#they are mostly lies and not misunderstandings or fuck ups

[wild-at-mind]

Honestly really upset about the James Somerton thing.

[demilypyro]

Okay since this doesn't seem to want to go away here's me addressing every single "allegation" that I've heard about. I hope to have at least given a good explanation where the horrible things being said about me came from, and why I consider them either just totally not true or badly misconstrued. Some of my friends have recommended I don't say anything at all, but I've always preferred openness and honesty, so I hope that's appreciated.

I understand that some people will still dislike me even though the things being said about me are not true. That's fine. I don't need everyone to like me, but it's when I'm being consistently harassed and lied about that it interferes with my mental health and ability to work. So I'm gonna try and end things with this.

"She's racist"

From what I can tell this is about one time when I said I keep my interest in anime to myself around new people. I do this because showing you're a Huge Fucking Nerd right off the bat can make a bad impression. I could have said the same thing about Star Trek or comic books, I just happened to be talking about anime in that moment. Someone seems to have misconstrued this as me finding Japanese culture something shameful and lesser than other cultures?... Which I would call a total willful misinterpretation. The rest of this seems to stem just from being Dutch, because the Netherlands is a country that has a problem with xenophobia. This is true, but uhhh I'm mixed myself so I'm pretty well aware of that, and I obviously don't support our infamous "blackface holiday." Just because I live here doesn't mean I agree with everything this country does, be that historically or in the modern day.

"She's friends with racists/misogynists/transphobes"

The only thing I can guess this is about is when I was mutuals with a user called porko-rosso at least 5 years ago and didn't really believe it when people told me they were a bigot. I haven't interacted with this user in over 4 years but people still claim we're like best friends, which was never true in the first place, we just knew a lot of the same people. Most of the resentment from the people who repeatedly spread these rumours about me seems to have started here. So for the record: no, I am not friends with any racists, misogynists or transphobes.

"She thinks she's better than other trans women because she passes better"

This is just not true. This idea seems to pop up just whenever I post about enjoying the benefits of HRT or surgery, but most recently this was misconstrued from a post where I said being trans is about being yourself as much as possible. Since this was in response to someone saying that me trying to pass is "erasing my identity", people thought I meant trying to pass is the same as being good at being trans, which was not what I meant, but some people didn't seem to want to believe me when I clarified. My apologies for the misunderstanding I guess, but that's all it was. So no, I do not hate people who don't pass as well as I do, nor do I think all trans people should be transitioning medically, and I resent the implication.

"She has a secret discord server where she makes fun of pictures of other trans women and calls them slurs"

I had absolutely no clue what this was about when I first heard it. I was sent screenshots that supposedly prove this but all they show is me being rude about someone's appearance one time in january of 2022. I actually thought these were faked because I don't remember this happening and the things said confused me, but one of my friends says she found it was in her server, where she had showed a picture of someone and asked everyone present (mostly other trans women) if they were hot. Apparently I did not think they were hot. So yes, I did insult someone's appearance back in january 2022, but it was an isolated incident. Frankly even I find my remarks in these screenshots distasteful, I don't know what I was on when I wrote that stuff. I'm sorry to that person specifically. What I said has weighed heavily on me and I apologize for it. It's not something I approve of, and don't intend to repeat that mistake. Still, to say it means I hate trans women and I love to make fun of them in my secret discord server and call them slurs is just... a super-villain level of exaggeration. I didn't even know about the word that was named as an example. It's not true.

"She's often rude"

I can't deny this one. Autism gonna autism. I've seen many therapists, doctors, experts, what have you, to try and help me with this, but it seems my particular brand of autistic in combination with the cultural differences between mine and other countries just really often ends with my foot in my mouth when I speak English. I apologize! I have never meant to personally offend anyone. It just keeps happening and I can't stop it from happening.

If after reading all this, you still consider me bad enough to hate my guts, I can't stop you, but I wanted to have at least had my say. I swear that everything in this post is the honest truth as I understand it, and that I've never acted with purposeful malicious intent.

[wickedcinnamonroll]

Okay fuck it I'm making my own post even tho I'm not in the like, Watcher circle or whatever I just have something to say that I'm not seeing a lot of people saying yet

I don't think we can be too mad at people on here "spreading misinformation" regarding the idea that Watcher WAS going to delete old videos since in the Goodbye YouTube video, they said

"The beta will be a transitional period where you'll still be able to access content on YouTube, but beginning May 31st, you'll need to become a member of our streaming service to access full seasons and new releases."

Like idk maybe I'm just too autistic or it was phrased incorrectly and horribly, but me and a LOT of people clearly interpreted this as meaning "You'll still be able to watch our videos on YouTube, but beginning May 31st, you'll need to become a member to watch both new AND old content." I think it's the inclusion of the phrase "full seasons" to the statement. If they only said "beginning May 31st blah blah blah to access new releases" and THAT'S IT, then sure okay that clearly means that new content is exclusive to the streaming service. But "full seasons" makes it seem like- that would include both new AND old seasons.

And if you try to be like "well that's on YOU for misunderstanding them", idk man I'm not a content creator but if I was making this big huge announcement, I would've made it CRYSTAL FUCKING CLEAR that don't worry, we're not deleting old videos!! We're just making a platform where we're gonna be posting new stuff and also the classic stuff will be there too. Like I would use very obvious wording and phrasing to say this.

Also in the Variety article that everyone is linking to prove that "see see! they're not deleting old videos omg y'all are so stupid for believing and spreading this misinformation and these lies" THE LINE DIRECTLY BEFORE IT SAYS THAT RYAN SAID THEY'D KEEP VIDEOS UP SAYS

"The company originally told Variety that Watcher would eventually remove all of its videos from YouTube, where it currently has 2.9 million subscribers."

LIKE?????? THEY ORIGINALLY SAID "Yeah we're eventually gonna delete all the old stuff" but they either realized what an insane idea that would be and/or they saw all the backlash and backpedaled like crazy.

Like listen- I am happy that they aren't deleting old videos, but I'm kinda annoyed that so many people are using the fact that not everyone read this Variety article and are y'know........believing what they originally said in their video as a way to like....idk undermine or dismiss any criticism and/or grief people have about this news.

This doesn't change the fact that a lot of fans (and from the looks of it, mostly international fans) will not be able to watch new content they enjoy. It's important for creators to be paid obviously, but I cannot blame people from being upset.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

thinking about him (spoilers for jrwi)

thinking about how in atleast 2 scenarios chip has blamed himself more then needed, first with ollie ("i took him from his home") then with gillion ("i gave him the card") and each time he tried to put on a confident face but really it ate away at him inside.

thinking about how gillion is constantly taking on responsibility and chip canonically sees gillion as inspiration (humble beginnings, bizly says the inspo from the future is from gillion tidestrider) and its not like he only takes some blame but usually its all the blame because gillion knows how to acknowledge his faults somewhat.

thinking about how chip takes promises ever so seriously (ie, not even doing simple lies after promising gill that he wouldnt) yet hes such an example of "change doesnt happen overnight" and how he acts can be directly or indirectly related to past adventures and/or trauma (probably even how he copes is atleast somewhat connected to the guy he killed under price).

thinking about how chip grew up looking up to arlin and seeing what a great example of pirates the black rose were and trying to be something atleast somewhat great and feeling like he failed when hes the only one on deck with somewhat an idea of what a pirate is.

thinking about how chip would lie to protect his friends yes but became a lying machine to protect himself before and hid his intents because while he can absolutely trust his crew his instinct is too not because he got used to being on his own and putting himself first and now hes around people (mostly gill) who put themselves before him to help protect him.

thinking about how easily gillion made friends with people on islands and eventually it rubbed onto chip too (ie: gryffin, felipe, etc) as he unlearned the idea that hes alone in a cruel world that only exists to make him suffer and theres a light in everyones life that makes it even just slightly better, no matter the background (main example is gill again).

thinking about how much gillion is willing to sacrifice for his friends and when felipe wanted to stab him every night, it was chip who tried to talk sense into gill because he cares for gillion and (most likely) was worried that felipe may be lying about healing and may full on kill him.

and all these thoughts (and more) make me feel so much when they found the empty rowboat with nothing but ashes and a fiendish smell and gillion starts blaming himself so chip grabs his shoulders and says "its not your fault, you werent the one who made him grab the card" because somewhere in my heart it feels like maybe chip isnt just talking to gill but to the part of himself that keeps on trying to hold onto every wrong hes done, every sin that keeps him up at night, every lie that is amplified in his skull, that he deserves forgiveness and not everything in the world lays on his shoulders.

and with these thoughts, one more comes to mind: chip and gillion are so similar in backgrounds and morals and thats why theyre the ones that break each others walls and misunderstand each other and fight because they probably dont even fucking see it.

[traegorn]

This long ask came in, and it's so ridiculous I'm going to have to chop it up and respond to it piece by piece.

Because it's that's fucking dumb.

I will, in fact, get pretty hostile in this -- because I've been getting a shit ton of this. So, before we start -- I am not a Christian. I am not fond of a lot of what's been done in the name of Christianity. This is not a defense of anything ever done in the name of the Christian Church.

But I am sick and tired of uninformed bullshit, and this ask is the latest in an unending pile of this nonsense I've gotten this week.

So buckle up, buttercup.

So time to brace myself for something stupid. Like reusing "monuments and temples" is like a textbook example of syncretism, but let's see what their examples are.

Stolen from who, buckaroo? Stolen from fucking who.

I'm pretty sure I've seen the unsourced meme all three of those claims come from, and literally there's no evidence. You're going to go into some Horus bullshit, aren't you? Written by someone who outright lied about actual Egyptian mythology.

You're just making shit up here -- like the twelve disciples? Say what you will, but those were, like, actual guys. Crucifixion was literally a common means of execution by the Romans. Why would they "steal" that when it was the way a lot of folks were executed.

Does your ass not possess an ounce of critical thinking skills?

I need you to fucking think about this for a few seconds.

If a tradition came into being in the last few hundred years, whomst the fuckst do you think came up with it? If the people who invented it were Christian... it was created by Christians. Like pull your god damned head out of your ass. "Gee, we don't have a lot of written records about what non-Christians did around the solstice -- but somehow centuries after the Christianization of Europe we're just going to somehow know about an ancient Pagan tradition and steal it! For reasons!"

There are pre-Christian traditions that have been incorporated through syncretism, but also... a living culture sometimes invents new shit. It happens.

"Elves and flying raindeer and a magic man who can come into your home are not the result of syncretism." Well some of those are the results of Department Stores and Capitalism, so you're like half-right on accident there.

Santa is actually a classic example of the fusion of multiple figures -- mostly Father Christmas and Saint Nicholas. Saint Nicholas was a a fucking actual guy who got stories made up about him and embellished through folklore. Father Christmas may have been adapted from a pre-Christian figure from the British Isles, but it's one we literally know nothing about if its true.

...and decorating the hearth... is literally syncretism. That's, again, like textbook. The church didn't tell people to do that. People just kept doing that in spite of the church.

You have a fundamental misunderstanding of how culture, history, and even religion work.

You overripe aubergine.

[piracytheorist]

I think that Yuri is against the whole marriage thing mostly because the excuse of "i'm married since a year and didn't tell you before and even LIED to you about it, sorry (lol)" that Yor told him.

After all at the beginning, when Yor tells him (lies to him), saying she may see someone, he's happy about it. So it's not the fact that she found someone who bother him but the whole mistery around the marriage and that his sister didn't tell him for a whole year.

It can be pretty suspect for anyone and even more for someone whose the job is to NOT trust people :/

It was not the best start to start to know Loid and appreciate him ^^"

Yeah. As necessary as it was for Loid to have the "we married a year ago, definitely not just for the interview!" excuse, it ended up making the marriage look super suspicious to everyone else.

Now, as far as the fandom is concerned, I think people are too used to stories being poorly written and certain characters being so creepy, that they're not prepared to see the brilliance with which Endo handled Yuri's dynamic. Yes Yuri is a little obsessed with his sister, but it's made understandable due to the circumstances under which they grew up in, and he is willing to accept her getting married. However, that very obsession is there to produce conflict for Loid and Yor, and it's handled with a very delicate balance where it enriches Yuri's personality without making him a creep.

Honestly, I think people misunderstand both his "When I grow up I'm going to marry you" and how he latched onto Yor saying she'd wait up for him. The first one is a thing a lot of little kids tell their parents, older siblings, or any form of caretaker, or even their peers. They know that "marriage" is a form of showing how much you love someone, but they don't know how romantic love works yet, so they connect marriage even with familial or platonic love. So in their minds, telling someone "I want to marry you" just means "I love you very much", and in their age, that can only be familial or platonic love.

About the second, I think Yuri had a moment of ShockTM when he saw Yor about to kiss Loid, not because he felt she was betraying her "promise" to wait up for him, but because reality was very suddenly drilled into him.

It's like when you sit and have a striking realization about real life. Things like "I'm not getting any younger" or "The world is fucked up" or even "That thing that happened to me was actually traumatic". You go by in your life hearing that stuff, and automatically understand them, but you may have a moment of actual realization when you're like oh. Shit. This is Real.

And I think this is what happened with Yuri here. He didn't actually think Yor would marry him, but it was a kind of "dream" that he subconsciously had, probably in the form of "I will always be the one she puts first". So he might have felt secure in that thought, but right then, when he saw Yor almost kiss Loid, that dream/thought was very suddenly pulled from under his feet. He had his "I'm not getting any younger" realization. But because his emotional state is... how it is, instead of taking a moment to self-reflect and just think, he lashed out and tried to protect that safe space he'd built in his mind.

Honestly, he's a very interesting character because he provides conflict while being layered on his own. He's very well written and developed, and it can be very easy for audiences to fall in the trap of calling him a "creep obsessed with his sister" if they don't look a little deeper.

(no spoilers for the manga please 😁)

[hknightdai]

REQUEST - Plucking Thorns

Margaery Tyrell x Male Reader

Tags: Vaginal (Brief), Oral Fingering, Facefucking, Facial

Request: ok so how about margaery tyrell X Male Reader smut she doesn't want to get pregnant and is always talking back at Reader so he fucks her face and slaps his dick on her face and gives her facial at the end

XXX

It’s been a year or so into your marriage with Margaery Tyrell and yet you have no children. Not for lack of trying. Your good “Wife” has simply decided to forgo her wifely duties, refusing to bear your children. This was fine at first, you mostly just needed her family, “I can always get a concubine,” you’d thought.

That was until time passed and you noticed how she seemed to give out more orders than you.

The argument about that is still talked about to this day.

It was settled though. At least you thought it was, until the rose showed her thorns. Her minor aggressions you could take, “it’s for the alliance,” you’d mutter to yourself. She must have known, for she started giving snide remarks, seeming to undermine you and your ruling. Her remarks were said in such a way that they could be advice, but even those with half a brain are able to tell it’s an insult. How unfortunate your court is full of half-brained idiots.

Throughout the day, you could barely do any work, too busy stopping yourself from snapping at your servants and knights for the smallest of annoyances. Realizing how unstable you were, you called your wife to your chambers to relieve some of that stress.

Your puffs of breath, verging on grunts, hit Margaery’s skin as you thrust into her. What you two are doing can’t be called sex, more like habit or obligation. Sure, she is wet and feels nice around your cock, but there is no passion to this affair.

Tired of this, you let yourself relax and, predictably, Margaery hurries you off of her. Spilling on the bed, the sex was wasted as your temper flared up. Glaring at the bed, your breathing quickly grew labored.

Seeing this, your Wife misunderstands the reason.

“You must be tired, Dear.” Such saccharine words drip from her mouth. “I heard your work was tiring.”

Your eyes flick up, “Oh? Where’d you hear it from?”

“The nobles of course. Their voices were so loud that I had to ask.” She gets off the bed and dressing. “They were looking for my Husband, he wasn’t anywhere to be found.”

“I thought, “He must be busy.” So I sought to their problems for my busy Husband.”

“Now.” She stands before you. “I can see that you are tired. I shall leave you to your sleep.”

She glances down at your cum before returning to you, her eyes twinkling with taunts. She turns and walks towards the door.

That was her mistake.

You shoot from the bed, still naked as you lash out and catch her neatly prepared hair in your grip. Margaery gasps before letting out a short scream as you yank her backward and onto the floor. She lies there, barely grasping the situation yet. With your hand firmly in place, you pull her up until she is on her knees, Margaery hissing all the while.

Her hands fly to yours, but she’s smart and doesn’t try anything.

You force her head back and see her glaring at you.

“What’s wrong dear Wife, no smart remarks?” You taunt her.

Her lips pucker as if she tastes something sour. You know what she’s going to do and it’s exactly what you want.

Margaery spits at you, missing thanks to your movements. As her spit hits your thigh, you use the opportunity to shove your fingers down her throat.

"Khlk!" Margaery gags around them, her eyes wide with shock.

Her grip tightens around your arm as your fingers piston in and out of her throat. Her defiance is commendable, she doesn’t look away from you.

Spit flies from her mouth, covering your hand and wrist. You reach down her throat and hold still. Your fingers force her mouth open as she gags.

Yanking your fingers out, you watch in satisfaction as Margaery coughs. Grabbing her face with your spit-covered hand, you squeeze her jaw open. In an almost comforting manner, you stroke her hair.

“Look at you,” You say in faux concern. “My Queen has made a mess of herself.”

Spit dribbles down her chin, covering her lush lips, and making them look all the more appealing.

“Let me help clean you up.”

You rub your cock against her face, spreading the mess over her beautiful face. Margaery struggles against your hold, but your tight grip on her jaw reminds her. Your tip teases her lips and she glares up at you.

You grin down at her. “Take a breath Margaery.”

She takes a shaky breath. Your cock plunges down her throat, forcing the first of many gags to come from your ministrations.

“Glghk! Glghk! Glghk!”

Never giving her a moment of rest, you focus on how her warm throat hugs your cock. Her throat spasms around you as she gags. You fist her hair and pull her down your length. Her sloppy gags can be heard outside, but no one disturbs you.

Margaery finally reacts, latching onto your thighs. She retches, covering your balls in her spit. Trying to push against you to free herself, her hand slips on her previous spit, forcing her further against you.

You throw your head back in ecstasy.

You momentarily lose your grip.

“Aaahh!” Margaery pulls back, coughing and catching her breath.

The taste of your cock and her own juices is still fresh on her tongue. Strands of saliva connect her lips to your wet cock.

She tries to stand. As if she can end this. With your ecstasy taken from you, your anger returns. Your fingers find their place in her hair, and you drag her against the bed.

“Yo- Khglk!” Margaery tries to speak, but you cut her off, fucking her throat.

“You’re lucky I was considerate enough to do this against the bed and not the wall.”

You pound her throat, too lost in your temper to care about your treatment of her. Her head bounces off the mattress, forcing her back against you. You lean on the bed, trapping her between it and your crotch. Her spit flows down your legs.

Margaery claws at your legs and you grab her arms, forcing them onto the bed.

“Fucking. Bitch!” You slam against her face, feeling her nose mashed up against your stomach. Her breaths are harsh on your skin.

“Khglk! Khglk! Khglk!” Margaery’s eyes water.

Her breasts rise and fall with her erratic breathing. She thrashes about as you hold deep in her throat, but it only seems to pleasure you more.

With quick breaths, you leave her warmth. You grab Margaery's hair as she retches, and force her head back. You grab your cock and jerk yourself to completion, covering The Rose of Highgarden’s face in your hot cum.

As your breathing levels, you shake her. “You will stop your fucking defiance or we will have a repeat of this. Got that, Margaery?”

“Yes, Husband,” Margaery says. Even with her own saliva, tears, and your cum on her face, defiance was clear in her gaze.

That’s fine though. You wouldn't mind another round with your Rose.

[thdramas2]

https://www.tumblr.com/thdramas2/740825246658084864/im-someone-who-has-a-psa-on-them-and-has-been?source=share

Happened to a good friend of mine aswell. They even got witchhunted to the point they switched TH accounts MULTIPLE times.. Those people then said it was ban evanding, but it was actually getting rid of harassment. My friend re-blocked everyone but it wasn't enough ig.

Now they sold every character that could have ben associated with them, have two toyhouse accounts, one private, one public and they're in constant panic that they'll be found by those people.

Imo it's cyber bullying and stalking. Their mental health is in fucking shambles, they even had suicidal thoughts in the beginning. And the PSA was mostly taken out of context screenshots as "proof", misunderstandings and straight up lies. I hate TH service reviews. It's a fucking shithole that is filled to the brim with imbeciles

yikes

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

Elli's Scribblings

Welcome!

This is my cozy little corner of this hellsite. Make yourself at home, have a look around, ignore the blood, that’s just... uh, anyway. Here you’ll find posts with a focus on writing and fictional suffering, but this is a main blog, so there will be a sprinkle of memes, queer stuff and everything else I feel like putting here.

An overview of my (published) writing is below the cut, more about me and my tags can be found on my about page.

My website where you can find most of my novels in free ebook/pdf format My ko-fi where you can support me if you like what you read

@elli-scribbles​ - all my original writing that was posted here @iridium-quality-salad - my video game side blog @cant-burn-the-ice-cream​ - random stuff (untagged; mostly cute things and memes that have no image descriptions)

About Me

Adult, at least on paper.

I curse quite a lot. Sorry (but not really).

I like tag games, but I have the attention span of a common house fly. Also sor— oh look a butterfly.

I run a queue, but I’m not tagging it. Good luck figuring out my sleep schedule.

Stuck between being a whump blog and a writing blog.

Fantasy books and video games are everything.

I will not reblog posts where important information isn't accessible, i.e. undescribed images or weird/small/colorful fonts.

English is not my first language.

My Stories

📖 General

Despite the focus on horrible things, my endings are too happy for dark fantasy, and despite the focus on relationships, I'm too ace for mainstream romance. This post contains extremely detailed (and extremely spoilery) content warnings for all stories that were posted here. All are set in the same universe, have a happy end, and are listed in chronological order below. My personal preferred reading order for Damien's and Merridy's story is Undeserved > Glass Shards > Nuisance > Fancy Boots.

🌿 Thorns and Jasmine

Synopsis: Healer Caldyn gets kidnapped and tortured by bad guys who want to claim his soul, and with it his unique magic. By the time he is saved, it is almost too late. Length: 150k words / finished Vibes: non-human / captivity, torture and recovery / old and new trauma / mostly whump Links: Masterlist

🌺 Twisted Thorns

Synopsis: Blinded and traumatized, Caldyn leaves his home, hoping the distance will allow him to regain control over his magic. But no matter how far he goes, he cannot outrun his past. Length: 98k / finished (eternally editing) Vibes: blind main char pov / dark magic / humans are the weird ones Links: WIP Intro

🪙 Nuisance

Synopsis: When Merridy is saved by the city’s most infamous criminal, she’s sure her life is over. Meanwhile, Cedric just wants to have his peace back. Set about 5 years before Glass Shards. Length: 48k words / finished Vibes: reluctant caretaker / misunderstandings / gay husbands / found family Links: WIP Intro | Masterlist | Ebook

🍬 Sweet Little Lies

Synopsis: When Laurent hides from the guards in a candy store, he falls in love with the owner. Despite his dislike for candy, he can't stay away. Standalone, set right after Nuisance. Length: 37k words / editing Vibes: blind main char pov / colorful glass jars / bloody handprints / dancing slowly at a grand ball Links: WIP Intro

☕ Second Chances

Synopsis: Valadan finds the love of his life, almost gets her killed, and then spends a summer making dick jokes instead of admitting his feelings. Standalone. Length: 46k words / finished Vibes: annoyances to friends to lovers / sword training (flirting) / lots of angst / perfect coffee Links: Masterlist | Ebook

⛓️ Undeserved

Synopsis: Trying to assassinate an ambassador, Damien gets caught and is made to pay for his crimes. The story of how he fucked up his life, told in three different timelines. Length: 47k words / finished Vibes: all hurt no comfort / dungeons ❤ / from bad to worse / shattered glass Links: Masterlist | Ebook

💜 Glass Shards

Synopsis: Merridy saves Damien from certain death. Leaving her life of thievery behind to make sure he recovers might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to her. Length: 135k + words / finished Vibes: hurt/comfort / please don’t leave / quiet inn rooms / qpr ace love story Links: WIP Intro | Masterlist

👢 Fancy Boots

Synopsis: A familiar face shows up, disturbs Merry’s and Damien’s peaceful life, invites himself to dinner, and refuses to leave. Set about 2-3 years after Glass Shards. Length: 46k words / finished Vibes: enemies to friends, kinda / trauma / found family / homemade food Links: Masterlist | Ebook (part of Undeserved*) *Glass Shards is set in between Undeserved and Fancy Boots, but I decided to release them together due to recurring themes and characters.

🔔 Till Death

Synopsis: When wandering healer Finnian loses a patient, he is attacked and left for dead in the forest. Hermit Eilis finds him and nurses him back to health. Standalone. Length: 110k words / finished Vibes: falling leaves / so much torture / unreliable magic / self-sacrifice Links: WIP Intro | Ebook

🌈 Other Stories

Everything else that doesn’t fit one of the main story arcs, like background stories of side characters. Gwyneth: Hold On | Rescued The story of how Gwyneth met Raindrop The Rose A short fairy tale based on Beauty and the Beast April 1st I'm so sorry if you see what I did here

If you've made it to the end - have a cookie 🍪

[diedraechin]

Hi! I would love to know some more about Golden Ticket, sounds fun.

The oldest Yuri on Ice!!! WIP I have. aka, when I came into fandom and decided to write a fic, it was either going to be bysotid or this.

bysotid won and then turned into a monster. Like, I thought bysotid was going to be a 100k word fic, not the epic monster that it turned into, but here we are.

Golden Ticket is my take on the Rivals!AU... except they don't actually become Rivals until after the Sochi Grand Prix of Tears, and it's canon divergent in that Yuuri and Viktor met when Yuuri was around 14 and attended one of Yakov's summer camps. The kicker is that Viktor doesn't remember meeting a Yuuri Katsuki; he remembers a kid named Katsuji Yuhi, who he called Kat and who disappeared from existence. And instead of his friend/protege Kat taking Japanese Juniors by storm, some upstart named Yuuri did, and it wasn't fair because Kat had so much potential. (Don't @ me. Viktor is canonically bad with names. Or at least pretends to be, and in this 'verse is *actually* bad with names. Plus, Yuuri was young and nervous and forgot to reorder his name when introducing himself to his idol Viktor and definitely wasn't going to correct him when he just went with Kat. (Georgi also picked up the nickname which is important plotwise, aka, Viktor's proof that Kat existed, Georgi remembers him!))

So when everything in Yuuri's life goes off the rails, and Yakov offers to coach him because Georgi decides to retire... Yuuri accepts but only if Yakov takes him seriously and will honestly help him try and beat Viktor (because he's pissed off that Viktor has never, ever acknowledged him again even though they promised to meet each other on the ice again someday, and Yuuri has been skating in Seniors for FIVE YEARS and Viktor has not so much as said hello to him except for one condescending offer for a commemorative photo on the worst day of his life, so Viktor can kindly go and fuck himself).

So we have mistaken identity. Misunderstandings. Them kinda hating each other at the beginning. (The banquet does happen mostly as it did in canon, and leaves Viktor a bit confused.) Rivalry. Stuck living together/next to each other. And all the shenanigans that come with it...

It wouldn't really be fair to not snippet this while I've given snippets of all the others, would it?

Yuuri shakes his head and scatters the thoughts.  It was pointless thinking about the past.  Especially since it was all lies.  Horrible lies.  He tugs at the blue tie at his neck.  He hates it.  Usually it’s his favourite tie in the whole world, chosen solely for the color because it always reminded him of Viktor’s eyes.

Yuuri stopped denying his massive crush on Viktor sometime around sixteen.  In fact, he openly embraced it, horrible (according to just about everyone) tie and all.

With a yank, Yuuri undoes the hated thing, lets it fall to the floor in a crumpled heap and, with a swift kick, sends it under the bed before collapsing on the edge of the bed himself.  He really doesn’t want to go to this banquet.  He wants to sit in his bed, wrapped up in all of the covers, order terribly-bad-for-him room service food (like a zillion syrniki with all the jam and full fat sour cream he can cram into his mouth, and then top that off with one of the many many cakes he saw on the menu as well, and maybe trying to develop a taste for vodka) that he can’t afford and Skype-movie watch The King and Skater with Phichit and simply, shamelessly wallow.

The exact same thing he’d done the night before.

Celestino wasn’t going to let him, though. He’d been clear that Yuuri had to go to the banquet, that he couldn’t let one bad skate deter him from his plan.

His plan?  His plan had blown up in Yuuri’s face the moment it was obvious that Viktor didn’t remember him at all.  His plan was over.  Finished.  Kaput.  Yuuri sighs and flops backward so he’s laying down and staring at the ceiling.  When “All the Single Ladies” starts ringing out from his phone, he answers the Facetime call without looking.

“Why are we looking at a hotel ceiling, Yuuri?”  Phichit’s voice is way too chipper for Yuuri’s mood, which is foul at best.

“I hate my tie.”

The Hallelujah Chorus erupts from the phone and Yuuri doesn’t even question how Phichit was able to summon the clip of music so quickly, having long ago learned that his friend was just magic.  He shakes his head, not even caring that the camera is still directed toward the ceiling so Phichit has no way of seeing his reaction.

“Lucky for you, I love you.  Check inside your spare set of running shoes.”

With another sigh, Yuuri heaves himself off the bed and bends down to rifle through his suitcase.  His anxiety always led to him over-packing, usually in a fit of worry that he needed to be prepared if something went wrong.  In this case, it manifested in an extra set of running shoes, two whole sets of toiletries, and a rolled poster of Viktor.  He takes the latter and tosses it in the closest garbage bin to him, then sticks his hand into the running shoes, fingers closing around a crinkly plastic bag, and pulls it out.

“You sent me a tie?”

From the phone, Phichit laughs.  “I always send an extra tie with you.  I’ve lived in vain hope that one day you’d realise that tie was the worst, and that day is apparently today.”

In his hands is a burgundy silk tie with the thinnest floral design in a dark, dark blue that will match his suit.  It’s perfect. Yuuri sniffles; he doesn’t deserve Phichit, and tells him as much.

“I know you don’t, but I like you, so you’re stuck with me. Take all the selfies ever. Don’t forget to get Chris’s autograph for me, dance with the Crispino twins and try to get Mickey to doubt his own sexuality for everyone’s sake - but mostly his sister’s - and remember, we all love you and one bad skate doesn’t make you a worthless skater.”

Yuuri rolls his eyes and looks at his best friend. “I’ll try.”

“Have fun, Yuuri-kun. And next year I promise it’ll be the both of us at the banquet, showing off our medals!”  Phichit blows him a kiss and the call disconnects. 

~~~

Chris laughs, but gamely takes the folded schedule out of Yuuri's hand and rifles through a pocket for a pen before finally pulling out a gold Sharpie. “If I can't win gold I might as well sign in gold, right?” He winks and Yuuri shakes his head, threading his fingers through his hair and pushing his bangs back in an anxious movement. As luck would have it, he has just enough product in his hair to make it stay. He sighs. He'll fix his hair later - after another glass of champagne. 

“You were flawless in the short-” Yuuri pauses. “Sorry, I didn't manage to catch your free.”

Chris laughs again and Yuuri finds it incredibly unfair that the laughter comes so easily to him. “It was also flawless, of course. Now if only my PCS was as high as yours. That and one more quad would topple Vikky from his perch.”

It would. Well, Yuuri's normal level of PCS would. This time around, the PCS score on his free was abysmal. “Are you working on a new quad?” It was always easier to talk to Chris than Yuuri thought it'd be, as intimidating as it was actually start a conversation with the other skater. 

Another chuckle escapes from between Chris’s glossed lips. “And tell my competition?” This time Chris adds a wink.  It was nice to be thought of as competition, but Yuuri knows that Chris doesn't really mean it. “Honestly, no. You remember that injury a couple of years ago? Adding a new quad would probably just lead to another one, and I'm trying to avoid that. I'm already one of the oldest.”

Yuuri rolls his eyes. “You're not old. You've got plenty of skating left to do.”

Chris raises an eyebrow at him. Yuuri thinks it's strange that this man is the same person he used to share the podium with in Juniors. Back then Chris was so… wholesome. “Everyone's heard about that reporter asking about you retiring. And you're telling me that I'm not old enough to retire?”

Yuuri feels the color rise in his cheeks.  It hadn't only been one reporter. Apparently the rumor has already started going through the mill. “I haven't made any decisions about what I'm going to do after this season.”

Chris leans in close and Yuuri feels the blush on his cheeks darken. He knows that look; Chris is after more information, and the slow smile that stretches his lips is practically predatory. “I don't believe you,” he says, his accent thicker than it's been all night. 

“It's true!” Yuuri squeaks. And it was. He is thinking about retirement, but he hasn't decided yet if it's a thing he's actually ready for -- leaving the ice. 

Chris pushes the piece of paper back into Yuuri's hand. “Well don't. That's my opinion.  Not when you've finally made it to the Final.”

Only to crash and burn. Yuuri looks down at the paper and grips it tighter. It took him years to get this far and he couldn't just give up, Viktor or no Viktor. He nods. “Yeah.”  When he looks up at Chris’s face again, it's with a new determination. 

“That’s the sparkle I like seeing in your eyes. See you later, Yuuri.”

Yuuri spins and heads straight for the table with all the champagne glasses, laid out in neat, inviting rows. He downs two of them in quick succession before turning back to stare across the expanse of the ballroom to where Chris is standing, talking with one of the top brass of the ISU. From the looks of it, he is receiving a rather in-depth lecture that he couldn't care less about. The champagne is making Yuuri warm and he runs his finger under the collar of his shirt; thinks about undoing his tie, but thinks better of it; grabs another two glasses of champagne, and goes off to fulfill the next task on his to-do list: Dance with the Crispino Twins and make Mickey doubt his sexuality. 

The fact that Yuuri isn't even questioning the latter half of that “task” means that he shouldn't have any more champagne, but his skin is tingling with the buzz of the fizzy drink. He quickly finishes off the glass in his right hand before setting it on a passing tray, then reaches out to grab Sara's hand. “Dance with me?” 

She giggles. “Yuuri, of course I'll dance with you. “ 

They leave her brother sputtering; the other member of their group, the female half of the lovely German pair skaters, gives him a curious look. Yuuri levels his finger at the two of them and says “I'll be back for you.”

Both Mickey and the German skater point to themselves and Sara laughs, pulling Yuuri toward the dance floor. 

Yuuri hands his now-empty second glass off to someone standing next to the dance floor and spins Sara into a Foxtrot. She sounds absolutely giddy as they move around the room. Her giggles are infectious, and Yuuri finds himself smiling and giggling too as he twirls her around. 

The dance leaves her breathless, but it invigorates Yuuri. He plucks another glass of champagne and presents it to Sara with a flourish before grabbing another for himself.  “You are a lovely partner, Sara.”

Color flares across her cheeks and she takes a sip. “So are you, Yuuri. Promise me that we'll dance again at Worlds?” 

Yuuri nods and hands Sara off to the redhead who is now standing with Sara's brother and the German skater. “I hope you know how to Tango,” he says as he reaches for Mickey’s hand. “Actually, it doesn't matter. I’ll lead.”

He pulls Mickey - - sputtering all the while - - to the dance floor to the raucous giggles and laughter of the girls that he's left behind. It's been awhile since he tangoed, but his body remembers and he pulls Mickey into the proper position, one hand low on his back, and presses their fronts together. Mickey squawks, but doesn't try to leave as they start dancing. 

Mickey’s face is bright red when Yuuri dips him, their faces only a breath apart. The champagne coursing through his veins eggs him on, and he leans in and brushes his lips against the bloom of color. There is whooping and applause, and suddenly this is more like a performance than drowning his troubles. It feels like an exhibition skate, Yuuri can do no wrong, so he dances some more, returning a completely breathless Mickey to his sister, color still high in his cheeks. 

Yuuri's pretty confident he can cross both Crispino Twin tasks off his lists. 

He hears the sound of an annoying Russian and spins on one foot toward the voice. “You! Yuri Plisetsky. You want to know why Viktor was calling out your step sequence? It's because it really does need work. You can't use something that lackluster in the Senior division. Take it from me. Don't take it from Viktor, though. He could use a little work on his step sequences himself if you want my honest opinion. He's coasting, not even really trying anymore; if he didn't have so many quads and the ISJ point system didn't overvalue jumps and undervalue actual skating, there's no way he would have beat Chris. I would have beat him, even though I fell on all my jumps--”

Yuri Plisetsky is staring at him, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. Vaguely, he notices that Viktor is standing just behind the littler Yuri. “A demonstration. Try and keep up, kid.”

“Ooh,” comes Chris’s voice from not far off. “I think little Yuri has been challenged to a dance off.”

“Yes!” Yuuri exclaims. “Exactly. Loser retires first.”

[allhappyandgay]

it may just be the autism but am I the only one who doesn’t think it’s as selfless to lie to someone seemingly for their benefit at the cost of yr own feelings/wants as people say it is? obviously will wants mike and eleven to be happy (even though they actually don’t want to be together) and mike wants eleven to be happy, so they both lie in order to give the other what they think they want… only resulting in miscommunication misunderstanding and confusion, but being honest and open about what you want and how you feel with yr friends is more likely to bring you closer together and prevent such complicated situations like this in the first place! like yeah they have good reasons for why they lie (for tv show characters, anyway) but the amount of people saying will and mike are so selfless for ‘sacrificing their happiness’ for someone else’s (will for mike and mike for el) like… they’re freshmen in high school what do they plan on sacrificing their happiness for each other for the rest of their lives while they’re all actually miserable??? lol got a little off track there but I like what I wrote

(of course I say this as an emotionally unavailable chronic people pleaser with major rsd who’s always lied to his friends to protect himself and questions the authenticity of all of his relationship’s constantly ha ha ha what)

all i’m saying is Im aware of how selfish it can actually be to hide how you really feel from people, sometimes you think yr doing something nice when really you’re just trying to protect yourself from any kind of harm. not saying that’s what mike and will are doing but I don’t agree that it’s a selfless act exactly

and I know there’s multiple layers to the monologue, mike was trying to save el and tried to say anything that might help her in the moment. but he (imo) also felt rejected by will after encouraging his speech, and until that point (imo) he had accepted his feelings toward him and also had an idea will felt the same and he was planning on mutually breaking up with el. then he backtracked and told el he loved her, which, I don’t know what he expected to happen after that, that they’d live “happily” ever after? seems more like he felt he had to decide between el and will. el being that he’d hide his feelings forever and stay with her because will didn’t love him back, and choosing will meaning being honest (and happy) with himself, and breaking up with el (the right thing to do). so I think there was at least a hint of self preservation in that monologue. especially since he didn’t do anything about el mostly ignoring him after. he barely seemed to care!

(I also am not at all saying that being in the closet is selfish and that protecting yourself by not coming out is bad, Im saying that mike knowingly using el as a beard is wrong (if that is in fact what he was doing), he can be closeted and keep el out of it)

if mike just told will how he felt even though it’s fucking terrifying, will would know that he doesn’t actually love el and his feelings are reciprocated. then he would stop trying to fix el and mikes relationship and el could be happy as well because she would no longer be being lied to and she could finally be independent and find herself. maybe the way things got left in hawkins in s4 with smoke everywhere and the ground opening up and eleven being hurt by what was said was—as well as to show that mikes monologue didn’t work—a way of showing that what will and mike are doing is making things worse for not only themselves internally but the people around them? and that it isn’t such a selfless act but also a harmful one?

[veinsandknuckles]

You’ll just have to learn the hard way, pt 2

Brad Bakshi/f!Reader part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5 PG (for now) From a distance, Brad seems like a perfectly nice (and distractingly handsome) man. When you start working at Mythic Quest, he catches you looking on your very first day and happily lets you misunderstand him; by the time you realise what he’s really like, you find yourself already entangled. “Friends” to enemies-with-benefits, conflicted feelings, hate fucking with a slow build and all that good stuff. “Did I just see you making googly eyes at Brad Bakshi?”

Poppy was at your elbow and you hadn’t noticed her arrive.

“What? No.”

“It certainly looked like it.” She looked a little horrified.

“Don’t worry, miss Li. I’m keeping everything completely professional.”

“Please, don’t. The shock of working with a professional would be enough to kill me.” She opened the fridge and stood on tip-toe to reach a parcel on the top shelf. It read “Ian’s special lunch - do not steal!!!” on the side.

“I’m a little confused. Are you encouraging me to get involved with a co-worker?”

“Get involved with whoever you like. I just wouldn’t recommend Brad.”

Interesting. “Why, do the two of you have history?”

Poppy gaped at you. “Me and Brad? God, no! No, Brad is a monster.”

“...what?”

Her eyes searched yours. “You have spoken to him, right? More than once?”

“Yeah.” You started to feel a little uncomfortable under her scrutiny. It seemed too late now to insist that you really had no serious intentions towards Brad beyond enjoying some eye candy from a distance. “He’s been nice. A little odd, maybe, but nice.”

“Huh. Weird.” After some thought, she continued, “well, I know him and believe me, Brad’s never nice unless he has an ulterior motive. He’s usually not even nice when he does have an ulterior motive. If I were you, I’d try to stay under his radar.”

It still sounded like bitter ex talk, but there’d never been any noticeable atmosphere between the two of them and Poppy wasn’t usually difficult to read. Perhaps they just argued over work stuff and she didn’t want any admirers inflating his ego. He certainly didn’t seem like a monster... then again, most monsters probably didn’t.

---------------

The longer you worked at MQ, the more horror stories you heard that cast Brad as the villain. People did really seem to dislike and even fear him, but around you, he remained smiling, talkative, even genuinely friendly at times. His tone didn’t always match his words, that was true - sometimes you didn’t catch the real meaning of his comments until he’d already left. But he was so handsome. There was such an intensity to his gaze when he looked at you, and you often caught him looking. At least, it seemed that way. Perhaps it would be more honest to say he was the one who caught you looking and that he just didn’t turn away. You wanted to believe your coworkers were wrong, or at least exaggerating. He was selfish, maybe, but evil? And what disgruntled employee didn’t sometimes think of their boss as a cruel despot?

Still, Brad was a powerful, good looking man with a bad reputation and those were all great reasons to keep your distance. You had admit to yourself that you got flustered around him, but you knew better than to seek out his company.

So you talked now and then when you met in the hallways or fought with the same copying machine - you kept things polite and did your best to smile only a reasonable amount. He only occasionally leaned in a little closer and his comments and questions were mostly innocent. Sometimes he seemed not to notice you at all. Either way, you certainly weren’t foolish enough to decide on his innocence just because it suited whatever idle daydreams you might conjure up to pass the time. Your work was repetitive and claustrophobic. If you did nurse a slight infatuation, boredom was excuse enough. It’s not as if you wanted anything to happen.

-------------

And then one evening you had to work late. The overtime pay was decent and Poppy had been desperate, the fridge was fully stocked and it really didn’t seem like such a bad idea until the crowd thinned and the only other remaining light in view burned in Brad’s office. There were probably some other people still on the floor and certainly some in the building but his door was right in your line of vision and his blinds were not drawn. Neither one of you could come or go without being seen. It shouldn’t matter. It didn’t matter. You kept your head down and focused on work.

It only took about twenty minutes before he emerged and you did your best to pretend you didn’t see him exit. Even when he made a beeline for your desk you refused to look up until his shadow fell across your laptop.

“Burning the midnight oil, are we?”

His dark eyes were sparkling. Now that you’d given in and made eye contact, it was difficult to pull away.

You cleared your throat and tried to smile. “Not quite, I hope to be out of here before eight. You?”

“Oh, I can go all night.” Brad grinned.

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks. He was just trying to throw you off balance, but knowing that didn’t help. A snort and an eye roll was the best you could manage in response.

He leaned his forearms on the divider. It seemed he wouldn’t give up quite so soon. “Not touching that one, huh?”

“No, I’m too good for that kind of talk.”

He tilted his head. “Shame.”

“You’ll just have to try harder, I’m afraid.”

Yes. Try harder, keep bothering me, even if it’s only to watch me squirm. Brad smiled as if he could see exactly what you were thinking.

“We’ll see. So what are you working on?”

“I can’t tell you that, it’s Poppy’s business.” You closed your laptop just in case, but he didn’t seem the least bit interested.

“Are you still trying to play the goody two-shoes? I thought you’d be sick of that by now.”

“What makes you think it’s an act?”

“Wishful thinking, maybe. It can’t just be me stirring the shit around here, it gets lonely.”

“Oh, I don’t know...”

You’d drawn breath to point out that no one around here seemed to do much besides stirring the shit, but you caught yourself just in time. No matter how determined you were to keep things professional, Brad still tricked you into this kind of back and forth almost every time you spoke. With his chipper tone and sarcastic smile it was impossible to tell if there was really any flirtation involved or if it was just his sense of humour and your attraction that sometimes made it sound that way.

He waited a few seconds for you to continue, then snorted with impatience and pushed himself away from your desk.

“You’re no fun.” And before you could reply Brad strolled off without a backwards glance.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Mark Watson recently asked on Twitter what comedy show people would like to see. He meant in terms of people who might do stand-up over the internet, so I’m going a bit outside the scope, but how’s this for an answer?

A campus-based sitcom about the performing arts troupe of an unnamed prestigious university. Two people who have just been cast in a play spend the first episode not getting along too well due to having somewhat clashing personalities (one is very cautious and reserved, one is always looking for trouble), but at the end of said episode, they get drunk together and find they actually enjoy each other’s company. They end up sitting outside a bar while having a mildly slurred conversation.

Person #1: You know, I have to tell you something. I’m supposed to keep it secret but I have to tell someone.

Person #2: I knew it, you’ve killed a man.

Person #1: No, it’s just… I’m not really a student here. I lied on the forms for the play. I don’t even have an email address.

Person #2: Oh, thank God you have a weird secret too! I’m not really Welsh. [note: Person #2 has been speaking with a Welsh accent for the whole episode so far, but at this point he reverts to an English one, from the general western region but not so far west as to actually be Wales.]

Person #1: Well that’s interesting, that we both have secrets that will now bind us together. I lied because you have to be a student to get into the plays and I just want to perform comedy. Why are you lying?

Person #2: I… I’m not really sure, actually. I just sort of started doing it one day and then I had to keep it up to avoid social embarrassment so I guess I’ll have to be Welsh forever now.

Person #1: You are the weirdest fucking person I’ve ever met, let’s be best friends for the next twenty years.

The rest of the show is about these two people being friends and taking part in the troupe while trying to protect their own and each other’s secrets, with many near-misses that are only saved by comedic misunderstandings and hijinks. There’s the occasional bit of social commentary as they explore the way pretending he’s part of a prestigious institution opens up opportunities that Person #1 would have missed otherwise, but it’s mostly just classic sitcom shenanigans.

One time they go to an off-campus bar where a man named Ghod Rilbert hears them talking in their normal accents about the web of lies they’re both spinning, and he tells Person #1, good on him for sneaking his way in with all those posh assholes who actually are students at this prestigious university (Person #2 listens to this with comedic discomfort), it’s time the working class people got a chance. Person #1 heartily agrees, but is too embarrassed to admit he did actually recently finish a degree at a different university, not as high-level a one but still. Ghod Rilbert then yells at Person #2, telling him he shouldn’t pretend to be a member of his culture (Ghod, of course, speaks with a very gruff Welsh accent), but admits that it’s too weird to be really offensive, so he buys them both beers and hangs out with them for the night.

They become friends and the two main characters continue going back to that bar because this somewhat older guy (sort of thirty-ish instead of early twenties) will buy them beers whenever they’re there. This makes things awkward for Person #1, since around Ghod Rilbert he has to keep up the ruse that he’s a working class guy who’s never attended university, while keeping up the ruse to everyone else that he’s a current student. Person #2 feels awkward during these times because he actually dislikes the taste of beer and prefers to drink wine, but he’s trying not to look like one of those posh assholes that Ghod assumes all university students are, and of course he’s too polite to complain about free drinks, so he forces down the cheap beer that Ghod buys them. In one episode they tag along with Ghod on what was meant to be just some errands but in classic sitcom style it turns into more than that, we get a look at Ghod Rilbert’s life outside that bar, and of course what we see is completely unhinged.

Now look, I realize this requires a little artistic license. I realize Mark wasn’t using the Welsh accent in university and Tim got caught out as not being a student pretty early into the lie. But just go with it. We’d all watch that sitcom, right? Incidentally, I want Rhod, Mark, and Tim to play themselves, and the show to just never mention why the actors look a couple of decades too old for the characters. Person #1 and Person #2 will have their characters named in some similar way to Ghod Rilbert, like Kim Tey and Wark Matson. The other major character will be a musical redhead who's their friend in the comedy troupe, and that character will just be named “Alex Horne”, but he’ll be played by Tim Minchin.

[sofipitch]

Can I say how much I hated HATED the freaking “lEStAt oNlY kILleD eViLOeRs” retconning bullshit AR pulled in TVL??? I get that there has to be some retconning to make it work and some of it is well done but that in particular is ridiculous and I will never accept it as canon. I really enjoyed TVL until the paragraph where Lestat is quickly going thru the events in the first book and shits on Louis’ whole account of events it is so condescending. “I can’t blame him for misunderstanding me I guess and I forgive his mistakes and the outright lies he told about me cuz I love him. How could he know I only ever killed bad people tehe he was a mess it’s really not his fault” (still overall like the book)… I know it’s the Louis girl in me and Louis isn’t perfect by any means but nah what we aren’t gonna do is invalidate everything he said and every experience he had just because you became obsessed with Lestat and started hating Louis.

I agree 100% and I am also a Louis truther. Usually what Louis lies about in IWTV is his feelings, as well as simply leaving certain scenes that might be too personal out (only part of what Lestat said that I believe, they were happy and it was unfair of Louis to hand wave that time). I tend to believe what he says goes in terms of what happened, so I believe that if Lestat actually stuck to the principle of "eating the evildoer" he would have told Louis. Like Louis struggles with eating humans and Lestat is so visibly concerned and upset there's no way that if that's what he did he wouldn't tell and give that option to Louis. Like even if Louis can't read minds why couldn't Lestat pick out the evildoers and bring it to him?

Also there are just discrepancies in Lestat saying he only ate evildoers, the children Claudia brings Lestat full of laudanum are CHILDREN, I'm sorry I don't believe children/babies are a tabla rusa but I also don't believe they are capable of being evil. And there is really no other way for that scene to make sense, an adult passed out from drinking maybe but it just isn't the same in terms of "she brought him a child to feed on as revenge bc of what he did to her in making her". Lestat also is described as killing TONS of slaves when they burn down the plantation, simply bc they found out that Louis and Lestat are, you know, blood sucking murderers

I also just hate the whole evildoer thing in the first place. Lestat actually comes up with the idea on his own before he meets Marius but decides a lot of ppl might do evil or commit crime do to circumstance, namely poverty. Instead of deciding to eat the rich Lestat just decides evil is hard to define and abandons the idea. But when Marius tells him to do just what he rejected he goes "Aye aye boss 🫡" It was a dumb way for AR to write her way out of that philosophical quandary

AR also uses the whole evildoer thing to promote her own weird views, namely super anti drug (AR was DARE paying you off for this?) campaign, which can get a little, well racist. QOTD specifically mentions Armand going to Latin America to find drug dealers and steal their money, which it's not like drug lords aren't an issue but how is it that they came to mind first and not the American elite rich who own companies like Walmart? I also don't believe in the death penalty and yes these are serial killer books but AR really tries to sell you the idea that they are good and moral for killing "bad" ppl, and in PL mention having a dungeon stocked full of prisoners as food 💀 It's fun as a horror concept but I REALLY get the feeling through reading that AR thinks this is good and not extremely fucked up for these wealthy pharmaceutical company owning vampire (I'm describing one guy but they all get their wealth inhumanely, landlording mostly, which AR seems to think is an honest living) to just get to decide what crimes are deserving of death

[mythomaniac-freak]

I'm a mythomaniac freak

I think I am anyway. That's all I really know about myself. It hurts to not know more but these two concepts I can latch unto the most steadily, and use to explain why I exist why I do. I really don't like people- but I do! I do and I don't, its very hard. I have lots of friends, people I care about, and I know that ultimately every person on this planet and beyond is like them but a bit different. I have over 10! I just went back to count! I just can't seem to find *community* within this. I've tried, over and over again, but I ultimately can't find what I'm looking for. I am either made extremely uncomfortable and feel unsafe, or feel as though I am the one making others uncomfortable and unsafe. I like being a freak, there is fun to being part of the counter-culture which the mainstream finds disturbing: but within that I can't find my counter-culture, the freaks who I belong with. I thought I had before, I always think I do- but it always comes down to me realizing I don't feel right around these people, or feeling like they are worse off with me there. It feels like there is no place for me no matter how long I search for it, no matter how much I change, it always seems to stay the same. I don't think its loneliness, something adjacent to that. It sucks to be the freak of freaks; and I know there's many out there, I know I'm not alone in this, but that doesn't really help when I can't find the ones who fit me. Maybe I make it hard on myself, how I modify my behaviour for each person dramatically, how I snap between emotional states to best suit their context, how I desperately crave to understand them because they make me feels things that I think they feel, but I'm wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong always wrong I always misunderstand I can never understand them but my brain always thinks it does. And I know it's not true, on an intellectual level I know this isn't right, but it really does feel that even those 10+ hate something about me. With each and every one it feels like I can say the wrong thing and evoke disgust, make them question why they even speak to me. They've never indicated this but there's a coldness that I just can't escape sometimes, like I've failed them completely and would be better off disappearing. And I can try to hide this and pretend I'm working, I can seek to understand myself through trauma and the classifications of mental disorders, but I feel I am simply lost and trying so hard to find a light in the fog only to snuff each one out as I find it. For a blog no one should read I will entice you by saying I'll explain more of why I think this is the case later, but for now I want to explain the mythomaniac part; Its a bit of a joke but of all the mental disorders and problems I might have, I am most confident in this.

I decided on the term mythomania both because I love learning about ancient myth, religion, the way stories have been passed down, and because pathological lying sounds worse. But that is what I do, I do pathologically lie, to everyone around me and myself. Its frustrating, because sometimes I'll catch the words coming out of my mouth and apologize because what I just said wasn't true-other times it will take days, weeks, months, fucking years to figure it out. Its not on purpose, but there becomes a purpose once they fester long enough: once the concept becomes part of my identity I have to protect it, so new lies pop up over and over again to fill in the dots- and they're boring, I think that's why they work. They tend to be mundane, they're casual, normal, often poorly researched as I frantically google something I *should* know *should* be able to recognize means this isn't a true thing about me- but I think my issues with memory make it difficult to just snap out of it. I believe I have a series of memories that, when spoken aloud, create a narrative for my life which is mostly factual and accurate- but these memories are few and far between. Ever since moving away from the old hellhole they've remained so distant, and while I am fortunate enough that they aren't completely gone like I once worried about, they so easily blend in with anything else I might say about myself. Also throughout my life, I've been told over and over that I'm wrong and just not remembering things correctly-that I've forgotten something crucial, and despite my best attempts I am rarely able to feel satisfied in any of the four conclusions: 1. I have indeed forgotten 2. Both I and my enquirer have forgotten details together 3. I remember correctly and my enquirer has forgotten 4. My enquirer is lying Some people have lied to me in ways which make me consider it for even the most minor of discrepancies: it sounds paranoid because it is, but there is a utility in lying to someone about the most minor details, it makes them unsure of any part of their reality. And that is where I love now!

I mentioned those memories, I have no idea how true they are! They feel true, they feel true in ways others don't, but I can only rely on external evidence to validate them and that can only take me so far. And when I right now am so detached from them. Its not like I try to lie- I never do, I cannot once think of a time I intentionally lied to someone. I've considered it, I've considered going behind people's backs for purposes cruel or altruistic, but I really don't think I've ever gone through with it. Does that even matter when so much of what I do is automated? I can say over and over that I'm not trying to lie, but I don't try to say anything that I do-I will occasionally slow down and try to think through what I'm saying but so rarely does this happen that even now as I type I have paused only *twice* to consciously edit or add things: once to count roughly how many people I consider a friend, twice to add the paragraphs about being a freak of freaks and my friends hating me. But if all that I do and say and think and want is just stream of consciousness, if none of it is planned, does the lying being unplanned make it any different? I don't know how many people I've really hurt, hurt in ways they will remember and impact them forever: I am sorry, I don't know what I can do to fix it, I want to but I just don't know how. Just writing that it sounds like it means nothing, apologizing to no one because I hate myself. I do hate myself, I try to think I've gotten through it but I fucking haven't, I need to stop lying to myself but I can't get a hold on what is true and real. I don't know if I'll ever feel real, if I'll ever feel like a genuine person: that's another lie, often enough I do, but deep down I fear that this question always lingers to rise from my stomach and grab my throat, that when I reflect on everything that's ever happened to me I will always have to ask Was I lying? Was I making it up? Was this really how I felt? Did this even happen? And I don't think I'll ever know, I don't think life can be proven to you and even if it can be I don't know how to prove it.

So welcome to the beginning and end of my blog! I plan on posting more, probably mostly how I feel, I figure once I write those out these will be the endpoint. I don't want to delete any of this I think, even if I come to hate it later I want to look back and understand the times where I felt truly honest with myself. The times where, and say it with me folks, I was a mythomaniac-freak!