#the sort of bitter and angry victim-y side to her

[darkbluestateofgrace]

There’s something so weird and full circle about Taylor’s first massive hit being a song about her parents disapproval of a love affair, only for her to write another song over ten years later that uses her parents disapproval as a metaphor for her own fans disapproval

[wolftraps]

As always

Another extra from The Reverb in These Holy Halls. Just because Sasha’s a fear monster now doesn’t mean she’s going to let Tim stop being her friend. But also, Sasha “in this house we love and support Jon Sims” James isn’t here for Tim’s grudges.

—

Three months or so after the Unknowing. After they’d all gotten pizza and got mostly drunk and pretended for the night that they were all friends and everything was fine. After Tim had handed in his resignation and closed a chapter in his life he was beginning to think would never end with a strong determination never to reopen it. Three months after all that, Tim comes home to find her in his flat.

She smiles at him, in such a familiar way, and it should make him angry, he thinks, like he was with the thing that took Danny. Angry and afraid. He’s not though. Mostly he’s just tired. Tired and sad. He drops his wallet and keys on the side table and locks the door behind him. It’s not like this thing uses normal entrances.

He purposely doesn’t look at her and she sighs. “Tim—”

“Don’t,” he snaps. “Don’t tell me you’re her, because you’re not.”

“I’m not… not her,” she hedges.

Incredulity forces him to face her. “That… that doesn’t even make any sense!”

“Yes, that’s… kind of the point.”

“Of what?” He really shouldn’t ask. He really should know better.

“Me? I guess? Whatever I am. Sense is meant to be… twisted, and coiled, and looped back on itself. For me.” Her fingers twist around themselves, and Tim can’t watch too long without getting dizzy. He shuts his eyes.

“I can’t tell if I’m pissed off or just confused.”

“Both, probably. I just… We were never going to be what you wanted us to be. But I couldn’t just let you… mourn me, and pretend I’m not here. I didn’t kill Sasha, Tim. Sasha became me.”

Tim scoffs. “Yeah, like Jon became that thing he is now. ‘The Archivist’.”

“Y— Well, yes? And also no. Jon’s change was more gradual—”

“The hell it was! Maybe for him, but he’s not the Jon I worked with. That I was friends with. That Jon was just— overwritten.”

“Is it really overwriting,” she asks, “if they were the same person to that point? Does it matter, if the Jon you’re talking about would’ve have gone through the next four years in the exact same manner as this Jon did? Jon became what he is because that’s where he was pushed. You’re blaming him for being changed by his experiences.”

“I’m no—”

“You are. You feel personally betrayed because the end result of his trauma isn’t who you remember from before it. If this Jon hadn’t come back, we’d both be dead by now. And you’d have hated him all the same.” Her voice is sharp but annoyingly level. That’s always…

“... aren’t you not supposed to make sense?” he grumbles.

“Well, if I don’t knock some into you, who’s going to? Jon?” She sighs, picking at her fingers. “I am… less Sasha, than the Archivist is Jon. But Jon’s change happened without his understanding. As Sasha, I chose this, knowing what I was doing.”

“You could be lying,” Tim says, swallowing down the bitter taste in his mouth.

“I could,” she agrees with a grin. “If I was, you might never know. I’m very good at it.”

“Not exactly the answer I was looking for.”

“Yes, but if I told you that, it would be a lie.” There’s a slight ringing in his ears, like the chuckle she’s trying to contain behind that smile can’t help but seep through. Part of him wants to laugh as well, the other part is trying to remember that trick to get rid of tinnitus.

Eventually he drops himself into a chair and lets the force expel the air from his lungs. Not quite a sigh. Not quite resignation. Not quite a roll of his eyes. “Alright, fine. Then why?”

“That’s hard to explain rationally. I made a statement about it,” she says brightly. “Two actually! You could listen to them if you want, I don’t mind.”

“I’m not going back to that place. Just… try.” She positions herself on the sofa, not so much sitting in it as draping herself over it, her legs just happening to end up curled on the cushions. And Tim knows that furrowed brow, that slight, contemplative frown. He doesn’t push. Sasha always… she’d always needed time to order her thoughts before she spoke. Never one to stutter through.

“Fear, I suppose.” Her whole head seems to roll with her eyes when he snorts, though it never actually moves. “Yes, I know, but… there’s no good way to describe it. No other word that fits so well. There were so very many feelings that led me to the decision. So many thoughts and rationalizations and doubts. But underneath it all, it was fear. Fear of never seeing Jon again; fear of him being hurt; fear of finding him too late, yes. But also fear of my own helplessness; fear of how easy it would be to be a victim— just another unfortunate statement-giver, and fear of not having the power to help when the time came. Fear that, in a job like that, the End would find me too soon. Fear of losing myself. Fear of being too afraid to risk it. Fear of my own stubbornness keeping me from adapting like I needed to. Fear of what it would mean, once I figured it all out. Fear that I never would, and it would eat away at me. Fear that, underneath it all, I didn’t want to figure it all out. Fear of how that desperation to just be lost pulled at me, and fear of what I’d be if I didn’t answer it.” The words come faster and faster until it’s hard to distinguish what she’s saying, though the sentiment still gets through. She takes a breath and sits back from where she’d starting leaning toward him. It’s painfully familiar.

“I was so full of contradictory fears, and it kept chipping away at me, at my reason. And then Michael told me he was going to kill Jon, and for just a moment it all stopped and it all hit me at once. And I thought ‘Can I really do this?’ and I knew I could. I wanted to. Maybe there were better ways— ways that kept me more me— but this was the one before me. This was the quickest, the most decisive, the most useful, and if I hesitated, there was no guarantee I’d get another chance. So I took it.”

“Not to be a self-centered ass, but what about me?” His voice is thick, trying to catch in his throat. “Did you even consider what it would do to me, to see this happen to you?”

“Yes. Of course. You’re my best friend.” He scoffs through the tears, and she smacks his arm, chiding, like she always did, though she should be too far to be able. “You are. Jon, Martin… they’re my family now. There’s a bond there that I don’t think even Jon could describe. But I think… you’re why I’m still Sasha.”

“Sorry, what? No—”

“Yes. Do you know how easy it would’ve been? To just let myself go? To become just a- a dye on the yarn, rather than a strand in the braid?” It should be rhetorical, but she just waits, and Tim thinks she’s been around Martin too long. Though maybe Martin got it from her, rather than the other way around. It’s been years now, Tim can barely remember what mannerisms she had before the Archives.

“Easy, I assume?”

“So easy, Tim! So. Easy. But I didn’t! I stayed mostly me!” Sasha pauses and tilts her head slightly. “Well… partly. At least half!”

“And you think that’s good enough?” Tim still can’t shake that bitter taste… or is it sour?

“I hope it is.” The words sound flat. Not without emotion but… without that unnatural reverberation that makes the world tilt. They sound… human. They sound like Sasha. “I really, really hope it is.”

It fucking hurts. It hurts that she’s gone. It hurts that she left him behind. It hurts that there is something sitting in his flat, with her face, asking— if he’s reading it right— to be friends. It hurts that it’s not really her. And it hurts that it is. There are differences. Countless differences. But the way she talks, moves, smiles… it’s all Sasha, turned up to eleven. It hurts how much he wants this. And he’s so, so sick of that bitter taste.

“I can’t just go back to how things were,” he chokes out. “I can’t just pretend you’re the same person I knew before.”

“No,” she agrees. “No, of course not. We could start small, though, maybe? Get lunch sometime? Make awkward conversation over and over until it eventually becomes natural?”

“Do you even eat anymore?” Tim has to ask.

“I… ate the pizza?” This seems like the sort of thing she should’ve thought about earlier, but he supposes she has had other things on her mind. “And I still like coffee. So… probably? I don’t need it, but I think I can still enjoy it. Maybe. I’m really curious to find out now.”

Of course she is. And that thought is what decides him.

“Okay,” he says. “Lunch then. On Thursday.”

Sasha perks up and grins. “Really?! Oh! That’s great! Lunch on Thursday! Right. I’ll- I’ll let you be, then, and see you Thursday. I’d give you a hug, but—”

“Please don’t.” Her laugh still makes him flinch, but she doesn’t try to contain it this time.

What she does can’t be called standing so much as unfolding, but whatever she does, she gets up from his couch and goes to a yellow door on his outer wall that definitely shouldn’t be there. Tim drops his head to his hands and rubs his temples.

“… Thank you, Tim,” she says, but doesn’t seem to mind that he doesn’t respond as the door swings open with an eerie creak. Just before she steps fully inside, she stops. “Oh… Tim?”

“Yes,” he asks, trying to remember if he still has any paracetamol anywhere.

“When is Thursday?”

[dreamii-yume]

Riddle and his Darling have been couple for some time now but Darling realised that she had fallen in love with someone else! This results to her cheating behind the Queen of Heartslabyul’s back. What happens when he founds out, I wonder~?

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

♥︎ Warnings ♥︎ Yandere | Non-Con | Cheating | Unhealthy Relationship

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Sipping on the tea prepared for the two of you and Riddle, you smiled as you took advantage of the silence in this tea session. Your boyfriend, Riddle had asked you to have a private tea time with him. Well, you say ‘asked’ but in truth, it’s more of an order, a demand that you aren’t allowed to refuse. Riddle enjoyed having tea with other people in his dorm, especially along his friends, Trey, Cater, Ace, and Deuce, but today seemed different. He purposely cancelled all his plans to have this time with you, making that alone, already was strange enough.

However, you do know Riddle from a personal perspective, you’re a couple, after all. He may be that strict dorm leader feared by every member of Heartslabyul and never hesitates to punish anyone breaking the rules, but in the inside, he was a delicate boy. He didn’t have an enjoyable childhood like everyone else so you could guess that he was just making the time of his life right now. Therefore, requests like these are another one of his childish tendencies, meaning he wanted attention from you, his girlfriend. That would be fine in itself, you played that role multiple times for him many times since becoming his lover, however...

This was different.

“How was the tea, (Y/N)?” It took every bit of your nerves to not flinch at his sudden voice. You looked up at him with the usual smile you put on. A smile that you worked so hard to perfect.

“It’s delicious, Riddle.” You said, staring at the dark substance inside the cup. “It looked bitter at first glance but it’s actually very sweet.”

“Yes, that’s the peculiar thing about black tea. I’m glad you like it.” Riddle said with his eyes closed. His lack of smiling was somehow unusual to you. Normally, he would’ve had a small smile, at least. Now that you think about it, he hasn’t been smiling a whole lot this day, it was kinda concerning. You’re only guess is that he must’ve had been in a bad mood, perhaps another rule breaker?

You remained silent, not because you ran out of words to keep the conversation going but you merely liked the silence. That’s what makes tea time so tranquil, wasn’t it? However, before you could indulge in that peace, you heard Riddle placed his cup down with an audible clang. His tea wasn’t finished just yet, in fact, it looked like he barely drank from it at all. This made you look up at him in wonder. “...Riddle?” You called, scanning him for any sort of problem.

“...I’ll be direct, (Y/N).” Riddle said, still had his eyes closed, you gulped out of nervousness. His tone was different, there was something here and you were desperately trying to find what it is. It was like a storm was about to pass, he was being too quiet about this, like the calm before the storm.

Then, your red-haired boyfriend slowly opened his eyes, showing you his shining grayish blue eyes. His gaze was really digging into your soul, it was making you uncomfortable. Out of habit, you gulped, you couldn’t figure out what that expression on his face was. “...What is it?” You tried calling out to him once again, trying to hide your nervousness by keeping that smile intact to your face. Although you cursed yourself for failing to keep them straight.

Riddle leaned his chin down on his hands, his gaze never leaving your nervous form. “Yesterday at exactly 4 in the afternoon, near the school store, who was that guy?” He asked. “That guy you were so fondly hugging with?”

You flinched, your smile slowly crumbling away. You were not expecting your boyfriend to say such thing. At least, not this soon. “Eh...?” It was the only respond that you can give. “Who...you say...?”

He found out.

You tried with all your might to keep your body calm, to not let yourself give away so easily. But your state of mind was screaming in panic, thus, your body had no choice but to follow after it. Sweat was coming out of your pores, you hid your trembling hands onto your thighs, your back was straight but your shoulders were twitching, you tried maintaining eye contact only to find yourself blinking repeatedly. Clearly anyone, let alone Riddle, could already tell that you were lying, you were never really a good liar from the start anyway. What makes you think that you can hide something as serious as this one?

What makes you think that you can hide the fact that you were cheating on him?

“...He’s...A friend.” You tried to keep your answers simple and short, afraid to revealing any more than you should. All the while ignoring the fact that you chose to say such a pathetic lie, out of every lie available. You failed to notice how your head was slowly hanging down, completely wiping away the eye contact you were maintaining.

Riddle hummed, choosing to ignore the mess you’re slowly becoming to be. It’s as if he was testing the waters before diving straight in. Instead, he straightened his poise on the chair. “I see...” He said, you were not looking at him but you could feel him glaring down at you. “Is that all? Is there any more you’re not telling me?”

Riddle was walking towards you, oh God, he was walking towards you. His heels were stepping on grass, therefore there was no sound to hear yet ironically enough, it was what makes this whole situation deafening. The silence that you thought were so serene just a moment ago was now terrfyingly eerie. Finally, he stopped in front of you. You could see his boots parked infront of you.

You couldn’t answer Riddle’s question, you didn’t want to lie anymore. What was the point? But you were scared on what he will do if you affirmed his question. So, you kept quiet, waiting for him to talk instead.

Then, you felt cold fingers grazing your chin, forcing you to look up. Startled, you didn’t even try to fight it and just followed what he wanted you to do and looked up at him. The moment you did however, it felt like your lungs stopped pumping in air when you saw that look in his eyes. Eyes widened with his pupils dilated, he was wearing an unknown expression.

Was it anger? Was it disappointment? Was it both? You have no idea.

“Come to my room tonight when you feel like talking, (Y/N).” Riddle said, letting go of your chin. People would say that it was a gracious thing to say but to you, that felt like a threat. “But this time, I won’t forgive any lies.”

Then, without any further actions, he turned his heel around. “Don’t you even dare try to run away.” Riddle growled, the first time this day that he showed some sort of familiar emotion yet, it only made your fear worse. He looked at you behind his shoulders, you gulped. His eyes were terrifying. “Remember that I’ll find you no matter what.”

Without any other words, Riddle walked away, leaving you dumbfounded and the sweets on the table was left uneaten. When he was out of sight, you let out a deep breath that you didn’t know that you were holding that long. You clenched your chest as you hang on the table for support. Your whole body was trembling, you don’t even know if you could stand up without stumbling over. Tears began pricking in the sides of your eyes and your lips quaked.

With trembling hands you quickly wiped them away. Riddle hasn’t done anything but give you mental pressure, why are you crying? If he was angry then it was understandable, you were the one who did an unforgivable act. You don’t have the right to feel like a victim. Calming yourself down, you wanted to settle this once and for all.

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Continue the spice~?

[yandere-romanticaa]

Dazai Osamu.

yandere! alphabet

@dazailover2020 and several others asked: Could you please do the yandere alphabet for Dazai?

A - Attribute: What brought on this side of them? What made them suddenly click?

It was most likely the moment he knew that he could trust his darling. He had asked them to do something for him, and even with his odd behaviour they still completed the task without question...

B - Blood: If they're extreme, how messy are they willing to get?

If I'm being totally honest with you, Dazai would much rather keep his hands clean but he will play dirty. Killing someone off, to him at least, should be a bit easier with simple poison, rather then to just hunt them down and stab them to death. Nah, he has better things to do! He will enjoy the hunt though, but when he catches his rival, they are done for.

C - Cope: Do they try to deal with this jelaousy sooner so that they don't lash out?

I imagine that when Dazai gets jelaous, he becomes incredibly cold. His gaze is no longer warm and playful, but instead it is filled with absolute rage. And on his face is no longer that carefree smile his s/o is so used to seeing, but instead it's a smile full of malice and ill intent. He will try not to take out his anger on his s/o, just as long as they behave that is. One wrong move, and Dazai will be forced to be just a little bit more strict...

D - Death: Do they feel any sorrow for their victims at all?

The answer is a stone cold no. He feels no remorse for the vile pigs that try to take his precious darling away from him. They got what they deserved in the end.

E - Earnest: Are they intense?

Dazai is the very definition of tense, but he is too unpredictable when it comes to it. One moment he is the flirty, cheerful guy that everyone adores, while the next moment he might as well have a knife pressed against his darlings little throat.

F - Fight: How would they feel if you fought back against them?

Dazai would find this amusing, adorable even. Oh, his little princess thinks that she can get away from him? Two can play that game sweetheart~. He hates disobedience but damn does he love a fun little game of cat and mouse!

G - Game: How much would they enjoy watching you run and have a fearfulexpression?

Dazai is a sadist, but if his darling is well behaved he will treat them nicely and he only wants them to be happy. But, Dazai makes it crystal clear that he is the dominant one and if s/o ever steps out of line... Well, he will definetly make them scream in more ways then one.

H - Hell: What would be your worst expirience with them?

Honestly, every time he's pissed is absolutely horrible. There isn't a single worst time because after each and every session he is just as brutal as ever. It's just smarter to avoid this side of his altogether, but it's just impossible to cometely avoid it...

I - Iron: How emotionally stable would you be throught the events that unfold?

If we're talking about Port Mafia! Dazai, he is then a lot more twisted, cruel and maybe even a little insane. ADA! Dazai though has his mind intact. Even when he is at his worst, Dazai is still completely sane and he is fully aware of what he is doing. He's aware of the pain he is causing, he is aware that he is hurting other people, but that just doesn't matter.

J - Jet: How fast would it happen for them to go yandere?

Faster then he would like to admit. He first finds his darling to be absolutely adorable but over time it has become painful for him to be separated from his little belladonna. He's amazed at how another human being was able to pique his interest for so long, and because of that he becomes a full blown yandere rather quickly.

K - Kill: Would they hurt anyone to get you?

Of course he would! And his techniques of doing so always vary, so better be careful with him! He gets a real kick out of messing with his victims as well so things can go out of hand at times...

L - Lonely: How much loneliness would they feel if you two were apart?

He can be so dramatic when it comes to this, it's almost even funny. He'll complain non stop to Kunikida, Atsushi and everyone else in the agency of just how much he misses his darling, how his poor heart will stop beating if he is separated from her for too long...! But one thing is for sure, the moment Dazai sees his s/o again, they better be prepared for cuddles that go on for hours!

M - Might: How agressive would they be towards you?

Ah, he can be really damn scary and harsh, but only when he needs to be. He would prefer that his s/o learns right from the get go to behave, but a single mistep is enough for Dazai to snap.

N - Next: Would they ever move on after you?

He wouldn't be able to, simple as that. His s/o is his raison d'etre, his ikigai, his soulmate. Dazai has waited far too long for his prayers to be answered, and with s/o by his side things just feel right. He is not alone and he can love and be loved.

O - Opression: How many rights would they take away from you?

Quite a lot actually. Even if his darling is always perfect, even if his darling obeys every single one of his wishes, they shall still lose all of their freedom and conections with the outside world. They don't need that anyway, not when they have Dazai.

P - Prize: Would they conzider this a game?

He would at the beggining, but later on he just wants his darling to just be his and he will put an end to this little game once and for all.

Q - Quality: Would they be secretive or flashy about what they do?

He's subtle, he'd rather avoid trouble. He does love it when other people notice the bruises and hickeys on s/o's neck though, but that's as far as he's willing to go.

R - Rain: Would they keep you trapped inside forever?

Yes. The only time when s/o is allowed to go out though is when Dazai takes them out on a date or a little walk. Nothing else is needed, especially if they can just enjoy the comfort of home!

S - Stalker: Would they stalk you? How intense would it go?

Heck yes. Dazai is a pretty big stalker, but he doesn't exactly have the time to always follow his s/o around. If the oppurtunity shows up he will take it, but he has just hidden all sorts of cameras and recording devices in s/o's house, clothes, phone...

T - Turmoil: Would they force you to team up with them?

Depends on the task. If it's too dangerous that it is out of the question, but he'll be more then happy to let his s/o help him when it comes to paperwork and such!

U - Usage: Would they use you to get what they desire?

Well, considering that his s/o is the only thing he truly desires, then no he would not.

V - Version: Would they do anything diffirent from the classic yandere?

Hmm, well considering that he has more conections then your average yandere, most likely! The guy is shady as Hell, but he knows even shadier people who owe his massive debts and favours...

W - Wild card: A random yandere headcanon.

He loves seeing his s/o in cute costumes, but what he loves the most is seeing them in cat ears. He just finds it adorable and sexy at the same time, you know?

X - Xenophobia: How much would they get angry from their jelaousy?

Dazai's anger is bitter and cold, and whenever he feels jelaous he is quick to become touchy. He'll make out with his s/o right in the middle of the street if it's needed, just as long as his point gets across.

Y - Yandere: How many crimes would they commit?

Quite a lot, but they would all be really well covered. No one would know about them, not even the ADA.

[snarkwrites]

FFT: you and your high horse; shane walsh

Notes:

So.. This goes with Evie and Shane’s timeline, and this is the version in which the apocalypse happens and they wind up together.

Summary:

Evie and Shane are arguing... again. Evie finally explodes about her problem with Shane being so /helpful/ to Lori and... Things get heated. Kissing.

Pairing:

Shane Walsh x OFC, Evie ( fits into the timeline in which they wind up together at the end.)

Warnings:

arguments, mentions of zombies, that’s pretty much it..

“I can’t believe I’m stuck here with you. Of all people.” Evie blew at a strand of hair that fell into her eyes and winced at the tone of her own voice. While he wasn’t looking, she found herself staring at him and just sort of shaking her head. He wasn’t the guy she loved anymore. He hadn’t been for a while now and frankly, that scared the living hell out of her. She kept telling herself that she was done, that obviously, she hadn’t really mattered, hell.. He was all over Lori every time she turned around lately. They weren’t sharing a tent anymore, they barely spoke and if they did, it wound up in a heated argument. No matter how much she kept telling herself that she was done, she knew deep down it was a lie. Maybe that’s why she kept on the defensive, kept him at arms length… Practically pushing him right into my sister in law’s arms, that’s what I’m doing, the thought had Evie giving a quiet bitter laugh as she tore her eyes off him and peeked out.

The walkers were still hanging around, outnumbering the two of them and their combined weapons by twenty at least. Their current situation was completely her fault. She just had to go barging in here, she just had to be right. She had to see for herself that there was nothing left to be gotten. Most of all, she’d just… Had to get away because even looking at Shane bought all the pain and bitterness rushing right back.

“Yeah, I ain’t real thrilled about bein stuck with you either, Evie.” Shane didn’t bother looking up, choosing instead to focus on the small cluster of walkers milling around by their only potential exit. He wasn’t about to risk letting her see the hurt in his eyes. Or the panic he still hadn’t worked himself down from over her close call not even ten minutes ago. “Looks like the horde’s set in. And now that storm that was brewin earlier is worse too. See? See now why I told ya this place wasn’t a good damn idea, woman? No… You just had to bust in here anyway, almost get yerself killed and for what, huh? Fuckin shoes? Body wash? Some other trivial piece of shit y’ just had t’ have? You an’ yer high horse almost got bit, woman. And yer seriously gon sit here and start… Nevermind. Y’ made it real clear how much y’ want any part of me lately.”

Evie winced at the sound of his voice right up until it cracked and she realized that he wasn’t angry, he was panicking.. And he had been panicking for a while now. And the realization had her staring at him and thinking long and hard about everything that had taken place over the past three weeks they’d been dealing with this apocalyptic life.

At our worst, Evie shook her head sadly. Before all this? She never would’ve just pushed Shane away without even telling him what was wrong or what she felt he was doing wrong. It wasn’t in her to give up, let go without a fight. But everything she’d been through prior to now had taken it’s toll. Changed her. Made her so afraid to push back, to let Shane know when he was fucking up or hurting her, to fight for anything that she’d kind of… Been letting him get the impression that maybe she didn’t care. He wasn’t blameless, but no more than he wasn’t blameless, she was finally seeing another cold hard truth.. She wasn’t the victim either.

She had her own equal part in the implosion of their relationship. And sitting here now, still reeling from an almost certain death and knowing that he’d risked his own life to save her without any hesitation… She was realizing also that she didn’t want this to be over. That she wanted to fight. That she needed him and that no matter what, she loved him and he loved her.

“Me and my high horse? What about all of this Lori needs me bullshit, huh? What about me needin you, Shane? Or does that even matter? Maybe that’s why I…” Evie choked up and Shane glanced over, his face softening as soon as the shock of her finally showing some fight for the first time in weeks wore off.

“Why what?” Shane questioned, his tone firm, almost demanding. “I asked ya a question, Evie.”

“Maybe that’s why I ran in here. Because I had to get away from all the fucking doubt in my head.”

“Doubts about what, huh? What has you so scared that ya had to run right into this shit on yer own?” Shane flinched at his tone and honestly, given the way she’d been retreating and just… letting go the past few weeks, he honestly figured she’d clam up and she’d start to cry. To his surprise, she didn’t cry at all.

She looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. “Me and you. Every single fucking time I turn around, you’re with her. And damn it, I love you. I need you right now, Shane. Fuck.” the jealousy, despite all attempts to keep it out, crept into her tone before she could stop it. And maybe it was a good thing it did, because Shane seemed to catch on to it, staring at her, biting his lip, taking a few deep breaths.

He moved closer and for once, Evie didn’t try to back away, she didn’t try to retreat or backpeddle on what she’d just said. She stared him down, an almost defiant gleam in blue eyes, waiting. Her breath caught in her throat as he pulled her into his lap, arms going around her, squeezing tight, his hands raised and dragged through thick and slightly sweat matted blonde hair, tugging it to make her focus on him, look at him and not down or away.

Not that she intended to. Not this time, no. She’d done more than enough of that in the past. If she were going to just lay it all out there like this, she was going to own it.

“I need you too, darlin.” Shane muttered quietly, leaning in, tucking his fingers beneath her jaw to keep her eyes on him as he closed the distance between their mouths. “All you had t’ do was say it bothered you, woman.”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that. You should know already.” Evie muttered, nipping at his lower lip, tugging hard enough to almost swell it. Shane groaned quietly, mirroring what she’d just done, muttering “You’re right. I shoulda. Everything just went t’ hell and I didn’t know what t’ fuckin do.”

“You focus, Shane. You focus on me and you and whatever the fuck it takes to survive. You help out, but for fucks sake, you don’t let that woman think she’s got even a hint of a way in because she’ll take and take and I… I’m just always afraid there’s somethin there between both of you. Always have been.”

“And then all this happens.” Shane shook his head, wanting to kick himself because thinking back on it, he’d been blind. Too blind. Too quick to offer himself up every single chance given by the wrong people. Helping was fine, but Lori developed a tendency to depend too heavily.. And now, for the first time in the entire time he’d known Evie, he was starting to realize that what happened after her brother got shot and Lori got needy was literally one of her worst fears.

“I hate bein jealous of her. I hate it so much. Makes me no better than her.” Evie’s mouth delved into the kiss deeper, a hand raising to tangle and tug at his hair as she pulled him in more, shifting in his lap and shivering as soon as she felt what happened as a result. “But I’ve always kinda just…Been jealous. No matter what I do to try and stop it.”

“Fuck.” the k lingered heavily between them as the kiss broke and Shane wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand just staring at her. Her fingers caught in the 22 on the chain around his neck and Shane stared her down intently a second or two before slipping it off, lowering it down around her neck, his fingers drifting up and curling around it as he looked her in the eye. “No more, okay? From now on, we’re only gonna focus on us. We’ll help, yeah.. But I ain’t losin you. And darlin… you’re never gonna lose me.”

Evie nodded, taking a few shaky breaths. “ I have got to learn t’ explode in safer conditions.” and Shane chuckled quietly, nodding his head. “Yeah, darlin, y’ really do. Ya gotta promise me somethin.” he eyed her expectantly, pausing a few seconds to brush hair out of her eyes and Evie nodded, waiting on him to say whatever it was.

“Stop hangin onto shit and talk to me. If you woulda said somethin… I mean hell, I shoulda known better, I ain’t sayin this ain’t all my fault because it is.. But ya can’t just hang onto stuff and dwell on it til ya finally explode. Tell me when I’m fuckin up.”

“I promise.” Evie managed a small smile, taking a deep breath and nodding to the food court just beyond where they were hidden. “I think they’re movin on.” she noted, the group of walkers out there was dwindling slightly, some of them were slipping out a side exit.

“We’ll give ‘em a few more minutes, maybe try to sneak out th’ back way.”

[thepeakyfckingblinders]

Of Forbidden Kisses And Wrenching Promises || Ada Shelby x fem!reader

⤠ MASTERLIST⤟

Anon requested: “hey, could I request prompt 20 for Ada please? your writing is amazing btw! ”  (Thank you love ♡)

Summary:  n.20 from my prompt list: “As long as I am alive” Warnings: swearing, mentions of family abuse, references to homophobic harassment, maybe angst

Author’s notes:

I just reached 357 followers, yay! Thank you so much babes ♡

Behind each one of these works there are sleepless nights and something really close to multiple mental breakdowns, so, please, take a minute to send me a message about it, I need actual feedbacks to understand how to improve my skills and grow ♡

PLEASE, IF YOU’RE A VICTIM OF ANY SORT OF ABUSE, SEEK FOR HELP, YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS ALONE.

I’m sorry for being this late, but I’ve been really busy in the past days and writing is never just easy, it demands concentration and effort, plus I don’t want you to be disappointed, so I’m always extra accurate while working. I hope this is worth the wait!

I assumed this was a request for an Ada x female reader, if I misunderstood your message, I’m so so so sorry, contact me and I’ll do my best to make your wishes come true!

If you want to be added to my tag list, please, directly message me

I’m Italian, English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for every possible mistake I made. Also, please, help me improve my writing by telling me if there’s something wrong

ENJOY!

When the first reticent knock hit the rugged surface of her door, Ada was still pacefully immersed in a deep slumber. She dreamt of an exquisite white dress  made of voile and organza, soft and floaty in the late March bitter air, the nectarous parfume of uncountable orange blossoms garnishing the marble altar, a small church crowded with her loved ones, slightly anxious due to the endless wait. Actually, more than once, her subconscious had previously set up similar romantic scenarios thanks to her evergreen imagination. Truth was that, buried in her heart, laid a burning desire for that special day to come soon, only God knew how much she wanted to walk down the aisle on the arm of her beloved eldest brother, always keeping her fond eyes locked with her lover’s ones; and, no matter how fully aware she was that her fantasies never would have come true, at least nobody could deprive her of those tender imaginary moments.

But then, just as the opening notes of the wedding march resounded in the bright nave, a series of new blows, this time much heavier and more insistent, rabidly stole her from her sweet dreams, making her eyelids flinch with dismay. Barely a minute passed, as her drowsy brain struggled to retrieve enough lucidity, yet again a pair of apparently restless fists caught her attention. ”Someone better be dying, it’s fucking 3 a.m.!” With that angry groan, followed by a few abrupt movements, she rolled out of bed without even wearing her woolen housecoat, and, careless of the cold, she hastily reached for the door, ready to shout in Tommy’s cocky face all of her annoyance for that rude disruption of her serene sleep. Still, when she peeped into the corridor, Thomas was not there, and her breathe cracked as she found herself unexpectedly contemplating a horryfying sight, to say the least.

Your trembling figure was standing right in front of her, pure painc contaminating your martyred face, while your y/e/c eyes, as dire as stravation, disturbingly stared at Ada with blind terror swimming in them. The shock was overwhelming, to the point that one of her hands instinctively went to cover her open mouth, partially muffling her shaking voice which came out in an almost unaudible sigh. “Oh my God, y/n, what have they done to you?” She carefully led you inside the room before closing the door behind your shoulders, so many questions were torturing her mind as her fingers gently started to trace the limbs of the multiple bruises deturping your angelic features. Your swollen eyes were cordoned by several black and blue marks, greenish welts covered your cheekbones, multiple bad cuts defaced your brow, the bridge of your nose, your wonderful lips; for an endless moment, her heartbeat stopped, and a violent feeling of nausea forcefully climbed her throat, when the mere thought of the rest of your poor body ran through her groggy head. “M-my father… he saw us, I-I don’t know how… I don’t kn-now… He found out, he’s…” Your chest raised and lowered at an unbearable rate, clearly showing the destructive effects of a recent trauma on your frail self, you didn’t even seem able to formulate proper sentences, since they sporadically spilled out of your mouth in fleeble sobs, so you decided to pause that unquiet rambling for a brief moment, tightly shutting your eyes closed and desperately pressing your wet cheek against Ada’s left palm, despite the sharp pain, because you irremediably needed to feel her close in order to regain strength. However, by the time your blurry gaze returned on her, you saw large tears stream on her porcelain face too. A dull ache radiated through your sternum due to that excruciating view, and you forced yourself to hold back your crying, somehow managing to appear calmer; the two of you had to deal with that cruel reality, there was no way you could avoid it, moreover you were quickly running out of time as the clock kept dangerously ticking.  “He’s sending me to an institute in French, Ada. A-a ship is leaving in a couple hours and-” Before you could pronounce your next word, she impetuosly got away from your half embrace, prey of her own rage and consternation, aghast to hear that terrible news. “No! He can’t do that, fucking hell, no!”  Those hysteric shrieks erupted from her stinging craw while her hands ended up between her short curly hair in a gesture of silent vexation, her feet eluded the control of her mind, frenetically starting to drag her from one side of the bedroom to another, as if those irrational movements could help her figure out a solution. “We can’t let him-… w-we have to do something, there must be something we can do!”

Her agonizing loud cries tore your ears and soul apart, actual weeps were now leaving her pale lips, in part illuminated by the silver light of the moon radiating through the windows, then her bluish irises pierced yours, expressing all of her destructive sorrow and having a massive knot form in your throat, mercilessly obstaculating your already irregular ventilation. Carefully, you approached her, stretching out your arms in her direction, until your palms enfolded her gelid face; your thumbs began to warmly rub her skin, whiping some tears here and there, with such a care conceivable only thanks to the deepest love.

“Ada, my love, listen to me. I have to go, for our sake” your forehead slowly joined to hers, while you whispered those words to convince yourself as well that that was the right choice to make “my father… he-e threatened to report us to the police. And look at me, look what he’s done to me, he w-will kill us both, if I don’t leave today” Suddenly her fingers entangled yours, still laid on her soft cheeks, and you watched a spark of hope grow in her dilated pupils. “We can run away, Tommy will help us find a place, we can-” You slightly nodded your head no, painfully biting your lips because of your fervent frustration. You knew she was not thinking straight, your family had been in business with the Peaky Blinders for three years now, your father was a dangerous man, any sort of interference with that awful situation would’ve certainly disrupted the delicate balance between the two clans.

“Thomas can’t help us, he will always find me. I had to sneak out of the window to see you tonight, walking in the shadow like a filthy thief. Pol helped me, but God knows what will happen, if he finds out. I have to leave.” You brought your mouth to cover hers, temporarily dampening her desperate wailings, holding her body close, in attempt to make her perceive all of your affection, deliberately ignoring the soreness of your injuried ribs. For those few minutes all of your affliction disappeared, you passionately kissed your lover till you literally run out of breathe, but again, you didn’t care, and you just went on; until Polly entered the room with death floating in her dark irises. “Y/n, we need to go now, there is no much time left, darling" Her aunt’s subdued tone was evidently borne by melancholy, she looked at your entangled figures with the ken of a woman who had experienced the sour taste of separation, it felt like having your heart ripped out of your chest, she had felt so many kinds of pain, but none of them was nearly comparable to that tremendous grief. With a last peck on your lips, Ada took your hands and placed them at the height of her beating heart. “I’ll look for you, for as long as I am alive. And I’ll find you, no matter how long it takes, I will bring you back home, y/n, I promise.”

tag list: @namelesslosers; @shadow-of-wonder; @spidey-pal

[wilhelmjfink]

“It’s Them” (3/3)

A/N: third of three parts, i promise, no more. this was really weird to write b/c I’ve never written about hating Daryl LOL but Negan is super fun for me to write b/c I, too, am a charming and perverted asshole who swears way too much

enjoy xoxo

“Hey,” Lola repeated herself harshly, an inch from your face to catch your attention after she’d watched the color drain from your face. Eyes wide as saucers you stood frozen, trapped inside your own little world until she nudged you harshly enough to bring you back to her. “You good? Who’s ‘them’?”

You hadn’t ever anticipated running into them again, especially not after it had been so long and you’ve travelled so far and ran into so many communities. In the back of your mind, you suppose you just assumed they’d died, falling victim to the plague or at the hands of another human they crossed paths with. You recognized most of them, though the days had taken their toll on them and showing the hardships they faced through tired eyes and scars and long, unkempt hair. The kid was taller, forced out of his fair shot at a normal childhood and into the unrelenting life you all lived as a responsible, tactical fighter. A survivor.

Were they the only ones left? Three of the original ten or twelve people you’d  holed up with at the very beginning of it all? You’d always known the archer would make it — Daryl.  His name sent an unwelcome chill down your spine, memories of stone cold glares and harsh words and insults being thrown your way resurfacing against your will. He didn’t look good at all, blood staining the front of his clothing and a bright, vibrant contrast against his pale skin, dark, hooded eyes... you felt a pang of sadness strike before burying it back underneath the betrayal and hurt with ease.

You watched Negan as he sauntered back and forth before the crew, talking out of his ass as usual, outlining his ground rules and how things worked for him. You’d seen it dozens of times, and it always seemed to work, groups falling beneath his reign of terror and obeying him like some sort of diety.  You’d always joked to him that he was lucky he was good looking or you might never take him seriously.

He mentioned something about a woman who looked deathly ill as she tried her best to keep upright in a kneeling position and it sent Glenn reeling, jumping up from his seat and scrambling toward her, begging for her safety.

“Get ‘em back in line,” Negan said gruffly to the men who had grabbed your old friend. You watched him rub a tired hand on the scruff of his beard and heard him mutter about shaving, and you rolled your eyes to yourself.

The lecture went on and Negan’s voice rose with each word, and when his sights landed on Daryl and you knew instantly what was on his mind: Daryl was a force to be reckoned with and it showed through his body language, his stone-cold eyes that glared Negan down fearlessly despite his poor condition, and you knew your leader was threatened by it. He still smiled, though, looking carefree and confident as ever, even in the face of Daryl refusing to tell say his name.

But before Negan could do anything drastic about it you figured you’d save him the trouble, knowing Daryl wouldn’t break easily, and you stepped forward from the frontline with a newly discovered confidence in yourself. “His name’s Daryl.”

Negan whipped around, obviously not having expected one of his own soldiers to identify him, let alone you, and the anger on his face diminished to that of almost pleasant surprise and he cocked an eyebrow at you inquisitively.

“Is it now?” He asked you, his tone inflicting upwards in amusement. “Do you know these people, doll? You have a history here with ol’ Daryl?”

He was feeding your anger and you thrived from it, taking in every last ounce of his cocky attitude for your own benefit as you stepped even farther forward into the circle, allowing the floodlights to illuminate your face so your old teammates could finally recognize you in all your mother fucking glory.

“Yeah, you could say that,” you chided, smiling as you watched the horrified realization wash over Rick’s face as he knelt before you. “We go back.”

Negan was observing from behind you, a wide, snake-like grin on his face, enjoying the unexpected turn of events the night had brought him. If there was one thing he loved more than asserting his dominance over someone, it was asserting his dominance over someone with his arm around somebody they used to know. There was a small part of you that had been hesitant to say anything — Negan could be a loose cannon, to say the least, and you weren’t positive your familiarity with the group he’d been hunting for weeks would anger him or not. But from what you could tell at that moment, he was legitimately excited.

“Well, shit,” he sneered, turning between you and the group of your old friends before him. “I do love me a good story.”

You opened your mouth to speak but he stopped you with a gloved finger to your mouth and a commanding stare which, if you were being honest with yourself, stirred up wickedly beautiful butterflies in your stomach that you smothered back down. Not the time.

“As much as I love to hear your voice, doll, I think I wanna hear this one from ol’ Ricky.”

With a flourished wave of his hand he gave Rick the stage with eager anticipation and you couldn’t fight the slightly maniacal chuckle that erupted from deep inside your chest at the sight, excited to hear what he had to say about that fateful night years ago that left you the bitter and untrusting person you were today. Would he try to change it? Would he lie? You had a feeling that, even if he was dumb enough to make up some bullshit story, Negan would see right through it.

Though, you weren’t sure if you’d ever told Negan about your past before. He knew you’d come from a group that left you, but that was it. No names, no details. You wanted to forget it had ever happened.

Rick was absolutely shaken, lips parting while he tried to speak but words failed him, eyes wide as saucers that were like windows allowing you to see right inside to his soul: shocked, incredulous, defeated.

“Today, preferably,” Negan encouraged from beside you impatiently, though it was obvious he was still enjoying himself. It did kick Rick into drive, and he stuttered pathetically while his eyes never left you.

“Y/N, we thought...” the sound of your name leaving his mouth left you angry and your own eyes narrowed, fighting the urge to smack him across the face for it. “We thought you...”

“Died?” You snapped, not allowing him to finish his fragmented thought. Of course they’d thought you died. You wondered if they’d left anyone else behind, too worried about getting themselves out of the hysteria to check for life among the walkers that had wandered in. You laughed cynically; you’d thought of this moment before, but nothing could have prepared you for the whirlwind of emotions you were experiencing. “Well, surprise! I’m still kickin’! No thanks to you guys.”

“We saw you get taken down,” Glenn chimed in from your left, his voice just as unsteady and surprised as Rick’s, almost sounding like he didn’t even believe himself. “We saw the walkers, we saw  them — “

“I don’t care what you saw,” you bit back at him. “If you hadn’t just left me, what you would’ve seen was me fighting for my life, alone, and fucking surviving. But you guys were scared, and you just fucking left me there!”

Nobody spoke amongst the occasional whimpers and sobs. The air around you was still as you fought to contain your anger but ultimately failing to do so, chest heaving, hands balled into fists at your sides.  

“And now, you finally get to fucking pay for it.”

They all stiffened at your words and you smiled, eyes darting to movement as you watched Negan grin and throw a fleeting glance over his each shoulder before leaning to Simon, who stood behind him.

“I dunno about you guys, but I am hard as a rock right now.” He’d intentionally said it loud enough for everyone to hear him and Simon chuckled and shook his head while you merely rolled your eyes with a smile you tried to hide.

You used the momentary pause around you to take into account all the others that you didn’t see there; all the lives lost and all the paths parted. It was an odd feeling, almost nostalgic, and you decided that this was the time to quell the unresolved rage and grudges you were still harboring.

“We’re so sorry,” Rick stammered and you almost laughed in his face. “We...”

“You’re sorry?!” It took a second for you to realize that, yes, you had heard him right. “You think that’s gonna save your asses? You’re fuckin’ sorry?” You shook your head, a breathy laugh trying to subdue the oncoming tears of fury and betrayal you were feeling. “I’m the one that should be sorry!”

On a whim you marched over to Negan and held your hand out expectingly, swooning at the way his tongue snakes across his teeth with that classic shit-eating grin that had nothing but bad and dirty thoughts behind it at the thought of you holding Lucille in your vengeful grasp.

“Oh, my,” his voice was gravelly, so low you almost couldn’t hear it. His dark eyes gave you a once-over, up and down, leaving you feeling deliciously vulnerable under his burning gaze. You could feel your cheeks heat up and the tips of your ears burning under the blush and you struggled to remain as demanding as you had been two seconds prior. “What’s the magic word, babygirl?”

His voice was heavenly and could’ve knocked the senses from you, sending the world around you spinning in the best way and you giggled quietly, clutching onto the anger that was just driving you as it dwindled away.

“You’re making it really hard — “

“You’re telling me,” he smirked, stirring up more violent butterflies inside of you and you were finding  it increasingly difficult to focus.

“You’re making it really fucking difficult to stay mad,” you said through clenched teeth, reaching forward to grasp onto Lucille and not surprised when Negan didn’t instantly let go. But before he could throw in another perverted and deterring remark at you, you wrapped your fingers delicately around her handle and slid your hand down toward the knob, slow and dramatic, allowing Negan to take in your intentionally erotic movements before he looked back to you with furiously hungry eyes and drank in your appearance in the shadowed lights. With one last ounce of self-control you cocked your head at him and, looking up through batting eyelashes, dug deep for your best attempt at looking innocent: “Please, daddy?”

Negan’s eyes about rolled back into his head and he released his grip on Lucille, throwing his head back with a ferocious groan at your response.

“God damn!” He barked the words so loud you noticed several people jump and you laughed, taking the bat in both hands at her grip, admiring her in your grasp. “Let’s get this mother fucking show on the fucking road, folks! I don’t know how much longer I can wait!”

You turned back toward the group on their knees and the wheels in your head began turning, the possibilities endless with Lucille in your hands. Negan snuck up behind you at one point, giving you one last reminder:

“You be real careful with her, doll. Make her feel really good... and we just might return the favor.”

It was your turn to roll your eyes back into your head in ecstasy. His warm breath against your chilled skin was euphoric, and the way his scruff brushed against you harshly only heightened it. You couldn’t even fight the needy whimper that left your lips at the contact and, having heard it clear as day, Negan chuckled deeply as he stepped back and let you have the floor.

“Okay, back at it!” You stepped into action, wanting nothing more for it to be over then so that you could satisfy the commanding hunger and desire you were feeling for Negan, stronger than ever before, the adrenaline from the night mixing into the excitement and emitting a pleasant energy through your veins. Short, sweet and to the point, you were eager to get started and started walking along the lineup before you. “Eeney, meeney, miney, moe...”

mmmmffff :-)))) love me some negan ngl 

thanks for reading!

[stunudo]

Infiltrated: Part 7

A FBI Agent reader thrusts herself in the middle of the Reaper investigation, leaving the BAU questioning if they need her. Foyet unleashes another layer to his manipulation of Aaron Hotchner and his team. Is this consulting agent trustworthy? Something about her tells Hotch that this case is just as important to her as it is him. Can she work both sides of the law to meet her means? A salacious series of smut and betrayal….

Featuring: George Foyet x Female Reader, Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader

Setting: Season 5

A/N:  This is dark and dangerous. Our reader goes by Agent Turner to protect her identity. xoxo Stu

Series

Warnings: Minor mentions of violence, moral repugnancy, and general unsub behavior. Alcohol. Only implied of smut this time.

Your name: submit What is this?

There were days when you felt almost normal: going to work, grabbing groceries, drinking heavily, both coffee and other dark liquids. Then there were patches of time when you felt yourself cracking like a fraying rope, each layer of twine snapping as the two directions you had tied yourself to drew you apart. Splitting you open. The stress had you edgy, the booze made you weepy.

George was angry that you had no sway with the marshals, you told him to go find himself a hole to fill in that agency instead. It was petty, but you weren’t above that at the moment. You needed time to breathe and whenever you closed your eyes you saw Hotch in that hospital bed. It had been twenty days, when your phone rang unexpectedly.

“Turner?” You sat at your desk, mindlessly filling out a report. You coffee cold and your mind unfocused when his gruff voice woke you up.

“Y/N, it’s me.” Aaron Hotchner had all but dropped off the face of the earth since you left his hospital room to give him and his ex-wife privacy.

“Caller ID. How are you?” You kept your voice low and your tone light, each word clipped.

“Been better, apparently being stabbed is a real inconvenience.” He was being glib? Honestly.

“And you call yourself a profiler... So did you need something or just wanted to save me from the mountain of reports I’d rather not do?”

“If you’re busy, Y/N, by all means--”

“Aaron?” You cut him off. “Look, I should be out on time tonight. Do you want me to pick up some take out and stop by?”

“I’m not looking for pity,” He replied simply.

“That’s good, because I don’t feel sorry for you.” You switched ears as you let him work through your bluntness. “Aaron Hotchner, you faced the Reaper and lived to hunt him down. You have my respect.... Now, can I invite myself over or would you rather continue to wallow alone?”

“Call when you’re downstairs, the building’s security has been ramped up.”

You couldn’t help but smirk into the mouthpiece. “7-ish?”

Stepping through the glass doors into the BAU’s bullpen made you feel like a substitute teacher walking in on the wrong lecture. Slowly, the profilers unwrapped their brains from their previous case to acknowledge your presence.

“Sorry to bother you all,” you tried overtly polite as your invitation was getting stale after the attack on their beloved Unit Chief. “Just wanted to check in since, everything.”

Morgan’s eyebrows practically lept off his face, Reid’s mouth drooped widely as JJ froze. Prentiss was the first to break the uncomfortable silence, “Turner, have you been given a copy of the evidence and Hotch’s accounts of the attack?”

“I haven’t received any updates to the case files since Hotch has been out of the office,” you admitted, trying not to take the oversight personally.

“There’s an easy solution and she likes unicorns.” Prentiss smiled without teeth. “Walk with me?”

You fell into step with the raven haired beauty. “Thanks, I didn’t want to barge in, but I want to help. Especially--”

“Since its Hotch?” Her voice wasn’t condescending, it was almost curious. Her wise eyes held a kindness in them, one that you didn’t instinctively turn away from. “Look, we all want to get the bastard, but the others, they sort of circle the wagons when a profiler is down.”

“The strength of the wolf is the pack.” You recited a bit of Kipling.

“Pretty much. I might still be the novice profiler, but I’m not going to turn away an extra brain.” You smiled, appreciating her pragmatism. “Hey, Garcia-”

Prentiss got you squared away with all of the new details and listed on the BAU’s latest communication list with Strauss and the Boston PD. If there was anything more than a blip about Foyet, you’d be one of the first to be alerted. It was time to be a team player.

He woke you by nuzzling your elbow, his nose trailing up your arm as his strong hands found your backside and drew it to him. His breath was warm in the crisp night air, your body melding to his, you clutched his hand in yours, holding it to your heart.

“About time.” You mumbled, letting his huff of amusement fall against your hair. There was something oddly comforting about him lying beside you, his murderous hands stroking your body while at any moment he could end you. Sleeping with George was like sleeping with a boa constrictor, the pressure hurt so good, until you couldn’t take it anymore. Before long you were both asleep, relaxing in the fake safety of your circumstances.

It was just before dawn when he started with the questions, each one pulling you closer to consciousness until his voice was desperate.

“Y/N, are fucking Hotchner?!” It was a strangled plea. You sat up blinking, staring at George as if he was a figure from a dream come to life.

“What’s going on? What are you talking about?” Your heart banged against your chest, the shock of being woken and accused in the same instant adding to the adrenaline. He stood over your bed, dangling your work phone above your face like the proverbial carrot on a stick.

“Lots of calls for someone on medical leave... look here a winky emoticon.”

You rolled over and hid your head in between your pillows, there was nothing he could have figured out from that phone anyway. He was jumping to conclusions and all you had to do was maintain a perfect level of annoyance before he would drop the subject entirely. You kind of hated how much you could predict his moods at this point. Narcissistic ass.

You groaned dramatically and pulled the duvet up to your chin, leaving him to stew in his search. He plopped down at your feet not ten minutes later, almost sheepishly. “Done with your little tantrum?” you asked, not bothering to open your eyes.

He had stripped in his sleep, wearing just his shorts. His tawny body hunched over as he licked his teeth at your sass. “God, there isn’t anything better than making you eat your words, Y/N.”

Your head perked up, catching his drift.

You knew he was ready to get back on that jet, ready to be the man he was before he was broken and robbed of his family. But you didn’t want him back at Headquarters, not yet. You were far from a poster child of healthy coping habits, but you could spot the anger and bitterness before it slipped from his mouth. The stress of profiling would only exacerbate the resentment, but, naturally he passed every interview and clearance exam.

He was set to start in the morning, the files and photos covered his dining table. You had only been over a handful of times, just meals and movies. You made it clear that you wouldn’t overstep and he made it clear that he wasn’t ready to be with you, yet. That strand of possibility that brought you back and kept you at arm’s length.

“Tomorrow’s the big day, huh?” You made small talk, glancing briefly at the images you had memorized.

“Has the team kept you up to date on the case?” Hotch was in his concerned teacher mode.

“There hasn’t been much to update, unless--”

“Unless he kills again.” You pursed your lips at the stalemate you both felt. “Y/N, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you and before I do, I want to assure you that this stays between us, unless it is absolutely necessary to the case.”

Your stomach fell through the floor, his tone was methodical as if he was walking you through a cognitive interview. It made your skin crawl.

“Shoot.” You tried blase.

“Were you ever going to tell me who you were?” He watched you with those tar pit eyes, waiting for you to slip up.

“I was waiting for you to remember me. We met.” You bobbed your head, “Before.”

“Y/N Y/L/N, daughter to George Foyet’s fifth and sixth victims.” Hotch recited your past stoically, as only he could. “I remember a devastated teenager telling me to do my damn job. Contacts?”

“And Botox.” You shrugged. “Where does that leave us?”

@benedictcumberbatchstolemyheart @a-unique-girls-heaven @gummiishark @rottendaisies @sunnygubler @lovebodymindstuff @archaic-zugswang @darkheartednerdwithglasses @mikri-oneiropola @princesswagger14 @justwinchesterme96 @profiler-in-training @kennybud @onlyalittleteenwolfobsessed @conversations-with-you-61065 @dontshootmespence @moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown @cynbx @cherry-loves-fanfic @hotchnerfuckmeup @illegalcerebral @omallieallie @creativecody16 @kandii395 @tiny-potato-lives @april1535 @gabriellewritermua @daisydukes34 @fandomsxo @sonhadoraativa @nea90sweetie @mimiashton @thespaceprincess @emeliapondraggedymanfan @hgal @yellow-goddess @kindlekix @shawtygonemad @praisethetalos @fand0trash03 @sweetmurder12345 @etp666 @briannavillian @heartsaved @beingbluntlyblount @musicalglitterunicorn @burningmusicmachine @whatwhatwhat

[tabrishawkelavellan]

Can I ask E, M, O, R, and Y for Emory? I wanna know more about her! :D (I'll be able to answer you asks for me once I get home tonight! Thanks!!!)

Thanks for the ask, dear! <3E: External Personality1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?Emory doesn’t really mask her motives. If she’s doing something because she’s feeling a certain way...you’ll know it. She comes across as angry and bitter most of the time, but there’s rare moments where a softer side is shown, usually because of Alistair and she has a special soft spot for elven children she comes across. 2. do they do things that conform to the norm?Not really. Fitting in was never Emory’s primary concern. Cyrion just wished she’d at least keep her penchant for playing with knives and picking locks a little more on the down low. The fact that she agreed at all to the arranged marriage was a big surprise to him and Valendrian both. 3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?She’d do her own thing. Small fads cropped up from time to time, but unless it was a way to put food in her family’s bellies...why bother? 4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?Modern AU: Emory has a prepaid flip-phone that she loses more than she uses it, and no computer. She’s broke as hell.Alistair keeps her up to date on sweet memes though. 5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?Let people figure it out. She doesn’t specifically try to give off any sort of ‘type’, she’s just who she is. People can take it or leave it. M: Maternal1. would they want a daughter or a son?Emory would prefer to have sons. There’s an entirely different form of violence geared towards elven women that she wouldn’t wish on her daughters. In fact- that’s where he face tattoos come from. It was hoped they’d make her less desirable to humans. 2. how many children do they want?Initially, Emory didn’t want children. Growing up in the Alienage there was a lack of resources and it seemed selfish to want to bring another life into that. She was okay with the idea of taking in children if needed though. She was used to looking after Soris and Shianni, and would have no issue doing the same for any kids that might need it. She’s content with the one son she and Alistair do have. Things would be different if he wasn’t King, or if she was allowed to marry him. But keeping one Old God, elven, bastard offspring hidden is enough work...no sense throwing any more into the mix. 3. would they be a good parent?Above anything else Emory would see her child looked after and know they were loved. She left the Order, but that doesn’t mean she’s without the bindings that come with the Joining and being a Warden. She knows she has a limited amount of time to be involved and she’d do her best to teach her child as much as she could before the Calling claims her. 4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?She and Alistair name their son Nelaros- after her betrothed. She still feels guilt over his death, and she never wants him to be forgotten. 5. would they adopt?Oh, yes. There’s no shortage of orphans among the elves. Either victims of human violence, starvation, sickness, etc. Emory firmly believes in looking after her own.    O: Optimism1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?Pessimistic. 2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?Not even remotely. She won’t go after others for being optimistic though and doesn’t see them as being naive or stupid. Shianni is more optimistic than she is and it brings a good balance in their family. 3. are they good at giving advice?She’d like to think so, but her advice for most problems would probably be “have you tried stabbing them?” She does give Alistair decent counsel when he needs it. He’s more the type to seek peaceful solutions but Emory is good at letting him know when exercising force might be more beneficial. 4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?Shianni and Soris are much needed optimistic lifeboats for her. 5. were they always optimistic?When she was little...sure. Before Adaia was killed and before she had her first unfortunate run-in with shem. After that she wasn’t quite the same and took on a more dour personality.R has already been done in a prevous ask! <3 Y: You1. how old were you when you created them?25! 2. what inspired you to create them?Just..playing Dragon Age Origins. I wanted to be an elf, and not a mage. Stabby elf lady sounded fun.  3. were they different when they were first created?I played the game the first time, and then went back immediately and played it again with Emory which is when I started coming up with a more concrete story and narrative for her, and taking more care to make the right decisions for her as a character. 4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?Yes, actually. 5. what’s your favorite thing about them?I actually really enjoy her development from being the person that was always relied on, to finding others that she herself can rely on. It’s a learning curve for her, accepting help and love but it’s an important lesson for her. Her personality is also just...fun. She’s very sarcastic and quick-witted. 

[rippermartyrstefan-blog]

No Devils Left in Hell (6)

Niklaus "Blind love doesn't suit you, Caroline. But what more could I expect from Innocence?" he said, dismissively. "You're too afraid to see the truth. That he's become one of us. That it happened so easily, so quickly." And it could happen to her. Would happen, if things went the way Niklaus wanted them to. So far, she'd been stronger than he expected. More of an opponent than a victim. But he had won more than she thought he had. Even after such a short time together, she was harsher. More willing to lash out. Like now, for example. She knew how to get to him. To make him feel raw and angry and... unwanted by her. "You have made that clear to me. But I don't accept it, not yet. Why else would I feel the... wanting, that I do for you if there was no connection? If, for some reason, you were not meant to be the one I rule with, share my throne and subjects and life with?" 4:55 PM

Caroline It was the first time he had dismissed her in such a way, made her feel small, and Caroline's face slightly drops. He had always thought of her as more then Innocence, but that seemed to be changing. "Perhaps you only think it doesn't suit me because it's for another." She whispers, finally reaching her door. "You haven't squashed all of Stefan's angel side. I saw it tonight, and I'll fight to keep him good. I'll fight for him, in my time here." She could never give up on the man that had made her see more than a life stuck in Heaven, no one to speak to. "It's called a crush. You find me fascinating, I can see that much. But it is because I am Innocence, not because I am Caroline. And as soon as that angel side of me is gone...your want for me will be too." 5:05 PM

Caroline joined the chat 5:05 PM

Niklaus "I don't want blindness from you," he sneered, "I want cleverness. Perhaps you aren't capable of that." It felt better, to throw harsh words at her. "Fairytales are for human children, Caroline. Stefan quite enjoys being a demon. I suggest you leave him to it. To me." He stiffened. "You saw it tonight. Interesting. I suppose you mean he's offered to save you from me? Thank you, Caroline, for tipping me off. As you have shown, we can be blind when it comes to the ones we care for. I might have been blind for some time to Stefan's betrayal but you have saved me from that." He could not longer control the bitterness in his voice. "Hmmn. We shall see. I believe your darker side will fascinate me just as much. You don't seem to understand that changing doesn't mean becoming an entirely new person. You shall still be you, perhaps even more you than you've ever been. No longer will you have to surpress that which angels condemn as 'evil' emotions and thoughts." 5:12 PM

Niklaus left the chat 6:29 PM

Caroline was timed out 7:06 PM

Caroline joined the chat 8:08 PM

Caroline "You're fooling yourself if you think that's what you want. If I showed cleverness, but not in the way in which you intended, I'm sure you'd condemn me, punish me for it." She wanted to say that's what happened tonight, but owning up to outsmarting him could be detrimental. She catches her mistake instantly, fighting to backtrack. "That's not what I meant in my words. I meant that I will try to protect him from you, tooth and nail. Whatever it takes. And if you think you can stop me from seeing him again? You're mistaken." Heaven had tried that, and yet they seemed to find each other again, in the most unusual of places. "Your notion of who I am, the person I'll become from being here is ludicrous. You have ideas that one day, I'll give into a want for you. But be assured that day won't happen. If anything, I'd give into my want for Stefan before that." She smirked, the cruel words slipping from her lips easily. Since when was she able to spit bitter words with such clarity? 8:15 PM

Caroline was timed out 2:11 AM

Niklaus joined the chat 10:50 AM

Niklaus "You could be right. If we're talking about now, that is. Now, you're my prisoner. But later, when we're equals, when you rule besides me? I would have no means of condemning you. Your actions and choices would be your own." He slipped from anger to persuasive words, still hoping to tempt her. Then he rolled his eyes. "Oh, Caroline, I'm no fool. You made it perfectly clear that Stefan intends to help you escape. I'd be more worried if it was at all possible without causing your death, but still, I admit, it stings a bit. I had thought that Stefan was more loyal than that. But all it takes is a pretty girl, I suppose. No doubt he is hoping that you will give into your want for him. Finally, after all his suffering he could get what he always wanted from you," Niklaus smirked. 11:00 AM

Caroline joined the chat  11:06 AM

Caroline "We'll never be equals. Not in your eyes. I'll always be the angel you stole from heaven. So if you deem me lesser, even when I am supposedly ruling by your side, you'll punish me if you deem fit." He was trying to tempt her in, she could tell that, but still she tried to hold her ground. Nothing about his hell could tempt her, except for the one man he was refusing for her to see. "I never said that, Niklaus! I told him it was impossible, that you have bound me to you and even if I want to leave...I can't." Her eyes flicker down from Niklaus, her taking a step back from him. "That's never what we were about. It was more than that. It was...love." 11:14 AM

Niklaus "I see I can't win with you," he sighed dramatically, "You are determined to hate me, to hate anything I offer you. Perhaps I should give up on you but I'm afraid I still have hope. Must be your influence," he smirked, despite the keen irritation flowing over him. It was difficult for one so used to instant gratification and unquestioning followers. "Regardless, it changes nothing. I must speak to our boy about this. And whatever I then deem necessary will be done. You cannot imagine I would take his betrayal lightly. I assure you, he knows the risks." He sighed again, confusion and longing tugging at him. The idea of 'love' often had that effect on him. The word on her lips seemed very precious, very beautiful. "Love...? I can tell you this, Caroline, love fades very quickly in hell. One forgets how to do it, how to feel it." 11:30 AM

Caroline "You should give up on me. A union between a demon and an angel, it will never work. But I suppose you will see that soon enough. And I will perish in the crossfire." She had thought about it since Stefan had uttered the words-there was no way she'd exist forever in this different universe. During the war between heaven and hell, she would die. It was just a matter of when, and how. She began panicked at his words, reaching forward and grabbing his arm. She's pretty sure this is the first time she's reached for him, but this is a dire situation. "You can't punish him. I...I can't let you. How about instead of punishing him we...make a deal." She had always been advised against this, but protecting Stefan was worth anything. "You shouldn't speak of love when you've never experienced it, Niklaus. You know nothing of what it can handle. How much it can go through. But love...it prevails." 11:38 AM

Niklaus "You can't imagine how many times I've been told that something 'will never work'. I'm afraid it only makes me more determined to succeed. I've had to fight for everything I have, Caroline. Every day of my existence." He said in a low tone, before surprise caught him, her hand gripping his arm. Clearly she was angry still. It was no caress or loving touch. Nothing of the sort. But still, it made him freeze, and in the stillness, stare at her arm where it rested with a small kind of smile. His eyes widened, "You want to make a deal with the devil? Again, you surprise me. What do you offer me?" He snorted, "What makes you think I've never loved? That is hardly the point, in any case. We aren't talking of love and what it can endure. We're talking of hell and what it can destroy. Destruction, I know very well." 11:53 AM

Caroline "What have you had to fight for in the past?" She asks, her eyes staring up in his, no anger or aggression in her words. She merely is curious about him. He seems to hold so many things hidden, and much to her dismay-she's fascinated by him too. "I'll-I'll give you whatever you want. As long as you promise me no harm will come of Stefan. So...name your terms." This was probably the stupidest choice she could make, but she needed to protect Stefan. Already she had him condemned to hell, she couldn't let him suffer an awful fate by her hands again. "I was talking of love. Have you ever felt that way for someone? Because if you haven't, then you couldn't possibly understand. Destruction will never conquer love." 12:02 PM

Niklaus gave a dramatic sigh. "You shared your past with me, I suppose I should do the same... survival. My place in my family. It can surely not surprise you that they never cared much for me, never wanted me. And now I must take rulership because my father is too much of a fool to step down when he is past his time." It was strange to divulge his past so lightly. Even if he masked his words in arrogance, he was haunted by them, and by his life. He paused, "You would give me that power over you... for him? Allow me to name anything, ask anything of you?" He was silent, shocked by the extent of what Caroline would do. "So you believe Stefan still loves you. You believe that loving him will help you here? When you give yourself over to my power?" 12:13 PM

Caroline joined the chat  12:15 PM

Caroline "It does surprise me, actually. Family...they should stick by you. I wouldn't really know...but from what I've examined, it's important. I'm uh, I'm sorry if that wasn't the case with your family." Why was she being kind with him? Perhaps because in her innocence, once she sees slight good in people, she can't help but cling to that. "Y-yes. I won't let him get hurt because of me again. And it's not anything...you get one thing you wish for, that is it. A trade." Her hand drops from his arm, stepping away from him and back towards her door. "I don't think he still loves me, no. But I still care for him. And I won't let any harm come to him." 12:23 PM

Niklaus stilled. She was always surprising him. The last thing he'd ever expected her to give him was sympathy. It touched him. "You don't have family?" he asked, both cautious and curious. "Oh, Caroline. You are foolish. Neither love nor Stefan is worth giving me this. Do you know the damage I could do to you? Of course, what makes you think I'll accept? Perhaps I'd rather punish Stefan than have you at my mercy." So she didn't think Stefan still loved her, but was willing to do this anyway? Sometimes, Niklaus felt he'd never understand her at all. She didn't make sense. "Even though he'd not the man you loved? Even though he's dark and dangerous and cruel now? Why can you care for him but not me?" 12:54 PM

Caroline It was a touchy subject, discussing her past. "I...I don't know if I have a family. As far as I can tell, no." She had always been secluded, taken from the rest of the angels. And whenever she asked of where her family is, why she didn't have one when the rest of the angels did, they quickly avoided the subject. It seemed some angels were capable of lying. "You'd rather me be at your mercy. That is clear from everything you've done so far, how you've acted. And I suppose this is...penance, for Stefan taking the fall for me before." She whispers, wrapping her arms around him. Now it only came down to what he wanted from her. "He still has good parts in him. And even is he has become dangerous, cruel...it is because of me. Because they threw him to hell because ofme. I owe him...at least this sacrifice. That's why I can care for him still. Because anything that is wrong with him...it is because of his triste with me." 1:05 PM

Niklaus "Perhaps you're lucky. Family can be quite the burden." She was much more than what he'd originally expected. Maybe he should stop expecting anything. "So you expect me to not do anything to him? You flat out told me that he plots against me, plans to betray me. That his loyalty is to you, and not to me." He tutted at her, shaking his head. "You're wrong. You don't owe him anything. I know him much better than you, at least now. Whatever he was in the past, he has embraced being here, being one of us. Surely he told you as much? Or did he pretend to be a creature of goodness still?" 1:33 PM

Caroline "They can also be a great support. To make your time less...lonely." That was a great word to describe her, besides innocence. She was lonely without a doubt, and Stefan had been her only comfort for quite some time. The only person who thought she was worthy of time. "Yes, I expect you to do nothing to him. I...I will not try to escape, as we both know that would end up in my death. And I will also give you one thing, anything you ask of me. I'd say that's a pretty fair trade, Niklaus." Caroline leans against the door, dropping her hands to her side. "You're not getting it. He wouldn't have had to embrace being here if I hadn't become involved with him. Then, he'd still be up in heaven. I suppose his cruelty is on my hands too." 1:42 PM

Niklaus "Less lonely. That's an interesting view. Sometimes, family can make you more lonely than ever." He spoke quietly, a little in awe of the fact that they conversing in such a manner. It made him feel more strongly than ever that there was a connection between them. If only she wasn't so stubborn. "Perhaps. It depends on what I ask for, does it not? I don't wish to be too hasty and make the wrong choice." But he had an idea of what he wanted - well, it was what he'd wanted all along. She'd been foolish, making this deal. Reckless, thoughtless, foolish. He'd have to teach her better one day. "It seems your angels are to blame for that. Quite the overreaction, considering you claim it was just a few kisses. Are you sure you don't want revenge?" 1:54 PM

Caroline "Perhaps we can swap notes on that. Who's had the lonelier existence. I assure you, it's been me." God was she actually having a conversation with him? Caroline felt like chastising herself for it, but quickly decided to move the topic along. "I think you should make your decision soon. I don't want to keep worrying that he'll be punished, or hurt. At least...tell me you'll agree." She was growing tired of her heels, of her dress, and was wishing to retire to her bed. But she needed his answer first. "I don't do revenge. I'm trying to make things better, fix things for Stefan. That's all." She wouldn't sink to the level he wanted her to. Not for anything. 

[emperor-nasch]

On Why I Left the YGO Fandom

I was going to put this under a cut, but read more’s never do what they’re supposed to do on my page, so I’m forced to leave it as-is if I want to post it at all. Apologies in advance because it’s a very, veeeery long post and contains abusive experience and behaviors. And the url of my abuser (I left his accomplice out because she’s a fucking whiny bitch and would manage to yet again verbally attack me for once again putting this fat fuck’s name out there as an abuser).

Also, please don’t reblog. If you have something to say, reply or ask/im me.

So, as promised, I finally got my thoughts collected and I guess?? Somewhat organized?? On what’s been plaguing me for several months now. I know I’m basically beating a dead horse because, by now, I should be over this (because god forbid something happen to me that actually affected me long-term, I’m just being dramatic for attention, right?) but this is something I feel needs to be addressed, for my own peace of mind. So, no better time than the present I suppose.

It’s probably far from obvious, but I’ve been part of the ygo fandom for a decent while - 2011-ish? I watched the original as a kid, but was reintroduced by my now-ex through the abridged series. Along the way I’ve been blessed to meet some fantastic people, no doubt. People I wish didn’t have to see this kind of bullshit coming from me. But some of those people turned out to be…anything but fantastic.

I’m tired of not naming names, out of fear of being accused yet again of starting a witch hunt (since apparently that’s something people reaaaallly like to do these days whenever you have a problem with a nasty creep they consider their best bud and refuse to hear your side of the story) but it’s to the point where I really don’t care what happens. I’m not popular in the fandom, so it isn’t like what I say matters.

There are two-faced, evil people in this fandom and all I wanted (and still want) to do is protect others from ending up in the same situations that I found myself in.

I’m the victim of two long years of mental/emotional abuse and manipulation. My abuser is someone a lot of people probably know of, if not know well, especially those of you from the Chicago area part of the fandom. He does (or did, idk now that it’s airing Wednesdays) livestreams of new episodes. He is an enormous, loud-mouthed pervert and not-yet-convicted pedophile. He enjoys reading, writing, defending, and sharing child porn. He is narcissistic, so deeply in love with pleasuring himself (both literally and figuratively) and taking nobody’s wants and needs into consideration but his own. He is a chronic gaslighter. He fetishizes wlw and objectifies women in general (like any typical misogynistic slob). He think no means yes, and “stay away from me, I don’t want to talk to you” means “please keep trying to contact me, I actually do want to talk, I’m just being silly uwu.” He is someone whose actions have been defended by people who think “he’s just dense” instead of an abuser. His actions and the actions of those who love and adore him are ignored or justified by people who are obviously as like-minded as he is. And he hides behind the ruse of being an all out card game whiz and aficionado so people will never know what he does behind closed doors.

He goes by voices/of/chaos (slashes on purpose, btw), and I know it’s going to either be a surprise or sound like a lie because of how well liked he is here.

Primarily, he’s the reason I’ve made this choice. Him and the people who, despite knowing the kind of shit he’s done to me, still refuse to acknowledge him as the abuser that he is and choose to stand by him and support his actions. The same people are people I thought - and really, truly had hoped - were my friends, people I poured my heart and soul into and let my faith rest upon. Instead, I was given that trust back and basically told to choke on it.

It started when I’d asked to be part of the ygo panel he runs at acen. I thought it would be fitting, with how passionate I was at the time about the latter spinoffs and about things in general. However, I was told flat-out that I was “not good enough” to be on HIS panel because of my biases toward certain series and dislike of others (biases and dislikes he and I shared, mind you). Basically, because I’ve never seen gx and don’t like dm, my knowledge base was not adequate to host a panel. Yet, his gf, who now hates ygo and is stongly biased about certain series (like me), who sits up there pouting, angry, drunk (she was last year, anyway) in complete and utter silence, is definitely qualified for the job. Ok. Sure. That sounds about right. He refused to see how ridiculous the situation was (he was told this by more than just me, for the record) and instead accused me of only wanting a discounted badge - “I can’t give discounted badges to just anyone” emphasis on anyone. That was a low-fucking-blow and was the single thing that made it impossible for me to ever forgive him.

Of course, that was a more recent issue. Going back to the start, our friendship started off with me being almost duped into a poly relationship without my consent or knowledge. I was told they were breaking up and that she knew about it. I was told it was ok. That she was ok with it. What I wasn’t told was that no, they weren’t breaking up, she didn’t know what he was doing, and that his plans were to date me while he dated -and lived with- her. I didn’t find out any of that until way after the fact. To top it off, he went behind her back to try to accomplish this (she was on vacation at the time). I was then blamed for their relationship problems (that existed years before me), for making her hate ygo, for ruining their relationship, and so on and so on. He made sure to tell me this constantly, telling me my name was a ‘trigger’ for her. So now I’m a homewrecking bitch for ruining their 7+ year relationship.

And despite all of this, he actually fantasized (his words exactly, I shit you not) about me and his gf bonding over our ‘hate’ towards him. Like, excuse me? Back the fuck up mate.

If I had a nickel for every time he told me how “important” I was to him, I’d have millions in the bank. But for as much as I was told I was important, I never actually believed him. Our friendship was kept a secret online. No interactions on any social media, up until the end where he got very childish and asinine about it, and then those were only meant to shut me up. I’d asked hundreds of times to at least be tagged in things, at least mentioned half as much as he talked about the other girls in his life. He never listened. I continued to be a secret.

When confronting him on my feelings (because he only ever talked about his feelings) I was always met with rage, destructive anger, denial, unnecessary profanities being hurled my way, utter disrespect. One can only take that shit for so long. Being told how you changed someone’s life for the better in one breath, then being shit on and screamed at and told you’re not good enough in the next, being kept a secret, being denied any sort of important places or duties that he bestowed upon his other girls.

In the end, I was told I was making it all up. “I don’t know where the fuck you’re getting this.” “You must be messed up in the head.” I was told I just hated him and wanted him to suffer. Everything that went wrong became my fault and my fault alone. Actions once considered ‘gross’ and ‘awful’ by someone I considered a friend were now just a result of him being dense. DENSE. Because knowingly fucking with my head, saying I’m messed up in the head, yeah that’s just the density speaking. How didn’t I think of that before??!!

This friend put herself between us, on her own accord, then acted as if I asked her to do it. She claimed she didn’t want to speak to either of us for a while. Of course that actually meant just me because she had no problem joining him for the stupid movie that came out in January or being up his ass on the chat that Sunday. Sure, the movie was pre-planned, but at least try not to make it obvious you’re only upset at me by making sure he’s in the pictures you posted.

I was told I upset her because I ‘guilt-tripped’ her with fears of abandonment. My hands were slapped for daring to upset her, but when I mentioned how bullshit it was to see her out having a good ol’ time with the fat fuck, my concerns were passed off as nothing. As always, my needs and concerns must be pushed aside for everyone else’s.

When I finally got sick and fucking tired of him, I asked him to leave me along and to not speak to me, ever again. Funny, that was followed up by half a dozen messages all lovey-dovey (and passive-aggressive, toward the end). I thought he would have stopped after I didn’t answer the first few. But his persistence (or should I say d e n s i t y ) was incredible. Each message got sappier and sappier. The last one, though, was bitter and angry, after I once again told him to leave me alone for good. “I thought talking to me would be better than talking to no one.”

A few weeks go by. I begin to tell my story. Tell what happened. I’m accused of starting a witch hunt by someone who once tried to help me. She threatened to leave the chat - which stirred the pot big time, everyone freaked out. I threatened to leave, no one gave a fuck. So, yet again, I was made out to be the big bad guy because I upset the ygo princess by talking about the guy who abused me to the point of exhaustion. I didn’t threaten him. I didn’t ask people to go out and attack him. I was simply sharing my experiences with people who genuinely wanted to know what had happened. All it took was one wailing princess to change everyone’s demeanor.

So I did what I should’ve done after this all happened in the first place - I left. Told everyone they could have their safe space back that I was accused of ruining. And ever since, I really haven’t been too emotionally invested in anything ygo.

These people took something that once felt like a niche I belonged in, and made it hostile and unwelcoming. They say the ygo fandom is a fandom full of mentally ill people who are finding solace in something wonderful. For a while, I believed that. I know better now.

For every person that is genuine in that fandom, there’s ten others who are shitty, who make other fans fucking miserable. I was abused, my spirit beaten and broken, and all I got was several kicks in the ass and everyone turning their heads away from it all. This fandom is toxic. This fandom is littered with people who manipulate and abuse and puke their social justice bullshit over something that’s supposed to be enjoyable. It’s a fandom where popular people are exempt from being called out on shitty behavior. Where if you have enough followers, enough of a fanbase, you’re immortal. I can’t change that. The only thing I can do is remove myself and go somewhere that I consider a safe space. And this fandom isn’t it.

There are…exceptions, of course. Those characters I fell in love with prior to this shit hitting the fan are characters that will forever mean the world to me. Characters who I don’t have to associate with these people. I’m pretty sure there’s only one, but one is enough. He’s been my safe space, my heaven, the one thing that for six years hasn’t changed and has always been there for me.

But the rest? Y’all can have it. I don’t want any part of it anymore. All thanks to two rotten ass people who can’t even admit to their own wrongdoings.

As a final note to those of you who I continue to follow here, I promise you aren’t the ones at fault. If anything, you’re the ones who have kept me grounded. I’m going to continue following you guys regardless of my feelings toward the fandom. Thank you for being decent human beings. I couldn’t ask any more of you.