#the new moon (Aleksander)

[kasagia]

I'll be back for you pt. 2 (end)

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x reader, Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: The battle is still going on. Not only the one between Alina and the Darkling but also the one inside you. Which side will you choose to be on? Who will you support? The choice is only yours. Warning(s): Darkling, angst, quarrels, fighting, bl00d, the reader is having a hard time and doesn't know what to do and who to choose, but we all love these two guys Word count: It depends, but 13k+ in total Taglist: @woowwwee @aemondsb1tch @queenofspades6 @unofficial-jaytodd-wife @kentucky-criedfricken

"Moya soverennyia?" Fedyor's voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You turned to Heartrender, giving him a gentle smile and telling him to continue.

Over the course of this month, you've already gotten used to your new role, announced by the Darkling to his Oprichniks and Grishas.

His partner. His heart. His moon. The new Soverennyia.

So far, Aleksander has kept his promise to make you his equal. But you've been waiting patiently for the day when keeping you on an equal footing with himself will not be in line with his plans.

And you didn't know whether to be glad or disappointed that he was serious about keeping that promise.

"Y/N? Shall we go?" you looked up at the man, remembering what he had come for. Kirigan asked for you.

"Yes. Thank you, Fedyor." you nodded as you walked out with him by your side. You smiled as soon as the man started babbling about the latest gossip from the camp. You appreciated that he was trying to make your trip pleasant by at least trying to strike up a normal, casual conversation with you.

Another thing you had to get used to. If there wasn't an unsettling Darkling figure hovering by your side, it would be either Ivan or Fedyor. Kirigan insisted that their presence around you was necessary to keep you safe.

Like you weren't a powerful moon summoner.

The Darkling's "care" didn't blind you. He was afraid that you would run away again, that despite everything—all those tender words and promises whispered into his skin under the cover of the night—you were not fully devoted to him. That even though you were with him in body and mind, you left your heart with a group of your "crows".

And he was right.

But you weren't willing to give him any evidence.

"Sankta Y/N!" the guard at Aleksander's tent of council announced your arrival, interrupting all conversations between the general and his chief commanders.

"Come here, moonlight." the Darkling has summoned you without even lifting a glance from the papers. You took the only empty seat right next to him and glanced at the maps spread out in front of him. "Ivan and his men have been on the trail of the firebird for weeks and finally found something interesting… I thought you'd like to know more about your future amplifire." he whispered in your ear as the conversation around you resumed.

You nodded your head, turning your gaze to the man closest to him. You smiled as you saw Fedyor (trying to) fawn over him imperceptibly. Maybe you and Ivan didn't get along very well, and your relationship with Fedyor deteriorated after your "betrayal", but you'd have to be blind and insensitive not to notice and appreciate the bond between them. You couldn't help your stupid heart long for something they had.

"Something wrong, zyoma maya olya (moon of my life)?"

"Last week was a bit tiring, that's all. Your mother can be a pain in the ass." you mumbled, taking his hand. You unknowingly began to draw patterns on the skin of his hand with your finger, making him feel better. Something that didn't go unnoticed among the Grishas present in the tent.

It turned out you weren't the only one left behind. Aleksander caught Baghra.

From the old woman's story, it seemed as if all he cared about was keeping the two of you captive. Thanks to the saints, no other crow caught his special attention. Except Kaz...

"I'll repay you for taking care of her, milaya. In a month, no one and nothing will get on your nerves, moya tsaritsa."

"Hold on to the titles. Ravka is not at your feet yet."

"It will be. As soon as we enlarge the fold, the whole world will be at OUR feet. And then we'll make sure that no Grishas are afraid or ashamed of who they are ever again."

You wanted to believe him. Really. That he cares only for the good of people like you, but you already knew him too well to allow yourself to be that naive.

"I dream of nothing more, Aleksander." you whispered, making sure only he could hear his real name. He smiled, cupping your cheek with his hand and placing a tender kiss on your forehead.

"What will we do with the rebels, moi soverennyi?" one of his Grishas caught your attention. Your heart beat slightly faster at the mention of your friends. Another trick you had to pick up pretty quickly with so many heartrenders by your side. You silently thanked Nina every time you used her trick to calm your heartbeat. Only thanks to her, no one has yet received any clues or evidence that you can play the role of a double agent. "Or deserters? They should not have the honour of seeing Ravka get greater after years of oppression."

"The courts will judge them. We will not deal with such unimportant things; as soon as we secure our country from hostile neighbours, we will deal with internal changes. We'll make sure the Grisha are safe on their own land. There will be time for everything else later."

The courts... when Aleksander's plans come true, he will become a tsar. Establisher of new laws. Guardian of peace and justice. He will judge his enemies. You couldn't let any of your friends stand in front of him then. Or better, to prevent Aleksander IV/The Darkling from reigning at all.

"The sooner we get there, the better. What do you think, moonlight?"

"The people are tired, and our horses are too. I don't think a day's delay will do us any harm. Everyone will have enough time to gain strength and prepare for the firebird hunt or other tasks."

"With all due respect, moi soverenyi, Lady Y/N is right. The mood in the camp is not good; people could use a little respite."

"Then it will be as my moon said. Tell our people to get ready for tomorrow. You can get some rest yourselves. You all are free." Aleksander released them, shocking both his men and you with how easily he changed his mind.

He put his hand on your thigh, stopping you from leaving the tent with his soldiers. It wasn't until the last Grisha was out of your sight that he turned completely towards you.

"Are you sure everything's okay? You've been acting weird lately." he asked, examining your face carefully. You really wish Genya was here… she'd be better at concealing your dark circles than face powder.

"Weird? No I... I just trying to fit into a new role. I have to admit that it's very hard to be you." he chuckled, moving your chair closer to him so you could lean against his side. He ran one hand through your hair and wrapped the other around your waist to feel you against him.

"I don't know what you do or how you charm everyone around you, but you don't have to try very hard to earn their respect. They already value your decisions and adore you. They even call you a Sankta. It's so much more than I'll ever be."

"Should I call you Sankt Aleksander, then?" you asked, raising an eyebrow with a teasing smirk on your face, to which he just snorted in amusement. If you were a heartrender, you would know how his heart beat faster as soon as he saw that smile on your face.

"As long as I have my own star shining for me, I can stay known as The Saint With No Stars." he said, kissing your cheek and resting his forehead against the side of your head. You sat like that for a while, enjoying the hug and each other's presence.

It wasn't just your people who were tired. You two, too, have felt the burden of the past few weeks acutely. The search for amplifiers, the fights between Aleksander and Alina, your secret help to the crows, performing in front of an audience, recruiting new Grishas—Aleksander's entire war campaign took its toll on him as well as on you.

And while you wanted to curse yourself for seeking solace in the arms of the man who made you go through all of this, you just couldn't (and didn't want to) deprive yourself of his comforting presence. Ironic, right? To find peace and safety in the arms of someone you should hate with all your heart.

"You're not alone, my little saint. You can tell me everything that bothers you. You don't have to deal with your thoughts by yourself." he whispered into your hair, holding you tighter.

He wasn't Kaz. If he had heard even a speck of your doubts, he would have increased his guard around you and watched you more than before. He couldn't know what was in your head, what tormented you day and night, or the moral struggle within you. That you felt something for both of them at the same time. And that even if you tried so hard for the last few weeks, you couldn't sort out your feelings.

"It goes both ways, Aleksander." you mumbled, pulling away from him so you could cup his cheek with your hand.

You ran your finger across one of his black scars. He narrowed his eyes as soon as he felt your soft skin on his scar. You knew he hated them. That he despised any reminder of what had happened in the fold. About how his volcra played with him. For a moment, you thought he would drop the idea of extending the fold after this. However, in some strange way, his encounter with the volcras only strengthened that desire.

You planted a small, tender kiss on one of the particularly large scars—the one running down the centre of his face. Aleksander sighed tremblingly.

"Using merzost and summoning nichevo'ya only makes them worse. You do not have to do that. You don't have to destroy yourself from within to fight this war."

"I'm not weak. I know my limits, Y/N."

"I never doubted it, Aleksander." you ran your hand through his hair, calming his anger. You've probably both been surprised at how easily you can change his mood every time you do it. "You are hundreds of years old, more experienced in your power than any Grisha on this earth. That doesn't mean that you'll listen to your limits or that you won't push yourself beyond your safe border. You know what I'm worrying about all the time? You. Whenever you use this."

"Don't bother yourself with it. I'll always be back for you. No matter how many nichevo'ya I summon or how much merzost I use. Nothing can keep me away from you."

You didn't answer anything. Instead, you moved to his lap and caught his lips in a tender kiss.

It was your safe answer to each of his gentle declarations of love. He would never refuse your kiss; the feeling of your soft, warm lips on his was like nothing else he had known or felt in hundreds of years. Unfortunately for you, he wasn't the only one whose heart beat faster the moment your lips met.

And even though neither of you trusted each other, you enjoyed that little sweet moment between you two. After all, everyone needs someone close to them.

Even an enemy company was still better than none. But could you still call Aleksander your enemy?

~•♤♤♤•~

You had to admit that even though you were "on Darkling's team," not much had really changed in your life. For example, for balance, instead of dreaming about Aleksander, you dreamed about Kaz… and you didn't know which of those dreams were worse.

On nights like this, when you lay by Kirigan's side (which was rare considering how much of a workaholic he was), you weren't afraid that he'd accidentally hear you whisper Brekker's name. Even the shadow lord had to rest sometime, and when he did, he usually slept soundly.

That's why you fell asleep peacefully, wondering if your mind would give you at least a moment of peace and let you enjoy a blissful, unconscious sleep.

You groaned as an unimaginable amount of light hit your eyes. You rubbed your eyes and turned on your other side to hide your face on the shoulder of the man next to you. A very familiar and rare giggle made you open your eyes immediately.

"Kaz?"

"Finally. I thought I wouldn't wake you up until noon. And believe me, I've tried many things. Even the trumpets." he was surprisingly in good spirits, and the mere fact that he didn't flinch from embracing you while you were lying on the same bed under the same duvet told you it was just a dream again.

A real Kaz would never do something like that.

No matter how much you want it.

"You obviously didn't try hard enough." you finally choked out, glad to see that familiar amused-annoyed look on his face.

"Well, our little crow couldn't wake you up either."

"Little crow?" you asked, confused, but the man ignored your question. He ripped the covers off you, to your surprised squeal, and tossed them on one of the armchairs.

"I'll take care of her today. You and Jes are on a scouting mission at one of the mansions of those "rich snobs," as you like to call them. And for the saints' sake, Y/N, it's just a scouting mission. Our daughter doesn't have the best role models anyway; it doesn't help that her mother fights all over the place with literally everyone just because she's a powerful moon summoner and thinks she can do anything." he said as he was going through the closet. He threw some clothes at you, laughing when instead of you catching them, you let them hit your face.

You were so shocked that you couldn't make a move.

"Daughter?" your question remains unanswered again.

"Get dressed and go downstairs. Nina is making breakfast. I think you wouldn't want to miss it, Moonstone."

He left the room, leaving you dazed on the bed. What the fuck was going on here? You had a daughter. With Kaz. It really was a twisted dream.

You got dressed anyway and looked around the room. No extraordinary things. Just a bedroom with things that would probably belong to Kaz and you. You sighed as you opened the door. Your room was normal, practically identical to Kaz's, but the hallway looked... homely. Too homely, judging by the toys scattered around and the drawings of crows, Kaz, you, and some little kid. Your child.

Having no idea what might be waiting for you downstairs (apart from Nina making waffles and Kaz), you hesitantly descended the stairs as if they would take you to the heart of a great battle.

And you could partly say you were right.

You made your way to the living room, where everything else looked pretty normal. A few drawings, crayons, and pencils were strewn across the floor (some of the child's masterpieces were intertwined with Kaz's plans), but other than the usual mess, there was nothing out of the ordinary here.

The problem started behind the door leading to the dining room with an open kitchen, from where came children's shouts and laughter.

"Mom!" something small attacked you as you walked into the room, hugging your legs with all its strength so that you almost fell to the floor. "Aunt Inej helped me climb a huge tree! And Uncle Jes, Wylan, and Mat promised me and Lily that they would make us a playhouse on it. And you know what?! Dad taught me a new trick; can I show you?"

The pleading reflection in the eyes, so similar to yours and attached to a little face that was the perfect combination of you and Kaz, left you speechless. You were looking at your daughter. Child of the Moon Summoner and a Bastard from the Barrel.

"After breakfast, little spitfire. Let your mother wake up. Our moon girl doesn't take mornings very well." Jes answered for you as she dragged you to the table where the rest of the crows were sitting. Between him and Wylan sat their own princess, probably the same age as your daughter.

It might be unrealistic for the crows to be sitting in your kitchen eating breakfast before going on their missions, but you had to admit that as strange as it was, the dream was very... enjoyable. Especially when you saw your daughter climb into her father's lap and order him to cut the waffle into smaller pieces.

Even though you could barely make sense of the situation, everything seemed... normal.

As if Inej should always be showing the children tricks with her knives at the table, and Wylan and Jes should be bantering at your table with themselves and their adopted daughter like a good old couple.

As if Nina was always meant to be your cook, laughing at that "Mr. Amazing Hat" should have paid her double for feeding you all while she forced Matthias to help her.

As if Kaz was doomed to watch them all with a little smirk, occasionally giving you a fond look while he entertained your daughter on his lap.

And for a moment, you felt as if you belonged to this world of your invention, as if you had always belonged there.

The crows dispersed (too fast for you), leaving you alone with Kaz and your daughter, who ran upstairs to get ready to spend the day with Uncle Wylan, Lily, and Dad.

And when Kaz took your hand, pulled your chair closer to his, and caught your lips in a soft, sweet "good luck" kiss, you prayed to all the saints you knew to never wake up from this dream.

"Be even a minute late and I'll send half the Dregs after you." you shivered as his ungloved hand caressed your cheek gently.

"Kaz Brekker worried about someone? I can't believe I lived to see that day." he adjusted the ring on your finger—the exact same one he gave you to defend against the Darkling—and planted a kiss on your ring finger.

"I take care of what's mine." you knew from the mischievous twinkle in his eyes that the bastard had something planned… you never thought he'd want to leave you a hickey on the most sensitive spot on your neck. You held your breath, not thinking, as you threaded your hand through his hair, pulling him closer. "Y/N Brekker has not given any feisty answer? I can't believe I lived to see that day."

And just as his hands finally touched the skin of your hot waist, your treacherous mind decided to end this beautiful, unrealistic dream... making you long for this moment and life you'll never have.

~•♤♤♤•~

You hate waking up like this.

When you had to return to this role. To fight emotions that did not make it any easier for you to make an already difficult decision.

Despite your pure, selfish desire to live as a simple crow, partner in crime (and not only) to Kaz Brekker, you've had to face the fact that you ARE a Sankta. Grisha. The world has given you a role you never wanted. But now that Aleksander had acquainted you with all otkazat'sas crimes against your people, you could not stand aside.

You had to finally take a side.

And you had to do it faster than you'd like.

You sighed as you looked around the empty bedroom. You saw a patch of light behind the curtain separating the Darkling's office from your bedroom. Without thinking, you pulled off the warm duvet and walked barefoot all the way to his office.

You stopped at the entrance to his office, watching as he busily worked on some sketches. His shadows hovered obediently around the distracted man, who hadn't even noticed your silent presence.

"You'll work yourself to death someday, making it too easy for your enemies." you accosted him, sending a streak of very bright light onto the papers he was holding.

You slowly walked towards him; the shadows parted on your way to the dark-haired man, who had been staring only at you since you turned his desk into a bedside lamp.

"Only if I'm not blinded by my moonlight first." with a flick of your wrist, your light disappeared, making the glow of the candle flames the only light in the general's "dark office".

"You're slowly turning into a mole, you know that, right?" he chuckled, extending his arm towards you. You walked over to him and leaned against him as he pulled you closer to him with one hand. "What is this?" you asked curiously, taking one of the sketches on his desk.

The man next to you tensed, trying to snatch the paper from your hands. You sat on top of him, reaching your arms high up to prevent him from doing so.

"Milaya..." he grunted a warning, placing his hands on your waist so you wouldn't accidentally fall off his lap.

Once you had a good look at the drawing, you turned in his arms and slid down so that your back was resting against his chest. You turned your head to look at his face. He stared at the drawing, avoiding your questioning gaze.

"Is it a house plan? Why are you drawing something like this?" he gave you a puzzled look, which made you snort in annoyance. "Don't look at me like that. I'll recognise your line anywhere. What is it for?"

He sighed, gently taking the paper from your hands and tossing it on the desk. He stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to say. But as soon as his gaze met yours, he opened up.

"After our conversation today, I thought that being Ravka's queen isn't something you needfully want… that's why I have this alternative."

"And what exactly are you thinking about?"

"Well… we'd have to take the reins of the new country for a while, but later, when things settle down? Someone else may be dealing with the weight of power."

"Wait… you… are you telling me you don't want to be a tsar?" you were shocked. You didn't know if he was playing with you or if he was being completely honest for the first time you'd met him. His words couldn't be trusted, but his eyes... when they looked at you so vulnerable... It was impossible to even think that there were evil intentions behind those eyes.

"As long as I have you? I don't want a throne, a crown, or having to go to those extravagant balls for highborn nobles who are too self-absorbed to take care of their people. And the last thing I want is to see you miserable because of the life you didn't want to."

"Hundreds of years on earth, and all your dreams are limited to living in a little hut with some moon summoner?"

"Lapushka, these are just preliminary plans. I'm not going to build you a little hut. It will be a palace."

And what could you say when a powerful Black Heretic volunteered to leave his established position just to fulfil some of your stupid dreams of a simple, normal life? What could you say when those captivating dark eyes, eyes that have seen more than one battle and cruel death, stared at you with such affection and devotion?

You did what you always did when you didn't know what to say to him.

You gently grabbed his neck and pulled him into a kiss. If he understood that you only did it when he left you speechless, he didn't show it at all. He enjoyed every ounce of your affection.

"Let's go back to bed, Sasha… tomorrow is also a day." you whispered into his mouth as you pulled away.

"Go. I'll be joining you soon."

You nodded, stepping slowly off his lap and forming a small ball of light in your hand, and headed back towards your bedroom.

"Thank you, Y/N." it completely froze you in place. You stood halfway to the "doorway" to your bedroom, completely unsure of what or why he was thanking you for. Someone who should rather curse you instead of being grateful for anything.

"Whatever for?" you asked, turning to face him, glad you managed to keep your voice from shaking.

"For believing in me. That you are one of the few who still stay by me. I wasn't completely honest, zyoma maya olya. Not with you. Not with anyone for many centuries. Despite my half-truths, you still chose to forgive me. To trust me. To be by my side. To help me." he said, walking over to you with his eyes fixed on yours in such a way that you realised those irises would be your undoing. In one way or another. "I just… I've been fighting this war alone for so long…" a red light went on in your head as soon as his hand cupped your cheek.

He was playing with you. He tried again to manipulate and deceive you. Your mind screamed for you to move away from his touch and do anything to break this spell between you. But your foolish heart was deaf to anything other than Aleksander's voice.

And those fucking puppy eyes he was giving you…

"You're not alone, Aleksander. Not anymore."

No matter how much you wanted to deceive yourself and your mind.

No matter how much you fought against his charm.

It was true. You will be with him till the end...

Either stabbing him in the back or being his queen. You weren't sure how it was going to end yet.

And your confused emotions and gullible heart only made it harder to hate the man who kissed you, like nothing in this world but you mattered to him.

~•♤♤♤•~

This time, you weren't plagued by any strange dreams about the future you might have had.

You woke up alone as usual to a tiny ray of sunlight that somehow made its way through the general's black tent. You involuntarily thought about Alina. Baghra told you she was supposed to take control of your little rebel group. You couldn't help but worry about the fate of the sun summoner. She didn't want to be a saint either. But she seemed to accept it better than you did.

"Moya soverennyia?" you sighed as someone's voice pierced through the tent. You really weren't up to it today.

"Yes?" you ask while still basking in the warmth of a bed.

"The general ordered me to tell you that we're leaving in two hours."

"Thank you."

Fortunately, the messenger merely set your breakfast tray down and did not disturb you any more. Reluctantly, you dragged yourself out of bed, changed clothes, and began flipping through the new letters to both you and the general.

Nothing could have prepared you for a letter from Colonel Rietveld.

With trembling hands, you broke the seal and opened the letter, making sure the envelope was burned in the fireplace as soon as possible. You didn't know how much time you had before Ivan or Fedyor burst in. You had to be quick.

Moya soverenyia,

I hate that name for you so much that it hurts me just to write it down.

Don't worry, I'm not a fool who writes such things at the very beginning of the letter without making sure that only your hands can open it. Despite your firm belief that I have remained that stupid, rash boy, I must say that I am not.

(And you know how much I "hate" proving you wrong.)

I don't know how much time you have to yourself (although I hope HE leaves you much longer compared to the time he is with you. I also believe you realise he doesn't deserve an ounce of your light.) so instead of properly scolding you for saving us and playing hero (lecture you won't miss), I'll get to the point.

We are close. Closer than he realises. That's why you don't have to play martyr, spy, hero, or whatever you're pretending to be now.

We need you with us to end the fold and HIM once and for all.

I need you.

So if you can… come to us. You know where to find me us. Crows always find their way to their nest.

I We are waiting for you, moon girl.

K.B.R.

P.S. I dare you to come back and take what's yours.

I will have you, Kaz Brekker. But only when it's safe for both of us.

"The crows always find their way to the nest… stupidest hint you could have given me, Kazzle."

"Y/N?! Are you ready to go?"

Fedyor's voice snapped you out of your thoughts about Brekker. You threw the letter into the fire, making sure that there was nothing left of it but ashes. Then you took your black-silver kefta and went outside with the heartrender for your first meeting with colonels.

Alina and the crows needed you. Kaz needed you.

If you were to run away, you'd have to do it at night, when Aleksander's guard dogs weren't watching your every step and he himself was sound asleep beside you. You just didn't know if you should do it. Running away would be your ultimate betrayal to Aleksander... betrayal to the other Grisha. Were you ready to fight the people you've become close to over the last few weeks?

All the people inside and outside the tent believed in their Sankta Y/N. That you will widen the fold together with Aleksander. That you will give them peace after years of fear, humiliation, and ridicule. That they would get their own safe piece of land to call home. But is it possible to build a house on the blood, tears, and bones of others?

The meeting dragged on unmercifully, and the mere fact that Aleksander was missing made you suspicious. He did not miss such meetings. Never. Something very important must have happened.

You finished the meeting earlier than planned. Fortunately, no one complained and they obediently left the tent. Fedyor walked you back and left you alone after you lied that you needed to finish packing and that you'd rather do it yourself without anyone's help.

You managed to sneak out of the tent without anyone by your side and go to the tent where Baghra was being held. You had a feeling that Aleksander might have gone there secretly from you. And you were right.

You slipped inside unnoticed and hid behind the tent's multiple layers of curtains, making sure none of them saw you. The shadows circling around the tent only made your task easier.

"Where is your sobachka? She never leaves your side, not if it isn't necessary." you rolled your eyes at the woman's snarky comment. She was lucky you preferred to eavesdrop on them.

"It's nice to see that you're starting to warm up to your future daughter-in-law and are worried about her. Y/N is resting before we left. I guess you understood that this is your last chance to tell me everything you know about a firebird."

"You want to marry her? Does she know about your plans?" she asked, as shocked by his idea as you were.

"No, but thanks, Baghra. At least you're interested in my opinion." you shuddered at the thought of having a woman as your mother-in-law. One of you would definitely not survive this.

"She'll find out at the right time."

"Like about everything else, darling." you thought bitterly. Maybe they were all right. Maybe Aleksander really was a lost cause, not worthy of your time...

"You don't want to learn from your mistakes, do you, boy?" at least you weren't the only one who thought so too. As you could see, Aleksander, however, did not care much about her words, or at least he did not show it.

"What do you mean?" he asked and took a step towards her, getting dangerously close to your hiding place.

"I don't recall Miss Y/L/N appreciating your half-truths lately. Despite what happened, you still repeat your actions. What a pity. But it's good for her. Maybe this time she will be smart enough to see that all you care about is your power and nothing more."

Baghra was right. You three knew it. A pre-Ravka Y/N; a girl before becoming a moon summoner; a thief before being kidnapped from Ketterdam would have fled to the other continent before the Darkling long ago. But you've changed... not exactly for the better.

"Y/N is by my side. She is all that matters now to me. She is the future. She will stay with me till the end. She is the one…"

By my side. I've always seen you by my side.

"Yes, I know she is." she cut him off with her trademark mocking smile. "But WHERE does her loyalty lie, boy?"

It was a very good question. A question you and Aleksander didn't have a sure answer to. You could say that he doubted your loyalty too, judging by the way he tensed slightly under his mother's gaze. But you knew him too well for a moment to have the illusion that he would let Baghra win their duel of words.

"Be careful. You don't really matter anymore. I can find the answer to my question without you. Y/N will help me."

I can only do this with you by my side. As my equal. As a person who thinks like me and can keep up with my plans. As my partner. As the only one I can trust.

"You put so much hope in this girl. What a naive child you became. She doesn't love you and never will love again. Once broken, trust cannot be rebuilt, Aleksander. Whatever beautiful lies she feeds you, they are just empty words. She will leave you. She'll run back straight into her boyfriend's arms right after she stabs you in that black, cold heart."

The silence after her words was painful. For both you and the man. Yes. It could all end like this. It would probably even be best for you - to get away from it all, from him, even before all hell breaks loose with the fold, Grishas and Otkazat'syas in the lead roles.

You could live peacefully. No saints, Grishas, power-hungry people, or your possibly dying just because of what you've become. Only you, Kaz and the crows.

I dare you to come back and take what's yours.

But could you just abandon the Grishas? To leave it all behind, like an unpleasant memory, and cut off from Ravka and her problems forever? Get away from HIM?

I will be back for you, my Y/N. Wherever you are hiding from me.

No. If Baghra was right about anything, it was that Aleksander would not stop chasing you as long as you lived. You were stuck with him. The light of his darkness... unless you eclipse him so much that there will never be any more shadows accompanying the moonlight.

I may not believe in saints, but I believe in you, Y/N. I will always believe in you.

You could have done it. You knew you were capable of this and even greater things. You could kill them both right now if you wanted to. Thanks to the little amplifier Aleksander had already given you, you were much more powerful than any of the shadow summoners.

But could you live without YOUR darkness?

"Tell me where to find the firebird." Aleksander's demand snapped you out of your thoughts. Only now have you noticed that Baghra has somehow gotten out of her shackles, summoning her shadows against her own son.

"It's too late for the firebird, boy."

"Please don't threaten me. It will be the worst for you." he didn't want to fight her. You saw it very clearly in his eyes. And you'd be lying if you said you weren't pleasantly surprised.

"You know that I loved you, Aleksander. I swear I did. But I guess it wasn't enough."

You don't agree with her. She could love him more—enough to wisely outsmart him and set him on the right path. But if she couldn't do it—his own mother— then how big were your chances?

"No, please no! No! Please! No! No!" dread. Something you've never heard in a Darkling's voice or thought he could feel. The sheer fear he showed immediately sparked your action.

You came out of hiding, running inside just in time to get between nichevo'ya and Baghra. A bright white light shot from your hand, blinding everyone in the tent except you. The nichevo'ya moved away from the woman and Aleksander, fleeing from you into a corner.

You glanced at Baghra, making sure she was okay, and ran over to Aleksander, who was kneeling on the floor.

"Y/N?" his low, scared tone of voice made your heart clench with grief. You knelt next to him, wrapping your arms around him tightly and rocking him back and forth.

"It's okay, Sasha. Nothing happened, everyone is fine."

"I… I didn't mean it. I swear. I…" he stuttered through his tears as the effects of summoning nichevo'ya took their toll on him.

"Shh, I know. Everything's all right, just give me a second, Sasha." Aleksander hugged you tighter, to Baghra's snort, which you shot a stern look at. Surprisingly, the woman looked away from you, wincing slightly. You were shocked that she left this tender, almost defenceless gesture of her son without comment. You glanced at her reddened neck from the grip of the shadows. Nichevo'ya must have hurt her badly to show signs of pain. Someone had to take her away and heal her. But you couldn't just leave him like that. "It's okay. I'll stay with you, Aleksander. I am not going anywhere." you whispered, placing a soft, tender kiss on his temple, back to making him sure he's safe. "Ivan!"

You've never been so grateful for the presence of a man hovering over you all the time. From your one glance, Ivan knew what to do next without hesitating for a moment: enter the tent full of shadows and lead Baghra out.

Now all you had to do was deal with the trembling Darkling in your arms, who seemed to cling to you like a child to a teddy bear after a nightmare.

"It's okay. They can't hurt anyone. I made sure they did not come any closer. You're safe, Sasha." you continued to whisper, stroking his back.

After a few minutes of listening to your comforting voice and heartbeat, it calmed him down enough for him to stop clinging desperately to you. He had you on his lap, running his hands over your body - making sure his shadows didn't hurt you.

You knelt like that for a while, looking into each other's eyes in silence. And for a moment, very brief and fleeting, you felt blissful, utter peace, completely forgetting about the cares waiting for you behind the tent curtain.

About people waiting for further commands from their soverenyias.

About the fact that holding you man was a terrible liar.

Love is for madmen, Y/N.

"How much of that have you heard?"

"Enough to know that you can't control them. None of them."

"I can… but only for a while." he murmured, still looking into your eyes and cupping your cheek. It took you a moment to realise what his words meant.

Your light was gone. And the Nichevo'ya themselves returned to him. Which should be impossible, considering you attacked them moments earlier. They should want to kill you. Just like Baghra.

And then the truth hit you.

Aleksander wasn't lying when he told you that you were his anchor. Only with you near him could he fully control his new power.

You didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Aleksander..." you chose to whisper his name tenderly and pull him into a kiss to calm both his maddening heart and your tangled thoughts.

You may have just saved Baghra, but will you be able to repeat your feat for someone else? Will Aleksander's shadows listen to him again and refrain from attacking you?

If Darkling had no control over them, why was he so desperate to enlarge the fold - to inflict even more pain on himself? Did he want to get rid of them this way - by exploiting most of his power? Or maybe he knew that his end was near anyway, and enlarging the fold was meant to be the culmination of his whole life? Maybe that's why he was so willing to give up a future for you. A future that he wouldn't have anyway?

You had so many questions, but the only person who knew the answers to them didn't seem willing enough to reveal their secrets. And yet... maybe it was enough just to talk to him? Before Kaz, the crows, Alina and Mal put their plan into action and got rid of him forever.

I dare you to come back and take what's yours.

Were you brave enough to confront the Black Heretic about the truth he was hiding? Did you even want to be privy to his plans?

I will have you, Kaz Brekker. But only when it's safe for both of us.

One thing was certain.

You had to choose a side.

Before it's too late to rescue your true love.

*Yes, there are two endings*

~•♤♤♤•~It's okay to love them both. I did - Katerina Petrova~•♤♤♤•~

You didn't know if you were doing the right thing.

You didn't know if removing the fold would actually solve the problem, or if it could have been solved peacefully by convincing the Otkazat'syas to create equal rights for the Grisha.

You didn't know if, after destroying the fold with Alina and giving Ravka's power to Nikolai, the situation would stabilise at all.

You didn't know if you could defeat the Darkling.

But you knew where and to whom to run as soon as the first stars appeared in the sky.

You weren't thinking at all. You just grabbed a few essentials and left everything behind as you ran straight ahead, exactly where your instincts told you to go. It's as if the moon and stars themselves led you to HIM.

Kaz was right. Crows know how to find their way to the nest.

You don't know who was more surprised. You or Inej patrolling their hideout. But you both agreed to throw yourselves into each other's arms as soon as your eyes met.

"It's good to see you." she murmured as the two of you parted. "Alina was worried that you'd changed your mind, that the Darkling had manipulated you again. Even Jes was panicking, and I have strong reason to believe Kaz is planning a way to get you out of HIS camp right now. Nina can't stand how his heart pounds every time the outside door opens."

"Then let's go inside before they storm against a hundred armed Grishas."

Inej put her arm around you and you both entered through a hidden passage to their "nest". You walked down the hall and were about to run inside when Inej grabbed your wrist and put her finger to her lips to silence you.

"For God's sake, Kaz, it's just Inej! Can you calm down before you have a heart attack because you get excited every time someone opens that damn door?!" Nina's annoyance amused you. You giggled, feeling genuine and carefree for the first time in months.

A sudden silence filled the living room. Inej dragged you with her to the entrance, confirming the crows' suspicions. You were home.

"What? No welcome hug for your moongirl? Ouch."

Jes was the first to lunge at you, nearly knocking you to the floor, and if it weren't for Alina, who was on your other side, hugging you with all her strength, you would have probably landed on the floor.

"About the damn time, Y/L/N."

You laughed a second time, hugging the rest of the crows who had joined you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Nikolai and Mal watching the scene with a smile. However, the group was effectively blocking your view of the one person you desperately wanted to see.

The tap of the staff made the crows and Alina move away from you. You were standing in front of Kaz, composed as usual, whose face showed no emotions. But the eyes… you were probably one of the few who could read those eyes.

"Missed me, Kazzle?" you asked, grinning mischievously as his nickname left your lips.

However, he didn't respond to your provocation. He stared at you for a moment, then took one slow step towards you. Then the second. Third. Fourth. His cane tapped on the old wooden floor until he stood in front of you. You were centimetres apart.

And just as you were about to make some funny, sarcastic comment, something astonishing happened. Kaz Brekker, Bastard of the Barrel, Dirtyhands HUGGED you.

You already hugged him. You were so happy and blessed by the saints that you knew the feeling of those arms around you. But he'd never done it so... calmly. As if his waters would never rise. As if Jordie couldn't appear in front of his eyes at any moment. And the soft sigh that only you could hear as he buried his face in your hair hinted at relief. Not fear. Not anxiety. Not disgusted by the touch. Just relief. And comfort.

"Welcome home, moonlight."

You didn't know how long your hug lasted or when the others left the room, leaving you alone. All you knew was that at that moment, your world was limited to the man in front of you. Your friend. A partner in crime. Your one true love.

Suddenly (much to your silent protest), he pulled away from you. You watched in surprise as he began to take off his glove. The ring stone gleamed in the candlelight, as did your white light, which unconsciously began to emanate from you the moment he hugged you.

"It belongs to you." he caught your eye, and without taking his eyes off yours, he took your left hand gently and put the ring on your finger. You shivered as his warm fingers touched your icy skin. You watched mesmerised as he leaned over your hand and placed a quick kiss on your ring finger.

"Who are you and what have you done with Kaz Brekker?" you whispered in a trembling voice, unable to believe what was happening.

"No snide remark about how unromantic I am proposing to you? Who are you and what have you done with Y/N Y/L/N?"

"You know damn well you need a bigger ring to propose to me."

"Duly noted." you giggled, which made him smile softly. You stared at each other, taking in the sight of each other and watching the changes in your appearance. You were both tired. You could tell by the dark circles under your eyes, but nothing could take away the sparkle of happiness. "I thought you'd stay. WITH HIM."

"I guess I just can't stay away from you for long. Even if there is someone who needs my help more than you."

"We need you. I… I need you." with his still-gloved hand, he cupped your cheek, never relaxing his grip on your hand as he moved closer to you. "I want you, Y/N Y/L/N. And I'm not gonna wait ages for you, just because it's never going to be safe for us. That's how we both live. Still in danger, fighting our enemies as well as we can. We can bear and deal with as many problems as no one else. If you hadn't come back for me, I would have come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together—knives drawn, pistols blazing. Because that's what we do. We never stop fighting. I… I will never stop fighting to be back with you. And those months without you… I told Pekka that the trick is not to love anything. Never, in all the years that you were gone and that I had you by my side in my worst and my best moments, have I ever realised that I was fooling myself. I loved this whole time, I still love and I'll always love."

"Kruge?" you saw him fight both his irritation and a smirk that threatened to break his bitter façade.

"I'm trying to be romantic for you here."

"And I'm trying not to cry and look even more like a mess. So forgive me for intruding on your speech with my comments you didn't anticipate, Brekker." he smiled, which made you mentally congratulate yourself on this small victory.

"I want you, Y/N Y/L/N. All of you." he suddenly let go of your hand and cupped your other cheek, moving so close that your noses were almost touching. The feel of his skin on yours was unearthly. It felt like a dream. And you'd curse any saint if it all turned out to be just another one of your dreams. "No matter what I have to do."

He was fighting with his haphephobia. For you. Because of you. And the sudden, impossible thought at that moment that you could live like in your dream crossed your mind.

You would take anything he could give you. It doesn't matter how much it would be, if it were just quick kisses on the forehead, hand, cheek, or a hug once a month. You don't care, as long as you have him.

"You've never had a problem getting what you wanted. What's stopping you now?"

And if Nina was annoyed by Brekker's rapid heart rate before, now she was furious when your heart had a fucking fit when Kaz kissed you.

You gasped in shock, freezing in place as you felt his soft lips on yours. Only after a moment, when Kaz wanted to move away from you in embarrassment, you grabbed him by the hair and pulled him to you, returning the kiss with all your longing and burning heart for him.

He must have breathed in relief as you took control and guided his inexperienced lips (although you had to be honest, he made the heat spread over you - which the sudden flash of white light illuminating the room only proved). You had to work on this sudden release of your light in his presence. Something that Brekker won't fail to joke about at the earliest opportunity.

You moved away from each other. You watched him closely, making sure he was okay. Kaz pushed your hair behind your ear and leaned in for another kiss. You were about to stop him, fearing it would be too much for him all at once, but luckily someone else interrupted you.

"Finally! The tension between you could be cut with a knife. Zenik! Give me my money! I was right—he'd pounce on her as soon as he saw her. That's my boy! Look, Wylan, how fast they grow. Only yesterday, he was our little boy who hadn't had his first kiss yet."

"Jesper." Kaz growled, glaring at him sternly. You were amazed at how quickly he went from sweet Rietveld to menacing Brekker.

"Yes, brother?"

"Run."

Jesper didn't need to be told twice. He grabbed Wylan's hand and dragged him deeper into the hideout, laughing. From the loud slam of the door, you guessed he had locked himself in their room with him.

"Saints, Kaz, you can actually look happy!" Nina decided to take over the role of the absent Jes.

"Don't be ridiculous." he snarled, taking your hand and pushing his way through the people in the hallway, probably following in Jes' footsteps and locking the two of you into his own room.

But Nina was right. There was no mistaking it for anything else. Kaz Brekker was smiling like an idiot in love. And you probably had a similar smirk on your flushed face.

~•♤♤♤•~

You made it. You and Alina destroyed the fold. With fascination, all of you watched as it slowly disappeared from the world.

But it wasn't over yet. You glanced briefly at Kaz and the crows and nodded to Alina. The final stage of your plan. Defeating the Darkling.

You and Alina separated, walking through the remnants of the fold with your own lights at the ready.

You knew you'd be the one to find him. He wouldn't mind adding even more drama to the situation.

After you left him, he tried to contact you by infiltrating your dreams, but with the two amplifires in your body, you were now too powerful for that trick to work any longer.

You walked among the worst of the remaining shadows, knowing full well that he must be among them. You could feel it through your bond.

"Aleksander." you said without turning to face him. You knew that he was there, watching you, as always.

"Y/N. Are you going to kill me?" the mockery in his question fueled your anger. You turned around, drawing your sword in front of you. You were right. He stood surrounded by the remnants of the fold that defended itself against the destructive power of you and Alina.

"You left me no other choice." you snapped back, tensing as he took a step towards you, not caring at all about the weapon in your hands.

"Your hands are shaking. It doesn't make you look like a formidable opponent, my Y/N."

"I don't want to kill you, Aleksander. I never wanted to." you decided to change your tactics. You lowered your sword and walked over to him, facing the man as you both stared at each other.

"We could have changed the world. You and me. Together."

"Yes. We could." his gaze flicked to your lips for a moment, then he looked at your eyes again, searching for any feelings in them. This time, you'll lure him into your trap. You will be his end, just like you promised him. Even though you really didn't want to. "But I was never yours, Aleksander. I was meant to be a crow. Not a saint. Not a moon summoner. Not your equal. Maybe we could have had it all, but not in this life."

"We shall meet again, Y/N. This is not the end of our story."

"Possibly…" you took a step closer, resting your forehead against his. "But it will continue only in hell." before he could summon the shadows, you blinded him with your light, and in one swift movement, you plunged your sword through his heart.

"Without me… now they will come for you." he tried to scare you by reminding you of his shadows.

"Then let them come." you took the sword out of him, flinching as black liquid began to drip from the blade to the ground. Aleksander fell to his knees. You dropped your weapon and grabbed him as you helped him lay on the ground as he took his last breaths.

"And yet I die in your arms." he paused, coughing up black blood. Your guilt increased as grief overcame you. He didn't deserve such an ending, but you knew there was no other way but his death. "Make sure there is nothing left from me. Please, Y/N. Please."

"You have my word... I'm sorry, Aleksander." he cupped your cheek with his hand, staring intently at you as death slowly took him away.

"Don't be… my sweet, little saint." his hand dropped, and his head tilted back towards the moon shining next to the sun. Aleksandr Morozova died.

You screamed, suddenly feeling the light in your chest trying to split you apart. You don't know how long you screamed air from your lungs until the pain went away. With tears still streaming from your eyes, you stood up on shaky legs.

"Y/N?!" Alina ran over to you, immediately helping you stay on your feet. "What happened? We only saw your light and heard your scream."

"I… I don't know… I… I don't feel my power, Alina." the sun summoner had no time to reply. Kaz was on the other side immediately, carefully examining your face and body for any wounds. "I'm fine, Kazzle. Will you help me? I… I promised him something."

Brekker glanced at the Darkling's lifeless body. He nodded to you, handing you his cane.

"Take it. And tell us what to do." you took it from him with trembling hands and stood leaning against it. It actually helped. It was easier for you to stand on your own two feet.

"We have to… we have to burn him."

The funeral, if you could call it that, was modest. Alina and Kaz (and later you, when you convinced Brekker that you could pick twigs with his cane) made a funeral pyre, and Alina lit it with her light.

Your power has not returned. You had your suspicions.

You stood at the burning pyre. Alina and you stared blankly at Aleksander, both in their own ways "mourning" his passing. You felt Kaz's burning, worried gaze on you as you stood holding the metal crow's head tightly in your hands.

"Are you sure that…"

"Yes, Kaz. I am okay. You don't have to worry, I'll give your cane back in a minute." he opened his mouth, ready to argue with you, but luckily, you were interrupted.

"What happened there?"Jesper asked you when the crows finally got to the three of you. They stared at the burning pyre in shock.

"I killed him… the Darkling... Aleksander. And I think I accidentally lost my powers because of it. He was an amplifier. Apparently you can only have a few before it takes your powers."

"Should we be concerned that you don't care too much?"

"No. I never wanted to be a saint. I guess it was always my destiny to be a crow." Kaz gave you a worried look. You sighed, nodding your head slightly. He knew you better than anyone else. He knew how the Darkling's death affected you. Even if you led him to it. He walked over to you and grabbed your hand, drawing letters on your skin.

I am with you. Through everything.

I know. Thank you, Kazzle.

"So this is the end?" Jesper's question pulled you both out of your silent conversation.

"Of this journey. There will be another. And another one. And another. And so many others until we all hadn't had our own palaces and tonnes of kruge." you said with a smirk, taking the hat from Kaz and putting it on your head, to the crows laughing and your boyfriend snorting.

"Sounds good to me, moongirl. Wait… we'll have to come up with a new nickname for you. But that's later. So? What's next, boss?"

Kaz glanced at Alina. She nodded at him, giving you a small, tired smile.

"Follow us." Kaz grabbed your hand and led you arm-in-arm. You both held on to his cane.

You smirked, out of the corner of your eye noticing Inej disappearing into the shadows and the rest of the crows following you. You turned your gaze to Kaz. You looked at each other, exchanging knowing smiles.

Ketterdam, your bastards are coming home.

~•♤♤♤•~It's okay to love them both. I did - Katerina Petrova~•♤♤♤•~

"What are you doing, lapushka?"

Even though he came from behind you, you didn't stop packing. You're used to him sneaking up on you when you least expect it. This time, you even felt his presence before he spoke.

"I'm packing my things."

"I can see that. My question is: WHY are you packing into your backpack instead of OUR chest?"

Several hours had passed since "the Baghra incident". The whole camp was packing up. Including you. You weren't going to stay here any longer and pretend everything was fine. Since Aleksander was going to pursue you anyway, you might as well break his heart before you leave. Just like he did with yours...

"You're a very, very clever man. I guess you can figure it out on your own. Like everything else." you replied coolly, never pausing to fold your clothes to give him even the slightest glance.

"Milaya… it was a really crappy few days. If you want to punish me, then…"

"I'm not your mother, Aleksander." you interrupted him coldly, not taking your attention for a moment from the things you were packing. "My job is not to raise, punish, admonish, or pay attention to you. But I don't think that you actually care when Baghra tries to give you some sense, so that would be pointless action from my side anyway."

"Then what is this? Manifestation of your anger and irritation? Should I get on my knees before you and apologise?"

"Well it would be nice, but as honest as saying that Ivan is our army's sunshine, so you can keep this, I believe, very considered apology for yourself."

"Then what do you want from me?"

"Nothing." your indifferent attitude annoyed him enough that he walked across the half of the tent to you in two steps and dumped the entire contents of your backpack onto the bed. "By acting like that, you're just proving me right." you replied, this time not folding anymore but immediately packing the clothes into the bag. Your mood lifted as you saw the annoyed, angry crease on his forehead.

"Right about what?! Leaving me just because…"

"THIS IS THE PROBLEM, ALEKSANDER!" you finally graced him with your gaze, turning towards the speechless man. You rarely screamed. Especially in anger. And almost never on him. "It isn't just a slight, unimportant thing that couples are fighting for. You broke my trust again! You hid the whole truth from me again! You put me in a position where I have no other choice but to leave you, so don't act like a surprised fool! It was you who broke us apart. It's always you. You want to make me the villain in our love story? Fine. Do it. But the truth is that YOU are the one who can't trust me. And yet it is you from our two who can't be trusted." during your furious monologue, you didn't even notice that you were walking up to him the whole time, until you pinned him against the wall of the tent.

You stared at him with resentful eyes, and just as you were about to pull away from him, you felt his hands on your wrist and neck. He changed your positions, moving much closer to you so that your chests were touching with each heavy breath you took in tandem.

"Careful, moonlight. You may know me, maybe even better than I do, but don't forget that I have that power over you too. If you wanted to go away, you would be now on your way to your pathetic friends' group. But you're here, talking to me. You don't want to leave. Why?"

"You know why." you whispered, refusing to admit what you both feel. You won't say the "L" word to him. Aleksander gently rubbed his nose against yours. The moment he was about to catch your lips in a kiss, you broke free from his grip and stood a few feet away from him. "But it doesn't matter what I want. I changed, Aleksander. I'm not going to stay. Not when you clearly don't want me to be your equal partner."

"I DO! Everything I do is for US!" he shouted, closing the distance between you.

"Then let me in! Completely. Not only to what's convenient for you to say to me. Or you will have no one to celebrate your great victory with. Surely not me." you growled, heading towards the exit of the tent, intending to leave him and it all behind you.

"Wait." you were not an obedient dog. He couldn't order you. "Please." the vulnerability in his voice shocked you enough to stop. A few steps from the exit. From ending everything you had ever had in common. "I was going to tell you about… about them… I just wanted to give you a little break before I put you again into my problems." you snorted in amusement, shaking your head in disbelief, when you heard the same fairy tale again. They were all right. He will never change. Not for you. "I was also scared!"

"Scared? Scared of what?" you groaned, turning to face him with folded arms.

"That I'll lose you the moment you realise I'm not as powerful as all of you think." you sighed, rubbing your forehead tiredly. You loved him. You really loved him. Despite everything he's done. But you've had enough of all of it by now.

"It isn't all about power, Aleksander. It never was. What a pity that you haven't realised it yet, after hundreds of years on this earth."

"And what choice did I have? With all those people who have always only wanted me dead? Who wanted other Grishas' deaths? Without power, you cannot do anything. You can't protect anyone by being weaker than your enemies, Y/N." he walked over to you and grabbed your hands, trying desperately to convince you to stay.

"You know what the real power is, Sasha? Family, love, friendship, loyalty—that's power. You can gain their respect, even make them fear you, and have them follow your every order without blinking, but this kingdom you want to create will not last the first century. Not if you continue to think like that. No one will follow the commands of a cruel Tsar who is afraid of losing control over everything and everyone."

"Watch your words. You're forgetting who you're talking to." he returned to this malevolent form of the Darkling. But you weren't a teenage Y/N from Ketterdam anymore. You were Grisha. Saint. Nobody and nothing could stop you.

"No. No, I don't. I'm talking with Aleksander. The man who taught me how to summon my light so I didn't have to train each day with his crazy mother. My Sasha, who stole for me chocolate for the kitchen and read to me Ravkan's fairy tales when my nightmares caught me at night. Not Kirigan or the Black Heretic. And you? Do you know who I'm talking to?" you asked, joining your hands again and forcing him to look into your eyes.

The sudden silence that filled the room after your words overwhelmed you more than your screams.

"Send for me when you know. I'm going to Kribirsk with Fedyor. You can join us when you have finally decided who you are."

You let go of his hands and gave him a disappointed look as you left the tent. You exhaled, shuddering as the chill night air hit your face, which was heated with emotion. Tears of helplessness began to come to your eyes. You couldn't change him. And even though you loved the shadow summoner in a strange way, you knew that being with him was destructive to both you and him. He couldn't be yours, and you didn't want to be his if that meant always being second to his Machiavellian plans.

Even though you and Aleksander had a fight about hiding the truth, you did it too. You weren't going anywhere with Fedyor. You went back to the crows. With a heavy heart, crying and dying inside because of the man you still loved. Feeling guilty that you left him alone and that this conversation will probably be your last until you all meet in the fold. Once he finds out you betrayed him, there's no going back. You will lose him forever.

You just hoped this whole war wouldn't end up as gruesome as in your nightmares.

And that he will be back for you.

~•♤♤♤•~

"You look like death."

Alina said as you made your way through the fold. You snorted, making room for her next to you, not taking your eyes off the shadows circling around you. If all goes your way, in two hours there won't be a trace of the fold... and neither will HE be.

"Thank you, Ali, you look as terrible in this war as I do."

"You know that's not what I mean. You miss him." you stood frozen, causing her to stop as well.

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. I don't blame you for that. It's only logical that you feel that way about him. You have history and chemistry. I remembered how all the Little Palace was too scared to get on your nerves or train with you too hard in case Aleksander would get angry at them for "hurting his Y/N".

"This is the past, Alina. We're no longer in the Little Palace." you growled at her, trying to maintain your mask of indifference. You must not care about him.

"I just want to say… that I understand if..."

"There will be no ifs, Alina. It ends here." you cut her off before she could add anything else. You had one job as a moon summoner: to destroy the fold. You had to do it. Even at the cost of burying your own heart in the process.

Alina opened her mouth, probably wanting to continue arguing with you, when suddenly even more shadows surrounded you. Alexander must have been close. Which means that nichevo'ya and volcra too.

"Let's split up. One of us will distract him."

"Why do I feel like it's supposed to be me?! Alina!" you failed to stop the sun summoner. You cursed, summoning your light and scaring away the shadows circling around you.

The more you kept them away from you, the more they attacked you. You knew you had to leave the fold as soon as possible before you lost the last of your strength. You could have had two amplifiers, but you still couldn't match the power of the fold.

You started running in the direction you came from, hoping to run out of here and find Alina.

You didn't get far before one of the volcra grabbed your cloak, knocking you to the ground. You lost your concentration for a moment, and all the light around you went out. Panicked, you only managed to summon a small orb of light, which momentarily blinded the shadow creature.

You tried to get up, but the pain in your left leg wouldn't let you. You cursed as you saw a pool of blood gathering under your leg. You impaled yourself on some roots. A glorious death awaited you.

You closed your eyes, trying to summon as much light as possible to keep the volcras away from you.

Suddenly, instead of the warmth of your power, you felt more and more cold around you. One single tear spilled from your eye as you slowly began to accept your death and imprisonment by the shadows of the fold.

However, for a long time, nothing happened. You opened your eyes uncertainly and watched in a daze as the nichevo'ya chased the volcras away from you, attacking the more aggressive ones.

"It's okay. I've got you, milaya." his soft whisper against your ear gave you more comfort than any shadow or light. And you were ashamed of how much power he had over you.

You felt him gently take you in his arms, cutting off the roots you had impaled yourself with earlier. He secured your wound and wrapped his cloak around your legs. The Nichevo'ya continued to fight the volcra around you, scaring them away from you.

"Why? Why you did it?" you asked with a trembling voice. He had no interest in saving you. Your death would only help carry out his plans. And yet he entered the fold FOR YOU. And saved you from his volcras.

"You know why, zyoma maya olya (moon of my life)."

You didn't ask him anything else. You let yourself sink into his embrace and bury your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling that comforting scent. You almost fell asleep as you rocked gently in his arms with every step he took.

Suddenly, he stopped. You looked around. You were close to the exit. You turned your gaze to him, finding his eyes already staring at you.

"Alina is waiting for you on the other side. I believe some of the crows are there too." he was about to pull you to your feet, but you stopped him by gripping his arm tightly.

"Wait." your mouth said before your brain could process what you wanted to say. He stared at you expectantly, waiting for your next move. "Please, Aleksander. Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Please don't make me choose I... I love you. I've loved you since you taught me about the constellation, since the first night you helped me with my Ketterdam's nightmares, since the first time I saw you, using the cut to save me and Alina I... I don't know how, but... I... I can't lose you. Please, Aleksander." you fell apart. Entirely. You released all your suppressed emotions, crying into his kefta, little knowing that he was fighting back his own tears.

"And what do you want me to do, milaya? I've spent ages getting to this point."

"And will you be truly happy? Is it all really worth it, Aleksander? Will you be jubilant when you enlarge the fold?" he sighed, resting his forehead against yours. You closed your eyes, listening to your rapid breathing.

"You can't just come to me, make a puppy-kicked face, say for the first time you love me, and expect me to change my hundred-year-old plans." you nudged his nose with yours, making him open his eyes to face your tearful ones, red from crying.

"Aleksander... please." you saw it. The battle that was going on inside him and the same willingness to give in to his desires and your desires to be together. And you prayed to all the saints to change his mind.

"If I do it, I'm never going to hear the end of it from my mother. You know that?"

"If it's any consolation, I promise I'll be there for you when she mocks us."

"You better do it, my little saint." he murmured, kissing your forehead as he resumed his march towards the exit of the fold.

You couldn't believe your luck. Aleksander chose you. Over his plans. You became the first and most important thing in his life.

If it was just a dream, you never wanted to wake up from it.

Despite the gravity of the situation—getting out of the fold in Aleksander's arms—you couldn't help but snort quietly into his kefta when you saw the shocked and terrified faces of your friends. The Darkling carried the moon summoner out of the fold. The most unlikely thing to see on a Monday morning.

Aleksander approached them slowly. He took his cloak off your legs and spread it on the ground, laying you on the black material. He stood next to you, making sure you were comfortable beforehand, and cleared his throat awkwardly.

You had to see the positives in this situation. At least no one had gone after him with a gun yet.

"Miss Zenik, could you look at her leg, please?" his question snapped the woman out of her stupor. She walked uncertainly over to the two of you and began to heal your wound, giving you an incredulous look.

Aleksander stood next to you, not caring more than usual about the surprised and terrified looks the others were throwing at him. Of course, Baghra spoke first.

"You're more stupid than I thought."

"Which one?" you asked for Aleksander, whom she looked at confusedly. You don't think either of them expected him to just stand by your side like that.

"You for falling so easily for him and him for letting himself be wrapped around your finger."

"Well, it's a very beautiful and powerful finger, mother." the crows' jaws dropped in surprise at this new revelation, and you rolled your eyes at the obvious malice from the now very amused Aleksander.

"I'm guessing you're not going to fight us? Will you help us or are you going to betray us, and is this another of your plans?" Alina stood in front of the group, eyeing him warily.

"I'm here for some reason. Definitely not betraying, Alina."

"Which is?" Kaz stood beside Alina, shooting the shadow summoner a hostile, distrustful look.

"My moonlight, Mr. Brekker." Aleksander reciprocated, giving him one of his darker looks. Yes, you forgot that these two can fight each other. Something will have to be done about this in the future...

"Okay, I'm done! We can move on to our plan before some jealous Western or something like this starts here." luckily, you had Nina to help you stop "the cockfight" for now.

Aleksander and Kaz rushed over to help you up. You grabbed each of them by the hand, and thanks to these two, you got to your feet. The men gave themselves furtive, hostile glances.

"Then let's go. It looks like the three of us are going to change the world together after all, Aleksander." Alina tried to defuse the tension and led you all towards the fold.

Aleksander didn't shy away from kissing you in front of Kaz before grabbing your hand and catching up with Alina, questioning her about the details of your plan.

Yes, you will definitely have to deal with these two later. But for now, the three of you were going to change the world...

"I love you too, my precious moonlight. More than you could ever know." he whispered in your ear moments before you destroyed the fold.

You didn't know what the future held for you, but you were sure of one thing.

Aleksander was supposed to keep you close to him through it all. And he will always be back for you.

[the-desilittle-bird]

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[thebigsl33p]

Last Words of A Shooting Star (Part One)

A/N: this is the longest fic I've ever written, and this is only part one. A lot of love has gone into this, I'm super excited to share it! If there any mistakes or stuff please let me know. Uh, Aleksander's kinda OOC bcs it's early days and I'm not traumatising him yet but I am gonna make everyone so miserable in Part Two, I promise, and then he'll become a mardy bastard. Masterlist will be up with the second part, and my main will be updated.

Main Masterlist

people I thought might appreciate being tagged: (If not, sorry!!!):

@augustwithquills @myanmy @noortsshift @archangelslollipop @vaguekayla @budugu @inlovewithfictionalmen444 @weallhaveadestiny @dreamlandcreations @bookloverfilmoholic @lost-tothe-centuries

Warnings: Violence - murder, not too graphic, I don't think. I think that's all, if not please let me know. tbf, canon level I think but maybe I'm delusional

Word Count: 8260

Fic Playlist:

Aleksander has always had a fascination with the night sky. He can’t help it. It’s the darkness, he thinks, it runs in his blood and makes up his flesh, how couldn’t he be absolutely enamoured with it? 

Maybe it’s because it was the only constant. 

So much of his childhood, his years as a teenager and as a young adult were spent travelling, creating new identities, learning new landscapes, new faces, new names, new buildings, all of which would disappear and be replaced every two weeks. And sure, the daytime was nice with the sun and all. But it wasn’t as peaceful, didn’t bring him that same tranquillity as when he would lay down in a field, gaze up and try to name all the constellations, find new shapes and make up new stories. 

Perhaps it all changed due to the incident at the Grisha camp. He had loved sunlight, the dark had scared him. But now, something was different - that air of peace was replaced by a penchant for the tenebrosity that the night brought with it, and a love for the small lights which decorated the dusk. 

No matter where he went, whether he was North, East, South, or West, the night-sky was the same. Always that deep monumental blue speckled with little dots - little lights, little moons, little stories - which people like him called Stars. There was nothing quite like laying in a field, feeling the cool summer breeze or the biting winter gusts and knowing that you were so small, so insignificant compared to everything that burned up in the cosmos. 

He was young then. Young and naive. And it was before her.

Looking back on it, Aleksander should’ve known better. Hadn’t the incident at the Grisha Camp taught him that? Wasn’t it what his mother drilled into him constantly? Trust no one. Never show your abilities. Touch no one. He was, politely put, a fool. 

He was a young man when his life changed, for the better and for the worse. It’s hard to remember exactly, but he believes he was around nineteen, and he remembers it was a hot summer’s evening. The day had been spent working. He couldn’t have known then, but that ‘work’ was the beginnings of The Little Palace. But back then, it was him being - as his mother would put it - foolish, and helping other Grisha travel across Ravka. They were hard to find, and even harder to trust, but gradually, slowly yet surely, he was building a good network.

But during the nights, just for a little while he could let that go. He could lay in the tall grass, head tipped towards the dark vast sky and he could stare up at the stars and pretend he was normal, that shadows weren’t absentmindedly curling around his fingers.

For some reason he struggles to remember memories before that time. They’re blurry and vague, little snippets and days that he’s lost with his extended age. But that particular night, he remembers it vividly - his long hair brushing his cheek in the wind, the hard dirt under his head, the hum of nature and bugs, the bustle of a town not so far away carried on the wind, and the stars. They were the brightest he’d ever seen them, almost restless, buzzing in their eternal placeholders. Something, he could feel, was wrong.

The image of the star falling to Earth is eternally seared into his memory.

It appeared faster than he could comprehend - one second it wasn’t there, and then one second it was. He sits up on his elbows, completely transfixed and stunned by, what he at first presumes, is a shooting star. But gradually, he realises it’s getting bigger, faster… closer.

This burning bright ball of cream yellow light, tumbling through time and space and existence, tumbling towards him. Sitting there in the field, stunned by the sight, he’s sure he can hear it fizzling and crackling, knows it’s completely impossible from this distance, but he’s certain of it. Something tugs in his chest, somewhere between unbridled intrigue and panic, his mother’s words of warning echoing in his head. The intrigue wins, it’s an easy internal battle of common sense and childlike wonder which he thought he had long abandoned. 

Aleksander scrambles to his feet, accidentally getting dirt on his palms and his trousers but he barely notices, head still tilted to the sky and his breath caught in his throat. He can see the trajectory of the star, where it will land in a section of the forest just a bit off from where he’s camping out. His eyes widen, a small smile, and before he knows it he’s stepping towards the tree-line, his black boots thudding on the ground as his footsteps get quicker and quicker. 

To anyone else, the forest might’ve seemed daunting, especially so late at night. But the Shadow Summoner stepped into it without hesitation, the wizened terrain underfoot switching to a softer crunch of twigs and leaves. Once inside, he loses sight of the star, the canopy of the forest shielding it from him, its only indication being the unnatural light it shines through the leaves onto the forest floor, making his journey easier. He dodges twigs, branches, spider-webs, ducking and batting them out of the way quickly, balancing looking at the floor and where he’s going with gazing up at the foliage covered sky for any indication he’s travelling the right way. 

He doesn’t know why he’s following after the star. He doesn’t know how he knows it’s a star. It feels more akin to when you’re in a dream, and you just know something is. Something about it compels him, drags him forward and pushes him on, deeper into the forest.

When the star makes impact, he feels it. In fact, Aleksander’s sure the entire world might’ve felt it, the shake in the trees and the ground, the birds disturbed from their midnight peace quickly fleeing their homes at the rattle of the branches and leaves, the dust-like dirt stirring. And it guides him to the star - the cracking noise it made as it hit the ground unmistakably came from a fraction to his left and so, he followed that way. 

He knows he’s getting closer when the damage becomes more destructive. It’s no longer just disturbed birds and dirt, it’s entire trees tilted at an angle as if God had pushed a finger into the dirt and tilted them, their roots peeking through the soil. But in the middle of the makeshift clearing it is dark, the disturbed dirt floating and drifting through the air and concealing his surroundings. The ground is severely dented and compacted, forming a large dark crater which Aleksander can barely peek over. 

He shuffles from the damaged treeline, his boots creaking on the soil as he tries to catch a glimpse over the edge of the vast crater, but it’s wide and deep, and the edges are loose. He’s careful, his Shadows waiting obediently for his hands to move - for some form of attack or defence. But it never comes. 

Instead, as the clouds of dirt clear, the centre of the crater gradually became more visible. The middle was, overall, smooth but it slopes and nicks here and there. He had expected to see a rock, some large grey bland thing which ultimately would’ve made this all less exciting. But what he sees instead has his eyes widening. There, in the middle of the crater, is a young woman. She’s asleep - passed out maybe - her arms loosely stretched outwards, her hair splayed, messy and white. It’s not even like he can say it’s grey, or silver, or blonde. No, her hair is white, paper white, as white as the dress she’s wearing. It fits her well, skims over her body without constricting too much movement.  He notices she has no shoes on. It dawns on him that this sleeping woman, this girl, is the Star and his brow furrows softly. 

He barely hesitates before he’s sitting on the ledge of the crater and sliding down it, his boots landing on the compacted soil with a thud. In a few strides he’s standing over the sleeping girl, and then in another quick action he crouches down and picks her up, the back of her knees bent over his arm, her waist in his other as he supports her back and her head lolls. He huffs in soft amusement, and walks back the way he came, gently hoisting her up the wall of the crater with as much care as he can, using his shadows when he has a spare hand. It’s hard, and takes a bit of manoeuvring, but he gets there eventually before he pulls himself up. It’s a surprise to him that she hasn’t woken up yet. 

He didn’t feel comfortable leaving her there like that, asleep, vulnerable and barefoot where anyone could’ve found her and not have known what they had stumbled on. He picks her up again, and begins his journey back through the forest, a little slower and with a little more care, mumbling to himself - to her - as they go. She doesn’t stir once, her head propped against his chest, her hair tickling his arm slightly. 

The journey back to where he was camping out is peaceful. It’s quiet, save for his footsteps or the rustle of clothes. Occasionally, the moonlight catches her and she sparkles a bit. Literally sparkles, reflects it like a goddamn mirror. It really is a sight to see and it makes his lips quirk up a bit. 

When they get back to the field, he’s careful. Aleksander lays her down on his mat, adds a few more logs to the fire and covers her with his coat. He thinks of checking her for injuries or damage, but decides that can wait until she wakes up. He doesn’t want to be a creep, and if she’s in pain she’s probably better off telling him when she wakes up, than him finding out for himself. 

And so, he settles himself on the other side of the campfire. He leans his head on his pack - considering the girl next to him has his mat - and tries to get what little sleep will come. 

-

When Y/N wakes, it’s in unfamiliar surroundings. The first thing she’s aware of is the cold. It’s not freezing, but it’s uncomfortable, and she tucks her legs up under her until she’s in a ball, tugging the blanket under her chin. Blanket? No. She shouldn’t have a blanket. It shouldn’t be cold… 

She sits up fast and quick, all lethargy gone from her body as her eyes widen and she takes in her surroundings. She’s in a field. On a mat. And someone’s dark, large coat is over her body. It’s early morning, the sky a pale grey, a low mist settling on her surroundings and a light dew coating the grass. She can feel heat on one side of her, but her head is turned towards the foggy treeline. She tries to recall the last things she remembers… being in the sky, existing, and then a sudden gap which she can’t figure out, and then she wakes up here. 

She’s caught in thought, trying to make sense of her surroundings when a voice says, “You’re awake.” and her head whips around. On the other side of a fresh campfire is a young man, dark eyes, long dark hair, pale skin and dark clothes. He’s roasting a rabbit over the fire - no doubt freshly caught from the knife that sits beside him. His pack sits beside him, his eyes never leave her, even as she expresses soft panic. 

She tries to get up, but her body aches, and he holds out a hand, “Easy. I’m not… I’m not going to hurt you. What’s your name?” he asks softly, waving to her to relax. 

She answers hesitantly, her eyes scanning the boy, “Y/N.” she says eventually, “You?” 

“Leonid.” Aleksander lies, looking between the campfire and her, “Are you hurt anywhere? You took… quite the fall.” 

“Funny.” Y/N says drily, “How long have you been working on that one?”

From the grin that splits his face, he’s clearly secretly pleased with his dad-joke, “Just this morning.” Leonid - Aleksander - turns a bit more serious, “Are you, though? Hurt?” 

She shakes her head, kicking the coat off her and putting it to one side so she can sit up properly, “No, I’m fine.” she mumbles, “Just achy.” 

“Mhm, I suppose that’s to be expected.” he holds the cooked rabbit out to her on a makeshift fork, “Here, eat. You’ll need it.” 

Y/N takes it hesitantly, sniffing it before picking a bit of meat off it with her fingers and eating it, “Thanks… who are you?” 

“Leonid.” He repeats. 

“No, I meant like - where am I? Who are you - like - how did you find me?” 

“Well,” he leans back on his elbows, glances around, “You’re in a field, near Vernost, in Ravka.” he says, “and I am…” his brow furrows softly as he figures out how to phrase this. She’s a Star - would she even understand the difference between Grisha and Otkazats’ya? 

He says it anyway. 

“As I said, my name’s Leonid, I’m…” he’s hesitant - would a star really have prejudices? He hopes not. He takes a foolish chance. “Grisha. You know what that is?” 

She nods, offers him what remains of the Rabbit. He waves it off, indicating that she finishes it. “Why are you helping me?” She asks, tilting her head. 

“My, you’re just full of questions.” he sighs, “I saw you fall. I wasn’t just gonna… leave you.”

“Right.” Y/N’s eyes narrow slightly, “is this your coat? Here you can have it back.” she nudges the coat towards him. 

He gives her an amused look, his eyes moving down, then back up, “I think you’ll need it more than me, zvezda.” he muses, smug almost. 

She glances down at the dress she’s wearing. It’s simple, plain, and he’s right. It’s too thin for the current weather - she’ll be better off as it warms up during the day - but for now, she accepts the coat with a small, amused huff. 

"C'mon, eat that fast," he says, indicating to the rabbit, "We've gotta get going before the sun is too high." He's already tucking away the few things he got out, "I'm gonna walk you to the nearest town, Vernost, leave you somewhere safe, okay?" he glances at her, "Get you some shoes and some more suitable clothes. Until then…”

He reaches into his pack, produces a spare undershirt and hands it to her with an almost apologetic look, "Better than nothing." she nods in thanks.

She takes the shirt with a grateful nod. Once she's finished the rabbit, she stands and hands him the mat, watching as he rolls it up and tucks that away too, and then they're set to travel. She pulls on the undershirt over her dress and while it hangs loosely it provides a bit more comfort, and then she shuffles on his coat. It’s too big for her, completely contrasts her bright eyes and white hair, the sleeves hang loosely and she has to roll them up. 

 He wants to make her as comfortable as possible, and so shows her the map he’s using, highlights the path they’ll be travelling with his finger, showing their way through the woods, worries a bit over her lack of shoes and then they’re walking. 

The path to the town is simple, through the woods, past her crater, and then a little further for about fifteen or twenty minutes. He’s careful to go first, his harsh boots making some attempt at flattening the ground for her barefoot condition. Aleksander considers picking her up - no, too weird for someone he’s just met - and she doesn’t seem to be in any pain. 

They keep walking. The sun rises higher, the morning beginning just as they make their way into Vernost. It’s a small town, but a good town. The hustle and bustle of people, farmers, artisans, builders and blacksmiths is accompanied by the gentle murmur of the small local market, travellers and locals who move between stalls and shops, horses’ hooves on the cobblestone, the crowd parting for an occasional rickety wooden carriage.

He glances over to her. The look of awe on her face is somewhere between sad and endearing. She’s struck completely by this tiny town, the smallest, simplest form of inhabitance, and yet it brings nothing but awe and wonder to her gaze. There’s a sense of yearning in the way her eyes run over everything as they walk, as if she’s desperate to take it all in, to retain it, keep it held to her chest - to make life hers. To have all of it - to know the joys and the sorrows like the back of her hand. Aleksander could practically see the light come to life behind her eyes, as if she’d finally woken up to something wonderful. 

He smiles, somewhere between amusement and appreciation, and places a hand on her shoulder to steer her through the crowds which are slowly getting busier, “Easy tiger.” he says and she laughs sheepishly. 

“It’s just all so…” she doesn’t know how to describe it, the words to explain the way her heart is racing all jam up in her throat. She has a heart. The rushing of blood, just the wind against her skin, it’s all she ever wanted to feel, and now that she can feel it, now she’s no longer confined to the night sky, she’s in complete and utter astonishment, raptured by everything around her. 

“Kinda overwhelming?” He suggests, raising an eyebrow as they walk. He’s keeping an eye out for a Cobbler - or anywhere that sells shoes, really. Again, he casts his eyes down to her bare feet and feels guilt and concern rise in him, that the streets of Vernost, nor the woods are exactly clean, and they must be hurting by now.

But one glance at her face and he can tell she barely feels it. It’s just dirt - it can be washed off. However, it doesn’t ease the guilt. 

-

The first time she ‘shines’, is over a piece of cake. 

They’d been travelling together for a few weeks now. Aleksander was a fool to think he could leave her alone in Vernost, his worries, concerns and guilt over the Star getting the better of him. They stayed for a few days there, giving her a general introduction to the workings of human life in a contained and somewhat non-threatening environment. 

In their few brief days in Vernost she tries a range of food, stews, desserts. He explains money, the current politics of the country over a bowl of stew from the Inn they were staying at, explains the prejudices and segregation of Grisha, the violence. They get her clothing, a shirt, an overvest, trousers and boots, and a small bag to carry her non-existent belongings. She folds her dress into it for the first few days - that silky silver material which catches in the moonlight - and it fits surprisingly well, tucks into the corner of the satchel. He explains to her how to read the map, all the different little symbols. In some ways, she’s like a child. Her lack of general knowledge about the world is understandable, but she catches on fast, much faster than anyone else could’ve. 

Well, they’d been travelling together for a few weeks, developing a relationship that might even be called friendship. Aleksander had to make a few adjustments to the way he travelled - he was still telling Y/N his name was Leonid - occasionally they travelled at night. Honestly, it made more sense, he felt more comfortable in the darkness, and she had more energy. But it also made them bigger targets for suspicion, people travelling at night were often suspected of Grisha related activity… which is exactly what he was doing. She was just along for the ride, and the last thing he wanted was for her to get dragged into his problems and potentially harmed. Conflicting morals, he knows. 

They’d passed through a few villages on their travels, small places which minded their own business and were good for occasional stock ups on food, water, supplies. 

He doesn’t know why he bought the slice of cake. Aleksander had decided it was good for her to develop her own independence, and so she had gone to make her own way around this small town they’d stopped in. Meanwhile, he perused the sparse shops for anything of use. 

The slices of cake were sitting in the shop window, all of them uniform in their cream decoration and the small slices of strawberries which sat inside and on top of the layers of sponge, and all of them placed delicately on little porcelain dishes. He enters the shop without thinking, purchases a slice to take away, lets the person wrap it away in a small tissue and carefully takes it, slipping it into a safe part of his own bag. He’s careful for the rest of the day in the way he moves - making sure not to squash or compromise the baked good. He can’t quite wrap his mind - nor his heart - around why he’s done it. Why did he suddenly feel the urge to buy her a slice of cake of all things. But he’s glad he did. Aleksander hopes she’ll like it. 

He presents it to her over their campfire for the evening. It’s a small thing made of dried grass and twigs or any larger pieces of wood they could find but it provides light and heat and that’s enough. They’re sitting either side of it, across from one another, having just eaten bread and cheese for dinner. Twilight is setting in the sky, and he can see it on her - the way her eyes are slightly brighter, her laugh slightly more mellow as they chat over their food. 

He reaches into his bag by his side, clears his throat and says, “I got you something.”

Y/N’s brow furrows softly, and she tilts her head as he continues, “I just… it’s small, but I thought you might like it.” and he produces a square shaped thing, slanted, and wrapped in tissue, still preserved, offering it to her in the palm of his hand over the campfire. 

She takes it gently, “What is it?” as she delicately peels back the tissue. The cake is… well, cake. The sponge is a soft pale yellow, the cream delicately placed and the strawberries are slightly softer than they should be, but won’t make too much of a difference. She raises it to her nose and hesitantly sniffs it, which gets a chuckle out of him. 

“It’s cake.” he answers, “Go on, try it.” Aleksander encourages her with a wave of his hand. 

She raises her eyebrows and lifts the cake to her mouth, taking a small bite. Her eyes instantly light up, and he laughs at her reaction as she mumbles, “Oh, Saints, this is really good..” Around a  mouthful of cake. 

She eats a bit more, and then holds it out to him, “Want some?” 

And that’s when he sees it. She’s shining. Literally glowing. Radiating light, her very skin and hair giving it off like it’s nothing. His breath hitches as she lights up the field. It’s not particularly bright, but it’s strong and it makes itself known. She’s like a mellow night light, and it only causes his smile to widen, “You’re um…”  he gestures at her - at her glowing. 

Her brow scrunches up - it’s cute - and she laughs sheepishly, “Shining?” 

“Yeah. That.” he grins, leaning back on his palms. 

She huffs, a huff of mock exasperation, “I’m sorry - I can’t… it’s not something I can really control. It just happens, y’know. Like…” She averts her eyes to the flames of the small campfire, “If I’m happy. I shine - it’s what stars do best.” They both laugh a little. 

“Well, it suits you.” Aleksander says gently - his voice much softer than he meant it to be, or than he’s comfortable with. When did he get so… compassionate? He internally grimaces, but for some reason he feels an odd sense of endearment to this girl. 

“Yeah,” She responds with a wry grin, “I should hope so. I am a star, after all.” 

And again, they both laugh. 

-

Aleksander didn’t intend to keep her with him for so long. He didn’t intend to introduce her to his friends - to his connections, to the people across the country who help him with his work. He didn’t intend to get her involved. But they’ve been travelling together for three months and in that time, he’s discovered a wide array of things. 

The first is that she’s good with a sword. Perhaps good is an understatement. She has a natural balance about her, maybe it’s her celestial nature, but watching her with a sword is like watching art. The handle sits in her palm with an easy weight, she swings it with an air of freedom and lax, yet with complete control. The blade is, undoubtedly, hers. 

They had discovered her penchant for swords in a rather unfortunate situation. They had been a touch careless. He was feeling more secure with someone else travelling at his side. And so, had paid less attention to his surroundings. If there was one con of her having her around, it was that she was a touch of a distraction. 

They had passed through a village. They stayed to briefly eat lunch sitting in the town square, and then had gone to pass on just as quick as they came. It shouldn’t have drawn attention. But it did. 

They hadn’t noticed the group of men watching them, looks of disdain on their features as they eyed up the two of them, mumbling to one another. They’d managed to avoid trouble so far, steering clear of Druskelle and negative situations, but on that day, something had given them away as both travellers and Grisha. It was hard to say what - perhaps it was the way they murmured and laughed quietly with one another, maybe the tell-tale way his hands moved. Perhaps he’d been careless and a slip of shadow had been noticed. They couldn’t say for certain. But these men, standing and sneering, they knew.

Either way, Y/N and Aleksander were followed back to where they were camping out by the night. It was just a clearing off the main path they were following, and they had been very comfortably sitting, eating, laughing as they did each and every evening, lit by firelight and accompanied by the low hum of bugs and the weather slowly turning cold. She noticed the figures first.

They seemed to come out of nowhere, far enough away that she could tap his shoulder with a quiet, “Leonid. There’s people.” 

His brow furrowed softly, and he turned over his shoulder in the direction she was looking at. Three men, two shorter, one that was a bit taller and lagged behind - all three variously armed. One man - short, dirty blonde hair and a face marred by smudges of dirt - carried a small dagger. The second, slightly taller with a slightly more muscular frame, had dark hair that was greying at the roots, a knife, and a snarl. The third and final man, the tallest of the lot was passive, but his eyes glinted in the firelight with nothing malevolence, and in his goliath hand was a sword. 

The man with the dark hair speaks first, accented and gruff, his eyes pinned to Aleksander, “Grisha, aren’t you?” he asks the question in a way that betrays he already knows the answer. 

Aleksander doesn’t answer. He’s careful. Delicate. She’s sitting behind him, watching the interaction, hesitant to move. He needs to think this through in a way that puts Y/N out of harm's way. His eyes never leave the men. 

There’s a movement out of the corner of his eye - the second man, wielding his dagger up quickly, his movements fueled by disgust. Aleksander’s quicker, raising his hand with two fingers pointed up, creating a wall of shadow which the dagger clashes against, and in that moment he’s scrambled up to his feet, grabbing Y/N by the arm and pulling her up with him. He runs. 

He’s not used to running. He’s used to fighting. But at the moment he’s responsible for two people’s safety, and so he pushes forward, yelling at her to go. He expected the men to follow. He didn’t expect the largest to go after her, the three men separating into groups of one and two. The two come after him, dagger and knife, and he has little time to worry about Y/N before they’re gaining, 

Aleksander’s efficient, his hands move fast to bring forth his shadows, forming sharp points which pierce the chests of the two men with harsh crunches, their weapons dropping into the grass as their bodies go limp, blood drooling from their mouths as the light leaves their eyes. 

He breathes a sigh of relief, but then he’s alert again at the sound of someone crying out from behind him. His head whips around, and he sees Y/N, and the largest man. He’s backing her up against the tree line, she’s almost frozen in fear when she trips over her own feet and onto her back. Her eyes widen, the man leers over her, sword readied and in a brief moment of fear and desperation she rears her legs and kicks his knees. 

The man grunts, hisses in pain as the sword drops from his hand so he can clutch at where she kicked him. Amateur. And in the next instant she’s lunged across the ground for the sword, where he dropped it, scrambling for it. She’s still on the floor, and she turns onto her back as the man’s attention is brought to her again, large hands reaching to cause her harm. 

The sound of the sword cutting into the man is almost deafening. She does it without thinking, pure survival instinct as she cuts the man's stomach, her hands firm on the handle as blood coats them both, her breathing heavy as she pulls the sword out and the man falls back, dying slowly. 

She’s frozen, and Aleksander’s eyes are almost as wide as hers. He takes a few loose footsteps towards her, a few more which are a bit firmer before he’s by her side, kneeling beside her and cleaning the blood off her cheeks with his sleeve, gently taking the sword from her iron grip and laying it beside her. 

“Are you okay?” He asks quietly, and it feels stupid. She’s covered in blood, shaking, tears in her eyes and the only thing he can think to ask is ‘are you okay’? Saints, he’s an idiot. 

He moves on, still wiping the blood off her as well as he can as she nods her head shakily, “It’s alright. You’re alright.” He says quietly. He remembers the first time he killed someone - the guilt, the fear, the horror at yourself. He frowns softly, as the thin shine of tears comes to her eyes and she looks away. 

Without thinking about it much more, he picks her up, scooping her into his arms, hooking the back of her knees over his arm as she turns and curls into his chest, her crying quiet and barely audible as he carries her back to their camp. 

-

After that, things are different. They’re closer, in a way.

Y/N keeps the sword, keeps it tucked by her side, takes care of the metal and the handle. She’s good with it, he knows for a fact, and he feels more comfortable knowing she has a means of handling herself. The emotional toll of the murder hit her hard. Perhaps, she thinks, she wasn’t meant to feel emotions like this. Her very existence is in conflict. She’s not meant to be able to feel this way, she’s meant to be a star for Saint’s sake! 

But there is something so very human in the guilt she carried in the days after the attack. She was quiet, much quieter than she usually was. At first, she was hesitant to carry the sword. So, instead he carried it for her, catching her eyes flickering towards it occasionally, the way it swung by his hip and the metal caught in the sun. 

One evening as they walked, she offered to take it instead. 

“Do you want me to take that?” she had said, a quiet, unspoken I think I’m okay now. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, “It’s not heavy, I’m okay to carry it for as long as-” 

“No, I’m sure.” She nodded, her look determined and firm, “My safety shouldn’t be your responsibility alone.” She explained, “We should be responsible for one another if we’re going to be travelling together. And I can’t do that if I’m unarmed.” 

He nodded in understanding, and softly unhooked the sword and the holder, and offered the handle to her. She took it, measuring the weight in her palm, before she put the holder on herself and slipped the sword into it. She took a breath. 

He spoke first, “I should tell you something, Y/N. Y’know, if we’re going to be stuck together for a while, I don’t want to keep you in the dark.” he said. 

She didn’t respond, simply nodded and waited for him to say what he had to say. 

“My name isn’t Leonid, I lied. I’ve spent most of my life having to conceal who I am, what I am, and so I hope you can understand and forgive my deception.” He paused, breathing relief into the night air, “My name is Aleksander.” 

“Aleksander?” She echoes, and a small, intimate smile finds her features, “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Aleksander.” She says, in that half-teasing tone he’s become so accustomed with.

He rolls his eyes but can’t fight back the grin, “You’re an ass, do you know that?” 

“Ah, you may have mentioned it once or twice.” She shrugs, unable to wipe off that teasing smile from her features. 

He huffs in mock exasperation before his tone turns softer. He’s found he has a habit of doing that. Something about her makes him better, gentler. He almost feels human around her, “I mean it Y/N,” he says quietly, “I’m sorry I lied to you, especially for so long.” 

“It’s fine,” she says with a small smile, nudging his shoulder, “You’re forgiven, if that eases your conscience.” She’s still slightly teasing, but her tone is mostly compassionate. Endearing, even. 

“Thank you,” he says, grinning as he nudges her back, “Saints, you’re insufferable.” 

She gasps, dramatically feigning offence. For a star, she’s caught onto the culture of sarcasm and drama rather well, and he laughs at her display, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as they walk. It feels right. 

“How are you finding it?” He asks, as they walk, “y’know, being human? Is it weird?” He checks in on her this way every now and then to make sure she’s not overwhelmed. But this is the first time she answers differently. 

“...As a star…” She sighed softly, weighing up her words, “You’re constantly watching. You’re up there, watching all these little people have adventures and lives and romance, and it’s… it’s yearning. You want those things too, y’know? You want to be flesh and bone as well, to feel emotion. To cry, and be happy, and be angry, and to know what love feels like. You want adventure, the big things in life like… meeting someone. Or having a family. Or getting an education. Making a difference.” She laughed softly, “But you also want the little things - like cake, for example. And music, and friendship, and to share meals with people you care about.” 

She glanced at him, and then back to the path, “I’m glad you found me. I don’t think anyone else would’ve done such a good job at making me feel welcome in a world that isn’t strictly mine.” 

Her words were soft, quiet, and sincere. And it made Aleksander’s heart stutter in his chest, but he kept his composure and managed, “I’m glad I found you too.” 

-

Aleksander takes her to a place he calls ‘the sanctuary’. 

He explains it to her on the way there - a building, a place, where Grisha can support, aid and train other Grisha. 

It’s been months since they first met, and by now the warm comfort of the summer is fading, replaced by cold golden sunlight and browned leaves, wetter grounds and harsher gales. And so, he takes her there.

The sanctuary is a medium-sized, pale stone structure, hidden away in the middle of nowhere, concealed by thick woods and trees. It’s squat, but wide, the front of it gives away nothing but a set of rounded wooden doors. He takes her hand - she’s not even sure he realises that he’s done it - and guides her with him to the front. Her sword swings at her side as she follows, standing beside him as he raps his knuckles on the wooden door a few times. 

The door opens a crack, she can’t see who’s on the other side, but Aleksander’s gaze meets theirs and they open it. On the other side is a man, short brown hair and green eyes. He’s rather skinny, but his strength is held in his eyes. He lets Aleksander in without issue, nodding his head softly. Their hands are still linked together and so, she goes to follow. 

But the brown haired man stops her, a hand coming to her chest to halt her, his eyes narrowed and dark, glancing back at Aleksander. He answers, “She’s with me, Andrei.” 

“Grisha?” The man interrogates. 

Aleksander huffs, “No, Andrei. But she’s been helping me for the past five months, let her through.” 

Andrei’s eyes narrow in suspicion, and he glances at Aleksander finally before letting his hand drop and allowing her entrance. She nods her head softly, and follows after Aleksander. Y/N feels him squeeze her hand, a quiet apology. She squeezes back as he guides her deeper into the sanctuary. They pass rooms, beds, people who nod at him as they pass and whose eyebrows furrow when they see her trailing after him, and her stark white hair. 

Inside, the sanctuary was busy. It was filled with the hum of people working, all in various clothing - some injured, some healing, some cooking, some reading, teaching, training - it was almost a wonderful study in the kindness of human nature and community that had her eyes widening. 

“Are you alright, Zvezda?” he asked softly, turning back to her over his shoulder, “Are you overwhelmed? We can…” 

“No, it’s… it’s wonderful.” She said quietly, her wide eyes meeting his, “I mean- it’s astounding. I’m good.” she nodded, indicating for him to keep going, “It’s just… in all our time travelling, I’ve never seen anything like this.” 

He laughed softly, pulling her closer by her hand, “I guess,” he grinned, “I’m proud of this place. I’m glad you can see it like that.” 

They spend at least three weeks at the Sanctuary. 

Aleksander takes his time to introduce Y/N to those around her. He shows her around to all the Healers, the Heartrenders, the Inferni, the Squalors, Tidemakers - technically, he shows her off to everyone. But no one knows, really, who - or what - she is. He doesn’t say. People press and ask and inquire, “Oh, what’s her Grisha order?” “Grisha, are you?” And everytime, one of them answers, “Oh, uh, No.” and refuse to elaborate further. 

It has the entire building utterly perplexed as to who this strange white haired girl is, and why she has the Shadow Summoner wrapped around her little finger. Not that The Star or The Shadow Summoner can see it, no, they’re completely oblivious. They don’t see how they’re quiet giggles, teasing, conversations might be perceived as intimate. Nor how the amount of time they spend together might be seen as suspicious.

But when you’ve spent everyday with a person for just over five months, all day, everyday, it’s very hard to separate yourself from the comfort they bring.

The confession comes late at night. 

Now that they’re in a place like the Sanctuary, they have their own rooms. They’re only small, and they’re a short walk away from one another, and it gives them each a privacy they haven’t experienced for a few months. For the first week - it’s nice. Having their own beds, their own time, being able to spend some of it alone with their thoughts. 

He notices it first. That he’s restless. It’s late at night, most of the building is asleep save for those on night watch, and he can barely close his eyes without feeling disturbed. He feels the need to do something - anything - and so, he gets out of bed, slipping back on his boots at the end of his bed and deciding he’s going to go for a walk. Maybe it’ll help clear his mind. 

Aleksander’s almost embarrassed. He can’t… he can’t stop thinking of her. He’s annoyed at himself for it, for letting him get that close, for letting him be so vulnerable to someone who wasn’t even human, who had a child’s grasp on the world… 

No, that was being unfair. He calms himself as he steps out of his room. He knows he’s just agitated, tired, a little giddy, and he takes a deep breath as he starts off down the corridor, careful not to let his boots thud too heavily. He doesn’t know where he’s going, he decides he’s just going to walk until he comes across something distracting or gets tired. 

His feet take him to her room. 

It’s the same size as his, and from the crack in the door he can tell she’s still awake, can hear a slight shuffling inside, candle light flickering on the floor. He realises now, why he’s there. What he’s come to do. And his heart lurches in his chest, but he understands that it’s now or hold his tongue for another few months and he doesn’t want to do that. 

Aleksander wants her to know about the Y/N shaped cavern she’s carved into his life. He wants her to know about how all those nights spent travelling in fields were not something he was willing to give up so easily - that when spring came he hoped to do it all again. With her. That he thinks of her endlessly. That when he wakes he hopes she’s still sleeping beside him, just a campfire away. And he wants her closer. He wants her. It’s as simple as that, that he wants to see her smile at him, and laugh - he doesn’t care if it’s at him or with him - Saints, he just wants her happy. 

The revelation comes to him, standing so close to her yet so far, on her bedroom doorstep. He takes a breath, steels himself to the sound of her soft humming from the other side of the door, and then raises his fist and knocks three times. 

By the first knock, the humming stops. By the second, she’s walking over to the door, he can hear her footsteps. And by the third, the handle is turning. The door opens and he lowers his hand. She’s standing on the other side. Of course it was her, he knew it was her. It doesn’t stop his heart from thudding against his ribs, nor his breath hitching quietly. 

The light from the candle makes her seem fully celestial, casting a golden hue across her features, and darkening half her face to accentuate them. It bounces off her silver hair, catching in the strands like a contained forest fire. 

“Aleksander?” Y/N greets softly, a small amused smile as she tilts her head in soft confusion, her brow furrowing. 

“Zvezda,” He greets softly, his eyes catching in the candle, so dark you can barely separate the pupil from the iris, “Can’t sleep?”

She shakes her head with a small laugh, beckoning him in with her hand, “Always got more energy during the night,” she sighs, “And it’s taking some getting used to, not sleeping in a field, not waking up…” next to you. 

But she doesn’t need to finish the sentence, he simply hums in agreement and shuts the door behind him, leaning on it, “I know, it’s a big adjustment.” He runs a hand through his long dark hair, “How are you finding the Sanctuary?” 

“It’s nice,” she says softly, briefly fixing her words in a slight hurry, “Sorry, that sounded- it’s lovely. The people are kind, the community is wonderful, food’s much better than bread and cheese and meats,” She grins, “No offence.”

He laughs, his nose wrinkling with the action, “None taken. In fact, I completely agree.” 

She sits on her bed as they talk, tucking her legs underneath her, “Can’t sleep either?” She probes.  

Aleksander shakes his head as well, “No, feeling restless. Same reasons as you.” He admits, feeling a bit more at ease with the slight indication that the comfort they feel around one another may be mutual, “I guess,” he sighs, bracing himself to admit it, “We spent so long together. A week was fine - but it’s weird. I keep on… waking up and expecting to see you.” 

“I know,” she agreed quietly with a small laugh, her head bent down to her hands in her lap, “it’s strange, isn’t it? I feel weird not… walking with you, or doing something, seeing a new town or whatnot. And I have this feeling.” She frowned softly to herself.

He tilts his head, folds his arms, “What feeling, Zvezda?” He asks, his brow furrowing gently. 

“I… I don’t know.” she said, her eyes narrowing as she looked not quite at him - but just over his shoulder - “It’s like… this…tightness.” her hand came to her chest, her nose scrunching softly, “Here. Like… nausea. But not quite - I’m not going to be sick. And I can feel my heart. And it… it feels like wanting. But stronger?” 

His eyes widened a fraction, “And uh, when do you feel it?” 

She tilted her head, her eyes zeroing in on him in confusion and uncertainty, “When…” when I think about you. “Oh.” She said quietly, “Is that what that is?” her hand gently rubbed her chest, clearly where she felt it strongest, a sheepish laugh as she turned her eyes to the candle, anywhere but him, “They don’t describe it like this in the books.” 

He breathed a sigh of relief as he realised that he wouldn’t have to explain to her that what she was feeling was, at least, a crush. If not more. Aleksander laughed softly, “No, no they do not.” 

Y/N laughed too, mildly embarrassed and still somewhat avoiding looking at him, her hands fidgeting, “Look, I’m sorry-” 

“Don’t be.” he cut her off, “Don’t be, please don’t be, you’ve done nothing wrong.” He cleared his throat and took a sharp breath, standing up from leaning on the door, “It’s… it’s  mutual, Y/N.” and he took a hesitant step towards her, “Zvezda.” He said the nickname to get her attention. 

It worked, her head turning slightly, and he continued, “Please don’t ever apologise for having feelings.” He said, his tone so much softer than he was comfortable with, “You’re a human now.” he laughed a little, crouching down in front of her as she sat on the bed, “It’s your job now. To feel. To make the most of life. So,” he said with a playful shrug, “we both have… crushes on one another.” It felt childish to say ‘crushes’ but he couldn’t think of a better word. 

“I mean…” he sighed softly, “That’s kind of… why I came here.” He confessed. 

“Really?” she asked quietly, watching him intently as he spoke. 

“Really.” he echoed, standing up. She patted the bed beside her for him to sit, and he gratefully took it, glad she was taking this all so well and she wasn’t clamming up about their feelings for one another, “Look, Y/N, Zvezda. You’ve changed my life,” he said with a small laugh of disbelief, “I mean… you’re a Star, for Saint’s sake. You are, by nature, brilliant. And you’ve been nothing short of that in the months we’ve been travelling. Even if your humour is appalling.” He softly teased, earning a playful grumble of, “It is not.” from her. 

“It is!” he insisted with a teasing grin, “You laugh at all my bad jokes, dear.” 

“Yeah well,” her initial embarrassment was beginning to fade as they engaged in their usual banter, “I think that says more about you for making the bad jokes.” to which he scoffed, and she dispersed into laughter, the two of them leaning back on the single bed. 

The laughter lasted a moment longer before fading out with a soft, content sigh. He grinned at her from where he was, a hand reaching forward for hers as he softly, half-teasingly, murmured, “You’re doing it again.” 

“Doing what?” “Shining, Zvezda.” 

“What can I say?” she laughed quietly, her head finding his shoulder, “I’m happy.”

A/N: I cannot wait to go to bed. And also to start part two. Goodnight!! <;3

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

A Steel That Went Through Hottest Fire: Chapter XXI - Putting Down Roots

Chapter Summary: A sort of epilogue. Presenting how your and your loved ones' lives look few years after the war. Did you get your happy ending? Or maybe rather a happy beginning?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky/Nikolai Lantsov, Fedyor Kaminsky/Ivan, Genya Safin/David Kostyk

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Nikolai Lantsov, Genya Safin, Baghra, Ivan, Fedyor Kaminsky, Zoya Nazyalensky, David Kostyk

Word Count: 3915

A/N: Smut alert! If you don't like it or are underage, please, don't read from "'No, I've waited long enough,' he says and enters the bedroom with you." to basically the end of this scene. Enjoy! zyoma maya olya – moon of my life eya fyela chi – I love you

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

@marrymonrich

@wonderland2425

@chelseyyouraverageluigi

@thehufflepuffavenger1

@drinix

You sprint past the corridors of the Little Palace. People usually gasp when you suddenly show up.

'Out of my way!' you shout. 'Careful, coming through! Excuse me! Sorry! Move!'

Most of them quickly jump aside, used to it. It's not the first time they see you racing with time. Some even shake their heads, amused.

Finally, you reach the doors to Aleksander's chambers and open them with a flourish. You stop in the threshold, panting. The owner of the room raises his eyebrows, not moving an inch from his spot by his table.

'Well,' he says, glancing at his watch, 'cutting it close today. A few more minutes and I would go to drag you here myself.'

'This time it's the Queen's fault,' you say, rolling your eyes, and walk to join him. 'I swear, once she finally gives birth, I'm going to visit Nina and Matthias.'

'Can I come with you?' General asks, amused.

'Naturally,' you answer and kiss his cheek in greeting. 'I wasn't planning to go without you.'

You sigh and fall on your chair. The Darkling raises his eyebrows yet again.

'What?' you ask.

'You missed,' he answers. You look at him with confusion. He taps his lips with his finger. You roll your eyes but stand up. You lean down and join your lips. You both sigh and groan quietly. Even after all those years, kissing your husband gives you the same thrill as it did when your relationship began. Same goes with calling him your 'husband'.

'Much better,' Aleksander says, satisfied, when you pull away. You shake your head and sit back down. Kirigan pours you both teas.

'How was your day?' you ask.

'Tedious, as always,' he answers. 'Keeping Novyi Zem and Kerch from killing each other is becoming bothersome. The only reason they're not doing it is thanks to our Crows.'

'Bless their souls, even though they helped to bring you down during civil war,' you say. Your husband nods in agreement.

'You will have to show up tomorrow,' he continues. 'Nikolai has a mission for you.'

You wince. Just what you need.

'You know I hate those meetings,' you groan.

'You're the peace advisor, it's your duty,' the Darkling reminds you. 'The only reason you don't have to be on every one, is because you've been bolting them anyway, because you had new ideas your Durast mind had to test out at once.'

You narrow your eyes at him. He simply smiles and drinks a sip from his cup. He frowns instantly and looks at you with disbelief.

'Did you make my tea grow cold?' he asks.

'You know better than to annoy me,' you answer innocently and drink your perfectly warm tea. You sigh with content.

'I see your trainings with Zoya are going well,' Aleksander says.

'Yes, but I preferred them when she wasn't pregnant,' you say. 'Her hormones exhaust us both. I'm seriously wondering whether she's going to kill Nikolai one day.'

'No, he has a survival instinct,' Kirigan denies, shaking his head. 'The moment the hormones take over, he runs for safety.'

'And leaves me alone with her,' you add grimly. General pats your hand.

'Your sacrifice is noted and appreciated,' he says. You scoff but move your hand to squeeze his. Comfortable silence falls between you two.

'How are things between you and Baghra?' you ask at some point. Your husband shrugs.

'Better, but we still don't trust each other completely,' he answers. 'Which is not fair, because she seems to absolutely adore you. Especially when you scold me.'

'What can I say?' you ask with a grin. 'I've always been her favourite. And don't complain. I'm yours, too.'

'That you are,' the Darkling agrees, smirking at you. His gaze roams over your body. You shiver.

'Tease,' you say. 'I know very well we can't indulge now. You promised to visit young Grisha.'

'Yes, but while I'm away, I can give you something to think about,' he says, slowly standing up. You freeze with wide eyes.

'Aleksander Kirigan, don't you dare,' you warn him. But he stands in front of you and puts hands on the armrests, caging you.

'Or what, [Y/N] Kirigan?' he asks, already kissing your neck. You smile when he calls you that, as usual since you've taken his surname.

'Or I… I… I…' you try to say, but it's very hard to concentrate when he kisses you like that. He chuckles and joins your lips in a passionate, heated kiss. You moan and press yourself to him, wanting more. Needing him.

But he pulls away. You pout. He chuckles quietly.

'I hate you,' you murmur.

'We both know you love me,' he says, winking at you. He sits back down, as if nothing happened, and returns to drinking his tea with that mischievous smirk of his.

'I hope you realise I'm going to take my revenge later,' you say flatly, frustrated beyond measure.

'Oh, I'm counting on it,' he chuckles. You glare at him.

'I promise you, you're going to change your mind,' you say. Aleksander's smile drops when he sees the look in your eyes. He's actually a bit afraid now.

'Still, I can't wait,' he says, trying to regain his composure. You just hum and drink your tea. He can see in your eyes that your vicious mind is already plotting. He gulps. Now he's gone and done it. He's in trouble, he's sure of that.

*

When hours later Kirigan walks into your shared chambers, he's surprised to see the chambers covered in darkness. He walks tentatively into the room.

'Milaya?' he calls. He gets no answer. He looks into your bedroom but he doesn't find you there. He enters the bathroom… and freezes.

You're in the bathtub. The only source of light is the moonlight coming from the windows. Your body is almost completely in the water. Only your head, neck, collarbone, tips of your breasts and that taunting leg, that's hanging on the edge, are sticking out.

General gulps. Oh, he's in trouble now. He can see that. Even more when you lazily turn your head to him and smirk.

'Hi, honey,' you greet him. 'Do you want to join me?'

Instead of answering, the Darkling hastily undresses himself. He doesn't mind how it makes you laugh. He loves your laughter, so he's happy to hear it, even if you're laughing at him.

'Have I known this would greet me when I come back, I'd have tried to do it sooner,' he murmurs, hurrying to you.

'Well, it was your idea to leave me hot and bothered for a long time,' you point out, slowly raising, showing him more of your skin. He licks his lips.

'So, how are you going to take your revenge?' he asks, watching you straddling him.

'Well, I thought about it,' you start. 'And I decided it's not fun when you're expecting it. So, I'm going to take my revenge another day.'

'That's cruel,' Aleksander hums, kissing your chest, his hands on your hips. 'Now I'll be always anxious, wondering when you will strike.'

'Exactly my point,' you say, grinning, proud of yourself. Kirigan chuckles.

'Do you want to start here or wait for when we're in bed?' he asks huskily.

'Hm, that's a very good question,' you hum and start massaging him. He groans and closes his eyes. He throws his head back.

'Milaya…' he moans.

'Saints, you're really tense,' you say, frowning. 'Looks like you're getting a massage now and the good part will take place in bed.'

'Yes, please,' he grunts and grabs you tighter when you attempt to get up. 'But stay where you are.'

'That is not exactly a good position to give a massage,' you protest, raising your eyebrows. The Darkling opens his eyes and grins.

'But I have a better view,' he explains. You huff and roll your eyes. You shake your head and do your best to give him a massage while on his lap. Which turns out to be a torture because of his groans, moans and hands wandering on your body. Soon you're both hot and bothered.

'So, how about we wash quickly and move to bed?' you suggest some time later.

'Fine by me,' your husband answers, staring at you with lust. You quickly get off of him and you both clean each other. While brushing bodies occasionally, obviously. Finally, you get out, dry yourselves and…

'Aleksander!' you squeak, when he suddenly picks you up, not letting you dress yourself. 'Put me down!'

'No, I've waited long enough,' he says and enters the bedroom with you. There, he gently lays you on the bed. Immediately, he starts kissing every inch of your body he can. He hums, satisfied, when he reaches your womanhood.

'Already wet for me,' he purrs. 'Such a good girl.'

'Hello, I can see you're hard for me,' you huff. He looks up at you and you shiver from the dark look he gives you.

'Only for you,' he declares seriously, causing you to blush. Then, he starts preparing you for him. You gasp and moan, throwing your head back, when his fingers and tongue work magic on your private parts.

'Don't stop!' you gasp, clutching the sheets tightly. He doesn't. He keeps his ministrations until he has you ready for him, drenched in sweat and your wetness. He pulls away and looms over you.

'You're so beautiful,' he murmurs, gently caressing your body. 'My gorgeous wife. I still can't believe I get to call you that.'

'Feel as if only yesterday I was confessing my love to you, huh?' you ask.

'I've been such a fool, denying my feelings for you for so long,' Kirigan says and kisses you gently. 'But now… now I can scream them as many times as I want.'

You smile at him and cup his cheek. He nuzzles into it and presses his lips to your palm.

'Are you going to get inside me or not?' you ask after a moment. He barks a laugh and slowly slides himself into you. You both moan softly.

'Ready, milaya?' he asks after a moment. You nod and he starts moving. Slowly, at first. But he speeds up with time. He wants to hear you screaming as well. His name. How good he makes you feel. He wants everyone within reach to know you're his and he's yours.

'More!' you moan. 'Harder!'

The Darkling takes your legs and puts them on his shoulders. This allows him to thrust deeper into you. He's sure your hips are going to be bruised from how hard he's gripping you. Well, just more to your collection.

'Oh, yes!' you gasp, tangling your hands in his hair. You pull and he groans. He connects your lips and you make out passionately. You move your head and kiss his neck. He grunts when you bite him softly.

'You do realise I have a meeting with a Shu-Han ambassador tomorrow?' he asks, more amused than annoyed.

'I see how she's looking at you, why do you think I did that?' you ask and kiss the spot. 'She must understand you're taken.'

'Maybe you should kiss me in front of her,' he teases you. 'Like you did during that party years ago.'

'Don't tempt me,' you murmur and join your lips again. It's messier now. Your breathing is fast and laboured. You're both close, you can feel it. You moan and move your hips to match his thrusts. He groans and goes even faster.

'I'm gonna…' you pant a moment later.

'Together,' your husband says through greeted teeth. 'One… two… three! [Y/N]!'

'Aleksander!' you cry out, as you both reach your peak. You arch your back and smile, enjoying the feeling of Kirigan filling you up. You deflate after a minute or two, or more.

'Do you want to go again?' the Darkling asks, looking up at you. You laugh and kiss him. Something tells you it's going to be a long night.

*

Nikolai is taking a walk among the gardens of the Grand Palace. His mind is elsewhere, though. He doesn't even really notice when Kirigan joins him. For a long moment they stroll together in a comfortable silence.

'Congratulations,' Aleksander finally speaks up. 'You have an heir. The line of succession is secured.'

'Yes,' Lantsov mumbles, still in shock. 'I have a daughter. I'm a father. Saints. How did that happen?'

'I imagine you and Zoya-' General starts, amused. The King quickly elbows him to the side with a huff. The Darkling laughs.

'Remind me, why do I keep you around?' Nikolai sighs.

'Because I'm keeping your country safe,' the Shadow Summoner answers. They both stop. Lantsov looks ahead, in the direction of the city.

'It still feels strange,' he says after a beat. 'Our country at peace. Not in a war with anyone. I keep expecting it to explode in our faces.'

'It won't,' Aleksander assures him. 'We've made sure of that. Ravka is strong.'

'And it's a safe place for Grisha,' the King adds, looking at General. 'Like you've always wanted.'

'Yes,' Kirigan confirms, smiling. 'At long last.'

'And we're no longer poor. That's nice as well. I hated being dependant of other countries' good will.'

'You mean Kerch's good will.'

'Yes. Speaking of other countries… are you ready for yet another meeting with them?'

'Do I need to be there? It's your child.'

'Yes, but you're the Second's Army's general… and my friend. I need you there.'

'… Very well. But know I shall hate every moment of it.'

'You think I won't? All those fake smiles, congratulations, blessings… I know it's Zoya's revenge for making her go through birth.'

'That sounds like her.'

They turn around and head back to the Grand Palace. They both smile when they see near the entrance a small gathering consisting of you, David, Baghra and Genya. All of you are smiling. Even Baghra has a shadow of it on her face.

'Does she feel happy and safe?' Nikolai asks, looking at you.

'Yes,' Aleksander confirms, feeling warmth in his heart. 'Thank you.'

'Hey, you did all the hard work,' Lantsov insists. 'I just helped out. I mean, I couldn't really help it. You two have been melting my heart with your love practically since day one. I know you were too busy staring at [Y/N], but I actually cried on your wedding.'

'[Y/N] cried on yours,' Kirigan says. The King looks at him, intrigued.

'And you?' he teases. General chuckles.

'Maybe a little,' he admits. 'It was a beautiful ceremony. And it felt good to see Zoya so happy. And I was right. She's a marvellous queen.'

'Oh, I know,' Nikolai says with a stupid grin. 'I love seeing her showing everyone that there's no messing with her nor with Ravka.'

'I especially enjoy when they cower with fear, seeing her eyes changing to one's of a dragon,' the Darkling says and chuckles. 'After one of such meetings, [Y/N] asked me, troubled, if her eyes turn to the eyes of a bee's whenever she's angry.'

'I've never noticed,' Lantsov says and ponders. 'Do they?'

'They don't for some reason. Thankfully. I imagine she would lock herself in her chambers again if they were.'

'Small mercies.'

They stop. They know they have to join your group and go to accept the congratulations from the delegations of other countries. But neither of them wants to do that just yet.

'So, when can I expect little Kirigans running around?' the King asks, smirking.

'I don't know,' Aleksander answers wistfully. 'We're not rushing. It will come with time. Or maybe not at all. I think we're good with both.'

You finally notice them and smile. You start heading their way.

'How is it Zoya rarely smiles when she sees me and [Y/N] always smiles whenever she sees you?' Nikolai asks.

'She always does,' Kirigan denies. 'You're just not looking then.'

Lantsov stares at him, surprised. He opens his mouth to say something, but just then you join them.

'Everyone is ready,' you inform them. 'We're waiting just for you.'

'We know and we're trying to prolong the moment of going there,' the King explains. You roll your eyes.

'Now you know why I'm always late to the meetings,' you say.

'Can't say I blame you,' Nikolai admits and sighs. 'Shall we?'

'Give us a moment, will you?' the Darkling asks, his eyes focused only on your face.

'Which means you will be joining us in ten minutes,' Lantsov says and shrugs. 'Fine by me. Hah, take even half an hour. I won't mind. Not at all.'

He walks away and joins others. You and your husband stare at each other with smiles.

'Hi,' you say.

'Hey,' General says, grinning. He caresses your cheek. You lean into his touch.

'Moi sol ye tselai,' he murmurs, moving so his lips are above yours. You can't help but smile.

'Zyoma maya olya,' you say. His smile widens. He cups your face and kisses you softly.

'Eya fyela chi,' he says.

'Eya fyela chi,' you reply. He puts his arms around you and hugs you. You smile and breathe in his scent. Safe and sound. Loved. Not alone. You finally have what you've longed for your whole life.

*

Baghra stirs her tea, waiting. She knows he will come late, as usual. But there will be a smile on his face. A smile she hasn't seen since Luda. She chastised him for his love for her, then. She was foolish, she knows that now. His loneliness drove him to do the unspeakable things. But maybe it was meant to be. Otherwise, he wouldn't have met you. And she knows you're the one that's supposed to be with him. Forever.

There's a knock on the door. The old woman stops the smile forming on her face. Less late than usual, but still late.

'Come in,' she invites him. The door opens and Aleksander walks in. His cheeks are rosy, but she doubts it's from the cold, and there's a smile on his face, like she's expected.

'Forgive me, mother,' he says, taking off his cloak. 'I-'

'Was busy kissing your wife, I know,' she interrupts him and raises her eyebrows. 'Or doing something more with her.'

'Not this time,' he laughs and sits opposite to her. This time she can't hide her smile. He looks at her, puzzled.

'What is it?' he asks. She scoffs. Is it that surprising to see her smiling? Hm. Maybe it is.

'Nothing,' she quickly says. Her son raises his eyebrows. He crosses his legs and arms.

'I know very well it's not,' he says. 'So? Spill it.'

'How commanding,' she says, rolling her eyes. 'You know you're not the Black General here, but my son.'

'You keep reminding me that,' he says flatly. She bites her cheek. Wrong. She's trying to mend their relationship, they both are. But her defence mechanism is working, trying to protect herself, even from her own son. And he always puts his armour on then, also trying to keep himself from getting hurt.

'It's good to see you happy,' she finally manages to say. He blinks, honestly surprised.

'I am,' he says carefully. 'And I have no nefarious plans.'

'I know that you don't,' Baghra says. '[Y/N] is making sure of that. She really is all that matters to you. I'm… sorry I ever thought otherwise.'

'You had every reason not to trust my intentions,' Aleksander says after a pause. 'Even though I've wanted your trust. Wanted you to be proud of me.'

'I am now,' she says, looking him in the eyes. 'Truly.'

He stares at her for a moment. Something blossoms in his heart. Hope? Maybe it's not too late for them yet?

'Thank you,' he says. They talk and drink tea for some time since then. The moment is gone, they're back to guarding themselves, but they're more friendly toward one another. Small steps.

Finally, he puts his cloak back on and leaves his mother's hut. She still refuses to live in the Little Palace. Maybe once their relationship is better? Who knows.

Aleksander walks toward the Little Palace. Grisha who pass him salute him, bow their heads or even smile at him. A few now don't trust him. To others he has proven himself. He's also more open now, more cheerful, so he's not that fearsome anymore. Well, they're still afraid of him, of course, he's still powerful after all, but they're no longer awfully tense around him.

'General! General!' a little girl shouts, rushing to him with her friends. 'Will you play with us today?'

'I'm afraid I don't have time, Clara,' he chuckles. 'How about tomorrow at this hour?'

'Okay!' the little Grisha answers cheerfully and looks at him hopefully. 'Will you bring Lady [Y/N] with you?'

'I'll do my best to convince her to come,' he answers, winking. The girls squeal and run away. They stop a few feet ahead, turn and wave at him. He waves back and watches them joining other Grisha children. He shakes his head fondly and gets inside the Little Palace.

'General!' he hears a moment later behind him. He turns and sees Fedyor approaching him.

'What is it?' Kirigan asks. Kaminsky catches up to him.

'Are you going to dinner today?' he asks.

'I might as well,' the Darkling sighs. '[Y/N] said she has some project she wants to finish, so she may be late. Why?'

'I just wanted to warn you,' the Heartrender explains. 'Zoya said she may drop by.'

'Ah, good to know,' the Shadow Summoner says and nods. 'Thank you, Fedyor.'

'No problem,' Kaminsky says with a smile and goes on his way. Kirigan goes to his chambers and gets to work.

A few hours later he goes to the dining hall. He frowns, as he gets closer. Usually, he can already hear Grisha chatting. But now it's suspiciously silent. He cautiously opens the door.

He stops dead in his tracks. In the middle of the room, there is a giant birthday cake. Every Grisha is standing behind it, Nikolai and some officials as well. But his eyes are on you, standing a bit to the right to the cake (Ivan, obviously, close by). You smile.

'Happy birthday, Aleksander,' you say. 'Come here and make a wish.'

Suddenly, everything strange from today makes sense. How his mother has insisted he comes and visits her. How earlier you stopped him from getting in here, distracting him with kisses and sweet words. A surprise party. Just for him.

'You didn't have to,' he says, touched, as he walks to the cake.

'Shut up and blow out the candles, so I could have cake,' Zoya says. General chuckles and stops in front of the desert. He stares at it for a moment. Then, he closes his eyes and blows out the candles. Everyone cheers and the cake is quickly cut into pieces.

'Thank you, lapushka,' he says, when you walk to him. 'Truly.'

'Of course,' you say. 'You're not going to tell me your wish, are you?'

'No,' the Darkling says, pulling you to himself. He kisses the top of your head with a smile and looks around the room, at the happy faces, at his friends, thinking about his wish.

Please, let me, and people I care about, continue to be this happy.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this story! Thank you for every comment, likes and reblogs, and I hope you will let me know what you think of this end. Because this is the finale of the story of Aleksander and his Durast Girl. I really hope you enjoyed it. As to what's next, I have some ideas, but I'm not sure when I will post something new with this pair. Thank you and I hope to see you again!

This story can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52696933/chapters/135806941

[we-were-born-to-be-free]

Hi there! I’m new to your page but I’ll take anyone who writes for my husband (mr. Benjamin Barnes) Do you think maybe you could write something where the reader is a moon summoner and she/they have like a traumatic past them makes them hide it for years until she meets Aleksander and he finds out maybe? Idk that’s pretty specific but just a thought! Have a lovely day!

Little moon - A.M

A/N: I am so sorry this took forever. I just wasn't in the right headspace. Enjoy<3

" Why can't you do anything right you fucking bitch," screamed your father. "You're such a disappointment to us. We never wanted you in our lives, let alone for you to be Grisha! We're so glad you'll be leaving forever. Don't try to come back here ever again. Fucking disappointment," he spat as he slapped you again and kicked you hard. He slammed the door shut and all you could do was lay there and cry.

You woke up with a start, tears already streaming down your face from the nightmare. You sat on the edge of your bed, trying to control your breathing. You left that life long ago when you ran away from home. You'd had enough.

Now you were safe within the walls of the Little Palace. Within the arms of Aleksander. Your love. You weren't sleeping with him because he was extremely busy with the preparations for the Winter Fete.

You had gotten onto your feet before checking what the time was. It was 3.16. You knew you wouldn't be sleeping again.

You slipped your navy-blue silk gown on and made your way to the gardens. You took the long way around, making all the unnecessary turns and stops.

Once you had gotten to your bench, you find your seat taken by Aleksander. You went and sat down next to him, making yourself comfortable against him. "What's wrong lapushka? Can't sleep" He asked.

"Nightmare," you responded, voice muffled against his kefta.

He pulled you closer into him. "When you're ready to tell me more about these nightmares that plague you, darling, I'll be right here. We have all the time in the world," he joked.

You hadn't told him why you were always getting nightmares, just that you were traumatized in your childhood. He understood that you didn't want to mention it too much. You nodded before he kissed the top of your head softly.

"Come on my little moon, you have to get more rest before you meet the king and queen later."

"Mm," you hummed. You moved your hands away from Aleksander and started playing with your powers. You were able to summon moonlight. You were the first of your kind. Your parents weren't Grisha at all.

They hated them. No wonder they hated you just as much. You sat in a comfortable silence with Aleksander. When the sun rose, he kissed your forehead again before leaving to continue with his never-ending work.

Hours later, you were dressed in your midnight blue kefta, with silver embroidery. Your hair was elegantly pinned up by Genya. You were sitting beside Aleksander, with the king and queen.

You were picking at your food, not feeling very hungry. The King called upon you, to which you responded. "I see that you been made commander of the Etherealki. How are you finding it?"

"It has been a little bit of a struggle at first, moi tsar, but I am finding it easier now,"

"I doubt they will behave with a pathetic little girl running their group."

That struck a nerve.

"I mean I know I wouldn't. It is disappointing to see what this world has come to. Girls commanding Etherealki. Pathetic."

You were shocked. How could the King of Ravka, dare say that. He was meant to protect you, to guard you from the world. He was meant to be a father figure. Your hands started shaking and you felt like you couldn't breathe properly.

"Moi tsar, I am not feeling well. With your permission, m- may I retire to my room," you asked, trying to hide the tremble in your voice. He nodded and waved you away.

You were going to have a panic attack. You weren't a stranger to episodes like these, but being in a crowded area didn't help them.

You practically ran to your room, closing the door behind you. You shrugged off your kefta before falling to your knees. Images of your father flashed through your memory. You could hear his voice, telling you how worthless you are.

Your entire body was shaking as you hid your face behind your hands, wishing that his voice would go away. Meanwhile, Aleksander noticed that you were getting nervous, and after you had dashed out of the hall, he didn't bother to excuse himself before following you to your room.

He opened the door to find you crouched down beside your bed, head in your hands. You were sobbing uncontrollably, trying to get the image of your father out of your head.

Aleksander slowly approached your trembling frame. It broke his heart to see you, his little moon, in so much pain. "Milaya?"

You didn't respond, only digging your head deeper into your knees. "Darling," he asked again.

"Don't hurt me. Please. Not again," you whimpered.

"It's just me love. It's Aleksander. Y/N, look at me darling. Let me see those pretty eyes of yours," he cooed.

Once you heard Aleksander's voice, you slowly removed your hands from your face, eyes still shut tightly. "It's okay darling, you're safe. No one can hurt you here."

Your eyes opened to beautiful grey ones, filled with worry. "Hey love."

You jumped into his arms, stumbling as he caught you. You tried to control your breathing, but you just couldn't. You were taking in more air than you needed. Aleksander noticed this and said, "Deep breaths darling. Slowly."

He took a deep breath, demonstrating the action. As you breathed slowly, you hid your face in the crook of his neck, tears still pouring out of your eyes. He rubbed your back as you calmed down, listening to his words of encouragement.

"There you go darling. Feeling better," he asked.

You nodded, still holding onto him tightly. He carried you onto your bed while he tried to find comfortable clothes for you to wear. "Sasha," you asked quietly. "Will you please stay with me tonight?"

"Of course, my little moon," he replied bringing satin pyjamas for you to change into.

Once you had changed, Aleksander was waiting for you on the bed, shirtless with sweatpants . You had placed your head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, taking comfort in knowing that he was here with you.

Aleksander cleared his throat before asking, "Darling? Who hurt you?"

Your body tensed as you answered him. "It was my father, Sasha. He used to hit me, call me names and tell me how useless I am. I was a disappointment to him," you say. "I still am."

"No, love. Don't ever say that about yourself," he says as he wipes your cheeks with his thumbs. "You are perfect, just the way you are my darling. I love you, okay. You're going to make it out of this trauma. I'll help you, my little moon. I promise."

He seals his promise with a kiss to the top of your head.

"Sasha," you ask tentatively.

"Yes my little moon," he responded.

"Thank you. For everything," you yawn. "I love you."

"I love you too, my little moon. Sleep well."

"

[dhampiravidi]

hot take: Darklina's kid wouldn't be a Sun OR Shadow Summoner...

this theory goes against the regular Grisha power "inheritance" rules (if you're Grisha, one of your parents was the same type as you), but I don't care, bc neither Alina nor Aleksander were really "normal". & that shit w/Zoya & Juris still makes me salty (no spoilers though), OP ugh.

ANYWAY--

imagine the Darklina kid having the power of gravity, kinetic energy, or merzost itself (w/the harmful effects). let me explain.

gravity is unseen. stars are basically just balls of plasma held together by gravity & a lot of movements/phenomena we study concerning outer space is thanks to the gravitational pull of a star on other stuff. also, Aleks controls the unseen, in a way.

kinetic energy = movement in general. Gambit/Remy LeBeau from the X-Men (Marvel Comics) controls this, so he can make objects spontaneously combust OR slow things down. cue the ultimate form of Etherealki!!

merzost is, in short, forbidden magic that everyone finds unpredictable & costly. but Ilya Morozova had a pretty good handle on it. he was able to resurrect his daughter using it & his exposure to it altered his blood/DNA/whatever enough to give his descendants a new Grisha power (IDK why HE didn't become a Shadow Summoner). so a merzost Grisha might be an advanced Healer, able to completely resurrect & reconstitute people. maybe they could speak to spirits. tbh merzost is just witchy jurda parem.

I've seen lots of fics about the Reader being a "Star Summoner" or a "Moon Summoner"...if you use these ideas, please tag/credit me! I'd love to see your take on these--

@starlsssankt @sankta-alina-s

[simp2537]

New book!!!

I just stared this new book for Aleksander Morozova x fem! reader. Reader is Alina’s sister and a special warrior. It’s called the moon Helios on wattpad. There is some Alina hate and stuff but not till alter in the book. I just fell in love with Aleksander and I think he deserves some who loves him. Here’s the link to the story. I hope that all who read enjoy!😉

[emmathcmpson]

{ RACHEL ZEGLER, 23, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER } Is that EMMA THOMPSON? A SENIOR originally from UPPER EAST SIDE MANHATTAN, NEW YORK, they decided to come to Ogden College to study THEATER. They’re THE GREGARIOUS on campus, but even they could get blamed for Greer’s disappearance.

wanted connections. timeline/updates. current plots.

statistics.

full name: emma isabella thompson

nicknames: n/a

gender: cisfemale

pronouns: she/her

birthday: october 12, 2000

fc: rachel zegler

zodiac: libra sun, leo moon, gemini rising

libra sun: fundamentally oriented towards fairness and justice. always-generous relativism allows her to see both sides of every situation, though this may sometimes come off as indecisive or insecure. doesn't get tied down to a single view of things—frequently questions herself and rethinks her views; more impressionable than appears. does what she says, can get a lot done. typically well-dressed.

leo moon: emotional self is dramatic, proud, expressive, idealistic, and somewhat self-centered. needs a lot of love, care, and validation from other people. finds security and safety through home and family.

gemini rising: comes across as quick-witted, chatty, eclectic, and fun, though somewhat inconsistent. in conversation, she seems probing and curious.

sexual orientation: heterosexual (maybe)

marital status: single

positive traits: extroverted, friendly, imaginative

negative traits: fragile, self-indulgent, gullible

extracurriculars: school radio station (music host), cheerleading team (captain), mental health union, acapella, theatre collective, vp of recruitment for kkg

skills.

emma is pretty gifted with a paint brush. she loves painting and drawing. she mainly uses it in her free time because she's not incredibly passionate about it. you can find her in the quad doodling away in her free time.

emma makes jewelry in her free time, as well. she runs a small etsy shop where she sells different things that she makes. she definitely does not have to, but she likes being able to share her creativity.

emma loves being able to perfect her handwriting and calligraphy. she has a keen eye for being able to copy different types of fonts or other people's handwriting. her favorite is calligraphy, however.

physical features.

eye color: dark brown

hair color: dark brown

hair type: mostly straight, has waves

height: 5′2′’

piercings: simple lobe piercing on each side

tattoos: no visible tattoos

clothing style: mixture of styles. loves preppy, classic, and minimalist fashion. wears a lot of blue and pink. can never find her wearing something that isn't designer.

jewelry: wears gold jewelry, mainly wears jewelry that she makes

character parallels.

tba

family.

antonia thompson; 48 age, socialite.

aleksander thompson; 54 years old. lawyer.

character trope.

the gregarious. someone who is the life of the party, is friends with almost everyone they meet, loves to socialize. emma knows how to throw a party and how to be the life of it. growing up, her parents threw parties each weekend for them and their business partners, trying to engage more and more into a world that emma wanted no part of. emma is a theater major, and boy is she going to use it to her own advantage. need someone to perform at your party? emma's the one. need someone to fake a break-up with to get the attention of someone else? emma's the one. she fits the mold of the character other's seek. emma loves being the center of attention, as long as it's only the good attention.

emma.

emma is the only daughter of antonia thompson, a socialite, and aleksander thompson, a famous lawyer. during her earlier years, emma was their pride and joy - their only little girl, her sweet laughter filling the room. as soon as she was old enough to talk, emma's heart was deep into singing. she would sing when she woke up, when she went down the hall, when she did anything.

academics has never been important to emma. she glided her way through high school. her parents and her argued about going to college. emma wanted to get a head start on her career as an actress, but her father wanted a different path for his daughter. of course, her father won the argument.

emma has been in a lot of shows. she's spends her summer's in community theater or off-broadway shows. she is almost always playing the main character. she has never been in the ensemble. she just has always put of main character energy and could never handle being in the background of a production.

will do anything her father asks her to do. who could win an argument between an actress and a lawyer? definitely not emma.

slacks off in her classes. somehow gets her work turned in on time. will pull the dramatics if something isn't going her way in class (i.e., she needs an extension). puts more of her energy in school play productions. she loves drama, but not if it's her own life. only within characters of a play.

incredibly sweet and boisterous. loves socializing. could do a hundred laps around a party, but never run out of things to say. will be the life of the party.

has her own etsy business where she makes handmade jewelry and signs (like birthday cards, place settings, etc). donates most of the money to women's shelters. she likes the idea of being able to make her own money, but it's not like she needs the money from her business. if she's not on stage, you can find her sitting criss crossed on the floor, putting together necklaces and other various jewelry.

greer morrison.

emma and greer's family ran in similar circles. however, emma hadn't exactly paid attention to greer as most others did. both of their families knew each other. emma had spent most of her childhood focused on her broadway dreams, so she had not officially/personally met greer until emma enrolled in ogden. of course, emma could notice the beauty and poise behind greer, knowing a girl like her could do anything and everything she wanted. emma respected the hustle, and fell into the trap of being in her social circle. emma doesn't have a distinctive memory of her and greer, most of their interactions were at parties. they were not close at all.

[jomiddlemarch]

First Words Meme

Tagged by the incredible @tortoisesshells...

Rules: post the first lines of your 10 most recent fanfics.

1. Aleksander had thanked every Saint he could think of and a few he’d probably invented when he took that first bite of Alina’s showstopper and tasted too much tsaoko and not enough fennel. (If I'm going to do something, I'll do it properly or not at all, Shadow and Bone)

2. “I think you must carry the entire weight of the world on your shoulders,” Alina said, resting her hands lightly on Aleksander’s broad back. (Though it to body first repair, Shadow and Bone)

3. “The Thornton place is to let,” Helen said. (through the whisky mists, ch. 21, All Creatures Great and Small, only picking the last of the 21 drabbles to increase variety here)

4. “You may have needed me. I never needed you.” (Can have no way but falsehood to be true?, Shadow and Bone)

5. “Here,” Audrey said, holding out a cup of tea in one hand and an old-fashioned hot water bottle wrapped in a bit of worn toweling. (Friendship is really the finest balm, All Creatures Great and Small)

6. “Plausible deniability? Plausible deniability, Alina?” Aleksander said, his voice tight and the utter absence of any nickname or endearment was not lost upon her but she knew enough not begin with anything resembling an apology. (what it is to be a thin crescent moon, Shadow and Bone, Ch. 30)

7. After the coup, after the treaties were signed and the pacts, the embassies established, after General Kirigan was installed as First Minister of the Council and seven additional training centers were set up to correspond to the most populous regions of Ravka, Erriot’h and Tris were told to exchange their crimson keftas for the pale brown that had been chosen for the Tvarynysts, that cadre of Healers who’d been found to have a particular affinity for animals. (a life of endless interest and variety, Shadow and Bone x All Creatures Great and Small)

8. “Darrowby—yes, all right, of course. I’ll tell them, straightaway,” Mrs. Hall said, setting down the telephone and looking at it as if it were a creature she had never seen before. (We shall new shadows make the other way, All Creatures Great and Small x Shadow and Bone, and yes, I’ve used this title more than once...)

9. “‘Lustrous?’ Again? How did I even, this is going to kill me—” Alina broke off, squinting at the screen as if she could arrange her eyes and eyelids in some way that would make the passage she’d been laboring over for the past hour read how she needed it to. (All shall love me and despair, Shadow and Bone)

10. “I’ve a confession to make, Anne-girl,” Gilbert said, pitching his voice just loud enough to catch her attention without risking waking Jem, who’d finally settled down to sleep in her arms after a fractious afternoon cutting his second tooth. (it is always that eternal poetry of Christmas night, Anne of Green Gables)

BONUS ROUND, from my open tab WIP:

11. “On leave Thursday next. Taking 4:15. Will need extra rations,” James read the telegram aloud again, holding the flimsy paper in his hand, though he might as well have left it propped on the mantle as he knew the words by heart. (untitled All Creatures Great and Small fic)

Tagging @orlissa @vesperass-anuna @aquitainequeen @asteraceae-blue @nervousladytraveler @oldshrewsburyian @kivrin and anyone else who wants to play!

[heliads]

just a short time chapter three: my hand was the one you reached for

Y/N L/N and Nikolai Lantsov have already fallen in love. They have yet to meet. Their stories are over and done. There is far more to the world than just one series.

this time: Alina Starkov is somewhat of an enigma. No one quite knows where she came from nor how she was found by Aleksander. Mal would know, but she cannot reach him no matter how hard she tries.

this chapter's song: the great war

chapter two / series masterlist / chapter four

Alina Starkov is not very sure of anything that she is going to do with her life, but in all fairness, she’s hardly started. The truths of her apparent innocence are everywhere she looks. The doorman at her shiny new apartment, the one her label bought for her, still calls her ‘kid’ with that same guilty tone under his breath, like even he regrets the role he has in bringing her closer to the sort of life that can only pull you down. Alina doesn’t scare easily, but she doesn’t like it when others do. Not here. 

Alina does not have much of a sense for the temperaments of big city residents, but from what she can gather, they range from colorful to fiercely independent to devastatingly sorrowful. She wonders what they’ll paint her as later, when they stop seeing her eyes as just wide and hopelessly naïve. Maybe she’ll be a martyr, maybe a temptress, maybe a ruination. All three seem equally impossible.

So too does the fact that she’s even here at all. Alina was fully prepared to live and die in a small country town, and never come all the way to the flashiest city this side of the True Sea. Keramzin is a smudge on a map, hardly labeled unless by orphan cartographers in need of proof that they came from anywhere but the dust and ashes of everyone else. Alina has always been fond of maps. Even when you’re far from home, you can trace your ink-stained finger back over the worn paper and let your soul slip back to familiar territory if your body cannot.

She’s truly far from home now. Gone are her acres of gardens, her back roads leading nowhere, her former life. The only sign that Alina hasn’t gone and left the planet altogether is the fact that she can still look up and see the sun and moon dangled in the heavens every morning and night. Even those familiar sights are changed, though; the endless light in a city that never sleeps means that Alina catalogs her days under starless skies. The only constellations she’ll get are the flickerings of lights left on in towering skyscrapers, and even those must go out on occasion.

Alina supposes that she’s meant to be more grateful about all of this. Most people would sell their soul to leave Keramzin, and the fact that she’s already been accepted by such a prominent record label is nothing short of stunning. Aleksander is well known for his power, his influence. As long as he’s in her court, she can surely have nothing to fear.

Yet Alina’s still hunting for some sign that she could ever return home. She misses her old life, that much is true. She misses it more than anything, but not more than him. There’s a boy waiting for her at home, if he hasn’t already moved on. His name is Mal Oretsev, and he’s the reason that Alina will never truly be satisfied here. The gaudiest cities could feel like home so long as he was there with her. Even when Alina had no home, no family, she had him.

Thus the loneliness cuts like a blade. Separation has never been Alina’s best friend, and it’s her cruelest enemy right now. She tries to throw herself into her work, hoping that the anguish of wanting someone with you like a phantom limb means she’ll have more inspiration for her songs, but it doesn’t work, not really.

The disappointment only ever belongs to Alina, apparently. She’s unsatisfied with her debut album, seeing only half efforts and incomplete goals, but to the general public, it’s the work of saints. Copies fly off the shelves, and people are streaming her music like it’s pure sunlight, all they need to get through a day with a smile on their face. Alina smiles and accepts their praise, but all she can think is that this means they’ll need her here for longer, that her departure date is pushed off again, if it ever existed at all.

Throughout it all, Alina keeps writing home. Mal should have her address, she made sure to give it to him before she left, but her mailbox is empty of letters bearing his name. She writes damn near constantly, keeping him up to date on everything from the thrills of guitar practice to the pitfalls of having to negotiate with record label execs, but nary a response ever returns to her. Alina counts the days since she’s left until they grow far too great in number, but even then, she still harbors a secret hope that he might come back. She just has to get through this, that’s all. At some point, it will end. It has to.

Alina Starkov is half sure that she’s already achieved all she could, and the world must agree, because in their eyes, she’s already over. Alina had spent quite a good bit of time looking for reasons to hate the agency, the label, everyone there for taking her away from her former life, but it turns out she wasn’t wrong to doubt Aleksander and his treacherous kindness. He had a way of keeping secrets that didn’t agree with her, especially when those secrets involved him using her and manipulating her contract to get what he wanted.

Alina doesn’t like being a pawn. Few people do. So, when Alina saw the chance to leave, she took it and ran for the hills. In a perfect world, this is the part where she’d be hiding away from it all with Mal, but nothing here is good, so she’s on her own. It wouldn’t be the first time. She doubts it’ll be the last.

She doesn’t have much to do, but that’s alright by her. Alina doesn’t have to do anything but survive. She has enough money and resources built up through the brief stint that she was under Aleksander’s influence that she could live on forever so long as she was careful about it. Alina doesn’t want to be anything but careful again.

She can still vividly picture that last day in her head. It had felt good, storming out, but she had taken one look over her shoulder at the friends she was leaving behind and the sweet taste of victory on her tongue started to sour. They would be proud of her for getting out, she thinks, but Saints, if she doesn’t wish they could get out as well.

Maybe that will be her fate until the end of days, to sit back in relative safety and regret it. This has been her great war, her fight without reason, but this sense of betrayal permeates her quiet haze, making Alina wonder if the surrender ever really came at all. Aleksander is still out there, still weaving his sickly web around more songbirds with stars in their eyes as of yet unsnuffed.

She’s already been replaced, or so she’s heard. There’s a new young thing in town. Her smile is brighter, her naivete is greater. Rumor has it Aleksander is swearing to all the papers in town that this stand-in is better than anyone he’s ever heard before. Alina could hate her if she tried, but instead, she just feels pity. Silently, Alina screams out a warning to the girl currently in over her head:  Y/N L/N, wherever you are, run.

No one will hear her, of course. Alina is as of yet undetectable by rivals and friends alike. She had a brief hope that, after leaving Aleksander, she would hear back from Mal, like he would know that it was alright to come out of hiding, but still nothing. She has yet to leave the city, maybe that’s what did it. One day Alina will return to rolling hills and open skies, but until then, her hand will stay empty of anyone brave enough to hold it.

Still, she misses him. As if she could do anything else. Some days she hates him for never trying to find her, and other days she vows not to cry anymore only to follow up her oaths with sobs mere moments later. Alina can justify anything in her head, but not him. Not when he was always too good for any half-effort excuses.

Alina has taken to wandering for an afternoon down to a local tea shop. It reminds her of one she used to frequent with Mal back when they were both nobodies from Keramzin. That one was different:  a little brighter, a little better, but of course that could just be the gilded glow bestowed to anyone’s favorite memories. It was called The Meadow, and to them, it was everything. Alina can remember about a thousand different mornings and evenings spent huddled together in their favorite booth, light streaming in through the window to cast the air in warm gold.

She’d run there to hide one time when she finally learned she was going to have to move to the big city for Aleksander’s record label. Alina had dropped a teacup ‘by accident’ and cut her hand pretty badly. She had hoped that the scar would ruin the expectation of prettiness no doubt required by such an important label, but no. It didn’t work, not for long. Nothing in this world ever does, but maybe that’s just the pessimism of too many harried years speaking from inside her dusty, brittle ribs.

The past whispers to her, screams from its crypt, that she will never truly be able to leave it behind. Perhaps she won’t. Alina isn’t sure that she has a choice. To distract herself, Alina clicks on the news, and hears all about how she’ll soon become an archaic relic that no one would ever remember. It almost puts a smile on her face to hear how quickly she’ll be forgotten. Anonymity would be nice, but never hers, not really. Not ever.

Alina Starkov still has one more story to tell, and of everyone to be surprised by that, she must be the most affected. The means of continuing on showed up at her doorstep, first a boy and then a girl. Nikolai Lantsov was not meant to be hers, that’s why Alina didn’t take his abrupt arrival and departure all that much to heart. Sure, it was fun to pretend for a while, but he wasn’t Mal and she wasn’t Y/N, and that made everything much more pathetic.

She did visit Y/N once, right before the news of Alina’s breakup with Nikolai went public. Alina couldn’t stay away anymore. Call it morbid curiosity, call it fascination, say what you will. Alina met her second incarnation, but she was still happy she left Aleksander’s label behind. That must be growth, or at least some sort of appeasement of ghosts long since dead.

Y/N’s a good kid, even if she gets lost in her head a little too much. Alina wants to reach out and shake her, tell her that the opinions of the public will always be there, will always be bad, but she knows Y/N has to figure that out for herself. When Y/N comes around a few weeks later and asks for her help, though, Alina isn’t about to refuse. Especially not when it involves sending Aleksander’s career to the grave once and for all.

Especially not when she hears who Nikolai got to help out in their whole battle. It has been years since Alina saw Malyen Oretsev, but she swears he’s only gotten better in that time. She opened the door to Y/N’s apartment and there he was on the threshold, ready to step inside. Alina was ready to curse him out, to fly at him in fury, but he looked up at her with that same cautious half-smile, that gaze with honor and truth, and that was it; she called off the troops, all was well.

They did technically work that day, but most of their time was spent huddled together on Y/N’s couch, talking in whispered voices about everything they’d lost. Even afterwards, Alina took him to her favorite tea shop. Mal took one step inside and absentmindedly remarked that it reminded him of the Meadow. Alina had to stare at the menu with great fixation lest she burst into tears.

It was good, though. All was healed. She was half afraid that she’d be speaking to a stranger, but no. This is Mal, she could never truly lose him. They both shared similar stories about trying to reach out to each other but never getting a response, and that’s when Alina realized that Aleksander had placed another layer of subterfuge and torment on her without her even knowing.

Forgiveness was quick after that. They missed each other, and any moment filled with misguided anger was worthless. Alina whispered a quick promise under her breath, a vow that they would never fight anymore, and even as the syllables left her tongue, she knew they would stay true until the very end. Mal sets his cup down and reaches for her hand. They are quiet, blissfully so, and Alina reads the words in between their space:  the worst is over, at last. The war is over.

series tag list: @neelia-ficrecs

grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @thatfangirl42, @amortensie, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggiesolovey

[brookston]

Holidays 8.11

Holidays

Alcatraz Day

Annual Medical Check-Up Day

Brother's Day

Burry Man Parade Day (Scotland)

Cheech and Chong Day (San Antonio, Texas)

Day of the Latvian Freedom Fighters (Latvia)

Dog Days of Summer end

Festival of Happy Feet

Fiesta de Santa Clara (New Mexico)

Flag Day (Pakistan)

Freethinkers Day

Full Moon [8th of the Year] (a.k.a. ... 

Black Cherries Moon (Traditional)

Corn Moon (England)

Dispute Moon (Celtic)

Dog Day’s Moon (Colonial)

Fruit Moon (Cherokee)

Grain Corn Moon (Alternate)

Green Corn Moon (Alternate)

Green Moon (North America)

Harvest Moon (China)

Hunger Moon (South Africa)

Lightening Moon (Neo-Pagan)

Native Wild Rice Harvest (Algonkian, Northern Cree, and Ojibwa Native Americans)

Nikini Full Moon Poya Day (Sri Lanka)

Raksha Bandhan (Parts of India, Nepal; Hindu)

Ricing Moon (Traditional)

Southern Hemisphere: Hunger, Snow, Storm, Wolf

Sturgeon Moon (Amer. Indian, Traditional)

Was Full Moon (Myanmar)

Women’s Moon (Choctaw)

Wyrt Moon (Wicca)

Gai Jatra (Cow Festival & Remembrance of People Died Last Year; Nepal)

Gay Uncles Day (a.k.a. Guncles Day)

Global Kinetic Sand Day

Green Bay Packers Day

Heroes' Day (Zimbabwe)

Ingersoll Day

Koomu Alezer’i (Elder Scrolls)

Miracle Treat Day (Canada)

Mountain Day (Japan)

National Align Your Teeth Day

National Day of Civic Hacking

National Face Mask Day

National Hip Hop Day

National Model Aviation Day

Play in the Sand Day

Presidential Joke Day

Raspberry Bombe Day

Roller Rink Day

Son and Daughter Day

SOS Day

Food & Drink Celebrations

National Instant Coffee Day

National Panini Day

National Raspberry Bombe Day

National Raspberry Tart Day

Independence Days

Balochistan (from UK, 1947) [unrecognized]

Chad (from France, 1960)

Feast Days

Athracht (a..k.a. Attracta; Christian; Saint)

Byron (Positivist; Saint)

Clare of Assisi (Christian; Saint)

Clare/Mick Foley Day (Church of the SubGenius; Saint)

Day of Honor for Oddudua (Santeria)

Equitius (Christian; Saint)

Fiacre (Christian; Saint)

Gaugericus (a.k.a. Gery; Christian; Saint)

John Henry Newman (Church of England)

Philomena (Christian; Saint)

Rakish Bandhan 2022 (Hindusim) [Last day of Śrāvaṇa]

Rum Quaffing Day (Pastafarian)

Susanna (Christian; Saint)

Taurinus of Évreux (Christian; Saint)

Tiburtius and Chromatius (Christian; Saints)

Lucky & Unlucky Days

Fortunate Day (Pagan) [32 of 53]

Prime Number Day: 223 [48 of 72]

Tomobiki (友引 Japan) [Good luck all day, except at noon.]

Premieres

Almost Human (TV Series; 2013)

American Graffiti (Film; 1973)

Atypical (TV Series; 2017)

Dangerous Minds (Film; 1995)

Doug (Animated TV Series; 1991)

Down to Earth, by Jimmy Buffett (Album; 1970)

A Hard Day’s Night (Beatles US Film; 1964)

Hey Soul Sister, by Train (Song; 2009)

Le Freak, by Chic (Song; 1978)

I Left My Heart in San Francisco, sung by Tony Bennett (Song; 1962)

The Life of Emile Zola (Film; 1938)

The Magicians, by Lev Grossman (Novel; 2009)

Party in the U.S.A., by Miley Cyrus (Song; 2009)

Pete’s Dragon (Film; 2016)

The Ren & Stimpy Show (Animated TV Series; 1991)

The Replacements (Film; 2000)

Rugrats (Animated TV Series; 1991)

Step Up (Film; 2006)

The View (TV Talk Show; 1997)

What IF…? (Animated TV Series; 2021)

Today’s Name Days

Klara, Susanna (Austria)

Jasminka, Jasna, Klara, Suzana (Croatia)

Zuzana (Czech Republic)

Herman (Denmark)

Sanna, Sanne, Susanna, Suusi (Estonia)

Sanna, Sanni, Susanna, Susanne (Finland)

Claire, Gilberte, Suzanne (France)

Klara, Susanne (Germany)

Efpious (Greece)

Tiborc, Zsuzsanna (Hungary)

Chiara, Lelia, Susanna (Italy)

Liega, Olga, Zita (Latvia)

Klara, Ligija, Visalgas, Visvilė, Zuzana (Lithuania)

Tarald, Torvald (Norway)

Aleksander, Herman, Ligia, Lukrecja, Włodzimierz, Włodziwoj, Zula, Zuzanna (Poland)

Zuzana (Slovakia)

Clara, Susana (Spain)

Susanna (Sweden)

Susanna (Ukraine)

Laila, Layla, Leila, Leilani, Lela, Lelia, Nayeli (USA)

Today is Also…

Day of Year: Day 223 of 2022; 142 days remaining in the year

ISO: Day 4 of week 32 of 2022

Celtic Tree Calendar: Coll (Hazel) [Day 6 of 28]

Chinese: Month 7 (Lányuè), Day 14 (Bing-Shen)

Chinese Year of the: Tiger (until January 22, 2023)

Hebrew: 14 Av 5782

Islamic: 13 Muharram 1444

J Cal: 13 Hasa; Fiveday [13 of 30]

Julian: 29 July 2022

Moon: 100% Full Moon

Positivist: 27 Dante (8th Month) [Byron]

Runic Half Month: As (Gods) [Day 1 of 15]

Season: Summer (Day 52 of 90)

Zodiac: Leo (Day 20 of 31)

Calendar Changes

As (Gods) [Half-Month 16 of 24; Runic Half-Months] (thru 8.25)

[nycbagcls]

timothée chalamet.     he/they.     cis man.      ›spotted   at   the   met   steps   ,   aleksander elisha wylie  ,   most   likely   listening   to  day ‘n’ nite   by   kid cudi   with   their   airpods   pro   .   the   twenty six   gained   quite   a   reputation   ,   known   to   be   -uptight   yet   +passionate   to   anyone   who   knows   them   .   you'll   easily   spot   them   when   you   hear   about  late nights, face buried in his hands, thunder storming outside, striving to prove his worth to a father who will never see it ;; a gorgeous view from a penthouse overlooking central park, music playing through built-in speakers, has he ever felt so lonely before? ;; a framed masters of business administration, but memories most joyous from art history classes & wandering new haven with friends he hasn’t seen in years ;; the desire to sit in the met for hours, staring at the works of monet, wishing to feel the peace the paintings evoke  ,   followed   by   tobacco vanille by tom ford   .   latest   nepoupdates   article   talks   about   he genuinely had fun for once? he was out in the west village, done up in glitter and eyeshadow, his hands on another man’s waist as they danced. some even say that he was laughing   ,   but   i   guess   any   reputation   is   good   reputation   . (muse g // subplot 3)

hi everyone :) i'm s, my pronouns are they/them, and here's aleksander, whom i love! feel free to reach out any time, i'm always around!

DEMOGRAPHICS

name: aleksander elisha wylie

nicknames: he hasn't been called by anything but aleksander since he was in school. long time friends may call him alek, aleks, aleksy, or alie, but he'll just introduce himself as aleksander in most situations

age: 26

gender: he/they pronouns, he says cis man because he doesn't want to think about it too hard. probably closer to the genderqueer spectrum than he'd admit

occupation: assistant to the cfo at wylie & associates.

sexuality: bisexual

residence: penthouse in one of those new buildings on central park south

languages: english, french, italian, spanish (fluent) // mandarin, japanese (conversational) // yiddish, portuguese, korean, greek (learning)

social class: upper 

education level: mba from yale, bachelor's in econometrics and quantitative economics, also from yale

APPERANCE

height: 5′11

build: twink (with love and admiration in my voice), some muscle but that's because he uses the gym instead of therapy as an outlet

hair: brown, curly, very well taken care of, kept neat

eyes: hazel

piercings: two helix piercings in his right ear from his time as an undergrad, he doesn't actively wear them anymore for the business' appearance's sake.

tattoos: none 

PERSONALITY

+ passionate, driven, hardworking, loyal to a fault, creative

- uptight, petulant, overthinker, stubborn 

aesthetics: late nights, face buried in his hands, thunder storming outside, striving to prove his worth to a father who will never see it // a gorgeous view from a penthouse overlooking central park, music playing through built-in speakers, has he ever felt so lonely before? // a framed masters of business administration, but memories most joyous from art history classes & wandering new haven with friends he hasn’t seen in years // the desire to sit in the met for hours, staring at the works of monet, wishing to feel the peace the paintings evoke // the moon to his sister's sun, in shadow most of the day, keeping to himself so as not to draw his father's disapproving gaze // two am on a saturday in june. glitter around his eyes. finally, finally, a chance to escape! dancing in the west village, ignoring the eyes on him, for he isn't even thirty, and burnout aches. he's here to have fun. 

PEOPLE TO KNOW (NPCs unless otherwise noted)

lucia piersanti (wylie), (retired) model & heiress mother

richard wylie, ceo of wylie & associates father 

muse h, younger sister (player character)

martha novak housekeeper & second mother

SKILLS, HOBBIES, MISC INFO

hobbies ;; art (appreciation, he can't paint or draw to save his life), reading (fiction, privately. there's a hidden stack of romance books tucked away in the apartment that's far too big for one person), traveling, dancing, working out (again, in place of therapy), played piano for ten years growing up, thinks he doesn't retain much but would entertain picking it up again if he had more free time

likes ;; fresh fruit, swimming in the ocean, well-tailored clothes, the way he looks with eyeshadow on, kissing, silk sheets, white wine, new york sports (the yankees, the knicks, the giants, the rangers), privacy, live music & theatre, when his sister stays out of the tabloids for one singular week, he's practically begging her at this point.

dislikes ;; mosquitoes, humidity, people he doesn't know making assumptions about his life, business, the tabloids, the fact that he can't just go out and buy a bagel without eyes on him, the distaste his father seems to have for him, the fact that his mother abandons the family more often than she's ever been there for them, not being listened to.

style ;; for work, finely tailored italian suits, frequently sans-tie, with an excessive collection of pocket squares. otherwise, colors. bright colors, ignoring gender norms, low necklines, jackets sans-shirt, sunglasses as a frequent accessory, athletic wear when he's trying to be more lowkey.

ABOUT

trigger warnings for parental neglect, self-loathing

aleksander doesn't really have a noteworthy story. he was born in new york, and that's where he's lived most of his life. he spent summers abroad, and his college years at yale, but, otherwise, it's always been (and always will be) new york.

he knows very well what his father wants of him. he knows he's been groomed since birth to be the ceo of wylie and associates. when richard inevitably retires (or works himself to death, whichever comes first). however, aleksander has never been interested in business. sure, he's good at it, but it doesn't, as marie kondo says, spark joy. nevertheless, he was put on a business track from the day he learned the alphabet, whether or not he recognized the fact that it was happening.

growing up, aleksander was a quiet boy. he had few close friends, despite the fact that no one seemed to think too negatively of him. sure, he was as stubborn then as he is now, but he didn't have the burden of his future weighing down on him until his junior year of high school rolled around, and he realized he really wasn't going to have a say in his future.

as a child, he and his younger sister were incredibly close. all the way through his high school years, whenever he needed support, he'd go to her, and he expected that she would do the same for him. that was the way things were in their household until aleksander's junior year, until he realized that his future was predetermined, that she had the freedom he desperately craved. he would never outwardly say that he was jealous of her, but that thought dug its way into his brain and hasn't left since. she's been able to act up, drop out of school, end up in the tabloids every other day, and he's had to keep his head down, behave as a wylie ought to, or risk even further alienation. he hates it, and wishes that things were different.

he has never heard his father say that he's proud of him. he's never heard even a good job or a well done out of his mouth. it's almost embarrassing, how much aleksander strives for his approval, though he'd never admit it to anyone. he truly believes he'll never be good enough for him.

yale is a family tradition. his father went there, his grandfather went there, hell, there's a wing of the business school named after them. aleksander barely had to apply before the congratulations email hit his inbox. he earned his masters five years later, graduating summa cum laude, and not even then did his father seem impressed.

aleksander has been working within the company since his graduation. his official title is assistant to the cfo, but he (and the world) knows that it's just a nepotism position; that he was born and bred to be the next ceo. aleksander fears that he'll work himself to death before his father does, though.

sometimes, he likes to dream about what his life would be like if he hadn't been born the eldest wylie. he likes to think that he'd have a small apartment in the west village (close enough to his favorite bars, his favorite eateries, his community), a degree in art history, or perhaps english literature, and some job that the pay didn't matter as long as he could afford rent and his habits of going out and buying drinks for the people he's with. he wouldn't have friends who only stuck around because of his name. maybe he'd like what he saw when he looked in the mirror in the morning more than he likes what he sees now. all he truly wants is peace, quiet, and someone to share a life with, but the burden currently on his shoulders can be crushing.

GOSSIP

he genuinely had fun for once? he was out in the west village, done up in glitter and eyeshadow, his hands on another man’s waist as they danced. some even say that he was laughing.

aleksander genuinely loves going out dancing - it's the only time you'll see him loudly & publicly expressing himself. he loves expressing himself through clothing, through music, through makeup, though it feels like in his current day-to-day life, he just can't do that. it's not allowed. but, sometimes, he'll allow himself a night on the town, a night where he doesn't care whose eyes are on him, a night where he'll actually, truly, allow himself to laugh, to sing in public, to dance as if no one's watching. to kiss boys, to kiss girls, to kiss people who identify as neither. hands roaming in bathrooms, buying shots for everyone, and then disappearing back to midtown before the sun rises - after all, he's got work in the financial district in the morning.

CONNECTIONS

best friend — (  someone around their age that also grew up on the upper east side ). this is the only person aleksander has constantly kept in touch with his whole life. they know everything there is to know about him, and they're the first one he calls when he's struggling. he views them as a sibling. - ) //

friends — (  if they reached out to him, aleksander would agree to hang out with them. it's rare that he'd reach out, though. ) //

coworkers / people through work — (  aleksander hates to admit that these people are the ones he spends the most time around. he hates to think that he doesn't really have a life outside of work. they see him every day, but do they know him? ) //

bad influences — (  these are the people who want aleksander to start living more, but not in the sense that he intends, more in the sense that they want to see his name start showing up in the tabloids alongside his sister's. ) //

family friends/frenemies — (  they may or may not like each other, but their families have known each other for a long time. these are the people who would be at his mother's galas, his father's holiday dinners, and everything in between while they were growing up. ) //

hookups — (  "wait, aleksander wylie fucks? no fucking way." these are one night stands. he does not want to drag anyone into his family's shit. or, honestly, his shit. ) // any gender !

the hookup — (  okay, maybe one person got dragged into his family's shit. this is the one he keeps going back to. the one who knows the doormen in his lobby by name. the one who may or may not have an extra pair of clothes in his closet. the one who he will not drag into his family's shit. ) // this is probably someone else who's queer

[nd-poite]

My Pride and Joy/10+ of Ongoing Therapy

Synopsis - Spoilers

Inspiration

Character Studies: Main Cast - Spoilers

"Jagger" - Do No Evil/Guy Fawkes/Bloodstone

Stonewall "Stoney" - Joe Blow

Castor "Cresh" - Thomas Other

Jade + MacBain - Lady Fawkes/The Thief

Collin - Dr. Avery Mann

"Ajax" - Richard Roe

Davie Peets - Harry Blowfish/ Dr. Death

Jackson - Speak No Evil/John Doe

Iris "Sydney" - See No Evil/Sally Sixpack

Annabelle "Moon" - Hear no Evil/ Jane Doe

Character Studies: Secondary Cast - Spoilers

Random Classmates Roster

Mr. X & Mr. C - Captain

Aleksander/Duckie - Top-Hat

Rochelle "Rocky" - Mary Jane

Amelia

Emery

Violet

Valentine

Timeline - Spoilers

World Building Pt. 1 - Creatures - Spoilers

The History of Vampires + Vampire Lore

History

Rules and Lore

Bloodlines + Marriage

— 1st Generation

— 2nd Generation

— 3rd Generation

— 4th Generation

— 5th Generation

Bloodlines in Detail

Mermaids

Dragons + Harpies

AI + Synthetics

Undead/Zombies

Ghosts + Ghouls

Naga/Lamia + Gorgons

Satyrs + Centaurs

Gargoyles + Elementals

Fae/Elves/Sprites

Mummies

Gods & Sky-Men/Eldritch

Nymphs + Elementals

Wizards/Witches

Weres/Shapeshifters

World Building Pt. 2 - Places

Upper Class: Champion City

Middle Class: Valleyview

Middle Class: New Walpurgis

Lower Class: Blackridge

World Building Pt. 3 - The Mythology Gag/World Rules

Past

Present

Lore?

The Story So Far. . .

1 he’s 11

2 yes 12

3 he’s 13

4 he’s 14

5 Jackson

6 Iris

7 Belle

8 Creed came back to school after a mysterious summer 15

9 he’s 16

10 he’s 17

Interlude

[sankta-alina-s]

//For Alina!!! Post Alusina's mating night?//

He laughed, pressing a kiss to her neck. His fingers running up her side. She hummed, twisting to straddle him and kiss him hard.

"I'm serious, I outrank you here. Stay."

His eyes softened and he dragged her into deep kiss, fingers curling into her hair.

"You know I can't Starshine. It's just two weeks and then I'll see you again."

He fought to keep his voice steady, allowing their souls to touch, the things the Leyline Delta had shown them....

Fates, was this what his parents and Xaden felt? It was as terrifying as he'd imagined it to be.

How did they get anything done?

He held her chin, pressing soft kisses all over her face before she hid her face in his chest.

So shy, his mate.

He beamed, she must have seen his joy looking at him in awe. She leaned up to kiss him, only pulling apart when they heard the knock.

"You need to smile more, I like it."

The smirk wasn't as cutting as usual.

"So if I'm in your court I'm at your beck and call then? Does that mean in mine -"

------

They'd said their more private goodbyes this morning. Still, he felt like a pit was forming, he barely payed attention to his brothers ribbing.

He was sure they'd been doing that all morning especially Aza and Sasha.

The sudden silence finally forced him to turn from the waiting carriages. Alusina stood with her grandmother and sister. They moved toward each other, their guards staying back to give them privacy.

She looked far more composed, he was selfishly thankful. If she'd asked him again to stay he would have.

Fates, he would have given her the moon if she'd asked for it.

What was happening to him? Was this love? He felt like he was drowning and flying at -

You're brooding again Your Highness.

His eyes light up, the connection was so easy to use.

Are you ordering me not to Your Grace?

She made a face and rolled her eyes.

If I did would you listen to me?

No. But maybe if you'd asked me like you had this morning -

"Alaric!"

He smirked, closing the distance on impulse. His fingers pushed the hair behind her ear. He could feel the moment she melted.

And damn did it feel good to have someone trust hands that were stained with so much blood.

"Yes Alusina?"

She valiantly fought off the blush but he still saw it over the powders and cosmetics she wore.

She brushed his hand away and stepped back.

"Go back to your little ship husband."

He rolled his eyes turning on his heel to walk past his brothers.

He could feel their stares and their iron will not to make a scene. He knew it was going to be bad if Aleksander and Azriel were actually agreeing with each other.

Alusina exhaled and turned away, meeting Alina's eyes. The hope, hadn't she been the one who kept insisting this could be good?

That's basically all she'd told her of their night together. And now he was going to be gone for two weeks and she swallowed shattered pieces of her heart.

She'd survived a war, she'd survived so much death. Why was this the thing that made her feel like crying?

She bit her lip, watching him walk away, he was shaking his head at something Xaden was hissing.

So he hadn't told them either.

She should end this on a dignified note like her grandmother would want. Sure there was no courtiers here but the staff would talk.

She should turn away, her resolve broke when he glanced back at her.

She ran to him, reaching for his collar. Her grip tight as she leaned up into his space.

Safe.

He was safe.

The last time she'd felt anything close to that her parents had been alive.

"You better be alive when I see you in two weeks."

She wanted to kiss him, wanted a genuine private moment but She settled for that.

For now.

Things had turned out better than Alina could've ever expected. The dread she and her sister had held over the elder marrying was for naught. Alina was happy for Alusina as she couldn't stand the thought of her sister suffering through a miserable marriage in exchange for their safety. She and her new mate had not been wed long, but already Alina could tell that they'd formed a strong connection.

She reached for her sister's hand after Alusina's last minute word with her mate.

"It'll be alright," she said, watching as the group departed. "They know what they're doing." Their strength would not fail them; she had to hope that.

[brookstonalmanac]

Events 1.9 (after 1940)

1941 – World War II: First flight of the Avro Lancaster. 1945 – World War II: The Sixth United States Army begins the invasion of Lingayen Gulf. 1957 – British Prime Minister Sir Anthony Eden resigns from office following his failure to retake the Suez Canal from Egyptian sovereignty. 1959 – The Vega de Tera dam fails, triggering a disastrous flood that nearly destroys the town of Ribadelago and kills 144 residents. 1960 – President of Egypt Gamal Abdel Nasser opens construction on the Aswan Dam by detonating ten tons of dynamite to demolish twenty tons of granite on the east bank of the Nile. 1961 – British authorities announce they have uncovered the Soviet Portland Spy Ring in London. 1962 – Apollo program: NASA announces plans to build the C-5 rocket launch vehicle, then known as the "Advanced Saturn", to carry human beings to the Moon. 1964 – Martyrs' Day: Several Panamanian youths try to raise the Panamanian flag in the U.S.-controlled Panama Canal Zone, leading to fighting between U.S. military and Panamanian civilians. 1991 – Representatives from the United States and Iraq meet at the Geneva Peace Conference to try to find a peaceful resolution to the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait. 1992 – The Assembly of the Serb People in Bosnia and Herzegovina proclaims the creation of Republika Srpska, a new state within Yugoslavia. 1992 – The first discoveries of extrasolar planets are announced by astronomers Aleksander Wolszczan and Dale Frail. They discovered two planets orbiting the pulsar PSR 1257+12. 1996 – First Chechen War: Chechen separatists launch a raid against the helicopter airfield and later a civilian hospital in the city of Kizlyar in the neighboring Dagestan, which turns into a massive hostage crisis involving thousands of civilians. 1997 – Comair Flight 3272 crashes in Raisinville Township in Monroe County, Michigan, killing 29 people. 2003 – TANS Perú Flight 222 crashes on approach to Chachapoyas Airport in Chachapoyas, Peru, killing 46 people. 2004 – An inflatable boat carrying illegal Albanian emigrants stalls near the Karaburun Peninsula en route to Brindisi, Italy; exposure to the elements kills 28. This is the second deadliest marine disaster in Albanian history. 2005 – Mahmoud Abbas wins the election to succeed Yasser Arafat as President of the Palestinian National Authority, replacing interim president Rawhi Fattouh. 2005 – The Sudan People's Liberation Movement and the Government of Sudan sign the Comprehensive Peace Agreement to end the Second Sudanese Civil War. 2007 – Apple CEO Steve Jobs introduces the original iPhone at a Macworld keynote in San Francisco. 2011 – Iran Air Flight 277 crashes near Urmia in the northwest of the country, in icy conditions, killing 77 people. 2014 – An explosion at a Mitsubishi Materials chemical plant in Yokkaichi, Japan, kills at least five people and injures 17 others. 2015 – The perpetrators of the Charlie Hebdo shooting in Paris two days earlier are both killed after a hostage situation; a second hostage situation, related to the Charlie Hebdo shooting, occurs at a Jewish market in Vincennes. 2015 – A mass poisoning at a funeral in Mozambique involving beer that was contaminated with Burkholderia gladioli leaves 75 dead and over 230 people ill. 2021 – Sriwijaya Air Flight 182 crashes north of Jakarta, Indonesia, killing all 62 people on board.

[wesper-ao3feed]

Hollow Moon

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/LMYA0VT by Sissytobitch10seconds Jesper likes taking little odd jobs, they let him meet new people. Very pretty people, that he likes collecting. Despite the fact that he already has four of them waiting for him back home, he can't help but flirt with the woman that just walked into his friend's bar. Words: 6388, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 2 of Birdsong Fandoms: Grishaverse - Fandom, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M Characters: Jesper Fahey, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Wylan Van Eck, Alina Starkov, Genya Safin, David Kostyk, Nikolai Lantsov, Zoya Nazyalensky, Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Nina Zenik, Kaz Brekker/Jesper Fahey/Inej Ghafa/Matthias Helvar/Wylan Van Eck/Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey/Matthias Helvar, Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Matthias Helvar Lives, Minor Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky, Minor The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Polyamory, Polycrows - Freeform, Healthy Relationships, Healthy Communication, Song: Hollow Moon (The Crane Wives), Flirting, Bartender Jesper Fahey, Singer Nina Zenik, Musicians, Musician Nina Zenik, Not Beta Read, Long Live Feedback Comment Project read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/LMYA0VT