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nerdzzone · 3 years

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Only For A Moment: September

Summary: A series of shorter one shots from Chris and Whitney’s life together throughout the pandemic. Some happy times, some harder times, some fluff and some things a little more sexy - they work through it all as they try to get settled in their new and blossoming relationship.

Chris Evans x OFC

Part of the Once Bitten/More Hearts series

Only For A Moment: August

Note: I really liked writing this part so please let me know your thoughts!

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September 2020

Before the pandemic hit, we'd planned to send Grayson to preschool in the fall after he turned three. However, with the state of the world when the time arrived, it became a more complicated decision. We knew the benefits - we knew it would give him the opportunity to make friends and jumpstart his learning - but after many long, anxiety filled discussions, we decided to keep him home for another year. We didn't need it for childcare as neither of us had any work on the horizon and he still had another year before kindergarten so he wouldn't be missing out on preschool education completely. The risks just seemed to outweigh the benefits at that point in time given the case numbers in our area.

But not everyone had such an easy choice to make. People with older children had to educate them somehow - whether that be in person or online. In person classes had a much higher risk of exposure to the virus, but online classes were harder for children to focus on and required much more participation from the parents.

Carly had made the difficult choice to keep her kids at home and continue their online education, but it was proving to be harder than she'd anticipated. The kids were tired of learning through a computer and they missed their friends. Despite the risk of in person learning, they wanted to go back to school and were dragging their heels when it came to doing their work at home.

They started in August and by the middle of September, Carly was quickly losing her patience with all three of her children and, after a tearful phone call from his sister, Chris and I agreed to take them for an afternoon. They had some homework that we had to make sure they did, but Chris' goal was more related to sending them home with a renewed appreciation for their parents and a promise to keep working hard.

He'd picked them up just after lunch and given them a stern - but understanding - talking to on the way over to our place, but once they arrived he was back to being fun Uncle Chris and started their afternoon of school with gym class in the form of a soccer game. He ran them around the yard for over an hour before they wrapped up the game and came in for a snack. Then, the real school work started.

"So," Chris clapped. "What homework does everyone have?"

"Math..."

Ethan wrinkled his nose in disgust as he answered and his siblings nodded their heads in agreement.

"Well, it's your lucky day!" Chris grinned. "Whitney happens to be a math whiz! She went to university to be an accountant."

It was hard not to laugh at the disgust on their faces and I was tempted to inform them of the fact that I had dropped out just to retain my status as their uncle's 'cool' girlfriend. I thought that information might not help inspire them to work though so I kept it to myself.

"Why did you do that?" Miles questioned. "That's so boring!"

"It doesn't have to be," I insisted. "Chris, why don't you take Gray to do a puzzle or something and we'll get this work out of the way?"

"Sure," Chris nodded, plucking Grayson off the stool he was sitting on and throwing the giggling child over his shoulder. "And remember, the faster the homework gets done, the faster we can get back to doing fun stuff!"

I waited until Chris had left the room before shooting a smile at the little students that I was left with.

"Okay, now that he's gone, I can show you the secret to making math fun," I told them, stretching up to grab a big jar of jelly beans from the top shelf of a cupboard. It was Chris' secret stash, but I was sure he wouldn't be too mad if I borrowed it. "You just need to find some motivation."

The kid's eyes went wide.

"Are those Uncle Chris'?" Ethan asked, a hint of wonder in his voice.

"Yep," I smiled. "So, let's hurry and get to work before he comes back and catches us."

I shot them a wink and they all scurried off to get their notebooks.

It was easier to incorporate the candy into Miles and Stella's math homework as in the younger grades, they were mostly doing addition and subtraction. I helped them use the jelly beans as counters and let them eat them after every few questions. For Ethan, it was a bit trickier. In sixth grade, he was getting more into the start of algebra and some harder level fractions which jelly beans were less useful in. Instead, we used them as motivation and he got to eat a couple of jelly beans for every row of questions he finished.

We almost got away with our jelly bean thievery, but just as the kids were packing up their books, I heard a gasp come from the doorway.

"Are those my jelly beans?!"

The kids all burst out laughing as I shot Chris a sheepish look.

"I'm sorry. They needed some encouragement..."

Chris shook his head, but the smile on his face told me that he wasn't really that upset.

"I trusted you," he scolded me. "Now I'll have to find a new hiding spot and you won't be informed of its whereabouts."

I pouted at that as Grayson scrambled up onto the stool beside me to get his hands in the candy before it was moved.

"You could just be nice and share," I pointed out. "Making them forbidden just makes them more tempting."

"Yeah, Uncle Chris," Ethan nodded in agreement. "Plus, you're always telling us that we have to share stuff."

"You're getting too smart, kid," Chris smiled at him. "But unfortunately for you, I'm still in charge which means you have to do as I say, not as I do."

Ethan rolled his eyes at that as Stella frowned.

"That's not fair!"

"That's life," Chris shrugged. "Now, who's going to help me make some dinner?"

Grayson and Stella threw their hands up in the air as I popped another jelly bean into my mouth.

"What are we having?"

"Pasketti!" Grayson enthusiastically informed me, earning a laugh from Chris as he ruffled his hair.

"Spaghetti," he clarified. "With Ma's recipe for the sauce."

"Ooh, yum!"

I stole one last jelly bean before putting the lid back on the jar. The kids all whined in protest, but if Chris was making dinner then I knew it was time for me to stop stuffing them with sugar.

We all stayed in the kitchen as Chris started getting things ready, giving the kids simple jobs to do like opening jars and the occasional stirring. Dinner was about halfway ready when Miles got a cheeky smirk on his face.

"Uncle Chris?" He questioned, getting Chris' attention. "Aren't you going to sing the spaghetti song?"

That piqued my interest and I raised an eyebrow at Chris whose cheeks were slightly pinker than they'd been moments before.

"What's the spaghetti song?"

"On Top of Spaghetti," Chris informed me as if I should know what he was talking about. I didn't and my face must have shown him that. "C'mon! You have to know it!"

"I can't say that I do," I shrugged. "You'll have to enlighten me."

"Daddy sings it every time we have pasketti!" Grayson informed me, still mispronouncing the word.

"Well, I think I need to learn it then," I smiled. "Go on, Chris. Let's hear it."

The kids all agreed with me, hassling him to start the song.

"Alright, alright," he agreed after a moment of resistance. His cheeks were still looking a little rosy with embarrassment as he took a deep breath and then began. "On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese. I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed..."

I watched - filled with an almost overwhelming sense of affection for him - as he sang through all the verses of the song. The kids joined in where they could and all of them were giggling by the time he was done.

"Again, again!"

Grayson started the chant, but they all joined in and with a smirk, I did too.

"Yes, Chris! Again, again!" I teased. "So I can film it for Instagram!"

"Ha-ha," Chris laughed sarcastically. "You're so funny, Whitney. There will be no filming of this performance."

"But just think how much your fans would love it," I smiled. "You'd melt the hearts of women all over the world."

Chris let out a laugh at that comment, but didn't have time to respond before the kids took over again, demanding another performance. Once he was sure that my phone was safely out of reach, he launched into another round of song.

By the time dinner was done and the kids were all settled in front of the TV watching a movie, my heart was feeling rather full. Seeing Chris with all the children and enjoying the afternoon of a house full of their joy and laughter had me feeling things I hadn't been entirely sure I was ready to contemplate yet.

As I sat at the island in the kitchen, sipping my second glass of wine as Chris finished loading the dishwasher, I broached the subject.

"Today has been really nice," I told him, my voice catching his attention in the quiet room. "Having a house full of kids."

That thought clearly gripped his interest as he spun around to face me, still drying his hands.

"Yeah?" The excitement in his voice was palpable. "We haven't talked about that, have we? Do you want more kids?"

"I do," I smiled at his overzealous reaction. "At least one more. I'd like Grayson to have a sibling. It seems lonely to make him grow up all alone."

"It does," he agreed. "I can't imagine growing up without siblings."

"What about you?" I asked. "I mean, I know you've mentioned in interviews that you want a big family, but is that real? Or just for the family man image that your fans love so much?"

Chris chuckled and shrugged, but there was something sheepish about the way he was looking at me.

"Honestly?" He paused as if waiting for a response, but it seemed unnecessary. We both knew I wouldn't want anything other than the truth in a moment like this. "I want at least two more, maybe even three. Hell, I'd have another one right now if you were willing."

I almost choked on the wine I was sipping as those words left his mouth, but as I placed my glass safely back on the counter, the coughing shifted into laughter.

"We can't have another one now," I protested. "We've only been together for like four months!"

"Five," he corrected with a soft smile. "And we were only together for one night before we had Gray and I think he's turned out alright."

He was right about that and I would have been lying if I said that the thought of another little baby didn't stir something inside me, but the more rational side of me came through.

"We can't just rush into another baby," I insisted. "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but that's a big decision."

"I know it is," Chris assured me. "I'm half-kidding. I know it's not something we can rush into, but another part of me thinks it would be nice to have one now while we've got nothing else going on."

"That's true, but this pandemic won't last forever," I pointed out. "Even if you got me pregnant right now, you'll hopefully be working again before it would even be born. I'm not sure I could deal with Grayson and a newborn all by myself."

"Yeah, but some experts think this mess is gonna last for a few years still which would make this the perfect time to have a baby."

I shot him a look and he shrugged with a smirk.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," I warned him. "Let's just see how this whole pandemic situation goes for a bit longer before we make any massive life plans."

"Alright, alright," Chris chuckled, coming around to my side of the island. He rested his chin on my shoulder and slid his arms around my waist, placing his hands on my stomach. "It would be nice though, wouldn't it? Having another little baby around. Another little mix of the two of us."

I could feel his breath on my neck as his voice was low in my ear and I had to admit that he was right. I was one of the lucky women who actually loved being pregnant and, despite how exhausting and stressful the newborn phase was, I did miss having a little baby around.

But my worries about our ability to co-parent if we split up were still lingering in my mind. They'd been eased slightly by how solid our relationship had been so far, but if it all fell apart, I was still worried about how we would cope. Adding another baby to that so soon seemed like a foolish thing to do.

"It would be nice," I agreed, letting my hands rest on top of his. "It will be nice, one day."

"Well, whenever you're ready," Chris paused to place a kiss on my neck. "Just let me know."

I smiled at his eagerness and turned my head to kiss his cheek.

"I will," I assured him. "And maybe, once the kids have gone home and Grayson's in bed, we could practice. Just so we know what we're doing when the time comes..."

"Oh, I know what I'm doing," Chris practically growled, his grip tightening around me to pull me closer against him. "Don't you worry about that."

I giggled at his confidence before wiggling out of his grasp and standing up from the stool I'd been sitting on.

"I'm not worried, but practice makes perfect, right?"

With a wink, I grabbed my wine and turned to leave the room and check on the kids. Our conversation had given me plenty to think about, but it was comforting as well. I had no doubts that one day I wanted to expand our little family and even if I wasn't quite ready yet, it was nice to know that Chris was on board.

The man was born to be a father, he excelled in every aspect of parenting, and I was grateful that I was the one who got to help him find that role and that I got to share the experience with him.

October + November [part one]

Tags: @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @zaylaugh @flowery-mess @flowerjewels @njrronaldo7 @hockeychick10 @partypoison00 @theladybiers @sidepieces @firoozehmoon @patzammit @sparkledfirecracker @mytbel0st @chvntelle-99

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fluff #once bitten/more hearts #only for a moment

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wellthatjusthappend · 2 years

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If you're still taking requests I'd like Jason coming back to Gotham with Babian and Blackmask offering to take care of them?

Roman never does anything without an ulterior motive. But that's ok, Jason's going to play him right back, and give Damian a chance to be a kid while he's at it.

The thing is, Jason knows he can’t go it alone.

Effectively, he’s just stolen the heir of League of Assassins. He’s got a death sentence on his head and there’s only one place where the League’s reach isn’t near absolute. Jason had always planned to come back to Gotham, this just moved up his plans a bit.

He just hadn’t been planning to do it with a toddler on his hip.

It’s not even his fucking kid- Bruce’s problems becoming everyones problems again- but he couldn’t leave him there. The kid should be finger painting and singing stupid little rhymes or whatever, instead they were making him practice basic fighting forms and recite league history and principles. Listening to the plans they had for the kid’s ‘education’ had made Jason sick.

Being forced to kill people before 6? Not on Jason’s watch.

So they’d left.

Damian screamed and kicked and threw a fit about the quality of the food and the stuffy travel conditions and the loud noises of the city, but he soaked up the hugs and cuddles Jason gave him like a sponge and settled pretty quick if Jason held him. Jason figured only Talia had been allowed before, and she had been more absent as Damian became more independent.

Fuck it, Jason could admit he was getting attached too. Call him soft.

Softness didn’t have much place in Gotham though.

On the one hand, they could go to Bruce… on the other, fuck no.

That didn’t leave them a lot of options. Going it alone with a kid was a good way to get his throat slit in the night and Damian taken away. And there was Gotham’s underbelly to be considered. You simply didn’t not swear your loyalty to one crime group or another, if only for the meager protection they might offer from their rivals.

In the years Jason had been gone, it’d only gotten worse.

Only an idiot would pledge to a 50/50 chance, so Two Face was out. Jason had lived under Penguin's turf when he was younger and he wasn’t eager to do it again. Fuck Joker. All Bane’s thugs were all pumped up on venom and Jason had no interest in that. Freeze was in Arkham.

He needed someone that would offer initial protection, but that he could dupe and influence and ultimately overthrow when he was ready.

“Black Mask, I was deeply honored for you to take such a personal interest in our plight,” Jason said with a slight bow, watching the crime lord with calculation from behind his blank red mask. Beside him, Damian dutifully copied him with a little golden mask hiding his own features.

“Cute,” Roman snorted, “Your demolition experience was certainly impressive, but what really caught my eye was your flair. Burning down your aunt's house and taking the only living heir with you so they’d be left to crumble in poverty- I said to myself, now that’s a man after my own heart. Fuck family, am I right?”

“Fuck family,” Jason agreed, holding Damian’s hand a little tighter.

“This is the start to something good, Red, I can already feel it,” Roman’s eyes glittered behind his mask.

“So can I.”

#story requests #story prompts #my writing #Roman has no idea what he's in for

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vivid-wisp · 3 years

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You know how it be suffering from big brainrot being into FNF so I’ve compiled a list of ideas for the characters. This is more so for myself but thought I'd share some of my ideas. Take this as you will, these headcanons are based on educated guesses, actual lore, or just for fun. I also really like explaining my reasoning for some stuff so be ready for that. Long post. :]

Boyfriend / BF

- Is asian specifically Japanese, based on the idea how the dev team like to agree Hatsune Miku is BF’s canon sibling. Can also be asian American.

- Despite his appearance BF is actually somewhat physically strong and capable. If he can’t rap battle someone he’d be down to beat someone up, based on the idea how PA (Phantom Arcade) says he sucks at FromSoftware games and would rather throw down IRL than in video games.

- Him and Pico were exes, but they dated when they were WAY YOUNGER, and this was before when BF or Pico knew how to handle a relationship properly. Pico was the one to call things off. (more on Pico’s section) They may still get kind of flustered around each other.

- For most of his childhood, BF never really felt like he stood out. It leads into the reason why he likes singing since it ironically feels like he's being heard, despite not really liking to talk a lot. He was a very quiet kid back then. He'd always liked singing and rapping, he just wasn't put into a position of intense judgement until meeting GF's father and mother, rockstar and ex-rockstar. Training arc begins.

- BF took courses/majored in music design or sound design in college, but dropped out to spend more time with Girlfriend and practice his musical talent himself seeing as it felt more natural than doing boring classes.

- Despite what people think, BF doesn’t dye his hair. It WAS a different color but a shade, like a lighter blue color when he was younger. (Based on Ninjamuffin/NM's recent AMA answers)

- BF owns a dog, not specific but definitely a large breed of dog that stays at home and is taken care of by his parents. He loves a lot of pets and animals, especially anything blue.

- It’s no surprise BF isn’t the smartest, but this comes from a place of putting on the “bad boy” act and being told he’d never make it anywhere in life so he never tried. BF is really a soft guy who deep down has a good heart and just wants to show his appreciation to the person (GF) who makes him feel okay knowing you don’t have to be the best.

- BF actually CAN speak, but chooses to be selectively mute. More so because he’s not the best when it comes to words, and he’s never felt the need to talk. Don’t expect much because like in Week 6, it’ll likely just be random noises he makes or his signature “beeps!” He still reacts, just with noises. (we ignore the logic of him singing it just sounds like beeps to us the players while everyone in universe perfectly understands) [just saw NM's recent AMA I GODDAMN CALLED IT LET'S GOOOO]

Girlfriend / GF

- GF unsurprisingly, has a very wealthy background and in turn family too. So she’s no stranger to most expensive things. This doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate anything BF gifts her, in fact she’s more than appreciative of anything if it comes from BF her love.

- May or may not be a demon like her parents but she doesn’t want to scare BF, and also has slight appearance anxieties about it so she chooses to hide it by staying in her “human” form. She's self conscious of appearing like a demon, and doesn't want to scare people away just based on her look.

- So yes GF can and will in fact beat you up, a lot more than BF if she really wanted to. Especially if she went into her demon form.

- Also not the brightest, due to her extravagant background she’s been so spoiled to the point where everything is handed to her on a silver plate. Which also means her intelligence. They're both himbo/bimbo dynamic I don’t make the rules sorry.

- Actually really good at singing herself too, she’s a bit more wonky with rapping but she’s still good. Ties into the fact GF is the first to teach you how to rap/sing in the tutorial. If she really wanted to, she would destroy BF in a singing battle.

- Kinda aloof and can be apathetic, but more in the sense of “oh cool" instead of a "not caring" feeling way. Like moving on from something that was most definitely not cool like oh my god does that monster with bloody human teeth have a lemon for a head-

- Absolutely adores the large height difference between her and BF. She loves picking BF up suddenly and swinging him around. It’s cute and funny to her. (BF likes the height difference dynamic too but he'd never admit it)

Pico

- Pico never went to college nor finished, instead he takes up jobs from around the city as a mercenary. He's so skilled to the point it pays well enough he doesn't really need a job. He owns a small apartment.

- He likes spending time when he's not on the job, around BF and GF but this is more so at a distance. He does hang out with them, but don't expect him to show up automatically by their side. Like maybe once a week.

- Despite his original job to kill BF, Pico is very protective of BF and looks out for him albeit distantly. He knows BF can handle himself, but he will risk jumping into a situation if BF needs help. ONLY when he needs help.

- Pico still spends time with Nene and Darnell, but this is more so as an acquaintance thing. They're still friends, but all three of their jobs (as assassin and mercs) make things kind of awkward and distance from one another.

- Pico has a lot of untreated trauma, whether that be PTSD, schizophrenia, OCD, etc, a lot of it is very untreated. While Pico is aware he has some mental health disorders he's not aware of ALL of them. He frankly doesn't care nor does he really feel like dedicating the time to properly help himself, which stems from his upbringing in his childhood, "deal with it" attitude back then. He doesn't think it's a big deal, even though deep down he knows he should seek help. Especially after hanging out with BF and GF who, unsurprisingly, are (relatively) normal in the head unlike his friends Nene and Darnell. His disorders disrupt his everyday life and living routine, he can have a lot of very bad days.

- Pico is a wannabe DJ, he likes to sing and rap but prefers the latter and likes listening to music more rather than doing it itself. When he was a kid he liked BF for his passion for singing and rapping, and admired him in a way.

- BF and Pico went to the same elementary school, and were very much friends. After the events of Pico's School, Pico acted very different than how BF knew him, and somewhere along that path BF and Pico decided to date each other when they were in middle school (at 13-14). This was very much a hasty decision and didn't end well. Pico was the one to break things off due to knowing he couldn't handle the responsibility of another person, especially in a relationship. He had too much on his plate already from the trauma that still haunted him, and also was around the time Pico told BF he would be getting homeschooled instead after many years of decision with Pico's parents. It was best to end things before they'd spiral and get worse.

- While BF was heartbroken, he knew it was for the better even if he was upset for quite a bit. After Pico became homeschooled and left middle school, BF noticeably became more quiet until he'd meet GF near the beginning of high school. Pico and BF tried to keep in contact, but eventually naturally just fell out of touch with each other, both too busy with their own lives now. Pico never really resolved his whole feelings issues, which still show up when he'd meet BF years later again but knows those feelings are best left behind.

- While Pico was very surprised and shocked to see BF again despite being commissioned to kill BF, BF himself was too busy being caught up in seeing an old friend again. Whether that be BF was either too dumb to realize he was being killed or because he was genuinely very happy to see his old friend again, the two had a small reconcile after so many years and decided to rap for old time's sake.

#fnf #friday night funkin #fnf pico #fnf boyfriend #fnf girlfriend #idk how else to tag the rest and I’m too lazy to look it up so those yup #I just thought this list would be fun to make :]#picos school #this is a really long post im so sorry to any poor soul who actually read all of this #also i just read through a lot of NM's answers in his recent AMA and one of them has ruined me dhmu going dark

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anambermusicbox · 3 years

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September 29 Day Countdown (27/29): 2021/01/15 Interview with iFeng Entertainment 凤凰网《非常道》

(11:20) Interviewer asks whether he’s more affected by hurtful words or kind words; Zhou Shen then goes on to talk about his relationship with his fans:

ZS: After all, I’ve now debuted for 6 years now- (*more subdued*) my skin has gotten thicker. Before, hurtful words had a very big impact on me. I’d see these words and think (*gasps*) What did I do wrong? Why do they have to say this about me? Do I have to change something? If I do this differently would they not say this about me?

But later I realized, no (*waves his hand dismissively*) To them, the people that don’t like you, as long as you exist, they won’t like you. So before, I would be affected a lot more by hurtful words, but now its about 51% and 49%, with that 51% being the hurtful words. But I’m working on flipping the percentages. This way, I think, I’m also doing right by the people who support me.

Interviewer: I think there are actually a lot of people who like you. (*ZS bows and thanks her awkwardly*) The other day, I was online and saw your fans professing their love, fussing over you. (*ZS laughs*)

ZS: Oh that’s right, because- a few days ago, I was doing a performance and- I don’t know if this is just what this fan says to singers they like, but they said (*cups hands around mouth*) (*extremely high pitched shout*) “Rest for a bit!! You’re tiring!!! Yourself!!! Out!!!!” (*laughs*) (T/N: It was after he filmed the winter-themed Happy Camp with the Onmyoji movie cast; there’s a video of the exact moment—super hilarious, I’ll put the link in the notes.) [...] I want to tell them, I’m doing fine here, don’t worry—I can take care of myself.

Interviewer: I think the way they talk to you is quite 没大没小 (referring someone to being disrespectful and talking to someone their senior the same way they talk to their peers; Zhou Shen looks quite shocked at her choice of words) They really treat you like (ZS, interjecting: a friend) someone they can throw jokes at, a kind of idol that is very close to them. How do you view the relationship between you and your fans?

ZS: Oh, I really don’t know. To be honest, I really don’t know. [...] Even now, sometimes I think they’re quite stupid. I say this because, sometimes, even if it’s just to see me sing one or two songs, they’ll stand outside the venue waiting for four to five hours on a harsh winter day. I feel really bad for them. But it’s like, to them this is one way they feel that they can give me strength, and I can’t tell them not to, because that would hurt them even more.

So sometimes I look at them and think, oh look at this stupid group of people, so idiotically supporting me. This kind of stupidity is really quite touching. I want to put forth my best effort to reciprocate what they do.

(14:55) Interviewer: “Do you have moments where you feel pretty rotten?”

ZS: Oh, too many. (Interviewer: Tell me about it, from the past to the present) Wow. Okay then we have to delay the program recording scheduled next (*laughs*) there’s a LOT. I mean, since my childhood, my classmates unintentionally- it was really unintentional, they didn’t have the maturity to know that their words would be hurtful. But to me, they were very hurtful. But you can’t blame them for it, because they didn’t understand anything at the time. (T/N: no you can totally blame them for it, you’re just a nice person shenshen)

And more recently, as an artist, I had my own “cold bench period.” I felt like, I was working so hard but no one was willing to listen to me sing. Not only that, I felt I didn’t have a way to be heard. Because there was a period of time when I didn’t really have any work and, wah, everyday I felt so purposeless; I was just a rain cloud, I was so discouraged (*laughs*)

Interviewer: What about now, now that you’re so busy?

ZS: If I’m tired, I’ll be happy because I’m happy that there are stages that *want* me to sing on them. [...] I worked so hard to stay in this profession because I wanted to be heard by others, and now that this day has finally come, with so many stages I can sing on, why wouldn’t I go?

(16:40) Talks about how he doesn’t mind labels, because that how someone remembers you; ZS: “I saw this one comment I really liked, this person was saying they always thought there were two Zhou Shen’s—a male one who was funny on variety shows, and a female one that sang deep emotional songs—until one day they watched a show and realized, what?? It’s one Zhou Shen???”

(18:30) Interviewer: As I’m conversing with you, I can feel very relaxed, very happy—that’s the feeling you give people. (*ZS bows and quietly thanks her*) But I know from looking at your past that your childhood was quite lonely. What makes you be able to still be so warm—that is, to go and bring others... happiness.

ZS: I think it’s because I’m really fortunate. Because... (*looks up in thought*) I... I grew up in a very remote mountainous village, but I’m really fortunate to have so many opportunities—coming into the city, being able to learn and come in contact with all the culture I love, and later even being about to devote myself to a career I love. I feel very fortunate.

And I know that, when you feel extremely alone, if you suddenly feel something like a beam of warmth, the joy or the kind of hope that can bring—when you receive it, you’re so happy. I think, I want to do that, if there’s a possibility I could have the honour to do that for someone else. I think it’s so important.

(21:00) Talks about his parents:

ZS: Even now, my mom and dad are still wanting to- still are running their small business that they love; I think it’s very laborious. I keep telling them, you both are getting older, you should take advantage of your age and go relax, enjoy yourselves. They say, no, we want to take some burden off of you, to which I’m like eh? (*leans over and covers mouth to whisper*) Mom you’re losing money every year. *laughs*

Especially with the pandemic, their lifestyles have had the most obvious impact. Because they’re not like the younger generation that can continue doing things online. All they’ve known is getting up early to open their storefront, staying there until it’s time to close at nightfall.

Interviewer: (21:55) Your parents, before they didn’t support you going into music. What about now?

ZS: They think it’s great now. But they worry because they feel they have no way to help me in this career. [...] They once said- I asked them something like this one day, how they want to help me now. They said they can give me their storefront. I told them, then don’t help me (*laughs*) Because I’ve used to help them watch the store all the time growing up! I used to be doing my homework at their storefront. Ever since I was little, I’ve always really disliked doing business. So I felt like, oh mom dad, no.

I’m really lucky. Even though my mom and dad don’t have very high education—it’s really quite low to be honest—they still chose to understand me. I’m very grateful to them.

(1:45) Interviewer asks what his first job was:

ZS: After I graduated from high school, my first job was selling phones. (Interviewer: Were you standing all day?) Yup, standing. [...] (Interviewer: So you have experience in the workplace?) Well, to be honest, I didn’t converse with people much in my so-called workplace—I have a very introverted personality; I’m not too fond of or good at talking to people.

Interviewer: Would someone who doesn’t like to talk to people be able to convince people to buy phones?

ZS: That’s why I didn’t sell any. (*bends over laughing*) You really had to say it so directly. (*laughs*) Zhuang-laoshi, you’re an accurate judge of people! (*gives her two thumbs up*) (*Interviewer laughs*)

(3:30) Interviewer tries asking him a question related to emotional intelligence (”qing shang”, 情商) but gets her words mixed up and says romance instead (”qing chang”, 情场); ZS: “Well, if we’re talking about romance, that’s an area I don’t have much experience in (*gets up and pretends to leave*) (Interviewer, laughing: To be honest, that’s the thing I really want to ask about.) Zhuang-laoshi, I really don’t have any experience with romance (*laughs*)

Interviewer: Okay what I was going to ask is, do you think EQ is important in the workplace?

ZS: Super important! For one thing, every workplace involves getting along with people, and part of the way you interact with people depends on your EQ.

Interviewer: But some people say that part of EQ is a skill, a means to an end—would it come off as insincere to others?

ZS: ?? (*blinks*) Can you give me an example?

Interviewer: Like for example, if I compliment you like “oh you’re such a great person (*half-hearted clapping*)” when I don’t truly mean it.

ZS: Oh that was so insincere (*makes faces*) (*Interviewer laughs*) I’m starting to question myself (*laughs*) I don’t think that’s a problem for me though. That’s why you shouldn’t force compliments. I think it’s important to be genuine with what you say—then people won’t think you’re being fake. If people think you’re being fake, that in itself already isn’t a display of good EQ. Be sincere, but try your hardest not to hurt others.

Interviewer: I want to ask another question-

ZS: Is it about romance? (*laughs*)

Interviewer, joking: We’ll talk about romance in a moment.

ZS: no nO NO LET’S NOT DO THAT (*laughs*)

(6:10) About how Zhou Shen didn’t expect to get along so well with everyone else in “An Exciting Offer”《令人心动的offer》:

ZS: On the first episode, every time I put in my own two cents, I had to work myself up just to speak up. My heart rate was through the roof, it was like- (*takes a deep breath*) (*raises hand*) “Laoshi? (*exaggerated suppressed panic*) Can I aSK a quESTION? (*pretends to look back and forth between the others*) (*Interviewer giggles*) I think this is just like, you see, I believe in the workplace, people who are have this personality-” How was I supposed to converse like this? (*laughs*)

So that was how I was for the first two episodes, but now in the later episodes, I got used to just casually interjecting whenever I felt like it. It was quite wonderful. The other teachers were very approachable, very friendly—it felt like, something you imagined before, but when you really are in such a group, it was like, oh this kind of goodness is something that actually exists. You feel very fortunate, very happy.

(8:50) Interviewer asks ZS if he ever lacks confidence; ZS replies that, even now, he’s not very confident:

ZS: Every time I’m on stage I get extremely extremely nervous. I’ll fear that, I won’t live up to the expectations of those who want to listen to me. But I’m slowly learning to- to get along with, to come to terms with this nervousness.

Interviewer: Then this year, you would’ve been so nervous all the time. Have you counted how many performances you had just this year?

ZS: I haven’t counted, but Shengmi, they compiled them all together and, excluding the ones that aren’t aired, there were over a hundred. Every single one of them, I’m behind the scenes like- (*makes loud deep-breathing-for-anxiety-reduction noises*) But I can’t let people see that so- (*dissolves into laughter*)

#zhou shen #周深 #my translations #mine #zs 29 #why is day 27 just as long as day 26 >.>#ngl these interviews are near the end of the countdown mostly bc i kept putting off translating them LMAO #when its so good that there's so many highlights but also that means it takes hours to translate :')#day 28 is gonna be pretty long too smh #i kinda put the questions more related to the variety show at the end but also god he's so relatable HAHAHA #rip 2020 shenshen he was just a ball of anxiety all the time asdfAFSDFASD #but the whole first section before the 'read more' is so :'))#i love him so much

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bangtanblurbs · 3 years

Text

young forever

song: young forever by BTS

first experience: strangely enough i have a very visceral memory of when forever young dropped. it was during finals week of my final year in undergrad. the song released on a sunday in the wee hours (or perhaps a monday? - days tend to run together during finals week). i didn’t have many assignments due that year since my course load was light and i was really just coasting into grad school the year afterwards (at the same institution i attend for undergrad). i remember logging onto youtube and catching the video as it premiered. i was stunned. HYYH pt. 1 and HYYH pt. 2 were heavenly to me, so of course young forever was greatly anticipated for me - the aesthetics, continuation of the story, and also simply getting new bangtan music. the cotton candy color pallet loaded onto my phone screen, and RM’s beautiful voice can through my earphones... i was immediately in love.

every member looked completely stunning. the message i got from the video was... incredibly powerful. the maze. the lyrics. all of it resonated with me, a young woman -- 22 years old -- soon to turn another corner in life. i sat in my dorm room preparing for a busy week, as i was the RA in my dormitory and needed to help my students move out that week... as i prepared for my graduation and transition into my next step in life... i was also shipping out to macau, china for the summer in a few weeks so i geared up for that. this video dropping was almost a breath of fresh air from everything going on. i was able to really sit and enjoy it, but also reflect on my past, present, and the future to come.

feelings: well, i have quite a lot. as someone who has been chronically obsessed with the story of peter pan since age seven, i’d say that youth is something i value - perhaps a bit too much. what’s interesting though is young forever isn’t necessarily about youth in the rawest sense... it’s also about dreams, reaching the point in your life where you’re happy, with yourself, your circumstances, ultimately your place in life. which i suppose most people equate that with youth, the innocence and naivety of it all. for me, thinking about forever young is kind of about that anxiety we carry as we get younger - have a made good use of my youth? did i squander it, getting caught up in the day to day or bogged down by my demons? the worry that our youth is our prime and when it’s gone, where do we go next? retire? it’s kind of funny thinking about this now as I’m 27 instead of 22. do i feel any older? no, not really - i feel the same. the same energy, the same zeal for life. do i look back on the days when i was younger and think that my youth is gone? no. for me - youth - it’s a state of mind. it’s an ethos, a way of proceeding forwards in my life. i didn’t always think this way - perhaps that was wrapped up in my anxiety about getting older. i used to lament my birthday each passing year - god turning 23 felt the absolute worst for some reason. it’s funny now though - how i almost feel younger, lighter, now than i did. youth should be a feeling of unburdened peace right? ideally it would seem so - but the reality in our world today... youth is pain. youth is struggling. youth is stumbling through the dark and trying to figure out who the hell you are, who the hell you want to be. i still feel like i’m stuck in that place, that place of wonder - of reaching out, exploring, experiencing... i feel as naïve as ever despite the pain that courses through some of my life.

so back to young forever - how does the song make me feel? it makes me feel at home. at peace. forever we can carry our youth, forever we can approach our lives with childish curiosity, with the energy to follow our dreams, with a dedication to our passion, and an and endless realization that change is the only constant in our lives. despite the ups and downs that might come with living with this mindset - i wouldn’t want to live any other way. what’s the point of continuing to grind hard every day in the cruel systems our society has built if we can’t at least say we did it with voracious appetite to experience fully our surroundings, emotions, and imaginations?

personal connection: it’s rather hard for me to nail down all of my personal connections to young forever. as i mentioned, i have a really strong connection to the story of peter pan. i’ll briefly explain why and how that plays in here - but i must warn you... if you’re uncomfortable with strangers oversharing on the internet, perhaps this isn’t the blog for you to read. i’m quite comfortable bearing my soul to people i don’t know. for some reason vulnerability has never been something i’ve struggled with - perhaps it’s the naivety i love about myself. anyways... here we go.

when i was 17 my best friend passed away from cancer. it was relatively quick. just a summer we spent together gossiping in a hospital room, machines beeping while we tried our very best just to giggle about boys and lament our torturous IB courses. i’d known her nearly my whole life. meeting in second grade - and bonding quickly over a love for the whimsy of peter pan’s story. we’d gush on the playground about flying away to neverland - where we could do whatever we wanted. explore, sing, fly. but she was gone then. gone far too soon. frozen in a youthful state in my mind. her passing is still the hardest thing i’ve ever been through in my life, and i’ve been through some scary shit. immediately when i hard young forever i thought about her. i thought about how she lived. she was fearless. the bravest and strongest person i ever knew, and still to this day, have ever known. knowing her - experiencing her soul - it changed me. once she passed away i had to be strong, my classmates looked to me as their rock, my parents forbid me to cry, everyone pushed me into adulthood way too quickly. i was just a seventeen year old girl. i was having a crisis - i wanted nothing more than to speak to my best friend as i navigated choosing my next steps after high school. but she wasn’t there, and i wasn’t allowed to feel. i was terrified. my youth was gone. nothing seemed fun anymore. youth became pain as i looked around at my peers who were back to normal in a matter of weeks. giggling with one another, moving along with life. i became a robot. quickly i threw myself into school work. i was already a high achieving student but i climbed higher. i worked harder. i had decided that for the life she couldn’t live, i would live it for her. i’d go to the best college i could, i’d do all the things i never dreamed i could. i’d do it for her. but i wasn’t living. i had let my youth go. i was fading away. just a shell.

it’s funny. or perhaps it’s not. young forever is a comfort song. a comfort song with some incredible darkness in it. the anxiety in namjoon’s verse, yoongi’s speaking to hiding feelings - pushing forward despite what he carries, hoseok’s verse about letting himself go and just giving what he has to keep pushing. their words - that’s how i felt. the song dropped around four years after my friend’s passing. i needed it before then. although perhaps it wouldn’t have “saved me” because music doesn’t save, music gives us the strength and comfort we need to save ourselves (i’m not a fan of taking way my own agency in MY story), it might have offered me a light in an increasingly blurry world.

a year prior to the song’s release i’d spent a summer in china. my life changed there. i lived with seven incredibly bright middle school girls. that experience, i never thought it would start to heal me the way it did. they were under immense pressure (the education system in china is total bullshit)... and they told me “caroline, youth is pain. it’s not beautiful. it’s a period where we struggle the most.” i’d never heard this. the typical western perspective is that youth is “the most beautiful part of life” - it’s where you fall in love, it’s where you get hurt and you pick yourself up, it’s where you find yourself, you feel invincible. but that’s just it - it’s also where you can get incredibly lost (like the maze in the video). not all of us experience youth without pain. this perspective helped me to heal. i wasn’t so alone - i wasn’t squandering my youth, sure - i was treading water - but that was okay. i could cry. i could feel. and so, at this point i began to write my own story again. rather than living for someone else, i decided to throw the book out the window, to pick myself and run like hell towards what i wanted. to accept the freefall of life. that’s youth. that’s the most beautiful part of life. the part where you free yourself from whatever chains society has on you. youth is only associated with being a child because that who should be the most free. when truly youth, youth is that period in your life when you learn to live for yourself, your dreams. dream, hope, keep going. don’t fucking stop.

so this brings us to 2016. i was weeks away from a new journey abroad when young forever dropped. i was doing better. life felt lighter. i still had a long way to go, but some things i’d gotten right. i gained confidence, i navigated my interpersonal relationships with more poise. etc etc. going to china the second time, it changed me more. i did things on my own i’d never dreamed of doing. crossing multiple national borders, making friends with people i couldn’t communicate with. i opened my heart to it all. and i fell in love with myself. for the first time. i fell in love with how completely i embraced my freedom and coupled it with my drive, my passions. that is what young forever is about. it’s about the struggle but the continued commitment to the state of mind that once you’re free - once you embraced that childlike state of being - you can achieve so much happiness.

which brings us to now - how do i connect to the song now? much in the same way that i did before. carrying these emotions connected to this song so deeply into adulthood has been incredibly touching. i’ve matured with bangtan. from 2015 to now. i’ve only grown in how i embrace my youth. sure, i have to conform at times, play the adult, but the motto “dream, hope, keep going.” that’s what i live by. nothing can change that for me now. i’m still fucking lost, but i’m running like hell. i have my setbacks, my demons, my challenges, but i’ve never been so fucking free. that’s young forever for me. thank you for reading my story.

song breakdown:

musically: something i truly love about young forever is that it’s really atypical in how it flows musically and the entire structure of the song. it’s creativity run wild - it’s a story and build. and i love that. it starts off slow, soft, with a sweet sadness. the highlight isn’t the backing track, it’s the honey rap voices. it’s absolutely perfect. understated and building. with each new voice that comes in the beat speeds up. it’s like running. which is fitting. because the story in the song is that of bangtan. the lyrics say it, the boys are worried - worried about how well they’ve done, when they’ll stop gaining success, concerned that all of this life will end, wondering who they are in this - the performance the journey. they are quite literally running towards their dreams. we see this in the song lyrically.

once the chorus comes, we need an increased speed in the beat and the song picks up with the chanting of the mantra. “forever, we are young.” us together, bangtan and ARMY. the song fades into the beautiful clapping beat, the refrains of dream, hope, keep going. musically the song is beautifully understated in a way that can only draw out the listeners’ emotions and highlight the charged encouraging lyrics. the story here is clear and only more illuminated by the musical choices.

vocally: young forever is such a treat. it’s a rap heavy song, but not in a way that takes away from the beautiful second half of the song which is full of beautiful vocal line refrains and ad libs. it’s a chant song. a comfort song. and perhaps that’s why it’s stuck with me for all these years as one of my ultimate favorite BTS songs.

when the song begins we are greet by namjoon’s beautiful low rap register. he delivers the rap melodically slow. you can appreciate the way his voice carries emotion and the tempo of the beginning story, of the emotional journey the song embarks upon. following namjoon’s beautiful voice is yoongi. who assumes a slower rap style initially. he has a few parts where he treats us to shout rapping as well - which give us kind of a pleading emotion - we can hear his lament for the pressure placed upon him as he stands in the spotlight. finally, rapline is rounded out by hoseok - i’m gonna say it - this is one of hoseok’s best slow verses. he offers his usual spicy tone, giving the trap style endings to each line. the emotion hits it’s peak with the punch tones and hoseok’s strong committment to his lines expressing his desires, his drive.

the second half of the song is dominated by the beautiful tones of vocal line. taehyung leads us into the chorus with his beautiful deep register, followed by jungkook’s high tones. the juxtaposition of their voices coupled by jin and backed by jimin’s beautiful melodies is absolutely stunning. rapline takes turns coming in with the refrain “dream, hope, keep going.” all of this mixed together is simply stunning. it’s like hope in vocal form. we have the low and the highs, the singing voices and the speaking refrains. most devastatingly is jimin’s forever ever ever - piercing the background of the song. highlighting the longing - the conviction - to youth - the spirit of it, the beauty of it. the chant portion of the song is also what makes this song so devastating to hear live. everyone comes in, blends together and makes the message resonate completely.

lyrically: here. we. go. a DEEP DIVE. i think firstly, it’s important to start with the fact that we have a song, young forever, that was released as the epilogue to two devastating HYYH albums. HYYH was the epitome of youth themed albums. it encapsulated everything we associate typically with youth. love songs, songs about pain, songs about healing, songs about not being enough, songs about our dreams, songs about being lonely... it’s all there. both the beauty of youth and the beautiful pain of youth dominate HYYH pt. 1 and HYYH pt. 2. then, those messages, those themes, were sealed with epilogue: young forever. why? well, my feeling is this is bangtan’s way of leaving us with the reality that youth isn’t something that’s fleeting. it’s not an age or state in time. it’s something we carry within. it’s how we approach the things we confront in our lives, how we live and move forward through adversity towards our passions and dreams.

now - with that out of the way it’s time to dissect some lyrics. there’s quite a lot here in the three rap verses so i truly hope to do them justice.

namjoon’s verse starts like a story, “the curtain falls” the end of a performance, often used as metaphor for the end of a certain point in one’s life. “the curtain falls and i’m out of breath / i get mixed feelings as i breathe out” clearly the chapter that’s closing for him has been an exhausting one, but he’s not sure about moving forward even though now he has the time to finally reflect and see what he wants next. to me, this speaks directly to where bangtan was at this point in their career. they’d been through the bullshit - the trainee days, the ridicule, the exclusion from the typical korean music system... they’d made it. I NEED U had one awards, RUN did as well, 2016 bangtan had begun to see the fruit of their labor pay off - but with that, what’s next. where do they climb next? what’s to come? there’s that feeling of unease for namjoon. “did I make any mistakes today? / how did the audience seem?” are the next lines, bringing in that sense of reflection. even though now he can breathe - he worries, what’s his impact, how do people feel about what he’s given them, did he have shortcomings? these thoughts flood in and set the mood for the next steps forward. these questions only become more as the pressure continues. the next and final three lines of namjoon’s verse group well together and offer us much more hope that the foreboding in the start of the verse: “i’m happy with who i’ve become / that i can make someone scream with joy / still excited from the performance.” the peace in these final lines, it’s kind of like the rest of the song - starting with the hardship, the unease, what must or has been overcome - mellowing out to realization that things will keep going on. namjoon is at peace with where is at the end of this chapter, he is glad he can stand on this stage bringing smiles to faces, and finally - the buzz of just being able to do music, that remains with him through all of the constant pressure. something about these lines, they’re beautiful.

just like that, yoongi’s verse begins. he provides the same metaphor to the listener. he is standing on an empty stage. the performance is over. the chapter is closing. HYYH is becoming the past for BTS. the struggles, will they be over too as they move forward with their progressing careers? “i stand on the empty stage while holding onto an aftertaste that will not linger for long” he begins - he knows that the high of this moment, the place they’ve reached in this time... it can’t be forever, the emotions of it all are beginning to fade into something else. he then moves on to offer some more insight into how he feels about that unknown of moving on: “while standing on this empty stage, i become afraid of this unpleasant emptiness.” this line seems telling to me - yoongi is someone that gets a lot from recognition, achievement, sharing his works with others. leaving the stage, moving away from this performance moment... it’s hard on him... he feels empty, his moment, his purpose - they’re over... at least for now. the anxiety seeps in. “within my suffocating feelings / on top of my life’s line” he starts to try and explain deeper his emotions, suffocation, a feeling of panic, likely anxiety or pressure induced. what’s next? will it demand more? he’s on top of his life’s line - he feels like he’s reaching his peak, not knowing where to go next, plateau? down? yoongi then lodges into almost a picture perfect description of what society can make us do in moments of pressure where we are feeling anxiety or panic - “without a reason, i forcibly act that i am fine / this isn’t the first time, i better get used to it” he’s going to put on a strong face, suppress how he really feels because at some point there could be another audience, he remains on the stage even if the curtains have closed. he forces himself to do so, and it’s a habitual thing for him. it sounds like truly this is habitual for yoongi - really needing to mask his fear, his panic, his anxiety for the sake of those watching. it tears me up, because it seems like he also knows that this will continue in his future. and the he realizes that keeping the mask on, it’s not something he’s able to do or perhaps interested in doing “i try to hide it, but i can’t.” the final lines of his verse leave us with some unease - they’re unclear - but perhaps they’re speaking to the fact that performing won’t be his forever... “when the heat of the show cools down / i leave the empty seats behind,” so at some point -- the excitement, the hype, it will be gone... those who want to see him, they’ll be gone too, and he’ll move on to what is next. or perhaps this could allude to the fact that the pressure of those watching goes away and he will finally feel comfortable? there’s a lot here. a lot left up and open.

and finally we round out rapline with hoseok’s verse - which leads us into the chorus and refrains. the first three lines of hoseok’s part go hand in hand with one another - they’re a natural progress of coping with one’s emotions and situation: “trying to comfort myself / i tell myself the world can’t be perfect / i start to let myself go.” the chapter is closing and hoseok is trying to tell himself, it’ll be okay. almost like listening to the song young forever - seeking comfort. a home. realizing that things aren’t always going to go his way, he can’t have this moment forever, and sometimes things are going to be ups and downs... the final line is perhaps the most startling, letting oneself go. realizing that there’s some pieces of yourself that are okay to let go, whatever is holding you back, keeping you stuck, sometimes we need to shed that to go forward with the youthful exploration that keeps life invigorating and exciting. or perhaps hoseok is thinking about the day in which he will let “j-hope” go and just be hoseok, without a stage in the traditional sense. “the thundering applause, i can’t own it forever” he moves on saying that this life won’t be his forever, at some point he will need to move on - realize that this moment is down, lose himself to it, and see what is next. yet - even with this knowledge hoseok continues “i tell myself, so shameless / raise your voice higher” it seems that there’s a conflict he’s facing - letting this moment go or screaming as loud as he can to hold onto it, and shamelessly so - letting go of all the constructed norms for how he should behave. perhaps, holding onto his YOUTH even as he grows older in age and should grow away from a youthful mentality. he is raising his voice and hopefully pushing forwards, perhaps just away from this stage and onto an even larger one. it seems this is the case “even if the attention isn’t forever, i’ll keep singing” he states. he will hold onto his passion, keep moving forwards with his music, his voice, his connection to whatever it is that wants to be connected to him - because this is his very soul and being. finally - hoseok closes out his verse “as today’s me, i want eternity / forever, i want to be young.” it seems that hoseok is choosing to be who he is at this moment, his youthful self, as long as he goes on. he will leave this version of himself, this beautiful, loving, hopeful version of himself as his mark on the earth for eternity.

moving into the chorus we have the iconic title line “forever we are young” which to me, it’s about taking youth forward with you in all that you do. taking your passion, your drive, your love, your hope -- pouring it into all that you do and not letting the outside spoil you and take that from you. keeping your passions and running towards them. that’s the core of the message in young forever.

jungkook then croons “under the flower petals raining down / i run, so lost in this maze” bringing us to think about how seasons change - flower petals can fall because of their abundance but also because they we are moving into winter. either way, the analogy of flowers is hopeful to me. blossoms on trees - the return in time. not the same blossoms, but just as beautiful as the previous ones. perhaps he’s speaking to the fact that the blossoms are falling now as the chapter is ending - which leads into the feeling of lost, of being in a maze... but the reality is, the flowers will come again. the can come again. so long as they keep running - there’s a chance for this beautiful moment to happen once again. that’s youth. perhaps you have your ups and downs, your moments in the sun (your spring days) and your cold days... but keep running, keep your energy, dream, hope, keep going. and you can return.

jin then offers the other refrain “even when i fall and hurt myself / i endlessly run toward my dream.” THIS is youth. this is it. that almost stupid attitude of not recognizing when you’re down and out... not recognizing when perhaps you should stop. turning up the energy at your weakest point even when authority is telling you to let it go. this is the essence of youthful hope and energy. even if they’ve failed, even at their lowest point, they’re cementing that they won’t stop until they achieve their dreams. once again. dream. hope. keep going. just keep fucking going.

finally the other refrain that is repeated throughout the chorus: dream. hope. forward. forward. is the direct translation. but, many would say it’s dream. hope. keep going. this is youth. our dreams, childish and pure. our hope, what we pour into ourselves, what we surround ourselves with - the light that keeps us going. and then constantly moving forward continuing even when our odds look bad. this shit resonates. bangtan did it. they dreamed, 7 boys at a small company. they hoped, holding onto one another, working hard, baby steps forward. they kept going. no matter the ridicule, the setbacks, they pushed forward. these words - they mean the world to me as i’ve pushed through shit in my life. i’m only where i am today because i, by some miracle, internalized this youthful mantra. allowing myself to dream, those moments of hope, pushing forward no matter what. that’s youth. that’s young forever.

performance: well this is shaping up to be quite a long post. i want to discuss both the MV and how live performances typically proceed. i’ve also attached to this post my personal video of young forever at the HYYH: the epilogue tour in macau. sorry for my screaming in advance.

MV: the MV is really interesting for the HYYH universe, although the same could be said for save me, which is technically in the universe... BUT the fact that the MV steps away from the storylines and almost takes us into the minds of the characters bangtan is playing is an interesting choice. we start off the video with the boys in a chain-linked fence maze, wandering around, and flashbacks for each of there characters. the overall aesthetic of the video fits with the lyrics and these feelings of uncertainty... the feeling of being lost... wandering from phase to phase in life. early on we see a scene of yoongi burning photos from the HYYH era - truly this song is about death to the past a new beginnings, overcoming the past but moving forward with the pieces of you that are important. the highlighting of the text “꿈 희망 전진 전진” or dream, hope, keep going - making it the mantra of the song. keep moving, keep running. almost it seems like the characters are running away from their demons as well. the members running off into the sunset together? it’s all about endings. new beginnings. but taking them on with determination and an attitude of childlike awe, glee, dreams, and determination.

performance: we’ve all seen the iconic wembley performance. we’ve probably all cried over it more than once. maybe it’s your comfort video? maybe it’s secretly mine (ha!). i can tell you, experiencing this song live... there’s really nothing like it. it’s understated. there’s no dance. nothing like that.

in the performances - namjoon appears alone in a starlight stage with the lyrics scrawling on a screen behind him. the lights are all dark, deep blue tones everywhere, it feels dreamy. the entire crowd is brought into a dream like state. it’s fitting, its absolutely fitting and incredibly stunning. yoongi then appears to namjoon’s left and hoseok to his right to be spotlighted for their respective verses. the emotion is everywhere. the song is even more incredible with a live band. you cannot imagine it. the chorus arrives with a change in vibe, a beautiful sunset is projected and the vocal line appears from the floor. all of the members stand shoulder to shoulder and belt the chorus and refrain. and you would not believe how devastatingly beautiful it is to hear ARMY shouting along. forever we are young. kkum, huimang, jeonjin, jeonjin. shouting together. again and again. clapping with one another. waving ARMY bombs. it’s completely emotional. i cried. i cried on the strangers next to me, that didn’t speak my language. there is nothing like it.

i must also note, the concert i was at we were all distributed lightsticks and banners with 꿈 희망 전진 전진 written on them. this song has been important since it released. it’s the core of bangtan’s rise. it is so important to these boys. and to many of us fans as well.

now - a word about what happened at wembley. bangtan had no idea that ARMY would sing young forever TO them. at WEMBLEY. fans who likely do not speak korean. chanting their mantra to them “kkum, huimang, jeonjin, jeonjin” and singing “foreverrrrr we are younnnnng” and saying they will keep going. they will walk their journey towards their dreams. something about that, it’s incredibly toughing. you and i cannot imagine how that must have felt for bangtan. the moment must have been completely surreal. one of the world’s largest stages, playing one of the most meaningful songs of their careers - a song meant to memorialize their climb to fame, their accomplishments, their youth that they likely felt the LOST during this climb to where they are now. jimin himself said that night “this song. wow. this song helped me a lot when things were really hard.” young forever means so very much to bangtan. it always has. and their fans chose that very song. we chose that song (rather we were there or not). it’s our mantra too. whatever we go through, we are on this journey, and we are not alone. we are not alone. we can muster the strength to carry on with that same youthful zeal for life. watching that video... it’s moving. it’s completely incredible. to be a part of this journey... just wow.

tl;dr: in conclusion... young forever is one of the BTS songs that has the most touching meanings, and it came at a very delicate time in their career. a time when they were finally getting the recognition they deserved and sought for a long time. a time when they were pivoting from “young” to “young adult.” a time when they likely struggled with a loss of their youth. all of this... it’s powerful because it’s not alien for those of us normal people. we all feel this. i’ve felt it as i’ve gone through tough shit and came out the other side changed, only to have to find my way through the maze and back to myself. youth and being young, it’s a state of mind. i think bangtan sincerely know and believe this. that’s what makes the song and the message it carries so incredibly powerful. so meaningful to us all. thanks for reading yet again.

#bts #bangtan #jin #j-hope #hoseok #namjoon #rm #army #jungkook #taehyung #jimin #yoongi #suga #Lyrics #hyyh #Young forever #analysis

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strrwbrrryjam · 3 years

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Iroh

In reference to @volkswagonblues poll on the Avatar: The Last Airbender Fandom. So I thought I’d give my own two cents. Throughout my blog, you can read that I have only ever said positive things about both Zuko and Iroh, most of it being so that they are my comfort characters, but I know that they have flaws and that it is their flaws that make them who they are.

To me, Iroh is one of the most morally grey characters in the show, his good and bad qualities balance each other out, he most definitely has his flaws and can come across as one-minded and hypocritical of certain characters, most of it coming down to his treatment of his niece, each of which I will talk about in this character analysis, if that is what you can call it.

Iroh’s Relationship with Azula

Iroh’s relationship with Azula is one of the reasons that many seem to hate him, most of who in fact criticize him for his famous line, “She’s crazy and she needs to go down,” from Bitter Work, Season 2 Episode 9. But, people seem to forget that she almost killed him, using lightning, which many do not survive from. There are many instances in the real world where teenage girls are charged with attempted murder, who can and do go to jail, Such as:

Recently, a fourteen-year-old girl charged with attempted murder on the Isle of Wight, where she can be sentenced to a maximum term of life imprisonment with a starting point of 6 years in custody.

The famous Slender Man stabbing where two twelve-year-old girls were found not guilty of stabbing another girl nineteen times, both of who had been found not guilty but sent to a mental institution of twenty-five to sixty-five years respectively.

In Florida, a fourteen-year-old boy was charged with attempted murder of three police deputies and is fleeing from the law, being charged with three counts of attempted murder of a law enforcement officer, armed burglary, and theft of a firearm.

But listen, the context of this line is critically important, as he is with one child, who has been repeatedly tormented throughout his childhood, who, again, has almost been killed by the same child several times prior, asking whether he still should get along with his sister who is actively trying to do harm to him. If he tries to get along with Azula, he is repeatedly putting himself in harm's way because Azula is not above manipulating him into believing that his father can love him, that he has to constantly remind himself, that she always lies. Azula may be a child, a child who has been emotionally abused her whole life and has been propagandized to believe that what she was doing is right. She showed no doubt to this, wholeheartedly believing that the only way to survive in this world is that others have to fall. But she is still responsible for her own actions, just as anyone else is, no matter the age.

Their relationship is none existent, Iroh does not know Azula. Iroh does not know Zuko or Azula at this age, being a general at the time, plotting for the Siege of Ba Sing Se. Azula has repeatedly shown distaste to Iroh, actively wishing death on him at a young age to pave way for her own father, Ozai. When learning of her own cousin's death, and how Iroh crumpled in relief, she calls him a “quitter” and a “loser,” saying that a real general would “burn Ba Sing Se to the ground.”

Azula is Ozai’s favored child, the golden child. She is everything Ozai wants in a child, so, therefore, he would not let Iroh, who is actively one of Ozai’s threats to the claim to the throne, even corrupt his perfect pawn for his plan of world domination, he does not care for Zuko, believing that he is lesser for not being a child prodigy, which is why he likely has no qualms about Iroh joining Zuko. Azula actively dismisses Iroh when he shows her one of his tricks, in the Crossroads of Destiny, Season 2 Episode 20, while Zuko, knows exactly what his Uncle is talking about. While yes, Azula’s situation is downright dreadful, and Ursa should have most definitely done better in parenting Azula, actively being there for her, teaching her the right from wrong, and not letting her daughter think that her mother thinks of her as being a monster. “Uncle” Iroh has no chances to do so. Yes, he could have tried, yes, he should have tried, but during this time in the show, Azula is under the watchful eye of Ozai and he has no chance to.

Side Note: Out of anyone in the show, I would think of it being Iroh who knows when their younger siblings are going down a dark path, considering who his younger brother is.

Iroh’s Treatment of Women

This is most definitely a valid reason to dislike him. As a person who presents as a female, sometimes. Whenever I see Iroh, flirt, or for lack of a better word, perv and flirt his way out of situations, has always creeped me out, this doesn’t even have to be an old man, like Iroh, I get actively creeped out when Lucifer, played by Tom Ellis, does so. Please, please stop this trope of men and women actively flirting their way out of situations, showing the respective sex as nothing but a piece of meat. I always cringe when anyone does so, especially Iroh. I couldn’t even watch it when June had fallen and Iroh had faked paralysis because of how utterly disgusting it was.

Iroh is a War Criminal

This is an utterly undeniable fact. It is also one of the reasons why Iroh cannot and should not rule the Fire Nation. He had redeemed himself to an extent, but he should have and could have done more. Yes, he was grieving, and yes, he lost his son. But so had many others, people who worked for him, had lost their lives, and he had done nothing once he returned from his two-year spiritual journey. He could actively afford to do nothing while the people of the Fire Nation couldn’t because he had wealth while they did not. Also, his retreat at the Fire Nation, is a tragedy but also one of the many reasons why the people of the Fire Nation could not have Iroh on the throne. Because, imagine, the only reason why they retreated was that someone more important than their sons and daughters, thousands had lost their lives to the greed of this one man. It makes him not only actively hated throughout the Earth Kingdom but the Fire Nation too.

Iroh’s Decision in the Comics

Listen, I myself am a firm believer that comics, do not exist. They have their own issues and the Promise, to me, is utterly horrible. It fails as a continuation of the beloved series that is Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Iroh’s decision to have Zuko as the Fire Lord has its own faults, yes, leaving a sixteen-year-old on the throne to a country that has devoted itself to war sounds like a terrible idea, and it is, but I understand why Zuko was a perfect choice, and why they cannot abolish the monarchy this soon after the war.

Zuko is the Perfect Choice™ for Fire Lord.

They cannot abolish the Monarchy.

Zuko has the perfect story, for the rest of the world. He loves his people, does not care for the noble class, and actively spoke out against the war, albeit for his own people. He was banished and branded for his compassion and love, actively succeeded in the impossible task he was sent out to do, but in doing so learns of the fact that what his nation is doing is wrong and has the veil of propaganda lifted from his eyes. Leaving his nation he worked so hard to fight against the world and return to his nation as Fire Lord Zuko, Bender of Dragon Fire. He has shown compassion, dedication, and yes, unquestionable honor. He has been trained for this his whole life, as the replacement heir, and while ‘Zuko only having a thirteen-year-old education’ is a fun thought, I highly doubt that Iroh, who sounded so sure of Zuko being the Fire Lord would let him slip on his education.

People in a country, those who are sane, do not actively wish for war. When they have children and grandchildren that they wish to see grow and have their own families, they have no reason to go to war, which is why you have fed your nations lies and propaganda to believe that war is beneficial to them, which is what Sozin had done. When your president is ‘chosen’ by your patient spirit, who speaks through your Fire Lord, who are you to question them? They went to war because they believed it was right, they were being told it was right, they trust their spirit, therefore, they trust their Fire Lord. To abolish the monarchy so soon after the war, would lead them down a downward spiral to destruction, for them and the other nations.

However, despite this, Iroh’s decision to stay in Ba Sing Se while his beloved nephew is actively suicidal and leading another war on the Earth Kingdom while he serves goddam tea is utterly despicable and devastating. Yes, I understand having Iroh being watched in the Earth Kingdom so Zuko is not seen as a Puppet King is a valid complaint, but having one traumatized nephew, from a lifetime of abuse, death, abandonment and leave him alone on a thrown with nobles who actively hate him for ending the war? It is one of the stupidest things in the world, Iroh should at least have stepped up as regent or something, just staying there with his so-called “son” so Zuko doesn’t plunge to his death, is pretty good idea.

Iroh’s Relationship with Zuko

Iroh’s relationship with Zuko is one of the most heart-warming and -wrenching relationships in the series. It pulls at the heartstrings in all the right ways. Here is an Uncle who lost his son, and a Nephew who never had a father and they find each other.

Even in Season One, where Zuko is at his worst, he still shows that he cares for his Uncle by, yes, despite having a small tantrum, he still concedes with Iroh’s request, no matter how silly it is. He shouts, shoots fire, yells insults, but he still does so. Iroh’s silly requests are ways to delay Zuko going back to his father, who doesn’t want him, he respects him, knows that it is good in his heart. He is so attuned to him that he knows what is thinking, he calls him ‘honorable’ and instead of bringing it up again to Zuko’s question, he talks about tea, which tells Zuko that his honor was always unquestionable. Zuko gives up his chance to go after them to save his Uncle, and Iroh doesn’t even doubt that Zuko will choose him. He takes care of him and nurtures this broken boy into something wonderful.

In Season Two, they are forced into an uncomfortable situation where they hit the lowest of the lows, yet they still care for each other, yes Iroh disapproves of Zuko’s highway robbery streak, he knows this is how Zuko needs to cope with this. When someone assaults Iroh, Zuko works on his revenge to steal from him. Their relationship is tested, they still need each other and very much care for each other. He isn’t happy in Ba Sing Se, but he goes along with what his Uncle wants because it makes him happy. But, he isn’t ready yet, as an example in “Hello, Future Me,” video on On Writing: Redemption Arcs his view of the world has changed, his view of himself has changed, but he hasn’t had the capability to change his stakes because he isn’t ready to redeem himself because he still believes that there is a chance that his dad still loves him.

We don’t get much of Iroh and Zuko together in Season Three, for very good reasons, yet Zuko’s continuous visits to Iroh, he still values his opinion. His stakes are changing and his Uncle is the person he goes to when he doesn’t know of his place in the world. When he leaves, he works his way to breaking Iroh out of jail, but he’s too late. When he begins to join the others, he’s still in enemy territory, but he still becomes the missing piece Team Avatar needs, Iroh is regularly mentioned despite never being there because Zuko both loves and misses him so much that it doesn’t matter the company that he is in, whether in a group of technically enemies or friends. That apology scene is one of the best scenes in Avatar: The Last Airbender. Zuko got Iroh locked up and possibly marked for death, as Iroh committed Treason for helping the Avatar and Zuko still receives unconditional love, many of whom will not be received with such.

Conclusion

Listen, Iroh has many qualities to like and has many that he doesn’t. Both opinions of him being a hypocrite war criminal who peeves on women and a man who is working to redeem himself. He is both of them and that's what makes it great, Avatar: The Last Airbender is one of those shows that all characters have flaws, even Mentor characters who take as in children who have lost everything and had none of it in the beginning. You can love him and hate him and that's okay.

I love Iroh, despite his faults, because as someone whose childhood has been far from ideal due to parents and siblings, having a lonely childhood, full of depression and neglect, I would have loved someone like Iroh to take me in and help me.

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itzleon345 · 4 years

Text

Dianakko Week

@dianakko-week

Day 5: Hurt/Comfort

Yeah, You’ll Blow Us All Away

Read it in AO3 here!

Summary:

Bernadette is sure Diana is going to be a great witch

“...You will come of age with our young nation

We'll bleed and fight for you

We'll make it right for you

If we lay a strong enough foundation

We'll pass it on to you

We'll give the world to you

And you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday

Yeah, you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday”

“Can you sing it once more?”

A little girl with blue eyes asked to her mother

“Diana honey, it’s time for you to go to bed”

The woman answered

“But mother! I’m not sleepy”

The girl exclaimed with a cute pout on her face

“Let’s make a deal then, I’ll sing the song again if…”

The woman with equally beautiful blue eyes started saying to her daughter

“Yes?”

The little one said with anticipation

“If... this time you sing with me!”

The older one finally said

“Okey!”

Both of them were in the bedroom of the younger one, which was laying in her bed ready to sleep. The girl’s room was quite big for a 7 year old kid but, would you blame them? They were part of the Cavendish family, one of the wealthiest and ancient families in all Europe, also, they were a very well respected family in the magical world thanks to their history as powerful healers

These two women in specific were Bernadette Cavendish, the current head of the house, and Diana Cavendish, her predecessor and only daughter.

As every night Lady Bernadette went to her daughter’s room to tuck her in bed and to sing to her her favorite lullaby song, this moment of the day was a very valued moment for both of them, ‘cause even though they were mother and daughter, thanks to Bernadette’s responsibilities as the head of the house and Diana’s education to become a witch they weren’t together most of the time, and it was just in moments like this one that they could enjoy the company of each other.

It’s also worth to say that Lady Bernadette was sick, since she was young her body was fragile and weak, and when she gave birth to Diana her condition worsened, she knew she wasn’t going to be able to see her daughter grow, so she really treasured every moment she was by her daughter’s side because she knew one day she would have to go.

Diana wasn’t dumb, she may be young but that didn’t mean she was stupid, she also knew her mother was sick, she didn’t knew why or when was she going the get better but she understood why her mother was always working in her room, either ways she was happy they could share this moments together, she is quite sure they would have a lots more memories to made.

*one year later*

“Diana dearie, come here please”

It was a summer evening when Lady Bernadette requested the presence of her beloved daughter, even though the sun was shining majestically on the outside of the manor Bernadette’s bedroom was cold

“Yes, mother?”

Diana was slightly confused, she didn’t know the reason her mother wanted to see her at this hour, and even more strange she didn’t understand why when she was going to her mother’s room the doctor who was attending her mother looked at her with sadness in his eyes

“Come sit here, I would like to make you a request”

The older woman was sitting on her bed, her back was laying on the top of the bed and while Diana was coming closer she started to have a coughing attack

“Mother! Are you alright!”

The younger Cavendish ran to her mother’s side to check if she was okey

“Don’t worry Diana, I’m quite alright”

Bernadette said with a forced smile in her face, gesture that Diana notice but didn’t mentioned

“What is your request, mother?”

Diana was now sitting in a chair at the left side of her mother’s bed, she was holding one of her weak hands with caution

“First of all I want to tell you that I love you my little princess, I’m proud of you Diana, be sure to remember that”

The woman said to her daughter with a real smile this time

“What are you saying mother? I’m sure you’ll be here to tell me that in the future”

The heiress said with a notable confusion and innocence

“I’m sure I’ll be, don’t I?”

A small bittersweet chuckle escape from her lips

“Anyways, dearie, I’m a little sleepy, would you sing for me?”

Bernadette asked to her daughter

“Of course, can I lie next to you?”

She said as she got of the chair she was sitting on

“Sure thing sweetheart, come lie with me”

First of all Diana helped her mother to lie down properly and then she put herself at her mother’s side holding her hand

“Dear Theodosia, what to say to you?

You have my eyes

You have your mother's name”

The blue eyed girl started to sing with her cute voice

“When you came into the world

You cried and it broke my heart”

Out of nowhere she felt a couple of tears forming in her eyes

“I'm dedicating every day to you

Domestic life was never quite my style

When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart

And I thought I was so smart”

Her mother was looking at her with tired eyes and a shining smile

“You will come of age with our young nation

We'll bleed and fight for you

We'll make it right for you”

The older woman started humming at the rhythm of the song

“If we lay a strong enough foundation

We'll pass it on to you

We'll give the world to you

And you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday

Yeah, you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday”

Bernadette started crying as she squeezed Diana’s hand

“Are you okay mom?”

Diana stopped her chanting

“Yeah dearie, please continue”

The Cavendish head said

“My father wasn't around”

Diana continued

“My father wasn’t around”

Bernadette sang the second line

“I swear that I'll be around for you”

They sang in unison, at this moment Diana was smiling too

“I'll do whatever it takes”

Diana was happy she was with her mother, she was the only person that really cared about her because she was Diana, not Diana Cavendish

“I'll make a million mistakes”

Bernadette knew this was the last time she would sing besides her daughter

“I'll make the world safe and sound for you”

They sang together again

“Will come of age with our young nation

We'll bleed and fight for you,

We'll make it right for you”

The song was about to end and Diana wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen.

When Diana was about to sing the last verse Bernadette stopped her with a single glance as she started singing that last and beautiful verse

“If we lay a strong enough foundation

We'll pass it on to you

We'll give the world to you

And you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday”

As the song was ending Bernadette’s voice started fading

“Come closer dearie”

She said with a cough, Diana did as she was said, she came closer to her mother which all of her strength took Diana’s hand with both of hers

“Yeah, you'll blow us all away

Someday, someday”

The strength in Bernadette’s grip was vanishing

“Thank you Diana”

Was the last thing she said before closing her eyes

“Mother?”

Diana’s heart was beating in fear

“Mother are you alright?”

She tried to move Bernadette’s body with no avail

“Mommy?”

Tears started streaming out of her young eyes, she touch her mother’s hand once again but it was cold

“Who I’ll blow you away if you are not here?”

She asked to the air.

That beautiful summer evening was the day Bernadette Cavendish left this world.

*nine year later (present day)*

It has been nine years since you passed away, a lot of things happened in those years, I got into Luna Nova (as I’ve told you before), I saved the academy a couple of times from bankruptcy, I met a lot of people, I even met my idol! Shiny Chariot was my astrology teacher, can you believe it?!

I also met Atsuko Kagari, an hyperactive girl obsessed with Chariot, the first day we met she literally claim she would be the best witch of all times, she said she would make people smile with her magic, at first I thought she was extremely naive and dumb in some sort of way, she couldn’t fly a broom and she thought she could be the greatest witch, what a joke!

But you know, as the time passed I realized she wasn’t bad at all, yeah she was too optimistic and an extremist but either ways she accomplished what I could never do, she even went to our house to get me back, she didn’t let me give up my studies and friends!

Also, apparently, she was the “chosen one”, that means she was the wielder of the Claiomh Solais, when I first discovered that fact I was little jealous of her, I couldn’t understand why she, a girl from a non witch family, could be the one to restore magic, but at the end I figured it out, her power was so raw and at the same time so beautiful, she can make any sad person smile, her mere presence is like having a star by your side, and when I finally understand that, I knew that it was real “A believing heart is your magic” when I finally get to understand her I knew those words were more than a catchphrase, because even at my worst moments her heart believed in me, she believed that I could be better, that I could face everything, and in those moments when I saw her eyes full of passion and her smile shining for me I felt the magic running through my veins.

Anyways, I will like to tell you more about her but I need to go, I’m sure you would have loved her if you could have met her.

-With love, Diana Cavendish

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

“Let 's go Diana! We are going to be late!”

A girl with beautiful red eyes exclaimed to me while knocking my door with insistence

“I’m going Akko, let me take my hat”

I don’t know if I could blow everyone away by myself, but I know that this quirky girl sure blew my heart…

“Come on! The girls are waiting for us!”

Yeah, she doesn’t know yet but I’m sure she’ll be the next one to sing by my side...

————————

And here is the fifth day of the @dianakko-week ! For me this one was the most difficult one to write so I’ll be grateful of you gays (guys) give me your opinions.

Anyways, see y’all tomorrow!

This is the song used in this chapter: Here!

#lwa #little witch academia #atsuko kagari #diana cavendish #diakko #akko kagari #dianakko #dianakko week #hurt/comfort

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all-cursed · 3 years

Text

Meet my first OC to have a specific fandom they’re attached to!

So I’ve never created an OC specifically for the universe of a show before, they’ve always been fandomless, but I was excited to create one for Wynonna Earp. I’m going to give him a proper page on the muse list as well as give everyone more detailed biographies eventually, but for now, this should work.

DISCLAIMER: to anyone who may have concerns, please know that I myself am Native American (Blackfoot and Cherokee), and did a lot of research while creating this character to make sure I do them justice and create an actual Native character that isn’t just a stereotype. Some parts that might seem stereotypical - such as the name this character chooses to go by - just comes with the modern era the universe is set in and the character’s own reasons. Several of the struggles he faces as well are specifically chosen because I hope to raise awareness in some small ways to the struggles that IPOC face even today. None of it is meant to be fetishising or stereotypical - some of it just exists in that space as an unfortunate reality.

Alright! Here we go.

[ i. STATS ]

NAME. meecha wo’i " crow " redwolf .

AGE. 23 as of 1x01 .

DOB. nov 29th , 1993 .

GENDER. gender-indifferent cis male : prefers he/him or they/them pronouns .

PREF. pansexual but has a preference for men and nonbinary individuals

SPECIES. human , witch , skinwalker .

RESIDENCE. the ghost river triangle .

OCCUPATION. former cashier ; former lead guitar in an up and coming rock band ; current bartender .

ETHNICITY. in simple terms: native american. specifically: hopi and creek. some scottish but not by much.

[ ii. INTROSPECTION ]

POSITIVE TRAITS. curious , adaptable , perceptive , creative , passionate , loyal , perseverant , open-minded , compassionate .

NEUTRAL TRAITS. persuasive , withdrawn (at first; nervous about other’s intentions) , secretive , free-wheeling .

NEGATIVE TRAITS. temperamental , unrestrained , spiteful , reckless , capricious , hedonistic .

DISLIKES. sounds of traffic or loud machinery in general & the sound of metal on metal & the smell of cheap perfume/cologne & hot weather & dust & houseflies & being told (instead of asked) what to do & rap music & wool scarves & fluorescent lights & lack of hygiene & orange flavoured candies/sodas/anything that’s not an actual orange & deep dark waters he can’t see the contents of & mistreatment of animals & having assumptions made about him & mathematics & onions & football .

LIKES. the scent and sound of rain & physical touch & candles , lighters , and controlled flames in general & the smell of cedar , pine , and the forest & music and playing musical instruments & italian food & raving about attractive people with others; intoxication is a bonus & leather; wearing it and the smell of it & glasses clinking together & late night talks & stargazing & drawing / sketching & records and record players & animals & 'stealing’ and wearing the clothes of people he’s close with & running & card games & dancing and singing & creating something out of nothing & getting the last word .

HOBBIES. drawing & singing and playing instruments & exploring / learning as many places as they can like the back of their hand & people watching & drinking and bar hopping & seeking pleasure and adventure wherever he can find it & collecting random things he enjoys / likes .

WEAKNESSES. he’s standoffish until he knows he can trust a person and can come off rude or aloof & the inability to let go of most grudges & his tendency to follow his desires and his heart before logic or his mind & impulsivity when emotional .

STRENGTHS. independence and ability to function and thrive alone (even if he would prefer to have company it is not mandatory) & ability to be resourceful and adapt to new situations quickly & handles time-sensitive situations well due to his tendency to act quick and think later & stubbornness to stick to a task and see it through & quick thinking & agility and speed of inhuman proportions (thanks to his less than human side) .

HABITS. clicking his teeth together repeatedly when annoyed & flexing fingers & playing with his hair in absentminded / lazy moments & silently staring at someone when he’s done with a conversation until they catch the hint and stop talking & if there’s music playing within earshot he always ends up swaying to the beat & will often make less than human sounds (growls, etc.) when angry if he doesn’t catch himself .

EDUCATION. average student throughout elementary , middle & high school . graduated with an equally average gpa of 3.0 , & decided against college, choosing to seek education in less typical places . fed up with his family and much of the treatment of his peers, he began to learn magic from a witch he met on one of his regular trips to wander the ghost river triangle and explore & learnt magic and about the more mystical parts of purgatory - ultimately becoming a skinwalker via the witch’s guidance and training .

[ iii. APPEARANCE ]

FACECLAIM. booboo stewart .

HEIGHT. 5 ' 8 " , though when able to he wears combat boots that add a few inches to his height .

EYES. a very keen and observant hazel when he’s in human form . when shifting , eye colour can range from yellow to red to green to blue depending on many factors - location , how far he shifts , etc . always alert and bright unless intoxicated or in very rough shape emotion-wise . often wishes they were green or grey and has considered wearing contacts to change his eyes (human-wise) to those colours.

EYEBROWS. defined arch but not so much so that it’s dramatic . not too thin and not too bushy , and naturally neat - he rarely has to tend to them and usually only does so to shave a tiny slit or two through them as a stylistic choice .

HAIR. long and dark ; sleek with an ever so slight wave to it . typically worn either down or in a loose ponytail , occasionally sections are braided . falls just a few inches above his ribcage . every so often he’ll dye streaks into his hair but has never dyed his whole head .

SCARS. many . he has a variety of smaller scars from a rowdy childhood; a few faint ones on his hands and arms from scratches borne of cats and dogs . the typical scars that come from falling off bicycles or off swings ; scraped knees and cuts on chins . his forearms especially are covered in scars he prefers not to speak of . there’s a scar on his forehead from a fight with his cousin as well as a few long scars on his back .

DRESSING STYLE. it varies depending upon mood and whatever job he has at the time . especially fond of punk / alternative styles , likes leather , and enjoys the comfort of loose and flowing garments. whatever style he happens to choose at any given time , he wears well and somehow always manages to draw attention - whether from the jewelry he accessorises with (varieties of bracelets and cuffs , rings , pendants with gems , etc.)

LIPS. naturally full , scar at the right corner of his lip , occasionally sore or split when he goes through anxious phases and tends to chew at his lips .

SKIN. smooth , tanned . he doesn’t have much body hair , a fact that doesn’t tend to bother him much. he rarely engages in a skincare routine and much like his eyebrows generally stays neat and well-kempt without much effort . does not wear much makeup but enjoys eyeliner from time to time . if not for his skin tone, the dark circles beneath his eyes would be much more visible .

CHEEKS. defined cheekbones , not easily flushed . sports the occasional scars due to nervous picking when he was younger.

[ iv. ABILITIES ]

LANGUAGES SPOKEN. english [ fluent ] , hopi [ conversational & spellwork language ] , spanish [ conversational ] .

THREAT LEVEL. mediocre to high .

WEAPONS. fairly efficient in his understanding of magic and can easily hold his own with either combative or defensive magic , but prefers when possible to rely on his own physical skills ; is proficient in hand to hand combat thanks to the speed , agility , and strength bequeathed upon him by his skinwalker nature . very skilled in knifeplay , whether throwing or up close . has little to no practise with firearms as of 1x01 .

MAGIC. magic learnt by his mentor was primarily elemental based and neutral in that it could easily be manipulated for defensive or offensive ; he was never extremely proficient and left before he could complete his training so he is still learning his limits and the heights he can reach , and wants to branch out . as for the magical abilities granted by his status as skinwalker - he is able to shapeshift , which saps him of certain levels of energy that depend upon what creature he takes the shape of . he is also granted higher than average speed, agility, and strength because of this which he keeps with him even when not shifting.

[ v. DETAILS ]

➣➣ he was born in georgia originally to a loving but struggling mother and father - his mother was hopi and his father was creek, and while both parents had originally lived on their own respective reservations, they had met one another by chance during a trip and fallen in love, eventually deciding to seek out their own home outside of the reservations. his parents loved him but struggled financially; eventually his mother’s sister offered to take him in. as that was the better option rather than the three of them becoming homeless, crow’s parents sent him to live with his aunt in arizona on the rez. while they stayed in touch, his parents needed to stay in georgia, and as such he only would see them on the occasional holiday.

➣➣ while his aunt meant well, his cousins were another story. living with his aunt and uncle would have been fine had it not been for their two children; a son and daughter who constantly bullied him behind their backs for not being pure hopi as they were, often harassing him about being a ‘halfbreed’. a quiet boy at heart to boot, he faced bullying in school as well all the way through high school. his cousins, in tenth grade, snooped in his room and found his journal - which they used to out him as pansexual to the school.

➣➣ the moment he graduated, he spent as much time off the rez as possible, avoiding his cousins. on one of his frequent trips to simply explore nearby cities and towns, he found himself in purgatory. one drunken night led to following a mysterious woman into the woods. as it turned out, she was a witch. intrigued and excited at the idea of learning magic and having a way to defend himself, he quickly took her up on her offer to teach him. after a few months, she let him in on her secret - she was a skinwalker.

➣➣ she talked up how powerful she was because of it, and how no one would ever hurt her again. the more he heard about it, the more he wanted it. still unhealed from the way he was treated growing up and too caught up in the concept of never having to be beneath someone ever again, he agreed to let her hold the ceremony that would make him one as well without thinking of the consequences. when she told him that the final task he needed was to kill a family member... he almost faltered but agreed and went back to the rez.

➣➣ he almost didn’t do it. it was night when he returned, and he could see his male cousin drinking on the porch. the concept of killing someone - even someone like his cousin who had treated him so poorly - was daunting. he might have changed his mind had his cousin not seen him arriving and was immediately being malicious; using homophobic slurs and accusing crow of having run off with a lover, talking about how disgraceful it was. and it all was a blur from there.

➣➣ bringing back a lock of his cousin’s hair to the witch, she finished the rituals and he became the creature she had promised - powerful but at what cost? still wrought with guilt despite having made the ultimate choice, crow left the forests on the outskirts of purgatory where he had been training and into the ghost river triangle itself, unable to go home after what he did and unable to stomach facing the witch. living out of his truck, he went from odd job to odd job, eventually landing a stable job as a cashier at a grocery store. around this time he chose to begin going by the name crow - both to distance himself from his past, and because if someone were to want to control or destroy him now as a skinwalker, they could do so if they knew his true, personal name. as such, a nickname seemed the safest bet.

➣➣ fastforward to present day (1x01). after a few years of cashiering and attempting to rent rooms and apartments without success, as well as a stint playing guitar for an up and coming rock band, crow landed a job as a bartender at one of the local bars and instead of attempting to rent rooms or apartments, ended up moving into the trailer park. it was sketchy to say the least, but he couldn’t afford anything fancy and clearly didn’t handle having roommates well. a trailer seemed like the next best thing, outside of living in the woods or in his truck. his tendency to mind his own business and expect that of others meant that he mingled with normal purgatory residents and the revenants equally, pursuing his hedonistic nature as he pleased. which was all well and good, until things began to get... a lot more chaotic due to a curse and an heir he had originally had no knowledge of.

[ MORE TO COME THROUGHOUT CHARACTERIZATION DEVELOPMENT ]

#temporary biography tag

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elliemarchetti · 4 years

Text

Red Queen Pride and Prejudice AU (part 3)

Part 1

Part 2

Masterlist

@lilyharvord sorry for the long waiting but life got in the way, as always. I hope you like this chapter and stay tuned for the fourth (which, I swear, won’t take that long)

Words: 2335

Wren wasn’t feeling any better. On hearing this, Miss Samos and Lady Haven repeated three or four times how terrible it was to have a bad cold, and how much they themselves hated being sick, but after that, they thought of it no more, and their indifference toward their guest when they weren’t directly around her confirmed to Mare all her previous feelings toward the party, including the satisfaction with Mr. Samos’ ways, since his anxiety for Wren was evident. On her side, Mare received very little attention from everyone: the ladies were attracted to the General like flies with honey, and Lucas Samos, beside whom Mare sat for lunch, wasn’t much of a conversationalist, and when he discovered that Mare preferred simple dishes to elaborate ones, he had nothing more to add until the end of the meal, when Mare apologized and immediately returned to Wren. As soon as the door closed behind her back, Miss Samos began to speak ill of her manners, which were declared very bad, a mixture of pride and impertinence.

“She has neither style, nor taste or beauty,” added Lady Haven. “In short, she has nothing that does her honour but to be an excellent walker. I’ll never forget her appearance this morning. She really looked like a savage.”

“I just managed to contain myself!” exclaimed the other. “What nonsense to go all that way through the mud for a simple cold. Besides, I would never have shown myself around with such sloppy, dishevelled hair.”

“Miss Barrow may not be a great conversationalist, and I guess your description may be correct,” replied the cousin, “but not only did I miss the muddy slip and the simple hairstyle, I can also say that I justify her little desire to chat, when her friend, for whom she feels a palpable affection, is in those conditions.”

“I am afraid, General, “observed Miss Samos, almost whispering, "that this adventure has somewhat shaken your admiration for her beautiful eyes.”

“Not at all,” he replied, “they were enlightened by the exercise.”

A short pause followed, and it was Lady Haven who began again: “I have a lot of respect for Miss Wren, she really is one of the sweetest girls I had the pleasure to know, and with all my heart I would like for her to settle down well, but with such parents and modest kinship, I fear there’s no chance of that happening.”

"I seem to have heard you say her uncle is a scholar,” said Mr. Samos, who didn’t seem to have any objection to the words his sister and friend had addressed to Mare, but didn’t like those harsh comments towards of the other guest and wanted to end the topic quickly.

“Yes, and they have another one, who lives somewhere close to Cheapside,” replied his sister, unleashing her friend’s laughter.

“If she had enough uncles to fill all Cheapside”, exclaimed Ptolemus, who was starting to get really irritated, “that wouldn’t make her less nice.”

“But that actually diminishes her chance of marrying a man of some importance in society,” Cal replied quietly, hoping to be able to be a peacemaker now as he always did when they were children. Obviously Ptolemus didn’t like his words, and left the room in great strides, slamming the door behind him. Everything would be back to normal by tea time, he was sure, and in this way he had also managed to dispel, at least for a moment, from Evangeline’s mind the thought that he was in turn interested in one of their guests. After lingering for a while to amuse themselves at the expense of their dear friend’s vulgar kinship, with a surge of tenderness, they went to her room, and stayed with her until they were called for tea. Wren was still very unwell, and Mare absolutely didn’t want to leave her until late evening, when she had the comfort of seeing her asleep, and judged it correct, more than pleasant, to go downstairs. Entering the living room, she found them all playing cards and she was immediately invited to join, but suspecting they were playing hard she refused but decided to watch and listen to their conversation about Whitefire, General Calore’s estate, and his grandmother, a woman whose manners was widely praised by Miss Samos.

“It’s surprising to me,” said Mr. Samos, “ how many women have the patience to get to be so well educated as they all are; they can paint, play the piano, dance, sing and even embroider. I don’t know any who can’t do all this things, and I’m sure I’ve never heard of a woman before without being made aware of how well educated she was.”

"Your list of things commonly defined as education is all too true,” said the General. “The world is applied to many women who doesn’t deserve it and I can say it with certainty, after getting to know them better. I have to admit that, sadly, in my entire range of acquaintances, there are no more than half a dozen of really educated women.”

"Neither am I, I’m sure,” said Miss Samos. The more she knew her, the more it was evident that she was trying in every way to create bridges between her meagre personal ideas and those of the General, and Mare was ready to bet, even if she hated it, that she would be willing to trample any friendship or ideal in order to achieve her goal to marry him. If only their descriptions of what was a truly educated woman had been more alike, Mare would’ve said they were meant for each other, but their words were so diametrically opposed that she almost had to restrain herself from laughing, a task in which she was aided by the fact that General Calore described someone who was also very distant from both her, her family and her friends, a mixture of talent, good taste, elegance and commitment that didn’t even reflect the other two young ladies in the room, who began to protest so much that Lucas Samos had to impose some order on them so they could finish the game. Since the conversation had ended so bitterly, Mare left the room shortly after.

“Miss Barrow,” said Miss Samos, once the door closed, “is one of those young ladies who try to make a good impression with the opposite sex by underestimating their own, and I am convinced that with many men the thing is successful but, in my opinion, it’s a petty system, a squalid artifice.”

“No doubt,” replied Cal, who was the main recipient of this remark, “there is some meanness in all the tricks that ladies sometimes deign to use to seduce. Anything that has an affinity for cunning is despicable.”

Not completely satisfied with that answer, Evangeline dropped the subject. How dare he throw digs at her when he knew perfectly well what had pushed her this far? Not even Ptolemus intervened, and Elane gave her a sideways glance, to make sure she wasn’t making one of her scenes. It was probably the possibility that Miss Barrow or Miss Skonos might hear it that stopped her, but that didn’t prevented her, that very evening, from consoling herself in the privacy of her room with the one that everyone would forever call her dear friend. As always after Elane’s loving care, all tension was smoothed out, and the following morning, when Mare had the pleasure of being able to give a fairly positive response to the request for information she had received very early in the morning from Mr. Samos through a waitress, it was proposed that a note could be sent to Mrs Skonos to ask her to visit her daughter and see for herself the situation, inviting her to take Mrs Barrow and the younger Miss Barrow with her too. If she had found Wren visibly in danger, Mrs. Skonos would certainly have despaired, but felt satisfied to see that the disease didn’t cause any alarm, she didn’t wish she would recover immediately, given that a healing would probably have taken her out of the Hall of the Sun. Therefore, she didn’t want to listen to her daughter, whom proposed to be brought home, and also the pharmacist, who had almost reached the house at the same time, thought it was definitely inadvisable. After spending some time with Wren, the four women were invited by Miss Samos to join her and her brother in the breakfast room, where he welcomed them hoping that Mrs. Skonos hadn’t found her daughter worse than what she had expected, but his hopes were partly dashed, although the woman later took care to compliment them profusely both on their kindness and on the wonderful estate they had rented.

“I hope you’re not going to leave us too quickly, even if the lease is short,” said Mrs. Barrow, who hadn’t yet uttered a word except for the customary greetings.

“Whatever I do, I do it quickly,” he replied, “and so if I had to decide to leave the Hall, I would probably leave in five minutes. For the moment, however, I consider it a stable accommodation.”

"That’s exactly what I would’ve imagined from you,” Mare said.

“I didn’t know,” Miss Samos interjected, “you were a student of characters. ”

“It must be a fun study,” noted her cousin, who had recently joined them along with General Calore.

“Yes, but the intricate characters are the funniest. At least they have that advantage,” she replied, casting a quick glance at Tiberias, who, feeling drawn into question, reminded her that the countryside wasn’t exactly the best testing ground for studies like that.

“In a countryside area one moves within a restricted and uniform social environment.”

“But people change so much that there is always something new to observe,” replied Mare, always ready to change his mind about his prejudices on simple people. If she had addressed any other gentleman like that, her mother would’ve reminded her of her place in the world but since it was General Calore, she was happy to take her daughter’s side, although not in the best of ways, to the point that her interlocutor, after giving her a long puzzled look, walked away in silence and even Lucas Samos found himself embarrassed.

“You have completely misunderstood my friend: he only meant that in the countryside there certainly can’t be the same amount of people you can find in town.”

“Nobody says otherwise, but as for not frequenting so many people in these parts, I think there are few places richer in neighbours. All I know is that we know twenty-four families.”

Nothing but the regard towards Mare allowed Lucas to keep himself serious. The cousin was less delicate, and gave her brother a very expressive smile. Mare, in order to divert her mother’s thoughts, asked her if Diana Farley had been visiting them since she was at the Hall.

“Yes, she came yesterday with her father, but she didn’t stop for lunch because her mother was waiting for her at home to make apple pie for her little sister’s birthday. The Farleys are really good girls, I assure you, and they are also very nice, but if they are with Wren or my daughters… they inevitably end up taking a back seat. That’s what everyone says, I don’t just trust my partiality.”

“When Wren was only fifteen,” Lady Skonos added, “there was a gentleman at my sister’s so in love with her that my brother-in-law was sure he would’ve declared himself before we could leave. Instead nothing came of it. Maybe he thought that she was too young. However, he wrote some verses about her, and they were very pretty.”

“And so his love ended,” Mare said impatiently. “There were more than one, I guess, that ended up like this. I often ask myself who was the first to discover the effectiveness of poem in chasing love away!”

Obviously the General didn’t share her idea, and was more than happy to point this out, interrupting his conversation with Miss Samos. Mare too had the answer ready, and their quarrel was followed by a long silence, which forced Mrs Skonos to thank the homeowner again for the kindness showed to her daughter, and Mrs Barrow to apologize for the inconvenience caused by Mare, who still didn’t have the slightest intention of leaving. Mr. Samos gave a spontaneous and courteous reply, and also forced his sister to behave in the same way, although she didn’t play her part gracefully enough not to allow Mare to notice that hers was all fiction. The two older women, however, seemed to be content and when Mrs Skonos ordered the carriage, Gisa stepped forward as if on command and asked Mr. Samos when he intended to give the ball his cousin had promised he would tell him about when they arrived in the countryside. Gisa was a strong and well-developed girl of fifteen, with a beautiful complexion and a cheerful expression; it was her mother’s favourite, whose affection had led her to make her entry into society at a very early age. She had a bursting vitality, a kind of innate self-confidence, that the officers’ attentions had turned into cheekiness, making her the perfect candidate to address Mr. Samos about a ball which, if not given, would’ve been the worst of shame on his honour, at least in her words.

"I’m perfectly ready,” he reassured her, “and when your friend has recovered, you will set the date of the party, if you please.”

Gisa looked satisfied, and began to fantasize about what other events she would be able to organize and continued to do so even when they were gone and Mare returned to Wren, leaving her and her relatives behaviour at the mercy of the two ladies and the General, who nevertheless didn’t allow himself to be persuaded to join in the criticism despite all the jokes Evangeline made about beautiful eyes.

#pride and prejudice au #p&p #marecal #ptolewren #evane #mare barrow #cal calore #ptolemus samos #wren skonos #evangeline samos #elane haven #gisa barrow #ruth barrow #diana farley #madeline farley #lucas samos #anabel lerolan

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peckin-pat-marlow · 4 years

Text

Tagged by @captain-teddy-reese

50 Questions: OC Interview

1. What’s your name?

“Howdy. I’m Patricia Marlow.”

2. Give us your full name

“...Ah fine! My middle name’s Winifred... Patricia...Winifred...Marlow.

3. Do you have a nickname? If yes, what is it and how did you come to have it?

“I’ve been called shorter of my names: Pat, Patsy, Patty Cake (don’t bother askin’ why.) But folks way out south west know me as “Peckin’ Pat Marlow. I shot my town’s sheriff the day after...his obstruction of justice. Gave him that kiss he wanted afterwards. And it became a habit with anyone I killed as leader of the Marlow Marauders.”

4. What species are you? (Human, werewolf, etc? Or are you an alien?)

“Last I checked...I’m still human.”

5. Where were you born?

“I was born in a town the south west of texas. It was famous for its large lake and gold mine a few miles out. Just make sure you have ginseng and special vegetation for the snakes and lizards...I wouldn’t head there if I were you. Hasn’t rained for 13 years.”

6. I see. And that would make your age...?

“That would make me...36 years old.”

7. Okay, now...are you a good guy, or a bad guy?

“What I’ve done doesn’t make me a saint, but it don’t mean I have bad morals.”

Part II: Tell Us More About Yourself...

8. How would you describe your personality?

“Back before I was soft, sweet and kind..had to be for the kids, but I still held myself firm for the adults as well. When the town reared it’s ugly head...I became a different person; ruthless, vengeful, hard hearted, didn’t take shit from no person when it came to me and my gang. It take no responsibility for indirect harm because they didn’t handle circumstances better! I was willing to do whatever it takes to get vengeance not with death, but with nothin’ for ‘em left! But I couldn’t my gang be taken with me in my final moments.

But after that last score, when I suddenly found myself alive and rescued. I began to mellow out...I still had my temper and was satisfied with what I’ve accomplished, but I became more aware of how the world was changing. So I just wander the lands to keep an eye on this changing world and hope it’s for the better.”

9. Would you say you're someone who can handle pressure?

“I’ve had moments where I was frustrated...but I’ve managed to maintain my composure around misbehaving kids and disrespectful adults.”

10. Do you like to read?

“Well, yeah. What kind of teacher doesn’t like to read?”

11. Favourite Colour

“I’ve grown fond of the colour black.”

12. Do you get along with others?

“Just because I get along with people doesn’t mean I like them. I do so to get the job done, and if they don’t cross me I choose them to stick close and see how things turn out.”

13. Do you have any enemies?

“Many could call me their enemy, but the one I call my nemesis won’t bother me anymore...”

14. How about friends?

“I became friends with my gang through the trust and teamwork we had for over 13 years. I’m sure they’re all fine and free. I have met other folks but I can’t call them friends just yet.”

15. Are you patient?

“I can be...When your a teacher you have to be patient to know more about situations.”

Part lll: Hypothetically...

16. Suppose that you could become any creature you know of. What would you pick, and why?

“I’ll say a cougar. They’re just as vicious, independent, dexterous, with some self indulgence. They can still purr, y’know?”

17. One of your enemies in question 13 just complimented you. Response?

“Which one? If it’s Gill then he’s complimenting me with sarcasm and rage since he’s still not found the loot. His generation’s gonna be diggin’ for years and won’t be the ones to find it.”

18. One of your friends in Question 14 just insulted you. Response?

“I prefer their insults as criticism. But at least their words won’t mean they betray me straight away.”

19. If you could change anything about yourself...

“I can’t see me changin’ anytime soon...but I guess I gotta find somethin’ else to do without second guessin’.”

20. About your home...

“It ain’t like a manor, but It had enough space for my parents and my things...But it was so damn expensive thanks to Gill’s daddy...it got burnt down by an angry mob, along with my school, Miles’s stand and his donkey, Sally-Ann...

Part IV: Now We Get Personal

21. What're your parents like?

“They were geniuses compared to the other folk in town. Both of em met in the city where they got their degree. I don’t think their families approved though, as I haven’t heard a thing about my grandparents. But they were good people using their money to buy two properties, for my home and school.

But I can’t give em that. Their last wish was to make sure I improved the head on my soldiers before they slowly died together from Diphtheria...I didn’t know they passed until Miles came to check on me.”

22. Do you have any siblings?

“None. I was an only child, thank goodness. If I had a younger baby sister, Gill would target her more than me...”

23. What's your occupation?

“I used to be a teacher in my hometown. Since I was the only women with the knowledge thanks to my parents education, I took up the role. Taught both kids and adults to read and write.”

24. I see, that's a good job to have. Do you like it?

“I enjoyed my job when it came to the kids. Nothin made me feel better than givin’ them somewhere to be while adults did their own thing, though I wished I could have give them more subjects, but reading and writing was more tolerable to teach than the other things that adults couldn’t make sense of. As for the adults...I won’t lie there are some worse than the children. Way worse.”

25. Are you seeing/dating anyone?

“No...”

26. Married/Engaged/Other?

“I wished for that with someone once.”

27. If yes, how did you meet?

“...I met Miles Wiley when I first came to town after my parents moved. He was a vegetable farmer with a donkey he claimed was over a century old from the vegetables he ate. Many folks who can’t afford the doctor’s fee often came to him for tonics, ointments, all sorts of ailments that were reliable, especially for the gold miners who came for the juice as repellent for the lizards. Before me he was the only stranger in that town...He made me welcome even after I took over the town’s teacher and helped repair my school, only askin’ for the spiced apricots I made.

But the town found out how close we really was from our first...and last kiss. He only wanted to fix me after being broken down for so long...We tried to escape by boat, but of course Gill had his ferry and me and Miles weren’t much of a shot...He wasn’t even armed but he shot him...he shot him even as I held him.

28. Tell us your biggest secret.

“Aside from people thinkin’ I’m dead? Everyone knew about me and Miles so I got no big secret to hide.”

29. Your worst fear? You don't have to answer this one if you don't want to.

“After what the Sheriff did, I fear being put into that situation again where I was taken advantage of right under others noses...Then there’s being in the middle of a ring of fire.”

30. Favorite food?

“I may had made spiced apricots once upon a time but it ain’t my favourite food. I don’t have it as much as I like to...but I do miss that Pecan pie.”

30. Favorite drink?

“Spiced Island Moonshine. I just discovered this recipe and it tastes like the goods of home and warm escape. I could kiss Marcel for makin’ this but... then I’d have have to kill him.”

31. Tell us one thing you're the most proud of.

“I would have said getting revenge on Gill for killing Miles was the best thing that happened...But I never imagined letting the group go free after our last score would take that. Some graduation, huh?”

32. Something embarrassing? You don't have to answer this one, either.

“Whatever is embarrassing is what happens when I’m drunk...”

33. If you didn't answer Questions 29 and/or 33, tell me why.

“I may have mellowed out from my recovery, but I have my damn pride still.”

34. Is that a good reason?

“Just take it as you will...”

Part V: Closing

35. Are you satisfied with your life?

“I felt like my life was nearly wasted than satisfied. I loved Miles but I wasted my life in that town. I remembered my gang more fondly than the town. But I’m still young to do somethin’.”

36. Anything you feel like you have to do? It can be something long-term, like a bucket list, or something you need to do right now.

“Well my vengeance has been achieved and leading a gang is something to tick off. I’m gonna start looking for things as Patricia Marlow and not Peckin’ Pat.”

37. Any hobbies?

“I have developed a thing for watching shows in the theatre, and I used to play the banjo to sing songs with kids. I’m sure I haven’t gone too rusty.”

38. Quick, you get one wish! What did you just wish for? It's alright, you can tell me...

“I wish Miles was alive....That’s the one thing I can’t have back.”

39. How would you describe that wish? Good? Bad? Selfish? Selfless? Other?

“I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of us...Folk wouldn’t have approved of us, but...we’d be more free if we got out together.”

40. Have you been honest with these questions?

“That I have...Now that you know me it’s all about what u gonna do?”

41. Your personal quote?

“The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

42. Do you like change?

“It’s what I fought for when things didn’t change enough...”

43. What's your most valued possession?

“Since they burned Miles’s body, I wasn’t left with much to remember him. It was a good thing I found his hat after I left town, but I haven’t taken it out of my satchel since.”

44. Anything else you feel like sharing?

“Not right now, I ain’t.”

50. Last question!...yup, that's it! How do you feel?

“Like a few pounds has been lifted off my shoulders. Or it might just be one of my firearms...Haha! Don’t worry, I just gotta reload.”

#red dead redemption 2 #red dead online #red dead oc #rdr2 oc #red dead roleplay #red dead rp #oc questions #patricia marlow #peckin’ pat marlow #arthur morgan #dutch van der linde #oc interview

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ofstormsandwolves · 4 years

Text

Hot for Teacher

Teen

Zoey x Joan

Follow-up to I’ll Stand By You (first installment of ‘what the heart wants (or, Zoey’s Extraordinary Gaylist)’)

Covers scenes from Glitch through to Mother.

Synopsis: After inadvertently singing to Joan following the Chirp presentation, Zoey finds herself trying to figure out her feelings for her boss, as well as for Max and Simon...

Read on AO3

Zoey had thought her day was going badly when she’d gone with her parents to the doctor that morning.

Then she thought her day was going badly when she’d sung Crazy all through the lobby.

Then she’d sung to Danny Michael Davis during the Chirp meeting. And Max, afterwards. And then, Simon in the meditation room. And now Joan wanted to see her urgently.

“Don’t sing, don’t sing, don’t sing...” Zoey muttered to herself as she walked towards Joan’s office.

It was bad enough that she’d sung I’m Yours to Max. It was even worse when she’d sung I Want You to Want Me to Simon and Max had walked in. But singing to Joan? The last thing Zoey wanted was her boss thinking she was having some sort of breakdown.

Besides, things were complicated enough without her having to evaluate her feelings for Joan on top of evaluating her feelings for Max and Simon. Ever since Simon and Jessica’s engagement party, and Joan getting her to the hospital and helping with Mitch, and Joan singing I’ll Stand By You... Well, Zoey hadn’t been able to shake the nagging feeling she felt something more than friendship for her boss. And given the way her powers were playing up...

“Zoey!”

She blinked, and saw Joan staring at her with a concerned look. Lost in her own thoughts, Zoey had wandered straight into the older woman’s office without even noticing.

“Uh...”

Frowning, Joan surveyed the redhead, clearly mulling over what to say. “Are you alright?” she asked eventually. “Is it your dad?”

“What?” Zoey blinked. “Uh, no. No, my dad’s fine.”

Joan nodded slowly. “Ok. Then care to explain what happened with Danny Michael Davis?”

Shifting uncomfortably, Zoey shrugged and avoided the other woman’s eyes. “Did... Did he not like it?”

“He did like it, but that’s not the point. I mean, he did say he thinks you’re strange. Which is saying something, coming from Danny Michael Davis... But he’s also giving us the funding.”

Zoey tried the optimistic approach then. “So everything’s good?”

“Zoey, you can’t do things like that.” Joan sighed. “I mean, that was a big swing, and I don’t mind a big swing, but I have to know about it! I don’t like not knowing things like that-”

Leif appeared in the doorway then, arms folded across his chest as he surveyed Zoey. Joan frowned at him.

“Um, Leif, can I help you?”

The young man blinked, and looked to the other woman with a smug smile. “No. Just wanted to be here. I mean, Zoey jeopardising our project like that-”

Joan held her hand up, cutting him off. “Ok, Leif, stop right there. I understand that the Chirp was your idea, and I understand your concern, but I’m dealing with it. And I do not appreciate people gloating when their co-workers make a mistake.”

The smug smile had slid from Leif’s face, and he mumbled out an apology before slinking away. Zoey saw him go over to Tobin and mutter something before both men looked in her direction.

“Ignore them,” Joan said, drawing the attention back to them. “Zoey, I’m worried about you. Your behaviour today was... Well, it wasn’t like you. You’re out of sorts, you disappear off into Zoey land and nobody can bring you back, you sang a song and danced on a table during a meeting.”

Zoey looked away for a moment, trying to come up with a plausible excuse. But her mind was blank. Letting out a defeated sigh, she sank into a chair, her head in her hands.

“I don’t know what to say,” she mumbled. “There’s nothing to say. You wouldn’t believe me.”

“Try me.”

Zoey’s head whipped up at the words, not just because of what Joan had said but also because her voice was suddenly much closer. She’d stood up and moved round her desk without Zoey hearing or noticing, and she quickly moved to kneel in front of the younger woman’s chair.

“I’ve told you before and I’m telling you again, Zoey; let me help.”

Joan’s bright blue eyes were brimming over with concern, and Zoey felt a tug at her heart. She’d ruined almost everything she’d touched that day, from her relationships with Max and Simon, to the meeting with Danny Michael Davis, and she felt like a complete disaster. But Joan was looking at her, with this gentle, concerned expression that made Zoey want to cry, or hug her, or...

Or kiss her.

She wanted to kiss Joan.

Ok, that wasn’t exactly a revelation; she’d been acutely aware of her shifting feelings for the other woman since Simon’s failed engagement party, but she’d managed to mostly avoid Joan since then. Now, with that expression on Joan’s face and her being so close... It wouldn’t take much for Zoey to simply lean in and kiss her.

And as music started up in her head, she suddenly realised that was the last thing she needed to be thinking about today.

If Joan had had any inkling that Zoey was about to burst into song again, she’d hidden it well. But the moment the singing started, the brunette went pale. Zoey couldn’t blame her.

“Oh yeah, teacher stop that screamin’,

Teacher don’t you see? Don’t wanna be no uptown fool.”

Zoey clapped a hand over her mouth then, wide-eyed as Joan blinked at her with an expression that suddenly looked less concerned and more scared.

“Z-Zoey?” Joan prompted.

Even with her hands over her mouth, the lyrics were still tumbling out, even if they were muffled.

“Maybe I should go to hell but I am doing well

Teacher needs to see me after school...”

Unable to take it, Zoey threw herself from the chair and set off at a run for the women’s toilets. She’d barely skidded inside before she was singing again.

“I think of all the education that I’ve missed,

But then my homework was never quite like this...”

The door burst open and Joan hurried in, still pale and anxious, and fixing Zoey with an extremely disturbed look.

“Are you alright? Is this... Is this some sort of, I don’t know, breakdown?”

But Zoey couldn’t answer as the singing continued. Instead, she sagged against a sink.

“Ow!”

She pushed away, then, her body knowing dance steps instinctively, all while Joan stared at her with folded arms and a nauseous expression.

“Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,

I’m hot for teacher.

I’ve got it bad, so bad!

I’m hot for teacher!”

“Oh, god,” Joan said, hands going to her hair as she processed what was happening. “Uh, ok, Zoey, I think we need to talk-”

“I heard about your lessons but lessons are so cold,

I didn’t know about this school.

Little girl from Cherry Lawn, how can you be so bold?

How did you know that golden rule?

I think of all the education that I’ve missed,

But then my homework was never quite like this...

Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,

I’m hot for teacher.

I’ve got it bad, so bad!

I’m hot for teacher!”

As Zoey finally finished singing, have skidded towards Joan on her knees, she found herself staring up at her pale-faced and wide-eyed boss. Joan blinked, and then took a step back.

“I-” Joan managed, before going quiet.

Scrambling quickly to her feet, Zoey desperately tried to come up with an explanation for what had just happened. “Joan! Joan I’m sorry! I can explain-”

But Joan was backing towards the door, staring at Zoey like she was a stranger. “I... I can’t do this right now.”

And then Joan was gone, leaving Zoey standing alone in the middle of the bathroom.

As much as Zoey didn’t want to go to her parents’ that night, she knew she had to. Of course, a conversation with Max helped her see reason, but that didn’t stop the nerves from building up as she headed over. Her head was a mess. Not only was she walking into a horrific conversation about what will happen when her dad inevitably dies, but she was also still trying to process having sung three separate heart songs to three separate people.

By the time she got to her parents’, Zoey found that a part of her was sort of looking forward to seeing her dad, if only to try and talk the situation out with him.

That was when it really hit her.

How much longer would she be able to go to her dad to talk these things out? How much longer would she have a loving parent who knew about her powers? Sure, there was Mo, and Max, but there was something reassuring about her dad knowing. He knew her best, after all, and Zoey also knew that he would always love her unconditionally.

In hindsight, it shouldn’t have been a surprise to Zoey that she ended up singing to her dad. Given the day she’d had, and the people she’d sung to throughout work, she possibly should have seen it coming. Still, there was something cathartic to this song, a feeling that she hadn’t felt when singing to anyone else. When the song was over, Zoey let out a sigh and looked to her dad.

“So, as you’ve probably figured out, I haven’t exactly had the best day.”

Mitch gave a small laugh at that, trying to shift to look at her.

“I mean, first your news this morning, and then the CEO showed up at work unexpectedly and wanted us to pitch our latest project. I sang all through the lobby and made myself look like a complete idiot. Then, I sang to our CEO and Max had to bail me out. I sang to both Max and the guy I have a crush on, and now Max is angry at me, and...” Zoey trailed off, taking a breath and looking to her dad. “I sang to my boss.”

Mitch’s head tilted ever so slightly to the side, and he gave the taboo buzzer a quick, short buzz to demonstrate his confusion.

“The thing is, I sang a song to Max that seems to suggest I have feelings for him. Then I went and sang a song to the man I have a crush on, and basically admitted I was attracted to him. Max walked in during the song and now he’s mad at me. But after that, my boss- uh, Joan, you met her the night you had the fall- wanted to talk to me about what happened during the presentation.”

Mitch made a small noise to show he understood then, glancing to Zoey with a slightly furrowed brow.

“The song I sang, it... I think I have a crush on Joan.” Bright red, Zoey ploughed on before her dad could react. “And that’s... That’s insane! I mean, not that I have a crush on Joan, but I already have a crush on Simon, and it seems like I have feelings for Max, and I don’t know what to do! I never even really considered dating a woman before, but with Joan? I just... This whole thing just seems too much right now, Dad.”

Sighing, Zoey moved to rest her head on her dad’s shoulder.

“I know you’ve got a lot going on right now, Dad, and I know this is the last thing you need. I just... Needed to vent, I guess.”

Maggie appeared in the doorway then, surveying her husband and daughter with a sad smile. “Everything alright?”

Zoey shifted slightly to look to her dad, before glancing back to her mom. “Yeah. Me and Dad have been having a chat, talking some things out.”

“I see,” Maggie said with a small frown. “And have you finished talking it out, or would you like another ear?”

Zoey thought about it for a moment. Her mom wouldn’t understand the singing stuff, but she could perhaps at least empathise with Zoey’s confused feelings for more than one person. Although, she’d had a tough day and really, Zoey’s problems could always wait for a while...

With a tight smile, Zoey shook her head. “I’m good.”

With Joan off at a conference, Zoey found she had a few days of breathing space. While she filled her time with work and helping Howie reconnect with his daughter, Zoey couldn’t quite escape the embarrassing memories of her powers glitching. There was more than one awkward conversation, with both Simon and Max, and it only served to remind her that once Joan was back she had to come up with some way to explain what had happened.

“What if I tell her the truth?” Zoey suggested one evening while she was at Mo’s.

Mo fixed her with a look at that. “You want to tell your boss about your powers? Child, you told me she thought you were having a breakdown. Do you really think she’ll believe you?”

Zoey frowned at the question. “Yes? Maybe?” She deflated. “No?”

Mo sighed. “Look, I suppose I can understand where you’re coming from. No fake explanation will ever be good enough to explain to Joan why you sang Hot for Teacher to her.” Then, he tilted his head to one side. “Although maybe we’re looking at this all wrong. Joan is a determined woman who, if what you told me about her ex-husband is true, is good at ignoring her problems. Maybe you don’t need to say anything.”

“What, you think she’ll just pretend it never happened?” Zoey asked.

Mo shrugged. “Maybe.”

At that, Zoey’s stomach sank. The idea of Joan simply ignoring what had happened didn’t sit right with her. She’d seen the way the other woman had looked at her, had sensed that Joan was feeling the same tugging sensation she was feeling. For Joan to look the other way and hope that it all just went away?

“Child, are you alright?”

Mo’s voice interrupted Zoey’s thoughts and caused her to jump.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah.”

Mo gave her a knowing look, before sitting on the sofa beside Zoey. “Now, I like to think myself kind of an expert when it comes to setting people up, and you have to admit that I am good at helping you. So why don’t we talk this through? I mean, that’s your thing, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so,” Zoey admitted weakly.

“So. Let’s start with Simon.”

Zoey shrugged weakly at that, mulling over everything as she tried to put her feelings into words. “I’m... Attracted to him. I like him. He’s friendly, he makes me laugh, he gets what I’m going through with my dad...”

“But?” Mo prompted.

“But I’m not sure it goes any deeper,” Zoey realised slowly. “I mean, he kissed me and it was amazing, and he’s definitely single now he and Jessica have called off the engagement... Except, when Max walked in on us, I was more worried about checking Max was alright. I just sort of... Left Simon alone.”

“You talked to him, though,” Mo pointed out. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have kissed. And you spoke to him about the kiss afterwards.”

“Yeah, but... Max is my best friend. He’s been my best friend for years, Mo, and the thought of him hating me or not talking to me hurts.”

Mo had a knowing smile on his face. “So would you say that you’d choose Max’s friendship over Simon’s love?”

“I don’t know,” Zoey admitted then, burying her face in her hands. “Maybe?”

“So let’s move onto Maxwell then. Are you still not sure what your feelings are for him?”

Zoey said nothing, but shook her head dismally.

“Hmm, well that’s a tricky one. What do you like about him?”

“He’s loyal,” Zoey answered immediately. “We share interests even if we don’t agree on everything. He’s... He’s practically part of the family. He’s been to so many barbeques and holidays and dinners... He fits in, it’s like he belongs.”

Mo gave Zoey a pointed look. “But does he belong in the way a friend belongs, or the way a lover belongs?”

The redhead gave him a helpless look at that, and Mo took pity on her.

“I’m guessing we’re moving on to Joan?” he asked.

“I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing,” Zoey mumbled, pouting. “I think I need alcohol for this.”

Two glasses of wine later, Zoey was finally ready to begin discussing her crush on her boss.

“Well, Team Joan is a whole new team for me to get behind,” Mo shrugged, swirling wine around in his glass. “So pitch it to me.”

Zoey blinked for a moment, trying to piece together her thoughts. “Uh, she’s strong, she’s determined; she doesn’t take crap from anybody. Well, her ex, but I think that’s in the past now... When we went drinking the night of Jessica and Simon’s engagement party, she was actually really fun.” A small smile bloomed on Zoey’s face as she spoke. “I mean, she’s really funny! And she, well, she looks out for me at work. Did I tell you about the anonymous peer reviews? Well, it was a terrible idea in hindsight, we broke Leif... But Joan tried to protect me from the peer reviews because of the fact I’m the only female on the team besides her. She claimed all the comments were misogynistic and the only thing that mattered was that she thought I was doing a good job. I’m not entirely sure it was ethical to share everyone else’s results and not mine, but... It was nice that she looked out for me you know?”

Mo nodded at that, urging Zoey to continue.

“I know some of the guys at work resented me for getting the promotion over them, thought Joan was giving me preferential treatment. You know, ‘all girls together’ type thing... And when my dad had the fall, and Joan was with me, she made sure I got to the hospital. She held my hand even when I didn’t ask her to, and kept hold of it until we were in Dad’s room. She left to get coffee to sober me up, and then she split a cab back to my parents’ place and helped me get my old bed downstairs for Dad. I kept telling her she could leave, but she stayed.”

Zoey took a breath at that.

“And... She understands, Mo. Her mom died when she was around my age, she kind of gets what I’m going through with Dad. It’s why she keeps offering to help, even if I just want someone to rant to. God, you should have seen her the day my powers were freaking out. If I hadn’t sung, if I hadn’t ruined the moment... She said she was concerned about me, about the whole ‘singing to Danny Michael Davis’ thing. And she looked so concerned, so worried, more worried than if I were just an employee having a tough day. And she came and knelt down by my seat, and all I could think was ‘I could kiss you right now’...”

“Have you ever had that moment with Max or Simon?” Mo asked quietly. “That desire to just lean in and steal a kiss?”

Zoey frowned. “N-No,” she admitted softly after a long while.

“Then child, I think we may be making a breakthrough.”

Taking a moment to process that, Zoey let out a breath. “Mo, what if Joan wants to just ignore the whole singing thing happened? What if she doesn’t want anything to happen between us?”

“I don’t know,” Mo answered quietly. He thought for a moment. “Say you were to date Joan. How serious about that are you?”

At that, Zoey’s eyes went wide and she spluttered. “D-Date Joan? But I don’t date girls!”

Mo arched an eyebrow. “Girl, you just sat here going on and on about how amazing your boss is, and I could tell by the tone of your voice that there is something there. You like her. You have feelings for her. You’re worrying about her rejecting you. Maybe it’s too early to call it love, but you can’t deny that what is between you isn’t platonic.”

He paused then, giving the redhead a chance to digest what he’d just said.

“Now, I am not going to sit here and tell you that you are bisexual, or pansexual, or anything else. You don’t have to name it if you don’t want to, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. But Zoey, are you really hung up on the idea of dating women?”

Zoey flushed and gave an uncomfortable shrug. “I don’t know. I... I never really thought about it. It’s always been in my head that I’m a woman, so I date men.” She frowned to herself. “I’m not sure why that is, though.”

“The media, poor education, homophobia, peer pressure, biphobia... I could go on,” Mo answered sarcastically.

“What I mean is, my parents never forced that idea on me, at least not that I remember. All they ever wanted was for me and David to be happy. They probably wouldn’t have even cared if I’d dated a girl. And... and there were a few girls. Girls I thought were cute, or pretty. I could never really put my finger on what I was feeling, though, so I brushed it off. And now with Joan, well...” She trailed off and shook her head.

“You know,” Mo said, “it sounds like you really, really like Joan. And that’s ok, Zoey. There’s nothing wrong with it, no matter what people say.”

“But what if Joan doesn’t like me back? What if Joan only likes men?” Zoey knew she sounded anxious, but she couldn’t help it.

It was Mo’s turn to shrug then. “All you can do is ask. You have to take that leap, Zoey. But let me just say this...” He set his wine glass down and turned to face Zoey more fully. “We have spent more time discussing Joan and your feelings for her than we have spent on both Max and Simon combined. I think you have to take a chance and go for Joan. Which brings me back to my earlier question: how serious are you about dating her?”

“If she says yes?” Zoey asked. “Very serious. Like, seriously serious.”

“Ok,” Mo said, “then we need to figure out just how to explain your powers to your lovely lady friend. Because this relationship is not going to work if you keep it a secret.”

Zoey deflated. “Or Joan will think I’m mad and have me carted off to a hospital for loads of tests.”

“Zoey, can you really be in a relationship with someone and keep such a massive secret? And what if Joan were to find out? Do you remember how Max took it? He felt betrayed, because you were privy to a part of his life without his consent or knowledge, and he felt like he was at odds with you. How did you fix it?”

“I promised to be more open with him,” Zoey recalled, eyes going wide as she pieced everything together.

“Exactly. And don’t you think Joan deserves the same? She needs to understand what a relationship with you means. Your powers may be fascinating, but they can also be alienating, and if Joan found out you were keeping something like this from her, how do you think she’d feel?”

Zoey sighed. “So now I have to explain to her how I meddled in her marriage? And why I zone out at random times, and why I danced on a table in front of our CEO?”

“Honey, if you want this relationship to have any chance of working, you and I had better come up with a plan.” Mo picked up his wine glass and downed the rest of its contents. “Now, let’s get to work!”

Talking to Joan seemed like a simple idea. A simple idea that had very rapidly been sidetracked. Her parents’ anniversary looked like it would be a disaster. Zoey had yelled at Howie and made a maître d’ cry. Almost every single one of her relationships was falling apart at the seams. Max had taken a job with Ava Price on the sixth floor, after Zoey failed to give him the ‘correct’ answer to his question. She still didn’t know what the correct answer was, if it wasn’t that she didn’t want to stand in the way of his career. Was she supposed to kick and scream? To deny him an amazing opportunity leading a team just so he’d stay at the desk opposite hers? She knew he was still clinging to the song she’d sung him, still clinging to the chance they could be together. But if her talk with Joan went smoothly... Well, Max was going to be disappointed.

The ‘Max-retrieval mission’, as Tobin had dubbed it, had ended badly. Joan was in a worse mood than ever and now they were stuck in a bake-off with the traitor and the sixth floor. And things got even worse when Zoey entered Joan’s office to find Leif seemingly begging Joan about something.

“I said no, Leif. Now get back to work.”

“It’s just one drink,” Leif said with a frown, trying to sound sincere. “I thought we could go over some things for the Chirp-”

“That’s what Zoey’s for,” Joan interrupted firmly, nodding to Zoey in the doorway. “Now please leave, and I don’t want you asking me out for drinks again. It’s inappropriate.”

Leif glanced at Zoey with a frown before looking back to Joan. “You went drinking with Zoey the night of Simon’s party,” he reminded her. “The pair of you showed up drunk. You left together, too.”

Joan arched an eyebrow at him. “Zoey and I are friends, Leif. We were off the clock. You are in my office trying to coerce me into going to a bar with you to discuss a project we could discuss here during work hours.”

Deflating, Leif let out a breath. “Fine. I’m sorry to have wasted your time.”

The two women watched him leave.

“Wow,” Zoey said, moving further into the office. “What was that about?”

Joan looked a little uncomfortable. “I think I gave him the wrong idea at Simon’s engagement party,” she admitted, glancing over to Leif’s workstation as she spoke. “I was drunk, he was tipsy, he pitched the Chirp to me and we batted around a few ideas, and now he thinks it’s our thing. Like we’re going to keep having secret Chirp meetings while sipping cocktails at a bar.” She shook her head. “I feel kind of bad. I’m pretty certain he has a crush on me.”

A wave of jealousy swept through Zoey then, and she tamped it down.

Joan frowned, looked to Zoey. “I wasn’t too hard on him, was I? I don’t want to be, but it’s best to nip these things in the bud. Dating a subordinate? So not a good idea...”

“Because of the bake-off, right?” Zoey clarified slowly. “I mean, we don’t want to give Ava any more ammunition...”

“Sure, I suppose so. But these things are never a good idea, even without a bake-off going on,” Joan said. But her voice was a little off, a little distracted, and Zoey realised with a lurch that Joan was staring at her lips.

“Never a good idea,” Zoey echoed, now staring at Joan’s lips in response. “Human resources, and all that. Inappropriate workplace romances, bosses playing favourites... All very bad.”

“Very bad,” Joan affirmed.

Neither of them could take their eyes off the other’s lips. Then, Joan seemed to shake herself.

“So, uh, Zoey... Was there anything you wanted?”

Zoey had really intended to just give Joan an update on the Chirp, now uncertain about having ‘the talk’ with her boss after what they’d just discussed. But it seemed like her brain had disengaged from her mouth.

“I’m fighting with basically everyone in my life, I hate Max for moving to the sixth floor, I yelled at my dad’s caregiver, and I made a maître d’ cry. It’s been a really crappy few days, and all I want right now is to kiss you.”

Joan blinked. “Zoey...” she began hesitantly.

“And I know, this is wildly inappropriate, and also Leif’s still watching us from his desk, but I can’t help it. I feel like there’s something between us, something I can’t ignore...” Zoey took a breath. “If you don’t feel it, then I’ll leave you alone. But I have to know how you feel.”

The other woman swallowed, and was silent for several long moments. “I shouldn’t be doing this,” she said after a long while. “I’m your boss.” She stood.

“You are,” Zoey agreed.

Joan rounded the desk, never taking her eyes off the redhead. “Like I said, it’s always best to nip these things in the bud.”

Zoey nodded seriously. “Right.”

Joan came to a stop in front of Zoey then, staring down at the younger woman. “But...”

“But?”

A cautious smile was on Joan’s lips, and the vulnerability in her eyes made Zoey’s heart stop.

“But I don’t want to.”

A smile blossomed across Zoey’s face then, before she realised the conversation they had to have. “In that case, there’s something I need to tell you...”

They took shelter in the ladies’ toilets. With Tobin and Leif watching them suspiciously, it seemed like the best place. Besides, that way nobody was likely to walk in in the middle of the conversation.

“This seems a bit ominous,” Joan said as she looked around the bathroom. “Secret meetings don’t tend to mean good things, you know.”

“I know,” Zoey acknowledged with a wince. “But I didn’t want us to be interrupted.”

Nodding her understanding, Joan folded her arms across her chest. She looked anxious, and Zoey couldn’t blame her.

“So, uh, we need to talk about... Well, about me,” Zoey began cautiously. “About why I get so distracted at times, or, or sing to Danny Michael Davis.” At Joan’s confused look, she took a breath and ploughed on. “A few months ago, I kept getting these headaches, and I was worried I had what my dad has. So I went and had an MRI done, and while I was having an MRI, an earthquake hit, and when I came out I could hear people singing. Like, singing what they were thinking.”

There was a lengthy pause then, as she looked to the brunette to gage her reaction. For Joan’s part, her expression was only that of mild surprise.

“You... Have superpowers? Is that what you’re telling me?” Joan asked sceptically.

“I can’t explain it, but both Mo and Max know about it. And my dad, but I’d recommend speaking to Mo or Max if you speak to anyone.” Zoey shifted uncomfortably under Joan’s gaze. “I’m telling you this because if we’re doing... This,” she gestured between them, “then you have to know about it.”

Joan stared at the floor for a moment, collecting her thoughts, before looking up again. Her expression was now one of concern and perhaps a hint of fear. “Zoey, I know you’ve been under a lot of stress recently, and maybe it would be a good idea for you to take some time off?”

“No! No, I don’t need time off! Joan, I’m telling the truth!”

The brunette let out a small, uncertain laugh at that. “Zoey, honey, you’re telling me you can read people’s minds!”

“I can’t,” Zoey protested. “I can only hear them sing, and it’s not all the time. I only hear the songs when I’m meant to help. Uh, I heard Simon sing Mad World when he first started working here, and that’s why I spoke to him. I could tell something was wrong. I heard Max singing love songs to me! When Danny Michael Davis was here, I sang Pressure because my powers were trying to tell me I had to help myself! I’d just found out Dad was dying sooner rather than later, and then Danny Michael Davis showed up unexpectedly and it was all too much!”

Joan’s cheeks flushed then, and she looked away. “You... You sang to me that day, too.”

“And Simon and Max,” Zoey added forlornly.

She hadn’t realised what she’d said until Joan’s head whipped round to her.

“What did you sing to Max and Simon, then?”

Wide-eyed, Zoey scrambled to cover. “Uh, nothing important. All very embarrassing though; I’d rather not relive it.”

Joan pursed her lips, clearly not exactly pleased with Zoey’s answer, but letting it go.

“Have... Have you ever heard me sing?”

At the older woman’s question, Zoey shrugged uncomfortably. “A few times,” she admitted slowly. “Uh, that’s how I found out you and Charlie were having problems.”

“So you helped me because you had to? Because of this mystical power you supposedly have?” Joan wouldn’t meet Zoey’s eyes as she spoke.

It broke the younger woman’s heart, and she took a moment to compose herself before answering. “At first, yes. When I first asked you about your relationship with Charlie, it was because I had tried ignoring it and I ended up being followed by the song you’d sung. But then we started talking, and then I actually met Charlie and I could see just how awful he was to you. You deserve so much better than him, Joan, and I wanted you to see that. And the more time we spent together, the more I came to realise what sort of person you are. You’re fun, you’re funny, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, you understand me...”

“As flattering as that is, Zoey, I think you can understand why I’m suddenly rethinking everything.” Joan’s voice was tight, a tinge of hurt bleeding through.

“This is why I wanted to tell you about my powers, though,” Zoey told her quietly. “I... I knew I was taking a risk telling you this, but I had a chat with my friend Mo, and we both agreed it would be wrong of me not to tell you. I... Max and I came up with a deal once I told him about my powers. Because I can hear him sing and it gives me more knowledge about him than he has about me, I promised to always be completely honest with him. An open book. It doesn’t level the playing field completely, but it’s the best we could do. If... If you still wanted to give us a chance, Joan, I promise you that I will always be an open book to you too.”

The silence then was deafening, Zoey watching the other woman carefully as Joan considered everything.

“I... I have a question,” Joan said eventually. “You said you only helped at first because your powers made it clear you had to help me. How long was it before you changed your mind?”

“I changed my mind when I saw how Charlie treated you,” Zoey answered quickly. “He was so... Rude, and, and inconsiderate, and he didn’t give a crap about your work. You work so hard here, Joan, and Charlie could barely look up from his phone for ten seconds to look at you!”

There was a small, hesitant smile on Joan’s face then, and she flushed lightly. “So how long after hearing me sing was that?”

“A day and a half, roughly,” Zoey shrugged. “And I was hesitant before because it didn’t feel right to interfere in my boss’s marriage. It’s one thing to talk to Simon about him losing his dad, it’s a whole other thing to try to discuss your boss’s sex life.”

That earned a quiet chuckle from Joan, and Zoey felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

“Is... Is it alright if I take some time to think about all this?” Joan asked quietly. “I just... This is a lot to take in. I mean, it’s like some sort of science fiction plot, not real life, and...”

“It’s fine,” the younger woman interrupted gently. “I get it. I’ve had a few months to get used to it now, but... Yeah. It’s a lot to get your head around.”

Joan nodded, and moved towards the door. Just as she was about to leave, she paused, and looked back to Zoey. “I’ll call you later?”

“Sounds good.” Zoey smiled softly and watched Joan walk away.

The next few days were a flurry of activity, with Leif abandoning the fourth floor to take a job with Max up on sixth. Zoey privately wondered if it had anything to do with Joan turning him down for a drink, but the buzz around her team was that he’d been lured away with the promise of a promotion in the near-future.

While she and Joan had attempted to discuss their relationship on neutral ground, the nearest bar to SPRQ Point had quickly been invaded by both Max and Leif, causing the women to abandon the conversation for another time. On the plus side, as Max had sung Bye, Bye, Bye to her, it had at least proven to Joan that she wasn’t lying about her powers.

At work, Zoey had thought it was odd that Tobin had seemed mostly unaffected by Leif’s absence, but had been too preoccupied by the bake-off to really process it. That was, of course, until Joan took Max’s desk to help with coding and the two women discovered that Leif had been funnelling code to his fellow brogrammer.

“Ugh, I’m going to kill the pair of them,” Joan muttered as she stomped into her office, after having had a secret meeting with Leif on the fifth floor. “Idiots!”

“You got them to stop though, right? I mean, Leif could get himself fired.” Zoey frowned.

Joan let out a sigh then as she sat down at her desk, and she fixed the redhead with a shy look. “We need to talk about that.”

“What? Firing Leif?” Zoey wrinkled her nose at the thought.

“No,” Joan shook her head. “We need to talk about us. I spoke to Leif, and he said he’d been funnelling code down so that we could beat Ava in the bake-off. I was right about him having a crush on me, and he seemed to think that corporate espionage was the way to win me over.” She rolled her eyes. “But that got me thinking; if anyone finds out that Leif did this for me, this could blow up into a huge HR situation. And that’s also true for me and you.”

Zoey didn’t like the sound of where the conversation was going. “Joan? What are you saying?”

The brunette stood with a sigh, and moved round to sit on the edge of her desk. “I’m saying that, if we’re going to do this, we need to keep it quiet. We can’t let it affect our work like, at all.”

The younger woman blinked as she processed what she was being told. A small smile spread across her face. “But you want to give us a chance?”

“I don’t think I have any other choice,” Joan admitted quietly. “I haven’t been able to think about anything but you since we had our talk.”

“What do we do about work, though? How long can we keep this a secret?” Zoey’s brow furrowed at the thought.

Joan shrugged. “We’ll work it out. Right now, I’m more concerned about calling off this bake-off. Leif poisoned it. There’s no way we can continue now.” She stood, gave Zoey a small smile. “But before I deal with Ava, I want to ask something. What are you doing tonight?”

Zoey blinked at the question. “Uh... Nothing?”

Joan grinned. “I’m taking you out for dinner. Shall we say eight?”

Zoey smiled back. “Can’t wait.”

#zoeys extraordinary playlist #zoey x joan #zep fic #zoey clarke #joan bennett #my fic

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

Do you feel guilty? if yes, why so? There’s a few things I feel guilty about, but I don’t feel like getting into any of it right now.

Has someone you cared about moved recently? No.

Do you know the band DiscoToTheStars? If you like Nickasaur, NeverShoutNever, shit like that, you should look them up. I’m not familiar with them and I don’t feel like looking them up. I know of NeverShoutNever, but I haven’t listened to them in like a decade.

Are you trying hard in life? No. :/

Do you need to brush your teeth? Not at this moment.

Does your tongue hurt? No.

Where are you?. I’m in my room sitting on my bed.

Are you sad? That’s just who I am, man.

Do you like xbox? I have played one in years.

Do you eat peanut butter? Yeah. I haven’t had any in awhile, though. Now that I think of it it’s probably been a few years. :O

How many fingers do you have? 10. I’m not counting thumbs separate.

Will you be mad at me if i don't make this survey very long? Um, no. I’ll be fine.

Does your tummy hurt? Not at the moment.

Who do you sit with at lunch? I’m not in school. I rarely have lunch these days, but if I do I’m either eating in bed or with my mom.

Were you wrong all along? Yep.

Tell me a story about a stupid kid. : Uh, what?

Have you seen "Ferrets" on YouTube?. No.

I fucking hate Rihanna, do you? No. I don’t have anything against her as a person and I like a lot of her songs.

Are you the only person awake right now? In my house, yes.

Do you feel alone? Sometimes. Not so much physically, though sometimes, but more so in other ways.

Are you itchy? No.

Do you need to wash your face? No.

Do you want animals when you grow up? . I’ve had a pet(s) throughout my life. I currently have my 3 year old German Shepherd/Lab mix named Princess Leia.

Do you have an annoying old grandmother? No. I had a great relationship with both my grandmothers, but sadly my maternal grandmother passed away over a decade ago. She and I were really close. My paternal grandmother is still in my life and she’s very sweet and loving.

What year are you taking this? Good ol’ 2020.... -______-

Do you think the world will end in 2012? We’re still here in 2020, but barely.

What's your name? Stephanie.

Are you eating chicken? No. I’m not eating anything at the moment.

Do you like llamas? I LOVE LLAMAS! Sure.

Do you have pubic hair? Casually just throw this in among random questions about chicken, llamas, and ice cream. Okay then.

What's your favorite flavor ice-cream? Strawberry. I’ve answered this quite a bit lately.

Have you made a survey before? Once, several years ago. I wish I could find it, but it was on Xanga. :(

What's the nearest rainbow object around you? I don’t have any.

Do you have a phone? i don't. Yes.

Do you like the new Myspace? Damn, this is old.

Who are you dating? Wanna tell me about them? I’m single.

How would you like to kill someone? Um, I wouldn’t wtf. Should I be worried about you, survey maker?

Do you like to wear clothes? Yes. I don’t like being naked, I feel so uncomfortable.

When's the last time you pooped? You are quite weird.

Are you wearing armpit perfume? Can i sniff? What did I get myself into...

Are you happy? No.

Pencils or markers? Uh, depends?

Do you draw, or sing? Nope.

Don't you hate hangnails? They’re the worst.

What kind of surveys do you like? Long with interesting and random questions. This one is a little too much at times, though.

Have you ever gave someone a hand/blow job? Received one? No.

Did it snow for you on Christmas? It doesn’t snow here. :(

What's the date? Sunday, October 25th, 2020.

Do you feel like a stalker? No, cause I’m not one.

What's worse? Getting a boner or your period in the middle of class? Both would likely be uncomfortable and embarrassing, I’m sure.

Do you read FML, MLIA, OMGFACTS, etc? I used to frequent FML and OMGFACTS back in the day.

Wanna Fuck? No, I’m good.

What's up? I’m listening to an ASMR video and trying to get through this survey.

Are you hungry? No, I ate like an hour ago.

What's your worst fear? Losing my loved ones, dying, getting worse/never getting better, never doing anything with my life... stuff like that.

What's your favorite pattern? Plaid.

Ever seen a blue waffle? No, but then again I don’t often eat waffles, either. You’d just add food coloring, no? <<< Sadly, that’s not what it is. :X I hate that I know that.

Do you shop at Hot Topic? Yeah. I get majority of my graphic tees from there and their sister store, Boxlunch.

What's your favorite song? I have numerous favorite songs.

How long is your penis? I don’t have one. Wow, a survey that actually didn’t assume the one taking it was female.

Do your boobs hang low? No.

Do you ever replace the lyrics in songs to make them inappropriate? No, but I do the opposite of that.

Do you like the band Three Days Grace? Yeah.

I hate the new Gatorade shit, do you? Not sure what new Gatorade “shit” you were referring to.

Do you like ranting? I don’t like it, but it helps to do it sometimes. I like to save them for surveys and Twitter, ha.

Do you like pooping? Sigh.

Are you single? Yes.

So, i'm guessing your bored? Nope.

Do you go out to eat today? I’m not going anywhere today.

Have you ever thought about how the questions asked in a survey might reflect on what happened in the person asking’s life? Yes. I’ve definitely found myself thinking that during this survey.

Do you have fingernails? Yes. Barely, ha.

What's your opinion on Miley Cyrus? I don’t have an issue with her and I like some of her songs.

Do you know who Destry Moore is? Nope.

Can i have your number? Sure, it’s 555-5555.

Do you know anyone nicknamed Booger? No. Reminds me of that movie, Revenge of the Nerds.

Am i entertaining you? I’m over this survey to be honest.

What's your gender? Female.

What did you call your privates when you were little?

Have you ever named a penis? Do you have a penis? There’s still a lot left to this survey and I’m over it omg.

What's your favorite smiley face? :)

Have you ever worn silly bands? Yeah.

Do you cut yourself? No.

Need a friend? We could be friends. No thank you.

is this survey getting to long for you? Yes. What's your favorite name? Alexander.

What's your current mood? Tired and blah.

How loud do you like your music? I don’t like it blaring, just a comfortable level to enjoy it. Some may be a little louder than others.

Do you like toast? Sure.

Do you like the band "A Day To Remember" ? I’m familiar with them, but I can’t think of a song of theirs.

Do you have AIDS ? No. Wow, you’re quite invasive.

Are you awkward? Pfft, awkward is my middle name. <<< Saaaame.

Can you joke about rape? Wowww. What's your favorite type of drink? Mine is monster. Coffee and Starbucks Doubleshot energy drnk.

What kind of heart do you make on the computer? <3

Does blood interest you? Nooo. I’m too squeamish and it makes me feel faint.

Have you realized that there are enough surveys on here for you to never be bored? Well, I’ve been doing them for like 15 years, so I guess so. Although, I’m sure a lot are repeats. And the questions are sure repetitive.

Do you have a laptop? Yes, which is what I’m on.

Do you have good eye sight? With my glasses on.

How many burnt cds do you have? None anymore. I used to have a ton. I loved making them.

Are you good at English? Yes.

Do you like bands like BrokenCYDE and Blood on the Dance Floor? Never heard of ‘em.

Do you have a favorite movie? I have many. Color? Pastels, rose gold, mint green, coral, and yellow.

Number? Eight.

Have you ever seen a penis? Mhm.

Are you bi-sexual? No.

What do you think about gay people? Um, I think they’re people who are attracted to the same gender.

Do you believe in God? I do.

Do you like snoop dog? I’ve liked a few songs of his.

Are you horny? No.

Do you like ham? I like oven baked ham with gravy, but not deli ham. I’m weird, I know.

Does Stacyes mom, really have it going on? To him she did.

Do you have dandruff? Not so much anymore. I did when I was younger.

When your watching a video, does it bother if you can see the cursor? I’d likely move it.

is your computer slow? : No.

Do you miss your boyfriend? I’m single.

Do you have toes? Yes.

Are you fucking sick? I'm fucking sick. I’m not feeling well.

Do you want to puke? No.

What color are your knees? The color of my skin.

Are what age did you realize that knees was spelt with a k? I can’t exactly pinpoint the time.

Do you like twist ties? They can be useful.

Do you trust a hoe? I know this is a 3OH!3 reference. I can tell by your vibe.

Are you a vegetarian? Nope.

Will you forgive me for not being able to spell? I don’t care, man.

TV or Youtube? I like both. I do watch quite a bit of YouTube, though.

Do you live with your grandparents? No.

Do you hate your family? Nooo. I love my family.

Do you like applesauce? Sure. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had any, though.

is Bzoink the only survey site you can find on the internet? I never use Bzoink to find surveys. I get majority from others on here, but occasionally I’ll go to LiveJournal. I haven’t had to do that in awhile, though.

Do you use smiley faces? Yeah. I don’t go crazy with them, but I use them as I see fit.

Do you like TECHNO?!!?!?!?!?!!??!!!?!?! Not sure why you typed it that way, but nah.

Are you a retarded seal? I hope you’ve grown up and educated yourself since making this survey.

Are you sexy? Nope.

#barely made it through this one ya'll its... out there #I was too far in to quit lol #personal #text #survey #surveys

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peace-coast-island · 4 years

Text

Diary of a Junebug

A carriage ride down the rolling hill of daisies

Funny how looking closely at something seemingly mundane and ordinary suddenly gives you a newfound appreciation for them. Not that daisies aren’t pretty to look at, but it’s one of those things you take for granted at a glance. Upon closer look, you begin to see things like the shapes of the petals and the subtle differences in colors. No two flowers look alike and yet they’re still recognizable based on a few characteristics.

Eternia Mountain is one of those places that feels like you’ve traveled back in time. While there are utilities like plumbing and electricity, it’s very much like living in a remote place. The nearest town is roughly a half hour walk away - most of the residents rarely drive to town, or in general - and while the mountain folk get along with the townspeople, there is a disconnect.

Many say the gap’s gotten better in recent years, mainly with the younger generation, but at times it’s like they’re living in different worlds. Holly Anne jokes that her younger self would be appalled when she finds out that as an adult she’ll be spending some of her weekends hanging out in town. Having spent all her life in the mountains, Holly Anne can’t see herself anywhere else.

Many of the families have been living in Eternia for generations. Holly Anne’s spans back to her great-great grandparents. She was raised by her grandma Blessing, a beloved mountain folk who was known for her beautiful singing and kind heart. Blessing was kinda notorious as she was born in the middle of a fierce blizzard that ravaged the mountains. She was described by the mountain folk as a spirited and gentle soul.

Whenever she talks about her grandma, Holly Anne has nothing but fond memories. It’s sweet but also sad because it’s clear how much her death has left a void in Holly Anne’s heart.

I first met Holly Anne in Mulberry, where we both lived for a short time. Nothing against Mulberry but it wasn’t a place I could see myself settling down in. At the time we were both trying to find our place in the world. Holly Anne was going through a rough time with the loss of her childhood home followed by the passing of her adoptive guardians.

The old cottage was known as the daisy house because it was near a large hill that’s always blooming with daisies. Five generations lived in the little house that became the center of music for the mountain folk. It was the bedroom overlooking the daisy hill where Blessing took her first and last breaths. Holly Anne stayed with her until the very end.

After Blessing passed, Holly Anne was adopted by a family that lived on the other side of the creek. Her plan was to move back into the daisy house when she finished school so every once in a while she or a mountain folk would come by to tend to Blessing’s garden or do some cleaning. But as Holly Anne got older, upkeep kinda fell to the wayside, especially as the problems with it being such an old house began to surface.

With the cottage in need of repairs, Holly Anne was unable to move in as planned. Around the same time Holly Anne was helping Monnie care for an ailing Pop. While the daisy house was undergoing repairs, a faulty wire caused a fire that left the skies cloudy for days. For Holly Anne, it was like losing Blessing all over again. While things like Blessing’s dulcimer, various photo albums, and a box of keepsakes owned by Holly Anne’s mom were kept safe in Pop and Monnie’s house, everything else was gone.

Holly Anne was injured in the fire while trying to save whatever she could as well as make sure there wasn’t anyone inside. While she was recovering from her injuries, Monnie and Pop finally agreed to have an aide from town care for them, an idea they long resisted. So not only Holly Anne had to deal with the loss of her childhood home, but also the fact that her Pop and Monnie are nearing the end of their lives.

Within a year the old couple passed away and Holly Anne felt lost. Losing the daisy house was a devastating blow as she had built her future around it. She wanted to tend to Blessing’s garden and bring it back to its former glory. To play the dulcimer on the porch on a starry night like Blessing did before she fell ill. On rainy nights, she wanted to sit in the attic, look at the stuff hidden away, and make up stories about her ancestors. There was so much she wanted to do and gone it went, all up in smoke.

Not knowing what to do, Holly Anne decided to leave the mountains. She said it was an impulsive decision, a poorly thought out plan - not exactly the formative life experience she expected, but one she needed in order to gain clarity. The mountains held too many painful memories so Holly Anne felt that she had to get away. Problem was, she didn’t know where she wanted to go other than away.

So she moved to Mulberry, which was where most of the mountain folk who wanted to pursue higher education went. There, Holly Anne shared an apartment with Jane, her best friend, and they attended classes at Neighborhood Community College. Jane is currently going for a master’s degree in education and her dream is to open a school in the mountains so the kids wouldn’t have to make the long walk into town.

Holly Anne stuck around Mulberry for two years before going back home to the mountains. Mulberry’s one of those places that makes you feel unremarkable. Basically, most of the residents are here for something and once that’s done, they leave. It’s not the kind of town where you can see yourself settling down and taking root. I lived on the floor below Holly Anne and Jane and during my short time there, I think they were the only two people I befriended and interacted with on a regular basis.

Spending time away from the mountains helped Holly Anne clear her mind. She realized how much she missed her home and even though it’s not the same anymore, it’s still a part of her.

Through the losses she experienced, the daisies continued to bloom and grow. They were her anchor, a reminder of her roots. Her childhood home was gone but the memories are still there. Even after the smoke, the daisies kept blooming, a sign that life must go on. It’s an unspoken rule that Holly Anne is the keeper of the daisies, for they bloom the fullest when she’s around to care for them.

After leaving Mulberry, Holly Anne returned to Monnie and Pop’s house. She said it didn’t feel right to rebuild the daisy house. Instead the mountain folk decided to let nature reclaim the land and built a small garden memorial where the old orange blossom tree once stood. Since then Holly Anne has been tending to the garden and the daisies.

Over the years I’ve visited Holly Anne and Jane a few times when I was around the area. I can see how much more content and at peace Holly Anne is on the mountains than in town. Though since living in Mulberry she has grown to tolerate the townspeople. Maybe she does live a somewhat sheltered and reclusive life, but she doesn’t mind at all. She has joked to townspeople that she tried living in the “outside world” and said “no, thanks.” as soon as her trial was up.

Since I last visited and saw the daisy hill, the blooms have flourished and thrived. It almost doesn’t look real - more like a painting from a fairy tale! Holly Anne never expected to inherit Blessing’s green thumb, considering that as a kid she never really enjoyed gardening and only did it out of obligation. She describes it as frustrating and therapeutic, kinda like how it was when she helped Blessing tend to her garden. Sort of a love hate thing but in an affectionate way.

On beautiful days like today, Holly Anne likes to take the carriage out and go to the meadow behind the daisy hill. I still remember the first time she took me along and I was mesmerized by the sights. The scenery’s still breathtaking, probably even more so than when I last saw it. I can see why Holly Anne wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. She has her whole world right here in the mountains.

Sometimes, all you have to do is watch a bunch of daisies sway in the wind, and for a moment, you feel at peace.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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