#the only mention of it is in their 'see also: weapons of the fiend' AND IM LIKE????? is that??? is that THE NAME FOR IT????? bruh kys wtf

[zwei-rhunen]

why is it so difficult to find out how to make sephirot's weapons glow lmao

i stumble upon their true name while googling around OUT OF SHEER LUCK LMAO

they're not "sephirotic", they're "of the fiend". that's so un-intuitive.

why isn't this mentioned anywhere in-game.

the ITEM DESCRIPTION for sephirotic would be a great place!

this was so annoying to figure out smh

and it turns out, you dont even need?? the extreme weapon drops???

h u h????????

i mean, that's cool that's so accessible and all, i'm happy for that, but also - that don't make no sense to me... that fight was pretty challenging.... what do u mean, you can't also get the glowy version from that???? lmao?????? or, idk, make the extreme drop have a different colored glow. something.

/confusion

[igncrxntripley]

How do you think TJD would react to the reader having night terrors? ( for their secret weapon)

bad dreams

a/n: not me mixing TJD fluff and angst 🫠 also added a new plot point...we'll be playing with that as time goes on LMAOOO

mentions: bad dreams, nightmares, night terrors, anxiety, crying, description of past trauma, slight appearance from the spooky scary fiend, overall SFW but be cautious of above themes

taglist: @babybatlover @ripleyswhore @auburnwrites @thesithdiaries

She was running, running, running...Y/N ran through the dark forest in hopes of getting as far away as she could. Every time she turned her head she could see him going after her. He was huge - almost animalistic. The animal head he wore only made him look that much more like a beast. Y/N had been running like her life depended on it but she had no clue where she even was. She could barely see anything in front of her but she knew she needed to keep going. As soon as she stopped, he was going to catch up to her. She couldn't let that happen.

Y/N finally saw it in front of her; a cabin, the porch light shining in the dark and illuminating the house. It was the only source of solitude around, and she knew she needed to go for it before he found her. She ran to the house and stepped foot onto the rickety wooden porch and opened the door before she could even think twice about it.

Her back hit the door as she caught her breath. Y/N stood there in pitch black once again, but she hoped she was safe at least for a little while. "I need to find them..." She whispered to herself; she'd lost her partners a long ways back after they ran in different directions and had no clue where anyone was. The last she saw of any of them, Dominik tripped and clearly hurt himself but he told her to keep going. Y/N needed to listen to him and just hope they'd fine another again.

Before Y/N could even make her next move, she heard soft humming in front of her. She couldn't tell what the tune was, but the deep voice sent shivers down her spine. She could hear something creeking, something moving...it made her blood run absolutely still in her body.

"Let me in."

Y/N's eyes widened in fear when she heard the voice. It sounded so familiar, yet she could barely pinpoint it. No words left her mouth to answer him, but she watched closely as he lit a lantern to shine on his face. He smiled at her, his wild hair and beard only making him that much more deranged. "We've been waiting for you, Sister Abigail." He said with a smile, slowly rocking in a rocking chair.

Her breathing only picked up as she panicked. Y/N shook her head, and when she turned around to the door to make a run for it she saw the same beat from earlier. She had nowhere to turn, nowhere to run...

"Let us in."

--- ---

Y/N practically shot up in bed with a gasp, clutching her chest as she tried to catch her breath. She didn't even notice the tears and sweat on her face, but she could feel just how claustrophobic she was in the bed.

Hearing their princess cry was like a siren for each member of The Judgement Day. They heard her wake up, and they each slowly followed suit and sprung into action when they noticed just how in distress she was. "Baby, hey..." Rhea was the first to say something, her hand reaching out to touch Y/N's arm.

She jumped when Rhea touched her, but as soon as she realized who it was the tears only rushed harder down her cheeks. "I-I...h-he...I couldn't s-see...!" Y/N panicked as the words tried to form and explain why she was so upset but it just wasn't working.

"Woah woah woah..." Rhea said, immediately pulling Y/N into a hug and letting her cry it out. Her brows were furrowed in confusion as she held their girl close to her chest and looked at each of her partners to see if they knew what to do. Damian rubbed his eyes before putting on his glasses to see what happened, Finn and Dominik looking just as confused and worried. "What happened, love? Huh?" Damian asked this time, his hand coming forward to rub Y/N's thigh.

What her partners didn't know, was that this nightmare was the result of Y/N's long and damaging history with The Fiend himself. One that started when she began her run in NXT, and ended not long before Brooks and Josh came into the picture.

Everyone knew that when Bray Wyatt wanted something, he was going to get it. It didn't matter how or what he needed to do - once he had a target, he was laser focused. And a naÏve, young Y/N easily became one of those targets when she first started training with the WWE.

She did her best to ignore his presence whenever him or a sign of him showed up. But Bray quickly caught on, and he never took well to the ways in which Y/N would just turn her back on him or throw away the things he'd leave behind. He would begin making his presence more obvious; showing episodes of Firefly Funhouse after her matches, sending Alexa to visit, anything he could to not only make it clear what he wanted but not let Y/N have the chance to ignore him.

Once Y/N met Brooks, Bray backed off. He'd been taking more time off and focused his energy elsewhere, but that didn't mean it lessened Y/N's fear of The Fiend. She'd been doing so well for so long, too; not thinking of him or even seeing him when she closed her eyes to sleep. But somehow he was working his way back into her world, and she needed it to stop.

Y/N’s body shook in Rhea’s hold, practically paralyzed in fear. “L-lights…turn t-the lights on! He’s g-gonna c-come back!” She panicked. Dominik hurried and started by turning on a set of string lights that illuminated the area around the bed. Once everyone could see, they got a better look at Y/N’s tear stained face with some sweat starting to form at her hairline.

“Who’s ‘he’, baby?” Rhea asked quietly, but Y/N only shook her head in response and continued to let her tears fall. It was clear they weren’t going to get any immediate answers from Y/N so Rhea sat patiently with her and let her cry.

Finn moved forward a little and moved the hairs from Y/N’s face. “You need to breathe, princess. Look at me…” he encouraged, smiling a little as her eyes met his. “There she is.” Finn took one of her hands and placed it over his chest as he started to take deep breaths. “Just follow my lead.”

As Y/N let Finn calm her down, Damian stayed next to Rhea and continued to rub Y/N’s thigh. Dominik had made his escape to grab some water, but once he came back he was right back in bed and rubbing Y/N’s lower back. Nothing was more comforting than the four sets of hands on her body, their sole purpose being to ground her and calm her down after being startled awake.

Y/N’s sobs turned into sniffles eventually turned into sniffles as she image of her running through the woods replayed in her mind. Even though the lights had been turned on and she saw her partners around her, the imminent fear remained in her kind of being alone. She continued to tremble in Rhea’s hold, and the stares of everyone around her didn’t go unnoticed.

“He was…he kept chasing me.” She whispered softly. One of Dominik’s hands reached forward and held her own, her finger lightly tracing the tattoos on his hand. “We all had to split up. He…it was so dark…” Y/N could barely get the words out to explain what she saw in her dreams and she just knew she was going to struggle even beginning to explain it.

Finn frowned and rubbed her back. “Who is he, my love?” He asked quietly.

Rhea could feel the shiver that went down Y/N’s spine at Finn’s question. It took a second, but eventuality answer answer left Y/N’s lips in a hushed whisper; she was scared that even trying to speak up would bring her nightmare into existence. “Bray.” Y/N finally said, looking at Finn with teary eyes over Rhea’s shoulder.

"I knew it." Dominik mumbled as he gently shook his head, his fingers drawing gentle patterns on Y/N's lower back as she continued t calm down.

Damian frowned; he hated that he couldn’t protect his partners from everything, especially the nightmares that would pop up in their sleep unannounced. He was someone who lived to protect all four of them, and not being able to do so made him feel an immense amount of rage. But he was determined to make it better even for the time being.

He reached out and gently rubbed Y/N’s thigh. “Nothing is going to happen to any of us, especially you.” Damian said quietly. “There’s nowhere safer than right here in our home.” Y/N’s bottom lip trembled again at his words, and while she was still too terrified to fully believe Damian she gave a small nod. She also moved out of Rhea’s hold to settle in Damian’s; his muscular arms wrapped tightly around her body to shield her from anything that she thought could potentially come for her. “You're okay." He whispered softly.

Y/N's fingers gently played with the loose strands of Damian's hair; anything to occupy her mind other than the dream she'd just woken up from was fine with her. The other three watched by with sad eyes, each of them exchanging looks with one another and Damian to come up with something that could make this all better for their girl...but they knew it wasn't going to be an easy fix.

Eventually once the sniffles stopped and Y/N had exhausted herself all over again, everyone was getting settled into bed with hopes of not being woken up again. Y/N had once more been transferred to a different partner, this time laying on Finn's chest with Dominik next to her. The younger man's arm was lazily draped around her waist while Finn's fingers twirled her hair, looking down at her every so often to see if she'd fall asleep.

"If you'd quit staring at me maybe I'll fall asleep." She teased him softly.

Finn chuckled at her and used his long fingers to gently scratch at her scalp. "I'm just checkin' on ya. Need to make sure you get at least some of your beauty sleep." He smiled and gently tilted her face up so she would look at him. "Go to sleep, my love. We've got you."

[moonfirerainbow]

Chainsaw Man chap 162!!

Okay okay the info dropped this chapter is so good!! First, lemme say let Denji be in total control of his body 2024

First!!! Nail trying to appeal to Quanxi is fantastic. Loved that he tried to distract her/check if she would let him live.

Also also! I think he was protecting the kids from her!! We know he doesn’t want them involved in violence, from back in his introductory chapter. It’s fascinating to see we are getting another reasonable/functional fiend, similar to Quanxi’s girls, Beam, Violence and of course Power.

Also, not sure if Katana Man tried to run away, or if he attacked. I think he attacked because he knows he can’t die, so why would he run? Plus, he wants his chance to fight Chainsaw Man, and if he runs, he loses that chance.

Next!! The bit about Quanxi’s girls! Okay this is one of the best bits of info we could have received!

I think Public Safety is either lying about having the bodies (least likely) or would have kept the bodies anyway and is just using that to keep Quanxi in line. But but!! Since this Devil detention center is specifically for doing all kinds of things to the devils/fiends, that could mean that they have the rest of the devils and fiends bodies from part 1. A lot of us have thought this was a possibility for a while, but it feels like this is the confirmation.

Which could mean! The Gun fiend (only Gun, not Aki) reappearing is a terrifying possibility. There is absolutely no way PS just let Aki’s body be cremated, not when he was a dead (but possibly revivable) Gun fiend that they could study/use. And with Aki’s consciousness completely gone, Gun could be used as a mostly controlled weapon. Back in part 1, a bit of Power was still alive inside Denji, and that was enough that with eating a part of Pochita, she was able to come back in her devil form. I feel like this means something for differences in devil bodies and fiend bodies. Like, Makima had her whole contract regarding her deaths, but if she was so powerful, why would she need it? And same with Angel - he was far more powerful than we even knew, so why was he so easily killed (and still we don’t know for certain why he couldn’t reattach/grow his arms back).

Last thing that was interesting/worth noting, the Kishibe mention!!

I’ve seen some mention that it could be Kobeni or even someone else, but I think it is mostly likely Kishibe. It sounds like something he would say. Reze is another possibility, since they were both under Makima’s control at the same time and might have spent a lot of time together. But, because of the wording, I definitely believe it’s Kishibe.

This was such a great chapter. We got some fascinating crumbs of info, we have Quanxi giving us some emotion/agency upon seeing Denji (which greatly increases the chances of everyone living), we got a Kishibe mention, Quanxi’s girls mentioned, and now the two week devil is back. Can’t wait for the next chapter ahhhhhhhhh.

[monstersdownthepath]

Lord of Heresy and Despair: Sifkesh, the Sacred Whore

CR 28

Chaotic Evil Medium Outsider

Adventure Path: Wrath of the Righteous: Demon's Heresy, pg. 86-87

WARNING: In addition to despair and heresy, Sifkesh is also the Demon Lord of Suicide. I bring this up because it is reflected in her kit, her lore, and especially in her Divine Obedience and Boons. It is impossible to discuss her stats without mentioning this part of her portfolio. Do not read into her if you are especially sensitive to such subjects.

Among the strangest and most enigmatic of all Demon Lords, it's believed that Sifkesh was once a powerful Erinyes Devil that turned her back on Hell and became one of of the first of the devils to betray Asmodeus. Her two largest lore blocks (in the Complete Book of the Damned and the above-mentioned pages in WotR) are frustratingly vague thanks to the complexity of both her statblock and her Boons taking up the majority of each source, but it paints a gruesome enough picture of this fiend: A great many Demon Lords are gluttonous, or greedy, or heretical, but Sifkesh is on an entirely different level. She does not just embrace heresy, she is heresy in every aspect of her being, so thoroughly that she's heretical to cosmic order... and even the game's mechanics.

I say 'heretical to the cosmic order' because the Sacred Whore isn't just a Demon Lord in her behavior; she destroys like a demon and especially prizes destroying faiths and places of worship (regardless of alignment), but she plots and corrupts like a devil, misleading mortals and poisoning their faith and hope though lies and false guidance with the ultimate goal of weakening the faith's standing in the eyes of the public, if not destroying it entirely. She can spend patient years molding powerful and influential men and women of the cloth into perfect servants of hers, weaving heresies and blasphemies into their beliefs until something--typically another person of equal standing in the same faith--causes the scales to fall from their eyes. By then, though, it's far too late; their souls are too stained to join the god they believed they were serving in the afterlife, and in horrified despair they're driven to take their own lives... at which point Sifkesh seizes their soul and consumes it, denying their soul to any afterlife, even her own.

Demon, devil, daemon--destroyer, corruptor, devourer. Sifkesh plays as all three in equal measure... making her and her minions a very flexible BBEG in a campaign where religious horror and corruption is the main threat. Direct worship of Sifkesh is noted to be 'incredibly personal' for reasons only grimly alluded to, and as such her "cults" tend to consist of 2 or 3 individuals infiltrating larger cults and withering them from within... even other evil cults. The Sacred Whore doesn't play favorites, and even her fellow Demon Lords aren't immune to her antics.

But enough about the havoc she wreaks in the mortal world, let's see what she can do once you pull back the curtains and engage her directly...

In contrast to the other feminine demons we've seen stated out so far, Sifkesh isn't a seductive manipulator who seeks to avoid combat and, if combat is inevitable, becomes an obnoxious ranged/DoT fighter! Instead she's an overt manipulator, using Suggestion at-will to command everyone around her to make her job easier. She's even got the Quickened version 3/day to gently convince people to throw their weapons and shields inside so she can more easily peel them apart with her hideous razor and sharpened claws, and if she's especially impatient, there's Quickened Dominate Person at 3/day to simply seize control of anyone who fails a DC 28 Will save.

These aren't the only notables among her spell-likes, though; Symbol of Strife is unlikely to work on players powerful enough to encounter her but does wonders for turning their summons on their masters and twisting lower-level NPCs to madness, and though she has it only 1/day the DM can easily handwave multiple onto her chosen battlefield if she's seen the players coming (and she likely will, given how subtle her work usually is; it gives her plenty of time to know who's interrupting her plots). Once active, the Symbol will radiate waves of hatred out until their duration expires or they've affected a combined total 150 HP of creatures, meaning that anyone who's dropped below that threshold by, say, Sifkesh's Full-Attack, becomes vulnerable to turning on their friends.

Which typically means "after one round of attacks."

While the aforementioned lady demons weren't as powerful in melee as they were at a range, Sifkesh shows them up by being equally strong in both. Her weapon of choice, a +5 Unholy Speed War Razor, deals 1d4+27 damage (+2d6 vs Good targets) with every strike (5 a round thanks to the Speed enchantment), and during a Full-Attack she can also choose to swipe once with her sword-length claws for 4d6+27 damage as well. Her claws also cause hideous, rending scars in the victim's body and soul, forcing them to make a DC 41 Will save or become afflicted by 1d4 Charisma drain. Even success on the save causes sickness for 1 round, but failing enough times in a row has an even worse punishment: being reduced to 3 or less Charisma curses the victim with self-destructive depression, which causes them to automatically fail ALL saves against Sifkesh's spell-like AND supernatural abilities until the drain is healed. Suddenly, her Quickened Dominate Person goes from threatening to battle-warping, and her 1/day Weird goes from a nuisance to a party wipe.

How's it a party wipe, you may ask? Because she can use Whirlwind Attack to slash the entire party at once with her claw and then see who's the most miserable afterwards and focus them down until they're rendered catatonic by the damage or the drain. She's resilient enough to be patient and make sure she can get everyone who's a major threat with a single casting. "But wait," I hear you say, "she's Medium! She has a 5ft reach, so all we need to do is--"

Be 40 or more feet away. You may notice that Sifkesh's limbs aren't actually sticking to her! Her Detached Limbs simply float near her body for the sake of convenience, and while this makes her immune to any effect that would sever her limbs or head, the more important part is that she can launch her limbs out and rapidly retract them as she attacks, giving her a 30 foot melee reach. Heretical to the game's rules, remember? She has an enormous threat radius for a Medium creature and she can easily take advantage of the fact the players might not realize just how far she can slap them from by using Combat Expertise for extra AoOs, draining Charisma from people trying to get into position or cast spells even when it's not her turn and using Whirlwind Attack to deliver a single massive cleaving claw attack when it is. Her claw's massive damage, reach, and Charisma drain also makes her Spring Attack more obnoxious, though with her 120ft fly speed, a DM wanting to up her potential annoyance factor could swap Spring Attack for Flyby Attack.

Despite using a lightweight finesse weapon Sifkesh has no Sneak Attack damage, so she doesn't get as much use as, say, Shax and Nocticula do from Time Stop + Summon Demons, and she's certainly no Shamira or Kostchtchie when it comes to setting up shenanigans during stopped time, typically delegating it to either an escape or an engage tool, plopping herself in the middle of a party so her whirlwind of limbs can peel them apart. Despite her leather duds, Sifkesh is significantly harder to hurt than almost any other demigod of similar status; she not only has the Demigod Suite of immunities (death, charm/compulsion, petrification, energy drain), but one very special and specific immunity that is likely to make at least one person in the party froth at the mouth with rage: Complete immunity to slashing weapons.

Her body breaks open and folds around any incoming slashing weapons, negating their damage AND abilities entirely. No swords, no axes, no sickles and scythes, and certainly no using her own weapons against her. And adding onto the 'heretical vs game rules' is the second half of her protection against weapons: Sifkesh absorbs critical hits from any source, be it a weapon or spell. Her Critical Healing restores HP equal to the extra damage she would have taken from any critical hit, so the higher your weapons' crit modifier, the more healing she gets from this ability. Maybe it's a good thing that scythes can't critically hit her...? Slashing weapons don't work at all, and piercing weapons tend to rely on their critical ratio/modifier, which means you can end up healing her more than hurting her... which just leaves the humble bludgeoning instruments. Greatclub gang rise up! Provided that bludgeoning weapon can bypass her DR 20/Cold Iron, Epic, and Good.

The good news is that at least Sneak Attack still works on her!

But here's more bad news: the indirect resilience granted to her by her Despairing Cry making her even more infuriating to harm! This is a swift action she can take once ever 1d4 rounds to fill everyone within 60ft with unrelenting despair. Any creature that succeeds a DC 38 Will save is sickened for 1d4 rounds, but anyone who fails is slapped with 24 entire hours of hopelessness, instilling a -6 penalty to attack rolls, damage rolls, saving throws, ability checks, AND skill checks. Anyone under the effects of the Despairing Cry has any immunity to fear suppressed (making them vulnerable to, among other things, her Frightful Presence and Weird) can also be convinced via Suggestion, Charm effects, or Dominate effects to take suicidal actions without penalty or the ability to resist the impulse, potentially saving her time by convincing party members to do themselves in for her.

There is, of course, even further heresy against the rules of the game, but before we cover that final part of her kit, her literally Heretical nature bolsters her Spell Resistance from 39 to 41 whenever she's targeted by Divine magic, and boosts her saves from 30/33/30 to 32/35/32 against such spells as well. Any Divine caster that touches her (like literally any one of them trying to use a powerful Domain ability or touch spell) also risks becoming nauseated, leaving them open for her retaliatory Full-Attack, shutting off yet another common angle of attack.

One of the most resilient of all Demon Lords, Sifkesh has counters for almost every vector an average party can come up with, necessitating some extremely specific weapons, spells, and playstyles. Have you ever tried fighting an enemy you didn't want to critically strike? But do you want to know the most frustrating part about all of it? You might have to do it all twice, because once per day as an immediate action, Sifkesh can drop all her defenses against an incoming attack or spell, becoming flat-footed and losing her profane bonus to her AC. Her Spell Resistance drops to 0, and she automatically fails any saving throw she makes against that attack or spell.

As you may be able to guess, it's a trick. But it's one you have no choice but to walk into, because she can trigger this ritualistic Suicide as an immediate action against anything she has reason to believe may be able to kill her. If the attack DOES kill her, not only does she unleash an empowered version of her Despairing Cry (which stuns anyone who fails the save for 1d4 rounds), but one round later she's brought back to life at full health, making her the only Demon Lord that has to be killed three times in one year to make her death stick. Perhaps this is why, despite her behavior flaunting the very rules of reality and with her gleefully corrupting even the cults of other Demon Lords, she has yet to be ousted as the Lord of Heresy.

You can read more about her here.

[possiblylando]

So like the horsemen are fiends, right?

Tumblr is being a shitter with images right now so it'll get them scarce.

Yoru is the first horsemen we see actually take human form in the series. Yoru is absolutely a fiend or some kind of special freak but still within the range of a fiend (I'll talk about Yoru a bit later). This of course raised a question in my mind; Why are the horsemen humans? Well theres no good answer except them being fiends. We know fiends are only really identifiable by having weird traits on their heads. They don't even really have to be huge traits because we see with power it's just her eyes and horns. What do all the horsemen have? Weird eyes. We see in Yoru's bird from she has the same eyes as she does in human form. That's the fiend trait they all take, they're apart of the same 'group' so the idea that their fiend trait would overlap isn't that weird. Additionally Yoru still has the scar relating to how Asa died. It's possible the others have similar scars (or it only stuck on Yoru because it was on Asa's head so the fiend trait carried that over) This also supports one of the weirdest things from part 1.

Nayuta shows up rather quickly after Makima dies. Makima is probably only dead for a few days (maybe weeks) before Nayuta shows up. The control devil reincarnated into a human body in that time obviously. Yet Nayuta is like 6+ years old during the end of part 1. It may be morbid to say but the idea of a kid dying and being turned into a fiend isn't unlikely. Fami just randomly shows up yet she's able to stay in school, infact it doesn't seem like anyone knew she was the famine devil until Yoshida showed up to talk to her about it. Especially because nobody seems to be after he nor care about the fact their classmate is a fiend. A school girl being killed by a devil and then being fiend-ified continues to align with this.

Okay heres the Yoru part. This is a theory I've been conflicted on for a while, I've mentioned it in other posts but I'll talk about it here. Asa isn't real. Yoru is a fiend who constructed an alternate personality on instinct using the memories left in asa's corpse's brain. We know fiends have some level of connection to the body they're in since the violence fiend still had memories from it's past life. As the War Devil conflict is apart of Yoru's nature, so creating a personality to be at odds with herself aligns with that purpose. Additionally having that second personality allows Yoru to create stronger weapons because of the sentimentally strengthening that her weapons undergo. Fiends seem to lose some of their devil memories (its vague so they might not but evidence seems to support their devil memories being hazy) so it's possible the War Devil did it on purpose but then forgot she did it entirely.

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

HOUR IN

RANIBOW SPRIMKLE

for those of you who were not around last time: every so often obscure indie tatterpig Exalted releases the manuscript of their next splatbook as part of their kickstarter campaign, and i read through it and lose my nuts. now the manuscript for sidereals, fate-weaving celestial ninjas, is out. and i am going to lose my nuts. if you don't care about this , the tag to blacklist is #hour in rainbow

alright enough pussyfooting around. lets get to it

starting with the severe fuck shit sidereals pull:

excellency changes target numbers, they use prayer strips in their charms but they have them around unless they specifically dont, they deal with enemies of fate, they have

MAIDEN CHARMS which are basically bridge keyword done right. if you have say 3 charms of any Battles ability you will be able to purchase Mars charms like BATTLEFIELD GENIUS STYLE and ASCENDING BATTLES HOROSCOPE

sidereal charms are specific, they interact with the celestial bureaucracy but cant be stopped just by bureaucracying, theyre esoteric and funky with it. they include versatile charms in their combat abilities that can work with martial arts!

holy shit!!!

JOURNEYS

the ascending and descending horoscopes all have this fucking fantastic structure where you can grant a blessing or curse, but you have to have a constellation-themed interaction first. if you see someone feed a street animal you can invoke Stray Dog Gratitude to bless their travels, if you see them abandon something important you can invoke Forsaken Castaway Curse to curse the same

good worker spirit starts with "when the sidereal lies about where she's been" which is fucking primo, this is the translation of one of the old resplendencies that made it hard to catch you slacking off

mysterious traveler wisdom makes you both helpful to people youre traveling with and impenetrable when they try to figure out where the fuck you came from

predestined escort coincidence, which we are all fucking jazzed to see out of the drive charms from shards, lets you throw open the car door horse bridle and give someone a wordless look to tell them you're taking them where they need to go

RESISTANCE: THE MAST

oxbody only gives -0 hls, because it is vital that sidereals look completely unaffected and fine

the mast sways turns you into a fucking pinball puppet who takes knockback instead of allies

strength of the mast makes you stronger, especially if youre the strongest one in teh room

unbroken weave deflection clashes attacks with a disarm gambit because weapons just fucking bounce off?? holy shit

oh my god mast upholds all lets you provide support ie "looming behind someone" and they can use your sta+res successes instead of their own. that is unbelievably fucking funny. also people cant notice you doing this.

RIDE: THE MESSENGER

these charms are horny. there's nothing we can really do about it. setting that aside:

IRON HEART IRON HORSE isnt horny though. it just makes your mount fearless. we love to see it. it will become horny later.

breaking the wild mortal is horny though. sorry vance i'm powerless to deny it. you put a bridle on a guy to make them like you. at least they forget about it

FIELD MOUSE RIDER isnt horny. field mouse rider is really good. we were all so worried when we heard resplendencies were going away but here is FIELD MOUSE RIDER safe and sound

desirable maiden's bargain is fucking fantastic. you tell the world why you're doing something, fate gives it away to whoever needs that information but shows you a clue or surprise tool to help you later, using a flash of lightning or glint of dawn

print the phrase "acquaintance-improving dressage" and look me in the eyes. you can train mounts, including bridled mortals, with this

fiend-humbling horsemanship lets you turn an enemy of fate into a horse. yes this is bai longma yes it is... really thats it but now theyre a HORSE

i would be remiss not to mention RIDING THE DRAGON, which is yes dragon tf. at least it doesnt outright kill you anymore

SAIL: THE CAPTAIN

rarely is travel peaceful. salt-into-ash sleight lets you remind a water spirit that it left the oven on

yellow sky augury lets you get a weather forecast of evils, which is really fun

omen of mutiny lets you learn about threats to your authority at midnight or when you gamble, which is such fucking good food

implicit admiralty assumption makes everyone assume you're the superior of whoever's boss in the room. but your eye does shine when you use it, so better wear an eyepatch

disaster-accelerating expedience lets you learn about a disaster in the future and go, hmm. id like that now please. and just make terrible shit happen faster (but it is weakened)

and then dire squall forewarning lets you just introduce a disaster that will befall your ship. have fun!

SURVIVAL: THE SHIPS WHEEL

charms to make the landscape like you. charms for psychogeography.

poetic sacrifice insurance lets you fail something, buck up, and try again

holy shit entombed soul monument lets you pull an intimacy out and turn it into a natural feature

and then tomb-parole sanction lets you petrify your body and astral project into an animal or spirit

oh my god beloved world embrace lets you become buddies with an environmental hazard and move it around

THROWN: THE GULL

weapons wander around the battlefield, and so do you! ive always loved this scripture

oh my god shrike-roosting gesture lets you yoink anything to your hand if you've held it this scene. this is a specific image thats been in my head for like years and nows its a charm somehow???

pelican aloft departure is such a bitch name. i absolutely have to say it out loud as i knock someone across the room.

MAIDEN AND SHADOW FORM gives us a funny little preview: every fucking combat ability has its own form now. holy fuck. sidereals and their fucking kung fu. by the way this one surrounds you with thorns made from your shadow. kingdom hearts ass

hshjsj impromptu betrayal trick lets you knock a weapon frmo someone's hand straight into someone else's body

i haven't been talking much about charms from past editions but i cant not mention life gets worse approach. god i love life gets worse approach. great name great flavor you land a weapon in someone and it pulls further troubles and knives to them

HWKQJlGGJDF shining flock of adversities lets you turn that into a whirlwind of debris that attacking attacking attacking attacking. or i should say whirlwind of debris and small animals because you can fucking throw your familiar in there too

ooh, and frayed skein entanglement lets you grapple someone from afar by catching the thread of their fate

and now we come to the enlightenment charms, which absolutely made me go MOM holy fuck. the enlightenment charms let you use, say, thrown charms with an SMA, and learn SMA by mastering thrown instead of other martial arts

three-body trilemma is a BANGER name and a banger charm. when you throw a weapon it becomes a juggling act because you swap places with your target and just catch your weapon harmlessly.

flown beyond the world sends you to fucking final destination no items. jesus christ.

ahahahahaha shadow migration tactic lets you throw someones shadow at someone else

wandering axe foresight is so fucking funny. yes i threw a knife at your doorway three hours ago no i didnt tell anyone until now here it is surprise! i watched oceans twelve the other day and i think they should have given this to them

unrelenting torment is so fucking hilarious. you want to attack me so bad it makes you look stupid. btw golden axes torment. btw its fucking indefinite until you rip the prayer strip off

i absolutely have to stop there we'll pick up at serenities next time

[kootiepatra]

#FFxivWrite2023 Day 11 - Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Keimwyda's feelings here are a bit stronger than the prompt requires. But you can see why she'd be jumpy. Major spoilers for Endwalker patch 6.2.

The Warrior of Light had not once relinquished her grip on her bow since stepping through the artificial atomos. The Thirteenth was not exactly the sort of place where one should let down their guard. And besides, her weapon’s gentle glow felt like a lifeline in this oppressively dark place. Her heart whispered an unspoken prayer of thanks to Hydaelyn for it, even though She was no longer there to hear it. It comforted Keimwyda all the same.

It was not Keimwyda’s first time on this shard. It was, however, her first trip there since she truly understood what it was. Her acquired knowledge cast things in a much different light indeed. This was not just a realm of darkness inhabited by mindless monsters. Those fiends were once people. This world was once not so different from the one she called home.

And unlike her mission to drive back the Cloud of Darkness, with a known foe who had practically invited the clash, this time, she and her friends were directionless, searching for any clue of Azdaja’s fate. It brought them into contact with random fiends who had no inkling of their approach, and no marching orders to carry out. They simply identified the intruders as—well, intruders—but not only that: a rich meal. Her knowledge of their past personhood heightened her pity and her horror in equal amounts.

She could not but be grateful that the fighting had stopped, and the creatures who yet lingered were wise enough to leave her and her companions be. It would seem they had a tenuous truce. She couldn’t say she exactly felt any more comfortable under their looming gazes, though—most entities bearing far more, or occasionally fewer, eyes than she was strictly used to. Nor was it any less unsettling to speak to them, with the ones who retained the ability to communicate openly slavering for her aether.

So her hand stayed on her bow.

What scant clues the party had stumbled across took them through the twisting, disorienting halls of a castle whose structure and inhabitants alike had been warped by the overabundance of darkness, deformed by the activity and growth it induced in them. Vrtra, taking the lead through his simulacrum, had not yet sensed his sister’s presence. But who could say how his aetheric senses might be confused by this place? 

To that point, it was something of a miracle—not to mention a testament to her fortitude—that Y’shtola was able to function here. Keimwyda could only imagine how her vision must be swimming, crawling with aether that never came to rest. 

Estinien, who seemed for all the world to have been inured to whatever horrors the universe could throw at him, remained in a calm state of alert. Keimwyda was operating with a level head herself—she was quite good at mustering resolve under pressure. But she did not doubt that she would get plenty of shuddering done upon safely returning to the Source.

Further inquiries among the locals set the party on the trail of an unusually intelligent voidsent. And here, it would seem, intelligence correlated with tastiness. Keimwyda grimaced—both for the voidsent’s sake, and for that of her mission. She hoped this wouldn’t be another dead end. She also hoped that a smart voidsent might nonetheless agree to cooperate with them. It may not be as easily cowed as the others.

When they approached the dungeon cell to which they had been directed, they noted with dismay that the door already stood open. Perhaps the voidsent had escaped? Or perhaps it had already been taken away for consumption. 

“We may be too late,” said Y’shtola, grimly.

“Let us not jump to conclusions,” Varshahn replied. “But do be on your guard.”

They gingerly pushed through the door and into a cell so dark that Keimwyda could barely see. She held her bow up to lend its glow, faint though it was. Varshahn stepped forward, shield raised defensively, blade at the ready. Keimwyda and Y’shtola followed, the latter casting her gaze around and above them to try and spot any aetheric signatures lurking in the shadows. Estinien brought up the rear, lance drawn, ready to strike down any stray predators foolish enough to follow them in.

It did not take but a step past the threshold to spot the voidsent hovering in the corner. It was too dark to see it clearly, but its black, tattered robes billowed in a nonexistent breeze, and red, smoky tendrils of aether emanated from it in a restless swirl. It turned to face them, and began drifting towards them. Its intent was impossible to infer, but at least it did not brazenly radiate malice.

As it neared, Keimwyda felt its stare upon her before she could even begin to make out its features.

“You…” its garbled voice rasped.

And then she saw it for what it was.

It was vaguely shaped like a person. In its hand was a reaper’s sickle. Above its head, a dark halo lazily spun in place. Hands that seemed to sprout from where its ears should be were clasped over its pale face, obscuring its eyes.

Keimwyda’s eyes went wide and her stomach dropped. She took a step back, but Estinien braced a hand on her shoulder to prevent her from falling… or perhaps from fleeing. She had seen this voidsent before—seen it erupting from her own body when Zenos had it in his possession, seen it diving in a deadly spiral towards G’raha and Alisaie, seen it coming for her throat at creation’s edge.

If the voidsent detected her distress, it gave no sign of it. “You are… the friend?” it asked.

It took a moment for Keimwyda to find any words of response. A terrified anger rippled through her. She recognized from whom it had learned that term. She felt it was all she could do to breathe. 

“But Zenos is dead,” she whispered hoarsely, in lieu of a sensible reply.

Varshahn stared at her, not understanding, but Y’shtola and Estinien suddenly registered recognition. They angled their weapons at the creature, Estinien stepping in front of Keimwyda as he did.

“This is the voidsent who was bound to him,” Y’shtola confirmed. “I see it now. The bottomless darkness. The insatiable hunger. When Zenos died, its connection to the Source would have been severed. It must have been forced to return to the void.”

“Zenos…” the voidsent mused distantly, without obvious aggression or regret. “Yes, that was his name. And you are the friend, are you not?”

“I…” Keimwyda stammered, unable to answer. The others stood by, waiting for either party to make a move.

No one knew what to do when Hydaelyn’s crystal began gleaming at the Warrior of Light’s side.

As its light intensified, the red smoke around the voidsent shattered and dissipated. The creature itself showed no reaction. But then the crystal sent forth a concentrated glow that would undoubtedly be blinding in any circumstances, but was absolutely searing in here. When the party could once again bear to open their eyes, it—or rather, she, as it seemed—had been utterly transformed.

Where once hovered a mass of rags and limbs and tormented red aether, now stood a woman who looked—almost normal? Unusually pale, to be sure, but otherwise perfectly Hyuran in appearance, clothed in tailored black leather armor with a hat pulled low over her eyes. Keimwyda could not but notice that she still had that scythe.

The woman looked down at herself, jaw slack, but in far less of a state than Keimwyda would have guessed she should be. “But how…” she asked of herself, perplexed. Then she realized. “The light just now… Of course. And thus, I am returned…”

“What do you mean, ‘returned’?” Varshahn asked, not lowering his guard. “Who are you?”

“I was bound to the man called Zenos. His avatar—until you killed him.” She spoke the final words directly to Keimwyda with an utterly stoic dispassion, sounding neither sorrowful nor relieved about his demise.

Keimwyda found herself exhaling a small grateful breath that—as far as his avatar could tell, anyway—Zenos was still genuinely dead.

Y’shtola’s voice was a mixture of rebuke and curiosity. “He was a madman, bent on a hunt that cost the lives of countless innocent souls. Why would you partake in a covenant with him?” she demanded.

For the first time, some sort of emotion glimmered in the voidsent’s face—a spark of indignation, if Keimwyda read it right. “Covenant?” she said incredulously. “A curse, more like. He stole my power. There was no equity in the arrangement. My very essence was altered. Twisted into a tool to serve his desires.”

Keimwdya had never made room in her mind for the possibility that Zenos’ avatar could be anything other than a monster, just as glib about shedding blood as its master was. Voidsent devour. Voidsent care nothing for equity. They simply consume and destroy.

But if this one wasn’t…?

If she had been dragged into the undertow of Zenos’ self-serving obsession, just as unwillingly as Keimwyda was…?

This was rather a lot to take in.

Keimwdya was too gobsmacked to panic anymore. She was once more in control of her emotions, and began regulating herself with deep breaths. She stood silently, listening, thinking.

Varshahn lowered his weapons, clearly beginning to shift from defense to diplomacy. “Your previous appearance…” he asked the woman carefully. “This is your true form, then?”

“Perhaps. Perhaps not,” she replied. “What does it matter?”

Varshahn looked as if he did not expect that answer.

Estinien did not look fazed by it. “Indeed, it does not,” he stated simply. “Regardless of your form, you are a voidsent by nature. So answer me this: are you our enemy too?”

She answered him just as directly, but far more mildly. “In this world, only a fool would attempt to devour a stronger being.” She turned her attention to Keimwyda once more. “And though it was as an avatar, I lost to you once. I have no desire to lose again.”

Keimwyda only felt somewhat reassured by that.

“Good enough for me,” Estinien replied, holstering his lance.

Ever the pragmatist, Keimwyda thought to herself. She was not sure whether or not she was grateful for it at this particular moment.

The woman did not acknowledge Estinien’s remark, or even look back to him as he spoke. Her eyes remained fixed on the Warrior of Light. “Now. You will answer me a question. Zenos called you ‘friend’.”

Keimwyda’s stomach churned again at the insinuation. Zenos sure did call her that. Often, and against all evidence to the contrary. It was one of the things that haunted her about him, one of the things that still made her ill to remember.

She hated Zenos—hated him like she had never hated anyone before, in a way that she had been unable to move past, even though moons had elapsed since his death. She had killed him—or tried to—more than once. She had shunned him. She had directly refused him. And still he clung to his fantasy of who she “really” was and what she “really” wanted. Still he invented his own reality where they were alike and where she wanted to have anything to do with him. He had literally stalked her to the ends of creation. He had murdered multitudes in his obsession. She could never forgive him for anything he had done. She could not even begin to comprehend most of it.

And with his dying breaths, as he very nearly denied her the chance to ever see her loved ones again, he had the audacity to call her his “friend”. His “mirror”. Now he was long gone, but here was his avatar, asking her if it was true. She felt she could vomit.

Once again, the voidsent gave no indication of sensing Keimwyda’s discomfort. “...That’s what you are?” she asked, pressing the question. “A friend?”

All eyes fell on Keimwyda as she struggled for an answer. She could not forgive him. She did not know if she could forgive this person who had been complicit in his sins.

But the woman had not so much as narrowed her eyes at her. There was no venom in her words, nor any thrill. And her opinion of her former master seemed anything but flattering. If she’d truly had no choice…

At last, the Warrior of Light spoke, her eyes hard, her voice low and serious. “I am not a friend to Zenos. I never was. …Time will only tell if I may yet be one to you.”

[thefirstknife]

minor season of the haunted spoiler (kinda its a weapon flavor text) BUT I AM LOSING MY MIND

.

.

.

WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!

If Nezarec ends up being an actual character I'm going to lose it!!!!!!!

(especially cause his helm implied he was on the side of the Gardener)

I don't think Nezarec was on the side of the Gardener. His only lore tab is very much not the Gardener vibe. Another problem is that the lore comes from a "pre-Golden Age text." As in, someone (presumably human?) wrote this before the Traveler arrived to Sol (or it's possibly not human in origin: the helmet looks strangely similar to Psion helmets).

An interesting idea I had when the trailer dropped was that Nezarec popped into my mind when the season was describing stuff about how we're embracing the goth lifestyle and becoming reapers and death. I just had this wild association with Nezarec but didn't say anything because it felt so unhinged even to me.

Basically, a few sentences from Nezarec's Sin were just standing out: "He is that which is end." (Eris saying "this is the beginning of the end" in the trailer), "For Nezarec is no demon, but a fiend, arch and vile in ways unknown." (weird death-like symbology).

And then today I saw this weapon with this name. BAFFLED. Nezarec's Whisper lore tab doesn't clarify much however. It's not on Ishtar yet, but here's the thing (under the cut for easier spoiler evasion and length):

?? Very confused. Is the flavour text about Rhulk talking to Nezarec or to Eris? Who is Eris talking to? It says that she "whispers" and the weapon is called Nezarec's Whisper. But the glaive is specifically Rhulk's weapon so it being offered to Eris in the (assumed) Pyramid chamber is strange. Where does Nezarec come into play here?

Was (is?) Nezarec also one of the Disciples? One that Rhulk didn't fail with? Or something completely different?

Another thing that bothers me is the "yawning opening that empties into perpetual nothingness" that Eris sees. The rest of her surroundings look like the regular Pyramid interior (that we know of) but the open abyss?

Drifter might know a thing or two, given that he's allegedly visited the Fourth Tomb of Nezarec, but he is notorious for not wanting to share details. But the mention of a tomb (a fourth one no less) makes me think it's possible that Nezarec is some ancient being similar to Rhulk.

There's one other possible mention of Nezarec, though not spelled the same. It's from D1 when the Awoken are experimenting on Sylok.

Finally. Let’s see what we’ve… wh— what is that? …Blllessssseeddd is the N-Nastareth!!!

There's a thing that connects the two other than the similar name (the difference could be due to Sylok being a Hive and therefore possibly saying it differently): it's the mention of pain. From Nezarec's Sin:

The final god of pain

From Sylok's rambling:

>Give him a jolt. ...Gragggghhhhhhh!!!! >That did the trick. >>Is he ... is he happy? ...Gragghh ...g-ggglorious pain!!!

And:

...The greater than anguish, the greater the reward... ...I know you. See your thoughts. I will use the pain. Reach in... ...Give me the pain. Take away all but agony. Through it, I transcend.

Destiny 2: Become Unhinged.

Ironically, Eris mentions how the veiled statue in the Pyramid is "vaguely feminine" but that she isn't convinced by its "apophenian silhouette." Apophenia is "the tendency to perceive meaningful connections between unrelated things." Like I'm possibly doing now with Nezarec lore.

Yes, I am absolutely obsessed with Nezarec lore and any lore that has like 2 mentions, that is my curse. So I understand you going insane over the name of the glaive because mood. Especially since it was on my mind when the trailer dropped and I thought it was so bizarre that I didn't even mention it. Alas.

Either Bungie is trolling us or there's more about this to come. I will lose my entire shit if we get more Nezarec lore, it's my second most wanted and interesting lore after the Aphelion.

[clockworkstarlight]

gets evil Tell me about quadrate. Freakass

HI FIEND!! IM GOING TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!

as always, the basics: quadrate / qd is the dice freaks distraction guy, hes basically so annoying sometimes that its enough to distract the enemy for the other ones to attack. but his "annoying" part is just his heart full of whimsy that no one can handle enough, basically that man is so silly he works as a perfect distraction method. think of him like spongebob hes just happy to be there.

now for facts!

- quadrates little missing tooth actually was a result of someone (definitely not dieci nor dodeca) getting tired of his nature, so much that they decided to fucking knock one of his teeth out

- he's die's leprechaun equivalent of a weird cousin, so much that die dosent even want qd near him because his happy nature that creeps him out. quadrate knows about this but decides to ignore it because annoying your creepy cousin is awesome

- him, dieci and dodeca are basically the dice freaks' triple trouble, they mostly attack together and dodeca balances out quadrate's whimsy and dieci's narcissism by being the one who plans out everything and being the only smart one between them, even if dieci and quadrate annoy the shit outta him.

- his weapon? lady dee thinks he's "too good for a weapon", i mean, he's the distractions guy! but after the knocked out teeth incident dee gave him a dice that doubles into a taser so not even his teammates nor his enemies can come beat him up.

- him and octavio are total romantic rivals over clover's charms but quadrate himself is COMPLETELY oblivious about it. he just thinks the shoe tapping and dancing is friendly more than anything (well, he still sees it as romantic he just thinks it has a more platonic side to it at the same time) but his silly smile makes him more smug than anything else to octavio, so this rivalry is just super one sided. dieci is also in the charm drama but shes mostly just a side fling in the whole thing. also! both octavio and qd are almost in the same charms for clover which makes octavio pissed.

- sometimes he helps lady dee with stuff around in her fashion shops despite being the one responsible for the paint shops around the city, she tells him she dosent need it but he'll do it anyways in his free time.

- also as mentioned in the past fact, yes quadrate is the one who runs the paint shop businesses of the dice freaks, yet he's not really considered a leader by any of them. after all, they already have lady dee!

not much to say bout him, but i think this is good!

[nacaharachuya]

I get everyones talking about hnk au and svs etc etc but when you mentioned csm au my skin melted, my eyes popped right outta their sockets, i think i saw heaven and hell at the same time. With all my heart i love the idea of a csm au.

I sometimes think about a csm au.. like would chuuya be a fiend or a hybrid? And how powerful would he even be? The tricky thing is is that i can’t imagine there are many people who are afraid of gravity so i’m not sure if he even would be powerful in the first place no matter how op his ability is in bsd. ☹️

But then again i do remember you talking about it on twitter saying he could be the corruption devil and that got me thinking 👀👀 i feel like he’d be a hybrid but the thing about them is that they always have something on their head when they transform into their devil form i guess you could say (like how denji has a chainsaw for a head, reze has a bomb etc..) but what would be the distinguishing feature for chuuya?

(Also the whole dog theme… that fits chuuya pretty well.)

YESSSS IVE BEEEN WANTING SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS !!! See I was struggling with the same dilemma cause I was like “WHAT THE FUCK would he BE?” Chuuya strikes me as someone who hates devils okay, like full on disgust and hatred and doesn’t want anything to do with them until he gets caught up with one. In one au, I imagine him to be a devil hunter already who comes into contact with the devil and has to make a pact or he’ll die so he becomes a fiend which he regrets until something pivotal happens. Chuuya believes in justice and he can hold a grudge, so I can see him doing it against himself as well….

As for the other route it could be similar to denji. My own hc of poor kid Chuuya who knows so little because of the world being upturned by devils would fit so well. Only in this one I imagined that instead of pochita, it would be Dazai he is companions with (and Dazai is a devil to me okay T_T he reminds me a lot a LOT of makima. I mean he’s very controlling whether it is just contingency or flat out manipulation) but Dazai I has essentially lost his memories as the control devil and been reborn into earth and finds Chuuya and they are friends until…Chuuya gets turned into a fiend. Idk what happens next but ya…

BUT I KNOW I was so conflicted about the fiend/hybrid of Chuuya. Cause If you look at the weapon fiends their heads change but like violence fiend and the others keep a normal body? 😿 someone help a brother out

[adorablele]

@riothae ♡ to my darling table leg 💞 this is to push the doyoung dream boy agenda. and also i’m sorry for not releasing this on your birthday, please accept this belated birthday gift.

☍ pairing; kim doyoung x reader ☍ genre; fluff, romance, a little bit of angst but mostly fluffy // apocalypse!au, zombie apocalypse!au, strangers to lovers!au, soulmate!au, parallel world!au ☍ word count; 4, 210  ☍ summary; you have your very own dream boy, a literal man of your dreams and he goes by the name of Kim Doyoung ☍ a/n;  don’t be fooled by the beginning, 99.9% of this is just dialogue. also I tried my very best to avoid using the word zombies to describe the people who were affected by the virus because...yeah it has something to do with the characters mindset but i didn’t get to explore that because I wanted to focus on the romance lmao ANYWAYS PLEASE ENJOY AND FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED since this is my first ever apocalypse!au and longest fic (in general and for doyoung)

trigger warning(s); mentions of weapons, use of weapons (doyoung uses a machete, mc also uses a weapon to kill the zombies), mention of blood 

This has got to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. 

“Hey!” you screamed, banging together two pots. 

The growling behind you started to multiply. 

You smirked, continuing to clash up more noise, “C’mere!” 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw two rotted figures make their way towards you. The adrenaline in your veins pushed your legs to move faster. You heard the growling behind you grow louder, more shuffling of feet syncopated between your own. Out of either confidence or pure insanity―quite possibly both―you turned around to admire the hoard of creatures that you managed to gather.   

Disgust swirled in your stomach. They were ugly with skin so pale that you could see the infected black veins running through their body. They snapped at you with rotted teeth, blistered lips and blood-shot eyes. 

You laughed. “You’re so slow.”

Those vicious, viscera eating monsters didn’t seem to like your taunt. With inhumane twists of their bodies, they started to sprint towards you. This was, without a doubt, the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Still, you shouted at them and banged your pots. Your pace was already outmatched by theirs, but it didn’t help that you were walking backwards. 

“Just a little closer, I know you can do it!” you cheered. 

By now, more monsters have noticed the ruckus that you’ve caused and they decided they wanted to join in on the fun. That’s when you decided to continue running. You could hear their growls growing closer and closer. For a split second, there was a single drop of fear that touched your spine, or rather, a finger. Acting on instinct, you slammed the pan into the head of the intruder. 

You were done for. They were catching up to you. 

And yet, you kept running, faster than you’ve ever ran. Despite the fact that any one of the, probably, hundreds of virus-infected bodies were one step away from tearing you limb from limb, you laughed. 

This was it. This was the end. 

This was where you die.

The maniacal smirk on your face never ceased. You didn’t know how long you’d be able to run for, but you kept going. At least, you tried to until you were suddenly slammed by a body quite larger than your own. The wind was knocked out of your lungs, the buildings behind you a blur until you were pulled into an abandoned convenience store. 

“Are you insane?” the stranger scowled. 

One second, two, three before you gathered up your wits. 

“Let go of me,” you shouted, pushing off the stranger, “and yeah, I am.”

You aimed your gun at the stranger who held his arms up in surrender. 

“A thank you would be nice,” he frowned. 

The tall man was dressed in tattered jeans and a fitted black t-shirt. Around his wrists were newspapers bound by masking tape. He was covered in blood, dirt and grime; chapped lips and sharp eyes; black hair nestled messily on top of his head. Aside from all the cuts and bruises, you would deem him handsome. Although, that’s not of importance right now. 

“What would I be thanking you for?” 

“For saving you,” he replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I didn’t need saving.”

He scoffed, “You were about to die.” 

“I’m already dead,” you muttered, “we all are.”

The stranger raised his brows, “Is that so?”

“There’s nothing to live for,” you replied.

He stared you in the eyes. “Then go back out there. Go say hello to your fanclub.”

A brief staredown occurred, his gaze challenging your own. Both of you knew that you wouldn’t walk back out there. At that moment, you wanted to see how close you could get to Death, but when it really came down to it, you didn’t want to die, not to those things anyways, and―as much as you’d like to say otherwise―most definitely not now.  You were on the brink of insanity, yes, but you weren’t completely diving in head first. You also knew that deep-down, you’re relieved that he saved you. 

And he knew that too. 

“Don’t move!” you shouted when he started to lower his arms.

He paused and looked over to the counter, “I’m just reaching for the candy.”

You eyed the counter where a bag of food laid and followed his movements closely as he reached for the opened bag of gummy bears on the counter.

“You’re human, just like me. We’re not like those...beasts out there, but if you really want to become like them, then go ahead.” He reached for the backpack lying on the floor by the counter and slung it over his back, “I already tried saving you once, though your actions aren’t in my controls.” 

He opened the back door of the grocery store and left. 

Your shoulders finally relaxed. You lowered your gun, then glanced out the window at the horde of monsters that roamed around aimlessly looking for the meal that had escaped them. Those soulless creatures were easy to read, easy to know what their intentions were. You turned back to the door where the stranger walked through. Who knows what his intentions were?

Yet, you decided to follow him.

For a block or two you followed him, watching as he slashed through the creatures with his machete. Occasionally, you too, killed the monsters that made their way towards you. Eventually, he entered a building and climbed all the way to the roof. 

You found him sitting at the edge, feet dangling as he stared ahead. His weapon lay next to him and his previous bag of opened gummy bears sat in his hand. You joined him by the edge, and this might be even stupider than attracting a mob of bloodthirsty fiends. 

Rather than shoving you off, he offered you some gummy bears which you accepted. He didn’t turn to look at you once. In silence, the two of you observed the abandoned city in front of you. Rubbled buildings weakly stood, streets filled with crashed cars, various monsters (who were once human) lingered on the sidewalks. The prettiest of all the ruins was the sky. A toxic mix of orange hues. Shapes of clouds filled the sky, providing no rain and no shade. The Sun was half over the horizon. It sent out constant waves of warmth. 

“I’m Doyoung,” he whispered, as if it were sacred to share his name. He turned to you, eyes vulnerable, a soft brown like the fresh soil used to plant a flower, “Kim Doyoung.”

You gasped out your name as you woke up. 

You sat up in your bed, dazed from the dream. Or, was it a dream? Panic slowly tickled your spine and you immediately turned on the news, phone dialing with numbers of your loved ones. 

After constant reassurances from your friends and family, you slumped on the couch. It was all just a dream. It was just a dream! You shook your head and went to wash your face in the bathroom. It was just a dream. A dream that you vividly remember. 

A dream with Kim Doyoung.

-

For the next few months―each month―you had one overly vivid dream that included Kim Doyoung and the apocalyptic, orange skied world. It mostly consisted of the two of you running around in empty fields, abandoned cities and hacking away at monsters. In many ways, it was you and Doyoung against the world. 

“Any updates on dream boy?” Kara, your best friend, smiled, sitting at the bar-counter of the diner you worked at. 

You placed her usual order of coffee in front of her. “You’re still calling him that?”

“Well, isn’t he?” she shrugged.

“Yeah…”

She smiled, “Any updates?”

Your heart thumped slightly at the question, the memory of the dream you had this morning resurfacing. 

The squelch of flesh echoed against the walls of the room as you and Doyoung explored the bakery. 

“Believe it or not, I was a baker,” he shared, slashing at a crazed waitress

“A baker?” you asked, raising your brows, quickly opening the door to the kitchen area. Running towards you was a murderous customer who, you assumed, didn’t receive the food they wanted. After taking care of the virused creature, you frowned at the disemboweled chef on the floor, “Should we bake in this kitchen?” 

“Do you want to?”

“Not with this on the floor,” you mumbled with a pout, “I thought we finally found a place!”

He shrugged, “Let’s just move the body.”

Together, the two of you, while trying not to gag, dragged away all the dead bodies in the kitchen and tossed them out. After another check around the bakery, the two of you barricaded the windows and doors, also checking through them to make sure no more rotted mouths were running towards you. 

Once all safety precautions were taken care of, Doyoung took out a container of sanitary wipes.

You snorted, “Are you really going to clean?”

“I told you, I was a baker, and in order to cook or bake, you need a clean area.”

You didn’t say anything, only smiling in amusement as he started to wipe the counter. 

“Aren’t you going to help me?” he asked.

Your smile turned upside down as you saw the dusty counter, bloodied floors and molded dishes. “Do I have to?” 

Doyoung threw the container of sanitary wipes at you. You caught it with a grumble. After a good three hours, the kitchen was finally clean enough for Doyoung’s standards. 

“I can’t believe you wanted to clean on your birthday. We could’ve just grabbed one of the pastries or gotten a cake from another place,” you sighed. 

“Well, if we did that, then you wouldn’t make me a cake.”

“Aren’t you the baker?” You countered. 

“Yep!” he leaned against the counter, “but you’re the one who promised to make me a cake.”

“Fine,” you grumbled, dragging your feet as you made your way over to the pantry. 

Somehow, you managed to follow the recipe that you tore from a cookbook and not burn down the entire building. You grabbed the cake from the counter, “Let’s hope you enjoy this, Mr. I’m-a-baker-so-I’m-going-to-give-your-novice-attempt-at-a-cake-a-rating-out-of-ten.” 

“Just an FYI, I had my own bakery,” he proudly added.

“Showing off now, I see,” you chuckled, placing a one tier cake with a very messily and unnecessarily large ‘Happy Birthday Doyou’ written on it. “I ran out of space for your name,” you explained as you added a candle, “but it’s the thought that counts, right?”

“2 points off,” Doyoung called out, “didn’t complete your decorations, y/n? Not good.”

“No mercy, huh?” you tsked, lighting up the candle, “not even one point for the effort?”

He shrugged. 

“Guess I’ll just have to impress you with my singing skills,” you sighed. 

Doyoung watched with amused eyes, “You can try.”

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Arden- ” 

“Minus another two points.” 

Your jaw dropped, “What, I totally was hitting that high note!”

Doyoung shook his head, “First off, no. Secondly, who even is Arden.”

“Don’t know, maybe it was a classmate of mine whose birthday just happens to be today,” you shrugged. 

He raised a brow.

”Look, I just wanted to say a random name other than yours.” 

“Another point off.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Insulting the judge,” he shook his head, holding back a smile, “another point.”

“Doyoung!” you whined.

He laughed, “Okay, okay. I’ll give back two points if it tastes good.”

“Four if it blows you away,” you bargained.

“Deal.” 

Although you watched with a confident smile, your heart pumped nervously in your chest. You weren’t the best cook, nor baker, so you knew that there was a chance that the cake wouldn’t taste that good. And you were right. 

Doyoung’s face twisted into a sour expression. 

“It’s…”

“Just say it,” you sighed, “don’t hold back.”

“Horrible.”

You sighed and sat down next to him. You took a piece of the cake to taste. Upon the abomination you called a cake landed on your tastebuds, you realized that you deserved a final rating of -54325/10. 

“This tastes like…very salty sand,” you gagged, “did I forget the sugar or something?”

Doyoung got up from his seat and analyzed your ingredients. “My love, I think you did.” He then placed the bag of what you thought was sugar in front of you. 

“It’s salt?!”

Needless to say, Doyoung saved his own birthday cake by making one himself. You insisted that you should help which, reflecting back on it, you weren’t sure was a good idea or not. Multiple times, you got distracted by the way the dim lights of the kitchen seemed to highlight his face, or the way it felt too comfortable with his hand over yours when he would teach you how to do something. It left your stomach flipping, palms a little sweaty, and your heart ready to burst out of your chest. 

“And it’s done!” he smiled, finding the last flower decoration on the cake. 

It was clear who decorated what. 

All the orderly placed strawberries, raspberries and blackberries, along with the prettily swirled flowers and legible font were obviously Doyoung’s expertise whereas the little random patches of unevenly placed blueberries and poorly attempted flowers that ended up looking like dots were your humbly added touches. 

“Wait, I want to add one last thing,” you told him.

You took the piping bag full of royal icing from him and started to shakily draw on the corner of the cake. 

“Is that...a bunny?”

You bit the inside of your cheek as you concentrated, “Yep.”

“Why a bunny?”

“You look like a bunny when you smile,” you nonchalantly confessed.

Doyoung didn’t say anything.

“Alright!” you smiled, proud of the animal that you drew. You turned to Doyoung who you were surprised to see already looking at you. “Doyoung?”

He looked towards the cake and cleared his throat, “You uhm, you ready to sing?”

“I thought we were just going to eat it?” 

“Oh…”

“Well, I mean, unless you want to hear my amazing vocal-”

“Let’s just eat,” he grimaced.

You laughed, taking a knife and slicing a piece. You offered for him to take the first bite. 

“No, no, you taste it.”

“You’re the birthday boy,” you countered.

“And as the birthday boy, I want you to take the first bite.”

You frowned, “Pulled that one on me, huh?”

He only gave you the bunny smile that made your knees weak. 

“Fine,” you grumbled, taking a bite of the cake. It tasted a thousand times better than the cake that you made. “Oh my- This is really good! You need to try it.”

You didn’t get a chance to fully give Doyoung a piece of cake because he gently cupped your jaw, turning your chin to face him. 

“I think I’ll try it now.”

Before you could respond, he kissed you. It was quick, unexpected on both sides of the party. That didn’t stop him from kissing you a second time though. This time, it was less hesitant and a little longer. He pulled away, yet again. 

The two of you took time staring into each other’s eyes. His thumb rubbed against your cheek. 

“You’re absolutely breath-taking,” he confessed.

You smiled, “Doyoung…”

“Completely stunning,” he whispered, leaning closer. 

Your eyes started fluttering close as you muttered his name.

“Yeah?” 

“Kiss me.”

Kara’s smile widened, her eyes glinting with mischief, “Oooo someone did have a dream.”

Your face felt hot. 

“Someone had a dream?” Felix asked curiously. He took the seat next to Kara and placed a plate full of waffles in between the three of you. 

Kara stuffed a piece in her mouth, “Dream boy strikesh ahjain.”

“What?” you mused.

She swallowed her food. “I said, dream boy strikes again,” Kara smiled, “perhaps, a little something happened?”

“Maybe a little something.”

“Like…” Felix trailed off. 

“Like… a kiss.” 

“You kissed him?!” your friends both exclaimed. 

Luckily, at the early hour of 6 in the morning, the diner was always empty except for the three of you. You rolled your eyes. “So what, we kissed,” you shrugged, “it’s just a dream.”

“Y/N,” Felix sighed in an exasperated tone, “it’s not just any dream-”

“It’s a dream with your dream boy!” Kara finished. 

“He could be your soulmate!” Felix gasped, “What if he’s having dreams like this too!”

“C’mon,” you gave your best friend a look of disbelief, “he’s not even real.”

“You don’t know that,” Kara told you, “there are people out there named Kim Doyoung.”

Felix tilted his head and rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “You know, his name does sound pretty familiar.”  

You shook your head, “You guys are crazy.”

They continued to converse about people named Doyoung and possible suitors for you which you ignored and, instead, focused on continuing to wipe down the counter. The door to the diner then jingled as a customer stepped in. 

“Welcome in!” you greeted, still not looking up from the counter. Not hearing a response from the customer, you looked up. The rag in your hand dropped onto the counter. At your reaction, your friends stopped talking. 

Doyoung.

The man dressed in all black that stood at the door, smiled slightly, “Hello.” 

You felt the eyes of your friends. 

Clearing your throat, you nodded, “Oh uh, hi. Sit where you want.”

He nodded before making his way towards a corner table. 

“Looks like someone likes-” Kara started, but you interrupted her. 

“It’s him,” you told them quietly. 

“He’s the man of your-” they both exclaimed.

“Shut up!” you hissed before they could finish their sentence. 

They both glanced over at the man looking out the window before turning back to you with wide grins.

“He’s the man of your dreams?” they both asked excitedly.

“You two are unbelievable,” you mumbled, taking a menu and walking over to the man.

“Here’s your menu. My name is y/n, I’ll be serving you today. Just let me know when you’re ready to order,” you smiled. 

When Doyoung, or the man that looked like Doyoung, heard your name, you could’ve sworn that his eyes widened slightly, but you shook off the thought and left when he mutely nodded his head at you. 

“It’s dream boy,” Kara immediately said once you returned back to the counter. 

You shook your head in disbelief, looking over at him before back to Kara. “No.”

“What do you mean no?” Felix quietly whispered.

“Just because it looks like him doesn’t mean it is him! He’s just a dream,” you nodded over at Doyoung, “that guy, he’s real.”

While you bickered quietly with your friends, Doyoung spared another glance your way. It was odd seeing you in normal clothing, ones that weren’t tattered or bloodied. You weren’t holding your usual weapon, and you most definitely weren’t bashing heads. Though, he couldn’t help but admire you in the same way he had in his dreams. 

“Completely stunning,” he mumbled. 

When you dropped the rag, he was sure that you recognized him; recognized him as the Kim Doyoung from NCT. When your friends kept whispering and looking back at him, he knew that, not only you, but also your friends knew who he was. Doyoung turned back to the menu.

He doubted you knew had the same dreams as him. He did feel a bit awkward considering the fact that he dreamt of kissing you without knowing that you were an actual person. Maybe he should leave? After all, he was hoping to come to this diner because it was relatively empty, and he just hoped that the people in here wouldn’t know him. 

He glanced once more over to the counter where your friends quickly turned their gaze away from him. 

“Guys, he’s looking over here,” you muttered, “you’re making him feel uncomfortable.”

“You’re right,” Felix mumbled, “we can’t destroy your chances at dating dream boy.”

Kara nodded, “Yes, we’ll leave.”

“What?” you exclaimed, a bit louder than intended. Lowering your voice, you sent a panicked glance at your friends who were packing up, “Where are you going?”

“Well, I have to go to work now,” Kara sighed loudly, slinging her bag over her shoulder, “I’m going to get going.”

Felix followed Kara’s lead and stood up, “Yeah, I have to go walk my cat.”

Before you could process that Felix doesn’t have a cat, they were out the door, leaving you alone, in the diner, at approximately 6:37 AM with a boy that―just this morning―you dreamt of kissing. Your face felt heated again. 

Shaking your head, you looked over at Doyoung who was analyzing the menu. 

For the first time, you could clearly see him. His hair matched the color of his black long-sleeve turtleneck that was tucked into some black jeans. No blood, no dirt, no machete, just him. Just him and the highlight of the Sun on his cheeks. That reminded you of the dream you had and you shook away the daze, turning your attention to the very interesting tile of the counter that looked like it needed some serious scrubbing (not really). 

“I’m ready to order,” Doyoung softly called out. 

You quickly walked over to him, jotted down his order, then ran away to hide in the kitchen. Your body worked on auto-pilot as you prepared his meal. With his drink and food in hand, you started to walk back towards his table. Doyoung was staring out the window and he was humming. 

As you got closer, you realized that you knew that song. 

“Do you remember what the stars looked like?”

In the middle of an empty grass field, you laid with Doyoung. Your head was rested on his chest, and you felt his voice vibrate throughout his chest. 

“Yeah,” you told him, “they look like your eyes.”

You could feel Doyoung roll his eyes, “I’m serious.”

“So am I!”

He chuckled and brushed his fingers through your hair. “Did you ever stare at the stars and see everything you wanted? Did you ever see your ambitions? Your achievements?”

“Getting deep here, aren’t we?”

Doyoung sat up, “Have you?”

You stared at him for a moment before turning to the endless orange sky. The Sun never seemed to move from its place over the horizon. 

“Yeah, I have.”

A pause of silence. 

“When I looked up at the stars, I saw my future. I saw the plans I had, the answers to my problems, I saw hope. However...” you smiled sadly at the orange hues, “they all went up in flames.”

Doyoung placed his hand on yours. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get that deep,” you crookedly smiled, but Doyoung only pulled you into a hug. And the two of you stayed like that for a while. 

“What did you see?” you asked when the two of you were back to laying on the floor. 

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“Me on stage, singing.”

“Singing?”

He sighed, “Yep. It was nothing more than a hobby, but my grandmother would tell me that I was a singer in some other life. She told me that if I looked at the stars, they would show me.” 

You chuckled, “Kim Doyoung, a singer.”

“I’m sharing a heart-touching story and you’re laughing.”

“Sorry,” you gave his knuckle a kiss, “it’s my coping mechanism.”

He intertwined his hand with yours, “I’m just kidding, but is seeing me as a singer that funny?”

You shrugged, “A bit hard to believe.”

“Really?” he asked, sitting up, untangling your hands.

“A little,” you admitted. 

He stood up and lent you a hand. “C’mon.”

“Where are we going?” you asked, taking his offer. 

The two of you were back to traversing through empty fields and abandoned streets (fighting zombies along the way) until you stopped in front of a music store. Ripped posters hung from the window, a broken open sign dangled from the door, and a few savage creatures were lingering inside. Using the power of teamwork, you and Doyoung were finally able to do what you pleased.

“So why’d you bring me here?”

He sat a keyboard, “I’m going to play for you.”

“Doyoung, that’s going to attract a lot of noise,” you peeked through the boarded windows, “is this really a good idea?”

“Aren’t you five kills behind me?” Doyoung asked.

The competitive side of you perked at the mention of your kill counter. You were reminded of the little daily game that you and Doyoung decided to play. It was simply just to see who could kill the most virus-infected barbarians you could in a day. 

But, your smarter side still worried about safety. 

“I’ll sing you two lines,” he told you, “just two lines.”

“Fine,” you sighed.

“This is an original, by the way.”

“Wow, an original song,” you teased, “just for me.”

He winked, “Of course.”

“What’s it called?”

“Lost Souls,” you mumbled, “the song is called Lost Souls.”

“You’re actually my dream boy,” you blurted.

“What?” 

You awkwardly placed his food down on the table, along with his drink, “Uhm-”

Outside the window behind him, you could’ve sworn you saw the setting change and a creature run head first into the window. You gasped as Doyoung quickly turned towards the noise. “The apocalypse,” he mumbled. 

Slowly, the blue sky started to change. “Orange skies,” you announced.  

The tables were rusted, chairs torn, walls peeling. “Empty buildings,” he added. 

Doyoung turned to face you, the same warm eyes as in your dreams staring right into your own. A certain dream resurfaced. 

You looked at the familiar looking convenience store, “Is this the building where we met?”

Doyoung didn’t answer you, only saying, “I hope you like watermelon ring pops.”

“What?” you laughed, watching as he reappeared from between the aisles.

He stood in front of you, unwrapping the watermelon ring pop. He then bent down on one knee. 

“Just you and I?” he asked.

“Against the world.”

[dmsden]

Monster of the Month - Hook Horror

Hullo, Gentle Readers. It’s the beginning of May, so it’s time for our Monster of the Month. This month, we’re bringing you a subterranean horror that should make adventurers very afraid of the dark - the Hook Horror. Thanks, as always, to Scott Fabianek for his inspired artwork on this creepy critter.

Hook Horrors have been a part of the game since the 1st Edition Fiend Folio, and they’ve been in every edition since. They had dainty little hooks in their original illustration, but those hooks have been getting bigger and bigger, and now they are monstrous weapons.

On the surface, hook horrors seem like pretty straightforward bruisers. They have several features, however, that make them very fun. Illustrations show them with blank white eyes, which tends to suggest they’re blind, but this isn’t the case at all. As creatures of the Underdark, it could be argued that hook horrors have adapted shockingly well to their lightless environment. They possess darkvision for a shocking 120′, and blindsight for 60′. That means that even invisible creatures aren’t hidden from them. What’s intriguing, however, as that their blindsight only works if they’re not deafened - it’s echolocation rather than actual sight. They also have a decent Perception score and advantage on Perceptions checks that rely on hearing. That tends to suggest that your PCs will not be sneaking up on these folks. They’re not especially stealthy, so they won’t be ambushing the PCs either, but they can lurk in the dark with the best of them. Odds are, they’ll be off in the dark, watching your party, and the first your party will know of them is an eerie cacophony of clicks and scrapes of bone on stone.

This brings me to what I consider one of the more interesting aspects of the Hook Horror - it’s a sentient creature with enough intelligence to have its own language. Those scrapes and clacks aren’t just accidental noises they’re making with their hooks - they are a conversation that the Hook Horrors are having right under the PCs’ noses! They can discuss rudimentary tactics with each other, or let each other know where the PCs are...even make decisions to surround them in the dark, or move and let them pass. Further, intelligence and language means they could be communicated with. A character with telepathy or the appropriate language could treat with them, and their neutral alignment, while suggesting they’re primarily self-interested, means they aren’t out of hand evil.

This possibility works in more than one way, of course. Yes, it’s possible for PCs to negotiate with them, but it also means that an NPC with the appropriate abilities could have befriended or made some kind of pact with them. Imagine an Underdark Druid who has allied with a pack of Hook Horrors, or a Svirfneblin city that bribes them with food to act as a sort of early warning system. They could ring a gong and warn the Deep Gnomes of intruders quite easily.

While Hook Horrors are certainly glad of fresh meat, they are omnivorous. They could be persuaded to eat all manner of things, and this might be a way to keep them satisfied. A Druid could create lichens and fungi for them to eat, keeping them from attacking any animals that passed. They are intelligent enough that a guaranteed source of food should be enough to keep them from hurting others.

One other trait of Hook Horrors that’s worth mentioning is their climbing speed. I imagine Hook Horrors might want to locate caves that’re near to major routes through the Underdark and situated high up. I could see them clinging to stalactites above a large Underdark trade route, waiting for a group to pass, and attempting to grab one or two near the sides or end. Some might even distract warriors in the front, but fight defensively, while others grabbed more vulnerable prey from the middle or rear of the group, before the whole group simply clambered up the cavern walls, dragging their prizes along.

As a few interesting notes, clans of Hook Horrors tend to be ruled by the strongest or oldest female in the pack, and her mate is usually in charge of the hunters. They are egg-layers, but they will conceal their eggs in one of the best protected caves of the lair...one that they can defend at all costs. If any PCs got near these eggs, all silence and subtlety would likely go out the window as the Hook Horrors moved to protect the next generation.

While Hook Horrors are primarily an Underdark creature, I could see a group of hunters venturing out in search of other prey if they found an exit to the surface. A farmhouse might be driven to frenzy in fear as their livestock starts disappearing on nights when terrible clacking fills the darkness around their land. Such a farmhouse is desperately in need of some adventurers to help out, track the Horrors back to their lair and convince them to stop venturing out, one way or another.

I hope this article has made you consider the Hook Horror as more than a simple brute and appreciate the elegantly evolved Underdark predator it is. Until next month, may all your 20s be natural.

[nerdythebard]

#5: Amaterasu, The Shining Light

Gods and Goddesses!

We step into a brand new pantheon, opening it with Amaterasu! She is a central figure in Shinto, the firstborn and the only daughter of the primordial creator deities (Izanami and Izanagi), and to this day believed to be the direct ancestor of Japanese emperors. Let's see what can this great leader bring to the D&D table!

Next time: NANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA!

As always, let's see what we need to make the Sun rise again for us:

High Mobility: Amaterasu has an Aura which increases Movement Speed (and gives additional healing and power) and she has a Dash which silences enemies

High Area Damage: Amaterasu's Passive aura weakens foes, her Mirror charges up a long-range blast, and her Ultimate is three quick and powerful slices slowing and stunning enemies on top of dealing damage

The Imperial Regalia of Japan: It's only fitting to incorporate Amaterasu's symbols of power: the Yasaka-no-Magatama jewel, the Yata-no-Kagami mirror, and the Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi sword.

---

Starting with Amaterasu's race, I cannot think of anything else than Protector Aasimar. With the spark of divinity inside us, we get a +2 Charisma and +1 Wisdom, 60 feet of Darkvision, and resistance to radiant and necrotic damage. We get the Healing Hands feature, which lets us restore s number of Hit Points equal to our level (for a creature we touch, or for ourselves), and the Light Bearer feature gives us the Light cantrip (fitting, since Amaterasu is the Sun Goddess). We can speak, read, and write Common and Celestial, and starting at 3rd level we get the Radiant Soul feature; for 1 minute we transform into a celestial form that gives us flying speed of 30 feet and, once per turn, we can deal extra radiant damage when attacking or casting a spell (the amount of damage is equal to our overall level).

Amaterasu is the chief kami (god-like spirit) of Shinto, so making her a Noble sounds like a solid choice. We gain proficiency in History and Persuasion skills, and with one type of gaming set (plus we can pick another language). This background gives us the Position of Privilege feature, which could be used to infiltrate the upper-class layers of society. Ensuring a meeting with the local higher-ups due to our status is always a good option to keep in our back pocket.

ABILITY SCORES

We'll start with Dexterity on this one - Amaterasu's mobility and quick strikes make her a more nimble type of fighter. Follow that up with Charisma, which is going to be our spellcasting ability (and as a measure of Amaterasu's leadership). Constitution is next, we might be wearing what appears to be at least a half-plate in the artwork, but we cannot ignore the Hit Points.

We go with Wisdom next, Amaterasu's tactics and benevolence comes from millennia of good leadership. Intelligence is a little lower than I wish it was, but we just need other abilities more. Finally, we'll dump Strength – we weren't able to stop a horse being thrown at us by our brother (your time will come, Susano'o).

CLASS

This will be another pure build. I've tried a few options with Amaterasu, but the only one that seems to be working best for what we want to achieve is going Paladin start-to-finish.

As a Paladin, our Hit Dice is a d10 and we begin with 10 + our CON mod amount of Hit Points. We gain proficiency in light armour, medium armour, heavy armour, shields, simple weapons, and martial weapons. As stated before, I would suggest to go for the half-plate and longsword combo, with a shield to represent both the Kusanagi sword and the Yata mirror. Paladins also get a holy symbol, so that takes care of the Yasaka jewel, as well. We don't get any tool proficiencies, our saving throws are Wisdom and Charisma, and we get to pick two class skills; let's get Insight and Religion.

Level 1: Starting our Paladin journey, we get Divine Sense. This special kind of perception informs us of any celestials, fiends, or undead within 60 feet from us. We can also detect consecrated or desecrated places and objects.

We also get Lay on Hands, which is another useful quick-healing ability. We have a pool of [our Paladin level x5] healing points, which we can distribute how we see fit; alternatively, we can spend 5 points to remove one disease or poison from the target's body. This feature doesn't work on constructs and the undead, and we replenish all lost points after finishing a long rest.

Level 2: Beginning at this level, we expand our divine capabilities with Divine Smite, one of the many flavours of SMITE (heh heh) we get as a Paladin. Whenever we hit a target with our melee weapon, we can burn a spell slot to deal extra 2d8 radiant damage for a 1st-level spell slot, with the damage increasing by 1d8 for each slot level (to a maximum of 5d8). Fiends and the undead get extra 1d8 damage (to a maximum of 6d8).

Here, we also get to pick our Fighting Style that defines our warrior. For Amaterasu I feel like Interception from Tasha's Cauldron of Everything works great here. When a target within 5 feet from us gets attacked by a creature we can see, we can use our reaction to reduce the damage by 1d10 + our proficiency bonus (to a minimum of 0 damage). We have to have a shield or a simple/martial weapon equipped for this to work.

Level 2 is also where we get our Paladin Spellcasting, with Charisma as our casting ability. Paladins don't get any cantrips, and can prepare a [Charisma modifier + half of Paladin level] number of spells; in our case, it means four spells with two 1st-level spell slots:

Divine Favour is a bonus action spell that empowers your weapon with an additional 1d4 radiant damage on a hit for 1 minute (concentration).

Protection from Evil and Good is a fantastic defence buff. A willing creature we touch is protected against aberrations, celestials, elementals, fey, fiends, and undead for 10 minutes (concentration). All creature types mentioned above have disadvantage on attacks against the target, and the target cannot be charmed, frightened, or possessed by them.

Searing Smite channels the power of the Sun to our weapon strikes. As a bonus action, for the next minute (concentration) each successful melee attack deals additional 1d6 fire damage and lights the target on fire (Constitution saving throw at the beginning of each turn or another 1d6 fire damage).

Shield of Faith is a useful AC boost, especially when joined by a half-plate and a shield. The spell lasts for 10 minutes (concentration) and gives us +2 AC.

Level 3: Our brand new Divine Health feature makes us completely immune to disease.

It's also at this level that we pick our subclass – the Sacred Oath – and I'll be honest, I had a dilemma here. Flavour-wise, Oath of the Crown would've worked great here; it represents a protector of their people, somebody who carries the spirit of the nation on their shoulders. Unfortunately, there is another Oath that has more things that we need. Oath of Glory is usually taken by Paladins who believe they are destined for greatness and therefore they train diligently every day waiting for fate to call them to adventure. At this

When we take this Oath, we gain access to some more spells. We always have them prepared and they don't count against the max. number of spells we can have. Guiding Bolt deals 4d6 radiant damage on a successful hit, and the next attack against the target before our next turn has an advantage. Heroism makes one willing creature we touch immune to being frightened for 1 minute (concentration) and grants it Temporary Hit Points equal to our spellcasting ability modifier.

We also gain access to the Channel Divinity feature. We get only one CD per short or long rest, but we have two options right from the start:

Peerless Athlete enhances our physical abilities, giving us advantage on Athletics and Acrobatics checks and enhancing our capacity to carry, push, lift, and drag objects. Our jump distance also increases by 10 feet.

Inspiring Smite can be used immediately after we deal extra damage with the Divine Smite feature. As a bonus action, we can pick a number of creatures within 30 feet from us and distribute [2d8 + our Paladin level] Temporary Hit Points between them.

Level 4: We get our first Ability Score Improvement! If our DM allows to take feats instead of raising abilities, that's good news for us; the Resilient feat gives us a +1 to an ability of our choice (let's go for Constitution for better Hit Point) and lets us become proficient in one saving throw. One again, let's select Constitution for better chance of keeping our concentration.

At this level, we can also get a new 1st-level spell: Command forces one target to make a Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, we can issue a simple one-word command that the target must execute on its next turn. If the target is an undead, cannot understand our language, or we order them to harm themselves, the spell fails.

Level 5: We unlock 2nd-level spell slots here. We also get two more spells, thanks to our subclass: Enhance Ability lets us touch one willing creature and enhance one of its ability scores for 1 hour (concentration). Magic Weapon gives a weapon we touch a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls for 1 hour (concentration) and also makes the weapon magical for the purpose of overcoming resistances.

Here, we also get Extra Attack feature, which lets us attack twice during one Action.

Level 6: At this level, we gain our first Aura ability. Aura of Protection extends 10 feet from us (30 feet when we hit level 18) and gives an automatic bonus of [our Charisma modifier] to us or any friendly creature within range that has to make a saving throw.

We can also pick our first 2nd-level spell. Aid gives up to three creatures within 30 feet of us extra 5 Hit Points, and also increases Maximum Hit Points by 5 for 8 hours.

Level 7: From our subclass we get another Aura ability. Aura of Alacrity increases our walking speed by 10 feet. Additionally, if we're not incapacitated, all allies that stand within 5 feet of us at the beginning of their turn gain +10 feet of walking speed until the end of their turn.

Level 8: We get another ASI. For this one, let's raise our Dexterity and Constitution by 1.

We also get another 2nd-level spell: Warding Bond links us with another willing creature via two matching rings for 1 hour. While our target is within 60 feet of us, they gain +1 to AC and saving throws, as well as resistance to all forms of damage. However, each time the target takes damage, we take the same amount of damage.

Level 9: At this level we get no class features, but we do unlock 3rd-level spell slots and get two new spells from our subclass:

Haste doubles the speed of one willing creature within 30 feet of us, as well as provides it with +2 AC, additional Action on each of its turn, and disadvantage on Dexterity saving throw for 1 minute (concentration). After the spell wears off, the target can't move or take actions until its next turn.

Protection from Energy grants a willing creature we touch resistance to one of the following types of damage – acid, cold, fire, lightning, or thunder – for 1 hour (concentration).

Level 10: Halfway through this build and we get Aura of Courage, which gives us and friendly creatures within 10 feet of us immunity to being frightened. At level 18, the Aura extends to 30 feet.

We get our first 3rd-level spell: Blinding Smite gives our next successful strike additional 3d8 radiant damage; the target has to make a Constitution saving throw or be blinded until the spell ends (1 minute, concentration).

Level 11: We get a little upgrade with Improved Divine Smite, which is now permanently active. On a successful hit, the target receives extra 1d8 radiant damage. In my personal ruling, we can still burn spell slots to add extra d8s of radiant damage, as per usual Divine Smite.

Level 12: Another ASI; let's put one point into Constitution and one into Wisdom.

For this level's spell, Daylight create a sphere of natural sunlight at a point of our choice within 60 feet from us. It overcomes any magical darkness created by a spell of 3rd level or lower, and can be used to put some weakness to vampires. The spell can also be used on an object that isn't being worn or carried to make it glow.

Level 13: Here, we unlock 4th-level spell slots and gain two more spells from our subclass:

Compulsion targets a creature we can see within 30 feet that can hear us. It has to make a Wisdom saving throw (automatic success if it can't be charmed) or be forced to use its entire movement speed to go in the direction of our choice horizontal to us. It cannot be compelled to walk into hazard, but this triggers attacks of opportunity when leaving melee range.

Freedom of Movement gives a willing target protection from paralysis, being restrained, and allows them to move freely through difficult terrain for 1 hour.

Level 14: At this level, we receive the Cleansing Touch feature. Using an action, we can end the effect of one spell on ourselves or another target. That means we can now break paralysis, poisoning, sleep, fear, charm, etc.

For our first 4th-level spell, we get Death Ward. For 8 hours, a creature we touch is given a moderate protection from death. If the creature is reduced to 0 Hit Points, it comes back to life with 1 HP and the spell ends. It can also stop a spell which results in an instant death, such as the 9th-level Power Word: Kill.

Level 15: We get another subclass upgrade with Glorious Defence. Whenever we (or a creature within 10 feet of us) are hit, we can use our reaction to get a bonus AC equal to our Charisma modifier. If the attack against us misses, we can use the same reaction to make a counter-attack, provided the enemy is within our weapon's range.

Level 16: Time for another ASI. Let's get +2 to our Constitution to make us an even better tank.

We get another 4th-level spell: Aura of Purity gives all non-hostile creatures within 30 feet of us (including us) immunity to disease, resistance to poison damage, and advantage on saving throws against the following effects – blinded, charmed, deafened, frightened, paralysed, poisoned, and stunned – for 10 minutes (concentration).

Level 17: Here, we unlock 5th-level spell slots and receive the last two subclass spells:

Commune is a ritual that allows us to get in contact with some higher power and ask up to three question that could be answered by either 'yes' or 'no'.

Flame Strike calls a column of fire to rain from above on the location we select within 60 feet from us. Creatures in 10-foot-radius, 40-foot-high cylinder has to make a Dexterity saving throw or take 4d6 fire damage and 4d6 radiant damage (half damage on a successful save).

Level 18: We get our Auras juiced up with Aura Improvement. Every Aura we get from our class (besides Aura spells we have to use slots for) is now getting an increased radius to 30 feet.

Time for 5th-level spells. Holy Weapon gives our weapon divine properties for 1 hour (concentration); it emits bright light for 30 feet (and a dim light for another 30), the weapon becomes magical, and each successful strike deals additional 2d8 radiant damage on a hit. As a bonus action, we can dismiss the spell earlier and make it burst into a flash of divine radiance. Each creature of our choice within 30 feet must make a Constitution saving throw, or take 4d6 radiant damage and be blinded for 1 minute (half damage and no blindness on a successful save).

Level 19: For the final ASI of this build, let's get a +2 for our Dexterity. We don't have any new spells here, so we have to be satisfied with this.

Level 20: Our capstone is also our final subclass feature. With Living Legend we can get a significant power-up from the sheer hype being told about us.

As a bonus action, we get the following benefits for 1 minute:

Advantage on Charisma checks;

If we miss out melee attack, we can make it hit (on each of our turns);

If we fail a saving throw, we can use our reaction to re-roll it. We must use the new roll.

We can use this feature once per long rest, unless we burn a 5th-level spell slot to use it again.

We also get our final spell for this build: with Destructive Wave we strike the ground to cause a divine shockwave. Each creature of our choice within 30 feet of us mus make a Constitution saving throw or take 5d6 thunder damage and 5d6 radiant or necrotic damage (our choice, let's go for radiant) and be knocked prone (half damage and no knockdown on a successful save).

---

Alright, that was Amaterasu. Let's see what we have:

Well, first of all, we're a great vanguard. This build focuses on our positioning, supporting our allies with Auras, making sure we're within range for Interception of damage. We also have a very nice AC (14 without armour, 19 with half-plate and shield, to a maximum of 21 with Glorious Defence and Shield of Faith) and 185 Hit Points on average, with possibility of crossing 200 if the math shapes of destiny are in our favour.

We also have a plethora of SMITE flavours to support our weapon strikes.

Unfortunately, most of our spells require concentration. We managed to mitigate the risk a little bit with the Resilient feat and proficiency with Con saving throws, but there is still a risk of wasting a spell.

Our basic sword strikes are also not great because of our -1 to Strength.

---

Anyway, that's it for Amaterasu. I hope you guys enjoyed this ride, and I'll see you next time!

- Nerdy out!

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Zyphus, the Grim Harvestman

Neutral Evil God of Accidental Deaths, Graveyards, and Tragedies

Domains: Death, Destruction, Evil, Plant, War Subdomains: Blood, Catastrophe, Daemon, Decay, Murder, Thorns, Undead

Inner Sea Faiths, pg. 88~93

Obedience: Spend an hour sitting on the grave of someone who suffered an accidental death. You must reflect on how chance has wronged you and vocally reject the influence of any gods associated with these wrongs. If no suitable grave exists, spend an hour telling strangers how their religious beliefs and hopes for a just afterlife are folly and of no consequence. Alternatively, you can write this screed and post it in a public place within a settlement. If you’re away from civilization, you can instead spend an hour sabotaging a path, bridge, tool, or other device so that it’s dangerous for the next person who uses it. Benefit: You gain a +4 profane bonus on Craft (traps) or Disable Device checks, chosen when you complete the obedience. 

i’m glad the grim harvestman covers his basis but also jesus

Anyway, Zyphus is one of the most petty and spiteful of the gods, and this is no better shown than in this Obedience. A typical adventurer wandering the countryside must actively make the world a worse place for everyone else involved, and the clause “next person who uses it” means that you have to either toss aside your party’s good will, or take up the dreaded spot at the back of the marching order. Should you find yourself in a public area, you become just as much of an obnoxious git as a follower of Groetus, except this time you’re personally spitting on their beliefs... However, if you wish to be significantly more tolerated by society, you should do as Zyphus encourages his followers to do and disguise yourself as a Pharasmin or the faithful of another god of order and afterlives and very carefully disguise your blasphemy as “misguided” teachings. At worst, you can feign ignorance and/or explain that you’re new to the faith and had no idea that what you’re saying is wrong. You can even blame other Zyphans for muddying your understanding of the truth, an act I’m sure the Harvestman finds extra ironic!

Telling someone that their practices don’t matter because Pharasma has already decided your fate is the easiest way to go, and the best part is it’s not even inaccurate! NPCs don’t have the spiritual freedom PCs do, so their path is already nearly impossible to change! Get pranked, idiots! Masquerading as one of Pharasma’s flock comes in especially handy when performing the first and ‘easiest’ ritual, as well, because tending to graves is something the Lady of Graves wants people to do in the first place. Make sure to be careful with how you word your vocal casting away of the god’s will, however, or you may arouse more suspicion than you soothe.

The benefit is subpar. Crafting traps is alright, but you’ve likely got better things to use your gold on--wait, there’s no restriction on the CR of traps you can craft, so long as you can beat the DC and have the gold? Well. Go crazy, go stupid, I guess! Here’s a list of everything you can make! The most cost-efficient and useful, however, is the CR 1 bear trap, which--make no mistake--will absolutely shred lower level encounters, but will lose a lot of its spark later on. At least it costs basically nothing to make! Traps are usually the domain of the DMs, but if you need to hold an area? They can come in very, very handy. Otherwise, you’re just leaving them behind you on lonely roads in the hopes some fool will step on them.

Disable Device is normally the way you want to go, shutting off traps that could be a potentially lethal danger for most of the party at most levels. And, of course, rearming them so some fool behind you can stumble into them later. Even if your adventure doesn’t contain many traps, you should never underestimate the strength there is in doing something as simple as popping a lock.

Boons are acquired slowly: the first once you reach 12 hit dice, the second at 16, and the third at 20. However, the Evangelist, Exalted, and Sentinel Prestige Classes can be entered as early as level 5; doing so grants you the Boons at levels 8, 11, and 14 instead. As Zyphus is a true deity and does not require Fiendish Obedience, you earn the right to enter the classes earlier than those who serve fiends!

-------- EVANGELIST --------

Boon 1: Champion of Cruel Chance. Gain Deathwatch 3/day, False Life 2/day, or Healing Thief 1/day.

Decent all around! And by “decent” I mean “they have niche uses, but shine in those uses.” Healing Thief is the most interesting one, establishing a link between you and a creature you touch that causes the victim to heal only half as much from magical or supernatural means, with you gaining the other half. Creatures who gain Fast Healing or Regeneration through supernatural circumstances can become a boon to you, while enemies relying on Channeled positive energy or in-combat healing will find themselves struggling. The best part is that it doesn’t even offer a saving throw!

Of course, it’s still a touch attack, and you have to remain within an extremely tight radius around the enemy (25ft + 5ft/level) to maintain the siphon. This is a little riskier than I’d like, not to mention it’s completely useless if your foe doesn’t use any in-combat healing. Also, at only 1/day, I’d probably settle for the significantly more boring False Life for a nice 1d10+8 (up to +10) temp HP that lasts for a million years. It’s not much, but you can use it twice and it might stop some scratch damage, and every point between you and 0 HP is nice.

Deathwatch lets you instantly know if you’re looking at an Undead or disguised Construct, which is its primary function in my book. With a duration of 10 min/level, it’s likely to last for entire dungeon floors and makes you an expert at calling out foes who’re on their last legs but otherwise looking healthy. It’s a decent spell if you’re unsure of what you’re going up against or want to be the pointman for your team, but otherwise False Life is the typical go-to.

Boon 2: Resiliency. 1/day, you can gain a number of temporary hit points equal to your Hit Dice, lasting for 1 minute. Activating this ability is an immediate action that can be performed only when you would be brought below 0 hit points, and can be used to prevent you from dying. If you have the Resiliency ability from another source, you can activate these abilities separately or as part of the same immediate action.

As far as I can tell, there is exactly one source for the Resiliency ability as it’s written here, and that’s a single Rogue Talent. It’s... eeeeeegh, not so good. It lets you stall death’s timer for a single minute, usually long enough to end the battle (or be ended) and get some real healing. It will likely save your life at least once in a campaign, but the goal here is to avoid being brought to 0 in the first place! Especially since this will, if obtained ASAP, only shield you for 11 HP, which is one--maybe two--attacks from a creature with a similar CR and basically nothing against spells being flung around at that level. This Boon is actually worse in many ways than just giving +1 HP per HD you have, especially since you technically already have access to the same amount of temp HP in False Life.

I suppose the most amusing use of this power is to fake being down and out until your foe turns away, but that carries risks of its own. If you’re brought to -20 or something and the temp HP only takes you to -5, you’re still knocked out but at least have some mercy time before you start dying for real. I’d advocate for combining this with Diehard if you want to get the most out of it, because otherwise this is an extremely subpar “Life Insurance” Boon that will really only impress the group maybe once or twice in a campaign and be boring or underwhelming in all other moments.

I’d want it to be at least 2 or even 3/day.

Boon 3: Tragic Minion. By spending 1 minute praying over the corpse of a Humanoid opponent or a Humanoid who has died a tragic death, you can summon an Allip to serve you. Unlike a normal Allip, this Allip is of an alignment that matches yours, and has a number of hit points equal to half your total. It receives a +4 bonus on Will saves to halve the damage from channeled positive energy, and it can’t be turned or commanded. This Allip serves as a companion to you and can communicate intelligibly with you despite its madness. You can dismiss it as a standard action. If the Allip is destroyed or dismissed, you can’t summon another for 7 days. This ability allows you to have only one Allip companion at a time.

Oh, that’s cute! You get a little insane friend! Unfortunately, as you can see here, it’s about 10 levels too late to actually be useful. At the level you can finally summon one, your Allips are extremely fragile, as even with their boosted HP they’re still only protected by an AC of 14 and no outstanding resistances aside from their incorporeality. Enemies with magic weapons are almost a certainty by level 14, and even enemies without magic weapons will rarely ever fail their save against the Allip’s Touch of Madness, whose save DC doesn’t scale past 15. You’d be relying wholly on it scoring critical hits, which make the Wisdom damage and drain irresistible, but that’s obviously not viable.

Really, all parts of Tragic Minion are ironically accurate. The Allip can’t even really serve as a scout, because they constantly Babble to themselves in a way that hypnotizes everyone within 60ft of them. Even with their +8 Stealth, a bunch of mooks suddenly stopping and standing still will alert enemies who can succeed the DC 15 Will save that something strange is going on. Adding in that Allips have no ability to hide or disguise themselves, just walking around with one is enough to turn heads. And don’t even think about just dismissing it and summoning another one, or using it in combat with any level-appropriate foe, or this is a blank Boon for an entire week!

Seriously, the 7 day ban on summoning another one is a serious kick in the teeth when the “only one at a time” limit was restrictive enough. You’d think Zyphus would be happy to grant his most powerful Evangelists more than one CR 3 minion at a time, but no! If you lose this extremely fragile minion, no more for 7 days! That’ll teach you to take good care of your toys! And that’s more or less the Allip is; a toy. An accessory.

-------- EXALTED --------

Boon 1: Catalyst of Destruction. Gain Break 3/day, Find Traps 2/day, or Spiked Pit 1/day.

Well I certainly hope there’s traps, given who you’re working for! But it’s good to have insurance that they’re not aimed at you. Find Traps lasts a decent time (1 min/level) and grants a monstrous Perception bonus to spotting them, automatically triggering a Perception check if you draw too close to a trap as well which--depending on how you interpret the spell--alerts you to the fact one is nearby even if you don’t see it. Then you can use Zyphus’ granted +4 to Disable Device to knock it out!

Break can have its uses, shattering enemy equipment even as they wield it. Just remember that targeting an attended object allows the wielder to make a saving throw in its place, while an unattended object gets no saving throw (provided it’s nonmagical). And since Break targets Fortitude, it’s not likely to affect the targets you’d really need it to (Fighters in heavy armor and Barbarians with big weapons), but if your teammates can knock their weapons from their hands, they’re free game. However, the use of Break in combat doesn’t nearly compare to what it can do out of combat; weakening doorways, crumbling containers, sabotaging enemy equipment they’d otherwise grab later, and cracking open items made of skymetal. Note that a second casting of Break outright destroys an item that’s already broken, and you have three each day! Personally, I’d save it for the times you need to sabotage something or bypass a small obstacle, rather than risk a high-Fort-save enemy succeeding in combat and wasting your turn.

And I’ve spoken about Spiked Pit before, here and here, but to reiterate:  it’s a pseudo Save-or-Suck that seriously waste the time of anything without a decent Strength score or some Climb skill as they crawl back out of the pit, while you and your allies either deal with other foes, or rain destruction down on them from above. Even if the victim makes their initial save, the pit doesn’t go anywhere, letting you push your targets in one at a time if need be. Since it’s literally just a huge hole in the ground, you can even hurl multiple enemies inside! AND it’s filled with damaging spikes! The spikes don’t do much, but every little bit helps.

Boon 2: Ever Vigilant. You are protected by a constant Death Ward, The immunity to energy drain ends after the effect has prevented a number of negative levels equal to your Hit Dice*, which resets when you next perform your Obedience. In addition, you gain a +2 profane bonus on saving throws against effects that occur before your first turn in combat.

*it says “Exalted level” but that would mean that this could have zero effect if you don’t class into it, so it’s been changed to prevent it from being a dead Boon.

Huh, this is pretty g--wait. Hold on, let me read this a little closer

“The subject gains a +4 morale bonus on saves against all death spells and magical death effects. The subject is granted a save to negate such effects even if one is not normally allowed. The subject is immune to energy drain and any negative energy effects, including channeled negative energy.“

and what did Ever Vigilant say? “The immunity to energy drain ends--”? But that implies that the rest of Death Ward stays up, right? ... right :)

A lot of Boons grant you an everlasting spell effect for your trouble, but none of them are quite as potent as this one. Death Ward UTTERLY stops negative energy effects, crushing the entire school of Necromancy underfoot, crippling the offensive power of most forms of Undead, and ironically making the devotees of the God of Tragic Death some of the hardest sons of guns to actually tragically kill. Even if an incoming death effect offered no save (such as Power Word Kill), Death Ward forces one, and because you’re Ever Vigilant you don’t even have to know you’re going to face one to begin with!

Also, a universal +2 bonus to saves when out of combat, and for the first round in combat! A nice and cute addition, making it slightly harder for enemy casters or monsters relying on their powers to get the jump on you. Ever Vigilant makes you one of the best Undead hunters out there... Which is why it’s--ironically--tragic that Zyphus, an Evil god, gives it out. In an Evil vs Good campaign, you’re not likely to actually be combating enemies who use negative energy, death effects, or anything else Death Ward protects against. The real sauce in this ability comes from an Evil vs Evil campaign, or a campaign in which you’re pretending to be Good, or at least Neutral! Just... make sure it ends before level 14, because...

Boon 3: Visitor From Abaddon. 1/day as a standard action, you can summon a pair of Greater Ceustodaemons as if with Summon Monster II, and gain telepathy with them to a range of 100 feet. The Ceustodaemons follow your commands perfectly for 1 round per Hit Die you possess before vanishing back to their home on Abaddon. The Ceustodaemons don’t follow commands that would cause them to perform overly good acts or save mortal lives other than your own, and they immediately vanish if your orders contradict these restrictions.

...it’s going to be very difficult why a Pharasmin can summon two daemonic gorilla-men who breathe electricity. Ceustodaemons are bred to be the dumb muscle of Abaddon, but they’re still capable warriors in their own right with decently damaging claws (2d6+6) and a bite (1d6+6) and the ability to exhale 6d6 points worth of Electricity damage in a 30ft cone. There’s also their spell-likes, an at-will Dimension Door letting them infiltrate and scout for you, a 3/day Fly to make your party a nightmare to fight, and a 3/day Dispel Magic to crack enemy magic open.

However, they’re only CR 7, unlikely to stand up on their own against level-appropriate threats. So, the key here? Don’t use them against level-appropriate threats, as is normal with summons dramatically weaker than you are. They’re terrors that shine brightest against enemies hovering around the CR 10 or so range, their resilience and immunity against--and I’m not exaggerating--nearly every status effect in the game except petrification and their DR 10/Good or Silver letting them slug it out with mid-level foes and rip apart nearly anything else lower than that.

There’s also the fact that they can be summoned as a standard action with a range of Close, letting you teleport your gorilla fiends right at the enemy’s vulnerable backline or in front of their melee bruisers to tie them up while the rest of your team flanks. The standard action summoning is the biggest treat here, because being able to have two more beefy bodies available immediately shifts any battle in your favor... But know that if your campaign keeps going past level 14, your gorilla men are going to have a harder and harder time standing up to level-appropriate enemies, and it’ll eventually cause them to be summoned to fight against minibosses only or--eugh--being sent on scouting missions. They’re good at them, mind, but you know how it is.

At their absolute worst, though, they’re still six castings of both Fly and Dispel Magic. There’s worse things out there.

-------- SENTINEL --------

Boon 1: Walking Disaster. Gain Bungle 3/day, Spontaneous Immolation2/day, or Deadly Juggernaut 1/day.

Bungle is a fun spell, slapping a target with an insurmountable -20 penalty to their next attack roll or check requiring a d20 roll, but since the spell is only level 1 and takes your concentration to maintain, it’s not likely going to stick. Granted, it lingers for 2 rounds after you stop concentrating so you can focus elsewhere, so there’s certainly worse spells to use... but it only affects one attack roll or check at a level where most enemies have two or even three attacks, making it significantly less useful than it looks. It’s best if you use it out of combat to scramble a skill check a foe is trying to use, but it’s negated by a Will save entirely so it loses a lot of potential oomph. And I just read the spell even closer and it says it only works on Humanoid targets, so it’s even worse than I previously thought!

Spontaneous Immolation is infinitely funnier to use, anyway. Why make someone flub a speech or fail an Escape Artist check when you could have them suddenly burst into flames from within? With no component requirements, Spontaneous Immolation is TRULY spontaneous, the victim exploding into fire without having an idea of the source. You could potentially make people believe it’s the wrath of your god, the power of some curse you possess, or even the wrath of their god if you can spin it well enough. The damage is middling--3d6--and is halved on a successful save, but it’s got a range of Medium and sets its victim alight if they fail their save so you can create a single spark in a crowd that becomes a roaring inferno as the panicking victim grabs onto whatever they can to try and put themselves out.

As God of Sudden Death, it’s a perfect spell for both in and out of combat, slaying random citizens in bursts of horror and pain they’d have no chance to realize is coming, I’m sure Zyphus approves of using it to malice citizens just as much as he enjoys watching his faith’s foes burst into flames. This leaves Deadly Juggernaut, a spell that a martial character such as yourself would normally LOVE getting... if it weren’t for the final clause stating that the effect doesn’t trigger unless you slay a foe within 4 HD of yourself. While that prevents the effect from being exploited with a Sack Of Rats, it also makes it far less likely to activate if you’re fighting swarms of lower-level enemies. It DOES mean that battling creatures of roughly equal strength to your party has some pretty high snowball potential, but since you, personally, have to reduce the target to 0 HP, unless you’re the party’s DPS you may just end up missing out on most of the spell.

I’d personally just tuck Makes You Explode under your belt each day. If nothing else, it’s a funny prank to pull on the locals.

Boon 2: Tragic Accident. 1/day as part of a successful attack, you can target your opponent with either Inflict Critical Wounds or Poison as a free action. The DC for this ability is (10 + 1/2 your Hit Dice + your Cha mod). You don’t have to declare the use of this ability until you know the attack is successful.

More than almost any other god I think I’ve encountered, Zyphus encourages lying, subterfuge, and you looking as harmless as possible. Even the ostensible God of Secrets and Murder, Norbergorberburgerhurger, inspires less subtlety in me than Zyphus, because his domain is specifically accidental deaths. You gotta make your kills look like mistakes no one could have seen coming, which makes Tragic Accident yet another tool in inspiring fear and terror than actually being useful in a fight.

Give someone a playful slug on the shoulder and scream as they fall over, dead. Deck some guy who’s hitting on you in a bar in the chest and feign horror as he suffers an apparently fatal heart attack as Poison rips through his body. Hit someone with a blowdart or even just hurl a pebble at someone and strike them down with nearly no trace, since this ability can work with ranged attacks as well. Coming up with subtle ways to use this power out of combat is significantly more fun than thinking of ways to use it in battle, because as a 1/day negated (or halved, in Critical Wounds’ case) by a save is just asking to be disappointed.

Especially in the case of Poison, because if you want someone dead in combat, hitting them usually works better than slowly, slowly, slowly hoping and praying that their Con hits 0. Inflict Critical Wounds is a little more useful if you’re using it to speed up an opponent’s death in combat, dealing 4d8+11 (+1 per level) damage... or healing an Undead ally. Yes, you have to hit with an attack, but as I’ve already stated above, the attack doesn’t have to deal much--or ANY--real damage to trigger a Tragic Accident. I do appreciate that Zyphus assures your attack connects before you trigger this ability, a lot of other Boons are not so gracious. Like...

Boon 3: Unfairness of the World. 1/day, you may fill an attack with negative energy. You must declare your use of this ability before you roll the attack roll; on a hit, the target gains a number of negative levels equal to 3 + 1/2 your Hit Dice unless it succeeds at a Fortitude saving throw (the DC for this ability is the same as Tragic Accident’s DC). If you openly wear an unholy symbol of Zyphus, the saving throw DC to resist this effect increases by 2.

... This one!

Hah. Well. Whatever you hit with this is dead. Like, straight up dead. The name of this Boon is as accurate as can be. There is NO recovering from being slapped with ten negative levels (+1 for every 2 levels you have!), because even if your victim survives the initial onslaught of energy, that’s a -10 to every single roll they make and the loss of some or even all of their high-level spells and most potent abilities. This isn’t so much a Save-or-Suck as it is the mother of all signals for your entire party to unload every SoS they have on their person upon your victim.

IF it lands.

Because not only do you have to succeed an attack roll to use this ability or have it dissolve into the aether, but they also have to fail a Fortitude save. That’s two possible points of failure for this ability which seriously reins in its potential, but with just a LITTLE bit of setup you can cut your unfortunate victim in half. It’s definitely both a possible end to a fight AND something you can smite a random citizen with by using the same “things that count as an attack roll” exploits I listed Tragic Accident. By the time you get this power, you can also shamelessly reveal your faith in the Harvestman to make the DC 2 higher, but you may want to keep that to yourself if you’re still masquerading as something else, breaking it out only for boss fights.

Most gods in Inner Sea Faiths leave a lot to be desired, so it’s nice to see a god give so generously! It’s just too bad it has to be the God of Pettiness and Inconvenience.

You can read more about him here.

[oss-crime]

Chapter 2-Project “Ma” –Eve–; Scene 4

Original Sin Story: Crime, pages 37-48

Seth’s wound wasn’t too bad, but for safety’s sake he wound up receiving treatment at a hospital in the Twelve Royal Capitals.

He got on one of the huge automated carriages of the security force and went back with the soldier driving it.

Adam wound up staying in the village of Nemu for a time along with his bodyguard, Gammon.

Naturally their goal was to search for the “Witch of the Forest”.

And Eve…she served as their guide when the two headed out to the Forest of Held, as well as their driver for the carriage.

The fee they paid her for this service had far greater profit to her than her income selling ingredients from the forest, so she had no reason to refuse.

Eve knew of several of the villages where the people of the forest lived, and so she first took the two of them to those.

And then they tried going around to the places where the witch was rumored to be, or just moved through aimlessly.

But the days passed without achieving any particular result.

.

That day as well the three of them had been advancing along a forest path with the automated carriage.

The sky was overcast with thick clouds. When Eve suggested that it might rain, Adam replied that they perhaps ought to end things early today.

“That aside, you’re quite skilled with driving the automated carriage, Eve,” Adam complimented. “You must be, to move so smoothly through such narrow pathways.”

“It’s no big deal if you’re used to it. But as you’d expect you can’t get to the deeper parts of the forest with a carriage.”

“Still, people would seldom be going in such places. So they’re not likely to be targets of the tribesmen, and thus there’s a low chance of the witch showing up there.”

Putting together the information that Adam and Gammon had been able to obtain up until now, the Witch of the Forest would apparently make her appearances in public to rescue people attacked by the white army.

But strangely, none of the people who had been rescued by her could remember what this witch looked like.

“She has green hair, is a woman, fires lightning from a blue spoon…And that’s all they can remember, oddly enough.”

“They’re all probably in a state of shock from being attacked by the white army, so that’s understandable isn’t it?”

“I wonder. Maybe…this witch can use a spell that manipulates people’s minds.”

Upon hearing that, Eve’s eyes widened for a moment. Then she quickly chuckled. “That’d be pretty convenient, if there really were such a spell. I’d control all the big-wigs into making me the queen.”

“Haha, I guess so. You could have all the wealth and influence you want…Have you ever heard of such a thing?”

“I’ve been raised in a village of sorcerers for over twenty years, but not once, no. Do you know of anything, Adam? You’re seem pretty well educated.”

“I’ve hardly done any studies on magic.”

“Huh…That’s a bit surprising. Don’t you have all this magical potential?”

“I only learned that relatively recently.”

As the two of them talked, Gammon simply looked around at their surroundings without showing the least amount of interest in their conversation.

Over these past few days Eve had been able to learn quite well that taken favorably he was a man who was very dedicated to his work, but taken unfavorably he was a very strait-laced person with little flexibility.

Adam was also a bit too serious, but he at least was easy to get along with.

Among the people who had come over from the capital there were some every now and then who would look down upon a country bumpkin like Eve. But Adam never showed any sign of such behavior.

From what she’d heard, while he was currently living in the Twelve Royal Capitals, originally he had been raised on the coast west from there.

“Just like you…I was an orphan.”

Apparently when he was a child he had been able to make a living and fend off starvation by hunting fish in the sea.

“One day a man suddenly appeared before me. He took me back to his home in the royal capital, and adopted me as his son. Even now I’m not sure why he did that. After that I received an education as a student under my adoptive father—Horus Solntse.”

“Did you…not have any parental figures until then?”

At Eve’s question, Adam responded without hesitation, “I did have a mother. …Though she was a whale.”

“Eh?”

“Ever since I can remember, that white whale had always been by my side. She watched over me…Or so I always thought. Though she never did anything to actually help me, ha ha.”

“…”

“Do you think my story is strange?”

“Mm, nooo…” Eve shook her head, and then replied earnestly, “I’m positive that whale must have been the manifestation of a spirit.”

“A spirit?”

“There are a lot of them in this forest; spirits that take the form of animals. Robins, chipmunks…I can’t talk to them, but I know of them.”

“I see…”

Adam listened in to Eve’s story, offering neither affirmations or denial.

“I too…had times when I was a child where I felt unbearably lonely. My adoptive mother and father were very kind people. But of course they weren’t my real parents…I couldn’t stand that.”

“…I understand that feeling.”

“In the middle of the night I ran out of the village and into the forest. But it was pitch-black, and I couldn’t tell my left from my right…I sat down alone and started crying. And then…it appeared.”

Eve’s shoulders faintly shook.

A drop of water fell from the sky and hit her face.

It had started to rain. There was no roof on this carriage.

Eve stopped the carriage under the shade of a large tree to keep from getting soaked.

“It?” Adam asked.

“A bear. A frightening bear…Here, look.”

Eve suddenly rolled up her skirt.

Adam unthinkingly moved to avert his eyes at catching sight of her bare skin.

But when he noticed the large scar on her thigh, he regained his composure.

“It bit you?”

“Because it was hungry. A little bit longer and I would have ended my life inside that bear’s stomach. But at that moment—the animals of the forest all attacked the bear at once. And they saved me.”

“And so they…were spirits of the forest.”

“I never saw a bear in this forest again. The spirits might have gotten rid of them, or else directed me so that I never got close to one…In any case, the spirits are my friends, and I owe them my life.”

Eve had never really told that story to anyone.

That was because anyone who didn’t know much about the forest in particular would likely think it was just a silly tall tale.

But in that drizzling rain Adam listened to her speak with a serious countenance. Conversely, Eve started to regret having told him.

Thinking on his goals…It would be only natural for him to start to hold some doubts towards Eve, upon hearing that story.

“Eve. So you really are—"

Before Adam could continue speaking, they could suddenly hear a loud explosion from far off.

“--!?”

They all turned over there at once.

…There was smoke coming from the direction of Nemu village.

“—What’s happened!?” Gammon shouted as he whipped out the sword at his hip.

What came to Eve’s mind was the white army.

They had never once attacked the village directly…And yet, she couldn’t think of anything else it could be.

As though in support of that, several tribesmen wielding weapons appeared from the shadows of the trees and circled the carriage.

“Oh, we’re not letting you get back to the village,” said a woman standing in the center of the tribesmen, glowering at Eve and the others.

Gammon had swiftly leapt down from the carriage, and shifted his piercing gaze to the woman.

“You must be the commander of the white army…The ‘White Fiend of Jakoku’.”

“Oh my. How impressive, that you know of my illustrious title…Your henchmen serve you well, it seems.” Gammon asked her if she had come here as payback for what happened on the plains, but Raisa shook her head. “Though there is a little of that, yes. This is more—a test.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I…Or rather, all of us, are planning to let loose much bigger fireworks after this.”

Giving no indication that she would explain any further, Raisa and her cohorts started to steadily draw closer to the carriage, weapons at the ready.

“You louts, tread cautiously! This military bastard looks pretty tough. Not to mention—” Raisa glared at Eve. “—He’s traveling with the ‘Witch of the Forest’, too.”

As though in response to those words, Eve got down from the carriage and stood next to Gammon.

“…You seem to be under a misunderstanding. I’m not a witch.”

Eve maintained a calm demeanor, but in response to that Raisa laid bare her anger.

“Don’t bullshit me! Countless of my people have been reduced to ashes by you!”

The moment she spoke, Raisa ran towards Eve.

Pale fire curled around the long and thin weapon she held in both hands.

These flames were not put out by the rain; they were likely some type of magic, or else produced by a unique power she had.

“…”

Eve glanced briefly at Adam, still inside the carriage.

He looked like he had something he wanted to say to Eve.

She didn’t have time to hesitate now.

First…she would need to do something about the enemy in front of her.

And she was worried about the village, too.

--Eve took out the spoon she’d kept hidden on her person.

A blue spoon. The item that was publicly referred to as the wand of the Witch of the Forest. For Eve it was a memento that she’d received from her adoptive mother.

She turned it toward Raisa, who was still heading towards her.

And then—expressionlessly, and concisely, she chanted a short spell phrase.

“Medvedi ubit!”

And it was all over.

It was a lightning spell she had been taught by her adoptive father.

A large bolt of lightning shot from the spoon, and then Raisa and her underlings in their entirety were swallowed up in a flash of light.

.

--The lightning strike that had engulfed the area had no effect on the trees of the forest or the animals.

It was the same with Adam and Gammon who were nearby Eve.

The lightning spell could only burn up that which it had been fired at. And after the flash of light went away, all of the tribesmen that had been surrounding the carriage had been reduced to charred corpses.

…No, there was one exception.

Raisa must have taken the direct brunt of the lightning, and yet despite her body having sustained massive burns she was still clinging to life.

“Wow…I’m surprised. That’s the first time anyone’s taken that shot and lived.” Eve looked down on Raisa with a cold expression.

“Y…you bitch…”

Gammon pressed down on Raisa’s body as she tried to crawl into the forest to escape.

“What an unexpected bounty, to be able to capture the head of the white army. For now let’s get her to the village—”

As he turned his face to the village, Gammon stopped speaking.

There was still smoke rising from that direction.

Eve quickly got back into the carriage and put her hand on the control crystal.

But Adam gripped her thin arm.

“The village will be dangerous. The bulk of the white army is probably attacking it now.”

“That’s why we have to go help my father and the others!”

Gammon tossed something at the carriage as it started to move.

Adam caught the weapon.

“This is…”

It was the peculiarly shaped sword that Raisa had been carrying.

“Take it! It should serve as some protection,” Gammon shouted to Adam. “I can’t let Raisa get away. You’ll have to go on your own!”

His words were in a sense an abandonment of his responsibilities as bodyguard, but under the circumstances he must have judged there was nothing more he could do.

Or maybe he was dazzled by the potential for glory that had fallen before him.

Eve didn’t care which it was.

Whatever the case, she was focused on the situation in the village now.

Though I can’t imagine my father would be done in by the white army so easily…

The residents of the village of Nemu were a band of once famous sorcerers.

Even so, Eve couldn’t help the unease in her chest.

The carriage started to race, Adam sitting beside her.

And in this way they advanced at full speed along the forest path, headed for the village.

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[the-big-nope]

While I’m certainly nowhere near ready for the story of the Mighty Nein to come to an end, I am also a D&D nerd and there’s a new sourcebook coming out soon with a bunch of new subclasses in it. By the time Campaign 3 of Critical Role gets underway, that book will be published, leaving a wealth of new options for the cast members to choose from, so why not entertain myself by making barely justified predictions of what the cast is most likely to pick for their next characters! (Disclaimer: Some of the new subclasses have been confirmed and some haven’t, so for a few of these picks I’m just going off of what I think is going to be in the book).

Travis

Cleric (Tempest Domain): Travis has been playing lowkey EMT since campaign one, and Laura’s already confirmed that Travis almost went cleric for campaign two. Between Grog with his barb-boosted movement speed to get around the battlefield so he could shove healing potions into his squishier teammates, and Fjord multiclassing into paladin and lovingly tapping his friends with single hit points to get them back up, it would be delightful to see him fully jump in and embrace the classical healer role. Of course, this is Travis, so I don’t see him picking a cleric domain that doesn’t allow for at least some whoop-ass, and Tempest Domain brings plenty of it. You get proficiency with all armor and weapons, Divine Strike at level 8 for boosted melee damage, you can use a reaction to inflict lightning or thunder damage against any enemy within melee range that’s hit you. And if you climb up high enough in levels, you gain a flying speed equal to your walking one whenever you’re outdoors. Pretty nifty, and makes for a fitting subclass for a guy that’s voiced Thor on multiple occasions.

Blood Hunter (Order of the Lycan): I mean, come on. The only reason it isn’t number one is that it was already widely assumed this would be Travis’s pick for campaign two, and I wouldn’t put it past him to surprise us again. But still, we saw him get a taste in Liam’s one shot and he was clearly having the time of his life. Besides, we lost Molly far too early to really see the blood hunter’s potential come to life; it would be damn cool to see someone else take a crack at it, and Travis is enough of a D&D gambler to not shy away from the class’s riskier features.

Artificer (Armorer): Speaking of Marvel connections, if Travis doesn’t lean toward fantasy Thor, then fantasy Iron Man might catch his attention instead. Artificer is an official class now, and since it’ll be reprinted in TCoE by the time campaign 3 gets underway, it’ll be a lot more visible as an option. The Armorer sits in almost a perfect middle ground of what Travis has done before: tanky and a frontliner, but also still has spells and tricks to help the party. Plus, you get a badass suit of power armor out of it. What’s not to like?

Marisha

Bard (College of Creation): After Hazel Copperpot, we all saw the pure magic that was Marisha Ray playing a bard. I know she implied that Hazel was supposed to be her campaign two backup character, but I hope this doesn’t discourage her from making another one. There are quite a few bard subclasses, a number of which I could see her being drawn to (Lore, Glamour, maybe even Swords), but I really vibe with the idea of Creation. I can’t exactly say why; maybe the idea of the ‘dancing object’ feature in Marisha’s hands is very funny to me (remember Keyleth’s adorable “Be Our Guest” moment? That, but this time it’s a walking wardrobe beating the shit out of the enemy).

Paladin (Oath of Vengeance/Conquest): As of yet, no one on Critical Role has ever played a paladin from the start, only multiclassed later down the line. I think this would be a cool departure for Marisha. Both campaigns she’s played characters that were either suspicious or at least indifferent to faith and the gods. Paladins are typically associated with deities, but they’re not tied quite so closely to them as clerics are. It would be fascinating to see what she did with it. As for the subclass, I just think Marisha’s earned her turn on the Goth Character Carousel, and while I know Conquest paladin is very unlikely given its moral grayness by default which might cause undue conflict and that Vengeance is a much more likely and acceptable pick, I just think it would be a sexy character choice. 

Wizard (Bladesinger/Graviturgist): This is a much more pie-in-the-sky, wishful thinking pick on my end, but not impossible imo. Marisha has experience with heavy spellcasting already, so she probably wouldn’t shy away from a wizard, but like Travis I suspect she likes a bit of oomph to her characters, and probably wouldn’t play as support heavy as Caleb does. To that end, Bladesingers get a bit more survivability and some modicum of physical prowess alongside their spells, while Graviturgists are definitely on the more aggressive side of the spectrum for wizard subclasses, with unique dunamancy spells to boot. I’m not sure how restrictive Matt would be about Xhorhassian characters in the next campaign if it takes place on another continent, but hey, you never know. Plus, she picked one of Matt’s homebrew subclasses for the current campaign; it would be cute if it happened again.

Liam

Druid (Circle of the Shepherd): At some point before Critical Role comes to end (hopefully far in the future), I know Liam’s gonna play a druid, I can feel it in my bones. He's too big of a Kiki fan not to. However, while Circle of the Moon might feel obvious given the potential for homage and how much he likes turning into animals, I feel like he might regard it as getting too close to old territory (also, I don’t know if Circle of the Moon is like an exclusive thing to the Ashari tribes, and if it is that would be rather restrictive for building a backstory). If that’s the case, Circle of the Shepherd feels like the next best bet. It has some great support options via the totems you can put down, and rather than becoming badass animals, you instead just get really good at summoning a fuck ton of them. It’s like Frumpkin, but ten of him. And they’re bears. (Honorable mention: If Circle of the Moon would feel like treading old territory then I’m certain Circle of Wildfire would too, but I’d bet my dice collection it would at least be tempting). 

Cleric (Unity Domain): Listen. The pure sap potential that would be at Mr. O’Brien’s fingertips with this subclass is incredible. The domain all about strengthening and protecting the bonds between friends and loved ones?? The domain with the Channel Divinity that can spread damage taken by one creature across the party however the cleric chooses to distribute it to lessen the blow to the individual??? The domain that used to be called the Love Domain???? I’m practically gagging on the soft moments and unspoken devotion conveyed through spellcasting already.

Fighter (Rune Knight/Psi Knight): Liam has yet to play a tank in a long-term campaign, and while I’m more enamored with the potential of the above classes, it would be novel to see him play a character with an actually respectable amount of hit points. However, I feel like if he was gonna commit to a straight frontliner, he’d probably want something a little more unique than a Champion or Battle Master (especially since he’s played those already for one-shots). Rune Knight has some fun options and built-in flavor, and with Psi Knight you can basically be a Jedi. Not bad options at all if you ask me.

Taliesin

Warlock (Fiend): Yeah, it might be expected, or Percy might have been too close to warlock anyway to feel like there’s new ground to cover, but hear me out. Both Percy (who, let’s face it, was a warlock multiclass in all but the actual mechanics) and Fjord were the classic reluctants. They got in over their heads without really knowing what was going on, and once they did they wanted out, cutting ties with their patrons and getting clear with only the scars remaining. I want to see Taliesin commit to a warlock in a way I imagine only he could manage to pull off. How fun would that balancing act be, to have a character that has no intentions of breaking their pact, who’s here for the powers, and is willing to work that delicate balancing act between keeping what he’s got and not letting his contract holder get the better of him? Give it to meeeeee.

Sorcerer (Psionic Soul): Psionic Soul has a bit of that eldritch flavor that vibes with Taliesin so much, with the added interest of introducing a brand new feature to 5E, the Psi Die (with this subclass, using them can do things like letting a sorcerer learn a spell they don’t already know for a few hours, allow you to cast spells without needing verbal, somatic, or material components, and can give you telepathy). Taking both Percy and Molly into account, it seems Tal likes to lean into those unique additional mechanics, and while Psi Die aren’t as risk-heavy as Gunslinger or Bloodhunter, they do add a layer of variability and unpredictability that seems to match his style.

Rogue (Swashbuckler): We only got a little bit of time with Molly, and so missed out on the opportunity to see Tal play a more cavalier character this time around. If he feels like leaning away from spells next time and back toward martial, I think a high-charisma, high-swinging swashbuckler from Tal would be a delight to watch.

Laura

Barbarian (Path of the Ancestral Guardian): Laura deserves to hit things, okay? Yes, spellcasting is great and comes in clutch frequently and Jester’s amazing, but you can tell Laura misses doing fat stacks of damage to the enemy in a single round. I personally think it would be amazing to watch her just cut loose and go full rage machine. As for the subclass, I’m not glued to the idea, but Ancestral Guardians are pretty kickass, have decent support capabilities for a barb without detracting from their DPS at all, and it doesn’t tread on any previous characters’ toes or their aesthetics.

Rogue (Scout/Soulknife): Laura deserves to play her favorite class at last, okay? She’s been class poached two campaigns in a row, and though that resulted in both Vex and Jester and I wouldn’t trade them for the world, Laura has earned first pick. Seeing as she already dipped into Assassin as Vex and Sam took Arcane Trickster, I could see Scout being a viable subclass choice. It’s in the classic sneaky vein, relatively simple in concept, but comes with features that grant easy-to-understand benefits that you can never turn your nose up at (boosts to movement, advantage on initiative, giving advantage against a target to everyone else in the party, etc.). If she’s looking for something a bit flashier, Soulknife has the benefit of retroactively dunking on Vax by taking the basic knife-rogue and making it better, with psionic knives that you can manifest with a thought, that can teleport you around Whisper style, and cranking up that stealth to ridiculous levels by just being able to turn invisible for ten minutes, no concentration or spell needed. The psionic die mechanics are a little funky of course, but I don’t imagine it’s any trickier than learning to manage all those cleric spells.

Monk (Way of the Open Hand): Between Beau just being super cool and her brief stint as Farriwen Breeze, monk wouldn’t be a surprising pick from Laura. An Open Hand monk might be the definitive version everyone knows, but you can’t deny it’s a solid subclass, and between previous overlap and the concepts of the other subclasses just not seeming to fit, I could see the classic being what she went with. But hey, it’s Laura Bailey. She could surprise us with Way of the Drunken Master or something.

Sam

Ranger (Monster Slayer): Let’s be real, I don’t think this would be his actual first pick for a Campaign 3 character, but the amount of shit-stirring he could achieve by making a character with the aim of pissing off Laura Bailey specifically would be hilarious (and since Matt isn’t completely opposed to UA and acknowledges that PHB ranger has a lot of issues, I wouldn’t be surprised if they went Revised Ranger this time).

Warlock (Genie): Actual first pick here, Pact of the Genie Warlock is confirmed by now, and the potential of a warlock in the hands of Sam Riegel is pretty vast (for some reason I’m imagining he would go the ‘spoiled sugar baby’ route). The subclass doesn’t matter as much, but the Genie one is nice in that, depending on the type of genie patron you pick, you can get a wide variety of extra spells, you get a container like a classic lamp or lantern that you can bamf into for short rests, and you get a limited Wish ability for your capstone, all features I feel like would especially appeal to Sam.

Barbarian (Path of the Wild Soul): I want to see Sam play a fairy barbarian. ‘Nough said.

Ashley

Fighter (Eldritch/Echo Knight): Ashley really seems to vibe with the crushing power of martial classes (she does love her brutal kill descriptions), so I could see her sticking with it rather than going back to full caster. However, I do see her picking one of the magical subclasses for some variety after Yasha. Eldritch Knight is a classic and reasonably easy to manage, but tbh I’d LOVE for it to be Echo Knight. And think, if my wishful thinking came true, with Ashley picking an Echo Knight and Marisha playing a Graviturgist wizard, they could link up their backstories and be a traveling Kryn battle duo that left their homeland behind to explore the world!

Sorcerer (Draconic): If she does want to go back to full-time casting, Sorcerer doesn’t require near as much bookkeeping as a cleric, druid, or wizard while still having decent variety, and the Draconic subclass is a bit beefier than the other subclasses. Also, it would be the third campaign in a row where Ashley Johnson’s character eventually got wings, soooo...

And tbh I have no idea what a third pick might be for Ashley, so I’m just gonna throw a dart or two at the board and say either College of Whispers Bard or Way of Mercy Monk *Shrug* We can only wait and see!