#they help you with your problems that you sometimes forget theyre human and have issues too

[yoonyia]

accidently instilled a god complex into someone

woopsies

my therapy is failing

[imagines-mha]

League of villains and the type of s/o they need

Characters: Shigaraki, Dabi, Twice, Toga, Spinner, Compress, Kurogiri

➟ Did someone say patient??

➟ Before you guys date, be prepared for a LONG, SLOW, AGONISING wait

➟ He’ll push you away 93817 times before even letting you know his favourite colour smh

➟ You'll have to be thick-skinned. He has a tendency of saying things he doesn’t mean to test your ability to put up with him

➟ It wouldn’t be surprising if he tried his best to turn you off him cus he doesn’t believe he deserves ur love :(

➟ Affection is key, but in small doses

➟ When you’re alone and he’s being vulnerable- don’t treat him like he’s weird. Don’t even point it out, just let it happen and he’ll love you forever cus it takes a LOT for him to put down his guard

➟ Run your fingers through his hair, lace your pinky with his- cliché little reminders of your love. Remember how utterly touch-starved he is- the tiniest touches mean everything

➟ Having a motherly nature would be helpful. He forgets to shower, eat, drink water, function, and he’ll really appreciate your gentle reminders as opposed to kurogiri’s nagging ones

➟ Also- he’s a tantrum child with both mommy and daddy issues. You’re gonna need to be there for him when he gets out of hand

➟ Someone like his mother would be ideal for him: soft, understanding, gentle, caring

➢ Yeah ur gonna have to be able to throw a few punches when the time comes

➢ He’s gonna run ur ass deep into the ground with his hard-hitting comments and straight-up insults. And he’ll probably pick a fight with you just to see how your body moves 🙄

➢ He doesn’t rlly mean what he says. He just finds it hot when you get mad

➢ If you’re good at arguing then dam 😳😳 he’s gonna be SHOOK

➢ You gotta like to tease, and like to be teased. He’ll pull your hair while he walks past you, you’ll shove him into the door when he’s not on guard. Simple things, yaknow?

➢ Enemies to lovers; slow burn; 500k

➢ He’s a secret glutton for your touch tho. Has no issue with grabbing your ass in public or dragging you into his room to fuck you whenever he wants. Be spontaneous 🧚🏻‍♀️✨

➢ POSSESSIVE DOE 😳

➢ If he sees you being too friendly with one of the members the league, then good luck bro cus his punishments HURT LIKE A BITCH

➢ Remind him he’s the only one you want- the only one you have eyes for. Then he’ll be satisfied

➟ please give him your heart. All of it.

➟ He’ll nourish it and water it and care for it like he’s never done with anything else before

➟ Boy has got so much love to give and he wants to give it ALL to you

➟ Someone spontaneous would suit him well. He’s excitable, and operates on a lot of last minute decisions. If you’re regulated with schedules and times, he’s not the guy for you

➟ You gotta be versatile. Able to take high ass doses of energy one second and snarky comments the next

➟ Also thick-skinned. If he splits and calls you a bitch, he doesn’t mean it. It hurts but you gotta understand it- plus he’ll make up for it with thousands of apologies afterwards

➟ Someone who can take a LOT of affection and PDA. If he’s in the same room as you, you can bet your ass he’s gonna be HOLLERING about how much he loves you. His hands will NEVER stop touching you when you’re together in public

➟ He’s so soft. Listen to him bro. Like hear his struggles and trace your fingers over his scars and tell him all he means to you

➟ He’s a baby when it comes to comfort man he just wants someone to hold him

➢ Oh my god DUDE you have got to have SO MUCH SKILL

➢ She’s a problem child at best. If you ain’t gonna at least guide her in the direction of right and wrong, you and your family might end up dead

➢ Just a reminder of her love

➢ Sometimes you gotta talk to her like she’s a child to make her understand. Her moral compass was blown to bits years ago- she’s gonna need someone firm

➢ But also someone who can handle her extent

➢ She’s very forward- and she’ll probably try to take your blood more than you’d probably want her to

➢ But once you tame her, she’s a cutie

➢ Talks a lot calmer with you- and seems a hell of a lot more human than before

➢ She’s really good at listening to you, and even better at taking you into her arms and treating you like you’re the most important thing in the entire world

➢ because to her, u are 🥺

➢ When she chills out, falling in love with her is as easy as pie

➟ Someone NON JUDGEMENTAL.

➟ He genuinely doesn't believe he deserves love. Like ik it’s emo but he’s been thru some shit and he thinks he’s gonna die alone

➟ u gonna need to prove him wrong

➟ Any kind of affection makes him red in the face and dizzy. With that in mind, give him all the affection you have

➟ You gotta be clean too cus his room is a MESS and he’s gonna need the reminders and help fixing it up

➟ Same interests would be nice, or at least have an understanding for gaming and why he loves it sm

➟ If you’re a girl who plays grand theft auto tho,,, he’s 😳 simping respectfully

➟ But fr you gotta treat this man like he’s the cutest guy in the world. He’s flustered as fuck, but he has SO much love in him

➟ You gotta have some level of maturity. He has no time for lackadaisy, over-bubbly girls who are never sad

➟ Show him your depth and then he’ll knock down his walls

➢ Can you handle a tease??

➢ God i fuckin hope you can cus this man is RELENTLESS

➢ You gotta have some level of class like let’s not lie

➢ If you’re well-versed in poetry, got that dark academia aesthetic goin on, read a lot- he’ll FALL SO HARD

➢ he just wants that live-mysteriously-in-the-woods-with-my-lady aesthetic

➢ Act surprised and impressed when he graces you with his magic tricks. He’ll want to show you first, since your acceptance is his top priority so u better act like one direction has reunited to give you a personal bedroom concert u hear me x

➢ You gotta be a romantic. Man’s gonna perform the most GRANDIOSE expressions of love

➢ Kissing your knuckles, dipping you into his arms, bridal style carrying you everywhere, cheesy old-fashioned pet names???? Atsuhiro has GOT it

➢ And he loves to hear it all back

➢ He’s a dad, too. And he wants a girl who is motherly. It may sound traditional, but if you know how to cook and clean etc like a housewife, he’ll be swooning

➟ Oh my god you have got to be delicate. And you have to be okay with being babied

➟ He’s a quiet man with a hell of a lot of strength. He does manage the entire league of problematic kids after all

➟ If you’re mature like he is with a romantic side, he’ll be drawn to you so fast like SNAP. U got his whispy heart beating

➟ But also- be a little carefree yakno like he loves to relax as much as the next genetically modified ex-hero-in-training rip shirakumo

➟ Loves the type of girl who’s unafraid to be truly romantic. Slowdance with him in the bar at 3am and he’ll believe his entire life is worth living

➟ Also pls support him when he cracks his dad jokes 😭 ik theyre terrible but he needs the love smh 😔

➟ He’ll ask if you want to go mountain climbing and oh my god SAY YES HE’LL MELT

➟ If you’re good at tending to the league (whether it’s by being a good listener or patching them up after fights) he’ll be more attracted to you. The league are his greatest treasures, and you being friendly with them will only make his love for you grow

[josephbinningyoumatter]

Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us

Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us

Boundaries, we all know what they are. As children, they teach us what a boundary is. How far we can go before we get in trouble. Where the line is that we just can’t cross. They have taught us this for our own protection. To keep us safe. We sometimes even put up with things that annoy us, bother us, concern us, or even scare us and completely ignore the lesson of boundaries. As we grow and learn to spread our wings, we, as humans, forget the lesson of boundaries. We can be more forgiving, possibly even be more tolerant in some situations to be a good person. According to IPFW/Parkview Student Assistance Program: “A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin, and the other person ends... The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is to protect and take good care of you” (n. d.). Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us — Joseph Binning When we don’t have a strong sense of self value or identity, it may show that we have not set proper healthy boundaries in our lives. Boundaries, what you will or will not tolerate, protect you. Words lead to actions. Actions lead to results. Results lead to consequences. Sometimes terrible consequences. Boundaries can be emotional, physical, or mental, depending on the situation we need them for. Boundaries are self-care. You can read more on this here:https://www.josephbinning.com/why-the-message-you-matter-even-if-you-dont-think-so-is-so-important-now/ Setting up healthy boundaries can have many benefits, including helping people decide based on what’s best for them, not just the people or circumstances around them. So, what are Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us. Boundaries are the separation you keep between yourself and another person or a particular circumstance for your own wellbeing. When we ignore our own wellbeing over another person’s we are telling ourselves that we don’t matter. We tell ourselves the other person is more important, or worthy, than we are. We send ourselves the wrong message.

When we ignore our own wellbeing over another person’s we are telling ourselves that we don’t matter. At work, for example, always keep your personal life separate from your work life. That means when others gossip about someone you might know, politely, but firmly, inform them you do not wish to hear such things. Will this cause you tension with co-workers, possibly. In the workplace, people forget that we should always strive to set a professional standard. These things backfire, especially when someone finds out from someone else that someone has been gossiping about them and you are in the middle of it. If this happens you will have wished, you would have set a boundary. In a relationship, be it friendship or romantic, always set boundaries of what you will not accept. If for example you do not appreciate being spoken to in a loud voice, politely, yet firmly, inform the other party that that is not acceptable with you and be willing to draw a line in the sand on the issue. You can read more on this here:https://www.josephbinning.com/relationships%e2%9c%b5are-not-about-sex-theyre-about-you/   People will not respect you until they see what it is you respect.  — Joseph Binning People will not respect you until they see what it is you respect, especially if it’s you that you respect. By communicating your boundaries to the other person, you will prevent resentment and or possibly anger from arising in either of you. Stand firm in your boundaries. When you set a boundary with someone you do not need to over-explain the reason why you set it with them. Briefly, say why it is not acceptable to you and expect them to honor it. By drawing a line in the sand and saying to the other person “you can go this far before we have a problem” you are communicating your boundaries. This is Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us. If they know where the line is that they cannot cross with you, they cannot hurt you. It's when we fudge the line, when we erase it and draw another trying to be “flexible” that we lose sight of why we set the boundaries. We dishonor ourselves and the peace we deserve in our lives when we do not honor our boundaries. With all boundary violations must come a consequence if we are to honor ourselves.   “When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom” (Cloud & Townsend, 2002).   As parents, we set boundaries for our children. It's for their protection. “No Johnny, you can’t play catch on the freeway”. Sounds silly saying it, but it’s a good example of a healthy boundary. Johnny really wants to play catch, but you as a parent do not want to see the consequences of what might happen should a car speeding should hit him. For the same reason we need to set similar boundaries for ourselves, to prevent the consequences of what might happen if there were no boundary set. When we set boundaries for ourselves, we become more secure. Secure that we are honoring ourselves, possibly for the first time in our lives, because we matter. Because we will not tolerate what we do not wish to have manifest in our lives. “What we don’t tolerate, cannot manifest in our lives.” — Joseph Binning Boundaries work both ways. We need to set personal boundaries within our own lives to maintain a level of peace within ourselves. Knowing we re-think a boundary, or re-shape it, or just plain old forget it entirely negatively affects our self-esteem and our sense of self-worth. When we do not honor ourselves, first, we cannot be honorable or be worth honoring by others.   In my recently published book titled You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here  Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so I discuss Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.   If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see things. — Joseph Binning       You can read more about change and why you need to do it here:https://www.josephbinning.com/change%e2%9c%b5why-its-necessary-and-how-to-do-it-well-2/

  If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.  

Nelson, D. (2016, December 8). Self-Care 101: Setting Healthy Boundaries. Retrieved from http://www.dananelsoncounseling.com/blog/self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/ Cloud, H., Townsend, J. (2002). Boundaries in Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan. Read the full article

[apatheticaria]

my spoilery thoughts on the last of us part ii

i apologize in advance for this super long post that you have to scroll past because i don’t know how to do the “keep reading” option thing

the only reason i’m writing this out is because i’m literally going insane from not being able to talk about my feelings for this game to anyone since no one i know actually cares lmao so this is mainly just for myself and anyone who wants to read this

the intro:

as i played through this game, i also watched a few playthroughs up until the point where i stopped to take a break. this was a game i couldn’t binge just because it’s so heavy and intense and sometimes you just gotta step away and take a breather

one of the playthroughs i followed along with was jacksepticeye’s and at the end he gave his review of the game like he normally does. i didn’t completely agree with everything he said, but for the most part i thought what he said lined up pretty well with my own opinion.

in particular, one thing that stood out to me was when he said that the introduction to this game shouldn’t have been Joel talking to Tommy about what he did at the end of the first game, but rather the whole flashback of Ellie’s birthday at the museum. then at “one” during the countdown to liftoff, the screen should’ve went black and fast forwarded to four-years-older Ellie opening her eyes in her home in Jackson (idk if i’m explaining this well, but Jack’s editor, Robin, edits this together and really sold it to me. if you wanna see it, go to the last part of Jack’s playthrough and look for it towards the last 30 minutes). i think this would have given us the time i think we all needed with Joel before he died and all the following flashbacks would be more focused on how/why Joel and Ellie’s relationship turned so distant - or hostile on Ellie’s part - and could’ve helped the pacing a bit.

Joel’s death:

potentially an unpopular opinion? but i actually like how Joel died. or uh lemme rephrase, i like the way they wrote his death. in this world of violence, hate, and brutality (actually doesn’t sound too off from our world but ahem moving on), i think the way he died was realistic, especially since he doomed all of humanity by saving Ellie in Part I. it just makes a lot of sense that someone would go after him and hunt him down

from the moment Abby and Owen stood over Jackson from the cliff, i was thinking: well theyre gonna kill Joel and since we’re gonna probably be playing as this girl for some (emphasis on some) of the game, they’re gonna go hard on the grey area of perspective in terms of revenge. which i was super on board with, but we’ll get back to that

when this game was first advertised, i didn’t know how i felt about a revenge story. it’s been told so many times and i’m never as hell-bent on revenge as much as the character is because it never feels warranted enough. that is, until i saw Joel die. watching Ellie pinned to the floor with a perfect view of his body, his face, beat to shit as she screams and begs for Abby to stop? haha that’s fucked Naughty Dog, thanks. but i do appreciate that they were able to make me just as mad as Ellie because of just how brutal his death was and how much i care, cared, about that character. no story has ever made me so incredibly enraged to the point i was with the main character full-stop to just destroy the perpetrator and take revenge. that’s why i think the way Joel dies is perfectly done. the fact that that cutscene is so horrible to watch for so many reasons just proves that it does it’s job.

Ellie’s half:

i actually don’t have too much to say about Ellie’s half of the story. this was what i both expected and wanted from the game, the whole game. while i can’t say i was having “fun”, because this isn’t really a fun game to play, you know what i mean when i say that this part was fun to play and follow.

side note: Naughty Dog’s improvement of your NPC buddy is so good, Dina and Jesse were both actually helpful, still not perfect, but also they’re not supposed to do all the work for you. i think the added layer that they could also get caught/seen and alert the enemy was completely unexpected and such a good addition to the gameplay (ofc this goes for Lev as well).

throughout the whole story, there’s kinda a problem with the pacing, and i know i’m not the first person to say that. however, i think the only big pacing issue i had with Ellie’s perspective was that kinda weird attempt of an open world map that they did with the gates. it felt a little unnecessary since i, and most other people, are playing for the story, not an open world with various side quest-like things. i missed the guitar cutscene with Ellie playing the guitar and singing to Dina (which kinda sucks, but i obviously just watched it after) because i just wanted to get back to the story rather than explore a large area. it was an attempt at something different so i won’t fault the game for that too much, but also stay in your lane lol so that section was a bit of a miss for me personally. i really liked the rest of it though, it had me engaged the whole time

Abby’s half:

ok. i have a lot to say about this half of the game since this is where most the problems occur.

first, let me preface this by saying that i don’t hate Abby. as i said, from the very beginning i knew she was going to have a, not justifiable, but an understandable reason for murdering Joel and that the game was going to be about seeing two sides to the same story. except, at the same time, i came here for Ellie, so why am i playing as this heterosexual? im mostly kidding. but fr i didn’t need the entire half of the game trying to get me to sympathize with Abby. i really didn’t need the message to be so spelt out for me, i got it from the moment i realized she was going to kill a favorite character.

i think my main gripe with the way they told this story is the way they formatted it. this story has all the elements to be amazing, but the execution just lacked the...finesse? idk if that’s the right word.

rather than splitting up the game into two halves, they could/should have integrated Abby’s story into Ellie’s so that when we cut from Abby holding the gun at Ellie in the theater to suddenly Abby as a young girl, it won’t feel so jarring when we have to start all over again with the upgrades and the timeline.

i really liked how we switched between them in the very beginning so why couldn’t that have just continued? in a book with multiple povs, the author often switches back and forth between every or every few chapters. you never see a book that starts with one perspective, then at the climax you have to start all over again from the other. at least, i’ve never seen this in any books i’ve read and i’ve read a lot ngl

maybe they forced us to stick with Abby for so long because if we’re forced to play as her, then we’re forced to get invested into her story. while this makes sense, it also really degraded at my enthusiasm for the game. it took me so long to just give up on the idea that we would be going back to Ellie relatively soon and when i did actually realize that was what was happening i was really disappointed.

instead of separating their stories, i would’ve liked to have Abby maybe one step behind Ellie the whole time so that while we play we’re just anticipating when Abby will finally catch up and it builds to this whole thing. instead, when we actually got to the point where everything was supposed to go down, we’re hit with whiplash and back to the very beginning with tutorials?? like did they just expect us to forget how to play since we switched characters?

i’m thinking, after Ellie and Dina jump over the barbed wire that explodes and Ellie’s knocked out, we could have switched over to Abby waking up in the WLF stadium. after Abby sneaks out of the stadium and you have that interaction with Jordan where he mentions Leah at the tv station, then we go back to Ellie waking up and tied to the table and we see Ellie kill Jordan.

after this i think Abby should have met Lev and Yara way sooner because i barely even remember what happened before Abby was caught by the seraphites it was so boring. so she gets caught by the seraphites AFTER we meet them through Ellie being shot through the shoulder (i still want to get all the first impressions of new stuff with Ellie because then it still makes her feel like the main character) and we meet the siblings and blahblahblah.

as a follow up, after Ellie kills Nora, which by the way, Ellie’s facial expressions are just so good with the red light while she’s just beating Nora to death? wow that entire interaction was so well done. anyway, after Ellie kills Nora, and Ellie gets back to the theater and the scene ends with her and Dina hugging, then we would switch to that whole section with Abby and Lev traveling to the hospital to get the meds and it would be cool if on her way in, Nora helps Abby and then on her way out, we run into a door we have trouble opening so we push and when it opens, Nora’s beaten up body is right there.

you get the gist. Abby’s story was barely intertwined with Ellie’s until the very end where she finds Owen and Mel dead. she doesn’t know that literally everyone else, except Leah, is dead too. i feel like that would’ve made the impact of Abby and Ellie’s fight at the theater more effective. affective? whatever i’m not an english nerd

i also think we should have gotten the flashback with Abby’s dad a little later when we’re expected to understand her character a bit more.

overall, i’m not mad about getting Abby’s side of the story, but i am mad that the way it was told felt so disconnected from Ellie. we could still get that whole arc of Abby going to the island to get Lev, she can still get her own story apart from Ellie, but she needed to have more of a interaction with Ellie’s actions.

Abby vs. Ellie, Abby’s pov:

i absolutely hate this fight. i really hate the way it was written and the way it happened. i get that the game is trying to give us Abby’s perspective and to show that in her point of view, Ellie is the villain in this story.

except, AGAIN, i don’t need this spoon fed to me!!! i KNOW that the world isn’t black and white and that people’s perspectives are different, but also? i don’t really care. both characters have gone through shit and both have done shitty things. neither of them are innocent, no one in this world is innocent (hence why i really dislike Mel, but that’s not really relevant), so it really comes down to which character you value more. in my - and most other people’s - case, it’s Ellie. i know the whole point of this fight is to make the player uncomfortable, but i wasn’t just uncomfortable, it made me legitimately start to dislike this game (spoiler for the end of this stupid-long review: i don’t completely dislike it)

the game really emphasizes that this is Abby’s story as much as it is Ellie’s and i get that, but this fight did not need to happen the way it did and the game didn’t need to be even longer after this. a lot of people say that we played from Abby’s perspective because Ellie would have killed Abby and that would be that (and she did, by the way, i relished watching Ellie get her revenge because while i don’t hate Abby, it was still so satisfying even if that wasn’t how the game wanted me to play). however however however, Abby wouldn’t have showed mercy either. she was absolutely going to kill Ellie if Dina hadn’t intervened then she was going to kill Dina if Lev hadn’t intervened.

here’s how i wouldve wanted it to go: we go back to Ellie’s perspective once Abby has the gun pointed at Ellie in the lobby and during their fight, Ellie would get the upper hand because she has weapons and shit (let’s be honest, Ellie would not win in hand-to-hand combat with fully-healthy Abby, we saw that first hand). Lev would try to jump in, but then Dina would disarm him and prevent him from escaping her grasp. then eventually Ellie would have the barrel of the shotgun pointed at Abby’s face and she would hear Lev tell her to please stop don’t kill her and Ellie would listen because the same exact thing happened to her (we could get a short flashback or something for more emotions, idk). so instead of killing Abby, Ellie would knock her out and her and Dina would leave and Lev would run to Abby’s unconscious body. this would end that cycle of revenge and because Abby has something more important to her than revenge (Lev), they would move on.

the ending:

if the game went how i just imagined, we probably wouldn’t get an ending that’s as depressing and open ended as it is, but i’m sure Neil and his team could figure something out, such as Ellie still has to deal with PTSD and Tommy’s really pissed at them and Ellie still looses her two fingers. so we get that little domestic sequence and the PTSD flashback and Tommy coming with his eye missing and showing the map. he leaves and when Ellie is about to leave in the middle of the night, Dina convinces her this time to stay and the next day Ellie tries to play the guitar one last time before giving up since she doesn’t have her fingers (i still want that last heartbreaking flashback, that one fucked me up i love it) and she goes out to leave it somewhere in the woods with it all ending with her walking away from the guitar that Joel gave her to symbolize her letting him go. idk man something like that, still not that open ended, but i’m just talking out of my ass rn

anyway that’s not how it went so we’ll stick to reality.

an open ending isn’t supposed to be unsatisfying, because that’s what this ending was. Part I does an open ending perfectly as we still get closure even though we don’t know exactly how things go afterwards (until now obviously).

after playing from Abby’s perspective for so goddamn long, it was weird to play as Ellie again, even while it was also a relief, and that makes me really sad. in the end, i did feel bad for Abby when she was literally left to starve and “hang” (but again i didn’t need 15+ hours in order to feel basic sympathy).

from the way they wrote the story, i knew Ellie wasn’t going to let it go and she was going to leave Dina and JJ. it made sense and i don’t think it was out of character for her, but the fact they did that in the first place and that Abby was the one to let go first? Abby got her revenge, she killed Joel, but Ellie never got that closure so of course she was going to go after Abby.

in the very end, Ellie is left with no one and Abby still has Lev and a group of fireflies to run to. Ellie’s biggest fear was being alone as she said in the first game, but that’s exactly what she’s left with. yeah life is unfair and i do like that the consequences feel real in this story, but i don’t think Ellie deserved to be done so damn dirty while Abby is living her best life. sure all of Abby’s friends were murdered because of Ellie and Dina leaving is Ellie’s own fault and i don’t blame Dina, but i mean we have no idea what happens to Ellie after this, where she goes. it at least feels like she’s on the road to eventually being relatively okay, as okay as you can be in this world.

i can’t completely articulate how i feel about this ending, even after three days having finished playing. all i do know is that while it’s realistic how Ellie’s story ended, i would’ve liked for Abby to get the same treatment. for her to not actually find the fireflies through the radio and escape from the Rattlers only to have no where to go so that, just like Ellie, revenge cost her everything and we don’t know where she went after.

maybe because Abby’s story was pretty much wrapped up and Ellie’s wasn’t, they’re planning for a trilogy, but i guess we’ll see.

the tldr;

this game has all the elements it needed to be amazing overall imo, i just wish they were all utilized Better. the reason it’s so hard to figure out how i feel about this game is because it has so much potential that just never came through and i’m really jealous of all the people who were blown away by this story. it’s still a good game though, but a 7/10 seems too high and 6/10 seems to low. ig it’s a 6.5/10 for me.

thanks for reading if you made it this far

[carinaconnor5]

How to Talk When You Think They’re Lying

There’s are many common myths about people who struggle with substance use disorders. One of the oldest and well known is that all substance users have profound character flaws that results in chronic lying. In fact, if you google “addicts are liars” you find a list of 408,000 articles that discuss this very topic (https://goo.gl/HwWTKf). First, it’s not true that all people who struggle with substance use are liars and second, it is common for anyone, even people who don’t use substances to lie about behaviors they are not proud of! And, when you’re really struggling with a drug or alcohol problem, behaviors you’re not proud of are pretty easy to come by.

Lying is a tool that almost everyone uses at one time or another to try and mitigate negative reactions and emotions in others. It’s a human communication strategy that is as old as time itself. When you know that telling the truth is going to cause the other person to react negatively, it can be tempting to change your story in order to keep things running smoothly and maintain the relationship. We’ve all done it, and we’ve all seen it work.

When you have a substance use problem, odds are someone in your life has negative feelings about what you are doing. They are at the very least confused, and more likely frightened or angry (most likely both!). When people you care about are upset with your behavior, it can feel like all eyes are on you and that’s a lot of pressure, especially when you are engaged in a behavior pattern that you may very well be ambivalent about! Maybe you have told them you want to change (and you actually do want to!) but keep getting faced with situations that you were unprepared for and have old habits kick in. There may be other times where they really want you to change and you just don’t have the same concerns. Regardless of the reason, if you have friends and family watching your behavior closely, there can be a very normal impulse to lie and try to convince everyone there is nothing to look at!

And when you think about the issue of lying you cannot discount the effect of stigma. When you’re really struggling with a behavior problem that is stigmatized, like abusing drugs, there is the added component of shame. The temptation to lie about behaviors you feel ashamed about can be really strong. And, once you’ve lied, it can hard to resist telling more lies in order to maintain the story you’re trying to portray. Because not lying will often put you in direct contact with shaming responses from the outside world. Hence, the cycle continues.

So, if your loved one is struggling (and struggling to tell the truth!), how are you supposed to talk to them and get them to tell you what is actually going on so that you can support them? Or help them want to change their behavior? How should you communicate with someone that you suspect is in a cycle of lying described above? How do you have a conversation when you can’t trust what the other person is saying?

You can begin by thinking through what your goal is for the conversation. What do you want to get out of it? Do you want them to just hear your thoughts and concerns? Are there specific behavior changes that you’d like to see? What are you hoping they will share with you and why? How will having that information help you? Are you hoping to open up a line of communication that will continue over time? Each one of those topics may require different ways of communicating. By figuring out where you want to end up, you can focus on managing your part of the communication, regardless of what the other person is saying. For example, if you heard that your daughter got fired from her job, and she’s saying that she was only late once but they just “have it out for her” (and you don’t believe that she’s being honest with you about her tardiness), it helps to think about what you want to achieve in this conversation. Perhaps your goal is to help her think about what she needs to do to get a new job, or to help her think through strategies for being on time regularly. Neither of those topics require her to “fess up” and be more honest, instead they circumvent the lying and steer the conversation toward topics that can help her do better moving forward. Focusing on the lie can move you away from your end goal of trying to support positive behavior change.

Sometimes however, the lie must be addressed. In these cases, it can be helpful to step back and try to understand the “function” of the lie. Try to hold the idea that the lie (“I’m not using”) is probably not meant to be hurtful, rather it is an unsuccessful attempt to maintain the relationship and avoid the discomfort of a fight or confrontation. See if you can speak to the function of the lie, (e.g., “I imagine it’s hard to be honest when you know I am upset and you are ambivalent about stopping”). It can also be helpful to tell them you will try to manage your response so that a honest conversation can actually happen (“I am going to try and stay calm while we talk so that you can maybe tell me what is going on.”). And most important, try to spell out your overall goal for the conversation (e.g., I want to understand what you are experiencing and try to be helpful if I can be”). And if you do happen to get a response that feel like an honest one, don’t forget to reinforce them for being honest (“thank you so much for sharing that with me, I really appreciate your honesty.”) For more information on validation and empathy, see this section of the 20 Minute Guide.

Besides communicating with words, you can help influence honesty by the actions you take. To do this, you want to think about ways that you can help reinforce honesty, and how to put some consequences in place for lying.

When it comes to reinforcing the behavior you want to support, in this case honesty, it can be as simple as just noticing, or giving verbal praise for any healthy behavioral choices or honesty/openness in conversations. It might not sound like much, but it goes a long way to encouraging another person to keep up that behavior. When you struggling it can feel like you are doing everything wrong, so what’s the point of changing. When someone notices that you made a change and they actually give you credit for it, it can fuel the desire to make more changes.

Putting some consequence in place for lying is a bit more tricky. You want to be clear that you don’t appreciate that they are being dishonest, all the while avoiding being too punitive (which will actually increase their desire to lie). Also, the very nature of lying is that you might not know for sure if they are engaging in a lie in that moment! The solution to this is to be clear about your expectations up front, and how you will handle situations of uncertainty or suspicion of lies.

To do this, it is helpful to start by laying out what they can do to demonstrate that they are being truthful. Is there some way that they can provide evidence to you to back up what they are saying? Or maybe you can establish a regular “check-in” so that you have more data. By establishing what constitutes “truth,” (e.g., a negative drug test, being able to stay within a budget and not need more money) you also establish what will constitute “not-truth” (e.g., a missed drug test, running out of money for suspicious reasons). This also gives you the ability to say how you will handle a “not-truth” situation. Let your loved one know up-front what will happen if that situation arises. For more information, see our section on Consequences in the 20 Minute Guide.

Dealing with dishonesty is a difficulty and trying aspect of behavior change. Taking a pinch of understanding and a dollop of action will help you to feel more in control of how you can help guide your loved one toward more honest interactions.

The post How to Talk When You Think They’re Lying appeared first on The Center for Motivation & Change.

from http://motivationandchange.com/how-to-talk-when-you-think-theyre-lying/

[josephbinningyoumatter]

Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us

Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us Boundaries, we all know what they are. As children, they teach us what a boundary is. How far we can go before we get in trouble. Where the line is that we just can’t cross. They have taught us this for our own protection. To keep us safe. We sometimes even put up with things that annoy us, bother us, concern us, or even scare us and completely ignore the lesson of boundaries. As we grow and learn to spread our wings, we, as humans, forget the lesson of boundaries. We can be more forgiving, possibly even be more tolerant in some situations to be a good person. According to IPFW/Parkview Student Assistance Program: “A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin, and the other person ends... The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is to protect and take good care of you” (n. d.). Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us — Joseph Binning When we don’t have a strong sense of self value or identity, it may show that we have not set proper healthy boundaries in our lives. Boundaries, what you will or will not tolerate, protect you. Words lead to actions. Actions lead to results. Results lead to consequences. Sometimes terrible consequences. Boundaries can be emotional, physical, or mental, depending on the situation we need them for. Boundaries are self-care. You can read more on this here:https://www.josephbinning.com/why-the-message-you-matter-even-if-you-dont-think-so-is-so-important-now/ Setting up healthy boundaries can have many benefits, including helping people decide based on what’s best for them, not just the people or circumstances around them. So, what are Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us. Boundaries are the separation you keep between yourself and another person or a particular circumstance for your own wellbeing. When we ignore our own wellbeing over another person’s we are telling ourselves that we don’t matter. We tell ourselves the other person is more important, or worthy, than we are. We send ourselves the wrong message. At work, for example, always keep your personal life separate from your work life. That means when others gossip about someone you might know, politely, but firmly, inform them you do not wish to hear such things. Will this cause you tension with co-workers, possibly. In the workplace, people forget that we should always strive to set a professional standard. These things backfire, especially when someone finds out from someone else that someone has been gossiping about them and you are in the middle of it. If this happens you will have wished, you would have set a boundary. In a relationship, be it friendship or romantic, always set boundaries of what you will not accept. If for example you do not appreciate being spoken to in a loud voice, politely, yet firmly, inform the other party that that is not acceptable with you and be willing to draw a line in the sand on the issue. You can read more on this here:https://www.josephbinning.com/relationships%e2%9c%b5are-not-about-sex-theyre-about-you/   People will not respect you until they see what it is you respect.  — Joseph Binning People will not respect you until they see what it is you respect, especially if it’s you that you respect. By communicating your boundaries to the other person, you will prevent resentment and or possibly anger from arising in either of you. Stand firm in your boundaries. When you set a boundary with someone you do not need to over-explain the reason why you set it with them. Briefly, say why it is not acceptable to you and expect them to honor it. By drawing a line in the sand and saying to the other person “you can go this far before we have a problem” you are communicating your boundaries. This is Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us. If they know where the line is that they cannot cross with you, they cannot hurt you. It's when we fudge the line, when we erase it and draw another trying to be “flexible” that we lose sight of why we set the boundaries. We dishonor ourselves and the peace we deserve in our lives when we do not honor our boundaries. With all boundary violations must come a consequence if we are to honor ourselves.   “When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom” (Cloud & Townsend, 2002).   As parents, we set boundaries for our children. It's for their protection. “No Johnny, you can’t play catch on the freeway”. Sounds silly saying it, but it’s a good example of a healthy boundary. Johnny really wants to play catch, but you as a parent do not want to see the consequences of what might happen should a car speeding should hit him. For the same reason we need to set similar boundaries for ourselves, to prevent the consequences of what might happen if there were no boundary set. When we set boundaries for ourselves, we become more secure. Secure that we are honoring ourselves, possibly for the first time in our lives, because we matter. Because we will not tolerate what we do not wish to have manifest in our lives. “What we don’t tolerate, cannot manifest in our lives.” — Joseph Binning Boundaries work both ways. We need to set personal boundaries within our own lives to maintain a level of peace within ourselves. Knowing we re-think a boundary, or re-shape it, or just plain old forget it entirely negatively affects our self-esteem and our sense of self-worth. When we do not honor ourselves, first, we cannot be honorable or be worth honoring by others.   In my recently published book titled You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here  Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so I discuss Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.   If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see things. — Joseph Binning       You can read more about change and why you need to do it here:https://www.josephbinning.com/change%e2%9c%b5why-its-necessary-and-how-to-do-it-well-2/   If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.   Nelson, D. (2016, December 8). Self-Care 101: Setting Healthy Boundaries. Retrieved from http://www.dananelsoncounseling.com/blog/self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/ Cloud, H., Townsend, J. (2002). Boundaries in Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan. Read the full article