#they are imperfect and flawed but i envy all the kids of the family

[katierosefun]

you know when you watch a show or read a book or whatever and you envy the characters so much so much because you wish you had that family or that group of friends because there really isn’t a lonelier feeling than seeing that, huh

[thyandrawrites]

so do u think dabi sees shouto now as something like endeavor 2.0 or do u think he feels sympathy for the kid?

mmh, neither, actually. I think that what he feels towards Shouto has always been more complex than either of those options, and it only got worse with time.

There is obviously a strong resentment tainting any brotherly love he might've felt if given the chance to. But I don't think it's resentment towards Shouto, per se, and rather resentment towards what Shouto represents.

[I'm putting this under a cut for length and manga spoilers]

I have lowkey overused this panel in my meta but I think it's a crucial scene to understand Touya/Dabi. Here it's clear that what Touya was lashing out at wasn't his brother specifically, but the unfair treatment Touya received from Enji as an "imperfect" heir. What was going through his head when he attacked his baby brother was probably something along the lines of "dad doesn't look at us failures anymore cause he only has eyes for Shouto. If Shouto got out of the picture, then dad would consider us again." Which obviously wasn't a lucid thought. In fact, once he calms down some, Touya himself admits that it was wrong of him to be violent like that, cause Shouto had done nothing wrong, his "flaw" was simply existing. Just like them. The only person to blame is their father, Touya realizes, cause Enji is the one who brought all of them to life and then stripped their existence of meaning by casting them away as failed creations he didn't "need" anymore.

So the above panel makes me think that the resentment Dabi holds for Shouto isn't because Shouto was born with the perfect power his father desired. It's not even anger at being replaced imho, because we have this other line:

He's not saying that he can be more awesome than Shouto, or that Shouto shouldn't be in the running for hero training at some point. He's not trying to take back his role as the apple of his father's eyes because he's jealous or something. He's just begging for his father to resume his own training, because he can't make sense of his existence if he cannot fulfil the purpose behind his birth, besting All Might.

So what Touya felt towards his brother at the time wasn't something simple or clear-cut like hatred or envy. I'd even go as far as saying that he's very much indifferent towards Shouto as a person. He's never shown having any strong feelings towards the last addition to the family. Whenever he brings Shouto up, it's always tangential to the topic of his father's neglect and abandonment. It's clear to me that his real grievance is his father's lack of care for the other children's fates (and his in particular) once he finally got the perfect masterpiece. Even as he attacks Shouto, his words aren't about the kid or his "perfect" genetics at all. Instead, Touya yells "look at me" at their dad in an obvious plea to just be perceived again.

Now, you'll notice that till now I just talked about them as kids. Some ten years later, with Touya now as Dabi, things get a bit more complex and layered, but not by much once you care to analyze it.

It's more complex because Touya has now stepped into outright villainy in order to get his father's acknowledgement. And while as a kid he still had a modicum of lucidity, like recognizing that Shouto shouldn't have been collateral because Touya's real grudge was with their father, Dabi now openly makes Shouto the means to get his revenge.

And at the same time it's not that complex or all that different because of this:

The second Endvr passes out, and thus can't acknowledge Dabi anymore, Dabi abruptly stops harming Shouto and leaves. Once again, like that time as kids, it wasn't at all about Shouto, but just about getting Endvr to treat him seriously. Both times, Touya/Dabi's actions weren't motivated by hatred, but just by that burning need to prove something to his dad.

What I think actually changed in these ten years is the degree of Touya's desperation.

I wouldn't say that his feelings towards Shouto shifted into hatred or more animosity than their past. Sure, as I just went over, he now attacked Shouto with the intent to kill. How can there be a counterpoint to that? If the above point wasn't enough to convince you, then there's also this:

Horikoshi is always very deliberate in his paneling choices. Notice how he zooms in on Dabi's vacant eyes, on that absent, entirely manic expression that doesn't even shift once as Shouto keeps grilling him with question after question. Attacking Shouto with killing intent isn't at all different from sending Ending after Natsuo. The hint that trying to burn Shouto alive isn't indicative of his feelings for his little brother is in the fact that he showed the same exact regard (or lack thereof) towards his favourite brother, Natsu, whom he JUST cited as being his only confidante and support through the abuse.

Better yet, and I know I stated this elsewhere already but it needs reiterating, Shouto is fire resistant while Dabi isn't. So burning Shouto to the point of actually doing any lasting damage would require way more heat than Dabi himself can handle. So in reality, that murder attempt was more of a failed suicide attempt.

All of this to say, none of Dabi's actions here can be taken as a statement of his actual feelings, because he's not acting lucidly enough to be considered fully responsible for them. To be more precise, he's aware that his actions are bad, that they make him a horrible person, but the euphoria at finally facing his father like an equal, the elation of finally succeeding at being seen by his abuser, numb everything else. This is what he means when he says he can't feel anything anymore. It's not a statement of fact to be taken literally. We know, we have SEEN him be the second most emotion-driven character on screen (after Shigaraki). His "I don't feel anything anymore" means "I am numb to things that SHOULD make me feel something, that once did make me feel some regret, but that now are acceptable obstacles to overcome to achieve my revenge."

That's desperation taken to its extreme.

While kid!Touya still had a faint lick of hope that his father would come around, and thus kept begging him to come to Sekoto Peak even when he kept being stood up... adult!Touya knows that his father will never look at him, knows he'll never amount to anything in his father's eyes, and thus set out to get his attention in an even more self destructive way. He's no longer just damaging his body, but now also his mind.

To an extent, unlike before, he's accepted his status as a "failed creation". On the surface, he's embraced it fully so that he could weaponize it against his father's heroic reputation. It's not a secret that Endvr got heaps of praise for not only being a top hero, but also for "raising" a prime example of a brilliant new generation of heroes:

So Touya created "Dabi", the other side of the coin, the darkness birthed from a shining light:

I too used to think that Dabi hated Shouto for being "born with everything". And his scathing nickname "masterpiece" seems to hint at some envy, or at the very least at some bitterness towards their different genetic make ups. But now I think it's more layered than that. Shouto is indeed the "masterpiece" to Dabi's "murderous flames", or the successful, flashy hero-in-training to Dabi's scary, subversive villain. But I don't think anymore that Touya/Dabi ever actually saw Shouto as a mini Endvr 2.0. It just doesn't add up.

When you compare his reactions to facing Shouto vs facing Endvr, Dabi's expressions are completely different. With Shouto, it's apathetic mockery. With Enji, it's clearly more intense and personal. His beef is not with the kid.

Plus, Dabi had plenty of occasions to hurt Shouto by now. During the reveal, he even admitted to having considered it. And yet, he never did. He could've done it at training camp. He had a whole noumu to do the job for him if he didn't want to overexert his quirk himself. But again, his vendetta, his hatred, were never directed at Shouto, only at their father. Even killing Shouto was only secondary, a way to break Endvr, not a fully thought-out resolution to give Shouto what he supposedly deserved for winning the genetic lottery. Cause he's never been angry at Shouto in the first place, but only ever at what Shouto represented.

As for whether or not he feels sympathy for the kid... I'd say it's a solid "not quite, but maybe in the future?"

I'm not sure yet if I'd go as far as singling out Shouto specifically, but Dabi did show some sympathy to the hero kids for being entangled into something that the adults should've sorted out on their own:

and this^ remark is definitely meant to be read through the lenses of his self-awareness of how he was brought into the world (=dragged into this mess) to help out some hero's agenda. Even as a small child, Touya was entirely too self aware of his role in the family, of the reason why he was conceived and then discarded. It shaped his entire existence. It's hard to imagine him not realizing how the same is true of Shouto, who replaced him as the heir to Enji's ambitions but still carries that weight all the same.

I'd say that it will take their heart-to-heart for Dabi to accept it though. Right now, he's too deep into that rage-fueled desperation to even consider someone else's feelings, let alone know how to make note of them

[achillesmonochrome]

“In which I know you are my future, I just don’t know how we get there”

Picture this: Jason before he got kidnapped by Hera, around the time he was praetor, being aware of Nico Di Angelo, and being envious of him.

(This goes into an hc of Nico and Jason envied each other for totally different reasons and assumptions that aren’t true, I think I did a post about it but I don’t remember at this moment)

For one reason, or another (don't expect this to make sense I am way past that with what I drank); sees a glimpse of his future.

He sees it in messy pieces, he sees the kids he is going to have (all with wacky powers- they are all adopted, why that's the case?), how he is a househusband without a job (that surprises him, he always imagined he would be pushed to be part of the Senate), and then to Nico- discovering he is his future husband

That shocks him of course, because he doesn't even like the guy, and then it somehow jumps to his wedding day; where Nico says that he loves Jason, but he loves the Jason for who he is, flaws and ugly sides, and would prefer him any day over the golden persona.

That- well, that would break 15 yo Jason.

He is at peak loneliness at this moment; almost everyone regards him for his position of power (more than ever), feeling more trapped by the neck in the legion, playing into the position they always wanted him to, and of course, he isn't comfortable sharing this with anyone so he is suffering in silence.

Because for me, the trauma of Beryl leaving lead him to be afraid of get close to other people, and the fact that everyone only cared about being the son of Jupiter played into that. He convinced himself no one would love him for who he is, so despite how much he wants to be loved, never lets anyone close; which end in the cycle of no one actually liking him for who he is. 

At this moment, he thinks the only way people would like him at least, is by playing the role they put him in, the golden prince he never wanted to be but now doesn’t have a choice. 

Yet this vision goes against that; not only it tells him someone would love him, it tells him that those flaws and cracks he was so afraid to show, were part of the reason someone loved him truly. 

After the trauma his mother left, he never thought that was possible.

And then the future makes more sense; having kids that would not need to go to the legion because there wasn’t anywhere else to go. A big family, who he focuses his attention on since he never had one; his kids not caring about him being a praetor or son of Jupiter, but who he is as a person. A partner, who lets him rant and crack and be imperfect, and don’t needed to be afraid of losing that person for showing these things. Finally having a home.

That’s all he could ever want. 

. . .

Initially, I was going to say "Jason wakes up the next morning and forgets everything, but he feels warm and happier when he wakes up for some reason" but hey what if he remembers?

Like, tell me, how would you react knowing the person who will be your soulmate is someone you already know, yet you kind of hate their present self?

Honestly imagine Jason trying to connect with Nico now that he has this information, but Nico doesn't trust him and is wary, which just annoys him, wondering how exactly this is going to work, if it can even happen to begin with.

Then Jason sees the Cupid situation, and starts thinking less about his possible happy ending, and more about helping Nico.

At some point later, maybe during the celebration of the war against Gaia, when Nico smiles hopefully at Jason, him thinking that now things would work out in CHB; Jason sees a glimpse of the guy he is going to marry.

And his heart skips a beat.

[constitutionalweasleymonarchy]

hi!! so glad i found your tumblr, i read your fics and loved them! especially "one of arthurs boys' im obsessed :) For some reason I really loved the scene with charlie and the girl!! just a question: do you know any writers like you? Im basically searching for more weasley family and especially percy stuff haha

Hi! I’m sorry it took me a while to reply -- it’s been a busy week. Thank you so much for your comments. I’m really happy to know you’ve been enjoying Must Be One of Arthur’s Boys -- it’s become very dear to me.

So, Weasley fic recs! Here are several, and if I know myself I know I’m inadvertently leaving out a lot of wonderful writers and fics, but I’ll do my best to recollect my favorites. (Percy recs at the end because I have a few specific ones.)

MOLLY/ARTHUR and NEXT GEN:

First of all, one of my OG inspirations and fave writers is the author startwearingpurple+ on AO3 (but she went by momotwins and WeasleyTwinMom on the old HPFF site). Many years ago she wrote a novel called The Unsinkable Molly Prewett+, which blossomed into a whole Molly/Arthur series+ that includes not only Molly/Arthur fics but also some wonderful stories fleshing out her OC’s from Unsinkable. Molly/Arthur is a woefully underdone ship, but to be honest it’s hard to compete with hers! I have basically accepted her Molly and Arthur as canon, and it made my own Arthur-centric fic that much more challenging because I had to make sure I wasn’t just co-opting her headcanons. Unsinkable is fabulously fluffy, and its sequel and other associated works are a bit more mature but also delightfully romantic. I swoon so hard for her Arthur, I love the depiction of 1960′s Hogwarts and magical Britain, and her OC’s are beautifully characterized as well.

Startwearingpurple also writes a bunch of next gen Weasleys as part of her Rose Weasley: Bounty Hunter series+, and I recommend those, as well! (Dad!Percy makes a few appearances in her Molly- and Lucy-centric fics.)

AND, bonus, since you like Arthur’s Boys, she has written a missing moment/ companion one-shot to my Ginny-centric chapter in that fic -- her one-shot is titled Permission+ and it’s lovely!

ALL WEASLEYS, including PERCY and RON:

I would be remiss if this list didn’t include FloreatCastellum @floreatcastellumposts, who has authored an impressive number of canon-compliant fics, many of which are Weasley-centric -- especially their Slice of Life One-Shots+, which concern the lives of canon characters, post-canon and into the next generation. But they also have a Missing Moments series+ set during canon events, and they really nail the characterization of (as far as I can tell) everybody. I haven’t read all of them, but I particularly enjoyed a couple of Ron-centric one-shots, Envy and I Have Seen Your Heart. They’ve got a couple of Percy-centric fics, as well. Their writing retains the style and charm of the source texts.

MOAR RONNIEKINS!

Cambangst+ is an exceptional writer, and his stuff isn’t necessarily Weasley-centric, but what I do want to comment on is his fantastic treatment of Ron. Specifically, I have been following his most recent novel After Destiny+, which is only published at HPFanficTalk. It’s about all the main characters -- most specifically the trio + Ginny -- moving forward in the immediate aftermath of Deathly Hallows. Let’s be real, canon Ron can be difficult to write, and so many people make him into a caricature of himself (even if they mean to portray him positively), but cambangst is not only fair to Ron by respecting his character and acknowledging his strengths -- he also recognizes and depicts Ron’s flaws and weaknesses, but not in an overblown way. He retains that sympathetic and relatable quality that always endeared Ron to me. Cambangst also writes a fantastic Bill.

WEASLEY TWINS:

1917farmgirl+ is a lover of the Weasley twins, and I’d recommend taking a look at any of her stuff, but especially The Ungrateful Dead+ and Passports Required+, which are wonderfully clever and original and will leave you with the best kind of Fred-related heartache.

PERCY (my love, my life, perfectly imperfect in every way):

As for Percy, I’ve come across a few specific works that I really love. Right now off the top of my head I can’t think of many other writers who have a large body of Percy-centric work, but I can definitely get you started with a few specific fic recs (I also must admit to you that I don’t read nearly as much fic as I would like, especially when I’m on a roll with writing, so I myself am always down to receive Percy fic recs!):

Percy Take the Wheel+ by KittySmith @corwynnasmith -- I hate to say that I am not nearly as far into reading this as I would like to be, but the chapters I have read, I’ve loved. It’s a sad premise, but a wonderful portrait of the Weasley kids and their dynamics, featuring a three-dimensional Percy solidly based in his canon characterization. The love and respect the author has for Percy really come through in this.

Scorose+ has written a few Percy/Audrey fics, and I especially adored An Old English Tradition+, which features a lovably dorky Percy stuck under some mistletoe.

Reflector+ by Calebski -- Okay, I’m a Ron/Hermione shipper deep in my soul, and this is a Percy/Hermione, but damned if it isn’t a gorgeous romance (more gentle, quiet romances, please!) and a thoughtful, compelling characterization of Percy in love and finding his way in life.

Sinnersandsapphics has a series featuring (among other characters) bi and poly Percy, called the Polyverse+ on AO3, except over at HPFanficTalk she has posted additional Percy-centric fics and renamed it Percycule+. Her fics are thoughtful and funny, and her Percy is delightful and shipped with both Oliver and Audrey. He features in What Landon and Peters Missed, Odd Weasley Out (on hiatus but hopefully she’ll update soon!), and The Healing of Alicia Spinnet.

I’ll reblog and add more recs if any others come to me! Thank you for giving me this opportunity to shout about wonderful writers and spread the Weasley love. <3

[demonicfrustration]

Both! 🙊⧱🤳🙈🍰😰💚🚫🛌✍️🎒🙅‍♂️👾🙉 // it's just all of them fshdjfsd I,, curious

what would my muse say their biggest flaw is

Vee: Probably his physical limitations. He's very critical of himself in that regard and will try to hold himself to a higher physical standard than he can actually achieve. He comes from a family full of strong, powerful men and he looks at himself and sees failure whether it's his fault or not.

Nero: His impulsive behavior. Nero is an act first think later kind of guy and it gets him in to trouble often. He knows it, but he's pretty bad at keeping it under control.

what really is my muse’s biggest flaw

Vee: His pride! Like I mentioned, he holds himself to impossible standards. Not only that, but he can be arrogant and self involved because of it.

Nero: Honestly? I think he's right on the nose. His impulsivity and anger management are his biggest flaws.

name three physical imperfections my muse has (birthmarks, gray hairs, muscular definition, etc)

Vee: Full body arthritis? Prematurely grey. Underweight.

Nero: Missing limb. Prematurely grey. Heavy scarring along his arm and other scars along his body from getting into fights.

what’s my muse’s biggest blind spot?

I think I understand this question but I'm not too sure. I'll do my best!

Vee: He talks to strangers often like he's above them and will take things they say as a lesser opinion.

Nero: He approaches conversations like it might escalate to a disagreement or conflict, so he's constantly getting himself ready to fight.

what’s my muse’s guilty pleasure?

Vee: Trashy romance novels. Like the really badly written erotica for middle aged moms??? But specifically the science fiction/supernatural kind. Like big buff monster boyfriends GBXHCZdvxhvhj

Nero: RomComs! He'll complain up and down if you want to watch anything but action or stupid comedies, but he really really likes RomComs. The Proposal? 50 First Dates? He'll get more into it than hid partner.

when my muse is stressed, how do they act out?

Vee: Isolation or irritation. He'll either close himself off and try to drown himself in work until he's sick or he'll get sharp and snippy. The best thing to do when he's stressed is to give him moderate, supervised space. If you keep an eye on him and make sure he's getting what he needs, he'll shake himself out of it.

Nero: Getting real mad. He knows he has anger issues and he'll do his best to not take it out on people, but sometimes he slips. He'll yell or stomp or break *his* own things. Best thing for him is to send him to the gym for a few hours to work it out.

what does my muse get envious over?

Vee: A lot, there's a reason I like putting him in green and gold. If he was a deadly sin he'd be envy. Usually he's envious over attention because of the way he grew up. He wants to be loved and he wants it to be unconditional.

Nero: Nero isn't too envious of a guy! Sometimes he'll see kids with good parental relationships and feel a little bitter, but honestly he's pretty content with what he has.

what is one thing my muse wouldn’t want someone else to know about them?

Vee: His mental instability and traumas. He doesn't share that sort of thing with people unless he trusts them completely. And because it's such a big part of him, he only has a few people he's very close to. He's very solitary because of it.

Nero: Anything about his biological father, honestly. He won't tell them anything about Vergil unless it's absolutely necessary.

my muse’s biggest nightmare

Vee: An early, young death and leaving behind no legacy at all.

Nero: Losing his family! He's a very very family oriented man. Not being able to protect them would rip his heart out.

does my muse have a learning disability?

Vee: Nope.

Nero: ADHD. He had straight C's through high school.

what was my muse’s worst subject in school?

Vee: Mathematics, any kind. He and numbers do not get along very well and it's an insecurity of his. He breezed through nearly everything else and to be bad at that makes him feel like he's failed.

Nero: History! He's just not that interested in it. He used to fall asleep frequently in his government class and managed a few detentions because of it

what does my muse feel insecure about?

Vee: His physical limitations.

Nero: Since getting his arm amputated, he's developed dysmorphia over his body. It's not something he'd do anything about, but he just.. feels incomplete.

what was my muse’s childhood bogeyman?

Vee: He didn't really have one! He was the kid who was ready to fight the monsters under his bed with his bare hands. If anything, he was more afraid of his father than any bogeyman.

Nero: It wasn't really specific! Like normal kids he was wary of the dark and had a nightlight for a little while.

what are two things that make my muse uncomfortable in conversation

Vee: Critique? Any sort of mention of what he wants for the future.

Nero: Flirting! Unless he likes you romantically and even then he'll get EXTREMELY flustered. Also just sex in general, he is NOT the friend you talk about your sex life with.

[lemons-and-ashes]

To the singles

If you're insecure in other's life? If you are depressed? If you worry about your life being lonesome? If you feel you're single and life's messed because you don't have a boyfriend? Well… People don't post negative things on Social Media. It is true, people brag and boast on social media. It's their thing. They will say, sharing the good vibes and positivity. Both are right but it's a yin-yang effect.

Don't let us make you feel that way. This Tumblr is my personal escape. I hope people visit social media sites like this and read more of reality than brags and boasts on Facebook.

So to bring you some realities about relationship: Babe's Fouls.

My Boyfriend is not Perfect

My friends thought that we have a happy relationship. That  I am the luckiest girlfriend for having a sweet and loyal boyfriend. I am here to state realities.

Yes I have the perfect boyfriend. I made that. I made him perfect. Because that's what you do if you are in love. And that is love. Making the imperfect perfect.

Make compliments about him in front of your friends and family and others. Boast the positive things he make and be proud.

Because he is that guy.

But don't be fooled. There are times when he's evil. He shouts at me. -There are times when he's really mad and he looks at me with those eyes and punch a table so hard that I froze and want to cry.

He hides secrets at me. -I will not elaborate this, this is secret topics hahaha He forgets me. -I feel this all the time. Girls when you thought that your man always thinks of you, then you are wrong. But that doesn't mean that they don't love you. It's just the human brain. I am not his priority, he's not a hero -I am being left as an option. Well there are times when I envy horror movies because those love stories are way more passionate than yours. Horror Leading actors are braver than today's boyfriends. He is mad at me at small things. -I know I make a million small bad things that sometimes matter, sometimes not. He's really not into my small things. Okay, for an example. I left something. I forgot something. I accidentally placed the tip of the chair on his foot and it really hurts then he's mad. Real mad. Saying I'm not careful and the long discussion and scolding continues… He always makes me feel sad.  -He don't text me the way he does before. He don't make me feel comfortable when I need it. When I receive nothing from him for a day I am real quick sad. He controls me. -He blackmails me most of the time He questions the way I spend my money -Well I'm this kid without plans. He makes me feel insecure -Not all the time but I really feel insecure even when he don't mean it, just the way he acts makes me feel that way. (I am elaborating no further) He makes me cry and feel depressed -this is real. You'll know when you are not single anymore. Just ask other girlfriends. It's kind of hard to explain. There are times when he's like a robot. No romance at all. So I have to tell him every single act of love that I want just for him to do. (The tip is to let him know what he can do, he's not a fortune teller girls)

But the REAL reality is… you don't make that a chance or reason to break up. You together work on your flaws because both of you are not perfect either.

So don't be envious. Unless you are ready to be in a relationship then be brave to give that suitor of yours a chance. Because to be TRUTFULLY honest. I chose the one that love me than who I love.

'Mahal ko' o 'mahal ako'? ('The one I love' or 'The one who loves me'?)

I chose the second one. Tagalog continues…I'm tired na mag english huhu…

Nung nagsimula kami ni Alvin. What's on my mind was someone na magagamit ko sa college to help me out but nothing more nothing less. So my plan was real evil. Kasi I am a real manhater before. Sobrang hate ko mga lalake. Feeling ko wala silang kwenta lahat and nabbwisit ako lalo na pag nagkukumpulan sila. Pakiramdam ko puro kagaguhan lang pinag uusapan nilang lahat when they bundle. Balak ko lang talaga is someone to help me out with my school stuffs.

Tapos sabi ko pa noon sa mga friends ko, "Uy hindi ko sya naiimagine as a husband eh, tsaka naaawa lang ako, nagguilty ako eh" kasi there was those times na he'll ask: "Ano ba tayo, kasi napapahiya ako pag sinasabi kong tayo tapos dinedeny mo pala"

Kasi grabe wala akong feeling para sa kanyang serious. Just to try lang ganun. Kaya pag nagtatanong sila tumatawa lang ako and nakikita nya yun and nasasaktan sya. So naawa ako huhu.

Pero ngayon feeling ko I love him more na.

TIPS? Be an Alessandra de Rossi? (Tama ba spell?). Be blind about love and use not your eyes but your brains. And gave that EMPOY of yours a chance HAHAHA. That's not settling for less. Because the real less is choosing someone who don't love you. Pero I really use my brains, Kasi hindi naman lahat ng manliligaw ko ineentertain ko. Pinili ko si Alvin kasi for the brains and looks and his traits. Baka naman kung sino sino nalang dyan patulan niyo porke nanliligaw. Be brainy hahaha. (ANG BAD KO TALAGA) Napaka choosy ko eh kaya sya palang nagiging boyfriend ko. HE'S MY FIRST AND LAST.

[cummunication]

What bullying Taught me

Let me start off by saying I was not popular in school. My k-12 days were some of my worst and I couldn’t be happier they are over. Yes, I was a cheerleader but that by no means helped my social status. I was never popular and frankly, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll never be. Lucky for me, my glory days were after high school and I’m thankful to say the best years are to come. I had inspiration for this article because last night I had a dream about my high school crush. I longed for and lusted after him for years… let’s call him Matt. Matt was several years younger but unlike me, was good looking and very popular. We saw each other occasionally but to my dismay, he only wished to see me when he wanted sexual favors. He didn’t want to be seen with me in public and instructed me not to tell anybody we spent time together. He would like and unlike my Facebook pictures because he was so ashamed of us being associated. It hurt and did a number on my self esteem. These days, I’d be like fuck that! If you’re too embarrassed to be seen with me and want to keep our relationship private, you do not deserve to be in my presence. Unfortunately, this took years to learn and several rounds of trial and error. I’ll begin by saying I was never overly hideous or had any defects that led kids to make fun of me. Just like any other teenager, I went through phases of wearing too much eyeliner and not properly straightening my hair, but this is a normal adolescent experience. People used to make fun of my skin & forehead calling me “shiny”. The boys I liked never liked me back and made sure I knew it. My first boyfriend in ninth grade also said I was too ugly to be seen with. Now I’d never stand for that but back then I thought it was my duty to get prettier, skinnier and more popular so I earned the respect of my peers. I spent too much money and time on my appearance, dabbling in tanning, eyelash extensions and diet pills. Let’s just say these were not my best moments. My sister had many friends in high school but also didn’t want to be seen with me. I was heavily awkward, especially socially, and just wanted to fit in. I’d sit alone or in the bathroom at lunch so I wouldn’t be seen eating alone (god forbid). I found a saving grace in eleventh grade when I discovered my YFS center (youth and family services). The counselors understood me and spared me the embarrassment of being alone at the lunch table. People would moo at me (implying I was a cow) when I walked down the hallway, and I even had cans thrown at my head in the cafeteria. As I said before, if this were to currently happen, I’d put a motherfucker in their place, however, back then I didn’t know any better other than to run, hide and to try harder to earn acceptance. My peers showed some sympathy when my father passed away yet, it did not last long. I had significantly more teachers than friends show up to his wake. Those nights were sad and lonely and this is when I turned to abusing my body (cutting etc.) to soothe my emotional discomfort. I’d put my head down and walk faster when people laughed as I passed in the hallway. Those were dark days & I remember them all too well. High school days were trying to say the least, however, part of me is grateful because the lessons they resulted in. Being bullied is not a blessing and definitely not fun. I don’t believe (unlike popular opinion) that this is a typical life experience every kid must go through to get stronger. Bullying is traumatic and takes a lasting toll on your confidence. Although these experiences did make me stronger, they broke me down to the point where I tried taking my life at 16. I’ve learned kids can be cruel, but they don’t mean to be. At that age, acceptance is crucial to identity and when you don’t fit in, it can be devastating. We’d do anything to be liked, even at the expense of others. There are times I regret, like when I saw others being bullied and didn’t do anything or laughed along. I try to show myself compassion knowing I was just trying to get by. We do what is familiar and comfortable. Those dark days taught me being mean or making fun of others isn’t cool. Far from it. Yes, maybe it was funny in high school, but in the real world (aka) any time after, it gets you hated. The people who were “the shit” in high school, rarely are “the shit” in the real world. They’re just shitty. It’s the nerds, the losers and the people with acne that go on to succeed. It’s the ones you least expect. The girls who were nasty and popular grew up to work at Walmart or be morbidly obese. Needless to say, I no longer envy them. It’s our little quirks that if we learn to embrace, set us apart and move us forward. As a teen, you wish to blend with the crowd but as you age you learn there’s nothing special about that. Now I want to be different and unique (funny how that works). The guys I never gave a second glance at in high school grew up to be extremely tall and good looking (who’d of thought?!) These bad times taught me kindness never goes out of style. Being nice gets you far and it’s important to embrace who you are, imperfections and all. You may not know it now, but it’s your flaws that make you hip, not being popular in high school. If I could go back, I wouldn’t wake up at 5 AM to straighten my hair and I’d tell myself to not worry so much. These times will pass, and it’s not the end of the world (even though it feels that way). I’d tell myself to not judge my peers and get to know everyone. Sometimes it’s the people you don’t talk to that become your best buds after you graduate. I’d tell myself people have good intentions and not everyone is a jerk. There’s so much to life beyond high school. You never know what people are going through and that kid doing drugs can be getting abused at home (cut him some slack too). People treat you how they feel about themselves. If someone’s always a dick it’s most likely because deep down, they hate themselves. The cool kids are in the same boat as you, they’re just better at faking confidence. No one is better or worse. We’re all the same; human. We’re all flawed, silly, imperfect and messy, and it’s all good. We’re all just finding our way in this crazy journey called life.

[komkari852]

Short And Long Birthday Wishes For Sister

Needless to say, a sister’s bond is unique in every aspect. Without even delving into details, you are blood-related and have been in the same womb. That by itself makes your union super special.

That being the case, you should be ready to celebrate your sister’s birthday differently. Buy her the best gifts in the world, take her out, throw surprise parties for her but most importantly, ensure you have some killer wishes lined up to blow her mind. When gifts and parties fade away, only the words you wrote or said will remain etched in memory.

If you have no clue about where to start, worry not! Our arsenal of short, long and sweet birthday wishes will make your sister feel like the only girl in the world. Here goes nothing!

Short Birthday Wishes for Your Sister

#1: Sister, you mean everything to me and even more. I feel like one of the luckiest people in the world for being part of your life! Happy Birthday Sister

#2: Seeing you turn one year older takes me back to all the sweet memories we have shared over the years and how we have stood by each other amidst the greatest storms. Thank you for being the best sister ever. Happy birthday.

#3: Sisters are bound to quarrel and fight but, let there be a truce for this special day as it is your birthday. Love you sis and happy birthday.

#4: I can’t comprehend how my life would have been without you in it. Through you, I have experienced some of the best moments in life and I know there will be more to come. Happy birthday.

#5: You can always pick your friends but not your family. I feel so lucky and blessed to have a wonderful friend for a sister. Happy birthday.

#6: Here’s the most heartfelt wish for the most incredible sister who never fails to annoy and yet surprise me every time. Happy Birthday!

#7: Today is your birthday, sister but I feel it is I who is getting a special gift, and that is your love and affection. Happy birthday, dear sister.

#8: To me, you are like a rainbow that appears in the stormy weather. You are colorful, pretty and you light up my world like the 4th of July. Happy birthday

#9: Sis, you are loving, strong, gorgeous, caring, and you are the complete definition of perfection. I envy you for that. I love you for the person you are. Happy birthday.

#10: I remember when mom walked in with you as a baby and told me how much I would love having a small sister. Well, they were right because I adore you, more than you could ever imagine. Happy Birthday!

#11: Happy Birthday big sister. You are older than me on this special day and you always will be! I hope you have a wonderful year to come.

#12: Who is a sister? A true sister is the very embodiment of love and care. As your brother, I know this is true. Happy birthday, sis!

#13: Happy birthday, sister. You are so lucky to have an outgoing, caring and responsible brother like me. Today is your day though, so you get to take all the glory. Have the best day ever.

#14: Happy Birthday, sis. On this special day, I pray that God will give you everlasting joy and all the blessings your heart desires. You deserve this, and much more.

#15: Dear sister, on your special day I would like to wish you a fabulous life full of exciting discoveries and joyful surprises! Happy birthday.

#16: To my little sister, you are the rainbow of my life and I wish you a happy birthday. Enjoy yourself.

#17: Thanks for taking all the good looks in the family- oh and happy birthday sis. Have a blast.

#18: Truth be told, it is so great to have such an incredible person for a sister. Congratulations on your birthday! Stay cool!

#19: Wishing the coolest sister ever a happy birthday! You always know how to cheer me up and make life brighter. I love you!

#20: Sis, you are like eating a box of delicious chocolate. Sweet, generous and undeniably amazing. Happy birthday, my beloved sister.

#21: Dear sister; our parents made us siblings, but we became friends on our own. Happy Birthday and I love you; more than words could describe.

#22: Regardless of the mischief, I get into, you have always been there for me. I love you, sis. Happy birthday, my dear!

#23: You are the greatest friend anyone could have, and I am lucky to have you as a sister. On this special day, I wish you the best in your endeavors and a long life ahead.

#24: You are not only my sister, but also my close friend. Have a wonderful birthday and a happy, prosperous year ahead.

#25: I still remember the thrill and sense of excitement I felt when you first came home as a baby. Seeing you grow up to such an amazing lady has been my greatest honor. Happy birthday, sis.

#26: Happy Birthday to my big sister. You are older than me today, and you always will be! I hope you have a wonderful year to come.

#27: To the person I have played with and fought with, who has been my chief rival and my best friend; I wish you happiness now and forevermore.

#28: To my little sister, I am so proud of the woman you have become. May all the desires of your heart be fulfilled. Happy birthday and have a wonderful year ahead

#29: To my big sister, thank you so much for all of your support and your good advice over the years. I love you. Happy birthday!

#30: To my bratty little sister, it seems you have turned out better than we all expected. I truly love you; with all your flaws and imperfections, you remain to be my sister. Happy Birthday!

#31: To my bossy older sister who usually turned out to be right, thank you so much for helping me and being there for me. Happy Birthday!

#32: You can choose your friends, but you can never choose your sister. Still, if you were not my sister, I would want you to be my friend. Happy Birthday!

#33: You may be a year older today, but you are still not the boss of me. Just kidding! Happy Birthday to you, big sister!

#34: Happy Birthday dear, sweet sister. Prayers and blessings for this day and for many years to come. I love you so much.

#35: I am so happy that I have you as my sister. I hope that you have the best birthday and that the year ahead is filled with blessings.

#36: Happy Birthday from someone who knows how old you truly are. I will keep your secret, though. Have a good day and a joyful year to come.

#37: Another year has gone by, my dear sister. Even though you are far away, you are always close to my heart. Happy Birthday and blessings for the year ahead.

#38: To my little sister. You keep getting older but looking much better. I can’t believe that you are already done with your 20’s. Oh well. Happy Birthday! I love you.

Sweet messages and wishes for a sister

#1: All my memories have you in them. You have been the epitome of greatness and happiness in our family. Happy birthday, loving sister.

#2: I used to think you were born naughty and tough, but I realized you got it from me. I’m glad I have served as your role model. Happy birthday, sister.

#3: You have pushed me so hard to become who I am today. Thank you for being such a great inspiration and the most caring sister. Happy birthday

#4: Words alone, are not enough to describe the sense of excitement I have when seeing you celebrate another birthday. I am proud to be called your sister. I love you and happy birthday.

#5: Happy, Happy Birthday sister. I believe this new year of your life will bring forth wonderful things because you are the nicest friend anyone could ask for. I pride in being your brother and will always love you. Happy birthday.

#6: This is to wish a happy birthday to someone who has not only brought joy and happiness into my life but also a lot of insight and knowledge. Thank you, sister. May this special day bring you all your heart’s desires. Happy birthday.

#7: Friends may come and go throughout life, but I know you will always be there for me. I am so grateful to have a sister as wonderful as you are in my life. There is no one I would rather have as a sister than you. Happy birthday, dear one.

#8: Dear sis: Growing up, I always looked up to you and adored you. As we grow older, I love you even more. Thanks for always showing me how to live life in style. Happy birthday to you, my cool role model!

#9: I am so grateful to have a person like you for a sister. It is indeed, the best gift in my life. Celebrate your birthday in a big way and have fun for you deserve it. You have always deserved the best.

#10: You touch my heart and my life like no one else and you have always been my support system. I’m so proud to be able to celebrate your birthday with you. May you have the best one yet.

#11: To the person-I have played with and wrangled with, as all sisters do. To one who has been my chief rival and my best friend and cheerleader, I wish you happiness today and may the New Year bring you joy, peace, and everlasting bliss.

#12: Happy birthday sister; Heres to bigger and brighter years ahead. You have been a true best friend and mentor. May your wishes come true this year and every year after this. My wish for you is that you experience happiness and love. Happy birthday, sister!

#13: Frankly, sis, you are everything I strive to be. strong, beautiful, and courageous all in the same package. You remind me in so many ways, of our mother and that is the greatest compliment that I can give you, my friend.

#14: It’s a rare and precious gift to have a sister as phenomenal as you and for this reason, I will always be grateful. You are kind and your personality oozes warmth that envelopes everyone. I am so lucky to be your sister. Happy birthday, sis.

#15: My dear sister, from the bottom of my heart, I’d like to say that you mean the world to me. I am of the luckiest people in the world to have you in my life. Enjoy a happy birthday and may this day bring forth joy and peace in your life.

#16: The most heartfelt birthday greetings to a friend, mentor, and the person whose presence in my everyday life makes it worth living; I love you sister, and may you have the best birthday ever.

#17: Dear sister, you’re a great blessing to me and our family. Your unending love and affections are one of those things I cherish most about you. On your birthday today, I wish you the most productive and fulfilled life. Happy birthday, dearest sister.

#18: Dear sister, we might fight for silly things and argue over silly things, but I just want to let you know you’re the best sister anyone could ever have. Have a blast on your day. Happy birthday, sister.

#19: On your birthday today, I wish you a day full of laughter, joy, fulfillment, happiness and anything good you could ever wish for. Happy birthday sister and many happy returns.

#20: If everyone could have a sister like mine, then the world would be a better place to live in, dear sister. Because of you, my life has been better and I’m forever grateful. Happy birthday, love.

#21: People may come and go but sisters remain forever and I’m glad to have a sister like you. Given the chance to live again, I’d still choose you as my sister; a million times over. Happy birthday my lovely sister.

#22: Dear sister, growing up with you has been fun and I’ve enjoyed every bit of it; the laughter and the memories. Happy birthday sweet sister. I love you.

#23: Dear sister, during trials you were always there for me, you comforted me when I was sad and gave me a reason to smile every day. Today, I just want you to have the best day of your life. Explore and have enough fun. Happy birthday.

#24: I call you my role model because I’ve always looked up to you, your success and achievements. I’ll forever respect your responsible nature and resilient character. I’ve watched your steps closely and I know that with the due season, I’m going to be like you, or better. To one of the greatest women I know, happy birthday.

#25: Dear sister you’re simply amazing! Not only because you cared for me but because you love me as no one else could. I’m lucky to have been loved by a precious person like you. Happy birthday, sweet sister.

#26: Dear doll, I’ll always be there when you need me, I’ll always be there when you lose your keys, and I’ll always be at your rescue in every phase of life. Happy birthday, sister.

#27: Dear sister, thank you for supporting me and encouraging me. As you turn one year older, I just want to let you know how much I appreciate your effort in nurturing and building me up. More so, thank you for your unfailing love. Happy birthday big sister.

#28: Dear sister, I don’t know who to say to make you feel like the most amazing person in the world because you are. I hope my little text will somehow show you how much you mean to me and how I want you to have an amazing birthday; just like you are. Happy birthday, sis.

#29: Dear sister, this message is to wish you amazing, bigger and better years ahead. May all of your heart’s desires come true and may you continue enjoying all the good things that come with life. Happy birthday, sister.

#30: Hey pretty, my gifts to you on your birthday today include lots of love, fun, happiness and all the joy you could ever wish for. I hope it meets you in good health dear. Happy birthday pretty sis. Have a blast.

#31: You are my sister and my best friend! You have been there with me through the bliss and the heartache supporting me, encouraging me and listening to me. In so many ways, you have painted the true meaning of sisterhood. Happy Birthday, Dearest sister.

#32: To such an amazing soul. You deserve to be celebrated every day and your birthday deserves to be a national holiday because you are so special. Have a wonderful birthday, sister. Happy birthday.

#33: Dear sweet sister, on this special day, I wish you all the very best! All the joy you could ever have and I pray that you are blessed abundantly today and the days to come! Happy birthday, my lovely sister.

Long Happy Birthday Messages For Sister

#1: Hi sister, you’re privileged to experience another year on earth, and you can only be grateful to God for that. Sending birthday wishes your way for a beautiful year ahead. May your lucky stars continue to shine and make all of your dreams come true. Enjoy your day sis.

#2: Sister, you shine brighter than the sun and more radiantly than a diamond. I could easily pick you up in a crowd because you’re stunning and outstanding. To the only glamorous person I know, I’m wishing you the length of years and amazing birthday. Happy birthday lovely sister.

#3: Hey, pretty sis, your birthday comes once in a year, so I want you to make the best of today. Play, laugh, love and have all the fun in the world. Remember to make this a memorable and amazing day. Happy birthday.

#4: Dear sister, you’re a direct image of myself and you remind me so much of our mother because you’re amazing, loving and caring as she is. On your birthday, I pray that your years may be added and that you may have more grace and favor. Happy birthday, sister.

#5: I’m so glad to have a talented, sweet, crazy, loving, funny, caring, fantastic and amazing person like you as my sister. You made my childhood very interesting and I am so grateful for that. Have a majestic day ahead. Happy birthday, sis.

#6: You are my strength when I am weak, and you light up my life with your warmest smile. No matter how many birthday cake candles you’ve got lit, they’ll never light up my life as you do. Have a wonderful birthday sis. Happy birthday.

#7: Dear sister, today you have been given another opportunity to blow out candles. I’m sure you are grateful because it means another year of joy and greater opportunities. Make every day of your life count and enjoy every moment. Happy birthday, sister. I Love you endlessly.

#8: All these years, you have remained to be a wonderful friend, a genuinely good person and the best sister in the world. Everything is much better because of you. Happy birthday to the one who brings so much joy and laughter in my life. I love you.

#9: Cheers to more fulfilled and brighter years ahead. My only prayer for you today is that all your wishes come true and that you may experience bliss and contentment. Happiest birthday, baby sister. You deserve the world.

#10: Living with you made me realize that I would want to grow up into an elegant woman like you. You have the courage, beauty, and boldness I have always desire, and I could never thank God enough for giving me such a sister. Happy birthday, darling

#11: Happy birthday to the one person who took after our mother’s beauty and intellect. Having you around most of my life made me realize how phenomenal and gifted you are, and that by itself is a blessing worth celebrating. Here’s to more years of influence and mentor-ship. Keep shinning!

#12: Whenever I find myself in a place of remorse or disappointment, I think about the good things you profess for my life and your words of encouragement. When everyone else left, you were my light at the end of the tunnel. Happy birthday, the best sister in the world.

#13: May this wonderful day be filled with peace, love, and joy. I could write a whole novel about your magnificence and site numerous examples of how you have helped me succeed. I wish you nothing but the best. Happy birthday, big sister.

#14: Through you, I have learned that sisterhood is all about accepting each other’s flaws and weaknesses and embracing the positive things in life. Thank you for being a teacher and a friend. Happy birthday.

#15: Dearest sister, you are everything real in a world of make-believe. Not only have you strongly shown the ability to give, love and care for others, but you’ve also been instrumental in being there for me. Thank you for everything and happy birthday.

#16: Being stuck with you for life is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Not only do I get to tease you around and knock you once in a while, but I also get to have your warm hugs and comforting company. Happy birthday, dearest sister.

Source:- https://lifemotivation.net/

Also Check:-  http://lifemotivation-net.mystrikingly.com/blog/short-and-long-birthday-wishes-for-sister

https://lifemotivation-net.weebly.com/home/short-and-long-birthday-wishes-for-sister

[justhumanhereandnow]

Why I’m Not a Christian Anymore

And why it’s more important than ever to follow Christ

This story begins on November 8th, 1998. That was the day that I committed to a relationship with Jesus Christ. For the sake of full disclosure, it wasn’t the first time; there was the baptism when I was 8 years old, and another false start in the early 90’s, but I would qualify both by pleading ignorance, and neither of those encounters lasted long. But on that Sunday morning in November, I was fully aware of the choice I was making, and dove in head first.

When I say I dove in, I’m not kidding. I attended church multiple times every week. I read the Bible every day. I prayed. I volunteered at church. I bought and studied Christian books. I bought and listened to Christian music. I went all in. I went on to spend years working with youth groups, playing music on worship teams, singing in choirs, acting in Easter and Christmas productions. I served on boards and committees. I raised my children in the church, and we brought what we learned there into our home and made it a way of life. I identified myself as a Christian for 18 years.

Here is what I know from that experience: Jesus is Love. I know, it sounds trite and cliché. But there it is. That’s what Jesus is, stands for, represents, and it is what I signed up for. I didn’t always (or often?) achieve my goal of demonstrating this love, this selfless behavior that I read about, heard from the many pastors and teachers over the years, sang about at least weekly. But I continually renewed my attempts, asking for forgiveness from people and from the God that I had committed to, and moved on with the knowledge that even if the people didn’t forgive me, He did.

My experience with other Christians was colorful, to put a nice spin on it. It seems that I was not the only imperfect member of the club. From early in my walk with Jesus, I found that some/many of his followers were deeply flawed. Sometimes, it was a case of complete hypocrisy in which the person ultimately showed little understanding or evidence of any relationship with Christ. But more often, it amounted to varying degrees of straying off the path the person was attempting to follow. We are, after all, human, and the whole point of Jesus’ time on Earth, and his fall and rise, were to address the imperfections which are our nature. Christians are people too.

And then came November 8th, 2016, a Tuesday, the day of the United States Presidential Election. That was the day that I found out I had very little in common with the people in my demographic. Because, you see, they voted for Donald Trump. And that was utterly inconceivable to me.

I should point out here that, as a moderately conservative American who had paid just a little bit of attention to politics over the last 20-30 years, I could not in good conscience vote for Hillary Clinton, either. I spent my vote on a statement; I voted for a third-party candidate for the third time in my life, not because I thought my candidate would win, but to say that the two big parties were letting us down.

So, Donald Trump.  A man who rose to fame as a New York real estate tycoon, well known for saying and doing whatever it takes to make a deal, and perhaps better known for his misogynistic treatment of women. Trump opened his Presidential bid with a speech that screamed of racism and ignorance, surrounded by the decadence that has defined him his entire life. He makes no apologies for his faults, or gives any acknowledgement that he has any. Ultimately, there is one word that sums up Trump from my perspective: selfish.

Do you see the contrast? Let me break it down for you. A key definition of love is ‘unselfishness’. So, Jesus is the embodiment of unselfishness. Trump personifies selfishness. These two are quite literally opposites. Now before you jump to any conclusions, it is not my intent to put any further labels on this, or point to any biblical prophecy. I am simply stating my opinion, based on all available evidence, of the apparent nature of the man who was most recently elected to the office of President of the United States. And according to numerous polls and statistics, most people who voted for him are self-proclaimed Christians. (Here’s just one... http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/11/09/how-the-faithful-voted-a-preliminary-2016-analysis/)

According to Stephen Mansfield, in his book Choosing Donald Trump, the key to Trump’s victory with the Christian vote was in wooing their leaders, people like Franklin Graham and James Dobson, who then became his sales team (read Mansfield’s interview with Vox here: https://www.vox.com/2017/10/4/16346800/donald-trump-christian-right-conservative-clinton). Trump parroted their positions on key issues like the Johnson Amendment, abortion, gay marriage, religious liberty, and they were dazzled by the promise of access to power. Their followers then, hardened by eight years of a leader who seemingly stood in direct opposition to these key issues, were ready and waiting for these clergy to show them the way.

What were these Christian voters so desperately looking for? Laws that prevent people from doing what they believe is morally wrong? Supreme Court Judges that will uphold these laws? Control? Power? And that is certainly what Donald Trump attempts to personify, right? Power?

And what will he do with this power? Make sure refugees can’t crowd our country and take our resources? Make sure the healthy and wealthy don’t have to pay for all those poor sick people? Make sure that those violent inner-city thugs are put in prison where they belong?

Where are the Christian ideals? Where is the Love?

“For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.” – Matthew 25:35-40

I’m looking for this spirit in the current president, or in his supporters. I’m not seeing it. Instead, I see this president trying to shut our borders, defending racism, condemning peaceful protest, mocking anyone who opposes him, defending his lies with more lies, trying to shut down the free press, and generally mis-managing everything in his control. And still, people support him, blindly following the leader who just needs to get them one more Supreme Court Justice to WIN! And they do it while continuing to proclaim their identity as Christians. 

I’m out. This is not what I signed up for. If this is what being a Christian looks like, I’m not one of them.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

This is what following Christ is all about. And it looks nothing like Donald Trump.

With natural disasters seemingly on the increase, and man-made disasters unmistakably so, it is more important than ever that we love each other. We need each other. We need a leader that exemplifies such love. So, as I denounce the sitting president of my country, and distance myself from his supporters, I will, at the same time attempt to continue to follow through on my commitment from 19 years ago; I will follow Christ. And yes, that means I should love my enemies. I do pray for the people who voted for and still support Trump. Some of them are my friends and family. I pray for them. And I pray that God will show me how I should address my very un-Christian feelings toward the guy they elected President. I still need Jesus; now, more than ever.

[thisishowyouletgoandfindyou-blog]

Jessica Semaan

FollowingLebanese poet. Founder of The Passion Co., I write about love, life and what we are scared to talk about. Always from the <3Jan 5, 2016A letter to my not so happy single self

And all my still not so happy single ladies

Aday prior to my birthday, I was drinking cocktails, under the Baja, Mexico starry night laughing with new friends, one of which is a very respectable and famous musician. As I was preparing to leave back to my hotel room — he said to me in a low, inquisitive voice:

“You know you are a very special lady; beautiful, full of life, smart and funny. How come you are single?”

The question made me cringe.

While most of my friends are getting married and having babies, I was deleting and reinstalling dating apps, questioning myself every day a little more about why I am alone.

What is wrong with me? How come most of my friends found love and I can’t seem to come close to it? This letter is for me, but also for you, if you are single and sweating it.

Dear Jessica,

“There is something wrong with you,”

you tell yourself at night when you look over the destination wedding invite of your 28 year old friend from college. How come you are older and have no #myotherhalf photos to post on instagram? By now, you may have replaced your fairytale wedding dreams, with nightmares of being 80 and alone, still counting the things that are wrong with you.

Jessica, I am afraid to say, something is wrong with you.

And something is wrong with every single human in this world. We are all broken. If you think those who got away with finding true love have no insecurities, fears, flaws and some drama here and there, you are wrong.

What is “more” wrong with you, is this exact thought: “something is wrong with me.” That simple.

Constantly, blaming yourself for being single, and focusing on your flaws will only distance you from your beautiful self, leaving space for low self-esteem, and we all know what men this type of mindset attracts. Not the good ones.

So next time you wonder what is wrong with me, close your eyes, smile and say:

“Something is wrong with me, and many things are beautiful about me.”

It takes one bad date to lose faith in dating and 2 bad dates to lose faith in humanity.

Boring dates, disconnected conversations, guarded people, emotionally unaware men, I feel you, it sucks, really sucks.

What sucks even more is feeling hope that you finally depicted a special connection with that someone, for him to disappear, or for you to lose interest.

But here is a choice you have: you can take every date as another data point on why you should drop the ball on relationships, or as a step closer to meeting someone right for you.

And once you go down that path, meeting men becomes about self-exploration. And when you hit a dating fatigue, go soak with your girlfriends, or organize a fun group weekend trip.

But most importantly do not give up on love for love has not given up on you.

It is true, your married friend with 2 kids does not have to worry, trying to find out why he never texted her back. She does not have to cry about a nobody, process why he did not invite her to Thanksgiving over and over.

But my dear, aren’t the cracks how the light comes in? While you are still getting your heart broken, extract the beauty in it. You will never feel more alive and more human than when your heart is cracked open. Sam Smith, the talented singer who won four Grammy awards, confessed:

“I want to thank the man who this record is about, who I fell in love with last year. Thank you so much for breaking my heart, because you got me four Grammys.”

When in pain, pick up a pen and write poetry. Maybe even pick up a brush or a guitar. Embrace the heartbreak for it may carry your next creative breakthrough, or even better: pave the path to your passion, your life’s work.

What happened in your late 20s when you had not met the right partner? You may have freaked out, but surely you had two options: you could have put on a settling mindset, and focused on optimizing marriage over compatibility.

But you said no to social norms and didn’t settle. Let me remind you: you chose not to settle. You acted brave, and you made it here. Let it be worth it.

True love exists. You have seen it. You have read about it. You have experienced it with friends and family.

Yes it gets more difficult as you get older to believe you can have it. Your limiting beliefs sit there, collecting dust, and you fall for them. But it is worth saying no to the beliefs.

Because you will have your great relationship. It might not end up in marriage, but who said marriage is for everyone? Who said entrepreneurship is for everyone? Or college is for everyone?

Optimize for true love, not marriage, not deadlines.

You may ask me, but goddamit what is true love? I don’t know. But I know when I settle. I always know. And you do. So let’s stop ignoring the voice.

“You do not choose who you love, you do not choose who love you. You do not choose when it happens or how it happens,” a quote from your favorite short movie, The God of Love.

Unless your friend is the God of love, do not listen to her 5 tips on how she met the one, and how you will too. Especially when she says: “When you stop looking for it you will find it.”

I would like to, or you could too, tell your friend this is bullshit. Relationships are a legitimate desire to have as an adult.

If you wanted another reason to discard the advice, there is a story in the buddhist teaching, where a master tells a monk to not think of monkeys for 3 days and come back. What did the monk do? Thought of monkeys.

Yes, it is ok to want it, to look for it, and to say what you need.

There are no rules in love my dear lady. You may meet her or him in the elevator on a bad hair day, on tinder on a boring Friday night, he could be your best friend, she could be your coworker. It may go slow, you may be married in 3 months. No advice will predict it.

Maybe you have a couple in your life who looks so yummy on social media, that it makes your envy spike? And you start fantasizing of having that same union of mind, spirit, heart.

While comparing is a natural frame of looking at the world, you must remind yourself that it is a source of misery. It is like constantly comparing apples to bananas. No two people have the same ancestors, the same environment of growing up, the same health, the same anything. We are all unique, and so are you. So please quit comparing, and creating unnecessary suffering.

Learn to be a better communicator, through your other relationships, including friendships. Use yourself as a guinea pig to practice acceptance and forgiveness, both essential to lasting love.

Ask yourself why you want it so badly. Understand the craving. And the attachment.

The Buddha told a story of a farmer who lost his cows. He came running to him and his monks asking if they saw his cows. He was really worried. After he left, the Buddha told his monks, you are lucky you do not have any cows.

Look within. And see where is this need coming from. And maybe you can understand yourself better, and let go of the cow.

What you really need is a community that inspires you to not settle. That pushes you to keep going and not give up. That reminds you to get out of your own way when you do. And holds the mirror up to see your beauty in your imperfections.

And remember, you do not owe it to society or anyone to be miserable because you missed a chapter, and instead crafted your own story. Walk with pride Jessica. For you have chosen the path of truth, and you are not alone. And next time someone asks you why you are single now you know the answer:

“why not?”

[ramialkarmi]

Homeschooling is more popular than ever but still widely ignored

During Betsy DeVos' recent three-hour confirmation hearing to become President Donald Trump's education secretary, charter schools came up no fewer than 60 times. Homeschooling was mentioned once.

Charter schools have become a significant part of the US public-education system and now educate 2.5 million kids. But homeschooling has quietly experienced a surge in recent years too. Brian Ray, a homeschooling researcher at the National Home Education Research Institute, estimates the number of kids taught at home is growing by as much as 8% a year since the total hovered around 2 million in 2010, according to US Census figures.

That puts the upper estimate at approximately 3.5 million children, far surpassing charter schools.

The homeschool myth

Teaching kids at home has long been controversial, with critics saying the instruction is uneven in subject and quality and makes kids asocial.

But in recent years, technology and changing attitudes have made homeschooling easier and more effective, helping boost its popularity. And research suggests homeschooled kids do better on tests and in college than their peers in public schools.

"Homeschooling really cultivates a trait of open-mindedness and [being] open to new experiences," says Claire Dickson, a Harvard sophomore who was homeschooled from kindergarten through her senior year of high school. Her mother, Milva McDonald, pulled her out of her Boston-area public school when she realized, for example, that 5-year-olds were being told to sit still. McDonald felt structure was the enemy of education, and she vowed never to subject her kids to that kind of environment.

Dickson is quick to dispel homeschooling stereotypes. For example, religion wasn't a factor, and she wasn't holed up at home all day.

"I have to explain to people that we didn't have a blackboard in our kitchen with equations written on it. I was out in the world," she says. "Homeschooling more refers to the lack of going to one institution."

After seven years of the standard menu of subjects — math, science, history, English — Dickson's mom let her study whatever she chose. She says she drifted toward psychology, which she ended up taking additional classes for at local community colleges and at Harvard Extension.

"Because there was no structure, I was forced to look at my options and say, 'This is what I like,'" she says. Now, she's studying psychology to earn her degree.

Taking a personalized approach

Research suggests homeschooled children tend to do better on standardized tests, stick around longer in college, and do better once they're enrolled. A 2009 study showed that the proportion of homeschoolers who graduated from college was about 67%, while among public school students it was 59%. Catholic and private schools fell even lower, with 54% and 51% of kids completing all four years.

Maybe it's the way today's homeschoolers learn.

Research on effective instruction suggests it's all about personalization, in both content and style, which homeschooling offers from the start. And thanks in large part to the internet, contemporary homeschoolers have far more options at their disposal.

In Mount Kisco, New York, members of the Kelley family spend five-hour schooldays absorbed in their inner worlds. As classical music plays in the background, John, 17, sits in the front room studying for an AP test on his iPad, and 15-year-old Regina sits on the couch with art-history flashcards. The three youngest kids gobble up workbooks at the dining-room table.

Their mother, Amy Kelley, says she began homeschooling for a number of reasons. In the beginning, it was to help her oldest son, Nat, who has a genetic disorder that makes traditional learning difficult. During that time, she grew increasingly frustrated with the public-school system.

Like Dickson's mom, Kelley thought traditional schools were too strict and formulaic. She wanted her kids to have a more freewheeling education but still with a Catholic bent. About 64% of today's homeschool parents cite religion as a reason they chose their particular route. Kelley says that if her approach lives up to any stereotype, it's that one. On the dining-room table are stacks of workbooks with such titles as "Vocabulary 6 for Young Catholics" or "Better Handwriting for Young Catholics," and religious art adorns the rooms of the house. But many homeschooling families don't emphasize religion.

In the Bronx, New York, Jessica Epting says that while she does try to instill Christian values in her kids, there are no workbooks rooted in religion. The only visible sign is a handwritten copy of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tacked on the door above the kids' work plan. The passage, which begins "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast" is hardly the Bible's most devout verse.

'He doesn't get this all day ... so here's his chance'

Just by virtue of the kids' interests, Epting says she needs to make sure her four kids are exposed to a wider world of knowledge. Recently, her 5-year-old son Creighton asked about the big bang theory. He couldn't quite grasp the idea that the universe started from a giant explosion, but Epting says she told him the idea would come in time. "I said, 'You'll probably keep coming back to that a million times in your life. You'll keep reassessing if that could happen, if it couldn't happen.'"

Both the Kelleys' and the Eptings' efforts to open their kids' minds have defied the stereotype that homeschoolers are asocial. Regina and John Kelley have met up with local kids and others across the country on social media. Epting regularly takes her children to gymnastics, ballet, and piano lessons. Both families attend homeschool meet-up groups.

But there's a lot of growing up that happens in a schoolhouse that, for better or for worse, is hard to recreate outside its doors. The cliques and bullying, for all the misery it brings, can teach kids coping skills and confidence. Epting has forced herself to let Creighton suffer teasing on the playground so that he may develop those defenses.

"He doesn't get this all day, every day, like every other kid out there," she says. "So here's his chance. I'm going to sit there and distract myself."

A legal back-and-forth for 40 years

Homeschooling's roots go back hundreds of years. Before school was institutionalized as teachers standing in front students, kids mostly learned through apprenticeship or private tutors. But in the past 40 years or so, families began to push for alternative methods — the kind of free choice that DeVos and others have advocated. Jim Mason, director of litigation for the Homeschool Legal Defense Association, a nonprofit advocacy group that fights for homeschool parents' rights, says the greatest changes involved the loosening of laws that required parents to be certified as teachers and, of course, the internet. Together, swaths of nonteacher parents who were interested in homeschooling could choose to do so even if they had minimal training.

But some say that's not a good thing. Rachel Coleman, executive director at the Coalition for Responsible Home Education, says the research is still too thin to definitively say homeschooling works well consistently. People still need to ask tough questions to know which approaches aren't successful, for the sake of homeschool students.

Homeschool parents seem to acknowledge the method has flaws, adding that they're just not as dire as the ones found in public, private, and Catholic schools. In the age of the internet, they say, when university lectures and guided lessons are getting nearly as good as in-person instruction — and are free from distractions — almost anything can be taught.

A slow march toward the mainstream

Every Friday after school, the Kelley kids pile into their 12-person van bound for tennis practice. It's one of the few ways the family spends time with other homeschoolers in the area. 

On the way home, Kelley reflects on the lingering insecurities homeschoolers face, even after her 15 years of involvement.

But she adds that the stigma has faded as parents realize the true size of the community they're entering and how many options sit before them.

"When you have a bunch of young kids, you love the schools," Kelley says. If you're a new parent, you can drop your kids off at preschool or kindergarten and spend the workday knowing they're learning and having fun.

But that doesn't last forever, she says. Kids start resenting certain teachers. They complain about their lunches. They fear their bullies. Bright spots do come along, but often at a steep price — like the love of learning or the desire to pursue interests other kids deride as "weird."

"It's only as life goes on that the imperfections become more visible," Kelley says. "And then people start to view homeschooling more positively."

SEE ALSO: Schools aren't teaching the most important subject for kids

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