#the super hard songs are a different story im pretty sure i got down to under 100 misses on hoh i have no clue for 6 trillion though

[ewyband]

MEDIA EWY CONSOOMED IN 2022

alright queers sit down or scroll past because i’m gonna word vomit out my thought on my favourite things i’ve listened to/watched/played this year that i very much liked.

MOOSIC

ants from up there by black country new road: beautiful BEAUTIFUL album, literally 10/10 best album i’ve listened to this year (as like nearly everyone on any music reviewing site has probably also said). if you haven’t listened to it, its about a straining relationship thats painted using the failed aeroplane project ‘concorde’ as a metaphor to represent the sunk loss fallacy. fav song: good will hunting

THE UNRAVELING OF PUP THE BAND by PUP: this was my first introduction to PUP and listening to this album cumulated in me seeing them in Leeds a few months ago! its an amazing, no-skip, punk album. every single song just PUMPS ME UP !!! makes me wanna smash shit, i love it. FAV LYRIC: ‘200 BUCKS A WEEK JUST TO TALK ABOUT MY LACK OF DIRECTION? I GOT A BIT OF A COMPLEX, IN CASE THAT WASN’T CLEAR FROM THE LAST FEW SESSIONS’

The Dream Is Over - PUP: because i loved the latest PUP album so much i literally just had to listen to this. i only listened to this for the first time a few weeks ago and i’d even go as far to say that its better than tuoptp for sure. again, every single song just fucking goes so hard its insane. i just put this shit on when im walking or gaming and i feel like a mad man, i feel like im dancing in a stadium full of people and we’re all feeling a strong sense of melancholy and violence. i love it. fav song: sleep in the heat (editors note: i didnt know what this song was about until i went to learn it on guitar and looked at the lyrics for the first time and it was so fucking sad it nearly made me cry. RIP norman. im sure you were a great friend)

trick - alex g: this album isn’t my introduction to alex g (lincoln’s sandy cover was) but it was my introduction to their wider discography. i first heard sarah on tiktok and just that intro midi flute and guitar strums flung me back into my childhood. i was playing tig in the playground again, i was making up games in the church car park again, i was scraping my knee trying to climb trees way too tall for me again. this album leaves me with a lot of nostalgia from my angsty-nirvana-listening teen years to my young-dumb childhood years. i love it. fav song: sarah (i also have a major love-hate relationship with the song ‘whale’)

God Save The Animals - alex g: the natural step from ‘trick’ was to look at their new album released this year!!! this is SUCH an interesting album. it goes from classic alex g to some crazy hyper pop type stuff and i LOVE it. i super super love the percussion and the way that the vocals are changed and mangled and distorted in so many different ways. it doesn’t necessarily have any earworms per-say but it does have some pretty incredible new sounds that have really inspired me to develop my own style and try some of the effects mr.g has used in this record. fav song: runner

Be The Cowboy - mitski: my first exposure to mitski was from my partner playing their songs on the car and i never really properly understood it until i saw her live. theres just a pure controlled rage about mitski thats hard to describe in words. its a snarl between words. its letting someone know that they fucked you up in an eloquent hand written letter. i love the pumping synths on this album. i love how mitski can push emotion through her voice to tell a story. sometimes she belts, sometimes she sings softly but you can tell when theres rage behind her voice and i love it. fav song: washing machine heart

Hold on Now, Youngster... - Los Campesinos!: theres something about 2000′s indie music that was particularly made in the UK thats so special because growing up there is such an individual experience that it can’t be translated to anywhere else in the world (much like growing up anywhere else!). lc! manages to capture this and put it into song. its about all the boring shitty themes like love and breakup but telling it through the way we interact with each other. through letters, through mixtapes, through inside jokes and superstitions you made yourself. i love love LOVE the horns in this album and how they work with the violin -- its almost poetic at times. every song on this album slaps, i love the outro. fav song: You! Me! Dancing! 

Blues and Roots - Charles Mingus: i got really into jazz due to my uni course having a section on it and i found myself particularly fond of a sub-genre of jazz called ‘hardbop’ and this charles mingus fella is INSANE at it. listening to this whilst walking feels amazing, its like i can see different shapes and colours flashing in my brain, with every bop and sax solo it just hits so hard. fav song: moanin’

GAMES

Hollow Knight: the art in this game is stunning first a foremost, you start in an unknown world and you are given NOTHING in terms of lore. even the community to this day does not fully understand the lore and honestly?? i love it. it gives me a sense of child-like wonder wandering caverns looking for secrets and tiny tinges of lore and it actually gets surprisingly emotional?? it deals with themes of loss, grief and parenthood. its very goth, very melancholic and very fucking difficult. i highly recommend this! i sunk around 60 hours into it

Omori: this game will be super difficult to really talk about because I don’t wanna spoil anything at all but: its a really beautiful portrayal of dissociation and trauma. like a lot of people, i really resonated with sunny and his struggles with fears, basic ones like drowning or heights of course, but also more innate fears like the fear of growing up and losing friends or the grief that comes with losing your childhood. If you’re in your late teens or early 20′s it’ll probably of remind you of a time you forgot and a time that you’ll never have back. very emotional game.

Fortnite: okay mikey deafpony introduced me and the friendgroup to this and it fucks so hard. i never really thought i was into battle royale’s but this game just makes it fun and interesting all the time. yeah, okay, the updates are annoying but it keeps the game constantly fresh and new. i highly recommend playing with friends! was pleasantly surprised with it.

WATCHING THINGS

I didn’t really watch that many tv shows/movies this year so i just put them into one thing okay??

Isle of Dogs: its wes anderson. i love the humour. its not laugh out loud funny but its quick and fast paced and i loved how dark this movie gets sometimes ?? its just a lotta fun and sometimes emotional. i love the stop motion and all the artwork is super pretty. im also a weeb so like, japan yay but it does also suffer from orientalism which sucks.

Moomin (2019): Previously, I could never really get behind this version of Moomin because I didn’t like the voice actors and I didn’t like the animation. However, its really grown on me. It does take a few episodes to find its feet and some episodes do fall flat but it really does stay true to the original source material. After watching the first 2 and a bit seasons, I’d probably say that it stays closer to ‘true’ moomin than any other tv adaptation to date. I also now prefer the voice actors in this version. chris morris is hilarious as moominpappa and i liked the featuring of richard ayoade, making us one step closer to an IT crowd x moomin cross over episode. some of the episodes are actually really emotional ?? i couldn’t get over that this adaptation nearly made me cry a couple times.

Heartstopper: i love how UK schools are shown in this show because it FEELS very accurate. some of the script feels kinda GCSE drama but like, its the representation that really stood out for me. i really appreciated how they didn't just focus on the cis experiences but also trans ones too. its very cute, i liked it.

The Batman: i liked robert pattinson’s makeup (and i STOLE it) and this movie made me hold onto whatever masculinity i had left cuz lets be honest everyone wanted to be batman if u watched this movie.

OKAY THATS IT !!! THANKS IF U READ ALL OF THIS LOL

[jenoslutie]

I posted 771 times in 2022

That's 670 more posts than 2021!

142 posts created (18%)

629 posts reblogged (82%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wickedangels

@g0thjeno

@haechanitboy

I tagged 368 of my posts in 2022

#jenoslutie - 43 posts

#nabis fic recs! - 41 posts

#jenoslutie asks - 30 posts

#nct smut - 15 posts

#angelwonie <3 - 13 posts

#nct dream smut - 13 posts

#nct - 11 posts

#jeno smut - 10 posts

#jaemin smut - 9 posts

#haechan smut - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 101 characters

#im pretty sure its gonna be jaemin but the member might change depending on how i end up writing this

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

haechan x fem!reader

genre: fluff, crack & slightly suggestive

warnings: none

Haechan thinks you've been spending far too much time on your phone lately. Having made him 5 different playlists and telling him "this reminds me of you!" when they're songs he'd never listen to but he did give them a listen. Only for you though. Thats not where it ends though.

"Hyuck!" You called from the other room.

"Yeah?"

"Go look at my insta story" He sighed playfully before opening up Instagram and clicking on your story. The first few stories were posts that you reposted and then he landed on the one you intended for him to see. It was a picture of the both of you from yesterday. Lips locked in your first winter kiss of the year. Both of your cheeks rosy as you squished his cheeks with your glove clad hands. The picture was posted with the song Melting by Kali Uchis.

"You got some soft lips and some pearly whites I wanna touch them in the dead of night Your smile ignites just like a candlelight"

Haechan took a quick screenshot of the photo before walking into your bedroom where you sat with a sheepish grin on your face.

"Did you like it?" He scoffed playfully before pulling you in for a kiss.

He was sure he was in love with you.

"Oh hey, by the way, do you know what the first verse of that song says?" You gave him a look to show your confusion but shook your head either way.

"When you're around. my insides turn inverted" You still didn't get where he was getting at even after he sang the lyric with his angelic voice which has sang you to sleep on multiple occasions.

"Let's rearrange your insides" He smirked.

Your smile dropped. "Lee Donghyuck!" he shrieked and ran away from you when he saw you pick up a pillow and get ready to attack him with it.

"I'M SORRY!"

519 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

#4

pairing: jeno x reader

warnings: smut, phone sex, use of toys. i think thats it :) lmk if i missed anything!

wc: 575

jenos at work and you're very well aware that you shouldn't bother him. however you're even more aware of the growing ache between your legs.

jeno has been super busy and has had no time at all for you, working late nights and being too tired to do anything when he gets home.

and you have been miserable.

you've never wanted your boyfriend as bad as you do now. so you decide you're definitely bother him at work.

starting off by scrolling through your photos until you find a video jeno had sent you, jerking off on the same bed you were sat on, his low groans sending shivers down your spine, getting you even more worked up. you reached towards your side table and pulled out your dildo that you used for times jeno wasn't home. slipping it between your soaking wet folds, you rubbed it in between your folds a little before sinking down on the toy, the sound of your dripping wet cunt mixed with jenos groans making your thoughts hazy.

following along to your original plan, you grabbed your phone and quickly opened your camera app, setting your phone low enough to capture where your cunt swallows up the clear glass dildo and pressing record. bouncing on the toy like your life depends on it, reaching a hand down to toy with your clit, adding on to the pleasure, your body shaking with no control as you toppled over the edge, moaning out loudly "d-daddy miss you s-so much" your climax hitting you hard, body shuddering while you rode out your climax before you came to a stop, lifting off the toy which was coated with your juices.

knowing what jeno likes best, you lowered yourself onto the bed, so your face was visible in the camera, taking the dildo in your mouth eagerly, sinking down all the way to the base. the sounds of you gagging filling the room. you made sure to make it extra sloppy, just the way he likes.

when the toy was clean of your juices, you ended the video and sent it to your boyfriend straight away.

not long after, the sound of your phone ringing fills the room, you looked at the caller id and it was none other than your boyfriend.

“hey” you greeted but no reply, only heavy breathing could be heard from his side. “babyyyy?” a smirk forming on your lips, knowing exactly what he’s up to. “you knew i was at work y/n”

he’s right. you did.

but what’s the fun in waiting right?

“but i was so needy and i missed you so much” that’s all it took for him to send a video call request. you accepted and were faced with the sight of jeno with his head thrown back and the sounds of low groans. “such a needy little thing fuck you’re so impatient baby, need to fuck you so bad” he was blabbering any and everything that came to his mind. “missed your cock so much daddy, need to feel you” he gasped softly at your words, nearing his high. “i-i’m gonna fuck you so good when i get home, i promise” he groaned loudly before his high came over him, sending waves of pleasure through him, legs shaking and hips jerking up, riding out his high.

“you could’ve told me before you know?” he chuckled to which you shrugged

“i liked this way better”

See the full post

547 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

#3

you've been getting on haechan's nerves all day today.

on purpose, that is.

so there was no questioning why haechan had you bent over his desk, your panties stuffed in your mouth and your arms behind your back in his hold while he thrusted relentlessly into you.

"you're much more tolerable when you're not running that mouth of yours" he spat. your brain not processing anything he said to you because of the way his cock was kissing your cervix. your body going limp in his hold. "such a dumb little thing"

your noises got louder as you got closer to your high, letting your panties fall out of your mouth "s-so close" you whined, moving your hips to match with his thrusts.

"my baby's close hmm?" haechan cooed softly. nodding desperately, you threw your head back, at the edge of your orgasm when haechan pulled out of you suddenly, leaving you desperately clenching around nothing, looking back at him with teary eyes and he laughs at you..

"you thought you deserve to cum after being a fucking brat all day?"

hey guys <33 i been busy so this was a little rushed but hope you'll like it ! feedback is always appreciated <33

also feel free to send me ideas if you'd like !

721 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#2

synopsis: gaming was never really your thing but when you invited jaemin to play some game you found, you realize you're better at games than you thought.

pairing: jaemin x fem reader

genre: smut, fluff kinda

warnings: unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it !), oral (m receiving), choking, they basically mirror everything in a sex game so yeah, lmk if i missed anything.

word count: 801

a/n: my entry for the @neohub level up event! also this didnt come out the way i wanted it to but enjoy nonetheless, feedback is always appreciated

the sound of jaemin’s ringtone rang throughout his room, interrupting what he likes to call his jaemin time (which is basically just him sitting at his computer and editing photos of his friends). looking down at his phone to see who interrupted his jaemin time. a smile quickly replacing his frown when he saw who the culprit was. 

“hey!” his smile grows wider at the sound of your voice. 

“whats up?” you take a hesitate a bit before answering 

“so.. i found this game and i think it’d be fun if we played it together!” jaemin knows gaming isn't your forte nor are you any bit interested in it. that's why he was thrown off when you invited him over to play some new game you found.

arriving at your apartment, he followed you to your computer and he definitely wasnt ready to see you playing some 3D sex game off of some sketchy website.

"look at the game i found!" flopping down at your desk you began clicking the buttons and creating the character of your choice while jaemin stood behind you with raised eyebrows, watching as you enthusiastically created your character.

"done! do you wanna play?" you looked back at him. "sure" jaemin nodded and sat down where you previously sat. clicking the start button, jaw dropping at the sight in front of him, a male POV and a female character kneeled in front of him with some lewd animations of her giving him a sloppy blowjob.

"this is...interesting?" playing around with the characters as his confused expression turned into a smirk, jaemin shifted in his seat, scooting further back from your desk to give his legs more space, unintentionally giving you space to slip under his desk. "what are you doing?" he looked down at you with raised eyebrows. "nothing, do what you're doing"

jaemin did in fact know what you were up to when you began to slide his sweats down until they pooled at his ankles. "no touching" you gave him a small smile before taking him in your mouth eagerly, taking as much of him as you could, trying to mirror the characters in the game. you could hear jaemin softly groaning above you as you began jerking off the rest of his cock that you couldnt take in your mouth until jaemin’s hands found their way onto your head, pushing your head further down on him, groaning at the sight of you trying not to gag around him. 

jaemin's fingers maneuvered from your head to the keyboard, pressing keys until the scene changed to the female character bent over, getting her back blown out by the male POV, pulling you off him, he bent you over your desk, hooking his fingers around the lace of your panties and sliding them down your legs to pool at your ankles. the new angle making it so you were right next to your computer, the game more visible to you now. "baby you're so wet just from sucking me off?" he chuckled softly before aligning his cock to your cunt, sliding in slowly, he was relishing in the sounds of your little gasps, "jaem do it like them please" you whined loudly, tapping your fingers on the screen softly.

jaemin's thrusts already started off relentlessly, rocking your body back and forth with the way his cock was hitting so deep in you. reaching back, you brought his hand that was once resting on your waist, up to wrap lightly around your neck, mirroring the new position on the screen

"s-so close jaem" your moans mixed with jaemins grunts echoed throughout your room. "cum for me baby" he tightened his hands around your neck, adding on to your state of bliss, your vision blurred as your orgasm rippled through you. Jaemin’s hips rutting into you with a merciless rhythm, chasing his high with the determination to make you see stars. 

“s’ too much” jaemin chuckled at your overstimulated state, choking on his words as his hips still, eyebrows furrowed as he gave one last thrust before spilling his cum inside you, painting your walls white. pulling out of you as he sat down on your seat again, pulling your panties back up before his cum could leak out of you. you flopped down onto his lap, both of your panting filling the room as you tried to catch your breath. 

“guess you’re better at games than you thought” your boyfriend huffed out a chuckle. “you’re not that bad yourself,” you giggled. jaemin pressed a kiss to your head before clicking out of the game. 

“maybe we’ll need that for another time” he chuckled, picking you up and bringing you to the bathroom for a shower. 

you smirked at him “we’ll need it for our next play date” 

See the full post

851 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

jeno x fem!reader x haechan

(9:10pm)

“Yeah, you like how he’s fucking you?” Haechan whispered in your ear, his hands flat on your thighs keeping them spread for Jeno who was thrusting relentlessly into you. You could only moan in response, lazily nodding your head. 

Jeno brings a hand down to rub at your clit, his thrusts not slowing for even a second. You squealed, overwhelmed with the feeling, trying to squirm away from Jeno. Haechan scoffs at you. 

"You can take it" He reassures you, caressing your thighs and kneading the skin, keeping your hips pinned down. Jeno breathes out shakily as you squeeze around his tip, letting out a loud groan. If you weren’t already on the edge, you sure were when Haechan leans up and pulls jeno by his hair and kisses him. It's heated, needy, and desperate. 

Unable to hold back anymore, you fall apart on Jeno’s cock, arching your back. Jeno’s thrusts are unfaltering. Haechan pulls away from Jeno to focus on you. The only noises you can manage to let out are weak cries. 

“Jeno no m-more” He could tell you were close again. Paying no regard to your plea, Jeno continued to pound into you. You reached back, gripping onto Haechan’s hair tightly, earning a small groan from him which was enough to send you over the edge once more. Your legs shook around Jeno’s and your eyes rolled to the back of your head. With Jeno’s high just around the corner, you felt his dick twitch. His eyebrows furrowed as he gave one last thrust before spilling his cum inside you. 

Jeno chuckled, pulling out of you and flopping on the side, allowing Haechan to take over. He smirked and laid himself between your thighs, eyes trained on the mixture of yours and Jeno’s cum dripping out of you. Without warning, he dived right into your center, lapping his tongue all around your center, making you squirm away from his tongue, too overstimulated to go again. 

“Don’t run from it now baby”

i wrote this a couple months ago it was just in my drafts lol. 

not proofread <33 enjoy! 

1,617 notes - Posted March 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[watchmegetobsessed]

Drum it out - Harry Styles

a/n: hiya lovelies! im bringin an OC fic this time only because i had a strong vision about the girl and thought it would be best to have her as one instead of Y/N this time, but hope you’ll enjoy it regardless! Remi Devon is a baddie, i like her!

pairing: Harry x OC

summary: Harry is forced to find a new drummer since Sarah is about to become a mom, but no one seems to be good enough to replace her. It is until he meets Remi Devon, the woman who completely takes his breath away from the moment he sees her on stage.

word count: 7k

warning: NSFW content, some slight spanking

masterlist

“Don’t worry, you’ll love her just as much as I do!” Sarah smiles at Harry, giving his arm a gentle squeeze as they make their way into the small but cozy looking bar. Harry is skeptical, mostly because for him, no one compares to Sarah and if it wasn’t for her pregnancy, he would do anything to make her stay in the band. But he is so happy his two friends are starting a family together, it’s only that Harry is now forced to look for a new drummer as it’s getting harder for Sarah to keep up with the hectic lifestyle they’ve been living. Her bump is now pretty obvious and it’s only a matter of time until she can’t sit behind her instrument.

They’ve been trying to find someone to replace her during the second half of her pregnancy and at least the first year after she gives birth, but no one seemed good enough. Truth is, and Harry knew it damn well, that his problem was always the same: they weren’t Sarah.

Now she has dragged him to check someone out, a girl Sarah knows from years ago and who was told to be a mind-blowing drummer, though Harry has doubts about that.

“Sure will,” he hums, not too convinced about it.

The bar was previously a small theater, the seats have been taken out on the ground floor, replaced with tables and stools around the sides and a dance floor in the middle. The gallery is used as a kind of VIP area, this is where the two of them are right now, sitting at a small table in the front corner so they have an amazing sight of the stage where a local band is about to start very soon. Sarah said Remi, the drummer in the talk, is just a jump-in for the night for a friend, but it was a great opportunity for Harry to check her out.

“You know, she beat me at an audition a while ago. This super cool rock band was looking for a drummer for their mini-tour in Canada, because their drummer broke his leg and we both tried for it. There were still some people waiting to audition when she went in and she blew their mind so much, they just ended the audition right there,” Sarah tells him, the story still holds a dear place in her heart. She and Remi used to be close friends, but got a little distant as life took them to different paths. Now they are meeting up every few months when they are in the same city, catching up on everything since they last saw each other, sharing their equally exciting stories.

“Really?” Harry asks with genuine surprise as he takes his beer from the table and glances down at the stage. Everything is set up already and his eyes move to the shiny looking drum set at the back. It’s hard to imagine himself finding someone as good as Sarah, for Harry she has been the etalon ever since they met. But now he is forced to find someone even though he doesn’t want to, not even a bit.

“Yeah. She is the kind of girl that just turns heads wherever she goes without even trying.”

“You think I would get along with her well?” he asks, turning to face her just in time to see the wide smirk on her lips as she nods.

“I think you two would make an epic duo, H.”

“Alright, now I’m interested,” he smiles softly.

“She said they will play a lot of covers.”

“What kind?”

“You’ll see,” she smirks, sipping on her lemonade, a hand going to slide down on her stomach.

The dance floor is not packed, but there are a lot of people, seemingly most of them are here specifically for this band called Striped Shoes, Harry hasn’t heard about them until now but he is always happy to discover new music.

Soon, the lights go down, darkness falling to the theater, the only light is coming from the bars at the back. Then a spotlight turns on and a guy is standing in the middle of it, cheers erupting from the people as he starts playing the guitar and Harry immediately recognizes the song: Smells like teen spirit by Nirvana. Just a few riffs later all the other spotlights come on, each of them illuminating a member of the band and Harry’s eyes flick to the drum set where the only female on the stage is sitting, he catches her the moment she starts playing, the vibrant energy lingering around her almost knocks him off the stool even from this far away. Her hair barely reaches her shoulders, it falls to frame her heart shaped face in soft waves, the roots are a darker color than the rest that’s an odd shade of mahogany, but it suits her perfectly, Harry thinks. She has a few tattoos littered across her arms but not a full sleeve on any of them. They are on full display in the shirt that’s sleeves were seemingly ripped off, the fabric is raw on her shoulders. It seems to be some kind of old band shirt but Harry doesn’t recognize the logo on the front. Her legs are wrapped in ripped jeans and Harry is immediately mesmerized by how steadily she keeps the rhythm while absolutely nailing the song.

She makes it look so easy yet fascinating, her head snaps back a few times, a satisfied grin stretching across her lips as she enjoys the music, clearly a fan on it. She doesn’t miss a beat and flows into the next song that’s an original from the band as if the two songs were the same while she had to switch up the rhythm entirely through the transition.

Harry feels starstruck, watching this woman take the whole show, in his opinion, while simply sitting behind the drum set, playing like no one he has ever seen. She puts all of herself into it and that’s why she manages to outshine everyone else. Harry knows how hard it is for a drummer to get the same kind of attention as other members, but Remi makes it seem like it’s the natural, like drummers are the front people without a doubt.

When the cover version of Rock and Roll by Led Zeppelin comes on, in a way more hard rock version, Harry almost fears the stage is about to catch on fire. The song already has amazing drums in it, but the band gave it even more attention, giving a chance for Remi to show how amazing she really is.

“So? What do you think?” Sarah shouts over the music and Harry suddenly realizes he is not alone. He managed to zone out on the drummer without even noticing.

“She is… amazing,” he admits truthfully, in complete awe of what he is witnessing. This is music. This is passion. This is exactly what Harry always looks for in musicians and Remi has a whole lot of it.

They push the short drum solo a little longer at the end and Harry watches as Remi finishes the song standing, playing so hard that with the last hit, one of her sticks simply snaps into two, flying across the stage as she is breathing hard, skin glimmering from the sweat, her hair a complete mess from all the head shaking she’s been doing, but Harry thinks that it’s the hottest thing he has ever seen in his life.

Sarah knows she finally found her replacement, judging from Harry’s look she knows he is a sucker for Remi so she just lets him enjoy the rest of the concert.

When they play their last song and they all gather at the front of the stage to bow in front of the audience, Harry finds himself standing as he is applauding the band, but especially Remi who doesn’t even know Harry Styles is now a fan of hers.

“Let’s talk to her, shall we?” Sarah suggests once they disappear from the stage. Harry nods, finishing up his beer before the two of them head backstage.

Sarah has been put on the list since she previously let Remi know she would be coming. She was ecstatic to see her old friend, however was not told that Sarah would be coming with someone else so when Remi spots the two of them walking down the small hallway at the backstage, she is surprised but not shocked. She knows Sarah has been working with him for a long time now, but she wasn’t expecting him to be here tonight.

“Hey! There you are, mama!” Remi jokes with a heartfelt chuckle as she hugs her old friend. “Already looking like a milf!” she teases, earning an eye-roll from Sarah.

“Rems, I want you to meet Harry. Harry, this is Remi Devon.”

Remi’s eyes meet Harry’s piercing green ones and for a moment, Harry feels his stomach drop. She is even more breathtaking up close, in her simple but very fitting outfit, hair pushed back from her face carelessly she is easily the first woman ever to make Harry nervous to the point where he is having a hard time to even talk.

Remi holds out a hand for him smiling warmly and he luckily takes control over his actions and shakes it before it could get awkward.

“Nice to meet you, Harry. Heard a lot about you,” she chuckles softly.

“Hope you believed only the best,” he nods with a shy smile.

“Oh, of course,” she winks and Harry swears he felt his heart skipping a beat.

“We actually have something to talk to you about, Rems. Do you have some time for us?” Sarah asks.

“Yeah, just let me wash my face and I’ll be right back. There’s a small green room on the left, feel free to wait there,” she nods and disappears a moment later.

Sarah and Harry move into the room as Remi told them to and just a few minutes later she storms inside, a new shirt hugging her torso, a simple black one, but it’s tight unlike the one she wore for the concert. She sits into the armchair while Sarah and Harry have taken the small sofa.

“Alright, I’m all yours,” she smiles at them crossing her legs. Harry knows he should be the one to bid the offer, but it seems like he is not finding his words just yet. But Sarah is quick to talk when she realizes Harry is at a loss of words.

“I brought Harry today because I wanted him to see you play. We are currently looking for someone to take my place shortly,” she explains, placing a hand to her bump. “I know you’ve been freelancing lately so I thought you’d be interested in working with the band and of course Harry.”

“Oh!” She seems genuinely surprised at the offer. “So this was kind of my audition in secret?” she chuckles.

“You could say that,” Sarah smiles.

“And how did I do?” she asks, eyes meeting Harry’s gaze that hasn’t left her face since she arrived.

“You… definitely passed. The best I’ve seen so far,” he tells her and the smile on her face is worth everything for him. 

“So what does this mean exactly?” This time Harry answers, finally finding his voice.

“If you are not too busy in the upcoming time, I would love to have you as my drummer,” he states, handing her the offer on a silver plate, basically.

It’s an offer most musicians dream of, so Harry thinks she’ll accept it right away, but of course, Remi is not like others. 

“I’ll be needing some more details before I give you my answer though,” she smiles.

And that, she gets. A few days after the concert Remi meets up with the rest of the band and Jeff to talk about all the details. She clearly wants to know what she is jumping into and Harry respects that. At the end she accepts the offer and as Harry watches her sign the paperworks, a huge wave of satisfaction and excitement washes over him. 

***

The public imagines Harry as the picture perfect human being who is always at his best, never making any mistakes, but that’s far from the real truth. He is as flawed as anyone else, it’s just that not many get the chance to see him in this state.

His bandmates are among the few privileged ones that are bound to see all his ups and downs as well and since Remi is part of them now too, she has witnessed his bad days since they have started working together.

Harry’s growl is heard in the microphone when he is supposed to be singing and the music soon comes to a halt. It’s probably the tenth time he is messing up the exact same part because his head is just not at the right place. He knows he should be at the top of his game, not wasting his colleagues’ precious time, but he just can’t bring himself away from the heavy thoughts that’s been occupying his mind lately. There are days when he is as free as a bird, not a worry in the world, but sometimes everything comes down at once and he feels like crumbling under the weight of his own career.

“Sorry guys,” he apologizes into the microphone, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he closes his eyes for a few seconds to collect himself. The silence in the auditorium where they are currently rehearsing for tour is harsh, everyone is tired and they can feel the nerves creeping up on them about the upcoming tour and making sure that everything is perfectly in place for the first show.

Remi looks around from behind her drum set, holding her sticks in one hand and she doesn’t like what she is seeing. A group that’s always so happy and carefree is now just a big ball of stress, this is not right. 

“Guys, why don’t you all wrap it up for today, I’ll stay here with Harry and help him get it right,” she offers.

“How do you want to practice without everyone else?” Mitch asks, not at all in an offending way, more like out of curiosity.

“I’ll find a way,” she smiles softly and he doesn’t push it further. 

As the rest of the band is packing up, leaving slowly, saying their goodbyes Harry is sitting on the floor next to one of the speakers, head hanging low, deep in his thoughts. Adam is the last one to leave the place and once it’s just the two of them, she stands up from behind her set and walks over to the desperate man.

“Get up,” she orders, not in a bossy manner, more of a ‘do what I asked, I’m trying to help’ way so Harry obeys. Standing up he towers above her, almost a full head taller than Remi, but still, sometimes she can make him feel so small.

Harry has noticed that her energy is making her push the air out of his lungs sometimes, just the way she stands, looks, moves around a room, it’s making her appear like the ruler of everyone around her. He has often found himself just staring at her from afar since she has joined the band and even though she has caught him ogling her a few times, he just still can’t bring himself to stop admiring her. He definitely has a fat crush on the new addition to the team, however now his feelings are pushed aside, their place taken by his anxiety and worries.

She takes his hands and pulls him to the middle of the stage, putting the microphone stand to the side so they have some space cleared out around them. She then turns to face him, a warm smile tugging on her lips while he is rather curious about what she has on her mind.

“Scream,” she simply tells him, his eyebrows immediately knitting together in confusion.

“Wha’?” 

“Scream,” she repeats, but he is still lost about the situation. She chuckles a little before taking a few steps away from him, twirling around her heels before stopping facing the area where the audience is supposed to be during a concert. “Whenever I feel like I’m locked, like everything around me is so suffocating that I can’t even function normally, I take a minute and just let it all out,” she explains before taking a deep breath and hunching over, the most eardrum-breaking scream bursts out of her, making Harry jump a little.

She holds it long, until her throat is cracking up and she runs out of her breath, then the scream dies and she takes a deep breath, filling up her lungs again. Harry stands there, completely stunned, thinking that if anyone heard her now, they are surely convinced she is being tortured here. 

When she turns back to face him again, she is smiling as if nothing just happened, like it’s the most natural thing to randomly scream from the top of her lungs on a casual Wednesday night.

“Now it’s your turn,” she tells him, but Harry doesn’t feel like it’s gonna be his thing at all. But he still turns to the side, clears his throat and lets out a not too forceful shout that’s quite saddening compared to her scream. “Oh, come on, I’m sure you can do better, Styles,” she chuckles, hands on her hips as she tilts her head to the side.

“Is this really necessary?” he questions, eyebrows still furrowed at her.

“Very much. Now come on, do it!”

“Remi, I--”

He doesn’t have the chance to finish, because she screams at him, knocking the air out of him once again, making him flinch at her sudden action.

“Scream!” she then snaps at him.

“I don--”

“Scream!” she repeats forcefully and Harry gives up. Taking a deep breath he lets his voice out in a hoarse scream that’s way more vibrant than his last attempt. “Yes! Again!” she grins nodding and he does it again.

And then again and again, until he feels like his chest is completely empty, like nothing is keeping a tight grip on his insides anymore. He is panting, mind racing as he realizes how much better he is feeling now, meaning that Remi’s technique worked.

“How are you feeling?” she asks, smirking, her arms folded on her chest.

“Fucking awesome,” he chuckles out of breath, running his hands through his messy hair. 

“Great. You think you can handle going through the song now without messing up?”

“I… think?”

“Alright, grab your guitar and I’ll give you the beat.”

She moves back behind her set as Harry grabs a guitar, throwing the strap over his head, turning to face Remi behind him as he places the microphone stand in front of him.

“I’ll go softer on the beats, you just do your thing okay?” she tells him and he just nods, fingers already on his guitar.

Kiwi sounds a whole lot different with just the drums playing weakly and only one guitar playing, but it’s not what matters. Harry finally manages to go through the song without messing anything up.

When the song ends and the music is replaced by silence, Harry can’t help the grin stretching across his face.

“I fucking needed that,” he sighs, his head falling back for a moment as the last bits of euphoria settles in his body.

“Want to go over something else?” she asks, turning back and forth to the sides on her stool, playing with the sticks, twirling them between her fingers easily.

“You sure don’t want to go home like the others?”

“Let’s see what choices I have. I can go home and watch an entire season of Love Island on my own, eating leftovers from two days ago or I can stay here, play music with a hot dude. I think I’m fine with the second option.”

Harry’s eyebrows shoot up at how simply she just called him a hot dude, his heart fluttering in his chest again like the first time he saw her play, only difference is that now her eyes are piercing on him and it’s just the two of them in an empty room. He is already having thoughts that should probably be pushed down.

“Did you just call your boss hot?” he teases her then.

“I don’t think you’re my boss,” she scoffs. “You need me here more than I need to be here, so I think I’m the one having the higher ground,” she points out and Harry knows she is so damn right. “Besides, I know you find me hot as well.”

He is quick to blush at her words, but that doesn’t stop him from questioning her.

“What makes you think that?”

“I see you staring, Harry. I’m not oblivious or naive. I know you like checking my butt out every time I’m fixing my set leaning down,” she chuckles and now he is certain his ears are a deep shade of red, he was caught more often than he thought, it seems like. “Also…” she smirks slyly. “If you think you hid your hard-on cleverly the other day when I played my solo, you are wrong.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Harry mumbles, cursing himself for being such a horny teenager around her, but he can’t help it. The woman is the epitome of everything Harry finds so fucking attractive, it’s like she was made for his imagination specifically. “This, um, this is a little awkward, but I’m sorry--” “Oh, don’t be,” she chuckles. “I’m just lucky I’m a woman and my arousal can’t be seen that easily,” she comments and Harry almost chokes on his own breath.

Did she just admit she has been turned on by him before? When? What did she think about? What was it that made her turned on? Harry needs answers, however he is not given the chance to get them.

“Alright, you can choose two more songs we’ll go over and then we are off,” she simply says, as if they weren’t just talking about being horny a moment ago.

“Uh, maybe Only Angel and, um, Lights Up?” he prompts, trying his best to regain his composure. 

“Cool. Let’s do them.” And with that, she switched back to work mode without batting an eye.

***

It feels like the crowd will never stop screaming. It just keeps going and going, people are probably losing their voice, but the screaming just continues as Harry stands at the front of the stage, his adrenaline jumping to the sky, eyes roaming around the full arena. He throws a few more kisses, placing his hands to his chest one last time before turning around and heading off the stage, his eyes meeting Remi.

She is not wearing her usual clothes, instead, she is now sporting a pair of high-waisted dress pants in a lavender color, a white top tucked into it, her matching blazer thrown to the floor, she probably got hot the moment she started playing. Her tattoos are on full display and she looks just as sweaty as Harry feels. But still, for him she is a sight he would love to look at for the rest of his life.

Their eyes meet and she smirks at him, eyes glimmering from the high she experienced through the concert, it’s a feeling they all share every time they perform together and it’s clearly like a drug neither of them wants to come clear of.

“Good job, Rockstar,” he reads her lips saying and he laughs, winking at her.

Ever since their one-on-one rehearsal, things have felt to change between them. It’s like a barricade that’s been lying between them has come down and they are feeling much more free around each other. Secret glances, touches and flirty comments are their usual and they don’t care that the people around them are starting to catch on it as well. They love the game they are playing and neither of them plans on stopping it.

Harry stops at her drum set, holding out a hand to help her up and walk her off the stage, knowing well she doesn’t feel the most comfortable in her stage clothes and feels a little too restricted by the end of the concerts, but she understands that her style does not go well with the look they are going for. 

She snatches her blazer from the floor and gladly takes Harry’s helping hand as he walks her off the stage, her Gucci boots feeling a little too tight at the moment.

“One of these days I’m gonna rip these pants off,” she jokes, pulling on the tight waistband of them.

“Just make sure I’m around when it happens, Darling,” Harry teases, making her laugh as they walk backstage, everyone congratulating them and the band following behind on their way.

“Oh, you’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

“Very much,” he admits without shame, the blushing long gone from his cheeks and ears. The buildup has changed his nervousness around her lately and he is enjoying the teasing and flirting all too much. 

The whole team agrees that tonight’s show was exceptionally good and that it deserves some celebratory drinks. A few blocks away from the hotel where everyone is staying there’s a cozy looking bar and the rather loud lot occupies half the place as they flow in and start ordering their endless rounds of drinks. 

Harry is sitting at one of the tables they have taken up, going strong with his third beer of the night, half zoned out of the conversation with the small group he is sitting in. His eyes are fixated on Remi’s figure who is standing at the bar with Charlotte, unlike every other female around she is not sipping on some kind of fancy drink or a cocktail, she went straight for the crafted beers the place had to offer. She has changed her stage clothes, wearing her usual tight black jeans and a sheer top with a simple black sports bra underneath it. Harry can’t stop his eyes from raking down her body, taking in every curve, tattoo and tiny detail about her and he thinks that there is not one thing on her he doesn’t find attractive. 

Her eyes find him, a playful smirk playing on her lips Harry has been thinking way too much about lately, and she cocks an eyebrow at him in a way that yells at him: Like what you see, Rockstar?

As an answer, he just simply shrugs with a growing smirk until she turns back to Charlotte, who is still talking to her, she hasn’t even noticed that Remi was focusing somewhere else for a moment. Remi laughs at something her bandmate said and Harry wishes he could be closer to hear her voice, he has grown quite a liking to her laughter, he has been trying to crack as many jokes lately as he can just to hear it.

He takes his eyes off her just for a second when someone at the table asks him something. He mumbles his reply and reaches for his beer as his gaze shifts back to her figure, only to find that Charlotte is not gone and a not so friendly looking guy is behind her, clearly trying to chat her up.

The dude is standing way too close to her for Harry’s liking, leaning in to talk to her, but she keeps backing away, however he does not care about that. She is clearly not enjoying the exchange and when the guy reaches up to her face Harry is quick to jump to his feet, ready to go to her rescue. But it’s not needed.

Just as he takes one step towards the scene near him, he witnesses as Remi grabs the bloke’s hand before he could touch her face and with a strong and quick move, she twists his arm behind him, keeping the guy on his toes as he is trying to escape her deadly grip on his wrist, his hand pushing into the middle of his back.

Harry’s mouth hangs open as he watches Remi tell something to the guy in a not too friendly manner before letting him go and the man flees before Harry could blink twice.

“That was impressive,” Harry tells her, walking up to her at the bar. Remi just shrugs, gulping down the rest of her beer. 

“I know some tricks.”

“How come?”

“Grew up with three older brothers, had to learn how to defend myself when they decided to attack me out of nowhere.”

“Three brothers? That must ‘ave been wild,” he huffs impressed.

“I surely didn’t have a girly childhood, I’ve always been kind of a tomboy,” she shrugs again. As a teenager, she often wished she would be like the girls in her class, but later on she realized how big of an advantage it is that she speaks the boys’ language so easily.

“I think it just made you… badass,” Harry smirks, leaning against the bar counter.

“Is that what I am?”she arches an eyebrow cockily. 

“Definitely. A handful, but the good kind.”

“Oh, just be careful, Rockstar. I might think you are trying to get into my pants,” she chuckles and as Harry hears her laugh he can’t stop himself from taking it further. She is too intoxicating.

“And what if I am?”

Remi doesn’t seem surprised at his comment, not even a bit. She is clearly enjoying the flirting once again, but when she answers, he surely is the one who is surprised.

“Then I gotta say you are working way too slow. I’m losing my patience.”

His eyebrows rise, lips parted as he stares back at her, the words that left her lips pushing the air out of his lungs once again, he is done for her. Utterly and completely. He wants to say and do a million things, but then settles on just one simple question.

“Want to get back to the hotel then?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” she smirks and simply heads towards the door without another word spoken. Harry is quick to grab his stuff from the table and catch up with her at the exit. 

The crispy night air feels a little sobering as they both step out of the bar, heading to the nearby hotel with rushed steps, keeping their silence but they both are grinning madly. When their eyes meet they can’t push down the laughter and Harry grabs her hand before he starts running, pulling her after himself.

By the time they reach the hotel they are both out of breath, adrenaline running high once again as what’s been building up between them since the first time they saw each other is finally about to bloom fully.

Remi pushes the button for the elevator and as it moves down painfully slowly Harry’s hands find her hips, pulling her back against his chest. His lips tease the soft skin on her neck, peppering kisses everywhere he reaches while his fingers dig into her skin under her sheer top. She leans against him, head falling back to his shoulder and she pushes her bum against his crotch, a whiny moan escaping his lips that makes her smile in satisfaction. 

“Fuck, Remi,” he breathes out, eager to finally have her all to himself and make all his fantasies come to life. The elevator finally dings and as the door slides open Remi turns in his arms abruptly and grabbing onto the collar of his shirt she simply pulls him inside, hand snapping on the button of his floor and just as the door slowly slides closed and they start moving up, her lips finally crash against his.

They are kissing hard, eager to take as much from each other as they can, they are both greedy, wanting the other all to themselves, the heat of the moment lighting up the small elevator. His fingers rake through her hair, grabbing a handful of it in each of them while one of her hands slide down his upper body until it stops on the obviously growing bulge in his pants. Harry moans shamelessly when she gives his erection a teasing squeeze and she smirks against his lips, satisfied with how easily he reacts to her touches. 

Harry melts into her, wanting to devour every bit of this moment with her, he is seeing stars when she takes his lower lip between her teeth and tugs on it. A hand flies down to her ass and he squeezes it hard without shying about how much he is enjoying touching her.

The elevator reaches their floor and once again he grabs her wrist and starts pulling her down the hallway towards his room. Her lips are glued to his neck when he is trying to get his keycard from his back pocket and open the door, but when he finally succeeds, they basically fall into the room, tangled into each other and the door snaps closed behind them. 

He is quick to push her against the door, lips attacking her neck, nipping and sucking on her skin until he is sure a mark is left on her. 

“Off with it,” she pants, her hands tugging on his shirt and they work with all four of their hands to unbutton his shirt until it flies across the room. Remi pushes on him, hands spread across his hot chest as they get farther inside the room. The bump into some furniture on their way, lips glued together again until they finally reach the bed and fall right onto the perfectly made sheets. They are both showing dominance so it’s a constant fight for the lead between them, rolling around until at last Remi ends up on top, strangling his lap. She straightens up and grabs the hem of her shirt, getting rid of it fast before she does the same with her sports bra, baring her upper body completely to Harry’s greedy eyes.

“Fuck,” he breathes out, pushing himself up until he wraps his arms around her, mouth meeting her chest, littering her heated skin with sloppy kisses until his lips reach one of her nipples.

“Yes!” she moans as he starts playing with it, his hands coming to cup her breasts, massaging them continuously before his mouth moves over to her other nipple, giving it the same attention. 

Harry uses her momentary weakness and turns them over, his crotch coming in contact with her center as he pushes his hips between her legs forcefully. He kisses down her stomach before he leans back and works fast on the buttons of her jeans. The tight material hugs her legs stubbornly, but he is eager to get rid of them and he soon succeeds, leaving her in just a lacy black thong. He undoes his own pants in a heartbeat, pulling them off and throwing them to the side before he gets on top of her again, kissing her lips so hungrily as if it hasn’t been just a few moments since he kissed her last. 

She whimpers under his touch when he moves a hand between her thighs, running his fingers along her clothed folds, her arousal already soaking the fabric. He doesn’t hesitate to slip his hand into her underwear, her juices wetting his wandering fingers and he teases her hole and clit playfully.

“You better not fucking tease me, I don’t like that,” she pants, her dark eyes meeting hers and he can see the threat behind her words, she is not joking.

“Then what do you like?” he breathes out, eager to please her so much, she’ll forget about everyone else she has ever slept with.

She doesn’t answer, instead, a devious smile tugs on her swollen lips as she pushes him off until she is able to move. Harry is now kneeling on the bed and watches as Remi pushes her ass up into the air, back arching perfectly, her thong looking so delicious on her round butt and when she pushes herself back so her behind meets her throbbing dick in his briefs he could cry from the sensation. His hands immediately grab onto her asscheeks, pulling her even harder against himself.

“Smack it,” she breathes out, glancing over her shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Do it,” she nods and Harry doesn’t need more encouragement, he lifts a hand up and smacks her ass so it leaves a little redness after it. Remi moans erotically, enjoying herself fully and seeing how much it turns her on, he smacks the other cheek as well.

“You are gonna be the death of me,” he whines and pushing down his briefs his erection finally springs free, he grabs it with one hand, stroking himself a few times while his other hand is keeping a tight grip of her ass.

Remi wants to see him naked, so she quickly pushes herself up to her knees and turning around her eyes fall on Harry stroking himself. Hunger fills her eyes as she launches forward, lips meeting his while her hands simply take the place of his on his length, doing the job for him.

“I’m on birth control. When were you last tested?” she mumbles against his lips before leaning back so she can get rid of her thong and Harry does the same with his underwear.

“Three weeks ago, haven’t been with anyone since and I’m clean,” he mumbles in a rush.

“I’m clean too. You can ditch the condom if you want to.” “I wanna feel you,” he pleads desperately as she lies back on the bed and he gets on top of her again.

“All yours,” she smirks, spreading her legs wide for him, the sight in front of him is easily beating any art he has ever seen, he thinks. 

He positions himself to her entrance, but doesn’t push into her just yet, leaning down so his lips brush against her ear as he whispers into it.

“Let’s see if you feel just as amazing as I imagined.” And with that, he pushes into her with one swift movement, stretching her all the way until his whole length disappears inside her.

“Fuck, Harry!” she cries out, back arching at the sensation. He sucks on her neck once again as he starts moving in and out, fitting inside her so perfectly, he is convinced she was crafted just for him. 

He is going fast and hard, their pants and moans completely filling the hotel room and they can only hope they can’t be heard by anyone right now. She circles her legs around his hips, the angle he is reaching making her toes curl behind his back.

“You feel so fucking good,” he chokes out, face contorting into a blissful frown as he is getting closer to his orgasm with each thrust.

“I want to be on top,” she gasps, already pushing on and this time Harry doesn’t hesitate to obey. He rolls to his back, pulling her with him so now she is on top. Her hands come to rest on his stomach as she starts riding her, circling and lifting her hips so perfectly, so breathtakingly that Harry could cum just from the sight of her bouncing on him, but the feeling is making it a mind blowing experience. His fingers dig into her hips as she is starting to move faster and faster, before Harry starts bucking his hips up to meet her rhythm as well, going so deep into her, he is having a hard time deciding where she ends and where he starts. They are completely merged together in one hot mess. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum!” she screams gasping, her head falling back as she doesn’t fall out of her rhythm, still being such a drummer even in the bed, dictating the beat. 

Harry pushes himself up into a sitting position, wrapping his arms around her so he can push her naked chest against his, their sweaty skins sliding against each other relentlessly, creating friction.

“Scream my name when you cum,” he orders, his lips finding hers once again, but it’s a messy kiss, their teeth are clanking, noses are bumping together as they are both nearing their high.

“Harry, oh fuck!” she exclaims and with her next movement he can feel her clench around him.

“Louder!” he growls on the edge of his own orgasm.

“Harry! Harry!” she screams shamelessly, throwing him over the edge, a guttural moan bursting from him as they both fall out of the rhythm, satisfaction washing over them in waves.

“Oh shit!” she breathes out, lips against his as she keeps him close with her hands on the base of his neck. 

“Fucking Hell, Remi. I think I almost had a heart attack,” he breathes out with a soft chuckle making her laugh as well. She pulls him into another kiss, but it’s way slower now, the hunger and greed taken by their pleasure, now it’s time for something softer.

When they fall back to the bed, arms and legs tangled as they are still trying to stay close to each other, Remi looks up at him with a tired smile.

“So, was it like you imagined?” she asks and he chuckles softly.

“A thousand times better. But now we have a problem on our hands.”

“And what would that be?”

“Now I’m hooked. I won’t be able to stop thinking about you, not that it hasn’t been the situation since the start.”

Remi chuckles shortly, pushing herself up enough so she can look comfortable at his flushed out face. 

“Well, it’s a good thing we are kind of locked together for months.”

“I’m one lucky man, aren’t I?” he smirks, so full of himself before he pulls her back down, kissing her like they have all the time in the world on their hands.

[janeyseymour]

I saw the second preview of six and here are my thoughts (along with a few fun stories at the end):

My heart literally fell out of my ass when the queens started walking out They changed a few small little things here and there and it was perfect If six doesn’t win best lighting at the Tony’s I will sue Ex-wives was WOW I literally could not stop smiling Some of the poses were different 

ADRIANNA FREAKING NAILED NO WAY

I am convinced she just is beyonce always

She’s just fantastic in that role and that’s what I have to say about that

Ig abby danced a little too hard during no way because she kept messing with her wig after

Actually she lowkey played with it throughout the whole show and it was adorbs

Britt was helping her fix it and like pointing out where it was a little cray (also abby’s wig looks so good omf)

ANDREA IS- WOAH DURING DLYH

Her delivery throughout the whole show was a bit more mature, but it was still so babey I love her

(On a side note someone today told me I look like Andrea, which is very kind but so untrue because I literally look like a broken thumb and she is gorgeous)

Her “IM NOT SORRY” was amAZING

She like low-key cut made the whole head joke short and im kinda sad ab it, but it was still fantastique

Through the “Wearing Yellow To A Funeral Bit” abby looked confused through the entire thing and I was cracking up

HEART OF STONE HOLY SHIT

She was INCREDIBLE and her dress was so pretty and sparkly and I just wow 

Shes just so pretty in general like ma’am how do you do that please drop the skin care routine 

The emotion that was conveyed was enough to make me tear up BUT I DID NOT CRY AND I AM VERY PROUD OF THAT 

she did the “you lift me high” line and kinda went into this airy place in her voice and it was angelic and heavenly and all the good things

HER RIFFS WERE JUST DFJDHJLFH

She was just fantastic and thats all I have to say 

Thats a lie I have so many things to say about that woman but the time will come

HOH was a whole acid trip there was a point during this song where I literally just took it all in and then thought “Janey, you really spent your hard earned money to go on an acid trip for a solid few minutes good job”

Their dancing is hilarious and thats that

ABBY SAYING “BUT WE CANNOT GUARANTEE THAT YOU’LL STILL WALK AT FORTY” I had to stifle a laugh because my queen is indeed 40

THE GERMAN ACCENTS HAD ME QUAKING

Brittney Mack is… all bad bitch energy and I was living for it

She is a queen

When she did the “my horses can trot up to twelve miles an hour”- in the boot (not that I watch those…) abby is always making a 😳😶😲 kind of face and this time she just couldn’t stop smiling and it made me laugh

WOOF

Her reveal was SO GOOD she literally just started checking out her nails while everyone just applauded… AS THEY SHOULD

When britt told the person to get up, this person full on WENT and britt was like shook it was hysterical

THE INTERLUDE BETWEEN GET DOWN AND THEN KAT’S ROAST WAS ICONIQUE

i dont think it was here but I cant remember where it was but BRITT WAS PLAYING WITH ABBY’S WIG AND IT WAS REALLY CUTE SHE WAS LIKE PLAYING WITH THE ENDS OF IT AND AWH

justice for the beheaded cousins 

BOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO BABY MARY HAD THE CHICKEN POX AND YOU DIDN’T GET TO HOLD HER HAND… YOU KNOW ITS FUNNY BECAUSE WHEN I WANTED TO HOLD MY NEWBORN SON…. IIIIII DIIIIIIEDD. Abby lowkey went feral and I loved every second of it and then her pose after got so many laughs it was truly amazing

THE K HOWARD ROAST WAS JUST SO GOOD IT WAS SO GOOD

Aywd destroyed me

I also teared up here but I did not let those babies fall because I was not about to ruin my look

justice for my pink queen

Her delivery is insane and honestly its gotten better and I didn’t even know that was possible because WOW SHE WAS ALREADY STUNNING BUT DAMN MY HEART GOT RIPPED OUT OF MY CHEST

The whole “Catherine not singing” bit was fantastic

Abby looked so confused the entire time 

Andrea’s “hahaha what” was perfecto 

when Anna said “should we really be doing this” someone in the audience went “yes” very loudly and made the queens break for a solid second abby almost forgot to say her line and you could barely hear it because the audience was laughing at the rando 

Anna acknowledged it and just went “I know” before turning to the queens and saying “I know” it was hysterical 

“I’m Catherine parr, I draw the line in arbitrary places bLaH bLaH bLaH”

THE CLAPPING- BRITT GOT IN HER FACE AND JUST *CLAP. CLAP. CLAP.”  It was the funniest thing oh my gosh

“Are you sure Catherine? I-we don’t mind if you wanna sit this one out… I mean you must be exhausted from all those backing vocals”

IDNYL WAS INSANE AND ANNA UZELE IS WICKED TALENTED LIKE DANG

I dont know if this was intentional or not but when they all start to understand the purpose of parr’s thing- abby is the last to stand up and in my head im like “no yeah that makes sense because shes “the one he truly loved” and shes still trying to get to a point where shes realizing he wasn’t all that great and I dont know I just really like that minor detail

The whole “remember that I was a writer…” part got loud cheers, especially from abby it was very cute

She did a new riff on the “we all disappear” line and WOW my eyes went so wide it was so good I was genuinely shook

the “i dont get it” was sooo good

“My sixth finger” was said so casually and so determinedly that it was a whole new joke and I loved it

“Everyone notices Jane cant dance” -abby just looking so sad

“Yeeeaaaahhhhh. I read!” Was so cute and she sounded so proud of herself it was adorbs

The way they just stood there awkwardly was amazing and got so many laughs it was so good

When sam said the line about competing, abby really almost cut Anna’s line out but she caught herself and it was funny I dont know if anyone else noticed it, but I did and it was glorious

REMIX

“Rise abo-o-o-o-ove” WAS BEAUTIFUL THEY WERE IN SUCH GOOD HARMONY

AGAIN, ANNA’S RIFFS HOW DOES THAT WOMAN DO THAT AT THE END OF THE SHOW LIKE SHIT

After it was over, of course it got long applause and the entire time abby was doing her like “sparkle hands” but also awkwardly moving her arm kinda like a noodle and then going back to sparkle hands and it gave me a good chuckle

Six

The slow acoustic part was so soft I died

The harmonies was delicious

The audience was so hype

Megasix

Super hype

Amazing

Fantastic

All the good things ever

Basically it was just adorable and amazing and absolutely stunning

The new costumes are gorgeous and the lighting is wild if they don’t win best lighting for Tony awards I will full on riot

Aragon and Boleyn interacted a lot and so did Seymour and Cleves and it was very very sweet

Abby interacted with the band a lot to the point where she almost missed a cue and it was very endearing

AND THEN THEY DID THE CURTAIN UP THING AND FIRST OF ALL WOW THEY ARE ALL SO CUTE AND IT WAS SO SWEET SEEING THE WAY THEY ALL WATCHED EACH OTHER WHILE THEY WERE SINGING AND I JUST JDKFDJLA

abby’s hair is SO LONG but I am here for it

So I was looking for my friend when I hear “Make some room, make a path!” From a security guard, and the queens legit walked RIGHT PAST ME

I wanted to go to the theatre anyway to take pictures, but when I saw them, I did follow them back to the theatre because wow I wanted to bask in their glory I didnt even want to talk to them I just wanted to be in their presence

So im like, walking behind them when this happens:

I guess abby saw someone she knew because I heard this “abby!” And then she was like “OH MY GOD” and like RAN to hug them and i legit almost walked right into her/got stepped on but i freaking stopped like a noob i should’ve just let her run me over but I did not I just stopped in my tracks and let out a soft “aH” and then went around her

And then I got to meet a friend and apparently toby heard us squealing and watched us hug for a solid however long so that was awkward

And Julia schade was like talking to him and stared at us for a good amount of time

And then I was walking away and passed Julia again and she kept looking at me, but she was talking to someone else and I think she thought I was going to stay to talk to her (and I would have loved to) but I didnt I just gave her a smile, a nod, and a little wave because I can not do confrontation like if I could not confront abby ma’am I cannot confront u either I am SHY

And that is a very detailed run down of my time in nyc at the brooks

[jeontaehui]

 TAEHEE WITH SUPERM

baekhyun baekhee

there was this tension at the start. you wouldn’t notice it at first glance but when you really pay attention to how the both of them act around each other ,,, you’ll just wonder how they are off-cam.

taehee mentioned during wgu era baekhyun was one of her role models when it came to the entertainment industry ,, so some fans wondered maybe there was still this senior-junior relationship between them while the rest were getting close with her.

but baekhyun hates awkward. luckily, they were roommates when they came to the states for their debut. 

he figured he could get closer to taehee by making her laugh a lot, and he succeeded !!! it was easy since they basically shared the same humor.

he also took her out to eat when they came back to korea ,, discovered her love for playing video games and that they had a lot more in common

taehee enjoys playing hard to get when it comes to baekhyun.

(superm midterm exam ep. 1) “but you said i was your role model!!!” “when it came to being funny, yes...?” “W H A T !!!!”

as much as possible, baekhyun wants taehee to show off or be given attention to. whether that came to lines on the script or bragging about what she can do, not only does he do this as a leader but as someone who wants to show that taehee is as capable as them.

(200913 vlive) taehee comes up to the camera and nervously laughs, “yah, how do i do this?!” she turns around to face the rest of the boys who have challenged her into doing taemin’s killing part in the ‘criminal’ mv. “just do it like you would usually do!” baekhyun encourages cheerfully. “don’t act shy! you know you can do it.”

iconic moment (mtopia ep. 11-2) "whoever competes with baekhyun hyung is likely to lose,” kai says, watching as the eldest prep himself for the game. hearing this, taehee instantly shot up from her seat and moved to the red square opposite of baekhyun. though determined, she lets out a casual remark, “i’ll fight him,” and the others laugh. 

ever since the first game of the night, baekhyun and taehee teased each other back and forth, trying to get the other off their game. the scoreboard between the two of them was currently 2:1, with taehee having won the paper cup game and the team game with mark and the others. baekhyun glances to the side nervously, until an idea pops in his head. 

he lights up her candle shortly and hands it to her, “here.” taehee accepts the candle without protest as she sat down, until kai says, “he gave you the weaker candle.” her head snaps up to see baekhyun dead set on making his flame stronger than hers, his fierce expression making all of them crack up. “oppa!” taehee complains but she laughs. “yah, baekhyun hyung, that’s unfair!” taeyong backs the maknae up, well aware of the feeling of losing quickly to their leader. “jeon taehee, you better win this,” taeyong tells her, his tone was laced with seriousness yet his pout said otherwise. “avenge me,” and taehee gives him a salute and a wink in return. 

not sooner than later, their match begins. their hot battle keeping the members on their toes, they too were aware of their rivalry from earlier. “jeon taehee, let’s go!” mark cheers. although taehee could barely see with the water getting in her eyes and hair, she moved her candle in all directions in defense to her opponent’s shooting (at this point, taehee figured baekhyun was just trying to shoot at her face but she’s not complaining... that much). with a sharp aim, taehee was able to distinguish baekhyun’s candle in just less than a minute. 

“i think water went into my nose,” taehee giggles as she lowers her candle down, removing any excess water from her eyes once her other hand was free. meanwhile baekhyun looked shell-shocked, taemin and the others laughing more at the result. “hyung, you looked like you won!” kai teases him further. “i won,” baekhyun jokingly seethes, “I WON!”

taehee laughs, “알았어, loser.” the team breaks off into a louder fit while baekhyun smiles in disbelief. taehee sure was different. 

song falling by trevor daniel

taemin 2tae

despite both of them being the most quiet during the first meeting, the both of them got closer the quickest !!!!

first day they were like ‘hi hello annyeong’. next day, they’re sharing recipes, having inside jokes, mini-handshake (courtesy of taehee), play-fighting, making funny faces at each other whenever they make eye contact during dance practices ....

dance prodigies !!! amazing, talented, remarkable dance prodigies !!! aces at everything !!!! their stage presence !!!!

(superm reveal which member has the best hair and who is the funniest of the group | billboard) “these two,” taeyong gestures to taehee and to taemin, “how do i say this? they look immoral on stage.” the others chuckle at his bluntness, “i think that would be the best term for it.”

taehee finds taemin very cute and would willingly watch his aegyo.

(’one’ dance practice behind) “hyung, you are honestly so cute,” taehee centers the camera to taemin, “times like these, i wish you were my younger brother.” he laughs. 

meanwhile, taemin finds himself laughing at taehee’s antics most of the time (totally didn’t expect the chaotic energy coming from this one).

taehee always manages to find her place next to taemin somehow, and when taemin turns to find out she was beside him this whole time, he’d smile at her and pat the top of her head. 

taemin became one of taehee’s comfort people !!!! from having a senior-junior relationship to being one of taehee’s most trusted friends, they grew really close after time and related well with each other.

iconic moment (’one’ dance practice behind) “woah, oppa you look really pretty from this angle,” taehee tilts the camera to the sides until taemin starts doing aegyo, causing laughter to bubble from the girl. “hey! hyung, why are you seriously so cute?”

taemin recalls the other day he and taehee hung out together, and he sits up straight before telling the story. “you know what taehee did the other day?” his lips break into a wide smile, his tone piquing interest from ten and mark. “what did she say?” mark said. 

“she said, ‘hyung, it think it would be nice if you were my dongsaeng.’ and i haven’t said anything yet and she said, ‘yaja time? start. taeminnie, what do you want to do?’”

mark and ten burst out laughing, taehee feigns ignorance. “what? when was that? i don’t remember that.”

taemin chuckles, “taehee is really so precious.”

song it’s tricky by run d.m.c

kai kaihee

kai was a bit awkward with taehee too at first.

he was very cautious around her, even if it was just standing close to her during photoshoots.

kai, keeping his distance: “is this okay?”

director: “closer!!!!”

kai: fuck

but now he teases the hell out of her you’d probably mistake them for being friends for a long time.

(superm on knowing bros) “baekhyun hyung? baekhyun . hyung???? you seriously find him the most attractive out of all of us?????” “BEAUTY IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER!!!!!!” “YOU NEED TO GET YOUR EYES CHECKED THEN”

he makes fun of her accent (jokingly ofc) but also loves it.

“how do you say ‘귤’ in english?” “tangerine” “ahh you are so cute !!!!!!”

also teases her by wrapping his arm around her shoulders and proceeding to shake her aggressively.

before superm, kai already found taehee super cool .... he was probably intimidated by her.

when kai is not teasing taehee, they’re both teasing mark.

in the end, there is an i-will-tease-the-heck-out-of-you-until-your-ears-turn-red kai and a im-her-father-no-one-touch-her kai

iconic moment (mtopia ep. 11-1) “i feel like taehee would get this though,” baekhyun says and the others agree with him, taehee’s agile. they all watch as she puts her hands on each side of the toaster, preparing herself by biting on thin air. “okay, i’ll start now!”

using her left thumb, she pushed the press handle down and released. but instead of catching the piece of bread, she caught her tongue in between her teeth. she immediately pulled back and brought her hands to her mouth, walking away the pain as the members pointed out she wasn’t able to succeed. kai was the first to notice her, “what’s wrong, taehee?”

“i bit my tongue and it hurts so much,” she winces. kai cackles, “바보! taehee!”

“it was an accident!” she exclaims. “i know but you don’t put your tongue out like that!”

taehee grumbles at kai’s remark as she sat beside him. the latter pulls her close by the shoulder and ruffles her hair, laughing as she poked her cheek. “you want to eat bread?” kai smiles at her, already reaching out for the plate of extras. 

“i’m gonna eat bread.”

song mambo no. 5 (a little bit of ....) by lou bega

taeyong yonghee

taehee’s all up for the ‘taeyong babie’ agenda since it’s so cute to see the older members tease and baby taeyong.

knowing that baekhyun likes to poke the fun out of these two, taeyong and taehee would team up against him.

(superm mtopia ep. 1) “taehee, let’s make baekhyun hyung out,” taeyong tells her, taehee mirroring the determined look on his face. “we got this.”

taeyong hypes taehee up like a stage dad or something lol he’d go like, “WOOOO!!! THAT’S MY BABY,” and taehee would find herself smiling before resuming to whatever she was doing. 

taehee had to stop herself from clowning taeyong when they went surfing for mtopia and instead gave him tips and all. of course, she tries to bite her lip from laughing while doing so.

(mtopia ep. 3) taehee goes to sit beside a nervous taeyong on the dock as he waits for his turn. chuckling, she says, “hyung, just pace yourself, alright? don’t rush—“ but then kai cuts her off, also noticing the scared look on the rapper’s expression, “you won’t die anyways.” taehee whips her head back to glare at kai, though it was clear she was trying to hold in her laughs. “HEY!”

iconic moment (mtopia ep. 2) taehee was the first to pick out of the eight of them. whether she’ll start shedding tears or not, her fate relies on the fifth sushi she had chosen, hoping that it wasn’t the one with wasabi. “it’s the one. she lost it,” baekhyun says as he tries to throw taehee off guard. “it’s not,” she replies, though her eyes said otherwise.

once she grabs the piece of sushi in between her chopsticks, she takes a tentative glance towards the staff and keeps her eyes on them as she took it in whole. taehee knew she was doomed on the first chew, the spiciness of the paste burns her tongue and brings tears to her face. she laughs dryly as a few tears slipped down her face and sniffs, “i never knew wasabi was this spicy.” the boys behind her laugh at the crack in her voice, the staff handing her a tissue as she staggered back to her place beside taeyong who immediately wrapped his arms around her to comfort her. “taehee can’t handle spicy foods well,” taeyong chuckles, “are you okay?”

“yeah, my mouth just feels like it’s burning!,” taehee exclaims, her wild gestures adding humor to her expression. taeyong lets out a hearty laugh as he gave her water, “have this.” he watches her down the water in one go, though there were still tears in her eyes, “taehee, you are too cute. i’m serious.” taehee laughs as she wiped her eyes, and they continue with the game. 

song train wreck by james arthur

ten tnt

they are literal geniuses !!!! but... they have their moments.

(200930 live) “he’s the main character in ‘aladdin’, right?,” and with knowing smiles, the others nod at ten’s question. clueless, ten decides to ask more, “what was his name? a whole new world~” and baekhyun and mark tell him he’s right, but ten has literally no clue. chuckling at his cuteness, taehee speaks up, “hyung! he’s the main character in ‘aladdin’! aladdin!” mark and kai laugh loudly at her hint, she was already giving him an answer. kai notices that, like ten, taehee hadn’t got her question correct yet with all the obvious hints they were giving her, and so he laughs harder. “taehee! don’t act like you’ve got you’re question correct!,” the said girl shrugs exaggeratedly, bringing her hands up in the air as if to question the heavens. “you told me he was powerful! so is he like a superhero or something? thor?,” she exclaims, and the others began laughing at her guess, the maknae unaware of the large ‘LEE SOOMAN’ on her cap. “who is it?!”

their banter that goes back and forth are one of the things that make the members’ stomachs hurt from laughing. 

(superm: ready to fly in la) “the three maknaes are my babies,” ten tells the camera, tilting his head to look taehee into the eye before continuing, “but then you’d be my least favorite.”

taehee knows that ten secretly has her as the favorite loves her too, so she always makes it a point to call him cute or something to throw him off guard. 

iconic moment (superm as we wish ep. 1) it was very obvious how taehee felt about ten’s drama. she tried to hold back her smiles but ten was just too cute, it made her heart run in circles. when his drama ended, the boys praised ten’s performance, but baekhyun noticed how much taehee liked it. he calls her out,  “taehee-ssi, you seem to like this very much.” 

a surprised ‘really?’ comes from ten while taehee spoke. “ten oppa just looked so.... natural while doing it,” taehee says, her words and expressions assuring ten he really did a great job. “my heart is doing flips right now?”

the boys laughed, “did you fall for him?” and before taehee got to answer their leader’s question, ten said, “i’ll date you based on your performance.”

“i didn’t even say yes!”

song positions by ariana grande

lucas luhee

lucas took one look at him, mark, and taehee and just went, “you know if someone took a look at us, they’d think taehee was the oldest.” (taehee had punched him on the shoulder while mark hit the table, laughing)

but then he clarified that it was just because taehee had this motherly aura around her and that she takes care of him and mark really well. 

from then on, lucas would accidentally call taehee ‘noona’; sometimes, he would call her that intentionally when asking for the snacks that were kept in her bag, or teasing her.

(superm as we wish ep. 2) “unnie,” they hear taehee say from the monitor. while the boys accompanied each other in different work environments, taehee went alone to a little café to try out the experience herself. she found herself well acquainted with one of the staff members that had showed her around, and she found herself asking, “how old are you?” the boys erupted into choruses of ‘ooh’s’ when they heard her, baekhyun jokingly asking if she was there to find a date. taehee shakes her head shyly, but she busts out laughing when lucas shouts, “NOONA, FIGHTING!”

we see more of taehee being a baby with lucas in superm :(

he’d give her piggyback rides or ask her if she’s eaten yet, and if she says no, lucas would be like, “come on, man! the last time i saw you eat was breakfast but you only ate a sandwich. wait for me here, i’ll get you a plate.”

iconic moment (mtopia ep. 11-2) as mark and kai shoot each other’s candles out with their water guns, taehee leans into lucas’ side as she laughs with her head buried into his shoulder. it was an endearing sight to see them comparing hand sizes, both of their eyes widening at the size difference. “you’re hand is so small!,” lucas says. “well, duh. your hand is like the size of my face!”

song rather be by clean bandit (ft. jess glynne)

mark markhee

taehee knows so well that superm mark lee is a different breed

(the story of ‘jopping’) “you look so handsome these days,” taehee said to mark as she took in his appearance, causing the latter to become shy and flustered, “really?”

but mark caught onto it this year and ‘complained’ that taehee had favoritism .... to superm mark

“you’re cute in 127 and dream!!!! you’re different here, what’s wrong with that?”

taehee LOVED ‘talk about’. she posted a video of her jamming to it in her manager’s car on twitter.

in mtopia, taehee literally took a glance at mark’s quiz in the first episode and said, “ahh you should get this one the first try, it’s easy.” cue a pouty mark

during games, mark knows taehee in and out so it comes off as an advantage to him and a disadvantage to her. 

(mtopia ep. 6) “it’s taehee. taehee is the liar.”

mark and taehee are roommates most of the time and their nightly routines just consist of putting face masks on each other and listening to music while waiting!

iconic moment (mtopia ep. 11-2) “sleepover!!!!,” taehee says excitedly as she sat on the bed with mark. she had just finished brushing her teeth while mark brought out facemasks from his bag. “you wanna put them on each other?,” mark asks, tearing one of the packets open already. 

he turns his head to his right and giggles. taehee had her bangs tied up in a short ponytail, her eyebrows arched in a cheery smile. “you look like 뚱이!,” mark laughs, “dude, seriously. you’re so cute.”

“whatever, just put it on,” taehee rolls her eyes playfully as she hit mark’s shoulder. she closes her eyes but hears mark chuckle again. opening only her left eye, she says, “what’s wrong?”

“you’re really cute,” mark repeats, both of taehee’s eyes now wide open at his compliment. she goes to say something but chooses against it, closing her eyes back again when mark begins putting the mask on her face. 

song until the last falling star by matthew perryman jones

[wehatejulietsimms]

A/N: i'm gonna respond to this in sections bc it's quite long so bare with me.

Howdy y’all, 🤠 again. Yes, I didn’t in fact die. I’m sorry though that I kept getting sidetracked and couldn’t submit this until now, my boss decided to keep dumping her work into my lap. So I just wanna preface this by stating that I’m going to try and say what I want to as coherent as possible, but I have pretty severe ADHD so I’m not always as easy to understand as I think I am in my head, and I often go off on tangents, over explain things and circle back to topics randomly without realizing. Im basically going to go over their relationship over the years as I said previously (I’m not gonna go into detail about every single scandal and shitty thing Juliet did over the years, because we’d be here all year. so I figure I won’t cover them here, but rather let people ask specific questions if they want to. Remember, I was present for pretty much everything so feel free to ask.😊), but I’m also going to do kind of a mini deep dive into Andy’s behavior and actions (because although the snakes will hit you with every excuse in the book, and tell you that you’re looking too far into things and that it doesn’t matter, it does. The way a person acts in general and towards people around them is very relevant when talking about someone’s health, happiness, and well-being.) To start off, let’s take it all the way back to the time before Juliet’s reign of terror, when Andy and Scout were still together. In all honesty from what I saw of them together (and I saw pretty much everything they posted, I’m only a year younger than Andy, and I was quite into him when he was on MySpace and such, and I always watched anything with him and Scout together because they were fucking adorable lol) they had a really healthy relationship. Not once did I get weird vibes from them. The way Andy acted toward and with Scout, you could tell they really loved each other and were happy together. They had nothing to prove. It just was normal. (For any of you who are younger, or didn’t come into the picture until Andy was already post-scout and would like to see some videos of them together, you could generally search on YouTube for it, but also there’s a specific channel on there called like bring the milk tea or something that has videos of old Andy blogs and also Andy and scout on stickam and such. Worth a look if you’re curious) They weren’t constantly all over each other like possessive pack dogs *ahem Juliet ahem* and whenever Andy mentioned scout he didn’t need to shower her in compliments. They both seemed very secure in both themselves and the relationship. Super cute. Initially when they broke up it seemed quite odd. I didn’t really expect it. It got even weirder when he states that he and Juliet are together. It didn’t feel like they fit together at all (and no I’m not talking about from a fame or success perspective. At least not yet lol) As I’ve said I got bad vibes from Juliet right from the get go. Andy already seemed to be acting not like himself. (Also snakeys have argued that it’s just that he’s more mature now and that’s why he acts nervous and constantly looks Ike he wants to die. 🙄 maturity doesn’t mean losing your fucking personality and being unhappy most of the time. Jesus Christ.) it seemed like they got possessive of each other and constantly needed to show people how in love they were. Pictures, videos, and fucking public love paragraphs to show they are, in fact, in a super real relationship and they love each other. It also felt like Andy’s family was in on this whole weird charade.They (Chris honestly) started to defend her degenerate behavior and attack anyone who had even a whisper of negative things to say about her or their relationship. It was like watching a group of awkward, pretty mediocre actors put on a play about them being together. (I’ve hit the text limit now, but there will be more that I will write just after I submit this one though, fear not haha. N, you can either post this now or wait until I submit the rest, it’s up to you.) 1 / ? -🤠

A/N: i was here for a lot of it as well so i do remember some of this. although i did join the fandom shortly after him and juliet got together (i joined like around the time she was on the voice) i literally remember hoping that him and scout would get back together bc juliet just rubbed me the wrong way and i didn't know why at the time. & side note i actually do recommend people go look at old videos of andy and scout they were really adorable. there is this one video of them singing (i think a carrie underwood song lol) in the car and it's really cute. but yeah just bc he's older doesn't mean his whole entire personality changes. you can be any age and act however you want. i could even use jenna marbles & julien solomita (a youtube couple) as an example, they've been together for i think like 8 or 9 years and are about the same age as A&J (julien being around andy's age & jenna around juliet's age) & although they can have mature adult conversations and all of that, they still act like idiots and joke around together. neither of them look uncomfortable or are afraid of saying certain things like andy is around juliet. so andy aging doesn't mean shit in regards to his personality doing a 180.

🤠okay, so part two here we go. (Also I apologize if I get the chronological order of anything I talk about incorrect, I’m a bit scattered sometimes and the next ask I make will be the one where I talk about the domestic abuse and I tend to get quite heated, which only makes my brain function worse lol) so the point at which Andy was trying to get fans to go vote for/ support Juliet when she was on the voice seemed really fishy. I’m all for supporting the work of the people you love, but it’s kinda strange how hard Andy was pushing this at the time. Too hard in my opinion. I’m obviously aware that it was helpful in the end and he more or less got what he was asking for. But it was like he absolutely needed people to vote for her. As if he would get in trouble if they didn’t. So around 2012 or 2013 it felt like things really went down the shitter from there and just got progressively worse. (I never knew why for the longest time, but after they revealed that Vegas wedding that happened in about that time frame, it made a lot of sense.) Andy’s behavior began to change towards his fans. There are a lot of accounts of this happening from fans themselves and a lot of people said that 1. It was worse with Juliet around, and 2. a lot of the time it would happen towards females especially. ( I think more towards the “pretty” fans but don’t count me on that, I don’t know for sure.) This was completely night and day. Especially coming from the same man who used to always defend his fans and once stated something along the lines of he would never have a crazy or awkward fan story because he loves and is grateful for all of his fans and he won’t get upset if they’re just really excited. I would understand if these fans crossed the line in some way (like the later incident of fans finding his address and harassing them, which is unacceptable no matter who the people are) but from most if not all of the fan stories I’ve heard, they didn’t. They were being respectful and didn’t do anything to warrant this happening to them besides showing up. Which brings me to my next point, a lot of these negative experiences were caused by Juliet. Either she was the one being mean to people, she was causing Andy to be mean to people on her behalf, or her presence was upsetting Andy to the point that he was angry and started being rude and irritable. What scares me the most are the accounts of Andy having a whole Jekyll and Hyde thing, depending on weather or not Juliet was present. Happy when he’s free of her and miserable when he isn’t. In videos of him where Juliet is behind the camera he always seems nervous and strange. Like he’s afraid to mess up. That’s fucking alarming to say the least. You would think that the last thing one would want to do if another person brings them this much anger, stress, and anxiety, the LAST thing they would want to do is fucking marry them. Right? He literally started barely smiling at one point and really doesn’t anymore. I mean for Christ’s sake look at his wedding photos. What’s suppose to be one of the happiest moments of your life and to quote another anon with a different ask, he looks like he’s being dragged to the gallows. (And I get really fucking Angry honestly when snakeys tries to pass it off as “oh he’s awkward he doesn’t know how to smile” or “omg he’s being dramatic for the aesthetics” in some pictures, yes. But why the fuck would you look like that in pictures with the “love of your life” who you now regularly write cringy paragraphs publicly professing your love and complete adoration for? Andy knows how to smile genuinely. Ffs he used to. He smiled genuinely when he was a kid, he smiled genuinely with scout, and he smiled genuinely when Juliet wasn’t around. He doesn’t smile when she is there, and if he does, it is pretty much always visibly fake.) So I may backtrack a little later, but right now I want to talk about the fact that Juliet IS an abuser. More specifically, the plane incident. (Word limit. TBC.) 2 / ? -🤠

A/N: yes. 100%. when it comes to the wedding photos i will never understand people (specifically snakeys) writing off his behavior as him "just being dramatic for the aesthetics". is that something he would do in photoshoots? yeah. is it something he may do on stage? sure. something he would do in an interview? maybe. but candid shots of him on one of the "happiest days of his life"? wtf no. & idk why people think that.

🤠 Just before I start, again, with the pictures, I really don’t think that Andy is enough of a self absorbed egotistical dick that he would actually sit there and put on the whole “miserable tough guy” act in every fucking photo he takes. Ah yes, the infamous plane incident. So straight up, Juliet exposed herself as an abuser, and brought out every bullshit excuse in the book (and made Andy go along with them) to try to cover it up. 1. She was drunk. Honestly this is total bullshit. I say this same thing when people defend cheating or any other degenerate behavior with the excuse of intoxication and I will say it now. Being drunk does not make you a different fucking person. It does not change the thoughts in your head. What it does do is impair your ability to make decisions and judgement skills in general. It’s the same reason why people drive drunk. It’s routine. Its what they would normally do. And because they’re drunk, they can’t see any reason why they shouldn’t do that. Juliet gets drunk, she and Andy fight, she wants to hit him, and because she’s drunk she doesn’t think that she shouldn’t fucking put her hands on him. 2. She hit him in “self defense” and he broke her ribs.(There’s several points I have debunking this) first of all let’s get this out of the way, no one on that plane (including the very real witness who just so happened to be an adult film actress (I think?) who you so love to discount because of it) saw him strike her or even touch her at any time. Two, you are in fucking airplane seats sitting right the fuck next to each other with an armrest in between. It would be pretty fucking hard to break your ribs unless they were made of actual glass, or Andy’s real name is Bruce fucking banner. Bones are surprisingly strong and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that it’d be damn near impossible for him to do that to you, which brings me to three, if he had broken your ribs you would not be fucking standing up, thrashing around, whining like a little bitch, and oh by the way, continuing to abuse your husband for the second time on that flight. Four, you had a miscarriage. (When I was trying to conceive with my husband it was very difficult. I had two miscarriages before I finally had my son. I’m fully aware of how devastating having one is.) which is why if you are not lying (which I fully believe that Juliet would stoop that low just to get sympathy, especially with this big of a scandal. But I don’t actually have proof of this so I will say that it is just speculation on my part) I don’t fucking care. I am not unsympathetic to her if this did actually happen as I said, however, You do not get to make any excuse for putting your hands on another person out of anger. Ever. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what kind of stress you are under, I don’t care if you are inebriated in any way and I sure as hell don’t care what the fuck you have between your legs. You do not hurt anyone. Point blank period. Five. You are a woman, you can’t hurt him. This one, actually enrages me. We all know your crusty ass pulled this one out (and threw around trump supporters a few times for good measure) because you know damn well how society and the media views and deals with abusive women. Women can abuse. Women who are shorter or weaker than their target can abuse. The fact that there are people who either don’t know that or don’t agree with that is absolutely baffling. Six. The same (I believe) porn actress. Literally saw you beating your own face with the restraints you had to be put in (which by the way flight attendants only ever use restraints as an absolute last resort when someone becomes a danger to the others on board, so she had to be acting absolutely deranged) to give yourself a bloody nose to claim Andy hit you. Then you proceed to act like a child and tell Andy to call your fucking dad. (Which kinda proves that whole Scientology thing honestly) what in the hell. I stg as long as I am breathing I will never let this go. This is actual fucking domestic abuse. (Word limit TBC.) 3 / ? -🤠

A/N: yeah her hitting him "bc she was drunk" was never a good excuse not only for the reasons you mentioned but, also bc let's be real at no point are you ever going to get served enough alcohol on a plane to make you that drunk i don't care what anyone says. also when it comes to the excuse of him "breaking her ribs" does she forget that andy actually did break his ribs a while ago? i think she even visited him when he was recovering so she should know what kind of pain he was in. & if he actually broke her ribs, there's no way she would have even been able to stand bc i know andy sure wasn't able to. he said it was one of the most painful things he's experienced. (i don't think i need to comment on the rest of this. it would just be redundant. you hit the nail on the head with that.)

🤠 I don’t care if it happened just that one time ore more likely is an everyday occurrence. Abuse is abuse and should never be tolerated. Kind of getting away from the plane thing. Andy always seems, as it’s been said on here before, afraid to mess up. Like he might mess up, and make her mad. A common behavioral pattern in abuse victims. He also at this point and for a decent amount of time before, doesn’t seem like he loves her anymore. Like he keeps up appearances and pretends, but it’s like it’s a job he’s forced to do. He’s tired and burnt out but was probably manipulated into staying and juliet is probably clinging for dear life. Also I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks this, but I swear, the veganism and sobering up was just a cover up, most likely formed by either Juliet herself or her fucked up family, after the plane incident to hide their tracks and regain some public favor (because you know, if you advocate for animal rights then you can’t abuse your husband 🙃) Andy never gave a shit before though. Even though it was unhealthy he loved to drink and smoke and was very outspoken about that. And he used to never give a fuck about eating meat or consuming animal products like leather. I mean they’re still selling leather goods ffs. I would get having minor fuck ups because you don’t know any better, but it’s fucking leather. And now Andy is unhealthy and miserable as ever, but the culprit is malnourishment and Juliet rather than cigs, alcohol, and Juliet. My final thoughts: I do definitely believe in the Scientology theory, but if not that than I definitely believe that Andy was and is being manipulated for his fame. On several occasions it really looked like they broke up, including the time when they did, and then said it was a joke. It really doesn’t feel normal. Also, Juliet doesn’t really care about Andy that much. She never wears her wedding ring, she sells all their shit, including sentimental items, and now that she’s gained more popularity from being with him, suddenly doesn’t want to put him in her bio or write him the same creepy ass paragraphs or anything. It’s fucked up how shes so keen to say she did it all herself when really she’s been riding dick for fame since before she even met Andy. It also always kinda seemed to me that Amy was kind of uncomfortable around Juliet. We all know that Chris loves to kiss her ass night and day (most likely to do with the Scientology thing “if” it’s true), but Juliet and Amy always seemed to have a weird relationship like it was tense and forced. Also I just want to mention the time that Juliet talked about screaming at the woman over what I believe was a game night and brushed it off as being competitive and no one gave damn. Fucked up. To finish off this already way too long little series, I think Andy is a very vulnerable insecure person who got manipulated by several people (not just Juliet) some of whom he probably really trusted, and they helped to get him in Juliet’s (equally if not more insecure) hands so she could hurt him as she pleases. I truly hope that even now both he, and his parents (even though Chris really grinds my gears) can get out of this whole shit show, relatively unscathed. I know this is probably pretty unlikely, but hope springs eternal I guess. As I said feel free to ask any questions you may have and I will try to answer them best I can. Thank you for reading. 4 / 4 -🤠

A/N: yet again you hit the nail on the head with this part so i don't need to comment too much. other than the fact that i do agree that juliet and amy's relationship does seem weird.

[tmnt-mags]

Raphael x Fem!Reader

Reader is April's little sister and meets the turtles through her. I changed the ages and timeline a bit just because I don't feel entirely comfortable writing the turtles as 15 year old kids. SO the turtles are 18 the reader is 17 nearing 18 and april is 27.

Warnings: some mention of parent death, but nothing else!

Part 1/ ??

Im still pretty new at writing fanfic and have only done a few and this is my very first tmnt one. Constructive criticism and nice things only please!

I didn't remember my dad. My mother gave birth to me a month before his death. I didn’t remember him but my big sister April did. She told me everything she could about him, all kinds of stories and old home videos. It's almost like I know him but I don’t. Sometimes it's sad and I wish for nothing more than to have some memories with him, but I’ve had a good life and have a great family. I’ve lived with my sister since our mom passed 2 years ago from cancer. I miss her a lot, but I like living with April and I love our apartment.

We both have a deep love for media. She is a reporter with Channel 6 and I started making youtube videos right around the time mom died. It was like a video diary back then and has since turned into something completely different, though there are the occasional personal diary type videos.

I was wearing my favorite oversized sweater. It was a deep forest green and nearly reached my knees. It was worn and a bit tattered in some places, but it was the coziest thing ever.. I was barefoot in the kitchen listening to April talking about the latest Foot Clan activity and thinking about the questions she was planning for some guy who worked on the docks. She had convinced her camera guy Vern to take her over there before they shot her morning segment.

“You’re gonna be late!” I called into the living room while putting some breakfastt in a container for her to take on the road.

“Thank you shorty,” She rushed in and gave me a kiss on the cheek as she grabbed her breakfast and rushed out of the kitchen again to grab her bag “I’ll either be back for dinner or late!”

“That's really specific April,” I mutter as a lean in the kitchen doorway and watch her check her purse. “Do you have your touchup bag and your toothbrush?”

April let out a small gasp and rushed back to the bathroom. She came back out with a bag, gathered her things and blew a kiss as she ran out the door. I let out a laugh and went to eat my own food.

I spent the day editing a new video. I just hit 700k last week so I was making a special video to celebrate. It had some songs that I had covered laid over a video of me painting a portrait of my mother and father. It was taken a year before he had died and they had gone on a weekend getaway in the Appalachian mountains.

I didn't look up until April burst through the door. It was already dark out and I hadn’t even noticed.

“I just witnessed a Foot Clan attack!” she called as she walked through the apartment.

“What? Oh my god! Are you okay?” I practically jumped up and followed her as she began pacing around the living room. “April? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine! There I was at the docks trying to get some answers and then BAM! They were there!” She went on about the attack and then started about some kind of vigilante that fought them off.

“Vigilante? Are you serious?” She didn't answer, she just went into her room. I sat back down on the couch and tried to process what she had said. In the end I shook it off and went get some dinner ready.

Over the next few days April was hard to find. She seemed to be constantly on the move and didn't answer her phone. She came home talking about dad's old experiments and giant turtles, and over the next 2 days seemed to just be gone. The spire on the Sacks building fell and The Shredder, who was the leader of the Foot Clan, was arrested and Eric Sacks was revealed to have been working alongside him the whole time. It was a wild time for New York, and April was suddenly quiet about the vigilantes.

Time began to move on and April started talking about these 4 new friends she had that were brothers. They seemed like a fun nice group, and the stories she shared were great.

“So,” I started as we sat together on the couch, “when do I get to meet the brothers?”

April choked on her glass of white wine. “What? Meet them?”

“Yeah, You talk about them all the time! I would like to meet them. They’re all you’ve been talking about for like 3 weeks.” I said as I pushed her with my foot.

“Ummm,” April stopped to think and had a vague look of concern on her face, “I'm not sure actually. They’re pretty busy guys.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Uh-huh. If you don't want me to meet them just say so. I was just curious.” I turn my face away from her.

“No it's not that, It's just they’re kinda shy. They don’t really like meeting people.” April's face said that she was telling a lie.

“Okay.” I left it at that clearly something is bugging her about me meeting her friends.

April-

April went to spend some time with the boys, but couldn’t stop thinking about them meeting her little sister. How would she react? She thought to herself, ‘I fainted when I met them, and there are still times when it kinda freaks me out a bit. I don’t want my baby sister to get scared and I don’t want the boys to get hurt because of it.’ They had tried to act like April’s reaction didn’t hurt them, but she knew it did. ‘I just want everyone to be happy.’ She was sitting in the lair watching the boys fight and Mikey brought up their Christmas pop album again. She smiled, (y/n) loved music and often performed covers on YouTube. She was really good at it. She had even written her own songs but at this point refused to release or talk about them on her channel.

“April, is something troubling you?” The brunette turned, surprised to see Master Splinter.

“Oh it’s nothing really.” She paused, “Actually could we talk? I am having some trouble.” Splinter nodded and gestured for her to follow. Not answering the questioning looks of the brothers, they went into Hashi.

“The boys avoid this room as much as possible,” Splinter said with a chuckle, “they will not listen in in here.”

“Makes sense,” April laughed and sat down on a mat with Splinter while looking at the odd structures in the room, “I’m having some trouble with my sister.”

“Oh yes, little (y/n) she had only just been born. I believe your father brought her down to the lab twice in those last weeks.” He thought back fondly on the small soft baby that looked so tiny in the arms of her father but so big compared to him then. “ what is it that is wrong?”

“She wants to meet the brothers. She doesn’t know that they are turtles, but she knows I have new friends.” April said looking down, “ we are very open. We’re the only family we have left so we always know each other's friends. It’s a safety thing I guess.”

Master Splinter hummed and looked at April, who continued.

“She wants to meet them and honestly I want her to too! I think they would all get along so well and I think the boys would adore her. It would also be nice to know that there are 4 ninjas who would look out for her.” April sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

“I just don’t want the boys to get hurt. What if she is afraid of them? What if she screams and calls them monsters or freaks? What if she passes out or cries. It would hurt them so much, and I don’t want to see my sister frightened anyway.” April’s shoulders slumped and she lowered her face to look across at Splinter.

“You know your sister well? Do you think she will react this way?” The rat questioned.

“I don’t know. This isn’t exactly a situation that has ever come up before or one I ever thought I would be in.” She played with her fingers in her lap and she watched him stroke his beard.

“I think you know your sister well and know what would be the best course of action.” He smiled, “I think the trouble now will be convincing the boys to risk meeting her. I have no doubt that it will be a split crowd.”

April nodded and gave a kind of exasperated smile. She knew exactly what he was talking about. Mikey and Ralph would agree, Donnie was iffy, but Leo would say no.

“Thank you Splinter. That does actually help. Do you mind if I stay in here a bit longer?” She asked.

“Go ahead child. Take your time.” Splinter got up and left the Hashi.

April sat and thought about what he had said. She thought back to everything she knew about her sister and what she knew of the boys. If her sister could be accepting she knew that they could have a great friendship. The boys were half a year older than her and they didn't know anyone their age. It would be nice for them to have that she thought. She knew Mikey would be super friendly right away, maybe even too friendly. Donnie would be polite but wary at first and a bit excited. Raph would be happy just to meet another person, but Leo would be cold. She feared that he would be distant and unapproachable and she knew her sister well enough to know she wouldn't be able to handle that.

She took her time and eventually rejoined the brothers. She brushed off their questions with a simple: “I needed advice.” She sat down with them as they all talked and joked around. Finally Donnie brought up the perfect opportunity.

“April you're lucky you don't have brothers.” He said as Mikey bombarded him with insane ideas for gadgets.

“Well I don't have any brothers but I do have a baby sister.” The turtles all turned towards her clearly shocked by this news. “She's actually about 4 months from turning 18.”

“Woah Angelcakes, We didn't know you had a lil’ sis. Is she as beautiful as you?” Mikey said while batting his eyes at her.

“I think she is absolutely gorgeous, and she sings and does art. She’s about to be a senior in high school.” April said while leaning closer to mikey. “Shes shorter than me and has curves for days. She used to be on the dance team actually.” April laughed and Mikey threw himself back and fanned himself with his hand.

“Why haven't you mentioned her?” Leo asked.

“You never asked if I had any siblings. She was born a few weeks before my dad died.” April smiled sadly at that “She actually asked if she could meet you.”

The boys seemed to freeze at that, and suddenly all eyes were on her.

“You told about us?”. Raph asked.

“Kinda. I might have left out the part about being ninja turtles, but I told her about my new friends and she wants to meet you guys.” Raph scoffed at her answer.

“So you didn't actually tell her about us.” He almost snapped at her.

“Cool it Raph.” leo warned.

“I don't wanna be looked at like a freak. She won't want to meet us when she sees us.” he stood up and walked off. April looked at the others who all looked like they wanted to disagree and agree with Raph at the same time.

“Sorry angelcakes, I'm sure baby angelcakes is great though.” Mikey shrugged.

April sat in disbelief that they all basically said no. The lair was quiet after that and she left after they ate some dinner.

She got home only to remember her sister was spending the night at her friends house. So she had the place all to herself. She let out a sigh and poured herself a tall glass of wine and sat on the couch thinking about the events of the day. She came up with a plan as she finished her cup and decided that by the end of the week they boys will have met her baby sister. She grabbed her phone and invited the boys to come hang out at her place for once this upcoming weekend. They didn't even ask if her sister would be there.

(Y/N)-

April had gone out to pick up some pizza for a late night dinner. I had school, homework, and some video editing to do and forgot to cook. April came home late and said not to worry about it and would grab some pizza. Her new favorite place didn’t offer delivery so she went to go get it. I decided that a nice hot shower sounded good and went in. I got out as I heard the front door open and close. I made my way to my room about to throw on my favorite green sweater only to remember that It had been washed and was in the dryer. So, I wrapped my towel back around me and opened my door to head out into the living room. I walked out and looked up only to meet with 4 pairs of eyes.

“Oh my bad,” I said, turning to go back to my room only to stop and turn right back around. “Ummmm…” I trailed off not sure what to say as I stared at 4 very large, very green, oddly human like turtles, all while in a bath towel that left most of my left hip exposed.

“Oh hi (y/n). I forgot to mention I had friends coming over.” April said walking into the room. “You might wanna put some clothes on though.”

“Yeah…” I said not able to look away from the very large turtle creatures sitting in the living room.

[early20sfailingplenty]

Uhm I like rock music, mainly classic rock like AC/DC, Guns n Roses, Def Leppard that type of thing. I’m a texture eater but I get called ‘fussy’ but just some I can’t do so I tend to live off pasta and sandwiches most days. I’m a horror fantatic, I love the old classics like scream or nightmare on elm street. Uhm I have an outgrown ombré that I need done but can’t due to lockdown 😂 Im plus size and trying to get round to loving my body even though I can’t stand it.. uhm.. oh I like reading and have an obsession with candles and wax melts. ~ @tatestripedsweater​

Aaaaaaaaa ✨✨✨✨ I’m so excited to get to write this for you, Shannon, and I really hope that you enjoy this! It’s been a while since I wrote solidly for James (on my main blog, @ajokeformur-ray​) so hopefully this portrayal isn’t too rusty!💜🌸

James March

Word count: 861.

Let me get one thing clear from the get go: you and James are perfect for each other! You have a very similar vibe to the one which James has and you would be at home within the Hotel Cortez in no time. No harm would ever befall you - “even a hair harmed on your pretty little head will see the assailant lumbered with the addiction demon, my dear,” as he once told you. You have no doubt that if he needed to, that he would make good on his promise, and you only hope for the others’ sake that they never try to test James. He does not mess around when it comes to you! Jazz and rock music are like chalk and cheese and initially was James very dismissive of your taste in music, “it’s just... noise,” he once bitterly complained to you. He can’t deny, try as he might, that you really do love classic rock, and over the months and years in which the two of you are together does James learn how to appreciate the different melodies and the poetic lyrics. Songs like Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin hold a special place in his heart, for reasons he himself doesn’t fully understand. It’s no Benny Goodman, but James can admit that it’s palatable to his ears. 

James never calls you fussy. He pays extremely close attention to the textures you like, the textures you love, the textures you can tolerate but aren’t fond of, the ones you dislike, the ones which make you gag... James catalogues every reaction and he makes sure that Hazel over ever serves you up food which you’ll actually eat and enjoy - what’s the point of eating if you’re not going to enjoy it? So most days that may be pasta and sandwiches, but James is just happy to see you eating! He’s very protective of you and there’s nothing which he wouldn’t do for you. Luckily, Hazel is really fond of you and many a time have the two of you had a conversation about her son and other sensitive topics, so she always serves you food with a proud smile on her face. For once, for once, she and her hard work are seen and appreciated and she has sworn to herself that if James ever hurts you, she’ll turn him in all over again. You and Hazel stan each other and you’ve got each other’s backs every step of the way!

Plenty of horrible things, made from the stuff of nightmares, go down in the hotel so James doesn’t fully understand why you love horror so much. Why bother watching a clearly fake throat get slashed with blood which isn’t even the right shade of red and splatters wrong, when you can shadow him all day and experience the real thing for yourself? Modern life confuses James but he won’t deny you the things you enjoy. The old classics are your favourite and James puts in a special word with Liz so that the hotel has a miniature cinema in which you can watch your horrors on the big screen! You’re a queen, after all, and he’ll treat you as such no matter what you say! Please just hug him omg he’s desperate for affection. James loves you - every single part of you is cherished! You are a goddess, a queen, but more than that, you are his goddess. You are his Queen. Daily does James lay worship at your altar and on days when you feel especially loathing of yourself and of your body, James is there with solemn vows of love and adoration. “You are a heavenly creature, Shannon. I am in awe of your beauty.” James doesn’t just say pretty words - he shows you, too, in whichever way you’re most comfortable with! It’s not uncommon for him to buy you an entirely new outfit (with the help of Elizabeth, who sees how deeply you love James and can’t help but appreciate you a bit more for it) just so that he can show you off! And if it helps you to feel a bit more confident, then that’s a bonus! Anything for his Queen...

You like to read and James likes to watch you read. The story plays out before him on your face. When you’ve done something which James feels you should be praised for (literally anything you could do), then you may well find that he’s bought you a new stack of books. They’re never wrapped or signed but you know that they’re from James because they’re always super expensive copies. You would have been happy with a simple paperback but James gets you a gold or silver embellished cover with painted pages and pictures. You also have an obsession with candles and wax melts and, again, James uses his outside connections to make sure that you can have those things. He loves you deeply and he makes sure that you know that at every available turn! He treats you like a Queen and you treat him like a King, because he deserves every ounce of it and more.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Episode 23 - The worst album in the world rated highly by Kurt (Cobain) and (Frank) Zappa.

K: Hi this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. Hows it going recently?

J: I've just had my wisdom tooth out, I'm still quite swollen.

T, K: Oh yeh, you are!

J: Its really tough getting your wisdom teeth out at 52 years old.

K: Its quite late to have it done, right?

J: Yeh, Im doing it late. What about you, Kaoru?

K: I don't have any left.

J: All four?

K: Yeh.

J: You had this hell already taken out?

K: Oh, it was awful with me! 

J: When you had them out?

K: When I first had one of the bottom ones removed, it took about an hour and a half.

J: One hour...thats awful.

K: It was growing like this (*places fist horizontally against vertical palm)

J: Ahh, if its not growing like this..(*indicates vertical growth angle with hands). This type (*horizontal) hurts.

K: Then in the end, the anesthetic wore off. I had been given anesthetic, but it wore off.

J: Eughh!

K: Then after the tooth was out, my head hurt, my whole face hurt for about two weeks..I couldn't eat anything..It was hell.

J: You didn't have live shows did you?

K: No, not at all.

J: So, you had it done in your time off? Ahh, that sounds so painful. What about you, Tasai?

T: I still have mine.

J: Oh, you have them?

T: But after hearing this, I don't want to have them out anymore.

J: Hahaha

K: Are yours like this? (*growing horizontally?)

T: No, I think they are pretty straight.

K: Well, in that case, you don't really need to have them out.

T: Yeh, but yours sounds like it was painful, Kaoru.

J: For a hour and a half...that must hurt.

K: Yeh

J: Mine was out in ten mins, and Im still this swollen. I still have my lower left one remaining, Im gonna have to get that one out too...(*Kaoru smiles) Look at him! That face! Seriously!

Um, about Hanshin...

K: Hahaha

J: Didn't you say they would win by a mile, Kaoru?

T: He did.

K: They are...in last place by a mile. (*On screen note: 'The rank at the time of filming').

T: But they did win before now, so..

J: They did win before now?? He said they were gonna win by a mile!

K: Well, at the moment they've had two consecutive wins..then yesterday was raining, so that fell through, but..I think they are onto a good winning style now.

J: I see. From now on...

K: Mm, they finally got to the starting line.

J: Hahaha.

T: Starting with five in debt, right? haha.

J: This won't make them lose heart.

K: Well, cause they've only just started.

J,T: Well, yeh.

K: Everyone has ups and downs.

J: Thats true. Still, Hanshin are strong in the summer, aren't they?

T: Thats when they get consecutive wins, right?

K: Well, I mean, its always like this, last year was the same, but in the last month or so, they suddenly get good, its like 'Weren't you losing?' As soon as you realise, its like 'Eh?!, How'd you get that good already?'...kinda.

J: How come they can never get off to a good start?

K: Hmm, probably a lack of coordination, haha.

J: Hahaha.

T: Yeah, but at the start thier pitcher did catch corona and stuff, so they couldn't practice properly from the beginning.

K: Thats only an excuse.

J: Well, its tough, as expected. But, you know, I have zero interest in pro baseball, but this year..

T: You're watching it a lot!

J:...whether or not we'll have this event depends on it, so im putting my all into showing support. Still, it may be empty support, everytime I check the results I'm like, 'Whaaat?'

K: Oh, theres still a lot more to come.

J: Like, what was with those words you said with big subtitles, 'win by a mile'?

K: That was my desire. At the time this is broadcast, they'll be doing well.

J: I see

T: Right.

K: This will be broadcast in how many days? (*Works it out) Ah, maybe not by then.

J, T: Hahaha

J: Your attitude gets weaker and weaker.

K: Ok, lets have today's story please.

T: Ok, well this has been creating a bit of a buzz at Tokyo Sports, a really terrible band has been discovered to be in a list of Kurt Cobain's (of Nirvana) Top 50 albums. People who are into music might know this already, but the band is 'The Shaggs'. They are really terrible. I've also had a listen to them on Youtube, and you could say they sound like beginners, but I did think...Huh? Hang on a sec.

J: Hahaha. Like 'whats going on here?'　

T: Yeah. But somehow ???*1, and since this has come out in the news, its become quite a talking point.

J: I see.

T: Like people are saying, 'In reality, they're really good', or 'On no, they really are bad', and stuff. Joe, do you know of them?

J: I do, yeh. I've played them on the radio before, and whenever I do, there is a big response. When people hear this novice-like performance, they really respond. There must be something more to this. The sound quality of the recording is quite high, so whenever I play it, people think 'Woah, this is so interesting! ...'. What do you think of it, Kaoru? Have you listened to it?

K: Yeh, I have. Well, I mean, its a type of expression, right? I doesn't matter whether they are skilled or not. I thought it was interesting. It leaves a lasting impression .

J: Conversely, right?

K: ???*2

J: But if you had to say if they were skilled or not, you would say not, right?

K: Well, if they are seriously trying, then they are bad.

J, T: Hahah

J: If this is thier best, then they're bad?

K: Yeh, cause this is thier recorded sound. In that case, they're bad. But someone other than the performers has actually recorded this, and said, 'yes, lets go with this'.

J: Yes

T: I see

J: No one tried fix it.

K: Yeh, they didn't try to do a re-take or anything. They wanted to make the record.

J: This is the completed version, right?

K: Yeh, so maybe it was meant to be like this *3

T: So, if you look into this story a bit more, by the time of thier second album, their performance technique had improved a bit, and conversely, they lost their uniqueness. It erased what was special about them.

J: Ahhh, thats tough. But growing up in the 80s, back then all the pop idols were really untalented, weren't they?

T: Haha

J: But they made a lasting impression. Its not really a case of whether or not they were skilled. But, on the other hand...who was that guy?... *sings* 'Watashi no ohaka no mae ni...'...Akiyama something-or-other (*On screen text: Akikawa Masafumi*), I played some of his  more rocky stuff on my show, but it didn't resonate because he's just too good.

T: Ehh.

J: The songs require a certain kind of atmosphere.. and singing really well like..(*imitates a tenor's voice*), it didn't work at all. It was interesting.

T: Yeh, so there's something more to it, other than just skill.

J: I think so.

K: Well, it also comes down to who it is making the songs.

J: Yeh, that may have something to do with it.

T: I see

K: I mean, I don't know if these people (The Shaggs) wrote the songs themselves, but the songs are unique precisely because this band is playing them. This is how they do it.

J: But surely, if the songs were played properly, they wouldn't be that impressive, right?

K: Right! Haha.

J: Thier uniqueness comes from thier lack of skill.

T: Joe, can you understand how Kurt Cobain and Frank Zappa would appreciate this kinda thing?

J: I think so yeh. Like, Kurt Cobain, even in his appearance, he was grungy, like, appearing in public wearing pajamas and stuff. And in the 80s, slightly before his time, there was also that computerised music, like ???*4. Frank Zappa was also mentioned, and he was an artist with really experimental aspects, so I guess they would like this kinda of thing, the type of thing where there nothing else like it. I can really understand that.

K: Yeh, people who know nothing about music might listen to some super technical and progressive music, and then listen to this, and they might think they sound the same. One of them might sound a bit off, but the other might sound way off to some people. They might just look at them the same.

J: Ah, that may be, yeh. Well, to put it simply...its not your average music, is it?

T: Yeh.

J: Its quite interesting. Its like you said Kaoru, if the progressive stuff is too advanced, it will be written off, and in this case, this band may be regarded in a similar way for doing nothing special. Still, is it possible? Whenever novices like me do Karaoke, you have to do something, don't you? Like, impersonating the singer, or getting a bit excited..if you don't, it would be a  kinda chilly performance. So, with this band doing nothing like that...are they not cooperating or something?

T: Well, its hard.

J: Maybe they are professionals *laughing*

Kami: Its interesting how thier Dad forced them into it, right?

J: Oh yeh.

Kami: Its like, why does he know this stuff. They were forced..Didn't they say that in an interview or something? Thats quite interesting.

T: So, from what I've heard, thier Dad was on a mission to strike it rich, in a kind of swindler fashion.

J: Oh, that was it.

K: Ah, I see.

T: And made his daughters...

Kami: Ah, he was an imposter?

J: He tried to be

Kami: So he was witness to the recording and gave it the OK then?

T: Hmm, probably.

J: He was after something.

Kami: They had no money to record, so he just said, 'yeh, this'll do', kinda.

K: The Dad didn't have any talent either.

J, T: Hahaha

K: Or maybe he did?

J: Which is it?!

K: I don't know.

J: Right...But even if it was a ramen shop or something, if it said, 'The Worlds Worst Ramen', you'd want to try it just once, right? Its maybe the same kind of pattern.

K: But it does stay in your head, this band.

J: It does, surprisingly.

Kami: When you listen to it, there is some kind of message, right?

T: I see.

J: Well, Punk had to contend with a lack of skill, didn't it?..in that respect. 70s punk didn't use very complicated chords at all. But when it became more advanced, it kinda faded out.

K: Yeh, people from that generation ????  *5 There's quite a difference, isn't there?

J: There is, there is. What is that all about? Its like, why all the irregularity? Well, they are seeking something different, for sure...Well, we are getting carried away, but if you search for this band, you'll find it. If you search for 'The Shaggs', you'll be able to find them. The name of the album is 'Philosophy of the World'.

K: Ok, let's finish here. Please subscribe.

J: Yes, please do.

K: Thank you very much.

T: Thank you.

*1, 2, 4 Couldn't catch

*3 Could't catch explicitly, but I think thats what he means

*5 I can hear what he's saying, but I just couldn't put together what he means. Feedback always welcome btw!

[mingishoe]

The van ride

Mingi x Fem!Reader

Smut Warning: Kinda exhibitionsim, marking, dirty talking, lil bit of degrading, thigh riding, edging, handjob in the back of the van, finger sucking??? That’s it I think- 

Fluff if you squint

Word count: ~2.1k

Summary: While going to film their latest music video you just can’t seem to get enough of Mingi’s thighs even if you are in the back of the van with the other members.

Part 1 of the kink series

11-13-19

——————————————————————

If someone asked you what your favourite part of Song Mingi’s body was you’d say it was his thighs. You have to admit, Migni has some good thick thighs that you can never not be touching.

It’s not always sexual, it could be you laying your head on them, or your feet, or just having your hand resting on one. When you sit on Mingi’s lap it’s a different story. Sure it doesn’t always end where your legs feel like jelly, but today wasn’t one of those days. 

You were in the van with Mingi and the rest of the members driving like 13 hours to film a part for their new music video. You and Mingi got the two seats in the very back just so you could lay down properly since it was already 3 in the morning. 

It started off innocent, you just resting your head on his thigh while drawing shapes on his thigh. Y’all stopped so the driver could get some rest and pretty much everyone was asleep. You had been asleep for around 6 hours and you had woken up not feeling tired anymore.

In your opinion (the right opinion ;))Mingi was the most beautiful and ethereal man you’ve ever seen. You were still laying on his legs while you were looking up at him. He was awake too, having fallen asleep with you earlier, his phone screen lighting up his face. You find yourself always staring at Mingi with the most loving look on your face. It obviously isn’t the best angles to look at someone but from where you’re laying you can see all his best features, his jawline, his plump lips, his beautiful nose, and his cute eyes(basically his whole face) Mingi could feel you staring at him and let one of his hands down to play with your hair and face. 

You grabbed onto his hands and started playing with his fingers as you sat up. You leaned against his shoulder watching him scroll through his social media, “Not tired anymore?” he whispered as to not wake up anyone. You hummed, still feeling the grogginess of having just woken up. 

He puts down his phone down and holds his arms out for you to go with him. You turn towards him and straddle his lap and put your head in his neck. He’s rubbing your back and you’re playing with the hair on the back of his neck. This is one of your favourite positions to be in, or as crazy as it might sound or look because of the size difference between you and mingi, Mingi straddling your lap.

You know how this usually ends and it cannot happen in the back of the van with everyone in it. San, Wooyoung, and Seonghwa in the seats in front of you. Two of them will never let you live it down and the other will never not look at you in disgust from this point onward. “Mingi— no…” you mumbled into his neck as he started rubbing down your back and to your thighs. 

He hummed while starting to rub up and down your ass and thighs. “They’re gonna wake up, Min-” you got cut off as he moved you to where you were only on one of his thighs. You tried to close your legs before anything started to happen but as soon as your knee touched his hard on, it was all over for you. You let yourself relax while your face was hiding in his neck. 

Mingi’s hands were moving to grip your hips and slowly started to move your bottom half against his thigh. You usually were never super quiet while doing things like this but considering there were 8 other people in the van, you had to be completely silent. 

Your breathing is starting to become labored as he starts to move you a little bit faster, “Ah~ M-Mingi-“ you whined. “Shh~ baby girl, unless you want everyone to see you grinding on my thigh like a puppy, I’d suggest you be quiet.” You nod while starting to suck and nibble on mingi’s neck. You knew his makeup artist wouldn’t be happy about it, but it was the only thing that would keep you quiet enough. “C-can't,” you whispered in his ear. 

It was too hard for you not to make any noise, you were making small whimpers while licking the marks you left on Mingi’s neck in different shades of a pretty pink. “Can’t what? Hmm? Can’t be quiet so seonghwa won’t catch you? Maybe you want him to see you, don’t you? You want Seonghwa hyung to catch you being a little slut, don’t you?” He growled in your ear. Before you and Mingi dated you had the biggest crush on Seonghwa. The one time you told Mingi, before y’all even dated, he got so Jealous. It was at times like this where he would really bring out all his jealousy on the subject. 

You heard some rustling from somewhere in the van and you stopped all movement. Your chest heaving, your conscience telling you to stop, and your own need telling you to keep moving. Mingi didn’t like that, he grabbed your hips turning you to where you were facing the rest of the van. 

You turned your head towards Mingi with a pleading look to which he returns with a a laugh and a head shake, “keep going, this time don’t stop.” Your heart slamming against your ribs begging you to stop, but you don’t you grab the seat in front of you to stabilize yourself and started moving again. 

While his hands were on your hips you moved one of your hands back to palm him. He was wearing sweats so you could feel how hard he was in your hand. You could feel him grip your hips harder while he started to move you faster. You groaned as you put your head down to rest on the seat in front of you, right behind Wooyoung. 

You gripped his length harder before you moved your hand to grab him out of his pants. He bucked his hips making you bounce on his leg. You were close, your stomach was tensing, your core was throbbing, your legs were shaking. You turned to Mingi shaking your head with tears eyes, “p-please, can’t take it.” You were sloppily jerking him off, paying close attention to the tip to make him cum faster.

He grabbed you and pulled you so you were flush against him as he stuck his hands down your shorts feeling how wet you were. “Fuck~ you’re so wet, look” he practically moaned in your ear. He pulled his hand from out your shorts, showing you his two fingers covered in your slick. He brought his fingers to your lips as you opened your mouth for him to put his fingers there. You closed your mouth around his fingers and started to suck. 

Your hand started to move faster around his length while gripping it harder. He started bucking his hips more frequently and he pulled his fingers out your mouth to stop your hand, “F-fuck, you need to stop or else Im gonna cum.” You stopped your movements and gripped the base while he slid his hand back down your stomach to dip back in your shorts. 

You were so close you could cum from a single touch. Mingi used your slick as lube to stick a finger in you. “O-Oh fuck,” you moaned a little bit too loud. “What did I tell you? Hmm? Didn’t I tell you to be quiet? If you want Seonghwa Hyung to join us why don’t you just wake him up and ask? You could show him how much of a slut you are, how much you want him to touch you” your heart was slamming in your chest, Mingi wasn't being quiet, he was above a whisper. 

He stuck a second finger into your core and started to move his wrist faster and harder helping his fingers to reach your sweet spot which made you turn your head and take mingi into a kiss. You start to move your hand that gripping Mingi slowly causing him to growl in your mouth. You pull away with glassy eyes, “Mingi, fuck, Mingi Please, I can’t hold it anymore.” He looks down at you and smiles while starting to move his hand faster making a wet noise come from your bottom half, he brings you into a kiss trying to block all the muffled moans that threaten to spill from your now swollen lips.

Both your hands are moving faster, his precum all over your palm and fingers, your cum soaking your panties. Your eyes closed, vision filled with blurry dots as you cum. Hard. Your legs are shaking and whines spilling from your lips as Mingi continues his actions on your core helping you come down your high. You calm down a little and continue to move your hand that’s around Mingi’s length and you can feel him tensing and he starts to moan quietly in your ear. 

It physically hurts you how quiet he’s being. Mingi is usually loud and vocal and his moans are so beautiful to you. Right before he cums you panic for a second wondering what you’re gonna do, you don’t want him getting all messy with him cum but you don’t have enough space to take him in your mouth. 

All the worries go out the window as soon as he lets out his pretty sounds it’s all you can think about. You try and catch most of his cum in your hand but some of it goes onto his sweatshirt. You feel him softening in your palm so you use your other hand that isn’t filled with cum to put him back into his boxers. He slowly opens his eyes to look at you as you take your hand and start putting your fingers in your mouth one by one licking the cum off your fingers and palm while making eye contact. 

Your heart swells at the sight of your beautiful boyfriend looking so fucked out beside you. He looks down at his sweater and laughs slightly, “S’alright, we can wash it.” You slide off his lap with a bit of a grimace because your underwear is sticking to you uncomfortably, “uncomfortable?” You see Mingi looking at you with an amused expression. You nod while he laughs at you. You look around a little bit and try and take off your underwear without taking off your shorts too. You look up at Mingi and he grabs the thin fabric and rips it, “YAH, Mingi~ you’re getting me another pair!” You whisper laugh at him while he grabs your soiled, ripped, underwear and puts them into his bag. 

Mingi takes off his sweater and opens his arms once again for you to cuddle. It doesn’t matter where you are he’s always ready to cuddle and it’s your favourite thing ever, especially after moments like this he becomes into a big teddy bear. You go back into his arms and on his lap with your back against his chest and he just holds you. “You okay, was it too much?” He questions you while resting his face into your neck. You shake your head and giggle, “no, as long as no one heard that… even tho I’m sure someone did…” you laugh while playing with Mingi’s hands. 

You’re kinda just spaced out until you see someone’s phone screen light up on the roof of the car and your heart drops. “M-Mingi-“ you turn to look at him and he has the same expression on his face. Your phone buzzes next to you and your heart sinks out your ass when you see who it is.

[Seonghwa 4:13am] why don’t you wake me up next time, hmm?

Your eyes practically burst out your skull and what your looking at, however; Mingi is laughing his ass off behind you. “Seems like you were already awake tho?” You say aloud trying your best to sound innocent as you hear a snort coming from in front of you as Seonghwa turns around and rolls his eyes at you. “Next time just let me know oppa~ I’ll be happy to help” you say in a whisper while winking at him, knowing you got his soft spot with “oppa” Mingi is still laughing behind you but actually taking your proposition into consideration on Seonghwa joining y’all.

[yibuo]

UMMM I would love to know what exactly happened with xnine too if you know??

i didn’t know how to answer this without hating on long danni but... that’s not possible when you’re talking about xnine

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG IN ANY WAY @ DIMPLES AND CFANS

tldr ceo addicted to producing survival shows realizes boy group is incapable of feeding her fat rabbit because of her OWN mismanagement and throws them away (literally? probably not, maybe, idk)

HOLY SHIT THIS BECAME RLY LONG IM BEGGING KEEP READING TO WORK LO LOL LOL

long danni= wjjw company ceo

wjjw=company that xnine, xz, r1se, etc are under

huo mala: fat company rabbit that WILL give u nightmares goodness gracious thinking about him sends chills down my spine

alright so long danni (ldn i will refer to her) & ee media along w/ tencent and sm made the survival show x-fire... the premise of xfire was that 16 contestants split into two different teams (white and red) and then at the end it would boil down to each team having 4 members and the winning team would debut as a group called xfire...but wait...the group’s name is xnine? so out of red team (peng chuyue, baishu, xiao zhan, xia zhiguang) and white team(wu jiacheng, gu jiacheng, zhao lei, and guo zifan) white team won...and they unofficially debuted as xfire..went abroad to train yadda yadda yadda and then a few months later, TELL ME WHY LONG DANNI DECIDES TO RELEASE POLLS TO LET FANS VOTE IN 5 MEMBERS INTO XFIRE TO CREATE XNINE! ldn PLEASE if u wanted to rig the show you should’ve decided in the beginning what was the point of making the teams and the fans fight against each other...

so yeah xz and crew weren’t actually supposed to debut according to show rules...i mean i’m glad they debuted obviously bc x9 is x9 but ee media and frickin ldn couldve handled this better...like every member except chen molerat is amazing and great but....WHY DIDNT MaNAGEMENT NOT BLATANTLY RIG THEM INTO THE GROUP

but also thank u ldn for also letting us get to know the 4 guys who were added n not chen molerat <3 but like DO UR JOB PROPERLY

anyway the polls were RIGGED obviously thanks ldn what did u expect out of making POLLS, and xiao zhan, peng chuyue, xia zhiguang, yan xujia, and chen z*** were added to the group to create xnine...talk about rigged when chen z*** the molerat lookin turdface misogynist was added... anyway at the time he wasnt known to be problematic but ya the whole rigging thing caused a whole rift esp when x9 debuted bc there were fanwars and death threats initially but xfire did well because it was one of the (if not only) survival shows at that time and x9 debuted w/ a good response etc

then they got moved to wjjw (still owned by ldn thanks ldn) and wjjw is known for hoarding artists and not promoting them (THEY HAVE LIKE 45 ARTISTS BUT WERE FORMED 3 YEARS AGO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE) and not being promoted properly was EXACTLY what happened to xnine. as idols what they needed was music promotions, variety shows, etc stuff to get them as people out there but this genius ldn decided to promote them through stupid zodiac dramas like super star academy (to promote xfire finalists) and oh my emperor (which was an xnine drama). now i haven’t watched OME, but SSA gave me enough brain rot and gunk for me to not watch OME. (the only person who could act was baishu), and the story was SO BAD. nevermind the acting, because the boys weren’t initially slated to be actors, but the story was horrible, girl without superpowers suddenly becomes white cult goddess at the end??? WHAT???????? why didn’t ldn just promote them normally !!!!!! are they an actor group or an idol group???? I LOVE XNINE, THEY ARE TALENTED ARTISTS !!!! and eventually some went into acting (xz, guo zifan, gu jiacheng) BUT WAS THAT THE TIME DLFNJNF and then they just kept getting sent into random dramas and movies as random side characters instead of being able to make music and promote????? i’m sorry i’ve been stuck on using dramas to promote x9 for a while because that’s such a SILLY IDEA *vigorously shakes head* 

ldn knows how to do survival shows but she doesn’t know how to promote her artists thanks ldn. xnine has so much talented, we know xiao zhan is a great singer, but other main vocalists like wu jiacheng, zhao lei, and peng chuyue are amazing as welll, here’s me plugging this video of zl and pcy performing their self-written song on produce camp because it’s the most beautiful thing ever

-oh yeah somewhere in here insert chen molerat getting outed as a pedo misogynist cheater by his gf who still has the audacity to have xnine in his weibo name because xnine starting to get popular gtfo rat lookin ass i WILL barf, when we say ot8 xnine we mean xnine w/o chen toadratass but sometimes ppl think it’s xnine minus xz which is untrue-

they also have talented rappers (gu jiacheng yan xujia) and dancers (xia zhiguang guo zifan) like xia zhiguang can end me with his spinning flying kick thing and i WILL let him 

so YEAH !! TALENT that went to waste because wjjw gave them weird random hiatuses and kept pushing them as actors??? seriously what is with this actor stuff...so that’s why they debuted in 2016 and have very little discography to their name because wjjw just gave up...trying to promote them GOD thank u so much ldn for ur incomptency <3333 xnine had members in diff stages of life (ranging from xz who was born in 91, to yan xujia born in 2001, they were all close tho soo cute) and wjjw really was like nope we’re not gonna try to promote yall’s dreams of becoming singers on the stage because they couldn’t add 34783473 pounds to fat huo mala’s weight

so ya a lot of people are like omg wjjw hates xiao zhan!!! ya no they hate all of xnine but now xz is bringing enough money to make huo mala even fatter so good for huo mala i guess /s

also rumors and any bad media? lol wjjw doesn’t care they do a shit job at handling bad things too WHAT A WELLROUNDED COMPANY

OH ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THYE HAD 3 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR A CONCERT???????????? WHAT????????? wjjw u mfs

anyway to summarize my rants above wjjw did  a SHIT job of promoting xnine as idols when the boys worked so hard and wjjw kept tryna push them to acting bye (some of them can’t act and literally don’t WANT TO ACT HHHSFLNF), wjjw is also horrible at letting all of the xnine members shine when as i mentioned before, they’re ALL TALENTED!!!! and then they just gave up on xnine somewhere in 2017-2018... ok anyway so is xnine disbanded? no although some may say their last concert in dec 2018 was their last concert ever they’re not disbanded

xiao zhan , gu jiacheng, and guo zifan went into acting

wu jiachang is focusing on his music etc (he was actually the first member of xnine i came across when i watched the collaboration/cyzj in 2018...yes carats this is That wu jiacheng!!!) MAN CAN SING

peng chuyue, zhao lei, xia zhiguang, yan xujia all went on produce camp 2019 (aNOTHER SURVIVAL SHOW BC THEY WANTED TO BE ON THE MF STAGE BC THATS WHY THEYRE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE WJJW) along w/ fellow labelmates zhou zhennan and zhai xiao wen ... and everyone but peng chuyue made it to the final 11 spots and got to debut in the group r1se...UNFORTUNATELY ALSO UNDER WJJW HELP SEND HELP

if they’re in r1se does that mean they quit xnine? no! they’re in both that’s just how survival shows work it’s kind of weird

peng chuyue recently released a song and it’s really good and you can’t not tell me that it’s gay here it is

anyway xnine hasn’t disbanded!! the X玖少年团 (xnine) in the non-r1se members’ weibo names say that loud n clear!!! and when the r1se members from xnine won produce camp 2019, they all made xnine signs SO XNINE IS ALIVE and they do keep in contact!!

why haven’t we seen blatant public interactions btwen xiao zhan and the xnine members? because some frickin annoying xz solo stans/xfx claim that the other members use xz for popularity (HELLO??????? IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HALF OF THEM R LITERALLY HIS KIDS BUT OK) 

anyway in conclusion wjjw doesn’t know how to promote any of their artists, thus screwing over xnine members and making them go on a group hiatus where they focus on acting/singing/r1se for r1se members but they are very much xnine as of now !!!

here’s some REALLY GOOD RESOURCES to follow xnine bc as an ifan it’s mf hard

-xnine slideshow

-xnine faq

-xnine eng sub channel by yuer

-all of that content i listed above was made/subbed by one person and she is the queen of uhh...xnine international fandom outreach (????) how do i word it but she’s been subbing and spreading xnine long before xiao zhan’s popularity skyrocketed so go follow her for updates and memes here

-xnine intl fanbase twt and tumblr

-and here’s this twt account with dumb pics of xnine because why not

also i’m pretty sure there’s a wip video explaining x9′s history being created (by yuer because queen) so when that’s posted i’ll rb this and post it here

also here’s this video dragging wjjw

[vanityloves]

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

[dillydedalus]

april reading

oh yeah this is a thing. anyway in april i read about uhhh.... first contact (twice), murderers on skis & victorian church politics

the yield, tara june winch a novel about indigenous australian identity and history (now and throughout the 20th century) in three narrative strands. imo the narrative strand that consists of a grandfather writing a dictionary of his language (wiradjuri) in order to prove a claim to some land is by far the strongest, but overall i liked this quite a lot. 3/5

land of big numbers, te-ping chen a solid short story collection focused on modern china and young(ish) chinese people, both in china and the diaspora. i particularly liked the stories that had some slighty surreal or speculative elements, such as one about fruit that strongly evoke emotions when eaten and a group of people stuck in a train station for months as the train is delayed, which imo use their speculative aspects in effective (if not super subtle) ways to talk about society. 3/5

the pear field, nana ekvtimishvili (tr. from georgian by elizabeth heighway) international booker prize longlist! a short, fairly depressing read about a 18-year-old girl at a post-soviet school for developmentally disabled childred (but also orphans, abandoned children & other random kids) who is trying to get a younger boy adopted by an american couple. there seem to be a lot of novels set at post-soviet orphanages etc & imo this is a well-executed example of the microgenre, with the pear field full of pears that are never picked bc they don’t taste right as a strong central image. 3/5

the warden, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #1) ah yes, a 6-part victorian series about church politics in an english town, exactly the kind of thing i’m interested in. not sure why i committed to at least the first two entries of the series but here we are. despite this lack of interest (and disagreement with most of the politics on display here) i found this quite charming; trollope has a gift for an amusing turn of phrase & making fun of his characters in benevolent ways. 3/5

the lesson, cadwell turnbull first contact scifi novel set on the virgin islands, where an alien ship arrives one day. the aliens seem benevolent & share helpful technology, but also react with extreme violence to any aggression. they claim to be on earth to study.... something, but it’s never entirely clear what. the book makes some interesting choices (like immediately skipping over the actual first contact to a few years in the future, when the aliens are already established on the islands) but i thought much of it was kinda disjointed and confusing. 2/5

the heart is a lonely hunter, carson mccullers look, i get it, it’s all about the isolation & alienation (& dare i say loneliness) of 4 miserable characters projecting their issues on the central character singer, who is kind and patient and also deaf and mute, thus making him the perfect receptacle for their issues without really having to connect with him as a person and how that isolation hinders them socially, artistically, emotionally, politically, but like... i didn’t really like it. i didn’t hate it but i just felt very meh about it all. 2.5/5

acht tage im mai: die letzte woche des dritten reiches, volker ulrich fascinating history book about the last week(ish) of the third reich, starting with the day of hitler’s suicide and ending with the total surrender (but with plenty of flashbacks and forwards), and looking at military&political leadership (german and allied) as well as prisoners of war, forced laborers, concentration camp prisoners, and everyone else. very interesting look at what kästner described as the “gap between the not-anymore and the not-yet.” 3.5/5

firekeeper’s daughter, angeline boulley) i’ve been mostly off the YA train for the last few years, but this was a really good example of contemporary YA with a focus on ~social issues. ANYWAY. this is YA crime novel about daunis, a mixed-race unenrolled ojibwe girl close to finishing high school who is struggling with family problems, university plans, and feeling caught between her white and her native familiy when her best friend is shot in front of her and she decides to become a CI for an fbi investigation into meth production in the community. i really appreciated how hard this went both with the broader social issues (racism, addiction) and daunis’ personal struggles. there are a few bits that felt a bit didactic & on the nose (and the romance... oh well), but overall the themes of community, family, and the value of living indigenous culture are really well done & i teared up several times. 4/5

the magic toyshop, angela carter i love carter’s short stories but struggle with (while still liking) her novels so far. this one, a tale of melanie, suddenly orphaned after trying on her mother’s wedding dress in the garden, coming of age and awakening to womanhood or whatever. carter’s really into that. it’s well-written, sensual as carter always is, and the family melanie and her siblings are sent to, her tyrannical puppet-maker uncle, his mute wife and the wife’s two brothers, both fascinating and offputting (& dirty) make for an interesting cast of characters, but overall i just wish i was reading the bloody chamber again. 3/5

barchester towers, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #2) (audio) lol tbh i still don’t know why i am committing to this series about, again, church politics in 19th century rural england, but it’s just so chill & warm & funny (we love gently or not so gently - but always politely - mocking our characters) that i’m enjoying it as a nice little trip where people do some #crazyschemes to gain church positions or fight over whether there should be songs in church or whatever it is people in the 19th century fought about. it’s very relaxing. there also is a lot of love quadrangleyness going on and that’s also fun. trollope has weird ideas about women but like whatever, i for one wish mrs proudie much joy of her position as defacto bishop of barchester, she really girlbossed her way to the top. 3.5/5

semiosis, sue burke (semiosis #1) i love spinning the wheel on the “first contact with X weird alien species” & i guess this time we landed on plants! plant intelligence is interesting and the idea of plant warfare is really cool. i do like the structure, with different generations of human settlers on the planet pax providing a long-term view but this allows the author to skip over a lot of the development of the relationship between the settlers and the plant and locating the plot elsewhere, which i think is ultimately a mistake. i might continue w/ the series tho, depending on library availability. 2.5/5

one by one, ruth ware a bunch of start-up people go on a corporate retreat to a ski chalet in the alps, avalanche warning goes up, one of them disappears, presumably on a black piste, the rest get snowed in & completely cut off when the avalanche hits and then they get picked off *title drop* (altho really not that many of them). nice fluff when i had a miserable cold (not covid) but fails when it tries to go for deeper themes... like an attempt to address classism and entitlement sure... was made. also like what kind of luxury skiing chalet does not have emergency communication devices in case internet/phone lines are down...  i’d have sued just for that. 2/5

fake accounts, lauren oyler the microgenre of ‘alienated intellectual(ish) probably anglophone person has some sort of crisis, goes to berlin about it’ is my ultimate literary weakness - i almost never really like them, they mostly irritate me & yet i can never resist their siren call. this one is p strong on the irritation, altho at least the narrator does not ascribe much meaning to her decision to go to berlin after she a) discovers her boyf is an online conspiracy theorist (probably not sincerely) and b) gets a call that said boyf has died, it’s really just something to do to avoid doing anything else. but other than that it’s so BerlinExpat by the numbers, like she lives in kreuzkölln! put her somewhere else at least! there is one scene that elevates the BerlinExpat-ness of it all (narrator asks expatfriend for advice on visa applications, expatfriend assures her that it’s really easy for americans to get visa, adds “especially now” while literally, as the narrator remarks, gesturing at the falafel she’s eating) other than that, the novel is.... fine. it’s smart, but not really as smart as it thinks it is, which is a problem bc it thinks it’s just sooo incisive. whatever. 2/5

the tenant of wildfell hall, anne bronte this is reductive but: jane eyre: i could fix him // wuthering heights: i could make him worse // wildfell hall: lmao i’m gonna leave his ass anyway i enjoyed the part that is actually narrated by the titular tenant of wildfell hall, helen (which thankfully, i think, is most of it) because the perspective of a woman who runs away from her abusive alcoholic of a husband is genuinely interesting and engaging, while gilbert, the frame story narrator who falls in love with helen, is.... the worst. i mean he’s not the worst bc the abusive husband arthur is there and hard to beat in terms of worseness, but he’s pretty fucking bad. imagine if helen had found out that gilbert attacked her secret brother over a misunderstanding, severely injured him & LEFT HIM TO DIE & then (when dude survived & the misunderstanding got cleared up) apologised like well i guess i didn’t treat you quite right! she’d have to run away from her second husband as well! poor girl. 3/5

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 7

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: that evening together will end in the next chapter! it makes me so happy to get all your comments and asks, so thank you times a million. im always super excited to update this because of you guys, so thank you, ily!

here are a few requests!

(SPOILERS OF THE CHAPTER)

Chapter 7 : His chapter

NIALL

I remained awake for hours, just laying on my back in the dark as Heidi was sleeping. I could have thought about the tantrum she threw or how I was going to comfort her in the morning but the truth was, the only thing that was obsessing me was the almost-kiss I had had with Olivia. I grabbed my phone on the bedside table and went back to our conversations. It was short, pretty much the opposite of how we used to text each other, and I licked my lips as I stared at my screen. I wanted to text her even if I knew it was a bad idea. I felt like we had to talk about what had happened or more about what hadn't happened.

'I'm sorry I hope you're okay'

I stared at the words and sighed before deleting it and typing again.

'Can we talk? Coffee tomorrow?'

I blinked a few times and this time, I just raised my eyebrows and shook my head as I deleted my words again.

'The song is about you.'

This time, I stared at my words longer. I didn't have a good way with words and communication was never my biggest strength, hence why I focused and counted on writing songs to let out my feelings, but I was not sure it was a good thing to let her know. Most likely, she already knew that. After all, I had written a whole album about her already, and I made it clear I still had feelings for her, didn't I?

I had my thumb hovering over the 'send' button as I held my breath but I was not sure I had the courage to actually click on it. I don't know how long I stared at the screen but I frowned slightly when my phone started vibrating in my hand, showing Louis’ smiling face, his two middle fingers up. I rolled my eyes with a chuckle, remembering he was the one who had actually picked this picture, and got out of bed quietly. I walked out of the room and closed the door slowly before answering him in a low tone as I walked to the kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Hey mate, were you sleeping?"

I opened the fridge and grabbed milk before getting a glass.

"No." I sighed. "Sorry again for earlier, it was a mess."

"Don't worry about it, I think some of us had too much wine." he brushed it off. "I was just calling to know if everything was okay. Did Heidi keep yelling at you?"

I sighed and turned around, pushing my glass of milk further and leaning my elbows on the counter as I closed my eyes.

"She didn't, and yea i'm okay." I said before pressing my lips together. "How's she?"

I didn't have to say a name, I knew Louis understood immediately who I was talking about. I felt bad that she had to go through my girlfriend's outburst but it was not really surprising when it came to Heidi. After she sat on me a few times and kissed me at random moments, I realized why she had proposed this dinner. She just wanted to 'claim' me as hers in front of Liv. If I had known, I would have been clearer with her before our guests would have arrived that I didn't want too much public display of affection but knowing Heidi, it wouldn't have changed much.

"I don't know." he finally admitted. "I mean, i'm at El's right now."

"You left her alone?" I felt something in my stomach stir, trying not to show that it upset me but I was pretty sure it showed.

"Mate, i'm not her mother. Olivia is a big girl, she can take care of herself. Besides, she's not alone."

I held my breath at his words and shut my eyes tighter. Of course she was not alone, what did I expect?

"How do you know?" I just grumbled low, making Louis chuckle.

"I texted her to ask her if she was okay but she just said she was with Dylan. You know what that normally means."

"I don't want to know."

It was one thing to know that sometimes, she had sex with her boyfriend but to know exactly when it happened made me feel sick. I put my glass in the sink and walked to the front door, opening it slowly and walking outside. The air of the night was cool and I shivered slightly as I stared up at the sky.

"You still love her, don't you?"

His words, especially after such a long moment of silence, seemed to slap me hard.

"Yes." I let out as I sighed, shaking my head and closing my eyes again.

"She's getting married, Niall." he added firmly. "What are you gonna do about it?"

When Louis called me by my name, I knew it was getting serious. I rubbed my eyes hard and sighed again as I realized how tired and exhausted I was. I had been in contact with Olivia only for a few days and everything was already a mess. I was a mess and so was she, I could see it in her eyes earlier, in my room.

"We.. we almost kissed." I admitted low, passing my hand in my hair.

"Fooking hell, Niall."

The way her lips had brushed against mine, her breath on my skin, the way she smelled... all of this was driving me insane, and the worst was that I realized it had nothing to do with sex. It was just her. She had that effect on me.

"She's the one who stopped it."

It made me realize that if we had kissed, Heidi would have caught us, she would have yelled louder, she would have told everyone and she would have broken up with me. Yes, it would be an even bigger mess but that way, Liv and I would have had a chance. I shook my head at this disgusting thought, ashamed of myself for even hoping for it just a second.

"I know you're confused, Niall, but I swear on my life, if you hurt her again, i'm gonna fucking kill you."

"Louis, I would never-"

"No no, no. I was the one who picked her up, okay? Not you. I was the one who heard her cry every fucking night because you broke her heart to go fuck with half the town. I was the one who lived with her, who saw it all." he let out rudely, making me hold my breath. "I saw how far she's come. I saw her get stronger, more self-confident. I saw her get a smile back, allow someone else in, I saw her turn into a queen. You weren't there, Niall. You have no idea how tough it was for her."

"It was... it was tough for me too." I argued, grimacing at my own words.

"So tough that the next day you had your prick buried in some random fanny." Louis said bluntly as I closed my eyes. "Don't make this about you, Niall. You broke up with her and now you regret it. I get it, I've done the same stupid thing, but for different reasons. You just can't come back and mess up the life she built without you, at least not if you're not sure it's exactly what you want."

I remained silent because there was nothing else to say, nothing to add, nothing to argue about. Louis was right, I didn't know what she went through and I was the only one to blame for this. Did that mean I had to give up?

"Look, Neil, go to bed okay?" Louis proposed after sighing. "We all need to sleep on that."

"Okay."

"Just make sure that you do that because you really love her, and not because you can't stand to see her happy without you, or because you want to prove to yourself that you can."

I shut my eyes tight and felt my heart jump in my chest as I pulled on my hair. It was not that at all and I knew it. I thought about her every single day since the night I broke up with her. I never stopped loving her, not even a second.

"'Night mate, sleep well."

"You too, Lou."

We hung up and slowly, I walked back inside and let myself fall on the couch. I lied down and put my arm over my face to hide my eyes as I felt them tingling. I swallowed hard not to make a sound but I felt myself tear up and turned around to face the back of the couch. It was ridiculous, I didn't even know why I was crying. All I knew was that I needed it.

                                                   ---

I woke up to the sound of dishes clinking and footsteps. I groaned, turning on the couch and sighing until I realized it was impossible to fall asleep again. My eyes still closed, I sat up before rubbing them and finally turned to my girlfriend who was moving quite fast around the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"A shake." she just said without looking at me. "I'm a bit late, I was supposed to work out this morning."

I grimaced and finally got up slowly, walking to the kitchen to make coffee. She leaned against the counter to finish her drink but I could feel her eyes on my nape as I grabbed a mug. I didn't want to turn around to face her, I didn't want to have a discussion. All I wanted was a cup of coffee and my phone.

"Did you sleep well, alone on the couch?"

I shrugged and slowly walked away to grab the sugar and milk, making sure I didn't look at her.

"I couldn't sleep last night, came in to watch tv and fell asleep on the couch." I explained, looking at the brown liquid falling in the pot. "Could have been worse."

"The tv was not on." she pointed out.

"I woke up in the middle of the night to turn it off but was too tired to get up and get back in bed." I replied with a frown, finally turning to look at her. "What's this? An interrogation?"

"You want a real question, Niall?" she asked, taking a step closer and putting her glass on the counter. "Did you kiss your ex girlfriend last night?"

I was surprised at how forward she was and at the same time, I felt relieved. All that mattered to her was what I did, and not how I felt. I would have had a hard time answering a question about my feelings for Olivia, but my actions were clean, at least for now.

"No, Heidi. I didn't kiss her."

I kept staring in her eyes as she was studying me and I could sense that she was not sure if she should believe me. I couldn't blame her, I was very close to kiss Liv. Hell, if she had wanted me to, I would have kissed her without a second thought.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted, but I still think it was inappropriate of you to be together alone in the same room." she admitted with a small shrug, grabbing her glass again and drinking what was left in it. "She's not your girlfriend anymore, and she's not even your best friend anymore. That best friend relationship you two had has died with your  romantic relationship. It can never be the same, and you both can't expect Dylan and I to accept it."

I stared at her and felt my heart sink in my chest. Was she right? Was everything I had built with Olivia in twenty years over because of a mistake I made? Was I holding onto something that would never come back?

"I'll be back later." I jumped when I felt my girlfriend's lips against mine and shook my head lightly. "Love you!"

I watched her leave and licked my lips, knowing I should answer her but not really wanting to. She waved at me and sent me a small smile that I answered before letting myself fall on one of the chairs, my face in my hands. How was I supposed to forget about the only girl I ever fell in love with? How could anyone expect me to get over her?

                                                    ----

I decided not to call Olivia and wait until she would reach to me. I knew that when we almost kissed, it had changed things between us, I just wasn't sure what had changed and how. Did she hate me now? Would she decide it was better if we didn't see each other anymore? The first day, I was checking my phone every half an hour, just in case I missed it, but it had been three days and I was losing hope. That's why I glanced at my phone and groaned when I heard my phone ring. I sighed but finally reached for it, feeling my heart skip a beat when I realized it was her.

"Hey petal, how are you?" I just said, trying to sound casual.

"Hey Nee, uhm, look, I've got a problem." she admitted in a low tone, making me frown. I sat better on the couch and waited. "We don't have power here and they say it won't be back before tomorrow. I have this super important scene to write and I just.. I was lazy, and basically, i'm last minute. I'm supposed to e-mail it to them before morning. I know your girlfriend may not like that but, would you mind if I came by for a few hours and worked at your place?"

I felt my heart jump again in my chest and licked my lips.

"Heidi's not here, you can spend the night." I proposed. Silence. "I have a guest room."

"Oh. Uhm, are you sure it's alright?"

My lips curled and I cleared my throat, squirming a bit on my seat.

"Yes, of course. Do you need me to pick you up?"

"No, it's cool, thank you so much, I'll be there in half an hour."

I felt suddenly nervous when we hung up and I just got up to change the sheets in the guest room since no one really slept there ever. I walked around the place to be sure everything was alright and finally checked in the fridge for a bottle of wine. I found a white one and brought it to the living room just as the doorbell rang. I saw her stand there, biting her bottom lip, with her bags on her shoulder, her purse in one hand and her laptop bag in the other.

"You're my savior." she just said when our eyes met, shaking her head slightly. "They'll kill me if I don't send this damn script."

My lips curled more and I chuckled low, moving to let her in. She stepped inside and let her bags fall next to the couch before turning to look at me. I watched her from afar and realized how perfect the sight was : only her in my living room. This is exactly what I wanted.

"It's my pleasure." I just said before she smiled and grabbed her laptop. "You don't write all the scripts alone, do you?"

I saw her grimace as she placed her laptop on the coffee table and turned it on.

"Not really. I write a draft, they check it and change a few things. We have to agree on everything, that was part of the deal. I didn't want to let them change my whole story you know? I needed a veto right."

I walked closer and poured us a glass of wine and she thanked me after taking a long sip. We both sat down and I leaned my elbows on my knees to be closer to her as she stared at her screen. I knew I shouldn't bother her but I couldn't help it.

"I'm surprised you called me." I let out. "I mean, i'm surprised you asked for my help."

She glanced up at me and grimaced.

"The truth is, you're the fourth person I call." I raised my eyebrows, feeling a bit hurt, but tried not to show it. "There's no power at El's either, Harry and his girlfriend are gone to London and Julie wasn't answering."

"Oh."

"Sorry Niall... To be frank, I thought your girlfriend was here and last time I saw her she yelled at me so I wasn't too keen in coming here but I was desperate. Where is she?"

"She's uhm." I sat better and rubbed my eyes slightly. "She's gone for the weekend. Just filming an episode of a new tv show."

I noticed her face change a bit, her smile faltered, her eyes dropped and she licked her lips. I wished I could decipher what exactly that meant and she sent me a sad smile. Why did she seem disappointed in my answer?

"Dylan's gone for the weekend too. Just a meeting to talk about that new movie and all." she explained with a shrug. "Can't believe he'll be gone for weeks after that. And in Australia, too. What's so great about Australia anyway?"

I chuckled and shrugged. "Where to start?"

"I heard about how good the women look, you can skip that part."

"Is that something that bothers you?"

She looked up and her sad smile turned into an amused one. She chuckled and shook her head, grabbing her glass again and taking an other sip. I watched her and suddenly she seemed to glow exactly the way she did when I saw her at the bakery. It made me want to grab her face and kiss her. It made me want to take her on that damn coffee table. It made me want to fucking marry her.

"Naa, not at all." she admitted with a shrug. "If the person i'm dating leaves me for someone else, they were just not meant for me. I'm tired to be jealous and scared. No matter how I feel, if they have to leave, they will. It doesn't matter if I cry, or get jealous."

My lips parted at her answer and that's when I knew exactly what Louis meant when he said he saw her turn into a queen. She was the same Olivia I knew, that much was true, but the girl I knew was now a woman, and the way she thought was sexier than I thought it would be. That confidence she didn't have before turned me on physically but also emotionally. I was in love with a queen.

"What?" she wondered with a chuckle. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"N-No I mean, I just didn't expect that answer."

Her smile faltered and she looked back at her laptop, her fingers running on the keys quickly.

"You're part of the reason I think like that, Niall." she confessed in a low tone as she kept typing quickly. "I gave you all of me and you left anyway."

Something twisted in my chest and I swallowed the guilt that seemed to go up in my throat. She was right but that was a very painful lesson to learn, and I was the one who hurt her that bad. I always knew it but hearing it from her mouth seemed to hit me even more.

"You were never the problem." I admitted after a few minutes of silence.

She stopped typing and breathed in and out without moving, her eyes still on her screen. I wanted to get closer to her and take her in my arms but I didn't dare. In fact, I felt like I didn't have the right to touch her at all.

"You left, Niall." she explained, shaking her head lightly. "That's pretty much the only thing that matters. I did believe the problem was me for a very long time, no matter what everyone told me. But now, the only thing that remains is the fact that you left. If Dylan does the same thing, whether it's for an other girl or to be single, then he will."

"He won't." I just said, realizing that this fact actually hurt me.

"I don't think he will either." she agreed. "But I didn't think you were going to leave and you did. I mean, I didn't think I'd lose your friendship."

"I realize now that I was wrong but, when I broke up with you, I thought you hated me." I explained. "That's why I disappeared."

This time, she turned her head and we looked at each other again. I could see the light from my lamp reflect in her sad eyes and I glanced down at her lips when she licked them before looking up back up. She seemed so strong yet vulnerable at the same time and all I could think about was that I wanted her to be mine again.

"I never hated you, Niall." she whispered before clearing her throat. "That's always been my biggest problem."

I was about to tell her that I never hated her either, that i've always loved her, that actually, I was still in love with her and always would be, but she cut me with a fake smile and a shrug.

"I really need to finish this, can you give me an hour or two?"

I swallowed my words and nodded, grabbing my phone to check stuff online. I didn't want to turn the tv on in case it would distract her and make it harder for her to write, but I couldn't help and glance at her from time to time. Watching her write was always something interesting to me. She made faces, shook her leg nervously, licked her lips, groaned and grimaced... She didn't even realize what she was doing, and witnessing it made my heart swell with love. I could swear I  turned into a teenage girl whenever she was around and I could barely handle my feelings.

After exactly an hour and fourteen minutes, she groaned and leaned against the back of the couch, rubbing her eyes and yawning. I put my phone away and stared at her as she stretched her arms and finally sighed.

"It really sucks, but i'm sending it anyway."

"You're got all night, no worries."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes before bending down again and clicking on something quickly.

"My mind is blank. I'm tired. It's sent."

I grabbed her glass and filled it again before handing it to her and she smiled at me. We kept quiet as we drank a bit, enjoying the silence of the evening but after a while, I took my phone in my hand again.

"Pizza?"

"Fuck, yes please." she replied with a laughter, making me smile even more.

I ordered quickly and grabbed the remote to turn the tv on. We watched a funny tv show but all I could do was focus on the way she laughed. I was so happy she was there with me I could barely believe it. I've never been a firm believer of that but, was that fate? Was someone or something giving me a second chance? Or was I just seeing into this too much? Because when you really want something, anything can look like a sign of destiny, right?

"D'you think you can get us more wine?"

I smiled and nodded before quickly getting up just as the doorbell rang. I turned to her and raised my eyebrows, shrugging a shoulder.

"I'll get the wine, you get the pizza." i proposed. "My wallet is on the table next to the door. I think I've got a few bills left."

She nodded but rolled her eyes and left while I reached the kitchen, searching for an other bottle or white wine. When I walked back, I watched her as she turned off her laptop and put it away, replacing it with the pizza. I stood in the door frame just staring at her pushing her hair out of her face and over her shoulder as something stirred in my stomach. I never needed her more than I did in this moment and although I knew it was wrong, I knew I needed to find a way to get her back. It was not about winning, it was not about proving to myself that I could, or being pissed that she was happy without me, like Louis said. No, the reason was deeper. I wanted to spend my life making this girl happy, and only her. I had the deep conviction that not only she was my soulmate in this lifetime, but in every fucking lifetimes and alternate universes you could think of. We were meant to be. I knew it. And when she turned to me to send me a fond smile, I knew that she shared the exact same certitude.

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) ok so this may sound so dramatic but; let me paint you a picture: i’m responding to your latest message, sitting on the edge of the sofa. i type in “lovely anon” into the search and see this longgg post come up and i’m like uhhh... i scroll down and see the people you tagged and literally. when i saw @ lovely anon. i . cried . like full on tears. my brother goes “what are you doing” “she tagged meeeee” and he continued what he was doing and didn’t care LMAOO but i was so emotional? i love and appreciate you too and aAH IM CRYING!! you’re just really sweet and i didn’t expect it at all and it was really lovely to be a part of something :’)

the kermit pic sent meee but yes yes yes!! when you start uni let me know, lol i’m so excited for you!! let me know how it goes cuz i’m literally hype hahah & yes we will be in our sad corners of the world, missing england but you’re right it’ll be sooooo worth it in the end!!! and oH i’m glad you talk to them lol i truly thought you like haven’t seen them/haven’t spoken to them this whole time😭 that would’ve been awful!

also i totallyyy get what your saying about the english speaking thing. and idk why you’re insecure (well i *knowww* bc it’s not your first language and you’re studying it in college so yuh) but your english is great :)))

lol yeah that makes sense.. my mom took french in college and she remembers NOTHING HDJSHSJ (the fact that you wanna learn MORE languages i- ahh i so admire you.. you literally know so many languages🥺) yea i mean you know a bunch of languages bc you know the base of words lol, but i wonder if because you know latin it’ll be easier for you to learn french? oh- oh wait you said it’ll be easier HAHHAHA

THERES SO MUCH EXCITING STUFF TO TALK ABOUT HDGSJSJSL it’s so wild to me that you can’t watch chaos walking :( i’m a professional hacker tho so i’ll try and find a way for you LMAO (by professional hacker i mean i literally have gotten multiple free trials and i’m pretty sure the hulu police are after me bUT ITS THEIR FAULT BC WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE???) i mean the movie was good? and cute? and funny? but yea don’t think it’s gonna be the most fantastic thing haha AND THE DOGGO AWWW (i saw it again today- or my today lol, saturday, aND THESE OLD PEOPLE CAME AND SAT IN FRONT OF ME AND MY FRIEND LIKE ITS A LONG STORY LMK IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT)

SHARK FILMS?!?!! PLEASE READING THIS I HAD NO IDEA YOU WOULD LIKE SHARK MOVIES TOO FHSKSHSHDJDJGAJAYSJS ok so i haven’t seen any of the classics (i’m working on it) but i would probably watch jaws to laugh at it? not like that lmao but like comparing it. OKAY BUT HONESTLY I BARELY KNOW ANYONE WHO LIKES SHARK FILMS AHHH OKAY im adding “the shallows” to my watchlist bc it sounds super good AND SAME AHSJD ANY BODY OF WATER IN A MOVIE I JUST KNOW ITS COMING LMAO watch me not go in the water anymore after seeing that picture HHDJSJ

WHEN I READ THIS I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO MY MOM ABOUT THE MEG AND THAT SCENE WHERE THE SHARKKK JUMPEDDDD AND ATE THE OTHER ONEEEE AND THEN JONAS HAD TO DO- bro i cannot (i think that one is my favorite because i love me a bit of romance and the subtle romance hAD ME) 47 meters down PHEW could you imagine?? i try not to think too hard about it i’m like “don’t be dumb catherine, don’t put yourself in a dumb situation” (not autocorrect having “dumb bitch” ready i am not lying) and i literally understand... there is no other way to explain 47 meters down

i CANNOT watch horror movies, can’t can’t can’t, i literally hate them i cannot do it!!! the thrill is tempting and it’s cool in the moment but i cant lmao. i don’t have nightmares about scary things (for the majority of the time) but going to sleep i’m like oooohhhhhh shit 🥲 literally what you explained

music !!!! music !!!! music !!!! (u ever write a word and now it looks weird lmao) MY BROTHER DOESNT LIKE MUSIC AND ITS SHIT IM LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU- anyway, my music taste is all over the place i mean......... it’s crazy. earlier today i was listening to meghan trainor’s album “title” oUT OF NOWHERE, but just a few minutes ago i was listening to fall in love with me by earth wind and fire soooo lol .. megan is *chefs kiss*, i’m not familiar with stormzy🙈, harry styles.... IM SORRY IM THAT PERSON but i don’t listen to his solo music EEK i only listen to adore you... and not that frequently... the music video freaked me out... i like niall’s solo music a lot more, which i listen to a lot more. now. one direction. favorite. please & thank you. i have a playlist called “boy bands” and it consists of one direction and the vamps (obsessed with cherry blossom btw) but as you can see my taste is all over the place!! fr fr if i sent you what apple music has as my “favorites” it went from ariana grande to carrie underwood to glee (OBSESSED DONT LET ME TALK ABOUT IT) i mean please if you let me i will nonstop (hamilton HDJSH) talk about music all day😩 & NOOO UR MUSIC IS GREAT HAHSK IM NOT A BIG RAP PERSON BUT DOJA CAT IS MY FAVORITE!!

okay good, i’m glad :) i was just nervous that you did feel that way <3 and GOT IT HAHAJ healthy pressure is always good :’) my friend got me these pens cuz i love stationary and school supplies lol and was like “now you have to write something” soooo yea i feel that! and i saw you posted the ficcccccc literally so proud of you 🥺🥺 i’m trying to decide if i read it tomorrow or tonight..... sleep or a literal beautiful creation made by the sweetest person and is v v nice smut and college!peter and 4.7k...... sleep aint really calling no more.

GIRL ALL OF MY SENTENCES ARE TOO LONG HAHAHAH IN FACT THIS IS TOO LONG SOOO (also why am i 3 days late..😑) anywho it’s 1 in the morning so <33 lovely anon

🥰

oh my god the fact that you cried nearly made me cry too😭😭🥺🥺 (also, your brother LMAO), i wasn‘t even sure if you‘d see it but i immediately thought of you so of COURSE i included you <333

the hulu police lsjsjaiaik, girl i was ready to get a hulu membership when i wanted to watch big time adolescence and i couldn‘t find it anywhereee, and when i got to the payment it said i need a bank account that‘s based in the US or whatever. like bro i was about to pay you!! but i was forced to find it somewhere (and i did, on levidia,— not that i‘ve ever used it because it‘s illegal 😤 i would never!!! i‘d rather support billion dollar companies and spend my money on watching films that i can find for free 🥰🥰🥰 not

i‘ve found chaos walking online so i‘ll watch it som time this week!! also YES TELL ME THE STORY

okay so idk if you watched/are planning on watching falcon and winter soldier but i watched the first episode the other day and they were speaking french (just a few seconds) and I UNDERSTOOD SOME WORDS DLDJDJ and i was so proud of myself. i‘ve only ever learned french with duolingo lol (i only do like 5 mins a day and that‘s why i was so surprised that i understood some of it!!). and yeah apart from latin i feel like italian, german, french and english are all similar in a sense.. i mean obviously they‘re completely different languages but for example there are some grammatical constructions in french that i think i wouldn‘t understand if i only spoke english? so when i translate those things into english you can‘t directly translate them bc you say things differently, but when i translate them into german then it makes more sense to me. idk that‘s something i noticed so i feel like if you already know multiple languages it‘s easier to learn another language compared to if you only know one language and are trying to learn a second one. even if the languages aren‘t similar then i think you get the hang of it easier.

ikd slsjsjs also i don‘t want you to think that i‘m a linguistic genius or anything lmfao, like i‘m only fluent in english and german and i‘m just a wannabe (ew that word) polyglot sksj (yes i had to google polyglot— i do think learning ancient greek would be super cool tho? like imagine studying latin AND ancient greek, whew). and honestly i don‘t think i‘ll ever be fluent in another language bc i don‘t plan on living anywhere other than germany or possibly england and i‘m not dedicated enough to properly learn any other languages esp if i don‘t have anyone to speak the language with. but i still try my best and i just love language/languages as a whole so yeah i‘m happy & just learning as much as i can dkdjh🥰

(I guess language/linguistics are/is my passion (which sounds sooo lame lmaoooo) and the word passion comes from the latin word pati (i think💀) which means to suffer, and in german passion is called Leidenschaft which basically means suffering too, idk why i‘m telling you this maybe you know it already. but ok dumb fun fact, in german you can make compound words with as many words as you like, and the longest official german word is Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz which is a law for the monitoring of labels on beef... this is such a dumb fact but i think about that word like once a day idk why dodjsjsj so... 👁👄👁)

but i‘ll stop boring you with my linguistics talk because truly i don‘t know much about languages but i am interested omg i‘m gonna shut up now.

now water + sharks. (so in non-covid times i always go to croatia with my dad during the summer, and even before ever watching a shark film i was always kind of scared in water.. but after watching so many shark films wldjdj HELP Like you know when you go deeper into the ocean and you can‘t see or feel the ground/floor? anymore.. then i just start imagining sharks. like i can‘t help it i just imagine a shark sneaking up on me or feeling something graze my foot ABD I JUST START FREAKING OUT SSKJSHSJ. idk. anyway kdkdh i do love the ocean/swimming though but the older i get the more i realise how fucking scary the ocean is ( even if we’re gonna disregard sharks)

your brother... what‘s wrong with him? HOw CAN YOU NOT LIKE MUSIC LIKE WHAT THE FAWK

OKAY BUT SAME ABOUT THE ADORE YOU MUSIC VIDEO DLDKDJSJSKSLSLKSKSJSHSH and yeah i have to say harry’s style (styles lol) as a solo artist isn‘t reaaally my cup of tea, and i only like the popular songs from his second album and the first album is only good when i‘m in the right mood (haven‘t actually listened to it in a while though, but kiwi is one of my all time favourites along with only angel but i hate the start, like it takes 40 seconds to actually begin properly). i like mgk and because of him i watched the dirt which is a film about motley crue, and now one of my favourite songs ever is same ol situation and i‘m into rock now lol. +++ justin bieber. I had a justin bieber cardboard cutout thingy😭 i was the biggest Belieber on earth when i was 13-16, but i didn‘t like his last album and tbh he‘s become a bit weird lately, BUT OH MY GOD. i Listened to his new album yesterday and i‘m in LOVE with the song hold on

i really like niall‘s music toooo!!!! And doja cat 😌😌😌😌 And THE VAMPS OG MY GOD. i got to see them live bc they were the opening/support act for little mix and ajdsjskslslsjsjsj. (Also i love concerts, some of the best memories of my life are concerts, i‘ve seen nicki minaj live 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and justin twice and my heart fills every time i think about how excited i was, it was my first concert ever (16th of September 2016 😌) and i was the happiest person alive seeing justin drew fucking bieber (even if i‘m not tooo sure about justin nowadays)

i have a confession? Idk what hamilton is. I mean I‘ve heard about it and i keep googling it but i‘ve never watched it (is it even a film???? or like a proper musical? also pls tell me you grew up with high school musical. i have a few friends who didn‘t and it makes me so sad 😭😭😭 hsm is the best thing to happen to my childhood , the sooooongs— i still listen to some of them every week or month lool they make me so happy)

(Okay wait i was about to recommend some stormzy songs but you said you‘re not that into rap so i won‘t dksksjl)

What you said about my fic AHSLSLSJB (i wasn‘t sure if you sent an ask about it earlier? idk that might have been someone else, so if it was (and you‘ve read it already) i hope you liked it sksjsj i was...... unsure about it. and i have this reeaaallly long peter fic that i started writing in december and that‘s the only peter thing i currently want to write but also i can‘t because idk how to continue kddjj.) but I’m definitely getting back into writing i have a few blurbs that i want to write so 🥰🥰🥰

Oh and pls as soon as you read this let me know: violet or yellow? (it‘s just a tiny thing for my new theme slsksj)

[lordxgrinnyxboy]

rewatching tgm, wifi being useless edition 2/?

every time i hear puppet!Dea say “when a story is raw and real” i see Mr. Gordon Ramsey memes, they just scroll across my vision and there’s nothing i can do to stop it u-u

ngl im kinda in love with Mojo Puppeteer

the foot shimmy during this scene, like right as Ursus gets up off the floor Gwyn/Mr. Maskell does this little ankle squirm. u-u

foreaaaaaaaaaarmmmmssssss

love how mr maskell doesn't emote w/his face while puppeteering but ms. brisson's just facially so into this performance and honestly so's ms. onitiri

also love all the different bits of ribbon and such puppet!Dea’s hair is made of. several different textures in there

kay but the way he makes the prince puppet kinda bounce in place as he sings “only those three words could ever free me from the curse” it just makes it look like the prince is kindof adorably excited about this

im just now realizing that one part of the puppet is supposed to be the prince’s mouth and not his chin or something.

Dea’s soft “oh” when their hands touch

foreaaaaaarmsssss

Gwynlit always looks so shook as they step back from each other after the aging up sequence like he’s full dear-in-headlights (i know it’s ‘deer’ in headlights but he is Dear to Me so)

and really so is Dea for a second there

oh god her look of alarm  changes to a smile the second Gwyn starts singing. i need a minute.

i love these two so much

the harmony will never not end my life why is it so powerful

idk what they put in this song but every single time my aroace self is like “shfjshfsj play this at my wedding” and then i have to be like “wait.”

Dea’s adorable and i hope she knows how adorable she is

im cry they’re so cute they’re so cute i love these two

Quake is on it about letting ppl know entertainment’s cancelled due to the king dying Quake is ready Quake loves her job so much

oh so  the barrels are just there for Dirry-Moir and Osric to have somewhere to sit while Ursus tells the story okay

wait how quick did dude just throw on his Clarence costume and climb in the coffin that was. super duper fast

he’s literally offscreen for 24 seconds and managed to

holy cats how does he do it

wait also mojo tho. mojo had to put on his priest costume

wait also Osric and Dirry-Moir had to put on their Lord attire

and they say movies are supposed to be magic

just continuing to absolutely love every character played by ms. obianyo

love how they just. have trombones. 10/10

i mean i guess the costume changes aren’t super complicated like throw on a robe and a wig but STILL within 24 seconds? i think it’s impressive

oh hey jojo-as-a-random-lord is also here

ohhhhh is that why Jojo’s costume is Like That then? to make it easier to switch characters real fast? but no actually???

the hats on the lords tho. we’ve got Fish Lord, Bunny Lord,,, maybe some kind of Bird or Chicken Lord...

so it’s a Pig’s Foot that killed Clarence and the name of the holy relic translates to like, “pig’s flower” ...thematic....dots.......

oop there’s Only a Clown

ngl i kinda love Archbishop Kupsak. a weird dude.

would love to know why Angelica thought she needed to ‘make a law’ regarding traitors being brought to justice. just curious about her thought-process. heck she could probably have her own musical.

WAIT MS OBIANYO PLAYS THE TROMBONE. SICK.

wait hey, hey. hey. petition for ms. obianyo to play a FATE.

oh god it’s my least favorite scene

skip? no...but? no u-u

jojo apologize to the trash clown

scene too stressful

genuinely have no thoughts, head completely empty

CART SCENE CART SCENE CART SCENE

is that a bowl and spoon on th-

separate post separate post gentlefolks of the jury i

jaw twitch

okay but Dea gets this Look when Gwyn asks Ursus “who did this to me” she looks a little Surprised

does not react however to “who carved me into this freak”

the hand flex as Gwyn walks away from Ursus after Ursus Won’t Let Him Talk

oh Osric you absolute delight

beauty and the beast ii destroys me every time gwyn’s just steadily wilting but trying to hold on but he can’t and Dea’s so supportive

would love to know what Ursus’ take on all this would’ve been if he hadn’t been involved. like would he still be hell-bent on not letting Gwyn remember or would he have been more chill about letting Gwyn make that decision for himself

like on the one hand i can see why Ursus would think that maybe Gwyn would be better off not remembering, but also making him forget clearly didn’t actually help him suffer any less, it just gave him a different kind of suffering. He’s wrung-out tormented and Ursus can’t/won’t help him because of the potential repercussions of Gwyn learning the truth. which do include some Worst Timeline options for how that could go but. also include a few Gwyn’s Able To Move On And Live Well, With Or Without Ursus options so.

idk i just feel like after a certain point of seeing how Gwyn’s basically falling apart over all this Ursus really should’ve considered having that difficult Discussion bc that boy was Not getting better on Ursus’ Plan A

also the whole dismissively invalidating ur kid’s struggle is not a good look Ursus

i love him and absolutely believe he is definitely Trying His Best but he’s #Problematic_Dad for sure

that bit where Ursus notices Josiana as if for the first time and does that little bow to her oh my goodness XD

also him just trying so hard to keep it together in the lead-up to Born Broken. debating whether Ursus sticking his head through the curtain is the funniest part of this show. probably not but it’s real close

Dea’s so pretty and i love her outfit u-u

and her blue makeup

and her lovely lovely eyes like wow she’s Perfect

this girl is in her element and im fully convinced that in the version of events where Gwyn and Dea stay on as Lord and Lady Dea does some addressing of parliament or whatever, has speaking engagements, she’s all kinds of involved.

there’s tears in Ursus’ eyes during this bit and i don’t agree w/him but i do feel bad for him. he does want to do right by these kids but he’s just...it’s not working out for him because he can’t have it both ways.

i mean genuinely tho Ursus is so desperate to forget/bury/escape/move on from the past but in adopting Gwyn and trying to be a family and a fresh start for him...that shut down any chance of that actually happening.

no but fr Ursus’ face when Dea says “it doesn’t keep us safe, Father, it turns us against you” which is like. probably the exact thing he’s afraid of happening if they ever learn the truth.

*strums lyre* it’s a sad tale, it’s a tragedy!

Musical Ursus is fully a good dude who did one Stupid Thing and spent the rest of his life trying to control the damage only to make it Worse and then he died and i’m so! 😭

at the end of the second 30minutes but im keep going

Dea and Gwyn are holding hands so intently im feeling feelings about

harmonyyyyyyyy

ngl though i wonder if given Ursus’ “dear god, you pick your moments” and “who did what to you” if maybe this is something that’s just been festering and hasn’t been verbally brought up until the show’s events

“What do you want?! BLOOD?!” i mean u did script him as saying he wants to kill a man

“I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know” i mean technically that’s true bc technically Gwyn does know, he just doesn’t remember, which is pretty much the same as not knowing but ayyyyyyyyyy

would love to know what Ursus thought was coming when Gwyn said “I can only tell them what I know I am” like

wait no but “I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know” being followed by “I can only tell them what I know I am” idk how to say but oh heck oh heck oh heck heck oh no.

but yeah Ursus’ little glances at Gwyn and then the Turn as Gwyn starts to sing. i just wonder what Ursus is thinking just then

ohhhhhhhhh wait a minute now. stars stripped from the sky. the play on the lyrics from within Ursus’ show. the conversation they just had. is Freak Show (partially?) a vaguepost at Ursus 👀

no but the Wiggle before that next to last “watch me smile” tho

needs the backbend 🍹

hello Puppet Helmet Thing. i’ve developed a fondness for you, you unexplained and kind of weird yet near-infinitely interpretable element of the show.

and cutting here for length uwu