#there is SO much to unpack idk this just feels like a crucial thought for Ronan to have

[clotpolesonly]

Mister Impossible ch 19 // Greywaren ch 25

[meiko3323]

Father in her character demo be like:

ok im not by any means a lore theorizer, my brain is much too smooth for that, but every now and then, like a bouncing DVD logo touching a corner, i have a coherent thought. and Arlecchinos demo sparked some which id like to put forth. making it as a text post cuz archons know, i get real wordsy ^^'

spoilers obv if youre not far enough in story.

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now. upon several rewatches of the original and reactions, the first non-Arle voiceline jumped out at me:

"A spark cannot shatter all shadows until it sets all ablaze or else to the other end of light lie still bleak shades"

this made me think back to was it Childes or Wanderers voiceline? where they say that given the chance, the Knave would betray the Harbingers if it suited her. so what if, hear me out, in her quest of retribution she seeks to somehow go against the Fatui/ Harbingers/ Tsaritsa? retribution that is, for the myriad suffering theyve caused to innocent ppl around teyvat. idk abt full on taking them down, as the top 3 harbs are said to have power that rivals archons, but mb put a sizeable dent in their forces, or otherwise impede their plans. she also heavily implied a wish to collaborate w us, the Traveller, in the future at several occasions during the Fontaine AQ. mb she wants to enlist our help in her goal. circling back to that line, i think the spark is obv Father, and the shadows she wishes to shatter i strongly believe are the Fatui/ Harbingers. and unlike me, the line after is confidently saying "set ALL ablaze" = complete eradication of that organization.

my next thought was actually aided by a yt comment under one of the recent vids w her (idr if teaser, demo, or short, likely short) that said sth along the lines of "shes not a wolf in sheeps clothing, shes a sheep in wolfs clothing, forced to blend in w the wolves that took her in". this comment popped into my mind as i watched the scene where she is walking in mb some type of dream or mind world, w numerous children running around, playing and singing. and she has such a soft look on her face as she gazes at them. but then she collects herself w her signature 🤫 to flip the switch to ig we can call it her wolf side, and the scene changes to her against the red eclipse moon thing (crimson moon?). where was i going w this?.. i think the fact that her "natural" or innermost state is her sheep side where she just wishes to run the orphanage in peace and be a good mother Father to the children and she has to actively suppress that and channel her wolf side in order to carry out her version of justice, and ofc keep blending in w her adoptive wolves (harbingers) until the time is right.

finally, her last voiceline of the demo struck me as very crucial:

"I hear that the children love to play by the fireplace, so let us continue to use the name, "House of the Hearth". Still... its flame is no longer needed for you have the strength to defend yourselves"

from what i can unpack, this is obv talking abt her leaving her position as orphanage director and passing that torch (heh) to Lyney. which btw goes in line w a theory proposed by ABD Illustrates on yt regarding pyro characters (and jumping off to predict plot of Natlan). ill link it btw, go give it a watch, its very insightful:

anyway. she wants the orphanage to keep its name after her retirement. she feels that the children no longer need her (its flame) as under Lyneys leadership they can fend for themselves. a sad look comes across her face as she says this. i believe shes not as unfeeling/ uncaring and is more attached to the children than she dares to admit, and is pained to leave them behind in pursuit of her greater goals.

oh and going back to the 4.6 patch trailer, the boss battle bw her and her main trio of children - despite her thinking Lyney is fit to take over, she wants to give him one final test ig to reaffirm her decision, and to give him the confidence boost to take up that post. cuz he is very unsure of himself, and is always anxious of disappointing Father and not living up to w/e expectations he believes she has for him.

omg that was a lot. this was prob a solid hour of pure stream of consciousness. hopefully theres some coherent nuggets in there. most of it isnt horribly deep, honestly prob surface level stuff that might be painfully obv to others. but i wanted to write it out nonetheless

i invite anyone that bothered to read these long-winded ramblings to respectfully share their thoughts/ theories in the comments and/ or reblogs. was there anything i missed or forgor?

thank you for your time ^^

ps: the trailer was phenomenal btw OMG - the cinematography, the music?! i cant wait for tnbee to make an epic remix of it. and ofc for real lore theorists to dig in and drop their videos on it o3o

[michibikionmain]

This isn’t THE tommyinnit villain essay but it sure is one of them

Ok ok so 4 those of u who aren't on discord with me: i have two main essays that have been in the works for MONTHS, these being my Complete Dream character analysis essay going in-depth for nearly all of his canon interactions and finding his character traits and motivations through the story, and my Tommyinnit (and Wilbur Soot) were Always The Villains on the server essay talking about how the only reason so many people view them as the good guys or heroes is because we see the story from their perspective mainly. This essay? Is not either of those. BUT, it does go through a lot of my thoughts on Tommy and Dream’s characters so I figured I’d post it. maybe itll help me organize my thoughts 4 my Mega Projects lol

@ranboocore bc u helped me pop off on this so hard LMAO

Warning, it’s VERY Tommy Critical, what a suprise. I do not like Tommy as a character lol. idk what triggers yall might need me to tag but if u need one in particular pls lmn!

My biggest issue with tommy's character is that he SAYS hes learned but he never does he is exactly the same person he was at the start of the server just More Sad and with Trauma, when out of all the characters he's had the most push to change. c!Tommy is a very tell-don't-show character which can make it hard for some people to connect to him, especially those who don’t directly share his trauma or see themselves in his character. Of course, there is still a MASSIVE amount of people who relate to his struggles and thus love him regardless of his writing, but those who can't relate to him will always feel some kind of barrier until the things they've talked about are actually shown to the viewer instead of being spoon-fed to them.

It is a very beginner writing thing, and I'm hoping that Tommy is figuring out how to fix this, maybe with support from the many other writers on the server. There's the 3 you mentioned, plus fundy, niki, and maybe tubbo who also play dnd, plus Dream who said he would've been an English major and does a lot of personal writing for fun.  I think the biggest issue in the writing lies in the individual ccs being inexperienced in the medium, particularly with planning out their own character growth. 

Another glaring issue I have with c!Tommy is how he's framed to be sympathetic and he goes through all these horrible things without acknowledging his role in any of them. The things that have happened to him are a direct result of his actions, but the thing is HE won't acknowledge and so it falls flat. This isn’t to say that being abused is his fault, because it’s NEVER the vicitm’s fault, but being exiled? His multiple fights with c!Dream? His friendships falling apart? Losing the disks in the first place? They’re the direct consequences of HIS OWN actions, but he never acknowledges this and constantly just... brushes off any accountability by either saying that it’s Dream fault or simply SAYING he feels bad without properly showing it through redemption and GROWTH.

Denial is useful in storytelling sometimes, but Tommy's character has been in denial since the very beginning of the server and at this point it's just exhausting. He only ever switches between denial and depression, not really going through all 5 stages of grief properly. His violent/upset reactions would be more powerful if they were any different from how tommy usually acts, but this is always how he is. When he “lashes out” because he’s reached the end of his patience, it doesn’t SEEM like the snap it is because that’s just... it’s seriously just his standard reaction to everything. It hold no WEIGHT to see c!Tommy yell at someone violently or threaten to fight them because he does that anyways!

Static characters can be a good thing, and can be interesting if done correctly, but not every character SHOULD or CAN be static in a story.

Static characters need to have their position or behavior challenged and question, where they look into if the way they see and interact with the world is really the 'correct' one or just evaluated to see if they truly believe in them. This questioning period is CRUCIAL! and NEEDS to be well done in a way that ACTIVELY SHOWS the conflict between the two ideals. If they decide to hold onto their beliefs/continue their behavior then, it feels deserved, because rather than just being a flat "they do thing its who they are" they have defined WHY. WHY is a very important question to think of when telling the difference between dynamic and static characters. The why of a character is ESSENTIAL to developing them as a relatable, sympathetic person rather than a flat story telling device. It makes them a human rather than a puppet. When a character's motives aren't well defined or discussed, they're doomed to fall flat in everything else, because the WHY is the foundation of what makes them who they are.

c!Tommy has an underdeveloped "why", his motivations are weak, rarely properly discussed and when they are it doesn't particularly stick with him. His motivations change without showing us the internal struggle that should come from literally shifting your driving principles. There are some good MOMENTS of him reevaluating the importance of certain things, but they're so spread out and contradictory and immediately spat one that they're hard to piece together. He TELLS us what his motivations are as well, which is another big flaw when it comes to all that but we don't have time to unpack all THAT Anyways, the key to static story telling is reaffirmation. The character goes through a complete journey and ends with the same beliefs because they've looked into why they have them and determined that they still matter to them. A great example of static writing in my eyes is c!Techno, who since the beginning has believed that governments are bad. c!Techno enters the server to destroy a government, and still ends up doing that because he sees and we see him experience that the reasons he didn't like government before still hold true and he has no reason to support them any more than before, and so his anarchist beliefs are REAFFIRMED, proving to him that they way he handles things is the right one for him.

c!Tommy’s attachments are all just... they're all so weird.  like he LITERALLY SACRIFICES HIS LIFE MULTIPLE TIMES for L'manburg. By action of sacrifice it seems like it should be the most important thing to him, but then he throws it away for some disks that mattered less to him just a minute ago.  But then it's all about how c!Tubbo is worth more than Anything and maybe he's found something more important! but then he shoves THAT out the window for the discs again ig!!! but then it's about l’manburg again? Make it make sense.... pls....

Here's smth that really irks me about Tommy's character, and is kind of weird but give me a second to explain: Tommy has never actually permanently lost much of anything on the server. Every punishment he's ever received he's tried to find some way around. And like... I'm not expecting him to be HAPPY to face the consequences of his actions but seeing him constantly have his cake and eat it too is very irritating, especially when there are characters who DO have to deal with actual permanent sacrifices. The whole thing with the disks. where he WILLINGLY OFFERED THEM UP AND GAVE THEM AWAY THEN SPENT FOREVER TRYING TO STEAL THEM BACK WHILE CLAIMING DREAM STOLE THEM FROM HIM, is the biggest example of this, but it's generally his characters way of dealing with things. He's very backhanded and conniving, constantly calling himself "big man" except for when he wants things from people and he plays up the "iM a MiNoR" card to try and get them to give him things or feel bad. He's not just some sweet innocent kid like people paint him, he knows damn well he's messed up and while he SAYS he feels bad about it, he has never once really shown, with his ACTIONS, regret for what he's done except for the stuff with c!Sapnap, which could it could be argued he did because he thought it would help get c!Sapnap on his side to fight Dream and he knew c!Sapnap was a skilled warrior and could possibly be persuaded to fight with dream.

c!Tommy is in NO way some sweet innocent child, he knows what he's doing. He KNEW l'manburg was a drug empire, and wanted to turn his hotel into the same He was FULLY prepared to just murder c!Schlatt for legally winning an election that he KNEW was rigged AND INTENDED TO HELP RIG HE LITERALLY TEAMED UP WITH c!TECHNOBLADE KNOWING THAT HE INTENDED TO BLOW UP L'MANBURG AND ONLY LEFT WHEN HE REALIZED IT WASN'T GOING TO ACTUALLY HELP HIM--

The line of c!Wilbur saying "Tommy, are we the bad guys?" wasn't him mentally going batshit it was him realizing that the entire time they've been doing terrible things. c!Wilbur was literally ALWAYS Vilbur but the time people CALL Vilbur is when c!Will himself realized he was a villain.

[yeo-rims]

so much to unpack with your reply but yes!!! lots of people were complaining about soonho's lack of screentime but.. god the relationship between her and kang is Growing and i'm so excited to see the outcome because like you said ! she doesn't let him wallow ! she's like ??? Tf you doin' being mean to others ?! and i love her for it!! and yes.. the subtle romance really really REALLY is a selling point for me.. the way in which they do things for the other w/o expecting something in return..

the only thing they want in return is for the other to be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like sw putting music on and setting up the studio so hw could sleep there.. god. and not even getting into what that means for hw because he literally couldn't sleep at his apartment. he subconsciously knew that js being all over his place was wrong and that's why he couldn't sleep there!!!!! and yes.. the way that he cried was so satisfying because you could tell it was wearing him down a lot and that cry was needed to heal! and the BANDAID!!!!!!! my gosh. you can see after sw talked to changseob hw quickly put the frame down so she wouldn't see him doing it but it later came back round as she realized he was confessing and then saw that he removed the bandaid!!!!!! both of them needed to deal with their losses and like you said ! they understand they need to heal for themselves not for each other! the way that they're so open about their feelings.. i'm amazed by the realness of this drama every week.. and yes! lastly i do think they will acknowledge she is more than just a rebound for hw.. it is Crucial that they do. i mean they have been there for each other for so long and.. it truly... is just.. amazing. idk i'm just obsessed w/ their connection to each other. and the preview w/ the bike! now that's some cute clicheness i am ready for! also v random but the song o by code kunst reminds me of the vibes of this drama.. not necessarily the lyrics. the vibe! - 1/2 (after sending a ton of asks)

I’m loving everything about the second lead couple, and I think they have a lot to show us and I’m so excited to see how they will handle everything. Sw putting music was such a nice touch, also she made sure to wait for him and he knew it was her and knew she was probably still there, like!! They get each other in such a personal level already and mainly because they talk. They enjoy each others company way before ji soo’s death when he was still before dawn, he still liked talking to her and he cared enough to secure her a job. Like, he isn’t doing all this to get anything, it’s just who he is, the same goes for sw! Hw knew he couldn't be living like that, but like we talked, ji soo was kinda giving him some sort of stability, but now she can't do that to him anymore, now he really has to let go and live his life. it’s up to him. the confession happening at the same time as she sees the picture was so well done like she wasn't only listening to him saying he wanted her in his life, she saw that too. He cared enough for her to do such a simple gesture, one she couldn't, and it didn’t anger her or anything, but it touched her because Hw probably just wanted to see her smile and that picture means a lot to her. they are really open about how they feel and they don’t try denying it, sure, they get embarrassed and try to move on, but it’s there, they talked. it’s real! I’m sure they will address this issue too, they are doing so many things and they are so good I’m afraid but still optimistic. It’s just a well-thought drama and it knows how to portray such complicated feelings and people without trying too hard or being way too dramatic. I’m in love. (And the song is so good? I’m listening to it atm) 

[ante--meridiem]

Idk whether I should prolong this conversation but I had a few thoughts: two ppl donate to charity, one out of want to help, one to brag about it on instagram, does their thoughts and motivations for doing the exact same thing really not matter or make those two examples different? would it be wrong to say that one person was more moral than the other in this example? similarly isn't there a difference between a person thinking "I desire x but won't go after it cos I feel strongly about y"

and another person thinking "I desire x but unfortunately can't get it cos z" when both ppl end up doing nothing, does the lack of actions prevent us from coming to the conclusion that the person driven by selflessness is more morally righteous? Is it even possible to completely separate thoughts and actions when talking about human behavior? and when we're talking about cases of ppl having bad thoughts and choosing to not act on them which seems to be what you mainly have in mind then imo it is noteworthy and arguably proves the person to be "good", simplistically speaking, that they are actively fighting those thoughts. however that requires that outside of thoughts of hurting others the person would also have to harbor thoughts of disgust for their own ideas or thoughts of not wanting to cause others pain, which in turn would make me describe their thought process as "they don't desire to do harm" despite their "bad thoughts"

OK, I did kind of want to drop this conversation but you raise some interesting points here so I'm willing to respond. Firstly I want to clear up the paradigm I'm using to debate this. When it comes to morality there isn't really any objective way to determine the "truth" of a statement, so my metric for agreeing or disagreeing with a statement is "is this a helpful way of looking at things?" And... I generally find that paradigms that try to use morality to measure a person's innate worth, rather than to get people to treat each other well, do more harm than good. (To be honest, any attempt at measuring people's "innate worth" raises a ton of red flags for me because that kind of thing can go downhill fast, even when it claims to be based in morality).

I like the "donating to charity" example because there's a good deal to unpack there. The danger in donating only so you can brag on instagram is that the help you give will likely be superficial and poorly thought out; a difference not just in motivation, but in action and impact. Even if the two individual actions are identical the long-term trend will likely be different, and really you can't judge people on one-off actions anyway (unless those actions are really extremely bad or really incredibly selfless).

However let's suppose the two people's actions really are identical long term. Let's talk motivations; what is a fully selfless motivation? I don't consider "wanting to be a good person" to be that much less selfish than wanting to brag on instagram; sure, it may be deeper and more internally motivated, but it’s still ultimately about you and not the people you're helping. The only fully selfless motivation is if your actions are a direct response to people's pain. But if they are, then you won't care to analyse your own motivations, because what matters to you won't be why you're helping someone but the fact that it makes their life better. So paradoxically, the person with the "purest" motivation will be the one to tell you that the selflessness of their motivation doesn't matter; all that matters is that they've helped someone.

Here's the thing: I've spent time going down overthinking spirals about whether I'm only nice to people because I want them to like me. But ultimately the only conclusion of any value that came from this is that the more I overthought it, the worse I actually ended up treating people, because I didn't want to do it "just so they'll like me". In the end I would rather be kind always out of partially selfish motivations, then be kind only when my motivations are pure.

The thing is, us humans have high ideals but we're equipped with primitive monkey brains that mostly want things like "pleasure" and "validation". Trying to fully transcend this seems impossible; the best we can do is try to hack our brains so that their systems of obtaining short term rewards align with our long term ideals. That's why it's important that we do validate and encourage people when they act in ways we consider good. (And that's also my issue with those "you shouldn't be rewarded for being a decent human being" posts; people need positive reinforcement to build good behavioural patterns. Once they're there they can generally manage on their own but until then, why would you not help them do better?) The fact that we can get approval from things like donating to charity and posting about it on instagram is a feature of society, not a bug. What's true is that the more internally motivated someone is, the less effort society will have to expend keeping them in line, so from that perspective you could consider them a better person. But in the end we don't exist in a vacuum and our morals don't develop in a vacuum; our morals are learnt in the only way any behavioural pattern is ever really learnt, which is via positive and negative feedback.

I guess the point here is: our behavioural patterns are basically something that can be programmed and hacked, and our thoughts are the code that run it. You judge a piece of code not by its inherent value but by whether or not it does what it's supposed to. Some pieces of code are more prone to bugs and glitches, but they aren't "bad" because they're inherently impure in some way, they're bad because they aren't reliable enough in producing results. Our hypothetical instagram bragger would be an example of that. And the best we can really do is make the most functional code we can with the tools we have, not condemn each other for having the "wrong" kind of programming language installed.

You're entirely right that I focused on people who want to counteract their bad thoughts, but that's because they are the kind of people the original quote makes most sense as being addressed to. It makes no sense to tell someone that their desires matter as well as their actions when they already fully intend to act on those desires; such a person clearly has no interest in "being good" so it's rather pointless telling them how they could do so. On the other hand it seems supremely unhelpful to tell someone who is fighting their negative impulses that having such impulses makes them bad; at worse it will convince them there's no good fighting since they're bad anyway, and at best it will weigh down their mental health with a ton of guilt that just makes the thoughts harder to fight. And on the flip side it isn't helpful to encourage the kind of moral scrupulousity that makes people suspect they might secretly be awful even though they do their best to do good things, because their desire to do so may be based in "selfish" human needs like "receiving love, praise and validation". Moral condemnation is only something that works against people who are susceptible to guilt, and people who are susceptible to guilt will almost certainly fit the criteria of "fundamentally not wanting to be bad", even if they sometimes have to fight conflicting desires. People who want to be bad are not responsive to being told they're bad.

I also find it kind of... creepily intrusive to want to pull apart and judge someone's inner thoughts and motivations when they've done nothing wrong. I am far more disturbed by humanity's desire to judge and condemn each other on such a personal level than by the thought that some people might do good things for selfish reasons. I find it possible, but extremely unlikely, that someone who makes no effort to counteract their "bad" desires will act virtuously for their entire lives, the same way it's technically possible but extremely unlikely that a piece of code full of bugs and glitches would run smoothly every time it's used. But if one or two such people do manage this and hence slip through the gaps in our judgement... what's actually the great loss? The world is no worse off for it. On the other hand, if we seek them out and punish them for being "bad", we've just hurt someone to no benefit, and I rather think that makes us the bad guys here.

... This is rambly and incoherent and also probably the last I have to say on this topic unless someone raises a point I find crucial, but here you have it.

[missfame]

so, what are your thoughts on the first as3 episode? (besides the overwhelming loss of not seeing miss fame drawing a chicken)

AAAAAH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS! i’ve really wanted to discuss the premiere but i’ve been overwhelmed because there’s SOOO MUCH TO UNPACK, idk where to start?

all in all though, i’m obsessed and thought it set the perfect tone for the season!!! i love the variety show being the first episode because just like in all stars 2, the standouts were the under dogs and not the obvious front runners! like i’m sure everyone was expecting katya or alaska to win it last season and trixie this season but it was so refreshing to see queens who are often underestimated come out on top!!! i’m so proud of aja and dela and though i thought aja should have won overall, i can’t really complain?

i also love this cast and their dynamic! i love how upfront they are and how there’s drama right off the bat. that’s why i was kinda bummed to see morgan go so soon because she made it very clear she was a pot stirrer and i love that! i love how unapologetic the shadiness and cattiness has been!!! it’s something i think is crucial to the show!!!

also this episode was just really funny? that reading challenge was one of the most consistent ones i had ever seen! almost everyone nailed it and those who didn’t, still landed a joke or two jsjsjsjssjjs i can tell this season is gonna have so many iconic, memeable moments like i can’t wait??? the cheesy ass confessionals haven’t disappointed either jsjsksk FUCK I’M JUST SO EXCITED and i wish we got a proper untucked because i feel like that extra hour of behind the scenes would be GOLD

but yeah i think this season is the one for the herstory books and i hope y’all who thought it was gonna flop and peril in comparison to as2 aren’t too stubborn to admit you were wrong cause GUESS WHAT?! you were wrong lmfao!!!! i may be jumping the gun with this glowing review but idc!!! i just have really good feelings about this instalment of all stars and i think it’s bound to get better and better!!!!!!

[jackdylananderson]

“How to Avoid Getting Lonely on a Solo Roadtrip”, as reviewed by me

Recently, I got an email from one of my favorite newsletters, Roadtrippers. And one article in particular caught my eye: "How to Avoid Getting Lonely on a Solo Roadtrip".

Now, I've noticed something at this point. Many travel sites will have a guest author write up some travel advice and at the tail end, remind you to check out their blog, story, insta, etc. 

The author gets exposure and the travel site gets cheap labor. 

And I don’t have a problem with this at all, if the article has good advice. But today, this advice...this is not my kinda advice.

So let's rip through it. "How to Avoid Getting Lonely on a Solo Roadtrip"

"There were challenges of being on the road, of course; the tediousness of unpacking and repacking my car at every overnight stop, the annoyance of living out of a suitcase, and the nausea that would stir up at the mere thought of eating another McDonald’s french fry. Road trip food is fun at first, but eventually you get sick of eating like a twelve-year-old at a birthday party."

Okay, so the author should learn to:

Minimize.

Organize better.

Eat better. (Or don't, Taco Bell is my favorite mistake). 

"But perhaps more than anything else, I’ll remember the crippling loneliness I never expected to feel."

Crippling loneliness? Seriously? Sure, the road is lonelier. But the other side of that coin is independence and reflection. A chance to find yourself. And at other times, just some simple adventures like gas station buffets or the chatting up locals at the diviest bar in town. 

Tip 1: "Getting enough sleep was crucial"

Dafuq? I’m sorry, does that not apply to literally every human on the planet? Yeah, go for 8 hours. Got it. Check. 

"Something I wish I knew before I started this trip was: Driving takes a lot out of you, both physically and mentally. I had to deal with everything from an aching pelvis to cramps in my calves from pointing and flexing my foot on the gas pedal. My neck and shoulders got sore.

Is this bitch serious? She got injuries WHILE DRIVING??? You just sit there! 

Sure, after a long drive, you will be surprised at how tired you are. That's because you've been stiff and mentally alert the whole time. But I've never heard of someone getting calf cramps by sitting their ass in a VW Beetle for a few hours. Is she driving upside down?!

I also realized the hard way that my daily driving cap was seven hours."

Dang, tough it out, wuss. My buddy Joel and I just drove 2200 miles in 40 hours straight alternating who was driving and who was sleeping in the cramped back. No complaints. :) Also, I'm not sure how any of this advice makes you less lonely...

Tip 2: "Too much screen time made things worse" 

Okay, again, that applies to everyone. Cut back on social media. You're making yourself lonely, jealous, depressed, etc.

"Plus, writing letters felt like a diary entry and helped me get all the icky lonely feelings out (and receiving mail certainly feels more special than a text). Postcards are also great because the ones I received on the trip were memorable souvenirs once it was over."

Okay that's good, now you're sorta getting it. Letters are good. But you're still focusing on what you're missing back home instead of who's in front of you...

"I learned the easiest way to get it was to put a call out on social media. It was as simple as posting “Does anyone in Missoula want to meet for a coffee?” on my Instagram story. I ended up making four new good friends on this trip because they followed me on social media and reached out.”

Bitch, are you serious? You think we all got random instagram followers that we don't know but they wanna swing by and chat when we're in BumFuck Missoula?? I thought we were chilling it on the social media?? How many times did you ask "Does anyone in Cock Springs, Arkansas wanna hang?" Or how about Boston and yet nobody showed up. Girl, I know you got some flakes. Don't pretend it was all hunky dory, Miss I-got-4-new-friends-from-instagram.

"I also asked around my pre-trip friend group—because sometimes a current buddy had a cool cousin in Omaha or a former mentor in Spokane."

YES! Thank you! This is great advice. Asking friends (facebook can help) if they know anyone where you're traveling through or to is almost always worthwhile. Then give them a call and arrange something. 

Tip 4: "People I met on the road were gifts"

Wait, did you finally actually meet some people?!? Were they locals? Cuz that would make sense. If you're moving to a place (the author was checking out prospective cities to move to), you're gonna wanna see what the people are like. 

"When I first started the trip, I avoided making connections because I knew they were only temporary."

Dumb, dumb, dumb...

"I met a few friends using Bumble BFF (surprisingly not as lame as it sounds) and Tinder (sometimes a date turned into a mutual “let’s be friends” situation)..."

I mean, I guess that counts? But what you're really telling me is you were looking for dates or fucks or maybe friends. I'm questioning your use of "mutual", you tease.

"On the romantic front, it was easy to say “why bother” after a first date with someone I really liked when I only had three more weeks in their city."

Called it!

"But one of the best things that happened to me on this trip was someone I dated in Denver saying, “You’re only here for three more weeks? Well, that means we better try to see each other as much as possible before then.” And you know what? I’m glad I didn’t succumb to pessimistic thinking, because the time I spent with his person made my Denver leg of the trip even more special."

You're talking about a fuck buddy, right? Just find a classy way (for the travel site) to say it. Like, “I found several lovers.” Or, “I had plenty of romantic adventures.” Or whatever Gilmore Girls say when they head out on hoe weekend.

Tip 5: "Remember that it takes time"

Hold on. Did you even meet anybody not tryin’ to smash?

Tip 6: "Loneliness, like everything in life, is temporary"

Holy shit. You only met people tryin’ to smash.

Tip 7: "A nonconventional lifestyle comes at a cost."

You gotta be kidding me...

"I gave up certain luxuries—a bed to call my own, home-cooked meals, and, yes, easy access to friends and family—"

BITCH I LIVED IN MY CAR FOR A YEAR. You fucking AirBnb'd, ate out every night and hooked up with randoms! That's luxury, ya millennial twat! 

"Dana Hamilton is a sex columnist for Playboy and New York Magazine, as well as the author of the sex-positive travel blog “Eat, Drive, F*ck.” 

Now it all makes sense. Our generation is fucked. 

If you really wanna know the answer, it’s go out and meet people. It’s not as easy as it sounds, because frankly all of our personalities are different. Just go do what you like, improve your social skills, be bold and ask people the smallest questions, then go bigger. One of my favorite little moments came when I biked to the shores in Charleston. The water was beautiful from the docks and there was an attractive girl nearby. Idk what I said, but probably that the water was beautiful which led to good conversations and a quick bike tour of some of Charleston’s abandoned and “haunted” buildings. Talk to people. They want you to, whether they know it or not. :)

[xoshepard]

I have been... very at odds with myself lately, tbh

idk if it’s my imminent return to america that has me on edge, or just a bunch of things that have been happening lately

since I met my internet friend on saturday I’ve felt weird because although I felt fine on the night, I realized later that I was like... viciously pushing parts of myself back to avoid making them feel awkward, because I knew that they weren’t the kind of person I would usually be friends with (we’ve known each other via the internet for like 5 years or something, and if we were more compatible we would be closer obvs) and so it was like a minefield because with people like that and someone like me, awkward situations are so easy to come by. it was even worse because they talked to me like they knew me, kept saying they loved me, etc. etc. but I wasn’t comfortable. I wasn’t uncomfortable, but I wasn’t myself

I also seem to be getting very very defensive about my blackness, and blackness in general these days. the other person I keep ranting about is the kind of person that thinks they’re an ally, but is just making a lot of noise for brownie points, often talking over actual black people or thinking that their opinion matters at all in, or worse yet, is crucial to, a discussion that black people are having about blackness. that’s one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to like allies or whatever. sometimes u gotta know when to shut up.

but the more important things are also constantly bothering me, too. what’s going to happen to me? my family? is it just a matter of time before we’re just some more victims of an American Tragedy?

my friends have entirely different priorities... some of them don’t, or simply can’t, understand just how different our perspectives are.. I know it’s hard to grasp when we resonate with each other so well on so many different points, but we’re different. so, so different. some friends sympathize. some don’t know how I feel at all. it’s something else that I can’t share with my non-black friends because there can only be three reactions: 1) yes I, too, suffer (WRONG), 2) man that sucks (uh.. thanks..), and 3) boy I hate this system and I’ll fight with you (almost there but... somehow still lacking)

then talking with my black friends just reminds me that I’m so depressed that my african american history class was one of the main contributing factors to my suicidal thoughts in the dreaded Senior Year of College. I feel so fucking weak, there are people out there staying informed, spreading information, donating, fighting, protesting, and I can’t even have a conversation.

then there’s the wonderful “my black family thinks being un-straight means being unnatural”. this... I haven’t even begun to unpack this.... as far as my life’s trajectory is going, I could go my whole life pretending to be straight. but... fuck, man, do I just have to live my entire life hiding as much of myself as possible, and pretending the rest isn’t relevant? the hole in my heart when I listen to music from my childhood and hear how they talk about gayness in dancehall, or when my uncle gets up on his soapbox, or whatever whatever whatever. even to my parents, it’s the butt of a joke.

and let’s not get started on the misogyny. or god forbid the misogynoir. I know, I know, I’m a black woman which puts me on the bottom rung of every social ladder that exists, I’ve been told this since childhood, you guys were trying to prepare me for reality but you just made me lose my will to live. it’s not your fault, though. how do we deal with this world?

anyway, I just feel very.. uncomfortable in my skin right now, like no matter where I go or what I do it won’t be enough or it’ll be too much I’m walking this goddamned tightrope and wondering why I don’t just let myself drop off