#there was a centipede in my house today

[squirrelthing85]

I am all for being corruptionpilled jane prentiss kin or whatever in Theory (being consumed by what loves me) but my ass? Could Not handle the bugs. Maybe I’m a poser. but I’m sorry my love. Creepy Crawlies in my House and Home? I shudder at the thought

[cowdragons]

we have discovered the biggest roach ive ever not seen (it was described to me as my brave dog and roommate removed its accidentally squished ( :0[[[[[ ) corpse today) and aahhhh. aahhh oh my god. HHH oh my god oh my god help help help help help

[a-very-fond-farewell]

so. i did a bad thing :)

[samaraxmorgan]

Your Roommate Sukuna

“That Time He Got Jealous Of His Twin Brother”

Modern no curse AU, Sukuna X Reader

Synopsis: This housing crisis sure is no joke huh? Rent is just too expensive to live alone, so you put out a listing for a roommate and ended up living with none other than the tattooed bad boy Ryomen Sukuna! This is part of a series of drabbles and oneshots showing glimpses into you and Sukuna’s living situation!!

Contains: brothers au, pure fluff, slight Yuuji x Reader but we all know who you’re really here for, Sukuna is down bad, narration is mostly from Sukuna’s POV

Word Count: 1.80k

Series Masterlist - My Full Masterlist

Sukuna is a fucking geinus.

His plan is full proof. His brothers put him in charge of buying the tickets for some stupid ass movie Yuuji wants to go see, and you always write your work schedule down on the calendar taped to the fridge. Sure, yeah, maybe he had to call out sick for today because this was the only day that Choso had work and you didn’t, but now he knows that his plan will fall perfectly into place. Yuuji is already at the apartment, you’ll come downstairs eventually, and Yuuji will invite you to come to the movie in Choso’s place, making it look like a total coincidence and definitely not something he’s been meticulously planning all week.

Could he have just, I don’t know, asked you to go on a date with him? Of course not, that’s fucking ridiculous. This makes so much more sense.

I mean, you absolutely loved The Human Centipede, definitely weren’t covering your eyes in terror and disgust when he showed it to you, so it’s a no brainer that you’ll just adore Human Earthworm. Hah! What a fuckin’ joke, you’ll be dragging Sukuna out of the theatre within five minutes and begging him to take you out somewhere else without his annoying twin brother.

It’s perfect.

Him and Yuuji are lounging on opposite ends of the couch while Yuuji is going on and on about an Elden Ring boss he can’t beat. Sukuna has his boots propped up on the coffee table and his arms resting behind his head as he half listens to his brother, and more so keeps an ear out for your footsteps upstairs.

“I was gonna try and beat her without summons but she’s kicking my ass, how many tries did it take you?”

“One.”

“Ugh!” Yuuji flops backwards on the couch, grabbing a throw pillow and shoving it over his face, his defeated whines muffled through the plush cotton, “She’s so impossible!”

Footsteps, finally. As you walk into the living room Yuuji uncovers his face, and you stop dead in your tracks, pointing at him, and then his brother, back and forth a few times before rubbing your eyes.

“Holy shit, there’s two of you?”

Oh yeah, I never mentioned my family huh?

Sukuna just gives you a smug smirk, “Three, but the emo one couldn’t make it.”

Yuuji perks up, jolting upright on the couch and giving you a bright smile, “Hi! I’m the normal one!”

You pull a chair out from the kitchen table, plopping yourself down into the wooden seat, “I think I’m gonna faint.”

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Sukuna is… a fucking idiot.

He knew his brother had a bubbly personality and could get along with literally anyone, but how was he supposed to know that you two would hit it off so well? Yuuji is pulling out all the stops, holding the door open for you, offering to pay for your popcorn, god it’s like he’s trying to get on Sukuna’s nerves.

Granted, it’s not like Sukuna told him that he likes you, but I mean for fucks sake that’s his twin brother! Shouldn’t he have some sort of sixth sense for this kind of thing?

That pink haired fucker has you wrapped around his little finger, you’re looking at him with googly eyes and cheesing like it’s fucking picture day. Ridiculous. Why don’t you ever smile like that for him? He’s funny!

I’m never letting him in the apartment again.

The three of you walk up to the top row of the nearly empty theater, Sukuna making sure to sit right between you and Yuuji. Previews are rolling on the screen as Sukuna is trying his damndest to hide the scowl on his face, his large arms crossed over his broad chest as he watches the way the large screen reflects different colors into your eyes. He didn’t really think this far ahead, he’s got you next to him at the movies but… what now? He’s mentally kicking himself enough as it is for not considering his overly charismatic brother, and now he’s realizing that he doesn’t even know what his own intentions are.

Did he just want to take you somewhere? Is he trying to sleep with you? Does he want to be… romantic with you?

God, what has he become? He’s supposed to be the tough fucking scary guy and he’s not only getting shown up by his nerdy brother, but also getting nervous at the thought of making a move on you.

Yuuji flings popcorn in your direction, making you squeal out a giggle as it gently lands in your hair. Sukuna groans, hardly paying attention as he’s deep in thought, running his finger through your hair and flicking the popcorn away. He’s so consumed in his own head that he completely misses the blush that tints your cheeks at his tender touch.

Should I have even bothered with this? I feel like staying at the house would’ve been better at this point.

A piece of popcorn flies into his eye.

“Ugh,” This is so stupid, Sukuna rubs his eyelid with his thumb, “Watch it, brat.”

Yuuji tosses his hands up defensively and you giggle again, leaning over the armrest and placing your pointer finger on Sukuna’s cheek, tilting his face to turn towards you. Have your eyes always been that bright?

“Ooh, bullseye.” He can feel your breath fanning on his face, you’re so close, but just as abruptly as you leaned in, you lean back into your seat. God, he wants more than anything to tell you to come back, but the words wouldn’t be able to escape his lips if he tried. Unfortunately, all he manages to do is glare down at you and make you shift awkwardly under his gaze, mumbling out a quick apology.

Fuck. I think I scared them.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

From what you’ve been able to gather, this movie is weird. Is it horror or romance? You’ve been having trouble paying attention, far too distracted by Yuuji leaning over the very annoyed looking Sukuna to excitedly whisper tidbits about the movie to you. But every time you look over to Yuuji your eyes can’t help but wander to Sukuna’s profile, the flashing lights of the large screen illuminating his tattooed skin, his bottom lip tutting out to blow the loose strand of his pink hair resting on his brow out of his eyes-

Ah dammit, I’m doing it again.

You’re so confused. Sukuna has been giving you mixed signals all night, sweetly running his fingers through your hair one moment, then glowering at you like he wants you dead the next. He’s so unpredictable, and you’ve been so distracted by him all evening that you’ve hardly been able to pay any attention to poor Yuuji, giving him bright smiles and fake laughs while your mind is completely consumed with Sukuna.

He’s been so grumpy the entire evening, you’ve been feeling like he’s… disappointed? Is he mad his other brother couldn’t come? Is he mad that you took the emo one’s place? Would he rather somebody else have gone to the movie with him? It was Yuuji’s idea for you to tag along, so it’s safe to assume that if Sukuna wanted you here he would have just invited you, right?

But then every now and again his eyes flicker to you, watching. Why is he looking at you like that? With his gaze so uncharacteristically soft, scanning your face like he’s searching for something, from the corner of your eye you can catch him looking at your lips.

Is there something on my face?

You’re ripped from your thoughts as a blood curdling scream erupts from the speakers, making you jump in your seat. You catch the tiniest glimpse of a smirk creeping on the corner of Sukuna’s lips as he sits like a rock, completely unbothered as per usual. You gently kick his foot under the seat, and he presses his large boot onto the top of your sneaker, pinning your shoe under his and keeping your foot locked in place under the sole of his steel toe boot.

You cross your arms over your chest, letting out a frustrated huff at him that only makes his grin grow wider, his face still pointed towards the large screen as he flashes his canines at you. He props his elbow on the armrest between you, resting his chin on the ball of his palm as he peers down at you with a smug grin.

“You ready to get out of here yet?”

Cocky fucker, I swear he gets off on making me mad.

“No.” You snap back defensively.

Unbeknownst to you, his question was not rhetorical. But you’re in it now, determined to sit through this entire movie even if it kills you. You’re bothering him enough just by being here, the last thing you want to do is make him feel like he needs to leave.

His smirk shifts into a grimace as he taps his boot on top of your shoe. You slide your sneaker away but he loops his calf around yours and pulls your leg towards him, gently kicking your foot. If you didn’t know better you’d almost think he was… trying to play footsies with you? You’re not really sure what he’s trying to do, all you know is that he’s still leaning on the armrest between you and probably unintentionally pulling you closer by your leg.

Your arm brushes against his as you try to maneuver your elbow onto the armrest, quietly muttering to him “You’re hogging up all the space.”

He leans down slightly to whisper in your ear, “Tragic. Use the other one.”

You nudge his forearm with your elbow, “Just move your arm.”

He lets out a quiet “Tch” and raises his arm to rest over the back of your seat instead, “This better, brat?”

You nod your head as a blush creeps onto your cheeks, luckily hidden by the darkness in the room. When you relax back into your chair you can feel his arm pressing into the back of your neck and his fingers lightly graze against your shoulder. It feels… kinda comforting, you can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to lean into his touch and your heart starts to pound at the thought.

You don’t dare to look at Sukuna, deciding to quietly enjoy the moment. Which is a real shame, because if you did look at him there’s a chance you’d catch the way he’s gnawing on his bottom lip with a face that looks almost as flustered as your own.

He might be enjoying this more than you are, and he might even be thinking that having to sit through this movie might not be so bad after all.

A/N: POV you and Sukuna are two idiots who are into each other but neither of you have the balls to do something about it. Also writing Sukuna’s POV for the narration was SO FUN!!! We love our delusional king who sees you god forbid smile at another person and immediately assumes you’re in love with them Dividers by @adornedwithlight

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!!

[sturniozo]

Our Lips Are Sealed I

masterlist

For as long as I can remember, my older brother Nate has been best friends with the Sturniolo triplets that live down the street from us.

I was always a little jealous of the triplets. They’re so outgoing and have loving parents and just seem to happy all the time. Things are different with me and Nate.

While Nate and I are siblings, it’s only half-siblings. We have different fathers, and we live with our mother. Every other weekend I go see my father, but Nate’s old enough to decide he didn’t want to go visit his dad anymore.

I don’t blame him. I’m going to do the same thing next year, when I’m able to. What can I say, our mother has a type. Douchebags that don’t care about anyone but themselves.

I don’t need a father anyways, I have Nate, my big brother. He’s better than anything I could ask for. He’s always been there for me, always looked out for me, always cheered me on.

Of course, he’s my brother and we argue. A lot. Lately about his friends, the Sturniolo triplets. Nate has noticed how I feel about Chris, and warned me against it. But what can I do about it, Chris is over all the time.

I pack my clothes into my bag. Today’s Sunday so I’m going back to my moms after spending the weekend with my father. The weekend was as it usually is. I was locked away in my room while my dad was out doing whatever. He didn’t trust me to be in the house myself. He thinks I might break something.

I’m glad to be going back home. My mother might have the worst taste in men but she’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever known. She takes care of my brother and me all on her own.

I shut off the light to my room and walk downstairs, bag in arm. “Come on, i don’t have all day. There’s a game in tonight, I want to get back before it starts.” My dad says.

“I’m coming.” I mumble as I walk down the stairs. This will be the last time I’m here. I turn 18 next week, then I’ll be old enough to decide whether or not I come here, just like Nate.

My dad ushers me out the front door, and I walk to his truck in the drive way. I get in the back seat, since his passenger seat is covered in trash from take out.

My dad gents into the truck, pushing some trash to the side. He mumbles to himself “mother can’t even get her own kid.”

I just roll my eyes and lean back in the seat. My phone buzzes with a text from my brother.

Nate 💩 :

You on your way home?

I smile at the text and send a reply.

Me :

Yeah, I’ll be there soon

Nate 💩:

Good moms making supper she wanted to know if you’ll be here

Me:

I’ll be home in 20

I shut my phone off and stare out the window as we back out of the driveway. It’s a silent drive, if you don’t include my dad bitching about my mom.

I don’t understand how someone could talk so crudely about someone so sweet. I ignore his voice and just stare out the window during the drive home.

My dad pulls into the driveway of my home. I quickly get out of the truck and run to the door, only waving goodbye. He pulls out of the driveway as soon as I have the back side door closed.

I set my bag down on the couch and walk into the kitchen where Nate sits at the island counter on his phone while our mother cooks. My mom looks up and smiles “Sweetie! You’re home!” She says.

I smile back at her. Nate turns around and sees me. “You look like you need a shower.” He says

I stick my tongue out at him and he just smiles at me. “I do, I’m scared of dad’s shower.”

“What’s wrong with his shower?” Mom asks.

“I think it’s infested.” I reply.

“Infested? With what?” Mom laughs as she cuts vegetables.

“Cockroaches, ants, centipedes.” I shiver.

“Oh, you’re just being dramatic.” My mom says.

“I’m serious, it’s disgusting. And his shower is yellow, too. Like stained yellow.”

My mom rolls her eyes and sighs. “Go shower, be down for supper.” She says with a slight smile.

I run up the stairs to my bedroom to grab some clothes and take a quick shower. After I run back downstairs and to the kitchen. I sit down next to Nate at the island counter.

I peak over his shoulder and see a message with my name, and see him texting Chris. I blush slightly and bite my lip as I try to read his messages, only for Nate to catch me.

“Hey!” He says as he turns his phone to the side so I can’t see.

“I wasn’t doing anything!” I say as I hold my hands up in surrender.

“You were snooping on me!”

“I was not!” I lie blatantly.

“Mom, she’s snooping on me!” Nate tells mom.

“Snitch!” I yell back at him.

“Will you two get along?” Mom says to us.

“When she stops looking over my shoulder and reading my texts, yeah.” Nate mumbles.

“Y/n respect his privacy.” Mom says.

“He’s talking about me, I saw my name in one of the messages!” I say back.

“Don’t talk about your sister behind her back, Nathan.” Mom says sternly.

“Chris just wanted to know when the camping trip for Y/n’s birthday was.” Nate says.

I blush slightly. “Why does he want to know that?” I ask.

“Because him and Nick and Matt are coming, dumbass.” Nate reply’s.

“Watch your mouth.” Our mom says.

My blush gets deeper. “Chris is coming on the camping trip?”

“Yeah, mom said they could yesterday.”

“They’ve never come before.”

“Chris asked me about it.” Nate shrugs.

I look down, trying to hide my blushing face. Chris wanted to come to my birthday?

TAGS: @urfavpouge @savageking3 @tastesousweet @jko3005 @sturniolo0ntop @dwalk41202 @stvrnise @bernardenjoyer @sturniolosreads @mbbsgf @xxsadlovexx @whicked-hazlatwhore @sturnsgirl @keira324 @stuniolobbg @timmyscomputer @meg-sturniolo @sturnioloenthusiast

[crevicedwelling]

Whats your favorite bug to see as a freshly peeled angel?

I probably owe my internet presence as it is today to this one photo of a recently molted Scolopendra sp. “Guangxi,” although while I’d do anything to see her again I always preferred her usual coloration (top right).

teneral amblypygi are a work of art; so are house centipedes

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 33

Eminem x FemReader Fanfiction

Summary : Reader finally moves to Detroit with Marshall and gets used to living with him and getting to know him even better. She is on cloud nine... Until she learns she's going to meet someone special.

Tags : Fluff - Smut - Bit of angst

Author's Note : I hope you enjoy the chapter ❤️

Y/N’s POV 

After you finally landed in Detroit, you spent almost two days sleeping, trying to fight the jetlag. Marshall seemed to be dealing with it pretty well, probably because he was so used to traveling. You, on the other hand, were really suffering from it and it wasn’t only affecting your sleep schedule, on the rare occasions you were awake, you also had trouble focusing, which did not help you get reacquainted with the house. You didn’t think you would have much trouble settling in, since you had spent so much time there before moving back to Paris, but actually moving in with your boyfriend was a bit different : you had to learn where everything was located and you got familiar with Marshall’s quirky ways, like how he organized the pantry and his weird tidying up habits, that were really different from yours. Also, you hadn’t really thought about the fact that you might feel ill-at-ease in the house, but it was definitely the case. Your boyfriend was incredibly welcoming and made a point of saying that it was your house too, but it didn’t feel like it. Every piece of furniture reminded you of the fact that he had lived there for about twenty years and had lived a full life in it before you were in the picture. You weren’t jealous per se, but it felt weird, like you were starting from scratch and he was already on level 20. So far, the corner you managed to claim as yours was the bedroom, probably because you spent so much time sleeping and fighting off jet lag. On the third day, though, you managed to wake up at a decent time and found Marshall training in the home gym. The sight of him bare chested and all sweaty doing some push ups was definitely a nice way to start your day. 

Hey sleeping beauty, he said as he got up to kiss you. Didn’t expect to see you awake until a couple of hours at least. 

I think I’m starting to run on american time again, you giggled. You know, if I had known I’d see this in the morning, I would have fought the jet lag harder… 

Just got back to it today, he chuckled. Gotta start training back, after all that pasta in Italy. You don’t want me to get all chubby, now, do you ? 

I wouldn’t mind, you said as you ran your hand over his stomach. The more of you the better. 

How about you help me shower ? He asked with a smirk. You’ll get to see more of me. 

Are you really propositioning me this early in the morning, Marshall ? 

Haven’t seen much of you for three days, you know, he chuckled. 

Now I wonder how you managed for six months, you giggled. 

Not going to lie, it was hard. Pun intended. Are you coming or what ? 

Actually, your man having his way with you in every room and against every single piece of furniture did a great job helping you feel at home in the house. In the following days, you spent a lot of time doing each other but not getting much else done. After a while, though, you decided to finally unpack the few things you had taken with you. To be fair, it wouldn’t take too long and your things would not take much space either, seeing as you only had the bare essentials. You might as well start a blog on minimalism, at this rate. At least, you wouldn’t spend too much time choosing what to wear, your options being somewhat limited. 

Last chance to reconsider this whole me moving in thing, you said playfully as you opened your suitcase. 

Not a chance, he chuckled before kissing your cheek. 

Do you think you can spare a drawer in your closet for my stuff ? You asked. 

No need, he shrugged. You can have a whole closet. The house came with his and hers. 

Fancy, you giggled. Although, I would have thought your centipede ass would have taken over the second one for your sneakers… 

I did, he chuckled. But I freed up the space the day after we arrived, while you were sleeping like a baby. 

You’re the best. Although we can definitely share the space, I literally only need a drawer, you said as you pointed to your suitcase. 

I guess you’re going to have to shop, he said with a smile. 

I will, when I have a job, you said. 

Why wait ? He asked. 

Money, you shrugged. 

He rolled his eyes and handed you his credit card. You looked at him without taking it, waiting for him to put it back in his pocket. He stared back, not moving. It was like a silent argument. He had told you before that he was intent on taking care of you in every way possible, but you had your pride and there was no way in hell that you would shop with his hard earned money. You were already moving into his giant house, coming back from an expensive holiday in Europe that he had paid for, wearing a watch and a bracelet that, combined, probably cost more than what you had made in the past year. 

Just take it, he finally said. 

Put that back, you said. I can wait. 

You barely have enough clothes to go through a washing cycle, he pointed out. 

I’ll just borrow yours, then, you playfully retorted. Or walk around naked. But I am not taking advantage of your money. 

I kind of like the idea of having you walk around the house naked, he replied with a smirk. And you know I love it when you wear my stuff. But seriously, you don’t have to be so noble. It’s no big deal. 

I’m not a kept woman. And there is no way I will act like a trophy girlfriend and have you pay for my stuff. All of this is already too much, you said as you gestured around you. 

Technically, it would benefit me too, you know ? He pointed out. I like undressing you. Let’s not underestimate the importance of wrapping paper around the present… 

And what would the ideal wrapping paper look like ? You asked. 

Lingerie, obviously, he giggled. I like the lacy stuff. Can I confess something ? 

Go ahead, you chuckled. 

You know, the black lace bodysuit you wore in the picture that leaked last year ? He asked. It drove me absolutely crazy. I deleted the picture, out of respect for you, but I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been in a few dreams of mine. 

Oh really ? You asked playfully. Too bad I don’t have it anymore. 

You have no idea what I would do to you if I saw you wear this thing, he said. 

I’ll put it on my list, then, you said with a wink. 

Or you could buy it right now, he said as he waved his card in front of your face. As a congratulation present for the album’s success ? Or early Christmas ? And let’s not forget that Thanksgiving is just around the corner, so, really… 

You couldn’t help but giggle. He reminded you of a kid asking their parents for a new video game. He was making puppy eyes at you, batting his eyelashes and whispering “please, please, please ?”. You rolled your eyes and ended up caving in. “Fine, you said. Only lingerie, though.”, you mumbled. Without a second of hesitation, he grabbed your iPad. For someone who often played dumb when it came to technology, he was incredibly proficient. In a couple of seconds, he had ten tabs open on various lingerie websites. He had a fancy taste in lingerie and definitely had a lot of ideas on what he would like you to wear, leading you to think he had given it some thought for a while. What initially started in a search for one lacy black bodysuit ended up in Marshall adding tons of things to the cart because “shipping is an ecological disaster so you might as well make the most of it”. At some point, you were sure that there were less items in a full Victoria’s Secret fashion show and you hoped for his sake that he had invested in Agent Provocateur, because the bill was going up insanely fast, with each click. He seemed like a kid in a candy store and was absolutely unstoppable. 

Babe, I don’t think I need a bodychain that looks like a butterfly, you pointed out with a giggle. 

I like accessories, he chuckled. 

They do have beautiful things, you admitted. Like, those rose gold rope handcuffs… 

You’re into that ? He asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. 

No, you said shyly. I mean, yes, but… well… 

No need to blush, he said. I’m adding these to the cart. Just in case… Oh, look, they have a matching choker. 

When you thought you were done, once the order was placed, he started arguing that you would need at least one pair of heels to go with it, just to complete the look and you didn’t even have time to answer before he started browsing Louboutin’s website. At that point, trying to reason with him was a lost cause. Plus, if you were honest, he did have good taste. 

You realize you just spent the equivalent of the gross domestic product of some countries, simply on stuff you want to ravish me in, right ? You pointed out. 

As a businessman, I’d say it’s an investment, he said with a smirk. 

As a rational person, I’m tempted to ask how this little investment would bring some actual profit, you giggled. 

That’s actually really simple, he said. That’s an investment in our relationship, which is important to my work-life balance, hence my creativity. 

Almost a fair point, you conceded. 

Plus, I think I could base a whole album on your body and all the things I’m doing to you once we receive that package, he chuckled. So if it goes well, it might pay for our next vacation… 

I swear to God, Marshall, if I hear one reference to our sex life in a song… 

One ? He said with a grin. Babe, it’ll be at least four or five… 

I’m serious, you said sternly. 

We’ll see, he replied with a wink. 

You thoroughly enjoyed having Marshall with you while you got used to the house. It was a far cry from your fancy holidays in Europe. Of course, discovering cities, eating at restaurants and staying at luxury hotels was nice, but this felt more real, more domestic. You also liked the fact that, in spite of his obvious wealth, the house had an actual family feel to it, far from what a lot of real people showcased on Instagram or Architectural Digest videos. The place was actually lived in, filled with memories and it had a nice vibe to it. Most people probably wouldn’t expect one of the world’s most famous rappers to live in a place like this, but once you got to know Marshall, it sort of made sense. The house was secluded and located in a gated community - for obvious reasons - and it was impressive in size, for sure, but it wasn’t flashy by any means. The furniture was all about quality but unassuming, with a nice cozy feel to it, with comfortable chairs and sofas, as well as spaces designed to have people over and entertain. The perfect nook for someone who actually spent a lot of time at home. You had never thought you’d live in such a place but you were happy you ended up here. Not that it mattered too much anyway, since you were sure you could be happy anywhere as long as you had Marshall by your side. After a few days, it was time for your boyfriend to go back to work and you’d be left alone in the house for the first time. The night before, as you were laying  in bed, the two of you were talking about his upcoming projects. Now that he was no longer in album recording mode, it would change a tad from what you had witnessed. He would spend as much time « in the lab », as he put it, but he would have more people over and prioritize his work as a producer for a bit. He seemed genuinely excited to go back to work, especially since he hadn’t indulged in such a long break in almost a decade. 

Three weeks off is rare for me, he chuckled. My team almost freaked out when I told them I needed this much time off, at first. 

Why did you, by the way ? You asked. 

I figured I would need a lot of rest after the tour, he explained. It was a short one but it was intense and, since I don’t perform as much as I used to, it’s harder on the body. Plus, I was still very much heartbroken over a certain someone… 

I’m sorry, you said sheepishly. 

Don’t be. All is well in the end, right ? I got my much-needed break, I have the most amazing woman back in my arms, we got to travel together and you even moved in ! I wouldn’t have it any other way, he said as he looked at you lovingly. 

They’re going to have you back in a good mood, you giggled. 

I’m pretty sure I’ll turn back into my usual bitchy self as soon as I get back, he chuckled. Doesn’t help that we’re starting with a full day of meetings, too… 

What meetings ? You asked, feeling curious. 

Bunch of them, he shrugged. One to plan the next months ahead, review the collaboration requests we’ve got, one about potential performance dates, a meeting with a journalist for an interview… oh and another one with Tracy. 

As soon as you heard her name leave his lips, you couldn’t help but grimace, which did not escape his notice. He chuckled and kissed your forehead. Since you had gone on vacation, you hadn’t mentioned her. To be fair, you were so busy that you had momentarily forgotten about her existence - which was not the worst thing. The mere mention of her was enough to make you groan and you had to put in a lot of effort not to have a mental image of her kissing your boyfriend the very day before you got back with him. Obviously, neither she nor Marshall had medium powers so they couldn’t have planned that you’d get back together but still… it irked you. You did not want that woman anywhere near Marshall. Especially since he had told you she had confessed to hoping they would get back together. He had given her a few weeks to sort her feelings out and decide on whether or not they would keep on working together, leaving the choice up to her. Your boyfriend was definitely a class act and a gentleman. Now, you secretly hoped she would quit. A shameful feeling you would never confess to having, of course. 

Stop clenching your jaw like that, it’s bad for you, Marshall chuckled as he traced your jaw with his fingers. 

I’m not clenching, you groaned. 

You totally are, he said with a smile. You still hate her don’t you ? 

Me ? Hate her ? You asked. I don’t hate her. Do I like her ? No. Do I hope she stubs her toe on some piece of furniture every morning for the rest of her life ? Maybe. But I don’t hate her. 

You’re so petty, he chortled. It’s hilarious. 

You mean pretty, right ? 

I said what I said, he chuckled as he kissed your temple. You know you don’t have anything to worry about, though, right ? 

I know, you said. I just have to shake the feeling. It’ll pass. 

I hope so, he replied. If she keeps on working as my personal assistant, you might run into her from time to time. I don’t want it to be weird. 

I can be civil, you assured him. As long as she keeps her hands off you. 

Territorial, much ? He teased you. 

You’re mine, you said. 

Yours, he said with a nod before kissing you tenderly. 

You settled in his arms as he turned off the lights and you put a hand over his perfect chest before drifting off to sleep. When you woke up the next day, he was already gone. You found a sweet note on your nightstand, telling you to enjoy having the house to yourself and that he would come home at 5:30PM. You missed him already but decided to make the most of your first day with some intensive self care. It was Monday so Talia was at work, otherwise you would have told her to come over for a girls day. Still, being on your own wasn’t going to prevent you from pampering yourself and trying to be pretty for your man when he would come back from work. You started with a bath, taking some time to do a full body scrub, some hair care and a face mask. One of the many perks of the house was the bathroom adjacent to the master bedroom, which was basically like a home spa. You could definitely get used to this life… you were getting dressed when the doorbell rang. It felt weird answering the door, but it was your new home after all. It was actually the delivery of your package from Agent Provocateur, and it was a huge one. As soon as you got it, you brought it to your closet and started unboxing. You had always liked lingerie but so far the most expensive stuff you had ever bought was probably from Victoria’s Secret or Princess Tam Tam, as well as a few Aubade pieces (on sale). This was different. It felt insanely sexy and luxurious and, to be honest, you weren’t too sure you deserved to be wearing such garments. Still, now that all this stuff was in your closet, you might as well wear it, so you decided to try it on. You were unsure whether it was the expensive fabrics and accessories adorning your body or your extensive pampering session from earlier, but you were absolutely feeling yourself. As you examined yourself in the mirror, you couldn’t help but think you looked great, which was quite a feat. Ever since you had lost weight, you had had trouble appreciating your body. You had always been on the curvier side and you had learned to love your body like this. So liking a skinnier version of your body was a bit hard. Still, the lingerie worked wonders. You tried on a few pieces and wished Marshall could be there to see it, sure that he would gladly enjoy the view, rather than being stuck in meetings with Paul, Tracy and God knows who else… That's when you had an idea : you might as well show him what was waiting for him at home when he would get back. Plus, it would also serve as a reminder that he might have a personal assistant, but you were the woman who was deserving of his attention. You didn’t actually worry about him being unfaithful, you fully trusted him, but you still had your doubts about whether or not Tracy would try and flirt with him. You barely knew the woman after all. As you tried on lingerie set after lingerie set, you snapped a few pictures and ended up having a little fun photo shoot. God bless good iPhone cameras, mirrors and timers. With a bit of color editing, the pictures looked even better. You sent one to Marshall, with the caption : « Good luck for your meetings. Miss you already. Can’t wait for you to be home ❤️ ».  Within a few minutes, he answered. 

From M❤️ : Can’t wait to be home either. Better not be wearing anything else when I get back. 

You chuckled and decided to tease him a little more, with pictures of other sets. You were curious to know what his favorite one was. There were so many options, from cute and simple bras with matching panties to more intricate things with corsets or garter belts…  

From M❤️ : Got told off by Paul for not paying attention. You’re getting me in trouble… 

To M❤️ : oops. Sorry for distracting you, my love. I’ll go and put some ugly sweats right away 👀 

From M❤️ : don’t you dare. 

You giggled and carried on with your little picture-taking, sending him the best ones. He didn’t reply much, but at least you knew he enjoyed it. It was the middle of the afternoon and you were casually chilling in the bedroom, in your finest lingerie with music playing loud on a portable speaker you had found in the living room. Not too bad for a Monday. You had just taken a cute selfie and we’re trying to edit it when you felt a presence. Before you could turn and check, you felt a hand firmly grasping your waist. You let out a scream of terror before another hand covered your mouth and you heard a giggle in your ear. It was Marshall. You immediately relaxed and turned to face him. 

You scared me ! You whined. 

I yelled at you but your music was too loud, he said with a grin before turning off the speaker. 

I thought I was being attacked, for a second ! 

Babe, it’s a gated community with security and cameras everywhere, you’re safe, he chuckled. Believe me, if my paranoid ass feels safe, it is safe. 

You giggled and kissed him before checking the time on your phone. It was 3:45PM. You looked at him in disbelief. You definitely didn’t expect him home this early, not that you were going to complain. 

Aren’t you supposed to be at work ? You asked. 

Called off the last two meetings, he said with a smile. If anyone asks, I’m feeling under the weather. Couldn’t focus anyway. I wonder why that is… 

Oops, you said as you blushed a bit. Am I in trouble ? 

Depends, he chuckled. Do I get to see more pictures ? 

You really suck at negotiating, you giggled. You could ask for a runway show and all you want are lousy pics ? 

He smiled and firmly grabbed your waist to pull you in for a deep kiss. His hands wandered around your body as your tongues found each other. 

You look incredible, he complimented. Your pictures drove me crazy. 

Glad to know there’s a way to get you to get back early, you said teasingly. I’ll remember that. 

I’ll be in trouble if that happens too much, he chuckled. But please feel free to send more of these pics… 

He pulled you closer and you could feel him being rock hard through his jeans. Knowing you were the cause gave you quite the ego boost and you felt quite proud. You kissed him and ran your hands on his chest. Even when he was wearing a tee-shirt, you could see the outline of his pecs and it was enough to drive you crazy. You gently squeezed one pec and he leaned into your touch while one of his hands cupped your butt cheek. 

So… do I get my runway show ? He asked with a smirk. 

Only because I’m a good girl and I don’t want to get in trouble, you said with a wink. 

You proceeded to try on a few of the items you hadn’t tried yet. The first was a black bodysuit with a lace up back, which wasn’t showing much but was giving glamorous vibes. The second was an opulent set with black lace and dainty chains, completed with a black waspie. As soon as he saw you, Marshall’s eyes widened. His mouth was slightly agape while he was staring. 

Do you like it ? You asked with a smile. 

You’re perfect, he said. These were fucking made for you. I think that’s my favorite set right here. 

Is it ? You asked teasingly. I should take a pic, so that I can send it to you next time you’re in a meeting… so you can remember me. 

I’ll take it for you, he said with a smirk as he grabbed your phone. 

You got on the bed and posed for him as he smiled and tried to take a decent shot, trying different angles. You teased him and bit your lip while you ran your hands over your breast, gently pinching your nipples through the fabric. 

You’re so hot, he groaned. I swear I could film you… 

You can do it, you said flirtingly. 

Are you serious ? He asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Sure, why not, you nodded as you kept on stroking your breast and caressing the rest of your own body, teasing him with your eyes. 

His blue eyes were devouring you and you absolutely loved it. His look was one of pure adoration, mixed with desire. This prompted you to put on a little show for him. You sat at the edge of the bed and started touching yourself on top of the lacy underwear that was covering you. Your fingers circled your clit and you could feel just how wet you were, simply from knowing how aroused Marshall was. You kept on looking him in the eyes as you pleasured yourself. He was still holding the phone, staring at you, while his free hand was mindlessly palming his crotch. You looked at him with a devilish grin and walked to him before dropping on your knees. 

What are y-? He began asking. 

Shhhh. Just keep filming and enjoy, you said with a smirk. 

You unbuckled his belt and managed to get him out of his pants and boxers. You stroked his erection, your touch making him sigh in pleasure. Precum was already dripping from the tip and you couldn’t resist licking it, gently teasing the head of his cock with your tongue as you kept on stroking him. His hand that wasn’t holding the phone went to the back of your head, gently encouraging you to keep going and you took that as you cue to start sucking, which caused him to moan and slur a few obscenities. You weren’t sure if it was the camera pointed at you, his unusually vocal response or the lingerie that had you feeling so confident, but you loved it. You stared at him as you kept on sucking him, trying to take him in as much as you could. He started bucking his hips while praising you for taking him so well. You had a bit of a gag reflex but kept going until the tip of your nose was touching his pubes. Tears were welling in your eyes but you loved hearing him moan. It was music to your ears. His hips started thrusting faster as the hold he had on your head tightened. You weren’t sure you could keep going for long and, for the briefest of moments, you were almost scared that you were going to choke. He stopped and looked at you, phone still in hand. 

Bed. All fours. Now, he said. 

Yes sir, you giggled playfully before doing as he said. 

Hold this for me, he said as he handed you the phone so that he could shed the rest of his clothes. 

When he was completely naked, he grabbed a condom from the nightstand and put it on before taking the phone back as he pushed your thong aside and positioned himself at your entrance. You let out a gasp when he entered you and immediately started moving at a frantic pace. Unlike most of the time, he did not give you time to get used to his size but you did not really mind - you liked the roughness. His hand was firmly holding your hip, his fingers slightly digging in your skin. In this instant, you belonged to him and you were his to use as he pleased. He was pounding hard into you as you moaned his name, tears still rolling on your cheeks from trying to deepthroat a few minutes earlier. 

Fuck it, he groaned. 

You heard a “plop”, it was your phone being carelessly thrown onto the bed and bouncing God knows where. Marshall’s now free hand found your waist. He was now firmly holding you, thrusting like a piston. 

I-I’m coming, you warned. 

Yes baby, he groaned. Come for me. 

You both exploded in an orgasm at the same time and Marshall collapsed onto you, letting out a small grunt as his head hit your shoulder. You stayed in the unlikely position for a couple of minutes, taking the opportunity to catch your breath. You were panting and you could feel his strong heartbeat in your back. You buried your face in the sheets and enjoyed the warmth of his breath on your skin. 

You are fucking incredible, he said. 

You too, you said. God, that was so intense. 

Too much ? He asked. 

Just enough, you said with a smile. Perfect. You know I like it a little rough. 

You’re also a little kinky, he pointed out. 

Maybe, you admitted with a giggle. 

He placed a small kiss on your shoulder and changed position so that he could properly lay next to you. He looked at you with a soft smile and placed a strand of hair behind your ear. You couldn’t resist kissing him. 

You are so hot, he said. I swear to God, I have never, ever been more turned on by anyone. 

Really ? You grinned. 

God, the pics, actually seeing you wear this, and then filming you ?! Babe, you are… wow, he said. 

I guess I was feeling a little frisky today, you giggled. 

I’ve noticed, he said with a grin. What got into you ? 

I don’t know, you shrugged. I mean… the lingerie got me feeling all sexy and… I always wanted to try filming, so… 

Really ? He asked. 

I mean… yeah, I was curious, you admitted. What ? Do you think it’s weird ? 

No, he shrugged. Not at all. You’re just a little kinkier than I thought, I guess. Not that I’m complaining. 

I guess I am kinky, you said with a smile.

He let out a small laugh as he stretched and got rid of the condom before laying back on the bed. 

What ? You asked, worrying that he might be making fun of you. 

Nothing. It’s just kind of funny. I guess you don’t really come across as the kinky type, you know ? When I met you there was no way I would have thought you enjoyed being filmed and stuff. 

Do I look that vanilla ? 

Frankly ? Yes, he laughed. But hey, I love your kinky side too. It’s a pleasant surprise. Makes me wonder what else turns you on. I realize there’s a shit ton I don’t know about you. 

It’s true, I haven’t been too daring in bed, so far, you admitted. 

Why ? He asked. Didn’t you feel comfortable enough with me ? 

It’s not that. I guess I wasn’t in the mood for kinky stuff at that particular time ? You tried to explain. I mean, getting to sleep with you is enough for me. I enjoy vanilla sex just as much. 

He hummed in response, still staring at you. As if he was waiting for you to elaborate. 

It’s true - we’ve been pretty vanilla so far, he said. 

How about you ? You asked. Any kinks you want to tell me about ? 

Hey. We were talking about yours. Don’t change the subject, he said. 

Are you feeling uneasy ? You asked. 

Maybe a little, he admitted. 

We don’t have to have that conversation if you don’t want to, you said as you kissed his jaw. 

Oh but I do want to have it, he said. I want to know about you. Go first and maybe I’ll tell you about me, he added with a grin. 

Let’s see… I feel like that’s pretty basic you know ? I like it rough but I don’t know if it registers as a kink ? Maybe it does. I mean… I’ve never really got to take it as far as I want to, so, I don’t know, you said. I haven’t had too many partners, and I’ve never felt confident enough to try all the things I want to. 

Really ? 

Yeah. I mean, it takes a certain amount of comfort in a relationship, you said. 

I guess, he admitted. 

Plus, you know, I had my first boyfriend when I was 18, and he is the first person I ever slept with. It lasted about three years and we never tried anything crazy. Then there was Simon. We were together for a while but we didn’t explore much. It was mostly light spanking, hair-pulling, but that’s all. Then Josh, but we didn’t do much. And then… you. 

How far did you go with Josh ? 

Foreplay, you said. 

He hummed, his eyes darkening. 

What ? You asked, I answer, you said. 

That motherfucker, Marshall commented. 

You really hated him, didn’t you ? You asked. 

Hate is a strong word, he said. But yeah, I wasn’t his biggest fan. He didn’t deserve you. 

He was nice and caring, you pointed out. That’s more than a lot of dudes. 

He was kind of stupid and he put you in danger, Marshall said flatly as he referred to the salsa bar incident that had led you to the hospital. 

You know it wasn’t his fault, you said as you rolled your eyes. I think you’re being a bit jealous here. 

Maybe I am, he admitted. I must say it was not the most fun time for me, when you dated him. I was trying hard not to be all over you, and he was the one who got to kiss you, take you on dates and everything. 

You are the one who got the girl in the end, you reminded him, which caused him to smile. 

The kinky girl, he added. Let’s not get lost here… I want to know stuff. So… slept with three people and that’s it ? 

Well, no. I only dated three people before you. I did sleep with a couple more people though. Girls actually. 

Oh I didn't know you liked girls, he said surprised. 

Yeah, I’m bi. I never dated a girl though. They’re too impressive, you said with a laugh. Men are easier to get, I think. 

Have you ever had a threesome ? He asked. 

That’s on my « list » but no, never. I’d be into that, though, you admitted. Any type of threesome. Or more than that, who knows ? But yeah, I think it could be fun. And I wouldn’t want to die stupid and ignorant you know ? 

Right, he chuckled. Though I must admit that in my opinion, it’s a bit overhyped. 

You’ve had threesomes ? 

A bunch of times, yeah, he shrugged. I mean, I get a lot of opportunities on tour. I’ve had threesomes, foursomes, moresomes… 

You looked at him with curiosity. You figured that, given his age and occupation, he must have had a lot of experiences, but you didn’t really know how far he had taken it. You were kind of curious and there were a lot of questions you wanted to ask. 

Did you enjoy it ? You asked. 

I mean… Yeah, he said. That was a point in my life when I wanted to get all the pussy I could, so in that regard, that was fun. Though there’s something about the logistics. Threesomes are fine but when there’s more people or an actual orgy, there’s a lot going on at the same time so you can’t really focus, you know what I mean ? But yeah, that was exciting. I mean, I did get a lot of opportunities and propositions, a while ago. 

I bet you still do, you said. 

Not really, he chuckled. I mean, with the level of security that I have, it’s hard to get to me anyway so there’s not a lot of people who can actually proposition me, you know ? Back in the day, we were more lenient with security and letting people hang out with us after shows. But regardless, my interest in that is different. 

You’re still a regular horndog, you giggled. 

True, he said with a smile. But getting sober made a big difference when it comes to my approach to sex and intimacy in general. 

I have so many questions, you said. 

Me first, he reminded you. 

Fine, you said as you rolled your eyes. What do you want to know ? 

Mmmh… How rough do you mean, when you say you like it rough ? Marshall asked. 

I don’t know, you said. I haven’t tested a lot of things yet, so I think I’d like to push my limits and test stuff. I wouldn’t necessarily want to get punched in the face, but being shoved against a wall, the ground and roughhousing ? Yes, absolutely. 

Ok, he said with a nod as if he was making a mental note. What else ? 

Let’s see… Well I wanted to try being filmed and we did that, so I guess we can cross that off my list… 

You’d never done that before ? He asked. 

Never. 

He smiled at you with pride and his grin made you scoff. Male ego at its peak. 

I wouldn’t say I’m into exhibition, but I wouldn’t mind trying stuff in public either, you added. I think the fear of getting caught can be really exciting. Other than that there’s… uh… submission. 

Really ? He asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Yeah, you confessed shyly. I think it’s really really hot when your partner takes control. Especially of you’re the partner. 

You could feel the heat in your cheeks and you were pretty sure your face was crimson red at this point, but there was something about Marshall, his aura, his natural charisma, his voice that called to your submissive nature. It had never been the case with anyone else, only him. 

Me ? He asked with a smirk. 

Oh yeah, you admitted. When you get that deep voice… ? God… 

You got lost in your thoughts for a second. The mere idea of Marshall domineering you was turning you on. 

Keep going, he said. I want to know more. 

I think that’s it, actually, you said with a smile. I mean, I haven’t done a lot of research either. I just want to explore stuff and have fun. 

I guess we might be able to try some stuff together, if you’re up for it, he said before kissing you. 

Really ? You asked in excitement. 

Sure, he chuckled. I mean, I wouldn’t consider myself like much of a dominant, but if you wanted me to try, I might give it a go. 

Ok, you said softly. 

The idea of being able to explore sexuality and furthering your intimacy made you really happy. You had never felt so safe with any of your partners before. You trusted this man with all of your heart and soul. 

What else would you be willing to try ? You asked giddily. 

What was on the list again ? He asked. 

Hum… Threesomes ? I mean, you’ve done it before so it wouldn’t be anything new to you, you said. 

I don’t know about this one, he admitted. 

Oh, ok, you said. 

I mean, I’m not sure how I feel about sharing you, he explained. Given the right opportunity and person, it’s not a firm and definitive no, but… Yeah, I don’t know. But threesomes can be fun, for sure. 

Ok, you agreed. That makes sense. But if it were to happen, like, hypothetically, you’d rather have it be with another woman, right ? 

Absolutely, he said. I’m definitely straight and I understand that a woman might want to have two men with her but… No way I’m sharing you with another dude. Not happening. Sorry babe. 

That’s fine, you giggled. Just testing the water here. So, when you had threesomes and all, it was just girls ? 

Yep, he chuckled. My ex is bi so she would have girls over and that’s how it would happen, most of the time. 

You were in an open marriage ? You asked. 

Not really, he chuckled. Though there was so much cheating that it might as well have been an open marriage, I guess. Let’s just say I was more lenient if she hooked up with girls and especially if it could benefit me as well… 

Ok, you said with a smile. My turn, now ? 

Fire away, he said. 

Are you sure you’re straight ? You asked cockily. Like, have you ever been with a man ? 

I have, he said casually. 

Really ?! 

You were in shock. You definitely weren’t expecting that and your question was actually a joke. You didn’t have a problem with it, obviously, but seeing as he had been portrayed as homophobic in the past, you didn’t think he would have given it a try. 

Can I ask questions about that ? You asked. 

I guess, he shrugged. I mean, I don’t think I have really talked about it but I trust you so, yeah, go ahead. But there’s nothing to say, really. 

When was it ? 

Uh… Twenty years ago, I’d say ? He replied after taking some time to think. So, yeah, it was a while ago. When I performed with Elton John at the Grammys… 

NOOOOOO ?! You almost yelled. 

Your mouth was wide open and you were almost in shock. Had your boyfriend really slept with Elton John ?!?! He immediately burst into a fit of laughter, so much so that he was actually crying. 

You should see your face, he said as he tried to catch his breath. Fuck, you’re so gullible, babe. 

You’ve been leading me on, haven’t you ? You asked with a grin. You’ve never tried guys. 

Oh no, that part was true, he chuckled. It happened after the Grammys but it wasn’t with Elton. He’s great, he’s a friend but it wasn’t him. I don’t think I remember the guy’s name though. In my defense, I was high. 

So, what happened ? You asked. Hooked up with a guy and didn’t like it ? 

Basically, yeah, he said. The guy looked good and I though “If I ever have to be attracted by a man, I think that would be someone like this”, so when he flirted and made a pass at me, I went for it. He was cool and an ok kisser, but the hookup was a disaster. If you can even call it that. I was fucking high but that sobered me up and I knew right then and there : straight. 1000%. 

At least you know for sure, you giggled. 

Exactly, he chuckled. Next question ? 

Do you have any kinks ? 

Not so many, he said. I’ve tried a lot of stuff, out of curiosity and for the sake of experience but I’m not into freaky, kinky stuff. I’m a simple man. But I suppose it depends on what you call a kink ? 

I don’t even know, you giggled. I should have done my research if I had known I’d get to quiz you. 

Find a list and I’ll tell you whether or not I’m into it, he shrugged. 

You grabbed your phone and took the first list you found - there went the purity of your web browser. 

Age play ? Like “daddy-dominant-little-girl” ? 

Absolutely not. Being called daddy in bed is a huge turn-off. Maybe it’s a Dad thing, I don’t know. Not to kink-shame but I think it’s sort of twisted you know ? He said. 

You have called me “babygirl” before though, you pointed out with a smile. 

Yeah but I don’t see it in the same way. Probably a double-standard he admitted. 

Let’s see… Bondage ? You asked. 

I don’t mind it. It can be fun but not a necessity. 

Blindfold sex ? 

Hate it, he said. I love being able to look at my partner. I think I’m pretty visual when it comes to sex. As for blindfolding people… maybe. Once again, it can be fun once in a while. 

So no blindfolding you, you noted. Cuckholding ? 

Is that shit alphabetised ? He asked with a laugh. Cuckholding is a no for me. First, because I don’t do humiliation, secondly because I’m not big on sharing. 

Yes it’s alphabetised, you smiled. 

I do enjoy that. I know it’s not a kink but I like things in order. 

Good to know, you chuckled. Claustrophilia ? 

It depends. I’ve had sex in elevators, closets and airplane bathrooms, so I think it counts. You ? 

Never thought of it but I’m not against it, you said with a wink. 

Good to know. Glad I can easily get a jet for us to try that, too…

You chuckled once again. You liked learning more about him. 

Dominance we have already talked about… how about DIY porn ? You asked. That’s the next item on the list. 

Didn’t we just do that ? He asked back. 

Yeah but how did you feel about it ? 

It was fun. I’m not even sure I did a great job with the filming though. But I guess it’ll be fun to have the video as a memory if i’m ever away from you and horny, he stated. 

Electrostimulation ? 

Nope.

Erotic Asphyxiation ? 

They could have put that in the B section under “Breathplay” he commented. I don’t really like being choked but if you want me to do it to you, sure. Safely, of course. 

Both his alphabetical comment and the statement made you smile. 

Foot fetish ? 

Nope. A girl asked me to try that once but I didn’t like it. 

Food play ? 

It can be fun but I’m not big on it. Next ? 

Gagging ? 

Not for me, no. You ? 

No thanks, you said. I don’t really mind if I gag a little during a blowjob, though. But not voluntarily. 

I do like the idea of making you gag with my cock, he confessed with a little grin. Next ? 

Gerontophilia ? 

Nothing against the elderly but that’s not a kink for me, he said. But I’m sure I’ll find you sexy as fuck when you’re an old lady though. 

Thanks, you laughed. We’ve covered humiliation already… how about impact play ? Like hitting ? 

I don’t really want to be hit or spanked, he said. You ? 

I think I’d like to try, you said. I’ve been spanked before but I’d gladly try more. 

As long as I’m not physically hurting you…, he said. 

You could see a hint of sadness in his eyes. 

Are you alright ? You asked immediately. 

Yeah, no, I’m good, he said dryly. I just… well we might as well talk about it… 

What’s wrong ? We can stop this conversation if you’re not ok, baby, you said. 

It’s fine, he said. It’s just… in the past, Kim and I got physical a couple of times. I mean, you probably know about that, because of the media and I’ve written songs about it. It’s never been to a point where I was actually beating her down, but we’ve definitely hit each other a number of times. But thinking about that… it’s hard because it’s one of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made, you know ? That’s not the person I want to be. 

That’s not the person you are either, you said softly. You wouldn’t hurt a fly. 

I’d rather kill myself than hurt you, he stated in all seriousness.

You looked at him and his stern expression. You gently stroked his hand. 

I trust you and I know you’ll never hurt me, you said. 

You don’t think I’m an asshole who deserves hell for what I’ve done ? He asked pensively. 

I don’t. I mean, I’ll never condone domestic violence and if you ever lay a hand on me in circumstances that aren’t sexual, I’ll leave, that’s for sure. I’ll never say it’s ok that you hit your ex, but it’s also in the past and I know you have changed. So I trust you and I don’t think you deserve to suffer. I can see on your face that you suffer enough from the memories. 

I deserve to, he said sternly. 

Sorry, you said. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have brought up impact play. If it triggers you, we’ll never try it. 

If you want to try, maybe we can keep it on the soft side, he said. But yeah… I don’t think I’d be ready to really hit you too hard. Even if you begged for it. 

We can stop the list there, if you want, you said. I mean… I love talking about that with you but I’d be happy to just cuddle and go to bed, you know ? 

Nah, it’s good. Keep the list going. I like learning stuff about you, he said with a smile. 

Ok, so… interrogation play ? 

Not really. 

Japanese bondage like shibari ? 

Not my stuff either. I get the hype but it’s too intricate and I don’t have time for that shit, he said with a grin. It’s really sexy to see though. 

Klismaphilia ? You asked. 

What the fuck even is that ? He asked laughingly. 

It’s Greek and it means… oh… it’s enemas. 

Ah. Then no. Absolutely not, he said. 

Me neither. How about Katoptronophilia ? It’s masturbating in front of a mirror. 

Nope. 

How about masochism ? You asked. 

Down to M already ? No, I'm not a masochist. 

Reading the description I might be into that, you commented. It’s enjoying pain so… maybe I’m a bit of a masochist after all, you shrugged. 

Yeah ? Well as I said… as long as I don’t mistreat you… I guess I can pull your hair and spank you gently, he said with a smile. 

Sounds fine, you said with a smile. Next on the list is… Melolagnia, you added with a grin. I think I’ve just discovered a new kink of mine. 

What is that ? 

I’ll read it to you : “ Melolagnia is a fetish that involves being turned on by music. This doesn’t simply mean having a go-to Spotify playlist when you have sex, but rather experiencing strong sexual reactions in response to music and also fantasizing about certain songs or genres. The arousal can derive from a combination of the musical elements including the singer’s voice, beat, repetition, or even the quality of the composition, all of which can lead to physical sensations like goosebumps, a faster heartbeat, or even more natural sexual lubrication.” You quoted. 

Oh wow. Didn’t know that existed, he said. But yeah music turns me on. You ? 

Oh, definitely, you said blushing and attempting to hide your face. 

Why are you suddenly so red and looking away ? He asked with a grin. Any songs I should know about ? 

Shut up, you muttered. 

Come on, Y/N. Tell me. 

No. You’ll never let me live it down, you said. 

As long as it’s not MGK, that should be fine, he joked. 

Come on… 

Tell me ! What ? Is it an artist I’ve had beef with ? Mariah ? Christina Aguilera ? Ja Rule ? Please don’t say Ja Rule… 

I’m not having this conversation, you said, embarrassed. 

Now that I know you like domination, I can make you talk, woman, he said as he put a finger underneath your chin. 

You wouldn’t, you mumbled. 

Try me. 

Your eyes met his. He stared at you. 

Tell me, he said in his deep, authoritarian voice. 

“Not fair”, you thought, definitely turned on but unable to speak. 

Do I know them ?

You nodded. 

Is it a friend of mine ? Dre ? 50 ? He asked as you were unable to make a sound. Then who ? Tell. Me. 

There went the voice again. 

It’s… you. 

You spoke so softly, hoping he wouldn’t catch it. Unfortunately for you, he did. 

Ah, he said with a grin, trying not to laugh. 

Don’t judge me, you muttered. 

Well it depends… is there a song in particular ? He asked softly. 

Do we have to have this conversation ? You asked as you rolled your eyes. 

Come on babe, it’s fun. And it’s flattering. I’m glad you think my music can be sexy. 

Marshaaaaall…

Please ? 

He was looking at you with adorable puppy eyes. 

Fine, you grumbled. Superman. And Heat, too. You happy ? 

You hid your face in your hands in embarrassment. You heard him scoff and he gently kissed your shoulder. 

Come on, it’s fine. It’s not as if you had said FACK, you know ? Then I probably would have laughed in your face. But Superman… ? I sort of get it. I mean, it’s kind of the intention we had when we recorded. Heat too. I mean, it’s in the title. So it’s fine, babe. 

You don’t think I’m a weird groupie ? You asked. 

Of course not. I think you’re the cutest thing ever, right now. And I can definitely sing those for you sometime, he said with a grin. Let’s just not play one of my albums while we fuck, ok ? I’m not that much of an egomaniac. 

Mmmh. 

Let’s get back to the list, he said as he took the phone from your hand. So… Nylons ? No. Nebulophilia - steam and fog ? Neither. Oh… objectum sexuality. You like toys ? 

I have a couple, you admitted. You ? 

Yeah, a couple too. Though I don’t use them much. But we could definitely have fun with that, he said. 

Sure, why not.  What’s next ? 

Uh… pregnancy fetish. 

Well I’m attracted to women but not pregnant ones, you stated. I get that the creation of life can be beautiful and stuff, but they look like aliens to me. 

Yeah ? Well I have to admit… I don’t want anymore kids because I’m all done with that and too old for that shit anyway but… yeah, I think pregnancy is sexy, he admitted. I mean, I sort of have a breeding kink.

Really ? You asked in shock. 

Yep. Never been more attracted to my ex than when she was pregnant, he said. 

Was that because she was carrying your baby ? You asked. 

No, not even that. I mean, that plays a big part in the appreciation, but Stevie isn’t technically mine and still, when Kim was pregnant with her… I found her so hot. 

Ok, you said. 

You’d had the kids' conversation before and you were ready to give that up, but him saying that kind of made you regret the fact that you’d never be pregnant anymore. 

You ok baby ? He asked when you went silent. 

Sure, you said softly. I’m just thinking… I’ll never get pregnant again, so… I’ll never get to experience this kind of attraction from you to me, you know ? 

Doesn’t matter, baby. I’m always attracted to you. You’re my kink and fetish, you yourself, he said. 

Yeah ? You asked. 

Of course. Plus, I may have a pregnancy fetish but it’s not that much. Like, I’m not going to jump on every pregnant lady I see like some sort of creep. And I’m not crazy to the point of dealing with 20 years of consequences for 9 months of kink. 

Makes sense, you chuckled. So if my belly gets too round because of pizza, that’ll turn you on ? 

I don’t know, he said as he burst out in laughter. Probably not though. I like your belly just the way it is. 

Ok then. Next item ? 

Public sex, he said. That’s a no for me. Obviously. I can’t risk it. Then we have… Quirofilia, the fetish for hands. I don’t really have that either. 

Good. I’ll save on getting my nails done, you joked. 

No, you can still do that. I mean, I love seeing your pretty hands… especially on some places… but it’s just not really a kink. Also, nail biting turns me off. 

Really ? 

Yup. Next is… role play. What do you think about that ? He asked. 

Not really my thing, you said. But if it’s something you like, I’ll give it a try. 

It’s not really my thing either, he said with a smile. Robot fetish ? 

Nope, you replied. You ? 

Neither. I mean, I guess that if I was single and really in need, I’d love to get a sex robot, but the idea doesn’t really turn me on, he said. 

Yeah, you’re just a guy, you teased. 

Probably, he admitted with a laugh. Next is spectrochilia. Do you believe in ghosts ? 

Not really. But if they were to exist, they’d be more scary than sexy to me, you said. 

I agree. Then we have Stygiophilia. That’s a good one, he said. The pleasure of the idea of going to hell or facing eternal punishment. I guess I’d better get going on that one because there’s no way I’m going to heaven so… 

Don’t be silly. Of course you’ll go to heaven. You’re the best human I know, you said. 

Do you even believe in God he asked ? 

Depends. In times of despair, I hope he exists and hears my prayers. Plus, when I look at the marvel of the universe, I think it’s not something random… but I’ve never even read any sacred text or anything, so, not really. How about you ? 

I’d say I’m a Christian, he simply stated. Not churchy or anything, but yeah, I’ve read the Bible and I believe in God. 

I didn’t know that, you said. 

I don’t talk about it a lot. What’s the point ? Everyone has their beliefs. 

True. What’s next ? 

Tentacles. Nope. 

Me neither, you said.

Trichophilia - are you attracted to hair ? 

Are you kidding ? I’m a girl born in the 90s. If anything I’ve been taught to despise it, you said with a laugh. You ? 

Not attracted to it, nope. But I’m also not one of those guys who is disgusted by it. It’s just… hair. 

What’s next ? 

Urophilia. That’s a no for me. You ? 

Neither. 

Thank God. I mean… if you had been into it, I would have respected it, but there’s no way I could be involved in it. 

Yeah it’s gross. Let’s change the subject. What’s next ? You asked. 

Underwear. Well, you know I have a thing for lingerie, obviously, he chuckled. How about you ? 

I like lingerie too, you said with a smile. As for male underwear, I don’t really care, but I like your boxers. 

Then we have… Voyeurism, he said. 

Oh I’m not a voyeur, you said. If anything I am scared to catch anyone I know in the middle of sex. 

Same, he chuckled. But I have to admit that seeing you touch yourself is the hottest thing ever. That gets me really horny, really fast. 

Really ? You asked. 

Fuck yeah, he said. Remember the night I told you I loved you ? 

You blushed at the memory. The whole thing had been caused by his very own sex scene in 8 Mile, of all things. 

I like masturbating for you, you said softly. And I kind of like watching you masturbate too. 

So kind of a voyeur too I guess ? He said. 

I guess. Next ?

Vicarphilia - that’s the… oh, the arousal of hearing someone talk about their sec life. What do you think of that ? 

I guess that can be sexy. Never thought of it before. But talking about sex is sexy anyway. 

True, he said. Even casually like right now… it’s kind of cool and sexy, he admitted. Then we have whips. Once again, not too keen on those. 

Oh, ok, you said. 

You ?

I wouldn’t have minded trying but it’s not necessarily on my list either, you said earnestly. Next ? 

« Wet and messy », he said with a laugh. I do love when you’re all wet and messy.

Isn’t that one about wet food like jell-o though ? You asked. I always thought it’s kind of gross though. 

Oh yeah, he said upon reading the description. Then no, that’s not my thing. Wax play ? 

Maybe, you said. I like the idea of massage candles and stuff. 

Yeah, that sounds pretty cool, he agreed. Then we have yoni eggs. I don’t have a vagina so I don’t really have an opinion on that one, I have to say. 

Yeah… not my thing, you said with a grimace. 

Zappers ? He asked. Like electro-stimulation ? Yup, no thanks. 

It sounds scary, you said as he nodded. 

And there’s the last item on the list : Zentai. Like the latex body suits, he stated. 

Not sure I’d like it, you said. 

Same here. I mean, you’d look hot in one though, but I’ll survive if I never see it. 

That’s it ? We’re done ? 

We’re done, he said. Unless you have more questions for me ? To be fair I asked you a lot of them too. 

You took a second to think. Of course you had tons of questions you’d like to ask him. After all, he was a worldwide renown superstar, so you assumed he must have crazy stories to tell. 

Do you know exactly how many people you have had sex with ? You asked. 

I should have known this one was coming, he chuckled. No, I genuinely have no idea. Anything else ? 

Do you miss the era when you were… you know… getting a lot of action ? Instead of just having one partner ? 

No, he said with a smile. It was fun for a while but it wasn’t fulfilling. When you don’t have a lot of opportunities, you fantasize about it and you think it’s going to be the best thing ever, but you don’t actually get to build a connection with someone, you know ? And the sex is so much better when you have that. Especially with you. 

Do you really like our sex life ? You asked. 

Of course, he scoffed. What ? Do I look like I don’t ? 

No, you said with a smile. But sometimes I worry that I’m not… experienced enough for you. 

You don’t have to worry about that, baby, he said as he took you in his arms. I love fucking you, making love to you… It’s great. Are you happy with our sex life ? 

Of course, you replied. I mean… You already know you’re the best I have ever had. And I love that we’re able to talk about it, too. Thank you for opening up to me, my love. 

I like talking to you, he said. Now, how about a shower ? I’m all sweaty. 

You nodded and you went to the bathroom where you showered together, kissing and exchanging love words. After, you lounged in the living room, mindlessly watching TV as he told you about his day and his meetings. 

How did the meeting with Tracy go, by the way ? You asked. 

Went well, he said with a smile. We talked for a bit and she said she actually feels comfortable to keep working with me, so that’s one less thing to worry about. I would hate it if I had to hire someone else. Sorry, babe, I know you would have loved to see her go. 

I never said that, you defended yourself. 

I know you too well, he chuckled. You don’t have to worry, though. About how she feels about me, I mean. We cleared the air and she said she was just feeling super lonely. 

Do you believe her ? You asked as you squinted. 

I do, he replied. So you don’t have to worry about anything, ok ? 

Ok, you shrugged. I mean, I trust you. By the way, have you slept with anyone else from your team ? 

No, he chuckled. Just her. Why ? Are you jealous ? 

I’m not, you said. But I just want to know if I risk running into someone who’s slept with you, you know ? 

You should be fine, he chuckled. I mean, you don’t risk meeting any ex of mine besides Tracy. Oh, and Kim, obviously. But that’s it ? 

Why would I meet Kim ? You asked confused. 

Well, she’s going to be here at Thanksgiving, he shrugged - as if it were no big deal. 

You looked at him with a confused look. You had agreed to celebrate Thanksgiving together this year, with his family. It sort of made sense, since the two were living together anyway. However, you had absolutely no idea that it would imply meeting his ex - the infamous Kim Scott. The one that people considered as Marshall’s one true love. You were so taken aback that you had no control over your facial expression. 

Anything wrong ? He asked after a few seconds of silence. 

You didn’t tell me that when we talked about Thanksgiving, you pointed out. 

I thought I did, he shrugged. 

I think I would remember if my boyfriend told me his ex-wife would be here, you said sternly. 

Sorry, babe, he said casually. Is that an issue ? 

I mean… yeah, you said frankly. Why would you celebrate Thanksgiving with her anyway ? 

Because she is the mother of my children, he explained. It’s a family holiday.

But she is your ex. You’re divorced, you said. 

Yeah but we will always be family, you know ? He continued. It allows the girls to have both of their parents with them and not have to choose. Especially now that they all have boyfriends and spend holidays with their in-laws every other year. Plus, we’re good, you know ? We get along pretty well so it’s no big deal. 

Ok, you mumbled. I’ll just celebrate with Talia and Jamal, then. 

Not with me ? He asked with his eyebrows furrowed. I was kind of looking forward to our first holiday together, babe. 

Me too, you admitted. But that was before I knew your ex would be here. 

Why would that change anything ? He asked. 

Because it changes everything, you said. How do you expect me to enjoy it if the woman you married - twice, mind you -, the mother of your children is here ? I’m going to be… intruding. 

No you wouldn’t, he said as he took your hand in his. You’re my girl, you’re the lady of this house. You can’t intrude in your own place. I want you here, with me. 

I don’t know, you said. I don’t feel comfortable. And I bet she wouldn’t either. 

She knows you’ll be here, he shrugged. And she doesn’t mind. I think she’s looking forward to meeting you actually. 

You stared at him in surprise. You definitely didn’t expect to spend your first holiday as Marshall’s girlfriend with his ex-wife being around. He didn’t seem phased by the situation, as if he didn’t see the problem. You, on the other hand, could smell the disaster from ten thousand miles away. Right when you thought you didn’t actually have to worry about another woman in Marshall’s life, you were about to meet his fucking ex-wife. What could go wrong ? Absolutely everything.

[cyanocoraxx]

spider/centipede/snake keeping FAQs

"aren't you scared it will bite you" hello job. no i can't come in today. i'm being bitten by my poecilotheria metallica. yeah i'll be off work for 3 weeks. yay

"does it still have its venom" yes that's what makes it more fun

"it can't love you" neither could my dad but we move

"why keep centipedes eughghgh gross" i don't have room in my house for an actual dragon so the smaller land ones will do instead

"what do you feed them" small children and occasionally adults if they annoy me enough

"what do you do with them" we vibe. my spiders know my deepest darkest secrets and they will never tell you. on account of being incapable of human speech.

[emeraldgreenbeautiesstu]

the boston trip chronicles continue !

last night and today was eventful. there was a huge centipede, the same type of bug in the boys trip vlog funnily enough, in our bathroom floor. me and my friend who is with me called my dad freaking out, it took us 30 minutes but we ended up killing him. we used tongs to put a paper plate on him, then hit it repeatedly with a frying pan. he's dead but we aren't cleaning it up till we leave, the plate is still on him. then today, about an hour ago, we got back to our airbnb and the fucking fire alarms were going off hardcore, but no fire?? i called the fire department for the first time in my nineteen years of living, and it was scary. fire department came and i guess its from the humidity and heat, unfortunately the fire alarms are all connected so they are all going off. and the problem one (the one with the malfunction) is fucking padlocked in a whole other unit of the house. so the fire department left because there's nothing that can do, and we just have ti deal with it until airbnb host fixes it. yay. 😀 (i'm going crazy)

[ddejavvu]

omg omg i am so sorry for not giving a plot for my last request!! you are so sweet, thank you so much for responding! <33 maybe something along the lines where exterminator!eddie has his sweet innocent girlfriend and when he comes home from work she’s absolutely terrified of a certain bug (unfortunately i’m clueless on bugs or any creature that is to be exterminated lol!) and eddie acts all big and tough like, “nah babe i got this” but even then he’s absolutely terrified.

today is multiverse monday! send me any au you can think of :)

nonono you are so sweet! i'm glad you were able to resubmit one :D i hope you enjoy!

--

You're sitting cross-legged in the middle of Eddie's parking spot when he pulls his company van into the driveway, and he frowns at your intrusion. You're up on your feet as soon as you see him coming, scrambling out of the way of his headlights so that he doesn't flatten you.

"Babe," He rolls the van window down, leaning out of it to greet you with a kiss, "What are you doing outside? It's nine at night."

"There's a bug in the kitchen," You inform him, fear heavy in your voice, "A really big one, Eddie. It's gross, I need your help."

"Never fear," He grins, endeared by more than sympathetic towards your panic, "That's what I'm here for, Miss."

He hops down from the van, stuffing the keys in his pocket and starting for the house. You stop him and yank him back to the van, apprehension in your gaze, "Eddie, get a net or something. Or like, a box. A cup. A flamethrower. You can't take him alone."

"He's a bug, not an assassin," Eddie laughs incredulously, "Babe, my job is getting rid of bugs. I can handle this."

"No you can't," You insist, stealing the keys from his pocket and holing yourself up in his passenger's seat, "But when you flee the house in terror please grab my purse!"

Waiting in the car is excruciating. You can't see into the kitchen, there's only a window around the back of the house, so you don't know whether the monster you'd seen crawling out of the sink drain had murdered your poor boy and was coming for you, next. Fortunately, you have to wait only two minutes before Eddie comes sprinting out of the front door, your purse swinging in his hand.

He catapults himself into the driver's seat, bouncing as he lands and grips the steering wheel like it owes him money. His eyes are blown wide, cheeks flushed and breathing heavy.

"Okay," He pants, "Uh, that was gnarly. Centipede, I think. Wayne's specialty. So, uh, we're gonna call him. Okay? That's not- Christ, that's not my department."

"Is it poisonous?" You tuck your knees up on the seat while Eddie fumbles with the company phone, a big chunky receiver mounted into the center console of the van.

"Nah," He shakes his head, curls flying, "Just weird. I don't fuck with anything that has more than eight legs."

Wayne captures the thing in record time. Of course, he spends five minutes before going inside laughing at you, then another ten holding the centipede tantalizingly close to your faces, watching you scream.

"You two are babies." He chuckles, gruff and grizzled, "Son, your job is to work with critters like these."

"Nope. No, fuck that." Eddie pants from his place tucked tight against your chest, clinging to your shoulders, "I'm quitting."

[msookyspooky]

  Fours a Franchise

Part 8

wordcount:7,660

 You sat in the back of Kirby's car with Randy in the passenger seat and Kirby driving. Going to the police station so Perkin's and Hoss could drop off the woman that attacked you at the school and then Kirby was dropping you all off at your houses. 

Kirby finally broke the silence. "So uh, kind of cool we got out after lunch today. I mean, the reasons not, but still. Just saying." She gave with a slight cringe.

Randy sighed with a light shrug. "Hey, we were excited too…Before the Final Act, at least." 

Jill looked apprehensively at you and then Randy. "You think the killers might strike tonight?" 

"For sure. Absolutely. " You and Randy both said in unison just a different word with the same damn meaning.

Randy continued. "It's just standard at this point. Big group of kids, party place in the middle of nowhere, drinking and breaking the rules just to be offed one by one with no one even paying attention because either they're too drunk or too busy screwing-" 

"Or-" You held up a finger; finishing his sentence for him. "They'll think someone getting stabbed to death is a part of a prank…Maureen Evans. Premiere of Stab 1998." 

Randy nodded and snapped his finger towards you. "Yep. No one even helped her. They all thought it was part of the immersive experience of Stab." 

Jill gave a shake of her head and a grimace. "Wow, that's awful." 

Kirby chimed in looking more interested than shocked. "Oh yeah! They totally should have used that in Stab 3's intro kill." 

"Legal issues." Randy was just as casual about it as she was as he told her. 

Kirby looked over at him. "Wait, didn't you work in the film industry? You mentioned it one day...I think when I was getting The Human Centipede last month. " 

Jill glared at her. "Don't ever make me watch that again. Seriously. Something is wrong with you." 

Kirby just snickered to herself as Randy gave a shrug once again. "Eh, just tech. My first movie was Stab 3 directed by none other than Roman Bridger." He gave with a wag of his brows and a tight lipped smile. 

Kirby hissed out. "Oh, shit. But never again?" 

"No, wasn't really qualified-" 

You interrupted him after rolling your eyes. "Randy went to college for a Film Major he refuses to use." You gave him a look from the backseat. 

"What?" Kirby laughed out as she drove. "No way, that's epic! But uh…Why not go be the next Sam Raimi? Shit, if someone can make Human Centipede then any of us can make it in the Industry. " 

 "Because it's a pointless little idea, Kirby." 

Kirby scoffed. "No it isn't! You don't even have to go to Hollywood if you don't want to. You can use your film major in a more…Entrepreneur way." 

Randy raised his brows. "...What?" 

Kirby stopped at a stop sign a bit heavy on the brakes. "I mean, Jenna Marbles can cut up soap for Kermit and people love it!" 

Randy and you blinked a bit at her; having zero idea what she was talking about. 

 Jill explained. "Anyone can be famous now. You just make people laugh or cry or be interesting." 

Randy cringed slightly and mumbled. "I don't really want the fame part. We get enough of that." You looked at the mirror at your cheek as a reminder of how 'famous' you all are.

Kirby quickly added. "But you could use Youtube to get attention and then money. It would be easier to get a job in Hollywood that way if you do decide to go that route. You could make a podcast or a youtube channel dedicated to nothing but movies." Kirby added with a smirk. "I know if you created a podcast talking about Horror movies; I'd give it a listen and so would all those kids in Cinema Club today." 

Randy gave her a skeptical smile with a sigh. "Kirby, I don't know the first thing about that. I'll look like a putz." 

She shrugged with a huff. "I could teach you; No problem. If I can teach my Grandma how to use her new smartphone to play Angry Birds; you'll be fine." 

Randy chuckled. "So the Student has become the Master, huh?" 

Kirby grinned and pointed at him. "Karate Kid. Not one of my favorites, though still. Classic." 

Randy grinned, leaning in his seat. "I know, nothing beats horror, right?" 

"Nah. Absolutely nothing." Kirby gave a serious expression before looking at Jill. "I mean, me and Jill spend our weekends watching Shaun of the Dead, The Devil's Rejects, Slither, Jennifer's Body." 

Jill waved her off with a chuckle. "Yeah I'm not nearly as much of a horror geek as you are…What was the one we watched the other day with Christina Ricci? With the-" 

Jill didn't even finish her sentence as Kirby snapped her fingers and she asked. "Werewolves?" Before her and Randy said in unison. "Cursed." 

Randy shrugged. "But best werewolf movie ever-" 

Kirby grinned and finished for him. "An American Werewolf in London." 

Randy nodded with a grin. "Hell yes!" 

Jill sighed and whispered to you. "Oh God, be prepared. They'll talk about Horror Movies for the entire ride…One day, we stayed an extra hour at the store because they both argued on zombie movies and both of them wouldn't back down. Return of the Living Dead versus the Remake of Night of the Living Dead." She gave you a raise of her brows. 

You smirked slightly and commented at their almost older brother little sister dynamic. "You two seem like two peas in a pod." 

Randy looked back at you almost forgetting you. "Huh? Oh yeah, Kirby comes in all the time to the video store. Been trying to hire her for years because she's one of the only teens around here that actually knows what she's talking about." 

She gave a sly grin. "I like to keep a low profile. I have an image. Besides, I love the surprise on peoples faces…If I worked at the video store, the fun would totally just fizzle out." 

Jill mumbled teasingly. "Yeah and you'd probably eventually embarrass yourself in front of the guy you like there-" Jill nudged Kirby with her knee.

 "I do not." Kirby huffed out with an eye roll. Couldn't tell if she was embarrassed and playing it off or if she was being honest, calm and just annoyed at her friends pestering. 

Randy shrugged with a smirk. "Who? Charlie? He hasn't been in there much." 

 "No, there is no 'guy'. Besides, Charlie and Robbie are big on this internet thing including pirating movies. I mean, look. I'm not the feds or anything but you cannot beat physical media when you can get it." You all pulled into the police station as her and Randy excitedly went back and forth about physical media, horror, etc..

Jill leaned forward towards you as she saw the woman being dragged into the police station by Hoss. "God…I'm sorry you went through that." 

You gave a sad smile and whispered back, Randy and Kirby oblivious in their own conversation as you talked. "Thanks but I've gotten used to it." You felt your phone vibrate with a text and ignored it.

"How? How do you handle it? The police monitoring you, the whispers and stares, the fear?" She asked softly.

You thought a moment before leaning in your seat, telling her. "...Uh  what I do…Is I try not to think about it." You simply told her. Looking at her earnestly. "I remember I'm lucky to be alive. That I know the truth and that my loved ones know the truth and that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks." You reasoned even if it wasn't nearly as honest as you wish it was. "The rest works out on its own." 

Jill nodded before Kirby put the car back in gear once Hoss returned to the squad car. "Alright, let's get this show on the road, folks! Gotta a party tonight." 

Both Randy and your faces dropped as you asked her. "Kirby, why? Are you seriously going to Stab-a-thon tonight?" 

She laughed good naturally. "Well, yeah. I've gone every year. Can't miss it." 

Randy gave her a look. "I can respect the love of horror and a good time but Kirby…It's clearly the final act!" 

You added. "And you're part of Jill's group. Do you want to have happen to you what happened to our friends? You wanna test your luck and be the new Sidney and Tatum?" You grimaced as you looked at Jill. "Sorry." 

Jill looked perplexed but also slightly offended. "You think…I'm the new Sidney?" 

Kirby added before you could finish. "Well, by what they did, I'm clearly not Tatum. And besides, Olivia would understand. She'd want me to be around people."

You ignored Kirby and hesitated before nodding with a frown to Jill. "Look…Clearly someone is after your group and we kind of think you're the main focus." Jill looked frightened, putting a hand over her mouth as you reached out to her to reassure her. "I swear though, we are not gonna let this guy be the new Billy or Stu." 

Kirby huffed out. "Like Trevor? I can see that." 

Randy gave a shaky 'iffy' hand gesture. "I mean, it would fit in with the trope if this were a remake. It is not…You know who I think it is? If we follow all the franchise rules and weed out suspects?" 

You quirked a brow. "Who?" 

Randy went to speak but relented. "Well…Shit, nevermind. I can't say." He gestured to the girls and Jill gave him an unamused frown and Kirby chuckled.

"God, just say it! Is it someone in our friend group? Trevor, me, J-" Kirby urged.

 "Charlie." 

Everyone's face dropped. Jill and Kirby both kind of laughed out loud at that. Kirby exclaimed with a grin. "What? No way. Charlie wouldn't hurt a fly, he's harmless! A creep, social reject, future neckbeard but harmless." 

Randy gave her a deathly serious look as she pulled onto the street where Jill and Randy lived. "I'm serious, Kirby. I try to relent pointing fingers at film geeks because then me and you would be suspects too." 

Kirby gave him a devilish look. "Maybe I am? I'm going because I'm the killer oooo." She gave mockingly.

"But guess what?" He added. "I suspected Mickey and dropped it because 'Hey! Liking Cinema isn't a crime! I do that too!' and look how that turned out. I'm telling you, just watch your back with Charlie. With any of your friends…Even with each other." Randy gave Kirby a look then Jill. Turning to Jill and saying. "Everyone is a suspect." 

Jill and Kirby both gave him a wide eyed stare.

 You chimed in. "Kirby, I just wish you would reconsider." 

Kirby stepped out of the car and you all opened your doors as well as she said with a smirk. "And miss out on free booze, blood and horror? No way. Just don't tell Danny Glover and Mel Gibson where I'm going, alright?" 

Randy raised a playful brow. "Well that's a generous comparison. Remind me to ask you for my celebrity look alike." 

You grinned to yourself and he pointed at you before you said anything. Knowing he fell right into that one.  "Shut up. Damn, the guy and I had the same hair for a hot minute and he almost got the role for me in Stab and he plays dorky guys and you THINK we're both the same short ass height and you haven't shutted up since." 

"Oh you mean Seth Green? That was my choice too." Kirby added with a smirk. 

He gave her an annoyed look as you and her both tried to hold back laughter. He glared at you both. "Okay. Screw both of you. You both officially suck." He stepped out and so did you as you and Jill chuckled to each other as Kirby tried talking to him again.

The sun was slowly starting to set. The Autumn hours kicking in as the days were growing shorter.

Jill smiled and looked at you. You had to ask her. "...Are you going to Stab-a-Thon?" 

She lost her smile and rolled her eyes lightly. "No. My Mom would kill me. Besides, Sheriff Dewey would have a chaperone with me all night. My room is like a prison cell now." 

You gave her a sad smile. "Hey, I get it. It sucks. Been there, done that... But it's for the best." 

She nodded to herself before asking you. "Can I ask…What was my cousin Sidney like?" 

You blinked realizing she never met Sidney. She was only 2 or 3 when Sidney died. You thought a moment before telling her with a fond smile. "Sidney was kind…She was so kind. Brave. Empathetic. Strong willed. She was the mom friend of our group…Lectured us like one too." 

"What was it like, you know, knowing while Billy and Stu were your friends; they were plotting to kill you?" 

"Not comforting." You cringed lightly before sighing. "It was…It made me develop some trust issues that got worse after college and then after our last round of kills. To think while we were talking about school and 90's bands and teen stuff; they were plotting everyone's murder and we didn't mean anything to them. It sucked." 

Jill fiddled with her necklace with a worried frown. "You think someone close to me is trying to kill me?" 

"...Yes." You looked at Randy and Kirby talking while Kirby leaned against her car before you looked back at Jill. "Please, try to get Kirby to reconsider." 

"Good luck." She muttered with an annoyed eye roll.

"Well…Then keep her and everyone else at distance. Everyone." 

She looked shocked at that. "But Kirby-" 

You shhed her and whispered. "Jill…You think Sidney or I expected Billy? That any of us did? You think Tatum or Randy or me expected Stu?... Kirby going is suspicious, Charlie and Robbie hosting it is suspicious-" 

"And Trevor? My ex?" She softly asked.

You frowned deeply but nodded. "Very suspicious." You hesitated before giving a reassuring smile. "...Just be careful, stay home, and stay safe…Okay?" 

She sighed but nodded with a forced smile. "Okay…I can see why Sidney was friends with you. If-" She chuckled in between her sentences. "If she was the Mom of the friend group, maybe you were that cool aunt you go to for advice?"

You smirked. "No, that was Tatum. For sure. The fashionable, feisty, fun, protective aunt." 

Jill frowned. "...That could be Kirby but…I think Olivia was our Tatum too." She frowned, glancing at Olivia's house. 

You frowned too, guilt eating at you that maybe if you would have tried to shoot at the window or if you would have been there a few seconds sooner; she could've made it. You gently nudged her with a sad smile. "Hey, we're across the street and if not us then Perkin's and Hoss are right there." 

Jill nodded and waved goodbye, walking to her house as Kirby got in her car and you and Randy went to his house across the street.

Randy triple locked the front door behind you both and you both checked every single possible hiding spot in that house before finally settling down. You sat on the couch and Randy on the chair, tired beyond belief. You looked at your phone and saw a vague text about 'oil changes' from your 'mechanic'.

Randy sighed and told you. "Mind if I call Karla and the kids before it gets too late?" 

You smiled and shook your head. "Not at all." 

He called and once he started talking, you walked to the 'bathroom' until you saw he was looking away talking. You heard him tell her he missed her and asking about her family before you darted down the hall and to the kids room. As far away as possible as you sucked in a breath and called them.

"...YN? Took you long enough." Billy's voice huffed out.

"Is that Sweetcheeks? Man, put it on speaker phone-" Stu's voice sounded in the background as you lightly rolled your eyes.

"Yeah well, I was a little busy alright?" You retorted.

"So were we. We got a new location to look at-" 

"The Barn on Fort Dillion Road?" You asked.

You just KNEW Billy was scowling at you beating him to it. "How do you know that?" 

"Highschoolers." 

Stu got on and chuckled. "What a coincidence, same here! All you gotta do is offer the tiniest bit of weed in a baggy and these dumbass kids start talking." Stu laughed out. 

"So you're selling kids pot now?" 

Stu chuckled. "Oh no, has my wonderful image been tarnished in your eyes?" He seemed tickled to say it, giggling like a little kid. 

Billy sighed. "It was fucking oregano that we found in the kitchen of this motel. We saw it and instantly knew what to do with it." 

"That's awful. You swindled that kid with herbs?" You chuckled with a smirk at the imagery that some kid's house was gonna smell like a pizzeria instead of pot. 

To your surprise, you could hear the humor in Billy's voice. "Oh yeah, giving a dipshit kid oregano instead of pot. Truly worse than murder." 

You smirked at the joke before reality set in and you paced the room, looking at the kids' stuff with a frown. "...I'm not going to the party. Neither is Randy." 

"Well that's a relief…Maybe even surprising. Could have sworn you'd be stupid enough to go." 

You almost tried to dig deep inside to find some shitty remark but relented as you sat on one of the kids beds and mumbled. "It would be suicide to go. Besides, I have had enough attempts on my life from people without masks…" 

"What does that mean?" Billy asked. 

"Nothing. Just…Bullshit." You drew out with a sigh. 

Stu chimed in. "Anyways, we wanted to call not only so you would know where the parties at but also wouldn't go, okay YN?" 

You nod as if they're there. You then raised a brow and slowly drew out  "Yeah, sure…Curious…What exactly are you two going to do with this info?" 

"Easy. Gonna go crash a party. Kill the fucker right there." Stu gave nonchalantly.

Your mouth parted. "What??"...You stood up, a shocked look on your face. "Are you crazy?! Don't answer that just-" You closed your eyes and sucked in a breath to stop yourself. "You can't go to this party, okay-" 

Billy sounded annoyed as he replied. "You want this to end or not?" 

"Of course I do! But you don't think two original murderers going to a Stab movie with a bunch of fans from their hometown isn't suspicious?! You don't think cops won't be there eventually?!" You hiss out so low they probably barely heard you.

Stu puffed air. "Relax! None of those kids are even going to notice us and we'll split before the po-po even gets there." 

You shake your head. "It's not JUST that, idiots! We don't need to be splitting up and going rogue, okay?! I have enough of that with Gale and Dewey on edge constantly going in different directions instead of helping each other out. I don't need you two doing something stupid!" 

"Aww." Stu drew out and you glared at the wall knowing he had a shit eating grin on his face as he dismissed your concern. "Someone cares about us and if we're safe. That's so adorable, man." He teased sarcastically 

You rolled your eyes and thought. 'It's been 10 years Stu; give it a break.'

Before you gritted your teeth. "OR this someone's entire life will be ruined if you two are caught; dead or alive!" 

 "You think we're idiots? We're not new to this. You just keep your ass at Randy's on Walnut Drive at that little gray house and we'll do what we do best. Kill." 

Your mouth stretched in outrage. "How did you-" 

Billy gave a bit of a dark chuckle. "I told you, we aren't new to this…Just do us a damn favor and stay home. I don't need to babysit you while ripping this guy's liver out." 

"Damn it, both of you don't!" You said urgently as the other line was quiet for a second. "Just don't go to that party tonight, okay? Let this idiot show themselves then get them. Hell, if you're ballsy enough you can watch this house from afar and wait till they inevitably strike but that party is a suicide mission if you go! And guess what? What's gonna happen if that killer doesn't show up there OR he does and you two get caught?" 

…

Billy spoke up finally. "...You really feel that strongly about it?" 

"Yes!" 

He released a heavy sigh and then huffed out. "Okay…Fine but if we get news of a kill tonight-" 

"Then come here. Because the killer always follows the Final Girl after the party has ended…Just hide yourself from Randy." 

"No shit...Alright. Okay just stay put then." 

"Okay." You simply gave. Billy hung up and you sighed out of mild relief even if a part of you didn't believe them.

While you had your phone call, Randy had his. 

Randy smiled while looking down after talking to Mindy and Chad. "Be good, alright? Okay…Love you both…" He quietly knew that with this new killer, anyone could be hit. He swallowed and told them. "...I want you both to know I'm proud of you and I love you both more than anything. I miss you rugrats annoying me here at the house and 'll see you both soon, alright? Okay put your Mommy on the phone." Randy frowned, swallowing at his eyes stinging a bit imagining the worst before he shook his head and whispered to himself. "Stop it. Be the man here. Just follow the rules and everything will be fine." 

He heard Karla back on and his smile returned. She asked him. "...They found anything?"

"No, nothing. But don't worry, there's a party tonight and me and YN aren't going. If Jill Robert's is the new Sidney Prescott then let them keep that shit across the road or over at the barn they're hosting at." 

She sighed heavily, talking quietly. "I really wish you would just get out of there." 

"...Maybe if the cops are busy at that barn where we know a murder is gonna happen then me and YN can haul ass out of here?" He glanced through the window at Jill's house. "Us being neighbors to the new final girl IF that's what she is and being the original survivors? It's just a recipe for disaster." 

"Tell Dewey he's not invited to any events at this point." 

Randy smiled at his wife's remark…Before whispering to her on the phone. "...Just stay safe on your end too. Some horror movies have had the killer travel just to kill someone close to the guy that he really wants. And you're definitely top 3 for me. Don't ask me the order because I could never decide between the twins." 

She sighed with a slight chuckle before telling him. "I love you baby. Just…Get your ass here as soon as possible." 

He smiled to himself. "Love you too. I'll damn well try." 

He knew that probably wasn't happening but if it eased her a bit. He went to say something else when he saw Dewey was ringing him. "Karla, Dewey's calling-" She told him bye and to just call her tomorrow. He answered and Dewey just RANTED so fast Randy blinked repeatedly.

"Randy, I gotta tell you something. It's real important that YN isn't in the room." 

Randy gave an odd look."...What?" 

"Is she?" 

He looked around the corner to see you pacing the kids room on the phone yourself. He told him. "No??? What the hell-" 

"Are you sure? I'm serious Randy…I think…I think YN is in danger but she can't hear this." 

Randy furrowed his brows and nodded. "Yeah, honest. She's on the phone in another room." 

"With who?" He urgently demanded and Randy shrugged his shoulders with a disgruntled look.

"How the hell should I know? She's on the phone." 

Dewey sucked in a breath and Randy could just tell how nervous and wound up he was. Randy grunted with a scowl. "Dewey, just spit it out-" 

"I think Billy and Stu are alive!"  

….

….

Randy was dead silent for a good 5 seconds before muttering. "...What the ever loving fuck are you even talking about???" 

Dewey urgently hissed out. "Look! I know how crazy it sounds but I can't deny it anymore! Never finding their remains in the fire just like Neil Prescott, the door kicked out from the inside, tire tracks in the woods matching Billy Loomis's Camaro, Tim and James matching the description of Billy and Stu despite the hair-" 

Randy closed his eyes and looked beyond annoyed. "Woah, woah, woah. Fucking BREATHE Dew." 

"Randy, I've been sitting on this for a decade and after last night there's no denying it! Something isn't right here!" 

"What?? Damn Dewey, start making sense! Whaddya mean by a decade of this info you're hurling at me?!" 

Dewey took a shaky sigh…A very pained and shaky sigh that sounded almost heavy. "...YN…YN is lying to us…I…I…" He acted like he couldn't get it out. "...I found a photo on the crime scene of the motel room Neil was spying on her a decade ago. I pocketed it because I was trying to protect her from the media but…I wasn't sure. But…In that photo…Randy it's insane!... But it looks like Billy and Stu in her motel." 

Randy stared at the wall…Beyond unsure WHAT to say other than. "You're for sure, huh?" 

"Well…Not entirely. " 

Randy rolled his eyes and smacked his knee as he sat down and hissed out low so you couldn't hear. "Insane is the word of the night. Oh my God, are you serious? Jesus Christ, you've been around your wife and her bullshit too long!" 

Randy struck a nerve with that one as Dewey grumbled. "Gale has nothing to do with this!" 

"Fine, then you're acting like her then. You actually believe those bullshit theories? Okay, YN got attacked today-" 

"What?" 

"You didn't know? Some parents tried to attack her at the Highschool today." 

"Oh God…Why?-...You were at the school?" 

Randy pinched his nose bridge. "Aaannddd this is the basic rundown of every horror movie in every small town ever made. Starting with the clueless Sheriff." He released his nose bridge and huffed under his breath. "Okay. Explain WHY you think you saw what you saw in this so called photo?"

He stammered. "Y-You think I want to ever in a million years think this of YN?! I don't but…I found the photo of those two guys in her motel room as she was walking out. All of them talking inside. She swore she was alone!" 

"Two guys? You're for real right now? There's a picture of her sneaking two guys in her room?" Randy couldn't help snickering to himself. "Ooh really? That dirty slut!" He joked with a mischievous chuckle and with almost a hint of approval. "Damn so she had two guys there? Plus that Detective after her? Jesus, I'm almost jealous…Not that I swing that way but hey. Good for her for being a player." 

"I'm serious Randy! She lied!" 

"So???" Randy huffed out with a mocking look as switched the phone to his other hand. "Of course she did! What was she supposed to tell us? That she was having two guys sleep in her bed, mind you, to her former ex slash best guy friend and a guy that's like a big brother to her?" He shrugged. "I mean, the timing was bad and stupid of her and they COULD have been potential killers but they weren't. Case closed…Ohohohooo, I can't wait to use this as-" 

"NO." Dewey harshly gave. "She can't know!...Okay?! That's not all…The one guy I'm positive about was Dennis Rafkin…In fact, I know it was that actor in her motel room in the photo and…I think Dennis Rafkin isn't Dennis Rafkin." 

Randy blinked at that. "...Oh." That did strike him as odd if you got with the guy that played Stu or was going to AND that played in Scooby Doo…It explained how odd you acted while watching it the other night. But he quickly shook his head. "Well, he was a douchebag so who's to say they didn't just talk? I mean, was this photo of them making out or something?" 

"Well no." 

"Then you don't have proof of anything Dewey! And what the hell do you mean that he's not who he says?" Randy laughed in a mocking tone.

"Listen to me, Randy. I don't think Dennis Rafkin is who he says he is…Have you EVER seen a guy look similar to Stu Macher as much as that actor does? I didn't talk to him on set but I saw interviews of him when he drops that Australian Accent…Randy…That is Stu! I-It's CRAZY but-" 

"Dewey, what fucking idiot would do that? Not even Stu would be stupid enough to play himself in a movie. You are DELUSIONAL with this case!" Randy groaned to himself. "So you think…You actually think that they're alive, they were Tim and James and Stu tried to play himself in a movie and that…YN knows about it? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" Dewey fumbled and Randy continued. "And to make an allegation that it's Billy and Stu and YN was WITH them??? You better pray she NEVER hears that. She'll never forgive you and honestly? If it wasn't for how insane it sounds, I'd be more pissed at you too. I expect this shit from Gale, not you." 

"Randy, that's not all of the story here." Randy was quiet as he glanced around the corner seeing you still talking before Dewey told him. "...Deputy Hicks watched her sneak out while you were gone and she went to that motel at the edge of town…The same men were inside as a decade ago. The one looks different but I know my sister's old boyfriend…If that isn't Stu Macher, I-" Dewey firmly gave before trailing off with a sigh. "That guy. Put it this way…If it's not Stu then it's Dennis Rafkin IF they're not the same person." 

Randy scrunched his face and shook his head with a disbelieving smirk. "What?...No. She wouldn't do that-":

"I have a picture…Hold on I'll send it-" 

Randy heard fumbling and cursing on the other line as he prayed Dewey didn't accidentally send him a scary picture of some private thing with Gale or God knows what else..

Randy finally looked at his phone and saw…Exactly what Dewey described.

"Did you get it?" 

Randy didn't answer for a moment. His stomach sank a bit realizing you really did lie. Those were the clothes you were wearing last night. You actually snuck out to meet these guys and lied to him. 

Randy swallowed and looked around the corner at you still on the phone from what he could tell as he spoke low and told him. "Yeah…I see it." 

"Look at the men, Randy. Just hear me out and look at them." 

Randy pulled his phone back again and looked. The men's faces were blurry. He didn't see this Dennis Rafkin / Stu / Tim that Dewey was so adamant about but…His stomach sank and his eyes narrowed in confusion as he saw the man's face that was most clear…He was older than when he saw him in the 90's but…He really did resemble Billy Loomis. Dark deep set eyes, high cheekbones, similar face shape this guy was just older and more 'filled out'...It created this instant reaction of…Fear and contempt just looking at him. But that was…It was insane! Billy Loomis was dead...He was fucking dead.

Randy shook his head. "No…No, what you're saying is wackodoo shit, Dewey. YN would NEVER be with them and she would have told us if they're alive." 

"Well not if-" 

"STOP." Randy cut in harsher than he meant to before shaking his head. "Okay, so she's clearly either doing drug deals with these guys or having some strange affair with them for the last decade because that's the only reason she'd hide this. And you know what? Are they suspects? Sure but she's a grown woman. If she wants to keep her private life private, that's none of our damn business." 

"It is when it's potential killers!" 

Randy rolled his eyes and hissed out under his breath. "Jesus, Dewey! That is NOT those two idiots, okay?! They died in that fire, YN would never ever keep them secret from us, and she definitely wouldn't be meeting them at motels! I hope she's safe but if this has been going on for over 10 years then who the fuck are we to tell her what to do with her life?" He sighed. "Maybe she didn't tell us because she knew we'd be overbearing or judge her or some shit?" 

"But Randy!" 

"She's not Tatum, Dewey." Randy had an edge to his voice as he said it…He instantly felt guilt and mumbled. "I-I'm…Sorry. But she's not your kid sister you gotta monitor, she's a grown woman.  If this has happened this long; maybe we just need to let her be? Ever think of that?" 

Dewey was quiet before reluctantly sighing. "...Maybe you're right…I feel terrible thinking she would do that but her sneaking out and HOW MUCH they look like them-"

"Maybe it's some psychological thing? She's going for two guys that resemble them to bury those feelings for good-" 

Dewey interrupted him. "Do you think she had feelings for them? It's just us, honest. I just…I just wonder with her." 

Randy hesitated, not trusting Gale not to be eavesdropping. "Does it matter? If she did, they betrayed her just like us. They're dead and rotting in Hell, Dewey…And ya know what? You're kind of pissing me off right now." 

"Me??" 

"Yeah, you. We…" He trailed off. "We don't make time to be our Woodsboro family anymore and NOW you suddenly want to analyze her personal business here? And accuse her of the very rumor your wife created that ruined her life?...You've changed." 

Dewey scoffed, seeming offended. "I have not!" 

"Yeah, as soon as you put that badge back on; you've become a by the book's asshole that puts laws and rules above common sense and his friends…Sometimes, in cases like this, I liked you better when you were a regular guy, Dewey...I think you need a long ass vacation once this over and to stop being a cop for 2 seconds." 

Randy knew that hurt him as Dewey sucked in a breath on the other line. His voice is heavier. "Well I'm sorry you feel that way, Randy. But I have a job to protect people…I'm only trying to save you and YN from…From what happened to others." 

"Dewey, listen-" Randy gave, regret in his voice.

"Okay, maybe Billy and Stu are dead? Then what if these guys are Tim and James? What if it's that actor that was going to play Stu we coincidentally never met on set while everyone else did? Roman was involved in the first case and we had no idea so why not this actor? Regardless, she's been lying to us and hiding things and if they're just regular guys she's…Doing things with, I'll drop it and let her live her life. But I'm getting to the bottom of it. No more people are dying on my watch ever again and these new guys are suspects. " 

"Dewey, wait a minute!...Dewey? Dew?!" Randy groaned as the line ended. "Oh…Fuck Jesus." 

"Something wrong?" 

He jumped when he heard your voice. "W-What? No nothing!" He eyed you. 

The idea that you lied to him was already eating him. He wanted so badly to yell at you or to just openly let you know as less pissy as he could that you didn't have to hide shit and lie to him about your private life and that he thought you were close enough to each other to know that!...But he held it in.

 "...Were you talking on the phone?" He couldn't help asking.

You stared a moment but nodded. "...Oh yeah. My uh…My car is out of whack. Something about the transmission. I was just talking to my mechanic about it." 

"Really?" Randy tried so hard not to look too interested but he couldn't help it.  He could tell you weren't telling the whole truth. "You sure were talking a long time…To your mechanic." 

"Just small talk…Who were you talking to? I heard Dewey's name." You gave him the same look he knew he gave you. 

Randy faltered, mouth parted before he swallowed and while looking away with a dismissive wave. "Yeah, yeah. Dewey called to…Make sure you were okay! You know, after the incident today." 

You folded your arms. "Why didn't he call me?"

'Shit.' Randy thought as he shrugged. "Um…Well, he just wanted to ask me. I don't think he wants you thinking he's hovering over you." 

You stared a moment before nodding as Randy asked. "How does your face feel?" 

You shook your head and got something to drink from the fridge. "It's okay. Thanks but I've had ten times worse." 

Randy nodded before you sat down on the couch next to him at the other end. 

"How were Karla and the kids?" 

"Fine…Just missing them." 

You gave him a soft but sad smile. "Yeah. I'm sure you do…I bet they miss you too." 

Randy fiddled with his keys in his pocket. Getting up to distract himself before he just blurted out that he knew you lied to him. "What movie do you want to watch?" 

You shrugged. "I'm game for anything." 

A few moments passed in silence as Randy put on a random movie he had. Both of you clearly had stuff on your minds.

Randy started thinking not only of you lying but…Of his kids…What if they had to go through this when they got older? What if they were Kirby's age, then what? Would they go through this shit too? All because he was in denial and swore a Trilogy was the end and after Roman this nightmare was over?...Kirby was a cool kid. He could imagine Mindy being like her when she was a teen…That thought made his stomach sink.

You glanced over at him deep in thought. "...Ray…What is it?" You asked in a drawn out dreaded 'Don't say it' sort of tone.

He shrugged, quietly telling you. "Just…Wishing we weren't here." 

"Yeah. If we could, I'd be out of this place." 

Randy sighed. "I've been thinking about that...It's probably just wishful thinking though. If the killer is anything like Horror movies; they'll follow their target or their target's closest friends." 

You cringed. "This sounds heartless but if it's a remake and Jill is the target then we could still get away…At least you could. Go to your kids and wife. I'll manage." 

Randy thought. 'Yeah cause apparently you have two guys to help you in case...' He sourly thought, not sure how long he could hide the fact he knew what he knew from you.

Randy shook his head, still not looking at you fully. "No, I'm still dead set this is a Franchise and you, me, Dewey and Gale are still the main targets…Something just isn't right about this. It's like…It's like they're baiting everyone." 

You leaned forward in interest. "Whaddya mean?" 

He finally looked over at you with a frown. "...What if…Jill isn't the target? What if…What if you're the target but they're making it look like Jill in order to get attention off of you? That way, when they kill you, it's easier." 

You frowned as well, brows furrowed at that. "That would be convenient." 

You adjusted in your seat to look at him fully. "I know it's not a remake but hyperthetically if Jill is a target…Is it the boyfriend killing or is she a target just because she's a Prescott?" You slowly asked.

He opened his mouth and shrugged. "I-I…Don't know? Both seem plausible." He released a humorless chuckle. "...Um…Well shit."

"What?" 

"If this is a Franchise, we're kind of sitting ducks here at the house. Alone. At night…Officer Tweedle Dee and Dumb out there. If this is a remake, then we're right across the street from the Final girl." 

You gave Randy a wary look and mumbled. "So…We're fucked." 

He concluded. "And Kirby and a bunch of other kids including reporter Barbie will die or we will tonight. Here at the house alone or at that party. We're probably getting attacked." 

You held up your finger as you saw the look in his eyes. "No, no, no. We are NOT going to the party!" 

"Well no, that would be stupid! But…I'm reevaluating whether staying here was the right choice." 

"Ray, come on. It's your house, we have cops out front, we have a gun, we-" 

You both stopped. Hearing something…You both didn't know if it was outside or inside. But you both jumped up. 

Randy faltered. "Okay, okay. We're just getting spooked. W-We're just getting worked up-" 

You both swore you heard it again. You weren't sure what it was but you and him gave each other looks before saying. "Okay, fuck this." Randy wholeheartedly agreed as you grabbed your jackets, still dressed from that day, and went to his car. 

You both checked under it and the back seat; tag teaming in unison before getting in and locking the doors. It was that odd time of dusk where it's almost completely dark but not quite.

Randy nervously drew out as he started it. "Ooookay who is ready for a 2 hour drive around town going in circles?" 

 You nodded. "Me. Back this thing up and let's keep moving." 

He backed up. And you saw Perkin's and Hoss for whatever reason weren't following you. You huffed and threw a hand up. "Oh, NOW you assholes leave us alone!" You gave him a hopeful look. "Hey…They're not following! We could…We could just drive. Just drive out of here and Dewey would never know. What's he gonna do? Waste time tracking us down? Arrest us? The killer could be caught by then!"  

He grimaced. "Damn it, I wish we could but the more I think about it…We can't! If I go to my wife and kids, so will the killer because this IS a goddamn franchise disguised as a shitty remake. Where we go, they follow. These dumbass kids don't understand we're in a fucking Franchise, damn it!" 

"Then let's go to another state for all I care!"

"Again. They'll follow and we're REALLY sitting ducks then."

You tsked and leaned in your seat. "So what do we do? Just drive all night?" 

Randy shrugged. "Why not?" 

"You said it, they'll follow. I was in one high speed chase and almost died. I don't want to do that again." 

"How did you even get through that alone??" Randy asked with a curious look.

You looked away. "I just…Did." 

Randy smacked the steering wheel lightly. "Shit. Okay okay, okay…We gotta do SOMETHING. At that house, we're sitting ducks. In this car, eventually we could be stranded from some flat tire or a killer running us off the roads. Yes, it's in town but still it happens in horror small town or middle of nowhere…So…" 

You gave him a dirty look. "NO. No way, Ray!" 

"Where else are we going?!" 

"Not there! I will sit all night at the police station first!" 

"Oh right, so Dewey can do something stupid like send all his Deputies out when a kill happens and we're slaughtered there instead?" 

You argued back. "Well it's better than going to a fucking party that is so obviously a trap!" 

"Look…Gale is there. Kirby is there. Either they're going to die and lure us as bait or we're going to die while the party is a distraction …Or we go there and we follow the rules and end this. Tonight. It's the final act. I'm done with this shit and I know you are too." 

"Randy. You have kids and a wife to worry about. We don't need to go there!" 

"Yeah well, Kirby feels like what Mindy might be as she gets older and I'd want some legacy character to help her too. If you want, I can drop you off at the station but I'm going there and getting her out at least…Possibly Gale but if not. Meh. She lived a good life." 

Your face soured. Usually YOU were the one giving these hairbrained brave ideas because of Billy or Stu…You grunted and smacked your hand on the window. "Damn it, Ray!" You sighed loudly. "I can't beileve were fucking doing this. We stick together no matter what. We keep a weapon on us-" You handed him Pepper Spray from your pocket and a knife. He took it while at a stop sign. "We try to get Kirby out. If not? We leave. We drive to at least the outside of the police station. Lock the doors and wait till sun up or we drive till the wheels fall off this thing, alright?" 

Randy gave a firm nod  "Sounds like a plan." 

You looked out the window with a bad feeling in your stomach. You knew the killer was going to strike you tonight no matter who you were with or where you went. At least at the party there were a bunch of people and open space for you and Randy to get away. 

'FUCK!' 

[badwolfwho1]

It's halfway through the year? Got any favorite albums/books/tv shows/whatever to recommend?

So for the first time I have actually been keeping a spreadsheet with the intent of ranking all the things this year to keep track of what I've read/watched etc and not rely on my memory so in theory this should be easy but in truth I've only been updating it for movies and books so I will have to rely on my memory after all.

Albums

I do not keep track of the albums I've been listening but I have been listening to Avantasia's discography lately and it's all been hitting for me, I think the Wicked Symphony especially was my favourite of their work.

I also listened to The Moody Blues' 'Days of Future Passed' just today so I'll mention that as well, I enjoyed it. (I fully intended to come back here and write some more later but I guess I didn't, it's neat I guess)

Judging based off my liked songs on Spotify I really liked most of Deep Purple's album 'House of Blue Light' and both of Savage Garden's albums.

For a perennial I still love The Bangles' third album "Everything", my first listen I had a few standouts like "In Your Room", "Be With You", "Something to Believe In" but I currently adore pretty much every track on there.

Have I listened to much modern this year? Alas no I am cursed by most of my current listening habits coming from deciding to check out whatever is being referenced in the current episode of Jojo that I'm rewatching and since I just reached Part 5 that means at best they'll be 25 years old.

Books

I've actually kept track of my books so this should be easy, 'Catch 22'; It's a classic for a reason, it's just really really good.

The Adrian Tchaikovsky zone; I read 'City of Last Chances', its sequel 'House of Open Wounds' and the final part of the Final Architecture trilogy 'Lords of Uncreation' this year, all phenomenal (2, 3 and 4 on my books of the year list), City of Last Chances slightly pips the others (and as the opener to a series is the easiest rec). You get a huge and diverse range of points of view all over a city under imperial occupation, great worldbuilding as I always expect from him. There's even a giant centipede what more can you ask for? (I'm also reading his Alien Clay right now, that's a stand alone novel starring a scientist exiled to a work camp on another planet because of his political activism, real good so far, love all the weird alien life it has. It'll probably be joining the Tchaikovsky zone unsure where at though yet)

Oh I've just noticed Bret Hart's biography isn't on my list so I gotta say "Hitman", incredible. The life of a wrestler is wild and Bret Hart especially has had quite the life. So much I didn't know about. The best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be (but not the best on my list).

The rest of my top ten, CL Clarke's 'The Unbroken' and 'The Faithless', Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone's 'This is How You Lose the Time War', AK Larkwood's 'The Ten Thousand Eyes' and Garth Marenghi's Terrortome

Games

I feel like I've barely played any games this year. Slay the Spire is still the only Roguelike you'll ever need. I'll be replaying Slay the Princess when Pristine Cut comes out later this year so I'll throw that in here, that's an incredible horror visual novel, tons of branching paths, all voice acted to perfection. I'm in the middle of a Freedom Planet replay, so if you like classic 2D Sonic games this is a really good Soniclike

(Me from after I wrote all this) Oh yeah Hades II exists and I somehow forgot about it I have no idea how that happened. Yeah Supergiant (I always have to double check that in case I write Supermassive) always hits, every single one of their games is gold, Hades II continues that trend. It might still be Early Access but it quite comfortably surpasses release Hades I in content so I am incredibly excited to see how it grows.

Movies

Number 1 at my list is Godzilla Minus One, it's so good, I watched it last year, I watched it this year I'll probably watch it again in the Minus Colour version. I'm a Godzilla mark (I still have at least some objectivity Godzilla x Kong sitting at 12 hasn't even broken into my top 10, wait Oppenheimer isn't on here probably 13 then) and while I've definitely not even nearly seen of all Godzilla's filmography I think this is him comfortably at his best. As in all of his best films as a metaphor as well as a giant radioactive dinosaur.

I watched Rashomon the other day and it feels like a real basic thing to say but yeah Rashomon's really good, as with Catch-22 it's a classic for a reason. Not good enough to surpass a radioactive dinosaur apparently but what can?

And my number three on my list, Asteroid City, great framing device, great set design. Just a genuinely fascinating movie, had complete hold of my interest at all times.

The rest of my top ten in order The Banshees of Inisherin, Monster, Speed, The Menu, Happy Death Day, Scream, Scream 2 (Maybe Happy Death Day should be lower than the Screams actually) Oppenheimer is probably going to land somewhere in that top 10 as well.

TV

Delicious in Dungeon is good, everyone knows Delicious in Dungeon is good, everyone's watching it. World building, funny, great cast its all there, I should read the manga some time. I should definitely read more manga in general.

I've also watched The 8 Show, a Korean Drama show. Eight strangers are offered a chance to participate in a psuedo game show where they live on eight seperate floors and are paid money for the length of time the show goes on. The ones living on the lower floors earn less money and the ones on the higher ones earn more. (Shockingly it's a metaphor for capitalism). Things fairly rapidly degenerate. You'll obviously think of Squid Game watching this and its not as good as Squid Game but its still pretty good.

And obvs you know I'm still on that Buffy watch, on the cusp of finishing Series 6 of Buffy, the most frustrating so far in that it has some good ideas dragged down by a number of terrible decisions; magic becoming a metaphor for drugs, having to see those three nerds on screen frequently, that death etc etc.

Oh yeah I'm watching the Acolyte, I'm not gonna say its great but like its shockingly decent. Falls far short of Andor but aside from that its probably one of the best Star Wars shows they've made. If you like Star Wars this is one of the better shows to check out.

(Somehow I forgot I watched all of Hacks this year!?!?!?!) Great stuff, love those two. Hope they continue to be weird about each other forever.

Other

I'd love to rec a manga but I cantinue to only read two manga which are Hajime no Ippo and Jojo and they're both over 30 years old and still going and I cannot recommend something that long. Last time I mentioned Ippo was like at least six months ago I think I said it was slowly moving towards a conclusion it has moved no closer to a conclusion since then I think it's gonna be another decade. I still love it my favourite character is probably going to have his character arc finished by the end of the current arc, Mashiba's is going to become world champion, he is going to be respected rather than just feared, he's going to have friends, he is going to defeat the personification of the dirty boxing style that carried him through most of his career and he's going to stop being so overprotective over his sister. Either that or he'll get injured and have to retire from boxing forever in a karmic callback to his original sin in boxing when he broke Miyata's foot like thirtyodd years ago. Hopefully the first one.

[crevicedwelling]

Hey I wanted to say that your blog has helped me harness the joy I normally only get from finding bigger animals (frogs, birds, mammals) out in the world for the little buggy guys too. I looked at your house centipede tag and realized I had the same feeling of surprise and curiosity and joy as I normally only get when like, I spot a coyote or a hawk or something on my commute. I’m starting to feel that way even when I see bugs that used to frighten me and it just unlocks so much more opportunity for happiness in my day-to-day life… the little critters are all around us… thank you for helping me love them!!! 💜🐛🖤🕷💛🪲

this happens even to me! tiny creatures are easy to overlook, but that means there’s even more to explore, and it’s probably much closer to you. today I found 3 mite species, 4 springtails, a centipede, an ant colony, a snail, a worm, and a baby salamander all under a piece of bark the size of my shoe

[zooophagous]

I was just thinking the other day that I was jealous of people who get house centipedes because I think they're so cool and I've never seen one but today I spotted a huge one in my bathroom if I can catch her I'm keeping her as a pet lol

[anatomicaltheatre]

list of bugs ive found in my room recently

- ants (somany)(they're gone now don't worry)

- extremely medium size wolf spider

- tiny planthopper

- house centipede

- fruit flies

- green stinkbug (today. my cat found it)

curating my own ecosystem in here . i gues

[moonsb1996]

World of Ashes Lore (my Oc world history) p7

Hello everyone, @the-invisible-introvert-2004 and @lucia1234lizeth This morning my house was invaded by centipedes because of my cat. In a tropical country like this, they are as scary as snakes or bears! But don't worry, I'm not dead yet! Just a little demoralized

at street XXX City G. Country XXX. Photo taken of one member. “The Cult of the God of Destruction” raised a sign across the front of the Celene project's spaceship factory.

Private voice recording of Queen Annalee of the Irithyll Kingdom.

A: Are you recording again?

C: Or would you like to meet An old man knocks on your front door. Because you're dealing with the "king's treasure"?

A: I'll throw myself from the 5th floor (sigh)

C: ...(sighs) Felipe, you're a lady.

A: Oh! Acting like my father again? I must be happy. That old man never even knew my birthday (laughs).

C: It's not funny.

A: I know, I know. Go see your mother. It's been a while since you two went to the opera.

C: (sighs) OK, don't forget.

A&C: If you feel danger, send a signal.

C:...

A: You can go. I can take care of myself.

(Crow walks out the door. The sound of the door closing)

A: Because you'll listen to me say, I love you, the father I never had.

(Sound of door opening)

XXX: It was really a very strange business talk, Madam... very luxurious.

A: Oh! Believe me, all of your treasures that humanity has today are because of you. Tea or coffee?

XXX: I don't accept drinks from my employer. Even if you are a beautiful person

A: Of course you're not the person I want to hang out with.

XXX: (laughs) Oh! It really hurts. You spending this much money must be a big deal...Who do I have to go get "my stuff" back from?

(Sound of paper rubbing against the table)

XXX:...(opens the envelope)...It seems like this task is beyond my reach.

A: No trapdoor or safe can escape your reach... Humanity depends on your mercy, Phantom Thief.

PT:...I have a question.

A: Please (bring tea and drink)

PT: What makes only me have to accept a job like this?

A: (choking on tea) I don't want to die. And sorry, I won't say , So… do you accept this job?

PT:…Wow! Madam, I need money to use...Would you like a handkerchief? Your shirt is all stained with tea.

End of audio recording

We'll be on to the next chapter of the story soon and I'm excited for you guys to enjoy it as well !