#the second to last paragraph though 💖

[cnedirecticn]

why don't you love liam's caption?

i don't like the way he's putting himself down; he went through an incredibly difficult time in his life (which, i'm not sure he's really through it) while gefühlt everyone and their grandma ganged up on and made fun of him! he did the best he could at the time, he has a massive heart and is an amazing friend, and he did and does deserve so much better!

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - My Joseph

In an effort to keep perfectionism from sabotaging my attempts to write and share said writing, I've decided to do more spur of the moment writing exercises. Last time I had a bit of a writing prompt about Joseph growing old with his beloved to inspire me. This time I decided to finish a WIP from a while back that was only a few paragraphs long and see where it took me.

Where it took me was a very smutty 1st person perspective romp about a gender-neutral MC wanting to mark their claim on Joseph.

Content Warnings: This story contains graphic sex with a spicy hint of yandere possessiveness. This story is for 18+ Adults Only.

Also please don't mind the rough spots. This is a first draft, off the cuff exercise to encourage myself to just have more fun with just the act of writing itself. I want to stop psyching myself out of creating and sharing my work even if it isn't perfect. I hope you enjoy this spicy tale and please let me know if you do. 💖

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

...

I was so happy that Joseph was doing what he loved. I wanted to support him as much as possible. He was a star, and the way he shined was absolutely spellbinding. How could everyone not love him?

However, after spending hours watching a crowd of fans adoring him, too many flirting with him, I just had to stake my claim on my Joseph once we were alone. Kiss marks didn’t have the staying power of his tattoos, but the sight of him covered in them, moaning in bliss each time I made a new one would stay with me forever.

Joseph was a big man, tall and muscular. Even dressed as a clown he was intimidating despite his charming smile. In his arms I felt positively tiny. He could crush me easily if he wanted, and I felt a thrill knowing that he never would… unless I asked him to.

Most of the time I enjoyed letting him take control, but right now I wanted Joseph at my mercy for a change. He hadn’t expected the ambush the second he entered his dressing room, my body pinning his against the door to force it closed. His wide-eyed look of shock was almost as delicious as his lips when I stole a kiss from him, stifling a yelp that sounded suspiciously like my name.

Those big strong hands of his roamed across my body, caressing and squeezing as he pleased. The feeling of his tongue twining with mine left me feeling lightheaded, but I refused to be swept away or allow him to reverse our positions. I countered his attempt to take control by sliding my leg between his and grinding against his crotch. He broke the kiss with a breathless gasp, his grip tightening on my hips, and I smiled as I felt him go hard against me.

“Shit, Sunshine,” Joseph moaned breathlessly. “What… what brought this on?” He paused to let out a breathless chuckle. “Not that I’m complaining…”

“I want you all to myself for a change,” I said, my voice husky, almost a growl, before I pressed on with my attack. His breathing hitched as I kissed his neck, and he tipped his head back to give me room to suck on his skin. I could feel the way his breath shuddered as he moaned my name, and I relished the way he submitted to me. “I missed you.”

His skin tasted of salt and smoke, and I relished that flavor that was distinctly Joseph. I raked my teeth against his Adam’s apple lightly and felt it bob as he swallowed. I sucked on him there to feel it move again and leave another hickey behind.

“I m-missed you too…,” Joseph responded in a shaky voice that I felt against my lips before he let out a gasp and a delicious moan of my name.

Though Joseph let me devour and mark his throat, he just couldn’t remain idle. His hands went down my pants to squeeze my ass and it took all my willpower not to make an embarrassing sound. “F-fuck!”

Joseph shushed me before flashing me that damn cheeky smile of his. “Careful, Sunshine,” he whispered breathlessly. “We don’t want to get caught do we?”

Oh no he didn’t. Joseph wasn’t going to give me that smoldering look and make me melt into a puddle this time. I was in control, and I was going to make sure he knew it.

“Of course not,” I practically purred. “So you better keep your voice down.”

The flicker of surprise on Joseph’s face turned into a wide-eyed stare as I suddenly pulled his pants and underwear down in one fell swoop. My attack on his neck served as a perfect distraction so that he wouldn’t notice me taking care of that silly smiling belt of his.

I slid down to my knees to get a good look at his cock, fully erect and ready for me. I caught the small amount of precum already beading on the tip on my tongue, getting a taste of salt and sex.

“Fuck…,” Joseph moaned my name as he took hold of my head with both hands. “God, yes.”

Now was the time to mark my territory just the way I rehearsed it in my head. I looked up at Joseph through my eyelashes, doing my best to set him ablaze with my eyes alone the way he always did so effortlessly. “You like that, Starlight?”

“Of course. What’s not to love?” Joseph chuckled in a husky, breathless tone. “I love seeing you like this for me, Sunshine… so beautiful and eager for me.”

I did my best to ignore the way his sweet silver tongue could send my heart racing. I focused instead on tracing the underside of his cock with my fingertips, making it twitch at my feather light touch. “Then tell me… who’s the only one who gets to see you like this?”

“You, Sunshine,” Joseph said without hesitation before saying my name with so much affection that it sent my insides fluttering. “Only you.”

I suppose it was too much to expect Joseph to be caught off-guard enough to sputter or fluster at my boldness, especially not after how many times we’ve made love, but this wasn’t a bad result either. “That’s right,” I cooed as I took hold of his cock, eliciting a low breathy moan from him. “You’re mine, Joseph.”

“And you’re mine,” Joseph said, his voice tender yet throaty. “Now and forever.”

“Forever,” I echoed, and the knot that was in my chest since he was surrounded by that mob of lustful housewives loosened a bit. It was so hard not to soften completely and let things fall back into their usual rhythm, but I was determined to assert my dominance a little longer. I brought a commanding edge back to my voice. “Now, tell me what you want.”

Joseph practically growled my name like an animal, sending shivers down my spine. “I want you, Sunshine. I want you to suck my cock and swallow every drop of my cum. I want you to take me in every hole and let me fill you up nice and deep so you’ll always feel me inside you. I want you to lose control and scream my name loud enough for the world to hear that you’re mine. I want everyone to know who you chose, who you love more than anyone else. No matter where you are or what you do, I want to be the only one in your thoughts, the only one who can make you like this… the only one you need in every way.”

I hadn’t expected such an intense response, though I suppose I should have. Joseph always had a way with words that left me hot and flustered. I tried to regain my composure and come up with a suitable retort, but those dark eyes of his that burned with love and lust made it that much harder to think. “Joseph… I-I want you to need me that badly too.”

“I do,” Joseph said in a near groan as he nudged his cock against my mouth, which was dripping again with his need. “Fuck, I need you so, so badly, Sunshine. Please…”

Fuck. I wanted Joseph to beg, but I wasn’t expecting what it would do to me. The desperate note of sheer need in his voice sent shivers of heat through me that pooled between my legs and left me aching.

How could I deny such a sweet plea like that?

Joseph moaned my name as I went down on him, and I relished the way he shuddered and twitched in my mouth. He was so big and hot, almost too much for me to handle, but I had more than enough experience to take him in deep.

“That’s it,” Joseph said in a low, breathy voice. “Fuck, Sunshine. Your mouth feels so good.  No one else could make me feel the way you do.”

He kept whispering my name between husky pants and sweet praise. His hands kept running along my head down to my neck and shoulders then back up again. The way his hips twitched told me just how hard he was fighting the urge to start thrusting. I squeezed those juicy thighs of his, holding him in place while silently reminding him who was in control right now.

“Oh God,��� Joseph moaned. “You’re taking me so deep… Fuck… That’s it. Take all of my cock. It’s all for you… just you. Only you, Sunshine.”

Joseph always had a way with words, telling me exactly what I wanted to hear. I redoubled my efforts, wanting to take in every inch of him. The noises he made were just as intoxicating as his sweet praise and the way he said my name left me lightheaded. I was drunk off his love and need for me, and I couldn’t get enough of him.

“Shit, yes,” Joseph hissed. “God, you’re so beautiful. That’s it… just like that. Fuck!”

It was a struggle to increase the tempo while deepthroating him, but I was determined. I added my hands to the mix, toying with his balls before stroking the base of his cock where my mouth couldn’t reach. He let out a yelp, his hips jolting as I gave him a particularly firm squeeze, and I had to take a moment to catch my breath when I started to gag. I refused to let up on the attack while I gave my throat a break, squeezing him firmly as I moved my hands along his length in quick strokes.

Joseph started to buckle under the intense assault, his back sliding down along the door a little, though he refused to let his legs give out. His words of praise came out more broken now, sentences cut off by barely stifled moans that begged to become reckless screams.

I adored how beautiful Joseph looked in that moment, how weak and needy he was from my touch. He let go of the control he was so fond of having over me and was reduced to a pleading mess that I couldn’t get enough of. My groin ached for satisfaction, but I stubbornly refused to let myself get distracted. I put my mouth back to work with renewed vigor, making sure to swipe my tongue along the spots that I knew would make him whimper for me.

When all Joseph could say was my name as he started to tense, I knew he was close. I debated stopping at the last second, wanting to tease him a little more to make sure he knew who was in control this time and see how he might react, but I was nearing my limit as well. I needed him inside more than just my mouth. My body ached to be one with him. I needed him to fill me up like no one else could.

But before that, I needed to see him come absolutely undone for me.

One of his hands left my head so Joseph could bite down on it to stifle a cry as he gave me exactly what I wanted. The rush of hot sticky cum hit the back of my throat that I was quick to swallow. I focused on each pulse of his cock in my mouth, the way he arched his back and shuddered. With one hand he held onto me for dear life while the other tried to keep the entire studio from finding out what we were doing.

For a moment, I was tempted to rip that hand away from his mouth and let the world know the name of the person Joseph was screaming for so desperately.

I dropped the thought immediately. As much as I wanted to mark my territory, that was a step too far. We weren’t supposed to be doing stuff like this at the studio after all, and I didn’t want to risk Joseph losing his job.

Besides, if we were caught, we wouldn’t be able to enjoy scandalous moments like this where I got to reduce the famous Sunny Day Jack to a pleading, needy mess.

When I finally released Joseph, he all but crumpled to the floor. Despite the haze of bliss fogging his mind, he immediately reached out for me, crushing me to his shuddering body before fumbling to capture my lips with his. He whispered my name as we parted, breathless and husky, and sent a shiver down my spine.

“God…,” Joseph breathed. “I love you so much… so fucking much… No one makes me feel the way you do, Sunshine.”

“I love you too, Joseph,” I answered, but I didn’t get the chance to say more before his mouth captured mine again.

The kisses started off languid, but soon grew more intense as Joseph recovered his strength. Before I knew what was happening, I was pinned on the floor beneath him, deliciously trapped under his hot and heavy body. His hands were everywhere, leaving a trail of fire with every touch as he sought out every inch of me. My clothes were gone before I knew it, along with my domination over him.

I was beyond caring at that point. All that mattered was getting Joseph just as naked as me and tasting that silver tongue of his as he kissed me until I was breathless. All I wanted was to revel in just how much he wanted me, loved me, needed me. I wanted to savor his possessive growls, his frantic pawing of my body, and the way he marked me as his inside and out. The pleasure I took in knowing that I drove him to this state was almost as good as the way he made me feel as he claimed me as his.

Taking control for a change was a lot more fun than I expected. I needed to do it again sometime soon.

[sluttyhenley]

Tag Game: First 10 Lines Challenge

Rules: Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able to and see if there are any patterns!

Tagged by @starrybouquet - thank you!! 💖

bluebirds singing a song masters of the air, buck/bucky/marge

Marge was puttering around in the kitchen; she felt like she’d been there all day. Avoiding John Egan, though she wouldn’t admit that unless pressed. Gale had to go into the office to put out a fire. He made it sound like a literal fire and now there was no buffer between her and John, no one to smooth out John’s increasingly obvious discomfort with her.

nothing but blue skies from now on masters of the air, buck/bucky/marge

Marge pulled back the curtains and looked out the window to see clouds piling up outside, dark and heavy with the promise of rain. A storm was brewing. She grimaced. John was supposed to arrive a couple of hours ago; instead, he had gotten stuck somewhere around Douglas when the storm hit, and now it was rolling their way. With the weather growing worse, they had no idea when he would arrive.

can't tell your best buddy (that you love him) top gun: maverick, rooster/phoenix

Phoenix is tipsy and her feet hurt. She’s been out all night, one of those mandatory fun, social events with the other officers in her squadron, but it had been fun. It had been fun and she had dressed up. She’s wearing one of the most impractical pairs of shoes she owns, and she’s definitely regretting that choice now.

come monday, it'll be alright top gun: maverick, gen

Missiles fire all around her. Bob is in her ear, watching her back, a second pair of eyes. Adrenaline floods her veins but still she doesn’t panic. They can all get home. Nothing about her training could have ever really prepared her for what it is to be in an actual firefight against enemy pilots.

you rattle my brain top gun: maverick, rooster/phoenix

The thing about Natasha Trace, callsign Phoenix, is that she’s really difficult to ignore. The first time he sees her walk into a room, Rooster can’t seem to stop the way his entire focus zeroes in on her.

been around a time or two top gun: maverick, maverick/phoenix

Phoenix was puttering around her apartment downtown, thinking about dinner. It was late and the sun had dropped below the horizon long ago. She couldn’t even get off the air station before sunset. She opened her refrigerator door and contemplated ordering in.

put a hold on my heart top gun: maverick, rooster/phoenix

Rooster didn’t call her when he got back stateside, and it shouldn’t even matter. It’s just that, she told him she was recalled back to TOPGUN. She thought maybe he’d say something. It hurts. She wishes it didn’t, wishes she was mad at him. And she is; the anger is there, too, but it’s mostly hurt.

made a lot of mistakes in my mind the bear, sydney/carmy

The restaurant is practically empty now. There’s only a handful of the staff left, and the streets are almost quiet in the aftermath of their soft opening. Sydney can’t stop the list running through her head. It’s a loop: things done, things in process, things still needing to get done.

my heart is working overtime 9-1-1, buck/eddie

Eddie has been going on dates. So many dates and not a single one of them has felt right. Hen and Chim are starting to tease him about being too picky. Bobby keeps reassuring him it just takes time. Buck doesn’t say much of anything at all.

tomorrow and tomorrow edge of tomorrow, bill/rita

“Yes? What do you want?” Rita Vrataski doesn’t remember him. Of course she doesn’t. This is his reset. Not hers.

first line, first paragraph, whatever

one thing about me is i will drop the reader in the middle of a scenario. but i'll establish pretty quickly what pov i'm working in too so i mean, i guess there's that? also. first paragraphs my absolute beloathed. every one of these was reworked over and over and over and over before posting

tagging (no pressure as always!): @redbelles, @ladywaffles, @reachingforaspark, @lannisterdaddyissues, @katetylers and uhh idk anyone else who sees this and wants to do it

[ladytauria]

10, 11, 16, 32??? 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

thank u leo!!! 💞

10. Ctrl+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

i searched both the WIPs i’ve been working on the last couple of days—one i’ve had for over a year and the other i’ve had for??? two days??? which has just rapidly unfolded in front of me—and! surprisingly blinks only showed up once?

anyway, this is from the second fic, which features jaytim + student/teacher roleplay:

Mr. Drake’s hand wraps loosely around his wrist; his hand cool. “Good job,” he praises, softly, and Jason blinks rapidly again, the praise making him feel pleasantly warm and tingly. He tugs Jason forward, guiding Jason over his lap, until his hips and belly are firmly settled over Mr. Drake’s thighs.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

just 3???? sigh… okay, i’ll try 😂

in no particular order!!

I Know What My Brother Is – @bi-bats -> Reverse Robins. DamiTim. This fic… Damian’s POV is gorgeous. The prose is so poetic, there are so many gut punching lines! Also everything abt the AU and the way the relationships are effected by it is just… yes. So much yes.

Mother Knows Best – @kieran-granola -> JayTim. I have read this… so many times. Little afraid to look in my history just to see how many xD Kink exploration is so much fun to read. Also, love when a fic awakens something in me 😂

and then… okay, i was talking about this one earlier and i adore it so, so:

American Beauty (American Psycho) – TimmyJaybjrd -> JayTim. Toxic relationship. Love, love, love it. It’s not the usual fic I seek out but I read it anyway, and omg. It’s so good. Controlling, dominant Tim and needy, eager to please Jason just hits the spot for me! Damian was also really good in this~

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

i don’t have an official count but more than 30! again it’s tempting to share more than asked but 😂

hmm

okay, let’s go with an urban fantasy one!! this one features dragon!tim/selkie!jason!

Dragons are possessive of their hordes. Tim isn’t as bad as some (who don’t even allow people to look, let alone touch), the instincts are still there. So, when they start dating, Jason decides to hide his coat.

It’s just a precaution, really. He doesn’t think Tim would trap him like that. Not really. But if Tim has decided Jason is his, what if he decides Jason’s coat is his too? After all, then Jason could never leave—and he definitely wouldn’t disobey or ignore when Tim tells him to do things, either. So. It’s just—better this way. Safer.

Tim notices when Jason switches from using his disguised coat to a real leather jacket, but he doesn’t say anything. Selkies are shy, and just as protective of their coats as dragons are of their horde.

However, as time passes, the coat stays hidden—except when Jason gives in to the call of the sea. He’s always let the ache grow as long as he can, though, before finally giving in. Months will pass, sometimes, before he finally goes. With his coat now separated from him constantly, though, the ache grows faster, until he’s going around once a month.

Tim is worried, but he has no idea how to bring it up without scaring Jason. He’s also maybe a little hurt, by this point, since Jason still doesn’t trust him—but, at the same time, access to a selkie’s coat gives you a lot more power over them than access to a dragon’s horde does!

This is where my brain likes to skim over the details, but there’s some angst, some hurt/comfort, maybe a minor disaster (perhaps someone finding the coat? 🤔), but one way or another, Jason & Tim end up having to actually have a conversation. I’m not exactly sure how that goes, either, only that my brain is pretty fixated on Jason’s coat ending up in the heart of Tim’s hoard for safe-keeping, and both of them getting the warm & fuzzies over it!

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

@kieran-granola ; @waffleinator-inator ; @bi-bats

dearly love all of their fics 🥰

[ get to know the fic writer! ]

[malleleothreesome]

Idk if you’re taking requests but I’ve had this angst idea for some time now

You and Leona are dating, you’re friends with malleus but you don’t hang out with him often because you don’t want to conflicts.

You start to notice becoming more distant and sometimes he even become a little cold towards you, even in bed, but what confuses you the most is that randomly he would be all lovely dovey while being intimate. One day he confesses to you that he has been unfaithful and that he is getting married to a girl (a lioness), a future queen, that needs a king (because a female taking that place is not seen appropriate) and he tells you that this is what he has been waiting for, but he loves you and he will take you with him once he becomes king. To please wait for him to become someone better for you.

But you don’t like that, you want to be his one and only and you don’t want to share. Plus you don’t think it’s fair to the other girl. So you break up. You start getting closer to malleus and a good friendship develops. One day you see Leona walking on campus with the girl, and malleus feels so bad for you.

Fast forward you marry malleus and you are now the queen of briar. But for some reason there’s a gathering/meeting of all kingdoms. And after so many years you see Leona again.

You can end it however you want 🥺

HELLO ARI I know that this is the first time we are speaking but I already feel like I can ALL CAPS SPEAK AT YOU EXCITEDLY.

First off, apologies for taking so long to answer this incredible ask. I kept telling myself I would answer it as soon as I finished my blindfolded Malleus fic, but it ended up taking me way longer than I anticipated to finish that lengthy endeavor.

Second off, I saw this message at like 1 something AM Thursday night last week and I was SO EXHILARATED that it ruined my sleep (no regrets).

Like, this message was TRULY ENLIGHTENING and I am still giddy right now as I type this becAUSE I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE THE SAME DAMN IDEA!?!?!? Like ESPECIALLY the paragraph about Leona and the Lioness crown Princess—I ALREADY have an OC for that role that I use in my daydreams when I'm feeling extra angsty.

The best part is, your idea is more elaborate and complete than my initial idea. If this were a business, I'd hire you as a c-suite level employee. I am beyond grateful for this ask—thank you so much for taking the time to send me such an elaborate request! Ever since 1989 TV came out, I have been obsessed with Is It Over Now? and I've been HAUNTED by MalleLeo angst thoughts every time I listen to it.

And, I just feel like, SO CONFIDENT and SECURE in this idea now thanks to your ask. I am BUZZING with excitement to write this. This is probably going to be like, THE angst fic of my fanfic career. Since these two are my faves I just have tons of gut-wrenching angst ideas swirling around my head, especially around this Leona marriage topic.

Just a warning though, this is gonna be sooooo0o0o0o long. Like I can't help but be detailed with my writing and there are a LOT of points I want to expand upon in this type of past/future LOVE TRIANGLE (ugh I'm SCREAMING with EXCITEMENT AT THIS). So this is probably going to be a long, multi-chapter project that spans many months.

In terms of ending, uhhhhh........... I'm probably gonna do a 'choose your own adventure style' where I write separate happy endings for both Leona and Malleus. Reader can choose who they want because, as tumblr user malleleothreesome, I CERTAINLY CANNOT CHOOSE.

THANK YOU ILY ARI I BOW TO YOU 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️💖💖💖

[littleplantfreak]

you could fill whole posts with your feelings about Ume, you say? why don't you prove it? 👀💖

Em, sweet pumpkin spice latte, i have a reputation (i dont actually) so it's going under the cut because no one should actually have to hear me scream about him for 10 years PLEASE if anyone here thinks im cool dont read this i wanna keep my nonexistent street cred

This is my second time writing about him so im sure its consolidated a bit which is preferred cause earlier it was like,,,,, ten paragraphs more than it is now

lets start with my favorite manga panel of him that i keep so safe and close to my heart because look! he broke the wall and his arm hangs over the panel and i looove it Satoru nii i can tell you were gonna make him the mc but im sooo glad you didnt because i love himmmm. though sometimes he reminds me of myself when i was younger way too much but this aint about him. ANYWAYS I FORGOT I DONT THINK ANY OTHER PANEL DOES THAT? its and important panel TO ME

When i first saw him with his hair down? instant heart eyes jesus christ ive never drooled over someone so hard which must be why my post with the most notes is me gushing about his hair. Ive always had a thing for hair tho im just a weirdo. Don't even get me started on the reading glasses!!!! i could just scream.

Also ive always had a thing for big guys esp gentle ones and once i learned more about him it was like bullseye bullseye bullseye- with how boxes he ticked but i just wanna climb him and maybe fight him for real but also fight him with my mouth. I wanna take care of him soooooo bad its not even funny. Like i know he's a big caretaker but i wanna pamper him i want that boy loves and cherished ill fight chika for him rn baby you dont have to lift a finger just sit over there right now.

Just heard a country song on the radio called must be doin something right by billy currington or whatever his last name is and went "i could dance with ume to that right now!!!!' also its a really sweet song though i love it.

Also he's hates needles...i hate needles.. we can take turns holding each other's hands for bloodwork and shots!!!

I started writing mainly for him and it was like....a "im not seeing enough content/the content i want" for this character so i put my pants on and did it myself. PRetty much my whole life i didnt like writing but now i do it semi-regularly and im pretty proud of that actually because ive begun to enjoy it? It probably helps that everyone's so sweet and the atmosphere is so chill but also nice and crazy and cool??? I dont have a lot of friends so im sooo soo thrilled to be able to gush with people its not even funny though sometimes im like "Girl you gotta be cooler than this you're not acting chill AT ALL calm down" so anyways i love him but i act like i really cant stand him he makes me so mad im furious at his existence

The scariest thing in the world to me is physically having kids? Like ive had nightmares about it i just dontttt wanna and i can tell he wouldnt push that like he'd be thrilled to adopt too it wouldnt matter but i think i would literally have his kids which is wild!!

Also? when i made that kissing picrew i actually flustered myself and that was crazy too because i don't fluster easy with boys at all but i physically turned red giggling kicking my feet about it every time i looked at it lmaoo you should see how red i get its baaaad im down baaaad

anyways ive alreasdy written too much have some more ume pics

[killerandhealerqueen]

2. a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

3. how you feel about your current WIP

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

7. your preferred writing fonts

10. what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

9. start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

13. a fandom you’re thinking about writing for

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

20. in what year did you publish your first fic?

26. are you able to write with other people around?

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

17. talk about your writing and editing process

16. favorite place to write

💖💖💖💖💖

Jaz my beloved, hello!

2. a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

I normally write from an "omniscient" view point, so I don't really use like "character povs"

3. how you feel about your current WIP

Currently I'm working on my rewrite and I forgot how much I loved working on it. We are on ep. 27 though, which means we're getting to the mental hospital scene soon so that'll be fun. But I forgot how much fun it is to write it as well as liveblog/rewatch. God I love this stupid drama so damn much

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

The only unpublished wip I have rn has a lot of dialogue and not so much paragraphs...but this is the closest "paragraph" I could find

         “You’re right, I’m not” he agreed, just as Chen Yuzhi tripped over a rock and fell, causing him to cry out in pain before he rolled over to see the wolf coming straight towards him, its teeth barred. 

7. your preferred writing fonts

For headcanons, Times New Roman, size 12, for actual fic writing Helvetica size 11

9. start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

Hmm...last fic I posted (not updated cuz updated was 恨君不似江楼月 | Killer and Healer) was Second Chances. That fic, from start to finish...took me about...maybe 3-5 days?

10. what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

Hmmm...good question. Maybe a few days...but it's very rare, unless a fic is fighting with me too much. I mainly work on the draft until it's done and then I post it (but I of course go over it one more time before I actually post, just to make sure I didn't misspell or forgot a word or something)

13. a fandom you’re thinking about writing for

Currently really only writing for CSI: Miami (trying to finish my multi-chapter fic, we're almost done), Killer and Healer, and S.C.I. I do have one more fic to post for White Cat Legend but other than that...I'm not really planning on writing for any new fandoms

16. favorite place to write

Either in my armchair by the window or in my bed. I can control the noise at home, so it makes it easy, and I don't have to worry about people trying to read my laptop screen

17. talk about your writing and editing process

Oof...there's not much to talk about. I get the idea, let it ruminate in my head, kind of start seeing scenes play out in my head/in dreams and then I just sort of...write. I've stopped trying to outline stuff because that just seems to fuck with my flow, so we don't do that anymore. But anyways, I just write until I'm content/I've told the story I want to tell, I'll bring up the "post a new work" page on ao3, type out all the necessary information, past the fic into the box, then copy and paste it into my notes app (cuz sometimes the formating from copying it from word to ao3 fucks up my indents) and then do a quick re-read/edit if I miss stuff and then I post. The only time I'll ever send a fic to someone (aka @ahhhnorealnamesallowed) is when I need a second pair of eyes/I'm sick of the fic but other than that...that's kinda how my process works

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

Oh, if you've read my fics you know that I research a lot of stuff for anything regarding my case fics, but I think the most interesting one is for my fic Violence Is Never the Answer...Except When It Is where I researched step by step instructions on how to clean a katana. There's never a dull moment in my fics, I promise you that, but that one was probably really interesting...and really in-depth

20. in what year did you publish your first fic?

Lord...like 2012? It was a fic that I wrote for a Kakavege fanart that I saw on Deviantart. I loved it and then messaged the artist if I could write a fic for it. They said yes and even linked it to their art. My deviantart account has since been deleted but that was definitely my first like true fanfic

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

I have no idea how to describe my writing...other than maybe out there, fantastical, exciting?

Idk Jaz, how would you describe my writing?

26. are you able to write with other people around?

Oh yeah, as long as they don't ask what I'm working on nor do they look at my laptop

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

Now...we all know that I'm very proud of 恨君不似江楼月 | Killer and Healer (and really, I should be) but I'm also really proud of For All Eternity because I flipped what I normally would do for Jiang Yuelou and Chen Yuzhi when writing xianxias/wuxias (I made Jiang Yuelou the immortal this time while Chen Yuzhi is the demon instead of the other way around) and yet I STILL kept them true to their personalities. So...yeah. I'm really happy with that fic and I hope more people read it because it's good (it's also inspired by Chinese Paladin 4 which was Mao's latest drama and my god was he gorgeous in that drama. He was also my favorite character but no one is surprised by this at all)

more fic writer asks | send me asks

[sabraeal]

If the Mind Is Willing, Chapter 3

[Read on AO3]

Part three of 500 Follower prizes @bubblesthemonsterartist​ earned herself years ago! Only two more and I will have fulfilled all those fics...probably just in time to have a 1K follower raffle

Blue light washes her pink sheets pale, until it’s impossible to tell when cotton ends and her skin begins. The shadows pull longer in its glow, turning her own nearly skeletal as she reaches out a finger, hovering over the link.

“U-J-Kyo?” Chizuru’s mouth wraps around each letter, the sound of them tumbling softly into the muted glow. “But that’s just...?”

The university’s homepage. And her laptop’s, technically, now that Yamazaki helped her set it. Not something she’d normally associate with Souji’s interests, not unless he’s started some new hostilities with the provost’s office again. Their last open letter hung on the fridge until just before Thanksgiving, the second paragraph asking for “certain individuals in the student body“ to “show more conduct becoming of an undergraduate of a prestigious institution” highlighted proudly in lime green.

Dean Kondo dropped by the house only a few days later-- for a friendly visit, he’d said, smile as warm as she remembered. He’d stayed for dinner, complimenting the soup she’d made from their leftovers, and then talked with Souji out on the porch until the swing’s chains started to creak. The letter disappeared the next morning, unremarked, though Souji kept glowering at the bare metal every time he passed through the kitchen.

Chizuru swipes tentatively at the screen, messaging app blooming beneath her finger. The link’s innocuous, known, but Souji has a gift for slipping a sting into any handshake. And if he’s calling it a gift, well--

[ToudouDomination] omg holy shit dude nice knowing u hijikatas gonna kill u 4 sure 💀💀

Professor Hijikata’s taught her enough about Trojans to take that kind of present at face value.

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] *skullfuck u mean skullfuck ull b the most beautiful corpse at ur funeral bro

Her lips press tight, clinging to each other as close as the rubber case to her phone. If everyone’s acting like this about it, it’s better that she doesn’t look.

[ToudouDomination] MY funeral???!! what’s this got to do with me??!!

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] nah man im not talking ab YOU im talking ab dead man walking over here

She’d regret it if she did, probably.

[Dr 💖💋🤭] jfc I’ll say somethign nice at you’re disciplinery hearing

[ToudouDomination] Me??

[Dr 💖💋🤭] No one’s talking about you Heisuke

It’s an accident, really. Her thumb skims up the side of the screen-- scrolling past the sudden influx of skull and fire emojis the boys heave into the chat-- and the pad of it just barely brushes the link. It flashes under the pressure, blue then purple, selected, and well...

There’s no harm in just letting it happen, is there? It’s only the university homepage, nothing--

Ah. That’s what it should be at least. But instead of the azure and white, there’s text curling across the screen, a half dozen different hand-written poems in blue bic and college rule, tiled across every inch of the background. There’s coffee stains on them too, some in the corner, and some in rings, like they were more used to being coasters than literature. And in the center of it all--

“Oh.” She blinks, tilting her screen to get a better view. “A video?”

Hogyoku Open Mic, it reads at one corner, reflection on water. A strange choice for Souji; he’s never mentioned an interest in poetry, let alone live readings. Frowning, Chizuru tilts her phone, letting the video fill the screen.

It plays, and oh, several things become clear, all at once.

“My heart is pure,” the man on screen promises, words raking over the gravel of his voice-- how little of it there is marks his age more than the lack of lines on his face-- but Chizuru’s isn’t, not when she can’t do much more than stare, fingers numb around the rubber case. “I use my palm as an inkstone.”

The camera pans closer, and yes, above that black dress shirt-- open to its third button, oh goodness gracious-- is Hijikata. Not the one she knows now, the grizzled professor who kicks his feet up on the desk and uses profanity as punctuation, but--

But a much younger man, not much older than her, considering the last little bastions of baby fat clinging to his cheekbones.

[Dr 💖💋🤭] This muts be a hundred pakcs of cigs ago

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] 💯

[ToudouDomination] do moths feel desire or is that like a poetic thing he talks about rain a lot too whats that all ab

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] its a sex thing

[Dr 💖💋🤭] Shin don’t tell the baby taht

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] hes a growing boy he has to learn sometime better he hears it from us hijikata fucks 🍑🍆🍑

[Saito.Hajime] Can I please be removed from this group? Also, congratulations, Souji, on finding a new, creative way to die

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] no way if we all have to think think about hijikata fucking u have to suffer too

[Saito.Hajime] I am not certain I care for that logic

[Dr 💖💋🤭] Too bad, bud. Your stukc with us

[✨💯GAINS💪💪✨] yeah bro u signed the housing contract ur here til death comes for u or like u move out or smthn

Chizuru means to stop the video, really she does. It’s not something Hijikata would want them to see-- at least, she assumes so, considering the way he flushes every time Souji brings up his graduate school slam jams, threatening to expel him if he doesn’t ‘shut his damn mouth.’

But the one on the screen smiles as he finishes his set, smouldering out past the stage lights, and she-- she expects snapping, some cool cats with shades and berets nodding their heads to his truth or whatever mood this is supposed to give. A respectful silence, one that gives space to the idea he’s introduced to the space, but instead--

Instead there’s screams. A full audience of women-- and a few particularly enthusiastic men-- loudly voicing their appreciation for what she’s hoping is the poetry.

Ah, maybe Shinpachi is right. It is a sex thing. And she’s watched a full ten minutes of it.

Hijikata can never know. Or worse--

[Susumu Yamazaki] Take this down. Now.

[( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)] eat my ass

Her heart ricochets around her rib cage, panicked, before it lodges itself in her throat. It flutters there, queasily, and-- and there’s no way he could possibly know, but still, guilt seizes her. She shouldn’t have looked, not once she knew. She should have been the first to say it was wrong. Helpers can only help when they know there is a problem, that’s what Father would have said. If you cannot perceive it then you are part of it.

She could say something now. Her hand squeezes tight around the case. No, she should say something now. She has to, because father will ask. She’ll tell him about this frantic midnight showdown, and he’ll say, and what did you say?

And if it is nothing...

[Susumu Yamazaki] Take it down now. Or I will get university IT involved.

[( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)] you don’t have the fucking balls

[Susumu Yamazaki] Try me.

Even with her eyes closed, her failure is inescapable. The words flash behind her eyelids, no longer composed of ones and zeros but scrawled in neon lights instead, reminding her that if she were better she could have fixed this. That if she were good enough, she could have found the magic phrase to get them all to get along. But instead...

Silence, that’s what he’ll give her. A long pause where all his expectations weigh on her, piling on her chest like boulders on a criminal. A cluck of his tongue, and a soft, I thought I raised you better. Any moment now, her phone will ring, and Father will know what a disappointment she is because--

It’s Christmas. Just about everywhere but Hawaii. A couple other islands in the Pacific too, if she’s being fair. It’s Christmas, and he’s supposed to call because that’s the way it’s always been: her staying up late not to catch Santa and his Reindeer but Father emerging from his office. It’s her that would tromp down the hall with all the grace of an elephant, to fling her arms around him and yelp, Merry Christmas!

And it was him who had to be stern, who must put her back down on the carpet and scold her for being out of bed. Who has to wait until she’s nearly shut her door to stop her, to call out, Merry Christmas, Chizuru.

It’s supposed to be her first. The one given moments after midnight, the most real, and-- and--

And she’s spent the whole day waiting for an empty office.

There’s a part of her, one that’s still too short to reach the microwave and can’t bear the kindness next door, that thinks she missed it. That there’s some dead zone in the house that she unwittingly lingered in, or a notification that her phone somehow swallowed whole. That it’s her fault she never presented herself to be loved.

But there’s another part, one that’s growing every day, and that one--

That one’s just tired. 

It’s tired that wins out, in the end.

There’s a weight that drags at her, urging her to stay within the cocoon of her covers, to let the night unfurl across her screen, each blow reported in black and white right before her eyes. A passive observer, an active disappointment, but most importantly: unmoving.

Even still, she gets up, throwing the cloud of her comforter back so that she can slide out from underneath it. Her heels hit the floor with a force that chatters her teeth; or maybe that’s just the chill of the air now that her body heat is no longer trapped up against her skin.

Her phone settles on the nightstand, cozening up to the lamp, and for a long moment, she thinks about turning it on. Every muscle complains as she peels her day clothes off and exchanges them for pajamas, her eyes straining to make out what’s a hole and what’s just dead air, and yet--

Yet it’s easier than facing herself.

The same weight drops her back onto the mattress, an anchor sinking into the endless depths of open water. She isn’t sure when she’ll hit bottom, but staring at the blank screen beside her feels entirely too close to it.

It’s with a trembling finger that she guides the volume from full to vibrate. Even that makes her heart race, makes her wonder if she’s just punishing Father for having priorities besides a fully adult daughter, the same one who had so happily told him she would support his sabbatical wherever it took him. What if he needs to get a hold of her? If there’s an emergency on Borneo or San Cistobal or whatever island his research took him? Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just keep it on a little, just in case--

Her fingers flex. She deserves to sleep tonight, what little of it there is left. And if this is on...

Vibrate changes to mute. The phone flips over, screen pressed against the wood.

“Good night, Daddy.” She gives the case one last, small tap. “Merry Christmas.”

“Hey, jailbait.” Something warm nudges her shoulder, not gently. Chizuru has the space of exactly one breath to wonder what, before the same something grips both and shakes. “Get up!”

“Haah?” Her hands flail out, but whatever’s gotten hold of her slithers out of her grip, retreating past her arm’s reach. “What...?”

It’s bright when her eyes peel open, the sun already seeping through the curtain even though it can’t be more than--

“Class!” Her limbs fly out, wild as she tries to turn over, tangled up in the tight embrace of her covers. “I’m late for--”

“Hold up a slice, shortcake.” Souji looms over her, tall enough that his knees barely brush the bed to do it. “No classes today.”

“No...?” It’s not as if she has anything to say, brain moving at a snail’s pace that it is, but her mouth keeps moving anyway, as if just working her jaw might help get the gears moving. Which it does, oddly enough, reminding her it’s not a weekend but a holiday, and not just any holiday but Christmas, and--

And Father never called. Unless it came in the night, after she’d put herself to bed. After she’d not only turned off the ringtone but vibrate too, leaving him no chance to hear her voice, forcing any attempts for him to contact her straight to voicemail, like she didn’t even care--

“Hey.” Souji knees the mattress, jolting her outstretched elbow right into the corner of the nightstand. “Get up already.”

Painful tingles race up her arm, bouncing from elbow to shoulder and back and, oh, why is it called the funny bone when it’s not funny at all? “Souji, why are you--?”

A bleary blink turns the blurred numbers on her clock to something like sense.

“Oh!” She bolts upright on the mattress, sending Souji skittering back a step. No wonder he’s deigned to scratch at her door; Harada might be the oldest, but of the three of them, Chizuru’s the only one that can be trusted with the stove. “It’s late! Are you hungry?”

“No.” This close, it’s easy to see that furrow flash between his brows, the quick reassessment of his opinion. “Well, yeah. But that’s not what I want right now.”

This early, her brain’s as bleary as her vision, but it won’t clear no matter how much she blinks. “Then what...?”

He heaves a sigh; her only warning before long fingers clamp around her wrist, cold as iron. “Just come with me already.”

It’s a feat to get untangled from her blankets; there’s a knit one sandwiched between the top sheet and the comforter, plus another for more weight-- and heat, since she shares her thermostat with Shinpachi and Harada, whose bodies both run at a temperature verging on medically alarming if they think sixty-five degrees is comfortable. It’s harder still with Souji yanking at her the whole time; she’s not certain whether he does it because he’s impatient or because her struggling amuses him. Possibly both, knowing Souji.

Impatience, however, wins out. One foot wins free, planting itself on the bedside braided rug, and he snaps, “Hurry up. We don’t have all day.”

She’d love to, if only the comforter hadn’t swallowed her up to the ankle, cinching tight when she tries to pry it apart. “Ah, I know! Just give me one--”

Unless she’d meant to say second-- which she hadn’t, not at all-- Souji doesn’t give it to her. Instead he tugs, and she stumbles off the mattress, dragging half the blankets with her. “Good,” he huffs, barely glancing back. “Let’s go.”

“Wait!” Souji has a terrible habit of making things worse the longer he’s made to wait, but she digs in her heels anyway. Or, well, the one that isn’t still trapped in Poly-Fil. “Can I at least put on my robe?”

“Why? It’s not like there’s anyone to see your cute little Christmas--” he squints “--raccoons?”

“Tanuki.” She smooths her hand over the fabric, one of their round faces peeking playfully out from between her fingers. “They’re just so fluffy.”

Souji stares at her, stone-faced and silent, and-- and it’s longer than that his teasing typically takes. “Right,” he says, stilted. “Whatever. Just hurry it up, Sleeping Beauty.”

Chizuru is keenly conscious of every second Souji suffers her, all-too aware of how impossible it is to win a race against the limits of his patience, but she’s determined to make the most of what she’s given. It’s hopeless to aspire to Hajime’s cool efficiency, but she tries, keeping her movements sharp and purposeful, as if putting on her robe required the same sweeping grace as his kata, and yet--

Yet she barely cinches the knot tight before he’s grabbed her again. “C’mon, princess. We’ve got things to do.”

It’s a struggle just to keep her feet beneath her, but she manages a very eloquent. “Huh?”

His mouth quirks, too pleased, as he tugs and she stumbles, bare feet barely braced against the jamb. “People to piss off.”

Ah, well that’s hardly promising.

When all is said and done, he doesn’t drag her far. A cold comfort, considering.

“This is Hajime’s room,” she informs him. His grin assures her he already knows. “And, Ya-- ah, I mean, Su-- uh, um. S-susu...?”

The name’s foreign in her mouth, tongue stumbling and stuttering around it, and it’s-- it’s just odd not to use it, when she’s so used to Souji and Hajime and Heisuke and Shinpachi and even Sano, if it feels safe to say, instead of intimate. As if she’s letting all the rest of them close while keeping him at arm’s length.

Which isn’t true. But still, she can’t bring herself to say Yamazaki’s first name so casually, not when even Heisuke, who barely lasted three hours before asking if she was cool with nicknames, hasn’t managed it. With the syllables rolling around in her mouth, it’s almost...

Illicit. That’s it. “Is there a reason you need me here?”

Souji’s mouth curls, so satisfied she’s surprised she can’t see feathers between his teeth. “Yes, definitely.”

“But they went home for the holidays.” She frowns. “Did you need something in there? I’m pretty sure it’s--”

His leg kicks back, and with one smooth swing, he completely bypasses the need for a doorknob, the open door shivering from the force.

“-- locked,” she finishes faintly. “Oh my.”

One hand catches the door, long fingers splayed across the grain. “After you, jailbait.”

She nearly balks-- it’s not as if it’s his room; he hardly has the right to invite her-- but the door swings open, and she--

She’s never seen this before. Yamazaki’s room. Or Hajime’s, of course. A tour down the hallway would be enough to get a glimpse into any of the other rooms; Heisuke hadn’t even waited a day to drag her into his, pointing out all his favorite posters. Harada and Shinpachi took a few weeks longer, though she’d spent most of that visit with her hands clapped over her eyes. Even Souji tolerated her shuffling a step over the threshold, even if it was only to ask for him to help her reach one of the taller cabinets. But Yamazaki and Hajime...

Their door has always been carefully shut, not even the slightest gap for a peek. An easy habit to explain away; the both of them value privacy over accessibility, choosing to socialize in the common areas of the house rather than in their room, but still--

It’s almost surprising how normal it is. Not that Chizuru expected it to be wallpapered floor to ceiling with centerfolds, like Harada and Shinpachi’s room, or crowded with collectibles like Heisuke’s, but maybe white walls and stark sheets, monochrome and neat as a pin. The sort of room that would seem unoccupied, if it wasn’t for the monitors on the desks. Sterile.

Instead there’s posters. Not crowding the walls, so close that the corners overlap, but there’s personality, if not chaos. Enough to know that the boy who sleeps under the navy comforter likes movies with kimonos and swords or computers from the 80s, and that charcoal comforter likes wuxia and vintage medical diagrams. And books too, if the stack teetering on his bedside table is any indication.

Chizuru shuffles a step further into the room. It would be rude to rummage, but surely-- surely it wouldn’t hurt if she just read the titles. If she just stooped down the tiniest bit and--

And tripped over Souji, shoulder-deep beneath Yamazaki’s mattress. “W-what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he grunts, annoyed. “A guy that uptight’s got to be hiding something. And not just the normal stuff. The kind of something that’s gotta be top shelf fucked up.”

She blinks. “Huh?”

“Oh come on, you know what I mean. Whips and chains.” He drags his arm out with a huff. “Autoerotic asphyxiation. Snuff tapes.” Souji reaches up, flipping over his pillows. “Yiffing. Who could say what a small-dicked little turd like him is into?”

Half those words are unrecognizable, and so it’s not until he’s on his feet, poking through desk drawers that Chizuru realizes, “You mean you’re looking for...for...” Her mouth works, cheeks painfully hot as she manages, “Girlie magazines?”

His fingers still, pressed into a sheaf of glossy page edges. “I’m trying to find porn, Chizuru. That’s what we call it this century.”

The book shuts with a snap, joining its friends on the shelf, and when he reaches for another, she blurts out, “Don’t people just watch that online now?”

Souji laughs, not kind, but abandons the bookshelf. “And everyone thinks you’re so innocent, huh, princess?”

Her hands clap to her cheeks. Ah, she hadn’t realized it could be painful to blush. “I, um...only, ah--” Souji flings open the closet “--I don’t think you should really be--!”

“Jackpot.” The hangers rattle as he slips something off the rack; with only the sunlight eking in around the blinds to light the room, it’s hard to see just what. “What do you think? Would it look good on me?”

The fabric’s black, limp and shapeless on its hanger, utterly unrecognizable. “I don’t...?”

“Nah, no way I could fit into that shrimp’s costumes.” The light might be dim, but Souji’s teeth practically glow when he says, “But you could, half pint. C’mon, get over here.”

She doesn’t have much of a choice, not when he grabs her wrist and yanks. “I don’t understand,” she murmurs, watching him separate a smaller piece from the whole, more uncomfortable by the second. “Why did you need me when you were only going to..um...?”

Steal seems a little strong for the moment. Scrounge falls a little short.

“Ahhh, see, kid, last night I left a little gift for the whole student body. Right on the main page, where everyone could appreciate it.” He steps entirely too close, the warmth of his body filling the space between them. “And our favorite little ass-kisser didn’t appreciate it.”

The scrap slips over her head, cool and smooth where it settles around her neck. “So he took it down. Or got some of his nerd friends to do it. Either way...” Souji shrugs. “It’s rude to give back a gift, isn’t it?”

His wrist twists, the cloth pulling tight against her skin. Tight enough that only a twitch guides her into a nod. “See? That’s what I thought too. Kid needs to learn a thing or two about manners. So that’s what I’m doing.” Souji grins, the fabric loosening as he lets it slip from his fingers. “Teaching him a lesson.”

“B-but...” Her focus stumbles as he steps closer, threading his hand beneath the few inches of her hair that don’t clear the fabric and pulling them free. “I don’t see what that has to do with me.”

“It’s cute that you don’t know.” His smile could cut when he slips the cloth right up over her nose. “This is a hostage situation, jailbait, and you’re going to read from the script. Now look over here.”

She does, blinking right up into the blinding light of flash photography as his arm squeezes her close. “What...?”

“Perfect.” Souji’s lips slant to a smirk, phone pinched delicately between his fingers. “Now I just need to post this in--”

The lights flick on. Neither of them are near the switch.

But Hajime is.

“Just what,” he says, brows drawn down like a storm, “do you think you’re doing in here?”

There have only been three house meetings since Chizuru showed up on their doorstep, hair shorn and all her earthly possessions split between a backpack and a trash bag: the first, called by the professor, to announce that that there would be a new roommate; the second, to decide how exactly to handle the fact that Chizuru wasn’t a boy’s name, nor was she; and the third, well...

I’m not complaining that you invite girls back, Sano, Shinpachi had said, with all the gravitas of a judge, but you can’t let them wander around. She went through our trash, dude!

But this-- it’s different. Not just because of the Christmas lights, festively twinkling through their cycle, or Shinpachi’s sweater blinking through its own.

It’s that they’re all here, Christmas afternoon-- evening really, with how early the sun sets these days-- holidays cut short. Chizuru might not have anyone to spent Christmas with, but Shinpachi did, and Heisuke, and Yamazaki--

And instead they’re all here. Because of her. Not a single one of them is smiling.

It’s too much.

“I’m so sorry!” The words burst out of her, rushed, but it’s important to get them out before anyone else can speak, before they think she’s only sorry because she got caught. “I really didn’t mean to go in! I just...Souji said...”

“Narc.” It’s muffled in his shoulder, just loud enough for her to hear. And maybe others, the way Yamazaki’s brow twitches across the table.

“Chizu, Chizu. Come on.” Shinpachi holds up his hands, as if a half-hearted sweep like that could clear the slate of her worries.. “No one here thinks this is your fault.”

It’s kind of him to say, but that’s...impossible. Not when she’s so clearly transgressed. “I went into Y-Yamazaki and Hajime’s room without permission. That’s against the--”

“No, Yukimura, that’s not--” Yamazaki’s teeth clack down, hard.  “I don’t mind if it’s you. Ah, I mean--” his ears flush the same angry pink that licks up the column of his neck “--it’s, er, different.”

“You are respectful of other people’s personal belongings,” Hajime clarifies. “There is no issue with you in our private space. Souji, however...”

“Oh, come on.” Souji kicks his feet up on the coffee table, baring every hole in the bottom of them. “It’s not like I broke anything.”

Yamazaki’s eyes hone onto him-- or rather, the parts of him only inches from Harada’s iced mocha, so close a flex of a toe could touch the coaster. “Right, you only stole something. Not like that’s a big deal.”

“Stole? Like I want--” with a sweep of his palm, Yamazaki clears the surface of appendages, so precise it doesn’t even disrupt the condensation on the cup “--hey!”

He doesn’t smile, but when Yamazaki glances up at the couch, his satisfaction shines just as bright as one.

“Souji.”

Hajime is not like Shinpachi, using his outdoor voice in every room no matter how small, or Heisuke, unable to control his volume once a conversation gets interesting. He’s soft spoken, serious; the sort of person other people lean in to hear, rather than ask him to speak up.

But today, he pitches his voice to be heard. “You cannot enter someone’s assigned private room without express permission.” With even graver inflection, he adds “It is against the rules put forth in the Signed Housing Agreement.”

Souji snorts, sinking further into the couch cushions. “No one pays attention to that crap.”

Air hisses between Yamazaki’s teeth. “That’s--”

“If I am not allowed to leave the group chat unless a member of the house boots me for a pre-agreed upon duration,” Hajime says, mouth pulling thin, “then you are also not allowed in my room.”

His glare is hardly aimed at her, but it comes close enough that she flinches. Souji doesn’t, refusing to acknowledge it that same way a cat declined to be caught on a curtain, as if reality was simply an opinion he did or did not hold. “I didn’t even touch your stuff. I don’t know why you’re trying to--”

“You did touch Yamazaki’s stuff, though.” Harada shifts in his chair, the vee of his sweater dipping deep enough to bare cleavage. It might be distracting, if it wasn’t already a relief that he was wearing all his clothes. “Which is against the rules.”

“Yeah, that’s fucked up, right?” Shinpachi cracks open a tall boy, cold enough that the beer fizzes out, threatening to drip right across the festive moose on his chest; HORNY AND WELL HUNG according to the words knit into his sweater. “There’s no locks on the doors, man. We’ve all got to trust each other.”

Chizuru blinks. “But I have a lock.”

He pauses, mid-sip. “Well, I guess that makes sense. You’re a girl, after all. Can’t have a girl be alone with a bunch of guys if there no--”

“My room also has a lock.” Hajime frowns, considering the socks Souji’s just returned to the table. “Hardly a good one, if Souji was able to bypass it with just his foot, but...”

“Me too,” Heisuke chimes in. “I just don’t really use it.”

“Wait, what?” Shinpachi swivels between them, lost. “Are me and Sano the only ones who don’t--?”

“I think the best course of action is to inform Professor Hijikata about the infraction.” Kneeling on the carpet next to Shinpachi’s luggage, Yamazaki’s hardly an authority figure, but when he raises his voice the room fritters to silence. “I’m sure he can take it from there.”

Harada hums, unconvinced. “I don’t know about that. Souji’s already got two strikes against him. If we report another one, I’m pretty sure Hijikata’s going to toss him out.”

They might be more suggestions than eyebrows, but still, it makes an impression when Yamazaki furrows them.  “I don’t see why that’s any of my concern.”

“Aw, c’mon, Yamazaki.” They all might tease her about her pleading eyes, but it’s Heisuke that uses them now, as compelling as any puppy in a pet store window. “You know Souji doesn’t have anywhere else to go. You wouldn’t throw him out in the cold just like that, would you?”

His mouth pinches, bracing the way the rest of him is, squared off and utterly implacable. “Souji is a grown man who can make his own decisions. If those decisions lead to him getting tossed out, that hardly has anything to do with me.”

Souji snorts. “None of the people who complained are even here anymore.”

Yamazaki whips around, eyes so cold they could turn any other man to ice. Souji just smirks. “Yes, because of you.”

“Well, I don’t know...” Heisuke hums, thoughtful. “Ryu left because of that art program. You know, the one that had the scholarship.”

“Only after Okita shoved him off--!”

“Oh, c’mon.” Souji’s shoulder twitch, barely summoning up the energy for a full shrug. “That’s all water under the bridge.”

Yamazaki surges to his feet; only Harada’s hand, keeping him from jumping the table too. “You broke his wrist in three places! The only reason he didn’t press charges was because his foster father is somehow an even bigger asshole than you!”

Souji picks his grins the same way a chef picks his knives from the block: with the intention to cut. “No hard feelings.”

“Hard feelings?” Yamazaki chokes out. “You think this is about hard feelings? When Itou left, he--”

“Itou was a prick.”

Hajime doesn’t so much sigh as hum, raspy and dubious. “That doesn’t mean that what you did was right, Souji.”

His eyes narrow, annoyed. “Don’t pretend you miss him running around the place, acting better than everyone.”

“No, no. He’s got a point.” The easy chair grunts as Shinpachi shifts his weight back, crossing his legs ankle to knee. “They both do. You know I don’t want to kick you out, man, but you’ve got a bad habit of taking stuff way past funny right into, well...”

“An actionable offense?” Harada offers, wry.

A blunt nail taps at his can, uncomfortable. “Yeah, that. It’s not good, bro.”

Something happens with Souji’s mouth. A lot of somethings, actually; subtle ones, hidden in the corners and tucked into the cheeks, the sort that happen between one blink and the next. Missable, save for the fact that Chizuru never looks away.

There’s a jut of his lip first, not a pout but its more serious cousin, the kind that’s like a levee to a deluge: one tremble away from a flood. A scowl next, never quite reaching his eyes; good practice for the smile that follows, curving into a smirk the way steel takes an edge: like it’s meant for it.

“All right, all right.” His hands raise up, too lax for a peace offering. It might stand in for a concession, if she tilted her head and squinted, but only a little. “So you’re all mad at me or whatever.”

“For good reason.” It’s a strong stance for Harada; he’s usually the one who’s quick to compromise, so long as it keeps everyone civil.

“Sure, right.” Souji shrugs, unconcerned. “I get it. But consider--” fabric whips out from behind a pillow, matte and black-- “this.”

Chizuru blinks. “Wasn’t that in...?”

Yamazaki’s closet, she doesn’t say. Not when he shakes it out, turning it from cloth to clothing, a whole jumpsuit with fussy embroidery picked out in an even darker black.

“What’s that?” Shinpachi scoots to the edge of his chair, squinting. He must not have his contacts in. “Some sort of ninja costume?”

She knows better than to turn, to draw attention to the statue suddenly sitting across the table, but Chizuru can’t help it, not when Souji is so quick to say, “It is.” There’s enough relish in his tone that she can taste it. “And it’s Yamazaki’s.”

There’s a pause-- for effect, she’s sure, considering the way Souji grins. Like he’s pulled off some magic trick, making his troubles disappear in one hand and then plucking them out from behind Yamazaki’s ear.

“So?” Harada snorts, unimpressed. “Are you surprised? He’s been a ninja for Halloween like, what? Three years running? Since I’ve been here at least. What next? Gonna pull a sexy firefighter out of Shin’s closet?”

“Hey!” A hand presses right over WELL, leaving HORNY and HUNG peeking out from underneath it. “I’ve branched out! This year I was a sexy soldier.”

“How can you tell?” Heisuke mutters, hunched shoulders making his chest even narrower, more concave. “You’re only wearing like half a costume.”

“We’re not talking about Nagakura.” With all the subtlety of a bomb, Souji drops, “We’re talking about Mr Kiss-Ass and how he has like, five of these tucked away for a rainy day.”

It’s been three months since Chizuru managed to insinuate herself into the house, but not once has it been quiet. Even in the night there’s something: Shinpachi snoring, Harada’s flings trying to find the front door, Heisuke up entirely too late typing up papers or-- more likely-- playing video games. Something. But now--

Now it’s a ringing silence that’s left in Souji’s wake, an awkward air that has every shoulder stiff, every eye finding somewhere else to look besides the place where Yamazaki sits, still as a stone.

Or at least, until Hajime slides forward, dexterous fingers smoothing over the raised stitches of the sleeve. “Oh,” he hums, impressed. “Your skills have really improved since your last attempt. I take it this is for next weekend?”

“Ah...” He swallows, loud enough that even Chizuru can hear. “Y-yeah. The new kunai were too heavy for the belt, so I thought if I remade that, I might as well add a few more quality of life adjustments, and, er...”

“Oh my god,” Heisuke breathes, quivering like a corgi at the end of his leash. “Are you a real ninja?”

A broad hand cuffs him on the back of his head. “C’mon,” Harada mutters. “What the hell’s wrong with you?”

If Yamazaki’s ears were painted pink before, they’re crimson now, hot enough to burn from touch alone. The square of his shoulders deflates, rounding with the slow leak of his confidence, but--

But Hajime simply nods, stroking his chin. “Perhaps I should look at my own as well. It hardly feels adequate next to all the work you’ve done.”

“Is this like...a sex thing?” Shinpachi’s eyes dart between the two of them. “It’s a sex thing, right?”

“No,” Yamazaki says, stern, immediately undermined by Hajime’s, “A little.”

It’s with a hefty heaping of betrayal that Yamazaki turns to him, glaring as he grounds out, “Absolutely not.”

Hajime’s mouth gives a dubious twist, and he opens it, perhaps to gainsay him, but--

But there’s no time, not when Heisuke practically explodes. “Are you a ninja too, Hajime?”

He blinks. “No.”

“Oh.” Heisuke deflates. “Okay, I guess...”

“I’m a samurai.”

“What--” Harada’s voice strains beneath the words “--is going on?”

“So let me get this straight.” Harada’s fingers pinch at the bridge of his nose, but by the wrinkle above them, Chizuru doubts it helps. “You two...dress up as samurai...?”

“I’m the samurai,” Hajime explains, so helpful. “Yamazaki is currently playing as a ninja. As he typically does.”

“You don’t have to tell them that,” he mutters. “That’s not really the point--”

“Right, of course, but...” Harada grimaces. “This is what you do on the weekends? For fun?”

A narrow shoulder lifts under Hajime’s tee, the closest he comes to a shrug. “An afternoon a month, to be more specific.”

“Once a month?” Heisuke asks, wide-eyed. “That doesn’t seem like a lot.”

“It takes a large amount of effort and dedication to keep up a long-form Live Action Roleplaying campaign,” he explains gravely. “That the organizers are able to run so often is a testament to their skill. And to run a weekend event--”

“So you mean you go there the whole weekend?” Heisuke blinks. “Like just forty-eight hours of samurai stuff?”

Hajime’s correction comes the same way as all his interactions: swiftly and without any judgment. “Seventy-two hours.”

Shinpachi goggles. “That’s a lot of fucking hours.”

“It is to aid with immersion.” Hajime isn’t a man of many words, but now he does not so much pause as he does breathe. “Unlike other games of its kind, Legend of the Five Rings does not focus so much on combat as it does internal conflict, and the robust worldbuilding--”

“This isn’t what they’re asking.” Yamazaki’s gaze darts wide-eyed around the table, never daring to stay longer than a blink. “You don’t have to--”

“--Is based on Sengoku Era Japan,” he continues, heedless. “As gratifying as it is to play on a regular basis, it really isn’t until a few hours into any session that people truly come to embody their roles. The court politics alone--”

“Saito.” Yamazaki may be seated at the opposite end of the living room, but his stare is enough to make even Hajime hesitate. “I think they get the idea.”

Harada looks between them, pained. “So are there...scripts or something?”

“No. Yes.” Hajime frowns. “It’s complicated. Each scene is improvised in character, but the organizers are present to facilitate the flow of the story. It is a collaborative effort.”

“But that’s it?” Heisuke asks. “You’re just like...samurai for a day? Or, er, three of them?”

“Yes.”

“And you do this--” Harada’s eyebrows furrow, pained “--for fun?”

Hajime doesn’t answer so much as cock his head, hands outspread as if to say, what else?

“That’s so...so cool!” Heisuke leaps to his feet, practically tripping over the table in his excitement. “Can I go? You guys gotta bring me!”

“What?” Harada blinks at him. “You want to go to this?”

“Uh, yeah?” His hands clench, too excited. “You get to be a samurai, Sano! Who wouldn’t want to?”

“Hey, so.” Shinpachi leans in, face pinched in curiosity. “Is this like...D&D or whatever?”

“In spirit,” Yamazaki creaks out, looking like death warmed over.

He nods. “Right, right. So like...a total sausage fest, or...?”

“The numbers on many tabletop games typically skews toward male,” Hajime explains, “but Live Action Roleplaying draws a higher percentage of female participants. Possibly due to the cosplay aspect.”

Shinpachi grins. “Oh, then count me in too, sensei.”

Harada stares at him. “Who are you?”

“What?” Shinpachi shrugs. “It’s math with babes. What’s not to love?”

“Ah...” Yamazaki waving hands don’t do much to hide his grimace. “I don’t really think this will be as interesting to you as you think...”

“He’s right,” Harada presses. “You may think it’s a good place to pick up women who aren’t afraid of, er, theoretical numbers--”

“They’re not theoretical,” Shinpachi huffs. “They’re real, it’s just the equations used to describe them are--“

“See? Already my eyes have glazed over.”

“I don’t know,” Chizuru hums, pitched just loud enough to be heard. “I think it sounds...fun?”

Yamazaki’s stare fixes on her. “Really?”

Even as a girl, Chizuru had never been one to play dress up, never been one to play pretend-- father didn’t approve, for one. Not when there were more direct benefits to be had from drilling flashcards or reading books. A second, her daydreams were vivid enough she hardly needed to act them out, not when Father was so apt to remind her, princesses don’t have to pass their medical exams.

But Yamazaki is as serious as they come, a TA for the dean of the pre-med department even before graduating. His acceptance to the medical school almost assured, and he finds this worth his time. Enough to have made a costume-- with his own hands!-- and sign up for a whole weekend away from his studies...

“Y-yeah.” She ducks her head, hoping to hide the heat that pricks at her cheeks. “I mean, as long as it wouldn’t be a bother for me to, um...”

“Ah, no! I mean, yes. Never.” Yamazaki shakes himself, pink staining the high arch of his cheekbones. “It’s not a problem.”

“Yeah, Chizu!” An arm clamps around her shoulders, dragging her against Shinpachi’s personal light display. “That’s right! Let’s all go. House field trip!”

Yamazaki’s jaw drops. “I don’t, er, know about that--!”

“Fine.” Harada sighs, getting to his feet. “If Chizuru wants to go. Count me in.”

“That’s the spirit!” Shinpachi claps him on the back, hard enough that even Harada has to cough. “Now, that just leaves...?”

“Uh-uh.” Souji’s arms fold over his chest, forbidding. “No way I’m going to your nerd party.”

“Aw, c’mon.” Shinpachi drops between them on the couch, arm pulling tight. “Think of it as a group bonding experience.”

Souji scowls. “What makes you think I care about bonding with any of you--”

“Well, if you’re going to be that way about it.” He squeezes tight enough to eke a squeak out of him. “Think about it as, ‘if you go we won’t tell Hijikata about you stealing shit.”

Souji glowers. “Fine,” he grumbles, shoving him off. “But I won’t like it!”

Shinpachi’s smile is all knives when he replies, “Wouldn’t expect you to.”

It’s dark when Chizuru stumbles out into the hall; there’d been daylight still when they’d piled into the parlor, but now night clings to the the edges of dusk, only enough light to gild the snow in golden shadow. It might bother her more if it wasn’t such a relief, a respite from having to scrape at the last reserve of her smiles. And so she takes it; one big breath and the muscles around her mouth slump, aching from use.

Any other night, she might worry about one of the boys following out behind her, but she can hear the ruckus shift from the parlor toward the kitchen, wheeled baggage and Shinpachi’s booming voice all tromping toward the back stair. Her day may have happened in fits and starts, but everyone else has been on the move, going from Christmas to short notice travel to fraught house meeting all within the space of hours. There’s no one who’s going to be worried about her.

Which suits her just fine. A few minutes lying face down on her comforter and she’ll be right as rain. Just a breath or two to herself, and--

Someone huffs behind her. Right behind her.

She whips around so fast, she nearly tumbles Yamazaki into the wall with her. Or at least his arm, half outstretched, now just hanging there in the air between them.

“Oh!” There’s no reason for her to shy back, but she does, guiltier with every inch. “Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to--”

“No, no. It’s my fault.” His hands aren’t large, not like Harada or Shinpachi, but the fingers are long and tapered, digging runnels through the shaggy bristle of his hair. “I should have-- ah, I mean, I just saw you, and er, wanted to make sure that you were all right. After, ah...all that.”

Her first instinct urges her to laugh, to let her nerves giggle out, there’s no need to worry about me--

But Yamazaki stares at her with the same careful intensity as he had in the kitchen-- you’re worth a good meal-- and Chizuru tries deflection instead. “I’m the one who should be asking you that! I went into your room without any permission and all, and Souji--” Yamazaki grimaces at the name “---I just...you have every right to be mad at me!”

“You?” he echoes, incredulous. “It’s not your fault, Yukimura. Okita’s the one who dragged you in there.”

She shakes her head. “I could have chosen to leave any time. I just was too curious to think to question him.”

“Curious?” There’s no inflection to the word, and with the shadows making a muddle of his expressions, there’s only the tilt of his head to tell here there’s a question. “Why would you be curious?”

“Ah, I’d just...never been inside before?” Her palms clap to her cheeks, and oh, she must glow from how hot her cheeks burn. “It’s silly.”

“It’s not! It’s just, ah...unexpected. I...” His mouth opens, as if he might say more, but with a lick of his lips, it closes instead. Or rather, his chin dips down and it follows, gaze dropping from her eyes to somewhere at her neck. As if...

“Oh, did I spill...?” She can’t actually remember what she’s eaten today, whether it could be something that she could walk around wearing, but Yamazaki’s already shaking his head.

“Ah, no, it’s just...you still have...” His fingers curl hesitantly in the air between them. “If you would let me...?”

Every twitching nerve of her stills as he steps close, fingers skimming past her shoulders. Only days ago she’d knotted his scarf, but it feels different now that he’s the one reaching, so close his hand meet behind her neck. He’s not bundled up now, no three layers of wool and thermal and parka to keep her from realizing that he smells nice, like...like something clean with a hint of eucalyptus, and it’s...

It’s a lot.

His fingers knit into the fabric at her nape, too slippery for him to find the end of it by touch. At least, the first time; he gathers it up, hiking it higher and higher until he can slide under it, the flat of his nails smooth and warm against her neck. Her pulse pounds so hard he must feel it, but Yamazaki doesn’t flinch, instead lifting it with surgical precision. The stretchy fabric threads right off her ponytail with no more than that initial brush of fingers, and she--

She stare. It’s the mask. The one Souji put on her. All this time, and she’s-- she’s just been wearing it, like some sort of...scarf. Right over her tanuki pajamas. In front of everyone.

In front of Yamazaki.

If she could melt into the woodwork, it would be a miracle. But as always, reality refuses to oblige her. “Oh, I hadn’t even...ah...”

“Please, don’t worry about it.” His fingers smooth over the fabric, mouth curving into a rueful smile. “It looked better on you than it does on me.”

“Ah!” Her gasp catches in her throat. “That’s not...um...” She hakes her head, hoping that might clear enough room for a sentence or two to compose itself. “I don’t think that’s true.”

Yamazaki glances up at her, amused, and oh-- she hadn’t meant to say that. Not like that.

“You know, I meant to...” He stops himself. Not abruptly, like she does, but a slow, thoughtful halt. Like a train pulling into a station rather than a car braking for a yellow light. “I mean, I don’t think I ever got around to saying it last night, and today, with everything...well”

He hesitates again, a breath hissing between his teeth. But this time his shoulders square, and even though his gaze is lost in the shadow of his brows, she knows he’s looking at her. “Merry Christmas, Yukimura.”

[oathkeeperoxas]

Writing Pattern Game

Rules: Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns! (from most recent to least recent, starting from the top)

I'm doing the first paragraph because I think that's a lot more impactful and telling than just a first line; though some of these are just one line, and that says a lot all by itself. I'm also skipping all my battleship works, because those are not my usual writing style ahaha

I was tagged by @icemav86!

it's just us (croweluna)

“You free tonight?” 

transience, turbulence, transcendence (icemav)

It’s not even spring.

keeping his cards close to his chest (icemav)

“I heard that he’s a hardass. A stickler for the rules.”

Danger Zone (icemav)

Maverick lands his jet and knows he’s alive. Obviously. But it’s not until the canopy is lifting up and the sweet, cool sea air hits his face that it feels like he can breathe again. They won. Him and Iceman, up there duelling it out in the sky, moving as part of the same beast, thoughts flowing freely between them. Now there’s a feeling he’ll remember for the rest of his life. 

weave (codywan)

Obi-Wan peers out at an improbability.

devoured (codywan)

“Shh,” Obi-Wan murmurs in his ear, even as his hands creep up the front of Cody’s chest, teasing the slick skin with firm fingers on Cody’s nipples. “Quiet, my dear.”

yield (codywan)

Sunvear is a home that Cody never thought he’d get to have. 

something to dream of (codywan)

It’s still dark when Obi-Wan’s alarm goes off. 

one after another (ikesoren)

Soren shoulders his way into Ike’s room and sighs. 

an hour to ourselves (codywan)

Cody wakes the second his door opens, freezing as he calculates his options, where his blaster is and how long it will take to grab it and what he’s wearing and where the furniture in his room is and–

-

From what I notice, I like using single line intro sentences, and ones that put a reader right into the action. I guess that's what fanfiction is all about, babey!

Open tags for whoever wants to play, this was interesting 💖

[bi-bats]

asksender reporting for duty! 🫡

for the latest fic ask set: 5, 7, 8, and 15 please!!!

(also, please please take all the rest time you want/need!!! you gave us a Feast, now it is time for rest and recuperation 💕💕💕)

OKAY I'M FEELING LIKE ANSWERING SOME ASKS SO HERE WE GO I'M STARTING WITH THIS ONE FROM AN OLDER GAME BECAUSE IT'S BEEN HERE IN MY ASK BOX FOR LIKE 3 WEEKS

(i heard you say I can take as long as I need in one of your more recent ones, I just didn't internalize it which isn't your fault 💚)

technically the latest fic I had posted when I reblogged this was Scars and Stitches BUT right before that I posted What Are You Waiting For? which is FAR more interesting to me SO I'm answering for that one because rules are fake and I feel like it.

5. How do you decide how long your fics/chapters will be? Do you have a word count goal?

Ha. Ha! I don't decide anything. Do you all think I'm out here deciding that my next update for Know Yourself should be 18k words?? Of course not.

Here's how it goes: I tell any given chapter what I think should happen. The chapter says "hmmmm, maybe. We'll see." Then I beg the chapter to please please please please please not be over 10k words. It gives me a smile like it thinks I'm adorable for even asking when we both damn well know that the chapter will do whatever it wants, and what I want has nothing to do with it. And then either the chapter takes mercy on me (like it did in this fic) or it Does Not (like it is doing in Know Yourself).

7. What part of this fic/chapter was the most fun to write? 

Honestly, the whole first chapter. There's just something about the way it flows that I feel so good about 💚

8. Which line/paragraph are you most proud of? Why are you proud of this? 

But the strangest thing is how everyone believes Jason anyways. Just like that.  Then again, Dick is backing him up, so of course they believe him. Everyone believes Goldie, all of the time. He just flashes that gorgeous smile like a fucking master key, and Jason’s always been a tiny bit jealous that everyone else turned out so goddamn endearing.  Not that being intimidating doesn’t have its uses, but sometimes he can’t ignore how much easier certain things would be if his edges were just a little less sharp.

This whole section. I think it's just that this is one of those thoughts that Jason keeps to himself, even though he thinks it fairly often. It captures a part of Jason I rarely see represented, which is how he came back different and he feels different from the rest of the bats in a lot of ways that strain his relationship with them. (Also, I feel like this reads in his voice really well which is something I sometimes have a hard time feeling like I nailed.

15. What is one question you wish someone would ask you about this work? Ask it and answer it.

There is ALWAYS a question I want to be asked about fics, and it is what songs inspired them! I listen to so much music (Spotify wrapped outed me last year at 84k minutes of listening lmaoo) and I used to write to music a lot but I've been finding it distracting lately.

I still plot to music though, and each of my fics have playlists! I'm gonna link the spotify playlist for this fic here! Top recs from this playlist are:

Lately I haven't Been Sleeping

Hyacinthus

J's Lullaby

-

Thank you for reporting in for an ask!!! I always love seeing you in my inbox and I swear I get excited every time, I'm just bad at answering 😂

And re: your comment at the end, Thank You and everyone who reminded me to give myself room to rest! I don't want to burn out any more than anyone else wants me to burn out, and I appreciate the reminder!! Also preparing the feast was So Worth It, people are still (like literally at this moment I got one) sending in the LOVELIEST comments that are making my day every single time!!

Ily all!!! and Bean I'll see you in like five seconds for your Echo Wife ask I've been vibrating to answer 💖

[hero-deserves-to-be-happy]

hihi! same anon as last time, wanted to leave my thoughts on the latest chapter ^^

something I notice, this taking place earlier on in the timeline than the other pieces in the series (of which I've reread a fair few times! hope that isn't an offputting thing to admit, I just really like your approach to these characters :D), is how lonesome and subdued he is at this time. I particularly really like that second paragraph listing off everyone's wishes for him that we've seen up to this point (and noting his parents' hpes too really sits with me- gosh, how worried they'd be for him over the past few years...) and I like as clumsily they go about it how determined his college friends are to cheer him up in some regard. even if they don't know the extent of hero's struggles, they invite him along and want him to have a good time too. it's for their benefit too but it's still sweet to see

my heart hurts for him in that stretch of them trying to sell him on playing the romance game, what a subject to navigate... I'm curious what CJ and Kyle took away from his mood slipping alongside his admittance of having been kissed, if anything. guess it'll be a wait and see :o

and even though as you've noted this is largely set-up to the party itself, I really like the hopeful note you close out on here. the smallest choices, little moments of courage, really add up. you just have to see where they take you, sometimes.

great work with this!! I eagerly await more however and whenever it works out, and I send my well wishes to the two of you- hope you both have a lovely day!! - 🩶

Oh my goodness! 🥺 Thank you so much 🩶Anon-Friend! Your ask was so sweet and means so much to us, especially after the struggle it has been to get this set of chapters ready for posting. It made our days to get to read your thoughts on the latest chapter! Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us!! 💖

Before we address your lovely specific points on the newest chapter, we wanted to reassure you that there is not and is never anything off-putting in reaching out to us and in telling us you have reread our little stories. It is so incredibly flattering to hear that not only did you give our fics a chance and enjoy them but also that you loved them enough to reread them. It's so encouraging and honestly has us tearing up a little! 🥺💙Seriously, it's the greatest compliment to hear that you were so impacted by something we created that you wanted to read it more than once. Do you have a favorite story in the series so far? (No pressure to answer, of course. We were just a little curious).

Thank you also for saying that you love the way we write the characters! We both love OMORI and all of its amazing, dynamic characters so much (Hero especially) so it is always our goal to do them justice whenever we write about them. To hear other people enjoy our interpretations and it's not only us who see these characters in this way is always so encouraging. Thank you so much for that!

Thank you again for supporting our “When Sun Shines Again” project and for reading our latest chapter! We apologize it was short and that not a lot happened (that's why we didn't have our word of thanks to you in the author's note. We were always planning to put it in the next one where things actually happen & apologize for the delay 🙈). After several months of writing and rewriting, editing and reediting, however, we decided to post some of it (if only so Acacia would stop editing and finally move on). It means so much to hear that you enjoyed it! We've addressed your specific points under the cut (because this post got really, really long), but thank you so much again for such an incredibly kind ask! We appreciate you and your support so much. Please take care of yourself and we wish you a fantastic day as well! 💙

Honestly squealing a little that one of your big takeaways from this chapter was how lonely Hero is at this point in his life. We tried so hard to make that a major theme in the work thus far, so it means a lot to hear that that stuck out to you especially in comparison to stories that take place farther in the future. One of the biggest inspirations for this story has always been this line from One Day Left:

Hero really is so lonely, and it goes beyond just the loss of the best friend he had in Mari. He can't open up to others in the same way that he used to. He feels he has to protect Aubrey, Basil, Sunny, and Kel who are dealing with their own grief. He is terrified of worrying his family, and he struggles to tell any new friends he makes about his painful past. He doesn't show anyone the whole picture anymore--doesn't show those broken parts of himself. For any relationship to truly develop, there has to be a level of vulnerability, a moment where you allow someone else to truly see the real you. Hero doesn't want is anyone to see him anymore. By never letting anyone in, he thinks he is preventing himself from ever hurting or burdening others, but what he is really doing is preventing himself from ever being truly loved.

What was more important to both of us in writing this series wasn't that Hero opens himself up to romantic love again but that he opens himself up any love: to the love of his family and friends. We want him to allow people to know him, to see him, and to love him again, so he doesn't have to be alone anymore. We want him to heal his relationships with his old friends and his family, but also to open himself up to new friends too which is how the cast of this story became so much bigger than just one OC love interest. Yes, it's the name of the blog but we truly believe that Hero deserves to be happy and it's our hope that that he can find that happiness in building meaningful relationships with people who truly care about him (even in a purely platonic sense).

Hero's family & friends know and wish this too (in our opinion) which is why they are worried and why they want so desperately for him to make friends at school. It means so much to hear you specifically mention that second paragraph of this chapter where Hero thinks of his loved ones' wishes for him. [A/N: Sprinkles wants to specifically thank you for mentioning Hero's parents and how deeply worried they are about him as that's something that (we both feel) often gets overlooked or misinterpreted so it means a lot to hear that that really struck you! Always excited to find fellow "Kel & Hero's Parents are flawed (as all human beings are) but they genuinely love and care about their kids and are trying their best" Truthers out there!] All those wishes were all intentionally included in the previous chapters to build up to this section of the story and everything that comes after because Hero building these friendships, finding this sense of community, and opening himself up again is one of the most important themes of this story.

And in that way, you're absolutely right about Hero being much lonelier at this point in the timeline than in the other stories in this series. From the beginning we've had this detailed outline/timeline of the "When Sun Shines Again" universe and when we [A/N: mostly Acacia who has a bad habit of wanting to write out of order] work on spin-off stories, we tend to have a specific point on the timeline in mind to set that story in. It's so encouraging to hear that there is such a noticeable difference in how lonely Hero is in this early part of the timeline than in the later ones when he has cultivated these friendships and allowed himself to be vulnerable with them. That vulnerability is really the key. For instance, you mentioned Kyle and C.J. and their reactions to Hero's unexpected shift in mood, and the real issue for Hero there is that he can't explain because he isn't ready to open up about Mari yet. Eventually when/if he is ready to tell his friends about her, those kinds of misunderstandings will become less of a problem.

We loved what you said about his friends being determined to cheer him up a little bit. That's exactly what we were going for! And it means so much to us that you've mentioned Kyle and C.J. specifically here as if they are real characters. We worked hard on them so it really means a lot! Eventually they will learn at least some things about Hero's history and Mari (not sure if that's a spoiler or not), but despite them (especially Kyle) being goofs, they really do care about Hero and would be a lot more sensitive if they knew his past. In that way, it's kind of a good thing they don't know because the rest of this story kind of depends on them being a little more pushy (at least to the extent of getting Hero out of the house to this party, but more on that in the next chapter...)

We apologize for that the sadness in that bit about poor Hero remembering Mari and their relationship and kind of swearing off romance forever. We were kind of worried it would come off as a random tangent (even though we know/hope it'll be relevant later), but ultimately, we decided to keep it if just to reiterate the point that Hero is absolutely not ready for that right now and is not going to be ready for a long, long time (which I'm sure you know if you've read the other fics in this series). We actually kind of had to laugh about it the other day because we are now 43,805 words into this story and Hero hasn't even met the girl who will eventually get him to open his heart to love again. As Sprinkles says, "This takes slow burn to the next level."

But we feel strongly that it has to, just by the nature of what it is. Hero loved Mari so much. He wanted to spend his forever with her and genuinely cannot imagine ever wanting that kind of relationship with anyone else at this point. To gloss over that or speed through it really feels like a disservice to him and to how deeply he loved Mari and is still grieving her. Finding healing and opening his heart again is a very long, complex, and often painful process. It can't be rushed, and thanks to Sprinkles who insisted we turn this story idea into the proper epic it deserves, hopefully it won't be here (A/N: it was originally only supposed to be 5 chapters spanning the same length of time but just in less words/scenes, but Sprinkles wisely decided we needed to let the story breathe and take its time!)

Lastly, we are so thrilled to hear that you liked the hopeful ending of this chapter and the reflection on the small seemingly insignificant moments in life that have major impacts. We absolutely agree with your analysis that sometimes we really do have to see where those little moments of courage take us (and we absolutely adore the poetic way that you've worded that too). That's always been such a big takeaway from OMORI for us especially when we think about how (arguably) the most important part of the game (those Real World segments) are sparked by the seemingly insignificant choice to go outside with Kel. If the player chooses to ignore Kel's knocking, they'll end up in Hikikomori and the "True"/Good ending will be impossible to them which in a way (or at least in our opinion) makes it the most important decision in the game. But it's so deceptive precisely because you don't expect the most important decision in a game to be opening the door for your friend. We wanted to bring that kind of sentiment into "When Sun Shines Again" as well and emphasize these little moments that end up having huge impacts on Hero's life and his future.

You've probably guessed by the amount of music references in "When Sun Shines Again" that we have found a lot of inspiration for this series in music, and there is a song called "Something Changed" by Pulp [YouTube Link (A/N: The song title is the Spotify link)] that perfectly sums up this sentiment (A/N: Acacia listens to it a lot while writing). It's this love song from 1995 (so appropriate for the time period here) that's really about "perfect timing" and how it's not these little moments that bring these people together. The song is really the singer reflecting on these seemingly insignificant moments that unexpectedly changed his life and how he wasn't expecting to find love but somehow everything just fell into place and "something changed." Here's a few of our favorite lines:

"Oh, I could have stayed at home and gone to bed I could have gone to see a film instead You might have changed your mind and seen your friends Life could have been very different but then Something changed"

That's probably a good wrap up place before we start rambling about spoilers (not sure if you care too much about those, but we've tried to avoid them just in case 😅). We're hoping to get the next two chapters wrapped up and posted this week. We have no idea if this is even possible but we're going to try. (Acacia is determined to get poor Zoey into this book by her birthday so wish us luck!). The encouragement and feedback we've received from you is such incredible motivation to get these chapters finished and posted though, so thank you so much for that and for all of your support!

We are so delighted that you've enjoyed our stories and are so humbled and flattered that you think so highly of our "When Sun Shines Again" series. Merely saying thank you does not feel like enough, but thank you so, so much for this! Please don't hesitate to stop by our inbox any time to talk with us. We're always happy to discuss this project, our OCs, or anything Hero related (honestly, anything OMORI related within our blog rules really even though this is a Hero-centric blog), so please don't be shy or a stranger. Sending much love to you, 🩶 Anon-Friend!

[ducknotinarow]

87 verse Raph Yvonne 🍷💖

| Send a "🍷💖" and My Muse will drunkenly flirt with Your Muse

Raph was not someone who could cook he left that to Mikey. Heck, the turtle could barely make toast well. Somehow, he managed to burn and leave parts raw. Don't get him started on the toad in a hole either! That egg was a whole ass mess. If Mikey or Splinter hadn't cooked, he tended to stick to eating anything he could just rip out from a box like cereal. Even if he had a habit of drinking the milk with it straight out from the carton, but that was about as close to a cook he would ever be. He thought a nice gesture would help him and Von patch things up between them, though in all fairness, Von might feel things were fine between them, and only Raphael felt he still needed to fix things between them. Sides she seemed to get along fine with Casey and Casey surprisingly seemed to as well. So Raphael figured it be nice if the four of them could just be well chill with one another. But the only way that's gonna happen is if he don't near about kill the poor girl, well or anyone in general but that was a issue for another day.

But he had a secret weapon Casey. Casey knew how to bake and not to brag but Raph was in fact bragging about it his boyfriend was a fantastic baker. In truth he bragged about it lot when he brought a brownie home from Casey's before. Still not the point here but he figured with Casey maybe he could do something better than his bad attempt from before that made her sicker than a dog. But he was staying away from specif British foods that was for sure. Their food was waaay to hard to make. So why not something sweet this time? That would be just find and maybe safer route to go. After a tad or looking into it he thought maybe a tart would be fine it was like a pie right? Well least in the picture it looked like it be nice didn't have many steps or ingredients needed either? A Strawberry rum tart. It sounded good at least and luckily April was willing to help with getting him what he needed as well.

Though he was a bit surprised? He didn't know you could put alcohol in to food? or cook with it either? How did that even work? Could you get drunk from eating the tart or like too much of it? Only real thought in his mind when he was setting stuff into the lair's kitchen. HE was waiting for Casey to drop by later to give him a hand with this. After pressing the poor guy about helping him and openly pleading because well he still felt awful for making her sick. He knew Casey would pretty much agree the second he maybe asked but a little begging doesn't hurt. Pulling out the rum he looked the bottle over curious still about how it was needed for the dessert. And curious for the taste.

"Well we don't need too much of it anyway" was the last thing he said to convince himself it was a fine idea. to give the wine a little taste. Grabbing for the closest to a shot glass he had. And filled it up for his quick taste well he waited for Casey to come around. He wasn't expecting the taste to be so smooth going down. Kind of sweet taste to it as well? Guess it was just going to be for flavor then? going ahead and filling up the glass once more still under the excuse of simply tasting the stuff.

Easily fooled by just how light it was compared to what he normally drank and well the sweet smooth taste didn't help or make him think twice about it besides they only needed like 1/4 of cup so if he drank like a few more shot glasses worth? It wasn't going to take away from what they were going to need. Shrug of his shoulders given was still going to be sometime till Casey was able to come around as he stepped away from the counter bottle and glass in hand he sat himself down at the table in the kitchen and got another glass filled. But was going to hit him more than he was expecting when he slammed down the shot glass after about his maybe sixth shot?

"heh okay maybe shoulda stopped like a paragraph ago."

Raph states as he went to lay his head to the table a moment his body felt like it was humming from the alcohol in his system it was kind of a nice feeling buzzing in him as he just started to hum out to himself no even sure what tune he was trying to mimic when he did so. Foot steps into the kitchen got his attention right away. "Baby girl!" he exclaimed full of delight in his tone seeking to find Casey in the door frame but hmm no one was standing there? He was sure someone was walking in, eyes lowered further down from where Casey would be standing. Soon eyeing purple antenna his gaze sort of stuck on that a second narrows his eyes confused by why those were there Casey didn't have those? Little lower finally looking to Yvoone's face his beak scrunches up and he audibly huffs at her appearance. Dropping his head to the table clearly not happy to see the butterfly mutant in that moment.

"You're not baby girl." Raph soon grumbles out under his breath as he gives out another huff of annoyance. Only then did it seem to click in his fogged over mind who this was sitting up right away near about knocking the bottle of rum over able to just about save it as he held it up against his plastron for dear life. It was for dear life Von may never forgive him! Though he isn't sure why she was mad at him? Wait was Von mad at him at all? he's having trouble gathering his thoughts in the moment. "I mean you maybe could be baby girl don't get me wrong." he trys to recover his blunder from before but now it sounds like he's saying something else? "Not mine of course I only got eyes for Casey he's my baby girl. And the most baby girl to just ever be ya see..oh FUCK!" He suddenly yells "Ya didn't hear me call them that okay?"

Suddenly feet press in against the floor so he could push himself away from the table, Still hugging the bottle of rum close to himself he didn't want to risk spilling a drop of the stuff. As he made his way over to Yvoone. "he gets all upset about other knowing I call him that." Raph smiles a bit "he shy like that." He happily explains thinking about Casey well when isn't Raph thinking about Casey? Soon he eyes Yvoone more closely then needed.

"Like I guess objectively? ya cute Von. I mean you are short and short girls are always cute. SO you got that going for you, at least, right? And you wear glasses well. Irma says glasses make a gal cute, at least? I wouldn't know, see, i'm gay." As if she had no way of knowing this before. "But like I can tell when a girl is cute, at least. And you are cute, Von. I mean you your hair looks done, and wavy frames your face well. And your glasses are cute. At least Irma says girls that wear glasses are cute?" Raph tries to explain. "Guess make people look at your eyes, which are nice too kind of like gemstones, ya know? But eh, I gotta say personally, no offense, not cute to me." Not that Von had asked.

"Wanna know cute? Casey, of course, who else would I mean? He's all big and tall, but he's just so cute, and it's very unfair. Got way better hair than you, and I know don't put in effort. And his eyes? Well I can't say to much since he wears his mask but the shore line is way prettier than some gemstones." Raph contuines on with.

"Oh but they look nice Oh you Von." Only now aware of how rude that all sounded. "I mean your like a five ar best but Casey? He breaks the scales see? So it's unfair to compare you might be cute but compared to Casey? Never stood a chance he's Bodacious after all." Raphael happily ends his point on. "Why were we talking about thar though? Von you know I'm gay so asking my opinion is silly." Wait wasn't there a reason he wanted to see Von?

"The tart!" He explains suddenly rushing to the counter now sreaching for the pre-made tart shell. He figured in his sober state it be easiest that way. "Don't go no wheres!" He suddenly explains as he works in a panic.

Bottle of rum finally set down to the counter as he works to pry open the tart shell, a small piece broke off but it was fine. He stared at it a moment trying to get his brain to function here and work with him. Ripping open the bag of sugar and pouring it into the shell, he followed the lead with the next set of ingredients thicken creme, butter and such all careless thrown into the shell as he tapped the side of hus head tryingnto recall what else he need for this mess. "Oh right the rum!"

Raphael exclaimed and pour it right top of everything else. Noting mixed or preped as it was meant to soaking the shell right threw even as clumps started to form even but he still grabbed it and prouded walked his mess over to the butterfly mutant. "Look for you!" He happily presents it her way feeling he did an amazing job considering the time crunch he didn't need Casey after all clearly.

[redskysailor]

hiii ^_^! how did ur clarinet performance go yesterday ??!

hi elliot! it went fairly well, not our best take but we got through it :] it was with the clarinet ensemble so it wasn’t NEARLY as scary as playing by myself, but it was good to get some experience performance in the music hall before my jury next week (solo assessment in front of all the music faculty).

my nice clarinet is in the shop (hopefully getting it back today) so i had to play on my plastic clarinet that i probably haven’t touched since high school, so it went pretty darn well considering that. she’s missing a LOT of pads, so my key clicks are suuuper loud, and the tuning is her mid range is a bit wonky… she needs a good cleaning too lol. getting all that fixed would probably cost more than the repairs on the one that’s already in the shop rn, so i don’t think i’ll be getting her fixed anytime soon… but it was interesting to put in perspective how much better my new clarinet is. the old one (plastic) is also a LOT lighter than my new (wooden) clarinet, so that probably explains why i’ve been having so much trouble with wrist pain this year that i never had with my old clarinet (more weight + much more frequent practice = ow)

[tf2fansderogatory]

FREAK KITCHEN SAGA RETURNS. we're so so close to getting to the second album aaaaaaa

ares e modgod my beloved /p since you guessed my original for scout AND gave me another for spy (which is an EXCELLENT pick btw) you get this one for free. 💖 it's not at all because i missed writing long paragraphs about music, no sir!

ahaha anyway, i ended up giving scout freak kitchen - humiliation song. when you grow up with what, seven older brothers, you're bound to start fighting for attention. and as the baby of the family, scout tended to find himself getting shoved aside, his older brothers taking the spotlight. so naturally, he's got a desire to be the center of attention—why wouldn't he? it's making up for what he never got.

sure, he's a bit self-aggrandizing. we know this, we love him for it. maybe it's true, maybe he's doing it to be funny, maybe it's just an act. but the important thing is that he says he's important and powerful, and will argue with you if you disagree.

my favourite thing about this pick, though, is how well it matches a scout player's role in mvm: he essentially turns into a support class. his main job is to collect money, but a good scout will also slow down and mark giants for death, taking their aggro and letting their teammates get the kill. if you mess up while you're taking aggro, it often means death—but what's so bad about taking a few Ls if it means you got to be helpful?

scout is loud, he is obnoxious— he runs on caffeine and attention, and more than anything he wants to be somebody.

freak kitchen saga is BACK! i missed this

i was theorizing last time when i worked on scout’s song about who would get our remaining songs, and humiliation song (along with being a very good song) is a well-made choice for scout.

“i’d do anything for ten seconds of fame / i’d be happy to bend over just to be somebody” scout was never given the spotlight he wanted or deserved, growing up and now. maybe it’s a big part as to why he self-aggrandizing and says he’s so important; if he doesn’t say it for himself, who’s going to say it for him? very few people, if any, in his experience. i hadn’t thought about the mvm part of it; he’s willing to take all these big risks so his teammates can get the kill, if it means he’s important to the team.

maybe someday someone will remind him that he is somebody. he doesn’t have to push himself so hard to be so.

[ajokeformur-ray]

I've seen your last post and now I'm too curious to not ask. (I hope you don't mind me asking these question)

What would Joker, Arthur or Patrick say if I say that I'm not worthy, after keeping my distance? That too much is wrong and problematic with me, that the effort to get to know me is too much in contrast to my boring personality. That there's nothing lovable within me, especially in relation to all my insecurities and loneliness.

Hello, my love!💜

I don’t mind you asking me these questions at all, especially because I asked for people to send me questions like this! Thank you so much for sending this in to me, darling, I really do enjoy answering these casual writing asks; it gives me a bit of a break from writing pieces but also means I get to write and it means that you lovely people receive more content and perhaps even some comfort!💙

I wasn’t sure which Joker you were referring to - TDK or 2019 - so I answered this for Arthur, J and Patrick. I figure Arthur’s Joker would react very similarly at any point of his arc because he’s the same man (in my opinion, others may disagree though and that’s okay!) I hope that you enjoy this!💗 I’m so sorry that you feel the ways that you’ve described, nonnie.😔 You deserve so much more than to feel this way. Just as you are in any given moment, you are worthy of and deserving of love and of getting to know. You deserve the world, darling, and I hope that the following offers you some support and comfort!💖🤗

If you would like to talk about this some more or if there’s anything more I can do for you then please let me know, angel!😊💝

What would Joker, Arthur or Patrick say if I say that I'm not worthy, after keeping my distance? That too much is wrong and problematic with me, that the effort to get to know me is too much in contrast to my boring personality. That there's nothing lovable within me, especially in relation to all my insecurities and loneliness.

Individual word counts are attached to the scenarios but the word count for all 3 scenarios combined: 2, 105.

This little paragraph precedes the beginning of each scenario from this point. To avoid repetition I’ve only written it once and it is not included in the word counts: 

You let the words pour out. You tell him that there's too much wrong with you, that you have too many problems, and you're not worth getting to know... you tell him that you're unlovable. You say these things not as a thought, but as statements. You give him facts and there is no room for debate, no room for him to interject. Finally, though, finally, your words run dry and you can only wait for his reaction...

Arthur Fleck // word count: 705.

Arthur is silent for a few seconds, his nicotine stained fingers curling into fists, the material of his trousers bunched up beneath his grip. His nostrils flare minutely and you hold your breath. You can't - won't - apologise for telling him how you feel, because you know that Arthur wants to know everything which you want to share with him. He's grateful, you know, for your honesty, but you also know that right now, he's beating himself up. He's not loving you properly if you're having these thoughts, and he will do everything he can to comfort you and to soothe your insecurities, to be the man you need him to be, to be the one who will love you even harder for the fact that you don't - can't or won't is irrelevant, in his eyes - love yourself.

He inhales deeply and exhales shakily once, twice, thrice... and then when he speaks, his voice is that soft rasp which you know and love so well, though there is definitely tension in his voice. "Wh-why would you say that? Why are you saying those things?"

You shrug, your bravado gone now. You're just so tired of feeling like this. You're tired of beating yourself up over every little thing, for not being able to treat yourself the way that Arthur does. "It's just how I feel, honey. When I look at me, I don't understand how you can - " love me. You cut yourself off as your voice cracks, though you know that Arthur hears what you don't say.

Arthur will always hear you, whether you're screaming, whispering or remaining silent. Slowly do the pieces put themselves together in his mind. You had been distant for a while; you were always with him but you weren’t always with him. It was a subtle but important distinction; one which Arthur knew well. At first had he feared the worst, that you were breaking up with him, but now... oh, but now did he realise that he had been missing crucial pieces of the puzzle. 

He coos softly as you look away from him, finally unable to say anything more for there is nothing else to say. Arthur has brought you to the point where words run dry, as he so often does. Where usually would he verbalise his thoughts, now does he only wrap an arm around your shoulders and pull you into the side of his body the way one usually falls asleep; slowly and then all at once. Arthur is a man of action, he always has been, for he knows well that words can be spoken with little emotion behind them but actions, oh... his are practically screaming at you as he feathers kiss after kiss to the crown of your head, royalty are you.

"I love you, Y/N. You're the only one who's ever really been nice to me and you understand me on a level no one else does. You're not boring - don't you dare say that about my Y/N. You're perfect and I wouldn't want to share my life with anyone else." Arthur shifts in his seat so that he can face you, his legs turned towards you so that you know that you have his full attention. He presses a tender, lingering kiss to your forehead, as if he hopes for his kiss to seep into your skin and soothe your insecurities and raw wounds from the outside in. "You deserve to be loved, Y/N. Anyone who says otherwise has it all wrong," Arthur's dark brows crease, as if he can't even consider someone not loving you, his one and only.

"Thank you, angel." You give Arthur a smile, feeling somewhat better. His green eyes pierce your gaze and you know that Arthur knows you're still feeling iffy, but that's okay. Arthur will tell you his truth as many times as you ask him to. "I love you. So, so much."

Arthur coos again and kisses you soundly, wanting more than anything to show you that you're not alone in the ways that you feel. With time, patience and persistence, perhaps the two of you may learn to love yourselves through loving the other person.

Patrick Verona // word count: 924.

(A/N: @loveletterstoledger just recently wrote a piece in which Pat reacts to Y/N’s relationship insecurities (linked if you’re interested🤗💖) and so I’ve done my best to take on a different approach with this small piece. Any similarities are entirely coincidental but just in case, I’m crediting Rosie anyway (with permission💙)! Thanks, honeys!💗)

You and Patrick are sat outside in the garden when you tell him everything which is on your mind, and he is quiet... too quiet. You shift, uncomfortable in this thunderous silence, which may be dark and foreboding or merely contemplative... such is your anxiety that you cannot tell that which usually comes as naturally to you as breathing. Patrick reaches over with a hand and interlaces his fingers with yours, his thicker digits squeezing around your own, which shake slightly. You are barely holding it together. I'm here, Y/N.

Despite yourself and even with everything else which is going on, you can only smile as Pat communicates with you without saying anything at all, so emotionally intelligent is he. You have always marvelled at this aspect of him; for one so young, he is so knowing. With a twinge of your already tried heart do you know that it is because he has already suffered and gone through so much more than anyone his age should ever have to.

Pat is kind, warm and gentle because he has had to learn to be, and in his own strength and depth of character was your own enriched all the more for knowing him. Indeed, loving him came as naturally to you as breathing, and it was only in moments like this when it felt as though your soul could soar as Pat found you in that seemingly impenetrable darkness and brought you into his arms... back into the light.

You dare in this moment to look up at Pat and all you can see is a deep set frown on his face, his beautiful eyes with flecks of green in them watery and almost unfocused. His mind is clearly racing, trying to comprehend all of which has just spilled out of you like water from a running tap. As your eyes meet, Pat surges forwards, tugging you towards him too with the grip he already has on your hand, and you are pulled into Pat's broad, warm chest.

One arm is wrapped around your lower back, as far down as Pat can hold you without being indecent or too forward, so respectful is he, and the other hand rests on the back of your head, his fingers flexing in your hair. The movement reminds you of a cat when they knead a soft blanket and you smile. Only Pat can do this to you. He rests his chin on the crown of your head and breathes deeply, trying to keep himself under control. Sickness roils in his stomach; he hasn't been a very good boyfriend to you if these thoughts are plaguing you. But this isn’t about him - this is about you and Pat pushes his guilt down as best as he can, channelling it into helping you.

"Do you see yourself the way I do, Y/N?" Pat's voice is deep and it rumbles through his chest. You burrow tighter into him and snuggle into his hold, wanting everything which Pat is willing to give you and more, so needing are you of him and of his particular brand of comfort, which has always been and, time will show you, will always be your favourite. No one loves you in the way Pat does and you love him all the more for the way his heart commands his actions even with everything he's ever been through in his life.

You shake your head against Pat, knowing he'll feel the motion and understand everything you're not saying. He's incredibly intuitive and so wise and even in silence does he understand you perfectly. You are your own people but it's almost like Pat's emotions are mere echoes of your own, so emotionally intertwined are you.

"I just told you what I see, Pat, and I don't understand how you can love me, I - "

Pat cuts you off with a shake of his head, his dark curls brushing lightly against the tops of his shoulders, and shushes you quietly. "Stay with me, Y/N."

You puzzle for a moment over his intentions but then it occurs to you that Pat means here. In the moment. Pat can't take your insecurities away by way of reaching within you and scooping the tar out of your soul and brushing the ashes away from your cracked heart from all that you have ever been through. He cannot change your thought processes or prevent you from feeling as you do. He cannot put you back together (though there is nothing to be romanticised about falling apart) but he can love you every waking and sleeping moment, so thorough a lover is he.

"I would never want you to be anyone but yourself, Y/N. Everyone else is already taken and even if you can't see yourself, I see you and I love you all the more for it."

Pat felt inadequate; what more could he say? What could he do? He wanted nothing more than to soothe away your loneliness and your insecurities, but the only thing Pat could think of doing was simply to stay by your side, just as he had told you to stay beside him. He was so young but he lacked not the life experience required to so selflessly love another.

If loving you was the only thing Pat could do, then he would do it so well that you wouldn't know what else to do with yourself. Such was the depths of his heart, and such was the ethereal bond which existed between you. J // word count: 476. (J's is really short because his comfort style is short and to the point asdfghjkl ~ )

J had had no idea that you had been feeling so badly about yourself. He had known that you had bad days but never had J ever expected something like this to come spilling past your lips like a dam had been broken. So down were you, so lost in all that you were that J had never expected something like this to be on your mind. He thought not of things he had or hadn’t done or of things which he could have done differently. J only thought of you and as your eyes began to look at your feet, as if all the answers you wanted were there, he shook his head as if to dispel the dark thoughts and took a step forward.

“That’s, ah - a bad joke, doll.”

“Who said anything about joking?” You spoke bitterly, your thoughts like acid which had poisoned your self-perception and been so thorough in its job that now was your relationship, a secret and a sacred part of your life, being touched by it, too. J deserved better than you. Your relationship had never made any sense, you had always known that. What you had used to dream about did you now dread, and not even J was able to stop the onslaught of negativity now that it had its grips in you. Usually did you not speak to J like this but you were too far within yourself to be able to monitor the tone in which you spoke.

"Is this why you've been, ah - disappearin' when I come home, doll? Ya' think I don't want ya'?" J took a deep breath, steadying himself, trying to not show his anger too much. He knew not who or what had put these ideas into your head, but he was not happy and he didn't like it. Not. One. Bit. He tongued the scars on his inner cheek and stared at you, his dark gaze seeming to look into your very soul.

You nodded, finally unable to say anything more, and J made a contemplative noise, happy to be getting somewhere and knowing what you were saying but not understanding. He was with you, wasn't he? What further proof did you want or need that he wanted to get to know you and that he thought of you highly?

"Don't, ah - don't think like that, toots. Y're better than that, I know ya' are." J reached out to you and grabbed you by the waist, hoisting you up into his lap and held you tightly. You were going nowhere until J felt like you knew that here, in his lap, was right where he wanted you to be. There was more he wanted to say, there was more he needed to say, but for right now you were going nowhere and neither was J.

AF/J  @nothingclown  @astheworlddturns @fluffedstar @jokersqueenofchaos @germansarechill  @lynnesm @sagyunaro  @greghouse  @flowerglitterwoman @ben-solos-writing-avenger  @scaredclowncat @lilliryth @hotpacino  @obsessedandthirsty  @call-me-harley-quinn  @cbloodmarch  @askmrfleck  @justacomedy @takemepedropascal

Ledger!Joker @anyatheladyclown   @joker-daddy    @rinbyo    @imightaswellnotexistatall    @vladtoly    @joker-is-my-hero    @liz-rdwitch   @enigmaticandunstable      @ledgerskitten   @germansarechill   @acw1   @harlequinautumn     @mermaleizroseglasses   @justawriterinprogress     @truthbehindthemysteries  @hotpacino  @call-me-harley-quinn   @mermaidpowers1  @scaredclowncat @jslittlebirdie   @ang3l-d0ll @sacredempressnatlyia

Patrick Verona  @itsthejoker @royaleclownx   @arianatheangelworld   @scaredclowncat    @hotpacino  @call-me-harley-quinn @mountainjiwish

[xiexielians]

so far i've watched a couple episodes, and i actually am really enjoying the series! It's made me almost cry too many times for just starting the series 😭 and the ending! omg, i love listening to artists that can use their vocals that well, such a calming ending fr. AND Aimer sang a ed for the show??!?!?!? i love aimer, i can't wait to get to whatever ed she sang. I don't mind slow burning series, honestly the more to watch is always better! i cant stand shows that rap everything up so fast, but it also sucks when really good shows are forced to do that o wow, what kind of events do you have to organize? I always wanted to be productive in college/school but i always prefer to be home asap lol! aaaa i really want a cat in the future too~ I love cats beyond words can explain, but i know that i should work hard and earn my way to getting one so im hoping next year is a productive year for me in the sense of getting my life together hahaha ah ofc, the end of the year anticipation for next years new games, shows, music, etc. i dont like sit there and say "my new year resolution is..." but like i said in the paragraph above, i just hope to get my life started next year because ever since I dropped out, i haven't done anything besides stay home sadly!(but also due to covid so i guess thats a good thing!) much good luck on your events and assignments as always though! How about you, do you have any resolutions for next year? To be completely clear paper honest, ive only started working on your gift about a week ago (i work very well under pressure to deadlines so this is not a bad thing! ^^) but as i send this out, im almost done with it and i think it's the best thing ive made since i cant even remember! my thoughts when making it were "i really want to make something unique, something challenging, something that pops in color and something that can showcase different feelings" im a little upset I couldnt spend more time watching the show to get more meaningful moments (and i felt like itd be less meaningful if i just skipped seasons to only capture the best scenes). so with it i am also hoping that my piece refreshes the 1st season in a sense! (if that makes any sense!) as of this moment i have no idea when ill be posting, but probably either on the 25th or the 26th! (and since timezones are different im on the east coast of america) I can't wait to finally reveal myself and give you your beautiful gift! and since this is basically the last message before I reveal myself, it was super amazing getting to know, talk and bond with you! Hopefully we can continue to be friends afterwards! 💙💙 - your animanga ss 🎁

omgg glad that you liking it so far! and it got you close to tears??! wonders what future episodes gonna do 🤭🤭

aimer's ed is in season 5 which is the season with the flower line so you got a long way to go, enjoy the ride!! ✨💖

OK,,, the first event was to organise an webinar, our teams have to invite someone in the hr dept to give some talk on the industry and the second is community service but we are still in online class so just a knowledge sharing on online platform

I'm not the one to have ny resolutions too 😅 can we have the same resolution as the last two years haha

ooo cannot wait for the gift (and your reveal) I'm sure I will like it! 🥰

yes yess hopefully we can keep talking even after this!! I have fun talking to you this past weeks. Also, merry christmas ~ if you don't celebrate it stay safe and healthy and happy holidays 💗💗