#the story is: a bunch of people crash landed a spaceship on a new planet. the people separated in two cities:

[laulo821]

yippie MV

"when you realise you'll die" & "to say i gave them food... and all that for nothing in return. i hate them."

[ka-writes]

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Notes: I had already started on the second chapter before I posted the first one, so don’t expect updates every day... I also had to do a lot of googling for this chapter.

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Chapter 1 in case you missed it:

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Inspired by:

Humans are Space Velociraptors

By:FreshRoses_InMyGarden_NeedTheRain

Some kids come from storks, others come from crashed spaceships

By: mmmajora

Home Again, Home Again

By: teeth_eater

All works can be found on Ao3

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Warnings: Cussing, needles, character conflicts, intentional poisoning, poisoning, Jaws reference

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“Humans are [and text here]”

Chapter 2: What is this, an interview?

Tommy was now restrained to a chair six feet away from the weird scientist alien. He had a dark brown lab coat with a fuzzy yellow sweater underneath, matched with black pants and black leather boots. His gold rimmed Harry Potter glasses slipped down his nose bridge a bit before he pushed it up and shuffled through papers. He wore a red beanie with a big whiff of his curly chocolate hair. His skin was a weird translucent grayish color with blue speckles decorating it. He had deep brown eyes with an odd electric blue circle outlining the pupil.

His tongue licked his finger as he turned the page. This was a habit that most of the weird teachers and counselors did. It always annoyed Tommy. This time fear was also mixed into that annoyance. His saliva was tinted blue and he had sharp teeth which immediately reminded him of a shark.

“You have shark teeth.” Tommy stated absentmindedly. Clearly, this caught the scientist alien off guard.

“I have what?” The alien asked, confused.

“Shark teeth.. ya know like the weird fish creatures that eat people.” Tommy started rambling causing the shark-alien to become even more confused and slightly alarmed. “I mean I think they eat people. That’s what the shark movie showed… what was its name, Jaws I think? I dunno, my foster mom freaked out in the middle of it and we went home. That lady was weird.. She made us wear itchy clothes and take weird photos before she sent me back to the group home.”

“What?..” The shark-alien asked. Tommy jumped a bit. He forgot he was rambling to a stranger. Alien stranger at that.

“Doesn’t matter.. What's the first question bitch-boy?” Tommy liked the way the alien jumped at the randomly timed insults.

“Er- right.. First off, what’s your name?” The shark-alien asked after collecting himself.

“Tommy Innit. Yours bitch-boy?” Tommy replied.

“Wilbur Soot. Stop calling me bitch-boy!” Wilbur huffed.

“Next question, bitch-boy!” Tommy emphasized the name, getting an even angrier expression in return. Wilbur’s weird blue circle flashed red for a second which caught Tommy off guard.

Wilbur took a shaky breath before asking the next question. “How old are you?”

“Old enough! I am a big man!” Tommy stated. Yet another thing that pissed him off.

“Age?” Wilbur asked, clearly irritated.

“18.” Wilbur raised a brow, “14.” Tommy huffed. His age should only be his business not some alien-bitch who didn’t even have his file.

“If you keep lying, I may have to get the truth serum from the back.” Wilbur half-heartedly threatened. Tommy, the big man that he is, did not get scared at that statement, only slightly unsettled which clearly showed on his face.

“Now, do you have a family?” Tommy tensed at the question. It was a touchy question and was not one that was asked often especially with his reputation.

“I am a big man. I don’t need a family to be great.” Tommy stated, happy with the answer. The alien-bitch shifted awkwardly.

“Right… What is your diet?”

“Umm.. I dunno, whatever I can find. I am allergic to nuts though..” Wilbur nodded in understanding and wrote things down in his notepad.

“What plants are poisonous to you?” Wilbur asked without looking up from his notes.

“Ermm, poison Ivy, poison oak… uh I think parts of rhubarb, and most wild berries. I am not sure other than that.” Wilbur nodded while adding bits to his notes.

“What was the place you lived like?” This time Wilbur glanced up to look at Tommy. This was again another touchy subject… How many times would this alien bitch get into the sad background?

“Shitty.” Tommy snapped. That was the only response the bitch was gonna get.

“Right.. Do you have music on Earth?”

Tommy scoffed, “Of course we have music, dumbass!”

“Can you tell me about the animals there?” Wilbur asked, almost hopeful.. which was weird. What was he hoping for?

“Erm I guess..” Tommy mumbled, trying to figure out where to start, “There’s a bunch of animals. Mainly on land. My favorite would be the cow.”

“What’s that?” Curiosity stained Wilbur’s face. This got Tommy excited; he was practically beaming as he started talking.

“Well they are these big ruminants that make milk and have horns. There are a bunch of types too like the highland cow, which obviously is the most poggers one. They are a Scottish breed with really long hair. I met one once, on a field trip his name was Henry.” Tommy rambled on for the next two and a half hours, jumping from topic to topic and explaining anything that wasn’t personal. He usually ended those paths with short insults.

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Wilbur hated to stop the kids' detailed story, but two and a half celestial hours had already passed, and Dream would be coming to check soon. Luckily, he had a couple new poisons that could pass off as a research development. He had even managed to send the distressed signal and no doubt Phil would already be there with the SBI craft ready to fly at any given moment.

“Alright Tommy.” His voice dropped to a serious tone causing the kid to stop his story of how he got poisoned by mushrooms on a camping trip. “You’re gonna have to trust me just for a bit. I am going to get you off the ship at the next stop but in the meantime I need you to tell me how allergic you’re to nuts.” The kid immediately tensed at the question.

“I am mainly allergic to tree nuts.. almonds being the worst. After a few minutes I can’t breathe properly and I usually pass out. The doctor said if I don’t get it treated within 15 minutes, death is most likely.” He took a moment to go through the information. The kid most likely has an anaphylaxis reaction to tree nuts. Meaning either he would have to know the exact time of landing and exactly where Phil was or he needed another poison that was less severe.

“Alright, here is what we’re gonna do. I have a chemical mixture that is similar to that of rattlesnake venom. I also have a chemical substance that numbs any pain you may feel. Side effects would include being very very tired and delirious over the next few days. Along with being knocked out for a good ten hours. To put it simply I am gonna fake poison you, in order to get you off the ship. It’s your choice if you’re willing to do it.” Wilbur paused to study the kid still restrained in front of him. It was odd how relaxed the kid seemed to be in a situation like this. He had no urge as far as Wilbur was aware, to fight against anything that happened. His complaints only being those that touched on personal matters. It was unsettling to say the least, and intrigued Wilbur. He really wanted to unravel the life the kid had lived before this and how he was actually dealing with the situation.

There was a long pause before the kid spoke, “I wouldn’t mind getting away from the weird smiley bitch.. plus you seem nice and to know what you’re doing so sure. Poison me bitch.” He said the last sentence with an enthusiasm Wilbur wasn’t expecting. He took a moment to rethink his plan, which was interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Dream says you better have advanced in your stupid testing. Otherwise he’s gonna kick you off the ship at the next stop.” Stated the rather rude blazeling, Sapnap. The blazeling never liked Wilbur and made a point to argue against any advancements at meals. That led to Dream installing a new system of emails and Wilbur eating meals alone.

“Yea yea, it’s going!” He yelled through the metal door.

“Better be.” The blazeling snapped before making a non quiet track back to his quarters.

“Stupid blazeling.” Wilbur grumbled as he sorted through vials and picked up new needles and measured out the substances. “We are going to start with the anesthetic then move onto the poison.” He softly addressed Tommy.

Wilbur swiftly disinfected Tommy’s shoulder and gave the needle. He then gave the second needle. Immediately Tommy slumped over. Wilbur swiftly took off Tommy’s restraints and moved him on to the patient bed in the back corner of the room. After the transfer was done he clipped the body restraints around Tommy and waited for the alert signaling landing.

After about five minutes the light next to the door turned blue. He moved over to his seat and clipped on the safety belts. The light turned green and the ship shook momentarily before a thud could be felt. Quickly as Wilbur could, he emptied the needles into the waste bin and waited for his soon-to-be-ex-boss to arrive.

Dream stepped through the door and glanced around the room before heading to Wilbur for his report.

“Report.” The dreamon commanded.

“The subject's body would have gone through a painfully slow death and have multiple organ failures if I did not intervene. The chemical mixes used created a conflict in the patient’s body which resulted in the patient falling into exhaustion as they recovered.” He responded in a monotone tone. Dream looked over Tommy. He flinched back in disgust as Tommy grunted in his sleep.

“Is that all?” The dreamon questioned.

“No.” Wilbur swallowed down his panic, “This is the last testing I will be doing with this crew.” The dreamon scoffed.

“I am assuming you’re getting off at this planet?” Dream spit. Wilbur knew he absolutely hated when people left his crew as he saw it as a direct violation of his loyalty.

“Yes.” The phantom stated, keeping his even tone apparent. With that Dream stormed out cursing in Siestian. Somewhere in the mess of words he told Wilbur to get his things.

Without hesitation he grabbed his bag from his quarters, which was held in a small room that branches off the lab. He half sprinted down the short hallway and straight to the bed Tommy was on. He swiftly unrestrained the human and sat him up. He slipped on boots and gloves then tied a cloak around the kid. He pulled the hood up and carried him off of the closest exit. There were faint yells from Dream down the hallway and reassurances from the only two beings that put up with him. And with that Wilbur was off to find the only craft he had ever called home. The SBI ship.

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Chapter 2- End

Words~ 1774

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End Notes: ‘‘twas to lazy to reread... sorry for minor mistakes. Also suggestions are always appreciated!! Please reblog...

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Chapter 3:

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Wilbur:

[manunfiltered]

I did it y’all, I saw the movie. I have already tried to write out a regular review, but it ended up being the size of a small novel so I am going to go with a pros and cons list instead. There will be movie spoilers, so if you are still waiting to watch and don’t want it ruined yet, don’t look any further. If you just want an idea of my general opinion, I will go ahead and say that the cons list is much longer than the pros.

Pros:

- Ben and Cillian’s relationship was very well done. There was a lot more Cillian in the movie than in the books, which is another good thing. There was plenty of time to show how much Ben and Cillian cared about each other, and Cillian’s death scene was actually very sweet and sad.

- Todd can’t read.

- Todd and Viola do not ever kiss.

- Viola was actually done pretty well. Her story and reason for being on the planet are different, which I will explain later, but she still responds to her situations in a way that Viola probably would.

- The Noise looks very cool. The sound part isn’t always there, only when someone is thinking a very specific thought. I was kind of expecting there to be a constant overlay, as it is called the “Noise,” but in general I do think that the Noise was well done.

- There is a Spackle in the movie, even though it is missing an arm (I guess you could technically say that there is less than one Spackle). But I actually like this detail because it shows some of what the Spackle had to endure from their side of the war.

- I’m really not sure how I’m putting Manchee’s death scene as one of the “pros,” but it was one of the only scenes that actually felt like Chaos Walking.

- Also, Manchee was killed because Aaron strangled him underwater. I personally would rather see that than hear the sound of a dog’s back snapping.

Cons:

- Todd and Mayor Prentiss already know and like each other. Mayor Prentiss is impressed by Todd’s Noise (after he sends that giant Noise snake at Davy), and Todd takes pride in this. He seems to like Mayor Prentiss’s company more than Ben and Cillian’s.

- The story of the new settlers is completely different. Apparently the main convoy could have arrived at any moment, they were just waiting for Viola’s word to land on the planet. If she had not been able to communicate with them, they would have left her behind and moved on to the next system.

- Because Viola has the option to leave the planet, she wants to communicate with the convoy so that they can come get her and leave. There is no plot about how she is meant to fix the planet so that they can all live there.

- Also, her parents did not die in the crash. They died from an illness on the spaceship years before, and the people that did die in the crash were just random unnamed scouts with Viola. I have absolutely no idea why they made this change.

- The ages of the characters are never explicitly said, so because Todd Hewitt is a 13 year old character, Tom Holland’s full naked body from the back was not necessary.

- Also Todd bathes with all of his clothes on? But takes them completely off to swim? I get that being raised in Prentisstown can make a boy a little untraditional, but that is not at all how Todd Hewitt was written.

- Todd just makes me uncomfortable in general. He is overthinking this romance he wants with Viola, which she does not appreciate.

- Todd is obsessed with the thought of kissing Viola. Viola is obsessed with not kissing Todd. I don’t know when she started liking him, she just decided that it was funny one day and started teasing him about it. Then I guess they became friends.

- Wilf does not exist, even though he is cast on IMDb.

- Animal Noise does not exist.

- Aaron has a completely normal face the entire time. He is generally not scary, he just has louder and redder Noise.

- Also they only call him Preacher for the first half of the movie, then they finally decide that his name is Aaron.

- In the scene where Todd is supposed to kill the Spackle, Viola tells him to stop and he just... does. The Spackle gets up and leaves like nothing happened, even though Todd stabbed him multiple times.

- Todd in general doesn’t seem to have a problem with murder. Mayor Prentiss tells him that he is not a killer one time, but nothing has happened up to that point to prove his statement.

- Todd and Viola happen upon the ship that the original settlers landed in over twenty years ago, and the communications equipment is fully functional.

- Ben and Mayor Prentiss are both supposedly dead by the end.

- Todd beats Mayor Prentiss by showing him a bunch of Prentisstown women in his Noise, and Mayor Prentiss suddenly feels guilty for killing them. Viola then knocks him down several stories with a stick.

- So the big fight at the end was between Todd, Viola, and Mayor Prentiss, not with Aaron. Aaron conveniently shows up while Viola is sending a message to her ship, and she conveniently sets him on fire with the fire box.

- They pretty much went with a Monsters of Men ending because Todd gets shot. Except he’s completely fine because the new settlers arrive and heal him.

- Viola decides that she is going to stay on the planet with Todd, even though she had the option not to and Todd’s thoughts toward her are very awkward. I would have been gone so fast if it was me.

Overall:

My expectations for this movie were not very high. The books are perfect as is, and I don’t think there is a way to put this story on screen in a way that satisfies everybody. I’m glad we’ll always have the books to go to, and I hope that anyone who watched the movie without reading the books was able to enjoy it. I’m glad I watched the movie, even if I’m not thrilled with the way it turned out. If anything, it has solidified my own image of the story because my own interpretation is all that I’ll ever really need. I still love this series, and the movie cannot change that.

[aion-rsa]

Doctor Who: Why Does Everyone Keep Forgetting the Daleks?

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A scene that did not appear in New Year’s Day’s Doctor Who Special, ‘Revolution of the Daleks’.

SCENE: EXT. 10 DOWNING STREET, A PRESS CONFERENCE IS BEING HELD

PRIME MINISTER JO PATTERSON: …and so I introduce to you, our new, fully automated defence drones!

A “DEFENCE DRONE” GLIDES INTO VIEW.

JOURNALIST (RAISES A HAND): Hello, Jeff Typeface, Daily Exposition. Sorry but, um, isn’t that just a Dalek?

PM: A what?

JOURNALIST: A Dalek? About twelve years ago they transported the entire planet through space then rounded humans up in the streets and exterminated them?

PM: Hmmm. Doesn’t ring a bell.

ANOTHER JOURNALIST: Yeah, and a few years before that a bunch of them came flying out of Canary Wharf?

PM: Sorry, I’m completely drawing a blank.

JOURNALIST: Come on! They murdered one of your predecessors!

PM: Excuse me, but you can’t honestly expect me to remember every single British Prime Minister that suffered a violent death over the last two decades. We all know this job has the life expectancy of a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.

PM’S ADVISOR: Actually, Prime Minister, talking of your predecessors, Winston Churchill did try this exact same plan with a very similar looking contraption during the War, and I hear that went badly.

PM: I mean, I’m sure I believe you. I’m just saying this is all news to me.

JOURNALIST: Very well. Moving on, how will these “Defence Drones” help us deal with the Covid-19 pandemic?

PM: See, now you’re just making words up.

Doctor Who has always been a series that points and laughs at fans who want to try and piece together a consistent continuity across all its stories, but even by Doctor Who standards, forgetting an entire global invasion barely more than a decade ago (y’know, just before most of the show’s viewers were born, you absolute fossil you) might seem like a stretch.

Of course, the real reason Jo Patterson couldn’t remember the Daleks is that unlike say, the MCU, where weirdness layers upon weirdness to create a world that almost counts as alt-history, Doctor Who is, on some level, always reaching to be set in “our” universe. The key conceit of the show is that you might turn a corner, find a blue box, and suddenly be whisked away through space and time to a world of adventure. Which doesn’t really work if the British town squares of the Doctor Who universe all feature memorials to the victims of the Daleks and diet pills have to be tested for Adipose DNA.

But at the same time, Doctor Who just loves a great big Hollywood space invasion, and making these two core ingredients of the show mesh is a nightmare for continuity.

Let’s, for instance, take a look at the life of recently departed Doctor’s companion, Ryan Sinclair.

Life of Ryan

Ryan was born in 1998 or 1999. As a child, he attended Redlands Primary School at around the same time London was hit by a “terrorist attack” when shop windows dummies started shooting people. A year later a spaceship crashed into Big Ben, although this was later dismissed as a hoax. That Christmas Day, when Ryan was around eight years old, every human with O negative blood got up in a trance and went and stood on a tall building while a gigantic spaceship hung over London.

Still Ryan is a kid, he doesn’t watch the news, maybe nobody in his family is O negative and let’s face it, news of a lot of this stuff probably doesn’t get as far as Sheffield.

However, even in Sheffield he would have seen the regular “ghost shifts” that appeared all over the world, and at nine years old he would have been traumatised to have his home, like so many others, invaded by Cybermen before they all got sucked away by something.

His family make the wise decision not to turn on the news that Christmas, so he doesn’t hear about the “Christmas star” attack, or later that year a hospital being teleported to the moon, and while he probably remembers grown-ups getting very excited by Harold Saxon getting elected, fortunately most of his tenure as Prime Minister was erased from history.

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Ryan would have noticed when CBBC was replaced by a giant eyeball shouting that “Prisoner Zero Has Escaped”, and, shortly after turning ten, he definitely would have noticed when the entire sky was set on fire to prevent a Sontaran invasion.

And then of course, the Earth was teleported across space, planets filled the skies, and Daleks roamed the streets rounding people up. He would have been about the same age as future astronaut and Mars colonist, Adelaide Brooke at this time, and she was profoundly affected by the experience.

After that it’s possible the government may have rounded up him and his classmates to offer up to the 456.

To round the year off, Ryan actually turned into Harold Saxon for a bit. This was probably, on balance, the worst Christmas of the lot.

2011 was largely uneventful except that nobody could die.

Ryan went on to see the Tenth Doctor light the flame at the 2012 Olympics, was briefly into that whole “mysterious black cubes” craze before they got banned for some reason, and while he was in high school the entire Earth was covered in dense forest overnight but that disappeared, and nobody ever mentioned it again. The Cybermen invaded again. Then, not long after Ryan left school, the entire world was taken over by a species of really gross looking mummified monks who claimed to have always been in charge, before they also disappeared overnight.

Not long after that, Ryan met the Doctor for the first time and was shocked, shocked, to discover that aliens exist.

Cracks in Time

Steven Moffat did give us one handy explanation for why nobody in Doctor Who remembers the Dalek invasion, or the giant steampunk Cyberman that invaded Victorian London, and probably much more. In ‘Victory of the Daleks’ the Doctor tries to persuade Winston Churchill that using his own force of Daleks to secure the country was a bad idea, and he turns to Amy, who would have seen that invasion, to back him up. She has no idea what’s he’s talking about.

Later it’s revealed this is because the TARDIS explodes, destroying the entire universe with it. The cracks in time left by that explosion erased all kinds of events from history, including, handily, anything that would cause the human view of the universe to deviate too far from the real-world status quo.

Of course, that does leave some problems. Adelaide Brooke, again, clearly remembers the Dalek invasion and it was a moment so formative and influential on her eventual Fixed Point In Time that even the Dalek she saw (who, I remind you, was working on a plot to destroy literally all existence) didn’t dare exterminate her because of its influence on the timeline. And since it’s not implied the crack in time could bring anyone back from the dead, it does make you wonder what history says happened to Harriet Jones (former Prime Minister) and all the many others killed by the Daleks.

But maybe you don’t need a giant retconning Crack in Time?

Because while the Doctor has often waxed lyrical about humanity being indomitable, creative, and curious, there is also a lesser innate human quality the Doctor sometimes mentions: our absent-mindedness.

The Forgetfulness of the Daleks

As well as the Dalek incursions in ‘The Stolen Earth’ and ‘The Army of Ghosts’, there was another Dalek visitation of Earth in the ironically named ‘Remembrance of the Daleks’, which was set in 1963. During this adventure then-companion Ace points out she doesn’t remember anything about Daleks invading in the 1960s. The Doctor replies, “Do you remember the Zygon gambit with the Loch Ness Monster? Or the Yeti in the Underground? Your species has an amazing capacity for self-deception.”

Likewise, nobody remembers dinosaurs invading London, or the other time shop window dummies came to life and started killing people, or when the Earth encountered its exact twin. Without any cracks in time hanging around, Doctor Who falls back on an old staple of fantasy and sci-fi- that humans just ignore anything that doesn’t fit into their worldview.

As we’ve already mentioned, this turns up a couple of times in the new series as well. In ‘In the Forest of the Night’, the entire planet is overnight covered in forest for reasons that we’re not going to go into too closely because that story’s a bit of an embarrassment to be honest. As the forest disappears at the end of the story the Doctor says it will be forgotten outside of fairy stories, because that’s “a human superpower”.

It can even work two-way. In ‘The Lie of the Land’, the entire Earth is taken over by the gross-looking and mysterious “monks”. Using a psychic link, the monks convince humanity that not only are they humanity’s generous benefactors, but also that the monks have always been here, guiding human evolution. This is of course a lie, as the monks are actually one of the very few aliens not to have guided human evolution at some point.

After the Doctor does his thing and the monks’ statues are torn down, someone passes by the ruins of one and wonders what it was. Already, people are forgetting.

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Which, if you think about it, is a Doctor Who story in itself. Imagine being an alien visiting Earth. Humanity must seem like the Silence, but in reverse- as soon as they stop looking at you they forget you exist. The Doctor really ought to take a look at that some time.

The post Doctor Who: Why Does Everyone Keep Forgetting the Daleks? appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[freudensteins-monster]

A Banner Reunion

A WinterShock follow up to A Banner Day. Set post Age of Ultron and Ragnarok, not really Civil War compliant, and there’s no Thanos or looming Infinity War. Also posted on AO3.

The first person Bucky Barnes met as he stepped off the last quinjet out of Wakanda was Darcy Lewis. She looked more uptight than her file photo would suggest (Bucky had read the files of all facility staff on the flight over, and Darcy’s maybe twice), and seemed to have taken Pepper Potts as her style icon. The wavy brown hair from her file photo was pulled back in a tight bun, and the colourful sweaters and jeans had been replaced by a sharp business suit and sharper heels. 

“Good morning, Sergeant Barnes. I’m Darcy Lewis. I manage the upstate facility and act as the team’s PR manager. I’ll also be acting as a liaison between the facility, your legal team, and other interested parties. If you have any questions, day or night, please don’t hesitate to contact me.”

She handed him a crisp white business card. Bucky took it with his shiny new Wakandan arm, noting a complete lack of reaction from Miss Lewis.

“Science Wrangler?” he read aloud.

“I have new ones on order,” she replied with a long-suffering sigh. 

“Thank you, Miss Lewis,” he smiled, tucking the business card into his jacket pocket. “But all I really want to know right now is which way to the mess hall?”

Miss Lewis smiled, but before she could respond Steve clapped him on the shoulder and led him away for a second breakfast. 

Over the next couple of weeks he received dozens of updates via Miss Lewis from his legal team about their attempts to have him cleared of all charges relating to the crimes he committed as the Winter Soldier (and the few he committed after), but he never saw her outside of their meetings. Not in the mess hall, not at team movie nights, not even in passing. According to Steve she was drowning in work and pretty much lived in her office. She needed help but had refused to hire assistants, not trusting the vetting process with all the enemies the Avengers had accumulated.

Feeling guilty, and just a little too curious for his own good, Bucky went in search of her office. He heard her before he saw her. It sounded like she was having the argument of the century with a disgruntled voice that reminded him of his old drill instructor. He was going to leave her to it and try again later when he heard his name being thrown about. He crept closer, keeping out of sight of Darcy and the holograph she was arguing with.

“How can you stand there denying the dangers posed by enhanced individuals when you’re harbouring the fugitive James Buchanan Barnes, the most prolific assassin in living memory?”

Bucky winced but Darcy narrowed her eyes at the hologram and stood her ground.

“Sergeant Barnes’ location is not a secret, nor is he a fugitive. He surrendered himself to the Wakandan authorities and per the agreement his legal representation made with the US government - which you’re well aware of, I remember how much you bitched about it in the press - he is on house arrest at this facility until his trial commences, if it ends up going ahead at all. And if you think he’s going to give up what little freedom he has now and could have in the future and sign this joke of a document, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Her opponent sneered. “Last I checked, Miss Lewis, you weren’t a lawyer.”

“Not yet, anyway. But I did pass my Civics 101 class, and I watched a lot of SchoolHouse Rock! as a kid: This is not a bill, or a law, or an official policy of the US Government. Even if it gets ratified by the UN, you cannot enforce it as it goes against the Constitution and violates a US citizen’s 4th, 5th, 6th, and 8th Amendment rights.”

“Wanda Maximoff-“

“-is a dual Sokovian-US citizen; I made sure of it. And if you can somehow round up a bunch of asshole commandos willing to enforce this PR nightmare to appease your bruised ego, the governor of New York - who gifted this land to the Avengers - and all his friends on Capitol Hill are going to have something to say about it. Especially after the so-called World Security Council tried to nuke his hometown while the Avengers were risking their lives to save his constituents from aliens. So,” she continued, tossing the intimidated stack of paper aside and waiting for it to hit her desk with a satisfying thump before continuing, “until you can put together something less offensive than this pile of crap, we don’t have anything more to talk about.”

“Listen here you little-“

“Sorry Thad, you’re breaking up. I think your country club is going through a tunnel.”

Darcy disconnected the holographic video call with a wave of her hand and fell into the closest chair with a dramatic groan.

“Wow…” Bucky remarked, stepping into her office. “I take it we don’t like that guy.” 

“We really don’t like that guy,” Darcy concurred, tossing her heels across the room in irritation.

“What’s his deal?”

“General Ross’ deal is that he wants all the power. And since superheroes have lots of power he wants them, preferably conscripted into service of the US government or locked up in a submersible military black site paid for with taxpayer dollars that he thinks I don’t know about. He’s been this way ever since Bruce’s accident.” At Bucky’s lack of recognition she continued, “Bruce was trying to replicate the supersoldier serum for the US Military, reporting to General Ross. Things went boom, Bruce turned into the Hulk, escaped Ross’ clutches and went on the run. Under the guise of bringing the Hulk in, Ross approved another human trial of the supersoldier serum. He ended up creating what the media dubbed as “the Abomination” – twice the rage of the Hulk, none of the ability to reconnect with his humanity. And while Bruce was forced to go back into hiding for the next five years for his part in destroying Harlem, General Ross didn’t even get knocked down a rank. The bastard shouldn’t be able to breathe in DC’s direction, let alone have a hand in policing “enhanced individuals,” so naturally he makes a perfect choice for Secretary of State,” she scoffed.

Bucky watched her for a moment before reaching out to help her up from her chair. “You look like you could use a drink. C’mon, I’m buying.”

“Dude, it’s like 10am,” Darcy argued, but took his hand regardless. 

Two floors down and one building over in the facility cafeteria Bucky watched on with barely disguised amusement as Darcy made love to her Mocha Frappuccino.

“Oh, yeah, that’s the stuff.”

She’d put on some flats and discarded her jacket before leaving her office, and once they were seated and waiting for their drinks she set her glasses down on the table and took down her hair. 

Bucky loved the way she smiled when she was able to let go of the stress of her job, even if it was only for a moment, so he did what he could to give her more of them. Tuesday morning coffee breaks became a regular occurrence, and if she missed dinner Bucky would check in on her to make sure she took a break and ate something. Eventually he asked her to schedule all their meetings and anything to do with his legal issues as her last tasks of the day, that way if she was snowed under and running late he had an excuse to invite her to join him for dinner afterwards. He was working up the nerve to ask her to dinner without the pretense of work when the Asgardians arrived.

Steve stood beside him, watching as the huge ship landed just beyond the facility's - and Bucky’s - boundaries. 

“So it’s true?” Darcy asked, out of breath from the short run from the administration building. “He’s really back?”

“Yeah, Thor’s back. You were there when he crash landed the first time, right?” Steve asked.

“She tased him,” Bucky informed him with a smirk. “I read the report.”

“Yeah, I totally tased him. And introduced him to Pop-Tarts. But I also lost him in the breakup – it’s been, like, almost two years since I last saw him.”

It didn’t stop her waving like a lunatic the moment Thor ambled down the spaceship’s ramp, a small village worth of people following close behind him.

“Oh, this is going to be so much paperwork…” Darcy muttered as the god caught sight of them.

“My friends! Lady Darcy!!”

“Thor! What the hell happened to your eye?” she asked when he wrapped her up in one of his godly hugs.

“It’s a long story, lightning sister.”

“Did you bring all of Asgard with you?” Steve asked as he and Bucky watched the strangely dressed visitors make the most of the sunshine and soft grass.

“As many as we could save,” Thor admitted somberly. “I know that their arrival will cause some problems for your world’s governments but any aid you could provide my people in our time of need would be gratefully appreciated. A new homeland, perhaps?” he added, managing to do pretty decent puppy dog eyes even with only one good one.

“I’ll make some calls,” Darcy offered, flashing Thor an indulgent smile.

“Thank you, my lightning sister. And for your efforts, I have brought you a souvenir.”

“Space souvenir? Cool!”

“Aye, very cool,” he smirked, putting a hand around her shoulders and directing her gaze to where a man wearing psychedelic monk robes was trying to make his way through the crowd of Asgardians. 

Darcy’s expression fell and Bucky almost rushed to her side.

“Bruce?”

At the sound of his name the man looked up and regarded Darcy sheepishly.

“Hey, bunny.”

“Bruce!!” Darcy was off like a shot, shoes abandoned in the grass as she all but threw herself on the new arrival. “What the hell happened to you? I hacked everyone trying to find you but not even Phil had eyes on you. Why didn’t you call me!” she cried, hugging him so tightly Bucky was worried the guy might not be able to breathe.

“I’m so sorry Darcy. I was stuck in Hulk mode up until a couple of days ago. He was like a gladiator on this trash planet in the outer reaches of the universe. It was crazy.”

“Not as crazy as these clothes, dude,” she teased with a sniffle, tugging on the gold vestments.

“Yeah, they’re a lot. But I had to Hulk out again on Asgard and these were the only spare clothes lying around on the spaceship. Oh, I gotta introduce you to some new friends,” he exclaimed excitedly, leading Darcy back towards the spaceship. 

Bucky watched her go, his heart breaking at the sight of her reuniting with her fella. She’d mentioned Bruce a few times, but he hadn’t realised they had been an item. Maybe, since he’d apparently disappeared on her, it had been too painful for her to talk about. Bucky left Steve and Thor to organise the SHIELD agents that had descended to deal with the alien incursion, and left Darcy to her reunion. 

In the weeks that followed Bucky hardly saw Darcy at all. She was spearheading talks with the Norwergian government to establish New Asgard within their borders and spent the rest of her time managing the needs of the refugees who had set up a temporary camp in the field where they landed. She was also fending off demands for the arrest of Thor’s brother, who apparently was more hated and feared than the Winter Soldier was. 

In an effort to reduce her workload Bucky had offered to deal with his legal team directly, even though he hated how they talked down to him when giving him updates. But it made Darcy’s life easier so he took it on, often bringing Steve in on their conference calls to act as a buffer when he felt he was close to snapping at one of his condescending but very, very good lawyers.

Now that he had no reason to bother Darcy he saw her even less than when he first arrived, though he did hear that Bruce had dragged her out of her office once or twice for a late dinner. They never seemed as touchy feely as they had when they were first reunited and they hadn’t spent any time alone together behind closed doors (not that he’d checked security footage). Maybe they weren’t together any more - a lot can happen in two years, Bucky mused. Maybe Bruce had moved on - he was always gushing about that intimidating and frequently drunk Valkyrie woman. Or maybe, Bucky hoped against hope, Darcy had. The question was keeping him up at night, and since Darcy was too busy to be bothered with his insecurities he sought out the famous Dr Bruce Banner. 

Bucky found him a few days later, after another postponed coffee date, in one of the facilities labs, looking over some holographic schematics. 

“Sergeant Barnes, it’s nice to see you again. What can I do for you?” Bruce greeted with a smile. 

“I’m not interrupting?” he asked, gesturing at the complicated calculations.

“Not at all. It’s just a project Tony wants a second opinion on. It’s his way of saying “I missed you too,” he jested. 

Bucky bit the bullet. “It’s about Darcy.”

“What about her?” 

“I just… I feel like a real shitheel asking, but I gotta know; are you and Darcy together?”

“Together like…”

“Dating. Are you dating?”

Bruce’s eyes almost bugged out of his skull. “Did Tony put you up to this?”

“Stark and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms,” Bucky admitted.

“And Darcy never mentioned me? She said you two had been hanging out a lot before she got sidetracked with all the Asgardian refugee drama.”

“She mentioned you plenty. She just never mentioned that two of you were an item.”

“And she also never mentioned that I’m her father, I take it,” Bruce replied with a smirk.

“...What?”

“I’m her biological father. I am not dating her,” Bruce reiterated. “But I take it you want to?” he teased. 

“Uh… yes?” he winced after his brain came back online after processing this new information. “Did you not want me to? I would understand,” he murmured, gesturing vaguely at his shiny new arm as though his bloody history was written on the metal plates.

“I don’t get to have a say in the matter,” Bruce remarked, not unkindly, as he returned most of his attention back to the glowing calculations. “and I’m kind of the last guy who should be giving you grief over things you did when you weren’t in full control of yourself. Besides, you’ve probably known her longer than I have at this point.” He smiled sadly at Bucky’s confused expression. “The first time I met Darcy was when she and Jane moved into Tony’s tower. She told me I was her biological father about two weeks later. Before that moment, I hadn’t even known I had a daughter. We had maybe three months of getting to know each other, eating takeout in my lab once a week, and then Ultron happened. I quite literally disappeared off the face of the earth. I come back, and she’s all grown up and practically running the world,” he laughed. “She’s also crushing pretty hard on a certain supersoldier, in case you were wondering.”

“Yeah, well, Steve is pretty cute I guess,” Bucky mused, ducking his head to hide the blush in his cheeks behind his hair. 

Bruce smiled. “Ask her out, Sergeant.”

Bucky delivered a Mocha Frappuccino to Darcy’s office that night and asked her to have dinner with him whenever she found the time. She blushed something fierce as she said yes, and Bucky committed the image to memory. 

A month later they were officially a couple, but with Darcy’s crazy workload and his looming trial they were taking things slow. He’d only kissed her goodnight a couple of times but he’d stopped resisting the urge he had to wrap Darcy up in his arms the second she was off the clock. 

He was indulging in said urge the night of the Asgardian farewell party - the Norwegian deal had gone through pretty quickly all things considered, and Thor and the last of the Asgardians were heading out to New Asgard in the morning - when Tony Stark made his trademarked grand entrance. He had barely taken two steps out of his latest Iron Man suit when he pointed a finger in their direction. 

“What’s the murderbot doing with his murderarm around my niece?” 

“I’m not your niece, Tony,” Darcy called over everyone else's scolding.

“What are you talking about? Bruce is your bio dad, I’m his science bro; you’re totally my science niece.”

Darcy giggled. “That’s not a thing, Tony. And to answer your totally offensive question; we’re dating.”

“No, I forbid it.”

“You don’t get to have an opinion.”

“Of course I do. Everyone loves hearing my opinions.”

“We really don’t,” Bucky heard Steve mutter into his beer. 

“I don’t want to hear them, Tony. I’m a big girl and I make my own choices.”

“You make terrible choices,” Tony mumbled petulantly. 

“I tell Pepper the same thing all the time,” she teased.

“How dare you!” Tony gasped, feigning offence. “Do I at least get to give the Russian menace the shovel talk?”

“No, no shovel talks. I don’t want you scaring him off.”

“If the Hulk didn’t scare me off, doll, nothing will.”

“Awww.” 

“That’s not the way I remember it,” Bruce chimed in.

“Shut up,” Bucky retorted over Bruce’s chuckles. “Besides, I already got the shovel talk from Valkyrie. She takes her role as angry-mom very seriously.”

“Who’s Valkyrie? Wait, did you say mom?!” Tony squawked, turning to demand answers from Bruce. 

“Hulk like angry girl,” Thor teased.

“Where is she? Is she here? I have to meet her.”

“Tony! Tony, stop. She went to New Asgard two days ago. No! Step away from the suit!”

As everyone one laughed at Bruce trying to keep Tony away from his suit Darcy leant in close, sending a shiver down Bucky’s spine as she whispered in his ear. 

“How about I say goodbye to Thor and you walk me back to my room, Sergeant?”

Bucky smiled. “Whatever you want, doll.”

[itsbenedict]

Kingdoms and Koopas: Ep. 9

K&K is a Fate Accelerated campaign set in the Mario universe, which I’m running for three players:

Bee @thebeeskneesocks​, playing Kandace Koopa

Jovian @jovian12​, playing Cozmo Naut

Malky @sleepdepravity​, playing Dr. Chevy Chain

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Previously on Kingdoms and Koopas, the gang infiltrated the previously-invisible Orbital Doom Casa of the alien invasion force led by Orbulon, Tatanga the Mysterious Spaceman, and the disembodied head of Sir Grodus. They did a number on Tatanga and rescued Princess Opal, but... they’ve still got to get a hold of the Music Key powering the ship, get out, and do so without causing the now-powerless giant spaceship to fall out of the sky and onto the unsuspecting city below.

Also, an unexpected interloper shows up and has a bad day.

So to kick things off, they’ve got a power core room featuring the power core (which they can’t take without causing the ship they’re on to crash), an unconscious spaceman, and a destroyed mech suit. For reasons I don’t totally understand, they decide their first priority is to hide the evidence of what they’ve done. That means disposing of a ton of huge mech parts- and their search for a mech-parts-sized garbage chute in the power core is fruitless. 

So, they call in some assistance from Orbulon. Or, rather, they make use of the codephrase they received from him to command the Space Bunnies at the Bunny Ranch to do their bidding. They head over there, all three of them totally failing their spot checks as they leave.

The Bunny Ranch is incongruous with the rest of the spaceship- the walls are painted sky-blue, there’s astroturf or possibly actual grass on the ground, and all the bunnies are defying gravity and frolicking around. When Chevy speaks the codephrase “time to strike”, they follow her commands. Her commands are to find somewhere to hide the parts of the Pagosu. They don’t say anything to acknowledge this, but they line up and start following the party, so...

When they return to the power core, as they step through the door, they immediately feel the ship lurch, see the lights go out, and notice the consequences of their having failed their spot checks earlier. 

What they didn’t notice was a tall figure in a black cloak- you know the tall figure in the black cloak, the one who’s been following them around and apparently trying to steal the Music Keys for Kammy Koopa- slipping into the room as they exited. And what they see on their return is that exact figure, having snatched the Music Key that was keeping the ship afloat, making a break for the elevator to flee.

Thankfully, they rescued Princess Opal earlier. As the princess of the Magic Kingdom, she has magical power to spare- that’s why Tatanga was trying to hypnotize her into serving as the ship’s new power core. She rushes over to do so voluntarily, channeling magic to restore power.

This is heavy work, though, so Kandace decides to help lighten the load- literally. Remember she has that one spell she keeps using on Chevy, the one that makes things lighter- but also softer and rounder? She, uh... attempts to cast this spell on the ship. Yes, the entire ship. No, that shouldn’t have worked. Yes, she rolled pretty well, and I had to give her something.

So the floor and walls of the ship suddenly get- not totally cushiony like the spell does to normal targets, but a little bit softer and springier. The floor is like a trampoline, now.

But meanwhile, the cloaked figure is still getting away! Chevy is in hot pursuit, and accidentally wings one of the central power pylons, but she manages to catch up. Cozmo follows, attempting to, uh...

Well, he’s attempting to ride a firework for speed.

It, uh, doesn’t work exactly as planned. Fireworks aren’t known for being able to support the weight of an entire person, so he sorta eats dirt on account of his aspect Actually Lame. But, hey, there’s a convenient logical consequence of trying to ride a firework: they explode! Even when you’re riding them! Which meant I got to channel Dale Friesen for a sec.

“So, would you like it to explode in your favor, or not in your favor?”

“Oh! Uh, in my favor, please!”

“As you command. The firework explodes in your favor.”

Which means that the force of the explosion is much greater than expected, and Cozmo takes a heavy hit as it explodes underneath him, and... launches him into the elevator, allowing him to catch up to the cloaked figure. Which was his objective, making the roll! Entirely in his favor.

So Cozmo and Chevy manage to get in the elevator with the cloaked figure, and hold the door open for Kandace, not far behind. Opal stays behind to power the ship, and Nauti Naut helps the space bunnies do... something with the Pagosu parts.

Anyway, they roll for initiative and start beating up on this dude as the elevator heads up. They try to snatch the Music Key from his hands, but he has a surprisingly strong grip, and they aren’t having much luck. Plus, he manages to steal Kandace’s broom!

They’re in the middle of this brawl, Chevy having managed to pin him down under his bulk, when the doors to the elevator open- onto the bridge of the ship. They are immediately noticed by X-Naut guards- who recognize Cozmo, and ask what the heck is going on. Entirely truthfully, he tells them that this creepo stole the power core, and they’re trying to get it back so that the ship doesn’t crash. So a couple guards come over to try and join the fight.

Chevy isn’t having any of it- that’d just make all this more complicated. She whips her chain and hits the door close button before they can get inside, and they head back down towards the power core. And they... do a pretty bad job lying about why they did that, making the guards pretty suspicious.

But that’s a problem for later! Back down they go. Chevy finally manages to get the cloaked figure to drop the Music Key by threatening to bite his hand off, and then rolls shockingly well to spit the Music Key back into place as soon as the elevator doors open again.

The cloaked figure, heedless of his assailants, runs to go try and grab it again- but Opal manages to block him, now that the Music Key is in place and she’s not tied up channeling magic. And Kandace follows this up by casting a spell against him.

The spell is a tornado made of fire.

The tornado made of fire behaves erratically, in this round room with two “downs” and no “up”, and begins spinning around the room at high speed. It hits the cloaked figure, lighting up his cloak of magical darkness and burning it to a crisp.

And the true identity of the cloaked figure is... 

...some weird tall purple guy with a crooked mustache and a big nose! Sort of an... underwhelming reveal. Kandace thinks maybe she’s seen him before on TV somewhere- like, a sporting event, maybe?

Anyway, they continue trying to down this weirdo. Chevy pops over to the Bunny Ranch to call in the cavalry, while Kandace just goes totally apeshit on him and bites onto his head. Cozmo goes to slap him, and apparently doesn’t know his own strength because it’s a crit that severely wounds the dude, dealing more damage than any single attack the party has ever done. Things continue on in this vein, with Kandace continuing to aggro him, the horde of space bunnies ineffectually pulling at him and impeding his movement, and Cozmo launching him to the ceiling by shoving fireworks up his nose. The whole time, this guy- his name’s “Waluigi”, if you’re wondering- he’s single-mindedly focused on grabbing the Music Key, failing to attack the party.

Having taken him down, the space bunnies disperse and the team is left in... roughly the same situation as before, except instead of a destroyed mech there is an unconscious man with a destroyed nose. The X-Naut guards show up, but their suspicious are quickly dispelled when they see that the party did, in fact, subdue the intruder and return the Music Key to the power core. 

(They do worry about Tatanga being unconscious, but the party manages to bluff past their questions- their story is that Tatanga was a traitor who was working with Waluigi to steal the power core.)

Chevy starts patching up Waluigi’s injuries, which Kandace objects to.

Kandace: “Aw, no, why would you do that?! He sucks!”

Chevy: “Hippocratic Oath.”

Kandace: “The Hippocratic Oath doesn’t say anything about having to help people!”

GM: No, it’s mostly about killing hippos.

Jovian: No, that’s the Hippopotamus Oath.

A line that I for some reason found so god damn hilarious that I started laughing uncontrollably and had to spend a couple minutes laboriously regaining my composure. I... couldn’t tell you why; I wasn’t even drunk.

So while Chevy is working on patching up their victim, Kandace works at cross-purposes- drawing a teleportation circle (you know, the kind that teleports stuff specifically to the cloud of one obnoxious Lakitu at the school across the street) underneath Waluigi. Halfway through Chevy’s patch job, she triggers it and banishes his unconscious body. Chevy’s not happy, but what’re you gonna do.

So now they need a plan to actually... take the Music Key. They can’t do it right away, or else the ship falls out of the sky, crushing a bunch of people. They need to get the ship somewhere else first, so that when it crashes it does not cause the kind of carnage typically associated with a spaceship crash.

They’ve got a couple ideas- Chevy heads down the elevator with Opal to investigate Tatanga’s Hypno-Chamber, and Cozmo and Kandace head up the elevator to see if they can convince Grodus to steer the ship somewhere else.

Convincing Grodus... doesn’t go well. He congratulates them for dealing with the intruder, but sees no reason that the ship should land for emergency repairs. They’ve always done their emergency repairs in space, the place they’re from. If they could just land places, they wouldn’t need to go about taking over planets. Duh. So... their rolls to persuade him there don’t go great.

New plan, then: distract Grodus, use the controls while he’s distracted, and land the ship themselves. This is difficult both because the bridge is packed with people who might notice, and also because Grodus is a disembodied head more or less bolted to the control console, and thus is difficult to distract from said controls.

Kandace does her best anyway, though. She puts on a juggling act- with a rotten worm-filled apple she was planning to give to a teacher, a magic crystal, and a Mini-Yux she snags from a nearby and now-unhappy Yux. And... bombs the roll. Grodus is displeased and gives her ten Juggling Demerits, prompting a round of “ooooooooooh”s from the surrounding personnel.

All in all, bad rolls mean their attempts to trick Grodus into flying away end in abject failure. How are Opal and Chevy doing downstairs?

The Hypno-Chamber is pretty sparse- just psychedelic walls, a desk full of miscellaneous hypnosis-related gadgets, and a table to strap people down to. Their investigation, supported by Opal, determines that the transmitter for the wide-cast hypnosis isn’t in the lab- and was probably stored in the Pagosu, which they destroyed and then gave to some mute space bunnies to hide the pieces of, somewhere they can’t tell them because they don’t talk. So Chevy’s Plan A- hypnotize Grodus into getting out of Dodge- is a no-go.

But one thing they do find... is a set of project notes. Including a blueprint for a device, powered by four Music Keys, which would be capable of hypnotizing everyone on the entire planet. And they also contain some diary entries that describe the failure of this project.

Evidently, Tatanga hypnotized someone- some agent, who would be tasked with going to steal the Music Keys from where they were being kept. However, he felt the connection to his hypnotized agent get stolen from him, just as that agent was in the process of stealing the Keys. The agent managed to send him one of the Keys- the blue one now powering the ship- but someone stole the hypnosis and tasked the agent with obtaining the keys for them.

Chevy has a theory- that Kammy Koopa was Tatanga’s agent, and is now working for an unseen master to collect the Music Keys and hypnotize the world.

...Even though, wait, Kammy Koopa supposedly already had the Keys, until something unspecified happened and they all flew away? Hence the mission the party is now on? What exactly is going on behind the scenes, here?

Anyway, Kandace and Cozmo meet up with Chevy and Opal, and they come up with a Plan B. It’s sort of a cross-counter, relying on the existence of two different ways to mind-control people on this ship.

Remember, the X-Production Chamber had a bank of brainwashing machines at the back. Hypnosis victims from Rainbow Road were collected there, all queued up to get more permanently brainwashed by the machines. Tatanga was temporarily hypnotizing people so they wouldn’t resist being placed in those machines and made into honorary X-Nauts.

So... well, they’ve got the unconscious body of Tatanga with them. They have access to brainwashing machines. And Tatanga is a talented hypnotist who can hypnotize people into doing his bidding. So, logically, if they brainwash Tatanga into hypnotizing Grodus, they can get him to steer the ship into, say, the ocean.

It’s a skeezy plan, but, y’know, lives are at stake, and all. Opal agrees to help.

So they lug him down there, and encounter... total chaos. Because... when they knocked out Tatanga, or possibly when they destroyed the mecha broadcasting the hypnotic control signal, all the people lined up to get brainwashed were suddenly less inclined to do that. So there’s just... this massive brawl between the native and brainwashed X-Nauts, and all the unruly prisoners who were in no way restrained except by the now absent hypnosis. It’s total anarchy in there.

They find a group of X-Naut scientists who have taken cover behind a desk, and tell them that hey, they’ve got this traitor here- and he’s the Supreme Hypnotist, so if they can brainwash him, they should be able to get this mess under control with hypnosis again. They’re amenable to this idea, so Chevy and Kandace cross the battlefield over to the brainwashing chairs, while Opal and Cozmo stay behind to watch the scientists operate the computer.

So, the thing about this is that the X-Naut scientists aren’t going to brainwash Tatanga into hypnotizing Grodus. Meaning, they’re going to need to figure out how this brainwashing computer program works, so they can do it themselves. It’s this behemoth of arcane tools, views, and menus that they don’t understand, like the first time you opened Photoshop or an audio editing program or something.

They have mixed results on their rolls to observe, and only figure out how to a) install presets (things like Obey Grodus Unconditionally, Know X-Naut-Fu, Do Space Science, etc.) and futz with the personality sliders. 

As they’re trying to figure out more, a Bob-omb goes off and blows away a bunch of the scientists, giving the team an opening to sweep away the rest (literally, in Kandace’s case. Broom.) But now they’ve all got to work together to figure out how to work this crazy thing! There’s a ton of settings and sliders that they have no idea how to use, and they’re going to use them to give Tatanga a fun new personality. It’s time for an episode of Monster Factory: Brain Edition!

Mechanically, this works as follows: You take turns rolling both Clever (to see if you can accomplish what you want to do) and Careful (to see if you avoid terrible side effects). Chevy is good in both, Cozmo is okay in Clever and awful in Careful, and Kandace is high-Clever low-careful.

And then there’s Opal, who has boss-tier Clever, and negative Careful. She’s a mad scientist! Or, magician. She was banned from Mario Kart because her inventions were too unpredictable and dangerous. When it gets to her turn, there will be a problem, guaranteed.

So Chevy, unfortunately, bombs her rolls and accomplishes basically nothing. Cozmo, on his turn, doesn’t manage to accomplish much, and accidentally sets his personality to “incredibly lost and confused”. Kandace manages a little better- she manages to make him devoted to someone, but that someone is Cozmo, not herself. 

And then Opal, who rolls high on Clever to make him actually obey Cozmo, and a -3 on Careful. The result- because we were running long and I wanted to hurry things up- was that the brainwashing would wear off very quickly, and they had to act fast.

So they run up to the bridge, towing an extremely-confused Tatanga behind them. When they get there, their plan mostly goes off without a hitch. Tatanga hypnotizes everyone there, they all start chanting “Sir Cozmo”, and Grodus obediently steers the ship into the Enchanted Sea. There is a small glitch in the wording of “gently and carefully” that causes the landing to be less than gentle and careful- but they manage to get it done just before Tatanga’s brainwashing starts wearing off and he starts wondering just why Cozmo is such a good friend when all he’s done is beat him up and then order him around.

So, now what? 

Well, they run. They have an escape route, remember- Kandace drew a teleportation circle in the power core, the one she used to banish Waluigi! As Cozmo and the rest handle Grodus upstairs, she nabs the Music Key and shuts down the ship. It starts sinking, so Chevy rolls mondo good on Forcefully smashing through the elevator doors and falling down there and dashing for the power core. They all crowd into the teleportation circle, Kandace triggers it, and they’re outta there!

So, next time... well, next time they’ll be emerging from the cloud of Ted the Storm God again, and who knows what kind of hot water that’s gonna be landing them in?

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[thisguyatthemovies]

Burning not so brightly

Title: “Brightburn”

Release date: May 24, 2019

Starring: Jackson A. Dunn, Elizabeth Banks, David Denman, Matt Jones, Meredith Hagner, Gregory Alan Williams

Directed by: David Yarovesky

Run time: 1 hour, 31 minutes

Rated: R

What it’s about: A child from another planet crash-lands in Brightburn, Kansas, where he is raised by a farm couple, and upon adolescence discovers he has superpowers that he uses for evil instead of good.

How I saw it: It sounds like a great idea for a movie, because it is. What if a Superman-type character thrust into the same situation as the Man of Steel chooses to use his powers to take over his new home planet instead of saving it? That simple premise is awash with promise, and there is plenty of territory in Superman comic books and movies to explore. And, though it has been done in comics, such a twist on a superhero sounds refreshing given the formulaic nature of Marvel and DC movies.

But “Brightburn” -- directed by David Yarovesky (in his directorial debut), written by Brian Gunn and Mark Gunn, brother and cousin, respectively, of “Guardians of the Galaxy” director James Gunn, who produces here – takes a good idea and squanders it. It doesn’t aim to be a blockbuster superhero movie, with a budget of just $7 million, but that isn’t the problem. The problem is that it aims to be a low-budget slasher movie and too often settles for just that – a slasher movie that does not stray far from the proven formula and clichés. It could have been any number of horror movies that just so happens to have a Superman-like character in it.

Jackson A. Dunn plays Brandon, who arrived on Earth when his spaceship from another planet crash-landed in Kansas (this should sound familiar already). He is discovered by a farm couple, Tori (Elizabeth Banks) and Kyle (David Denman) Breyer, who had been trying to have children. They do what any couple would do. They decide to raise the child they know nothing about, conveniently hide his spaceship in a nearby barn cellar and lie to everyone by saying they adopted Brandon. What could possibly go wrong? Well, plenty.

The story gets going when Brandon turns 12, which often is when the trouble starts with boys not from another planet. He discovers he has superhuman strength. Then his spaceship starts calling to him and convinces him to “take the world.” Before long, he figures out the whole adoption thing was a lie. And in short order he becomes a sociopath, totally unfeeling toward even his own family.

You can guess what happens from here. Brandon is like an evil kid in a candy store with his newly discovered powers. He is empowered by being surrounded by the biggest bunch of idiots you can imagine, his “parents” topping the list of gullible potential victims. They, Tori’s sister Merilee (Meredith Hagner), her husband Noah (Matt Jones) and the stereotypical clueless sheriff (Gregory Alan Williams) either ignore what is obvious about the boy or write it off as just part of the growing-up process.

Banks, who is a better-than-average actress, fares the worst here. She prayed for Brandon to arrive (maybe not from another planet so much) and as such is going to stand behind him no matter how many people he gruesomely slaughters. Brandon is, and always will be, her baby boy, and she says that or something like it about 50 times in a not particularly long film. Denman’s character isn’t any smarter. Once he confronts Brandon, the boy flexes his muscle, slamming his adopted father into a wall. So, what does Kyle Breyer do? Drive the troubled boy out into a remote wooded area so that, you know, he can meet a terrible fate.

Why Brandon has chosen to be evil isn’t really explored, other than his spaceship talked him into it, and that’s a shame. It was the one thing the premise set up, but all we get is that Brandon is evil because Brandon can be evil. None of the usual superhero moral dilemma is present here. “Brightburn” can be viewed as an allegory about male privilege, but the filmmakers didn’t seem to be as interested in that as the body count. It is fun, in a weird way, to watch Brandon become like one of those “nice guys” on a Reddit thread. A girl in his class is nice to him when others are picking on him, so he starts stalking her, then breaks her hand when she calls him on his creepiness, then brings her flowers by showing up in her bedroom uninvited a second time, then murders her mother. They must have cut the scene where Brandon went on Reddit and asked, “What did I do wrong?”

“Brightburn” isn’t a total disaster. Dunn is quite good in his feature-film debut, exuding evil even when he isn’t performing evil acts. He does a good job of playing a confused adolescent boy who quickly realizes no one can stop him from doing whatever he wants. The gore, though there isn’t a lot of it by slasher film standards, is intense and on occasion gasp-worthy, with Jones’ character faring the worst. And, at a lean 91 minutes, it’s exactly half as long as the ridiculously lengthy “Avengers: Endgame,” and it would be nice to see more comic-book movies check in at less than 2 hours, even if this is a horror movie with a kind-of, sort-of connection to the comics. Because of its paltry budget, “Brightburn” will make money, and the ending leaves open the possibility of a sequel or cinematic universe.

But “Brightburn” overall is a disappointment. It is a movie that had a great idea and great potential but does not live up to either. Worse, it didn’t seem to try.

My score: 39 out of 100

Should you see it? Only if mediocre horror movies are your thing. Even then, it can wait for disc/streaming release.

[fantompainblog]

Halo: Finishing the Fight-"Abraca-F*k You, Dark Elves"

Image: https://www.deviantart.com/josephcaesarsd/art/HALO-FORWARD-UNTO-DAWN-clr-111502340 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4108390/1/Halo-Finishing-the-Fight

Author: Red Mage 04

Official Summary: The Ark wasn’t the end. Stranded on an alien world where the rules of reality no longer apply, the Master Chief and his allies will face new challenges. When darkness rises, they must show that sometimes, a few brave souls can make all the difference.

Fandoms: Halo and Forgotten Realms

Publication Date: March 2, 2008

Status: Complete

Length: 410,103 words, 47 chapters

Rating: T

Introduction: Halo: Finishing the Fight is one of the first fanfics I ever read, it was all the way back in like, 2008 or 09, I was in the eighth grade and just started tooling around on TV Tropes.org. There I discovered their fanfic recs section, which, spoiler alert, is how I encountered the majority of the stuff we’re gonna talk about on this blog. As for the fic itself, it combines so many things that I love, big long epics, sci-fi, fantasy, sci-fi interacting with fantasy, Halo, and crossovers. Ah, the crossover, one of the most fun parts of fan fiction. Sure there are plenty of crossovers in official media, but they tend to be insubstantial one-offs, while fan fiction, being free from copyright law and the logistics of creators having to work together, can just go nuts. And boy does Finishing the Fight go nuts. The Source Material:

In case you’re unfamiliar with Halo, it’s a first person shooter franchise set in the far future, where enhanced super-soldier Master Chief John-117 battles the Covenant, a theocratic alien alliance, and stumbles upon a mysterious artificial ring-world built by an extinct race. I love Halo; it's one of those things that I got into when I was young, got a lot of good memories of playing with my dad and my friends. So now I have a permanent soft spot for it, I've played most of the games and read almost all the spin-off novels. First-person shooters have a reputation for shallow plots, but Halo has a pretty fleshed out universe. There’s a lot of good sci-fi to be found in the Halo books, at least if you’re into military sci-fi. Finishing the Fight is set right after Halo 3, where the war against the Covenant has been ended, and the Master Chief and his allies escape an exploding artificial planet via a space portal. Some important notes for Halo fans going into this fic: The author alters the ending of Halo 3, two characters that canonically die survive, and their spaceship gets through the portal in one piece. This story was also written way before Halo 4 and the Forerunner trilogy, so it presents its own version of some things revealed in those stories. Oh, one more thing, Finishing the Fight was also written before the Arbiter's real name was revealed, and thus uses a different name for the character. Forgotten Realms is one of the official Dungeons & Dragons settings, and the location of numerous book series and video games, the ones pertinent to this fic are the Legend of Drizzt series and Neverwinter Nights 2. In general, it’s a high fantasy setting with plenty of fantastical races and creatures running around, powerful magic, and a pantheon of deities that actively interact with mortals. You don’t need to know a lot about Forgotten Realms to get into this story; I certainly didn't. I've played plenty of Dungeons & Dragons in my time, but my experience with Forgotten Realms is limited to this story, as well as it being, ostensibly, the setting of the fantastic D&D podcast the Adventure Zone. Thus I can't really comment much on the author's portrayal of the setting and its characters. The Fic:

The plot of Finishing the Fight goes like this: After escaping the Ark at the end of Halo 3, the Master Chief and his pals crash land in Faerun, the land where Forgotten Realms is set. They meet up with a group of locals, including a Dwarf king, a part-demon thief, and a renegade Dark Elf. But after making contact, the Chief and friends are drawn into a war as an empire of subterranean Dark Elves, or Drow, are planning on invading the surface. And since the Drow are really into slavery, torture, and other nasty things, Chief and company end up opposing them. And of course, there are the machinations of higher powers going on behind the scenes. As I mentioned earlier, this fic has a lot of things that I'm a sucker for, but that being said, I think there's some stuff that could turn people off. There's a lot of description of futuristic military technology and the gruesome things it can do to people, and if that's not your bag, that's fair. Finishing the Fight will also be our introduction to something I like to call the Outside-Context Curb Stomp. It's when two franchises are in a crossover, and the internal rules of one side leave them unprepared for what the other side can do, leading to one-sided confrontations. And a lot of this story involves monsters, wizards, and dudes with swords getting blown away by future weapons. But to be fair, this story doesn't revel in the violence; it's rightly portrayed as horrific. Nor do the Halo characters try and lord any moral superiority over the Forgotten Realms characters. Finishing the Fight also avoids getting too one-sided, the villains, while obviously unprepared for guns and energy weapons, are still competent, and their immense magical powers and sheer numbers mean they still pose a threat to our heroes. The Drow are also a bunch of arrogant, evil, dirt-bags, so it is quite satisfying to watch them get their shit pushed in over the course of the story. I’m not gonna sit here and say Finishing the Fight is like, super deep or anything, but it is a whole lot of fun. The characters are fleshed out enough to be engaging, the plot takes a lot of interesting twists and turns, and the author knows how to write a damn fine action scene. And I'll never get tired of reading about fantasy characters interacting with sci-fi stuff. Even without this being one of my first fics, I still think I would put Finishing the Fight on my list of All-Time Faves. Next Time: We go to the year 2012 to examine some fiction from one of the most notorious fandoms to ever emerge from the murky depths of the internet. That's right folks, it's time to talk about Ponies.

[megalavenderemi]

Can you explain the story for all of the Transformers movie after Transformers 2? I couldn't sit through the rest

FUCK If I KNOW. Those movies suck. But ill try my best to remember.

Full thing after the break because long post

TF3 Dark of the Moon

If I recall correctly after TF2, Humans talk about the Ark which is a Transformers ship since G1. The Ark was discovered on the dark side of the moon back whenever we landed on the moon. The ark was filled with dead autobots trying to escape cybertron but was shot down and crashed. 1 body is revived using the power of the Matrix that optimus has in TF2. the Revived TF is Sentinel Prime who is like on the same level of leadership as Optimus or something very close.

Optimus and Sentinel talk it out and everyones a big happy autobot family. Until it turns out that the decepticons actually were using the Autobot Ark as an exit point for a spacebridge that connects Cybertron to Earth. The spacebridge would then teleport a small portion of cybertron to Earth to be conquered by all the decepticons coming in from cybertron. Yep Sentinel Prime worked with the decepticons all those millions of years ago so that the whole cybertronian race could survive on a new planet even at the cost of all of humanity. City is taken over by decepticons. A lot of robots and humans die. This event will be refered to as the Chicago War in future films. Optimus comes in to save the day with the help of Megatron by killing Sentinel who has a magic wand that is keeping the spacebridge open. Megs helps because of the whole “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” shit and Megs wants Earth to be HIS planet and his alone. No room for sentinel. Optimus then murders Megatron in the most dissapointing Prime vs Megs fight because it legitimately last for NO JOKE 10 SECONDS. I HAVE THIS MOVIE ON MY PC AND I TIMED IT. TEN. Also Prime has 1 arm in that fight because Sentinel chopped it. How does Megatron lose to that?

TF4 Age of Extinction

All robots are in hiding. After the chicago war, humanity wants nothing to do with cybertronians. Every single cybertronian, good and evil, is being hunted down by the military with the help of a decepticon named Lockdown who is the only good thing about this movie. As the military hunts down transformers, their parts are given to a tech company who is extracting “transformium”, what a fucking stupid name, from them in order to create mass produced transformers for people to buy. Because ya know, humanity wants nothing to do with transformers so why not make our own transformers? Also, get this, their AI is based off of the inner workings of the severed head of Megatron. Oh yeah the new safe mass produced thousands of giant robot cars totally wont go apeshit and kill everything like megatron.

Anyways, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch find optimus who is in hiding and reunites OP with Bumblebee and some other autobots. Optimus is then found by Lockdown who is on a mission to capture optimus in addition to killing other cybertronians. Optimus is captured but not before fighting Galvotron, Megatron in a new mass produced transformium, body who then proceeds to take control of all the mass produced transformers and starts fucking China.

Lockdown is about to leave Earth with Optimus in his ship but not before getting his reward for helping humans kill cybertronians. Lockdown gets “The Seed”, an item that can turn an entire landmass, like all of china, into cybertronian metal. IDK what lockdown wants with the Seed. Optimus’ friends sneak on the ship and break out OP as well as some other of Lockdowns prisoners, the Dinobots. Oh yeah they steal the Seed too.

Galvotron wants to activate the seed so he can create a massive army of mass produced transformers from the giant landmass of cybertronian metal the seed would make. Thats a big no-no so Optimus and new dino friends kill every last one of those mass produced TFs, but not Galvatron conveniently. Lockdown is pissed OP escaped so he tries to capture OP again but fails and Lockdown dies. Turns out Lockdown was going to bring back OP to Quintessa, creator of the transformers. Optimus grows rocket shoes and flies into space himself.

TF5 Last Knight

This movie sucks and makes no sense at fucking all and thats saying something so i wont even try to give a legit synopsis. Uhhh fuckin hey Transformers have been on earth since medeival times. Dragons in our fairytales? Actually inspired by Transformers. How did we beat WW2? Transformers. Did you know Hitler was killed by a transformer watch? Yes they actually say that in the film.

Transformers not illegal anymore because why not. Marky Mark finds a cybertronian knight badge which “indicates the end of days”. British man tells Mark that the badge is the key for something. Mark and crew go to an underwater spaceship and activate a thing. Now giant horns are growing out of Earth because Earth is Unicron. Yeah, Earth is literally the transformer god of death. Optimus comes back Evil because he is under the influence of Quintessa and tries to activate Unicron. Shit dont work. Bumblebee speaks out of nowhere which then makes OP good again.

Optimus stops Unicron from activating and everythings good. Oh yeah Megatron is here as Megatron and not Galvatron... who has no story relevancy at all.  Megs and his team of decepticon losers get fucked, but megs doesnt explicitly die. whether he died or not is debatable. He got thrown out into the sky but he has a jet mode so he coulda flown. So yeah the earth has Unicron Horns now. idk what was even planned to happen next.

I probably forgot a lot of stuff but FUCK THESE MOVIES WHAT A CLUSTER AND WASTE OF TIME. FUCK TF5 ESPECIALLY. The only good thing about TF5 was the “Did you forget who I am” scene which was a pretty cool shot.

[tumblunni]

Another random story idea i dreamed last nightd

For once i actually got some details on the protagonist, she was a lady named Ramona who had a wheelchair and worked as a scientist in a sci fi alien future!

The plot was that her spaceship had crashed on the planet she was being escorted to, and all the soldiers and pilot died in the crash so she was left trapped in the wreckage of the ship with limited supplies and trying to stretch them long enough to reach a deadline when the rescue ship would reach her. It was framed as if i was playing a survival type game? But she wasnt able to do all the typical physical fighting and couldnt explore any areas she couldnt get her wheelchair past. She was kinda trapped in a small valley or something? So she had to befriend the local monsters and use their help to gradually expand the amount of areas she could reach. So like her ability of compassion and intellugence helped her survive where all the more traditional buff and gruff space pirate guys had failed.

Oh and there was a really sweet relationship with the first monster she met! I think this dream was inspired by the baby metroid which is why i reblogged a bunch of fanart for it earlier, haha! Ramona found a small psychic levitating jellyfish thingie that was just a bebby and she nursed it back to health. I think it got injured during the spaceship crash and its mother was killed in the wreckage? So she buried the momma monster along with the crew members who passed away, and taking care of this lil monster helped give her the strength to keep on living and believe she could make it home.

The lil larva looked kinda like a Sea Pig worm? Except it had big chompy teeth instead of a tentacle face, and lil dot eyes super far apart with a real goofy sense of personality to them. And it would fly around backwards like a nautilus and bump into stuff! Ramona treated the lil bean's wounds and fed it the last of her food supplies with a lil spoon and it was SO FUCKIN CUTE!! And the poor thing started off scared of her and she was so scared it was gonna die, cos it kept struggling in panic to find its mommy and almost ripping open its wounds. But gradually they reached a level of trust, and it would snuggle up in her arms and do a weird alien equivelant of purring. :3

And then i think this alien species was like the dominant predator of this particular biome of the planet? So usually they would have been the biggest threat to any human astronauts, but because Ramona befriended one of them she had a big advantage towards surviving! Lil bean helped her fight the other monsters and cut down trees to build a shelter and stuff cos it was like Unreasonably Strong for such a smol thing! And its dominant predator status helped it intimidate the other monsters and domesticate them as pets. Like the squishbeanfriend was closer to human sentience and more able to fully bond with our protagonist since it was raised by her from childhood, but all the other monsters would just be temporary allies that stayed wild. It was like you'd gradually remove random encounters in an area and turn them into helpful shortcuts or pseudo-shops. Like a wolfish lizard thing that brings you 1-3 random pieces of free meat each day as deference to your alpha status. And different monsters would like different meat, so if you lucked out you could get a rare type early and befriend a super strong ally in the next area! Or a lil scuttly tree crab thing that gathers shiny things like a magpieb and would run a more normal shop where you can trade useless shinys for shinys that are equally useless to the crab but very useful to humans. Like parts from previous crashed ships to try and fix yours!

And then i think the relationship between ramona and lil bean would become more like a mom and child? The dream didnt have a very consistant progression but at some point the baby monster was bigger and it was able to say some basic human words. And ramona read her storybooks, and also i think the monster was a girl? And ramona helped sew little monster-shaped dresses so she could see what human girls wear on her mommy's weird far away planet~

Oh and i think the adult version of this species was kinda like butterflies and squids combined? Like the Jelleye monster in final fantasy! Instead of a big squishy orb that floats around it would spin a cocoon and come out as a more thin and ethereal squid. It was like several layers of thin lacelike wings? Like not actually wing shaped but more like the ruffled skirts on Brionne from pokemon? Like a biological equivelant of something that looks like human clothes. The 'skirts' were made of similar material to butterfly wings, a thin plasticky film made of microscopic scales. It had multiple layers of that which could flare out like a peacock's tail to look all Big and scare predators! And there was a big eye and lil turtlelike beak on the top of the floof skirts, like where the top of the head would be on an octopus? So it always flew about sideways compared to an octopus but it was frontways for it. And also the mouth in the opposite place compared to squids who have them in the middle of their tentacles and basically in their butt crack. (While their butt crack is somewhere else..)

ANYWAY its hard to explain so i'll probably try and draw this smoofle cutie at some point! But you saw a bunch of the adult form flying around in flocks through the sky and lil bean would someday transform too and be able to fly high enough to reach them. But even though Ramona tried to get her lil teenage pupa daughter to agree to going back to her natural habitat, she refused and wanted to stay with her human adoptive mama. And it was sweet but also bittersweet because Ramona had to worry about whether her daughter would have been happy living a normal life for her species, and whether she'd made it impossible for her to reintegrate into her society because she'd been tainted by human ways of thinking. But lil bean daughter was like "no u literally saved my life i would have been dead without you, i didnt have a chance of a 'normal life' either way and i'd rather have an 'abnormal' mom than no mom at all!"

But also Ramona's worries were unfounded and daughter squiddo was indeed able to learn to communicate with her own kind, and instead became able to act as an ambassador between the two species! When the humans came to rescue Ramona they were able to meet with the squidfolk and undertake peaceful negotiations to reach a compromise between the species and start free cultural exchange instead of mining the planet for resources. Like they had no clue that these aliens were sapient and they could act as the benevolebnt Greys who could introduce their society to the concept of space travel and help them progress technologically.

And like within Ramona's lifetime she got to see this planet develop so much all because of her bad/good luck to just happen to crash there that day! And i think she went on to continue being an awesome space adventurer and travel the cosmos trying to do the same for other planets. She got a super awesome hi tech wheelchair mini spaceship thing that was equipped with mining excavation lazers and underwater mode and all sorts of stuff! And her lil super badass squid daughter came with her and they were a badass family astronaut team for the rest of their days! Like the dream even made sure to clarify that something or other about being stuck on the planet with a busted respirator made Ramona like.. Healthier? It explained it as 'gut flora bacteria' which somehow gave humans an equally long lifespan to the squid creatures, so bean daughter wouldnt have to watch her mom die. But also somehow it only worked for people in wheelchairs because.. Bloodflow?? Like i think i was remembering this story about how a man who lost his legs in a pilot accident was actually even more badass afterwards, cos his tolerance for high altitude flights was increased now he had less body mass to circulate the blood around. But somehow my brain turned that into immortality yogurt, i guess. Anyway the point is that Ramona was super extra double badass because something something the sci fi technology worked uniquely for disabled people. So she was a famous adventurer who could do high danger stuff that other people couldn't! And she used this power to become the ultimate peacemaker and bring more planets into the universal alliance, instead of taking all the mercenary jobs to rob these develiping civilizations of their land and resources.

Damn this was a really damn positive and motivational dream!! i want badass advebture mom and squidbean ambassador daughter to save the world irl! I bet they could kick trump's ass and overhaul the economy into a new era of prosperity and also friendly squids!