#there are a million ship and name tags i'm not gonna put them all in..

[nozunhinged]

7 BL Newbie Moments of 2023 That Altered My Brain Chemistry

So I went through all my posts since the beginning of this journey and as much as I love dumping my insanity here without context or any punctuation, I feel that a lot of my fav moments deserve a bit more love and structure.

But first I need to put a bit of context so you won't be like "who the hell do they think they are" (aside from delusional I'm nothing, I promise) and my anxious overexplainer-heart is silenced.

My first BL TV show was Only Friends and only 5 months later I'm already throat deep into it (sorry). My watchlist is so endless that I sometimes (no, regularly) genuinely fear for my sanity. I'm still learning all the names and production houses but does that stop me from starting 10 other shows? NOPE.

I'm not new to queer fan spaces (avid manga reader since the yaoi days, my first ship was taito from digimon) but I am most definitely new to the brainrot levels these shows gave me.

And believe it or not, even though my shipper heart is over a decade old, I'm new to Tumblr and the fuel this platform added to the fire could burn down entire continents.

ANYWAYS if you're still here — please enjoy Noz's 100% self-indulgent moments!

1. The End And The Beginning - Only Friends

All I did was mindlessly scroll through the tumblr trends, no idea about how this website works, still sour and sad about the loss of my twitter bubble thanks to the elopocalypse—little did I know that fate would lead me to the wonderful world of BL shows! It was like this moment in isekai-esque movies where you get sucked into a world and you go WOOAAH once you arrive.

There was this show—on YouTube—100% unapolagetic about sex, relationships and queerness. Five minutes into the first episode, someone asks if they can bring their boyfriend to a hookup. This was ALL of my wildest dreams come true! Oh boy, was I naive.

I feel like Only Friends had me speedrun the whole BL industry. Branded pairs, production houses, fanservice, obsessive fans & haters, audience reactions influencing the storyline, EVERYTHING happened during Only Friends and I was just like "what the hell is going on here?" It was like the perfect case study for literally everything. Honestly I still don't really understand what's going on.

Unfortunately, this also led to the awful ending I erased from my brain and don't want to get into, I'm just gonna say Boston I will never forgive the writers for what they did to you. I dropped that show like a hot potato, filtered all possible tags and moved on — or so I thought.

I feel like I'm trying to recreate that first excitement when I discovered OF. But 20 shows later, I'm still not there. Does this make me sound like an addict? Yes, and this is why Only Friends EP 1 is my No. 1 moment that altered my brain chemistry.

2. The Boeing Incident - Only Friends

I talked about it just yesterday and I need to do it again because Boeing was the beginning of a thing that thought I'd never be capable of: lusting after real person TV characters. I talked about it in length here and here so the only thing I'm gonna add just for good measure is that I'd do anything, anything for a BostonBeoingNOZ threesome. Holy shit I'm cringing just writing this down but I need to get my point across.

3. Still Looking For That Kiss - Love in The Air

I know this is a general experience at this point but the chemistry between the couples in Love In The Air opened a whole knew world for me. I thought I knew chemistry but when I saw them, I realized I knew NOTHING.

It may sound weird but I'm still looking for that perfect kiss that's hitting all the right neurons in my brain. I have a hunch that one of these two pairs will deliver them one day, but until then I NEED to watch a million kisses for research.

This post by @talistheintrovert explains perfectly what I think about kissing in shows. Ji Chang Wook is still the blueprint for me.

But do I have a favorite BL kiss so far? Yes, yes I do. It's this ShinPeach beauty.

4. Main Lead Syndrome - Kiseki: Dear To Me

I am a second lead, side couple enby before I am human but I will defend these two until the end of time. My TL is flooded with Chen Yi, Ai Di, Nat and Louis while these two are over here falling in love over strawberry cake, cat analogies, failed cooking and all sorts of memory loss. Zongyi opened a fucking bakery for his babygirl and Zerui pretended to be a pretty dumdum to protect the love of his life.

I don't care how much you all love the two dumb (affectionately) gangsters, these two deserve the world, end of story. Also Kai Hsu and Taro Lin are bff's irl now, Taro said that Kai helped him get out of a very bad mental tate and I take that very personally.

5. The Fanservice is Fanservicing - Kiseki: Dear To Me

Speaking of Taro and Kai, the fact that I even know that they're bff's is another brainaltering moment that needs recognition because months later it led me to this TikTok of two actors I don't know of a show I don't watch, staring at them for ages and really considering watching it just because of it.

That is the power of fanservice my friends and I can put on my clownmask now because I avidly screamed left and right that fanservice should be forbidden when I learned about it. I blame Kiseki for that. But my point still stands, I hate actors doing stuff they're uncomfortable with. I just hope they're all friends and have fun and get that coin.

6. The One Just For Me - Playboyy

I've been lurking around Playboyy from the moment I found out they have the same writer as OF. And boy did it deliver so far! I already wrote a bunch here about which role Playboyy plays for me, but it's also a wonderful case study for my producer heart — watching the acting, directing, lighting, sets, props and storyline interact is fascinating.

People say the less you notice the better the show, which is correct, but I love all the flaws of this piece of media. IMHO it's the last puzzlepiece of the amazing, important social commentary the show delivers. All of the topics the couples represent need to get their very own show.

7. The Holy Grail - The Sign

Speaking of the less you notice — this is the sign for The Sign (again, sorry). There's a reason this show is loved and praised so widely because the production is on a whole other level. Adding the beautiful story on top of that, we have the potential for a holy grail here and I'm so in for the ride.

I keep saying I've entered the world of BL in it's absolute golden era. Never in a million years did I think I'd watch 5 shows simultaneosly but I love every single one of them so much I keep a whole spreadsheet on how I can be on time for every premiere every week alongside my work schedule.

Honorable mentions

KinnPorsche: VegasPete were my first dark, angsty, morally questionable couple ever (I'm a sissy okay)

Last Twilight: When I watched Extraordinary Attorney Woo, I cried several times about the wonderful media representation of disability. It means so much to me and Last Twilight is on par with that.

Bake Me Please: Thank you for giving me this beautiful kiss

Manner of Death: Thank you MaxTul for making gay makeouts fashionable

Bad Buddy: The one time I was glad I persisted so I could watch them most adorable phone scene on the planet

I Feel You Linger In The Air: It was too painful for me to finish but I loved the show with my whole heart and it deserves all the awards it got.

Kimi ni Todokanai: Japanese shows just hit different. I'll never get over the kissing Taiyaki.

The Novelist Series: THIS is how you kiss the one you're horny for my friends. Take notes directors.

Semantic Error: My fav webtoon -> Got Viki for the Series -> Found the BL corner of Viki -> Drew my attention to Tumblr -> This post.

Thank you for being the butterfly of my butterfly effect.

And thank YOU if you read until here! To a even more wonderful queer year 2024! I'm so ready for this ride.

[archaiclumina]

Spell your url ✧˖°.

Spell out your URL using song titles that can describe your muse/OC, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL!

I did this last year here, but there are always new tunes goin on to the playlist and I am a sucker for a music meme and will do them a million times, as @tacitruin well knows c': ty for the tag my esoteric waif wife ༝༚༝༚ ✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚

Gonna be a good girl and make this version heavier on the themes and lighter on the memes c': and have kept things mostly to Ren, but some tracks are just tracks I vibe with for both of them, so I've include lyrics and a little explainer about why after each and put a cut after H c:

A: A Model of the Universe - Jóhann Jóhannsson Spotify | YouTube This one's an instrumental which has big Ren vibes for me. I listen to it often when I am writing memory salad drabbles. Just sounds like the right kind of tune for remembering other people's lives, I dunno c':

R: Rule #27; Drunk on Pride - Fish in a Birdcage Spotify | YouTube "Long after they lost their names..." As some folks may know I headcanon Oli and Ren were Nymian sailors in a past life. So there's a lot of thematic lyrics crammed into this song for drabbling that bad end of theirs. Also this band slaps. I have loads of their songs on the playlist c':

C: Control - Halsey Spotify | YouTube "And I tried to hold these secrets inside me, my mind's like a deadly disease..." Just a lot of big ol' bad echo Ren Vibes in this one. She literally knows things she shouldn't and it's 99.79% likely to get her in trouble, you know what I'm saying?

H: Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms Spotify | YouTube "Well tell me do you think it'd be alright, if I could just crash here tonight?" A CalRen ship song if there ever was one. I think it's self-explanatory enough c':

A: A Wolf at the Door - Radiohead Spotify | YouTube "Don't look in the mirror at the face you don't recognize..." "Kicks you in the teeth. Steel toe caps. Takes all your credit cards..."A double-banger here. I often listen to this song when I just want to head movie little scenes of the two of them doing things they probably shouldn't have been doing. (They did a lot of that circa 1574 in Othard according to my drabbles c': )

I: I Do Not Want This - Nine Inch Nails Spotify | YouTube "I have lived so many lives all in my head..." "Bamboo puncturing the skin and nothing comes bleeding out of me..." Another track that I listen to for both blorbettes. It's very vibes for two bitches who've had so many bad ends c':

C: Comics - Caravan Palace Spotify | YouTube "Oh, my pops used to say I'm a trophy..." This song is about someone who could maybe have been a good girl but she got involved in bad things, so it's perfect for Ren really. (Also the refrain has the word murder in it c': ) Side Note: The lyrics of this song available on Spotify and Google are pretty disputed by a lot of Caravan Palace fans, myself included. For example, google and Spotify will tell you this line is 'oh my pops used to say I'm a chumpy' not only is this incorrect, it makes no sense. A lot of fans theorize the album is about a hooker and trophy makes more sense in that case and so that's the version I go with. L: Like You Want To - Kita Alexander Spotify | YouTube "Oh what you wanna be? Why won't you come with me take a piece of this for free?" Another CalRen ship song. Those two are idiots. No, I won't elaborate.

U: Up Around the Bend - Creedence Clear Water Revival Spotify | YouTube "Leave the sinking ship behind..." "You can ponder perpetual motion, fix your mind on a crystal day..." For both blorbettes again, I use this when I want to make a head movie montage of the sort of shenanigans they've gotten up to. It's actually one of the husbo's picks, but I still put it to good use c':

M: Mama's Gun - Glass Animals Spotify | YouTube "Little voices, buzzing poison, backward noise drown everything..." "In the summer silence, I was getting violent..."This song actually features as the soundtrack for one of the aforementioned things they probably shouldn't have been doing in Othard circa 1547. To keep a long story short, someone ended up losing a lot of blood, but they deserved it.

I: I Am Not A Woman, I'm A God - Halsey Spotify | YouTube "Take 'em with me to the grave in a suitcase..." "Maybe I could be a better human with a new name..." This is probs one of my top Oli/Ren theme songs, along with Begin Again by Purity Ring. Like, yeah, I'm a slut for Halsey, but also this just touches on a lot of themes which work for the blorbaes. Keeping secrets, playing god etc.

N: Not Your Kind of People - Garbage Spotify | YouTube "Don't want to be like you, ever in our lives..." Another one of the husbo's picks for the playlist that I end up putting to good use when I want to write scenes between Ren and her "Maternal Progenitor".

A: Arrival in Nara - Alt J Spotify | YouTube "Though I cannot see I can hear, her, smile as she sings..." Ren's memory drabbles are non-visual. She doesn't see anything from other people's memories, but she can hear, smell, taste and feel things from other people's memories. Also, could I ever make a playlist and not put Alt-J on it? No. No I could never.

₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡ Gonna tag these beauties in for some music fun! ｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡ Obvs I am starting with @gatheredfates (Sea, I know you have more tunes for me, don't hold out on me!) and also @eorzeanflowers, @zeloinator, @violet-stormbringer, @ofscorchedearth, @luck-and-larceny, @aethericfist and @starforger As always no pressure if you don't want to do it/have already done it. ｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡ And also if you're not tagged and want to do it, do it and tag me because I love sharing tunes c': ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡

[antelopunny]

no one tagged me i simply enjoy talking about myself in the absence of actually writing

5 Songs

(opens spotify wrapped)

Slow Bloom - The Home Team

Dancing Demons - Space Weather

Gunners in the Rain - Mili

萬千花蕊慈母悲哀 - 珂拉琪

The Mad Stone - Everything Everything

Questions

1. Three ships you like:

about to self-report on my taste so hard rn

Idira Tlass / Jae Heydari (Warhammer 40k: Rogue Trader) - OKAY LOOK. I know people are here because I write that Yrliet fic but listen up. At first I thought of them as perfect besties, which is ALSO a great flavour, but then I began rotating Idira in my mind on full blast like a 900W microwave and I went CRAZY. Like, just, okay, let me try to summarize my thoughts... so Idira, she's brash, she's loud-mouthed, she's talented as FUCK and despite being an unsanctioned psyker has beaten all the millions of odds stacked against her, but pretty soon after meeting her, you can brush past her tough facade and realise she's just aching for someone she can Be Real with. You go deeper and you realise she was raised to be a weapon for warlords to use but then one day a knight in shining armour named Theodora von Valancius busted her out, swept her off her feet and spirited her away into the stars. She wants that back, in the end: someone she can lean on, hug her when shit is rough, stay with her until the inevitability of her gruelling end at the hands of the warp. AND THEN ENTER JAE HEYDARI, a supposed 'princess' of a faraway kingdom who seemingly wants a handsome (and very rich) prince to save her, but pretty quickly you can see past the act and know that Jae is a total freebird who knows that the only person she can count on is herself. But even so, she's fiercely loyal and would happily march into a cold death if that meant saving those she cared for (as many unfortunately found out because of Jae's Act 4 quest bugging). So it's Idira, the 'witch-diviner of fates' with seemingly unbreakable will, a valiant 'dark knight'-type figure holding back horrors unseen all while quietly yearning to be saved, + Jae, the 'runaway princess of Efreet' with unyielding charm and luxurious airs, a beautiful 'blooming rose waiting to be plucked'-type of girl that under the surface is chasing after her destiny all on her own two feet, because who the hell needs a Prince Charming when your name is Jae fucking Heydari? LISTEN. LISTEN OKAY THE ROLE REVERSAL. THE UNEXPECTED INTERTWINING OF THEIR FATES IN OPPOSITE SIDES OF A DANCE. GUYS DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYI

Trahearne / Pact Commander (Guild Wars 2) - Most people haven't played GW2 at all. But a lot of people have played FFXIV. So imagine a Haurchefant-type figure that, if you choose to start as a Sylvari, has been with you having your back the whole tile, sets up the whole We Gonna Save The World organization and trusts in you to be one of his top commanders, takes the lead but in truth is always looking upon you to be his sunlight and shining spear, you are the only one that sees through the brave face he has put up this whole time for the sake of fighting the good fight, you are the one he trusts with who he is, and then the first expansion of the game comes out and he FUCKIGNGEWOI HOGESWHIIO EGIJJiaewhioewh JHAHAhsahifEGHIWHW EIEWGi NOOoOoOO anyway you should play critically acclaimed MMO Guild Wars 2 it's got a free trial all the way up to the first expansion Heart of Thorns, is a 'buy once play forever' type of MMO so you don't have to pay a sub, and is constantly updating with new story PLEASE PLAY IT WITH ME PLEASE

Zheng Chenggong / Zhou Yu (Fate/Samurai Remnant) - Yes, that Ming loyalist guy who exorcised the Dutch from Taiwan + that Romance of the Three Kingdoms twink who dabbed on Cao Cao. I have no excuse for this one. They got that twin souls separated over 1300 years shit with a heavy heaping of 'time is a flat circle and nothing we ever do will matter in the end' on top of it. Zheng Chenggong is also, uh... it gets worse the more I talk about it so I'll just stop here. If you know you know.

2. First ship ever: ...probably N Harmonia / the Pokemon B/W player character. What was it? FerrisWheelShipping??????? I was like 12 years old okay you gotta leave me alone

3. Last song you heard: Persephone in the Garden - Aidoneus. I've had it on loop while writing. It, uh... it's a mood.

4. Favorite Childhood Book: My dad made me read The Little Prince when I was a kid and I regarded it with the blind childlike wonder an idiot 7 year old would, without understanding all the underlying whispers of tragedy. I reread it along with footnotes detailing the author's shit life and the backdrop of the Vichy Regime and I was like. What the fuck father why did you give this to me

5. Currently Reading: The Sea of Fertility tetralogy. Again. Yukio Mishima's ghost constantly possesses me and forces me to reread his 800 page long suicide note

6. Currently Watching: DUNGEON MESHI! OooOooH DUNGEON MESHI (narrator voice)

7. Currently Craving: Sleep. Good fucking night

simply do this if you wish, tag games are simply a tumblr dot com psy-op to make you anxious about bothering people

[emma-cowboylikeme]

haikyuu fanfic recs

it's Time. most of these were read in 2022. i'm not even gonna put ship names just TRUST ME, they're good (i'll put them in the tags). all on ao3. here goes, in order of when i read them (roughly) bc i do not rank fics:

PART 1 - multi-chapter fics

Fake It Till You Make It by sifuhotman

a million times along the way by starsqwub (WIP)

Kiss Me (Like You Wanna Be Loved) by kazzydolyn (rated E)

The Story of Us by thesweetestnerd

The Loss We Learned by DeathBelle

surfacing by meeks00 (rated E)

underneath the stars (we found each other) by turtleduckno

Three Sheets to the Wind by fairycake

Colossal by thesweetestnerd

Insert Coin to Play by fairycake (rated E)

frankenstein's monster by starbeyy

Stuck in the Sunshine by thesweetestnerd (rated E)

The Loyalty of a Traitor by DeathBelle (rated E)

Breakers by ftld

greek tragedy by ineedmygirl

the way to a man's heart is through his gluten-intolerant stomach by vaporstretch

make up your mind by sketchedsmiles

Red Dahlia by fairycake (WIP)

[mollymarymarie]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for tagging me @squintclover you treasure ❤️😘 i'm gonna make this a keep reading, because i get wordy

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

In total, I have 39 works on Ao3

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

so i didn't know this but apparently i have over a million words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I don't write for HP anymore, but that's the majority of my fics. I have a few for the marvel universe and two weird real people fics (which now give me the ick so i won't be writing those anymore either)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Dear Your Holiness (lots of people share my priest kink apparently)

The Road Not Taken (for the angst, i'm sure)

The Lad That Loved You (it's my oldest wolfstar fic)

Bird Set Free (figure skating, Yuri On Ice, what's not to love)

When It Counted (this one sort of surprises me, but it's amortentia-based, so I think that aspect is the draw)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! not as often as i'd like but i do read them all right away, i have notifications for ao3 comments turned on. in that way, i get to enjoy them twice!

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have a short oneshot called Midnight about Halloween 1981 and I have another one called Where The Willow Don't Bend about Remus being a ghost at Hogwarts. I think those both end pretty angsty

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

In general, all my fics have happy endings. i go to fiction to escape the fact that almost nothing in life has a happy ending so i don't really like ending stories with anything except happiness. I really like the ending of We Can Pretend - they're in love, they get to be together, they're in Paris, their friends are all there with them, they're singing Nat King Cole to each other on a balcony while coq au vin is on the stove. fantasy scenario tbh.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

sure do. i won't list it. one thing that happens (which isn't exactly hate, but it makes me laugh) is when people criticize the fact that wolfstar are mentioned as having greys in The Road Not Taken because they're only 28/29 so they can't possibly have grey hair lol (i definitely had greys by that age, 100%)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yeah most of my fic is smut, but i'm sort of getting away from that. the TENSION is the best part, in my opinion.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

nah, not really interested, i guess.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so. my fics have been put up on other sites without my permission but my name was still attached to it, at least.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

a few! usually DYH. it's always nice to have someone ask for permission to translate.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, mostly because i'm a control freak lol

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

it used to be wolfstar (kinda soured on me for multiple reasons, the biggest one being JKR is a piece of shit and getting associated with her works is not fun)

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

back when i was watching Preacher, i was (still am) obsessed with Joe Gilgun, so i definitely have a Proinsias Cassidy fic in the WIPs somewhere that will never get finished, but i do go back to it from time to time because, i mean, irish vampire. give it to me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

do i have any???? people tell me i do tension well. maybe that?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

first of all, NOT PLANNING AHEAD, figuring it out as i go and then having to go back and change a bunch of shit when i inevitably fuck it up. also, commas. i use FAR too many commas. i won't be stopped.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i have a few fics that i have done that for. with French, with Russian, and now with Portuguese. it's difficult, Google Translate will only get you so far, but i LOVE languages so much. people will usually politely correct me

19. First fandom you wrote for?

OH TRUTH BE TOLD the Good Charlotte fandom, i am not even joking you right now. wrote an ENORMOUS self-insert fic for me and my friends with the members of Good Charlotte (i was with Benji, obviously) at the age of like 15 and the plot was SO fucking ridiculous. i mean. john mayer was there, ville valo from HIM was there (the main character had dated both of them before benji, of course). Elijah Wood was in there at some point and i think he was a murderer???? i should do a dramatic re-telling of what happens in this fic over tumblr (i will not post it, it is so so badly written)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

truthfully, i think it's Dear Your Holiness. i wrote that just after losing my grandmother and all of the conversations about faith still sort of hit me in the gut even now. plus the tension is really nice, i love the idea of a heavily tattooed Remus, and it's the music of my teenage years so it's very sentimental for that reason, too.

[andorerso]

Sissi, please satiate my very academic curiosity about your two OCs Dani and Elijah because I've seen you tag them on some very omg-thats-my-jam dynamics.

Like I need details. Whats their story? Do they hate each other and then oh-shit-regrettably-its-u hate-fuck in some Boston bar? Like I already have headcanons for them, we neeed moore 🥺

me seeing this ask in the morning

they're honestly one of my favorite OC ships, like top three AT LEAST. and honestly? hooking up in some Boston bar is not unimaginable! like you're not very far off at all and I love it 🥰 please tell me more headcanons *chin in hands*

you might regret asking me though because I have a looooooot to say! so much to say. too much, you might think 😭 but they have a long story, and I couldn't give them justice if I condensed it, so I think I'm gonna put this under a read-more

okay, so important context first: the setting is urban fantasy with magic and different sorts of monsters but the twist that it's all out in the open and the world has known about the existence of these paranormal things for a long while now.

Dani's in her mid-20s (around 25-27 at the start) and she has this the devil may care attitude with some serious abandonment issues (because her family situation is complicated and not the greatest). She's very rarely had real connections with anyone, whether platonic or romantic, so it makes her very lonely and basically the only person she's close to is her brother. She will pretend she likes it that way but I mean... she clearly does not. She's also a licensed monster hunter, but while most of her family on her mother's side, including her brother, were/are witches, she's got no magic of her own. So it makes her kind of an outsider even in her own family.

And Elijah isn't human. In fact, he comes from a different dimension altogether so he's a something but no one knows what yet because his kind hasn't really been seen ever before and people just don't have a name for it. He's a couple hundred years old which is old in the human sense, but not so much for their kind. Kinda early 30s in appearance. Elijah technically isn't even his real name but it's his human name and what he goes by for the entire story. His dimension is sort of splintering apart at the seams and his kind are dying by the millions so many of them started seeking refuge in other worlds, including our world. Of course they all have different attitudes towards humans, some think they should be peaceful and co-exist, some think they should just take over and subjugate humans, and some think that co-existence IS optimal but they don't think very high of humans regardless and don't really want to interact much. Basically like "you're just a small ant and I'm better than you in every way but I don't hate you so I guess you can stay." Elijah falls more into that category at the start, although he's actually curious about humans, but he's following his mentor's lead who's kinda like a father figure and the person who leads the group he came over with.

So anyway, Dani gets tangled up in this whole situation as she's one of the first person to actually see and interact with one of the others. You could kinda say they're enemies because Elijah's super loyal to his own people, and Dani's very skeptical and distrustful of them. But most of all, she really doesn't trust Elijah's mentor and that obviously creates some tension between them. So they start off on the wrong foot and they really can't stand each other first. It's a lot of unfair assumptions and prejudices basically, and they're both guilty of it. But they also clash simply because of their personalities.

Elijah's calm, collected, reserved, a bit cold some would say, he doesn't show much emotion and is entirely too serious for his own sake. Dani's more laidback and fun and likes to hide her pain with stupid jokes. She's also very much ruled by her emotions so she's hot-tempered and prone to make hasty decisions that often result in bad consequences and Elijah just. does not vibe with that. At all. There's definitely attraction from the start tbh but it's a "fuck, why them, I cannot stand them" kind of attraction. The "I think you're hot and I'm annoyed about it" kind of attraction.

They do become friendlier as time goes on and they find common ground and realize that they may not be so different after all. During this stage, only a few months after meeting, they actually end up sleeping together at a low point in both of their lives. It's one of those "you're here, I'm here, let's just make each other feel alive" kind of things. But because this is absolutely a slowburn, the next morning Dani's like "you know that was just a one night sort of thing, right?" because she does fool around with people often so it's nothing new to her but Elijah does not, isn't used to this, so he's like "uhm... yeah of course." But internally he's kinda spiraling about it. They don't talk about it, but ofc they're thinking about it.

So as time goes on, they end up becoming really close as friends and literally everyone's shocked about this development but they just... see each other, you know? They get each other in an instinctive way that no one else does. Elijah's absolutely in love with Dani at this point but doesn't really understand what he's feeling so he never does anything about it, just pines from afar, and Dani's sort of still in the denial phase (plus you know, the whole "he's my best friend and I don't really have a lot of people I'm close to so I can't lose him"). Dumb shit, obviously.

There's a jealousy sideplot at some point because I like them but it's not a love triangle because I hate those. It's basically just more of Elijah pining to be honest. Lots of angst because that's just how I roll. Over time, there's like 2 or 3 incidents when they actually kiss (I could even see another one night stand at some point, it depends) but they always pull back or change their minds or something happens outside of their control and it just never ever goes anywhere. At this point, Elijah loves her and realized it, but he's actually kinda content to be just her friend. He's okay with loving her from afar because he doesn't really think it possible to be with her for real, and it's very sad.

Dani, on the other hand, is the opposite. She has also accepted the fact that she loves him and she does not want to be just friends. At some point, they have one of those heated arguments that end with Dani, finally too frustrated with this thing between them, blurting out that she loves him, and Elijah for his own reasons (he has a lot of shit going on) pretty much ignores it and pulls away from her. It's like "this is best for both of us, I'm trying to protect you" blablabla, it's stupid and although they technically remain friends, their relationship is very obviously strained because Dani doesn't forgive him for it. Like the girl can absolutely hold a grudge, but also this is probably the time he hurts her the most, so understandable. I mean you gotta know that this is the first time she said those words to anyone that isn't her brother, and she feels rejected, feels like doesn't love or want her, feels kinda worthless because he's an immortal being from a different dimension, ofc he doesn't want her, why would he, and she feels incredibly angry that she still loves him despite all that. It’s a cycle of self-hatred and resentment, and then all that, along with some other things, pushes Dani into spiraling and she has a brief evil arc, and that's another thing preventing them from being together. (She's pretty mean to him during this era but he's also one of the things that brings her back to herself so you know... fun stuff!)

Anyway, they do get together eventually. I'm undecided on this part because idk what works better yet. One possibility is that one of them, probably Elijah, shows up at her door before a big battle that's gonna happen and confesses and they spend the night together knowing it might be their last night alive. The other possibility is that one of them, probably Dani gets hurt during the battle and Elijah confesses while she's bleeding out in his arms. Either way, they don't expect to survive so they finally come clean, and then... they survive. So now they gotta actually confront this for once.

They decide to give a relationship a try, but it doesn't end well the first time. Sure, they're happy and disgustingly in love for a while but neither knows how to be in a relationship because neither have experience. So as soon as something comes along to shake their foundations a bit, the whole thing crumbles. The following crash and burn might even be the angstiest part of the story, idk. I'm gonna be honest, the end does get a little fuzzy, I haven't fleshed out everything yet. I know I want there to be a temporary character death at some point because I know it's cheap but I live for that stuff. So Elijah dies, probably while they're still broken up, and Dani definitely goes a little feral and sets out on an impossible path to bring him back. The good stuff. He comes back, they reunite, etc. I don't wanna say everything's perfect after that because they still gotta work on their issues, but they have a happy ending and that's what matters.

Tropes include but not limited to: slowburn, mutual pining, it was always you, battle couple, hot-headed & level-headed, unhealthy codependency/mutual obsession, soulmate coded, opposite sides of the same coin, not even death can defeat us, anguished declarations of love, sad people growing an intense connection from shared trauma, grumpy character who only smiles for love interest

Songs that remind me of them: 

Remember to Remember Me by Isak Danielson - this one is pretty angsty, but it really fits a certain period in their story and every single time I hear it, it makes me think of them

An Evening I Will Not Forget by Dermot Kennedy

Evermore by Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver

The Alcott by Taylor Swift ft. The National

Love Like Ghost by Lord Huron

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

(Dani also has a playlist that she made for him even when they were just friends and it's super secret and she's kinda embarrassed about it but she does end up sharing it with him later when they get together. Fun fact, I did actually make that playlist on Spotify.)

Other trivia tidbit that I like but couldn't fit into elsewhere: Dani's full name is Danielle and she HATES when people call her that. Her parents used to do it when they were angry, and her brother still does it to mess with her or when he's disappointed with her. So no thank you. Except if it's Elijah. Other people say it in anger or admonition but Elijah says it out of sheer devotion, and she's very into it.

I could also like... make moodboards if anyone's interested? Or even if no one's interested...

[versaphile]

The Dandelion

Okay, so I said I had a Trigun plot bunny coming on? Well this past weekend, Vash just walked over and slammed a novel idea into my brain like the typhoon he is. So I guess that's my new project, which I'm now doing in parallel to finishing the last few chapters of When My Fist Clenches, Crack It Open. And uhhh holy crap, it's one hell of a novel.

Working title for now is The Dandelion, inspired by someone calling Vash a dandelion in the desert. Apologies for the source of that being lost in the depths of tumblr's Trigun tag, if you know it please tell me.

It's going to be about everything we didn't see in Stampede: Vash's early life on Ship 3, his explorations of No Man's Land, his itinerant wanderings as a "plant engineer" among humanity, and even Vash's interactions with the Plant Cult/Eye of Michael and brief, painful confrontations with Nai himself. I'm already planning to cover a ton of stuff, I finally got a sub for the Ulysses novel writing software to organize it all, this will not be small and I have a massive amount of planning to do.

This thing is probably gonna be uhhhh minimum 100k and probably at least twice that if my track record is any indication. You can laugh at me in three years when it's 500k, nothing that hasn't happened to me before ha ha. *cries* I just have MANY feelings about Stampede Vash in particular, many many many, and about his relationship with the entire complicated world Nai has made for him. Vash keeps telling me ideas and I keep writing them down in rough form for now. I can't start writing properly until WMFCCIO is complete, but I'm so close so my hope is to finish that by the end of the year, and then have enough material planned out to start writing The Dandelion as soon as that's done.

Currently I have to go uhh research desert biomes, desert travel, all the NML maps I can scrounge, emu husbandry, insect lifecycles, come up with roughly 5,000 names for every goddamn human, plant, and toma on NML, why do you love knowing everyone's names Vash, why are you torturing me like this? And I still have to figure out the back half of the fic and a million other things but I am VERY excited, it's been freaking ages since I had a new giant novel idea and this is SO different from anything I've ever written.

Also, having previously made an atlas for Merlin fandom in support of my giant novels for that, I've already started putting together an entire website for all the Trigun resources I'm gonna need in order to write The Dandelion, including all the episode transcripts (important references!!) and various timelines and visual references and such. It's still kinda bare bones as I'm very much still amassing info and Trigun fandom is such an absolute firehose and that was even before Vash commandeered my brain for this new novel. And I have to try to do all the RL things while I'm juggling all this. But I will share when it's further along.

But I already have the first line for my AO3 summary:

Before the bounty, before the Stampede, a young independent plant struggles to find himself on an unforgiving desert planet.

[veilder]

[20 Question Fic Writer Game]

Thanks for the tag @eomma-jpeg! This looks fun. :D

How many works do you have on AO3?

Twenty, if you can believe it, omg. Though, tbf, most of them are just little oneshots, lol. I only have a few chapter fics to my name. XD

What is your AO3 word count?

It's apparently 189,048... Which feels like far too much for what I've written, but okay. 😅

What fandoms do you write for?

As of right now, the only fics I've posted are (mostly) for Detroit: Become Human and (one singular one) for Trigun. I've also maybe started a few things for Genshin Impact and The Silmarillion, but nothing even anywhere near done, lol. But maybe one day!

What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Nearness of You (981)

A Simple Equation (847)

In a Name (604)

we're just two lost souls (swimming in a fish bowl) (501)

In a Flash (309)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Oh yes. I love getting comments, they mean so much to me? Even if it takes me awhile, I will respond to your comment!

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Pft, well, right now, it's a story called Reflections that I never finished writing. XD I left it off on a really uhhhhh... horrible cliffhanger... and haven't updated since... >_> But yeah, as a general rule, I don't do angsty endings. No matter what I put a character through, they're getting out in the end.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Absolutely The Nearness of You. Lol, the entire goal of that fic was to be like... the anti-angst. XD The DBH fandom really loves going dark and I was deliberately setting out to write something happy to try and counteract it all, omg. Not that it doesn't have a few serious moments to it of course but, overall, it just a light, fluffy romcom with (I think) a pretty funny ending, so yeah. XD

Do you get hate on fics?

Not for my fics in particular, per se, but I've had some run-ins with folks who don't like the ships I write for... Which isn't fun. >_>

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nah, no smut for me. Tbh, even writing kissing makes me squirm, I am so ace. XD I think I would implode if I even tried, wow.

Do you write crossovers?

I've... dabbled. Nothing I've ever published or anything, but I've had a lot of crossover ideas and stuff? And I've attempted to write a few, but nothing that ever got even close to finished, lol. Crossovers are fun to think about though. XD

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not a fic, no, but an idea? Uh, I used to get very elaborate with my prompts, with a lot of detail and stuff. Basically like mini outlines. (See my pinned message on my blog if you're curious, I have a whole list of them up there. XD) But yeah, one of them I shared with a former friend who I ended up having a huge falling out with. Well, they eventually wrote and published the idea awhile after we stopped being friends and like... fine, that's alright and all, but it sure would've been nice to get some credit for it... I don't care that they used it, only that any association with me is completely absent from the fic. :/

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, not to my knowledge!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nothing published, lol. I've attempted one before (with that same former friend I mentioned above), but that obviously didn't pan out. However, now I am writing a much more successful attempt with my buddy, @eomma-jpeg! So finger's crossed that eventually gets posted one of these days, I love it so much.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

All-time fave?!?!?! Oh no.... How can I pick just one? Listen, you're just gonna have to deal with me listing one for each of my main fandoms rn, because I can't possible choose. For DBH, definitely Convin? (Connor/Gavin Reed) (Though damn, North60 is a close second these days. 👀) For Genshin... Ugh, I'm such a slut for Chili. (Childe/Zhongli) And for Trigun... Ugh, it's gotta be Millyons, right? (Milly Thompson/Millions Knives) I adore all these ships sm. 😭😭😭

What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will?

GD DBH COFFEESHOP FIC THAT I'VE HAD FIVE CHAPTERS WRITTEN FOR FOR LIKE THREE YEARS NOW BUT CAN'T FUCKIN FINISH, UGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😡

What are your writing strengths?

Ugh, geez, I don't know? Uh... I think I'm good at... description? Or like, setting the scene? I've also gotten a few compliments on my action scenes before, too, which I was kinda blown away by cuz I didn't think they were anything special, lol! But... yeah, maybe those?

What are your writing weaknesses?

Lololololololol, how about actually writing?!?!?! 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 It'd be grand if I could actually do it, omggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!

No, but other than that... I think I tend to rush? I get so fatigued by the idea of stretching something out too long so I think I tend to just cut right to the chase in my fics. I don't much like to meander or get sidetracked with B plots or anything. My fics are... compact, let's say. 😅

I also feel like my characterization can really veer off sometimes. I feel like sometimes I default to idealized versions of the characters I write instead of writing them as they actually are.

I make a lot of typos and stupid grammar mistakes and, despite me obsessively editing everything I write before posting, it seems like a lot of them still make it through. 😫

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have... used little snippets of language in some of my fics before? But the kicker is that I found someone who actually speaks that language and asked them to help me with that, so idk, is that cheating? XD

I myself and a filthy monolingual, so I couldn't write a full-on fic in a different language or anything. But some phrases thrown in here or there for color/emphasis/character building? Yeah, I could probably do that.

First fandom you wrote for?

Oh, this is a loaded question, lol! So, first fandom I ever published a fic for was DBH back in 2019. But you'd be a fool to think that was my first attempt. XD Honestly? I think my first try was like a Suikoden fic back in... Idk, '99 or 2000? I was a child and it sucked hardcore, but y'know. XD I'm so glad my anxiety didn't prompt me to publish anything I wrote thought, omggggg. The mountain of garbage I would be sitting atop now if I did... XD

Favourite fic you've ever written?

Ah, man, it's The Lark Ascending. Without a doubt. That fic... It's both the longest thing I've ever written and the most personal. I drew from a lot of my own experiences when writing it and it helped me process some of the shit I was going through at the time and I just think it turned out... really nice. I went back and reread it not too long ago and I just... I adore it.

It's also one of the most accessible fics I've written, if anyone is curious? The whole concept of it centers around the characters as elemental spirits and I use no canon names or places or anything through the entire main story. It's the only thing I've done that's tagged with both the fandom that inspired it, but also Original Work. Because yeah, it basically is a completely original novel tbh.

The downside of it being super accessible is that it didn't really catch on in the fandom it was tagged for (DBH). It is still to the day one of my sadder failures, just because I put *so much* of myself into it? And I truly believe it has my best writing out of everything I've done, too. I went super stylized and almost poetic with it and I really tried to modulate how I wrote to match the elements of the characters I was portraying. Honestly, I'm so proud of it and I just really wish it had had a better reception than it garnered, but oh well. What's done is done.

Thank you again for the tag, @eomma-jpeg, this was a lot of fun!

As for me, I will tag... @woppy42 @ewates @sharysisnhmoonshadow @connor-sent-by-cyberlife @detroitbecomeonline @titaniumpsychologist @nock-and-bolt and anyone else who wants to pile in here! XD

[i-write-sometimes-blog]

Cold Eyes (Dark Rey x Reader) [Part 10]

Summary: A softer part of Rey comes out as she feels the loneliness you had been putting her on. All the parts.

Words: 1,747

A/N: hi, I've been a bit inactive recently but don't worry I still writing. Hope this can help you to survive this difficult times. Enjoy!

Quick steps followed behind you as you left the training room and you heard Rey calling you. The lump stuck in your throat for just the smallest memory of the nightmares.

"Y/N, wait!" She said.

"What?" You turned around trying not to break.

"Your dream is wrong" she told you as she got dangerously closer. You met her gaze "I could never hurt you. I wouldn't." she said.

Was she really serious? After all she had done, all the pain she had brought you and your loved ones?. The thought of all the things she had done filled your body with rage as you let out a humorless chuckle.

"I don't think you notice, Rey but you already had" you told her "you've hurt me more than anyone has ever had. Not to mention you tried to kill me more than once."

"Didn't have to be that way, Y/N and you know it" she added "but you forced me to”

I don’t want to hear this anymore” you said done with arguing with her because most of the times it ended in one of you crying away. So you turned on your heels to get back to your room.

“Don’t go” you heard her said as you felt her hand grabbing your wrist .

“Let me ask you something” you said as you glanced at her again, the question had been stuck in your mind for a time now, always wanting to know for sure if there was still something good inside this woman whose soft hand was stopping you from runaway. “Do you even feel any remorse for what you did to all that people? to me?”

She stared at you for a long moment before she looked away, incapable to hold your gaze any longer.

“It was necessary” she murmured “all of it.”

“Taking millions of lifes was necessary? Destroy their home was necessary?” you paused for a moment looking for her eyes “You call that necessary?”

“It was” she said without looking at you. So she did feel something, though you couldn’t tell what but if she wouldn’t she would be looking at you, she was clearly hiding those feelings call it guilt, shame or maybe regret, whatever but she had it and that was a bit reconfortating, knowing she was not a cold hearted killer.

“Y/N, you think you will be able to forgive me someday? I can’t take the loneliness anymore. I want things between us to be like in the past” she raised her voice again not her eyes fixed on you as you saw her features softened.

A thick sigh left your lips.

“I can’t” you told her and she nodded accepting your answer “not now. You’ve done terrible things, Rey to innocent people and there’s no way you can change that.” you thought for a moment, maybe this was a chance to make her see reason. “But you can prevent more people to die, you can stop this chaos, you’re their leader just give the order…”

“No!” she cut you off “No, this can’t stop now that we're so close to win, many planets had surrender already, this galaxy is ours” she changed her grip on your wrist to your hand “Look how far we’ve come, Y/N.” she said smiling.

“Please just let go, Rey” you murmured.

Rey scanned your face, a bit of disappointment in her own, even a bit of pain lying on her eyes that stared at you for a few moments.

“Okay” she said as she finally let go of your hand and doubtful she turned around.

***

As the days went by you found yourself out of Mustafar, taking a breath of fresh air for the first time in a while walking down the ship, you wished you were there for other reason than this but you couldn’t change it. Soon you heard the blasters hitting through the air, distant screams and you saw the smoke rising over the flames.

This poor planet dared to resist the First Order, this small planet you didn’t even know its name were fighting for its freedom against the stormtroopers running along the streets, people without experience in battle but with a purpose and hope.

“Y/N” Rey’s voice dragged you out of your thoughts. “You are ready” she told you handing you a lightsaber. “Do not fail me, you know what happens if you try to escape so don't do it” she said in a dangerous tone as flashes of red and yellow lighted her eyes.

“Yes, Master” you murmured insecure as you took the weapon in your hands, by the corner of your eyes you saw her doubting before she finally left your side and disappeared through the buildings with her two sabers already turned on.

You rushed down the almost empty street of this planet, dodging some blasters from time to time.

Until you ran into a group of natives that shoot immediately at you. Easily you unarmed them with a gesture from your hand making them ran out of fear, except for a kid, he ran directly to you determined to protect his home but before he even could reach you, you knock him to the ground with a move and pointed your red saber at him. This was wrong, Rey was using you as a weapon, another trooper but more powerful. She was using you to kill for her, she trained you for that and deep down you knew it but you weren't gonna kill a child nor anyone else for her.

The kid looked at you, he was not even fifteen, he looked so scared of you with the saber pointed at him humming softly.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry, I'm not going to kill you" you told him as you turned off the weapon "I'm gonna drop it, okay?" You added as you slowly placed it in the ground. "I'm Y/N" you said "I need you to tell your friends to hide, run as fast as you can, save yourself young boy"

He stared at you still frightened lying on the ground. He spoke then a language you've never heard before, a pleading tone in his voice as he told you something you couldn't understand.

"I don't get it, kid" you told him but he kept saying those words, even yelled. As the steps came closer you knew what he was trying to say. You looked over your shoulder to find dark helmets a few feet away from you. Death troopers.

"Run" you told the kid that finally understood you and got lost in the ruins of the city.

You reached out for your saber igniting it as soon as you held it on your hand standing ready in front of them.

They soon the five of them pointed their blasters at you not intimidated by your light sword. Firing they stayed on their places as you circulated your saber to dodge them changing the direction of some of their shoots and soon one of them was down.

Swinging your saber you jumped above them landing behind them as you quickly buried your weapon in the back of one of the black uniforms.

"That's all you have?" You joked as you kept fighting against them.

Then there was a small rock flying through the air that hit a helmet. You followed that direction it came from and found the kid throwing rocks at them.

"Boy, no!" You screamed but he didn't move, he kept throwing rocks at them and the troopers turned to him, one of them that seemed to be the leader grabbed the poor child by his dusty clothes and pointed at his head

You rushed to the one that was closer to you and punched the weapon off his hands.

"Put that thing down or the kid dies" you heard the modulated voice from the helmet that held the boy. And you obeyed, rising your hands.

"Let him go" you begged "it's an order" you said, maybe being Rey's appreciate would help you out of this or at least to save the boy, like in Mustafar where every single stormtrooper knew who you were.

"We don't follow orders from a traitor" said a female voice behind the helmet before punching you in the face making you dizzy for a moment, then a new knock came slamming into your belly and then another one and another. You could feel the pain all over your body, you tasted the blood in your mouth from the several times the strong trooper hit you.

Suddenly the hum of a saber made you raise your glance catching Rey pulling her sabers across the trooper that held the boy before the black uniform slammed lifeless on the ground. Immediately she took the other one and finally she killed the woman that had knock you.

"Y/N, are you okay?" You heard Rey asking you as you felt her arms wrapping around your aching body. "Y/N" she repeated. Your gaze met her face filled with pure concerned.

"Yeah" you murmured "yeah, I'm fine"

"Somebody is going to pay for this" she hissed.

“They already have, Rey” you added, finally realizing she was holding you close to her secure on her embrace, the first time you’ve been this close to her in a very long time and then you realized she saved your life though you disobeyed her orders. And for a brief moment you allowed yourself to enjoy her closiness

“I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again, Y/N” she murmured as she tightened her grip around your body “and that’s a promise”

She move away, not letting go completely out of you, she glanced at you with worried eyes, real emotions painting her face. So strong and yet so vulnerable in front of you, before she finally lose her grip on you and got back a bit serious again.

“Get back to the ship, Y/N” she said “I still have work to do, I’ll meet you there” she said turning back as she turned on her sabers again that illuminated her face with a red light.

“Rey” you called making her stop and look over her shoulder, she stared at you. “Thank you” you said and for a moment you saw the shadow of a smile cracking her lips as her features softened, letting you see that kind girl you met in the Resistance a long time ago.

“Anytime”

Tagging: @cpt-bolter , @elvencantation , @jay-birf03 , @x-a-gay-disaster-x , @sheogasms , @hstoria , @iamafangirl-fightme, @leilei-draws , @hayley-the-comet

(In case you want to be tagged for specific things, just let me know)