#the only word to effectively describe it is wow

[nataliesfirefly]

You and I Walk a Fragile Line - Farleigh Start x F!Reader - Part 6

a/n: hey guys!! im so sorry this part has taken me so long! im currently on a trip so i havent had much time to write! but i hope this makes up for it, im super excited for yall to read this!!! also i think im going to plan for this series to have a few more chapters, probably max 9 or 10! i love it sm i really dont want it to end 😭 but anyways enjoyyy and comment what you think! and again i apologize if the smut is mid.. btw this is not proofread LMAO

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word count: 4.9k words

warnings: MDNI 18+, smut, fingering, oral (f!receiving), p in v, angst, language, smoking, afab reader

You’re sitting in your bed, reading a magazine, when your flip phone rings. You lean forward to pick it up from the corner of the bed, wondering who could be calling you this late. You raise your eyebrows when you see that it’s Lola. You haven’t spoken to her since school got out. Nevertheless, you answer it and put the phone up to your ear.

“Lola! Hey,” You grin. “Oh my God, I’m so glad you picked up. I’m so bored around here,” She groans, and you smile even bigger at the sound of her voice on the other end. “Around where?” You ask curiously.

“My parents’. I have to babysit my younger sister all the time. It’s exhausting, really,” She moans. “I just want to like, go to a party or something. Honestly, I would even prefer to be going to classes right now instead of this.”

“Wow. That must mean it’s really bad then, huh?” You continue flipping through the magazine, your eyes scanning through the apparently trending fashion and makeup choices at the moment.

“Yes. Ugh. You’re at Saltburn, right?” She asks. “Yeah.” You reply.

“How’s that going?” Lola questions, and you hear another voice in the background that sounds like her, only higher-pitched. “No, I’m on the phone. Go away. Shoo,”

You try not to snicker at her shooing away her little sister. “It’s…” You trail off, trying to decide the right way to describe how the summer is going so far for you. “I don’t know. Different.”

“How so?” You pause and wonder if you should tell her what’s been going on. You decide it’s probably better not to and keep some things to yourself.

“I think it’s just cause we’re growing up. I mean, we graduate in less than two years.” You shrug and reach over to grab your glass of wine. “Oh God, don’t remind me. My parents are still asking me what my plans are,” She sighs loudly.

“I can’t believe it.” You shake your head and close the magazine, uninterested in the latest celebrity drama. An idea suddenly forms in your mind.

“Hey, the Cattons are throwing one of their big summer parties in a few days. I could invite you?” You suggest. You hear Lola gasp. “Really?! I’d love to go. I’ve heard so many stories about the Saltburn parties.” She makes it sound so dramatic, and you giggle.

“And you’d get a chance to see Felix,” You grin as you hear her jumping around. “Yeah, I would! You don’t need to convince me any further. I’ll be there,” She pauses. “Wait, but they’ll let me come, right?”

“Oh, of course. They like me a lot, so I’m sure they won’t mind.” You assure her. “Okay, perfect. Thank you so much, my love. I’ll let you get some sleep. See you soon!” She squeals excitedly and you roll your eyes with a smile as she hangs up.

You set down your phone and sigh, looking around your dim room.

You haven’t been able to get Farleigh out of your mind since your little… moment two nights ago. He’s not avoiding you, but he’s not being nice either. He’s gone back to teasing you and embarrassing you in front of the Cattons. You should’ve known that if you got too close, he’d pull away and return to his old ways.

But every little glance you two share has your stomach fluttering and your heart pounding. Every insult meant to hurt or offend you has the opposite effect. In some depraved way, you like when he degrades you. The past two nights, you’ve laid awake and stared up at the ceiling, trying to relive that night when he made you feel so good. Just the thought of him had your mind reeling. You would do anything just to feel that way again. You’re hooked.

You can’t just keep wallowing in these feelings. You want to talk to him, work things out, and go back to how they used to be a week ago. More importantly, you just want to be in his presence. It gives you some kind of thrill to be around him. It’s like a game of roulette to see which version of him you’ll get each time, and you love it. You crave his attention.

You climb off of your large bed and walk determinedly to your door, opening it quietly and sneaking down the hallway. It’s quite a long walk to Farleigh’s room, but you don’t care. You pass Felix’s room, then Venetia’s. Both of their lights are out, telling you that everyone in the house is probably asleep by now. You can only hope and pray that Farleigh isn’t.

You eventually find yourself standing in front of his room. Dim light peeks through from under his door, and you sigh with relief. He’s still awake. Your decision catches up to you and you realize how stupid it is that you’re about to knock on his door. You shake your head to clear your doubt, raising your hand and gently knocking.

You hear his bed shifting and footsteps following close after. You swallow nervously, your throat suddenly feeling dry. Your heart races with anticipation as he finally opens the door.

Fuck. He’s shirtless with only a pair of sweatpants on. Your eyes trail down subconsciously before you blink and look back up to his face. Is he wearing underwear?

“Hello,” He says, his grin foxlike. “I can’t sleep. Can we talk?” You ask, your voice shaky. You curse yourself for sounding nervous. He crosses his arms and raises his eyebrows. “Talk about what?” He questions.

You pause, unsure of what to say next. What were you going to talk about? He would deny any feelings towards you, so what was the point of even coming here?

“Just let me in, please.” You step forward and avoid his gaze. He steps to the side wordlessly, opening the door further to let you into his room.

You breathe in the familiar scent of that candle he’s always burning, and the scent of his cologne. It’s musky and spicy, with notes of vanilla. You tried to memorize it everytime you were close to him. You walk over to his bed and sit down on the edge, looking up at him as he closes the door behind him.

“Can I have a cigarette?” You ask, pointing to the pack sitting on his bedside table. He nods, and you carefully take one. He hands you the lighter.

He stares down at you as you light the cigarette, taking a drag from it. He chuckles to himself and you exhale, furrowing your eyebrows. “What’s funny?”

“You always said you hated the smell. Yet here you are, asking me for a cigarette,” He replies with a scoff. “Maybe you’re just a bad influence,” You shoot back, and his smile slightly fades.

You can see his eyes traveling down your body, lingering on your thighs and your bare legs. You had outgrown these sleep shorts, but you never cared because you figured no one would see you in them. Well, there goes that.

“Are we not going to talk about the other night?” You mutter. “What’s there to talk about?” He replies, and you roll your eyes. “Are you-” You pause and let out a frustrated breath. “Are you serious?” You exclaim angrily.

“You can’t blame it on being drunk this time, Farleigh.” You tell him, and he freezes, his gaze faltering downwards.

“Can we not talk about that? Let’s just…” He sighs with exasperation and sits next to you. You turn away from him, looking out the window. You decide not to press the issue, since it’s apparently too much for him to think about right now. Honestly, you aren’t even able to fully process what’s been going on between you two.

“Let’s just… talk,” He says finally, and you face him again, exhaling a small cloud of smoke. “Okay.” You shrug. It’s what you both do best: Talking. About anything and everything, despite the strange history of your relationship. You guessed that it was because you had known each other for so long, that it just came naturally. He’s just… real. He’s never pretending or putting on a façade, at least around you he’s not. Around the Cattons, he has to, because to them he’s just the wild child, the comedic relief, the American. You feel like you are the only one that gets to see the real Farleigh, and it feels like a privilege. But you know that’s not true, and you choose to believe it anyway.

“So… Our third year at Oxford,” Farleigh says. You let out a breath and raise your eyebrows. “Can’t believe it’s already been two years,” You both smile, thinking of all the good and bad memories you’ve made so far during your years at university.

“Can I be honest?” You ask, and he nods. “I’m scared.” You say simply. His eyebrows knit together. “Of what?” He replies. “Graduating. You know, I’ll probably go to graduate school or something, but I need to start making my own money. Get a job. Do adult things,” You sigh just at the thought of all the responsibilities. “I can’t be on a scholarship forever. Or have my parents pay forever,” You continue, shaking your head. “I’m putting them through enough as it is.”

Farleigh nods again with a look of understanding. “I might go back to the states. See my mom, maybe stay there for a while.” He says. You can’t help but feel a little sad at the thought of him being away for so long. You hate to admit it, but you would miss him.

“But we don’t have to worry about that right now. You’re too uptight. Let yourself have fun,” He nudges you softly. “I’m trying,” You mutter. “Well, you’re smoking. That’s one step closer,” He laughs a bit and you roll your eyes.

It goes quiet and you stare down into your lap. You can feel his eyes on you, and your heart begins to race with anticipation. That familiar tension returns in the air between you and Farleigh.

You look up slightly, his eyes meeting with yours. Your stomach churns as you look down to see his hand inching towards your thigh, eventually resting on top of it. “I know why you came here,” He says, his voice lowered.

You look back up to him. “What?” You whisper. “Don’t play dumb,” He shakes his head. “I’m not.” You reply, trying hard not to break the intense eye contact.

You gulp nervously and finally look away, your face giving you away and burning red. “Hmm,” He hums, his thumb brushing across your thigh. You try to distract yourself by pressing the cigarette out on the ashtray on his bedside table, watching the little flame burn out.

He gently reaches up and grabs your chin, tilting your head back towards him. He drags his thumb down your bottom lip as you stare into his eyes. He grins slightly before moving his hand to cup your cheek, leaning in closer until your noses brush together. You know you shouldn’t be doing this. You know Farleigh is emotionally unavailable and toxic, and he won’t ever discuss his feelings or yours. But you can’t help but melt into the kiss, his touch, his aura. It’s like he’s magnetic, pulling you in everytime you try to pull away.

Somehow, every single time he kisses you, it’s better than the first time. Your tongues intertwine as your lips move in a perfect rhythm while both of you fall back onto his bed clumsily. One of his hands tangles in your hair, and the one that was resting on your leg moves up to rest on your waist, his fingers caressing your bare skin due to your tank top riding up. He eventually shifts his position so that he’s on top of you, and you turn to lay on your back underneath him.

His kisses begin to move down to your jawline, then your neck. He sucks and licks your skin so cruelly, but you don’t want him to stop. You breathe in the scent of his hair, his curls tickling your face, and you can already feel yourself becoming weak again.

You feel his hands start to trail down your body, resting on your hips, as he moves down the bed and you peer down to see him looking up at you from between your legs. Feverish heat burns across your skin just at the sight of it.

“Wait, wait. I’ve never-“ You start, suddenly feeling nervous. “It’s okay,” Farleigh replies, his eyes soft and warm as he gazes up at you. “Just relax,” He murmurs, gently pulling down your shorts and panties at the same time, shuffling them off your legs.

Just relax, you think. Easier said than done. You’ve pictured this moment so many times in the past few days, and you can’t believe it’s becoming reality.

And of all the times you’ve fantasized about this, none of them could ever do Farleigh’s beauty justice. His dark eyes are shining with something of lust and hunger, his plush lips slightly parted and his shoulders broad and golden. His curly hair is only slightly wet from his shower earlier, yet still perfectly coiled.

He looks up at you, trying to convey something through his gaze. “So pretty,” He mutters, tracing a finger along your thigh. Your breath catches in your throat and you feel your stomach fluttering already.

He lifts your legs up and places them over his shoulders. Your heart pounds in anticipation and you can hear yourself breathing among the silence.

Farleigh leans down and presses a few kisses along your inner thigh, and you don’t know how much longer you can stand his teasing. You watch him gaze up at you through his lashes as he dips a finger into your wetness and you see the smirk that tugs at his lips. He raises his eyebrows at you and your face turns red. “Stop,” You cover your face with both hands, your stomach doing flips. You can’t handle how perfect he looks right now, even as he teases you for how soaked you are already.

“Hey, look at me,” He says, his deep voice vibrating against your skin. You let your hands fall back to your sides, smiling shyly. His expression turns more serious as he furrows his brows, slipping his finger inside of you. He moans before you even can, his head falling against your thigh.

That familiar stretch around his finger has your mind reeling as you throw your head back. He pulls it out and you whimper at the loss, until you feel his middle and ring finger on your clit. Your hands instinctively move to grasp the sheets as he strokes your bundle of nerves perfectly, letting your head fall back down to watch him. He continues to maintain eye contact and it makes you so weak.

Your brain almost turns to mush as you see him leaning down, his head buried between your legs. A moan louder than you intended leaves your mouth as you feel his tongue greedily licking a stripe up your pussy.

“Shit,” You huff, your chest heaving up and down. No one had ever given you head before, until now, so you didn’t really understand your girlfriends when they would tell you how amazing it felt. But now, you completely get it. His tongue moves in long, slow strokes and his pretty nose nudges perfectly against your clit.

He barely lifts his head so he can stare up at you to watch your reaction. You grind up against his face, your hand reaching down to grab a handful of his curls. He groans at the feeling before inserting a finger again, moving at the perfect pace along with his tongue. The combination is enough to make your legs shake. The lewd sounds of him lapping up your cum and both of your wanton moans echo throughout his room.

“Farleigh!” You almost scream his name before letting out a long, drawn out moan. He glances up at you once more, his pupils huge with lust. He moans against you as he absolutely devours you, adding a second finger in. His long fingers brush against that divine spot inside of you and you whimper helplessly, your other hand gripping his sheets as if it could help ground you somehow. That delicious heat builds in the base of your stomach, spreading like a fire.

“I’m gonna-“ You gasp for air, your chest heaving up and down. His eyes are half-lidded and he seems completely lost in the moment, just absolutely pussy drunk. “Let go,” He says, his voice deep and raspy.

And you do exactly that. The pleasure shoots through your veins like a drug, your grasp in his hair tightening and your hips rolling as you ride it out. You eventually come down from your high, letting your legs drop from his shoulders as you let out a shaky sigh, your heart still pounding against your ribs.

“Fuckk,” You breathe out, resting your head against the pillow. Farleigh crawls over you, leaning down to kiss you. The lower half of his face is covered in your slick, but you couldn’t care less. He kisses you passionately, desperately, groaning into your mouth. You can taste yourself on his lips and his tongue, and it just turns you on even more.

He pulls away, his lips hovering over yours. You look up at him and suddenly feel an indescribable desire wash over you as you stare into his deep brown eyes. It’s like you can’t get close enough to him, like you need more than everything he’s already given you. You want him inside of you. You want to feel every part of him. You want him to feel every part of you.

“Farleigh,” You whisper, reaching up to touch his face. “What is it?” He whispers back, lightly touching your own face.

“I want you,” You say. You don’t care how stupid you sound right now. This carnal desire has completely taken over you.

“In what way?” He replies, smirking smugly. “I think you know which way I mean,” You mutter. You don’t have time for his teasing, although you love it.

His expression softens and he seems to understand what you mean. “Please, I need you,” You can’t believe you’re begging for Farleigh of all people right now. You know you’ll be regretting it later. His eyes widen and he seems shocked by your confession.

“Far…” You whisper, tracing your finger along his lips. He opens his mouth to speak, hesitating slightly.

“Do you know what you do to me?” He asks, his voice soft. You look up at him and tilt your head. He takes your hand and guides it down below his waist while still looking down at you. You gasp softly when you feel that his dick is so hard underneath his sweatpants. It has to be painful. You slowly rub your hand against him and his eyebrows draw together as he stutters slightly, and it almost looks like he’s in pain.

“Baby-“ Farleigh whimpers. “Please,” You beg once again, and he nods, quickly taking his pants off and throwing them somewhere on the floor of his bedroom. You look down at his dick, and you have to keep your jaw from dropping.

It’s definitely the biggest you’ve seen, and although you haven’t seen many in your lifetime, you know he would be considered above average. It’s long, with a bit of girth to it, veiny and already leaking precum from the tip. You feel yourself starting to get nervous. You aren’t sure if you could even take all of it, but hell, you’re going to try. You hope he didn’t pick up on your reaction, because you know he would tease you over it.

He places his hands on either side of your head and leans down onto his elbows. He never takes his eyes off yours as he positions himself. You wrap your legs around his waist, letting your ankles rest on his back.

He slowly begins to slide in, and you grunt quietly at the pain. He goes a bit deeper before you panic and place a hand on his lower stomach, stopping him. “I can’t-“ You wince in pain.

“Yes, you can. You can take it,” He nods and brushes the side of your face with his fingers. He takes your hand off of his stomach gently and places your arm back onto the bed. You nod in an attempt to encourage yourself, gritting your teeth to withstand the pain. You reach up to his shoulders, resting your hands on his shoulder blades, trying to keep your nails from digging into his skin as you hold onto him.

“Fuck,” Farleigh grunts as your walls grip him tightly, sucking him in. Eventually he’s buried inside of you to the hilt, and you can feel every inch of him. You’re still trying to adjust to his size, and the pain is slowly subsiding as he groans and drops his head and closes his eyes. You press your hips up against his, trying to get him to start moving. “Far,” You mutter. You can tell he’s trying to hold back. He breathes heavily and opens his eyes again, gazing into yours.

“I’m ready,” You whisper. His eyebrows knit together as he rolls his hips slowly, causing your eyes to roll back and drawing a short moan out of you. He shudders, slightly pulling out of you before thrusting back in. You wonder how he’s so good at this as your nails dig crescent moons into his back with each slow thrust and roll of his hips. Your mouth falls open and you try to be quieter but it’s no use.

He buries his head into the crook of your neck, his curls tickling your face. He’s whimpering and moaning your name and other incoherent nonsense right into your ear. He sets a beautiful rhythm, his bed creaking underneath you as you sink into the plush of the mattress. You think you hear the headboard hitting the wall but you don’t care about the loud sounds you two are creating. You just don’t want this moment to end.

He looks back up to you and you can see he’s already fucked out. His eyes are even more glazed over than before and sex sweat forms on his brow. He whimpers helplessly and pants heavily. “You’re so good,” He breathes. “So, so good,” You could probably cum just from his words alone.

You let out a wanton moan as he hits that spot again, deep inside of you. “Oh, fuck!” You gasp and claw at his shoulders. He drops his head again, kissing your neck as he thrusts into you faster and deeper each time, hitting your spot over and over once he’s found it.

“Yeah, that’s it,” He groans against your neck and you feel tears brimming in your eyes. “Farleigh- It’s-“ You can’t seem to form words, your brain turned to sizzling hot liquid. “I know, I know,” He whimpers, his voice slightly higher pitched and breathless. You try to hold on longer, but you’re already coming undone as your orgasm hits you sooner than you expected. Your body stills and you clench even harder around him. He moans, that pained expression crossing his face once again. “Oh God,” He chokes out, his thrusts beginning to become less steady.

“Where should I-“ Farleigh pants. “Inside,” You tell him. You’re on birth control, but you don’t have the mental capacity to explain that to him or explain why. His hips stutter and he stiffens, finishing inside of you, the warm feeling spreading throughout your lower stomach. He collapses on top of you, his head on your chest, resting on the soft fabric of your shirt.

You’re already sleepy and physically exhausted from what just took place. You breathe in his scent one more time and let out a sigh, staring up at the ceiling and trying to process what you just did. Then he’s wrapping his arms around you gently before pulling out of you slowly. You grunt a bit, feeling a dull ache between your legs, but you can’t help but miss the feeling of him inside of you.

He adjusts the both of you so that you’re both laying on your side, allowing you to stretch out a bit and cuddle up to him, tucking your head in the crook of his neck. He holds you, and for a moment, it feels like a real relationship. Something you had never experienced. Something deep. Something real. And then you remember that it’s not. After this, he will go back to avoiding you and acting like he can’t stand you. You just wish that he would put his pride away and admit to you what he really feels. But what does he really feel? Are you stupid for thinking that there’s something here?

Farleigh strokes his fingers through your hair, brushing away some of the strands plastered onto your forehead by your sweat. He seems to notice your silence.

“You’re thinking too much,” He says, his voice beautifully hoarse. You sigh, relaxing your shoulders. “Am I?” You reply, your voice weaker than you thought it would be.

“Just sleep here tonight,” He mutters, resting his chin on top of your head. You so badly want to ask him to be serious and have an actual conversation with you about your… relationship.

“Okay… but we need to talk about this,” You respond quietly. He sighs and shifts a bit, careful not to move you too much. “We can in the morning,” He says, but you know that won’t happen. You’ll just have to settle for no answers to your questions for the time being.

You curl up closer to him and let your eyes close, breathing slowly and peacefully. “Goodnight,” You murmur. “Night,” He replies, sounding just as tired as you are. You drift off to sleep in Farleigh Start’s arms.

ONE YEAR EARLIER

You were usually on okay terms with Farleigh. But you remember exactly when the dislike turned into hatred.

It was right before end of term exams and Felix convinced you to go to the pub to blow off some steam and relax after all your revising. You reluctantly agreed, then regret your decision when you saw Farleigh and Sasha there.

It was pretty far into the evening and you were beginning to get sleepy. You had spaced out for a moment, staring out the window and watching the snow fall before you heard something that peaked your interest.

“I mean, Felix, you have got to settle down,” Farleigh chuckled and nudged Sasha, pointing his cigarette at Felix.

Felix grinned stupidly and shrugged. “Listen, mate. I’ve tried.” Some other friends of his joined in with the laughter.

You sat up and leaned forward, facing Farleigh. “You’re one to comment on relationships,” You said, raising an eyebrow. Everyone else sort of quieted down after hearing your words.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Farleigh rolled his eyes at you and Sasha just glared. “You and Sasha. You’re dysfunctional.” You responded, unafraid to challenge him.

“Excuse me?” Sasha looked at you like you just committed a hate crime. “Yeah. He cheats on you, you cheat on him, you get back together, blah blah blah.” You took a sip of your beer and shrugged. “It’s gone on for almost a year now. It’s exhausting,”

Farleigh chuckled. “Ohh, you want to come after my relationship?” He smirked as if he was cooking up a plan in his mind of how to humiliate you best.

“Well, I bet you would like everyone to know that you lost your virginity to Joshua Brown,” Farleigh said, loud enough for even people from other tables to hear. A small chorus of gasps echoed across the room.

“You’re desperate, easy, and sloppy. You take anyone who wants you. I guess that’s what happens when you get no attention before you go to college, hm?” He just kept going, and the whole room went silent

“I’ve seen you walk out of so many dorms at six in the morning, it’s insane. You can’t even keep a fucking man,” Farleigh’s tone was harsher and colder than you’d ever heard before. Felix was staring at you in shock and Sasha was giving you that judgemental look.

You looked around to see all the pairs of eyes on you. “Fucking hell, Farleigh,” Felix muttered, shaking his head at him.

You stood up and grabbed your bag hastily, storming out of the pub with tears in your eyes. Why was he such a bitch? Why did he hate you?

Your reputation was officially ruined. All that time, he never told anyone about your situation with Joshua. Until now. He was doing so well. The whole class thought you were an innocent and pure, high achieving student, and now what would they think? You wish you didn’t care so much about how others perceive you, but you do.

You hated Farleigh. You hated him for ruining your reputation and your image. It was impossible to get him back or do something worse, since basically everyone knew he was a slut. But he got praised for it.

Ever since that night at the pub, other students would look at you sideways and whisper things about you as if you couldn’t hear them.

Fuck you, Farleigh. You decided you were officially done with him and your weird friendship. Even if that meant having to avoid him at every cost.

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[doberbutts]

You mentioned in response to another ask that you don't use "transandrophobia" because the trans theory you were taught by trans women told you that "transmisogyny" covered those things and that is a total revelation to me. I've been thinking for a long time that it seemed to me that the idea of transmisogyny *does* cover transandrophobia, it just impacts trans femmes and trans mascs differently a lot of the time. But I had no idea that there has been theory/discussion that says this. I'm more used to the idea of "TMA" with the implication that only trans women are affected by transmisogyny. Is that more of a new thing and transmisogyny used to be considered as a more broad term? And would you trace that change to the same issue you're talking about with a lot of current feminism forgetting how feminism is also a "men's issue"?

Idk if I would call it "new" per say. The word trans-misogyny was coined in 2007 and did not include trans men, but the book in which it was coined did mention that language was likely needed to describe the trans man experience as well. There have been a number of different attempts, but none have really stuck.

I went to college starting in 2010, so roughly 3 years after Serrano coined the word. While in college, my school's GSA wanted LGBT elders to come and talk to all the scared freshly-minted adults who were trying to figure out this being gay thing. The woman who ran my GSA found a Trans woman who was willing to be my mentor and sponsor, she wrote my letters for me back when that was still necessary for medical transition, and we met frequently for her to teach me more or less how to be trans safely. Some things she did not know- how to bind safely, how to attach a semi-permenant packer, etc. But others she knew very well, because she herself dealt with both being seen as a man by society as well as the effects of testosterone on her body for decades before she transitioned.

Anyway. This woman was great, and is a significant portion of the reason I'm still alive to this day. And she is who taught me the word transmisogyny, and that it should really cover all trans people because all trans people experience an intersection of transphobia and misogyny. Whether that was popular theory at the time or not, that is what us young kids learned directly from the mouths of trans women at my college, which to me means that others were also learning this particular version of transfeminist theory.

Unfortunately by the time I dropped out of college in 2013/2014, online trans spaces were having stupid arguments such as "transtrenders are bad" and "neopronouns are bad" and "nonbinary people are cis people who want to feel special" and "trans men should be hunted for sport" and "trans women are incel nazis" and. Well. I went "wow this place is a cesspit and I feel like no one here has actually talked to another transgender person face to face" and then did not engage with the online community. So I don't really know how common or popular the understanding I was taught was at the time, though it certainly seems quite rare now.

(As a caveat I don't really think trans people of any gender have anything that isn't similar with each other when it comes to oppression, outside of certain bodily things that can't be helped because that's literally the thing we're transgender about, and I think we all experience very similar oppression but sometimes with a different hat)

As for what caused this particular defining to fall into obscurity? I really can't say. I don't know how popular the transfeminist theory the trans women who spoke at my GSA meetings taught us actually was in the broader world. Every once in a while I meet someone who lived through that same time who remembers that theory, which tells me it had gained at least some traction if it was being discussed in multiple parts of the country, but... that's really it. And it's pretty unpopular theory nowadays, I get people calling me a scumbag and claiming that I say transmisogyny doesn't exist just for mentioning that the theory I was taught includes trans men in the discussion.

But I don't think it's specifically the whole TMA/TME thing. I think it's a lack of understanding of what oppression and what intersectionality are, how they operate, how they work, how we define things through them. There are many people who believe that men do not experience misogyny. But, they do, that's why it's an insult to a boy to call him a girl during a moment of femininity or vulnerability, as a means of calling him weak because girls are believed to be weak. There are many people who think intersectionality turns oppression into additives, as though stacking marginalizations like dnd buffs. This also falls apart because oppression is not like quick math where you add a +5 to every roll if any part of your identity is privileged and a -7 if any part is oppressed.

I've had people get mad at me for saying that straight people experience homophobia while we also have sitting politicians that make jokes on live TV about how they'd drown their (presumably straight) children if they found out their kids were gay. For saying that GNC cis people experience transphobia when butches are getting kicked out of bathrooms and drag queens are getting jumped in bars. For reminding people that when Sikhs are killed due to being mistaken for Muslim in this country that hates Muslims over a national tragedy our Muslim population did not cause, it's still considered and called Islamophobia, because just because Americans are too stupid to tell a Sikh from a Muslim doesn't mean they weren't spurred into that hate crime by their rampant hatred of Muslims and the sight of a turban and long beard.

[scekrex]

Hello there gorgeous ✨

Prompt idea with reader being a part of a band that's heavily inspired by Babymetal, like the type of music is pop mixed with metal, the outfits, the whole vibe basically. Heaven's got a new band in town and it's reader's band (You can either create a name for them, go without mentioning any name or whatever else you choose to do with that! You can even ask me and we'll both think about the name c:). Adam at first was like "Tf? New band getting popular? Pfft, they probably suck, no one can out-do the first fucking man🙄" but then when Lute asked him to actually go and check it out with her since she got curious when one of the exterminators went there and told her that it was absolutely fucking awesome. They go and it's literally just a blast. The crowd work is astonishing with how the fans, even the shy ones, have no problems with being vocal with the lyrics or movement, the light effects are just top notch, sound quality is gorgeous and clear, the vibe on its own is just one of a kind and Adam is like "Yeah, shit, this is actually really cool, like wtf" but the biggest magic is when he first hears and then sees the reader alongside the two of his like "backup vocals" (I wouldn't really call Mo or Moa that, but I can't find a better word rn) absolutely rocking out, enchanting everyone as if he was some sort of magician, making Adam start questioning his sexuality, simply going "Am I fucking gay? What's actually happening right now?"

Recommendations for like ideal crowd work representation would be any song but my favourite is this one:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E8pcFhPZQYg&pp=ygUKSGVhZGJhbmdlcg%3D%3D

Light and visual effects I'd probably say this one:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Hru3zh8l2kE&pp=ygUUQmFieW1ldGFsIGRpc3RvcnRpb24%3D

And the one that could work the best in my opinion to like WOW his snarky bitch ass would be this one:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ALznpaBWUTo&pp=ygUMbWV0YWxraW5nZG9t

Rock on my superstar! 🤟🎸❤️

Sup babes, I changed the vibe a lil, going in a more punk-like direction. I don't like describing outfits so the only thing that got a description is reader's vest bc low-key important. Anyway I hope you like it!! xoxo

Part 2

And I dream to be your fantasy

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language & sexual tension

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

A new band was blowing up in heaven, their posters were everywhere and Adam was already pissed off by it. Who the fuck did they think they were? Playing in his area? Fuck no. He avoided them as best as he could - considering that their posters hung in every window it wasn't that easy to do.

Lute landed next to Adam, she was visibly excited about something so the first man stopped with a sigh and turned around to look at her, “Sir, have you heard about Divine Fuck-Ups?” Adam growled as he gave Lute a nod, “Bitch, their posters are everywhere, how could I fucking not?” Lute simply rolled her eyes at him, “Yeah well, the other exorcists won't shut up about how good they are so,” the exorcist pulled out two concert tickets. Adam looked down at her, his expression a mix between hatred and betrayal. Had Lute seriously bought two tickets to a different band's concert? Especially when that band was playing in his fucking area on his fucking main stage? Apparently she fucking did. “You bought fucking tickets,” Adam grumbled, pointing out the most obvious thing ever. “The concert is tonight, I'll pick you up so we won't be late.” And it was not like Adam could have disagreed with her, Lute was onto something and the brunette was pretty sure she'd move mountains to get his ass to that concert.

-

The concert was… different than what Adam had expected it to be, the crowd was loud and wild, there were multiple mosh pits and none of their fans stood still for even the finest moment, they were constantly moving, vibing, enjoying their music to the brim. The first man had to admit: he was impressed by that. The only thing that bothered him was, that Lute had picked him up so fucking late that they were basically behind the massive crowd, enjoying the concert from the distance which also meant even though Adam was tall, he wasn't seeing shit.

So he simply grabbed Lute's wrist and pulled her with him as he made his way through the crowd, careful not to hurt anyone. Because while he was all for rock ‘n’ roll, the most rock thing to do was to watch out for each other at concerts, a rule he had learned very early.

He had somehow managed to make it to the front row, Lute by his side as he finally laid eyes on you for the first time. Your hair was sticking to your forehead, it was soaked in sweat just like the rest of your body - that was probably the reason why you were shirtless, wearing nothing but a black jeans vest with golden spikes on its shoulders. Your arm was wrapped around the waist of your background singer and you and him shared a microphone as you growled the lyrics of Lute's favorite song.

The background singer that had been in your arm only moments ago, was now dropping to his knees in front of you, grabbing your hips and wiggling them, his face only a couple centimeters away from your crotch, before he quickly got up again. Holy fuck that was hot. Adam was visibly mesmerized by your performance, not just the singing, growling and shouting but the way you owned that stage. The way you made the people go wild, your harmony with your band mates was a once in a lifetime sorta bond and the first man loved everything about it.

The song ended and you breathed heavily into your microphone. “Make some noise for Cove,” you yelled only to lick the man's jaw, Cove - the background singer that had gone down on you during your performance - was enjoying it, a little too much to Adam's liking but who was he to judge? Well he was the first man, that's who he was. “Okay, whatcha say to one more fucking song?” The crowd screamed and cheered, demanding the offered song like it was their air to breathe, shit even Lute screamed at the top of her lungs. Her white hair was all messy, her clothes clung to her body due to her sweating so much and she looked like she had one hell of a time.

The guitarist played the first three cords and the people around Adam were cheering, clapping and whistling. Then the drummer joined in and so did the bassist. Then your voice echoed through the air and Adam felt like he was in trance, all he needed was your voice and your body.

He wasn't able to dance, to enjoy the music, all he was hearing was your angelic sounding voice, it was enchanting through and through. The way you were moving your body held him in a chokehold, the amount of control you must have had over every single muscle was pure bliss in his eyes. He didn't even realize that the last song had ended and that you had just spoken your goodbyes, that's how lost he had been in your voice.

He really didn't understand why but everything inside of him was screaming to get to you, to make you his, to have you. Where those thoughts came from he didn't know, he wasn't gay after all but fuck you had looked hot on stage, better than any woman could have.

-

Don't ask him how, but he had managed to get a backstage pass once the concert had ended, it definitely had its advantages to be the first man. So there he was, waiting for you to arrive and once the door opened his eyes were basically glued onto you. “Hey there babes,” a cocky, confident smirk was on his lips as he pulled his mask off his head. You gave him a quick glance out of the corner of your eye as you walked over to your dresser, “So you're the bitch who thought of him as important enough to get backstage even though my team told ya no, huh?” Adam tilted his chin upwards as if that was something to accomplish, something to be proud of, “The one fucking and only.” You just rolled your eyes at his answer as you turned around to face him properly, “Listen, if you wanna hook up, now's a bad time. I have to get ready for another gig in just a couple of hours on the other side of heaven, be a fucking babe and leave, okay?” Oh but the brunette wasn't planning to, not now, not when he had the person he desired right in front of him. He walked over to you, his hand was quick to grab you by your hip and pull you in, the first man leaned down a little and murmured, “Oh babes, no need to act like you're fucking hard to get, I know you want me just as much as I want you.”

And that actually caused you to chuckle, because the confidence was so fucking wrong. You had just told him no and yet he acted like he was the man of your dreams. “Cutie,” your finger slid down his chest and stopped at his sternum, tapping him there harshly as your voice dropped an octave and your expression shifted to seriousness, “I do men, not boys. Come back when you decide to act like one.” And fuck, that did things to Adam, things he would never be able to admit to, not fully at least. Because you were acting like hot shit and for the first time he wasn't annoyed by it. Because you were hot shit, fuck probably the hottest shit he had ever laid eyes onto. “Now move your pretty ass out of my dressing room, babes,” you gave the first man one last sweet smile, your finger traced along his jaw and he leaned into every bit of touch he got from you. His eyes were clouded and for the first time in very fucking long it wasn't just lust that fogged up his mind, but interest and maybe even love.

[etheralsweetheart]

Western Heat

Nsfw, MDNI. (1K words, intoxication, dub-con (both are drunk), breeding, gun-play)

How you hate him. How you hate this man. Him and his stupid cowboy hat and his stupid smirk and the way his black eyes sparkle. God, everytime you two fight he always has somehow to bring up that stupid night. It was one time. A man like him should let it go already. 

But you can’t deny the feeling in your lower stomach whenever you see him. After that night with him. You regretted going with him to that bar and then into that motel… He pretty much ruined you for other men. How? How did you let him that easily get to you? Oh right, outworld alcohol…

Talking about alcohol, you could really use a drink. Strutting down the streets of outworld, you stumble upon a small bar. You enter it and immediately make your way to the table at the corner.

After a few drinks you felt the effect of the alcohol hitting you. But that doesn't stop you from ordering more shots. Suddenly you can feel someone sit beside you. You look to your right and see the one and only Erron Black.

“Hey Sugar.” He greets, but you don’t take that lightly. “Don’t hey S.. Sugar me, asshole”

“Wow, no need to get aggressive, darlin’.” He smirks under that mask. You scoff. Suddenly he takes one of your shots, pulls his mask down and downs it. “Hey!” You blurted out. His shoulders just shake as he chuckles. 

“Y’know what this reminds me of?” God, you already know the answer. “The night where I made sure all of Outworld knew my name” You looked away as you felt your cheeks heat up. “Don’t play coy, that ain’t how you acted when you rode this cowboy-”

“Shut it.” Erron just laughed at your blushing. While continuing to  All of a sudden he just puts his arm around your shoulder. "Sweetheart, ya can deny as much as you want, but we both know what ya yearn for…”  

After you both went to the nearest hotel, Erron didn’t stop himself. He started kissing you with so much passion and lust. And the alcohol as well as the lack of breath makes you feel so lightheaded. 

All you can think about is his hands undressing you. With no care in the world he just cuts through your shirt and bra with the knife on his belt. You can see his stupid smug smile.

“Damn, I forgot how pretty these tits are” He comments.  His hands start playing with your breasts. The leather gloves made his touch feel a lot more rugged, which only resulted in more pleasure. You could only let small whimpers out as he touches your body so rough and with little care. But you like that about him. Such a wild man with a dangerous lifestyle. 

His touch (and the alcohol) makes you feel so intoxicated. You snap out of the trance when he pushed you on the bed.

Your mouth starts salivating when he starts undoing his belt. His semi-hard cock sprung out of his boxers. The color of his tip was a light coral red. From the slit drops of precum were dripping out and going down his long veiny dick. His hair down there was in fact a bit darker and there was a lot. But he trimmed it just enough, so it wouldn’t be in the way of the main event. No words can describe how perfect his dick is. 

He climbs onto the bed and pulls your jeans and panties all in one go. Putting both your thighs on his shoulder he starts licking long strides on your already soaking wet pussy.

“Well wouldn’t  ya know it, maybe we won’t need a lot of preparations. But I think you deserve it for being such a good slut.” His words only made you more turned on. You felt like a total bitch in heat. One that can only think about the cock of a certain cowboy.

A moan leaves your mouth as he puts his index finger inside your pussy. Suddenly he pulls completely away from you. You look at him confused “Erron..?” 

“Just a second, sweetie” He gets back to you. “Just enjoy it” You couldn’t argue with that and just closed your eyes. You moan as you feel him enter your cunt. Warm walls were basically milking him the second he entered you. 

Your eyes shot up when you felt something cold tap your clit. There was Erron, tapping the barrel of his gun on your pussy. “Shh… don’t be nervous, we both like the thrill of it..”

Your poor drunken state only nodded. You can only think about reaching your sweet orgasm. But Erron was right. The thrill of having a gun that near on your pussy only made you wetter. 

Erron puts his hands on your hips and slams into you with full strenght. Your breath got knocked out of your body as you feel your orgasm abroach.

A series of moans leave your mouth. His fingers stroke your cheek.

“I know, baby, I know… I’m close too..” He says before hitting that spot over and over again. Until the coil in your stomach snaps. You throw your head back and scream his name. His fingers on your hip held you so tight, it would probably leave crescent marks. His thick potent cum was deep in your stomach and when he pulled out, it started oozing from your poor abused pussy. Erron took a deep breath before stuffing his cum back with his fingers.

Erron was about to leave, but stopped himself when he saw your passed out form. He admired the way your body looked under those sheets. It wouldn’t hurt to stay. He lets out a sigh and goes to lay next to you. He must admit, he hadn’t felt such a vulnerable touch in such a long time. His eyes get heavier until he’s finally deep in slumber.

[pandorxxx]

Search & Rescue part 3

Lo’ak x Omatikayan fem reader

Warnings: cursing, angst (some at the very end as well, if you read between the lines) heavy drinking/smoking/drug use, soft dom lo’ak, oral, p in v, choking, biting, praise kink (if you squint), slight voyeurism kink, creampie.

Synopsis: Lo’ak has a bit of a reputation that he’s been trying so hard to break out of. He just needs the right girl to come and rescue him. Looks like he found her tonight.

🔞mdni🔞

It had been exactly a month since you left lo’ak. He had been counting the days miserably. You took this time away from him to focus on yourself. You became a trainer for the younger warriors. You started spending more needed time alone. Reflecting on everything you wanted to accomplish, everything you wanted to do. You were elevating while lo’ak was spiraling out of control.

When you left, he drowned himself in his thoughts. Drinking from sun up to sun down. Isolating himself from everyone he loved. He recently indulged in a new habit. When he visited the lab, as he did often, he found a secret stash of Xanax. He didn’t know what it meant, but he read the effects on the bottle, and that was all he needed. Something to numb him from the pain he was feeling.

He’d tell people he was sick to get out of duties. He’s lied to the people that cared about him just to hide his addictions. The only person who wasn’t buying it was Neteyam.

“Lo’ak? I-I just came by to check on you. No one has seen you for a while. We’re all worried. I’m worried.” Neteyam’s calm voice was muffled through the hut door. Lo’ak laid sprawled out on the cot, looking up at the ceiling as tears ran down his still face. Smoke filled the hut, and empty alcohol bottles piled around him. Neteyam noticed the smoke seeping through the bottom of the door, and that was his last straw.

“Lo’ak! Im coming in, I don’t know what’s going on with y-“ Neteyam spoke as he opened the door, immediately cut off by lo’aks state. Neteyam coughed, fanning the smoke out of his face.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Neteyam asked in a concerned tone. Walking alittle closer to lo’ak. “You know…I was really trying to reinvent myself for her. Then that bitch came in and ruined everything. Now look at me.” Lo’ak chuckled deliriously, reaching over to grab the alcohol bottle, taking a few gulps before placing it down on the ground lazily.

Neteyam sighed, backing up against the wall before sliding down. “This won’t get her back. You do know that? You’re a drunk mess, lo’ak. You need help. And I’m here for you.” Neteyam confessed, looking around lo’aks dirty hut.

“I-I need her to come save me. So, maybe it will bring her back. I need her, more than words can describe.” He slurred, tears welling in his eyes. And there it was, the pain again. He hated when the drugs wore off, it meant he had to sit with his feelings, and he refused to do that. He reached next to him, grabbing the bottle of Xanax.

“What’s that? Huh? LO’AK!” Neteyam shouted, as lo’ak ignored him. Hurrying to take a handful of the pills, chugging them down with his favorite alcohol. “Something to numb the pain. It’s fine.” Lo’ak strained, wiping his mouth of the access drink running down his chin.

“Oh wow.” Neteyam said in disbelief, almost on the verge of tears as he watched his younger brother drown himself in sorrow. “Y/n CANNOT rescue you from this. And it’s selfish of you to think that she can.”

“Call me what you want, neteyam. She likes to save, and I like to be saved. So I’m just playing my part. I need her back. You don’t understand.” Lo’ak spoke in an exhausted tone. He was dying slowly. He was too sad to eat, drink, shower. His eyes were low and heavy, and he was getting skinnier by the day.

“You always show her your worst. How about you give her your best for once!” Neteyam shouted, face screwed in confusion. “So that I know it’s real…” lo’ak whispered, but loud enough for Neteyam to hear. “All these girls want to fuck me for one reason and one reason only.” He chuckled, taking another swig of alcohol.

“And what’s that, lo’ak?” Neteyam sighed, rubbing his forehead in frustration. Lo’ak’s head snapped to Neteyam, eyes as wide as they could be in his state.

“Because they can’t get to you…” lo’ak muttered, finally sitting up on the side of the bed lazily. Neteyams eyes widened, hand dropping to his side. “What?”

“You don’t get it. You’re the best warrior here, next in line after dad…and then there’s me. You’re taken already. So who’s the next best thing?” Lo’ak started, and neteyams facial expression softened.

“Everytime they see me for who i am…they leave me. But y/n…she didn’t. She was willing to help me until that bitch ruined it. She was different. She didn’t want you, or another warrior. She wanted me, and I fucked it up. I’ll always come second to you, and I get that. But it wasn’t like that with y/n. She saw me, and stayed.”

“Lo’ak i didn’t know you felt that way. I-I just thought-“ Neteyam stuttered before being cut off. “You thought that I’ve been just fucking girls for the fun of it. Which is partly true, but not all.” Lo’ak sighed, throwing his head down into his hands, rubbing through his hair in frustration.

“All I’m doing is searching for a mate. I can admit that the way I’m going about it is reckless but….that’s the end goal.” Lo’ak finally admitted. Neteyam was speechless. He had no idea that lo’ak felt 2nd best to him. And he felt like a terrible brother for not realizing his pain sooner.

“Lo’ak i-I’m sorry. I had no idea that you felt this way. You never talk about this kind of stuff with me. But you can. I’m always here to listen. And I’ll do anything in my power to help you out of this mess.” Neteyam spoke calmly. Lo’ak’s ears shot up before his head did.

“Anything?” Lo’ak asked, eyebrow cocked as a smirk crept across his face. Neteyams eyes narrowed, eyeing his brother up and down all knowingly.

You had been training the young warriors in the common area all afternoon, and the sun was setting. You enjoyed it, and you were glad that Jake trusted you enough to take over since his youngest son had been MIA.

“y/n! I think I broke my bowwww!” Sarzí, your little sister, whined. Holding her bow up to you with teary eyes. You took it from her gently, examining the broken bow before you smiled.

“You know…I’ve broken so many bows when I was training?” You spoke softly, bending down to be eye level with the young girl.

“R-Really?” Sarzí sniffled, wiping her teary eyes with the back of her hand. You smiled, looking down at the broken bow.

“Oh yes! Jake would make me a new one every week. And mines were usually broken in half. Yours just needs alittle fixing.” You started, bringing her hands away from her eyes so that you could wipe her tears for her.

“How about you take mine. What do you say to that, huh?” You smiled, taking the bow from around your body. You little sisters eyes lit up, a bright smile creeping across her face.

“No way! Everyone is going to be soooo jealous!” She smiled, taking the bow out of your hands gently. “Fuck yeah they are!” You laughed, holding your hand up to give your sister a high five.“Fuck yeah!” Sarzí shouted, holding her hand up and your eyes went wide, looking around the common area.

“No! d-don’t say that you little twerp! Mom’s gonna kill me!” You laughed tickling Sarzí. She laughed as well before you pulled her in for a hug.

“Now go, ok? I’m ending the session soon, so we’ll leave in a few.” You smiled, pointing to the other warriors who were practicing. Your sister looked at you, and then slightly behind you, signaling that it was someone there.

“Teyam!” Your sister shouted in excitement, running past you to Neteyam. He swung her around a few times before picking her up in his arms.

“Sarzí! My favorite little warrior!” He chuckled, walking closer to you with your sister in his arm. You smiled at the interaction, meeting him halfway.“Neteyam.” You spoke firmly with a smile, signing a greeting to him as he did the same.

“Hey, do you mind if I steal your big sister for a quick second?” Neteyam asked Sarzí with a smile, placing her down on the ground. She nodded before looking up at you with a smile.

“Go ahead, I’ll come get you soon.” You chuckled before your sister skipped off to the other kids in the distance.

“How are you?” Neteyam asked, motioning for you to walk with him. “I’m doing well…better.” You nodded. You hesitated but the feelings you had for lo’ak were so strong, you just had to know:

“How’s lo’ak? Is he ok? I haven’t seen him in a while. Not that I’m looking for him, but I usually see him around.” You rambled before Neteyam stopped you.

“Y/n…” he sighed before stopping all movement, shifting to stand infront of you. His demeanor had changed to that of concern and fear.

“He’s not doing well. At all.” Neteyam shook his head, fiddling with his fingers anxiously. A confused look wiped across your face. Almost frightened for what Neteyam meant.

“He’s…on heavy drugs y/n.” Neteyam whispered the last part. Your eyes widened, and your stomach dropped to your feet. A wave of sadness washed across you quickly.

“He won’t leave his hut, and it’s a fucking mess. Alcohol bottles, pills bottles everywhere. He won’t eat, bathe, drink anything other than alcohol. He’s smoking more than usual and I just…I don’t know what to do.” He rambled, running his hands through his hair in frustration.“Do your parents know?” You asked.

“Hell no, and I don’t plan on telling them. They’d kill him.” he explained. You sighed, trying your best to hold back tears. It pained you to know that this was your fault, and that you didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself before you left that morning.

“He wanted me to tell you that he loves you, and that he wishes things could be different. He knew that you wouldn’t want to see him, so I came here to deliver that message.” He smiled weakly with nothing but sadness behind his eyes.

“Where is he? At his hut?” You asked. Neteyam nodded. “He’s been in there for a month.” He sighed. “Can you finish my training session with the children, and walk Sarzí home? Please? I’ll go talk to him.” You asked softly. Neteyam smiled.

“Of course. Please help my brother. He needs you.” Neteyam spoke lowly, caressing your shoulder before walking off in the direction of the children.

The walk to his hut was short yet nerve racking. This would be the first time you’d seen him since you left him. Something you swore you wouldn’t do, but the situation that transpired left you no choice.

You got to his hut door, and the smoke immediately filled your lungs. It was clear that he had been getting high all day as the smoke seeped out from under the door. You closed you eyes, bracing yourself for the worst but hoping for the best before you opened the door.

Smoke poured out of his hut causing you to choke before waving the smoke away. You were met with a whimpering/moaning lo’ak, curled up in a ball on his bed. He was shaking aggressively, and sweating. You let the room air out quickly before closing the door behind you.

“Lo’ak?” You muttered, walking closer to him. His pain and agony filled the room. You kneeled down beside him. You hesitated but finally ran your hand across his bicep. You flipped him around, and his eyes were closed, still whimpering in agony as he shook violently.

“LO’AK! LO’AK WAKE UP, BABY! PLEASE!”

You shouted, smacking his damp cheek a few times. With a loud gasp, he woke up. His eyes were wide and his breathing was heavy. He immediately wailed, tears running down his face as he screamed in pain.“Its alright, it’s alright! I’m here with you now!” Your voice was shaky as you wrapped him in your arms.

“I-im so sorry y/n! I’m so so sorry! Please don’t leave me! Please!” He whimpered, laying his head on your chest. You caressed the back of his head, swaying him back and forth in your arms.

“I’m not leaving! I’m here! Look at me!” You exclaimed, holding either sides of his head to get him to look at you. Your eyes locked with his desperate ones. “I’m here. I’m sorry for leaving you before, I just needed time. But I’m here!” You smiled at him lightheartedly. He sniffled, wiping his tears quickly. You swiftly walked to his drawer, grabbing a dry cloth before making your way back over to him. You wiped his face and chest as he stared at you.

“You wanna tell me what’s been going on? I talked to your brother, and he told me some shit I didn’t want to hear.” You glared at him, eyebrow cocked as you awaited an answer, still wiping his soaking wet body.

“I-ive been getting high and drinking more.” His voice was shaky, his teeth chattering against each other as he whimpered. Your eyes wandered to the ground beneath you, dozens of empty pill bottles laid out. Your head snapped back to him, with an all-knowing glare on your face.

“And I’m guessing you’re having withdrawals from….the weed right?” You asked sarcastically. He sighed, rolling his eyes as his body shook violently.“Xanax…o-only for the pain. It’s helps me.” He whined, wiggling under the dry towel.

“This is helping you? Look at you. You were a mess when I found you and you’re even worse now.” You chuckled, lightening the mood. He managed to snicker even throughout his pain.

“Yeah yeah. Because I need you, don’t you get it? The days we were together were the best. I didn’t even touch any alcohol, I was too drunk off of you.” He explained. You blushed, moving down to his legs with the cloth.

“As much as you love me, I cannot be your only motivation, your only source of happiness. It’s not healthy for you or me.” You confessed, glancing up at him before continuing to dry him off.

“But you ARE truly my only source of happiness. I don’t know what I’d do without you…as you can see. Just look at me. I know it’s not healthy, and I don’t want to put any pressure on you. But I can’t help the way I feel about you anymore. I refuse.” He confessed. You sighed, hesitating before speaking.

“I love you, lo’ak. Always will. And I’ll do anything to help you out of this. I hate seeing you like this.” You strained, on the verge of tears. He sat up slowly, caressing your cheek with his shaky hands. You nuzzled your head into his embrace, grabbing the back of his hand.

“It’s all my fault. And I’m a fucking idiot for letting myself get to this point. I’m a mess, and I understand if you’re done trying to rescue me. It’s not your job to do this.” He shook his head, rubbing his thumb across your cheek to wipe your tears.

“It is my job….as your girlfriend. I’m by your side no matter what. I’m not leaving you again.” You smiled, grabbing his free hand in yours as you two stared into each others eyes. You pulled him in for a well needed hug, and he obliged. Despite lo’aks state, your hug stopped his shaking momentarily. It was warm, and comforting until you realized he hadn’t bathed in a couple of weeks.

“Baby, when’s the last time you touched water?” You asked, voice muffled in his chest. His eyes widened, realizing that he’d made, yet another, terrible impression on you. “I-uhh…” he stuttered, looking around the room in embarrassment before letting you go.

“What am I going to do with you? Huh?” You chuckled, standing to your feet before you reached out for his hand. He smiled sarcastically, taking your hand to stand to his feet. You held his waist to keep him steady.

“I’ll be good from now on, I promise.” He chuckled as he wrapped his arm around your neck, walking out of the hut with you.

You were sitting on the shore next to the stream. You were watching after lo’ak as he bathed in the river. He seemed to stop shaking once he hit the water, and he’d been in there for the last 20 minutes.

“You doing ok over there?” You asked, watching him grab water to throw on his chest.“Yeah, I’m feeling alittle better. I could still use a Xanax though.” He confessed, laughing to himself.

“Yeah right. Not on my watch. All of that shit comes out of your hut TO-MOR-ROW! No more drugs or drinking for a while.” You commanded.

“Damn, no weed either?” He asked walking closer to the waterfall, letting it run over his hands.

“NO WEED EITHER!” You shouted, glaring at him with a pointed finger. He hissed, walking into the waterfall to let it run over his entire body. You watched him intently, there was nothing else you could do.

He stood directly under the stream, letting it run down his hair and face. He’d occasionally run his hands over his face and through his hair, flexing his biceps and abs. There was a point where he reached down to grab his cock, stroking it softly as the water ran over it. Innocent to him but a turn on for you.

“Like what you see?” He spoke softly, completely breaking you out of your trance. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t.” You smirked, locking eyes with him.

“Then bring your pretty ass over here. I’ve been missing you like crazy.” He spoke lowly, so incredibly desperate for you. He ran his large hand down his body again, grabbing his cock to jerk it slowly. He stared in your eyes the entire time, eyes full of lust. As if he was ready to devour you whole. Your body tensed up, and your breathing hitched. He noticed a change in you immediately, and chuckled out loud.

“Just come bathe with me. That’s all.” He reassured, contradicting himself with his hand still stroking his cock. From the base, all the way to the tip, smearing his oozing precum.

“Mhmm, just bathing right?” You asked, eyebrow cocked as you stood to your feet, untying your cloths to let them drop to the ground. He eyed you up and down intently, keeping the same rhythm on his aching cock.

“Sure. Just come here.” He motioned with his finger, and you quickly obliged. Walking into the water towards him until you two were finally face to face. Your chest pressed against his defined abs as he looked down at you. He jerked his cock in the direction of your core, his swollen tip lightly pressing against your clit with every thrust into his hand.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” He whispered “Oh yeah?” You asked, running your dainty hands up his chest.“Yeah. I haven’t had sex with any other girl since you left me. My body yerns for you and ONLY you now. No one can satisfy me the way that you do. Mentally, physically….emotionally. My body needs you, I need you.” He spoke low and sensual, placing his large hand on the side of your neck.

“I’m not fucking you, lo’ak.” You spoke in your melodic tone, caressing his strong arms as you eyed his abs and chest. He smirked, knowing that you two were way past that. You leaned in, kissing his damp chest, leaving small hickeys. He groaned, letting his cock go to reach around, grabbing your plump ass in his large hands.

You slowly slid down in his embrace, submerging yourself into the water until you were chin deep. Your hair was soaked from the waterfall, loose curls cascading down the sides of your head and into the water. You stared up at him with your lustful eyes as you licked his swollen tip.

“Oh! my fucking- stop looking at me like that.” He moaned, watching you explore his cock; licking every ridge, every vein. Sucking the precum out of his tip gently. When you heard those words he spoke, your eye contact darted up to his again.

You stiffened your tongue, gently flapping it against his hole, making him quiver under your embrace. “P-Please don’t tease me. I can’t take that right now.” He whimpered, caressing the back of your head. Seeing as he’d been through enough the past few weeks, you decided to give him what he wanted.

You grabbed the base to keep him steady in the water. Without warning, you took all of him in your mouth until the tip of your nose pressed against his pelvis. He whined loudly fisting your long hair, using it as leverage to thrust into your mouth softly.

You met his thrusts, bobbing your head on his shaft. You swirled your tongue around the entirety of his length, making him pout down at you, eyebrows scrunched together as he let out soft whimpers.

“Fuuuck! P-Please baby!” He cried, legs shaking from his in coming orgasm. It was no secret that lo’ak was a sex-a-holic, and he hadn’t released any tension since the day you left him. This would be the first time he had a proper release in an entire month, which was all new to him. So this one was going to be intense.

You sucked him one last time before backing up with a loud pop. You replaced your mouth with your dainty hand, pumping him at a steady pace. “Please what?” You asked, glaring up at him as spit cascaded down your chin. “Pl-please fuck me. I’m begging you.”

He whined, placing a finger under your chin. You grinned, standing before him. “Please…” he whispered, pulling you closer by your waist.

Without a second to spare, you pushed him up against the large rock behind the waterfall. You took the opportunity to kiss every inch of his chest, feeling on his strong arms that were wrapped around your waist. You pryed them off of you, pinning them to the wall as you stood on your tippy toes, attacking his unscathed neck. He bit his lip, watching you go completely feral on him.

He bent down, finding your lips to engage in a passionate kiss. Your tongues danced with each other before you pulled away, a line of spit connecting the two of you. He took this opportunity to regain his dominance somewhat, turning you around so that your back was against the rock, him towering over you.

“Never knew you could be so nasty.” He spoke lowly, seductive. His hands were planted next to your head as he stared at you with nothing but sex on his mind. You could feel it radiating off of his wet skin. You managed to turn around in his embrace, backing your ass into his pelvis. He let out a breathily moan in your ear.

“For you I am. Only for you, my love.” You moaned, feeling his tip poke at your dripping entrance. Without question, he grabbed the base of his cock, sliding into you slowly. A series of loud moans fell from both of your mouths, so filled with desperation.

His hands slowly slid into fists on the rock, head buried in your shoulder to muffle his cries once he started thrusting into you. You held onto his wrists for support as your head laid back against his broad chest. His thrusts were hard and needy, almost as if he’d been dying for this moment.

“I-I’ve missed you so fucking much.” He whined in between small pecks to your neck, sending you spiraling. You were a moaning mess under him, tears already forming In the corners of your eyes from the constant pounding to your sweet spot.

“I-I’ve ngh!- i’ve missed you too, lo’ak.” You whimpered before biting your lip, trying your best to suppress your loud moans. He wrapped one of his strong arms around your neck, and you instantly gripped it. He used the hold on you as leverage to send you deeper strokes, deeper than he’d ever been before.

“Mmm lo’, i-its so deep!” You moaned through a clenched jaw, eyes rolling to the back of your head as he pounded into you with no mercy.

“I-I know, I know! Just take it for me.” He moaned, eyes rolling to back of his head as well. His mouth slightly agape as his head laid upon your shoulder. You felt his cock twitch inside of you, signaling that he was close, and so were you. Lines of your juices tricked down your thighs with every hard thrust. Your legs started to tremble and your stomach tightened.

“You’re gonna make me fucking cum!” You whimpered, voice rippling from the pounding you were receiving. He sped up, loud clapping sounds taking over the still forest.

“Fuuuuck, I-I’m close too. B-But I don’t want this to end. Not yet, baby! I-I can’t!” He growled, pulling out of you for a moment before slamming back into you. His and your legs buckling for a second before you both regained balance.

“Yesss!!!” You screamed, feeling that lingering orgasmic feeling in your stomach for longer than you’d ever had. He repeated the action, pulling out of you to slam back into you with full force.

“Shit! You feel so fucking good!” He whined, a single tear falling from his eye. In between this action, he pumped into you hard and steady, maintaining your peek for as long as possible.

As soon as he felt you clench around him, he’d pull out and slam back into you. Your legs trembled from the edging, it was becoming too much for you.

“Lo’ak, I-I can’t take it.” You moaned deliriously, your body going limp under him. He held you up by your waist, pushing you against the rock, sandwiching you in to keep you up.

“Yes you can, baby. I can’t let this end yet, I need you!” He whimpered in your ear before nibbling on it, sending you hard strokes. You moaned loudly, leaning your head against the wall as your legs trembled. He pulled out again for a longer time. He watched you shake underneath him, so desperate for a release.

“Lo’ak please! I- i need to cum!” You moaned breathily, holding onto the rock for dear life as you trembled. “I-I’m afraid you’re going to leave me again. Just let me savor this.” He groaned, desperate for a release too. He slammed back into you, immediately thrusting into you at a fast pace.

“Lo’ak I SWEAR I-I’m not leaving you again! You don’t have to to worry about that…j-just let me fucking cum please!” You screamed.

“PROMISE!” He growled, his dominance and animalistic urges taking the forefront. He tightened his grip around your neck, making it hard for you to breath. “I PROMISE!” You strained, tapping his arm for him to loosen up.

“Cum.” Was all he said before sending you the hardest stroke of the night, leaving it there. You screamed loudly, legs trembling as your juices ran down your legs. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, as you leaned back into him in complete exhaustion. Without a second to spare, he began to move inside of you again, chasing his own orgasm.

“Oh my fucking God! I’m cumming, y/n. I’m cumming, fuuuuck!” He whimpered, legs trembling against yours as he buried his head into the crook of your neck. He sent you another hard thrust, leaving himself deep inside of you as he painted your walls with his seed. The feeling alone could’ve made you cum for a second time.

“Yesss, give me all of it!” You moaned, bending over slightly, just for his seed to seep deeper into your womb. He held you tightly, sinking his fangs into your neck to suppress his muffled cries. The sharp pain making you hiss lowly. He detached, blood running down his lips as he licked your wound clean.

“I-im sorry. I got carried away. I-I didn’t mean t-“ he rambled before you cut him off.“I’m fine, lo’ak.” You moaned. He pulled out of you, watching the access cum leak out of your tight cunt. You turned around in his embrace, bringing him closer to you.

“You make me feel so good. Don’t apologize for that.” You shook your head, smiling up at him. He smirked at you, pulling you in for a sloppy kiss.

After that, you two cleaned each other for the second time before making your way back to his hut. You got dressed in one of his huge t-shirts again, and curled up into bed with him. You two talked for most of the night before you knocked out in his arms. However, he couldn’t seem to sleep, not without his aid. He’d been doing Xanax for a month straight, and it was hard to just quit that.

As you slept against his chest comfortably, he held you tightly, glaring at the bottle of Xanax behind you. He couldn’t help the urge to down the entire bottle. And for what? You were literally in his arms, yet he still craved the drug. He sighed, reaching over you quietly to grab the bottle. He untwisted the cap, downing the 10 pills that were left. No water was needed, when he swallowed them.

He put the bottle back, wrapping you tightly in his arms before he closed his eyes. The voices in his head slowly died down as the drug consumed him. That numb feeling he had been searching for finally settling in as he drifted off into a deep…deep…deep slumber.

Taglist: @number1gal @loak-bae @tiredmamaissy @neytirishottie @viajaeger @terrorthewolf @lethargicluv @reyzzsostellar @m0nst3rfk3r @agelsully @jakescumdump @wekiamo @st-cass @cleardonutangelwagon @tsireqas @satanlovedays @afro-hispwriter @thecutieyahia @urfavgirlmakenna @fanboyluvr @iameatingmyhair @secretflowerobservation @violet-19999 @neteyamsprincess @xreadersstuff @lia-nath @sullymenrhot @dotheyevenknowmars @xdbluesky @slay-nt @domino-x3-blog @ladylovegood-69 @itssomeonereading @sweetirilly @skxawngmia @j-jinxee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @cumikering @pxndorasdream @itsaleidasworld @atxxokirina @yeletta @blueslxt-primary @jackchampismybbg @eywascall @valeriearriana37484 @avatarsslut @bee782916 @atxxokirina @loaksbabyy

[sanaxo-o]

Magnetic (Eric Sohn)

Too @sohnric : Happiest Birthday my Eric Stan 🥺. Omg you’re older now damn…okay to start off I hope you enjoy your day to the fullest and keep on being unhinged like always 🥺. Thank you for always being there for me and saving my ass from Izzy 🧍‍♀️. I love you loads and I hope you always know that. This is just something small I prepared for you since well…it’s your birthday. I hope you enjoy this even tho it’s not that good 🥺😭. Love you <3 and yes this is the reason why I did not ask you too beta read the Eric fic 🧍‍♀���💔. P.S don’t worry I did not stay up the whole night. I set an alarm clock to wake up sat 3:30 😚. I hope I wake up 🧍‍♀️. If it comes late then you know why that is! Well last but not least, enjoy your day to the fullest :) let’s keep on talking about Weak Hero Class 1 and what not in the future too <3

Warnings/Genre: friends too lovers, cursing, making out, mentions of food, Eric is kind of flirty (I tried), sunshine x moon trope, reader is very oblivious, reader is a psychology major (idk if psychology majors have jury or no but I searched on google and google said arts students have jury so I think I am right but ik it’s wrong!), drinking but not really since they don’t drink in the scene (reader is just getting the after effects of drinking), reader likes to crochet! A small joke made out of the Shakespeare drama Julius Caesar 😭. I guess that’s it…lmk if I miss anything!

Word count: 6,077

Sana: Hihi, I am back with an Eric fic (I have more Eric fics than I have for my own bias wow). This is just a small something I wrote for bar so I hope you guys also like this. A special and huge thanks to @quaissants @strayed-quokka and @o-onikix for beta reading this and helping me in the process. And also a huge thanks to @sungbeam for making the banner for me 🥺🫶🏻. Love you. I was too scared to ask ally to beta because it was not my best work 💔. I was gonna add the other banner for this but then my friends moms said that it looks like he has a pacifier in his mouth so I was like nvm 😭.

Taglist: @cloverdaisies @sohnric @mosviqu @deoboyznet

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All this was new to you. These feelings, these butterflies wandering in your stomach, the feeling of love, those red cheeks, the feeling of falling in love and at last, him. He was new to you.

All these feelings you had were so new for you. Deep down you always knew and expected to love a man similar to you, and yet he was the complete opposite of what you could’ve imagined.

That is why it was a complete shock for you when you understood your true feelings for Eric Sohn, who was the complete opposite of what you expected your partner to be.

He was like the sun, always bright and drawing everyone's attention, annoying the hell out of them. And you were like the moon, lover of quiet places because they’d let you wander around your own world.

He was the polar opposite of you. You liked having your own space while he…well he loved getting into other’s space and annoying the hell out of them. That’s how you liked to describe him most of the time.

If anyone ever asked you what you thought about Eric,the first thing to come to your mind was ‘He’s a good guy but he’s noisy.’ Which is true! No matter the time or place,Eric would always have at least some energy to spare for you.

Sometimes you admire him for having that much energy in him. Like how can someone go a whole day screaming here and there without feeling tired or having a sore throat??

Blinking your eyes,you look down at the crochet you were working on, only to sigh in disappointment when you realise that you had messed up the pattern, again.

Still continuing with your work,you pay no mind to the people around you who were talking and screaming loudly with their fellow peers. You were fixated on finishing on whatever this was going to turn out to be.

“What’s that?” You hear a voice ask from beside you which makes you halt your hands and look up, only to give out a small grin when you realise that it was none other than Eric Sohn.

“Ah well…it was supposed to be a cute frog but I don’t know what it is anymore.” You mumble quietly as you go back to crocheting the now demonic frog (that was your personal assumption).

“I think it’s cute though.” He says softly as he looks into your eyes when you look up at him again.

You divert your gaze everywhere around the room, just to ignore his. Everything was now interesting, even the guy who was hogging the food. Your cheeks continue growing bright in colour as you try your best to avoid his intense gaze.

“You do not have a good taste then.” You say with sass as you elbow his stomach when he snorts at your reply.

“Really? But I am friends with you. Does that still mean I have bad taste?” He says cheekily and places his head on his hands which were placed on the table. Looking up at you he brings his hands up and pokes your cheek softly.

“That’s not what I meant! You know that!” You yell at him but soon a small smile comes up on your lips when you feel his fingers poking your cheek continuously.

“Your words, not mine but, let’s leave it like that. I came here to ask you something else..” Eric says that as he sits up properly while fixing his now messy hair.

You stop your hands from crocheting as you push Eric's hands away from his hair when you realise that he is just making them more messy than they already were.

“Your eyes are pretty..” Eric whispers softly. You momentarily stop fixing his hair, as you stare into his eyes for a moment, only to cough to hide your embarrassment.

“Stop that..” you say shyly as you fix his last strand of hair and move away from him to keep some gap between you two which you had closed without neither of you guys realising.

“Stop what? And you coughed on my face, thank you very much.” He says sarcastically as he grabs your handkerchief to wipe his face jokingly.

“Whatever,” you mumble as you snatch your handkerchief from his hand and go back to crocheting. “What did you want to talk about anyways?” You mumble as you again fix your gaze on the frog (which had these huge ass eyes and looked more like a demonic creature hence, the name.) you were crocheting again.

“I was wondering, since we’re free after our jury today and the sem is over now.. We would mostly be free, right?” He asks cautiously as he takes away your frog and places it on the table to have your full attention on him.

“Where are you going with this?” You ask in complete confusion when Eric takes ahold of your hand in his and places them on his lap making you face him.

“Promise that you won’t back out once I tell you about the plan.” He says while putting his pinky finger in front of you, urging you to lock yours with his as a way to keep the promise tact.

You stare at him and then at his finger for a moment before letting out a small sigh at his childish behaviour. “Fine, promise. Now tell me..” you say with a small grin when he breaks the fingers apart but still having a hold of your other hand in his large ones.

“We have a sealed deal, okay? This gesture means that I can break your finger if you don’t stay true to your word and break our promise!” He says while pointing his finger at you. You only smile at him and nod your head when he boops your nose with his finger.

“Everyone was planning to go to the amusement park tomorrow in the evening…I was wondering if you wanted to join us? Wait- no I want you to join us.” You stare at Eric when he says that.

You didn’t hate going out per se, but you would rather just stay at home on the last day of the sem,catch up on your lost sleep and the dramas—be a couch potato in general.

You had a lot more time to have fun with your peers and friends the day after. You just needed some alone time away from everything and just focus on yourself.

Before you could even back down you remembered how you had promised Eric to not back out of whatever he was about to ask.

“For how long?” You ask him as you stand up and grab your stuff to exit the cafeteria with Eric by your side.

“Just for a few hours. We were planning on going to the new restaurant which had opened up but if you get too exhausted we can just go over to your place and order some food. I know how you get when you’re exhausted..” he says with a smile as he grabs most of your stuff and carries them for you instead of you having to ask him to do so.

You smile at his gesture knowing how he would always step in first to help you out even when they’re just small things.

You liked how he was always so observant and not full of himself unlike some people you knew in the past.

It’s the little things he does which makes your heart beat grow faster. It makes you feel like you just came back from running somewhere or as if you dashed through the hallways to reach your class on time.

It’s as if your heart starts pounding whenever he is closer. You sometimes wonder if you can hide your feelings well or not. Because even from afar, he looks so…surreal. The only thing that comes to mind when your eyes meet his is ‘oh my gosh, his eyes are so pretty’. You do wish to drown in those deep eyes, sometimes.

If staring at him for the whole day was a paid job you’d probably be a billionaire by now because of how much you stare at him.

“Maybe we can go to the nearby club when I am more free? Just the two of us are fine.” You tell him as you grab your books from his hands and enter your class, not waiting back to hear his reply knowing he was just going to agree with what you just said.

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Standing beside Eric you look around in awe amazed by the different kinds of rides in the park.

You notice Eric walking away for a moment saying he wanted to buy something urgently so you paid him no mind and just gave a small nod at him acknowledging his words.

you were so immersed by everything that you failed to notice his return. He came back, holding two cotton candies in his hands.

“Here.” You hear his voice beside you.

Looking at him your eyes gleam with happiness when you take notice of the pink coloured sugary sweet in his hand which he was offering to you.

“Thanks!” You say happiness evident in your voice and your features as you take a few bites out of the cotton candy.

“Woah, can we ride that?!” You shout in excitement as you grab Eric’s hand and pull him towards the queue to buy the tickets for the ride.

You look back at Eric when you see him just standing behind you with a straight face, no expression adorning his facial features as he smiles at you nervously when he notices your excited gaze looking back at him.

“What’s wrong?” You ask once you notice his nervousness.

“Are you sure…you want to ride that?” He asks while scratching the back of his neck while trying to look anywhere but you.

He could feel his cheeks heating up in embarrassment knowing he’s just ratting himself out by trying to avoid getting on the ride.

“Yes! I have always wanted to try this out with someone!” You say with excitement as you wave his hands around trying to convince him to get on the ride with you.

“Since you’re insisting and begging so much…I might as well get on the ride with you. Don’t worry, you can hold onto my hand if you get scared!” He says with fake enthusiasm (and probably even gaslighting himself into believing that he would be fine on the ride) as he grabs your hand and drags you towards the ticket counter. “Ticket for two please.” He requests the cashier.

“We don’t have to ride it if you’re scared or something..” you reassure him when he starts walking towards the first seat of the ride.

“No, I want to. I told you I am there to protect you, didn’t I?” He bluffs as he lets you settle down in the ride before getting in right after you.

After helping you fasten your seat belt,he looks around the area in wonder when he feels the ride moving slowly.

He could feel his palms getting sweaty with fear and nervousness when the ride started moving, but he tried his best to stay calm and collected.

Closing his eyes he pays attention to the sounds going on and off through his ears as he tries to drown them out when he feels your warm hands embracing his sweaty, colder ones.

Peeking through his right eye he could see you looking ahead with excitement when the ride came at the most exciting part.

“Can…can you hold my hand?” You hear his small voice squeak through his throat as he holds out his hand for you to hold it.

“And you said you were the one to protect me.” You tease as you immediately grab his hand in a tight grip to help him calm down.

“Woah okay…” you turn your head and look at Eric’s flushed face as you rub your thumb against the back of his hand in a way to give him some comfort. “Why is this going so sl-” before he could complete his sentence a loud scream escapes his lips as he pulls you closer to him with great force.

Letting out a scream you look ahead of you as you feel your heart thump in fear that’s what you hoped so when Eric clutched your hand tightly while pulling you closer.

You could feel his breath fanning your face making you shiver. Closing your eyes you look away from his face as you look around the view when the ride starts to slow down.

Loosening your hand which was gripping onto Eric’s, you slowly let go of it as you immediately undo your seatbelt and get out of the ride when the ride comes to a complete stop.

“Oh..let’s go to a restaurant or somewhere..” you mumble tiredly as you start walking away from him. Too embarrassed and shy to look at Eric’s face.

“Aren’t you tired though?” Eric mumbles once he catches up to you. Gripping onto your hand he takes hold of your purse so that you can walk more freely.

“You don’t have to do that..” you say softly as you try to take your purse back from him only for him to gently push your hand away in reassurance.

“It’s fine. I can handle that.” He says as he pulls you closer by your waist and leads the way to his car. “Oh…is this the frog you were crocheting?” He mumbles once his eyes catch the small crocheted item made by you.

Keeping it in the backseat, he helps you put your seatbelt on. “Let’s head back over to my house. You already look exhausted with all the activities you did.”

You look over at him when he says that. He really does pay attention to the small details related to you. “I thought you wanted to go out and have some dinner with the guys?” You say softly while eyeing his side profile.

His lips which always looked so kissable, you admit to yourself that there were times when you had thought about kissing Eric but he does not have to know that, now does he?

“Hmm no it’s fine. I would rather spend the night with you than listen to them talking about some stupid things.” He says with a chuckle as he gives your hand a light squeeze in reassurance. “Oh by the way, can I have the frog you crocheted?” Eric asks once he had stopped laughing.

Looking at you for a split second, his eyes travel down to your lips for a split second only for them to divert back to your eyes.

“Why would you want that?” You question back, your brows furrowing in confusion as you grab your purse from the backseat and stare at the crocheted frog which was handing on the chain.

You didn’t exactly like it because it was not your best piece, you were still learning and you just crocheted for fun and to help you with stress.

You made the frog crochet into a keychain because you did not want to throw it away despite it not being the best thing you made.

“I like it, it’s cute!” He says with a smile on his face. His cheekbones rising up making his cheeks look puffy (in a cute way of course).

“It’s so not cute, Eric..” you say with a sigh as you shake your head at his silliness when he whines at your answer.

“Why can’t I just have it? I like everything you crochet..” he replies back once the car comes to a halt at the red light. “Come on, let me have it. I will treasure it the same way I treasure you..” he says softly as he places his hand on your thigh to convince you.

Looking up at him you break eye contact almost instantly when you notice him staring at you intensely, “Look at me..” he whines as he places his hands on your cheeks and makes you stare at him. Squishing your cheeks together he lets out a small laugh while looking at your lips which were in an ‘o’ shape. “Give me the frog please.” He pleads while batting his eyes together in a fast motion to try and convince you (well hopefully).

You could feel your heart beating at a fast pace again. If you could, you would just kiss him but that’d be too reckless of you, no? Snapping out of your thoughts you clear your throat and speak up.

“I can make one for you especially..” you say, your words coming out a bit jumbled because of your cheeks getting squeezed together.

“You can?” Eric asks softly as he slowly pulls away from you and turns ahead when the light turns green.

“Of course, since you so badly want the frog I can just make something else for you. Something better..” you say with a nod as you keep your bag in the backseat again.

“But I would still be happy if you gave me the frog crochet..” he replies in a sing-song voice as he turns on the radio to play some songs.

You sigh when he says that, there’s no winning against Eric when it comes to something he wants. You knew how stubborn the latter was. Youjust couldn't argue with him, especially with those eyes of his, which would always sparkle when talking with you (it might be your delusion speaking, but you always saw his eyes sparkle when talking with you and you only).

You smile in delight when Eric plays Best Years by 5sos. He still remembers your favourite artist. He was also the one who accompanied you to the concerts and saw you going crazy, so it was kind of an unforgettable experience.

You sigh in satisfaction as you look out the window in content while humming and singing along to the lyrics of the song while Eric drives the car.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Entering the house you place your bag on the counter table as you go in the washroom to wash up.

Knowing Eric, he might already be ordering some food so that was least of your worries. The guy knew your favourite food all too well.

Turning on the shower you wait for the water to get hot as you strip off your clothes.

Once it is lukewarm, you enter the shower as thoughts start to occupy your mind.

Did you really like Eric? Or was your heart just not functioning properly? And….and those butterflies wandering in your stomach when he does or remembers something you like. Oh gosh! You never felt this way for any guy before, that’s for sure.

You and Eric are like the polar opposites, everyone knows that. They still wonder how you and Eric are still together as friends knowing how the other guy is.

You were someone who always preferred your own space, you liked being in your own shell and just being lost in your thoughts.

Eric was the opposite! He was always outgoing, just like everyone calls him the social butterfly and boy was he true to that name given to him.

He could instantly make anyone comfortable with him be it a small kid, an adult or someone older than him. He had that kind of charm in him.

Getting the bottle of shampoo which Eric had you start washing your hair with it as you think back to the time when Eric had approached you.

Flashback

Sitting at the back of your stats class, you try your best to pay attention to what the professor was saying but it was not that easy.

The headache you were having since the morning was getting worse, now it was truly your fault for going to a club with your friends on a Sunday night knowing you had early classes the very next day.

But what could you do when you just wanted a few drinks to get your mind of all the stress the major you were majoring in was giving you?

To put it simply, it’s not easy being a psychology major. The amount of assignments which are piling on your desk at the dorm and at your house along with all the essays you have yet to turn in.

No matter how many times you stay up all night the work just keeps on increasing, as if you broke the stop button.

So when your friends offered you to tag along with them to the nearby club for a few drinks how could you even turn them down? So of course you went along with them and had a little bit too much.

Massaging your temples with your eyes closed you try your best to think of something else. Anything to distract yourself from the massive headache you were having.

“Here, take some painkillers.” You hear a voice say from beside you. Turning your head around you could feel your voice getting stuck in your throat when you see the man sitting beside you.

Messy blond hair, he had decent casual clothes on. A pair of a hoodie with a cap on top of his head which was now in his hands since he was trying to fix his strands of hair which were getting in his eyes.

“Let me help you.” You say softly as you lean closer towards him and help him fix his hair.

You don't even know where you got this confidence from but it’s as if your hands moved on its own before you could even comprehend what you were about to do.

Leaning closer to his face you fix his hair as your eyes stay focused on his hair. You try your best to not look anywhere else but the oversized hoodie was revealing his collarbones and you were oh so tempted to check him out but you stopped yourself.

“You have pretty eyes.” You hear him say. You did not even know his name and you were already blushing at something a stranger said to you? How could he have such a huge impact on you so quickly was beyond your imagination.

“Oh thanks haha.” You say with a shy voice as you move away from him before you do something you’d regret (example: kiss him).

“Oh here. Take it.” He says once you move away from him. Sliding the pills to you he grabs your bottle of water which was beside him and opens it up for you.

“How did you know I was having a headache? I don’t think we've ever met each other before.” You question him while taking a pill in your hand.

“Oh well we have a few mutual friends but we never talked with each other before. I was at the club yesterday and noticed you.” He explains himself while grabbing a random paper which was lying beside him to doodle on it.

“Ah I see..thanks for the medicine…?” You furrow your brows when you realise that he never introduced himself to you.

“Oh! It’s Eric but you can call me anything you’d like. Maybe…yours?” He says with a flirty and cheeky smile adorning his oh so handsome face. Standing up from the chair he gets ready to leave the classroom only to turn around to look at you again. “See you around..” he waits for you to complete the sentence.

“Y/N,” you say with a small smile. Scrunching up your nose, you close your eyes when he pats your head with his hand.

“See you around, Y/N.” Eric says as he starts walking away.

Flashback end

Turning off the shower you leave the washroom with a bathrobe wrapped around your body.

Opening up the closet of Eric’s you look through his clothes when your eyes catch the black hoodie off his. The same one he was wearing on the day you both met for the first time.

Grabbing the hoodie you slip into the clothes as you start drying your hair with the towel Eric had kept for you.

“Wait, let me help you.” You hear Eric’s voice say as soon as he walks in the room.

You look at him through the mirror as he helps you in drying your hair with the towel.

“You’re wearing that hoodie.” Eric says with a grin as he grabs the comb to untangle your hair.

“It’s comfortable..” you mumble with a small smile on your lips.

—x—

Sitting on the couch, you take a bite out of your pizza slice as you turn on the TV to watch the series.

From the corner of your eyes you notice Eric taking out a packet of ramen making you let out a groan in annoyance at his behaviour, “Why can't you just eat some of the food which is served right here instead of making some noodles which you inhale almost everyday?” You question him once you have swallowed your food.

Eric just shakes his head as he smiles at you sheepishly. You knew winning against him was useless since he won’t listen to you either ways so you just let him be and continue eating your food while sipping from your can of coke (very original 🙄).

Giving him a slice of pizza which was in your hand you rest your body against the armrest of the couch as you place your legs on his lap so that you can be more comfortable and relaxed.

Heaving out a sigh you look at the TV screen when a question pops into your mind. You give Eric a look as you notice how his whole attention was on the TV.

You always wondered why that man was never dating anyone when so many girls out there were quite literally dying for him. Even the slightest bit of attention given by that man to them made them feel accomplished.

Well technically in their eyes you were the one person who has accomplished their dream. Which was too close with Eric and well…you might be the only girl who would get his whole attention whenever you want it.

The man would quite literally drop whatever he was doing just so he could talk with you. That was also the reason why everyone used to call him a simp and a lovesick puppy for running around everywhere just to be with you.

“Why are you not dating anyone?” You ask suddenly while staring at Eric’s side profile. You widen your eyes when Eric starts coughing while holding his chest.

Immediately sitting straight you grab the glass of water which Eric had brought along with him. Standing up you walk beside him in hurry as you help him drink the water while rubbing his back soothingly hoping it’d help him calm down.

“Feeling better?” You asked nervously once Eric had stopped coughing. Once he gives a slight nod to your question you sign in relief as you go and take a seat beside him.

Taking a seat you grab ahold of Eric’s hand while massaging them gently.

“Why did you ask that question so suddenly?” Eric mumbles as he takes a big gulp of water while trying to control his breathing.

You just simply shrug at his question as you look away from him, anywhere but him. You did not have it in you to look him in the eye after asking such an absurd question.

“I was..I don’t know. Curious maybe?” You say in a hushed tone as you slowly bring your gaze back at him. If someone saw you right now, they’d think you dreamt about something scary because of the way your eyes were shaking. “I mean don’t get me wrong! It’s just that…everyone wants you as their boyfriend but you never pay attention to them. Why’s that?” You question him slowly.

“Do you want me to be your boyfriend?” Eric asks softly as he fully turns his body towards you to face you.

You could feel yourself choke at his choice of words as you immediately let out a nervous laugh when he says that.

“What are you talking about? I am serious Eric…” you say with a shy chuckle as you slap his shoulder gently. Trying to play it off coolly.

“Well then what about you then? A lot of guys I know like you, they even asked you out but you always turned them down. Why’s that?” He asks the question with his brows raised, waiting for you to answer his question.

You look down at the ground in wonder. Why did you turn them down? It’s not like you were waiting for someone else or were you? You immediately shake your head when you realise how Eric was avoiding your questions.

“Don’t change the subject!” You say with a glare as you flick his forehead gently.

You smile softly when he acts as if the flick hurted him knowing damn well that he was just acting to tease you.

“Do you just not see it?” Eric says while rubbing the back off his neck shyly.

You stare at him in confusion when he says that.Notice what? The way he pouts whenever he’s eating something he likes? Or the amount of tattoos he has on his body? Or maybe the fact that he's always having the same heart eyes when talking with you? Well of course you would ignore the last bit! But he doesn’t have to know that, now does he?

You just shake your head at his question, waiting for him to make himself clear so that you can assure yourself that whatever your hunch was telling you was in fact correct! “I like you silly..” Eric finally says with a small airy chuckle leaving his lips.

He moves closer towards you so that he can pull you closer, “I have never paid this much attention to someone before but you. It’s like…I am magnetised whenever I am with you. I cannot feel myself wanting to leave your side whenever we both are together. I always try to play it cool when it comes to you but I just seem to fail at that. Everyone knows that but you..everything about you sticks to my heart. It’s like…it’s something I cannot express in words.” He says softly while pulling you closer.

All you could ever think about at that moment was, ‘Oh my god?’ You couldn’t get yourself to believe it when Eric brought himself closer towards you, you immediately snapped out of your thoughts.

“Is it fine…if I?” You give him a small nod when he asks that.

And there it is, the spark you always felt whenever he did something oh so small but it always somehow made you feel special.

The way he gently grabbed a hold of your chin slowly moving to the back of your neck while his other hand gripped onto your waist, squeezing it lightly he pulled you closer while moving his lips in sync with yours.

You could feel yourself shiver at his feather light touches, especially when his hands started to travel up towards your spine. The lingering sensation stayed there even when his hand was already engulfing in your hair.

You immediately entangle your hands in his hair while kissing him to deepen the kiss.

—x—

You wrap your arms around Eric as you pull him closer towards you. You never thought you’d ever be cuddling with Eric like this.

I mean you never thought of Eric as someone who’d enjoy being the one being cuddled but looking at the man right now you could tell that he was enjoying this more than anyone.

You slowly snuggle closer to Eric as you listen to his calm breathing. You never thought that this day would come but here you are, laying on the same bed with Eric Sohn, cuddling together.

To say the least, you were content with what you had at the moment. This is all you could ask for.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Entering the auditorium you sigh in embarrassment when you see Eric, Sunwoo and Haknyeon playing around with the props which were lying on the stage.

It’s been a few months since you both made your relationship official. Everyone around you was obviously more than delighted to hear it, I mean the lovesick boy's love was finally accepted by you.

And ever since you guys made the relationship official, of course you guys were named for being the cutest couple and for making the singles in the group more single than ever because of how you and Eric flirt all the time when together.

You walk towards them with your hands behind your back as you let out a chuckle when Eric falls on the ground dramatically.

“Et tu, Brute? Wait no…Et tu, Sunwoo?” Eric says with hurt as he looks up at Sunwoo who was holding the sword in his hand with a crazy smile on his face.

You widen your eyes when Haknyeon pours some water on the floor as a way to depict the blood shed by Sunwoo.

You notice how Chanhee, who was sitting on the edge of the stage, starts hiding his face because of his friends behaviour.

You just go and take a seat beside him while you wait for Eric to take a notice of your presence.

You were about to open your mouth to speak with Chanhee when a loud voice beams through the whole auditorium making you laugh, “Y/N!” You immediately stand up from your seat and open your arms, waiting for Eric to hug you like always.

“When did you get here, sweetheart?” Eric mumbles, his face being placed on the crook of your neck as he melts in your warm embrace.

“Just now while you were imitating about being stabbed. I was about to talk with Chanhee when a certain someone came running here.” You say with a teasing smile.

You laugh when Eric glares at Chanhee playfully before holding you closer, “Mine!” Eric says to Chanhee before sticking his tongue out at him.

Chanhee just sighs and nods at the younger’s behaviour as he stands up from the seat to walk away from you both.

“Where are you going?” Eric questions in confusion when Chanhee starts walking away towards Sunwoo and Haknyeon who were, well…throwing water at each other.

“Not interested in looking at you both being all lovey dovey in front of me!” Chanhee shouts back as he gets on the stage which was a great mistake because he apparently became the boy's next target.

“You’re just jealous because you don’t have a girlfriend like Y/N!” Eric teases and laughs loudly when Chanhee throws a middle finger at him while trying to save himself from the two boys.

Diverting his attention back to you he offers you a smile as he takes your hand in his while walking towards the exit door only to stop when you start looking through your bag.

“Here..” you take out a small crocheted keychain which was of a flower. It was abit tiny in size but it’s something Eric would cherish so you were more than happy to make something so special for him.

“For me?” He asks in astonishment while gently taking it from your hand. Scared it might fall apart if he grabs it aggressively.

“Sweetheart, it’s beautiful.” He mumbles while immediately attaching the keychain on his bag.

“You like it?” You ask with happiness. You were glad he liked the item you crocheted. When he gives you a nod you immediately hug him tightly. “I am glad you do! I was gonna crochet something else but then it turned out to be Sunwoo in evil form so I discarded it.” You say with a smile as you pull away from him.

Eric laughs at your choice of words while holding your hand tightly in his grip.

“Want to get some ice cream?” He asked once you were out of the auditorium.

Seeing you nod enthusiastically, he immediately starts dragging you towards his car.

Well as they say, opposites do attract and you were glad you found Eric. He was kind of like your other half, you never thought or even dreamt about this moment but here you were, going on an ice cream date with your boyfriend.

[kaigarax]

Abatina Petals

Tengen Uzui x Reader

Quote: “Fall in love with someone because you know it won’t last forever.”

Now

“Have you ever been in love, (Y/n)?” Asked Mitsuri.

Tengen looks up from his seat. You and Mitsuri sat at a table by the window, a cup of tea in front of each of you. A bouquet of yellow abatinas sits in a vase, colouring the grey room. Tegen has always perfed more traditional flowers like Wisteria or Sakura but he isn’t one to judge.

It wasn’t often that pillars met up but they did happen to bump into each other every once in a while. Tegen had just finished a mission and was taking a brief break to write letters to his wives when you and Misturi stumbled in.

The two of you must have had missions in this area too.

“Love, huh?” You speak the word as if it's a foreign word that you’ve just heard for the first time. As though it’s something you’ve never thought of before. You lean back in your seat, your eyes meeting with Tengen’s briefly, before replying, “briefly.”

Mitsuri tilts her head to the side, “briefly?”

“Yeah,” you smile fondly, “I have quite the fickle heart after all. Isn’t that right, Tengen?”

The sound pillar suddenly feels frozen to the spot as Mitsuir turns to look at him. Her eyes are large and curious. Your eyes, on the other hand, look amused. As if you’ve been expecting something like this to happen.

A fickle heart. The very words he onced used when describing you once.

Back then you hadn’t taken the words nearly as well as you did now. Tegen supposes that’s how you’ve always been. Ever the most unpredictable one in the room.

Tengen shrugs, “I guess your feelings are rather unpredictable.”

“Really?” Mitsuri beams, “I feel like (Y/n) is the total opposite. She’s always so composed and calm.”

You smile, “thanks, Mitsuri!”

There’s a strange pang in Tengen’s chest and it makes him feel abnormally childish. His clothes feel weird and they don’t fit as smoothly as what he wore before. His arms and legs are almost sluggish, as if he’s been taken out of his own body and placed into that of another’s.

It was a special skill of yours, making him feel this way.

Huh.

When was the last time you’d managed to make him feel this way?

---

Last Time

“Wow! You’ve really grown, Tengen!” you smiled brightly, approaching the Breath of Sound user, “or maybe I should say Uzui. You’re a married man now, afterall.”

How can you smile like that so easily?

Guess he was right.

You really are like Abatinas.

“How are you, (Y/n)?” Tengen asks, his voice soft.

“Me, huh?” you make a gesture of scratching your chin as if you’re debating the answer. Tengen feels a small smile begin to form on his face. He knows you already have an answer. You always do. You just happen to like making a show of things for others.

“Well, I don’t see anyone else here named (Y/n).” Tengen replied.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Positive.”

You lean in towards him, too close for strangers but not close enough to elicit a scandal but just barely close enough for someone to see that there might be something more. There’s that look in your eyes that’s always made Tengen’s treacherous heart flutter. And oh, how he hates that feeling.

Eventually, you answer, “I’m doing as well as I can. How are you doing, Uzui?”

Tengen frowns, “you know, just because I’m married doesn't mean you can’t use my name.”

“Well,” you laugh, “if you insist, Tengen.”

His heart pangs and he absolutely abhors it.

Will you always have this sort of effect on him? Will it ever fade away or disappear? He supposes he’s given away too much of himself. Little by little and piece by piece. Tengen wonders if things would be different if only he hadn’t realised it after you.

He’s always been told that rather ‘late’ than ‘never’ but ‘late’ seems to bring nothing but pain and sadness. And Tengen, being the ever kind and gentle soul that he is, would rather have that sadness only kept within himself. Afterall, there is nothing to be gained but sadness and suffering.

---

After

“What are you looking at?” Tengen asks, taking a seat beside you.

You smile, “at something I’ll never have.”

“And what is it that you don’t have?”

Your eyes twinkle and unspoken words are shared. Neither of you are willing to say them; neither of you are willing to share; but both of you know the unshared message between you. Truthfully, Tengen wonders if your feelings have changed. He had once been so certain about you. About your feelings, thoughts and opinions yet he finds himself nothing more than a stranger as he stares at you.

“Are you excited?” You ask, breaking the silence.

Tengen shrugs, “it’s what my father wants.”

“You’re a good son.”

“You and my father have differing opinions on that fact.”

“And is that a good thing?”

Tengen smiles, “definitely.”

You chuckle a little before leaving back. Tengen feels his stomach flutter. This is what he’s always loved. You always seem to know the right times of when to be soft and playful or serious and cold. Not like him.

There’s a loose strand of hair on your face and he leans in. You catch his hand mid air.

“I…” Tengen turns away, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” The two of you sit awkwardly. Eventually you nudge him, “here,” holding the yellow flower out to him.

Tengen tried his best to smile, “Oh, thanks. These are Abatinas, right?”

You nod, “I noticed that they always seem to catch your eye.”

“That’s because they remind me of you,” said Tengen suddenly.

“Oh,” you flush, surprised. Heck, even he’s surprised at those words. Never once did he imagine saying something as intimate like that to you. The words almost feel foreign. You’re quick to recollect yourself as your surprised expression is replaced with a well practiced smile, “even more of a reason to give them to you. Remember me when I’m not here.”

And he absolutely will.

A part of him wants to pull you close towards him. He’s going to be married soon but he so desperately wants to tell you that he’d rather be marrying you then someone he doesn't know. That he’s always thought about you, even when you’re not here. Especially when you’re not here.

But he doesn't.

It’s not his place. It’s not his right.

Instead, Tengen watches as you turn around and walk away. You back disappearing into the distance.

Oh how he wishes to chase after you. Would you smile? Would you laugh and tell him that your feelings never changed?

Tengen would never know. But how could he? Afterall, he was the one who turned you down back then.

---

Then

“Tengen!” You beam brightly as you make your way towards him.

Tengen, who had been lazing around, felt a smile form on his face. That smile though is quick to disappear as the memory of his last encounter with you comes to mind.

“What’s wrong?” you ask.

“I guess I’m just wondering.”

“About what?”

He flushes, “you.”

“Oh?” You raise a brow, your interest sparked, “what about me.”

“How you feel about me.” admits Tengen.

“Well, that’s something I can help you with.”

“Is it?”

“Of course. I like you, Tengen.” you’re smiling with that smile that he’s certain many hearts have already fallen victim to and your eyes are twinkling in the way that always makes his heart flutter.

“I like you, too.” he replies, though he isn’t certain of exactly what he said. The blood pounding into his head is too loud and he’s suddenly dizzy.

“No,” you take his hands into your own, “I like, like you.”

And he finds himself at a loss for words.

He wants to say yes. Truly. But you’re much too like Abatinas. Much too distant and ever changing for him to allow his heart to settle.

At one point in your lives, Tengen felt as though he knew you. Felt as though there was a part of you and him that were the same. The two of you had gone through similar experiences as children and become such samilair people as adults. But the image of you in his mind was but an image. Nothing but an imagined version of the person he thought you were.

He wants to smile.

He wants to take your hand in his own.

He wants to be with you.

But he can’t. He won’t ever allow himself to.

“(L/n),” Tengen turns away from you, “please don’t say things you don’t mean. Your heart is light and you shouldn’t be bound to someone like me.”

“My heart is light? I’m insincere?” you ask, your eyes staring deeply into his own.

Tengen nods, removing his hands from your own.

He can’t see your expression but he imagines its a sad one. An expression he’s all too familiar with yet has never seen on your face before.

Perhaps if this had been before, his answer might have been different.

---

Before

After just finishing a mission, Tengen found himself wanting nothing more than to fall asleep. Who would have thought that becoming a demon slayer would be just as hard as being a ninja? Certainly not him.

His father would likely laugh at him.

This was not the path Tegen had chosen for himself. A shining beacon of his rebellion and if he were to back out now he would likely never hear the end of it.

“Oh, really?” someone’s voice rumbles through the walls. It isn’t someone Tengen is familiar with.

“Of course.” another voice responds. His heart flutters at that.

It’s you.

His previous exhaustion seems to have suddenly been extinguished. His heart is now pounding and his head feels lighter than it has in ages.

“(Y/n)!” Tengen exclaims, opening the door.

“Oh, hi Tengen.” you say. Your eyes don’t meet with his own.

“Oh, who’s this, (Y/n)?” asks the man beside you.

You beam brightly at him, “he’s a friend from the demon slayer corps.”

“Really? I can tell!” the man beside you leans in close towards you and whispers into your ear, “he’s very buff.”

“What are the two of you doing?” Tengen asks, feeling a bout of embarrassment.

“Oh, we were just looking around for the kitchen. This lad over here promised me he’d teach me how to cook Takoyaki!” You explained.

Tengen feels a lump in his throat as he asks, “can I come?”

You shrug, “I suppose if you want to.”

“Of course you can come.” replies the man beside you.

You give the man a smile.

It isn’t your dismissive words that send a pang through Tengen’s chest. He’s never been overly sensitive to what people have said and their moods. It’s the way you smile at the man. It’s the same smile you had given to him back then. It’s the same smile he thought reserved strictly for himself.

“Actually, you know what, I think I’m going to try and sleep.” Tengen retreats back into the room, “I just finished a mission after all.”

“Okay.” you answer.

Tengen finds it quite suitable that you carry around Abatinas. You’re quite like them, after all.

---

Back

“Have you ever taken a leap of faith?” You ask, leaning towards Tengen, a bored expression on your face.

Tengen chuckles, “no, I can’t say I have.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“That can’t be true!”

“Why not?”

“Because you fit the persona of a rebellious teenager much too well! And every rebellious teenager has done something requiring faith.”

“Faith?”

“In other people.”

Tengen laughs, “and what does Faith have to do with rebellious teenagers?”

“Isn’t it obvious? Because rebellious teeangers are attempting to break away from their parents they suddenly find themselves in a strange position. Positions where they need to rely on other people if they hope to succeed.” You explain, “and success in a new environment isn’t possible if you don’t have other people you can rely on.”

“And I suppose you know this because you’ve relied on people before?”

“No actually. I’ve always followed the path my father laid out for me.”

“Well, aren’t you a good kid?”

“Apparently~”

“Say, why do you carry Abatinas around?” asked Tengen.

You smiled, “because I think they’re pretty.”

“Is that all?”

“Do I need another reason why?”

“No,” Tengen’s heart fluttered as his eyes met with yours, “I guess not.”

---

Now

“Have you ever been in love, Tengen?” Mitsuir asked.

“Of course.” replies Tengen.

“Really!” The love pillar’s eyes gleam with interest, “how did it end?”

“Horribly sad.”

“Why?”

“Because it wasn’t meant to last forever.”

“Would you choose to love them again if you had the choice?” You ask.

And now it’s Tengen’s turn to have a knowing smile, “of course.”

You smile back.

There isn’t the same expressive gleam that the two of you share anymore. There’s no longer a spark. But that’s okay.

Does your heart ever still flutter the same way he did? The same way he does?

He supposes he’ll never know.

Fall in love with someone because you know it won’t last forever.

[celestialanon]

Your Guardian Angel

(Angel) Mammon x (gn) Mc

I hope you enjoy this one, dear readers!

You had spent most of your day working at your part time job. They had called you in early, so it was a full shift this time. You had been daydreaming the whole time of when you could finally get home, fall into your bed face first.

It all seemed so lovely in your head, you had your whole night planned out for personal care and relaxation. What you didn't expect to happen, was for all those plans to be washed down the drain when you got home, coming face to face with someone you surely have never seen before.

It took you a second to process someone was there, standing in the middle of your room unannounced. When it did finally get through your brain, your eyes went wide and your first instinct was to scream. You just about almost did when said being hurriedly placed a hand over your mouth, effectively silencing you in your terror.

"H-Hey, none of that! There's no reason to be screamin! I'm not a bad guy, I swear!" You could feel your heart rate pick up at his words, breathing roughly through your nose as he tried to shush you. Your eyes wandered frantically over his figure, blinking in shock at what you were seeing.

He was close to ethereal, he was quite beautiful. You paused your struggling to get a good look at him. His hold against your mouth began to loosen when he realized you had stopped fighting back. You stood in awe, you could have believed you were dreaming.

It was like his skin was glowing, beautiful and bright. It's the only way you could describe it. He had these wings that just...

"W-what- Who are you?" Your voice trembled, not purely out of fear but of confusion. For some reason, his presence held more comfort rather than anything negative, and it was all confusing given the circumstances. He had a cheeky smile plastered on his face, the back of his hand traced over your forehead and down to your cheekbones. It gave a warmth you were unable to describe.

"Heh- I'm the great Mammon. Sent here by father himself." You've heard that name- somewhere. Or maybe you haven't, you're not too sure. Your mind was still playing catch up with what was currently happening.

"Don't be afraid. I came all the way down here for ya,  you should be grateful!" His voice didn't match his appearance, it was loud and harsh. Yet, his touches were soft and sweet. You gawked at him as his fingers traced your chin, finally leaving your face to rest at his hips.

"W-What is that supposed to mean? You know how this looks right? I come home, ready to just go to sleep early for once and- and there's a man in my room!" You argued, and he clicked his tongue at you. You crossed your arms back at him, the feeling of pettiness bubbling in you at his attitude.

"Ungrateful human, is that any way to talk to your guardian Angel!" Your what now? Your eyebrows rose at him in disbelief. Everything you have ever known in life to be possible, everything you wondered existed. You've come home to find none other than your guardian Angel standing in the middle of your room....

"... Wow, I need to go to bed." You huffed out, moving past him to place your lunchbox beside your bed. This Mammon guy gasped at your reaction, you wanted to laugh really, laugh and tell him to get out of your house. So why didn't you?

“Hey! Don’t ignore me human! This is like, a big big deal! I’m supposed to protect and guide ya and stuff! That’s what the big man said!” You couldn’t take anymore of this, and muffled the sounds of him with your pillow. Maybe if you try hard enough, you’ll wake up from this dream.

That was your first time meeting him.

It had become a daily occurrence to be greeted by his large grin every morning after. It was always the same, he sat at the edge of your bed, checking over his nails and fiddling with his fingers. The second he knew you were awake, he turned to you with a smile that could make anyone’s heart flutter.

“Finally awake? I warded off sooo many evil demons last night I tell ya! You wouldn’t believe!” You would just shake your head and laugh it off, but you always give him a kiss on the cheek and a small “thank you” after. He’ll always touch his cheek and blush at you, going on about how it was no big deal. Funny, he was the one who made it a big deal in the first place.

He hovered around you most places, apparently others couldn’t see him. You thought you might have looked silly talking to yourself at times. It could be annoying though, like currently. You had planned a trip to an arcade game night with a few friends, and the “Great Mammon” as he always reminds you decided to tag along.

Your eyes were fixated on the arcade machine in front of you, watching coins get pushed to the front. You seemed to have a good luck streak going, and were down to your last few game coins. Mammon watched closely beside you, eyeing your expression with a grin on his face.

“Be careful, don’t get greedy on me. Greed can be a dangerous thing and give ya a game over.” You swatted at his face to move away, your eyes rolling in slight annoyance. You looked at the machine again, thinking over his words and turning to him with furrowed brows.

“Think I should take my chances?” He thought for a second, his smile coming back and shrugging.

“Hell yeah, do it.” Needless to say, you ended with nothing. Greed really was dangerous. The night itself was a success though, and you happily started on your walk home with your angel beside you.

The street was dark, but the light that seemed to always emit from Mammon’s being illuminated the space around you. You still found it a bit funny now- and rather amazing, that he was there at all. You looked up at him with a curious expression that he mimicked to you with a tilt of his head.

“What’s up?” You smiled at his casual demeanor, shrugging as you stuffed your hands into the pockets of your sweater.

“Nothing. It’s just…. I don’t know. I think I’m starting to get used to it.”

“Used to what?”

“Used to you being here.” Peeking over at him, a shy blush appeared on his face as he took your words in. It all seemed so innocent. You wondered why you were so set on pushing him away in the first place.

“Yeah- well, ya better be gettin used to it! I’m gonna be here for a while!” Of course, he was your guardian angel after all. The thought of him leaving anytime soon now was a sort of…. sad.

“Yeah. I hope so.” You whisper to yourself, but he heard it. Loud and clear. The solemn look on your face made him feel something- something he’s not sure what to label.

With a small hum, he nudged his hand toward you in a question. You looked up to him, only to find him completely avoiding your gaze. You wanted to laugh, he could be very cute at times. But be careful there, don’t go falling for an angel.

You placed your hand in his, letting him guide you the rest of the way home. If anyone saw you holding the air, you’re sure it’d be a weird sight to see.

[egg-emperor]

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY Y'ALL????

Eggman isn't the overly physically affectionate gushing and throwing arms around people type, it doesn't suit his demeanor and behavior and I'm glad to see that hasn't been suddenly forced with Sage. And that's even aside the way she's still actually not a physical being in the way she's a digital program so he'd surely just phase through her anyway since I'm pretty sure there isn't a solid physical sense of touch actually going on here between them, but again that's besides the point anyway-

This isn't over the top and uncomfortable OOC like in fanon. I like how it's a subtle and small gesture, with him extending his arm with hand out to her but looking away and forward. He's quiet, solemn, and reserved. His demeanor and body language is very important. He takes a breath that seems like a "sigh well, here goes" kind of way then mumbles it, not much, just small words of praise towards her doing the very things he created and praised her for before- doing what he wants her to and serving her purpose as his protector like she protected him in the fight, and calling her his daughter also has the same effect in encouraging her and he knows it, as well as how it's appealing to him for his pride as he said in the memo.

Also wow his bear paws are so fucking big do you see what I'm saying god damn lol I wanna hold them so bad too ahhgufdbkgshj 🥰 Speaking of, this is literally exactly how I imagine such gestures with him in my self sh!pp!ng too and I think anything different would be OOC, this is the way that works in any form I think

It's very important to acknowledge that he's not shy at all, that's the last word to describe him. He has the highest self esteem, self love, and confidence and it's all genuine. It's just that hyper affectionate super warm and mushy gushy-ness, be it through feelings, words, or actions isn't his thing. The most he's ever going to hype someone up close to it is in a performative manipulative way to urge them to continue doing what pleases him, and he forces it in some cases more than others, you get varying degrees.

But I like how it's on the more subtle side here a lot because it's even more telling of his true character. When he's acting like this it aligns with that reasoning again but with a new look at his style of showing it in a physical subtle manner, with his behavior being similar to the scene where she saved him in Cyber Space and said he was proud of her for it- only it was only through words then. We've now seen how he can show this verbally and physically and I like it a lot, it's the only way this can work and they did it. This is the best outcome.

Let me elaborate further; I truly believe that he doesn't know how to feel the typical conventional idea of "love" for anyone but himself because he is the biggest egotist and narcissist in all of existence and is extremely selfish and y'all seem to be forgetting what that entails for his behavior and personality feelings, and mindset with his self absorption and low empathy. There are no sudden exceptions to this, Sage is literally just another perfect example of it, nothing has changed with him.

The only way he can value anyone that isn't himself is in what they can do for him, what's in it for him is always his mindset, so it's the same thing of self praising, self serving, and self-centered, just being served through another person appealing to that through serving him, agreeing with his outlook, and having a willingness to serve and good use to him. And guess what? That's still the exact reasoning behind it with Sage. This is known and true in the prequel comic, memos, and Flynn's words and hasn't changed.

And why wouldn't he be pleased with her for this and praise her for it when it goes along the exact lines of that?

It's in character because Sage is the one giving some thing to him, protecting him, serving him, and showing loyalty, support, and respect for his desires. She does exactly what he wants as she's created for and is genuinely willing and enthusiastic about it unlike a lot of other creations of his. Eggman still hasn't done shit for Sage except praise her when she does what he wants but then becomes grumpy and snaps at her every time she does something he doesn't.

In fact he does it again in this scene too where he's seemingly really jealous and pissed when he notices her looking at Super Sonic with admiration lol

It's selfish on Eggman's side and selfless on Sage's side, so it works.

That's why I still wouldn't put the word "love" to Eggman's side of the dynamic because I feel it has connotations that don't accurately define his feelings. Though you could at least say he "loves" and "cares" for her "in his… own way" as Sonic put it, because there's actually selfish and unsettling reasons behind it as Flynn himself put it too. But it's not hyper affectionate, unconditional, or genuinely selfless like people are acting like it is. And it's so much more interesting that way and fun to analyze.

Eggman commending Sage for her work and for serving her purpose makes sense and is in character. It's nothing different to the reasons I said the standard base game ending was. The only difference is a hand hold presented in the best way. He finally has a creation genuinely enthusiastic and willing to serve him and being her creator and father gives him a lot of pride for being the one to create her and make her that way and his success and pride in doing so with the ways she benefits him and values his selfish desires are what his value is factually rooted in in the game.

So overall yeah, I really like how Eggman and Sage and their dynamic were handled in this update. They'll probably be a lot more in depth thoughts to come because I'm short on time right now, this is a mini essay in itself but l have tons more like always lol. But for now, since nobody seems to understand my take on their dynamic despite me just relaying what the game itself showed and repeating what Ian Flynn says, let me just remind you of my actual summarized take on how I see it is and how I cleared up misconceptions people have about my take on it here.

And everything we saw in this update aligns with and doesn't contradict any of what I've perceived and analyzed and discussed throughout my Sonic Frontiers tag on my blog! Very pleased. 👏

[pepperochau]

hello everyone and good afternoon, my name is pepperochau and i am here to talk to you today about the one, the only, the futher mucker itself: dudunsparce. this will be a bit of the read, so follow the cut to see the rest!

majestic, is it not? personally i was not the biggest fan when it was revealed, but it has grown on me since then.

now, there is at current a very strong, loud refrain in the pokemon fandom that dudunsparce is a joke, and was always meant to be a joke. they say "people have wanted an epic dragon evolution for twenty years, and gamefreak has trolled them"; "dudunsparce is supposed to be a bad/lame/dumb design because it's a joke".

however! i disagree. i have been a lifelong fan of dunsparce, ever since i was a young malformed guttersnipe who thought it was a mythical pokemon, and i can safely say i've never wanted it to become a dragon. however, i also have never viewed it as a joke pokemon. so to hear people write off the design of dudunsparce as simply "a joke" has frustrated me to no end. so to you, reader, i would like to provide an explanation for why dudunsparce is what it is—a mess.

so, let's start at the beginning of the line with dunsparce.

many people will look at dunsparce's name and their mind immediately goes to dunce, sparce. and, fair enough, as it does look a bit dopey doesn't it? Other languages also give it names meaning "dumb" or "oafish" like the German Dummisel and the French Isolourdo respectively. now, I cant speak on how strong brand consistency was back in Gen 2, so maybe they were just aping off the same perception most English speakers had of the name. or it is possible that TPCi had always intended this interpretation. who is to say.

but there is a more obvious, widely overlooked aspect of its name: Dun. as in a subadult version of an insect, traditionally used when describing mayflies.

IN FACT this is such an underacknowledged aspect of its name that even on Bulbapedia, one of the most important secondary sources of information on pokemon next to serebii, i was hard pressed to find any mention of it at any point earlier than 2022, in an article revision that SIMILARLY went unnoted and uncommented on.

future editions of this article maintain both definitions of the word "dun".

but with this aspect of its name in mind, you'll notice that the rather un-tsuchinoko-like aspects of its design become more coherent, like its near-useless bug wings and stripey back. because its not just a snake with a fat tummy, but a fat bumblebee as well! wow!!! so cool!!!!!

now that this preamble is out of the way, we can finally move onto the mon of the hour: dudunsparce

pokedex entries for dudunsparce's 3-segment form mention that "the number of segments a Dudunsparce’s body has is determined by the Pokémon’s genes." at first glance it feels like a bit of a lore cop out for a formchange with no effect on gameplay. but remember how dunsparce has some partial insect inspiration? with this in mind, dudunsparce reveals itself to be, first and foremost, a reference to the Drosophila fruit fly's bithorax mutation:

as you can see, sometimes the genes for the termination of the thorax are copied accidentally, resulting in a copied thorax in the afflicted insect! and with "dun" meaning a subadult insect, we can reconceptualize dudunsparce from a simple joke, to a pokemon species whose inherent genetic mutations have kept it from reaching its true adult form! it even has the stripey butt that a fruit fly has!! so cool!!! a bit sad though, don't you think?

but there are still yet unexplored depths to the design of dudunsparce. for example: why does dudunsparce have a two-layered drill tail? why is there a random spiral on its first segment? well, allow me to introduce you to yet another muckerfuther: the cuélebre.

now i know what you may be thinking: this looks nothing like dudunsparce. and certainly, the resemblance is minimal. but allow me to share with you some mythological information about the cuélebre:

The cuélebre is a multi-winged serpent from Cantabrian and Asturian folklore, both of which are regions of modern-day spain.

The cuélebre's impervious scales grow thicker with age

The cuelebre's only weak spot is its throat

The cuelebre lives in deep caves

The cuelebre retreats to Mar Cuajada in old age, a place with diamonds covering the bottom

sound familiar? it should, because you will notice that dudunsparce mirrors all of these traits almost to a T:

Paldea is based on Spain, and Dudunsparce is a fat snake with multiple wings; or, a winged serpent.

Dudunsparce has much bulkier defensive stats than its preevolution Dunsparce (125/80/75 compared to 100/70/65), and has an extra hard "cap" layer on its tail

There is a seemingly random spiral pattern on the underside of Dudunsparce's first segment, or on its throat, regardless of form

Dudunsparce is mentioned by the pokedex to make sprawling nests in the bedrock, and is only find in the wild in Area Zero

The lowest point of Area Zero is covered in large, diamantine crystals

and for the people who still want dudunsparce to be a "joke": the cuélebre isn't even a very impressive dragon in itself: it hoards treasure and fairy women, and if you encounter it on the night of Midsummer, then you can kill it by tricking it into eating a bread or cake that's full of pins or hot irons. the worst thing it does in folklore that i can find is that it floods a town once because they weren't able to give it its daily cow head. the cuélebre is a nuisance first, and a (sort of) dragon second.

now, i don't want to be raining on people's fun, so i'll take a moment to take my lumps: i wasn't able to find very much information on the cuélebre, so there's a strong chance i am misrepresenting the creature here. aso, people are allowed to view dudunsparce as just a joke pokemon, and to like it as sich, and that's fine! i'm not here to tell you how to engage with your hobbies!

but, when i see that being the only reason that people give for liking the design? when i see that being given as the only reason given for why it looks the way it does? when i see pokemon videos on youtube that quickly bring up and then dismiss dudunsparce as a joke as if that was the only reason behind its design at all, without any kind of additional explanation or exploration of the design? it gets a bit frustrating, and tiresome. i mean hell, i maybe spent about three hours total in researching for this post, and i can confidently say that's far more time than all poketubers have spent on it combined.

the short of it os, that there is always more to be uncovered with fictional material. even with something so seemingly simple as a fat, goofy snake.

[naffeclipse]

*Arrives at Internet Explorer Speed*

Hey guys! Those new chapter of Lack of Light, am I right??!

FDKHKFGH Sorry I needed to make a silly entrance back in your inbox Naff XD

But aaaaaa I finally came back to read these and I'm here with a brand new comment!! For the two chapters I was missing no less! :D

So let's get to it!

Ok so first off I don't know if I'm just looking too much into it but I read this line: "You rely on your eyes to adjust to the darkness" from th first paragraph and it just felt significant to the rest of the chapter, you know? Very literal but metaphorical at the same time!

And oooh something I definitely have to praise in this is the amazing description of the anguish through all the physical sensations that the reader is going through. I think I've mentioned before that when I read reader inserts I don't truly put my real self in the story but rather try to imagine it through the main characters eyes, but wow did I feel this one. The way you detail all those physical effects that anxiety has on the body, beautifully described through images and comparisons, just made it seem so very real. I basically could almost feel them myself, just remembering times when I had definitely experienced something similar, even if the causes were different! I will always applaud your descriptions, Naff! Makes me want to take notes!

And AAAAAAA I gotta say that I absolutely love how just, hrrrr, I'm struggling to find the words to describe it, but I would say how there's a clear parallel between what both Reader and Eclipse are going through?

Because ok, first of all, is the matter of hiding right? Reader seems to be trying to hide (kind of like Eclipse does his true self), but through a mask instead of blindness. Even through previous encounters they have tried to present themselves a very specific way. The unshakable one. Unaffected by everything, at least in a way that goes beyond mild funny venting. And it feels like something they force themselves to do in their daily life, beyond the forest. It's just they're so used to doing it, that it became a part of how they perceive themselves and failing to do so feels to them like they're showing a part of themselves that is intolerable. And aaaaa then Eclipse also because clearly he must have enough experience having met other humans to know that even those that dared stay after learning of his presence ran away after seeing him. So both hide and hide while they wish for more and hate themselves for it, and might even think they don't deserve it.

(Sidenote: I love this description: "The mysterious being who exists in pure darkness, cast by the sun and the moon." Obviously because it references his name (be it a solar or lunar eclipse), but also because it reminds of his strange nature. Because an Eclipse is an event! A phenomenon that is not exactly a natural object, but something that can only be seen under the right conditions!)

And oooh speaking about Eclipse and hiding, I just love the contrast between Eclipse's darkness coming from being unseen vs the darkness born from emptiness. Because Reader so far hasn't been daring at all in pushing to see him, because they fear the latter. Eclipse's nature is intimidating, and it's often said that we fear not the darkness itself, but what we might find in it. But here it's the contrary! Both Reader and Eclipse fear that potential emptiness. They have found company in each other thanks to the darkness, but should something go wrong (pushing too much or scaring the other one away), they would find themselves staring into the void and nothing else.)

And that exactly leads into the doubts about what the other thinks once they've revealed themselves! And it's so interesting how they fear so intensely that the "flaw" they see in themselves, which are kinda opposite, is what will make the other regret meeting them. Like for Reader is that vulnerability, that inability to be perfect about everything that hits them in their daily life and dealing easily with it. They fear their "weakness" will disgust a great being as Eclipse. And for Eclipse is fearing that his form, great, strange, intimidating, monstrous, is what will leave him without his dear one. His very nature enough to drive them away. When in reality, it's likely those very things that made them initially appealing to the other! The Reader a precious little creature, that despite not having horns or sharp teeth lives their daily life bravely (enough to befriend a shadowy being). And Eclipse, a fascinating and fearsome creature, that despite it all demonstrates he's gentle and kind and capable of becoming that friend that provides the most comfort in Reader's life!

Ooooh I just adore how two very different beings, with way more differences than similarities, still have this experience in common. That fear and uncertainty about letting themselves be known, because past experience has thought them it's unwise, and yet they find relief from that terrible all-consuming anxiety when they let themselves trust that this time it will be different and that it is worth it, even if it is raw, to open up and let the right person in.

Now for Mothman Moon!

Just starting and the Reader is already turning the headlights on and off repeatedly jfhdsgkh Prime conditions for Mothman sightings! XD

Oooh I love how you build up the paranoia! Different situations, but it makes me think when it's late at night and for whatever reason you need to go out in a hallway of your home and you gotta reassure yourself that no, there's nothing lurking in the shadows of your home, be an adult and walk calmly jghdkfsj The feeling of being exposed and on edge is so very well achieved! But also all the little hints, like the raven falling quiet. And that instinctual feeling of being watched! Related to all this, I adore this line: "Your optimism slips in the slightest before you yank it back up by the throat and continue marching along." I felt that in my soul fkijhdfgkñjh

Aaaa I love how everything falls quiet at the flapping of wings! Everything knows to be quiet and freeze. And I love Reader is part of that everything. Like they are connected to the forest around them by virtue of not wanting to draw attention to themselves, something they share with all the creatures around.

And oooooo such a spooky sight when we finally get a glimpse of him!! Kinda gave me the urge to hold my breath as well as I read! Just the sight of the glowing red eyes coming from a shadow within the fog would paralyze anyone for sure! And then gjhfdkg poor Reader just shifts horror flavor from Creature-in-the-forest-that-could-kill-me to Stranger-Danger. Pick your poison and all that XD But man that instinct does seriously kick in when a stranger gives us bad vibes huh?

(As a sidenote, I love how you've given the different readers between chapters different responses to fear! Like the first chapter with Sun had Fight if I remember correctly, then the second chapter had Fawn, which I think it's trying to please to prevent from being harmed, even if the fear wasn't so much of Eclipse but of abandonment, and in this one we have Freeze! Which we see twice when Moon first appears and then when the car races towards them!)

Oh. My gosh??? The fact that Moon is just able to take on a car that's going full speed though?? Damn! And oooh he was not happy. He does not appreciate assholes/downright murderers in this area. (Btw I can't help but think that he did in fact break that second light slower on purpose to seem more menacing fjkhdaskjh)

Aaaa it's fascinating how he seems so perplexed by the Reader's response to everything that just happened! Like he doesn't quite understand the freeze response. It's something animals do as well, but I'm guessing if it doesn't work then most would ultimately run from the danger. It's probably the first instance of this he has encountered! And poor reader seems to just be very badly affected by it, physically as well as mentally judging by the lightheadedness.

(sidenote: "He looms, his wings flaring out beside him in magnificent flares of warnings and death." Me, helpless DCA simp, vivid image of the majestic view in my head: Um yes, hi, hello? 👉👈 GFÑLKDJHGÑLJ)

And aaaaa I loved the flight scene! I myself am pretty scared of heights so I likely would have screamed gkjhfdksj but! I love that we continue the theme of braving a bit of the fear to discover something wonderful! Despite my fear of heights I've always imagined how wonderful it would be to have wings and this scene just striked me as something terrifying yet beautiful because it really is an experience that Reader wouldn't get anywhere else! And despite the polarizing feelings of fear and safety just warring inside of them, the wonder was just so tangible as Moon carried them through the air!

And ooo I find it so interesting how he refers to multiple things as the "lights", which from his perspective must be the most notable characteristic of the stuff that emanates it! It's clear he's familiar with cars, and likely has witnessed what happens when one hits a living thing. And the light of the gas station tells him that it's a place humans go to. So he knows it's not just lights, but he still seems to perceive it as their most important characteristic. Aaaa I'm so curious about what the world looks like to him because of this!

And ough it's so sweet he keeps watch over them as they go trying to get the help they need. It seems to me he finds them really intriguing and the fact that he gave them his name could mean he hopes it will not be their last meeting!

And that's that!

Aaaaaa everytime I come back to your writing I keep being taken by surprise by how well you manage to make the reader immerse themselves in the story! Your descriptions are so vivid and your use of the language so *chef kiss*! Everytime I'm just dying to know what's the word that follows the previous one, what will happen, and when that tasty tension you build so well will reach it's snapping point! This little series was a delight to read and a very nice journey into what fear and darkness means to different people. And of course, meeting some very strange and fascinating creatures that make the unknown not as bad as it seemed <3

Thanks for this delicious chapters Naff! It's always a delight reading what you make! 

(Sorry if something is phrased weirdly btw, it’s kinda late as I’m writing this fgkjhdsk)

AHHH CHAOTIK! HI, HELLO! WELCOME BACK!!! I'm so glad to see you in my inbox again!!

Oh, I am rattling you so hard right now! I live for your analysis and I especially love that you caught how much Eclipse and Y/N complement and contrast each other—the same fears but different reasons. They are dear ones, your honor!!!

And Moon! My Mothman!Moon! He's so much fun to write! I'm really glad you enjoy his spooky entrance and his descriptions!

Also, with the readers, that's so funny that it changes from Fight, Fawn, and Freeze! I meant for Mothman's Y/N to freeze but I also think it's neat to explore different responses to fear, so I'm happy that stood out!

(He did break the second car light slowly—he's so dramatic lol)

He does have a different view of the world due to lights—humans have lights. Humans drive with them, live with them, and are afraid without them. Lights are just as foreign as those humans! But he does have a particular interest in Y/N—they were almost hit by the lights themselves. It's now every time he sees that, but he was curious from how they froze to how they were terrified yet in awe of flying. He even finds them cute but doesn't expect to see them again! But Y/N has plans of venturing back to the words with the mothman hehe

Gah, thank you so much, Chaotik! I love how in-depth you go and reading your thoughts makes my day, babe! <3

[darlingpwease]

It would be funny if the system did allow reader to become Shang Qinghua disciple and make him a father figure to them as a little treat for being the author.

Shang Qinghua would be a father who will spoil reader. Bonus points reader knows some memes because Shang Qinghua taught them.

Reader probably doesn’t take him seriously at times but is protective of him.

Reader: He may be an idiot but he’s my idiot.

Shen Yuan is probably smacking his fan at Shang Qinghua for this (or perhaps he’s jealous because reader won’t be his disciple like he expected)

shang qinghua is my lil meow meow<33 deserves to be called daddy tbh he is the author after all /hj /affectionate

creator's favourite<3

reader: wow hehe silly guy who thinks he's my dad... I love it in shifus.

♡ unhealthy behaviour, pet names, mention of violence, adoptive family themes, parent/child dynamic (and some pinning from shen yuan but you can treat it as you want); drabble + headcanons

But more seriously, SHANG QINGHUA actually looks like someone who will be a good father to his cute little darling sweetest summer baby boo that he sometimes just wants to put in a box and shake or put in the palm of his hand and watch with wet eyes, trembling.

He was doing research... And it's normal for men to get carried away with cute things... And gosh — who can say that you are his favorite character and no one can be your fan even more than he is?

(one may try to compete, but he prefers to ignore the existence of Cucumber Bro, although he admits that in some things he has a taste, especially with this cute art, similar to how he represented you, as his pfp.)

(he also puts your art on his pfp, because no one else can be your big fan.)

It's not that you are described in any way at all or look especially against the background of other characters — apart from the fact that he may be too self-indulgent when he describes you as candy for eyes whenever you appear, as if you are a character from a much better story, but what can he do??? — and your backstory may look like one of those that he created for a long time and thoughtfully, as if connecting the pieces of a puzzle, putting his mind, heart and hours into you that he could have spent sleeping instead, but!

He doesn't regret it.

Even in the morning, when he slept for only two or three hours, he does not regret that for just a few hours he said to himself, "it's okay, it's okay, just a couple more words and that's it..."

Every author should have two favorite characters in the story — one whom he wants to associate with himself (or next to whom he wants to associate) and one whom he wants to wrap in a blanket, put on his chest, kiss on the forehead and saying that they are gorgeous and beautiful. After all, for the audience, he has a beautiful cold cultivator and a fateful passionate demoness, so he can have his beautiful cold demon and his charming bright cultivator, right?

Perhaps you are not part of Binghe's harem (not his cutie!!! too precious!!! his baby can't be part of something like that!!!) and such a detailed study, which is hidden behind your description, does not make much sense, but it makes him happy, especially when he can introduce you to the narrative, briefly describe or invent what you can say. His cute little meow meow, who is Luo Binghe's senior fellow disciple under Shen Qingqiu's care (no you don't need that character development where you experience bullying!!! he has the right to be delusional in his works!!!), and tries to do something to the best of your ability, even if there is little you can really help...

... You die in a battle against demons. Although in his drafts a plan of how you actually survived, it was also not very pleasant for him to write this scene, even if it was pleasant to describe an emotionally strong reaction, — and subsequent plans for revenge and murder also had some therapeutic effect, — but no, brother Cucumber, he does not feel any pleasant feelings at all from having killed his pet! And he is not at all happy that he killed the only worthy character!!

And your death was not at all predictable because of how pure and catchy you were!!!

"... Maybe a little delusional after all," SHANG QINGHUA thinks when looks at you. Small, with a straight back and an indefinite peak, although he knows that you will become a member of another peak, and this realization for the first time causes him damage to such an extent that he wants to cough up blood. He just wants to get on knees, hug you and shake, but instead can only watch — and when the System says that he can get you as his disciple, since he has already become the head of the peak?

Yes, your participation in the plot is important, but not to this exte–

Not a word more — he doesn't hesitate for a second!

SHANG QINGHUA treats you like a mother hen with an egg, wanting to just constantly take you in arms and kiss cheeks like a proud father, and for sure he has... moments where you allow yourself some tenderness because of which he falls to the ground, covering face, as if you killed him with charm, while you look down on him — at first frowning and worried, then you just pull him up yourself.

At some point, you even begin to like it; one day you even allow yourself to call him 'father' — but when he almost has a deviation of qi from what you call him, you never do it again, even if now he definitely desperately wants to hear it again. But — no way; how will you explain to the head of Qian Cao Peak why your father shifu looks like this? It would be extremely embarrassing, especially if you still had to drag him.

No.

Never.

(you still unwittingly unconsciously call him that several times, though — and each time SHANG QINGHUA understands that if he dies right now, he will die happy.)

Your backstory is definitely the story of an orphan or an abandoned child, even if it has some noble origin, and it's hard to deny that being immediately in the adoring and pampering presence of the head of An Ding Peak, who deals with all economic affairs and supplies in the sect, being literally the peak of logistics, is a little overwhelming... at first. Someone may view An Ding Peak as useless or meaningless, but when all the supply, procurement, economic transactions are circulating around one peak, and this is not something secret...

... can't your loveable father afford to pamper his beloved child?

You were such a sweet and smart disciple who always follows him (at his request, but you could also theoretically disobey him, so he should reward you anyway!), how can SHANG QINGHUA not try to make you smile and be spoiled?

He knows how bad life was for you, he described it all himself, so he only makes amends to you, even if you definitely do not know because of whom in some sense you had such a past, but only look at him as a parental figure who is always ready to help, protect and pamper you. SHANG QINGHUA always brings your favorite food (which you share! wow! this is definitely fate!), gives you the best, sometimes even unparalleled, clothes or things of the best quality — and never neglects you, as if your very presence activates in him all this incomprehensible desire to protect and adore you.

Does he spoil you too much?... Yes — but you forget one fact: he is also the proud father of one little sweet celestial whom he wrote especially for himself and now can shamelessly love them! Period!

Perhaps the only thing SHANG QINGHUA violently opposes is your fights with anyone, even if you are a head disciple and a member of a sect that, in addition to the economy, is often forced to deal with the dirtier and borderline gray or obviously black things common in the world of cultivators, — but SHANG QINGHUA knows that the sect will be destroyed much earlier what will you become the head... so what's stopping the two of you from just living your life together? Somewhere in a house near the city or in a small but rich city, where you can spend your life in a carefree and moderate pace until old age next to him, needing nothing and never shedding tears... a small pond for you or a garden where you can grow whatever you want, or a place where you will raise small or not-so-small animals...

SHANG QINGHUA is not the most active or aggressive person, he does not seek to expand influence at all, as the original owner of the body did, but when he gently combs your hair, looking at your straight back, he understands that this is impossible if he wants you to survive. Yes, he described that you 'didn't die' and even put forward several ideas about what happened to you after, but now, looking at you, none of them suits him. Why should you suffer? Isn't what was in the original novel enough for you? Don't you deserve to live in comfort and safety?

He is your father — not in the biological sense, but in a much more important way, in both of his lives, and it is natural that your future falls on his shoulders, since he has made the past for you and takes care of you in the present. He would prefer a calm, trouble-free life with the flow, but when SHANG QINGHUA looks at you rejoicing at his gifts as if for the first time or trying to take part of his responsibilities and difficulties to help, how can he think only of himself?

Maybe that's why he's here — to make you happy and make sure you'll never be sad again. After all, SHANG QINGHUA gave you his soul, so it's natural that he could even overcome reality itself and time to be there — and if you think about it like that, then everything falls into place!

His ability to take you as his disciple and almost-child, his need to pamper you, his adoration...

“Shifu?...”

He loves you so much that his heart bursting.

“Shifu, why are you lying down again???”

Papa will protect you.

Shen Yuan really tries not to get angry, but when he sees SHANG QINGHUA shamelessly purring and spoiling you, clearly mocking him about the fact that you love him as your 'dad' shifu, the desire to hit becomes much stronger.

It's not fair, okay? After all, you were originally supposed to be his disciple; that's why he called you, wanting to see his beloved spousefu character — only to find out that you are not his disciple. Perhaps it was then that he realized that something was wrong — just as SHANG QINGHUA understood it, who later heard at a secret meeting that Shen Qingqiu, who woke up after a fever, asked about you for some reason, thinking that you were his disciple, and was amazed when he was confirmed several times that no, this is not so, you are a disciple of another peak.

A disciple of another peak? No, it's– no, it's possible, but unlikely. Since Luo Binghe is already studying at the peak, then at about this age he should already have had a connection with you, right? It's strange if the semblance of 'white moonlight' for the protagonist still did not exist at the peak, although your first meetings probably should have already happened. Isn't that about when that meeting should take place where you save him from mockery by appearing in time as a 'famous young phoenix under the guidance of Shen Qingqiu' and saying your cool speech?

Isn't that when you first demonstrate yourself as a domineering and self-aware beauty, but also able to be modest? Where your 'presence alone is enough for everyone to immediately disperse, let alone look or words'? Where were you still an unblemished white lotus that made Luo Binghe take an example from you, whose gait was 'as silent and graceful as leaves dancing in tandem with a wandering wind in a silent bamboo forest' and 'voice similar at the same time to the purring of a well-fed tiger inspecting their mountain in search of the next prey to playfully tear it apart' and 'like the first gentle snow showering everything around like a blanket, covering and forcing all living things to be silent and heed the serenity and greatness'?

These were some of his favorite scenes, excerpts from which he regularly reread and kept screenshots in the "favorite" in the phone gallery!

Where?!

"Someone remembers," SHANG QINGHUA thinks, rubbing his nose after sneezing — and smiles affectionately when you carefully throw a cape over him before returning to his business next to him, deliberately ignoring shifu's loving gaze. You really are a hardworking little thing, aren't you? Of course, what his child should be like; although not at all like your daddy, but you still take great care of him, even if you don't give him some expensive gifts and don't try to physically serve, unlike him. But he likes it — to take care of you, pamper you, try to accustom you to his culture and jokes, teach you some things that later become 'internal' and are not familiar to anyone else.

... Almost no one else is familiar with them.

“You yourself know they were supposed to be my disciple.”

“... The author has the right to make changes to the work.”

Shen Jiu– No, Cucumber Bro looks up at him because of the slight difference in height, and there is such obvious discontent and irritation in his eyes that SHANG QINGHUA is sure: if it were real, acid would dissolve him right now so that the earth would open up and swallow what would remain of his body.

“Don't you think that such an intervention will have consequences?”

What are the consequences? That you can't pamper them now and take advantage of their care like I do?

“Are you jealous that they call me 'baba' and not you?”

Shen Yuan still hits him with a fan from the heart, but does not answer anything — and SHANG QINGHUA does not dare to continue teasing or pressing button, even seeing how annoyed he is, not wanting to admit that yes, damn it, he is angry that his favorite character, the thought of which caused and causes euphoria, got not him, but SHANG QINGHUA.

“Stfu.”

You don't really call him ''baba' — but if you did, his heart would immediately stop and there would be a serious deviation of qi.

... Hmm...

He definitely found something with which he will pester you now — and the way Shen Qingqiu looks with jealous irritation, clutching a fan in his hand, only adds to the situation of fire.

Even if you don't have the slightest understanding of what's going on.

[naomistares]

In ch20 of gtn lab 2 (avulsion trial) is described as having a lattice of thick black steel between the first half of the room and the second. The first half is like a metal platform on struts with a flight of stairs down to the grate. The lattice retracts into the ceiling via switch. The second half is described as a long space (at least 100 metres) that feels like stepping into a pipe, mostly because of the shape of the ceiling. There's a yellow black hazard line painted on the near side about a metre from the end of the stairs. It's the only way you can tell where the effect starts. At the far end is a metal plinth with a clear glass/plex box on top. The whole room is grey except for the paint line.

That's what's in the book about the room itself - hope it's helpful!

There's also a little bit about the foyer before it, not sure if you wanted that? I'll send it in a separate ask.

wow... i will be needing to look up some words! but i think i pretty much got it, but do you (or anyone) know if the barrier thing had an appearance? or was it just.. invisible.??? or like a portal 😭 in my head its like a glowing wall you can walk through and that is slightly see through from the outside

[strikethematch18]

Withdraws

Lucifer x GN! READER

word count:

WARNINGS: mentions of mental illness, depression, anxiety, self harm, medication, drug (medication) withdraws, suicidal idealations, mentions of suicide, mental health inpatient mentions

Potential Spoilers for Lesson 16 of OG Obey Me

DISCLAIMER 1: in no way am I trying to romanticize mental illness, particularly in relation to suicide and self harm. Things do not automatically get better just because of one person amd instance. If you are struggling with suicidal tendencies and/or self harm, I highly suggest reaching out to someone for help, even if it's a hotline. I am only one person but if you need someone my dms are open. Here is a list of resources such as hotlines

DISCLAIMER 2: some of the things I am describing here are my own experiences and struggles. I went through withdraws from antipsychotics but was in a controlled environment with 24/7 supervision when i was inpatient. Please do NOT just stop taking any medication without medical guidance. At the very least please safely taper your dose, do not stop all at once.

DISCLAIMER 3: There is no shame in getting help or being inpatient. If it is what you need to get better then that's that. If someone looks down on you I am proud of you.

m.list

It was by the grace of some higher power you had just earlier picked your medications up at the pharmacy on the day you were summoned into the Devildom. It was also thanks to that you were running short on time to get to class and shoved the bag into your backpack instead of back to your apartment instead. So for the next 30 days, your brain chemicals remained stable. Thirty days later was an an issue for the future, and wow was it ever a problem.

Of course, the effects weren't immediate. Unfortunately, you did not possess the foresight to ween yourself down so after you ran out it was cold turkey comedown time. It was a horrible experience you cursed yourself for but could not bring yourself to mention it to any of the brothers and you had attempted to do your best to hide it. You already lacked clothes and regularly wore things from the brother's closet but one morning you specifically sought out Beel to ask for a sweatshirt or some type of warmer shirt. The chills of withdrawal had set in, so you just played it off as you being cold. It was only a matter of time before the clamminess started. But for the meantime, something absurdly oversized would do the trick. Of course, you also acquired one from Levi, his only plain black sweatshirt he owned as all the others were anime printed. Levi's was what you chose to tuck into your RAD skirt with your teal collar popped over the neckline, Lucifer wasn't all too pleased by the outfit change but when you gave the excuse of you feeling cold he caved at the time.

Unfortunately, it wasn't long until cold sweats kicked in, however. When you showed up to breakfast shivering in a sweatshirt and your forehead sheen with sweat, all six brothers took it upon themselves to chastise you and then make you go back to bed to rest assuming you were sick. Those only lasted for a few days, all of them spent away from RAD.

One immediate effect you faced was your insomnia because without your sleeping medication you could not sleep until you had exhausted yourself. The brothers had not let this go unnoticed by the state of your dark circles, Asmo scolding you about how a lack of sleep will damage your skin.

Your anxiety kept you from bringing the issue of your medication up. Several panic attacks a day on top of your weening will to live plagued you. It wasn't until the incident with Belphegor and a breakdown that evening alone in your room for you to seek out help. Once you found yourself relapsing into your former self-harm behaviors. Cuts adorned your pale forearms, thighs, and hips. It took a too deep cut on your left arm for you to snap out of your haze.

You muttered a "Shit" as you searched for something to apply pressure to the wound. Once you found a t-shirt discarded on the ground and applied it you knew you had to talk to someone. You did not want to die but some part of you did and it scared you. So you peeked out the door to make sure the hallway was empty, and luckily it was. It was then you made haste to a certain demon brother's study and prayed he would be in there. This was likely the only push of courage you had left and if he was in another part of the house you were scared of what you may do.

Upon arriving through the door you could hear some faint music, good, your intentions coming through. It was perhaps your last act of courage, but you knocked on the door, and shortly after it opened.

Lucifer looked down at your face, "MC is everything alright?"

Your voice broke and a new set of tears cascaded down your eyes and your knees wobbled, "Lucifer I need help."

His eyes widened, looking down at your bloody, slashed body, and swiftly picked you up and set you on the couch, and closed the door.

"MC! What in the devildom happened to you? Who did this to you? Tell me and I'll take care of it."

"Me. I did" you whispered.

"MC?"

"Lucifer, I'm sick," he went to interrupt you but you kept going, "I am mentally ill. Have been for years. And it is taking everything I have not to have an anxiety attack and run out that door because I'm scared and I know I need help."

"Okay, we'll start by dealing with the physical damage first which requires immediate medical assistance, then we'll circle back to intervention, is that alright?" He spoke quietly and gently.

"Okay," you whispered.

Luckily the Demon kept a stocked first aid kit in his study. He had put one together shortly after hearing he would be housing a normal human exchange student.The process started with the cleaning of each area and then bandaging and wrapping. Until he reached your left forearm where the deepest cuts were located. Using the dominant hand always resulted in more pressure control.

Upon examining he said, "MC, I think some of these need stitches. I am not adept and comfortable doing them myself. Will you please allow me to contact Simeon or Solomon? I imagine you want to keep the circle small, especially so in this house?"

After a moment you shakily replied, "If anyone, Simeon, please. I trust him more out of the two."

"Alright then, I'll give him a call to come over. Will you be alright in the meantime?" Your response was just a slow nod.

"Okay, I'll be right back. Just keep applying pressure."

After selecting Simeon's contact, he selected call and waited for the angel to pick up his D.D.D. up.

"Simeon? I need you to come back to the House of Lamentation."

"Someone requires medical attention I cannot give-

"When I give you the answer, I need you to remain calm and discreet. This is an extremely delicate situation."

"It's MC and they need stitches."

"I believe we would both rather not elaborate on the phone."

"Just come in and to my study. Try not to draw attention from my brothers either."

"Thank you, Simeon"

After hitting the call end button he makes his way back to you. Lucifer proceeds to sit beside you in an attempt to not intimidate you, he is aware he can have that effect on people, he just wanted you to feel safe and comfortable. As he studied your frame he could tell how weary you were.

"MC, if you are comfortable you're welcome to lean into my side until Simeon gets here if it would help. I do advise that at this time you refrain from sleeping since we're not certain on blood loss."

You decided to take him up on his offer. After all, you did come here not because he was the oldest or because of his rank, or because of the nature of the exchange program. You came to him because he makes you feel safe and cared for more than anything else.

"Thank you."

After a few short minutes passed  and Simeon knocked and opened the door, surely not expecting your state. At first, he was concerned something happened concerning Belphegor again but after a quick look, he understood these were self-inflicted. His stomach lurched and his heart hurt knowing you were in that kind of pain.

"Oh, MC."

"Hi Simeon," you whispered looking at him with glassy eyes.

Simeon took the liberty to forgo a traditional chair or requiring you to move too much and sat on the coffee table across from you. And offered his hand so he could see what required his assistance.

After looking at Lucifer and receiving his nod of approval you hesitantly removed the bloody t-shirt and held out your arm to Simeon.

"Unfortunately healing with my grace for self-inflicted wounds would accomplish nothing. One of the few things angels cant heal. But I am surprisingly adept in suturing."

"Everything is laid out and is sterile" Lucifer tells the angel.

"Okay MC, this is still going to hurt. I know you're already in pain and this is not going to feel good, but it will help in the long run."

"I understand."

"Lucifer, I'm going to need you to make sure she stays still."

That's how you found yourself in the lap of one of the rulers of the devildom crying into his chest as he held you while Simeon stitched your skin closed for healing.

"Okay MC, we're done, little lamb. You did great. I'm not going to ask what led to this, if you want me to know you can tell me in your own time"

"Thank you, Simeon," you said quietly.

"It's no problem MC. Take care Okay, I'm a text or a call away. And Lucifer?"

"Yes?"

"Take care of her, please"

"I will. Thank you, Simeon" Lucifer said as Simeon nodded and gave a quick peck to your forehead. And just as he came, quietly left the room and house otherwise unnoticed.

"MC dear, are you ready to talk about this now that your physical needs have been met."

"Not really but I need to"

"That's fine, don't feel rushed."

After a brief moment of silence you began, "I um, said earlier I'm mentally ill. My diagnosis includes depression, anxiety, and even ADHD,"

you took a deep breath before continuing, " before coming to the Devildom I was on medications. About 8 different prescriptions worth.

"MC, have you been off of them this whole time? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I haven't been off of them the entire time. The day I was summoned here I had just gone to the pharmacy and got my refills for the month and had them in my backpack which thankfully teleported with me. So for the first month, I was medicated. I also managed to forget to taper my doses down, so when I ran out and as they worked their way out of my system I went through withdrawals"

"Was that when you wore the sweatshirts all the time, and when you were sick shortly after?"

"If you call clammy med withdraws sick, then yes."

"MC, why didn't you come to me sooner? We would have figured this out."

"I was afraid, anxiety makes things like coming forward all the more difficult. And when you have countless panic attacks in a day, it doesn't help."

"MC, I fear to tell you this, but I will have to tell Diavolo about the situation. Not because of the exchange program, but because you need to get better."

With that, you gripped his arm, "please don't institutionalize me, Luci. Promise me you won't. I can't do that again."

His eyes softened, "MC, I promise. I believe that in our current scenario that would hurt more given the nature of your knowledge regarding the three worlds and the current lack of knowledge and acceptance within the human realm. For the meantime, I'll keep a watch over you."

You relaxed slightly at his statement.

"MC, I must ask, how do you feel right now?"

"I... I'm scared. I don't want to live but I don't want to die either. I don't feel safe with myself. I do not trust myself not to do anything else."

"Okay, I request then, that you stay close proximity to me at all times so I can keep you safe, I want to keep you safe because I care. More importantly,y I want you to feel safe. We can either spend nights in my room or yours. But if it's yours I cannot guarantee my brothers won't barge in. However, if you'd be more comfortable there we would figure it out."

"Can we..alternate for a bit?"

"Of course. You and I are going to take a few weeks off from classes and student council activities. It's going to take time for you to heal both physically and emotionally, the last thing you need to do is worry about coursework. And I want to be here for you, I want you to depend on me as you need because you are not alone in this MC. We'll work on getting you back on your meds and we can see what we can do regarding therapy."

"Thank you, Luci. But I don't want to inconvenience you or burden you."

"Preposterous. I'm doing this because I want to. You're not an inconvenience or a burden," he stated, "now in the meantime,e I do need to finish this last bit of paperwork. If you would rather go to bed, it can wait though.

"Go ahead and finish, I can wait a little longer."

"Thank you, MC, it should only be 20 minutes or so. Make yourself comfortable and we can sleep in my room tonight," he said before getting up and sitting back at his desk.

You looked at him longingly before he asked "MC? Is there something you need dear?"

Meekly you reply, "can I um, will I be a bother if I could sit in your lap? Earlier your heartbeat was soothing to me."

His face softened and he gently smiled. Lucifer stood up, swiftly lifted you up went back to his chair, and sat down with you on his lap.

"Never a bother dear."

Lucifer knew it would take a lot more than him being here to get you well again, and this wouldn't be fixed overnight. But he was willing to do whatever it would take to get you better.

[aemmawrites]

She who writes. Pre-crash Nat Scatorccio

Nat Scatorccio x fem/gn reader

cw-friends to lovers

Wc- 750

Part two

Journal entry: Wednesday, April 3rd, 1996

How would you describe love or to be in love? The basic answer with a quick search on the internet may tell you "an intense feeling of deep affection". When you ask someone who is in love what it's like, they will grant you with such information of all the beautiful and positive details of their love, but never the negative aspects of it or how it takes a drastic effect on your life. It seems so positive who wouldn't want to be in love.

Even if it's being in love with a girl who has been there for you since you were kids, and is your bestfriend. The girl who taught you how to get the smell of cigarettes off of you before you got home after a party. The girl who once broke into vour house in the middle of the night because she couldn't sleep, the very same girl who forced you to join the soccer team freshman year because and I quote "the girls on the soccer team are probably hot and I need a wing woman". The girl who is your best friend, and who will only ever love and see you as a best friend.

So now you are stuck writing about her in this journal that ironically, she gave you, and longing for something and someone you know will never have.

"What are you writing?" Nat says while placing her lunch tray down, smiling down at you when she realized you were still using the journal she bought you. "Uhh, a grocery list" you coughed out, and she gave you a look clearly stating I don't believe you. She looks over your shoulder to read what you're writing and with speed you quickly slam your book shut. "I just saw the word love on your grocery list, so unless you're buying a boyfriend that isn't a grocery list" she chuckled as she observed you trying to think of a response.

Just as you opened your mouth to speak, a voice interrupted you.

"Hey guys!!" you let out a long breath and your shoulders slumped, now that the attention was no longer on you but on misty. "Whatcha talking about?"

"How perfect your timing is" you beamed, grateful for the girl's interruption. Misty quickly sat next to Nat rambling on and on, taking all of Nat's attention off of you and onto her, allowing you to admire the blond sitting next to you without getting caught. you admired how she tried to keep up with what Misty was saying, and the way she was fiddling with her rings, and how she seemed to be overwhelmed with all of the information Misty was telling her. She looked over at you holding eye contact a little before you turned back to your journal to try and hide the red tint rising on your face. Just as you focused back on the words you previously wrote in your journal, Nat touched vour shoulder.

"Your house tonight?" you nodded before responding with "only if I get to pick the movie" giving her a sly smirk. "You always pick the same movie though, that's not fair" she pouts as if to gain sympathy from you. 'It's not my fault The Craft is such a good movie, maybe you just have bad movie taste you ever think of that" she scoffed, resting her hand on her chest and pouted mockingly pretending to be offended. "Your heart is on the left side by the way" you smirked as she moved her hand to cover her heart. “I know that I was just seeing if you knew where your heart was."

"Oh really?" she nodded trying not to smile before continuing "yep, l'Il have you know I passed health with 78, that’s a C plus."

"Wow Nat, a whole C plus good job.” You joked, as soon as you finished your sentence the bell rang, letting you, Nat, and Misty know it was time for the last two classes of the day. "I'll see you at 8 for movie night, don't be late" you said, moving to get to class on time.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

🎧|glue song by beabadoobee

[demonofnowhere]

Time’s Time: Time for Thomas (don’t interrupt him) & Time for Stelle (interrupt me ASAP)

* now, i once had a lovely introduction to this post.  i did, honest.  it discussed how twitter has gotten worse and worse, and how if things went well i will do my best to post more thomas stuff here, and even briefly mentioned what this post is actually about. . .

* then firefox crashed. * being new to tumblr, i had not saved a draft of my post.  in fact, i found out you could save drafts mere minutes before firefox crashed.  i thought to myself “wow! what a nifty feature!”, and then proceeded to not save it.  this almost happened twice actually.  i managed to save it the second time thankfully.  i’m still livid though.

* thank you stelle, you are a really useless idiot.

* therefore, we’re not going to have that nice introduction.  the only things you need to know from that post is that you can find me on Twitter (@DemonOfNowhere) for more of my usual infodumping, and that i’ve ditched my usual typing quirks in favour of making this post readable for you all.  let’s get straight to the point instead. * greetings, i’m stelle, demon of nowhere (name change pending?), and it is unfortunately time for thomas.

Doesn’t it feel strange to see me type normally? With dignity? With even the slightest amount of respect for myself? Err, ahem, I mean... Thomas! I love Thomas. I love the ending of “Stepney’s Special” for Thomas.

Thomas tries very hard to maintain a very professional profile on his branch line. It’s likely something he picked up from Gordon, if his attempts to imitate him whilst he was younger are anything to go by (note “Thomas’ Train”). If you get in Thomas’s way, he kicks up such a fuss and holds it against you until either one of your gets a taste of Sudrian karma (”you” being Percy in this situation, usually). This all means that when Thomas is shunted to allow Stepney, a newcomer, fly past him with one measely coach while Thomas, Annie, Clarabel and their passengers crossly wait for him to pass, Thomas gets cross.

Really cross. Super cross. He holds it against Stepney and is still fuming by the time the next morning arrives.

Thomas spoils the effect of it very quickly though. Of course he does, he’s Thomas and he’s stupid. All Stepney had to do was give one compliment and next thing he knew, Thomas was telling him EVERYTHING about his branch like an eight-year-old telling their parent all about their cool new toy they got (don’t let Mattel hear about this). Stepney calls Thomas an expert once, and away Thomas goes, not only to stroke his own ego a little, but also just because he’s too happy to ramble about his prized branch line (which Percy and Toby clearly think is hilarious, based on the illustration...). He’s a bit like me in that sense; we like to ramble about things no one cares about, but we can’t stop ourselves. Please help me.

One of my favourite parts of this exchange is the following line: “Ah well,” said Thomas modestly.

“Modestly” is the funniest words ever used to describe Thomas the Tank Engine. You and I of course both know that, despite his good heart, he is anything but modest.

Now, there’s something else I’d like to talk about here too. If you’ve read my ramblings before, you know that I cannot type for five seconds without bringing up something else that I didn’t mean to bring up but brought up anyway. I’m silly like that.

If Thomas got mad at Stepney for interrupting his branch line’s timetable once...

...How would he feel about having a whole train that has to do everything in its power to NOT interrupt the usual services?

In notes of Ffarquhar’s layout, the land cruise enthusaist train is noted to be scheduled in-between regular services, and mustn’t disrupt traffic. This is implied to be more difficult than it ought to be, partially because rail enthusiasts are rail enthusiasts and getting them back into the coaches is a miserable experience for the station’s secretary, and partially due to shunting arrangements at Ffarquhar that are absolutely mind-boggling (a document I wrote up of Ffarquhar’s timetable, according to the Awdry DVD, can be found here!).

The moment the Bloomer, or whoever the enthusiasts’ engine happens to be, arrives, he has to square his fancy saloon coaches away to make room for Thomas, Annie and Clarabel’s next down service. So, imagine for me, what happens when Bloomer indulges the enthusiasts’ interest in him at the platform for a little too long, only for Thomas with his grumpy little face to huff into the station yard and start angrily shouting at Bloomer to Get Out Of His Way Or Else The Fat Controller Will Find Out And You Will Regret That.

Now, we of course know little of Bloomer, but I’ve always thought of him not quite as an old grandpa, but rather a showman who takes a lot of pride in his theatrics on a railway filled mainly of engines still in regular service. Bloomer doesn’t get to appear publicly very often, but when he does, he’s going to make it worthwhile. He’s going to bask in the spotlight for as long as he can, impressing everyone who is lucky enough to draw eyes on him, and he’s certainly no pushover. If Bloomer wants to spend time talking to the enthusiasts about his past life (though he has to keep SOME secrets, of course. Part of the act, a bit of mystery is always fun), then he’s going to spend as much time as he can doing just that -- which he always does.

This drives Thomas insane. A WHOLE TRAIN THAT COULD THROW ALL OF HIS TIMETABLE, ALL THAT HE’S WORKED FOR, OUT THE WINDOW SO EASILY? WHAT. The poor guy. He and Bloomer would be the ultimate enemies, egomanaics for different reasons that will forever butt heads while the other Ffarquhar engines would wish they’d just shut up for two seconds.

He cheerfully and dutifully shunts Annie and Clarabel along from the carriage shed... then he sees Bloomer’s ugly mug taking up the platform. “YOU,” Thomas hissed, grounding to a halt, “YOU’RE not supposed to be here.” “Ah,” Bloomer smiled sweetly, “Thomas my boy, I most certainly belong here. It’s part of my act for me to be right here, right now. ‘Tis merely part of my script.” “Right now!?” scoffed Thomas, as Annie and Clarabel chattered quietly behind, “Right now, you and your ugly great houses on wheels are meant to be by the cattle dock! Never mind your ‘act’, my Timetable is much more important! You always talk such nonsense.” “And you always talk ever so much, yet say very little,” mused Bloomer, “A script would do you well, improv is clearly not your strong suit, Thomas my darling. For such a famous little engine, you never seem to respect the life of a shining star. What a waste, what a waste. We Enthusiast Engines have far more than timetables to worry about, boy; we have fans to please.” Thomas wanted to retort, but was interrupted by a shrill, long blast of Bloomer’s whistle. “I hope you all enjoyed the first part of the show!” Bloomer called to his passengers, as he began to back away, “We shall return after our intermission, and I have no doubt you shall all be there to witness the Grand Finale of today’s display! Make sure to be there at 6 o’clock sharp. After all, Time’s Time.” Bloomer winked in Thomas’s direction. Thomas’s face was redder than Bloomer’s paint, and he had practically vanished behind a thick cloud of steam. “What a horrid engine!” he grumbled to Annie and Clarabel when he finally made it to the platform, “He thinks the whole railway revolves about him, and expects everyone to work at HIS pace! The shame of it, the shame of it...” Annie and Clarabel really thought it all rather ironic.

This is all made funnier by the fact that once the enthusiasts’ train leaves Ffarquhar for the junction, it crosses Thomas with Annie and Clarabel going up the line at Elsbridge. Thomas has yet another chance to start bickering with Bloomer, especially when the Ffarquhar secretary likely couldn’t get the stragglers into Bloomer’s coaches in time (and Bloomer of course didn’t help her one bit). Their next rowl shall be exciting stuff for all involved -- except Annie and Clarabel, who have tried reasoning with Thomas the whole time, but haven’t quite been able to get through to their stubborn engine.

Now, realistically, I had planned to do a bit more talking rather than writing a whole scene. However, much like Thomas, improv isn’t my strong suit, and I hadn’t at first planned for this to be a Bloomer discussion, and perhaps this has gone on for long enough. Whoops!

What have we learnt today? Well, personally, I’ve learnt that I probably need to get the hang of writing these posts. This probably hasn’t worked out super well. Those of you who are more familar with this site are probably cringing so hard at me right now, and you’re entirely right to do so. For shame, me, for shame...

Usually, I like to round these off with a nice, poetic conclusion about what we’ve discussed today... but really I didn’t know that this post was going in the direction it went into. I mainly wrote this to get my foot in the door and finally post something of substance here. Apparently my second to most popular post here is talking about how fucking funny Terence the Tractor here. Can we change that please? Terence the Tractor is funny but... I can do better than that...

Well, no, no I can’t.

...

You know, I meant to start using my typing quirks again at the end of the post.

But now we’re here, and it doesn’t feel right for me to start using them.

...

I’m doing an awful job at ending this.

...

Maybe Terence the Tractor IS the best I can do.

Hmm.