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a-simple-imagine · 1 year

Text

In the Company of Ghosts

Synopsis: Katherine Howard takes a particular interest in the latest crew member of the divorced, beheaded, live tour.

Pairing: Katherine Howard (Six the Musical) x gn!reader (or OC)

Words: 18.1k+

A/N - its finally here. the story I've talked about for months!!! Obvious this is just my interpretation of the queens based on all the UK tour shows i saw and backstage. a few moments mentioned in here actually happened, guess which ones? I was vague with descriptions and katherine isn’t as bubbly as you might be expecting so keep that in mind.

TW - swearing, vague mentions of abuse and past relationships, nightmares, panic attacks and a surprise kiss.

Katherine Howard didn’t like going on tour. she could understand the value in going but it just took a lot out of her both, mentally and physically. there was once a time when traveling and meeting new people was just oh so exciting but now she found particular comfort in the familiar. this was not her first tour nor would it be her last. they had been putting on this show for some time now and had built up quite a loyal following. some would say too loyal but that's the price of popularity. the other queens would stress the importance of telling their stories but surely most people, or at least the ones who care, would have seen the show by now. it's not like they tell the full truth anyway. just a prepackaged version they could fit into five-minute songs. suppose that was better than nothing. when she first found herself in this strange new world, Katherine spent a lot of time researching her past. it was hard. there was not a lot compared to some of the other queens. and from what she could understand many painted her poorly. so many years passed and still so few believed her. That had been how Parr had convinced her to put on the show; it was a chance to tell her story the way she wanted. Katherine liked singing and dancing, she used to spend a lot of time practicing before she went to court. and then there were parties and such. often with these tours, they would work to keep the crew the same assuming it was possible. it was simply easier that way. the occasional fresh face amongst the sea of familiarity. she's gonna have to learn some new names. if not just to be polite. she doesn't mind. it's the least she can do.

it's the first stop of the tour. a relatively small theatre that only seated around seven hundred people. they had performed in bigger and smaller. Katherine much preferred a smaller space, it made the performance feel more intimate. the start of a tour is always a little awkward, it takes a minute to get used to being away from home, spending practically every day with the same handful of people, and having to perform seven shows a week. as much as Katherine would prefer to spend her time in the dressing room if she wanted to eat the only place with a fridge and microwave was the green room. on entering she finds Catherine of Aragon - Catalina - sitting on the sofa, a mug of tea or coffee in hand. at the table sits the newest member of the 'divorced, beheaded, live tour'. they are but a humble members of the technical team. neither is talking. they are both far too invested in their phones. there is a brief second where she catches the newbie's gaze, they offer a small smile but she simply pretends she did not notice; opting to seem distracted by the announcement coming through the speakers. She had nothing against them, she hardly even knew them after all, she just was not in the mood for small talk. she just wanted to eat before the show.

this stop was one of the longer legs of the tour beaten only by the holiday leg coming up in December; over a month in one place. most stops ranged from a few days to a week but they would be staying here for just under three weeks. they were still getting used to being around each other so much. Katherine spent a fair amount of time with the other queens so, for the most part, she was used to them. She knew their personalities and quirks far too well. she even knew the crew to some extent. but the newbie was a mystery. they have hardly interacted. they mostly keep to themselves as they work. then again, they had not even been together a week. their first interaction had happened randomly in the hallway. She hadn't been paying attention to where she was going and crashed into them. they kept repeating how sorry they are. it was fine. Katherine really did not care too much. it was only some water. why were they acting like it was the end of the world? they couldn't even look at her.

"It's fine, don't worry" Katherine assured them as nicely as possible. bending down, she picked up the water bottle that had crashed to the floor. "really," she held the bottle out for the other. "unlike Anne, I won't melt from just a little bit of water."

that was a joke; a bad attempt at breaking the tension. Anne was sure to get her back for it later should she hear about it. the other didn't so much as chuckle but they did take back the bottle. "thank you," mumbled out. "I'm really sorry, again." they scurry away before anything else could be said. Katherine wonders if the nerves are just part of them or, like some of their fans, it was because they were the stars of the show. they would have to get over that quickly if they wanted to stick around for the entire tour.

the end of the week approaches quickly and yet somehow still not quickly enough. it's a two-show day; they had just finished their early evening show. the crowd was surprisingly engaged. they were not always the best of crowds. never the same vigor as an evening audience. and Katherine is tired. She does not quite understand why she is so drained. this kind of schedule is far from new to her. it is the nature of this industry. and yet she sits at the counter in the green room, nursing her meal and drinking enough water to rehydrate a desert. surely, she would come to regret it but for now, it was hitting the spot. there are few people in here, others will arrive soon but for now, it was just her, the newbie, and two members of the theatre staff. in walks, Anne, wrapped up in a fluffy brown dressing gown and carrying Tupperware and a water bottle. she tosses the bottle on the couch and continues through the room.

"urgh," she groans loudly, drawing all attention. "i don't think i can keep doing this. it's killing me."

"you're fine," Katherine comments but Anne just shrugs.

"I'm never fine, I'm literally dying," a dismissive wave of her hand. She offered polite smiles to the theatre staff as she passed the table before placing a single hand on the shoulder of the newbie. they look up at her. "what are you doing after the show?"

they shrug a little. "uh... going home."

"few of us are going the social club," Anne asks; she was trying to organise drinks to celebrate the end of their first week of shows. Katherine wasn't too sure she wanted to attend. the other queens became even more of a handful when intoxicated especially Anne which is saying a lot. "you should come," the other queen continues, her hand drifting over their shoulder as she makes her way to the microwave. "I'm not gonna put it in the chat 'cause people I don't like will come," one of the theatre staff laughs. Anne must assume it's about her because she is quick to defend. "I know that sounds mean but it's true."

"i don't know,"

"I think it'll be good for you. you're always so nervous" Great job Anne. that'll make them feel better.

"Maybe," they sigh softly, awkwardly glancing at their phone and then back at Anne. it was nice that she was inviting them, if not a little surprising.

"Well, the offer is out there. come. don't come." the microwave beeps as she types in each number then springs to life. "it's up to you."

in the spirit of a successful week together, Katherine deemed it appropriate to join the other queens tonight. the social club is not a particularly fancy place; the smell of alcohol was strong when you step through the door. a small stage sat against the far wall, where a local band was just finishing setting up. Anne lead them through the slim crowd towards the bar. Catalina and Jane weren't in attendance and neither was most of the crew. she wonders if they were busy or Anne just hadn't invited them; safe bet that she was a little too picky about the company she kept. the bar is manned by a single young woman whose reading a book; Katherine couldn't quite see the cover. As she notices them she perks up, places her book down, and heads over. She presents a pleasant smile.

"quiet night?" Anne hums softly.

"you could say that," the bartender nods, a soft little chuckle. "got to find some way to kill the time, y'know," she shrugs. "what can I get you?"

they order a round of drinks before heading to a booth hidden away in the corner; pulling a small table onto the end. Katherine found herself nestled on the end beside her cousin. it wasn't that she regretted coming but the weight of the week was really starting to hit her. She is quiet for the most part, listening to those around her. and then she hears a familiar voice as someone approaches the table.

"sorry, I'm late." a phrase she heard often. it was the newbie looking a little flustered. Katherine hadn't expected them to actually show up.

"i didn't think you'd actually come" Anne comments quickly. a split second of silence before continuing. "not in like a bad way."

Katherine could practically see the wheels turning in their head. they regret coming now. don't feel welcome. she'd feel the same way. when they glance at her, she offers a small genuine smile; it seems to invite them to pull up a chair next to her and everyone goes back to their own conversations.

Katherine used to consider herself to be quite a social butterfly. any excuse to have fun and make new friends. she dreamed of the lavish parties and celebrations that came along with court life but reality had been a little different. now, she almost struggled with socialising when it came to new people. perhaps it was a subconscious coping mechanism; a beheading was enough to deter anyone from making new connections. somehow, she was still that young girl with a desire to be seen and heard while also being a completely different person. her eyes focus on the drink Anne had insisted Anna buy the newbie as they attempt to make conversation. occasionally she would nod a little to show she was listening. they speak with such a strange degree of care that it almost felt unnatural. She assumed they were just nervous.

it seems a week was more than enough time for a degree of familiarity to develop amongst the group. it makes sense considering a lot of them had worked together before; they just had to get back into the same old routine. of course, not everyone was comfortable being part of the team yet. Katherine almost felt bad that it was so obvious. almost.

"I'm just running to get some coffee... if anybody wants one?" it's announced to the whole green room but most people don't respond. Katherine catches their gaze for just a second and as they turn to leave she perks up.

"Can I join you?" Katherine asks, sitting up on the couch where she'd been chatting with Jane. they give a little shrug.

a dark grey sky accompanies the mass of people visiting the city center. it's painfully silent as she walks just a step behind them. katherine can't help but feel a tad unwelcome on this venture for coffee; she just wasn't a fan of the filter stuff the theatre provided. far too bitter for her sophisticated palette. her mind wanders to the streams of people around her. l

"-for tonight?" their voice pulls her from her thoughts, having only caught the end of the question.

"huh?"

"the show, today? Are you excited?"

now it's Katherine's turn to shrug. it had been a long while since she was genuinely excited to be on stage. She loved performing, truly, but nowadays it was more about comfort. if she wasn't on stage what would she be doing? She didn't have any qualifications or practical skills so many jobs were simply off the table. Maybe she could be in another show but that would be a lot of work. it took her long enough to get used to this show. plus, the others knew about her past which was so much easier than explaining to strangers why she wasn't always the best in crowds or how she didn't like to be touched. "I don't know if excited is the word I'd use."

"yeah... I figured," they glance briefly at her, nodding as if they actually understood the reasoning. "it's still pretty cool for me."

katherine smiled gently. this whole thing was still pretty new to them. obviously, she couldn't speak to their previous experience but she liked the think the show was exciting in the beginning. It's short and sweet with catchy songs that people of all ages seem to enjoy. even now, there was the occasional crowd that just possesses so much excitement, it was infectious. but they were far and few between so for the most part this was just her day-to-day and as far as the techie goes, their enthusiasm would die slowly. thankfully, the coffee shop was not too far from the theatre. a jingle rings out as the door scrapes open and they're greeted by a warm caffeinated embrace. an old gentleman stands in front of the till conversing with one of the two baristas on shift. Katherine's eyes immediately search out the menu decorating the back wall. What did she want? something sweet was always the way to go but there were just so many options.

"do you want anything?"

For a split second, there is a jolt of panic, Katherine shakes her head quickly. "I can get my own."

"no, it's fine. I don't mind," Stepping towards the counter, they exchange pleasantries with the barista before ordering two different drinks. "what do you want?"

"you really don't have to," she tries again, they hardly know each other, and she didn't want them to think she expected free things.

"just pick something, the poor girl is waiting,"

"uh... a mocha then." Katherine states looking towards the other for some kind of reassurance that it was okay. "with salted caramel, if possible."

"with caramel too? remember who has the bigger paycheck here," the awkward little chuckle that follows their words makes her think it's a joke. at least she hoped so. maybe they were a tad more comfortable than originally thought. tapping their card on the machine, they move along.

"Thank you,"

They smile a little. "it's alright."

once again silence falls between them as they wait. Small talk really wasn't her strong suit and clearly, it wasn't theirs either. "So, uhm, whose the other drink for?"

"What?"

"the other drink? you ordered two, one is for you I assume so?."

"oh, it's for Parr." they respond. "she's the main reason I'm here."

Interesting. She had been expecting the name of another technician or manager; they all seemed to be a little friendlier. Katherine wouldn't dream of just asking one of them to go out of their way to get her coffee and she really hasn't expected it from Catherine. "you don't have to get her stuff, you're not an assistant,"

"It's alright," they shrug. "gave me an excuse to get out of the theatre, and now I can have coffee that doesn't taste like motor oil."

"you're too nice,"

"is that a bad thing?" Was it a bad thing? Katherine couldn't quite decide. there wasn't enough genuine kindness in the world but it was easily manipulated. give a little take a lot. stop for a quick picture and suddenly they're telling you their entire life story and asking for an autograph as well. "uh... Katherine?"

"hmm?" She looked at them but their focus seemed to be right past her.

"you might wanna look behind you." A slow turn of the head reveals two girls whispering in the corner. her brow furrowed in confusion about why she should care but then she noticed it. the t-shirt with 6 tiny coloured crowns. Guess they were fans. they turn away sharply when they notice her looking.

"they've been staring since they came in."

Katherine sighs softly. She didn't hate the fans but there was a time and a place that wasn't a random coffee shop during her break. still, she offers a smile which brings them over to investigate. they're cautious at first but their faces light up when they finally realise who she is. it's a slow few minutes as they gush over the show and queens, only interrupted by a coffee cup being shoved in her face.

"We should probably get going, sorry ladies" they insist. Katherine takes the coffee in hand. "show to do and all."

a smile that contrasted drastically with the disappointment of the two girls adorning Katherine's face. "I've really got to go, sorry," she isn't really sorry. "enjoy the show." and with that she scampers away after the others whose already on their way out the door. "thanks for that."

"no worries. I'm sure they could have gone on forever."

"you don't know the half of it," they chuckle slightly. once again they fall into silence, Katherine just a step behind as they make their way back towards the theatre with an ever-growing curiosity about the newest edition of the divorced, beheaded, live tour. such a small team of people means every absence is obvious so it was no surprise that they were greeted almost immediately as they entered through stage door. this was a prime example of when being nice backfires. another coffee was being shoved in her hand before she can even register what was going on. the techie being led away to do some last-minute checks before the show.

"thanks for coming along." called back to her. Katherine offers a smile as she follows along behind until their paths diverge. guess she was supposed to deliver Parr her coffee now? it's mere seconds before she hears her name being called. "I, uh... wanted to ask if you wanted to do lunch tomorrow? double show day after all." Katherine stares back like a deer caught in headlights. completely dumbfounded by such a simple invitation. "don't feel like you have to though- text me, yeah?" and with that they disappear once more, sure to be scolded for their tardiness.

Turning into the green room, Anne sits at the counter enjoying a bowl of something. "where's my invite to lunch?" Katherine ignores her, breezing past to spy Anna and Catalina sitting on the couches.

"Maybe we should all go?" Anna adds playfully. She chooses to ignore them all completely and just go find Cathrine. the dressing rooms sit down a long corridor of the green room. each door is adorned with makeshift name tags. A few knocks on the door to Parr's bring her into view.

"Coffee,"

"Why do you have it?"

"they had to go do something so I said I'd deliver it," Katherine replies.

"oh," there's a weird pause. "thanks."

the girl smiles, bidding her fellow queen goodbye as she heads for her own dressing room. the invite to lunch had been so random, she wasn't sure what to make of it. if it was going to be as awkward as the walk to and from the coffee shop, it didn't seem like something she wanted to do. she would rather eat alone than feign interest in small talk.

even to her own surprise, Katherine decides to accept the invitation for lunch. it would keep things civil amongst the group. she had to ask one of the other queens for their number. Anne was the one to remind her that they were all in a workgroup chat together but was nice enough to share since she had it saved. apparently, they had really bonded the first couple of days here. she wondered when they had the time for team building but didn't question it.

a cute little cafe filled to the brim with hungry customers is the destination for their early lunch. the fact that it was full was a good sign. "have you been here before?" she asks

"me? no, one of the ushers recommended it."

"cool," was all she could think to say. this was already feeling awkward and they still had a whole meal to get through. She had been expecting at least one of the others to be here; queens or crew alike. probably Anne but it was just the two of them. Katherine puts her nervous energy into grabbing a menu.

"can I ask you a question?"

She doesn't look up from the menu. "sure."

"did you always wanna be a performer?" seemed like a pointless question considering she had been doing this show for a good couple of years now. even the musical has a line about how much she likes singing. then again, they were missing the vital information about what she had been doing pre-smash hit west end show. she was just a dedicated performer with the same name as an old English queen.

a shrug. she used to just dream of going to court and serving the queen. being a good wife in the future. it's what was expected of her. Of course, plans changed and now she was here in search of new hopes and dreams. singing and dancing was just a skill from the past that came in use. "It's what I'm good at."

"yeah, but is it what you wanted?" was it what she wanted? it was hard to say when she never expected to ever be in this situation. having to make a living for herself. working with the other queens. it was a unique situation.

"did you always wanna be a techie?"

"god no." their response was so quick, Katherine lowered her menu to look at them.

"not what I was expecting."

Yeah... I'm not even sure I want to do it now."

her brow crinkled a little. dedicating your time to going on a year-long tour as a technician seemed like a pretty big commitment for someone who didn't want to be a technician. "you don't like working with us?"

"It's not that. I was late to the game in wanting to do this kinda thing so it's just a little disheartening how far behind I feel," they explain. "I'm also like stumbling through it so I feel more like a burden than anything else."

Katherine could relate. considering when she was born she was definitely a little older than most performers with the exception of the other queens. She also felt like she was completely stumbling through life; it had been a few years but there were still things she'd never seen or experienced before. "I'm sure you're better than you think."

"I can coil a cable and that's the most important thing, I suppose."

Katherine was about to respond when a waiter approached the table. she realised she'd been hogging the menu the entire time and yet hardly even looked at it; she ends up just ordering a salad out of sheer panic. everywhere had salads. she wasn't that hungry anyway. ?? Between the cast, crew and members of the theatre staff, it was a little cramped in the green room for lunch. the queens and crew mostly took up the couch while the staff all sat around the table. a clear divide down the centre of the room. Katherine was sitting at the counter awaiting the ding of the microwave as she picked up bits and pieces of the many conversations happening around her. Are you working tomorrow? Does anyone have a pen? I'd argue that's weirder. then there was the newbie who was positioned between Catalina and Jane, nodding along as they stared at a phone screen.

"fuckin' hell," abruptly leaves their lips. they clearly hadn't meant to say it out loud as they look around to evaluate the situation.

"what's up?" Jane wonders.

"just people being unreliable," they huff, showing their screen to Jane.

"oh, sweetie,"

"What happened?" Catalina is the next to ask.

"my Airbnb just cancelled," they declare. "so guess I'm gonna be homeless for the next two weeks."

"you've got a couple days, maybe you can find somewhere last minute?"

"Why don't you stay with us" Anne suggests brightly, turning to look sharply at her. Katherine frowns a little.

"Are you sure? I don't wanna impose."

"no, it's totally fine. we have a spare room, right Katherine?" Katherine felt her jaw tense. she couldn't exactly say no or she would look like the bad guy here but she also wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea. most eyes in the room fall on her as they all become invested in the tales of the homeless techie. by some miracle, the microwave finally dings and she's quick to turn and collect her food.

"Are you staying far from the venue?"

"homeless but still picky," a playful comment from Anna.

"it's not far," Anne continues on. "like a fifteen-minute walk."

"if Katherine's okay with it..."

she had hoped if she just didn't engage they would stop including her but all pressure once again fell on her. picking up the Tupperware, Katherine slowly turned back around and presented them with a closed-lipped smile. expectant eyes all stared back. "uh..." she really wanted to say no. it wasn't her fault the Airbnb cancelled so why was she suddenly the one forced to accommodate? She wanted to be comfortable in her own space and that was harder with a complete stranger staying in the other room; well not complete stranger but still. "sure. it's fine with me."

"i feel bad."

"why? it's totally fine."

"Are you really sure?"

with a heavy sigh, Katherine grabs a fork and makes her way back over to the counter. no, she wasn't sure. but that didn't matter anymore, she had already agreed. it was the right thing to do.

"yes." Anne declares happily, "your staying with us."

"thank you."

"Maybe I'll even get a brunch invite now,"

they audibly groan. "you're never gonna let that go, are you?"

anne's shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. "I think it's cute that you went on a date with our little Katherine."

katherine kept her head low, focusing on the meal before her but a sinking feeling crept into her stomach. it wasn't a date... was it?

"not a date." they urge.

"it definitely was."

"Anne," Jane's voice is firm but calm and Katherine glances up to see the other girl put her hands up in surrender.

"I'm not doing anything."

"It's fine," they insist. "I'm starting to get used to it."

it wasn't a show day but Katherine still found herself wandering around the theatre. their first show was a couple of days away and there really wasn't much to do around here, not alone anyway, and she liked the get the lay of the land at every new stop. being back at her digs was proving less than favourable when Anne and the newbie seemed to be getting along like a house on fire. this theatre had a cafe that was open to the public although today it seemed to be particularly empty. she got herself a coffee before deciding to head for the auditorium. Katherine stared up at the stage, it always felt a little weird seeing it so dark and dull... and then a light pops on. and then another. her eyes scan the room and to her surprise, she comes across a familiar face. they wave a little when they seemingly spot her.

"hey," just when she thought she's escaped them, they end up here too. Katherine walked the length of the auditorium to the lighting desk; waving a little as she goes. "what are you doing here?"

"what are you doing here?"

"playing with the desk," they answer honestly. "I got permission as long as I don't mess with the pre-sets. you?"

"i just needed to get out of there,"

"fair," they nod a little. "bummer that you ran into me then." Katherine let the question hang in the air, turning her attention to the lighting desk. it was all a mystery, an assortment of buttons she never got to press. "do you want a go?" Katherine hesitated before nodding. "okay great." they shuffle aside, urging Katherine to take the centre spot. she let her fingers trace over the buttons. it was an entirely different world from back here. "have you done anything like this before?"

"nope,"

"during the show, the lighting is cued so it's mostly a case of hitting the button at the right time."

"oh, so you guys basically don't do anything?"

"funny," they huff out a laugh. "you see the overhead lights?" she looks up in the direction they're pointing at the four lights pointing towards the stage. "let's just fuck with those for now. they're numbered so if we do..." Katherine watches them proceed to press a variety of buttons as they explain to her what they're doing. "it really is as simple as typing in exactly what you want. each light is numbered and then if you press at full it's gonna be as bright as can be and so forth." that made sense. it all seemed pretty simple but then again she wasn't the one actually doing it and there were still a bunch of buttons she simply didn't use. "oh you can also change the colours, depending on the type of light so if you just put in the number and then press enter, it'll show you what colours make up the light. adjust the percentages, adjust the colours." she nodded a long. this was perhaps the most confident she had ever seen them, especially around her. It seemed they were really in their element here. "how about I give you a situation and you light it? just basic colours, I'll even be the model, if you want?" Katherine isn't feeling too confident about being left alone with the desk and that must have shown on her face because they immediately backtrack. That confidence faltering a smidge. "we... don't have to."

"no, it's not that-" they had seemed so excited when explaining what to do, she kind of didn't want to disappoint. She was also worried about breaking something and ruining the entire show. "let's do it."

an eager smile is quick to appear. "great- let me get in position." she watches them scurry off down the aisle and climb onto the stage; that was definitely not the correct or safe way to enter the stage. "who should I pretend to be?" Katherine shrugs. "should I do one of you guys?"

She thinks on it a moment but ultimately she had no answer. She had no clue what she was doing or where this was going if she was being honest. "uh... who do you like best?"

"What?"

"whose your favourite queen?"

"That would be like asking me to choose my favourite child," they answer, a playful smile gracing their lips. the pace the length of the stage before turning back. "I think I'd make a mean Anna."

a strange tug in her stomach. that definitely wasn't the answer she had been expecting, Anne maybe, that made sense but Anna? now she couldn't help but wonder where she sat on the list. Anne was the fan favourite, everyone knew that, it was that way as far as history goes and the same for the show. Katherine knew she was popular to some degree but often the meaning of her song seemed to be completely overlooked. most didn't care for a message, they were just there for a good time. "let's go with Anna of Cleaves then."

"so we want warm colours like reds or oranges but not too intense. think you can do that?"

Katherine gives a firm nod before looking down at the desk. she had no clue. "maybe."

"how does her song even go again? sitting here all alone..." The words to get down fall from their lips in what Katherine would describe as a casual speaking tone. it was like background noise for her panicked attempt at working the desk. "are you okay up there?"

no. "mhmm,"

"do you want some help? I went through things pretty quickly so I wouldn't be surprised if you were a little confused, I would be."

"uh..."

"so do you remember the numbers?" Katherine nods. that was perhaps the only part she remembers, each light has a number and there is a small lighting plan next to her. "just take it one light at a time. "turn them on at full so they're as bright as can be." okay. she could do that. she types in each light number alongside 'at' and 'full' which brings up the four lights at the front of the stage. the newbie stands under the lights, arms wide. "now just change the colours. type in the number of the light and press enter then the colour wheels should show up."

"okay, i got it." Katherine takes it one light at a time as they flounce around the stage speaking the words to get down. She decides to do the four lights in alternate colours. red. orange. red. orange. it takes her a minute or two but there is a sense of pride when she is done.

"how's that?"

they come to an abrupt stop centre stage to admire her work. "perfect. I wanna make a change though."

"so not perfect then," Katherine insists.

"it's just what I asked." They place their hands on their hips in some kind of power pose. "we're just gonna tweak. it's a lot of colour so let's change that to warm white." Katherine nods. "do you know what I mean?"

"not really."

"then why nod?" Katherine shrugs. She did have a basic idea. warm colours were like reds and yellows whereas blue is cold. warm white she assumes is just a creamy white but she didn't want to say that in case she was wrong. "so we have open white, warm white and cold white. open is kinda generic white lighting. cold lighting is a little harsher and warm is more soft and cosy."

"so you want me to make some of the lights warm white?"

"yes," with complete disregard for health and safety, they jump down from the stage and come running to her side. Katherine takes a clear step to the side to allow them better access to the desk. "so to make things easier it's usually better to take away than start from nothing so what lights should we make white?"

Katherine shrugs. "does it matter?"

"not really," they insist. "just pick two of them."

"let's go with the two in the middle."

"Okay," they adjust the colours so that the lights return to their original state.. "so just adjust those two to be warm. think... bright and sunny." they flash a smile before leaving to run back onto the stage. "how is my anna impression going?"

"you're doing great,"

"oh yeah?"

"mhmm, the fans would love you." Katherine calls out before turning her attention back to the lighting desk. "think you could do a whole show?"

"oh definitely," they reply.

"get back on your mark then, Anna" Katherine scolds.

"Sorry," hands up in surrender, they stumble into position. "I'll be good."

"so... I would just take away the blue and green, right?"

"try it." super helpful. Katherine sets to work messing with the colour wheels; it made sense to start with the blue and then green. red was warm so it can stay. "paid for with my own riches. where my hounds at? release the bitches."

"woof" Katherine yells out with a bright smile. it just felt right. "how's this?"

hmm, they glance up. "a little too warm but still pretty solid- I like it. it really compliments the orange."

"Really?" She hadn't meant to sound so surprised. This was just new to her so she can't imagine being any good.

"yeah," they nod, walking up to the edge of the stage. "you're so good at this. you ever think about becoming a lighting technician?"

"you gonna go on as me, every night?"

"I'll... give it a go- for sure." They sit on the edge of the stage and slide down to the floor; beginning the journey back to the desk. "might have to give me some tips."

"I could do that," Katherine turns to look at them standing just right behind her. "I think you'd make a great Katherine"

"Well, thank you but I don't think I'm quite as talented as you are."

"don't say that,"

"why? it's true," their brow furrows. "there's a reason I'm stuck behind a desk instead of belting out show tunes."

"without you. there would be no show."

"no. Without you, there is no show. without me, they'd just get someone else to push some buttons."

"nonsense," a dismissive wave of her hand. "you're important to this show," she could tell they still didn't believe her but she wasn't lying. maybe they see themselves as another clog in the machine but out of everyone here, they'd made the most effort with her. sometimes Katherine wishes she was the girl she used to be. that confident, friendly girl who could make friends with anyone and nobody treated her like some delicate little bird who would break if they so much as look at her the wrong way. "at least to me you are," her voice is quieter now, dropping her gaze.

"what do you mean?"

She didn't want to continue. Why didn't she just keep that to herself? "I just... you're- I mean, out of everyone you've really made an impression on me. I talk with the others but they just don't treat me the same way you do."

She dares a very quick glance at them to see a small smile. "and I appreciate you." a gentle tap to the end of her nose, she takes an abrupt step back. at least they didn't ask her to elaborate. "I really admire your courage. it takes a lot to get on stage and sing like you do- about what you do. and I'm happy to have some small part in that." Katherine's expression softens, and she looks at them properly. " plus you don't think I'm weird and I appreciate that."

"didn't quite say that," She teases, returning their smile. a genuine smile, that spreads over her lips and brings a rush of heat to her cheeks.

"should we leave before we end up breaking anything?"

"you don't trust me?" Katherine inquires.

"I don't trust myself," they correct. jumping down the step, they start leading the way backstage. "let's go." Katherine steps down and follows after them.

"Are you finished?"

"here? yeah. I gotta grab some stuff before heading back though, so I'll meet you back home?" it's posed as a question but Katherine doubts it needs an actual answer.

"see you later."

It's a few days since her tech lesson in the theatre and Katherine was feeling more comfortable with her living situation. She no longer actively avoids being in the shared space. In fact, some small part of her wanted to seek out their company.

it had been a long opening night with just about everything going wrong in one way or another. Firstly, the show started late, which wasn't their fault personally but the theatre staff were trying their best. the general public can be complicated and entitled. Not to mention that there were an unusual amount of latecomers so the doors did nothing but swing open every five minutes. And what crowd they did have was quiet; painfully so. You could have heard a pin drop in that auditorium. One of the microphones glitched during House of Holbein. Parr managed to slip on confetti during the mega six. It didn't help that she just wasn't feeling herself. Katherine wanted nothing more than to go home to bed. Hiking her bag further up her shoulder, she bid a quick farewell to stage door before pushing through the door. She could hear the fans before she could see them but she never expected there to be this many. every pair of eyes instantly locked onto her and they started closing in fast. Katherine took a deep breath but anxiety flooded her veins; she suddenly felt really warm and clammy but it was fine. This was fine. They just wanted to say hi. She could do this. She plasters on a fake smile and grabs the first pen in sight, signing a purple programme. And another. And another. With each one done, two more popped up. three more. she was surrounded by them. each person getting closer... and closer... until time stopped. What was happening?

thump. thump. thump.

was that her heartbeat? it was getting louder. and louder. and louder in her ear. it felt like it was trying to break out of her chest; she couldn't breathe. Katherine stumbled backward to try and find something to steady herself but instead, she collapsed against the wall. falling to the ground, hand clamped over her chest like it would keep her heart inside. faint voices drowned out by her heartbeat.

thump. thump. thump.

Was she having a heart attack? Was this the end for Katherine's Howard? dying alone outside a random theatre's stage door. It was a kaleidoscope of blurry images before someone came into focus.

"Hey Katherine, are you- I think you're having a panic attack," A panic attack? It couldn't be, this felt worse. Through teary eyes, she looked up at them in time to notice their hand coming towards her slowly. She flinches instinctively and they stop. Her head falls to rest against the wall as she struggled through rapid breaths "Katherine" their voice felt distant like she was sinking deeper and deeper underwater. "can you focus on me?" she didn't move. "I won't touch you, I promise. just focus on me, okay?" she blinked away tears, looking at them. "it's okay. it's fine. you're safe." she just shook her head rapidly. this wasn't safe. she didn't feel safe. "Just breathe. Inhale for three, out for four," She watches them take a large inhale in, count to three and then exhale. "can you do it with me this time?" they ask. "in,"

one. two. three.

"And out."

one. two. three. four.

"good. and again..."

it could have been minutes or hours before she finally calmed down. it was all a bit of a blur. but the people around her had started acting weird. Most didn't approach Katherine without caution before but now they were walking on eggshells. Every conversation seemed to be about how she was feeling. Scared to say the wrong thing. She knew it was because of what happened at stage door but this was just awkward.

Katherine loiters at the side of the stage, waiting with the other queens for the soundcheck to start. Anne and Jane are sitting on the edge of the stage laughing about something. Catalina, Anna, and Catherine are chatting in a little group. It's like she's not even here; they've hardly acknowledged her. The newbie hands everyone a microphone one by one.

"how long is this gonna take?" Anna inquiries, brushing herself off as she stands up. "just I have to get my hair done."

"do you wanna go first?"

"Can I?"

They shrug. "why not." As they approach she can feel heat rush to her cheeks; she can't even bring herself to look at them. a mumbled thanks as they hand over a pink microphone. they don't question it as they continue on to Parr. "we gonna start with Anna because she needs to go. if anyone needs any monitor, I'll fill in for Anna." they yell across the auditorium to the sound engineer. "is everyone else fine?" there's a mumbling of yeses. "perfect. Anna, take the stage." it's a slow process. They have to check levels individually and then there were the in-ear monitors which required a little extra effort. Parr seemed to be the only one to have any real issues. once done, everyone is eager to leave the stage. However, Katherine lingered once more, waiting for the others to filter out. She wanted to talk to them. Clear the air a little after the other night. "do you ever take a day off?" she remarks on approach, they were putting the microphones back in order.

"no time for that," they reply but they don't even look at her. "did you need something?"

Katherine wavered, debating whether she should come up with some kind of excuse or just admit to wanting to talk to them. In the end, she just shakes her head. it was pointless anyway, they seemed annoyed with her. She couldn't blame them. "I'm gonna finish getting ready. see you later."

"bye."

exiting the stage, she almost collides with Anne. She wears an inquisitive expression slightly suppressed by the darkness of the wings. "what was that all about?"

"what do you mean?" Katherine breezes past. in no mood to entertain her cousin but she can hear her following behind.

"you two were becoming besties, and now you can't even look at each other." Katherine sighs loudly. "i just wanna know what happened."

"nothing happened."

"Katherine," pressure encompasses her wrist to which Katherine freezes. For a second she almost loses herself to the growing pit in her stomach but instead, she yanks herself free from Anne's grip. "sorry- sorry." Anne backs away, hands held up in surrender. She blinks a few times and takes a deep breath.

"everything is fine. it's just all... a lot right now and I need to finish getting ready for the show."

"you know you can talk to me, right?"

katherine's eyes fall to her wrist. Anne grabbed her without a second thought and she froze. it almost happened again. That anxiety. the fear. she thought she was past this. "I know." her cousin meant well but she had no intention of taking her up on the offer. "just... drop it, okay?" Katherine keeps walking, albeit a little faster, towards her shared dressing room. thankfully, it was empty.

Multiple conversations with them never seem to pass small talk, no matter how hard she tried. Katherine was trying not to take it to heart. Being on tour for the first time was hard. They're probably just overworked and no longer wanted to deal with her. It was a rarity for Katherine to let anyone new into her life. Acquaintances didn't become friends; She avoided it as best she can. Not to say she was just mean to everyone but the goal was never to make connections. She connected with the other queens through shared experiences; nobody else would ever truly understand what it was like being a Tudor queen... or getting her head chopped off in her and Anne's case. The crew on tour knew her through proximity. She talked to some more than others but the idea of a tour "family" was far from a myth.

it was a particularly chilly day as Katherine made her way along the pavement. the air was crisp, fresh and with it being so early there was hardly anyone around. a jogger speeds right past get. she made sure to leave early so nobody would see her on the way out. she's not even sure anyone will be awake when she arrives. it takes a second for her to remember which apartment building she was supposed to be looking for; they all looked exactly the same. what apartment were they even staying in again? She hesitates before selecting the one sitting in the corner. she's almost certain she remembers Anna mentioning the park just opposite, or maybe she said at the end of the road? looking over the numbered buttons, Katherine selects the top one. that seemed right. it hums. and hums. and hums. She almost gives up when she hears a quiet voice. "hello?" it's hard to figure out who it belonged to. "hello? anyone there?"

"it's- it's Katherine." why does she seem so unsure about her own name? there's a moment of silence before a loud buzz signals the door's unlocked. Guess it was the right building or some stranger just let her in. After a marathon of stairs, she was at the top floor. This place would really benefit from a lift. With each knock against the door, a bigger wave of regret washes over her. This was a bad idea. Her problems were her own to deal with. Nobody wanted to hear her whine about her problems especially not this early in the morning. the click of a lock and the door screeches open. There is nobody behind it but as Katherine pushes further inside, she spots a figure already back in the kitchen.

"you're here early," Jane pours water into one mug and then another.

"I wasn't sure you'd be awake," Katherine remains in the doorway, still unsure about being here. Jane would never tell her to leave even if she wanted her to; she's much too nice. Maybe that's what drew Katherine here. Even if Jane didn't care about her issues, she would never admit it. She wouldn't laugh either.

"couldn't sleep,"

"any particular reason?" Jane doesn't answer. Simply picks up both mugs and heads towards her, offering one up.

"what can I do for you, Katherine?" the girl accepts the cup, wrapping her hands around the ceramic; it was just slightly too hot like it was boiled a fair amount of time before she arrived. Katherine follows Jane back to the kitchen. it was nothing particularly fancy but it did have an island counter. it was really clean. a tube of Pringles sits centre next to a bowl of fruit and a couple of books. Jane takes a seat at the small kitchen table and Katherine does the same. the pit of uncertainty bubbles deep inside. it seemed really silly now that she was sitting here staring at a clearly tired Jane. She just stares back with a small smile; sipping on her coffee. Katherine took a deep breath. "this is stupid," she grumbles to herself.

"That's okay," Such a tender voice. "do you want some breakfast?"

The thought of eating right now churns her stomach so she shakes her head. Katherine focuses on the coffee in her cup, the way the steam rises up into the air and disappears. She wished she could disappear. "I..." she swallows hard. "I'm not sure i can do this."

"and that's okay too. it's just nice to see you," Jane insists. "but do you want me to ask about it?" she keeps her gaze low but nods a little. "what's wrong Katherine? is it about the other night,"

her whole body physically cringed. Everyone had asked how she was doing but nobody actually mentioned that night. She knew, everyone else knew but still. "kinda."

"you have nothing to be embarrassed about, Ka-,"

"I'm not embarrassed," she bites back. it was an obvious lie. She couldn't even look at Jane.

"It was a very normal reaction."

"oh yeah? everyone has panic attacks at stage door?" She was being too defensive, she could hear it in her voice but she couldn't help it. it felt wrong talking about it. it felt wrong having someone try to understand. this was the first time since it happened that she even called it what it was; a panic attack. "it's been ages..." Katherine trails off. In the beginning, panic attacks were frequent even with the show, she used to use side exits to avoid crowds. It took the other queens suggesting therapy to help. touch was something she would probably always struggle with but she hadn't experienced a panic attack like that for years. "I thought I was past this,"

"Katherine,"

"It's stupid,"

"Katherine," Jane repeats, a little firmer this time. "it is not stupid. you relive your trauma every night on stage for hundreds of people, I would be more worried if that didn't mess with your head. sometimes it all just gets a little too much."

"does it happen to you?" Katherine asks quietly, looking up at Jane. Her smile falters for a split second.

"Sometimes, I still have nightmares... rarely but they surprise me," Katherine always saw the others as put together. they seemed to get over the past in a way she never quite could but perhaps she had been mistaken. "it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with you."

Katherine doesn't really know the details of that night past the initial feelings but with the way she was being treated, she imagined it to be quite a bad attack. "they definitely think something is wrong with me," she mumbled to herself. They hardly spoke a word to her now so clearly she scared them. "I don't even know what happened- not really."

"I was told that you were surrounded by fans and just started panicking. then the newbie found you, moved the crowd back, and tried to help. You weren't happy with their help and stormed off." a vague memory of calming down and seeing nothing but them. She also could picture herself storming off. "you weren't very nice but nobody blames you. not even your techie."

"they're not mine- and they have a name."

"your closer with them than most," Jane's smile grew but that only made Katherine want to disappear more. "it's sweet."

"Not anymore." if what Jane said was true and she snapped at them then she can understand why they were giving her the cold shoulder.

"Have you tried talking to them?"

"yes. many times, Jane."

"Okay, no need for the attitude."

"Sorry," Katherine hums softly, as she takes a sip of her coffee. it was lukewarm and far from sweet enough for her sophisticated palette. "it's just weird... I don't know what to say and they don't seem too interested anyway."

"Have you tried apologising? not for the panic attack obviously but maybe they just weren't expecting your reaction," Jane shrugs a little. "I'm sure they would understand."

Katherine simply sighs. a long heavy sigh. why did everything require meaningful conversations? couldn't they just forget it happened and move on? "can I ask you something?"

"you can ask anything you like,"

"how do you know if someone is being genuine?"

Jane looks... confused making Katherine sink down in her seat a little. She takes another sip of her cold coffee. "what do you mean?"

Katherine almost didn't continue. almost content with pretending she never even asked but she would probably feel more regret if she did. Talking was the whole reason she was here. her head was a tornado of thoughts and feelings right now, she wasn't sure what was real. "I don't know, like, how do you know if someone is being real with you? not just pretending to be your friend." While her social skills could use a little work, Katherine, admittedly always had trouble navigating relationships. She attracted the wrong kind of attention. that wasn't her fault, she had been told that many times. but if she just hadn't been so naïve? so trusting? Her feelings are her own, nobody controlled her deep inside. Jane no longer looks confused but she doesn't smile either, just stared back as if inspecting her. "I've just had a little trouble in the past," her voice but a whisper, she was hoping Jane couldn't hear that part. "feelings are fuck-" the sound of a door brings another into the living area, stopping Katharine short. It was Anna. She drifts slowly to the kitchen, a little groggy from sleep. Jane offers a smile. Katherine does too but she doesn't want to be here anymore.

"didn't expect you to be here, Katherine."

"yeah, sorry. I was just discussing something with Jane."

"don't let me stop you," too late. Anna meant no harm, she simply happened to be sharing digs with Jane but she hadn't come all this way to discuss her issues with both of them. They all fall into silence, listening to the gurgling of the kettle boiling.

"It's okay," Katherine lied, she looks at her coffee debating if she should finish it before pushing her chair out to stand up. "we're just finishing up anyway,"

"really?"

"it's fine. don't worry about it." Katherine was quick to respond. "I'll see you guys later." she practically ran out the door before anyone could question her further. So much for seeking help from Jane, she was left feeling almost exactly the same; confused and a little fucked up. Her back hits the nearby wall biting back any sort of tears before setting off down the staircase.

Another day. Another Show. With her makeup freshly applied, Katherine lounges on her chair scrolling through Instagram. Social Media was such a strange thing to get accustomed to. There was just nothing like it back in her day. you couldn't connect with people instantly or access so much information. People can be so nice and supportive while others will call you a slut for taking a picture in a skirt. It was all wild.

"where were you this morning?" Anne saunters into the room, tossing her stuff on a vanity table.

"huh?"

"you left early," The girl walks up behind her. "just disappeared. where did you go?"

Katherine raises her shoulders in a shrug, meeting Anne's gaze in the mirror for just a second before going back to her phone. "does it matter?" her phone abruptly slips between her fingers and into the other woman's possession. "give me my phone."

"you kids and your phones," she teases, a smile on her lips as she poses in the mirror. Katherine is less amused. Anne was probably on her phone most out of the queens, so much so, she was charged with creating content to help promote the show. She was always asking Katherine for pictures or to be in videos. "you could have at least smiled." Katherine holds out an expectant hand and Anne returns the phone. "you were missed at breakfast."

one new post on her Instagram story shows a happy Anne Boleyn standing behind her while she looks annoyed. why would she post that? Katherine did not look great in it. "I had breakfast with Jane," she admits, placing her phone down on her vanity.

"Seymour? why?" Katherine shrugs a little. Anne waits for a response that was never going to come but she is quick to change the subject after a beat or two. "we're going for food after the show if you wanna come?"

"Maybe," Probably not though.

"cheer up, cousin, for thou shall soon have a room full of adoring fans."

Her brow furrows "Thou?"

Anne offers a bright grin as she takes a seat, starting to unload her makeup bag. The next click of the door brings Anna into the room, a near mirror of this morning. "you're late, cleaves."

"says the girl who only just started,"

A call for warm-ups hums through the dressing room speaker, giving Katherine the perfect opportunity to escape before she had to deal with any more questions. She is the first to arrive aside from Jane, whose role as dance captain was to lead the session. When she spots Katherine, she wears a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry about this morning."

"don't be, just forget I said anything." Next to walk on stage was Catalina. she's all warm smiles and hellos but katherine can still feel Jane's gaze burning into her.

"we'll finish this later, okay?"

Katherine nods a little to appease Jane rather than in agreement. It was easier. For now, she just wanted to focus on the show. on the fans. on the music. on literally anything else.

a delicate finger traces over the damaged skin that encircles her neck. it was feeling a little sensitive tonight; phantom pain some would say. On days like this, she couldn't help but think back to that frightful day; a constant ugly reminder. Her 'K' choker lay across her vanity. That was reserved for the show; her everyday chokers weren't as flashy. Anne bore the same burden of the past although during the show her costume covered her neck. a knock brings her back to reality and the door opens before she can respond. "Anne told me to come grab her phone," they announce. Katherine turns sharply, scrambling for her choker and stumbling through putting it around her neck. "sorry."

"it should be over there," Katherine points to Anne's part of the room.

"uh...thanks," they wonder across the room. "are you coming with us?"

"Where?" she asks, struggling to find the clasp.

"for food? I figured Anne asked you." Katherine shrugged a little glancing over at them. They were too busy looking through all the stuff Anne had scattered along her vanity. She wasn't the tidiest of queens. "I don't know where we're going through," unsuccessful on the vanity, their attention turned to the rest of the room. They head for the rack of robes hung on the wall, locating the one with Anne's name stitched on their root through the pockets. a triumphant smile, they perk up, phone in hand. "I swear she'd lose her head if it wasn't screwed on." Katherine would laugh if it didn't hit a little too close to home. The two of them were rarely alone, especially now. Perhaps this was the perfect time for that talk Jane recommended. But she just watched them head for the door; her opportunity for a private conversation dwindling.

"I'm sorry," she blurts out as their hand reaches the doorknob. "... I'm sorry," she repeats; slower this time. they turn back to her, clearly a little confused. She felt queasy like she was gonna throw up.

"you're sorry?" Katherine nods but refuses to meet their eyes. "for what? you don't have to come, it's really not the end of the world."

"not that " she sighs softly, struggling to force herself to continue. Was it too late to back out? She was fed up with the awkward conversations but maybe that was just how it was meant to be now. there was no guarantee her apology would even work so all of this could just be one massive waste of time. "for the other night." their brow furrows and she begins to wonder if they're simply pretending to not remember. "I... I didn't mean to snap at you."

"oh... that. it's fine."

"no it's not, I shouldn't have reacted like that, you were just trying to help."

"Katherine, it's fine, honestly. you have nothing to be sorry about- I'm sorry I didn't know what to do to help." Katherine could feel the tears threatening to fall but she was not about to cry in front of them. not again. She looks up through watery eyes. "are you okay now?"

"mhmm." she hums. She knew they knew she was lying. it was clear in their expression.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," she said as confidently as she could muster. "it's all good."

"Okay," they say quietly. "I'll see you for dinner?"

"Maybe," Katherine forces a slight smile to try and emphasise her okayness.

"I think you should come," and with that, they leave her alone. a sigh of relief did little to relieve her of the weight on her shoulders. That conversation was just weird. why couldn't she just be fucking normal instead of this awkward little mess? Katherine falls down onto the nearest seat and then there is a knock. at least she knocked this time.

"What else did Anne forget?" Katherine calls out, looking as the door opens to reveal Jane. oh... great.

"thought I'd come check if you were still here," she hums, stepping over the threshold and closing the door behind her. "we should finish our conversation from earlier."

"I said it was fine, Jane," Katherine insists. Jane walked up behind her chair, looking at her through the mirror. she looked like she'd been crying although that wasn't entirely inaccurate. "can we just forget about it, please?"

"I don't want to forget," Her voice is gentle to the ear. "it was clearly important if you show up at my door unannounced."

"Jane, ple-" Two hands settle on her shoulders bringing her to an abrupt stop. she doesn't like to be touched. Jane knows that. it took her a long time to get used to the idea that it can be tender and gentle; not just a means to an end but after the other night, she's a little unsettled by it. Katherine just stares into the mirror ahead of her.

"you asked me how you know if someone is being genuine," Katherine nods slowly. "the answer is, you don't- connecting with other people is all about trust and it's hard but when it pays off it's worth it." jane smiles softly at her in the mirror, "I wish you'd allow yourself to enjoy this new life instead of clinging so painfully to the past,"

"It's... not that simple." Her past lived on through history books. Strangers dedicated entire books to telling her story; fact or fallacy. Every night she gets on stage to stage and sings about her past. how was she supposed to move on from something she wasn't allowed to? Jane sighs so softly, it almost didn't feel real.

"I know and it never will be, the ghosts of the past haunt us all but that doesn't mean we can't live." what does that even mean? ghosts of the past? Jane's hand finally slip from her shoulders. "you deserve to be happy, Katherine." with that, Jane takes her leave but not without leaving a final comment. "I think you should come to dinner."

Katherine didn't know how to take that? Happiness in its truest sense was something she was not familiar with. That is not to say that she was miserable but her past was so shrouded in darkness, it always hung heavy. it was in this moment, she noticed her choker was askew. scar peaking out a little. a ghost of the past. her fingers brush against the skin just like earlier before adjusting her choker, grabbing her stuff and rushing off to catch up to Jane.

Deciding to join the others for dinner had turned out to be a good thing. Her apology, as awkward as it was in the moment, had seemed to work. The conversation flowed a lot more naturally. It felt like they were back to where they were before her panic attack. even the other queens seemed to stop worrying so much.

"you okay?" they ask. The two of them walk in the back with Anne, Jane and Catherine ahead of them. A few others had joined them at dinner but ultimately parted ways earlier. "you're being awfully quiet."

"I'm fine, just thinking."

"About what?" they wonder, Katherine glances at them but they're looking ahead. "if you don't mind me asking." she doesn't respond. she doesn't want to admit how much they've played on her mind. "can't believe we leave tomorrow. I'm excited for a new city but I've loved being here."

"longer you stay somewhere the nicer it is," Katherine responds, grateful for the change in conversation. "you get used to it. fall into a routine. get to know the staff."

"that makes sense," they agree. "did you see the girl sat in the stalls that just had a giant picture of Anne on her t-shirt?"

"it was hard to miss," Katherine hums. As much as they're blinded by lights on stage, the audience was still highly visible. It's one of the great things about live theatre. that connection with the audience. it also means that when performing, you can spot who is trying to record the show when they're not supposed to be. who sings along. who just has the biggest smile on their face because they're loving every second of it. "wonder who her favourite was."

"My guess would probably be Catherine Parr." Katherine lets out a huff of a laugh.

"What are you two saying about me?"

"Nothing," Katherine is quick to reply.

"we're talking about mega fans actually," they call out. "go back to your own conversation."

"ooooh," Anne hums. "got quite the attitude now haven't they? I remember when you couldn't even look me in the eye."

"yeah because you were a massive bitch." they respond sharply, earning a laugh from all.

"that's it. I'm locking the doors tonight, you can sleep in the street."

"I have a key, Anne." they reply. "now mind your business, I was talking to Katherine, not you!"

"you're always talking with Katherine like we get it you're obsessed with her- one step away from getting a shirt with her face plastered on." Anne teases softly, a notice or smirk as she glances back at them. Clearly, someone was listening to their conversation but that wasn't surprising. She was very good at listening to everything; always seems to know exactly what was going on.

"fuck you," the fire back, middle finger in the air although the smile suggests they enjoyed the teasing. "Katherine just isn't an asshole like you."

"Whatever," Anne murmurs. "go back to flirting with my cousin."

"Definitely not what is happening," they reply. Katherine feels heat rush to her cheeks. "but fine." they turn to her. "she's a piece of work."

"tell me about it," Katherine agrees, smiling a little.

"gossiping about me now," Anne calls back. "as thick as thieves those two, huh Jane?"

"That's enough," Jane reacts. "leave them alone."

"yeah, Anne. leave us alone."

"so that's too far but they can call me a bitch- I see how it is, Seymour. always picking favourites."

"Everyone knows I'm Jane's favourite, she buys me little touristy things in every city we visit."

"you do?" Parr questions.

"excuse me for wanting to be nice to the people who help put on our show every night. It's their first tour."

"I'm nice." Parr defends. "I literally baked brownies for everyone the other day. vegan brownies."

"They were so good." they comment. "just Anne's a bitch."

"let's not call each other bitches, please." Jane scolds

"don't act like you care now," Anne huffs dramatically. "it's too late."

"stop being a big baby Anne."

"Where has the attitude come from- Jesus Christ."

the rest of the walk home continues as such. Katherine is quiet for most of it, watching her cousin argue her own niceness although historians seem to disagree. many paint her as some scheming harlot. it's amusing... she hasn't seen this side of the newbie. a clear sign of how comfortable they've grown to be. although it never feels that way when they speak to her. always a distance between them. how does she get past it? what does she have to do? She wasn't like Anne, she didn't dare insult them. nor was she tender and understanding like Jane. She was awkward and immature tainted with memories of past relationships that weren't so easily forgotten.

That panic attack at stage door had left Katherine in a weird situation. She was falling back into bad habits. Remembering things she was usually great at blocking out. Sleeping was hard. It was a matter of luck whether she would have a good night or a bad one. Those ghosts Jane spoke about were infections in her dreams. Everything's fine and then Henry Mannox flashes before her eyes. or Francis Dereham. he was the most frequent. Even the king himself made an appearance. each with a smile, one she once believed to be genuine, that morphed into a malicious grin. it made her angry. it made her sad. it made her confused. As if fate deemed it so on deciding to get up, she finds them in the kitchen. "you're up late."

"i could say the same about you," she responds a little too defensively. "what are you doing?"

they shrug. "can't sleep- same as you I guess." Katherine doesn't bother responding, just walks closer to the kitchen aisle. "do you want some tea? might help with insomnia." it wouldn't. what she really needed was to shut her brain off long enough to drift off. for the ghosts of the past to just leave her alone for five bloody minutes. she doesn't say that, simply nods.

"thank you," hummed as a mug slid across the counter. Katherine stares into the tea as if inspecting it and they fall into silence. it's a little uncomfortable; neither wants to acknowledge anything that may or may not have happened. She takes a sip of her drink which goes down nice; warmth spilling over her body. "this is just what I needed."

"Are you okay?" she'd been hearing that question far too much recently. "like really okay?"

"mhmm," she nods.

"Are you lying?" it catches her a little off guard. other than Anne and maybe, Jane, most take her at her word. They wouldn't dare suggest she was lying even if they thought she was.

"I'm fine,"

two hands wrapped around their cup, they walk around to her. "there is something going on in that little head of yours" they say quietly. "I'm worried about you,"

"There is nothing to worry about," Katherine assured them. a soft sigh slips past their lips.

"you don't have to lie to me, Katherine," they respond. "you should try to get some sleep." and with that, they take their leave. Katherine remains in the kitchen a while longer, slowly sipping on her tea before returning to her chambers to attempt to fall asleep.

There is a week before their next show, in their next city and each member of the tour is free to do as they please. Anne invited Katherine to join her on a trip somewhere in Europe but she ultimately decided to decline. Being on tour was intense and she just needed some time to just be alone. No pressure to be anything but herself. She had booked a flat for two weeks and other than having dinner with Maggie and Joan one night, she hadn't done much.

Walking through the door, Katherine offers a smile and a polite hello to the person on stage door. Today was just a rehearsal along with some checks before the show opens. She heads straight for her dressing room, tossing down her bag. This theatre appeared larger than the last but not big enough that she didn't have to share a dressing room. this time around it's with Parr, who seemed yet to arrive. walking into the green room, she pops her lunch in the fridge.

"Fancy meeting you here, Miss Howard." her ears perk up, and she closes the fridge door to see them. She offers a bright smile. "already raiding the fridge, I see."

"hello to you too,"

they're smiling back, that's a good start. "you're early."

"figured I'd have a look around so I don't get lost."

"look at you, taking your job seriously." they tease and then she hears them. Anne.

"where is my favourite crew member?" echoes through the corridor.

"I have a name, Anne."

"you do?- oh yeah, Katherine's techie, right?"

"Why do I belong to Katherine?" they ask, glancing at her. Anne is yet to actually enter the room, lingering in the hallway.

"you spend the most time with her? My dear sweet cousin is quite the character but she doesn't fair well with new people," they finally enter the room, patting them on the shoulder. "she likes you though. dare I say, a lot."

"is that true?" they turn to her. as does Anne who clearly hadn't realise she'd been here the whole time.

"I'm not the one shouting about how they're my favourite," Katherine defends.

"what can I say? I'm a sucker for this face," an arm slumps around their shoulder, pinching their cheeks as they struggle to get away. "they're really cute, don't you think so Katherine?"

"Sure,"

"When we have time off, I sometimes think I miss you Anne and then I remember what you're actually like."

"you love me,"

"do I?" there is clear sarcasm in their voice. "I don't remember saying that."

"We all know it's true." few pats on their back and Anne is heading for the door. "now if you'll excuse me, some of us have actually jobs to do instead of just standing around chatting,"

"I don't think I can make it through the rest of this tour with your cousin, to be honest,"

Katherine smiles a little clearly showing her amusement. "I wanted to ask you something if that's okay?"

"of course,"

a nervousness bubbled in her stomach. Katherine wouldn't call herself shy per se but they seemed to bring it out in her. "I..." she trails off, no longer confident in her approach. "I was just wondering where the bathroom is?"

their brow quirks, meeting Katherine's gaze. "uh... it's just to the left of the lift." they answer. "was there anything else?" they ask. She just shakes her head. "okay, well, I have to go check some equipment ready for tomorrow so I'll see you later?"

"see you later." Katherine watches them walk away, letting out a heavy sigh. it was going to be a very long day.

the sun has long since set when they're finally finished for the day. Katherine is left feeling rather good, surprisingly. perhaps she'd missed the company of the others more than expected.

the show went well. the audience actually seemed engaged but she hadn't expected so many to be waiting outside. her eyes were fixed on the cameras inside the stage door booth. she could do this. As long as no one grabbed her or got too close, she'd be fine... hopefully. She waved good night to the person on the stage door before bracing the throng of people with a deep breath. luckily they didn't swarm her, in fact, they were polite enough to step back when asked. Katherine understood the value of interacting with fans even if she just wanted to go home. signing programs. taking pictures. She almost didn't notice them leaving through stage door. almost. when she spotted them, she bid farewell to the fans and rushed to catch up with them.

"hey,"

"oh, Katherine, hey," they seemed surprised and not necessarily in a good way.

"do you mind if I walk with you?" she asks. "I know it's not far but still."

"I don't mind." they offer a smile that makes her relax a little. it's awkward at first, neither party speaking.

"it's nice out tonight,"

"oh, yeah," they nod, glancing upward at the stars. it's a clear night graced with a full moon. "full moon too."

"they say a full moon brings out all the weirdos."

"weirdos? you worried about stray werewolves roaming the streets?"

"Definitely," Katherine plays along. "you're here to keep me safe, I am the star after all."

"oh I see, always after something," they playful raise their arm to salute. "don't worry, your majesty, I shall keep you safe."

"I very much appreciate your service," a smirk pulls at her lips, only to disappear a moment later when she feels their hand brush against hers. her heart beats heavily in her chest and for a second she thinks she might panic. it's clear they took notice because they move away.

"Sorry- sorry, I didn't mean to..." they trail off. they were clearly trying to hold her hand but why? Was it just part of the act?

"It's okay," her voice is quiet. it wasn't okay per-say, her stomach had dropped and her heart was racing. but she's working through it. not all touch was bad. sometimes it's just how people show they care. their hand was surprisingly soft. "we should probably stay close- just in case, you know?"

they laugh. a small laugh but a laugh all the same and she feels a gentle pressure against her hand. "you do realise I don't know where you're staying, right?"

"shit- right, it's this way," she begins leading the way. Katherine was staying very close to the venue this time around. seemed easier and ensured she wouldn't be walking too far alone at night.

"you struck gold with this place," they hum, looking up. "I'm miles away compared to this."

"It's a nice little space."

"alright. now that I have kept you safe from the big bad wolves, I shall be on my way," they release her hand and bow playfully. "i bid thee farewell, your majesty."

"really committing to the bit here, huh?"

"go big or go home," they shrug, turning sharply on their heel they head off down the street. "have a good night, Katherine," Katherine watches them for a moment before heading inside. Was she shaking?

legs dangling off the edge of the stage, Katherine watches the crew work around her. the show will start soon. they've just finished warm-ups. the others have gone to finish getting ready but she lingers patiently. She spies the occasional member of staff wandering past the auditorium; looking inside to get a glimpse of what's happening. cute. She enjoys seeing them around the building just living their lives. she'll often stroll into a green room and find theatre staff, it's just every day for them. always so professional. it must be nice to be paid to watch the show.

"don't you have a show to get ready for?" a shadow lingers over her. "we have to open the house soon."

Katherine rises to her feet. "I was waiting for you to finish,"

"oh and what could a big star like you want with little old me?"

"hardly a big star," Katherine insists. outside of mega fans and musical theatre circles, Katherine was a nobody. at least nowadays she was, she was once a queen. a real queen.

"bigger star than me," they shrug. "what are you after?"

"I just wanted to ask you something." Katherine insists.

"Are you actually gonna ask it this time?"

Katherine bites her tongue. she'd laugh if she wasn't so embarrassed. "I wanted to ask if you'd like to do something after work today?"

"Oh," their brow furrows. "just the two of us?"

"if that's okay," Katherine replies. "I was thinking like a movie or something? or we could just get a drink? anything, really..."

"Okay."

"okay?"

"Okay," they repeat. "why are you so nervous? we've hung out like a bunch of times,"

"I'm not nervous," her voice betrays her so she tried again. "I'm not nervous- so a movie then?"

"Sure, why not. I need to go home first though if that's okay. should we meet at the cinema or you could come back with me, up to you."

"that's fine," Katherine smiles a little. "i have to get ready for the show so I'll see you in a bit."

"break a leg," Katherine moves rather quickly backstage. a particular pep in her step as she headed straight for her dressing room. she had a little time before beginners but she still had to put on her costume and do some final touches. She was feeling good about the show today but even more so for what came after. pushing into her room, she finds Catherine fixing herself in the mirror.

"where have you been?" Catherine asks as she enters.

"just chatting," Katherine shrugs, taking her costume from the rack. "I'll be quick, don't worry."

"you've got time, I was just curious," a knock sounds on the door. As much as they've all seen each other in various states of undress, she holds off on getting changed. Catherine heads over and opens the door to reveal Anne. She wore her iconic green two-piece and a devious grin. great.

"what's up?"

"I came to speak to Katherine,"

"what do you want?" she questions suspiciously.

"heard on the grapevine that you, my friend, have a date."

"Who told you that?" her reply is sharp; so sharp that it'll lead Anne to incorrect conclusions. how did she even find out so quickly? it had been all of fifteen minutes since she asked. had they told her? "we're just hanging out."

"so it's true then," a grin paired with the excitement in her voice brings a bad feeling to Katherine's stomach. she loved Anne but there are many things she'd rather keep to herself. her cousin had a habit of teasing her. and as harmless as it may seem, it didn't always sit right with her. This was a prime example. "I knew it! awww my baby cousin is growing up," she wipes a metaphorical tear from her eye.

"Anne," Katherine growls.

"where are you going?"

"we're just going to the cinema," Katherine shrugs. "it's not a big deal."

"you're right- it's a huge deal."

"stop it," Katherine scolds.

"what's happening?" Catherine abruptly enters the conversation. Katherine wanted to sink into the floor never to be seen again.

"Katherine has a little date with everyone's favourite techie" Anne hums.

"do you think the rest of the crew likes that we show favouritism?" Katherine asks, trying to change the conversation.

"We love them all," Anne waves a dismissive hand. "maybe not as much as you like some of them but still,"

"Can you go away, please?" Katherine urges. "I have to finish getting ready."

"maybe if you didn't spend so much time chatting, you'd already be ready," Anne states. "like the rest of us. your dating life isn't more important than the show."

"you just-" she stops herself short, closing her eyes and taking a deep centering breath. "okay, well, leave so I can finish."

"fine. I'm going," Anne twirls around. "just know, that I'm gonna tell everyone about your little date."

"Please don't," she wasn't even sure if it was a date.

"too late," Anne runs off down the hallway. "Anna, guess what I heard."

Katherine groans loudly.

"you shouldn't be embarrassed, you know," Catherine says after a moment. "it's good that you're putting yourself out there, Katherine. if this is what you want, then I really hope it works out,"

she would have preferred if this conversation wasn't happening but she appreciated the effort. "thanks." she offers a little smile. "I hope so too."

Post-show, Katherine was feeling surprisingly great. the performance went swimmingly and she was feeling good about doing something afterward. but as the costume was packed away and the makeup was wiped away that familiar feeling began setting in. She knew it was just nerves, this wasn't anything to panic over. In fact, her nerves meant she cared and that's a good thing. As she waits, she's convinced they've simply forgotten about her. then she realised they would probably take a minute or two considering they had to help tidy up and whatnot. eventually, she decides to check outside only to find them chatting away at stage door. they offer a bright smile when they notice her approaching.

"hey,"

"Hello," Katherine smiles back.

"shall we get going?" they bid farewell to stage door and Katherine does the same, following behind. despite the time, there was a sprinkling of what she would describe as dedicated fans left waiting outside the door. She really didn't want to stop tonight but she did so anyway. luckily, they were nice enough to wait as she spoke with fans; even going as far as offering to take pictures.

"Sorry about that," Katherine says when they're far enough away. there had only been a few but still, she made them wait and that deserved an apology.

"Don't be," they shrug casually. "it's part of the territory. it's nice that you make time for them and I love walking out and seeing their disappointment when they see me instead of one of you guys. sometimes I even get a clap which is nice."

"you guys deserve just as much attention,"

"I don't know about me personally but sure," they nod a little.

"you too," Katherine assures. "everyone. a show takes a team."

they look at her as if waiting for her to continue. "you were really good tonight."

"thank you," Katherine smiles. "am I not good the rest of the time?"

their face drops a little, she can see the panic in their eyes. "i didn't mean it like that- you're always great. just i don't always watch the show so it's kinda like-"

"I'm kidding," Katherine chuckles. "guess you haven't changed that much after all." it's clear they've grown in confidence since the start of the tour especially around the other queens. guess it just wasn't the same with her. still just a little shy.

"what do you mean?"

Katherine shook her head. "nothing- how far away are you staying?"

"not far. I didn't pick the location," they reply. "it's what I get for sharing. can't all stay like 5 minutes away."

"Who are you staying with?"

"Nate," ah fellow technician. Head of LX. the conversation falls short and just when Katherine thinks to speak up they've arrived. it's a house, surprisingly. small. they unlock the door and she follows them inside.

"Something smells good," they comment.

"that would be my dinner," Nate responds as they walk through to the kitchen. Sat at the table is Nate with an iPad sat before him. "didn't know when you'd be back so I haven't made enough for... three? hey Katherine."

"It's fine. we're not staying," they reply before turning to her. "just give me a second to change then we can go."

Katherine watches them leave her standing awkwardly centre of the room. she lingers for a moment before deciding to take a seat opposite Nate. they don't say anything to her but begin tapping on their screen. "you enjoy your day off?"

Nate shrugs. "it was pretty slow. I probably should have done more."

"days, where you don't do anything, are the best kind," Katherine comments. "I have Friday off and I'm not sure I'll get up to much."

"i have Friday off too," they enter the space a lot quicker than expected. they don't look much different but the lack of a giant SIX logo on their back was apparent. "think I'm gonna do some exploring, I don't know." they shrug. "should we go?"

"yep," Katherine stands.

"where are you going?" Nate asks.

"cinema," they respond. "enjoy your food."

"Enjoy your movie,"

"we will," they call back already halfway towards the door.

"bye Nate." she shuffles after them.

"see ya, Katherine."

The night air is a refreshing contrast to the warmth of the house. Katherine is just a step or two behind them. "so what are we seeing?" they glance back at her and she realiSes she hasn't actually checked what was showing this evening. shit.

"uh, I thought we could just see what was on when we get there,"

"hmm..." they hum softly. "you didn't pick a movie?"

"I wasn't sure what you'd wanna see,"

"you didn't plan this? god, you've had hours." despite the cool air, Katherine was left feeling warm. She could tell they were just joking but they were right. She really hadn't planned this very well. all her energy had been focused on asking in the first place. they take pause to allow Katherine to fall in step.

"I was busy putting on a show for like six hundred people, sorry,"

they laugh a little. "oh really? it's almost like I was there too, crazy."

"Well, you didn't think to look either."

"you asked me out," they defend. "didn't know I had to plan my own dates now."

"...date," Katherine repeats slowly. definitely not what she had been expecting to hear. she looks to them to gauge their reaction to the idea; they seemed pretty confused. neither a good sign nor bad. perhaps she was overthinking here, they had agreed to come thinking it was a date so that was a good thing.

"is that... not what this is?"

"i don't know," that was the truth, she wasn't sure if she had intended for this to be an actual date or not. she had simply wanted to hang out with them. She didn't understand her feelings surrounding that. She didn't hate the idea though. that much was clear. "we've hung out a lot so I wasn't sure what you thought,"

"We hang out a lot," they repeat. "but this felt different. plus Anne was teasing me about it."

"urgh Anne," Katherine groans lowly.

"she's certainly something," they chuckle. "it's cute though. She really cares about you,"

"I guess," Katherine nods. "I wish she'd like chill out sometimes."

"that we can agree on." they nod feeling a little relieved about the situation. there was no confusion or awkwardness. This was a date. and she was okay with that.

Katherine had such a skewed idea of romance. her knowledge directly translated from her past as well as a love for romance movies. this idealised sense of what romance should be was ingrained in her brain; an attempt, no doubt, to wipe away the reality of the few relationships she had. a trip to the movies was more common in teen romance but she enjoyed the quiet focus that came from picture houses. courting had changed since back in her day and was much less of a grand affair. the basics remained. people always liked thoughtful gifts alongside meaningful compliments. but what was known as hook-up culture played a much more prominent role. kissing and even sex, we're no longer such a massive deal. however, just like in the past, they seemed to be expected from her after courtship. This had played a lot on her mind when it came to even the suggestion of dating. how would she handle that? She didn't even like hugs most of the time, never mind anything else. As they walk home together, it's buzzing around her head like a fly. what were they expecting here? does she go full teen romance?? she could do that, right?

Katherine swayed back and forth on the balls of her feet as they lingered outside her current apartment. they had a show in the morning. a matinee. Sundays were a blessing and a curse.

"This was fun," as awkward as she felt saying it, she had to be the one to break the silence.

"yeah... even with the complete lack of planning," they tease, a playful smirk settling on their lips. it reminded her of Anne.

"I already apologised, okay?" an exaggerated sigh. "i don't really do this kinda thing and if I didn't just ask, I was gonna end up running away again."

"Katherine," their voice is gentle. "you don't have to be sorry. We could have done anything, I like hanging with you." their smile brightened. "there's a reason everyone says you're my favourite." her heart was racing. that familiar feeling that accompanied her panic attacks. she liked them. everyone seemed to know that but was this how it was supposed to feel? in the past, it hadn't felt like this. She didn't feel like she wanted to run away. Katherine took a deep breath to try and calm herself down. they seemed to notice. "are you okay?"

she nodded quickly. "I... like hanging with you too." she admitted quietly, dropping her gaze.

"thank god you don't hate me or this would be super awkward." Katherine laughed but didn't say anything. She was so nervous her hands were shaking and she was almost certain if she looked at them, she'd start crying. so moments of silence fly by. "okay- uh, well, i'll see you tomorrow? for the show." Katherine nodded a little. she wanted to speak but her words were caught in her throat, coming out as more of a mumbled agreement. but as they turned away, she finally looked up.

"wait," she called out quickly.

"what's up?"

"uh..." it feels like her heart is trying to burst out of her chest but it was now or never. This was fine. everything was fine. things always worked out in movies and isn't that what everyone wanted? A romance worthy of a movie? Fuelled by adrenaline, Katherine steps forward and presses their lips together in a feathered embrace. it's so incredibly brief, it didn't seem real but the look on their face said differently. She shouldn't have done that. "i' m sorry," she states; clearly and concisely before the panic can truly set in and the tears begin to form. "I- that, sorry," Katherine makes a getaway to the door, scrambling through her pockets in search of the key. this can't be happening. this wasn't real.

"Katherine." their voice rings in their ear but she can't bare to face them. hands shaking so much, it's a struggle to find the keyhole. "wait"

"I'll see you tomorrow," they yell back, finally managing to get the stupid door open. it's from the crack between the door as she pushes it closed, she dares to gaze upon them once more. "I- sorry." the click of the lock brings with it a weird sense of security; almost separating her from the embarrassment. Katherine falls back against the door letting each emotion settle in her stomach. a drop of water falls against her leg making her realise she was crying. She couldn't believe she just did that. it had been going so well.

Katherine does not want to go to work. she had woken up in an absolutely foul mood that would almost certainly worsen under the pressure of weird stares and playful teasing. the end of last night played over and over in her head. the last time she kissed anyone had been many years ago. the reality wasn't a movie, she couldn't just do that and expect everything to be okay. had that happened to her, she would freak out. alas if she doesn't go to work, that would be as equally embarrassing. She had to suck it up and go.

on arriving at the theatre, everything is completely normal? Of course, the theatre staff had no clue. the first queen she comes across is Catalina, she is alone in the green room making a cup of tea. Anne mentioned telling everyone about her date but if that's the case, Catalina didn't ask. nor did Anna when she bumped into her on her way to the dressing rooms. she was absolutely dreading the moment she saw Anne. Catherine walks into the dressing room humming along to whatever she was listening to. they smile at her through the mirror.

"Katherine?"

"huh?" Katherine turns to Catherine whose looking at her with furrowed brows.

"Are you okay? you seem a little out of it."

Did she really not know? "just... didn't sleep too well,"

"maybe you should take a nap," Catherine suggests. "you've got time."

"i'll be okay," Katherine insists.

"if you say so," Catherine smiles softly. "I'm definitely taking a nap after the show."

it's mostly small talk but Katherine appreciates it. it's a distraction as she gets ready for the show. during warm-ups, she spends the entire time wondering when Anne would make a comment but it never comes which is somehow worse. had they mentioned how badly it went that even Anne was taking pity on her? She was trying so hard not to think about it or think about the tech crew who were currently in the green room. they were surely in there too. she cares not to even lay her eyes upon them out of sheer embarrassment. they probably hate her now. Jane calls her out for not paying attention. she tries to focus on the task at hand. it's hard.

the show was fine. nothing was going wrong but Katherine was struggling to focus. a theatre packed with people and yet her eyes were simply drawn to them. they seemed to be doing the soundtrack for this show; a rarity that places them front and centre. unable to avoid their gaze. she doesn't know exactly what she was expecting from them but it wasn't zero reaction at all. they were being very professional unlike her.

the break between shows was spent in the green room; slumped in the corner feeling awfully tense as she picks at the salad she had brought for lunch. the other queens chat around her but hardly acknowledge her existence. She spots them immediately as they walk into the green room. slumping down in her seat in hopes of being further ignored but it's pretty clear they're heading straight toward her.

"Can I have a word?" she feels she is in no position to refuse. placing her meal aside, Katherine follows them out into the hallway. "... are we like... okay?" Katherine is unsure of how to respond. she doesn't deem it so but she nods. "then why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not." Katherine lied but what was she supposed to say? yes, I am avoiding you so if you could kindly leave me alone to wallow in my shame that would be great. that wouldn't go down well. "I just... I didn't think you'd wanna see me."

"why?" Katherine frowns. the reason was pretty obvious.

"because... y'know..." Katherine shrugs.

"Because you kissed me or because you ran away and slammed a door in my face?" there was a harshness to their tone but she couldn't blame them. She may not know what they are angry about exactly but it was justified.

"Both... I guess," her skin ran hot. a dusting of pink that was sure to express just how ashamed she felt. it was never supposed to turn out like this. why did she have to ruin everything? "I'm sorry," she mumbled quietly. that familiar speed of her heart. the anxious feeling. Katherine swallowed hard. "i shouldn't have kissed you like that. i sort of just panicked," An attempt at a storybook romance gone so terribly wrong. but what was Katherine to do when she had no good experience to draw from? she created such a distance that that craving to be close and normal had overwhelmed her. She had acted without thinking. "and I know it's like expected but then i got flustered. i wouldn't want somebody doing that to me so I just ran, it was easier-" she was rambling. a messy explanation that didn't excuse what she did. they seem to watch with an unreadable expression. "I'm just sorry for it all. I ruined everything"

"Katherine," slipped softly from their lips and they take a step forward, physically reaching out. Katherine took a step back. she felt gross. oh so slimy and gross. it was all so weird and messed up. "you didn't ruin anything."

"but-"

"Just let me talk for a second," they interrupt gently. "is that okay?" Katherine nods a little bit. keeping her gaze fixed downward. "you didn't ruin anything. I clearly did something wrong if you thought I expected a kiss."

"you didn't," she insisted quickly. "I..." she trailed off. she was supposed to be letting them talk and she couldn't even do that? no wonder they hate her now.

"I need you to take a deep breath for me" Katherine swallowed hard. "okay?" she nods once more, doing as instructed. a long deep breath followed by a slow exhale. it didn't make her feel any better. "the kiss was a surprise but I didn't hate it and I accept your apology for slamming a door in my face."

"Sorry," she repeats like it's the only word she bloody well knew. perhaps the sincerity lessens with each apology. Katherine wouldn't forgive herself. their little laugh is pleasing to the ear

"It's okay,"

"It's embarrassing,"

"yeah," they agree. Katherine just chuckles weakly.

"Look, Katherine, I like you but I don't and won't ever expect anything more from you. just going to watch a film was enough."

it didn't seem real. relationships were transactional no? She wasn't enough. She had never been enough. she knew that much. "I'm-"

"Please don't apologise again," they insist sharply. "can you just look at me, maybe?" it's taking a lot to keep her in this spot. even more to force herself to look at them. That inkling of irritation seemed nonexistent anymore. she couldn't quite place the expression on their face. "your company will always be enough, Katherine." an avalanche of emotion brings hot tears bubbling to the surface. it paired nicely with the overwhelming urge to throw up. "I know you're dying to say something, Anne,"

a chorus of laughter erupts from the green room as Anne steps into the doorway.

"I wasn't eavesdropping." she defends, folding her arms over her chest. "if you wanted to have a private conversation, maybe don't do it in the hallway right next to us."

"Okay, but you didn't have to basically have your ear to the wall."

"I think you know me better than that," Anne waves a dismissive hand. "you two are literally so cute."

"Thanks, Anne, appreciate it," their voice was clearly sarcastic. "i think we're done so you can go sit back down now."

"I'm fine here, to be honest,"

"come on," that was Anna, she basically drags Anne away. they let go of her hands with a gentle smile.

"how about we just start over?" she nods a little. "couldn't shut up before and now won't say a word,"

she puts on a small smile. "i would like that," she comments as confidently as possible. "yeah."

"perfect. I have to eat and run some checks so I'll see you later?" Katherine nods a little earning herself a chuckle. "bye Katherine."

"bye," she watched them walk away before heading back into the green room returning to her spot in the corner. she's expecting a barrage of questions but they never come. the only difference is now Anne keeps looking at her with a giddy grin. it's not long before they reappear in the green room with a sandwich.

"don't you have a job to do?" Anne hums playfully. "shows in like an hour." they just ignore Anne, coming towards her.

"I was thinking since we're both free on Friday, maybe we could do something?" they propose. "it's fine if not, I know you were looking forward to staying home but thought I'd ask."

"I would love to," Katherine replies softly,

"oh- great, uh... I'll actually plan something but don't worry it'll be like super chill."

"Okay,"

"I'd love to go out Friday, thanks for asking" Anne comments earning herself a middle finger. "so rude.

"Anne, you're working so you can't come either way,"

"I'd still like an invite,"

"Why would they invite you?" Catalina questions. With a slow groan, they just head for the door.

"I'll message you later, Katherine."

slumped in the corner, she stabs her fork into the greens of her salad. moving them around from one edge of the tub to the other. the queens all continued chatting around her, it felt like she was in a bubble. they didn't have long before the next show. she would have to go out her costume back on soon. your company will always be enough, Katherine. her company was enough. was that true? she couldn't be quite sure. years had taught her so differently, it was hard to believe. even as their voice played over and over. She still had some doubts. even as Jane insisted she was normal. she still had some doubts. even as Anne pushed her to enjoy this new life; to treat it as a second chance. she still had some doubts. but perhaps that was okay. she wasn't perfect and she never would be. it was like Jane said, her past was her past and it'd always be part of her but that didn't mean she couldn't enjoy herself. a date. a second date. in just 4 days. She was already feeling nervous but this time, it feels like a good thing because her company was enough.

#Katherine Howard #katherine howard six #six the musical #k howard #six the musical fanfiction

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apixrl · 3 years

Text

YOUR EREN.

eren jeager x fem!reader

WARNING(S): angst. slight manipulation. s4 spoilers. brief mentions of (but not actually) throwing up at the end.

word count: 5.9k

song: a soulmate who wasn't meant to be // jess benko

note(s): oh, that sound? it's just the sound of my tears whilst writing this oneshot. no biggie

The prison cells underneath headquarters were as dark and dreary as ever as you stood opposite them. Whilst the windows were generously large, the night sky was not so giving. Clouds were gloomy and blocked out the moon and stars, replacing it with a heavy downpour of rain. If you listened closely, you could pick up on the faint 'pitter patter' as droplets met the pebbled ground outside, the sound comforting compared to the echoing silence within the walls. Mattresses were placed in the corners of each cell, old and tattered after years of use by many different faces. You could only imagine their discomfort as you'd never been required to sleep on them, your record in the Scout Regiment practically a clean slate after your years of service. You were someone who took your position as a soldier seriously; respected your superiors and did as told when told.

As for Eren Jeager? It seemed in recent events he was past the point of caring.

Such a fact was blatant as you stared at him through the prison bars, your back pressed against the wall, body stiff and fearful of what would happen if you tried to step closer. Eren's gaze was terrifying to witness even from the odd angle you stared at him. His eyes locked on the ceiling as he lay flat on his back on the bed of his cell. His hair had been pulled back into a messy bun, some strands not long enough to reach so far back were fated to live a life of their own. They glued to his temples and forehead and even entwined with the strands pulled back. You couldn't decide if the look was flattering or not.

"I...," You blurted out without thought of what you planned to actually say, your pathetic attempt at making conversation followed up with a nervous whimper. Eren barely inched a muscle when you broke the quiet, from his eyes to his hands that lay lifeless at his side. He remained laid down as if you weren't even there. That made your heart weep in the worst of ways and your mind qualm - to think the last time you were together he was holding you in his arms as you gazed under the stars. And now he could barely spare you a second glance.

"It's been a while since you were last cooped up in one of these cells," You eventually tried again, calming yourself down as best you could by trying to be light-hearted. "Remember when we would play cards through the bars when I could visit? Those were fun times," You smiled sadly at the memories, eyes drifting away from Eren and towards nothing in particular. The smile then faded, the yearn to experience easier days once more hitting you as hard as stone. "If only we could experience them again,"

Your tone lowered, left unhinged since you knew mourning for what was no more was a waste of time. But you couldn't help yourself. All you wanted was to live in the past, where the titans were slane and the Scouts had reached the sea. All you wanted was to live out your days with your friends, talk and laugh with no need to worry about the rest of the world. All you wanted was to fall into Eren's embrace, to love him with all your might as he did you. There was a short period where that was your life, one filled with simplicity and peace after years of blood and death and gore that haunted your every nightmare. It had been pleasant, and you missed it. More than you were willing to admit.

If only Eren hadn't pushed things too far.

Eren's eyes shifted after a prolonged silence, travelling from the ceiling to you across the way. He was quick to take note of your vacancy, your conflict as you stared at him. How you created your own form of a jail cell by restricting yourself to the opposite side of the room. Maintaining a safe distance like you sensed you would get hurt stepping too far. Eren sighed loudly at that fact. Which caught your attention, E/C eyes flicking back to him at the sound. Eren pushed himself upright, eyes leaving you to stare at the floor before he hoisted himself off of the bed. Then, he turned to face you, searching for you through the wisps of his unkempt fringe.

You held your breath when he did, unable to fathom just how uncomfortable his gaze made you feel. Typically, Eren looking your way would send butterflies to your stomach. Your heart would perform somersaults and beat soundly with joy. Your cheeks would heat up, to which he would smile and tease and call it cute - merely deepening your flustered state like it was some fun game.

But this time, upon him meeting your gaze, nausea swiftly followed after. Rising concern over unconditional love based on his expression alone. It was empty. Unreadable. Nothing you had ever seen him display before. You had witnessed most if not all his worst moments up front but none of them - none of them, came close to just how desolately devoid he looked in that moment.

His lips didn't twitch, firmly held together as they added to his glaring aura. His brows arched sterner than Captain Levi's when you failed to clean a room up to standards, you didn't think it was possible for them to be so closely knit. But the worst part that made you truly sick to the stomach at the unfamiliarity of it all, were his eyes. Their usual bright and gleaming jade green blend that had entranced you from the instant you met Eren were now bleaker and more stationary than ever. They no longer held a zest and determination that motivated you to fight another day, no notable twinkle against the dimly lit room. Only a barren vacancy the most broken are succumbed to display.

You felt the need to comment on it, communicate to Eren just how worried you were. That you wanted to help him because you cared about him more than anyone else in the entire world. You were willing to lay your life down for him, and had even nearly become an anonymous number in the ranks because of that sheer will alone. However, before you had the chance to open your mouth, Eren beat you to it.

"Did Hange send you down here to try and sway me?" Eren asked half-rhetorically, taking a couple of steps forwards until the bars of his cell stopped him. "You of all people should know you can't stop me, so why even bother?"

You were taken back by his bluntness, even more so by his disregard for your previous words. Like you had never said them in the first place and he was the one initiating conversation. Perhaps it was so Eren felt he had the control, asserting dominance in a relationship where he already held more than half of it. His aim was unclear, but you persisted nonetheless.

"No, they didn't," You said. "I came here on my own accord, Eren," You shrugged your shoulders aimlessly. "I wanted to see you. I-I've missed you," Eren's eyes narrowed in suspicion, studying your frame for any sign indicating you were lying. He came out with no clear answer as from the instant you had set foot in the room you'd been shaking like a lamb bleating after its mother. Afraid. His arms crossed over his broad chest still in doubt, the action reminding you just how much he'd changed over the last few years. He was taller, looming over you even whilst feet apart. He was no doubt stronger, evident with or without the fact he held the power of three titans within him. Eren was no longer the vigorous and unruly boy he once was, who devoted his strength to rid the world of all the titans. He was now an indestructible force that vouched for freedom, his will to fight unshaken by no one.

"If you missed me so much," He started, looking down at you with what only felt like shame. "What took you so long to visit?" Raising a brow, you realised he held a point with his inquiry. If you proposed you missed him why hadn't you visited? The truth was you were scared of who you would find on the other side when you did. Levi and Hange had given you the option since the first day Eren was placed in his cell. But no matter the undying need to have Eren in your line of sights again, you failed to find the courage to make that final step.

"I wanted to, I-I really did," You said in a panic. "I was just scared! I didn't know what to say or how to speak to you after... after...,"

"After what?" Eren reprimanded, glowering at you as his hands wrapped around the iron bars. Your eyes widened and you whimpered, shaking your head frantically as a means to apologise.

"N-No Eren. I didn't mean it like that I just -," You swallowed thickly, your breathing quickening as Eren's pressing stare intimidated you more and more by the second. You hated how much you were falling apart. Where had your Eren gone?! Your Eren who always fretted over you during and after battles. Your Eren who grew antsy at Jean or Connie if they got a little too comfortable in your company. Your Eren who snuck into your room past curfew to share stories of his life late into the night. Your Eren who crammed his lips on yours when he couldn't hide his feelings any longer, confirming your relationship would turn from friendship to deepened love. You missed your Eren. You wanted your Eren back. Was that so much to ask?!

"You just what?" He spoke harshly, impatience riddled within every letter and syllable. You were quick to notice his grip on the bars tighten to the point you thought he'd snap them clean in two.

"I...," You trailed off, finishing your cut sentence with a defeated sigh. Your hands lowered to your sides as your head hung forwards. Perhaps being upfront with him was the only way you could go. "You killed people, Eren. Innocent people that hadn't done anything wrong! You ate somebody. Women, men and children crushed under debris like they were nothing. Y-You... you made Armin destroy that port and your decision making got Sasha killed!" You brought a hand to your forehead, not realising how distressed you sounded as you recalled that night. Tears started forming in your eyes, lip trembling. "Shit! I nearly... if Jean hadn't shot that Marley soldier first then I would've...,"

You had experienced a rocky start during the raid on Marley. One of your biggest flaws as a soldier was your will to take another life. Life as in... a human life. You despised the concept and did everything in your power to avoid it all costs, even if your fellow soldiers disagreed (especially Levi's, who persisted humans could be just as bad as titans when it came to killing). That exact flaw came forth when you first encountered a Marleyan soldier, and your hesitation almost ended with a bullet between your eyes. Had Jean not been behind you just in time... your grave would have been undoubtedly determined. There was a time where Eren was the same as you, never wanting to act and inflict harm on other humans. But times had changed since then. Oh, how you hated how much it had changed since then. None of it was fair.

A silence ensued, your stifled sobs the only thing willing to break it. Eren watched you motionlessly, the glare still apparent on his face as your emotions got the better of you. You hadn't realised just how shaken up you were from what happened. Sure, you had faced death many times, but always at the hand of titans. Where you had to evade giant swooshing limbs and teeth that could churn your flesh as cows do cud. Never had you looked another human in the eye and watched them contemplate killing you. To aim a gun directly your way and prep the shot as you realised what their intentions were. Then a feeble attempt to escape approaching death, all too distracted with your life flashing before your eyes for you to see the way out. That was one of the scariest moments of your life. You never wanted to endure it again. Never.

"Come here,"

You stiffened up, looking at Eren amidst dishevelled strands of H/C hair falling over your face. His glare had left and his face had returned to its neutral state, his eyes boring into you with his demand lingering in the air. You wiped your nose on your sleeve as well as your eyes, confused by the abrupt change in atmosphere. A truly weird circumstance and turn of events you weren't expecting indeed. At first, you weren't sure doing as Eren said was a smart idea, having heard Hange's experience with him during a debrief. You didn't believe Eren would treat you with the same sort of disrespect, but you also didn't want to take that risk just in case.

"B-But...,"

"Just do it," He roughly snapped, suspense in his tone kicking you up the hind to move. With a yelp, you pushed yourself off of the wall - back sighing out in bliss after starting to ache because of the uneven rocky surface. You gingerly stepped towards Eren, biting down on your lip to stop it trembling in fright. You came to a stop once close enough to the iron bars, hands going to wrap themselves around them, around the same ones as Eren. Whether you intended for that or it was just subconscious instinct you didn't know. Finally, your eyes dropped to the floor, lost on where to focus. Eren hummed a complacent sigh at your actions, head tilting to the side as he looked you up and down. You couldn't find an answer to what was running through his mind, blank gaze concealing all form of emotion and clarity. Then, just as you thought the silence couldn't grow any more powerful, Eren lifted his hand and reached out for you.

You gasped at the sudden contact, the feeling of Eren's hand cupping your face sending all sorts of sensations through you. His palm was warm despite the cool air of the prison cell. It was as though his hand was constructed to cradle your cheek, moulded into the perfect structure to which you filled in the empty spaces. His hand felt soft even after years of wear and tear of fighting and training, fingers long but not at all discomforting. You had forgotten just how pleasant the feel of Eren's thumb across your cheekbone was until he initiated the motion, almost a way to lure you in. And with your deprivation of his touch - of him. That was enough to have you wrapped around his finger.

"I forgot how nice it was to hold you like this," Eren declared monotonously, though his expression betrayed his lack of care. Something about it had calmed, but he didn't allow it to stay for long, gone so fast that if you blinked you would have missed it. You inhaled deeply, head tilting to the side as you nuzzled into his hand. Seeming satisfied with that, Eren proceeded. "That and just how easily you melt under my touch,"

"Eren," You uttered no louder than a whisper, eyes closing tight as you welcomed his touch. You despised how much he was correct, that you became putty without him even needing to try. That was the impact of love, after all, it makes people act in crazy ways and do some incredibly crazy things. But you couldn't ignore the odd funny feeling still pitting your gut, begging you to stop falling to Eren's will before it was too late. You couldn't get carried away, he had committed obscene criminal acts without jurisdiction. That was more than enough to get him locked up for life, regardless of the war you were fighting. You should be disgusted by his actions, his corrupted thinking and the way he went behind the Military's backs to further his own idea of freedom. You were disgusted.

But you also loved him. Way, way more than you were disgusted.

A frown merged onto your face, blending awkwardly with the once peaceful content that Eren noticed as fast as it appeared. He managed to figure out the thoughts running through your mind also, the young adult lamenting a sigh and he opened his mouth to speak. Not before his hand drifted down to your chin, tilting your head up to make you look at him. His thumb planted on your bottom lip as he grazed over it.

"I'm trying to build a future for Eldia, Y/N," Eren spoke firmly, your heart having a brief elation to the way he said your name. It had been far too long since you had heard him say it. "A future for us, where we can be free and live our lives the way we want to,"

"I know," You began, eyes opening to meet Eren's. "But there are other ways, Eren. More humane ways. We don't have to kill anymore if we just-,"

"There isn't another way," Eren interrupted, his ministrations of stroking your chin coming to an abrupt halt. "We've tried other ways and they haven't worked," Eren evaded your disheartened stare. "I'm sick of it not working,"

"We all are, Eren. Stop making out that you're the only victim here," You paid no mind to Eren's reaction. "We're all victims of this shitshow that's our reality, and we're all just as much the culprits of it as well! All w-we do is fight fire with fire and add more ashes to the pile with each person we slaughter," You felt your grip tighten on the bars, gritting your teeth harshly together. "I'm sick of all the violence and suffering! I just want to go back to the days when we could be at peace. Where we could laugh and joke because the main problem - the titans, were dealt with! I became a soldier to fight titans, not to embark on an endless war where both sides are human and neither is willing to cooperate with the other,"

"Those days are gone," Eren spoke sternly, though it softened up when he noticed you look away. "But they can return," He pressed his forehead against the iron bars, staring at you through deadened eyes. "We can live a life of freedom together once I finish what I started, all I need you to do is stay by my side and to have faith,"

Your eyes widened, gawking at Eren with complete and utter disbelief at his words. His persistence came off like the cruellest of sicknesses, corrupting Eren's mind to the point of insanity. His moral compass was in shambles as was his sense of humanity. The way his eyes were numbed right down to their pupils, blinded by his visions of a future for Eldia that came with the cost of the rest of the world's suffering. It pained you to witness such a change, to witness Eren's descent into madness as war took over his every thought and breath. Suddenly that foreign feeling in your stomach became clear as day, and you abhorred it with a deadly passion.

"I don't want to be free in a world built on other people's suffering," Your hands fell down to your sides, heartbeat racing as you avoided Eren's gaze. He quirked a brow, eyes piercing into you once he realised what you meant, and his chosen tone suggested he didn't like that one bit.

"What are you trying to say?"

You faltered, both as a mental brace and a state of refusal to your next actions. A second or so passed before you took a step back, creating a distance that did more damage than healing. With a shaky breath, you answered his question.

"I love you Eren, with everything I am. B-but I can't stand by your side if this is the path you're going to take," The tears were already brewing, doing everything you could to blink them away. "I won't sit by and watch the rest of the world crumble because of your selfish desires,"

You hated the words you were saying, how you said them and who you were saying them to. That it had all come to this, where Eren became the threat to humanity rather than its saviour. He only had so much time left and had you known that his way of spending it was to spiral the world into chaos - perhaps you wouldn't have grown so attached.

"I can't - I...," Since he hadn't said anything, you felt the urgency to speak. "Eren you have no idea how much I want to but this isn't how I saw our future -,"

"What future?" Eren persisted, not giving you a chance to reply. "Eldia has no future within the walls, these cages! It's time we give the world a taste of its own medicine, so what if a couple of lives are taken out on the way? It's not like they give a damn about ours," Eren scoffed when you shook your head, tears pricking at your eyes and the stinging sensation that came with it was painful to deal with.

"Please, Eren. Think about what you're saying," You pleaded and begged. But you knew it was no use, Eren too fixated on his 'destiny' to see logical reason. Merely the look in his eyes was proof enough to tell you that. "What happened to you? When did you become so heartless? Where's the Eren I knew all those years ago gone? Don't you miss it back then? When we weren't cheating death and we could simply be us? Be two dumb teens in love and the only thing that mattered was that love we shared? Do you even think about that anymore? About me? What about -,"

"Stop it," Eren stopped you, voice acting as a silencer to your blubbering drabble. Flinching at the interruption your mouth clamped shut, and your eyes darted for Eren in surprise. Despite locked behind bars, you were still terrified, and it felt more like you were the prisoner of the pair. With a low growl, Eren raised a clenched fist and thrashed it harshly against the bars. It made a low but loud 'thunk!' sound that hit your ears like impending doom, deafening all around you excluding that of Eren and the words he uttered next. "I'm sick of listening to you whine about shit that's not even important,"

"W-what?" You stammered in question, voice unsteady. "What do you mean it's not important?"

"Do you really think that amidst all of this I have time to be playing boyfriend?" Eren half-mocked. "I've got bigger priorities than you right now," He didn't look you in the eye, nostrils flared as his gaze lingered on the floor. Your legs nearly gave way at what you were hearing, each word a fatal stab to the stomach. Each stab even more malicious than the last. So that was it? You didn't matter anymore? Were you just some pawn in Eren's plan until he didn't feel he needed you anymore? Had his love ever been real or was it all a hoax to manipulate your every waking thought?

A minute passed of still silence, one of the many that evening. Your eyes never left Eren, searching for something to indicate he was joking. As well as contemplating pinching yourself in hopes you woke up from this horrible nightmare. Maybe you'd wake up in your Eren's arms, safe and secure as you lay beside him - his gentle breaths from deep sleep tickling the back of your neck and helping you forget the entire reason you woke up. But sadly, no such thing happened. You never woke up from anything but were instead left to face an Eren you barely knew anymore. Endure the pain as he pounded words into your head that gashed crueller than the worst of war wounds.

Realising this, you felt an urge to laugh, unsure what else there was you really could do. Crying was ineffective, and there was no way you could let Eren get the better of you. That's probably what he wanted anyway, for you to turn around and beg on your hands and knees. So as your hand met your face, you released the smallest of chuckles, lacking in humour but overwhelmed with an unforeseen emptiness. It definitely caught Eren by surprise, but he was fast to not hide it as he pressured that vacant stare onto you yet again.

"You insist your plan is the only way to get us our future, but I'm not even sure what future you mean anymore," You hesitated, trying to gain control of your lip which began to quiver erratically. "Clearly it's not the one we imagined together when we were younger,"

"If only you weren't so blinded by your emotions," Eren avoided your words, something you noticed and felt more agonised by than relieved. "Stop thinking with your feelings and see the logic, already. It's so annoying,"

Almost choking on the sob you tried to hold down, you bit down harshly on your lip - any harder and you probably would have drawn blood. You did everything you could to ignore Eren's words, but you were so hurt that you were losing the means to do so.

But you couldn't let his words consume you and manifest them into truth. You had to be strong, use whatever power you had left to regain your composure and come out the bigger person. Eren had always been a stubborn brat, Levi's nickname reigning true now more than ever.

"Use your head and think, Y/N," Eren spoke slowly, leaning his weight back onto one foot. He stretched his arm out towards you, held out for you to take. "Maybe if you stop caring for those that'll just kill you off for sport you'll actually comprehend why you're following the wrong cause,"

His words were suffocating and barbaric, not at all inspiring or persuading in the slightest. It didn't make you feel hopeful, it made you feel trapped. All you wanted was for it to stop. It wasn't love no matter how much you adored him. It wasn't healthy no matter the good memories you had shared. You had to stop the past messing with your head. You had to stop Eren messing with your head. You wanted to get out and escape. You needed to and as soon as possible. So, taking a moment to regain your composure, your hands raised to adjust the collar of your jacket and you looked over at Eren. An apologetic expression on your face for deciding to cut the visit short.

"I think I should... should go check on Armin and the others," You started, not sure what Eren would make of that. He appeared to show confusion, blinking once your words processed and frowning based on how sudden they were.

"Why would you need to do that?"

"They've been busy, and they're probably looking for me," You made up on the spot. "I didn't tell them I was coming to see you," Eren was silent, eyeing you up and down before he scoffed.

"You know I can tell you're lying, right?"

"W-Why would I lie?"

"For the same reason all people lie," Eren said. "To avoid what you're too scared to face," The way Eren spoke made everything feel much, much worse. A heavy amount of disrespect originated from this new flesh of conceit that Eren displayed on full. He had always been one to boast, but never in the form he showed in the present.

Listening to his slander any longer was something you simply couldn't handle. Not today, anyway. Fatigue was starting to claim control over your thought process, emotionally drained from talking to Eren. He had selfishly left you in a constant state of confusion and agony, making you ask yourself more questions than answering them. It utterly and totally sucked, being honest, and you had no clue where your relationship stood. Was it over? Were you still even together? Had he even seen you both as a couple this entire time or was it all just a big lie?

"So what were you trying to avoid when you spent all those months lying to us?" You were tempted to leave without another word said, but you knew you'd regret not asking your question. Which had popped into your head at the last moment as you pondered on Eren's words. Using them against you seemed to strike a nerve, as when you expected Eren to talk he did no such thing. Instead, he glared at you for being caught out, prompting your next words to follow. "I'll... I'll see you later, Eren,"

And with that, you started walking away.

You did everything in your power to not look back, focusing your gaze on the exit that was a little way ahead. Eren's stare etched itself into your back on the way out, leaving an even deeper wound than before which would probably scar for sure. Your footsteps dragged across the floor like you hauled twice your body weight behind you. Walking upstairs had never been such a demanding challenge before in your life. To think that you possessed the energy to traverse the walls but absolutely none to conquer thirteen mediocre steps.

You made it around ten steps up, just about to reach out for the door handle - when Eren's voice finally filled the room again. It brought your rushed exit to a halt with ease, much to your dismay, and what he had to say did nothing to help your situation.

"Who's to say I ever lied?"

Your heart both soared and sank at the same time, the conflict in your head skyrocketing as your thoughts drove you mad. What did Eren mean by that? Lie about what exactly? It was the way his words were always so devoid of clarity that hurt the most. The brunette was exceedingly blunt yet always left you inquiring more, prying further until it was too late. A mind game that pulled you in and kept you playing. You admittedly almost swayed.

But so close to the door, your hand wavering in the air just begging to open it - it was enough to prevent such a thing a happening. You knew if you headed back it would be the end, you would somehow get more hurt than you already had. It was a risky move you didn't want to place your bets on, you had come too far to be foolish.

So taking a deep breath you reached out for the handle and gripped it tight. You turned the knob and braced yourself to leave, blocking Eren from your mind as you lifted your foot to the eleventh step. Then the twelfth. Then the thirteenth, and finally onto the floor above the jail cells.

Closing that door behind you felt like the freshest of cleanses, your body sighing out in relief when it clicked shut.

Sadly though, you didn't have time to celebrate. The whole encounter surely caught up with you, as did the tears you had been saving for when you were finally alone. Just like they guaranteed, the hot, salty liquid singed the corners of your eyes and the tears returned. Before you could do anything, a cry broke out and you staggered until your back hit the door. The hinges jolted loudly, most likely attracting the attention of someone nearby. Whether it be a guard around the corner or one of your friends in search of your location. Maybe even Hange or Levi coming to check up on you. Whichever it was, they were in for a shock.

Your heart raced with anxiety, mind and body overwhelmed by inner turmoil that made you sick to your gut. The nausea was so bad you had to hold your stomach with your spare arm, fighting the urge to violently vomit all whilst controlling your reckless sobs that didn't cease their slander. Your vision went blurry from how much you broke down, unable to blink the tears away no matter your efforts.

Fearing the unknown had always been a part of who you were. But had somewhat simmered down as you grew older and developed mentally through being a soldier. However, all that progress reversed in an instant as your mind flashed back to the thought of Eren. How someone who used to possess so much passion now resorted to an empty vessel. The way he admitted to your insignificance with such little struggle, only to proceed to confuse you even more by implying he had never told a single lie. Was he even talking about you when he said that? Or something else completely unrelated?

A little bit of confirmation wouldn't hurt anybody.

It was odd to have Eren be the reason for your tears after so many years of him typically being the one to dry them off your face. Though thinking about it, he had been the leading cause for a lot of things as of late. The number a very concerning amount indeed. You barely even recognised him anymore. The once caring soul you fell in love with was no longer there, replaced with a man who had discovered the bittersweet lust for power based on a corrupted idealogy. Such a ruthless lust that it no longer mattered how that idealogy came to be, just as long as he managed to taste an essence of it.

You hated it. You hated that of all people it was Eren who tumbled down that drain. How did you allow yourself to fall in love with someone so possible of committing such atrocities? To worship him and give him everything you had, only to be told it was all for nothing and you were fighting a losing battle. You knew it was hopeless to hold on and believe that your Eren might return but at this rate that seemed unattainable. Not after witnessing him firsthand. The only thing left now was to move on and pray the world was on your side.

Part of you didn't want to move on though, so familiar with Eren as your crutch that a world without him sounded terrifying. You had grown so used to his presence in your life that all of this still felt so surreal no matter the fact you were very much living in it. Living in an endless hell that never allowed anyone a moment's peace. Not you. Not even Eren. Not a single human being on the planet. Nobody.

Just... where along the line had it all gone so painfully wrong?

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #eren x reader #eren jeager #eren jeager x reader #x reader #angst #eren yeager angst #eren yaegar #eren aot #eren fic #eren yeager fic

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imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 3 years

Text

Unexpected Places (Pt. 01 of 11)

Pairing: Ivar the Boneless X Reader/Bjorn X Reader

Word count: 2.8 K

Summary: As a princess, you've lived in a golden cage all your life, always a piece on someone else's game. But everything changed when the Norsemen came crushing down on Wessex, like waves in a violent storm. Their king spared your life and decided to take you with him to his kingdom, in what felt more like a rescue than a kidnapping. There, you were not only confronted with a completely different culture and lifestyle, but also with two of his sons. The oldest one has his eyes set on you, but it's the youngest one, Ivar, who gets who claimed your attention since the first sight. And he seems to have an unnamed interest in you. Of course you hoped whatever that was would pass, but when unexpected feelings start to flow a different way, things begin to change.

Next part (02)->

{Vikings Masterlist}

Sailing Into The Unknown

Walking fast, you keep up with the two Norsemen coming right behind you. Unlike the rest of your maids, who were caught hiding or trying to leave the castle, you were found in your chambers. You knew they'd find you, one way or another, and you'll have much more to gain if you keep fear and despair away from your mind.

You knew this day would come. Your father, the King, was sure of it, and so were you. The political implications of King Ecbert and King Aelle in the last years brought you to this moment. An attack was imminent, and when you were told the Vikings were once again clashing on your cost like the waves, you knew this was inevitable. The only thing you can hope now is that they'll either let you live or give you a quick death. You're a threat, that's obvious. Aethelwulf may be the heir, but you're forth in line after his two sons. And that puts you in a dangerous position.

A yelp from one of your maids gets your attention, and you give her a look. You get why they're scared. These men look like monsters to them, speaking a strange language, dressed in dark, hard material, covered in blood. And everything they were told about the Norsemen, is that they're all savages. Worse than animals, soulless. Fortunately for you, one of the few things you actually wanted to do that your father allowed was to learn the Vikings language. Ecbert taught you himself, and you feel relieved to know what they're saying.

When you reach the main hall, you're pushed to the center, near a table. The maids all stick together, trying to pull you with them as they fall to the ground, using their skirts to dry off the tears. But you stand up, looking around. The place is flooded by them, the so-called monsters. Some are chatting, laughing even. Some of them have their eyes on you and on the other ladies. There's no way to know what will happen next, but you know who's in charge here.

The legend, the man they believe to be a descendant from the Pagan god, Odin. Ragnar Lothbrok. If you want to stand a chance to get out of here alive, that's the man you need to talk to. And, as if being called, he comes from the hall, alongside two other men. He looks, at the same time, exactly how your father described, but also very different. A paradox. His eyes scan the room, and, as you make your way over him, they lay on you.

One of the men who were with him come forward, standing on your way. Looking up, you sustain his stare. “I wish to speak with Ragnar.” You say, trying not to smile at the confused expression on the man's face. Nobody here expects you to speak their language.

“Princess (Y/N).” Ragnar sings songs, and the man steps aside. He has an axe in his hand, playing with it as he comes closer to you. “I was just having a small chat with your dear father.”

“Did you kill him?” The answer is obvious, but still, you need to know. The funny expression on his face changes and he pinches his eyebrows together “My father always said that, if he had to die at all, he'd like to be killed by you.”

“Oh.” He exclaims, glancing at someone behind you. “His wish was granted.”

Nodding to yourself, you look down. You have been preparing yourself for this moment ever since the news of Ragnar's return arrived, but still, your heart sinks a little. “Alright then.” It sounds stupid to ask him to simply let you go. This won't happen. Still, you don't want to face death scared, like your maids, crying and yelling. So, standing before Ragnar, you push your hair away from your shoulders, exposing your neck. “Do it already.” With both hands on your hips, you take a deep breath.

But Ragnar doesn't move, his lips break into a smile. Slowly, he leans closer, his mouth on your ear. “What are you doing?”

“I know you'll kill me. But I don't want to go like them.” Tilting your head at your maids, you shrug your shoulders. “I don't want to be taken as a slave either. So I guess that's it, king Ragnar.” Unlike him, you keep your voice as loud as before. You don't mind being heard.

“Do you–”

Ragnar is cut off by someone's shouts. Soon enough, a man comes, being held by two of the Norsemen. When they move a little, you recognize Edward, the man you were supposed to marry in a short amount of time. He's hurt, a black eye and a wounded lip. The men throw him on the floor, and he stands on his knees. Perhaps you should pity him... But no. It may not be kind of you, but you can't pretend you feel something you don't.

“Princess (Y/N), my lady.” He mumbles, trying to get to his feet and failing. “Stay away from them.”

Ignoring him, you turn to face Ragnar again. “As I was saying, there's no other option in this situation, so you might as well get done with it.” Giving the axe a look, you raise your eyes again. “I'm ready.”

“Don't be stupid, (Y/N)! Get away from him!” Edward shouts, and you run a hand through your hair, frustrated. Even now, he still tries to tell you what to do. You're tired of being ordered around. At least in death, you want to make it on your way.

“Shut up, Edward!” You burst out, moving to stand a few feet away from him, talking in his language since, of course, he wouldn't even dream of learning the pagans tongue. “It's over, don't you see it? We're both dying today, and honestly...” Now, you can say it. You can finally say it, and you can't help but smile. You'll be dead in a minute, but you never felt so... Free. “I'm happy my fate is to die by the Vikings... That's far better than marrying you.”

When you're done talking, Edward jerks forward, too fast, managing to grab your arm with one hand and hitting your face with the back of the other. You taste blood on your mouth, falling to the ground, but easily pushing yourself back up as the Norsemen pull him back, away from you. “You little whore!” He tries to set free, but it's useless. A laugh escapes your lips. “I'm so glad you'll die today. I'm so glad you'll join your devil of a father.”

With a hand on your jaw, you stare at him, shaking your head lightly. “You call then savages, but you were the only one in this room to hit me.” Turning away from him, you return to where Ragnar stands, watching the whole commotion. “So, king Ragnar?”

You can tell he's thinking. About what, you have no idea. From what you've heard, they don't need much thought before killing someone. “I could kill you right here, princess, but this speech you just gave got me interested.” Pacing around you, he swings his axe, resting it on his shoulder. “My wife, a former princess herself, might actually like you.”

“Aslaug?” A man says, and Ragnar looks at him. Following his gaze, you see a man with blond, dirty hair, pulled back in some kind of braid. “She hates Christians. I don't see how she'll like this one.”

“Well, I've never seen a Christian act like this. Have you, Bjorn?”

“No.” The man admits, eyes finally meeting yours, just before you look away from him.

“Well, my wife has been pissing me off lately, so anything that might distract her for a bit sounds like a good idea to me.” He speaks slow, and some people laugh. “So, Princess (Y/N). I will let you chose your fate.” He's back at your face, looking down at you. “Would you rather come with me to Kattegat, or would you rather die here, with your crying maids?”

Giving the women a look, you weigh the odds. Death is final, the very end. Life is full of possibilities... But are you willing to risk it? “Would you keep me safe? I mean...” Gesturing at the other men, you sigh. “I'm sure you understand what I mean.”

“Nobody touches the princess,” Ragnar yells, his voice echoing through the walls. “Is that enough?” He asks you in a much lower voice.

“I guess it is.”

That said, he walks away. Following him with your eyes, you see as he stops by Bjorn. Bjorn Ironside, his oldest son. His name is also well known here. Ragnar tells him something before disappearing, and his son gives you a look. It doesn't take long for you to understand Ragnar told Bjorn to keep an eye on you, since, as you walk down the beach to the boats, Bjorn silently walks beside you, like a bodyguard. He helps you climb up on to the boat, a strong hand on your waist, pushing you up.

When you finally start sailing, you get an idea of their army. Too many boats, filled with far too many warriors. You can't help but make your way to the back of the boat, watching as your home grows distant. But calling it home is a compliment. This was just somewhere you lived, surrounded by people who always expected something of you. Where you were forced to act a certain way, just because you were unlucky enough to be born a princess.

What's coming now, is completely unexpected, unforeseen. If anyone ever told you you'd be sailing away from Wessex, in a Viking boat, you wouldn't believe them. But the feeling that really gets to you, leaving you utterly perplexed is that you feel... Good. Free, even. You can't even count how many times you desired you could just disappear, leave everything behind and go somewhere entirely new. Maybe you're crazy, your mind completely lost already, but you somehow find joy in it. In sailing away, into the unknown, with the very people you were taught to hate and fear.

But this is far better than what your future was holding back there. An unhappy marriage with a disgusting man. This is far better.

Days after you left Wessex, a violent storm starts falling at daybreak. The rain comes lightly at first, but by the moment you stand up, it starts pouring. One of Ragnar's friends, named Floki, stays on the edge of the boat, holding on tight with one arm, the other stretched out. He's laughing, saying things you don't quite understand the meaning of. It's about Thor, and Odin, and othter of their gods. He seems unaffected by the crashing waves. Stumbling, you leave the protection of this dark fabric they hanged above the ship, getting on your knees next to Floki. You don't know what's soaking you, the rain, or the waves, high enough to hit the boat.

“Hear this, Princess?” Floki yells, trying to make himself heard above the deafening sounds. “This is–” A huge wave hits both of you, and Floki almost falls back. But he regains his balance, laughing even louder.

“Will the boat sink?” You ask him, yelling at the top of your lungs. “I can't swim! If we sink, I'll drown.”

“So will I,” Floki answers, glancing at you before turning his attention back at the ocean. This makes you burst into laughter too because you never thought someone who can't swim would face the waves like this.

“(Y/N)!” Someone calls, and you turn around, pushing wet hair away from your face. Bjorn comes your way, grabbing both your arms and helping you stand up. “What are you doing here?”

“She's mesmerized by the powerful waves!” Another wave, hitting both you and Bjorn as well. You're knocked down, your back against Bjorn's chest. But despite the sting you fell on your leg, Floki's laughter makes you giggle. These people are crazy. Nobody on Wessex would be this happy, this carefree in such a storm.

“Come.” Bjorn pulls you with him, back to the safety of the handmade roof. He helps you settle down, and as he does, you lock eyes with him. You've never seen blue eyes like this. “Stay out of the rain.”

“Floki is in the rain. Why can't I?” You snap back, not really enjoying the bossy tone.

“Let the girl have her fun, Bjorn.” You recognize Ragnar's voice, and you find him rowing, trying to keep the boat moving despite the violent waves. There's an empty seat beside him, so, pushing yourself up, you make your way there.

“Mind if I help?”

“If you think you can.” He breathes out, and you nod, grabbing the oar. “Keep it steady... Push, then pull.” He tells you, and you mimic his movements. The thing is heavy, and it takes only a few seconds for your arms to start hurting. But you keep up, ignoring the looks you're getting. No woman would be allowed to do such thing in Wessex. So you're enjoying it, even though you're strength is nothing compared to the rest of them.

When the heavy clouds are blown away, and the sky is once again blue and serene, you bend over the edge of the boat a little, just to better see where the ocean meets the sky, on the horizon. The chaos was replaced by a low chattering, laughter, and giggles. You're mostly on our own, not really speaking to anyone but Ragnar. He's a curious man, and he's curious about you. You're not sure why though.

“Here.” A voice makes you turn around, sitting down. Bjorn offers you a cup of water, which you take and drink after muttering a ‘thank you’. When you give him the empty cup, you wait for him to walk away so you can resume your horizon watching, but instead, he settles down beside you, letting out a heavy breath. “We'll reach Kattegat in a few days.”

“Finally.” You burst out, playing with the tips of your hair. “Sick and tired of this boat already.” Chuckling, you glance at him. He's already staring. “So... Bjorn Ironside. What are you doing talking to a Christian? People here don't really seem to be fond of me.”

“The truth is they're trying to figure you out.” Bjorn lowers his voice, and your eyes scan through the men. “Ever since you stood up with your neck exposed to my father's axe.”

It doesn't seem much of a big deal to you. “I just didn't want to die like those other girls. Whining and crying.” Shrugging your shoulders, you sigh. “I mean, I really thought there would be no other way, so I'd face death with some dignity.”

“Don't tell anyone I said this but...” He leans closer until you feel his breath on your ear. “You kinda sounded like a Viking right now.” Then, he stands up and leaves, back to his chores.

You're confused, to say the least, but you guess that was a compliment coming from a Viking himself. Taking a deep breath, you move to where you were, staring at the calming waves.

And Bjorn was right. Eight days after, you're arriving at Kattegat. The many boats stop at the decks, and yours is one of the first. There's a sea of people here, waiting for their loved ones. As you step out of the boat, you don't really know where to go. Everyone is hugging, kissing, telling about the successful raid. You just start walking then, following the flow until you feel someone grabbing your arm. “This way,” Bjorn says, tilting his head at where his father is going. “He wants to introduce you to Aslaug.”

The Queen who hates Christians. Great.

The main hall of Ragnar's house is full. First, he talks to the people, telling them everything they took, everything they found. There's a huge fire in the center, flames reaching high. You're at the corner, half-hidden behind Bjorn's shoulder, eyes flying through the place. You quickly recognize the Queen, seated on a chair beside Ragnar. She's very pretty, dark hair cut off to her shoulders. But she looks... Bored. Very uninterested in this.

By her side, close to the floor, you find a pair of eyes set on you. It takes you by surprise since you weren't expecting anyone to find you among all the people. But he did. Ragnar told you a little about him. His youngest son, Ivar, the Boneless. The cripple. It's not hard to recognize him, but your eyes don't search for his deformity. They're locked on his face, trying to read it, trying to understand why he won't look away.

Suddenly, everybody standing in front of you moves, creating a passage that leads to the very center of the hall. Glancing at Bjorn, you see when he gestures for you to go. And so you do, stopping only when you're standing before Aslaug. She doesn't seem very happy about it.

“And who this might be?” She asks, taking a sip from her cup.

“This is King Ecbert's daughter, princess (Y/N).” Ragnar answers. “She has some spirit, so I thought she'd make a good friend for you since you too were a princess once.”

“A Viking princess.” She snaps, looking you up and down.

You should probably say something, but what? The woman doesn't like you, and why would she? The big question now is what will happen to you next.

“(Y/N) isn't like the other women,” Bjorn speaks up, and you give him a look. He's pacing around, playing with a knife. “While her maids were sobbing and begging for their lives, she stood before Ragnar, accepting her fate. I've never seen one of their women do anything like that.” You don't get why he's doing this. Probably Ragnar's orders, or something like that. “She even helped with the oars when a storm reached us, after staying on the edge with that crazy ass Floki over there.” He gestures at the man, who loudly giggles.

“And what does this all mean?” Aslaug breathes out, clearly annoyed.

“Why don't you give her a chance, wife?” Ragnar sits back on his chair, taking Aslaug's hand. “Talk to her, see if there's anything in common and if you don't like her, well... I can send her to live with Lagertha.”

“Who's Lagertha?” You mutter, to nobody in particular.

But the name makes Aslaug sigh, and she stands up, putting the cup down. “Fine then. Come with me.”

With no other choice, you follow her inside. But on your way, you walk by Ivar, who's holding a clutch. You try hard no to, but your eyes find him nevertheless. He quickly looks away, and you keep walking, deciding not to give it much thought. He probably despises you like most of the people here.

Aslaug has some slaves prepare you a warm bath. And, much to your dislike, she stays in the room as you take off your clothes and step inside the tub. But it doesn't take long for you to relax as one of the girls starts washing and brushing your hair.

“Did you sleep with my husband?” The question comes with an angry voice, and you're not sure what startles you more. The anger or the question itself.

“Of course not.” She gets on your sight, pacing around.

“Do you want to sleep with my husband?”

Then, it clicks. She thinks Ragnar brought you here because he desires you. And that's a very dangerous thought for a Queen to have. “No, I don't.” Resting both your arms on the edges of the tub, you look up at her. “And even if he wants to sleep with me, I won't accept it. That's not the reason why I'm here.”

“And why are you here, so far from home, little princess?” She doesn't sound like she actually wants to know, but you get the feeling that this time you can actually say the truth. Here, there's no reason to keep it hidden, locked in. You can say how you feel about everything, even the things that could've got you imprisoned or even dead in Wessex.

“I'm willing to tell you if you're willing to listen, Queen Aslaug.”

At first, there's silence. But then, Aslaug drags a chair, placing it near the tub before sitting down. “Well, since I have nothing better to do at the moment, let's hear it.”

@multific @revolution-starter @crackhead1-800 @youbloodymadgenius @clown-boyyy @kitten0394 @castielsangelx-blog @goldlion07 @alwaysadreamingoptimist @midnightmystic

#ivar the boneless imagine #ivar imagine #imagine ivar #ivar vikings #ivar the boneless #ivar x reader #ivar the boneless x reader #vikings x reader #imagine vikings #vikings imagine #bjorn imagine #Bjorn x reader #ivar fanfiction #ivar the boneless fanfiction #Vikings #vikings fanfiction

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natromanxoff · 3 years

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Queen live at The Forum in Inglewood, CA, USA - September 15, 1982

Photos supplied by: Bill Cordero

(x)

This is the final concert Queen would ever play in North America. The tour was ultimately not nearly as successful as previous outings. Four nights at the LA Forum had become two. In a 1999 interview with Mojo magazine Roger Taylor recalled, "I remember suddenly realising that we weren't packing them in quite as much as we used to."

According to this review, Staying Power was played on the last night.

Billy Squier, who has opened for Queen at every show on this tour, joins them in the encore during a one-off version of Jailhouse Rock, adding vocals. Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting is also played before Bohemian Rhapsody for the last night's sake.

A bit of video from this show exists. The band are seen going through the corridor to the stage to begin the concert, and Michael Jackson is with them (thanks to Julien Cohen for the link).

Currently, recordings commonly labelled as being from one or both of these Los Angeles dates are from one of the umpteen bootlegs of the Fukuoka '82 shows. Genuine audience tapes and even an 8mm film are rumoured to exist (most likely due to the historic nature of this show), but have never been confirmed.

The concert pictures, snapped by Robert Matheu, are from Phil Sutcliffe's excellent book, The Ultimate Illustrated History of the Crown Kings of Rock.

Here are a few more pro pics: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Reflecting on this tour, Squier had some kind things to say about Freddie Mercury. "He loved to perform. I think all the words about how great a performer he was have been used up. I just used to stand and watch him every night thinking, 'How do you do that? Just how do you get away with it?' It was the onstage Freddie that was most fearless. He believed in what he and the band were doing so much. He never projected the slightest fear or self-doubt and that just swept the audience along with him. He just knew that the show was going to work. He was made for the stage. His sense of theatricality was the key, and it was a key which so very few other rock performers have at their disposal."

About a week after this show, Brian May was interviewed for the January 1983 issue of Guitar Player magazine. Here are some excerpts:

"We used to do the song 'Son and Daughter' on stage, and the solo section in the middle of that became what was in 'Brighton Rock'. After 'Brighton Rock' was recorded, that solo evolved a lot more. One facet of it was the way it is on the live album, but it's changed a lot since then. Sometimes we've dropped it because I felt I got stale. I don't like to do exactly the same thing two nights running. That should be a time when you can do something different. Now we don't do "Brighton Rock" anymore, so it's gone full circle. In the beginning, the solo was there and the song was around it. And now the song's gone and the solo's there.

"It's just a delay machine set on one delay rather than a multiple, so it's not a sort of echo effect. It's one line coming back at you. I have two delay machines, so I can do three-part harmonies with that: I can play alone - maybe two or three notes - and then it comes back and I can play along with it. And then it comes back again and there are three parts. The delays are mostly about one and a half seconds. A lot of things can happen: You can play in synch with what comes back and make the harmonies, or you can play chords and then single notes on top to get a playing-in-rhythm effect. You can also do various kind of counterpoints. Sometimes they work. It all depends on whether I can hear myself well. If it's a good night and I can really hear well, I can do things that demand very close timing. On this tour I've been experimenting with steps which are not exactly on the beat: so when it comes back at you, they are in a different place each time. I found I could do all sorts of strange things with that, just making them mesh in a different way.

"I've thought it was obsolete many times. We've thrown it out. We haven't done it every night on this tour. But somehow it seems to creep back in there. It's weird. I did it for years, and nobody would talk about it. And then when I threw it out, people said, "Hey! How could you do that?" On this tour we did some special things with the lights. We had t hose pods which can fly about, and I used to do a little battle with those. That gave it a new lease on life. People would tend to notice that. As opposed to not saying anything, they would say, "I like the lights in the solo [laughs]." I've found that people seem to appreciate long solos more on this tour than they did before. I think a lot of people thought our material was veering too far away from the heavy side, and they thought the solo stuff redressed the balance to a certain extent.

"I didn't feel that this tour was making me very happy. I've often felt that in the studio, but that's the first time I felt it on tour. I didn't feel happy until the last concert. The last night in L.A. I felt quite cheered up. I was prepared to think, "Well, I don't really want to do this anymore." Somehow when it got to the last one, Freddie was really on form and giving a million precent, and I felt that it was going well. So the end of the tour finished on a good note for me. I felt like I did want to be out there doing it again sometime. But we are going to have a long rest." [Of course, after the six shows in Japan next month.]

Back in 1977 Brian was quoted saying, "We've always thought it was wrong to regard a tour purely as a promotional exercise, because some people have done that, and gone out and slogged away at the hits and the new album, and I don't think that makes for good touring." Maybe that's at least partly the reason why he didn't enjoy himself this time around.

(x)

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon #queen concerts

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acciocriativity · 3 years

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You and Me II || Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin/Reader

Summary: After years at Hogwarts, your life would really begin and nothing could be better than to start this new phase with your official birthday party, but the next day does not turn out quite as expected.

Warnings: For those who haven't read the first part yet, Tom Riddle is not Voldemort in this fic. The first wizard war was against another wizard but its consequences are still valid! Just pure fluff and an implied bit of smut.

Word Count: 3,0k

A/N: This is obviously the part two of You and Me, but it’s not necessarily related, so you can just read this one as a one shot but the first part gives you a lot of context for this, ok? ok then. (Happy really early Birthday Katie! I'd like to post this on your bday but I was too anxious for this. Hope you like it!)

Part I

04/27/1997

"You're really not well, how can a person be in this state when their birthday is so close? I've tried to understand and still can't", the brunette's bored voice made itself present in the room for the 4th time in the day and as I prepared my answer, she held up her hand and delivered her own hypothesis first. "You can't be sad that we're finishing seventh year, I swear for Merlin's sake, if that's the case, I'll...", the words slipped slowly from her mouth, as did the calmness remaining in her.

"Even though anything you have to say sounds like a lot of fun, it's not the case. I really want to start my own life, have my own job and all that. I'm just thinking a lot lately, too many things have happened, we've all changed so much", I didn't bother to look at her, still focused on the ceiling painted like a blue summer sky and she didn't mind asking permission to lie next to me on the bed.

"We had to grow up eventually, although some took too long, in fact, I can point out for sure that half the boys still act like kids", we both laughed until our bellies ached.

"Well, good for us then because Draco and Blaise are not on that list and don't even dare look at me like that, you know he's changed a lot", I heard her amused giggles and already imagined what was coming.

"I wasn't even going to say anything this time, it's really impressive how you just stick up for him, I hope it's the same with me", I frowned and looked at her as if she was out of her mind, and there were chances she really was. "Since when do you need protection from someone?".

"I never said I needed it, but it's nice to know I have it", she shrugged without looking me in the eye and I decided it would be better to change the subject, because nothing good ever comes out of a Pansy, who is unseasy in any sense.

"So, about your...," she started. "Pansy, what do you…”, I said at the same time, but I just smiled and waited in silence for what she had to say.

"I was going to ask about your parents, you're going to have to live with them in a month, so how are you feeling about that?", she just glanced at me.

"That's been going through my mind, I have no idea what it's going to be like but it's going to be better than anything that's happened in the past, that's enough for now", I sighed.

"You know you can come to my house, right? You can hide there", I agreed with a smile and we continued in a comfortable silence.

04/29/1997

7:30 A.M.

On the morning of my birthday, I woke up in the best possible way. The warmth emanating from Draco's body and the thick blanket kept me unfazed by the freezing wind coming in through the window. I didn't want to move and I didn't need to.

I sighed satisfied with the position I was in, curled up under the blanket hugging the blond's bare torso, with no responsibility or obligation other than to enjoy my day.

"Morning, love", his arms pressed me tighter against him, I could feel his calm breathing and somehow, I felt calmer too.

I left a few kisses on his bare skin and the goosebumps they caused on him made me break out into a little smile. "Good morning, love", I whispered leaning back against him.

"Come here, let me give you a proper happy birthday", he gave my hair a quick pat and lifted my chin to look at him.

As soon as I crawled closer to him, his arms entwined around my waist and pulled me even closer.

"Happy birthday my love", he left several little kisses on my face and neck before moving to my lips, but our moment was interrupted by a noise on the window.

A gray owl incessantly beat its beak on the window pane, we looked at each other, neither of us wanted to get up, but it would be too cruel to leave the poor thing waiting there.

"It's my birthday, I have the right to ask you to go", I gave a brief kiss on his lips before letting him go to the war field.

I stayed warm while he opened the window further so that the owl could get through, as well as the icy wind.

He rushed back to my side in time to see me tear the seal off the letter I received.

"It's from my parents, they are really working hard this year. I have to admit that", I told him as I scanned the paper.

"At least they realized what a great daughter they have, she's a little mean but still great", I was too busy reading the letter to notice his cunning and more icy than usual hands pass around me.

I jumped out of bed as I felt the shock of our skin contact and he had the audacity to laugh, I had to control myself too much not to grab my wand.

"Draco Lucius Malfoy, you are dead now", I climbed into bed with my pillow, ready to fight.

20:00 P.M.

A few hours later, I was getting ready for the party in the Slytherin common room, everyone was invited since after this stressful year, a party would be nice and I couldn't physically kick anyone out.

I was barely concentrating in my makeup, Nala was running back and forth between my feet wanting attention and I couldn't give it to her or for the next few hours, no matter how much it broke my heart.

"For Merlin's sake... Nala! Sit!", it saddened me to see that she obeyed but still wanted to come running to me, that deserved a good reward.

I fed her one of her favorite cookies and petted her shiny fur before going back in front of the mirror. I checked several times to make sure I was ready.

"See you later my love, mma will be back soon", I waved to her and went downstairs before I gave in.

There were already a lot of people when I arrived, the new song by The Weird Sisters was so loud that Pansy didn't hear me, even though I called out 2 times as she passed by on the other side of the room.

As I made my way through, many friends stopped to congratulate me and also to chat a bit, by the time I realized what I was supposed to do, more than 10 minutes had passed.

"Have you guys seen Pansy? I was looking for her", I said before turning my own glass of buttered beer over and leaving it in Tom's hand. "See you guys later", my eyes were glued on the blond guy standing in the corner and in less than a second, I was walking towards him.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!", I heard his indignant voice but ignored it along with all the other people, who tried to talk to me on my way to him.

"You know, the delay is only elegant because it doesn't last more than 5 minutes", he was smiling even though he hated tardiness.

"Maybe for most people, a queen is never late love, the others were too early. Especially when it's her birthday", I stopped in front of him. "You haven't given me my present yet, I'm waiting", I pointed to my own lips.

He chuckled and looked at me for a few seconds before he said something, even with the lights flashing I could still see the twinkle in his eyes, which still reflected mine equally.

"Are you asking this as a gift around too?", his smile widened as did mine, he took a step closer.

"Does that mean you're not going to give it to me? I had high expectations for this one in particular", something in his gaze changed, I could clearly tell but it was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"That particular one can wait, right now, I have my main gift", he took his hands off his back and in them was a green velvet median box with silver details.

I was almost breathless just admiring the package once it was in my hands. To top it off, a green silk bow and I had the impression that he had made it himself.

When I opened it, my jaw dropped. A silver necklace with an emerald heart carefully displayed in the box.

"Draco, you really didn't have to give me something expensive", he didn't answer me, instead took the necklace and helped me put it on.

"It seemed like an appropriate gift, now that we will no longer be living by Slytherin rules, it’s a nice way to say goodbye", I didn't think twice before I kissed him.

"I love you, I'll never get tired of saying that", I whispered between kisses. "You won't forget that, right?", I sighed as he brushed his lips across the skin of my neck.

"I have no reason to forget love, I...", we were interrupted by a forced cough behind me.

"Why don't you two just go into a room? No one has to see this scene", Blaise's unmistakable voice sounded and I felt my boyfriend giggle, not moving out of position.

"You can go after your girlfriend instead of getting in our way, wouldn't that be a brilliant idea?", I didn't see what happened, but a nice answer wouldn't be."So where were we honey?", he raised his eyes to meet mine.

"We better save that for the end of the party love, wasn't that your idea?", I pulled away from him and took his hand. "You have a whole party to enjoy."

"I already regret that decision, thanks for reminding me", he mumbled that and a few other things I couldn't hear.

07/01/1997

7:00 A.M.

"I still can't believe this is our last breakfast at Hogwarts", Astoria commented amidst the silence that had formed at our table.

"I still can't believe it's really over, it seems like any minute now I'm going to wake up and be back in third year", Pansy added.

"Well, I hope you'll make better decisions if you go back there tonight. No one forgot the hair Pan", my remark made everyone laugh for the first time in the day, a bit of pride grew inside me.

"Just because Hogwarts is over doesn't mean we're going to split up. None of you have any right to be this down today", Theo said and I was forced to smile as was everyone else.

"I was glad to be rid of you, at no point I was sad," Blaise muttered but we could all hear him and we all laughed once again.

8:00 A.M.

"What are you thinking?" he was with his eyes closed leaning against the train window, but I knew he wasn't asleep.

"How familiar everything here is, the worn leather of the seat, the smell of candy in the hallway and of trees coming in through the window. Other things will be familiar 7 years from now, it's just weird to think about it," he continued in the same position but held out his hand to me.

"That's true but I feel better knowing that we will continue to be each other's constant," I intertwined our fingers and we continued like that until we arrived.

11:00 A.M.

"It's time for the gifts, we prefer to give you personally. I believe you will like it", my mother said as soon as we sat down on the couch in our living room.

I smiled not knowing how to respond, since I usually got the same thing every year, money or more paint, and I was pretty sure they didn't choose in person.

"Go ahead, open it. We decided to give two separate presents this year, the pink wrapping is mine and the purple one is your father's", the two boxes were right next to me on the couch, so why was I hesitating so much to pick them up?

A lot was going on in my head, they have changed a lot in the last year but why? I could be dreaming of the ideal day, but no dream was as vivid as this one.

I took a deep breath and opened the pink first, I expected to find anything but my stuffed bunny, he was washed and clean, different from how I remembered, but still the same.

"I thought I lost or tore it a long time ago", I managed to say as I hugged him like one who finds an old friend, but he was beyond that.

"He was really in a rough state, but I was able to fix him. It was in one of the boxes in the basement, remember how you got it?", I agreed again, a wave of memories washed over me.

My parents had just arrived home from a business trip, it was the first time I had been alone at home without them.

"Mommy, Daddy!", I ran down the stairs as fast as my little legs would allow and threw myself into my father's arms, not caring about his wet coat, which soon became even wetter. "You promi-promised that you would be back soon”.

"Oh my love, something unexpected has happened. We were never going to leave you alone for so long," her hands wiped away my tears and took me in her lap. "So, for you never have to be alone again, we brought a little friend, he will always keep you company when we have to leave."

That wasn't enough to calm me down but it made me curious enough to stop crying, I didn't have any friends before that.

I hurried to open the other package but there was only an empty picture frame with no photo inside.

Before I could open my mouth to ask for an explanation, shapes began to appear from the black background.

I recognized the picture, me still a baby in my mother's arms and my father behind her, hugging us both but as soon as I blinked, it was gone.

Another picture formed in its place, I was older, about two or three years old, this one I had never seen. I was on my mother's lap holding a drawing that I had made and possibly looked terrible.

More pictures appeared and disappeared but I didn't wait to see them all at that moment.

"I loved these gifts...thank you Mom and Dad," I made a great effort to hold back the tears as I hugged them both. "They are the best presents I have ever gotten."

23:00 P.M.

"What are you two doing out there at this time of night?! Draco, have you been drinking now?", Narcisa gave us another stern look before opening the door and shoving us inside.

We walked in almost tripping over the living room rug, laughing at each other, to the point where tears formed in our eyes.

"Shhhhhh, my dad must be working... uhhhhhh, he's not going to like this, u-um," his hand covered my mouth.

I pushed his hand away from my face. “Me?Shut up? You're practically screaming you idiot!".

"You two, I don't want another peep out of you. Come up quietly. Your father doesn't like to be interrupted," she whispered, but it was enough for us to agree without hesitation.

"Yes, Captain, I mean, ma'am," he pulled me up the stairs before her patience ran out.

07/02/1997

14:00 P.M.

"What do you mean, you don't remember what happened?", the blond was clearly trying hard not to laugh and I sighed, still under the blanket.

"I don't remember Draco, did your mother really not hate me? I can't believe we came here...", even though no one was watching me, I started to blush, or was it just the fever? There's no way to be sure now.

"That could never happen, she made sure to request your favorite tea. Now get out of there before it gets cold", he tried to pull on my blanket but I used all the rest of my strength not to let him.

"Noooo, out there that's too cold. Come here, it's too cold for you too", I took one of my hands from the comfortable warmth to pull him to me. "You didn't have to get up so early to get this", I whispered but soon after started coughing.

"There must be a potion to help you, I'll just get it and then...", he was ready to get up from the bed but I didn't let go of his arm.

"I just want you, please stay here? The elf will bring it anyway", before he could protest, I covered him with the blanket. "You're not well either, let's just lay down for now".

He opened his mouth to deny it again but all that came out was a sneeze, after this he just gave up and lied down too. We were both screwed but at least we were together, right? I tried to think positive.

[ @x-dratie-x @fa-me]

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#harry potter fanfiction #fred weasley #harry potter #george weasley #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy masterlist #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy smut #tom riddle #blaise zanbini #pansy parkinson #ron weasley #hp fanfic

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boxofbadaddiction · 4 years

Text

All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You

Song Inspired

Fred Weasley x Reader

George Weasley x Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: Sexual References. Swearing. War. Angst with a happy ending.

War was fast approaching. People were running scared, others disappearing at random. Everyone was on edge and looking for something, anything, to bring comfort. Something to distract themselves, even if only for a moment, from the horror of their reality.

For [Y/N] and Fred, that comfort was found in one another.

The night before the battle saw members of the Order organising, coming together to discuss possible strategies in the fight to come. Following a particularly gut wrenching speech from Lupin about "preparing for the inevitable", which everyone knew from the look of his eyes he meant the unavoidable deaths that will occur, the room fell silent.

Fred and [Y/N] turned their attention to one another as if in slow motion. Frightened and teary-eyed expressions mirrored by the other. It was the first time she had ever seen him so vulnerable. As members began to disperse Fred reached his hand out for her to take. Not a word was spoken as the two ascended the staircase of the home currently being used as Headquarters for the Order, finding refuge in a room Fred had occupied for the past three nights.

Releasing her grip on his hand [Y/N] entered the dimly lit space first as Fred closed the door gently behind him, leaning his weight back against it. He watched her as she turned back to meet his gaze.

[Y/N]s chest began to rise and fall as panicked breaths took over, shoulders shuddering as tears pooled in the corner of her eyes. Appearing as the embodiment of sorrow itself. Freds head fell to the side sadly as a defeated breath escaped his throat. Heart aching at the sight.

In an instant the two were closing the space between them, lips crashing in a frantic kiss. His hands came to the nape of her neck and hers bunched in the fabric of his shirts collar.

Tongues entwining hungrily as their hands began to roam the others body, discarding various articles of clothing in their wake.

Slowly stepping backwards [Y/N] began blindly leading them towards the bed, stopping momentarily to kick away their pants that'd slung around their ankles.

Fred seized the moment to take control, lifting [Y/N] with a firm grip to her ass from the ground. Her legs immediately wrapping around his waist and arms wrapping around his neck. Fred collapsed the pair onto the bed hovering mere millimetres above her as they proceeded to rid the other of their final items of clothing.

Freds mouth traced her entire body as if mapping her every detail with his lips.

Their bodies entwined and writhed together in perfect sync. Soft moans, gasping breaths and declarations of love filled the thick air. They cherished every movement, every taste and sound shared by the other as if they had an eternity to do so. Though it very well felt like nothing more than borrowed time.

That night suddenly seemed like a lifetime ago as [Y/N] stood pale and cold before the gathered Weasley family who mourned the loss of their son, brother and best friend. Whilst she denied the fate of her lover laid before her.

Soft gasps and declarations of her lost love were the only sounds to peirce the thick polluted air as she crumpled in front of his body. Tears pouring from her eyes at the sight.

The moment replayed in her mind every second of her days. His lifeless form plaguing more than just her dreams. It plagued her entire existence. It was too much to bare. Not knowing where to turn next [Y/N] responded in the only way she could think to.

She ran.

There was nothing left for her there. Nothing but heartache and pain and the tormenting memory of what had once been. She left for her home country, with no intention of ever returning.

But fate had other ideas.

11 years later found [Y/N] wandering the streets of Diagon Alley. It was just as it always had been, before the war. Shops bustling with the life of families searching for their various books and essentials for the beginning of a new school year. She were delighted to see so many of the original stores that were destroyed during the second war restored to their former grandeur. As she strolled through the crowed street gazing through the display windows, she was brought back to her old days. Back to all those school years when she'd come to collect her books and supplies. Mind running with itself through the many memories of her youth blissfully unaware of the busy bodies of people around.

Until...

"[Y/N]?!" a tall redheaded man barrelled through the street towards her.

"George?!" She found herself suddenly wrapped tight within his arms, it felt just like it always had. It felt warm and safe. Like being home. [Y/N] hadn't seen him since the war. She hadn't seen anyone. Right now she were struggling to see reason why, well more how, she'd stayed away. God, had she always missed him this badly?

"What are you doing here?" [Y/N] asked, finally breaking the hug though somewhat reluctantly.

"Well, the shop's back up and running so I'm living down the street again. It's my day off though so I'm out scoping for new ideas." He said smiling. "But what about you? I haven't seen you in years now suddenly you're here, what gives [Y/L/N]?" He playfully pushed her shoulder.

"I'm shopping. No better place to after all" the girl winked.

Laughing he kept looking at her like she'd come back from the dead. Though given the way she had disappeared after the Battle I guess to him it was like she had.

"Merlin, there's so many questions on my mind right now. Just...oh God, how have you been? Where Have you been!?" His eyes were searching her face. For what, she didn't know.

"Oh ah...well I mean, I've been okay. I moved back home after...everything." her expression was solem at the memory of the war. His, sympathetic and understanding.

"Ya know" he took a step closer to his old friend "last I checked that 'home' you always talked about was in a different bloody country! So you obviously aren't here just 'shopping'." She was unable to control the blush which spread across her features, brought on by the mischief he had painted over his face, trying to goad the truth from her. She bit her lip trying to hold back a smile. Damn that Weasley charm!

"So, come on, don't keep me hanging here. What have you been up to?"

"Well actually I ah..."

"MUM!"

Both turned in the direction of the call from a young boy, one with incredible [Y/E/C] eyes and firey red hair.

"MUM! did you see they have the new Windbreak on display in Quality Quidditch Supplies!?"

"No, I didn't sweety" she could feel Georges eyes on the both of them but was too scared to face him. Knowing the question that was going to be on his face when she did.

"Can I go to the Magical Menagerie now to pick my Owl?"

"Of course. I'll meet you there shortly, be safe."

The boy hurried off through the busy crowd once more. Disappearing from sight.

[Y/N] turned slowly back to see George staring after her son. Mouth agape, twitching slightly as he tries to find the words to say something. Anything. It can't be? He looked so much like...surely that's not...

"George?" She asked tentatively reaching slowly to touch his arm.

He shook his head trying to break free of his trance.

"So you're ah...you're a mother. Wow that's...how old is he?" He turned his gaze to hers.

Heart beating fast in her chest a tightness formed in her throat.

Offering a weak smile as her eyes start to turn red she replied, "He'll be 11 in a few short months. He just received his Hogwarts letter."

"Wow that's..." the pieces were falling into place behind his eyes as he looks back to where the young boy had ran off. "11?" He turns back to the mother, disbelief and a little anger evident all through his expression.

"George..." she took a step toward him but he moved away from the touch.

"[Y/N], tell me he's not..."

Tears were filling her eyes now as she noticed his had begun to turn just as red. Fighting back tears. He knows the answer, aside from the eyes, he was the spitting image of his father. Of himself. But he still needs to ask.

"He is, George." Tears finally spilling over and rolling down her cheek she watched him, chest aching at the confession.

"11 years and you never thought to tell us? You never thought I'd...that'd we'd...for Merlin's sake, [Y/N]! He's.." over come with emotion George's breathing had become rapid. He's angry and panicking he keeps looking between her and where the boy ran to. He's crying, running his hands frantically through his hair as he desperately tries to make some sense of this situation. 11 years. For 11 years he's had a nephew. For 11 years she hid the truth from his family. For 11 years she hid the last remaining part of Fred from them. From him. How can he begin to process this?

"George, please, I'm so sorry I didn't...I couldn't..." she were clinging to any excuse that rushed through her head. Fighting for a reason good enough to justify the decision not to tell anyone, but she couldn't. She knew she was wrong, and now could see just how badly, it was all over George. In his tears and the whites of his knuckles and the emotion fighting on his breath. She'd never even been able to convince herself after more than a decade of arguing between heart and mind. So how could she possibly convince him now?

"I'm sorry, I panicked! I thought it was the right thing at the time!" Not a lie, but definitely not a good enough defence.

"The war was over, Fred was gone and I found out I was pregnant only a week later. What was I supposed to do!?"

"You were supposed to trust us!" George was nothing but angry now. He was looking at her with such rage in his eyes it terrified her. He began shouting as he approached. [Y/N] was shaking and walking backwards.

"You were supposed to know that we're family! We always had been, even before you had his baby. We would have helped you. Cared for you. Cared for him! I mean for Gods sake [Y/N] he's the only piece of Fred left on this fucking planet and you hid him from us!"

"George please, I'm so sorry just...just please stop yelling." Her hands were out in defence as she gazed over to the group of passers by whom had stopped to view the scene currently unfolding before them. People were watching, silently asking if she needed help. He looked around, realising he needed to calm himself. She grabbed his hand as he looked away, trying to control his breathing. She'd never seen George so upset. He was usually the most understanding and level-headed of the pair. This side of him scared her, and she hated herself for bringing it out from him.

"Hey..." she spoke, barely in a whisper, reaching to stroke the arm of his hand which she were holding.

"What's his name" George interrupted, still not daring to look to her.

She smiled softly.

"His name's Marcos. From-"

"Your uncle." George nodded. "The one who raised you. I remember him." A strain was evident in his voice as he tried to move the conversation forward without losing his temper.

"He has a middle name." [Y/N] blurted out. "He ah...he has a middle name."

He finally looked down at her. His mouth clamped so tight it was a thin line. "Mmhmm. Yeah, alright. What is it?"

"It's George." She smiled at him. "It was Fred's idea. He used to joke about us getting married and growing old. Whenever he spoke about children there was one name that always came back to him. He said he wanted to name one after you..." he was crying again, head bowed while silent sad laughter shook through his shoulders. She moved to stand infront of him. One hand gently stroking the side of his cheek as his hands traced circles on her arms. "He said it'd drive your Mum mad, having two of you around the house, and thought that was exactly the way it should be." He laughed and they embraced each other, Georges head resting against the crook of her neck.

"I'm so sorry George. I should never have kept any of this from you. From your family."

"Our family" he corrected. "You're apart of us too. Just like he is." He finished standing straight once again but never letting go completely.

"I promise I'll tell everyone. I'll do it tomorrow. I should never have kept him from you. Nor you from him. I was stupid to think I was alone in this. I know you're all what's best for him. And I'm going to mend my mistake. I don't expect anyone to greet me with open arms. And I know this will take time to win you all back, but it's the right thing to do."

George was looking with nothing but cherish in his eyes. He was devastated yes, to say the least. But he had to look past that now. He had his best friend back, and what's more, he has a nephew! He is an Uncle! And he had 11 years worth of pranks and mischief to make up for, he wasn't about to waste a second.

"Can I meet him" he asked, trying not to sound as eager as he was feeling.

"Of course."

"The menagerie wasn't it? He was going to?" He said as they began walking.

"Oh, yes but there's not a chance in the world that's where he's gone." She smiled knowingly. George furrowed his brows at the comment. [Y/N] led him on through the crowds in Diagon Alley. Past the Broom store, past Olivanders, past the Magical Menagerie. All the way down to the bright and lively store of number 93, Weasley Wizard Wheezes. George began to laugh.

"You're not serious?"

"It's safe to say he has inherited his Father, and Uncles talent for mischief." She winked opening the door.

The store was crowded, but she knew him better than anyone and knew exactly where he'd be.

"Your store is his favourite you know?"

George smiled trying to see over the crowd of people within the store to catch a glimpse of him.

"His favourite section..." she pointed over her shoulder with a grin. "...fireworks." grasping his hand and pulling George along behind her.

True to form, that's exactly where he was. Startled by his Mothers sudden appearance, and the stern smiling expression on her face the boy hid two boxes, of what no doubt were the biggest and most uncontanable fireworks the Twins had created, behind his back feigning innocence.

"Oh! Mum! I ahhhh...I'm glad you found me, you see I couldn't seem to find the menagerie and I got a bit lost amongst all the people so I ahhh...i just sort of ducked in here to ummm"

"Save it, Marcos." She raised her hand and chuckled. George was beaming, he was just like Fred, although hadn't quiet perfected his lying ability yet. At the moment it was about as strong as his mothers...aka patheticly weak.

[Y/N] crouched down in front of him and Marcos let his hands fall by his sides as he bowed his head in defeat "I'm done for aren't I?"

"Not this time", Marcos head rocketed up to stare awestruck into her eyes. Surely he hadn't heard that properly?

"Marc, I'd like to introduce you to someone...the man I was talking to earlier."

The boy looked up behind his mother and his eye's widened. "You're the owner of the store! I hadn't realised before not with...you know, you not being near that giant bust of yours out front..." George laughed. "But Mum...how ever do you know him!?" He was near shaking with excitement as he stared back at his mother.

"Well sweety, there's-" she was interrupted as a small group of people entered the firework section.

"Perhaps you'd like to do this upstairs [Y/N], away from interruptions that is" George whispered in her ear. "We can use the flat" he said standing back against the wall he'd leaned on when they'd entered.

"Yes that would be best I think. Come on Marc, just follow George alright." Marcos was becoming increasingly worrisome. This whole scene screamed seriousness. Something he didn't care for at all, he much preferred to stay joking and happy. Another trait he'd unknowingly inherited from his Father.

They climbed the winding stairs of the Twins store into the flat where George shut the door behind them.

"Make yourself comfortable" he ushered towards the couch. "Anything to drink?" "No thank you, George" "how bout for you little man?" "Can I have a fire whiskey?" George laughed as [Y/N] looked sternly at her son. "Nevermind. I'm all good." He slouched down into the couch cushions.

Resuming her position from earlier the Mother kneeled before her son, and grasped his hands in hers whilst George stood awkwardly with his hands in his pockets behind them. Head hung slightly.

"As I was saying, there's something I've needed to tell you. Something I should never have kept from you in the first place and it's time you knew." She took a deep breath. "George here well...we went to school together. We were very close."

"Well, what happened?" Marcos asked confusedly. "You hardly ever mention your school days." "I know. And you see...you remember the story I told you when you asked about your Father, Marc?" George became suddenly more alert, he hadn't thought about what she had told him during all of this...he sat on a neighbouring armchair, listening intently.

"You told me he died in the War, as a hero. Saving people." George felt his eyes sting with fresh tears but fought to control himself.

"That's right, honey, and it's true. Your Daddy died a very brave, strong, man. He helped save so many people."

"So what's this got to do with me meeting George?" He asked.

"Well...George here was your Daddy's brother. His twin."

"Really!?" Marcos asked excitedly. "I have an uncle?" He smiled at George.

"Well, more than one." George smirked with a raised brow.

"There's more?" Marcos was on the edge of his seat now "how many more?"

"At least 5." "Woah!" "You also have 3 aunts" George added. "Why haven't I met them? Can we go now!?" Marcos stood enthusiastically looking between the two adults. He was truly a fearless young man. That which his Mother adored.

"Uh no, not right now Marc but I'm hoping" she glanced at George, "sometime this week." "Definitely." He smiled. "So you're what my dad looked like? Mum doesn't have any photos, they were all burned in a house fire." "Well, pretty much, minus an ear of course." He said pointing to his wound.

"Wicked!" He smiled "how'd it happen!?" Marcos was cross legged on Georges coffee table sitting eagerly infront of his newly discovered Uncle. "Marc, that's rude, you can't just ask -" "it's okay, [Y/N]. Really. And I'll be happy to tell you. Everything." George was leaning in nearly as excited as his nephew. "Can you tell me all about Dad?" He asked with a cautious expression. "Like I'd leave him out" he scowled jokingly. [Y/N] had tears in her eyes. Seeing them so happy she couldn't believe that after the War she ran. How could one keep George from him?

Distracted by her own thoughts she hadn't realised her son was patiently waiting an answer to a question he'd asked. "Sorry?" "I said, can I stay with Uncle George tonight?" "Oh..." she looked at George who had the same pleading expression on his face as her son. "Only if it's okay with-" "of course it is!" George stood with a clap of his hands. Marcos was beaming once more at his uncle. "Well then I guess it's okay." The boys high fived excitedly and began to celebrate "BUT!" "here it comes" Marcos rolled his eyes and dropped his head. George looked between the pair slightly confused but ultimately he could guess what was coming.

"I want you on your BEST! behaviour. No mischief!" She scolded "I promise" Marcos pleaded. "See he promises" George wrapped an arm around Marc's shoulders as they both smiled. "The both of you!" She added "...oh." Georges mouth formed a thin line as he looked at [Y/N]. There goes 80% of his plans for the night. Although what she doesn't know wont really hurt her he thought with a smile.

After a while more talking, exchanging stories with George from school and hearing him talk about his newest inventions, as well as answering all questions Marcos had, [Y/N] had decided it was time to let the boys have their night together. Saying goodbye at the door she began yet another warning, having knew these boys too well. "And I mean it you two! Absolutely no! Mischief!" George put a hand on his heart and the other rested on Marcos back. "I solemnly swear" he winked.

Laughing she gave the boys a final hug and began desending the stores stairs when her ears were met with the sound of her sons celebratory cheers and the slap of a high five. Smiling she kept walking till met with the emptiness of Diagon Alley where only few people remained as stores were closing. Casting a loving look to the top window of number 93 she smiled. Everything was going to be okay. She stood contemplating for a moment when the unmistakable flash of fireworks issued from the window and her expression deadpanned. Hadn't been gone 5 minutes. She rolled her eyes. "It's harmless fun" she told herself, going to turn and continue on her way home when the sudden sound of glass breaking and sparks flying pulled her attention back to the top floor window which was now shattered as a firework whizzed down the dark street.

"Awesome!" Came her sons voice in celebration. "MARCOS! GEORGE!" She bellowed. Their heads poked immediately out from the window. [Y/N] threw her arms out wide, brows raised, silently asking the question...

The boys responded in sync "sorrrry Muuumm" "Sorrrry [Y/N/N]" rolling her eyes as she walked off, the firework still in view she laughed to herself.

"We're doomed."

Part II>>

#fred weasley x reader #fred weasley smut #fred weasley #George weasley x reader #george weasley/reader #george weasley x reader #george weasley #hp imagine #harry potter x reader

544 notes · View notes

fangirl-ramblings · 3 years

Text

Pairing: Charles Smith x Female Readee

Word Count: 3222

Summary: Love is in the air around camp, but has Cupid's arrow somehow missed you and Charles?

Notes: The fluffiest of fluff, Reader POV / Charles POV

This @rdr-secret-cupid gift is for one of my favourite people - @12timetraveler. My sincere apologies for this Valentine's / birthday present being so late, but hopefully it's well worth the wait 😘

~* Tumblr Masterlist | Stories on AO3 *~

Cupid's Arrow

Reader's POV

14th Feb 1899

You looked around to see Dutch sitting in his tent, whispering sweet nothings to Miss O'Shea while Sean was trying his hardest to win over Karen, whose icy demeanour was starting to thaw with each passing drink he was plying her with. Hell, even John had had a little too much to drink and summoned the courage to pick a small posy of flowers and present them to Abigail as a small Valentine's gift.

You liked seeing the camp happy like this, all relaxed in each other's company; the likes of Javier and Tilly sitting next to each other as the former strummed on his guitar and filled the air with a sweet melody, or young Mary-Beth, enjoying the latest romance novel she acquired, only to tear her eyes away from the page to gaze lovingly towards an oblivious Arthur before continuing her story.

And while Micah's grumbling about it "not bein' right, someone like him talkin' to a fiiinnnne woman like her," as he watched young Lenny saying something to make Jenny giggle from across the way, was enough to for everybody to tell him to shut up, it certainly wasn't enough to dampen the mood around the place.

It was even nice to see Miss Grimshaw laugh and smile as she joined the older camp members in their reminiscences about previous Valentine's days with their own past loves, soon followed by raucous singing of filthy songs but as you took your makeshift seat of a crate at the poker table, you couldn’t but help feel Cupid’s arrow had struck everyone and somehow bypassed you.

You had secretly hoped that Charles would have joined in with the party, but the minute Dutch wound up his gramophone Charles had disappeared into the woods to take his position on guard duty.

While you'd taken many opportunities to try to make conversation and try to get to know him better over the last few months, you still found him to be a man of few words - but you liked that about him. The camp was full enough of loud-mouthed characters like Sean and Uncle that any moment you found yourself sitting in a comfortable silence with Mr. Smith was bliss.

As the night drew on and more and more alcohol was heartly consumed by all, you felt your eyes growing heavy and couldn’t summon the energy to sing along with the lyrics of “The Louisville Maid”.

"Well as fun as this is, I'm gonna call it a night," you announced to your campmates, knowing full well that nobody was really listening. You sighed as they were caught up in their merriment and headed towards your tent… only to walk straight into Charles.

"Whoa, careful there," he told you, giving you a small smile as he placed those big, strong hands of his upon your arms to help stop you from falling over on the spot.

Your face burned as you felt your face grow redder and with each passing second as you enjoyed his gentle but firm touch, causing you to look away to avoid staring into those beautiful, deep brown eyes of his. You hoped that he thought your flushed appearance was a result of all the alcohol running through your veins and not the thought currently running through your mind; what it would be like if he suddenly dipped and kissed you with a fervent passion?

"Sorry Charles, I… I… I hadn't realised you'd finished your shift already. Want a drink?"

"I'm okay, thank you, I was gonna try and get some sleep… and I think you should too - big day tomorrow isn't it?" Your brow furrowed as you tried to rack your brain. Had you arranged to go on a job and completely forgot? Charles watched you, with a confused look. "Oh, I thought you'd mentioned the other day that it was your birthday? Maybe I got it wrong?"

"Oh my word, yes it is," you gasped in wonderment, "I can't believe you remembered."

"Guess I just have a good memory for special occasions," he grinned, brushing a loose hair from your face without thinking, making you weak at the knees.

He cleared his throat and moved his hand away. "Well we best both go get some shut eye before the sun comes up. Good night and sweet dreams."

You watched him walk to his tent, before heading to your own. Still smiling to yourself, you drew the flaps shut and fell on the cot, relieving that brief moment you just had with Charles over and over as you closed your eyes and let sleep wash over you.

15th Feb 1899

As the sun beamed through the gaps of your tent, you woke up to a very different camp atmosphere compared to the night before. It was eerily quiet; with everybody still in bed, sleeping off the hangovers they'd given themselves at the party.

Deciding to make the most of having a quiet camp all to yourself, you sat yourself up and stretched - your muscles and joints aching in a way that made you laugh. Another year older today and your body was certainly reminding you of that fact with all the aches and pains you suddenly started feeling.

A part of you doubted anybody else would be able to remember that today was your birthday but you smiled as you saw Mary-Beth hadn't forgotten; she'd wrapped a romance novel with one of her ribbons and left it on your trunk. Next to it was a little handwritten note from her, wishing you a very happy birthday and how "the way the heroine in this story reminds me of how you act around Charles, maybe if you read it you'll end up with your true love too. x"

You playfully rolled your eyes; ever the romantic, Mary-Beth had seen you gazing at Charles one day and decided you were destined to be together.

Pulling on some fresh clothes, you stepped outside and made your way towards the coffee pot, presuming nobody would have thought to wash it out and prepare it ready for the morning. Yet, to your surprise, you lifted it up to find it freshly brewed and still piping hot.

“I figured everybody would be wanting some when they woke up,” Charles chuckled, walking behind you carrying some logs for the campfire.

“I’d say; seems they all had a lot to celebrate,” you laughed, pouring yourself a cup. “You want one?” you asked, offering Charles the filled mug currently in your hand.

“I’m okay thanks, I had one before I made a start on tidying the place up.”

“Oh trust me, I wouldn’t worry too much about that today - Grimshaw will have such a headache, she'll be far more focused on getting all the quieter jobs done," you giggled knowing from previous experience how badly Susan seemed to suffer from next morning hangovers.

He carefully placed the chopped wood next to the campfire before turning his attention back to you. "Oh I bet," he grinned, his eyes twinkling. "Actually, I have an idea that might help keep camp running smoothly and stop people grumbling.'

"Oh?" Curiosity had gotten the best of you and you were intrigued to know what he was thinking.

"I saw supplies were running low and was thinking of doing some hunting later… a good hearty stew might be what the others need to recover," rushing his words out before casting his eyes to the ground. "I, erm… I was wondering if you wanted to join me?"

"What? Because I'm the only other person sober enough to safely use a weapon right now?" you teased.

"That's one reason, but I'd also like some good company."

You stood gobsmacked as he turned away from you, quickly making his way over to Taima, pulling something from her saddle.

"I… I'd like to spend time with you too, but I'm afraid my pistol is no good for hunting." You hung your head in disappointment, mentally kicking yourself that this could be your one chance to be alone with the man you'd admired for all these months - and you've lost it because you never took the time to invest in decent hunting equipment.

"I can help you with that," Charles told you, pulling out an ornate looking bow and handing it to you. "I made it… for your birthday."

"For me?" Shocked by his act of kindness, you traced your fingers over each of the detail engravings that ran along each of the limbs, tears starting to cloud your vision. "This is beautiful, but are you sure you mean to give this to me?"

"Of course… a beautiful bow for a beautiful lady.” A sudden flash of fear crossed Charles’ eyes as he realised what he had just said, his body tensing.

"You… think I'm beautiful?" Your eyes looking deep into his, searching for the truth.

He nodded. "The most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. If it's too awkward, we can just forget the hunting…"

He stopped mid-sentence as you kissed his cheek, his body relaxing as he realised he hadn't made a mistake in telling you.

"It's not awkward at all, I've liked you for a long time but I could never work out if the feeling is mutual." You gently thumbed his cheek, "Let's go on this hunting trip and talk about this in private shall we?" You suggested as you signaled for Charles to see what you could see.

Stood behind him was a small audience of John and Mary-Beth, both of whom were grinning over to you both.

Charles playfully rolled his eyes and walked you away from their gaze.

"Sounds like a good idea, wanna head out now?"

"Lead the way Mr. Smith." You held out your hand and he gladly took hold.

"Oh wait, you'll need some of these too" he reached back into his saddle to hand you a bunch of arrows… only to be confused as he heard you laughing.

"What's so funny?" Charles asked, trying to read your expression.

"Nothing… just looks like Cupid's arrows found me after all."

Charles' POV

14th Feb 1899

“I’ll take over here if you want,” John grumbled, clutching his face as he approached where Charles was currently taking up guard duty in the wooded area on the outskirts of camp. “I reckon my Valentine's night is as good as over.”

Charles turned to face his campmate, the moonlight showing a fresh red looking handprint across John's cheek. "You blew it with Abigail then?"

"Yep, I pushed my luck just a little too much," John chuckled lightly, "But I'm sure I'll survive. Go on, you go enjoy yourself… I saw [y/n] looking all lonesome up there, she could probably do with some company."

John waggled his eyebrows as Charles pretended to scowl; alcohol had given him loose lips one night and he had ended up confiding in Arthur and John about his feelings about the camp lady he'd taken a shine to. But he couldn’t hold the expression for long as a smile crept over his lips he thought about you.

"I'll probably just get some shut-eye instead, but I have been busy making this for her." He lifted up a beautiful bow that was resting against a nearby trunk. "It's her birthday tomorrow and she mentioned once she'd be interested in learning to hunt properly."

"You're a big old softie, ain't you Charles Smith?" John chuckled. "Well, I'm sure she'll appreciate the thought."

“Don’t you go ruining my reputation, John,” he laughed, making his way to the clearing where all the gang's horses grazed peacefully.

Taima looked up, nickering as she saw her owner nearby.

“Just a passing visit for now girl, but we can go out on a ride tomorrow,” he whispered to her, stroking her neck as she nuzzled against him. “In the meantime, I want you to keep this safe for me.” Charles lifted his saddle onto the hitching post that Taima was attached to, and carefully placed the bow into the holster on it. She watched her owner with curiosity, her ears pricking up as heard Charles rummaging in his saddlebag to retrieve an apple to reward his trusted Appaloosa for her loyalty.

The music was still playing as he walked back into camp, only this time it was Pearson’s accordion and Uncle’s banjo that filled the air as Miss Grimshaw sang a bawdy song. It was clear that the party wasn't ending anytime soon, but that wasn't going to stop Charles from trying to get some sleep. Heading towards his tent, he found himself looking around for a quick glance of his heart's desire, only for you to crash straight into him.

"Whoa, careful there," he told you, gently placing his hands upon your arms to help stop you from falling over on the spot. He could have swore he felt a jolt of electricity flowing through his veins as his skin touched yours.

"Sorry Charles, I… I… I hadn't realised you'd finished your shift already. Want a drink?"

"I'm okay thank you, I was gonna try and get some sleep… and I think you should too - big day tomorrow isn't it?" A flash of confusion crossed your face and Charles began to doubt himself. "Oh, I thought you'd mentioned the other day that it was your birthday? Maybe I got it wrong?"

"Oh my word, yes it is," you gasped in wonderment. "I can't believe you remembered."

"Guess I just have a good memory for special occasions," he grinned, brushing a loose hair from your face without thinking, before catching himself and moving his hand away.

Not really wanting the moment to be over but knowing he must tear himself away lest he stay admiring you all night, he cleared his throat.

"Well we best both go get some shut eye before the sun comes up. Good night and sweet dreams."

Making the short walk back to his own tent, his heart soared as he thought back over your reaction to him remembering your birthday. Now he couldn’t wait to see how you would react to your present.

Settling on his bed roll, he watched you draw your tent closed before allowing himself finally sleep and dream of you.

Charles found himself waking at the crack of dawn, just as the last few stragglers were stumbling towards their bedrolls . Realising he could effectively have the tranquillity of camp to himself, he gladly jumped up and set about getting ready for a new day.

Firstly he made his way over to Pearson’s wagon to grab a few coffee beans and started brewing a fresh pot. Noticing the meat supplies were running dangerously low, Charles made a mental note to go out hunting later and wondered if this could be the ideal opportunity to ask the birthday girl to join him.

While he waited for that certain someone to wake up, he had already stoked the fires back to life and disposed of the empty bottles that were scattered all around camp before finally enjoying a short break with a fresh cup of coffee.

It wasn't until he had made a start on chopping wood he had heard footsteps behind him and smiled to himself as he looked over to see [y/n] making her way over to the coffee pot.

“I figured everybody would be wanting some when they woke up,” Charles chuckled, walking up to her with an armful of logs for the campfire.

“I’d say; seems they all had a lot to celebrate,” she laughed in that sweet way that made Charles’ feel all warm inside as she poured a cup. “You want one?” asking as she offered the mug in her hand towards him.

“I’m okay thanks, I had one before I made a start on tidying the place up," he explained, walking over towards where the chopped wood was to be stored.

“Oh trust me, I wouldn’t worry too much about that today - Grimshaw will have such a headache, she'll be far more focused on getting all the quieter jobs done,"

Charles chuckled as he carefully placed the firewood down before realising this was his chance and turned his attention back to you.

"Oh I bet," grinning with a twinkle in his eyes. "Actually, I have an idea that might help keep camp running smoothly and stop people grumbling.'

"Oh?" you asked, tilting your head with curiosity.

He had noticed in the past that each time you asked a question about something that had piqued your interest, you would often tilt your head in this way and found it utterly adorable.

"I was thinking of doing some hunting later… a good hearty stew might be what the others need to recover," Charles rushed his words out before looking away bashfully. "I, erm… I was wondering if you wanted to join me?"

"What? Because I'm the only other person sober enough to safely use a weapon right now?" she smirked, and he felt his insides flip-flop. She was so damn beautiful.

"That's one reason, but I'd also like some good company," he told her, quickly turning to go fetch the bow from Taima’s saddle.

"I… I'd like to enjoy your company too, but I'm afraid my pistol is no good for hunting." She lowered her head in what seemed to be disappointment.

"I can help you with that," Charles told her, carefully placing the bow in her hands. "I made it….for your birthday."

"For me?" He watched as she traced her fingers over the engravings he spent so much time on, hoping the tears brimming in her eyes were because she was overjoyed. "This is beautiful… but are you sure it's for me?"

"Of course… a beautiful bow for a beautiful lady.” He kicked himself inwardly for saying it aloud,

"You… think I'm beautiful?" Your eyes looking deep into his, searching for the truth.

He nodded. "The most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. If it's too awkward, we can just forget the hunting…"

He stopped mid-sentence as you kissed his cheek. The feeling of embarrassment replaced by one feeling like he could soar into the sky right now.

"It's not awkward at all, I've liked you for a long time but I could never work out if the feeling is mutual." Gently thumbing his cheek, you suggested, "Let's go on this hunting trip and talk about this in private shall we?"

He followed your gaze to see Mary-Beth and John grinning at you both as they stood by their tents.

Playfully rolling his eyes, Charles guided you away from their gaze.

"Sounds like a good idea, wanna head out now?"

"Lead the way Mr. Smith." You held out your hand and he gladly took hold.

"Oh wait, you'll need some of these too" he reached back into his saddle to hand you a bunch of arrows… only to be confused as he heard you laughing.

"What's so funny?" Charles asked, hoping thewhole entire moment wasn't a set up so camp could make fun of him

"Nothing… just looks like Cupid's arrows found me after all"

#fangirl writes #charles smith x f!reader #charles smith x female reader #rdr2 fanfic #rdr secret cupid 2021 #fluff

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stay-tinystars · 3 years

Text

Traveling Teacher

Ship: Mark (NCT) x fem reader.

Traveling teacher, non idol au

Word count: 1585

Warnings: reader has very anxious thoughts at the beginning.

A/N: random story I started months ago. I hope you all enjoy this random story. I wanted to write something for Mark, because he's just adorable. I'd love feedback on what you think of this story.

Deep breath in, deep breath out. That's all you kept repeating in your head. You had to calm down, it was going to be alright. He would be here any minute, he was just running late. He wouldn't have asked you here just to stand you up, or would he? This couldn't be another prank.

Leaning forward you rested your head in your hands. Trying to focus on the things around you to ground yourself. You felt the slight breeze around you. The sound of the birds, and the city. The wooden bench beneath you. The feel of the gravel under your shoes. The light weight of your jacket across your shoulders.

The anxiety of the situation seemed to decrease as you focused on the things around you. The sound of shoes against the gravel sounded calming.

"____, You actually came." his words pulling you back to the present, immediate relief flooded through your chest. You looked up to see him smiling at you, he seemed pleased.

"Of course, you asked me to come." You smiled as you stood up dusting off your dark jeans, fixing the hem of your shirt and adjusting the light jacket. You felt lightly undressed. He looked like a model, per usual. His perfectly styled, yet messy hair swept back from his forehead, the leather jacket over a vintage band shirt, and a pair of jeans.

"I wasn't sure that you would actually show." his eyes on the ground as his fingers ran through his hair. His eyes then met yours. "You're usually really reserved, I was afraid I might have scared you off, saying it was a date. I'm glad it didn't." his eyes becoming little crescents, as he gave a genuine smile.

The butterflies in your stomach seemed to swarm, as he guided the way. You started down the path towards the main part of the park.

-------------

Mark was a traveling music instructor, so he came to the primary school twice a week to teach beginning band, and choir. Being an office aid you saw him when he picked up his badge checking in for his class, and when he returned his badge.

The first day he came in, he took you by surprise. The last traveling teacher was a grumpy older man, Mark however was literal sunshine, always kind and friendly to everyone he came across. The children adored him, and all the ladies at the school gushed over him, single or not.

In the few words you would exchange as he checked in and out, you slowly got to know him. You both shared a love for music, especially live music. Last week when he mentioned going to the free concerts in the park you talked with him about some of the ones you attended last summer. That's when he invited you to join him for the mini festival of cover bands that weekend. Completely ignoring the other flirtatious aid, who offered to go in your place, being as you 'didn't get out much'. He just smiled and looked back at you, stating it would be a great getting to know you date. After that he left. You were as red as a tomato, laughing internally at your coworker who was now insisting that there was something wrong with him.

---------

"We haven't ever discussed what made you want to be an office aid at a school" Mark noted, as you strolled towards the outdoor amphitheatre.

"Truthfully I never planned on being an office aid" you laughed. "I wanted to do something with kids, but I didn't want to teach. I considered being a school librarian, but every job I applied for fell through. Then someone my mom knew was retiring from being an office aid, and my mom gave her my resume. I got a call for an interview for a job I never applied for. They ended up hiring me immediately after my interview. I guess the rest is history."

"They must've known you'd be great with kids." He remarked as he guided you towards the small seating section.

"I'm not so sure. I think they needed someone who was kind, but had a firm hand. So I got the job."

"I've seen you with some of those kids. Even the troublemakers listen to you." He praised as he motioned towards the reserved seats in the third row off to the side.

"I'm nowhere near as good with them as you are. You helped Jin get into that special summer program, which I never expected to happen. Especially after he flushed Mrs. Kim's prized fish last year." You praised back as you both took a seat.

"I heard about that." He chuckled. "Jin has a lot of potential, he just didn't know how to direct it. All I did was guide him, and help him on the right path."

"Is that why you became a traveling teacher?"

"Actually, no." He let out a small laugh. "I was supposed to be in Law school. After the first semester I knew I couldn't handle it. I had been tutoring kids in music lessons when I decided I would just try that path. I must say I feel like I make more of a difference now, then I would've as a lawyer."

"You do make a huge difference at my school. The kids are always excited when they get to have Mr. Lee's class. We also have less absences on the days you teach."

"I don't know that I make that much of a difference." His ears turned a slight pink.

"You do. I'm sure we will see many kids in the music industry in the future because of you."

"Guys look it's Mr. Lee, and Miss ____." A child yelled from behind you. The two of you turned in your seats,, to see a few students getting settled in the grass a ways behind you. You both smiled and waved.

"I bet they are on a date!" Another said loudly, your eyes looked down, as you turned around in your seat. The blush was apparent on your cheeks. As Mark made a big scene of stretching and putting his arm around you. A light giggle left your lips as you looked over at him, with a questioning look.

"What?" He asked, and you glanced at his arm then back up to his face. "The kids have to learn somehow. This is how to be smooth." he nodded then did an over the top wink. You laughed again, covering your face with one hand, shaking your head. He was anything but subtle or smooth.

Soon the music started, the energy pulsed through the air. You both sang and danced along to cover after cover. The first band played music your parents listened to.

The second band played music from the early 2000s which Mark ended up serenading you with.

Between bands you just sat, and talked. He found out your favorite movie. You found out he loves cookies and cream Ice Cream.

The last band was a big band 1950s style cover band. During a slower song Mark spun you around, dancing between the rows of seats.

The mini festival seemed to end as soon as it began. The sun had started to pitch in the sky, when Mark asked you to join him for dinner. With a nod of your head you both set off towards the main road in search of food.

"Can I ask you a question?" Mark asked, as you both strolled the main walkway.

"Of course" you looked towards him, curiously.

"If I were to hold your hand would it make you uncomfortable? I mean if you don't want to we don't have to. I mean this is our first date. If you want to consider it an official date. I am but..." he stumbled over his words, he seemed as panicked as you felt. Your lips slightly turned upwards as you reached for his hand.

"We never know unless we try right? That's what I tell the kids." you stated with a small nod, as his fingers encompassed yours. His thumb gently rubbing the back of your hand as you walked together.

"That's a good way to look at it. I like the way you look at things. I've noticed that you like to look for that silver lining." He noted, as he glanced towards you, slightly bumping you with his shoulder.

"I have to, it's the only way to keep the storm clouds from taking over." the words came out before you could stop them. His hand gently squeezing yours.

"Storm clouds are part of life. I've encountered my fair share of storms, but most people dwell on the storms." His words settled in your skin. "You don't seem to though."

"It takes rain to make a rainbow." You said quietly, taking a deep breath. "I've been through a lot of storms, some destroyed me. Though those I've learned as the storms come to try to make the best of it, because I know there is a rainbow coming."

He paused his stride, softly pulling your hand making you stop, you turned to face him. His smile was genuine and pure. The setting sun gave him a warm glow.

"You know, I'm starting to think you're my rainbow." His soft words made you melt.

You could feel the heat in your cheeks and ears, as you looked towards the ground. Then back into his eyes. "You might be mine as well"

#nct 127 fluff #nct mark fluff #kpopcatalog #Mark Lee x fem reader #mark lee fluff #nct mark x fem reader #nct fluff #nct fanfic #nct scenarios #nct mark scenarios #nct mark fic

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firemblem-fics · 4 years

Text

Running With the Wolves [1]

preview | >>

-> Yuri Leclarc x Fem!Reader

-> Modern!Au | Gang!Au | Enemies to Lovers

-> Word Count: ~3.3k

-> Warnings: Violence, Blood, Cursing, Weapons

-> Summary: You were just a normal college student, trying to find her way in a new place. You didn’t mean to get caught up in the wrong crowd. You just wanted coffee, but now you’re running with the wolves.

-> A/N: SURPRISE I POSTED IT EARLY ! thanks to my lovely beta readers for helping me revise and edit this chapter to make it better! i’m still in a writing mental block but i think this is one step closer to getting out of it! so, please enjoy (again)! also, all characters are aged up (21+)! also y’all should reblog this so it gets out more 🥺

send me an ask if you’d like to be on the taglist!

"Fuck- She's losing too much blood, Boss, she's not gonna make it!"

"No, no. She's going to make it- I'll make sure of it. Stay alive!"

Your vision was dark and blurry- you couldn't quite see anything. You could only make out a few silhouettes hovering above you, each one rushing around and yelling frantically. You couldn't count how many were there. Your vision kept doubling and it was hard to discern one person from three. Focusing just caused things to get worse.

"Someone put pressure on the damn wound! She certainly won't make it if you all keep messing around."

It was only now that you noticed a sharp pain radiating from your chest, right below your ribs. You gasped loudly and coughed. It hurt worse than the throbbing that already coursed through your head. Your body burned.

Trying to look down, you saw a rag soaked in blood. Hands with bright nails pressed down on your wound to slow the flow, but it didn't seem to be helping. You started feeling dizzy and laid back again, clenching your eyes tight as nausea engulfed you.

"No, keep your eyes open, Y/N, dammit! Wake up!"

Slowly, the pain began fading, as did your view of the people above you and their voices. You could still barely hear the voice crying, sobbing out your name. Whoever they were, they were crushed.

"Wake up!"

Was that voice finally fading away too?

"Wake up!"

No- it was getting louder.

"Wake up!"

"Ellie, what the fuck do you want?" You groaned, rolling over on your bed.

Your roommate bounced on her knees, making your bed creak loudly. "What do you mean? It's like 10am, your class is at 11. Don’t talk to me with that tone of voice."

"Fuck me."

"Absolutely not, baby." Ellie smacked a pillow beside you and got up. "Get ready!" She went to her own room, leaving you to your own devices.

When you applied for an apartment roommate, Ellie was certainly not the one you were expecting. You would've preferred a chill, laid-back, person. Instead, Eleonora Yumizuru walked into your life (and apartment) and practically made herself at home. She didn't judge you from transferring so far away from your old home for your last year of college, claiming that "home roots don't mean shit when it comes to making it in the real world".

She had the right to say such a thing, having moved to Fodlan from another country in her youth. She was able to understand the occasional homesickness and help you cope as you adjusted to Fodlan life. She understood you like the back of her hand from the moment you met and you did the same for her.

Really, you had to let her move in. She’d probably have stayed even if you rejected her.

She was the complete opposite of what you were looking for- overconfident, stubborn, loud- but she grew on you and easily became your best friend. There was just something about the bubbly, blue-eyed, blonde-bobbed bitch that hooked you.

She had certainly hooked other people as well, but thank God her bedroom is on the other side of the apartment. Her social skills and magnetic personality worked for platonic friends and acquaintances as well. Ellie was constantly bringing over friends, allowing you to expand your own circle. She was heaven-sent for a newbie like you.

You sat up from your bed, yawning and stretching. Trudging to your bathroom, you rolled your eyes as the infamous Taylor Swift blared through Ellie's speakers, "Shake it Off" shaking the entire apartment. Nothing against T. Swift, but sometimes she was not the first thing you want to hear when you wake up. At least not at max volume. Ignoring the song switching to "You Belong With Me" -another banger from Swift herself, but really "Teardrops on My Guitar” was your favorite- you finished getting ready and lazed into Ellie's room.

"I've got class 'till late today." You sat on her bed. "Do you want me to pick up dinner? It’ll let me explore the area."

"Oh, please do. You need to get out more. But where?"

You shrugged. "There's really only like two good food places here. Golden Pizza and Blue Lion Buffet. Your choice."

Ellie thought for a moment. "I went to the buffet with my little friend Touma the other day... so pizza! I just can't choose a side in their little spat."

"Spat?" You tilted your head.

"Goodness, Y/N! I know you're a little new here, but you haven't even heard of the shit that goes on between those restaurant owners?"

Shaking your head, you stayed silent for her to continue.

"The owners of Blue Lion Buffet, Eagle's Freezery, and Golden Pizza are all huge rivals. I heard they were all close, but went their separate ways. All the owners' kids are our age, too. They go to Fodlan Uni, but I don't know who they are." She smiled. "I am an esteemed woman with an upcoming high status. Who would I be to take sides? I prefer to cater to them all."

You could only nod, hiding a smirk at Ellie’s infatuation of fame. A huge restaurant rivalry. How funny. "What about that little cafe on the corner? What's it called? Café des Loups?"

"They're pretty neutral, just some college dropouts trying to make some money. I think they’re gonna get involved eventually- every restaurant’s been dragged into their drama at least once."

You nodded, standing up and messing with your apartment keys. "I'll keep that in mind. Bye, Ellie!"

"Bye! I better see some pizza later!" She called as you made your way out of the apartment, now playing "I Knew You Were Trouble".

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

College was honestly a scam.

You sat in the classes for two hours at a time, for what? You were paying thousands of dollars to be talked at by old dusty men who made you fall asleep faster than trying to read their overpriced textbooks. You paid thousands to nap at a desk.

Unfortunately for you, though, your thousand dollar desk nap was interrupted by a tapping on the surface. You huffed and looked up, coming face to face with a pair of soft, orange eyes. They radiated kindness and just looking into them seemed to lift your mood immediately.

"Hey, you need to wake up for this part. The professor said there's gonna be a quiz on this section tomorrow."

You shot up, looking back at your professor. Blushing embarrassedly, you smiled at the boy. "Thank you..."

"Ferdinand." He drew his bottom lip in between his teeth, as if to conceal his smile, before giving up and returning yours just as brightly.

As you faced forward to Professor Hanneman, as you were pretty sure his name was- or was it Ham Man? You didn’t care enough to know- you were now struggling with two distractions. One, the weight of your eyelids as they threatened to pull you back into dreamland. Two, Ferdinand.

You kept glancing at him, taking in his complexion. He must have come to class late, since you didn't see him before. Or maybe he was on time- you did fall asleep quite early into the lecture.

You were eyeing his carefully sculpted jawline, dotted with subtle stubble that connected to sideburns and led up to clean, silky, orange hair. You wished to run your fingers through it-

"Y/N, this is the second time I've seen you not paying attention." You jumped nearly three feet in the air. "Next time, I'll have to ask you to leave my class since you are obviously taking it as a joke."

"I-I'm not joking! Sorry!" You stuttered, finally finding a reason to keep your attention on the lecture. You did look away once, just to glare at Ferdinand, who only winked and chuckled at your misfortune.

Class was eventually over and you sighed, finally loosening up from forcing yourself to pay attention. You packed your notebook and laptop and swung your backpack on, getting ready to leave the room before a voice called to you.

You turned back. "Ferdinand?"

"I was simply wondering where your next class was. I can walk you to it, if you'd like." Said boy walked quickly towards you, holding himself with a nearly-perfect posture. You felt anxious- he was trying to make himself seem like a gentleman, but you still felt a little unnerved.

"Oh, um, sure! It's not for another fifteen minutes, but it is across campus."

Ferdinand's grin seemed to get larger, making his eyes crinkle at the edges. "How wonderful! That little café is down there and I've been meaning to check it out anyways. It works out perfectly."

"Uh, yeah." You laughed nervously. This was the first time a boy had taken interest in you- or was he really interested? Maybe he's just being nice-

"Also, before I forget. May I get your number? I'd like to talk to such a gorgeous woman like you a little more."

Oh, he was so interested. You had to make yourself breathe again as you handed him your phone to let him put his number in. He gave it back to you and you noticed a heart and a smiley face emoticon next to his contact name. Your heart fluttered at the sight of the emojis and you felt your cheeks heat up a bit. Ferdinand gave you a sweet smile before holding the door open for you, letting you lead the way to your next class.

On the way to the building, Ferdinand spent the time asking you questions and getting to know you better. He had scratched basically the entire surface of you, save for the secrets that new people shouldn't know, and the same could be said for you. Ferdinand was definitely a polished and refined man. He made quite the impression on you.

"What are you doing after classes?" You asked, hoping to invite him for pizza at your apartment.

"Ah, I've got work!" He smiled sheepishly. He definitely caught onto your hopes...

"Really? Where? Maybe after, you could stop by for some Golden Pizza-"

"Actually, I work at the Eagles Freezery." He was tense, suddenly. "So I really shouldn't. Rivalry and all of that, you know?"

You were a little confused, actually. "Why would that prevent you from hanging out for a bit? You didn't buy it, I did. Plus I thought the rivalry was only between the buffet and the pizza place?”

"It's- it's a loyalty thing. It’s between all three of us.”

"It's a restaurant. How loyal could you possibly be to a dumb little ice cream parlor-"

"It's more than that!" Ferdinand snapped his mouth closed, suddenly making himself quiet after his angry outburst. "Listen, I cannot and will not eat there, look at it, talk about it, or do literally anything about it. Please, just understand that."

"Uh, yeah." You nervously readjusted your backpack on your shoulder. "I- I should get to class now. I'll see you later, Ferdinand."

"Goodbye, I'll message you after work!" With that, he sent you a wink and a smile and turned, going about his own day with the most carefree pep in his step. As if nothing ever happened. You, on the other hand, could not have been more confused. Ferdinand seemed unpredictable when it came to his moods. He was comforting and kind, yet was so… upset when you insulted the parlor. It was a restaurant. Why did he get so worked up about it? Maybe Ellie was right about it being such a big deal.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“I just ordered! Go, go, I’m starving!”

Not even five minutes after you got out of your last class, Ellie was calling to remind you about dinner. You were still slightly unnerved from your encounter with Ferdinand, but you agreed to pick it up and would never hear the end of it if you didn’t do something as simple as takeout.

Golden Pizza was only about two blocks away and you stayed on the phone with your roommate the entire time, only saying goodbye as you walked in the establishment. The restaurant was very nice, the honey yellow walls and the glow of the wood-fired oven making the ambience warm and welcoming. You didn’t wait long in the line, soon coming up to meet a boy about your age with a glimmering emerald gaze and a smile just as bright at the front counter.

“Hi!” The boy- Claude, according to his nametag- greeted, “How can I help you?”

“I’m just picking up an order for Eleonora Yumizuru.”

Claude nodded and typed a few things into a computer at the counter. “I know Ellie! She and I had Stats together before she dropped out to pursue her acting career. She’s certainly something.”

“Oh, definitely. I’m her roommate.” Speaking of the devil, your phone vibrated in your pocket. It was a message from her. “She actually just messaged me. Wants me to bring her a dumb little lemonade from that cafe.”

Claude laughed, “You can go and get it now, if you’d like. Your pizza will be a few more minutes. Ellie set the time for your pickup for later, so you’re actually ten minutes early.”

You thanked him and left, walking to the cafe. You took your time, observing the shops around you. Across the street from Golden Pizza stood the Blue Lion Buffet. You smiled to yourself- what a cliche to have rivals across from each other. Beside the pizza parlor was another food shop, the Eagles Freezery. You thought about Ferdinand- he said he was working today. Maybe you could drop by and- No. No, Y/N. Go get your lemonade and go.

A soft bell chimed as you opened the door. You saw four people in cafe uniforms, going about their day as you approached the register.

“Welcome to our humble abode!”

“Constance, that’s only used for a home.”

You shyly waved at the so-called Constance and the pink-haired girl who corrected her. Cafe des Loups- or Cafe of Wolves- was a quaint place, quiet and not crowded, kind of like an off-brand Starbucks. Dim lights adorned the high black ceiling, illuminating the shop just enough for a comforting ambience. There was a mural of a rainforest painted on the wall to the opposite of the counter with comfortable tables and lounging areas. If you could, you’d probably waste the day away lounging around. It was the perfect environment for an introvert like you.

At this shop, a large dark-haired man controlled the register instead of Claude. As you approached the register, you noticed that he wasn’t wearing a nametag, but you had a small urge to call him Bigfoot.

“Hey! What can I get ‘cha?”

You scoured the menu. “Just two pink lemonades is fine-”

“Oh! Good choice!” Constance interrupted you, coming to stand beside the man. “Yuri-bird over there makes the best sweet lemonades!”

You followed her gaze over to a man who was sitting on a stool, slouched down and leaning his head on his hand. He stretched and stood up. “Thank God, we haven’t had many customers all day. I was starting to think we lost our appeal.”

“Of course we have not!” Constance replied. She turned to you, but you couldn’t tell whether she was still talking to Yuri or you. Maybe it was neither. “Not when someone as handsome as Yuri is making the drinks and my attractive self is greeting the customers!”

“Hey! I’m just as much of a visual as the boss-man.” The taller man joined in after taking your money. “We’re all pretty nice looking. Especially this little lady ordering~”

You blushed a bit. “Oh, please, I’m nothing special-”

“Nothing special?” Constance laid her hand against her chest. “You’re wonderful! Almost on the same level as me. Isn’t that right, Yuri-birdie?”

Yuri looked up from making your drinks, his analytical eyes seemingly boring holes into you. You shuddered, feeling like he could tell your deepest and darkest secrets from just looking at you. He shrugged, going back to the lemonades.

“She’s alright, I suppose.”

“You suppose? Yuri, that’s rude-”

Hapi was midway through lecturing the purple-haired man when the door to the shop chimed open and a rather large group came in. Yuri looked up and suddenly stood alert, as did the other three workers. In the group, you saw a familiar head of orange hair and orange eyes met yours. Your face screwed up into confusion.

“Ferdinand?”

“Don’t say anything.” The leader of the group, a short, white-haired girl snarled. “Are you a new… worker here?”

“Wh- you just told me not to say anything.”

Slowly, Yuri and the other three came up beside you, standing slightly in front. Your heart nearly stopped- you were in the middle of something you definitely weren’t supposed to be in and your sass had gotten on their bad side already. The white-haired girl scrutinized the five of you, her lavender eyes piercing holes through whatever facade of confidence you had tried to put up. You could feel yourself literally wither under her gaze, even more than you did when Yuri looked at you.

“What do you want, Edelgard?” Yuri put his hands on his hip, one fiddling with something under his shirt.

“I want your loyalty.”

Yuri snorted. “You aren’t in charge.”

“I’m not? Hm. Tell that to my father after he stepped down. I’m the leader now- the emperor, if you will.” Edelgard sighed heavily. “I have no time for more conversation if you won’t comply. Hubert, deal with them.”

The terrifying man who you assumed was Hubert suddenly reached in his coat and pulled out a handgun, aiming it at the five of you. Yuri quickly retaliated and pulled one of his own, throwing it at Constance before grabbing your wrist and running to the back. A loud gunshot rang through the air as you and Yuri continued to run. You both dodged around coffee shop equipment and he dragged you through a labyrinth that they considered the back of the store.

As you were running, Yuri pulled you to a sharp right turn and your arm scraped against a metal machine in your way. You hissed in pain and looked down at it, seeing a large wound going down your shoulder to your elbow. It was starting to bleed rather quickly, but you had no time to worry about it. You’d have time to tend to it if you survived.

“What’s happening?”

“No time to explain. Quick, hide!”

Yuri pushed you against the wall in between two larger cabinets and stood in front, grabbing yet another gun from his other hip. He cocked it, listening for the ruckus of the fight in the main room to make its way towards your location. You were shaking like a leaf, grabbing tightly onto your wounded arm and smearing blood all over your fingers and your clothes. You breathed heavily, trying to calm yourself at least a little- was this why Ferdinand had been so defensive over the Eagles Freezery? What kind of restaurant rivalry would constitute attempted murder? And wasn’t this cafe uninvolved anyways? You didn't have time to ponder any more questions as a loud crash echoed through the room. Yuri lifted his gun and began to speak lowly, not taking his eyes off of the door.

“When I say run, go out the back door and get in the black car back there. Don’t go home- one of them will find you.”

A gunshot rang through the air and Constance, Balthus, and Hapi burst through the doors, running towards you all. Yuri turned to you as the three of them caught up to him, pulling out their own weapons again as Edelgard began yelling.

“Run!”

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taglist: @fairyblue-alchemist @emperor-pizza @flavoredmilktea @fe3h-random-writing-and-stuff @mifuyuyu @blviddyd @laurexlance @atomicchocolatecookie @mapesandoval @local-goth-lilz

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herstarburststories · 4 years

Text

Brutal (Dean Winchester x Reader)

✾ A/N: More Dean x reader content, but angst this time! Reposting because I had to edit a few things. Gif's credits on it. Based on the song ‘from the dining table’.

✾ Summary: Unlike her boyfriend, Dean Winchester, the reader wasn’t raised as a hunter. At first, it seems like a hard but worth it job. Unfortunately, you didn't have in mind how brutal all of it could get.

✾ Words: 3k.

"YOU ARE NOT YOURSELF ANYMORE, DEAN!"

The discussion over a delicate subject at the dining table was blossoming into something bigger. (Y/N) was on her feet, shouting at her boyfriend with a shaking voice; a manner that was very uncommon. You were used to Dean being stubborn, and you were not behind him in this aspect which caused a few disagreements here and there. That certain argument, though, was definitive in every meaning of the word.

"I HAVE ALWAYS MADE IT FUCKING CLEAR WHAT THIS LIFE WAS, (Y/N)!" Dean snapped back, anger dripping from his words like venom. He was hurt. How could you say that he was becoming a cold-hearted person? You, of all people. "IF I DON'T KILL IT, IT KILLS ME! THIS ISN'T AN APPLE PIE LIFE, AND YOU KNEW IT WHEN YOU DECIDED TO STAY HERE!"

"I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT VAMPIRES OR POLTERGEISTS OR WENDIGOS, DEAN! FUCK!" Your usual efficiency with words was starting to tangle with desperation. Dean didn't even see the problem, for God's shake. How could you keep this up? "I'M TALKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE! I SAW YOU KILL FIVE POSSESSED PEOPLE TODAY!"

"DEMONS!" He groaned and slapped the table. You jumped in surprise, making him regret getting out of control and coaxing a softer, calmer tone from his mouth. "I killed demons, not people."

"The demons were possessing them, and you killed them off without any regret. You didn't even take a minute to consider other options."

"What other options?" he questioned, obviously upset. What the hell were you doing? Becoming the devil's advocate all of sudden?

"Using the demon-killing knife to stab a non-vital part of their bodies? Maybe an exorcism?"

"None of those options would end the problem permanently. Do you have any idea how many sons of a bitch came back from hell to get Sam and me? It's them or us, (Y/N). And I will always choose us." Dean was aware that you weren't raised in this life like him and Sam, but this conversation was becoming frustrating and confusing. You were training to be like them. You went to hunts with them. You... You supported him. At least, you did last time he checked. "The human is long gone when they get possessed. Dying is the best thing that could happen to them after that."

You were supposed to be an easy case that turned out to be more complicated than previously expected, what meant both of them staying a little longer in the city, you catching feelings for Dean and vice-versa. After all you had seen, you knew that normal life was a long lost memory that you didn't wish to visit, leave alone live in. Hauntings, traveling across the country, having no banal responsibilities-- that seemed like the kind of dangerous fun you had been looking for your whole life. Then, you came with them. Killing things had never bothered you-- they weren't actually alive, for starts. Until you saw how cold Dean looked when he killed off possessed people-- the humans that were still in there somehow. And he kept doing it as if it were the only option. Of course, this job and violence walked side by side, but not unnecessary lethal choices. Dean certainly shared his portion of brutality, which wasn't tiny, but you would never picture your boyfriend as uncaring. Not until you watched five bodies piled up together, burning. What about the chance that those people should have gotten?

"Are you even listening to yourself, Dean? What if Sam had thought like that when you became a demon!?" Apprehensive, you tried to make him understand what was wrong.

Dean clenched his jaw before his answer came out, "Those are two different things, (Y/N). You know that."

"I..." You flinched, taking a deep breath and letting it out. You shut your eyes before opening them with a determinate glare, locking your gaze with his green one. "I can't. I said I would stand by you through anything, but I can't let this slide. Not like this."

"Because I killed a few demons?" The older Winchester grinned wryly. He was furious, scared by the possibility of you leaving him, and injured by your words. What else could a wounded animal do besides attacking? "I survived, (Y/N). I've killed many others, and I'm not fucking sorry for it. They had it coming. You knew that was my life, and you chose it. What are you going to do now? Play the coward? It's a dirty, fucked up job, but someone has to do it, and you knew that."

Offering a sad smile, you walked towards him and lifted your hand to claim his cheek only for him to pull away from you. Your heart ached, but you needed to do that. Stick to your morals and beliefs.

"I love you." And you did, you truly did. Unfortunately, blood was as normal as water in his mouth, and you couldn't help but remain nauseous after what you tasted. "But there is a better way. Maybe not perfect, but another decision. And if you can't see that, if you can't see why I find it wrong to just rush around with the knife in every situation--" Your voice almost broke. "Goodbye, Dean."

You turned around, passing away from the man you loved before another speech stopped you.

"I bet you regret leaving your home to run away with me now."

You didn't take two seconds to reply, and you desired that he could understand how hard it was for you too. "I would never regret you."

No ray of sunshine licked Dean's face to wake him up. Fortunately for the Winchesters' disorganized sleeping routine, the bunker prevented the sun from invading the window-- a perk of living almost under the land in a bunker.

Instead of a normal reason to emerge from his rest, Dean's eyes fluttered open from an annoying migraine. Perhaps he went a little too hard on the alcohol yesterday, but that was the last thing that mattered. Besides, even if it was an abnormal sensation, he wouldn't trade it for sake of 'drinking like a normal human being', as (Y/N) had teased him so many times before.

(Y/N).

It took two seconds after recovering consciousness to think about you.

“Where are you?” he said in a whisper, playing with himself to the silent walls. Dean laughed with his own brand of self-deprecation-- a learned cruelty to dilute the tug of his emotions before the eldest Winchester had to get up. He knew exactly where you resided and why you were there. He decided against feeding his masochism for once, not glancing at your side of the bed.

To face the light fixtures above him only made his current situation more depressing, just like the hints of paint that (Y/N) had once thrown there. Dean Winchester knew pain like no other; hell, purgatory, an emptied childhood, watching his mother seal a deal with a demon, living with the fact his father had gone to hell to save him, being right in front of Sammy when he died, all the bloody deaths he’d lived through again and again-- the list would go on. He could probably drown in an ocean of his deceased loved ones’ blood and swim there for hours until he reached its edge.

Most of the time, the life of a hunter was synonymous with tragedy.

Therefore, Dean was very experienced when it came to suffering. He even shared a last name with a rifle, for God’s sake. Destruction was stained in his bones. This time, it was a different kind of torment.

His heart had been broken before, sure. He wasn’t in his early twenties, neither was he a saint. Dean was aware that a break in relationships could be devastating.

But again, this time, it was different. (Y/N) had not only broke his heart. You ripped it out and threw it in the trash as you walked out the door without looking back. His trust was in your pockets, and the beliefs clinging to the divine sensation of your touch that left with you.

Dean Winchester was hopeless. Deciding not to mourn for a bit, he closed his eyes from the melancholy. It wasn't a hard job to fall asleep once more. People in his job were always heavy-eyed.

Forty minutes passed by the clock until the Winchester roused again. This moment felt missing without you snuggling up to him or kissing his neck between foolish giggles or even pushing him out of bed when you felt like playing the prankster.

There was no valid reason to remain where he was, glaring at a stupid ceiling that held nothing but an old light you installed together and memories. The yellow and blue paints still held firm where you’d spattered them, jumping in the bed together with your hands drenched in the colors from a gouache paint container just because you’d found the tins somewhere in the bunker. You and Dean became a tangled mess of greens, dirty with paint and kissing. How many sexual encounters happened here, he thought, glaring at this ceiling that looked like three-year-old Sammy’s art project.

The green-eyed man never thought he would feel nostalgic about a stupid ceiling. He had to get out of that room.

Finally raising from the mattress, Dean yawned as he padded towards the kitchen. He didn't mind checking what time it was, knowing he needed an alcoholic getaway. The Winchester sat down, sharing a bottle of Whiskey with his shadow. How distracting it was to make his throat burn when an unpleasant thought attempted to take control of his head.

If he had dared to look through the room, Dean would have noticed the clock's arrow pointing at 10:50 am.

By noon he was already drunk, which took a lot of effort since his tolerance to drinks was a bar high set. Dean groaned, displeased. The buzzy feeling of befuddlement hitting him certainly helped, but he could still affirm that he had never felt less cool. His body was starving for something that wasn't there anymore. Dean's feelings were all over the place, and he didn't have the energy to pick them up at this point.

"I can't believe you are drinking already." Sam sighed, making himself known by Dean in the kitchen. In response, all he got was his brother holding the glass up and drinking all of its bronze liquid. "It's barely noon, Dean. You-- Wait. Are you drunk?"

"Don't start, Sam." He groaned, holding his own cheeks with fingers as his hands slid down to his chin. The gesture was a habit of Dean's when he was fed up with something.

The younger one offered him an indignant glare, which was soon replaced by empathy and sorrow as he watched Dean. His brother was broken. (Y/N) running away from them had really taken him down. Part of Sam was hurt as well-- after all, you were his friend and confidant. But, in all ruthless honesty, he couldn't speak out and point fingers at you on that. Not about the whole situation, at all.

Yet, if Sam was feeling abandoned by his friend, he could only imagine what Dean would be experiencing. You had been a hint of happiness in the middle of misery and combat for Dean. It had been so long since Sammy saw his brother like that, so very long. Suddenly, it disappeared like smoke. And the worst part was that he understood your side. Deep down, the long-haired man knew Dean did, too.

Trying to knock sense back into his brother, or at least a bit of normality, Sam spoke, "You can go out and buy some whiskey. Your bottle was the last one."

"Yeah, right." His voice was impassive, almost serious for such casual conversation. He got up, going to the table to grab Baby's keys.

"Hey, Dean..." Dean turned around to face his brother. Sam’s expression was cautious, voice soft when he continued: "If you want to talk about it, I'm here. It could help."

"I'm pretty sure you heard the screaming yesterday, Sam," Dean replied dryly, an unsettlingly wry smile surfacing. His walls were up. It was an old defense mechanism. "There is nothing to talk about. She left. The sooner we can accept it, the sooner we can move on."

"Move on? You want to move on?" he questioned suspiciously, eyebrows arching to match his inquiry.

Dean didn't answer. He only picked up the keys.

"Dean--"

"Yeah, I think we are out of eggs, too," Dean interrupted. He didn't need to talk about it. Not now. "Whiskey and eggs, got it."

Any other remarks from Sam were ignored as he walked through the door, trotting in direction of his beloved Impala. An old song on one of his cassettes was the soundtrack to his five-minute ride to the nearest store.

Dean went searching for eggs and whiskey, adding a lemon pie that smelled better than himself-- not that it was difficult considering he hadn’t showered since yesterday. The store’s cashier swiped his credit card and offered a polite farewell that was replied with a nod. Everything seemed so normal in the most boring ways.

In the parking lot, a familiar face appeared for the first time in a year. It was Thomas-- a hunter that Dean, you, and Sam had come across during a job in New Mexico.

"Winchester!" The blue-eyed man smiled, making the scar near his lips more evident. Being thrown out of a window left marks sometimes. "It's been too long, dude."

"Cavill." His lips curved into a small smile as he greeted his friend. Laying his green eyes on him, Dean couldn't avoid noticing a familiar shirt. Fuck, he must be hallucinating or thinking too hard about foolish subjects. "Where have you been?"

"Burning bones, decapitating vamps. Same old, same old." Thomas waved his hand, banalizing the supernatural routine as if it were nothing but another Sunday. For them, this was true. "I saw (Y/N) yesterday. She seemed fine. Separate hunts to take different cases?"

His blood burned through an emotional fever in realization. It felt like the boil was intense enough to melt his bones if he remained in front of the other men for too long. Thomas had never been subtle about finding you attractive, and neither was his constant flirting when your cases collided. It didn't help that you and Dean weren't together back then, even though the tension was obvious for anyone. The Winchester gripped his grocery plastic bag harder, offering him a sarcastic smirk.

"Something like that." He reached the car door and pulled out his keys. The familiar red flannel, your meeting with him-- it was so obvious it was basically written all over his face, and sadly, Dean could read it well. Fuck, he wanted to drop his purchases and punch that smile off Thomas’ face. That man probably had more of what was once his. “Gotta go. See you around.”

Sliding in the car to leave this conversation before his treacherous mind could reach more detestable conclusions, Cavill answered, "If you need help, give me a call.''

Dean mumbled something but didn't care enough to give him anything beyond a nod while the Impala finally drove away from Thomas.

At that moment, he wished a bit harder that Ellen was still alive or that another bar like hers existed. The hunters’ bar was full of people who understood that death was a part of the job. Somewhere he could swallow barrels of alcohol, play darts and tell bloody stories about his world-- about the quintessential things he did to get despair out of his system to the point that he felt comfortable on his own skin again.

So, that was it? You didn't just leave him and Sam, but you also accused him with all certainty you had of being a cold killer, and then you slept with the first man who showed up? Who was also a fucking hunter? Why the fuck didn't you tell him how you felt sooner? He wasn't an angel-- he would be even more of an arrogant asshole than he already was if that was the case, but you knew it all along. He didn't deserve anything good in his life. He should've seen it coming.

Dean pursed his lips, deciding for another ride to a normal bar. Home and all the beautiful, tragic ghosts inside could haunt him later.

It didn't take him long to park near an establishment. For once, he noticed the strong grip he held on the steering wheel, knuckles strained whiter than usual. He let out a tired sigh, glaring at the entrance of the place before grabbing his phone.

No calls from you. No text messages from you. Just the feeling of being a thirteen-year-old boy again, just like when he was waiting for Mary to send him a sign that she was all right.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Dean put it back in his pocket and made his way to the bar. No 'welcome' board light was shining yet, and he doubts anyone but he and the owner would be there. Once he got in, two guys were sitting in a table far away, and a girl was entering the bathroom. The bartender stood behind the bar, watching some game on the small television the place provided.

"Whiskey. No ice." His words came out harsher than he expected. The guy didn't seem to notice or care, simply nodding his head and turning around go get his client's order. One more time, Dean took his phone and stared at it. There was nothing but a text from Sammy that he quickly replied to, frowning in disappointment. It was rare for you to be the first one to break after a fight, but that was more than a stupid argument. You had left. You had fucking left. And he was the only one to blame.

Such a miserable routine kept its course. Dean would drink, check his phone, and hurt himself with his own thoughts. The night came with lurking shadows, and he couldn't care less. It seemed like the ghosts had replaced the bunker for his company. He didn't want to believe you would come back because hoping and being destroyed again was too much to bear with right now. Dean couldn't even breathe properly at the thought that he would never, ever see touch you, tease you, or be with you again. You had him wrapped around your finger since the very first day until you cut your hand off and left him. You left. How could you have left? But then, how could you had stayed if you had it all in your mind before?

Someone sat beside him. Still, it didn't catch the Winchester's attention until he heard her voice. For a flash of a second, he thought it was you. Dean looked up instantly, only to find himself incredulous.

The woman in front of him looked so much like you. She could easily be mistaken for your sister. Hair, eyes, voice. Everything but the lips were so similar. The unknown girl kept her gaze on Dean despite his strange reaction to her. Repeating her former words, she asked, "What are you drinking? Seems good."

Yeah, she wasn't (Y/N). You could tell what he was drinking from miles away, just because you knew exactly what he enjoyed. In addition, you’d seen his preferences so much that you’d memorized it all without even trying.

She looked like you, though. A lot. The earlier jealousy mixed with a dangerous quantity of alcohol and anguish made his decision. Move on, just like he told Sam. You didn't call him. You weren't coming back. That was your choice. He had to shut up the little hopes in his mind.

Putting up his best sultry smirk, Dean pushed the glass on the table towards her as he answered: "You tell me."

Two hours later, he was tilting his head to the side, watching the woman in his sheets peacefully taking a nap after a long run. Her hand covered most of her face, pillow carpeted with her messy hair.

"Wake up, (Y--)" Dean restrained himself from finishing that sentence. He almost said your name. It was hard enough to keep the woman's name, which he had forgotten by now, on his tongue during sex-- he wasn't going to give in at the end of it. Clearing his throat, the hunter started waking her up again. He needed to go.

In any other point of his life, he would've considered that night a success. A hot girl was sleeping beside him after he had a great amount of old whiskey. Sammy sent a text about a new case, and he had pie waiting for him in the car. At any other moment, that would be enough to put him in a good mood all day. In any other age, that would be considered a good day. No one died, he had sex and food and was about to hunt a thing and blow whatever it was up.

But you hadn't called.

It was probably a good thing in a messed up way. It was tranquil. There was no arguing, no fighting, no hurting from either side. That kind of hurt was quite similar to being comfortable, in a tremendously distorted way that he didn't wish to feel, like not putting medicine on the wound and just allowing it to heal by itself-- yet, occasionally scratching it. The idea of a comfortable silence was so overrated. Dean would rather be screamed at by (Y/N) by now than whatever this option was.

The woman woke up and left a note with her phone as she abandoned the room. Crumbling the paper, he threw it away and touched his face. A deep breath was taken.

He had work to do.

Maybe one day you'll call me

and tell me that you’re sorry too

But you never do

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