#not me knowing fully well i’ve had a problem for like 4 years and not seeking help until now

[bringmetothe-pilot]

started going to AA… so yeah

[mirisss]

Chapter 10

Stray Kids OT8 x hybrid! afab! reader

Warnings: Crying, mentions of some members acting violent (in response to (Y/n)’s past), mentions of scars, some anxiety, eating/food, sleep problems, I think that’s it, let me know if I’ve missed anything. 

Wordcount ≈ 2.2k

Hey everyone! I hope you enjoy this chapter! I can’t believe I’ve been working on this series for two years, it’s crazy, I didn’t think it would take this long but I am so happy to see so many people enjoying my story. I just want to say thank you for all the support, but don’t worry, this is not the end of the story, we still have a long way to go! 

Please reblog! 

Taglist: @ayoo-bangtan, @lose-lose07, @kingcarrot-thecarrotking, @starjane312, @reighlee-greaves, @hi-39024, @queenmea604, @septicrebel, @justayoungandwisefangirl, @imasimplol, @k-p0p-4ever, @detectivedoodle, @hehe-24-hehe, @jinnie-ret, @0325tiny, @borahae-reads, @shycreationdreamland, @kiaralynn3838, @blondechannie, @theydy-madamonsieur, @boi-bi-ahaha, @riri321, @3rachasninja, @kkamismom12, Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 11,

(Y/n) closed her eyes, fully trusting Jeongin, just as she would with any of the eight boys she now called her home. Jeonging couldn’t help but smile as he too closed his eyes. 

(Y/n)’s POV

I closed my eyes and leaned in, I wasn’t too sure what to do, but that didn’t matter. I knew I wanted this and I felt safe. Soon I felt Jeongin’s soft lips, gently press against mine. An electric feeling spread through my body. It washed away any anxiety that I felt, leaving me with only curiosity and love. Jeongin gently ran a hand through my hair as he put just a little more pressure into the kiss, I tried responding by leaning my head a little to the side, something I had seen in a movie. I felt Jeongin smiling into the kiss, it made me relax even more. His scent was intense yet calming, so much contact with his warm skin, the feeling of his hand gently running through my hair, soothing me. I never wanted this moment to end. All too soon, he broke the kiss by leaning back. A bright smile and sparkling eyes greeted my gaze as I opened my eyes. 

“Wow, your lips are so soft,” He whispered, but I heard him loud as day. “It was nice,” I whispered back. He kissed me on my forehead before he stood up, giving me a hand to help me stand as well. “You should get in the water before it gets cold, I’ll head out to the others, and we’ll see each other soon again, okay?” “Yeah, that sounds okay,” “Just call for me or anyone if you need us,” “Thank you,” Jeongin left me alone as I undressed and got into the warm water. The bath salt scent was strong, it felt like being embraced by the ocean and a summer breeze. I relaxed in the water, breathing calmly as I felt better after sharing some of my past with Hyunjin. I knew he was telling the others about what I told him, it weirdly felt nice to know that I didn’t have to share it on my own, telling it once was hard enough. 

Third Person POV

Once Jeongin came back to the living room, Hyunjin began telling him, Minho, and Felix about (Y/n)’s past, or the part she had shared with him. Felix began crying at the thought of the sweet bunny being put through such trauma. Minho felt angry, he wanted to find the people who hurt (Y/n) and make sure they couldn’t do it again, once he calmed down a little, he felt almost a little happy, happy that he found her and took her home. Here she would be able to live happily, in a home filled with love. With their family. Jeongin understood why (Y/n) had asked him to stay, not wanting to be alone, he wanted to run back to the bathroom and hold her, telling her she would never be alone again. 

“We’re going to have to tell the others too, do you think you’re up for it, Jinnie?” Minho asked, concerned that it would be too much for the younger. “I think I can do it as long as I’m not alone,” “We’ll be here with you, someone will have to hold back Chan-hyung and Binnie, they’re going to go berserk when they find out,” Minho said, half-joking as an attempt to make Felix laugh instead of cry, though he knew that it was true. Bang Chan and Changbin would not take this well, if Minho thought he felt angry it wasn’t anything compared to those two. 

“Hey, you okay, Lixie?” Hyunjin asked as he moved closer to the crying boy. “Yeah, I just hate thinking of our sweet bunny being in so much pain and being alone. I hate feeling lonely, it’s the worst feeling,” “She’s not alone anymore, she has us. You have us, we have each other. We have all felt lonely but we’re together now so we don’t have to be alone anymore,” Jeongin said, it resembled his talk with (Y/n). Stray Kids was quite a fitting name, all of them having been astray, lonely, and isolated, but now they have one another and together they chase away the hurt and pain of their past. In each other they found a family, they found love, and most of all, they found a home. 

(Y/n) emerged from the bathroom a little while later, Felix and Hyunjin were gaming, Minho was in the kitchen preparing some food, and Jeongin sat on the couch, scrolling through instagram. “Hey,” the hybrid said lowly, Jeongin looked up with a smile. “Hey, feel better now?” “A little, the bath salt was nice,” “What do you want to do now?” “I think I’ll go help Minho out, and get a snack,” Jeongin just smiled and gave her a thumbs up. His eyes scrunched together, making him look so cute, and (Y/n) couldn’t help but smile too. (Y/n) walked over to the kitchen, hearing Minho curse lowly just before she walked in. Finding him glaring angrily at a pot on the stove. “Hey,” (Y/n) had during her time with the boys heard them joking about Minho being scary but she didn’t see it, to her he was someone with a soul so kind that it could not know any hate. He was gentle and sweet, (Y/n) was never cautious around him, perhaps it was because he was the one who found her, the first human who ever cared about her. 

“Oh, hey (Y/n), are you hungry?” “A little, but I also want to help you, with whatever you’re doing,” “Can you help me glare at the pot for ruining the food I was making?” The two chuckled at how Minho blamed an inanimate object for messing up the recipe and not himself. Minho reveled in how comfortable the hybrid was around him, his heart feeling just a little lighter to see her smiling and cheerful after everything. “What did the pot do?” “It burnt the food, so I have to start over,” “I’ll help you,” “Okay, well, just stir this and I’ll make a sandwich for you, okay?” “Yes!” And so the two made some food, this time without burning it. Shortly after they finished with the food, the other guys came home. Happy to find the table set for dinner as they were all starving. The nine of them sat down and ate, Chan and the others telling everyone about the information they received during the meeting and whatnot. 

After dinner, (Y/n) and Felix volunteered to take care of the dishes, so that Hyunjin could tell the others about his and (Y/n)’s conversation. Minho and Jeongin sat down beside the tall dancer, ready to help him explain anything in case he found it too hard to say for a third time. Minho had been correct in thinking that Chan and Changbin would be angry, but he had never thought that Seungmin and Han would react just as strongly in anger toward the hybrid’s past. “Do we have their names? Or anything? We could contact the authorities if we did, even if it is in the past, what they have done isn’t allowed,” Chan said, looking at Hyunjin, hopeful that they had more information on these people. Hyunjin shook his head, “She didn’t tell me any names so if she knows, she didn’t share them with me,” Changbin clenched his jaw and his hands, anger flowing through his body, he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “She seemed quite cheerful now though,” “Yeah, she took a bath and just spent some time with us, grounding herself in the safety of our home,” Jeongin answered. 

“Do you think we should buy some scar treatment lotions? Or something to treat her scars, they may be old but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try to treat them,” Seungmin said, imagining how uncomfortable it must be for her, he also wondered if maybe (Y/n) was ashamed of her scars. “I’m not sure, we’ll have to look into it and maybe bring her to the vet for a check-up, just to see what the vet will say,” Chan answered. “Honestly, I don’t know if she’s ready to see a vet or a doctor, you see how she is around other people, to have someone come so close and touch her, I’m not sure it’s a good idea, not yet,” Minho said, the others agreed with him after hearing his argument. 

“There’s one more thing, or actually two, that happened earlier,” Hyunjin said, everyone directed their attention to him once more, worried about what he would say. “(Y/n) had a panic attack in the elevator, which caused this whole ordeal, and when we got out of the elevator she kind of collapsed on the floor, and when I tried to calm her down, she kind of kissed me,” Everyone except Jeongin was surprised when Hyunjin told them about the kiss, after all, (Y/n) had told him so he already knew. “What? She kissed you, ahh, I’m so jealous,” Han said loudly, whining at the thought. “She kissed me too, or well, rather she asked me to kiss her before she took her bath,” Jeongin said. 

Just then, (Y/n) and Felix came back out from the kitchen, just in time for Felix to hear Jeongin tell the others about their kiss. (Y/n) shyly looked at Felix as he looked down at the bunny in surprise, he gave her a smile before he continued walking. “I’m sorry,” “Why are you apologizing, (Y/n)?” Han questioned. “Because I kissed them, and not all of you,” “Hey, no pressure. You need to take everything at your own pace, we can wait. There is no reason to rush into something,” Seungmin answered, his honey-sweet voice made a warm sensation spread through (Y/n)’s body. “Are you sure?” “Of course, we are, bunny,” Chan said, standing up and walking over to her, he opened his arms, inviting her into a hug, and (Y/n) gladly accepted it. 

For the remainder of the night, everyone did some different things, some were gaming, others like Hyunjin and (Y/n) were painting, some had gone to bed, and some (*cough* 3racha *cough*) were still working. Soon it was time for everyone to try and get some sleep. (Y/n) got ready and changed into cozy pajamas, then she followed Changbin to his room as she would spend the night there. She got into her bed, enjoying the soft feeling of it. Changbin whispered good night as he lay down in his own bed. 

(Y/n) tossed and turned in her bed as the comfort escaped her all too soon. Her body was on full alert, not allowing her to fall asleep. She tried to think of how soft her pajamas were, or how warm the blanket was, yet it didn’t work. (Y/n) then tried to think of the boys, how warm they are, how nice and kind they have been to her. How much she loves them and how much they love her, but not even this could help her relax. After 2 hours of frustration, she sat up, contemplating going to the kitchen and getting a snack. The hybrid was a bit startled to find Changbin sitting up only a second after her, her hybrid senses allowing her to see even in the dark, (Y/n) could clearly see his eyes being open, he was awake. 

“Can’t sleep?” He asked in a raspy voice, indicating that he had woken up from his sleep. “Mm,” Was all (Y/n) could answer. “Come here,” The rapper said as he lifted the covers on his bed, inviting her into his bed. While the thought scared her a little, she couldn’t decline the invite as the idea of falling asleep in his safe embrace just seemed too good. (Y/n) stood up and walked over to the bed, lying down beside (Y/n). Changbin gently put his arms around her, guiding her to rest her head on his chest, (Y/n) inhaled his scent, calming her body. (Y/n) focused on the steady beats of his heart and his calm breathing. Changbin fell back asleep almost instantly, (Y/n) stayed awake for a couple of minutes but eventually, thanks to the warmth and the safety of his strong embrace, the dream world welcomed her as she fell into a deep slumber. 

[sunnybyler]

i’ve been sitting on my thoughts for so long but i just have to get this off my chest. i don’t like to yuck ppls yum so if you like e/riel pls scroll away nd keep having your fun it’s not my problem. however some of y’all can get mean as HELL and as an elucien i have to get this off my chest. (also warning for gwynriels i’m with y’all i defend y’all here however i do go in a bit on az in this so fair warning). i truly have no idea why e/riels cling so hard to the azriel bonus chapter in acosf because that chapter, more than literally anything else in the series, proved to me that e/riel is absolutely NOT going to be endgame. let me explain:

1. it is explicitly stated that azriel did not think of his relationship with elain outside of a sexual nature. i think some ppl get kinda annoyingly puritanical when trying to make this point when it’s like 100% certain lucien had sexual thoughts of elain too. the point isn’t the thoughts themselves. the difference here is the explicit mention that he didn’t consider anything with her outside of that.

2. the point above ^ is further exacerbated by the fact that az did not give a flying fuck if he killed elain’s MATE. even if elain hasn’t accepted the bond, it would still be extremely painful for her based on what we’ve seen with rhys, feyre, and even rhys’s parents (who weren’t good for each other, yet we saw how rhys’s dad lost it when she died). now of course us lucien lovers know damn well he would never in a million years call a blood duel to try to claim elain (and fuck u rhys for saying that, i usually have your back but come ON you are not the only male who can respect their mate’s autonomy). but az doesn’t know that!? in fact seems to agree with rhys that he could. ppl argue on who would win that fight — my opinion hinges 100% on if powers are fully unleashed but that’s not the point at all. no matter WHO wins, elain is going to feel responsible for someone’s death. of course it wouldn’t be her fault if men decided to be fucking stupid, but with the little we know about elain shows that she would feel so guilty if that happened. but azriel doesn’t seem to give af that anyone fighting to the death over her is the last thing she would ever want. not only did az not think of elain outside his fantasies and therefore not fully care for her, but he doesn’t seem to even KNOW elain in this chapter. now, i could go in on this in acosf as a whole. but i’m keeping it to this chapter alone.

3. and further on THAT point, az doesn’t really give any reasoning on his interest in elain outside of this insane “three brothers/three sisters” thing he fully pulled out of his ass. tbh i almost thing this is sjm’s way of addressing the fan theories on that. now i get it to some extent from az’s pov — seeing his brothers happy with these sisters must fuck with your head after you’d all been bachelors together for 500 years. especially considering how he’s felt unworthy of love his whole life and this seems to support that insecurity of his. i get that it makes him feel ostracized from them, and that he’s now an outlier not being with an archeron. i get that. i do. i sympathize with him here. however that does not change the fact that he isn’t speaking of elain like she’s her own individual here — hell he fully calls her “the other”. i think part of this conversation was him being frazzled, i give him a bit more grace than some do (tho he pissed me off BAD in this scene), but we were fully in this man’s head. did he give us a full reason why he liked elain besides his brother’s mates and his sexual thoughts?? they would’ve at least crossed his mind when rhys was grilling them if sjm was trying to set up her next romance here. as it is, we have literally nothing to imply azriel actually likes elain herself and not the idea of being closer with his brothers.

4. az has kinda a habit of ignoring the reality of the women he’s attracted to in some way. he has his own version of them in his head that he puts on a pedestal. now i could do a whole psych eval on this man and how he thinks he’s unworthy of love and therefore only allows himself to have feelings for women he knows/thinks he can’t have. but to focus on this chapter alone, my points above ^ about how he doesn’t really think of elain outside his fantasies/bringing him closer to his brothers and not really understanding her pretty much wraps it up there. i mean he even talks about how he thinks his scarred hands don’t belong on her because she’s so perfect in his eyes. that’s not love, that’s obsession and it’s unhealthy. he clearly thinks himself below elain and ignores that she has her own flaws too.

5. aaaand i saved the biggest for (almost) last….. GWYN. this is a genuine GENUINE question. why in the fucking hell. would sjm make half the chapter focusing on az & gwyn if she was teasing e/riel. like that makes no sense. not to be annoying and mention chekhov's gun but that idea applies to relationships too. i’m sorry but she couldn’t be more explicit about her future romances. you could argue “oh well it’s because there’s gonna be a love triangle”. y’all. elain has. elain has a mate. there already IS a love triangle. there was absolutely no reason for her to bring gwyn into this chapter other than her preparing us for a future relationship, literally none. especially with all the romantic subtext (hell not even subtext, just TEXT). gwyn getting him to talk about himself so easily when he’s so quiet usually, him taking the idea of making her happy and he “buried the image down deep, where it GLOWED QUIETLY” (which SCREAMS mating bond to me but even if it’s not it’s clearly something he cherishes deeply), the SHADOWSINGERS SHADOWS SANG FOR HER!?

6. the fucking necklace regifting. oh it’s bad. OHHH ITS BAD. when the girls realize it’s gonna be SO messy but im hoping sjm doesn’t go the stupid cat fight route bc neither of them did anything wrong. az did. i’m sorry i’m dunking on him so much in this post i rlly don’t hate him i just think he needs like decades of therapy (which tbf don’t we all) which i unfortunately don’t think sjm is going to give him before giving him his romance. but even the biggest azriel lovers have to admit that this was insanity. a few points on it here. first, if it’s so easily regiftable then it couldn’t have been that well thought out in regards to elain. say what you will about lucien’s gifts, even argue that he gave her jewelry too. but elain was actually shown wearing pearls. az’s gift seemed shallow to me — it was something pretty, and elain’s pretty, and it had a flower, and elain gardens. it’s clear lucien put SO much more thought into his gifts, whether he succeeded or not (which i need to remind y’all — we still don’t know. maybe she liked the gifts maybe she didn’t, but regardless she acted the way she did bc of her feelings about the bond, not the gift). and azriel has spent so much more time with elain than lucien has. if that necklace really felt like elain to him, he could’ve kept it or returned it. but nope. buddy gave it to a whole other girl bc he could easily associate it with someone else. he clearly felt some special pull towards gwyn too, going out of his way to give it to her. he had ONE meaningful conversation with her. i already discussed the quote earlier that makes me think mating bond personally. but no matter what, him giving her the same gift he gave someone he was pursuing romantically is a clear sign of what’s to come (and probably a setup for some sort of drama that i don’t think im mentally ready for).

so there we have it! why i think that the bonus chapter thoroughly proves that e/riel is not going to be endgame. i honestly think it’s possible they might be a thing for a minute (tho i could also see this being the closing of that chapter), but i don’t think it’s going to last. sjm just gave us too many blatant hints that elain and az would NOT work together long term, and that azriel in particular is more suited for someone else. i might’ve missed some points bc there is SO much that goes down in this tiny chapter so lmk if there’s other stuff you picked up on!

[createyourownnarrative]

Usually I try not to post too much about Long Covid on my regular FB feed. I’ve learned to just not do it. It’s best I save those posts for my support groups where I can get the support I need from people going through the same struggle.

But I need to get this off my chest.

I always knew I wanted to be an artist. I dabbled in many mediums over the years, photography, music, painting, film/media, writing, I’ve made sculptures. I truly enjoy expressing myself through various art forms, and connecting with others through that.

In 2010-2011, after years of working job after job trying to find my passion (when most of my friends were already college graduates with direction) and feeling a little lost, in the retail industry, I put my foot down, went back to school and chose a medium, & decided to pursue THAT. One medium I truly always loved: Photography. In 2012, I exhibited my work for the first time. In 2020 I opened up my first photo studio. A creative space where I can share and make memories. 1 month later, a global pandemic overturns our worlds and realities. I never would have imagined, that, in our lifetime. You just don’t think it could happen to you (to us). But it did. It’s still so surreal to me.

I got sick with Covid twice. I knew some people who had covid over 4-8 times. I had it twice. It only took that first bout with the virus to completely change my life. My body. My mind. My worries. My perspective. My whole world. And my future. I thought I almost had it figured out, my path, my plans, my goals. What I wanted to do, and where I wanted to go. Who I wanted to be. Now i’m grateful that I make it through my day, without collapsing. (which has happened and was very scary). My last two photography jobs, I couldn’t feel my hands. It’s why I’ve been so inactive, since I got sick. Whats going to happen when I can’t take pictures anymore?

When I tested positive for the first time, I cried in the cab ride home. I was beyond terrified. What will this mean? Will I survive this? What is going to happen. I thought if I can get through the virus and live, that’s all I could want. Some months before, I had lost a high school friend, a fellow musician, to Coronavirus. He was only 32 years old. We didn’t know what would happen. Who was at risk of death. After 9 or 10 days, with the virus. I tested negative, and returned to work. Feeling good, that I survived. Especially after day 4, when I woke up gasping for air in the night. I feared I wouldn’t wake up. I got blamed for testing positive by people around me. It was “my fault”. For “not being careful”. I felt so alienated. After I returned to work, I was preparing to move, packing, organizing, purging. One day, I could not get out of bed. And strange heavy symptoms. I thought I had Covid again. Of course the test came back negative.

But I would never be the same again. I never fully recovered from getting sick. Stuck back in 2020.

Do you know what it’s like? I see the world moving on. Almost like it never happened. Our government lying and covering up facts/truth. We are still sick. Still here. 18 million people in America are still sick with Post Covid syndrome. I’m left to feel like it’s my fault..I’m to blame. Because I “didn’t take care of myself.” Would you say that to someone with cancer? Or fibromyalgia? Or heart problems? Or Alzheimer’s? Or diabetes? Or any other illness? The stigma I’m (and we are) facing is unreal. People don’t believe me when I say “I still can’t taste and smell” and that I’m chronically ill now. “You don’t look sick”. “It’s because you party too much”. “you’re getting older” “it’s all those long nights you work on your feet”. I’ve heard it all. “But I see you at the bar working”. I have to work. There is no disability, go fund me, or assistance. I have to pay my rent. On my own. So I need to work. But just because you see me, at work, doesn’t mean I’m well. It just means I’m pushing myself to stay alive. It’s been true torture working through all this. I mourn and grieve for weeks and months at a time. It hasn’t stopped. It took me a long time, to accept that this is not going away anytime soon.

And my heart is broken. I feel left out in the rain. By our leaders, scientists, doctors, friends I thought I had. There is no community support. Even if someone believes you’re sick. No funding/fundraisers for LC. There is no cure, no pill, no treatment, no progress in finding treatment or biomarkers in the body to be able to even test for LC. The unpredictability of it. The symptoms. It’s really been torturous. Torture. A true nightmare. Having to sit in the shower so I don’t fall. Or hit my head (again) Doubling heart rate just upon standing. I get winded just talking and singing karaoke. I forget everything now. I slur my speech, sober. Tremors like Parkinsonism. My memory loss and constant issues feel like dementia-brain fog. I forget how to spell now. my hands turn purple red and blue when I step out of the shower. Migraines that last for months. Months. I take Tylenol like it’s medication. Neuropathy, nerve pain, nerve itches, tingling and numbness. My body temperature can’t regulate, so I often am cold and hot simultaneously. How do you remedy that? The discomfort and distress I feel is unbearable. Loosing clumps of hair. My hair is greying more and more rapidly post covid. Brittle nails. Skin issues. Digestive issues. Eye problems. Cognitive difficulties. Joint pain. Muscle pain. Muscle atrophy. Weakness. Severe severe fatigue. Almost like you worked out at the gym, full body then took a benadryl. Every. Fucking. Day. I’m tired of being so fucking tired. Before Covid, people would always have to tell me to slow down. Working full time, school, internships, photography, going to the gym full time. I always took on so much. I had so much energy and drive. It was a fire in me.

Now it’s gone. A piece of me has died, undoubtedly. And I question everything now. Most days I’m afraid to leave my house. And don’t. Unless it’s to work. If I do leave my house, it’s because I’m pushing myself, and I’m not well. My anxiety and depression are much worse. Chronic illness has also taken its toll on my mental health. It’s been draining trying to keep up with the world. I feel left behind. I’m not only mourning my health, and my abilities, but my passion in life, the one thing I worked so hard for. My future. And Photography. What do I do, if I can’t create anymore? What purpose do I have?

No one believes me, or think LC exists. And if I don’t “show up”, it’s because “she’s a flake”. I’m in such a dark place you may never understand. How do I navigate this life? Being sick every day.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I definitely want to back up that anon who thinks jimin is still in the kitchen! In truth I think all the boys are and will be for a long time. I see chapter two as the introduction of their solo careers meaning "hey we are gonna be bts but also be ourselves sometimes too" I think every solo moment we've seen is the beginning which I'm for one super excited about. Imagine a wave of brilliant solo work one year and then phenomenal group work the next. Chapter two is barely a year in and it's already a visual and musical feast. I think jimin loves quietly preparing so he can wow us when he feels the time is right and while I too get tense with the constant radio silence I know it's cause he'll blow my mind the second he wants too. I hope people who feel as if Jimin didn't get a chance to show his true might feel comforted in that he will never ever stop wanting to gag tf out of us. And I think the sentiment holds the same for bts.

***

Exactly this. Up until a few months ago I thought this was well understood, seeing as how BTS has operated till now, but clearly I was mistaken.

For posterity’s sake, to beat this dead horse one final time:

Would it be nice for each member’s release to not have any of the issues they’ve had? Of course. But it’s possible to inform the company of said issues, address what we can for issues due to various platform errors not due to the company, while not losing sight of the fact this is only 2023. We’re still only in 2023. As in, we’re literally just one year into Chapter 2, none of the guys are older than 30, and they keep saying they’re in this for the long haul. And this is the same group that has shown over a decade that their plans are most often and best executed in multi-year stints.

It’s bizarre to think a member’s solo career is over or even damaged at all in any real way because of one or more problems that happened during their first solo release. It betrays such a myopic, winner-take-all mentality that you have to be in a very specific headspace to fully buy into.

Jimin is clearly happy and working. He’s not blind and is seeing what is working for other members and what isn’t. They’re all checking out each other’s solo endeavours from time to time, cheering each other on and I’d say making notes on what they too could try, what works and what doesn’t.

If there’s one thing that’s become clear to me over the years, and even more so in Chapter 2, it’s that BTS is a team. A real team. I’ve seen a lot of k-pop groups over the years and there is no group today, present or past, that would reach the heights BTS has if any of the members sought to harm or sabotage or lord shit over the rest, with or without help from the company. None of the BTS members would put up with that shit. Their egos are too big, they’re so obviously their own people, very ambitious and so aware of it that I really wonder if people actually listen to these men when they talk. They know exactly what they’re worth, and they trust that all the other members know it too. If BigHit showed any real favouritism, BTS is the last group to allow that if it’s not something they themselves have already agreed to.

They all know what they’re doing. And if they don’t, then they’re the only people with the tools to figure it out. All the angst and anguish over this or that happening in fan spaces, has no real effect on these men sitting somewhere in Seoul planning out everything they’d like to do as solo artists and as part of BTS.

That’s my takeaway after watching them for as long as I have. I could be wrong, but I’ve not seen anything to suggest that yet. I’m not sure how long you’ve been in the fandom Anon, or what you think about other issues, but it’s nice to see you and the other Anon share this perspective. It’s a view that’s widely accepted in the fan spaces I’m in outside of Tumblr, but one that is sorely lacking in this space right now.

For no reason at all, one Jimin that I hope one day shows up in Chapter 2, 3, or 4:

Sidebar - A friend (who isn’t religious) was asking another friend recently about religion, because she’s now desperate enough to seek divine intervention for Jimin to find blonde hair dye, and to love it again.

We all know his best hair colour is black, but it’s just as true that a solid case has been made for him being a natural blonde.

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

Okay, that’s it today from my gallery.

That colleague i mentioned the other day, the one that recently got into BTS and now biases Jimin, we’re meeting up this weekend with my other friend, the musician that watched the Grammys with me last year and fell in love with Jimin. That’s an example of two people still finding out about Jimin, falling in love with his music and him as a person, and starting to support him. None of the noise online actually has any real bearing on the impact of real life people still learning about Jimin through his solo music and through BTS, and becoming his fans maybe for life.

If anyone finds themselves feeling overwhelmed in fandom, please zoom out. Please take time away and get some perspective. Everything I’ve said is obvious, none of it is rocket science or gleaned from any special insight. The noise online can suck you in, to prevent that, please detach, go back to their recent and old interviews to hear what they each feel about Chapter 2 and their solo work, listen to all of what Jimin expressed during his promotions, the good and bad. You’d be left with fewer anxieties. At least, that’s the case for me.

Thanks for this, Anon.

[2kverrr]

I read some of ur fics and may I ask, Why do u hate Chloe? Maybe I’m asking because I’m like madly and irrevocably in love with her. But I genuinely am curious.

Also I love the way u write !! Much love xoxo ♥️

so sorry for the late response, think of it as me dwelling on this absolutely amazing question.

i personally believe it was from my first play through when she was mega rude to max

also when she full on expected max to cover for her when chloe got caught on the ganj, not maxs problem.

when you answered kate’s call at the diner, she goes mental at max for it.

personally i sided with david on my first play through, no clue why, i must’ve felt bad for him. and the yap she gives max afterwards, i understand but i think it’s just a bit excessive.

besides all this, i did warm up to her in the next few episodes (what a lie, bay>bae) despite all that had annoyed me, it was left on a pretty decent note.

however when i began playing before the storm, all changed. 4 words. i love joyce price. why is chloe so rude to her? not being funny i would’ve been smacked right round the face if i spoke to my mother like that.

i think at this point i was just overcome with a grudge for this character, and everything she said just because so self-absorbed and bitchy, but i think that was just me i’ll be honest.

i found she was pretty rude to mostly everybody the interacted with and the speech options mostly had bitter undertones and it just irritated me.

just realised how hypocritical this all sounds fully well knowing i’m a vic chase fan till i die.

this all being about 4 years ago, i’ve now come to realise she is a lot more of a complex character than i can comprehend, and i’m happy to accept that.

one more from me, if you didn’t read this already here it is again bay>bae, sorry 🤷

[ryuksbathsaltedapples]

High honor Arthur Morgan x younger reader

Ch 1 abt 3k words

Cw: older man younger woman, NO ACTUAL SEX yet 😏, eventual smut, FEM READER, shy and awkward reader, Arthur is a flirt 💪, masturbation, and believe that’s it nothing much

Author note: this is like the first BIG fic I’ve ever written💀 so if it’s a bit scratchy let me know! Would love to have feedback on what I can do to make my writing better. On another note I’ve only played about 1/4 of the actual game so far, so if this is not an accurate depiction of high honor Arthur let me know, just Spoiler Free!! But I will adjust his personality to make it as cannon as possible. Oh and suggestions for the next part would be great! Brain frog man, craziness

|Arthur finds a girl who needs help with her dog, little did this girl know he was gonna be like a parasite in her brain!|

Arthur was a tough a man, a man who’s killed, robbed, and hurt. But, he does have some morals and values in life, despite what others might think. He’d lived a hard life, 36 years of living and many of them running with the Van der Linde gang, but he trusted the people, trusted Dutch, and he’d never turn his back on them.

One morning while it was a bit cooler, a cold prickly brisk in the air hitting his face as he rode his horse, he saw a girl. He didn’t think much about it, just some young lady out for a stroll, that was until the young lady started calling for him. “Sir! Please! I-i need some help!” Her voice rang out in a pitch clearly distressed. On a bad day, he wouldn’t have tuned around, on an okay day he’d probably would’ve stopped, but today was a good day. So Arthur thought ‘what the hell’ and turned around riding his horse up to the young lady.

“What’s the problem miss?” He said his deep southern voice ringing out, the calmness in his tone widely different from the thin nature of hers. “M-My dog he’s…Jesus he’s fallen in a hole I can’t get him out…! I promise I’m not lying pleas help me!” Her voice rang thin again, he could see the red teary stains around her eyes, and even though apart of him felt suspicious he decided to believe her (besides if it was a trap, he could make it out unscathed easily). “Okay okay, tell me where the dog’s at?” He stated clearly trying to get the girl to calm down, he watched intently as she wiped her eyes and took some deep breaths. “He’s over there…, I tried pulling him out, but..damnit I can’t! He’s to heavy for me…” defeat and embarrassment rang through her voice as she spoke, clearly upset at her failed attempt. Arthur got off his horse and waved his hand, at this the girl started walking towards her big o’l dog.

“He’s in there…” the girl said quietly. The hole was deep and the dog, well being a dog was digging and running around all in it, clearly not as stressed about the situation as his owner was, Arthur sighed a little, realizing he’s about to have to either get in the hole with the dog or fight to get it out “your pup better be a good o’l companion for this…” he said in a slight exasperated laugh as he slowly crawled into the hole, the lady above not responding to his comment. The hole itself was most likely formed by an old cave in, a failed well hole at the looks of it eroded by time. Once Arthur was fully in the dog immediately ran to him sniffing his shoes and pants, its long tail wagging hard.

“He’s a good dog…! Just a bit…well stupid” she said a slight giggle falling over her voice as she spoke tiredly. Arthur took in the smelly big o’l animal, covered in dirt with a stocky build, a large black lab with a very dumb glint in its eyes “well, let’s see if I can get him out”. Once the dog had calmed down a bit he slowly wrapped his arms around the dogs flappy stomach lifting it up. With Arthur’s height he was able to push the dog up enough for the young lady to grab it, the dog crawling out to freedom; as Arthur himself climbed out of the hole he couldn’t help but smirk a bit at the sounds of her scolding the dog.

“Oh you stupid thing! Making me get all dirty and tired! And then forcing me to have to drag some poor soul to get you out!”. “Oh it ain’t no problem, he’s just testing your love” Arthur chuckled whipping some of the dirt off his jacket and pants. He couldn’t help but notice the slight blush on the young lady’s cheeks as she looked to him, she smiled a little as she spoke “..thank you sir, you’re a good person..w-what’s your name?” Her voice ranged shy, something he did not miss. “Arthur Morgan, and yours missy?” he spoke smiling at her, “it’s Y/N”

>

>

Weeks have gone by since you first met the handsome stranger. You weren’t expecting to think about someone who just helped get your dog out of a hole so much, but here you where in your room combing your hair out thinking about his smile, his hair, and his nice weathered cowboy hats and coat. Your daydreaming about this almost complete stranger was cut short as your mother walked in to your room. “Welp! Break times over sweetie, we need to get back to work” your mother spoke strongly but nicely as she exited your room.

You took a deep breath and stretched your back before getting off of the bed, and going outside to continue doing chores. It was a day like no other, feed the chickens, water the animals, weed the gardens, things you’ve been doing since you came out the womb. But, today instead of your mind drifting to thoughts about reading or going swimming in the evening, your only thoughts were on that mysterious cowboy….his face wouldn’t leave your mind, his shadowy stubble…., his tough eyes…, his hands…long and thick fingers, calloused by many hard days of work and life…you wondered how they would feel…, maybe in you hands , or….on your body. This time instead of the voice of your mother waking you from your thoughts, it was the prick of a rather thorny weed that made you snap back, you felt a bit embarrassed at yourself, how could you be so dizzy over a man you met once? I mean sure he was nice, respectful, tough, and handsome….But that’s not the point! ‘If I’m ever gonna get anything done I need to clear my big o’l head!’ You thought shaking your face and continuing with your chores.

>

Sabbath day, you loved it, sure the preacher could get annoying…, and sometimes some of the church members looked at you weird. But, your chores didn’t have to be done today; thoughts raced as the sermon continued, barely paying attention to what the preacher was preaching as you thought what you would do with such a fine Sunday to yourself thoughts about baking, catching up to a book, maybe even begging your parents to let you ride out on your own for a few hours. These thoughts raced and raced, until the next thing you knew you were walking out of church and heading home, but something of surprise came when you got home. Your father, a very gruff man handed you $8 and told you to spend it on what you wanted: well, now you you knew what you were gonna do.

After eating lunch (very quickly might I add) you headed for town, your plan was simple, get some treats, some new pencils or pastels, and maybe check for a new book. You walked into the general store and said hello’s at the owner before looking around, taking in all of the small candies you might get; it was nice, for once being handed money and spending it on something other then necessities, being able to just do something nice for yourself. As you were looking around you heard the door to the shop open, you payed it no mind and kept looking around, trying to think about which sweet was worth the amount of money and what you would have left for other things. Once you picked out the candy you wanted you moved to the small art booking section, filled with the very basics and nothing more.

Looking around you heard a voice “excuse me missy, but I need to grab that” the voice was deep and relaxed, and it caught you off guard as you saw a tough hand pointing to some lead pencils. You turned your head to the man and your eyes immediately widen, the handsome face of the cowboy looking back at you, you couldn’t help but blush immediately feeling very awkward not expecting to ever see that man again. As you stepped over a bit so he could grab the pencils he looked at you again, his serious blue eyes scanning your face, it made you feel a bit nervous “hey…you’re the young lady with the dog!, thought I recognized such a pretty face” he smiled politely at you “y/n right?”. You nodded your head fast as you looked at him, Jesus, marry, and Joseph you could have fainted then and there, maybe it could have been like a romance, him capturing you in his arms…taking you on a romantic ride….kissing all over you… “I-I want to thank you again sir! For getting my dog out, you saved me a lot of trouble mr…Arthur?” You spoke tumbling your words out as you looked at him, standing so close you could really see how large he was, much taller then you, and obviously more muscular.

You felt like a train being derailed almost completely forgetting where you were or what you were doing, that was until he spoke again “well, don’t worry about it, feels good to help young things like you. I remember what it was like at that age, always needing help with something before you get it down” your mind raced as you saw him walking to the counter ending the conversation, you couldn’t just let him end it right here??! So you spoke again following behind him slightly, thinking of the only thing you can do for the man “hey…if you like pies or breads I-I’d like to give you some, I mean as a thanks for helping me, I’ll bake anything you like!” Arthur looked at your for a second taking in the offer, then he spoke cracking his neck as he did “well why not? Haven’t had a good apple pie in.., well a while, besides free food is free food!” He smiled at you as he payed for his things, and oh lord, that smile, maybe you should’ve stayed in church all day with the thoughts swirling in your head. You told him where you lived and to meet you there tomorrow afternoon and he agreed before exiting the store, outside the window you could see him talking to an older gentleman who pointed inside as he spoke to Arthur. Suddenly you felt very embarrassed.

>

You went to sleep early that night unusual for you were known to stay up a bit later to have time to yourself, but the thought of seeing that cowboy tomorrow made you want the day to come sooner. You woke up early that morning and immediately went to go look in the ice box to see if there were any apples left, luckily you found a few and as you were bringing them to the kitchen your mother noticed, and was asking why in the world you were baking now? You stumbled through an explanation about how you were thanking the man who helped you with your dog, your mother eventually backed down but she still seemed a bit upset at the idea of some strange man coming to see her daughter, but she figured it was just a curtsy for him helping you. You baked the pie as fast as you could while also keeping it well, once you were done you hurried outside to catch up on chores you missed while baking.

It felt like hours upon hours of waiting for Arthur to arrive, but eventually around 1pm he did, you saw his horse riding up to your humble estate and you tried to fix yourself as best as you could before greeting him. You walked him inside and your mother walked into the kitchen staring down the man very intently, looking him over and judging his appearance. “Hello Mrs….?” He trailed waiting for your mother to answer “L/N, Mrs L/N. I heard you helped my daughter get our dog unstuck?” She said curtly never taking her eyes off the man “yes, just doing what I can to help. Quite a beautiful estate you have” he spoke warmly trying to defuse the tense air. You stood there quite awkward as your mother interrogated Arthur, but you kept yourself busy as you pulled out a plate for him and yourself and began to prep the pie, “…mom do you want any..?” You spoke quietly looking at your mother who was finally starting to loosen to the cowboy “not right now dear, I’m going to sort the vegetables, I’ll have some after dinner” she said as she left to go drag in a box of recent vegetables grown.

You made Arthur a plate and he sat down at the table taking in the atmosphere of your home, you felt nervous as you put his plate on table before making your own and sitting down. You watched him take a a few bites and a very pleased look spread across his face, “well I haven’t had many, but this is probably one of the best apple pies I’ve had” he said smiling at you clearly making himself comfortable in your home. Your face flushed red and you smiled at him “thank you…I try my best” your voice shy as you ate your own serving. Your mother came back into the house and started sorting and washing the vegetables Yall would keep in the sink; you continued to talk to Arthur, shyly asking about his life, you noticed his answers were rather vague but you didn’t want to push him. From what you could gather he really was just some Cowboy, taking odd jobs and exploring this part of America looking for the next big thing.

After talking causally to him for a while you began to lighten up a bit relaxing some, your mother walked back out of the house and once she was away you were shocked to see Arthur lean over the table a bit staring at you. “You’re quite a sight Miss y/n, always nice to see pretty young ladies like you, especially if they’re making me pies” he chuckled lightheartedly giving you a nice smirk. If you weren’t mistaken you believed you just felt your whole body pulse, suddenly you felt very hot and you could barely make eye contact with the man your whole face covered in blush. “Thank you…” you spoke out quietly voice a squeak as you felt a tingle in your legs. You heard him chuckle at your embarrassed demeanor his face lit up with a dangerous charm. After a few moments your mother came back into the house and shortly after Arthur left thanking you for the hospitality.

>

Later that night you had gotten ready for bed, cleaned yourself off and put on your nightgown. You laid down and warmed up underneath the covers, closing your eyes and getting comfortable, but immediately thoughts about Arthur clouded your brain, the words he spoke to you making you feel hot and sensitive. Images of his face…his hands…, Jesus his hands, his long thick callused fingers, you couldn’t stop thinking about them. And then something even worse came to mind, books your mother would have burned if she caught you reading them flashed in your head, stories of damsels and their knights in shining armor, but it was more than that… You kept thinking about those certain chapters…were the knight would slowly undress the damsel, kiss from the top of their head down to their stomach…going further and further till they reach their cunt, kissing them along their other lips….fondling their chest.

You couldn’t take it anymore, your whole body felt on fire as you kept thinking about such sinful things, so to ease the tension in your body you slowly started fondling yourself, gently pinching your nipples letting out soft quiet moans and mewls, your breast felt soft in your hands and the feeling of your nipples hardening from the touches made you feel wetter. After a bit of teasing your now perky nipples you traced you hands slowly down to your own cunt, slowly rubbing your now very wet slit, trying to keep your moans low as you rubbed your wet clit, your pussy hot and sensitive. You slowly plunged your fingers into your sopping hole pushing them in and out till your legs started to shake and your back started to arch, the wet squelching sounds of your tight pussy echoing across the walls.

One hand using fingers to fuck yourself, the other hand using your fingers to rub your very needy and inflamed clit, you couldn’t help the quiet moans and whines coming out of your mouth, as your fingers kept moving inside you trying to touch those spots that made you cry out. You kept this up for a while, getting more and more worked up, but no matter how much you bucked your hips, no matter how much you rubbed yourself you just couldn’t cum, you would get so close to the edge just for it to slowly dissipate. Eventually your arms started to feel tired and so did you, so with some aggravated whines you tuned over and went to sleep, pussy still wet and needy.

[doctorofmagic]

TW: racism, antiziganism, whitewashing, uses of g slur, fatphobia, misgendering, ageism, toxic fandom, long post.

This post is a bit off topic but, as someone who has been following Marvel’s comic book industry for almost ten years now, I feel like it’s my duty to use my voice and not be quiet about the blatant shit show that is happening to a character that is also a member of the magic community and has been suffering a lot lately in the hands of people who have little to no regard towards her heritage.

It was just a rumor back then (and Donny Cates even denied it in the past) but it does seem that Feige is using the MCU to influence comic books in most recent runs, ESPECIALLY regarding certain characters.

Now, let’s be honest. This is not new. We all remember when the cast of the Fantastic Four reboot died in a explosion in the pages of Punisher #12, eight years ago. A clear retaliation at the movie and FOX’s terrible decisions. We all know that this is probably the reason why the first family book was cancelled as well. The group remained in the shadows and only Reed had a decent spotlight thanks to New Avengers v3 and Secret Wars, disappearing next along with Sue, the kids and the Future Foundation. They only returned fully with a new volume in 2018, and most fans’ dreams and hopes slowly died out with Dan Slott’s bad takes and writing (erasing Franklin’s X gene, putting three women to fight over a man, reversing Infamous Doom to his villain self and throwing away his character development just because he wanted Victor as a villain etc etc etc).

Very well. Still, the FF survived. No one reversed Galactus into a cosmic cloud. No one turned Victor into a metallic guy with electric powers who wanted to marry Sue (thank the Vishanti). And whatever happened in the reboot (which I didn’t watch) certainly wasn’t adapted into comics.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to gatekeep comic books. In fact, I’ve been committed to introducing them to my followers since day 1 on this hellsite. Unlike many fans, I didn’t grow up with them. Movies had a huge influence on me and I had a long journey. Movies and animated TV shows are part of the reason I dove into this universe, in the first place. Which is fine. I can take a bad adaption and move on.

What I can’t take is what they’re trying to do with Wanda, because it reeks of racism.

The whole point of this new Wanda volume is to give her the proper representation and atone for the years of colorism, a systematic problem that keeps happening in the industry. Just because she was portrayed as white in the past, it doesn’t mean she’s not a woc, especially when it’s said in canon that she has dark skin. There are plenty of roma people talking on this matter and how it’s meaningful to acknowledge that Wanda is brown, even when white roma people exist (1, 2, 3, 4).

The crew is in fact very committed to it, as stated by Steve Orlando here:

Now, what is happening to the new Scarlet Witch volume? Two things. The blatant whitewashing in variant covers and their need to push the MCU into 616!Wanda, first by introducing Darcy and now deaging Agatha.

Let’s be clear. There was a MASSIVE effort from the team to portray Wanda's heritage, which has been constantly dismissed by the lack of effort from the artists.

Here’s one example, from Jeehyung Lee, tracing what I think is a k-pop singer (but I don't really remember her name so correct me if I’m wrong). In any case, she was traced over a korean woman. This is not the first problem with this artist since he also made the same with Storm’s model in MFF by tracing Charlize Theron over Ororo.

In addition to anti-blackness, this is also an issue of interchangeable ethnicity, the same that happened to America Chavez, when she’s established as Puerto Rican, not Mexican, as the pin on her jacket suggests (and yes, her cast is also filled with anti-blackness. Nothing against Xochitl, but I touched this matter before when I wrote about DSIMOM. And yes, TAO’s MCU is also bad, very bad, very very very bad).

I just keep seeing this over and over again. You shouldn't be defending her whiteness. You *SHOULDN'T*. Unless you have a problem that Wanda is a brown romani woman. It’s imperative that people understand that representation matters and poc have been time and time whitewashed in this very same industry (Sunspot/Roberto da Costa is just one example and was also whitewashed in that terrible New Mutants adaptation).

The issue here is to push a problematic and harmful portrayal of Wanda on her comic book version. And it’s only happening to her due to the popularity of said character and artist.

More thant that, her stans ARE using Olsen’s Wanda to shield racism. Some of you are actually not even hiding it. The following is a list of racist comments and accounts. I’ll leave them under the cut in case people don’t want to see it.

Regarding the WV variant cover for Wanda #3 by David Nakamura:

And plain racism overall:

On a side note...

Just today I was harassed by this troll here. And no, I’m not hiding your @ because you went to MY post and felt compelled to misgender me, be fatphobic and also god knows why felt entitled to call Wanda ableist (????)

As I said, I didn’t grow up with comics. When I first met Wanda, I didn’t know she was neither Roma, Jewish or brown. And this itself is a problem because it should be clear, it should have been portrayed in the comics, it should have been common knowledge. All it takes is just to listen to people and understand the systematic racism and whitewashing in the comic book and cinema industries.

They ALWAYS double down on Wanda’s whiteness. No, darling, it’s not okay to stan two versions of the same character when time and time the marginalized one is a target of racism. When they weaponize every single attempt at calling out the harm that MCU has caused on her character to the point of even using reverse racism, ableism and many other blatant lies to slander 616!Wanda, when her MCU can do pretty much whatever she wishes because she’s white so that’s okay. And don’t even dare bring feminism here because you don’t care about woc. You only care about white women.

In any case, I just want to shed light on this matter because this effort of pushing MCU into comics isn’t happening to any other Marvel character, ESPECIALLY when the change is for the better. Wong is powerful, body-positive and having more than one-dimensional relationship in the MCU. Where’s the effort to do that in comics? Layla is literally the best part of Moon Knight. Where is she?

Why they want so bad to push a white woman on a book that is supposed to praise Wanda’s romani heritage? It’s obvious that they want to sell and some execs are siding with the portion of this toxic and racist fandom.

Comics are not perfect, we know that. But there has been a huge effort to support the marginalized voices in this industry. Marvel’s Voices, pride and heritage are all examples. Besides, they’ve always been political. Always.

What they’re doing to Wanda is evil and lazy. As an artist and colorist, it’s YOUR DUTY to search and at least be aware of what characters you’re trying to conceive. There’s no way variant artists didn’t see the main cover for issue #1 by Dauterman.

This is not just ignorance. It’s a statement. A statement that it’s okay to ignore a marginalized group and its attempt to give visibility to said group. And Orlando knew that when he said he didn’t have control over the rest of the creative team.

It’s fine if the MCU wants to push some elements like they did in the past. But this is not just any element. It’s harmful and I’ll not be quiet about it. 616!Wanda is getting more and more marginalized, whereas her whitewashed version is praised and loved. And now there’s an attempt at reconciling both as if it was okay. It’s not. MCU!Wanda doesn’t know racism. MCU!Wanda joined Hydra. MCU!Wanda has the privilege 616!Wanda could never afford for being a brown roma woman. And now the racist fandom wants to claim both in order to erase 616!Wanda’s heritage and history of fighting racism.

All I can ask is, if you’re buying this comic book, DO NOT SUPPORT the variant covers. Let them rot. We know the racists are not supporting the book anyways. They’ll just buy the variant cover and that’s it.

PS: I’m not Roma so feel free to correct me in any aspect. Just using my voice to boost awareness.

PS²: Olsen stans DNI or else will be blocked at sight. I’m done with every single of you.

[fabuloustrash05]

What is your honest opinion on the TMNT 2012 girls? In my opinion I don't understand a lot of the hate they get and they weren't even horrible or that badly writen. Yeah there were flaws in their writing but so did the other male characters have it as well.

I love all the girls! Some more than others. They all have their good qualities and I will admit even my favorites have flaws, but I blame the writer's more than the characters themselves.

This took awhile to put together and get my honest thoughts through, but here it is! Here’s my opinion of the TMNT 2012 Girls: April, Karai, Irma, Renet, Mona Lisa, Shinigami and Alopex!

April O'Neil

My opinion of April has changed throughout the years. As a kid first watching the series I felt indifferent towards her (I didn’t hate her but I also didn’t like her), then when the series was over I grew salty and began to hate her on rewatch. I became a toxic person because of my hatred for 2012 April, but lately I’ve grown to like her and appreciate her for the good things she’s done. I’m proud of her for how far she’s come in her ninja training. I think most of that change came from how ridiculously hated she is in the fandom when honestly she doesn’t deserve that hate. She's not the best or the perfect character, but some people make it their religion to hate on her and it's pathetic. I realized how toxic 2012 April haters are and I wanted to distance myself from that and I began to chat with 2012 April fans and things got better for me and my opinion of her change to something more positive.

My biggest problem with April still to this day is her relationship with Donnie and how it was handled. I disagree when people say she was manipulative towards Donnie and Casey cause honestly I can understand that she feels uncomfortable and awkward in this situation these boys put her in and is conflicted on how she should handle it, because in the end she is only a 16 year old girl and both Donnie and Casey are still her friends that she cares about. Now her kissing Donnie at the farmhouse, I was mad at her for, but that was a dumb decision on the writer's end. That choice made it come off that April is leading him on, but honestly Donnie is not perfect either and he is just as bad when is comes to this relationship, but this post isn't about Apritello, it’s about April. If you wanna know how I would've handle Donnie and April's romance, you can check it out HERE.

I fully blame the writer's on this one, but I feel April's plot with her family's connection to the Kraang, her mom missing, and her being a half Kraang herself was totally wasted and forgotten by the 3rd season. They were doing good build up to it but then I feel they completely dropped it and forgot about it by season 4 and onward. My guess is the writer's didn't know where to go on from there so they just ignored it for the rest of the series hoping we wouldn't notice. Her have psychic powers is cool but feels totally random and out of place at times. Yeah, Kraang Prime has psychic powers too but most of April's Kraang heritage plot often leaves more questions than answers. Another thing is I wish she was given more Kraang features as the series progressed. I see a lot of fans today draw her with Kraang like eyes or tentacles coming out of her head and neck and it looks really cool! Let my girl embrace her alien side!!

Karai

She used to be my all time favorite character in the series, her intro episode is what got me into fully watching the rest of the series. So I thank Karai for being the reason I really got into TMNT. I loved her, but after rewatching the show a few times, I would see her choices and just wonder “what the hell was she thinking?” She does so many dumb decisions as the series goes on and it begins frustrate me. She had two opportunities to go back to her real father and be a family with him and her turtle brothers, but instead she is blinded by her vendetta against Shredder and wants to overthrow his empire. Now that is a cool concept, Karai taking over the Foot, but when she returned in season 4 it just feels out of no where and I feel I skip a whole arc or season. I wish they gave her more time to grow and we see her come to this decision instead of it just happening. Side note, but I love how even before the reveal, Karai acts like a teasing older sister towards the Turtles. Her dynamic with Donnie, Raph and Mikey is rare to see but you can see that they care about her and she cares about them too and I love it.

Her snake form was very cool and had a creative design, though that whole arc of trying to find her and then her being brainwashed was pointless filler, such a waste of time. How she out of no where mastered her turning from human to snake at will was so random. The whole brainwashed Karai arc in general didn't need to happened!

I feel I'm obligated to talk about it, but Karai's biggest flaw, as well as it being TMNT 2012's worst quality, was her relationship with Leo. What were they thinking with that shit?! If they wanted Leo to have a crush on the enemy that's fine! That can be good drama, but why then throw in the twist that his crush is also his sister and continue to push a romance between them in the same episode when they are acknowledged as being family?!! Such wasted potential for them to just be enemies who respect one another that grows into a friendly rivalry that becomes two siblings looking out for one another, but still like to get on each other's nerves. Beside that mess, her and Leo do have a fun and good dynamic, when it isn't being ruined with forced uncomfortable romance. I also wanna add I like her dynamic with April and parallels between the two girls. Overall, I like Karai, but she could've been better.

Irma/Rook

I'm adding "Irma" to the list cause she counted as a character for a short while before the twist and she did technically come back in season 4. I liked Irma, she was funny, quirky, and her dynamic with April and Casey was fun to watch. I liked her banter with Casey, it always made me laugh. I'm honestly still disappointed that it was revealed Irma was not even Irma but was just a robot controlled by Kraang Sub Prime. All that hope to see Irma befriend the Turtles was destroy for me.

I am glad they were able to find a way to bring back Irma in the form of the Utrom Rook in season 4. She had little screen time but she always stuck out to me for some reason. Also, wasted potential of not having April meet Rook and for her to have a heart to heart with her about the friend lost because Rook looks like her old best friend.

I actually did a whole rewrite of how I would've handle the Irma is robot twist and still keep her as a character: LINK.

Renet Tilley

I love her so much! She's funny, entertaining and a total sweetheart. I love how she's a very bubbly and overall kind person but isn't afraid to punch someone right in the face. I like how she's perceived as dumb and naïve but is actually very smart and is usually the one saving the Turtle's from certain doom. I also love the little detail of her having a gap in her teeth. Really brings out the childish nature to her character. My favorite part about Renet is how much of a fangirl she is, literally representing the entire TMNT fandom. From first meeting them Renet has so much faith and trust in the Turtles because of what she's read about them in her history books. They are her heroes, she believes in them and knows in the end they'll save the day. The very concept of the Turtles befriend a time traveler from the future was another thing that was underused and could've open the door to so many cool new stories and adventures, but like many characters, she was underused and only came back when need, like for a Halloween special of all things. I'm really surprised Mikey or any of the Turtles didn’t mentioned her after the Earth was destroyed by the Black Hole Generation, remembering what she told them about how they've saved the world so many times.

I know some people find controversy with her romantic relationship with Mikey nowadays because of them both being from different time periods, but I still find their dynamic very sweet and entertaining to watch. As best friends or as romantic partners, you got to admit that they are fun to see together. She understands Mikey and never judges him for his weird antics/ideas and Mikey finds her quirkiness adoring and always makes sure she is safe.

A little nitpick I have is with her character design, mainly when we see her without her helmet. Her hair model design doesn't look good, like it looks like she's wearing a wig that they just slapped on her at the last minute. Which sucks cause in her concept sketches her hair looks very good, with having a more proper hair line, but since the braid crown is playing as her hairline in the 3D model it doesn't look good.

Also, technically Renet is the most powerful ally the Turtles have because of her weapon alone. Why does no one talk about that?? The Turtles are lucky that Renet is on their side.

Mona Lisa/Y'gythgba

SHE IS MY QUEEN AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH!! <3

Next to April, Mona Lisa also gets a lot of unnecessary hate, but I know why she gets hate. It those toxic whiney Raphael fangirls who can't accept the fact that he's fictional and is happy with an actual girlfriend so now they can't have him or ship him with their self insert Mary Sue OCs. A true Raphael fangirl, like myself, would be happy for Raph that he found someone who loves and respects him for who he is.

It's already obvious that Mona was another underused character in this series. I absolutely LOVE the space arc in season 4, but the concept of the Salamandrians, though cool, were very underused despite the Turtles fighting a Salamandiran before (Newtrailzer). If you ask me, Mona and Sal should've been more present during the space arc and they should've been there helping the Turtles when they were fighting the Triceratons on Earth at the end of the arc. This choice could've given the writer's the opening for Mona to start living on Earth sooner and join the Mighty Mutanimals during mid season 4 instead of saying she joined the Mutanimals in season 5 but never see her with them! (I'm still so mad that they got our hopes up that we'd see Mona interact/become friends with the Mutanimals only to find out that we will never see her again after When Worlds Collide) I have actually wrote a whole post on how I would've included Mona in more episodes, give her more time in the spotlight and her joining the Mutanimals sooner: LINK.

Mona being a lieutenant for the Salamandiran army already says a lot about who she is and what she has been through. You cannot tell me that this woman as killed people and has war trauma! Mona is an interesting character and her personality clashes well with Raph's, even before they became a couple, them butting heads shows what kind of person Mona is. She can be short tempered and stubborn like him and would often jump to conclusions, a fight first ask question later kind of gal. She loves to fight and is a very strong and skilled warrior. She is loyal to those she looks up to and respects like her commander and is a rule follower, but sometimes she loses control of herself and steps out of line, to which her commander has to hold her back. She cares deeply about the ones she's close to and especially shows how much she loves and cares for Raph. Most fans result her to just being a love interest, but she's still her own character and grows as a person from being with Raph. Honestly the push up scene was one of her highlights, not only for being hilarious and showing how in love she is with Raph, but also showing that she's more than a strict serious lieutenant. That scene reminds us that she's still a teenager and is acting her age, even she can't help but break her serious military persona once in a while.

I absolutely adore her and I'm so happy more fans today are growing to love her as much as I do! She's such a great character and its ashamed that we didn't get to see more of her in the show, but I'm happy with what I got.

Shinigami

My only criticism I have of her is that she is underused (I know I say that a lot) and I really dislike that she was forced shipped with Mikey. It was the most pointless decision they did for her character. You can just tell the writer's didn't know what to do with her so the made her a love interest as well thinking that would make her more interesting. That was a dumb decision. Her and Mikey are not a good match for many reasons I won't get into, but here's what they should've done:

Not ship her with anyone cause we already had enough love interests by the time she entered the show.

Ship her with Leo instead of making him crush on his freaking sister. They already wanted him to have a crush on a female ninja from the Foot Clan who's a bad girl, why couldn't they hold it off until he met Shini instead of Karai?

Ship her with Casey as a way to give Casey a happy ending after that whole love triangle drama.

Ship her with Karai cause they were obviously already dating in the show! Shinirai forever!!

Regardless of that poor decision, I love Shini, her design is very gorgeous and creative, and her concept of being a witch brings something new to the series with magic and illusions. I feel there has been wasted potential with her not being involved during the Kavaxas arc, cause come on, she's a witch who specializes in dark magic. Why didn't they have her be attached to the Kavaxas cult in some way? Or have her know about Kavaxas and help the team stop him? Honestly I was convinced at one point that Shini was going to be a surprise villain and she was secretly loyal to Shredder not Karai and betray her during the finale. I made a whole post about it actually LINK.

Overall, I love Shinigami! Next to Mona Lisa she is one of my favorite female characters. I love seeing her teasing April and the others, especially towards her enemies, treating a battle like its nothing more than a game to her. Her loyalty and romance friendship with Karai I adore. She is such a fun character and underrated too if you ask me.

Alopex

She stole the show and she was only in one episode! Once again, another underused female character. Alopex is technically (not counting April) the first female mutant on the show (not counting Karai cause she's able to turn back), and we only get one episode with her. That should be consider a crime, but the episode she was in, she made a damn good impression. We learn of her and Tiger Claw's tragic backstory and you grow to understand why she is so hatful towards her brother for the life he put her through and him supposedly killing their parents. She establishes herself as a badass and continues to prove she is a badass throughout the episode. The way she cut off her brother's tail and later is arm without a second thought and then leaves shows shows how ruthless she is, but her sparring him also shows her compassion and her hope that one day her and Tiger Claw can be a family again.

Her line "Just remember, I could have taken your life" sent chills down my spine when I first heard it.

My biggest complaint is WHY didn't they bring Alopex back during the Kavaxas arc in season 5?! How cool would it have been if the Turtles recruited and teamed up with Alopex to take down her brother!

[moonlightdancer26]

im not a massive prongstail shipper (prongsfoot <3) but i've had this headcanon for fucking ever and it just isnt appreciated enough in marauders circles childhood bestfriends with supposedly unrequited crushes its a v popular marauders headcanon that james and peter knew each other before hogwarts, having both come from established magical familes so i just get brainrot about bb james and pete running around and doing all those childhood bestie things like getting married in their gardens and making wedding rings out of paper etc etc and just,,, neither of them realised they were each others first crush? as they grew up they realised "oh,,, oh i like liked him, didn't i. you dont usually marry people you feel completely platonically about." they are both emotionally constipated teenage boys who spend ages stewing in angst going "i loved him, but he'd never love me back D:" even though if they had a single conversation talking about their hisss feelings the problem would easily solve itself. but they dont, and years in the future, everything goes to shit. and peter doesn't realise that james still kept that tiny paper wedding ring

YES YES YES, I always loved the idea of Peter having an unrequited crush on James but I was always kinda hesitant to fully explore the ship, and today I just went fuck it and decided to announce it on tumblr.

I totally believe Peter and James are both the most oblivious mfs to ever exist, so the idea of them both having crushes on each other and assuming the other person didn’t reciprocate their feelings so they kept it to themselves sounds so accurate.

I’ve heard a bit about that headcanon before and tbh it sounds like a pretty interesting one, I’d like it if it was more explored in fics.

doing all those childhood bestie things like getting married in their gardens and making wedding rings out of paper etc etc

lmaoo I used to always do this with my irl bestie (we’re still inseparable to this day) 😭 we were (are) also major Swifties so when Taylor released Paper Rings 4 years ago we were like OMG REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO- *goes down memory lane.* Imagining baby!Peter and baby!James making them and having pretend-weddings in their gardens legit sounds like the purest thing ever 😭<333

and when they’re at Hogwarts and well into their teen years they both start thinking “yo wait……. maybe I actually liked him” but never say anything about it due to the fear of being rejected or realising the other person forgot about the weddings and paper rings. And when James got with Lily, that was when Peter accepted that he was genuinely in love with James and couldn’t handle the pain of seeing him with someone else, let alone “Evans.” He then started resenting the Potters and kept thinking to myself “what did I do wrong? why didn’t I tell Prongs when I had the chance?” And part of the reason why James agreed to switch to Peter as the Secretkeeper was because he remembered what it was like when they were kids and trusted him fully because of it. Then when the opportunity to betray the Potters to Voldemort came, Peter took it.

and peter doesn't realise that james still kept that tiny paper wedding ring

Y E S. and at one point James gave it to baby!Harry bc his fingers were almost the same size (either baby!Harry had chubby fingers or James and Peter had skinny fingers, we’ll never know), Lily noticed it and asked what it was. James told her it was “just something he put together,” Lily didn’t buy it because the paper weddimg ring looked a little worn out but decided not to say anything.

excuse me while I go sob into a pillow.

[palfriendpatine66]

20 Question Fic Writer Tag

1.) How many works do you have on ao3?

19, soon to be 20! ( three are just little prompt fills/drabbles that I’ve considered removing but also – I want to be able to find them again just in case they ever turn into something more so.)

2.) What's your ao3 word count? 

306, 375

3.) What fandoms do you write for? 

Star Wars. That’s it, and probably all it will ever be (except for my crazy crossover aus). It’s a full time job over here.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

DX:Lovesick (I had a really weird moment when this passed PIP in the kudos count. Like, I love it and was really proud of it, but also: how dare it). Anakin is an accident prone college student who winds up in the care of one very hot Dr. Obi-Wan Kenobi

Pining in Preschool: My first ever fic (started exactly one year ago!) Anakin is trying his best to be a good dad to his twins, and that probably means he shouldn’t be falling for their preschool teacher.

Hide Here Often: This is bottom Obi-Wan smutty one shot

Helicopter Dad: This is a continuation of Pining in Preschool: 4 times that Anakin was a Helicopter parent and one time Obi-Wan beat him to it. I’ve been intending to do a part two with Obi-Wan ever since, but it hasn’t happened yet.

With a Cherry on Top: This is a ridiculous continuation of Pining in Preschool – Obi-Wan and Anakin get in a fight about eating in bed that results in a sex ban until one of them backs down. Spoiler alert: it ends with a sexy food in bed scenario because *of course* if they break they have to prove a point about it

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to always yes. I used to have a 100% track record, and I really wish I was maintaining it. Comments are my lifeblood. I literally cannot tell you how important receiving comments is to me, it’s like, a problem honestly, and so it’s definitely something I want to encourage. I try to always respond to a comment at least as an acknowledgement of “I appreciate you were here and took the time to let me know you liked this”. BUT also I genuinely love engaging about my fics and am more than happy to go on my “Author’s Commentary” spiel at any given moment.

Life’s kind of been shit lately, and I’ve had a hard time if I don’t respond to comments right away as they come in they get lost in my inbox. Also. ADHD.

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

OoOoOo Window AU – to be revealed tomorrow. I don’t have the ending for Criminal Minds fully written, but even though it might be a “happy ending” it’s not going to be a happy ending, if you know what I mean. OH BUT if I ever write my post order 66 Obi-Wan on Tatooine vague idea for which the working title is “Obi-Wan Sads”. Yeah. That will probably be the worst.

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm. Pining for Preschool probably. It ends on a very high note, although also it’s not really an ending because I continued it into a potentially never ending series that seems to be 90% fluff after the angst I put them through in the original fic.

Also Center Stage (dance au)was a happy ending for sure.

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

No, generally all my comments are very positive. There was a weird moment in DX:Lovesick where I wasn’t necessarily getting the hate but Obi-Wan was, and he was getting a lot of it. I wasn’t upset by the comments so much as I was worried that I didn’t write well/clear enough to convey the situation as I thought I was, but I settled on people are going to read their own situations into stories and interpret it differently than intended and that’s okay.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes. The Obi-Wan and Anakin kind.

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I had a fit of insanity and wrote an Obikin Titanic au.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not. That would be sad

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so no

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nope! I think I have too much anxiety to commit to doing this, even with the right people. Put expectations on things and I just…can’t.

14.) What's your all time favorite ship?

IDK man. Kovu and Kiara from Lion King II: Simba’s Pride

15.) What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Right at the time I started writing PiP I started a time travel (?) au that resulted in amnesiac Knight Skywalker as master to padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi right when he rejoins the order after returning from Melida/Daan, instead of rejoining Qui-Gon. I would be shocked if I ever get back to thin, I really jumped the gun and there’s so much of it I don’t have in me, but…there’s still something about it that calls to me.

16.) What are your writing strengths?

I always feel super awkward answering this, but I feel pretty good about capturing Obi-Wan and Anakin’s voices, especially their internal voices (if that makes sense) so that they still feel like them in other universes

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh gosh. I am learning as I go. Outlining/having a plan and sticking to it vs. just winging it as I go along. Knowing where paragraphs should start and end – which feels like you should just *know* but I don’t. Descriptions.

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Great! But I’m not fluent enough in anything to do it

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars – Hiiiii!

Also, though, the only other stuff I wrote was Star Wars but the year was 2005 and it was for an audience of one (me!). Your Pal was a nerd who carried around a little notebook and wrote down every piece of jedi wisdom and quotes I encountered while I wrote about Obi-Wan and his OC apprentice who was *definitely*not*me* (their name was literally an anagram of my name lol) on their long term undercover mission on Earth, among other things.

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

This varies by the mood. I genuinely love Pining in Preschool, and it will always have a really special place in my heart. Dx:Lovesick was a very fun ride, I really and truly enjoyed writing it  and I feel like it holds up. Right now I’m pretty attached to Criminal Minds, for a completely different dynamic and take on obikin.

No pressure tag to @renlyslittlerose and @grapenehifics

[foreigndistance]

I love S.E.M an insane amount. (a reflection)

“If it weren’t for S.E.M, would I even be here right now?”

Okay, correction: “If I didn’t meet S.E.M again through a random Google search a few years ago, would I even be here right now?”

Let’s turn back the clock for a moment. I got into 2D fictional idols through Love Live! back in mid-2017 with me first watching the School Idol Project anime on a whim. Timeskip to months later in October and I went through Sunshine!! Season 2 when it was airing, and I remembered vaguely hearing things about THE IDOLM@STER back then. I had a loose idea about SideM’s existence through clips from the anime (which was airing on that same season) along with IDOLiSH7 and Tsukipro – both fellow male idol series that I also encountered. Neither did I pay closer attention to these nor was I into male idols though.

Here’s this bit from a previous lovemail from a few years ago: I wasn’t fully open about my interests towards others. I feared that nobody would understand what I enjoy, especially if it isn't as well-known as what a typical person would know. Before becoming an idol fan, I was more into magical girl anime, tokusatsu, and Western animation in general – all of which are niche interests in their own right.

Skip to 2019. By that point, I was already into IM@S by that point, albeit focusing more on 765Pro and Million Live’s activities via Theater Days. In January, I started Shiny Colors and LIVE ON ST@GE! for the first time, and both had uh – let’s just say, “unique” ways of handling non-rhythm game-like mechanics. (I haven't touched the older console games yet.) I was more of a casual fan of the two branches (compared to 765) and I was more focused on my high school life, which hadn’t started crumbling down just yet. I didn’t stay with the two games as much as Mirishita.

My first starter idol in MStage was Ryo, mainly because of his connection with the console games. Touma and Ryo’s connections to 765Pro immediately made them my initial favorite idols in SideM, but three men clad in pink and silver spandex caught my attention: S.E.M. The unit’s concept of a trio of ex-teachers becoming idols to motivate and inspire students to study and follow their dreams struck me. I regretted not starting off with any of the members, so I left my original MStage account, opting to return with a S.E.M starter idol when I gave it a second chance.

I chose Rui as my new starter idol in April 2019, but I didn’t really have a no. 1 favorite idol by then. I read a few of whatever was translated and listened to some of the songs; but I was more focused on Mirishita and acted more casually towards the other branches.

But on a more personal note, I was starting to go through some… mixed feelings in my personal life.

My boyfriend and I broke up after 11 months, had to give up taking part in a club I’ve been involved in for the past 2 years by then, and constantly got annoyed at some teachers’ way of doing things which affected my enjoyment of the subjects I studied for… And on top of that, it was starting to feel more lonely as I saw friend groups I knew split apart for a moment and I would feel unwanted at times when my close friends aren’t around.

It was getting lonely. Being with the school newspaper team felt most like home when our meetings happened, but it wasn’t enough.

(Don’t worry, I’m okay now and my friends – including my ex – are currently on good terms.)

December 4, 2019. The router at home was having internet problems and I couldn’t properly play the Mirishita event at the time, “Hitomi no Naka no Sirius”. I was at home since we didn’t have to go to school because of a holiday. I don’t fully remember what led to me messing around on my two phones – but for some reason, I typed “S.E.M” onto Google search on a whim and found their work again. It was clear that I was bored by that point, so I started reading their magazines and event stories again to pass the time.

Seeing S.E.M and the relationship within the trio… reminded me of home. What appealed to me about them wasn’t just their “silly” reason for becoming idols in the first place or their entire concept (which is already something you don’t see in other mixed media idol/music franchises often), it was the relationship between three grown men (who were colleagues from the same workplace they left) getting into the entertainment industry just to inspire and motivate others to follow their dreams and, of course, study. School had a strong importance for most of my life where I could show my true self without feeling restricted by my family’s presence. Seeing them… made me smile.

I started rambling about them – especially Jiro, who initially became my favorite among the trio back then – to my best friend. The brainrot slowly took over. I was already sure that all three of them were here to stay this time. The brainrot made me reinstall MStage and return to my account, and I started playing the original Mobage with my beginner-level Japanese knowledge.

As I started talking more about that trio of ex-teachers with her, I realized how insecure I really was about my interests; too shy to talk to random strangers online as well. At that time, it felt like that had to change. I created my present-day Twitter account in early 2020. That was originally dedicated to my interests (and eventually became my main account) and I started talking in English-speaking IM@S servers more often. I’ve made friends with people from around the world and from my own home country. I even started posting some of my own art on there and would try to start posting on other social media platforms over the years. It was nerve-wracking, but perhaps it made me feel a little less lonely compared to before, looking back.

When I left another fandom (which was related to IRL idols) in early 2020, I made a pledge to myself that no matter how bad the branch’s situation gets, I would stay with the boys until the end. Of all the media I have ever touched, none would come close as to what THE IDOLM@STER SideM would ever bring me into on a very personal level. Its message and theme of starting over again at any age resonated with me, and it hits hard especially as I grew older. I’ve met many Producers of varying branches over the last 3-4 years, have taken part in several fan community projects – including running entire Twitter accounts and fan wikis and Discord servers – and helped me learn some skills along the way.

As for my tantous in IM@S itself? Michio Hazama (and by extension, S.E.M as whole) would overtake everyone, of course.  Entering 2020, I had to rank the New Year’s Michio event in LIVE ON ST@GE! right after I just returned to it, then my first S.E.M-focused event since I started the Mobage was a Michio rank. The first artwork I posted on Twitter publicly was his New Year event SR for his birthday.

Of all the tantous I’ve met, none could reach the same personal level of love, care, and interest I have for them as much as him. (Even if a certain Cinderella Girl came to challenge that notion.) I remembered one of my types being a quiet, serious guy with glasses. His silent passion and strict (yet caring) demeanor towards his pupils, the way he wants to see them succeed from an educator’s point of view, and his moments with the cast – especially with his unitmates and Producer – brought me immense warmth.

I knew he would become my favorite idol within the branch as time went on, but he eventually won me over the most within the entire franchise. A serious man in glasses is an archetype you would often see, but seeing a teacher figure want the best for his students and his unit, as well as being passionate about his work and not being overly loud about it drives me insane.

——————————————————————————————

Fast forward to 2022. When GROWING STARS had its 1st anniversary campaign, the vibes I got from the online surroundings at the time didn’t settle well with me. Honestly, I was very disappointed with the execution of the anniversary campaign itself, although I tried to keep myself in tact. There was a lingering feeling that what is now a core aspect of myself about to break down once again, especially seeing how some Producers I met through SideM had (understandably) either left or took a break for better, greener pastures. I found myself turning towards a certain pair of adult ladies from another production to help me go through my short break from SideM at the time, but still kept in touch with IM@S by that point. As I thought about the other idols (who are over 20 y/o) I would eventually produce – especially when it comes to that pair of ladies – I thought to myself that what if SideM helped rewire my taste.

And now, with the advent of the last remaining SideM game’s impending, terribly received, and horribly executed shutdown and with Bandai Namco having revealed its future plans through a roadmap... I’m lost and unsure where to go. It’s like I KNOW where to go, but don’t know how to go further despite the circumstances. I even gave a large “sigh” towards the announcement before I’d write the GROWING STARS shutdown notice itself onto the SideM ENG Twitter.

It took me a few days to write up my full response towards the shutdown announcement up to the point where I was writing it in the middle of my trip days after the stream. Before that, I had left several disappointed tweets which eventually became hit tweet after hit tweet.

I’ve been into IM@S as a Producer for 5 years by this point. I didn’t want to celebrate it like this.

Despite everything though, I told myself that I wouldn’t leave. I did say that I would still keep in touch with IM@S, and I can’t deny the impact that it has left towards me and how I saw my IM@S tantou roster (which has grown since I became S.E.M’s Producer.) I’ve had moments where I questioned my worth as a P over the past few years. I've seen others’ achievements when I’m still trying to get my foot into learning Japanese up to this day. I've seen other Producers, same tantou or otherwise, rank high in the games when points ranking was still a thing while I’ve never been able to get past the Top 1000 event points ranking for a S.E.M/Michio-focused event. And I may probably never will.

However...

If it weren’t for the people I’ve met, the characters I’ve met, and the Producers I’ve met and would encounter... I often have my lonely days and would feel gloomy over things for no particular reason (and I still do), but I wouldn’t trade my own experiences with different friend groups I’ve made for the world.

I want to reach as high as I can to beat my past Top 100 success in Mirishita, even if it’s through my actions in a game I’ve yet to reach that same level. For as long as I’m allowed to produce my tantou units through whatever games they have left.

I want to continue supporting the idols I’ve met, and the two units I’ll continue to produce. Taking care of a pair of drinking buddies who are over 20 and a trio of ex-teachers doesn’t sound too bad.

I love S.E.M an insane amount. I love Michio an even more insane amount.

Because I wouldn’t be here without them. And maybe I wouldn't have gotten that first push to do all of what I’ve done without them.

[falsesighted]

🔥

[[Oh yeah watch out cause these takes are HAWT

1:

Wyll isn’t boring, he’s just black.

But not in the way you’re thinking. I’ve had this opinion for a few years now but each time I say it, it never fully comes out in the way that I mean so just bare with me.

I haven’t played all of Wyll’s storyline, hell, I ain’t even finished the game yet but I think the “Wyll is boring” debate is apart of a larger problem. From the perspective of a black woman…Wyll is a token. Not in the typical way. He has personality, story and whatnot but like…It’s very obvious to me that he is the “single black man that only exists to hit the diversity quota so no one mentions the all white cast” which is what he is to me. It’s obvious in so many other games. Fallout 4’s Preston Garvey, is just off the top of my head. Wyll is the diversity pick but they still need to write him a story and whatnot, so fine, but no no no he can’t be anything bad because it’s a bad look to have the ONLY black companionship be a rogue or urchin AND ESPECIALLY NOT A BARBARIAN. So lets make him a warlock that fights for justice and good, fine! And he’s kind hearted and sweet and sort of cookie cutter so they cover alllll their bases. Which again, is what they did with Preston Garvey. Leader of the Minute Men that fight for good, justice, sugar spice n everything nice.

BECAUSE if they wrote then any other way there would be backlash BECAUSE none of these white writers actually know how to write a black person that is remotely evil or bad or complicated without turning them into a stereotype or being afraid that they’ll do that. BUT THATS JUST HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIS PERSONALITY.

ONTO THE STORY.

He’s the token so they intentionally put less effort into it.

Well, not INTENTIONALLY. I don’t genuinely believe Larian is just a studio full of old timey racists that put micro aggressions in their game to spite us black ppl but like, even if subconsciously, I feel like they definitely did not look at Wyll’s story the same way they looked at Karlach’s or Shadowheart’s AND DEFINITELY NOT ASTARION’S.

BUT AGAIN I DID NOT FINISH IT SO I COULD COMPLETELY BE TALKING OUT OF MY ASS WHICH I WILL ACCEPT but from the perspective of someone who’s watching all the drama of this unfold like…y’know, SOMETHING is wrong if this many people claim he’s “boring”. BUT ALSO, a percentage of those people ARE actually racist and just didn’t play his story at all so🤷🏾‍♀️

2:

Astarion as a whole and his storyline are so beloved because he is a man. I will not elaborate at this time.

3:

The customization in this game is actually atrocious. I mean I know WHY they did it the way that they did but preset faces instead of slider options and it works well! But like…yeah not satisfying at all. It feels more like I have to settle for a character that looks “good enough” rather than a character that actually looks good. God forbid I want them to actually look like me if I’m picking one of the human/elf races. Do not get me started on hair options.

Fun fact, I actually dislike Aljari hairstyle. Those braids are just one of the 5 black hairstyles we’ve been provided and the only hairstyle that was actually a good design and texture for him.

4:

Baldur’s Gate 3 and many games like it have bias toward white people because when people think D&D and fantasy they think white people and we should really and truly undo this thinking. White people are not the “default”. Everyone should play these games without realizing their identity is clearly an afterthought.

[crisalidaseason]

Who is the monster, who is the human?

Chapter 5 - In your absence (check index for more) (check chapter 4 - Metamorfose)

Chapter summary: A year of knowing Armin and the crumbling of your walls. His temporary absence brings the feelings to the surface. Content warning: anxiety, chronic illness mentions, mentions of head injury, a little fluffly and domestic.

“Come on, stop” Armin tried to take the paper from your grasp.

You dodged him, disapproving his interruption.

“I’ll rip your fingers off, Arlert”

He stopped, raising his hands in defeat.

“Okay, okay” he said “but I speak from experience, trying to write paperwork under a lack of sleep never works”

“I’ve been doing this for ages, I know what I’m doing” you spat back, ruder than you should.

Armin did not reply, insead he sat on the ground and rested his back on your bed. 

“I know, but you will not die if you take a ten minute pause” he started “that’s all I ask of you, ten minutes”

You sighed. You knew he was right, it was already past midnight, and you had not slept well the night before. 

“I need to finish this report quickly, I can’t give myself ten minutes” you argued. 

“Then let me help” he said “I can review it for you, check for errors or inconsistencies your tired mind won’t let you notice”

“I’m not supposed to show this to you” you turned to him, slightly smiling “it’s classified”

“So classified that you let me into your room? I could peer into your paper anytime” he smiled back.

You rolled your eyes, turning to your paper again and watching as the letters danced in front of you, illegible. 

“Maybe you are right” you whispered “ten minutes won’t kill me”

You left the chair and flopped into your bed, your entire body hurt and your eyes were heavy. Armin was still on the ground, he would not usually lay on your bed, preferring the bed or ground.

“You should sleep, tomorrow is your big mission” your voice was slightly muffled by the bedsheets. 

“I can’t” he said.

“You’re crossing the sea, Armin“ you said “it’s a long and tiring journey, believe me”

He already knew that. He made you talk endlessly about your journeys, even if they were not for leisure. You noticed how fascinated Armin was with the ocean in general, asking you questions about the deep sea waters where no sand could be seen. You still laugh remembering his face when you said the kraken made an appearance and the poor paradisian boy believed it wholeheartedly. 

“I know, but I am so…nervous” he said “the trip is not the problem, it’s the land”

“Liberio is a beautiful place” you commented “if you don’t look attentively, of course”

Silence filled the room, you could almost hear Armin’s brain gears turning. You learned that he was an extreme overthinker, constantly worried and trying to measure and understand things fully, trying to solve problems that are not even happening. He was just as nervous as he was melancholic. 

“I hate this” he whispered “sometimes all I wanted was to just disappear. I’m afraid this mission is a step bigger than the Survey Corps can afford” 

You could only see the back of his head, blond short strands slightly messy, but you knew he had a frown between his eyebrows. You wanted to reach and touch his soft hair, but refrained from doing so. 

“I know the feeling” you whispered back “and you’re entirely right”

Armin decided to turn, laying his arms and chin on the bed and looking at you. Even after almost  a year of knowing him, his blue eyes were still intimidating. You were not uncomfortable anymore, but it still sent shivers down your spine. 

“Something bad will come from this” Armin whispered “Do you feel it? With your mission, I mean”

“Yes” you said “There is no good outcome from my mission, but I am already too deep in this. I might as well-”

“You might as well continue” He completed, frown evident “You sound like someone I know”

Silence sprouted, you were not sure if that was an invitation to ask about said someone, the blond boy was just as stunted as you were with vulnerable moments. Armin closed his eyes, the slight frown insistent between his blond brows. 

“Arlert” you tried.

He opened his eyes, noticing your movement. Looking into his tired eyes you decided to brush all the difficult topics off.

“Come here, the ground is cold” you said “The bed is small but we both can fit”

You secretly wanted to embarrass him, there was a strange joy in seeing him blush violently and stutter incomprehensible words. 

“I-not. The ground-”

“Don’t make me pull you by your hair” you said.

He blushed even more, but shyly sat on the bed. He kept his distance, giving you space. You sighed out of frustration and pushed him down, forcing him to lay down. 

“Now sleep” you said while still holding him by the shoulders “I’ll wake you up before the morning curfew”

“What about you?” 

You also laid down, but your head was on the opposite end of the bed, close to Armin’s feet. 

“I think there is enough space, hm?” you told him “now go to sleep, If you sleep I promise I’ll also rest”

He nodded quickly, adjusting himself to lay on his stomach. The view was quite nice, but if you commented about it Armin would surely combust. 

“Good night” he whispered.

“Night, Armin” 

If he was pretending to sleep, he was a good liar. He did not move, his breathing steady and soft. Unfortunately, sleep was not so gentle with you. It took a few hours until you finally dozed off into a dreamless slumber, but you must have slept for only three-four hours, waking up to the clock marking the sixth hour. Despite the slight darkness, you noticed Armin was not in the bed anymore. You imagined he must have left, a small part of you hurt that he did not wake you up to say goodbye. You decided to return to your table to tend to your report and there you found a neatly folded paper.

You were sleeping peacefully, I did not want to disturb you. Thank you for the companionship yesterday, it was better than rotting in my own quarters. I checked your classified report and marked a few things that could be troubling or inconsistent, hope it helps.  I won’t say goodbye because I will return.

You smiled, nobody to witness the way you felt embraced by a few words. You were going to miss him, and also worry the entire time he would be absent. 

Oh, and for the love of the walls try not to split your head open again if you feel like fainting, one time was enough!!!

You also thought so, but you also knew it was nearly impossible to escape hitting your head when you had a fainting problem. Yet, you appreciated his worry even if Armin could be insufferable sometimes, specially when he found you in the infirmary. You read the message with his soft voice, turning the paper to see his familiar signature.

See you soon, I promise. A.A

You could not see his departure, there was nothing that could justify your absence in the lab. The strange bond with Armin was still something both of you kept to yourselves. Gael would for sure disapprove and you did not want to explain yourself, specially because you were still confused with how Armin was able to slither through your hardened and numb shell of protection. He made you open a gate of feelings you were burying deep inside your soul. 

“It’s not wrong to cry, you shouldn’t feel ashamed”  He had said that the first time you were vulnerable in front of him, when the same nightmare haunted you. 

That foreigner boy, from a country despised by most of the continent, was the one to bring a part of you that was long dead. You were not sure what caused it: the destructive nature both of you held against your choices or the shared guilt and melancholy. Either way, Armin was a part of your life that would hardly be forgotten, and you were excitedly terrified. 

“Careful” Sofia said, entering the lab.

You were filling gas capsules when the girl entered the room. She was fully clothed in protective garments, ready to work with extracts. 

“The capsule is crooked, the smell is going to be pungent if it leaks” she explained.

You nodded, adjusting the capsule and turning the pressurized gas on. 

“Are you well?” she asked.

Sofia was not one for small conversation, that was odd.

“Good enough” you replied “why?”

“Just curious, you’re hardly distracted like this”

You were not distracted at all and, even if you were, not everyone had perfect focus.

“I spent the night writing the report” you said “slept for few hours only”

“Hum” Sofia hummed “it wasn’t the roommate keeping you awake then”

You turned off the gas supply, sending her a questioning look. 

“Viktor was not there” you said.

“You know I am not talking about Viktor”

Silence filled the lab, you were not about to discuss Armin’s night visits with someone you barely talked to outside of work. 

“I thought Maria would be the one fraternizing, but you? That was a surprise” she mocked.

“I am not fraternizing!” you argued.

“That boy spends the night in your room at least once a week for months now” she said “and both of you won’t shut up for hours sometimes, that is more than fraternizing”

You stared at Sofia, wondering if you could strangle her with your own mind.

“The walls are thin, unfortunately” she explains “but I don’t understand the conversation most of the time, if that’s what you’re worried about” 

You ignored her. You did not have time for this, Sofia was a better companion when she was not intruding in your life. At the same time, you understood her sudden interest.

“He is trustworthy” you said after a while “I made sure of that”

“I don’t doubt it, you were always suspicious of everyone and everything” Sofia replied “and I won’t tell anyone, your life is not anyone’s matter” 

The conversation did not go further, instead both of you finished the activities for the day with minimal conversation. You wondered how long Sofia knew about your night companion, and if the others also noticed. Sofia knowing made sense, her room shared a wall with yours, but the others never have any signs they noticed Armin’s presence. At that point, Armin’s visits were a part of your routine for over a year, and you did not want to stop it because your teammates knew more than they should.

“Sorry, I did not mean to fall asleep” you said while rubbing your eyes.

It was still early morning, nothing but crickets singing. Armin was sitting in your chair, only a dying candle painting his face in an orange hue. He looked even more sad under the low light. 

“Do not worry, you needed it” he whispered, diverting his eyes from the book he was reading.

“How can you read in such darkness I will never know” you commented.

You took some extra candles from your bedside, lit a few and put them around him.

“Habits from cadet years” he smiled “It’s very early, you should return to sleep”

“Not necessary” you argued “I slept well enough”

“Obizu” he warned “I swear, if I see you at the infirmary for exhaustion I will personally monitor your sleep hours”

“I’d love to see you try” 

As you noticed the overly empty room, you wondered if sleep would come. Sometimes, your only chance of falling asleep was Armin's voice while reading a book out loud. You tried to imagine how he was feeling inside that ship, the journey was long and the days were slow, the empty atmosphere of the ocean could send many people into nervous breakdowns and some even went mad. You did not know much about his comrades, but he mentioned the strained relationship he had with a few of them, which worried you. Was he feeling lonely? You knew him enough to understand that a lonely Armin meant drowned in melancholy.

“What are you doing to me, Arlert” you whispered. 

Sleep did not come to you that night. The days turned into weeks, and the weeks built into months. You naively hoped for a letter, knowing well it would be impossible, but your mind still wanted to know about the blonde boy who occupied your thoughts. The days at the lab were exhausting, your health was oscillating and announcing a possible crisis. Adding to the stress, the local military was acting stranger than usual ever since the commander left for their mission. 

“Something is wrong” you commented, watching as military people with slightly different uniforms walked around “Does the commander have a trusted person in charge?”

“I am not sure” Gael replied “they don’t tell me much about their dynamic here, but I know there are conflicts within the divisions”

“Do you think…” you hesitated “that some of them might be working against their own country? maybe cooperating with the enemy?”

“It is possible” Gael had a sinister expression of dread “but I was not able to speak to Zeke once even after a year in this place, and I am afraid we were left in the dark”

It was indeed strange. Zeke was the one to make this entire traitorous research expedition possible and yet he never spoke directly to any of your team. Onyankopon was the only one to give some information and you had the impression that even the foreigner man was not aware of all the details.

“The commander and the veterans” Sofia entered the physics lab “they’ve returned”

Armin was back.

“Did they request our presence?” you tried to sound casual.

“Not really, I just thought you would like to know” she said referring to everyone, but sending you a knowing look.

You wanted to run and find Armin, he had been gone for about four months, but waited patiently for him to seek you. Returning to the chemistry lab was difficult, focus was not something possible and yet there were many solutions to prepare. Sofia seemed to understand your uneasiness, assisting you and checking for any possible mistakes. You hoped to find the boy during dinnertime, but him and even his comrades were nowhere to be seen. After bathing for the night and barely having the strength to dress yourself, the short walk back to your quarters was silent, apparently ordinary if it was not for your troubled mind. You were unwell, the fatigue was growing more difficult to ignore, the emotional changes also added a mental strain. Your knees and shoulders felt heavy, all you wanted was to just waste away in bed, which you did.

A soft noise in the wood startled you.

“Sofia?” you said, hoping it was someone else.

“Not really” the familiar voice said, which would have made you jump from the bed if you were not so tired.

“The door is open” you announced while covering your shivering legs with the sheets. 

The blond hair was the first thing you saw, the length the first difference you noticed, slightly longer to the point it covered his ears and brows more than usual.

“Hello” he said, still standing by your door.

You were not able to answer at first, still staring at him as if he was an apparition. He was wearing night clothes in a dark shade of brown, apart from the hair he had not changed much. 

“Obizu?”

“Come closer” you snapped out of your trance “my legs are not working”

He walked towards your bed, unsure of what to do or say. You reached for his sleeve and pulled him with your remaining strength into your bed. The embrace was strange, not well aligned and completely out of the ordinary for both of you, and yet it lasted for longer than you ever allowed yourself to handle. 

“Fuck you” you whispered once you broke the contact.

“Uh-” Armin was confused again “what was that for?”

He was sitting in your bed, still softly grasping on your forearms. 

“You did this” you huffed “making me question my entire self”

“I’m sorry?” 

You sighed. He was beautifully inconvenient.

“You should be, Arlert. You do all those things to me and I expect myself to just continue being who I am”

“Sorry-”

“Shut up” you said, holding his face between your palms “Do not stop. Ever” 

“Obizu-”

In a complete and utter insanity of your mind, you shook your head no, whispering a name given to you long ago. Armin’s face was still terribly confused, trying to understand your behavior, but soon the comprehension settled.

“Is it your real name?” he asked.

You whispered it again, as if reminding yourself of the sound the syllables made. His blue eyes, always so dull and still just as faded as ever stared back into your own eyes. He whispered your name back, searching for your approval, his smile was small but genuine.

“It fits you” he said 

You were still holding his face, and he did nothing to leave your embrace, instead he snuggled into your hands and sighed. Time seemed to have stopped, both of you stuck in that position and basking in each other’s presence.

“Did you miss me that much?” Armin jested.

His thumb softly grazed the skin of your wrists, mindlessly returning the physical affection. 

“I did” you confessed “quite strongly”

You looked down, the warmth in your face betraying your embarrassment.

“So did I” Armin whispered, you imagined his cheeks were rose colored that moment.

Slowly, both of your foreheads touched shyly, you felt as if you needed to cry for some strange reason, but stopped yourself from spilling the tears. Forehead still touching, Armin took a deep breath of relief, and so did you. 

“Mind if I sleep for a while?” he said “I’m exhausted”

You smiled, nodding and lifting your sheets for him to slip under. Armin was cold to the touch when he finally settled beside you. He was facing you, a few centimeters between your bodies. Slowly, each of your hands started closing the gap until fingers touched. 

“Rest” you said “we have many things to discuss tomorrow”

“We sure have” he whispered.

For the first night in four months, you and Armin had a peaceful night of sleep. The slumber lacing your limbs together in search of warmth. 

[umichenginabroad]

Madrid Week 4: the rhythm of the night

Holaaaaa otra vez!! Niko here again, back with another blog for week 4 of studying abroad in Madrid! This week marked my official first month in the city, which means that I’m 1 month down of 3.5 (or 2/9ths of the way through). I wonder how my perspective of the city and life here will have changed by the 4/9 point, by 8/9 point, and when I’m finally gone. I guess we’ll both have to wait to find out ;).

This week, February 13th, was my birthday. I turned 21 years old — which is a pretttty big deal in the United States. 21 is like the final frontier of birthdays. After that, anything (except for renting a car, for some reason) (and also running for president) is possible. Order a beer? Done. Get into a club? No problem. Is it weird to me that we can join the military before those things? Yes, but I don’t know enough about the prohibition era to make a substantial claim on the laws we have in the USA.

Being that it was a Tuesday and I wasn’t quite in the partying mood, I went out for a nice dinner with a friend and bought myself churros for the walk home -- perfect birthday tbh. However, an American in America turning 21 will typically go out, buy alcohol legally, get into some bars with their actual ID (maybe Rick’s for my UMich people, which is finally on-limits :0 ), and likely get very very drunk with their friends. In Spain, that doesn’t happen for 21 year olds — or 18 year olds, for that matter.

I think that the basic differences in drinking culture between the USA and Europe are somewhat well known. To generalize: binge drinking is much less common in Europe; people may drink more but pace themselves out over the course of many hours; people start partying late and stay out much later. However, living in Spain and experiencing the nightlife firsthand has given me a new understanding of this culture — and I’ve found that it’s a rhythm I really enjoy.

An Aside on Work-life Balance

In Madrid, the people place a lot of value on social life — which lasts throughout adulthood. I think that in the United States, social life ends up giving way to work for many adults as they get older and their career becomes more demanding. In Spain, people subscribe moreso to the ideal of “working to live” instead of “living to work”.

This is a generalization, but I think it’s a fair one to make in comparison to the culture of the USA. This perspective may be a product of the bubble I live in as a student studying abroad, but the "competitive, always-searching-for-the-next-opportunity, never-staying-complacent (satisfied?)-with-your-current-position" vibe is something I have not yet felt or witnessed here. I think that difference can be explained in part by the USA's strong capitalistic nature (and Europe's slightly more socialist environment), but I'm no expert ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I don’t think that I want to subscribe fully to either ideal.

I don’t want my work to be my life. I think that I value a lot of things higher than money — relationships, new experiences, personal growth — and that's where I want to focus. However, working is an unavoidable part of life for (almost) everyone. I think that treating the idea of work as a career — something to be developed, something to find passion in, something that adds to your life instead of taking away from it — will enable me to live a happier life. And, to become truly satisfied in my career, I’m gonna have to put in that effort.

I think that the key to maintaining a healthy relationship towards work is deriving that hard-work mentality from within, instead of from the pressure of outside influences (living up to expectations, competition with others, greed, etc). In this way, achievements will be something I can be proud of myself for -- especially because I did those things in alignment with my own contentment and happiness. Admittedly, this conclusion is spoken from my "very wise" position of having had only 1 full time internship and a few part time service jobs, but this is where I'm at with my experience pursuing a college degree. Guess we'll see how it turns out down the road.

Nightlife

Anyways, back to partying in Madrid. House parties don’t really exist like the do in the USA, or frankly, at all. This is partly because there’s an ordinance that prohibits loud noises indoors at night, and partly because there’s no need for them — there’s a seemingly infinite amount of bars and clubs to go to, on every night of the week (yes, including Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday). 

First, you’ll have dinner, shared with a group of friends and never earlier than 8pm — usually closer to 10pm. Pregames (previas) might happen at someone’s apartment, they might happen on the street, either on the way to the club or in a group just chilling (botellon). In general, (especially with young people), as much alcohol as possible is consumed outside of the club, for economical reasons. A beer bought at the corner store is half the price and twice the size than at the bar. The streets in Madrid, especially on the weekend, are always lively. Simply walking around popular areas is an energizing feeling.

If you’re going out dancing to a club, you might also hit a few bars beforehand, which are more commonly frequented a bit earlier in the night - 12am ish is peak.

Like I mentioned previously, things also start late. A club will not be in full swing until 3am. If you arrive to a club at 12 (which is when most of them open), you’ll be dancing alone on the floor. This is in stark contrast to the USA, where at 3am, you might be dancing alone because everyone else has already gone home. Things will start to wind down around 5am on weekends, and a dedicated group will still be around at 6am when the lights turn on to kick everybody out.

Personally, I love this rhythm. Starting so late, you get a full day in beforehand — and much more time with friends spent during the night. Drinks are consumed slowly, and far fewer will end up on the toilet at the end of the evening. Things feel more relaxed, less like we're on a time crunch — probably because there’s simply more time to party.

I’ve only got one big qualm in comparison to the USA — sleep. If you’re out until 6am on Saturday, you’re probably sleeping until 3pm at the earliest. Which kind of throws off your Sunday. If you were looking to grab brunch, or god forbid be productive, forget it. But maybe, a loss of productivity isn't such a big deal. I would love to hear from you all what you feel about the work/productivity culture in the USA, and how you perceive (or have experienced) it in different cultures.

So, needless to say, I have been partying a good amount, and I think I’ve been doing so in a pretty authentically Spanish way. I’ll spare details on my escapades, but I’ll include some pictures (along with some more in depth descriptions) that may give a little insight into the ~vibes~. I’m a big fan of electronic music, and Madrid’s scene for that is vast.

For anyone reading this that’s going to Madrid sometime soon — either for studying abroad, vacation, or whatever else — I’ve been putting together this list of all the nightlife sites I’ve gone to, with little descriptions on my thoughts accompanying each one. I hope it serves at least a few people well, and spares them the work of finding the places that are a little less obvious to non-natives.

Hope everyone has a fantastic week! :)

Hasta luego,

Niko Economos

Aerospace Engineering

Universidad Carlos III de Madrid

Madrid, Spain

[beauty-and-passion]

Update on my Moceit fiction: the return

I knew we would’ve come to this. And it’s all up to me because, even after years, I still fool myself into thinking that sure, yes, what’s the problem in writing a Moceit that will develop in the span of 10+ years? Easy peasy, six chapters will be enough!

Well, I am a fool.

I reached the last scene of part 2 chapter 2 and realized that I wasn’t developing all themes as well as I wanted. I skipped a lot of stuff and had to use shitty explanations instead. A lot of things were just briefly mentioned in the previous chapter and never addressed again. The entire chapter was getting endlessly long, and my writing experience taught me that if a chapter is getting too long, that means there is something wrong with it. 

In my previous outline, part 2 was supposed to have two chapters only: one from Janus’ pov and the other from Patton’s pov. The first chapter, however, ends with a turning point. And not having Janus’ pov anymore means I will have to keep most of his thoughts on the side and never fully explain what’s going on in his mind, because part 3 will be focused on wrapping everything up.

That wasn’t acceptable. I can do better than this.

And so, I expanded the outline and added two more chapters. This way, I can use Janus’ pov again, explain stuff a lot better and make my life easier for when I’ll start writing part 3.

The two more chapters won’t destroy what I already wrote: the scenes are all okay-ish, they need some proofread and some adjustments here and there. Only two scenes will need a complete rewrite, because they are unfocused, boring and one of them isn’t even canon coherent.

Said that, the new expanded outline is something like this:

PART 1

Chapter 1 (Janus’ pov): it will introduce the whole story and the situation

Chapter 2 (Patton’s pov): it will show how things progressed, all the necessary red flags that will come back in part 2 and close this first part.

PART 2

Chapter 1 (Janus’ pov): it will introduce the new situation and a pretty big issue: the lack of trust

Chapter 2 (Patton’s pov): it will start from chapter 1, go backwards and explain the origin of that issue (In case you’re wondering yes, it’s connected to A Canticle In Steps. And yes, I will try to make this story stand by itself, so you will understand it even without reading A Canticle.)

Chapter 3 (Janus’ pov): it will explore his thoughts after what happened in the previous two chapters

Chapter 4 (Patton’s pov): it will explain some more stuff and lead to the end of this second part.

PART 3

Chapter 1 (Janus’ pov): it will start closing some stuff

Chapter 2 (Patton’s pov): it will add the last piece I kept on the side and wrap everything up

Now, I can’t assure you things won’t change anymore. But I almost closed part 2 when I started to think about these problems and I’ve already put on the table all themes I want to talk about. My goal is now to develop, explain and wrap them up in a way that satisfies me first, then you all (at least that’s what I hope!).

So, well, just thanks for following me and for being patient and kind <3

(One last update: unfortunately, the arson plans are cancelled. Nothing will physically burn, only metaphorically. I know you’re all disappointed, so I hope I’ll make you happy with some fights. Yes, apparently I can’t write a ship if the two of them don’t try to beat the shit out of each other at least once.)