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aardvaark · 4 months

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im so glad that we never get a clear picture of sophie’s background in leverage & i hope we never do. however i also really like making up various, often conflicting backstories for her in my head. perhaps they’re all backstories for an alias of hers, ones she laid to rest back in season two.

#leverageposting #leverage #sophie devereaux #particularly that one of or both her parents had to move around a lot for work & so she would change herself to fit in at every new school #or new town etc etc. and that whatever original identity she had was dropped due to some kind of really awful event and her bio family think #she’s dead. eg she got into some kind of extreme legal trouble for the first time & she faked her death & everyone she knew as a kid thinks #she’s dead too. like. astrid wasn’t the first person she left to miss/mourn her.#but also that she was a teen runaway at like age ~16 and pretended to be an adult (like. 18/19) cause theres not much you can do by yourself #as a minor like booking flights or renting an apartment. and so began her first proper alias. and she was a pickpocket until she could fund #her life fully through grifting & cons.#or alternatively her parents died when she was a teen & she was old enough to become an emancipated minor (everyone in lev is an orphan)#and she kind of just fell into crime from there bc she had no one #or perhaps she got married at 17 and realised how fucked it all was and stashed money until she could run away & leave it all behind. that’s #bc of a single vague sentence on john rogers’ blog saying she was married at 17 and in context it was quite possibly a joke or random #hypothetical example but i was like what if???? What If???????#i also like the hc that she’s trans which i’ve seen a few times #in some versions in my mind her parents were okay and in some versions they were awful and in some versions it was so complicated.#i think tara has heard one story and parker or hardison have heard another and nate has never heard any story. he’s never asked.#she is here now and that’s all that needs knowing. and sophie devereaux is her real name in any way it matters.#eliot has also never asked and she asked if he was curious once and he just asked if she was curious about What He Did and that was answer #enough for the both of them. just a mutual agreement not to ask and it actually solidified their bond.#i think she struggled for a long time about whether to tell her new family The Real Story but in much the same way we never hear her birth #name bc it’s not Her anymore… she never gives The Real Story. bc it no longer defines who she is. she’s so much more than whatever happened.#lvg

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luck-of-the-drawings · 6 months

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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

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forbiddentaako · 2 months

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more monochrome practice I suppose

#tumblr getting this version of this drawing bc i dont want to get in trouble for drawing them nakey #so its date night vibes instead of like eden vibes #i have such complicated feelings about this ship in part bc we havent really met lilith so dont know what shes about yet #but i know in my heart there was a time they loved each other so much and so this is that #honestly would love so much to get backstory on the eden crew and the happenings there even just like a flashback in an episode or somethin #but lowkey im on the 'hoping they get divorced but deeply care about one another and are a part of each others lives' train #bc thats kind of more interesting to me than them getting back together bc i think the crux of it is how much theyve changed and a part of #their relationship getting to the point where lilith disappeared maybe being them both trying to desperately to salvage it and in doing so #making it worse bc they felt like they ruined their lives to be together and so what was the point of it all if they weren't anymore?? but #like theyre immortal so of course theyre going to change and of course theres a chance that the relationship doesnt work even if they deepl #love one another and always will and i just like the closure of that and admitting they arent right for each other in that way anymore but #they still love and care about each other and will never lose that #this is rambling and doesnt make as much sense as when i was typing it on a different post i am wondering now if theres a limit on how many #tags i can put here bc im just yapping at this point whoops #anyway i need to buck up and actually finish/post that draft i have about my very long and complicated hazbin ship opinions #lucilith #hazbin hotel #lilith morningstar #lilith hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lilith #lucifer hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer morningstar #hazbin lilith

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penisbilt · 5 months

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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boxwinebaddie · 4 months

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nina do you ever plan on posting the remainder of pep?

this is nonsensical but this is how i feel ig

#i'll edit this later idk i just wanted to get this out #but idk pep like triggers the shit out of me if im real #i loved peppermint but i got very sick writing it #i was not treated kindly all the time it was v stressful #the formatting is hideous #i want to private it but i wont #im also an adult lady i dont want to write about my high school style anymore like i just really dont #like its not totally finished its mostly just dialogue and id have to fill in the gaps and think a lot idk #thinking about peppermint gives me hives #im sorry i know we loved that fanfic #and ill think about just spoiling it in one go at some point MAYBE but i just want to move on #like i seriously just want to be free of peppermint like thank you for getting me here but i have so much more i wanna do #theres so much au style i wanna flesh out ( which tbh my tfbw s+k are the most similar to pep style just Super and Villian )#new stuff i want to explore i just...i can talk about pep every once and a while but i dont really like doing it all the time #its just very overwhelming for me and i really have just moved past it so idk its ok if u dont want to stay for #my rm stuff or my other ncu stuff like if u are only here for peppermint i will not be hurt if u dont wanna stay #but im not really in the headspace to talk about it and dont really want to rip that wound open anymore im trying to heal #im glad that that fanfic brought me all of you #you were the best part of writing peppermint #thank you and i'm sorry #edit: oof u can tell where i started to have a panic attack #but feel free to ask me about tkak or the tfbw style #i can link you the references and the pinterest boards are fire i promise i am cooking a lot i feel a lot abt those

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starpros-sunshine · 1 year

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seb. seb hes not smiling. and has a fatui background................

I knowwwwww he's still everything to me you do not know how smitten I am with Lyney as a character

#he's soooo #i love it when the silly magicuan has a mysterious past and isn't actually allll that silly #I'm a little angry at the traveler for reacting the way they did at the end if the archon quest ngl #how is Lyney so different from Ajax please explain to me why you think him beingba fatuus is unacceptable but Ajax can get away with almost #commiting genocide #i mean ik it's kimd of about the withholding of information but come on.#they were nothing but nice to you the entire time cut them some slack and give them the benefit of the doubt will you #and god lyney in his voicelines is so. is flirty the right word he certainly is very very friendly good god man #Lyney and Lynette can do no wrong in my opinion I'd forgive them about anything #i don't mind the fatui that much tbh i mean yeah sure as an organisation they're. bad. to say the least #but if we look at the individual fatuus it's just kinda. okay.#Dottore sucks sure I like Tartaglia i really like him he's a very interesting personality Signora is dead she doesn't concern me anymore #and I don't know enough about the rest #Arlecchino looks very promising though I'm very intrigued by her #and so far Lyney and Lynette just seem like two people who got caught up in the organisation i don't have their vackgrounds unlocked yet #but!!!! i am intrigued Oh so very intrigued #Venti Kaeya and Diluc are my favourite genshin characters they have such a special place in my heart they mean so much to me #but Lyney is my favourite character in terms of I am normal about him Fontaine has SUCH a good cast #we have the girls of all time we have the silly magician and the socially anxious diver and then theres Manfred von Karma #if he was a genuinely nice man that had a solid moral compass and was actually devoted to the concept of justice #I like Neuvillette he also seems very interested i would Love to know more about his relationship with Furina #and Furina!!!!!! she's so silly I adore her being all confident and then if cuts to her inner monologue and she's just losing it #i love that #I really really like Fontaine so far the only grievance I have is that they should've put more accordion into the soundtrack but that's #irrelevant in the face of the osts just all being absolutely gorgeous #yumefan🌠🎼

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microwavetoaster-selfships · 8 months

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I normally don't make vent posts on this blog(even though no one really sees this blog anyways) but I'm going to completely spill in the tags ✌️JCJDJSJ

#i swear i used to be able to gush so much #and then a bunch of stuff happened and now i feel a weird feeling in my stomach every time i do it #it just feels like its a waste of time or no one really cares about what im saying #i talk with a selfshipping friend on discord and they gush all the time and i feel like i can never get a word in #i still gush a bunch but i just feel like im taking up space and time whenever i vocalize it #i feel like no one cares #like normally if youre friend is into something you care about that something as well a little or have some compassion for iy #cause its important to your friend so it has some value to you as well #i feel like there is zero value or care or compassion for what i say #but like...especially with gushing #i so wish i could describe the feeling or have words for it cause its such a unique feeling that i havent entirely felt before #i feel like theres never any room for me to talk. like theres only enough time for others to talk and nothing left over for me #or like im constantly interrupting every conversation even if its dead silent and we havent talked in an hour #or like i always bring it up at a bad time #i used to be able to gush so much and so freely but now i feel like i feel bad after every time i do it #even sometimes i feel bad gushing HERE. on MY blog that is for SELFSHIPPING and gushing and talking about my F/Os #sometimes i have trouvle even tryint to gush cause it feels like i dont even know what to say anymore cause i hardly ever get to do it #like everything is always about someone else and never about me

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aqqleshiqqing-archive · 2 years

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#sorry sorry this ones gonna be a vent so look away if you're not into that #alright we good? cool cool #cw: vent #a lot of my friends both internet and irl has made advancements in their own circle of friends like they're hanging out and bonding outside #-of school #i feel left out. but this is my fault and im very aware of it #its just... its hard for me to find people that i think id have a close connection with #it makes me think im gonna be really lonely at the end of the day #sometimes texting isnt enough. i want physical enjoyment and fun too #i just find myself stuggling to click off with others and maybe its because im unsure of who i can trust #idk my classmate always talks about hows their day and compared to mine; theirs always seems so much funner to do yeah dbfbbfbfbdbdbr #i dont know. a lot of my close friends. or even best friends if you will; arent physically close with me anymore because they either #actually no its not either. they just moved out #its hard to stay in contact with them too so i dont know what's life like for them anymore #that's why I really appreciate every connection ive made here because it feels very personal here. but i feel the more i keep being here—#without actual physical communication — ill just get worse #and i always think about my faves just to cope with it but i guess i just got slapped with reality check today and came to realize that now #theres this one day in school where a problem arised during an event and i was so anxious and scared — i started crying #my schoolmate who used to be my old classmate (we're in different sections as of present) immediately comforted me and #i really appreciated that. he gave me a hug and even lent me his handkerchief. something about that moment made me realise that this is #exactly wanted. just that feeling of warmth and comfort from a friend dhfhfbdbdb it sounds petty but i really like physical languages yeah #ive been trying to finf ways to say hi to him again but its hard since our school schedules are different #im not close with anyone in my class tbh so its hard for me to feel that physical closeness too #i firmly believe in action speaks louder than words. so yeah #thats all. yeah #ill go continue reading my notes

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spade-club · 2 years

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I need to find somewhere to go next time I'm off work that is easy to travel to but I can make good use of dressing up and maybe meet people or just have fun. My hair is at a really gender length right now and I want to just like. Idk do something!! I'm so bored, I've been home for three days straight bc I had no work but aaaa I wish I didnt waste it being too scared to do things alone!!! Idk how to do this whole living alone no friends thing :((( might have to befriend my coworkers.... hmmm

#I do work with two people I can see myself maybe spending time with recreationally but I'm not sure!!#idk how to just talk to them even though theres usually a lot of free time to talk I just dont know what to say #plus I think whoever work me is is just a tad bit too trauma/anxiety brained to not accidentally say something weird or concerning #bc thats happened already too much @.@#I just dont know what to dooo about it :((#neeeed friends though. need people to do things with.#but also need to save money like. A Lot so idk anymore hhhhh #tho I did meet someone on an app who offered me some of her homemade banana bread so I may be making friends with her which would be cool #she also met my sister/roommate on the same app so we might all just hang out which would be cool #but I just don't know like. anything about her yet really so idkidkidk

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hecksupremechips · 2 months

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Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel

#had to work a shift with only one other coworker and we were in this same position last weekend too and so like last time #he had this Moment where like as we locked up he was yelling very frustratedly about an annoying customer #which is fair but lol we dont know each other well enough for him to yell and rant like that to me like i get it but #god i hate yelling and just felt like shit and wanted to die #then tonight i was legitimately kinda scared cuz uh liiike. he had a lot more little Moments #i think like some kid dropped something and it broke and he had to clean it up and he got frustrated #and like. went in the back where the custom framing shit is and there was loud banging with a hammer and glass shattering #and he went back and did this multiple times and customers heard it too and were like uhhh 😰#i was already in a bad mood coming in and this really didnt help its honestly a miracle i didnt start having a meltdown #i guess ive just had to deal with so many man babies at home that all i can do is look at them like a disappointed parent and ask if they #would like me to take them to daycare #so yeah that was fun i uh dont like this guy hes always wearing very cutesy clothes and all i can think of is the bit where its like #‘there is nothing little about your things’#also i got money problems and keep getting fast food cuz i got eating problems and theres not much here i can eat and obviously #buying food so much wastes money so i was gonna try to make a sandwich today and like we dont have half the shit needed #and the bread was moldy obviously and theres so many bugs in the house cuz ive been too busy to clean and my sister was here #and the cat is here and my mom does everything wrong and then i spilled water everywhere and everything just went wrong #im also in a horrible place mentally doing so so bad so unbelievably stressed rn #just like. im repressing very bad and literally procrastinating having feelings like everything is going so wrong but i cant feel bad #because i dont have time for that so ill feel bad later when i escape which surely will happen someday ahahaha fuuuck #dont know whats real anymore maybe ive made everything up maybe the abuse is just me being dramatic maybe im the worst child in the world

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sleepyjim2 · 2 months

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yap sesh in the tags ! <3 nothing new im just frustrated abt my disordered sleep schedule as always . woke up at 5 pm and i will probably be failing my All Dayer and going to sleep shortly At 8 am and then sleeping for 1 billion years

#text #it feels like shit all the time bc it affects Everything Else #i dont get to interact with Real People very much . i dont get any sunlight . i feel weak and sick and gross all the time #i often barely eat at all the whole time im awake bc i just dont get hungry #n i cant rlly get up during the night anyways cause i risk gettin in trouble or waking up the dogs n getting them all riled up #more often than not i will eat. just toast or cereal cause i miss dinner and then thats it all the time im awake #oh also i can barely keep track of time anymore ! i noticed this months ago but like #i only know sundays bc i hear my mom wake uo n get ready for church right before i usually go to sleep n thats abt it now lol #it doesnt rlly matter anyways i guess cause theres not Day theres just Time Im Awake For #sometimes very small . sometimes a lot longer than one day #a friend also pointed out that my suicidal thoughts seem to get worse whenever my sleep gets really bad (like once or twice a month lmao)#n those r probably related bc of everything else being worse as well #i feel like im just watching it all happen n i dont have much control over my own body or mind #i always wake up in pain or with a migraine n sometimes i have seizures in my sleep #i just spend 75% of my time lately sitting or laying down in bed doing nothing cause i cant sleep n it sucks #my mom thinks its funny how hyped i get whenever im allowed to Go Anywhere but like thats the only time im Awake For Real . alive 😭#not like we go anywhere fun but like .walmart idk. when i can go is able to pull me out of the wretched hell that is Sitting In Bed Forever #n its been like this for well over a year lol #i ride da walmart high for about 12 or so hours after n then it just goes right back to schmiserable schmiserable sitting in bed forever #my entire world has shrunk to sitting in bed forever #posting now heart emoji . hwello if anyone read this all

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our-lady-of-mcr · 5 months

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#anyways im still mad today but its not lingering in my head like it was yesterday #thank fucking god for that lmfao #the more i think about it the more i realize that theres really no reason to be that upset bc yeah it sucks to lose #someone so close to me like that but......she was not afraid to give me red flags even when we were in a good place #and tbh this felt like a huge neon sign screaming get out while you can #and if the other girls we were friends with want nothing to do with me after this i honestly really do not care #i didnt see them often anyways and the one is basically still a teenager who drove me nuts 95% of the time #and the other 2 dont get into drama at all so i doubt they feel any type of way about me considering neither of them are that kind of person #im more annoyed that she did this right before we had plans for one of the girls birthdays and i have a feeling thats not happening anymore #i keep wanting to ask if were still doing anything but i would actually rather die than see b so..........no thank you #even if they do say anything ive already made other plans for tomorrow so......oh well #i feel so much less insane when everyone says i didnt do anything and its scaring me that i keep thinking back to the time era she accused #me of saying shit during and im like ???? i dont remember saying that. did i say that?? did i say you shouldnt have had your kid and i just #dont remember??? did i say we hang out to escape him and i just dont remember???? and all i can think of is false memories and a situation #where someone else said those things to me in that same time period. anyways i dont know why anyone would remember that specific of wording #if it wasnt to just be used as ammo later. but i genuinely dont remember saying any of that shit esp not that recently?????#and b is ungodly great at gaslighting and she also takes shit at face value and doesnt seek further info if shes not doing okay #so im just.....yeah im taking this as my sign #and to eliza from february.....bitch did i say any of that because i do not fucking remember it #self

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yelloworangesoda · 5 months

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i hate the food situation at my house so much for the love of god. theres only so many times a man can eat ramen with nothing or tuna with nothing

#theres no fucking. ingredients. theres nothing to add. i used to walk around my kitchen trying to look up stuff to make with what we had but #it required like. an onion. an egg. a spice. a vegetable. and we dont have that #and something about me. idk what it is idk if its me or my dads fault but i cant ask for it. i cant. i think part of it is bc i need the #ingredient for my one thing and then. it goes bad and its my fault and i feel bad #i hate my food situation so much. my dad makes this food in the microwave that he knows i dont like or eat. but if i make something else he #gets offended like thats not fair #and i feel bad for complaining bc i should just get a job and buy my own food but im not gonna do that bc im not gonna get a job.#i have trust fund money. like a decent amount from when i was hit buy a car #i should move out of state like right now. and live off that and when it runs out. ill just lay in the street i guess. i hate my life so #much guys its not funny. idk what to do. theres no fixing this theres nothing i want to do and nobody can help me bc theres no solution #everyone ignores it bc theres no solution to my problem. im never gonna be happy. its never gonna be worth it #nobody wants to tell me thats life suck it up or die bc they know id rather die by a mile. im so embarrassed of my stupid life im such a #failure. i want to kill myself bc i dont want to work like how pathetic is that. thats so stupid. i dont really say it to my parents bc they #would just laugh at me. or yell at me. i dont know what to do. i dont know what to do. i find myself hoping i get in a car accident and die #anytime i go out. i hope i dont wake up in the morning. i hope something bad happens and its not my fault so i dont get the blame i just get #the benifit of not having to do this anymore #god thats so. dark. its how i feel.#its getting to the point where i dont feel like i should say im not gonna kill myself at the end of these. im still not yet. but it feels #like a yet situation. like its gonna get to the point where i start trying again.#im still not there yet though. please dont… well idk what happens so suicidal adults. call the police on me. my methods arent any more #refined than they were when i was 14 trying to drink. nail polish.#simons spouting #vent :(#suicide //

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applyjuicee · 1 year

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hey Google what does it mean if the person you like barely speaks to you but asked you to be a reference for a job and wears the bracelet you made them? asking for a friend of course

#anyway #fml heres a long detailed explanation in the tags because the notes app is Not Cutting It anymore #basically im a stage manager in college and my school has us work on dept productions and we can work on student projects outside work etc #the guy i like does lighting and sound for the program #so we were working on a show together this semester and i dropped it because the director was being Extremely Unreasonable #and i could not communicate with her At All #but he did not drop the show because he was just doing sound design for a musical #so for the past month or so i have been Actively Avoiding the show he is working on because it was emotionally scarring and i cant be there #but that also means that i have a different perspective about the show than he does #so when we talk about the show theres a little bit of disconnect about How we are talking about it #and thats pretty all consuming in terms of we go to school for theatre and this is The Show that is being put on so everyone talks about it #but its way more upsetting for me than it is for him #in a managable way and i can def handle talking about it in most environments #but that show just closed and now we're in finals and we're taking a generals class together and i asked if he wanted to take #the practice final together and he said yes so we went to go do it and he 1 did not talk and 2 finished way faster than me and left #i know hes busy but hello?????#and now we're working on a student show together as equal members of the design team (me scenic him lighting)#and the job he asked me to be a reference for hired him and he won't even be at the performances of the show #because of that job and he'll be gone most of the summer and wont have much cell service #and neither of us are really texters anyway #and also we're working on another dept production in the fall but im his stage manager which is a little bit of a power dynamic #also im a senior and hes a sophomore so that adds a little to the concept of me having more power in the context of at least our #professional relationship if not our personal relationship #but if we're working on shows together and taking classes together and i have to see him every goddamn day ill lose my mind #but if i say something and he says he feels the same and then he fucks off for the summer i will also lose my mind #so i have decided not to say anything until he comes back and or hope that it fades and there wont be anything to say #but he messaged our discord tonight to see if anyone wanted to play games at fuckin 10:30 at night #and a few people said yeah so we went to a park and he barely acknowledge me all night #he didnt make any jokes about how i cant catch a football and i cant hit a volleyball and i cant breathe well enough to run #all of which he can do and he played football in high school and i was on the fucking yearbook committee

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sweetlady555 · 1 month

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QUICK SYNASTRY OBSERVATIONS^_^

Venus 1H Synastry is nooo joke aside from the strong very obvious chemistry and attraction, if you or them identify as straight yall could literally turn gay for each other 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤣

Moon 1H Synastry is NAWTTT for the avoidants 😔!!! House person could really depend on moon person for validation and theres so much hidden things in this relationship like secrets and resentment </3 this could depend on the entire chart though!!! the good cute side though is that you both could lowkey have feelings for each but never telling each other because you both just know…

Mars 1H Synastry is lowkey so attractive like aside from the strong physical attraction, mars will literally do anything to please or meet house persons needs or desires 😭 i told this guy who had his mars in my 1h that i really liked his paintings and if he could make one for me and that boy had his gloves and canvas out the next hour😭🤣

Mars 8H Synastry not gonna lie i know some of yall be loving mars in the 8h synastry but this synastry placement irked me ouwwttttt overtime😭 as house person in this situation mars person was FEINING for me he was a real freakazoid like the freakiest of them all he was basically FERAL and i was chill with it for a few months but it seemed like thats all he wanted to do and its like can we just talk tonight❤️? Mars will not understand this because theyll percieve almost anything house person does as provocative and sexually enticing but this could go for both of you guys so idk🥴

Pluto 7H Synastry is cute at first because pluto will be so infatuated and interested in house person, youll notice pluto person will be the first to look at your stories without even following you sometimes and its like aw they must rly like me imma let them be :) but behind the scenes theyre checking your social media almost 24/7 looking at all your interactions online and probably will lowkey start stalking all of ur friends too 😭 the pluto person will do this without house person knowing (if theyre sneaky enough) feeling the need to anticipate the house persons actions or feelings … “i just wanna talk and conversate cause I usually just stalk and yk masturbate and I finally got the courage to ask you on a date so if you say yes, let the future fall into place, cunt” (she by tyler the creator resembling pluto 7h synastry👀👁️)

North Node 2H Synastry is lowkey cute in a way bc this is a “i gotta get rich” after looking at house person once😭! north node will literally see house person as this rare beautiful diamond that they wont wanna lose and they will let house person know about this too! but this is just the good side of this placement bc this could also lead to self worth issues feeling like u guys arent worth each other leading to insecurities showing out in this relationship🤬

Uranus 10H Synastry is lowkey a shocker to house person from my experience when it came to a certain career path, in my case fashion, uranus really changed my perception on it 😭 showing me the true reality of the fashion world and its like uhhh idk if i wanna do this anymore☺️! but at the same time uranus person could really be inspiring to house person because of how unconventional and unique they are! i also noticed uranus person could really influence house person to be unconventional and unique aswell! house person could go thru a lot of sudden changes with uranus person when it comes to their career and how they end up being percieved in person or online if this relationship ends up being public.

Sun 2H Synastry is nice to have with someone because sun person will motivate house person to improve in any area of their life they will be on you too (for good obviously)😖😩 Sun person will wanna see house person thrive financially and just in general giving house person opportunities for this. There is potential jealousy on both sides mostly house person because of achievements, wealth and values literally can be anything 😣

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funlovinzara · 2 months

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Monster trio rejecting you Pt.3

‘Makeup’

Warnings: Fluff, arguing in Zoros part

———

Luffy

You and Luffy both talked and had a deeper understanding of eachother, you were in love but Luffy never experienced that nor did he know that was what he was feeling.

He truly did love you in the end, he never even knew he broke your heart in the first place.

“Y/nnnn come on come on come onnn. We have to go!!! You aren’t still talking to Ace are you?”

“No no im not, im coming give me a minute!”

You were still changing to head off on the ship, Luffy being as impatient as he was couldn’t wait. He busted into your room and snatched you out while you were still fixing your hair

“Lets go!! We…I cant go anywhere without you!!”

You both got off the ship and you see Luffy run off into the forest and quickly return with a weird looking flower in his hand.

“For you!!”

He places it in your hair and giggles, “you aren’t ever leaving me!!”

——

Sanji

Sanji decided to take the time to speak to you and apologize, Hes just now realizing that what he said didn’t respect a lady at all, he didnt know how to win your heart back.

Especially with brook being your new best friend, it rages him to see how more comfortable you are with brook than him.

“Y/n.”

“Huh? Yeah?” You turn around to see sanji standing a few feet behind you.

“I need to talk to you…im sorry about what i said. I think i do really like you. I cant see you talking to other men even a skeleton for goodness sake.”

“What.😨”

There was silence as you both stared at eachother

“What?”

“What.”

“Huh?”

“What-.”

All this time you’ve spent trying to get over him all shattered into pieces. Not that he isnt attractive to you anymore its just what he said was a red flag, but since hes apologizing its better than nothing.

You think its better to build up a better friendship before you get with him.

“We can try. But it wont be so easy for you.”

“Really y/n..? You’re sure right? What i said, i didn’t expect you to…”

You gave him a hug, it relieved so much tension. Now you both were on good terms and no one can get through the bond you two were going to build. As for brook, obviously your still going to talk to him! Hes your bestie!!

However he was a around the corner watching the whole situation, he gave Sanji a lecture beforehand. He didn’t think he would actually take action though. He is proud, and hoping things go well.

—-

Zoro

Hes furious at the sight, not that he cares but he does??

The man turns his head slightly and he sees that its..Trafalgar D. Law????

Hes even more ticked. He didnt think Law was a dangerous person but he didn’t want YOU to be around him.

“Y/n???”

He said loud enough for you and Law to hear, you both turn your heads.

“Ah Roronoa Zoro.”

“C’mon, were leaving.”

“What? No why?”

“Theres no point of us being here, we have to go back to the crew.”

“I…huh? I don’t understand.”

“What do you understand?” He says snapping back.

“You live up to your reputation, Zoro.”

“Shut it mushroom hat, lets go.” He forcefully grabs your hand and you try to wiggle free. “Zoro let me go!! What the heck are you doing-!”

You haven’t even gotten to exchange contacts with Law, luckily while you weren’t looking he snuck it in your pocket.

You both exit the auction house and you violently snatch your arm away from Zoros grip. “ZORO!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

All you get is silence from him.

“I cant be happy just for once, you rejected me and yet you’re pulling me away from my only chance of ever getting someone who will like me here!! What the heck is your problem??!”

“Y/n i cant let you do that because i love you. I look like a jerk i KNOW already. But i need you.”

This situation got even more weird. You haven’t completely gotten over him to be honest, but this was so unexpected.

“We can talk about this later. We have a crew remember.”

He walks up to you and looks into your eyes for a second before landing a peck on your forehead.

“I cant let anyone have you. Now, are you gonna take that number out your pocket or what?”

——-

IF YALL ASK FOR A PART 4 IM GONNA CRY.😭 this is the last part periodd

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