#they keep tryna get a reaction outta me and i try so hard to not give them the satisfaction

[studying-space-of-annie]

I hate the people from my school so much.

[gyllenwrites]

Phone sex w jake?

....i feel like phone sex with jake is something sacred 

have y’all heard that man talk? that one clip from colbert where he says “hey princess?” yeah, imagine that picking up the phone

literally just asking him to stop at the store and pick up some milk on his way home would be like phone sex if you ask me

but in all seriousness, phone sex is definitely a thing with jake when he’s away from you

texting is risky business — he’s definitely accidentally sent someone texts meant for you before and you just have to hold back from teasing him endlessly about it or else he’s gonna make you pay for it, and something tells me he’s the type to just use the diction feature anyways because he can’t get the text on his phone big enough

besides, he prefers to hear your voice when he’s asking how your day’s been, or when he’s telling you about his day

definitely likes hearing the way your breath snags in your throat when he takes the conversation from innocent to something a little more ~suggestive~ and knowing he’s getting under your skin

“fuck, pretty girl,” he’d say as he stretches out on the hotel bed, phone loosely tucked between the pillow and his cheek as he rests one hand behind his head and the other adjusting his pants. “i miss you.”

“miss you, too,” you’d say with a quiet sigh. “just not the same without you here.”

“oh yeah? what’s different?”

and you can absolutely hear the smirk through the phone

and he’s not the type to let you get away with a quiet “you know”

he spares no detail and he expects the same outta you

“you been trying to get yourself off without me there?”

you just nod, even though he can’t see it. “it’s not the same,” you’d admit. “my fingers, toys...not like the real thing.”

and you can hear the slight adjustment he makes on the bed, the rustling on the sheets. “tell me, sweetheart,” he encourages in a low, honeyed voice, and you have no choice but to comply because fuck, that voice is enough to send a stroke of heat right down to your core and get you wet. “tell me what you do when i’m not there to take care of you.”

you close your eyes and let one of your hands snake south, teasing at your entrance. “touch myself,” you start, taking a deep breath. “rub at my clit before i push in a few fingers, imagining that it’s you. that it’s your fingers playing with my pussy, your hand inside me, your cock thrusting in and out of me. you take such good care of me, baby. just tryna live up to it.”

you hear the quiet groan from the other end of the phone and you clench your thighs together to tighten their grip on your hand where you’re already shallowly dipping your fingers inside of you, thumb nudging along your clit. 

“are you already fingering that pretty pussy of mine?” you reply with a quiet uh-huh and he laughs. “’course you are. so fuckin’ needy.”

“you wanna know what i’m gonna do to you when i get home?” jake prompts, and the rasp in his voice drives a whimper out of your throat, letting your imagination take you somewhere else entirely. your fingers venture a little deeper inside you. “i asked you a question, sweetheart.”

“yes,” you breathe out. “yes, i wanna know what you’ll do.”

“gonna spread you out on our bed,” he begins, and you have to adjust your phone onto the bed beside you so you’ve got both hands accessible. “and i’m gonna bury my head in between your thighs and leave hickeys all up the inside of ‘em so you know i was there, so you know who you belong to. and when i finally get up to that pussy, i’m sure a desperate little slut like you will already be dripping, won’t you?”

you’re already lost in his voice, letting his words fill your mind as your fingers try to compensate that a response comes easy (after you remember how to breathe, of course, your breath lodged in your throat from the moans and whimpers that you’re already drawing). “i’m always wet for you, daddy.”

jake laughs, a rough and gravelly noise, and you let your head fall back into the pillow. “’course you are, you’re my good girl. and i’ll make sure you get what you need  — i’ll eat your pussy out until you’re about to cry, begging me to let you come. i’ll let you ride my face, make a whole fuckin’ mess over my mouth and nose so that all i’ve gotta do is breathe and it’ll be like being back in that sweet pussy. you’d like that, huh? c’mon, baby girl, lemme hear you.”

it doesn’t take much; his voice and the imagery he paints inside your mind paired with the sensation of your fingers moving inside you is more than enough to draw out the moans from inside your throat. you don’t bother holding back, either, because there’s no one home to hear you and it’s gotta get across the country somehow. jake keeps on going: “and then once you come, i’m gonna put you on your knees and hold your hair back so you can take care of daddy the same way he took care of you.”

“yes, daddy, i want your cock in my mouth,” you whine, thrusting your fingers with a little more vigor while your other hand drags up your stomach and above your breast to tease at your nipples. “wanna suck your cock until i choke, gonna trace the head with my tongue before i swallow it, take as much of you as i can so you can fuck my mouth until you’re ready to come.”

“gonna let me come down your throat?”

“yes, please come in my mouth.”

“and once i come, gonna have you open that pretty mouth of yours before you swallow so you can show me the mess i left there for you to take care of. you’ll be a good girl, won’t you, sweetheart? swallow all my come?”

“of course, daddy,” you breathe out.

your orgasm is starting to grow in the pit of your belly, the harder you finger yourself to the sound of his words; he drives you so fucking insane and it’s so perfect, the way that even when he isn’t here he knows just what you need

“then i’m gonna flip you over and pull that ass up in the air and slip right into your pussy, all wet and needy for me. gonna fuck you without any kind of mercy, baby, make you take every inch, but you can do it, can’t you? you take it so good, so warm and tight and wet and it’s all for me. gonna destroy my pussy.”

“please,” you whimper. “please wreck my little pussy.”

“oh, i will. you know i will. i’m gonna fuck you until you can’t walk the next day, gonna have my cock working in and out of that cunt and getting sucked back in because how tight you are. i’ll fuck you hard and fast and deep, maybe play with that pretty clit of yours. is that what you’re doing now, baby? are you playing with your clit?”

“mhm,” you agree as you add in another finger, letting your other hand solely dedicate its efforts to rubbing your clit in tight circles the way that he does, trying to replicate his rhythms

“fuck. the way you tighten up around me when i do that is exquisite, like you’re gonna milk me for all i’m worth. that sound good? i’ll come in you, let that cunt suck me dry and paint the mouth of those sweet pussy lips before i put my cock back in. and i’ll keep fucking you, fuck all my come in there so that it’s still there long after we finish, that you don’t start dripping me down your thighs until the next day when you get up and start walking around the house.”

his words are striking every nerve in your body and you feel your orgasm begin to heighten, losing track of the thoughts as you succumb to the feelings, and the lack of coherence in your responses (which, really, have devolved into nothing but breathy moans and gasps and whines) as you bite your lip so hard you can taste blood

and he must sense you’re close — or maybe it’s because he’s close himself, because he says, “c’mon, honey, i know you’re close, want you come for me, come for daddy—“

and you’d lose sound of his voice as your heart starts beating in your ears, your orgasm springing loose and unwinding you, and you think you can faintly hear him groaning and grunting and god, he gets off just hearing your reaction to pleasing yourself and it’s so hot, so fucking hot

and he’d just laugh, a rush of breath as he exhaled, saying something like “goddamn, pretty girl; if that’s what it’s like when we’re apart, can’t wait ‘til we’re together.” 

in conclusion jake gyllenhaal pls dm me with ur digits xx

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine Prt 4

Office Bae Erik

Warnings: LOTS OF SMUT, spanking, drama

Here it is!!!! finally *sighs* this is centered around the Alaska trip and it will be done in two parts because I feel like there is more to write about for the trip. This is probably my fave chapter next to part two that I’ve written so far. Thank you for keeping up with my stories! 

Part one Part two  Part three

Regina: Is it true about Eric? Is he really sleeping with Calvin? 

You weren’t surprised that Regina and everyone else in that office knew about Eric and Calvin. At this point, it’s been a minute since the breakup so you figured that Calvin would gossip about it all to your other coworkers. Going to work after what happened seemed pretty normal. You avoided Calvin which wasn’t hard considering that you already didn’t like him. You’re a strong woman, never wearing your emotions on your sleeve and you damn sure weren’t about to give Calvin the satisfaction by walking into the office with a box of tissues and red-rimmed eyes. 

It was only a matter of time before Calvin opened his dumb ass mouth and blabbed about fucking Eric. He probably couldn’t stand the fact that you are unbothered by his presence. Calvin fed off of attention, it shows through his loud mouth. He really thought that by gossiping this would make you crack? Hell no. The one thing that made you feel protected, secure, and cared about while sitting at that cubicle was Erik Stevens. Office Bae made it worth waking up at 7 AM to come into the office. Still, things went on as if you both weren’t fucking. Erik and you would arrive to work separately to fight suspicion from others. The instant messages still went down, neither of you being able to go a second without sexting. 

Erik: I’m sitting here at my desk with this hard dick, what you tryna’ do about that?

Y/N: Honestly any and every thing. I’m trying to get nasty with you.

Erik: baby girl, we still got about four hours left in this day. How about we take a trip to one of the quiet rooms so I can bang that pussy? 

Y/N: daddy you just had some pussy this morning. 😏

Erik: all that creaming you were doing on my dick I’m tryna get it like that again. I’m hard as fuck, Y/N, you’re gonna take care of me girl.

Y/N: okay, daddy! 

Erik: I want that same excitement too. Your pussy just gets so fucking creamy girl I want that shit again. I want that shit now.

Y/N: I’ll meet you there.

Erik: remember the rules, no panties. I wanna bend that ass over and see nothing but phat wet puss, you hear me?

Y/N: yes daddy! 😘😘😘😘

Erik is something else. A real man. Smart, ambitious, arrogant, charming, a gentleman, a freak, and lets not forget the beast between his legs. You never imagined waking up in Erik’s elegant, tufted upholstery California King with evenly padded symmetry. Rolling over to see him sleeping next to you with his arm draped over your curvy waist made you feel so serene. Eating breakfast with him and taking showers together. Sex three times a day because you both couldn’t keep your hands off of eachother. You were living in paradise. You are very very grateful that Erik allowed you to stay with him. At first, you were doing a little apartment hunting and Erik found out about it. He refused to have you leave his place. As much as you loved the idea of staying with him, you were afraid that if things wouldn’t work out between you and Erik, you would be on your own for good this time around. This fantasy would end.

Staring at that text from Regina has you peeling your eyes away to look towards the ceiling while stretched out in Erik’s bed. You decided not to respond. Leaving Regina on read, you checked the time on her phone. It was 8:30 AM and the both of you have a personal jet to catch to Alaska in about three hours. Both of your bags are already packed with all the essentials needed and Erik’s driver will be there to pick you both up thirty minutes before the jet leaves for Alaska. Currently sleeping next to you with his bicep curled around your curvy waistline is Erik himself; office Bae. You stared at the full pout of his lips, up his broad nose, sweeping over his long curled lashes before landing on his untidy tapered dreads. 

You really couldn’t get enough of this man. An addict for him. Just weeks ago you both were flirty and now you are laying in his bed completely naked with him. Staring at him had you longing for him but you didn’t want to wake him up, or did you? Pulling the sheets up gently, you take a peek underneath to see his semi-hard erection resting on his upper thigh. The fatness of his dick just laying there against his thigh all inviting has you lifting from the bed carefully, pulling the sheets up and over your body so that you could have access to him. Laying there under the crisp white sheets made you feel like a video vixen in Tyrese’s signs of love makin’ music video. 

You take the time to study his beautiful, black dick. Whatever this man wanted you would damn sure deliver. You grab hold of his dick nice and slow while leaning forward to kiss his shaft. He was so warm and full. All this dick fucked you three times a day. If it wasn’t in your pussy it was damn sure in your mouth. You felt a shiver run throughout your body the more you stared at his dick. This was all yours. There is no way you would give this up. Your hand began to stroke him up and down nice and slow. Wanting better access, you climb between his legs to lay flat on your belly so that you could properly suck his dick. His rotund dick came to life in your hands from the light strokes that you delivered. 

You are ready to violate him with your mouth, wake daddy up to a real treat. Salivating, you open up your mouth wide, bringing your lips down and around his wide tip before lowering at a moderate pace, widening your lips the more you go lower and lower. Still unable to fit him completely inside, you stop at about 8 ½ inches of meaty dick. You lay there with his dick sitting in your throat allowing your saliva to dribble out from between your lips and down his shaft. You tighten your throat with tiny contractions staring up at his ripped body from your position. Erik’s legs began to stir, his body shifting while you kept a tight suction of your lips around him. He went still for a second before lifting the covers up slightly to peek down at you. The minute his eyes came into view, those droopy eyes, you started sucking him up. 

Erik stares down at you from between the sheets with a panting breath. He doesn’t say a word, clearly shocked out of his sleep from you sucking his dick the way you did. You keep going, your eyes still on him while slurping his lengthy, fat dick into your starving mouth. His eyes seemed to gloss over, his mouth hanging open now. You had him frozen. That dick stretched you a new throat almost but no matter what you kept on going. He deserves this after everything he did for you. He provided a place for you to stay, he cooked for you, he fucked you, he ate your pussy; just spoiled you. It was nothing like getting head in the AM, waking up out of your sleep with your girl engulfing you. 

“Ugh,” Erik’s head extended back, you watch his Adam’s Apple bob up and down from his deep breathing. He brought his head back down when he heard you gurgle on his dick. Bottom lip between his teeth Erik threw the covers back, raising up on his elbows so he could watch you go to town on his fat black dick. 

Popping your mouth off of him loudly, you smile at him with a spit covered chin, “Morning daddy.”

“Good fucking morning,” He spoke with a sleep ridden voice.

“Sleep well?” You ask him while jerking his dick.

“Y-yes,” He swallows spit, “It was a good sleep.”

“That’s good baby,” You went back to inhaling his dick in one motion. He practically gawked at the way your plump lips looked wrapped around his dick that was sloppy with spit. The bright morning sky illuminated his beautiful black dick and made all the spit on his dick shine.

“Y/N,” Erik calls you with a suppressed voice, “Oh, fuck, girl-

“Please cum in my mouth daddy and let me swallow it,” The minute you said that Erik moaned. Your eyes closed, hand twisting his dick while you worked on slurping on his wide tip. You made love to his dick with that mouth and all Erik could do was sit up on his elbows and watch you with his eyes moving up and down to follow the movement of your head bobbing. 

“Putting that work in,” Erik says while trying to stifle a moan, “good girl, daddy wants his dick sucked just like this every single morning.” 

“This dick got me dripping like crazy,” You say while jerking his dick, your hand moving up and down over his saliva covered dick making a lot of noise, “I woke up with the urge to suck the cum out of this big dick.” 

“Then get this dick, suck my shit and make me bust a nut girl goddamn,” Erik’s hands reaches out to grasp your shoulders, “baby you’re sucking the fuck outta my dick oh my God.” 

His sobbing voice has you whimpering.

“Baby...baby...baby…”

His reactions are so sexy. He surrendered himself over to you, letting down his guard and allowing you to exhaust him of his cum. That’s how good you sucked. You would bring your lips all the way up to the tip before sucking there tightly. He shook his head with a crease in his brow.

“That’s it baby,” He spoke quietly through clenched teeth, “waking me up like this...how fucking dare you? Suck it good bitch,” His eyes rolled shut, “Fucking right, yes baby...you can tell you love what you do...Stay focused on your purpose and please your Daddy. No distractions…”

“Like this?” You deepthroat him, breathing carefully through your nose before lifting completely off to show him your wet, pink tongue, “Like that daddy? Suck on it like that? I couldn’t wait to please my daddy like this. I just couldn’t wait anymore, mmm love how thick your dick is daddy.” 

*slurp slurp slurp*

No more talking, you needed to focus on his fat dick stabbing the back of your throat. 

“Mmm, mmm, mmm,” Erik’s thighs widened, “you look so pretty.”

You smile at his compliment since you didn’t want to stop sucking him.

“This shit comes easy to you doesn’t it? You love putting that pretty mouth to use so much…you knew I needed a real nasty chick in my life, makes me feel even happier that I waited for you.”

You slurp on his dick loudly before dragging your tongue on the underside of his shaft to his balls.

“Oh? Just like that? That’s what the fuck I’m talking about, sucking up big daddy’s dick early in the fucking morning like that.” 

“Mm-hm,” You mumbled. 

“Sloppy and wet just how I like it, bitch...you sucking me up girl I’m about to nut so much my balls are tight baybeeee.” 

That baybeee ruined you. 

“Ummmm fuck,” Erik weakly palmed the back of your head while his eyelids fluttered, “pull on my balls baby, pull on my balls and suck daddy’s dick baby, come on, give daddy some more sucking.”

You grab Erik’s wet sack to caress while your lips drag up his thick, long dick to finish your task of draining his fat sack filled with cum down your throat. 

“Hold my balls just like that...uh-huh...eating this dick up girl I’m about to fucking nut ummmm fuck, baby, arch your back baby...arch your back.”

Erik loves to see your ass in the air while you suck his dick. Repositioning yourself with his wet dick in your hand twisting and pulling you arch your back. Hovering your face over his dick, you spit on it before bringing your lips around him again. Erik’s eyes traveled up your arched back to your ass,  his hands itching to spank you for what you did. 

“I needed this, sucking daddy like you mean it…fuck Y/N girl you ain’t playing, this that good dick down your throat kinda morning, huh?” Erik smiles down at you, “ohhhhhhh yeah you working for it...it’s coming, baby, those lips...fuckkk Y/N...suck it...make it throb…make it rock hard.”

Pulling his dick from your mouth you say, “feed me daddy I will always suck your dick.” 

“Fuckkkkkk, I love the way you suck my tip, that’s my good little bitch. Swallow this dick. There you go, take it all- Unh fuck baby-

All that delicious cum. All that nut targeted the back of your throat like a bullseye. You graciously drained his balls, sucking and sucking and sucking until he was emptied. You popped your lips off to jerk his dick, your eyes watching his slit to see if anymore cum would spill over for you. Little droplets appeared and you took your tongue to tease his slit. Ain’t no cum hiding from you. 

“I know that pussy wet, you suck me for your own pleasure don’t you?” Erik asks with a weak smile on his lips. 

“Definitely, I’m super wet right now.”

“Let me see,” Erik says sitting up in the bed fully. You turn around, ass still in the air before arching in front of his face so that he could see just how wet you really are. If waterfalls existed between a woman’s legs you sure were the epitome of that. Your pussy was leaking cream and slimy lubricant. It covered your clit and labia. 

“Spread your pussy lips so I can hear how wet she is.” 

You follow instructions, spreading your pussy lips with your face smashed into the mattress. 

“Damn,” Erik got to his knees, “Keep that puss open I’m about to suck all that mess up.” 

This made you pull your pussy lips apart as best as you could while you anxiously waited for him.

“Nah, that ain’t spread enough for me. How do you expect me to put my whole face in it?” Erik slaps your hands away before doing it himself, “See? This is how I want you… you feel that cool air on that clit don’t you?”

“Yeah-

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” you moan.

“I’m starving, and I’m eating this ass too,” Erik takes his finger to tease your asshole, “...you know I’m fucking this ass later, right?”

“...uhm,” you nervously laugh, “I never did all of that before-

“It’s cool we’ll go slow, okay?” Erik says while massaging and kissing your ass cheeks, “the way you got this pussy wide open for me…”

You didn’t see it coming but you felt his thick, flattened tongue drag up and down your pussy, swirling around and around to taste you and clean you up. 

“Daddy...I wanna watch you eat me I can’t see.”

“Aight, lay on your back,” Erik moved out of the way to allow you some room to lay down, “Come on you wanna watch me spread them legs wider for me so I can eat.”

“Okay,” you bring your legs up, reaching your arms around to hold them back.

“Good job,” Erik slaps your pussy, leaning over from the side, burying his face in your pussy. He used his lips and his tongue at the same time. You could feel your ass clench up each time he sucked on you. Looking over at him, his dick was poked out and pulsating up and down with need. 

“Gotta get that ass too,” he says while dragging his tongue down to your ass. You could feel your pussy leaking while he paid close attention to sticking his tongue up your ass, teasing you there. He is such a nasty man and you loved every bit of it. 

“Fuck, daddy that shit feels so good,” You praise him, “Erik fuck! I like that.” 

“Wait till I put my dick up there you’ll be saying how much you love that,” his mouth was back on your pussy now, spitting on it over and over, “making that pussy glisten look at all that.”

“Suck on my pussy, please?” You knew saying that would have him sucking and sucking until you squirt in his mouth. When you both get to Alaska you hoped the sex will happen just as frequently but there is work to be done. How were you going to survive with Erik being busy? The way he ate your pussy...you wanted him to eat it all damn day. 

“Ared girl I got you,” Erik wraps his lips around your clit and your hands come up to hold him there. 

“Fuck yes suck all that pussy up!!!” You couldn’t go without screaming, “Daddy you always eat my pussy so good, shit, I’m gonna cum in your mouth daddy, yessss, I’m fucking cumming in your mouth,” you could feel your body shaking the more he sucked, “Oh, yes, mmm, mmm, mmmm,” he drank you up, “Fuck.”

Lifting his mouth away, all of your sticky cum was all over Erik’s lips. Your pussy is too wet, too sticky, too warm and tingly for him to not stick his dick in. It wouldn’t be fair for him to just eat your pussy and not fuck you. You jerk your hips while he stared down at your pussy covered in all that syrupy goodness. 

“Daddy?” You call him. He already knew what you wanted so without a word Erik pushed your legs all the way back so your knees touched your ears before lifting up to his knees, dick in hand, slapping your sticky pussy and then mmmmmm he’s slipping inside of you. 

“Open me up daddy…” you whisper.

“Goddamn, Y/N. You know we gotta bounce soon and you got me putting all this dick up in you.”

Erik started moving only his hips in and out of your pussy while reaching forward to grab both of your breasts. His eyes watched your face every single time he buried himself deep. Lifting up in a push up position, Erik dropped down in your pussy, stretching you out and coating his dick in all of your sloppy pussy juices. His dick went in and out with ease and it stroked your walls so good that you were already cumming on his dick.

“Got my dick looking a fucking mess, girl,” Erik pressed one hand on your stomach to keep you still while the other rested on the bed beside your head, “Y/N I felt that shit I know that puss ain’t cumming again-

“FUCK!” You shout, a few cries filling the room. Your pussy was dangerously wet and overstimulated. What was this shit? What was it this morning that had you cumming so damn fast? 

“Girl...I’m telling you...you lucky we gotta leave cuz if we ain’t have no where to go I would be in yo’ shit all through this fucking place you hear me? ALL UP IN YOUR SHIT.”

His dick pounded deeper, eyes vicious and grunts deep and rumbling. You could see your juices sticking to his fat sack from your angle. He wasn’t playing with you. His head was down, staring at his dick beating your walls up. 

“Daddy! Daddy!” 

He completely ignored you. All of your cries, all of your whimpering, Erik is too busy using your pussy to make himself cum. You didn’t complain, you wanted to feel all that nut up in you this early. 

“Baby my dick is tearing you up,” He whispers in between your skin slapping against his, “Baby girl this dick ain’t playing with you...got me fucked up right now...you know we got somewhere to be and you got me beating this puss up, fucking bitch.”

“Oh-oh, God-

“Damn, gon’ head bitch cum on this dick-

“UMPH!-

“Y/N, girl, this pussy is a mess-

“Daddy cum in my pussy-

“Keep these legs still, bitch, this daddy dick is about to cum.”

“Unh,” you moan sweetly, the swell of his dick making your toes bend, “f-fuck me daddy f-fuck me.”

“I’m about to bust,” Erik’s hips shook before he pushed himself deep inside, holding his dick there. He grabs your neck, pulling your head from the bed before tonguing you down. Heads swiveling, you suck on his tongue while he emptied himself so far inside of your pussy. 

“Got me cumming in this puss early in the fucking morning,” His hand tightened around your throat, “Get your ass up, bend over and let me see all my nut in this sloppy pussy...pussy all messy and gushy…”

Lifting from your body, Erik stood up from the bed, his big ass dick still just as hard. You crawl to the end of the bed before turning around, arching your back and spreading your cheeks.  Nothing but cum, cream, and sticky wetness. All over your ass, all over your pussy, and all over your inner thighs. 

“Nasty hoe,” He slaps your ass hard watching your cheeks bounce, “You’re a hoe for this dick...look at all this goddamn mess you made...look at all my nut spilling out of that puss...Take your hand, smack your pussy, and lick it off.” 

Whimpering, you reach behind you, slapping your pussy, amazed by all the noise you made just from doing that. You bring your hand back down to admire it. Gasping, your eyes grow wide staring at the mixture of fluids. 

“You taste that pussy, ma?” Erik asks while staring at his equally messy dick. 

“Mhm...I taste good, daddy.”

“Yes you do, slut. Get that ass up.” 

Standing from the bed you look at Erik, wanting nothing more but to sit on his dick with the way he stared at you. 

“Let’s go, we have about an hour to get ready before my driver picks us up.” 

“Yes, daddy.” 

“Get yo’ fine ass in the bathroom I’ll meet you in there.”

You start to walk away, Erik’s hand swiftly reaching out to spank your ass, making the flesh sting. 

———————

5 hrs, 1 minute.

That’s how long it would take to get to Alaska from LAX. Erik and yourself are seated on a luxury jet provided by the company; a Gulfstream G650. It has the longest and widest cabin of all private jets on the market. There is a bathroom that comes with plenty of space and a modern look, plush lounge chairs that can recline all the way back when you want to sleep, and fancy interior items. You’ve only traveled coach on a plane so sitting on a fancy jet made you feel like a rich woman. 

You all will be staying at the Alyeska Resort; Alaska’s premier year-round destination featuring 300-room Hotel Alyeska. All kinds of winter excursions awaited you. Skiing, kayaking, glacier walk, fine dining at the Seven Glaciers Restaurant, spa treatments, hot tub fun, and lounging in front of a grand fireplace while covered in soft, heavy faux fur blankets. All of this awaited you and it made you feel even more important to Erik since he invited you to be his personal assistant. Connie, Nicole, and Demetria were going to be there with other Environmental Engineers, Environmental Lawyers, Environment protection technicians, Scientists and of course Hydrologists. 

Erik was currently on the phone with a Hydrologist named James Thomas who is also a closet friend of Erik’s. As you sip your wine your eyes travel up and down Erik’s attire. It’s around 40 degrees currently in Alaska so Erik is wearing a black crew neck sweater, black jeans, Dr. Martens 1460 Vegan 8-Eye boots, and a Coach black moto jacket with faux fur trimming. His eyes were shielded with a pair of designer aviators, and gold embellishments decorated his neck, wrists, and fingers. You especially loved his braided back locs. With your knotless braids pulled back with a silk brown headband, you were dressed in a black full body leotard, with a Fendi poncho covering your upper body and Fendi moon boots on your feet. 

You couldn’t help coordinating with Erik. He is your man after all even though no one else knew about it. Well, Regina knew that you slept with him but she didn’t know that you two kept up with it until now...at least you didn’t think she did. Your mind wandered to her text message about Calvin. He told everyone in the office that he is sleeping with Eric with the “C”. What will Connie, Nicole, and Demetria say? Will they snicker behind your back? Pull you up about it? You honestly didn’t know what to expect. Heaving a sigh you stare out of the window at the clouds. Only an hour left before landing time. 

“Just know I’ll be right there next to you, homie. I’ll have my wetsuit on, collecting samples...man, this is going to be a busy vacay. More shit on top of more shit just keeps being thrown at me. Yeah, it’s that white privilege, bruh. Connie ain’t got half as much work as I do...Aye, fuck you, man! haha, ain’t nobody tryna get with Connie, haha...”

Your eyes glance up to stare at him, ears perked up at the mention of Connie’s name. You couldn’t see Erik’s eyes but you had a clear view of his bright white smile and deep dimples. He sits up straight after laughing with a hand clutched to his stomach, licking his lips before playfully lowering the top of his shades to peek at you. You couldn’t help but blush at him before turning your head away, laughing softly. 

“I heard you got that new sample reading equipment too...oh word? Twice as many analyzing data? Man, I can’t wait to see it. Listen, we’re landing soon. I'll catch up with you when I get there, Aight? Aight...later.”

Erik hangs up before placing it on his wireless charger. He placed his AirPods back in its pouch, leaning forward to stroke your hand before grabbing his glass tumblr filled with Ciroc and lemonade. 

“What’s on your mind, ma? You look more stressed out than me,” Erik takes a sip before licking his lips.

“Do you think Calvin is coming?” You ask with a wary expression.

“I don’t know, baby girl...didn’t ask around about that. As much work that needs to be done back at the company he needs to stay his loud mouth ass there.”

“I hope so,” You toy with one of the tassels on your designer poncho, “Regina texted me this morning, Erik.” 

“About what,” Erik lifts his shades, pushing them on top of his head.

“...she told me that Calvin told everyone about Eric and I.” 

Erik’s jaw clenched before exhaling with a shake of his head, “When the fuck was this?”

“I took off Friday to go shopping for the trip, he must have told them since I wasn’t there. Perfect opportunity to run his mouth.”

“I was busy in meetings all damn day I didn’t catch anything,” Erik dragged his hand down his face, “Damn...now I really hope that nigga ain’t come.”

“Since my exes dick lives in his ass I’m not surprised if he’s there with him,” You chuckle into your glass of white wine, “nasty motherfucker…” 

“Hey, let’s forget all that. Calvin is a fucking fool but he ain’t stupid, Y/N. Bringing Eric isn’t a good idea.”

“I don’t know,” You really weren’t sure about Erik’s words. You could see Calvin bringing Eric to rub it in your face further. Calvin would see this as an opportunity to cause mayhem. 

“Y/N,” Erik grabs your hand, “You’re better than them. You got me, remember?”

“Okay,” You tilt your head at Erik, smirking, “So does that mean I can have that dick whenever I want?”

“We’ll be sharing a cabin so what do you think?” Erik leans back, stroking his pouty bottom lip with his thumb while his crisp onyx eyes blinking slowly at you seductively. 

“Really?” You sat shocked while your eyes danced between gazing at his thumb on his bottom lip and his beautiful yet dark eyes, “Wouldn’t that be too much of a risk? What if someone needs me for something? What if someone comes to your room?”

“It’s cool, Y/N. If somebody needs to talk business with me we can meet professionally, ain’t nobody stepping foot in my room if ain’t you or me.”

You smile despite your nervousness. It was very risky and with Connie, Nicole, and Demetria being there any one of them could pop up at the wrong time. They could see you leaving the room in a swimsuit or something or wrapped in a silk robe because you did bring lingerie that Erik purchased for you with his black card. All crotchless, all sheer. He even brought handcuffs. It felt like a Valentine’s Day getaway between two lovers. 

“You look beautiful, baby,” Erik praised, pulling you from your thoughts, “I fucking need you right now.” 

Your thighs pressed together, your eyes dropping to his crotch. You couldn’t see anything from where you sat but you already know that his dick is nice and fat right now. 

“I hope you plan on swimming in this pussy all week, Erik,” You say with a boost of one of your perfectly arched brows, “busy or not.” 

“I’m getting in yo’ puss regardless, girl, ain’t no need in speaking on that...you look like you need some dick right now. I bet that clit is nice and puffy...pussy looking real fat between your thighs, girl…ain’t no need in mentioning that to daddy...little ass is getting piped down.” 

“Fuck,” you moan from your seat, throwing your head back with a whimper.

“Y/N.”

Your eyes drop back down before going wide. Erik has his dick out in front you, swinging it back and forth while pulling his briefs down further to free his balls. Erik strokes his fat sack before squeezing it, making them sit nice and round for you to suck on.

“Come suck this daddy dick.” 

You were on your knees in a flash, pulsating heat between your thighs dampening the crotch of your leotard since you weren’t wearing any panties. You squeeze between Erik’s legs and the small table before grabbing his dick up in one hand and his sack in the other, opening your lips wide before engulfing Erik’s dick. Erik smacks your hand away from his balls, starling you for a second before dragging his naked hips to the edge of the recliner seat. 

“Turn on your back...good girl...now put your hands on my thighs...uh-huh...now put your head back...that’s a good bitch...I’m about to fuck your throat.”

Erik dropped his heavy dick down into your throat, practically swallowing your babbling with his fat sack resting on your chin all warm and soft. Your fingers clawed his thighs while you blinked your eyes. You could see his perfectly trimmed crotch and smell the fresh body wash on his skin. He smelled just as good as he tastes. 

“Shh, we gotta be careful, that attendant will be back soon...fuckk,” Erik used the strength of his thighs and gluteal muscles to fuck your throat while his hands braced the back of the chair. His eyes would look forward, watching the shadow of the attendant move back and forth near the cockpit. Erik tore his eyes away briefly to look down at you taking his fat ass dick down your throat. He bites his bottom lip hard with his eyebrows snapped together repeatedly saying mhm, mhm, mhm, with his hand yanking your hair into his fist, holding you in place so that you could swallow all ten inches of his fat, long dick. 

“Damn, ma, you know how to be a good little bitch and hold that mouth open for daddy to fuck it, right? Fucking the shit out of your throat right now, Y/N...this how I’m putting this dick in your mouth for now on, dropping all this dick down your fucking throat, girl...throat is crazy tight.”

Erik lifts up, pulling off his jacket and bringing his sweater to rest under his chin. Getting back into position, eyes watching the door, Erik chewed on his bottom lip with gasping breaths stuck in his throat. He was pounding your throat like it was your pussy, his balls slapping your chin causing spit to stain your neck. Pulling himself all the way out, Erik allows you to breathe before his dick is back inside for more of that tight throat. 

“Unh, shit, bitch, I’m about to nut, daddy is nutting in that mouth, baby, ughh-Unh ughhh fuckk,” Erik’s thrusts began to slow down, “Unhhh, shit...you-nasty,” Erik thrusts his dick deeper, pulling it out, “fucking-bitch.” He rubs his dick up and down your lips fast causing them to make a dribbling sound before smacking your cheek with it. This man is a crazy freak. You’re lucky the attendant didn’t come back in to check on you both. 

“Get yo pretty ass up and clean your face off, girl,” Erik has you in his arms, tongue down your throat, “We’re about to land.” 

“Okay, daddy,” You speak with difficulty since he just pounded your throat out like a beast.

As you walk away towards the restroom you discreetly pull fabric from between your pussy lips. You are soaked. He fed you all of that fat ass dick and didn’t even bother slipping his hand all the way down the front of your leotard to finger fuck you. You close the bathroom door, turning on both sink taps before grabbing a white cloth to clean smeared cum stains from your cheeks. You grab a spare toothbrush to scrub your mouth since you were expecting to be cordial with everyone. No one needed to know that you just sucked dick. Finished, you look over your outfit one final time before leaving the bathroom and rejoining Erik. He was gathering his things, shades back on and his jacket. You take your seat, grabbing your Louis Vuitton Bleecker Box leather bag. 

“Mr. Stevens, we are about to land, a car will be waiting for you at landing. Do you need anything else?”

Erik looked over his shoulder at the flight attendant, Mary, “No thanks, Mary, I’m good.”

“You ma’am?” 

“I’m good, thank you,” You responded before giving that woman a kind smile.

The jet begins to land, the beautiful snow peaks of Mount Alyeska just below. You gaze out of the window like a small town girl moving to the big Apple would. It felt good getting away from LA for a bit, even if it was only for a week. You remembered laying in bed with Eric with the “C” making plans to travel the world. Looking over at Erik with the “K” who was also staring out of the window, you couldn’t help but to smile, blush, and appreciate him. Just a year ago you remember him walking into the department with a few company chairman, watching them lead Erik to an now empty office that everyone gossiped and wondered just weeks prior who would fill that space. You paid a close eye to the way Erik shook hands with the men, his aristocratic smile twinkling because of his gold slugs. You could actually feel the way your knees buckled and how sore the pad of your thumb was from snapping your company embroidered pencil in half. 

“We’re here!” Erik says excitedly with that same, gorgeous smile.

You clap your hands with enthusiasm, “Can’t wait to see the resort, I bet it’s beautiful.” 

Grabbing your things, Erik let’s you leave first, the pilot awaiting you at the bottom of the small stairs leading out of the jet to help you down. You grasp his hand, thanking him as you descend. Erik exits, jogging down with ease with the driver entering the plane right after him to retrieve your bags. Erik held the door opened for you, taking your purse so you could slide in easily. Once inside Erik placed your purse in your lap before closing your door, walking around to the other side to join you. As soon as he closed his door his company cell started going off with an incoming call.

“Fucking Connie,” Erik answers, “Yeah, Connie I just landed...it was a good trip, me and Y/N are on our way right now...yeah, Y/N, she’s my assistant...I didn’t think I needed to share that information with you, Connie,” Erik pulls his phone back from his ear, mugging it before placing it back over his ear, “Connie I’ll see you when I get there, Aight?” Erik ended the call with her still yapping. 

“She’s bothered,” you say with an amused expression, “She didn’t expect that, did she?”

“Nah, ain’t her business though,” Erik watched the driver walk to the front of the car to enter it. The driver was inside now, closing the door behind him. 

“What’s going on, I’m Steven your designated driver for the duration,” Steven reaches back to shake both of your hands, his big baby blues bright.

“I’m Erik,” Erik lets go of his hand.

“Y/N,” you greet him.

“Nice to meet you both, let’s get going huh?”

———————

Hotel Alyeska. 

Right outside of the Hotel, everyone was grabbing their things from the drivers who brought them over, greeting each other with hugs or nods of acknowledgement. It was as if everyone were waiting for Erik’s arrival because as soon as the car approached all of their heads turned towards your direction. You share a look with Erik before slipping out of the car. 

“It’s Erik!” Nicole says dressed in a pink snow suit with a matching fluffy hat that made her look like a poodle, “Hi Erik!”

Erik says hello back, both of your bags in his hands with one on his shoulder. You met Nicole’s eyes, an envious look on her face before she turned to talk to Connie. A Tall, carob-skinned man with a balled head and a full, groomed beard dressed in NorthFace gear and black Timbs held his hand out to give Erik dabs. Erik pulled him in for a brief hug before hitting his chest playfully.

“Long time no see, man! It’s been almost five months, right?” The man says with a beautiful grin.

“Five months since we were in Flint,” Erik motioned towards you, “This is Y/N, she’s a secretary in my department at AECOM.” 

“Hello, my name is Zane, Environmental Technician, nice to meet you,” Zane’s eyes checked you out for a little before focusing back on Erik, “Bringing assistants with you now, huh?” Zane dramatically says assistants with a suggestive wagging of his eyebrows.

“Shut up, man,” Erik pushes him away playfully before walking towards the hotel. You watch the back of his head, wanting to be nosy about what Zane was saying. 

Zane tried to discreetly motion towards you with a tilt of his head that caused Erik to sigh with a shake of his head. 

“She's single?” Zane says with a mumble so low you had to force your ears to listen, “or is that you?”

“...that’s me.” 

“My man,” Zane claps Erik on the back before laughing, “I’ll catch you in a few? We gotta meet up and discuss the trip.

“Damn, I ain’t even get to put my feet up and they wanna jump into work.” Erik kisses his teeth.

“All work and no play, homie,” Zane laughs again, practically doubled over with his hand clutching his stomach. Clearly, he was going to make jokes about you being with Erik as his personal assistant. This man was going to get on your last nerves. 

“Where’s James?” Erik asks while looking around.

“The Lead Hydrologist will show up,” Zane threw up the peace sign while walking away, “I’ll catch you later, E, Miss Y/N.”

“Goodbye,” You wave, happy to be rid of him. You follow Erik into the hotel, staying close by but being on the lookout just in case you spot Calvin.  So far, no sign of him. 

“Hello, welcome to Hotel Alyeska, my name is Debbie, how can I help you this afternoon!”

“Hello, Debbie, I’m Erik. I have a room reserved, I’m one of the AECOM company employees,” Erik pulled out his wallet with his black card. He didn’t like using Apple Pay for some reason. You teased him about that when he took you shopping over the weekend.

“All you have to do is put your watch up to it, you don’t have to pull out your card,” You said with a laugh.

“I don’t trust that shit,” He simply says while handing over his card.

“Name?” Debbie says while chewing her bubble gum.

“Erik Stevens,” Erik leans his elbows on the check-in desk top, “Listen...Is it possible to turn my suites into a Romance Package?”

“Sure,” Debbie says with an enthusiastic nod of her head, “it comes with a bottle of chilled Clicquot Rosé Champagne-

“Make that two,” Erik says with a low voice.

“Okay, you’ve also got gourmet chocolate treats-

“Godivia?” 

“Yes, Sir, it also comes with couples massages at the Spa at Alyeska, an evening to dine in with just yourselves, Chef Raphael is the celebrity chef who will prepare that meal.”

“All of that sounds perfect, just add it to the credit card, sweetheart,” Erik hands over his card to Debbie.

“She’s very lucky,” Debbie says while swiping Erik’s card, “There you go, Mr. Stevens, enjoy your stay.” 

“Thank you, Debbie,” Erik motions for you to follow him, your eyes looking around you to make sure no one was watching. Erik passed you the room key while walking towards the elevators. You both make it on just in time with a young couple in snow suits. Finally on your level, Erik was right behind you while you led the way to your cabin suite. When you swiped the card, opening that door, you stood frozen as your eyes swept the room. The suite was decorated to look like a luxury cabin built for the modern age. The stunning architectural achievement amazed you. It was warm and cozy yet private and romantic for two star-crossed lovers. The fireplace was just like you pictured, a large wall mounted built in electric fireplace with flames that blazed like wildfires. 

“Damn, I’m loving Alyeska already,” Erik says with an appreciative eye for taste.

“Me too,” You take in everything while Erik places both of your bags in the shared bedroom. A knock came to the door, causing you to jump before you walked over to see who it could be. Peeking through the peephole you can see someone from house keeping with a cart. Opening the door, you come face to face with a young, Caucasian girl with curly auburn hair and green eyes.

“I’m Claire, I’m here to set up your romance items.”

“Sorry for the last minute change,” You make room for Claire Erik standing before the fireplace with his phone to his ear. Claire enters the bedroom to set up everything while you stare at Erik. 

“Energy Auditors? What for?” Erik has a strained look on his face, “The pollution system works fine I tested them motherfuckers myself...yeah, I know it’s their job,” Erik takes the phone from his ear briefly looking at you while whispering, “Baby, can you grab my iPad and briefcase? We got a meeting to go to,” Erik gives you an air kiss while you walk away, “Are they going to do their job or is this their way of wanting to feel included because they have a certification?” Erik laughs. 

With his things in hand, you make your way back to the living room area, Erik hanging up his phone.

“Aight, baby girl, let’s go get this over with so we can come back and relax. I can see now these motherfuckers are gonna annoy me.”

“Don’t worry, daddy,” you stop him with your arms wrapped around his neck, “If you ever have pent up aggression, just use my pussy to let all that anger out,” You drag your tongue along his neck while standing on your tiptoes, “You know I love it when I can’t take it.”

“Pounding that pussy out?” Erik grabs your chin before leaning down to suck your bottom lip into his mouth. 

“Harder, daddy, harder,” you spoke softly against his lips with a moan.

Erik grabs your soft, round ass, “I’ll fuck the shit out of that tight pussy. You know it...you know how good I am at it,” Erik slaps your ass with a hard swipe of his hand, “and I know how much you want it...pussy is always open for this dick.”

“Ooh,” You needed to be taken care of, he didn’t play with your pussy on the flight after you slurped up his fat black dick, “Use me, daddy.” 

“Baby we gotta make this meeting,” You French kiss his neck causing him to smile, “Chill, ma, I promise to wreck yo’ shit later.”

“Ugh,” you roll your eyes.

“Fix your fucking face,” Erik says before pulling you into him for a final kiss, “Get yo’ ass right with this dick...stop all that crying, girl.” 

Your pussy has a heartbeat of its own from how horny you are. How could he leave you a dripping mess? You press your thick thighs together some more so no one can spot the wetness. Erik holds the door opened for you, leading the way towards a conference room in the hotel. Following behind Erik you can smell his strong, woodsy scent and it drove you even more insane that you couldn’t fuck him right now. Erik’s phone started going off again but he simply put it on silent. Finally there, Erik and you walk into the room, it’s already filled and everyone chit-chatted while the CEO of AECOM; Bret Stevenson, a Biracial man that reminded you of W.E.B Du Bois a little standing before them.

“There he is! The genius!” Bret says with a jubilant smile, “Come! have a seat!” 

You walk behind Erik, waving at a few people you know before taking a seat next to him. He hands you his tablet while he opens his briefcase to grab a file labeled Alaska Environmental Trip. Bret stood at the head of the table with a few people standing behind him, probably waiting to speak.

“How is everyone?! How was the trip over!”

Everyone around the table shared their stories and a few laughs before Bret spoke up again. 

“Sounds good, I’ve been here for a week so far, it’s a lovely place; Alyeska. Jane, remind me to plan a company Christmas trip here within the next year,” Bret says to his assistant who pulled out her planner to jot it down. 

“Now, let’s get down to business, Erik would you care to say a few words?”

Erik nods his head faintly before lifting from his seat, fixing the front of his jacket as he made his way to the front next to Bret. Erik scanned the room before pulling out his gold rimmed designer glasses, placing them over his eyes. Behind him, a projection screen comes down, Bret handing Erik a clicker to use before stepping away. 

“Uhm, I wasn’t expecting to give a speech or anything but we all know Bret is full of surprises.”

Others chuckled with understanding.

“We all know why we are here. Alaska’s climate change is rapid and testing the waters to ensure that it is within safe range for the organisms that inhabit it. The diverse cultures they sustain are facing increased pressures as global demands for its vast resources rise,” Erik clicked over to a new slide, “Sensitive ecosystems face increasing pressure from the industrialization of oil and gas drilling, mineral extraction and logging. Fortunately, with our help and technology along with Alaskan natives we still have the extraordinary opportunity to protect intact natural landscapes and populations of wildlife not found anywhere else in the United States.” 

 You pulled up Erik’s notes, opening a new file since he has so many already filled. Your eyes look around the table, the majority of everyone focused on Erik speaking except for the three amigos; Connie, Nicole, and Demetria. Demetria was wearing a turtleneck olive green dress that has her copious breasts sitting high and heavy, snakeskin knee high boots on her feet and her pixie cut reminding you of Toni Braxton. Her grey eyes were unblinking on your face while she tapped her short acrylic French tips. Nicole was staring too, her cinnamon eyes looking you up and down with her dreads pulled back from her slender face and a cream colored sweater with light wash jeans and chestnut Uggs on her feet. Connie’s tacky ass with her overly bleach blonde hair and light brown eyes whispered to Nicole before sticking her pointed nose in the air. No competition there, that floral blouse she wore with her high waisted slacks that made her ass look like a board was laughable. 

“Our current focus,” Erik clicked to the final slide, “Arctic, Bristol Bay, oceans, climate and Energy, and the Wild life...any questions?”

“I read over the article from New York Times talking about the fight to improve here. What can we expect you to do differently? So far nothing has improved and quite frankly the natives here are growing anxious,” A local conservation scientist and forester named Marielle says with a concerned look on her face.

“We are the best, Marielle,” Connie speaks up, “while the slackers waste their time finalizing its climate strategy and funding revenues for the production of oil we will set up climate and pollution systems to test out within the next year, see how that changes things.”

“How about Alaska receiving 50 percent of its electricity from renewable sources like solar, wind, hydropower and geothermal? They’re saying by 2025. Cutting greenhouse gas?” Marielle was on a role.

“All of those things are very much in the works but it takes time to provide those necessary resources. Atmospheric carbon dioxide is the most dangerous and prevalent greenhouse gas. Recently, levels have been high and it’s primarily because of humans releasing it into the air by burning fossil fuels. Yes, Marielle, we do want to improve that. I’ve been doing a lot of research into it and I was hoping we could talk closely.” Erik says with a stern voice.

“You’re the lead environmental engineer and protection specialist, aren’t you, Mr. Stevens?” Maricelle says with a hopeful voice.

“Let’s not forget Biomedical Engineer, this man is a genius, he used to intern for me when he was only 19 years old,” Bret squeezes Erik’s shoulder affectionately, “There is nothing to worry about, Marielle, the Environmental Protection Agency wouldn’t be funding our little operation if they didn’t trust us.” 

You try to fight the corners of your lips from turning up into a smile with the way Bret, the CEO of AECOM praised Erik like he was the golden boy for the company. This made you want to fuck him even more, ride his dick and tell him how much of an amazing, hardworking, smart man he is and how his big dick is filling your pussy up and making you cum. His success and ambition turned you on so much that your clit pulsated between your thighs. A soft hand touched the middle of your back, grabbing your attention. You turn in your seat, noticing Erik sitting next to you now.

“You okay?” He asked with a smirk. 

“I’m good,” you bite your lip before lowering your eyes to stare at your lap. He has you moonstruck. 

“You wanna grab some food after this?”

“YES,” you say with desperation.

“We can order in-

“Stevens!” Bret was standing over him, “We are going for lunch, have a talk with the Mayor, we need your brains.”

“...will do,” Erik gives Bret a fake smile. You try to keep your eyes from rolling. It was the first day here and you didn’t even settle down yet. You planned on sucking Erik’s dick again and sitting on his face. Fuck him in the jacuzzi tub and drink some champagne, let him eat chocolate off of your body and get cozy while naked and wrapped in fur blankets beneath the electric fireplace. Erik glances at you for a second, giving you a sad smile. 

“Who is this, Stevens?” Bret asks while staring at you intently. 

“My name is Y/N,” You reached out your hand to shake Bret’s, “I’m a secretary for the Environmental department.”

“Really? I don’t recognize you,” Bret says with questioning eyes.

“When have you ever been to the department, Bret?” Erik jokes. 

“You’re right, how long have you been working with us, Miss Y/N?”

“Two years, before Mr. Stevens showed up to our department.”

“If he needs you on this trip you must be special, Miss Y/N, Erik, keep an eye on this one, she could have a promotion.” 

Your eyes lit up almost comically at Bret’s words. A promotion?! More money?! all of that sounded perfect. Bret is the CEO of AECOM, this will guarantee you job security.

“Coming, Stevens? Bring your secretary, she may want a drink herself.” 

You smiled despite your disappointment. 

——————

You sat at the edge of the hotel bar, sipping an Alaska cocktail. 2 ¼ ounces of Hayman’s gin, ¾ ounce yellow Chartreuse, 1 dash orange bitters, with a lemon twist for garnish. On a napkin, the waiter gave you a few lemon squares, saying that the sweet treat was perfect with the cocktail. Erik was at the other end of the bar talking it up with Bret and the rest of the big names of the company while Connie, Nicole, and Demetria lingered around laughing at whatever Erik said, finding any reason to touch his shoulder or his back. One of the other secretaries named Carter came to assist John Sua, a Somoan Environmental Engineer. He was sitting next to you scrolling through memes on Instagram, laughing loudly in your ear. 

“Have you seen this?!” He shows you a meme about the Area 51 raid, “The internet never fails.”

You glanced at it and couldn’t help to laugh, “I remember that one, people are fools,” you say with a shake of your head before motioning for the waitress to give you a refill. 

“Is it true, Y/N? About Calvin and your ex?” 

“What?” you were taken aback by his question since it was out of the blue and definitely none of his damn business.

“Calvin was talking about it on Friday when you weren’t around. I just wanted to know if it was true.”

“How about minding you’re fucking business, Carter?” You get loud on him with fierce eyes. 

“Woah, my bad, I’m not the one spreading rumors about you, Y/N,” Carter puts his hands up defensively. 

“Just don’t speak on shit that doesn’t involve you,” You get up from the bar, clearly pissed off and tempted to throw your new drink on Carter’s face. You stomp away and decide to fool around with a jukebox. You opened your purse, digging inside to find a quarter, putting it in and letting it play. Elvis started playing and with a disgusted look you take a seat in front of the fireplace, swinging a single foot to try and calm yourself.

“Toasty.” 

You look up to find Connie, Nicole, and Demetria looking down on you.

“Was,” You spoke condescendingly before looking away from them.

“When did Erik ask you to be his assistant?” Demetria asks.

“About a month ago...no wait, long before then, I just finally agreed to it,” You smile with an elevated brow, “Why? Is there an issue?”

“Just curious...Nicole could have been his assistant but he chooses you?” Connie says with a roll of her eyes.

“Yeah, he chose me. Y’all so damn bothered, it’s hilarious,” You laugh into your drink. 

Demetria and Nicole share a twin look of annoyance. Connie simply glares at you, pointed nose making her look like a wicked witch

“I’m not here for this, Connie, I’m here to work with Erik. Shouldn’t you be over there talking it up about how you're going to improve things? The same for you, Demetria.”

“Everything good over here?”

Erik’s deep, domineering voice made all four of you go silent. He approached with his drink in hand with a tilt of his head and squinted eyes. 

“Just having a little chit chat with Y/N,” Connie says with a fake chipper voice.

“You’re okay, Y/N?” Erik asks, his eyes unblinking on you. He could see right through you. He knew you were bothered by them. 

“I’m fine, Erik, you say with an exasperated tone, “I’m going to go back to my room and sleep,” You get up from the sofa, smoothing out your poncho, “Thanks for asking, you can go back.”

Without another word you walk away, ignoring Erik and everyone else. You knew you were being a brat but the supposed lunch turned into an almost three hour thing and you were restless and in need of a bath. If you’re asleep by the time Erik returns, oh well, he would just have to wait until you wake up. You make it back to the room, keying inside quickly to avoid any lurkers. Closing the door you let out a sigh of relief before kicking off your Fendi moon boots and socks, walking through the living room and towards the bed room. On your way there you could feel your phone ringing. Groaning, you pull your cell from your bag, placing it on speaker before removing your clothes.

“Why did you leave?” Erik’s surroundings were silent. He must have stepped away from everyone.

“I’m just tired, Erik. I didn’t expect to be sitting at that bar for almost three hours after lunch,” You fold your poncho before pulling the straps to your bra and leotard down.

“Is that all? Cuz your attitude is on 100 right now.”

“I’m horny, you didn’t return the favor after I sucked your dick on the jet. I should be sitting on your lips right now but I’ll be alone for however long I guess, it’s dark now.” 

“Haha,” Erik chuckles, “Y/N...are you going to act out all week? You knew this trip was going to be busy. I’m still gonna take care of you, girl, calm that shit down.”

“I need it now, not later,” fully naked you open your suitcase to grab your bag filled with hygienic products, “I’m gonna take a bath and then I’m gonna hop in bed and eat up all this Godiva chocolate to myself with a glass of champagne.” 

“You better not eat up all that chocolate! Y/N, I’m not playing with you-

“AIN'T much to do when you’re downstairs, huh?”

Erik went silent while you walked to the bathroom to set up for your bath.

“I should be getting fucked right now!” You yell out of the bathroom since he wanted to remain silent.

“...keep talking that shit, ma. When I get up there I’m gon’ fuck it out of you...slam this hard dick in your pussy and put that ass to bed with all my nut dripping from that pussy...you gon’ learn, girl, daddy is gon’ pump that puss full, you hear me?”

You grab the edge of the sink while twisting your thighs, your pussy walls literally shaking with need. You wanted that powerful body on top of you fucking you into the mattress, slamming that fat ass dick inside your pussy with all his weight while you scream harder, harder, as hard as you can daddy, fuck me daddy in his ear breathlessly. 

“Who owns that pussy?” His voice sounded more vicious.

“You do, daddy,” you walk back to the bedroom to hear him closely.

“You said you wanted hard and deep THAT”S EXACTLY what the fuck you gon’ get, hard and deep, give yo’ bratty ass what you need.” 

“Less talking, more action, don’t you think?” You challenge, anxiously waiting for his response while nervously chewing on your acrylic nails. As much as you wanted to be defiant you were still fidgety. He could be outside of the suite right now pacing, waiting for the perfect moment to walk in and handle you properly. 

“When are you coming up, daddy?” You ask with a fussy tone.

“You’ll know when you see me, now go take a bath, ma.”

His words ruffled your feathers for sure. 

“...okay, daddy-

“You better cut that shit out now, it’s too late for all of that..give you what your needy pussy deserves...pound you until you pass the fuck out on this dick.” 

“Umph, yes-

“Get off this fucking phone and take a bath. That pussy better be ready for me to be deep in your guts.”

“It will be, I promise.” 

——————

The jacuzzi tub in the bathroom reminded you of something Cleopatra must have bathed in. The Drop-In bathtub created a dream bathroom for you. You filled it to the brim with your lavender bubble bath and in an ice bucket beside the tub the champagne that came with the romance package sat half empty. You dangle one foot over the tub while sipping from your champagne flute, staring at the water taps with low, sleepy eyes. It has been an hour since Erik talked to you on the phone. You’re convinced now that he was being the most extra guy that he is, making you wait and struggle. Even through the bubbles and warm water you could feel your slippery arousal coat your walls beneath the surface.

As your eyelids wither you feel fingertips dance along your naked calf before sliding up your thigh, stomach, left breast and then snuggly around your slender neck. Eyes blinking, you focus on the tall, intimidating, sexy frame standing before you with the sleeves to his crew neck rolled up and a destructive look in his eyes. He uses his free hand to grab the champagne flute from your hand forcefully before it tipped over and spilled inside of the bath. He drinks the rest before placing the glass on the side of the jacuzzi tub. Breathing, breasts heaving, his gritty eyes didn’t match your fearful ones.

“So...you’re finally back? You say with a faint voice. 

“What was all that shit about me ignoring how that pussy felt all day? Hmm? On top of your bratty ass I have a ton of shit on my plate that I have to work on for only a fucking week, Y/N. You think I wanted this shit? I wanted a bubble bath sipping on some bubbly too.”

“You can still have that, daddy,” you glide your hands through the water as best as you could since Erik’s hand was around your neck, “See?” You take one of your hands, snaking it up his exposed forearm, “It’s nice and warm…”

“Nice try baby,” Erik slips his arm away from your grasp, “I know this little thing we got going on is new and everything but...I think it’s time I teach you a lesson for acting out the way you did...what was all that about taking my anger out on your pussy? I have a lot of pinned up aggression from these narrow-minded people I have to work with all week long and then you turn around and act up?”

You pout your lips at him, your eyes looking off to the side. 

“Baby...daddy needs you, okay? Daddy needs that pussy...I gotta beat all that talk out of that pussy...remind you who you belong to now.” 

“...okay.”

You weren’t about to relent. He came back to fuck you and spend the rest of the night with you. You’ve had rough sex with Erik plenty of times but the sweat on his skin from the toasty bathroom mixed with his heavy, erratic breathing and eyes that are steadfast like a predator has you believing that this time around it would have you bed-ridden and skipping out on tomorrow’s activities. 

“I need to be beating up some cheeks right now let’s go, get yo’ ass up,” Erik says while releasing your neck, “Hell yes...look at all that booty...ima pound that big ass so good...get out the tub…”

Erik didn’t even bother draining it when your slippery body stepped out of the jacuzzi. You stand before him, watering pooling at your feet, waiting for your next command.

“You see that chair right there,” Erik pointed to an Alpena upholstered dining chair in black velvet, “I want you to straddle that chair with this big ass hanging over the edge, okay?”

You gulp, “still wet?”

Erik grins, “I like seeing this beautiful mocha skin soaking wet, so yeah, get in the chair, girl.”

Carefully stepping around him you walk back into the bedroom, standing before the chair. Looking back at him you spread your thighs, bringing them around the chair before sitting down slowly, your arms draped over the back of the chair. The texture of the velvet against your exposed, soaking wet pussy has you quivering with need. Erik walks out of the bathroom, giving you a look that a man would when he sees his melanin goddess naked in bed. The look in his eyes was that of a man who thought about you while he was at work, dick ready and unable to help himself. Your pussy throbbed just thinking about it. 

“Bend over for daddy on that chair…” he says.

“Are you going to spank me?” You ask with half-lidded eyes.

“Properly, baby, with this nice, fat, juicy ass on you I got to,” Erik’s hand comes down to juggle one of your ass cheeks as if testing the weight of it, “so damn sexy baby with all this juicy ass and pussy,” Erik teases you by sliding his fingers over your fat pussy lips before going to town on your twin globes with such harshness that your skin prickled. 

“Shit,” you say with a struggle and uneven breath. Erik continues to ruin you with his bare hands, both ass cheeks getting the same amount of attention. With each stroke you could still feel his hands on your stinging flesh. The fact that your skin is still wet made it hurt just as good. 

“Lift that ass up, baby.”

You grab the chair, squatting before lifting your ass up from the velvet cushion. Pussy creamy, clit throbbing, nipples solid, and pressed against the chair you are aching for daddy’s dick. 

“Spread your legs as wide as they can go, girl...Nah, do it slow...good girl…”

“Erik!” You couldn’t help but to say his name with how hard he slapped your pussy from the back. With your thighs shaking you could feel your pussy leaking to the chair. His hand spanking your fat pussy was enough because you needed attention badly. Even if he tickled your pussy lips that would make you cum.

“Open that pussy baby, take your fingers and spread that pussy so daddy can see how messy you are,” Erik got down onto his knees behind you. You press your chest into the chair before taking both hands, reaching it beneath your body to spread your pussy open for Erik to see. Your pussy lips slowly open up, your wetness so sticky that it clings to your inner thighs making your pussy lips snap back like elastic. Your clit reveals itself poking out all puffy. 

“Mmm, baby, that pussy is so pretty and pink inside keep those legs open while I lick it there.”

Your heart skips a beat when Erik’s hands come down strong on your ass, fingertips digging deep into your flesh painfully to keep your cheeks spread so he could bury his face in your pussy. He started slurping your pussy up, your body shaking so much that you almost fall forward out of the chair. Erik slaps your ass again with a deep grunt, nonverbally warning you to keep your ass still while he sucked up your pussy from the back. You’re helpless, weak, a moaning mess while he feasted from you. 

“Come on, girl, grind that puss into my mouth,” He gives you another disciplinary slap to the ass, “You want me to make this pussy cum I suggest you soak my fucking beard I’m not playing with you, Y/N...that’s it, bitch.”

Erik’s thick, long tongue rolled out and he started rubbing it around your protruding clit in circles before sliding his wiggling tongue deep into your pussy opening as you bounced up and down while he tongue fucked you. You tried to look back at him so you could watch yourself make a mess on his tongue but he would apply force to your back to make you turn around. He was doing this on purpose. Erik knows how much you love to watch him eat your pussy. 

“Ooh, fuck, daddy,” you whimper like a needy child, while Erik gives you slap after slap to your ass, “that shit feels so fucking right I needed this so fucking bad oh my God your tongue is so thick and wet oh my god it’s so damn good all over my pussy.” 

Erik spits on your pussy, leaning back to admire it glisten, “That clit is looking real fat, Cum all over my lips and tongue...swallow every fucking drop of that shit...got this clit jumping on my fucking tongue, girl,” he was back at it, torturing you with stopping in between, “Mhm, you know what to do baby cum on my fucking tongue right now.”

“Unh! Unh! Ah-oooooooo,” Your entire body shook like you were having a seizure, maybe you were because that nut was tremendous. It felt like the type of orgasm you would usually have if you edged yourself all day. Erik was still going at it, making up for the day, sucking on your clit with his soft lips. 

“Can I cum? Please, please it’s there,” You say barely above a whisper. 

Erik lifts his face away to admire your overstimulated pussy before burying his face back inside, using the same pressure to treat that clit like it deserved to be treated with every lick, suck, and kiss.

“Make that pussy cum...make that fucking pussy cum, daddy, shit, Unh shit I’m cumming, this pussy is cumming!!!”

Soon after your creamy mess spilled over Erik’s tongue and he gulped it into his mouth so he could coat his tongue with your cum and make you taste how sweet and delicious you are. Your head hung over the back of the couch, legs so weak and spasmodic. Erik stands, walking around to face you. He pulls you by your knotless braids, making you stare at him. Without a word Erik sticks his tongue down your throat, applying pressure to the back of your head so he could properly wiggle and slither his tongue with yours. Your cum was heavenly in your mouth, better than that Godiva chocolate that awaited you both. 

Erik started whispering sweet, nasty things to you, “That pussy is good, right? You came so much in my mouth, girl, daddy is so sorry I didn’t eat that fat pussy for you earlier...clit pointed out...all that pretty pink...I’m ready to tear that pussy up, baby...you ready to let daddy use that pussy?”

“Please, please, please,” you beg.

“Look at you...all excited,” Erik gives you a sloppy kiss, “Get up girl, and arch your back.” 

Your thigh muscles cramped up as soon as you stood on two feet to walk to the bed. The king sized bed awaited you; not for sleep but for a good, hard, pounding. On the bed now you arch your back, your body bending over deeply, an acceptance of your submission to Erik. Your pussy is always open for daddy but right now you honestly didn’t know what to expect. It’s like those scary movies where you see one person walking into a haunted house, unsure if something is right around the corner to get them. His movements are so sly and quiet like a jungle cat against the carpet but you could feel his heated body approach you. When his naked torso touched your ass you shuddered. Daddy is completely naked. Staring forward you can see that the bathroom light was off and now you both are in a darkened room with only a tiny side lamp for light.

“I wanna do this so bad right now. Just drilling your pussy over and over. Make you cum as many times as you can till you beg me to stop, how does that sound, babygirl?”

“Pound me, daddy,” You say with closed eyes, looking forward to his dick sliding past your opening to fill you up. After a long day of dealing with work stress and you talking your shit he has to fuck it out of you. Erik’s wide tip rested at your opening before spreading you open to accommodate his equally fat shaft. Each and every time his dick enters your pussy you are reminded of just how full he makes you feel. 

“UGH,” Erik growls, before bringing his dick all the way out to the tip, slamming back in, your eyes popping open. He did it again and you inhale deeply before Erik pumps you full again with his big ass dick. Your mouth formed an O with eyes wide with surprise. 

“Godddddd daddy pound me take all of me,” you blink your wide eyes, air trapped in your lungs, “oh my god pleaseeeeeeeeee,” you could feel your eyes brimming with tears, “oooooh, fuck me as hard as you can, daddy!”

Erik’s thrusts became animalistic in your sore pussy. This made you feel like a little hoe with how hard Erik’s full weight slammed into you, dropping all that big dick inside of you. You could barely take your mind off his head bruising your walls long enough to speak. 

“Who owns this,” Erik growled behind you.

“You, you, you.” This was grudge fucking.

After a long hard day at work, daddy just needs to pound you into the bed for a little while. Just hold on and take it…

He said that to you but you were so wrapped up in moaning over and over so loud that his words sounded small. 

“You handling these strokes, girl, arch that fucking back baby, mmm,” Erik pressed his hand in the middle of your back to keep you down, “you like when I fuck you hard don’t you, baby girl?”

“YES!” 

“Fuck, Y/N, I love fucking you, don’t fucking forget who you belong to understand? Mmm that’s it baby, cum on this dick-

“FUCK!” You scream

“Cum on this dick, YEAH BABY, just-like-that.”

Erik brutally pounded his fat, rock hard dick deep into your dripping pussy like he couldn’t stop until you're an aching, cum-filled, and swollen wreck.  You couldn’t get enough of Erik fucking you with all of his force, lust, and aggression behind it. Tomorrow you will still feel that Erik was inside you, claiming you, and marking you.

“Oh, yes, mmmm, fuck,” Erik was swimming in your pussy at this point. The more he beats your pussy up from the back the more you cream and squirt all over his dick. His dick is so solid in your pussy, like a sword stabbing you in the guts with the amount of pressure you felt in your belly.

“Daddy, my belly, fuckkkkkk,” You try and sit up, but Erik has your hips in a firm grip. His stroke didn’t let up not once. 

“I’m in your stomach, baby girl? Daddy in them guts?” He taunts you with a teasing voice before slapping your ass to get a response.

“Yes! So much dick...so much dick…” you bury your face into the sheets.

“This is how you like it...look at this messy fucking pussy wrapped around my dick...I like how you look right now baby, fuck girl I’m gonna fucking cum in this pussy...I’m not pulling out little slut you’re gonna remember me in this pussy-

“Yes, daddy take all your frustrations out on my tight pussy, OOOOO SHIT BABY!”

“Only this dick get you creamy like this...remember that baby...only this dick...yes...oh my God, Y/N- FUCK GIRL GODDAMN.”

Your pussy was being filled to the brim with Erik’s cum and a lot of it too. You could feel it drip down your stomach from your arched position. It turned you on so much that you were squirting on his dick again. 

“Let me watch it leak out baby,” Erik left your pussy vacant so that he could watch his cum mixed with your cum drip to the bed making a big wet stain.

“Damn, baby, my nut is deep in this pussy...this shit is beautiful,” Erik was staring at your pussy like a canvas. You were too weak to get up from the bed so you simply rested there in your juices. 

“Looks like I’m gonna have to carry you to the tub so we can finish that bath,” Erik looks over his shoulder into the now dark bathroom, before leaning over your body to whisper in your ear, “Bubbles are gone but we don’t need that…”

Yeah you didn’t need it, the water was going to be all over the floor anyway. 

_____________

Erik’s alarm went off around 7:30 AM. He groaned, flipping over onto his stomach, scratching his wild tapered locs. The stargaze sound for his alarm finally ended after he fumbled to grab his phone from one of the end tables in the hotel bedroom. You were still very much asleep, probably the best sleep you’ve ever had in awhile. Let’s just say last night's shenanigans didn’t end until around 2:00 AM. Erik and you got into the jacuzzi tub after running a fresh bath with more bubbles. For a bit you both talked about what needed to be done the next day but then Erik started twirling your nipples with his fingers, staring at you silently. 

You knew what he wanted with the way his fat dick sat hard between your ass cheeks. Without even thinking twice about getting your pussy busted open again you turned around, water sloshing over the edge of the tub before straddling Erik’s lap. The people sleeping next to your suite were probably tossing and turning with all the noise you both were making. Daddy was serving the kind of dick that didn’t want to be out of your pussy for a millisecond. 

“Damn, look at you with this fat ass fucking me back..fuck me back good, baby? Get daddy back for fucking you good?”

You love the way he talks to you. Erik always knows what to say. Like he said, your pussy is always open for him. Not only is he a great lover he’s so caring. Not once did Eric with the “C” care about your future plans enough to want to be involved in them. He gave you false hope and Erik came to the rescue saying sweet, loving things that you deserved. The intimacy of being understood. Erik wanted to be everything that you needed. Like Saint Teresa of Avila once said:

As a woman and a lover, however I am moved by the sight of my beloved. Where he is, I want to be. What he suffers I want to share. Who he is, I want to be: crucified for love…

“Hey, my special assistant. It’s time to get your beautiful ass up..”

You frown, covering your entire body with the sheets. Erik chuckles before getting out of bed. You could hear the curtains being drawn back from the windows and now the view beneath the sheets was much brighter. 

“Let’s go, ma. I know, I want to sleep in too but we have to go to breakfast and then right after that we need to head over to Portage Lake.”

“Ugh, I am worn out,” You finally uncover your face wiping cold from your eyes, “Erik...I don’t think I can walk.”

“You will...it’s just a little soreness, baby,” He says with a smile on his voice.

“You fucked me so good,” You roll over, trying to keep your eyes away from the sun.

“Here,” Erik walks around to his side of the bed, giving you a view of his chiseled, naked torso and loose fitted black linen pants hanging low on his hips, “Let me stretch you out.”

“Huh?” You say with a dazed expression on your face.

“Come here,” Erik pats his side of the bed, “Lay here on your back, I’m gonna stretch out your thigh muscles.”

Adjusting the thin spaghetti straps of your lilac slip dress you crawl to Erik before laying on you back. Erik positions himself between your legs before grabbing your left calf, bringing your leg up above your head as if you were doing a split. You whimper and hiss, before grabbing the sheets to squeeze. He held there for an entire minute before releasing your left leg and moving on to your right. 

“Ouch, ouch,” You say faintly, “God, Erik I don’t think I can go out today.”

“You will, now, I’m gonna do both of your legs, okay?”

Your eyes sweep over him, “Okay…”

Erik brings both of your legs up, your slip dress riding up around your waist and your pussy exposed for him to see. The muscles on the back of your thighs really felt horrible and this stretch has you sweating. 

“Fuck, that’s where most of the pain is-

Erik’s mouth was on your pussy out of nowhere. You stared at him with slight confusion and mouth agape. His tongue was buried deep in your pussy before bringing his lips into the mix, slurping your clit up into his hungry mouth. 

“Erik what the fuck?” You question with a slither of a moan escaping your mouth. He didn’t even say a word while he aimed to make you cum this early in the morning. 

“Daddy, shit,” you throw your head back. What kind of control does this man have over you? One minute he is telling you to get up so that you both could start your day, to him stretching your thighs, and now his tongue was slithering deep inside of your pussy. 

“Oh my God,” You say with a surprised voice, “Daddy fuck you are eating this pussy up!” 

Growing and growing you could feel your orgasm ready to explode all over Erik’s face the more he sucked and sucked. 

“Daddy...I- 

He has you stunned. The tension felt tingly and you knew that the urge to pee was really the urge to squirt. You didn’t even bother pushing his head away; you simply laid back, watery eyes focused on the ceiling. When your release washed over you Erik kept his lips there to drink you up before kissing your clit softy.

“I just can’t fucking stop...that pussy was calling me, baby,” Erik runs his hand down his face, “legs feel better?” 

You stared at him like he had two heads, “...Uh-huh.”

“Good,” Erik walks to the bathroom, turning on the light, “Let's take a quick shower before we head out.” 

After freshening up, both of you tempted to fuck in the standing shower, both of you get dressed; Erik wearing a cream colored henley with light wash jeans and a pair of Timbs and you in a knitted leggings set with an oversized cropped sweater to match, the mustard color pretty against your skin. You slip on your chestnut Uggs before following Erik out the door, stomach rumbling and causing Erik to laugh which earned a punch to his bicep. Breakfast will be in a toasty dining hall. Once you both arrived for some reason everyone looked at you as if you had a new glow. You hoped this didn’t mean that they figured it out about you and Erik with the “K”.

“Goodmorning, Erik,” Connie says while sipping a mimosa, “You look well rested,” She elevated a single brow.

“Yeah, my sleep was good-

“What’s up, Erik?!”

Your head swiveled around to find the source of the excited male voice. 

“Man, what’s up?! Where were you yesterday?”

Erik walked up to the man, giving him dabs before bringing one arm around to give him a bro hug. As you take an empty seat next to someone you don’t know you watch Erik interact excitedly with this guy. So, this is James Thomas? He’s a little shorter than Erik, standing at 6’0, a curly fro with scruffy facial hair that reminded you of Childish Gambino and a minimalist style, much less flashy than Erik’s can be at times. His soft, cinnamon eyes and deep vibrato of a voice soothing to the ears.

“Checked in late, something came up,” He takes an empty seat ironically leaving one next to you for Erik, “Anything I missed?”

“Just the rundown of what we will be doing and some drinks, dinner, shit like that, hey, Jay, this is Y/N she is my assistant-

“GOOD MORNING!!!!”

While the hotel kitchen staff brought out the delicious spreading of breakfast potatoes, scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, pancakes hot from the griddle, and many more choices everyone looked towards the one person you hoped you wouldn’t see on this trip. Erik gripped your thigh discreetly beneath the table to sooth you but all it did was remind you of how much you’re going to dread this trip if you have to be anywhere near him.

“Hey Calvin!” Connie says animatedly, even getting up from her seat to greet him with a tight squeeze, “Everyone Calvin is here to be my assistant, he flew in this morning.”

You sat silent sipping some OJ while everyone else around you said hello. Erik kept his lips sealed as well while drinking some apple juice. 

“Flight was great!” Calvin removes his flashy fur jacket that swept the floor to reveal a pink Lacoste polo shirt and a pair of slim fit jeans with loafers on his feet, “Demetria, Nicole, Erik,” He completely ignores you, “Everyone I’m sure you all are familiar with Eric, Y/N’s ex. His name is spelled with a “C”, not a “K”.”

You hang your head, leg jerking beneath the table. Eric himself walks in wearing a tight, black turtleneck sweater with a heavy duty utility jacket on, dark wash faded jeans, and combat boots that looked like Prada; probably something Calvin gifted him for fucking his boy-pussy so good. You could feel eyes on you; curious, judgemental eyes. 

“Come on, babe, let’s take a seat, Ah! There are two spots next to Y/N!” 

The mention of your name didn’t seem to ruffle any of Eric’s feathers, he actually didn’t even acknowledge your presence, probably something Calvin trained him to do. They both take their seats, an awkward silence happening before Bret Stevenson sparked up conversation at the head of the table. To distract yourself from sucker punching Calvin and Eric, you fill your plate with the food. The mixture of aromas has your mouth watering.

“Hey,” Erik whispers to you while filling up his own plate, “you wanna take some food back to the room? I can meet you up there.”

You knew he was trying to be helpful but you weren’t about to run away.

“No, Erik, I’m fine, thanks,” You whisper back before diving straight into your food. You didn’t even want to look across the table at Connie, Demetria, and Nicole. This was literal torture. How are you supposed to survive this trip?

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[mansionofmuses]

Alright fuck it I figured it's time to put my nuts in the ring when it comes to writing up rwde reviews about shiddy writing.

I already made a post about how closure doesn't exist in rwby, so that SHOULD trim this a bit. Hopefully.

These last two of seasons of rwby have been ASS and idk even know where to start. So lemme do some character progressions instead of jumping all over the place. Let's start with my fav: Neo. And I'll be as unbiased as possible.

Starting from v6, she came back and teamed up with Cinder. Cool? Cool. Fair enough. V7 onwards she's been treated like a BITCH by Cinder and has visibly shown her disdain for that on screen. And yet she still chooses to hang with her? Why? Like... Genuinely why? Is Neo not like the stealth queen? And the driver of a thousand vehicles? Why does she even need Cinder? Could she not have just jacked an airship herself, flown to Atlas after getting the info from Cinder, and began her hunt there? Instead she's just some minion to her now? Okay fine so let's say their team up makes sense in some odd world. Why the fuck would Neo agree to go to Cinder in the Satan Whale? Why? Why the fuck is she there? After being denied multiple times to get to Ruby and even being treated like shit with visible disdain, she should have absolutely left with a middle finger to Cinder. But nope. We get to see her be visibly uncomfortable in this cult and clearly wants out. Which she does, so good shit. She snatches the lamp and heads out. Fair enough, I guess? I don't know why the fuck she trusts Cinder to go back to her after being treated like shit. After Cinder's doodoo attitude towards her, Neo should be like "wow maybe she's lying to me about roman lemme check with this genie bitch" but no. And don't say "oh well she can't talk so jinn wouldn't be able to answer her." Fuck that. 1. I should hope that the password wouldn't be so ableist against mute people. 2. Neo's resourceful as hell. Text to speech and boom. There ya go. Instead she goes back to Cinder like a lost puppy after being shown multiple times how much she hates her. Why the fuck does she need Cinder to get to Ruby? I have no fucking idea! And then everyone's favorite scene. I know I know she killed Blake's hip atta-- I mean character devel-- I mean Yang. That scene. Was doodoo. And I'll get into more intricacies about it much later. But for now, why the hell was Neo so sloppy in that assassination? Like gurl you revealed yourself so early from, apparently so far away? Pretend to be a passerby with everything disguised (I saw that lamp) impale her and boom. Done. Not sure why she went for a slash either when a thrusting weapons like that would be best for a quicker impale. It would have made any on screen death so much more confirmed instead of up in the air bullshit.

Next we have Ironwood. Oh James. How far you've fallen. I don't really understand what the hell they're doing with this character any more. Like... At all. I fully expect him to turn into the joker and join salem at this point lmfao. At first he was complex, but cool, right? Ok a stern leader who still wants to help people and see team rwby in beacon grow and be successful. Fair enough. Then came v4 and he was like "hey yang. Heard about the arm. Here ya go homie." That was pretty cool to give to a young veteran. Fair enough. But good god once v7 hit, everything just went haywire. He started making the dumbest decisions. Kind of. I understand how he's like "aite let's sack mantle to ensure atlas lives cause otherwise both parties will be dead." except idk why he didn't just make a plan to evacuate everyone to mantle first but whatever. I mean team rwby did it like... In a day? Shouldn't have been hard. Then he started losing his fucking mind. There was an entire thing about trust issues and plans (ngl I didn't care enough to pay much attention) and he ends up wanting to arrest the kids more than actually stopping Salem. Like homie. Why. You have a gang of strong ass hunters on your side, don't just throw that away. They could say "acab fuck the police anarchy reigns" and you should still keep them just to fight literal satan on your doorstep. But he fucking drops everything and resources and materials on arresting them. Like why???? And then he just shoots a child just because? And he goes around full fascist mode and his character is just gone at that point. He literally actively wants to kill the people of Mantle now instead of stopping Salem and I don't fucking get it. He could literally plot with salem about how to nuke mantle and I'd be like "shoulda seen it coming". And then when he gets outta jail he kills Jacques... Just cause? Like why? I understand Jacques let Salem's forces in and eventually led to this shit show, but like... Atlas was falling. Just leave. I don't understand. But I guess it's to show how hateful he is towards those who oppose him, so whatever. Idk I'm so done with him. This man is just so boring I just can't wait for him to get killed off so we can be done with him. I'm sure I missed a fuckload of intricacies about Ironwood but I really don't care at all about this schmuck.

Next on the shitlist is the entirety of team rwby. Just to compact it all into one. Ruby has been getting on my nerves SO much. She is so holier than thou and always right. If she had just openly talked with Ironwood about all these secrets and shit, none of this would be happening. Yeah there would be panic, but homie what's the alternative? Fight in secrecy against the police and Salem?

"hey Ruby I noticed that lamp you keep hanging around. What is that?"

"oh uhhhh definitely not a grimm magnet HAHAHAHAH"

Like no shit everyone's gonna be pissed when you lie to them and keep these secrets. Also these plans are dogshit. "We gotta get a message out." To who??? The rest of the world is gonna see some lil kid be like "hey Ironwood's gone crazy and some evil witch bitch is here tryna kill us all." Like who are they gonna believe? A random girl or the fact that ironwood is the head of the largest military state in the world? For all they know it's just some prank and it's totally unbelievable.

Team RWBY sippin team for v8 and doing nothing all volume? Nice. "But they needed to protect Nora." You mean to tell me Ruby, May, Blake, and Weiss all had to be there to protect someone. The Grimm attacked once and that was it. You guys have no medical history. At all. All you did was wrap her up and drink tea during the volume where there's a literal war happening outside. You don't just "wait for help" you ARE THE HELP you're hunters you fucks! Go out and get shit done. Have like one person stay behind just in case shit goes wrong. Preferably Weiss so she can have those meaningful conversations with her family members she never fucking had. But whatever. Ruby and Yang get into... A fight? That lasts for five seconds when they leave and then when they see each other again it just doesn't matter so I'm not sure why the fuck it was brought up at all. It had no impact whatsoever. And there's a ton more I'm sure I'm just burning out at this point. But let's just talk about the big shit. Yang's death. Everyone's saying she'll come back because plot armor but I'm in the "I genuinely think she's dead" group. She turned to Dust as she fell. I mean who knows maybe Deus Ex machina rears it's convenient head. I hate hate hate how that scene was done. That was such an unbelievable death. Weiss, Ruby, and even Blake all have ways of catching her. Easily. Weiss has like fifty ways of catching someone between summons and semblance. Ruby can teleport around the world. And Blake can just shadow clone jutsu her way there but WHATEVER. I guess everyone was too busy being nerfed and sucking ass. Again. And the reactions? Dog shit. Even when she sacrifices herself for Ruby, it's still all about the bees. It's so genuinely annoying. Ruby just whispers her sisters name and that's pretty much it aside from a >:( face here and there. Weiss doesn't even grieve she just comforts Blake who's losing her shit. And I don't know why Weiss doesn't grieve cause SHE WAS HER HOMIE TOO LIKE C'MON RT LET'S SEE SOME UGLY SOBBING DAMN so now everyone's gone feral (except Weiss who just doesn't give a shit about Yang apparently.) And despite Blake saying "yo let's not kill people aite Yang?" She's gonna say fuck that and have it out for Neo and Cinder out of revenge. Alright I guess. That's fair honestly. Challenging ones own morals based on emotions. Good enough. But god I just wished we could see more from Ruby and Weiss during that. Also I'm so sick of the "oh this character fell are they dead are they not?" Thing that rt keeps doing. Just have Neo impale her and go. Easy as that. On screen confirmation. I'm sure team RWBY has a fuckload more to crit but I'm done with this topic.

Winter. Bootlicking to the extreme that she casts aside her own sister and doesn't care if her friends die. Nice. No closure at all after she turns back to being a good guy I guess. I'm done with her. Not a whole lot to say.

The aceops are just so dumb. I'm done with them. Everytime they talk about genocide for the good of atlas I'm just rolling my eyes. Just say you're fascists and move on. And idk why the fuck harriet is gonna bomb an empty mantle. Atlas is already falling on it, you literally have no reason to do this. And this plot point is stupid as hell. Next.

Cinder. I'm not sure why they decided to randomly drop her background story into the mix. Like I don't think anyone gives a shit after all the crap she's done. I'm so sick of rt trying to make her some "uwu woe is me" woobie after doing so much shit and killing so many people. Her uwu crying moments are just stupid. Honestly watts is one of my fav characters just for telling her how crappy she is. Next

Hazel. Homie is dumb as hell. He hates Ozpin because his sister died in a mission. Fair enough. Why the fuck would you ever join Grimm Hitler when Grimm are what killed her in the first place??? Like??? Just hate him on your own time dude, jesus. And he is consistently hypocritical and it's so stupidly funny how bad this character is.

"HOW MANY MORE CHILDREN WILL YOU HURT OZPIN" as he beats the piss outta Nora, Ren, RWBY, Oscar, and probably some random five year old on the street while shouting OZPIIIIN to the skies. It also didn't take a whole lot to convince him how stupid he was thank god. His character was so cool in design and in theory but good god he got executed soooo fucking poorly. Kinda glad he's dead just so we don't have to deal with his stupidity. Next.

Emerald. This bitch. I can't. I LOVE how easily rwby just forgave her. It was so stupidly funny. "oh but yang was ready to fight her at first and snatched her weapons" yeah for five fucking minutes. Then came the part where she helped stabilize Penny and gave a half assed speech about switching sides. Meanwhile everyone's just magically forgiving of her like OH THAT EMERALD AHAHAH like she didn't help orchestrate the fall of Beacon, the death of many, including Penny, and all the terrible shit that's gone down. No resentment from RWBY except for my favorite line delivered this volume. It was Weiss's ever so beautiful "SHUT UP" LOL (I play Smite and I love how her VVGQ Quiet voice line sounds the same. So when I heard this line, I thought of Smite and immediately laughed. Kudos to you Weiss.)

Salem. The hound attacked Penny in the mansion... Why? You already established connection with Watts in jail. Did he not tell her "ay she cool with us." And in turn did she not tell him "ay she cool with us don't hit her"? I guess not? Cause the hound and penny shoulda bounced together the second they met up lmao. Other than that, salem's done nothing this volume except try to be scary and get her ass beat by hazel. She could easily just go out in the field with her grimm and blasts some people or SOMETHING GOD so far our main villain is just so boring and unimposing that literally every other villain, including her subordinates, feel more like threats than her.

Now I'll just talk about scenes.

The scene with ambrosius was COATED IN CONVENIENCE. Apparently Ozpin didn't tell the gang about the WinMore button they could just fucking walk to until now because??? Idk. I LOVE how team rwby just assumed that penny would be okay when they took her robot parts out. Realistically she should just be a floating husk of aura and nothingness. Like she never had organs. I don't understand how she's a real person now? Which, by the way, I'm pretty fucking insulted about how they handled that. Why make Penny human? She was already a real girl and accepted by her loved ones. Like shit, she was a character that a LOT of transgirls, myself included, could relate to on a personal level and we LOVED how Ruby handled it in v2. It was cute! It was sweet! She said she was a real girl back then and it made all of our collective kokoros go doki doki. Fun stuff!

But now? It feels like none of that was validated until she got an actual human body. Like damn I wish I could just get my ideal body within seconds. Shit. I've seen and heard a lot of upset from my fellow tgirls about how doodoo that scene was, because it's implying penny wasn't a real girl until after she got her human body and that's probably how most of the rwby fandom is gonna see it too. "oh wow penny's a real girl now!" And just forget Ruby's cute speech in v2. So annoying. Minor nitpick, if she's got the aura of a black man inside of her (her father), and her robot body is gone, why the fuck isn't she black? Like? Idk minor nitpick I guess. But anyways back to ambrosius scene. I love how rwby had the answers for everything within the hours worth of planning they were given by Ironwood's motive. Totes believable. And yet the "one way ticket to vacuo" thing was the simplest shit they could have avoided lmfao. Like THAT is what you trip up on? Not the portals you're trying to make or the assumption that penny lives without her robot parts? Insane. (side note: how did oscar have a flashback to that scene if he wasn't even there?)

And now everyone's favorite scene. Yangs death. Already covered it early I just wanted to add more on. This scene is insane. Like... If they actually go through with killing her (i don't see how she could have survived turning into dust) then roosterteeth is dumber than I gave them credit for. Like... They have to realize the shitstorm they're gonna receive right? First they kill off clover, an lgbt+ coded character. Next is Yang? A main character who is WIDELY loved by all. Apart of their most pandered ship in existence: bees. (Both the ship and the character make them so much money in merch btw so this was stupid from an objective standpoint.) You can't just kill a main character that is heavily lgbt+ coded in THE most popular ship in the show. Like... How dumb can they be? They're gonna lose so many fans at the very least. Sales? Down. Death threats? Way up. It would be astonishing if they weren't up to their necks in shit in backlash by that decision. Bury Your Gays trope strikes again folks. But this time with everyone's favorite! Like I just... Idk that decision was stupid and that scene hardly was given any real pomp or circumstance it deserved. She's a major title character and that scene lasted like a minute lmao. It's gonna be RWBY without the Y. RWB. As in rt is a bunch of rubes for making that decision. A cynical part of me thinks they did that just because they want an excuse to off Neo, another really loved character. (Well if everyone hates her now we can kill her off cause god knows we don't know what to do with her), but I'm not gonna make this about her. I honestly don't know how to feel about this death tbh. On one hand it's shitty and *points to essay above*. On another it lets Blake be her own character for once. We get to see who she is on our own. And we can finally shift gears from The Bees Show featuring Some Plot to RWBY without the Y. But again that scene was done horribly with doodoo writing already explained up above. They're gonna use this as some edgy excuse to have the heroes start killing again or grieve or whatever bullshit shock value.

(now that I think of it tho, Neo shoulda killed yang in v2. How the fuck did Raven know she was finna die again. Lmao)

Anyways, that's my two cents. I'm sure there's so much more I forgot. Love or hate my ramble idc these are just my thoughts. I'm sure I made doodoo arguments at some points so feel free to call me an idiot and point them out. Imma bounce. My fingers fucking hurt lmfao

[eerythingisshaka]

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Jason Momoa x Reader

Word Count: 4.3K

Warnings: Bad attitudes/smut

Vroom vrooooom!!

Your eyes squeezed tightly in annoyance before you started to buck your blankets off of your body, punching your bed in aggravation.  Every weekend it’s the same thing: at 7 am your sleep is disrupted by the violent roar of a motorcycle engine.  You just moved in to your new place a month ago and at first you assumed that the disturbance would be temporary.  People work on their vehicles on the weekend, and testing things may require a few loud repetitious sounds. But EVERY weekend?  The two days out of the week you get to be able to sleep without an alarm blaring and you still have to wake like its a work day.

Today was even worse because it sounded like it was right outside your window.  The funk of fumes made you cough while you got up to look out your window.  No one was outside but you put your shoes on anyway.  No way were you taking this lying down.

No shame in your bonnet game, you walked out in your pajama shorts, tank and slippers to survey your surroundings in the parking lot.  You see some guy hunched over a big old looking bike, his back turned to you.

You marched over to him without abandon, building up your month's worth of frustration to fire off at him.

"Hey man!"

The putter of the engine must've drowned out your words so you shouted again.

"Hey! You know what the hell time it is? Some people are tryna sleep!" you said to the back of his messy man bun.

He turned his face to you slowly with a raised eyebrow, looking amused as his eyes settled on your slippers.

You felt self-conscious, taking a step backward and crossing your arms.  "I had to hear you tinkering at this garbage at ungodly hours for a month!"

He reached for the ignition and turns the motorcycle off.  

"It’s not garbage.  It’s vintage."

His voice boomed in the newfound silence, throwing you off your anger rhythm.  He wipes his dirty hands against his well worn jeans as he comes to a standing, towering over you like a giant.  

You felt a wave of vertigo just looking at him but remained on subject.   "Looks old, like it should be thrown away."

He crossed his arms bouncing momentarily on his toes just making him grander.  "Perhaps you have heard of a concept called recycling, refurbishing, or reusing.  Just because something has lost its luster doesnt mean its a pile of junk."

“Well excuse me for liking the finer things in life.  Couldn’t kill you to trade this in for something better and less noisy!  So keep it down in the meantime.”  You walked off in a huff, scraping the soft soles of your slippers across the pavement.

“Nice to meet you too neighbor, the name is Jason!  I could show you how to sew that hole in your shorts too since you like the finer things!”

You stopped suddenly, sticking your butt out to look at the supposed hole.

“Don’t worry.  Looks good.”  His voice dipped into a tone that sounded predatory.  You walked backwards glaring at him  as you made your way back around the corner out of his line of sight.  

You stopped for a second to feel your behind and come across the hole you got roasted on.  You kiss your teeth, feeling yourself get warm with embarrassment.  It didn’t matter to you because sleep clothes aren’t supposed to always be fancy schmancy.  You peeked around the corner and spied on him as he worked.  He had the nerve to talk about anyone with his dusty olive green Henley on with the sleeves rolled up, showing off his large forearms and that geometric tattoo.  You couldn’t care less about his opinion, long as his motor keeps quiet.   The next weekend, you stayed out hella late catching up with friends after work.  Happy hour was popping and you are a sucker for discounted drinks, especially when they are as good as the ones at your favorite bar.  Your Lyft dropped you off in front of your place at 3 AM and you trudged to your front door and catch a glimpse of something in your peripheral as you dug out your keys.  On top of the trash bag there was a note scrawled on a piece of paper that says RECYCLE.

“What the fuck?”  you say out loud and picked up the note, turning it over you see the signature -Neighbor J.   

You balled up the paper.  “Oh you think you run my life now?  Where the hell he get the nerve even coming up to my front door.  He don’t know me, but he will!”  You cursed out the air, practicing what you plan to say to him next time you see him and plotting your next moves.

A few hours later, morning broke and so did your peace.  A loud banging at your door makes your heart race from surprise.  You prayed silently that it’s no police as you bounded toward your door and look through the peephole.  

You jumped back just as fast when you recognize the face, snatching your bonnet off and fingering your curls loose to be more presentable.  You scuttled over to a nearby mirror to check that your shirt had no stains, and shorts no holes.  All looked clear but you didn’t want to open the door in loosely fitted mickey mouse pajama bottoms, changing fast into some boy shorts.

After a quick change, you finally answered the door, to be greeted by his broad back.  He wore a tank top today, mauve pink of all colors, giving a full show to the power he packed in his arms.  Plus his hair was out of its man bun, showing off its waves, looking so touchable.  His jeans and boots looked like the same ones from the last time you saw him.  You chuckle to yourself over his laziness.

He turned to you like a shampoo commercial with his hands on his hips.  “You put your crap on my bike?”

You crossed your arms and leaned on your frame, shrugging.  “No idea what you’re talking about.

He pulls a cardboard box from beside him with empty water bottles and old cereal boxes.  

“You think it’s funny, playing crap Jenga on my property?”

You rolled your eyes.  “It’s not crap, it’s reusable, remember?  Look, I got your note about recycling.  I just wanted to let you know I am way ahead of you.  My contributions are better than that gas you spew in the air from your bike.”

“Single use plastics are one of the biggest contributors to the destruction of earth’s ecosystems.  Why the hell would you waste money on them anyway?  Get a filter and a steel bottle-”

“Please!  Can you stop telling me what to do like I ain’t grown!  I know how sustainability works, that’s why I’m re-cy-cling!  Now if that’s suddenly a bad to do, I’ll Google that, but you ain’t God here.”

His stare read threatening to you, but you weren’t afraid of him trying you.  He seemed to be the type to not be challenged often and you yourself loved a challenge.  Multitasking the stare down, you memorize his facial features from his shaggy facial hair to the break in his eyebrow from an old scar.  

You work your neck for emphasis.  “Are we done here?”

He scoffs, kicking the box toward you before strolling off.  “Stop using single use plastics.”

“Ok, George of the Jungle!”  You taunt, sending him off with a wave.  Closing your door, you laugh out loud, giving a fist pump to the air.  You won this round whether he acknowledges it or not.  Plus you never heard that engine all day afterwards, catching up on your rest.

--

A couple weekends passed and one hungry morning you realize you’re low on food to eat.  You can’t chill on an empty stomach so you get your stuff to head out to your car.  

The sky was cloudy that day, making you yawn involuntarily as you start your engine.  It sputters, trying to turn over, but won’t kick off.  You tried this four or five more times before you sit back, punching your steering wheel.  Of all days for this to happen, today ain’t it.  

Suddenly the roar of a motorbike distracted you in the distance and a horrible thought passes your brain.  Jason knew his way around a motorbike, so a car shouldn’t be too different, right?

You get out the car and stomp towards the other end of the parking lot where you see you neighbor mounting his motorbike.

“Hey!  Hey!”  You yelled out, waving him down.  He saw and you notice his shoulders jump a little as a smile crawls across his face. You weren’t expecting that reaction.

“I’m gonna be outta your hair, I got my girl fixed up and I’m taking her for a spin.  Continue to catch your beauty sleep, doll,” he says sarcastically.

You look at his bike and gave the tire a kick.  "I'm not worried about that.  Glad you got it up and running."

Jason turned off the engine and scratched his beard, coming to a standing.  "What’s going on?"

You shrug, making Jason laugh hard.

"Now I really know something is up.  This is the first time you are speechless AND the last thing you said was nice? What did you do?"

You tried to fight your attitude because you still needed to ask if he could help you.

"I mean, I still think the bike looks rusty and dusty. Can’t tell it from some junkyard scrap but hey, there’s a pulse!"

Jason pointed at you, clicking his tongue. "And a good morning to you as well."  He kicks on his motor again and begins to move.

"Wait wait!" You shouted.

He turns the bike off again. "Sweetheart, I got little patience."

You groan.  "My car won't start.  I was hoping you could give it a look."

“DO I look like a mechanic?”  he asks, leaning forward on his bike.

You stared at him dumbfounded.  “You literally work on this bike all the time!  No one is doing that shit without some experience!”

“A motorcycle is not a car, ma’am,”  he said.  “Apples and oranges.  Hell, their practically fishes and trees!”

“Do you really wanna insult my intelligence?”

Jason held his hands up in the air.  “I don’t have to do anything when it comes to you.  You come with drama and mess in tow, and I’m tired of hearing it, if we’re being honest.”  He got up from his bike, heading in the opposite direction on you.

A raindrop on your face snapped you back to reality and by the time you looked up the clouds opened up their floodgates.

You covered your head.  “Dammit!  Jason!”   

You ran after him as he continued to stomp on to his place.  “There’s a thing called humility and being a good neighbor and something tells me you haven’t learned that before.”  He stops in the middle of his yard whipping around to face you.  His hair soaked in rain yet maintaining its wave intrigued you.  Most people look like a sad dog in the rain, but the wetness amplified his stoic appeal.

“You’re spoiled,” he says, rain falling off his lips as he enunciated.

“I need help!  That’s all I’m asking!”  

“You don’t ask!  You demand!  You demand I be quiet and play childish games when people call you out.”  His voice became more aggressive with demonstrative movement to emphasize his words.

You clasped your hands together.  “Oh!  Well it looks like you’re just used to doing shit YOUR way, and no one had the BALLS to step to you.  Well I am, so what?”  

You step right under his nose, rain from his body drops in your face.  He looked down at you amused.

“You better run along before you do something you can’t take back,” he warns.

“I don’t have regrets, just learned lessons.  So what you got?”

“What I got?”

“Yeah, what-”

His lips crashed into yours with momentum and strength.  His hands gripped your arms a little too tightly, making your hands splay in a shocked manner, unable to move.  His force mixed with the weather conditions made it hard to breathe and your will to do so causes you to push him back with as much strength as you can.

“What the FUCK WAS THAT?!”  You scream, wiping your mouth to no avail.

He stands there frozen, breathing hard.  “I don’t know what to say.”

“Like hell you don’t!  This the shit I’m saying!”  You gawk at him, seeing his shirt cling to his body as the rain weighs down the fabric.  Jason whipped his hair back unapologetically.  

“I told you.  You’re spoiled.  I don’t kiss your ass, so you’re mad.”

“I don’t remember asking you to kiss me at all, did I?”

He shrugs.  “I didn’t ask you to get in my face and threaten me, yet here we are.  Go dry off,” he says, taking himself back to his place and leaving you in the rain.

--

Later that night, you’re in the midst of finishing up twisting your hair  for the night when you hear the familiar sound of an engine blaring.

You check the time, 12:35 AM.  You’re instantly fuming, twirling a mad finger around your last twist end and putting on your robe.  

Stomping outside, you see him clear as day, outlined by the parking lot lights.  Jason sits on his bike revving it over and over as you walked closer and closer.  You get about 30 feet away from him when he turns the bike off.

“You fucking get on my damn nerves.  I’m sick of this!”  You shout at him.  

He got off his bike, standing with his hands in his pockets.  Soon as you were within arms length, you raise your hand and bring it to the back of his neck, pulling him into you.  You were ready this time, opening up to take hi essence in with your own.  Your fingers clutch the roots of his hair, pulling yourself up to him as much as possible until he helped you.  Wrapping his arms around your waist, he doesn’t miss a beat in your mouth as he lifts you to his level and you wrap your arms around his neck.  You bit his lips, groaning into his mouth excitedly.  

“I told you, I step up if you try me.”  you say.

He licks his wounded lips, eyes heavy with anguish.  “And I can take a hit, if necessary.”

You both stumble back to your place, fighting to feel each other’s skin quicker than you could get undressed.  You let your robe fall off at the door.

Your scratch at the bottom of Jason’s shirt, pulling it up as he surrenders his arms to your tugs, shaking his hair loose once you’ve freed him.

He pulled your hair back roughly, exposing your neck to his tongue grazing the pulse point of your neck.  Your nails dig into his hips as you fight the ticklish sensation, making him groan.

“Watch those claws, kitty,”  he warns, taking liberties with your body. The palms of his hands feel rough against your stomach when he traces your curves up to your breasts.  You breathe erratically, feeling the warm arousal build as your nipples greet his fingertips, but you pushed him back roughly.  As he stumbles, he looks at you defensively.

“Am I moving too fast?”  He asks as his chest rises and falls heavily.  You take your shirt off, standing in just your underwear.  He starts to unbutton his pants…

“Stop!  Don’t.”  You command.

He freezes in mid zipper pull, looking frustrated.  “Look if this ain’t happening, just-”

“Did I say nothing is happening?  I told you to stop.  And it would be good if you just listened, for once,”  you say, dropping your voice lower and quieter.  You walked up to him, moving his hand aside, pushing him against the wall.

“You find me attractive, right?”  You ask as your fingers find his zipper and pull it the rest of the way down.

He keeps his poker face as you stare him down.  “I do.  You’re very sexy.”

As he admits this, your palm slides down his stomach and under his waistband.  Under your touch you feel him grow, making your heart skip.

“Not sexy enough.  You still got some growing up to do I see,”  you reply as you pull his bottoms down, letting his dick recoil from its boundaries.  

Jason exhales sharply, bracing his back against the wall.  “You don’t have to.”

You settle down to your knees, observing the specimen before you, gripping his shaft as you look up at him.  “You don’t want me to?”

His hair framing his face, he pulls it back taking a deep breath.  “You got my dick in your hands, and you think I’m backing down now?”

“Then tell me what you want me to do…”  You say quietly, biting your lip as you watch him while stroking him, blowing slowly along his length, lips puckered and tempting.

He reached for the top of your head gently massaging your scalp.  “I want that big mouth to show me what it can do.”

You smirk, letting your tongue flutter around his tip, warming him up.  You feel his scalp massage slow as your lips softly kiss his member.  His head falls backward as you open your mouth wider, swallowing his girth deeper.  You look up at him, massaging his balls. 

“Oh God, you’re amazing.  Your mouth so soft,”  he moans, looking down at you, jutting his hips towards your face minutely.  

You allow your throat to open a bit more, taking hold of his thighs as he pushes himself into your mouth deeper. 

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.  Just look at you.”  He pulls out of you, bending down to take you in for a kiss.  He tastes himself within your mouth, fully devouring your mouth in a kiss.  You hold his hands against your face as he embraces you, feeling overwhelmed with passion.

“Fuck me, now.”  You growl into his face, getting up.  He pushes you against the wall he once stood, pulling your underwear down to your ankles, you steady your hands on his wide shoulders.  

He stands up looking you deep into your eyes as you reach for his dick, coaxing him to move on, but he grabs your wrists, setting them on his shoulders.  

“You’re too impatient,”  He says, running his finger across your cheek, nuzzling his nose against yours.  

You exhale.  “Damn right I am.  The one thing we can get along about, you’re trying to postpone.”

He chuckles, feeling between your thighs.  “You’re this wet for me?  You like me more than I thought.”

You roll your eyes, closing them when his fingers fit so easily inside of you, digging your nails into his shoulders.  “Maybe I just like the sex.  Thought of that?”

He shrugs.  “Let’s see what fits and talk later.  Your pink looks real good.”  

He grips his hands under you, lifting you and wrapping your legs around his waist in one movement.

As he holds you, you feel for his dick, helping to guide his tip to your entrance.

“Teamwork, right?”  You gasp as he spreads you wider, pushing himself inside of you.  You exclaim, gripping the back of his neck for dear life.

“Did I hurt you?”  He asks.

You shake your head.  “No, keep going.  I want more.”

He obeys, pushing further inside your walls.  

“That’s it baby, deeper.”  You encourage him, you tighten up around him as your body relaxes to the new sensation.

Jason’s hands travel around your back, holding you close as works his length into you, working his hips like it’s his job.

“Ah, your pussy is so good baby.”  Jason moans in your ears.

“This pussy is good to you cuz that dick.  Give it to me, harder.”

Jason rams his length inside you, holding still as you writhe, repeating the action over and over.

“Yes, oh yes,”  you cry out, feeling tears reach the corners of your eyes, feeling a wave of pleasure creep and spread throughout your body.

Jason pounds your deeper, harder as you cry out, digging into his back, he pulls your mouth to his, kissing you passionately.  

“You take me so well.  I knew you were tough.  Keep cumming, I want all of you on me,”  he says.  You cover his mouth.

“Shut up, or I won’t stop,” you feel your body buckle under the pressure.  It became too much.

Jason opens his mouth, sucking two of your fingers as his pace quickens.

“I’m close baby, hang on.”  Jason cautions, gripping your breasts and he rests into the crook of your neck, giving all of himself into you.

His hand moves between your breasts, tracing your sweat with his lips.  He grunts with a guttural tone, “Looks good.”

“Pull…”  you say weakly between breaths, barely able to think straight.  Your body feels like it’s floating away from you as you hit another orgasm before you feel yourself go empty.  You look down to see Jason jacking against your stomach, strips of white paint your belly as he howls in euphoria.

You notice your heartbeat for the first time, pounding in your chest but you felt no stress.  Your mind is hazy as Jason talks but you can’t fully register what he’s saying.  He holds your face, looking concerned as he picks you up to take you to his bedroom lying you down.

You feel a towel on your stomach as you lay on your back, completely checked out of your surroundings.

“Sure, you can spend the night, no problem.”  Jason says half-jokingly as he crawls to the other side of the bed, pulling a blanket over the both of you.  You feel his hands in your hair, gentle massaging your curls as your eyes close.

The next morning, you wake with a fright, feeling this arm laid across your waist like a boa constrictor.  A snore behind your head makes you nearly jump out of bed.

“Good morning, beautiful,” a gruff sounding Jason stretches, kissing your shoulder.

“Whoa, whoa.  Don’t do that,” you say, sitting up and covering yourself in your section of the blanket.

Jason tousles his hair, moving closer to you.  “Oh no?  I can’t initiate this time?”

You push his face back.  “You can’t initiate ever!  This isn’t a back to back thing, so don’t think you got rights to me.  Where are my clothes?”

You see your drawers, robe and shirt by the front door.  “Can you close your eyes as I get my stuff?”

Jason lays back with his hands behind his head.  “Take the blanket.  I don’t mind my body being out.”

You make a face.  “Ew, just close your eyes and turn your head.”  Jason covers his face like he’s getting ready to play Tag.

You gather your panties, slipping them on.

“You don’t have to run off so fast, we were just getting to know each other better.”  JAson says behind his hands.

You talk through your shirt.  “Bullshit.  Don’t make this bigger than it is.”

Jason drops his hands.  “So there’s nothing to discuss?” 

You shrug your robe on, running your fingers over your twists that are now sexed over and slept on as best you could.  “I’ve already forgotten what we are talking about.”

He nods.  “Well I am glad you got function back to your legs.”  He smiles widely.

You groan.  “Happens all the time, you aren’t special.  And take your trash out, smells like shit in here.”

“That’s just sex in the air, sweetheart.”  Jason waves you goodbye as you flip him off, walking out the door.  When you reach your place, you take a deep breath, feeling the aftermath of last night coursing through your body still.  You felt positively sore, like after a good workout.  It replays in your head over and over; his hands on your body, his deep kisses,  his taste.  You shake your head, trying to free your mind.  No way is he taking up any space in your memory.  It’s over and done.  You take the morning to shower off, somewhat thoughtfully.

The next day you got ready for work, feeling better than you had in a while.  Dick was not the reason, so you thought.  You felt all around more positive until your peace became disturbed.

“No, no, no, NO!”  You yell out.  “It’s not even the fucking weekend!”

You pick up your purse, looking for your keys.  You curse yourself for keeping car keys and house keys separate until you remember you are without a working vehicle.

“FUCK!”  You didn’t want to see, you wouldn’t.  You’ll text your job and tell them what’s up and call a car.  Problem solved.  

You get out of your place, locking the door and notice the hood of your car up and Jason sitting in the front seat.

He turns off the engine, closing the hood, leaning on the car as he looked at you.  “Turns out I know cars after all.”

“Am I supposed to say thank you?  For stealing my keys?”  you say with a sour disposition.

He tosses the keys in the air, catching them.  “You left them at my place.  I thought it was an invitation.”

“None of it was an invitation.  Give them to me.”  You walk up to him with your hand out like a three year old.  When he drops them in your hand, he doesn’t let go.

“Say….”

You tighten your lips for what felt like an eternity until you say, “Thanks!”

He lets go with a smile and walks away.  “I swear I was gonna do it regardless, but you had to initiate so…”

“You kissed me first!”  you shout a little too loudly for a neighborhood.

He looks back winking at you.  “And don’t throw something away that’s reusable.”

Masterlist

[steponmepinkjun]

I NEVER FINISHED MY STORY OMG. ok so i left off at being too proud to tell my friend she was right and kpop fucked hard. the difference between u and me is that i’m too good of a liar. too good. i kept up the “i hate kpop it’s cringe” facade for ALMOST TWO WHOLE YEARS, I SHIT YOU NOT. why? bc my dumb ass, extra ass, dramatic ass self thought “ok if i’m gonna have to deal with the embarrassment of admitting i’m wrong, i better do it in such an extra ass way it’ll knock ur socks off so hard that YOULL be the one embarrassed not me.” the original plan was to learn the entire choreography to bts dope, bc it’s the song that she told me to listen to and inevitably the song that got me into them, but later switched to bts fire bc i saw too many of those “choreo matches w any song” videos, and then her birthday party came up. and here’s the real kicker. her birthday is April Motherfuckin Fools. so it would be So Perfect for me to reveal my kpopism as a birthday present And a april fools prank in one. so i was Set on the Reveal being on april 1st, but the day rolls around and god that choreo is so fucking hard and i am Not a dancer. never have been. so i abandon that and go ykno what… i’ll do it Next Year. BC MY BITCHASS WAS LIKE NO THE MOMENT IS TOO PERFECT TO DO IT ON A NORMAL ASS DAY ITS GONNA BE ON APRIL FOOLS ON HER GODDAMN BIRTHDAY OR NOT AT ALL. a year rolls by, i’ve told most of our friends except her and they’re all in on it, i’d made so many subtle kpop references to her without her realising they were fully intentional and had too many scares where she almost figured me out but i lied my way out of it, and i’d given up on showing off with choreography bc i couldn’t make that shit look good. i’m not a dancer. i am, however, a rapper, and a damn good one, so i inhaled the agust d mixtape and decided i’d just rap the eminem of kpop’s anthem at her face. in korean. and change the lyrics at the end (if u haven’t listened to agust d, the bridge repeats “i’m sorry” a lot) to “i’m sorry i kept this from u for so long” and “i’m sorry i actually ult got7 not bts” (this was like the april after skz debuted ok i was holding onto got7 for dear life knowing full well skz we’re going to convert me smh) and the best part? she never saw it coming. her official present was a cd with a bunch of kpop on it but she thought it was just a personalised mixtape for her so i told her to play the first song out loud and she knew the song Instantly. it has a long intro so she was like “i guess u did listen when i recommended u this song!! i knew you’d like it since u like rap so much!!” and then i started rapping and i shit u not. she started SCREAMING. like the initial reaction was her jaw dropping and then instinctively covering her mouth but when i kept going and she realised i wasn’t fucking around she just fucking screamed like a banshee. at the end during the sorry bit i threw off my jacket to reveal a got7 shirt on the inside and she fell off her chair and started rolling around on the floor. needless to say it was every bit as satisfying as i thought it’d be LMAOOOO afterwards her ass was like “I CANT BELIEVE U HID THIS FROM ME FOR OVER A YEAR” and when i tried to explain my ego couldn’t take the “i told u so” she was like “you know i wouldn’t have made fun of you for it right? i would just be glad you’re not hating on my boys anymore” so basically i’m a big dramatic fool and she was always too good for me.

don’t mind the weird spaces here my ipad is being all fucky wucky w me rn. damn sad to hear ur sideblog experience didn’t go so well, i’d have shown u the cool side of the fandom if i knew 😤😤 leading u thru the cursed halls of kpop stan tumblr like a sketchy tour guide that’s actually 3 small raccoons stacked on top of each other like a trench coat, like “over here we have the fanfic writers that honestly need to publish a book, over here we have the gif makers that are responsible for my entire camera roll, if we take a quick swerve past the death threat anons and the twt fanwar screenshots - mind ur feet bub the 14 year olds were tryna make a grab for ur ankles - ah here’s the holy grail of shitposts, you might be here for hours, to the right we have the weird aussie side of the fandom that projects our childhoods onto chanlix but also all the members as we decide what their life in australia would’ve been like, and down there is a secret trapdoor to the blogs w endless random headcanons that will make you laugh, cry or blush depending on if the author woke up and decided to choose violence today. enjoy your Stay!” but then again i’m not so active on tumblr anymore (ngl you’ve become the highlight of my tumblr experience these days, interaction wise,) so maybe all my Local Hotspots are inactive now. i know a bunch of them are, it’s sad. “i don’t fw stan twitter for the same reason i don’t hang out in meth dens” oop. guess i’m a meth addict. no but i get u i rly do, it’s a hellhole out there, but the fact that things get shared and spread a lot easier than on tumblr and how short most things have to be (therefor keeping up w my adhd attention span without having to resort to the mental torture that is tiktok, with the added bonus of not always needing headphones.) that i just. couldn’t leave if i tried. maybe i should try being active on tumblr again but it’s a dying site in comparison.

“their music doesn’t consistently hit for me as much as skz” i’m sorry we can’t be friends anymore. what. what. you don’t dramama ramama ramama hey? you don’t feel a little jealousyyyyyy, naega anin? you don’t shoot out, shoot out, shoot out, or aremdaeun love killa love killa? you can’t be your hero du du du du du du du du du dududu? u disappoint me. literally like everyone i know who likes skz music likes mx music like it’s a rite of Passage. they’re kindred spirits, monsta x music is like skz’s music’s cool but mildly heterosexual older brother. neither of them know what a bad song is it runs in the family. and both their music runs in my VEINS. whenever i describe my music taste they’re always the first two that come to mind, skz being my number 1 bc they are my best boys but mx bc of the Flavour. pls listen to the entire the code album then get back to me 😤🙌 ok but fr ur so right they are 7 of the finest men i ever seen (yes i say 7 bc i’m including wonho cause he deserved better and i’ll die on my ot7 bullshit.) like don’t get me started on them either LOL i LITERALLY downloaded that one insta video of changkyun working out his back n arm muscles w his tattoo showing bc i needed that shit saved for Science. they could do Anything w me like frfr. yes vixx is the bdsm contract group i’m telling ya they wildin. or at least they were. it’s been years since their last comeback idk what they’re doing anymore tbh. and yeah that makes sense, savouring the hyperfixation i feel it, but also i’m so attached to skz that i never let it die. like i hyperfixate on other things and other groups but i will Always go back to skz cause they’re my homeboys. hell, they’re my home. being a predebut stay i’ve spent more time w skz than most of my actual family members at this point. but that’s just me you do u boo xx just know that if ur anything like me ur never letting go once skz it’s been my longest lasting fixation cause they hit like Nothing Else Do. ik i’ve already said that but i cannot stress it enough. they’re really special. i’m gonna stop here before i get all sappy and emotional bc i really love those boys so fucking much and i don’t drop the L bomb often. SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE UR LIST OF GROUPS RANKED BY THORSt. i need to judge ur Taste. and omg cat&dog is such a guilty pleasure song bc the lyrics make me cringe so much bc while pet play can be fun they be doing it in more of an “i’m an innocent soft dogboy uwu” kinda way that just Does Not Sit Right with me. it comes back to the objectifying of asians that asians themselves don’t help in industries like these and maybe i’m looking too far into it when rly it is just wholesome n cute or maybe they are into some pet play shit idk idc i will bop to the song regardless but i will not acknowledge the lyrics nope.

YOURE RIGHT THO SKZ’S OPENNESS IS IN FACT, A BIG DEAL, i’ll grab them for u if u want but i found these twt threads of skz supporting the lgbt community and i just felt a special kind of happiness man like sure the delusional part of me likes going “haha they’re gay” bc my brain likes to imagine them as my polycule of mlm boyfriends bc sometimes thats what gives me the serotonin to get me thru the day ok don’t judge but also bc it’s nice knowing that yes i’ll never know them personally, but at least i can support them knowing they’d respect my gender identity and my pronouns, they’d respect who i choose to love, and that’s already more than the general public can say so shit, it is special! it’s special that they don’t treat being cishet like the norm - they constantly remove gender from their songs and speech entirely, they don’t assume all stays are female anymore, we don’t talk abt the babygirls incident cause we got babystays in the end outta that ok, and it’s just. so refreshing and important to me bc i can’t get that anywhere else!! like my semi ults are the boyz and while i love them very much and there’s no way all 11 of them are straight i refuse, i do get just a little bit sad whenever they she/her their fandom by default and call them their girlfriends n shit even tho i do still identify as a girl, i’m also genderfluid/nonbinary/transmasc, and i have a very love/hate relationship w my womanhood and rarely use she/her pronouns, cause it’s like, do you not see me? see us? the ones who aren’t cishet women? i mean i know kevin does bc he congratulated a fan who came out as nb but it’s just not the same as the openness we get w skz. like how do i trust cishets i could be supporting them as a queer person when in reality they’d call me a slur. what would i know, behind the screen? so it’s so good that skz go the extra mile to make it a safe space for everyone. this is already long enough i will reply to the second half of that ask in another message… tomorrow cause it’s 1am and i’m tired gn -felix bi anon

I'mma have to start putting these under a readmore so that i don't absolutely make everything who is still following me for some reason go totally fucking insane 😂

NDJDHWJJAHFNAKBSJSBFBHHDBDNAJD YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE FACES I WAS MAKING READING THIS, I WAS FUCKING CACKLING AND GASPING EVERY OTHER SENTENCE SO HARD THAT I SCARED THE CATS NDJWHSHSB the fact that you went "oh you want me to get into kpop? Give me a hot minute, and I'll give you a whole ass private concert for free" biduehsjdbd biiiiiiiiiiitch you're a fucking ICON, I stg I could NEVER 😂 (and not just because I couldn't find a tune if you gave me a printed set of Google maps directions and that I embody the steriotype that white people can't dance, like my sister kept sensing me tiktoks of the whole "dance like a white girl" trend going lmfao look it's you and eventually I was like "sis please this trend has me feeling like being white is a disability and these mothafuckers are being ableist 😭 also I could NEVER be that on beat so yall ain't even doin it right 😭😭😭😭"). Tbh if I told one of my friends (lol what friends, i got jokes) to get into Skz and they showed up at my bday and performed the entirety of I Got It I would simply shower them in money and go "aight everyone else go home, you are no longer needed, you are being laid off, your position has been eliminated, we're downsizing, the company is moving up and you're moving out, you are not qualified for this role any longer, best of luck with future endeavors" 😊

I think part of the reason I can't deal w Twitter is the exact reason I refuse to leave tumblr, in that I've been on tumblr since 2006 and twt since 2008, and tumblr literally has not changed at all, not even a little, whereas going from the early days of twt where there were no corporate sponsorships or ads and you had to manually copy and paste someone's tweet and @ them to retweet it, to how it is now, like 90% ads and showing me shit from the timelines of people I don't even fuckin follow n whatnot, it's just not enjoyable. Idk how anyone finds anything on twt, it confuses and frustrates me because I am old and have not adapted well to technology changing 😂 But arguably, the skz fanbase doesn't want me on skztwt anyways so like it works for both of us lmfaooo. I am old and cringey, and also still think of twt as stream of consciousness whereas tumblr is your teenage bedroom where you can decorate the walls with anything that interests you. I do really love the nonsensical kpoptwt shitposts tho fhshsbdjjss like it is a very specific flavor of mental instability that I enjoy immensely 😂 OH and also I initially misread part of that and thought you were saying you actually irl do meth and I was like 😳 WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT. HOW DO I HANDLE THIS. Like how do I express like "I wasn't being judgy of people who use substances cause I've been there but I was just being insensitive 😳" And then went back and reread it and was like WHEW, IM JUST AN ILLITERATE FOOL 😂😂😂😂 ejeywhdhrhjwbfbdjshdhdhd I spent like an hour bwign like "IS THE REASON WE GET ALONG BECAUSE THEY'RE ON METH???? WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION??????" hrhehshe I am literally a fuckin idiot it's fine

It's not that I don't fw them, it's more like... Okay so like there is no situation in which I am going to skip a skz song if it comes on shuffle. You will not ever catch me NOT in the mood to listen to Sunshine, if God's Menu comes on we are THROWIN the meager amount of booty meat I got hither and thither, I could be in the happiest mood of my life but if Ex comes on I will stop to SOB. And I'm not like that with most music, so mx just falls into the category of "there is a time and place." Idk why but it just doesn't forcibly grab hold of my heart and ass the way skz always does. I really don't WANT my skz fixation to ever end, but I know that eventually it'll stop giving me dopamine bevause my brain is my worst fucking enemy 🙃 like my arcana fixation is to date the longest running hyperfixation I've ever had, going on almost three years, and I used to not be able to spend every single second of every day thinking about Asra, but now... I just feel nothing when I look at arcana stuff. As you can probz tell by the fact that I hardly post arcana anymore 😂 So I know that eventually all my happiness will end, it always does, I can never stay just as obsessed with something as I was for long. I CANT SHARE THE LIST BECAUSE I DONT *HAVE* TASTE YET 😭 I'm basically just compiling a list of any group someone tells me I should look into, ranked by how strong the kitty purred upon googling pics of them 😂 My mom read my ass to FILTH over txt lmfao she was like "they're not that adorable. Maybe your standard for adorableness has gone down with You Know Who still on hiatus 🤔" bfjwhdhd like MOMMAAAAA THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED 😂 she attacks me any time I even hint at stanning other groups, she is a skz purist and stans skz only, unofficial Momma Stay of All Stays keeping me in check lmfao.

I feel like skz really do follow thru on their promise that they're a safe space for stays, it's nice to see that they hold space for anyone and everyone in their fanbase and do it in a really simple and elegant way, I feel. Like they never make it seem like "okay here are the fans and here are the token weirdos that were only recognizing to make a buck off of them" the way a lot of artists make it feel like 😑 like they don't go out of their way to act like it's some revolutionary act to do the bare minimum of not shitting on certain parts of the fandom, if that makes sense. They feel very "yeah, of course we love all our stays, this is a welcoming space for literally anyone, that's how it should be, that should be normal," instead of like "Hi fans we love you 😊 and special shoutout to you ell gee bee tee folk, make sure to buy my rainbow merch after the show!!!" you know? Like, they're the friends who would never make you feel weird or different for some shit, the friends that take the attention off you if something they know ur sensitive about comes up, instead of weirdly snapping at whoever brought the unfomfy thing up which ruins the mood and makes you feel tiwce as bad, yk? They just give off this vibe that they, and the space they create with their music, is just a genuine and chill place to be and hang out and relax and bond. I feel like they'd be the friend group that is so goofy and sweet and silly and accepting and lovely and always makes you feel loved and excited to be alive 🥺 They are all good noodles 🥺🥺🥺

[theficplug]

🅶🅸🆁🅻🆂 🆃🆁🅸🅿

𝓅𝓉 𝟤

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: 𝟣𝟪+ , 𝓈𝓂𝓊𝓉

𝓔𝓻𝓲𝓴 𝔁 𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

{𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓰𝓸𝓮𝓼 𝓸𝓷 𝓪 𝓬𝓻𝓾𝓲𝓼𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵𝓼 𝓭𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 𝓹𝓸𝓼𝓽-𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓹 & 𝓶𝓮𝓮𝓽𝓼 𝓔𝓻𝓲𝓴 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓼𝓱𝓮 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓼 𝓱𝓲𝓶 𝓶𝓸𝓼𝓽. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓻𝓸 𝓽𝓸 𝓪 𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼. 𝓘 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓸𝓷 𝓶𝓸𝓫𝓲𝓵𝓮 𝓼𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓯𝓲𝓬 𝓰𝓸𝓽 𝓭𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓮𝓭 4 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓼😂. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓾𝓰𝓰𝓵𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵. 𝓘 𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔂'𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓮𝓷𝓳𝓸𝔂✌🏾 𝔁}

His fingertips danced along your spine following the golden sunlight against your umber skin. While you laid next to him softly placing kisses to his shoulder and chest.

You smiled to yourself remembering how damn near perfect last night was. He didn't ask anything of you after giving you one of the most mind blowing orgasms of your life.

He just cuddled you almost swaying you as you fell asleep nestled against his side. 

You felt him toss and turn until you wrapped your arms around him. Although he's never admit to being a little spoon.

"Damn, it must really be paradise here. 'Cause it can't get more perfect than this. I haven't slept all night like that in a long time." He says lowly his voice slightly raspy and deeper from the tiredness lingering. 

"I mean besides the morning breath. Whew yours is kicking." You say to him jokingly before he scoops you closer into his arms and kisses all over your neck. 

"Come shower with me then?" He proposed, already halfway out of the bed. 

After grabbing your things you headed towards the large bathtub with him. It was absolutely breathtaking and you still couldn't imagine how you pulled off getting a ticket for this luxurious cruise. 

"What's on your mind? " He asks while pulling you closer to rest against him. His warm wet hands soothing over the kinks in your back. 

"Just thinking of how quickly everything has moved. First it was the breakup and then getting the position I've always wanted. And coming on this cruise and finally reuniting with you. It has just been a world wind of emotions. But as corny as it is. I'm glad that I'm with you right now." You say quietly before looking up at him and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. 

"You still got them same ass big brown eyes. The kind you can't forget if you tried to. I never really gotta chance to say I'm sorry. I ain't mean to take off like that. I had some things that I had to take care of back then. Things that I'm still taking care of now. Things that I wanna tell you about but I feel like that's too much too soon." He says never once breaking eye contact with you as he chose his words carefully. 

You eyed him for a moment wondering what changed with him when he left. You wanted to question the scars that carried ghosts of his past etched across his skin or to ask him why he trembled when you held him last night. But you settled on a gentle kiss to his chest.

" All that matters right now is that you're safe. In time maybe you'll comfortable enough to tell me all about it. I believe that everybody's gotta past. It's alright" You soothe him and you can feel him for once relax against the bathtub. 

You slowly glide your hand down his body to stroke him softly. 

You noticed that eye contact is a big thing for him as you watch him melt under your gaze and touch. 

You pump him slowly as you rest your forehead against his and press a kiss to his lips. 

You sink down onto him slowly. Taking a moment to work him in fully before working all the way up and back down again to find a rhythm. "I'm glad that I'm here with you." You repeat against his lips as you slowly start to ride him. 

At first he just holds onto you as if you're going to float away. He's kissing every part of you that he can touch before burying his face in your breasts as you hold his head against you. You maneuvered lower so that he can tug teasingly on the right nipple then the left. 

Your hand smacks against the the outside of the bathtub as a kneejerk reaction to him beginning to fuck you back. His hand gripping onto your right hip tighter as he angles you slightly and drives into you at a new angle. 

"Eriiikkkk. Right there. Right there. Keep going baby-" You whine into his mouth as you find the right rhythm between the two of you.

You roll your hips down while he's giving deeper strokes into you from below. 

"You close huh? Don't run from it. Come on. Don't hold shit back from me." He demands as he grips your left hip harder holding you into place as he pounds into you and uses his other hand to massage your clit. 

That one last stroke had your arching your back into him and he took the opportunity to latch onto your nipple again nibbling it as he strokes you through your orgasm not stopping the rhythm between lightning fast strokes and then rolling his hips. 

You squeal as you hold onto his shoulders and bounce yourself through it before falling forward into him. 

"Nuh uh. Don't hold back neither. Give me that shit. You're hard as a fucking brick for me. I know you wanna cum. C'mon bae." You tease you whine your hips fluidly against him teasing him up and down you. 

He groans loudly and squeezes your cheeks hard holding you against him as his head rolls back and you grip his beard for him to look at you.

"Please, cum for me." You whisper to him as you feel him throbbing and pulsing ready to spill over for you he leans up and leave kisses down your neck before biting onto your shoulder hard as his stomach clenches and he releases for you.

"Goooddd. So good for me. " You moan praising him for giving you what you wanted.

After showering for real this time he left you to do your makeup and pick out an outfit for the day.

"I don't know how I feel about this look. I mean we're supposed to dock in like an hour and go sightseeing . And I'm late. I was supposed to meet the girls for breakfast. 10 minutes ago. So, this is good?" You say to Erik showing him the cherry red sleeveless dress that draped off over your back with a slit up the thigh.

It was the perfect shade to make your bronze skin pop along with the matching red lipstick and a simple winged liner.

You leaned your weight to one hip and smoothed out the dress smiling to yourself for a second as you watch him eyeing you up and down.

"You look so damn fine. I wanna spend all day in bed with you but these niggas tryna go snorkeling and shit." He says to you as you shake your head while laughing at him. 

"That sounds fun though. I think we're gonna hit up all the major food spots and tourist-y things we can today. But I'll meet up with you tonight. Gimme kiss." You say to him before you both head out. 

On your way to the elevator you finally check your phone and see all the missed calls and texts from Derrick. 'Shit.' was your only thought as you scrolled through them. 

"I'm not gonna apologize cause I'm grown. I can do whatever with whoever I wanna do it with. But I didn't mean for you to hear all of that. I must've called you by accident last night." You say to him as he answers the phone.

"So are we even now?" Is the only thing he asks as you shake your head at how unbelievable he is.

"Not even close. Look I've gotta go. I just wanted to call and clear the air so that you don't think this was something planned to "get back at you "." 

"To be honest I deserve more than an accidental call. I'm sorry. I really am. I know that I fucked up a good thing. I hope that someday we can at least go back to being friends." He says and for a moment you wanna believe that that's possible.

"Friends don't do that to each other Derrick. Like I said I just wanted to clear the air. I gotta go." You say hanging up quickly once you make it to the cute little cafe on the second floor of the ship.

You take a deep breath in before walking in and over to the table where your friends already eating and cackling about something. 

"Good morning y'all. I- I overslept." You say to them with a small smirk while sitting down.

"BITCHHHHH. Yo ass got good dick glow written all over you. That birth control was doing its job this morning! " Khadijah laughs as you throw an orange slice her way.

"Sebastian wasn't it though. 2 words. Chicken Nugggeeeettt. He's sweet as gold and we have so much in common but like y'all. " Khadi adds 

"UH UUHHH. Girl, and he was talking big game and ended up whipping out the shrimp?" Tasha says to Khadi in disbelief 

"Good morning. It looks like you had fun last night. Here we ordered you shrimp and grits and we're gonna need the full run down. So here" Tasha says as she puts the breakfast platter on your side of the table and Lynelle leans in closer. 

"Shush like you and Tasha's bag wasn't buzzing its way through TSA. Y'all I ain't even gon lie. Mans ate the soul clean outta my body. I was shaking and shit. I thought I was bout to morph into something. I'm like girl is this the moment where I turn into a Demogorgon. And then he just like held me and that kinda intimacy I hadn't felt in so long. Everything was going good. Morning sex was bomb...But then the gag is i must've accidentally called Derrick right before that cause he heard everything." You say and then watch Tasha , Khadi, and Lynelle cut up.

Tasha was clapping and laughing as Tasha and Lynelle tried to hold it in before laughing until the point of tears. 

"Wait , wait I'm hollering." Tasha yells 

You set there with your arms crossed before cracking into a giggle of your own.

"I don't know why I felt bad. But I did after I found out what happened. Is that weird?" You ask as you push the food around the plate. 

"As a psychologist, I want to say something profound like. Dopamine causes us to try and find the love object, hence why we spend days thinking about the other person. It’s for this very reason that it can be so incredibly hard for us to move on to a relationship with someone else. We tend to idealize our exes and distort the memories we have with them. We romanticise the reality and forge an idea in our minds of what life with them is like when often it’s not the truth. But as your best friend I just wanna say fuck Derrick and his feelings." Khadi says bluntly while sipping on the mimosa

"She ain't wrong. He didn't really take your feelings into consideration when he did what he did. So, i'm with Khadi on this one. Fuck Derrick." Lennie says as she raises her glass

"FUCK DERRICK" y'all say in unison as all 3 of you raise your glass for a toast. 

--

After the ship docked and you realised you were gonna be staying at a villa not too far from Erik's everything seemed to go smoothly.

You and Erik ended up venturing off together to all the little boutiques and food spots on your list.

Tasha and Lennie wanted to do all the cute tourist-y things on their own little list.

Khadi ended up going with Sebastian to do the snorkeling activities and meeting the dolphins. It turned out that they both love the ocean and marine life.

After sending each other quick texts about the change of plans. You agreed to meet up for dinner and to test out Club Jenja later on.

He didn't smother you when you and the girls danced at the club. But you could feel his eyes on you when men got too close to you for his liking. He did come by occasionally to ask you if you were okay or if you needed a water. Or if he just wanted a kiss from you.

He was currently standing by the bar talking to his boys when you notice a dark haired woman and another girl saunter up to him.

While they were standing there telling him their whole life story it seemed. His eyes never left yours.

"My feet hurt." You say to him as you walk over to as if the girls aren't standing there.

"Let's go then." He replied simply already done with the scene and just wanted to be chilling with you.

Your feet were done at this point from dancing all night in them skinny ass heels and he ain't hesitate to carry you bridal style to the Uber.

You wasted no time pulling off your look and slipping into one of your oversized shirts.

"You play too much. Why you left your girlfriend hanging like that?" you ask him laughing softly into his shoulder.

--

Of course he wanted to stay at your villa tonight.

You were both a little tipsy on the shots from the bar and realised that honey whiskey made both of y'all all lovey dovey. 

"She really said I hope y'all enjoy your honeymoon. You a cute couple. Maybe she seen something with us." he says repeating the elderly lady that y'all met in a souvenir shop earlier. Then pondering the thought

"She was really cute though." You say to him as he helps you wipe your makeup and adjust your head scarf in the back for you.

"You wanna use this face mask? You gotta lil sunburn right here on your nose. I told you to wear sunscreen. Talking bout lotion gonna cover it." You scold him softly before giving him a kiss to the tip of his nose. 

"Yeah , lemme go pee real quick." He says before moving from sitting between your legs on the bed.

You knew that you both weren't going to sleep anytime soon. So, you grabbed the laptop and turned on your playlist which mostly consisted of smooth r&b.

You watched as Erik walked out of the bathroom grooving to music and leaned down to kiss you.

Safe to assume that it's impossible to get over how his kisses made your skin light up like the 4th of July.

3 glasses of wine later and y'all were deep into conversation about everything from is there life on other planets to life paths.

"I think if I wasn't a stylist I'd be a criminal psychologist. That type of stuff has always seemed interesting to me." You say as he asks if you watched the new I Am A Killer series on Netflix.

To him revealing that he has a 4 year old daughter.

"Ava? She's the most adorable little thing. I can't wait to meet her one day." You say as you look at the pictures of her. She had his nose and head shape but with hazel eyes. Her adorable 4c fro adorned with jewels and cornrows in the front clasped with berets.

You think for a second wanting to ask him about the situation with the baby mama but didn't want to pry too much into it. Especially if you too planned on just keeping things casual.

"I met her mama while I was deployed. She got ill, and ain't really make it too many days past Ava's 2nd birthday." He says as he rub the back of his neck and shake his head.

You let out a small pout before pulling him in for a warm hug. You lay back with him in your arms and scratch at his scalp gently.

"I can tell that she was a good woman. Just look at how smart and kind and caring Ava is already. She taught her so much in such an unfortunate amount of time." You say thinking over the appropriate answer for the situation.

It's wild to think about this man was your best friend for years. And it feels like everything and nothing has changed all at once.

"I hooked up with Mr. Thomas after graduation." You blurt and Erik looks up at you for a minute before laughing hard as fuck.

"What the fuck? How? When?" He asks as he shakes his head still laughing.

"Well, he been a whole ass snack since junior year and I saw him during the girls trip to Mardi Gras . Like around carnival time. And we just got to talking. He stopped teaching math and now he's like traveling the world and all of this stuff. " You say laughing

"I can't believe that shit. I used to be disrespectful as fuck to that nigga too. He know I was good at math and cause I used to skip his class he always tried to play me like I ain't know nothing. Like nigga I didn't need to cheat off nobody homework or test." He says scoffing at the thought before his phone begins to ring

"We going to the zoo today. Sing the song daddy." Ava asks and she nods before saying hello to her and her grandmother.

"Isn't she lovely. Isn't she wonderful-" He's cut off by her with a shake of her head.

"Not that one - the other one papa." She tells him and you look over to see him thinking before he dramatically says "ooh that one."

Your heart melted as they started singing together. She's smiling and laughing with her father as tried to sing with him.

"We're gonna have a good day. And all my homies gonna ride today. And all these mommies look fly today. And all we wanna do is get by today. Heyyy. We're gonna have a good day. And ain't nobody gotta cry today. Cause ain't nobody gonna die today. You save that drama for another day. Heyyy we gonna have a good day." He finishes and you swear that your heart grew at least two sizes watching him interact with her.

"Have fun at the zoo with Grandma, let her put the sunscreen on you when you get out , and say hey to the penguins for Daddy alright? I'll call you later. " He finishes and he says goodbye to her grandmother before ending the call.

"We came up with it when she start going to pre-school. She hated being away from me . So every morning we would sing the song together and she gets all the special hugs before she goes out the door to carry with her to have a good day. I don't miss a day." He explains and you couldn't help but kiss his face all over.

He was such a multi-faceted person to just sit back and admire. You could get use to this eventually being everyday.

But , a tinge of sadness couldn't help but wash over you . Thinking of what could've been if things hadn't happened the way that they did with you two.

You both eventually drift off while holding him in your arms, tipsy as hell, and feeling full of love.

 

Taglist:

@blackmissfrizzle @chaneajoyyy @sheisexcellent1 @fd-writes @theogbadbitch @yoyolovesbucky @destinio1

Lemme know if I missed anybody x

[honeycombme]

Easy as Breathing (PT. 2)

Clyde has never looked so sweet.

Part 2!

(Pt 3 available here!)

Your fingertips shook ever so slightly as they pulled clothes from your dresser. What do you even wear camping. Nothing you dredged up from the depths of your drawers was satisfying the goal you had in mind. Of course, all you wanted to do was feel desirable, but how do you do that when you’ll just be sweaty and gross for the entire weekend? You decided to just text Lauren. You wrote, “EMERGENCY. Wtf am i supposed to wear to keep Clyde’s attention? Surely not the t-shirt from my middle school robotics team?!”

You felt even more frantic. Bathing suits. You didn’t have anything other than a cheap, all black one-piece. You texted Lauren again. “Ok ok and bathing suits...i’m fucked”. You took a shaky breath, piling in essentials you at least knew you’d need. After all the toiletries and whatnot were sorted, you checked your phone. Lauren must’ve been having a ball. 

“Oh sweetpea, honeybear, sugarplum. I’m at the mall right now, what’s your size?” Her text burned into your retinas as you contemplated whether or not to give her this power. You relented, realizing you were already a lost cause and she could only help from here. After she received your text about sizes, she sent a wink emoji. Winking….about what???

You decided to fold up every piece of clothing you ripped out of your dresser while you waited for her to let you know whether or not she had any luck with bathing suits or clothes. You bargained with yourself, realizing t-shirts, shorts, and leggings would just have to do in this case. You folded everything neatly into a duffle bag, cursing under your breath at your nerves. 

Your phone dinged. When you unlocked the screen, Clyde’s name came into view. Your heart fluttered and you felt the butterflies again. You’d been texting on and off since last night you went to the bar, getting to know each other little by little. You learned that  he loves spaghetti and the smell of the Earth fresh after the rain. You learned that he was in the military and that he enjoys the moon more than the sun. You learned that his favorite dessert was peach cobbler. You also learned that you wanted to learn everything about him. 

He texted, “Just finished puttin some booze in a cooler for us, that way everything’ll be nice and chilled when we get there. I’m sure excited to be gettin there and settlin’ down for the night. I hope you’re as excited as I am, darlin.” You leaned against the closest wall you could find, re-reading the text over and over as you sighed. No matter what you wore, you were certain it’d be perfect. 

Lauren proposed that you both drive together to minimize the amount of cars at the campsite. When she showed up, she invited herself in to help you with bags. She looked you up and down as she saw you standing in your living room, closing the door and whipping her head back around. In her hands was a small fabric bag and she began pulling out the contents. 

“Ok so I packed you the swimsuit and a couple other essentials; however, we need to fix this outfit immediately,” she laughed, walking over and placing a hand on your shoulder. “Listen dear, you’re perfect; but if i’m going to live vicariously through you, i’m gonna need you to put these on.” She held out her hand, holding a few items of clothing. 

You unfurled the clothes, revealing a cropped, v-neck tank top, high-waisted jean shorts, a thin, loose cardigan, and a ballcap. You looked from the clothing to her, panic rising in your throat. 

“Y/n, it’s going to be fine. This way you’ll be more comfortable, too. It’s hotter than a rattlesnakes taint out there.” Lauren was perfect. She always had a quip to make you laugh, put you at ease. You ran into the bathroom and changed as fast as you could, trying not to look at yourself in the mirror too hard. When you walked out, she praised you. 

“YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS girl, I AM drooling. I’m quite the life saver. No need to thank me, let’s just get outta here, shall we?” With a spring in her step, she grabbed the bag and walked out of the door. You picked up your own bag and shuffled out, locking the door behind you. And so it begins. 

When you arrived at the campsite, there was a man in a guard shack checking every vehicle in. As Lauren approached, she stated the party’s name (Clyde Logan…*sigh*) and the man let you through. You drove for about 20 minutes around and around seemingly endless trees, camp sites, and then back the place you started. 

“Fuck,” gritted Lauren. She was visibly frustrated, and you were no better to navigate the woods than her. You decided to text Clyde. 

“Classic. Girls lost in the woods. Any way you can give me a play by play on how to get there?” You sent your text in a flash. Only seconds later, Clyde’s name appeared on your screen; he was calling. 

Your stomach dropped but you answered quickly (too quickly? Oh shut up y/n). 

“Hey there darlin’ can ya give me an idea of where you’re at? I can walk up to the main street ta meet ya.” His southern drawl was exceptional, I mean. WHERE did he pick this gorgeous twang from, the heavens?  

You chatted quickly about your surroundings, coming about a gentleman holding a phone, looking in the other direction. It was him. His hair was halfway pulled back into a convenient bun, t-shirt ripped open on the sides revealing his sides and chest. You shuddered slightly. When he turned his head your way, Lauren had slowed down drastically. He smiled and waved his arms for you to follow him. The path became littered with branched and trees, the further you drove in, the thicker the foliage became. Lauren kept a decent distance between him and the car. 

“Sure is looking like a snack for you, hmm?” she teased. She bit her tongue and smiled wildly when you glanced at her, pleading. Your nerves were already shot, and you felt way out of your element in this outfit. The skin that was exposed feeling every draft that passed you. 

When the car stopped, your stomach jolted upwards. You exited the car, tugging at the hem of the crop top to try and regain some modesty. Clyde was talking to Jimmy, but when he looked over and saw you, he jogged over to help. 

“Ya made it in one piece, ladies,” he beamed, giving Lauren the quickest of embraces. He made his way to you, smiling wildly as he placed an arm around you tightly, burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. You could’ve sworn he breathed you in. When he pulled away, he eyed you up and down, eyes lingering on the skin between your shorts and your crop top. You were immediately away of your exposed skin again, tugging at the hem of the shirt. 

He led you into the clearing of the campsite, holding you and Lauren’s bags over his shoulder. She reached for hers as he showed you where your tent was, escaping into the tent to set her stuff up. He placed yours down next to his tent. 

“This here’s Jimmy Logan, worst best brother ta ever walk the earth-” Clyde stated as Jimmy walked towards you arms open. 

“And you must be the pretty little thing he’s been ravin’ about, c’mere sweetie,” Jimmy Logan’s arms were around you in the blink of an eye, Your left hand raising to pat his back. As he pulled away, you noticed how bright his eyes were, a stark contrast from Clyde’s molasses colored eyes. His smile was warm and genuine, an honest smile you realized you needed to see. Jimmy’s friend introduced himself and you shook hands, becoming acquainted with everyone. 

When Lauren reappeared, she also received the same introductions, hugs and quips. You were both led through the options for dinner and available snacks, Clyde hanging around in the background sipping a beer. He was tending to a small fire, attempting to build it into one that would last the evening. Lauren and you spent a good fifteen minutes applying sunscreen and bugspray, leaving you both slightly greasy with a bit of sickly perfume hanging on your skin. 

A few hours had gone by and drinks were heavily passed around, sitting by the fire. No one was shy to drink from Jimmy’s friend’s flask after a few drinks, and boy did it burn. You swallowed an accidental mouthful from the flask, trying to regain control of your facial expression as it burned your esophagus. 

“That there is my momma’s best apple pie moonshine,” declared Jimmy’s friend. “She won awards from it….there’s another handle in my trunk.” He laughed, holding his belly as the flask made its way back to him. 

“Sometimes I honestly believe your momma’s been tryna kill you with that stuff,” chuckled Jimmy, slapping his chest as the remnants of the moonshine trickled down. You smiled into the heat of the fire and the heat in your veins. Shit. You were a little drunk. 

You were saved by Clyde pulling out hot dogs and the works. You mowed down probably two...maybe three hot dogs when you felt you had control of your mouth. Jimmy and his friend spent the sunset asking you and Lauren questions about your lives. He kept referring to you as “city girls” and acting in awe of the life you had back in New England. It was interesting to see their reactions to your everyday ventures. 

You asked the same amount of questions in return, learning about Jimmy’s criminal past (he has nothing to hide) and his hopes for the future. Clyde remained quiet and attentive, soaking in all the information. You turned to face him. “What about you, mister tall, dark and mysterious?” You felt brazen, realizing you didn’t mean to put him on the spot. Clyde just smiled at you. 

“I’ll tell ya anything you wanna know, miss.”

You all got to talking about how Clyde came to own Duck Tape, how he and Jimmy got themselves into all sorts of trouble, and how they used to come to this campsite to get away from all the negatives in their lives. 

The sun was beyond set and you began to feel the draft of the air against your skin becoming colder and colder. Without realizing you were, you started shivering; teeth chattering every so often as you attempted to stifle it. It was nerves as well, Lauren and Jimmy’s friend hit it off, deciding to go watch the fireflies by the lake's edge. Now it was you, Clyde, and Jimmy. 

“Welp, since the suns down I’m gonna take this chance to go wash off the day. You guys need anything, you holler.” Jimmy stood promptly, grabbing his bag from beside his tent and walked off into the woods. 

“Shower?” you questioned Clyde. You didn’t realize but he had stood when Jimmy did, perhaps he wanted to go shower as well. 

“Yeah, it’s like a quarter-for-a-few-minutes of hot water deal,” he explained. “It’s in an old log cabin up the road.”

“Aaah,” you teased, “so this isn’t real camping..”

He came to sit by your side, shoving you playfully with his shoulder. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with wantin ta stay pampered,” he let his hair out of the bun and shook it loose. You could smell the spicy shampoo from his hair, the deodorant clinging to his skin, the peppery cologne he must be wearing…He chuckled at his own playfulness

You breathed in deep. “Mmm tell me you brought some of that shampoo to share, mister Logan.” You smiled sweetly at Clyde and then looked back to the crackling fire. Another gust of wind, stronger than the others, attacked your exposed skin, causing you to shiver. Clyde noticed, getting up and walking towards his tent. How could this hot, muggy place have such freezing night time drafts?

Clyde returned with a balled up piece of clothing in his hand. “Arms up,” he demanded. You looked to him confused, raising your arms. He pulled the material out and draped it around your arms, tugging it down until your hands met the holes of a shirt. He grabbed his own shirt for you to wear...to keep you warm. You melted. It smelled just like him. Not exposed to the smell of burning wood, the shirt exuded his scent, each subtle note gracing your senses. You sighed as the shirt enveloped you, coming to your thighs. 

The heat of the fire on your shins matched the heat in your cheeks now. Clyde seemed closer than ever, yet the two of you were silent. 

“Clyde?” Your voice pierced a scared rhythm of crackling in the embers of the fire. 

“Y/n?” he replied.

“I think you’re too cool for me,” you joked, halfway believing it. 

He smiled wide, “Too cool...ain’t never heard that one before. Truth be told, i’m a little shy. And hell, maybe a little nervous.” 

“Nervous?”

“Yeah...i’m not real good at the whole...smooth talkin’ thing.” He looked from the fire to the ground. You turned to face him. 

“Smooth talkin’ thing,” you repeated. “Clyde, you don’t need to play games with people, you’re the real deal. That’s why all the women at the bar hang on your every word, why I come as often-” You stopped yourself. Don’t give too much away, damnit. Even if the moonshine is strong, you needed to at least not make yourself vulnerable. You looked to the ground, then to his prosthetic arm which was glinting in the fire. In your peripheral vision, Clyde was looking down at you with the faintest smirk. 

“Yes, miss y/n? Please continue,” he demanded.

You huffed a breath through your nose, taking a sip of the drink you had been nursing. “All i’m saying is...I can’t seem to get enough of being around you. You make this whole reassignment..I don’t know...brighter? Sweeter? You make everything as easy as breathing when I come to see you at the bar. I’m sure you get a lot of this, but it sure means a lot to me to have you around.” You weren’t sure where you pulled the courage to say all of this, but you realized you’d begun shaking from nerves. 

Clyde’s eyes contained the image of the fire reflected back to you. Of course they did. He’s the only person that’s made you feel hotter than the West Virginia sun. The only face you’ve pictured late at night when your hands dip below your panty line. The only thing giving you a glimmer of hope for happiness in this lonely town. You were only able to hold his gaze for a moment. His hair was curling at the ends from the humidity, a slight breeze sending the scent of his shampoo to your senses. 

“You must not know how much I think of you, y/n,” he began, “ever since you been comin’ to my bar for a laugh, I’ve been hangin off every word you say to me.” He looked down at his shirt wrapped around your body. “You are the highlight of my day, every time I see your pretty face gracin’ my bar. I love makin’ you your favorite drinks, watchin you sip and be happy with your girlfriend...hell, i’d do anything to make you feel happy,” he chuckled. “I honestly never thought I stood a chance with lady as beautiful as you, always comin to see me in those perfect dresses.” 

You shuddered at the thought of him noticing you in your dress, wondering what you were wearing underneath, how the fabric would feel against his skin…

“Y/n!” yelled Lauren. 

You both perked up, not realizing how close your faces had gotten in your conversation. You became acutely aware of the smoke coming your way in contrast to the scent of Clyde’s body coming closer to yours. You turned to face Lauren, walking with Jimmy’s friend. 

“Yes, Lauren?”

~

@callmehopeless​...because I LOVE annoying you with attention

[amysmarch]

~how i’m feeling~ | rp sentence starter

drugs & the internet

“another life, another story, ( she ) walked out, said i was boring.” 

“shit, i said i'm never trying.“

“'til the bitter end, but every now and then, i wonder what it feels like to be more than i am.”

“i traded all my friends for drugs and the internet.“

“ah shit, am i a winner yet?“

“and i don't wanna base my actions, on reactions or the things they say.”

“so now i'm laying in my bed, and i can't get out my head.”

fuck, i’m lonely

“call you one time, two time, three time, i can't wait no more.”

“i know its been a minute since you walked right through that door, but i still think about you all the time.” 

“i don't know, i don't know how i'm gonna make it out.”

“fuck, i'm lonely.”

“fuck, come hold me.”

“yeah i still watch the shows you showed me, i still drink that wine but these days it tastes more bitter than sweet.”

“and all my friends are way too drunk to save me from my phone, so sorry if i say some things i mean.”

“miss those nights when you would come over, spent all night just tryin' to get closer.”

lonely eyes

“i don't mean to be rude, there's things in myself that i see in you.”

“she had those lonely eyes, i only know 'cause i have them too.”

“no, you don't have to hide, the things you feel inside, i feel too.”

“'cause i'm lonely just like you.“

“we might speak different languages, and we might have differences. but where you are, i'm right there too.”

“stay the night, stay the week.“

“when you're gone, i don't sleep.”

“when you're gone, i feel weak.“

sims

“i wish that you and i lived in the sims.”

“we could build a house and plant some flowers and have kids.”

“i'll probably never see you again.”

“i wish that we lived on a vhs. i’d erase the things i said and that i'll probably say again, hit rewind on all the times i got lost in my head.”

“goddamn, i wish we would've met on another night, baby.”

“i wish that we met walkin' round the moma.” 

“yeah, i'd say nice to meet you, 'stead of saying nice to know you.”

“i'd try to impress you with some bullshit 'bout monet.”

believed

“almost got a place out in midtown, instead i took a plane out of this town.“

“wasted, and all of my regret, i can taste it. if i had a time machine i would take it and make it back to us.”

“now i'm reminiscing 'round the clock, wish that i could make it stop.”

“shoulda believed in us, while we existed. 'cause now the whole thing's fucked, and just a figment of my imagination.” 

“and i wish i would've been patient, instead i let in all the emotions.”

billy

“nobody told ( him ) the world was mean.”

“nobody thought ( he ) could amount to anything.” 

feelings

“is my love too much, or is it just enough, for you?”

“'cause it's getting late, would you like to stay?”

“we could cross that line, know we've been friends.”

“and love only knows broken ends. yeah, that's what you said.”

“'cause feelings are hard to find.“

canada

“waking up in your bed, it's almost like i've been here forever.”

“i'm obsessed with your brain.”

“what if we move to canada?“

“buy some things we don't need, bring your mother's dog, your paintbrush and some candy.”

“how you talk with your hands, and how you sigh like a movie.”

“and we got luck so bad, we have to laugh. i guess we're lucky that, we don't need much outside of us, do we?“

“and when they talk about those, people who up and leave? that could be us.” 

for now

“i keep you right here in my brain, even when we're waking up in different cities.” 

“i know it's hard to feel so close to someone that's so far away.“

“for now, i'll love you through the phone.”

“for now, our friends will fill this home.” 

“in the shadow of the moon, found the memory of that night we were in portland.”

“the moment i told you, that no matter where we are, you're still my best friend.”

“and if i had a candle i would wish you back to me.”

mean it

“i can't tell what you're thinkin', please tell me what you're thinkin'.” 

“but you text me when you feel like, when it feels right to you.” 

“i'm fallin' faster.” 

“don't tell me that you need me.” 

“don't tell me you're falling, with your feet still on the ledge.”

“don't kiss me, no, don't kiss me.”

“you know you got me in the palm of your hand, but i love those hands.”

“but you only let me hold you when ( he ) can't.”

“you've been staring at me with a heart of doubt.”

tell my mama

“i been thinking that life's too short, so many friends got their life cut short.” 

“now i'm standing here doing lines in the bathroom.”

“i hate myself.”

“i been hiding pain, it's underneath.”

“and i been up so long i'm scared to sleep.”

“tell my mama that i love her, and i'm sorry for the pain.“

“and everybody says that i've been manic. i think they might be right, but i still manage.”

“lately, i been so annoyed. ‘cause they think that i'm just paranoid.”

sweatpants

“coffee with a little bit of alcohol.”

“oh no, no, don't judge me, just 'cause i do anything to get by.”

“said you don't wanna know who i am anymore, you don't care anymore. yeah, i can't really blame you.” 

“and i don't wanna know, who you're with when you leave.” 

“swear i still feel you on my skin.”

“i really miss you.”

“but, baby, that's not the issue, the issue is coming back.” 

“we've been through this, we both know. we'll fight, fuck then let it go.“

who

“sometimes, i swear i think you hate me like.”

“i need to get outta here.”

“'cause you're not the ( girl ) i fell in love with, baby.” 

“'cause something has changed, you're not the same, i hate it.”

“feelin' hypnotized by the words that you said.”

i’m so tired...

“i'm so tired of love songs.”

“party, trying my best to meet somebody. but everybody around me is falling in love to our song.” 

“strangers, killing my lonely nights with strangers.”

“hurts like heaven, lost in the sound.”

“buzzcut season like you're still around.”

“can't unmiss you and i need you now.”

el tejano

“i met a ( girl ) at el tejano.“

“i'm from wherever you're going tonight."

“i always find myself in random situations.“

“do you wanna have a little bit of fun tonight?“

tattoos together

“i'd never fall but then i fell for you.“

“one weekend in portland, you weren't even my ( girl )friend. we were walkin' and talkin' then somebody said, let's get tattoos together.” 

“if it's way too soon, fuck it, whatever.”

“if it's not forever, then at least we'll have tattoos together.”

“'cause i love you.”

“knew it from the moment, from the moment that i saw you naked, could never love nobody else, the way i loved you baby.” 

“yeah, your cherry earrings are my favourite.“

“i've been hopin', prayin' we last forever, 'cause there's nothing better than you and i.” 

changes

“i'm getting rid of all my clothes i don't wear, i think i'm gonna cut my hair cause these days i don't feel like me.”

“i think i'm gonna take a break from alcohol, probably won't last that long, but lord knows i could use some sleep.”

“changes. they might drive you half insane but it's killing you to stay the same.” 

“living with your eyes half open.”

“it's all gonna work out.” 

“i think I'm gonna take some pills to fix my brain, i've tried it every other way. some things you can't fix yourself.”

sad forever

“life feels like a daydream.”

“voices always keeping me up, telling me that i should give up.”

“'cause lately i've been in the backseat to my own life.” 

“i don't wanna be sad forever.”

“i don't wanna wake up and wonder, what the hell am i doing this for?”

“i'll make it through to tomorrow, 'cause that's all i can do today.” 

invisible things

“do you still remember the way that we felt when we were kids?“

“yeah, we built castles out of couches. felt fire without matches.” 

“made promises without fear of getting burned.”

“we think happy is expensive.”

“it's the invisible things that i, that i love the most.”

“so let me hold you close.”

julia

“when we met i wasn't me, i was so numb.” 

“i was so lonely.”

“out on the run i wasn't free, and you came along but you couldn't save me.”

“my hesitation and holding my breath, i led you in to the garden of my loneliness.”

“wish that you left, before it all burned down.”

“i'm sorry what i do to you.”

“i push and pull and mess with your head, then get in your bed 'cause i'm weak, deep down.” 

“i wish i never lied to you.”

“i never meant to hurt you like that, and if i could go back i'd leave you alone.”

“when i left, i wasn't sure that i could love.“

“i won't lie to you no more, 'cause i know i did before hope you find what you looking for.” 

modern loneliness

“i've been thinkin' 'bout my father lately, the person that he made me, the person i've become.” 

“and i've been tryna fill all of this empty. but, fuck, i'm still so empty.”

“yeah, i could use some love.”

“i've been trying to find a reason to get up.”

“the baggage in my heart is still so dark.”

“modern loneliness. we're never alone, but always depressed.” 

“love my friends to death, but i never call and i never text 'em.”

“yeah, you get what you give and you give what you get.”

“we love to get high, but we don't know how to come down.”

“if i could break my dna to pieces, rid of all my demons.”

“if i could cleanse my soul, then i could fill the world with all my problems.”

“we're never alone, but always depressed.”

[rigginsstreet]

who’s ready for a rant cuz youre getting one anyway

will i ever stop being mad about the devolution of alice coopers character in season 2? for literally the sake of a fucking flop ass relationship that caters to fans and madchen who have no taste? no

s1 alice IS the better alice. no ifs ands or buts about it. you absolutely cannot change my mind. but fandom cant handle female characters who are just straight up, unapologetically bitches (its the same fucking reason we got 2 seconds of mob boss!hermione before finding out she’s apparently just a pawn in her husbands schemes.... get the fuck out of here. the hermione at the start of s2 and the hermione at the end of s2 are two different people and guess which one i prefer.... take your time.)

ANYWAY. s1 alice was complex. she had her reasons for her behavior whether you liked them or not. SHE felt justified. and you know what? not every action or thought process made by a character needs to be “good” or “right”. but yall just couldnt fucking handle that. and yes, by the end of the season we got a sob story to let us in on why alice is the way she is. and that was great. but it didnt completely change her. even at the start of s2 she was still her snippy judgy self but oh my god once we started getting into flice territory and chic and betty and the fucking serpents well then.... wow.... goodbye alice cooper and hello pod!alice. 

she starts making choices that make absolutely no goddamn sense and you know....i can only take the “i miss my long lost son and will do anything to keep him” excuse for so long. and where i draw the line is COVERING UP A FUCKING MURDER FOR A BITCH YOU MET ALL OF 5 MINUTES AGO! but yall really sat there and thought that was acceptable my mind is... blown. 

and what i absolutely will never forgive yall for is thinking its cute for alice cooper to take her ass down to the trailer park with her titties pushed up tryna fuck her daughters boyfriends father WHAT PART OF THAT SENTENCE, TO YOU, SOUNDS GOOD? SAY IT OUT LOUD. READ IT AGAIN. EXPLAIN TO ME WHERE YALL FIND THE FUCKING LOGIC IN THAT

all we got in s2 was alice crying the whole goddamn time and going back to a life she spent YEARS trying to escape and yall call that “growth” get the fuck outta here i have a headache. she’s not just a shell of her former self. 

i get that alice was a character meant to be “likable” but im so tired of female characters only allowed to ~earn~ that title after theyre completely stripped of every characteristic that made them *them* (its the same shit that pissed me off in the maleficent movie LEAVE MY FEMALE VILLAINS ALONE)

and on the flipside, you have penelope blossom who the writers decided needs to be completely unlikable to the point they forced in some half ass contrived ass homophobia story for her FUCK. YOU. and penelope is still given her moments of vulnerability (barely) and we can see on some level she does care for cheryl but guess what? if i redemption arc for penelope means her becoming some lifeless doormat like alice (like she really had no reaction to her grandkids being taken across the country.... thats not my alice cooper), I DONT WANT IT! 

and fandom needs to do better. yall are so fucking wrapped up in characters being the heroes and having ~pure~ motives and whatever other bullshit that the minute a character comes along to say “fuck that” yall POUNCE. id rather have an entertaining villain than a boring ass hero thank you. 

and im still fucking laughing over madchen being a proponent for strong female characters who arent “just wives/girlfriends” meanwhile shes the one sitting here like “we need more flice! let alice have a walk of shame out of fps trailer” girl.... bye. nothing about this fucking storyline is female empowerment i hope to god no ones looking at s2 alice for guidance jfc 

s2 alice is a joke. they ruined a perfectly good character is what they did and for what? so yall could jerk off to thoughts of madchen and skeet? so yall could feel better about enjoying alice? god forbid a woman be angry or mean or hard. fuck off

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #057

Are you anything like your siblings? I mean in some ways, sure, but I really am mostly dissimilar to most of them. According to Mom though I AM very much like my oldest half-sister Katie. I wish she lived around here. Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? I do; my boyfriend is my best friend, and I am also close to my WoW "big brother" Sam. I need to reach out and say hi again, it's been a while since we've chatted. Back in the day we used to play the game together while talking on Skype like all day. What can you smell? Lysol. Mom tested positive for Covid today so is tryna keep the house sterilized. Do you want to see somebody right now? Yeah; it's Girt's and my anniversary and he was gonna spend the day with me but Mom being sick threw a wrench in that plan. He himself just got over Covid and I obviously don't want him getting it again. Him staying healthy is way more important. Are you a forgiving person? I'm too fucking forgiving.

Who did you last fall asleep with? Besides my cat, Girt. Would you hug the last person you hugged again? Ha ha yeah, that would be my mom. Maybe TMI but she was measuring me for bra sizing and she ended up squeezing me into a real tight hug when she put her arms around me. She's adorable. Can you be your complete self around the person you like? Yes, and I am extremely grateful for that. Have you had “the best night of your life”? I thought so. If you were offered to smoke some weed right now, would you accept? Probably no but idk. Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning? In the morning, primarily because that's when I have more strength, but also because I feel like I started off my day productively. Who’s the most controlling person you know? Probably my sister's fucking husband. To name just one bullshit thing, he refuses to let Ash go to the gym because that MUST mean she's going to see other guys. I hate his guts. Does anyone keep a photo of you in their purse/wallet, and if so, who? I doubt that. How many instruments do you own/have you owned? Three: recorder, flute, electric guitar. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do. Have you ever been burgled? No, thankfully. Do males look good in skinny jeans? Yep, I was into that in high school especially. For or against guyliner? I LIVE for guyliner asldkfjalkwsejr;awe What’s the name of one of your friend’s dog? Uh I mention Charlie enough so how about Mazzy and The Love of My Life named Beemo. :') I like all of their dogs' names but Beemo is just special to me ok Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A giant centipede, like African ones and stuff. They are mega cool animals but are also terrifying at the same time; they are SO fast and their bites are notoriously horrendous. What’s the last thing you bought from eBay? Uh, good question. I think MAYBE back when Mom was trying to get the game Ico for me, she used it. We got the game twice from there and each time the game didn't work, boo. It's an old PS2 game so is no longer produced and is hard to find anywhere at a reasonable price. Do you have a picture of you throwing up the peace sign? Yeah, I actually - shocking - quite like that picture of me. Does your father have any facial hair? Yes. Did your grandparents teach you anything? How to not be an old-fashioned, bigoted witch, yes. Have you ever been to Arizona? Did you like it? No, but Arizona is actually a place I would like to visit to herp primarily just to see a Sonoran coachwhip snake (they're mostly pink!) as well as tarantulas. Maybe even a Gila monster and/or rock rattlesnake! When was the last time it rained where you live? Last night. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Did you like it? Yeah, and it's gotten some laughs outta me for sure. You just caught your bf/gf kissing someone of the same sex. Reaction? Well he's straight so I'd be very confused and also very angry because we're together. Reach your right arm out. What do you touch? Girt's pillow. You have to write a story for English, due tomorrow. What do you write? Realistically it would probably be like a random spin-off of an RP story or something relating to meerkats in general. Any concerts you’re attending coming up soon? Not that I know of, but Rammstein will be announcing more US tour dates next month and I am PRAAAAAYINNNNNNNNG they pick somewhere near here. ;_; What part of the body did you last get pierced? Uhhhh I wanna say tongue? But it may have been my tragus, idr. Any of your friends getting married? My friends Rachel and Tommy have their wedding soon! They sent out a Facebook RSVP and honestly I'm thinking of going. I'd love to get closer with them. Who was the last person you took a picture with? My niece and nephew, I think? Are you currently talking to/texting/instant messaging anyone? Not at the moment. What’s one thing you’d like to accomplish in your lifetime? Publish one relatively successful piece of artwork. What’s your biggest concern right now? My mom being okay. She feels really, really sick and is immunocompromised so reaslitically, just frankly, she could die. She hasn't had her booster shots, so... that makes things worse. How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? One romantically, another in the platonic/familial way. Ever been to a friend's house and starved the whole time? Aha, yeah honestly. Who’s the last person you had a sleepover with? Girt. What’s the biggest bruise you’ve ever had? I'm actually not sure. Who is the youngest person in your immediate family? My two-year-old niece. I actually don't know if nieces/nephews are considered "immediate" family, but I consider them such. Do you remember the last song you slow danced to? lol kindly fuck off Do you plan on having alcohol at your wedding? I've never thought about this, but probably not. I wouldn't want even the risk of guests driving home intoxicated being present. Are you one of those people that are always cold? No, I'm absolutely always hot. Have you ever gone spotting deer? Oh my god, this brought back SUCH a treasured memory. When I was a little kid, sometimes at sunset my dad would take my sisters and me across the street between our neighbors' houses where there was some woods and a field, and deer frequented the spot. God, it was always so beautiful. The memory is really faint, but it's there for sure. We'd get so excited if they were out. Do you think your ex still wants to be with you? Most likely not. Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever put alcohol/drugs before you? No, I would never tolerate that. Are you listening to music right now? No, I'm watching Game Grumps play I'm On Observation Duty 5. What are your initials? BMD. What was the last thing you ate? I had a chicken sandwich for dinner. When was the last time you ran? It's literally been years. How did you get one of your scars? Fainting straight onto my chin in the bathroom. Who do you text the most? I pretty much only text my mom. I talk to my boyfriend and friends via Discord nowadays. Do you wish you had a pool table? Not especially. We used to have one when I was younger, though. Ash's kids have it now. Ever been to Olive Garden? Many times, it's my favorite "fancy" restaurant. What is something of which you need more in your life? Adventure and fun, really. Money. Do you tend to view your existence as more pleasant or unpleasant? Unpleasant, quite honestly. When was the last time you ate a great deal of food in one sitting? Not sure. Do you enjoy talking about music with others? YES. Is acting something you enjoy? No, I feel VERY awkward. Who was the last person to do something kind for you? Uhhh Mom brought home dinner yesterday. What was going on the last time you were in a bed with someone else? ... stuff lol What color of hair do you find the sexiest on the opposite gender? Of natural hair colors, usually black, but in like, ANY individual I am generally more attracted to colored hair. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah. Who is the last person you sent a message to on Facebook? Just checked, it was my sister Misty. We briefly chatted recently, just checking in on each other. What was the last thing you said? I told Mom as she was laying down for bed that if she needed anything during the night to wake me up. Do you ever get flu shots? The only flu shot I've ever gotten was the initial Covid vaccine. I really do need to get my boosters as well as the regular influenza shots in the future, though... I just don't like getting shots because they burn and I never feel like going out of my way to get them, either. Plus I'm like, always home so feel less at risk. I should get them regardless, though. Do you turn your computer off completely at night, or just standby? I never turn it off, honestly. Is there one show you just can’t stand? I might get hell for this, but the show Teen Mom upsets me extremely. Teenagers ARE NOT meant to be parents and I will always believe the show glorifies it, even if it's not intended. Some topics are not meant to be the focus of a television show. Do you watch Disney Channel and Nickelodeon still? No. Do you like white Christmases? Absolutely!! Can you shoot a basketball? Yeah, at least I used to be pretty good at it. I know the basic idea of how to correctly; I actually used to quite like playing it when I was a kid. Have you ever gotten stuck in an elevator? omfg no, thank GOD Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever had a home grown tomato? Yes, they're actually not bad for a sandwich, and I generally hate tomatoes. When we were still friends, Colleen would sometimes give me some of her in-law's from their garden since I helped a lot out there (even though I hated every second of it lmao) and they tasted like, NOTHING like those from the store. Have you ever lived through a hurricane? Many; hurricanes are common where I live. Do you like to draw? I love to draw, I just wish I was better. Do you have soft hands? Do you like holding hands? I have EXTREMELY soft hands, so soft that I frequently can't even open bottle caps because it hurts too much. I only like holding hands with my partner or if you're my niece Emerson and she wants to drag me somewhere, ha ha.

[achanceforus-x-blog]

My story so far

I am writing this to hopefully raise awareness and shed some light on situations people ignore or dismiss. I want to help people no matter what their going through with my words , my wisdom and inspire and give my strength to anyone who feels they have none left. My story so far .. A few major things had happened in the years before hand (Ill save these stories for another time) causing my mental health to deteriorate (such a big problem in our generation, thats just kept so secretive) Feeling lost and deflated keeping quiet about all my problems , our problems keeping shit to myself. Feeling to breathless and anxious to even leave the house for work. Falling out with friends because I was weak they thought I was stupid for all Ive put up with, a toxic relationship. Me and my long term partner would just argue and fuss and fight for hours to the point of ultimate distress on both halves. Neither of us really knew what we wanted when you've been romantic with one person for so long it can get really crazy I believe noones a bad person though I believe people only do bad things and thats the stage we were at doing bad things. The physical altercations got to much for us both it seemed as though we were killing each other slowly. Who bruises someone they love? Who try's to hurt them with wicked words? Im so done been a wicked person but we both had a bad mental state and combined it was not pretty. I lived with him and his family in not the most comfortable environment this could also spark our disagreements. Working full time jobs, missing each other , no trust in each other , assumptions , we even thought it was acceptable to lay our hands on one another at some points which is never ok on either part male or female. So with all this been said what the hell was a girl to do I felt I couldn't go home to my mother as it had been to long I was kind of brainwashed id fantasise about the days I didn't have to stay at my partners family's house anymore. One day I just became exhausted the fighting became to much and I finally stopped provoking and reacting then we remembered we can talk to each other. So after about a week of exhaustion and finally getting along again I started not to feel myself even more we got drunk at a christmas party ( I had some time of work and got drunk every day since the 16th December until just after christmas to numb my issues ) but this time we both got drunk at the party and we started loving on each other again like we had before he made a silly comment about my belly and said I had a little him in there. Which we both just laughed off drunkly as I thought yeah impossible. This comment didnt leave my mind all night then when a still slightly drunk but a more sober me woke up that comment was the first thing on my mind. I asked him what the fuck he meant?! He said he was just drunk and playing with me. Then I started to think wait I havent been feeling right for awhile I put it down to just been sad. But something kind of clicked in me I felt sick and I turned to my partner and said omg you've gotta get me a test he looked puzzled but when I explained he went to the corner shop and came back with three tests. I was terrified not to lie , id been pregnant before when I was younger and that didn't end well as they couldn't find a heartbeat .. Pure dread came into my heart and pure fear I started to feel more sick and panicked than ever. What if I lost a baby again I already accepted the fact I couldn't carry nor could I get pregnant again after the damage left and the blood transfusions and all the struggles of the time before. I didn't even want to be a mother at all , or did I ? No not Atleast until I was like 30 or something id pushed all thoughts of ever been someones mother out of my head for a while as it was to painful. Ugh why me , why didn't we glove up why did it have to feel so good why why why and then to think I had been drinking and smoking. Shit. I stopped all these thoughts and quickly manned up and took all the tests to the bathroom. All positive. Shit. Id not long started a great new job though , I was really excelling and I dont wanna be a mother and surely history would repeat itself? Were the tests right? I cant even get pregnant can I? Ive been drinking so much and smoking, ive been so sad ive been getting into scraps with my partner how far gone was I? Had we scrapped when I was pregnant? Im trapped. So many thoughts I sat in the bathroom and just let out a deep breath. Im the strongest person I know lol or am I or do I just suppress shit and abuse substances to get over the way i felt ? Either way I felt strong I know im strong after everything id been through before in the past year let alone the past few years. Okay It is what it is man. Walked out the bathroom and handed my partner all the tests we looked at each other he widened his eyes then he smiled real hard probably the most he'd smiled at me in a long time, he was happy but he was worried because he to lost his baby when I did before. We both lost the baby. It was ours and now we were faced with that feeling once again omg were pregnant wtf to do?! Not to mention We found out on new years eve!! So all of our plans cancelled. Man if this wasnt the time for me to get drunk and high I dont know what was. So we left it for a few days. We agreed to rebuild ourselves and rebuild our friendship and then out relationship. We obviously still loved and cared for each other but we had to make a pact no more toxic mess not around my baby no way no how. No More drinking for me I told myself I also stopped smoking cigarettes I was the moodiest id been in a month or so withdrawal symptoms really aint the one. I found it extremely hard to stop getting high though truthfully that had been my addiction and coping mechanism for years I felt even more lost wondering what the fuck I was gonna do without getting high everyday after work after a busy day after just having to wake up. Truly exhausting. Still only me and my partner knew our secret whilst I struggled to come to terms with it. At work I had the worst morning sickness ever I wont post to much about this but my job included me having to be really hands on and alert at all times It was getting real tough. I needed to tell someone. I told my manager their reaction wasn't really what I needed I guess they felt I was deliberately(damn it took spell check along time to figure out wtf I was just tryna spell) deliberately ruining their business. Great. And more exhaustion and more morning sickness. I need my mom Yo. The next day I went to my moms house and just came right out with everything she was shocked , happy , scared because of last time of course. My darling mom man I missed her she reacted just how Id wanted her to by getting my shits together telling me I had to make decisions from now and ultimately booking me a private paid scan for the next evening to check everything was ok. Work on this day was the worst all I could think about was whether I was gonna see that little heartbeat or whether it would have stopped like last time, like last time like last time all i kept thinking was like last time. Jesus get me the fuck out of here It was going slow though because I was clock watching. Finally it was time to leave i was outta there in no time I felt so sick driving to the scan place we picked up my partner It was just us three I could tell my mom and him were terrified to but they were just tryna be happy and make me laugh but i literally couldn't even speak I just felt so weird , silence please until we get this over with. So we arrive at the place and I swear my feet stopped working and my legs like I couldn't even get out of the car, mom helped me. Okay this is it. There was like a ten minute wait for the sonographer it felt more like ten fucking hours. Id zoned anyway I didnt know what anyone was saying and if they were talking to me I wasnt listening, finally they called me. We got into the scan room and oh my life Ive never experienced fear like it I personally thought I was fearless nothing scared me but this did. My mom literally had to lift me onto the bed and pull up my top for the scan and then explain to the sonographer Id had a bad experience in the past. My partner looked at me and smiled but I could see past his smile I could tell he was fucking shit scared just like me so he came and held my hand she rubbed the cold jelly on my stomach and began to look around Id covered my eyes by this point cos in my head I thought well at least this time if theres no heartbeat I wouldn't have to see it. I heard people talking my mom , the sonographer , some other woman in the back supervising I just wasnt listening to what they were saying my mom stood up and took my hands from my eyes and said its okay look! I looked and there was my beautiful little bean with the strongest heartbeat ive ever saw the sonographer turned to me and said your only eight weeks so not far gone at all but they have a real strong heartbeat and so far everything looks fine. I just froze and started sobbing. My little bean I couldn't believe it they printed us some scan pictures and I prized myself up of their bed and we went back to my moms house on the way back I was sick all over myself in the car in my new tracksuit that was really something. A part of me just couldn't believe I had a living thing inside of me. Wow got to my moms house cleaned up and ate some food and we talked and we made decisions and I told her I didn't wanna be a mother and she told me really it was tough and I should of thought about it before I didnt use protection. Lol typical thanks mom though I needed that. So I should have been relaxed cos there was a heartbeat but all I kept thinking about was would they even make it another week inside me I really didnt believe I was capable of bringing another life into this world. She dropped us back to my partners families house were we lived and my partner told his family they were happy for us his mother especially. We sat in our bedroom and I just cried on him for abit then he made a spliff and I had a few drags ( I know its bad but try not to judge me ) id read marijuana could help with sickness . Yeah anything to make it sound better. Fast forward a little bit to a week or so and I had a couple of appointments at the hospital due to what had happened before they wanted to double check me and see if I was okay. My manager was not at all happy about how many appointments I was having constantly making sly remarks and comments giving me the silent treatment telling me I was causing them to have to find cover. My initial thoughts whatever trevor I'm still here still working still trying my best your the least of my worries and just ignored them and looked forward to going to bed as the exhaustion was unreal Id never felt a tiredness like it honestly. Fatigue. Back at my partners house him and his mother had had a few disagreements lately and then one night it got really bad and a lot of harsh things were said and eventually she told him he had till the end of the week to get out. What ! I was shocked where was I gonna go ? All pregnant and shit clearly I had to go with him I hadnt left his side at the best of times never mind staying somewhere he'd been kicked out of. Weird shit I made the split second decision and told him lets leave now we grabbed a few bits we needed for the next couple days and left right there and then. Where we gonna go !? My partner asked I didnt even know I just knew I didnt wanna stay there any longer. I called my mom and briefly explained she didnt have a clue what I was talking about it was half eleven at night and everyone had work early in the morning she just said yes then we turned up at her house at midnight , a couple of lost puppies like hey. She just made sure we were okay we'd ate and we had somewhere to sleep with all her blankets and pillows. Fast forward a little bit I really wanted to move into our own place so I started saving over half my wages for the next two months and just stacking up buying things for the place we found , he was saving to , we'd saved more money then than in our whole lives , I mean it seemed real easy I wasnt buying bottles of alcohol all the time I wasnt buying cigarettes I wasnt buying weed no clothes cos I figured id just grow out of them soon anyway so my money was literally untouched so saving and buying household goods was all me for the next few weeks. I wasnt happy but I was at peace. We viewed a flat and I knew it was the one man I just didnt think we stood a chance as it was in a posh area and quite expensive and we were not posh and you know how landlords would stereotype a young black couple so I really began to give up hope of finding somewhere. But then they called and told us the place was all ours and we could come and collect the keys in two weeks I was so happy we were happy, it felt like things were finally gonna go right. The day before I was due to move in my manager dismissed me unfairly due to pregnancy discrimination. It didn't come as much of a shock because of all the shit id put up with them since telling them I was pregnant, but I couldnt believe people could actually do this stuff to people. It was disgusting I was so mad and now breaking down because I didnt even know if id be able to afford to live in our beautiful new home. All the stuff we'd brought and I didnt wanna be a young mom living in at my mothers house it was all just to much once again I manned up and realised I had alot of savings and still had another wage to come my way and some unpaid holiday so I was going to be okay until that ran out. Of course my partner works hard and he could pay everything but that is not something I wanted either so I made sure to even out my savings to last until the summer by then id be receiving maternity pay anyway. I was terrified for the 12 week scan as alot of pregnancies dont make it to the 2nd trimester all I could think about was what I had lost before I just couldn't accept anything good would happen for me so once again sick and nervous I went to my next scan and there it was again a beautiful little heartbeat , so strong and the way they were wiggling about in me on the scan I still just could not believe it more scan photos were given and I left feeling abit happier once again still filled with terror and worry. I began to wonder whether or not id ever be able to enjoy been pregnant and if it was even worth it worth putting on the fake smiles every day worth looking at my changing body going from been super underweight hardly , controlled eating basically not eating at all - when I was sad cos It was the only thing I felt I had control over , to having no choice but to eat constantly all the time even through all the horrible morning sickness that FYI doesnt just fucking occur in the mornings. Ugh. Whatever. I have no choice for me pregnancy felt horrible its a really weird experience I didn't understand how women skipped about with their big bellies all happy and excited cos I was not happy or excited I loved my baby of course but It filled me with dread to think I could be growing them but never get to meet them again I just was not prepared for this at all and Im twenty years old. Isnt that old enough? Hell no. But theres nothing I can do. Fast forward 16 weeks pregnant and received news you can pay for a private scan to reveal the gender. So basically to put it blunt I thought everytime I had another scan I wouldnt see the babies heartbeat sounds paranoid and ridiculous and surely after three scans id calm down . Nope it got worse for me. So of course I wanted to find out the gender but for me it was just another way to see if the baby was still alive in me. The day of my gender scan I actually had an appointment with the midwife to listen to the heartbeat. So i went into that terrified as well my midwife knew how scared I was and dealt with me really nicely she eased me into it and then I heard my beautiful baby's heartbeat for the first time. Oh my God it was shocking I felt breathless I was listening to my baby's heartbeat. (Ive just noticed excuse my poor grammar throughout I never liked school lol) but that heartbeat the most special thing to me its all I could think about. Then in the evening when it came to my private scan I was still terrified at finding their heartbeat even though id heard it literally a few hours before! It was then that I realised I actually had a real problem. But whatever suppressed that again and readied myself for what they were saying in the scan. So I brought along my sister my dad my mom my partner and my bestfriend as you were paying you could have five people in the room lol. This if your highly nervous I wouldnt recommend they were all so excited and happy I just couldnt figure out how they were so excited and happy whilst I was miserable and terrified. So on the scan table the cold jelly again and then the sonographer started to feel around I covered my eyes again of course like I did every scan then got the all clear that there was a heartbeat then started to watch it was beautiful I couldnt get over the fact a little human was inside my belly so weird so magical wow. The sonographer asked so do you want to know the sex my family were all like wooo yeahh I didnt say anything just half heartedly smiled all of a sudden then sonographer told me its a girl!!! Oh my God. I had a little girl growing inside me a mini me. I sobbed abit again. Unreal my very own little daughter. So overwhelming that I actually started to feel really upset thats another thing about been pregnant these raging hormones noone warns you about this stuff I swear. So we were having a little girl (something my partner had said all along) and I was still not happy. I started to feel really selfish and bad. I explained I felt lonely I dont know how when I wasn't alone but it was just not a great feeling at all I really needed help I started to act irrationally and like an emotional wreck I definitely needed to accept some help so a week or so later I spoke up and was referred to a mental health midwife. Which to me sounded dramatic as fuck. But cos id struggled with mental health before it was something they had recommended anyway but stubborn old me didn't take the help. But now it was official I was dealing with antenatal depression like a constant feeling of impending doom I just couldn't be happy ever again could I? At Least not until my daughter was in my arms. I dont do talking or taking sad pills I couldn't drink I couldn't get high or control my eating like before not to mention I couldnt just have the maddest sex session either as I was scared that would harm my baby to. Ugh. I couldn't do nothing man because I was pregnant so my stress went straight to my head all everyone kept saying was dont stress you'll stress out the baby. Like really thank fuck you just said that never thought of that before. I literally couldnt listen to people and their stupid comments I just tried to accept they were trying to help and whatever they were saying was in my best interest. Okay Now this is were my story so far gets real fucked up. Ive been trying to think how to word this since before even starting to write this. Writing it in my head over and over but this is were it gets really personal to me. We're almost up to the current point in my story so far to. So 19 weeks pregnant I am terrified (surprise) for my next scan next week, its the 20 week scan it looks at your baby and your inside properly in abit more detail and sees if things are forming the way they should with the baby and with the umbilical cord, the placenta, the sack of fluid baby is in just all sorts of things. So of course im fearing the worst noone gets why I always fear the worst but I did it before been pregnant anyway so now im pregnant it just made it that bit worse for me. Im showing now by the way got a right little belly going on lol my moms started with a baby box , little socks her first teddy , a couple outfits she even managed to convince me to buy my little girl something I brought her some girly dinosaur baby grows as Id never saw dinosaurs for girls before and I loved it. So this beautiful little baby girl box. I looked through now and again and I wouldnt say I got used to been pregnant but I started to feel her little movements her little swimming and butterfly movements in my tummy so as much as Id tried to stay detached incase of any loss I was attatched whether I liked it or not. My baby girl. I pictured what shed look like , where id take her , what me and my partner would be like with a baby and what a daddy he would be. Holidays with her and just the rest of my life with her. My saviour she'd even made me able to forgive my partner and to care a lot less about the silly little things in life when I think about it she's the only reason Id found a way to want to live again, like she'd given me a purpose like I didnt need to have my eating disorders anymore or get high or get drunk all I needed was to feel her move. I dreamed about kissing and feeling her skin for the first time, I just couldnt believe id been given the opportunity from God to bring one of his angels onto the earth. Had me really in my feelings and thats not me at all. Crazy shit. Anyway back to the scan. Im 21 weeks and 3 days now and its the day of my scan to see if everything's okay me and my partner are nervous of course but im with my mom and him again and there telling me everything's gonna be fine and I just need to chill out. So we get into the scan I cover my eyes once again and then the doctor tells me theres a heartbeat , a strong heartbeat. so I open my eyes and start to look his scanning all over explaining what he can see so far then he goes quiet and starts to scan the same place over and over again, her heart. So I just get a feeling somethings wrong. A single tear comes out my eye and I just lye on the bed waiting for him to say something to give me some information , finally he says im just going to get a second opinion. Thanks for all that info Dr fucking who. My mom and my partners faces they look so sad , so sad for me for them for us all man we dont understand whats going on were just waiting for them to say something more. Two doctors come in the room and scan her heart again shes wriggling all over the place at this point sucking her thumb , waving her arms. I just cant look at the screen anymore I cant bring myself to look at her. The doctor says im so sorry but we suspect she has hypo plastic left heart syndrome, well fuck me. From when he said im so sorry I just couldnt breathe again I didnt even know what the fuck he meant but im scared and im upset and im desperate. My partner looks so sad to. I just feel so bad I just want to apoligize to everyone I just dont understand why I cant do this one thing a women's supposed to do. So the doctor gives us some notes and refers us to a fetal medicine scanner to confirm the diagnosis. Basically the left side of her heart hadn't formed properly he told us what to look at online and what to read etc. I just couldnt believe it. I felt like a fool for ever believing something good could happen for me for us. So we left thinking we had nothing left. I had already started grieving and she wasnt even gone! I was grieving like she was though I just lost all hope. Reading up on the syndrome it means she will need open heart surgery at just a few hours old, then another open heart surgery at around 7 months if she was even to make it through the first op. Then another open heart surgery at 2/3 years old. Then eventually a heart transplant as her heart will never work like a normal heart and it can never be fixed. Well ill be damned. I spent the next few days until the fetal medicine scan breaking down in the shower and staying in bed anything I was doing included bed I didnt wanna leave bed I didnt wanna talk to anyone I was defeated. I couldn't bring myself to go into the room with that damn baby box. Fetal medicine scan day. Which are more skilled doctors sonographers that specify in looking at problems and confirming them. By this point id given up been scared before the scan as I was scared everyday. Waking up was like hearing the diagnosis all over again because as soon as I opened my eyes I would remember. So the doctors scanned and it was confirmed hypoplastic left heart syndrome my poor baby girl thinking of everything shes gonna have to deal with. How long would I know her? If I got to know her at all would she even survive the first op? Second? Third? What the fuck. Why me? Why me and my baby Im a good person Ive done a few bad things but ive dealt with more bad Jesus why me ? Did I really not deserve a break I just couldnt believe my luck. They offered me three options. Termination. Which I considered for a little while as I believed it would hurt less if I lost her now than loosing her when Id met her. Is it better to have loved and lost or to have lost and never loved? What kind of shitty statement is that I dont even know what to think anymore. I decide if shes still fighting then I have to fight with her I cant just give up hope for my baby girl. So cancel out that option. Next. They offer the three stages of the operations but thats not including any complications and operations to fix anything else that goes wrong oh and also my baby has to weigh over 5 pounds to be able to have these operations anyway and cant have any chromosomal issues such as down syndrome or Edwards syndrome then they really cant operate at all and nature just has to take its way. And the last option was compassionate care so when my baby's born they help us plan the funeral and give us extra support. To me all these options were fucked the fuck up and I just didnt want to have to choose any of them. We had like a week to make a decision until we met with the cardiologist who would explain my little girls problems in more depth as every baby is different of course and look in depth at her little heart. See if it was even possible to operate how much damage was actually done. Well fuck me. I seriously didnt even know this condition existed and neither did my family and friends. I couldn't help but just feel grief and defeat. But as long as my daughter kept fighting I knew that I was going to so we picked the second option deciding to go through with the operations if that was a possibility for her. Appointment over. I couldnt even bring myself to look at my stomach that night truth be told i couldn't even look at myself at all. I just felt like a failure If i couldn't do this what could I do? I thought about how my life will never be the same ever again as most babies take up to three months to leave the hospital if they even get to at all how much we'd have to be in the hospital for the rest of her life. Weve been dealt some real shit cards. Cant I just give her some of my heart? Cant my partner give some of his heart? We would give her anything she needed. Not possible. Ive tried to think of how to explain the next week to you guys but its impossible to put into words for me it felt like been in a box in the deepest point of the sea and seeing a random submarine in the distance but if you try to scream to get its attention you'd drown. Although that comparison is shitty because nothing could compare to the way I was feeling. Grief pure grief and heart break, I didnt know why God kept testing me but I also didnt want to question him. Cardiologist appointment arrived and in we went again to check over our baby. So her little heart is underdeveloped and the right side is doing everything for the left side. Everything else looks fine her growth is normal and her movements. The biggest problem though her heart. Now there are four severe things that could be wrong with her heart adding to her syndrome meaning she is unable to have the operation and she only had one of them. Her areola a small vaule to the heart was only 1mm big which will make it harder for the surgeons performing her operation. So it makes a high risk operation even more high risk. Then the cardiologist started coming at us with statistics and they sounded real shit , any hope I'd had left she knocked it the fuck out of me. Information overload I just couldnt believe what I was hearing still all I kept thinking about was how long we're going to know her for I mean we still dont know what were dealing with properly until shes here anyway all we know is she has a 25/75 chance of survival with the op . And a even lower chance without the op. So much to take in. We were told a charity named little hearts matter would get in touch with us and that we could go and visit parents or surviving babies after the op and then we would go and have a look at the children's hospital where our baby will be transported to straight after birth ( I wont even get to hold her until after the op ) blah blah blah just more words that hurt and I just wanted to get into bed. Left that appointment feeling worse than when we went in. I cried a hell of alot that night to in the shower were I felt I could just sit with the freezing cold water hitting me trying to wake me up out of this emotional daze I had dropped into. I went a walk and contemplated just jumping into the moving traffic so me and her could just be free together in a better place. No I refuse to sink. After that I realised most people my age could not put up with half the stuff I've been through hell people twice my age couldn't. I remembered I was super strong (more so than ever before) and that my daughter was just as strong as her mommy. The next day we spoke with the charity and now theres a lovely lady who calls me to see if were okay and how baby's doing. And I have more hope than ever I believe everything is going to be okay in the end and God only tests his strongest people. My baby girl is my will to live and she keeps me strong and she now kicks me real hard every single day her daddy feels and sees her kicks and so do my family and friends. She's so beautiful and strong im now 25 weeks and waiting on more scans I have to have one every two weeks and endless appointments monitoring her. Im a high risk pregnancy but I'm okay for the first time in a while and whenever I have a down day and cry a little my baby makes sure to kick me so I know she doesnt want her mommy to be sad. Dont get me wrong nothing is cured certainly my despair and broken heart for her broken heart, some days I feel like I can take on the world and anything it throws my way and other days I cant imagine loosing my little darling , it really hurts not knowing how long I may know her for. But I just have to accept life is an amazing gift no matter how short or long. And although I'm to young to be dealing with all this shit I'm making it my mission to deal with all of this shit just for my girl. And I hope to raise awareness on alot of issues raised in my post. Ill be writing more when the times right and thankyou for listening x https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1700345300267324&id=1696783053956882 https://www.betterhelp.com/start/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=mental+health+helpline_p&utm_content=41730113956&network=g&placement=&target=&matchtype=p&utm_campaign=384715930_mobile&ad_type=text&adposition=1t1&gclid=CK7R9-e03tMCFcy37QodO20LaA&gor=start-go&fv=d http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx https://www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/antenatal-depression http://mensadviceline.org.uk https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/helpline/ My story so far ! .. Stay tuned. #mentalhealth #awareness #littleheartsmatter #speak #useyourvoice #love #follow #strong #pleaseread #story