#but like. I love the message & identify with the concept or whatever

[squirrelthing85]

I am all for being corruptionpilled jane prentiss kin or whatever in Theory (being consumed by what loves me) but my ass? Could Not handle the bugs. Maybe I’m a poser. but I’m sorry my love. Creepy Crawlies in my House and Home? I shudder at the thought

[n3xii]

How to read energy with tarot and oracle cards

Energy can be read in a variety of ways, you can feel it, see it or even ''know'' it cognitively. But a universal way to read ALL energy is by using tarot and oracle cards. This method is perfect for analyzing the details of your own aura because you can identify what blockages there are, where they came from, how to heal them etc.

But first, let's talk about DECKS. You can use any deck to read energy, litterally any deck you feel a connection to will do perfect. but preferably the deck is artistic and has alot of details, symbols, colors, or even references to chakras and different spiritual concepts. I will have a post soon with a list of deck recommendations based on different topics in spirituality soon, so refer to that if you'd like!

Prepare your space: when tapping into your own energy, or someone else's, you will want to do some prep beforehand by clearing your mind and focusing on your intention. I don't think it's appropriate to "cleanse' yourself before doing this type of reading IN MY OPINON, the whole point of energy reading is to read what's currently in your energy. How can you do that if you CLEANSE IT. Use your cards to help identify whats currently in your aura, whats effecting you, and if there's external energy that's disturbing you, then cleanse if needed! if you want to cleanse the deck itself, thats up to you but I think that's the best idea.

2. Choose a spread (if you prefer spreads.): to be honest, I think if you're gonna use spreads, regardless of experience level, the reading will actually be more successful. this is because you can configure and customize the spread to be WHATEVER you need in that moment. You want to read your aura? pull a card for each layer of the aura, OR, pull a card for energy thats leaving your aura, energy thats currently in your aura, and energy that's coming in. you want to read someone elses energy? pull a card that represents their aura, a card for how their energy is effecting themselves or others, a card for whats contributing to their energy ETC.

3. shuffle and focus: shuffle your cards in your preferred method and focus on whom you're reading for. if you're reading for someone else, let them touch the cards. if thats not applicable, focus on an aspect or characteristic of that person.

4. lay out your cards/spread

5. pay attention to reversed cards. if you read reversals, these can be indicators of blockages OR of energies that are dissipating, it depends on the meaning of the card. For example, ten of swords reversed may indicate that the energies of betrayal, endings and despair is leaving your life. Meanwhile, the upright meaning by indicate a blockage. use context and your intuition to interpret cards.

6. Pay attention to colors: colors in a card and tone can indicate the color of your aura. here's a list of aura colors, this list doesnt contain all of them but it's a good starting point.

Red: Energetic, passionate, and strong-willed.

Orange: Creative, adventurous, and enthusiastic.

Yellow: Intellectually curious, cheerful, and optimistic.

Green: Compassionate, harmonious, and nurturing.

Blue: Communicative, calm, and spiritually connected.

Purple: Intuitive, visionary, and spiritually aware.

Pink: Loving, empathetic, and affectionate.

White: Pure, spiritually awakened, and balanced.

Silver: Intuitive, psychic, and open to new ideas.

Gold: Enlightened, wise, and spiritually evolved.

Black: Protective, strong-willed, and potentially blocking energy.

Brown: Grounded, practical, and connected to the Earth.

Gray: Indecisive, emotionally neutral, and detached.

Indigo: Highly intuitive, sensitive, and perceptive.

Turquoise: Creative, communicative, and balanced in emotions.

7. Pay attention to symbols: symbols can be signs from the universe or carry extra messages about your/someone's elses energy. here's a list of common symbols in tarot AND oracle decks

tarot:

Celtic Knots: Represent interconnectedness, cycles, and eternity.

Roses: Symbolize love, beauty, and balance.

Laurel Wreaths: Signify victory, honor, and achievement.

Sphinx: Represents wisdom, mystery, and enigma.

Cherub/Angel: Symbolizes divine guidance, purity, and protection.

Ankh: Represents life, vitality, and eternal existence.

Infinity Symbol (∞): Signifies limitless potential, eternity, and balance.

Butterflies: Symbolize transformation, growth, and renewal.

Ouroboros (Snake Eating Its Tail): Represents cyclical nature, infinity, and rebirth.

Keys: Signify unlocking hidden knowledge, opportunities, and solutions.

Hourglass: Symbolizes time, cycles, and the fleeting nature of life.

Mystical Gates: Represent opportunities, choices, and thresholds.

Lion: Signifies strength, courage, and boldness.

Scorpion: Symbolizes transformation, regeneration, and intensity.

Scales: Represent balance, justice, and equilibrium.

Winged Creatures: Signify the spirit, transcendence, and higher knowledge.

Wreaths: Symbolize victory, achievement, and honor.

Ships/Boats: Signify journeys, exploration, and movement.

Bulls: Represent determination, stubbornness, and material wealth.

Stars: Symbolize hope, inspiration, and guidance from the cosmos.

Crescent Moon: Signifies intuition, change, and the feminine energy.

Skulls: Symbolize mortality, transformation, and facing one's fears.

Clouds: Represent uncertainty, confusion, and change in perspective.

Castle: Signifies protection, security, and the inner self.

Serpents: Symbolize knowledge, transformation, and hidden wisdom.

Lightning: Signifies sudden change, revelation, and powerful energy.

Pyramids: Represent spirituality, ascension, and hidden truths.

Cross: Symbolizes sacrifice, faith, and spiritual growth.

Oracle cards:

Animals: Animal symbols can represent qualities, characteristics, and messages associated with specific animals. For example, a lion might symbolize courage and strength, while a butterfly could signify transformation and growth.

Hearts: Hearts are associated with love, emotions, and matters of the heart. Their presence in a card can indicate love, compassion, or emotional healing.

Stars: Stars symbolize inspiration, guidance, and divine energy. They may suggest hope and opportunities.

Moons: Moons are linked to cycles, intuition, and the subconscious. They can imply the need for introspection or changes in emotions.

Sun: The sun represents success, vitality, and enlightenment. It may indicate a positive outcome or a period of happiness.

Keys: Keys symbolize unlocking potential, solutions, and opportunities. They suggest that answers are within reach.

Crossroads: Crossroads represent choices and decisions. They can indicate a need to make a significant life decision or consider options.

Water: Water symbolizes emotions, intuition, and fluidity. It may suggest a need to navigate your feelings or adapt to changes.

Fire: Fire represents passion, transformation, and energy. It may suggest the need for action or a burst of inspiration.

Feathers: Feathers are often associated with messages from the spirit realm and can imply the need to pay attention to signs and synchronicities.

Coins/Pentacles: These symbols often relate to material matters, finances, and practical concerns. They may suggest issues related to money or resources.

Clouds: Clouds can symbolize uncertainty, confusion, or a clouded judgment. They may suggest the need for clarity.

Doors: Doors represent new opportunities, opportunities, and transitions. They may suggest entering a new phase in life.

Trees: Trees symbolize growth, strength, and connection to nature. They can suggest personal development and grounding.

Angels: Angels represent divine guidance, protection, and higher wisdom. Their presence can indicate a need for spiritual guidance or support.

Spirals: Spirals symbolize evolution, cycles, and personal growth. They suggest that you are on a journey of self-discovery.

Mandalas: Mandalas often represent unity, wholeness, and balance. They suggest the need to find harmony in your life.

Roses: Roses symbolize love, beauty, and passion. They may suggest matters of the heart or self-love.

Wings: Wings can symbolize freedom, elevation, and spirituality. They suggest a desire for greater understanding and spiritual growth.

Rainbows: Rainbows are a symbol of hope, promises, and blessings. They can suggest that positive developments are on the horizon.

Thats all for this post so far, I hope you found it informative and you're welcome to add any more tips to this post if you'd like!

[doodlejoltik]

grass knot

[~4.5k words, read it here or on Ao3. tagged with Volo and Lance since they appear as prominent characters; Rei-centric]

Why is it that even the thought of confiding in Akari, his closest friend, makes something constrict in his chest, choking out the words?

Rei, caught in the stirrings of a new arc, tries to rise to its call, but trips over the past at every turn.

A full rewrite of that Mysterious Stones chapter where Volo first shows up, from Rei’s POV, plus a bit more. Written mostly before the Arceus Arc began.

(Setting expectations: a lot of this fic is just Rei Thinking About Stuff haha. Love getting into his head! His characterisation is a little bit different/more nuanced compared to the other Rei oneshot I wrote; hopefully you'll still be along for the ride if you've read that one!)

-

“Show me thy bond.” It echoes inside Rei’s skull, down to the very bone, the same as in his earliest memories. He nearly buckles under its weight, but it's a welcome feeling.

After so long without direction, this is a relief. Arceus has finally spoken.

The words fit perfectly with the half-remembered fragments Rei had received some weeks ago in the middle of the night. Why hadn't they been intelligible then? What makes now different? The sync stones ultimate are one factor, of course. Maybe Arceus draws power from them, which is strange to say of a deity, but from what he knows of the Plates, it might not be so far-fetched.

Prince Lear disperses the murmuring crowd; so, the audience all heard it too, not just those on the arena floor. Professor Bellis congratulates Bettie. Cynthia, Lance and Steven whisper among themselves. And his mind still whirls with new theories as they gather together.

What does Arceus want? 

‘Seek out all Pokemon’ had meant completing the Pokedex. At least, that’s what he’d assumed. Now, this time, Arceus likely means for them to showcase bonds with their Pokemon, given the context. But what does that actually entail?

Cynthia’s words cut above everyone else's. “Rei. Was that voice…?”

All eyes are on him. He breathes deeply, steeling himself, as the familiar weight of it settles in. Things are moving, now. 

“Yes. I'm certain. That was —”

“Indeed! That was a message from Arceus!”

His words catch in his throat. Off-balance, suddenly, as all his thoughts fall away, replaced by a swooping feeling he can't quite identify —

He whirls around.

Volo is here.

He takes a few steps back, an involuntary half-stumble, before remembering himself. 

Those flashes of movement he's been seeing, the feeling of being watched, a Togepi, unattended: they’re all now terrifyingly validated. He'd half thought them a product of his overactive mind.

“Excuse-moi, pardon me… but who are you?” Professor Bellis ventures. 

“I'm Volo — a humble merchant who loves history and mythology!” With that, he flashes a winning smile. Rei could laugh at the sheer audacity of it all, but his thoughts are still strewn across the dusty ground, scattered, and they slip from his grasp as he tries to gather them up. Whatever sense of gravity he’d felt upon hearing Arceus’ voice has completely lifted.

“But more importantly!” Volo continues. “When the arena shone brightly, I also heard that voice.” He brings his hand up to point at the air with enthusiastic emphasis, a gesture still so terribly familiar. Rei clenches his fists, feeling the nails dig into his skin. Not really out of anger. More as a reminder.

The last time he’d seen Volo had been. Well. Memorable. But that isn’t the image that smiles back at him now, tripping him up. He's in Gingko uniform again, complete with ridiculous oversized backpack, which Rei had thought discarded, up there on the peak. Apparently not. Had Volo returned later, still seething, to collect his things? The concept is strangely hilarious.

“I wonder… these sync stones ultimate… might they be some sort of test from Arceus? If we could show him that ‘bond’ he desires —”

“Sorry, test? Arceus?” Cynthia interrupts with a frown, holding a hand out. “What makes you say that?”

“Why, it's quite simple. Arceus' presence was summoned by these stones, in this exhibition, and he requests us to further show our bond. What else could he desire?” Volo says, gesturing widely. 

Rei finally pulls himself upright — scrapes his thoughts together into something resembling coherence. The initial shock has drained away, settling into a distant sort of apprehension. He watches silently. Volo’s not really saying anything too unreasonable, but where is this leading? 

There’s so much he doesn’t know. What has Volo been doing, all this time? How long has he been on Pasio? What does he hope to gain, approaching them like this?

He’ll let Volo continue, then. It's an opportunity for some of those questions to be answered.

(And it gives Rei time to think of what to say.)

“Well, put that way, that does make sense,” Steven nods along. “Should we organise for more trainers to try the stones, then?” 

“Oui, I would love to gather more data!” Professor Bellis answers. “However, the stones are still quite volatile. There is progress on this, yes, but for now, I would like to limit their use, capisci?” 

At this, Bettie speaks up. “Yeah, it was weird.” She runs a hand through her Pikachu’s fur, the mouse curled up lazily in her arms. Nobody in Hisui was quite that affectionate with their Pokemon. Certainly not Akari, though she'd grown closer with her own Pikachu over time. As for himself, Decidueye had been standoffish, averse to being carried even as a baby Rowlet. Well, actually — as his distracted mind digs deeper into memory, he recalls — there had been Volo and his Togepi. 

He casts that errant thought away, buries it deep once again. Bettie is still speaking.

“And it was like nothing was there, at first, and Pikachu and I had to concentrate really hard. And then — whoosh! Wow! Overwhelming,” she shifts Pikachu’s weight to one arm to gesture with emphasis, “and all at once.”

“And this is when Arceus spoke,” Lance asks. 

Bettie nods, now subdued. “It was a rush! I think you guys could handle it, but I dunno if everyone could.”

“If I may,” and all attention returns to Volo. “It seems the stones can currently be used by trainers with particularly powerful convictions, and bonds with their Pokemon,” he gestures with a smile to Bettie. She blushes. 

At the casual flattery, Rei can't help the small frown that twists onto his face. It seems innocent enough, but compliments and niceties can so easily mask true intent. 

Especially with Volo.

Volo continues. “Perhaps we might solve this by way of a tournament, of sorts. Allowing Arceus to witness our talent and dedication, with the victor bestowed the honour of using the stones! Of course, the winner of such a competition would have the fortitude necessary to handle such power.”

Well, taking that to its logical end… Volo wants to win, and be granted this ‘honour’ he so conveniently proposed. But why go to all this trouble? The stones appear out in the streets quite often — apparently, found even by preschoolers. Volo should have no trouble obtaining them.

Does he know something they don't?

“Bettie here led the first winning PML team, did she not?” At this, the girl in question smiles Mareepishly. “And that is why she was the one to demonstrate the stones, I presume,” Volo inclines his head towards the Champions.

Informed guess, or something more? He thinks back on half-seen, furtive movements, and wonders. 

“That's right,” Steven confirms. “Bettie is a shining example to us: a leader of the next generation. We decided there was no better choice.” 

“So you suggest we hold another tournament,” Lance says thoughtfully. “Well, there is precedent. Prince Lear,” he turns to the Prince, whom Rei had honestly half forgotten was there. “What do you think?”

Before Lear can reply, Volo reinserts himself into the conversation. “It would be a grand tournament, truly fitting of Pasio's reputation. Why, perhaps, the deity Arceus might even be compelled to descend —”

Ah. So that’s what he intends. “Aren't you getting ahead of yourself there?” Rei interrupts. He means to sound stern, but it comes out sounding more incredulous. Not at the idea itself, but at how brazenly it’s admitted.

“Perhaps,” Volo says with a careless shrug. He doesn’t acknowledge Rei any differently than the others, still maintaining their inadvertently shared ruse. “It's only speculation, of course, but it is exciting to think about!”

“Hmph! I believe I was the one being addressed,” Prince Lear declares, arms crossed. His red shades flash dangerously, eyes hidden under their glint. Directed at him, it's almost like the full glare of an Alpha Pokemon.

Rei’s face flushes with heat to the tips of his ears. Great time he picked to enter the discussion. He quietly ducks his head down; the Prince is in charge, here, after all. He'd rather not test his patience. 

Meanwhile, Volo just smiles, seemingly unfazed. 

There's a part of him that really wants to know how Volo does that. It's just — he's so confident. How can he be so sure that everything will work out in his favour?

“A grand tournament,” Prince Lear ponders, tapping his foot. “And what could be grander than the second Pokemon Masters League?”

“Indeed!” Volo beams. “I'm sure the audience would love to see the clash between a king and a deity, would they not?”

Lear's tapping stills. His guarded stance loosens; he's taken aback. Volo emphasised king, and oh, Lear's official title is Prince. Hm.

There's something more deliberate about it beyond just casual flattery. 

Lear uncrosses his arms and seems at a loss, for a moment, on where to put them before straightening up with his hands on hips. “Is that so?” He laughs. “I like the sound of that!” A pause, unnecessarily dramatic. Nobody breaks the silence, not even Volo. 

The Prince looks around with some satisfaction and continues. “Very well, then. The winning team of the second PML will be granted the honour of using the sync stones ultimate.” He grins, sharply, red shades flashing once again. “Which will include me, of course. Hahahahaha!”

“You have a real gift for making quick decisions!” Volo says cheerfully. The tension breaks. Chuckles arise from the rest of the group, and Rei can only stare in disbelief. That — that has to be mockery, right? But everyone else seems to take it as light teasing, even the quick-tempered Prince himself. 

Against his better judgement, his gaze catches Volo’s. 

He doesn't know what he expects to see: amusement? Satisfaction? Triumph? And there's some of that, but it's a wry, knowing sort of look, like a joke shared only between the two of them. 

Already the others are starting to animatedly discuss between themselves. Bettie makes a teasing comment to Lear, who scoffs. Professor Bellis says something about checking in on the sync stone technology. Cynthia, Lance and Steven form their own little group again, speaking in low tones, and he can't quite follow their discussion. 

It seems like he's the only one who notices Volo quietly slipping away, and he's got half a mind to do the same. 

Would it be incredibly ill-advised to follow him? Probably. But he still has questions. And it’s possible that Volo will let his guard down when they're alone. 

(Even to him, that seems incredibly optimistic. But there’s things between them that he himself would rather only unearth in private. Maybe Volo feels the same way. And even if not, perhaps he'll gloat, or tease playfully, and let on something of use hidden in the thorned barbs.)

It's not like he has much left to contribute here. Tournaments and competitions and organised displays are foreign to him. The Neo Champion Stadium had felt so different from the kind of battles he’s used to… which, in part, could be why he lost. 

He needs to train. If everything rests on the result of this tournament, he has to be ready. 

The group seems to be naturally dispersing, at least — Professor Bellis just excused herself — so he won't be missed. With some quick words, he, too, turns to leave. They can handle this part, and Rei will do his. 

Prince Lear had mentioned a winning team, and Pasio battles are generally three on three, from what he's seen. Who could he ask? There's Akari, of course. And the clan leaders, but it would feel strange to team up with only one and not the other. A little bit too reminiscent of another time. 

His steps carry him nearly to the edge of the arena.

Besides, he's getting ahead of himself. He still has to… well, he should explain everything to them. About Volo.

Even all these months later, it still aches. He had buried it all, hoping to let it rot away, to be free of that thorny mass of contradictory feelings that arose every time he dwelled on it. 

But the longer he waits, the more impossible it seems to explain — to explain not only the events of that fateful day, but also his own, confusing silence on the matter. Though he’s tried to plough the field, turn it all over and start anew, it still lies just beyond the surface, and a single misstep is all it takes to snarl him all over again. Why is it that even the thought of confiding in Akari, his closest friend, makes something constrict in his chest, choking out the words?

(Akari is unquestionably the one person he's closest to. But there was a time when that singular title wasn't so clear cut.)

There’s a sort of tunnel that leads out of the stadium, a long darkened archway that passes under the audience stands. He's about halfway through when he hears footsteps from behind, swift and purposeful strides. 

His breath catches, for a moment. But Volo left first, and the arena had been flat and wide, with no corners to lurk in. Besides, it's too loud. Clearly telegraphed.

Cynthia, maybe? 

He turns. The face that greets Rei is slightly less familiar. “Lance,” he acknowledges the Champion. 

“Rei,” Lance greets in turn, stopping a few paces away. Arms crossed, silhouetted against the light of the arena and framed by the tunnel’s dark, arching walls, his tall figure is — intimidating. 

He can’t help but wonder whether that's deliberate. 

“You left before I could ask,” Lance says, and there's a pause. “As someone who has prior experience with Arceus, what do you think of all this?”

A fair enough question. But the way it's said… sounds a little too carefully worded. Casual, but purposefully so.

What sort of answer does Lance expect? 

“It sounds reasonable enough,” he decides to say. As much as he hates to lend credence to Volo’s proposal, he can't think of anything better. It somehow seems to suit their needs perfectly, which he's sure is no accident. “Back in Hisui, I was told to seek out all Pokemon, so I helped with the Pokedex. In the same way, I guess this could help fulfil Arceus' new request.”

Lance nods along, but his brows furrow. “You sounded more sceptical, earlier,” he points out. 

Ah. Not really his intent, but… “That was about the more…” he casts about for the right word, “speculative part of it. I don't know if it would really call Arceus down, or anything like that.” Though honestly, he doesn't know that it won't.

“What do you think will happen, then?” Lance asks, with clear curiosity, and, well. He doesn't really have a good answer to that. 

“... I don't know,” he admits. “I never actually completed the Pokedex, so I'm not sure what happens after Arceus’ request is fulfilled.” He had been close, but there had still been so many minor tasks that needed finishing, things to busy himself with, to arrange and get in order before he had to face Giratina again. 

He hadn't been ready, yet. Maybe Arceus had grown impatient, and brought him here to confront his problems directly. Maybe it cared. Maybe it didn't. 

(Seeing Giratina with Cynthia had felt a little like he was the punchline of some divine comedy.)

Lance purses his lips and looks off into the distance, out of the stadium, past Rei. He wishes he could read the man’s expressions better; as it is, the set of his brows calls to mind Kamado, and everything else tangled up with it. 

Finally, Lance’s gaze turns directly to Rei once again, and he speaks. “That Volo… you two know each other.” 

It’s not a question, but even then, the expression of unguarded surprise he can’t hold back might be answer enough.

Lance has one hand on his hip, the other, at rest, is framed by the drape of his cape. He looks down at Rei as he states plainly, “His clothes aren’t of modern make, so the logical assumption would be that he’s from Hisui. Cynthia confirmed my suspicion. And, historically, Hisuian communities were few and quite tightly knit. It’s more likely than not.” 

He tries to keep his expression carefully neutral, as logic digs deeper, dangerously close to things unexplainable. And the earth is already recently disturbed, soft, friable. He can’t offer much resistance. “I've seen him around,” he concedes.

“But why did neither of you acknowledge the other?” Lance looks confused; frustrated, even. “Even a passing acquaintance would be notable, with both of you being here in the future.”

And here — this is familiar. The accusations. The questions he can’t answer. But it’s different; it’s not that he doesn’t know the answers. He just can’t seem to put them in an order that would make sense, to anyone else.

(Does he really understand, himself?)

But eyes are on him, and he needs to explain, in whatever unsatisfactory way he can. “Volo and I… it's complicated,” he laughs weakly, tugging at his scarf. “He genuinely does love history and mythology, you know. I guess I wouldn't be that surprised if he was right about Arceus.” All those times they’d pored over ruins together, Volo excitedly babbling on about whatever legend this one related to — there had to have been the seed of something real, something genuine, in that. 

It’s not really an answer. Lance can obviously tell, because he crosses his arms. 

“Is he bad news?” he asks bluntly. 

There’s no twisting his way out of this one.

Some of the panic he’s feeling must bubble up onto his face, because Lance’s expression softens, just a bit. The man sighs. “Look, Rei, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but us Champions need to have all the relevant information. This tournament, the stones,” he gestures around them, “affect everyone here on Pasio. So I’m sorry about involving myself in your business, but it's necessary. Should we be keeping an eye on Volo?” 

It’s obvious what the correct answer is. And every second he delays responding makes him seem all the more untrustworthy. He questions, a little hysterically, why this of all things is what he stubbornly roots himself for, risking this place he’s made for himself in another unfamiliar land. 

But his jaw works, and all that slips out of his throat, past the thorny tangle, is a “Maybe.” The most ground he can concede. “Volo’s… passionate about Arceus.” Which is perhaps the biggest understatement of both this century and the last. 

There's an expectant pause. He almost leaves it at that, but it seems it's too unfinished a sentiment for Lance. “He wants to be seen by it.”

“The same way you are?” Lance says sharply. Arceus, he picked up on that fast. Rei hopes he leaves it at that. A rivalry fallen apart, twisted into bitterness and jealousy, nothing more.

Nothing world-ending. 

It’s not like he doesn’t trust Cynthia, and by extension the other Champions. It’s just… he can deal with it himself. It’s what he was probably brought here to do, anyway. The thought of someone else turning him over, and finding him lacking — fighting his battles for him — makes him uneasy. 

“Yeah, something like that,” he answers, with a painful swallow. 

Besides, he hopes he can resolve this peacefully. He’d beaten Volo before, even after he’d flipped the rules of battle on their head. And this time Volo can’t upend the script; one good thing about tournaments, he supposes, is that the rules are rigorously upheld. A different sort of battleground.

He wants to laugh at that. Suppositions and wildly optimistic thoughts are his only foundation, and yet it’s enough for him to reject all possibility of outside help.

Then again, if he can’t even bring himself to tell Akari, what chance does he have of breaking that self-imposed silence, here, on less familiar ground?

Lance hums, assessing this. He uncrosses his arms. “If that friend of yours does anything drastic, tell us, alright?” he says. It’s said warmly, but there's something serious to it. An undertone. “Our job is to help out wherever we can, so don’t hesitate to reach out.”

Rei tries for a smile. “Understood.”  

Lance nods, and looks Rei up and down, though it's only a subtle flicker of his eyes. His gaze lingers on the scarf at Rei’s neck, which Rei realises he’s been fidgeting with unconsciously. He lets go with faint embarrassment, feeling caught out. 

The other man sighs. “You can go, you know?” There’s resignation in his voice. Maybe even something apologetic. In that moment, he seems more like Kamado than ever.

Rei doesn’t want to turn his back to him, but he wants to be here even less. So he nods, stiffly, and turns himself around, continuing the dark walk through the tunnel and out the stadium at a steady pace.

He doesn’t run.  

(But his hand hovers by his satchel, where Decidueye's Pokeball rests.)

It’s only when he’s walked for a good while, out into the harsh sunlight, through the town outskirts and to a more forested spot, that the tension drains from him. He sits at the base of a large tree, feeling a little lightheaded.

That was… an interrogation, to put it bluntly. And he can’t really fault Lance for it. To anyone, he's sure, his actions are confusing at best.

Unfortunately, he’s found that he’s less than clear headed when it comes to Volo. He turns over Lance’s final words. That friend of yours. It’s not surprising Lance phrased it that way; everything Rei had said had been carefully woven to lead him to that conclusion.

Except it hadn’t been misdirection, not fully. He does still think of Volo as his friend, despite everything.

He slumps backwards, against the trunk of the tree, feeling the rough bark dig against the base of his skull. 

What is he supposed to do with that?

Apparently, one of the worst days of his life isn’t enough to uproot over a year of growing camaraderie and budding friendship. Too many memories knot together, a stubborn tangle impossible to pick apart. He’s tried not to think about them too hard, but they tighten their hold once again, from where they lay dormant and buried.

Many of them have been forcibly recontextualised. He’s second guessed every helpful gift, every directly admiring word, every coincidental and fortunate appearance, as something deliberate and cultivated. But some of it, it seems, doesn't fit so neatly with that singular goal.

One day, they’d watched Togepi use Metronome for an hour, ostensibly for Rei’s surveying purposes. Important documentation of a seemingly random phenomenon, and all that. In actuality, they laughed the entire time, with no useful or coherent records to speak of, as the results became all the more improbable. 

They’d camped together, those last months, as the search for the Plates got wilder and more exciting. He knows Volo’s favoured way to build a camp-fire, and how he wakes up unreasonably early in the morning, and that he prefers sweet foods over savoury, unlike Rei himself. A hundred mundane familiarities shared, taking root in fallow ground.

Once, Volo had been his only friend in the entire world.

Is it surprising, then, that he can’t lay this friendship to rest so easily?

He wonders what it means, that the hand offered to him at his lowest point was the same one that always meant to drag him back down. And what it means that he still wants to reach for it.

Had any real feelings been sowed there, on Volo’s part? Or was the entire thing a carefully constructed weaving, an intricate field of grass knots laid around Rei, ready to catch him in their snare? 

He can’t quite strangle the hope that something of their friendship still exists, even if neglected and overgrown. And that’s the part that scares him.

He has Akari, and Adaman, and Irida. He has Professor Laventon and the Captain, though they’re far away. Then there’s the Wardens, more friendly faces: Mai, Sabi, Ingo, and all the others; there's Zisu and Pesselle and Beauregard and everyone else in Jubilife. New friends here on Pasio, too. 

He pulls out Decidueye’s Pokeball from his satchel, and rolls it around in his right hand. He has his beloved Starter.

He has friends. He has bonds.

Why can’t that be enough?

The Pokeball he’s holding isn't the original. He'd had to break that well-loved possession in two, and recapture Decidueye in this modern device. It's a distant echo of its predecessor, wooden grooves and clunky iron replaced by smooth metal and near imperceptible seams. The weight of it is all wrong. 

But despite that, it's still his partner, and that's what matters.

(The two broken halves sit in his satchel, too, carried on his person at all times. It's yet another thing he can't bring himself to let go of.)

He sighs, tracing formless shapes in the dirt. His hand finds one of the sparse clumps of grass that grow here, directly under this wide and mighty tree. Deprived of proper sun, it’s a miracle that there’s any at all. 

It seems more and more likely that he’ll end up looking for Volo on his own. To get answers: not only about the stones, and the tournament, and Volo’s intentions with Arceus, but also for his own ends. 

Maybe there’s still something there. A single glimpse of life in this scorched earth between them.

He doesn’t know what he’ll do then.

Where he sits, what little grass there is has grown long and ragged, as their leaves stretch and reach for the sun. He sets Decidueye’s ball down and plucks two long blades. With a few simple loops and twists, they’re deftly woven together into a knot. He considers it, looping it around his fingers; tightens it, pulling on both ends, until he can feel the entire construct threaten to snap from the force. He stops. 

The thing is, no matter if it was never meant to be real, deliberately sowed, intended ultimately for harvest — it’s all the same, to Rei. He wants to keep it alive. He’s hopeful. Naive. Selfish.

For a single, impossible moment, he wonders whether this is what Arceus meant by bonds all along. 

The knot goes in his satchel, where it will turn dry and brittle with time. But kept safe, unbroken, regardless. Maybe his future self will laugh at his sentimentality. Maybe, he won't remember why it’s there. 

Wouldn't that be for the best?

He tucks Decidueye’s ball away, with care, then hauls himself up, both hands braced against the dusty ground. There’s dirt under his fingernails. From under the tree’s darkened canopy, he squints into the afternoon sunlight.

There’s a lot that needs to be done. He needs to train for this tournament, for one. Learn more about modern battling. Pull together a team. With that, ask Akari, and perhaps Adaman or Irida. Confront Volo, somewhere in all of this. 

After that? Only Arceus knows.

One step at a time. 

He finds his footing, around gnarled roots. The grass crunches underfoot. And he steps into the light.

(So maybe I was just snared by the grass knots you laid in my path. But if I wove my own, would you fall for it too?)

[redditreceipts]

https://www.tumblr.com/genderkoolaid/736795285384216576/

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

The only coherent, non-rabidly misogynist and factually right thing OP say in this whole thing is at the very beginning when she recognized transgenderism as a completely made up modern human concept XDDDDD

Okay, let’s go through this word by word:

you can piss of both because it's just blatantly wrong and stupid. I could also say "the earth is flat" and piss of the catholic church and trans activists. what have I proven? nothing.

correct so far lmao

well yeah, everyone shares common experiences with trans and genderqueer people, because nobody identifies and behaves 100% according to their assigned gender at birth

woah, if I didn’t know that this was a gendie blog, I would think that this is a terf lmao. yes, some women are trans (aka trans men), and some men are trans as well (aka trans women)

I mean yeah, if you define “transphobia” as “opposition to gender nonconformity”, she sure as hell lived through transphobia. it’s just a bullshit definition, because being gender non conforming does not imply being trans. the thing with these definitions (i.e. defining trans as “not identifying with your gender assigned at birth” or defining transphobia as "an opposition to gender non-conformity") is that in this type of analysis, there is simply no space for gender non-conformity. every type of discrimination a gnc person experiences is transphobia, and every gnc person is trans or genderqueer.

yeah, maybe she just wore this type of clothing because she liked it. maybe she thought it looked stylish. maybe it suited her best. maybe she had sensory issues with skirts and dresses. maybe she really got a message from God. maybe she wanted to protect herself from sexual violence. it literally doesn’t matter, because she should be able to wear whatever she likes for whatever reason

good for her that she stood by what she wanted to do and started wearing the clothing she liked (which happened to be associated with the male sex in that time). and yeah, the society of that time was sexist, so they probably wanted to punish her for crossing gender roles

i mean, many gnc women wear clothes that are typically associated with the male sex for very different reasons, not just as a means to an end. women have always seen things that defy the patriarchy as vital to their soul, like loving other women, abortion, wearing certain clothes, doing certain trades etc. all of these things could have gotten them killed at one time or the other. you just pick “wearing masculine clothing”, because for you gender is just about fashion statements. 

also, nobody presents as cisfeminine, because femininity is an unreachable standard imposed by patriarchy, and “cis” would imply a total identification with that absurd standard. everyone is gnc in one sense or the other, some less and some much more, so there is really no inherent transness about Jeanne D’Arc. 

no, I don’t care about what the Catholic Church says, and we also don’t know whether Jeanne D’Arc actually heard some divine commandments or whether she just had mania or schizophrenia or something. It doesn’t matter at last, because “genderqueer” is not a useful analysis of anything. the human condition is one of being “genderqueer”, because at least for women, it is considered genderqueer to not shave - our natural bodies are “genderqueer”. you’re “queering” something that didn’t exist in the first place - a happily gender-conforming woman. Jean D’Arc is "genderqueer" because she did what she wanted, like every woman who does what she wants is "genderqueer". every free woman is “genderqueer”, every happy woman is "genderqueer", every courageous woman is "genderqueer". 

so in conclusion, this is not per se wrong, because gendies will just define any word how they like it and don’t do any analysis in the end, because the definition of things like “genderqueer” or “trans” is constructed in such a way that it always confirms the point the author wants to make. but because of its tautological nature, we don’t learn anything. 

but the huge problem with this type of analysis is that the language of “her gender expression”, “her masculine gender expression as vital to her soul”, and the individualised analysis of an experience that fundamentally, all women share to varying degrees: the inability to remain both a whole human and to submit to patriarchal demands. You can’t be gender-conforming and be a full autonomous member of society. And in that sense, being “trans” or “trans-adjacent” is an emotion that every woman shares, some more and some less. The thing is that gender roles were never meant to produce a woman that fulfils them completely, they were only ever meant to occupy women’s minds enough so they don’t start a revolution. 

But why do we have to call that very natural impulse “genderqueer”, implying that feeling like this distances you from womanhood in any way? Feeling like patriarchy is restrictive is the most female thing anyone could experience, and is a confirmation of Jean D’Arc’s womanhood. 

[miss-dollette]

Just saw your post about ace representation and I couldn’t agree more. I’m not personally asexual, so I obviously can’t fully identify with people who are. But the amount of sexual themes that always seem to be present is insane. Not to mention, the media without it typically gets less attention which is super unfortunate. Obviously some people still continue to upload how they want and don’t fall into the unspoken pressure of making content that’s sexual…just for it to be popular.

(Which I feel like is a whole other problem on its own.)

I’m also not Asexual. But I agree. I’m almost bored by the amount of copy-and-paste aphrodisiac fanfiction in cod tags. The same dialogue style (“‘s too big”) or that annoying little “:(“ people add instead of a period. Occasionally, something unique and special will pop up, something without someone trying to mimic another fic that got 10k hearts. Or people trying to copy that “hentai”-ish style. Oh, how I find hentai so distasteful. But this isn’t about that.

Anyway…

I just want something readable with a pleasant writing style and an original concept. With realistic sex, and fleshed out, canonical characters. Too many times, people mischaracterize our dear MW characters that we so love.

I believe we find common ground when it comes to the fact that I, too, find it shameful that the posts with hardly any or no amorous themes at all gets less attention than the ones that do. Especially the ones I dislike the most. Something could be a pure work of art, comparable to the top thousand books published in the last two centuries, yet hardly receive attention because it doesn’t make someone aroused.

Whatever happened to handholding? Or brushing fingers by accident? Yearning to leap into someone’s arm?

Aside from that, I believe the internet is a world where anything could be unleashed, whether I like it or not; but I will rant about it.

Thanks for messaging me. I love reading your thoughts.

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Okay I can't fucking take it anymore I need to lay all of the proofs on the table and figure out whether or not I'm actually crazy

This is not a mental health coming out post. Or maybe it is. Who fucking knows. I'm just trying to figure out whatever the fuck is going on with my brain.

I've been running around in circles for more than a year trying to find the truth while simultaneously denying it. Here I'm just going to list it all under the cut once and for all. And then, I don't know, I'll just hope for the best.

For most of my life I've always been experiencing conflicts "with myself", or my "conscience", or whatever I called it. I always felt cut in small parts, like there was something inside of me fighting against me

This has been a recurrent subject in my life. I started writing diaries at 11 years old and ever since then, there has been multiple entries, spread over several years through all of those diaries talking about "the little guys in my head", "the different parts of me", "the other half of me", "me and my conscience", etc, etc etc... I even wrote dialogues between them

I've been through a fair lot of traumas in my childhood. My coping mechanism at the time was to escape in my imagination, to invent worlds were I was someone else, with a different name and different personality, and I lived a different life. I thought there was a door in my wall that let me access to this "other dimension". I had a lot of imaginary friends. Basically I dissociated a lot

This one might be slightly less meaningful but I've had sudden personality/taste changes happening to me more than once through my life. When I was younger I suddenly stopped liking crepes and affirmed I never liked them when I very much did, though I can't remember ever liking the taste. My parents won't ever stop retelling this tale as they swear it happened so out-of-the-blue that they never understood what has happened to me. Later in middle school, I didn't like mangas and found them weird, until I woke up one morning and suddenly I loved them, without transition. It just hit me like a flash. More generally, I never truly felt like I was the same person through all of my life. It's like different me's existed at different periods, in cuts, and got replaced by another me after a while, but are still all existing inside of my head

Those changes can also happen on short periods of times. I'll start feeling weird and disconnected from my body, and behave/talk/walk/write differently from the usual. I had people asking me if I was intoxicated when I was completely sober, because I didn't "seem like myself". I had moments where I suddenly felt like an 8 years old child. I don't always recognize myself in the mirror. My gender change like the weather in a way where it's not mine, but it's like another gender overlaps my own. The pitch of my voice can also change

I never experienced black outs. I've seen people talk about the concept of "grey outs" which I recognize myself in, and more generally there's events or entire periods of my life I can't remember about, or barely, and in a way where I know the facts at an intellectual level but have no distinct, first-person memories of it. But no black outs. I'm always here but different, or floating above my body, but never absent

However, I do experience strong thoughts that aren't my own. Sometimes they're directly addressing to me. It's not voices but like very clear and distinct messages sent through my brain

I don't know where I'm going with this. I feel like an impostor and a bitch for even just talking about it. I know for certain that I don't have DID. As I said, I do not experience black outs and some other symptoms of this disorder, and I do not recognize myself entirely in the experience of DID systems.

Ever since I started giving more place to those 'parts', I started identifying distinct ones, with their own traits, quirks, personalities, vibes, etc. Close friends of mine also identified some of them over time. Some of them always had names that they identified with right away. But most importantly, they all have a "special goal/function/trait" that's specific to them, and for some of them, their origin can be traced way back in my childhood and their influence has been identified at different periods and in different aspects of my life

I came back later to realise I forgot to mention this, but I do experience depersonalisation and/or derealization a lot. I have stronger episodes when experiencing specific things but on a daily basis I'm almost always "not entirely here"

So what am I doing this post for? No fucking idea, honestly. Maybe so that I can't keep pretending like there's nothing happening. Maybe so that the people around me will understand a bit more what's going on with me. Maybe so that someone will tell me I'm not going crazy or faking it. The only thing I know is that if I don't post this now, I'm going to chicken out yet again and never be fucking honest about it. I'm kinda tired of ruminating the problem all alone, and if I don't reach out I'll never trust my own judgement on this issue. So let's just do this and see what happens.

[thrashkink-coven]

hello!! I have a question. Are your dreams about deities something you've practiced to have, or does it come naturally to you? if you could tell me about your experience with those dreams that'd be awesome, thank you!!

So I started my magical journey with Archangel Jophiel at about the age of 7 or so. As a young child I had unknowingly practiced many astral journeys and things of the sort before I entirely understood what I was doing. Archangel Jophiel taught me how harness that behaviour to use my brain as an analogue machine. When I say analogue machine, I’m referring to a thing that is greatly influenced by the stimuli that is fed to it. For whatever reason, my subconscious brain is very involved in the details of my waking life. Most of my dreams revolve around real life settings or scenarios I find myself in. The other day I was biking in a thunderstorm. That night I dreamt I was a thundercloud. Whenever I go to the beach, I dream of the beach. I do also have a random absurd dreams, but those are far less common than ones like these. In order to influence this pattern and invoke a deity, I only need to feed my brain stimuli from them in my waking life.

Jophiel taught me how to use my senses to influence my reality, to abandon my senses in states of trance, and to harness my senses to understand messages. He did this most memorably through the methods of scrying and sigil work along with a plethora of meditative practices that have been in use for centuries. Angelic magic is very concerned with spiritual and psychic development, so they always love teaching dream divination.

I cannot speak to whether or not I have a talent, what I do know is that I have been practising these methods pretty constantly for years at a time now, since I was 7 years old, so it is more likely that I am not talented, just that I have a muscle that I have been working out all this time. The only real talent I might have is my extreme tendency to lucid dream or be aware of my dreams as a kid.

Most of the time when I receive these dreams from my deities, I am doing a combination of things to invoke them. Whenever I get those dreams that seem random, or come about without intention or practice, those are the ones I pay the most attention to, because they are usually from unfamiliar deities reaching out for the first time.

But when I do intentionally try to invoke these dreams I am usually keeping all of these things in mind:

1. Saying the deities name out loud or in your head constantly. Imagining, writing about, speaking of and to them as concepts and people. When I write poems about my deities I am not only speaking to their physical attributes, I am conjuring a hyper specific identity and gorging on it’s spiritual correspondences to help my subconscious brain familiarize them and adequately summon them when I’m asleep. “Winged footed, clever whisperer, cultured hands that have shaken a million others, with the clanging of coins on his belt” , that’s Hermes. “Warm chocolate, water speckled rose pestles and pearl enchanted mirrors, gentle laughter in a heavenly oasis surrounded by a sacred grove”, that’s Aphrodite. When I hear the clanging of coins in my dreams I can bet that it’s Hermes, and when I see a field full of roses I can bet that it’s Aphrodite.

I’m willing to bet that a lot of folks actually are getting reached out to, but because they haven’t learned to identify their deity, they just think they’re having a reoccurring dream about a guy shooting arrows at the sun. Meanwhile it’s actually been Apollon this whole time.

2. Saying these names as I fall asleep, ensuring they are the last things I say before I drift off, as if it were a prayer. Saying these names in my head until I am no longer conscious. This also might be a cheat code but asking for a deity to appear in your dreams “by the will of Hypnos” or any other God of dreams works very well for me.

3. Using their sigils, creating sigils for them, staring at them and meditating on them until the symbol burns into your brain. Our brains love symbols. They’re amazing for communicating messages instantly. I see sigils and symbols in my dreams more often then I actually “see” a deity. Other times sigils have acted as portals for deities. Whenever I am in Inanna’s realm I feel as if I’m being shot through the Venus star.

4. Singing and humming their enns or chants. Our brains also adore music, especially those with predictable patterns. Make up your own personal tunes and memorize them better than the alphabet. When I’m in a dream and I hear the words “we go down as she goes down” I know I am in the realm of Inanna. If I hear “Renich Tasa Uberaca Biasa Icar Lucifer” I can immediately identify who I’m with.

5. Using colored lights to psychologically influence my environment for the intended energy I’m attracting. If I’m hoping to attract Aphrodite I sleep with a pink light on. Imagery of all kinds.

6. Burning incense right before bed and saying chants as I do. Your brain associates smells even more so than sounds or visuals. If I’m unconscious and constantly smelling the incense I reserved for Aphrodite, I am more likely to see her in my dreams.

7. Asking specific questions right before bed. This is a big one for me. Very often I will tuck myself in and think something like “hey Hermes, why do you run so fast?” and he will likely show up in my dreams to offer an answer. This can be a double edged sword if you’re too annoying with it lol, sometimes deities will ignore you if you ask them questions you already know the answers to.

8. If you’re already gifted at visualization then your half way there. I often visualize myself doing rituals for my deities in my “dream world”. I light their candles and incense just as I would at my altar. There are a few well documented methods (Raymond Buckland’s comes to mind) that practitioners use to access their mind temple. I personally visualize my mind temple or holy place as a scaled up version of my real altar because all the things there are extremely familiar. My little crystals become towering mountains of quartz and my offering bowl becomes a pool of flowers for me to swim in. When I lay with my eyes closed, not quite asleep or awake, I imagine myself at my altar summoning my deity in an elaborate and fantastical ritual.

9. Understanding the bigger picture.

I don’t remember a good 60% of the details from the dreams I have with deities unless it’s extremely important. Often times I only remember the way it made me feel along with the most important details. In the dream I described just today about Aphrodite wanting me to paint her, I don’t remember whether or not I actually had paint, what she was wearing, what the nymphs were doing, or exactly how she posed. But I do remember the way my heart skipped a beat when she asked me to paint her, and I vividly remember her saying “please do!”. When I share these stories I am massively paraphrasing.

Sometimes shit genuinely does not make sense (looking at you, Hermes) and you have to ask for more guidance to understand it. The very cool thing about Jophiel in those first few years I was learning from him is that he’s very willing to show you the same dream again and again until you understand. There was a period of a couple months where he showed me the exact same dream every single night.

10. Listen to your senses.

Lots of times the Gods do not appear human. I’ve seen Aphrodite more times as a garden than a person. Jophiel often appears to me as a ball of light or something enormous like a planet. Sometimes no words are said at all, but you feel a breeze on your neck that feels like a kiss, or you feel a foreboding presence and know who it belongs to. Sometimes you hear three bells in your dream only to remember that it’s the same sound as the bell in a store you know, and when you return there you find the perfect offering for that God you’ve been thinking about. Sometimes you smell a carcass and know that a Death God is trying to tell you something. So many messages can be shared without words. Lots of my dreams with most of my deities like Cerberus and Leviathan don’t even involve any words at all, even if an entire conversation is being had. Many times I don’t see them, but I know they’re there or that the message was from them. Sometimes I’m not even entirely sure what the entire conversation was, but the things that resonate with me stick with me. Leviathan never actually said “without the struggling combat of the natural forces no peace could ever be known to Earth”, he just showed me a roaring ocean and a blazing sun giving birth to land and air. Lucifer didn’t actually tell me that he wants me to read a specific book, I only saw the book and his sigil blazing above it.

11. Sometimes there is no real message. I often have dreams about Cerberus where he just reminds me that he’s a spooky death God. Sometimes I just see Lucifer because he wants to see me. Sometimes a God just misses you or wants to mess with you (looking at you, Hermes). I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had dreams about Hermes where the only thing he does is say hi and then run away, it drives me insane. I’ve had so so many dreams of Lucifer just wanting to share coffee and then asking me something seemingly random like if I prefer velvet or silk liners in jackets (??? still wondering about that one) .

A thing to keep in mind is that dreams are not the end all be all to deity communication and you are still capable of having a relationship even if your internal word isn’t as vivid. These things do take years of practice. You’re very deliberately trying to manipulate your brain into recognizing the signs of your deity. They seem to come to me easily but even I have periods of time where I don’t receive anything, and that’s also okay and good.

[rollercoasterwords]

I don’t have anyone else to ask, so here I am. What do you think about the term “boy lesbian” ? I just saw a TikTok where a person said they were a boy lesbian not a woman lesbian? I got the same vibe from that as when a lot of people on TikTok tried to say identifying as lesbian was excluding an it should be called non men loving non men?

well my short answer is that i think boy lesbians are cool + sexy + i wish they would all come over 2 my house so we could kiss w tongue <3 however i am sensing from ur message that this is perhaps a concept that u are a bit wary or skeptical about (? might be reading tone incorrectly but that is the vibe i'm getting lol) so i will put a longer answer under the cut:

so i feel like what you're asking when you say "what do you think about this" is essentially "do you think people should be able to call themselves 'boy lesbians'" which. is a source of online discourse that i typically try to avoid because i think discourse about who's "allowed" to identify a certain way in the queer community is basically pointless and does more harm than good. like, at the end of the day, there's really no use in policing who's "allowed" to call themselves what, because people can literally identify themselves however they want and you can't control that, because identity is an inherently personal and subjective experience. and so anytime people do start trying to strictly police identity + draw clear boundaries around who's "allowed" to use which labels, usually the result is just alienating and ostracizing other queer people who we should be in community with, as we share overlapping political struggles.

but. looking specifically at the term "boy lesbian" (and terms like it). i know a lot of people immediately get up in arms going "the whole point of lesbian is that there's NO BOYS!!!!!" but. personally i do not think that's true. every label currently used by the queer community is historically and contextually specific; most labels like 'gay' 'lesbian' and 'trans' are umbrella terms that include broad and varied communities of people who do not all share exactly the same identities or experiences. and the label 'lesbian' as an umbrella term has not always been used + conceptualized historically the way it's used today; it has also not always been 'exclusively women who aren't attracted to men' or whatever other definition people try to claim. many lesbians, especially gender nonconforming lesbians, have complex + nuanced + fraught relationships to gender + womanhood, and there has specifically always been a lot of overlap in (using today's terms) transmasculine and lesbian communities. leslie feinberg's stone butch blues comes immediately to mind as one example of lesbian experience that does not align simply or perfectly with womanhood and is much more nebulously transmasculine. at the end of the day, it's impossible to draw strict definitional boundaries around umbrella terms like "lesbian," because to do so will always inevitably fail to account for certain people who do identify with the term--and what right does anyone have to tell someone else that their personal experience of identity isn't "allowed?"

like - defining lesbianism as either centered around womanhood or positioned against manhood both inevitably devolve into gender essentialism. if you say "lesbians are women who love women," that requires you to provide a strict definition of "woman," something that is essentially impossible without resorting to gender essentialism. if you say "lesbians are nonmen who love nonmen," then you run into the same problem with defining "men." this is because both "men" and "women" are also historically + contextually specific umbrella terms used to define social categories of people, and not some sort of pre-existing inherent natural identities.

so then you might be saying--but wait a second, if all these labels are so fluid and nonspecific and personally defined, then what's the use of labeling anything!!! aren't you just saying that none of it means anything?!

no, not at all! what i'm saying here is that trying to draw strict boundaries around labels that have to do with gender + sexuality is at best pointless and at worst harmful, because gender and sexuality are inherently personal experiences and you can't police someone's own sense of self, nor should you try to. but there are three areas where labels are useful and do matter:

1 - personal value

labels are useful for individuals trying to understand themselves and how they relate to the world. people can find comfort or joy or simple understanding by labeling themselves in relation to the world around them; this sense of labeling is deeply personal and up to each individual in terms of how/to what extent they want to partake in it

2 - community

umbrella terms like "woman" "lesbian" "man" "trans" etc are all useful in socially specific contexts for identifying shared experiences + building community. if i say to someone "i'm a lesbian," and they say "oh i'm a lesbian too," i'm not going to assume that we have the exact same experiences of gender + sexuality that fit some made-up set of rules, but i am going to recognize that this person has certain experiences which overlap with my own, and we can build a community around those experiences. this is the way that basically any label works in a social context--if i say "i'm american" and someone else says "oh me too," i wouldn't just assume that we've had the exact same "american" experiences, because america is a vast country with a huge diversity of people + lifestyles + environments etc etc, y'know? social labels like these are useful for identifying broad overlap in experiences, but because they encompass such broad groups of people it's silly to try and make strict rules about who's "allowed" in the group--especially if your goal is to build community

3 - identifying + naming political struggles + oppression

this follows along the same lines as point 2 -- basically, most queer labels function as umbrella terms meant to bring together people of varied experiences + backgrounds who share common sites of oppression + common political struggles. like, historically, this has been the center of queer community-building--the fact that we are all being oppressed by the same people in overlapping ways. when i tell you "i'm a lesbian," that sentence does not tell you all that much about my own, individual, personal experience of gender. but it does tell you a lot about how i am politically positioned in the world and the kinds of political struggles i might face, and that's what makes that label so socially meaningful. like, the purpose of these labels is not to give everybody insight to the nuances of personal identity; it's to build community + identify our shared struggles with each other.

and i think one reason this discourse gets so heated in online spaces is that people get really angry about the idea of, like, "well what if someone calls themself a lesbian to infiltrate lesbian spaces!!!" which. i mean a lot of that fearmongering is rooted in transphobia quite honestly, but. at the end of the day, if someone is identifying themself as a lesbian, i'm going to assume that they have a good personal reason for doing so, and what matters to me will be knowing that we share a political struggle. i trust that if i encounter someone who's just trolling and "pretending" to be a lesbian or whatever i'll be able to recognize it and just....choose not to interact with that person. but honestly i don't even really think that actually happens--like i said, i think a lot of the fear that drives people to try and create strict definitional boundaries around the term "lesbian" is rooted in transphobia.

and i think something else driving a lot of this online discourse surrounding queer labels is like....this emphasis on identity labels as primarily a personal identifier rather than identity labels as primarily a community-building tool. like, there seems to be an emphasis particularly in online spaces + amongst certain groups of queer people to really want to micromanage identity + create specific rules + definition for each label so that, like, you're getting as much personal information as possible about someone who tells you that label, because you know they're following these detailed rules. but like. a) you truly are not entitled to personal information about anyone's individual experience of gender and/or sexuality and b) that's not the point of these labels!!!!! like i promise you it is so much more important to just accept that these are umbrella terms with nebulous boundaries so that you can take a step back and evaluate the social context in which they're being used in order to then build community. it is okay if there aren't strict rules and definitions! what matters more is being able to look at a specific contexts + the way a broad term can be applied differently in those specific contexts.

anyway. last thing i will say to this whole point is that i personally am someone who identifies to a certain extent with terms like boy lesbian or boydyke, in that my own sense of gender is much more centered around dyke than it is womanhood and i don't necessarily experience lesbianism as something centered around women/womanhood. my lesbianism feels more closely tied to gendernonconformity, genderqueerness, and overlaps a lot with experiences i've heard transmasculine people speak about. but lesbianism is still central to my identity, as i am politically positioned in society as a lesbian and it is the best umbrella term to give people a sense of my identity at a glance, and thus generally the best term for me to position myself within queer spaces + to seek out community. so i understand on a personal level why people might identify as a 'boy lesbian,' and hopefully from this personal anecdote you can understand why someone might too! if u have any questions or anything feel free to shoot me another message; i'm trying to cover a lot of ground in this response so i didn't fully expand on like. every single point bc that would have taken forever lol

[goodolreliablejake]

Creators must contend with the problematic elements of their favorite genres. Fantastic racism, gender stereotypes, classism, whatever it is, there are ways to use, subvert, or comment on these elements in interesting and productive ways. We've seen plenty of texts that do this. It's one of the greatest strengths of speculative fiction.

But some fans become deeply uncomfortable at the suggestion that elements of their favorite media can be problematic. They identify so deeply with the pieces that they love that critical analysis feels like a personal attack. In self-defense, they shut down the conversation. They find reasons to disregard the person pointing out things they don't like. The underlying message of their responses is "shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

I'm sympathetic to this response, actually. But it is a trap. If you don't look at your favorite media with open eyes, and if you're unwilling to critically engage with them, then you're likely to fall into their pitfalls. I don't think that most racist depictions are made with malice. More often, I think that creators fall into them unconsciously, recreating social scripts that they've been immersed in all their lives. Stereotypes are easy.

They're also cliche. Consider that by shutting down the discourse, you're limiting your own potential. Consider that you're making your own creative potential more tepid and stagnant. Consider why it's so upsetting to hear the words "fantasy races are an uncomfortable concept."

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hi there!

Any tips on developing theme? Can there be more than one theme in a novel-length story? How many themes are too many?

Thank you <3

Identifying and Developing Your Story's Themes

Theme can be found in story in two different ways: the central topics your story revolves around (thematic concepts) and the messaging your story delivers about those topics (thematic statements.)

The very nature of writing about characters with pasts, relationships, internal and external conflicts, and goals means that some themes will be organic to the story. For example, if your character happens to be an orphan raised by a magical couple, but who is now looking for their true identity/home, themes like belonging, family, and coming of age will be present naturally.

To identify your story's themes, it helps to look up a list (or several) of literary themes to get an idea of what kinds of things you're looking for. Then, take a close look at your protagonist and other main characters--along with the situations they're dealing with both internally and externally--and see which themes jump out at you. You might notice that some themes apply to multiple characters and/or situations, and these would be your story's main/most important themes.

To develop your story's themes, you'll want to look at those main themes and the characters/situations they apply to, then see if you can follow that thread through the story. If any of the threads disappear, see if you can pick them back up again and carry them through the story. See where they can intersect or merge. Sometimes this might mean finding clever ways to explore that theme. For example, maybe once the orphan character has ended up in a place where they've found belonging, maybe they meet someone else who's struggling to belong in a different way... such as at work or at school, or maybe in their relationship. You don't have to dive too deeply into this unless it makes sense for the character and story, but just exploring it a little bit can help highlight the them and give you another opportunity to say something about it or hold it up in comparison to the protagonist or other main character.

You might also find some themes that are sort of there... they want to be there... and you might decide to tease them out. You might even want to explore a specific theme that isn't natural to your story, which will require you to figure out how to fit it into the narrative in a way that feels natural. Ultimately, you want to be careful about forcing things or shoehorning it in. If you can find natural jumping off points within the existing story where the theme compliments existing themes or whatever is going on in the story, that's ideal. Otherwise, if you find yourself having to bend the existing story to fit the theme--or even creating new but otherwise unimportant characters, situations, or scenes--just to explore the theme, that would be a situation where you probably want to take a step back and ask whether this theme works for this story, or maybe you wait to explore it in another one.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I've been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I've learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[amiharana]

Okay, so I've read a couple of Revalink soulmate AU fics but I can never get through them because honestly I've never really liked the concept. And honestly, I feel like there's a decent chance Link would feel the same.

I mean, you've got a guy who didn't really get to choose almost anything about his life - he's a knight because his father was, he's Zelda's guard because he was selected by the King, he's the chosen hero because he's destined for it - and then he doesn't even get to choose who he falls in love with? And in most soulmate AUs probably has a literal physical mark on his body constantly reminding him of that fact? That's not romantic, that's existentially horrifying!

This idea might already be a thing but I've never really read fanfic before about a month ago when I got the Revalink brainrot so I don't know, but here's an idea I call the anti-soulmate AU.

Basically Revali doesn't have whatever soulmate-identifying mark exists in this story, and Link does, which is part of why Revali resents Link while Link is in some ways envious of Revali for the opposite reason. Somehow they end up actually talking to each other and grow close, and eventually Link basically decides "fuck it, I don't care that there's some destined perfect partner for me, I'm choosing to be with this guy." And even though they provably aren't soulmates and their relationship maybe isn't perfect, they still love each other and are happy together.

There can be some angst about Revali feeling insecure since there is someone out there who objectively would be a better partner for Link even though Link doesn't actually want to be with them, and about how this is basically depriving Link's soulmate of their perfect partner. Who that person is doesn't really matter, but making it Mipha would add even more to her whole "tragic one-sided pining" thing. Or it could just be some random person, like I said it's kinda unimportant.

Anyway the Calamity happens, and since Link kinda-sorta-dies whatever soulmate mark he has goes too and he's finally totally free from it. I have no idea if that's a thing that happens in these AUs, like I said I don't really read them much, but it kinda makes sense and fits this story so whatever. Maybe have Revali be revived after Ganon's defeated so there can be a happy ending.

Revalink as a concept is always just a little bit contrived. You have to mess with the timeline of the backstory if you want them to be a thing pre-calamity, you need to change how the Champion ghosts work to have them be a thing mid-game, or you need to have all the champions come back from the dead in order to have them be a thing post-canon, and you almost always need to mess with their personalities to have it be even slightly plausible. It's always kinda messy and doesn't totally make sense, and in this story that would basically be true in-universe and that's exactly why Link wants to be with him. He's pretty much the exact opposite of a perfect, destined partner who fits together with Link flawlessly.

Sorry for basically writing the entire synopsis of a fic that doesn't exist and probably isn't even that good of an idea, but as I mentioned I have the Revalink brainrot and I have no friends who I can send ideas like this to and I need to tell them to somebody.

so first of all, NEVER apologize to me for writing a whole fic synopsis in my askbox. my friend, are you familiar with my blog? all i do is write the longest fic rambles in the world here instead of writing full-fledged fic to upload to ao3 ☝️😭 so please do not even worry!!! i like ur fic idea a lot and it's good!!! and if you'd like, we can be friends and u can do what crow cryiling (affectionate) does and spam my inbox or messages w your ideas whenever you want 🤍 i luv to hear about revalink always

i honestly really love soulmate aus because i'm a hopeless romantic 😭🤍 SORRY but i do agree that to write a really good soulmate au for revalink, you can't just put any soulmate au template on them. like revali himself will actively break the fourth wall to fight against it because it just doesn't fit their dynamic; their whole relationship is built off of defying fate, re:your second-to-last paragraph. canon botw doesn't outline a clear path for revalink to ever be together in the way it might for zelda, mipha, or sidon even, so we'll always have to bend or break the rules of their universe for even a glimpse of future where they can be happy together 🥹 but it's the best part of their dynamic: they weren't supposed to be together, but goddamn it do they look good together.

i remember reading a fic where link and revali did have soulmate-identifying marks (i forgot what it was called but link's soul mark was revali's entire monologue in the revali's flap memory, and link hated him for it LMAO), but the idea that link would despise seeing the mark is so 🥺💔 i'm imagining maybe link was so excited to have one as a child, but after pulling the master sword and becoming a knight of hyrule, he now sees how he's doomed his soulmate to being tied to him and how he's responsible for their future or whatever. link has gotta develop some sort of altruistic complex about how he has to serve the people even at the cost of himself, i can't articulate it well right now, but i hope you get what i mean??? but that influences his resentment at the existence of the soulmark — not that he resents the person who is his actual soulmate, just the fact that he has one because he views himself as a burden on his soulmate as a result of his current position in life.

revali being born without a soul mark makes me so sad 😭 mixing this with my hc about him being orphaned, but revali getting bullied for not only not having parents but also not having a soulmate 💔💔 some of these rito kids are dickheads talking about "the goddesses wouldn't grant you even one person who would love you, haha!" and it definitely influences his workaholic tendencies training to become to most powerful warrior ever. he copes by saying he thinks soulmates are ridiculous and that there was no way there was another person in the world who could be perfect for you, that you should be given the ability to choose who you wanted to be with (but deep down, revali wants to know who the goddess would have chosen for him, if he did have a soulmate ㅠㅠ)

what do you think the conversation between link and revali would be like when they decide they want to be together, soulmates or not? what about the moment they fall for each other? who falls first? would it be mutual pining and trying to resist at first, because revali knows link has a soulmate who he deserves more than revali and link holding back because he knows what revali feels about the whole soulmate thing? or do they fall in love without holding back anyway, with link not caring for his soulmate at all like you mentioned? making mipha link's soulmate........ so tragic i feel bad for her fr if link resented her for being his soulmate kJDFKJD 😭 i lowkey wanna write these scenes tho idk HAHAHAH

the soul mark disappearing after link "dies" and is put in the shrine of resurrection is a really interesting idea though! like what's the mechanics behind that? i feel you'd have to go back and decide how the soulmate system works; is it a mysterious magic that no one can figure out? is it decided by some god of fate or love, hyrule's counterpart to aphrodite/eros? how did the magic decide that because link was "dead", he can't have a soulmate anymore/disconnected him from his soulmate? or what if link's soulmate died during the calamity before he was put in the shrine and soulmate-logic was like 'if your soulmate is dead, the mark disappears' so link's mark fades mid-battle and he doesn't realize it? and furthermore, link waking up in the shrine a century later and looks at his hand or some shit where the mark used to be and either (1) feeling a strange sense of melancholy at the empty spot on his skin or (2) looking at it but feeling nothing at all, and continuing with getting out of the shrine.

you could also explore how soulmate dynamics change throughout the hundred years he's gone. i'm sure plenty of people died during the calamity and lost their soulmates, so how does that alter the whole societal norms and culture surrounding soulmates? are people still born with soulmates after the calamity? do you think it becomes a taboo, that it's dangerous to meet your soulmate because what if you lose them? or do they see it as a mark of fortune, that love still prevails even in this near godless world after an era of tragedy? and then how does link interact with the world following his awakening, to find out that people have soulmates and look back at the empty, unmarred part of his skin and wonder, did he have one too? who were they? did he love them, and did they love him too?

AND ANOTHER THING, if mipha was his soulmate back then, does she still have her soul mark on her ghost?????? what if she did because well. it's her spirit and not her actual body, so when link meets her again post-waterblight, she's saddened by not only link's lack of memory of her but also the fact he's lost his soul mark. and also remembering that link would still probably resent her if he had his memory.

furthermore, there's two scenarios that instantly come to mind when i think about post-calamity revalink here. (1) revali seeing link post-windblight but link doesn't remember and revali having a similar reaction/feeling to mipha, but is having an internal conflict about whether or not he should be happy that link no longer has a soulmate he's bound to or sad that because of that, he'll never have another chance with link again because he's dead </3 or (2) champions are revived but link still doesn't remember his time with revali pre-calamity so revali is trying to give link an out and let him go to be given the chance to love someone else in his new life, but for whatever reason link is still drawn to him, moving to rito village and practically living in revali's shadow. it's another slow-burn of them falling in love all over again and maybe link gets his memories back?

if you ever plan on writing this, my friend....... feel free to send it to me because i'd Love to read it. like fr. there's so much potential for this one

[alwida10]

have you seen the new loki spoilers? I don't know if you want to be spoiled (let me know and I'll link you) but according to them they're doubling down on everything we disliked in season 1. More Sylvie, more Larry pining, more romance. Sighs

I don’t think I have seen the spoilers, but I would love a link! It’s very considerate of you asking for consent before sending the link. Thank you.

I’m including a cut since I’ll mention some older spoilers for season 2 underneath.

That said, after I finally made myself watch the trailer I got exactly the same feeling. For me it looked very much like this season is focused on Sylvie’s character arc, which by itself isn’t a bad thing. (I just wished they would leave Loki out of it, so I could skip it without second thought.) Despite me not being interested in Sylvie, from a story-telling perspective I agree that she deserves more screen time to get a fulfilling character arc. I just dislike the message that anyone, be it women or men, would need a relationship to become better or whole. Amatonormativity is fucked up, especially for a character so many othered people identify with because he doesn’t adhere to the traditional Christian values. Values that teach you aren’t successful if you don’t have a job, a house a wife and children. Loki should be chaotic. Hell, Sylvie should be chaotic. Arguing they both need anyone to be complete is a disservice for all those who struggle to keep a deeper relationship for whatever reasons. That doesn’t make one lesser.

I think one of the earliest spoilers I heard were about an older version of Sylvie who allegedly led the TVA, implying she went dark side. This trope is often used to give a younger hero (or in this case variant) the chance to “do better”. In the trailer, Loki and Sylvie cast this massive green wave of magic while holding hands. This is most likely about them being strong together and incapable alone. (subtitle, isn’t it?) so, yeah, I expect this season to hammer down the message that their relationship is the only thing that could save the multiverse, while the lack of it would make them both die or become irredeemable villains with a sledgehammer.

Sadly, I can both see and understand all that and still am unable to let go of my Loki-obsession for good. Perhaps I should write a fan letter to Dante, proposing this concept for another circle of hell. Given the fact the divine comedy is basically a self-insert fanfic where he imagines meeting all the people who admires I think it should meet the premises. 😩

Ok, this got long for a simple “yes please”. 🙈 sorry!! So, yes please! Give me all the discouraging spoilers! Kill my hope! I beg you!! 😭

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I love Jimin's cover picture for the photobook too. Him dancing with open wings. It's about freedom. That's what he wants. To be free, to be himself without needing to conform to social and cultural norms. Wings mean freedom, escape and aspirations for greater accomplishments.

The old century outfit and setting, him stuck in a room - his inner self seems to feel stuck/locked, needing to conform with outdated/archaic social and cultural thinking/practises. All the mannequins there, same type, all made the same, they have no unique personality, now broken and damaged and useless. He doesnt want to be like them, not live in a box others created for him. Pressures to abide, weighing him down. Some make themselves prisoners of societies' paradigms/beliefs/systems. As an idol it's even more difficult.

He has Artemis tattoed on him in those pictures. Don't know his thoughts behind that. But Artemis (among other things) again is about freedom. Huntress, dancer, goddess of wilderness. She was free of entanglements, not confined by any bonds, untrammelled, wild. Same way, he doesn't want his self to be restricted, bond, he wouldn't want to sacrifice his inner light and live a mannequin like life. He wants the freedom to live and love freely, be wild, follow his dreams, have no regrets etc. His inner self identifies with Artemis in that sense.

I know a some people will immediately say, oh he wants to be openly gay. But it isn't just about that, (I think). He and other members too, maybe, have had to make lots of sacrifices, put their personal aspirations aside for the group, have had to always play the ot7 part, always present themselves to fans a certain way, fulfilling obligations cause the label needed to make money etc. They can now be free to express/pursue their true interests/aspirations. I remember a clip where Jimin suggested he'll do a solo dance piece and others said No (some one among them said "oh you're trying to get more screen time"). Ot7 agenda must have been restricting. Chapter 2 must be more freeing.

I'll stop. That's what I think, but I could be so so wrong. Sorry for the long message. I didn't realize it was long.

Oh anon, I really love and appreciate this interpretation and how you did a breakdown of the symbols and metaphors. It just shows not only the concept's complexity, but it speaks to Jimin's as well. I think this way of looking at it sits perfectly well with other interpretations, more focused on gender and sexual identity. They can easily coexist, as restrictions and freedom are more universal themes that do seem to permeate whatever ideas Jimin wanted to share with the world.

Being an idol is restrictive in itself and it shows in various aspects of someone's public/private life. From being assigned a persona, always stored in certain boxes, always perfect and without any mistakes, having to look a certain way and maintain that, on top of the actual work of doing music and performances. It's bound to become a weight, as much as it's a rewarding path. It comes with (dis)advantages. From what I can see, Jimin always struggled with some aspects of it (still does) and has tried to reinvent himself, or show a version of it that is as close to that of the self that he's comfortable sharing with the world, whatever that entails. The photo-folio may as well be about that.

P.S. Don't apologize for writing a long message. The content of it is always more important than the length.

[chimscake]

𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙳 𝙼𝙾𝚅𝙸𝙴𝚂 𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝚄𝙿𝙶𝚁𝙰𝙳𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙸𝙵𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝙶𝙰𝙼𝙴

What they are and how to create one

Hello everyone💕

Lately, I have been researching the subconscious mind, how it is affected by subliminal messages and how the repetition of words or images in our mind can imprint it and translate into real life experiences.

During this research of mine I came across the concept of mind movies and I learned how useful they can be to reprogram your mind and make manifesting fun and easy.

WHAT IS A MIND MOVIE AND WHY YOU SHOULD USE ONE

A mind movie is a video containing many pictures or short videos that represent a concept or a situation witch you would like to saturate your mind with and written affirmations, while the background audio can be music or a subliminal.

If you are someone who manifests through affirming or visualizing I would highly suggest trying a mind movie as it combines both methods and makes the process a lot more enjoyable. At the end of the day, I believe that manifestation shouldn't feel like a chore, and you should make the process as fun as possible.

How does a Mind Movie Work

A mind movie can target both your conscious and subconscious mind, in order to fully saturate the latter.

- Your conscious mind is immediately reached by everything that you can consciously hear and see (pictures, written affirmations, music). By seeing pictures of your desire right in front of you and hearing music that reminds you of it, you will have the sensation of living in your desired reality already

-Your subconscious mind is immediately reached by the subliminal affirmations, which you won't consciously hear, and over a longer period of time watching, and so through repetition, it will identify the pictures and videos as something that actually happened and that is actually part of your reality.

With a little discipline, your reality will look exactly like your mind movie.

How to Make a Mind Movie

If you are now interested in using a mind movie here is how you can create a super personalized one for yourself, using your phone only.

First of all, you will need an app that allows you to create and edit videos (if you don't know what to use i would suggest capcut).

Once you have an app you will need to download:

-pictures and/or short videos that represent your desire (ex. if you are trying to manifest money i would suggest picture of dollar bills and expencive items). remember that pinterest is your best friend

-a subliminal audio with affirmations about your desire. you can download one from youtube or record your own

-(optional) music that makes you feel powerful or reminds you of your desire

After you downloaded all the material you can put everything together in your editing app. I would suggest to set your pictures to show on screen for about 0.5 seconds each, but you can totally set it however you want. If you want, you can also add written affirmations on top of the pictures/videos. There are no rules when it comes to the length of your mind movie, so do whatever you please.

How to Make a Mind Movie

The usage of a mind movie is pretty straightforward: all you really need to do to make it work is watch it whenever you feel like saturating your mind.

But I do have some suggestion to make your mind movie work better and faster.

-watch it as much as you can: depending on how much it lasts, you should be watching at least 10 minutes of your mind movie everyday

-watch it whenever you feel like you are spiraling or doubting: remind yourself what your true life looks like

-stay in the wish fulfilled throughout the day: you are not watching your mind movie to obtain that life, but because that is your life already.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS ALWAYS REMEMBER TO KNOW YOU HAVE WHAT YOU WANT ALREADY, YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS TO OBTAIN SOMETHING BUT TO REMIND YOURSELF THAT ITS HERE IN YOUR LIFE AND THAT YOU CAN EXPERIENCE LOVE, LUXURY AND BEAUTY WHENEVER YOU WANT

I hope this post was interesting and helpful

Chimscake

[thought-42]

We could live a little larger, split the dividends

Critical Role, Laerryn/Loquatius, 1136 words

“They just need to be.... Pretty,” Laerryn says, gesturing helplessly in an attempt to communicate some ephemeral, nebulous concept of beauty that exists only as an idea in words in her head with no associated imagery. The dwarf behind the counter smiles at her. Fuck, she hopes she’s not recognizable enough to be identified by random service workers. Probably she should have set her spiteful petulance aside and actually listened to Patia’s commentary on the public persona of the previous Architect Arcane. It’s only been a year. Surely she’s not recognizable.

“Are we aiming for a gift? For your mother? Or perhaps an apology of some sort? Sympathies on an illness?” She has an illness, all right.

Laerryn clasps her hands behind her back to keep them still. “No? No. None of those. They’re for... a person. I have an appointment this evening-- a meeting? I think he’d like flowers--”

She’s already spent almost an hour on her hair, and she’d switched between two jackets literally dozens of times. And then she’d got thoroughly distracted by a folder of rough sketches Nydas had left on her kitchen table a week ago, which had eaten up half an hour she didn’t have. Luckily Evandrin had Sent to her to remind her of the time, because he knows her upsettingly well.

So now she’s shifting from foot to foot impatiently, mentally counting seconds as this dwarf looks at her like she’s a small child.

“Is this a personal or professional meeting?”

“Personal,” she croaks out, her voice shifting embarrassingly high at the end of the word.

“And do you know what sort of flowers this person prefers? Colours? Scents?”

“Pretty ones,” she says, exasperated. They’re going around in circles.

The first arrangement the dwarf draws her attention to is some sort of bright pink and white monstrosity that makes her take a physical step back. The next mostly greenery, strange plants and grasses with oddly coloured flowers and weirdly shaped leaves. It appeals to her on a scientific level and a fuck tradition level, but it’s not exactly pretty. He’d either love it or hate it and she’s not willing to live with that uncertainty. Eventually they land on a dense combination of delicate purple flowers and lacey white leaves with a cluster of long elegant blue flowers standing tall at the centre. There’s something there that smells almost like his magic. Which she knows for purely scientific reasons. She’s never met anyone whose magic had such a distinctly alien sensation to it.

“If you want something more customised you’ll need to send a message ahead of time,” the dwarf says. “I’m usually here by noon, if you Send, and otherwise we have a drop box at the front if you’d like to leave a note.”

“This is... a one time thing,” Laerryn says, blithely unaware of her future.

*

“Hello, darling!”

He’s leaning against a statue, silvery violet hair all slicked back out of his face, eyelids brushed with sparkling powder and shoes so shiny the setting sun glints off of them. His eyes are a startlingly deep green, something unnatural and mesmerising. She kind of hates that she always has to ask to see his real face. He’s still just slightly taller than her. It’s infuriating.

She glances around warily, but there’s nobody close enough to hear his greeting.

“Hi,” she says, once she’s closer. “I’m late, I think. Sorry. I-- this is gonna happen. You should just know that.”

“It’s a lovely view,” he says, and then winks because he’s the worst.

“You really just use up all the charm on your day job, huh,” she says, and then “Fuck. Ignore that.”

“You think I’m charming.” He’s far too smug and far too honestly flattered. She can feel the heat rushing to her face and her ears. Every time her ears twitch the delicate copper chains running through her earrings swing very slightly and it makes her hyper-aware that she’s dressed up specifically because she wants to look nice for this man.

“Infer whatever you want,” she says, determinedly keeping her shoulder straight.

His smile sofens. “Usually I prefer hard facts. But maybe in this case I can make an exception.”

She is already making more exceptions for Loquatius Seelie than she knows what to do with.

She loses the battle with her body, hunches her shoulders. Eyes focused on the darkened windows of the Enchantment Guild off to their left she shoves the flowers in his direction. “Here. These. These are yours now.”

He accepts the flowers from her hands gently. “Laerryn, these are lovely. Thank you, darling.” He keeps calling her that. It makes her feel something.

There’s something happening to his cheeks when she looks back at him, a silvery sheen like mercury, darting across his skin and then vanishing.

I’ve reserved a table for us nearby if you’re still interested in dinner,” he says. “But that can be easily cancelled if you’d prefer something else.”

He tucks the flowers into the crook of his right arm, shifting them around a few times. Fuck. Of course he wouldn’t know what to do with them for the entire evening.

“Dinner is fine,” she blirts out, so that she doesn’t appologize for her stupid stupid gift.

“Excellent.”

They offer their arms to each other at the same time. It feels like the most awkward moment of her life, which is fucking saying something. Loquatius just laughs, and offers her his hand instead. She takes it, because there’s no one around to see and his fingers are long and elegant and cool, well-manicured and soft. She wonders if, as a Changeling, things like calluses and scars are foreign concepts. She wants to ask him, so she does.

The conversation takes them all through the walk to the restaurant and their first glass of wine. She desperately wants to take notes, but she forces her hands to still, keeps her focus intentionally on him as best she can. She doesn’t know, yet, if he can appreciate the effort she’s making, but it feels good to make it.

Once they’ve finished their salads, he smiles at her and says “so do you have any conscious control over your ears, or do they just do that on their own?”

Her hand flies up to press her right ear down against her skull. “What do you mean--” He’s laughing at her. He’s laughing at her, but it’s the way Van or Nydas laughs at her, mostly kind. She drops her hand. “I deserved that.”

“Only a little,” he says. “But let me assure you, I’ve answered every possible question about being a Changeling at least ten times.”

“Even the sex ones?”

He grins, startled and white and sharp. “Especially the sex ones. But you get a free pass on those.”

[izzyspussy]

Happy STS! What books or other media have shaped the way you think about writing the most? What did they teach you?

Okay, not gonna list books/media, but authors/directors instead. Louis Sachar, Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, David Fincher, Guillermo del Toro, Jordan Peele.

Sachar in particular is absolutely the pinnacle, in my opinion, of weaving together an intricate and unweavable narrative. Every time I read or watch HOLES it sends me into fits of divine inspiration NOT joking. It also is like- You know when you see a work of art that is So Good in a very particular type of way that feels unreachable? Sachar's work is the opposite of that. It's the GOAT, but in a way that makes it clear that mastery like this can be achieved with practice and diligence to the work.

Fincher I also like for intricate storytelling, as well as his skill with building suspense (something I am currently struggling with in Curse The Messenger).

I love and aspire to Gaiman's mastery of build-up pay-off, especially how he can build an entire book (or 30 minute cold open) into a single, succinct line that simultaneously means half a dozen things and also one precise thing, all shining a spotlight on the themes of the piece and also sometimes being a pun. I 100% do this, I go into every work looking to do it, and I do it because of him. Entirely.

Pratchett and Adams I admire and try to emulate for their particular flavor of satire, as well as their zany metaphors. I don't really write comedy - I don't think I'm built for it - but I think sardonics and absurdism can both have an effective place in any genre. I really like to utilize comedic tools in tragedy, I think it's incredibly effective and also makes the material more readable, and those in particular happen to be my favorite and in my opinion are the most versatile without being trite or quickly dated.

I love the way del Toro's genre fiction is also - kind of inescapably - High Art TM. He takes the campiest and/or grittiest possible concepts or subjects and depicts them with Elegance. I'm also always a slut for a story that is dark not from the absence of light, but from the smallness of it. Metaphorically speaking. He's just really great at tragedy that isn't a bummer. Peak.

Peele. How does he do it. Everything he makes is at once impeccably subtle and completely blatant. Everything he makes is at once terrifying and hilarious. (I think much horror-comedy either swings wildly back and forth between the two, or else is not actually scary at all.) His storytelling is also really tight like Sachar and Fincher, but imo has a more natural and realistic feeling to it. I also just really vibe with his concepts. I didn't really get Us (judging from its reception, that's absolutely a me problem), but Get Out and NOPE both have a message/allegory that I really believe in or identify with or however you'd describe that kaskfls. I hope one day my work will communicate its ideas just as well.

Honorable mentions to AJ White, Chuck Tingle, Joy Demorra, RoAnna Sylver, Harley LaRoux, Alice Scott, Magen Cubed, Rebecca Sugar, Joseph Fink, and the McElroy brothers for showing me I really can make whatever the hell I fucking want to and no matter what it is it can still be Good TM and I can still Make It TM - as well as that Making It TM can mean whatever kind/level of success is right for me.

Wonderful question, Marigold! Thank you!