#there’s like. 2 mins where genuinely nothing feels real and i need to remind myself about things in my life before i’m like oh yeah

[harrylights]

.

[evesbeve]

Hey there, you said your ask box was open for Justin Min's whole thing? I guess I just slept through the whole thing, honestly - could you just go over a gist of everything that happened? I get that it seems like a PR team didn't know how to use twitter (which, mood) and f-ed things up for him, but what were they "cleaning up" in the first place, who's Anna what did they do that warranted such a bizarre thread from the PR team, etc...? 😳

Hey! Okay so this is going to be a lot, so buckle up.

Right off the bat, I just want to say that Justin isn’t cancelled. The situation has been mostly resolved right now (more on that later).

So around a week ago, Justin Min started deleting his replies to fans. Depending on whether you’re on Twitter or not, you might know that Justin is one of the most interactive people of the cast. He knows a lot of fans by name, he has inside jokes with us, and he just interacts a lot with his fanbase. So you can imagine why him suddenly starting to delete his replies was a bit upsetting. There was nothing we could do about it though.

And suddenly, two days ago, Justin deactivated his account out of nowhere, which caused all kinds of drama to go down.

People started pointing the finger at specific accounts saying it was their fault that Justin deactivated (don’t even get me started on that logic; why a grown-ass adult deactivate because of a few teenagers is above me, it literally made no sense), even sending death threats. Others suspected that he got suspended because Twitter’s algorithm saw all these tweets get deleted and was like “welp, bot time.” Long story short, lots of misinformation was going around.

And then out of the blue, Justin’s account was reactivated, and he made a thread directed at Anna.

Now, who is Anna? Anna is a stan on twitter, whose @ I won’t be sharing for privacy, but here’s how they’re relevant in this:

Remember when I mentioned the inside jokes? Well, one of them was between a fan called Matt and Justin. Matt kept commenting on Justin’s tweets asking him to say trans rights. On the one year anniversary of Matt asking Justin to say trans rights, Justin finally said it. Then, Matt made a poll asking other stans what he should have Justin say next, and lesbian rights won.

Around a month ago, Matt replied to one of Justin’s tweets, and Justin responded with something along the lines of “haha, i know this is just an attempt to get me to say lesbian rights,” referencing the inside joke. People started commenting that the way he phrased it was a bit :/ so then he replied to his own tweet with something like “well, i’ll delete this before i get cancelled,” and that’s when things spiraled.

[id: Justin Min’s tweet #1: i see that you are trying to butter me up to say lesbian rights, nice try, matt. nice try.

Justin Min’s tweet #2: oh, here we go. this is an inside joke between myself and matt, if you’ve been a part o fthis fandom for more than a few weeks. but alas, i will have to delete this now before i’m cancelled by the end of the day. keep loving, everyone.]

Lesbians get spoken over and looked down upon not only by straight people, but also the LGBT community. So when Justin tweeted that, lesbians were like “this sounds as if you care more about your own self image rather than our community.” Then, non-lesbians got involved and started either a) calling Justin lesbophobic (which lesbians never did) or b) blindly defending Justin and saying he did nothing wrong.

(Side note: I am not a lesbian, and I’m not trying to speak over lesbians in this situation. But I did talk about this to some of my friends who are lesbians, and they told me that what Justin did wasn’t as big of a deal as Twitter made it out to be. These are their words, not mine. All I know is that it was definitely not bad-intentioned, just a huge misunderstanding.)

Anyway, Anna made a thread explaining to Justin why him defending himself came out as harmful towards the lesbian community, and then Justin apologised and that was it.

Which brings us back to yesterday (26/9/2020).

Everyone is freaking out, posting misinformation, panicking. I don’t exactly,,, know how, but the #justinminisoverparty hashtag started being used for actual hate towards Justin for deactivating, and some people (including Anna, though I think their tweet was in the context of a joke? please take this with a grain of salt though. update: it was in the context of a joke) mentioned that Justin is a lesbophobe.

A few hours later, Justin reactivated his account, tagged Anna, and said this (though it was actually his PR team, more on that later):

[id: Justin’s Tweet: @ [redacted] quickly jumping back on here from my twt break because i’m receiving messages that you’re continuing to spread misinformation, so i want to clarify.]

[id: Justin’s Tweets: 1. all of my interactions with you were deleted because of the need to set clear boundaries due to the fact that your incessant messages and replies from multiple accounts over the last several months were veering into stalking/harassment.

2. for someone who appears to pride themselves on reminding their friends/followers on a daily basis to be careful of the language they use on this app, you seem to be fine with flippantly labeling someone as homophobic/lesbophobic as if they’re cute little adjectives to give to someone, not realizing that such labels have real-life consequences.]

[id: Justin’s Tweets: 3. also noting here than in your original thread, you stated that you neither considered me nor my words to actually be lesbophobic, so a bit confused as to why your story has suddenly changed.

4. i realize you’re young, so i’m genuinely hoping you use this opportunity to learn and grow andbe a little more mindful the next time you decide to tweet.]

The next twenty minutes were pure chaos. Justin deactivated again, everyone started freaking out because that was very out of character for him. People were cancelling him because this could have easily been resolved in DMs, or tweeted without the mention of Anna (a minor) from a mainstream Twitter account.

And then, Justin Min DMed another fan on Instagram (her name is Em) about the situation.

Who is Em? For starters, I’d like to say that I personally know Em and that she’s one of my best friends. I’ve known her for more than a year now, and I can personally vouch for her. Everything that she posted is 100% true (if you want the thread where she posts proof of the DMs, please send me a different ask because I’m scared tumblr will not post this in the tag if I include it here).

The reason Justin DMed her out of all people is because he also kinda knows her? As I mentioned, Justin interacts with us on Twitter a lot, and Em is the one person he’s responded to the most, so he knows who she is. (He’s tagged her more times than other cast members, at least before all his tweets were deleted by his PR team.)

Anyway, this is what Em tweeted:

[id: Em’s tweets: please read this !!!

justin dmed me on instagram and basically the gist of it is that he hired a pr team and they tweeted the thread at anna without knowing everyone could see it. all of the tweets being deleted/ him deactivating was also them.]

Below is the image Em attached to the tweet:

[id: Justin’s DM to Em: hey. this is justin. i’m just hearing about what’s happening on twitter right now. for context, i was asked to work with a team of people to “clean up” my twitter in the past few weeks. they’ve taken the liberty of deleting a bunch of my responses and posts in order to safeguard me (whatever that means) as well as deactivating my account to comb through other things.i believe they accidentally sent anna a message and mistakenly believed the function for her to comment only would mean that she would be the only one to see it as well. needless to say, i’m no longer working with this team and want to personally apologize to her. do you know any way i can get into contact with her?]

And then, in a follow-up tweet:

[id: Em’s text at Justin: sorry for dming you again. is there any other way i can help? i just feel really bad about this whole thing and i know how quickly this stuff can spread if it’s not taken care of

Justin’s text: i mean, i guess you can share the information i’ve given you? it’ll take a bit of time for me to take back ownership on everything as i sever ties with that team, so maybe the sooner the better people know.

Em’s text: okay ! is it okay if i tweet a screenshot

Justin’s text: sure.]

Then Justin’s account got reactivated an hour ago (almost 24hs after Em’s tweets), and he tweeted this:

[id: Justin’s tweet: hi. it’s me. thank you for all your messages. this has been an incredibly tough week for me on multiple fronts. some things you might already be aware of; many other things you don’t know about.asking for a bit of privacy as i take sometime to unplug. hoping to be back soon.]

And that’s all, I think? There’s lots we don’t know about what happened yet, so please please please try not to spread misinformation. This is a stressful situation for us on Twitter, and especially for Justin, and misinformation going around is the last thing we need right now.

tl;dr: Justin Min hired a PR Team that started deleting all of his tweets and deactivated his account. Misinformation started spreading, people started cancelling Justin for no reason. The PR Team decided to respond to Anna, made the response public, deactivated again. Justin DMed Em and explained the situation, and an hour ago, he reactivated and said he’s taking a small break to sort things out.

If anyone has any other questions/clarifications, my askbox is open! Hope this shed some light on the situation <3

UPDATE 28/9/2020: Justin has DMed and apologised to Anna for the situation, and Anna has accepted the apology. Anna posted all of it on their account, but again, if you want a link, send me an ask!

[azaisya]

mdzs daemon au pt 2

When they arrived at the Unclean Realm, Nie Huaisang took one look at his brother’s stormy expression and summoned his most guileless grin.

Standing in the middle of the courtyard, framed by a pillar and his massive bear daemon, Nie Mingjue looked impressively intimidating. 

Huaisang, however, had long since decided to never be intimidated by his brother. It would do awful things to his ego. Cheerfully, he shouted, “Da-ge!” 

At his side, Meng Yao mumbled, “Young Master Nie, please don’t antagonize your brother.” 

“How did your studies in Cloud Recesses go?” Nie Mingjue asked, tone flat in a way that meant I already know exactly how deep in shit you are. 

Huaisang’s smile faltered, and he flicked his fan open to flutter it anxiously. “Ah, well, you know—”

“Do I?” Nie Mingjue demanded, eyes glinting in warning.

Nie Kun stood up, raising her head to look over Huaisang and the disciples behind him. She was larger than average for a female moon bear, her shoulders nearly level with Nie Mingjue’s. 

Huaisang ignored her. If she was really angry, then she’d get up onto her hind legs. Nobody wanted to see her on her hind legs. “I did better than last year, at least!” 

Nie Mingjue scoffed. The other Nie disciples ignored the brothers’ argument with the ease of long practice. “Maybe you’d pass if you bothered to carry your saber.” 

“Da-ge,” Huaisang complained. A-Min scuttled over his shoulder, slipping through his hair so that she could sit against the soft skin of his neck. 

A-Sang, she urged, Xichen-ge’s gift. 

Oh, right!

He grabbed the box held by the Nie disciple to his left with a bright smile and a warm thank you and then ran up the steps to his brother. Meng Yao dismissed the Nie disciples with a dimpled smile and a gracious bow before following him. Nie Mingjue’s expression darkened as if he was about to yell some more, but Huaisang shoved the box into his hands. “Xichen-ge asked me to give this to you.” 

Immediately, the rage flew from Nie Mingjue’s face. “You should’ve told him not to bother.” But he was already moving to open the box and Nie Kun was craning her neck over his shoulder to look. 

Huaisang didn’t bother looking. He’d already peeked on the way over. Of course Lan Xichen would gift his brother the best blade maintenance kit in the world. It was in Nie green and probably ludicrously expensive. Without missing a beat, he added, “Xichen-ge also said he misses you and that you should visit more.”

For a second, Nie Mingjue’s face went terribly soft. But then he snorted and rolled his eyes, reaching out to cuff Huaisang lightly on the head. “Don’t lie.” 

Huaisang just shrugged. “I’m sure he’s thinking it.” 

“Where’s A-Min?” Nie Mingjue’s eyes flicked over Huaisang’s shoulder. Normally, A-Min would have already shifted into a finch to flutter about both their heads and chirp. 

Huaisang fidgeted with his fan. “Oh. Um.” He flashed a smile that was only slightly self-deprecating. “She settled.”

Nie Mingjue’s eyes widened. “When?”

“A week ago! I would’ve written if it’d happened earlier.”

Nie Mingjue waved a hand dismissively. “As if. Let me see.”

Wordlessly, Huaisang reached up to his collar. A-Min scuttled into his hand and sat very still as Huaisang held her out. Neither his brother or his brother’s daemon moved, dark eyes locked on the tiny brown spider in Huaisang’s palms.

Huaisang resisted the urge to fidget. 

Finally, Nie Mingjue grunted, “She's very small.”

Huaisang flinched at the note of disappointment in his voice. “Da-ge.” A-Min stretched out her legs as if that would make her bigger. 

Nie Kun leaned forwards, her brown muzzle drifting just above A-Min. Huaisang could read no judgement in her dark gaze. 

Meng Yao stepped forwards, head bowed deferentially, “If I may?” Nie Kun obligingly stepped back, and Nie Mingjue nodded. Meng Yao didn’t bother to repeat Meng Zhu’s spiders are lucky line; Nie Mingjue didn’t care about things like that. “Spiders are small, but they’re still predators.”

“Underhandedly,” Nie Mingjue protested, “With traps.”

“But she’s small enough that an enemy won’t be able to easily target her, which is a benefit on any battlefield.” Meng Yao’s smile was warm, but Huaisang could recognize it as appeasing rather than genuine. 

Nie Mingjue’s lips twisted into a wry smile, and his eyes flicked towards Nie Kun. She tilted her head, something silent flashing between them.

Huaisang held his breath. 

Nie Kun and Meng Yao always had been the best at talking his brother down. 

Nie Mingjue pressed his lips together and looked down at A-Min, who shifted nervously back and forth. “Go unpack your things,” he ordered, pulling away, “Meng Yao, come with me. I need you to look over something.”

Nie Huaisang and Meng Yao shared an exasperated glance before hurrying to obey. Huaisang had known, of course, that his brother wouldn’t be thrilled with A-Min’s settled form. The lack of a real response was infinitely better than whatever he’d expected, but it still made him feel small and unseen. 

We are small, A-Min said, reasonably, Give him time.

---

Nie Huaisang’s feet started towards his rooms, but then he stopped. The other disciples would drop off his things for him, and it wasn’t like he actually needed to unpack right now. Decisively, he turned on his heel and strode towards the library instead. 

Meng Yao found him there almost three hours later. Huaisang heard his footsteps and looked up, using the brief second before Meng Yao noticed him watching to examine his face. He wasn’t smiling, but Meng Yao rarely smiled when he wasn’t being watched. More importantly, Huaisang couldn’t see the telltale tightening around his eyes or the forced calm triggered by the worst of Nie Mingjue’s obstinance or—even worse—the nasty comments people made about his background or his daemon. 

(You can’t trust a daemon you can’t see, people were fond of saying, Especially not something like a scorpion)

Satisfied that Meng Yao was in a good enough mood for teasing, Huaisang immediately threw down his book and wailed, “Meng Yao, help me, please, I’m dying—” 

Meng Yao immediately sat down on the opposite side of the desk, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It was his appeasing smile, the one he used when he was being watchful rather than kind. “What can I do for you, Young Master Nie?”

Huaisang scowled at him. “Nooo, you’re supposed to be all nice and sympathetic when I cry.” 

Meng Yao’s smile shifted into something more genuine. 

Aloud, A-Min said, “Please don’t. He doesn’t need the encouragement. Did you need something?”

Huaisang looked down and scowled at his daemon, who sat on a book of her own. “Traitor.”

“I was just going to remind Young Master Nie to bring his saber to dinner. A disciple should have brought it to your rooms.” Meng Yao looked down at the books spread over the table. From beneath the curtain of his hair, Meng Zhu emerged. “What are you two looking for?”

Huaisang groaned  and slumped over the table. “I’m trying to figure out what spider we are.”

A-Min perked up when she saw Meng Zhu. The scorpion daemon was much shyer than Meng Yao, but A-Min adored her. “Meng Zhu!” 

Meng Zhu gracefully made her way down Meng Yao’s sleeve and onto the table. 

“Help me turn the page,” A-Min exclaimed, weaving eagerly between Meng Zhu’s legs.

Huaisang sat up, indignant. “Oh, I can’t ask for Meng Yao’s help, but you can ask for Meng Zhu’s?” 

“Do you expect me to turn the page by myself?” A-Min asked, “I’m the same size as some of these characters.”

“Are not,” Huaisang mumbled. 

“I don’t mind,” Meng Zhu assured. As soon as she’d grasped the page in her claws and lifted it, A-Min gleefully scuttled back onto the book to read. 

Meng Yao gently picked up one of the books stacked haphazardly in a corner of the desk and opened it. A page of inky spiders appeared, all of them drawn with analytical precision. None of them matched A-Min’s mottled brown body or banded legs.

Turning the page, Meng Yao said mildly, “You should’ve looked before we left Cloud Recesses.”

Huaisang grimaced. While the library in the Unclean Realm wasn’t shabby, the library in Cloud Recesses was a work of art. He almost didn’t mind repeating another season of lessons just to get access to it again. “Help me,” he begged, staring at Meng Yao with his saddest eyes. 

Meng Yao’s cheeks dimpled with his smile. “I’ll help you. There’s no need to beg.” 

“You don’t have to if you’re busy,” A-Min protested weakly, because she was polite. 

“Thank you,” Huaisang interrupted, because he was not. 

Meng Yao just smiled and turned a page in his book.

---

Later that night, after dinner and far too many books on spiders, Huaisang went to find his brother. He didn’t bother checking his office or the training grounds; his brother had been in a good enough mood during dinner that he probably didn’t have much work at the moment or feel the need to unwind by stabbing training dummies. 

As Nie Huaisang passed the disciples stationed outside his brother’s bedroom, A-Min begged, Please knock. 

If he wanted to keep me out, Huaisang replied matter-of-factly, then he would have told his guards. Without another word, he threw the doors open and declared, “Da-ge, it’s me!” 

“As if anybody else would just barge in here.” Nie Mingjue looked up, scowling, from where he was sitting on the ground in the middle of his room. There was a map spread over the floor and a few pages of notes, but Nie Kun was lying across from them with her chin in her paws. Nothing particularly stressful, then. Both of them looked uncharacteristically relaxed, jagged edges softened by the flickering candlelight. 

“Haven’t you missed me?” Huaisang demanded. 

Nie Mingjue stared at him as if the question were too stupid to answer. 

Huaisang beamed when he found nothing but grudging affection in his brother’s face. There was no sign of the irritation or disappointment from earlier, although he was sure it would all come back as soon as he started skipping saber practice again. “Let’s play a game of go.” 

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, because he was a coward who didn’t want to lose. 

Huaisang dropped onto the ground next to his brother, sticking his lower lip out in a pout. “But, da-ge, I’ve been away for so long! I’ve been wasting away in Cloud Recesses without any entertainment—”

“Then maybe you should have studied harder,” Nie Mingjue snapped, without bite.

Huaisang pointed an accusing finger at him. “Think of it this way! Your little brother is failing for you, so you have another excuse to come to Cloud Recesses and see Lan Xichen—”

“What are you talking about?” Nie Mingjue snapped, but Huaisang saw the way Nie Kun ducked her head to hide her face in her paws. 

He couldn’t help grinning broadly. “Nothing, nothing!” 

Nie Mingjue squinted suspiciously at him. Huaisang blinked as innocently as he could. Finally, Nie Mingjue turned back to his maps with a huff. 

Huaisang leaned over his brother’s shoulders to look; A-Min emerged from where she’d hidden in his sleeve and settled on his knuckles. “What’re you working on?”

“We’re hosting the Discussion Conference next year,” Nie Kun said, eager to change the subject. 

Huaisang groaned and flopped over, his head only narrowly missing Nie Mingjue’s knee. A-Min shrieked and jumped off of him, as if he’d be so careless as to crush his own daemon. “That’s so boring! And also a whole year in the future.” 

Nie Mingjue poked his shoulder, “If you’re just going to lay on my map and complain, then leave.” 

Huaisang pouted, but the floor was comfortable and he didn’t want to sit up. The map shifted beneath him, and he tilted his head back to find Nie Kun sitting right behind his head. “You missed me, didn’t you?” he asked, smiling guilelessly at her. 

She huffed, breath warm against his face. “Oh, A-Sang.” And then she leaned down and pressed her nose to his brow. 

Huaisang froze. Her nose was as cold and wet as ever, but the soft touch was enough to send a wash of warmth through his entire body. He felt like he was five years old again, wrapped firmly in his brother’s arms. He felt small. He felt sheltered. He felt safe. 

Nie Kun pulled away, but she was still close enough that Huaisang could feel the warmth emanating from her fur. 

He laughed, softly. “I missed you too.” 

Nie Mingjue blinked. His expression was loose and comfortable and blatantly fond in a way it rarely was. “Where’s A-Min?”

“I’m here!” A-Min scuttled into the candlelight, shifting back and forth until Nie Mingjue’s eyes caught on her. “Da-ge!”

Nie Mingjue reached down, palm up, and waited. 

A-Min immediately reached out, setting her two front legs on the tip of Nie Mingjue’s finger. 

Huaisang sighed as that feeling washed through him again. He instinctively threw one arm out, his hand settling over his brother’s knee. 

“You’re pretty, for a spider,” Nie Mingjue said, finally. 

A-Min retreated a couple inches, the same boundless affection Huaisang felt streaming across their bond. “Of course I am.” 

“She’s venomous,” Nie Huaisang said, eyes locked on his brother’s face. From this angle, he could only see his profile, the candlelight outlining him in warm amber. “So she’s not just some normal spider or something. She’s dangerous.” Meng Yao had been the one to find the right book, in the end. 

Nie Mingjue’s lips twitched into the smallest of grins. “Is she?” he asked. There was no condemnation or displeasure in his tone, only mild interest. 

That warm feeling was back, and Huaisang ducked his head to hide his smile. “I mean, not deadly,” Huaisang said, “But she’ll definitely be able to annoy somebody.”

Nie Mingjue laughed, the sound thoughtless and unsubdued by the night’s dark. “Oh, well now I understand.” 

Huaisang sat up indignantly. “Da-ge!” he cried, in a tone that meant don’t be mean to me but also I love you. 

Nie Mingjue’s lips quirked into a smile. “Get off my map. Both of you.” 

Huaisang immediately scrambled up, only to fall against his brother’s side and sling an arm around his waist. Nie Kun sat against Nie Mingjue’s other side, paws extended, and watched patiently as A-Min scuttled up her claw and settled in the softness of her fur.

“Don’t distract me,” Nie Mingjue warned, “I’m working.” 

“Give me the seating chart,” Huaisang replied, not missing a beat, “You don’t even know half the minor sect leaders anyways.” 

And he did.

------

daemons:

nhs: nie min (brown widow spider)

nmj: nie kun (moon bear)

jgy: meng zhu (giant forest scorpion)

[minsugapie]

Now You See Me: part 38 (2103 words) - just shut up

• • • • • •

You’re a content creator that is wanting to change up your brand a little bit.

Yoongi is a faceless musician. Well, he’s two people at once. He’s Agust D online and while performing, but he’s Min Yoongi in real life.

Who will he be to you?

• • • • • •

PART 37 // PART 38 // PART 39

masterlist

• • • • • •

tags : @dixonsbugaboo @mayumioutloud @xlilybebe @pocketfullofsuga @pwinny00 @rjsmochii @yoonglemickdoongle @live-2-fangirl @cherryicy123 @vernooope @okaysoplshelpme @thebleuprince @minyoongone @original-internetmonster @princesskimnamjoon @waddlingmyg @ur-gunna-h8-ths @zombiewerewolfqueen @spookyricewithsoysauce @tae165 @sunshinedeaa @dreamcatcherjiah @tirednation @labgeek @lyndseygoregasmxo @luwunacy @hellboundblogger @listless-losers @my-chaos-in-stars @pityandchiil @uwukinawa 

• • • • • •

sorry it’s late. it’s also kinda short but it’s loaded with gooey stuff so...enjoy x 

• • • • • •

Scrolling through instagram while procrastinating getting ready for the show tonight, you couldn’t help but notice how cute Hoseok and Jade were together. You didn’t know why you hadn’t thought of it sooner, but they really complimented each other very well…he deserved to have someone stable, who actually liked him. Although you knew that Jade was still hung up on Yoongi, they’d be good for each other. 

Sure, you had noticed that Hoseok was good looking (you weren’t blind), but ever since you’d set eyes on Yoongi, you knew that he was it for you. He was all the you needed, all that you thought about. And when you first met him, well, that was just the blood-red seal on the letter. 

A text from Jade interrupted your thoughts. She informed you that they were on their way to the show, so you had better get ready and be there. If you didn’t show, she was going to track you down and make you come. 

So your only choice was to go talk to Yoongi. 

Walking to your closet, you stared at it for minutes. You simply had nothing to wear. After choosing simple blue jeans, black boots, and your leather jacket (literally the simplest outfit you could have chosen), you sighed and locked the door on your way out. Tae and Hana were already out for the afternoon and would meet you there, so you were going solo. 

By the time you slowly made your way there, the show was starting, which was fine because talking to him before the show would not have been good. Also, you wanted him all to yourself with all the time in the world. 

You watched from by the bar, texting Jade that you were there, and that you were going to head backstage to talk to him after the show. At least there you’d be hidden from the crowd. 

Watching the last 20 minutes of the show reminded you of the other show with all the intensity. You could hear the frustration, anger and hurt in his voice with every bar. You almost started crying when his voice cracked during a particularly painful lyric. The pain only increased when a piano was suddenly rolled onto the stage, and a woman who had been standing beside you walked onto the stage. The crowd went quiet, and you held your breath as the stage commanded the attention. Yoongi was seated at the piano, hood over his head and mask under his chin. A whisper rushed through the crowd when he pulled his hood down and took off his mask. He still wasn’t really visible, but he was no longer hiding. You held your breath, heart race increasing. 

The song he started playing had basically been the only one you’d been listening to as of late —“Song Request”. If the tears weren’t falling before, then they were now. You weren’t stupid. You knew that the song was inspired by you, vaguely at least, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t like it. It showed such a vulnerable side of Yoongi that you hadn’t able to get to know throughout your time together so far. And although it was a sad song, you loved every second of it. 

You watched Yoongi’s back the entire performance, arms and feet moving in sync to create a beautiful melody. You had never gotten tired of watching him play piano, and you were sure that you would never be tired of it. Loving someone that was so gifted, especially musically, was not something that you planned to take for advantage anymore. 

You wanted Yoongi. Hell, you wanted him more than anything you’d ever wanted in your life. If that man asked you to go to school, you probably would have just because he would be with you. But that wasn’t realistic.

In a perfect world, the two of you would be together with your nice private relationship, but you were both plastered on the internet (mostly you). In fact, you were sure that Yoongi had a peaceful relationship with the internet until you came alone. You simply caused him trouble. You basically threw him to the wolves simply by asking him to create a small piece of art for you. 

Before you realized, the show was over, and he took a bow before walking off the stage, microphone in one hand and mask in the other. He didn’t necessarily show his face to the crowd, but he hadn’t hidden it either. 

You could tell that he didn’t realize that you would be right backstage because as soon as he finally saw you he stopped in his tracks, mouth falling open. He didn’t see you at first, however, because he often walked while looking at the ground, something that he had been doing then.

You didn’t realize this, but it took everything in Yoongi to keep him from walking right into your arms and smothering you in the biggest hug he’d ever given or received. The small part of him that held his will-power was fuelled by the memory of your leaving him for a month and not ignoring him. 

He wondered how it was so easily done, because he had realized even before you’d slept together that he would have never been able to stay away from you for that long. It genuinely hurt that you were capable of such a thing. The last time someone hadn’t spoken to him was when Jade initially moved away. She didn’t speak to him for half a year, but even that wasn’t nearly as hard as this had been. 

“You came,” he managed, not able to move another muscle. You could tell that he was checking you out by the way his eyes raked over your body. Maybe he was checking to see if you were really there. Honestly, at that point, were you even there? It seemed like this day would have never came. 

“How could I miss it?” You tried to joke, cracking a small smirk. When Yoongi’s face held no sign of amusement, your smile faded. 

Running a hand through his hair, he sighed and replied, “You didn’t seem to have a problem missing every single one of my calls and messages. You didn’t even open my snaps, Y/N.”

Closing your eyes, you thought about what you needed to say. You didn’t want to hurt him more than you already had; he didn’t deserve it. All he’d been was nice to you. 

“I had to. It would have been too hard for me to leave. Plus, do you want to know the biggest fucking joke of it all? The day that I would have answered was the day you stopped calling.”

He groaned, taking a step towards you, but it felt like he was taking a step back. “That doesn’t explain anything to me. I’m still as confused as I was when you left. We had just decided that we wanted to start dating and actually be together, and then you up and leave. What am I supposed to think? Did you just use me for sex, or to get some songs out of me? Because that’s what this feels like. It fucking SUCKS.”

Tears started escaping your eyes out of frustration. Why didn’t he understand that this was for him? You were just figuring out the words to articulate what you were feeling when he continued, “You know what, whatever, I’m done with this. If you can’t give me a proper answer then I’m leaving.” Yoongi started walking quickly towards you but simply brushed by with a nudge on your shoulder. 

He exited the stage and started making his way through the crowd. Crying out in frustration at yourself, you ran after him. “Hey!” You called, closing the distance between the two of you. Clearly people were interested in what was happened because people formed a small circle around the two of you. It was easy to tell that there was something going on with all the tension and emotions buzzing between you two. “Just give me a second to get my thoughts in order!”

“Why? You’ve had an entire month alone to get your thoughts together. What you’ve given me so far is nothing.”

“My month away was not only because of you, and you know that. I’ve had so much shit going on in my life that I needed to confront before I could even remotely think about what was going on between us. Up until last week my dad was still under the impression that I was going to follow his orders and go to school and marry Hoseok and be who he wanted me to be!”

“Whatever. You would think that the person you wanted to be in a relationship with would have been a great confidant, but I guess not…” You’d never seen this cold side of Yoongi, especially towards you. “Did you even like me at all?”

“Of course, I like you! I’m in love with you!”

“You sure have a funny way of showing it.” If looks could kill, you would have been dead. 

Rubbing your hands down your face, you had to stop yourself from throwing a fit. Not only were you frustrated with the way Yoongi was being, but you were mad at yourself. You understood where he was coming from, yet he was being stubborn. 

“Don’t you get it, Yoongi?! All other matter aside, the reason I didn’t confide in you was because I tried to push myself away. I don’t want to be the reason that you have to reveal yourself to the world! I’ve been getting hate for being with you and only you, but in two different appearances because people assumed. People never stop assuming.” You’d used his real name without a second thought, and although neither you nor Yoongi noticed, everyone around you had, including your giant group of friends that had gathered and were watching the heated conversation without a blink or breath. 

“Y/N,” he tried to cut you off, but you weren’t done. If he wanted answers, he was going to get them. 

“No! Just think about it for a second! People will be all over you in private if you reveal to the world who you truly are! It sucks so bad! I have to live with it every day. At least now you can go out somewhere without a mask because no one knows who you are…” You trailed off, a tear slipping down your cheek again. You were calmer than you had been when you’d become the small rant, but you were more sad than anything. The tears became continuous as you practically felt your heart tear in two. 

“Hey, shh, come on,” he hushed, taking the step towards you and rubbing his thumbs across your cheeks to pick up the tears. 

You tried to pull away from his grasp, but he wouldn’t let you. It was his time to talk. Whispering, he replied, “Look at me. I don’t have my mask on right now, and I’m fine. Let people assume. I don’t care about any of that anymore. I just want to be with you, Y/N, and if it means giving up my identity, then so be it. I’m so in love with you that it makes me crazy. You drive me up the wall, and yet you’re the one person that can calm me down with a simple look. I don’t want to just be some guy that came and went. I want to be your present and your future. I wanted our lives to be one. I want for you to trust me enough to meet your dad. All I want is you, whatever way it comes. I can still make music without a mask, but I can’t love you if you won’t let me.”

You hadn’t meant for your conversation to be so public, but he was right. He didn’t have his mask on right now, and nobody seemed to be doing anything. Not one picture of him was taken. Not one person was even willing to interrupt the conversation. We had everyone’s eyes and ears. 

“Are you sure you want me so badly? I’m all sorts of messed up…” You just wanted to best for him, and you weren’t sure if you were it. 

“Just shut up,” he mumbled, crashing his lips against yours. 

With a few hoots and hollers, you at least knew that not everyone would be mean given the chance. Maybe being with Yoongi wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

[midnightbedroom]

Law of Attraction

I don’t know how else to explain it to be honest.

I feel like everything is just falling into its rightful places without having to direct them anywhere. All the firsts, all the experiences, all the love, it felt outrageously insane to feel these types of emotions that I never knew I would ever feel in my life.

It’s safe to say I’m beyond blessed with all the blessings I’ve received so far in my life. I’m thankful for what has been given to me and what is yet to be in store for me. I always like to think of what is there to come rather than focusing on the present. Because once we find ourselves stuck in the now, we forget to treasure everything else coming for us.

Recently, I’ve been doing both: treasuring the future and reminiscing the past. 

Presley just had came by from Vegas to see me for the first time, and never has anyone done that for me before. Imagine having someone who’s as dedicated to travel more than two hundred miles to see you. Yeah, that’s him. Scratch that off his Rice Purity Test score. I can’t believe he actually pulled through. Throughout all the complications and obstacles we faced through, it was all worth it after the first hug we shared, which I should say, was completely wholesome. I would never forget the feeling I got from that hug. I was lost, but in the same time, found. He made me feel things that I couldn’t even comprehend myself, which was insane. He let me love, again. I never thought I would find this feeling but with such a deeper meaning into it.

We spent the first night chilling in the old park, warming each other up. I felt so safe in his arms. Right then at that moment, nothing else mattered, just us two. We talked for a while, shared the first puff from the Sour Apple, and just genuinely enjoyed the moment as it lasted. I felt beyond satisfied. I gave him a back massage, and we were just hanging onto each other as if our lives meant on it. Although after a long day, we both managed to get some food from Vallarta’s to eat. I finally shared a box of Christian Fries, and man did that hit differently. It tasted better than it did the few other times I’ve eaten it.

After that share of fries and puff sessions in the bathroom, we decided to go back to the new park, and that’s when we shared our first kiss. What a hungry, careful, obnoxious, and purest moment it was. It was everything. I loved how we read each other’s wavelength so perfectly. No words are needed to be exchanged; we knew exactly how the other felt. 

After that long session, he had to leave, but I wasn’t scared or mad. I knew that I was actually going to see him again the next day.

I woke up and got ready for our day. I left with his gifts and settled in the Lyft car. When finally reaching the AirBNB they were staying in, I was actually amazed on how big the place was. It had that vintage feel. I saw him standing on the side of the road, waiting for me. My heart warmed. We drove up to the drive way and I met his family. I was surprised on how openly they welcomed me. 

We exchanged gifts inside, but regardless of the amount of gifts he got me, I treasured being with him the most. Just spending some time with him made my entire year. It felt like that was the only missing thing I’ve been trying to pursue. 

They took us to a brunch place nearby, and man we ate too little. I felt bad because I didn’t really have an appetite in the morning. Then, we came to a consensus on whether we should stay in or leave to go to LA with his family. We both decided to stay in. And it was the best decision ever.

We did what all couples would do if they’re alone in a house. Cuddle. Hah, gottem. Yeah we did other stuff too, we’ll get there. We shared a glass of wine, and found our way to his bed. And I’ve never felt a bed that comfortable until I laid my body on it next to him. I felt like we’ve connected more than we already have. It was amazing. I knew that feeling couldn’t be reciprocated, so I treasured it as much as I possibly can. 

Leading up to that point, we went at it. Like hard. It was fucking mind blowing holy shit. I let him do it twice. T W I C E. Who the fuck??? I’ve never let anyone do that, let alone let them do it twice. It was crazy. Who the fuck am I to let that happen??? But then again, after all that I had no regrets. I enjoyed every moment of it.

I took him to my work and got him a Mango Snowbowl and my two specialty taiyakis: Meat Lover’s and an Oreo S’more. I enjoyed it more than all the times I’ve worked there with free shit. Seeing his reaction in real life and sharing the same food I eat is way different than just showing him how to make it. 

And, oh yeah, I destroyed him in pool. Surprising? Yeah, kinda, just a little bit. I didn’t really wanna show off, but I knew my pool ways. I remember trying that geometry shit and the split and that shit was s p i c y. That was my first time pulling dumb shit like that off, and I’m surprised it did pull through. Kinda reminded me of the time when I destroyed Owwen and broke his pride for a while. Good times.

Oh god, don’t remind me. The walk to Michael’s. That bitch took so long. We came all the way from PetCo to Michael’s, and I could NOT fucking do it. I was in my heels too jeez. We got nothing out of it, so we just picked up my stuff and left to go to the park until we said our goodbyes for our early day tomorrow.

And heck, it was early.

Imagine getting up at 5am during break. 

I left and packed all my shit up surprisingly that early. I left at six and got to his house around 6:50am. He woke up all of a sudden as I entered his room. I went to cuddle with him, and everything else was just set in place. The moment was perfect. Everything was just so pure. We tried to watch the sunset together, and lead off to going for an early morning session. I wish we could do that everyday if I’m going to be perfectly honest with you.

After it though, he showered and I just fell asleep on his bed countless times. We would always find ourselves cuddling right after, which was heart warming. I love the feeling of being next to him, or just by simply being in his arms. I felt like I was safe and warm without needing to worry about anything at all. I loved it.

We went to go get ramen to my go to place in Tajima, and fuck, again, that shit tasted so much better compared to the times I’ve been there. We walked to Up2You, and regardless of how full we are, we still managed to eat a whole ass loaf of toasted bread. That shit was amazing.

Even if our plans were a bit unorganized, we still got to Balboa and exchanged gifts. That was definitely a moment I can never forget. Being in a place filled with strangers and not giving a fuck about a single thing - that. THAT’s what mean. 

I gave him a nightlight jar, a painted treasure box, and a song. He gave me a bracelet with all our inside jokes and words I attempt to use as my comebacks. I can’t believe he actually remembered all this stuff just for me. I’m in complete utter awe.

Although that moment was short, I treasured it a lot. We shared a Bird back and damn was that an experience. Imagine traveling 2 miles in 5 mins, that’s insane. We drove to Fashion Valley and shopped a little, resulting to two matching caps, a beanie, and my first ever black bucket hat. 

We somehow found our way to Little Italy and got a black truffle lasagna and Extraordinary Desserts. It was really fulfilling, but not so much to my liking - you’ll understand it later. We walked around, got fooled by a stranger that there’s an ATM down the street, then drove back to the AirBNB. 

The ride home, we both passed out on each other, me being the first. I felt like I was just done for the day, but we just settled down and cuddled for a bit then rushed to being a kite. He and I both tried out a new cart, Forbidden Fruit, which will never be used again in my lifetime. When it hit, I was in another universe. I couldn’t feel my body, I could barely even move without putting 50% of my effort. I had no control.

With this sudden highness, I remembered to text my mom, which is honestly THE WORST FUCKING EXPERIENCE EVER. I had to settle my thoughts and say exactly what I wanted to say without sounding stupid, and it took so much out of me. I felt like the entire earth was crushing its weight against me, like damn. I was hyperventilating, and he was just supporting me. When I pressed send, a whole flush of relief just came and collapsed on me, and I felt so fucking tired. 

Of course, you already know what came next. That was a whole ass fucking experience. He ripped my jean zippers, and we laughed the fuck out. I was actually so relieved in some way, I knew that was going to happen somehow. We went at it, and I couldn’t stop myself from moaning so fucking loud. He even told me to shut the fuck up three times.

And that’s when I remembered to take my pill.

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

I couldn’t open my eyes to point directly where my bag was and where my pills were. He had to go through everything just to find it. My body was numb, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe prolly, I could’ve just passed out if I wanted to. He finally found it and gave me vitamin water, and yikes that was not a good combo with my current stomach.

I felt all the built up acid churning in my stomach, and before you knew it, I threw up. Jesus the mushrooms and acid from the truffles hhhhhhhhhh.

I just felt so fucking horrible afterwards so I proceed to sleep. lmfao.

Somehow, I found myself on him, naked, cuddled up, holding hands with the sunrise upon us. He woke up next to me, but we still passed out after a awhile. When we actually woke up for real this time, we washed up and took a shower. Yardy know what we did in the shower; something I never done ever for the first time. Shower sex. Imagine cumming inside for the third time but in the shower type beat.

We finished up and packed the rest of our stuff then made our way out. 

Then, I knew that it was our few moment actually together, and it kinda already drained me right then. He called my Lyft, and we said our goodbyes. I drove away and watched his frame grow smaller and smaller as the the distance between us grew.

I felt broken.

I never actually been with a guy four days straight in a row, and this shit slapped me real hard. I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t know what to do either. I felt immensely lost. The Lyft driver’s starting conversations didn’t help as much either. 

I wanted to make a separate post of how I actually felt after. But for now, that was my first experience with my future husband.

[mysweetkittae]

BTS LOVE YOURSELF TOUR: LONDON DAY 2 (10/10/18)

I recorded most of the concert so to see the videos please check my pinned thread on twitter (@bunkook20)

Let me just say right from the start that the UK LOVED Jin, and when I say that they loved him I mean that every SINGLE time he appeared on screen, whether in the MVs, the videos in between or just Jin himself, everyone LOST IT and screamed their lungs out to the high heavens. It was amazing.

I was in lower tier seating so I can’t say for sure since I wasn’t in standing myself, but every time I looked over everyone was being really respectful and no one was pushing (at least on my side) which made me really happy!

Also! All of the security and staff at the arena that I came across were really lovely too!

Maybe around 5 minutes before the concert was supposed to start an annoucement came from the translator that Jungkook wouldn’t be performing again because of his injury. He was apologising loads on their behalf but we were all like IT’S OKAY DON’T WORRY WE LOVE YOU!

A quick note on Jungkook: you could tell he wasn’t feeling well throughout the concert. He was very playful of course and was smiling and singing beautifully as always, but at times you could tell from his face that he was frustrated/upset at the situation which broke my heart because it’s not his fault :( He was also limping a bit when he walked, which shocked me because at that point we didn’t know that he had stitches on his heel and it made me really sad because I love him so much and the last thing I want is for him to be hurt and feel guilty about it :(( But, there was pretty much always a member with him and playing with him so thankfully baby bun was never too lonely! He definitely smiled the most and looked happiest when they were around him T-T

They went back to playing MVs after that, and played DNA, Mic Drop, and Fake Love. I think the concert started abut 10 mins late? 

THEN, my friends, the concert began with the beginning video and it was so pretty and magical.

Idol started playing next and I swear, as soon as the doors opened and they walked out I felt my body ascend to another plane and enter a state of pure bliss. For all these years I had only seen them through a screen, but now I was breathing the same air as them and looking at them with my own two eyes? Unfathomable. Also I could feel the heat of the fire from where I was sitting so I can’t even imagine how hot it must have been for them :/

Next was their opening ment and it was so surreal to hear them speaking and akdjakjfafa idk it was weird to expereince that but they sound so beautiful ;-; I kept saying hi back to them like the idiot I am lmao I couldn’t help it they were so adorable T-T Namjoon mentioned Jungkook’s injury and made sure to remind people to be mindful of their neighbours because he is the king of safety and we Respect that in this household.

They performed a bit of Save Me and all of I’m Fine but because I’m an absolute buffoon I forgot to press record so I’m really annoyed because I really love that song :( BUT at least I watched with my eyes and so I have the memory of it :’) It was an amazing performance and I loved it so much :(

They had their second ment here and then performed Magic Shop (one of my faves) which is just pure evil because how can they hit us with the feels so early on and expect us to be okay?? I was not fine. But it was so beautiful with all the purple lights and everyone singing together and it made me feel all warm and so happy :( You could really feel the love in the air

Just Dance was here but because I continued to be stupid I frickin forgot to press record again!!!! I’m super angry at myself. Hoseok though, his charisma and the way he entrances the crowd is insane! And his dancing!! omfg he is honest to god one of the best dancers I have seen in my entire life. He’s so mesmerising and you couldn’t take your eyes off him for even a second.

After this was Euphoria, which is one of my favourite songs ever because it makes me so happy and like everything is going to be okay. Jungkook has the most beautiful, soothing voice and I just can’t describe how hearing him made me feel. It made me feel like I was safe. He kept looking at the crowd with so much adoration and the most beautiful of smiles and he was listening to us singing along and it made me so happy because he looked so happy :(

I Need U was straight after and this made me !!! because this was the song that changed my life and made me an army so hearing it live made me totes emosh :(

Run was pretty hype and Joonie got us all jumping so it was really fun!

Serendipity!! Jimin has so much stage presence it’s crazy, it was truly a magical performance and it felt like we were all in a trance. He also kept putting his hand up his shirt to make it do the flappy doodle thing which was the epitome of rudeness :)) He is a beautiful dancer and you’d be a fool to deny it.

Love started and it was so much fun! He really knows how to work a crowd, everyone was singing and it was like we were all performing together aajfakfak I loved it. I also really liked Joonie’s jacket. idk if it’s clear in the video but at the end when the members were joining him on stage Jungkook was walking really slowly and that’s when I first saw that he was limping :(

DNA was amazing but all I could focus on was how sparkly Jimin was. I loved it. I love sparkly things. I’m like a magpie... or a niffler. ANyway, baby bun did as much of the choreo as he could in his chair and the members kept looking at him when they were singing at it was so cute huhu they love him so much he’s their precious baby.

They had another quick ment here before the medley of Dope, Go Go, Blood Sweat Tears, Boy In Luv and Fire. Jin and Jimin were playing with Jungkook so much it was the cutest thing and Jungkook had the biggest smile TT-TT

Airplane Pt2 was super fun but also kinda sensual and idk how to explain the feeling but it’s like there was something radiating from my chest throughout my body and I Felt It(TM) in my soul okay? 

FAKE LOVE!!! tbh I had forgotten that they might perform this lmao so it was a super pleasant surprise! I really love this song and the energy from them and the crowd was amazing. The video didn’t pick it up very well smh but the fanchants were so good! Especially for the WHY YOU SAD? IDK NAN MOLLA lmao it was like we were a cult summoning the devil it was Great. Also! At the end when jinkook are supposed to do their arm thing together Jungkook did it from his chair with Jin in the actual formation so they did it together but from a distance :(

Seesaw omfg I love this song so much and I was looking forward to it so much and it did not disappoint. It’s such a good song and such a good performance and he has such a pretty voice and I really really liked it ;-; Everyone went wild for when he slid down the bench it was so cool omg. The fanchants during the bit at the end could’ve been better but it definitely wasn’t bad and people were screaming loads! I would’ve done the fanchants better myself but my voice was hoarse from my cold before the concert even started and progressively got worse as it went on since I was screaming so much that by this point I was struggling to breathe and trying my best not to choke to death in the midde of the performance and have it be caught on camera because y’know, Priorities. 

SING.U.LA.RI.TY. Oh my goodness gracious me this performance was something else. The dance he does at the beginning with his hand was so sensual and mesmerising and I honestly couldn’t look away. It was so realistic as well, I obviously knew that there was no one there but it looked so real that if you told me that it was someone else’s hand I would’ve totally believed you. Also his hands are ridiculously beautiful. The first thing I noticed was how perfect Tae’s live was. Obviously they’re all amazing live and have been in all of the performances, as has Tae himself, but in this song it’s unlike anything I’ve heard before. It literally literally genuinely truly sounded EXACTLY like the studio version to an almost scary point. This man is an incredibe singer and if you can’t see or hear that god help your soul.  

Oh god Epiphany. This was the performance I think everyone was looking forward to, and you can clearly hear it with how loud everyone was screaming. Jin looked absolutely ethereal with his parted hair and beautiful face and beautiful voice and beautiful jacket. His voice has so much emotion that just pierces through your heart. This man has a true gift that is impossible to deny. Every was singing “I’m the one I should love” together and whether that was something we believed in or not, in that moment we all truly loved ourselves, and there’s nothing more beautiful than that. Listening to Jin sing Epiphany surrounded by the most beautiful lights... I felt at peace. I felt safe.

If Epiphany wasn’t emotional enough they went straight into The Truth Untold and I do not lie when I say that the emotions were tangible. Every single one of them looked angelic in their gorgeous outfits and their voices were like honey and I felt so light but my heart felt heavy at the same time? It was a very bizarre feeling. Everyone was singing along and it really was so beautiful. Jungkook’s adlibs at the end and Jimin’s change of the high note were incredible and if I didn’t have such a stone cold heart then I’m sure I would’ve cried like I thought I would. 

Listen. I had seen so many fancams so I KNEW that Outro Tear came immediately after The Truth Untold, but nothing could’ve prepared me for how insane that performance was. Not only for the whiplash it gave me since the previous 2 performances were so emotional, but the 3 of them are such phenomenal rappers and have so much control and power over the stage and audience that it’s almost terrifying. You couldn’t keep your eyes off them even if you tried. They each have their unique styles but the way they come together so perfectly and beautifully is unbelievable. I have no idea how they manage to show such individualty yet perfect synchronicity at the same time, but they do and it truly is a sight to see. They are a force to be reckoned with and I know for a fact that down the line they are going to have such important roles in shaping the music industry. Don’t ever doubt their abilities, not even for a second.

Next was Mic Drop, which Namjoon announced was the last song and I was like??? How??? It honestly only felt like it had been about half an hour but it had been 2 hours. Jungkook didn’t come out for this performance, not even sitting on a chair, so the whole time in the back of my mind I was really worried about him. This is only speculation of course so don’t take it as the truth or anything, but he really must not have been feeling well for him not to even be able to sit on a chair. Either he was in loads of pain or he fainted or something?? idk, I just hope it wasn’t too bad :( They just played the backing track for his parts with the members sometimes singing over it too. The performance itself was amazing though! They had so much energy and the dance break was the bomb dot com.

After this the main part of the concert had officially ended and the girls next to me were asking each other if it was over so I was like no no don’t worry there’s an encore they’re coming back! Don’t leave yet!

After some time it was ARMY TIME so everyone held up their banners and it was so nice! So What had started, which I was surprised about because I thought that they’d want us to hold the banners up during a slower, more emotional song but nope. So What was the hypest song out of the entire concert and everyone was jumping so much and it was just so so so much fun?? 

Jungkook was back for this performance but it was very obvious that he wasn’t doing well. He was singing fine and trying to be playful but you could see in his eyes and his face that he wasn’t okay, which is why I feel like he might have felt faint before or something, though I’m still just speculating so don’t hold it again me. Jin stayed by his side for basically the whole time and walked slowly with him down the ramp to the extended stage and!! You guys, when Jungkook did the shoot dance, although it was very slow he looked so so happy, it made my heart melt :( I’m glad he was able to do it because honestly that was one of the times he smiled the biggest :( Jin did it together with him and it was so sweet and I’m just so glad they all have each other to look out for them. Taejin had their Moment again it was fantastic. There was lots of cuteness throughout the whole thing and they looked like they were having so much fun! It made me very happy.

Anpanman was super fun and very enjoyable! It really is such a cute song uwu it made me smile a lot :’) Jungkook was looking at the audience a lot for this one and doing as much of the dance as possible in his chair what a cutie pie and Joonie and Jimin played with him too and he kept laughing uwu uwu this song was too much for me.

Then it was time for their ending ment. They started off with such a sweet event for us :( They made the army bombs turn rainbow coloured and took a picture with the arena in the background and it was so lovely :( Also lmao Hobi said it was photo time with an American accent, but Joon corrected him saying that is was “phoTo” with the enunciated ‘T’ sound like you say with an English accent if that makes sense?? It was really funny and after that Hobi kept saying photo with the harsh T and it was adorable. Joon then went on to say that Yoongles was going to do his ment first but he kept saying “sweetie sweetie sweetie suga” in an English accent again and alfjfkjfna I love him ma

Yoongs had his bling bling SUGA rings on and they were so sparkly! He was so smiley and just super cute. He repeatedly talked about how they were going to see us again soon so I’m certain that they’re coming back next year with either an epilogue tour or something so Wembley you better be prepared because next time we’re coming for you.

Hobster spoke in English and it was so good and it never fails to amaze me how hard he tries for all of his comments in all of the concerts. He was totes making fun of us though, when we said aww because he was sad it was the last concert day he said aww back and I felt the mockery but he’s so flippin adorable I don’t understand how can one human being possibly have so much power to make so many people happy it doesn’t make sense I don’t understand.

Tae. Eyebrows. Rude. He was being super cute talking about how he had seen London in movies (none that I knew of because he is evidently much more cultured than I am) and that he thought it was such a beautiful place and that armys were beautiful too (what a flirt). He then went on to saying some word but honest to god I hadn’t the faintest clue what he was saying and neither did my friend or anyone else around me and in the video you can hear a very faint “what?” because I was just so confused lmao. Apparently he said bloodclat? but I’m not from London so I have no idea what that means and I’m still no wiser. Twas a very confuzzling time.

Jin. Jinnie. Kim Seokjin. My man. My bro. Dude. Please stop looking so handsome, it hurts me. He was talking about how he looked like Kingsman and that next time he’ll dress up like Harry Potter. I’m holding that promise to you Jin, don’t let me down. At that point Namjoon said “shut up Malfoy” like he did in that one vlive last year(?) and it was so funny I couldn’t stop laughing why must they be so adorable?? 

Jimin was next and he kept saying that everything was lovely again and again and it was so sweet and oh my god he is literally the cutest thing ever I love him so much he is such a precious person please protect him 5eva. He also said that he wanted to come back so Jimbles! I’m holding that promise to you too don’t let me down.

Baby bun was next and he was apologising for not being able to show us more but we all just screamed NOOOOOOO really loudly because we love our precious baby in this household and he must never apologise for something that was out of his control :( Even though he was injured he still gave it his all and did his best and his health and happiness is more important than anything else!! We don’t need to see him perform, we just need him to be healthy.

Nimnams was next and my god he was so radiant. At first he tried doing an English accent but he quickly gave up on it lmao what a cutie pie I love him. He said that he fell in love with London and that it really inspired him and that he might write a song called London and we all just went !!! Because with Jungkook being injured in London it would’ve been understandable for them to associate the UK with negative feelings because that’s just how human brains work, but the fact that they seemed to have loved it so much and were inspired by it and want to write a song about it? It just made me feel so proud. I hope that when they come back they get the chance to travel around a bit because there is so much to see and it has such a different vibe to London and I’m sure they’d love it! He said how he was proud of himself for chosing this path in life and becoming a part of BTS and therefore being able to come to London :( This boy completely owns my heart and I would do anything for him :(

After this was the last song, Love Yourself Answer, but I didn’t have much space left on my phone so I couldn’t record it :( It was so lovely though and as one of my favourite songs it made my heart all wibbly wobbly :( Tae was on my side a lot and was beng super duper cute and it was the best. Jungkook’s seat was still in the middle so the members were playing with him lots and being all round cutie pies. Everyone was singing “you’ve shown me I have reasons I should love myself” and it was so beautiful to hear people saying that to themselves and actually believing it in that moment. This was another song that made my heart happy and made me feel very peaceful and like everything was okay in the world.

Then it was the ending and they were walking around the extended stage and waving to us all. Jimin kept saying that we were lovely and Tae said I purple you and urgh it was just so incredible and magical. They thanked their dancers and bowed with them and we all screamed for them too! There was loads of confetti and it was so so so beautiful. 

It ended then, and I remember suddenly feeling so empty. The past 2 and a half hours had without a doubt been the best of my life and the fact that I has seen bts live with my own eyes and been in the same place as them was still hard to comprehend.

One thing I can say for sure though is that they truly love performing on stage. They must have been so exhausted with how crazy their schedules have been, but they were constantly smiling and had high energy and put on the best performance that they could. Never once did I feel like they were being forced to do something they didn’t want to do, not like I sometimes feel with some other singers. No words can fully express how genuinely happy they looked to be on stage, and that in itself makes me so happy. Knowing that they are doing something that they love so much and are so passionate about is incredible and I hope that they are able to do the things they want to do for a long time. Anyone watching them can feel the amount of love they have for the stage, each other, and us.

And that’s the thing - people can try and dissect them and figure out what the ‘bts formula’ is as much as they want, but they will never find the answer; because you cannot formulate love, and you cannot formulate authenticity. Every moment since the creation of the universe led them to where they are today. It led them to each other, the most beautiful of soulmates, and it led us to them, our guardian angels who came into our lives when we needed them the most. Everything that has happened in our lives, both the good and the bad, led us to the moment where we discovered bangtan, and something in us told us that this was where we belonged. We all come from so many different walks of life, so many different journeys and destinations, yet here we all are, coming together because of these 7 beautiful boys with even more beautiful hearts, and intertwining our lives with one another. Despite all odds, we survived, and we’re living this life together; and that is nothing short of a miracle.

[alliebruns-blog]

Crafty Fox Marathon, Downslink Ultra and Pacing a Pal…..

Well, I’ve been shit at this, haven’t I? I’ve just had loads on and so have totally not had time to do the writing thing that I love doing the most. I have, however, been doing a fair bit of running. September saw the inaugural Crafty Fox marathon - a classic White Star marathon ish in the lovely village of Ansty. For reasons known to nobody apart from myself, I decided to wear a fox tail. Calm down everyone, it’s not a real one. I left that at home. This was 2 loops of a beautiful working farm, with cows and views and posh schools and loads of lovely runners. 

TAIL!

It was my first marathon in a couple of weeks, and my training had been less than satisfactory. At this point in the year, I’m just trying to keep things ticking over rather than win stuff or beat my PB’s or even do anywhere near ‘well’. My “A “races have been done, and I have achieved what I set out - there’s just the small matter of 3 weeks of running across deserts and jungles in November to deal with, so ultimately I need to keep fit for what will be day after day of ‘challenging’ endurance running. 

HILL!

I turned up with about 30 miles in two weeks under my belt, telling myself it was “only” a marathon (epic mistake). I also didn’t pack anything substantial to eat because, again, I just thought it’s “only” a marathon. I am a twat. As is the way with White Star races, this was not flat. I was running with Julius, who was taking it easy as he had the half marathon the next day (where I was marshalling) so we set off, almost immediately walking up a massive hill. The course was lovely - farmland tracks, mega up hills and cows trotting next to us. The downs were as steep as the ups and, after about 6 miles, I started to get hungry. The aid stations had the usual mix of WSR stuff, but I really needed a sandwich and I didn’t have one. The fact that I was hungry, basically meant my run was a slog. It took away from the beauty of it -  all I could think about was food. As it was a test race, the usual Love Station was less full than it would have otherwise been, which led this vegetarian to eat 71 mini sausages on the first loop. Sorry everyone, but a girls gotta eat. If I am honest, I hated that second loop, but it is my fault entirely. Food is important. 

Another hill.......

Not a cult......

This is a beauty of a race - as long as you’re not starving. The race village felt like a party zone - so many great faces and the brilliant Piddle Brewery delivering the goods on the booze front. The medal is awesome too. Would I do it again? 100%. Will I make sure to eat and get a bit more training in? Yes. As I said, I am a tail-wearing twat. 

MEDALZ

After a month off events with weddings and other stupid normal human stuff in the way, it was time for the Downslink Ultra. This is an event run by Jason McCardle - A Do-Badder and all round good egg. A race director who is also an endurance runner is a good thing - they know what’s what. I had been promising him for ages I would do a Sussex Trail Event, and had to this point failed, so I was really looking forward to this. It’s basically 38 miles down a disused railway track, running from Guildford to Shoreham-On-Sea. It’s flat - I LIKE FLAT! And I totally loved it. 

Start line pose.....

The wonderful Lorna Spayne (Head of Bailey Crew OBE) picked me up in the morning, and drove me to the start, and then went off on marshalling duties. She’s so brilliant. I love her.  The run is point to point, so Julius had parked his car at the end and got a bus up to meet me at the start. Clever ain’t we? 

Dream team....

Navigation is simple - follow the signs. The route is packed trail, with some stunning trots through forest and old tunnels. Although it’s a long, straight line, it never gets boring to look at - the weather was AMAZING - we lucked out with one of those cold, sunny autumn days, but once again my lack of midweek running was showing, and at times I found it a struggle. The start was at the top of a hill (approved) where we all whizzed down sandy trails and across very quiet roads to reach the first aid station at around 6 miles.

I mean..........

Dat Autumn sun filter....

At the second aid station, I bumped into Jay and mentioned how lucky we were with the weather - the day before had been appauling. “I know” he said “I ran it yesterday to check the route”. That’s what you want - and RD that does that is a keeper, and believe me a lot of them don’t! 

Aid stations were stocked with stuff for everyone - props on the vegan bites Jay! - and with super lovely marshals. I can only compare this to White Star for it’s organisation and support. You can tell Jay is a runner - he knows what runners want to eat for a start. The other runners were great and happy to chat as we clattered along - no Salomon men here (well a few but I didn’t see them because SLOW). Once again, Julius ran with me - I am trying to train him to run slower for the longer races we have booked in next year - not easy. He reminds me of my dog. I have to shout “WITH ME” every 5 mins when he tries to run off. I don't have a lead for him though. Not that sort of party. 

Welcome to the jungle....

A train......

This is a race for people that like to be sociable. Of course, it’s a great course for a PB - it’s flat and trail - nothing stopping you smashing it out - but it’s also very social, with wide paths and loads of space. It would be great for groups of people wanting to take on their first Ultra, as the cut offs are pretty decent and you don't have to run in single file at any point. I think if I had been on my own I would have got bored at points, but the autumn light was so brilliant and the changing scenery also made it seem less like a never ending railway track. 

Countryside......

It’s alright this.......

We went through fields, trails and small towns, under tunnels and through bits of ‘british jungle’. The main aid station is right next to a pub, and holy shit was it epic. Everything from sandwiches and mini wraps to cheese and pineapple on sticks to melon. This time, I had been sensible, and packed sandwiches and snacks and nuts, but I didn’t need too. There was even coffee! I was so happy I gave Jay a cuddle and 11 out of 10 for aid station glory. He just looked at me, confused.

Pro running shot courtesy of Lorna!

After this point it started to get a teeny bit more industrial on the run into Shoreham - not the worst end to a race I have ever experienced (Newcastle anyone?) Head of Crew Lorna met us about 2 miles from the end and ran us in. I was pretty happy with 7.14 on the back of no events the previous month and the chilli at the end was delicious, as were the showers. Sussex Trail Events know how to put on a good value, fun and achievable event. It’s safe, beautiful and genuinely a runners race. Jay understands what we want and need, and there’s nothing more to it. I am now eyeing up pretty much everything else he has on offer for next year - go and have a look for yourselves here. 

The following week I had the pleasure of being asked to pace my good friend Dan at his first 100 miler - the Autumn 100. As many of you know, this was my first 100 mile event this time last year and I was over the moon to be asked to help Dan out from the 50-75 mile mark. I know what a huge deal your first 100 mile race is and I know how important those pacers can be, so I was both scared I would fuck it up, and thrilled that I got to be part of his story. 

Dan looking better before I got to him......

The Ridgeway is leg 3 of a 4 leg race. It’s 50 miles in to the A100. Usually runners run it in the dark - and it is DARK up there - no light at all. I worked on a pace plan with Dan in the weeks before, giving him an A, B and C plan so he wouldn’t feel he was failing at any point. I worked out that to be on course for a sub 24 hour time, he should be with me at Goring at 8pm and ready to go at 8.10.  If we could do this 25 mile leg in 6 hours, he would be on for that sub 24 with 7 hours for the final leg (always keep an hour for aid station faff and procrastinating).

I got to Goring at 7pm (just in case) and had been watching his tracker like a hawk all day - he looked like he was on target. Sadly, in the last part of the second leg, he slowed slightly and came into Goring 40 mins later than planned, which means we didn’t leave until 8.50. I would have to try and get him through this leg slightly faster than planned and let his next pacer Kieran know that he was going to have to think more 6 hours than 7 for leg 4. 

Being a pacer is frought with difficulties. I know Dan quite well and I love him, we have run together before a lot - he came and ran with me on the Thames Path for 40 odd miles - but working out how far you can push a person is hard. I didn’t want to piss him off, but I had a job to do. We weren’t allowed to crew the runners - that means you can’t touch them, help them get changed or get them food and drink. They have to do it themselves or get a centurion member of staff to do it - that is massively frustrating. I got him out of the hall as soon as I could, and we started walking at 14 min miles up the hill towards the ridgeway. I explained we were late setting out, and we would have to do some running. Dan did not look impressed. He has already run 50 miles. I was fresh out the box. 

Halfway through the night shift.....

I was so worried about time and I tried to make Dan run as much as possible, but it was hard. When we walked, we walked at 13-14 min miles and I made him run down most of the hills. I could see him flagging. That far away look you get in your eyes - he had it. I kept on trying to be helpful. You need to be able to read when it’s ok to chat and when you should shut up. I pushed him to run as much as possible, and tried to get him to eat more. He wasn’t eating or drinking enough - I know exactly how he felt - but I also know you have to keep shovelling it down. The second half of the leg featured our best friend the “hammering side rain”. We were cold and wet - I ALWAYS run through this weather - to get out of it quicker - but Dan was only managing 2 mins running and then 5 - 10 mins walking. I texted ahead to tell Kieran to get ready to smash the next leg out in 6.30 rather than 7. 

As we came to the end of my leg I did a bit of home truth chat. I told him he could do it in sub 24 IF he could manage to do a 6.30 on the last leg. I told him about how you feel towards the end, and I hope that I helped him and didn’t scare him. We got in to the hall at 6.06 for my leg. Kieran was waiting, got him fed and changed as quickly as possible and got him out. When I saw him in the light of the hall I felt terrible I hadn’t fed him more. He was flagging. He had been running for almost 17 hours and he was half the Dan he usually was. I gave him a cuddle and went to get in the car home. It was 3.30am. Dan had over 7 hours more running to do.

The last leg was appalling for Dan - the weather was awful and his feet were playing up very badly. Despite this, he managed to get back in just over 25 hours - which is a fucking epic time for a first 100. I was lucky on mine - I didn’t have that driving rain and wind. With it, it would have been a very different story. Dan has achieved what 99% of people can’t, and for that I am immensely proud. I loved pacing him and being part of his journey and I learnt a lot from it. Huge thanks to Kieran for bringing him home in one piece. And thanks Dan for allowing me to annoy you for 6 hours. 

So that’s where we are at! Next up for me is the Thames Path “Trot” - 50 miles of Thames Path - because we all know how much I love the Thames Path right? (Kill me now) Then I am off to New York for the marathon. And then Namibia and Panama. Jesus christ, will this hell never end? (I hope not…..) 

[theseebonythoughts]

Changing Your Attitude To Life

Whenever we are dealing with bad news, difficult people or disappointment of some kind circumstances, most of us get into habits (ways of reacting) that do us more harm than good... particularly when we are facing adversity. 

We focus on the negative aspects and lose sight of the bigger picture.

We end up spending our lives fighting one drama after another.

But what would happen if we were learn the habit of responding to life with more ease?

Tonight I want to just share some of the easier, calmer methods that have helped me and those around me to deal with difficult circumstances.

These tips will focus on changing old/current habits of reaction... to new habits of perspective.

If these tips are helpful in any way, I am glad but they may not work for everyone.

 *************************************************************************************

 1) Make peace with imperfection.

Have you ever met a perfectionist who is happy?.. or wait for it, content?

The need for perfection, and the quest for contentment work In contradiction. By being attached to the idea of having something a certain way, better than it already is, we engage in a losing battle. 

Dissatisfaction cannot co-exist with contentment.

Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we focus on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it. This can be anything like a written piece of work, a disorganised wardrobe, observing the way someone else lives their life etc.

Contrary to what some may say, this has nothing to do with wanting to do your very best, but rather being overly attached and focussed on what's wrong with life.

*TIP*... Catch yourself when you fall into the habit of insisting that things should be other than they are... remind yourself that life is ok the way it is, right now.. in the absence of your judgement you may find the perfection in the wisdom of life itself.

 2) 'Develop your compassion'

Nothing builds personal perspective more than developing compassion for others. It involves the willingness to take the focus off yourself and to put yourself in someone else's shoes, whilst simultaneously having love for that person. 

It is the realisation that other people's pain, frustration, heartache, is every bit as real as our own (sometimes worse). Recognising this fact and trying to offer some assistance, requires us to open up our hearts and this in turn increases our sense of gratitude.

*TIP* You can practice compassion.. it requires two things... 1) intention- remember to open your heart to others and 2) action- what you do about it (e.g. maybe donate money, give time, a genuine smile and hello etc.)

 3) 'Do something nice for someone else (and don't tell anyone about it)'

While most of us will likely do something nice for someone... some people also mention the kind acts they have done to others (perhaps secretly seeking their approval). 

When we share our own generosity with someone else, it makes us feel like we are thoughtful people. It reminds us how nice we are, and how deserving we are of kindness. 

ALL acts of kindness are wonderful... but there is something special about doing an act of kindness and never mentioning it to anyone, ever.

*TIP* We all feel good, when we do good for others but rather than deluding our positive feelings by telling it to others, by keeping it to ourselves, we get to retain ALL the positive feelings. Give for the sake of giving, not to receive anything in return (and that includes praise).

 4) 'Learn to live in the present moment'

Regardless of what's happened in the past, or where you may be tomorrow... the present moment, is where you are... always. 

Many of us (I know I have!) have mastered the art of worrying about a variety of things all at once! 

We allow past problems, and future concerns to dominate our present moments... so much so that we feel anxious, frustrated and even depressed. We also hold back our gratification, our stated priorities and our happiness... convincing ourselves that SOMEDAY will be better than today. 

The issue is, the same mental dynamics that tell us to look towards the future, will only repeat themselves, so 'someday' never actually arrives. 

'Life is what's happening while we're busy making other plans'.

*TIP* Life is not a dress rehearsal for a later date... no one has a guarantee that he/she will be here tomorrow. NOW is the only time we have any control over. When we focus on the present moment, we push fear (of concerns or events that might happen in the future) from our minds. Learn to bring your attention back to the present.

 5) 'Practice patience'

The more patient you are, the accepting you are of what IS, rather than insisting that life be exactly as you would like it to be.

Without patience, life becomes extremely frustrating.. You are easily annoyed, bored and/or irritated. Patience is the addition of ease and acceptance. Patience requires opening your heart to the present moment, even if you don't like it. 

E.g. Imagine you're in a traffic jam before an important meeting... patience here would be catching yourself forming a mental snowball of all the things that could go wrong because of this moment, and gently reminding yourself to relax and breathe. 

Patience also involves seeing the innocence in others. When you get a call from a friend whilst working on an important piece of work or your children climbing on top of you while you’re busy... remind yourself who these people are and why they matter. 

When we see the innocence in others, it immediately brings forth a feeling of patience. Any irritation felt is eliminated when you remind yourself how fortunate you are to have the love of these people around you. 

*TIP* Create patience practice periods.... You can start with just 5 mins and build this up over time. Start by saying to yourself "for the next 5 mins I won't allow myself to be bothered by anything.. i'll be patient" .... Your INTENTION to be patient (even for a short while) immediately strengths your capacity to be patient... Over time, you may even become a patient person (I'm still working on this!)

[next-lvl]

Majority of my followers know what Wakfu is, but not all know about the game: how many wounds it left in my heart, and everyone else’s. This post isn’t gonna be precisely explaining the wrongs that Wakfu did, I just wanted to mention that, in aftermath, it was a disaster of a game that left its most loyal players hurt, disappointed and immensely sad. I still keep meeting people who love this franchise, but can’t stand the game anymore since it’s.. Changed too much and didn’t stay enjoyable, to say mildly. I’m surrounded by, literally, traumatized veterans who look back at the good old days and shed tears. And I’ve been talking a lot about GW2 recently, not for no reason.

I want you to heal, just like I did. I mean.. I’m still hurt over Wakfu and I’ll stay this way forever, but I found a game where you can feel safe, loved, cared about. Devs in GW2 are humans who talk to us, who put smileys and memes in their posts, who hang out on reddit and ingame. This’s one of the major and striking differences between Wakfu and GW2. I’m still genuinely stunned by my own experience with customer support, I had a few troubles during my 1.5 years in GW2 and the response was not only fast and effective, it was HUMAN AND CUTE. I’m still not over it. Now that I’ve been invited to be a creative partner.. I’m still not over it too. They shower their regular players and content creators in gentle attention and kindness. I cry. During the 5+ years of being the most active and visible artist in Wakfu fandom, literally promoting it with thousands of drawings, I’ve never got a tiniest bit of official recognition. Not even a single placement on official media. When I took part in contests, I never won. Overall it’s been a one-way street. During my first 1.5 years in GW2, I’ve been noticed, picked up by the team, pampered and spoiled to the point of barely believing it’s true. That’s my personal experience, but it should indicate Anet’s general attitude towards the players. They. Do. Care.

I just wanna try and convince more ex-Wakfu players to give GW2 a shot. The two games are different in the visual and core gameplay aspects, yes, transitioning from an isometric 2D turn-based to a 3D, real-time game was somewhat harsh, but boy, how glad I am that I did it.

There’s EVEN MORE TEXT, brace yourselves. :D In GW2, I found everything that I wish was in Wakfu.

GW2 is a true sandbox. You log in, you do whatever the fuck you want. Level your first (second, 12th, 33rd, 68th) char? Grind mobs and dungeons? NO. Run around, look for events, explore, literally everything you do and everywhere you go, gives xp. You can level via crafting! Which, btw, is relevant throughout the entire game, unlike in Wakfu.

You do have dungeons of two kinds, and you CAN farm them if you want, but it’s your deliberate decision. There ARE farms in GW2, but they’re fun, if you’re not trying to get a legendary weapon in a month. I personally like running around with a bunch of random people who are there to FARM events in a specific map, but that happens once every two months.

Said legendary weapons ARE hard to get and yes, they can get you burnt out in no time if you don’t have a concept of a “long term goal”. Leggies are a prestige item, and, just like other prestige items (auras, specific minis, skins, etc), they’re meant to be your ultimate show-off item. People see you and know that you’ve been through.. A lot. BUT. Your hard-earned prestige item is to stay prestige. I assume you know relics in Wakfu? Then you must know what happened to them after a few years.

There’s no devaluing in GW2. Your trophies stay relevant and rare. Your prizes, your exclusive titles, skins, etc stay exclusive. You aren’t losing half of your wealth just because the devs decided to revamp ALL GEAR FOR THE THIRD TIME.

Speaking of the gear, the orange set you get at 80, is endgame gear. GW2 is 5 years old, so that orange gear is. People crafted it on the release and.. It stayed endgame. Yes, there’s also pink gear, which ~5% better than orange and is only needed if you do high lvl fractals or are min-maxing in raids. If you’re casual or just starting, you don’t even have to think about it. But once you craft your set, it stays relevant forever. People’s effort is never shoved up their asses.

There’s no constant carrot-on-a-stick gear upgrades. Level cap is 80 since release and will stay so. The game promotes safety and stability, that’s what attracted me. You take a 2 years break? No problem, you log in and go play. Nothing has lost its value, you don’t feel inferior, you don’t need to catch up to play with your friends.

Which reminded me: there’s a wonderfully done level downscale system. You’re a lvl 80 in a lvl 16 zone? Your stats are auto-adapted so the enemies you fought as a noob are still dangerous, and your reward (xp/gold/materials) is adapted to your true lvl. You go and play anywhere you want, and get fair rewards.

Crafting materials of all levels are also demanded and relevant. Oh yeah, you can run around for hours just gathering wood/ore, familiar to Wakfu players? It’s nice and relaxing until you meet another player. Well, in GW2 all gathering nodes are NOT shared. You see a tree? It’s your tree. That dude who runs up to it won’t steal it from you.

Oh also there’s no kill steal! Which is big, imo. You’re encouraged to play together, to help people kill stuff, to contribute to any event you see around, since everyone gets rewarded equally.

Legendary stability of GW2 servers. Lemme just say: there’s no weekly maintenance. There is. No. Downtime. Even on the big update days, you can download and play pretty safely. If there’s a hotfix, the game KINDLY WARNS YOU that you need to update and you have TWO FLIPPING HOURS to do so. Before you did that, you still can play, finish whatever you were up to.

Everything revolves around player’s happiness and convenience. There are constant quality-of-life updates. Your bags are full of crap? Here, salvage it into materials with two clicks, then deposit into your bank with two clicks (from anywhere in the world), then compact the rest of your shit. Yeah, with two clicks. x’D

There’s wonderful Fashion Wars. The game offers so much customization, and it’s taken so seriously, that it’s one of the endgame aspects. There’s 30000+ achievement points to earn, which are mostly fun and make you go out of your usual way. Dailies? You get 10 points and 2 gold for doing 3 easy tasks that take ~15 minutes.

There’s LORE. There’s fun little interactions all over the world. You just did an event? Stay here and listen, probably npcs will say/do something and start another event, logically following the previous one. The world lives and breathes. You can just walk around and observe. You’ll learn so much. And of course, there’s always a good cause to laugh. Dialogues/reactions are just hilarious sometimes.

Regarding the lore: there’s a so-called personal story which accompanies you up to lvl 80, then there’s “living world”, smaller events and single maps being rolled out every once in a while - so far there’s 2 seasons available, and 1 being “historical”, not playable anymore. In that season, they fucking crushed the main capital city. It changed forever. It was an epic event, which I missed, but watched people’s videos later. Then season 2, then HoT, then season 3, and now we’re waiting for PoF, second expansion. The updates have picked a nice pace and are frequent now.

There’s just so much to do. Just go, dive into the world and drown forever. :3c And meet me on the bottom. x’DD

GW2 feels different from Wakfu, but I found similarities for myself. It’s a sandbox after all, and later endgame has a lot of strategy. GW2 is never tank-and-spank. You just, literally, can’t facetank shit here. You gotta use your skills wisely, time your dodges, play with traits/passives until it all flows together. You’ve got a HUGE BUILD FREEDOM. There’s 9 classes, each having at least 3 defined roles, with more variations. You don’t just go ranger (oh archer it’s like a cra rite??) and do pew pew from max distance. Well, yes, you have a bow and can pew pew.. Or you can be a melee fighter, you can be a full blown healer/support.. As a ranger, yes.

I’ll be wrapping up now, I swear. GW2 is true f2p. Which of course does have a few restrictions (can’t trade or use map-chat), but you can get to 80, gear up and explore to your heart’s content before you decide to pay. I personally played for 5 months, every day, before I bought HoT.

Why’d you buy an expansion? More story, more maps, new class traits, gliding in HoT and mounts in PoF. The expansion and living world content has been constantly improving, visually, mechanically and lore/writing-wise.

Other than that, there’s a gemstore offering cosmetic and convenience items (gems can be bought for cash OR ingame gold). There are infamous rng boxes, but none of those are p2w. GW2 is oriented at the western consumer, which means, yeah, they know that we hate p2w and they’ll never do that to us.

*breathes out* I had to get that off my chest. I wanna talk about GW2 forever, but it’s exhausting to do one-on-one. :P Hopefully someone’s still reading this!

Now lemme remind you that now I have those partner links, if you use this to create a new account and play for free (for an hour or two months? w/e), or this to buy an expansion, I’ll get paid a bit. Not much, but it definitely helps!

And I was gonna write this wall of text regardlessly of the partnership one day, now I just have more incentive. x’DD Plus, we’re gonna have a beta weekend on 11-13 august, where you can preview the second expansion for free! It’s a perfect timing to write this post and try convincing you. You’ll just need a f2p account, and you’ll be given a lvl 80 boost and whatnot for that beta weekend. I’m not sure yet, but I assume you WILL. Just please register using my link above, so that I get paid for the two hours I spent on this post. :D

[sakaisgf]

A Tag Game

Tagged by @jaywalkingmylifeaway yes im FINALLY getting to this and thank you~!!!

LAST TEXT SENT: “Did you guys get a late start again?” to my dad hehe.

LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS: Black, gray, and blue. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: I have no clue because my phone was dead. WHAT WERE YOU DOING LAST NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT: playing games. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: The day I’m free of my high school.  WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOTHER: About... two hours ago?

ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOUR LIFE: I wanna eat better and be happier. WHAT’S GETTING ON YOUR NERVES RN: Nothing at the moment... FAVORITE TV SHOWS: I haven’t watched tv in a while soo. FIRST BEST FRIEND: Juliet. I lost contact with her. LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: I paused on ‘Interlude: Wings’ by BTS 3 FEARS: The dark, being alone, and death 4 TURN ON’S: a nice smile, pretty eyes, sense of humor, having a passion for something <-- same 4 TURN OFF’S: Arrogance, being judgemental, constant negativity, being an asshole/dick in general <-- truth. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: never thought about it. SENIOR YEAR QUOTE IN MY YEAR BOOK: Not a senior yet... but I;d probably  put “We’re free” or somethin FIRST THING I NOTICE IN A NEW PERSON: Their face and eyes (i feel so bad aghd) SHOE SIZE: ... I still fit in childrens’ EYE COLOR: Brown HAIR COLOR: Dark brown but it kinda looks black. FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING: Don’t really have one because I have a boring af wardrobe thanks to my school. WHAT COLOR UNDERWEAR I’M WEARING RN: black ULTIMATE BIAS: Uh. Don’t have one. ULTIMATE BIAS GROUP: VIXX (If savi sees this pls dont yell at me (she’d say its DMTN which isnt a lie haha)) FAVORITE SEASON: Fall or Spring <-- saaame HOW MUCH TIME I SPENT ON DESIGNING MY BLOG: Can’t remember it was SO long ago... I gotta change it. THE REASON I JOINED TUMBLR: I wanted to see what it was like to have one. <--- same but also just because. DO I EVER GET “GOOD MORNING” OR “GOODNIGHT “ TEXTS: Nop #foreveralone (if im talking to my friend we say ‘night’ does that count?) WHEN DID I LAST HOLD HANDS?: Erm. I think last Friday.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE ME TO GET READY IN THE MORNING?: On a good day it takes me 20 minutes. If we’re talking about getting to school and stuff its like 30-45 minutes.

HAVE I SHAVED MY LEGS IN THE PAST THREE DAYS?: I don’t have to soo... WHERE AM I RIGHT NOW?: my bedroom <--- 

DO I LIKE MUSIC LOUD OR AT A REASONABLE LEVEL?: Define loud. my friends say that I have my music loud and I normally hear it at that level soo. 3 THINGS I LOVE: My friends, music, and food (im kidding about the last one. I really mean animals.) HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW: tired <-- same SOMETHING I REALLY, REALLY WANT: Final Fantasy XV (no joke that game is hella prettyy)

3 THINGS THAT UPSET ME: Bossiness, ... I cant think of any others right now. WHAT I FIND ATTRACTIVE IN OTHER PEOPLE: Their smile, how well they treat their love ones, their fashion sense (also same…lol) <-- same. Also find it attractive when a guy smells super good (just me?) <-- no you arent alone,  3 HABITS I HAVE: cracking my knuckles, i dont know honestly.... SOMETHING I FANTASIZE ABOUT: being on stage with got7 playing a game.. (same). Meeting any of my bias and actually holding a conversation with them, hanging out with any of my bias…you know normal fangirl stuff lmao. <-- same. SOMETHING I’M TALENTED AT: Dancing THE BLOG I GIVE THE MOST NOTES TO: I have no clue... THE LAST PERSON THAT RE-BLOGGED SOMETHING FROM ME: I’ve been gone too long and the person who did doesn’t really use tumblr anymore sooo DO I SMOKE/DRINK?: no. MY FAVORITE FOOD: Mac n Cheese, Pasta, Cheeseburgers, Ramen, I just like food okay? MY FAVORITE DESSERT: Ice cream, mochi ice cream, shakes (does this count) (limited because I can’t really handle a lot of sweets at once), anything with ice cream. WHAT I DID YESTERDAY: Typed a 5 par. essay that was due wednesday, did nothing in class, I went to dance where we added on more stuff to our recital dance.... and I slept. Oh I also added more songs to my phone heheee NUMBER OF KIDS I WANT: No clue. NUMBER OF SIBLINGS I HAVE: I don’t know if I have any biological siblings. SOMETHING THAT’S CONSTANTLY ON MY MIND: How to survive school, scenarios, my friends. LAST PERSON I MESSAGED ON TUMBLR: A person I don’t wanna tag. CAN I DRIVE: yaas WHAT STATE OR PART OF THE WORLD DO I LIVE IN?: America <-- specifically a desert. AM I IN SCHOOL? yep, junior in high school/duel enrollment student in college. DO I GET GROSSED OUT EASILY? It depends. SOMEWHERE I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT FOR A WEEK: South Korea, Japan, other states in America, Europe in general. If I could I would travel to a lot of places. <-- same. I just wanna travel the world guys. I’LL LOVE YOU IF…: you’re there for me, you don’t push things onto me, you give me space when I need it. LAST SHOW I BINGE-WATCHED: Uh. KNK TV. I’m thinking about binge-watching Shopping King Louis over break tho....

WHAT WORDS UPSET ME THE MOST: I don’t really know................ WHAT WORDS MAKE ME FEEL THE BEST ABOUT MYSELF: “you’re pretty” “you’re a great friend” “thanks for being there for me” “I love you” <--- THIS. A WISH THAT I’VE WISHED FOR REPEATEDLY ON 11:11: This is a thing? Never knew. WHO I WOULD SWITCH LIVES WITH FOR A DAY: got7′s stylist noonas <— girl me too, I didn’t even think about this but yas lol <--- tbh thooo.

MY FAVORITE ICE CREAM: Mint and vanilla. ALLERGIES: None that I know of. SEXIEST PERSON TO COME TO MY MIND IMMEDIATELY: All of my biases. MY CHILDHOOD CAREER CHOICE: A dancer. ONE OF MY INSECURITIES: My body. HOW MANY BLOGS AM I FOLLOWING: 147

HOW MANY TABS/DIFFERENT WINDOWS DO I HAVE OPEN AT THIS VERY MOMENT: 11 ._. COKE OR PEPSI?: I don’t like either of em....... TEA OR COFFEE?: Tea. Coffee is poison. MOVIE OR BOOK?: Book. A SENSE I WOULD BE WILLING TO LOSE: Speech <-- same. QUOTE I LIVE BY: “Don’t give attention to what people say about you. They probably want a quality that you have.” TYPE OF ACCESSORY I WEAR THE MOST: Nothing right now.... I love bracelets tho! LAST AWKWARD SITUATION I FOUND MYSELF IN: Can’t remember WHAT TIME IS IT RIGHT NOW: 10:11PM A SONG THAT’S MADE ME CRY: The song translates to ‘How Much Love Do You Have In Your Wallet’ by Park Yoochun from JYJ  FIRST SONG I EVER SUNG AT KARAOKE: Never done karaoke.

I won’t be tagging anyone. As always feel free to do this!

[foryoureyesonlysweetheart]

Hello stranger...

It’s been a while since I wrote in here. At the moment I’m training myself to stay awake for these upcoming night shifts and I thought what better use of my time than to write a long post on here for you. 

I have a lot to apologise for. 

Even though we have skyped quite a lot today, i still feel guilty and ashamed of myself. For the past 1-2 months I really haven't been a good boyfriend to you. I’m expecting you to read this and just nod and nod and go “fucking hell finally he realises” and hopefully forgive me after. You have been having a very tough time recently and your mental health hasn't been great and teaching has been hard and you’ve been overworked and tired and what did you need? some support and someone to tell you everything will be okay and someone to listen to all your worries and concerns. I do not feel like I have been that person. I think I have been selfish recently and, since finding out I'm not here after easter, have put in more effort with my house than i have with you. i didn't always make time to FT you and i overreacted (or under reacted) to things, I dismissed things, I told you not to worry about things when they were blatantly worrying you, i wasn't there for you. Nothing will make that okay and trust me i am beside myself with anger and I'm so ashamed of myself and to think that I've hurt you by not supporting you really kills me inside. I have not been the person I usually am and i honestly cannot feel more apologetic than i do right now. 

A week ago (last wednesday?), we had a rather large argument about sex etc and it got pretty out of hand to the point where we didn't seem like we would properly make it through. I was so stupid to say some of the things i did. I must have just been too worked up about it because at the end of the day i really actually don't care. If you ask me whats more important; shagging all the time or having someone to talk to, hug, kiss, lounge around in bed with, go to the cinema with, go to a museum with, go travelling with, FaceTime for hours - you know which Id choose. We are going to prague very very soon and if i can ask one thing of you it is this - DO NOT WORRY about sex. Please. I know that is so much easier said than done but i couldn't care less. In prague what i want is a lovely relaxed time with you where you don't have to tread on eggshells or worry about what will happen later, i want to live purely in the moment with you. i hate myself that I've inadvertently subjected you to this sort of pressure and its not fair at all - its not right. I will say it now, i do not expect ANYTHING from you in prague. What i’m really craving now, and have been always, is affection. I want hugs from behind, cuddles at random moments, random kisses on the cheeks, makeouts, bum squeezes, long hugs. thats what i want. i want you to know that ever since that argument i have felt so incredibly guilty. we say we are all good over Skype but at the back of my mind I'm still feeling horrible for that argument and i think its the elephant in the room - this may not be the actual case but in my mind I'm convinced that its still causing problems and I'm worried for how you feel towards me. So please, please, please, do not worry one single bit. If you kiss me before you go to bed and kiss me when you wake up, that is good enough for me - believe me when i say that. 

Ive been reading your diary all evening and yeah I've shed quite a few tears. I have not appreciated you the way i should have over the past few months. Fuck me i am the luckiest man alive to have you as my girlfriend. you mean the world to me and i am so so in love with you i cannot imagine not being with you. i wish more than anything i could take back these recent times and just stop being such a dick. I was the biggest fool ever to let us grow slightly apart but please understand i will do everything i can to help us get back together properly. I don't feel like you’re 100% there at the moment, you’re not as affectionate over ft or over text even at the moment and in my mind I'm putting that down to you still getting over how I've treated you and maybe subconsciously giving me a taste of my own medicine - i may be completely wrong but I'm trying to rationalise it. I wouldn't blame you if you were. I just feel like i really need you to realise how important you are to me. You are my best friend, my confidant, my number one girl and the one person i want to share everything with. there are no excuses for how I've treated you (and i may be blowing it out of proportion idk) but i can tell you now it will never happen again. ever. 

You also commented how you think you’ve changed so much this year. You think youve become a lot more independent and matured a lot - that is absolutely fucking fantastic news to hear and i am so proud of you and i support that fully! I think thats such an important trait to have and such a great skill to learn (particularly before getting into the real world) and i was genuinely so happy to hear that. You may think that now you’re independent you don't need me anymore, and the truth is you don’t. I don't think any healthy relationship relies on “needing” the other, i think a healthy relationship is two people doing what they do and enjoying their life independently but wanting to share experiences or spend time with someone else too. I think in that sense our relationship can grow so much stronger because we can do our own thing and not get insecure or anything but we can still want to spend time together if you know what i mean, i hope you feel the same way! But i am so proud of you.

Also, about the head shaving business - go for it. I was drunk and i think i overreacted to it and in the cold light of day, i think its important you know that i will support you in whatever you do. Whatever happens you are still the same person i fell in love with and nothing will change that. Im sorry for making you feel bad about it and i want you to do what makes you happy, thats all i want! For you to be happy. So yeah, fucking go for it! I’ll still kiss it, you may have to get used to me rubbing it all over tho lol.  

I am and always will be 100% committed to us and i will support you through every high and low time that comes your way, i will be there to ft you when you've had a bad day and to sit through your tears and maybe cheer you up with a song if you're feeling it. i’ll be there to listen to your achievements and encourage you with all your bravery and independence. If you want me to be, i will be. 

I love you so much sweetheart, i really really do and its not long until we see eachother again, its not long until we see eachother after that and then its really not long until we go back to living 20 minutes away from each other. imagine those evenings where its like 6.30pm and I've just finished dinner and so have you and I'm just like “shall i come round?” and within 30 mins ill be at your house and we could watch an episode of OITNB and then i can go back home and it'll be that simple. Next year we will both need so much support and so much care - its going to be so stressful but together I'm sure we can fucking smash it. 

you are the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, i hope you realise that and i hope its not too late for me to make amends and remind you of how great we can be together. u da greatest <3

PS: if this is all getting repetitive (i know I've sort of mentioned it a bit over ft) then pls tell me to stop flogging a dead horse and to shut up. I just thought you may appreciate a proper, thought out, from the heart apology :3