#the photo is like 4 years old but look at her little squishy face

[gotham--fc]

Tagged by @grapefruit-personified

Lockscreen, last photo taken, last song, last photo saved

I’ll explain in the tags!

Everyone I would tag has already been tagged sooo I’ll just leave this open to whoever wants to do it

[cecilspeaks]

169 - The Whittler

Let us go then, you and I When the evening is spread out Against the sky And pick up some Dell Taco for dinner. Welcome to Night Vale.

Beyond our town, past the Sand Wastes, in the Scrublands, sits the old general store. An oaken cabin style A-frame with boxed windows and a covered patio. On the porch there sits a swinging bench and upon that bench sits an elderly man, his face crumpled like a discarded letter, his eyes like tire tracks hidden beneath the shady brim of a straw cowboy hat. The old man holds a block of Elmwood the size of a potato in his right hand, and in his left, a carving jack. He whittles away at the knot of food, shaving off small corners, making detailed lines and indentations. The wood is all his world. And this world is quiet in his lap, on his bench, on his patio, before his general store amid the Scrublands past the Sand Wastes, which curl about Night Vale like the gentle but calloused hands of a father holding a newborn. As the old man whittles, he whistles sad songs with no words. But all those who hear the notes know they are bout loss. That they are about loneliness. But no one hears those notes. Not yet. No one sees the old whittler, nor his general store far out in an uninhabited stretch of desert. Not yet. If they did, they would wonder how an old general store, which was not there yesterday, was suddenly here today, a shop that by all accounts had weathered decades of abusive heat, wind, and isolation. They would hear his sad song, and the universal language of wistful sorrow would hide from them their understanding of time.

Let’s have a look now at sports. This Saturday night, the Night Vale High School Scorpions basketball team begins the district tournament. The Scorpions, having finished the season 18-2, earned the number 1 seat this year, but face some tough competition in their bracket. In the first round, they must battle another basketball team. This is logical, because most basketball tournaments feature other basketball teams. But the other basketball team is considered weaker than the Night Vale Scorpions, because a series of accumulated numbers indicates this is so. Should the Scorpions make it out of the first round and into the semi-finals, they would likely battle the number 4 seed, Nature. A tougher matchup to be sure, as Nature is unpredictable and ubiquitous. Nature’s style of play is best described as capricious and random, sometimes showcasing an array of flashy skills like sunny days, crystalline lakes, and otters. But Nature is a lockdown defensive force with effective momentum stoppers like lightning, quicksand, and poison ivy.

And in the finals, the favorites to compete for the title are Night Vale High School versus themselves, perhaps the toughest battle of them all, as each player must confront their harmful secrets, painful pasts, and darkest nightmares. Themselves are able to match the pace and power of Night Vale’s offensive and defensive sets, and we expect an excellent game. Good luck, Scorpions!  

Most days the Scrublands are absent of humans, unapproachable and hostile. Today is not most days, as a line of Night Vale citizens has formed outside of the general store to see the old whittler and his wood menagerie. Parents ask for photos of their children with his work, and he only whistles and nods nearly imperceptibly. It could almost be interpreted as a slight twitch of the neck, rather than an affirming nod, but interpretations grow liberal when want is high.

Fathers and mothers snap pictures on their phones of children accepting gifts of wood figurines from the old man. The kids stare into the thin black ellipses that pass for his eyes, searching for the charming smile of elderly approval. But instead, seeing every single constellation of the night sky inside slits as thin as thistles and as black as tar. The historic expansion of the universe cannot be fully understood in words or even human thought, but it can be comprehended in the eyes of the tanned, wrinkled stranger.

The old whittler does not charge a penny for any of his work. He does not smile nor accept the many thank-yous coaxed out of the young ones by their manner-minded handlers. Nor does he accept requests. Children have many mascots, heroes, and cartoons that they love to possess via keepsake totems, and they repeatedly ask the old man for whittled representations of their favorite things, like Pokemon characters or one of Pixar’s anthropomorphic cars, or even Ted Allen, host of Food Network’s long running cooking competition “Chopped”. But the old whittler only carves what he carves. And he carves tiny horses, little cowboys, old-timey wagons, armadillos, tigers, tractors, almost anything you can think of. He finishes his sculpture of a koala bear and hands it to Amber Akinyi, who looks at her husband Wilson Levy, who is holding their sobbing, screaming 16-month-old baby Flora. The couple smiles together, never knowing that this balsa koala is everything they could have ever wanted beyond a loving family. Wilson begins to cry at the simple beauty of this craft. Amber begins to cry at the feeling of being understood, and young Flora stops crying as she fawns over the 6-inch tall antipodean marsupial, cartoonishly gnawing on a eucalyptus leaf.

The whittler also carves people. Small human figures, yes, like firefighters and ballerinas and clowns, but also actual people. Harrison Kip told the old man he wished to be happier in his own skin, and the old whittler grabbed Harrison’s cheeks and brought Harrison’s round, soft face before his own crinkled countenance, and Harrison screamed. He screamed in fear of what the old man was about to do. He also screamed in joyous anticipation, and the two screams were discordant like adjacent keys pressed simultaneously on a church organ. The old whittler pressed his knife against Harrison’s chin and began to pull the blade back, using the force of his thumb and the trunk of his forefinger. He repeated throughout Harrison’s assenting and defiant shouts, and after a few moments, Harrison stopped yelling and stood. His jaw squarer, his nose thinner and longer, his shoulders broader. And Harrison smiled.

Soon, the whittler began carving houses, roads, and city buildings. They were larger than the koala, much larger, for they were full-sized renditions of these things. He sliced and sawed away at block after block of red oak, hackberry and peachwood, forming new arteries of city travel, whole blocks of residences, and even cultural landmarks and venues. And the town of Night Vale, in a single late morning, began to expand into the distant and uninhabitable Scrublands of our desert.

Let’s have a look now at horoscopes. Gemini. Bury yourself in your work today, Gemini. Pile that garbage high and rest your weary head beneath its odorous, but comforting weight. Cancer. No more Mr. Nice Guy, Cancer. Today you are Mrs. Disinterested Lady. Get out there and be uninvolved in everything. Leo. You’re the talk of the town, Leo. Word after word is about you, and it is juicy! Like a rare steak, like a blood orange. Juicy like 2008 coutoure. Whew! You should hear what they’re saying. Virgo. You are not what you seem to be, Virgo. You seem to be a blackberry shrub, overreaching and prickly. But really you are a human, squishy and small. Continue to be the thorny fruit-bearing bush, though. Libra. You seek balance, Libra, but you are as lopsided as wealth disparity graph in an economist’s classroom. Share your worth, distribute your value fairly and compassionately, Libra, for the villagers are sharpening their tools. Scorpio. Hey Steve, love you pal! 

Sagittarius. Your (-) [0:10:42] in relationships is going to be your downfall, Sagittarius. You’re an obsidian monolith, towering over everyone, absorbing all light, except the faint reflection of those who want to know what glows inside your stony façade. You don’t have to be a diamond, Sagittarius, or even quartz. Just try for salt lick, OK? I think you can achieve that. 

Capricorn. Oh the games you play, Capricorn, you wicked little sea goat! You naughty caprine ocean dweller with your horns and scales, vexing us with your riddles and labyrinthian logic! The stars offer no advice for you, Capricorn, only envious praise. Aquarius. Put your money where your mouth is, but wash that money first, Aquarius. It’s been in so many other people’s mouths, ever since we added Jolly Ranchers as legal currency. Pisces. You’re swimming upstream, Pisces. Figuratively speaking, of course. I mean you are a human who does not need to actually swim upstream for food or a mate. Get out of the metaphorical stream and avoid the damage you’re going to do to your body and soul. Except for you, Tim. You’re a woodchuck, who is literally swimming upstream. I don’t like you, Tim, because you are eating my tulips. You can drown. Aries. Fake it til you pretend to make it, Aries. Taurus. Don’t hide your feelings, Taurus! Frame them! Display them ostentatiously on the wall. Mount them on plinths behind velvet robed (-) [0:12:33]. Curate an exhibit of your feelings, Taurus. Charge admission.

And now the news. The Night Vale City Council deliberated today on whether the old whittler in front of the old general store in the Scrublands was friend or foe to our town. Those voices arguing in favor of the old man celebrated the huge municipal expansion he was creating so quickly onto undeveloped land. 

“This new infrastructure would have taken us dozens of years and millions of dollars to deploy, and he has accomplished it all in half day!” these voices said in unison. “Plus,” they added, “he whittled a little army man for my kid, a bracelet for my wife, and a sweater for our cat. It’s everything we ever wanted!”

The dissenting voices, and they were few, could only argue that he failed to acquire proper permits for any of this construction, let alone an outdoor vendor’s license which is mandatory even for giveaways. Excepting restaurant samples, marketing promotions, and military dispersion of chemtrails. The many-voiced, uni-bodied creature that is the City Council, huffed in nearly unanimous support for this old man. His sad whistling, his prolific whittling, and his beneficence to our city. “Did you see?” said there of the voices, “that inside the general store there’s everything you could ever need. Cans, boxes, shelves, counters! Walls. It’s amazing. Everything is craved from a single block of wood, and it’s all connected! No glue or bolts or rivets anywhere.” “He’s a deft hand,” concurred four other voices. “How does he even find single blocks of wood that huge?” wondered a solo voice aloud. “Whatever!” the entire City Council roared in unison. “That old man is a superb whittler!”

And now financial news. [hysterical laughter Ha ha hahahaha hahaha every-everything’s fine! It’s just dandy! Uh, thank you for asking.

And now back to our top story. Out in the Scrublands, an entire wooden suburb has grown from the withered hands and sharp knife of the old whittler, who has for the first time today, moved from the porch of his general store. He stands now upon a stage, a round platform on the center of a great amphitheater, which he personally carved deep into the cracked, red rock of the desert floor. The people of Night Vale gather and sit on wood plank rows, which curve in a semi-circle around the old man on the stage. Each person in attendance holds in their hands a whittled object given to them as they entered the audience space. The items are all different, esoteric, and unique, each item and unexpected gift of the whittler. Each item the very thing they have always wanted, even if it was never what they thought they wanted. They hold gently their presents, protecting them with their very lives. The whittler, with his straw hat still shading his keyhole eyes and riverbend mouth, stands before the people of Night Vale who sit in an arena of his own making, each cradling a beloved statuette of his own making. The old man reaches out and takes the hand of his bride. She, of course, is of his own making as well. She is craved of weeping cedar. Her veil, though entirely wood, is somehow translucent, and her sorrowful eyes are faintly visible behind the intricate work of the whittler’s blade. The old man whistles once again, and the crowd whistles along with him. They know the song now. It lives in them like longing, like blood. Like a soul. They know every word of the wordless (-) [0:16:51], and the notes of loneliness spread across the Scrublands to the mountains’ edge and echo back in the key of hope, with a lilt of contentment and satisfaction. They will only be happy when he is happy and he is, indeed, happy. As the whittler clutches the hand of his newly carved betrothed, the clouds part, revealing the happiest thing of all: The weather.

[“Embroidery Stars” by Carrie Elkin http://carrieelkin.com/]

Into the Scrublands I went, myself already as happy as I could ever be for I was with my own true love, my husband. I journeyed to see the whittler for myself, as an effort of journalism, a chronicler of interesting events. I wanted for nothing. My happiness cannot be improved. Or so I believed.

When I arrived, the whittler more than 100 feet a way, and through a mass of thousands, greeted me with a nod so unobtrusive, I believed it to be a trick of the eye. But from the distance, I could see the whole of the universe in those dark eyes under dark shadow, behind the final violet of sunset. I knew he meant me.

Carlos and I stepped to the podium, and the old man opened his palm to reveal an original carving just for me. I had hoped it was a Nintendo Switch, but it was a [sea plane] [0:23:05]. Carlos, like a child on Santa’s lap, cooed and asked the old man for a superconductive supercollider. And the old whittler, his burlap cheeks heavy with gravity and history, reached into the breast pocket of his (-) shirt and handed Carlos a tiny wooden rose. Carlos hugged his rose to his chest, and I my (sea plane). The whittler took the hand again off his bride and gazed upon her, her veiled eyes met by his boundless stare. They stood like that for more than an hour, not speaking. The only sounds were the cicadas chirping and the crowd whistling.

But the tune faded, and soon only the cicadas cut through the silence of a still desert twilight. And one of us, Larry Leroy, stood and walked on to the stage. He touched the old man’s shoulder. The old man did not turn. He did not speak. He collapsed into black ash. Then his bride, then the seats beneath us, it all gave way to crumbling nothing. Then the buildings and roads and even the general store turned into ash. Finally, every one of our object dissipated, like Eurydice almost free from Hades. A gentle cool breeze arrived to sweep our hope away.

We returned home, wordless, with occasional whistles of the whittler’s tune, once again in a sad and lonesome key. Our cherished gifts, we told ourselves, were nothing more than baubles, ephemera, however blessed or magical. They were mere things, not love, not family, not true love, they were objects, toys. Props. Distractions. They were everything we have ever wanted, because we could hold them, see them, touch them. We can no longer do that, but we can remember what it was like. The rough of the wood against the soft of our hand.

Stay tuned next for our new game show: “Name all the nouns!”

And as always, good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Give a man and a fish and he’ll wonder what your deal is. Teach a man to fish and he’ll ask you once again to please leave him alone.

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 2

Boggy the Froggy!

Welcome back, ya’ll! We jump back in with our Bad Kids (or 4/6 of them anyway) the very next day. Fabian sends Gilear out on a coffee run on the threat of bodily harm. His mom–who, if you remember is low-key a total badass–tells Fabian that if Gilear doesn’t come back from the quest alive, she’s going to duel him to the death on top of the house. Yikes. At Chez Thistlespring, Gorgug’s parents give him another very detailed sex talk and then remind him that he lives in a world where magic is very real so any and all dreams he remembers should be treated as omens. 

At the haunted house, Adaine wakes up having had portentous dreams like everyone else which is doubly concerning I have to imagine considering (1) she is the eleven oracle and (2) as a full elf she’s supposed to trance, not sleep and dream. Luckily for her nerves, she cast Find Familiar the night before and summoned an emotional support familiar which she gave the amazing name Bogariel Frogariel aka: Boggy the Froggy. 

Meanwhile (and I needed to switch paragraphs because Kristen is doing the D&D equivalent of playing Twister while everyone else is playing Checkers as she is wont to do) Kristen is talking to Tracker about changing Yes? again because she is filled with doubt about her god of doubt but the one thing she clearly doesn’t have doubt about is her relationship with Tracker because it’s been less than a year and she already sees wedding bells in their future. Wild. She also invites Tracker on the quest, rectifying what I thought was a wild oversight last week. 

Everyone meets up and they realize Fig and Riz are missing. They (specifically Fabian) can’t get Riz on the phone (which has never happened before) and all of Fig’s stuff is missing. They head over to Riz’s office to see if they can find him but, before that, Tracker cancels the church of Yes? because, sure. 

There are signs of a struggle at Riz’s office, but no blood. They find a picture of Riz’s super-spy dad (Pok) with his arm around someone who appears invisible to them (though the spot is circled in red). They also find claw marks going up to a mirror. Adaine stops Gorgug from touching the mirror which would have driven him insane and had him attack the group. She sees a twisted version of Riz in the mirror which no one else can see until she describes it (suspicious). Then, she dispels magic and the Riz appears in the room…and attacks them (roll for initiative baybee)!

Fabian is flipped the F out. Kristen decides to chill out and drink Riz’s coffee–much to the incredulousness of everyone else (she’s on those chill existential dread vibes). Adaine and Gorgug are stricken by fear but they’re able to snap out of it quickly. Once they’re sure it’s not Riz (the doppelganger is going full creepy horror movie monster with the head twisting and biting and junk), they start going full throttle but Kristen gets a clutch roll and lands a banishment on Nightmare Riz (who was invisible at the time). Also, Adaine finds a gun but no one is down with her packing heat without proper firearms training so she reluctantly puts it back. They confer with Sandra-Lynn and they find out Fig has, for some reason, gone to Bastion City (the capital) and Gorthalax is missing. Also, because Emily is Emily whether she’s present or not, they find out that Fig has decided to multiclass and she is now a bard/warlock with her demon dad as her patron. Those might be connected because, as her patron, Gorthalax can now find Fig at all times.  

Sklonda, in the meantime, has been investigating a robbery at the mall. They end up there too because Gilear (who is back from his coffee run) said he saw Fig’s bus in the area. They tell Ragh to meet them there and then head over (Gorgug in the old family car which he buys from them for 30 gold (the cost of a pony)–the amount Adaine suggests after the Thistlesprings reject his insane offer of 1000 gold). Also, Kristen leaves her brothers some gold secretly which is sad and also I think not the best way to handle that, but the intention is good. The robbery was of a gem–non-magical I believe–called the Devil’s Heart. [Edit: And apparently Fig’s doing.] Fabian shows up, tries to be helpful, and then eats glass. Normal stuff. 

The group tries to figure out what’s going on with Fig by calling the hotel she’s at and basically doing a straight improv comedy routine, each passing the phone around with a bad story until Adaine just hangs the phone up. Then, they find out from Sklonda that Pok’s partner is a tabaxi (cat person) named Kalina and she is in the empty space in the photo. Sklonda and Sandra-Lynn can see it even though the Bad Kids can’t. 

With that information gathered, the group leaves Elmville for the first time on the way to the Hotel Cavalier in Bastion City and, hopefully, Fig. 

Detention

Fabian for Intern Abuse

Poor Gilear. Fabian solicits increasingly complicated coffee orders from his friends to make Gilear’s job harder and tries to get them to threaten Gilear on their behalf. Even Sandra-Lynn was like, bro. Lay off the guy. Bad form, sir. (Hilarious, but bad). 

Honor Roll

Adaine for Rocking Her Portent Rolls

Adaine had a 19 and a 4 for her portent rolls this session and she used them very judiciously. The first was her 19 which she gave to Gorgug who was about to fail his saving throw and touch the mirror which would have led to him attacking everyone (she has a vision of his beheading her in a rage–sidenote love that Brennan makes her portent rolls actual visions instead of just having the mechanical effect of changing the roll happen). The second was a 4 which she gave to Brennan who was rolling for concentration on Nightmare Riz’s fear spell. What a power move to stare your DM in the face and say, “You roll a 4.” Amazing. Portent rolls are so good you guys. Also, bonus points for coming up with the name Bogariel Frogariel. 

Random Thoughts

Fabian’s response to his mom’s ultimatum that she will fight him if Gilear doesn’t return alive? “Damn, guess I have to fight my mom.”

“MAGIC IS REAL AND SO IS MY FROG.”

Brennan describes Boggy as just the most archetypal looking, round, squishy frog and I want a plush of his yesterday. Or a stress ball! It would go with his whole emotional support thing in game. I love that Siobhan picked not the potentially “useful” or “cool” animal. She went full Marie Kondo and was like, “What’s gonna spark some joy?” Boggy also can give her the help action, which is great!

The episode was great even 2 cast members down, but they were missed. On more than one occasion, I was like, “This is more quiet than usual. I wonder why–ah Emily.” We better get her reaction to Boggy as soon as she’s back.  

Kristen brings up the concept of patenting a god which is wild. We also get an answer to the question I had last week about Tracker’s cleric status–she still is a cleric of the moon goddess. The moon goddess is just chill with her followers not being exclusive. 

Fabian sans Riz is a hilarious mess. For anyone who likes them together as friends and/or romantically there was a lot of Content. Fabian being like, “Idk about Fig but something is def wrong with the Ball because he always answers on the first ring when I call  him.” Him canonically forgetting that he has a name other than The Ball (that’s the name in his phone, obv). And, the coup de grace, him investigating RIz’s office, but only for signs of his name. Him trying to Investigate like Riz, rolling a nat 1, and literally eating glass (“I thought I could taste fingerprints!”). 

“Coffee’s ordered, is the Ball dead?”

Adaine as everyone is clowning on Fabian for possibly making out with the Hangman: The Hangman is much more human than my bitch sister. 

Nightmare Riz, who they still think is actual Riz at this point, pops out of the mirror and Fabian and Adaine’s reactions respectively are, “You can’t do these things!” and, “It’s like 60% of our grade.”

The idea of Gorgug going from a terrified scream into a barbarian rage scream is very funny. Where are the animatics people?

Oh, speaking of people, Fantasy High was trending on tumblr the morning after this stream. Nice job, guys! 

The talk that Gorgug’s parents give him about all dreams being significant is something I always say in movies/books/shows like this. You have protagonists who *know* they live in a magic world and they have weird dreams and it’s not until 2/3rds of the way into the story that they’re like, “Wait. My dreams…mean something?” Bitch, what?

Gorgug’s initial coffee order is Hot Chocolate with a shot of decaf.

Everyone is very chill with Tracker coming onto the quest. Adaine just has one rule: No sex in the tent while they’re also in the tent. Kristen asks like she’s offended Adaine would feel the need to say that but like…come on. 

At first, I thought the invisibility in the photo was similar to the non-Adaine bad kids not being able to see Nightmare Riz until she described him but they still couldn’t see the woman in the photo after Sklonda described her so not sure what was going on with the mirror. 

I went back to the episode where Riz finds the photo of his dad (First Kisses and Last Words at around 1 hour, 27 mins in) and in that photo it’s of his dad and his mom. So either (1) it’s a different photo, (2) Brennan forgot/retconned something, or (3) something seriously screwy is going on. I will also note two observations here. Sklonda mentioned that Kalina doesn’t drink but was holding up her hand in a toast like she was drinking in the photo. That seems too specific a detail to not mean anything. And the second thing is, last ep, we did learn about a servant of the Nightmare King called the Shadow Cat and Kalina (if that is her real name) is a tabaxi so that’s something to think about. 

With all the complicated coffee orders flying around, Adaine just changes hers to a black coffee to try and make Gilear’s life a little easier (her original order was a Peppermint Mocha–sans the threat of violence to Gilear Fabian was offering). I do really love that Adaine seems genuinely concerned about the guy. SOMEONE should be. And it’s consistent with her characterization of just being generally well mannered and empathetic. 

Kristen getting the banishment on Nightmare Riz is something she did after Ally asked for it and Brennan was like, “lol, sure on a 19 or 20.” Boom. Rolled a 19. Just like in the prom fight. So the lesson here folks is don’t give your players a conditional yes and then expect the dice to bail you out. 

Kristen’s existential crisis is so crazy to me because she’s having, like, a prototypical Crisis of Faith™ (and pretty realistically) except, unlike in real life, she has certain knowledge about the existence of gods, life after death, and the means to communicate with those deities in the present day like…I feel like you’re crisis-ing wrong, girl. She’s crisis-ing like she just deconverted from Christianity when I feel like what actually happened is closer to, like, quitting a sorority or realizing you hate your major or changing political parties.  

the nature of humanity is just that every so often someone accidentally invents homestuck helioism again

Ragh had a dream matching up with Gorgug’s (but he didn’t realize it was Gorgug in his dream) which means something and I’m sure we’ll figure out what soon enough. 

The Fabian eating glass scene is another one where you truly need to see it to understand how great it is. Lou is equally game to have Fabian be the coolest person who ever lived or a huge baby and Fabian running away crying because he has glass shards in his tongue is incredible. Hilariously, he runs into Ragh in the food court who has also eaten glass in the past (“Glass is literally invisible.”) and they bro bond over it so hard (“That’s my boy!”) that Tracker and Kristen are like…are they a thing?

The other crazy scene is the gang passing around the phone trying to convince the hotel receptionist to give them info about Fig. Kristen comes up with the name Teddy Guyger (and Zac and I at the same time are like, “Did you get the name Teddy because you have a teddy bear in your inventory rn?”). Fabian tries to drop his dad’s name. Their first move for some reason isn’t to give the phone to Gorgug who is also a part of the band. Adaine just hangs up the phone like Peppa Pig. Exquisite comic timing. 

“I cast bane on Gilear.”

I love the running joke of Adaine having visions throughout the day of her friends in the process of doing dumb BS.

Nightmare Riz going after Fabian’s good eye was big gross. Thanks Brennan, I hate it.  

I wonder if what’s going on with Fig is completely different than what’s going on with Riz. Just because they’re gone for the same reason irl, doesn’t mean they’re gone for the same reason in game. Nightmare Fig could be a fun fight though.

As someone whose fave thing in D&D is not combat, I thought the fight in this episode was great. Interesting concept, good chance for in-character reactions, not too long . 

Ragh upon meeting Tracker: Check it out: I’m gay. (Tracker: Tight.)

Fabian, who has known Cathilda his entire life: Do maids dream?

In this ep, Kristen and Adaine rolled 2 nat 20s each (Kristen rolled one for initiative also but it was lowered by her modifier), and Gorgug and Fabian each rolled 1. Fabian also rolled a nat 1 (which, again, led to him Eating Glass).  

[thatbangtanbloom]

house of cards || kth v. jjk [6]

House of Cards

The Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Subtitle: V for Valiant  

Characters: Taehyung x Reader x Jungkook

Categories: Fluff, Angst

AU(s):College!AU, Stalker!AU, Best Friends!AU

Word Count: 3,411

Sypnosis: Some people see life in black and white, and others see it in brown and blue, but Kim Taehyung only sees it in red and you.

• ° °•○•° °•○•° °•○•° °•○• ° °•○•° °

How could she do this to me? Taehyung sucks in a breath as though it is his last as he sits on the floor of his room. His eyes skimming over the numerous photos of you that adorn his wall. Euphoria courses through him automatically and a sadistic smile kisses his lips.

She'll never want you, a voice in Taehyung's voice shouts at him as he turns over a polaroid that he had managed to steal from the inside of your locker. Jeon Jungkook is also present in the photo but nothing makes Taehyung's stomach churn in discontent like that of the second boy who accompanies you in it; Park Jimin.

Jimin and Taehyung had been best friends ever since Taehyung was forced to leave you behind. Jimin was Taehyung's only friend and Taehyung was certain that he owed Jimin his life for all the times that he helped him with his demons that always found joy in resurfacing. Yet, Taehyung's only savior had the audacity to taint the one thing that kept Taehyung sane. You.

Your blushing cheeks, the curve of your lips, the softness of your skin - that was all for Taehyung. You had sworn it to him after all - but why did it feel like lately, you had forgotten about your promise? Did you not know how far Taehyung would secure what was his?

For the last few weeks, Taehyung ardently watched as Jungkook's presence in your life steadily began to depreciate and Jimin's grew. Something told Taehyung to call out Jungkook for his faulty care for you - after all, he had allowed the two of you to grow so close over the years - but Taehyung knew that he could not risk you learning of his identity; or even worse, remember who he was to you. The prospect of you remembering him crippled Taehyung to his core.

Luckily for Taehyung, the last days of senior year were ending faster than he could count for Jimin. Yet, that also meant that his were also ending. He considered leaving you behind - forgetting that you existed and continuing on to Seoul University on his own; to start a new life, to find a girl his own age who would love and appreciate him. It would be nice to know what it felt like to breathe again - to know what it felt like to not have your lungs crushed every second that he witnessed you in the arms of Jungkook as carelessly as you were when even Taehyung, fifty feet away, could see the adoration laced in Jungkook's orbs. Life would be simple, wouldn't it? He could stop feverishly writing you letters, skipping school play rehearsals, making sure you got home safely on the days of when Jungkook wasn't able too.

But then Taehyung knew. Oh, he knew.

Taehyung was far too invested in you. He'd be damned if you did not end up as his. He didn't care about how long he would have to wait as long you were in his possession before his last wavering breath.

"So where are you from?" You ask Hansung as the two of you walk side by side. Unbeknownst to you, Taehyung struggled with forcing himself not to grab your hand just to confirm that he was, in fact, by your side. It felt all too real for him to be beside you. Jungkook was always by your side; the close proximity was always unsettling.

Taehyung chews on his bottom lip. "Daegu." He silently prays that the location doesn't trigger any memories. Did he have to say Daegu? Would it not have been more trouble to say Incheon or Gwangju? His cheeks flush pink at your gaze on him and your eyes soften accordingly at the action. His shyness was adorable.

"Daegu, huh?" You kick at a few cherry blossom remnants with a lopsided smile. "When I was little, I used to live there." You turn to face him; your eyes glimpse over every significant potential mark that could remind you of him from another time but nothing comes to mind.

Taehyung sucks in a breath, much like he did often when he was younger. "I thought Jungkook and you grew up together." He tries his best to level his voice but it is almost no use. Did he follow you for years only to be foiled in a day? No, of course not.

"Tae, play with me!" You giggled softly while shaking the gate that separated the two of you. Taehyung looked down you with soft eyes. He chuckled at the small speck of dirt on your white shorts that he was certain your mother had precariously told you not to ruin.

Taehyung wished he could play with you. Honest, he did, but it crippled him to his core of how he could accidentally hurt you without intent - or rather how his father could. "You should play with someone your own age, Y/N-ah. Come on." He leaned over the fence since he was taller than you while standing on a brown box. He managed to get his hand over the fence but narrowly grazed the hair on your head.

"But you are my own age!" You frowned at his uncouth statement. You had chosen to disregard the minimal two years that stood between the two of you. You were too young to recognize the tiredness in his eyes, how he managed to tower over you, always.

Taehyung admired your persistence but it was becoming readily more detrimental to him. His eyes caught sight of a young boy on the playground by himself. Taehyung's voice caught in his throat at the small boy. "Yah, do you know how that boy is?"

"You're the only boy I know." Your words made Taehyung's stomach churn in delight. He couldn't wait until you two were older. Those words would actually garner something deeper in him.

"Is he in your class?" Taehyung found his teeth gritting without his knowledge. You turned to the boy who played in the sandbox alone. His bowl cut fell over his eyes before his chocolate orbs met your own. You waved towards him before Taehyung gripped your hand. "What are you doing?"

"You asked if I know him. I don't but now I do." You cheesed before waving the boy over. His bushy brows scrunched together before he dusted the sand off of his lap and ran towards you. A small grin on his face.

"Y/N!" The boy scrambled over to you as though he knew you and stood beside you. He noticed how you held your hand out to him as if to take it, but he shyly ignored it. His eyes met Taehyung's and he swallowed hard. "H-h-hello," He stammered once meeting Taehyung's glower.

Taehyung tilted his head at the boy in front of him."What's your name?"

"J-Jeon Jungkook, 1921 N. Han, Busan, Korea. I was born September-"

You giggled at how cute Jungkook was. "You don't have to be scared of Taehyung, he's my best friend. He's also my part time squishy." Your voice oozed sweetness like candy and Jungkook knew he was immediately hooked. So what if he caught cooties from being around girls? He didn't mind it as long as he caught them with you. "Kim Taehyung, 3423 W. Gukshu, Daegu, Korea. Born Dec-"

Taehyung covered your mouth as if you were spilling a valuable secret. "How old are you?" Taehyung had always wished for you to find someone your age but if Jungkook was the most probable candidate, he was having second thoughts.

"Five." Jungkook chirped, shocked at the closeness of you too. Wasn't Taehyung afraid of cooties?

"Really? Me too!" You grinned towards Taehyung. "What class are you in-"

Taehyung began nodding to himself and that caught your attention. He always managed to catch your attention these days. Five was surely young enough for Jungkook not to know, wasn't it? "Play with him from now on, got it?"

"What?" You narrowed your brows at him. He usually never spoke like this. "What about you, Taehyung?"

Taehyung, shaking his head, avoided your gaze while he stepped away from the box. "I'm not playing with you anymore."

"What?" Your voice cracked at the prospect of Taehyung's statement. "No! You're my best friend."

Taehyung swallowed so hard that the bruise on his cheek ached. Unbeknownst to you, when Taehyung felt his courage waver, his eyes dart to the faint purplish brown bruise on your wrist. "I'm not going to let you get hurt anymore." He patted your head before turning to Jungkook. "Yah, make sure she eats and plays well. Tell her she's the prettiest girl in first grade because she is, okay?"

Taehyung found it weird for him to sound as mature as he did, but his life experience proved to be a prerequisite of the current happenings with him.

Jungkook nodded at the taller boy, grabbing your hand shyly as he watched you choke back your tears. "I'll take care of her, Taehyung."

"We did... when I turned five." Your voice is soft, but Taehyung knows that you do not share his first glance at the endearing memory of the first time Jungkook and you crossed paths.  A loose strand of hair escapes your messy attempt at braids and you smile meekly at him. "I had another friend before him... But I think he was imaginary or something."

"Imaginary?" Taehyung thinks aloud. His eyebrows are knitted together. You nod, not caring to look at him.

"Yeah... This friend, well, I'm not sure I could even call him that." You stop at the end of the cobblestone sidewalk before turning your gaze back to face Hansung. Confusion laces his orbs. "He always was there for me when I got hurt... but that was the only time he ever came." You lean back on your right leg to stretch out your back and yawn. "Is this too much to talk about?"

Taehyung shakes his head, "No. I feel like I've known you all my life." He tilts his head with a smile. You do not notice the weight of his words.

"That's funny, I feel the same way," you say. Jungkook's words of caution run through your mind quickly and your throat tightens. Jungkook's practice had to be over by now! You let out a breath you did not know you were holding into the turn to Hansung. "Do you have the time by any chance?"

Taehyung checks his watch. "7:18 PM." Realization spreads over his face. Jungkook's practice ended at 6:15. Jungkook doesn't want you anywhere near him. He's going to be livid when he finds out. "Why?"

"I should probably get going." You murmur while in the midst of walking in the opposite direction of that of Hansung. You do not manage to move any further than three feet when you feel an ice cold grip around your wrist. You quickly turn to face Hansung, eyes widening suddenly. Could it...?

Taehyung lets go of your hand quickly, appearing as though bitten, "You'll come see me again though, right?" You nod meekly at him.  He doesn't want to let you go but he's fairly certain that if he spends another second with you, he won't be able to ever let you go again. He nods silently at you, hands pushing themselves further into his ripped black jeans. Your last glimpse of him is him crushing a flower and letting it fall between his fingers.

Hours later, anger is all you feel as you watch Jungkook pack your bags and items hastily back into the boxes and bags that you had only taken them out of a month before. Every item that he puts in has you taking it back out to its original place in annoyance. A scoff ensues from the boy and he turns to face you after you have taken your favorite book out of the box.

"Aish! Why do you keep doing that?" Jungkook's voice is still shrill from the night before when he confronted Hansung about being your stalker. Last night, Jungkook insisted on not leaving your dorm until you were fully packed and he had not gotten a wink of sleep last night in making haste to get you prepared to move in with him for safety precautions. Furthermore, you mentioning that you spent much of the day with Hansung does not further ease his discomfort.  

Before you can finish your sentence, Jungkook has taken two long strides to saunter over you. Both annoyance and fear lingers in his eyes but he blinks it away at once. "Well maybe if you actually remembered all the things that have happened to you, you would see why I'm having trouble thinking you can defend yourself.

In attempt to overpower his voice, you raise your own. "What are you even talking about, Jungkook? What happened last year and this summer has nothing to do with you always being overprotective over me for no damn reason!"

"For no damn reason? Think of everything that has ever happened to you, Y/N. You got into this university for four years with a full ride! You were 'saved'," He uses air quotes to emphasize his point. "-by some guy who probably was going to take advantage of you if I hadn't come along. Once, you were followed home and came home to a room full of love letters from someone you swore to have never met followed by teddy bears and fucking phone calls. You were so damn scared, Y/N, I had to sneak through your window just to make you feel safe for three months. Three damn months! Do I need to go on? You're so damn naïve, Y/N. If I want to protect you, you should just accept it. Protection from me won't harm you."

You shake your head profusely, sighing at all the evidence he has mentioned because it is true. "But making false accusations left and right – Jungkook? That's being naïve."

Jungkook raises his brow at your words. "Are you defending him?"

"You're doing it again, Jungkook." You say with a roll of your eyes. "Why is it that whenever I disagree with you about someone, you always say that? Why do I have to always be on your side? Can you not accept me making my own decision? It's suffocating – how you're always like 'call me before you leave, y/n' and 'don't talk to other guys but me'."

The adjective sets a wildfire in Jungkook. "Suffocating? Suffocating? You want to know what's suffocating?" He leans into you, forehead pressing against your own as he backs you against the wall of your dorm. "You. You're suffocating. I can barely breathe when I'm around you. It's like whenever I see you, my lungs burn. Every thought in my head is you and how I wish I could stop worrying about you but I can't." His orbs, once plain to you now sparkle at his words. Is this honestly how he felt about you? "I don't know if you have realized this but when someone likes another person, they care about their wellbeing." Jungkook states matter-of-factly as though it was something that you needed it to be pointed out.

Then it hits you all at once.

The boy standing in front of you likes you. He likes you!  

You stare back at Jungkook, utterly gobsmacked at his confession. "What?" A part of you had always thought that he did. Moreso, always wished, but you never thought that he would.

"Yah, are you really that dense?" Jungkook quips with a weak smile. "I just said that I like you. As in more than a friend, as in I want to be your boyfriend." He runs his fingers through his hair nervously. "Why do you think I worry so much about you?"

Unbeknownst to the two of you, Hyejin stands outside of the door. Her hand covering her mouth. Sure, she knew that Jungkook had liked you prior to his confession. Hell, anyone with eyes could see that he did. She, and much like everyone else (Taehyung especially), thought that he would never act on his actions.

What would Hansung do?

It would cripple him to his core if he found out, Hyejin knows this. She did not purposely make you her roommate to let Hansung down. She loved him far too much to let anyone ruin his happiness. She'd be damned if she would let Jungkook or you get in the way of his sadistic paradise.

After much needed convincing, Jungkook agrees to let you stay one last night in your dorm. He makes you promise that by morning, you will fully agree with moving in with him to ease his conscious. Though, he still feels unsettled with the idea of you leaving you behind when Hansung has a golden opportunity for you; at least this is what he thinks, a large part of you still disagrees though.

In the middle of the night, you are jolted awake by a pillow being compressed against your face. "You meddling bitch." Hyejin seethed at you before she slapped you. "All he ever does is talk about you and how perfect you are. You make so sick." Her fingers coiled around your neck, squeezing tightly with a sinister grin on her face. "I wonder how he'll go on without you."

You swallowed your last bits of oxygen before blindly trying to move her hands away from your neck. You kicked your right leg up to wrap around hers and knocked the two of you down against the floor. "What the hell is wrong with you? What are you talking about?"

"Taehyung!" She screamed at you before she headbutted you. The name sounds somewhat familiar to you but no one comes to mind.  The sudden jolt sent you flying back on the carpet. "You don't even know, do you?" She laughed softly as you held your head in pain, inspecting the room to find something to help you escape. "I have put up with him mulling over you for over a year but I am tired. Can you imagine being in a relationship like that? That your boyfriend only wants to make you like your roommate? That he cunningly convinces you should dress just like her and try to persuade her boyfriend to like you when your boyfriend is the only one who matters?"

"Hyejin, you don't have to do this." You try to reason with her. You want to hit her, honest you do, but the searing pain in your forehead blurs your vision. You raise your arms trying to find her in the dark room to push her away but with the lack of light, you fail.

"If you're gone, he has no choice but to love me." Hyejin reasoned with herself as she scrambled to your side. "I mean, I am you." She straddles your torso, her hands make their measly attempt towards your throat. "He makes you sound like a saint, you know?" She tilts her head at you as you struggle against her. "He worships the goddamn ground you walk on- oh and then, oh and then, you carry on with Jungkook. You don't even see how much it pains him to see you with anyone else who isn't him."

"Get the hell off of me!" You scream before managing to push her off of you. In your new position, you hastily try to grab the lamp from the side of your bed.

"I just wanted to be perfect." Hyejin is gone. You're certain of it as she continues her rant. "All he ever thinks of is you, Y/N-ah. I just wanted to be you because maybe he would love me if I was." She pulls roughly on your arm and your head crashes against the near nightstand. Luckily, it doesn't know you unconscious, but you're certain that you're on the edge. "Then I realized something." Hyejin laughs at your dazed state. She admires how your eyes are dropping close and the blood that stains your neck. "As long as you live - he'll love you and even when you die, you'll die a martyr for him."

You swallow hard and it feels like a thousand knives have stabbed you. "You disgust me." You press your hand to the back of your head, wincing at the warm droplets on your fingers. Your last words precede you to unconsciousness.

"Aish," Hyejin utters once the realization hits her.

What will Taehyung do?

• ° °•○•° °•○•° °•○•° °•○• ° °•○•° °

[doortjeanais]

SUGAR, WE'RE GOING DOWN :p

“Oppa, i like someone.”

Yoongi almost choked on his chips as Yoonji, his favorite twin sister, plopped beside him. It’s hard enough to keep Park Jimin and Jung Hoseok from following her around like sick fools and now she’s telling him she’s eyeing someone.

Yoonji, his little petal, is now a woman.

“No.” Yoongi said, curt and short. A warning Yoonji knows is reserved for things Yoongi labels as “stupid”.

She flipped out her phone, and showed Yoongi a video on Instagram. A young boy, not more than 18, dancing to Trey Songz’s Slow Motion in his sweatpants. Just his sweatpants. Yoongi looked at the username and bursted out laughing.

“Him? Good luck with that. Hah! Tell me when he talks to you.” With that, Yoongi took his things and walked out to his next class.

“Oppa, what’s that supposed to mean?”

Yoongi turned around and smirked at his dumbfounded sister.

“Perfoming Arts Building. Studio 4. He’s there, I am fucking sure he is. If you get to talk to him, let me know and I will personally wed you. Hahahaha good luck, sunshine!”

Just then, Jimin and Hoseok are racing against each other towards Yoonji’s direction, both carrying a bouquet.

Yoonji hid under the table and looked up the directions to Performing Arts Building, Studio 4, determined to make Yoongi embarass himself for thinking she can’t have Jeon Jungkook.

***

“Like I said, Jungkook is busy.”

Taehyung is looking down at a feisty girl who is tapping her foot while looking up at him, her arms folded against her chest.

“What do you mean he’s busy? HE’S JUST SITTING THERE ON THE FLOOR.”

He can feel a migraine kicking in. Jungkook has had a slew of fangirls and this one takes the cake. She wants to talk to Jungkook but since he has, under oath with Overwatch on the line, sworn to keep the door closed from all distractions especially girls, Taehyung has been arguing with her for the past 15 mins.

“Jungkook needs time to meditate before practice. That means more time alone and no time for other people, especially whiny, pushy, and tiny (He put his inder finger atop her head. Yoonji is furious.) little fangirls. Now go away, Jungkook hates noise.”

She stomped her foot. “You insufferable oaf! How dare you keep Jeon Jungkook to yourself! Who are you and who made you king to tell me what I can and cannot do?”

“Kim Taehyung, 20 years old. Theatre Major. Jeon Jungkook’s personal door guard and master of female affairs. Now let go of what ever grand ideas you have involving Jungkookie because I can assure you, he’s not interested. Bye midget.” With that, Taehyung slammed the door at Yoonji’s face.

Yoonji screamed in frustration. No one has done anything remotely disrespectful until now. No one ever refused Min Yoonji before. No, not today Satan.

She dialled Park Jimin’s number and soon Jimin is running towards her. He was about to glomp here when she whipped out her pepper spray gun and pointed it at Jimin’s face. Her eyes trained on the door Taehyung just slammed at her face.

“Yoonji-ah…” Jimin croaked. “What can oppa do for you, baby girl?”

“Do you know Jeon Jungkook?”

Jimin nodded. “Yup, we grew up together. Why, baby girl?” He slung his arm over her shoulders and smiled smugly. Yoonji pointed her pepper gun directly into his nostril and Jimin retracted his arms quickly.

“Call me baby one more time, I swear you will never smell anything again. Now,” she turned to him and smiled sweetly. Jimin was floored. “I want you to give him my phone number and if he texts me and asks me out, maybe, I’ll let you walk me to class tomorrow.” She traced a letter S on Jimin’s chest before poking him to drive a point.

“Ow! Yoonji, really? Jungkook? Why?”

“Do it Jimin, if you can’t, don’t even think about chasing me anywhere. I’ll put you under a restraining order.” She winked at him and strutted down the hall.

“I’ll be waiting~~”

The 2nd floor of the Performing Arts building heard a loud ‘you bastard’ and a door breaking.

People realized one thing that day: never get Park Jimin angry.

***

“Oww owww Tae, be gentle will you?!”

Taehyung dabbed Jungkook’s bruised cheek with betadine. Jimin went ape shit on Jungkook about stealing his girl and punched him squarely on the face. Jungkook was confused as to Jimin’s unusual, albeit unimaginable wrath. Mochis never get angry.

“Who the hell is she anyway? OWW!!! Tae, quit dabbing will you?! You’re getting me more bruised.”

“I dunno Kook, maybe if we bruise your face even more then maybe I don’t need to shoo girls away every fucking day or maybe we can stop that Yoonji girl from thirsting over you and maybe we can have Mochi back to being squishy okay? So c'mere, let me bruise you even more!”

“Stop it Tae! It hurts.” Taehyung drops the cotton ball and passes Jungkook the ice pack the nurse left. Damn, Jungkook can’t even let girls touch him. His bestfriend is sick in the head.

“I hate Min Yoonji. First, she took Jimin away, then she even got you hurt and now, Jimin is Monster Chim. Give me your phone Kook.”

“I can’t believe Mochi did this. Remember he said my face was precious Tae? How can he punch me over some stupid girl?! Wait, Tae, what are you doing with my phone?”

“I just sent Min Yoonji a message from Hell. Now are you done? Can we go home and play Overwatch? I’m starving.”

“You’re buying and I will be handicapped . You did not hold the door as you are supposed to. You broke your oath, loser.”

“Shit. Enjoy Satan, Min Yoonji.”

That day, the world also realized that the worst thing (depending on who you ask) that can happen is getting Kim Taehyung breathing revenge.

***

Min Yoonji is happy. Min Yoonji is excited to see her dumb brother’s face when she sends him a selca with the love of her life, Jeon Jungkook. Jimin must have done his end of the bargain as Jeon Jungkoom sent her a message.

JJK97 Hey there, sorry I was busy. Wanna meet later? CAFE SLAMMED at 730. Meet me by the bar. Don’t get bored without me. xx

MinJi Took you long enough to reply, Jeon. Be thankful I am gracing your presence later.

So there she was, in a cafe slowly getting filled with a bunch of people. A lonely chair under a spotlight sits on an off-center stage. She took a sip of her strawberry shake when a voice, deep and engaging broke her reverie.

***

“What did you message Min Yoonji?” Jungkook asked as he and Taehyung are battling it out on Overwatch in Taehyung’s brother’s room. Joonie’s TV is bigger.

“I sent her to the depths of hell.”

Jungkook slowly turned his face to Taehyung, who is turning blue in holding back his laughter. Jungkook bursted out laughing seconds later.

“No… We don’t even wish that to our enemies Tae. You’re so bad.”

“No Kook, she started it. Girl needs to meet Satan.”

The cracked up wildly, tapping their hands onto the floor.

***

No one wants to hear an off beat, too political malady disguised as a spoken word poem. The heavily packed cafe soon got emptied, with only Min Yoonji looking at the performer under the spotlight.

She did not understand his pathetic piece about rich kids and their rolls royce but it was all in English so, what was your point?

One thing is for sure: Jeon Jungkook has been long forgotten. Min Yoonji is now smitten with someone else.

***

Min Yoongi is writing a slick rap piece about his favorite twin sister’s stupid crush on one Jeon Jungkook. He smirked at the idea of rapping it to her smug face when she comes home without having talked to the elusive, woman-hater Jeon Jungkook she’s been crushing on when his phone dinged.

MinYoonJi posted a new photo.

Yoongi was expecting another tsundere selca but was greeted by a photo of his sister, kissing the cheek of one tall guy with a goofy face and a pair of nice dimples.

A face Min Yoongi so wants to punch, kick, and burn. But her caption made Yoongi want to skin the guy alive.

“First Love.”

“KIM NAMJOON HOW DARE YOU DEFILE MY PRECIOUS PETAL’S LIPS, YOU TALENTLESS PIECE OF SHIT!”

And that my friends is how Min Yoonji found her first love, Kim Namjoon (who is by the way, the person her twin brother loves to hate.)

***

So @biatch-with-wifi sent me a photo of a spliced min yoongi/min yoonji and she had an AU idea for a fic. A few exchanges later, it became the gist of this one shot, right here. Errors are all mine, not beta read. Enjoy the crack. Share the crack. Hahahaha

[mymakeupaffair]

 Drugstore Haul & Review

Hello, again! It’s been a while since I’ve done a haul. 2016 was a year of restriction when it came to makeup. I wanted to use as many products in my collection as possible and avoid buying anything that I didn’t absolutely need.

So I basically started 2017 with hardly any makeup. I was low on my favorite foundations, I was scrapping the sides of the mascara, and I haven’t had eyeliner in months! I decided to buy as much from the drugstore as possible so that I could save some money when it came to buying high-end products. I’ll have a high-end makeup haul for your soon as well! 

Now let’s get into the products and mini reviews:

E.L.F. TONE ADJUSTING FACE PRIMER IN BRIGHTENING LAVENDER

I’ve been watching a lot of drugstore hauls on Youtube. Mainly to get an idea of some products that I should pick up and some new items at the drugstore. I kept seeing this product over and over again in those videos. I thought, why not? It’s cheap! Plus, I love a good color corrector. I’ve never tried an E.L.F. product, but I’ve definitely heard great things about the brand. Despite the low price, I had high hopes for this product! Sadly, I don’t think this primer corrected any discoloration. I did really love the feel of the primer on my skin. It was smooth and didn’t have a cakey or oily feeling. I usually go overboard on primer. I use 2 pumps of Becca’s priming filter and will sometimes go for 2.5 pumps. I found that 1 pump of this primer goes a long way. It covered my face and applied evenly. It didn’t cling to any dry patches or emphasize any texture. A girl with dry skin can definitely appreciate this primer! This primer is a beautiful, vibrant purple color. I felt like the color was really fun. The packaging is also nice and the pump makes this product so easy to use. 

LOREAL INFALLIBLE TOTAL COVER FULL COVERAGE FOUNDATION

I had a difficult time with this product. First, I’m going to talk about the packaging. I like that it’s easy to use. It’s basically a squeeze tube and there’s a long tip at the end. Kind of like a tube of toothpaste. The foundation comes out quite slowly. You really don’t need a lot of this product. The foundation itself is a really moussey texture. It’s thick and feels almost like you’re rubbing your fingers in some melted chocolate (weird way to describe it, I know, but that’s what I thought of when using it for the first time). The first time I applied it, I thought that I’d try using a brush. I haven’t used a brush to apply foundation in 4 years. Beauty sponges for life! But I thought, let’s see how much coverage I can get from this foundation. And typically, brushes give you fuller coverage. This was a bad idea. Maybe I should have given the product more of a chance... I did half of my face and I wiped it all off. It looked so insanely cakey and thick. It was a hot mess. It did my skin no justice whatsoever. It sat on top of my skin and looked so unnatural. I am going to try this again with a beauty sponge, and if I like this foundation in the future then I’ll definetly come back to let you know. As of now, I hate this foundation. 

LOREAL INFALLIBLE PRO-MATTE FOUNDATION

I am pretty iffy on the pro-glow version of this foundation. The pro-glow was actually the first Infallible product I tried from Loreal. So I was pretty skeptical when trying this foundation. I used it on my  mother first. She has mature and oily skin. It applied beautifully on her face and she told me that it lasted all night. She’s very rough on makeup too. She touches her face, rubs at her eyes, and forgets that she’s wearing lipstick. Like me, she loves the Kat Von D Lock-It foundation. However, she wanted something cheaper. I picked this up for her and she actually really likes it! So I tried it on myself. I’m not a fan of matte foundations. Even when I wear full coverage foundations, I mix a couple other foundations together so that it will have a more natural finish. This foundation actually surprised me. It looked really nice. I would have liked a little more coverage, but I can’t complain too much. This is a good every day foundation. I wear this most when I’m throwing on makeup if someone is coming over or I have to go out. 

REVLON PHOTOREADY POWDER

If you look closely in the pan, you can see a bit of shimmer. I don’t think this shows on the skin at all. So don’t let that scare you! I don’t think this is a great powder, but it’s not a bad powder either. It’s pretty much what you’d expect from a drugstore powder. It sets pretty decent, but can crease throughout the day. It wasn’t horrible. I just wasn’t blown away by this product. This is great for the short-term. If you’re having lunch with friends. Running errands. Going to a movie. Basically anything that isn’t going to be an all day shindig and where it’s not super hot and humid. This powder will get creasy under your eyes and particularly on your forehead. 

MAYBELLINE MATTE+PORELESS FIT ME FOUNDATION

A goodie for me. I love this foundation for the price. You can’t go wrong with this one! For me, I like the consistency. I have dry skin, so I don’t like foundations to be too thick. This is such a liquidy foundation and I love it. This foundation is super easy to build and you can easily get fuller coverage with it. It looks pretty natural when applied with a beauty blender (my favorite application method). I wore this foundation around Disney World in September and I honestly didn’t even feel like I was wearing foundation. It looked great in photos and didn’t melt away with sweat. I’ve also worn this foundation to the Houston Zoo in the peak of summer.... and let me tell you. That day my boyfriend got a sunburn and we were both panting ridiculously from the heat. It was so freaking humid! I will never forget that day because it was the most miserable time I’ve had outside in my entire life. And you know what? This foundation stayed in place. 

E.L.F. FOUNDATION BRUSH

Now, I’m going to be honest. I’m really messy when it comes to applying my foundation. I mix 2-3 foundations on my hand. Then I use my fingers to dip into the foundation and press dots across my face. Then I’ll blend it out with a beauty blender. This process is pretty messy and sometimes I feel like I waste a lot of foundation. I saw this brush in Walmart, and it instantly caught my attention. I thought, wow maybe this will be much better! Instead of using my fingers to transfer the product to my face, I can use this brush. I think it works pretty great. I’m able to get more product off my hands with the brush. It’s just a better system for me. I still use my beauty blender to blend out the foundation. The brush is only used to get the product onto my face.

LOREAL INFALLIBLE CONCEALER SPONGE

It’s always been a pain the ass trying to blend out my concealer with a beauty blender because of my small eyes. I felt like the sponge wasn’t getting into the corners. I know there’s been other concealer sponges, but this one really grabbed my attention. Mostly because it was at my local drugstore and was more accessible to me. I love this thing! I love the sharpened tip and long flat surface on the side of the sponge. The size is also perfect for my small eyes! This is a new must-have for me. 

LOREAL VOLUMINOUS CARBON BLACK MASCARA

I don’t think that I’m picky with my foundations. I like my lashes to be black and to stand out. I like volumizing mascaras most. I really love the darkness of this mascara. I feel like this gets my lashes darker than any other mascara I’ve tried. I might have to use this mascara more, but I felt like it did more lengthening on me than volumizing. It’s not a bad mascara, but it’s not fantastic. There are things I like (the darkness), and things I dislike (lengthening rather than volumizing). This is called a volumizing mascara though?

MAYBELLINE AGE REWIND CONCEALER

I typically stick to a few concealers that I know I like. One of my favorites is the Maybelline Better Skin concealer. I really like the brightness and creaminess of it. The Fit Me concealer was my go-to for a while until it started drying out my skin. I decided to try the Age Rewind concealer mainly because the drugstore was sold out of my color in my usual Better Skin concealer. I’ve seen a ton of people use it online and I haven’t heard any harsh reviews on the product, so I thought why not? I’ve only used this concealer a couple times at this point, so I don’t know if it’ll end up drying me out in a couple months like the Fit Me concealer, but so far so good! The applicator is pretty annoying. It took me a good 6 minutes to open the thing for the first time. I thought I broke it! I liked the sponge tip because it was fun and felt squishy on my face (I know, I’m pretty weird to admit that I have fun dotting a sponge under my eyes), but I feel like the product could get really dirty after a few uses. I mean, you’re using the same sponge on your face over and over again and I don’t think there’s a way to wash it. I do like the product though! 

MAYBELLINE UNSTOPPABLE EYELINER

For years I’ve really loved a different Maybelline eyeliner. I think it was something with the word Dramatic in the title? It was the basic black twistable eyeliner from Maybelline for years. It was my favorite! Then I ran out of it a couple months ago and tried so hard to find it again... and it was nowhere to be found. Not on Amazon. Not on any websites. Not in any stores. I was so bummed! I had no choice but to give this one a try. It’s pretty similar to the old one. I found that this new one tends to bleed a little more at the corners of my eyes. I haven’t worn this eyeliner out of the house, so I don’t know how it’ll act when summer comes around. But I don’t think it’ll be good! If this foundation already bleeds in a 74 degree house, I can bet that it’s going to bleed a lot more in 98 degree heat plus humidity. For now, it’s okay. I’m saving my money to buy a Tarte eyeliner at this point. I don’t think this product will work too well with my contacts either. It doesn’t stay in the waterline too well. Basically, I’d use this eyeliner to smoke out the lashline on my lid and that’s it. 

[low-keylonely-blog]

ATTENTION!!

hello, I am a 16 yr old white girl from southeastern Wisconsin. very vanilla, I’m aware. in response to my “WANTED: cute boy” post, here are a list of my physical and mental traits, so that you can determine if you would like to talk to me.

PHYSICAL: ☆ 5'6" ☆ brown curly hair, about shoulder length. THICC HAIR. ☆ brown eyes that are lighter in the center (there’s a freckle on the left one) ☆ relatively skinny, not very strong. a bit of a tummy, but I suck in so you’d never notice. ☆ chewed nails. I’ve mostly stopped tho. ☆ braces! w/ rubber bands! somewhere between February 2017 and June 2017 the braces come off and I once again enjoy having a bright and happy smile! ☆ 4 very light birthmarks! the one on my knee looks like an archipelago. ☆ a bit of acne, but only on the forehead. ☆ STRONG BROWS ☆ bigger bottom lip, thinner top lip ☆ pouty, but only bc of braces ☆ large knuckles bc I used to play basketball. if I try, I can make it impossible to let go of my hand, bc my knuckles touch and form a barrier. ☆ tiny wrists. both pop when I turn them one way or the other. ☆ bumps on my arms. it’s genetic. they’re non contagious and not like acne, so popping them doesn’t work. ☆ left tit is a tiny bit bigger than right tit. ☆ relatively high cheekbones ☆ “innie” belly button ☆ weirdly lumpy hips. I’m pretty bony. ☆ legs as long as the sky is blue. ☆ relatively cute butt. not bony. ☆ stretch marks at the top of my thighs, just under my booty. not sure where they came from. ☆ usually bruised knees, especially in summer ☆ scar tissue on left ankle from when my dad dropped a ladder on my foot. it scraped the bone in my leg as it went down, so the scar tissue reminds. ☆ my doctor when I was a baby said I have popsicle toes! the 2nd-4th are double jointed ☆ hyper flexible overall. not as bendy as I used to be, but still pretty bendy. ☆ my dad’s parents were both German, but both were very dark looking for German. therefore, my dad can pass as Italian. it just means I turn dark orange when I tan, and tan very quickly. ☆ some eczema on my chest, but it is cleaning up. ☆ very out of shape. I can not run for more than 20 seconds without wondering if I can stop yet ☆ squishy?? I lack muscles so I’m very comfortable to snuggle, especially bc I’m flexible enough to fit anywhere but squishy enough to function as a pillow, especially my tummy and tits.

MENTAL/EMOTIONAL: ☆ A.D.D. easily distracted. ☆ easily confused, but quick to understand once everything is explained to me. ☆ guilty of savior behavior like you wouldn’t believe ☆ possibly anxious? parents don’t have time to get me diagnosed tho ☆ desperate to please people. I have limits, but I LOVE making people happy. ☆ I’m rlly fuckin funny ok most of my jokes are specific to my close friends or my childhood but once I’m around you for more than 3 months I’m rlly rlly funny bc we have memories together and I know you well ☆ very paranoid. overactive imagination led to some rlly freaky nightmares as a child, some of which are recurring. ☆ afraid of being forgotten, not good enough, my closet, the dark, inanimate objects coming to life and coming after me (especially doors and anything with legs, like tables and standing mirrors), and being killed in the shower. ☆ easily scared. can’t stand suspense or horror movies. ☆ semi obsessive?? like my friends and my hypothetical potential s/o are so cool and I love them and talk about them often. ☆ redundant. my life is boring. ☆ very very talkative. it’s a little annoying. ☆ easily bored, especially when I want to travel or get sick of how things are going. ☆ kinda rude? but not intentionally? I try to be kind to everyone but sometimes I come off as salty ☆ very passionate ☆ very defensive, especially of friends and s/o, and usually family ☆ loud :-/ ☆ easily excited ☆ interested in what you have to say, but will probably cut you off mid sentence bc my social intuition is lacking ☆ chronic liar >:-( definitely my least favorite trait, but one I haven’t been able to shake. they range from little white lies to just pretending things didn’t happen or that they’re fine. ☆ the last 3 years of my life have absolutely fried my brain. I’m very tired and very wounded. ☆ attaches quickly ☆ separation anxiety, but moreso just afraid of losing people I care about ☆ very self-centered :-/ ☆ relatively bullheaded. I don’t often think things through. ☆ if I have to face the music, odds are I’ll stick earplugs in and run away ☆ usually very positive! the world is a cool place with some very cool people in it!

LIKES: ☆ film, the art of ☆ cry movies ☆ and a bit of Beyoncé, catey shaw, lana del rey, halsey, … ☆ g-eazy, blackbear, childish gambino, frank ocean, watsky, drake, john mayer, sting, mansionz, relient k, one direction (including all solo work), twenty one pilots (but not rlly blurryface), washed out, a bit of fall out boy and panic! at the disco, arctic monkeys, troye sivan, a bit of the 1975, walk the moon, … ☆ the music from downton abbey and victoria and poldark ☆ history, especially sociology and foreign cultures and mythology ☆ politics, even tho I get too heated about it ☆ sci-fi! soft stuff is ok, but the hard stuff is rlly rlly good. ☆ fiction! ☆ writing non-fiction! ☆ slamming biased news outlets (r.i.p. bill o'reilly) ☆ working backstage crew in theater! my sister is majoring in stage management, so it’s a family affair. ☆ plants! flowers, succulents, cacti, even trees and shrubs! ☆ DOGS ☆ my bird, Elsa. we named her after Elsa in frozen bc her tummy matches the color of the character’s dress ☆ slam poetry?? I’m a dork ☆ activism! get out and get loud! ☆ volunteer work, especially through my church (I’m not sure if I’m gonna stay catholic but it’s how I’m being raised rn) ☆ shopping. it’s so satisfying to bring home something beautiful off the clearance rack. ☆ concept art for film and fashion ☆ interior design and architecture ☆ THE PROPERTY BROTHERS ON HGTV ☆ Steven Universe?? it’s actually a rlly good show. it makes me cry a lot. ☆ Grey’s Anatomy. another good cry show. ☆ purple anything. it calms me down. ☆ soft blankets and pillows ☆ laying down for the night. ☆ meditation and yoga! ☆ photography! I live next to the woods on 2 sides of my house, so it’s the perfect place for photoshoots. ☆ coloring books! the pretty ones, not the kids ones. ☆ reading! I’m usually too busy but it’s so nice when I have time ☆ CRYSTALS AND MINERALS AND PRETTY STONES. I have a growing collection, 95% I found on my own. ☆ driving on empty country roads. ☆ swimming, even tho I’m afraid of deep water ☆ hiking! ☆ chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream ☆ purging old clothes ☆ Internet friends! long distance romantic relationships are awful, but the platonic ones are always fun ☆ learning things you never thought possible ☆ speculation lmao ☆ hugs and physical contact ☆ pressure. I enjoy feeling close to things. I sleep with a billion blankets at all times bc I like the feeling of the weight on me ☆ the concept of Atlas in Greek mythology ☆ in depth discussion about almost anything! I love talking to people! ☆ barbecue chicken pizza from California pizza kitchen

DISLIKES: ☆ people who refuse to acknowledge global warming, white supremacy, sexism, or any fault on either end of the political spectrum ☆ unsolicited dick pics ☆ 99% of country music ☆ metal or screamo music ☆ slut shaming ☆ ignorance in any shape or form ☆ watermelon ☆ Brussel sprouts and asparagus and peas ☆ fish that isn’t fried or marinated in bourbon or teriyaki ☆ oranges ☆ bananas ☆ pop music ☆ slapstick humor ☆ most comedic movies (see above) ☆ cleaning ☆ zara larsson ☆ feminists who hate men (girl we are EQUAL not ABOVE) ☆ the fact that the USA does not have separation of church and state ☆ cold weather ☆ sand in my shoes ☆ most movies featuring talking animals (not counting Dumbo, the Lion King, Babar, Finding Nemo, and a couple others) ☆ those who put others down ☆ those who refuse to listen to both sides ☆ the fact that every Earth year the moon moves 2 inches farther away from Earth and it’s eventually going to be flung into space and we’ll never see it again ☆ white males in positions of authority. your turn is over, pal. ☆ Christopher Walken’s face ☆ John Travolta ☆ the entire movie/musical Grease ☆ when radio stations play the same 10 songs all day long ☆ overused slang ☆ dead memes that are still in circulation ☆ repetition from year to year ☆ bad school photos ☆ pineapple on pizza ☆ basic pages on Instagram ☆ dog types that have been bred to the point of inherent or genetic medical issues ☆ carpet that isn’t soft ☆ bad paint jobs ☆ jumbo tattoos. I love the tiny ones you don’t expect to see. ☆ costume jewelry ☆ asymmetry ☆ bad habits ☆ when everything is black and white ☆ when it’s a gray area ☆ the porn industry as a whole ☆ massive corporations as a whole ☆ people who use deadnames or the wrong pronouns on purpose ☆ driving stick ☆ pulling weeds ☆ vacuuming ☆ loud noises (the unexpected ones) ☆ same old, same old ☆ people who don’t bathe often ☆ when my hair grows too long but I can’t get a haircut for weeks ☆ people who won’t try new things ☆ when anything or anyone dies ☆ the feeling of not being in control ☆ not knowing.

feel free to message me if you’re interested! there’s much more, but this is all I could think of for now. congrats if you made it to the end!