about pads, unexpected leaks, cramps, PMS etc. But take it from a different perspective for a second. There seems to be a lot of content over the internet nowadays about body positivity, empowerment and tons of so called movements of deconstruction of established paradigms in our society about feminility and feminism. I’ve seen a lot of girls online sharing their experiences on stopping taking OC etc. I don’t know how far it’s good or not, but there’s a point that can be taken from all of it: the menstrual cycle is a natural part of every woman’s reprodutory phase in life. It’s not disgusting, embarrasing or whatever nonsense we’ve been told. And it can be a good way for us to conect with ourselves, to listen to our bodies. Observing symptoms such as pain, fatigue, cravings, emotions, sex drive; checking on cervical mucus, body temperature, hours of sleep... all of this can be part of a daily self-care routine and, moreover, be useful to birth control.

Talking about birth control: I’m genuinely surprised on how much the doctors whom I interacted during my life underrate condoms as a method against unwanted pregnancy. They say out loud that it’s not safe and, unless the conspiracy theory about selling drugs is real, I simply don’t get the reason why they do that. In first place, this is bullshit because condoms are a very effective fisical barrier that prevent even a single spermatozoid from swimming along the vaginal canal and straight up to the womb. Second, there’s no 100% safe method except for sexual abstinence; not even OC + condoms (theoretically not even tubal ligation) are 100% safe, since the human body isn’t a static machine and everything is prone to error. So, yes, opting for non-pharmacological methods of birth control instead of synthetic hormones can be valid.

Obs: condoms work as long as they’re properly stored, used and discarded. But the same can be said about OC and any other contraceptive methods. And, important: choosing a contraceptive method involves not only statistical data on the margin of error of condoms and pills, but also individual phychossocial aspects. In other words: a determined method might not be the doctors’ first option and they might not personally like it, but they can suck it up and use their fucking knowledges to find the best alternative for you.

Again, I’m not trying to encourage you anybody else to contradict their doctors. However, I think that questioning is part of a healthy and constructive process. First because doctors are human beings, therefore they’re as prone to error as anybody else (or even more due to long working hours). Second, because they’re supposed to be the primary source of information for any questions you might have about your own health. Third, because I believe with all my heart that the relationship between health professionals and their patients must include, if not be based in, trust.

[asitrita]

I’m starting to think my French teacher hates me or something. I am sure he has not actually listened to the recording I sent him last week as the activity he would evaluate as the oral test. It consisted in reading a short text in French, and I chose the introduction of the short novel “La Mécanique du Coeur” by Mathias Malzieu. Today I went to talk with him because I failed the written exam, but I wanted to know his opinion on my oral skills, in case I needed to improve that too. He told me I had a horrible pronunciation and that my French was not fluent at all. And I would usually agree on that. But not this time. This time I looked for the pronunciation of every word in the text and practice all of them nonstop before starting recording, I minded the intonation of every sentence, I asked one of my French friends if she thought it was alright, and she said it was actually very good, the best recording I had done so far. Sure, I must have made a lot of mistakes, the nasals, and probably some “s” and infinitive “e”, or even maybe some “u”, but he just told me I just had a really terrible French and that despite all the time I had to prepare the recording, read the text several times, search for the pronunciation, look for the meaning of words I didn’t know, etc, etc, my French was as bad as it was in class. Bitch, there’s literally no way it was. I am not saying it was good. But there is no way that it wasn’t any better to the reading I did in class AT FIRST SIGHT. I recorded it several times till I was satisfied with the result. It was probably not perfect, my French is bad, but there is no way it was that bad, not even remotely. Some of the criticism he gave me was unfounded, he complained about some supposed mistakes and details that are not in the recording at all (mistakes about mispronunciations and pace and so on, he didn't say 'this word' or in 'this particular sentence', he never actually mentioned anything about what the recording was about), and I have listened to it quite a few times trying to find some of the faults he has mentioned, and they are no where to be found. It is so painfully obvious he didn’t listen to it. Either that or it was too good to give me such a bad mark so he just decided to ignore it all together. I just failed because he wanted me to fail. Next year was supposed to be my last year at uni. Obviously now there’s no fucking way it will be. Just great. Thanks a lot.