#they are quite literally my responsibility and if something happened to them bc i wasnt paying attention id drown in the guilt.

[yurischolar]

Genuinely baffled that people in the replies are acting like because family is more likely to abuse a child that suddenly strangers on the Internet are. NOT likely to do the same?? Like I'm not a parent or a cyber security specialist so I can only speak for myself but I've experienced both ends of it. Like I had both unfettered access to the Internet and also a mother demanding passwords to my tech and guilting me for not sharing it - I can see why some people may need unmonitored access to the Internet to save themselves but I am not putting my future child in harms way bc of the crimes of other ppl.

[staraxiaa]

shutter-click, the afterword:

author's corner/first thoughts.

firstly, to those of you who know what it's like, and those of you who don't, i hope i did these themes justice. i'm not sure if this is an entirely accurate representation - i tried to take some of my own experiences and exaggerate it into what fit for my vision of the story. i apologize if i have trivialized any aspect of it. also there is like. negative actual romance like the tension is not there bc i imagine them to be pure balls of sweetness and fluff and like. it will probably happen? but like 5 years down the line. i called this story shutter-click partially after the sound of a camera, and partially because when i think of pictures now, i think of the importance of the memories present in them. it could be the ugliest picture you have ever seen, and yet it still means something to someone, because it reminds them of something they might have forgotten once upon a time. that's also why the reader names the first collection shutter-click - in part in reference to the title, but also the importance of these 'pictures' that are carried on throughout life. i.e. nanny's grin, the first person to ever believe in them, which also helps them overcome a great many barriers. ngl i didnt think about the rest of the art. maybe the rest should also be smile-inspired. but i am not going to call it the smile collection. this was also in no way sunflower caliber LOL sorry. genuinely have no clue i feel like the pacing was really fast. too fast. shouldve probably spent more time with the growth era. i will very likely revisit a similar concept eventually ok now that that's over - rant time. this was the brainchild of a discarded mc concept for another of my works. i couldn't quite get her character to fit with my vision, and then this was born. i wrote all of this in a day. i said i would take a break. well, i didn't. lowkey a hiatus time now <3 sorry. really wanted to get more work done on porcelain but then i was like WHAT IF and then i thought of a kiri fic. and then u know what i realized? mc is literally just katsuki like. i am in despair like now i really want to make porcelain a coming of age fic too. discovering oneself, forging yourself anew. what if it was a whole collection. oh my god. please send me some katsuki asks so i can brainrot over him instead (please) mentally i feel like the clown meme music and a thousand bouncing balls in my brain all at once. i have been listening to the same song for seven hours. this was also partially inspired off the prompt 'tragedy of a spare heir' but really reader is neither a spare nor a heir so ? ? ? dunno man i wasnt lying when i said i was tired seriously though, thank you to everyone who commented + liked shared my first work. i genuinely never expected to receive such a positive response, and i hope that this one is up to the same caliber. i still think im a god btw im genuinely on 4 hours of sleep and just churned out like. 10k? in less than 12 hours HAHAHA #if i don't laugh i am going to cry #i want to carve my brain out and examine it. these last few hours were such a blur but it's over. i feel both defeated and glorious at the same time. this was also significantly harder to write than sunflowers. that one was so nice. so easy. i miss it. im never hitting that peak again i think seriously though i think it's temp hiatus time i am emptied of thought will continue updating as i think of things i guess

unwritten scenes, headcanons, more ramble? no clue

i'm not sure if social anxiety disorder/selective mutism is necessarily something you are born with. i am aware that you can develop it as the results of past traumas, but in this case, there is very little explanation about that - it's left unexplained in the fic. could both be from hatred of cameras (ik i hate having photos taken of me lol), but again, a lot of this is entirely exaggerated and fictional. sorry. the nanny was supposed to die, but i am tired. so tired. i did not want to write an angst scene that had no relevance to the happiness of the plot. so now u guys just have the most tooth rotting fluff i have ever written in existence. she doesn't appear again in a lot of the later scenes, did i write her in alive? if i did: she actually lives forever. literally immortal idgaf more about the nanny: i imagined someone who also had difficulties in communication, and i hope that translated in the way her speech was very often broken? idk if that was accurate i wrote all of her dialogue at 3am and passed out right after. probably definitely isn't in japanese. my english was not englishing at this time. i hope it was made clear in the fic: everything that the reader that thought about herself and her relationships was wrong, with regards to the parents/sister. idk if this is accurate, but in my mind, and from my experience, my social anxiety at least is that i overthought a lot of things, misinterpreted a lot as well. soooo actually guys you DO have a loving family! i am saving the trauma for porcelain! honestly, i thought about this fic, and when i think of midoriya i just think of pure innocence lol. does it reflect ? similarly to sunflowers, the themes were childhood friendship and growth. i once again skip out on my proper kiss scene bc i think it would suit them even less than the ones in that one. but at least she kissed him on the cheek. it felt pretty ooc to me though so i think she shouldve just hugged him. at least there is also that the thing is though: you're the one to do everything first. he's really hesitant, because he still remembers you as you were, before you were out of your shell. he doesn't want to push you, overwhelm you in any way. you definitely have to be the one to initiate everything -> i just didnt think the hug + cheek kiss together was in character for me but whatever i wrote it i hope u enjoy you kiss him and hes an absolute fucking dorky mess . but honestly this is like every step in the relationship originally, the all might figurine you gift him was supposed to be a birthday present in return for the camera. this is just a fun fact. also i know both of the characters were both supposed to be insanely socially anxious but that would never have worked out so i took some liberties with it/midoriya's character. hope it still makes sense? also hope that his ramble was in-line with canon oh yeah there was supposed to be a side plot with the dead brother. i cannot tell you what it was, seeing as how i do not remember. probably some form of traumatic thing i removed from porcelain reader doesn't have a described quirk cause i am on negative brain juice and couldn't think. you can imagine that it is something art related if you'd like. but i didnt wanna yap more so.

[nikrangdan]

lovestruck!enhypen x reader

pairing: lovestruck!enhypen x reader

genre: FLUFF fluff Fluff

description: how enhypen would be if they became lovestruck by the reader ☹️☹️ this is such an adorable request!!!! itll vary for each member ur relationships so you’ll either be strangers or already dating etc.

a/n: idk if all of them are lovestruck exactly bc i just got carried away with the fluff for some of them and idky maknae line revolves around sleeping BUT IDC sleepy!enhypen is the best 😁

———————

HEESEUNG

u worked at a pretty popular clothing store

and well well well heeseung had shown up dressed very much your style so u were like

Wow who is this guy....

he was alone just looking around

and there were like 10 other people in the store but u wanted to talk to him so bad so u went up like

“hi, welcome! are u finding everything okay?”

he was looking through a rack of shirts and turned around when he heard u but WOW

when this man turned around he looked even better in person u couldnt believe it 😫

BUT IT SEEMS HE FELT THE SAME BC U SWEAR HE BECAME SO FLUSTERED WHEN HE TURNED AROUND

his eyes got so wide u almost laughed it was so cute ☹️

he stuttered and was like “oh um im okay”

Aw man

but u said “okay then! let me know if you need any help finding anything or if u wanna use a dressing room!” and u sent him ur nicest smile u could give

his eyes were still kinda wide open and u gave him one last look before turning around😢😢

BUT THEN HE SAID SOMETHING

“w-wait! actually.. um....uh.. do u.. do u guys have sweatpants..?”

u giggled to urself on the inside bc u knew he just made that up on the spot

“we do! here, follow me”

while u were showing him the clothes u guys had exchanged names and had some small talk

and that was the start of something very Beautiful

and since then he has been coming almost everyday to visit u at work 🤗🤗

JAY

jay swore he found new things about u to love every single day

and today wasnt an exception!!!!

u knew jay had been really tired and just worn out from work recently so u had decided to make him his favorite meal for dinner

a nice little surprise for when he got home ❤️

and also the anime he was watching ready on the tv for u two to watch together :(

u had literally been preparing all day and u even decided to go out and buy dessert too

AWESOMEST PERSON EVER U ARE!

it was 8pm already and jay should be getting home now

u set the table all neatly and put on one of his sweaters

AND WOULD U LOOK AT THAT HE GOT HOME AS SOON AS U WERE DONE

Fate 🔥🔥

romantic stuff like this wasnt really ur forte so this was out of the normal for u

but u wanted to do something for jay because he did stuff like this for u alot

the table isnt in view when u walk into the apartment so he wasnt able to see his dinner yet

“hi” you smile brightly and go up to hug him and give him a little kiss

he had his bad slung over one of his shoulders and he was taking his shoes off in the doorway after he closed it

“hey.. it smells pretty good in here” he gave you a tired smile while one of his arms was wrapped around your waist

“really? it smells normal to me” you giggled before walking to the kitchen area together

he stopped and looked at u with LITERAL HEARTS IN HIS EYES when he saw the table

jay: ❤️_❤️

“y/n..”

“surprise!!! you know im not good with words but i wanted to show you that i can cook” you laugh “and that i love you very much and im so proud of you”

jay doesnt say anything but instead drops his bag on the couch and gives u the Biggest Hug Ever

ur face is practically smushed in his chest and his hand is resting lovingly on ur hair :(((

he loves u so much im so sad

JAKE

“layla!!! layla where are you?” jake was yelling quite loudly in the massive park he was in the middle of

yeah jake lost layla.. uh oh

quite a coincidence you found the cutest dog you’d ever laid eyes on

and she seemed to love u very much

the dog had made u topple over and now she was excitedly playing with you while you were sat on the ground laughing to your hearts content

after a minute of playing you had got up because you knew she was somebodys lost dog and her owner was probably looking all over the park for her

“okay.. lets go find your owner before they have a heart attack” you giggle

just as you said that though, you heard a boys voice yell “LAYLA!!!!”

the dog next to you looked in his direction, tail wagging and tongue out, but she didnt move an inch from her spot next to you

it made me you laugh out loud

as you were watching the boy run up to you, you noticed how cute he actually was

Omg..... ur heart started beating a little faster

“hi..” the boy hunched over with his hands on his knees breathing very heavily “you have my dog”

“uh yeah” you laugh “sorry about that, she ran over to me a couple minutes ago and i was just about to go find her owner”

“its okay, thank you..” he trailed off to find out your name and finally looked up to meet your eyes

“y/n” you told him

“y/n” he repeated with a small grin on his face “im jake”

“hi jake” you lightheartedly give him your hand to shake and he chuckles before taking the offer

“and it was nice meeting you layla” you crouch down to meet her level and she licks your face making you fall on your butt

you laugh and jakes quick to help you up

“layla! thats not very nice” he jokingly scolds her and pets her head

after u got up u bid goodbye to the two before jake invited u to continue walking around the park AND HE EVEN BOUGHT U AN ICE CREAM

Is This A Date, Jake? 😫😫❤️❤️❤️❤️😳😛😛

SUNGHOON

“you should be more careful” you scold the boy sitting with you standing between his legs

sunghoon had apparently gotten elbowed in the face by his friend and scratched by his friends cat on accident????

“it wasn’t my fault! he turned around and i just happened to be in the way. and i didnt even do anything to the cat!” he whined

“i didnt say it was your fault. i said to be more careful.” you tried to sound stern

u knew ur logic was making no sense but u just thought it was so fun to mess with him

he let out a sigh and gave up, slouching over again

you were stood between his legs, wiping the blood away and applying ointment

“im just kidding, you’re so cute” one of your free hands comes up to rub his hair

a small grin pops up on his face and his arms come to rest on your waist

he looks up at you while you focus on tending to his wounds

and u guessed it WITH LITERAL HEARTS IN HIS EYES

❤️_❤️

“you know y/n” he begins

you hum in response, letting him know you’re listening

“im gonna marry you one day”

you freeze in your place

it took you a minute to collect yourself because you felt like your heart almost leaped out of your chest

“who says?” you joke

he leans up to give you a quick kiss on the lips before sitting back down

“me.”

SUNOO

you noticed sunoo had been really tired lately and u just wanted to make him feel better :((

the boys were going out and invited you two obviously but you could tell sunoo was iffy about going

“uhh..” you trail off and look over at sunoo who was laying on the couch

“you know what guys? i think me and sunoo are gonna stay home today.. you guys have fun though!” you bid goodbye to the other boys and they all understood and left

you dont even know if sunoo knew they had left already because when you walked over to him his tired eyes were glued on the tv

“hey” you leaned against the couch and looked down at him

“y/n? are we going soon?” his eyes move to the top of his head to look up at you

you start laughing and he literally goes 🤨???

“silly, they already left! so what do you wanna do?” you plop down next to him and he was in the process of sitting up

“what? when did they leave...” his mouth drops open

“like 2 minutes ago” you giggle, leaning back to rest your head

sunoo had sat still, pondering for a moment

“why did they leave us?” he turned to look at you

your eyes met his “well i figured you didnt wanna go... you didnt, right?”

he slowly shakes his head “how did you know?”

you give him a sneaky smile and jokingly push his arm “because i know you so well”

he laughs at this and leans his head on your shoulder

“wow y/n.. im impressed” he grins, snuggling into your arm

your other arm crosses over to pat him on the head, leaning your head to rest on top of his

“but thank you y/n..” his eyes slowly close to rest “im thankful for all the little things you notice about me”

u literally go 🥺

your hand goes down to squeeze his and he falls asleep peacefully on ur shoulder ☹️☹️☹️❤️

JUNGWON

“y/n..what is that” jungwons eyes can barely open as he tries to comprehend whats going on while hes waking up

you haphazardly tap around the bedside table trying to turn off the new alarm you set last night

and that new alarm was jungwon singing 🤗

“its you, dummy” your eyes were still closed but you turned to face jungwon and snuggled closer to him

“wha- where did you even get that???” he was almost fully awake now, staring down at your half asleep figure

you yawned before answering in your i-just-woke-up-and-i-should-probably-drink-some-water voice “remember when you sang me to sleep last week? yeah i was secretly recording you. no biggie” you pat his chest twice and leave your hand there, content with life at the moment Lol

“y/nnnn” he whines “change ittt i dont like it”

“you’re kidding.” you deadpan, shocked he would say such a thing!!! “jungwon you sound like an angel threw up on a field of flowers full of puppies and kittens! okay thats kinda weird maybe not that”

jungwon giggles a little and sits up so he can sit against the headboard while your head rests on his lap

“you like my singing that much?” you can hear the smile in his voice as he asks you

you finally pop one eye open to look up at him, a goofy grin in your face

“i love your singing”

his hands run through your hair and you let out a sigh at the feeling

jungwon doesnt say anything

all he does is admire you

you can feel his eyes on you so you open your eyes again (both this time🙏🏼) and meet his eyes

“i can feel you staring straight into the depths of my soul, jungwon”

he laughs at this, bring his other hand up to pinch your cheek

“i’ll sing for you whenever you want me to y/n”

NI-KI

“shut up sunghoon, hes sleeping” you whisper-scolded the boy

ni-ki was currently asleep on you

literally SPRAWLED all over your body and you were basically mummified

by nishimura riki

his legs were tangled in yours, his head shoved into your neck, and his arms were bent around you in ways you didnt know were humanly possible

“you literally have an alien taking a nap on you y/n” sunghoon deadpans before walking out the room

“when you’re asleep sunghoon i will send you into a spacecraft for the rest of your life so you can go see aliens for yourself”

“wowww im so scared y/n” the boy remarks and shuts the door

you half laugh and half scoff before turning your attention back to the ipad screen sitting on the bed infront of you

well

kind of infront of you because ni-ki’s acrobatic position was basically blocking the view

you were having a decent time watching the show playing, definitely not the most comfortable person on the planet at the moment

until you felt the body on top of you.. rumble?

you knew that feeling

ni-ki was laughing

HOW and WHY the hell was he laughing ?!!?!!?!

“what the hell?” you look down at him and his face is shoved near your shoulder but you caught a glimpse of his big smile

his laughter gets louder and you still dont have answers yet

“why are you laughing???? i thought you were sleeping?????” you try to push him off you but he was persistent in laughing in your shoulder (??)

after a couple minutes of you just letting this happen

ni-ki finally speaks!

“you’re so funny y/n” he finally pulls away from you and wipes his tears

“what are you even talking about... and how long were you awake, you sneaky kid” you poke his chest

he leans down again to hug your waist and start cuddling you again

“10 minutes”

“so you’re telling me i could’ve freed myself from that god awful demon EMBRACE you had me in 10 minutes ago???!!”

ni-ki starts laughing again and looks up at you

“thank you for threatening to send sunghoon to aliens for me y/n” he grins

you laugh, finally understanding what the boy had been going on about

“sunghoon deserved it”

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh IWA ROUTE

a/n: uwuwuwuwuwu my mans iwa chan :’)

IM A SIMP FOR IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER

uwu filo!iwa in this :)

and also, listen to lauv while reading this since i wrote this and that song was playing on repeat O_O and also this song

this is my self-request uwu

HES SUCH A POUTY BABIE BLS LOVE ON HIM

onwards we goooo

hihihihihihi yey im so excited for this yall dont even know

ANYWAYS

so,,,,

when iwa first saw you, he thought you were just a cute little thing

your shorter height, your puffy cheeks, and the wide eyes you had whenever you saw someone, or him, do a really cool spiking move

he initially thought of you as a cute little sister hes never had

ehehe that finna change

then the,,,, bullying thing happened

if youd like to read this part, its right here

when he saw you bloodied, all battered,

dear lordie he was finna break some ankles

ONG I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT SANGWOO YET HERE I AM

like that image of you will probably stay in his memory until he dies of the ripe age of 200

ngl it kinda traumatized him a little bit of how tired and pained you look with the tears rolling down your face and the blood that was escaping your body through your wounds

god you didnt deserve any of that

you deserved the world and the universe yet some people dared to take away your worth

ooo he was so mad

miyo was,,,, hurt??

can i say that??

i dont wanna,,,, explain bara arms iwa hurting a girl so youre gonna have to imagine that for yourselves

but at the end when they said slap, he didnt just ✨S L A P ✨ her

he ✨ B R O K E   S O M E   A N K L E S ✨

oiks is actually scared of him after that

like oiks had to peel him off of her and towards the infirmary where you and the team were

‘IWAIZUMI HAJIME, STOP!’

oof the first and last time oikawa tooru ever said that full name

he was breathing heavy and he was so ✨ A N G R Y ✨ with what she did to you yet he hears your soft scoldings, telling him off for hurting a girl

he wanted to see you

like right now

iwa tore himself from oikawa’s grasp and ✨ N Y O O M E D ✨ himself to the nurse’s office

there, you sat on the bed with the others scattered either on other beds or on the floor 

you smiled at the sight of him and he walked towards you and engulfed you in his arms

‘youre okay now. im here’

he whispered and you buried your face into his chest, breathing in his unique scent

lavender mixed with peppermint

he refused to leave your side so he ✨ M A D E ✨ some room on the bed beside you to sit and he wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you close

you held his hand while oikawa talked to you and as you shamefully bowed your head

but you were forgiven and everything was all good until the third years really got into plan

makki and mattsun promised to handle it all as they had family in the justice field while oikawa would go and get the girl suspended

‘but what about me?! i want-’

‘iwaizumi, you literally hit her. it’d be best if you’re not involved right now as you were the only one who physically touched her in a harmful manner like that’

ong when it come to y/n, the meme team is replaced by the assassin team

he tried to fight but in the end, 3 overpowered 1 and he was forced to sit back and opted to comfort you instead

he made sure you were safe to walk home but that day, you were the one who asked him to spend time with him

just you two

like after seeing him seethingly enter back into the room, you reached out and held his hand in yours, eyes trained on your fingers fiddling with his

‘iwa-san,,,, you said you downloaded the new godzilla movie?’

you whispered but he could still hear you and his heart swelled at your meek voice

‘yea, i did. and my mom bought those chips you like’

your eyes flitted up to meet his eyes and a soft smile spread on your lips and there was this thumping in his heart

maybe that was the first time that iwaizumi hajime felt differently towards you

a smile that seemed to be differently perceived than the rest

and it wasnt for the whole team

it was for him

and him alone

the trek to his house was quiet but you would hum nursery rhymes or the songs you heard earlier in the radio while skipping every few steps and tightly holding on to his hand

iwaizumi’s olive eyes watched you still radiate energy despite being so hurt for a long time

they then trailed to your linked hands and he unintentionally squeezed it, only figuring out he did it when you looked up to him and squeezed it back with a smile

he wanted to do something to make you forget of what happened

he didnt want you to think about the cruelty and pain so he was going to make sure you would continue smiling 

thankfully, his parents werent home so he wouldnt have to explain why he has a bandage-covered girl with him 

iwa led you upstairs to where his room was and your eyes widened when you saw what was inside

tiny action figurines of animes like bakugo from boku no hero academia or a tiny pikachu on his desk

there was a large country flag that you didnt recognize and a few godzilla posters and volleyball players decorating beside it

however, besides those normal things you wouldve expected,

there were many polaroids

polaroid pictures that were everywhere with no specific layout pattern and just placed anywhere that had room

iwa watched as you dazedly walked forward and entered the room to move towards the wall by his desk that had the most pictures against it

from pictures of him and oikawa to the third years to him and his parents or just the sunrise and human silhouettes

your fingers reached forward and traced the picture of him and the third years when they were still first years and took a spontaneous trip to the beach

‘mattsun stole his dad’s car and drove us to the beach without a license’

iwaizumi’s voice answered your questions and you looked back, shimmering eyes

this room,,, wasnt just a normal, teenage boy’s room

this was a room that represented iwaizumi hajime

from his natural character description like his love for volleyball evident in the volleyball player posters to the underneath description that was hidden like his love for godzilla and his love of taking pictures of the people he cares about the most

it was all that made up iwaizumi hajime

your feet took you to stand in front of him, still standing at the doorway, and you stood on your toes to try and be eye-level with him

‘youre really cool, iwa-san’

you whispered and his ears turned red, not from the compliment, but by the close distance between you two

iwa clearedhis throat and ruffled your hair roughly, pushing you down slightly back to the balls of your feet

‘i already knew that, brat. now go and sit over there and be comfortable or whatever while i go get the food’

he hurriedly turned to hide his growing red face but you stopped him

‘iwa-san,,, ano,,, can,, i borrow a hoodie?’

you mumbled, nervously thinking he might refuse 

but he grunted a response, not bothering to turn around

‘take your pick’

you smiled and thanked him before bounding over to the wardrobe that was pushed against the wall across his bed that was against the corner by his window

inside had so many hoodies and there were also shirts that were hung up on the other half

they were all graphic tees that either had american bands or anime or game references

opting for a mint green hoodie that says ‘SONIC NYOOM’, you had an undershirt under your button up and as you slipped the bloodied long sleeve off, he swung the door open, eyes focused on the tray of coke filled glasses

then he looked up and almost dropped it at the sight of you,,, like that

‘OH MY GOD SORRY’

he shrieked and carefully but hurriedly backtracked back to the hallway

ofc you were shocked too but you quickly put the hoodie on and went to get him

iwaizumi’s heart was hammering in his chest and he was VERY red with embarrassment 

how could he see you like that?!

a girl who wasnt his shouldnt be seen like that by his eyes!

a touch on his arm reminded him of his position and he was still holding the tray but it was clear from the liquid in the cups that he was shaking slightly

‘iwa-san, its okay. i still had a shirt on so dont misunderstand’

you reasoned and he nodded, still not looking at you

the beginning of the movie was quite awkward as you both were sitting next to each other on the floor, backs against his mattress while the laptop played godzilla in front of yall

but it seems it was just him who was feeling this way bc you were intrigued at this weird monster that was squshing building under its foot and you continued munching on the food

iwa stood up and coughed

‘im going to take a shower’

you paused it and stared up at him, a chip halfway in your mouth

‘oh? you want me to wait for you?’

he agressively shook his head

‘no! its okay i watched it already. just,,,, watch it’

at the end, his words came out jumbled in his hurry to go and calm his heart down

you shrugged and unpaused the movie to continue watching

iwa spent his time in the shower, thinking and trying to think of stupid thoughts like the time oikawa almost choked on a peanut when they were in middle school to distract him of thoughts of how adorable you were

ONG HE WAS JUST SHOWERING AND INNOCENTLY DOING SHOWER THINGS

‘no, i said she was like a sister to me. and a sister she’ll remain’

okay ngl even though theyre not related, im worried yall would be like ‘iNcESt’ but bls a lot of people have tried to sibling-zoned people yet realized they liked them in THAT way

as he wrapped himself with a towel, he then realized

oh my god he didnt bring clothes

LMAO NOOOO IWAAAAA

iwa frantically looked around and he saw his mother’s sakura themed robe and he paused, arguing silently with him if he should wear it

well, it was either that or he went back into the room and showed you,,,,,, this

sucking in a sharp breath, he kept the towel around his waist and slipped his arms through the tight arm holes and he awkwardly tried to keep it tied since he was so much bigger than his tiny mom

what is happening

you saw the door opening and excitedly turned to tell him about this one scene when your voice died down in your throat at the sight of him 

here was iwaizumi hajime, ultra muscle buff man who gets abs with a simple glance of the gym, wearing an all too-tight pink, cherry blossom print robe that was so tight the tie around it was shaking to keep it together

‘dont’

he whispered and that snapped your remaining surprise to double over in laughter

‘its so cute! iwa-san, youre so cute!’

you shrieked and he growled and hurriedly went to to grab grey sweatpants and a shirt before running straight back to the bathroom

when he finally came back out, his face was still red and he was pouting as he sat next to you back to his seat

he could feel you staring at him while looking constipated as you held your laugh in and the second your eyes met, your giggles fell out

iwa rolled his eyes

‘yes yes let it out’

‘hehe, iwa-san, i didnt know you had that style’

‘it isnt! i didnt want to walk in here practically naked with you in the room!’

he growled and you nodded, still not quite believing it

‘hai hai. just say you like pink, i wont tell’

you waved and iwa felt offended

‘what do you mean ‘hai hai’?! its really not!’

your lips pursed to keep more giggles in and iwa growled again before lunging to grab your sides and tickling you 

of course being careful to not touch your wounds

you shrieked at the ticklish feeling and iwa laughed as you made weak attempts to push him off

‘huh? what was that? whatd you say? cant talk anymore, can ya?’

he teased

‘NO!!!! IWA-SAAAAN!!!!!’

you shouted in between your laughter and he finally let up when you squealed out your apologies and promised to never say it again

you breathed air into your lungs and sat back up to recollect yourselves 

iwa saw the strands that escaped your bun and they were scattered everywhere looking messy with your flushed cheeks and teary eyes

oh my god you were beautiful

he was so happy that you still kept that smile despite what happened and he was going to fight to keep it there

forever

it was about nearly the end when you finally realized how different iwaizumi’s hair looked

‘oi, iwa-san, your hair is not naturally spiky?’

he continued eating the chips while still watching the movie

‘what would you expect? even shittykawa’s hair is like this. did ya know that he wakes up extra early to curl it into that shitty mess?’

your jaw dropped

‘EEEHHHH???!!!!!!!’

later, you asked him how he does his hair for school and he blindly reached for the gel that was resting on his desk before tossing it to you

‘here’

you looked at it and flickered over to his hair and then you had the greatest realization

‘GODZILLA-SAMA!’

you pointed and he stopped eating, turning to give you a confused look

‘ha?’

you shrieked in an another round of laughter

‘IWA-SAN LIKES GODZILLA-SAMA SO MUCH HE DOES HIS HAIR AFTER HIM!!!!’

you doubled over to the floor, clutching your stomach and iwaizumi’s flustered expression made you laugh harder

he knew you were smart but,,, not this smart

you figured out his secret

the secret he’s hidden since he was practically a toddler

even his best friend, the guy hes known since he was born, never made the connection

yet here you are, figuring it out not even a year of knowing him

was this part of the many reasons he,, felt his heart beat for you?

oikawa was relieved that you had the bright twinkle in your eyes the next time he saw you and you were actively talking to iwaizumi in that early morning practice

‘oh? y/n-chan, is iwa-chan your best friend now?’

he tried not to sound jealous for his own best friend’s closeness to you and he added a teasing smile for extra measure

okay that hurted me a bit

iwaizumi snarled and blasted the volleyball towards his face before he could even yell or shout

‘iwa-san, dont do that’

you chided softly, small hands wrapping around his muscly arm

but iwa patted your head

‘deserving people deserve things to happen to them’

you rolled your eyes but smiled at him

‘hai hai’

the next week, iwa still kept a close eye on you in case someone else decided to mess with you 

but you told him that you swear youd tell him if someone did and he trusts you so he backed off a little

one day, he was eating lunch with the other third years in their classroom when you busted through the door, excitedly holding your phone

‘iwa-san! i figured out what country your flag was!’

he was halfway of shoving rice in his mouth when iwa looked at you

‘oh? you couldve just asked me though?’

you pouted and went to pull a chair from another desk to sit beside him

‘nooo. i wanted to work for that information. so you’re from the philippines, iwa-san?’

he nodded proudly

‘yep’

your eyes shone with interest

‘really?! you look japanese so it must be one of your parents. hey, iwa-san, which island are you from? i read about them and they have like 7641 islands-’

the others watched as you read through the article in your phone and iwa wasnt even following your words, instead staring at you with a dazed look and a lovesick smile

mattsun, makki, and oikawa exchanged looks of surprise because in all the years theyve known him especially oikawa, iwa was never interested in girls and such

he was a straight forward man with goals and straight sight to get them done with no distractions like relationships or love

yet here he was

slowly falling in love with you without even knowing he is

he continued to fall with the simplest things about you

from the perfume that you wore everyday to the way you would tuck your hair behind your ear when you were talking to someone

little quirks he used to miss was now being noticed even if you were right behind him and not in his line of vision

now, the boys were starting to see the difference of their precious ace

it was as if when he started to like you, they knew immediately by how he was acting

then one day during practice, you were late and they were all looking around for you and when they couldnt find you, they met back in the gym with nervous looks

iwa was already pacing around, a scary aura radiating off of him, and kindaichi, who went with him to look around the school, warned the others of iwaizumi’s worry

‘he was slamming doors open and he was walking so fast i had to run to even keep up with him’

then you busted through the gym door

you were actually picking up food for the team and sweets and you were held up when makki’s puffs were still being cooked

they rallied around you to make sure you werent hurt and you assured them but iwa pulled them away like picked them up and threw them off to the side and took you in his arms

iwa thought you were hurt and he was so worried something happened to you again

the hug was bone-crushing with how hard he was squeezing you but you felt his worry though and you freed your arms to wrap them around his neck

‘im okay, iwa-san’

you whispered in his ear and he nodded

‘let me hold you for a second’

he mumbled and you nodded

‘oi, theres food in the bags so make sure you eat it all. coach paid for it all so dont leave behind anything’

the mention of the food distracted them from you and iwa and they piled on top of each other to reach their food first

iwa was grateful that you distracted the others from seeing him being vulnerable towards you

‘i thought-’

‘shh,,, you have me right here, right now. safe and sound’

you knew how much seeing you all battered messed him up and his attempt of making you forget about it has been

and his worry of you being gone without no sign of where you went will forever be there and he will always have that thought in the back ofhis mind

the next time you came over, you actually met his parents

since you went home early before, you didnt catch his parents when they came home around 10 minutes after you left

but this time, they were already home with his mom cooking dinner while his father was sitting on the dining chair reading a newspaper

iwa walked through the door, shouting he was home, and you did the same thing to be customary

oof his parents were surprised

his mom turned around to share a look of surprise with her husband

sure they havent seen tooru in a while but they were pretty sure his voice wasnt that high pitched

right?

‘hajime, did you hit tooru so much you ruined his-’

then his mother stopped talking at the sight of you holding iwa’s hand tightly when yall stepped around the corner

you sheepishly smiled at them and bowed your head in greeting

oh my

so this was why iwaizumi hajime-san was really really really handsome

his parents were freaking good looking

like his mother was aphrodite with her flawless melanin skin and doe shaped eyes with a mole under her left eye

and his father was like ares, so handsome yet still manly and his appearance was a special type of good-looking with his buffness and ruffed appearance

‘iwa-san, i didnt know your parents were gods’

you mumbled, still staring at them

iwaizumi choked and coughed, flustered

‘oh my!’

his mother placed a hand over her mouth

‘hello’

his father stood up to walk in front of you and held his hand out

‘i’m hajime’s father’

you let go of hajime’s hand to shake his own with both of your hands

‘really nice to meet you! i’m l/n y/n! seijoh volleyball manager! first year!’

you introduced then stepped aside to fully bow 90 degrees

iwaizumi thought it was so cute of how flustered you were at meeting his parents

‘ay nako! nak, i didnt know you had such a beautiful girlfriend!’

she squealed and hurriedly went to stand in front of you and gently grasped your arms to stand you back straight and took a good look at you

‘youre so beautiful, iha. nice skin, pretty eyes, ang ganda!’

even with your research of tagalog, you didnt quite understand what she was saying

iwa noticed your slightly confused expression and he laughed, tucking his hands in his pockets

‘sorry, my nay speaks in taganese when she gets excited’

‘t-taganese?’

‘tagalog and japanese’

you nodded in understanding

it was time to put your basic reserach to test

‘hello po’

you greeted her and nervously took her hand and pressed the back of it to your forehead before slowly lowering it down and letting go

her wide eyes made you think you did something bad or even offensive!

‘i-i’

‘HAY NAKO, HAJIMEE~!’

she shrieked 

‘YUNG-!!! YUNG-!!!’

okay im terrified

iwa noticed his mother’s malfunction and gently wrapped his arm around her shoulder and veered her back to her kitchen

‘sorry about her, l/n-chan. its just,,,, hajime hasnt brought home a girl before. and you doing that mustve done it in for her’

you worriedly watched hajime calm his mom down with a smile and talking to her hushed

in their perspective,,,

‘shes so nice, nak! marry her, okay? shes very pretty and she made an effort to please your nanay, so go and marry her!’

ohmylord im nervous

initially, iwa only wanted to go and hang out with you and watch a movie

not have a full dinner with his family

lmao i shouldve told you that youve been friends for months now

his mother cooked sinigang and adobo and more filipino dishes, adding even more when she saw you were joining them

the dining table was covered with a large plate full of food and you were so fascinated because this was a side of iwa that you wanted to know more about

‘wow!’

you said, not thinking, at the deep-fried fish that still had its eyeballs intact

iwa genuinely thought you would’ve shyed away from it in disgust but your eyes were glistening with genuine interest

‘iwa-san! youre so lucky you get to eat this stuff!’

you told him, looking over at his direction

while mrs iwaizumi was lading in the soup into the big bowl, mr iwaizumi was sitting at the dining table, watching your interaction and hajime telling you what each food was and your noises of surprise

he watched his son laugh when you said the palabok reminded you of the orange boy hinata 

and he also watched his son look at you so lovestruck and exactly like how he looks at his wife

soon, his mother finished and they rounded the table before saying a quick prayer to bless the food and digging in

‘so, what do you want to start with, iha?’

mrs iwaizumi asked and your wide eyes looked around

‘hm, im not sure. whats your favorite iwa-san?’

you looked to your right towards hajime who was busy eating and stopped before pointing his lips towards a direction

‘that one’

‘hah?’

you asked 

mrs iwaizumi laughed at her son’s actions

‘sorry, l/n-chan, my son has adapted my traits. he was pointing to this, adobo. do you want some?’

‘yes please’

the smell made your mouth water and you started to tuck in

maybe it was your managerial instincts, but you used your napkin to wipe hajime’s lips and he was also used to this and turned his head to make it easier for you then he went to grab the water jug and re-fill your glass

once it was done, you both silently went back to eating

his parents watched his exchange and it was like watching a married couple taking care of each other

‘so, l/n-chan, you said you were their manager’

mr iwaizumi started and you nodded, wiping your lips

‘yes. i have been for a while now and please, call me y/n’

‘hajime actually told us he had a new manager for his team and tooru told us too. but we didnt know you were a girl. its just so interesting for hajime to bring you home as he has never really had any female friends’

mrs iwaizumi’s comment made you chuckle and iwa’s eyes widened in embarassment

‘nay! of course ive had female friends! ive had friends from all genders!’

he reasoned but you teasingly smiled at him

‘ah, im not really surprised. iwa-san doesnt exactly have the appearance that girls are brave enough to approach’

he sent you a betrayed glance

‘hah?! what’s that supposed to mean?!’

you shrugged, going back to your food

‘im just saying that you always have this intense look in your eyes and youre always frowning. but its cute so its fine. and besides, i dont think theyve seen you laugh since you dont really smile a lot, iwa-san’

‘but you’ve seen me smile!’

‘eung. but its only to me. if they knew the stuff i knew like you being a godzilla fan or your collection of succelents, theyd see you like oikawa-san’

‘HAH?! YOU SEE ME LIKE SHITTYKAWA?!’

mrs iwaizumi held her husband’s hand on the table as they watched you both bicker and tease each other with a smile

hajime has always been on the rougher side of things and he doesnt really have many close friends other than the team and even then, tooru is the only one he can really be himself around

yet here you are, bringing out the boy hajime really is and making him laugh, a sound his parents dont really hear outside the house

and your eyes

god, your eyes held admiration, life,,,, and you might not know this yet,, but love

her eyes trailed her son who teasingly headbutted you and you faking a surprise and doing the same

then you heard his father’s cough which brought you back to where you were and the situation and the people that were there

you felt embarrassment creeping up inside you and you bowed

‘im sorry for acting like that, iwaizumi-san. i-’

‘no, dont apologize, darling. please, dont’

her soft smile made the nerves in you ease and hajime’s father winked at him and he knew exactly what his father was trying to say

after dinner, you volunteered to wash the plates but they veered you away from there and towards the living room 

‘oh my god, pops! stop her!’

hajime whined because he knows what his mother was going to do

she was going to show him his baby pictures

you sat on the beige couch and watched as she reached under the coffee table and revealed a few albums that had iwaizumi hajime written on the cover

‘now, y/n-chan, hajime wasnt always this pouty. in fact, he used to always have a smile on his face and laughed at the littlest things! like right here! a leaf fell on him and he-’

stories of his childhood was exchanged throughout the night and you were laughing so hard that tears were falling out of your eyes while hajime wrapped your shoulders with his arm and he would squeeze you tightly whenever you made fun of him

‘oh dear! iwa-san! you-!’

you didnt finished as you continued to laugh and he sighed

‘nay, can we go eat dessert now?’

he asked his mother and she was beginning to feel sorry for him so she smiled and nodded

‘okay. hajime, come help me’

‘iwaizumi-san, i can-’

‘no, y/n-chan. dont you worry your pretty little head about anything and just look through more of these pictures’

hajime followed his mother to their kitchen before she stopped and turned around

his mother’s height was around 5′1 so she had to look up to meet his eyes and her hands were clasped around his biceps

she is definitely beautiful and he cursed at how little he got from his mother other than her skin color

mrs iwaizumi married her husband and immigrated to japan to have a family and your polite action from earlier moved her as she hasnt experienced that in nearly 2 decades

‘nay, shes,,,, just a friend’

he reasoned, a wobbly smile to cover up his want for that title to change

yet mothers def knows best and saw right through it

she gave him a firm look with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips

‘nak, dont lie to yourself. i raised you to never tell a lie and lying to yourself is considered lying to someone. she’s not your KAibigan, shes your kaIBIGan’

now, hajime knew a little bit of tagalog as his mother made sure he was able to at least speak to his relatives back home

so he got a hint of what she was saying yet was confused 

then he realized it

his blush creeped up his neck and he chuckled, ducking his head low to avoid his mother’s eyes

‘nak, listen to me. papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako. youre still growing and you may be confused right now, but make sure to think wisely and dont live with regrets. nanay doesnt want you to go through it all by yourself since she knows how hard it was. so please, listen to me and pursue her. shes special, hajime. she makes you so, so happy. i see it in your eyes, her eyes, god has fated you together. i feel it’

now if a filipino mother actually tells their son to go after a girl, thats a pretty big thing as its known that mothers are the hardest to convince and are fiercely protective of their sons, especially if its an only son, but mrs iwaizumi literally tells hajime to go court you because she sees how happy you make him and is willing to let hajime go to you 

definitely his mother’s words stuck to him and as he walked you home, he was busy thinking that he was quiet and you were worried as he would be talking right now

‘iwa-san? you okay?’

you asked and he blinked, taken back to reality from his daydream

‘hm, yea’

he answered to look at you

hes been pining for months now and he slipped his hand into yours, holding it tightly

uwu if you want to see iwa moments with y/n, read through the seijoh manager series as theres a lot of them in there

he wanted you yet, he knew it would be selfish of him to keep you in the future

he would be a college student while you’re in your 2nd year

would you want to be so far away from him?

could you handle it?

‘yanno, iwa-san, your dad told me something interesting’

you suddenly said, squeezing his hand and kicking rocks while looking up at the night sky

‘what was it? something embarrassing?’

he immediately feared that they told you that story when he was still potty training and he fell straight into the toilet 

‘hmm,,, no. he told me that he met your nanay when she was a high school student and he was a in an intern at your lolo’s company’

iwa listened and he had a smile at how you said the tagalog word for grandfather

‘he said she almost ran him over by her bike and she fled but they met again when she visited your lolo. through that, they became friends and then she confessed to him. apparently, he declined because she was younger than him, although just 3 years, and he was leaving for his own country in a few months so he didnt know if she would wait for him’

were,,,, you reading his mind?

iwa knew of his parents story yet with you telling it, it sounded a million times more interesting

‘yet she promised him. thats it, just a promise. that she would remain faithful to him, she would keep herself for him and when she finally graduates, she would go and find him and they could be happy together. he said it was the longest 3 years of his life yet when he saw in the airport, he felt like the wait was worth it. because he gets to hold the embodiment of happiness in his arms for the rest of his life’

you finished and he hummed

‘times have changed, y/n’

‘even you?’

you stopped walking and he naturally stopped too

‘would you wait for me like he did if i promised myself to you? if i promised you that despite the few years of waiting, i would still be yours and remain yours until we’re ready to be together?’

WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!

iwa’s heart was drumming in his chest and he wanted so desparately to look at you in the eyes but you were making that impossible as your head was bowed and your eyes were fixed on the concrete you both stood on

‘of course, i would’

your head snapped up and e/c clashed with olive eyes 

‘i would wait for you. we may,,, be young right now. and they might think we’re,,, being impulsive. but i dont care. because right now, all that matters, is you and me. we can think about the consequences later, but right now, i just want to kiss you’

he admitted, red ears seen by the moonlight

your body shook

‘do it, no balls’

well,,,, he has the balls

and under the moon, at 8:34 pm, iwaizumi hajime kissed you

OML THIS REMINDS ME OF THAT SEIJOH SHORT WHEN HE WAS TALKING TO OIKAWA AND HIS NEIGHBORS ARE LIKE ‘AH SHITE HERE WE GO AGAIN’

it didnt come as a surprise to the team when yall announced your relationship

well,, you both actually didnt tell them outright until like weeks later

what can you say?

you and iwa are very private people and you dont really like to show off in public

even though yall lit rally are stuck to the hip and he does things that he doesnt even think hes doing but he is totally doing

you were only caught by,,, guess who

mrs iwaizumi

it was weeks when she met up with mrs oikawa bc theyre totally best friends and thats why their sons are best friends

she told her of her son’s girlfriend and how sweet you were and how mrs oikawa should be jealous that her son doesnt have a girlfriend like that and the standards for oikawa’s future girlfriend was raised just by that teasing

oikawa literally came into after school practice after a phone call with his mother, fuming

you were talking to kindaichi and yahaba with iwa beside you, arm around your waist totally not obvious guys

and yall just saw an angry oikawa stomping towards yall

‘y/n-chan, iwa-chan, why the hell did my mom just call me and tell me that im not allowed to bring home a girl if she doesnt have h/c with s/c (skin color) and e/c and h/m (height measurement)?’

you shrugged

‘oikawa-san, i’ve never even met your mom before’

but iwa had a hunch

‘ahh,,,, my mom mustve been bragging to your mom. yanno how they are’

oikawa shot him a disbelieving look

‘IWA-CHAN! ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND AND I DONT! BUT ITS WORSE THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS AFFECTING MY FUTURE ONE!’

he ranted, completely unaware that he just outed your entire relationship to the team

tbh they werent even surprised

like they were all ‘damn now shes taken. but cant say i didnt see that coming’

they took it pretty well too

they know how iwa is and they literally respect this mans and if anything, out of the whole team, he is the best candidate for your boyfriend

dating iwa is totally normal and yall just have increased touches?? like i dont know how to explain like he’s constantly holding your hand or arm around your waist or shoulder etc

literally nothing changed

you still have dinners at his house and iwa also knows your family and all that

and the most important thing is,

he kept that promise

even when he was literally at the other side of the world,

he still remained yours and you kept your own promise and waited patiently for his return

OOOOO TIMESKIP IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER

a little girl with bouncing dark brown hair was giggling as she maneuvered herself around the tall people

a shout from her parents and little sister was only making her run faster until she crashed into the legs of the person she’s been looking for

his blue jersey was similar to hers and she raised her arms up with a bright smile

‘uncle!’

she yelled and he chuckled before hoisting her up to his arms

‘ah, reyna-chan, didnt mom and dad tell you to wait for them? look! tala-chan is crying because you left her’

she followed his finger to her little sister, who was in her father’s arms, crying and reaching out for her

‘nee-chan!’

she screeched

finally, her parents were there and you were scolding her for running off

‘reyna, just dont do that again’

you said and she nodded, pouting and holding her uncle’s thumb

‘thank you, tooru-san. i dont know what i would do if she got lost’

oikawa grinned then gently patted the hat-covered head of the newborn baby girl that was strapped to your chest

‘hehe, its okay, y/n-chan. after all! uncle is always there to save reyna-chan!’

she shrieked when he held her up and hajime shook his head in his antics

‘where’s the others? i saw them in the stands but-’

he was cut off when he heard the shouts and yells from the other side that could only belong to your boys

‘woooo!!!!’

kindaichi’s voice echoed through the place and mattsuhana were rushing to greet their goddaughters

tala shyly accepted the arms of mattsun while makki was squealing quietly when darna was holding his finger tightly as she slept

‘taka-san, wanna hold her? she’s easier to hold when she’s sleeping’

‘oh can i?’

his eyes held the stars as the 11-month-old raised her fist then lowered it back down, sleep still heavy on her

‘waaa~ darna-chan is growing really quickly’

kunimi whispered, peering over his senpai to look at the baby whos eyes kept fluttering

you chuckled while looking at oikawa and him playfully bouncing reyna

‘tooru-san, congratulations on your win. it seems you’ve beaten hajime this time’

you complimented and the brunette smiled brightly at you, adjusting the little girls in his arms

‘ei, y/n-chan, i’ll beat him next time, and next time and the next time!’

every time he said ‘next’ he gave his goddaughter a kiss on her cheek making her giggle

your husband was pouting at the reminder of japan’s loss and you reached over to wrap your arms around him causing hajime to turn his head away from you

‘aww, my 4th baby is sad now’

you cooed and cupped his face delicately on your hands making him sulk and whine

the others, watching the scene, continue to be surprised at this side of their captain that remains to only be caused by you

‘ugh, nearly a decade later and theyre still sappy’

yahaba gagged and watari slapped his back

‘let them be happy’

‘come on! im in the mood for spaghetti! you like spaghetti, tala-chan?’

‘eung!’

mattsun cheered with kindaichi and she raised her hands to share the same energy

once everyone was situated in a restaurant and ordered, small talks were shared around the table of the past

‘haha, spaghetti is how your baba found out about you, tala-chan’

yahaba’s comment made the walking group laugh at the memory of seeing the video you sent in the seijoh group chat

‘i wanted to be creative with my second child since my firstborn was revealed by this loudmouth’

oikawa winced at the indirect diss at him

‘y/n-chan! i was really excited to find out i was going to be an uncle!’

‘youre already an uncle, bakakawa!’

hajime has toned down the insults to keep it pg for the children

‘but-!’

they started to argue, the oldest daughter looking disinterested as she sees this happening or hearing it whenever her dad and uncle video chat

‘it took me forever to find a ‘prego’ pasta sauce in the grocery store like i dont know why. was there a shortage?’

you complained, remembering the frustration

your fellow first years snickered at you and kindaichi prodded fun at you

‘is that why you just outright told him you were pregnant the day you found out?’

you rolled your eyes and watched makki and mattsun and tala watch the youngest as she wiggled her fists in the air and was awake enough to babble ‘makki’ over and over again

that was her first word and although she is now able to say a few words, she still repeats her first word over and over again

‘we had a fight and it just came out so of course i didnt have time to prepare!’

you defended and hajime finished his antics with oikawa just as you said that

‘what-what was your words again? ‘i really want to push you off the roof right now but i want my baby to meet their bastard father first?’‘

you gasped at that regretful statement and punched him in the arm

‘hajime! stop!’

you whined and covered your face with the sleeves of your his hoodie

‘hehe, y/n, you should do that again’

kyotani teased and you glared at him

‘shut up kyotani’

eyebrows were raised

‘eh? are you more hormonal?’

‘do you realize you already have 3 daughters?’

‘iwaizumi-san really wants to have a volleyball team family’

‘at least wait a year and a half, you animals’

‘so,, like hes that good huh?’

hajime growled and leaned over to intimidate but you snarled and jumped on your feet, being held back by the arms by kindaichi and hajime to stop yourself from leaping across the table to kill yahaba

‘keep talking like shite and i’ll make sure none of you become the godfather of this baby’

okay what

one, did you just curse

and two, this baby?!

‘im big sister again?!’

reyna ruined the surprised silence and then chaos ensued

‘WHAT!’

‘BABY?!’

‘THIS BABY?!’

you just realized what you said and smirked at the chaos you created and sat back down, leaning on the back of the chair and smugly taking a sip of your water

‘oh the power i hold in my hands’

you teased and oikawa pointed at you

‘when! how long!’

you looked at hajime who was so shocked that his eyes glazed over and a passerby wouldve thought he was dead

‘apparently 3 months’

oikawa started counting and his eyes widened at that thought

‘you-! you stayed in argentina! in my house! my house-!’

‘yep. both of them created under your house’

what 

!!!!!

hajime fainted 

oikawa screamed

a/n: okay i admit i got a little too carried away with this one. i just love filo!iwa and this was mostly written in his pov bc cmon we all know we love iwa and fell in love w him the moment we saw him

[linopetal]

lily calla’s.

genre : mostly angst ( ? )

pairings : na jaemin x reader

warnings : mentions of underage drinking , cursing , like one mention of making out , cheating

word count : 1.8k

authors note : oh wow :O this fic is personal in a way 2 me bc its based off of something that happened to me - today in class i saw a sight and it brought up old feelings which inspired this fic. i hope you enjoy it <3 !

you vividly remember the first time you had met na jaemin. it was your first day in the first grade. you had been so nervous. you were often quite , not outgoing at all , you didnt know how to react when you walked into a classroom full of people. everyone had introduced themselves. but one person stuck out to you , na jaemin. you remember the smile plastered on his face when the bell rang for recess. you ran straight towards the monkey bars. when you looked right behind you , there he was. he slowly walked up towards you with a big welcoming smile on his face, “ hi im jaemin , nice to meet you “ he said. “ oh um im y/n “ you nervously spoke. that had been your first encounter with the black haired boy. and that had been the start of your blossoming love for him.

in the sixth grade , your mom took you to a halloween carnival. you vividly remember the purple and black witch costume your mom made you. you loved that costume. halloween was one of your favorite holidays and times of the year , you always loved trick or treating and getting candy. your mom had decided to take you to a near by carnival. as soon as you got there , you ran to find soonyoung , your best friend since kindergarten. “ y/n do you want to go play go fish ? “ , soonyoung asked you. “ of course “ , you responded. you remember your poor skills of attempting to throw the ping pong ball into the water. after 5 tries you finally decided to give up. but around that time , you saw in the corner if your eye jaemin walking up to you. you had felt butterflies overcrowd your heart. “ hey y/n , i beat i can win you one ! “ he said joyfully. and again you were so happy. you remember him winning you a goldfish. you decided to name it nana after him. you kept that goldfish for years.

in the tenth grade , you remember that you were finally planning to confess. after years of being in denial for how you felt , you finally accepted it was time to tell him. you were mistaken. you and jaemin were only mutual friends , never reaching passed that stage. you didnt talk consistently. so you were taken aback when he randomly walked up to you one day during lunch. you thought that maybe this could be a good time. he looked happy today , maybe you would not receive a bad response. again , you were mistaken. when he finally reached you , he said words that broke you just a little , “ hey y/n ! do you know what somin’s favorite flower is ? i heard you two were friends and i wanted to get her something for her birthday since i kind of like her “ , he said nervously , scratching his head. you gulped , completely overwhelmed with feelings. of course you were happen he liked someone. somin was always kind and funny. how could he not like her ? she was particularly perfect. in this moment , you felt far from even remotely decent. you sighed and looked up with a fake smile , “ of course ! she always told me how she loves lily calla’s ! “ , you said , attempting to try your best at acting fine. beauty....thats what they represent , somin was beautiful. you were decent. she offered more than you could ever. “ thank you y/n “ he smiled and walked off.

you remember how you dreaded the eleventh grade. that year was something you could never forget. jaemin and somin were known as the best couple there was in the school. in class , they always were hand in hand every second and you hated it. it had been so many years yet you still loved him. and how ? you dont even know. but during that school year , you had finally decided something.

you had noticed this boy in your algebra class. his name was lee donghyuck. he was always so funny. he made jokes that could make you laugh endlessly. one day you had decided to ask him out. you knew you werent over jaemin , but you also knew you never had a chance. so you told yourself “ fuck it “ and went for it.

it was an impulsive decision, did it matter to you tho ? no. you nervously walked up to donghyuck with your hands in your pocket as he was putting his books in his locker. “ what do you want y/n “ , he said smirking “ “ hm i was thinking about if you want to go out with me on friday night ? “ you tilted your head towards him , “ i guess so “ he said smiling , “ see you then at eight , pick me up “ you said.

those were all members because now its your senior year and you finally had a boyfriend , couldnt you be more happy ? truthfully , you werent as happy as you planned. you were not over jaemin. you didnt think you ever would be. you tried to fall for hyuck , it was just hard. jaemin had been your one sided first love. but you still tried to love hyuck.

there was a party hyucks friend jaehyun was throwing. he had asked you to come as his date. you were beyond excited since parties with donghyuck had become a usual thing. he had helped you branch out of your shell and get out and experience things more. you were grateful.

you had decided to bring him coffee this morning to discuss him letting you stay at his place friday night after the party. as you were walking up to him , you noticed the change in his mood. why had he been acting strange lately ? for the last week , every time he looked at you , he seemed so uncomfortable as if he didnt want to be around you. you chose to ignore it and let it be. “ hey i brought you coffee like you like it “ , you said smiling “ thanks “ he said shortly , you chose to think he wasnt having a good day. after a few minutes of dry responses from him , you got fed up and left for class , you hoped this week didnt suck.

wrong. friday came along and you felt unusually odd. soonyoung had messaged you about her coming over to get ready for the party with you. as soon as you heard the doorbell ring , you ran towards it. “ soonyoung hi come in “ , “ you look so good “ you said “ no you please “ you both laughed and headed to your room to get ready. “ hey soonyoung , im starting to feel like donghyuck doesnt like me anymore “ you said pouting , “ really , ive seen the way he has acted lately. i hope its just a short phase “ she said patting your shoulder , “ yea me too “ you said slightly smiling. “ you look so hot woah come on lets go “ she said.

arriving at the party , you went straight to find hyuck. you had asked a couple of people where he could have been yet you hot no replies. you decided to wait it out and hopefully he would show up later. you went to grab a drink for yourself when all of a sudden you ran into someone “ oh- oh wait im so sorry “ you said , “ oh no its fine “ the male said and i soon as you looked at him you noticed it was jaemin , “ oh hi jaemin “ “ hi “ he said while chuckling , “ have you seen donghyuck “ “ have you seen somin “ you both said in unison. laughing you both shook your heads no. he looked so beautiful , you thought. you looked so pretty , jaemin thought.

“ well im going to go look for donghyuck “ you waves bye and headed towards the upstairs. you thought maybe he went to use the bathroom. again , wrong. as you walked farther up the stairs , you noticed heavy breathing. at first you were concerned so you made your way to the room you heard it from. as soon as you cracked the door open , you were met with a sight you didnt think you would ever have to see. somin and hyuck in a heavy make out session. “ what the literal fuck “ you steadily said loudly as you opened the door. “ yn i swear its not what you - “ hyuck tried to say but someone cut you off. “ what’s happening here ? “ a male said. as you turned around jaemin was right behind you. “ jaemin - are you sure “ he softly pushed you aside and witnessed the sight for himself. “ what the hell somin ?! i did nothing to you and you pull this shit. “ he said angrily , “ its not my fault you are inlove with the fucking bitch behind you. i needed someone who could love me not you “ she spat out. “ w-what “ you said. “ jaemin you l-love me ? “ you eyes widened. you heart swelled. you didnt know what to feel so you just run outside with him running after you. “ yn wait please ! “ he scream , “ you waited so long ? jaemin why didnt you tell me earlier ? “ you said out of breathe , “ because we never talked , okay i didnt think you liked me back and i still dont think you do “ he said , “ jaemin ive been inlove with you for as long as i can remember. “ you said tearing up and walking towards him , “ r-really ? “ , you nodded hugging him “ yes jaemin , i love you “ he smiled back at you and kissed your forehead , “ i love you too , now come on let me take you home before you get so cold “ he said “ your too perfect na jaemin , too perfect “ you both smiled. “ oh and jaemin , lily calla’s were always my favorite “ you said softly smiling , “ yea ive always known “ . many things were wrong in this world. you and jaemins mere love for each other was not one of them.

[babysizedfics]

bee i. dont have the capacity to read back sjdhs i forgot to ask earlier but can u like summarize what happened? 🐝

oh boy oh boy okay okay here i go........ below the cute bc its long and also theres these warnings

tw: swearing (censored), arguments, cyberbullying

roman was in middlespace and put vee in baby jail (his beanbag chair that she is too weak to escape without help) - but later on he did post that he helped her up when she needed the bathroom and when she returned she crawled right back into it

vee went on the blog complaining about baby jail and claiming she was going to share family secrets until roman let her out. she shared that despite saying he doesnt like baby shows roman sometimes watched peppa pig with her and seems very interested in the show even when he denies it

vee claimed to be big and scary, which cowboy anon countered by saying she was a cute little baby. vee argued again that she was a grownup but cowboy anon countered that she can't possibly be a grownup if she's wearing a pullup

then vee playfully (while half regressed and not quite aware) argued that actually she wears pullups when she is big as well, so since she is wearing a pullup now that proves she is big and scary

cowboy anon quickly jumped onto that with "hahaha wait, you still have your little accidents when you're big? ... if you have a potty accident when you're a big scary kitty, do you still need your mama and papa to change your pullup for you? xD"

vee quickly realised her mistake and posted "m think i shard th wrong secet"

but cowboy anon kept going. vee replied to one of their asks with "cotton candy" - which is her and romans safeword they use when roman is teasing or tickling her, but she didnt realise that no one else would realise thats what that phrase means, so cowboy anon didnt realise that was her asking them to please stop teasing her bc it wasnt fun anymore

so cowboy anon said "cotton candy? is that how pink your little cheeks are right now? xD lol, it's a good thing you have your pullup when you're stuck in baby jail- even thought you're too itty bitty to get out all by yourself, you'll be safe if you have another little potty accident when you're stuck in there!"

at this point (off the blog) vee started crying and shaking, and roman noticed and asked what was wrong. when he saw what had happened he became incredibly angry, and its made wors by his middlespace because he cant control his emotions when he feels like a teenager:

"COTTON CANDY IS HER F*CKING SAFEWORD YOU A**HOLE!!"

"Are you kidding?!! NO she’s not f*cking okay, she’s crying because you were bullying her! I told you to not f*cking do that to her I told you!!!"

"You were literally LAUGHING at her for something she doesn’t have control over and she’s super insecure about! Why the f*ck do you think she’s never mentioned it before?! That was literally the worst, sh*ttiest thing you could do!"

"She’s terrified of you now, congratulations a**hole"

he also acted out against anons who were simply asking if vee was okay, but he tried to apologise through his rage. he said he was going to find patton to sort this all out

at first roman was telling patton what happened while logan and janus tried to calm vee down (yes, janus was visiting during this) but patton realised he couldnt be calm about this situation without his baby so him and logan swapped places - ro and logan deciding what action to take and janus and patton looking after a shaken vee

this is the first time janus learns about 1) the baby blog, 2) the fact that vee has accidents even when she's not regressed, and 3) the fact that vee was cyberbullied for months.

janus was infuristed to learn that someone would hurt vee like this, especially without him knowing, so he was driven to make his first post on the blog:

Hello, Janus here. He/him pronouns if you should, dare I say, perceive me.

You may have heard of me, you may not have. This will be the only time you will hear directly from me… or perhaps it won’t. Who’s to say.

Though I for one would like to say this: If any of you ever hurt my child again, there will be absolute bloody hell to pay. - 🐉

Since then it has mainly just been followers sending their support for vee.

another notable thing is patton told the cowboy anon to go and think about what theyve done (in true dad style lol) ans he said in response to a question about whether they had blocked cowboy anon:

That’s what Roman and Logan are discussing, kiddo. Vee has said she wants to think about it, but we’re debating whether this is a serious enough situation where she might not be able to make the decision for herself… I’m sure whatever we decide Logan will keep everyone informed! - 🐶

And..... that's all folks!

[yyxgin]

im so glad you had your first day!! how was it? did you get into a groove? make some work friends? i believe in you bestie 🥺💗

over the moon today. i took the jelly desert thingies (remember me telling you about the food runner who shared one w me?) n i told everyone if they want one to take some n i told the barman n he was like hmmm okay n then i said if he didn’t like lychee i had mango n he was like 😋😋 mango yum so i’m taking those tomorrow. me n two of the girls were giggling at his expense (he doesn’t know) bc he said to the girl ‘not to point out that i’m staring at your ass but you’ve got chocolate on your bum’ n i kept making sly comments for the rest of the evening. i carried some plates back to dishwash n i got some food up me on my boobies (🤢) n i went back to the girl n was like ‘okay girl tell me if there’s anything i haven’t got bc ben’ll point it out otherwise’ n we just laughed. i kept saying stuff like maybe you should just bend over n ask if there’s anything on your bum n she screeched 😂😭

my manager gave my friend a job. i was mildly annoyed bc out of all the new starters i genuinely think i was the only one who had a real interview. my friends mum dropped us off n i literally went to get changed n when i came back she was gone. she messaged me n said my manager just gave her the job. like thank goodness! but also sis what how comes?? she said she trusts me n my word so… also the area manager was there today n my manager isn’t supposed to be hiring anyone but the area manager asked her why she was hiring n asked if it was my friend n asked if she could work as good as me bc otherwise why was she hiring 😳 my supervisor told me this and said ‘don’t let her drag you down’ i was like 👍 yes bestie never!! like i love my friend but at the same time i do not want to be responsible for her every step of the way. in the nicest way possible, i did the first part, asking if my manager was hiring to help my friend out bc she hates her current job etc etc but the rest is down to her. like if she messes up, that’s on her. if it had been the other way around i wouldn’t expect anything different, you know? but i’ve always known when and where to draw the line. im good at standing my ground. speak to me like shit and it’ll come right back around, right?

one of the girls today said her table was quite rude/stand-offish to her n she was like ‘i really needed you there bc you would’ve put them in their place’ and i said afterwards ‘do you want me to have a word with them?’ deadly seriously n she panicked n was like no it’s okay!! unless they properly upset her it wasn’t to worry about. i can’t stand people who are rude unnecessarily to 1) cleaners 2) food servers (waiter/ess, dinner ladies, the likes) and 3) people who’s first language isn’t the one spoken widespread in the country they’re in (so if someone was rude to the lovely thai food runner bc there’s a language barrier i would actually fight them bc she’s literally the sweetest). i get so mad at people n now i feel weird. like i have all this energy inside me now waiting to be used bc i was not best pleased with the women who was rude to one of my girls >:( n now i just want to explode but i don’t have a reason? i need to release this energy soon. nobody has massively annoyed me recently though but i was ready to say something if they said anything to my girl.

goodness me!! also not the biggest fan of people who stay when we’re literally getting a delivery 😐 like, go home, fr. respectfully, leave the goddamn premises.

im so sorry i feel like ive mostly ranted today!! but yeah. my motherly instinct is kicking in… except ion have kids. noice. n e way!! ly bar 🥺🦋💗 ~ 🌻

aaah my first day was super weird. there was a lady ive never seen before bossing everyone around,,she had like the classic short haired tattooed smoking 40year old look and i was lowkey scared of her but apparently shes there only until tuesday ?? i think she is like,,the boss of the whole chain or something ?? idk. anyways my manager was nice, i was chipping clothes and then they like uhh forgot i was even there and they all went to leave so that was funny. the other coworkers there offered me a ride home but i declined bc my dad went to get me but that was cute <3 they seem nice but too old to be my work friends djsjks i am going again on monday so we'll see how that goes !!

DJSKSK THE BOY I WAS INTO DID THE SAME TO ME 😭😭 he was like "bar you have something on your butt" and i went "are you staring at my ass?" and he went all 👁👄👁 no.

I totally get why you were "mad" abt your friend getting that job so easily. I would feel like that too, like,,you worked hard to get that job and she just chimes in and gets it just like that ?? i felt like that when we were on our internship that I got for me and my friend (that wasnt even talking to me at that time bc she was annoyed by me lmao) and i was the one getting the hard work while she did nothing all day. like i had to write all the emails and do the paperwork so we could intern there in the first place and then she just chimes in and doesnt even do anything and just walks around the whole day and gets a good grade for nothing. djsjsk or maybe im just too dramatic. that might be the case too.

you are so protective i love that🥺you look like that kind of friend i'd trust with my whole life cjsjsk also i get why you feel like that bc i get that too😔 i even stood up for my classmate multiple times but now my whole class just hates me and i am the bad one so💔💔💔but im done talking abt it i had my fair share of mental breakdowns yesterday when the drama was happening (also the reason why im replying so late,,,sorry about that😔)

IM ALWAYS HERE WHEN U NEED TO RANT !!! I ranted in my reply too so sorry if im being annoying but you just gotta get it out some days. 😩 ily more hope u have a great day !! <3

[worstloki]

hi i have a prompt: the hulk smash isnt enough to free loki from the mind stone, thanos/the other die with the chitauri. loki is still under the stones influence but his boss is dead, and being enthralled to No One In Particular is stressing him out so the stone decides to make the avengers his New Boss™ (bc while the tesseract is his one true love, All Infinity Stones Are Friends Of Loki (AISAFOL)). the avengers are Very Confused by lokis sudden and inexplicable desire to please them.

(This post got quite long, so I’ve put a barrier to stop unwanting eyes from having the travesty take forever to scroll down. You’re welcome.)

He suspected there were only two beings currently in the vicinity to toss him around like a ragdoll, and the mean green fighting machine was definitely the one he would prefer.

When the Hulk grabbed hold of Loki’s ankle he was hopeful that the Other’s hold on him would break, after all, hadn't ‘cognitive recalibration’ broken Barton from its influence? He did not try using magic to soften the blows as he was hit against the ground. 

Loki felt the connection break, felt as the watcher’s eyes were pulled away and he could finally breathe without scrutiny. Which was fine, until he did a basic physiology check (to make sure he wasn’t hit too hard on the head) and found the mind stone still holding on to him. It was urging him to serve a commander he had no contact to and the irony of this was not wasted on Loki. The sceptre’s touch would soon fade. Probably.

He lay on the ground, savouring his victory: The Chitauri were mindless and would soon be easily defeated, the mind stone left near the portal to close, the fact that he would soon be back on Asgard, but most importantly, that Thanos was far far away from him. Loki would not be so easily captured again. 

When he tried to pull himself out of the ground, (and yes, there really was a body-shaped hole were he had been left which was honestly impressive even for himself) he found the Avengers standing over him. Show offs.

This was fine though. Thor would not leave his brother on Midgard and wouldn’t have any way to get back to Asgard since Loki was the one with knowledge on how to use it. He would likely stand trial and be sentenced to death. Which was also fine (he knew several loopholes that he could exploit to avoid a death sentence). 

Stark was the first to talk, “Alright you Ben Solo knockoff, get in the fancy handcuffs” he said. Perhaps not your best analogy, Loki was about to say when he felt his exhausted back straighten and found himself actually walking towards the man - something that he had in no way decided to do. 

The fact that he had followed the instructions calmly just left everyone else more confused, if all 6 Avengers tensing up was any indication. So, it appeared the sceptre’s touch would not, in fact, be fading soon. 

He felt himself hold his hands out for Tony to attach the handcuffs. They were Asgardian and would surely restrict his magic, which would definitely not be the best thing for him right now since he was trying to cut the Mind stone off. 

The handcuffs were put around his wrists and, feeling his magic start to suppress as they touched his wrist he jerked his hands back out. He told me get in the handcuffs, he smiled at the thought, but he did not specify for how long I would have to keep them there. 

He noticed after the Widow had caught onto his neck and slammed him to the ground that moving too fast would be seen as a sign of hostility, and was too busy figuring out how long he would survive on loop-holes before Earth’s heroes realised he was at their command, to resist being pinned to the ground. Thor placed Mjolnir strategically on Loki’s sleeve to keep him down - his sleeve, as if ripping through it wasn’t an option - the oaf either didn’t consider him a threat anymore (which was good) or hadn’t wanted to place it elsewhere and risk injuring Loki (which was also good), This amount of good luck was awfully suspicious.

“Why, brother?” Thor asked, as he stared down at Loki. Loki couldn’t exactly ignore the only thing he could see other than the ceiling and decided to give him an answer for the apparently sincere concern Thor had on his face.

“Because, Thor, I would rather he at least took me out to dinner first-” 

Loki couldn’t see them but he knew at least Tony and Romanov would find the remark enough to smirk at despite the circumstances and Bruce and Steve would also find it amusing (even if they would not admit it). Barton’s sense of humour was a bit less dry but he could try something for that later. To Thor’s credit, all he did was act confused and turn away. He didn’t really care about Thor’s reaction. In fact, thinking about it, was finally being free putting him in a good mood, or was it the stone that was still doing something in his head? He was almost certain his sudden interest in what the Avengers thought of him was not natural… but he couldn’t say for sure, so mulling over it was pointless.

“I apologise for my brother, it seems his sense of humour took a hit in the fight” Thor told his team, “If one of you could hold his other hand I shall bound his wrists and mouth myself -” 

“I don’t think you’ll need to do that,” Tony stepped forward, coming into view, which was awfully kind of him since Loki could literally only see Thor and the roof as he laid on the ground and wasnt bothered to get up, “He’s Loki, right? I read up on him a bit and he mostly avoids stuff because of the wording people use… combine that with the fact that he walked over to me when I asked, but then didn’t let me tie him it seems he’ s actually a pretty chill guy and wouldn’t object if I ask him to hold still long enough for me to put them on”. No one answered. 

“That is a crazy outlandish theory, even for you man…” Hawkeye said, probably to break the silence. Loki considered his options and they were to either a) Not do anything and let Tony test out his theory (which would be true and then the Avengers would realise that he will do whatever they wanted happily and not end well for himself) or b) say something now that could convince Tony not to try it (which, considering Tony and his curious streak, would be pretty hard to pull off…). 

He found an uncomfortable position in which he could hold himself up and face the Avengers while keeping his left arm pinned down. He settled for option b and hoped the norns were feeling kind today. 

“Hello, I’m Loki, I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced but long story short I was tortured and then forced into trying to subjugate your planet - sorry about that by the way - but I’m mostly back now and would rather not put the handcuffs on for the previously stated reason but also because I’m healing up a serious head injury at the moment and those cuffs restrict the healing.”. The injury part was a lie of course, he just didn’t enjoy his magic being meddled with (and was trying to get rid of the mind stone which refused to leave) and Thor wouldn’t leave him at the mercy of Midgardian healing knowledge… the rest of it was true enough, with the omission of Thanos, a threat Loki would only mention to the only one probably able to do something; the Allfather.

“I’m calling BS,” Clint said, barely after Loki had closed his mouth. Rude. “The guy is literally infamous for lying, and he also had that sceptre that he used to mess with peoples brains, and he was trying to bring an alien army through that portal thing, and he has no proof that he isn’t making this all up. So.” he finished off eloquently. 

They all shufted to the other side of the room and lowered their voices, presumably arguing over whether or not to trust him. Typical. This is what good telling the truth does.

Thor still stood with him though, and was trying to attach the handcuffs. Loki decided to store them in his pocket dimension just to make sure Thor didn’t accidently succeed. Thor pulled out another pair. Loki neatly placed those in the pocket dimension too. Loki could do this all day. 

The Captain, (their semi-leader? Loki was unsure how Tony and Steve had split the responsibility but it seemed to lean either direction at random) cleared his throat and addressed him, “We’ve decided the handcuffs… won’t be necessary since we don’t want to submit you to a hospital- ” 

“And because you wouldn’t be able to eat without your hands,” Tony cut in, presumably inviting him to the dinner Loki had mentioned, and got matching glares from Steve and Natasha in returned.

“But, we have also decided to test out Tony’s theory on how you lie because there’s no harm in not trying. After that you’ll be questioned by SHIELD and sent home.” Steve continued. He failed to mention what would be happening to the tesseract or mind stone which Loki thought was funny; as if Odin would let them keep three infinity stones on this planet. The thought that Odin may not even know what the sceptre and tesseract actually were crossed his mind but he dismissed it. 

Clint stepped forward and said, “Do a backflip,”. There was an expectant silence that followed as if they all thought he would obey the absurd command.

“You realise I am stuck to the ground, do you not? Even if I could do a backflip, I wouldn’t be able to like this.“ When the silence grew heavier and Clint’s ears had turned as red as they could get Loki decided to continue, “Also, I can’t do backflips.”  

The silence grew even heavier than before - if possible - and Loki watched as Barton received glares from basically everyone. 

He decided he should take advantage of this to suggest something that would be useful to himself and them. “How about you ask me not to attack any of you as we leave the tower?” He prompted. 

Natasha decided to speak instead, “Do not attack any of us indefinitely. In fact, while you’re at it, why don’t you magic me up some coffee.”. 

The request was simple enough. He hadn’t planned on doing anything to harm them anyways. All he wanted was to get on Asgard and wait for the mind stone to wear off. “Done.” Loki said, then, holding out a cup of coffee that appeared in his hand (it was from the café across the road, where ‘Nick Fury’, some guy whose lack of an eye reminded him of Odin, had been about to take his first sip) he offered the cup to her. He even winked and added a pleased to be of service thinking she would actually accept the coffee. Of course, she did not. 

“I’m afraid I don’t like the way the Director takes his coffee.” she said, a dangerous shine in her eyes, “Why don’t you drink it instead? I’m sure you’d love to drink the whole thing in one go.”. Natasha smiled nicely, as he said “whatever you say” and did just that. He hadn’t had coffee in a while so he might as well take the chance to taste it while he had some on him anyways. It was hot, sure, but he could use magic to prevent it from burning him. He drank it in one go.

There was no sugar in it. Loki hates coffee. He knows he hates coffee but its not like he had much of a choice. It was fine though. As long as he willingly does everything they asked the stone wouldn’t have to come into play and take over for him. To hide their control he wouldn’t just have to do everything happily and for the purpose of ‘because I wanted to do it anyways’ but he would have to do it convincingly. 

That’s not too hard. He was a good liar after all. He could easily answer SHIELD’s questions then get to Asgard without them figuring it out…

“I cant explain how but it appears your theory was right, Stark, he’ll do whatever you ask if he is physically able to do. Good job on figuring it out.” Natasha said, winking at Loki when she was finished.

If he manages to get away now they’ll stop believing the true story he told them before. If he confirms that the stone is still affecting him they’ll know for sure that he has to do whatever they say. He watches each of them as they go through the stages of confusion, awe, disbelief and then settle on ‘confusion but with an attitude that says we are going to take full advantage of this discovery’. He stares at them in silence because he knows the only action he could take that won’t change any ridiculous demands they make will only confirm him as guilty for the crimes he (technically didn’t!) commit. 

Well, #$&*, he thinks.

[firelord-frowny]

its a LONG fucking story, 

but basically, i work as a private violin teacher at a high school (which happens to be the same school i graduated from).

at the beginning of the year, the other violin/viola teacher suddenly quit, meaning that i was suddenly being asked to teach 14 students rather than just the 7 i had agreed to, and these 14 students included 4 violists, which... i am not a violist. 

but the boss begged me to ~step up just until [she] can find someone to replace~ the lady who quit. so im like okay, fine. 

it takes her until fucking february to find a replacement. the END of february. 

then covid sets the world on fire and school is canceled indeffinitely. 

i did not recieve one single text or email or phone call from ANYONE affiliated with the school with any information or instruction about how distance learning was going to be carried out. literally, nobody contacted me AT ALL. i wasnt too concerned bc i knew the school system was in chaos, scrambling to try to throw together some protocols and systems and whatnot. so im like, ok, they have bigger things to deal with before they can address adjunct faculty such as myself. 

but weeks pass and i continue to hear nothing, so i finally email my boss like “hey, what’s the plan? what are my responsibilities? is private instrumental instruction still taking place in some form? if so, how am i supposed to be carrying that out? who are my students? how do i schedule lessons? how do i log my hours?” etc etc. 

she responds two days later and answers exactly 0 of my questions, but does provide me with a link to a ~google classrooms~ site and tells me to ~contact students to schedule lessons.~ again, she did not actually tell me who those students even WERE, or how to contact them, and that information was not on the classroom site. 

but before i can email her to tell her this and ask her to more thoroughly explain, the site fucking disappears. it’s just gone. a 404 error or something. 

so i sent her an email more or less explaining, “hi, i’m unable to access the site, there’s an error message. do you know what’s wrong/what should i do?”

she does not respond. at all. for two weeks. 

then i get a mass email she sent to all adjuncts informing us that the last week of instrumental lessons has concluded for the year. im like... ok, i guess. 

then i get an email she forwarded from the coordinator instructing all adjuncts to fill out a form stating our intent to return for the following year. i completed the form and submitted it as asked. 

the next school year starts and i again recieve 0 information from anyone about when i’m supposed to start working. but that’s not unsual since adjuncts usually don’t start until a few weeks in. but then i still hadn’t heard anything by fucking october, so i emailed her AGAIN asking her what my responsibilities are and/or what decisions have been made about the function of adjunct faculty in distance learning. 

i get NO REPLY for another two fucking weeks. 

i send a followup. “hi, i’m concerned that i still have not been contacted by you or anyone else with answers to my questions. i would appreciate a prompt response.” 

i get NO RESPONSE FOR ANOTHER TWO DAYS. 

i finally ask a coworker to tell her i’ve been trying to reach her. 

she responds a fucking hour later claiming there are “no students available for me at this time” and that she “was going to contact [me] soon” (BULLSHIT) and that she “has enjoyed working with [me], thanks for all [my] help.” 

???

so i tell her to fucking call me and explain herself, and she claimed that I “disappeared” at the end of the last school year and that the new violin teacher had to “take over” for all of my students. 

i told her that i did NOT disappear and that i in fact sent her emails informing her that the link she sent me did not work and asking for further instruction - emails which she NEVER REPLIED to. she then lied and said that we cleared it up over the phone. i told her that that never happened. she insisted that it did. she also claimed that she “let the students decide if they wanted me back” and that “they all chose [new teacher]” which i am POSITIVE is absolute bullshit because 1) the new teacher is a pasty ass white man in his late 30s who has absolutely nothing in common with these students. i am a young black woman from the exact same background as these kids who love me so fucking much that they all call me their “violin auntie.” so like. you fucking tell me who they would have picked if they had actually been asked to choose. 

she also claimed that she ~had to let me go because of the budget~ but that i’m ~still on the roster so she my bring me back when things return to normal.~ 

after the phone conversation, i checked my phone records and confirmed that prior to this conversation, she and i have LITERALLY NEVER COMMUNICATED OVER THE PHONE. 

so i sent her another email telling her that i checked, and that phone conversation never happened. i asked, just to give her a chance, if perhaps she may have called me from a number that wasn’t her cell or a school number. i also re-sent her the emails i had sent her that she never replied to. i asked her: if she thought i had just fucking bailed on my job, why didn’t she ever attempt to contact me? if she thought i wasn’t doing something i had agreed to do, why didn’t she ever call or email or text asking wtf my issue was? IF SHE GENUINELY HAD AN ISSUE WITH ME OR ANYTHING I DID OR DIDN’T DO, WHY DIDN’T SHE TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF CONTACTING ME IF ONLY TO LET ME KNOW THAT MY JOB WAS IN JEOPARDY?

LO AND BEHOLD, SHE DOESN’T FUCKING REPLY TO THAT SHIT, EITHER. 

so i called one of my old teachers (who happens to be the same teacher who quit at the beginning of the year) to ask for her advice on what to do, and if i was in fact correct that what this woman did to me was viciously disrespectful and unprofessional. she confirmed that yes, it was wildly wrong for her to do all that she did, and advised me to inform a particular supervisor of the matter, and the fact that my efforts to resolve it with the woman went ignored. 

so i did that. explained it all in a email, sent it to the supervisor, and now????

radio silence from the supervisor. 

im so tired of being angry about this but im fucking livid. 

[blookmallow]

AND WE FINALLY FINISH THIS NIGHTMARE

check out that cool shot i managed to catch directly when the lightning struck. ill get to that moment a lil later but im still psyched about that. ok anyway

this would be sweet in theory but jessica’s model moves Really weird along with you and it’s mostly just very unsettling 

oh i already don’t like you

hhhhhhhh fuck fuck fuck this is bad 

what the fuck have you been doing to her

THIS IS SO FUCKING NASTY GET OUT OF MY FACE 

also wouldn’t be surprised if the placement of the. “responsibility” sign directly outside the door when blake. walks away from that situation. was intentional

god. this whole mess would be horrific for anyone to go through but blake’s got some really specific trauma here that canNOT be helping. fuck

uH

TH...ANK S?? I THINK ????

im not sure WHAT just happened but i think the cultists caught the heretics and started killing everybody which is FINE BY ME I’LL BE OVER HERE GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF THIS MINE 

I GOT LYNN THOUGH AND SHE LOOKS LIKE SHIT BUT SHE’S ALIVE AND ALSO NOT MISSING HER LEGS EVEN THOUGH IT REALLY LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS 

im still not sure what the fuck happened here i guess. psychosomatic pregnancy combined with hallucination caused by trauma and Murkoff Fuckery but THEY SURE DON’T BOTHER TO TELL YOU THAT :’) it took me hours of scouring wiki pages and also reading the extra comics i had no idea existed bc the game doesn’t mention them to find out what the FUCK happened

lynn seems to believe it’s blake’s child, which i guess is a moot point if the baby never existed in the first place, but probably confirms it was a trauma/hallucination/whateverthefuck situation and she wasn’t cheating on him even if it still logically couldn’t be his because of the timeframe 

honey that’s not jessica,

i really, really don’t think blake is okay

yOU DON’T SAY :’ ) 

FUCKINGSHITFUCKGODHELLFUCKING FUCK YOU NOT AGAIN

fuCKINg HELL

,,,,well

if that wasnt divine intervention i dunno what is 

really fond of the outlast tradition of “horrible, awful thing relentlessly pursues you until you FINALLY witness their gruesome death and have a brief fleeting moment of peace” though

i. guess it’s just knoth left now, huh. 

lynn: [in hysterics, probably dying, apparently about to give birth] 

me: wait hold ON a second check out this GRAVEYARD

god she’s on the fucking torture rack 

this is, quite possibly, the worst fucking scenario to give birth in 

GOD that was. not a pleasant scene and i was going to comment on the sheer ridiculousness of a woman giving birth in like One push and the entire baby’s just Out but if this didn’t really happen/was hallucinatory that would. explain that 

and i am, regardless, immensely grateful they decided to let this just be over in like 5 seconds and didn’t make me go through a long laborious graphic birthing scene bc outlast absolutely would do that and i dunno if i coulda handled it much longer than it was :’  ) 

still dont know what this was about either, if the pregnancy and the baby were hallucinations, lynn was under that same hallucination too she believed she was pregnant and about to give birth, so why wouldn’t she see the baby. if its real and she’s the one hallucinating that it isn’t there that means literally EVERYTHING ELSE now makes no sense whatsoever. did she get released from the hallucination right at this moment for some reason. and if she did why didn’t blake. knoth sees the baby too so he’s clearly still sharing the same hallucination (or, again, if lynn is the one hallucinating and the baby is real HOW THE FUCK DID ANY OF THIS HAPPEN) 

i really like blake and all but some part of me just really wishes we could’ve had lynn’s side of this story 

she went through hell too, she went through unspeakable things too, and we don’t get to see her fighting, we don’t get to see her story, she doesn’t make it out and she just gets reduced to the Woman Who You, A Man, Must Protect until she tragically dies at the last minute 

and blake is so far gone at this point he can’t even differentiate between his wife and jessica anymore. lynn just gets completely shoved out of her own story and im not blaming blake for that, it’s not irredeemable to have loved someone else once, and of course he’s not going to be over that considering he practically witnessed her fucking murder and all the shit he’s going through directly parallels that trauma AND he’s got. whatever murkoff fuckery is going on in his brain too 

but i do blame the writers for doing this to her 

and they had that line early on (in this same room even) like “why do they always hurt women to get to men” which. i guess parallels this scene too but i had been interpreting it like “why the fuck are women always reduced to just the victims, why do men feel like they have to prove their point by hurting women” and blake’s clearly not the hyper-masculine Hero type, he’s strong enough to tear his hands off a cross, sure, but at heart he’s just a scared camera guy who has no idea what the fuck is going on or what to do and this experience clearly breaks him 

but then. lynn’s just the victim too. and doesn’t get to have her own story. she dies on a torture rack minutes before she could have escaped this hell (assuming blake didn’t just die too. it’s not clear. i think the comic said he was still breathing) after all that she dies and her husband doesn’t even remember her name

i dont know. i cant get a coherent thought together on this but i just. dont like it 

anyway i. guess im responsible for a BABY now, as well, 

im really glad this was the end of the game bc i do NOT think i could have coped with. going through more of this While Also Carrying An Infant :’) 

WHAT PARADISE, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT 

congratulations. hope you’re proud of yourself. please get away from me

ARE YOU PERHAPS, MAYBE, FIGURING SOMETHING OUT HERE. REALIZING SOME MISTAKES THAT MAY HAVE BEEN MADE. POSSIBLY. YOU SHIT 

OR HOW ABOUT I DONT DO THAT 

oh

well.

saves me the trouble of dealing with you, i guess. not that he probably would have been very good at pursuing me anyway, but 

,,,well. bye then,

that sure did happen, didn’t it 

,,,what do i even Do now 

the sun is rising, though

cliché as it is i still love “the sun rises at the end of the Horror” anyway :’)

boy am i glad my baby won’t remember this

and probably isn’t real in the first place, but you know,

looks like everyone who was left did a mass suicide and i cant say i feel all that sorry about it 

does that sun look a little too close or 

oh fuck

WELL THE SUN EXPLODED, SO THAT’S. GOOD 

wait what am i doing back here

AND THAT’S THE END, FOLKS, THAT’S IT 

I DIDN’T NEED ANY ANSWERS OR CLOSURE OR ANYTHING, THAT’S FINE :’) THANKS RED BARRELS 

[midnight-circus]

another bullshit meme

from sidebloggable

answered for logan and lucius bc i dont talk about my big dumb idiot enough

and im actually gonna answer for their original Fable timeline bc ive been feelin nostalgic recently

Their physical weak spots

Logan - depends on his age and/or stress-levels. He has a fair amount of upper body strength from swinging twin swords around all the fucking time, but it wouldn’t be ridiculously hard to overpower him if you could disarm and get hold of him - however, he’s fast, agile and extremely skilled, and it’s getting hold of him in the first place that’s the issue. In the middle of his reign, on the other hand, his body condition takes a dramatic dive - he’s pretty severely underweight and loses a lot of his muscle tone, and it really wouldn’t take much at all to best him. 

Lucius - Lucius is a big, heavy mercenary who fights with a broadsword, so it’s hard to get the best of him in a one-to-one melee fight. However, he’s missing his left eye and is deaf in his left ear - subsequently if you use a little bit of stealth and come at him hard and fast from the left, you’ve got a pretty good chance of getting the jump on him. He’s also into middle-age and despite having decent reactions, a younger man of the same build as him might just pip him to the post.

Their emotional/moral weak spots

Logan - oh god lmao. Logan’s a mess, but his primary emotional weak spot is his siblings - be they his original two (hey queenie and dorian) or Morgan. I think he feels a bond that’s closer to paternal than fraternal, and I think the only way he can really justify to himself the pain he puts them through is telling himself he’s doing it for them. ok honestly, he will do fucking anything for them. at the climax of the revolution, the primary thought running through his head is how fucking proud he is. be nice if he said it out loud every once a while - hell, itd be nice if he’d just asked for some fuckin help before causing the literal death of hundreds of people - but yknow. thats just going one step too far i guess

Lucius - he’s a bleeding heart. when Morgan and his little band of rebels rock up in the Dweller village, Lucius is already there running supplies up and down the mountain to them; he watches way too many kids starve to death, and joins up with the rebels in order to lead them through Mourningwood. then he gets a crush on morgan’s little bitch face and just like. never leaves lmao. He’s easily blinded by injustice and gets worked up really quickly when he sees wrong being done - it can lead him to act recklessly or thoughtlessly at times.

Scars or painful spots

Logan - asides from the obvious scars across his lips (fencing wounds when he was a boy), he took some nasty damage from the Crawler during the three days he was trapped in the Auroran cave - he’s got a network of scars on his back that look a little like lashmarks. they hurt when they’re touched and he Does Not talk about them. he’s also got a few other scars here and there on his arms and chest from miscellaneous scraps and scuffles, and he has a deep puncture scar on his abdomen from an assassination attempt, but the less said about those the better.

Lucius - lmao Lucius is literally missing half his face to scar-tissue. he was attacked by a dog as a boy and it left him heavily messed-up. he’s also a merc, as i said, so he’s got a lot of miscellaneous old wounds but nothing quite as obvious as the ones his face. 

Best places to kiss on their body

Logan - oh, the neck, bitch. he’s also kind of a slut for being kissed on the insides of his wrists; anywhere vulnerable, basically. if you could kill him there, kiss him there. freak-ass bitch.

Lucius - dude just likes a nice traditional french kiss man nothing crazy. but also definitely give him a blowjob. i know this question said kissing but lets be real thats kind of a kiss.

Guilty pleasures

Logan - he reads really terrible novels. like…really terrible. he pretends he’s reading something highbrow and intellectual but its actually a shitty romance recovered with something suitably acceptable and nobody can know

Lucius - he doesnt have any ‘guilty’ pleasures tbh, he just enjoys stuff unashamedly. he’s too thick to feel guilty

Their vices (physical or emotional)

Logan - lets be real, he’s probably done, like. an impressive amount of coke. i guess the terrible sleeping and eating habits are probably also a vice but like. it’s mainly the coke

Lucius - he smokes like a fuckin chimney

Their tickle spots

Logan - not only does he not have any, but you would also die for trying. Elrick disagrees.

Lucius - his ribs, but he is uncontrollably violent when he’s tickled so its a real good way to get a broken nose. he doesn’t mean to do it, he just spasms. 

Bad memories/experiences

Logan - lmao. I’ll skip the most obvious (the 3-Day Auroran Extravaganza) because i think that goes without saying - it left him with crippling PTSD and damaged his mind heavily and insidiously. he was already pretty traumatised by his childhood and i think being forced into so many responsibilities so young also messed him up a little. it’s more like….rather one one or two specific experiences, its more just a general feeling of Bad that has stuck with him throughout his life. It was worsened by his later experiences, and essentially primed him for failure.

Lucius - yknow i was thinking about how to word the answer to this question and i realised that i accidentally made Lucius into Batman. His family farm was attacked and burnt to the ground by bandits when he was about 12; his parents and siblings were killed, and he only escaped by hiding in the coal-cellar. Later, he joined up with the mercenaries to try and track down the group that targeted them. fuck hes batman. i didnt mean to batman

Humiliating memories

Logan - oh man his father was a pro at humiliation. mistakes or oversights werent just punished, they were fuckin learned from, and he figured the best way to do this was humiliation - generally through public displays of What You Did Wrong and repeated recitations of the mistake in front of the people whose opinions Logan valued. It was kind of the catalyst for his inferiority complex and intense desire to succeed without input from others. 

Lucius - again, Lucius doesn’t really experience embarrassment - he’s kind of too laid-back for it. yes, it was embarrassing the one time he fell over carrying two milk buckets and threw them all over himself in front of the handsome boy from the next farm over and the guy started laughing at him but like. you live and learn and the dude turned out to have a really ugly laugh anyway so who cares

Fears/phobias

Logan - he’s always had claustrophobia, but after the Auroran Experience this intensifies to a whole new level, and he also develops crippling nyctophobia. part of this is due to his hallucinatory psychosis - he sees things pretty much constantly, but it worsens in low lighting - but it’s also due to the fact that there may very well be actual Things in the dark and he struggles to tell reality from hallucination

Lucius - dogs. fuckin dogs. he hates dogs theyre literally so scary even the small ones bc the small ones move so quick and you never know when theyre gonna come at you

Bad or petty habits

Logan - oh, he’s just a petty bitch. he’s also outwardly arrogant, even if his internal feelings don’t match up to that. drily sarcastic, too, tho a person only really sees that when they get past the walls he throws up - Elrick is very familiar with it. 

Lucius - he’s constantly standing to the right-hand side of people and then he wonders why he cant hear them properly

Grudges and vendettas

Logan - he’d hold a grudge against his father if he wasnt dead. he also holds a pretty heavy grudge against Theresa for not just fucking telling him.

Lucius - at first, only against the bandits that killed his family, but once he deals with them hes kind of at a loss as to where to go next. fortunately Logan starts starving people shortly afterwards, so if nothing else it gives him a kickstart into the rest of his life. Subsequently, Lucius will hold a vendetta against Logan for the rest of his life, even after he has been in a relationship with Morgan for years - he will never forgive him for the shit he put the common people through, and he doesnt really give a shit about the ~pressures~ Logan was under at the time. fuckin excuses, man. 

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Logan - his terrible sleeping/eating patterns. even before trauma and night-terrors made it almost impossible for him to sleep peacefully, he didn’t get more than 5 or 6 hours a night, if that.

Lucius - if something is smaller than him, he’ll protect it. he’ll also protect things bigger than him, if given half the chance. hes basically a golden retriever in human form, which is ironic considering his feelings about dogs.

What it takes to make them cry

Logan - would rather die than cry, quite literally.

Lucius - his heart is softer than butter, he’ll cry at anything. he’ll cry at an injured pigeon on the street. 

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

Logan - never, ever, ever talks about what happened in Aurora. The details die with him.

Lucius - he doesn’t really have any - he’s not ashamed of much in his life, and he’s never done anything terrible enough to render it a skeleton. 

People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

Logan - L M A O. yes, it affected him terribly, but tbqh however much its affected him kind of plays second fiddle to how much his actions affected other people.

Lucius - has killed a lot of people who deserved it during his mercenary years, and justifies it to himself by being absolutely certain that they did deserve it. sometimes he doubts this, though, and that doubt plays a big part in his eventually getting out of the game entirely

People who’ve influenced them greatly

Logan - Walter, tho he’ll never admit it in a million years and he still definitely kneecapped him right at the start of the game so idk what that says about him

Lucius - Morgan. it’s real gay, i know, but there it is.

[lovedeluxe92]

okay so i started working at jimmy johns in early febuary of this year. i needed a job rlly bad and money desperately, just something to keep me afloat and to afford food. what i experienced...i was not at all prepared for lmao. i was sexually harassed, verbally harassed, had my hours fucked with, had management and even the owners of the company who could give a fuck less about their employees, had to deal with my fellow coworkers AND managers being on k2 and other drugs, and the final fucking straw which was getting my tip money stolen from me OUT OF THE SAFE BY A MANAGER. i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

traffic, pedestrians NOT LOOKING WHERE THE FUCK THEY WERE GOING DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PPL I ALMOST KILLED CAUSE /THEY/ DID NOT LOOK, we have ‘parking police’ and i legit got about 15-20 tickets during my time there bc that asshole was out for blood and anytime he saw my car, even if i wasnt parked illegally (oh did i mention we had like 3 parking spots all on the street and all with a 2 hour limit (: ) or hadnt been parked in a spot for the full 2 hours. so there was that. 

see when i first started everything was fine. we had good employees who worked hard and did what they had to do. they were all stoners, but whatever i could care less about that. SO. our assistant manager, he was a mess. racist, homophobic, rude, loud. the worst. we would do dabs out in his car (yeah i know but i worked at a fucking jimmy johns) and he would just say the most questionable shit. i remember this one time he saw my phone background was a pic of me and my bf and was like ‘oh you like black guys? what’s your sex like? i bet it’s really good’ and im not gonna go into too much detail here, bc it upset me and its racist,  but he kept going and said some REALLY creepy shit i was like wtf and told him to never speak to me like that again or i would report him for sexual harassment (side note: one time he thought i did report him for sexual harassment and was like “who are you gonna buy weed from now?” LITERALLY ANYONE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.) he would always be like “DAMN THICK’ whenever i would bend over and do everything. I TOLD MY MANAGER AT THE TIME. she  didn’t do anything. AND the owners of the franchise definitely knew bc like...there’s cameras and they can hear everything we say? but no one did fucking anything. and i needed the money bad so i had to stay. of course i told him off constantly. he was white and always saying the n word. just a piece of fucking shit. 

i think the happiest day of my life was when he FINALLY got fired. my manager had to go to another city for a week and help out that jimmy johns bc i guess ALL the employees and managers did a walk out (yeah this happens at all the jimmy johns owned locally in my area i wish i was kidding) and left his inept ass in charge. it took him 5 mins to make sandwiches (FREAKY FAST hello????) he was just a poor manager. but THEN he started using k2 again. and he was a zombie. there was no point of him even being there bc like he would just go to the back of the store and just stand in front of the freezer door staring for like 10-15 mins at a time.i was a driver and didnt know how to make sandwiches yet and this bitch seriously was just standing there cracked out of his mind on k2 in FRONT of customers (and i will say our customers were SO nice at least) takking phone calls slurring his words. it was embarrassing. i rememeber i had 2 customers who had waited almost a HALF HOUR for ONE sandwich bc i was having a panic attack and losing my fucking mind trying to make their sandwiches while he was in his truck getting high and refusing to come in. one of the customers actually gave me a tip and told me i was doing great and the other one was like ‘im so sorry this is happening to you, that guy is  fucked up’. anyway, he passed out on k2 in his truck one night and got the cops called on him and got banned from the property :) i still saw him from time to time and he looked disgusting & miserable and it made me so happy. 

mostly we just had grown ass employees, fucking 30 year olds, just acting like children. always on drugs. i had one coworker pretend to slap my ass and i called him out and he was like ‘it’s a joke im not apologizing’. people would try to take deliveries from me. AND LET ME JUST SAY, not even to fucking brag even slighly but i was the best worker there my entire time there bc regardless of where im working i am giving my 100% every day and no one else there would. but ppl always tried to step over me and did not respect me. we had one coworker who had 3 felonies and one day like 4-5 cops came to our store to tell us to call the cops the next time he showed up for work (surprise surprise he fled bc they took an hour to get to the store despite the fact we were literally like not even 4 blocks from the police station) and he was always high on k2. forever late. day after day no call no show. he had his friend get hired on who would go down to subway and talk shit about subway in his uniform??? lmao and subway called us one day and was like ‘can yall not?’ he also threatened to burn down the store and then my manager (who was always on a power trip if we’re being honest) purposefully withheld his paycheck to fuck with him, because he was fucking with her, so we dealt with him WAY longer than we should have? 

then this one bitch that became manager, SOMEHOW, we were seriously always that desperate for staff and we hire anyone bc the managers are overworked af and just want to take the load off. anyway, SHE was always high on k2 as well. and she would always overshare rlly traumatic personal things from her life to me and all the customers and its like....girl we dont wanna hear that pls try and get some help. she was not currently being abused, i wanna specify. she was talking about things from her past. i sympathized with her but like im a victim of dv too lmao i dont wanna see your bruises without being asked first. and then i remember one day i left my money bag there (i kept my tips in it and had like $37 in there or something) and this bitch who was making MORE MONEY THAN ME seriously fucking went into the safe (we caught her on camera lmao) and stole that money out of my bag and left a few bills to make it seem less suspicious i guess??? lied about it to my face? then quit bc she ‘wasnt gonna sit there and be accused of something i didnt do’ like ok lmao

then to top it all off at one point my old manager just stopped giving a fuck and the store went to shit and we got complaint after complaint and she started being so rude to all of her staff, including myself (and we were like besties so i was devastated) and she cut my hours when she was submitting our work times for the checks because i would clock in early to help out....LIKE SHE ASKED? and it was just everything i said to her...her response was just the most rude and hateful voice and just....it was so rude. i cried every single day after work. she eventually got replaced and then quit 

but then this new manager, whom i loved, was very depressed and just had a lot wrong with him mentally but he was still very....drama starting and attention seeking. he would talk about suicide nonstop 24/7 and not to be callous but it just made me so uncomfortable and triggered me so much? they did overwork him and i will attest and agree to that and he had a lot on his shoulders but he couldve gone to mcdonalds literally any day and gotten a job with better hours, better pay, and better benefits. i kept telling him over and over to leave bc he had so much managerial experience he couldve been hired anywhere! all resteraunts down here are perpetually hiring, especially for managers! i would know bc i was looking for another job lmao. but he’d text me every night saying things like ‘well lets hope i drink myself to death’ ‘suicide is painless’ etc. and it was just......VERY uncomfortable for me, as someone who has attempted suicide and still struggles with ideation from time to time lmao it was just the most triggering environment ever 

like idk how i lasted that long but i worked my ass off, saved up my money, have a good paying job and im trying my best to forget this entire experience (honestly i did have some good times) but i really dont....think i can lmao 

ON A POSTIVE NOTE: we had some of the kindest and most caring customers ive ever had in my life. i was shocked. but the amount of times i had a shitty customer in my entire time there i can count on one hand lmao like....even when they were shitty they were like ‘im sorry i know yall work hard and everything’ like i miss my customers SO MUCH because we actually had relationships with them and shit and ugh god. if the customers were shitty tho i would never have kept this job lmfao 

i stayed at this job simply bc i made enough money for rent and my bills perfectly and it was one of the few jobs where i was paid an hourly wage + tips. and i wanted my next job to be a job in my field. that’s why i stuck around so long, it took some time to do that.

so yeah theres my mess i love anyone who read this and you can have my first born and be the beneficiary to my life insurance when i die

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

Why does no one talk about how luke lost siblings pre war? Like like is what 14 when he comes to camp, hes 19 when percy does. Meaning, because he wasnt the cousler when he got to camp one or more of his soblings had to die in the five years he lived at camp. In the five years he lived at camp his brothers and sisters would go home and not come back? How many bodless shrouds did luke have burn???

oh i think

but on this blog, we stan luke castellan

i stanned luke before it was cool, before the word “stan” even existed

i was stanning luke the moment i finished tlt

but, uh, anyway,,,

in a more…coherent way, i think it’s bc a lot of ppl don’t like luke. like at all. and a lot of it stems from two things,,,

1: many ppl, i think, don’t separate kronos from luke and luke from kronos. OR, they don’t fully grasp just how manipulative kronos was, and how far someone can go when they are being manipulated. OR, they could not do both of those things and still hate luke, and that’s fine and fair. they’re entitled to their opinion

2: the whole “did you love me” scene, when luke was dying

and i know this isn’t what you’re asking for–in fact your question at the beginning of your ask is probably more rhetorical than anything–but like i said, i stan luke castellan, and i have a lot of feelings abt this topic. so i’m going to break down my points, and then talk abt his life at chb before percy showed up, regarding the deaths of his siblings

which is my usual at this point so, ya know,,,

what are you gonna do

as usual, hcs under the cut

one

1a: sometimes i get the feeling that some think luke and kronos were basically one in the same? and that luke is completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series. which is wrong. he’s not, he was being severely manipulated by a titan; misled, misguided, and used. kronos was taking something that already existed in luke and twisting it to his own gains. additionally, after kronos possess him, he’s no longer in control of his actions. he’s trapped in his own body, while kronos pulls the strings, quite literally.

1b: i also get the feeling that sometimes ppl don’t quite understand how manipulation and gaslighting can effect your ability to think for yourself, to think clearly abt a lot of things at all. or, swinging in the other direction, perhaps think too much abt everything. for this post, it’s the former. manipulation is subtle and insidious, you start to do and say things you wouldn’t normally think you’d do or say for fear of punishment, whether it be physical, emotional, and/or psychological from the other. manipulation like that is abuse, and luke was being abused by kronos. so he is not completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series

1c: finally, ppl may very well recognize these two things–that luke and kronos were two separate entities, and that manipulation can be a terribly powerful and destructive tool used against ppl–and still decide to hate him. and ya know, that’s fine. we’re all entitled to how we feel abt fictonal characters. at the end of the day, agree to disagree

two

a lot of ppl hate him also bc of the question he asked annabeth in tlo, a dying man’s inquiry

and a lot of ppl interpreted it as romantic. and therefore, rightfully so, saw that as disgusting, considering luke is considerably older (6 to 7 yrs, at least).

not only that, but luke oftentimes used annabeth’s crush on him against her (whether he knew annabeth’s love was romantic or familial at that time, who’s to say; i mean i say that he didn’t realize annabeth had a crush on him for a very long time, he probably mostly saw it as familial, bc he is considerably older)–i think the biggest example of that would be when he got annabeth to hold the sky for him bc he knew if she saw him in pain, she would help him, no question, bc she loved him. that i can’t really argue against. i will say he was still being deeply manipulated by kronos, but it’s still a p despicable thing to do just in general

the infamous question he asks annabeth, i see as way more complicated. i think since we’re in percy’s head, it’s meant to seem romantic, considering percy could tell immediately annabeth had a crush on luke at the beginning of tlt, and percy, himself, had completely fallen, head-over-heels in love with annabeth at that point in time.

i see the question as familial, as well as romantic love, but not in the way you think. i felt it was him almost checking to see the depth of annabeth’s romantic love she felt for him–was it just a crush, or has she deeply and truly fallen in love with me? i think he knew she’d fallen in love with percy (even if it took him a while to figure out she had a crush on him). his question was more a check, rather than a, “oh i’m going to ask this girl who is 7 yrs younger than me if she loves me romantically.” but also one of familial love. her answer is implied to be strictly romantic, but luke knows that annabeth’s always loved him, and he’s checking to see if not romantic, than still as family. i.e., “but, no, i didn’t love you in that way”

bonus! three

and look, before you get all indignant and ready to pull receipts, i’m not a luke apologist

i recognize that him being manipulated, and not fully in control of his actions, does not excuse the fact that he still committed them. i am fully aware that he was not a good person, and that he did terrible things

but i also recognize that for one, he wasn’t entirely in control or himself bc of the manipulating kronos was doing to him (which does count for something in the grand scheme of things, even if it does not excuse his actions), and two he had a point abt the gods. the gods are fucking awful. they ain’t shit, and they care little abt their own fucking children.

[aside] hey so cool concept: if you don’t want to put in the effort to do the bare minimum for you children…DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. wild i know. and for gods??? the bare minimum would be like claiming them, and making sure their cabins are the least bit comfortable to live in, which they could do, literally with a snap of their fingers, which would take less than a second. the bar is on the fucking ground. if you’re gonna try and give me the Ancient Laws shit, first of all it was clearly shown throughout the pjo and hoo series, the gods often help demigods, even if they aren’t “““““supposed to interfere””””” so that’s a weak argument. second of all, for bigger things, like getting them to camp or smth, well why not find adults who maybe can take care of them??? maybe it’s a bit idealist sure, but adults should fucking know better. not to mention, the fact that i wish older ppl would care and take care of younger ppl is me being ideal speaks for itself. i recognize not every single person can be the perfect parent, but we can sure as hell try to get close

luke did those things bc he thought he was helping demigods–he started doing it for them and it spun wildly out of control bc kronos is a titan, he’s ruthless, and wanted to kill the gods for his own gain. he didn’t care abt luke, but he’d gladly use luke to achieve his goal. by the time luke realized that, it was already too late. but anyway, /tangent

i can completely understand luke’s motivations, while also understanding that his methods were not the way to go abt change. and that’s another thing abt it, is that i feel like many in the fandom take a very black-and-white perspective on his character, when it’s much more complicated than that

there’s a post going around, talking abt how antagonists and villains should be relatable, bc it reminds us not to go there. and i think a lot of ppl should really take that to heart. i can like a character, but not the person. i don’t idealize luke is any sense of the word. i am aware of all his flaws.

now, first i would like to point out that the rules of becoming head counselor don’t have to involve death. i’m sure with demigods, they often do, but there are two other options: 1) two competing head counselors have a chat and agree on who should be head counselor or 2) they battle each other, and whoever is victorious becomes head counselor

it’s a safe bet that that probably happened quite a lot in the hermes cabin, considering how many demigods resided in there before the second titan war (tho i imagine chiron at least tried (???) to make sure legit only children of hermes become head counselors, bc it is...well...the hermes cabin).

but, as i said before, they are demigods, and so it’s another safe bet that their head counselors were often lost to death

it’s hard to say just how many of luke’s siblings were lost to death, but let’s look at the timeline here real quick. in tlt, luke says that he screwed everything up for everyone else, bc after his quest went so awry, chiron stopped letting kids out of camp to go on quests...which thinking abt it now, almost doesn’t make sense.

i mean, the fact that luke failed so miserably and came back horribly scarred was the catalyst the made chiron stop letting ppl out, but demigods literally dying on quests didn’t???? uuuuuummmmmm?????????

and we can extrapolate from the spoils in the attic of the big house that a lot of campers did die on their quests

i mean, maybe it was also bc chiron had a feeling the great prophecy was getting nearer and nearer to being fulfilled, and he decided after luke failed his quest--a close call like that--he didn’t want to risk any other demigods’ lives anymore until the prophecy began, bc war takes a lot of lives, but still, that’s p fucked up logic

/tangent

anyway, so i think luke was at camp for abt 3 yrs before he finally got a quest of his own. so luke had three yrs at camp to lose siblings to death.

i mean, going by how much luke fought to get his own quest, hermes’ children probably didn’t get a lot of issued quests (more evidence abt how others see hermes as a god, despite him still being a major god).

but, for argument’s sake, let’s say that before the great prophecy became too real for chiron to let out kids on other quests, abt 5-10 quests were issued for each full yr, depending on how long the quest itself would take (tho we’ve seen that a lot of things can be accomplished in v little time, so that’s why my estimation has a lot of variation)

[aside] these numbers are completely and utterly arbitrary, i’m totes making this up as i go

and for more argument’s sake, let’s say that the hermes cabin were issued at least half of those, since they have so many kids--maybe even some of the undertermined kids were issued a quest and as a reward would get to know who their godly parent is (wow, that’s just so shitty, where did my mind come up with that)

and i imagine, even tho they were undetermined, luke felt like they were siblings all the same bc everyone, even children of hermes, were miserable in that cabin. it was jam-packed, crammed, with no breathing space. and some of them in there had completely given up that they’d ever find out who their godly parent was bc their godly parent didn’t care abt them at all

luke hated seeing that. so when a quest was issued to anyone in his cabin, and they didn’t come back, that probably took a serious toll on his mental health. not to mention only did to feed his anger and hatred toward the gods. esp if he thought that the kid was only doing it to find out who their godly parent was

bc they get at least half of the quests during the yr, across 3 yrs, luke probably lost from 5-15 of his siblings, and those he considered siblings.

i have a hc that he cares quite a lot abt his half-siblings. for as much as he hates his father, his siblings didn’t do anything to be ignored like he is, and as luke grows older, he probably takes on kinda father-figure. like if hermes isn’t gonna step up, then luke will he just kinda went abt it the wrong way, with the whole kronos thing...

i imagine, also, that he sometimes lost his siblings when they would sneak out of camp. i mean, from what little glimpse into luke’s life we got before he started trying to take over the world, he made it sound like the hermes kids often snuck out of camp to get things from new york proper like junk food. and it’s more dangerous for them outside the borders, so it’s safe to say that if they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and met a monster they were unprepared to face, they most likely died.

that only increases the number of siblings he lost over those 5 yrs before precy got to camp.

i think tho, those that went on quests and died would have more impact, bc it’s obvious his siblings dying after sneaking out didn’t dissuade him from still sneaking out. but luke was probably more careful abt it

actually, jk, it probably affected him A Lot. and hc that that’s part of the reason he trained so hard with a sword--he probably told his siblings that he’d be the only one going out of camp for any bargaining chips, didn’t matter if he was directly involved or not. and bc he was so good with a sword, he’d be better equipped to handle tougher monsters.

with every lost sibling, i imagine luke throws himself into sword-fighting and masking his grief and pain with anger and hatred even more--it grows exponentially, and never hits a ceiling. he probably blames the gods to bury the fact that he actually blames himself. bc if he accepts that he blames himself that means he also wasn’t strong enough to protect his siblings

it’s easier to blame the gods and train so that maybe one day he’ll be strong enough to protect his siblings. that’s another motivation behind why he decides to join kronos and lead his army until kronos can reform/find a host. kronos promises to make him strong enough to protect not just his siblings, but all demigods who have been thrown to the wayside by the gods--no more useless quests that needlessly take their lives, just to get their godly parents to “““““approve””””” of them

i’m sure he gets tired of feeling powerless, and sometimes the grief is so overwhelming he hides in the forest and lets himself feel for once, but not willing to let anyone else see him break. then he somehow puts himself back together, more determined than ever to become powerful enough to make it stop. at the very least, make it stop happening so frequently.

hmmm, not sure if this is what you asked for, but this is where my brain went. not quite happy with it, i feel like i keep saying the same thing abt luke over and over again but in varying ways, but i did add some new hcs

if you wanna send in another ask with some of yours ideas, i think my brain would be able to use that as a springboard and come up with more specific hcs

as always, thanks for sending this in!!! i know i say this with every ask, but i really do enjoy thinking/discussing these things ^_^ it’s always fun to interact with the fandom for me

FEED ME SEYMOUR

[bothompson]

I think it’s some sort of personal matter; either adam or emma related or something to do with her asking for a raise. Initially I thought she was gonna move away but it seems unlikely that they would do that to her character. Side note, how far along is Dina, she’s suddenly very pregnant?

yee i think it would have something to do with money bc in episode 19 it mentions how she tries to ask for a raise? maybe they deny and so she decides to leave for a better job or someth??

and about dina yeah i have no idea how quick the time moves between episodes because sometimes episodes are literally 1 day apart and then sometimes weeks. the episode is called gender reveal; google says you can find out the sex of a baby between 16 and 20 weeks so i guess its been 4-5 months (spread out over 8 episodes - she told glenn she was pregnant in episode 13 and gender reveal is episode 20) that seems like a sort of long time to fit into 8 episodes but i guess its viable

OK I WROTE THAT RESPONSE ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND I JUST ANALYSED PAST EPISODES TO FIGURE THIS OUT (im no doctor but i have google)

13: amy tells dina shes crushin on male tinkerbell

14: everyone sees the video footage of amy and jonah kissing. it seems like this day happened super close to the day in episode 13 but i guess a week or so couldve gone by

15: this episode was most likely the day after episode 14 bc mateo is telling cheyenne about what happened with jeff, which he would definitely have wanted to tell her asap

16: some days have most likely gone by between 15 and 16 because kelly and jonah are looking at different flats and it probably would have taken them some time to find some, plus i doubt they wouldve thrown a party for jeff literally one day after he quits

17: ok my guess is that a few weeks have gone by between 16 and 17 because theres no info tying episodes together......however corporate probably wouldnt have waited too long to hire a new district manager?? also dina wasnt showing all that much (even tho she kept referencing how she thought she had a big tummy and needed to hide it)

18: theres also no info tying this episode to the last one but we know that alex and amy have been on a few dates

i did all this before realizing we still have 2 episodes until episode 20 and months could go by in them sdhfksdfskdj anyway here is my (probably useless) analysis: im guessing dina is around 8 weeks pregnant in episode 18, and by episode 20 she will be around 18-22 weeks pregnant

[anathemanonymous]

Spilling it in the first person: truths I need to accept

Well, it's not going well. I feel like I am not moving forward,but backward. I held myself back by trying to do the right thing.

I gave you the whole house in trade for my freedom. There was no end date on the agreement. It simply stated you would get the property and all the responsibility of the associated bills. It also stated you would agree to hold me harmless.

Well, that didnt happen.

I'm still stuck 4 years after leaving. The attorney told me not to pay off the foreclosure but I did. Twice. I stopped the process of filing contempt in August. She was livid. She offered me the option to have you removed from the house and I could keep it. Well, I had just signed the apt lease. A one year contract. How was I supposed to afford two house payments? I didn't want that responsibility. I left the house to prove I wasnt married to this man for the money. He refused to leave. So I did.

Both our names remain on the title. Bank cant take me off. You refuse to sell. You cannot afford to refinance.

What are you trying to do here?

As I am being held in place by obligation you insist upon complaining about how it is my fault that you are suffering. How you are refusing to cooperate. Refuse to work or pay bills. Refuse to accept that I left. Refuse to reach out or grow in healthy ways. Refuse to stop drinking or doing drugs. Refuse to try to improve our shitty relationship. Refuse to reach out to your own child. Refuse to sell the house. Refuse to clean it. Trick me into calling off the attorney at the last foreclosure: you say you will pay me back the $5500 and we can fix up the house. I tell you how uneasy I feel about this deal. You tell me to trust you.

I clean and clean on my days off work and you sit and ridicule and drink. You tell me it's no rush. You literally have no money to fix it up. I have gone round and around with Fred at the agency to get him to agree to put the house on the market and how we need to sell to a qualified buyer. How to ensure no consequences from this home being doomed. How to do the right thing. How to honor the promises to the agency and to the bank. Its ridiculous how often I've triaged with your mother. How many phone calls and notes kept on the research of creating a plan to salvage the property and you.

And you. I have given you money. I have paid your debts. I have taken you to the doctor. I set you up for evaluation of ADHD. You cry about your health. You cant get off the couch. You cry about being broke, depressed with no reason to live. When I speak to you, you continue to put me down, to accuse me of never caring. You accuse me of malicious crimes against you for the past 16 years. You claim I just used you. My entire life was built around supporting you. You accuse me of going against you deliberately. You blame for your behaviors of rude comments and refusals to cooperate or participate in anything related to parenting or household chores or budgeting or my feelings. I was threatened by your recklessness. I was doomed to being overly responsible but got nothing but contempt in return.

There wasn't peace. There wasnt love. No support. Constant arguments and blow ups. Constant strife. Constant pain. Carrying your weight twice my size. Trying to rape me. Trying to negate me. Trying to minimize me. Criticizing every fucking thing I did or said or believed. Faking it in front of your friends and parents. Giving nothing but expecting me to provide for your every need on a whim. Needing help with your business books, spending hours only to be discredited and rejected. You put your shit first. You blocked my path with your messiness. You left it all up to me but gave me no credit, no control and no power. Then accuse me of doing the same to you. You ridiculed my hobbies, my goals, my dreams. You chose your friends over me. You drank to the point of black out every day. You stopped working. Your buisness partner abandoned you even after he stole from the business account, you kept him around. You kept giving him your share of our household bills instead of pay our bills. So I paid. You stole my tax returns for years. You were rude and inconsiderate toward how any of your shitty choices affected me and our family. You have withheld love and given only pain. You ignored my feelings and needs. And now you complain and claim to suffer worse than me?

What about me??

To top it off: after moving out and returning on a regular basis to check in with you even as you deliberately were harming me financially and emotionally...I get hate when I remove the loaded guns in the house bc you're suicidal from all the drugs and no sleep and not eating and not working and I worry and I feel sorry and I want to keep things normal so I see the mess and try not to do the cleaning, the yardwork.

I play with the dogs and feed them and you always leave when I arrive ...or start an argument until you chase me away.

After 4 years of being ridiculed and blamed....instead of being heard and validated.

I have to actually accept that you are openly and intentionally holding me hostage financially and emotionally. You admit it on text. Your mother claims you were just drinking and you didnt mean it. What will it take to justify my actions?

Its been 4 years of waiting on pins and needles. Of not breathing. Or being stuck. Not to mention the 7 years before I left the house. Trying to fix things.

Looking back, I've never received emotional support from you. Other than to stay away from my family.

I have a hard time accepting the fact that you didn't improve yourself when I left. You got worse. You stopped trying long before I left. And I hoped you would recognize how awful you'd become. I was risking a chance that you would change into a responsible adult. Learn to care for me in real ways. Appreciate me, quite frankly. I was looking for appreciation. Recognition. Acceptance. Acknowledgement. The elements of love.

I left because there was no love.

It was the right thing to do.

Unhealthy relationships are meant to fall apart.

Blame me or blame you. It doesn't matter. It takes two to have a relationship. It becomes one sided.

Wait. It was always one sided. I wanted to believe it was a mutual relationship. I dreamed it. I created the illusion of it. But it could not be felt. Bc it was a mirage. It only looked like something real. It felt empty. Like a shell. Like a home without a foundation. Ready to fall apart like a Hollywood studio prop.

I was lying to myself the whole time.

The only way out now is to tell the truth. To let shit fall apart by not adding to it. To stop putting in.

But it feels wrong to let my house go into foreclosure. It feels wrong to file with a lawyer. It feels so wrong to do nothing to help, on purpose. Yet it is the right way. Right? This world is absolutely ridiculous. Just fucking back breaking and disheartening. People are so viscous. Banks and lawyers. Without hearts. Empty motherfucking shells of humans.

I knew the truth but didn't want to face it. Denial is so powerful. It can change the way you see things. Or exclude what you do not want to see. Or feel.

I wanted to believe love could make my dream come true, become real. Make me real.

All the proof was in your actions. Fighting me every step of the way. Calling me crazy. You're right. It is crazy to live that way. I agree.

So if it's TRUE : then I have to accept the reality that you don't care about me. Either you cant, or you are just unwilling. You say you love me. But what does love mean? It seems you only care that I care for you. How much I can give and prove that I care. Prove by sacrificing my needs, time, money, energy.

Every fiber of my being is going against the fact that the only way out of this situation is divorce and foreclosure of my home. Abandoning you. Why does it feel unethical and immoral? Huge conflict within.

I tried to help you and to salvage my credit, I have spent over $15,000 to bail it out . ..because I'd already put so much into it that I want to keep on the same path. I dont want a different anonymous path. I want to stay where its familiar. But then again, why? I've never been happy on this path. From experience, moving on does not guarantee happiness either.

I'm standing my ground. I'm honoring my values of integrity and refusing to tolerate abuse and nonsense.

But yes it's hard to move on bc I am ever-wanting to keep convincing myself and the world ...proof of how mature and dedicated I am, of my own goodness, my own kindness, my own value.

If my value rests on a successful career in marriage then I have discredited myself. I have failed to be a quality product. Yikes.

..because I hid behind it, and I'd do anything to keep up the facade. I am afraid to be seen as alone, maybe. I am afraid to stand up against the abuse bc it means I have failed. That I am faulty. Not worthy. Maybe I asked for it. Or deserve it.

Shame is a terrible feeling.

By the virtue of which I choose to honor, I thereby become less valuable. I protected your reputation. I kept silent. I protected my own reputation as well. Now I am throwing it out the window. Breaking a promise to myself to never do that again. Yes, I have experienced this all before. Many times. Throughout my lifetime. I had to destroy my own identity.

Because I could pretend I belonged. I could pretend I had a healthy relationship and family. But the sacrifice was too much. And I was so off-balance. I was shut off. Closed down. Depressed. Sick.

You refused to lie for me. So I left. We dont have to keep pretending to play house. Maybe that disappointed me. You want to play cops and robbers. I refused. Lol. Whatever.

And maybe the ultimate cage I try to break free from is being forced to stay small, a repeating pattern from throughout my entire childhood. It is the shame I carry. The unworthy nature of my wounded inner child.

When confronted with opening up I remain skeptical and scared. I beat myself up. I feel rejected, disillusioned, hurt, betrayed, and I am ashamed of showing that I am being harmed. I am am afraid to speak up. When I do, I get shut down by you, your family, my attorney, the court, society.

This triple whammy has knocked me off my feet every time I try to stand up. I feel insulted by the slights of neighbors, the sounds of the outside world. I speak up against emotional manipulation and I feel the feather of rejection like a sledgehammer.

... I am accused of being crazy. I post on social media. I get very little support. The message I'm receiving is: your perception is inaccurate, we all have a human right to happiness and respect but you should be ashamed of exposing yourself like that. It makes you look vulnerable, it tarnishes our code of taboo subjects, think about your reputation, bc we as a society are not comfortable with displays of vulnerability. Call a hotline or something.

You know what? I dont need a fucking hotline. My counselor didnt even recognize me during our last phone session. Fuck this system. I'm on my own. And if I have to become more viscous and bitter to fit in, I prefer to stand alone.

[travellers-survivor-old-west]

Episode 2.0: "I ate a Bagel and we SNAPPED" - Eve

After the “Ginger Curse” met its next Travellers Survivor victim....... 

Whew okay so I don't know anyone on my tribe (kinda) which is good but also a bit scary since its just 6 of us. Overall, I feel like everyone's a bit quiet and not too talkative. That being said, they might be talking a bunch in PMs. Right now, I am trying to stay under the radar and just be friendly with everyone. I really like Austin, Eve and Patrick right now. Keaton and Isaac are nice too but I dont really talk to them as much. If we would have lost this first immunity challenge I would have definitely wanted to vote for one of them. No official alliances yet but its still early so I think its okay. THANK FUCKING GOD WE WON. Okay well, we got 2nd but thats a win in my eyes. I just really hope I make it to jury and I will be happy so not being first boot is GREAT. Im trying to get this damn idol but I cant catch a fucking break and my ass keeps getting zapped... I dont think anyone has gotten the idol yet so I hope i get lucky and somehow get to it first. Here is how I see everyone as of right now: Austin: Probably my fave right now and hoping I can get into a f2 with him. He's funny and sweet and I feel like we get along and its pretty easy to talk to him. Eve: Eve is iconic! Want to work with her but I feel like she is really social so she might be a threat later on. Pat: Same as Eve, even though I just met him, I actually have known about him before since he is friends with some of my friends. I know he does good in games so he is someone I would like to see leave a bit sooner since I think he will be hard to get rid of later. But hes amazing and his video for the music video was ICONIC. I can see him and I becoming friends for sure. Keaton: Not much to say, I do know keaton from playing a game with him in the past but he was voted out first I think and then I hosted him in HOS but i wasnt super active in that one :) Anyway, I feel like we dont have much to talk about so I need to make more of an effort with him. I really wouldnt care to see him go tbh but who knows, this can definitely change if we start talking more. Isaac: omg okay so night one I go into everyones PMs to say hi and i notice that I already had messages with him which I found super weird because I didnt know who he was but I guess we kind of got into it like 3 years ago??? I told him I didnt remember this but i do. He was basically an asshole to me for no fucking reason. But this was 3 years ago so i really dont care so I hope he doesnt try to target me over it. He seems nice I guess but I havnt really talked to him much. In his defense he has been sick apparently but if we would have gone into this first TC I would have wanted to see him voted out first for sure.

We won thanks to the combine efforts of Nick, Chloe, and Aidan. All kings and queens! I probably should say something about the vote switch last time. Yeah that happened. Didn’t even realize cas was part of the tribe. Great social game 10/10. So sorry Payton <33. Now we wait to see who goes but so far I quite like nick, Chloe and Aidan. Idk if I can take Chloe that far tho. I feel like she’s gonna get targeted by the other tribes when we merge if we survive that long anyways. I feel like out of our tribe, Nick has the best change of making it to f4 but I’m not sure he’ll be able to win. Payton has a job that takes him away so :/ if we lose again, he’s probably gonna be voted out next. I mean if I’m taken out of the picture. I’m pretty sure the tribe thinks I’m hella annoying but they need me on their side for now. :^)

Lmaoooooo well thank fuck we won because my ass was on the chopping block lmaoooo. My ass didn’t volunteer to do the challenge either because I fucking suck at memory so mfjrkjskfks lmaoooo fuck me man. I’m barely scrapping by but here I am

So happy we are safe again! I'm so use to going to tribal everytime lol. I think now would be a good time to get ashley eve and isaac all together on the same page with me for some kind of alliance

What's up though? Here we are in Survivor: Old West, losing the second immunity challenge and we have a specific reason to point to in Xander. I'm sure he tried his best, but when it came my turn to answer the questions I was only able to give correct answers about the information he gave me. I personally think he is the person that is going to help us the least, but Sammy was not in that challenge. In the challenge that Sammy mainly participated in, Nicole was the person that made things difficult for us. That brings us to late last night where Sammy decides to be the first person to throw out a name and pick Nicole, gives his reasons, and that's it for me once the name is said and agreed upon in my alliance, it's done that's the plan. Now all there is to do is see what Xander and Dylan say, and we're done. I hope so anyway, I could sit here and ponder if Sammy had ulterior motives or if this is a good move for me but at this moment I don't want to overthink anything, so we chillin' --- Oh as I was writing this I found a Vote Reveal advantage on space 25 on the railroad, which I am guessing means there are more things on 50 and 75. Vote Reveal is a bit useless but maybe there will be a specific situation where it will work out.

So so happy our tribe won that challenge. Honestly idk how to feel about this game. Im trying really hard to be social with people so IF we lose im okay but I feel like everyone except Austin is actively reaching out to me. I basically start all the conversations. So to me either people are a bit inactive in this game/ dont care about the game or theyre already forming alliances and dont really need to talk to me. Im really hoping its that theyre inactive. Right now Isaac and Keaton can go, they literally just leave me on read and dont try to talk to me. I had a good conversation with austin WHO I FUCKING LOVE IM SO GLAD HES HERE and he wants to start an alliance soon. We both agree Eve would be a good option but he also mentioned that he would like isaac or pat to join it. This lets me know he likes isaac so they must be talking so idk why he isnt talking to me but whatever. Anyways.. I would love an alliance with Austin, Eve and Pat but a four person alliance when theres only 6 of us can be scary. Luckily our tribe has been doing well in challenges so far but we will probably have to go to TC at some point and thats when shit is going to go down. I can def see people possibly wanting to vote me so im going to start being even more social and get that alliance going with Austin. I wouldnt mind seeing Isaac or keaton going if we do go to TC next round. I doubt anyone has the idol yet and holy shit im so bad at this i always get zapped. I need Jess, Micheal or Alyssa to rig this shit for me please

The challenge involved having people active on call.... And to be honest I didn't want to do it for us. But I offered because I don't want to be that guy. Anyways. We lost but barely. Got our hopes up saying 8/10 if only Michael could count. Makes me wonder what's really going on up there in his head. I'm just glad the votes seem to be off me this time. But we can only hope. I did my part of the competition. So they can't entirely fault me.

Okay so I’m in an alliance w Jared and Owen and I think I mentioned that. I honestly wanted to sit out of the challenge bc I just needed a break. However, we lost and in my head I immediately thought to vote Nicole. She really hasn’t put in too much for these challenges and I know she’s on vacation. Xander would be my next choice just because he is short on responses and I feel like he would vote me out over Jared or Owen and a i assume he’s closer to them after the challenge. I’d like to work with Dylan on the side if possible. I’m just chillin hoping this first tribal isn’t a blindside and if it’s against me then hoes ain’t loyal and that ain’t very western like. I don’t think they would betray me this early tho and I have faith in my alliance.

I feel like these people are carrying me at this point and that is A okay with me. I’m running the Iditarod and they’re my dogs

OKAY WOW PAT EVE AND I POPPED THE FUCK OFFFFFF we did everything we needed in life and it was beautiful. I'm not really doing alot in this game I'm just floating along woooo

Welp it's been real y'all. No one had talked to me since the challenge much and only sammy has said maybe it's me and Dylan says it's definitely me.

Hi welcome to my lifeeeeeee today i ate a bagel and we SNAPPED in the immunity, I FUCKING KILLED IT, (thanks keaton!!!!!) HEHE HAHA IM SO CUTE Waitin for this Alliance to be made tbh but what do i know, we're gonna keep SNAPPING so whatever ladies xoxoxoxoxox