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noperopesaredope · 2 years

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Doki Doki Precure AU Idea

So I’ve had this AU concept in my head for a while, and I’ve decided to just put it out there.

Basically, in “Searching for a Dream” (my fav episode in Doki Doki), just like in the OG episode, Ira will start having small flashbacks after having hit his head. However, these flashbacks are not just of his life as a Selfish, but…other memories. Memories buried so deep that it seems almost impossible to find them.

When Gula yells at him, all the memories come flooding in. But not just the Selfish ones..................we won’t know what else he remembers until the end of the episode though. He appears to fall into despair (kinda like in Smile Precure) for a moment, but quickly refocuses when Gula shoots the laser thing at him.

Like in the episode, he knocks is away. But then he turns to the Cures (specifically Diamond) and, with a neutral expression (though more like resting bitch face), says “I remember everything now.” Diamond says that she’s glad, since that means he’s made a full recovery. Then Gula jumps and Ira knocks them out of the way, he leaves, yadda, yadda, yadda, that whole part of the episode continues as normal.

But instead of the scene with Ira on the roof thing, we skip to the scene with Rikka and her parents having dinner together. It’s very nice, very wholesome. BUT THEN we have a new scene.

Rikka goes into her room for the night only to find Ira sitting on her bed, looking a bit like the Shinji chair meme, while also having an existential crisis. Rikka is very much shooketh, and confusingly asks “I-Ira?? Why are you...” but he interrupts. “You know, you’re a better doctor than I thought. Turns out I’ve always had amnesia, even before you found me on the beach.”

He looks up at her, tears streaming down his face, and says “But I remember now. I wasn’t always a Selfish.”

“I used to be a human.”

-----

So yeah, that’s the intro premise to the AU!

Basically, the Selfish weren’t always beings of darkness. They used to be regular people living in Splendorious (I refuse to call it the Trump Kingdom).

This is how someone turns into a Selfish:

First off, they need to have been exposed to the power of the Mirror Pads in one way or another. Kinda like being exposed to radioactive energy, but it’s actually just good vibes.

They also need to be a relatively selfless person, selfless enough to qualify becoming a Cure (though they don’t need to actually be a Cure, just selfless enough to be qualified).

Then, they must protect someone from a blast of dark energy, sacrificing their own life in the process. But right before that, they must first choose the selfish option, before they change their mind and decide to do the selfless thing.

Right after they die, their body will be taken and consumed by the Darkness.

Their heart will be filled with Darkness, their blood will become infused with Darkness, and their mind will be taken over by the Darkness.

All memories of their past life will be erased, and they will wake up as a Selfish.

They’ll look completely different while also looking the same. They will have light blue hair (just pretend all of them have light blue hair), olive-yellow eyes, unnaturally pale skin (whether or not they were originally pale), and the little black wings behind their ears. They will also be wearing a different outfit.

Their personality will also change. Each of them have a heavenly virtue they represent the most, so the Darkness will take that part of their personality and turn it into its deadly sin.

For example, Human!Ira used to be very calm and patient. As a Selfish, he is instead very anger. Human!Marmo was very generous and giving, now she is very greedy. And Human!Bel...he was a lot of different things, but one of those things was hard-working. Now, he is lazy.

Basically, as a Selfish, you get a bit of a personality swap and become very selfish and mean. However, there are small moments in which their original personalities shine through. It’s incredibly difficult for them to be selfless, but it is less hard for them to be good, at least if they try. And, given the right circumstances, like when Ira had amnesia, they will return to their former personalities (though missing the memories).

If they somehow manage to regain all their memories, they will be in a delicate balance between being good and evil. But if they do a major act of selflessness, then they will overcome the Darkness. Sure, they will always have some selfishness in their heart, everyone does, but it will be balanced.

----

Now, I have also made some small plans on the past lives of Ira, Marmo, and Bel, and each will have some sort of connection with one of our Splendorious characters.

Ira was once a humble assistant to the knight of Splendorious, kinda like a page boy or a squire, but without actually getting any lessons and instead just helping people out. This gives him a minor connection to Joe, because though they didn’t know each other that well, they were acquaintances. Ira’s past personality was basically the one he had when he had amnesia. I will not get into his whole story/arc because that would be to complicated and take up most of the post.

Though Ira and Bel have their own very interesting stories, Marmo’s backstory is kinda my favorite. Get this: Marmo............................................was a Cure. I know, right? I’m a genius and should win all the awards.

Marmo gives us some interesting insight into what Makoto’s relationship with other Cures was like before the fall of Splendorious. The two weren’t exactly close, but they did fight together a few times, and Marmo (who I will call Cure Deuce) was actually the last Cure who Makoto saw before she had to go to Earth. Their relationship was like that of a student and a teacher, but the student wasn’t in any of that teacher’s classes, so they didn’t really know each other. But the student still trusts the teacher as an adult.

They actually get to know each other a lot better during the fall of Splendorious when they teamed up to fight together, and got along pretty well. Still deciding whether or not Makoto was there when Deuce died. I’m pretty sure that’s not gonna be the case, but it would cause extra ~trauma~. Then again, it would be also pretty tragic if Deuce told Makoto that “I’ll be fine fighting on my own for now. You go find the princess” and Makoto left, feeling confident that Deuce would be fine. After getting to Earth, she sadly assumed the Deuce had been turned into a Jikochuu like everyone else, but she had hope that she could see all of them again, and only had a certain amount of guilt. But to find out that Deuce died after she left her behind? And that she was then turned into a Selfish? And that the woman she had been fighting this whole time was actually Deuce all along? That would leave some crazy guilt.

On top of this, Makoto and Marmo would have a very interesting rivalry before the big reveal. So it will be a lot of fun. For me. Not for Makoto. Or Marmo.

Bel is interesting in terms of his relationships to other characters and the role he plays in the grand scheme. He was actually the King’s valet/personal secretary who sometimes acted like a bit of an advisor. This connects him to the Princess reincarnations. Yeah, things get crazy with Bel, and I’m not gonna get into all that insanity right now. In the past, Bel was very hard-working, to the point that he sometimes overworked himself. He was the exact opposite of lazy, and he was a pretty rad dude. He was also loyal to the king and a good support to him who helped him in a lot of ways. He was just generally the perfect man in terms of personality. He gave off DILF energy. I’m not sorry.

So that’s what I have on those guys rn, or at least that’s what I’m willing to type out.

----

While the Selfish are basically opposites of their past selves, they did keep some of the traits they had in their past lives.

A primary example of this is fighting style. Ira’s fighting style is the most sloppy and frantic. It’s that of someone who doesn’t really know how to fight, but might have seen others fight, which makes sense given Ira’s background. Marmo’s is eerily similar to that of a Cure, but a very experienced one. Bel’s fighting is probably the most intimidating, because though he was mainly the King’s valet, he also served as a bodyguard. Bel is perfectly capable of dealing fatal blows, which is why the Cures are really lucky that he is too lazy to fight most of the time.

A second, smaller trait the Selfish will carry is certain types of knowledge. They can’t recognize people from their past lives and won’t remember anything about said people, and they definitely won’t remember anything about their past selves, but they do have some certain types of knowledge related to their past expertise.

For example, Ira still knows how to do some of his assistant duties, Marmo still remembers some things about how Cures worked and the system behind that (if she hears Ace say something about the “rules of the Glitter Force” or whatever they call it in the Japanese version, she will probably say something along the lines of “I’ve never heard that rule before. Usually the handbook talks about protocol and stuff”), and Bel is still really good at his job and has knowledge on how the kingdom worked.

And a final trait they will keep is their mannerisms. Bel sits on the couch the same way he’s always sat, only raises one eyebrow in a look that can only be described as parental disappointment whenever he disapproves of something (a trait he’s had for years), and walks very slowly and deliberately, something that will never change.

Marmo puts her hand(s) under her chin a lot, pucks her lips when she’s upset, and makes a very specific facial expression whenever she rolls her eyes, same as she’s always done.

And Ira still slouches when he leans against a wall (his favorite standing position), still says “yo!” as a way to greet people, still has the same cackle-laugh.

These little things will be used as bits of foreshadowing as they use elements of their knowledge and we see little parts of their past selves shine through.

----

That’s all I really have for now. If I ever make more stuff for this AU, I’ll probably put it under the tag “Former Human Selfish AU”. Actually, that will be the name of the au. You can add your own stuff if you want since it’s an au after all. Credit me if you use my au, but also you can use my au. Use my au. That’s a demand.

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risingfire17-the-weeb-trash · 1 year

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40 Day Anime Challenge Day 23- Favorite kiss/confession scene: Nanami Monozono and Tomoe from Kamisama Kiss, Kako-hen (2015-16)

*Warning: MAJOR Kamisama Kiss Spoilers*

Technically, there were a few really adorable connections between these two before- although those didn’t lead to anything, first when Nanami got drunk and confessed to Tomoe and he replied in his head but not to her, and she didn’t remember it, and the second when she is transformed into a child and he promises to marry her someday, but she doesn’t remember who made the promise when she becomes an adult again.

But THIS ONE is from the kako-hen arc, which takes place after the second season, and basically the whole 4-episode arc is a giant love confession. So, some necessary background: 100s (1000s?) of years ago, fox demon Tomoe gets a death curse that is slowly consuming him in his “burn the world down” arc after the death of his lover, a human. God Mikage finds him at the brink of death, and cannot lift the curse, only arrest it. Tomoe’s curse is bound, and will be broken when he falls in love with a human. His memories of his lover and of the curse are also sealed, leaving him with only a deep hatred of humans, his reason being that they are weak.

Skip forward to the present, after he’s bonded with Nanami. One day he just sees her playing in the snow with the child-like servant creatures of the shrine, and you know that feeling where you just see someone and it feels like you’re seeing them for the first time because you’re realizing that you are deeply in love with them? Well, for Tomoe, that happened so hard that it unlocked the curse! THE LOVE WAS SO STRONG IT TRIGGERED THE MAGIC WE KNOW IT IS REAL!!!!!

Cue 4 episodes of Nanami going back in time to save Tomoe, realizing that she is his lover from the past (because time travel lol) and coming back to the present, curing Tomoe, and then these 2 finally say they love each other to their faces!!!!

But...my favorite confession is when Tomoe confesses to himself, not in words, but in feelings and it triggers the magic lol because I like my angsty confessions lol

#anime #40 day anime challenge #kamisama kiss #kamisama hajimemashita #nanami momozono #tomoe #love #confession #kiss #love confessions #cute #angsty #Still cute tho #spoilers

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dreamwreaver · 1 year

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One of the things that bothers me about miracle queen beyond how dirty they did Chloe starting in this episode and continuing in for 2 whole SEASONS, sigh, happy thoughts. Anyways one of the other things that bothers me about the episode is just how callous fu is.

When jade turtle is sitting inside shelter, just before Mayura calls forth hawkmoth's sentimonster, he watches her get dizzy and nearly faint. He watches hawkmoth catch her and worry over her and mayura's half hearted reassurances that she's fine when she clearly isn't. And he says nothing, he does nothing.

Remember, this is a man who has lived his entire life trying to fix the guilt that plagues him from a mistake he made as a child. Yes, since this occurs after feast most of that is gone because everything except the recovery of the peacock and butterfly miraculous has been resolved. But he also deeply cares about people and is demonstrated to be a healer. More than that, he knows that there is some enhanced strength and resilience when the miraculous are used. The fact that mayura is weak to the point of being unable to stand SHOULD bother him. But for being the wise mentor in a show about the importance of caring for others, he doesn't. For someone consumed by his mistakes, he still doesn't see how putting both the pressure of being the bearer of one of the two most powerful jewels in his miracle box and the guardian might affect a teenager.

The fact that he's only a rent a miraculous vending machine bothers me. He's not a mentor, what do we see him teaching Marinette? Or adrien? Aside from Syren we NEVER see him interacting with adrien.

Also also, here's my big issue with the show, fu says in the origins episodes how dangerous it is to have the ladybug and black cat out and active. But who said he needed to be there to save the day? Like chat can destroy any object that holds an akuma, aside from the yoyo being the only thing that can capture them (for some reason which is never explained) all the ladybug needs to do is summon an object to use the cure. Fu could do that from his hideout! Chat's staff can be plenty of other things, why not a magic butterfly net that can hold the akuma until fu as the ladybug can purify it?

Like for someone who seems to care about not repeating his mistakes... I mean... come on

#miraculous ladybug #ml salt #master fu #master fu salt #ml season 3 #chloe deserves better

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antigonewinchester · 2 years

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The Mark of Achilles, Part 2

Previous parts: Intro post; Dean & Hell, season 4; the Mark & Hell, part 1; Dean & Hell redux; the Mark & Hell, part 2; part 3; part 4; part 5; the Mark of Achilles, part 1.

Shay describing berserk violence as “demonic” fits quite well with the Mark and Blade being used to turn Dean into a literal demon at the end of season 9, freeing Dean from his previous human constraints. Demon!Dean in 10x01 through 10x03 could be seen as a quasi-berserker state, with Dean being violent, cruel, and socially isolated, pushing away Sam and Cas and eventually Anne Marie and Crowley as well. It’s also only after Sam traps him in the bunker and hurts him through the forced cure that demon!Dean tries to kill him.

10x06, with Dean killing Olivia and then shooting her seven more times, highly implied to have been from the Mark’s influence, is one of the few times where none of the situation that trigger a berserk state appear.

In 10x09, Dean has a dream about the Mark, where he’s in a small room surrounded by people he’s killed. The final image we see is of a red lamp with the same red lighting as from Cain’s fight in 9x11. (I still think this “dream” makes the most sense as a flashback to Dean’s time in Hell, although according to the director from an interview on Winchester Radio, he wasn’t thinking about it as such, and it’s unclear if Andrew Dabb as the writer intended that read either.) At the end of the episode, Dean is wounded by Sinclair with a bottle to the head and then trapped in Randy’s house, surrounded by the whole group of loan sharks who want to kill him. Similar to Cain’s fight in 9x11, we get Sam’s outside perspective and his going back into the house to reveal Dean surrounded by everyone he’s just killed.

We can see the next two episodes as a continuing of the berserking power of the Mark in how Dean attacks Metatron and Charlie. In 10x10, despite the importance of needing to give Metatron back to the angels “in one piece,” Dean attacks him, tortures him and would have killed him if Sam and Cas hadn’t pulled him away. Then in 10x11, despite good!Charlie and dark!Charlie being directly physically connected to each other, Dean keeps beating dark!Charlie up even when she’s down, leading to Charlie being very hurt when her two sides recombine. I’ll also note that the worst of Dean’s violence towards dark!Charlie happens after she hurts him first, hitting him and throwing him face-first into a stair railing, consistent with soldiers going berserk after being wounded. 10x11 also marks a turning point for Dean’s violence, with Dean protecting Sam and killing the witch in 10x12, “About a Boy,” without being overtaken by the Mark’s influence. The power of the Mark then goes on a narrative lull until it reappears later in the season.

In 10x14, “Executioner’s Song,” it’s Cain who has gone berserk, consumed by the Mark and going on a killing spree against his descendants. If we take Cain picking up the First Blade and attacking Abaddon’s demons back in 9x11 as his once again using the Mark’s berserker power, going back on his promise to Colette that he would no longer kill, then we can see his slaughter in 10x14 as a continuation of that moment. His actions could be described as “god-like,” with Cain casting his judgement and punishment onto humanity in his genocide. It also intrigues me that Cain connects his current actions back to his original killing of Abel, perhaps Cain’s own original moral wound in his murdering his brother to “save” him.

In 10x21, Sam and Dean rush to Charlie’s hotel only to find her dead, semi-mutilated body in the bathtub. In 10x22, after Charlie’s funeral and Dean harshly telling Sam that “it should [have been him] up [on the pyre], not her,” he leaves to purse revenge against the Stynes.

Shay says that “after Patroklos’s death, Achilles – to use the words of our veterans – ‘lost it.’ When a veteran says he “lost it,” what did he lose? What did Achilles lose?… In the veterans’ own words, they lost their humanity. Beast-god and god-beast replaced human identity” (82). It’s after Charlie’s death that we see Dean under the Mark at his worst, full of unrestrained violence and detached from social norms.

After he’s attacked and trapped by the Stynes, Dean frees himself and slaughters everyone using the Mark’s power, from the controlling patriarch Monroe to the abused teenager Cyrus, before using his new-found strength to beat up Cas. Investigating Rose’s death and Crystal’s disappearance, he makes misogynistic comments about both girls, and pulls a gun on both Crystal’s father and brother during his investigation. Vietnam veterans who went berserk, Shay writes, often “lost all concern for the safety of others, as much as for [their] own…,” and that especially “after the death of [a] veteran’s special comrade… all the diversity and multiplicity of social morality [became] replaced by the single value of revenge,” which fits with how Dean treats everyone and anyone, from victims like Rose to hunters like Rudy, during this part of the show (90).

Shay makes a strong case that becoming an “animal” is connected symbolically to the berserker state, as well as warfare and combat generally. He writes that “[many] ancient cultures teach us to refer to the cruelty of one human to another as “animal” behavior,” and that Homer “compares attacking warriors to wild animals dozens of times” (82, 83). For example, in the climax of his fight with Hektor, Achilles links himself to a lion and wolf, proclaiming his connection to Hektor isn’t one between men, but between animal and animal (83). In light of this metaphor, Alastair in 4x16 comparing Dean to an “animal” (ALASTAIR: I carved you into a new animal, Dean. There is no going back. DEAN: Maybe you're right. But now it's my turn to carve.) fits into the idea of inhuman cruelty during war, and given the threads of Dean’s time in Hell within the Mark of Cain arc, we could connect these two experiences as being similar times of berserking violence and Dean unconstrained from usual human limitations.

While Dean agrees with Alastair’s “animal” line in 4x16, in 4x11 he resists seeing himself that way, framing what he did in Hell as especially horrifying because he was still human. One veteran, looking back on his war experience, expresses a similar sentiment:

“War changes you, changes you. Strips you, strips you of all your beliefs, your religion, takes your dignity away, you become an animal. I know animals don’t… Y’know, it’s unbelievable what humans can do it each other.” (Shay, 83).

Viewing Dean’s violence through the lens of berserking also gives a compelling thematic frame to Charlie’s death.

I’d heard about Charlie being killed off, and the controversy surrounding it, way before I actually got it within the show. From what I’ve seen, it’s a sore spot for fandom, with the majority of takes being that her death is bad writing, narratively pointless, and sexist. Based on the contemporaneous reaction in 2015, the fandom took a similar attitude back then, too. Just see the incredibly awkward moment of Carver being asked about Charlie's death by a fan at Comic-Con 2015. Several articles were written about it in 2015, with three of them from the Supernatural Wiki (from the EW, the MarySue, and Gizmodo) all echoing similar sentiments: “there was no reason for her death to happen,” that her death “[follows] the same formula of fridging female characters with no apparent explanation or even good reason,” and that it was just a “hail-mary throw” for cheaply raising the stakes.

The fandom ire around Charlie’s death isn’t a surprise to me, and I certainly understand the frustration. It fits into the long-running pattern of killing off female characters to raise the stakes and / or give Sam and Dean something to angst over. (From my old LJ lurker days, I still remember the vid “Women’s Work” and its critical look at the show’s treatment of female characters through season 1 – 3.) While both male and female characters die in the show, women are more likely to be killed off than men, and even when men die, they’re also more likely to brought back in one form or another: compare Anna and Ruby’s singular deaths vs. Cas’s many deaths and resurrections; or Naomi getting killed off at the end of season 8 vs. Metatron lasting thru 5 seasons, although Naomi does briefly return in season 13 and 14. Charlie was also a lesbian, so her death meant the loss of one of the show’s few explicitly queer characters, a fan favorite to boot.

As frustrating as Charlie’s death is given these narrative patterns, I would disagree with critiques that frame it as pointless, without a reason, or pulled out of thin air, instead seeing it as a key turning point to season 10 and the Mark of Cain arc.

Shay not only names the death of a comrade in war as a consistent trigger for berserking, but paints it as one with a special importance, both in fiction and in real life: “Homer’s narrative and veterans’ narratives agree that betrayal of “what’s right'' is a conditioning event that prepares a soldier to go berserk at the death of closest friend-in-arms” (96). Patroklos’s death is an iconic part of the Iliad; even if people can’t name him specifically, they likely know someone killed Achilles’s best friend and that’s why he went berserk

The deaths of close friends is a part of war even for today’s soldiers, with technology and battle tactics the Greeks and Trojans could never have imagined. But in American military culture, especially in Vietnam but even now, soldiers’s grief is often downplayed and denied, with men being told instead to buck up, stop crying, and often explicitly to get revenge. For Shay, this denial of grief contrasted to its prominence in the Iliad and points to a particularly American, particularly horrifying problem for veterans: their society encourages the sublimation of grief into rage. “The virtual suppression of social griefwork in Vietnam contrasts vividly with the powerful expression of communal mourning recorded in Homeric epic. I believe that numerous military, cultural, institutional, and historical factors conspired to thwart the griefwork of Vietnam combat veterans, and I believe that this matters. The emergence of rage out of intense grief may be a human universal; long-held obstruction of grief and failure to communalize grief can imprison a person in endless swinging between rage and emotional deadness as a permanent way of being in the world.” (40 – 41).

This thread of grief shifting to rage very much calls to mind the Kripke era’s focus on the danger and futility of revenge, ala John and Sam’s previous arcs. John (who himself was a Vietnam veteran) and his quest for revenge against the YED neatly fit into this framework, especially with how it became an entrenched way of “being in the world” for him. Sam then followed in his father’s footsteps in season 1 after Jess’s death. Often, rage and grief intermingle with one another; John and Sam’s pursuits of the YED are a futile way of keeping both Mary and Jess alive, even if just in their memories. But while John and Sam’s revenge quests may have been “for” their loved ones, Mary, Jess (and later Dean) would have all been horrified to see what John and Sam did and who they became in trying to avenge them.

This same turn happens both in the Iliad and for Dean in season 10: a self-centered need for revenge over what their loved one would have wanted. For Achilles, this idea is directly addressed within the story. After he has killed Hektor and desecrated his body, the ghost of Patroklos appears to him and “reproaches [him] for the whole urgent enterprise of revenge against Hektor,” particularly because Achilles has still not buried him (88). For Dean, there’s first his conversation with Anne-Marie in 10x01, after he’s beaten up her ex. Demon!Dean says he was “protecting her donor,” to which Anne-Marie calls bullshit: “Yeah. I thought so, too… But then you kept going and going, and I realized whatever is going on with you has nothing to do with my “honor” at all.” This same sentiment returns at the end of the season after Charlie’s death with Dean’s killing of the Styne family. Dean justifies his actions as getting revenge for Charlie, specifically mentioning her when he confronts the Stynes in the bunker at the end of 10x22, but she wouldn’t have wanted him to kill Cyrus, let alone go on the whole family murder spree, in the first place.

All of this together means Charlie’s death fits into both the show’s long-running sexism and its questioning of revenge and pursuing vengeance for dead loved ones. Especially considering how the show killed off both Mary and Jess to spur John and Sam on, it would have seemed odd for the writers not to do the same for Dean with Charlie. She was the character who fit best into the narrative role of ‘loved one killed to send Dean on his final revenge quest,’ with her unique connection to him and being another ‘comrade in arms’ as a fellow hunter, and someone whose death would have hurt, both for Dean in-universe and for the audience watching (as is evident from the backlash from a vocal portion of the fandom). Personally, and in contrast to other deaths that do feel more like shock value or convenience, I feel Charlie’s death was a tragic yet thematically fitting end, illustrating her significance as Dean’s ‘Patrokolos’ and the ultimate tragedy of hunting and revenge, and I don’t think the Mark of Cain story line would have worked as well without it.

Sources

“4.16 On the Head of a Pin (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 11 Feb 2021.

“10.10 The Hunter Games (transcript).” Supernatural Wiki: A Supernatural Canon & Fanon Resource. 22 Apr 2019.

“Dear 'Supernatural' writers, what were you thinking?” Geek Girl Diva, Community Contributor. Entertainment Weekly, uploaded to the WayBack Machine, 7 May 2015.

Lane, Carly. “Supernatural’s Ongoing Fridging Problem Isn’t a Laughing Matter.” The Mary Sue, 15 Jul. 2015.

Luminosity, Sisabet. “Women’s Work -Supernatural.” The Internet Archive, 21 May 2019.

Shay, Jonathan. Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character. New York, Scribner, 1994.

“SUPERNATURAL Comic Con Panel 2015.” YouTube, uploaded by Flicks and the City, 12 Jul. 2015.

“Ugh, Supernatural. You Really Didn't Have To Go There.” Anders, Charlie Jane. Gizmodo, 7 May 2015.

WinchesterBros. “Winchester Radio Discussion of The Things We Left Behind w/ guest Guy Bee.” Blog Talk Radio, 2015.

“Women’s Work.” Fanlore, 30 August 2022.

#meta #meta personal #dean & the mark #dean & charlie #season 10 #i get why ppl dislike charlie's death but i also think ppl underestimate its importance thematically #it's badly worded but honestly i don't think carver was wrong when he said they went where the story took them w/ charlie's death #because she's patroklos. (also kind of mary & jess). her death is tragic and that's part of the point

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kashmirisaffron · 11 months

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Saffron Benefits for Your Health and Wellness

A mildly aromatic and widely beneficial spice that found its way to Indian and Middle Eastern cuisines, Saffron was once considered an elite culinary companion only few could afford. The rich, mouth-watering flavor paired with the golden-red tinge made saffron a premium spice used to enhance the taste and look of popular dishes. However, there’s more to saffron than most of us know.

Apart from being a taste enhancing spice, saffron packs in a whole bunch of health benefits too. In this article, we will explore the various benefits of saffron and discuss how to use it to maximize your health and well-being using this elixir.

Saffron Benefits for Female

1. Promotes Healthy Skin, Nails, and Hair

Saffron is a powerhouse of antioxidants and are notoriously famous for promoting healthy skin and hair. Antioxidants can bring a natural glow and plump to the skin, reducing dark spots, blemishes, and tanning at the same time. In old traditions, saffron has been exclusively used for lightening and brightening skin tone.

Additionally, this magical spice can also help women fight skin problems like hyperpigmentation, acne and uneven skin texture. Antioxidants are also famous for promoting healthy nails and hair, making them stronger and more resilient to damage.

2. Enhances Mental Health

A popular research conducted noted that consumption of saffron spiked the dopamine levels in the female brain, allowing women to feel more light, bright. And at ease mentally. Over the years, many researches were conducted to validate this saffron health benefit. In one such experiment, a group of women were given placebo while the other group were given saffron.

Women who consumed saffron experiences lesser depressive episodes compared to the former group. However, saffron should not be treated as a medicine or a spice that can cure depression, anxiety and other mental issues. Proper medical attention is still on top of the priority list.

3. Reduces Menstrual Discomfort

PMS or post menstrual syndrome is a common health problem many women today face. With challenging lifestyle and lack of ample nutrition being at the forefront of it, medical disorders like PCOS or PCOD has become a household issue.

At a time like this, natural remedies such as using a pinch of saffron in your everyday meal can help ease a lot of symptoms associated with these disorders. Saffron can reduce mental heaviness usually experienced at around this time. Saffron can also elevate cramps and pain and may help reduce stress.

4. Balances Hormonal Fluctuations

A study conducted revealed that even the aroma of saffron can be powerful enough to help women balance their hormonal fluctuations better.

Apart from that, studies also revealed how consumption of saffron may lower the unregulated testosterone level in women who are in the follicular phase and increase the hormone in women who are in the luteal phase. These phases are connected with a woman’s menstrual cycle and may impact hormonal fluctuations.

5. Aids in Stress Reduction

Did you know, stress can also be a dominant reason why the stubborn fat in a woman’s body refuses to reduce?

The hormone cortisol is primarily responsible for regulating the body’s organs and its responses. Saffron is known to regulate the hormone cortisol which can in turn combat rising stress in your body.

Saffron Benefits for Male

1. Improves Cardiovascular Health

Statistics show that men are twice as likely to be a victim of heart diseases as compared to women. The rate of heart attack and cardiovascular disorders peaks sometime around the late 40s in men.

Now instead of just relying on modern medication, adding a touch of traditional remedy to your everyday routine can work wonders for your heart health. The presence of thiamine and riboflavin in saffron is known to promote heart health significantly.

2. Increases Sexual Libido

One common misconception around the world is that saffron can only help increase your sexual libido, without actually helping men increase their fertility. However, multiple studies have proven this wrong by showcasing results that not only increased libido in men but also promoted fertility in them.

However, it is important to note that only impact sperm motility, not the count. However, saffron can still help increase chances of conception in couples who are struggling to conceive.

3. Treats Sexual Dysfunctions

A study conducted revealed that men who were suffering from sexual disorders like erectile dysfunction were treated with 200 mg of organic saffron everyday and positive results started showing as early as within 10 days of their consumption.

However, Saffron & Shilajit can only be used as an additional ailment to this sexual problem. Doctor consultation and mainstream treatment is also essential for best results.

4. Combats Mental Health

The fast-paced lifestyle paired with modern day problems have majorly impacted mental health, in both men and women.

While women tend to be more vocal about it, men often shy away from expressing their deepest, darkest feelings leading to more subdued cases of social anxiety, depression, and panic.

Saffron is known to contain volatile compounds that can positively impact the nervous system and cushion depressive episodes.

5. Enhances Physical Endurance

Trying to work off that extra pound but the lack of sufficient energy holding you back? One of saffron’s magical healing power is enhanced blood circulation.

With ample blood circulation flowing through your body, your muscles will receive much better oxygen flow leading to more energy during exercises and better muscle pain healing afterwards.

Saffron Benefits for Skin

Back in the olden days, saffron was extensively used in cosmetic applications, and was widely known for its miracle effects. Saffron today continues to be equally potent when it comes to bringing out that plum, natural glow.

Here are 6 such skin-altering saffron benefits brings to the table-

Age Reversal- Saying goodbye to fine lines and skin sagging isn’t easy, especially in today’s time. However, this antioxidant enriched ‘golden spice’ can do just that. By neutralizing the effect of skin-harming radicals, saffron can make your skin look plump and youthful.

Pigmentation Control- Over the years, repeated exposure to the harmful UV rays of the sun has resulted in hyperpigmentation or severe tanning in many people. Saffron, potent in Vitamin C is known to form a protective barrier against the skin as it promotes skin healing and reduces pigmentation problems.

Inflammation reduction- Saffron is more than just a cosmetic relief. Did you know, saffron can effectively diminish skin conditions like rosacea or eczema. However, it is important to note that saffron can only provide temporary relief from inflammation and may help reduce the physical inflammation, but it does not treat these skin conditions. Saffron can be used as an additional ailment to obtain speedy recovery along with medicinal help.

Hydration- If you’re tired of dull, drying, and flaky skin, let saffron work its magic. Brimming with minerals and nutrients, saffron can be an excellent moisturizer that thoroughly hydrates your skin from the inner dermal level. Saffron’s healing properties can also repair the skin’s loosened barriers helping you get a naturally refreshed and dewy look.

Under-eye cure– Dermatologists have commented time and again that there is no topical product that can make your dark circles go away. However, multiple tests have proven that saffron consumption can reduce dark circles, puffy eyes, and eye bags by promoting blood circulation in the body.

Smoothens Skin- From blemishes to roughness, saffron can visibly reduce skin imperfections thanks to the presence of Riboflavin (Vit B) in it. Riboflavin is known to cell growth and regeneration which in turn promotes healthy, spotless skin.

Saffron Health Benefits

Saffron is considered one of the most elite and most expensive spices of all time- and for good reason. Apart from acting as a flavor enhancer in many Indian and Middle Eastern cuisines, saffron is also known for its multiple health benefits, some of which are-

Many test-tube studies have noted that saffron has the ability to lower blood sugar levels and may benefit patients suffering from diabetes or insulin fluctuations.

Age-Related Macular Degeneration (AMD) is an eye disorder that causes blurriness and loss of sight in many adults and seniors. Saffron is known to reduce radical damage that can help AMD patients improve their vision in the longer run.

Saffron is also preferred by multiple heart patients owing to its antioxidant properties that may promote healthy heart. Saffron consumption reduces artery and blood vessel clogging and may also be a superb addition to a cholesterol patient’s diet.

If you’re struggling with stagnant weight that refuses to budge, saffron can help you manage your weight better. Saffron curbs appetite and can be an additional supplement-alike that aids you in your weight loss journey.

With multiple saffron advantages making this golden spice a truly miracle ingredient, doctors and estheticians believe this can be the natural remedy we’ve all been looking for.

However, moderation is key when it comes to saffron. A little can go a long way- sprinkle some on your favorite beverage or add some of this flavor enhancing to your weekly meals for the best results.

#kashmiri saffron #organic saffron #premium quality saffron #kashmiri kesar #kashmiri kesar price #original kashmiri saffron online #buy kashmiri saffron #buy organic saffron #kashmiri saffron online

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lovely-necromancy · 3 years

Text

A Cure for Insomnia CH 1.

This is a reader insert I originally started posting on AO3. I’m cross posting here because I know some of the fandom still lives here.

Quick Disclaimer:

This is a fic I'm writing for my own comfort.

I was inspired by RaeBees (you can check out their works over on Quotev and AO3), and how they characterize the "proxies". Having always seen the characters different than most of the fandom I've interacted with I never really shared my thoughts until now. This work is only placed in the Creepypasta tag so it reaches its demographic. However, I am fully aware of the fact that no main character is considered a Pasta.

It may also appear to lean more Toby X Protag in the beginning but end goal is protag with all three, and Brian and Tim already in a relationship. How I picture it now is a slowburn but Toby and Protag will be in a friends with benefits relationship before either has any feelings, so I think that counts. Some may be confused by the asexual protag tag but it'll be explained in story, as an Ace myself I get frustrated with media that only show one version and say it goes for us all. That being said I don't represent the whole Ace community but I hope to provide a bit more representation for some others out there.

Protag will be depicted as agender, and will have a few tics that stem from their Autism. Again I don't speak for any others with Autism but I hope to provide some representation for those in similar positions.

Tags will be updated as the story progresses. Canon-Typical violence and mental health issues are to be expected if you feel uncomfortable with those aspects I advise you to not engage. This story will also have a lot of NSFW themes and scenes so I highly discourage anyone under the age of 18 from viewing this work. You will get warnings on chapters with NSFW and I will make it skippable as well.

I'm also very nitpicky and gave the main characters birthdays just because it irritates me when it gets mentioned once and you have to do the math or imagine your own conversation when a birthday was too close to a character's.

Tim January 1st, home state Alabama

Toby April 28th, home state Virginia (saw this years ago no clue if it's accurate)

Protag May 13th, home state Virginia

Brian May 23rd, home state Alabama

Connor the service dog July 18th, home state Kentucky

I've referred to Protag as Protag here but in story they're referred to as YN.

Everything felt impossibly dull; your senses, the dark room you're currently in, the noise coming from the fan just to the left of the bed on which you laid. Turning to the window beside your head you stare out into that weird midnight summer sky. More of a gray than a true dark blue night, cast in an orange glow that made the night seem closer to day than it truly was. While the time was just half past twelve, you felt it may have been more accurate to say it was closer to four in the morning.

You're exhausted but that true sort of exhaustion where whatever energy you have left buzzes all around. It consumes your entire being, dances between being deafeningly loud in your ears to giving you twitches in your legs. You'd laid down hours ago thinking you'd be tired enough to sleep once your tics started to spasm in closer intervals, but to no avail were you able to rest. That buzzing preventing you from dreamland. Maybe the hum of your body was right, you didn't really need to sleep, you just wanted it to feel normal.

Knowing the battle had already been lost you push yourself off the bed and grab a pair of shorts off the floor. Slipping them on you contemplate your options for the night. Going into town was out since it was Sunday...well Monday now, but there would be nothing but bars open and you were never one for drinking. And as fun as a drive sounds right now, you feel the buzzing in your bones grow stronger, you need to move. A late night hike should keep you occupied, with it being so quiet and the middle of the night you wouldn't even have to take your headphones to cancel out the sounds of other people, you aren't likely to run into many people tonight.

Deciding on a hike you grab a mask and car keys and make your way to your yellow Kia Soul. A going away present from your parents that they gave you the moment you got your driver's license after your 24th birthday. Having anxiety throughout your life you'd never been in the head space to start driving till later on, and while you still don't enjoy driving you are pretty good at it even with your “late” start. Surfing through radio stations as you let the car warm up you find your latest obsession, it's a conspiracy theory podcast that someone in Kepler managed to blast through the limited air ways of the town. Impressive considering Kepler was in a radio quiet zone and even cell phones couldn't work in the small town, luckily you lived just outside of the zone so you could send texts and call your parents every weekend.

It seemed today's episode was a rerun, Mothman: Murderer, Man, or Myth. It was actually one of your favorites, the paranormal stories tended to be more entertaining than hearing about how a man could murder sixteen people while working as a cop ruining evidence to lead the others off his trail. Humans could be more vial and cruel than any little gray alien from the future or tall Fresno Nightcrawler could ever be. And they weren't as entertaining to hear about, nor were their exploits as impressive. You could always see patterns, either connecting clues first or finding connections no one else saw, it was never hard to tell where a certain case would lead so you'd always end up disappointed in humanity when they overlooked such obvious clues. Though that often led you down a path of deep diving for information to see just how obvious it was, more often than not you'd find that the most logical conclusion was shady public officers. After investigating so many cold cases you're sure if you're ever in trouble you'll never involve the police, in the end they'd probably just ignore you and rule your case closed if anything ever did happen to you.

'I'd haunt them if they did.' You decide and you shift gears and begin driving to the Monongahela National Forest, as the timeline of Mothman sightings and events play out before for your ears.

Instead of going through town and possibly loosing the signal of the show, you drive on the old dirt road that runs along the very edge of the town, partially covered in trees. This over grown road is the main reason Kepler doesn't see many visitors, the second someone makes their way onto it coming off the interstate they floor it until they see civilization. Over the few months you've been here you've nearly been run right off the road by spooked tourists, trying to escape whatever ghouls their wild imaginations created. The only real thing on this road was a mini mart gas station, and even though it was shady as hell the cashier didn't bug you too much when you came in in the dead of night. Plus they had a cat, how could you not stop in and say hi to little ole Magnolia?

Speaking of which you should probably get a drink for your hike, you could already feel your throat drying out. Turning into the parking lot you're happy to see no other cars around, putting your face mask on you make your way inside. As usual the store is dead at this time, and Ronnie is manning the desk. What's unusual is the man also behind the counter, he has dark brown hair that he's tied into a small and low ponytail, thick sideburns frame his face. You immediately take note of the slight imperfections of his face, most would see the slit in his eyebrow as following the current trend or even just a genetic thing, but you can see the slightly off color of a healed scar that starts just above his eyebrow and ends mid eyelid, he has a few smaller discolorations on his crooked nose, you'd guess he's had it broken at least twice.

Briefly taking a glance to his brown eyes before looking away, today is not an eye contact day. Nodding in their directions, the best acknowledgment you can give right now, you make your way to the freezers. From the freezer section you can hear Ronnie “explain” you.

“That's YN, a regular mainly at night though. A bit skittish and rarely ever says more than 'thanks have a nice day'” Even though she's whispering you can hear everything. Including the high octave her voice takes to mimic you, it feels more like mocking.

If being mocked hadn't already put you on edge the eyes boring into you have. The eyes may not be roaming over your body but the icky crawling of your skin sure makes it feel that way. The feeling of being put under a microscope has always made you sick, the stares, the leers and sneers, and the judgment just makes you want to implode on the spot. Cease existence, be swallowed into the abyss. You're about to set yourself into an anxiety attack with all these thoughts.

'Mask, mask, mask' you repeat over and over in your head, it's the only thing you can focus on. You are wearing a mask, there is one thing they can't perceive, the face is the most important for humans to perceive, your mask protects you.

Without looking you pull a water bottle from the cooler. You don't think you like this brand but the sports mouth makes up for it, and you can't focus enough to grab another. As the imaginary spiders crawl their way under your skin and your breath hitches you make your way over to the counter head down, never looking up at the employees beyond the counter. Your vision is blurring in time with the beating of your heart, you can't tell if it's due to nerves or from being up for five days in a row.

“Hey YN, how're you?” Ronnie asks, her tone is different from the past times you've been in. It's higher and has a lilt in it that you'd expect from a teasing friend. But Ronnie isn't a friend and has never spoken to you like this, you hate it. You nod to politely move on with the process, between the crawling of your skin and the buzzing underneath it you feel sick. And you're now very aware of the existence of your eyelids, you try to focus on ignoring that awareness. You need to move.

“Hmm, that's good. Anyway this is Tim! He's just started so go easy on him.” you hear the sound of a hand hitting fabric and assume she's patted Tim's shoulder as she introduced Tim to you. Why was she doing this, what purpose could introducing you two have? You nod again, was anyone going to ring you out?

“Hi, this all?” a deep voice asked, it isn't extremely deep more of a standard baritone that has a slight raspy quality, probably a reformed smoker. You don't smell cigarettes currently so he could've quit after years. Unfortunately despite your efforts to stave them off your blinking tics emerge. Making it difficult to keep your eyes open for longer than a nano second.

Startled and ticcing you look up and catch his eyes, you see pity in them, before casting your glance back to the counter. You can never tell what's worse people seeing you as weird or seeing you as something needing to be fixed. Nodding again, Tim tells you the total; a dollar fifty eight, and you hand him two dollars from your wallet.

Tim doesn't ask if you want the receipt or a bag, he prints out the receipt and hands you your change. The change goes immediately into the cat food fund for Magnolia. She got diagnosed with diabetes about a month ago and having worked in shelters and pet stores you know just how expensive her prescription food is. After folding the receipt into your wallet, Tim gently slides the water bottle over to you.

“Have a good night.” he says it so low and gentle, as if he thinks you'll shatter in front of him. As kind as the gesture seems, you aren't that fragile...or maybe you are if you have to keep repeating 'mask' over and over in your head to ground yourself. With a final nod you turn and make your way to the door, and just as you open it you hear Ronnie call out.

“Awwww, c'mon YN at least say 'Hi' to Tim.” You really don't like how she squeaked out 'hi'.

Taking a deep breath you prepare yourself, you'll show them both you can do this simple task. Even if you can't stop blinking long enough to see straight. Once you've steadied yourself you turn and look at Tim. He's sending you a look that says 'You don't have to' all that's missing is a slow head shake to complete his unease with this “peer pressure”.

But you can do this you can say 'Hi, Tim.' Two words super simple, nothing complex like 'Hi, Tim, nice to meet you.' and so much better than the option of your next meeting saying 'Hi, Tim. Sorry for spazzing out the other night.'. Yup you can do this just breathe, you open your mouth and...and you've forgotten what to say. Looking like a deer in headlights, well at least the tics stopped, you say the first thing that pops in.

“Mask.” You've said it loud and clear both cashiers heard you.

Tim stares with wide eyes and you see Ronnie failing to hide her laughter. Out of all the ways this could've gone this was probably the best outcome for her. The blinking has started up again, this time growing more frequent. You can't even hold your eyes open, to the two cashiers it must look like you're in pain or crying. And while you want to die of embarrassment, crying is a bit of an extreme for you.

So with red face and the inability to see you leave through the door, and try to make your way back to your car. Once in you lock the doors, switch the car on, and rest your head on the steering wheel. Out of every way this stop could've gone, being perceived by a new comer and Ronnie was not what you expected. While this hadn't been the worst five minutes or so of your life, it definitely would be another thing keeping you up at night for the next twenty years.

Calming down in the cool quiet dark of your car your slowly brought back to the world by the beginning of a new episode. This one talking about the Tailypo legend. A favorite story of yours from when you were a kid living on the coast of Virginia. So with yet another deep breath and the wave of nostalgia, you pull out of the parking lot and slowly coast down the old dirt road. Heading yet again for the Monongahela forest.

It's nearly two in the morning when you roll up to see an RV parked by the forgotten entrance of the park. It isn't surprising at all to find an RV out here since the Monongahela Forest is one of the most beautiful parks you've ever been to. You also don't think anything of them being parked by this unused entrance because you use it all the time since finding it accidentally. Figuring they just wanted to camp and be left to their own devices rather than use the RV sites and be bothered with other campers here for the summer.

Climbing out of your car you notice the RV isn't new by any means but it isn't a total rust bucket either, looks like it's been passed around throughout the years. There isn't anything to suggest it's been here a while, nothing left set up outside, must have just gotten into town then. You do happen to notice dog tracks around the sandy dirt you've parked in, good to know they have a dog before you slammed your car door. Closing the door gently behind you so you don't startle a pup and wake up it's owner or owners, you make your way through the woods. No real direction in mind, with no real thought in your head. Just the thought of moving and to keep on moving.

You could walk the same path every time you came through and always find something different. In fact that's exactly what happens, you're almost positive that you've deepened the imprint of the path just from walking through several times a week. Following the same winding path you usually do, climbing over the fallen tree, and through a scattering of blueberry thicket's you find yourself on the edge of one of the forest's many streams. It's your favorite spot in the forest so far, and about as far as you've gotten considering these hikes of yours take place during the dead of night.

The wind picks up and sends a chill through you, taking that as a sign you slide down to sit by the stream. Vans placed to your side as you sink your feet into the cool water. It's peaceful out here, so cool, and quiet, save for the slight noises the stream makes, various bubbling and drips. You try to think on things like your recent move, your job, the embarrassing 'mask' incident, just life in general. But you can't seem to form a single thought, this happens a lot, you've recently been conscious of the fact that you've been running on auto pilot for the past two months, hell a lot longer than that. You think everyone must get like this from time to time, but you think you've always been this way. Keen to dissociating and slipping in and out of existence.

It's quite nice really, except for the times like right now where you'd love to figure out why the silence in your head is so painfully loud. The more you think on it the louder it gets and the stronger the buzzing under your skin feels. And right now the static in your mind has been getting louder and louder for the past few minutes. You feel your head jerk to the right of it's own accord, moving back in place it happens for a second time, and then a third, then jerks up, before jerking a forth time to the right effectively cracking you neck.

“There we go.” you mumble, you can relax a bit as the verbal tic indicates the end of this round of tics.

Sighing you look at the sky...that can't be right. The sky has been painted it's fresh baby blues for the day, but again that can't be right. You just got to the stream, that path is a thirty minute walk meaning it should be just about two thirty in the morning, but the sky suggests it's five or six at the latest. Reaching for your water bottle you find it empty next to you. You didn't fall asleep you know that much, perhaps you did dissociate tonight. Well this hike was disappointing if you knew you were going to dissociate you'd have saved yourself that embarrassment and stayed home. Maybe done some painting or tidied up.

Sighing you push yourself off the ground, collecting you vans you're about to put them on when you notice a figure off in the distance. You freeze out of shock and stare at the figure, it stares back. The figure is about ten yards away, god your near sighted ass should really remember to not leave your glasses in the car when hiking. The figure starts to make it's way to you and after a few steps you realize it hasn't moved from it's spot. Rolling your eyes you ignore the hallucination.

You'd really needed to get sleep last night, today is day six of no sleep and though you haven't had many episodes these past few days, you have a feeling they'll start to get more prominent today. Hopefully tonight you can manage to get some rest, the longer you go without sleep the more realistic the hallucinations become. But for today you're content with the knowledge that it's just shadow like beings that you'll be seeing.

After putting on your shoes you start the thirty minute hike back to your car. You're thankful for the weather in Kepler, nothing like back on the coast. Here you can go for a morning hike through the forest while a gentle breeze passes by and the sun starts to give the area a pleasant warmth. Back on the coast you couldn't run and grab the mail without getting drenched in moisture from either sweat, humidity, or a mixture of both. The coast sucks, hell Virginia sucks altogether, you're glad to be in Kepler.

“I want to go home, home.” you say out of nowhere.

Before you reach the entrance you hear barking, oh the RV campers must be up. Should you be careful not to scare them, or just walk normally and say 'Good morning' in passing, maybe just nod your head in greeting. Oh and you've stopped just beside the entrance as you got lost in your rambling. You didn't mean to come to a stop here, and as you try to move you notice how silent it's gotten. Did the dog go inside, maybe they've already passed...no it's too quiet for that. No the silence is oppressive like the one you deal with nightly, there's a reason for the silence. The situation's making you feel uneasy, but that could be the sleep deprivation talking.

You're about to brush it off and move when you hear a whispered, “Seriously man, I don't think anyone's out there. Let's get inside.”

There's a noise of agreement before you hear shuffling. Oh no, you zoned out and now you look like a weirdo stalker. Just perfect, maybe if you wait around a little more you'll seem more normal or at least feel normal. Not knowing how long to wait you walk along the tree line for a bit, looking at the ground as you do making sure you won't step on any snakes. In you quest to not step on any snakes you spot something suspiciously off white. It seems purposefully buried under a dead blueberry bush and some fallen branches.

Having listened to too many true crime shows, you know better than to implicate yourself in a murder. Grabbing a stick off the ground you gently brush the foliage away from the supposed corpse. No way, you can't believe your luck, it's an actual fucking skull. An intact skull of a deer! That is so cool, you've only seen taxidermists on TikTok getting so lucky and finding these dudes. Since the jaw bone is connected by tissue it of course isn't with the skull but maybe it's close by? Clearly this got planted or hidden by someone, maybe they were planning on pranking a friend by 'uncovering' a skull later. Oh well, finders keepers and all that, you have way better plans for this guy, hopefully you can find that jaw bone.

You set off searching through the foliage and near by bushes with the branch while holding the skull in your other arm. After searching about three feet around and finding no more bones you decide that this is the only part of the deer's skeleton in this area. A little disappointed but still thrilled with your find, you decide it must be a good time to go back to your car.

Surely you won't look weird now. You a little forager with their treasure in hand. Looks like you'll be busy cleaning, then bleaching, and cleaning these bones today. Is that the order to treat found bones? You aren't sure but you can look into that later. Placing the skull in the trunk so it doesn't roll about and get damaged you make sure it's secure before closing the trunk and getting into your car and locking the doors.

Not once did you notice the pairs of eyes that had been watching you. One watching as you found the deer skull, and the other set seeing you place bones into your car. They kept watching as you fiddled with the radio while the car was starting up. They watched as you pulled out of the sandy dirt lot and drove back down the old road a little faster than before now that you could clearly see.

#creepypasta fanfic #ticci tobyx reader #brain thomas x reader #timothy wright x reader #masky x reader #hoodie x reader #reader insert #no clue if I'm reaching a wider audience than AO3 but I'll try this out #Crossposted #as of now 13 chapters are over on AO3 if you wanted to read #other wise I'll post a chapter every 3 days on here until I catch up with AO3 #Ao3 has priority #A cure for insomnia

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takerfoxx · 2 years

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Magia Record, Season 3, Episode 2, "All the Girls Disappearing," First Impressions!

Y’know, if I was right about this having originally supposed to be the final fourth of season 2 but got made into its own thing because of production problems, then I’d say it was the right call.

It’s late, and this episode was more of an emotional experience rather than major plot developments, so I’ll cut right to the chase and make things quick.

I’ve mentioned time and again how large the shadow of the original series looms over this show. Madoka Magica was lightning in a bottle, a true game changer that cannot be matched, cannot be replicated, and there is no chance of this spin-off side story to reach those same heights and make that same impact. All it can hope to do is be the best possible version of itself.

And it’s certainly put in the effort. There’s a lot I love about this show, mainly the constant surreal visuals and charming characters, but it’s always hovered more around being Pretty Good rather than outright Great, though at times it has hit that mark.

This episode, I feel, hits that mark.

If the last episode was the spiritual equivalent to episode 10 of the original series, than this was the equivalent to episode 9, in which we bid goodbye to two beloved characters as they’re consumed by the nightmare of the Magical Girl system. Granted, it’s not quite the same. Momoko and Mifuyu are great, make no mistake, but they’re no Kyoko and Sayaka, did not have anywhere near the same level of narrative connection, and their loss here was more of a bittersweet sacrifice than an outright tragedy. Still, it did get me a little choked up, as did when they brought Kaede back. That whole sequence where they’re going from Magical Girl to Magical Girl, restoring each of them, was very moving. Goodbye, you two. I’m sorry you couldn’t bring your family back together in the end.

I really like that they took the time to show that even the faceless Black Wings were also being cured. It always bugs me when stories treat the named characters like they’re the only ones that matter while just killing off loads of background characters for shock value or whatever, but here it’s making it clear that everyone’s life matters, even the foot soldiers indoctrinated into the WoM. After all, since the WoM was founded to save them, it wouldn’t do to just let them die.

Oh God, what’s Yachiyo going to do when she finds out?

Meanwhile, now that Touka and Iroha’s memories have been restored, things unfortunately get worse. Now that she remembers Ui, Touka regains some measure of her sanity, enough to have some measure of regret over trying to kill Iroha, though naturally she wants to know why Nemu never told her about Ui.

And it’s quite simple: Nemu was worried that if Touka knew everything, she might abandon the plan, the plan that they had invested so much into. Granted, it had changed with the loss of Ui, but their end-goal remained fixed: find a way to save all Magical Girls.

You know, I honestly feel kind of sorry of these two, despite all they’ve done. They were just kids, trying to change what they saw as an injustice in the world. But Touka was driven nuts by the weight of all the pain she had to take into herself while Nemu was left with nothing else, nothing more to live for other than the plan.

We also learn where those messages to come to Kamihami City came from. It was Embryo Eve itself, Ui’s witch sending those messages. And it’s still around.

Touka might have regained her memories, and she was certainly pissed about having the truth kept from her, but in the end she agrees with Nemu. The plan must succeed. Which…involves Embryo Eve eating Walpurgisnacht for some reason, and that’ll enact some kind of perfect Doppel system? I think?

Look, the magic system in this show has always been kind of bullshit, so just roll with it.

Anyway, I was wondering how they were going to finish the show, since the main conflicts seems to have wrapped up. But no, Touka and Nemu are on EE, trying to chase down Walpurgisnacht, and that promises to be a titanic encounter.

…

It’s all going to end on a reset, isn’t it? God, please don’t end with a reset! I know it’s the only ending that makes sense, but please don’t end that way!

#puella magi madoka magica #pmmm #magia record #puella magi #touka satomi #nemu hiiragi #ui tamaki #momoko togame #mifuyu azusa #embryo eve #walpurgisnacht #reaction

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katribou · 4 years

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Maybe its not supposed to be a racism allegory. It still works for the story and worldbuilding. Just like Beastars, where attempts to compare it to real life won't work since the problems the characters face are really specific to their own society and their own nature, so the story wouldn't make sense if you replaced them with humans. But if the allegory really was the author's intent, then you're right and it was poorly done.

alright. i want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but there is a bit of ignorance to what you say. so i’ll be as thorough as possible about my thoughts.

authorial intent is really powerless when it comes to what a piece of media says or does. if a piece of media harms, but the author did not mean it to harm, does that make the harm any more less?

content creators and content consumers alike are likely familiar (and if not, should be) with the notion of ‘death of the author.’ from tvtropes’ summary of the concept:

Death of the Author is a concept from mid-20th Century literary criticism; it holds that an author's intentions and biographical facts (the author's politics, religion, etc) should hold no special weight in determining an interpretation of their writing. This is usually understood as meaning that a writer's views about their own work are no more or less valid than the interpretations of any given reader. Intentions are one thing. What was actually accomplished might be something very different. The logic behind the concept is fairly simple: Books are meant to be read, not written, so the ways readers interpret them are as important and "real" as the author's intention. [...]

Bottom line: A) when discussing a fictional work with others, don't expect "Author intended this to be X; therefore, it is X" to be the end of or your entire argument; it's universally expected that interpretations of fiction must at least be backed up with evidence from within the work itself and B) don't try to get out of analyzing a work by treating "ask the author what X means" as the only or even best way to find out what X means — you must search for an answer yourself, young seeker. Writing is the author's job; analyzing the work and drawing conclusions based on it is your job — if the author just gave away the answers every time, where would the fun be in that?

>interpretations of fiction must at least be backed up with evidence from within the work itself. okay, fine. so i argue brand new animal is a racism allegory. let’s look within the show to find evidence of this.

from episode 9: “But Nazuna wants to give a glimmer of hope and dreams to the beastmen who’ve been persecuted and suffered for so long.”

'the beastmen who have been persecuted.’ what exactly does that mean? persecution as defined in mac’s dictionary function (which cites new oxfords english dictionary): hostility and ill-treatment, especially because of race or political or religious beliefs.

the beastmen are not oppressed because of who they believe in, so not of religious beliefs or political beliefs, with the exception of believing they deserve rights, which plays into... that they are persecuted for race.

i dont really think i need to back up that statement, but for the sake of a sound argument, this is from episode 1.

it’s clear that this human dude has a distaste for michiru here because of what she is, a beastman, which is essentially what she is, her race. hence racial persecution, or, racism.

in your own words, “attempts to compare it to real life won't work since the problems the characters face are really specific to their own society and their own nature, so the story wouldn't make sense if you replaced them with humans.”

is the above exchange really so displaced from real life? this kind of thing really does happen; being targeted and even beat up simply for existing as you are is not something that is so specific to only the world of bna.

sure you may argue that replacing humans into the whole story would not make sense and well sure, yes. it is indeed a work of fiction so it won’t be a perfect replication of the human experience. but there is enough situations like the above to argue it mirrors racial prejudice in real life.

the evidence is there, so with the philosophy of “death of the author,” it is arguable this piece of media exists as a racial allegory, whether or not trigger wrote it to be that way. if they somehow did not have real race/minority relations in mind when writing this, which i would find very hard to believe, than it has still become bigger than them. because people who face racism will relate to scenarios such as beastmen being the target of hate crimes like the above, and nothing the authors meant to do really changes that feeling.

when such a scenario as above is set up in the very first episode to give you a picture of what this persecuted group experiences, while simultaneously likening itself to what minorities in real life experience, the treatment in following episodes of said group will reflect back as commentary on real life groups whether or not the authors intended that.

in bna’s case it’s rather damaging with implying this minority group is prone to rage and destruction because of their nature or dna:

episode 9: “Beastmen are easily influenced by their emotions. When their frustration builds up, the slightest thing sends them into a fury, causing confusion.”

episode 10: “The stress from multiple species invading your habitat accumulates subconsciously. In that situation if there is a powerful mental shock, the enrage switch in beast [dna] is set off, and their fight instincts take over.”

this is where you may argue in your own words “the story wouldn't make sense if you replaced them with humans.” which, yes that is true, but again this is fiction. the dynamic they establish in that first episode with beastmen being persecuted by humans is one founded in real race relations so the show at large becomes a vehicle to which it addresses race relations.

ep 10: “They’re [the drug vaccine that cures beastmen of being animals] made to subdue beastmen who have turned savage.”

goodness this almost becomes about eugenics! which is another movement founded on racism and other -isms!

the word “savage” generally refers to wild, violent unconfined animals, which, fine, i suppose, after all these ARE animal people in the show. but the show has established this animal people group as a targeted victim minority. historically in real life, the word “savage” has been a label used to describe many persecuted groups, like indigenous peoples or african americans, in a way to dehumanize them by comparing them to animals and force the idea that they are uncivilized while making the people in power feel more justified about their rough treatment of the targeted group.

i suppose arguably they are using the word “savage” to describe animals as the word originally was intended, but after establishing the framework of these animals as being persecuted peoples, do you understand the implications? are they basically saying yes, targeted minorites, are savage? admittedly i will say that that idea is a big jump, but even if you stick to the world of the show, basically this establishes that everyone is at the mercy of their genes turning them bad... not a great message.

i kind of went beyond the scope of what you addressed in your message, but wanted to show an example of how i think it is very important to consider how a piece of media can very easily become bigger than its creators, and that you cannot hide behind authorial intent saying otherwise when media expresses potentially damaging ideas.

to reiterate the line from tvtropes: Intentions are one thing. What was actually accomplished might be something very different.

#anonymous #sorry for longwindedness i enjoy media analysis sometimes!#long post #words #katchat

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ahhhsami · 4 years

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TLOU2 and the Stages of Grief

To begin, here’s a quick crash course into the 5 Stages of Grief.

There are five stages of grief; Denial & Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Although these are the identified stages, they are not experienced the same for everyone. People experience them occurring in different orders, experience each stage to different degrees, and in some cases people don’t experience all of the stages. Often times people in real life experience these stages without full completion due to how quickly the world moves and the responsibilities that society has put on an individual. Throughout the whole process, our own feelings and thoughts of mortality is brought up. But there is a common thread in each of the stages and that is Hope. While you may have lost someone you are still alive and there is hope that you will continue to live, or in some cases just survive.

Now that we’ve covered some basics to the 5 Stages of Grief, let’s really get into it in regards to The Last of Us Part II. There will be spoilers ahead.

1. Denial & Isolation

The obvious trigger to this first stage for Ellie was the killing of Joel. We can see this particular event beginning the thoughts of “This can’t be happening.” Denial is a buffer, a protection mechanism against tragic events. This then moves onto the feeling of helplessness and a lack of hope. Often times this stage is shorter, a more immediate response to the loss. Ellie clearly experiences this stage quickly, this can be seen through the audio distortion as soon as Joel is killed. The stage has begun and continues to be present as the scene cuts to Ellie, Ellie who has isolated herself and who is clearly going through the stage of Denial & Isolation. It’s the first wave of pain.

2. Anger

This is the stage that Ellie stays in the longest. Denial & Isolation, as mentioned before, is a defense mechanism. This wears off though and what replaces it is the realization of what has occurred and pain. Absolute pain. We are vulnerable creatures and to protect ourselves we express ourselves in different ways. A very common way is Anger. Anger can be expressed in different ways and towards different people and objects. In Ellie’s case, the Anger is supposedly focused on Abby, the killer of Joel, and the people of WLF. But when we delve into it further, it’s not just about Abby and the WLF. Ellie expresses Anger at Joel, at her life and circumstances, and even herself.

The reason for feeling anger isn’t always obvious. Her anger towards Abby is. This woman has taken someone that Ellie cares for. But when it comes to the other things that Ellie has anger towards, it’s not as obvious and definitely isn’t fleshed out or recognized unless you’ve completed the game. Ellie resents Joel to an extent. That is clear. It stems from him lying to her about the Hospital Incident from The Last of Us Part I. But it also comes from him leaving. Although it was out of his control, Joel is still gone. Resentment and anger can be rational and irrational, just like all of the other emotions and thoughts people have. Ellie also feels resentment towards herself. She continues to struggle with the fact that she was saved. That with giving up her own life, she may have been able to save humanity. That’s a lot for one person. But what makes this even harder to endure, is the fact that Joel made that choice for her. On top of all of this, it’s easy to be angry, and then feel more angry for feeling angry. It’s a vicious cycle that Ellie gets trapped in.

In the world of TLOU, this stage is the most prominent due to the circumstances. Anger allows someone to survive and that’s what the people of this world do. They don’t have the luxury to sit back and go through the Five Stages of Grief properly. Ellie has learned anger and survival from the very beginning and Joel just reiterates it. He cements it in TLOU when Henry and Sam die. Not everyone gets to see or hear this interaction, but here it is; Ellie “I want to talk about it.” Joel “No.” Ellie “Why not?” Joel “How many times do we need to go over this? Things happen. And we move on.” Ellie “It’s just-” Joel “That’s enough.” Ellie “Alright.” Survival does this to you. It suppresses normal feelings and thoughts to allow someone to survive. On top of this, Tommy prolongs this stage too. He’s also trapped within it, taking Ellie with him.

Let us not forget the hopeful part of this stage though. Again each stage has the underlying fact that you are still alive. That although you have lost someone, you can still live. That hope begins in the presence of Dina. She is Ellie’s rock and someone who almost pulls her out of the stage of Anger, but unfortunately isn’t enough. Ellie is still grieving when she leaves JJ and Dina. She’s dealing with PTSD, depression, regret, anger, denial, and so much more all at once. She’s not living, she’s surviving. She’s putting her own family at risk. And although people would have loved for her to stay with Dina and JJ, she wouldn’t have been happy. She wouldn’t be living.

When Ellie does leave, she is still in the stage of Anger. It was clear that she had thought that she was past it, done with grieving, but with her reliving Joel’s death, she had not progressed through all of the Stages of Grief. This also brings to light the fact that you can also experience the stages more than once. By having an episode like this, it can restart stages such as Denial and Isolation. Grieving is not linear.

3. Bargaining

This stage is honestly one of the most interesting to me. Bargaining deals with the “If only” ideas and statements that people think of when grieving. For Ellie a big one I believe is “If only I had found him sooner.” You can see that from her flashbacks from her PTSD and depression. You can see it in her actions of trying to get revenge on Abby and the WLF. She continues to think and act on these “If only” and “What if” statements and questions. But not just about the specific moment that Joel is killed. She thinks about “What if Joel had let me die? Had let the Fireflies find a cure,” “What if I had stayed with Dina?,” “What if I hadn’t convinced Tommy to also get revenge?,” “If only we didn’t live in this type of world,” “If only I had been able to kill Abby when I had the chance.”

Ellie is plagued by guilt throughout TLOU2. This stage can eat away at someone mentally. And it does for Ellie. Often times she experiences the Stage of Anger and the stage of Bargaining at the same time. But also experiences them separately.

4. Depression

There are different types of depression and when it comes to grieving, there are two main types. One is related to more practical implications, like feeling sadness and regret for not spending time with others due to isolating oneself from the grief. It can also be linked with your worries, such as how are we going to bury them, what do we do with their belongings, or in Ellie’s case, how to get revenge. The second is more emotional and private. It’s based on inner feelings of sadness, helplessness, hopelessness, and guilt.

This stage is something that Ellie suppresses. She pushes these feelings and thoughts down and instead it’s replaced with anger.

5. Acceptance

This is the stage that people may find the most controversial in regards to the game. Many people never reach this stage. Often stuck in Anger and Denial. When this does occur, that’s okay and that’s life, but in Ellie’s case, she does reach acceptance.

Some people may expect acceptance to lead to instant happiness and moving on. But that is not the case. Acceptance is often marked by withdrawal and a sense of calm. Acceptance is coming to grips with what has happened, who you have lost, and also accepting your own mortality. It’s coming to the conclusion that “I’ve lost someone important, but I’m going to be able to survive, I’m going to be able to continue to live my life.”

I truly believe that Ellie would not have been able to find acceptance if she had killed Abby. If she had, her own anger would have continued to consume her and she would never make it through the Stages of Grief that she had needed to. Ellie ended a cycle of being driven to only survive. She wasn’t living and that was clear.

The way that I personally felt from the ending was withdrawn, but also calm, just like the stage of acceptance should feel. Ellie put down Joel’s guitar and left. She didn’t just accept his death, but all of the other things that she was struggling with inwardly and outwardly. A huge thing being the fact that she was kept alive by Joel. She didn’t just accept his death, she forgave him. She continued to live, finally fully grieving for the loss of Joel. She will continue to miss him, but the stages of Denial and Anger probably won’t be present again. She may feel sadness, but it won’t be to the same extent. She may think of those “what ifs,” but will then be able to counteract those thoughts rationally.

Grief is complex and so was this story. To sum this all up, the writing in TLOU2 is human, it’s real, it’s tough, it’s uncomfortable, and not everyone will like it. If you do struggle with this story, try to be self-reflective. Try to be empathetic towards the people who have enjoyed it, to the writers, to the team of creators, and just to people in general. There’s a reason why TLOU2 makes people uncomfortable, just like The Last of Us Part I did.

#tlou2 #the last of us part 2 #the last of us #tlou #text #so long #PS: Abby was the example of killing the person u wanted revenge against but not reaching acceptance #her story paralleled Ellie's #Killing her would have just led to Ellie experiencing the same shit over and over again #All the psych and social work lectures really coming out clutch rn #Ellie #Joel #Abby #Dina #Tommy

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magaprima · 4 years

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Okay, it’s a GIF observation moment.

That moment, when she hears Adam’s voice and she’s like ‘could it be?’ and can’t quite believe what she’s hearing, but then the chain falls off the doll and she knows her son’s spirit is in there (The fact they did the same sort of shot on that as they did for the dice from Marie, I can’t help but think Part 5 was going to use Adam’s death and his spirit as a way of calling back Sabrina’s. Because they’re siblings, they both have celestial blood, both are gifts from Marie...so....but yeah that’s another point). We have seen, throughout this episode so far, Lilith being absolutely consumed by grief, she’s drowning in it. And then, the moment, she has the confirmation that the ‘boon’ she received is her son (or rather the first step in getting him back), and look at her expression:

There’s the flash of peace, like the calm that comes from having a cure for her grief, yes...but the SMALL SMILE. The moment she has even a part of her son back and we actually see Lilith smile. And that reveals so much about her as a person and also how much she loves Adam, yes, but it also shows, yet again, how quickly Lilith can adapt. A moment ago she was drowning in grief, but now, with one thing secured, she compartmentalises and adapts; why grieve Adam a second longer, if she’s going to get him back? No, she focuses on a whole new emotion:

Fucking revenge. Look at that determination, the way she’s holding the dagger. We’re left in no doubt of what she’s planning here; to end Lucifer once and for all. And the way she looks at where Adam’s spirit is, as if she’s planning it with him, it’s the reminder that they’re in this together, that they’ve been a team since the moment he was born (even her plans to ‘free’ them were for them to die together). Lilith has such determination here, but clearly such violent, murderous hatred type plots forming. Lucifer’s cruelty was why she had to kill her son, he then cursed her with immortality so that she’d never see her son again; and now....she has the one weapon that can kill him, she has her son back (well, almost) and, his very curse on her works in her favour. She’s immortal. The only thing that can kill her is the blade she’s holding.

Every cruelty he’s visited upon her has now become Lucifer’s very violent undoing, and Lilith fucking knows this.

I just love this shot, because it’s the first time since Adam’s death, that we’ve seen anything of a smile on Lilith, or anything of the old Lilith, the Lilith who doesn’t give up, who finds a way to get what she deserves. And what she deserves is her son back, revenge on Lucifer,and for she and Adam to take his fucking throne once and for all.

And I feel in that last shot, it’s not just Lilith planning this....it’s her knowing she’ll succeed.

#observations

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kiss-my-freckle · 3 years

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Damon Salvatore: Growing Pains

The very open of this episode is one of the reasons I like it so much. They actually show what it's like to transition through Elena's character. Senses are mangnified. Compelled memories are recovered. Typically explained through character dialogues. In this episode, I feel it. I can't tell you how much I love Elena recovering the memory of Damon's compulsion. The way she looks at the two of them is gorgeous, with their chosen soundtrack... perfection.

Sigh... that necklace needs to be put to gif.

Klaus' threatening to rip Tyler's heart out. Once Elena feeds, it's over. There's no denying her feelings for Damon. Imagine what being consumed feels like once it's magnified. Yeah, it would've taken longer for her had she remained human, but she still would've chosen Damon. Becoming a vampire will give her the courage she needs. Expect fear in opposites. You can start with the fact that Elena knows he's changing her, and she doesn't want him changing her too much. With someone who's more like she is, easier for her to feel safe in that relationship. One of my all-time favorite opposite ships is Bones and Booth.

My opinion according to the parallels... “Unless you wanna relive that whole deathbed kissy thing.” Elena chose Stefan because she planned a deathbed kiss like Damon’s in 2x22. She had a problem with him kissing her earlier. "No matter what happens, it's the BEST choice I ever made." Rose's comment to Jeremy. Delena isn't far behind. Love seeing how angry Damon is. "Your choice, Elena. As always." Nearly dying again because he told her she had to feed, but neither bothered to listen. "You weren't there the day Elena looked me in the eye and told me she absolutely never wanted this.” Damon didn’t need to be there, he already knows she didn’t want this, and his answer would still be the same. She has to feed lol. It’s now Stefan’s regret to feel. They’re already throwing in his fix-it dialogues. “Now let me try to fix it.” The sire bond will only heighten his jealousy, and make him push harder for the cure.

The last three gifs allow for the sire bond storyline. Elena lied to both brothers. Damon isn’t slamming her initial choice. “Not just Stefan, Damon. To Tyler. To Caroline.” She already made that choice before calling him. “You asked me to make a choice, Damon. So I did." He’s slamming her second choice. “If it was just down to him and me, and you had to make a choice...” Had Stefan heard any bit of her conversation with Damon, he’d be heartbroken. “I can't think about always.” Matt knew since 3x16. Expect his dialogue to follow through with her magnified feelings. “Once you fall in love with someone, I don't know if... I don't know if you can ever shake 'em.” There was no point for Elena to tell Damon that she’d choose him. It would only cause him more pain, so she gets the opposite. Damon’s “I love you” that came wth his deathbed kiss went to Stefan. She’d get Damon’s “I love you” from her compelled memory.

She pushed Damon back to 3x2. “I want you to remember the things you felt while he was gone." Shove her and Damon on the bridge, then in her bedroom. She’ll remember. When she grabs his hand to hold it, it’s instinctual.

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nellied-reviews · 4 years

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Cigarette Candy Re-listen

Okay, it’s episode 5 of my epic Wolf 359 re-listen, and that can only mean one thing:

Cigarette Candy

In which Eiffel is ill, Minkowski and Hera are out of the picture and I have way too many thoughts about how Hilbert is totally not making Eiffel sick. Nuh-uh.

Where do I even begin with this episode?

Maybe I'll start with the obvious: Cigarette Candy is a very different episode on a re-listen. It was a sinister, tense episode to begin with, sure. But knowing that Hilbert really has been making Eiffel sick adds a whole layer of uncertainty, for me at least.

Because what is the point? Largely, I think it's an episode about whether or not Hilbert can be trusted. We heard last episode, after all, that the good doctor was willing to leave Eiffel to die in space. It's natural that we might now wonder where his loyalties lie. And so we get this, an episode that teases us with the idea that Hilbert might, in fact, be a bad guy. And of course, the answer we are left with, at the end of the episode, is that no, Hilbert’s creepy and weird and a million kinds of unethical, but ultimately he is one of the good guys.

It's a brilliant misdirect, and it relies entirely on us misunderstanding what an evil Hilbert would look like. We, like Eiffel, assume that Hilbert, if he were actually evil, would be the archetypical mad scientist. And mad scientists aren't generally subtle. They certainly don't do regular things like help Communications Officers overcome the flu. And so we assume, since Hilbert isn't cartoonish in his villainy, and does, ultimately, help Eiffel, that he mustn't be a villain at all. We're wrong, of course. The episode doesn't give that away, though.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Because as Cigarette Candy starts, it's not immediately clear that that's where this is all going. Instead, we tune in to a weirdly happy Eiffel, who claims he's trying a new, more optimistic approach to life. It's odd, and doesn't exactly bode well, especially with the occasional, gross coughing that Eiffel insists is no big deal. But it still feels like a light-hearted, comedy set-up. And hey, at least Hilbert seems to be doing something helpful, this time, right?

Of course, it's worth mentioning that Hilbert's "help" involves the titular cigarette candy, which are what Eiffel calls his nicotine lozenges. These, we quickly learn, are the reason for Eiffel's new, sunny outlook on life. They're sugary, they're soothing and - oh, yeah - they taste like "day-old ashtray". Which... eww! But apparently Eiffel prefers that to the default cinnamon? Enough that he's consuming them in unwise quantities? I don't know, it certainly wouldn't be my choice. But you do you, Eiffel.

In any case, it leaves us in this weird situation where Hilbert is actually in Eiffel's good books, which is fun to listen to, until the doctor suddenly lets slip that hey, Eiffel, it's strange how you aren't experiencing any myalgia... yet.

It's super unsubtle, and part of me really wants to believe that Hilbert did it on purpose, just to troll Eiffel. "English such inelegant cudgel of a language", my ass. I see you there, Doc.

Funny as it is, though, it also marks the point at which the episode takes a sharp U-turn into psychological and medical horror, as Eiffel slowly begins to suspect that Hilbert has been poisoning him. Things only get worse when Eiffel faints and is taken to sickbay, and when Hilbert admits that he's not really a proper doctor, bound by all of those pesky ethics, it's downright chilling.

One phrase in particular, I think, tells us everything we need to know about Alexander Hilbert's motivations: "Always saw Hippocratic Oath as leaving one with a very limited scope. True science mustn't be so severely hindered." Hilbert, in the end, is all about the science, and he'll break the rules to get results, if needs be. It's a single-minded, pragmatic focus that we’ll see from the doctor over and over again as the show wears on. Here, then, although we don't know it yet, we're actually getting our first proper insight into what makes Dr. Hilbert tick. Pretty neat.

That said, on a first listen-through, before we learn about Decima, it just sounds like your standard mad scientist rant. It's followed up by some more mad scientist antics too, as Hilbert confines Eiffel to sickbay, ties him up and claims total authority over Eiffel's schedule, cutting him off completely from Hera and Minkowski. It's textbook nefarious, and so it sets Hilbert up perfectly as a properly sinister, if slightly cliché villain.

Of course, it's also just about plausible. We can just about see how confining Eiffel might help him get better soon, and we can just about see that he's not fit to be working, and we can just about see how a lack of distractions might be helpful. Add Eiffel's potential delusions into the mix, and we can see how the whole business could just be a misunderstanding, a product of Eiffel's fever and Hilbert’s lack of people skills. We can't 100% write the doctor off as a villain - and so the episode manages to maintain the tension, all the way through the back end of the episode. Is Hilbert really as evil as he seems? Or is Eiffel imagining it all?

It's at this point that the first season's log format works in our favour, because if we're only hearing the personal logs of Douglas Eiffel, we're only getting the story from one very limited, potentially delusional point of view. We aren't getting Minkowski or Hera's more balanced perspectives, and so the suspense is preserved - is Hilbert trustworthy? We can't know. It's the sort of thing the show won't be able to do as easily in later seasons, at least not without finding a plot-related reason to side-line the other, more objective characters. Here, though, the nature of Eiffel's logs creates a more claustrophobic, tense bottle episode, where we can never quite be sure what's going on.

The absence of Hera and Minkowski is also ominous in and of itself. The pause after Eiffel calls out to Hera and she doesn't answer, in particular, is really eerie, at least for me. I don't know, I guess I'm just used to Hera being there? It certainly cranks up the tension, especially when Hilbert foils Eiffel's attempt to contact Minkowski, and even more so when he reveals that he also knows that Eiffel hasn't been taking his drugs - that's why he's been giving him them intravenously.

And look, I know we've said that Hilbert isn't bound by the Hippocratic Oath. Being shady and unethical's kind of his thing. But can we just stop and appreciate just how messed up it is to drug Eiffel like this? It's not even like it's the first time this has happened, either. Remember the halothane gas? What we're seeing, in that light, looks more like an emerging pattern - a pattern of incidents where people are messed with, physically or psychologically, without their consent.

It's something we'll see again and again, throughout Wolf 359, and more often that not, it's linked less to individuals like Hilbert, and more to Goddard Futuristics, and their general ethos of dehumanising callousness. Hilbert is possibly evil, sure. But he's backed up by a whole, sucky-ass corporation, who have created an environment where consent - and all of the respect for human dignity and life that that implies - is not encouraged or valued. It's a gross, corporate attitude that is linked directly to moments like this, where Eiffel can be drugged and held captive against his will precisely because Hilbert knows there will be no official consequences for it. Goddard Futuristics do not care about human minds or bodies. They just care about the profits. It's not the same thing that drives Hilbert, as a character. But it aligns with his goals. Hilbert wants answers. Goddard wants money. Neither care much for actual humans.

That's actually one of the most frightening things about this episode - that, and the recording that Eiffel makes for Minkowski, urging her not to trust Hilbert once he's dead, which is funny, in a dark sort of way, until you think about Lovelace's old crew, and how Dr. Hilbert - sorry, Dr. Selberg - picked them off, one by one. That's essentially the exact same scenario that Eiffel's imagining here, when he worries about Hilbert going after Minkowski next, so perhaps he's not too far off the mark. Yikes.

Still, all is well in the end, as Hilbert reveals that Eiffel is cured! The knife was only for cutting Eiffel's restraints - way to not terrify your patient, doc! - and now Eiffel is cleared for duty, effective immediately. Phew!

It's a relief, for Eiffel and for us, and it's very easy to just see it as a heart-warming ending. The mad scientist turns out to be a good guy after all, Eiffel learns a lesson about judging people, and everyone goes back to their routine. Crisis averted. The episode asks, "Can Hilbert be trusted?" The ending tells us that he can. Case closed.

Only it's not that simple, is it? For one, Hilbert admits that Eiffel was infected with a tropical flu from his lab; knowing how much we now know, how likely is it that that "tropical flu" was actually Decima, or somehow Decima-related? In this respect, Hilbert's trustworthiness is actually far from established.

Secondly, though, and perhaps more interestingly, there's also the idea that Hilbert might have genuinely cured Eiffel, but might still be up to no good. A dead Eiffel, after all, means no more Decima research, and that would be a disaster for Hilbert. Keeping the crew alive and healthy is in Hilbert's best interests, and so, to a degree, he is actually trustworthy, or at least reliable. In fact, Hilbert is probably one of the most reliable characters in the series, if only because he can always be trusted to protect his own interests. Unlike the others, whose goals sometimes shift, and whose actions are often determined by their emotions or their underlying characters, Hilbert almost never acts in such a way as to compromise his goals and his work. His focus is single-minded, and it makes him very, very reliable - trustworthy, almost. But good? Ethical? Not so much. It's at best a parody of integrity, a twisted, brutal code that doesn’t care much for other people.

The story, I think, is more interesting for it. Instead of a story about how Hilbert secretly has a heart of gold, we get a more unsettling story about how Hilbert can be relied on, but only to a certain extent. Instead of a story about a good person being good, it's the story of a bad person doing good - and that is infinitely more compelling.

And of course, all this is only really obvious in hindsight. Listening to it blind, we get an episode that is funny, tense and just about the right kind of creepy. It's simultaneously the darkest thing the show has done so far, an excellent black-humour-filled bottle episode and (almost) a heart-warming tale. To have that and all the bonus, retrospective Hilbert characterisation?

*shakes my head*

This episode, man.

Miscellaneous thoughts:

I said already but cigarette candy sounds so gross!

Zach Valenti does such a good job of sounding properly, horribly ill throughout this whole episode

"Officer Eiffel, you look terrible." Aww, no need to sugar-coat it, doc!

"You're not making me sick, are you?" "What possible reason could there be for doing that?" *whistles innocently*

Ugh when Hilbert says "Good night!" like that :O

Heh, the ticking clock in the background when Hilbert gets the kife out is a nice little touch

"Bedside manner is like anaesthetic. It just gets in way of what needs to be done."

#wolf 359 #wolf359 #w359 #wolf 359 relisten #cigarette candy #nellied reviews #so many thoughts about Alexander Hilbert #too many thoughts about Alexander Hilbert #but at least I posted them on the right blog this time

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