#the two things that are turning this into a bigger essay are 1) me being actually very disappointed in Burrow's End with how the players

[pagesofkenna]

i wanted to make a post about a thing but the more i think about it the more i want to say and it's just going to end up being a big ramble essay, so instead i'll just give the thesis statement, thusly:

as the #1 Ratgrinders Apologist (self-appointed), of course they're the final boss fight to the death. i expected nothing less and the people trying to make discourse about it are ignoring the entire context of this being a Dungeons and Dragons game

[theriverbeyond]

can we hear about your gideon eyes tinfoil hat theory 🥺 i love to think unhinged thoughts

THANK YOU FOR ASKING also i had an entire essay typed up for you and tumblr lost the draft. apologies because this re-do is Definitely Worse

my unhinged theory is this: Gideon has, and has always had, a fragment of Alecto's soul inside her, that lay somewhat dormant until it was "activated" by Harrow consuming her soul (and thereby also consuming the Alecto fragment).

bear with me: we know Harrow began to be haunted when a fragment of Alecto escaped into Harrow when she kissed her in the tomb at age 10. Harrow's individual fragment wasn't enough for the Body-vision to have sentience OR for her to, as a child, be sending out "I'm here!" signals that were trackable by the other RBs, so they were basically just hanging out.

HOWEVER. when Harrow ate Gideon's soul, two things happenened: 1) Alecto/The Body started speaking to her, protecting her, gained enough coherence to eventually becoming Nona, etc and 2) Harrow became a becon for the RBs, specifically Number 7, who immediately turned towards her to make a beeline to the Mithraeum.

This makes me think that Lyctorhood "activated" the Alecto-fragment in a certain way, and it makes sense to ME that the trigger would be that fragment getting bigger, via Harrow taking up Gideon's soul (including whatever fragments Gideon herself was carrying)

"evidence" (wild speculating) for Gideon having Alecto's soul under the cut!

1. the gold eyes

in these books, eye color is explicitly linked to what soul is in what body. this is a heavily important plot mechanic throughout every single book - it feels "off" for Gideon's eye color to be the ONLY time in the entire series where eye color means "genetics" and not "soul".

Gideon does not have a normal human eye color. the color is described as like an egg yolk & gold coins, and no human eye color reaches even close. This is further evidenced by how when Augustine and Mercymorn saw Gideon in Harrow's eyes, they thought Alecto had woken up. pre-NtN, this made more sense as The Body was assumed by the fandom to look somewhat like Harrow. post-NtN, we know that Harrow and Alecto looked *absolutley* nothing alike, and therfore these eyes are not fucking normal, they're weird enough that if you see them you automatically assume "8 ft tall Barbie Doll Alecto Woke Up" even when the body you are presented with is 5 foot nothing with black hair.

"Lipochrome... recessive" does not make sense even for the most basic understanding of genetics, which I am assuming is what is happening here - eye color genetics can get really complicated but colloquial understanding is that recessive genes present themselves when BOTH parents are carriers. John had gold eyes because Alecto chose him, but.... how would Wake be a carrier for what is basically Alecto's stigmata? it makes NO sense for Wake to be a carrier of the Alecto-specific, egg yolk kind of eyes

2. the emission

John and Alecto's souls are inherently linked. rather than being two seperate souls, they are more like two parts of continuous whole -- John hid himself in Alecto, and he hid Alecto in him. it's not even two puzzle pieces they are just layered over and continuous with each other

John, then, would very reasonable "pass on" a part of Alecto when he, ah. well. you know. blew a big load.

maybe the Holy Emission carried soul fragments, is what I'm saying

3. the two hander

Occam's razor posits that Gideon likes the two hander and is good at it because she is cool and buff and it was the option presented to her. BUT!!!

Nona instinctivly knows how to hold a two handed sword. Alecto has a greatsword with her in the tomb. Gideon uses a two hander. idk makes u think!!

[chaikachi]

I appreciate you so much for being loud about rg, despite all the unnecessary hostility this ship gets on a daily basis ❤️, it's my comfort ship and these two dorks literally makes me so happy 💕

Awee of course!!! 🥺💕 This ship means the world to me and I don't know how to be quiet about it these days even if I tried, as evidenced by the fact this answer turned into a whole essay somehow uwu

V8 was when i first really joined the fandom/RG and it was rough. I was scared to admit I shipped it romantically for the longest time because of all the discourse/harassment and I know I am very much not alone in that feeling. For the longest time I was scared to even draw them kissing lest it incite something. But ffs I'm over it. This ship is cute as hell, has so much going for it in canon, and so much creative potential in fanon. I love analyzing their story and somehow still discovering old crumbs even after all this time. Not to mention all the new crumbs this volume has given us!! Feels more like a whole loaf of freshly baked bread than anything else!

Every single argument I've ever seen thrown against the ship in the last 2+ years has been made in bad faith, is a double standard not applied to other ships, or is easily debunkable. Some of the loudest RG antis have a terrible reputation even outside of our 'ship wars', and it actually become so easy to not notice or let it get to you when you block without remorse.

I can't really speak for tumblr as I've gotten not-so-good at interacting with people here recently and feel a bit disconnected from the community (aside from the stray asks/tags y'all send me which I always appreciate 💕). But I know on twitter we've had a handful of new artists and vocal shippers come out of the woodwork in light of the new volume that are flooding the tag with positivity, memes, and creations every day. I've seen multiple rival shippers admit that they have to 'prepare for when rg is canon' and they genuinely believe it. We've even got a few bigger RWBY youtubers standing up for us and shutting down that discourse when people try to stir the pot.

Also numbers aren't really indicative of anything on tumblr when reblogs are more scarce than ever, or on twitter where the algorithm is anyone's guess, but there are some rosegarden posts on this site from 2017 that hit over 4k notes. Some of my own rg pieces on other platforms breach 1-2k. Heck, even some of the metas that I have cross posted to twt have hit more than 600 likes.

There are so many rg shippers out there. And what I am seeing with v9 is a few things. First, any people joining the fandom anew that aren't aware of all the discourse fall into RG pretty easily without that bias being pushed on them.

And second, that when we are loud and we are enthusiastic and we are kind to each other... when we foster healthy and approachable community, that is how we tune out all the negativity, and that is when we have the most fun.

So i'm glad you appreciate all my yelling, and I am not trying to pressure anyone into speaking out or participating if they don't have it in them... but this is a very friendly reminder is always room for more of us out here 💕🌹🌲

[ophiespeaks]

Can you please go over this?🥹 I've been agonizing over what to do about making Anakin NOT join the empire. I also can't decide if I want the clone wars to happen or not😭

omg so y’all are gonna hate me but i’m shifting for the sequels…but i promise it’s not that bad!!! i’m actually changing like pretty much the entire plot and only salvaging characters and very small additions! i saw this youtube video essay that someone gave ideas for a bunch of ways the sequels actually could have been good that the directors just didn’t do, and i’m stealing some of those. the main one is instead of it being the New Order VS New Republic, there’s a secret even bigger third threat that forces both sides of the Force to work together so the universe isn’t destroyed. i LOVE theatrics apparently!

i’m personally down bad for kylo ren so i can sorta still answer this ask because they’re so fundamentally similar of characters! also, i love star wars, so i’ve definitely thought about Anakin not becoming sith and how that would play out!

i think force visions are very underutilized. it’s a canonical part of the universe that we know Anakin DOES have, because it’s part of the reason he turns to the dark side anyways (he sees himself slaughtering the younglings). i think just scripting that he doesn’t turn to the dark side is a good safety net, but if you wanted to make it more “realistic” in a sense, you could definitely have him get a force vision of you or obi-wan or his mom dying or getting hurt over his actions, which would make him more apprehensive towards the dark side. yes, those visions were most likely sent by palpatine to convince him to join the dark side, but i think an authentic vision of what would happen if he turned to the dark side would keep him wary to the idea.

i also think if anyone got between anakin and palpatine early enough that he wouldn’t be so delusional. maybe script you know/find out palpatine is a sith lord early-on, and the Jedi become aware of it. If you want to be the main character (i totally do this 😭) you can have the council assign you to go spy on palpatine instead of anakin, which would break their bond and make him less likely to fall to the dark side.

Anakin is also literally the chosen one, so he’s meant to bring balance to the force. i personally think the wording of the prophecy doomed him from the start. because, as we learn from Yoda— there’s always two sith. a master and an apprentice. after darth maul was killed in ep. 1, Palpatine needed a new apprentice anyway. And, if he could convince a Jedi Padawan to join the dark side, that would be a double success. The way the force needed be balanced at that moment was with the sith taking on a new apprentice, not by the Jedi defeating the sith like they thought the prophecy meant. So, I think another good way to establish a realistic reason for Anakin not being swayed could be instituting another sith apprentice for Palpatine after darth maul, or simply having it that maul escaped the fight with qui-gon and obi-wan. If palpatine has an apprentice, and Sith come in pairs, he has no need for Anakin Skywalker to become a sith.

On the topic of the clone wars, i mean, you can absolutely do whatever you want. i would just remind you that it is a war— clones, droids, etc. are going to die. if you do want the clone wars included in your dr i would definitely put up some safety nets in your script! things like “i will never be in a position where i have to kill someone” or “broken droids are later fixed” so you don’t feel bad about taking them out! but at the end of the day it’s really up to you! the clone wars come with so many interesting stories and characters, but you also have to remember that it is still a war at its core, even if it is a space war with lightsabers and funky little droids! leaving it in or taking it out both kinda have their ups and downs. if you script, i would add some safety features just to resolve your own worries. if you don’t script that’s also perfectly fine, your subconscious knows what you want and will have it there for you in your dr!

i hope any of this helped! thanks for the ask :)

[silver-wield]

I want to wash my eyes, today I saw for the first time the indoctrination files c/rith gives to their audiences. I saw a new player waving it around as proof. Selected ultimania quotes and of course, essays. I like how they write down ways to argue with clotis and zeriths. Such as, "if they say C isn't himself as soldier C, tell them A is the only one who can bring out the "real" him as shown in part 1". They keep repeating the "real" part again and again and trying to emphasize the appeal of the crackship which is ~healing~

No wonder they thrown toriyama away for directly stating C only shows his real self with T ONLY and unlike them I'm not going to put " marks on the word real. And no wonder they hate T with a burning passion because she actually does heal him.

If they include AC and say she heals there? First, C's ultimately the one who forgave himself of his guilt, let's not forget that because they like to erase that part and that everyone, T, A, and Z are part of that process of reminding him that it has to be him. And geostigma is her direct responsibility as a steward of the planet nothing singled out there.

They like to manipulate and rely on the player's laziness to look for information (what are they? Fucking Jenova?). Even to give ways to "fight" back. No wonder they all sound the same. Ugh I just realized the existence of LTD and ship wars in FF7 is giving the illusion that nothing is canon even if CT have more sources than any other ship in FF franchise. It gas lights them into thinking nothing is canon even if it's quite literally right in their faces.

P.S. I fcking hate with a burning passion how anybody gives interpretation essays as proof. Or media tropes and fan service as proof of canon. No wonder sometimes I see some former C/As getting angry at their creators because what they have are only interpretation instead of in game content.

Yeah they all have this weird shared doc they use to argue from that's basically just more lies and bullshit because it's all incorrect info and shit translations they skewed in their favour.

At no point does it say anywhere that aeri brings out Cloud's real self.

It's this quote they lie about. They claim Cloud being "conscious" is him being his real self while Tifa wants a soldier or whatever garbage they make up to ignore the proper text.

I could go into a whole thing over AC using the script and ultis to show what those idiots claim is total bullshit, but the short version is Aerith didn't do fuck all except trigger Cloud's trauma. She wasn't actually present for most of the film, even in the scenes she's shown in, and she didn't cure geostigma.

Ideky the devs put those stupid ribbons on everyone for someone they knew for three weeks two years previously. It makes no fucking sense to be mourning still.

I really want a rewrite of AC. It needs fixing so badly.

I'm honestly so tired of people acting like Aerith is bigger than god and nobody's allowed to say anything bad about her. She's not even a good character. She's selfish, spoiled, her job role in battle can literally be taken by every other character, she doesn't listen to anyone, whines, acts like she's the leader and everyone should do what she says because she exists, she harasses Cloud in ways that are so not ok but because she's a girl and "cute" she's somehow exempt from consequences, and people constantly put their feelings on her feelings alone on Cloud and turn him into a two timing pos douchebag because they and she refuse to fucking listen to the literal protagonist.

I'm actually annoyed we're stuck with her for the entirety of Rebirth. I was hoping we'd get rid of her halfway through at the most, but nauuu we get 40hrs of stupid ass sidequests that include flower picking because the devs think that's good content and one way or another they will make us put up with her.

Well, I ain't putting her in my party and I ain't doing her shitty sidequests, and lucky me, idgaf about trophies so it won't even matter that I don't platinum the game 🤷

[joysmercer]

the rosa essay seems super interesting if you'd ever like to post it!

ok i dug it up again just for you, anon !! turns out it's less of an essay and more of a post-7x04 thoughts/rant post but tbh i still stand by it 🤷‍♀️ under the cut ->

Rosa and Jocelyn Breakup / Post-7x04 Thoughts

I hated it.

The show has a pattern of frequently showing their LGBT couples (Kevin/Holt and Rosa/Jocelyn) in the middle of a conflict, including (multiple) occasions where there is an imminent threat of divorce/breakup, while the straight couples rarely fight, if at all. Like Rosa/Jocelyn, Terry/Sharon and Charles/Genevive aren’t central to the show at all; yet, unlike them, Rosa and Jocelyn only got about 1 minute of “happy” moments on-screen over the course of 2 episodes (which is minuscule compared to what we got when Rosa was with Pimento, and even when she was with Marcus). The show is coming closer to its end, and I had hoped that we would get to see Rosa fall in love and get married—or, at the very least, be in a stable relationship—by the time it did. However, this new development makes that harder to expect, especially considering that Stephanie Beatriz said in an interview that we shouldn’t be “expecting many more tidbits about Rosa’s personal life” this season (x). 

This also ties into a bigger pet peeve of mine about the direction of Rosa’s character progression over time. She showed so much potential for professional growth early-on, but they just dropped it to the point where we don’t even know what her aspirations are anymore. She started off Season 1 getting an offer of captaincy, which is an unrealistic jump but does show that she has the capability to hold these positions—and if the posting wasn't in the middle-of-nowhere, she may have even taken it. In season 2, she’s selected to lead a drug task-force over everyone else in the squad specifically due to her leadership skills.

And then, suddenly, nothing more. Amy’s preparing for the sergeant’s exam, and the only thing Rosa’s shown chasing after is a position with Hawkins. It’s for a good reason, by the way, but she could have easily added something like “working with her will help me when I apply to become ____” or something to that effect, but she didn’t. After prison, nearly all of her plots involved Game Night or the repercussions of that. I understand and appreciate her coming-out storyline (there are no complaints there), but I wish they developed her story more in other aspects as well.

And they certainly could have. She wasn’t in the A-plot of ANY of the non-format-breaking episodes last season, while every other character had at least 2 episodes (even Hitchcock and Scully, who are never in the A-plot, had 1). I can’t help but get the feeling that they’re neglecting her character growth after the whole coming-out thing mostly resolved in 6x06.

So when Rosa said she and Jocelyn broke up, I was pretty upset. It was the ONE bit of development we got last season (aside from the whole “dating-two-people-at-once” debacle, which was pretty problematic), and they’re getting rid of that, too. I’m genuinely afraid that her role this season is just going to be reduced to her being Amy’s confidante through this whole Trying business, and it just makes me sad.

[cru5h-cascades]

2023: A Year That Existed (Wrapping Up the Year)

Hey everyone! Now with xmas outta the way practically nothing else is really happening this year except for New Year's Eve, which means 2023 is another year in the books!

Here's a highlight reel of the year in order (sort of idk):

January - My track Blissful Ecstacy gets frontpaged on Newgrounds and a month later gets noticed by luminoghost himself!

February - The Splatoon 3 Expansion Pass gets revealed to the world, launching me as well as others into speculation on whatever the hell Side Order's plot is gonna be, a state of insanity that would last until Spetember (unless if you're like me and found out about the leaked Side Order files that were datamined sometime in the summer!)

March - Wave 1 of Splatoon 3's Expansion Pass comes out alongside Fresh Season 2023. Anyways, Cereza and the Lost Demon came out and boy was it hella fun to play!

April - My birthday was on the 13th and we also had the Zelda splatfest that month, which was pretty neat :D. Also, Cult of the Lamb's first major content update came out. I wouldn't be able to actually play this thing until a few months later because of some bug connected to the reclics room.

May - Tears of the Kingdom came out and I'd end up spending a month plus away from S3 trying to finish the game.

June - The disapointment of a season known as Sizzle Season 2023 comes out and I'm still working on TotK, only finishing it halfway through the month and then finally experiencing Sizzle Season myself shortly after finishing TotK. Also, school went out for me that month :D

July - It was either this month or August where we got the summer nintendo direct. Still no Side Order, but we got the announcement of Princess Peach Showtime tho!

August - School started up again and it felt like being dragged back to hell. Bomb Rush Cyberfunk, formerly known as the Jet Set Radio 3 that never was, came out but I didn't get to play until September.

September - A bombshell hits the Splatoon community shortly after the catastrophe known as the fallout after Shiver v Frye v Big Man as a full trailer for Side Order comes out in the September direct, revealing that Agent 8 would be returning to the game, Pearl has been turned into a drone, the Inkopolis Square we play in isn't the actual Inkopolis Square but a replica of it, and most importaintly DEDF1SH WOULD BE AN IMPORTAINT CHARACTER IN THE DLC. Also I consumed as much media related to Dear Evan Hansen this month for some reason.

October - Spooky month. Nothing much happened this month besides me ending my long running Hellbent Concept OST series tbh so moving on...

November - My track Hellfish Heretic would get frontpaged on Newgrounds and Scott Pilgrim Takes Off released on Netflix.

December - To cap off the entire year I basically turned into a full fledged victim (the Killers fan) by listening to a bunch of their music & listening to video essays on folks tryna piece together the story of the Murder Trilogy, even doing so myself over here on tumblr some time ago. Also I finally played Deltarune and I'm currently starting Undertale (now I have to unlearn everything I did in Deltarune just so I can play Undertale lmao).

This year didn't start off that great for me, but it eventually improved as the months went by, to be honest. Got two more tracks on the front page of Newgrounds, my art improved a bunch over the past year for the most part, and I've gotten a few more followers across all my socials (not a lot but it's something!), so this year wasn't too bad.

Now, what am I gonna do in the next year when it comes to my own content? Well, of course I'm gonna continue with my usual writing pieces, art, music, ect., but I'm also gonna throw in some extra bigger projects into the mix as well! Because Side Order comes out next year, I'll be starting finally writing my Splatoon OCs' Side Order arc stories (I've been teasing the arc for a while now), as well as reworking and finally writing other stories about my OCs as well. Also, I plan on starting a seperate blog for a story surrounding Ribbon & WD sometime next year! The story is being worked on right now and I plan on structuring the blog as part ask blog for Ribbon & WD and part comic sorta thing, so something similar to that one fannmade Splatoon comic #14 crush.

Anyways, hope y'all had a great year and I hope y'all have a greater 2024. If you've been sticking around my blog this entire time, thanks for being there to see my stuff. If you're just finding out about my existence via this post you should give me a follow if ya want :D

See y'all on the flip side (of order)!

Can't wait to finally play Side Order in a few months yay!!!

[purplesurveys]

1786

How frequently are you inclined to read, and how much? Pretty often but it's just never novels, or anything fiction really. I try to get an article or essay in at least once a week since it's only through reading that I get to pick up new styles or vocab for my own writing.

When was the last time you questioned the direction your life was taking? I'm kind of going through that since I have been feeling caught in the middle in my job for a while now. My promotions have all happened at such a rapid pace and a part of me wants to appreciate all these opportunities and of course all the raises lol; but on the other hand I am also extremely well-aware of my objective incapabilities of being a leader, and now that I've technically made my way to the top I can't help but think 1) someone else would be a much better fit in this role I'm in, and 2) if there are other jobs out there where I can go back to being a follower.

I guess this is 25?

What small things have the ability to get under your skin? When people are slow, and it applies to just about everything. Drivers who take too long to change lanes, people who choose what to order while it's their turn instead of staying at the side to pick, when I'm part of a bigger group and they want to take a group photo and for some reason the blocking/formation takes forever to arrange... all these things really drain my battery for patience I'm afraid, lol.

When was the last time you were caused to be upset with someone? I was just the teeniest tiniest wee bit upset with my cousin last night for using my car outside of the main reason I lent my car to him in the first place. Long story short, he drove it for errands when my car suddenly went through a hiccup and wouldn't start and he called us in a panic because now he was stuck in front of a drugstore on Christmas eve with a car that won't start. It made my family have to adjust and slightly delay our dinner plans since we had to drive to him and jumpstart the car. It was honestly a hassle lol, especially on Christmas eve, but at the end of the day I still mostly felt bad for him since it must've been scary being stuck at the highway with a hiccup-y car that wasn't even his.

What is something small that has the ability to cure a bad mood? When I check on my dogs for comfort during said bad mood and they immediately hand over their toys to play fetch.

What beverage is best capable of quenching your thirst? Cold water.

What was the last big change through which you went? Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? The last big change(s): A massive work promotion, my two superiors simultaneously resigning, and the onboarding of a new business director under my unit (aka my new superior) who happens to have no prior knowledge or experience of PR.

The adjustments have been heavy and real and I'm going through the difficult process of accepting the fact that at this point I'll have to hand-hold both my teammates and the new superior. It's like playing a human tug of war and I'm the rope, haha.

No, I typically don't deal well with change. I like having structure and while I have learned to professionally adjust to PR being a change-heavy line of work, I still ultimately find comfort in routine. That's why Bea and Trina resigning has pretty much shaken my world and I'm still struggling to keep my head above water.

How do you feel after spending a great quantity of time online? I feel a bit inadequate, almost pathetic lol. When I reach that point I automatically put my phone down, leave it in my room, then find something else to do for a few hours.

What do you consider to be the biggest drawback to being you? Just the fact that I feel like the sun is setting with my time in my current company, but at the same time I also still don't really know where to head next. Feeling directionless in that regard has been more frustrating than I ever thought it would be.

What do you consider the best part of being who you are? I'm resilient, and, apparently, capable.

What kinds of things do you have on display in your room? I had my room completely remodeled a year ago so that it allows me to display all my BTS merch. Right now though we're right smack in the middle of the holidays, so I currently have a ton of paper bags with gifts that I'm not quite sure how to display around my room yet.

What do you think your room and its contents say about you, if anything? It says I am a K-pop fan who is willing to spend money on anything and everything related to her favorite group.

When was the last time you felt insecure about something/some situation? Currently.

Do you ever stop to contemplate infinity? Sure. Mostly about the universe – how big it can possibly be, how many other planets are out there, how many other livable planets are out there, who else in this giant ass map is living in this timeline, etc.

Are you comfortable amongst nature, or does the wilderness discomfort you? It depends, but I'm in the belief that if there's even just one thing that bugs me about nature then I don't really get to say that I'm comfortable in it – if that makes sense? Hahaha. That said there are a couple of things that I don't really like, like the mosquitoes, the no electricity and spotty cell signal... being in nature is great as a staycation, but I don't think I can live in it altogether.

When was the last time someone or something caught you off guard? Last night. The priest's Christmas homily was SO short I was dying trying not to laugh when I realized he was done within like 4 minutes and the commentator was already signaling for us to stand up so we can proceed to the next part of the service. I felt like the grand winner of the night HAHAHAHA

How much time do you put into maintaining your appearance and hygiene? Continued from last night. It's definitely less than average in that I'm not interested in makeup, use skincare stuff, or book appointments for my nails or whatever. But I also certainly don't neglect myself – it's just that I prefer really only going with the bare essentials; like when I go out I make sure my hair is tied properly or that my outfit's colors match and such.

Are there any foods you eat daily? Or wish you could? Rice.

When was the last time someone new entered your life? What was your first impression of that individual? My cousin's boyfriend. He's very friendly and we were able to bond pretty quickly because apparently he works in the ASC. Makes a mean gin and juice tower too.

Do you put much thought into your handwriting? I guess so. If I'm writing something and am not happy with how my penmanship turned out, I usually wouldn't hesitate to give it a second attempt (or third, or fourth...) until I'm finally satisfied.

What are some of the top priorities in your life right now? Getting settled in my new role, especially now that Bea has legit legit resigned and will be stepping out effective January 1st. And figuring out where to go next career-wise because I don't plan on staying long in said new role.

In general, how do you feel about romantic relationships? I wish it could be more normalized that it's not always for everyone. People my age get so bugged when they get asked when they plan on getting married or having kids, but they should also realize that they also get as intrusive when they ask me why I'm not dating or why I don't like dating or being in a relationship.

Which emotional sensation inconveniences or bothers you the most? Probably the anxiety/restlessness I get when I send an urgent message and the other person takes forever to respond. When that happens I put my phone away first and try to distract myself by doing something else – and while it mildly helps, it also doesn't completely take out the anxiety until they reply.

Are you capable of consoling others in their grief? No, and I'm not the type of person to actively console someone in grief because you never really know what they need at the moment; and from my own experiences, people usually want to be left alone. For the most part I leave a message for them and kinda just be on standby in case they want to talk.

Do you ever find it awkward to compliment another being? No, I quite like giving compliments. It's me who isn't so big on receiving them because I never know how to react, lol.

When was the last time you had a new experience? What was it? Last week at our Christmas party when I was a runner-up for best costume and had to do a runway pose thing because it was how they were going to determine the winner. I'm a selective extrovert, and performing in front of an audience beyond public speaking is NOT a comfortable situation for me haha. That said I bombed it on purpose so they can pick a winner and I can get out of the stage ASAP.

Do you dress more for yourself, or to the expectations of others? I wear what I like but I also make sure it's presentable for everyone else.

What kinds of things tend to stress you out? They're all work-related things. Outside of that, I guess unexpected emergencies? I don't exactly deal with them well; like if my car suddenly won't start I will 100% panic and call for someone to ask if they can come for me.

What is one way you cope when you feel like crap? YouTube YouTube YouTube all the way.

Name an insult you regularly receive, if there is one? Fortunately I am not insulted on the regular, at least not anymore.

Name a site that takes up a lot of your time Reddit.

What is something you used to believe about life that you no longer do? That I can keep throwing myself into work until the day I retire and easily ignore the stress because as long as I'm earning money I will be happy. That was me in college and it's the most naive I've been.

What is a lesson you have recently learned? Book Christmas Eve delivery reservations in advance.

Do you have a tendency to look on the morbid side of life? Eh, sometimes.

When was the last time you went shopping? What did you buy? I went on a final gift shopping run the day before Christmas Eve for my aunt who went home as a surprise + Angela's parents. For my aunt I got her a handful of silver earrings, then for Anj's parents I bought a bunch of nuts because apparently they're obsessed with them these days hahaha.

When you shop for clothing, how long does it take you? Give me an hour at most, especially if I had nothing specifically planned to get.

What is something fun you have done within the past week? Bonded with my cousins from my dad's side for the first time.

What is something you hope you never have to do again? Be a finalist for costume contests and have to pose and do bits for the audience.

How does the rain affect your mood, if it does? It relaxes me.

[theloniousbach]

THE ART OF THE DUO at Mezzrow’s

EHUD ASHERIE/JEREMY PELT, 4 SEPTEMBER 2022, Set 1

STEVE SLAGLE/BRUCE BARTH, 14 SEPTEMBER 2022

RAY GALLON/JAY LEONHART, 1 SEPTEMBER 2022

SEAN MASON/GIVETON GELIN, 14 SEPTEMBER 2022

This has been a fun little run to see how the most fundamental jazz conversation can happen in so many ways. Mezzrow’s is descended from the Greenwich Village piano bar Bradley’s which was a haven for piano/bass duos. Well, Mezzrow’s has drummers sometimes and horns are welcome.

I had seen EHUD ASHERIE and JEREMY PELT’s second set in real time and so I lined that one up either for previous essays on drummerless bands or on the contributions of Israeli musicians to the scene. When the itch to write called forth both of those essays, I could return to their exploration of some deep gems of Great American Song Book like Maybe September and Got A Lot of Living To Do, but also Like Someone in Love and a transcendent Lotus Blossom. I’ve caught Pelt rather a lot lately and his trumpet is rich and relaxed and therefore always welcome. He sometimes mutes—and not just at Mezzrow’s. Asherie is a sympathetic and seasoned pianist with something to say—to his partner Pelt and to us.

Both STEVE SLAGLE and BRUCE BARTH are bigger players; Slagle stalks the stage rather like a prize fighter. But their set was just as conversational and balanced with standards like a textured If You Could See Me Now and compositions like Slagle’s Alto Manhattan which suggested his experience in Latin bands and the riffy swinger Open Air. But Nardis was both at the center of the set and the gig with Slagle taking it on flute.

Every Mezzrow show has an announcement about the front of the room being for listening and conversations are to be kept at a minimum. That generally holds, but poor RAY GALLON and JAY LEONHART had to swim upstream against an atypically noisy crowd. They are pros and it came off, but neither they nor I had as much fun as we could have. I catch Gallon at least every third one of his regular monthly late night gig, enough to remember his quirky tastiness in hearing tunes and his go to tunes like Ellington’s Harlem Air Shaft and an original, Two Track Mind. They too did Nardis (a derangement) that was fun, particularly since I heard Slagle and Barth do it the night before. They followed it up with a very composed original Zombette before How Deep Is The Ocean and Ill Wind which cranked things up over the crowd. This was the only piano/bass duo and Leonhart is a consummate swinging pro who doesn’t act his age (81).

If I started with trumpet/piano, that’s how I ended. Sean Mason has a regular late night duo gig, so I catch him from the archives regularly. He’s remarkably seasoned for one so young and that gives great promise for the future. His last gig, with tenor Chris Lewis was far less conversational than he was with Lewis the time before or as he usually is with Giveton Gelin. Usually these duos are conversational suites of tunes that unfold with the feel of a Keith Jarrett solo piano concert. Mason was back in that frame of mind and, if anything, Gelin was as assertive. The first suite was by turns spare and open to insistent and riffy resulting in a gospel-y inflection before settling into Blue Monk with plenty of stride-ish elements. The second suite evolved from Giant Steps to Someone To Watch Over Me (which he/they have done more than once) to The Theme (for which Mason really dug into its Rhythm changes elements while Gelin kept faithfully at the The Theme theme). Smart stuff and, again, Gelin has a nice command of the trumpet’s tone and range.

Nice tunes all around, but kudos to Pelt and Gelin for hearing their horns in this context.

[gilmores-glorious-blog]

can you explain the storyline in critical role for me? if that's too much, who is your favorite character in critical role (and why)?

ohhhhh anon you shouldn’t have gotten me started…..

this is going to be so fucking long i’m so sorry so! critical role is a show/company comprised at it’s core of eight friends, all of whom are professional voice actors, playing dungeons & dragons together. they have 3 campaigns, the third of which is currently happening, as well as many oneshots, talk shows, an animated show, and more. each campaign has a very in-depth storyline, but i’ll do a brief summary of each of them. campaign 1 is vox machina, a ragtag band of mercenaries who become dragon-slaying, vampire-killing, god-fighting heroes. the characters (in my opinion) are all very lovable, and there's some really great romantic, platonic, and familial relationships. it's probably the most cliche in it's representation of fantasy and d&d so i recommend it for people who like that. there's also an animated show of it on amazon prime with one season out and another on the way! no knowledge of critical role is needed to watch the show,, it's how i got into cr in the first place. campaign 2 is the mighty nein, a bunch of fucked up and morally gray people who make a really good adventuring-team-turned-found-family. there’s a lot more diversity in these characters in terms of species/race than in campaign one, which can be enjoyable if you want your characters with horns and tails and tusks and funky-colored skin. full disclosure, i probably know the least about the mighty nein so some of the more complicated plot lines are more confusing to me,, that being said, i’ve still watched a lot of campaign 2 stuff and i adore them a whole lot. campaign 3 is bell’s hells, who really are just some guys that accidentally got involved in something way bigger than any of them. they’re all so dumb and easily trusting and so very lovely <3 there’s some really cool character designs and concepts, which i love. they’re currently on episode 34 of this campaign, so it’ll be going on for a while longer (the other two campaigns are 100+ episodes), which can be fun if you like watching things live. because this is already a full length essay, i’ll keep it very brief on the favorite characters part… my favorite characters are the three played by liam o’brien: vax’ildan, caleb widogast, and orym. liam is just such a phenomenal actor and his characters are so sad and emotional and fantastic and yeah i just love all three of them a whole lot <3 every campaign has moments that are wildly funny and moments that will make you cry your eyes out… there’s also fantastic queer characters in every campaign (including but not limited to aroace characters, multiple ace-spec characters, poly characters, a prominent wlw couple, and a lot more). in addition to the show, there are comics for campaigns one and two, and a published novel with one more on the way. anyways. i’m so sorry for how long this is, but that’s what you get for asking a neurodivergent person about their hyperfixation i guess 🤷‍♀️ i know critical role can seem like a lot, and that turns many people off of it, but you really don’t have to watch the entire thing in order to be a fan. i’ve been intensely hyperfixated on it for seven months, and i’ve watched one (1) episode in its entirety. it really is so so good and such a fun gateway into d&d as well as just a very enjoyable group of people to help restore your faith in humanity and bring a smile to your face. i could not recommend it highly enough.

[familyagrestefanblog]

Analysis of the Family Agreste Portrait

Quarantine strikes again and since the Agreste family portrait has fascinated me for a loooong while now I decided to put my thoughts into words and write another essay x3

The amount of informations we get out if it is amazing and its not only highlighting the absolute TRAGEDY it is that this family is about to face such a horrible fall out, it also hints at the former family dynamic before everything went to hell.

So make yourself comfortable and get something to drink, because we will be here for a while.

Here we go: My analysis of this beauty of a fictional portrait

Let's start with the most obvious one: Hawkmoth.

Its commen knowledge by now that the background makes it seem like Hawkmoth is standing behind the Agreste family like a bad omen waiting for fate to take its course and cause their doom. The portrait is brilliantly designed so the illusion is created that Gabriels body (here in a blue suit closer to Hawkmoths normals dark purple one) overlaps with Hawkmoths and a darker line is connecting the two faces as well, which rest on the same height right beside each other. The very same line grows bigger as it goes further behind Emilie - coloring her entire background - showing us that EMILIE is all Gabriel sees when he becomes Hawkmoth. But notice that Adrien on the other hand can hardly be concidered part of Gabriels “sight” at all.

Its forshadowing 101 and damn beautiful if I may say so. But this isnt what I want to focus on in this post.

I want to elaborate on two other key factors that tell us about the former dynamic of the Agrestes instead and what they tell us about the present and future.

The heart:

This is hitting me on another level because look at the heart these three form with Adrien right in the middle! He was so LOVED. This family may have never been anywhere close to ideal but still, there was LOVE and now he's gonna loose it all.

Adrien already lost his mother which led to his father getting even more distant and cold and now his father is becoming increasingly more abusive as he falls deeper and deeper into villainy. Gabriel was never a good father, the show has already made this clear with episodes like "the bubbler", “the collector” or "Gigantitan" for example but gosh there was hope for their little family! The end scene in "Jackady" portrayed it perfectly and I wrote a whole other post just covering the sigificants of Adriens and Gabriels hug in that episode. Check it out here if you want, it goes hand in hand with this one.

Miraculous is all about love and the completely different ways it can affect us, our behavior and actions. Because love isnt just wonderful, pure and empowering, it also can be twisted, destructive and cause the darkst nightmares. And with this family the writers know how to portray the complex love in an abusive houshold thats destined to go up in flames and they also know how to hint at their troubled past with the family portrait.

But this heart visual tells us even more in connection with the positions of their hands. And with these two key factors, lets start with Gabriel:

His hands convey it so strongly. He loves/d Emilie and Adrien so much and no doubt this love for them was certainly the reason why he started his quest as Hawkmoth. But he is now losing himself more and more in the pleasure of his villainy to the point where he forgets why he's doing it in the first place and becomes a complete monster (of a father). But this turn and spiraling into villainy didn't came out of nowhere - this root already had to be in him to grow like that. And this is also something the portrait indeed hints at as well.

Because Gabriel is the only one of the three who:

1. We see so completely open and without hesitation reach out and hold BOTH his family members.

2. Is visually “cut off” from them as well.

But this doesn't mean he was excluded and the only one who truly cared and loved, it just shows that things were more... complicated...as usual.

This is best explained with Adriens hand placements:

One hand is holding his mothers but the other one is visibly not reaching out for his father. But as we all know, that's not because Adrien doesn't love him. In season 1-3 it is made more than clear that Adrien does not hate his father - he loves him alot and tries to be there for him and be patient because he knows that the loss of his mother brought his father terribly down.

Sure, Adrien gets frustrated and angry with him, literally how could he not?? But Adrien tries his best to reach out to Gabriel so they can bond and come out of this tragedy stronger.

But this loving willingness to forgive his father for the chance of growing a father-son bond with him doesn't change the fact that these two didn't had a bond prior to this. And let's be honest here, does anybody actually think this distance between them was caused by Adrien? I don't think so.

So notice how Adriens hand - not reaching out for his fathers - is the only one in the portrait NOT inside or forming the heart.

When the connection of the hands between the family members symbolise their connection to another, then Adrien keeping the hand for his father away from the display of love is VERY telling. It tells us very directly what this distance did to Adriens side of the relationship. Despite Gabriels hand being right there, Adrien does not meet the gesture. And I cannot believe that he did it out of resentment, nothing in the show indicated such strong negative emotions from past Adrien.

It's much more likely that Adrien not reaching for his fathers hand is meant to show us that Adrien felt that he either CAN'T return the gesture because he fears that it'll end in an unpleasant reaction from Gabriel - that it isn't Adriens "place" to reach out to his busy and distant father like that, like it's demanding something - or Adrien simply didn't took Gabriel laying his hand on his shoulder, in the context of posing for a portrait, as a gesture of love and affection.

The way I interpret the portrait is that prior to Emilies dissappearence Adrien did not exactly try to reach out to his father the same way he did from s1-s3, which, I mean, of course wasn't the case. Not only is it NOT the 13 years olds (or younger) job to form an emotional connection to their absent parent - when that’s the PARENTS job - it also wouldn't be necessarily "needed" for Adrien to do so.

Because Emilie at this point was still in the picture so and she was the complete opposite. She was a (or maybe the ONLY) safe, reliable and loving constant of parental attention, affection and care in his life and because of these two HARSH contrasts Adrien learned from very early on to focus mostly completely on her in that regard while kinda blocking his father out.

That most likely wasn't even an active choice whatsoever - Gabriel proofed to be an unreliable resource so Adrien learned to subconciously treat him that way out of self protection. That doesn't mean he had any kind of dislike or malice against his father it just means that he wasn't able or allowed to connect with Gabriel the way he needed. Several episodes show that Gabriel deadass only parented like 15 minutes tops in his life with one of the worst offenders kinda being “Gigantitan” ngl.

So yeah, when I see that the portrait wants to tell me that prior to Emilies loss, Adrien - a 12-13 year old at most - is THIS used to rely solely on the strong bond he has with his mother and not even really reaching out for his fathers love, then I can't help but interpret it in the way that... Well... Gabriel was so distant and emotionally unreliable to Adrien for all his life, that Gabriel simply... wasn't needed by his son. Not at that point of time at least.

And while this may seem weird, because obviously Adrien only now starts to stop craving for his fathers affection and approval (which is btw a horrible, HORRIBLE thing and not something good. A half orphan losing the last remaining hope he had left of having the chance to finally get to form a bond with the only other parent he has left, just to be crushed by disappointment and abandonment all over again until he let's go, is REALLY NOT as much of a good thing people will make it out to be. This is... plain awful) it's actually quite logical.

Adriens hand outside the heart doesn't mean that his father meant nothing to him and therefore refuses to meet and accept his affection (that's literally the complete opposite of what the show shows us), it means that Adriens and Gabriels father-son relationship suffers from a fatal emotional disconnection caused by miscommunication/ a lack of communication.

And this was caused by Gabriel. How? Let me elaborate on that by going a bit far afield (cuz lbh we all have time for this. I’m writing this in quarantine and youre reading this is quarantine, so lets gooooooooooooo).

In "The bubbler" Adrien says that his father "always forgot his birthday", but I cannot agree with this in true honesty. Gabriel is controlling his sons entire life, calls him "the epitome of perfection" and temporarily truly gave up being Hawkmoth for him, he definitely never forgot Adriens birthday.

"The bubbler" even SHOWS us that Adriens perspective of the situation is actually not the truth:

This is Adriens first birthday after Emilies dissappearence and it's incredibly telling how Gabriel handles the planning.

What this entire little sequence tells me is that Gabriel is completely and UTTERLY used to NOT be the one to take care of anything related to Adriens birthday. So Emilie was always the one who did it but somehow - now without her - Gabriel apparently still hasn't even considered changing anything about that nasty non-involvement and just expected Natalie to pick everything up where Emilie left it.

Because let's be real here, knowing Natalie she would NOT have forgotten to get a present if Gabriel truly had told her to. Natalie is never presented to do mistakes like that but Gabriel on the other hand IS definitely presented to us claiming things about himself as ultimate, blameless and true when they simply do not reflect reality. A great example: Gorizilla

You didn’t even speared a minutes of your time for Adrien and he DID try to! Asshat… It's a problem guys. The lack of self awareness Gabriel displays in moments like this is legitimately concerning when you think about how deeply this man is falling right now.

But back to the topic:

Because even if Gabriel didn't even consider doing anything himself for Adriens birthday - not even taking the time to SEE his son (who just recently lost his mother, come on Gabe, really?) - one thing one cannot hold against him: he sure as hell remembered Adriens birthday like any decent parent would and it wasnt portrayed as a this-year-for-the-first-time thing.

And yet Adriens statement still makes complete sense. Because a big, BIG problem with Gabriel is just how much he takes things for granted. He EXPECTS things to be universally known and to never be doubted, just because that's how HE sees them. I will write 10 essays if it's needed to make people understand that Gabriel DOES truly love Adrien, it's just that Gabriel HIMSELF is such a rotten, twisted and toxic person that he cannot see how much his (oppressing) behavior and the way he (doesn't) express his love hurts Adrien and that HE is the one at fault. (for more, once again, read this)

Gabriel LOVES Adrien but he takes the love he feels as such a matter-of-fact that he just completely... forgets to show it.

And when we take Adriens words and look at the Family portrait it unfortunately seems that...

…. Gabriel ALWAYS forgot to show it.

Adriens hand - that should at least be reaching out to his father - is outside of the heart in accepting certainty. Because that's what Gabriels non-presence was for Adrien while growing up: an unreliable and unreachable certainty he had to accept early on as safer to not try to emotionally depend on too much or else he will get hurt.

So yeah, Adrien is the one in the portrait who is very openly not reaching out but only because Gabriel never gave him the needed affection and stability to be able to create that bond.

But let me correct what I said a little earlier: Adrien ALWAYS needed his father. Every kid, especially one in a bad situation like Adrien, does need their parents/friends etc as support system to become independent and confident in a healthy way. And if they don’t have that they WILL crave and look for it!

What Adrien has been doing up to now IS normal for a teenager - humans NEED affection, belonging and safety. What ISNT/SHOULDN’T be normal is Adriens disconnection towards his father in the portrait and just how much Gabriel fails to take care and BE THERE for his son in BOTH TIMES!

Collector:

Bother Christmas:

One thing I like about the show is that it portrays their young main cast with one very important truth: The psyche of a child/teenager of their age will react and adapt so it SURVIVES, even if it results in unfortunate consequences in other relationships and places. Thats the psyches main concern and it'll try to cope with the limited experience and development it has in whatever way necessary to get itself to the next day. A coping mechanism is not there to make you a better person, it ensures your SURVIVAL, everything else is a secondary concern.

So seeing pre-show Adrien not react to Gabriels touch and even feel completely unloved and disconnected from him is no surprise to me. Kids are incredibly observant. They may lack the needed experience and knowledge to truly understand that they deserve better and to stand up for themselves but they are masters in picking up red flags in people and can put this danger into perspective while comparing the different danger levels of their options of people and places to adjust their behavior.

Feast:

Stormy Weather 2:

So the broken connection between father and son we see in the portrait (that Gabriel doesn't even notice but Adrien fully internalized) isn’t there because Adrien “didnt needed” or wanted his father, its because Adrien NEEDED Gabriel so much in his isolated upbringing but Gabriel didn’t LET him need him - so Adrien had to adjust to that accordingly. Big, huge, ENORMOUS difference.

Honestly the most miraculous thing about Miraculous is that Adrien was able to bring up the strength to stay positive and friendly and to forgive Gabriel in hope for a better future. That boys situation is 7 kinds of depressing and traumatizing...

It's just flabbergasting to me how well this portrait shows how basically non-existent their relationship was at that point. And it's horrible to know that this estranged and unformed bond is all Adrien had left after Emilie dissappeared, just alot worse because after Emilie incident Adrien states that his father changed alot for the worse as well.

So to think that all Adrien had left wasn't even this former basically non-existent relationship with his aloof father - who would only barely show his true affection for his son because he's either not around enough to do so or he thinks it "unnecessary to proof his affection" for/to Adrien because he already thinks it so obvious and undoubtable.

Well he thought wrong. And GOSH, it breaks my heart!

So now comparing the "Gabriel" hand from Adrien with the one representing his connections with his mother conveys a pretty harsh contrast.

Because last but not least, let's take a look at Emilies hand placements:

But here is now an interesting difference to Adrien. Whereas we openly see that Adriens side of the Adrien-Gabriel relationship is completely disconnected from the heart/love - showcasing just how badly Adrien has always been neglected by his father - we don't see Emilies hand in her Emilie-Gabriel relationship AT ALL.

Once again just like with Adrien, this doesn't mean she didn't love her husband and that Gabriel was used and fooled by the woman he so utterly adored. It just means that from Emilies point of view things were a bit more complicated. What exactly this is, the portrait is keeping secret from us. We have no way of knowing if and how Emilie is returning her husbands gesture. All we can say is that if she does she is definitely not doing it in such an open and unconflicted way as she does with Adrien.

But since when has anything with this family been this easy?

One thing the portrait makes very clear, Adrien and Emilie had a strong and good bond. Definitely the healthiest because the Adrien-Emilie connection is the only one depicted without any kind of disruption from both sides. Both mother and son are reaching out for the other ones hand creating a whole half of the heart, showcasing their affection for another openly and without any of the implied doubts the other connections display. And honestly? Comparing all the hand placements, the one connecting Adrien and Emilie just comes across as strikingly pure and true (which makes it even worse that it was HER Adrien lost…)

As I said it's a HARSH contrast to the one Adrien shears with Gabriel. This contrast is highlighted even further by the way these three face on another.

Emilie and Adrien are positioned facing another and so are Emilie and Gabriel. Telling us that Emilie was "face-to-face" aka involved with both her husband and son. It is Adrien and Gabriel were this looks wildly different. These two have no way of seeing each other in the eyes the way they stand now/then, further displaying their deeply rooted disconnection. It's portrays perfectly how important Emilie was in this family dynamic, because even though Adrien and Gabriel bearly had a connection at all they at least had Emilie as a link between them, keeping the family together. But then they lost her and where this left both father and son off we know oh too well...

So to collect all the informations we get out if this portrait:

-Adriens and Emilies relationship was the strongest and purest. Both of their hands connect and reach out for another in the heart, showcasing that they had a loving and positive bond.

-Adriens and Gabriels relationship is heavily scarred by a deeply rooted disconnection leaving Adrien feeling unloved and unwanted by his father to the point where Adriens side of their dynamic is outside the heart altogether. Gabriel may love and adore his son just like he loves his wife and never thought he displayed his love for him in a lacking way, but fact is: this love never reached Adrien the way it should have and Adrien is the one in their dynamic who got severely hurt and damaged by it.

-Gabriel was the only one completely unconflicted and happily at peace with the former Family situation. He's reaching out to both his family members with open love and affection in blissful oblivion that neither his wife nor son could return them the same way (to different degrees for different reasons). Gabriel was the ONLY ONE in the Agreste family who didn't saw problems in their lives and thought them all happy, hence why he's so obsessed with changing the past and bringing THIS state of their family back. He was happy and he had everything he needed and loved right with him, of course he wants THIS back. He's not aware that Emilie and ESPECIALLY Adrien did not feel the same about their former situation and that bringing all of them back to this is not the perfect happy ending for their entire family as he thinks.

-Emilie may not have been as unconflicted with Gabriel as he was with her but she is NOT feeling the same disconnection her son feels and isn't depicted with negative feelings towards Gabriel. Her side in the Emilie-Gabriel relationship is neither shown outright positive as with her son or outright bad as Adrien with Gabriel. Her side of their bond is depicted through her unseen hand placement in the unknown area in between.

-Despite their not so unconflicted feelings towards Gabriel - and Gabriel himself being aloof - neither Emilie nor Adrien are actively trying to cut Gabriel out. They aren't flinching away from his touch or exclude him from the heart whatsoever. He's happily included, obviously feeling loved. They may not be 100% happy and Gabriel doesn't notice it, but they aren't denying him his happiness and make him unhappy. Again, he's the only one truly happy here. Something neither Emilie nor Adrien tried to take away from him.

-Emilie and Adrien are facing each other as do Emilie and Gabriel, implying the presence of communication and a bond. Adrien and Gabriel do not face each other, showing their disconnected bond. If they could see each others face Adrien would have been able to see that Gabriels hand is a gesture of genuine affection and Gabriel could see that Adriens expression does not exactly display pure happiness the way he thinks. This also goes for Emilie. Emilie just like her husband is placed BEHIND her son, so even if she is facing him she would not be able to really see just how much Adrien is not satisfied and truly happy with his life at that point (meaning how unhappy being looked up, friendless and at distance with his father actually makes him).

- This fascinating family makes me sad and I like it lol

[icequeenbae]

Desert Flower (m) Ch. 1 | BBH

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader x Baëkhyun

Characters: EXO and X-EXO (not all of them mentioned)

EXO vs X-EXO dynamics, complicated relationships, angsty, action, smut (as usual)

Warnings: sorta mingling with your ex’s ‘evil twin’, mentions of blood/ violence (nothing too graphic… I suppose), Y/N gets teary a lot(?), explicit content, rough sex, unprotected sex

Word Count: ~13.5k (full), ~3.7k (Chapter 1)

Summary: Baekhyun, your beloved boyfriend of three years, suddenly breaks up with you and disappears from the city in an attempt to protect you. But leaving you alone and clueless means trouble will surely find you. For it is easy to spot a flower in the desert.

Masterlist   >> One >> Two (m) >> Three (m) >> Four (fin)

Author’s Note: Yay, this is happening!!! My first BaekBaёk, oml I’m gonna-

Ok. I’ll admit right off the bat that I wouldn’t be posting this any time soon without my lovely beta @baekshoney​ 🖤 She’s the person I turn to when I think there’s a million little things I could’ve done better, because that’s what I always think. I had to give myself a cut-off date to finally give up editing this 😅 So, I’d really appreciate it if you guys could share your thoughts and opinions on this too. My asks, dms and comments are places where you’re always welcome! Now, let’s get into this!

Tags: @blahblahblah-boo @baeklightsx @wooya1224 @baekklove

Chapter 1. The beginning of the end 

It was all too sudden.

The words he’d said deafened you. Refusing to believe what you were hearing, you shook your head and took a step back, as if doing so could start the conversation you’d just had over. Or rewind the time and allow you to prevent the words from coming out of his mouth in the first place. But he was firm, unyielding in his stance.

‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated. ‘It’s my fault. I should’ve known better.’

Than to start this relationship, was what he meant. That he should have avoided getting in a relationship with you altogether, and breaking up with you would’ve never become an issue.

‘Why?’ You tried to speak, but your lower lip started to tremble, silencing you at once.

This was all wrong. It couldn’t have been true, what he was saying.

He licked his lips, looking away, hands forming tight fists at his sides as he tried to recollect himself and urge his body to stay frozen on the spot.

That did not work for long – the sight of you, so small, so stunned and defeated, with tears welling in your eyes while you tried to stifle them… He couldn’t. It was stupid of him to break his act so easily, but you were too precious to him to just leave you like this.

Sighing and cursing himself out in his mind, he took a stride towards you and gathered you tightly in his arms.

‘I am sorry, Y/N,’ he continued softly, hearing you hiccup in his unexpected embrace. ‘But I have to leave. We- I should’ve stayed away from you from the start. Forgive me for being so weak.’

You sobbed at his words, shaking your head stubbornly and clinging to his broad chest as an act of desperation.

‘I can come with you!’

‘No,’ he interrupted your crazy idea. ‘I’m leaving you behind. To keep you safe.’

‘Safe from what?’ You questioned, half-annoyed now.

He kept insisting that he wished to protect you, but how was leaving you all alone ensuring your security? And why would you even consider it, when you only felt safe while with him?

‘I cannot tell you. The more you know, the more dangerous it is.’

‘Baekhyunie, please,’ you wiped the tears and grabbed onto his vest as he moved to pull away. ‘You can’t just decide this on your own!’

‘Y/N,’ he took hold of your wrists, not removing them just yet. ‘I know it’s hard, and I never wanted to hurt you like this. But there’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind. I’d rather break your heart than risk your life, so it’s not really a choice.’

He looked around as if to make sure you were not being watched, and then leaned in to place a farewell kiss on your temple – his favorite spot. You sniffled, realization of the inevitable setting in.

‘Just let me go, flower,’ his voice lowered to a whisper, and you sobbed at the pet name. ‘You’ll be better off without me, I promise.’

‘No,’ you protested as he freed himself from your grasp, and took a step back. ‘No, Baekhyun, don’t leave,’ you clawed at his forearm, trying to stop him. ‘We can deal with it together, we can think of something! I don’t want to be without you,’ you whimpered sorrowfully.

He shook his head, shying away from your touch, while you desperately tried to hold him back.

But you couldn’t. He gently peeled your hands off to walk away, and you missed the pained crease between his eyebrows when he turned his back on you to escape your apartment.

‘Please, don’t do this…’ You whispered, voice breaking in anguish. Just as your heart was.

Yet, Baekhyun kept walking. Leaving you to weep in the unwelcoming emptiness of your home.

Leaving you for good.

***

Your relationship with Baekhyun started almost three years ago.

Still new to university life, you found yourself in the midst of a soap opera worth of drama when a bunch of transfer students joined all at once, some even in the same year as you. All highly attractive, they usually hung out together and spent less time than needed socializing with the outside world.

Not that you cared too much – sure, the excitement going around was making you curious, but they looked too handsome, almost to the extent that you found it intimidating. Ironically, the most intimidating you found Baekhyun. His then long dark hair with strands of red and a mullet hairstyle, the sharp green eyes, the pierced eyebrow, and the lip ring that made him look like a very attractive hooligan... The piercings turned out to be just as fake as the eye color, which did not disappoint you at all.

Funny enough, you only got to know this bad boy because he took a liking to retreating to the campus library. Hiding from all of the attention, of course. While some members of his clique actually basked in it, he preferred to disappear to the remote aisles of the quiet space and read a book, or, more likely, sleep with one on his chest. You saw him like that often, since you were stuck in there yourself – essays for different classes were piling up rapidly. As a diligent student, you were determined to do well in your first year of university, so dragging yourself to the library to stay glued to your laptop was the best option.

Coincidentally, you also preferred to stay in the less lively spaces, as you tended to seek peace and quiet to focus on your assignments. Your attention span… wasn’t impressive, to say the least, so you did your best to avoid any distractions. However, you didn’t count on a certain sleep lover to be one of them.

It was not the first day you spent close enough to notice the tranquil expression he wore on his face as he was snoozing. It was, however, the first time he caught you staring mindlessly in his direction. Burning the deepest shade of red in your cheeks, you grabbed your books and quickly made yourself scarce, thanking heavens for the multiple aisles of books around. You walked around for ten minutes or so, actually placing your books back where they belonged and finding a secluded corner to check out what else was on the shelves. Squinting, you tried to read the name of the tome that had gotten your attention, and raised your arm to get it from the level that was clearly too high for you. Thankfully, someone reached over your head and helped you obtain the book. You turned around to say thank you but instead were suddenly pushed back into the shelf by the taller figure with neat red strands. Speechless, you only held your book close and gaped at him, as he leaned forward.

‘Ever heard about the cat killed by curiosity?’ He hummed, eyes piercing you from above.

You swallowed, knees getting weaker as you registered the fresh musky smell coming off of his brightly colored shirt.

To push your buttons, he decided to get even more scandalously close to you, arm holding onto the rack behind you to keep balance.

‘Nothing wrong with being curious!’ You jabbered. ‘In fact, if people preserved the curiosity they have as kids they would’ve had a much bigger learning capacity as adults.’

He huffed. You weren’t sure if he was shocked or amused, because your eyes looked anywhere but his face. In fact, they lowered enough to fix on your forearm, resting across his rib cage, and your fist pressing slightly into his pec to keep him at least at a minimal distance.

At this you gasped, eyes widening and returning to his face, only to catch an inquisitive spark in his retinas as he nudged the lip ring with his tongue. Sighing, he took a step back, finally allowing some space between you.

‘Can’t write a philosophy essay with this, little flower,’ he chuckled. ‘Or if you can… I’d be impressed.’

You looked down in confusion, understanding that the book you were holding was from a Botanics section. ‘The Oxford Book of Wild Flowers’, read the title.

But… How did he know about your philosophy assignment?

***

Only later had Baekhyun confessed that he had had an eye on you for a while by the time this incident took place, but the moment of your outburst was what got to him. When he looked down at your cornered form, holding a book to your chest so innocently, and keeping him away instinctively with one arm. He had to bite his tongue to prevent a smile from making its way onto his face. That was it for him, and even though he wanted to avoid you and keep interactions with you to an absolute minimum, he couldn’t help but find ways to draw your attention. Like that one time, when you walked out of the library because the loud noises from the outside made your concentration for the night crumble.

The source of that noise was, in fact, a certain convertible, blasting the music for the entire campus to hear. You would have come up to complain that your studying was cut short if you didn’t have perfect eyesight. It allowed you to see that there was a red-haired problem sat in the car, with a bare foot resting lazily against the panel. Ready to run the other way, you turned around, meeting a solid chest with your forehead. You discovered that it was a rather cheerful guy in the same year as you, Jongin, and the other one with him was Sehun. And those two stalled you long enough for Baekhyun to make an entrance.

It was the first time he tried asking you out. And got rejected.

However, as much as you wanted to take ownership of that and say that you were playing hard to get when you walked off and left him stunned by your refusal, that was not the case. This guy made your throat go dry at the mere sight of him! He was way too handsome, and he also looked kind of… well, he looked like he’d break your heart without thinking twice about it. And that you couldn’t allow.

But then again, good girls do tend to fall for bad boys. Or was he only pretending to be bad? You’d never heard anything that discredited him, except for the way he stared people down sometimes. That once happened to a fellow student in your class. After he sat next to you during lunch.

Actually, almost the entire week following that incident you had lunch alone because everyone kept making excuses to sit elsewhere. That was how you became friends with Jongin and Sehun. Having had a few classes together, you were more or less acquainted with each other, so you didn’t mind when Jongin suddenly appeared out of nowhere with a tray and asked you if they could join. He even had lunch with you when Sehun wasn’t around – you figured that it made Jongin even more chatty. So much so, that one day he leaned across the table to get slightly closer, and used his most clandestine voice on you.

‘You know, hyung could burn a hole in anyone next to you with his glare, but I’m immune to his ‘charms’, thankfully,’ he giggled and added, ‘Still, I think you should give him a chance. Baekhyun’s a good guy, and he’s kinda torn as it is. Asking you out was a pretty big step for him.’

Honestly, you had a hard time believing that. Baekhyun… was probably the kind of guy, who never even had to ask. You could look around and easily spot a dozen eyes that were fixed on him at this very moment. Why in the world would he want to date you, clearly not the ‘easy-going’ party type? He probably wanted to get into your pants just for sport, like the rest of the pretty boys.

‘Whatever you’re thinking, it’s far from the truth. Ugh, Junmyeon will kill me for this!’ Jongin cursed himself and continued, before you could ask. ‘Hyung looks rough around the edges, but he’s really a softie. Trust me on this.’

‘Are you his wingman or something?’ You snorted dubiously, getting a little timid from this discussion.

‘Ha, are you kidding? He’s gonna strangle me if he finds out. Like I said, he’s torn between staying away from you and persisting in his efforts to take you out. Just think about it,’ he ended with an attempted (but failed) wink.

As if to take away your chance to process the unexpected input, Jongin shoved Baekhyun in your direction the very next day. Disappearing from the cafeteria right after, of course. Envy his subtlety. But, apparently, what he said earlier had an effect, so you only nodded when a flustered figure asked for permission to sit with you. He looked quite different from the previous times you saw him up close – much less confident and intimidating. But he seemed sincere when he said he just wanted one chance.

And that was how your relationship picked up. It took a whirlwind course from the very beginning, and the hot summer before your second year of university was the most torturous time ever for the both of you. Still wary of getting played, you only trusted Baekhyun enough to get intimately close months and months into dating. And he was patient with you, going at a slow pace, letting you pull away whenever you wanted. Until you didn’t want to anymore.

That last leap of faith was a beginning in itself – a true beginning of you and Baekhyun. The final seal was broken, and you entrusted yourself fully to him, which he repaid by showering you in his affection and feelings that he himself had not come to acknowledge just then.

After a year together, you were not simply allowed into the inner circle, but also educated about the special abilities that Baekhyun and his friends had. You were first interrogated by their leader, Junmyeon, who wanted to make sure you had no ulterior motives and were not going to tell a living soul about them. He called it ‘a quick chat’ as he dragged you in a scarcely furnished room where he sat you down at the small metal table across from him. The leader asked you questions and tried reading your verbal and non-verbal cues, so it was clearly an interrogation. Junmyeon was pretty experienced in this, so he could instantly tell that you were harmless. And you also passed the test, answering the most ridiculous questions about Baekhyun – apparently, that was to make sure you were not ‘faking it’ – so, he accepted you into their family.

However, knowing too much was dangerous, so you only learned about their powers and how they came from the so-called EXO Planet when they were young (talk about dating an alien!), and that the organization they called ‘the Red’ amongst themselves wanted to hunt them down. They also used to be held hostage by these people – and that was just about as much you knew about the issue because Baekhyun kept you away from the ‘unnecessary details’. He only told you that they seemed to be hidden well in this town, surrounded by just enough people to blend in and disappear. And you worried, always, because you knew too little about the dangers surrounding the group, and even less about how you could contribute to their safety.

Baekhyun laughed when you once brought it up, finding your concern nothing but cute.

‘You don’t have to worry about it, flower. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe, not the other way around,’ he then said, playing with the curly ends of your hair.

You frowned at that. Why was it not your job to take care of him? If you could help, you wanted to help. But he always brushed you off, saying that the only thing you should do to help is staying out of trouble. Like that was a challenge – you either studied or hung out with him and his friends, not much room to stir trouble. The only other person you talked to regularly was your roommate, and she was also pretty harmless.

As time went by, you got closer to your own graduation, basically, one year left before you had to figure it out for yourself again. Your boyfriend was always supportive, but you couldn’t help but wonder how he imagined your future. He was always up to something but never shared it with you since it was ‘nothing for you to worry about’. Had he not shown you his actual abilities before, you would’ve certainly thought that it was a crazy lie he told you to cover up for some kind of illegal activity. In reality, some illegal activities were going on, especially since hacking and cracking was one of Minseok’s specialties (but mostly because they needed to keep their identities out of sight). Another reason why they didn’t all go to the same school when they arrived, and also why they changed their appearance ever so often. The lucky mullet was long gone by the time you had your first Christmas together, and you had had the pleasure of seeing him in multiple hair colors throughout almost three years of your relationship. Notably, the first dozen or so make-out sessions you had with him took place when he had just cut his hair and dyed it pitch black. And he still wore his fake lip ring at the time, which was an experience in itself. He did know how to use his mouth…

Admittedly, you were kind of used to being the object of the boys’ shameless teasing every time you hung out together. The way Baekhyun kept you close and fussed about everything was, apparently, atypical for their usually chill and humorous hyung. He was their second-in-command, after all, the genius behind the strategic planning of the group, and the mind that kept them hidden for so long in one place.

Because of you.

One of the boys had previously let it slip that they hadn’t lived anywhere for that long before, maybe not even for one full year. But this time Baekhyun was determined to stay for a while, now that he had an anchor.

But the day came. When he found out that they might’ve been compromised, he got scared. The way he’d never feared anything before. And he’d been through a lot, to put it mildly. Baekhyun could maintain a cold and sharp mind at all times, that was his thing, but not when it came to you. Once he figured out that there was a real chance, that they could’ve found the EXO hideout and, thus, could connect you to the boys, he couldn’t think straight. Overwhelmed by a sudden panic, he sought advice from the leader.

‘You know it’s not me who’s supposed to decide,’ Junmyeon sighed, looking at his disheveled second. ‘I told you a relationship wasn’t a good idea. I also think that keeping her close means putting her life in jeopardy.’

His words were cutting through Baekhyun as he paced the room, long fingers grasping his own hair.

‘But it still may be a safer option than leaving her here,’ the leader added, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘We need to relocate fast, and you have the ‘better of two evils’ situation on your hands.’

‘I know I should leave her,’ Baekhyun stopped in his tracks, turning his head to the leader. ‘But what if they already know, hyung?’

‘Minseok had every trace of her erased, not a single camera in town had a glimpse of her with you. They might have found our footprints in the sand, but those don’t necessarily lead to her. I suppose they should move on as soon as they come here and realize that we’re nowhere around.’

‘Most likely, but what if-’

‘They can very well catch up to us while we run. Like I said, there isn’t a right answer, but a choice. And I think that you’ve already made it when you should give her a voice, too,’ the leader pushed.

‘I-’ Baekhyun turned away to hide the glassy eyes from Junmyeon. ‘I have to give her a chance, hyung. I cannot sentence her to a lifetime of running and danger. And I know she’s silly enough to throw herself into it if she has a say in this.’

‘And if you’re wrong? You’re going to break her heart as a precaution?’

‘She won’t die from a broken heart. Can you imagine what they’d do to her if they find out?’

Junmyeon bit his lip. This time, the choice was completely out of his hands. He thought his second was making a mistake, but it was not his place to decide. Exhaling again, he nodded.

‘Tell her in the morning. We’re moving out as soon as the rain starts.’

>> Chapter 2

A/N: So, what do you think? This is more of an introductory chapter, I know, but it covers quite a lot of their relationship with Baek. You must be excited to see where this goes and when Baёk appears? Or if Baekhyun is coming back? Me too, me too 🙈

[renegadewangs]

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 12

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Let's bring this thing home! It's time for the conclusion of the essay series!

Conclusion With a stupidly long essay series behind us, it's time to look at what we've learned! Let's go back to Part 1 and review what we needed from Van Zieks's character development for a fully rounded redemption arc, shall we?

1) Present an antagonistic (possibly immoral) force who personifies Ryunosuke’s biggest personal obstacle/weakness, in this case racial prejudice. 2) Humanizing traits begin to show. OPTIONAL: A backstory to justify any immorality he has. 3) Over time, Barok has his realization and sees the error of his ways. 4) Barok atones for his immorality, not simply through apology but by taking decisive steps. 5) The cast around him acknowledges his efforts and forgives him.

And looking at the main game (plus additional dialogue), we have...

1) Antagonistic force:

Etc. etc. I have many of these. We can all agree that as an antagonistic force, he does his job quite well. CEO of Racism and White Privilege in the flesh. It works, since we as the audience get very frustrated and want to see him defeated.

2) Humanization:

Giving him an old friend to be a defendant was a brilliant move, really. Albert's reflection on the friendship and the person Van Zieks used to be really helped flesh him out and make him appear more like a human being with, y'know, emotions and weaknesses. The little snippets of dialogue in his office really help too. Presenting evidence can also lead to fun tidbits. All in all, considering how gruff and distant Van Zieks is, they really did their very best to humanize him. The writers were given very little to work with but they exploited every opportunity to come their way.

OPTIONAL backstory:

Again, I don't think we needed a tragic backstory to have a well-rounded, redeemable character. Still, it ties in very expertly to the game's plot and the motivations of quite a few other characters. The story of Klint van Zieks and his death isn't necessarily Barok van Zieks's backstory, it's the center of an intricate web which also holds Kazuma, Stronghart, Gregson, Jigoku, (S)Holmes, Mikotoba, Sithe, Drebber- I could go on. A LOT. So because of how very integrated it is into the main narrative's recurring themes and characters, I'll give it props for being relevant and well thought out. The bigger question is: Does it justify his immorality? Not entirely. I think the game could have gotten more out of this if they'd involved the other two exchange students in this tale just a bit more. They could have given more attention to how Jigoku's aggressive behavior in the trial impacted Van Zieks, and explained whether he might've suspected Mikotoba of sabotaging (S)Holmes's investigation. If the narrative had done that, all three Japanese people to come to London would have been ‘the bad guy’ in Van Zieks's eyes and it would have given more credence to his racial generalization. They could have also given more attention to how the people around him reacted to Genshin being the Professor, because I'm sure Stronghart and Gregson stoked the fire in terms of xenophobia. As it stands, there isn't really enough there to justify hatred of an entire race as opposed to just one person.

3) Realization/Redemption

We see him already start to realize the error of his ways around the end of 1-5, which is technically only about halfway into the full narrative. Unfortunately, thanks to 2-2 being played afterwards (but chronologically set before 1-5), any progress made in 1-5 can become invalidated in the player's eyes. Growth works best when it's done linear. Don't get me wrong, flashbacking to earlier times when a character is still more morally tainted can work well, but it needs to be executed properly. Barok's behavior in 2-2 is downright insulting towards the audience itself and therefore, it causes emotional friction when relaying the narrative endgoal of redemption. It also makes it extra jarring when we hit 2-3, and suddenly Van Zieks is meant to be relying on the protagonist's desire to expose the truth. How on earth can we as the audience trust that Van Zieks believes in Ryu's abilities when we just came fresh out of a case where this man actively sabotages Ryu's efforts?

Still, the line of redemption continues from 2-3 into 2-4 well enough. He admits that he was wrong- that his hatred was illogical and that he needs to change. This is the very definition of redemption. I need to stress once more this is not to be confused with atonement, which comes next.

4) Atonement

Here it is. It's not enough to simply acknowledge mistakes; one needs to work hard to fix them. Since Van Zieks is the defendant for two whole episodes, equaling roughly 20% of the full narrative and 67% of the time following his first true realization (chronologically), there isn't much that he can actively do to atone. Because remember, not only do these actions need to fit the situation he's currently in, they need to fit his personality. These two limitations ensure the atonement mostly takes the form of dialogue. Of apologies.

One might want to point out that he never apologizes specifically for his racism, but there's a reason for that. If you pay close attention, you'll notice that there isn't a single character who ever uses a word like “racism”, “xenophobia” or even “racial prejudice” in this game. It's for the same reason you'll never see an Ace Attorney character utter words like “alcoholism”, “drug abuse” or “depression”. These things may be implied very strongly, to the point where you'll know for certain a character is suffering from it, but it's never given these exact labels. It has to do with the tone of the game. In Great Ace Attorney's dialogue, Barok van Zieks is only ever described as holding “a deep hatred for Japanese”, which is then the only thing he could apologize for. And he does, so long as you aren't looking for a literal phrasing of “I apologize for my deep hatred of your people”.

Regardless, he can't take more active, decisive action until he's freed from prison and two scenes with Van Zieks later, the game has ended. He still manages to take two actions, though! The first is to publicize the truth of the Professor, taking the blame of the mass murders off Genshin's shoulders (and losing his own privilege in the process). The second is to take Kazuma under his wing as his disciple. I'm not certain there's anything else the narrative could have had him do. What is decisively missing, however, is the following:

5) Acknowledgment

The above aren't good examples of cast acknowledgment that Van Zieks is taking part in a redemption arc, rather, they're the best I could find. Characters are acknowledging that he's changing- that he's being kinder to them and they can get along with him now, but they're not acknowledging that he caused hurt in the first place. This, in my opinion, is the Great Ace Attorney's biggest narrative flaw. I've talked before about how Ryu's reaction to Van Zieks's racism is 'indirect communication', a typically Japanese manner of dealing with negativity. I've also talked about how Ryu is not in a position to speak up, as he's a literal minority who is there to represent his country in an official capacity and can’t afford to make enemies. However, characters like Susato and Kazuma are far more outspoken in their opinions, as is Soseki. The only one who ever calls Van Zieks out on his racism is the British judge, and even that is done very meekly. When an old crusty white guy is the one who condemns white privilege in a cast full of minorities, you've got a problem. The Japanese cast's refusal to acknowledge that Van Zieks's words were harmful is like Team Avatar telling Zuko that sure, he can join since he's a good guy now, but never once acknowledging that he burned down villages or betrayed everyone's trust in Ba Sing Se. There's something very vital missing, see? If indeed the cast had called Van Zieks out more actively on his harmful ways and how necessary it was for him to change, he in turn could have taken more atonement steps in response.

So, for the conclusion: Does Barok van Zieks tick all the necessary boxes for a complete redemption arc? Yes. In a very technical sense, all the requirements are there. But does that mean it's a successful arc? Not necessarily. The game has a few slip-ups, a few things not executed as well as they could have been. For that reason, whether the audience is satisfied with the arc is entirely up to them. Taking into consideration that they had to cram a whole lot of story into just two games- the second game in particular, I can acknowledge they did their very best with the limitations that were there.

And there we have it! That’s all I could think to say on the matter. I hope everyone who read this till the very end enjoyed it, maybe even learned a thing or two. I’m always open to questions, input and constructive criticism!

[mikkeneko]

decided to make a post for My (Unfortunately) Greatest Hits, which will consist of a link to each of my top rated posts, a brief description, and an added line as to why it’s unfortunate that they got so popular. not sure whether to add this to my pinned post or just make it standalone, will decide later

Anyway, a brief guide to Mikke’s Unfortunately Greatest Hits, aka places you may have seen my name screenshotted to one of those other  social media sites.

1. That One Death God Post. i wrote a short concept of a benign-seeming-but-secretly-sinister god of death, somebody took it up and wrote a mini-essay on the beauty of the acceptance of mortality. 

why it’s unfortunate: the most popular reblog, said mini-essay about a kind and gentle death, is literally the opposite of my original intent, which was about a king of a death realm whose power increases through the subtle horror of inevitable mortality over time. now there are *checks notes* fifty thousand reblogs each of whom feel the need to ask if I Have Heard The Good Word About Discworld’s Death.

2. Archer Is Actually A Speedster Post. a brief funny muse about speedsters using their powers in non-typical ways to form a superhero team of all speedsters. the most popular reblog of this post turned it into a statement about imposter syndrome and mental wellness.

why it’s unfortunate: mostly only for the pedants who feel the need to point out, repeatedly, that if the heroes are all speedsters they ought to be able to perceive each other. look buddy, I said that they pretended  to have other powers, not that they were actually fooling anybody.

3. The Whump Fan’s Dilemma. That meme about a guy agonizing between two buttons, except it’s about whump. the most popular reblog is a different meme of a cat pressing both.

why it’s unfortunate: look fellas, the meme was written about the experience of being a whump reader,  not a whump writer; it’s super easy to type “why not both?” but that isn’t going to make those fics where both things happen appear in front of me ripe for the reading now is it. 

on the up side, perhaps over the length of its lifespan, this post will have inspired more writers to indeed write both? in which case I suppose it’s earned its place in the world.

4. “you cannot know what people are taking away from the text” - I added one of my most oft-repeated arguments in fandom wank into that “bus driver tapping the sign” meme, which surprisingly caught on

why it’s unfortunate: it’s not, mostly, except that 1) it seems to flood my notifs again every time there’s a new wave of wank in some fandom I don’t even follow, which I suppose is just its intended purpose, and 2) people who still feel the need to reblog with notes about how their  particular bugaboo is, of course, still a valid reason for harassing people.

5. Frodo Laid a Geas, my only popular post with any particular actual merit, this was just the (somewhat disorganized) thread where I laid out my argument as to why Frodo, at the climax of Return of the King, lays a geas on Gollum that forces him into the lava, rather than supposing that Gollum “just tripped” (or was forced by divine intervention) at the last moment. (There’s a better version, with actual citations, here.)

why it’s unfortunate: every time this one starts circulating again, I get a few more followers, and it always makes me feel super bad that people may have been fooled into thinking that I actually contribute in any regular or productive way to the Tolkien fandom, which I absolutely do not.

6. The Turkey Post

7. Child Developmental Stages (aka Children Are Bigger Than You Think)

[theinternetisfulloftrash]

Far Away From L.A.

Story Summary: Dylan arrives ahead of production to a new filming location to get a break from L.A. It’s a small town in eastern Canada that’s remote and serene. While he’s enjoying the touch of anonymity that comes with filming in a rural town where most people couldn’t care less who he was, he meets Amelia.

Pairing: Dylan x OFC

Warnings: eventual smut, RPF, slight angst, general naughtiness

Index: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13 / Chapter 14 / Chapter 15 / Chapter 16 /  Chapter 17 / Chapter 18 / Chapter 19

Chapter 3: Impressions (Amelia POV/Dylan POV)

“Sorry I’m late, A.” 

Amelia sighed, sinking into the seat. Her sister was always apologizing for one thing or another. She loved her, even though every new excuse was more exhausting than the last, but she wasn’t upset about having to wait tonight. Despite having been up and on her feet since 8am.

“It’s fine, Bre.” Amelia said. 

Her sister looked sideways at her. “That’s a first,” she said, turning off the main road. “I was ready for you to tear my head off.” 

Amelia smiled. “You did promise you wouldn’t be late today, so maybe I should,” Amelia jabbed her lightly with her elbow. 

“I got tied up. I’ve been working on this essay for Mr. Parker and you know how he is.” She flicked the signal light to indicate her turn onto their street. “He’s a fucking tyrant.” 

Amelia laughed. “You better not let mom hear you cussing. She’ll start to think I’m a bad influence.” She smiled and turned to look out the window, watching the street lights flash by, still trying to process what had just happened. Did I actually just have a conversation with Dylan O’Brien? 

“Who was that you were talking to at the pub?” Bre asked. “Coworker?”

Amelia felt her heart stutter. Part of her wanted to spill to her sister, she might actually be a bigger Teen Wolf fan than Amelia was, but she stopped herself. She didn’t want to compromise Dylan’s privacy, and she knew how Bre could be. 

“Uh, yeah, new co-worker,” Amelia lied. 

They pulled into the driveway and Bre hopped out without turning out the headlights. Amelia sighed, reaching across the center console to turn them off. 

“You know, if you had your own car, you wouldn’t have to worry about me being late,” Bre winked. 

“I’m working on it, trust me.” Amelia shook her head and followed her sister in the front door. 

Amelia had found herself back in a situation she never would have expected at 26. She was living in her parent’s basement, her childhood bedroom long ago converted into a craft room for her mother. When relationships explode, there’s always fallout. Her 5-year relationship had ended about 6 months ago, and despite her better judgement, she’d abandoned everything to do with it. She left their apartment, didn’t want their car, their furniture, nothing. She left with two suitcases filled with her clothes, and a lamp her grandmother had given her. That was all she could stand to look at. 

She’d pickled up a second job at the pub to try to save up enough to start rebuilding her life, and she reluctantly accepted her parent’s offer to stay with them until she did. Before her breakup, she worked as a botanical curator for the Natural History Museum in the city, but so did her ex. That’s how they met. Just like everything else, she left that behind as well, replacing it with a position at a garden center and nursery. She actually really enjoyed the work, but it was a hell of a paycut. 

She flopped down on the pull-out couch. Her feet ached. She’d been on them since 8am. Working two jobs was taking its toll. She dug out her phone, pulling down her notification bar. There was a weather alert about the rain tomorrow, a push notification from google about some new political shenanigans that she didn’t even have the strength to read, and a gmail notification. She sat up a little straighter as she read the subject line: “2 BR Apartment - Application”. She clicked the alert and read:

Dear Miss Carter, 

Thank you so much for your interest in the apartment at 134 Westlake Avenue. We have reviewed your application and would love to have you come for a viewing. The apartment has some interest, so the sooner the better. 

Let us know when you might be available over the next couple of days, and we can arrange for you to come and have a look. If it works for you, I will be over there painting tomorrow afternoon. I’ll probably be there from around 2-5pm, you can swing by whenever it works for you.

All the best, 

Stephen Parsons

Amelia smiled, checking her calendar for her work schedule. It was Saturday and she worked the brunch shift, but was off at 2pm. She sent her reply. She took the family’s only car to work on Saturdays, so she could swing over after she got off. She hurriedly sent her reply and set her phone on the coffee table. If she could get the apartment, that was step one to gaining back some independence. 

She sighed, kicking off her sneakers and throwing her legs up onto the couch. She laid there for a bit, staring up at the ceiling tiles. The last thing on her mind before she drifted off to sleep was Dylan. 

**---------------**

Dylan flicked the light off to the ensuite bathroom, wiping the water from his stubble. He was shirtless with his sweats hung low around his hips. He sat down on the edge of his bed and dug through his luggage to find his phone charger. He plugged it in behind the nightstand and started piling the collection of pillows onto the chair in the corner until they were spilling onto the floor, replacing them with the one he always brought with him. He slid out of his sweats, tossing them onto his open luggage at the foot of the bed before he slipped into the sheets. 

The only light in the room emanated from the lamp on the nightstand. He tucked himself in and reached over to shut it off. He laid there for a few minutes in the dark, looking toward the windows. His eyes slowly adjusted until he could see the wind shifting the sheer curtains. It was a bit chilly, but he always slept better in a cool room. He nestled into his pillow. He always had a hard time sleeping away from home. 

He usually tried to avoid his phone before bed, but he felt himself reaching for it anyway. He entered his passkey and opened twitter. He scrolled lazily through posts for a while, smiling at a few, but choosing not to engage. He wasn’t ready for his alerts to be filled tonight. He watched a couple of highlight clips from the Mets game the night before and then locked his screen and set it aside. 

He sighed deep and full, crossing his arms behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. He was content, his stomach full and his feet happy to be off the floor. If his first day here was any indication, he was going to enjoy his stay. 

That night he dreamed of the ocean, the Atlantic, of a trip he’d taken with his family to the coast. He could feel the sand between his toes, could hear the waves crashing against the rocks. He loved the beach, but there was always something special about the Atlantic. The water was cooler, it broke with a little more force. He missed it.

Then he shifted through the haze of his consciousness and found himself staring out over a river, standing on its high banks, watching the sun set in the tall grass, when someone tapped his shoulder. He turned to see Amelia’s face glowing with her bright smile. The muted sound of his phone's alarm began to pull him from his subconscious. 

He woke in a room filled with the dreary light of a gloomy day. He could hear the rain pattering outside the open window. He got up, taking his phone with him to the bathroom, setting it to play a friend’s podcast as he shuffled around getting ready for a shower. He turned up the volume and climbed into the clawfoot tub, pulling the curtain and stepping into the steamy water. He let it run through his hair and wash over his back.

He didn’t rush like he usually did. He didn’t have anywhere to be. He slowly washed himself, scrubbing his scalp and letting the soap run down over the planes of his face before rinsing it off. His podcast was coming to an end when he finally shut off the water and stepped out onto the mat. He wrapped the towel on the back of the door around his waist and wiped the steam from the mirror. He looked at himself, contemplating shaving off his scruff. He was meant to be clean shaven for the movie, so he decided to let it ride for now. He kind of hated shaving anyway. 

He picked up his phone to check the time. 11:45am. Shit. He always slept late the night after a flight, so he’d missed the included breakfast. An 8am breakfast was ambitious on the best of days. He’d have to find somewhere else to eat, and he already had a pretty good idea where he was going to try first.

[internalsealpanic]

The Thorn pt.1

summary: “Please what, Kitten? I can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me.”

 or my 6 thousand word essay on why I want more Sugar daddy!Slade fics.

a/n: This is just straight up smut Never combine stress thirst plus an amazing enabler. Thanks to @littleredwing89 for basically co-writing. Also I need more case fics with undercover gentlemen’s clubs stuff.  I will edit this for grammar later. 

warnings: mentions of murder and sexual assault (for the case), mirror sex, collars, oral (male receiving), choking, kind of public sex?, size kink (this is to be expected at this point), strength kink,  reader is kind of a dumbass, and praise kink. 

villain’s masterlist or masterlist

Saying this wasn’t your scene would be like saying the sun is bright. Obvious but wholly inadequate in describing just how out of your depth you are. You cross your arms over your chest in a futile attempt to shield them from prying eyes. The soft fabric of your lingerie feeling too little in contrast to the men clad in expensive suits leering at you as they passed your skittish form.

 You try to swallow down the nervousness. You try to tell yourself this is fine, that it’s just for the case. But the silk collar tied tightly around your neck and your own fraying nerves made it extremely difficult to ignore just how vulnerable you felt. 

 God, what made your awkward ass think you could pull this off?

 You lift your head, eyeing the other men and women around you. You all wore matching silk ribbons tied into bows behind your neck, a circular, silver tag hanging off of it. You wrinkle your nose at how young some of them look. Some barely look old enough to be anywhere near a place like this. 

 Part of you feels thankful that you shut Nicky’s idea down to go with a leather lingerie set but the stark contrast of your lacy lingerie set made you stand out too much in the sea of leather. It made you stand out just enough to color both your cheeks and ears from the amount of attention you were getting. You close your eyes trying to ignore the heat permeating from your skin. You try to focus on the details of the case. 

 For the last 8 months, there’s been an increase in the number of young men and women going missing and turning up dead. The assumption had been that it was due to the increase in gang activity but something felt off about the deaths. 

 Nothing was consistent. The victim type, the area, and even the M.O. of sexual assault were varied. Only the mode of death was even close to being consistent but even that presented its own problems. The injuries were too clean, too efficient for the killer to have drawn any pleasure from it especially when contrasted with the victims’ other injuries.  Normally people who make those injuries have a certain type and a certain way of doing things. And the clean efficiency of the disposal method had easily ruled out any of the local gangs. 

 When you brought all of this up to your boss, he waved you off saying something about looking into it. Somehow not getting fired after screaming at your boss (probably because you’re one of the few crime scene techs willing to stay in this shithole), you decide to conduct your own investigation. The more clues you uncovered (out of sheer spite) the more they seemed to point to an organized crime group, likely involved in trafficking.

 Finally, after a month and a half of searching, you found a solid lead. Augustus Klineberg. Despite the name, he was new money. At least, here in Merit.  

 “I’m his type!”

 “And so are a dozen bodies laying around in the lab, what’s your point?”

 “Sita, got me a part-time job at the Thorn.”

 It hadn’t been easy. The thorn was an exclusive gentlemen’s club that specialized in certain kinks. It had taken Sita a week to even get you an interview but after that they eagerly accepted you with worrying enthusiasm. Either way, this conversation was simply a formality. 

 Bernard stares at you and you watch as his entire being crumples into the dining room table. He turns to his husband pleadingly. “Nicky, Please, my love, talk some sense into her.”

 You turn to Nicky who is innocently sipping from his coffee mug filled with whatever ungodly creation came to Bernard in the dead of night. He tilts his head back seemingly collecting the right words. “Y/n has a point.”

 “No! Not you too!”

 “Yes!”

 “Bern, think about it. Klineberg would never suspect her and unlike most of Klineberg’s victims, Y/n is a ninja gremlin.”

 Bernard gives him a withering look while you snort. Nicky shrugs and continues to drink his, what you assumed was, liquid crack. 

 “Y/n, are you sure about this? The Thorn- Well, it isn’t exactly like your other undercover jobs.” You give both of them a cocky smile, biting into your mini waffle. “It can’t be that hard. All I have to do is sit there and look pretty.” At that little remark, Nicky burst out into a fit of laughter loud enough to wake the neighbors. 

You run your hand through your hair still, feeling flustered. You need air. 

 “Hey Nina, I’m gonna need like maybe 5 minutes.”

 “Sure, just don’t blame me for whatever excuse I give the bossman,” Nina says, shrugging at you. She flips her red curls over her shoulder, winking at a patron and tilting her hips to show off her curves. Both you and the patron are slack-jawed and entranced. Maybe you should try that sometime? Some time being after you stop gawking at Nina’s ass and probably also after you take in some air. 

 You shuffle away awkwardly keeping your eyes to the ground. You shrink into yourself easily as you cut through the crowd. This case was going to be the death of you and Bernard’s eulogy would just be a very short but satisfying ‘I told you so’. 

 Mercifully, you find a quieter area. You would have preferred to go outside but standing alone in a dark alley in skimpy underwear might be a bad idea. You flatten yourself against a wall and close your eyes. Maybe you could tell them you aren’t feeling well which isn’t entirely untrue. You felt sick being this vulnerable. You should probably leave before you do something stupid. 

 A hand on your wrist drags you back to reality. It takes absolutely everything in you not to break his wrist. You open your eyes to see Klineberg hoovering in your personal space. 

 “Are you ok?” He asks, the concern in his voice sounding synthetic. You try to wriggle out of his hold not bothering to hide your discomfort. You note how his smile seems to get bigger as you struggled more. Clearly, he was enjoying your discomfort. 

   “Thanks for finding her for me. The manager said she’d be in this general area but it’s quite hard to see with just one eye.” Slade says casually, settling a large hand on the man’s shoulder. Your heart stops. Of all the people you had to run into-

  Klineberg eyes him skeptically. You have to respect him for that. You’ve faced Slade several times before, only making it out due to luck or hours of planning. If you were Klineberg, you’d be pissing yourself. Despite the almost friendly expression Slade had on him, you can tell this wasn’t up for negotiation. And apparently, so can Klineberg seeing how he dropped your hand. 

 Slade waves a neatly dressed man over. The man eyes you appraisingly and your heart takes an express elevator to your throat. Were you that obviously out of place? 

 “We’ll be taking a room.”

 “Of course, sir,” The man answers politely, finally, taking his eyes off of you and handing Slade a key. 

 Wait. We?

 Slade starts walking without a word, the crowd parting for him easily.  You briefly look back at Klineberg who is still looking at you like he’s going to tear you apart with his bare hands before following Slade.  

 You walk behind him wordlessly. Your mind is still reeling from the fact that Slade ‘Deathstroke: The Terminator’ Wilson just saved you from your target and your own terrible acting and is mortified by the fact that he has now seen you in skimpy lingerie. The steps you take are measured, making sure to stick close to him but not too close.  You keep your eyes to the ground as you walk behind him, hoping it’s enough to hide the expressions cycling through your face. 

 You two enter a room. It was unexpectedly spacious even under the dim neon lights. You look around finding the room furnished with expensive decorations looking nothing like the seedy gentlemen’s clubs you’ve busted before save for the pole in the middle of the room. It looked more akin to an expensive hotel bar, again, save for the pole. The darkness of the room and the quiet flow of the music set quite the intimate atmosphere which just made you that more skittish. 

 Slade makes his way across the room, eyes searching the corners and spaces of the room. He nods seemingly satisfied with the setup and likely not spotting any recording devices. Your stiff shoulders loosen a bit, if nothing else you could at least speak plainly now. 

 Slade takes his suit jacket off, revealing broad shoulders and the outline of strong back muscles. Your throat dries. Something warm stirs in you and you’re gawking again. God, you really need a better reaction to attractive people. 

 Slade holds out a glass of whiskey to you, a playful smile on his handsome face. He doesn’t seem to mind you staring at him. You swear viciously not skimping on colorful words but walk over to take the alcohol regardless. It’s on his tab and you honestly needed some alcohol in your system if you’re going to talk to him.

 “So, working for the cops not work out for you?”

 “Nah, my last sugar daddy just kicked the bucket, so I’m looking for a new one,” you say, giving Slade a wry smile.  You watch him cross one leg over another easing into a relaxed position through the wall. It was polished to a mirror shine. You guess that’s the kind of thing rich people liked. 

 “Hmmm, that can be arranged.” You choke on your drink. You scowl at him. He simply shrugs at you taking a sip of his whiskey. 

 You hear the door open, forcing you to pretend to be civil. A man around your age, dressed in a classic waiter’s outfit comes in with a tray of whiskey and two glasses. You don’t know how but you can tell the whiskey is worth more than your apartment. This doesn’t help your urge to punch Slade. 

“Will you be requiring any special toys tonight, sir?” The straightforward tone of the question makes you stiffen more than anything. The man’s eyes flicker towards you but his focus remains squarely on Slade who eyes you openly before smiling and saying “No, thanks, Anthony. I think we’ll be just fine.”

 "If you say so, sir. Please feel free to let us know if you need anything." 

 You wait for Anthony to leave before turning the full force of your scowl at Slade.“How the hell did you know his name?”

 Slade regards you impassively over the rim of his glass. You refuse to break eye contact.  He raises his hands in mock surrender.  “Alright, Kitten, you caught me. I do frequent this club quite a bit.”

 “You kinky shit.”

 He eyes you again, his eye clearly tracing your curves. “I’m not the one sitting here in their underwear with a collar on. Speaking of which-” Slade nods his head towards something in front of both of you. 

 You look at the pole, blinking dumbly as a smile spreads across his face. He tips his head to it. “I did pay for your time and the customer is always right.”

 Your mouth twists into a snarl as the tips of your ears run red. “You are insufferable.”

 “Don’t make me call the manager.” You sigh at the unspoken ‘it is definitely going to blow your cover and get you shot. At best.’ and begrudgingly you make your way to the pole. 

 You grip the pole in front of you, flexing your fingers against the cold metal. Anxiety thrums under your skin. Your eyes flick nervously to Slade who’s got the audacity to sit comfortably, sip whiskey, and smirk at you as if he was completely in his element. 

 “No need to be shy. Be a good girl and give us a good show,” he says, winking at you. Your hackles rise and your face pulls into a frown before rearranging itself into a sultry smile. You put one heel in front of you, hooking your leg around the pole and grinding your clothed sex into the metal in an undulating motion that has Slade clenching his hand around his glass. You try your hardest to grin and you suspect you’ve failed. Not that Slade’s noticed considering his eye is laser-focused on your ass. 

 With your one leg on the floor, you push yourself into a spin. Your body tips back as your hand runs down your face, chest, and abdomen drawing attention to the plains of exposed skin and delicate fabric accenting your shape. Pulling your body back up, you let your body slide down to the floor. Your legs split as soon as you made contact with the floor giving him a full view of your ass. He whistles appreciatively, tilting his head. You watch him through thick lashes, eyes bright and predatory under the neon lights. You roll onto your hand and knees. He smiles down at you watching the sweat drip down the valley of your breasts.  You were a sight to behold. 

 Slade pats his knee. “Come here, kitten.” Hunger flashes in his blue eye. It sends a warm shock through your system. It’s odd being looked at like that but you can’t feel yourself getting too concerned over it. Not when it sends a pleasant hum through your mind. 

 You crawl towards him in time with the movement, slow and steady in its place. Stopping in front of him. A large hand grasps your chin, thumb brushing against your bottom lip.  

 You sit on his lap, hand grasping his broad shoulder. Embarrassment floods back into your system now that you’re this close, now that you had the full force of that hungry gaze on you. You feel your skin heat and the weight of his gaze makes your stomach flip. 

 Seduction was other people’s gig, not yours. 

 Large hands settle on your waist, pressing circles into your skin. The buzzing feeling in your brain returns and you refocus on your task. His hands slide down the side of your body, fingers digging into your hips. His hands follow the circular motions your hips make on his crotch and guides you over the growing bulge. You hear his breath catch and hiss as you grind down on his crotch. You wrap your hands around the silk tie dangling from his neck and roughly pull him into a kiss.  

 His fingers dig into the meat of your ass drawing an embarrassingly loud yelp from you and giving him access to your mouth. You suck on his tongue and receive a pleased groan from him. Your tongues wrestle for control as he kneads your ass, making you mewl and moan into the kiss. You break the kiss needing air while Slade admires his work. 

 When Slade dips in for another kiss, you pull away pushing off of his broad chest a flirty smile dancing across your features. You turn from him, heels clicking against the floor as your show off the lushness of your figure.  In the mirror, you see Slade settling back into his position and grinning at the corners of the room again. His arms relax on the back of the couch. 

You close your eyes and let the music swallow you whole. You don’t dare hazard a glance at the mirror. You sashay your hips to the music, loosening your tense muscles. You open your eyes giving Slade your best seductive smile. You run your hands up your body, tangling into your hair. 

 You bite your lip as you slide them back down. Your fingers catch against the collar. Slade’s mouth twists.  

 You ease your arms out of your bra and let it drop to the floor. Your nipples pebble in the cold night air. The sight of them makes the corners of Slade’s mouth twitch. You push past the warmth stirring in your stomach in favor of trailing your hands down your body. Your fingers toy with the straps of your panties, watching as Slade licks his lips in anticipation.  You slide the flimsy garment down your legs, bending over and giving him a good view of your wet pussy through the mirror. 

 Stepping out of them, you toss them at Slade, who just to be an asshole, catches and pockets them. He grins at you and shrugs unapologetically. You scowl at him putting as much venom into your features as much as possible.      

You sway your lush hips in time with the music, letting the slow beat dictate the rhythm of your movements as you saunter towards him. You swallow, the silk collar still wound tightly around your neck. The intensity of his gaze makes you painfully aware of your nakedness but the embarrassment heating your skin shoots straight to your core, making you shudder. 

 Reaching him, you straddle his thighs, your plump ass grazing over his growing bulge. You moan, mouth-watering at the sensation. Your mind dwells on the feeling, your insides growing slick at the thought of him inside you. 

 Your fingers trail up your thighs and up over your stomach. You watch as his eye follows the slow tantalizing movement. His large hands grip onto the plush headrest of the couch, squeezing them as his face twists just a smidge with a mix of exertion and frustration. 

 You give him a playful smile as you slow the gyrating of your hips. A growl rumbles from his chest and you snap your hips back against his erection, the loose movement of your body hypnotic like ocean waves. Tipping your head back into his shoulder, exposing the column of your throat to him. Your hips continue to undulate against him, feeling the deep bass of the music ripple through your body along with the shockwaves of heat coming from your core as you grind it against his bulge. The coarse feeling of the fabric against your core making your knees grow weak.  

 A sinful moan tumbles out of your lips followed closely by breathy panting. You let your eyes slide shut soaking up the sensation of his suit against your skin. You reach behind you hooking your arms around Slade’s broad shoulders to steady yourself as your press closer to his large form. He presses his lips to your neck, the prickle of his beard against your skin making you shiver. “Yeah, just like that, kitten,” he murmurs against your skin, a large hand settling on your thigh.

 You push further into him. You grind your hips, the movement deep and slow. Your hand tangles in his hair, gently guiding him to your lips. Your lips move against each other just as your bodies do, slow and sensual. You catch his lips between your teeth, nipping at it. He chuckles at your invitation, sliding his tongue inside your mouth and joining your lips once again. Below you, you feel another large hand hook onto your thigh. Both hands grip your thighs fiercely pulling them further apart, exposing your sopping pussy to the cold night air. 

 Slade breaks away from your kiss, his panting breaths hot fanning your face. You stare at each other with half-lidded eyes, lust bright in them even in the low light. He captures your lips again in a quick kiss before planting one on your shoulder. “Play with yourself,” he says, the command steady and rough against your ear. 

 The tone of his voice makes you shiver as you reluctantly release your hold on his shoulders. Keeping one hand tangled in his hair, you slowly slide your hand down your body, mewling into his skin when you reach into your neglected folds. You slip two fingers in immediately. You shudder and bite your lips trying to stop any obscene sounds from escaping. 

 A hand tilts your chin, coaxing you. “Good girl, look at yourself. Look just how wet you are just for me, kitten,” Slade says, nibbling at your ear. You yelp, your hips bucking into your hand, ass rolling against his member. You watch yourself in the mirror red-faced, open-mouthed, and sinful. Your dripping sex is in full view only obscured by your hand as your fingers dip in and out of your core. Slade’s eye never leaves the mirror even as he plants kisses against your skin. His large hand grasps your neck making sure you don’t look away from the mirror. You think of how easily he could break you and you feel like you’re on fire. 

 You're so close.  You’re so so close. You can even see the desperation carving itself so plainly on your face. Anxiety and arousal mix into a potent cocktail in your gut. The nervousness from earlier rearing its ugly head. You whine in frustration, adding in a third finger but you can’t seem to reach over the edge. You hear him chuckle behind you and see him grin into your skin. At least, one of you was having fun. 

 He gives your shoulder another rough kiss, leaving a mark before speaking. “Having some trouble, kitten?” You wrinkle your nose at his tone but...in truth, you were. You bite your lip not knowing what to say. You’re so close but… the venue made you shy and that was an entirely different problem.  Using the hand on your neck, Slade tilts your head towards him, the heat from his lips ghosting over yours. “All you have to do is ask for help, kitten,” he murmurs against your lips. The vibrations send another shockwave of desperation wreaking havoc throughout your already oversensitive body. 

 He tilts your head back to look at the mirror. You can feel your ears warm at the thought of begging but you’re a hair’s breadth away from your end. Biting your lips and furrowing your brow, you take a steadying breath but it still comes out breathy when you exhale due to the hand squeezing your thigh drifting closer to your core. He presses slow circles into your inner thigh with his thumb, his teeth nibbling at your shoulder leaving marks. A vicious curse leaves your lips blunted by a moan that follows it. 

 “Slade, please. Please. Sir, please.”

 “Please what, Kitten? I can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me.”

 You tighten your grip on his hair and roll your hips against his. He growls in your ear but he doesn’t budge. “Use your words, kitten,” he commands, sounding far more patient than he actually is. You whimper, rocking against him. He holds you still, fingers digging into your flesh and body leaning into yours. “Words.”

 You pant, hot breaths loud in your ears. Whether it was his or your own you were hearing, you didn’t know and didn’t care, not when your head was jumbled with the buzzing under your skin. You swallow. His eye following the movement of your throat and the silver glint of your tag winking at you in the mirror. “Slade- Sir, please- Please, I need you. I need you inside me.”

 “That wasn’t too hard now was it?” He says capturing your lips in a rough kiss. You scream against his lips when you feel two large calloused fingers thrust into your core, stretching you replacing the ache in your core with a burning stretch. Slade releases you, steadying you so that your eyes are once again on the mirror. You both watch as his fingers pump in and out of you, the room filling up with your moans. “Keep your eyes on the mirror and watch as I make you cum.”

 He presses his thumb against your clit. The syllables of his name coming out garbled and incoherent. You cum with a whimper. Your body shakes uncontrollably, your bones melting. Your lungs take in greedy gulps of oxygen feeling like the wind’s been knocked out of them. Slade lets your head lull back against his shoulder. You press little kisses against the powerful muscles of his neck. “Thank you, sir.”

 Slade removes his fingers from your pussy, leaving you feeling empty. “Clean up the mess you made,” he orders, pressing wet fingers against your lips. You open your mouth letting them in. You slide your eyes shut and swirl your tongue around them. You bob your head taking them in deep. You moan, rocking your hips against his still hard cock, letting yourself imagine what it would be like to take him into your mouth. Your enthusiasm earns you a hiss from Slade. You smile as you continue to suck on his fingers and rock your body, the fire in the pit of your stomach reigniting. You flutter your eyes open. In the mirror, you see Slade, brow raised and mouth wrangled into a shape of wry amusement. “See, I knew you were a good girl,” he says voice strained. You grind your ass into him as you moan around his fingers. You gasp when a rough hand grasps your breast, nipple pinched between calloused fingers. 

 “Are you that hungry for my cock, kitten?” he asks, removing his fingers from your lips. Both your lips and his fingers glisten with your saliva. You nod not trusting your voice to be steady. He thankfully accepts it.  

 “Well, have at it,” he says, hands repositioning themselves on the back of the couch easing into a more relaxed position and looking as smug as humanly possible. He really is getting his money’s worth out of this. You shift your body making sure you brush up against his erect member as you did so. He looks almost pained when you finally face him. You drag your hands up and down his shirt, his muscles barely hidden by the soft silky material. You lick your lips, catching your bottom lip between your teeth. You slide yourself down his body, hands kneading and worshipping every stretch of muscle they come across. Fuck, they feel so good to your touch. 

 Getting to your knees, you rest your cheek against his knee. You let mischief shape your features. He quirks his brow at you, tilting his strong jaw urging you to move on. You massage his thighs as you pull yourself up. You undo his belt tossing it to the side. You pinch the zipper of his pants between your teeth and pull it down, grinning as you do it. Slade lifts his hips a bit to help you ease his pants and boxers down. Your mouth waters visibly when his cock springs free in all its glory. You gulp audibly as you figure the logistics of fitting all of it into your mouth. 

 “Take your time, Kitten. I’ve requested you for the whole night. We have time.” He drawls, smug. You roll your eyes at him finally deciding that head-on was the only way to tackle this. You lick a strip up his member paying special attention to the large vein running down the middle. You flick your eyes up to him, seeing his muscles tense. You grasp the base of his cock tight in your hand, kissing the tip and giving the slit a long, languid lick. The taste of precum wakes your taste buds. You hum, sucking lightly at the head, your hand twisting up and down his cock. His jaw tightens, the strain of keeping his hips still tightening the muscles of his thighs. 

 You spread your legs wide as you sink your head down taking him in and giving him a good view of your wet pussy. You take him in as far as you can, gagging when the head of his cock hits the back of your throat. The corners of your eyes sting with tears. You still yourself, letting your throat relax around him. You pull yourself back up. Your plush lips massage his length as you go and your warm hand not trailing far behind. You keep your mouth on the head of his cock before sinking back down. His sheer girth is sure to make your jaw ache but you couldn’t make yourself care, not when you’re growing wetter the more you worship his cock. Slade for his part looked like he was gonna tear the couch apart every time you sank down to take is cock on, the fluttering walls of your throat driving him up the wall. The soft music of the room was now barely audible against the mingling sounds of your moans. Slade’s unrestrained voice was dripped with whiskey and sin. 

 His cock twitches in your throat and it’s the only warning you get before cum splashes against the back of your throat and fills your mouth. You choke but when your eyes meet his, the muscles of your throat work automatically to swallow his load. The movement followed closely by his eye. You pull back, light-headed. He grabs your chin, tilting it up to inspect your mouth. He hums satisfied.  “Kitten, that mouth of yours is definitely worth more than the price of admission.” He says brushing a thumb against your bottom lip as you pant. 

 A familiar ache in your core returns when your eyes land on Slade’s still hardened cock.  

 “Of course, a little cockslut like you wouldn’t be satisfied ‘til you’ve been filled,” he chuckles pulling you into his lap so that you’re facing the mirror, your dripping pussy hovering over his saliva covered cock. The throbbing head teasing against your sensitive folds. He kisses your shoulder, his teeth pinching your skin leaving another red bruise. You whine as he guides your hips, moving them to ever so slightly brush your core against his cock. 

 “Sir, please. I need you. I- I need you to fuck me,” you beg, hands tangling in his hair and eyes watching his member in pained hunger. You sound so needy but you also needed him inside you filling you up. 

 Slade hums in your ear approvingly. He pinches your ear lobe between his teeth, making you keen. “Well, since you asked so nicely.” That was the only warning you got before his hands guide your hips down onto his engorged cock. Your walls flutter with every inch, stretching you with every inch. A hand cups your breast while he continues to guide you down onto his cock. Rough calloused fingers knead your breast as he whispers compliments into your skin in between kisses. The cacophony of sensations is almost too much for you. 

 “Such a good cockslut, look at how well that tight cunt of yours is taking me in.” You roll your hips, urging him to quicken his maddeningly slow pace. He simply chuckles at your attempt as both his hands steady your hips. You almost cry in relief when he finally bottoms out. You pant savoring the burning stretch tearing at your insides. Pleasure and pain mingling in your sense.  

 Slade rests his chin against your shoulder, lips pressed to the shell of your ear. “Kitten, I want to watch you fuck yourself on my cock,” he says, in a low commanding tone making you shiver and leaving no room for arguments. You grip on to his arms, nails digging into the meat of his muscle, to steady yourself. You lean forward to get yourself into a better angle. 

 Ah ah ah

 Breathy moans and the slap of skin against skin filled the air as you roll your hips against his. You watch yourself in the mirror, breasts bouncing, mouth hanging open, and tongue lolling out getting lost in the pleasure. The mixture of shadow and light highlighting and isolating the frantic need carving itself onto both of your faces. The coil in your stomach twists as your eyes meet his in the mirror. Icy blues trailing up and down your body possessively.   

 His hand wraps around your throat, squeezing it gently as he trails kisses up your spine. Your hips stutter, your walls squeezing around his cock. “You like that?” he whispers into your ear, putting just the tiniest bit more pressure around your neck. You feel your walls flutter around him and he moans in your ear. His other hand squeezes at your hip, nails digging into your soft flesh.     

 With a growl, he snaps his hips against yours almost violent in its intensity. You let out a loud yelp. Slade jackhammers into you like a madman, pummeling your pussy. His tongue dragging against your sweat-covered skin.  “Cum with me, Kitten,” he grinds out, nipping at your ear. Your pussy clenches and unclenches around him trying to squeeze his cock, gripping him as if not wanting to let go of it. He bites a hickey into your neck and you feel the coil in your stomach burst. You feel a flood of warmth fill your aching core as Slade lets himself go. 

 He turns your body around to face him, careful not to separate you two. He pulls you into a deep kiss as both of you ride out your orgasms. 

 Your body slumps against Slade’s, head resting on his shoulder and chest pressing against his. Your breaths come out in puffs fanning against his neck. Slade presses a kiss to your forehead. You yawn and kiss his throat, his pulse hot against your lips. 

 “Satisfied?” he asks, pulling your wrist to his lips nipping and leaving marks on it. You wonder just how many marks he’s left on you and if he’s technically allowed to do that. It just seems bad for business. 

 “Yes, sir,” you answer, nuzzling into his shoulder. He chuckles, rubbing his large hands soothingly over your aching muscles. He holds you tenderly for a while, both of you basking in the afterglow.  

 Through thick lashes, you see Slade look at his watch. You whine when he starts to shift. Wrapping your arms around him, you press your body closer. You see his brow wrinkle and have to bite your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. Sucker. 

 Slade gives you another kiss as he reluctantly extricates himself from your warmth. You shiver at the motion. Your oversensitive walls flutter making him groan. You whimper at the feeling of emptiness as he gently places you on the soft cushions of the couch. He places another kiss on your forehead then your shoulder then your wrist as he drapes his jacket over you. “Sorry, kitten, I have some business I need to take care of,” he says tucking himself back into his pants. “But if you feel like a repeat performance, feel free to come back,” he continues, fixing his shirt as he grins down at you. Your stomach flips despite how tired you feel. 

 You watch him walk away then stop. “Oh and I’ll be keeping these,” he teases, holding up your panties and tucking them back into his pocket. You try to sit up intent on throwing the entire bottle of whiskey at him but your limbs fail you, still feeling like jelly.

  The next time you open your eyes is when you feel someone patting your cheek lightly. 

 “March,” Anthony’s voice comes out in a haze. It takes a second for your mind to recognize the name as your alias. You take a deep breath trying to quell the panic from being woken up. 

 “What time is it?”

 “A quarter past one.”

 Good, you’ve only been asleep for an hour.  

 “Thanks.”

 “You’re pretty lucky. Looks like Mr. Wilson was feeling generous,” Anthony laughs, thumb pointing to the stack of cash by the whiskey. 

 That asshole. 

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Thanks for reading! 

a/n: This will be a 3 part series because I am thirsty as hell. 

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