#they are bffs and i wont accept anything else

[delicatefalice]

i love my badass sisters who love a good fight who gossip about the guys in their little family and learn thing from each other

[crossovereddie]

Actually, here is an alternative thing for you to occupy your time with, and a question I have been meaning to ask you for a while. I have finished 911 finally! So I'm ready for the new season. And I wonder, realistically, what do you think the roadmap would be for a buddie endgame?

I absolutely see how their story has been framed and filmed in a lot of parallels to how a romantic storyline would be set out. But there has been no outright mention of either of them being bi - although the conversation about Maddy setting Buck up with whassisface was very casual and could very easily have been an example of canonically bi Buck - and they are both at the end of season 4 in 'relationships' with women.

So, in your estimation, what's the timeline? What's the transition? How do they go about this and how long does it take? I wanna know your thoughts 👀

okay yes i have lots of thoughts on this and it's actually one of my fave questions i get asked. I've always watched a lot of tv shows so I'm just estimating on what I've seen before and what I would personally do. IMO this love story is a slow burn. We only have four seasons so far and only three of those seasons have Eddie in them. This unsurprisingly got long so ill put it under the cut.

So I'll go by seasons bc to me its important to look at everything that has happened so far by seasons and by love interests and not as a whole. Its the best way i can form a timeline that I think would make the most sense and why

S1: So we don't get any hints at Buck being anything other than straight and I think this is because he was supposed to be. They hadn't planned for Eddie yet and they definitely hadn't planned for the chemistry Oliver and Ryan were gonna have. S1 Buck was this reckless kid who didn't take anything serious. He was definitely super immature. Then he meets Abby and he starts to get serious about his job and his love life. I'm not gonna say "Abby changed him" because she didnt. He saw the person he was and the person he was becoming and decided on that change himself.

S2: Eddie!!!! So we get introduced to this army medic turned firefighter in the least heterosexual way. Then Buck is angry because Eddie is hot and really good at his job. they work together and Eddie compliments Buck and now they're smiley bffs. Seriously wtf was all that? Anyway this is all sus bc from what ive seen before in other shows when a main love interest leaves and a new main character replaces them, that means something. JLH replaced Connie Britton as far as big name actress but i really believe Eddie replaced Abby as far as importance in Buck's life. Do i think they brought him in with the intentions of turning him into a LI? No but they sure fueled the narrative from the get go. I think they saw fans reactions and started testing the waters.

Moving on to LIs in this season. We find out Eddie has a kid and the mother is not in the picture (eddie made sure buck knew that right away). Then later on we find out he's technically still married. shannon comes back and we get Eddie finally getting to confront this head on. He tries to get his family back together for the sake of his son. Its big for Eddie's character bc all he does and all he's ever done is for his son. Then Shannon asks for a divorce then she dies bringing this arc to an abrupt end and leaving eddie heartbroken.

meanwhile Buck is still waiting for Abby. Then he finally accepts that shes not coming back and decides to move on. He goes right back to being "Buck 1.0" with Taylor and feels bad about himself because that really isnt him anymore. He wants a real relationship. So then Ali calls and asks him on an actual date and he agrees. This is his first try at a relationship after a heartbreak. in tv these don't usually work out but are used to develop the main character's growth. We don't really see much of her but she breaks up with him so.

S3: This is Eddie finally dealing with his feelings/guilt season. This is also the season I think we really see how important Buck is to the Diaz boys. S2 had cute buckley-diaz family moments but those could still be interpreted as a best friend and his best friend's kid. This season though... after the tsunamic episode was when i really started to fully believe buddie was going canon. This season is solidifying their bond not only as Buck and Eddie but as Buck Eddie and Christpher. As I'm writing this I realized neither of them really has a love interest in this season do they? Ana is introduced but then is clearly presented as definitely NOT the right choice for eddie and especially for Chris. Then they counter that with Buck helping Eddie build a skateboard for Chris that he can use as opposed to Ana's ablest remarks about how he can't do it so just move on to something else. Then we get Buck's reaction in Eddie Begins. Buck has seen his team his friends his family get hurt on the job before but he has never reacted the way he did when it was Eddie in danger. Again solidifying just how much these two mean to each other. Don't even get me started on this season being when Eddie changes his will offscreen. Anyway we get Abby back and Buck finally gets the closure from that relationship that he needs to move forward into a serious relationship.

Now S4: jfc s4....IMO this is the only logical season to get the ball rolling on Buddie and they sure did that with 4x14 despite everything else. So i never thought they would be the first serious relationship for each other after the heart break theyve both experienced. It wouldn't be fair to their character developments. Buck tries dating Veronica and that clearly doesnt work but we know hes now open to dating again. We get Buck Begins where we see why Buck is the dare devil he is. The only way he got his parents attention as a kid was to put himself in danger. They bring back taylor and how to they ultimately get together after she friendzones him? She thinks hes in danger and suddenly wants him. As much as i hate it this is really gonna be a relationship where Buck finally stands up for himself and sees his own worth and realizes he deserves more. He deserves someone who sees him and loves him for who he is. He deserves to be chosen, something Abby Ali his parents dont do and what i think taylor wont end up doing. I feel like shes gonna choose her career over him. Maybe not in a "I'm breaking up with you" way but maybe she takes a new job and want to do LD (hes tried that twice and it didnt work for him. hes not gonna want that) or she could ask him to go with her but he wont. His family is in LA. His job is in LA. Eddie and Chris are in LA and he won't leave them. Then we have Eddie finally deciding to move on and try dating again so they bring back ana. To me it's not gonna work out so I'm not bothered at all lmao. It's interesting that they'd choose her though. Someone we already know Eddie doesn't trust with his son. There's also more buckley-diaz family scenes of them being coparents. The hildy episode, Chris running to Buck when hes mad at eddie, Buck being the one to tell Chris Eddie got hurt, then Buck staying with Chris and taking on the guardian role without him even knowing just how much that role really does belong to him. He didn't do it out of obligation. He didn't do it because he was asked to. He did it because he thought it would be best for Chris. Finally to 4x14. This is by far the biggest "Oh shit this is it. This is the beginning of buddie". We find out Eddie changed his will a year ago and has just been sitting on this info. I think Eddie knew back then what it meant but he wasn't in the right mindset to accept what it means so he kept it to himself. I think he finally started allowing himself to go there during treasure hunt. The man was jealous yall. Carla coming back and her comment about doing whats best for him and not chris is his oh shit moment. I think he wouldve broken up with Ana a few days after that if he had the time lol. He gets caught up in the mother/son sl then this poor mf gets shot by a sniper. The way that whole scene was filmed btw was not in a bff way. That was a lover watching his beloved almost die in front of him. Buck again puts himself down and Eddie decides this is the moment. He needs Buck to see how important he is. He wants buck to know how loved he is. So he sits there talking himself up to it and finally lets Buck know just how big of a part he is in Eddie's family. Buck's previous scene is him saying he wants someone who wants him back then here is Eddie saying he needs him...Chris needs him. wtf.

So with S5: I think Eddie knows and Buck has a feeling but he's not sure so what i would do is spend s5 with Eddie basically showing Buck his feelings but not exactly getting in the way of Buck's new relationship because Buck has to be the one to make that choice. Id also have chris feeling the different shift with buck having a gf like he did with Eddie. This newfound info wasnt just dropped on us for a "Aww so sweet" moment. This will business is gonna be a part of a bigger storyline. I'm hoping its with Eddie's family during maybe 5b.

So what I think would be the best timeline for canon buddie is 5a eddie already having either broken up with ana or is gonna break up with her, Buck choosing himself and ending things with Taylor by midseason finale, them bringing in Eddie's family in 5b and maybe then being when Eddie confesses his feelings for Buck. Then 6a we could get them walking on egg shells around each other not really knowing what to do bc this is all so new for both of them. This could bring just the right amount of comedy and angst especially them awkward and flustered around each other at work. A big blowup can happen between them for added angst (maybe an arguement before one of them or both of them is put in danger) then a midseason finale kiss. Then trying to find the balance between their personal relationship and their work relationship during 6b.

I don't know how long Fox shows last but procedurals can last a long time. I'm not sure thats gonna be the case for 911 especially with all the main cast staying that long so i think this would give us at least a whole season (S7) of canon buddie.

As far as then being presented as straight, there's been more seeds planted about buck being bi. A few i can remember off the top of my head: all of 2x1 lmao, maddie's comment about bucks boy crush on eddie, buck hinting at thinking eddie is cute when he thinks maddie is talking about him, the christmas elf, the comments on the instagram livestream, idk if youve watched it or not but TK's comment to Buck in the crossover episode, and like you mentioned Maddie's casual comment about setting him up with Josh. All we really know about Eddie's love life is he married Shannon when they were young and is trying with Ana so it could turn into a whole storyline for him.

I'm so sorry this is so long and took forever but i I hope i actually answered your question and didnt just get lost in rambles lmao.

[acidmatze]

I said “I wont elaborate” under my Gojou is autistic blurb earlier but that was because it was 3am and now its not and im more or less conscious (Awake would be an overstatement) and my need to overshare is as big as my brain telling me not to because my words dont make any sense anyyway (Unstoppable force VS unmoveable object)

This isnt meta or an analysis its just me screaming excitedly into the void while i wait for my headphones to charge so i can leave the house (music blocks out noises)

So why would I say he is autistic in the first place? Because I can. “Oh but he doesnt seem autistic hes so open and extroverted and talkative” Bruh, if i would have to list all extroverted, talkative, open autistic people i know we would still be sitting here tomorrow. Autistic = introverted, quiet and shy is a false equivalency and we should bury it. Anyway, I wouldnt have thought of him as autistic too until i read how everyone else around him (sometimes including the reader) reacts to him. How they describe him and I realised that this didnt match up at all with what I was perceiving. And then i realised that people used to perceive me exactly the same way as they perceive Gojou now. The reason they now view me differently is 1. I avoid people out of fear 2. I did years of therapy and introspection and think i have the worst mistakes under control now. NTs are really picky with what behaviours they accept and when and seriously i still dont know what their deal is, just chill out. I am still consciously choosing different dialogue options than i normally would but those would piss people off for reasons i can only vaguely understand. Gojou meanwhile doesnt limit himself like that, he does what many of us really want and just says whatever. Hes still respected cuz hes the strongest sorcerer while when i would say whatever i naturally would people would beat the shit out of me. (Catch me throwing hands with Barbara in the soup aisle because i let her know that her coat is hideous. After all, if people are allowed to openly and loudly tell me that the way i look is weird then i should be allowed to tell people that their fashion sense sucks. At least their choice is deliberate while i can do very little about my face)

Okay back on track. Gojou actually sucks at communicating. But he has enough self-esteem to not care. If they dont get him they dont get him and those who will, will. People would perceive him differently if he wouldnt suck. He sucks at communcating empathy He sucks at communicating his thoughts and intentions He sucks at communicating his emotions He only sucks at this in the eyes of many neurotypicals, mind you. My autistic bff and me understood him plenty. (Pls dont ask me what he Actually means cuz i just cannot put it into words. If i could i would have more friends cuz i wouldnt suck at communicating too) Somehow his use of metaphors stroke some people as odd which stroke me as odd cuz many people do that to help others or themselves understand complex issues better. But apparently when he does it its wrong? Maybe because you need to know the source of the metaphor? I dunno. Probably. I think if he opens his mouth to say something you only get roughly 50-60% of the actual message. The emotions, true intentions and everything else is left behind cuz shits hard to communicate, especially when your mind has a million thoughts at once and everything is happening so much. Its something you just learn to live with eventually. Some start overexplaining, some dont realise that the other party doesnt get the entire message and some dont care. I mostly overexplain, Gojou doesnt care. Its like youre getting only raw data and data isnt the most emotional stuff ever, right? (Unless youre a nerd like me and get Very Emotional over raw space data because SPACE IS BEAUTIFUL, MAN) I forgot what else i wanted to say because

Unlimited Void just reads like a sensory overload. Someone should trap me in there and I would probably say it feels like a regular Tuesday. The entire eye thing reads like either constant sensory overload or having shitty eyesight or both. (As someone who has both..... both) I have to block out sounds and Gojou has to block out sight, understandable. Sight is the sense we take in the most with so i can imagine that gets overloaded the fastest, especially when you see more than regular people do. (Sometimes it DOES feel like we see more than everyone else. Maybe we do? Who knows) Like yesterday i went absolutely ballistic in the supermarket cuz they changed their entire layout and colour scheme and its already a big and noisy and overwhelming store to begin with and the new layout made everything even worse. New things sucks. They make me anxious. Unless i want them. Years before i was only able to enter a store with music on and blocking out every other noise and dont even attempt to talk to me Im focussing on not loosing my shit over all the other senses being overloaded. Now i learned to suppress the shutdown until im back home so i can loose my shit there. Have you ever seen everything at once? Heard everything at once? If youre NT you maybe say yes but i would say nah you havent. If you would you would loose your shit, you wouldnt even know what to do anymore, you would probably either lie down on the floor screaming or shut down completely and not do anything, because just breathing is now taking all energy. There is nothing because there is everything. Yeah sounds like Unlimited Void to me, if you ask me.

I forgot every other reason i had because what is Taking Notes So You Can Remember Later, theres only one impulse after another cuz ADHD. (They too see and hear and notice everything at once) This is a jumbled mess, have fun

[hoetaro-kujo]

MY FIRST OC PT. 2

Part 1 here

Stand here

Hellooo this second part will be about Bey's background and personality and also a few of picrews i made hehe.

Please send in you thoughts about her and who do u guys ship her with 😁

Bey Ventura

Personality:

Bey is an emo punk kid on the outside but softie af inside

Is insecure and wanted (that's why she wears a mask)

Likes to wear hoodies (she has a collection of every color)

loves to thrift shopping

Bey likes to be one with the nature, she likes plants and animals, she loves landscapes and ocean the most

She loves to read mystery novels and wanted to be a detective someday (that's why she and abba r in good terms)

Her fave book is sherlock holmes and her fave manga is detective conan

IS FREAKING LAZY

Is bffs with everyone bc she doesn't want to hurt other peoples feelings so she is always kind to them

shes super chill, patient and doesnt talk about her feelings and opinions much bc she doesn't want to regret the words she will say. now thats 50% of bey

the other 50% is pure mischievousness. Lets just say that she and mista are partners in crime.

she so LOUD when shes talking about anything that doesn't make sense or just jokes.

laughs a lot

even on shitass corny jokes (made by the gunboi)

thats the best side of her that only the gang knows and cherished

selfless. Doesn't care if she get hurt as long as her comrades are safe.

really sad but acts like a ball of sunshine

giornos bff

LIKES

Adventure, Hiking, Swimming, Surfing

loves Car Drives (she falls asleep immediately. Doesn't care how long the drive is she'll just pass out, no ine lets her drive bc of that)

she likes to wear turtle necks under a hoodie

a sweet tooth

loves nature

loves to sleep. being lazy

likes to be on missions bc the thrill of it. Causes trouble during missions (don giovanna doesn't approve)

DISLIKES

Fake friends, Disrespectful towards elders

shes a bit of a nature lover so she never use plastic/disposable stuffs

will kill u if saw littering on the ocean

amusement park rides (she doesn't trust the machines)(is really afraid)

FAVOURITES

Band/Musician: She has a wide taste in music so it ranges from kpop like BTS jpop like Radwimps and One Ok Rock to Metal, Punk and Hardcore bands like Slipknot, Sleeping with Sirens, Pierce the Veil and Green Day

Song: none. its the hardest question

Food: Donburi, Onigiri, Ramen, Sinigang, Curry, Tapsilog (basically every japanese and filipino cuisine) Lasagna, Carbonara

Dessert: everthing that is matcha flavored

Colour: blue, black, white, dark green

Flower: baby's breath (so minimalist)

Movie: Suicide Squad

Animal: turtles

Hobby: listening to music, reading, sleeping and pranking (when bored)

Ships: idk u decide (i like mista but i think they're not compatible)

HISTORY

Bey is a product of a broken family. Her idiot father who's on drugs always beats her mother to pulp until one day her mother had enough and left. She left Bey with her abusive father. At aged 16, she ran away from home and lived on the streets. Luckily she found a job on a local coffee shop in Naples. She's a smart kid. At her first salary, she bought a book about how to use staff and started learning it. She loves to read mystery novels and also books about animals. One day she witnessed a murder happened in a coffee shop she's working at. A group of people sitting on the corner of the shop near the glass window. They were group of friends chatting until one of them started to choke and their mouth begins to overflow with frothe until he passed out. Dead. Being a mystery novel fan, Bey started to tell everyone to stay still and not touch the body. She called the local police and thats when officer Abbachio came. She helped the police solve the case. And she miraculously knew who the culprit is and how he did it. She told the police that the victim is poisoned by potassium cyanide because of the faint smell of almonds in the victim's mouth. She found out that the poison is present on the straw but not on the drink. And she started to suspect the victim's friends. After the police investigation she found out how one of the victim's friends manage to put the poison on the straw. By the use of a tissue with cyanide, the culprit pretends to take a sip in the victim's drink just for the taste and wiped it with the tissue with cyanide. The evidence was found on the trash bin with his fingerprints on it. The culprit, without nothing else to say to defend himself, snatched one of the officers gun and shot Bey then himself. Bey was just shot on her arm but she loss a ton of blood so she was rushed to the a hospital. Abbachio was shocked about this kid. Who is she? How is she so knowledgeable about this field? So many questions that was etching on his mind after that murder incident and he decided to pay Bey a visit for an interview after she was all settled down. He never had the chance to visit her because she was discharged the day before he visit.

On a one fine morning, Bruno Buccellati found the murder case in the newspaper he was reading while having his toast. His mind was wandering about the young girl who solved the case. After his breakfast, he headed to the hospital where Bey is currently in.

A knock on the door startled Bey from reading her favourite manga Detective Conan. She never had a visitor before. After saying come in, a man in white suit walks in. It's Bruno. Eyebrows furrowing, Bey is confused on why a guy, a good looking guy is in her room. Perhaps he had mistaken her room to someone else.

Bruno started clearing his throat as he proceed on introducing himself and stating his intention: convincing Bey to join the gang. Buccellati thought her talent in solving crimes is a great use for his team considering she's living alone, Buccdllati is pretty confident that she'll accept his offer and alas, Bey agreed. They left the hospital since her wounds are now healed and the doctor told her she's free to go. As they are about to leave, Bey decided to use the spare bandage and wrapped it on her nose all the way down to her chin. She told Bucciallati that since the incident, people might start talking about her and her parents might come and find her which is the last thing she wants so she decided to wear that mask from that day on.

Soon, Bey passed the initiation and acquired a stand, Radiohead. She is the first of Buccellati's team, and one of his closest friend.

Hope y'all like it. I also might post abouther stand but i cant make an illustration of it so i guess i wont be posting it soon. Lol

[thoughtsfromalonelygirl]

Dear ex best friend

I miss you so much it hurts.

I remember the days when we dreamed about living in Paris, when we fought over which Jonas brother to marry, because we both wanted Nick. When we planned for graduation, moving out and the future. We were going to be maid of honor in each others weddings, and god mothers for each others babies. I remember trips to your cabin, girls nights and shopping trips. When we tried the ugliest clothes we could find, and had photoshoots in the dressing rooms. I remember the boys we liked and the songs we loved. How your family accepted me as their own, and how much I admired your family bonds. I remember how we hated school, how it was us against them. But as long as I had you, I didn't care that we didn't have any one else.

I remember the end. How much fun you had with your new friends, and how scared I was of not fitting in, and that you would like them more than me. I remember watching our friendship fade to a memory, while my heartbreak grew into a new reality. When I got my first boyfriend, and I didn't have you to talk to. When that relationship ended, and I sat there broken and alone.

I've tried to reach out, tried to build a friendship again, but for each time it hasn't worked, trying again gets harder. And I have had so many crappy excuses for not reaching out. Back then, it was that you had so many new friends, that you couldn't possibly have time for me. That is what I told my self as the days without talking slowly started to outnumber the days we did talk, until eventually we didn’t talk at all. Now, the excuses are that it's been too long, that you probably don't miss me as much as I miss you. And I am scared of reaching out now. I am scared of reaching out, only to find out that we don't have anything to talk about anymore. Maybe the memories are better as they are, and trying to build something again would just ruin what we had? I don't know.

Maybe you'll see this, and you'll know it's about you. Or maybe you'll see this, and the thought wont even cross your mind. Most likely, you'll never see this at all, but anyway I just wanted to say thank you for being my sister, even just for a while.

I love you, always.

From a former BFF

[shadowturtlesstuff]

again but better thoughts while reading

@polandbananas20

 so my spelling is terrible in this but you know i was more focused on the book than how to spell. 

Chapter 1) good intro and good starting tone. The lady next to her sucks. Good small establishment of shane.

chapter2)shane characterisation is still consistent. I like her two new roommates (will be best friends) . My guess is the boy in the kitchen will be pilot. Family means but not intentional. Has no confidence. I was right about the boy

Chapter 3) intro of pilot properly. He's good. I love the inner monologue of shane. Trying to keep eye contact, the surprise of having a normal conversation. It sets her character well. Intro to her blog which i would love to actually read (i hope there's at least one entry we can read) pilot is a musician but not. Business major. What crap. 

Chapter 4) i really feel like shane, she is just typical fangirl/ dork and i love it. Its weird being english and reading about the things that shock them like pasta in bags.i understand the watermelon.we do get to read ‘shanes writing’ but its her personal jornal not her blog.

Chapter 5) fun chapter. Intro to rome. Love the idea that shane is heavy handed and violent. Short, not alot happened other than small character establishment.

Chapter 6)intro to creative writing class which i want/need in my life.more beatles. Woman on plane works at starbucks, will she make more appearances? 

Chapter 7) the drama???or at least wht will be the drama. Pilot has a gf, called amy (wish it was me) (wait no, bc i know that plot doesnt actually like amy anymore bc he obviously likes shane. So i take it back. I want to be shane, i mean i basically am like her but oh well.)

Chapter 8) parents. Overprotective, think they know best. Urgh. guarantee one of shanes new friends fight back to her parents to support her life choices, that do not include doctor.

Chapter 9)gets an internship at travel mag company. Thats it…..

Chapter 10)rome. Looses purse. Pilot to the anxiety riddled rescue by telling his own life story about his wallet to help calm her nerves.distracts her. Basially he would do anything for shane already.re count of rome trip from her jornal again which is a good touch to further the plot. This is making me want to read dan brown (ish) all of two books i own of him

Chapter 11) the postcards are a nice touch that i hope someone reads???? Travel buddies..just saying.chad..hmmm,im like shane,well see if he is good enough for babe. Her GODDAM stupdi mean cousins being mean on her facebook, and babe seeing (best friend moment) about pilot and the whole teasing about having a boyfriend.

Chapter 12) he didnt see (but i think he did but istn sayin anything) paris i shappening. Babe is bff confirmed and i want her as my friend 

Chapter 13)angry birds addiction starts. Level three, weak, shoulder touching it romance confirmed.awwww pilot 100% waited to sleep so he could see shane safe in bed

Chapter 14) pilot with a french accent, enough  said. The flirtinggggg.  The plane woman  is back??in paris with them????

Chapter 15)pilots choices of the back in time thing are both wit shane. Its so obvious and i love it. Pilot as a fake fangirl about the eiffel tower. More flirting,kind of. Oh god chad no.he did it. Goddammit.nooo he wull run babe and shanes friendship and maybe her and pilot. ‘Assbucket’ indeed. Her an pilot are fine and i really believe her and babe will be because when she nearly gets robbed babe giver her a sympathetic smile. Not much to go on but i have hope.

Chapter 16)okay so, fav chapter, she finally spills her guts that she has anxiety basically, that she is premed with strict parents and this is scary whilst pilots lies in bed with her to relax her bc he heard her crying. He only ecoureges her slightly before going back to his bed and sleeping. My heart, i swear, soon the roles reverse and pilot will say why he is in london and all that.

Chapter 17)babe and shane bffs confired. Chad is the worst confirmed. Of course it wasnt  break up call. Of course she wants to vist. Of course pilot is to cowardly to break up and just accepts them going to paris together. Of freaking course.

Chapter 18) do not get over pilot, it wont work. Rugby guy nooooo!im team pilot how dare you kiss shane! Wow, city of glass mention. I want to make a list of every bookmentioned.

Chapter 19) pilot is not himself (obviouls) shane is worried. She is still lying to her parents an feeling bad about. Rugby guy is thankfully a no go. Pilot finds out about the kiss and guy and is clearly silently jealous. 

Chapter 20)aww shane! Im sorry pilot sucks currently. And a stupid guys trip with flat four. No. and devil chairs. 

Chapter 21)1)love the book talk.  The loneliness is kicking in, pilot man up for gods sake

Chapter 22)this red-head plain weirdo is back and going through her list like some sort of mentore. Omg!!! No. amy is here, i dont hatte her but can she not. Also, her dad…. No! (this is the stand up moment i was on about, i hope)

Chapter 23) i do not like her dad. At all. Nooo shane...no. they found out. And acted like assholes.

Chapter 24) n1!ahhhh no! Amy has her notebook. The end is nigh.im going to cry i feel like shane. 

Chapter 25) the family dinner-family outing. Niether of them manuped and shane is depressed

Chapter 26)back in america. Still hasn’t told pilot but you know it is a slow burn

Chapter 27) I, wait? Marry, some guy? Like no. I know it’s been what six years but no. I refuse.i don’t like this so called Melvin. It’s okay she doesn’t want to marry him. She goes to see pilot and finally mans up and tells him and asks if she made it and and pilot finally man’s up and tells her no she didn’t. They get stuck in an elevator

Chapter 28) the elevators doing something. Shane wants to re do London cuz she hates life

Chapter 1?) they are both back in London? Both having the same what ever is happening? 

  Chapter 2) omg. Plane lady took them back to staRt over and pilots mad about it (obv)

Chapter 3)so… they got mad but started over and I’m excited. 100%they won’t press the restart button. I’m calling it now. Cuz pilot knows he now has a chance to do the what if’s/

Chapter 4) they keep there distance but we all know it won’t last

Chapter 5) tipsy Shane? Shawarma

Chapter 6) babe thinksthere is something going on with them( again)

Chapter7)the story about fake pilot, and the kiss. Ahhhhhhg

Chapter 8)they found the button. Shane doesn’t want to go back. I do t want them to go back. They don’t go back thank god

Chapter 9) da Vinci code flirting somehow.. Shane tells him it won’t happen u less he breaks up with last Amy.

 Chapter 10) he will break up with Amy and laris is gonna happen. 

Chapter 11) so Shane is happy again, pilot broke up with amy. Shane tried to make peace with the devil chair.

Chapter 11) they are so adorable. Aswwwwewhwhehruysnwjw

 Chapter 12) Uwuwnfhueia we get more Shane and pilot flirting, 

Chapter 13) the opposite game is adorable. I like that they get to be themselves together without the awkwardness. The start of the move game. Thats my fav. 

Chapter 14) they still have the angry birds obssesion but unlike me and supercard they know when to stop.the dance ‘move’ ahh i love. The line ‘but you do.’ just shows how much they know each other and how pilot would do anything to make her smile. And the lost move (not really a move but totally a move.) once again proves their love. Also we had that plot moment where he talks about why h chose to go to london. I adore shanes rant (?) about the things she loves. And then pilot doing the same thing. Shane vs chair is my life, like i battle chairs too. 

Chapter 15) what is tfios? Ooohhh. Fault in our stars. (i googled it)i probably shouldve known by the whole always part. The dance move came back to bite pilot in the ass and now they are dancing together. Ew chad. Yes shane! That is what chad deserves. 

Chapter 16) they get intimate and gigly and happy and aaaawwwhww

Chapter 17) im glad shane still rememebers to be friends with babe and not forget her in her lovestick state currently.

Chapter 18) her postcard….the questions that haunt her so much. Sort of accepting them herself too. She finally got to do wrecking ball, they miss internship , oh no…. Start if a downall?? 

Chapter 19) shane and pilot have fallen HARD

Chapter 20) the article is off the table. Amy is there. What the hell. No. omg pilot no, you moron. THEY BROKE UP!!! Which is fair, a break is needed. They both get back on track and then try and find a balance. Hopefully. Oh her laptop….shit...the feels when all your work is just gone. Tries to reset bc she is so depressed bc she thinks she failed again. 

Chapter 21) she cant go back (thankfully) a bookstore is always a good haven to go to when your breaking down.

Chapter 22)the redemtion (?) time to try and fix everything and get back on track.the determination and the readiness to try and make everything better for herswelf, herself, and no one else is good. She makes friends with the people in her office and works harder than befire, try to get herself out of her comfort zone and experience things

Chapter 23) the confrontation with her parents. Oh god. I hope this goes well. Its going as well as it can go. Im happy shane is sticking up for her dream so she can be happy, uugh the whole dad speech of ‘i do everything for you, i know best because im older,’ i hate it. Ooohh she is making up with leo, talking ot him this time. Im happy. Leo is gay. Cool. i hate how he got broken up with becuase of his stupid family, it sucks. ‘There is no normal.’ perfect words. 

Chapter 24) her thing is in the thing!!!( also good job me with words.) her article got published (there we go)this is where she learns she can be with pilot and be successful because tracy is with a famous author and they make it work with harder schedules. Trys to talk to her parents. This time she will make there relationship work.

Chapter 25)urgh ‘you live under my roof,on my dime…’ blah blah blah. We hate controlling parents that dont see that overprotecting and controlling their childs life does more damage than good. Babe suggest self discovery trip. Babe is a grat friends. 

Chapter 26)the button thing will work…’im mad at pilot. Or am i mad at me.’ she cracked the code. She loathed herself because of her fear of failing, but because this time she worked on herself to make herself happy she no longer hates herself. Yet she still feels the same (ish) feeling that even though she worked harder and got further that she has no summer job when she gets back to the states, her parents still wont allow her choice of work.PILOTS BACK!!!!!!! She was about to press the button and he swooped in with his music.

Chapter 27) he still follows her blog and got help from babe. His speech, finished with lamppost. Where can i get a pilot?he uploaded their song. Working through the divorce thing again but it will be better because he has shane to talk to about it. Ahhh she got a job!!! Happy ending!!! My heart!!!eeeee…

epilogoue) she becomes a successful author. Her parents have accepted her and support her. Pilots a musician. He takes her to the weird plane lady and they gobe the locket back, then he makes the ultimate move. With pictures of where they fell in love he uses the beatles russain doll things to hide a ring and when she finds it she obviously says yes. And that its unfair cuz she cant top that move. 

sooo...thats it.

i really enjoyed this book. i cannot wait for her next book. this post is longwinded i apologize but oh well? again i will link my website and review as soon as its done. so far in about five hours all i have is a paragraph so it may not be as soon as i want it to be

[themikewheelers]

Will and El seriously go through all of season 3 without exchanging a direct word, huh? The Duffer Brother’s are really gonna do that to us huh? Like they freaking adopt her at the end of the season but can’t be bothered to give them one (1) interaction all season? Like not even just Will, the show completely forgot El has significant relationships outside of Mike and Hopper. Like I know a cornerstone in the story this season was that Mike and El spend too much time together but really???

I mean, I disagree that they forgot El has significant relationships outside of Mike and Hopper?? She spent more time with Max this season than Mike and Hop combined?? And obviously it wasnt as spotlighted, but her relationships with Lucas and Dustin definitely had their moments to shine as well. And to be fair, outside of the characters I just listed, El doesn’t rlly have a relationship with anyone else?

Which kinda connects to what i wanna say now, which is that yes Im disappointed we didnt see more of El with Will/the Byers in general, but the more I think about it, I think its a good thing. For El and Will specifically, I think its in character. Bc Will didnt rlly seem to have the greatest feelings about El, and that makes sense! I know everyone kinda wanted them to be bffs from the moment they met, but its realistic it didnt go that way, especially from Will’s perspective. I do think Will is jealous of El (and Max to an extent) and that makes sense. Think about how El even joined the party. Will was in the midst of the most traumatic week of his life, and when he came back of course his friends were super supportive and caring and they were always there for him, but he also knew that while he was gone they made this new friend and they missed her v much. Will feels nothing bad towards El of course over that, and jealousy probably isn’t even the right word, but he feels weird. This girl joined his friend group and he doesn’t even know her but now sees his friends upset that she’s gone. I do think to an extent he felt replaced. The same way El felt replaced by Max when she first came back in s2. The boys never did anything to specifically make Will feel replaced, its just the circumstances of how everything happened that just made things weird for him.

Then flash forward to s3. Things are finally normal. For once, the whole party is together, and Will rlly has his chance to get to know El. But there are other things he’s concerned about. First off, after spending the last year of his life battling constant trauma, he’s finally in a position where he can start to move on, but he feels like in that year so much of his childhood has been taken from him. So he clings to stuff like D&D, which his friends are moving on from, but he still feels like is an important part of his childhood and he wants to hold onto that. Also, his friends have changed so much since before everything happened, and I wont say they’re genuinely more mature than Will, but in a very superficial definition of the word, they are. They’ve got girlfriends. They don’t care about playing games. They dont wanna be kids, they wanna be teenagers. So I do think Will feels threatened by that and he hates feeling like his friends are growing up at a different speed than him, and the girls kinda become a symbol of that for him. He wants to go back to how things were before everything, and that includes not wanting the girls to be a part of the group. He doesn’t rlly understand Mike and Lucas’s relationships, he sees it as just them wanting to “swap spit” with “stupid girls.”

And I don’t think Will holds any bad feelings towards El or Max directly. Especially El, cause I do think he has very positive feelings for her. He knows she’s the girl who saved his life, who helped his friends, who’s genuinely a rlly good person. He knows that, and I think he does rlly like El as a person. He just hasn’t rlly had any interest in forming a relationship of his own with her bc he still feels awkward just having her a part of the group. So now going into s4, we can see that after everything with the Mind Flayer coming back Will acknowledges how silly his feelings before were. He realizes whats important and lets go of his anger towards the other boys for not caring about D&D anymore and all that stuff. And also, obviously now he has a real reason for why he should try to bond with El. Bc she’s not only is she living with him, she’s one of the only people he has left. So I’m looking forward to actually getting to see their relationship grow, and not just suddenly have them be BFFs as soon as El came back in s2. I never rlly thought about Will’s feelings with this stuff before, but the more I do, the more I realize how kinda ridiculous it was to assume he’d just be automatically completely accepting of the girls to the group without feeling any weirdness about it himself

[ladycavalier]

yesterday i found out that someone i thought i was friends with actually secretly hates me and i am here to vent

I forgot to go to a small class i have on fridays (got there late, better than never). My friend hanna was in the room and she said the person in question said “Thank God she isn’t here,” and Hanna asked why and he said “She’s so freaking irritating”and when the teacher said maybe i just forgot, the person said well maybe if i had actually come to class the friday before (i was at NATS, with all the other vocalists) i would have known there was a test that day. Hanna said that she told them i DID know there was a test bc i studied for it with her, and the person said then i was either dumb or didn’t care. Nobody else said anything in my defense

This is in addition to finding out yesterday that my group of friends’ first impressions of my ranged from annoying, to ditsy, to creepy. Which didn’t bother me too much, i thought, bc they all said that they liked me and it wasn’t creepy or ditsy in a cringe way, and these are the same people that asked me out to dinner with not a day before, but after hearing about the way the previously-esteemed person thinks of me, it’s really really disheartening

I have been struggling this whole month with not liking myself as genuinely as i ever have before, and that just brought it home how much there is to not like, and it’s not even a matter of “well look at yourself and make a change then” bc it’s not just things like being codependent, it’s just my personality. And it’s worse that people on here have been so encouraging, stupid as that sounds, bc A) i feel ungrateful for still feeling so icky abt myself when they think so highly of me, like it’s like my brain is going what they think doesn’t even matter, and i hate that, and B) it just makes me wonder if someone can only be my friend for so long/get to know me so well before it stops. Every. SIngle. Friendship/relationship i have EVER had has had these exact phases: likes me but doesn’t know me that well; gets to know me better and still likes me; prolonged rough patch; and finally, either gets use to me or stops. I have seen it over and over and over again enough to know it’s completely true, and i can count on literally one hand the number of people i have loved dearly who have survived the process and stuck with me. People i thought would be lifeloing friends, people i respected and liked a lot, even my very very favorite teacher, so many people have ended up not getting past the rough patch stage, and i always just thought that either we had to part ways before they got used to me and it was just bad luck, or they just didn’t like me enough to stick it out, and if they had they would have come back around to liking me. But no im thinking its not just that, and that’s not just ok, its not ok that half of the people i make friends with might grow to dislike me, and that idek if Hanna will still like me at the end of the year or not bc there is no way to know. Its really come home that i somehow drive people away and the better they get to know me, the more time they spend with me, the more chance there is of them not loiking my anymore. Srsly, my BFF has told me herself that once she graduated and stopped seeing me everyday at school, she liked me better. If she sees me too often, she gets tired of me. The same with my own mother. Idek what the heck im supposed to do when i get married and see that person everyday.

That’s why people like tallestsilver and epwhales liking me makes a part of me even sadder, bc maybe they do see the best in me that’s really there and maybe do actually like me, but thats just bc its the internet and only certain parts of me show. If yall knew me in real life, maybe i wouldnt even be that different than on here, but after knowing me for a year or two that could all change and there is know way to know. I dont know whether its something genuinely wrong with me, like stuff i can fix if i work hard enough, or if it really is my personality and “theres nothing wrong with that” and just 80% of the people i meet wont like me and “thats their problem,” and i know wanting people to like you but not everyone likes you is just a human thing, but thats not ok with me. Its not ok that i am genuinely questioning what are the chances of my current good friends getting to know and dislike me, wondering whether it will last, genuinely and unironically hating myself for the first time ever, genuinely considering whether its better just to keep some relationships distant that way the person will keep liking you. Like, if anyone else came to me and told me they were feeling those things, i would be like no that is not good. Prolly tell them to see a therapist. But thats to fix things and accept yourself, but if my self is the problem and its things i cant change that are driving people away, idk what could possibly be done with that.

ANd then i am just too lazy to actually get help and try to fix the things that can be fixed. A whole other layer of self loathing.

I have never hated myself before, but i have cried in frustration at the way i am so many times this month, more and more and more im seeing the ways i suck, how people just get tired of me, and if i am too lazy to do anything about it, or if i really can’t change it, or if something is wrong with me that i can’t appreciate the people who actually appreciate me,...that just sucks. And evne then my brain goes “yeah but how long before THOSE people end up the same way?”

People get tired of me, but if someone said that to me i would be thinking, well maybe it’s YOU not them? ANd that’s what I’m thinking. 80% of my good friends either end of getting tired of me and ghosting me, or outright disliking me. That’s a pattern that says I need to fix something badly, but idek where to begin, and what if it’s really JUST FREAKING ME, my personality, things i can’t change. I’m freaking doomed. I really really am starting to see that, and I’m starting to really hate myself for it, which i know is not the right thing to do, and pardon the melodrama here but who wouldnt hate the person who is resposnible for so much of your misery.

[cnisms]

wanted plots & established connections !

ok cool... this rlly aint shit but ! i’ve come up with some ideas (or alex reminded me of a bunch of connections i wrote for an rp that never opened) that i’d be down for. they’re not in order or anything bc there’s a few that could work for a couple different muses so i’ll just list those details after each one. if u see smth u would be down for just ... lmk :P here is my muse list for quick reference. updated w more !!

01.  a box of friendship bracelets and low quality selfies from 2009 tucked away in a closet is all that survived a dynamic friendship that fizzled into nothing. as roommates, a & b shared everything – a set of first times included. then, interests they once shared began to change and both felt as if the other was leaving them behind. neither wanted to be seen chasing desperately after someone that wasn’t interested, so they both pretend they stopped caring long ago. (ex best friends, possibly romantic, misery !) paris, aja, arabella or angel for either muse a or b.

02. a & b were in an extremely close relationship for over a year, though their friends often debated the seriousness of it as they seemed to spend every second weekend broken up. heated arguments from friday were always completely forgotten by monday, much to everyone else’s frustration. it all came to an end when a particularly nasty argument forced a to take an abrupt vacation, coming back to find b already dating someone else. (ex romantic, drama n tension. that someone else could be an npc or another muse.) angel as muse a, percy as muse a, tomas as muse a or b, rosie as muse b, or luma as muse b.

03. though they had known one another for months before, a & b didn’t really clique until their first argument. ever since then, the two have held tight to their friendship and even more to their weekly debates. they fight about anything and everything, no matter how irrelevant or ridiculous. occasionally, things will get personal and they’ll go days without talking, but they always end up back on the same couch, ranting over wine and netflix. (close frenemies.) angel, alanis, rosie or zach as either muse.

04.  everyone was well aware that a & b had always been partners in crime, many people joking to watch out for the troublesome two. just like siblings, the best friends were often bickering about something, but the frequent fights about a’s selfishness or b’s envy always came to a fast close with a playful punch. of course, there had to be a tipping point. when a heard that b had hooked up with a’s recent ex in their absence, they quickly came to the conclusion that their friendship was done for good. the two haven’t exchanged a single kind word since. (friends turned enemies. same w #2, the ex could be another muse or just an npc.) wes, elizabeth or angel as a. tomas, alanis or luma as b.

05. though they’d never been particularly close friends, a & b knew to turn to each other when seeking something they couldn’t get from those closest to them. just sex, no strings attached. it was the perfect arrangement, until it became clear that a didn’t really care about b’s personal life. b remains desperate to keep the affair secret, while a grows tired of playing it so safe. (oops . cheating plot . muse b would have to be in some kind of relationship w someone else, they could be npc tho.) luma, cici or percy as muse a. elizabeth or rosie as muse b.

06.  intoxicated beyond reason when it was made, it’s no surprise that a & b regret a lot of the things on their bucket list. though they can back out whenever they want with no real consequence, neither are willing to be the first to stand down. with some of their tasks being embarrassing and most dangerous, everyone knows to watch out when these two get together to cross another challenge off the list. (dumbass friends always risking their lives for dares) percy, luma, constance or gia as either muse.

07. a & b spend more time together than apart, using expensive wine and room service to fill in the silence between giggles and gossip that should be used to address the elephant in the room: the mutual affection isn’t as platonic as they like to pretend.  with their own experiences of romantic feelings destroying important friendships, despite the fact they both feel they are ready to get serious, they can’t help but stress the risk in their minds and wait for the other to make the first move. (romantic !!) natalya, helena, gia or arabella as either xx.

08. few people are lucky enough to find that one person they can count on for anything and everything, that’s why a has grown to resent the other people in b’s life. unaware of the jealousy, b has grown tired of the series of petty arguments that a has been attempting to start with them more recently. of course, the issue being left unaddressed has only added fuel to the fire. a has moved on to underhandedly interfering with b’s relationship in an effort to get their best friend back. (toxic bffship. one can’t handle the other having outside relationships (whether theyre romantic or platonic idk) so they scheme n make issues) luma, elizabeth or angel as muse a. luke or zach as muse b.

09. though they had always been friends, a & b grew especially close at the beginning of last year, often ditching their friendship group to go on their own adventures. on one of their messier summer nights, they slept together. the affair continued for months before they finally agreed to end it, though they only really stayed away from each other due to the fight that followed the conversation. despite their ruined friendship, a & b are forced to work together to keep the secret buried as their group grows more and more suspicious of them. (two people within a squad who went from being friends to lovers to enememes. they cheated on their s/os at the time. even tho they’re mad at each other, they’re still friends with both the exes (or current partners if any of them are still together) so they’re trying to keep their drama secret. the friendship group/partners could be other muses but also npc ? so much easier) luma, zach, paris, helena, ajay or gia as either muse.

10. committed to enmity, a & b have never let their mutual friends get in the way of their hatred for each other. there are very few events they consider important enough to save the argument for later, no strangers to bickering over brunches and formal dinners. though both refuse to give any real reasoning for their beef, everyone has their own idea. a & b grew tired of waiting for the other to apologize for the drama, deciding they’re beyond ever becoming friends. (enemies that are always being forced together by their mutual friends, detailed backstory could be developed) luma, mari, tomas, zach, ajay, helena, angel or anyone rlly as either.

11. always swearing the other was the love of their life, everyone was shocked at the demise of a & b’s very public relationship. though a appeared to deal with this much better than b, moving on to a string of hookups soon after the breakup, neither made any attempt at trying to play civil for the sake of the group. it wasn’t until just recently, when they were forced to be alone together for the first time in over a year, that they began to talk. a warm friendship quickly blossomed, though awkward moments are neither few nor fleeting as unresolved heartbreak hangs in the air. (lovers finally turned friends w a nice touch of angst) luma or zach as muse a. aja, helena or luke as muse b.

12. though a & b often claim that their beef is simply due to conflicting personalities, it’s quite clear that their separate histories with the same people play a huge part in their inability to get along. the extremity of this differs day to day, sometimes acting as frenemies exchanging snide remarks, to full blown screaming matches that secretly entertain those around them. everyone else has come to accept the fact that the two have no interest in forming a genuine friendship. (2 ppl who hate eachother bc of a mutual ex. could be an npc or another muse) tomas, percy, rosie or alanis as either.

13. a & b were quick to become best friends and have never been anything else since the day they met. for them, it’s nice knowing that someone always has their back no matter what goes on in their lives, but the rest of their friends aren’t so fond of them together. others often complain that they’re tired of the two always getting involved and fighting each other’s battles. as life forces them apart more and more often, they’ve begun to wake up to the codependent nature of their friendship. (codependent bffs that need to cool it but just love each other so dang much it ain’t easy) aja, zach or elizabeth as either.

14. a & b were always a ‘will they, won’t they’ situation to those around them, one always being interested in the other at the wrong time. they often joke about all the missed opportunities and behave as if they’re fine just being friends, but with the mutual crush returning stronger than ever before, they know it’s only a matter of time before they have to sacrifice either their friendship or their other relationships. (right there . a will they/wont they kinda relationship. one or both would have to have a lil smth going on w/ another muse or npc for the drama) constance, rosie, arabella or ajay as either.

15. after the demise of a long relationship, a began hooking up with b. the agreement was that they’d be friends with benefits and nothing else, b even writing up a list of rules for a to abide by. unsurprisingly, it didn’t last long before a was falling hard for b. no real interest in a relationship with the other, b cut a off completely. a had no choice but to attempt to move on. since then, a has never attempted to play nice with b, who so coldly broke their heart. (fwb turned enemies !!) wes, arabella, luke or beck as muse a. alanis, tomas or luma as muse b.

16. when a felt as though all their relationships were falling apart, b was there to comfort them. what was intended to be just a shoulder to cry on grew into a pure and satisfying friendship that exceeds all expectations. people often pressure the two to date and they won’t deny they’ve each had a desire to do so at different times, but they’ve dismissed these feelings as passing crushes. (platonic, fleetingly romantic) wes, aja, paris or zach as either.

17. a & b are about as different as two people can be, proving that opposites do not always attract. a makes no effort to hide the fact that they think lowly of b, while b isn’t afraid to put a in their place. there are a few, rare moments between arguments where they’ll feel bad for what was said and maybe even share a laugh, but this never lasts long before they’re bickering about something else. (negative) rosie, elizabeth, tomas, mari, helena, arabella or percy as a. wes, zach, paris or gia as b.

18. once a realized people always want what they can’t have, they quickly covered up their long-term crush on b and began giving them the cold shoulder. not much time went by before b took the bait, discovering a new interest in a. they’ve been playing this game of cat and mouse for quite some time, though neither are willing to throw in the towel. despite pretending otherwise, a enjoys the attention, but they’re looking for commitment, and they’re well aware that b is just looking for fun. (romantic (kinda)) aja, arabella or helena as a. rosie, percy or luma as b.

19. ‘ride or dies’ is the term most would use to describe a & b. together, they’ve been through more than most people can imagine. surely, you would think, there has to be a line you’d draw, even when it comes to your best friend. a & b, however, are dangerously committed to each other. it doesn’t matter what one says or does, the other will always have their back without a second thought of the consequences. (another pair of dumbass bffs) angel, zach, paris, gia or luma as either.

20. a & b never really got along, always failing to understand what their friends saw in the other. unlike other people within their group, they were always good at remaining civil for everyone else’s sake, but it’s grown increasingly difficult. following a recent blow up, a & b have realized that what they share may no longer be disinterest, both secretly blaming the argument on sexual tension. (enemies that wanna [ b vc ] smex it) rosie, natalya, ajay or alanis as either.

21. it was just luck that a & b ended up at the same resort on vacation years ago, agreeing to make the most of it. somewhere between sneaking out at night and away from their families during the day, the two fell in love. it seemed perfect and a couldn’t imagine anything better, which is why they were so shocked when they got home and b acted as if nothing happened between them and began dating someone else. while a never cried over b, they had an extremely difficult time getting over b. (exes) mari, bobbie, gia or paris as either tbh. cici as b.

22. just because a & b can’t say exactly when and how they wound up in an exclusive relationship, doesn’t mean it’s not important to them. what was meant to be just another fling escalated into something serious quite naturally, though there are some shared moments where they feel as if they’re back to being nothing more than friends. too distracted by their own outside interests to commit to solving these currently minuscule problems, the two risk destroying their relationship. (ppl who are dating but sometimes it seems like they’re nothin more than friends. could be poly!!) zach, luke, paris or aja as either.

23. a & b are always getting accused of being frenemies by those around them, and they’re unlikely to reject that idea, even when they’re together. for as long as anyone can remember, the two have traded petty insults and pressured one another into terrible ideas. still, no matter how bad things get, they continue to spend every other day attached at the hip, trying to get the other into trouble. (another frenemy plot just w more headassary) gia, percy or luma as either.

24. both strong personalities on their own, a & b together are a force to be reckoned with. the two had a strong friendship, always supporting each other, until they both admitted their deepest secrets. when they sobered up, they decided they’d made a mistake, but weren’t willing to talk about it. now burdened with another secret that could hurt others, as well as knowing the other could ruin their own relationships at any moment, the pair have no idea how to act around each other. (basically friends who arent on the best terms rn after finding out each others deepest n darkest secrets which would have to be worked out obviously) tomas, natalya or mari as either.

25. much to their disgust, people are always asking a & b if they are related due to their constant bickering. after dating for years, the two felt they grew to know each other too well, ending the romantic relationship to just be friends. staying true to their word, they have remained incredibly close. whenever one has an embarrassing question or a disgusting story to share, it’s the other they text. they figure there’s no harm done as they’ve already seen each other at their worst. (romantic turned platonic) gia, bobbie, zach or beck.

26. a year ago, a would have done anything for b, believing they had the perfect, fairy-tale romance going on. truthfully, it was almost perfect, which is exactly why b felt the need to screw it up before they got too deep. in the long run, the carefully considered decision to cheat on a ended up hurting b just as much. now that a has moved on and is comfortable in b’s company again, they’ve begin to regret the loss. despite their previous fears, b has become determined to win a’s affection back. (romantic. angsty . whom knows) arabella, bobbie or luke as a. rosie or tomas as be.

27. a & b are described as being a package deal. you get both or you get none, one rarely being seen without the other. the best friends are known to take spontaneous trips without notifying anyone else, sometimes putting them at odds with the rest of their friends, who the two often accuse of being jealous of their friendship. because of their commitment to one another, a’s social life suffers due to b’s preference for staying in and hanging out one on one. while a tries to be understanding of b’s situation they can’t help the feeling of resentment that grows every time they turn down another invitation to stay at home with b. (best friends who have conflicting ideas of fun) bella, alanis, paris, percy or luma as a. wes, zach, natalya or helena as b.

28. a & b have become known for club hopping all night and drinking too much when together, often forcing them to cancel plans with their other friends the day after. because of this, everyone else has grown to dislike the pair’s friendship, but that only forces them closer together. it’s true that all they really do together is encourage each other’s bad habits, but they’re too busy having fun to notice. (again. pals who need to sort their priorities out but will they ? probably not.) luma, elizabeth, percy, cici or constance as either.

29.  for years, a & b have been confusing others with their constantly changing relationship status. they will spend a few months in an exclusive relationship, a few months in an open relationship, then a few months apart, only to go back and start all over again. currently on their third month of being together, everyone is watching and waiting for the cracks to show before walking away from the relationship yet again. (break up..make up.. total ..waste of.. time) zach, paris, mindy or gia as either.

30. often labeled as high school sweethearts, a & b have been serious for years. for a long time, the two shared an extremely conventional relationship, both very happy with their situation. however, with their lives changing in recent years, changes to the relationship were unavoidable. both feel neglected by the other more often than not, but whenever an issue is brought up, it only leads to an argument. while everyone else expects the two to get engaged any day now, a & b often question if they still really want to be together. (they dont actually have 2 be high school sweethearts just a couple thats been together ... for a long while n things are getting rough.) arabella, ajay, beck, zach or aja as either. alternatively could be an exes plot n a few yrs after the breakup n i can offer rosie, helena, natalya & luke on top of the others.

31. once close friends, a & b drifted apart when other relationships got in the way. even though they saw a lot of each other following, things between the two have been tense for years. after sharing a kiss in a silly game at a recent party, a & b were able to have a laugh together for the first time in forever. since then, their friendship has been on the mend, but this may not be a good thing. with both noticing some romantic feelings growing them, they suspect that their relationship may come to an uglier end this time. (ex pals turned crushes who truly are not compatible) bobbie, beck, zach or rosie as either.

32. a & b’s relationship is only a few months old, and the two are still very much in the honeymoon phase of things. flashing their pet names and exciting dates on instagram, they’ve convinced themselves that things are perfect. however, a appears to have taken the agreement that things between them should remain as relaxed as possible a little more seriously than b would have liked. a often fails to invite b to certain events and outings, assuming they would prefer not to go anyway. this grates on b’s nerves, who is beginning to feel that a doesn’t spend enough time with them. (a new relationship struggling between being casual n legit) paris, aja, ajay or gia as a. arabella, zach or beck as b.

33. despite already knowing each other, a & b weren’t all that close before hooking up. their friends with benefits arrangement lasted for months before they began seeing other people more seriously. since calling it off, the two have remained incredibly close, leading others to believe that their relationship is more than platonic. (fwb turned just friends but like ... there is potential) wes, angel, bobbie, ajay, zach or rosie as either.

[punkscowardschampions]

Drew & Carly

Drew: doing my head in Carly: record time Carly: wanna swap seats Drew: funny Drew: sitting next to ro, remember, not ali Carly: shes alright Drew: don't think she's down Drew: soz babe Carly: ha Carly: k but shes not dtf you either Carly: poor baby Drew: fuck off Drew: how would you know Carly: your mood is a giveaway Carly: i kno when youre frustrated boy Drew: bet I won't be by the time this trip is over Carly: idc Carly: make that bet w your gf Drew: lies Drew: poor baby Drew: don't reckon she'd appreciate that Carly: ha Carly: why would i lie Drew: 'cos even if you do care, can't have what you want Carly: i can fuck you whenever i want Carly: rn if i wanted to Drew: weren't talking 'bout me Drew: but nah Carly: k Carly: now youre lying Drew: nope Carly: you didnt come into my inbox to cry about your gf Carly: or did you & your that lad now Carly: embarrassing Drew: don't be a bitch Drew: looking for some peace and quiet is that so much to ask Carly: from me yea Carly: you kno i dont do quiet Carly: not w you Drew: ha Drew: cute Carly: & true Carly: arent you bored Carly: dont you wanna have some fun this trip Drew: i told you i'm going to Drew: w ro Carly: yea Carly: get out my inbox then i gotta make my own Carly: plenty of lads on this coach Drew: and girls Carly: nah Carly: back to boys you kno Drew: shame Drew: good times Carly: yea but youre boring now Drew: fuck off Drew: nah i ain't Drew: ali is Carly: tell your missus Carly: ali can still party Drew: not with us Carly: yea Carly: if she wanted Carly: youre the one on a chain Drew: i do what i want Drew: whenever i want Carly: do something then Carly: be fun Drew: whaddya want me to do on this packed coach Carly: the bathroom is free Carly: but k youre too scared to start the party Drew: not scared Drew: just not a moron Carly: k Carly: ill ask someone else Drew: u do that Drew: know it won't be as good as me Carly: ha Carly: maybe used to be Carly: reckon youve lost your touch Carly: married life will do that like Drew: you reckon? Drew: you wish Carly: i kno Carly: its written on you Carly: bored & boring Carly: you couldnt turn me on now Drew: yea yea yea Drew: otherwise written all over your face, babe Carly: ha no Carly: check me out as much as you want you wont see that Drew: so up yourself Carly: cuz im not gonna waste my time w you k Carly: my das more fun than you rn Drew: know you're a traveller like Drew: but that's sick Carly: you cant even slag me off proper these days Carly: who are you Carly: sad Drew: 'cos I don't need another bird doing my head in Drew: all chat but you're the same as her, like Carly: fuck off Carly: nothing ive said i wouldnt follow through on Carly: youre the one thats being a pussy Drew: yeah? well you're a nag Drew: I don't wanna fuck you, get off my dick Carly: get out my inbox Carly: you came pouting to me Drew: 'scuse me for thinking you were different Carly: what do you want boy? Drew: forget it Carly: nah Carly: ask for it Drew: Already did Drew: just be a laugh, yeah, don't get on at me Carly: k Carly: whats in it for me tho? Carly: genuinely asking Drew: idk Drew: didn't promise there was Carly: least youve finally stopped lying Drew: ugh Drew: thought we were getting somewhere girl Carly: im only saying Carly: dont get in a mood Drew: i ain't Drew: who are u sharing a room with Carly: nobody Carly: the numbers are off Drew: lucky Carly: you should be more like me & people wouldnt wanna share w you Drew: always have caleb Drew: banging on and on about his girl Carly: no thanks Drew: didn't think so Drew: nightmare Carly: welcome to the other bed Carly: unless your gonna call me a nympho over it Drew: teachers won't be down but might take you up on that Carly: idc Carly: dont think they were down for me being on this trip Carly: but i paid my money Drew: yeah, that's all they care about Drew: though they were all out there with the behave or you'll get kicked threats Drew: standard Carly: yea Carly: try & send me back home my ma & da arent there Carly: be very irresponsible like Drew: they never are Drew: but they don't need to know that Carly: news to them i had a passport Drew: yeah, only last 5 years don't they? Drew: guess when you was 10 they couldn't always piss off without ya Carly: ha Carly: youre funny when youre not sulking Drew: shut up Drew: 'cos you're alright when you're not being a bitch Carly: ive not been a bitch to you since i was making you work for your 3way Drew: well that was hot so acceptable Carly: k so i can be a bitch if im hot yea Carly: ill remember that Drew: goes without saying Drew: fit girls can get away with anything Carly: so you do think im fit Drew: you know you are Carly: yea but idk what you think Drew: gotta keep you guessing, babe Carly: please Drew: please what? Carly: please do Carly: im bored Drew: same Carly: i can pass you my water bottle if you want Carly: all i could smuggle tho Drew: realtalk Drew: no one's smuggling over borders Drew: not worth the aggro Drew: you'll get stuff here no doubt, i'm losing a week's wages 😒 Carly: its a holiday Carly: itll be worth it Carly: especially if you arent all talk Carly: your gf be losing her v like Drew: i ain't but she is Drew: gonna be hard to get her to 🤐 but if anyone can Carly: in it for the challenge Carly: i get it now Drew: what's to get Drew: she's hot Carly: k Carly: but uptight Drew: better than loose Carly: nah Carly: dont tell me you dont want a girl whod let you do anything Drew: not if she's let every cunt do the same, nah Drew: besides, can train a girl like Ro Carly: she isnt stupid enough to blindly follow commands Carly: or you around Drew: 🤔 we'll see Drew: not that its stupid Drew: i'm not fun to be around? Carly: you were Carly: before you got a wife Drew: not asking for ya Drew: but see, you know what you're missing Carly: youre a good fuck ive never denied it Carly: fun when you want Drew: exactly Drew: its Ro's turn to find out Carly: so go chat her up Carly: you love foreplay Drew: don't reckon she wants her first time to be in the coach toilets Carly: ha Carly: didnt mean you had to do it now boy Drew: you know Drew: work fast Carly: yea Carly: thats romance Carly: dont keep a girl waiting Drew: I am capable Drew: if the situation calls Carly: dont waste that info on me Drew: never Carly: seat swap w me tho Carly: up the front is not a party Carly: you throw up once cuz your hanging & get stuck there for life Drew: 😂 Drew: diddums Drew: alright Drew: can chat up woodfield Drew: caleb will be buzzin' Carly: shes got a body under those new jeans Carly: a goer i reckon Drew: you would Drew: only boys my arse 😏 Carly: gotta do something Carly: bored enough to break a few rules Drew: i see u Drew: MY girlfriend, remember? Carly: what do you think you see Drew: just sayin', asking to move, then saying you're gonna lez off Drew: not that thick 😂 Carly: but obvious Carly: as fantasies go you could do better Drew: been there Drew: done that Carly: not w her Carly: shes no ali but thats mean Drew: again, doubt she'll want you there to help with the devirginizing Drew: try not to take it person Carly: i dont wanna be there Carly: the first time is always shit Drew: nah Drew: not with me Carly: ha Carly: youre not that good Drew: pshhh Drew: don't be bitter Carly: im not Carly: its facts Carly: shell be so nervous youll be lucky if you get more than the tip in Carly: probs shes a crier too Drew: shut up Carly: its not your bad Carly: just how it is Carly: itll get better Carly: maybe good Drew: well it's off-putting Drew: men don't need to know about that stuff Drew: keep it to yourselves Carly: k Carly: just trying to help you be more than all chat Drew: yeah right Drew: like you wanna help her Carly: why wouldnt i Carly: i said shes alright Drew: still, no need to be that charitable Drew: why d'you care? Carly: not offering to warm her up for you babe Carly: ive probs hung out w her more than you have Carly: why shouldnt i care Drew: 'cos she ain't your girlfriend Drew: between me and her, not the fucking committee Carly: unlike you i can care about people im not fucking Drew: 🙄 Drew: whatevs Carly: why do you care if i talk about her or not Carly: that i kno her Drew: 'cos i know what girls are like Drew: always talking Carly: me and her arent bffs Carly: i wouldnt be talking to you if we were Drew: i'd hope not Carly: so dont cry Carly: im not telling her anything Drew: stop acting like you give a shit then Carly: im not acting anything Carly: thats all you babe Drew: fuck off Carly: nowhere to go Carly: busy coach remember Carly: what do you get out of being w her? Carly: she doesnt put out & she does your head in Carly: why bother Carly: there are other virgins in town, i think Drew: idk Drew: she's nice Carly: that it Drew: nah Drew: she's good girlfriend material Drew: you can see, idk why you want me to sing her praises to you Drew: masochist, like 😂 Carly: im only asking Carly: why dont you wanna sing her praises to everyone Drew: i'm not that sorta bloke Drew: cringe Carly: yea Carly: its sweet tho Drew: if you say so Drew: just makes me feel 🤢 Carly: ha Carly: better get up the front boy Drew: deffo Drew: any escape from the caleb and ali show Carly: true Carly: ms woodfield will distract you Carly: shes looking thirsty might offer her a drink Drew: queue for that toilet getting longer by the minute Carly: yea Carly: as if caleb & ali arent in there Carly: slacking Carly: like i taught her nothing Drew: probs just jerk him off in the seats like Drew: not backrow coolkids but still pretty standard Carly: aw Carly: cute Drew: how is that cute Carly: theyre in love Carly: dont be jealous Carly: youd like it if your girl offered to do you Drew: no they ain't Drew: she was with you not that long ago Drew: be on to the next soon Carly: nah Carly: she loves him & its mutual Drew: things change Drew: we don't need to make a song and dance every time someone gets with someone else like Carly: who is Carly: its no big Carly: but its still happening Drew: i'd rather just ignore it 'til it goes away Drew: not like you up in my business 😜 Carly: im not up in any part of you Carly: relax Drew: mhmm Drew: lie harder Carly: nah Carly: i wanna be but im not Carly: facts Carly: id be lying if i said i didnt want you Drew: i know Drew: prove it though Carly: how Carly: what do you want me to do Drew: brave the queue 🤳 Carly: k Carly: [Sends pics and video also because she knows he can't watch it in front of the squad] Drew: tease Drew: swap seats with me so ms woodfield can watch too Carly: prick Carly: youre a bigger tease than me tho Drew: no way Drew: i got the evidence to prove it now Carly: if i was a tease id have given you nothing Carly: let you sweat it Carly: like you are to me Drew: you ain't asked for anything Carly: but you kno what i want Carly: give me something Drew: [Sends ab pic that was just his last Insta] Carly: come on Carly: dont be like that Drew: what? Carly: such an arsehole Carly: im not begging Drew: 😂✌

[a-true-deviant-explored]

Texas two step or the making of true sex goddess

She was my younger cousins best friend, to young to be looking at when I first met her. Nine out of ten men would have notice her boobs first. They were big round soft and really didnt fit her frame yet. I noticed her eyes, and the different things they emoted. She was 16 and loved being the center of attention,her and my cousin both. The diva twins I called them. My cousin would only grow out of that slightly, Katie on the other hand would cling for positive attention while mostly generating negative.

My time is texas was difficult. After a long battle with my family and me withdrawing as to lessen the drama, an opportunity presented itself I couldn't resist and let me reconnect with both sides of my family, the ones who questioned how I went from the golden child to citizen zero. As I reconnected with them and the adults my age and older got to hear my side of what happened,I was accepted again, granted the were Leary but gave me a wide berth.

Until my cousin Fred's wedding. It was held out of the area and for much of the time, to keep appearances I lived well below what I could in a self punishment guilt. But when I heard of the full family reunion I tried unsuccessfully to bow out. My aunt, my secret keeper who knew more then even me about what happened warned me. For once let them see that they couldn't hold you down. So I went big. Even though I rode with my aunt and two family members I hadn't seen in almost a decade I knew it would be a hard weekend,lucky for me I got a distraction that allowed me to later on help someone who was mirroring in her own way.

I was the youngest of my generation of cousins and quietly asked to make sure the young ones didnt cause drama. Which being teens they did. My female cousin not only demanded her best friend Katie be invited but her boyfriend as well. It was suggested to me I let the boy stay with me. I quickly shot that down for one reason, I didnt want to know shit, already stressed not really taking time off from my job and working remotely as best as I could I didnt need the headache.

That lasted 39 minutes after I got their. My fav cousin in the world kristen was at my door warning me, the diva is pissed they wont let her and her bf be in a hotel room by themselves. I straight looked at her, btw she lived in New York and said does any think that bitch is still a virgin? Dam she has them all fooled. Kris came in as did her brother, and an easy atmosphere developed. Kris goes she is going to take it out on Katie, who is great but I think is off her meds. If anyone would know it would be her. But it was the first I heard about it. I thought she had a decent life but I was wrong. Mental abuse physical abuse. Shit parents who barely let her eat. Keep an eye and let me know

The first night we all went out for dinner and it was nice. Except for the children being children. And Katie's dress really not fitting, like way short,she is tall, and not form fitting. It was a long affair and people would drift from tables to the patio vice versa. Katie had been upset the whole time but the lighting concealed it. But I hadn't seen her in a bit and when I went looking for her found her and one of the groomsmen by the bar. I quickly walked over looked at the groomsmen and said you dont know me, but go ask my cousin what an absolute motherfucking nightmare I will make your life if you do not go back to the hotel and only come out of your room for events . He squared up and was about to say something when my father, who I was seeing for the first time in forever and realized his shit was flowing with what happened, told the douche bag let me save you the trip. People say they know where the bodies are buried, he buried them. The boy took off, a simple you got this and a nod and he walked away.

Katie. She was pissed, and drunk and stoned and couldn't walk straight and a mess. I guided her outside and she was like I just didnt want to be made to feel unwanted. I whispered look Rachel is a bitch. Hang out with us tonight and tomorrow and it will be ok. And what the fuck were u doing with that ass fuck he is like my age. Not really but closer to mine. He said he would make me have an orgasm.

I stared at her in disbelief, umm one dont rush it, trust me you will have plenty and some better then others, and not my business but really him? All these boys your age her and you pick him. On the verge of passing out she mumbled well you didnt show any interest. The New York cousins raced her back to the hotel, a good hour away. And I went to talk to my aunt. Look u need to tell Rachel her shit almost led her bff to a bad mistake. I'm going back to catch up with the kids. Bring me her pajamas she can sleep in my spare room but I have work in the morning so come collect her

Taking a cab,no uber's yet lol, I got back and the kids were at the bar. Shes ok up in your suite. Embarrassed pretty sober. Might be in the tub. I gave them a hug and told kris text me when everyone gets here and distract the young ones. Tell romeo and slut to go make out

I opened my door and called out. Katie. U ok. The bathroom door opened and she meant to stick her head out to say hi but tripped , 10 yrs later she still trips on air daily, and her towel fell below her tits. I'm not usually a fan of big tits, the areolas and nipples get distorted. But hers were perfect and rising as we stared at each other. Damn girl your built for speed, one day someone is going to be lucky. I pulled her towel up looking her in the eyes.. she babble I swear I didnt mean to flash u. I laughed well next time let me see everything and we will call it a draw. Silly me thought she would understand a joke, but her towel hit the floor, katie I'm not a moral person, reaching down tracing her hips, I dont give a rat's ass about your age, but time and place, and this isn't it, tears forming but I'll give you a tease and slide a finger in her. Eyes fluttering and slightly surprised her response was a simple oh my. My lips found hers and mouths open and I picked her leg and wrapped it around my hip. She was grinding and grasping and apologizing. I asked why she goes I cant keep my hips still so u can well. I whispered baby your supposed to move. Makes it funnier. She came pretty fast and I told to get dressed and if this is something she wanted to come see me on her 17th. She giggled u know that's like a week from now, I do but be ready I don't advertise who I'm with and and I'm very different from anyone else you will ever have

Her 17th birthday fell on a sat. She asked if I was free. I will be about eleven. Dont u have plans with family? Nope mom left money and is headed to Houston for the weekend.

Ok, listen carefully trim dont shave. There will be a present for you in my foyer. Put it on. I'll be outside. Three hours later I hear her arrive. Fuck I thought something slinky but she walked outside, really. Jewelry? Are these real. I nodded, she climbed into the jacuzzi fully clothed, for the next four months that would be the most clothing she wore in my house. She found a teacher and mentor. I found a lifelong friend. Today she called me out of the blue, bad yr keeps getting worse, hello my friend. I didnt say anything till today. I'm six months along and it's going to be a boy. And I'm naming him after you. Thank you for everything my life, my schooling and degree and a wonderful career.

[viewofsal]

Goodbye 2017. I’m ready for 2018 adventures.

2017 has been a year filled with laughter, smiles, tears, anger, anxiety, lessons, blessings, experiences and fun adventures. It was a year to let go of people, to let new people in, to be strong when I felt weak, to fight for myself against life and most importantly to find myself in all of this craziness.

I fell in love, I got my heart broken. I trusted someone with my eyes closed, which is rare because I dont trust a lot of people. I wanted to marry this guy, he was the dream guy I wanted. I did everything I can to save a relationship from falling, but it was never suppose to be this hard. We fought, we argued. we loved each other at times, we didnt talk for days… and then it finally ended. (71517)

I fought against my health, I went to therapy. It was probably one of the most scariest thing I have ever been through… I never felt so lonely even though I was surrounded by so many people that loved me and cared for me,  yet I still felt alone. I dont know why… But it all went well and I am much better.

I had trusted a few good friends who at the end fucked me over big time. Shabina was like my best friend and the little sister I never had. And looking back at it… I realized how can she be that, as in my bff and little sister when she was actually never there for me through anything. I will never forget the day that I was telling her about my break up the of day it was happening and she rolled her eyes. After that day I didnt talk to her and I wanted to be left alone. But she texted me before my trip to Atlanta- she literally said forgive and forget and move on. So I did. Because thats what the nice Salia does…. But then after the whole Haroon + Salia thing happened she became bitter- and she asked me if I was just “having fun with him?” Like yeah hell ya I was… but shit on the first meet you dont tell someone “hey so when are we getting married…?” NO. This is why you and that lawyer guy never made it. But anyways….. Telling her was the biggest mistake ever, because she put nazaar on me and potentially having something. It is what is. And yes I am a horrible person for calling her a bitch while arguing- but she was being one. I had to tell her to stop. I remember I had a stop at San Fran on the way back from Arizona and she just accused me of being a hoe. And I had it… like yo at least I dont meet guys off of minder and on the first hour hook up. BUT TO EACH TO THEIR FUCKING OWN, right? If we want to call people hoes. *eye roll* Anyways that was me ranting but I learned that not every “friend” is your friend. And keep your moves, your business and your love life on the low. Period. Because at the end of the day you really have your own back, no one else really does. And no one wants to see you succeed in life.

I got close to my family once again and spent the whole summer with all of my aunts, uncles, brother/sister in laws and cousins, and of course my little cutie pies. I attended over 9 weddings in the summer, including both of my cousins. All of my cousins live in the East Coast and whenever we are all together it is so fun! I miss them so much!

My skin cleared soooooo much MASHALLAH! That it literally shocks me every time I look into the mirror. I had to cut off coke out of my life, I was so addicted to it and I just had to drink it with every meal. But Im glad I get to still drink coffee. :D I broke out so much back in 2015-2016 and it had to do with my stalker and a lot of stress on my mind and hormones jumping around lol. But you always have to take care of yourself and make sure youre always healthy. You should be your number one priority, ALWAYS.

I met a guy named Haroon. He came to see me all the way from Virginia. No, I didn’t fall in love- and I didnt think about marriage while being with this guy. I wasn’t messing around. But life threw something tough at me which made me come back to reality… So I lowered my expectations but not my standards with Haroon. We were I guess “perfect”. Our humor, our mentality, he was accepting and so was I. He was down to come see me every month and he opened up to me and made me trust him back with my life. He went back, and feelings changed. Even if it was temporary it felt good be treated like how I should be treated. I guess it was God’s way of making me realize that just because I’m sad right now doesnt mean I always will be. It was a trial and error, and it failed. But there is someone meant for everyone and you will too one day find someone.

My sister graduated from law school and found her boo thang. I am so happy for my sister, she is so hard working, ambitious, dedicated, intelligent, witty, sarcastic and a hot ass lawyer. Lol. Im being bias, but if she wasnt my sister I would still say that. She went through hell and back with law school, family drama and idiotic boys that cant fight for someone. But she never gave up her dream- which was to finish law school and become a lawyer. Along with her life being so hectic and all she found someone that matches her perfectly, alhumdulillah. I am so happy for her and Beez (thats not his name… Thats my nick name for him). He is so like… words cant describe. He came to pick my family and I up, he hugged my parents, he calls my mom “mama”, he gets along with my brother, he makes fun of me for being a yelp nerd. He just respects us so much. I am so proud of you too Badr bhai, for graduating and inshallah being part of our crazy ass family. But…. I have to say they are like power couple goals, mA! He spoils her like crazy and its cute. I wish one day we all find “the one” and spoil them with our love. *Did I mention hes half Spanish + Pakistani…. HOLY HELL. His sisters are hot. Lol*

And to end it… I got the closure that I was wanting to get. Thank you Farhan for giving me closure over and over again. Im sorry you had to hear me cry, because I think Ill probably cry for a while but its going to be okay. I wish and pray that you have an amazing new year and whatever you pray for you get. Because you deserve the best and you deserve to smile, laugh and be treated like a king.

But does that mean Im ok? No. But will it take time? Yes. I pray that I heal so quick that I can feel again, I wont be bitter, I wont be afraid to let someone in. I just want to be Salia again. Thats all.

2018-

Im ready for a new year, new hellos, new smiles, new laugher, new people, new adventures, new beginnings, new everything. I am ready. I definitely want to work on a few things on myself. I am not a perfect soul in this world. I hate that I have such horrible anger issues, I get mad easily to the point where I want to cry. I want to be my number one fan always. I want to love myself like no one else is going too because no one is going too… jk! And to heal. All I really want is to heal and be the old me. I want to stop crying al the time.To love again, to feel again, I dont want to be numb anymore, or bitter when a guy talks to me… I just want to be soft and gentle. But It will take time.

I hope this year not only brings me happiness and joy but to all of my followers. The more I write and have people follow me I see that everyone is struggling, heart broken, happy yet sad. I see it all. I am healing too but I am always here to listen to anyone. Ive been blogging since I was 18 and Im so glad I became a tumblr nerd because I met a few people from here, ive had a few conversations and I learn about my followers all the time. You guys deserve all the happiness, all the smiles and success in the world. Thanks for always listening to my rants and posts. Love you all! I hope you guys have an amazing New Year!

XOXO,

SALIA SHEIKH.