#the maestros of football

[piotr-zielinski]

Have some Mario Rui in your life!

Source

[notjustagame7]

Rui Manuel César Costa, a true maestro in the field. He was a pure joy to watch !!!

[pernillecfcw]

🥶🥶🥶

[mx-melancholic]

Oh the urge to notify my brother that the new season of Doctor Who has started airing, now that we've lost to Nemo and he's pissed off about them queers already... The voices, the fucking voices,,,,

[virgoilluminati]

Heyyyyyy,

Can I request a Jude imagine where you attend the match where he does his bicycle kick and you’re just so proud of him ? Established relationship

Thank You

The Final Frame

A/N: i remember watching jude scouring that against slovakia and screaming so loud in the pub it was sooo embarrassing 🙈 ✨Apologies this isn't my longest fic, but i lowkey really love it.

Inspo: You and Jude have been together for two years after you helped treat one of his teammates, as the local surgeon. Despite this, you have never been to a single one of his games, as you barely get time off. One day you decide to surprise him with tickets to the semi finals of the champions league and scores the best goal of his career.

The stadium was a cauldron of noise, filled with tens of thousands of passionate fans. The air buzzed with anticipation as Jude's team prepared for their critical Champions League match. The match had been marked on calendars across Europe, but it held a special place in the heart of one particular spectator.

As a surgeon, you had spent countless nights in the operating room, your hands saving lives and mending broken bodies. Your demanding career often kept you from attending Jude's matches, despite the years you'd spent together. But tonight was different. You had managed to clear your schedule, and for the first time, you found yourself in the stands, eager to witness your partner in his element.

You had kept your visit a secret, not wanting to add any pressure on Jude. His focus needed to be entirely on the game, not on the fact that his significant other was watching from the stands for the very first time. As the crowd roared and the players took their positions, you scanned the field, your eyes locking on Jude. His presence was commanding, his focus unwavering. This was where he belonged.

The stadium was a sea of colors, the team’s vibrant jerseys blending with the scarves and flags of the fans. The air was electric, charged with the energy of thousands of voices chanting and cheering. You took a deep breath, the scent of fresh-cut grass and the faint tang of sweat filling your senses. This was a world so different from the sterile, controlled environment of the hospital. Here, everything was raw and alive.

The game began with a blistering pace. You watched in awe as Jude moved across the field with grace and precision. Every pass he made was calculated, every movement purposeful. He was a maestro, orchestrating the flow of the game with a skill that left you breathless. It was one thing to hear about his prowess on the field, but to see it in person was something else entirely.

It was two years ago when you first met Jude. You had just finished a grueling 14-hour surgery and were grabbing a quick coffee in the hospital cafeteria. The cafeteria was nearly empty, the only sounds the hum of the vending machines and the distant chatter of nurses finishing their shifts. You were exhausted, your mind still buzzing from the intensity of the operation. You had just saved a life, but the weight of the responsibility always left you drained.

Jude had been there visiting a teammate who had injured himself during a match. He was sitting a few tables away, and you noticed his easy smile and the way his eyes lit up when he talked about football with his friend. Despite your weariness, you couldn't help but notice how his presence seemed to brighten the room.

"Hey, do you mind if I sit here?" he had asked, holding his coffee.

"Sure," you replied, too exhausted to care about small talk.

He sat down, and for a moment, there was silence. Then he started talking, and you found yourself drawn into his world. He spoke about his passion for the game, his dreams, and his fears. You listened, fascinated by his dedication and drive.

"You must have a really interesting job," he said, glancing at your scrubs.

You smiled wryly. "It's definitely not boring. I'm a surgeon."

His eyes widened with genuine interest. "Wow, that's incredible. It must be so rewarding, saving lives every day."

You shrugged, a modest smile on your face. "It has its moments."

You exchanged numbers that day, thinking it would be nice to have a friend outside the hospital. What started as casual conversations soon blossomed into something more. Late-night phone calls, stolen moments of time together, and shared dreams brought you closer together.

Your heart raced with every near miss, your hands gripping the edge of your seat. The tension was palpable, each moment hanging in the balance. Jude was everywhere, intercepting passes, setting up plays, and directing his teammates. His passion and determination were evident in every stride he took.

As the match wore on, the score remained deadlocked. The stakes were sky-high, with both teams desperate to secure their place in the next round. Your nerves were frayed, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the field. In the final minute, with the game seemingly destined for a draw, Jude made his move.

You remembered the night before your biggest surgery yet. You had been a bundle of nerves, unable to sleep. The surgery was a complex procedure that would test every bit of your skill and knowledge. The clock read 2:00 AM, and despite the late hour, Jude had stayed up with you, talking through your fears and offering words of encouragement.

"You're going to be amazing," he had said, his voice steady and reassuring. "You always are."

"What if something goes wrong?" you had whispered, voicing the fear that had been gnawing at you.

He had taken your hands in his, his touch warm and comforting. "Then you'll handle it, just like you always do," he had replied. "You're one of the best surgeons in the country. You've got this."

He had then shared a story from his own life, a time when he had been under immense pressure. "It was my first big match with the national team," he said, his eyes distant as he recalled the memory. "I was so nervous I could barely think straight. But my coach pulled me aside and told me something that I've never forgotten. He said, 'Nerves are just a sign that you care. Use them to fuel your performance.' And I did. We won that match, and it was one of the best games of my career."

Those words had given you the strength you needed, the reminder that you were capable of overcoming any challenge. You had gone into that surgery the next day with a renewed sense of confidence, and everything had gone smoothly, just as Jude had predicted. Afterward, you had felt a sense of accomplishment that was indescribable, a feeling that Jude had helped you achieve.

A cross came in from the right, the ball arcing through the air towards the penalty box. Jude's eyes never left it. He leaped, his body twisting mid-air in a perfect bicycle kick. Time seemed to slow as his foot connected with the ball, sending it flying towards the goal. The stadium fell silent, the collective breath of thousands held in anticipation.

The ball sailed past the outstretched hands of the goalkeeper and into the net. For a moment, there was stunned silence. Then, the stadium erupted. The noise was deafening, the joy palpable. Jude had done it. He had scored the winning goal, securing his team's place in the next round of the Champions League.

You leaped to your feet, your voice joining the chorus of celebration. Tears of pride and joy filled your eyes as you watched Jude being mobbed by his teammates. He looked up into the stands, his eyes searching, and for a brief moment, they found yours. You weren't sure if he recognized you amidst the sea of faces, but you hoped he felt your pride and love.

After the match, you made your way down to the players' area, your heart still pounding with excitement. The halls were a maze of concrete and metal, the noise from the stadium a distant roar. When Jude finally emerged, his face lit up with surprise and joy at the sight of you. He rushed over, sweeping you into his arms.

"You came," he breathed, his voice a mix of disbelief and happiness.

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world," you replied, holding him close. "You were incredible, Jude. I am so, so proud of you."

He smiled, his eyes shining with emotion. "It means everything to have you here. I can't believe you saw that goal."

You laughed, the sound filled with pure joy. "I've always known you were amazing, but seeing it in person... It's something else."

As you walked together towards the locker rooms, Jude turned to you, his face serious. "I know how hard it is for you to get time off. Thank you for being here. It really means a lot."

You squeezed his hand. "You deserve to have someone here for you. You've always been there for me, Jude. This was the least I could do."

[calciumcryptid]

Fuck it, We Are Internet Famous AU. Let's go-

After his grandfather passed, Q entered a major depressive episode. He was close with his grandfather, a famous artist, who taught him everything he knew. In a way, he was raised more by his grandfather than his parents (although they deeply loved him). Q retains his desire to paint, to make art, but now it is bittersweet and his grandfather's shadow hangs over every studio session.

He starts streaming to the core five group chat to try and get into the groove. Tan, perpetual recorder, recorded the streams. One night, while bored, Tan edited one with inside jokes and references the group found funny. After a collective viewing experience, Chain suggested uploading the video to YouTube and its how Q's YouTube channel (MaestroQ) was born.

Q has two channels. One is for edited down and planned content, while the other contains his live streams. He gains a bit of a reputation as a semi-anti Bob Ross due to his more sarcastic and snarky remarks despite remaining calm throughout. The live streams gain popularity because people use them to fall asleep, and the shorter videos are edited down down to a process-video and a condensed highlight reel. Art has become fun for Q again.

Meanwhile, Fang and Phum have become popular because they are rich and attractive young men who do some modeling on the side. It doesn't help Phum (accidentally) befriended royalty (Damn Beer) and a popular streamer known for gaming (Mick), which increased the brothers fame.

Matt is another popular streamer known for gaming and art streams, and Toey is his roommate who is known through association. The two have been roommates for years, and Toey crashes Matt's streams constantly (which lead to an iconic series where Matt makes Toey play horror games, except Toey is completely unaffected). Toey finds Q's painting streams relaxing and falls asleep to them.

Now where do the ships fit into this?

Simple: TanFang.

In this universe, TanFang met when they were adults, post-graduation. While I don't have the exact details, their first meeting comes about because Tan approaches Fang due to Fang being vaguely familiar to him. Naturally, Tan assumes Fang went to high school wit him and thought he should say hi. Fang didn't, and is displeased about being interrupted for the fifth time that week. Naturally, this leads to some punches being thrown.

Of course, they get passive aggressive about it.

[ Pun here! Q is sorry about the delay, but we had to take Tan to the doctor. He got punched. Don't worry! He is fine! While he is out of commission, I thought I'd show him up with my editing skills! :D ]

Phum makes a post about taking his older brother to the doctor, and Fang follows up about making a smooth recovery.

Tan and Fang end up having their followup checkups on the same day, where they figure out the misunderstanding. Fang offers to treat Tan to lunch since he was the aggressor, and Tan agrees. Soon they are texting everyday, and a month later they are dating.

They soft launch their relationship and everyone in Fang's comments are commenting about it being the "Maestro Q Editor Guy".

It was a moment in social media.

Out of protectiveness and curiosity, Phum looks up the channel Tan edits for. He watches a couple of videos, but doesn't get that far into the catalogue before he goes to play football with Tan. If Phum got a little farther in the catalogue, he might have seen Peem's little side series where he goes to scenic water locations and does landscape paintings alongside Q.

Instead, Phum finds out about Peem the canon way where he accidentally destroys a painting Q and Peem finished for a video (or maybe a video card). Q and Tan watch in awe as Peem loses it on Phum, kicking him in the nuts, then running off.

Cue more passive aggressive vague posting.

(I think it would be funny if Phum and Q had Internet beef but their fans were unable to figure out why. Randomly one day this accidental influencer and the painter started to quote tweet each other.)

At this point, Toey is friends with Fang and Phum (through MickMatt) and gasps when he realizes Phum is why the latest video has been delayed and bullies his pseudo-older brother into apologizing ("I had a restless night of sleep. Why would you do that to me? *lethal puppy eyes*"). Phum, begrudgingly, does through Tan. Peem mocks him a little ("Now was that so hard?") and says Phum will be forgiven if he helps Peem with a video idea.

Phum agrees ("Whatever you say gorgeous.") and Peem uses Phum as a model for a portrait. Afterwards, Phum asks Peem on a date ("Since I am forgiven, can I take you on a date? *lethal puppy eyes*). Peem agrees because he thought Phum wasn't serious only to be thoroughly swept off his feet. Phum can't stop taking pictures of Peem, and he hard launches Peem as his boyfriend. Peem is pretty, and people need to know Phum scored.

It was also a moment in social media.

Afterwards, Peem becomes fond of Toey, and it (finally) clicks for Toey that he can meet Q through Peem and Tan. Tan is ecstatic for their friend groups to officially meet, unaware of Toey's mission. At the meet-up, Toey harnesses the power of the sun directly at Q. Q, naturally, becomes romantically constipated about this.

Toey suggest Matt should do an art stream with Q, and Matt agrees. The live stream goes well, and Q leaves. Toey notices Q left his pencil box behind, and rushes to give it back. After staring at his pencil box for a bit, Q admits he knows Toey has feelings for him but he has never returned anyones romantic desire before (oh no, where did these demiromantic feelings come from?) and he doesn't know what to do. The two promise to take it slow together, and start dating.

Chain and Pun were the first ones who got together in this timeline, because the viewers picked up on the undertones between and it opened Pun's eyes to his feelings being returned.

Mick and Matt were the second couple to get together in this timeline, as they were online gaming rivals who were teamed-up at a convention's live gaming event. After they won, they started dating. Toey has never third-wheeled harder.

[basicallyblank]

Jordan Nobbs: The Unbreakable Footballer.

Jordan Nobbs was once one of the world's best. She was widely renouned for her passing, her pace, and her ability to find the back of the net, from anywhere on the pitch. One of England's brightest talents, she highlighted her dreams of playing in World Cups, Euro's, and her biggest dream of all, the Olympic Games. Jordan looked like England and Arsenal's midfield maestro for years to come, but things don't always work like they're supposed to.

Here's how one of the worlds best midfielders was brought back down to earth.

Jordan started the 2014 season on a high, it was her 4th season in the WSL, and her 4th as an Arsenal player. She'd long since carved out her starting spot, and was one of their best performing players. She played Arsenal's first 4 champions league matches, scoring 4 goals in 4 games, but then picked up a back injury. This left her out of the entirety of Arsenals victorious FA Cup campaign, and left Arsenal struggling at the bottom of the table.

This injury didn't deter her though, as by the end of the season, despite only playing 9 games, she'd score 5 goals, which made her joint top goalscorer that season, alongside Casey Stoney.

In her time out, her absense was noticable, Arsenal had only won 1 in their first 5 games. She was known for her intelligence on the pitch, and without her pulling the strings in midfield, the team suffered.

The 2015 season was important one, it was a World Cup year. The tournament was set to be held in Canada, and Jordan was one of England's best talents that was looking forward to showing what she could do on the worlds biggest stage.

Determined to make the final squad, Jordan slept with a picture of the 2015 World Cup plastered to her TV.

On the 30th of April, in a 0-0 draw with Chelsea, Jordan would pick up a nasty hamstring injury, just a month before the tournament, and her World Cup dreams were looking in doubt. At 22 years old, Jordan looked forward to playing in her first major tournament, having made her debut for the Lionesses in 2013 against Italy.

On the 11th of May 2015, the World Cup squad would be announced, and Jordan's name would be on that list and not only that, she had been named Vice Captain for the tournament. At 22 years old, one of her biggest dreams, to play in a World Cup were coming true, and she would be helping lead her national team in their efforts to glory.

Jordan's legacy was writing it's self, and this looked to be her breakout tournament, she was the breakout player of the WSL, and people couldn't wait to see what she could do on the world's biggest stage.

Jordan would go on to make just 1 appearance at the tournament, in a group stage game against Colombia. Her hamstring injury would make a reappearance, and she wouldn't be able to perform at her usual level.

She'd play the full 90 minutes against Colombia, but would admit she played through 'agonizing' pain, and would have to run over to the dugout to be supplied with pain killers during the match, as she was unable to sprint.

The Lionesses would go on to win bronze in Canada, but Jordan would be left struggling with the fact she wasn't really able to play like she wanted to.

She would later explain in an interview a couple of months later that 'On a personal level, I was really disapointed to have the injury. I felt like I could have made an impact at the tournament and I missed not being out on the pitch with the girls.'.

“Hopefully there will be a lot more tournaments for me to make more of an impact. I want to be a major part of this squad and help us to keep on improving.”

The next few years went perfectly, she was one of the leagues best midfielders, and quickly making her name was one of the worlds best. She was one of the first names on the team sheet, and the future looked like it had been layed out in front of her, all she had to do was take it.

She became Arsenal's vice captain in 2017, and remained England vice captain alongside captain Steph Houghton. England were considered a better team when she played, and Jordan was ready to prove that she was the determining factor in the squad. The next major tournament was taking place soon, she was ready to redeem herself for what happened in the 2015 World Cup, in the 2019 World Cup that was being held in France.

Jordan started the 2018/19 season with a bang, in her first 10 appearances in all competitions she had scored 9 goals, she was on top of her game, and it was going to take something tremendous to slow her down now.

On the 18th of November, Arsenal would face Everton in the league. The match would end 4-0 to the Gunners, and Jordan would score in the 49th minute, a goal that would see her go to the top of the All-Time WSL top goalscorers list.

In the 82nd minute, Jordan would go in to challenge Chloe Kelly for the ball. However, she would fall to the floor with a non contact injury, after being seen by the medical staff and being supplied with oxygen on the pitch, she would be stretchered off the pitch and the captains armband would be passed to Leah Willamson.

With only 8 months to go until the World Cup, the anxious wait for test results began, as another major tournament hung in the balance for Jordan.

On the 20th of November, a statement would be released regarding Jordans injury. She had torn her ACL, and would be out for atleast 8 months. Jordan would completely miss the 2019 World Cup, and she was now out for the rest of the season.

It was the toughest blow for Jordan, but the hard work was only just beginning, she had been looking forward to proving herself on footballs biggest stage after it wasn't to be in the 2015 World Cup, at 26, she had just been entering her prime.

She stated in her documenatary 'Jordan Nobbs: Heartbreak and Healing' that she had felt 'very tired' leading up to the game and that as soon as she felt the 'pop' in her knee 'there wasn't a doubt that I'd done something serious.' and knew immediately that she wouldn't be at the World Cup in the summer.

Whilst she begun her rehabilitation, the BBC gave her an offer that felt like a lifeline, an oppurtunity to still be in France supporting England. They invited her to be a pundit during the England games, joining the likes of ex team mate Alex Scott and swapping the football boots for a microphone. She also did a column for 90 minute magazine, wanting to support the Lionesses in anyway she could.

Speaking in an interview with SportBible about being a pundit for the tournament, she said 'I think if I was going over there just to watch the games, I just couldn’t do it. It is heartbreaking to not be on the pitch and to think about what I could be doing if I wasn’t injured. For me to focus on a media job role, it allows me to still be a part of everything but it gives me something solid to focus on. I’ve been doing bits and pieces on the media side throughout my career so it doesn’t feel too daunting and perhaps the injury has been a blessing in disguise as it’s opened up this opportunity to still be involved in the World Cup through a slightly different lens than normal.'

That season, Arsenal would go on to win their first WSL title in 6 years, Jordan would lift the trophy alongside captain Kim Little after winning against a Man City team who had gone unbeaten.

Whilst the 2019 Women's World Cup kicked off in France, Jordan was looking forward to entering the final stages of her rehab, the start of the new season was her goal, Arsenal had a WSL championship to defend.

On the 25th of August 2019, 295 days after she had torn her ACL, Arsenal would play a BCD friendly against Tottenham Hotspur. She'd come off the bench for the game and score on her first touch, Arsenal would go on to win the match 6-0, and the Jordan Nobbs come back was well underway.

She would make her WSL comeback on the 8th of September as a substitute for Vicki Schnaderbeck in a 2-1 game against West Ham. She'd go on to make 28 appearances for Arsenal in her comeback season, scoring 8 goals across all competitions.

Jordan Nobbs was officially back, and she was ready to prove her worth. She'd have to fight for her place in a packed Arsenal midfield, that boasted the likes of Kim Little, Danielle Van De Donk, Jill Roord, and an injured Lia Walti who was making her way back to full fitness.

Disaster would strike again, as just when she was finding her rhythm back and getting into good form, the Covid-19 pandemic would cause the WSL to end early in March, this would result in a third place finish for Arsenal, and an even longer wait for Jordan.

In April 2020, she would go on to sign a new contract with the Gunners. “Arsenal is my everything now,” said Jordan after putting pen to paper. “I think football has overtaken my life since the age of seven, but I think I’ve got Arsenal in my blood now and I’m very proud to say that. I think I’ve got some great years to come.”.

She believed that signing a new contract with Arsenal would be the best step going forward, Arsenal had become her home, and this was the key into getting back to where she was in Winter 2018, back to being one of the best, at the club that knew her best.

She had her sights set on the next big thing, the Tokyo Olympics. They would start in the summer of 2021, and after making it onto the initial 30 player Team GB squad in 2012, but then not making the cut and then Team GB not qualifying at all for Rio in 2016, Jordan was prepared to work in order to achieve one of her biggest dreams.

She would end the 2020/21 season making 20 appearances for Arsenal and scoring 7 goals in all competition. Internally, Jordan felt unsure of herself, she had been played on the left wing all season, which wasn't her ideal position, preferring to excel in central midfield, but she would play wherever the team needed her to.

Hege Riise would be the woman in charge of taking Team GB to the Olympics that year, an interim coach after the departure of Phil Neville.

The season would end on the 7th of May, the anxious wait for a call began, as the squad list would be announced later in the month.

On the 27th of May, the 19 player list would be announced; Jill Scott, Ellen White, Leah Williamson, Lucy Bronze would all be named as apart of the squad, Jordan would not, she wouldn't even make it onto the reserves list.

Alex Greenwood and Beth Mead were among the shock emissions from Team GB. In an article from The Athletic, they stated that in a bid to not include Jordan in the squad, Team GB would be 'weaker for it'.

Speaking on it in an interview with Arseblog, Jordan reflected 'If I had played in central midfield a bit more, maybe I would have got in; but I definitely think I could have improved or helped the team, given the chance.', Team GB would go on to be beaten by Australia 4-3 in the Quater finals.

Jordan didn't have long to dwell on the disapointment of not making the team, as the next major tournament was in sight, and this one was extra special.

A home Euros. Games would be played up and down the country, with the final being at Wembley stadium. A dream for any footballer.

Arsenal and England would also have new managers. Arsenal would employ Jonas Eidevall, previously of FC Rosengård, and England would take on Sarina Weigman, previously of the Netherlands, which of whom she had won the previous Euro's, and had made it to the World Cup final in 2019.

This was 2 managers she would now have to prove herself to, they would both bring a different vision and Jordan knew she would have to work hard to have any place for club and country, but disaster would strike before it had all even began.

Ahead of the 21/22 season, Arsenal would play a preseason friendly against Chelsea at Emirites stadium. After enduring a tackle from Erin Cuthbert, her ankle would buckle awkwardly and she had to be stretchered off the pitch. Scans would later reveal that she had damaged the ligaments in her right ankle, and despite previous fears that she would be out for 4 months, the injury wasn't as severe as first thought and she would be out for 2 months.

Speaking to Arseblog News about the injury in November 2021, she said it was still really bad timing because I was raring to go for the season and that all took a knock. That injury really felt like the final mental hurdle that I could take, it really knocked me back quite a bit.

“I have worked hard with every setback though and I believe that will pay off. I’ve worked hard every time. It was tough, especially when I thought the injury might be worse, I was just thinking ‘oh my God, this is not happening again?’ Touch wood,” she says, tapping her head, “I am back fit now though and I have a lot of opportunity to shine with Arsenal.”.

That season, she'd go on to make 27 appearances for the Gunners. She'd go on to mark her 250th appearance in a 4-2 victory against Birmingham City as she'd be a stoppage time substitute. She would also score her 50th goal in a game against Everton.

Things were going well for Jordan at this stage, her body was feeling good and she felt ready to compete for a place at Euro 2022.

She was still getting regular England call ups from Sarina Weigman, speaking in an England article about looking towards the Euro's, she said, “I am not looking too far ahead because of what has happened in the past but I have to focus on what I can do and that is performing and playing well.”.

Could she finally be getting redemption ? Jordan had played in Euro 2017, where they would get knocked out by eventual winners the Netherlands after being defeated 3-0 in the Semi Finals. Could she help bring it home in a home Euro's ?

On may 1st, Arsenal would face Aston Villa in the penultimate game of the WSL, things were heated in the title race, with Arsenal in for a chance to get their hands on the trophy for the first time in 3 years.

Jordan would come on in the 73rd minute as a substitute for Vivianne Miedema. She'd only be on the pitch for 12 minutes.

She'd be running with the ball, when suddenly, she'd pull up and drop to the floor. She'd get back up, but it was noticable that she wasn't comfortable and was having severe issue with her knee/ankle. She'd play on for a short while, visibilly getting emotional, she knew what an injury at this stage would mean for her Euro's hopes, and possibily the future of her career, it had been a tough season for her in terms of game time, what message would this send to the manager ? She hadn't had an injury free season in years, and the fact she wasn't playing regular football was making her more susceptible to injury.

She'd hop and jog around the pitch for a little while longer,former team mate Fara Williams on commentary saying 'I really hope she's sensible here if she's hurt, she needs to make the right decision. She'll try and fight through because she's missed major tournaments through injuries and I'm sure thats playing on her mind.'.

She'd eventually come off, in tears and looking heartbroken. As she got a standing ovation from the fans, in commentary they were saying the thought that was on everyones mind, 'I wonder if this could be a farewell [...] her future not certain at this club, the club that she loves, the club she's been with for so long.'

Could this be a goodbye for Jordan ? The anxious wait for test results began. Yet again.

On the 17th of may 2022, it would be announced that Jordan would be out for the remainder of the season, and would also be out of contention for the European Championships that summer.

Once again, Jordan threw everything behind the Lionesses that summer. She partnered up with JustEats 101 initiative, that was helping to fund grassroots teams and making football more accessible to women and girls.

By July 19th, she was back on the grass and training on Arsenal pitches.

Speaking in an interview, she said 'Naturally I wanted to fight for a spot in the squad [...] I've been there, done that, even though it's not the situation I want to be in. I won't ever shy away from tough times of my career that mentally I've struggled with.'

She would attend the games alongside her fellow Arsenal team mates, cheering on her team every step of the way. She knew her role, she'd been here before.

England won the Euro's and the 22/23 season was almost here, it would be Jordan's 12th season with Arsenal.

The season begun with a 4-0 win against Brighton on the 16th of September, Jordan wouldn't appear in this match, this was soon a noticable pattern. She didn't start a game until the 27th of October against Zurich, where she scored a goal that was named Arsenal's goal of 2022. She would then be brought on in the next game against West Ham after an injury to Kim Little, she'd score after 90 seconds with her first touch of the game.

This brought her to be called up by the lionesses, but she'd have to pull out due to a small injury. Fans believed the Jordan Nobbs Revenge Tour was well underway, Jordan would start the next 3 games, getting a good amount of minutes.

She'd make a league appearance as a substitute against Aston Villa, scoring Arsenals 500th WSL goal in a 4-1 win. She would make her final appearance for Arsenal in a Champions League group stage math against Zurich, she'd come on in the 62nd minute and play what fans didn't know was her last Arsenal match.

She'd come off the pitch crying, and this was all the fans needed to know, now they just had to wait for the inevitable.

On January 5th 2023, it was announced that Jordan would depart Arsenal after 12 years with the club. In an open letter, she wrote 'I’m leaving the love of my life behind and that’s something really quite scary for me. But I’ve got no regrets in my mind because it’s been the perfect fairytale and I’ve achieved everything I ever wanted to and a whole lot more. 270 appearances, 81 goals, three WSL titles, four FA Cups? Where did the time go? I think a 17-year-old Jordan would have been very happy with that. It’s very rare these days to stay at a club for such a long time, and quite simply, there’s no other club I would have rather done it at.'

Jordan's departure left a bitter taste in fans mouths, it was later revealed that she had tried to leave the club during the summer, but the club had asked her to stay. A few felt she had been mistreated by the club in the last few years, but Jordan knew that this was a decision she had to make for herself, and ultimately, her career. She was going to Australia in the summer no matter what.

She had a successful last half of the season with Aston Villa, with them having their highest finish in the WSL yet, 5th. Jordan would score 4 goals for them, a hattrick (her first ever) against Brighton, and then 1 against West Ham. She'd suffer a knock towards the end of the season, to which herself and the club thought it would be best to end her season there. She wasn't willing to risk jeporadising her spot on the World Cup squad.

On the 31st of May 2023, Sarina Weigman announced her 23 player squad that would go to the World Cup, Jordan's name would be on that list.

She had fought her way back onto the international stage, putting on exceptional performances at Aston Villa, after missing the last 2 major tournaments as well as the Olympics, Jordan felt rejuvanised.

'I'm still waking up now with the butterfly feeling. Everyone dreams of playing in major tournaments.'

As we now come to the end of the 23/24 season, Jordan has played 1375 minutes for Aston Villa this season, and started 16 games, Scoring 2 goals and getting 2 assists. She has been without injury all season, being one of the only Villa players to do so.

She's carved her name into WSL history books, she's the only player to score in every WSL season, she's never lost in a game where she's scored. She is the only player to make an appearance in every WSL season. She's also 2nd in the all time WSL appearance holders list. She has the highest number of wins with one club (Arsenal, 121)

Although she isn't the player she was once, she's had to slow down due to her injury issues and has had to adapt her playing style in an attempt to avoid injury, added on to the fact that she is 31 years old now, she's still full of energy and has been one of Villa's best players this season, playing out of position at DM.

It's hard to see her getting called up for England again, even as the curent longest serving Lioness, it felt like we only had her for a brief moment, and then she was gone.

Her career didn't go the way it was supposed to, one of the worlds best has been reduced to a classic case of a talent ruined by injuries, but she remains positive. She now enjoys her football again, getting consistent minutes and seeing out the final years of her career.

She leaves a legacy to be proud of, and i hope she is.

[spanishskulduggery]

Most Essential Vocabulary #2

Part 2 of Most Essential Vocab, as always I’ll include notes when I think something needs more explaining and I’ll point out regionalisms when I know them. 

And if anyone has any alternate words/regionalisms they know of for things, please let me know - it helps me and everyone else too!

...I also REALLY overdid it with the food categories, but it’s pretty much the majority of things you can find in a grocery store, market, or supermarket as far as food... except for more specific things like names of fish (which I don’t always know myself, and isn’t THAT essential unless you go to the fishmonger a lot)

-

Occupations [Los Oficios]

I’ll be including the male and female forms of things - anything with just one form is unisex

Note: Pretty much anything with -ista in it is unisex, even if it ends in A; as an example el artista or la artista. 

trabajador, trabajadora = worker [n] trabajador(a) = hard-working [adj]

abogado, abogada = lawyer abogado/a defensor(a) / la defensa = defense lawyer / defense fiscal / abogado/a de la acusación = prosecutor [generally in a trial it’s the abogado/a “attorney/lawyer” or la defensa as a general term, and then you have el/la fiscal “prosecutor”... who is also technically abogado/a but a different function]

doctor, doctora = doctor

médico, médica = doctor [specifically medicine]

maestro, maestra = teacher [lit. “master”; it is often used with teachers that cover multiple subjects and pre-college/university... usually a maestro/a tends to teach younger children, or they’re a “master” or “teacher” in martial arts or music]

el profesor, la profesora = professor [more common in university and for people who are more experts or who have specialized learning degrees]

hombre de negocios, mujer de negocios = businessman/businesswoman

artista = artist

músico, música = musician [not to be confused with la música “music” by itself which is a noun]

dentista = dentist

sastre = tailor

albañil = builder, construction worker [lit. “bricklayer”; this is sometimes the word for “mason” and general construction work and those working with stone, brick, or cement]

contratista = contractor 

granjero, granjera = farmer

cocinero, cocinera = cook

chef = chef

camarero, camarera = waiter, waitress / server* mesero, mesera = waiter, waitress / server [more Latin America]

panadero, panadera = baker [specifically el pan “bread”]

pastelero, pastelera = baker [specifically cakes or pastry; as la pasta means “dough/pastry” and los pasteles are “cakes”]

carnicero, carnicera = butcher

cazador, cazadora = hunter [la cazadora could also be “huntress” if you’re feeling fancy]

leñador, leñadora = woodcutter / lumberjack, “lumberjill”

mago, maga = magician [or “mage” if you’re playing an RPG; usually mago/a in the real world means someone who does illusions or card tricks etc]

científico, científica = scientist

químico, química = chemist [someone working with chemicals]

farmacéutico, farmacéutica = pharmacist / chemist [UK]

biólogo, bióloga = biologist

pescador, pescadora = fisher

marinero, marinera = sailor

cartero, cartera = postal worker, courier, “mailman” / “mailwoman”

soldado = soldier

atleta = athlete

nadador, nadadora = swimmer

jugador / jugadora (de algo) = player (of something) [in some contexts el juego “game” or jugador, jugadora can be “gambling” and “gambler”]

futbolista = football player / soccer player

beisbolista = baseball player

luchador, luchadora = fighter / wrestler

electricista = electrician

informático, informática = computer tech, IT [internet tech] person [la informática is the general word for “computer sciences” - so anyone who deals with computer things is often called informático/a]

programador, programadora = programmer

plomero, plomera = plumber [Latin America in general] fontanero, fontanera = plumber [Spain and parts of Mexico and Central America] gasiftero, gasfitera = plumber [parts of South America]

técnico, técnica = technician [also sometimes someone who repairs things; it’s not just “tech expert”, it could be very widely applied]

policía = police officer

autor, autora = author

escritor, escritora = writer

dramaturgo, dramaturga = playwright

actor, actriz = actor / actress [sometimes actresses use actor for themselves as a way to distance themselves from the gender of it all; but in general you see actor/actriz and los actores “actors”... saying las actrices specifically refers to “actresses”]

poeta, poetisa = poet [we rarely use “poetess” in English today but it exists]

escultor, escultora = sculpter

pintor, pintora = painter

contable = accountant [I think Spain] contador, contadora = accountant [more Latin America; lit. “counter”]

político, política = politician

juez (sometimes jueza in feminine) = judge

banquero, banquera = banker, bank worker

cajero, cajera = cashier / clerk / teller (at a bank) [cajero/a really means “someone who operates the cash register” but la caja “box” is also applied to la caja fuerte “safe” or “strongbox” so it applies to bank tellers as well; anytime there’s a cash register involved, you’re probably dealing with a cajero/a]

dependiente, dependienta = retail worker, sales clerk

el dueño, la dueña = owner / landlord, landlady

propietario, propietaria = owner, property owner

jefe, jefa = boss

asesor, asesora = consultant

consejero, consejera = advisor, consultant, counselor / councilor (someone serving on a council)

gerente, gerenta = manager manager / mánager = manager

empleado, empleada = employee

*Note: camarero/a by itself is often used as “waiter/waitress” but in some places it means “maid” as in the person who cleans up rooms in a hotel. This is because camarero/a originally meant “chamberlain” related to la cámara “bedroom/chamber” or la cama “bed” - a camarero/a would attend to someone like their personal servant and in older works it meant an adviser or someone who oversaw an important person’s appointments and sometimes coordinated their outfits or oversaw the other staff.

It came to be “waiter/waitress” in inns and hotels and the noble houses where someone might be coordinating your sleeping arrangements and also making sure you were fed, possibly serving you themselves

Today, camarero/a is often your “server” in (I think?) Spain, but in other places they’re the people cleaning up after you at a hotel. To the best of my knowledge, the cleaning crew is typically el criado or la criada “servant” - but often la criada means “maid”, both in history and today............. and outside of Batman you rarely are going to see el mayordomo “butler” used, but just in case, there it is

The term mesero/a is directly related to la mesa “table” so they’re specifically the person bringing things to and from the table which no added meanings. To the best of my knowledge this is more common in Latin America; and your camarero/a is probably the cleaning crew

*Note 2: The word músico/a for “musician” is the umbrella term. Most instruments have their own word and frequently end in -ista... such as pianista “pianist”, flautista “flautist” / “flute player”, or baterista “drummer”, as well as guitarrista “guitar player” and bajista “bass player”

You’ll find more specific terms for specific sports, activities, and other skills. Many end in -ista, and some like martial arts have specific works themselves

~

el oficio = occupation / job, job title

el puesto = position

el hueco = vacancy [lit. “a hollow/empty spot” or “gap”; can refer to jobs or empty spaces in schedules/calendars, or it can mean “a hollow” of a tree or a “gap” in something]

el trabajo = job / work

la labor = labor, work [used both for working hard and childbirth]

trabajar = to work

laborar / laburar = to work [regional; especially common in South America or Río de la Plata]

el tajo = “work”, “workplace” [I think this is regional; lit. el tajo is “a slice” or “slash”]

la oficina = office

el bufete = firm [usually law firm]

la compañía = company

la empresa = enterprise

el despacho = office (someone’s personal office; usually for teachers or bosses; this is not the “office” you typically work in, this is someone’s private workspace)

Also worth pointing out - somewhat related - that a “doctor’s office” is frequently el consultorio. It’s specifically the place you go to for a consulta “examination” or “medical exam”; so it’s more the actual building. In some places you will see “the doctor’s” referred to as la clínica “clinic” or “doctor’s (office)”; and in some places el hospital although this is very regional as sometimes el hospital or la clínica can carry different connotations of being privately owned or not

-

Buildings and the City [Los Edificios y la Ciudad]

el edificio = building

el rascacielos = skyscraper [lit. “scratches skies”]

el pueblo = town / population (people)

la aldea = village, small town

la ciudad = city

la calle = street / road

el callejón = alley

el coche, el carro, el auto = car [all are regional, all make perfect sense to everyone but they are regionally preferred - Spain tends towards coche, Latin America in general prefers carro, and parts of South America use auto]

la carretera, la autopista = highway

la acera = sidewalk [semi-related la acera is also used in many expressions related to sexually; ser de la otra acera or ser de la acera de enfrente tend to mean “to play for the other team” as in “to be gay”, and literally they mean “to be from the other sidewalk” or “to be from the opposite sidewalk”]

la escuela = school

el instituto = institute / high school [regional]

el colegio = high school [regional]

la universidad = university, college, academy

el banco = bank [el banco can also be “bench” in some places]

el mercado = market, marketplace

el supermercado, el súper = supermarket

la biblioteca = library

la farmacia = pharmacy la droguería = pharmacy [regional]

el hospital = hospital

la clínica = doctor’s office / clinic

la estación = station la estación de tren = train station la estación de policía / la comisaría = police office

el andén = platform

el ayuntamiento = town hall, city hall

la iglesia = church

el catedral = cathedral

la mezquita = mosque

el templo = temple

la sinagoga = synagogue 

el parque = park el parque de diversiones = theme park

el monumento = monument

la galería (de arte) = art gallery

la peluquería = hair salon, hairdresser’s

el bufete = law firm

la oficina = office

la fuente = fountain

la estatua = statue

el aeropuerto = airport

el puerto = port

el barco = ship

el muelle / los muelles = docks, wharf

el autobus, el bus = bus

el taxi = taxi

el restaurante = restaurant

el café = cafe

la granja = farm

la finca, la hacienda = estate / plantation [sometimes “farm” but in the sense of “this is the main house on the farmlands”]

la pastelería = bakery (cakes/sweets)

la panadería = bakery (bread)

el centro comercial = shopping center / mall

la librería = bookstore 

el castillo = castle

el palacio = palace

la fábrica = factory

el taller = workshop / art studio

el estadio = stadium

el correo / los correos / la oficina de correos = post office [kinda regional, but el correo is “mail” so it all makes sense regardless]

la tienda = store [la tienda literally means “tent”, so you will see it as la tienda de camping “tent (for camping)” as well; this is because people’s shops used to be outside and covered in awnings or tents, or they could be mobile and they’d set up tents to sell goods]

el almacén = department store [lit. “warehouse”]

el museo = museum

el teatro = theater

el cine = movie theater, “the movies”

el acuario = aquarium

el planetario = planetarium el observatorio = observatory

la torre = tower

la fortaleza = fortress

el portal = gate [or “portal”]

la puerta = door

la ventana = window

el cristal = window [lit. “crystal”, but el cristal is commonly used for “a pane of glass” and “windows” in general; it may also refer to “glass” in general... the other word for “glass” is el vidrio which is sometimes more formal or the material, but el cristal can be the glass part of clocks, watches, compasses, etc]

la casa = house

el hogar = home

-

In the Kitchen [En la Cocina]

la sal = salt

la pimienta = pepper

el azúcar = sugar

la miel = honey

el agua = water [technically feminine noun]

la grasa = fat

la harina = flour la harina de maíz / la maicena = cornstarch

el ácido = acid

el aceite = oil el aceite de oliva = olive oil el aceite de girasol = sunflower oil el aceite de cártamo = safflower oil el aceite de sésamo = sesame oil el aceite vegetal = vegetable oil el aceite de cacahuete/maní = peanut oil el aceite de coco = coconut oil el aceite de aguacate = avocado oil

el vinagre = vinegar

el huevo = egg

la yema = yolk

la clara (de huevo) = egg white 

la tortilla = omelet

[when it’s not the tortillas you see in more Latin American food, a tortilla refers to “omelet”; literally a tortilla refers to “turned/twisted” from torcer, so it originally meant something that was flipped halfway through, or partially folded]

la tortilla de papa / patata = potato omelet [EXTREMELY common dish in Spain] la tortilla española = Spanish tortilla / potato omelet

la tortilla de maíz = corn tortilla la tortilla de harina = flour tortilla

Vegetables [Los Vegetales]

los vegetales = vegetables las verduras = vegetables, greens

la lechuga = lettuce

el tomate = tomato

la zanahoria = carrot

la cebolla = onion

el puerro = leek

el apio = celery

el ajo = garlic el diente de ajo = garlic clove [lit. “tooth of garlic”]

la papa = potato = Latin America la patata = potato [Spain]

(las) papas/patatas fritas = (French) fries / chips [UK] [lit. “fried potatoes”]

la batata = sweet potato el camiote = sweet potato [Central America] el boniato = sweet potato [usually more Rio de la Plata]

la alcachofa = artichoke

la col / el repollo = cabbage

el brócoli = broccoli [has some other regional spellings like brécol or bróculi but generally the same sound-ish]

la coliflor = cauliflower

la col rizada, el repollo rizado = kale [lit. “curly cabbage”] la berza = kale

la calabaza = pumpkin

el calabacín = squash / zucchini / gourd

la berenjena = eggplant, aubergine

el pepino = cucumber

el pimiento = bell pepper [regional]

el chile / el ají = chile pepper

el aguacate = avocado

el hinojo = fennel

la aceituna = olive [regional but the most standard] la oliva = olive [regional]

el hongo = mushroom la seta = mushroom el champiñón = mushroom [all regional but all mostly make sense to everyone else; I believe champiñón is more common in Spain]

el guisante, los guisantes = pea, peas

el nabo = turnip

el rábano = radish

la remolacha = beet el betabel = beet [regional] la betarraga = beet [regional]

la espinaca = spinach

Meat and Fish [La Carne y El Pescado]

la carne = meat / flesh

el pollo = chicken / poultry

el pavo = turkey

el puerco / el cerdo = pork [or “pig”]

el jamón = ham

la salchicha = sausage

el res / (la) vaca = beef [la vaca being “cow”]

la hamburguesa = hamburger

la ternera = veal

el bistec = steak

el lomo (de algo) = loin [usually el lomo de res or el lomo de puerco]

el solomillo = sirloin

el filete = fillet

la albóndiga = meatball [depending on region the exact kind differs, but in general las albóndigas are some kind of meatballs]

el conejo / la liebre = rabbit / hare

la rana = frog

el caracol, los caracoles = snails

el pescado = fish

el bacalao = cod

el salmón = salmon

la platija / el lenguado = flounder

el atún = tuna

la trucha = trout

la pez espada = swordfish

la perca = perch

el esturión = sturgeon

la merluza = hake

el abadejo = pollock

la anguila = eel

la anchoa / el boquerón = anchovy

la sardina = sardine

la almeja = clam

el mejillón = mussel

la ostra = oyster

el calamar = squid

el pulpo = octopus

la vieira = scallop [many regional names here, just saying]

el camarón = shrimp la gamba = prawn, shrimp [both generally mean the same thing, but they are more regional; a gamba is typically bigger in my experience but because they look the same they get used as the same general thing]

el marisco, los mariscos = shellfish, seafood [general term; if you’re being specific, los mariscos mean “anything from the sea”, but if you’re differentiating fish and shellfish you use el pescado for “fish” and los mariscos for “shellfish”]

Dairy [Los Lácteos]

el lácteo, los lácteos = dairy products

la leche = milk

la nata = cream  la crema = cream [more or less the same, but some places use one more than the other; everyone understands it though]

el queso = cheese

el yogur = yogurt

la mantequilla = butter la manteca = lard

Starches and Legumes [Los Almidones y Las Legumbres]

el almidón = starch

el maíz = corn

la empanada = empanada / fried dumpling [lit. “covered in bread”, so it can be many things that are covered in dough; I’ve even seen “pot pie” called empanada]

el pan = bread la hogaza = loaf (of bread)

la miga / la migaja = breadcrumb

el trigo = wheat

la avena = oat

los cereales = cereal / grains

el arroz = rice

la pasta = pasta [sometimes “dough”]

el espagueti, los espaguetis = spaghetti

el ñoqui = gnocci

la lasaña = lasagna

los fideos = noodles

la legumbre, las legumbres = legumes

la lenteja, las lentejas = lentils

el frijol, los frijoles = beans la habichuela, las habichuelas = beans la alubia, las alubias = beans la judía, las judías = beans [they all kind of mean “beans”, it’s all regional but frijoles makes me think of Mexico or some parts of Latin America; typically they add a color to specify... so you might see las judías OR las habichuelas verdes for “green beans”, or you might see las habichuelas rojas or los frijoles rojos for “red beans” or “kidney beans”; everyone mostly knows what you’re talking about, don’t worry]

Fruits [Las Frutas]

la fruta = fruit

la manzana = apple

la naranja = orange la mandarina = Mandarin oranges / oranges

el melocotón = peach [Spain] el durazno = peach [Latin America]

la cereza = cherry

el coco = coconut

la piña = pineapple

el albaricoque = apricot [Spain] el damasco = apricot [Latin America] el chabacano = apricot [Mexico]

la uva = grape

la toronja = grapefruit

la fresa = strawberry [in general] la frutilla = strawberry [in some countries; fresa in some countries can be “posh” or “rich”]

la frambuesa = raspberry

la mora = mulberry / blueberry [sometimes la mora azul]

el arándano (azul) = blueberry

el arándano rojo = cranberry

la baya = berry

el higo = fig

el dátil = date

el melón = melon

la sandía = watermelon

la ciruela = plum la ciruela pasa = prune 

la pasa, las pasas = raisins [la pasa can refer to any kind of dried fruit, usually it’s “raisins” meaning la uva pasa “raisins” from grapes, or la ciruela pasa “prune” from plums]

el limón = lemon

la lima = lime [sometimes it’s limón for “lime”; it’s very confusing and regional]

la banana = banana el banano = banana [regional; sometimes “banana tree”]

el plátano = plantain / banana [regional]

Nuts [Los Frutos Secos]

los frutos secos = nuts [lit. “dry yieldings”; where fruto as “fruit” refers to anything that a plant produces or “bears”]

el maní / el cacahuete = peanut

la castaña = chestnut

la nuez = walnut

el pistacho = pistachio

el anarcado / la castaña de cajú = cashew

la almendra = almond

la avellana = hazelnut

la semilla = seed

la semilla de girasol = sunflower seed

la semilla de calabaza = pumpkin seed la pipa = pumpkin seed [Spain; la pipa is just “pip” or “seed”] la pepita = pumpkin seed [Mexico; it’s a specific type, but in general la pepita can be a pumpkin seed or a small seed]

la mantequilla/crema de (algo) = butter (of some kind) la mantequilla/crema de cacahuete/maní = peanut butter la mantequilla/crema de almendra = almond butter

Herbs and Spices [Las Hierbas y Las Especias]

la hierba = herb [or “grass”]

la hoja = leaf

el tallo = stem, stalk

la albahaca = basil

el laurel, la hoja de laurel = bay leaf, laurel

el perejil = parsley

el orégano = oregano

la salvia = sage

el romero = rosemary

el tomillo = thyme

el eneldo = dill

el cilantro = cilantro / coriander 

la especia = spice

la corteza = bark (of a tree) / crust (of bread/cake)

la raíz = root

la canela = cinnamon

el jengibre = ginger

el clavo = clove [or “nail” or “hoof” in general]

la pimienta = pepper (spice)

la pimienta de Jamaica = allspice [lit. “Jamaica pepper”]

el cardamomo = cardamom

la cúrcuma = turmeric

la nuez moscada = nutmeg

el cilantro = coriander / cilantro

la (semilla de) mostaza = mustard (seed)

molido/a = ground en polvo = ground [lit. “in dust (form)”]

el polvo de ajo = garlic powder el polvo de cebolla = onion powder el polvo de chile/ají = chili powder el polvo de curry = curry powder

la paprika = paprika [often the Hungarian sweet kind] el pimentón = paprika [often the spicy Spanish kind, commonly the spice for chorizo, but pimentón can also be used for “bell pepper” in some places]

la sal = salt la sal marina = seasalt la sal en escamas = flakey salt [lit. “salt in scales”; the escamas are “scales” for fish or reptiles, but en escamas is often the term for “flaked” or “flakey”]

Other Things [Otras Cosas]

el condimento = condiment 

la mayonesa = mayonnaise

el ketchup, el catsup = ketchup

la mostaza = mustard

la salsa = sauce / salsa la salsa de tomate = tomato sauce la salsa béchamel / el béchamel = bechamel sauce, cream sauce la salsa de soja = soy sauce

la soja = soy 

el vino = wine el vino tinto = red wine el vino blanco = white wine

el jerez = sherry

la cerveza = beer / ale

la mezcla = mix, mixture

la vinagreta = vinaigrette / salad dressing el aderezo (de ensalada) / el arreglo (de ensalada) = salad dressing [el aderezo may also mean “condiments” or “fixings” for other foods, but specifically for salads it’s “dressing”]

el puré = puree / mash, “mashed” / blended (el) puré de papa/patata = mashed potatoes (el) puré de manzana = applesauce [also la compota de manzana which is “apple compote”] (el) puré de calabaza = pumpkin puree, mashed pumpkin

endulzado/a = sweetened

enchilado/a = covered in chiles, covered in a spicy sauce

batido/a = whipped / creamed / scrambled [batir means “to strike” like “to slap”, or “to hit”; it could also be “stirred” and you may see it used along with agitado/a “stirred” or “shaken”]

relleno/a = stuffed el relleno = stuffing / filling

en escabeche = marinated / brined, in brine en salmuera = brined, in brine [el escabeche is “marinade” or “pickling juice”, la salmuera is literally “brine” as in related to salt water] 

hervido/a = boiled

adobado/a = marinaded (meat usually), covered in spices / spice rubbed [el adobo can mean a few things but it’s often a spice mix of some kind, sometimes a brine or marinade]

frito/a = fried

horneado/a = baked (in the oven) [from el horno “oven”, but hornear is “to bake” or generally “to use the oven”]

al vapor = steamed [lit. “(cooked) in steam”]

asado/a = roasted / baked

tostado/a = toasted

dorado/a = browned [lit. “made golden” from dorar “to gild” or “to coat in gold”, but in cooking it means “to brown”]

estofado/a = stewed, simmered

al horno = oven-baked [or al forno for Italian things]

encurtido/a = pickled los pepinos encurtidos = pickles [lit. “pickled cucumbers”]

el curtido = ceviche / slaw [generally it depends, but a curtido is some kind of sour marinated dish, and it can be vegetables like “coleslaw” OR it could be some kind of ceviche; if you see a curtido just know it is generally acidic or pickled]

la milanesa = breaded cutlet [anything milanesa refers to something breaded and fried; la milanesa de pollo is “breaded chicken cutlet”, la milanesa de res is “breaded beef cutlet” etc]

el sándwich = sandwich [standard I think (?); sometimes it has alternate spellings/pronunciations]

el bocadillo = sandwich [Spain usually, specifically on a long piece of bread like a baguette; for everyone else this is “mouthful” usually] la torta = sandwich [Mexico, specifically on a round roll] el emparedado = sandwich [I think mostly Spain; it literally means “between walls”]

la masa = dough

el pastel = cake [regional] la torta = cake [in Mexico a torta is a type of sandwich]

la tarta = tart, pie / cake [regional]

la galleta = cookie la galleta salada = cracker [lit. “salted gallete”]

la tostada = toast (a piece of toast)

glaseado/a = frosted/iced

el glaseado = frosting/icing la escarcha = frosting/icing [lit. “frost”] [you may also see la cobertura “topping” OR el baño “bath” as frosting or icing, it all depends]

la confitura = jam, jelly, compote, preserves la confitura de (algo) = (something) confit/compote/preserves

la jalea = jelly

la mermelada = jam, jelly, preserves, marmalade

la crema batida = whipped cream

el dulce, los dulces = sweet thing, sweets / possibly candy

la gomita = gummy candy

la golosina = candy [in general; kind of like the category like “confection”; all candies are golosinas really]

el chocolate = chocolate

la vainilla = vanilla

el helado = ice cream

dulce = sweet

agrio/a = sour, bitter ácido/a = sour, tart

amargo = bitter, sour

agridulce = bittersweet, sweet and sour

salado/a = salty, salted

picante = spicy [sometimes picoso/a or enchiloso/a though enchiloso/a to me implies a chile]

duro/a = hard

blando/a = soft

suave = smooth

espeso/a = thick [mixtures]

crujiente = crunchy

grasoso/a = greasy

aceitoso/a = oily

empalagoso/a, empalagante = cloyingly sweet, sickly sweet

seco/a = dry

mojado/a = wet empapado/a = soaked, wet

el sabor = taste

crudo/a = raw

cocido/a = cooked bien cocido/a = “well done” [for steaks]

Beverages [Las Bebidas]

la bebida = beverage, drink

el café = coffee

el tueste = roast [for coffee] el tueste claro = light roast coffee el tueste oscuro = dark roast tostado/a = roasted/toasted

el té = tea el té negro = black tea el té verde = green tea el té helado = iced tea

el té (de algo) = (some kind of) tea el té de manzanilla = chamomile tea el té de hierbas / el té herbal = herbal tea

el alcohol = alcohol

el trago = a shot (of alcohol)

(andar/salir) de copas = to go out drinking [la copa is “wine glass”, related to the word “goblet”, so de copas is “out drinking” in a way]

el vaso (de agua) = glass (of water)

la taza (de té/café) = cup/mug (of tea/coffee) / teacup or coffee cup/mug

la copa = glass (of wine)

el refresco = soda [regional] la gaseosa = soda [regional] la bebida gaseosa = soft drink

la soda = soda [can also be “seltzer water” or “club soda”]

con gas = carbonated, “sparkling” [lit. “with gas” sin gas = uncarbonated, “flat”

la cidra = cider

el vino = wine el vino tinto = red wine el vino blanco = white wine

el champán = champagne

la cerveza = beer la caña = draft beer [at least in Spain; idk about everywhere else; lit. caña is “reed” or “tube” so it means it comes from a keg or spigot or something is “on tap”]

el ron = rum

la ginebra = gin

el vodka = vodka

el whiskey, el whisky = whiskey el (whiskey) escocés = scotch [lit. “Scottish (whiskey)”]

la limonada = lemonade

el zumo = juice [Spain] el jugo = juice [Latin America, usually]*

la pulpa = pulp sin pulpa = no pulp

el hielo = ice con hielo = with ice sin hielo = without ice sobre hielo = on ice / over ice / “on the rocks”

mezclado/a = mixed

*el jugo is used sometimes in Spain, often with “meat juices” and jugoso/a is still “juicy” in many countries, but it’s more common in Spain for fruit juices to be zumo... whether it’s zumo de naranja “orange juice” or zumo de manzana “apple juice” etc

Some common drinks to know: la sangría is “sangria” [lit. “bloodletting” related to la sangre “blood”] which is wine with fruit. Since sangria can be kind of touristy, some places tend to have tinto de verano “summer red wine” which is often cheap red wine and some kind of fruit soda like sparkling lemonade or orange soda. Another common one is la clara which is beer and sparkling lemonade [I think close to a “shandy” in English though lord knows I rarely call it that]

-

Meals [Las Comidas]

el aperitivo = appetizer

las tapas = tapas, appetizers [typically more of a Spain thing]

el plato fuerte = main dish, entree [lit. “strong dish”] el plato principal = main dish, entree

la ensalada = salad

la sopa = soup

el caldo = broth

el estofado = stew

el desayuno = breakfast [standard, but also sometimes regional where desayuno might be very early or more sweet]

la comida = lunch / meal [in general] el almuerzo = lunch [US/UK; for most other places it’s a midmorning meal]

la merienda = snack / teatime, high tea

la cena = dinner

el postre = dessert

la comida ligera = light meal

la comida basura = junk food

There’s so much to say about eating schedules in Spanish vs English but really your experience will be different depending on if the country has a siesta culture. Just know many of the words can be HIGHLY regional

In most Spanish-speaking countries la comida is “lunch” [lit. “food”]; but in the US we typically say el almuerzo as a meal that happens at noon. Depending on where you are your entire eating schedule is different but in the US we have three meals - el desayuno, el almuerzo, la cena. Your exact meal schedule will depend on the country you’re in

¡Buen provecho! = Bon Appetit, “Dig In” [said before eating]

¡Salud! = Cheers! [lit. “health”, said before drinking during a toast] ¡Chin-chin! = Cheers! [a less formal toast, it’s literally the sound of glasses clinking together so it implies everyone sort of touches their glasses before drinking; chin-chin is often said with salud at these times so you’ll probably hear them both at the same time at an informal party/occasion]

la sobremesa = “dinner conversation” [a culture concept; la sobremesa literally is “above table” but it’s the word for talking and hanging out with friends and family over a meal, sort of like chitchat or conversation... it’s the act of growing closer “at the table”]

-

School Subjects [Las Materias]

la escuela = school

la tarea = homework / task

la materia = school subject

las matemáticas (mate / las mates) = mathematics, math

el álgebra = algebra [technically feminine]

la geometría = geometry

el cálculo = calculus [or “calculations”, it can be used like “I did the math” or “I ran the numbers”... that’s cálculo too]

la ciencia = science

la biología = biology

la química = chemistry

la física = physics

la informática = computer sciences, IT

la historia = history

la geografía = geography

los estudios sociales = social studies

las bellas artes = fine arts [arte is typically masculine, but in certain contexts it’s feminine - usually for las bellas artes or las artes marciales “martial arts”]

la literatura = literature

la escritura = writing / creative writing la narrativa = writing / creative writing [la narrativa means “narrative” but also could mean “storycraft”, as in one’s ability to write/tell a story]

el arte = art

la música = music

el drama = drama, theater [masculine] el teatro = theater (place and a subject)

el idioma = language [masculine] la lengua = language [lit. “tongue”]

la lengua y literatura = language arts [lit. “language and literature”] las artes del lenguaje = language arts

la poesía = poetry

la comunicación = communication

la traducción = translation

la psicología = psychology [sometimes it’s written as sicología without the P; they’re both correct, but psicología is more common]

la sociología = sociology

la medicina = medicine

el Derecho = Law [often capitalized; by itself el derecho means “a right”]

la contabilidad = accounting

la enseñanza = teaching

la educación físicia = physical education, PE / gym

la gimnasia = gym [it also is “gymnastics”, or basic “physical exercise”]

el deporte / los deportes = sport / sports

el atletismo = track and field / athletics [sometimes “track and field” is (la) pista y (el) campo but pista y campo might also be el atletismo]

(el) tiro al blanco = archery / darts [lit. “the act of shooting at the target”, but el tiro “shooting” can also refer to guns as well]

la esgrima = fencing

la natación = swimming [the noun, not the verb]

Many sports-related things are influenced by Greek traditions - la gimnasia as “gym” or “physical exercise” or “gymnastics” literally means “things pertaining to the gymnasium” which is where people would work out or play certain sports or exercise. And similarly el atletismo means “track and field” because it referred to the kind of sports professional athletes practiced in Greece or practiced for the Olympics... specifically the ones that used to be done outside, such as el maratón “marathon”, running, etc. Obviously we don’t have the discus or horseracing in most schools, but the Greek influence is there. And because el atleta means “athlete”, el atlestismo also refers to “athletics” in general

[piotr-zielinski]

So cute 🥰💙

[pernillecfcw]

Maestro in midfield 💙🏆

[jamiesfootball]

oh you and your plethora of brilliant fic HOW DO I CHOOSE. (i’m eenie meenie miney moe-ing it)

can I please hear about ‘precarious ledge’ and/or ‘plant me in the ground’ and/or ‘feather light, sunken low’

🌹💚🌹💚🌹

(you absolute titles-maestro how are they all so good)

Precarious Ledge (for whump bingo)

Fresh off a defeat in Paris, Sam irritated and stressed out, accidentally knocks an overly-clingy Jamie into the street. Jamie is fine, Sam apologizes, and he has little reason to believe that there's anything more to it.

Afterwards, Jamie is acting overly solicitous towards Sam, and Sam can't figure out why.

The city was not what he expected. Although he knew intellectually that the movies had coloured his perception of the City of Love, even his more grounded imaginations had missed their mark. The city was dirtier, more beautiful, louder and bolder and more unabashedly itself than he could have imagined. It was uncaring of any promises that had been made on its behalf; for Sam, it made brand new ones. Promises of food, history, art. Sam had never had anything less than a wonderful time in Paris. Incredible, how one lost football match could turn a city he loved into a place he could not wish to leave any faster.

Plant Me in the Ground

After spending a surprisingly fun time talking at the gala, Jamie is under the impression that him and Roy are friends now. When Roy comments that Jamie is still a twit, and he'd have to be a much nicer person for that to happen, Jamie responds with, "How much nicer?"

80% nicer is the final bid.

What happens next is Jamie game-ifying his behaviour, so that for every 4 nice things he says, he is allowed to say 1 prickish thing to maintain his reputation.

More about it here

And here

Feather Light, Sunken Low

I have a plan to go back to this post and the ficlet I wrote for it about Jamie, having stuck with the team in Amsterdam, quietly telling his friends sleepover style in the dark about what happened when he was there before. The idea of what happens next is still pretty vague, but I've got some stuff sketched out, one bit of which is:

Jan spoke up, and Jamie had never heard him sound angry before. "That's illegal."

[ynwa-chiesa]

ARNE PLANNING TO KEEP KWEEVE AND LUCHO YYUUHUUUUUPPPP 💪💪💪💪 THATS MY FOOTBALL MAESTRO RIGHT THERE

[bear-band-freak]

Moodboards of my OTP Henry x Wendell (Wenry/Hendell)

On the top row, we have three images representing Henry.

The first image on the left is of a raccoon, representing his singing, top hat-companion, and pet raccoon, Sammy. The second image in the middle is of a football with a football helmet, representing him as a retired football player from the Goose Creek Bruins. And the third image on the right is of a guitar, representing his instrument of choice and his transfer to a music career as the MC of the Country Bear Jamboree.

On the bottom row, we have three images representing Wendell.

The first image on the right is of a mandolin, representing his instrument of choice and his title as the "Mandolin Maestro" of the Country Bear Jamboree. The middle image is of a football, representing the fact that he was literally used as a football by two quarterbacks, which led to his early retirement from his "gridiron career." And the third image on the right is of a skunk, representing Randy the Skunk from the Country Bear Vacation Hoedown and my personal headcanon that Randy is Wendell's pet skunk, whom Wendell begs Henry to let perform with him in the show because he taught Randy how to tap dance. (I'm sorry, but Randy has too much of Wendell's chaotic energy to not be his pet.)

The middle image in the middle row of the first moodboard is a framed poster of Wendell and Henry as the musical comedy duo they are, and I just adore it.

I couldn't pick which moodboard I liked best, so I decided to post all three. The quotes are from two songs I like and associate with Henry and Wendell. Not because I headcanon Wendell sounding exactly like Ogie (Christopher Fitzgerald) from Waitress or anything. *Eyes nervously shifting from left to right* 😳👉👈

[bluesest]

Una Reunión de Maestros

Nick era un chico que le encantaba el deporte, bastante musculado y miembro esencial del equipo de football de su instituto, es conocido por sus habilidades deportivas como también por sus pésimas habilidades en las otras materias básicas como química, matemáticas y entre otras. Sin embargo, esto a el no le importaba en lo más mínimo.

Mr. Colins era el profesor de gimnasia y encargado del equipo de football como entrenador, tenía una gran musculatura, una barbilla tonificada y vestía siempre con ropa ajustada.

El estaba al tanto del comportamiento de Nick, tanto en las materias como en la cancha. Nick era muy brusco al jugar contra sus enemigos e incluso contra sus propios compañeros de equipo en el entrenamiento, el solo seguía una regla: “Hay que ir con todo, no importa el rival”.

Un día de entrenamiento, Nick como siempre se encontraba a la ofensiva y mientras el tenía el balón, uno de sus compañeros (que era del equipo opuesto) se lo arrebato, ocasionando que Nick estallara de furia y pateara en las piernas a su compañero.

Esto era una falta al deporte y sobre todo al sano compañerismo, fue sacado de mala gana del entrenamiento y fue regañado.

Nick estaba bastante enojado con el entrenador, Nick le respondió: “Fue su culpa por ser tan débil y quitarme el tonto balón”.

Estas palabras no le gustaron a Mr. Colins por lo cual le dijo a Nick que se fuera de la cancha hasta que se relaje y que mañana seguiría la conversación.

Más tarde ese día se convoco a una reunión de maestros en donde se comento el tema de Nick:

“Es muy revoltoso”

“Ni siquiera se esfuerza por resolver ninguna ecuación”

“Es grosero y muy enojado con todos sus compañeros de clase”

Era el tipo de comentarios que se escuchaban sobre Nick, el entrenador estuvo de acuerdo con las quejas de los maestros y antes de tratar de brindar alguna solución para castigar a Nick, el director Mr. Matthew

Mr. Matthew: ya sabemos que nada de lo que hacemos funciona para ayudar al chico, sin embargo, creo que tengo una idea… Verán, el siguiente mes se viene las intercolegiales de football en donde como cada año los equipos correspondientes de diferentes instituciones participan, asi que, ¿qué tal si lo expulsamos del equipo hasta que terminen las competencias?

Ningún profesor en ese momento quería decir nada, talvez fue un castigo algo severo, pero fue Mr. Colins quien tomo la iniciativa y dio todo su apoyo al director, luego todos los profesores en la reunión dieron su visto bueno y asi empezó todo.

El siguiente día Nick fue llamado a dirección en donde lo esperaban Mr. Colins y Mr. Matthew con las noticias:

Mr. Matthew: “Recientemente me llegaron quejas de varios profesores sobre tus notas”

Nick: “Admito que no soy muy fan en eso de las letras y números, pero eso no les debería importar porque al final esas notas solo me afectan a mí, y si tanto les molesta, simplemente cámbienlas”

Mr. Colins: “Pero si nos importa tu comportamiento antideportivo”

Nick: “Entrenador, con todo respeto, creo que lo que hice demostró quienes deben ser expulsados del equipo, los débiles que no pueden resistir solo nos atrasan”

Mr. Colins: “Y eso es lo que exactamente vamos a hacer, expulsar a los débiles”

Nick: “Finalmente entendió…”

Mr. Matthew: “Mi persona y tu entrenador hemos llegado a una conclusión, supongo que estarás al tanto del próximo torneo de football intercolegial… es por eso que nosotros queremos asegurar nuestra victoria al expulsarte temporalmente del equipo hasta que el torneo acabe”

Nick: “¡¡¡¿PERO QUÉ?!!! ¡¡¡Pero si soy uno de los mejores jugadores del equipo!!!”

Mr. Colins: “La habilidad no lo es todo en el juego, lo más importante es el trabajo en equipo, un concepto que tu no logras entender”

Nick: “Pe- Pe- Pero-”

Mr. Matthew: “Ya es suficiente, regresa a tu aula de clases”

Esto fue una total humillación para Nick, ser expulsado de la mejor época del año escolar, su oportunidad de ser una estrella fue arrebatada por su propio entrenador y el molesto director, esto no se iba a quedar asi para Nick.

Nick llego a su casa furioso, simplemente le era imposible creer que fuese expulsado, esto requería una broma, no una cualquiera, una que humillara y destrozara las carreras de ambos, pero ¿Cuál?

Mientras pensaba, Nick encendió la tele para buscar inspiración, y la encontró. Vio un comercial de un laxante en polvo super fuerte, era perfecto para su venganza.

Fue a la farmacia y compro 10 bolsitas de ese laxante el cual como advertencia decía: “efecto en menos de 30 minutos, no tomar en horarios ocupados, sus efectos duran 7 horas con una limpieza intestinal efectiva y eficaz”

Nick pensó si una bolsita pequeña ocasionaba todo eso, imagínate 5 de esas cosas en una persona, ahora Nick debe encontrar la manera de engañar a sus victimas para que consuman el laxante.

Al siguiente día, un compañero de su equipo le comento que Mr. Colins había hablado sobre una reunión con los directores y profesores de las instituciones participantes para discutir los temas esenciales para la competencia. Esta era la oportunidad de Nick.

Mientras nadie veía, abrió la puerta de la sala de maestros, ¿Cómo lo hizo? Pues robando a escondidas el llavero de su profesor de matemáticas.

Allí dentro vio la cafetera de maestros y mientras nadie miraba, el preparo dos grandes tazas de café con mucha azúcar para ocultar el sabor del laxante en polvo y en cada una de esas tazas uso 5 de esas bolsitas para después poner un papel en cada una con los nombres respectivos de sus víctimas: “Para Mr. Colins” y “Para Mr. Matthew”. Los preparativos ya estaban listos, ahora solo tocaba esperar.

5 minutos después de que Nick escapara de la escena, Mr. Matthew y Mr. Colins llegaron a la sala de maestros:

Mr. Colins: “Solo faltan 10 minutos para la reunión, creo que hay tiempo para una taza de… ¿Café?”

Ambos se sorprendieron al ver dos tazas de café caliente con dos notas con sus nombres, se cuestionaron quien lo habría hecho

Mr. Matthew: “No tengo idea quien habrá hecho este gesto… Pero sería de mal gusto no agradecerlo y tirar un buen café”

Mr. Colins: “Estoy De acuerdo!”

Ambos tomaron un gran sorbo del café, disfrutando cada segundo de lo dulce que estaba hasta que sin darse cuenta se lo tomaron todo.

“Esa taza de café estaba excelente” Pensaron, pero no esperarían lo que sucedería

Ambos pararon al baño para lavarse las manos y peinarse para la reunión, mientras que Mr. Colins estaba peinándose una rara sensación empezó en su estómago, una especie de presión se hizo presente en su intestino:

Mr. Matthew: “¿Sucede algo compañero?”

Mr. Colins: “No, nada, mejor espérame afuera”

Mr. Matthew: “Por qué?”

Mr. Colins: “Bueno… para que ahorremos tiempo de que salgamos uno a la vez por la puerta”

Mr. Matthew: “Mmmmm… está bien supongo”

Finalmente, el director salió del baño y espero a su compañero, era una excusa pésima pero la presión era muy fuerte, Mr. Colins sostuvo su estómago con fuerza y libero un gas putrefacto: *PPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTTT*

“Oh Mierda” dijo Mr. Colins, espero que no vuelva a ocurrir…

Mientras tanto Mr. Matthew estaba afuera en sus pensamientos cuando lo detuvo un dolor en su estomago y sin pensarlo soltó un violento pedo: *PPPFFFFFFTTTTT* *PPPFFFTTTTTTTTT* *PFFTTTT*

“Joder! Creo que me rompió el culo hahahha” otro malestar interrumpió su risa haciendo que agarrara fuertemente su vientre: “No debí tomar café, siempre me produce gases y luego… oh no… bueno creo que si habrá tiempo para todo una vez termine la reunión”

En ese momento salió del baño Mr. Colins el cual noto el olor del ambiente, avergonzado que fue suyo simplemente espero a que Mr. Matthew no se hubiera dado cuenta del olor.

Ambos estaban visiblemente incomodos, no sabían que les estaba pasando y en un abrir y cerrar de ojos ya estaban en la reunión al lado de otros 20 directores y profesores otras instituciones.

Este año la responsabilidad de la organización de la competencia fue a manos de Mr. Matthew y Mr. Colins (es por eso que la reunión fue hecha en la misma institución de ellos)

Para ambos la reunión era lo mismo todos los años: que reglas seguir, cuáles serán las instituciones que prestarán sus canchas, cuánto dinero se debe recolectar, etc. Las reuniones se hacían más bien para formalidad que otra cosa.

Mr. Matthew tenia la responsabilidad de llevar la reunión y con el dolor creciente en su vientre trato de hacerla más amena y rápida, pero no funciono.

Mientras tanto Mr. Colins se encontraba sentado cuando otro malestar lo golpeo: *BRBRBRBRBRBR* aquel sonido era su estomago pidiendo liberar presión, y el obedeció, pero no libero gas de su tracto anal, sino que lo hizo a través de su garganta.

Su eructo fue lo bastante sigiloso que no alerto a nadie asi que siguió: *BURP*, con cada uno su boca se hacia más acida y no era lo suficiente para mantener a raya su estómago.

Mientras tanto Mr. Matthew seguía hablando hasta que un sonido peculiar lo detuvo: *BRBRBRBRBRRB* fue lo suficientemente fuerte que fue escuchado por todos los presentes y Mr. Matthew fingió que no pasó nada y siguió hablando:

Mr. Matthew: “La cuota debe ser *BRBRBR* equitativa para todas *BRBR* las instituciones”

Mr. Matthew sabia que no iba a poder mantener su estomago en paz por mucho tiempo asi que aplico un viejo truco:

*COUGH* *COUGH* *PPFFFFTT* *COUGH*

El pedo fue lo suficientemente breve como para no ser escuchado por nadie en la reunión, mientras el pedo era incluso más apestoso que el de la puerta, sin embargo, él estaba lo suficientemente lejos de los demás para que no se oliera.

Su sudor lo estaba empapando, poco a poco su condición empeoraba: *BBRRRRRRR*, el no podía creer que le este pasando esto ahora. Tener un ataque de diarrea por un asqueroso café, en su pensar se dijo: *Descubriré quien lo hizo y lo despediré! *

La situación no era diferente para Mr. Colins, el sentía una gran corriente de aire y liquido chocando en sus paredes rectales esperando un momento para escapar, el no podía seguir aguantando, pensó:

“Me duele mucho el estómago, ese café definitivamente no fue buena idea”

*BRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

“¡Por favor, Por favor necesito aguantar… más!”

*BRBRRRRRR* *BRRRRRRRR*

“Este no lo puedo seguir manteniendo…”

*PPPPFFFFFTTT*

Todo el mundo en ese momento guardo silencio al notar el inconfundible sonido de un gas atrapado saliendo, el olor era el clásico del café con un tono más agrio y asqueroso. Todos como instinto voltearon a verse entre ellos para ver quien fue quien lo hizo, mientras que los profesores sentados cerca de Mr. Colins sabían perfectamente quien fue y tenían asiento en primera fila para el terrible olor que emanaba de él.

“Oh mierda… seguramente saben quién fue… ohhhhh no otra vez…”

*BRRRRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRBRBRBRBR*

“Por favor, Por favor, Por favor…”

*PPPPPFFFFFFFTTTTTTT* *PFFFFFTTTTT* *PPPPPPPPFFFFFFFTT*

*BRRRRRRRR*

Sus compañeros hicieron una muesca de disgusto al confirmar sus sospechas, y se asquearon gracias a la nueva adición al olor, un olor más penetrante, solo causado por una cosa: diarrea

Mr. Colins tenía la cara roja de vergüenza y con un dolor terrible en su estómago, el noto algo caliente en sus sudados calzoncillos blancos apretados y que empezaba a acariciar su entrepierna, finalmente su cuerpo no pudo aguantar y se tomo la decisión de liberar la presión a través de dejar vía libre a parte de la diarrea acumulada.

“Creo que… me estoy… ¡CAGANDO!”

En ese momento recordó las anteriores reuniones y una de las reglas era “solo se permite ausentar un miembro a la vez”. El se levanto de su puesto y con todas las miradas de los participantes e incluso la del propio Mr. Matthew dijo “Debo ausentarme por un momento… tengo que… ah… deje algo en el auto, enseguida vuelvo”, se dirigió caminando hacia la puerta y cuando salió, con fuerza la cerro y corrió lo más rápido posible.

Se oían pequeñas risas en la sala, otros tenían una cara de disgusto y desaprobación lo que hizo que el estomago de Mr. Matthew volviera a estresarse *BRBRBBRRBRBRRR* y aprovechando la fuga de su compañero dijo: “Debo ir con él para ver qué sucede” pero una voz gruesa y autoritaria lo detuvo: “El seguro estará bien, usted debe seguir con todo esto”, la voz era la del Superintendente que visiblemente estaba enojado con todo lo sucedido, y siguió: “Además, usted debe estar consciente que solo se permite la ausencia de un participante a la vez”

Mr. Matthew no pudo hacer nada más que obedecer a su superior, pues el era el encargado de financiar todas las instituciones presentes y principal donador de los juegos intercolegiales.

El siguió exponiendo los puntos de la reunión, pero poco a poco su mente se iba nublando por el increíble dolor y presión en su estómago, él pudo soportar más que su compañero Mr. Colins debido a que el acostumbraba a tomar café y su estómago siempre expulsaba todo con diarrea, pero en un par de horas, las suficientes para llegar a su hogar. Pero esta vez era diferente, apenas llevaban 20 minutos desde que tomaron el café y Mr. Matthew estaba a punto de cagarse en sus pantalones sin posibilidad de que Mr. Colins regresara.

Todo lo que él podía hacer era esperar y aguantar lo suficiente mientras seguía liberando presión con gases cada vez notorios tanto en ruido como en olor.

Mr. Matthew: “El siguiente punto será el tema de los puntajes, utilizaremos el sistema oficial y… *BBRRRRR* oh no… *BRRRRRRRR*”

*PFFFTTTT*

Mente de Mr. Matthew: “No puedo seguir con esto… *PPFFFFTTT* no, no, tranquilo, todo estará bien… vamos Colins, apresurarte mierda”

Mientras todo esto sucedía, Mr. Colins corría a través de los pasillos:

“Mierda, Mierda, Mierda!”

*PFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT* *PPPPPFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTT*

“Apártense de mi camino!”

Su ano estaba derramando el liquido marrón caliente que tanto Mr.Colins trato de evitar los últimos 20 minutos, su calzoncillo se hacia pesado cada vez más y desde lejos se podía ver como crecía un gran bulto en sus pantalones.

Su diarrea no daba piedad: *BRRRRRR* *PPPPFFFFFTTTT* *PSPSPSPPSPSPSPS* *BRRRRRRRRRR*, El estaba completamente avergonzado, pasaba por varios pasillos del colegio emitiendo un hedor terrible, el aroma a café ya no se podía distinguir de los gases, más bien parecía una mezcla de las comidas que el profesor había tenido en los últimos días: Huevos, tocino, cerveza, pollo, salsa china, jugo, etc. Una combinación que apoya la razón del porque el director pudo aguantar un poco más de tiempo.

Llego al baño de profesores, pero hubo un problema: “Las llaves… las deje en mi auto! Aaaaaggghhhhhh *PPPPPFFFFFFFTTTTT* *PPPFFFFTTTTT*, mierda, no hay tiempo”

Desesperado, dio un giro y corrió hacia el baño para estudiantes, cada paso significaba tomar el riesgo de arruinar no solo sus calzoncillos, sino que también sus pantalones y su reputación de maestro:

*PPFFFFTT* *PPFFFFFTTT*

*PSPSPSPSPPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPS*

*PPPFFFFTTT* *BRBRBRRB*

“Necesito llegar!”

De una patada abrió la puerta del baño masculino, en él estaba uno de los integrantes del equipo de Mr. Colins: “Hola Entrenador! ¿No que tenía una reunión?”, a Mr. Colins no le importo nada y le grito: “MUEVETE Y SAL DE AQUÍ!”, asustado, el chico salió corriendo, el maestro cerro la puerta principal y la bloqueo con un trapeador que estaba cerca, abrió con fuerza el cubículo, desesperadamente se bajó su pantalón apretado y finalmente dejo caer sus calzoncillos pesados llenos de un gran montón de pasta marrón maloliente.

Sentó sus grandes nalgas manchadas en la fría porcelana y cerro los ojos…

*PPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT*

*SQQLSKSKSDJSDSJJSSKSJSKSSIS* *PPPFFFTTT* *QSSGQHSSHQHSHQHSHQHSSSHHHHHH* *PFFFFFFFTTTTTTT* *PFFFFFFTTTT*

*BRBBRBRBRBRBRBR*

“OH MIERDA! FINALMENTE… WOOHOOO HAHAHAHAHA”

*SQHHSHSQHHSHQSHSHQ* *PLOP*

“Uffffff… TOUCH DOWN MALDITO CAFÉ!!!!!”

*BBBRRRRRRRBBBRRRRRRR*

“Oh! Asi que vienes por más, ¿eh?”

*PFFTT* *BBBBRBRRRRRRBBBBRRRRRRR*

“Y.. parece que… *BRRRRRR* vas a hacer equipo con la cerveza…”

*PFPFPFPFPPFPFTTTTTTTT* *SQHSQHHSSHQHSHQSHSQHQSH*

*PPPPFFFFFTTTTTTFTFTFTF* *BRRRRRR* *SQHQSHHQHSS* *BRRRRRR*

*PLOP* *PLOP* *PFFFFFTTTTTTTT* *SQQQQQSSSHHHHHHHHHH* *BRRRRRBRRRR*

*Gemidos*

“Creo que ya… *BBRRRRR*… NOP esto no va a acabar pronto… *SQSQQSSQHHHH*”

De pronto el teléfono empezó a sonar, era Mr. Matthew:

Mr. Matthew: “¿Oye, cuanto más te vas a tardar en volver?”

Mr. Colins: “Bueno… eh… todavía no encuentro lo que se me perdió en el auto…”

Mr. Matthew: “Cuanto tiempo más vas a necesitar?”

Mr. Colins: “Dame unos 5 minutos… *BRRRRRBRRBRBR*, oh mejor unos 10 minutos más… *PPPFFFFFTTTTTT* *QSQHSHQSHQHSHQSHQ*, ¡MEJOR QUE SEAN 30!”

Mr. Matthew: “Qué fue eso?”

Mr. Colins: “NADA!”

Mr. Matthew: “Te necesito ahora y… *PPPFFFFFFFTTTT*”

Mr. Colins: “Que fue eso?”

Mr. Matthew: “NADA!”

Mr. Matthew colgó la llamada en ese momento y vio la cara seria del superintendente, estaba enojado por el desastre que era la exposición de los puntos, pero ¿Cómo alguien podría concentrarse mientras lucha por no tener una fuga y cagarse en los pantalones como un niño pequeño?

El Superintendente pregunto: ¿Qué sucede Mr. Matthew, a quién llamaba?

Mr. Matthew: “Perdón por la interrupción, pero mi compañero necesita ayuda… *BBBRRRRRBBBRRRRRR* urgentemente…”

Superintendente: “¿Entonces, planea dejarnos aquí sentados esperándolo?”

Mr. Matthew: “Por supuesto que *BRBRBRBRBR* no…”

Superintendente: “¿Algo le incomoda, no es cierto?”

Mr. Matthew: “Claro que no… *PPPPFFFFTTTT* oh...”

Superintendente: “Claro que sí, le ordeno que cualquier cosa que le esté pasando, deténgalo y prosiga con esto”

Mr. Matthew: “Pe- Pe- Pero”

Superintendente: “Es una orden”

Mr. Matthew: “yo…”

La sala quedo completamente en silencio ante el enojo del “jefe de jefes” viendo la incomodidad y el sudor de su compañero que se encuentra en total sufrimiento, y fueron sorprendidos al ver que Mr. Matthew obedeció las palabras del superintendente de una manera literal, desesperada y asquerosa…

*PFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT*

*QSQSHQSHSQHSHQHSQHSHSHQHSHQHS*

Superintendente: “PERO QUE?”

Mr. Matthew: “OH SI, OH SIII NGAAAAAGGGGHHH”

*PFFFFFTFTTTTTTT* *PPPPFFFFFTFFTTFTFTFTFTF*

*PSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPS* *BRRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRR*

*PFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT*

Todos en la sala se quedaron atónitos, no lo podían creer.

Mr. Matthew con una cara de satisfacción dijo: “Solo estoy obedeciéndolo señor…” luego se bajo sus pantalones arruinados dejando ver una mezcla de sopa marrón con varias partes sólidas, incluyendo sus bolas y trasero desnudos, para después tomar el tacho de basura y seguir con su trabajo:

*PPPPFFTFFFTFTTTTT* *QSHQSHSHQHSQHSHQHSHQ* *BRRRR* *PFFFFFFTTTTTGTTTTTT* *SPLASH* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PPFFFFTFTTFTFT*

El superintendente enojado salió de la habitación junto con todos los demás profesores, y en la mente de Mr. Matthew se dijo: “Bueno, al parecer ya no seremos los organizadores…”

*PPPFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT* *PSPSPSPSPSPSPSPPSPSPS*

“OHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

20 minutos habían pasado, Mr. Colins entro a la sala de reunión y lo que encontró lo sorprendió: vio a su jefe cagando en un bote de basura mientras que a su derecha se encontraba los pantalones arruinados y cagados.

Mr. Colins con un tono sarcástico dijo: “¿El Café?”

Mr. Matthew: “El Café”

*SPSPSPSPSPS* *QSHQHSHSHSQHSHSHQ*