#the people i’ve met so far have been extremely welcoming and kind tho so i feel happy about that

[bringmetothe-pilot]

started going to AA… so yeah

[reversecreek]

pops hip n winks at the dash. haaaaiiii. me again. i’ve honestly missed playing lana fr a while she’s one of. my most treasured muses bc she’s jst a silly n vivacious ball of sunshine or alternatively? a train wreck depending on which way u turn her in the light..... i actually hv two playlists made fr her n one is rly old bt it’s more like. songs that Remind me of her which u can find here n then here is more like. stuff u’ll most often catch her blasting on her record player as she dances around in her underwear w the curtains open. OH and here is her pinterest 🍓⚡

* kristine froseth, cis female + she/her  | you know lana jameson, right? they’re twenty-three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, a few hours? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to play that funky music by wild cherry like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole cherry red gym socks worn with nothing else, doodling penises in the condensation of a stranger’s car window, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘scrappy doo is a filthy slut’ thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is june 2nd, so they’re a gemini, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her  )

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his wealthy best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n vic ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him.

(DRUGS TW) anyway so jameson records repped a few rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. real characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in. more zoo than home. more shaken snow globe than resting place. (END OF TW)

(ABORTION REFERENCE) her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana ws a kid she asked her why she’s so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door (END OF REFERENCE)

(DISSOCIATION TW) bc of the intensity of her parents ignoring her growing up lana adopted this sense of like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost bc she gt this strange outside feeling. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w no-one acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family. (END OF TW) her imagination festered an explanation out of smthn she didn’t understand essentially. lana used her imagination to do this a lot growing up. it ws kind of like the band aid she slapped over everything. after all she wasn’t alone if she was sword fighting imaginary pirates dwn the hallway with a poker from the fireplace. 

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. he’s the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door bt was always over bc he had very strict parents tht he found suffocating)

(ARMY MENTION) SO when tommy announced tht he’d signed up to the army (bc of pressures from tommy’s military dad to fulfil some kind of stupid “legacy” tommy didn’t even care abt) n caleb said he was going with him lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving n was kind of like “wtf why are u doing this like what do u even think this is gna solve” etc n begged caleb not to leave her there on her own n jst to not sign up in general bc tommy had to bt he didn’t listen. 

ERM i won’t go into it but it didn’t turn out well as u can probably imagine bc the army is a terrible industry n caleb had to return home without tommy. he wasn’t the same after that. (END OF MENTION)

what’d been a rly close relationship before where he ws basically like a surrogate father figure to lana was Not there any more. he ws rly withdrawn n always pushing her away n snapping at her for the sake of getting her to leave him alone. on top of this lana had a lot of shit go down while he was away n rly just shouldn’t have been a kid alone in tht house. regardless lana thought if she kept grinning as wide as she cld she’d convince caleb to join in too. maybe if she seemed fine n happy he’d take the lead. maybe she’d believe it too n start to feel it n everything could go bk to how it was before her world became so different. lana liked the way the sky flipped when she tipped her head back on the swings bt this was different. everything was upside down bt this didn’t make her belly feel like she’d swallowed a butterfly and it wasn’t funny bt still, she kept laughing. always desperate to find something to laugh at n if she couldn’t find it she invented it. as long as ur laughing the world can’t b that bad.

she ws always well liked in school bc she jst tended to treat everyone like they were bffs no matter who like u cld have literally bumped shoulders w her once in the corridor n she’d be like OMG HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII let’s kiss<3 n like she ws a huge notorious flirt w any n all as well as incredibly impulsive n jst. wild honestly to put it simply too bt things like. changed a bit frm 16 onwards. (HYPERSEXUALITY & IMPLIED TRAUMA TW) she jst became far more reckless honestly n like....... jst didn’t rly seem to care after a certain point abt herself too much.... got herself in a bunch of bad situations.......... kind of jst flung herself to the wolves numerous times without any caution abt the way they’d bite. formed a lot of self destructive habits one of which ws cruising craigslist personals fr random hook-ups n like. she literally cld have wound up in a ditch somewhere honestly it’s a shock she hasn’t. despite various dips n inclines in her journey navigating this side of her it’s very much still present in her life to this day n she struggles to kno hw to control herself at points. sometimes she feels like a melting candle tht needs moulding by thumbs until it can form a person again. sometimes she’s only sure she’s real when she’s being touched. (END OF TW)

ANYWAY. laughs nervously. went to college to study dance bc she’s always loved dance in general bt specifically ballet (despite definitely not hving the discipline for it) n honestly this was both good n bad fr her. had a whole string of terrible heartbreaking relationships bc she tends to fall into those hard n fast n they were w a lot of bad people fr like 98% of the time. she kind of learned more abt what love is during her time there tho which is a gd thing bt she still isn’t very good at knowing hw to believe she deserves it so it’s a process. she hd fun tho. threw 498572598475 outrageous n elaborately themed parties. ws friends w pretty much everyone on campus. 

despite a strained relationship w her brother n having to go home to visit n check on him whenever he got rly bad it ws the first time it actually felt like she’d found a home in a lot of rly loving n genuine friendships n lana will never forget hw much that experience meant to her even if she definitely struggled there too. college felt like a place she belonged n then suddenly she couldn’t belong there any more n there was a big sense of floundering in that. like where do u go now when u’ve never known home elsewhere? how do u happily go out into the world if it means leaving ur world behind?

she applied to a dance company in LA n fell in w a pretentious art scene there full of wannabe andy warhols n the like. became a makeshift edie sedgwick to some guy w dyed white hair n the idea his every concept was revolutionary when rly he jst shot her dancing barely clothed splashing around in a random fountain in his friend’s mansion on an ancient film camera. she’d spend her days floating around on lilo’s and prancing in feather boas and racing with glitter leftover frm last night in her leotard w smudges of faint red lipstick to barely make her job on time. always a sexy train wreck bt this time? make it hollywood. 

(IMPLIED ALCOHOLISM TW) i won’t lie to u lana hs always partied way too hard bt then partying way too hard turned into slurping merlot thru a crazy straw shaped like a flamingo at 4 in the afternoon wearing penis novelty sunglasses n it wasn’t quite so much of a party when u were doing it on ur own. this rly snowballed into place in college bt carried on n wound up getting her fired from the dance company bc she turned up to rehearsals drunk one too many times n they didn’t allow fr sloppiness like tht. it was a “professional operation” that didn’t “accept that kind of behaviour” bt lana was jst like ummmmmmmmm that’s totally dramatic btw way to spank me in the town square like i’m gale w a raw ass n back in the hunger games bt ok sure i’m out ig. BOOP! (literally booped the director on the nose before leaving) (END OF TW)

honestly hd no idea what to do w herself after her job fell thru in LA n was pretty embarrassed actually upon sobering up the nxt day. cldn’t bring herself to tell her friends for a hot minute bc she felt like a failure or smthn n she was meant to be living this glamorous life out there being the classic wild n silly n fun Lana Jameson. cldn’t figure out how to repackage it into a funny story tht wouldn’t worry ppl. eventually wound up jst caving n telling her closest besties (shoutout freya n rosa) bc she ws hving a weird time dating losers n randomly living in LA even tho she didn’t kno why she was there any more after losing the job n they were jst like. fk it then. jst come here. we’re in irving. and so? mizz jameson packed her bags....

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed a bit of an instagram following #nepotism bt also fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects. lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, bright red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights, holographic stickers of planets on her cheek n glitter used like highlight, 90% of the time a red lip) n bc she’s not gna make ur eyes bleed to look at or anything let’s b real

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. hates being sad n always wnts to be happy / making ppl happy. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out. sometimes gets glimpses n feels the urge to close her eyes.

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories. she’s like oh ya this one time this guy made me ride him with a daddy saddle like i was woody and he was bullseye. he literally made me call him bullseye. or she’s like. oh ya once i had to run barefoot thru a cabbage patch bc this one farmer wanted to have a threeway w me n my friend tht we met off craigslist n every framed photo in his house was a pig dressed up in cosplay bt honestly they were kind of cute n he was sexy aside frm the murderous vibes n the fact he kept calling me babe which i’m pretty sure means he wanted to dress me up next bt like whatever honestly.... she tells jst the most batshit stuff n the person she’s telling it to is left blinking like. wtf.

uncontrollably flirty. insanely confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n will try. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine.

likes to roller skate n hs a red pair she’ll glide around in at night lit up by amber street lamps breath sticky w the taste of wine n lollipops probably heading to a random hookups. who needs ubers?

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. honestly likes dangling her whole body halfway out too. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

luvs bowie (ONLY aesthetically) n prince (wholeheartedly) n madonna (completely) n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think.

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. honestly it’s like a burning train wreck but u can’t quite tear ur eyes away. often the heart of many sordid gossip scandals.

PLOTS:

TBA bc she’s only jst arrived in town i won’t lie to u all but i’m gna whip things up on here anyway n link in chat w updates at some point........ that said? lana is insatiable n it isn’t rly unlikely tht she cld’ve bumped into ur muse in a grocery store aisle n somehow a wild spontaneous adventure spawned frm that alone.......... if u have any immediate ideas we can discuss 😋

[rapturedtoxicity]

Me: yo Me: wassup Friend: nm just bout to watch the mayweather fight Me: right Me: mcgregor or mayweather Me: ? Me: disclaimer i dont know shit abt any of that Friend: boxing match Friend: jst watching it since it will be a thing that lots of people talk about Me: fair enough Me: i am Me: extremely drunk rn Me: have been for the last 6 days Friend: lol Friend: welcome to how many people spend their early 20s Me: cheers Me: it helps deal with the pain tbh Me: dude Me: weird question maybe but Me: have you ever self harmed Friend: no but its not something that works with me Me: fair enough Me: i've been trying it Me: it kinda helps Me: for me Friend: ive done it but not directly Friend: just training slamming my fist and knees into a wall Friend: until i just ran out of energy Me: i getcha Friend: but it didnt do anything Friend: but those times i just wanted to feel anything that wasnt what i felt ever yday Friend: even if it was physical pain Friend: it was nice to feel something else Me: yeh Me: kinda where i am atm Me: been making cuts into my arm Me: to distract from the heartache Me: it helps a lot Me: surprisingly much actually Me: dont mean to be depressing, rofl Me: dont intend to make it a permanent habit or anything but Me: fuck Me: it helps Me: god damn Friend: i get you Friend: but people do it for different reasons Friend: i just want to punish myself Friend: i found other ways to do that Me: kind of on that page atm Me: punishing/relief Me: feel like i deserve it in a way Friend: for me those were 2 different things, it was nice to feel something else but essentially it got me nowhere closer to a positive end goal Friend: or so i've rationalised what im doing now to be conducive Me: yeh Friend: im sure im wrong but Me: idk if im aiming for a positive end goal atm? just kinda Friend: im far too proud, i have to do it solo Me: doing it to relieve stress in the moment Me: you get me Me: ? Me: yeh i get you Friend: a little but Friend: when i did that stuff Friend: i couldnt do anything Me: i know it's fucking stupid and all that Friend: my brain just didnt think straight Me: and i know i aint thinkin straight Me: yeh Me: but Me: it does help. Me: for me, at least Me: redirects the fucking Me: immense emotional pain into Me: slight physical pain Me: distracts me in the moment Me: only real downside atm for me is how hard it is to hide it Friend: nah thats effort Friend: showing it is fine Friend: just make sure you have a solid convo ender to observers who question it Me: i agree personally but Me: my coworkers keep telling me to cover up and shit Me: like im not looking for attention Friend: cover up? Me: im just doing my own thing when i roll up my sleeves at work and shit Friend: do your cuts etc show? Me: yeh Friend: yeh thats stupid Friend: obviously Friend: use your leg or something Friend: fuck knows why im helpng you do this Me: hahhhahahhaha Me: i actually cracked up Me: lmfao Friend: but until you realise better Friend: me saying Friend: dont do it Friend: wont achieve shit Me: agreed Friend: but you need to know you're retarded for doing it Me: heard that a bit much lately Me: just makes me feel spite Me: yeh i know it's retarded Friend: you're smart enough to suffer until you have a better answer Me: aye Me: i get it Friend: you might hate me a little for saying it Me: just dont have a better answer atm Friend: but personally i think you shouldn't be shit sad Friend: this* Me: elaborate Friend: i know its all relative obviously Friend: but tons of people would kill to have the kind of breakup you had Friend: yeh things will be a little tough but you still have someone close (at least thats what we know for now) Friend: you need to thing of all the good things Friend: and think like Friend: ok magic lamb Friend: genie magic Friend: go Friend: change your situation Me: i am Me: i've started working on myself and shit Friend: lamp* Me: am meeting ppl pretty much every day and shit Me: going out more, doing new things Me: but when i get home the rest of it takes over Friend: but would you be doing that if you knew you had no chance with her? Me: id probably Me: take a few days to just fucking sulk to be honest Friend: i mean i understand how decisions are influenced to match your S/o Me: and then try and work on it Friend: but a "change" like that needs to be genuine or its all superficial Friend: and fragile Me: no yeah like Me: ive been thinking like Me: last couple days like Me: as much as i hate that this is happening Me: maybe it's a good thing in the big picture Me: because i'd become so fucking like Me: isolated Me: i was only really meeting her Me: and chilling with her Me: never really met or did anything with friends Me: so in a way it was a wake up call Me: made me realize that i had to water the crops so i could keep on reaping them Me: still have my eyes on the prized flower ofc Me: but it kinda made me realize that she isnt the only thing thats important to me Me: shes obviously really fucking important to me but it really kind of woke me up Me: like a splash of water to the face Me: like Me: "shit i fucking. i gotta get off my ass and meet friends and shit" Friend: yeh its true Me: made me understand how important all that shit is to me kind of Friend: as you get older, you need to always make an active effort Friend: to stay on top of friends Me: yeh Me: cause i was very reliant on her in a way Me: and as much as i want that to be a thing still Me: it made me understand that i can also rely on other people Me: i can also look to other people Me: meet other people etc etc Me: i've come to understand that a lot of the things thatMe: meet other people etc etc Me: i've come to understand that a lot of the things that Me: i originally didnt like to do with her Me: or like Me: "didnt like" Me: it made me realize i was just being a shitter in my own world Me: i actually enjoy a  lot of those things Friend: thats also a tricky thing tho Friend: like feeling that a bad aspect about you needs fixing Me: just didnt understand it cause i was so stuck in my loop Me: yeh sure maybe im just saying/doing that to make myself feel better unconsciously but at least its something right Me: a different perspective Me: like Me: i find myself Me: actually wanting to go on walks Me: i find myself actually wanting to do all this shit i thought i hated doing Me: i feel more awake in a sense Me: so while i still really want her back i think ive kind of found the light at the end of the tunnel in a way Me: a different light than i was originally searching for, maybe Me: but a light nonetheless Friend: i get you Friend: a little advice is try not to mention any "changes" you have Friend: personally its just better if a person realises your changes from seeing it first hand Friend: dont be that guy who promotes himself Me: yeh cause it'll maybe make her think im trying to change for her or something Friend: yeh Me: instead of actually changing Friend: dont advertise it ever Friend: just know what you're showing and how you're acting is a result of work and mentality Friend: if it shows it shows Friend: if it doesnt then who cares Friend: you do you for you Friend: it would just be good obv if the flower gets it without any assist Me: yeah Me: for sure Me: i think Me: if we end up hanging out again and shit Me: i'm pretty sure i'm still just gonna Me: want to ask her to go out for a walk and do shit and all that Me: because i feel that desire now Me: even if i'm making cuts on my arms and drinking like a maniac Me: like i still feel like im making progress Me: even if my current ways of coping with the pain are fucking retarded Me: and im very aware of that Me: i kinda feel like i can maybe learn from being a fucking moron for a little bit though Me: understand a bit better how that is, how the perspective switches you know Friend: yeh Me: notes to be had Me: dont advertise change Me: it gives the wrong impression Me: might make her think its superficial Me: uhhhHHh Me: stop being retarded at some point obviously Friend: tbh a big thing of being in your head too much Friend: is if you're not actually busy Friend: so try and do mre Friend: in the day Friend: tire yourself out Friend: budget your time bette Friend: r Friend: dont yolo days Me: i feel like being a moron and behaving irresponsibly for a bit is ok because this is the most painful shit ive gone through ever pretty much Friend: cus then you just think about shit you dont need to Friend: cus you've nothing better to do Me: yeh Me: plan shit Me: do things Me: make plans in advance etc etc Friend: that might help Me: i feel like Me: idk if im wrong abt this Me: but Me: i think it's okay to be a moron for a bit Friend: personally Friend: i mean it makes sense Me: obviously you're the fuckin logic sensei and all that Friend: but think of dota shitters who are like Friend: im 2k so i dont need to get dust Friend: cus at that point its ignorance after the fact Me: and, again: i'm actively referring to myself as a fuckin moron so i understand that this shit is just retarded Friend: like choosing the ignorance Friend: thats cool Me: but atm it feels like it's aight Friend: but like how i avoid saying sorry Friend: if you keep calling yourself a moron Friend: that word wont mean shit Me: it'll lose meaning yeh Friend: cus your brain will just go Me: i'll just say sth else lol Friend: ive called myself that for weeks Friend: /months Me: yeh Me: i get you Me: stops meaning anything Me: idk. maybe im just not ready to like Me: take the leap Friend: yeh see thats legit to accept Friend: things like that take some time Friend: some wisdom Me: yeah Friend: so you make the call when you think you're ready Friend: some people never are ready Friend: and need the push Friend: but give yourself a chance Friend: to figure it out yourself Me: i think i will know soon enough Friend: before you get pushed Me: yeah Me: i definitely needed the push Me: the breakup was a big push tbh Me: really shoved me in the deep of it Me: like i said Me: made me understand what i value and all that Friend: yeh thats something that sucks Friend: but its kinda nice to Friend: too* Me: yeh Me: bittersweet Friend: you def feel growth once you realise what you had Friend: after you loseit Friend: yeh Friend: you'll see things a little differently now Me: yeah Me: if things take off again with her Me: i'll understand better what i want and what she wants Me: the growth is a nice feeling despite all the shittiness Me: it's some what relieving i guess Me: to understand myself a little better Me: man my coworkers were constantly telling me to cover up the cuts today Me: felt kinda bad tbh Friend: it should Me: cause im not ashamed of them really Friend: you showing other people makes it their problem Friend: because you would rightfully say Friend: hey if you're a good person Friend: and you see someone in troble Friend: you'd help Friend: so you openly showing something wrong Friend: doesnt make it just a hraug problem Me: i guess that's true Friend: so its fine not to be ashamed Friend: but do it for the others around you Me: yeah Me: that's fair Me: i feel like its kind of important that Me: like Me: im not trying to show anything Me: does that make sense like Me: im not pulling up my sleeves as a cry for help im just trying to not get them dirty while i work Me: but i obviously understnad that people seeing that shit is gonna have some effect on them one way or another Me: im just kinda like Me: obviously its not as simple as saying "it's none of your business" but that's kind of how i feel anyways Me: cuz its not something that im trying to show Me: its not something i think people should worry about Me: because i dont worry about it Me: but maybe im just being ignorant Me: or sth Me: idk Friend: yeh you are Friend: just get some bandages and perma keep em on Friend: but again its just normal sadness that you're feeling its no different to a normal breakup, you should try for a week to not to cut or stuff Friend: cus its not a smart way to deal with sadness in general Friend: especially when its nowhere near as bad as just out right being rejected due to failure or anything else Me: thats true i guess Me: idk though. i feel like that argument just goes back to like Me: children in africa and all that shit Friend: yeh dw about that just think he this is how i feel in this situation Friend: so just try and understand why you're feeling the way you're feeling Friend: that'll help you tackle how you feel Friend: and in the future it will make sense Friend: you;ll see the same signs Friend: etc etc Me: yeah Me: i suppose Me: that is true. Me: dude im so drunk lmfao i was actually considering asking you if you wanted to see my cuts Me: lmfoashdjgk Me: complete retard over here Me: god damn Me: ugh Me: i think i need to sleep maybe Friend: lol well i understand why you'd say it Friend: it wont phase me Friend: but i wont condone it Me: nah Me: i get that Friend: yeh that's smart Me: im the same w that w other people Me: condoning is not good Me: but theres a difference between condoning and like Me: accepting Me: i guess? Friend: yeh Friend: but cutting is a last resort in my head Friend: so im surprised you jumped str8 there Friend: but again we're all diferent Friend: ff* Me: i Me: tried it at first Me: because i was kinda curious Me: wondered it if it'd do anything for me Me: cause i know some people that have done it and said it helped them cope Friend: yeh it def helps nodoubt Me: and i was curious cause i havent really found anything to cope Friend: but again Friend: in my head its a last resort Me: havent had any desire to play any games in the last week Me: which is my usual coping method Me: yeh Friend: i see Me: but we're all different Me: like you said Me: i gotta stop drinking Me: rofl Friend: hah Friend: ive heard that a trillion times Friend: its shameful Me: feels bad Me: feels kinda good Me: but it feels bad Friend: lol Friend: welcome to the drunk life Me: hahahha Me: yeh Me: im learning to drink through this actually Me: learning how to pace myself Friend: absinth was a tricky one for me Friend: hate the taste Me: never had it afaik Me: did my first tequila shot tonight Friend: you'll know when you taste it Friend: you cant taste anythign Me: shit was nasty Friend: but that Friend: you could lick a hobos ass Friend: and not taste anything Friend: but absinth Me: shit Me: is it as agressive as gin? Me: gin is fucking nasty Me: like eating the bark of an orange Friend: its like Friend: gin Friend: super saiyan steroids Friend: +10 Me: ugh Me: nvm then Friend: you gta try it Friend: if you do it Friend: have like a single shot Friend: as a first drink Me: how strong is it? Friend: so you can taste it and shit Me: yeh Friend: its the strongest there is i think Friend: like 60% Friend: something stupid Me: ohhh bitch Me: that is nasty Me: aight well Me: im gonna fucking Me: sleep Me: cheers for the chat dude Me: always a pleasure Friend: likewise Friend: nn dude

[piesforjack]

CANADIAN THINGS PART 2, THE SEQUEL NO ONE ASKED FOR!!!!

hiiii yesss!! so if you’ve seen my last canada post (HA that’s a pun bc our mail service is called “canada post” har har har...anyway) u know that i had some records to set straight, so to speak, so i’m back at it again w canada FACTS aka things you probably don’t know but might be useful and helpful in your attempt to flesh out realistic Canadiana™. this is in honour of me hitting 500 followers, thank y’all so much ily all and thanks for bein awesome!!!

without further ado, buckle up, buds, here we go again!!!!

canada eradicated pennies not too long ago. basically, we don’t have a 1¢ coin anymore, we only have 5¢ coins ergo all payments paid in cash are rounded up/down accordingly. jack and ransom 100% hate this because now they’re so annoyed by the concept of carrying around pennies (”what’s the point!?!? 1¢??! USELESS!!)

along this same vein, canada doesn’t have a $1 bill, we have coins known as a loonie ($1) and a toonie ($2), the smallest bill we have is $5 (jack is still consistently weirded out by paper dollar bills. it feels wrong.)

ALSO while we’re on the topic of money, all our bills are different colours (blue for $5, purple for $10, green for $20, red for $50, brown for $100), they’re also waterproof (not heatproof tho!!!), and the $100 ARE NOT officially created to smell like maple syrup but i can assure you i’ve sniffed some bills that do smell like maple syrup and i cannot explain why (ransom still gets confused w american money “it looks like monopoly money, jack!” “i know, bro, i know”)

IN OTHER MONEY RELATED TRAINS OF THOUGHT, there are two main canadian airlines: air canada and westjet. they both have a total monopoly on canadian travel so it’s real damn expensive to fly anywhere in canada from within canada. it sucks a whole lot. (just remember than whenever you write ransom/jack flying home. it’s a pretty penny even if jack is loaded)

age of consent is 16 across canada

the drinking age in canada is 18/19 (dependent on provinces), however, CANADA WIDE the legal adult age (to vote, essentially) is 18.

driving ages differ province to province (you’d have to google because even i don’t know every province)

SPEAKING OF PROVINCES, canada is split into provinces and territories: 10 provinces and 3 territories. here’s a breakdown of each (it’s long, skip if you wanna!!):

british columbia (BC)

west coast best coast, lots of mountains, very hippy dippy, home province of vancouver aka movie city central, capital city is VICTORIA not vancouver, rains a lot, is known for being the birth city of ryan reynolds (your welcome), is split into two main sections: the mainland and the island (even though BC is composed of many islands, vancouver island is referred to as THE island), bland football team, even blander NHL team.

alberta (AB)

neighbour to BC, cowboys, hyper-conservative, also mountains, capital is EDMONTON not calgary, lots of extreme weather (sunshine and +20 (celsius) and then it’ll snow. alberta is weird like that), oil oil OIL, two mediocre football teams, home of the calgary stampede (again, cowboys), i often refer to alberta as the texas of canada and i’ve never had someone disagree tbh, mediocre hockey teams (including connor mcfuckingjesus don’t get me started)

saskatchewan (SK)

neighbour to AB, pronounced SASS-CAT-CHEW-WAH-N, flat flat FLAT, farmers galore, capital city regina (hahaha laugh it up it’s not that funny once you’re beyond the age of 10), even more mediocre football team (i’m only saying that bc i’m from manitoba, the rival province), tbh i don’t know much about saskatchewan except that we drove all the way across it once for a roadtrip and i swear to god we didn’t see another vehicle or human for the entirety of our trip across

manitoba (MB)

neighbour to SK and also the prime rival, capital city winnipeg (YES IT’S A REAL PLACE, I WAS BORN THERE, I LIVED THERE FOR 18 YEARS, CAN CONFIRM, STOP IT), cold as FUUUUUCK in the winter (-40 (celsius) and schools don’t close until it’s -45, so, deal w THAT), mosquitoes fucking galore (it’s disgusting and awful and makes being outdoors AWFUL), we also have polar bears!! (more north, but, still!!!!), really cool live theatre and music vibes, very dry heat, UBER MEDIOCRE FOOTBALL TEAM (but still better than SK rough riders bc provincial rivalry!!!), SUPER mediocre NHL team (i only say this because my mom’s a jets fan whereas i’m a pens fan...lmao BYE MOM), tbh can’t say many mean things bc i still love wpg with at least half my heart!!!!

ontario (ON)

neighbour to MB, capital city toronto, home of the capital city of CANADA, ottawa, muskoka chairs, so many fuckin lakes (everyones fave place to camp/own a cabin), extreme winters just like MB, niagara falls, again a rly cool arts district here (in TO and surrounding area), 3 football teams bc why the fuck not (fffffuck the TO argonauts), 2 NHL teams (everyone in canada hates the leafs. that’s not a fact but i could find enough evidence of it to convince you it is), basically TO is considered the center of the fucking universe according to everyone who lives in TO and everyone who lives outside of canada bc no one knows anything else about canada. canada might as well JUST be TO for all people fucking care. just. fuck toronto. (i think it’s a canadian thing to be Bitter and Annoyed about toronto’s unending praises from every corner of the map) ((jack is V much “fffffuck toronto” and ransom is V much “fuck you toronto is RAD”)

quebec (QC)

neighbour to ON, pronounced KUH-BECK not KWUH-BECK or KEY-BECK and lord have mercy on your soul if you dare say it like “Q-BECK”, capital city quebec city, french-canadian province that’s threatened to “leave” canada multiple times, HOME OF OUR DING DONG HIMSELF, MSSR. ZIMMERMANN!!!, poutine holy fucking HECK god bless poutine (if you think it’s gross i already don’t like you sorry 100000% NOT SORRY. jack and ransom love some good ass poutine oKEEEEER), a rly good music scene (osheaga music festival is top notch), essentially a canadian paris except people speak quebecois not france-french (but you can get away with it in most respects, there’s differences but the foundations are the same, bc DUH they’re the same language but essentially different dialects, KIND OF similar to mandarin and cantonese (although that particular case has more nuances than this one but you get the idea))

newfoundland and labrador (NL)

neighbour to QB, capital city st. john’s (not to be confused with saint john, NB...yeah there’s another province w almost the EXACT SAME CITY NAME sigh i know it’s dumb and rude) i’ve never really been to the east coast so idk what to tell you but LOBSTER and FISHING and WEIRD FUCKIN ACCENTS, another coastal place so it’s p weird and hippy dippy, but i’ve only ever heard that they’re lovely people, often referred to as newfies.

now, the maritime provinces....starting with new brunswick (NB)

just south of QB, capital city fredericton, v small in comparison to other canadian provinces (as u can tell), again don’t know much about NB but i know they’re big on fish and are basically Maine The Second (they’re pressed right up against maine so, it’s basically maine 

nova scotia (NS)

south-ish of NB, capital city halifax, HOME TO THE REAL LIFE DING DONG OF MY HEART, MISTER 87, SIDNEY CROSBY, a full on island, full of wonderful kind people a la mister crosby himself (honestly, it’s just a bunch of super kind people), really cool coastal scenery with amazing seafood (as you’d expect), home of the city that many a traveller has confused for sydney australia, very old-fashioned (idk how to explain???) but just like...you feel like you’re in a storybook when you’re there, lots of lighthouses, overall a v nice place to be

prince edward island (PEI)

the teeny-tiniest place in all of canada i’m certain, north-east-ish of NB and NS, capital city charlottetown, honestly i’m running out of things to say, it’s exactly like NB and NS had a baby that never grew out of infancy it’s so small.

now onto the TERRITORIES which are all up north...yukon (YT)

pronounced YOU-CON, north of BC, east of alaska, capital city whitehorse, cold as heck (tundra baby!!), extremely expensive living conditions ($9 for a 2L of milk, $18 for some fuckin apples...absolute fuckin robbery), lots of hunting and fishing goes on up here (aka lots of people hunt/prepare their own food), lots of mountains and such, v beautiful.

northwest territories (NT)

above AB and SK, capital city yellowknife, used to be bigger but then it was divided up (creating the new territory nunavut), v similar to yukon but with less mountain and more lakes, again v cold bc TUNDRA, my cousin met her husband while working in yellowknife...she’s from MB and he’s from ENGLAND aka what kinda fucking fateful BS...amazing, p cool w lots of islands and such far up north, it’s neat and suuuper beautiful in the summer (so many flowers lksdfjlskad)

nunavut (NU)

pronounced NEW-NUH-VUH-T, north of MB, capital city iqaluit (pronounced EE-CAL-EW-IT) used to be part of NT but they separated into two territories circa 1999, again v similar to the other territories, beautiful scenery with an OBSCENE amount of islands (colouring in maps was always a fucking DOOZY), again, not much to say. just a rly lovely place.

WOO congrats if you read all that lmao now lets get into some other stuff!!

our thanksgiving is in october, the second monday in october to be exact. it’s only been a thing since like??? the 60s??? like it’s a brand new concept, essentially, and i’m not even 100% sure why we have thanksgiving but we do (it’s mostly a charade, thanksgiving means nothing in canada, it’s a completely arbitrary reason to be grateful and eat some fuckin turkey) (jack and ransom both support arbitrary turkey holidays)

canada’s national sport is actually, like, officially lacrosse?????? i know what the fuck (i bet ransom follows lacrosse)

marriage equality has been a thing since 2005 (doesn’t mean jack wasn’t excited about the USA, just, not quite as overcome as bitty was)

winnie the pooh? based on a real bear from winnipeg, MB. yeah, be fuckin jealous y’all

if you didn’t know canada has universal health care. it’s pretty fucking rad.

idk if this is Too Obvious but canada has two official languages, english and french, so all of our packaging/instructions has to be in both languages. everything. from toothpaste to trampolines. everything. signage is a bit more dicey, most trans-canada highway signs are in both languages but more rural/urban ones probably aren’t (jack gets thrown off still when he instinctively looks for the french translations on packaging for nothing to be found. it happens more than you think)

oh also?? we used british spelling, meaning we add a bunch of ‘u’s where they don’t really need to be. this is 100% a point of contention between bitty and jack. 

CANADA IS METRIC. IT’S RLY SIMPLE PALS. everything is in groups of 10s. 10 millimetres = 1 centimetre. 100 centimetres = 1 metre. 1000 metres = 1 kilometre (aka how we measure speed, km/hour) you get it? (the prefixes, ie. milli, centi, kilo, are huge helpful hints)

the exception to this is baking measurements??? unlike the UK we couldn’t escape the wrath of cups and teaspoons and all those other arbitrary measurement devices. we still use those (for the most part)

we use fucking celsius okay (except on ovens, mostly because they’re american distributed machines ergo run in fahrenheit) anyway it’s p straightforward:

celsius is in relation to water temperature, ergo, 0 degrees celsius is waters freezing point, anything below that is freezing (relatively, of course), anything above it is not. this is especially useful for discussing weather, as, y’know, most people typically use temperature for (outside of the kitchen and hospitals, that is)

+20? nice summer day. -40? typical MB winter, +30? typical fuckin central canada summer, +7? dependent on where you live it could either mean SHORTS!! (central canada) or a light jacket (west coast), again it’s all relative to your acclimatization

okay i think this is long enough!! here’s some random nostalgic things that ransom and holster def remember/love dearly

i pray with all my heart that jack has this funny little soft spot for ‘corner gas’ in the same way i do (it’s a canadian prairie sitcom CLASSIC and i love it SO MUCH)

jack and ransom both have a strange crush on rick mercer

MO FUCKIN FRAGGLE ROCK BIIIIITCH

ransom definitely had some misconceptions about what being 16 would be like because of this fuckin show (he also 100% did the air guitar to the theme song)

this show meant a whole heck of a lot to lil bb jack (who 100% watched cartoons in english AND french okay????)

ALSO (i think i mentioned this in the last post but!!) ransom grew up watching caillou in english, jack in french, and they argue all the time about the differences between the two.

ransom remembers being a little bab watching this nonsense right before bed with a cup of warm milk and exactly two oreos (just me??? pshhh i don’t believe it)

jack had very strategically thought out how he would destroy his competitors at this game show

jack loved babar. don’t even touch me. just. imagine tiny jacques w a lil stuffed elephant my hearT!!!!!

ALSO MCFUCKING T’CHOUPI ET DOUDOU!!!!!! i watched this one in english but i can only imagine jack loved it

okay. okay. again, thank u for reading, i hope this was helpful!! lemme know if there’s anything i missed!! who knows, i might make a third installment one day!?!??!

[positivelyamazonian]

Asky Lulu back again! How much space is given to Lara's and Kurtis' approach to alcohol in your headcon? Core planned to make Lara an alcoholic after the events in Egypt. It's one of the few things I don't agree with them about. Yes, she's deeply depressed/hurt and a bottle of sth may seem to be the only solution; and she's too proud to seek professional help. BUT Lara is smart enough to know it's only temporary. I see your Kurtis more prone to alcoholism than Lara, to be honest...Thank you💗

Hi Lulu! :) Well, it’s always a pleasure to answer your well-thought, researched asks. Though you’ve already read chapter 2 from The Legacy and a glimpse of my idea concerning this is hinted here, it will be a honor to develop this a little more for you! :)

First time I read about Core’s idea of making Lara an alcoholic after the events of Egypt, I rejected it immediately. I didn’t like it. Lara had been always to me like the prototype of strong woman, and - in general, this is not an universal statement - people who drinks excessively tries to drown their sorrows in alcohol to avoid facing their reality. They are weak, and Lara’s not weak. 

Then, after a while, I realized it wasn’t totally a bad idea. I like to see human beings in all their perfection and flaws, the complexity of the human psyche. I just love that. They were trying to make her more human - tho I think she was already human in some ways - so that’s why I don’t think people who have called her an “ice queen” have the slighest idea of what they’re talking about.

In the end, Core discarded the idea and I’m glad they did, for it was too extreme. For her, I mean, not for other kind of character. But she’s always been strong, she’s always being in-control of herself, and ok, I might accept she can take a drink or two when feeling a bit down, but not to the point of becoming an alcoholic. That marks a person per-life - even if you overcame the addiction, it will always be a delicate matter to you. You’ll try to avoid it forever. Seeing a glass or a bottle with alcohol will be always a painful memory, a constant temptation.

Not very Croftish. I’m glad they throw aside that idea, and that’s why I threw it aside too. My Lara’s not an alcoholic, she’s never been that. She might have drunk a little after Egypt, but not to the point of developing an addiction. If she didn’t drink after crashing into the Himalaya’s and being the only survivor, while would she do that now? Just, nah. Her way of escaping things is adventuring, and after Egypt, she might have drink more than usual, and hide herself from the world in her home, but nothing more. The Lara we met in TRAOD is not a drunk. She’s perfectly fine, she even trades with alcohol bottles through the Parisian guetto without taking a sip - correct me if I’m mistaken, but you can’t become an alcoholic and then in only two years grab a bottle and not feeling the slighest temptation of taking a sip. At least, it doesn’t sound logical to me, much less in Lara’s case.

And I can’t agree you more concerning the fact she’s too proud for seeking professional help. She wouldn’t. This is 100% Croft. Bravo. Thats why I laughed my ass when seeing Laraboot going to that psychiatrist btw

Other idea was hinted is that, in a rage or amidst a drunk crisis, she sets fire to Croft Manor. I hated this idea even more than the first one, and I’m glad they discarded it, and so I did. My Lara has never set fire to Croft Manor. It’s her home. She’s not uncomfortable there - “Welcome back to my humble abode” -, tho she prefers, obviously, to be somewhere else, adventuring. 

It’s also Winston’s home, and the home of each one of her friends that might need to stop by for a while - and in my universe, it’s also Anna’s home, and even Kurtis’ home tho he doesn’t feel like he belongs there. Lara would never do that, specially for Winston, who’s taking care of the place while she’s travelling. Setting her aunt’s inheritance and Winston’s daily hard work on fire… no, just no. She won’t reach that limit. I rather see her injuring herself before injuring others, specially those who worried about her when her parents disowned her.

So in the end, Lara might have drunk a bit more than usual in her past, but she’s not an alcoholic and she’s not enthusiastic about alcohol. And here comes the headcanon: she will pretty much despise alcoholics - when not directly pity them. For her, alcohol is a resource for cowards, for people who doesn’t know how to face their problems. It’s a cruel approach, but I think seriously it will be hers. It’s Lara Croft. She can be really cruel and merciless, and in this case, she is.

Not that she thinks she is better for not being dependant of alcohol, of course. Not that she totally rejects it. It’s just, it’s not a healthy habit and she prefers to avoid unhealthy habits, tho she’ll drink in certain occasions if the circumstances requires it. But not against her own will or desire, of course.

Shelooked down at the champagne glass, still half full. In Dubai shariawas strict: no alcohol, but these laws weren’t made for foreigners andcertainly not for the hotels where they were entertained. Still, she had nodesire to drink. In fact, all she wanted was to get out of there.

- MR. VANCE RENNER, Tomb Raider One-shot 3

Now, what about Kurtis? He’s absolutely different to Lara. He’s been through serious shit during all his life - that doesn’t mean Lara hasn’t, but she has a different way to face things. Not Kurtis. He’ll drink. A lot.

Murti never mentioned something like this but he describes him as a “tough customer”. After knowing a little about his biography - the son of a Lux Veritatis and a Navajo woman, harshly trained in the ways of the Order - you can only imagine how much suffering that training could have meant to him, and how sick he got of the Shadow War, so that he decides to betray his people and run away… to seek refuge in the Foreign Legion. The freaking Foreing Legion, which is reputed to be one of the harshest armies in the world, with a really brutal training, composed by ex-convicts and criminals who seek to have their reports expunged, turning their former crimes into military services. A living hell. And he went in there being only 19 years old. Wow.

Of course he only stays there until he achieves French citizenship, then he quits. But even in there he’s chased by demons, to the point his own partners nickname him Demon Hunter after he fights a defeats a djinn in the Arabian desert. This is all Murti’s canon, not mine. It is there when my own headcanon starts.

Taking into account his background story - a warrior, a soldier, a Legionnaire, a hardened fighter - I wanted to develop Kurtis as a tragic character, a tortured soul. Being alcoholic suited him perfectly after that. My idea is that he drank - and drank a lot - during his years in the Legion, together with his partners, and he even won drinking competitions. It’s there when Kurtis develops a tolerance for alcohol. He might haven been punished by his superiors for drinking too much and not be in top form for the military service - and hell, in the Foreing Legion punishments are harsh, even to the point of physical injure, but, what’s that compared with his Lux Veritatis training?

He can take it, and he takes it. After winning several drinking contest, instead of dying of alcohol intoxication or turning his liver into a can of foie gras, he develops an extreme tolerance for alcohol. Just like Marion Ravenwood in Raiders of the Lost Ark, by the way.

This is one of my earliest headcanons, if you remember :) He even uses his alcohol tolerance as a resource to get information, according to his will of always keeping a low profile, his past as a double agent and his choice of not using violence is he can achieve something in a more discreet way.

In fact, Kurtis still had his first glass half full while his partnerwas on his twelfth. He’d only wet his lips twice. “I can’t overdo.” He replied with a calm smile.“I recently had stomach surgery and shouldn’t be playing with this.”

At least, that wasn’t a lie. In fact, he had really good alcohol tolerance - when the fellow right there wouldbe on the floor Kurtis would feel onlya slight tingling; but it wasn’t time to get drunk, not even to sound moreconvincing.

- THE GOLDEN SEAL, chapter 17, This man will survive

So, we can say Kurtis does not become a drunk in the strict sense of the word - he could have not survived too long to that, no matter the Gift - but he obviously will drink without problem most of the time, and of course, he’ll totally drink when feeling down and depressed.

And I mean, really down and really depressed, for he will need a lot of alcohol to really lost conciousness. And he won’t achieve  it most of the times - unless he intends to make his own liver explode. And as we said previosuly, he has not a suicide impulse. He just wants to fade away. For a while. To drown his sorrows with alcohol. 

That’s why he has a different approach of alcohol that Lara has - he’s no problem with it, and he doesn’t exactly  despise drunk people - he pities them at most, and they will remind him of himself most of the time. 

Of course, I’ve always meaning high-grade beverages, and he will only resource to them in extreme situations. If you recall Café Metro, what was he drinking in there?

Exactly. He’s drinking red wine, as far as I know, provided he’d ordered it and it’s not just a tempation dropped there by Pierre, lmao.

I am not an expert in alcoholic beverages - you know I don’t usually drink and when I do, I easily get drunk at the first shot lmao - but I think it takes a bit of taste to prefer red wine over whisky - for example. He’s just there enjoying a glass of French red wine - isn’t that cute, please - because it’s duty day. He’s not renouncing to a bit of alcohol, but definitely he’s not drinking bourbon or something like that.

Ok, this answer is again long af, isn’t it? Time to shut up. Just, long story short: no, Lara’s not and has never been an alcoholic, she might have drink a little more than usual in the past, but definitely that didn’t leave a mark in her. She’ll pretty much despise alcohol as a way of solving things. She’ll have her own ways to deal with problems.

Kurtis, on the opposite, while not being a drunk in the strict sense of the word, has drunk a lot in the past, to he point of developing alcohol tolerance. Most of the time, he’s in control, except when having a disturbing experience or feeling particularly weak, down and depressed. 

But, what is a disturbing experience for a war hero, a lonely wolf who has dealt all his life with disturbing, disgusting and unpleasant situations? Obviously, every person, no matter how tough, has their limits and their buttons to be pushed. And he’ll react badly if having his feelings hurt or his soft spots touched. That’s why he used to conceal those feelings from everyone.

Of course, there’s a single exception for that rule, and this person can really push his buttons. And this is all I can say, for now.

Enough of this. Ana out

[theconservativebrief]

Bad boys are over. Man-children are over. Lovable losers are over. The women of America are too busy being re-traumatized by the discourse of #MeToo over and over again to want to fantasize about doing the enormous emotional labor required to heal troubled men of their wounds and shape them from tortured frogs into perfect Prince Charmings.

No, instead, American pop culture has officially entered into the era of the wholesome bae. Which is to say that this is Noah Centineo’s universe now, and the rest of us are just living in it.

More accurately, it is Peter Kavinsky’s universe. Peter Kavinsky is the character played by Noah Centineo in Netflix’s breakout high school romantic comedy To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. He is the crush object of the summer, and like all great fictional crush objects before him — Jake Ryan, Jordan Catalano — he is known universally by his full name.

In the brief time since To All the Boys premiered, Peter Kavinsky has become iconic for his wholesomeness: his willingness to drive all the way across town to get Lara Jean her yogurt smoothies, his decision to drink kombucha at a house party because he’s driving and also it’s supposed to be good for your digestion, his instinct to keep the popcorn bowl from getting overturned in a middle of an impromptu pillow fight.

Peter Kavinsky is beloved because, unlike his predecessors, he is not actively a bad person, and that is still new and exciting in the world of teen movies. He is not performatively woke or intellectual or tortured or given to especially grand gestures, and that is what makes him appealing: He is most celebrated for reliably doing small things, for showing up, for exuding a sense of honest wholesomeness.

But Peter Kavinsky is fictional, and as such, his ability to spin out endless new content for the internet to sigh over is limited. Noah Centineo, on the other hand, is a real person who can fuel endless new GIFs, one who is taking full advantage of his rise to fame to energetically pursue the mantle of the internet’s most wholesome boyfriend. His media strategy since the premiere of To All the Boys seems to be pointed with military precision toward the archetype of the moment.

Like his most famous character, Centineo is not trying to be especially woke, or especially intellectual, or especially artistic, or especially cool. He’s going for a much more basic appeal, like a Tiger Beat cover star who is not entirely asexual: the emotionally healthy soft jock. The wholesome boyfriend. He is a hot guy who is also reliably nice. That is his whole thing, and it is damn effective.

When To All the Boys came out, Centineo picked up a million Instagram followers overnight. Within a month, he’d gone from 800,000 followers pre-To All the Boys to 9.5 million. Now he’s at 12.8 million. His fan base is so fervent that he had to devote part of an interview with Jimmy Kimmel to politely asking them to stop following him around in real life. “I love your love!” he said. “Just don’t follow me.”

Centineo’s rise to fame is a kind of case study in the appeal of the wholesome internet boyfriend, and why this archetype has taken on a particular urgency here in the draining final months of 2018. Here’s how you become the central crush object of the internet in record time, and where you go next.

The first stage in Centineo’s conquest of the internet’s collective heart was to create a certain slippage between himself and Peter Kavinsky. To All the Boys fans were all reliably swooning over the same three Peter Kavinsky moments — the time he has his hand in Lara Jean’s back pocket and then kind of twirls her around, the whole thing with the popcorn and the pillow fight, the time he bashfully splashes her from the hot tub — and within days of the movie’s release, director Susan Johnson had said in interviews that all three moments were Centineo’s idea. Peter Kavinsky might be fictional, the publicity narrative suggested, but the man behind his best moments was actually alive.

The To All the Boys press team also began to heavily imply that maybe Centineo and his co-star Lana Condor were in love in real life, too. (Lana Condor has been with her boyfriend for years and said so, but that didn’t stop a fun press narrative from building.) The adorable picture of Peter and Lara Jean cuddling that appeared in the movie was actually a behind-the-scenes picture of Centineo and Condor napping between takes, it was revealed. Centineo and Condor referred to each other as “the love of my life” all over social media.

“I love Noah. I think he’s the greatest guy in the world. I mean who wouldn’t?” said the prescient Condor to Elle. “He’s the internet’s boyfriend.”

BuzzFeed’s AM to DM morning show got to the heart of the question: Are people thirsting over Peter Kavinsky or Noah Centineo? “As a genius once said, ‘Why not both?’” responded internet thirst expert Nichole Perkins.

While the line between the Peter Kavinsky character and the Noah Centineo public persona became steadily blurrier, Centineo himself was busy on a press tour, giving interview answers that could have been mathematically calibrated in a lab as the perfect good-girl bait.

Asked to describe his perfect date, Centineo volunteered a story about a time he swapped books with a girl and just spent three hours reading with her.

how is this kid real??? like???? i mean???? i would die???????? someone take me on this date like today?????????????????? pic.twitter.com/jii46EQMPs

— Preeti Chhibber @ NYCC oh god too soon tho (@runwithskizzers) August 29, 2018

Asked how he got so good at flirting by Allison P. Davis for the Cut, he delivered this impromptu monologue on the nature of love:

“Am I flirting?” he laughs and leans and looks down at the floor. “I don’t know — I’m fucking so romantic. Like, such a romantic — it’s not even funny. I can’t help it. I swear to God, like, every day, the majority of my day is sentimental. You know, I’m thinking about past relationships I’ve been in, how I miss them so much or what I would do different, or why I wanna be with them again, or just moments I’d like to go back to or I know why I shouldn’t go back, and then you know, it’s just constantly love, love, love.”

Specific or even all that interesting? Not really. Kind of basic? Extremely. But that, after all, is part of the point: the wholesome boyfriend doesn’t have to rise above basicness. He just has to love love, without cynicism or irony. He’s the hot guy who is also consistently nice, who is aware of his emotions and unashamed of them.

Centineo kept hitting his wholesome boyfriend marks with the relentless force of someone who sees his route to superstardom and will not be stopped. He showed up shirtless to an interview and did it without coming off as a complete douche. He did a puppy interview for BuzzFeed, and a perfect boyfriend video for Elle that also had some puppies because look, why not. He became so relentlessly wholesome that not even a leaked nudes scandal could hold him back.

Currently, Centineo’s gone about as far as Peter Kavinsky can take him, and as with any star on the brink of overexposure, he’s facing a certain amount of backlash. The staff of Jezebel has formally dissolved their relationship with internet boyfriend Centineo — “Whatever we (the staff of Jezebel as a whole) had with Centineo (who has never met any of us, to the best of my knowledge), it’s OVER” — citing in part the extreme basicness of his social media presence (the boy loves an inspirational quote). In a recent New York Times profile, his single-minded push for attention was just on the verge of coming off as desperate rather than endearing.

At Lainey Gossip, Kathleen Newman-Bremang is reading the warning signs. “Internet Boyfriend is a designation you get on the come-up,” she writes, citing the previous examples of Michael B. Jordan and Tom Hiddleston. “You either leverage it in your favour (MBJ) or get so drunk off its power you try too hard and become a caricature of yourself (Hiddleston). Where will Noah Centineo fall?” Being the internet’s flavor of the month is not exactly a recipe for career longevity.

But for the moment, Centineo’s month is not over. He remains on top of the world, at the pinnacle of internet boyfriend-ness. The Cut has proclaimed him “the best thirst architect the internet’s ever seen,” lauding his “Stanislavski dedication” to playing “a simple, suburban-mall kind of crush.” GQ looked into what all the fuss was about and came to a simple conclusion: “America Is Horny for Wholesome.”

One of the side effects of the increasingly public gender struggles of the past few years is that they’ve made a lot of previously attractive romantic archetypes seem a lot less appealing than they used to.

How do you sigh over the Johnny Depp-like wounded bad boy when actual Johnny Depp maybe beat his wife? How do you swoon for the stalwart Mel Gibson-like action hero when actual Mel Gibson is on tape telling the mother of his child she deserves to be raped? How do you root for the sweet shy geek to get the hot girl to notice him when shy geeks are joining the incels because they can’t get hot girls to notice them?

In a time when the world is getting ever scarier, and a little romantic escapism would be a welcome refuge from thinking about whether we’re about to put a second man accused of sexual misconduct on the Supreme Court or we’re going to wake up to find that we are in a nuclear war with North Korea, it’s getting harder and harder to find a romantic fantasy that still feels safe.

That’s part of why To All the Boys, with its relentless tenderness and sincerity, became the kind of movie that people watch over and over again on a loop. (“I never rewatch movies,” people keep telling me, “but I watched it twice.”) Its entire ethos is that of nice, kind people working hard to be nice and kind to each other, and that atmosphere has immense currency in the Trump era; you want to live in it. And that’s the Peter Kavinsky fantasy: a boy who will never, ever do anything cruel and will always tell you that you look really pretty today. The hot guy who is reliably nice.

And that’s the fantasy around which Noah Centineo has relentlessly curated his public image. He has made an exact science out of being the internet’s most wholesome boyfriend, at a time when all people want is someone wholesome. So even if he isn’t able to parlay his current viral fame into career longevity, he’s still managed to be exactly what this moment in time needs.

Original Source -> Noah Centineo and the rise of the wholesome internet boyfriend, explained

via The Conservative Brief