#the other two idk he might be intimidated by their sureness of self or energy?

[ofieugogyshz]

This a little left field but what is it like having a bunch of idol kids?? It seems like an energetic and fun experience! Do they get along and treat each other like actual siblings or do you keep them in seperate universes?

I mostly just keep them in their own verses tbh bc i don't involve myself with them like I do with, say, my husband. But i've always loved the idea of rin and otoya as basically Same Siblings and playing sports together and being fun hyperactive beams of sunshine ;w; they're basically different gender twins! Even their hair are in a similar color family. I just. I love my babies.

And most of my idol kids are from llsif anyways, and canonically aqours is 5 years after muse, but i love seeing hanamaru and rin fanart, because canonically 'maru fills rin's "role", despite being in opposite ends of the energy/fitness scale. But maru gets her insp from rin, who also felt like she could never become an idol, and my favorite fanart is the one where rin is passing on the metaphorical torch [bouquet] in her love wing bell outfit to maru, in her aozora jumping heart outfit. And i just. Oh. My feels.

I would LOVE to see Ai-Ai and Mari interact. That seems like just doubling their power, with Ai being slightly more subdued/genki energy and Mari being more showy/grandiose energy, and Mari's more likely to make puns out of aqours, so it just seems like... They'd make good friends.

All my best girls for each group are smile-types of a differing year, too, so undoubtedly they'd all get along!

Poor Otoya tho, doesn't know about all his sisters NFDJDH still need many rin and otoya sibling fanart in my life tho. So many. Please give my best kids soccer together. I just. FGSGSBDBEK the energizer rabbit siblings.

[obeiii-mee]

Hello! Can I request an hc about a shady MC who's not phase by anything in Devildom with the brothers (and Diavolo?? he deserves love!!!)? Like, when Luci's like "i CaN KiLL yOu hUmAN", MC's reaction was like "Oh... congratulations then." i need more shady mc who may or may not be planning to ruin your life😂😂 Thanks and take care!!❤❤

The Brothers + Diavolo with an MC that is not phased by DevilDom

__________________________________

Pls I need more shady MC, they would not take any shit from the brothers. Put any Gen Z-er with these guys and you’ve got yourself a suicidal and reckless human exchange student.

They wouldn’t know what to do with one of those ahaksbakanhaka you’re right, Diavolo deserves all the love >:(((((((

You better take care too >:( thanks for sending me this big brain request. I’ve been preoccupied with other projects so I took a while to get to this ask. Hope you’re doing OK💙

____________________________________

Lucifer:

-He thought having a human exchange student was going to be bad enough as it is but this…..this was so much worse than he could have ever imagined

-The moment you arrived, he already knew you were going to be a problem child and a persistent one at that

-Literally the first thing you asked him was : “Why do you look like an off-brand Levi Ackerman?”

-And he was left there, astounded, confused and offended because he had no idea who you were talking about (cuz at that point you hadn’t met the third eldest) and the tone you had was, frankly, pissing him off

-You kept wondering off on your own????? Without looking like you gave a shit even though you almost walked into a butcher’s shop that specialises in human meat???? Tf MC?

-Also really irritated that you couldn’t be intimidated and that DevilDom was like a playground to you, for some reason? Like, MC get out of the fiery pits of eternally tormented souls- this is Hell, not the McDonald’s ball pit ffs

-Things did not improve for him lmao, by the end of the first week he had already ripped out a good chunk of his hair because of you

-“MC, you should know by now provoking demons like this for no good reason is only going to make life harder for you. Keep this up and you’ll get killed in no time because of your behaviour.”

-“Great, can we have a hip-hip and a hurray?”

-In the span of one day, he’s had to come to your rescue six times (approximately) because you’re too nonchalant about your surroundings around literal creatures of hell

-He doesn’t have enough coffee or will to live for this bs

-“Lucifer, I found this dead plant and brought it here because it reminded me of you.”

-“…..sigh. Why? Why does it remind you of me?”

-“Because it’s cold and unresponsive.”

-He made the consecutive decision to ignore you

-(low-key kept the plant tho)

-Honestly, you get on his nerves a lot and he has definitely contemplated killing you in the past but at the end of the day he really can’t bring himself to do it

-We both know he tried a few times lmfao

-“I will tear you limb from limb, human-“

-“Can I finish my tea first.”

-“You…wait, what?”

-“You’re crazy if you think I’m letting this tea get cold. Try to kill time before I’m done and I’ll smash this cup against your head.”

-If you try hard enough, you might even elicit a laugh out of him, especially if your shadiness is directed at any of his brother which results in him patting your head affectionately

-Nowadays he’s just concerned because you seemed to have made an alliance of sorts with Belphagour and Satan and that’s not a good sign

-For his sake, if not yours, at least try to survive the year without getting chomped on by a random demon please

-He’s too stubborn to let you die just because you’re unbothered by everything so cut him some slack and help out damn it

Mammon:

-“Oi Lucifer, how come I’m stuck babysittin’ this stupid human?”

-“And how come I’m stuck with this asshole for a tour guide, with his fake ass designer shoes and no brand sunglasses. That’s a lot of smack talk from someone with crow shit stains covering the back of his jacket. Also, did you stick your hair in a bucket of mayonnaise?”

-……..

-He was so offended lol

-Normally, humans like you cower in fear whenever demons are as much as mentioned because of the whole “I can eat you whole” thing

-And here you are; insulting the Avatar of Greed and one of the princes of Hell himself just because you didn’t like his attitude

-Don’t worry tho, he warms up to you in less than a fucking month simply because you still come to his rescue whenever his brothers start insulting him and wow, look at that, his heart is now combusting on the floor

-“Y’all have no right to criticise Mammon when he has the most self control out of all of you.”

-“Since when does Mammon have any self control? He can’t keep himself from nicking anything that looks shiny.”

-“Motherfucker, I don’t see him trying to choke me to death, respectfully pls shut the fuck up. I don’t want to say I have favourites but if I do, it’s definitely him.”

-While Mammon’s in the background, with hearts instead of pupils in his eyes like ❤️👄❤️

-He doesn’t even mind running around after you anymore (will still complain about it though because your ass is in constant danger and he’s had enough)

-Honestly, you keep starting shit with random demons, some of which are quite powerful mind you, and you don’t back down even when he’s there to step in

-Would low key love to watch you fight one of your classmates at RAD and organise a ticket selling booth for the event but Lucifer will hang him a new one if he does

-So for now, he sticks to baring his teeth at the aggravator in question and you’re there, giving the same demon the middle finger

-The way you sometimes match his energy gets him so hyped up lmao

-“Mammon, did you steal Levi’s money again?”

-“T’s none of her business human. Now go away, shoo!”

-“Bitch, don’t ‘shoo’ me, I ain’t a bird. Now tell me, did you?”

-“…..Why do you ask?”

-“Because a new flavour of instant noodles just got announced, called ‘Super Hell-Sauce Flavour’ and I thought you might be more interested in that than wasting the money on gambling.”

-“….ok but only if you come with me to buy some.”

-This…this is true love right here

Levi:

-Oh no, now there’s two of you

-Why do I feel like his energy would match MC’s almost immediately? Maybe it’s because he spends too much time in his room on the internet like the rest of us do

-“What do you want, you stupid normie?”

-“300…..”

-“….300 what?”

-“300 mangas collected, thousands of episodes of anime watched, over 60 character figurines, plushies, body pillows, merchandise and several posters only to be called a fucking normie by a demon weeb that’s only known me for 10 minutes.”

-Boom, instant friendship

-He becomes attached to you almost immediately and now that he knows how unphased you are by DevilDom, he is seriously worried

-Hell, you’re making him consider going outside his room just to make sure you’re alive and not dead in a ditch somewhere because you decided to get on someone’s nerves that particular day

-Even during the quiz thing, when he almost kills you, you’re just sitting on the floor and awkwardly watching him as he throws a sissy fit

-Levi feels sort of conflicted with you because one one hand you’re good company and he loves having you around, you’re his Henry after all

-But on the other hand, you put yourself in so much danger it makes him paranoid so often to the point where he wants to keep you locked in his room and wrapped in bubble wrap

-Nearly had a heart attack when you almost walked right into a pit of lava like MC???? This isn’t one of his video games???? You’re not gonna respawn if you die????

-Besides all that, he gets a bit jealous of you confidence and your ability to just do whatever without fearing death or consequence

-“MC, how do you do it?”

-“Do what?”

-“How do you go about your life without a care in the world?”

-“I guess I’ll tell you my secret Levi. I’m not like other humans that’s why, I’m just so unique I do things differently.”

-“You sound like a pick me-“

-As long as you’re OK and not injured because of your carelessness, he’s indifferent about your behaviour and will even applaud you for your bravery when it comes to this sort of thing

-“lmao the human exchange student just dumped Solomon’s cooking in the trash while looking him dead in the eye 💀💀💀”

Satan:

-Your attitude towards DevilDom and demons in general kept him entertained, if nothing else

-You rarely seemed to consider how much of a threat that place really is and usually you were just running around, completely ignoring Lucifer’s rules and doing your own thing

-Which, you know, he’s all about

-I can’t say there were no incidents between the two of you

-With his short temper and your tendency to say things without caring about the consequences, there were definitely moments when he might’ve snapped on you

-“MC for goodness sake, what happened to my room?”

-“What do you mean?”

-“It’s an absolute mess! I just told you to bring me my spells and curses book, not mow through everything!”

-“It’s not my fault this place is built like a fucking labyrinth. You should be grateful I went to get it for you at all, I almost tripped and died several times on my way back. Also, you should get a new ladder for your shelves. It did the broken.”

-“MC….”

-“Yes?”

-“You are so lucky I love you.”

-Other than the fact his anger takes over him when things like these happen, he not so subtly encourages you to keep going because seeing Lucifer scowl at your antics gets him wheezing his lungs out

-I like to think Satan would be very impressed, even in the beginning, at the amount of nonchalance you can radiate at times

-I mean, you sure as hell don’t see it often and he loves how unpredictable you are more often than not

-If anything, he should probably thank you-idk how, but his patience has increased significantly every since you got here and he appreciates having some more control of his emotions

-“I’m gonna go put oil in Lucifer’s shoes.”

-“Do you have a death wish?”

-“Satan, I am old enough to make my own decisions and I concluded that this action is necessary.”

-“Necessary for what?”

-“Raising everyone’s morale! All of you seemed to feel down lately so I thought this would be fun for everybody!”

-“Except Lucifer, right?”

-“Except Lucifer. He grounded me from my D.D.D like I’m a fucking teenager who needs to be supervised-pssshht, I’m the most responsible one here.”

-“Yes clearly.”

-“Goodbye dear Satan, I may die today. But it’s for the greater good! (Dramatic exit with sound effects)”

-“WAIT MC!”

-“(pops head back in) yes?”

-“May I offer you my assistance?”

-You’re basically taking turns pranking his brothers and it’s hilarious

-Satan is not too worried about your well being simply because he knows his siblings and him are always going to be nearby to save you if you pull something stupid again

-Even so, he checks up on you throughout the day; just to make sure

-“Where were you?”

-“Running from a bunch of demons. Who wanted to go munchy crunchy on me, I assume.”

-“……”

-“Either that or people here are a lot friendlier than originally expected.”

-You can be such a handful and it really tests him, especially when he’s angry enough to begin with

-But despite your amazing talent at either getting completely lost around Hell, purposely walking into a prohibited place just because you felt like it or riling up others with how blunt you are, he still cares about you deeply

-You may be a pain the ass, but you’re his pain in the ass <3

Asmo:

-He should’ve known something was up with this particular human when you stood there, completely calm and collected, while Beel salivated at the thought of eating you on your first day

-Asmo just brushed it off for a while but it kept happening???

-The first time Lucifer ever told you off, you really went and said “Or what? Are you going to eat me? If so, you can go ahead and start with-“

-He came to your rescue and covered your mouth before you got to finish and before Lucifer unleashed his wrath on to everyone in that house

-“OOPSIE! I think MC has been spending too much time with me. Sorry Lucifer, we gotta run now! We have a party to attend, don’t we MC darling?”

-“You mean the one hosted by the guy that tried to kill me because I shoved into him on the hallway at school and then proceeded to tell him to go fuck himself right back into whatever hell hole he was born in before you came and charmed our way out of it?”

-“Yes.”

-“Ah OK. “

-You’re tiring for sure but you’re not exactly unlikeable

-You have a certain charm hanging about you that Asmo loves

-“I almost died like…30 minutes ago.”

-“WAIT WHAT?? WHY?? WHAT HAPPENED-MC ARE YOU OK???”

-“Yeah, I almost drank some poison today because someone told me it was water. It smelt off though so I didn’t.”

-“….”

-“Anyway, I got you this bracelet on my way home.”

-He really does wish you would take things a bit more seriously

-This is your life on the line, you know? What would he do if you died?

-“MC, you’re not immortal, you can die so much more easily than I can, you know that right???”

-“I don’t care.”

-“Well I do! And you should too….”

-A lot of people don’t see past his vanity tbh, because he can be such a caring person towards the people he loves

-The amount of videos he has of you appearing to be completely calm while pure chaos is descending in the background is pretty impressive

-Every time he uses his charm on you to try and get you to commit his sin, it just doesn’t work???? For some reason???? And even if it’s just with simple, innocent affection for now, he is determined to tempt you into it

-“MC~gimme a hug!”

-“But that’s social interaction and I don’t support it- do you have a charger for my D.D.D by any chance?

-Or at least die trying to ig

-Asmo loves having you around but you’re giving him wrinkles and that’s not okay >:(

Beel:

-The moment he realised how carefree you actually were, he sort of started checking up with you quite frequently throughout the day

-It’s his way of protecting you but if he could, he would follow you around all the time

-Becomes your body guard because you may not care enough about your safety but he certainly does so get ready to be carried everywhere

-You will not get hurt nor will anyone mess with you if he has a say in it and let me tell you, he does

-Thing is, his brothers mostly know him for being slightly dense in some aspects of day to day life

-He’s not perceptive of things that don’t involve food or his loved ones

-And because you most definitely are a loved one of his, he does notice how careless you are really often

-And it scares, rather worries, him because DevilDom is an incredibly dangerous place-even with all the precautions they had taken when you came

-“MC get down, you could fall.”

-“But Beel, look-I’m finally taller than everyone else! Taller than you even! Hey, should I do a backflip?”

-He has no idea why you thought jumping from 60 meter high cliff into a small river of squashed demon blood was a good idea but he wasn’t going to risk anything just because you felt like showing off your diving skills

-Proceeds to carry you away, completely unfazed

-In this case, I feel like Beel is not someone who gets bothered by the horrible things happening around there either

-As long as he has food and his family is safe and happy then he’s also happy, as mentioned above

-But he knows he’s alright with DevilDom because he’s been living here for centuries now

-A bit curious as to why you’re so unbothered

-And even more curious as to why you weren’t terrified of him transforming in his demon form after he lost control when he found out you ate his pudding

-Or more like Mammon did and pushed the blame on you

-“YOU. ATE. MY. PUDDING!”

-“Beel I love you but if you did not just see Mammon shoving the damn container in my mouth two seconds prior to this, then you might need glasses.”

-He apologised to you later for it but even so, you didn’t seem to mind like at all and he didn’t really understand why

-Unless you end up explaining why exactly you feel so indifferent about your life being in potential danger, he won’t really pry

-But now he has even more reason to follow you around like a lost puppy

-Since it’s clear you don’t really care about protecting yourself

-So now it’s his job to do it

-MC protection squad? Mostly Beel and Mammon

-ahhh he cute

Belphie:

-Oh

-You piss him off so much

-He’s trying to have his moment, you know?

-Finally getting that glimmer of satisfaction after killing a human as a way to avenge his sister’s death

-Trying his hardest to make it as miserable as possible because he has so much rage in him, he needs you to suffer

-“Harder Daddy-“

-“Oh fuck off.”

-Nah but for real, what the fuck MC

-Why does he even bother, he feels like he should be sleeping instead of dealing with your bullshit

-Even afterwards, when your future self shows up and he tries to kill you again, you look more thoughtful than irritated???

-Lucifer and Beel are literally holding him back from doing another Chocky on you and you’re standing there, looking at him with your eyebrows raised

-“Hey Belphie, I have a quick question. I know you’re trying to kill me and everything but do you like the colour blue?”

-“HUH??!?!”

-“It’s a simple yes or no question Belphie. Do. You. Like. Blue?”

-“WHAT DOES IT MATTER???!!!”

-“BELPHAGOUR, AVATAR OF SLOTH-YES OR NO, JUST FUCKING ANSWER!”

-“YES! FUCK YOU!”

-“Ah ok thanks. I like blue too :)”

-????????????

-Pls he felt like sticking his foot down your throat

-As of late, he’s kind of glad he didn’t manage to scare you away that day and that he didn’t traumatise you or something

-At the time, he was mad because he didn’t understand why you weren’t scared but now he just wants to make it up to you

-“You didn’t deserve any of that. I’m sorry MC, I won’t blame you if you decide to stay away from me now.”

-“Stfu dipshit, what’s gotten you so depressed? Did you have another fight with Beel? I told you not to eat the last slice of cake.”

-“Rude ass, I was trying to apologise for my past mistakes-let me repent will you?”

-“Said no demon ever. Now let’s go hang out you emo bitch.”

-Y’all vibe together on a spiritual level once that shit gets sorted out

-But he’s kinda scared you might pull out a knife on him ngl

-Obviously, you’re still annoying as fuck with that indifferent attitude of yours but he can live with it

-He appreciates the fact that you’re not scared of him, even after what he’s done

Diavolo:

-Ah yes, the future King of DevilDom himself

-He’s very enthusiastic about the idea of you having fun this year…..and to keep you alive….

-He, of course, expected a range of reactions from you when he first summoned you here

-None of which were “Ok but could you not have given me a heads up? Before the whole teleportation thing? I face-planted your onto marvellously polished the floor and now I think I lost even more brain cells than before.”

-He felt so bad gagajajahahwgehhsb

-He apologised for bringing you out here without any warning like that and then proceeded to introduce you to everyone

-Diavolo is actually kind of relieved to see you’re handling everything pretty well

-He thought that maybe DevilDom was too much for a human to deal with

-Meeting Barbatos also went incredibly smooth

-“Barbatos? The one that cleans the floors right? Big fan of your work, I could eat off the floor of the main hall.”

-He’s so glad to see you getting along with everyone and not getting intimidated by the brothers

-It gets him excited thinking about how the exchange program is gonna work and all three realms will be united

-But he’s not stupid so don’t think he’ll allow you to stumble around, getting up to all sorts of mischief

-He always has someone watching you because he would hate to see you die, despite being pretty fond of your carefree attitude

-“MC, please be careful. Most demons here aren’t all that nice.”

-“Aye aye Captain.”

-He fears that many demons would take your indifference as a challenge and try to assert dominance or something by kidnapping you

-As far as creatures of hell go, they love installing fear in people

-So he always keeps an extra eye open for you

-And he’ll be there to help you if something goes wrong

-But other than that, he’s pretty chill as well and he finds you so hilarious, it’s been a while since he’s seen someone as eccentric and dramatic as Mammon and Asmo

-Idk what else to add here, Diavolo is very accepting and as long as you don’t get hurt, he’s glad you can get used to your new surroundings so easily

———————————-

Al~

[chemicalpink]

☾✧゜BTS Tarot Reading: a peek into their S/O energy ☾✧゜

Pairing: none, this is a tarot/oracle reading.

A/N: I used the divine feminine deck for this reading. Please do remember that every tarot reader’s relationship with their decks are unique thus it may vary the interpretation of the cards. This reading is for entertainment purposes only; the energy channeled may refer to a present or future partner. Whatever outcomes of the reading doesn’t mean ultimate truth and we should really respect the member’s dating life as fans. 

Kim Seokjin ☾✧゜

Mai Bhago: resources; warrior.

So i feel like this is someone that might have to fight for him

Someone that will stop at nothing to get him to open up.

Cause I mean sure, either way, Jin is so far up in the ‘people that will never be your boyfriend’ list with the way that BTS has grown but I feel like this is so much more than that.

I feel like 

It’s not hard to get close to him, but it is hard to get him to open up to the idea of someone loving him for him and not for what he’s accomplished.

idk if that makes sense (?

Lakshmi: abundance

As soon as I laid eyes on this card I got the idea of someone with all that bread.

Not sure if it is inherited wealth/ wealthy family or self made

But definitely someone that has the necessary resources to live comfortably

And also this adds up to them being able to make Jin open up 

Cause they are definitely not using him for money.

Which is a big relief for him.

Rita of Cascia: impossible causes.

Definitely someone that doesn’t run on the same circles as him.

I thought: hmmm maybe a fan (?

Or possibly someone that doesn’t necessarily has the time to date

But most definitely has the intention to love Seokjin with all their strength.

Min Yoongi ☾✧゜

Rita of Cascia: impossible causes

Hello we meet again.

But with a diferent connotation.

This is someone whos strong will puts us all to shame

Like really

Someone that gets their mind on something and will most definitely get it.

Very in tune with Yoongi’s energy.

Lalla: spoken words

I feel like this is someone that has gone through their life trying to heal

And succeeding

“I am the writer of my own story”

Some one that doesn’t fit into the ‘traditional’ way that they are supposed to live.

VERY straightforward.

I also thought of someone spiritual, a manifester of sorts.

Kali: mother of the universe.

LISTEN I’ve said how this one is someone non traditional

Now hear me out

I saw this card and thought well we are looking at someone not gender conforming.

I can even go as far as say that is is someone part of the LGBTQ+ community.

“It’s time to be the truth of who I am”

If you put 2 and 2 together, I can say that this is a healing presence for Yoongi, someone that will make him tune in into what he really likes, who he is.

Jung Hoseok ☾✧゜

Lalita: happiness

This made me so soft

Sunshine got his own sunshine

“Laughter leads me back to the light”

Very positive vibes for this one

One of those people that is impossible not to like

Just like him

Sarada Devi

“The presence of love is the absence of judgement”

This is definitely someone open-minded

In many ways

Someone that has no trouble with Hobi’s way of life

As in

He had to cancel last minute because there’s this thing at the studio? Sure no problem.

They don’t doubt one bit his love and devotion

And understands that they are not walking the same path

But rather walking each of their paths together.

Vajrayogini: liberation

A carefree soul

I feel like this someone is helping Hoseok feel free again

As in

Don’t get him wrong he loves doing what he does but sometimes your career ties you down

But all of those are gone with them.

A fourth card popped up: Mary Magdalene

Along with all those things, this someone is someone very down to Earth

They know where they stand

None of that getting their head get full of it for dating Hoseok

They are themselves and will stay themselves no matter what.

Kim Namjoon ☾✧゜

Marguerite Porete: mystic

Right off the bat, a soulmate connection

I’ll have to say soul family at least

A very divine love

Not like codependent but very very into each other

Shekinah

I feel like most probably this is a female, or someone that identifies as such

Also

Namjoon president? very much so

This is someone important

I see power

In like- a position wise type of way

I’ll go as far as to say a diplomat cause it’s what comes to mind

Or a business executive

Someone well respected within their own little world

Definitely someone Joon looks up to

Rita of Cascia: impossibles

What’s with these boys and this card

So again, I’m sensing fan or just someone that is not a celebrity

Public figure? sure

But like I said, they run just within their own circle

It also came to mind: foreigner

So yeah, i endorse my thought of a diplomat.

Park Jimin ☾✧゜

The Cosmic Egg

Listen I’m not surprised to get such a card from this man

This is indeed a soulmate connection

Also, filled with lots of love

But mostly like- demonstrations of love

I don’t wanna say they’re that couple full of PDA

but it’s what comes to mind

Teresa of Avila

DO NOT QUOTE ME ON THIS OKAY

But I feel like this is an already existing relationship

they keep to themselves

a very NON PUBLIC relationship

I feel like they don’t feel the need to announce it to make it more real

They vibin’

a very soft and chill connection tbh

Machig Labdron

So I feel like these two have known each other for long

This is someone that Jimin has helped through hard times

Chimchim is a healer within so I sense that he has helped them 

“I see light in my own darkness”

Also I feel like they’ve had a troubled past that has turned into love

Jimin was the light that helped them see their true lovable self.

Kim Taehyung ☾✧゜

Mira Bai: true freedom

Okay so this is someone VERY independent

Although they love Tae to death, they know to love themselves first

I can see Tae being a bit intimidated by this way of thinking at first

But learn later that this is his type of person

Yeshe Tsogyal

It came to mind an academic

Whether it is a teacher or an investigator

That academia vibe

A true intellectual

Very curious about life and averything that surrounds them

Just like Tae

Tae most likely learns A LOT from this relationship

And is very fascinated by their brain

Kali

“I release all that doesn’t serve me”

This someone knows what they want

And there is just no way around it

Like the first card said, they love Tae but life plans are life plans

Someone that loves to walk their own path

A very grown-up vibe to them

And listen I don’t wanna fall into daddy/mommy issues

really

But I’m gonna go ahead and say this is some type of inner child healing for Tae

Two very similar POVs but with SO DIFFERENT perspectives

Both curious, but Tae’s comes from a child-like place whereas his s/o views it as something greater, the purpose of the universe type of way.

Jeon Jungkook ☾✧゜

Sehknet

This card was very straightforward with the message

Someone that has been through shit

Jungkook is their well-deserved break at all the trials that the universe has put them through.

“I am pure strength”

I also feel like this is someone that tends to be an avid activist

VERY VERY passionate

and definitely tired of everyone’s bullshit

an old soul, VERY VERY OLD

“I honor my anger by giving voice to it”

Pope Joan

WHEN I TELL U

this is someone spiritual to the BONE

“Soul is limitless”

I got the ‘I will turn the world upside down to find you’ vibe too

Like

They know Jungkook is their person

And honestly? They are thriving to just watch how the universe is trying to apologize to them by putting Jungkook on their path

Someone very wise, more so in the sense of life than academic type

Parvati

THIS IS A PAST LIFE CONNECTION

like- really really had it coming for both of them

“I am a love that doesn’t leave”

They are also very very committed to this connection

They put their 110% spiritual self on this

I sensed the ‘healer meets healer’ type of connection once they meet

Also

Since this is a very old soul I feel like their soul journey is almost over and Jungkook is kind of a legacy for their learnings.

As always I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to request any other general tarot reading! Have a great day! I promise I’m working on all my other requests, this reading just suddenly came to me and i just had to do it.

[splendidly-secret-sick-fics]

Ooo! What about Kuroo feeling really unwell during training camp while training with Bokuto, Akaashi, Tsukki, Hinata and Lev? He's probably felt bad for a while, but just suffered through. So when everything becomes too much, a panicking Hinata runs to get Kenma... and you can decide the rest.

Only if you're comfortable with writing it though! Have a nice day!

Leaders Don’t Cry: a Kuroo sickfic

Pairing: sick Kuroo, caretakers Kenma, Tsukki, Bokuto, Akaashi, kinda Hinata & Lev

Word Count: 4,266

Warnings: vomit, swearing, slight emetophobia, and sad Kuroo :(

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Thanks for the request friend :) I’ve only ever written Kuroo & Kenma as side characters, so this was kinda fun!!

I’m not super super happy with the overall product, but that’s alright. I do feel like maybe it’s not super cohesive? Idk. Let me know!! I look forward to improving my characterization of Kuroo and Kenma.

———————————————————-

Kuroo was a Leader. He was someone that others looked up to. Someone you could depend on.

Leaders were extroverts though, and Kuroo had to admit he did his best Recharging alone in his room or the quiet company of the Kenma. That’s an Introvert Thing, apparently. Even when he was young, too many people or too much social interaction drained him. Another Introvert Thing.

When he met Kenma and started playing volleyball, it seemed he naturally outgrew his Introvert Model, shedding his shy, intimidated outer-self. It was easily replaced with the Extrovert Model.

Now, Kuroo liked being surrounded by his team and his friends and he liked meeting new people. That’s an Extrovert Thing. So Kuroo was an Extrovert.

(“That makes you an Introverted Extrovert, Kuro,” Kenma told him one day. Kuroo didn’t understand how that could possibly be a thing.)

As an Extrovert, it was only natural that he became the captain of his volleyball team his third year. It was only natural that he was the Bridge between Karasuno and the Tokyo powerhouse schools.

(Kenma claimed, when the two of them were alone at least, that it was really his friendship with Chibi-Chan and their coaches that did that. Kuroo refused to concede this point.)

As the Leader and Bridge, it was again only natural that not only his team, but also other teams’ players were drawn to his wisdom and sparkling personality.

(“You forced yourself on them,” Kenma sighed.)

And that’s how he, Kuroo Tetsuro, Certified Extroverted Leader, came to be in Gym Three, long after their main practice ended with two of Karasuno’s first years, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Lev.

And that’s also how he ended up in the Worst Possible Situation.

It went down like this.

They were at another training camp with the Fukurodani Group and Regular Guests, Karasuno High. It was a short one, thrown together quickly because of the long weekend.

After much convincing (read: coercion) from him and Bokuto, Tsukishima Kei agreed to join them again for blocking practice. They pushed because Kuroo couldn’t stand to watch this kid’s talent waste away and Bokuto was personally offended that Tsukki still didn’t seem to enjoy volleyball.

It should have come as no surprise that Karasuno’s Hinata Shoyo joined in again, determined to redeem himself from his previous loss at the last camp.

And then because Haiba Lev decided that Chibi-chan and him were rivals, he joined in too.

(Akaashi claimed he had no choice but to join. It was either endless practice or endless Dejected Bokuto. Kuroo thinks he’s just masochistic.)

Their first night was awesome. He saw a fire ignited in Tsukki and got to smash Bokuto’s spikes back in his face. Plus, his ego was boosted because the three first years were all wowed by his skill.

Tonight, however, was not great. If he was honest with himself, things were bad from the second he woke up, and promptly wanted to curl back into his futon.

His head hurt and his body ached. The sounds of his team waking up and getting ready for the day set his nerves on edge the second he heard them. He felt overcrowded and overstimulated and he wasn’t even out of bed yet.

It had all the signs of a Recharge Alone Day, but it was the last full day of a training camp in which he was supposed to be a Leader. So, he pushed that all aside and got up to go lead.

As the day progressed, Kuroo gave more and more thought to Kenma’s “Introverted Extrovert” theory. He still loved his team and wanted to be around them. He did want to participate in the games and hang out with the other teams.

He also so so very badly wanted to sit in the dark for the next several hours.

Kuroo’s headache only grew more insistent as the day went on, likely due to the sounds of squeaking shoes, bouncing volleyballs, and the too warm summer heat. He got increasingly more fidgety and nervous all day and it made him uncomfortable in his own skin. That, added to the already ever-present soreness of his limbs only served to make him more miserable.

But he was the Captain, so he shoved those feelings down, ignored his headache, and tried to act as normal as possible. For the most part, his plan worked and no one bothered him about what might be wrong. Kenma was the only one that eyed him suspiciously every time his Extrovert facade slipped a little. At the end of the regular practice, his best friend approached him slowly.

“Hey,” he said, his voice quiet as usual.

“Kenma! What’s up, dude?” Kuroo forced, trying to maintain his usual Extrovert Mode.

“Cut the crap, Kuro,” Kenma sighed, blunt and exhausted as usual.

“Kenma, what are you—“

“Are you sick?”

The question caught Kuroo off guard. Was he sick? He thought it was just an Introvert Day that he had to push through. Maybe Kenma had a point though? It wasn’t like he normally felt this drained during a training camp. That usually came after the camp ended.

“No,” he eventually replied and waved his hand, “nah. Just tired. I think practicing with the guys at night took more of my energy than usual.” That must be it. He didn’t usually have to put out that much energy after practice. Lev, Hinata, and Bokuto were all True Extroverts, after all. Unlike Kuroo, who just molded himself into one. It made sense.

Kenma studied him with wide eyes before relenting and saying “Don’t push yourself, Kuro.”

“I won’t, don’t worry. I am a little tired though so maybe I’ll forgo evening prac—“

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata ran up to them, “are we practicing again today?? I want you to show me that cool wha-BAM block again!!” He jumped up and slammed his hands down, most likely trying to imitate exactly what he was trying to convey. All the loud explanation did was call attention back to his headache.

“Shoyo, Kuro was actually just saying that he was—“

“On my way to look for you Chib-chan!” Kuroo interrupted. Kenma narrowed his eyes at him, but Kuroo couldn’t deny the little red headed twerp.

“Let’s go grab something to eat and then we’ll round up the others.”

Hinata looked at him with those stupid starry eyes and nodded before running off to pester Tsukishima. Kuroo deflated some.

“Kuro. It’s okay to take breaks. I know you think that this is what you should be doing as Captain, but it’s alright to say no sometimes,” Kenma said.

“I know, Kenma,” Kuroo smiled gently, ignoring the uneasy feeling in his gut, “Thank you for looking out, but I’m fine! It’s only one more day. Tomorrow afternoon once everyone’s gone, I’ll just hang out in my room. You can come over if you want and play that new game I bought.”

Kenma studied him again before letting out a long-suffering exhale.

“Sure. Sounds good.”

After they ate, the six of them met up in Gym Three for another three on three. On the outside, things were going well. On the inside, Kuroo’s head was quickly descending into chaos.

He pretended that Bokuto, Lev and Hinata weren’t too loud. He pretended that he had enough energy to show them the same move seven times. He pretended he was enjoying this.

All the while, his headache slowly transitioned into a migraine, his limbs got heavier, and his dinner swirled in his stomach nauseatingly. It took maximum effort to stay awake, let alone play a three on three with three of the most energetic people he’d ever met before.

It all came to a head when his feet slammed down after blocking one of Bokuto’s cross shots. The power behind those normally made him stumble upon landing, but this time it sent a sharp pain shooting through his head and stars dance in his vision. He couldn’t regain his footing, and he stumbled onto his ass.

“Kuroo-san?” Akaashi asked when he didn’t get back up. He couldn’t get back up. The stars were still there and he couldn’t really find his feet.

“Y-yeah?” he stuttered.

“Hey, hey, hey, Kuroo, you alright my man?” Bokuto’s voice boomed and he winced before he could stop himself.

“Kuroo-san? What’s wrong?” Akaashi was kneeling beside him now. He could tell by the proximity of his voice.

“Just a a little...dizzy,” he forced a laugh, trying to play it off. He squeezed his eyes shut and brought a hand up to squeeze at his temples. What the hell was happening?

“Kuroo-san! Do you want some water?” Hinata’s voice rang and clanged in his head. He groaned.

“Kuroo-san, don’t die!!” Lev’s voice pounded. He grimaced.

“Would you idiots keep it down?” Tsukishima, beautiful, quiet Tsukishima commanded.

“Hey, Stupid we’re just trying to help!” Hinata screeched.

“And clearly he’s got a headache, you massive dolt. Keep your volume down,” Tsukki snapped back. Kuroo would thank him if the room would stop spinning.

Suddenly, a hand was on his forehead.

“You’ve got a fever,” Akaashi stated.

Oh. Well, Kenma was right after all. He was sick. The confirmation snapped something into place and all of his emotions, his control, whooshed out of him in one fell swoop. All the symptoms he ignored all day came to the very front of his mind and all he could think about was how miserable he felt.

“Oh,” he choked around the abrupt knot in his throat. He blinked his eyes open and turned to look at Akaashi. The setter was serious as ever, but there was a small frown on his lips and tiny furrow to his brows.

“Bokuto-san, can you bring me your warm up jacket?”

Bokuto nodded and quickly, but thankfully quietly, brought their jackets over and Akaashi draped it around Kuroo’s shoulders.

“Kuroo-san, do you want to lie down?” he soothed.

“Akaashi, I don’t feel good,” he muttered. There was a burning in his eyes and a quiver to his lips that he really wished would go away.

“I know. We’ll get you to your room, but first, I need you to get yourself together some.”

“I don’t...I don’t feel good,” he said, an all too evident shake in his voice. This is not what Leaders do. But he felt so terrible, there was nothing he could do to prevent this sudden onslaught of emotions. Before he knew it, warm tears rolled down his flushed cheeks.

“Kuroo-san!” Hinata screeched. Tsukishima smacked him upside the head. He glared and rubbed the back of his head.

“Kuroo-san,” he tried again, quieter this time, “don’t cry, please. It’s okay!”

Kuroo couldn’t help it. He appreciated Hinata’s attempts at comfort, but he was so drained and he was so sick and he couldn’t help it.

“Kuroo, what can we do to help, man?” Bokuto asked gently, much to his and Akaashi’s (flustered and very evident) surprise. He sat down by Kuroo and rubbed a hand soothingly up and down his back. It helped for a second, but then it just made his skin crawl and his stomach turn.

“I I don’t...I don’t know,” he whimpered pitifully, “I don’t feel good.” He exhaled and dropped his chin to his chest. The downward spiral of both his physical and mental condition brought him further and further into his own self-incurred misery. He needed someone else to be the leader. Anyone.

“Ahhhh, Kuroo-san.” Hinata flailed.

“What about Kenma?” Lev whisper-yelled. Hinata’s spine straightened sharply.

“Good idea, Lev! I know where he is. I’ll go get him!” Hinata proclaimed and ran out.

“Kuroo, what doesn’t feel good?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo inhaled shakily.

“Head.. my head hurts. And I’m sore and uh and my st-stomach,” he responded through panting breaths.

“There’s a stomach bug that just hit a couple of the player’s on Shinzen’s team,” Tsukishima supplied helpfully.

“Sounds like you might’ve picked that up, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi clicked his tongue.

This was news to him. It must’ve just happened because usually the captains kept each other up to date on those kinds of things as soon as they could. If that was true, that would explain why it came on so quickly. He was fine yesterday. Even just a few hours ago, he was nothing but a little groggy. Now it felt like he got hit by a bus.

If it was a stomach bug, that meant….

“No, no,” he panicked, “no I don’t want that.” He wrapped his hands around his swirling stomach.

“Kuroo, calm down. It’s alright. You’re gonna make it worse,” Bokuto said. Kuroo shook his aching head.

“No I hate throwing up, Bo,” he whimpered and dropped his head to look at his shaking hands.

“Oh…” Akaashi breathed, “do you feel like you might?”

“I don’t know,” he said again. Because he didn’t want to. He absolutely did not want to puke. Not in front of these first years. That might ruin all of his credibility as an upperclassmen, let alone the Captain of a powerhouse school.

Geez, what a pitiful and pathetic display he was putting on. He was supposed to be someone these kids looked up to, and now they were helping him.

“Here,” Tsukishima said, handing Akaashi and Bokuto a bucket from the supply room. Kuroo eyed it distastefully.

“It’s just in case, Kuroo-san!” Lev tried. But the more Kuroo got worked up in spite of himself, the more he realized that wasn’t true. His current emotional state wreaked havoc on his head, which in turn twisted his gut.

Several minutes passed and Kuroo took the time to collect himself so that he could get it together enough to go to his room. At least there he could be miserable and pathetic alone.

While he was able to get himself to stop crying, the come down from the sudden rush of emotions only made his other symptoms that much more prevalent.

Kuroo groaned miserably, “where’s Kenma?”

“Hinata-kun has gone to get him. He’ll be back soon hopefully.”

“Akaashi, I don’t feel good,” he whined and curled tighter in on himself.

“I know,” Akaashi said.

“Feels… bad…” he swallowed thickly.

“Kuroo…” Tsukishima warned. He shook his head.

“‘M sorry,” he mumbled. Something heaved in his stomach and he pulled his shoulders up to his ears and brought the back of his hand to his mouth.

“Y’guys should go,” he said around the pool of saliva in his mouth and the heaviness of his jaw. Who he was talking to at this point, he wasn’t sure. He just knew that being around him right now was only asking to catch this. He also knew he was about to puke and he really wanted to try and maintain some of his dignity.

“Too late for that, numbskull. We’ve been around you for days. If we’re gonna catch it, we’re gonna catch it. Might as well make sure you don’t die,” Tsukishima said. Kuroo, behind his mounting nausea and hazy brain, was touched by his salty kouhai’s attempt at comfort.

“I think he meant he doesn’t want you to see him spew, Tsukkidude,” Bokuto murmured. His hand was still on Kuroo’s back and while it was more comforting than bothersome now, it also served to swirl things around in his stomach and brain. He nodded lethargically.

“Kuroo-san, if you could, uh— please, just, um...wait...for Kenma-san, I think it would make you feel, uh, better. To have him here, that is. Instead of...uh...me,” Akaashi stammered. Kuroo heard the nervousness in his voice and felt bad. There wasn’t much he could do to stave off the inevitable though.

“You squeamish, ‘Kaashi?” Bokuto asked.

“Uhhhh,” Akaashi hesitated, high pitched, “maybe a little.”

“Bo,” Kuroo panted, punctuated by a sick hiccup.

“I gotcha, buddy. Bucket’s right here,” Bokuto reassured and placed the bucket in his lap. “You can leave guys, I got this.” He said to the other three.

“Yeah...I’m gonna take you up on that,” Lev said uneasily. “Sorry Kuroo-san.” He bowed and then sprinted out of the gym. Tsukishima looked more hesitant, but ultimately bowed and left as well.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto said right as Kuroo spit into the bucket. The sounds of their conversation faded in and out with the rest of Kuroo’s surroundings. All he could fully register was the lump of something nasty moving up his chest. All he could see was the blinding red color of the bucket.

A few airy burps that grated his throat passed through his parted lips. He whimpered.

“It’s alright, Kuroo,” Bokuto’s voice filtered through the haze. He gagged.

It hurt. It hurt so badly. Each heave, gag and hiccup that plagued him for the next several moments.

Where was Kenma?

Kuroo coughed, hiccupped, and a small stream of vomit trailed out of his mouth. It wasn’t enough. It still hurt. He wheezed.

“Hey, Kuroo-san, try to take deep breaths,” Akaashi’s shaky voice commanded.

“Can’t,” he gasped, coughing up more bile.

Fuck he wanted this to be over.

Cough, gasp, puke. The painful, horrific cycle repeated for several tense minutes. It didn’t relieve any of his discomfort.

Bokuto patted his back and tried to offer comforting words. Akaashi wouldn’t look at Kuroo, but he was there, another steady presence to offer some grounding to Kuroo.

“Kuroo- san! I found Kenma!” Hinata’s voice cut through his misery. “He was in the shower. I’m sorry it took so long!”

“Kuro,” Kenma said, voice calm, blunt, comforting. He took Akaashi’s place at his side, his Snorlax slippers and ratty sweatpants taking up Kuroo’s peripheral.

“I don’ feel good,” Kuroo told him around the bile coating his mouth. Kenma put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“I gathered that,” he said with amusement, “it’s okay. Just relax.”

Kuroo shook his head. Relaxing meant letting this happen. He did not want it to happen.

“Tetsu, don’t be an ass,” Kenma sighed, exasperated.

“Kenma,” he whimpered. The hand on his shoulder squeezed again.

“How long has he been like this?” Kenma directed at someone else in the room.

“About 15 minutes,” Akaashi’s shaky voice answered.

“Shit, Tetsuro, why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Kenma asked. Kuroo shook his head slowly.

“Didn’ re’lize,” he slurred. His stomach cramped and his inhaled sharply through his teeth and gripped tightly at his shirt. As soon as the cramp passed, he gagged, his body jolting forward.

“Uh, I’m gonna—I’m gonna go,” Hinata stuttered out and then Kuroo heard his tiny feet run from the gym.

“Can you two go get Nobuyuki and Yaku from the Nekoma quarters? I’m sure Lev is looking for them, but he’s an idiot,” Kenma demanded of Akaashi and Bokuto, the inflection behind his voice commanding and unwavering. It comforted Kuroo in ways he didn’t understand.

Despite how it appeared to onlookers, Kenma was alway the one taking care of Kuroo. More than Kuroo took care of him, anyway. The setter always knew exactly what Kuroo needed before he even said anything. He was passive most of the time, content to let things be, but stubborn and steadfast when he needed to be. Which was something that Kuroo was grateful for, too prone to letting his emotions take over. Kenma was a sturdy support for Kuroo when he was at his weakest.

“They’re gone, Testsu. Relax and let it happen. It’s just you and me,” Kenma told him. He put his forehead on the top of Kuroo’s matted, sweaty hair. The parts of Kenma’s hair that touched Kuroo were wet and cold. It felt nice. 

The uncharacteristic gentle action from Kenma made something in Kuroo’s chest twinge and he whimpered, fresh tears dropping into the bucket.

Kuroo could be himself with Kenma. He didn’t need to be the Captain or a Leader or an Extrovert or even an Introverted Extrovert. He could just be Kuroo.

“Just us, Tetsu,” Kenma said and pulled his head back.

Kuroo inhaled slowly, deeply and exhaled, trying to relax his shoulders and back. It didn’t take much more for his stomach to finally find relief.

A gurgling hiccup brought up a small stream of bile and he coughed. Another hiccup brought a little more. Then finally, he belched, wet and heady, and heaved, a much stronger torrent of disgusting vomit moving up his chest and out of his mouth.

“There ya go,” Kenma sighed. He moved Kuroo’s unruly hair, made more disgusting by the sheen of sweat covering his forehead, back and away from his face. Kuroo lurched forward with a gag, bringing up more of his dinner.

“Holy shit, Kuro, that’s some fever. I’m sorry you’ve felt so bad all day,” Kenma whispered. Kuroo shook his head, spitting out the nasty taste in his mouth, trying to find his breath before the next round. 

He didn’t get much of a chance before he heaved again.

“God,” he slurred between wretches.

“It’s alright. Calm down,” Kenma instructed.

He puked twice more before his stomach settled for the time being.

“Kenma...please…” he whispered, gesturing for him to move the bucket away.

“Here,” Kenma handed him a water, “drink this first. Rinse out your mouth.” Kuroo did as he was told and spit into the bucket. Kenma took it away after that and Kuroo thanked him quietly. He inhaled, bringing his head up and looking at Kenma for the first time since the setter got there.

Kenma’s eyebrows were furrowed ever so slightly, a subtle pout on his lips. He brushed Kuroo’s bangs back again.

“Thanks, Kenma,” he smiled weakly. Kenma clicked his tongue.

“You’re an idiot,” he sighed. It lacked any of its usual blunt edge.

“Kuroo!!” Kai called out, running into the gym. They were both wearing medical masks, a couple more in their hands.

“Hey,” he said sheepishly, a hand on the back of his neck.

“I knew something was wrong. You really are such a dumbass,” Yaku said, a hand on his hip and an eyebrow raised. He was as blunt as usual.

“Thanks, Yaku. You’re as gentle as ever.”

“Yeah, well. Can’t help it when you decide to push yourself to this point,” he said, turning his face away. “Idiot,” he added as an afterthought. Kuroo couldn’t see his cheeks behind his mask, but his ears were red.

“You alright Kenma? Here,” Kai asked and handed Kenma a mask. Kenma shook his head.

“Too late for that,” he sighed.

“Yeah, but several of Shinzen and Fukurodani’s players have gone down with the same thing as our fearless leader here. We’re trying to contain it so it doesn’t spread more,” Kai explained.

“Yeah. Exactly. You wear one too, Kuroo,” Yaku insisted. Kuroo didn’t like the idea of having his mouth covered, but he also didn’t like the idea of spreading this wretched fate to others.

Kenma and Kuroo took the masks and then Yaku pulled some meds out of the bag on his shoulder and handed them to him. Kuroo’s lip curled, but Kenma pinched his elbow and he relented. They hit his stomach with a hollow thud.

Kai held a hand out to help Kuroo up. As soon as he stood, his knees buckled and black spots danced in his vision. Kai quickly caught him around his waist and threw Kuroo’s arm around his shoulder.

“Try not to pass out until we get back to the quarantine room. It’d make things difficult,” Yaku said. Kuroo would’ve rolled his eyes if he had the energy.

Together, they made it back to the classrooms (repurposed as sleeping quarters for the camp). There was a room for people who already puked and one for anyone experiencing symptoms. Kuroo was shocked to find Akaashi there, leaning over a trash can, Bokuto rubbing his back, as well as several Shinzen players, a couple Ubugawa players, and the setter from Karasuno.

Hinata was there as well, sitting beside Kageyama with his arms crossed and a disgruntled look on his face.

Yaku set up a new futon for Kuroo and Kai helped him settle into it. He immediately curled up on his side, exhaling in relief.

They asked if he needed anything, promised to bring him a change of clothes, and left. Kenma saw them out but then came back and plopped himself down beside Kuroo.

“You can go, Kenma,” he said, looking up at him with one eye open. Kenma shrugged.

“I wouldn’t leave you,” he said plainly. Like it wasn’t embarrassing at all. Kuroo smiled to himself.

“What’s with Chibi-Chan?” He asked in lieu of a response. Kenma snickered.

“His team sent him here when Kageyama came down with the bug. Apparently their “secret relationship” isn’t so secret.”

Kuroo chuckled. That was probably why Akaashi and Bokuto were both here as well.

“You know,” Kenma said.

“Hmm,” Kuroo replied sleepily.

“No one thinks you’re less of a Leader just because you’re sick. It happens to everyone. Doesn’t mean you’re not still someone other people look up to,” Kenma said quietly, matter-of-fact.

“Mmm.. you’re right,” he muttered back. He was. Kuroo knew that. He appreciated the reminder though.

“Go to sleep, Tetsu,” Kenma said and stretched his legs out beside Kuroo. He ran his fingers through Kuroo’s hair. Sleep called to him and his eyes slowly closed.

He woke up several times before the next morning, because of other people puking, because he needed to puke and once when Kenma puked, swearing Kuroo out for getting him sick.

He apologized profusely and pulled Kenma’s hair back with the hair tie he kept on his wrist.

Kuroo was a Leader. Someone other people liked and looked up to.

Sometimes Leaders needed someone to lean on too, he supposed. Thank goodness he had Kenma.

[goshi-kun]

Nekoma with an Intimidating Manager Who's Actually a Softie

Summary: you have a pretty intimidating aura but that doesn't stop the train of love that comes with managing the nekoma high volleyball club!

Nekoma x gn reader!! :)

Warnings: kuroo tetsurou 😐 jk i love him haa ha 

When you first started managing for Nekoma things started off really weird. There was some kind of tension between you all that you didn't quite understand.

The day you had been introduced to the team is when the tensions arose. You had known Kuroo since he was in one of your classes and he was extremely good at getting on every last nerve in your body- 😭 He finally got you to agree to become their manager after many weeks of pestering on his end.

***

"Oh, just so you guys are aware. I got someone to be our manager." Kuroo really didn't think it was gonna be as big of a deal as it was but everyone was immediately interested in who the new mystery manager was!

Questions like, "WHO!!??" "How do you know them?" "Are they cute??" "What's their name??" flew through the gym.

"Calm down jeez. Their name is Y/n and I advise against bombarding them with questions when they come by after practice tomorrow." Kuroo then left it at that. Only bothering to answer one of the many questions lmao.

It was the day after Kuroo brought you to the team's attention. You were kinda nervous about meeting them. They were all huge volleyball boys 🧍...you weren't scared exactly but you were worried that they would be put off by you. You had a bit of a reputation…

You didn't really talk to people. Not because you didn't like them just because you didn’t really care? You didn't need socializing to survive so you kinda kept to yourself most of the time.

People started to become pretty intimidated by you. You had no clue why, but you also didn't mind at the time and just let people think what they wanted.

So you can expect that when you walked into the gym for the first time your intimidating aura was the first thing the boys noticed.

You stood by the door you had just opened kinda confused on what to do next. All eyes were on you instantly and you were desperately trying to find Kuroo in the small crowd of GIANTS! You did eventually and Kuroo jogged over to you so he could introduce you to the team properly.

“Okay guys this is Y/n. They're gonna be our new manager so be normal please.” The gym was quiet for once. Everyone was giving you strange looks. They weren't necessarily glaring at you, but it was definitely uncomfortable in a way. You, wanting to make a good impression tried to lighten the mood.

“Woah, stare daggers at me any longer and I might bleed out.” Okay yeah it was morbid, but c’mon you were trying here!

Yeah things were definitely awkward to start out. No matter what you did the team was always so..intimidated by you? You weren’t quite sure. All you knew was that Yaku avoided you, Teketora was 10x more anxious near you than any other person you’ve seen him around, and Kenma wouldn’t even dare look your way. Kai and Kuroo tried to reassure you by saying that it was normal behavior for them, but you knew deep down what was up.

But, at the end of the day, you needed an extracurricular activity and you told Kuroo you would be a manager. Not wanting to go back on your word you decided to stay.

In the beginning of your volleyball journey it was like the manager and the team were in two separate worlds. The most interaction that would be between you all would be when you gave them water bottles. Jeez you even made that look scary. You didn't mean to be so intimidating or whatever, but it was just your pure nature as a person.

It worked for you in the end. You weren’t bothered by the lack of people's presence and actually felt unburdened by it at some points, but that didn’t mean you didn't want to at least become acquaintances with the team you would be spending a fair amount of time with.

You left practice early one afternoon and Kuroo took this as a chance to talk to the team about the awkward aura that was there every practice. It had been a week since you became manager and Kuroo couldn’t help but feel guilty. He was the one that got you into this predicament after all.

“Alright everybody! Gather up we need to talk about a few things.”

The group conversation started off with the “rudeness” that the team members were displaying. Leave it to Kuroo to add a lecture into what was supposed to be a simple conversation.

Kuroo placed his concerns and was curious as to why the tensions were so high. See Kuroo never looked at you as intimidating. A loner? Well sure, but that’s nothing he’s not used to. He meshes well with people like that. So you can only imagine his surprise when the team confides that they are actually pretty scared by your presence.

He totally thought they were dumbasses- cue another Kuroo mom lecture.

At the end you can say the team started looking at things from your perspective. They didn’t have much to say on the matter and the situation seemed to end there. That is, until next practice.

When you walked into the gym the following day you were greeted by one awkward wave from Inuoka. You waved back, but you were still confused. The energy between the players and you was still awkward, but now it kinda felt like..pity awkwardness? Whatever it was, it seriously weirded you out at first.

You decide to brush it off and continue with your manager duties. Until you get a call from your younger sister's school.

To your surprise it was your sister on the other end of the phone, not the school officials. She had gotten really hurt during her break period.

“What? Are you okay? Oh my god breathe it’s okay-” The panic in your voice could be heard throughout the gym and caught everyone's attention.

The conversation was mostly you worrying for your sister and making sure she was okay. After you were reassured you ended the call.

You were startled when you realized half of the team was looking at you with unreadable expressions. Was that- Was that shock on their faces?

“Um..uh Kuroo-san I’m sorry, but my younger sister needs me to pick her up. Our mother isn’t available. Is it alright if I leave?” You rush the words out of your mouth. You were made uncomfortable after realizing everyone heard you become your softer self while on the phone with your dear sister.

“Go ahead Y/n, no worries.” Kuroo was even surprised by your parent-like nature when it came to your younger sibling.

You exit the gym leaving the team beside themselves. Had they really read you the wrong way this whole time? In all honesty they felt extremely guilty. Even Kenma thought about how he had avoided you.

Now the next day was something else-

You enter the gym after your last class like normal, but somethings different. Your body is being pushed to the floor by..one..two..seven?? People?? Or maybe more! You couldn’t quite tell because you were being smothered in a group hug right as you walked through the doors.

“We’re sorry Y/n!!! We appreciate you!!” “We’ll never avoid you again!!” Yeah, they were babies and most certainly dumbasses, but you couldn’t deny that it felt good to have some support on your side. You finally felt accepted into this group of unique characters and it made your heart happy.

After that day things start becoming amazing. Your dynamic with the team is something people envied. You would help them practice and they would help you study, babysit, vent, whatever you needed they were there!

It’s known Nekoma isn’t the most popular group in the school, but the people who were more than non supporters made themselves less known when the school found out you were the manager. The team was grateful to say the least.

You were there to protect them from harm like some kind of hero and you were perfectly fine with that. It’s not like you were gonna go rumble with random kids to “defend the team's honor” -Kuroo’s words not yours. But it did feel nice to be somewhat of a protective blanket and they would give you the same energy in return.

Some weirdo bothering you? Well congrats you now have about 10 bodyguards. You’re welcome.

Kenma even lets you play his games when you’re bored during practice. He always reminds the team that you're the only one he tolerates-

Kuroo is still Kuroo and you were glad to have him a solid supporter during this whole thing. Yaku and Teketora warmed up extremely quickly. Yaku because you were another strong minded person he could agree with and Teketora because he thought you were “badass”.

The first years warmed up to you as well! You were honestly a parental figure and yeah it was weird getting used to having a whole volleyball team as your children, but hey that’s life.

In the end the team and you create an amazing dynamic. Yeah it was a bit of a rocky start, but that’s the past. You had many more memories to make with your new found family. <3

Thank you for reading 🤍

~~~

well um- yeah this is a thing. idk i had the urge to write something random so take this- 😭 okay love ya’ll stay hydrated 🤍

[syubub]

SOULMATE READING- TAEHYUNG

First of all, sorry about the pic. Second is the disclaimer. This is a tarot reading meant for entertainment only. Thirdly, I decided to do each member as an individual post bc I think it's less hassle that way 💕

Okay

Okay. So. Wow.

I don't know where to start with Tae. His soulmate and him have the most ideal relationship. The cards for the relationship aspect is 100% soulmate vibes. I mean come on, the 2 of cups (soulmate card), 4 of wands (marriage) and the lovers all right next to eachother? Hot damn. They definitely travel together a lot and his Soul Bae might be a good entrepreneur? Idk but they are both financially set.

I think we should start with physical attributes first. I have a strong feeling that they will be naturally blonde or have blonde hair at the time they meet. The color yellow is also important (Taes energy is very yellowish gold to me. Coincidence?). I also get the sense that this is an old soul. May be older than Tae but definitely an old soul. A youthful face. Sort of fun yet intimidating look to them. They might have sharp features (specifically eyes which could be a grayish brown? Possibly even have heterochromia? Might have light freckles. Puts effort into the way they look but also just wakes up looking flawless. Might be from abroad. His soulmate might be very interested in France, have a very French aesthetic or lived in France. His soulmate is very much like him. Relatively tall? Modelish but unconventional, like kinda built, lanky, boxy. Strong legs. Wavy hair? Idk. A balance of masculine and feminine traits. The type to enjoy being fancy but also super down to play video games and can definitely out drink Tae. Definitely. Looks good in sweats lol.

onto how/where they'll meet. It might be when he is alone at a museum in France standing in front of a statue of Venus (It popped into my head and i couldn't not write it down) or perhaps when one party is traveling and they meet on a hike or in nature or something like that. Possibly even at a work function. As for when they meet. It is up to both parties to decide to come into union spiritually. If that makes sense? They both will be drawn to eachother when the time is right for them.

Onto this person's personality. Earthy influences. Romantic!!! Romantic. So romantic. Their love language is words of affirmation. This person is very chivalrous? Idk like this person is very gentlemanly? Like, they want to take care of tae and will open doors for him and stuff. Makes him chocolate covered strawberries. Also very intune to ~otherworldly~ things. Lowkey a psychic. Idk why but this person it like guided by Taes guides sometimes? Like, they'll just pop in. And like, when it's time for them to meet, Tae grandma will give him every fucking sign to be like, "THIS ONE!! THIS IS YOUR SOULMATE, KID!" (Also, topic for a different day but i have a mad feeling that Tae communicates with the dead, specifically his grandma, and that's why he trust/ relies on his "angels" so much.) I don't want to be insensitive or step on toes or anything but like Taes grandma probably communicates with Taes soulmate too? And like, I keep getting an image of Tae and his soulmate sharing dreams? Idk it's a lot. And I think I've said it before but Taes soulmate is... massive... like, energy wise. Theres almost like an archaic, out of this world feeling to this person and they have to be spiritual or imma shout. Like, this person. Is. Crazy. Idk what's up but it's almost like there's a wall? Like, I'm not privy to it because my small little fragile conciousness would shatter in its presence? Maybe a bit dramatic but there is a lot behind this person and their union with Tae. This person has been through a lot and might be closing an old chapter in their life when Tae comes in. This person might feel lost? Like, they have such massive energy but human life is stupid and confusing and they dont know how to channel energy into productivity? Might also fear abandonment and commitment so they have a hard time really connecting with people because they get attached easily and are afraid to lose them. An empath? Very creative and able to manifest pretty much anything. For archetype cards, I got: artist, shape-shifter, knight, messiah. Very very creative and can probably draw in experience from different levels of conciousness? Like this person is an artsy, spiritual Joan of Arc.

So. Cards about their situation are Soul Family and Inner Temple. Essentially they both need to awaken and call eachother in. They need to fully be themselves and just exist!

Cards to Tae from his Soul Bae: progress, not perfection, answered prayers, unconventionality, big bold vision, beyond the mind the heart beats, sacred fool.

Okay. His Soulmate is a funny one, I'll get to that soon, but also very genuine. Like this person wants to see him grow and Express full potential. Bae wants him to stop caring what others think and be weird! Theres stuff he doesn't talk about with other people (perhaps the fact that hes way more spiritually intune than most. Not by choice either though. He was born with this shit. He probably saw faeries as a kid and shit) Bae wants him to settle back and listen to his inner self and nurture what's already there. This is a line from the description of sacred fool, "Don't try to be appropriate, don't try to be socially acceptable and worry about what others may think about what you are doing-just be. If you want to wear a mad hat whilst doing so, fine." Bae wants him to have fun and do whatever the fuck he wants to do because Tae being happy is what's important. Like, if Tae went and bought a literal circus and was like, "this is my dream, its who I am" Bae would be like, "...are you sure?" And if he was sure, then his soulmate would double check everything, make sure hes safe and dive in head first with him. It's very supportive but also his soulmate is practical. Like, his soulmate wouldn't willingly let him do anything that would directly harm him or ruin his life, you know? This is his guardian angel. His love. His tried and true. One and only. It's ridiculous and they will have kids and a farm. Fight me on that.

I wanted to channel a message from his soulmate to him and I got a laugh, something about "our four leaf clover" "He needs a haircut" and, "Tell him he's dense but I'll love him forever in this life and the next. Forever."

Then I thought, well, Jimin is definitely Taes platonic soulmate so like Taes Bae and Chim have to get along and I got the cutest image of Tae, Taes Bae, Jimin and Jimins soulmate all sitting together in a garden drinking tea and laughing and all of their guides are watching them with smiles and the rest of Bangtan and their soulmates come into the garden with their soulmates and it's a cute Soul-party and now I'm super soft.

Theres so much to say about this soulmate union and really even just his soulmate because it's such a powerful energy and I think someday I want to do a part 2 for this because I have lots of questions. I feel like these two can have any sort of life together. Like they both hold the pen and are constantly writing and revising their life scripts. Also, I get the feeling that his soulmate is...hmm.. they give me the feeling that they might not exist? Like they do but at the same time they don't? Or maybe they're just like, deep. Like an onion. I'll put a pin in this for another time but it gives me a deep indigo type of feeling, you know? It's a whole thing. I'll do a part 2 for this.

Last comment. Taes Soul bae has great eyebrows? Idk why but that's a thing apparently.

TLDR

Tae has a fantastic soulmate who is impressively cool, they have the cutest life together and they are definitely going to live the cutest domestic life ever? Also, Tae probably wants to have 6 kids so each kid can have a designated Bangtan Godfather lol. Think artsy-museum-farmer-millionaires who have a house made of Gucci and matching rocking chairs.

Cute cute cute. Like I said, I'll expand on this later! Also, I apologize if it isn't very cohesive or doesn't make a lot of sense. I've been busy and my life is a little messy but I wanted to get this out!

Stay safe💜

[ziracona]

hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!

[whimsywit]

HAI BABES-

I'm immediately going to jump in cause hehe I'm a sucker for matchups.

Can I have a Truffle for Fairy tail (male) please?

Appearance and style:

I'm a female, 5'1ft and 110lbs (154 cm and 50 - 52Kg). I have short black hair and dark brown eyes. I'm also baby faced which can be annoying at times. I'm slight on the chubby side as well but a lot of people tell me I have an avarage body. My body type is rectangle. I'm in between pale and light brown skinned and my skin is littered with moles and scars. I'm a pure Filipino and I have prescription glasses but I can see fine without them. I've often been called a "soft girl" but I really don't have a certain styles. My clothes are often t-shirts, off-shoulders, (of multiple color and style) and any type jeans. But skinny jeans are my favorite! Hoodies and jackets are a must in winter season. Cause my skin is quite temperature sensitive.

Personality:

I'm often described as a chaotic motherly type of person. But really, it depends per person. I love to tease others but it's not often. And I won't tease them if they are sensitive or short tempered. I can be loud and obnoxious at times but I prefer to stay quiet. But with people I'm very close with, I'm just naturally loud. I can also be such a flirt if I wanted too but I only reserve those skills when needed. It's kinda rusty now but I think I still got it! My patience is very long and I don't get annoyed easily. Though push the right buttons, it won't be pretty.

Affection, teasing, and words are my love language. I tend to get just a tad bit grumpy when I don't get affection. I'm a really observant person, so I'm able to pick up emotional cues, habits, and body language. Though it's does take me a while to get the hang of it. I use that to check on people I care about. I try to act tough and strong so I would be a role model, since I'm the oldest child. I also tend to suppress my emotions and even fake them just so no one would be burden of me. I do share them if I trust you enough. I have the habit of subconsciously changing how I act depending on the people I'm with. I can changed from tye baby of the group to the mature mother to the trouble maker and to the quiet child. It usually depends with the group of people I hang out with.

Flaws and strengths:

I can be really insecure and really clingy. My insecurities are usually my body and my abilities. Not only that, I can also be moody, especially on that time of the month. I overthink things a lot. I sometimes even wonder if my friends actually are my friends or they are just tolerating/pity me. Some say I have trust issues (but honestly I don't think I have trust issues I just overthink things). I'm not afraid of material things or the supernatural. I'm afraid of being judged and left alone or abandoned. I also have a slight fear of falling, both literally and metaphorically. I hate the feeling the loneliness.

But I do give good advice, that's what alot of people tell me. My optimism and energy almost always lifts the mood up. I'm great with talking to people. May it be comforting them, persuading, I can do that. I'm also quite good at reading people. Especially if they are close to me and I've been through things alot with them.

Significant other:

Whenever I like someone, it usually ain't obvious to anyone else, since I'm known to be clingy. But, I would be in TOTAL denial of my own feelings and theirs. It takes me about a month or so to realize my feelings WITH help. My closest friend always has to tell me that I like the guy before I would actually realize it for myself. However, towards them, it seems as if I'm normal. But whenever they are gone, my fan girl self comes out and I'll squeal.

In terms of WHAT I want in a significant other. One of the things that is needed is that they don't mind me being clingy. They should also be willing to put up with me in general. As I can be moody and an overthinker, they just have to be able to either deal or tolerate it. However, in terms of their personality, I don't really mind how they would act. As long as they are morally good. Possessive? Sure just don't go over board. Protective? Same as the last one, no over board. I know that relationships aren't perfect so whatever flaws they have. I don't care. Being mean for no reason, not open minded, inconsiderate all the time, are an immediate turn off though.

Random facts:

I usually listen to pop or ballad but I like almostvall types of music. Songs like IDK you yet by Alexander23 or This is gospel by Panic at the disco are some of my favorite. My star sign is Cancer but I don't really believe it but I love learning about it. I'm an INFP-T (The dreamer) and my Hogwarts house is Ravenclaw! I love learning and doing new things. Science is my favorite subject, specifically Biology/Zoology. I sing and write stories as a hobby.

Thanks! 💕💕 If you need any info please don't hesitate to ask me :DD

HAIIII TYSM okay so this one took a bit of thought since you could work well with a lot of people! But I eventually decided you’d mesh best with...

Natsu Dragneel!

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Yep, the big fireball of power himself :D but really he’s the opposite of intimidating, and ngl you’re gonna have to end up playing mother to him a lot, but when you’re in your loud and chaotic moods you’re the b a n e of the whole guild and an unstoppable force of mischief!

Some of the things that’ll put you on his radar are your optimism and your ability to act strong even when you’re struggling, both of which he’d deeply admire, but he also thinks all your little marks are cool as hell! He calls them your own personal dragon scales >:D

You want someone with good morals? This slayers got the strongest moral compass around. Able to handle your clinginess? He’s already super affectionate maybe to the point of forgetting personal space is a thing so there’s no worry there! Plus he’s got his own temper, so he wouldn’t judge you for being moody, and though he might come off as close-minded sometimes, he’s really just hard-headed. Once you explain something to him he’s on board with anything and everything!

Though, with you being oblivious when it comes to love and him being oblivious..... period, it’d take a while for your relationship to start up, and likely some extra intervention from your friends too. But once y’all are together, trust, you’re practically inseparable.

Natsu thinks you’re the cutest thing around, yea he’d have a bad habit of teasing you for your size, but he’d make up for it with his constant blind protectiveness, and the way he’d pick you up and carry you around all the time uwu. It’s actually a really good balance, since you overthink and he doesn’t think enough (have fun with the braincell custody), but he simplifies things for you so you don’t get too caught up in your doubts, and you make him more conscious of others by example. (also just.... you getting cold in the winter and him warming you up or EVEN WRAPPING HIS SCARF AROUND YOU gosh... good stuff sorcerer weekly eats yalls shit up)

Honestly it’s a bit of an odd pair with you two being so different, but Natsu’s always going to support you, whether it’s relieving you of your insecurities or helping you with your science stuff whenever he can (he won’t get it but boy will he help)! And one thing’s for sure, his loyalty is like no other, so you never have to worry about him leaving you alone.

[sunflowerhae]

Okay👁👄👁

I’m not the mom of the group, I’m just the annoying loud one that gives too much affection to her wife, but it’s our one month anniversary of being a gc and I have literally S O MUCH affection to give🥺🥺✋

Abi

Emoji set that reminds me of her: 😊👉👈💘✨😩🤢(this one bc shes h*t, she knows what that says)

-> @earth-to-that-asian

Abi ur my favorite momma literally ever. You’re super shy, which is so cute, and u seem like,,,like? Kinda have ur life? Together? I mean who does really but youre a really good example of where one should probably be at your age. You say “I-“ literally all the time and are always secretly encouraging our bad behavior so all in all ur a great mom. You are also always sending me asks that are just you giving me love and affection and tbh they make me so happy I love you sm and I’m so glad you accepted me into this amazing gc a whole ass month ago

Grace

Emoji set that reminds me of her: 🥺✋💖✨🏳️‍🌈☁️😭💛😍💍

-> @nct127grass

Grace. Grace. GRACE. Idk when we go married, but I think it’s been like a good two weeks? You are my favorite favorite person ever and definitely my favorite Australian (don’t worry luv we don’t hold it against u). Literally I love flirting on main w you and definitely being the best example of a healthy married relationship to the youngies (and abi bc she’s the only one older than us but she’s L O N E L Y and that’s what she gets for being a he-🤢 I can’t even say it). You’re the Jeno to my Jaemin, and I love ur vibe and ur energy sm idk what the gc would be like without u. Maybe I would have left idk we ALL know how I am in gc’s (you’ve all seen the many many screenshots😔) n e ways MY WIFE I LOVE UUUU😍😍😚😍🥰😘😘🥰

Juju

Emoji set that remind me of her: 😌✋😳👀🤑🤰🏼🌞🌼🌹

-> @nanajaems0308

Juju my forever fav memory of u is the first video call we all had when u came a bit late and I accidentally called u abi and elie had to correct me and I wanted to leave the call and the gc and never show my face then and there. You had the cutest lil voice too omg 🥺🥺 I was like “juju protection squad: assembled” although I never said anything hahaha. Ok I think realistically you’re someone who I don’t interact with TOo much. Like ofc we’re friends but we’ve never had like close close talks before, that being said I think you are still literally amazing. YEp! U heard me! A M A Z I N G! I hope no one lets ur cute lil self fool them bc when u get into fights w zainoo I get ScAred like oh my god zainoo is BRAVE brave. I think ur adorable also tho and u definitely are a good friend that cares for the people u love😩🥺🥺🥺😘

Cissy

Emoji set that reminds me of her: ☁️💘🥵👁👅👁🧚🏻‍♀️👑

-> @bbjisungg

cissy you haven’t been in the gc for long, and I kinda forced you to be in it after u were my accomplice, but tbh I couldn’t have asked for a better person to commit crimes w. You were so wildling and open to everything I roped u into, and then when I forced u to join my gc full of cRaCkhEAds, u were just like “sure fam” and then boom u were in. You had to change ur pfp On Instagram and EVERYTHING. I hope u don’t regret joking our mess of a gc, bc I definitely don’t regret making u join. Idk what gc we originally knew each other from, I just remembered knowing who you were, which is why I messaged u to spy for me (bc u were the only other person who I knew in that messy messy gc that I don’t wanna talk abt) and you just like,,I’ve said it befor I’ll say it again THANK U for going w the flow if you had said you wouldn’t do it I would have cried into the gc ur NOW APART OF and elie and abi would have offered to beat ur ass and it would have been a THING but now they’re willing to beat someone’s ass for u so see it’s the cycle of life🤩 I’m drowning on and boring even myself so I wanted to say I hope we all become much much more closer w each other and that ily vv much😩✋💖✨

Zainoo

Emoji set that reminds me of her: 💅🏻🐙🍃✨🍡🔪💌💛

-> @http-stan-nct

Zainoo Imma lay it all out on the line here and say u scare me sometimes 😳✋ you have this strong personality that can sometimes be intimidating but once someone gets to know you, ur actually just a huge softy that hates bugs and wears lemon socks. And Ik it might not seem that way to you, but idk that’s just how you come off to me,,, u are married to another person named gwen, so ofc you’re already ahead in the game - you and grace seem to have it all figured out correctly - and you are just adorable when u get excited abt something and just have to let everyone know ~lemon socks~ u fighting w juju in the chat is genuinely hilarious to watch it’s free entertainment I don’t think I need Netflix anymore , and ur a comedy legend although if me saying that inflates ur ego even a lil bit then I’m out. I LOVE U😩😩😭 oh and ps STOP USING CLOWN EMOJIS TO REACT TO EVEEYTHING I SAY

Elie

Emoji set that reminds me of her: 🔪👁👄👁😭✋😳😩🔪🖤

-> @ciaojunnie

Elie ur the youngest. And yet,? U have the soul of an 80 yr old murderer😌✨ you are literally the toughest person I’ve ever met, and u genuinely scare me sometimes buT I would pay to watch u beat the ppl at ur school up. You’re the queen of the 🏳️‍🌈 scene and I wish I wish We could all protect u from all the ASSHOLES in ur life but just know that even though we’re not there irl, we are always here to listen to you and we’re all older so we can give 10/10 advice (lmao sure) (see even I laughed at that) (6.5/10 maybe!) also I love ur notes (u were making them on the call I think) ALSO the amount of times u CURSE should be ILLEGAL everytime u say s*x or *ss I literally am like “NOOOOooooOOOOO” and grace and abi encourage it which makes me 👊👊👊🤬🤬😡😡😡 at them but not for long bc they’re literally my mom and my wife so- N E WAYS I’m rambling but you I wouldn’t be surprised if you wanted a knife set for ur birthday or something which is iconic and u remind me of a younger me so keep doing u🥺🥺🥺i🥺L🥺y🥺💖

All in all you guys are the best gc I’ve ever been in and I hope we stay friends for a long time guys🥺🥺🥺🥺 I will never forget that my journey into the center of this hell pit of a gc started w a fanfiction abt jaehyuns belly button but it really set the scene for the next coming month so I’m thankful for it. I love u all, ur all eggcellent, and ur my favorite nctzens ever 😩😩😩✋✋✋💌🍃💘😳😳🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 HAPPY 1 MONTH!

[vickyhugo]

okay so i thought long and hard about this and discussed it with multiple people in length and came to the conclusion, that there is one valid answer.

first of all, ask yourself what you want out of your quarantine house. do you want to have a good time? do you want to have good conversations? do you want to fuck? how much annoyance can you take?

my answer is this: i want to fuck as much as possible while also having a good fight. i can busy myself for most of the time but i need some human contact and i’m also super horny atm because testo can be that bitch. i’m also an aries and i need a good fight every once in a while. 

so. we can eliminate most houses as valid options pretty quickly. house 1 has a few iconic authors and i’m sure oscar wilde would be a good fuck, but brecht wrote die dreigroschenoper which i am still angry about as it sends me right back to school and weird adaptations of seeräuber jenny. is brecht an icon for letting jenny rejoice over watching men die? yes, but he is also annoying and probably super full of himself and that’s just too much for me to take.

house 3 has arguably amazing authors, would ayn rand not be there. as much as i’d like to see maya angelou take ayn rand out, the combination of plath’s and kafka’s depressed energy and shirley jackson’s mystery shit would be too exhausting. i want to have a good time not bummed out by the three of them while also being intimidated by maya angelou. i’d probably turn out to be the ayn rand of the house and i really don’t want to live long enough to see myself become the villain. 

house 4 offers some interesting interactions because hubbard and pym would totally clash while stein, mccullers and baldwin would probably get along great and offer amazing gay energy (don’t @ me, mcculler’s best friends were tennessee williams and truman capote and that’s....... gay). at the same time i feel like i would fade in comparison to the others tho and wouldn’t get to experience stein’s top notch strap game (also i’m pretty sure our top energies wouldn’t vibe).

house 5 is an interesting option. dickinson would probably never be seen so we can leave her out. audre lorde is a great argument to choose this house as she probably is the warmest person to be quarantined with. also it offers the opportunity to tell ts eliot about cats (2019). nevertheless, we have nabokov who i heard was pretty much an asshole, and garcía marquez, who arguably is a great author but has been ruined for me because i read all of john green’s books when i was a teenager and associate garcía marquez with my cringy teenage years now. would probably be irrationally pissed at garcía marquez and start a fight the first day which would leave me with too many enemies.

house 6. i would fight james joyce and ernest hemingway every day, and i’m sure zora neal hurston and dorothy parker would gladly help me. i’m also sure that although i’d fight hemingway he’d still find the jokes i’d make about finnegan’s wake hilarious. at the same time, i’d probably drink wayyyy too much because these dudes just can’t reel it in, and i’d end up fighting mailer because he killed his wife and i’m way too much of a gentleman to leave that unpunished. after a few days of intense fighting and alienating half of the people in the house, i’d probably end up in bed with definitely dorothy parker and probably zora neale hurston, but would be too exhausted to properly enjoy it.

so let’s return to house 2. we have two incredibly annoying (but easy to dominate) men, fitzgerald and carniege. and we have a trifecta of powerhouse women. this house has it all. someone to let out all your frustration on who is easily to offend when you remind him that zelda was never truly interested. someone who offers self-improvement advice and would probably give you free therapy in order to be liked, only to be shut down by woolf when he becomes too annoying. the ultimate fuck-for-clout, everyone’s favourite problematic fave, virginia woolf. jane austen who i could finally introduce to the pleasures of queer sex (it’s what she deserves and needs). we might even have a little hate-fuck after i tell her i love her stories but can’t stand her writing. susan sontag vibing in her analytic and pretentious way. theorizing about covid-19 and its metaphors.  the thing is, both jane austen and virginia woolf talked about the importance of having your own space so you’d still have time for yourself (especially if you tell carniege you’re meditating or something idk). fitzgerald would just cry after like 1.5 days but might come out at night and crawl into your bed, craving some sort of intimacy and validation 20 years of marriage and even longer of a homoerotic friendship with hemingway couldn’t give him, being happy to get pegged by you. susan sontag knows how to party like fitzgerald and how to contemplate death like woolf. jane austen knows how to long and yearn for tenderness which is coincidentally one of woolf’s strengths, too. the erotic tension would be off the charts. the chemistry, once the hierarchies are established (w carniege and fitzgerald at the bottom), would be incredible. the house offers endless opportunities of deep talk, orgies and parties. it offers a space for you to take care of yourself in every sense of the way. it is clearly the only valid choice.

thank you and goodnight.

[senatorgana]

so you gonna do that pokemon companion thing for the sw characters????

akjshfsldkjhsdkjgh sure!!! you must be the one person who follows me across all my blogs lmao

the question is which pokemon would be the star wars characters’ companion, like in detective pikachu. i’m just going to do the trios this time around, because we’d be here all day otherwise.

decisions under the cut, no i don’t take constructive criticism

-Luke: tragically the only pokemon with a bowlcut is smoochum and….uh…no. SO. My first thought was grass type because Luke is the new hope, and a second chance for the Jedi (until TFA but lets not think about that right now), but tbh I don’t think grass types would exactly flourish on Tattooine. I initially thought Growlithe, something sweet and loyal and brash that could evolve into something incredibly powerful (Arcanine). But I think Fennekin works best. First I like the idea of Luke having a starter pokemon and becoming the most incredible jedi even if it is “common.” And second, it evolves into an incredibly powerful psychic type, which I think works for our sage master luke. Think of luke with a different evolution of fennekin in each film of the original trilogy, with delphox in ROTJ, when he’s finally become the jedi he’s meant to be? *kisses hands like an italian chef*

-Leia: I initially thought Dragonair: it would make sense to me if a Princess had a rare pokemon, and the fact that there’s so much mysticism surrounding it lends itself to Leia’s force sensitivity. But I think Lucario is the best choice for her. A steel/fighting type? Leia to a T. She has nerves of steel, and the anger and drive to back it up. Plus Lucario can use psychic type moves so. CHECK.

-Han: Well first off I laughed myself silly at the thought of han walking around with a Meowth so that’s gotta be one of our two options. Just an equally sassy, pretends to be indifferent kind of pokemon. I also like the thought of Han having a normal type; he’s not the chosen one or a force sensitive princesss, just a guy, you know? In the end I think he should have a flying type, so I would go with either Pidove or Fletchling, based on which you prefer. They’re both normal/flying, and small and innocuous enough to be useful when smuggling shit you know what I mean? Maybe they evolve over the course of the films once Han gets his shit together.

-Padme: My immediate thought was Lapras, not just because Naboo is covered in lakes and marshes and whatnot but because there is something so unquestionably regal and beautiful about them. They’re also incredibly smart so that suits Padme. Also the fact that they’re the “transport pokemon” and all Padme wants to do is serve her people well? Idk that works for me. BUT Lapras is frankly not suited to interspace travel so I think she should have a Jirachi! Much like Leia, Padme has a steely exterior so the fact that it’s a steel fusion type works for her. The fact that it grants wishes? Again, all Padme wants is to serve and help her people. and lastly I think if anyone could wrangle a Legendary type it would be Queen/Senator Padme Amidala.

-Anakin: Cubone. Just. He has a Cubone. I will die on this hill. Perhaps evolves into Marowak once he’s Vader. Maybe an Alolan Marowak given how much more intimidating and Extra™ that variation is. 

-Obi-Wan: Okay so my first thought here was Nidoqueen? For some reason? I think it’s because he’s almost always in big brother/fatherly roles bUT he’s got some good lunar maternal energy as well you know? He’s a nurturer. I like him having a ground type, as well; I’d argue that other than Mace he’s the most grounded of the Jedis, most down to earth. But I think he should have a Dragonite. A kindly, rare pokemon, one who is incredibly powerful but you’d 1. never know looking at it and 2. doesn’t use that power for anything but good. I also think it’s easy looking at a dragonite to underestimate them, and that would play to Obi-Wan’s advantage.

-Finn:  So at first I thought of a pokemon like Mightyena? Something fierce and unquestionably loyal to its trainer that works in packs. Like imagine that every stormtrooper has a Mightyena or Poochyena or something like that (like Team Rocket/Magma/whatever grunts always have the same pokemon) and when Finn rebels his Mightyena, which is loyal only to him, goes with him and it’s a clear indicator that he’s a former stormtrooper and that he’s free from them. BUT If we’re going on Finn himself I think Salamance. Not only is it a dragon type which is just objectively the best type (and finn is the best boy) but it can also perform psychic moves, which…Jedi Finn Rise am I right? ANYWAY more importantly when you look at Salamance’s pokedex entry it says that it grew/evolved wings out of sheer willpower and determination? Like it wanted wings for so long that when it evolved it got them. That really resonates with Finn breaking his brainwashing, for me. He wanted to be free for so long and he DID IT I LOVE HIM

-Poe: My first thought was Charizard because Poe has to have a pokemon that can fly. Without question. Charizard fits his fiery personality, and more than that it maches Black One’s accents. important. It also “boasts speed and maneuverability greater than that of a jet fighter,” which, you know. Poe’s the best pilot in the rebellion so….check. But then I read Zekrom’s pokedex entry. I know it’s a legendary, which might be unrealistic and in that case Charizard is a great choice for Poe. But Zekrom is an electric type, which almost suits Poe better than a fire type to me, since he’s just lightning in a bottle you know? Also maybe an electric type could exchange friendly zaps with BB-8. Zekrom “assists those who want to build an ideal world” and who is that if not Poe? Beyond that maybe if he had a legendary pokemon Holdo thinking he was arrogant/self-important would make more sense (gotta get a TLJ dig in there).

-Rey: She has a Scraggy. She just. She does. Listen to its pokedex entry: “Anyone who makes eye contact gets smacked with a headbutt.” You cannot and will not get more Rey™ than that. Also please imagine Scraggy wearing little goggles to match Rey in the beginning of TFA and stuffing little items in its ‘pants’. Incredible. Scraggy can also do psychic moves so….Jedi Rey still checks out.

and that’s all for now! let me know if you’d like to see me do anyone else. 

[alifeenrouteblog]

a letter to my future significant other

Two things to note. Once, I wrote this over the course of many months so the timeline and where I am does not always track. It jumps around a lot. Second, The gender of this fictitious person is not the point of the essay. I wrote this to a man, to simplify the use of pronouns, but I am a firm believer that sexuality is a spectrum and I may not end up with a man.

To my significant other,

I’m not sure when I am sharing this with you. Maybe it’s the day I decide that I love you. Or maybe I’m reading this as our wedding vows. Or giving this to you the night before our wedding. I don’t know. Because the truth is, at the time I am writing this, I don’t know you. I don’t know how we met. Or when. I know that right now, I can’t wait to meet you. I know I will share this with you. I know I will meet you. I know that I cannot wait for our lives together, the life we create, side by side. I know that we are best friends. I know that I will love you unconditionally and you will love me unconditionally, each and every day after we meet.

I’m in Budapest right now, alone, and I miss you dearly. I went to the bath houses today and saw couples smiling, splashing, and laughing. My heart hurt that you weren’t here. So, I spent the day thinking about us traveling to unknown countries together. I thought about us getting lost in cities together. I imagined us going to places you’ve been but I have not, and you show me the best spots in town, unknown to tourists. We will swap stories of trips we took before we knew each other, laughing at the hijinks we got ourselves into, but silently grateful that we don’t have to travel without each other anymore, if we don’t want to.

In the pool of the bath house today, I daydreamed about our trips where we to do nothing but lie in the sun and sand, playing in the water; but my favorite part is listening to the waves, reading, next to you. I thought about how our hair gets sandy, salty, and mine is knotty and how I return to our home with pink skin and extra freckles. You said it’s cute when I inevitably complain (but really, I’m searching for a compliment).

I’m back in the US and it’s wedding season. Every photo on my Instagram feed of a beautiful bride in a gorgeous dress kissing her loving husband stings a tiny bit. Not because I don’t like that couple. Or that I’m jealous. But because I’m so scared that I won’t meet you. Or because I miss you so much. I am yearning for you to look at me the same way I see these newlyweds look at each other. But you’re not looking at me that way yet. So, I keep thinking about our lives.

The other day, I thought about us in our home. Our walks with Daphne on sunny Saturdays. We might do different things, separately with our own friends. We will spend nights and days apart. Doing our own things. We will never police each other. We’re confident in our relationship and we don’t have to control one another. And when we’re not, we can tell each other that.

I envisioned our laziness too. Lying in bed reading on rainy Sundays. Sipping coffee. I hope you get coffee and bagels before I wake up. I’ll do it for you when I wake up first, but that’s just unlikely to happen. Because we both know I can sleep for 22 hours a day. I smile just thinking about us reading and working on our computers in bed all day.

Some weekends, we’re hungover. Maybe just me. And I have to eat breakfast to feel better, so you run to get us food. And you get way too much so we have a feast in bed, while we fend off Daphne and Pizza Baby from getting our food. While we chow down,

I thought about nights out and how you never tell me that I’ve drank too much. Instead, you will notice when I am too drunk to be in public, order a pizza and a cab, and then tell me that you’ve scheduled a pizza to arrive at the exact moment we get home. You will help me devour the pizza. When we wake up the next morning, you won’t make me feel bad for something stupid I did while drunk. I love that about you. But while we’re we recap the previous night’s funny moments you do impressions of me from the night before – making me laugh until my stomach hurts.

I am mostly happy right now, but my heart hurts thinking about how you’re not here with me right now, in Berlin. I feel lonely but I don’t want just anyone to fill this void - I want you by my side.

It’s hard loving you and not knowing you. But I do. I know that you have this unconditional love for me too, because I’m a mess, and you would not stick around for this mess unless you really loved me.

You know everything about me and still love me. You won’t judge me for my debt or the number of men I’ve been with, or how much I drink. You know that my greatest fear, before I met you, was not meeting you and dying alone. But you’ve alleviated that fear. And you make sure to remind me in some way every day, that I never have to consider that again. You know that my greatest fear is being ordinary and you make sure that never happens. You know that my second greatest fear is not living up to my father’s expectations. You console me when this inevitably happens.

I know we won’t want to have kids. But I imagine after three to five years, we will consider it because we were so in love, but immediately stop considering it. Then we’ll consider it off and on for the next decade until it doesn’t seem plausible. We will enjoy our child-less life. I hope we move a lot. I hope we’re always talking about where to settle down. Neither of us can figure it out. We’re nomadic by nature. I don’t know where our home is, but I know it is cozy and filled with laughter.

I don’t mind being alone or waiting for you, in and of itself. I’m just terrified of not being enough. Thanks to years of therapy, medicine, and self-help books, most days I believe I am enough and I really love myself. But I have insecurities that rise to the surface when I’m vulnerable. I’m just human, a human who is terrified that being single forever, which will mean I’m not enough. And I’m terrified that I won’t be enough for you. I think about this. All of the time. So, I work on myself. All of the time.

But when we are ready to spend our lives together, you are excited to marry me. You’re not scared of me or us or commitment. You’re not threatened by feminism. I will never be too much for you. You don’t mind when I’m loud, big, or angry. You won’t call me moody or abrasive. You might not always agree with me but you know that my emotions come from my passion and empathy and are always grounded in love. You’re not scared of my light. You know there’s enough light for both of us. And you will never make me sacrifice myself and who I am in exchange your love and affection.

You never asked me to take your last name. And you will never ask my dad for my hand in marriage. Because I’ve told you my aversion to these antiquated sexist traditions, most likely on our third date during a drunk diatribe.

You’re never intimidated by me or threatened by my intelligence, confidence, or success. You love me because of those things. But you love me more because I don’t ever know where to harness my energy, intellect, and passion. You will have the same conversation with me yearly, monthly, or maybe weekly, about what I should do, and you are always supportive.

I think about you reading my writing. You love it because you think I am talented and you genuinely enjoy my work. But you also love to celebrate me, put me first, let me shine, dream alongside me, and fearlessly know me.

As much as it hurts, I am grateful for this time without you. I’m glad I did not meet you in college. Or my early twenties. I need this time alone to heal from the past. I need to experience others to figure out what I want and need from you. And I’m having fun but I hate that you are not the man I make love to. I don’t think about you when I’m with other men. Only sometimes. When I’m very lonely. Most of the time you don’t cross my mind when I’m with someone else. But now, as I sit here, thinking about them compared to you, I hate that I’m not with you.

That being said, I am so thankful for all of the men who disappointed me before you, because they all taught me something. Something that made me stronger, more self-realized, more confident.

I am thankful for the firefighter for teaching me that I love big strong legs and that it is okay to want a man with a strong sex drive.

Thankful for the boy from Bumble for teaching me that I don’t have to lower my standards just to alleviate my loneliness. Never again do I need to be with someone who doesn’t ask questions about myself. Or shows little interest in me. I deserve more than a guy giving the littlest amount of effort. He taught me that when I ask a man to hang out and he says, “maybe” or “IDK” or some other bullshit answer, that he’s not my person and I don’t have to stick around to see if it gets better or try to convince him that I’m enough for him.

Thankful to my ex in Chicago; for teaching me not to lose myself in you or anyone else. How important it is to stay true to who I am and pursue my dreams. To never submit to someone else. That being in a relationship doesn’t mean I am a caretaker. Through him, I learned to look for a partner.

Thankful to the man I loved harder than anyone, until I met you, for teaching me that I need to find a partner with courage, someone who is not scared of his feelings for me. I now know that I want someone who is ready for me. I don’t have to beg for your love.

Right now, long before we’ve slept together, I sit here at the bar thinking about us in bed. You love my body. You think every inch is perfect. The stretch marks, cellulite, and rolls on my belly and thighs. You love that my right breast is larger than my left. You adore the moles on my face. You point out the freckle on right butt cheek. You love running your fingers through my hair when we kiss. When I’m sleeping, you trace the outline of my tattoos with your forefingers. After a few years, you’ve memorized them and can do it with your eyes closed.

I think about how you will have temptations and urges and want to explore, all of which is healthy. I will too. If we need to, we will have a conversation about it and come up with a solution that works for us. Because we will never hold resentment against one another.

Last week was hard for me.  I was depressed, anxious, scared, mean. I cried a lot. In public. I fought with my parents. I wished you were here. But you weren’t here, so I thought about the way you will treat me when I am having a hard time.

I thought about you rubbing my back while I have a panic attack. You do not just tell me it will be okay, you sit with me in my pain. You know that I can be a negative person. Who suffers from depression and anxiety. Who has to take an antidepressant cocktail every day to stay sane. That won’t bother you. You love me harder. And when I have dark days you know when to leave me alone and when to come lie beside me while I cry. You’ll also know that I can be the happiest person, full of life, who seeks out adventures. You love that I love everyone and how I tell them often.

I will drive you nuts. But you never doubt your love for me. You’re never weary on commitment. When you met me, you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.

I don’t know how you express your love, but I know that I never doubt your love for me. I see how you put my needs before yours. I don’t have a job right now. I’m confused about where to go next. I’ve never been in this position before. But I have had a series of jobs where a lot of people hate me and I can’t seem to move up, despite my strong skill set and work ethic. I rub a lot of people the wrong way. It’s not their fault. But I don’t believe it is my fault either. I am who I am.

My whole life I have wished I was more like my parents, in one sense: they’re charismatic and everyone loves them. Especially at work. But what I know now is that they use their best for work and others. Not for their significant other. I see how people take out their daily stress on the people closest to them, especially their partner. I save my best for my loved ones. And I know that we save our best for each other. 

I know that we inspire each other to be better versions of ourselves, while at the same time accepting each other for who we are. We take risks and go after our dreams. Encouraging each other. When it seems impractical, we get creative and try to find another way. We work hard. Individually and collectively. We teach each other things. We inspire each other.

When promotions at work and potential moves and risks come up, we talk about them together. You support my career more than your own. Because you know that I support yours over mine. And you know that this is the ultimate sacrifice for me, symbolizing my belief that you are the love of my life, who I am supposed to be with for the rest of my life.

I know we will fight. But more often than our fights, we are open and honest with each other, about our fears, insecurities. I hope our fights are weak and infrequent. I am confident that we will work on our marriage. We will talk through things, give space when we need, and always love each other.

I know that we will experience failure, job losses, mistakes, we have each other to inspire each other to jump back. We will see our family members get sick and pass. Our businesses will fail. We will have financial hardships and when life is unbearable, and it doesn’t seem like we can’t go on, I know our love can summon the strengths for us to get through it.

What I can’t stop thinking about is the way you look at me, which is weird and difficult, because I don’t know what you look like or how you could possibly look at me. But I imagine your eyes light up as I walk into a room. I think about how you smile at me as I pontificate. And if I’m lucky enough to have a camera capture it, when we are close for a kiss, I can see the joy beaming across your face.

We grow together. You are not my long-lost soul mate, completing me. I don’t make you whole. We are two separate beings, perfect on our own. We don’t rely on each other to go places or fix ourselves. We take ourselves places.

I love you so much. I can’t wait to learn everything about you. I can’t wait to tell you all the specific things I love about you when I learn them.

Today, I am thinking about how I sometimes look at you – you don’t know I’m watching you - just think to myself that I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

The Nation has a song, “Twenty Nine”, and there’s a line in it: You know I dreamed about you/For twenty-nine years before I saw you/You know I dreamed about you/I missed you for, for twenty-nine years

And that’s how I feel. I’ve been dreaming about you for as long as I have lived. I don’t know how long I will have to wait, but I know I will never be a young bride. But when the day comes, I don’t mind how long I had to wait; every day will have been worth it. To be here with you. Because the way you look at me makes it all worth it. The way you look into my eyes, and smile.