#these people were obviously never 13yo

[takiki16]

so what’s the deal with your new blorbo? assume 1. i know how football works (used to actually watch) but not how/why some players get famous; (2) i know nothing about messi except that he. exist; (3) feel free to go bananas to your heart’s content if you decide to answer this.

fuuuuUUUUUUUQ ME. Can litchrally any Argentinian, any FC Barcelona supporter, ANYONE who has followed fuutyball for more than *checks watch* TWO WEEKS spot me for this one?!?! I am GROSSLY underqualified to answer this question Cunningham's law is about to hunt me for SPORT.

Okay. LIONEL MESSI. I can't summarize everything about this Guy who is currently one of the Main Characters of the most watched sport in the world, but I CAN summarize how he has started cooking my brain!!!

(that is him!!!! my guy!!!! HIM JUMP)

I have been trying to read a book with @rhaeneystargaryen for at least a couple years now, but somehow never had the spoons or the right overlapping interest. And then she told me that she was reading this:

I figured I would give it a try! I wanted something low effort, low investment, something I didn't care a whole lot about that I could put down at any moment bc work has been hell lately. And then I hit THIS line in the introduction, and I could literally FEEL the cursed hyperfixation key in my brain start to turn:

GUESS WHICH ONE IS MESSI!!!!!

I'm not a twitter stan, I swear. I am AWARE there is a media layer here. These people are real, actual human beings with documented flaws and mistakes, I am WELL AWARE that they are ungodly wealthy pro athletes and not "stars who are just like us!!! ✨✨✨." It's also obviously reductive and unfair to view anyone solely through a comparative lens - no living being could live up to the marketing hype that has been generated around Messi, Ronaldo, or indeed any pro athlete in the elite leagues.

BUT GOTDAM IF THIS FUCKER DOESN'T MAKE IT HARD!!!!

Bare bones: Lionel Messi is a football player born in Rosario, Argentina, who at 13yo moved to Spain to play for FC Barcelona. He joined the adult team at a whole ass 17 years old. Ensue absolutely RIDICULOUS teen prodigy meteoric rise, with both Messi and Barcelona winning all the Best Football Awards ever and Best Individual Sports Achievements in Everything. I have spent the last two weeks spending FAR too much time reading football books, and all the gotdam graphs look like this:

People talk about Messi being the player who made them fall in love with "the most beautiful game," and I can SEE WHY!!! HERE I AM!!!! A CLOWN!!! ALSO FALLING IN LOVE!!!! I am googling sports highlight reels of his plays like a CHAD FOOTY HOOLIGAN!! WHO AM I, I AM HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS. It is just so much fun to WATCH him! Listening to commentators screaming "Eight, ten, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MANY DEFENDERS THERE HE GOES THROUGH THEM!!! MESSI GOAAAALLLLL"

What makes it WORSE is the whole fukken rivalry business the book was about. Cristiano Ronaldo was another super-gifted player who debuted at about the same time and had a similar prodigy teen genius rise. He signed for a rival club in the same league at the same time Messi was playing with Barcelona. The story reads like a gotdam Hollywood sports drama, on both an individual and a team level!! I cannot IMAGINE what it was like watching this unfold as it was happening!

For starters: on an individual level, they were constantly thrown up against each other for every award imaginable. The Ballon d'Or awards list, which crowns you King of Soccer for the year, has looked like this since 2008:

(there is obviously talk that Messi is up for an EIGHTH award this year, but I don't think about the future bc it is bad for my cooked brain 😊)

On a team level, there was (and IS) of course the clubs. I am ABSOLUTELY not qualified to get into the weeds on this, but the rivalry between Barcelona and Real Madrid has deep, deep political, historical, and cultural roots going back (among other things) to Catalonian oppression under the fascist Franco regime in Spain. Josep Suñol, then-president of FC Barcelona, was shot in 1936 by Francoist troops.The matches between the two clubs and the two players with their drastically different teams and styles at the time were super-charged - an ACTUAL QUALIFIED Barcelona supporter is going to have to get in here and explain the history and emotion behind the Clasicos bc THAT IS SEVERAL BOOKS IN AND OF ITSELF!!!!!

The whole point of THIS particular book was not, in fact, a blow-by-blow comparison of the players. The point was that by being WHO they were and WHEN they were, Messi and Ronaldo changed the shape of the game forever in terms of marketing, branding, team strategy, finances, etc etc etc. It's an interesting read (if not entirely unbiased on all points), if you enjoy the absolute blood and oil-soaked clown show that is professional football money!

But ANYWAY.

AFTER I finished the book Messi ended up cooking my brain bc (1) all of the context above re: rivalry in league football, and (2) his PERSONALITY. Someone made him in a lab to ruin my life!

I mean, the club loyalty gets me. For his entire professional career, Messi has played for exactly two teams - Barcelona and his homeland Argentina NT. He only left Barcelona in 2021, VERY much against his will (per him, his agent, his friends, his family, AND FC Barcelona) due to an absolute hot mess of a league financial situation that is apparently still sorting itself out. I don't know how common it is for pro athletes at his level to move around, but I feel like it's more common than that!!! THE CLUB LOYALTY gets me, the HOME LOYALTY gets me!!!! Especially as he's gotten better and better, and there's been more and more pressure on him to keep delivering even in the absence of anything else!

The gotdam STOICISM also gets me!!! Call it shyness, call it humility, call it down-to-earthness or reservedness or whatever you want - what everyone kept mentioning about him in the books (and what certain French marketing departments are still probably saying about him) is how QUIET he is. Journalists would complain about how he "made it to age 30 without ever uttering an interesting sentence in public." A Nike exec who lost a bid with his agent for a sponsorship waved it off by saying "Imagine how much trouble we would be in if Messi had a personality." Relative to his peers in the elite football world, he doesn't have a flash lifestyle with a huge entourage. He doesn't do a lot of press. He doesn't try to push a personal brand, even though it's a big chunk of income for wherever he plays. Even though he obviously COULD, he doesn't go around talking about Greatest Of All Time (TM). When he DOES give interviews he doesn't even talk super loudly. He keeps to his immediate family and his closest circle of friends.

AND YET. AND YET. ON THE PITCH, HE PLAYS LIKE HE DOES. He creates not just for himself, but for his TEAMMATES the way that he does! I realize that NO ONE gets an award for being a team player in a team sport, or for "not being as much of a dick as you could have been," but HE STILL HAS HIS HOMETOWN ACCENT!!! He dedicates his goals to his GRANDMOTHER! He met his wife when he was FIVE YEARS OLD, he has never had a relationship with anyone else ("It has always been Antonella, for me"), he has three beautiful kids, his teammates keep apparently falling in love with him and doing Intricate Rituals, I AM ENDEARED I AM ENDLESSLY ENDEARED

Did I mention he is also very short? Allow me to mention that. 5"7 / 1.7 meters in pro-athlete world is PICK-UPABLE SIZE. Multiple reels out there of his teammates celebrating goals just by PICKING HIM UP it MAKES ME SO FOND

(on an Intricate Rituals note, Messi's size and his evasive style of play has caused a lot of opposing team's strategy to be "make a cage, kick him as soon as you can and tackle often," which has in turn prompted a lot of specific protection strategies for him as a forward and also over-protective teammates :)))). WHICH OF COURSE COOKS MY BRAIN EVEN MORE YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.)

And that isn't even STARTING on his saga with the Argentina NT, which reads like YET ANOTHER HOLLYWOOD SPORT DRAMA that I cannot believe actually happened!

Again, I am begging ANY Argentine to jump in here, I AM GROSSLY IGNORANT as to the history of this sport I got here two whole weeks ago how is this HAPPENING to meeeeeeee

My very basic understanding of the situation is that Messi has played for the national team ever since 2004, whenever he was on break from Barcelona. Over the years since then, Argentina (with Messi) has tried again and again to win the World Cup (and the Copa America), but consistently failed despite regularly advancing to finals. BECAUSE Messi was on the team, Argentina routinely and perhaps unfairly got billed as "favorites" to win, with criticism in the press being focused disproportionately on Messi when they didn't. I don't know how bad the situation in Argentinian media got, but even the western English outlets were picking it up. "Messi plays better for Barcelona than for his home country, Messi isn't Argentinian enough, Messi keeps too much to himself and doesn't sing the anthem,etc etc etc". Maradona famously commented that Messi was "a great person, but had no personality," and that it was useless to try to make a leader out of him because he caved under pressure (referring to Messi reportedly being sick from nerves before the world cup games).

(note: gotdam rivalry. Of the people named who would be better and more stylish leaders, Cristiano Ronaldo was up top )

The pressure DID get to Messi in the end - he issued a statement in 2016 saying he would retire from international football, but there was a huge home campaign to get him to come back to the team. Argentina still didn't win the 2018 World Cup (players of opposing teams said that their strategy against Argentina was not letting them pass to Messi). And so on, and so forth.

AND THEN!!!!! 2021!!!!!

I THINK I HAVE POSTED FAR TOO MUCH ALREADY about the current Argentina NT for someone who, as I said, JUST ARRIVED AT THIS GOTDAM SPORT, but I'm going to make everyone look at these quotes again. These are quotes the team has given ABOUT MESSI HOW IS THIS REAL????

Argentina would go on to win the Copa America - and then...well 🥰

I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE EXPLAINED THIS ADEQUATELY!!! I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE SUFFICIENTLY REPRESENTED THE DEGREE TO WHICH MY BRAIN IS COOKED!!! Did that mean anything to anyone???? I don't know!

HELL

[icarianiscariot]

🍁 🧡 🦚 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️ if you want? But no pressure 💖💖💖 Big love!

NOT ME REBLOGGING AN ASK GAME AND THEN COMPLETELY FORGETTING ABT IT oTL

also desktop makes some of these emojis funky so im sorry if they don't translate back to mobile emojis well (esp the trans flag)

🍁 - When did you first realize you were queer?

when i was like, twelve or thirteen?? my friends and i all kinda figured it out around the same time together so it was a very like, "hmmm i think i like Women" "oh me too" "yeah i think i'm like. Gay" casual thing (at least, it was to me)

🧡 - How has the way you presented yourself (ex. Clothing, hairstyle, etc.) changed since you realized you were queer?

well im still fucking emo LMAO. uhhh but literally now i cut my own hair and have bangs and bleach it and dye it in ways i never got to. i'd say i'm more comfortable now?? idk my style hasn't changed hugely bc i've always been a "hoodies and skinny jeans" person, but i'm def more comfortable in Formal Clothes now, like button-ups and dresses. also 13yo me would never be caught dead in shorts above the knee but here i am, somehow less Girl yet more Comfortable With Femininity ??

idk i was going to a private lutheran school and also didn't have a lot of freedom in general with my style so obviously things have changed since i've become an adult and the inherent difference in appearance that one takes over the course of a decade and adolescence. this answer is probs v different for people who realized later in life which is fair but like. my queerness has always been an aspect of my identity ever since i was at the age where i was FORMING an identity, so it wasn't like a huge game-changer for me, it just helped explain who i was better.

🦚 - Are there any queer books/shows/etc. that you would suggest?

for the anime gang, Given is a big one, as well as Sasaki To (And?) Miyano (sometimes i see the title as "sasaki to miyano" and sometimes "sasaki and miyano," idk) - both are mlm high school romances and they're SO GOOD.

the owl house is a huge one for me. our flag means death. what we do in the shadows.

technically the six of crows duology isn't like, A Queer Book (Duology) but there are explicitly queer characters and who DOESN'T love a good heist??

i'm sure i'm forgetting some, i'm VVVVV bad at recalling recs off the top of my head, and i def am too big into fandom/fanfic and know most of my media isn't Actually queer rip

on that note, if y'all ever have any queer recs, PLZZZ hmu!! i have been itching more for like. adult-oriented content like OFMD and WWDITS, with adults figuring their shit out over high school coming of age, but OBVIOUSLY high school coming of age can still slap and i still def consume it. idk if there's a mom "i'll always love you" scene in it i'll cry automatically so

🏳️‍🌈 - Do you enjoy the colors of your preferred flag? Do you incorporate it into your outfits, decor, etc.?

YES THE BISEXUAL FLAG IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT <333 blue/purple/pink is THEEE best color combo, sorry not sorry <333 there are def other pretty flags (aro and ace flags each are fantastic, love the black/gray/white with a pop of color in them sm) but i love the bisexual flag so much. i absolutely wear it frequently. i have multiple tie-dyed clothing items that are this color scheme. i love wearing it, i love dyeing my hair this combination of colors, etc etc.

the genderqueer flag is fine enough but idk i'm not a huuuuge fan of the green/white/purple (esp also now that TERFs on twitter use it to identify each other?? bc those are also the suffragette colors. suffragettes: cool. TERFs: uncool. genderqueerness: banger)

the nonbinary flag hits the aro + ace "black/white/[color]" sweet spot but at the same time it feels like the yellow and purple are from different palettes..... there's a post abt it floating around somewhere that i big agree with......... hmmm

the aromantic flag is banger as previously stated, we love to see it

🏳️‍⚧️ - What Flag do you think has the best color scheme?

bisexual flag EZ. asexual, aromantic, agender, trans, and bear pride flags are also all v pretty / good combos!!

send me some queer asks perchance (i promise not to forget them this time)

[imjusthereforbatfam]

Okay. Everyone knows by now that Jason is my fav, but I'm feeling emotionally vulnerable so i wanna talk about Damian for a minute.

I need y'all to understand that Damian holds an incredibly special place in my heart. I adore him to pieces. He is my smol angry boi. My stabby son, if you will. He's a total little shit and I love him and want to give him everything good in this world.

Because that little turd, that fucking brat reminds me of my younger self So. Freaking. Much.

Obviously we're quite different in many ways (fortunately for everyone else, my 10-13yo self was never trained as an assassin) but like... I just look at him and I see that proud, bitter, hurt, creative, angry kid who had to grow up too fast and thought they knew everything about the world and was convinced that people couldn't change and that if you're not hurting/using others they were trying to hurt/use you and shit like that

Idk man. I dont care if he stabs me, i just want to give him a hug. I want him to be a kid and get to enjoy himself, like when he plays video games or draws or hangs out with Jon. I want him to feel loved and accepted like he does whenever he's with Dick. I want him to feel safe enough to let his walls down, as he often does with his animals.

I want to see him do and have all the things I didn't have or didn't get to do because it brings my soul comfort. And because I can look at him and look at me and can see how far he could eventually grow given the time and compassion he needs and I just 😭😭💕

Anyway tldr: I love Damian, he is my son, i have total faith in who he can become, & people are lucky 12yo me didn't have his training because I too had a katana and a bad attitude and was not afraid to use either 🥰💕

[chitsangenthusiast]

fic writer review

tagged by @bisexuallsokka thank you 🧡 🧡 putting my tagging here so @maderilien @dickpuncher420 @marriedzukka @zukoscalzones @babydotcom if any of you are interested!!

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 27! only eight of those were written within the past two years tho lol

2. what's your total ao3 word count? 163,360.....which felt fake bc of the long break between writing so i counted only the recent fics and that's. still 91,749 holy shit lmao

3. how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? if i'm remembering correctly, then six! (atla, harry potter, that singular fruits basket fic when i was 14, kpop (shh), marvel, mdzs, and atla again lol)

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? useless facts (clintbucky - and tbh only bc it's a 5yo fic lol)

hold me like you do, cover me in blue (zukka)

hands, knees, please, tangerine (zukka)

get a glimpse of this candy paint (clintbucky - also a 5yo fic lol)

don't go wasting your emotion (sangcheng)

5. do you respond to comments, why or why not? i actually didn't use to, but i do now. i feel like the 'leave a comment' game has changed significantly on ao3 and i like showing my appreciation back now! (oh man i have so many comments i still need to respond to omg)

6. what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? lmfao none. i'm not a huge fan of writing angst-based stories or endings, BUT i guess technically it's the mallrat in me can be considered for this one since chpt 4 did end with some angst (for now!)

7. do you write crossovers? if so, what's the craziest one you've written? i don't write fandom crossovers but i do like writing ridiculous au's, and i would say that the funniest jobs i've given any character was the clintbucky exterminator/locksmith story that never got finished lol (rip)

8. have you ever received hate on a fic? holy shit poor little 13yo kath used to get OBLITERATED for my characterizations lmfaoooo please know that my attempts at writing good characterizations now come from blood, sweat, and (literal) tears

(still salty i never received hate from the sangcheng troll last year tho. they loved to attack me on twitter but NOT my fics??? i feel slighted smh)

(more below! felt it got long!!)

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? l m f a o

anyway keep me humming, keep me going is now the second fic that has a title from beyonce's song 'blow' bc those lyrics have a chokehold on me when i write nsfw!

10. have you ever had a fic stolen? no but i've had specific passages from some really old stuff that was stolen and very obviously rewritten/paraphrased, which is. harder to prove lol

11. have you ever had a fic translated? nothing recent but a few of my old hp fics on ff.net were translated!

but omg the best time it ever happened was a year ago when i found out that not only had a 15yo fic of mine been translated (and credited!), it had also been converted into a beautiful pdf!!! complete with cover art and border art!!!! wasn't even aware it was done bc whoever did it had only done it within the last few years i think, but it was such a wild experience to find it i have the pdf saved on my laptop lol

12. have you ever co-written a fic before? i have not! i don't think i've ever had a dedicated beta either, which probably explains a lot lol

13. what's your all-time fave ship? ALTAIR/MALIK they're not even my first otp (which draco/ron and zukka still go strong, followed by clintbucky) but THEY are the ones that seize my heart like no other ship has done 🧡🧡

14. what's a fic you want to finish but don't think you ever will? the zukka ba sing se/blue spirit poetry fic 😔 which is unfortunate bc i'm still so excited to write it/there's a lot written of it, but chaptered fics are nerve-wracking lol

15. what are your writing strengths? idk if ppl necessarily like it, but i really like my writing style! sure it's obvious i write for fanfic vs anything publishable, but i enjoy that lol

also ppl tell me i'm really good at banter, characterizations, and immersing them in the story, which is wonderful bc i do work really hard on that!

16. what are your writing weaknesses? finding the right words. in general, it's so extremely hard for me in that i don't have much of a mental dictionary/thesaurus i guess. it can be upsetting at times, especially when i know there's a better word or way to phrase the line but just have to let it go. i am simply not one of those people who can come up with big words (or words that are like. normal ones to use when describing smth lol)

17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages on a fic? it can be a good touch to the fic! i don't have very strong feelings on it, i suppose

18. what was the first fandom you ever wrote for? atla, tho harry potter is the one that actually survived the period of fic deletion i once went through on ff.net lol

19. what is your favorite fic ever written? everyone is going to know the answer to this one, but hmlyd hands down my actual baby <333 after a 4yr long break from writing, i knocked out 3 fics but it was hmlyd that really got me excited! writing it was a BLAST, my entire heart went into it, and it's one of my fics that i actually do genuinely go back and read frequently bc it makes me so happy lmao

tbh if i hadn't written hmlyd, i probably would've stopped writing for the fandom after hands, knees, please, tangerine and gone back to lurking lmao

(keep me humming, keep me going is a good contender tho. which goes to show that the fastest way to my heart is just inundating myself with tender competitive lovers lmao)

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

OKAY so last night i said something in tags about “ask me about my thoughts on atla post-canon polyamory” 99% because I had typed a bunch of shit in the tags and then accidentally CLOSED THE TAB thus losing said tags, so that was a bummer, BUT like 3 different people reached out wanting to hear about it so HERE GOES. (thanks to @taibhsearachd for rambling this out with me last night)

SO. this started bc we got somehow on the topic of how much we really disliked the whole Aang/Katara kiss at the end of the show.  Not because we’re against them kissing (Aang had to already have turned 13 by then, an innocent kiss is perfectly reasonable for a 13yo in my opinion), but because the placement of the kiss made it so... CENTRAL. We were talking about how we would’ve liked the kiss to have been earlier, preferably before the big finale, and then like... they still could’ve had a soft romantic moment on the balcony but it could’ve been like.  Hand holding or sitting together with Katara’s head on his shoulder.

And Birdie mentioned she’d always liked Zutara back in Ye Olde Tymes because the whole “Aang and Katara get together when they’re barely 13 and 15″ thing just seemed... really untenable if we’re going with endgame, AND it made a lot of sense to get Katara and Zuko together politically, especially since there’s nooooo princess up north anymore since she turned into the moon and all. But the resurgence of the fandom (thank you for once Netflix!) has opened our eyes to ZUKO AND SOKKA and that’s fuckin amazing but now we’re back to square one in re: Aang and Katara. But then I realized that we can fix all of this with a) allowing for healthy breakups of relationships that don’t work yet but might work when the people involved have grown/processed things, and b) extensive polyamory.

And so here’s my thought:

Aang and Katara break up for a while probably not long after the end of book 3.  They’re fucking kids, they’re traumatized kids no less, and they both have a lot of shit they need to deal with both personally and in the world that isn’t really conducive to “baby’s first serious relationship”.  They’re still friends, they view it as “well... let’s maybe try again in a few years if we’re both still interested”.  All their friends are aware of this and supportive and in the end it’s healthy for both of them bc their traumas and coping mechanisms didn’t always play nice with each other even BEFORE all the fallout from the finale and having to take on more responsibility in the world and such.

Zuko properly gets with Sokka and Suki during this time, though there’s no talk of like. Marriage or anything. Yes, Sokka’s politically got the same sort of appeal as Katara, but the thing about politically advantageous marriages at that level is there’s sort of the assumption that you’ll be, y’know, having heirs, so Sokka’s not really cut out for that and Suki flat out refused to be official Fire Lady or whatever.

So once Katara and Aang are older, like Aang’s 17 and Katara’s 19 and Zuko’s sitting over here at 21, and his advisors are all “ok but seriously Fire Lord Zuko, we really should look into at least a BETROTHAL of some sort” and he just sighs, and they’re bringing up all these Fire Nation ladies and he’s like “no it’s gotta be more diplomatic than that, she shouldn’t be Fire Nation” and so one of them’s like “well, uh, that water tribe lady you’re friends with, she’s set to be a pretty strong leader as she gets older, that would be a good way to do it.  Or that blind Earth Kingdom--” “NOT TOPH.” “ok but seriously, tho, think about it your majesty”

So Zuko’s torn because he really does like Katara, and she’d be an amazing Fire Lady in addition to being an amazing... whatever her title would be down in the Southern Water Tribe (I definitely picture her and Sokka basically being the leaders of the pan-tribal council - he handles military and adjacent stuff and she handles the rest).  But Katara’s with Aang again FINALLY not that they’ve made a big deal of it outside their friends.  BUT he knows that y’know... people can be with more than one person.  Hell, look at him and Sokka and Suki, right?

So he goes to talk to Aang like “I want to make sure I run this past you so she doesn’t have to try and do it, because I’m the one even bringing it up, and it’s obviously up to her, BUT here’s the sitch”.

And see, the thing about the Air Nomads is it really doesn’t make sense to me that they’d have the same kind of ideas about like.  Monogamy and parenthood and relationships as other nations, ‘cause like.... the kids are clearly raised communally.  Like, I vote ‘you probably know who your parents are but really all the adults are your parents, maybe you get an extra cake from them on your birthday but that’s about it’ for the most part. And y’know being with who you want to be with sort of thing. Sure you’ll have people you might be more committed to, but by and large the general consensus is “love who you love, whoever and however many people that is!”

So Zuko’s all prepared to angst for even ASKING if Aang would mind playing technical second fiddle in an heir-producing/marriage/inheritance/etc sense to HIM, ugh what if Aang hates him for even thinking it? and Aang’s just like “oh yeah that’s cool dude, if she’s down go for it! You wanna talk to her together? I don’t mind being there to reassure her it’s ok, and that you weren’t asking me permission to ask her so much as you were making sure it wouldn’t upset me if you did, and all that�� and Zuko’s like “...what. I.  Ok sure?”

And Katara does like Zuko, she just y’know, also liked Aang and didn’t want to GIVE UP Aang, but Zuko’s like “it’ll be good for our people, and I’d never make you stay in the fire nation full time you have your own responsibilities and also you don’t have to stop being with Aang or even like hide it or anything, it’s not like people don’t know I’m with Sokka and stuff, it’s just, y’know, OFFICIAL HEIRS and stuff” and so she’s like “Oh!  Oh, yeah, that’s good, we can have a couple kids and stuff”

But ofc they end up a lot closer than “just a couple kids” but it’s sweet!  She has kids with Zuko and kids with Aang and really as long as one of them turns out a firebender (can the avatar have a kid of any bending type? NO ONE KNOWS but Zuko’s advisors are prepared to accept it at this point) so long as they end up with A VIABLE HEIR that Zuko will claim etc etc.

And of course Zuko and Sokka and Suki have a couple kids whose parentage is uncertain not that they really CARE, and Suki and Aang aren’t really into each other romantically but when they’re a bit older they discuss it and decide to have a kid just so they can have a shot at a potential airbender baby, because heck yeah rebuilding the airbenders, might as well get some extra genetics up in this ish.

And these kids are all largely raised together in this big pack of like 10 kids of varying ages who move between 2 or 3 different homes, and Zuko rules the Fire Nation and Sokka and Katara lead the southern water tribes, and Aang does his Avatar thing, and they all spend as much time together as possible with the kids and Suki and some of her girls from Kyoshi Island are the main people ALWAYS THERE for the kids.

And there’s at least one kind of each bender in the group (bc you can’t tell me it’s 100% you have to have a bending parent, considering neither Katara’s mother or father were benders, so one of Suki’s kids is DEFFO an earthbender) and they’re a chaotic bunch and sometimes the Gaang forgets which one of them provided the genetics for which kid but really it doesn’t matter bc they’re ALL the kids’s parents, and all the kids are ALL their kids, and it’s a big happy messy disaster of a polycule that the Fire Nation nobility and advisors despair over, but they can’t deny that it seems to be working out pretty well and that the Fire Lord is good at his job and pretty damn happy, so they don’t bitch too much about it.

...Also at some point Sokka and Toph discuss dating and end up sort of doing it for a while but then going back to being friends, but she does ABSOLUTELY get him to father one of her kids, which she then declares firmly she made out of a rock and bended to life, and most people are preeeeetty sure she’s full of shit but can’t fully discount the possibility and only the Gaang knows the truth.

so yeah that’s my avatar polyamory thoughts, it is not canon-compliant with legend of korra but who cares this is my imagination and headcanon and LoK doesn’t play into it at all. *nod*

[fiveisnumber1]

I just listened to Rob Thomas' Little Wonders again. I LOVE Meet the Robinsons so much and it suddenly gave me the following headcanons:

The H7 realize that the Hargreeves have never seen Meet the Robinsons and choose it for family movie night one night. The fact that the film is about adopted family and not knowing where you fit in and overcoming hardship just hits a nerve and by the point of the ending song each of the Hargreeves are in tears but will VEHEMENTLY deny it if asked later. ("The lights were off in the parlor so nO THERE'S NO PROOF WE CRIED.") Meanwhile the H7 share secret high fives and happy grins cuz mission accomplished!

Just the following lyrics I feel would strike a chord in them all but Five especially cuz he was alone for so long and was literally fighting time and thought everyone would die as well:

Let it go. Let it roll right off your shoulder. Don't you know, The hardest part is over. Let it in. Let your clarity define you In the end. We will only just remember how it feels. Our lives are made, In these small hours, These little wonders. These twists and turns of fate. Time falls away. But these small hours. These small hours still remain.

Time literally did fall away. It was no longer their greatest enemy and all the Hargreeves realizing that it took decades for them to find peace and clarity but now they have it and that clarity of who they choose to be defines them, not what Reginald made them out to be.

But also I have a SECOND headcanon based on Meet the Robinsons itself:

So you know how once the timeline is fixed, there's still gonna be a 13 year old Five time traveling from the past to the future, right? I just love the idea of there being a whole "Meet the Family" scene but with the H7 and 13yrold!Five cuz why are these strangers living in his house?

If we make it a stretch, maybe Five doesn't realize his older siblings are his siblings either and can "meet" them too cuz they look different (and maybe they cover their tattoos and he's already suspicious cuz of the H7) so he doesn't realize who they actually are (which is difficult I know cuz he's so smart but we can pretend to partially suspend our disbelief over Five's intellect xD)

I just love the idea of Five being genuinely freaked out by these flamboyant teenagers in his home cuz he's never been around people before let alone older kids and these wacko adults who could very well be their older siblings. He goes to find the Reader across the street but she isn't there obviously cuz she lives in the mansion too so Five's got his proof that he's in 2019 but no clue where his family are.

Meanwhile, the H7 (and the Hargreeves if they see him too) instantly recognize little Five and older!Five slowly gets paradox psychosis again and once he gets home demands to know what's going on. Younger Five gets the correct time travel equation from older Five and can go back obviously but I feel like there's a lot of humor to be had from this situation.

Maybe younger Five also only trusts only the Reader even if she's older now and nobody else. Older!Five is like... "I've had it with my younger selves disrespecting me!" cuz it would be a funny callback to the S2 fight between the two Fives except there's no way Older!Five would willingly fight the actual child version of himself even if 13yrold!Five makes it very tempting. And 13yrold!Five isn't stupid enough to fight a version of himself who both clearly looks and acts older and has more training even though he runs his mouth.

And idk if and how younger Five would find out older him and the Reader are dating but I feel that would be comedic all on its own with the Hargreeves crowing and teasing 13 year old Five for his blush thinking of his own version of Reader because dang they all missed when he used to do that and got all frustrated and its adorable seeing their tiny brother so shy at finding out he and the Reader do end up together.

Oh my god, thank you for reminding me about this movie! I love it so much, it is one of the best Disney movies and I’m going to be honest, I cry every time the movie finishes and little wonders plays. Also, I had the biggest crush on Wilbur when this movie came out. I was like a child in 2007 but apparently dark-haired screw-up with good intentions is still the type of character I have a crush on. Some things never change...but I’m getting away from the point. 

I completely agree with your first idea and that the Hargreeves would all be crying at the end of the movie (as I do myself lol) but would have plausible deniability because no one could really see so.

I also think your second idea is very funny even if it does take a lot of suspended disbelief. The humor that can come from such a situation is fantastic. There are so many ideas like his adult siblings teasing 13year old!Five. Just imagine them telling Five that the reader is alive and 13yo!Five gets all flustered about her. The poor boy unable to properly express his feelings and he just starts getting absolutely roasted by a bunch of adults

Or imagine he finds the H7 first and nobody has told him what year it is. And the H7 has a somewhat similar resemblance to his siblings from the last time he saw them. Not the same but very close. And so I just imagine him being like “these seem like it could be them, it has been a while since I saw them.” and he just assumes the H7 are his siblings. And now I can’t decide if they would play along or not just to screw with 13yo!Five but it would still be funny.

Also, the idea of Five and the reader being out somewhere and Five just starts to get paradox psychosis symptoms. Like itching, and sweating, and extreme thirst and he just goes “oh no.”. And the reader is so confused because she forgot about paradox psychosis and is just worried about Five and he grabs her hand and they start running back towards the academy. And when they get there Five just kicks the door open and is like “This is not your time you little shit.”

Like you said it is a big stretch but it is funny nonetheless!

[lin-dorie]

Cuties/Mignonnes, from the project to the meaning and international public interactions

OK Let’s talk about it. 

Let me tell you what Cuties is really about, the meaning behind it and what you need, as an international public, to understand it properly.

/!\ Spoilers needed. 

So Mignonnes/Cuties is French-Senegalese movie produced by Bien ou Bien Production in collaboration with Netflix for international distribution. Maimouna Doucouré is an award winning director, she’s french-senegalese, 35 years old, grew up with a dad and two mothers surround by a big religious family. Nothing wrong, just a little girl having thoughts and dreams like any others. 

Mignonnes, her very first long metrage, is based on a study she conducted for the project. She interviewed hundreds of young people with her team (pedopsychologist included) to collect a lot of infos and ressources to built a movie dealing with young people anxiety, sexual discovering, bullying, social media and young black people representation in movies. 

I. Story telling from someone who watched it.

Amy is 11 year old, she came in France with her mom and little brother. While hidden, she discovered that her dad is in Senegal and will soon come back with a second wife as it is authorized by Islam and accepted in Senegal. Her mom and aunt don’t tell her anything but she saw her mom crying about the topic, not knowing what’s happening, she ressents her dad and her condition as a refugee, the typical “it was better where we were before”. 

Her family is muslim, she wore a hijab to her religious ceremonies and practice like she was told to, without the opportunity to do otherwise. In her building there’s a girl, Angelica, she has a rebellious side in opposition to her workaholics parents and she dances hip-hop style which Amy has never saw. She befriend her and her circle of friends and decided to dance with them at a local championship. In order to learn the dance and prove to them she was “cool”, she stole her cousin’s phone, got herself instagram and started relooking herself as a young woman instead of the pre-teen girl style she got before.  But, she gets her periods. She’s afraid, she’s anxious, but most of all she doesn’t understand because nobody told her. Her aunt take care of her telling her “you’re an adult now” and how she wish she’ll live a beautiful life like they are. This is a problem as Amy doesn’t know what it is to be “an adult” nor does she know what it is to grow up, and the only roles model she has at home are her sad mom and her ultraconservative aunt. So she starts acting out, comparing herself to more developped girls, tries to be like them and starts mimicing them for their dances. While fighting for the phone she stoled with her cousin, she locks herself in the bathroom and posts an intimate photo of her on instagram as a last proof she’s a woman. Obviously, she’s getting bullied in school for that, her mom come, slap her across the cheek, call her names and ground her.  Amy became depressed and in her anxiety, tries to reach out for her friends who turned their back on her so they won’t be associated with her.  Nonetheless, she succeed into entering a championship with her former-friends and are disqualifies due to highly innapropriate behaviour on scene.  She go back quickly to her house during a panic attack, her mother comfort her telling her she doesn’t have to attend her father’s wedding if she doesn’t want to. Reassured, she skip the wedding and go play with kids her age. -END-

II. Producing and interpretation. 

DISCLAIMER : Self-made interpretations as someone who’s into thoughtfull movies. It may changes from one person to another. 

As sais before, it was produced by Bien ou Bien Production which a french production corporation based in Bordeaux. They are producing movies dealing with diversity, social issues, minority representation and religious debunking. They also produced Doucouré’s award winning short film “Mom(s)” that was dealing with the topic of polygamy in Senegal, and was based on her own life. 

Being produced by them again for her long metrage was a financial security and a very good deal. She got a France TV (public channels organisation) financial deal and scored that spot into Netflix international catalog making her one of the only black french-senegalese woman director into the international catalog. 

Obviously, as it is not a movie for children/teenagers, there’s few meanings behind the already well written script : 

Growing up without ressources : Amy is a stereotypical 11yo girl who doesn’t know anything about relationships, sexuality and woman body. It is well know that parents tends to have “the big talk” with their children when they are around 15-17yo, but puberty starts around 13yo and with that : sexual desire discovery, gender identity crises and body changes. Innocents idioms like “you’re a big girl now” or “you’re not a child anymore” shortenned childhood, leaving young girls without ressources to develop themselves and, often, shame to ask for answers.

Female representations and social media : We can’t criticize this movie without putting a context around it. Our society has been developped around certains standards, weither they are socials, professional, personnal... Social media and main stream TV promote a way of life that is unattainable for 90% of us but they give us the opportunity to act “as if”. In this movie, Amy is just like one of us except that she is way too young to understand the behaviour she is immitated. You can see it when she doesn’t understand why her friends are lying about their ages, when she’s pushing a girl into the water (possibly drowning the girl), when she cries on stage in front of those parents judging her... What Doucouré is trying to show us is that little girls are little girls, they aren’t tough enough to be shown anything just because it’s socially accepted. 

Children education :  To me, this is the main purpose of the film, showing that it is important to educate children. Predatory behaviour, public image, false advertisment, relationships... There is no “right time” to talk about it, and most of the parents are too late, the fact is protecting your children is also making them understand why this behaviour is dangerous, why this outfit is innapropriate and never blame your children for mistakes they can make. Amy is the exemple of what could happen if you don’t educate your children, and she is brave enough to rise when her my mom take a step toward her to comfort her. 

Religious family and sexual education :  As an atheist, I won’t talk about metaphors behind the prayers or anything, someone who believe in their God the same way her family does will be more adequate to talk about it. But it is one of the main critic and thus, I have to share facts : The movie isn’t centered around it, the only reason it is here is because they needed a traditional figure such as the aunt, they needed a strict environment such as a religious family and they needed a twist that would put the little girl into a negative feeling, they needed her to ressent her situation as a refugee in order to criticize how it is to grow up without help. So why Islam ? Well, in France, we have two main religions : Roman Catholics and Islam. Using Islam as the main religion of the film helped them showing the good sides of this religion such as love, family devotion and loyalty.  Added 22/08/20 : Islam has a lot of branches like any other religion. In Senegal most muslim practice Soufism, find differences between the way you practice and theirs mights come from that. Especially regarding the hijab, it’s common for young people to wear their hijabs only during ceremonies.

III. Streaming plateform and international public : 

If you’ve read all this, you know now that it isn’t about girls twerking or pedo porn normalization, in fact, until Amy came into the group, the girls are doing basic hip-hop dance (well, at least they try...). So how a movie mostly acclaimed by those who saw it can be the center of such a scandal ? 

Well, first let’s talk about culture appropriation.  As a 25yo white european woman I’ve had my share of culture appropriation story, did I mean anything bad when I did it ? No. Was I ignorant ? Yes. As everybody with a little bit of dignity I reflected on myself and stopped whatever the f*ck I was doing that was innapropriate as a white woman. That said, we can’t denied that the world has absorded some part of the black africans culture when it got popularized.

Twerking is actually a mixed between dances from African diasporas (especially Mapouka and Soukous from Ivory Coast and Congo), it is known nowadays a sensual hiphop dance and there is nothing wrong with doing it when you’re a grown up in your right mind doing whatever you want to do. So why using this dance in the movie ? First, it’s part of the heritage of Amy, a 11yo girl who hasn’t lived in a occidental culture before. Second, it is a way of telling you, public, that what you do has consequences. Suggestive dances on TV, sexualized hiphop dances in the streets, rated r music video available on YT... Adult contents are available anywhere, anywhen by anywho. Children included. It is what the director, who study the subject of the impact of oversexualized content on young girls, is trying to tell you through the film. 

Now, Netflix and the art of communication. Netflix has first released a trailer, a poster and a pitch that aren’t the one used to promote the film in the first place (France included). After the start of the backlash they released another set that are stil not the one used to begin with. Why ? Because Netflix is an industry, they aren’t cinema professionnals, they aren’t critics, they are a company like any others. They didn’t watch the film, didn’t understand it and didn’t advertize it as it should : A movie for adults who want to know what they could do to help the younger generations. 

Because a movie isn’t just for entertainment, there is no film just made to amuse you, everyone is trying to tell something thanks to their art. Yes, those same young girls who acted in the movie won’t be able to watch it because they are too young, not because it is inapropriate but because the subject is too thick for them to understand it fully at such a young age. The way Netflix handle the promotion of this movie was also bad because international public can’t resonnate with it the way we do. And I include myself because I was the age of Amy not long ago, in the same country she came to. Cinemas from every country is proper to this country, we have the chance to be able to watch films from other places made by people whom don’t speak our language, have their own religion or not at all and try to reach us with their own issues and traditions. 

I’m not saying this movie will be the best of this year, and I’m not saying that everything inside of it is perfect, what I’m trying to say is that it’s easier to agree with the majority than to forge your own opinion but if you take the time to watch you’ll be able to understand others and empathize with them. 

I hope it will help some of you understand the purpose of the film, that some will be kind enough to watch it before throwing their critics and that most of you will still enjoy movies for watch the director is trying to say instead of what the politics want you to see. 

[hopeswriting]

FANDOM: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

EVENT: Flufftober 2020

PROMPT: Sharing Hobbies

AUTHOR: @hopeswriting​

RATING: G

PAIRING: Gokudera & Hibari

SUMMARY:

The first thing Gokudera needs to do now they’re back to the present again, is checked on Namimori’s stray animals. Too bad it's the first thing on Hibari's list too.

TAG WARNING: Swearing

WORDS: 1009

*

Gokudera could think of only three reasons as to why all the stray animals seem to have disappeared of Namimori.

1) He stayed too long in the future because of this marshmallows-eating fucker, and now the strays don’t trust him anymore to show their face.

2) The return-to-the-present induced earthquake opened the floor in two and managed to swallow all the strays, and really, can Gokudera not trust anyone these days, not even the so-called Strongest babies in the world?

3) The marshmallows-eating fucker fucked too much with the universes, and now they’re simply no such things as stray animals in the world.

Gokudera throws his cigarette on the floor and crushes it under his foot. And oh, what he would give for it to be the face of a so-called new god of the worlds…

He steadies the bag on his back, and makes his way back home. Of course this matter needs immediate investigation, but he’s not going to do that while carrying a bag full of animals food.

He makes a detour by the river to double check, glances at the shore as he’s walking by, and almost chokes on the smoke of his cigarette.

Gokudera scrambles down the stairs, and runs to the bridge.

There, just under it, all the strays animals he was looking for, cats and dogs alike existing side by side oddly peacefully.

And scattered between them, these stupids-pompadour-haircut guys.

He points an accusing finger at the mastermind of it all. “You!”

His heart beats faster, and a grin pulls at his lips. This is it, this are all the proofs he ever needed.

Hibari is an animal type of U.MA., and he just busted him in the middle of some kind of ritual with his kinds.

He needs to take pictures—no, better yet, he needs to record the whole thing.

No, wait. What he needs is to get his priorities straight.

“What the goddamn fuck are you doing? Do you demand even animals bow to you?”

Hibari takes a look at him, at the bag he dropped at his feet.

“So it’s you. The stray animals of Namimori are taken care of, do not interfere anymore. You fatten them.”

“Say fucking what now?” Why does this guy never fucking make sense to him? Except, everything clicks then in Gokudera’s brain. He points his finger again with more zeal. “It’s you! What the hell are you teaching them? I almost lost my eye this one time!”

Hibari raises an eyebrow. He takes in the animals in front of him, looks back at him.

“Which one? They earned a treat.”

Gokudera reaches for his dynamites. Now he just asked for it, Tenth will surely understand.

Zitto makes his way to him to rub his head against his leg. Relief runs through him.

Gokudera would have gone through the whole process of winning their trust again if he had to, but he’s honestly glad he doesn’t have to.

A kitten follows behind Zitto, suspiciously looking like a mini him.

Oh shit, did Zitto got a kitten? When? With whom? Pia, Bianca?

Gokudera missed that?

Fucking goddamned shithead of a crazy marshmallows induced brain rot fucker.

Luigi and Sonno comes to him too, disregarding their food and ignoring the calls of the disciplinary committee members.

Gokudera rubs their heads, and smiles smugly at Hibari.

“Sorry, what exactly do you have taken care of again?”

Hibari narrows his eyes.

Bruno waves his tail looking straight at Gokudera, and he calls out to him.

“Come here, Bruno.”

“Shinobu.”

Bruno instantly changes his course, and sits at Hibari’s feet. Hibari rubs him behind his ear, and he barks happily.

Hibari doesn’t even look at him. “Sorry, were you calling out to him? He looks to me like he doesn’t care about your existence.”

“Oh, you’re so on.”

Gokudera stands in the middle of a circle of mess tins filled with milk and food, the same way Hibari is opposite him. In between them, the stray animals at equal distance of each of them. Off to the side, the disciplinary committee members as referees.

Gokudera crouches, uses both his baby voice and the gibberish talk to win Torta, Bambi and Rocco to his side. Hibari calls out to Vito, Rosa, Augusto and Prima, in the softest voice Gokudera ever heard him use, and all fourth of them go to his side.

Gokudera takes out his mini dynamites toys specifically tailored for them, and lights them off. Hibari propagates the food around him, smirking—what a fucking cheater!

Gokudera swallows his pride, and starts humming, even singing a couple of lyrics. Hibari makes Hibird sings the school anthem.

Maria is the only one left, while there is an equal number of animals on each side.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Hibari says, “Mami practically lives in my house. Mami, it’s time to eat.”

“Oh yeah? Well, did you nurse her broken leg until she healed? Maria, come this way, come say hello.”

“Mami, this way. A treat is waiting for you.”

“Maria, don’t listen to this bastard. Come to me.”

“Mami.”

“Maria.”

“Mami.”

“Maria.”

Gokudera and Hibari glare at each other, and the tension is thick in the air.

Maria stretches, yawns lazily. She looks at Gokudera, takes a few steps his way. She turns back to Hibari, takes a few steps his way. She turns back again, stops at her previous spot.

Gokudera holds his breath.

Maria takes off, but not to either of them. She runs up the stairs, and throws herself right into Tsuna’s legs.

“Tenth!”

Tsuna startles, but then eagerly scoops Maria up in his arms. They rub their head against each other’s.

Hibari makes an offending noise.

“What was that you school-loving freak? Tenth is a great man, it’s only natural Maria chose him!”

Hibari makes that face where he’s obviously rolling his eyes while looking you straight in the eye. Gokudera twitches to throw a dynamite his way.

“Same place, same hour, tomorrow?”

Gokudera sticks his nose up in the air. “Your funeral.”

*

BONUS:

We only ever see Gokudera interact with Uri, so it's a bit unfair but I’m gonna go ahead anyway and say he’s bad with animals in general. Or more like, animals just never seem to like/trust him at first glance.

That never stopped Gokudera to stop and try to help all the stray animals he ever stumbles on all his life.

And that even before he could relate to them in a way no 13yo should relate to them.

It always takes a lot more than one try, and a lot of scratches and bites and a general hostility from the animals, and Gokudera getting a hold of his temper and being patient, but he never gives up.

He comes back every time, with food or drinks or toys or a first aid kit, and try to play by their rules as much as he can.

And eventually they warm up to him, and once they do they actually come to like him and trust him really quickly.

And Gokudera wants to adopt one (or more) of them, but he doesn’t trust himself to have this particular skill set. He gets there eventually though.

------

Hibari on the other end is an animal magnet. They’re just drawn to him, and he never minds it.

He has the disciplinary committee tracking every stray animals in Namimori, and keeping notes on every type of care they give them.

(That’s how he knows there’s someone else actively taking care of them too, and on a daily basis.)

And he doesn’t actually gather them all in one place every time lol. But he just got back from the future, and figured it’d be less bothersome to check on them all that way.

Hibari takes them to the vet first things first, and then does a background check on them all (as much a background check he can do anyway).

The ones he can identify and who got lost are returned to their homes.

The ones he can tell got lost and have a home to go back to but can’t identify, have people actively looking for their homes.

(Of course they’re returned to their homes only if it’s a suitable home they should be returned to. If not, Hibari visits these homes anyway.)

(On the other hand when it’s a case where the owners want to take care of the pet but don’t have the means to do it for whatever reasons, Hibari helps them with that.)

The ones who got abandoned, and the ones who got both abandoned and obviously maltreated, well—Hibari schedule a little meeting with the former owners.

------

And I feel like in this verse Hibari has actual parents who have authority on him, and they stand firm on the fact that “No, Hibari, we can’t let you adopt all the stray animals in Namimori.”

Hibari thinks it’s bullshit because their house is big and he’s sure he could manage, and also feels annoyed because they keep acting like he can just brought a few of them home.

But he obviously can’t, how is he supposed to choose between them all?

(He gets there eventually, but it’s more the animals choosing his home like Mami, than him choosing them.)

------

They meet again the next day by the river, then take opposites direction, and see how many strays they can feed before they have to meet again halfway.

The day after that they switch directions, and see if they can feed the strays faster than the other did.

And the day after that they go around the city together to see who’s the one most liked by the strays.

At the end of the third day they make the counts. Lather, rinse, repeat.

They eventually become friends, because of the sheer force of spending all this time together. And also by beating up stupid, cruel people who take their shit out on animals together.

Funnily enough they discover the same side of each other’s: gentleness.

Hibari uses this soft, soothing voice whenever he talks with the animals, has this genuine, open expression on his face, and just a very, simple, content little smile pulling at his lips.

Gokudera can’t make his voice that soft, or exudes that much of a calm energy. But he has this way he moves himself, the way he strokes them, the careful weight he puts in his movements whenever he has to touch them, that just speak of safety and trustworthiness.

------

Hibari starts hovering around Gokudera whenever he has to crowd with the others. And I feel like they’d be the kind of friends to mock others together.

(Not their common friends, or the other’s friends that aren’t necessarily their friends too, but everyone else is fair game.)

Gokudera is all colorful insults and imaginative metaphors, while Hibari is just very blunt and it’s all in the tone of his voice.

They both find the other hilarious.

And then Hibari starts showing at least one time out of three whenever they crowd together. And when he doesn’t Gokduera takes notes so he can debrief him later.

Meanwhile the others are rightfully baffled.

Is that Hibari willingly hanging out with someone? Wait, do they actually look friendly with each other? Are they laughing with each other??

Did Gokudera just pet Hibird??? Did Hibird just land on top of Gokudera’s head????????

The others are losing their mind, and they actually don’t even notice lmao.

------

But also, what if Yamamoto is jealous?

He’s all like, “What the hell, I’m trying to befriend you since day one and all you do is snap at me, and then you go and become friend with Hibari of all people in no time???”

(No offense to Hibari, he actually likes Hibari, but also he sure as hell was there first.)

And then Gokudera has to go through the mortifying ordeal of asserting their friendship and the fact that yes, he does see Yamamoto as a friend, with actual words he has to speak out loud, and in no uncertain terms.

And even worse, he has to explain how it’s stupid of him to compare himself to Hibari, because he values both friendships for entirely different reasons.

Sometimes he just needs to be his explosive self, and tactless and hurtful more often than he would like, and trusts that he won’t be pushed away for it.

And sometimes he just needs someone to indulge with him in being unapologetically unlikable, and trusts he’s not being judged for it.

And he regrets this conversation deeply because Yamamoto and Hibari ends up becoming friends anyway (and Yamamoto never lets him live their conversation down), and suddenly they’re an inseparable trio.

*

Tsuna saved Maria from drowning once (he calls her Akiko). He brought her back home in case she would catch a cold, and they spent a couple of days together. And yeah, they’re not exactly nice to each other in this, but this is Hibari and Gokudera, I did what I could while trying to keep them in character lol.

Also I do firmly believe Gokudera would have straight up punch Byakuran in the face upon seeing him in the present for the first time, and even blow him up a couple of times. Like they both deserve azsdfghjkl.

Anyway thank you for reading! Any and all review are appreciated ^^.

[trujellyfish]

im really bored and my friends are unresponsive (its chill) so obviously the only solution is to overshare on the internet

anyway love how the last time i saw my dad he told me to feel free to jump out the second story window (he was mocking me for my history of suicidal thoughts)

and also how he commented on my jaundiced eyes, insinuating that I would probably die of liver failure soon. my eyes just have a yellow tinge around the edges, i’ve been tested, its fine. but yknow, nice to know he cares lmao

oh or that time i decided i’d had enough and abandoned my whole family in favour of homelessness and he called me, sobbing about how sorry he was and then saying “i want to claw your mother’s face off” as if it wasn’t that attitude that prompted the leave in the first place

haha and when he likened cutting ur wrists to mountain climbing he’s like “i see why people might want to do that, to test their limits” like no bitch i was cutting bc im depressed as fuck

or when i called him from a payphone at 13 years old bc i had forgotten to bring bus fare with me and didnt have a cell phone and it was like 10pm and i was like “look i fucked up and i dont know what to do” and he said, verbatim bc of course i remember exactly what happened a decade later, it fucking traumatized me

“guess you better FIGURE IT OUT” *line goes dead, kinda like how my heart stopped in that moment*

yknow, instead of coming out to pick me up or gently making sure i at least knew how to get back or saying “grab a taxi we’ll pay for it” no no, just leave ur 13 year old daughter in her school uniform to travel across the whole ass city on her own

took me like 2 and a half hours to get home; i got lost more than once. man never even left the house, my uncle ended up being the one to pick me up from the bus station i had made it to

or when i was going to therapy and he usurped my fucking therapist to a point where she started asking me about HIS mental health during our sessions (fuck that bitch too tho)

after one session he picked me up and asked what we talked about and I said i didnt want to talk about it so he said “i could just ask her” and my brain went “uuuuuuuuh” while my mouth went “doctor-patient confidentiality” and he fucking said “That’s not real.” what a fucking DICK

like bro im sorry about your mental breakdown but like what the fuck am i supposed to do about it im your kid and you refuse to listen to me

you’ve been manipulating and controlling me my whole ass life, i dont even know how to handle my own mental breakdowns what the flying shit fuck am i supposed to do about yours

but of course im caught in a fucking rut of remembering all this bullshit and then being like “oh but he must be so sad and scared and alone :(” and part of me is like fucking GOOD!!!! but it’s also like does anyone really deserve that? like how many other homeless people are in that exact situation? like he deserves help and everything but fuck he sure as fuck aint getting it from me

but the fucking 13yo thing!!!!! i mentioned that the last time i saw him then he sent out an email and was like “i dont remember that but i guess im sorry” like bitch?????? u dont remember the most traumatizing night of my life?? get fucked!!!!

(cue twitter pic of “of course u dont remember it was just a regular tuesday for you” except it was actually a wednesday, i looked it up)

and i just keep thinking about more and more ways im traumatized like how i expect men to just start screaming at the smallest inconvenience bc that’s all i’ve ever known and then i dont know how to handle ppl genuinely being patient and honest with me

or how i hate presents bc theyve left such a sour taste in my mouth bc there were always strings attached so i dont like getting ppl presents bc like what if they think im just manipulating them

(but also i have big sugar daddy energy and i like getting my friends random presents like food or those sunglasses they really liked bc its just so cute to see how happy they get?? but then i have to joke about it later like “haha remember when i bought u lunch? now its ur turn” but im never serious!! i just dont know how to process this shit other than turning it into a joke)

anyway i dont think i’ve fully exhausted myself of my emotions yet but i think that’s enough oversharing for one day

[nbapprentice]

there’s so, so, SO much nonsense surrounding this game that i’m gonna do my best to separate it into digestible bits, with its own categories. even then this is... wow. it’s big.

Warning tags will be added at the start of every section, but the general gist is: incest, pedophilia mentions, fetishization of rape and abuse, fetishization of mlm, fetishization of people of color, racism, ableism, nb erasure and transphobia. aside of the warnings, this post will also touch upon Scummy Business Practices

let’s get going

Dana Rune’s and Elle’s lack of moral fiber: #incest #pedophilia#rape and abuse fetishization #homophobia

tl;dr: dana loves incest porn, elle loves guy on guy rape, and the both of them are friends with at least one pedophile

dana rune has run, is still running an incest zine (please visit my faq on what i think about “thats not really incest” and “it’s just fictional!”). The Arcana, as a dev team, clearly does not care, as shown in their e-mail responses.

dana also very much doesn’t care and has reacted to any criticism on this by dismissing people and blocking actual incest victims who tried to contact her about it claiming it was for her “mental health”

in some tweets she claims she “interprets” the characters as not siblings, but she never really cared enough to cover her ass when it all began (she happily admits she’d “cross the incest line”)

dana has commissioned artists who also ship incest, draw near-pedophilic art that’s supposed to pass as acceptable because the character involved is supposedly not a minor despite looking like a child down to wearing pigtails (the character is also wearing a racist-ass belly dancer outfit), AND even made white-washed fanart of The Arcana.

dana follows twitter user kapymui who also produces incestuous Fire Emblem art

dana has retweeted omocat long after it came out that omocat is, at the very least, consuming pedophilic content (on “omocat didn’t know what shota meant!”: yes they did)

moving on, elle has a long, long, LONG history of fetishizing mlm and the rape and abuse that comes with yaoi and had a rich, RICH “yaoi” tag before they deleted their tumblr

they curiously deleted their tumblr right after i made this reblog

shortly after that, tumblr user thalassiq remade and started attacking and insulting any blogs criticizing them - even people providing support in IMs. Since this doesn’t match Dana and Elle’s normal pity parties I’m personally willing to believe they were just a person wanting to start shit - but it’s so telling how Elle used this chance to dismiss everyone who disagrees with them by calling them “children” and did not even bother to offer a kind word to people who were harassed and even had their trauma mocked by this person. It costs 0 dollars to say “that was not me but I’m sorry about people who were hurt.”

Dana and Elle are close with Ava’s Demon creator Michelle Czajkowski aka that one person who endorses child porn of her characters, and even had her draw a promo image for the game. Michelle has been creating highly sexualized content of her minor characters for a while now.

ok so elle and dana are gross freaks, how is that related to the game?

oh it’s very very related

Dana Rune’s and Elle’s lack of moral fiber that’s Actually Inside The Game or The Game’s Blog: now with more #racism #fetishization of poc and mlm #whitewashing #fat hate #pedophilia #nb erasure #transphobia

tl;dr: the arcana is filled to the brim with racism! so much of it! haha holy shit! and that’s not even where it ends!!!

their game is rated PG-13 but includes incredibly sexual situations such as Julian making this fucking face while getting off on pain. This isn’t the only time Dana and Elle use their videogame aimed at young teens to showcase their kinks and fetishes. I have no issue with NSFW or titillating content, as long as it’s rated accordingly. This content is NOT and it’s a blatant disregard for their audience just to have a larger, more pliable demographic and have more money sent their way.

if you start your argument with “well, teenagers look at porn” 1. shut up 2. theres a HUGE difference between teenagers going after adult content aimed at adults, and adults creating content they know will be seen by kids barely starting puberty

as pointed above, dana has 0 qualms literally commissioning people who make whitewashed fanart of her own fucking game that’s supposed to be all about the inclusivity and safe spaces

thearcanagame blog has a pattern of reblogging whitewashed fanart (before you come in swinging with the good ole “ITS THE LIGHTING”: 1. no it isnt 2. the artist should’ve picked better lightning then 3. i draw and post shit online too so dont come telling me i just dont understaaaand),

fanart of their fat characters showed skinnier than they are in their sprites (although to be real for a moment - Portia is curvy at most and them behaving she’s fat rep is HILARIOUS).

going back to NSFW content: nadia and asra are overwhemlingly sexualized in the game, and were the first to have sexualized CGs and sprites introduced.

CGs: Asra’s here, here aND HERE, Nadia’s here with a NSFW warning because she’s just got her whole fucking ass out. Sprites: Asra’s thank god for whoever compiled it all in one image, Nadia’s and once again, NSFW warning lmfao!

Julian’s sprites on the other hand are noticeably tamer, including the one where he’s fucking strapped in leather. His only sexual (NSFW warning because its literally softcore tentacle porn WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, SHOULDN’T BE PUT IN A GAME AIMED AT 13YOS) CGs were also included months after Nadia and Asra received any of theirs.

Through all of the updates, people have constantly requested that Asra and Nadia’s sexualization be toned down, and time after time The Arcana just churned out fetishistic, hypersexualized content at an absurd rate, especially when compared to the one white love interest.

Oh, speaking of the one white love interest: Julian is based off of Jeff Goldblum (this is not spectulation - they p much bring it up at any given time) but like. If Jeff Goldblum was white. They base their favorite love interest off their supposed favorite man in the world but casually leave his skin tone behind. Lmao.

they also play favorites very obviously - in the prologue, Nadia and Asra have a romance paid scene each. Julian has a scene... that requires no coins. Julian was also the first LI to receive three CGs, two of them requiring no coins, while both Asra’s and Nadia’s first CGs were behind a paywall

Dana and Elle have been notoriously skittish about confirming or denying their characters’ ethnicities. After hyping for weeks on thearcanagame that they would confirm the character’s races they basically made a post that amounted to “well they’re not white lol!”

they only relented after the perfectly understandable outrage... and posted a thread about it on Elle’s twitter. Nothing on the actual thearcanagame blog. Anyway, here’s the thread. Note how there’s mention of Julian being Jeff Goldblum... but nothing about him and Portia being Jewish (or “fantasy Jewish” as it were).

The one time they did confirm their jewishness dana then backpedaled and said she shouldn’t have done that lol.

another fun tidbit of how well The Arcana handles race and how much it cares about feedback from fans: an ask was sent about an anon begging for Nadia to step on them. The blog, with the finesse of a bunch of horny dumbasses, didn’t just publish the ask, but approved of it (even though the fans of color had long, long, LONG been telling everyone not to fetishize Nadia into a “step on me kween” wet dream). People were outraged, of course, and the blog ~apologized~ and said they were still learning.... then a new chapter included a scene of Nadia stepping on the Apprentice. 🙃

not to mention elle, on their twitter, made a passive aggressive “women can be doms?” tweet, trying to twist it into a “yr oppressing women” angle (when the issue is that women of color are always constantly portrayed as aggressive and domineering)

Now for a wombo combo of racism and Elle’s fetishization of mlm:

the devs have spoken at length of how Julian’s and Asra’s relationship was quite unhealthy. In a paid scene in Asra’s route, they’re depicted as Asra being disgusted w Julian touching him+Julian following Asra to his shop when Asra refused his offer to go with him (aka julian... stalked him lmfao).

.......... this scene is promptly followed by a highly sexual scenario where Julian’s pain fetish is played up. Remember how this game is rated PG-13? Me neither. Asra’s previous disgust with Julian is also forgotten, for some reason (and by some reason i mean Elle wants to make them fuck w/o buildup or logic).

Then Asra’s route has yet another paid scene dedicated to Asrian, even though he’s supposed to not even like Julian! And be head over heels with the Apprentice! But Elle just has to make these two be entangled despite insisting their relationship was not good for either of them!

Now here’s the kicker: Julian doesn’t have any paid scenes related to his romance with Asra. Note how it’s one of the brown LIs whose route is highjacked by the white LI, but not vice versa. Hmmmmm.

Now, on the topic of Asra: thearcanagame has said repeatedly that he’s nb and uses he/him pronouns, and promised (since last year) that there would be dialogue where he speaks about his gender

as of the making of this post such dialogue still does not exist

so basically asra is the nb to dumbledore’s gay: anyone who just plays the game w/o keeping up with the official blog has no idea of what asra’s gender is supposed to be.

aka he’s not nb. he’s just a cis guy. the arcana just doesn’t want to put its money where its mouth is, i dont care if elle is nb themself. the team made a promise which has not been fulfilled yet and i suspect will not be.

instead, our introduction to canon nb characters is... these two.

By “these two” i mean neither vulgora nor valdemar are even fucking human, and stick out like sore thumbs with their monstruousness.

so our nb rep is... non-human villains. a few books later one of Nadia’s sisters with they/them pronouns shows up, but that’s too little too late on top of the fact that we should’ve known Asra was nb from the first to begin with. It’s a fucking embarrassment and an insult.

at least two villains are visibly disabled (Lucio’s missing arm and Volta’s blind eye+intentionally asymmetrical face). Julian’s eye doesn’t count because, spoilers, he’s not lacking an eye and even if he was it’d still be hidden behind a dashing eyepatch instead of grotesquely displayed as a sign of his lacking morality.

BUT WAIT! IT DOESN’T EVEN END THERE!

The Arcana Exploits The App Business Model To Price Their Full Game at $500, $1000 if the three extra routes make it out, and they never delivered their Kickstarter rewards:

tl;dr: you heard me

the original price per route was planned on being $1.99

they took that “subject to change” really seriously, it seems, because now each route, once the game is fully out, is estimated to cost around $170 each.

both those screenshots are taken from this post which explains in detail just how truly scummy all of The Arcana’s business model and decisions are: https://mysticmicrotransactions.tumblr.com/post/174308723344/dishonesty-from-the-arcana

the tl;dr is basically what’s listed in the beginning of this section, but other highlights from that post are: the use of addictive gambling mechanics such the Wheel of Fortune, and the dazzling calls to action in the new mini-game.

something that The Arcana supporters forget (or choose to ignore) is the fact that for a long, long time the game did not have the mini-game or the log-in rewards for coins. Players depended only on the gambling of the WoF or paying absurd amounts of money for the new chapters.

the devs went from playing the victims who were unable of controlling prices to (as spoken of in the link from mysticmicrotransactions) saying the making of the game (a pathetic little app game backed by a studio and a kickstarter) justifies the prices

they also gave people false hope about maybe changing the prices in the future, all while bleeding money from loyal players in “micro” transactions

the arcana literally added a $99.99 coins option on their latest update

in case it hasn’t sunk in yet: you can pay a hundred dollars upfront to the arcana, and you still will not have access to the whole game

there is no defense to this

none

“it’s free stop whining” let me explain:

“spend months on end accumulating fake currency or pay hundreds of dollars up-front to be able to play” is a scummy business model no matter how you look at it

if i can spend $60 upfront to play an AAA game there’s no excuse to demand more than that for a game with much smaller and, honestly, inferior content

the combination of there being already far and few games featuring lgbt characters and characters of color AND the little cult of personality set up by Dana and Elle makes people feel that spending money to support them is an acceptable expense.

it’s not

manipulating people into spending ridiculous amounts of money and then claiming “it’s their choice” is just scummy business, baby, and thats all the arcana does

the devs are brats who instead of admitting $500 is absurd for a game instead write petty little caricatures into their game - like, lbr: dana, elle, if i could afford diamonds in my hair i wouldn’t have even bothered with your shitstain of a game

despite bragging that ppl would get the full story w/o needing to pay, the paid scenes are pretty much required - the first few books of julian’s route have no romance without accessing any of the paid options. you dont even get so much as a kiss in without handing coins over. many, many people were baffled when julian had a teary break-up scene when from their perspective they hadn’t even started building a relationship.

wow that’s more than i ever thought it’d be

and i’ve been aware of their bullshit for near a whole year now!

i don’t have much of a note to end this on, other than: the arcana just isn’t even that good. it suffers from weak writing, pathetic character development and above all actually harmful content. do not try to argue with me on any of these points unless you’ve read all of that, because whatever you have to say i’ve likely mentioned before. if you still are that determined to yell at a me on the internet, please preface your argument with the phrase “I’m a pee pee poo poo man” so I know you’ve read everything in here. thank you!

[floraone]

How do you feel about the UsaMamo fanfic trope where Mamoru gets closer and closer to Usagi in their civilian identities, begins to develop feelings for her and then feels conflicted over his feelings for Moon and/or the Princess in his dreams, eventually though his feelings for Usagi surpass his feelings for her alter ego(s) and them learning each other's identities and their past turns out to be a happy accident? Thoughts on this trope?

Hi anon!!! Loved this question! Anyway here goes:

So obviously in the end they are all the same people. So, it makes sense if you're attracted to this person you're also attracted to all other "versions" of this same person. So of course I dig stories where they're into each other in their various forms even when they don't necessarily know the other is behind that mask. (And I'm ladybug love square trash so OF COURSE I dig a good pre reveal plot with my OTP too obviously).

HOWEVER, here are a few thoughts.

1) I firmly believe Usagi and Mamoru are the same people as Endymion and Serenity. YET there are subtle differences. And they come from nurture. For example, I'd say Usagi is more carefree than Serenity (because Usagi lives a freer live), Mamoru is more closed off and less reckless than Endymion (because Endymion grew up with more support and more privileges). But Mamoru still has a reckless core that puts him into all sorts of trouble and is TOTALLY THE REASON FOR ANY RIDICULOUSNESS TUX DOES, and Serenity is still gonna moan into her food when no one looks and enjoy the little things. They're the same complex people - just different lives. So preferring one of the other deep down doesn't actually make sense once they see this, at least to me. If they loved that dead person they would love the same alive person too. Same people.

2) they're complex people. A lot of BOTH these personalities isn't visible at first glance. Mamoru isn't JUST a studious and conscientious guy who trolls this 14yo, he's also a superhero gentleman thief throwing roses and haiku who wants to keep the whole world safe. Usagi isn't JUST carefree and a crybaby and goes after all her heart's desires, she's also someone who believes in the good of everyone and chooses a responsibility and life she never wanted because she believes it is her duty to the world and still loves this world unconditionally anyway. If you love any of these people, you love the whole package. Meeting just one side of these two coins you only meet half a person. And sure these half-persons are amazing and anyone could fall for them - Usagi has the biggest heart and is wonderfully REAL and doesn't hide her feelings and that would totally attract Mamoru; Sailor Moon is a BADASS and a babe and clearly scared sometimes but she gets up anyway. Mamoru is a tragic orphan with a big boy act and not a lot of friends; Tuxedo Mask is a super hero in evening wear standing back to support the powerful woman - they're amazing already even if you only see half the person. I believe any plot that makes them fall in love with either of these at first sight or in a meaningful conversation or whatnot. And I also think you CAN see the whole complex package glimpsing through if you look at one half long enough. (They're the same people after all and Usagi still saves people as Usagi and Tux can still be an arrogant and dorky flirt.) But the whole package? Together? Including the reborn royalty that died for each other and brought things over into this life they might regret? There's the magic. There's the soulmate. There's the miracle romance. The forever kind of let's fight fate for this deal. It makes sense to me that the moment they SEE the whole complex double sided person is the moment they are truly and wholly gone for each other in ways they weren't yet before. In ways they might not have believed possible before; be it if they were in love with the "half" identity before or not. I don't fault either of them to not be helplessly in love with the other if they didn't see at least a glimpse of the complexity!

3) I don't think Mamoru is in love with the princess in his dreams. Mamoru doesn't remember Serenity. The princess in his dreams is an echo of a memory, it's his subconscious, it's not HER. He doesn't know Serenity in this life. Not yet. And while sure, he's had these dreams FOREVER, and I ABSOLUTELY see, say, a 13yo boy growing up with this attractive girl in this dreams being ATTRACTED TO HER and having other sorts of dreams about her, I don't think he LOVES her. I think she puzzles him. Entices him too, probably. He'd definitely find her hot af. First and foremost though, I think Mamoru wants answers from the princess in his dreams - not a date.

So yeah if you give me a plot of that kind that still respects these three points, I am fully on board lol. I do think it's possible. I can see a Mamoru falling for Usagi once he can lift her out of the shallow one dimensional box (lazy loud crybaby however charming) he might have put her in at first glance (IF he did that), and see what a good and brave heart this girl has and FALL FOR HER. And I can see him equally falling for Sailor Moon. And I can see his little heart torn and feeling fickle about having a very obvious type because shit those two are SO SIMILAR WTF?! And I can see him weep happy tears when these two amazing girls are one amazing girls after all. And I can see the same flipped for Usagi. And I would read the SHIT out of a fic like that immediately.

[omegle-poop-stories]



You're chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH HONG KONG AGAINST THE CCP!

You both like pee, poop, shit, and scat.

35m, looking for a messy/naughty girl who loves to play messy

Do you accept 15 year olds? Because I am that girl~

Really?

Am I too old?

Nope

Younger than my mum actually

Because...... a very messy kinky little girl is kind of my fantasy :D

Heh well

I love roleplay and if your up for it I'll be your sexy messy naughty little maid and slut

sounds like fun. Do you mind if I ask how you go to be so kinky at such a young age?

I was kinkier when I was 7

oh?

No I didn't even know what cum was but I was into the bdsm, scat, piss, cunt slapping, soiling, diapers all that before I turned 8

omg you are like the perfect girl

(Love diapers! on "older" girls)

Did someone introduce you to it? Or you just found out that you liked messing yourself and slapping your cunt?

Hehe I actually wore diapers because of bedwetting problems but they were to expensive so I had to stop wearing

And no I just found it I guess idk how but yea

It was years ago 😂

Do you like it when you exicted older guys so much?

The guys I talked to were usually 26-30

But one guy in particular was like 37

And he was like ew he asked to see pics if me every five seconds

And even when I was out he was like "hey send me a pic of your pussy"

Anyway

sorry that he was a jerk

It's not your fault he's probably dead now it's been 6 years lol

how do you like to play exaclty.... messing (obviously) . being fucked in your mess?

do you have an ultimate fantasy?

Oh yea I like being fucked in the ass in particualr

Yes I have a fantasy

May I hear it?

Sure

I wanna be fucked till I'm numb dripping in cum, sweat and piss, I want you to whip spank and slap me till I cry then force me to hold my mess until I literally cant and I'm begging to use the bathroom if I manage to hold it for 6 days straight I am allowed to use the bathroom if not I have to go into public in ONLY my soiled panties

And after that I wanna be put in diapers and re potty trained until I learn not to mess myself

ohh... that kind of dovetails with a fantasy of mine.... fucking you after you have held in your mess so long that you wet/mess all over. Works for all three holes ;) . I also love fully clothed sex/messing (and I already mentioned diapers

do you eat/drink/swallow at all? Or just mess?

I've never tried it tbh but I mean I would love to give my mess to people

??

I mean if they wanted it 😂

I was more asking for something along this scenario.... I make you hold and you are sucking me (or more accuratly I am fucking your face) and you mess your diaper so I make you take it off and wrap it around my cock and continue the BJ with your dirty diaper

but that isn't for everyeone

Oh that sounds fun hehe and I suppose id do it if I was particularly horny

But not something I'd do unless someone mentioned it

i also love the idea of having you as my maid (or daughters bff or whatever reason you are in my house) and we start a kinky taboo affair where I am your daddy and you are my messy little/baby girl

like purposely "being bad" and messing yourself during a BJ and then i fuck you in your little messy ass

That sounds like a new fantasy of mine 🤭

my little taboo teenage messy mistress.... wearing things that you know will drive me crazy...

did you want to rp the build up... (which can be boring... depending on the partner) or after we have allready discovered each other?

Hmm well I think discovered each other would be fun but maybe like just coming home for tea or something with your daughter and immediately think your hot as fuck

okay we can do that. How forward do you want me to be?

Little does your daughter know I wear diapers and as soon as I walk past you notice a faint shitty smell

Maybe like touchy feely but not to forward as if to say "I love you" but maybe giving subtle hints as in letting my butt or stroking my back

Patting*

okay. anything you really really want to include (or exclude?)

Nope I'm fine with anything you are

And I don't think we need to include anything else

okay

You want to start if off given that you have the scene idea

My name will be Kira btw I'll just call you sir or mister

Sure

*she waits behind her best friend looking nervous to meet her parents as she watches the door open and catches an eye on her father, she gets shy and looks behind her making sure the smell and bulge isn't noticeable* h-hi sir *she blushes and walks past*

*I am immediately taken by you... your appearance... your shyness.... your apparently hiding your ass*. "Well hello..... I don't think we have met before, have we? Kirstin (my daughter) don't be rude.... introduce us"

*she shuffles behind Kirstin and mumbles* hi.. i-im Kira *she figured it would be easier to Introduce herself*

*Kristin rolls her eyes and shrugs you off and goes into the bathroom and closes the door... leaving you without cover* . "Hello Kira.... Why so shy? I promise I don't bite *I wink, but not in a creepy way*

*she turns away whe. She realises she's blushing again and makes a face if strain as if trying to push something out* mmh c-cause...uhm

*I step forward and gently place my hand on your back in a fatherly fashion* . "Kira you don't look like you feel well... come sit in my office" *I guide you into my office.... looking at the bulge in the back of your skirt causing the bulge in the front of my pants to grow.

"Here have a seat" I offer you a very plush chair and smile . "You really don't look well" I prompt

B-but I ... *She blushes again this time not even attempting to hide it as she sits down she hears a few crackles and crinkles she blushed harder and pushes making a face if strain again* s-sir where is your bathroom?

"Kristin is using it... " I pause looking down at you.... "Kira... is there something you want to tell me?"

N-no! Sorry I just need the bathro- mmh -om that's all *she smiles and stands up realising a noticeable brown patch on the chair cushions as she sits back down real quick* y-you know what nevermind I don't need the toilet

(from the hallway) "Dad I need to go pickup someone from the mall... is Kira okay staying here?" *I look at you with an amused stare as if to say.... 'are you going to go and let me see the brown patch...?'* . my pants growing tight as the sight of the cute little story unfolding in front of me

*she looks at him confused but she shouts to the hallway * yea I'm fine staying Kris!,

*she gets up not realising the brown patch on her skirt was even more visible as she bent over and flipped the cushion around so it wasn't noticable*

"umm... Kira..... " *I ask... in an amused tone* "You do realize that the stain isn't only on the cushion.... right?"

*she stands up straight suddenly holding her hand on her butt* w-what stain...?

*Looking in your eyes I walk straight over to you... looking down at you by the time I get there... I grab the hem of your skirt and pull it up so that you can see the brown clearly on the red... also your diaper (what kind)* . "This one silly girl... and the matching one on my cushion..... I know you are wearing a diaper *I pat it gently*... a very full diaper.... how old are you?" I ask, not in a mad or demeaning way... but in a very curious way

(medium sized adult diapers any kind) *she blushes and starts crying but not in a sad way in s more furious way as she hugs him tight only reaching to his chest she buries her face in and mumbles* 13...

*I ebrace you tightly* . "It is okay Kira.... 13 and still in diapers.... but you know you need to you the bathroom..... Interesting"

*whispering in your ear now... still embracing you* "can I tell you a secret?"

Y-yea.. *she looks up at him wiping her tears*

*helps wipe tears with thumb* "I think it is really cute when girls are still in diapers"

Then why isn't Kris in diapers...couldn't you make her wear themmm- *rethinking what she said she thought it sounded weird and creepy immediately regretting what she had said* I'm sorry I didn't mean it to come across like that *she really needed a change as a faint hissing noise came from her diaper and she blushed*

*holding you this close you feel my cock twitch as you wet* . "Well... I don't want to feel the way about my daughter as I feel for you.... and don't be embarrassed.... why do you wear?"

Well earlier I asked where the bathroom was so I could change but I don't actually know how to use a toilet, I've been potty trained but only with one of those plastic ones and never learned how to use a big one...I also feel unsafe and it's scary when I go near one as j don't know what to do with the metal thingy or the water inside

"oh babygirl.... why have you never been potty trained?" *I as... worrying about abuse*

O-oh uh..*she sighs knowing she had already told him about the diapers so why not about her parents* well..my family kinda..don't wanna... acknowledge my existence? *She giggles nervously trying to make it as a joke*

"oh babygirl....." I hold you close, starting to feel bad about starting to hit on you. "It sounds like you need someone to take care of you"

*she suddenly got an idea* c-could I come and live with you and Kris? *She said excitedly as she looked up with a huge smile on her face*

*emotions rush through me* . "I... I am not sure that is the best idea Kris...... I am not sure I could...." *I trail off... looking at the cute little diapered 13yo in front of me

*she looks disappointed as she says sadly* okay.. *she walks off into the hall to find the bathroom*

"hey hey hey" . I catch up with you.... "It is just that.... I am really attracted to you Kira... and I shouldn't be... you are 13 and I don't think I could be good"

*she blushes but fights it away* I've just met you y'know? *She crouches next to her bag and looks for the diapers* where are they? Fuck..where are they!?

*she remembers she forgot to pack them as she looked dispointed in herself as she knew she had no change of clothes or diapers now*

*she hears the front door open as Kris comes in*

(not sure where you are going with this)

(oof sorry just gonna roll with it alright?*

((Okay I will will trust you)

"Hey Kristin.... did you get your errand ran?" i ask in a disinterested way

Kristen: yea I have to get the diap- uh...groceries upstairs real quick I'll be down in a minute...and why does it smell like a pig sti

her slip up was not missed by me.... "I had mexican for lunch" I explain away after seeing the terror on your face

As she disappears upstairs.... I look at you . "Why doe smy daughter have diapers?"

Probably becauseeee her friend dared her to buy them? Or she might be using them to get boys into that online I mean that's worst case scenario but I'm not sure what else

"Oh you dared her to buy them?" I ask... half interested / half irritated. "If you want me to let you change into a clean one you will tell me why"

W-what n-noo I didn't I'm just uh guessing! I swear!

"oh I bet all the 13 year old girls are trying diapers aren't they?" I ask in mock parental agitation....

"Are you telling me that the one sexy 13yo girl who wears and uses diapers isn't the one who dared her to buy them?" (i don't notice my sexy slip)

S-sexy? *She blushed and shook her head* no I didn't

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[icharchivist]

one thing that bother me in your metas, is when you bring up Killua using "Kite" name as a trigger, your pov is that Killua obviously knew that Kite was dead and just didn't want to snap Gon's out of his denial. That's a valid interpretation, but, I kinda see it as Killua actually wanting to believe Kite was alive ? as @mimzilla mentionned in her meta, people tend to forget that Killua actually took a shine to Kite really quickly and pretty much fanboyed over Kite even more than Gon did (1/?)

(2/3) And the affection went both ways since when Kite think of the good hunter qualities that Gon have, he thinks ‘good with animals’ and 'have extremely good friends’ (cue to Killua), and Kite was being a senpai to Killua and Gon equally. Killua was desensitized to death and acknowledged that Kite was dead, and felt really damn guilty for that happening, and was really guilty and down after that (and not just in the 'Gon may hate me’ aspect). But Gon was pretty much estabilished as Killua’s

(¾)Positiveness and happiness in life and allowed Killua to be less pessimistic/cynical and more hopeful just by being his friend. So when Gon said “Kite is alive”, we don’t see Killua thinking 'omg this is fucked up how do I explain’, but instead him being snapped out of his self-loathing, then smiling then refering to Gon as his light (and I ship Killugon too, but if you don’t think Killua wanted to believe Kite was alive that scene kinda come out of the blue). Also while us fans saw Kite

(4/5) be decapitated by Pitou and we knew he was 100%dead, Gon AND Killua didn’t so Killua probably only thought Kite was under the effects of a really powerful mind control, AND IT WAS THE DAY AFTER HE PULLED OUT THE NEEDLE, so Killua was pretty much a live example of someone who can recovers from being mind-controlled (though not to such an extent), in the palace, when Gon decide to use Komugi as a hostage, we see Killua pretty much believing that as long as they have Komugi, Pitou will obey

(5/5) we see Killua quietly waiting for Pitou to heal Kite and Gon to come back, and when Palm say that no Pitou isn’t going to heal Kite,Killua is just plain shocked, panic at the thought that Pitou is going to kill Gon when Pouf explain why and go after them. People should stop forgetting that Killua is a 13yo child and I die a little inside when people say that he purposefully used Kite against Gon “despite knowing Kite was dead”. just wanted to say it

Heyo!

Good point still, and i may get carried away because I see much more people get against Gon and everything “Killua has done for him”. 

I do think that Killua was in denial at first, i just don’t think his denial is as strong as Gon. Even if Gon’s optimism is carrying to him, I do think Killua isn’t 100% sure Kite is alive, like Gon is. But I do think he’s denial, that even when he saw the corpse and could maybe doubt it, he stood by Gon’s version of the facts and in Gon’s denial, and that he also wished that Pitou will be able to heal Kite. And it’s a good point to bring up that he did like Kite. 

That doesn’t change my point though that he had used Kite’s name purposingly to calm Gon down. And i’ve repeated that it’s not something to hold against him, not only because of his age, but because of his training, he sees a way to calm Gon down and he takes it without thinking about how it could affect him. But Killua generally brought Kite (or Pitou) up in order to stop Gon from doing things. And he does say himself to Meleoronin chap 286, “Don’t worry, I have the magic word, “Kite””: he is aware that the name itself has an impact on Gon. And that’s more what I mean when I say he triggers Gon.

My metas are almost two years old, so i don’t really remember what i put in them, nor what was really my thought process, but as for now, I don’t think Killua *knew* Kite was dead, I just think he was less in denial than Gon and saw the times Gon was losing it and knew that bringing up Kite would calm him in some way when he was being reckless. (whenever he wanted Gon to not follow him in his infiltration mission, and when he told Gon to stop against Pitou. And while for the former i interpret it, on the later one, right afterwardhe tells Meleoron that Kite is a magic word that will stop Gon. (precisely “Gon won’t budge, at worst we will die together. Just kidding, don’t worry, i have the magic word: Kite.” So this is litteraly int he context of Gon beign too stubborn in a way he would die, and Killua with him, where Killua says the alternative to stop him is using “Kite”.) The times he brought up Kite were not “sharing guilt” moment, it was always to stop Gon from doing something, knowing that bringing up Kite would slow him down. And I don’t think that when Killua says those he brings it up for Kite’s interest, even if he believes he’s alive. 

I really don’t mean Killua is purposing triggering Gon while “he knows better”. I really more mean that he uses it to calm Gon down without realizing it’s a trigger, and why would he? He’s a kid, and he’s specifically had been raised with people using his own triggers against him, things he doesn’t even realize are triggers. Even if Killua distances himself from his family and is more healthy there are still lines in the sand he doesn’t particularly know about. And I think i bring that up a few times that Killua’s actions cannot be judged because of that very angle. I bring up they’re kids all the time.

If I did say “he’s purposing triggering Gon” that’s how i meant it, not that he’s trying to trigger Gon into his trauma, but that he’s purposingly using something he knows Gon has strong reactions to, in order to calm him. Pushing him to trauma isn’t his intend, his intend is to calm him. He’s purposingly using it, but not to traumatize Gon further. If i did say that, it was a shortcut. (which you may understand as i wrote those stuff a lot, and often repeated myself.)

It remains just that Kite is a trigger for Gon more than Killua is anticipating. I generally especially bring that up when Killua told Gon to not kill Pitou because otherwise they will never see Kite again (again, which is followed by the time he justified to Meleoron as “I have a magic word, Kite” to stop Gon from being stubborningly reckless), where Gon was triggered litterally to tell Killua that famous sentence the whole fandom holds against him, telling him it’s none of his business. And I really mean it litterally: this is the sentence that pushed Gon to snap at Killua. The narrator even says that Gon’s anger was all over the place, not knowing who to aiming it at. Then Killua said that. That’s the moment Gon targetted him with his anger. Because Killua made him snap out of his killing frenzie by using Kite, therefore bringing up Gon’s traumatized way to deal with it. Which is, litterally, triggering him. Even if it wasn’t Killua’s intention. Triggering someone isn’t always an intention. It’s just a thing that happens. Killua wasn’t trying to Trigger Gon. But he was trying to calm him down. He was using Kite as a way to calm him down, and Kite’s sake wasn’t the priority when it happened.

That’s what i mean and say when i talk about the triggering instances. and i don’t have the energy to go back to all my posts about it, they’re ways too old for me to do so, so if i can’t garentee that was my thoughtprocess back then, it is mine now. That’s it.

Hope it clears my point up?

Take care!

[takaraphoenix]

Can I just say something, Hazel is not v. realistic. Like I'm 13 and i can't say the same for all 13yolds but neither me nor my friends dream of growing old w/ a husband and like rick makes her and sammy to be soulmates and that's not how a 13yo's mind functions. Also, she shouldn't be completely dependant on her. And as someone who has experienced racism its v wierd that she only experiences in her schooling rather than also w/ her mum and even in new rome. 1/2

2/2 : And Rick just randomly makes the chracters diverse but then he forgets that race is a part of character. I mean Hazel was living in the 40s as an African American and now when she’s resurrected we hardly hear anything about her experiences w/ racism. It’s not realistic. I’d expect her to maybe have some centering as a character on that. I just think that Rick cannot display characters out of his perspecitve at all and im just very annoyed. idk what do u think on this all

When I was thirteen, we all didn’t quite think past the point of high school graduation - our life was in the now. We definitely did not think about growing old and picket fences.

But yeah, I said it in a post before - many posts by now - but Riordan writes only what he himself experiences. And that is the life of a fifty year old white CIS het man. And while I can’t attest for the CIS part because I’m not reading that one series that features the genderfluid character, you can feel every other aspect of that list very strongly.

You can feel the “fifty year old” when you read about literally every single teenager dreaming about the white picket fence.

You fan feel the “white” when you read Hazel, Reyna, Piper and Leo.

You can feel the “hetero” when you read the clumsy coming out of Nico at the end of Heroes of Olympus. And actually also in Will’s flippant attitude when talking to Nico about it, because in my experience as a fledgling lesbian, older and more experienced gays and lesbians were being very gentle and welcoming and not like “LOL that’s why I was trying to talk to you for so long because I’m gay too!”. That was just to retcon in that Will was also gay; had Riordan actually cared about the gay sub-plot before, then we would have had interactions between Will and Nico in PJatO.

You can feel the “man” at every female POV in the Heroes of Olympus series. Every. Single. One.

Gotta admit, as a white girl from Germany, I do not know how things are for black people in the US (you know, beyond the generic news coverage online and the police propaganda in cop shows), but nowadays with things like Black Panther, Black Lightning, Dear White People, Timeless (seriously, the part that I adore most about that show is how it dives into the female and black history, the kind that’s brushed under the rug), also gotta mention One Day at a Time here for the Latinx representation, I realized just how very… white-author the Heroes of Olympus characters feel.

Especially with Hazel it infuriates me because she comes from a different time and to include how her experience is, how things have changed - and worse yet, how things haven’t changed - would be so incredibly interesting. How she experiences everything.

I mean, seriously, Percy got shunned for being a son of Neptune because Neptune was feared - but so was Pluto. Just how awful must it have been for the black daughter of Pluto in New Rome…?

But oh no, worry not, the black girl from the 40s with no knowledge of the modern world perfectly integrated into New Rome in 2010. No issues here at all.

We live in a time and age where not everyone can be straight and white.

We live in a time and age where representation isn’t just asked for, we demand it, because the world isn’t straight and white.

So the author of the book series where every single major character was white started sweating. (Beckendorf and Ethan were the only non-white characters and oh look, both got killed off.)

So he… he literally just looked around what there is to represent and just slapped a label on each of his characters, like a check-list.

We need A Black Character - Hazel, check.

We need An Asian Character - Frank, check.

We need A Gay Character - Nico, check.

We need A Native American Character - Piper, check.

We need A Latinx Character - oh, let’s be generous on that one; Leo and Reyna, double check.

I didn’t notice that back then, when I first read the books. But by now…?

I’m not saying I could do better - heck, unlike Riordan I also have the disadvantage of living in Europe and thus not even second-hand witnessing what the American Experience might be like for people of color - but if you decide to write a major book series and represent something you are not familiar with - may it be being gay, or from a different cultural background, or being a woman - then you should at the very least put the research into it to back it up.

Or, the easier cop-out, stick to what you did before.

And I don’t mean that as “just write whites”.

It really would be less of an issue if Heroes of Olympus had still been only from Percy’s perspective. Because we would have only gotten to meet the characters through Percy’s eyes - and not their own.

Because then we wouldn’t have had those flashbacks to Hazel’s past, we wouldn’t have to question how it came that those characters didn’t think about certain things or complain how they all seemed to think about other things collectively. And literally no one would have complained about a lack of POV changes, because PJatO didn’t have those - it was all Percy, so no one would have questioned if the sequel had also all been Percy.

It’s one thing writing about characters, but it’s different writing as characters. And in my personal opinion, Riordan shot himself in the foot by making HoO a POV split between this very diverse cast of characters, without having the actual background knowledge to flesh them fully out.

Not to mention the part where I generally think that going from one POV up to three and then to seven and nine different POVs had already been too much of a jump, but if you do that with so many different characters, who should also all have a different feeling to them, that only makes a difficult task that much more difficult.

Now, obviously, having the Seven all be white males would have been a disaster and also the wrong choice.

There are different things that could have been done though.

Like I mentioned, keeping it Percy’s POV, which we all would have been used to and no one would have questioned (heck, even if he had just done it a Jason and Percy POV due to Lost Hero).

Doing actual research for the things you write about. Also an option.

Or dialing down on the unknown. Let’s not forget, he wasn’t just juggling seven characters who represented something he wasn’t personally familiar with (also including Annabeth, because girl), out of the total of nine main characters all but three were completely new and had to be introduced.

In my personal opinion, he should have carried more characters than just Percy and Annabeth (and then later on also Nico, but not important enough to be one of the Seven) over into this book-series.

Clarisse, for example - she is over twenty, she is an experienced fighter and hero. That’d be a female character to be fully explored, but who has already been introduced (and would have made more sense than Frank, Hazel, Leo and Piper on terms of them literally having been introduced to the demigod world barely months prior with a total of one quest of experience before going to war).

Chris Rodriguez, who while never explicitely stated to be Latino as far as I remember, the name does imply and Riordan could have doubled down on that and included him. Hermes is a very diverse god, considering how much Riordan played with the powers of not overly powerful gods like Bellona or Aphrodite or Hephaestus, he could have done the same with Chris. It’d also have been fascinating to see the former traitor work hard to earn back his place at camp and to explore the mental strain put on him in the Labyrinth.

You would not have to start from scratch if you take characters you already have established. It makes everything easier, both for you as the writer and also for the readers, who don’t have to familiarize themselves with half a dozen completely new main characters.

And it takes away that edge of it being utterly ridiculous that, despite both camps having veteran heroes who fought in the Titan War and are around 20 years of age, they decided to send four kids who are essentially total newbies and of whom one is 13 and two are 15.

But yeah, those are just… personal picks on how he could have handled it better. Me, I simply wouldn’t have written about a prophecy of seven because this is a damn war. Seriously, the quest for Atlas, a minor stepping-stone on the way to the Titan War, already featured five main players with Percy, Thalia, Grover, Bianca and Zoe, only two less than this entire freaking war needed according to the prophecy.

Have it be the Giant War. Feature all of those new characters, but also your already established ones. Keep it first person Percy POV and show them fighting together, instead of singling only seven demigods out in something that is supposed to be an all out war against Mother Earth.

Neither of those are be all end all kind of answers to the problem, but suggestions on how it could have been handled differently.

The important thing would be growth and as someone for whom HoO was just too much, I can not judge that. Because everyone makes mistakes and everyone grows as a writer. So if Riordan saw what he did and learned from it - I know one of the Magnus Chase mains is a Muslima, another is mute, I think, and one is genderfluid, so if all of those are handled with more respect, research and dedication and it shows that he learned from the past, then that’s good and okay, because nobody is perfect and it’s all a learning curve, but if those are also just cardboard cut-outs put in place to be Representation, then that’d be… sad, I guess. And disappointing.

But, well, due to not having read that - and not planning on reading that - I can’t attest to it. I can just hope for the best for the readers who seek representation and got giddy about the prospect. I hope they didn’t get disappointed in that.

And I hope he will continue to learn from mistakes and grow as a writer, because yeah I generally don’t wish anyone anything bad and I truly, truly loved Percy Jackson and the Olympians. He hurt himself by trying too many new things in the sequels and if he learns to handle that and return the writing to the quality of PJatO, that’d be pretty amazing.

[akai-hito]

Three girl I'm going to talk about in the future :

Tsubaki : an old oc mine who found their calling into being Ayane best friend in the fanfic "Take it easy". She initially was a warrior from fantasy world who had her conscious sealed away and her body wrapped in band like a mummy and awakened millenia after in another world, with a last mission to accomplish before to have the right to finally pass away. Now I'm sure she's pretty happy to be in a simpler role as a human. She's as muscular than before though she can't break the floor in half, she can still break a Matsu in half but she will never, as she is also a gentle giant. One of her hobbies beside the sport she obviously practice everyday is how she read the JUMP and love shounen. More of a manly woman, you'd say, which gathered her a lot of attention in high school. you know the prince you always have in those shoujo manga? Well she were more of a knight and she kinda swept away all the princess from him. That wasn't the attention though, but seem like Tsubaki's muscle always make them attractive to people though it's easy to deny that muscle on women are beautiful in the first place.

She's not close to the matsu, though she think they're kinda cute and funny to talk to especially for the reaction she get from them. The funniest for this is Choromatsu in her eyes.

Lutecia : initially a self insert oc created when I was active in the amoursucre fandom. She was more of a genki girl who you shouldn't get on the bad side back then, as she will not hesitate to throw punch. If you don't know the game, it's a dating sims, plain and simple which had character you'd expect such as the cliche love rivals who's Totoko is often changed into, her called Amber. Lutecia didn't have time to talk to Amber tho, she pissed her off so after some light bullying she kinda just accidentally pushed her fist in her face and after some day of detention she stopped to have problem with her oh sweet. Beside this, Lutecia evolved to be a guitarist deeply involved in fancontent as she made a lot of cover over the year. She even formed a band but it didn't last long. She still does vocaloid cover around her thirty, as her step little sister dragged her into it again.

As for the Matsu, she didn't meet anyone else than Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu but the first one is the one she bonded with the most, as a kind of weird teacher-student relationship. The thing is that like the one above, Lutecia also have this charisma who get her to have girls crushing on her too but contrary to the one above it's more beneficent to her since she's bisexual. Initially she just wanted to be redirected to Akihabara as she was travelling with her little sister because the latter wanted to see this place. And it didn't go well since nobody listened and even by being literally fluent in Japanese from the time she was a high school student to now, that's still hard to be heard. Hopefully though he had his Karamatsu spot stolen, Karamatsu had the mindfulness to guide her just after have asked (begged) her what was the secret of her coolness. In this brouhaha any escape was welcome. So they hanged out a while like this and I really like the bond it finished to be. As for the lesson of coolness, she thought about it for a while to finally tell him :

"By coolness, I feel like it's more about how reliable you look at the point that other can't help but idolise you uh? The core still reside in being reliable. Maybe you weren't for your brother, or you think yourself that you just... Aren't. But someday, something will come out in your life and you'll have the choice to either run away or fight. If you fight, even if you lose, you'll have to see from how far you've come. And just your choice of reply make you more reliable than if you ran away. That'll make you reliable and cool. But also more responsible now. That's the heartbreaking part because the responsibility is always heavy."

It happened before the famous episode 24.

But with how things gotten seem like Kara got better. As for Lutecia, she came back to France with her little sister but they're still in contact because Karamatsu want to send her little that she struggle to read with his mix of English, Japanese and even French.

Clara : a more recently created OC this time. This one is significantly younger as she is 13yo, but act extremely childishly around her sister making other confused about her old. She recently got into fandom and is into Lolita fashion or really anything which make her feel like a princess and she doesn't intend to change even if it's seen as childish. I want to make of her a magical girl but it's for another story. A story which have every chance to be called "Magi Magi Kurara" or something alike

As for the Matsu, the reason why her older sister know Jyushimatsu at all is because this fella get along with him. That's due to how Karamatsu was with him at some point and as Lutecia is always with Clara they kinda bonded as the two other were talking.

They also broken havoc in the town and probably robbed a bank to buy all the candies they wanted. They also realised that they could've just robbed the place instead of the bank too bad.

[alightinthelantern]

I think a lot about the fact that when I was thirteen, I spent twenty minutes helping free an old woman who was a complete stranger to me unjam her car door, after it had frozen in the cold. I was with my social worker du jour and this old woman called out for help from her car window as we were walking down the sidewalk and explained, and I immediately went over and started helping, because someone needed help and I was there. I spent twenty minutes trying the handle, pulling at the stub, all to no avail, and then it finally dawned on me (God knows why it didn’t beforehand) to try pulling the stub and handle at the same time, and that finally unlocked the frozen door, and the woman was able to get out of her car. The woman had even told me at one point “It’s alright, you’ve tried your best” part-way through the endeavor, and said I could go, but I said something like “No, I’ve started this and I’m going to see it through”. Or that was what I was thinking at the time anyway, I remember clearly.

My social worker, a Christian, was so moved by the entire encounter that afterward asked me, with emotion, if she thought God worked through people. “Maybe,” I said, not knowing. She then asked if I thought God worked through me. “No!” I said emphatically, disgusted and horrified. “Maybe through other people, but not through me,” I said, with all the air and self-assurance a too-smart 13yo could muster up. The idea that I was possessed by some other entity horrified me, and I knew on some subconscious level that crediting my actions to some other power was an insult to me. I had acted completely of my own volition and faculties, and knew so quite well.

I was designing ocean liners and warships when I was ten years old, drawing up plans for vessels blueprint-style on sheets of graph paper taped together with Scotch tape. I worked with a pencil and a ruler and copied and recreated the ships I read about in books, like the Queen Mary and the Titanic, the Lusitania and the aborted Oceanic III. Everyone I showed my drawings to growing up with childish pride in my heart were amazed by what I drew. I soaked up information like a sponge, and I learned things quickly. It was obvious to everyone who interacted with me that I was bright beyond my years. The social worker with me on that Winter episode was one of the longest social workers I’d ever worked with, a relationship lasting several years, and she in fact filled in for a semester as a substitute teacher at my school at the time, when the English teacher left on maternity leave. One day, while driving me home after school in her red sedan, she was talking about my classmates in the English class, and how it tired her out interacting with them. I forget the exact construction of her sentences, but it went something like “I have to talk to them differently than I do you. With them, I have to, although it’s a mean thing to say, and I shouldn’t say it, but kind of ‘dumb down’ my language with them. With you I can speak equally, like with adults.”

“Why is that bad?” I asked. “It’s okay”, I said, with childish innocence. Obviously it wasn’t something to be said to their faces, but if it was the truth then how could it be bad to say in confidence? I was probably only flattered by the compliment. By the time I was twelve or thirteen, I could talk on an intellectual level on par with the twenty-somethings in my life. Growing up as a teenager, I was at a loss of how to explain that, but now that I’m in my twenties myself, I realized the answer is simple: people in their twenties are fucking morons, because people in general are stupid, stupid creatures.

When I was thirteen I tried to kill myself, because I couldn’t take the constant abuse my mother and sisters inflicted upon me. I was exhausted and miserable and hated myself and took a knife into my hands. I couldn’t manage the deed, my body refusing to obey me (I still don’t know why), and I was dragged to the hospital, declared insane, and put in a mental hospital for three weeks, and then in a halfway home for two months. All the while my cunt of a mother played the beatific martyr to all heads of authority, and was ready to Welcome Me Home With Open Arms once she and the authorities felt the state system had punished me enough, and I went finally to live with her again. I spent my entire teenage years depressed, abused, degraded, and constantly borderline-suicidal, and only when I moved into my own apartment at age nineteen, living on SSI funds provided by the state, did I begin the slow, years-long process of slowly, so slowly, unlearning the lies they told me, that I wasn’t good enough, that they loved me, that they treated me how I deserved to be.

My sisters lied and stole growing up but because I was a boy and I was Autistic I was Violent and Dangerous and Selfish and Awful in my abusive mother’s eyes. They bullied me and I was the one punished. When they were fourteen they stole $140 dollars from their mother to buy a ferret from Petco, because she wouldn’t buy one for them. Eventually they were caught out and the money returned, and my mother was quick to forgive them, much quicker than she ever was to forgive far minor infractions on my part. One sister is now a tattooed bar rat who smokes cigarettes and weed and gets drunk for fun, and the other is a pathological sociopath, and abusive narcissist like her mother and grandmother before her. She’s an absolute cunt just like our mother and her mother, and I wish death upon them daily.

When I was nineteen or twenty, I saw a woman sitting on a bench crying. I had no idea who she was or what was going on, but I immediately leapt into action, and rushed to the local Ben & Jerry’s a couple blocks away to buy a cone for her. I had to wait in the fucking line that’s always clogging the place up, and didn’t arrive back in my original spot until over fifteen minutes later, at which point the woman had left. Because I’m someone who sees things through when I start something, I ran up and down the entire four blocks of the pedestrian marketplace four times each, stopping every woman who looked like her and asked her “Excuse me, were you sitting on that bench [pointing in direction] over there?” Because my vision is bad and I mentally categorize human beings on physical traits, this meant I stopped thin, tallish woman in her mid-twenties who had long, straight, bleached-blonde hair and was wearing a blue jacket with a black or dark blue shirt underneath. Because most people are dark-haired in my state, this meant I stopped somewhere between eight and thirteen women, I can’t remember now.

All of them answered “No” when posited with my question, and then I apologized, excused myself, wished them good day, and took off to try to find the woman who’d been crying. The one woman who answered differently said “Yes,” when I’d asked if she’d been sitting on a bench and pointing back in the general direction. She was with a group of friends and seemed too happy and clear-faced to have been crying moments before, so I asked her if she’d been crying. She said no. Growing up in an abusive household means you can’t do anything you want without some sort of justification; “Because” is a reasonable reason for parents treating you like shit, but is never enough when you want something yourself. Having been trained by my upbringing to explain my every action to avoid punishment, I quickly explained that I’d seen a woman crying on a park bench and had bought ice cream to cheer her up, but she’d left and I was now trying to find her. The women in the group gasped and one of them said “You’re so sweet!” But I’d already spun around and took off, and didn’t catch their faces. Every moment that I failed to find the woman was another moment the ice cream was melting, and another moment she might be getting away.

I never found the woman, and eventually giving the dripping cone to an obese girl with a cardboard sign saying she was homeless. I asked her if she wanted it, and she said yes with a rush of gratitude and emotion in her voice. I handed it off, furious at my inability to succeed in my mission. Several weeks later, I was walking along a hill high above the lakeshore with another social worker du jour, and I saw the girl and some friends swimming in the water. Their conversation carried up clearly in the moist, overcast weather, and realized they were bathing and naked. “People are so much nicer here,” the girl was saying too-loudly to her friends, much louder than them. “Back in Michigan I didn’t have any friends.” I grew intensely uncomfortable, and whispered urgently to the social worker “Let’s leave”. We hurried along the path, and away from that private scene.

When I was twenty-one or twenty-two I was walking along a country road enjoying the beautiful summer weather, when I saw a small snake sunning itself on the road. I knew that if it remained there it would get run over, it was far too small for any driver to see, and fetched a twig and started gently prodding it. “Come on,” I said, you have to get off the road.” I knew snakes were deaf, but I spoke anyway. It ignored me at first, but I couldn’t risk giving in and kept going, and then it started darting its tongue out at me repeatedly, looking annoyed. “I know,” I said, “I’m sorry. But you have to get off the road, you’ll get run over!” I made sure never to touch it harder than a nudge, and not to touch it except with the flat of the twig’s stem. I nudged it a few more times, and then it darted off the road and into the grass. I watched it another minute or two, to make sure it wouldn’t go back onto the asphalt, but when I approached it again it scurried further into the grasses. Satisfied, I went my way again, moving along the side of the road at a leisurely pace. Not three minutes later a car whizzed by me, an SUV going entirely too fast for a country road.

When I was twenty-two or -three I was shopping at the grocery store and encountered a young woman stocking items on the shelves, who smiled at me as I passed by. I ended up running into her repeatedly as I went about my shopping, and each time she smiled to me. I knew it was only out of politeness, but people never smile at me, they glare or stare with incredulity and judgment, and I was overcome with emotion. I had to thank her somehow, so I bought a rose along with my other groceries, and after I’d gone through checkout found the young woman and gave the rose to her. “This is for you,” I said, nervously. She stared at me with a blank smile, not moving a millimeter, and other store patrons were turning to stare at me, so I quickly handed it to her, wished her a nice night, and fled the store. When people stare at me it means they’re about to yell at me, and I didn’t feel like being yelled at for trying to repay a good deed.

My entire life I have given my heart away without a second thought, I have loved hard friends who humiliated me, I have honored and loved and begged for kindness from family members who abused me. I have been a shining plot of love in a wasteland of evil and cruelty.

I am better than other people. I am smarter than the average person, and I am kinder than the average person. I’ve been debased and dehumanized my entire life, and it took me forever to realize my own self-worth. It took me forever to realize that I am not worse than other people, I am better. I have done good things, things without thought that I only realized later in life others would never consider doing. I still enjoy being kind and performing goodness, and I do it, and have always done it, for kindness’ sake alone. I’ve never asked for recompense of any kind, I’ve only ever desired a small “thank you” in return.

And if simply acknowledging that makes me an asshole, makes me conceited, like everyone tells me it does, with their glares and their pinched lips and passive-aggressive silences, with their stupid hypocritical derision born of a lack of self-awareness, then so be it. So fucking be it, because I am so fucking done with human beings and what fucking imbeciles they all are.