#the way pacey looks at her here... Yeah...

[paceyjoeydaily]

DAWSON’S CREEK | 3x22 - “The Anti Prom” 

[zepskies]

One Exception

Pairing: CJ Braxton x F. Reader

Summary: Joey has invited you to a party at Pacey’s apartment, and CJ has agreed to go, despite the contentious history between him and your new friends. He doesn’t want to be the reason you miss out on a good thing, but it also means he’ll have to hide his apprehension (and his alcoholism).  

AN: Here’s the sequel to Good Morning! This story takes place in 6.14 of the show, with a little twist.

Word Count: 4K

Tags/Warnings: Mature themes, but it doesn’t really warrant an 18+ rating. Angst, alcoholism, hurt/comfort, jealousy, fluff, tinge of spice, and implied smut.

“Nice television,” CJ remarked, noting the giant monstrosity in the middle of this very loud apartment.

“See? Told you it’d be low-key,” you said.

More like high and off-key, CJ thought wryly.

Nickleback’s “How You Remind Me” was blaring. People you and CJ recognized from school were crowded in the living room around the TV, as well as milling around the kitchen with beers and solo cups, and it was pretty much a wall of sound that already grated on CJ’s ears. Pacey had to be in here somewhere too.

You squeezed CJ’s hand and gave him a sympathetic smile.

“You okay?” you asked.

He gave you a smile to hide his nerves. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He was no stranger to parties. He just didn’t often find himself going to parties where the host had once introduced his face to a brick wall.

Before he truly got to know you, CJ had a one-time unintentional fling with your (former) dorm roommate, Audrey. She’d been spiraling out of control in an alcohol-fueled depression. He’d seen a kindred spirit in her and tried to help her. He just hadn’t known that she was still sort of in a relationship with Pacey, who had a mean right hook when he wanted to.

And then there was Jen, Audrey and Joey’s best friend. CJ felt the worst for hurting her along the way, unable to reciprocate her feelings…

And, oh yeah, you still didn’t know about that last part. 

CJ silently stewed in all of this when you led him by the hand to find your friend and current dormmate, Joey.

“Hey! Glad you could make it,” she said with her wide, doe brown eyes and a too-bright smile.

You gave her a quirking look when you hugged her in greeting. She smelled like vodka and orange juice, but you’d never known Joey to go too hard in the paint with her liquor.

She gave your companion a little wave. “Hey, CJ!”

“Hey,” he nodded with a smile.

“You guys want something to drink?” she asked, gesturing to the row of liquor bottles and various chasers behind her on the kitchen counter. You internally paused for a moment, glancing at your boyfriend, but you turned back to Joey with a smile.

“Yeah, Diet Coke would be great,” you said.

CJ gave you a curious look, but he asked for the same. Joey bobbed her head before she went to pour the drinks into some plastic cups.

CJ leaned in near your ear. “Sweetheart, you’re allowed to drink. You know I’ve been to parties before.”

In fact, you and CJ had met at a club party. One where Audrey had been led up to some guy’s room while she was drunk, and CJ had all but broken down the door to get her out for you and Jen.

“I know, I just don’t feel like doing alcohol tonight,” you told him.

It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. You just didn’t want to risk making CJ even more uncomfortable than he likely already was, being near Pacey. You’d asked Joey to talk to him for you—a plea for him to not try and kill your boyfriend.

And there your esteemed host was, coming over now.

“Heyyyy, good thinking,” said Pacey. He went over to Joey’s side when she turned to hand you and CJ your drinks. He grabbed another cup to pour one for himself. 

“Hey, man,” CJ greeted politely. His hands were in his pockets, trying to mask his stiffness.

Pacey hesitated, taking note of CJ, but the beat of tension broke between the two men when Pacey graciously stuck out a hand.

“Hey. Good to see ya…not with my girlfriend,” he quipped with a smile.

CJ’s was a bit more strained, but he gave a wry chuckle along with his handshake. Joey elbowed Pacey in the ribs.

“Ah, what?” he protested. She gave him a firm look, pursing her lips. Then she turned to you and CJ with a smile.

“Hey, you guys have any whiskey?” Jen cut in, as she sidled up to Joey. “I’m not so much in a beer mood, but whiskey I could do. Maybe it’s the burn I’m craving—”

She stopped short when she saw you and CJ. Her smile thinned.

“Oh! Hey, there,” she said.

CJ offered her nod, but his insides tightened. He watched you brighten and give Jen a hug that the other woman couldn’t easily reciprocate. Jen’s eyes were on him, even while she hugged you.

You and Joey then broke off to catch up for a bit (CJ encouraged you to it), while Pacey went back to watching a football game on the mega-sized TV with Jack. CJ was about to join them when Jen’s voice stopped him.

“You guys look good together,” she said. She had a glass of whiskey in her hand and a small smile on her face. Her blonde hair was shorter now, cut just below her ears. Her black halter-style dress suited her.

But she wasn’t you.

CJ smiled more genuinely. “Thanks.”

Jen was a good person. He was still sorry that he hurt her, but he wasn’t sorry for choosing you.

You were happy to see CJ hanging out with his friend David, along with Jack and Pacey and some other guys from school. Meanwhile, you had the chance to catch up with Joey and Jen.

Maybe it would give you a chance to mend this weird rift of distance that had seemed to come between you and Jen in recent weeks.

You didn’t know where it came from, but you genuinely admired Jen as a person. She was smart, and she always spoke her mind and stuck to her principles. That was something you wish you had more of in yourself.

Now, she was a bit quiet while sipping her whiskey. Joey made up for it, with a kind of giggle-snort you'd never heard come out of her mouth before. You raised a brow, despite your smile.

"Yes, Josephine?" you teased.

"Sorry," she waved a dismissive hand. "Just remembered something. Like the fact that I really like vodka. I mean, it's clear, almost tasteless, so it's almost like drinking water, you know?"

You and Jen shared an amused look.

"Sure, that's what it's like," you said.

Joey's eyes went wide then. She leaned in close to you, leaning on your shoulder.

"Oh. Don't drink champagne though," she said, while eyeing Jen. She "whispered" loud enough to be heard over the music, and also hurt your left ear. "She once killed a girl with champagne."

Jen's mouth fell open incredulously. Your eyes went as wide as Joey's. This was some serious “girl time.”

"Wait, what?" you said.

Jen looked at her empty glass. "Well, would you look at that? Right on time."

She escaped to the kitchen to refill her tumbler, but you and Joey followed her; you out of morbid curiosity, and Joey because she too wanted more vodka than orange juice in her plastic cup.

Jen gave you a smirk as she filled up her glass.

"Don't worry, you're all safe. This is Jameson," she said.

You emitted some nervous laughter and leaned on the kitchen counter, trying to figure out where the joke was here. How the hell do you kill a girl with champagne?

“So are you sure you don’t want an actual drink?” Jen asked, gesturing at your soda.

“Oh, no. I’m fine,” you held up a dismissive hand.

“You sure?” Pacey said, coming up from behind your little group to find a beer. “I got your boyfriend a vodka soda. I can get you one too.”

Your eyes widened, though you tried to hide your alarm, smoothing your hands down your jeans.

“What?” you asked.

Pacey paused. He’d caught the surprise flitting across your face. “What?”

“Um…” Your hesitation came from trying to process information in record time. You looked over and saw CJ with David. Your boyfriend was indeed holding a different cup.

You returned your attention to Pacey. His brows were raised. Joey looked confused as well, while Jen was sipping at her own drink, in a way that hinted that she already knew what you were about to say.

“CJ doesn’t drink,” you explained.

Pacey brows popped higher. “Ah. He’s 21 though, right?”

“Yes, but he’s a recovering alcoholic,” you said with a sigh. You didn’t want to have to say that, telling CJ's business, but you didn’t know how else to explain why you were slightly freaking out.

“Oh…uh, sorry about that,” Pacey said.

“No, it’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it,” you said.

Pacey gave a wan smile and returned to the group around the TV, CJ included. You sighed and turned back to Jen and Joey.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know either,” Joey said.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” you said, shaking your said. “I’ll just check on him, if you guys don’t mind—”

Jen’s glass hit the counter, and she poured herself another whiskey on the rocks.

“By all means, check away,” she said.

“Hey, sorry man. I didn’t know,” Pacey had said to him, with a look on his face that also said:

Sorry you’re a leper. That’s rough buddy.

CJ found himself withdrawing from the rest of the guys, even as the smell of vodka wafted from the solo cup in his hand. He glanced down at it with a short sigh, but he didn’t drink it, even though his hand itched to raise the cup to his lips.

You startled him a little when your hand curled around his arm.

“Hey,” you greeted in a whisper.

“Hey,” he smiled back at you. But the worried look on your face made his smile fall.

“Wanna hang out for a bit?” you asked, nodding at a quieter looking corner of the living room.

CJ waved at David with the hand that held his cup, and he followed you over to the far side of the couch. You sat on its edge, arms crossed, while he found a seat on the sill of a large window.

You pointedly glanced at his cup. “Have you been drinking?”

CJ’s lips pursed. He took in your stance: arms crossed, shoulders tense, lips pursed, eyes deeply concerned and wary.

Are we having fun yet? he thought dryly.

“See, I’d be more inclined to answer that question if you hadn’t lured me over here under false pretenses,” he remarked. Though he did set the cup down beside him on the windowsill.

“What false pretenses?” you asked, your brows furrowing.

“You don’t want to be with me. You want to check up on me,” he pointed out. “You’re looking at me like an inmate who got loose in the psych ward.”

You frowned then. “That’s not true. I’m just wondering why you would take an alcoholic beverage from Pacey.”

“Your friend offered me a drink. It seemed rude to say no, so…” CJ glanced down at his hands in his lap. Your head tilted in concern.

“CJ…” you sighed. “Why the hell would you ruin your sobriety over something like that?”

“I don’t expect you to understand,” he replied flatly.

“Oh really?” you said. Your lips pursed in irritation.

“I just didn’t want to get into it with a stranger,” CJ said, throwing up a hand. “But thanks for telling him that I don’t drink. Now he’s apologizing to me like I’m dying or something.”

A sharper sigh fell from your lips. “I told you we didn’t have to come here. I didn’t want to make you feel pressured to—”

“Again, you know this isn’t my first house party,” he said.

“Yeah, I know it’s not. So why? Why did this happen tonight?” you asked. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been so disciplined with yourself. You have a set of rules, and you follow them.”

“Yeah, well, did it ever occur to you that maybe I realized that I was too strict on myself?” he said. “That maybe we wouldn’t even be together if I didn’t bend those rules?”

Your mouth fell open incredulously, a bit of anger sparking your blood. He knew he shouldn't have said that. It just kind of flew out of his mouth, immediately sparking his guilt.

“Okay,” you snipped. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t be bending those rules at all if this is where it leads.”

CJ's lips pursed. “What, because I’ve been sitting here, spending the last hour debating whether or not to take a drink?”

He gestured at the cup beside him. 

Your eyes blinked wider, with even more surprise, and a heavy dose of confusion.

“Wait, what? Are you telling me that you haven’t been drinking tonight?” you asked.

“Is that going to magically change all the conclusions you just jumped to?” CJ retorted.

You closed your eyes with a sharp, exasperated sigh. When you opened them again, you frowned at him.

“Uh, yeah!” you exclaimed. "Of course it does, CJ!"

“Well, it doesn’t work that way,” he said. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it. Fine. Just like I’ve been trying to find some normalcy with you here. But apparently you find that wildly insulting.”

He was getting wildly defensive right now. You sort of saw where he was coming from, but it was still frustrating. You held a hand to your chest as your heart raced with the force of your relief.

“Look, I’m sorry for assuming. I’m just…I was worried about you,” you said honestly. “I knew coming here might be stressful for you—”

“I can handle stress,” CJ said. “What I can’t handle is you looking at me like I’m a powder keg waiting to explode.”

You raised up placating hands as you glared at him.

“Fine,” you said. “Sorry for being concerned about my boyfriend. I’ll try to curb that behavior in the future.”

At that, CJ’s frustration and anger simmered down, swiftly followed by more guilt.

You got up and blinked quickly, like you were fighting tears as you shook your head. You aimed to get by him, but he got off the windowsill and went for your hand. There was no drunk excuse for his behavior now.

No, this one was all him.

“Hey,” he said, in a softer voice. He looked down at you with softer eyes too. He could see now that you didn’t mean to make him feel less than, like you had to watch him so he wouldn’t mess up in front of your friends. No, you were just genuinely worried about his wellbeing. 

You looked up at him warily. He held your hand more securely in his.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I am,” he said, when he noted your raised brow. “I’m really grateful that you care about me. That you’re concerned about me. But I’ve been dealing with this for a long time. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be yourself either, even when we’re out here in the wild.”

A small smile twitched at your lips. You held his hand back.

“Out in the wild, huh?” you quirked a brow. CJ smiled back and brushed your cheek with his thumb.

“I just need you to trust me a little more,” he said.

You nodded, smiling when his forehead gently rested against yours. The ends of his hair tickled between your brows.

“Okay, I’m sorry too,” you said. “Next time I won’t be so quick on the draw.”

You leaned up for a kiss. CJ met you there, sweetly at first. Then he tilted his head and deepened the angle of his lips moving against yours.

“Ooh save that for later,” Joey said, loudly from behind you.

It made you jolt in CJ’s arms. You turned your head and met your friend with a wide-eyed look of confusion. She held an empty wine bottle in her hand and waggled mischievous brows.

“Come on, let’s play.”

You really couldn’t believe that Joey was making you all play Spin the Bottle. For you, it was the stuff of awkward middle school horror stories of the highest form. She’d roped in you and CJ, Jen, Jack, Pacey and their roommate Emma, and Gus, a gross looking guy who was apparently her "fiancé" of some sort. 

Gus took the first turn, and got creative with it—giving Joey a nice lick on the cheek.

That’s what you get for making us play this dumbass game, you thought as you laughed.

Joey ended up giving Jack a sweet kiss, followed by him and Emma sharing a little lip-lock, and even Emma and Jen giggling as they came together for a peck.

But when it was Jen’s turn, the wine bottle spun, and spun…and landed on CJ. A chorus of “ooohs” came from the others.

You felt yourself bristle internally. It’s just a game, you reminded yourself. Just a stupid, stupid game.

You patted CJ’s knee and tried to school your face into amusement.

“You’re up, babe,” you said.

He looked a bit uncomfortable when he met your eyes, and then Jen’s. She wore a smile, though she was a little absent in the eyes. She’d been pounding hard liquor pretty much all night.

“All right, CJ. Let’s get this over with,” she teased.

He let out a subtle breath through his nose, but he uncurled his arm from around you so that he could lean over to meet Jen across the circle. Instead of the light peck that he was aiming for, she surprised him by taking his face in her hands and giving him a kiss deep enough to make him taste the burn of whiskey.

He parted from her with a flinch. His eyes blinked wide. A quick glance around the circle told him he wasn’t the only one who was surprised, but you were the only one he cared about. He settled back next to you and felt guilty for your muted disbelief, even though he wasn’t the real perpetrator here.

CJ frowned hard at Jen. She just smiled and crossed her arms around her legs, head bobbing to the tune of the alt rock music playing.

“Damn, Jen,” Pacey said, laughing uncomfortably. “That’s some dedication to the game.”

You were still shocked into stillness. You knew Jen was a bit deep into the bottle, but was she really drunk enough to try and make out with your boyfriend in front of you?

Joey finally dropped her hands from her face (she’d been watching the scene through the cracks in her fingers). She gave you an apologetic look. She was very effing drunk as well, you knew, but not make out with your boyfriend in front of you—drunk.

You finally looked over at CJ, not knowing who you should be more irritated with: Jen for sticking her tongue down his throat, or CJ for letting her.

“It’s your turn, bro,” Gus said. Not that he cared about whoever CJ landed on. He just wanted the chance to kiss another one of the girls. Preferably Emma.

CJ shook his head. “I don’t think I—”

“Go ahead,” you said. Your tone was a challenge, as were your crossed arms, and the tight expression on your face. “It’s just a game, right?”

That last part, you aimed at Jen. She finally had enough self-awareness to avert her drunken gaze. Your teeth were grinding.

Though you had to pause when you realized where CJ’s spun bottle had landed: right on you.

“Aw, well that’s good,” Joey said, with a nervous laugh that broke some of the tension in this little circle.

CJ let out a subtle breath of relief himself. But this was a whole new challenge as he met your steely gaze. He tried to give you a smile.

Your eyes fell. So with a small sigh, he gently took your chin between his fingers and tilted your face up to him, just before he leaned in to kiss you.

He plied you softly at first. His lips dragged against yours in a slow, lingering kiss. Then he angled his head away from the circle, away from prying eyes as he brushed his tongue across your lower lip, seeking entrance. You inhaled deeply, and you couldn’t help but let him in.

You uncrossed your arms and found his cheek with your hand. Your fingers soon delved into his hair, nails lightly scraping the back of his neck. He barely restrained a shudder.

“Ah, okay then,” Pacey muttered.

When you parted from CJ, your heart was racing, and there was a fire in your belly that you could see reflected in his eyes.

“I’m a little thirsty, you wanna…” he trailed. You nodded and let him help you off the ground where you all had been sitting.

CJ’s arm once again wrapped around your waist, and he led you into the first bedroom he could find. The door shut against the blaring music, the sounds of laughter and stories and dumb middle school games.

Until all that was left was you and CJ, and the sounds of quick breaths, clothes hitting the floor, and skin against skin.

“I’m sorry about earlier. With the game,” CJ later said. “Jen took me by surprise.”

Much later, where you were tangled up in his arms and the sheets, both of you mostly naked and tucked under the covers. You felt bad that you didn’t even know whose bedroom this was.

Jack’s maybe? You could only hope so. That would probably be the least awkward situation if you two were caught in here.

But at CJ’s question, your blissful mood of moments before was wiped away. Your face dropped into a frown. You turned in his arms so that you could see his face, resting your head on his arm.

“Yeah, what the hell was that with Jen?” you asked.

CJ soothed a hand up and down your arm. He knew it was time for him to come clean with you, even though he knew it might make you look at him differently. He could only hope that it wouldn’t.

“Before you and I started talking, dating—well, you know what happened with me and Audrey,” he said, expelling a breath of regret. “Before then, Jen had feelings for me.”

Your eyes widened. By now you could’ve guessed that Jen wanted your boyfriend, but you had no idea it had started way back then. CJ looked you in the eyes.

“I just didn’t feel the same way,” he said. “Then Audrey and I happened, just the one night. But Jen…I know I hurt her, and I felt terrible. I still feel bad about that, because I never meant to hurt her. I just thought Audrey and I had a connection.”

“And then Pacey,” you supplied, realizing where this story was headed. A fight between Pacey and CJ. Audrey left for rehab in California. And Jen was left to nurse her wounded pride and hurt feelings…especially when you and CJ began for real.

You closed your eyes on a sigh. This explained why she’d been so frigid to you lately.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” CJ said. “I didn’t want to come between you guys, or hurt her more by pursuing another one of her friends…I just couldn’t help falling for you.”

At that admission, you softened. You caressed CJ’s cheek, and you brought him down to you for a kiss. Again, it was slow and unhurried, yet no less passionate.

Your lips parted from his first, so you could meet his eyes.

“I’ll talk to Jen,” you said. “But…I’m glad I fell for you too.”

You and CJ shared a quiet moment then, each of you processing, hands intertwined. It had you thinking about everything he said tonight, even before the game. 

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it. Fine,” he’d said. “Just like I’ve been trying to find some normalcy with you here. But apparently you find that wildly insulting.”

You sighed and squeezed his hand. It was comfortably trapped between his bare chest and yours.

“Just for the record, you don’t have to be ‘normal’ for me, or be what you think I want around my friends. Just be you,” you said, meeting his green-eyed gaze. “I do trust you, CJ. I trust that you want to be with me, and that you have a handle on yourself.”

CJ smiled ruefully. He ran his thumb across the back of your hand.

“You were right though. The truth is I did get a little nervous tonight,” he said. “Being here, seeing Pacey…it brought up all that drama again. I took that vodka soda from him, and I was thinking about drinking it.”

“But you didn’t,” you said firmly. “Because you’re strong. Stronger than anyone I know.”

CJ looked down at your hand joined with his, at your face, set with honesty and vehemence. You seemed to believe every word of what you were saying. That alone made him feel strong.

“Thanks,” he said with a smile.

It hadn’t been all that long, but he knew this felt right. It always felt right with you.

You smiled back at him and leaned up for a sweeter kiss.  

“Thank you for bending your own rules for me,” you teased.

CJ chuckled. He stroked your cheek and pressed another kiss to your forehead.

“You’re my one exception,” he said.   

AN: As frustrated as CJ made me at times, somehow he weasels his way back into my heart. 😂💗 If you enjoyed this, let me know!

Ko-Fi Me ☕

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@idiotdyslexic @heartlessdelusions @chriszgirl92 @peytongoose @hobby27

@waynes-multiverse @lovelyunjinn @twinkleinadiamondsky

[overlydramaticinephile]

There's an us now.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader (no physical descriptions, BUT reader is Robin's best friend which is major plot point)

Summary: Steve and Y/N start to develop feelings for each other yet there are a few obstacles they are scared of dealing with (again, i'm the worst at summarys)

Word count: 4.1k (eye- she's a long one)

Warnings: Enemies to lovers kind of trope, pretty much a teen movie vibe, angsty?? agruments, douchey behaviour, fluff in there. Some curse words. (English is NOT my first language)

A/N: Hi! So, I've been working on this for a few weeks but idk how good it is. My work is never proof read....so....should probably warn that too. Anyway i'm posting it bc still in my “based on Pacey Witter” era…so yeah- hope you guys enjoy! <3 thank you so much for reading my other fics inspired by the dawson's creek show too!

READ PART 2 HERE

Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again?

Well, it all started a couple of weeks ago...

Y/N found a pay phone and called Steve after a failed night out. But I should probably tell you why she called Steve or better yet, how she met Steve.

Y/N has been Robin's best friend since they were five years old. It is your classic "I hope our kids become best friends" type of story. And of course, they did. Y/N was always the quiet kid in school; until she met hyper little Robin. It pretty much started with a simple "Wanna come play with me? I brought my new pet rocks!" and well, how could Y/N say no to that? From that moment on it was them against the world. Sure, they only had each other but that was more than enough.

And let's remember that nothing ever came between them, I mean, the way they love one another is something anyone should be jealous of. And when Robin was understanding her identity and felt scared about her own feelings and how others would react, she never hesitated to tell Y/N about them, she knew she would never judge her and that there wasn't anything they wouldn't do for each other. They were family after all.

But then came the year 1985.

Y/N and Robin were supposed to get summer jobs so they could save up for college and move in together. It has been their dream since they were twelve. Them against the artsy city of New York. Therefore, Y/N started working at the coffee shop near the new mall and Robin at the ice cream shop in the new mall. And that's when it all started to change. Maybe that's a bit dramatic, but we should probably continue with the fact that Steve "The hair" Harrington was Robin's co-worker at Scoops Ahoy.

If we thought Robin and Steve didn't get along or in better words, find each other's company annoying, Y/N and Steve had nothing on them. They could barely stand each other, always bickering and calling each other names. Many said it was because there was too much sexual tension but they would say it was pure loathing. Again, dramatic, but that's how it felt at the time.

When Robin and Steve finally became friends, they went to visit Y/N at the coffee shop. Steve protested but he could never win an argument against Robin. Y/N saw Robin and immediately started smiling, that was until she saw Steve with her of course, her smile turned into a frown with an annoyed look on her face, but what could she do? they were also best friends now. So, when they all sat in the modern coffee shop waiting for Y/N to start her shift, that's when she saw what she thought was one of the most handsome men she has ever seen. So she stopped listening to whatever argument Steve and Robin were having today.

"So, what do you think Y/N?" said Robin hoping her friend would back her up.

"Y/N? Earth to Y/N." Steve started shaking his hand in front of her face making her wake up from her daydreaming.

"What?" she said with a face none of them recognized on her but Steve still tried to figure out.

Robin looked in the direction Y/N was daydreaming and noticed the guy waiting in line. "Who is that?"

"Who's who?" Y/N said hoping that it sounded cool enough for them to not ask any more questions or better yet, to not embarrass her.

"Uh...the guy who's breaking your neck?" said Steve with an amused face.

"Could it be? Y/N is finally noticing the opposite sex?"

Y/N frowned for what felt like eight times that day. "Bite me, Steve." she deadpanned.

Steve could only smirk at that and couldn't help but tease a little more. "Um, excuse me, young man! This woman here thinks you're very attractive!"

Y/N widen her eyes and put her hand on Steve's mouth so he would stop talking. "You asshole!"

The guy in the white shirt turned around and locked eyes with Y/N and he couldn't help but smile at her.

After Y/N returned the smile and saw the guy walking in, she turned to Steve with an entirely different facial expression.

"I'm going to kill you, one night in your sleep, a slit throat, maybe, or a screwdriver to your temple. Be ready." that's when she got up and left.

And of course, Robin just stayed there confused about what just happened in the last minute.

-------------------------------------------------

Later, Y/N and the guy in the white shirt, which turned out to have a name, Scott, became Y/N's first real boyfriend. And it was nice... for a couple of months until they broke up because Scott thought they needed time apart. Yeah, pretty shitty. But that leads us to this:

The party was throwing a get-together and of course, Robin, Steve, and Y/N were invited, even Vickie, Robin's current crush. But Y/N didn't show. She was still in her depression stage. And Robin being the best friend she was tried almost everything to make her feel better but Y/N was convinced she was in love with Scott and that's why it hurt so much so... Robin's last resource believe it or not was Steve Harrington. He was a great listener and an amazing friend when he wanted to be... so Robin decided to ask him a favour.

"You should have seen her...Steve...I need to know that she's okay. Could you talk to her and watch over her for a while?" said Robin sweetly hoping to convince him.

"Oh no, no, no, no." Steve chuckled nervously at the request. Y/N hated his guts how was he supposed to do that?

"She needs someone Steve, not that she would ever admit it."

Steve started making this "I really don't want to do this” face, like when someone asks you to do the dishes or something but how could he say no to Robin? It was scientifically impossible.

"You would be doing it as a favour to me, please." She begged. She never begged. So with that, Steve accepted.

Later that day, it was Steve's first attempt at standing by Y/N's side as long as she needed someone. That much he knew.

While Y/N was crying by herself like one does and having the biggest pity party, she couldn't help but notice the figure of a man, a man with a very distinguished haircut.

"Ahoy there! Anyone on the shore?" said Steve. Yeah, don't know what he expected with that. I blame it on the nerves.

"What are you doing here?" Yep. She sounded annoyed between those sniffs.

"It's the damnest thing, I just got into my car and magically drifted to your house."

"Yeah well, magically drift any closer and I'll kill you" Yeah...she loved giving him death threats.

"You know, I almost believed that..." said Steve.

Y/N looked at Steve while he sat next to her and notice that smug smile he did when he tried to be nice. "She told you didn't she?"

He nervously sighed. "What do you think?"

"I think I hate you both."

"Well you really gonna hate me when you hear what I got to say...he did the right thing, Scott, I mean."

That made Y/N look his way again but this time with a confused expression, waiting for him to continue. "You both need to be apart right now."

"How would you know what I need?" answered Y/N with a very dry tone.

"Yeah..." Steve scoffed. "You know, you're probably right. How could I possibly know how hard it is to let somebody go right? The pain of knowing that even though you're right for each other, that doesn't necessarily mean you're right for each other right now. What would I know about that right?"

Y/N closed her eyes and hoped the tears would stop coming out. But of course, she never was that lucky.

"Of all the people to see me like this, it had to be you." She finally answered, wipping her tears.

Steve chuckled. "Well you know, it's a new year, who knows, you and I might even become friends."

Y/N glared at him. "Steve, I'm upset enough as it is."

Steve smiled and put his armed around Y/N hoping it would bring her comfort somehow and when she didn't move, flinch or punch him he had this warm feeling inside which only grew when she started crying on his shoulder, seeking that comfort.

And that is the how and why that made Y/N call Steve that night. Somehow thanks to Robin and that shitty breakup with Scott.

---------------------------------------------------

So, anyway, back to the day it all changed for the two of them.

Y/N waited for Steve to pick her up and hoped he wouldn't ask any questions. But then again, when did he not?

"Hey, so what happened?" Steve asked of course.

"Nothing happened." Y/N just wanted to go home and change from the fancy outfit that she now found stupid.

Steve only felt more curious. "You got bored? you got homesick? you finally ripped off his rubber mask and revealed his true alien features? what?"

"I don't want to talk about it." she couldn't get more clear than that.

The boy scoffed in fake offense. "Oh well, forgive me if I'm having a little bit of trouble with the “no questions asked” part."

By then, they both got in the car and Steve started driving for what felt like an eternity but Y/N couldn't stand to be in that place any longer.

"So, are you ever gonna speak again? come on Y/N, say something."

Y/N with a short temper finally answered what she was hoping to avoid. "What do you want me to say Steve? “You were right”? you were right okay? right as always. Steve Harrington, the only person in my life who ever speaks the truth." she said with a fake smile.

Steve found that ironic, you know, because of the fact that with time he started developing feelings for the Y/H/C girl. But that's a story for another day.

"That's not entirely accurate." he mumbled.

"Well, you told me what was going to happen."

"Which was what Y/N/N? what happened up there?"

Steve truly just wanted to help. He couldn't stand to see her sad, he just wanted to take all her pain away all the time, even for the smallest thing, he just wanted her to be happy.

"There was another girl." said Y/N taking Steve out of his thoughts.

"Oh…I'm sorry Y/N/N." Even though he secretly wished she would be with him, he truly was sorry.

"You know, the whole time that I was watching them I just kept thinking, this is it. This is real. Just like Steve said. This is the real thing. And it reminded me once again what exactly I don't have."

Again, Steve thought this conversation was just ironic, making him want to profess his undying love for her, but he decided to keep it vague. He couldn't risk the friendship they had developed and of course, the promise he made to Robin, the "off limits" promise as he likes to call it.

"You keep looking and you'll find it." smooth Steve, smooth.

Y/N obviously didn't get the hint "I won't. I mean isn't that obvious by now? I'm not meant to."

How dramatic could she be? "Why? because you're 18 and alone? come on…"

"No, because I'm 18 and in my entire life there have been two people that actually know me Steve. Robin and-"

"This Tobey guy didn't know you, alright? I don't care how you felt about him Y/N/N, he didn't know you because if he did, he would never have walked away." that Steve got worked up over her last choice of words was an understatement.

"I was going to say you, Steve." Y/N sighed.

Steve took a deep breath and consider his options hoping he wouldn't regret them later. Which made him pull over at the side of the road.

"Have you totally lost it?" Y/N panicked at the sudden change.

"Nope. Not totally. Not yet." Steve said getting out of the car.

Y/N was stunned by that but she mimicked Steve's actions and followed him.

Steve started pacing around becoming more nervous by the second. "Okay, what did you mean by that?"

Y/N was trying to figure out what the hell was happening right now. "By what?" she questioned.

"About me knowing you better than anybody else."

"Exactly what I said Steve. You know me, okay? and in a way that nobody else besides Robin ever has-"

Steve was starting to lose his patience, Y/N's oblivious nature frustrated him sometimes. "We're not talking about Robin right now, we're talking about me. I mean you can't keep up doing this to me, Y/L/N." he let out a breath he didn't realize he was kinda holding in.

Y/N was officially confused "Doing what?! what so I count on you and tell you secrets and suddenly-"

"And you call me in the middle of the night to pick you up, why?" Did he have to spell it out for her? It wouldn't surprise him if he did.

"I'm sorry that I called, I thought that I-"

"I'm not mad that you called me, I just want to know why you called me."

"You were the first person that I thought of Steve."

"And what does that mean Y/N/N?" This is it. This has to be it, thought Steve.

"It- it means…I guess it means that I can talk to you and that you're there for me."

Yeah, it wasn't, clearly, he would need to show her and that clueless mind of hers. "Don't you ever get tired of talking?" said Steve barely holding his thoughts together.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows so hard one would think they would have stayed like that forever. "No. No, I don't get tired of talking. I don't- no."

"I don't want to talk anymore."

"What are you trying to say, Steve? why are we standing here? I don't-"

Steve thought it was now or never. He rushed over to her, closing the remaining gap between them, and gave her the most tender yet passionate kiss either of them had ever experienced. Y/N was taken by surprise and at first, was in shock until she couldn't help it and melted into his lips and his embrace. It was heavenly after all.

---------------------------------------------------

One week later.

Everyone was waiting for Steve's birthday party. He complained but everyone was so persistent with doing something nice for him and the fact that they also crave some normal, monster-free activities.

"Oh, hey, look. There's Robin and Vickie." said Max with relief.

Lucas noticed. "Got the champagne?"

Robin smiled proudly at her accomplishment of getting the drinks while moving the bottle in the air. "Right here. Oop! Whoa. That was almost a disaster." she then took the bottle with both hands to prevent an accident that would end with the party not having some type of alcohol.

"Hey, guys."

"Hey." said the kids in unison. Pretty weird if you ask Robin.

"So, uh, where's Y/N? I thought she was coming with us." asked Max.

"She, uh, wanted to stop at the library and plow through that watergate history assignment."

Or....at least that's what she told Robin.

Because meanwhile in Steve's bedroom. A heavy makeout session was in the process. That has been happening a lot lately. And with a lot, I mean every day. Whenever they saw each other, they couldn't help but feel the deep attraction that was unlocked after that surprise kiss one week ago.

"Come on. Let's go, Steve." said Y/N between needy, sloppy kisses.

Steve only hummed and carried her to his desk so they could be more comfortable.

"It's your birthday party we're planning on going to." Y/N kept trying.

Finally, Steve found the strength to answer. "I have a birthday party?" he said mocking surprise.

"Mmm." the kisses just kept getting more determined which alarmed Y/N.

"No, we have to stop this. It's wrong." said Y/N with a whiny voice.

Steve was only partially listening. "Yes. Dead wrong."

While the brunette boy started kissing her neck, in between the pleasure she felt her overthinking mind also stepped in.

"Steve. Look, we've been in denial all week." she said moving him back a little so he would look at her.

"I mean, when we're around other people, we pretend like nothing's changed, and then the minute we're alone, it turns into this."

Steve furrowed his eyebrows. He truly was interested in what Y/N would say their relationship now was. "This what?"

Y/N thought for a second. "Well, this…embarrassing grope fest."

Steve hummed in agreement. "Yeah, I guess this is kind of embarrassing, huh? Especially for you, given how much you protested." he kissed her again.

Y/N kissed him back but then pulled him away smiling playfully. "I did not protest."

"You did too."

The kissing didn't stop until Steve backed down after his own overthinking.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait."

"What?" questioned Y/N.

Steve sighed. "I gotta tell her, Y/N/N. We do. We gotta tell her as soon as possible, because the longer we wait, Y/N/N, the worse it gets."

Y/N shook her head. "No, Steve. I've tried. I've tried plenty of times to--"

"Every time I see Robin now, I just feel like--"

"You don't have to bother filling in the expletive, okay?" said Y/N in a low voice.

"I mean, this isn't exactly the easiest thing I've ever had to do, Steve-- telling Robin that while she wasn't looking, I developed this bizarre gravitational pull towards her best friend, and I can't stop thinking about him or wanting to be near him or wanting to kiss him, all the time." And, the kissing started again. It was undeniable,

"I'll do it. I'll tell her." said Steve looking deep into her Y/E/C eyes to let her know he was serious.

Y/N thought about it for a second but then she shook her head again. "No, I can't let you do that. It's--this is my responsibility."

"Y/N/N, it's not your responsibility. I'm the one that started this, remember? I'm the one that got you into this situation. And, frankly, the only way that I want to save my friendship with Robin is to be completely honest with her, so I gotta do this. All I need is one day. Just one day."

Y/N decided to trust him. "One day."

"Yes." said Steve while kissing her forehead. "One day."

---------------------------------------------------

Steve waited outside Robin's window, hoping the strength to get in and see her would arrive. To many, this would seem a bit dramatic but given Steve's history with girls, Robin didn't want Y/N to be one of them and end up getting hurt, or, even the other way around. She hoped that it was possible for one straight boy and girl to remain only friends.

Taking him out of his thoughts, Steve noticed Nancy walking toward him.

"Hey."

"Hey, Steve." she said with an empathic voice.

She was the only one that knew what was going on between Y/N and Steve after Y/N needed some serious girl talk, she of course didn't mention Steve's name but Nancy figured it out in no time.

"Nobody home?"

"I don't know, actually." Steve mumbled.

"Could knock and find out."

Steve finally looked at her. "I could just walk right in, you know. They never lock it. I've been coming here, just walking right through the front door, making myself at home."

Nancy hummed at his response and notice how nervous he was. "She wants to be with you, Steve. She does." she said talking about Y/N of course.

Steve furrowed his eyebrows. "And you know this how?"

"Told me so this morning."

"Why am I not happy to hear that right now?" said Steve with a dry nervous chuckle.

"Well, because right now you've gotta walk through that front door and tell your best friend that the only girl in the universe she asked you to stay away from…"

"Is the same one that I can’t live without." Steve sighed.

"Yeah." said Nancy in an almost whisper-type voice feeling sorry for him.

"I've had this conversation with her in my head a thousand times."

"Yeah? how's it go?" said Nancy smiling a little.

"Oh, you know, Robin saying something along the lines of…"Vaya con Dios, Steve." She deserves a shot at being happy. Now…why don't you give it a try?"

Nancy kept smiling and nodding."It could happen. Just minus the spanish part."

Steve chuckled. "Yeah."

That was the first failed attempt at telling Robin the secret that was eating both of her best friends up.

---------------------------------------------------

Steve entered his house remembering he was also going to meet with Dustin.

Just two seconds later he noticed the curly hair boy. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Henderson, I'm sorry. Look, me and Y/N came to a really important decision." Oh right, Dustin also knew about Steve and Y/N little love fest.

Dustin looked surprised. "Woah woah woah wait, since when are you and Y/N deciding anything?"

Steve grinned. "You're gonna like this one, 'cause it turns out you were right. She's into me, man. That's why she got so freaked out when I kissed her."

"Really?" said Dustin with a doubtful tone.

"Yeah."

"So, then you told Robin?" Of course, he was going to ask that.

"Uh…no, not exactly. That's what I was trying to do all morning, Henderson. Remember the little errand that I had to run, but it just…turned into this wild goose chase, and… I didn't think it was going to take that long. I'm sorry."

Dustin decided to give him a piece of his mind now that things seemed to be getting more complicated.

"Look. Telling Robin that you kissed Y/N in a moment of weakness is a hell of a lot different than sneaking around with her behind her back, don't you think?" Dustin then sighed at Steve's sad eyes.

"Look, Steve, at the end of the day, Y/N and Robin, they're gonna stay friends or whatever it is that they are, and you're gonna end up alone. All right? no girlfriend, no friend, just completely and utterly alone. Think about it. I was right before, wasn't I?"

Even though it sounded cruel, they all know how sensitive the topic was for Robin. The party of course would support them and probably say "fucking finally" but Robin...she was in denial of all that chemistry.

---------------------------------------------------

Steve was walking to Robin's house determined on telling her and not backing down like earlier. But behind him running, was Y/N trying to catch him before he entered.

"Hey." Y/N grabbed his wrist and pulled this worried expression. She seemed upset too.

"Hey. Hey, Y/N/N, what's wrong?" said Steve while he hugged her trying to calm her breathing.

“Look, Steve…we can’t do this okay?"

"Can’t do what?" Steve questioned nerviously.

"I have to be the one to tell her, okay? I mean, things are really complicated between me and Robin, and it has nothing to do with you, it's just…look it has to come from me or else it is going to ruin everything." she said with the most anxious tone Steve had ever seen Y/N carry.

"Okay, okay, that's okay. Just calm down Y/N/N, it's alright. We'll do whatever you want to do okay?" he hugged her again.

"A sign of what?"

Steve decided to keep talking and see if that would calm her a little.

"I mean, you wanna know God's honest truths? I've been in the process of chickening out the whole way over here." he said chuckling lightly.

That only made Y/N overthink even more.

"Maybe is a sign, Steve."

Y/N didn't know if she should continue honestly but she thought Steve deserved the truth.

"It's just that for so long, she's been everything to me Steve, I mean this girl has been my family when I hadn't had one, and she's the one person in my life who I can always depend on and this, this is gonna kill her."

Steve then sighed, realizing something. "You never had any intention of telling her, did ya?" he then smiled. "You didn't come here tonight to tell her, you came here to stop me from doing-"

Y/N quickly cutted him off shaking her head. "No, I tried to tell her, I went up there and I tried-"

"Of course, you did but, let me guess, you failed right?"

After that Robin came out of the house. It seemed they weren't as discrete and quiet as they thought.

"I thought I heard something out here." she deadpanned.

FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED <3

so.... yeah. thinking of making part 2??

[fillyourwounds]

act i. the only time i felt bad for dawson leery act ii. anger & resentment is a slow burn act iii. i can't afford to forgive and forget

act i. the only time i felt bad for dawson leery

in season three, episode twenty of dawson's creek, we are met with a groundhog day type episode that tells the tale of joey and pacey telling dawson about their secret love affair that they have been hiding for some time. it gains ground every time the story is retold from a different perspective, scaffolding the details until we reach the moment dawson is looking out in disbelief at his two best friends on his front porch. the light of the porch is our character's witness to a breaking point that changes the show for quite some time.

"we didn't want to tell you this way," says pacey.

"you didn't tell me." says dawson, as he surveys them both. his eyebrow raises because jen had told him earlier that afternoon. someone else. not either of them.

joey looks up from her shame and realizes "you knew, didn't you."

"yeah i know." dawson lets silence hang in the air for a moment before he says "were you going to tell me or was this going to be a secret?" joey says it wasn't like that but to dawson this is his two best friends who were secretly seeing each other for who knows how long and he had to find out from a peripheral character about this relationship between two people he cares about and who he thought cared about him too. "she thought i knew, i must have been pretty freaking stupid not to know the two people i trusted most in the world were lying to me?"

he runs off in a rage. joey chases him up to his bedroom and he says "what you intended does not provide me with any solace."

and for a moment, i felt incredibly bad for a character i think is insanely selfish, motivated by nothing except his own interests and perception, who makes his friends feel like charity cases and hopes the world follows a dream script. his anger that flashed for good reason before he opened his mouth and his delivered line that makes light of deceit and intent. he and i were more the same than ever before.

act ii. anger & resentment is a slow burn

our friendship was not planned. it was a slip that happened in a feat of forced proximity. i had been angry she was moving here, along with everyone else, and my angst was worn away over time and acceptance. she was funny, vibrant, and she was the only person in a 20 mile radius i didn't hate. we went to the movies as a form of bonding. every fucked up experience we watched, we were inching towards each other. the passenger seat of my car held memories now. conversations after church about our weeks, running errands to the dollar general, screaming to music as we drove back from our movies, going on dates where we sipped on drinks and ate nachos and she talked about boys. she always talked about boys. we bought perfume together--we had a perfume that was OUR perfume. juliette has a gun. she would wear it when she wanted to be comforted and she would tell me "can you smell it? it's our perfume." it was girlhood. we were good friends.

my siblings and i all enmeshed her into the fold. our fold. we did everything together as i finished up college. we went to ihop every week together in the summer. we would eat mediocre food and drink decaf coffee while we laughed so hard we couldn't breath. we played uno while we left all our stress of the world in our cars. this was our thing, this was our sanctuary, a stupid 24 hour ihop next to a goodwill in the middle of indiana.

at first my feelings were selfish. i could get past some things. feeling territorial of my siblings. staying too late at thanksgiving. feeling juvenile in comparison to my newfound work relationships. and then we ran into the emotional immaturity that always seemed to make me look like a bad person, when there could have been better communication. that never felt good. being angled into arguments in front of people was not ever appropriate. though i feel we could have eventually talked about it and came to a conclusion, like "hey, i don't think you should invite people to something i planned 2 weeks ago the night before at 9pm and then you still bring the person and decide to have a private conversation right in front of me." it would have come out eventually from my side, i just needed to think about it. there would have been forgiveness and resolve. we could have moved on.

before i could even think about it, there is a shot with a shotgun next to my head and i have to go all the way back to the beginning. ringing in my ears, i'm walking through everything all over again but this time, there is a thread of her motivation i had never seen before.

when she moved here, one of my younger brothers had liked her. he tried to pursue her awkwardly and it came to nothing as he quickly got into his next relationship. her and i laughed it off at that very beginning welcome of her living here in indiana. what i didn't know was, she was actually talking to my youngest brother. she freely told me about the elder but not the younger.

and she really, really liked him.

i didn't know that they had been romantically involved on and off for almost 2 years. and i didn't hear it from them.

from the start, she had been into him. through every guy she went on about at the dinner tables, every moment where she was looking at me, he was there too.

"i think she was using you to get in with him. i mean if she can win you over, then it's automatically fine." my thoughts incarnate came out of someone else's mouth multiple times as i was processing the information of the last week. it didn't bother me as much that it was my friend and my brother, but it did bother me that they didn't tell me. there was lying involved. to me specifically.

i texted my brother and asked what he thought about the assumption she used me. i was anxious and upset but i was honest with him, more than i ever have been. of course, he played it off like it was nothing. he told me she didn't do that. and he promised me he wouldn't tell her that we spoke about it.

i get a call from her where she is crying on the phone. "i don't know how much you know or what people told you. if we don't get this figured out, i might have to leave the church and like, i don't want to. it's my only piece of home i have. also he told me that you felt like i had used you to get to him and that is just not true, and it hurts my feelings that you would think that of me in any way and i just feel so deeply hurt by this. i just wanted to talk to you and tell you that like, nothing really happened. (enter montage of downplaying their relationship) i wanted to tell you so badly, there were so many times i sat there and wanted to tell you. but he always said that the issue was his family and CLEARLY he was right...but for a second lets think about if i went ahead and dated him anyway. what would your reaction be? cause we are adults and like if anything were to happen i'd just want to know how you feel. just in case i pursue this anyway."

i sat there and let her talk. let's talk about in list format how this was fucked up.

i am the bearer of her entire life and if i don't act right, she suffers

i am the one who hurt HER feelings

there was no apology for lying or going behind my back for 2 years

she told me that i was the roadblock in her way when really it was my mom which is a whole other conversation she isn't ready to have

my brother told her everything

she made me do the mental gymnastics to figure out what i would do if she dated him anyway and

expected me to have nothing but positive feelings about the development

my brother and i duked it out for 2 weeks over this phone call. from verbal spar, to a stalemate where i iced him out for a week, and then i forced him into an excruciating argument where he tried to tell me i was wrong but unfortunately he was incorrect. this would have been easier if i was wrong. he is still an untrustworthy person in my book. i am not sure when i will trust my brother again.

your intent does not provide me any solace.

i would do anything for my siblings. the fact he cannot stay away from her is beyond me, even now. if i knew someone had caused my sibling this kind of bitterness, i would never look back. my love for my siblings outshines theirs for me by a million, and that is my own burden to carry.

i left our groupchat. she had messaged me to hang out and i told her i would be taking a break for a while. she told me it was my fault again. i wish she was right. i wish i was being fucking insane and i was at fault and i could go back to last summer at the stupid fucking 24 hour ihop when i was the last fool on earth who didn't know that i didn't really matter and it was all a lie.

but you know what i felt after i walked away? relief. utter relief.

act iii. i can't afford to forgive and forget

i live in a constant state of mistrust with others. i am slow to warm up and to give you real information about myself--the real flesh of myself i keep locked up tight. i wasn't always this way. it didn't used to be a mistake to trust or to let someone in my door to my inner suffering, my life, my heart. but the world is an unforgiving place.

my dad told me i must forgive. i must forgive because it hurts me to stay so angry. i don't know the last time i forgave anybody since i learned that i couldn't. i am my own best guard dog, my most coveted lock and key, my defense against the harshness of other's nature. i let her in and look where it got me. i no longer wish to be bound by her but my brother's betrayal is intertwined with her presence and persistence. at the center of it all, i am wondering why i must protect myself alone instead of those i love most protecting me too. it is not her. it is why can't i be guarded by those i love the most.

my unrest cannot be solved through writing alone. i thought it would be. i thought i would feel better after this. i only feel as though i am alone and the truest person i have is myself.

i am my own protector. i always will be. and it's all i have.

[kiss-my-freckle]

Stelenas saying Delena aren't like Pacey and Joey because they're toxic makes me laugh since Julie called Damon the show's Pacey and she wrote DC and shipped Joey with Pacey while Kevin shipped her with Dawson. I also think it's stupid how they hate on Damon for things like Elena walking in on him in 3x1 even though Pacey watched Joey take her clothes off in 1x10. Fandoms involving love triangles between siblings are more toxic than ones without, especially TVD, because I don't see the same amount of hypocritical nonsense in other fandoms or people making as big of a deal about many things they would if it was TVD. When they use personal issues to attack certain characters while letting ones like Stefan off the hook for the same it reinforces this idea in society where people side with people they like to assume they couldn't treat someone else badly and silence someone else who's mistreated. This parallel between them in season 6 is beautiful:

I've never really put much faith in all that "if you love someone, set them free" crap, as evidenced by everything I've done in my life up to this very moment, but I am determined to be happy, Joey. Happy in this life. And I love you. I mean, I always-- I have always, always loved you. But our timing has just never been right. And the way I figure it, time is no man's friend. So I have to get right with that and be happy, now. Because this is it. I mean, this is all that we get. If there's one thing I've learned from losing Jen, that's what I've learned. Actually, um, hold on. I'm not done yet. Because I also want for you to be happy. It's really important for me that you be happy. So I want you to be with someone, whether it be Dawson or New York guy or some man that you haven't even met yet. But I want you to be with someone who can be a part of the life that you want for yourself. I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I'm with you. So, I guess the point to this long run-on sentence that's been the last 10 years of our lives... is just that the simple act of being in love with you is enough for me. So you're off the hook./When you became a vampire, part of me was thrilled because suddenly there was this possibility I could have you in my life forever, but then the other part of me was devastated because I realized you'd lost the life that you wanted to have. And since I've been gone, you've gotten part of that life back. You're thriving, you're happy. Yeah, sure. Maybe you'd be happy if we gave it another chance, but the truth is is... You're better off without me. I died. You started over. I need you to live your life. Be happy. I love you, Elena. Enough to let you go.

You know, for the record I, I don't wanna be let off the hook. Cause everything in my life that I've done has led me here, right now. And the last thing I want, need or deserve is to be let off somebody's hook./Look. I've... made some huge mistakes in my life. Being with you wasn't one of them, and, yes, I had Alaric compel away my love for you, and, yes, I did love Stefan once. The night I died, Matt was driving me back to him, and yet I found my way back to you. Damon, I somehow always find my way back to you. It doesn't matter if I have memories or not. It doesn't matter if I'm a vampire or not.

Please don't miss my point here 'cause—/You're just saying that because you can't change what you are.

And don't miss mine. Pacey, I love you, you know that. And it's very real. It's so real that it's kept me moving, mostly running from it, never ready for it… and I love Dawson, he's my soul mate. He's tied to my childhood... and it's a love that is pure and eternally innocent. I can't be let off the hook because I just might get the notion that it's ok to keep running./No, Damon. I don't care what human me would have done because she's not here. I am. And if the past is a place without you and me together, then stop living in it.

Damon is Pacey, and they have a lot of great parallels.

I honestly blame Elena for walking in on Damon in 3x1. While he did know she was there, she would've had the respect to knock any other time. She walked through his door without knocking because she got another lead on Stefan and completely disregarded Damon in the process. Same level of disregard Lexi had when she pushed Stefan into that bar, not once considering the fact that it might be a bad time for Damon, so they ran into sired Charlotte and her dinner. Yeah, Elena earned seeing Damon naked.

[sunjaesol]

“The simple act of being in love with you is enough for me.”

jiara | post-s2 | pining idiots | title: quote by Pacey from Dawson's Creek

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“Kie.”

“Hm?” The girl’s mop of curls obscured her face as she mumbled out some vowels, clearly still buzzed from the night before. An amused smile ticked up his lips and slapped her calf again. She sighed. “What?”

“Leggo,” he pushed, “we gotta get to Pope’s place.”

“Why?”

Even if everyone else would deny it, JJ swore Kie was as bad as he was: slow and fucking lethargic before eleven in the morning. Sure, she had better grades in school, but he wasn’t gonna give her more credit than that. Speaking of, “Helping him with that new scholarship, remember?”

The girl groaned and rolled over to face him, droopy eyes cracking open to scowl at him. She slept where he used to crash whenever his dad’s place became too much, but since the old man fucked off to Yucatán, he found peace in the quiet walls and cracked windows. Regardless, it was weird seeing her sprawled on this mattress, the boy almost able to envision himself beside her. A dangerous fantasy to linger on, so he pushed it aside and kept on trucking.

“C’mon, Kie.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she muttered and sat upright. “How did you even get in the Château?”

JJ grinned and snagged a key chain from his shorts. “Spare key. Duh.”

She rolled her eyes, uttering, “John B’s stupid,” and then pushed him out the guest room, telling him she’d get ready. His mouth opened to make the joke if he couldn’t stay and watch, but the door slammed in his face and that was that.

Having a crush on Kiara was the freakiest thing ever. First of all, JJ and emotions didn’t mesh well — it only led to trouble, a perfect example being his dad and him with the most fucked up dynamic to boot. He preferred to not even think about the man, though one glance in the mirror often betrayed his mind and brought a rush of memories to the forefront, whether it was a shiner against his eye, or the fact that he resembled his father when he was young.

So yeah, he didn’t like anything ‘love’ related. It was stupid. It was more reckless than buying a jacuzzi or trying to steal a golden cross from a boat with dozens of armed men. Friendship, however, was easy. He told the Pogues just that: they were ‘it’ for him, he’d go through fire for them, through hell and fucking back.

But he didn’t think he’d actually die for them, which almost happened when he tried saving Kie on the Coastal Venture — to which she ended up saving him. (A vision illuminated by a golden sun, hovering over him. He’d never forget it.)

While he inspected the contents of the fridge, embarrassingly filled with only beer, eggs, milk and junk food, the door creaked open and revealed a dressed and less-wrecked Kiara. His gaze flicked up and down her frame, quick, and then averted it back to the fridge.

“You got no food, man.”

She chuckled. “I know. It’s not exactly The Wreck type of food…”

“You haven’t gone back?”

“Nope,” she replied, curt, and moved past him to shove a container of sausages aside to grab a bottle of almond milk. Even if she wasn’t with her parents, she still somehow kept up her ‘no dairy’ principles.

Also, Kiara was hella beautiful. He hadn’t let it register when she walked in, but it was true. Her soft-looking, shiny skin, sporting the prettiest smile in all of the OBX, and she was just hot. Especially when she propped herself on the kitchen counter, to which he settled beside her to not look at her legs.

“How many scholarships are there?” she asked. “Like, I’m obviously proud of him, but…”

“He told us last night,” JJ laughed. “You were that fucking high?”

She giggled, “Yeah! You were there, I was just on my ass.” And then, quieter, “And… I don’t know, I guess I’ve been kind of distracted.”

He perked up, surprised. Though the Pogues were family, openly talking about emotions when it wasn’t prompted by anything, remained rare. They were better at talking shit and smoking and napping on boats. Whatever, he took the bait.

“Why?”

She shook her head. “It’s stupid, JJ.”

“Kie, you’re talking to me,” he nudged her shoulder, “throw me a bone here. Is it Pope? You got the hots for our favourite nerd again?”

Taking a sip from the bottle, her brow quirked up as though that was the stupidest thing he ever said, and retorted with, “Why’re you always doing that?”

His hands raised instantly, defensive. “Doing what?”

“You’re always digging, like, when I was with Pope you got all weird.”

“I don’t dig.”

“You do.”

“I don’t. Kie, what’s up?” He kept it moving before she found the core of his problem, and bounced back to the original issue. “Before I start saying shit to Pope.”

She scoffed. “You're full of shit.”

“Oh, Kie,” he drawled with a smirk. “You can do better than that.”

Silence fell. He waited, fiddling with his fingers, and quietly hoped Pope wouldn't be too annoyed when they arrived late — then again, they were begrudgingly coined 'tortoise and tortoise' by the group anyway.

She placed the bottle back in the fridge and sent him a rueful smile, one he often saw her showing Sarah before they went aside and had a private talk. Their eyes locked and she finally spoke.

“Sometimes, I… I miss my parents. And it's like, I don't get how they don't just accept that I'm a Pogue, that I'm friends with you guys, you know? But I still miss them.” She looked down at her feet, crossing at the ankles like a little girl waiting to be reprimanded by the teacher. “I miss my dad's hugs.”

Instantly, his arm swung around her for a gentle side hug, a grateful smile pulling on her lips as she leaned into him. Both knew they should savour a moment like this, as hugging with a twitchy JJ and often irritated Kie happened once every blue moon.

Ignoring the guilty look in her eye — yeah, he didn't understand missing a paternal embrace, rather used to a blow in the stomach or a crude remark, but that didn't mean he lacked empathy — he resisted the urge to encourage her to reconnect with them. Knowing her, she'd just close up and glare at him for the rest of the day.

So no, he wasn't going to ask her. And no, she shouldn't feel guilty. P4L 'til the end, baby.

“Thanks, JJ,” she whispered.

He snickered and pushed her off. “You can't tell the guys I'm becoming soft, dude. Theyʼll give me so much shit for it.”

“They know you're soft,” she teased, “don't even try.”

“I'm tough,” he tried.

“Like Play-Doh.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled and motioned at the kitchen door. “Let's go, Carrera. Before John B and Sarah come back and act all married.”

Now that was fucking annoying. After John B and Sarah faked their death, they got married by a bandana strip and hadn't let that notion go after returning. Sure, there was that small blip when they were fighting the crazy religious chick, but that was old news.

John B made him swear he wouldn't tell a soul, but the guy waxed poetry about Sarah whenever they were drunk and alone. It was hilariously sad. Another man lost to a girl.

(“She wants a beach wedding,” JB sighed a couple nights ago. “Nice, right?”

“I– yeah, I really don't care about this, man.”)

JJ knew that when he got a girlfriend (Kiara unintentionally but also very intentionally crossed his mind), he'd act normal. No mushy shit. No poetry. Definitely no creepy Romeo and Juliet references thrown in as if that shouldn't freak the Pogues out. Their behaviour better not be infectious.

Expectedly, Pope's scowl reached them all the way from the car, Kie and JJ sharing a sheepish look before stepping out.

“Gee, guys,” the boy deadpanned, “thanks for making haste. Really appreciate it.”

JJ's wide grin hoped to salvage it. Slapping his friend on the shoulder, he pushed past him and yelled, “Kie was dead, dude!”

Pope grimaced. “Don't joke about that.”

He watched as Kie stopped beside Pope with an apologetic expression, telling him she overslept and was sorry and that he knew how JJ was — “Always joking.”

His chapped lips pursed, a familiar punch hitting his chest with him then pretending it didn't hurt. She always did this. Even if she claimed she didn't, she always took Pope's side. Relationship or not. JJ knew she didn't owe him her 'side', but it'd be a nice change of pace either way.

Whatever. This wasn't the JJ Pining For Kiara Show. Pope needed their help.

A state-wide scholarship competition gave Pope another shot at winning a huge chunk of money (no gold type of rich though) and getting his ass out of OBX, hopefully launching himself into some fancy college when he revealed to be of Denmark Tanny's lineage. Those hibrow assholes loved a good sob story.

All Pope had to do was score hella high on some test — easy — and impress the panel — not so easy — and he'd be the luckiest Pogue of all.

But that did mean Kie and him had to sit on his creaky bed with a freaky amount of flashcards while a stressed out Pope paced around his room. He was pretty sure the floor was eroding.

Also, he had no fucking clue what any of the flashcards meant. Did Pope's smarts really attracted Kie that much? Was it the brain? Brain over brawl? But where was the fun in that? JJ loved Pope to death, but the guy had to be fully medicated or high before his brain shut off and he acted carefree.

“Pope, do you even know what this all means?” Kie bemoaned, flipping the cards around.

“You got a dictionary somewhere?” added JJ, squinting at the word aberration. It sounded like some weird disease. He showed him the word.

Pope dismissed it. “It means: different from the norm.”

“Dude, why not write that then?”

“Because they want aberration.”

He didn't get it. “No one uses it though.”

“JJ, that's just the way it is,” Pope pressed.

“Guys, stop,” Kiara interrupted. “But honestly Pope, it's so, like, elitist. None of these questions are important to the world, or the well-being of the people.”

“Sorry, Kiara, but unfortunately not everyone cares that much,” he sighed. JJ could tell they were starting to annoy their friend, their tortoise bullshit bleeding through.

Her nose scrunched up, peeved. “Right. Because there's a planet B just waiting to be used by us. Duh.”

“Ooh,” JJ drawled, nudging her arm. “Are there donkeys shitting money?”

Kie laughed. “Yes. All beaches, clean air, no Kooks, and money-shitting donkeys.”

“Nah, I want it to be hella Kooky,” he joked, gesturing wildly. “I want a yacht and tell people someone else does my laundry, or something.”

“You don't even do your laundry anyway,” she bounced back with a roll of the eye. “I know you force John B.”

“He's already playing House with Sarah, might as well wash my underwear, too.”

Oh, man. He could do this all day. Talking shit with Kiara went as smooth as fishing for him. Each time he thought he one-upped her, she threw more on top and kept it going 'til neither knew what the point even was anymore. Sarah dubbed it as 'banter' which he believed was a rich way of saying 'talking smack.'

“I don't believe you even know how to do it,” she challenged.

JJ huffed and crossed his arms. “I can do it.”

A smirk bloomed on her lips as she kept jabbing. “It's kinda cute, how you need John B to be your mom.”

“I don't.”

“You literally said it five seconds ago.”

“Guys,” Pope groaned, followed by an exhausted sigh eerily similar to Heyward. “Can we get back to the flashcards?”

Kie and JJ were too far into their discussion though, jabbing at each other at rapid speed. Then she threw her cards at him and all bets were off. He yelled she should make a goal with her hands, to which he folded up a flashcard and shot it straight between her fingers.

And that was when Pope kicked them out. JJ presumed it was a victory they lasted as long as they did. Kie kept apologising over her shoulder, prompting Pope to ask Cleo for help instead.

For a beat, they were silent stepping out of his place and back into the car. JJ felt a stab of guilt for fucking up Pope's study time, but it was hard to dial his brain to school when his friends surrounded him. Just when he wanted to ask if she felt bad too, she went off about the climate — as usual.

“It's so dumb how there were no questions about the environment or human rights or, or anything like that! It's all science and lit, like, there's more to life than fucking chemistry formulas!”

“I skipped those cards. Didn't get them.”

“It's so fucked,” she hummed. “And I'm obviously glad that you drove to the Château to wake me up and all—”

“Yeah?”

“—but I really wish those questions would matter. We almost died, JJ!”

“No, shit,” he grumbled, quickly starting to lose his patience with the ranting girl. She didn't even realise what the fuck she was saying anymore — what she did to his heart, skipping like some elemtary school girl on the playground, when she slipped some nice words in.

“Died!” she pressed. “Why even care about stuff like that?”

“Fucks sake, Kie—”

“And I didn't want to say it, but did you see how many flashcards there were? How many trees were cut for that? It's like, hello, Quizlet exists!”

“Kie, shut up!” he yelled.

Her mouth fell slack, gobsmacked, gawking at him like his interruption was a slap in the face.

Gesturing wildly with one hand, he exclaimed, “You know, you can just go on and on and I hear you talking and it's like, yeah, we get it, Mother Earth needs to be saved, we're fucked, you don't gotta repeat it twenty-four seven.”

“What the hell, JJ!”

“You have an opinion about everything! A man gets tired!”

“A man?” She scoffed. “You're not even eighteen.”

“Point is you don't gotta act all preachy all the time.” He turned the corner, hands tightening around the steering wheel.

Kie scowled. “Where is this coming from? I'm not preachy, I'm educating you.”

Now that was just fucking with his head. Incredulous, he exclaimed, “You think I don't listen? Kie, I'm the only one that does. JB is on Planet Sarah all the damn time and Pope only did shit 'cause—"

"That!” she yelled, throwing her hands up with frustration. “That's what I mean! You're doing it again! You dig!”

“What?!”

“Every time you mention Pope and I, you dig. You needle!” Twisting in her seat, his gaze flickered to catch her disgruntled expression. “Why do you do that? It's so… sus.”

JJ laughed. “Sus?”

“You don't ask John B about Sarah.”

“'Cause they're fucking obvious.”

“Still,” she pressed. “Did I do something to piss you off? Is that it? Is it me constantly asking you to recycle and yet — shocker! — you never do?!”

“Fucking God,” he grumbled under his breath.

With frazzled thoughts and shaking hands, adrenaline coursed through him as he swerved to the side of the road and stopped the car. If he fought with Kie any longer to this degree of fuckery, they were gonna crash.

She frowned. “What're you doing?”

“You, Carrera, are driving me insane,” he deadpanned, matter-of-fact. Then he slammed the door open and stepped out, desperate to catch his breath.

In the back of his mind, he had an inkling as to why he was so keyed up. Kiara would call him a Neandethal, but fuck it, here was the truth: Kiara was hot as hell when she argued with him.

Following his lead, she got out, her sneakers stomping against the asphalt. The sun steeped low on the horizon, the light hitting the hood and reflecting onto her face; her curls shifting from dark brown to gold. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was so fucked. He almost missed the start of her spiel, too enthralled.

“I'm driving you insane? I'm always getting you out of trouble, because you never think things through! You never see the bigger picture!”

He rolled his eyes. “Bigger picture? The only thing I see, Kie, is you going on about nature. That easy.” And then, before he could stop himself, he spewed out, “And you don't have to do that.”

“What?”

“Getting me out of trouble,” he said, pursing his lips. “That's not your responsibility.”

“Right. Duh. Because after everything we've been through, I can't care about you,” she exclaimed, face twisting up in pure fury. She got in his space, shoving his shoulder, but when he didn't budge, it only seemed to anger her more.

JJ didn't know what was going on anymore. Why was she so mad? Even if she didn't want to admit it, he was telling the truth. Of course all the Pogues had each other's back, but Kiara doted over him more than was necessary. The constant checking of injuries, limiting his day drinking, all that. Like he was some child!

He leaned in and mumbled, “I can take care of myself.”

Kie smirked. “Then do your own laundry.”

It happened naturally. One second he stared at her furious eyes and thought about how much he loved arguing with her despite the bullshit, the next his fingers curled into her hair and pulled her in a fierce kiss.

At first, her hands laid frozen on his shoulders, surprised, but the moment he realised his impulsive decision was a mistake, they slid around his neck and kept him close.

JJ sighed in relief and deepened the kiss he'd been craving ever since they were fourteen and Kie went from gangly to statuesque. Her lips were warm and soft and her hands were soft and she hadn't let go and holy shit — he was kissing Kiara Carrera.

The kiss lessened when her mouth quirked into a smile, their grins pressing flush together, and JJ shivered from delight. Oh, man. He was gone.

“You drive me damn crazy, Kie,” he murmured, voice dropped to an undeniably soft tone.

She bit back her silly grin and whispered, “Good.”

Taking a deep breath, he tried focusing up, but all he could do was stare at her face. A shy hand grabbed hers.

He had to get it out of the way now, or else he'd kick himself later. “I'm… really into you. I'm– oh, fuck, uh–”

“Maybe we can talk about it not on the side of the road?” she suggested, amused.

JJ grinned, elated (What was the word he saw on the flashcards? Exalted!), and kissed her again, because he could.

On the ride back to the Château, he confessed to seeing her in a different light for years, while she couldn't really pinpoint a time or moment, that it just happened. It didn't matter, though he was in utter disbelief that he and Kie were having this conversation. No jokes, no BS, all seriousness. Tomorrow, he'd wake up and it wouldn't be some sick dream. Kie liked him back.

JJ was sure he'd doubt himself or overthink it in the future, but today, he'd bask in the certainty and the major ego boost.

“Okay, but did you ever legit like Pope then?”

A sheepish smile crawled up her cheeks as her gaze averted to the window. “I thought I did. But we have, like, no chemistry, so…” She shook her head. “I was confused.”

“That's okay,” he uttered. He couldn't give her shit for it. Even if he did torture himself with their short-lived relationship, he understood.

How would he react though? John B and Sarah wouldn't care, or Cleo, but Pope? He didn't want one of his brothers hating him. Being iced out by the guy fucking sucked, as it meant he was truly hurt and therefore meant JJ truly fucked up. He couldn't handle disappointing him.

Kie read his mind. “He'll be fine with it.”

“I dunno, man…”

“He will,” she repeated. “We're Pogues. We've all narrowly survived death. And besides…” She turned back to him with a secretive grin. “I think he has a thing for Cleo.”

Whoa. He did not see that coming. His brows shot up to his hairline, mentally kicking himself for being so focused on Kie that he didn't even notice the shift of interest between Pope and Cleo. They made sense, too. Know-it-all's, but well-meaning, and only speaking when needed.

If the idea didn't relief him of worries, he'd be concerned as to why they were all seamlessly coupled up like in some 90s sitcom Big John had on VHS.

“What a player,” he joked.

“Tell me about it.”

They arrived at the house, the Twinkie and Sarah's bike sprawled on the overgrown front lawn. JJ frowned. He had hoped to have some alone time with Kie, not to jump her bones and fulfill a regular dream of his, but to talk. To figure it out. He wanted to do this right. Because after everything, they deserved to have good things, to start on a high note — he deserved it.

Kie noticed it, too. Puckering her lips on contemplation, her gaze trailed from him to the rest of the property, ending on the trusty ol' hammock. She jabbed her thumb at it.

“Let's sit there.”

Normally, they laid on opposite ends on the hammock, if they even shared one to begin with. But now, she pressed herself right beside him and he felt like heaven dropped down on them in the best way possible. He suddenly understood what John B was lamenting about — the company, intimacy, the ease. Nerves rippled through his body like a summer storm, but he figured that was what it cost to lose one's mind over a girl.

He didn't know what to say, so Kiara spoke instead.

“I don't want us, the way we are around each other, to change, you know?” she said. “Like, I don't want you to think you have to act like some mellow ass boyfriend all of a sudden.”

He smirked. “Who said anything about boyfriend?”

“Bye.”

“Hey, wait,” he grinned, latching onto her arm before she pushed herself out. “C'mon, Kie.”

Her nose scrunched up. “I don't do this usually, okay?”

“You think I do?” he asked. His hand softly slid down to wrap around hers, to which she hooked their fingers together. Okay. Wow. It felt so damn nice that it propelled him to say, “I wanna be your boyfriend, Kie.”

The girl smiled and then surprised him by leaning in herself, pressing a gentle kiss on his chapped lips. It was overwhelming having her instigate it, his gut twisting up in excitement like when he was about to backflip from a boat, or cliff dive, or something similar like that.

He let go of her hand to cup her cheeks, only to whisper, “That's a yes, yeah? Gotta get a yes.”

“Yes, JJ,” she uttered back. “Here's to not fucking this up.”

“Cheers, baby.”

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[popanalysis99]

Toxic Men in TV Series who are the absolute worst.

(TW: R*pe and Sexual Assault)

While there are some men who seem to be interesting, let’s not deny the fact that there are most male characters who act like their “toxicity” is cool but honestly, it’s horrible and something not to root for. So here are the toxic male characters who are the absolute worst, excuse my misandry:

Kevin McRoberts - Kevin Can F**k Himself

We had to start somewhere from the bottom of the underworld. A recent entry on this list, Kevin is the lead character Allison’s husband who...let’s just say has the brain of a dumb frat bro who is extremely high on pot and hasn’t recovered since then. While most of the sitcoms in the past would portray these so-called goofy and dim-witted husbands as “big fun” and lovable, Kevin is not like that, at all. In this anti-sitcom nightmare, Kevin literally believes that the whole world revolves around him. He plans such stupid unrealistic schemes to seize the day, recklessly spends the savings on stupid irrelevant sports merchandises and doesn’t even let Allison have her own agency outside of his life. Plus he is so petty and spiteful to the point he destroys one good thing that any of the women in the series have, like Allison’s dream job and Patty’s love life. And that latter was because she didn’t bring him a burger! All of this makes him look less funny and more tyrannical. No wonder poor Allison got spurred into wanting to kill him.

Ross Geller - Friends

Ross may seemed like a “nice guy”, but let’s just agree it was a facade. Ross believes that he knows what’s best for the women he dates in the series and thinks he is superior and is always right about everything. He is seems extremely disturbed over the fact that his ex-wife, Carol is a lesbian and is jilted towards her current wife, Susan and snarks at the latter for it. And then there is her extreme control and jealousy towards Rachel, especially in her career. While Rachel is no saint either, Ross jumps to the conclusion that the man who got her a perfect job wants to sleep with her, then goes out of his way to humiliate and mark his territory on her and even if it’s revealed that the said guy has a girlfriend of his own, Ross still doesn’t abandon his theory, unless he believes that the guy is cheating on his girlfriend with Rachel. And then there is the fact that he joined his student girlfriend on a spring break just to have her all to himself, not caring about the fact that what if one of his students or colleagues would’ve seen him on TV with her and that could’ve put him in a huge scrutiny.

Joe Goldberg - You

The show is basically built around how toxic Joe is, but this didn’t stop him from having his own fanbase apparently, with most of them glossing over his actions. But Joe is not a dream boyfriend at all. Once he sees a woman in front of him, he immediately gets obsessed with her and believes she belongs to him and him only. And to achieve that, he stalks her, he checks everything about her, kills people he believes are harmful to her when he himself is the same and when the woman finds out about him and rejects him, he kidnaps and kills her and the cycle begins again.

Chuck Bass - Gossip Girl

What is it with the teen drama industry’s obsession with the “Bad Boy who can be redeemed with love” trope? Chuck Bass is “the bad boy” of Gossip Girl. If his attempted rape of Serena and Jenny didn’t give fans an indication that how deranged he is, his violent and emotional abuse of his girlfriend Blair cements him as this. He slut-shamed women around him, hit Blair once and even traded her for a hotel ownership and somehow he gets a happy ending with her at the end! What?

Nate Jacobs - Euphoria

Nate is a star quarterback of his high school football team and seems like he has it all, but underneath, he is fucking deranged. His untamed manly rage causes him to physically and emotionally abuse his girlfriend Maddy and blackmail Jules, who didn’t do anything wrong but just sleep with his father, which makes me think that Nate is blackmailing her into lying to the cops about his assault on Maddy when she wasn’t even there when it happened just because it’s fun for him. Honestly, I’d like to see the imagine Rue and Jules had of killing him become a reality someday.

Dawson Leery - Dawson’s Creek

Just because the show is named after him since he is the protagonist, doesn’t justify his actions. Dawson sees himself as some sort of a Nice Guy hero who believes he is entitled to everything. He has this extreme view on women and how they should fulfil his fantasies of his Rom-Com world. He is extremely critical of Jen when he finds out about her promiscuous past and tells her that she should be ashamed of herself for it, and gets jealous when his two best friends Joey and Pacey begin dating. And when he was briefly in the movie business, he was a rookie but was already a primadonna with the director and crew of the movie was working on and insulted a film critic for criticising his movie which was actually bad.

Kilgrave - Jessica Jones

Kilgrave is the main villain of the Marvel-Netflix series Jessica Jones. He becomes obsessed with the titular heroine when she breaks off from his mind-control. Before that, he spent years treating her as his sex slave and raping her constantly, which left her traumatised. He begins to stalker and believe it will be a “lover’s reunion” when he will see her again someday. He manipulates and brainwashes everyone around him to his whim and treats most women as objects but despite all that, sees himself as the good guy of the situation. Even after Jessica finally gives him his just desserts, he still haunts her everyday.

Fernando Vera - Mr. Robot

This spawn of satan is the reason why I decided to write this list in the first place. Where do I even start? He is first introduced into the series when he forces Shayla to go on a date with her and later rape her. This is what causes the misandrist vigilante Elliot to sell him out to the FBI and this apparently turns on Vera and moves his unhealthy obsession to Elliot. He has Shayla killed when he tricks Elliot into breaking him out of prison, then returns to have him all to himself by kidnapping his therapist Krista and forcing information out of her about Elliot so that he could “break him and build him back up”, like a fucked up version of The Taming Of The Shrew. He psychologically abuses Elliot into remembering being sexually abused by his father as a child and proceeds to gaslight him into thinking that he was just helping him. The huge problem with Vera is that he sees himself as some sort of Christian Grey who believes that his abuse towards both Shayla and Elliot is charming. Whenever someone failed his desires, he immediately gets bored of them and moves onto someone else, like when he got Shayla killed and moved onto Elliot. That’s why it felt so cathartic when Krista killed him.

Tate Langdon - American Horror Story

Apparently, he is Tate Langdon and he is...hot?? While most of the AHS fans glorified him due to his emo bad boy nature, let’s not forget the fact that he was a school shooter who murdered innocent students and staff and was in general possessive and toxic towards Violet. So no way he is boyfriend material!

Don Draper - Mad Men

Don Draper was the main protagonist of Mad Men. He was an advertisement and marketing executive who had a lot of vices and did a lot of horrible things such as cheat on his wife and treat almost every women and colleagues like crap.

Dexter Morgan - Dexter

While Dexter might seem like the serial-killer killer, there are a lot of things about him which are unadmirable. He gaslights those he is close to so that they could get off his back, obstructs evidence pointing out to him, captures those who didn’t even fit his victims like Doakes and caused the deaths of LaGuerta, Rita and finally his sister Debra. Yeah I think you should stay away from him.

Walter White - Breaking Bad

Aaah..the worst of the worst. Walter White is the protagonist of the series Breaking Bad. He first starts off as a pushover high school teacher who isn’t respected by anyone. When he gets diagnosed with Lung Cancer, he gets into the meth business so that he could support his family, but we all know that it’s not true. He relishes on the power and glory from being a drug dealer and then kingpin and because of that he ends up abusing both Jesse and Skyler, emotionally abusing and selling out the former to the sadistic Nazis and raping the latter several times. He is so petty and spiteful that he kills anyone insulting his ego, just ask Mike. And even after all this, he still claims that it’s all for his family. Like what?

[love-geeky-fangirl]

Ranking every teen drama I've watched

I have gotten really into teen dramas lately, because it's quarantine I can't go out and have fun, but I can still watch other people my age going out and having fun and doing things I don't get to do. Anyway I haven't seen all teen dramas, I was never interested in supernatural ones, so you won't find Vampire Diaries and similar shows on this list.

From worst to best:

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

I will never understand how this show ran for five seasons. It will forever remain a mystery to me. This show is so bad it's good. The writing resembles a wattpad story, Amy's pregnancy is inconsistent (like how was she five months pregnant for like five or six episodes, aren't the episodes supposed to be set a week apart?), the acting is bad (that is not to say that Molly Ringwald or Shailene Woodley are bad actresses, obviously they're not, I'm talking about Amy's sister that has the same facial expression no matter what her mood is supposed to be), some of the views this show expresses are very old-fashioned and damaging (the madonna-whore binary, the fact that they can't even utter the word abortion) and every single male character on this show is a creep and a cheater. I can't believe I watched like thirteen episodes of this. I will never get that time back.

Weirdest moment: "I'm a whore!" "Well, you're my whore." (Was this supposed to be romantic??)

Best moment: none

Glee

This is going to be unpopular and don't get me wrong, I like Glee, but I feel like the writers put much more thought into the musical numbers than the storylines. Again, Quinn's pregnancy is inconsistent (but I'm starting to think TV shows are always inconsistent about pregnancies), the characters don't look like they're in high school at all, the cheerleaders wear their uniforms 24/7 for no reason (Quinn even wore it to her sonogram, like seriously?) the whole celibacy club thing is weird and Mr Schue is a terrible teacher. However, the visuals and the musical numbers are great, Sue Sylvester is iconic (albeit also a terrible teacher) and some of the scenes are really emotional (Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand made my sister cry) so overall, it's pretty good.

Weirdest moment: Finn praying to grilled cheese (what??)

Best moment: Quinn giving birth to Bohemian Rhapsody, Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Dawson's Creek

I LOVE their 90s' outfits and Joey and Pacey are really otp material, but I just can't stand Dawson! He got mad that Joey didn't tell him about his mother's affair, as if it was her place to get involved. She was 15! It's understandible she didn't want to get tangled into that mess. He also slut-shamed Jen in a really gross way. He literally stopped talking to her for a day when he found out she isn't a virgin. Why are both Joey and Jen into this guy?? This would've been a much better show if it was called Joey's Creek or Pacey's Creek.

Weirdest moment: the way Dawson's mom confessed her affair to her husband. I don't think any irl human would use this choice of words. Also that scene where Dawson's father was teaching him how to kiss while Joey was watching. Cringe.

Best moment: any time Joey and Pacey are bickering. My shipper heart!

Pretty Little Liars

I loved the book version of this, but the TV version seems way too dramatic. First of all, they romanticized Aria and Ezra's relationship (ewww) and made the whole thing seem much more overdramatic. I don't know how to explain it, I mean the books are also dramatic but the TV show somehow took it to a whole new level. None of the girls look like they're in high school, but I love the way they dress and do their makeup. It's almost as though the writers put more thought into their outfits than storylines. I still loved watching it until Netflix took it off, though.

Weirdest moment: Spencer somehow trying to block A's number from her laptop in the middle of a park and then being confused that it didn't work. Weren't you supposed to be the smart one, Spencer?

Best moment: Haleb in the shower, hiding from Hanna's mom.

Skins

This is a classic. Effy is iconic (I somehow heard about her even before watching Skins) and the musical number at the end of season 1 was out of nowhere but still somehow fit perfectly into the story. I also give this show point for being one of the few TV shows where teen characters are actually played by real life teens. They look their age, talk their age (no "I reject reality" or other cringy lines like that) and aren't unrealistically perfect like characters from American teen dramas tend to be. They look like people you might actually meet in high school. However the show loses points for all the continuity errors (are 8 episodes supposed to be the whole school year??) and the number of unneccessary death/tragic accidents. It seemed kind of over-the-top and unneccessarily dark and brutal at times.

Weirdest moment: Chris's graphic death

Best moment: Wild World

Euphoria

The Gen Z American version of Skins, but with better visuals. Much better. I loved the aesthetic, the colors, the lighting and glitter. Zendaya's a great actress and I give this show points for casting an actual trans actress in the role of Jules. However I find it weird that all guys on this show are complete irredeemable assholes (except of Jules's dad and Ethan that is). Are we supposed to just root for the girls and not the guys? Also I find it hard to believe that any of these characters are actually 16/17. They have sex all the time (yeah teenagers have sex sometimes but on this show they treated Kat as some kind of a chaste nun for being a virgin at 16) and have seemingly no rules and no curfew. It would've been much more believable if they were in college.

Weirdest moment: Nate breaking into Tyler's house, beating him up and then taking a shower. The audacity this guy has!

Best moment: "You did this to me!" and Rue having an anxiety attack on the stage in theater class

Gossip Girl

I know this is also an unpopular opinion, because many claim Gossip Girl is the best teen drama ever, but for me it just got way too soapy as the seasons went on. The first two seasons were believable, even though they didn't really look like they were in high school, but after that it was just more and more weird plot points. I will give this show points for the fashion (I mean Blair's headbands and school uniform inspired a fashion line), the acting ("I killed someone"- iconic) and the choice of background music (Nate and Serena kissing to Paparazzi, Thanksgiving with Watcha Say). Despite the wild twists and turns of events, I just had to keep watching because this show had me hooked.

Weirdest moment: Bart Bass somehow flying off the building for no reason (seriously, what he did there had no logical explanation and defied laws of physics), Dan being Gossip Girl, Bart faking his death and returning more evil than before, Serena becoming Gossip Girl, the affidavit, everyone randomly stopping going to college... there are so many but Bart takes the cake I guess

Best moment: the Thanksgiving flashbacks from season 1, Dan placing a plastic crown on Blair's head

Freaks and Geeks

This is one of the few shows where high school is depicted realistically. It's not all glitter and parties and not everyone has sex and does drugs. Okay, I admit, the bullying was over the top and it was weird how no adults cared but other than that, it was pretty spot-on. It was emotional without being too dramatic and far-fetched and also had funny moments. Yes some of the characters may have been stereotypes but at least the show seemed self-aware of that. It's truly a shame we only got 18 episodes of this show, while The Secret Life of the American Teenager somehow got five seasons??? I don't get it.

Weirdest moment: when Cindy suddenly got super mean once she started dating Sam

Best moment: Daniel showing up at Kim's doorstep, Sam breaking down in tears in the end of 'Garage Door'

Gilmore Girls

I'm not sure this one counts as a teen drama, maybe it's more of a dramedy but I'm still including it here. It's funny, the dialogue is witty and full of obscure pop-culture references and the relationships between generations complex. Same as with Freaks and Geeks, the portrayal of high school is pretty realistic. Characters are shown studying and taking tests and not just partying all the time. However the show loses points for getting weirdly soapy in the 7th season. The dialogue wasn't as good and the camera angles were soap opera like and the storylines weren't very good either. You could really tell the show changed show-runners. The earlier seasons are the best. It's hard to explain but something about them feels cozy like a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day.

Weirdest moment: Lorelai marrying Chris and then making the whole "you're the man I want to want" speech, Lorelai defending and loving Dean for no reason

Best moment: Rory's graduation speech, Rory yelling at Chris and calling him out for not having been there for her, Then She Appeared, "Yes Emily, you may go first"... there are so many!

[stellaluna33]

They also start putting Rory in tighter clothes when it starts getting a little more obvious that she's into Jess and they start dating. She wears some pretty bulky shirts up to that point. Swan Song is kind of the prime example (because of the sex topic I'm guessing). It's a common trope in teen show (It happens with Joey when she starts dating Pacey for example).

Yeah. In addition to any connection with her romantic life, it's also just a signal that she's growing up. (Disclaimer: I'm speaking in general terms here. "Adulthood" doesn't necessarily mean developing an interest in sex or in paying more attention to one's personal appearance. People aren't less of an "adult" if they're not interested in those things. But a lot of people do develop in these areas and that's the cultural norm the show is catering to, so I'm generalizing) In season 1, she's still very much a child in some ways. As the show begins, she's not interested in boys or dances or very concerned with looking any particular way. Her hair is all one length, and if she styles it at all, it's usually pulled back with a headband or in a simple ponytail. When she DOES start to care about those things, she doesn't know where to begin, as she anxiously asks her mother for advice to get ready for her first date. Season 2 isn't much different, though she seems to gain more confidence.

Season 3 is were we really see her starting to experiment with her appearance more and wear clothes that emphasize her more "womanly" shape. It's not just the clothes, either. Her haircut is more layered and sophisticated and we see her experimenting with styling it in different ways... curling it, pulling the sides back in little braids, etc. Her "headband" days are mostly over. She starts wearing eyeliner from time to time, though she's still Rory "Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?" Gilmore!

Is all of this due to her wanting to look alluring to her boyfriend? Probably partly. But I think it's a mistake to assume that teenage girls only want to look stylish or pretty to attract boys- or even to impress their peers. It's a time when we're trying to figure out who we are and establish our own identities, and for a lot of people, that includes experimenting with your appearance and wanting to look a certain way FOR YOURSELF. And I think that Rory was going through that experience too.

(ETA. Dear Anonymous, I was in no way implying that YOU only think Rory wanted to look pretty to impress boys! It was a general statement. :) )

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Dawson being an insufferable, evil prick in Dawson’s Creek 3x03 (None Of The Above)

1. We open with a scene of Dawson and Eve in his bedroom 

Dawson: First things first. Movie night we're supposed to watch movies.

Eve: I prefer TV.

We have painfully been forced to watch Dawson watch movies and not just any movies... the movies HE wants to watch for the past two seasons. One movie night when someone else chooses what to watch and Dawson can’t imagine that they would do something that he “King Dawson” wouldn’t want to do. He then proceeds to be an insufferable snob and turn up his nose at her choice of TV show and TV shows in general. What else is new?

2. One of the reasons he hates Felicity is because she’s “chatty?” Fuck you Dawson! That toxic viewpoint that a boy who’s chatty, i.e. Dawson, is gregarious and charming, but a girl who’s chatty is a handful who should shunned by any self respecting man.

3. Dawson: You know, which is, in general, my complaint about television. It's not reality, it's perfection. I mean, nobody ever blows it or gets tested in any real way or ever makes the wrong choice or bad choice or...

I see why Dawson doesn’t like TV now.... he’s never seen a TV show. Seriously though, I have never seen a show where the characters are “perfect” and “never make bad or wrong choices” that show literally does not exist. 

4. Dawson brings the PSAT test answers to the whole group and proceeds to dangle it in front of them, even going so far as to encourage them to take advantage of it. He tempts Joey by mentioning how doing well in the PSATs would help her get a scholarship and then later in that episode he gets all mad at Eve for quote un quote tempting him when he himself was doing the same thing to his “friends.” What a fucking hypocrite. But what else is new?

(Little side note. When they have to leave the classroom and leave the PSAT test results on the table.. they come back and we see Dawson looking under the table. That makes me laugh every time. As if the test results just walked off the desk by itself. It either walked off the desk or someone took it. Either way, your not gonna find it under the desk 😂😂 )

5. Eve: It didn't disappear, Dawson. Somebody took it. 

Dawson: How do you know that?

Again... Dawson... you carefully left it lying there in the middle of a table. Of course it was taken, there’s no other option.

6.  Dawson: Whoever stole the test give it back. 

Jen: Well, wasn't it already stolen, Dawson?

Jen makes an amazing point. Dawson expects everyone to follow his idea of morality and follow his every command when he himself touted around a stolen test and tempted everyone with it, insinuating that it should be used. But now when it’s taken from him, suddenly his strong moral code can not allow them to have it.

7.  Dawson: She didn't tell me to do anything with that test. 

Joey: I bet when she offered you that test, you didn't fire one ethical comment her way, did you? It's just your friends who have to sit here and-- and suffer through the Dawson Leery morality play.

Another good point. Any chance Dawson can have to make himself feel morally superior to his “friends.” You know what? He probably brought that test to them in the hopes that someone would steal just so he could psychologically abuse them and make them feel like trash.

8.   Dawson: Here's the deal: I'm gonna leave my locker unlocked. Whoever has the test will put it inside by 5:30 today.

 Pacey: Oh, come on, Dawson. The petty thief among us already left the crime scene. They're not gonna return that thing now. What's the incentive? 

Dawson: To do the right thing.

To do the right thing?!?! So the right thing is to give a test to Dawson and Dawson alone with no idea what he’s gonna do with it? He could use it for his own self alone. How is that morally right? Because Dawson said so? And Dawson is surely the arbiter and decider of everything that is or is not morally right. Technically the right thing to do is for the thief to keep it and then burn it... right Dawson? 

9. Eve makes one comment about how one of his friends probably stole it and Dawson immediately thinks of Pacey. Truly showing what a horrible friend he is and how little he really knows about Pacey. Pacey is not the kind of person who would cheat on a test. He has not written one word on tests, he has even blatantly fallen asleep in class during tests. He just truly does not care enough to cheat and anyone who knows Pacey even the slightest, would know that.

10.  Friends, huh? Friends, you know, that word "friends"... it's an interesting word. It implies that you would actually believe your friend when he's telling you something. 

Dawson: When he tells me the truth. 

I hate that line by Dawson because in it he has shown his hands and put Pacey in a position where, no matter what Pacey says, Dawson’s not gonna believe him. Pacey said himself that he didn’t take it and Dawson says he’ll believe him when he tells the truth. Dawson has made up his mind and nothing Pacey says to defend himself is gonna change that.

Pacey: When he's tell-- ha ha! You want to know what I find so very amusing about this situation? I mean, what i think is so really, really rich about all this is that you yourself were capable of stealing this test. All right, you thought about it. You didn't throw that test away. You didn't give it back to Eve. You brought the test to us!

Dawson: No. I wanted to consult the people I trusted to determine what the best thing was to do. I never thought that anyone would be so weak or so self motivated to actually swipe it. (Trust? Hmmm his idea of trust and mine are two totally different things... but okay then, spew your bullshit if you want Dawson. Also weak and self motivated? Fuck you Dawson! You know nothing about Pacey)

Pacey: Weak and self-motivated, huh? Now, which one of those 2 colorful adjectives would I be? 

Dawson: You are who you are, Pacey.

Pacey: Yes, I am, Dawson. And so are you. You, Dawson Leery, are a self-righteous son of a bitch who cares more about his rose-colored defunct 1950s belief system than the people who fail to live up to it, huh? (👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 You tell him King Pacey)

Dawson: Interesting choice of words, coming from a smug, cold-hearted son of a bitch who just dumped his girlfriend after she begged him-- pleaded for an ounce sympathy! (SMUG?! COLD HEARTED?! Andie cheated on him!! Fuck you Dawson. Isn’t a friend supposed to support his friend? This makes me think the part in S6 where Dawson says that even before the whole Pacey/Joey/Dawson drama that he realized that Pacey hadn’t wanted to be his friend for a long time. Funny because I seem to recall Dawson being a horrible and vile “friend” to Pacey for seasons and seasons before Joey and Pacey began a relationship)

Pacey: At least I didn't send her father to prison. (Number 1, I don’t think this was out of line. I’d like Dawson to explain to me how this factually inaccurate)

Dawson: No. You just made her go crazy. (This is way out of line on so many levels and Dawson wasn’t even drunk. Even if what Pacey said was out of line... number 1, Dawson started it by calling him a smug and cold hearted son of a bitch for being betrayed by his GF. Number 2, what Pacey said was correct. Number 3, Pacey was drunk. Dawson has 0 excuse. What he said here was evil to Pacey and belittling to Andie and her mental health struggles that have nothing to do with Pacey)

11. Dawson: The only thing I can come up with is you, Eve. You happened to me. You and that stupid test. Look, Eve, I accept my blame in this, but don't even try to tell me that you didn't know what giving me that test would do.

No, Dawson, you do not accept your blame. You never accept your blame in anything. It is not Eve’s fault at all. Yeah, she gave you the test but she did not make you do or say anything you said over the course of this episode. That’s on you. 

[moulinrouge78-blog]

Sex fantasies and other surprises - Part 1

Netflix made me do it. This is my first fanfiction contribution ever posted. It’s hot and erotic because I love and live for SMUT. Enjoy.....

They have been together for a year now and he couldn’t be happier. Their long distance relationship isn’t easy but works out pretty well and today wasn’t just the Friday she would come to Capeside to be with him for a long weekend but also their 1st anniversary of being Joey and Pacey the happy in love couple who make it work.

And he’s got a plan. ‚You are a lucky bastard‘ he smiled to himself standing in front of his bathroom mirror getting ready for his drive to Capeside train station where she would arrive in around an hour. The thought about his girl made him feel light headed and gave him electric shivers that went straight down his groin. He looked down and could see his dick standing In excitement. But there was no time for that, first stops where the florist by the harbour and Capeside‘s fine jewellers. One last look in the mirror to ensure he didn’t miss a smudge of shaving cream on his face and his hair sat in place before he turned around grabbing his keys and went out the door. It was barely 9am and the sun was already warm standing high in a cloudless blue sky. The air smelled of seaweed and sand coming from the dunes with the birds chirping in the trees. He went around to his Ford Explorer and looked at the beach, breathing in the fresh air.  Three years ago the Dudley‘s passed away and Pacey didn’t hesitate to buy their beach house. While the winters are long and cold just as they are around everywhere in Massachusetts he thought Capeside is the most beautiful place on earth in summer when the weather is like this. 

Pacey checked the weather forecast for weeks and this weekend was perfect. He couldn’t stop smiling all the way to the florist and greeted one of the delivery drivers once he parked his car and run over to help the man handling big buckets of Magnolia, Echinacea, Roses, Poppies, Water Lillies, Day Lillies and Pale Grass Pink Orchids. 

‚Hey Rob, let me give you a hand‚ he said taking two of the buckets from the struggling man’s arm, nodding at him. ‚Oh thank you Pacey, these flowers don’t look heavy but they certainly are and I am not getting younger‘ Rob said wiping off a thin layer of sweat he felt forming on his forehead. ‚Ah man, you are still as chirpy and not a day older than 45, are you not?‘ Pacey said with a wide grin. ‚Well add another decade to it and you are about right!‘ Rob chuckled returning a friendly smile. ‚Ohh before i forget. Your flowers are ready! Rob said. Ohh brilliant timing. That’s why I am here. Thank you! 

Ten minutes later, Pacey left the shop with his wildflower garland made of blue false indigo, bowmen‘s root and peach leaved bluebells. He asked for seasonal wild flowers and the arrangement couldn’t be prettier. 

The jewellers was just up the road, 2 traffic lights and 5 minutes away and he suddenly felt very nervous.  This was the tricky part he wanted to get right out of all things. He knew how he wanted to propose to the girl who stole his heart. It usually is Dawson’s expertise to do the fluff and romantic stuff, Pacey did lack in this department a little he thought so he took Jen with him a fortnight ago to show her the ring he selected for Joey. 

‚What do you think, Lindley?‘ he bit his lip, nervous as hell, hoping it wouldn’t be too bad. Jen stared at the open black velvet box with the tiny yellow pear shaped moissanite diamond in the platinum ring base he picked, bedded on a satin cushion. The ring wasn’t pretentious and simple despite the yellow colour of the stone. He knows Joey doesn’t like gaudy things, keeps it elegant and classy and he respected that, ok who is he kidding? he thought. Joe‘s disgust for trashy things and the want to be authentic and real was adorable and sexy as hell. A sigh escaped Jen’s mouth and than there was a long pause. ‚Uh oh, that bad, Lindley?‘ he asked suddenly his throat terribly dry, not sure if he wanted to get a response from his dear blonde friend next to him. Jen also liked being real and true at all times and usually he admired her for that but today he hopes she’s gentle on him. Jen looked at him and back down to the glass counter where Hilary the sales assistant placed the ring for them to view and her face was not showing any sort of emotion, she looked blank. ‚Listen...Jen...there is still time, I can return it and you...YOU are a women of many tastes, you can help me making the RIGHT decision!‘ He felt  frantic, his palms were sweating as he took he reaction as a sign, that this ring was a terrible pick. She finally looked up at him and her face lid up. ‚Oh my god...Pace....this is the most, beautiful ring I have ever seen. Joey truly is a lucky girl!‘ Her voice trembled a little as the emotion kicked in and she hugged him tightly ‚You did well, Witter! ‘ I wonder...‚ What’s that? He asked, breaking their embrace, looking at her happily but confused raising a brow. ‚Does this ring come in a set with earrings, if so I’ll take them!‘ Jen said with a giggle. Pacey laughed at that remark and lightly slapped her shoulder. Ouch, Witter!!! He kissed her head and logged his arm through hers leaving the shop after he paid his deposit. At the train station the clock just outside the station tower read 9:58am. Great 2 more minutes, I am not late. 

He quickly checked the arrival table on the monitor and was glad that the train was on time before he made his short way to the platform. With that he heard the chuffing sound of the fast train approaching the platform slowing down until it came to a noisy halt. Passenger‘s got off the train, restricting his view, so he tiptoed and bend his neck. It took him a few moments and he saw her. His heart pounded fast in his chest. It was only a few days ago that they been together but his body reacted like he hasn’t seen her for weeks, months or even years. She stepped off the train, holding onto a small beige hard shell travel trolley with her right hand. She wore a tie front puff sleeve midi dress in light blue with matching hairband holding her hair in a ponytail and white leather sandals with block heel. Each movement made the dress show off her long silky tanned legs. She still hasn’t spotted him, looking from left to right, a puzzled look on her face that made her mouth pout. 

Ohh those lips he thought. He could tell she didn’t bother with make up, only a little bit of mascara, a little rogue to make her cheeks glow peachy and a colourless chapstick is all she would use, she was the most beautiful girl he ever laid eyes on and he was glad she finally grown in confidence to see herself not just as a too tall woman with long limbs and feels comfortable in her skin. The tie front of her dress was open a little and he could faintly guess where her chest bone would turn into the bulge of her breasts.  His heart skipped a beat and he manoeuvred the best he could into her direction without being seen. She fumbled on the zipper of her trolley standing with her bare back to him. He reached for her waist while his other hand went to her neck placing little kisses onto the bare skin underneath her hairline.  ‘Hello gorgeous!’ ‘Mmmm’ was the only vocabulary escaping her lips. She leaned into him, eyes closed and smiling her big smile that drove him insane. 

He felt her ass rotating and grinding into his hard bulge ‘Ahhh, Pace happy to see me?’  and suddenly his khaki shorts felt way too tight. His hands holding onto her arms for stability he whispered into her ear, nibbling her lobe and finally resting his chin on her shoulder ‘Ohh Jo, you have no idea. I wouldn’t like anything more than to pull up that fabric of your dress and take you right here, right now giving by passengers a show of their life time.‘

With that he swirled her around and let her fall into his arms, looking deeply in her dark brown eyes. ‘God I missed you, Potter!’ ‘I missed you so much, my sweetheart!’ she whispered back. There it was. Just like that he was on fire. She licked her lips. Her way of saying that she is ready to be kissed. He didn’t need an Invitation to place his lips on hers. Their lips met and she opened just a little to let him in and he darted his tongue around her full mouth, stifling her moan by dancing with her tongue tip. She opened her mouth wider and he took all of her tongue, sucking on it, releasing her and sucking her tip once again, breaking free for air.

‘Let me take you home, before Doug gets send here for sexual assault in public!’ Um, yeah probably not a good idea to be stars of Capeside journal as ‘horny couple set off at train station!’ she said with an amused wink at him. They went for a quick early lunch at the ice house before heading arm in arm to the beach house. Oh my god, Pace you really went trough with it? She gestured at the outdoor shower in the garden as soon as they arrived. This is so cool. It’s not just cool but also practical in the summer after a long shift in the restaurant. Here let me show you. The shower was attached to white wooden panels with hanging baskets for toiletries, soaps, hair care, sponges and even a back rub. Two big yellow towels occupied two of the four metal hooks. The floor was made of deep blue and green mosaics and an anti slip finish. It had a long bench at the side with futon pillows where the water couldn’t reach. For privacy the shower area was secluded by it’s own 8 ft. garden fence made of thick hazel hurdle woven wattle with bushy leafy planters in front of it. The top was free but Joey noticed a handle at the side and a large panel above. ‘What’s that for?’ she wondered.

  Ohh this is for chillier evenings to keep the rain out. He turned the handle and a retractable yellow thick shade pulled out. This looks just like...

...the sail of True Love?  he finished her sentence, smiling at her. Yes, Joey it’s the same material I used for true love since it’s weather resistance and I like to feel being out of sea while having a shower outside. He smirked. I understand Pace, once a Captain always a Captain. She chuckled. I haven’t used it yet since it just got finished two days ago. But the water is on...here...step back, I’ll show you!   Joey stepped back and he turned the shower on.  Warm water splashed from the shower head. He was about to turn the shower off but Joey laid his hand on his. 

‘Leave it on Pace!’

She unfastened her sandals, slipped them off and untied her hairband. It took him a moment to register what she was doing. He closed the gate and she came towards him, started to unbutton his shirt looking him straight in his eyes. ‘I want to shower with you and feel you!’ He lost his voice and was only able to mumble ‘God Joey, this is one of my fantasies of us!’ ‘I know it’s mine, too’ she replied. She yanked his dark grey shirt off his shoulders and placed it on one of the free hooks. His chest hairs stood in anticipation as she began licking his right nipple over to his left, making them stand. His breathing was now fast and he desperately  needed her out of her dress. She suckled on his now hard nipples and he was able to free her arms from the dress, letting it slip to the floor. She stepped out off the dress and tossed it to the side, now opening the zipper of his khakis, pulling the waistband down together with his boxers. A quick ‚Ahhh‘ escaped him. He stood naked in front of her and she let out a high pitched sigh. He was so handsome, his broad shoulders and wide chest, defined long legs and his glory of dark pubic hair and big cock standing to his attention solid for her. Just looking at him sends shivers down her spine to her centre. His size used to concern her but now she just feels all tingly inside looking at him, knowing how good he feels and what electric shocks she experiences when his full length fills her. Pacey went out of his shorts, kicked off his flip flops and pulled her by the slim line of her thin thong pulling her closer with his hands freeing her from the last shed of material that was between them. She reached for his cock and held him tight, kissing his slightly open mouth. He returned the kiss, moaning in her mouth meeting her dancing tongue with his.  ‘Mmmm Joey...I love it when you are in this mood, mmm....ahhhh....don’t stop.‘ Pacey was now fully under the shower, her hands rubbing up and down his shaft, his balls hard and heavy. I need to taste you, Pace. ‚I won’t last, Jo‘

‚Than don’t, sweetheart!‘ with that she pulled his skin to expose his juicy cherry and slowly went down as much as her mouth could take, her tongue sucking on the throbbing top, licking up and down his vein, increasing the speed. Ahhh...Fuck...Jo!! His hands got lost in her now wet hair, watching her moving mouth on him. He needed to focus on something else to not burst right there and than. She felt him edging in her mouth, droplets of his salty pre-cum making her vagina quiver. Cupping his full sack, she released his length to take his hard marbles in, licking and sucking on the crinkly skin. ‘Jo, I am so close.’ This was the best foreplay. She was so wet and wanted him to shoot but couldn’t decide where she wanted it. She went fully in the warmth of the shower now. Sitting on the floor, opening her legs as wide as she could, pulling him down with her. Her vagina was on full display, her lips open to show her meaty flesh and her clit erect standing out like a flower bud. Her breath was pitchy, her eyes heavy with lust. She started moving her index and middle finger around her clit, masturbating with swift and fast movements. Jo, you are everybody’s wet dream. You are so gorgeous. He was wanking his cock hard, looking at her delicate flower, kissed her, watched her touching herself,  her nipples equally beautiful and erect. This view was all he needed and with a long ‘ahhh Jo, my sweet giiiiirllll, ahhhh...he finally exploded, his load hitting her hard on her open center. She used his juices to rub herself, hissing at the feeling that build in her. He could see her ecstasy, still panting he went down, his nose touching her soft folds so juicy and inviting like a piece of fruit. Her smell mixing with his juices, he inhaled and flickered his tongue out founding her hard clit, his fingers replacing hers, entering her slowly, not letting go off her clit to than lick up and down her slit. Ahhh, Pacey, Yes...there...yes...faster, fuck me harder.

God, what went into her? His cock hardening again, he moved her over to the soft padded bench for her to kneel on. With her ass in the air like that, her hard nipples on standing up and her breasts bouncing, he shoved his hot length in one fast thrust and she cried out ‘Yes, Pace, oh god yes, take me. Don’t hold back. I need it!’ He thrust in and out, hard and forceful, each stroke making her reach closer to the edge. Come for me baby, he said now holding onto her tits, pulling her nipples, thrusting harder like there was no tomorrow.

She was now shrieking  

Ahhh... Ohhh.... God.... yes.....yes.... Ahhhh...FUCK....I...Uhh...Ohhh...fuck....Pace....yes

He felt her walls tightening around him....she came like a tornado and with her last quiver, he pushed into her one last time, releasing his hot fluid, collapsing onto her back, trying to fetch his breath. 

She was a hot mess...giggling...after 10 minutes or so...

Pace? Yes, Jo? ‘Let’s take a shower now.’ 

With that he pulled her up, squirting the almond and milk shower gel on the sponge, starting on soaping her arms and shoulders, with a smirk on his lips he said huskily.

‘Your wish is my command, my sweet sexy kitten!’ 

And just like that her nipples lifted up again. Her not breaking his gaze responded with a wide sheepish smile

‘Ohh boy!’ To Be Continued

[paceywittergayboatman]

Pacey and Dawson  Gay Subtext at end of Dawson creek season 6

The last two episodes of Dawson's Creek don't make sense if you view without queer subtext. Meaning from a subtextual point of view it isn't what happened in Dawson's creek rather Dawson's tv show. And while that something worth explaining it's not what this meta is about. However, I am not here to talk about that rather the two episodes before that and two scenes of pacey and Dawson that directly address the gay subtext.

In the first scene I am gong to talk about which is in episode 6 21. Pacey has revealed that he lost Dawson’s money and gay chaos occurs.

Pacey: Actually, Jo, um... why don't you hang out for a second, 'cause you're gonna have to hear this sooner or later anyway. 

Dawson: What's goin' on? Are you ok?

 Pacey: Man, and we were just gettin' back to be friends, too. It's such a shame to ruin that. Dawson: What are you talking about? What would ruin it? 

Pacey: Money. Money would ruin it. 

Dawson: W-what happened?

 Pacey: It's gone. Your money's gone, my money's gone, some guy on long island's money is gone—

 Dawson: What--what do you mean gone? That was all the money that I had. 

Pacey: I know it was, Dawson, and I honestly thought Stepatech was gonna take off, I swear to you. 

Dawson: Right. Yeah, o-of course. Otherwise why would you blatantly ignore my request to sell the stock?

 Pacey: Man, I was just tryin' to do the right thing.

 Dawson: Ah, damn it, Pacey, this— [Joey is standing awkwardly in the middle of this looking back from one to the other with tears beginning to well up in her eyes] 

Dawson: [Dawson sighs] You're always tryin' to do the right thing. You're always so eager to be the hero, you never quite see all the pieces of the puzzle.

One of Pacey's character flaws is that he wants to save everyone because he never felt safe at home as a child and Dawson who has known him since he was ten knows this very well. Also, he referring to when Pacey dated Joey and broke his heart.

 Pacey: Dawson... you came to me with your dream because you thought I could help make something of it, and somehow this comes back yet again to the fact that I screwed you over? 

Joey: Ok, you know what, you two? Let's just stick to the topic at hand. Ok, so we can just solve this problem by going inside and trying to get calm... and we'll talk about it.

 Dawson: Joey, talking about this is not gonna solve anything. 

Joey hasn't quite figured out Dawson and Pacey are having a lovers quarrel and just wants them to get along.

Joey: What are you talking about? 

Pacey: He means it's not about money. So fine then, let's just talk about what's really goin' on here. 

Joey: You know what? I see no reason to drudge up baggage from the past just to fill in the moment, Pacey. I mean, let's remember something. This exchange between you and Dawson is purely a business exchange, and I think we need to remember to keep it at that. 

Dawson: She's right. It is business between us, 'cause god knows we haven't been best friends in a long time, have we? 

Pacey: No, we certainly have not. 

Dawson: You wanna know why we're not friends, pace? It's not because of what happened with Joey, even though that turned my world upside down. It's because from that day forward, I realized that you hadn't been my friend for... maybe quite some time, 'cause the second you made us competitors— 

The first, really important thing here is that Pacey dating Joey turned Dawson's world upside down. Dawson is kinda saying here that compulsory heterosexuality made them competitors. But also that they lived their lives trying to reach higher achievements than the other. Although I don't think this is true. I think Pacey thinks of Dawson as the man he's eternally trying to be better than so he doesn't have to admit he's in love with Dawson.

Pacey: That I made us competitors? No. No. Now--now you're rewriting history, Dawson. 

Dawson: I remember when my best friend had a choice and chose to turn his back on me. If you'd ever stopped settin' us up against each other, you woulda realized that you and I are not that far apart.

Pacey really broke his heart he betrayed Dawson in Dawson’s eyes. He just reiterating what I said early about being competitors.

 Pacey: Ah, spare me the speech. You are not gonna convince me that our world's... are anything alike. You're just upset because I broke outta mine. 

Dawson: Broke out of yours? How? By putting on a suit and slavin' away at something that doesn't even interest you? You made money. Congratulations. You impressed us all. 

The putting on a suit line is reference to the way Pacey’s job is referred to a costume as in performance of Heterosexuality specifically under a capitalist environment.

Pacey: How dare you. You know nothing about me, man. I was good at my job. 

Dawson: Then why am I broke?

 Pacey: Because that's life! I didn't make that choice! I have lost, literally, everything! What do you want from me, man? Does this make you happy, that you're back on top now? I mean, you always liked it better when you were in charge, so is this what you wanted? Does this make it all right? 

Dawson can be controling and self centered and Pacey knows that very well. Also you always liked it better when you were in charge has homoerotic undertones.

Dawson: You don't wanna know me, pace. You wrote me off a long time ago. 

Pacey: Really? Really? Back when we were the best of friends? When we were brothers? Was I just outta the house every time you tried to call me over the last 3 years? 

Again Pacey broke Dawson heart by dating joey

Joey: Ok, can you guys just stop it? I can't stand here and listen to you guys do this anymore

. Pacey: I didn't mean to lose your money. I didn't know that that would happen. I'm sorry. 

Dawson: Yeah, so am I. This-- this was just a big mistake from the beginning, I guess.

 Pacey: Heh. Ok.

One more very importamt scene from this episode. Joeys goes to talk to Pacey after the fight.

Joey: You ok, Pace? 

Pacey: You don't have to do this.

 Joey: Do what? 

Pacey: Sit out here with me. I know you'd rather be in the house with Dawson, so why do you just go and help him lick his wounds? 

Joey: Things never change here, do they?

 Pacey: No... because these are the roles we were destined to play. 

The roles he refering to our heterosexuality.

Joey: No, Pace, these are the roles we chose to play. I mean, look at us, sitting out here on this dock in front of the same house we've been haunting for years. We're practically ghosts of our former selves, and honestly, I don't think anyone really remembers what they're mad about anymore. 

Joey saying some very important things in here. One that the theses roles(heterosexuality) are things that they are choosing because then they don’t have to admit there gay. However I don’t quite she understood that Pacey broke Dawson’s heart.

Pacey: Mm, I wouldn't be so sure about that.

Pacey is still thinking like a straight man.

 Joey: Pacey, if I wanted to go back into that house, I would've gone a long time ago. Don't you know me at all by now?

 Pacey: Well, I don't want you sitting here feeling sorry for me. Joey: I don't feel sorry for you. I feel for you, Pacey. 

Pacey: [Sighs] Joey: God, can't you ever tell the difference? 

Pacey: I don't know. [Sighs] I don't know, because you and I have had a very confusing run of things. Especially lately. 

Joey: [Scoffs] Ok. You know, and no matter how much I love you or how long I stay with you, you're only gonna remember the moments when I leave.

 Pacey: Well, you gotta give me that much, because those are pretty much the most painful moments in my life. 

Joey: That's because you ask for them, Pacey. I'm sorry. You do. Your whole life, you spend so much time expecting the worst that you don't even notice the moments when people are loving you, and, Pacey, people spend a lot of time loving you. 

Pacey: Well... with all due respect, Jo, my best friend just walked away from me, but that's not even the worst of it. The worst thing is he hasn't even really known me for the last 3 years, so please, clarify that for me. How does that qualify me as a man with a support network? 

 Thing haven’t been the same since Dawson broke Paceys heart. Joey doesn’t even matter if he cant have Dawson.

Joey: Well, you have a person sitting right here, don't you? But of course, that's not enough. Not until you let it. 

She never be enough because he’s in love with Dawson

Pacey: In what world do I have you? Joey: Look, just because I don't fit into that... place you want me to doesn't mean there's not a place for me, Pacey. 

Pacey: [Sighs]

 Joey: Does it? 

Pacey: Joey, this isn't your fight, anyway. Joey: You're right. You're right. It's not my fight because it's been over for a really long time, Pacey, [Sighs] And it is up to you to make it right. 

She telling him to go fight for Dawson. He needs to repair his relatonship with Dawson.

Pacey: I don't know how to make it right. 

Joey: Well, you're gonna have to figure it out. You know, that's the thing about ghosts. They say that... they don't leave until they're at peace with what they left undone.

So now were on to the last scene of 621 in which Pacey and Dawson talk. Pacey has collected money for Dawson’s movie.

Scene: The ruins. Dawson is there waiting, when Pacey comes walking up and notices Dawson and knows that he has been duped. And goes to walk over to join Dawson.] 

Pacey: Hey. Dawson: Hey. What are you doin' here?

 Pacey: Uh, the same thing you are, I'd suppose.

 Dawson: Actually, I came here to meet— Pacey: Meet with Joey? Yeah, so did I. 

Dawson: I get it. [Sighs] Joey potter: Amateur peace broker. 

Pacey: [Sighs] Dawson: So where is she?

 Pacey: I don't know, but I'd say that she is probably not coming. I think she has this kooky notion that you and I are gonna work this out between ourselves. 

Dawson: Well, that's... not gonna happen. 

Pacey: Yeah, I know. That's what I told her, but we're talkin' about a girl who's never really listened to a single word that either you or I has ever told her, and I did, I said it to her, I said, "look, Jo, things will never be the same between Dawson and I." She doesn't listen to me. You know her, she's stubborn, that girl.

 Dawson: [Sighs] Well, if she's not comin', I'm gonna take off. I've got somewhere to be. 

Pacey: Hold on for one second. [Sighs] Look, you said some pretty crappy things the other day. 

Dawson: Yeah. So did you. 

Pacey: Yes, I did. And I meant them 100%.

 Dawson: I know, so did I, pace, and that's the thing, I don't know how we get past that. 

Pacey: Well, maybe we don't. Maybe that's the point that we just don't get past it, we realize that... we can't go back to the way things used to be, and there's nothing we can do about that 'cause the guys that we are now are worlds apart from the guys that we were back then. The only tie that really binds us together is the fact that we still love the same woman.

So the bottom line of what Pacey saying is that they aren’t the same kids who broke each other hearts. Also the line about the same woman is the compulsory heterosexaltiy talking.

 Dawson: [Sighs] It always comes back to that, doesn't it?

 Pacey: Yes, it does. Yes, it does, and you know what? I don't really regret a single second that I spent with her, and I'm guessing you don't either. In fact, I really consider us pretty lucky... that a--a woman like that would give either one of us the time of day.

They love her she there bestfriend. And there honored to love her and have her in there lives.

 Dawson: You know, it makes sense.

 Pacey: What does? 

Dawson: Why it never worked out for either one of us. All we wanted was her. So much so that we destroyed our friendship... and in the end, all she ever wanted was for us to be friends again. 

Joey is a lesbian and was never interested  in either of them romantically. They  were suffering do to comphet and convinced themselves they wanted her.  They were in love and Pacey broke Dawson’s heart by dating Joey.

Pacey: Ok, I'm gonna ask you this once, and then I promise you I'll never ask it again. Is it possible?

 Dawson: For us to be friends again? [he thinks then smiles] Anything's possible.

Everytime Dawson and Pacey get in a gay fight they do the interaction above. It’s cute but its also flirty and it reads as can we get back to together more than can we be friends. They love each other and even though they fight they never really give up on there love. Anything’s possible is kind of like there cute little make up thing they do when they fight.  The use of anything implys never ending and by extension an eternal love. It’s romantic and also in the actually scene they have eye sex and its very gay. This like them admiting that there in love, they removed Joey from the context of there own relationship and basically said there love is eternal its a great ending to there relationship.

 Pacey: Fair enough. Look, uh, this is for you. [Pacey hands Dawson the envelope with the money.] 

Dawson: What's this? Pacey: Well, I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of going to several local businessmen and asking them if they'd like to invest in a very promising young filmmaker, and, by and large, they were all very receptive, though there was this one dentist, and I don't know how she got this in her head, but she seems to think she's an actress, so you might have to give her a little role, like a cameo at most. Just warnin' ya. 

Dawson: Thank you. Pacey: Don't mention it.

So we end the story of Pacey and Dawson on three important points :Joey is a lesbian, Pacey and Dawson are forever in love and they don’t need have the relationship they had when they were kids they can just be boyfriends.

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#11)

After a lil break to binge the entirety of Outer Banks in a week (and slow the brakes a little before I finish FNL too fast LOL), I am on to 3x13!

-The beginning of the flash forward is so pure. You just know they’re about to ruin all this pure happiness but i still eat it up.

-JD’s dad still creeps me out, man

-omg my heart @ grandma, mama, and Julie gushing over that adorable young Matt Saracen photo

-ugh poor Tyra. Having to serve a family celebrating their kid getting into college while she’s on a wait list is truly rough

-I love Eric for just coming out and saying, “you trying to replace me?” to this wealthy code talking motherfucker

“Now you are threatening my family.” Yes, Eric, get him! Ugh this dude is the WOOOORRRSSSTTTT

“If they want Joe McCoy to take over their team, it’s their funeral.”

“I’m starting to think we’re gonna need a strategy.”

“If you don’t fight for this, I think you’re gonna regret it.”

Ugh yes love a good Tami and Eric Taylor scene at the football field.

-awwwuh Julie breaking down in her new car with Tami! All the feels. “Just kind of feeling left behind.”

“I’m really proud of him and he’s gonna do a really good job.” I love how they’re giving these kids the space to have so many conflicted emotions bc change is hard on all of us, let alone a teenager!

-Ohhhh Matt is about to discover that nursing homes suck I’m assuming right? Aww helping him put his grandma’s stuff away, what a sweet boy!

-ooooh Landry’s doing a classic pulling to the side of the road maneuver to yell some stuff? Giving me Pacey and Joey vibes (even if I don’t necessarily ship Landry and Tyra.)

-I literally cannot believe Billy and Tim got that fucking longhorn. They are wild.

“I just bought a freaking repair shop, Tim! And I can’t even fix my own damn car!” If this doesn’t sum up Billy as a character tho...

-it’s kind of adorable how excited Tim is about Mindy and Billy’s future child! Thinking of how cute he was with baby Grace...

-aww Tyra flagging down Landry’s car to open this letter is kinda cute tho. Omg my HEART her sister and mom being so excited for her 🥺 Tyra’s going to college!!

-LAUGHING at Mindy and Billy’s wedding. They’re so good at making events like this feel genuine and authentic.

-LOL @ Tim and Tyra, these outfits. The south is wild to me

-the entire McCoy/Aikmen coup d’etat just proves that rich people fucking suck

“Go.” yesss I could tell from the look on Tim’s face he was gonna tell Lyla to go to Vanderbilt and I was not wrong

(fuck, riggins is such a good guy!!! I get why this is hard, Lyla, but choose yourself *cries*)

Aw Saracen watching Julie dance at the wedding is v cute, sad boy

I love how Matt was like “no we’re not breaking up.” Tho Julie was being really kind and like wanting to ensure Matt had a good college experience and ya can’t fault her that

“Your grandma would’ve loved this wedding.”

“Yeah, she would’ve...”

-Awww Matt going to get his grandma! I mean, especially after knowing how awful nursing homes have been in the covid crisis this is really for the best probably...

“I don’t even know what we’re doing here. I don’t know Billy Riggins that well.” I love a subtle dig at teen drama writers having to force the entire ensemble together even when it doesn’t make complete sense.

-Ugh yes Tami and Eric are That Couple #goals

Julie watching Matt and his grandma joyfully dancing together with a loving look on her face!! omg that’s pure, that’s love.

-wait...Mindy’s wedding dress she actually picked is the one with the fairy wings we saw earlier in the season?! Truly wild. Kinda love it.

-yes plz, Billy, don’t let Tim use Lyla as a way out of going to college!

-yess Tami and Eric on this rougher East Dillon field kinda gettin me excited. Love the idea of Eric being an underdog in a way???

I did it!! This season was truly spectacular. Onward to the Michael B. Jordan season!

[zalrb]

Hey! Since the topic of TO and chemistry came up, I’d like to know your opinion on Hayley and Elijah. Please and thank you in advance!

It’s funny because I made a Haylijah vid despite not watching the show like how many years ago, Hayley and Elijah don’t have the best chemistry that I’ve seen but within the context of TO, they have that charge I keep talking about, that reciprocal energy I talk about.

Most of the time with any Hayley ship I’m asked about, I’m like, OK do you guys think she has chemistry with him or does she just have big eyes? Because Phoebe actually isn’t an expressive actress

not really

even when it looks like she’s doing her best

but with Daniel, her eyes are expressing something because there’s some kind of chemistry there

Like I can actually sense tension here

I don’t sense tension here or at least not romantic tension, it’s considerably less charged and intense, I can believe that Klaus is looking at her to see if she’s OK but I don’t look at it like, so you two need to kiss

I buy sexual tension here

this is devoid of any tension and Phoebe can’t even get her top off properly and Joseph is just waiting there awkwardly, like there’s no desire or yearning, it reminds me since we’ve been talking about DC when Jen and Pacey keep trying to have sex but they don’t feel anything and they’re like how can we get together to have sex when there’s no tension before that and that is Klaus and Hayley

I remember before someone asked me to look at Jackson and Hayley scenes so I might as well get that out of the way too, they’re fine,

from what I remember about what people told me about their story, they get married more out of an alliance than love but then the more time they spend together, the more they actually fall for each other or the more she falls for him whatever but that still feels forced

but I realize that Phoebe is terrible at looking like she’s actually being comforted or that she’s relieved, that’s something her chemistry with Daniel can’t even fix, which is why I’m saying it’s not the best chemistry I’ve seen because it always looks calculated

like I don’t believe this, it’s cold and awkward

so yeah.

[yourmandevine]

Some stuff that made me happy in 2020, in no particular order

God send you no greater loss. It’s something my grandmother said a lot — a bit of highly Irish Catholic wisdom intended to remind you, warmly but sharply, that whatever you’re currently suffering through isn’t all that bad compared to what lots of other people are dealing with. That it probably isn’t too much to complain about, in the grand scheme of things. That you should, instead, be grateful for what you’ve got, big and small and everything in between.

God sent a great many people a great many unfathomable losses this year, and as hard as it felt at times, our family wasn’t among them; we’re lucky, in the big picture. In the past, people have recommended I try writing those reasons down, to give myself a list of stuff to be thankful for, for the times it’s tough to summon up the gratitude. I figured the end of the year was as good a time as any to make that list, to highlight the stuff that helped me get through this year — the reasons big, small, and in between.

So: here goes.

Peanut butter and jelly

I haven’t counted how many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I’ve eaten since March 11, which is good, because that would be an absurd thing to do, and a sure sign that I have succumbed to a very specific kind of madness. It’s also good, though, because I would undoubtedly be ashamed by the number; the figure would be titanic, like the unsinkable ship of same name, or the iceberg that sunk it.

Or, at least, I would be ashamed under normal circumstances. This fuckin’ year required whatever flotation device you could find, and you know what I found in the fridge and cupboard? A couple of slices of bread, some strawberry jam, and some goddamn Skippy.

Need a weird mid-morning “brunch” after not having breakfast because you went right from waking up to remote school with the 6-year-old? Crank up a PB&J with that third cup of coffee. Need to pack something in the diaper bag to feed everyone while you’re out at the playground for the afternoon? Stack ‘em up, son. Need a late snack after working the overnight shift filing weird bubble playoff columns? Three letters, one ampersand, one love.

I need to eat better in 2021. But I kind of needed to eat sort of like shit to get through 2020, and time and again, when your man needed it most, PB&J was there.

Sunday night Zoom sessions with college friends

I know that most of us started something like this back in March; I’m not sure how many have stuck with it. I hope the answer is “a lot,” because honestly, knowing that I’m going to end the week by seeing a few friends — some here in Brooklyn but mostly beyond our reach for safety’s sake, some who’ve moved away — has felt like a stabilizing agent on more than a few occasions. It’s important, and no small blessing, to have people in your life who really know you, weird messy ugly bits and all, and in front of whom you can let everything go.

That gallery view’s provided a place to vent, to seethe, to laugh, to cry, and to try to find some semblance of center before heading back into another week. I’m grateful for it, and for the people in those little boxes. Except for the time they reminded me that, when I was 18, I was pretty sure I was a Pacey, and they were all extremely confident I was a Dawson. They were right, but still: a bitter pill to swallow, then and now.

Olivia calling herself “Dr. Bloody”

She took out her little toy doctor kit and just turned into a cackling villain.

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A post shared by Dan Devine (@yourmandevine)

Deeply disconcerting, yes, but also adorable.

All Fantasy Everything

What got me in the door was the conceit: three very funny stand-up comedians (Ian Karmel, David Gborie, Sean Jordan), often with a very funny guest but sometimes without, pick some topic or another and engage in a fantasy draft of their favorite aspects or representations of that topic. (It is, crucially, a serpentine draft. Now what is that? That’s a great question.) Some favorite examples: Mikes; Words That You Think Make You Sound Smart, vols. 1 and 2; Things You Yell After You Dunk on Someone; Fictional Athletes; Crimes We’d Like to Commit. Yeah. It’s that kind of podcast.

What kept me around was the friendship. Listen to an episode and it becomes really clear really quickly just how much the three hosts love each other, how much fun they have being around each other and making one another laugh. The warmth radiates, just pours out of the speakers; in a year where I sorely needed some good vibes, I appreciated my regular check-ins with the Good Vibes Gang to just ... unclench for an hour and a half or so. 

Drinking beer

OK, I’ll admit: This doesn’t sound great for me. It’s true, though. I really like beer. (We brewed one in our kitchen, which I realize is something of a “bearded guy in Brooklyn” cliche, but here we are. It was exciting to complete a project, and it tasted OK-ish.) At some points this year, it didn’t feel like there wasn’t much to look forward to, and sometimes drinking some High Lifes or Narragansett tall boys — with my wife in our living room, with friends on the computer, whatever — helped take the edge off a shitty day/week/month/year. I look forward to being able to do that outside with people again.

The Good Place

I am sure some very smart cultural critics and political thinkers and social revolutionaries have forwarded compelling arguments for why this show is Bad, Actually, because that seems to be more or less true about most things, whether because said thing is Actually Bad or because the economics of the attention economy on the internet functionally necessitate the composition and publication of pretty much every position on pretty much every issue, and especially ones that present a counterargument for why you shouldn’t like the thing you like, and might be kind of a piece of shit for liking it. But I liked this half-hour comedy about the way the universe might be put together, why we should try to take better care of each other, and how doing so might be a pretty great way to take better care of ourselves.

Andrew let me write about it a little bit for a big project we did before the series finale aired, which was really nice of him. I found myself thinking about this part a lot this year:

I also thought a lot about Peeps Chili, but that happens every year.

Taking pictures of my dog

Check out this flumpy goddamn champion:

“Lugar is a good boy” is the main takeaway here. They don’t all have to be complicated.

Schitt’s Creek

I know we’re not alone in this, but we inhaled this show this year. A half-hour comedy about people being laid low, learning how to deal with who they actually are, and finding some grace and community and opportunities for growth kind of hit the spot, I guess.

One of the most wholesale enjoyable ensemble comedy casts I can remember; Catherine O’Hara was already in Cooperstown, but what she made with Moira Rose only polishes her plaque. I’ll never be able to describe with any specificity the thing Chris Elliott does, but I know it has made me laugh since I was a child too young to understand the Letterman bits or see Cabin Boy in the theater, and it’s probably going to make me laugh until I am dead.

I love that people who, for years, never got to see themselves or people like them on screen got to see David Rose on screen and maybe recognize themselves a little bit. The idea that seeing the David/Patrick relationship might make them maybe feel a little more at home, a little safer and more whole, makes me happy. Sad, about the before, but happy, about the now and the what comes next.

Past that, I just love how what was ostensibly a family-and-friends production for a Canadian channel just got absolutely everything right—the tone, the look, the sound, the theme song, the cast, the jokes, my goodness, the jokes—and before long, the rest of the world just got it. Like catching a fastball square on the barrel. Something the show clearly knew a little bit about.

Finding new outdoor places it was safe to go

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the need to give the kids a place to be that wasn’t unnecessarily dangerous but also wasn’t inside our two-bedroom apartment led us to do more exploring than we had before. Shirley Chisholm State Park is great. Canarsie Pier was a fun place to spend a Sunday morning; so’s Canarsie Playground. If we got there early enough or made our peace with some rain, the beaches at Jacob Riis Park and Fort Tilden were pretty rad this summer. I lived in Staten Island from ages 8 through 18, and during breaks throughout college, and don’t think I ever hiked in High Rock Park — that’s dumb, because it was nice!

Even if all those little excursions did was kill a little time and reduce the overall stress level of the four humans stuck in our four walls, that’s not nothing. Some days this year, it was everything.

Cobra Kai

I know I’m late here; I didn’t rush to seek it out because I don’t consider myself a huge fan of The Karate Kid, or at least not a big enough fan to sign up for YouTube’s premium service. I checked it out when it came to Netflix, though, and I honestly can’t believe how much I enjoyed this show. Give me “dumb, but with heart” every day of the week.

I believe in Miguel Diaz; I believe in Johnny Lawrence; I believe I will be firing up Season 3 next month, and perhaps drinking some Coors Banquets in its honor. (I cannot, however, believe how the “get him a body bag” thing came back around, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Closing unread tabs

I’m a serial hoarder of links, and I am bad at finishing all of them. I’ve tried to get into Pocket and Instapaper, but I’ve never been able to turn that sort of workflow — open link, save to third-party service, go back to third-party service later to read, then delete from there — into something that felt instinctual, natural, or habitual. So: lots of tabs. Like, lots of tabs.

This was a dicier proposition than usual in 2020, because cutting my work week in half to be able to more effectively coparent two kids who didn’t have school or day care for most of the year meant less time to read things.

I tried to do my best to keep up with the important stuff for work, and to read at least some stuff about how other parents were dealing with their anxiety/anger/depression/frustration at having to be on 24/7 and work, and to stay abreast of (at least some of) what was happening in the world. Sometimes, though, I would wake up and realize I’d been holding onto blog posts about Really Interesting Rotation Decisions on the 11th-Seeded Team in the East or whatever for literally nine months, and I would go against my nature and just hit the eject button on a 25-deep window, and something amazing would happen: I wouldn’t get fired for being shitty at my job. I would move on with my day, and I would feel about 10 pounds lighter.

I still keep too much stuff open. (As we speak, I’ve got three different Chrome windows open on two different laptops. I choose not to count the total tabs.) But I do so knowing that, if it gets too heavy, I can experience the momentary joy of surrendering to the inevitability that I can’t catch everything. In that moment, I feel OK with my decay.

Reading writers I wasn’t familiar with before

Two in particular stand out in my mind: Nekias Duncan, now of BasketballNews.com, who does excellent film breakdowns and statistical analysis, and Katie Heindl, who writes basketball stuff of all types all over the place, and strings sentences together in a way that scratches an itch inside my brain. I’m grateful I got more chances to read them this year, I look forward to bigger and better things for both of them, and I’m hopeful that, if things calm down and our schedules go back to something approximating normalcy, I’ll have more bandwidth to hunt out more new voices in the year ahead.

The time I ambushed my wife as she was trying to break down and put away the girls’ space tent

Pretty good.

Siobhan learning to ride a bicycle (with training wheels, but still)

The moment passed pretty quickly; Not Exactly A Mechanic over here can’t get the training wheels to reliably work right without either loosening them too much or tightening them so much that she can’t pedal it. In that first moment, though, and for as long as it lasted, it was really great to see her get excited about doing something new, big kid shit, for the first time.

She was proud. I was proud of her. And then we went to a playground for a few hours. Pretty good day.

Tyler Tynes roasting me

Tyler did some incredible work this year — The Cam Chronicles is getting deserved praise as one of 2020′s best podcasts, and his reporting on the Movement for Black Lives was exemplary. It’s hard to top this, though:

You know what the messed up part is? I was excited to tell him what I was doing, just because I knew the reaction would be so violent. Like a body rejecting a transplant. So lucky to have such a dear, dear friend.

PUP

I’m late on everything, so I didn’t start listening to PUP until the spring of 2019, but I haven’t really stopped since. This year has been too sedentary too often; this band is too kinetic to allow me to stay there.

“Bloody Mary Kate and Ashley Kate” is never more than about 20 minutes away from returning to the front of my mind. I would fucking love for it to be safe enough to watch these guys live at some point, and I am absolutely going to take Steve up on his offer.

Someone sending me a shirt based on a joke I tweeted

First:

Then:

Then:

I’m not sure you should be rewarding my behavior, SnoCoPrintShop, but I appreciate it all the same.

Which reminds me:

Family dinner/family movie night

My wife works in Manhattan and commutes back on the train, and we've tried to prioritize getting the girls to bed early since they were little, so that doesn’t leave much of a window between when she gets home and they go in the tub for us all to connect; before everything shut down, we almost never really ate together. We’re still not great about it, but for a while now we’ve carved out Saturday as family dinner night, where we sit down to eat and talk about our “up” from the day — something that happened that made us feel good or happy, or something we’re looking forward to. (We used to talk about our “down,” too, but that kind of seemed like overkill. Why try to focus on more bad shit right now, you know?)

Then we settle in for a movie, with who gets to pick rotating each week. It’s mostly been Pixar, which has been great but also has its drawbacks; after she caught me crying during one of them (maybe the Bing-Bong scene in Inside Out? or Miguel singing to Grandma Coco?), Siobhan straight up told me, “You need to get yourself together, man.” We just watched My Neighbor Totoro, too, which they loved, so we’re probably going to try some more Miyazaki soon. It’s a really simple thing, but it’s one we rarely made time for before, and it’s been really nice to manufacture something positive that we can share and look forward to together.

Sometimes looking like a shiftless drifter

No shade to anyone who felt strongly about getting a lineup or whatever, but I haven’t really felt like going to the barbershop was worth the risk, and I continue to refuse to believe that my wife can actually pull off the fade she’s long wanted to give me. (It is also possible that she just means she’s intending to run my fade, and that I will before long wind up cold-cocked and slumped by my bride of nine years.) So I’ve just kind of been growing out my hair like it was when I was single, and sometimes been letting my beard get kind of out of control too, and, well, I sort of like looking a little bit like a Wildling, it turns out.

I have since trimmed things up a little. It didn’t go over well with my youngest. Oh, well. I’ll try to do better next time.

My wife and daughter singing the Pixies

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We don’t know all the words to too many lullabies, so we sing the ones we do know the words to. This will probably come back to bite us in the years ahead. For now, though: Pretty good.

Doughboys’ Tournament of Chompions: Munch Madness: Mac Attack

I can’t believe how invested I became in Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell’s quest to determine the best menu item at McDonald’s in a 64-seed tournament that spawned hours and hours of delightfully funny audio featuring all-time home-run guests like Jon Gabrus and Nicole Byer, who gleefully feed into the often warm, sometimes antagonistic, always entertaining chemistry between the two hosts. I have also never found myself wanting to go to McDonald’s more in my entire life. I have hit the drive-thru a couple of times since, and the boys are right: The McDonald’s fountain Coke does just hit different.

Sound Only

I’ve lost track of whether or not a 38-year-old is considered a millennial, but I’m quite confident that I’m not exactly plugged into “the millennial lifestyle” as my teammates Justin Charity and Micah Peters discuss it on their podcast, which relaunched this summer. Doesn’t matter, though, because I love hearing Charity and Micah talk to each other even if I don’t know what they’re talking about.

Their conversation about Dave Chappelle was great. After listening to their Travis Scott episode, I felt like I kind of understood who he is and why he occupies the space he does in pop culture now. I had no idea how they were going to get me to give a shit about set photos from The Batman, but this they not only got me there, but wended their way toward blaming 50 Cent for needing to know who Groot is to have a conversation on the internet, which is something for which Abraham Lincoln did not die. The show is good, it's getting better, it’s fun to hear them talk their shit, and Charity’s regular bellowing of “I, TOO, AM AMERICA” has made me smile for four straight months. 

Siobhan’s letters and notes

She’s in first grade now, and she’s taken to communicating her feelings through the written word. A lot.

I won’t pretend that I loved all of these in the moment. I can only get so upset, though, when she’s already writing with such a clear voice. (And trying to use proper punctuation. (And drawing little cartoons to drive the point home.)

Palm Springs

I’m having a hard time remembering too many specifics about it right now, which probably means it’d be a good thing to rewatch over the holidays. But, as I’m sure many people noted many months before we got around to watching it, a comedy about living the same day over and over again, and about trying to figure out how to make your life mean something when everything seems meaningless, scratched a pretty particular, and particularly important, itch this year. It could’ve been twice as long, and I would’ve eaten up every second of Andy Samberg and Cristin Miloti together.

I’m pretty sure I cried, although this year, that doesn’t necessarily mean much.  Also, put Conner O’Malley in more things.

Joining our union’s bargaining committee

I won’t say too much about this, but I will say that becoming an active participant in the process of a labor union negotiating its first contract with management has been an extremely educational experience. It’s pushed me to have conversations, sometimes difficult ones, about our priorities as a staff and a company. It's helped me get closer with the other past and present members of the BC, and has led me to start developing relationships with members of our staff that I otherwise might not have had much of an opportunity to get to know.

The organizing work takes time, effort, and energy, but trying to do what I can to help take better care of my colleagues has been well worth all of that. Here’s hoping that in 2021 we can reach a deal that helps make our workplace even better, stronger, and more equitable for all of us.

Publishing a story about Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup

I swear this is true: After I accepted my offer to work at The Ringer, but before I started, I told a friend that one thing I was excited about was that you had the chance to work on offbeat stuff here, in both the “kind of weird” and “not about the NBA” senses. That, I thought, might maybe open the door to me getting to write a story about a Saturday Night Live sketch I saw when I was a teenager about Stevie Nicks from Fleetwod Mac running a cheap Tex-Mex restaurant in Sedona, Arizona — a sketch that I wasn’t sure anyone else remembered, but that was stuck in my head forever.

That story ran on May 26.

A lot of people seemed to like it.

Accomplishing this goal was, as dumb as this might sound, a highlight of my year, and, honestly, a highlight of my career. I’d like to do some more stuff like this next year, time permitting; we’ll see. Whether or not I do, I got to do this. I’ll always have that.

[salvatoreschool]

Best of the Decade: The Vampire Diaries delivered a perfect love triangle in its third season

To celebrate the end of the 2010s, Entertainment Weekly’s Must List is looking back at the best pop culture of the decade that changed movies, TV, music, and more (catch up on our list so far, which includes the MCU’s big Snap, Lin-Manuel Miranda’s history-making hit Hamilton, and Beyonce’s iconic Coachella set). Today, we look back on The Vampire Diaries and its perfect love triangle.

There’s a reason we’ve seen so many love triangles on television. The classic storytelling device is a surefire way to drum up drama in any situation. It taps into a fandom’s desire to root for something, to feel competitive about something. If shipping was born out of fans wanting a particular love story, why not give them two and make them choose? Well, because it can get complicated. For as often as we see love triangles on television series, they don’t always work.

Love triangles are a high-wire act. The two relationships needs to feel different enough, though both must feel valid. You have to give each couple their moments without making the central person’s preference obvious. And most of all, it has to feel right when that central person finally chooses someone. Audiences should be able to look back at the story and understand that decision. (They might not like it, but it should make sense.)

So yeah, love triangles are fun. Will Joey choose Dawson or Pacey? Will Rory choose Jess or Dean? It’s a way to keep the audience on the edge of their seats. But when handled correctly, it should be about more than suspense. It should be about great storytelling. And when The Vampire Diaries premiered its third season in 2011, it delivered on all the promises of a love triangle.

After two years of establishing the love story of Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev), the teenager as familiar with loss as she was with homework, and Stefan Salvatore (Paul Wesley), the undead man who brought her back to life, it was time for Stefan to step out of the picture for a bit. (He left town with Klaus as part of a deal to save his brother’s life.) Enter Damon (Ian Somerhalder), Stefan’s older brother. The show had already established Damon’s undeniable connection with his brother’s girl, and through the experience of trying to track down Stefan, Elena and Damon grew closer. But again, high-wire act. Elena, the selfless human who put those she loved before herself, couldn’t suddenly fall head over heels for the selfish, impulsive vampire who once snapped her brother’s neck. But what she could do was slowly start to see other sides to Damon, all the while trying to get Stefan back.

The groundwork was laid as early as episode 2, when Damon told Elena, “When I drag my brother from the edge and deliver him back to you, I want you to remember the things you felt while he was gone.” The key words being “while he was gone.” Stefan’s absence was crucial to building the love triangle: If she felt things for Damon while Stefan was gone, what would it mean when he returned? By pairing the story of Damon’s redemption with that of Stefan’s downfall as Klaus (Joseph Morgan) forced him to drink human blood and turn off his humanity, Elena’s relationship with the brothers was flipped on its head. She found herself once again paired with the “good Salvatore brother” — only this time, it was Damon.

And once that bond with Damon was set, Stefan started to make his way back into the picture.

If we’re talking about the balance needed in a love triangle, TVD’s third season could walk a tightrope. Just as Damon started to win Elena over, Stefan proved that she shouldn’t give up on him. Damon made Elena jealous by flirting with another girl in one scene, Stefan caught her when she fell in the next. We’re not talking about epic, sweeping romantic moments. We’re talking about a look here, a touch of the knee there. Because the show was calculated and incredibly subtle in both building the relationship of Damon and Elena and rebuilding the relationship of Stefan and Elena. You have to be when your season contains 22 episodes. Damon and Elena didn’t share a kiss until episode 11 of the season. Stefan and Elena, the love story upon which the show had been built in its first two years, did not kiss until the season finale. Let’s say that one more time: The show managed to get through 21 episodes without its core couple so much as kissing, and yet Stefan and Elena’s love never felt like it was gone. It coursed through the show with the same electricity it always had, as the thing that propelled each of them forward.

It should be stated that the show was able to survive on an entire season of almost-moments in large part due to the chemistry between the actors. Not every show could get away with a look between two people holding as much weight as Stefan and Elena in a closet in Chicago or Damon and Elena in his bathroom after the bonfire. But thanks to that chemistry, the show didn’t need multiple make-outs and big speeches to make the love triangle feel real.

And by never having Elena waver in her love for Stefan, despite her feelings for Damon, she remained likable as the heroine of the story. At no point did she forget Stefan in favor of her new relationship with Damon. She struggled with both, all season long. As she told Stefan in episode 18, “I never stopped loving you.” And with that love as the foundation of the triangle, she remained relatable in her emotional struggles, which allowed viewers to become invested in both possible outcomes and guaranteed that no matter which brother she chose, fans would follow that love story.

Somehow, The Vampire Diaries managed to build a new love story without destroying the one that launched its series. And furthermore, it found a way to make Damon feel like a viable candidate, despite Elena’s unfaltering love of Stefan, which meant viewers went into the season 3 finale genuinely not knowing which brother Elena would choose. After all, her options were very different. As Rose (Lauren Cohan) told Jeremy (Steven R. McQueen) in episode 19, “[Stefan’s] love is pure; he’ll always be good for her. Damon is either the best thing for her or the worst.” So the question became: Is Damon currently the best thing for her? Or the worst?

It all built to the second half of the season finale, when Elena had to make a decision because she believed both brothers were hours away from dying. She had to choose which one got the goodbye. And ultimately, she chose Stefan. Because, as she told Damon, “No matter what I feel for you, I never unfell for him,” a line that acknowledged her feelings for both brothers and allowed viewers to understand her decision. (And just to make sure the Delena shippers didn’t lose hope, the writers threw in a flashback that revealed that Damon and Elena actually met first.)

In its third season, TVD told a beautifully balanced, perfectly paced story about a human girl torn between two very different vampire brothers. And in the end, she made her choice. As she’d later claim, it was the best choice she ever made, and for viewers, it was one of the best love triangles TV had ever seen.