#i hate venting on tumblr but hey this blog only has like 2 followers who are both my mutuals so shrug emoji

[studying-space-of-annie]

I hate the people from my school so much.

[thatyanderecritic]

been reading a lot of yandere stuff and it feels like the targets of the yanderes' love are not allowed to feel anything besides fear or all-purpose kindness (or arousal in the dubcon/noncon works). ex: they can't feel frustrated enough at their situation to vent (without the yandere/world deciding to "punish" them violently for it). its pretty frustrating... yeah twisted love is cool, but why does it seem like a lot of yandere works lack the romance and are just rape/torture porn fantasies?

And I OOP.... You just spilled all the tea on this message box anon. 

Anyways, Kai here to answer to the call of rants! Cause this pathetic sack of flesh (That’s me, Kai!) just loves to bitch and moan about yandere stories :) So let’s ponder why this is the case...

All the blame falls onto the author. I mean, they’re the only person who’s writing these stories after all. It’s not like these characters are real, ya know? But why is it that authors just like to copy one another? Well, I have a bunch of theories but none of them particularly nice. But they’re the hard truths.

1. Authors who write yandere stories are simply unimaginative and they just copy their predecessors.

While writing is a passion, I know there’s a grind in wanting views and increasing in popularity. I can’t tell you the type of schemes Julie and I came up with to make this blog more popular on tumblr since the demographics here seem to want the yandere aesthetics or the dramatics. Sometimes, authors just like to chase those clicks and views. So the appeal to the majority and what is a safe to write is normally the go to. Since they see that other people who write ‘X’ about yanderes get to cum money, they don’t really have the incentive to think outside the box or explore an avenue they were interested in because other people might not want to explore that avenue with them.

Or they aren’t schemers (like Julie and I lol) and are simply that unimaginative. They see something they’re predecessors wrote and go, “I like that” then just copy it thinking they’re doing something original simply because they’re the one writing it now. Let me say this now before anyone mistaken me: there’s nothing wrong in writing an overdone trope or following a path of your favorite author/story. Tropes are fun and if you like a certain thing, that’s cool. There’s a reason why the liberal arts study previous works compared to, say... the sciences. You wouldn’t study a medieval medicine practice since it’s outdated. But you would study the Scarlet Letter to widen your horizon and develop your craft. And that’s the important key: “wide your horizon and develop your craft”. The problem with most writers is that they see a book and consider it the word of god. It is terrifying when I hear people say something like “I’m trying to copy Stephan King’s writing style”. Fucking yikes my dude! Besides the fact that Stephan King is generally a bad writer, you shouldn’t mimic a teacher but become your own person. Take a technique or two you like and blend it to your style. Don’t become a chameleon (unless you are going to parody/satire said author). If you’re going to do a trope, I say consider two things: 1) Are you planning to do anything with the trope? Are you going to push it forward or explore a facet that you don’t think others explored? and 2) If you don’t plan to push it forward and just do a gratuities writing of the trope, are you willing to accept that fact? Are you going to accept it and not cover your ass when someone comes around to point out  that it’s a copycat of another story (Ex. The Hunger Games Series and the Divergent Series)? Are you willing to stand up and say “Fuck yeah I was inspired by them and made my own version because I love the trope.” If you’re will to answer these two points confidently, then go for it. Cause the worst thing you can do with a trope is A) Not do anything with it and B) Lie to yourself that you’re doing something new.

This suddenly reminded me when I saw one of these writing blogs complaining about getting copy and paste writing requests. They were complaining about wanting to be original and not wanting to be a commodity. Well... first of all, if they don’t want to be a commodity then stop writing people’s requests, the fuck lol. Next it’s laughable that they think their original. Let’s ignore the fact of the complete irony that they think they’re writing something original when what they’re writing is a plot given to them by a stranger and also that they’re a fandom writer (oops, spilled the tea again). There’s really nothing “original” anymore since we can point out a specific trope and trace it back to an ancient text that done the exact same thing. What is “original” is the blending of tropes, the reactions of tropes, and the element that authors put in their writing to give it life. Cause at the end of the day, if you entertained an audience, then you won.   

2. Authors who write yandere stories secretly hate yanderes.

Okay, so this is a theory that Julie came up with and I probably won’t have a lot to write on it compared to the first point. Anyways, the theory is that some of these authors who write yandere stories just hate yanderes. I mean, look at half the shit that are yandere stories. Straight up torture, clickbait yanderes, and scumbags. This is what people imagined a yandere would be. You can at least tell the difference between someone who liked yanderes or hate them. For example, when yandere’s has a “gentle moment”. If it’s genuinely sweet and soft, then that person probably likes yanderes. If not, then that person probably doesn’t and can’t get their head out of “I hate yanderes” mode. We can also look to the first point about scheming and getting them views for tossing in a yandere. Just like the otome game community, even if the product is shit, we’ll still eat it up because it’s a product for a community that doesn’t get a lot of products of their bias. 

3. Authors who write yandere stories are simply bad at writing romance.

Again, probably not a lot to write on this point since I spent it all on the first point. Anyways, as this point state, sometimes authors are simply bad at writing romance or not interested in romance. It just happens, you know? An author will bite off more than they can chew and end up making a mediocre story. And that, combined with point one and maybe point two, then of course no one can make an actually good yandere romance story since they can’t get out of their head of “Romancing a scumbag”. Also, sometimes people read a story thinking it’s a romance story when really, it isn’t. It happens and we can’t fault the author too much since they either need more practice or it’s our fault for assuming it’s a romance to begin with. Also, can I complain about all these people who tag some stories as a romance when it’s clearly not? Now they’re the real villains here. 

4. Specific authors who write yandere stories have a fetish for rape/torture porn.

Okay okay. I get it, some people got their fetishes and coping mechanisms. Put down your pitch forks. What I’m annoyed about are people who don’t acknowledge their fetish or at least state it at the beginning of their stories. Come on, don’t be those tagging jackasses who incorrectly tag their shit. Not everyone likes your fetish. You stay in your clearly defined lane and I stay in my clearly defined lane. Cool? Cool. Well, on this website. People are pretty good at their tagging and warnings. The problem are the jackasses outside of this hell site. If tumblr is hell, the rest of the internet is the void.

Well, tbh, this point isn’t too bad. People do what people do and I can’t complain too much. And hey! I would rather read these rape/torture porn stories versus the copy cat stories. At least we get porn and the possible reward of being able to jack off to it. It’s just that nine times out of ten, the “yandere” isn’t a yandere. What a surprise. 

Anyways, I hope writing this post help vent out your frustrations anon. 

Julie: Just edited Kai’s rant here. She’s really spilling all the tea 🍵.

[sasslightertm-a]

ooookay, so, some bullshit™ happened earlier this past week and I’m annoyed and pissed. incoming rant/vent under the cut (with screenshots used by permission).

As most of you who have been following me long enough probably know by now, there is a Charmed Discord server and I was in it for a while until I left in early January 2019, for reasons that will be discussed later. The main mod runs a few Charmed rp blogs here on Tumblr, we did have a few threads planned out together, and eventually after I left the Discord server it got to a point where I felt uncomfortable seeing her posts on my dash so I quietly unfollowed and deleted our thread I’d had in my drafts (which had been sitting there for months by this point anyway because I am slow af). Shortly after I unfollwed her, she unfollowed me without so much a message of “Would you be interested in continuing any threads?”.

This mod, while I was in the server, also created a venting/ranting group Google doc against another Charmed roleplayer who has been around for years and had been in the server as well but also left for much the same reasons I later did (namely, feeling unwelcome within the server). (The Google doc has since been deleted, I believe.)

Which brings me to the main point of this post. One of my close friends/mutuals noticed this mod and the roleplayer starting to interact again when both of them had unfollowed each other for months beforehand after the mod decided this roleplayer was Toxic™.

Uh-huh, sure, I find it very hard to believe you told her about the call-out Google doc and everything in it and she was perfectly understanding about it. I also have yet to hear an apology at all from this mun when 1) the most we would do is talk OOC anyway; 2) my Chris and Bilie were constantly ignored despite me showing interest in some of her wishlist ideas; and 3) any threads we did have would only get two replies in if I was lucky and were then dropped. So I unfollowed ages ago and moved on with other mutuals, and at this point it’s honestly not worth it.

And no, sorry, the server was not inactive when I left it back in early/mid January. Everyone was either in the general, headcanons, or venting channels And yes, any time anyone responded to me it was because I or my friend had said something they wanted to argue with or turn into a headcanon about their own next-generation muses. Also? For all y’all would squee over white US-American YouTuber cover artists or Korean boybands (despite none of you speaking a word of Korean), or the mod occasionally slipping into Arabic and then translating when one of us would ‘???’, the instant I try and share a cover by an amazing Turkish musical-theater singer who speaks German and does German-language musicals (said cover was in English, by the way), or the instant I would talk about something I learned in one of my German classes (despite most of my ancestry being, y’know, German [and for the record, said German ancestors came over to the States in the 1800s, so don’t even go there])... dead silence. 

1) oh my gods I’m howling. Thanks for admitting most of the people in the server hate me just because they found my fanfiction and that I like to write dark-themed fics and smut. Out of curiosity, was it one of my FF.net accounts (my main, my Charmed-fic-centric one, or my dark!AU Tenth Doctor-fic-centric one) or was it my AO3? (Also way to go for basically admitting that yup, you’re all a bunch of antis and really be drinking the evangelical fundamentalist Christian purity culture Kool-Aid.)

and btw, saying “complete transparency?” like that is just code for “I’m about to be a petty bitch and you’re not going to want to hear it, but too late.”

also, what, like none of you have ever wanted to write kinky smutty fanfic just because it’s fun and lets you work out various fantasies that may or may not be inherently transgressive? as far as I’m aware I was one of maybe two other people in that server who identify as asexual so don’t even try and say any of youse are sex-repulsed aces.

my smutfic isn’t even that kinky, but go off, I guess

tbh they also probably hate me bc I called them out over their misuse of the word “pedophilia” in regards to this one particular scene in a teen drama TV show between fictional teenage characters being portrayed by adult actors that airs on a network aiming for a 18 to 49-year-old demographic, and the mod and I would disagree over various things concerning US-American Wicca, but hey, it’s easier to just go after my fanfiction and say they hate me because of the fanfics, right?

speaking of that scene they were so up-in-arms about, don’t even try and tell me real-life allosexual teenagers are not horny and don’t have sex with other teenagers, because coming from a state with one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy (where more often than not both would-be parents are teenagers of or around the same age), I will not believe you

like, seriously, do NONE of you remember ever being horny and hormonal as a teenager, or...? 

2) Stop trying to make this an argument that needs to be won, because it isn’t. Also? By the time I left the Charmed Discord server didn’t even feel like a Charmed server anyway, so. There’s that.

3) My friend is right and she should say it.

A few things here: 

How does any of that sound accusatory when it’s true and my friend calmly laying out how she felt about the situation??

Again, stop trying to make this into an argument or personal attack because it isn’t. And not every single conversation is a debate that needs to be won.

“I was half joking”, uh-huh, yeah, riiiiight. Also? How is it any of your business how she decides to run her blog and curtail it so she feels safe on her own dash??? Especially when you don’t even follow or interact with her anymore?? Hell, I softblock people myself who are either inactive and just taking up my follower account, or are personal/fandom blogs who I just don’t want interacting with me. And if you follow me but don’t make any motion to interact, then yeah I’m probably going to softblock you too after posting a heads-up that I’ll be cleaning out my follower count.

And the best part??? Immediately after all this the mod/mun made a post on her blog saying how she doesn’t put up with passive-aggressiveness or manipulation. How the fuck is my friend/mutual being passive-aggressive or manipulative???? 

I’m sorry, but no, you do not get to do that. I see what you did there, and it is not okay. And I am glad I don’t have to deal with any of this mun’s bullshit anymore, or most of the people in the server, apparently. They blocked me solely because they found my kinky darkfic? Fine, great, it’s not like any of them ever interacted with any of my muses anyway and I don’t want to deal with them either. (But also... I made it clear on the server that I also write a dark eldritch!AU Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who and they all knew I have a sideblog for the canon evil version of Chris Halliwell so how exactly was it a surprise that I like writing fanfiction with darker themes and grey areas?)

Anyway, no, that language used on my friend was not called for at all. Neither was trying to make her out to be the aggressor when anyone who’s chatted with her OOC for long enough knows that even doing this much is hard emotionally for her. This was also not an argument that absolutely had to be won so quit trying to turn everything into an argument to make yourself look better. And ooh, boy, tone policing on top of that. That last response was classic “I know you’re right but I don’t want to admit it so I’m just gonna say something to make myself look like I came out on top.”

Nah. 

There’s the door. Make sure it hits you on the way out.

[dr-gloom]

Kintsukuroi

A continuation of Fall Apart, loooong overdue! Thank you everyone for being patient with me while I worked up the focus and motivation to write this. I hope you like it as much as I! <3

Fandom: Sander’s Sides

Pairing: none

Words: 1,207

Summary: Virgil is trying to recover from his soul-shattering breakup with Roman, reminded that the world won’t stop for his depression. He learns to pick himself back up and gains a nugget of wisdom from an unlikely source. 

Tags/Warnings: depression, Human AU, recovery, basically vent-fic-part-2

A/N: so yeah, just like Fall Apart, this is based heavily on real life. The only real difference is that I never met a Patton. 

Read it on AO3

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@hungry-red-panda @neonb-fly @chemically-imbalanced-romance @unbefuckinglieveable @punsterterry

To say that things got better would be a complete fucking lie.

In the remainder of his shitty summer vacation, Virgil only really left his bed to use the bathroom or eat when the hunger became unbearable. He slept a majority of the time, turning his back on the sunlight shining through his blinds in a mocking reminder that just because his world was falling apart, that didn’t mean the real world was. He was numb. And when he wasn’t numb he was heartbroken, or angry. He had no one to talk to about it because Logan wasn’t the most empathetic person out there and Roman still had him blocked.

Roman.

Virgil couldn’t stop asking himself what he’d done wrong. How had he screwed this up? He thought they were doing great, he thought Roman loved him. What was he talking about in that last message?

He wished he could just ask.

When he felt up to it, he brought up Tumblr on his phone to scroll through it and distract his mind. That became rather hard when half the posts were about people venting their problems and talking about how depressed they were, though. He remembered back when he was new to Tumblr and had just followed all of these blogs, how happy and dumb and funny everyone was. Now they all just logged on to use Tumblr as a personal diary.

He deleted his blog the next day.

Eventually he has to force himself out of bed to go to his fall classes. No matter how low he’s feeling or how much he hates himself he’s always been a good student, and it wouldn’t stop just because he was alonealonealone a little depressed. His classes gave him plenty to focus on to distract himself, making his mind numb, empty of free thought and only capable of answering homework questions or performing basic tasks like showering and eating.

Logan still messaged him at least once a week to ask how he was doing, if he wanted to hang out, or just to make sure Virgil was still alive. Virgil hardly ever responded, and when he did it was short one- or two-word answers. He didn’t want to talk to Logan. He didn’t want to talk about what happened and how he was doing and how his thoughts were cognitive distortions. He knew Logan meant well, but he just… He didn’t think he could deal with that right now, so he was all but avoiding the other, claiming to be swamped with school.

It wasn’t a total lie; this was his last semester before fieldwork, so he’d needed to shove as many classes into these sixteen weeks as possible. Eighteen units, the absolute max they would allow, and even though that usually meant homework all day every day, he still found himself with some free time. God, he was so bored.

So he made a new Tumblr.

He felt bad abandoning the friends he’d made on his old Tumblr, but he wasn’t interested in the same things anymore and they were all so depressed and…. He just. Didn’t need that.

He spent an obsessively-long time trying to think of a new URL. For some reason, he found himself cycling through the nicknames Roman had given him over the months.

doom-and-gloom? Nope, taken.

dark-stormy-knight? Nah. Damn.

surley-temple? Taken.

jack-smellington? Taken.

Taken.

Taken.

Taken.

Taken.

God dammit.

Virgil groaned, rubbing his forehead tiredly. Without thinking too much of it - it was probably taken - he types in ‘dr-gloom’.

Not taken.

He grins for the first time in weeks as he finishes going through the mandatory bullshit to set up his blog and find people to follow. Sure, he looks up some of the people he used to follow and follows them on this new blog, but he doesn’t tell them who he is.

This is a new beginning, after all.

He’s already decided that this blog will be more positive. He’ll be the positivity he wanted when he was hurting. It’s… out of character for him, but that doesn’t mean it can’t become a part of him. By being others’ positivity, he can be his own too.

As he finds more people to follow and his dash is filled with posts, something inside him - a gut instinct he’s learned not to ignore - tells him to message people. Not everyone; specific URLs stick out to him and he can’t help but feel like maybe the universe is telling him who needs his help. It’s stupid, and maybe a little egotistical, but after he sends the messages he feels…. Good. He sends good morning and good night messages to ten strangers-turned-family every day, regardless of how he feels inside, and little by little he finds that he’s not as depressed as he used to be. His daily ritual actually picks up his mood as he reads the responses from people and talks to them through PMs.

He does this for nearly two months before someone randomly messages him one day. The URL reads ‘pattoncakes94’, the icon most likely a selfie of possibly the cutest, bubbliest person Virgil has ever seen.

pattoncakes94 hey! just wanted to come say hi! i love those messages you send to people, it’s a great idea!

He takes entirely too long trying to come up with something to say that doesn’t sound too cheery, hyper, or creepy.

dr-gloom uh thanks

He face-palms. He sounds like a jackass!

pattoncakes94 oh! sorry, i should probably introduce myself, huh? im patton (he/him/his)! im 24, i looooove cats and puns and cookies and sweaters, and im a taurus!

Virgil snorts. Oh my god, this guy’s a dork.

dr-gloom thats cool uh im virgil 20 he/him/his i like music, nightmare before christmas, and deathnote and im a leo i think i dont really do the astrology thing

pattoncakes94 oh, thats okay! its just kinda fun, i dont actually believe in those daily astrology things what kinda music do you like?

The next few hours go like this, with the two men chatting about anything and everything. Virgil didn’t even know how two people could talk this long without the conversation feeling strained or boring. He hated small talk, but for some reason he found himself enjoying talking to Patton. The conversation flows seamlessly, Patton filling any possible pauses or lulls with his own little anecdotes or questions.

Over the next few weeks, whenever he’s in a bad mind space Virgil messages Patton. Patton never asks what’s bothering him or pressures him into opening up. Instead, he willingly provides a distraction and chats with Virgil until he’s laughing in the comfort of his room, heart light and mind clear. His favorite conversations were the ones that were the most random, but led to Virgil learning something new.

pattoncakes94 hey, you ever heard of kintsugi? also known as kintsukuroi

dr-gloom no…? what is it

pattoncakes94 it’s this japanese thing, it’s so cool! basically they take broken pottery and fix it with gold, silver, or platinum instead of throwing it out!

dr-gloom why? sounds like a waste of time

pattoncakes94 because they saw the beauty in those flaws in the cracks and breaks because just like people, it’s the blemishes that make them beautiful

[janiedean]

Dude you need to stop. OP hadn't even been aggressive, they just made a random statement on their own blog. It's a personal space. Why do you all have to feel personally offended when 1) it was ONE POST on someone's personal blog, and 2) you're the first whining about how everyone is always offended at nothing! How insensitive. Maybe they were being dramatic, but then what? Show a little compassion, if it bothers you so much just fucking ignore it and move on, jesus. Are you 12?

Also seriously, you're constantly whining about how fed up you are about wank and "Discourse™" in your fandoms, but then you're also continuously participating in said wank by upping it up and up. Ever heard it takes two to tango? Kettle, meet pot?

my dearest darling anon, wow, you really got irked over a post that has..... 50k notes and it’s not such a personal thing anymore at that point. I mean. 50k notes. it’s not just PERSONAL. but however, let’s go over this.

a) it’s my blog. I reblog what I want. If anything, assholes on tumblr who keep disguising their fairly immature rants as *venting* should stop, not me. also, that post has 50k notes and out of the reblogs on the version I reblogged, I didn’t even say the worst thing. did you send this message also to the previous three people in my reblog? :’)

b) one post? that reblog was already two, and if you go on that person’s blog there’s another three reblogs of that same OP with additions which are all OMG STRAIGHT PEOPLE SUCK SO MUCH. lol. venting. with fifty thousand notes. it’s not venting anymore when a post is that viral and they posted it on a public website most likely fully knowing that it would go viral since tumblr dot com is basically ‘straight is an insult but it’s okay to say it because who cares straight people can just take it *SHRUG*’. 

c) HOW INSENSITIVE! MAYBE THEY WERE BEING DRAMATIC! SHOW A LITTLE COMPASSION! okay, you know what?

I’m now going to take OP and reword it with my favorite subject when it comes to show you how this line of thinking is hypocritical af. and at least it’s something I am and I can relate to so y’all can’t accuse me of appropriating someone’s struggles.

good? good!

now let’s imagine this was the op:

Being in a room with religious people talking about religious things is so exhausting.

at that, someone asks me:

What the hell are ‘religious things’?

and I reply:

sunday school and reciting prayers and going to mass and confession talk and discussing about how saudi arabia is actually a very pro-feminist country (spoilers: I heard that irl myself) without being made to feel like you are making people uncomfortable and hearing catholic people talk about how horrible it is for them to talk to atheists and christians in western countries talk about how they are such victims and their lives are shit when what this really means is they are never told that they don’t have morals because of course they believe in a deity and so they are and homophobic and racist crap that drives me crazy like how the only true family is man and woman  and how great religion (ps: this was in the OP so thanks for assuming that all straight assholes in the world are also religious but okay) is and how the world is so lovely and kind and great because people have god watching out for them and he will always be with them and how religious people are like “this person is so lovely” when you know they think you’ll go to hell for being anything other than their religion or listening to religious people say atheists are the worst or talk about people who don’t want to attend religious ceremonies (ie. people who don’t want to go to masses held for dead people) as being weird or rude because WHY WOULDN’T YOU GO, or asking “but have you ever read the bible?” judgmentally as if the moment you read that you suddenly hear jesus speaking to you or getting annoyed at you when you tell them about how not nice it is to be asked all the damned time if you’re gonna kill someone one day just because you’re atheist is because it’s easy for them cause they are religious and wouldn’t know the first thing about it or having to tell people you ‘really don’t practice’ to people all the time cause they just assume you’re catholic and you’ll be getting weird looks if you don’t like, and ‘wait but really??? HOW???’ or “but you look so nice it’d be a pity if you went to hell just because you refuse to believe in god” or “well as long as you keep it for yourself but DON’T TELL YOUR GRANDMOTHER!!!” or having to hear religious people talk about how great christmas is or about the amazing shit they read in church or about how all holy books are ABSOLUTELY NOT WRITTEN BY MEN AND THEREFORE NOT FALLIBLE and about all the amazing movies about jesus or just watching people live super conventional lives and do really sexist old fashioned things just because no one is brave enough to question or think about anything… and worst of all knowing that if you were to say or talk about anything atheist everyone would get uncomfortable and not join in on the conversation and wish you had said nothing… and then people will be like “you hardly said anything”, “you’re so quiet”, “you don’t talk much”, “are you shy”, “you’re boring”.

No bitch I’m atheist and I don’t relate to nor am I really interested in any of the shit that you have been yelling to my face for the last hour.

now, I’ll tell you what would happen: ANY DECENT RELIGIOUS PERSON I FOLLOW WOULD ASK ME WHAT THE FUCK I WAS SMOKING AND IF I REALLY THINK ALL RELIGIOUS PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT AND ALL RELIGIONS ARE LIKE THAT, AND EVERYONE WOULD ASSUME I WAS A PROPER FUCKING ASSHOLE BECAUSE I JUST GENERALIZED 70% OF THE PLANET IN A LONGWINDED RIDICULOUSLY EMBARRASSING RANT WHERE ON SOME THINGS I MIGHT BE RIGHT AND ON OTHERS I JUST SHOWED A HORRID AMOUNT OF IGNORANCE.

also, since atheists are all assholes, I’d just confirm their ideas that all atheists are assholes who think they’re so much better than anyone else.

does that post look so harmless, put like this? would it look harmless, if the category mocked was anything but straight people? let me tell you: it wouldn’t. not on here, anyway. and now we get to the best part of this frankly ridiculous ask that you of course sent on anon because like hell you’d say that to my face, hm?

Show a little compassion, if it bothers you so much just fucking ignore it and move on, jesus. Are you 12?

no, I’m 29. and OP of that post, who definitely fucking sounds like he’s twelve, because I could have written the above post about how religion sucks when I was in my dawkins phase and I was THIRTEEN and like two years later I already learned to be a little less dramatic, is twenty-seven. out of someone who’s almost thirty, I’d expect some maturity.

but never mind that. the point is: actually, I did it. I ignored a fucking shitload of posts like this since the year of the lord 2013 when they started becoming a thing on tumblr. I ignored posts saying that ‘the only good use straight allies have is getting thrown off a cliff’, I ignored posts about how horrid cishets are, I ignored posts about cishets ‘are like omg they want a cookie for being nice to us that should be the basics’ as if in some places just being pro-lgbt can’t get you fired or put you against your family or get yourself in a hospital, but of course hey, we’re straight, we’re the majority, we inherently oppress anyone who’s not, who cares, amrite? I had to watch this website spiral into a mentality where straight is an insult, basically, and so hey we have a post laughing about straight girls’s tastes, straight girls being into ***ugly boys***, straight girls being brainwashed by the patriarchy because they actually like men when they could be lesbians and be so much better off in tumblr’s amazing pastel unicorns and rainbows lesbian aesthetic where no one feels sexual attraction and everything is platonic and we don’t talk about bills because how fucking boring. I ignored all of that shit for years because y’all were VENTING and you could only do it online so hey what’s the harm in it, and guess what, I’m done. It bothers me so much because it normalizes a mentality where it’s okay to insult people for things they can’t change about themselves rather than aim at, like, HOMOPHOBES. WHO ARE THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM. but nah, hey, I just have to scroll by the umpteenth post insulting straight people because they talk about things also lgbt people talk about APPARENTLY, because is2g I can assure you that in my fandom group of friends where *I* am camp straight 90% of the time and everyone else is not we actually fucking talk about mortgages and bills and how much renovating a house sucks and how it costs and how it doesn’t and about taxes and about how poor we’re going to be when we retire.

but apparently to OP all this kinda shit is just STRAIGHT TALKING. yeah, lol. anyway, this is kindergarten level attitude and people should have been told to can it years ago, and honestly given that ‘scroll by and ignore’ is an attitude I had for years to avoid conflict and it only caused me trouble, excuse me if I’m done helping feeding a mentality that’s completely fucking useless, because this line of thinking just alienates people. also wow now that I read this post I should feel bad for talking to my non-hetero friends about pretty much anything according to OP? some straight kid younger than me and more impressionable who might actually buy into this website’s bullshit reads this and what will they think? that every time they discuss anything with a gay friend nearby that person is seething inside and hating all of them? could happen. anyway, point is: that post is ridiculous, it has 50k notes and I’m 99% sure most of them actually agree with OP and I wasn’t taught to keep my mouth shut if I hear people saying dumbass things and everyone agrees. that’s not how you do activism. enabling this way of thinking is not helping anyone, least of all OP.

other than that: 

you're constantly whining about how fed up you are about wank and "Discourse™" in your fandoms, but then you're also continuously participating in said wank by upping it up and up

so excuse me, telling people who are actually fucking wrong and spew and enable actually dangerous concepts like idk the fact that people up until eighteen years old have the same decisional capacity as five year olds, that you cannot consent to sex if you aren’t eighteen and one hour old, that you can’t date someone older or younger than you even if you’re both of age because PEDOPHILIA and that consuming problematic fiction is wrong is UPPING THE WANK?

ANON, WHAT THE FUCK. so now if donald trump does ridiculous things and says dumb shit people who disagree should just shut up and let him work and ignore it when the things he does are dangerous? anti thinking is dangerous and keeping your mouth shut and going like ‘they’ll grow out of it’ is not going to work, it’s going to make the situation worse and it’s going to get people hurt.

telling people to FUCKING CAN IT and explaining them a few basic concepts about the difference between fiction and real life is not upping the fucking wank, and calling people out on fucking dumb opinions is not the same as enabling toxic ways of thinking. good lord, if someone irl tells me that interracial marriages are wrong and disgusting what should I do, shrug and let them think I agree or MAYBE EXPLAIN THEM THAT IT’S REALLY RETROGRADE TO THINK SUCH A THING?

I mean, do you need a power point to get the difference?

kettle meet pot like hell. I never started any wank, I never posted one thing purposefully offending an entire category of people just to VENT, none of my posts ever got more than 3k notes - honest I think I had ONE that got that much and it was convention pictures of SPN actors so sure as hell I’m not getting seen by 50k people so OP actually has more leverage than me in this discourse - and assuming I’m actually doing the same thing as OP when everything I’m doing is pointing out that it’s not a healthy way of thinking and that this fucking website is turning into a worse dumpster with every passing moment since at this point the fact that I was born being fine with my sexual characteristic and liking dick is apparently enough to decide that I inherently oppress minorities just by existing and it’s not a line of thinking that activists anywhere should support, is intellectually dishonest and frankly fucking laughable especially coming from someone who doesn’t even put their face to what they ask.

and anyway, OP is a grown ass man and can take care of themselves and of a few disagreeing opinions if he wants to be on a public website where his posts go viral.

and I have absolutely no obligation to keep my mouth shut about things that are imo very fucking dangerous slip-slopes.

there. and now, since I am not going to keep my mouth shut just to make you or OP feel better, you can click the unfollow button if you dislike my opinions that much or you can stick around and learn that sometimes being an adult is a thing that should happen, especially if you frame shit as activism.

anyway, I don’t even know who you are so it’s not like I’ll miss you personally. :’)

[lostqueenambrose]

(rant anon) I know getting noticed by Jack isnt why i should post art, and it isnt, it really isnt. But its just dishartening to see when my art im proud of gets like 1-2 notes, or maybe 20 if im really lucky. I'm really beging to think that no one likes my art, or cares, and if i left the fandom quietly no one would wait for the next piece of art, or chapter of my fic. Im sorry, I didn't want to dampen the mood, I just needed to vent. if you've got this far, thanks for listening i guess. (2/2)

Hey nonny, I get ya, you know? When I used to make edits or fics or theories, I barely got notes and I was sad about it, because I was seeing so many awesome edits of people getting reblogged by Jack that I felt jealous, I really did. I was jealous of Lumi and Kylo, because they did (and still do) so many awesome edits and got reblogged so many times by Jack, while I was standing there using PicsArt and PhotoFunia because these were the only apps I could use, and I barely got notes even if I put them in the tags. I hated myself because I felt jealous, and I thought that no one would care or miss me if I left the fandom.But people do care. I know it sucks that Seán reblogs almost always the same people, but that's because they're active when he is, they have bigger followings which means more notes faster, which in turn make their posts more popular, and we, small blogs, can't really do anything about it. He tries hard to diversify what he reblogs, and who it's from, but Tumblr is a trash website and app when it comes to the organisation, sadly, and he only has so much time to spend looking at the jse tag in a day.People appreciate your art, I'm certain of it, it's just that so many people at any given hour also put their posts in the tag, and sometimes your post gets drowned under all the others.Keep on working hard, and making art, it will pay off, I promise :)

[thisdiscontentedwinter]

(1/4) Hey! I just want to say i LOVE your fic and have follow your ao3 for sometimes but only remember that you have tumblr just now 😅 and i see a lot of your post talking about well.. posey/scott. And i actually share your opinion about it. It's been nagging on my mind since the first time i watch the show (and delving deeper into the fandom). First of all, i know sterek BEFORE i know the show. My first otp is destiel so i was curious about the 'rival' ship. Lmao. Anyway, i fell in love with

(2/4) stiles. He’s such a litlle shit, but he has a deep arc that made him real. Not just a comedic relief. And about derek, i don’t really like him in earlier episode, but i grew to love him as i got to know him. Scott tho.. i feel like he’s too main charactery? He was designed to be this samaritan, naive boy who sees black and white that just didn’t sit right with me. I mean.. the way he treated Derek in s2.. just no. And when i hear that he didn’t believe in stiles and not be there for

(¾) stiles when he need him? That’s just the last straw for me. After that i hear about Posey talking about bizarre-weird-twisted, and then it clicked for me. I know i can’t judge people that i don’t really know, but i just get this… perception from posey. That he’s a a bit.. self centered? He loves everything that’s related to him, but i always get this.. bitter aura about him that dylan and hoechlin stole his thunder. So far i never really voiced this because

(4/4) i’m scared that people will misunderstand this as racist or blind hate towards posey/scott. I’m sooo sorry i rambled this much. I just want to share my opinion and i feel like maybe you’ll understand 😅 anyway love your blog and your writing! Have a nice day 😄

Ha! I’d also never heard of Sterek until it was up against Destiel in some poll, and I thought “Hmm… what’s that about?” Then someone recommended some Sterek fics to me, and I was hooked. 

And obviously you’re not alone in liking Stiles more than Scott. Because Stiles is a little shit, and because he’s comic relief, and because the wise cracking sidekick has been the fan fave forever. Read Greek plays, and you’ll find him there as well, because someone has to accompany the hero on his journey and complain about the blisters. 

You’re also not alone in your perception of Posey. Like I’ve said, I don’t care about him enough to actively hate him or anything, but I just sort of shrug and move on. I liked Scott in the early episodes of the show. I liked him a lot! He screwed up, but he was cute and well-meaning, and doing his best, dammit. Whereas, six seasons in, I don’t like the way his character has developed, and if Scott stans really need to scream accusations of racism at me for that, well, that just shows how desperate they are. 

Feel free to ramble or vent here any time! 

[lwoorl]

Fanfic retrospective 2018

I have seen 2 people doing this and I thought, oh, why not?! So lets revisit all the fics submitted last year!

Online Hero Need Friends:

Summary: Izuku makes some online friends when he's in middleschool that he keeps when he becomes a pro hero. But he never told them he's The Deku.

Thoughts: This fic was kind of unexpected for me! In a lot of ways. I got inspiration for the idea from a post of Tumblr, but wasn't really going to do anything with it, and one night, suddenly, I just started to write it! I finished the first chapter around 3am on a work day and the response was… Unexpectedly amazing? I remember watching at my phone just seeing the numbers growing and growing, so many people just loved it!!! So I decided hey fuck it let's make it have multiple chapters so, I sort of did that. All chapters were written on moments between classes and it's amazing so many people liked this because it's mostly just a self indulgent piece of fluff with some ocs hanging out, a friend described it as “A long ass fic where nothing happens” (Which is super accurate) but I enjoyed making it and I loved creating the characters!!! I'm gonna finish it sometime in 2019. Sorry for everyone who's been waiting for the epilogue, but I promise this isn't abandoned!!!!

This is my most successful fic to the date which is honestly fucking weird. I'm serious guys, this is a story where NOTHING happens, just fluff with no substance and not even with characters you already know beforehand!! The hell is wrong with you?!

I don't believe you. You aren't like THAT:

Summary: Dick tells Damian he's gay. His brother doesn't take it well.

Thoughts: Ooof this fic. This was a vent fic. I made it after some stuff happened, mostly cause I relate super hard to Dick's relationship with Damian. Tbh this is just a self indulgent wish fulfilment piece of crap, but hey, that's what fics are for, aren't they?! It's actually super embarrassing to think this was my first DC fic, because, again, self indulgent trash. I'm honestly never ever ever gonna recommend anyone to read it, it's, well, embarrassing!!! I hope no one who knows me in real life ever touches it, they would immediately know which situation made me write it and I would just combust with embarrassment on the spot. Ugh. I've thought about orphaning it because, again, super personal and super embarrassing!!! But it's also kind of close to my heart? So I don't think I could just throw it away ever.

Night Habits:

Summary: Damian has a nightmare and goes to Dick's room to feel better. It's not the same as before. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: This is another fic that was surprisingly popular!! I was thinking of writing a talon!dick story for a while now, and one day I just sit and wrote this. Again, Dick and Damian's relationship is SO precious to me, so of fucking course I did it about that. To be honest I feel this story is lacking because it lacks any context whatsoever, it's a problem I've noticed with all that series, it's just cute or sad moments without much context. But then again, it's fanfiction, and I learned a while ago to stop worrying whether something I post is good or not. Personal enjoyment > Quality.

Grappling Hook:

Summary: Little Dick Grayson goes missing soon after he moved to the manor. Bruce finds him sleeping in the cave as a grappling hook. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Oh man. Listen, one day I just thought “Hey, I wanna see a soul eater AU of the batfam.” Then I looked and looked… And there wasn't any!! Can you believe it?! So I started to think of my own, not really knowing if it would be a comic or an ask blog or a fanfic. 

Soon it became more of a soul-eater-inspired thing than something actually related to soul eater, because honestly the only thing I really wanted was an au where everything was the same except people turned into objects. I shared the idea with a friend and we started to brainstorm worldbuilding and headcanons. One of those headcanons was that one day Dick just sorta disappeared and Bruce found him as an object sleeping somewhere. I'm not sure why I wrote this first? But I guess I had to start the series somehow and people liked it. So, yay.

Bo Staff:

Summary: Tim turns into an object for the first time. And then accidentally gets locked in a closet. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: My fingers puked this fic THE MOMENT I finished Grappling Hook. Listen, at that point I had been around 6 months without classes and bored out of my mind so, can you blame me? A ton of the following fics also happened DAYS after these, so, yeah, I guess I just really needed something to do, the following weeks were just insanely productive for me.

I like the contrast this fic creates with Dick's. Overall, I think it's ok. I'm not sure if I want to subscribe to the portrayal of Tim's parents here? I like the idea that they care but just are too absorbed on their work to actually notice the kid exists, but I think here they came off as downright hateful. Oh well, I can blame it to it being from Tim's POV I guess. Unreliable narrator and what not. I also think I didn't make it as angsty as I wanted it to be, but most people said it was still pretty sad, so, I guess that's ok.

How (not) to cope when your brother is turned into a zombie that might or might not still be him:

Summary: Tim realizes he's (just maybe) been fucking up a little bit. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: Oh, this thing. I liked how this thing turned out! I don't 100% like my portray of Talon!Dick on this series. I wanted to make it kind of like Rei in the evangelion movies after she becomes an empty doll, but, like, not so drastic? But idk man, I just have seen way more interesting portrayals of Talon!Dick before so maybe that's why I feel like it's lacking. 

I really enjoyed writing this one fic tho, there are some scenes I really enjoyed writing in here, like when Tim got kicked out of his team for an university project hahaha. Also this was my first time writing a nightmare and it made me realize my deep love for writing dream sequences. Since then I'm trying to restrain myself from adding a dream to every single one of my stories, since I feel it's more powerful with moderation, but believe me when I say the tentation is there…. Hm. Maybe I could write something that's nothing but compilations of characters dreams???? Sure would be a cool character exploration exercise. Hm. Hmmmmmm… I might just have had an idea….

Training:

Summary: Jason asks Dick to help him training on being a shifter. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This was a fun thing to write!!! I wasn't sure about writing young Jason, but it turned out alright, and overall I just had fun making this!!! I think I portrayed Dick and Jason's relationship well enough, maybe a bit more friendly than they were at the time, but fuck it, I liked this story.

Changzhou Comb:

Summary: Cassandra has a hard time forgetting old habits. (Shifters AU series) 

Thoughts: Oh man. This thing. This thing. Listen I didn't know Cass that well before writing this, I knew some about her and her backstory, but I wasn't really that interested in the character. However, I got this thing that makes me want to portray characters that aren't mine really well, so, naturally, I read every single one of her issues as Batgirl as preparation. Twice.

And. I. Loved it. I loved it so much!!! I loved her so SO much!!! She was such an amazing, endearing, interesting character!!!! Then I finally sit down, and started the story. And let me tell you I was SUPER worried this would turn out mediocre, I wanted to portray the character well but didn't think I could. But then, then something, I don't know what, but something possessed me and I just… Began writing. And it turned out amazing. This is one of my best fics to date. I'm super proud of this one and it's a shame it's the least popular story of this series.

Grandfather's Collection:

Summary: A funny cute little story from Damian's childhood: The first time he pets a cat! (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This fic was fun to write! It allowed me to show some stuff I wanted to show and it's always a treat to use an unreliable narrator. Also Damian as a tiny little kid excited because of a cat is a treasure. I guess I wish this had been a bit creepier??? But then again, it's hard to make anything truly creepy when your narrator is a tiny kid who's having the best day of his life.

Revolver:

Summary: Some time after coming back to life Jason discovers something's changed. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: I got conflicted feelings about this one. On one hand, I like how the narrator for Jason turned out, and I think the story is fine, it just feels… Idk, contrived? It does depart from canon by a lot (I'm sorry but I just love aus where Jason stays with Talia and Rah's for some time) and I worry Rah's motivations come off as, you know, kinda shallow??? He feels like a Disney villain. And I honestly like writing him like a Disney villain???? I know he's complex in canon and stuff but… Idk, I kind of really enjoy writing him as the embodiment of evil who can decide if you live or die in a whim, so I will probably keep writing him like that, even if it's ooc.

Engraving:

Summary: Tim asks Jason if he knows a good tattoo parlor. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This one was fun!!! This was a bit of worldbuilding I wanted to show since I first invented this AU, and I think it turned out alright. I'm satisfied with Jason and Tim's interactions. I think including the conversations with Kon and Bart at the end was kind of forced maybe??? But fuck it!! It's fic!!! Personal enjoyment > Quality!

Sleepover:

Summary: Damian has a nightmare. Set during Dick's time as Batman. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Hellooo again my love for writing weird ass dreams!! This fic was fun, and I like how it ended. From Damian's nightmare to Dick comforting him, it was nice. Just, a nice fic overall. I don’t have much else to add, just. I liked it, I had fun. I really like this one.

Tantrum:

Summary: Jason refuses to shift back, Bruce is out of his depth. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Honestly this is bad. Just, a bad fic. I really wanted to write something with this general plot, but I don't know if I just wasn't inspired or what but at some point I just went “Ya know what, fuck it.” And rushed it, just, getting out of the way the list of things I wanted to include. Which is a shame cause the basic premise was good!!! I think I might rewrite it someday, I would like to actually write something good out of that plot. Hm.

Let's dance in my borrowed shoes tonight:

Summary: Dick is missing. Someone has to cover for him. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: Another Cass fic, another idea I wasn't sure I could live up to, another amazing fic that turned out better than expected. I don't know why but Cass just awakens some poetic part of me I guess. It's funny, the more I write her, the more she starts to turn into my favorite character.

I like this one, a lot. Cass as Nightwing is super super cool, and I like how awkward and insecure she is with the whole thing. I really liked the whole watercolor thing too. I was practicing how to use watercolors around the time I wrote this, so you can bet that line came directly from that. I liked to describe the city as painting, I think it suits it. I just. Liked that part a lot.

Also you get a random girl trying to kiss Cass, so what’s not to love?!

Hight morning last minute visit:

Summary: Jason visits someone he hasn't seen in a while. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: I had this idea for a while now, almost since the beginning of the series, a friend gave it to me and I wanted to write it but I wasn't sure how. I think this turned out alright, I liked my portrayal of Talon!Dick in this one for a change, and I really really liked adding that part where Jason admits he didn't actually kill anyone and tells the story of the kid.

Also, I had this idea for the happy birthday, and I even told my friend “I'm gonna end it in happy birthday Dick and it's gonna be super sad” and she was like “uhhh… Ok?” And I made sure the last line was a gut punch, and based on the reaction of everyone in the comments I succeeded!!!! It was important for me that the last line turned up the sad a lot, it was the whole point of the fic, so I'm glad I could make it work!!!!!

And by the way, the title isn’t a typo. I know how to write “high”. 

Training II: Teacher's teacher

Summary: Someone had to teach Dick how to be good at shifting before he was actually good at it. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Oh man, this whole thing was basically just an info dump disguised as fluff. I needed to add some worldbuilding before moving to some stuff in this series so I used this to get it out of the way, I really hope it wasn't too confusing!!!

In general I liked this fic, I had a ton of fun writing it! I had this idea of Lois being an absolute beast in this AU and I'm happy I could finally show it off, even if I kind of feel she's a tiny itty bit out of character.

Also, there are tons of fics exploring Dick's relationship with Clark, but not so much with Lois. I wanted to make them closer in this AU than in canon and I like how their relationship was portrayed here…. Lois is just a ton of fun.

I also really like how when Lois talks about being a shifter her speech is exactly the opposite of what Dick tells Jason, just a fun detail that shows everything the characters say is just their perspective and everyone got a different opinion on how they see being a shifter, no one’s 100% right.

This was the last fic of 2018 and you got no fucking idea how hard it was to have it ready in time. I almost didn't include the last part because of lack of time, but!! At the end I was able to add everything I wanted to!!! And publish it in time!!!

Special fic

Syntax error.

Listen. Listen. This. This is a special one, that's why I'm talking about this apart from the others. Why is this fic a special one you ask? Oh, I don't know, maybe because I've bEEN WORKING AROUND EIGHT MONTHS ON THIS SHIT BEFORE EVEN PUBLISHING IT?!

Listen. Just. Just listen. I spent way too much time just plotting this story. Way too long. I spent hours just ranting about this to my friends. I made a fucking playlist for this thing. I spent days just figuring out what the chapters will be named. I spent HOURS. DAYS. Researching each character to write them properly, there are chapters I've written like four times for this shit.

Now, is this perfect? Hell no. Specially the first chapters are unpolished as hell and you know you're gonna find typos because I always miss at least one. But as far as I'm concerned this is the only thing I'm actually putting effort into. All the other fics? All the other fics and series I've talked about? Those are just projects to pass the time. Stuff I do when I'm bored. I love them, sure, but it's not like it took more than three hours to write any of them. They're fun stuff, they're entertainment, they're something to pass the time. I will write them between classes or when I'm bored and open drive in my phone and write them without much planning or care. They're just that. Fun

But this thing? This thing right here? Syntax error? That's my baby. That's my goddamn main project. This thing right here already stole hours of my goddamn life and it will only keep stealing more. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I honestly don't give a fuck how many people read this one, I'm past the point of caring. I have and will keep pouring tears, sweat and blood into this shit. This is something I actually care about. This. This is such a personal project guys…. I…. Love… This one…

So that's the retrospective of fics published on 2018!!!!

Man, that was fun, let's just hope 2019 is also a fun, productive year!!!!!

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

I know this blog talks a lot about dealing with intolerance from family/friends who are anti-LGBT+, but how do you talk to other LGBT people who are against the teachings of Christianity?

Hey there! This is a really good question, and I’m glad you asked it because I’ve been meaning to address this for a while.

To start with, I think few people in general are against the “teachings” of Christianity – the teachings of Christianity are things like service, love, and reconciling relationships, after all. Rather, non-Christian LGBT+ people are sometimes wary of or against Christians or the Church, as many Christians are in places of power that oppress LGBT+ people. So I’ll respond to this ask with that in mind instead.

Below, I trace out some suggestions for dialogue with non-Christian LGBT+ people about Christianity. 

1. Assess your own capabilities for dialogue. 

Since this tends to be an intense topic and can get very personal, it’s wise to enter this kind of dialogue with a good idea of how much mental, emotional, and spiritual energy you have for the conversation.

Talking about why you are Christian as an LGBT+ person, with LGBT+ people who have a problem with Christianity, can be emotionally exhausting and spiritually challenging. Think about whether you are in a place where you can deal with their questions and emotions without becoming too upset. It is important in these dialogues to keep calm and kind – not to respond to their anger with your own anger. Think also about whether you are spiritually ready to grapple with this difficult topic – it’s okay not to be ready.

You are not obligated to have these conversations! If a person tries to get you to explain yourself and you don’t feel you can, simply say so: “I respect how you feel, but I’m afraid I am not in a place where I can have this conversation with you. Do you mind if we talk about something else?” 

Another option: “I would like to have this talk with you, but I need to take care of myself too. Are you able to talk about this without directing your anger towards me specifically?” 

If they have a tumblr, you can even direct them to our blog; we are always happy to answer respectful questions. 

Be ready to back out of the conversation if it gets too much for you – it’s not “losing” to say you need to stop talking.

2. Approach them from a place of understanding. 

The most important thing to me when encountering other LGBT+ people who are against Christianity is to enter the discussion from a place of understanding. LGBT+ people have plenty of reasons to be wary of Christianity. Despite being a faith meant to worship a God who constantly aligns Themself with the oppressed and exploited, Christianity has all too often been taken and misused by oppressors to legitimize prejudice and injustice.

Here is the way I see a part of the issue: Christianity is so tangled up in certain “Western” ideologies that it is hard to pull them apart. To me, Christianity is not inherently homophobic/transphobic/etc. – but rather, because Christianity is so tied up in social systems that are heteronormative and LGBT-phobic, many people – Christian and otherwise – grow up assuming these ideologies are themselves Christian ideologies. Speaking from my perspective in the USA, heteronormative viewpoints are what have been normalized in our culture, and (quoting Black theologian Howard Thurman) “if normal, then correct; if correct, thenmoral; if moral, then religious” – religious here meaning Christian, because that is the religion of the people in power.

So many Christians who have absorbed LGBT-phobic ideology both in church and in society at large use their faith to legitimize that ideology – and therefore use their faith to harm LGBT+ people. When Christians are the ones in power constructing laws that deny LGBT+ people basic rights, when Christians so often claim that “God hates” LGBT people or that the Bible condemns being gay, how can we blame non-Christian LGBT+ people for steering clear of Christians, or for feeling anger or even hate against Christianity? 

Thus, when encountering these LGBT+ people, assure them that you understand why they feel the way they do. Acknowledge that Christianity has indeed caused harm – don’t deny it.

3. Be patient. But take care of yourself, too.

Remember that while you as an LGBT+ person are part of a marginalized group, as a Christian, you are (depending on your country) a member of a privileged religion. As such, it is good to acknowledge how we Christians often get to have the loudest voice – you do deserve a voice, but let them speak too. 

As touched upon earlier, the person you are talking with might be aggressive about how they feel, they might say things about Christianity that hurt you. Try to keep your emotions as calm as you can. Be patient and listen to what they have to say. Remember that they are not really angry at you specifically, or even about “all” Christians: they are hurt and angry with Christians who have enabled and enacted LGBT-phobia. 

That being said, if their comments do become too accusatory, too much like an attack on you personally, that’s not okay, and you have a right to tell them that’s not okay. Balance between listening to what they say and understanding their need to vent their hurt and taking care of yourself and not letting them step all over you and your feelings.

3. If you’re willing, share your side of things.

If you are LGBTA+, chances are you’ve been hurt by Christians too, even if you’re Christian yourself. Dealing with being told you’re sinning, struggling to overcome internalized homophobia, losing the support of Christian friends and family members, having to stay in the closet to protect yourself, losing the support of a congregation when you come out to them, having your own scripture be used against you – we know this hurt too. Tell them about it if you are willing to do so – that you know firsthand the hurt they’re experiencing. 

LGBTA+ people of faith face challenges from both sides – LGBT+ people tell us we are “betraying” the community; Christians tell us we need to give up important aspects of ourselves. You can try to explain this and the pain it causes you to be confronted by fellow LGBTA+ people. You deserve to be accepted in the community as much as non-religious LGBT+ people do.

4. Answering their questions.

There are common questions and comments non-religious LGBT+ people have for us; I’ll try to offer some answers you can use to discuss this topic with them.

“You’re sellouts / betraying the LGBT+ community by being Christian.” “You aren’t really LGBT+ if you’re Christian.” We are LGBT+, and we have every right to be active members of the LGBT+ community. Everyone has a right to intersecting identities, and we should not have to lose one part of who we are to satisfy members of another part of our identity. The idea that we have to “choose” one or the other is an argument used against way too many marginalized people – we do not need to pick a side. 

“You’re brainwashed into being Christian.” “You’re only Christian because you’re conditioned to believe in it.” – While it is true that many of us became Christian by being born into the faith, we as LGBTA+ people stay Christian in spite of overwhelming odds against us. If we were only Christian because of being “brainwashed,” it would be easy – we wouldn’t have questions or struggle with our own faith. On the contrary, to stay Christian as an LGBTA+ person means wrestling with hard questions and dealing with opposition from both Christian and LGBTA+ communities. Many of us have a rocky relationship with our faith for a while or forever. And that’s okay.

“Why bother be Christian when Christians have hurt you so badly?” Black Theologian Howard Thurman opens his 1949 book Jesus and the Disinherited with a question asked to him by a Hindu man: “How can you, a black man, be Christian?” – referring to the oppression inflicted by white Christians on African Americans. The long and short of Thurman’s answer is that, in spite of the pain and exploitation too often inflicted by Christians in positions of power, the oppressed have always been able to see past that misuse of the Christian message to the true message lived out by Jesus Christ: a message of liberation for all. In all places, in all times, God stands with the persecuted and marginalized, overturning unjust systems. In spite of everything humans can do to mar the name of Christianity, Christ’s truth shines through, and we believe that in following Jesus we follow a way that leads to a better world. 

“Well why not just follow Jesus on your own? Why bother with other Christians?” One cannot be a Christian in a vacuum – it is a religion of relationships. We are called to be in relationship with God and with human beings – as God’s love spills out from the Trinity into the whole world, so our love must spill over all boundaries built by hate and prejudice. Being a Christian involves building bridges between the oppressor and the oppressed, working to uncover injustice and bring about healing. It is our hope that by being an example of good fruit and glorifying God with our authentic lives as LGBT+ Christians, we can guide the Church as a whole into understanding that we too are an invaluable part of the Body of Christ.

If there are other comments or questions you’ve heard from non-Christian LGBT+ people that you’ve been wondering how to respond to, send them in and I’ll do my best to answer them! Or, if you have ideas for answers of your own, it would be great to share them.

Non-religious and religious LGBTA+ people are much more similar than we are different – we all face homophobia, transphobia, and denial of rights. It is important to engage in dialogue that leads to understanding so that we can work together to improve our world.

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

hi im sorry to bug you but i need advice. and also tw for possible emotional abuse!!!!

i have a friend who is very mentally ill. i am also very mentally ill. he is a trans gay boy and i am a cis girl who is pansexual.

this friend went through a period of about 3 months where he cut me out of his life and ignored me for seemingly no reason, leaving me friendless and confused and abandoned. i would try to talk to him but he would ignore me or be extremely snippy, giving me short answers and refusing to even acknowledge me. i tried so hard to talk to him at first but he ignored me in favor of new friends and new people and i was so sad and so jealous. i talked to him about it about a week ago and he apologized and said he’s sorry and that he’s “a horrible friend” and that he “was just doing it so he wouldn’t lash out at me”, which i get but even after that conversation, he still ignores me and makes me feel awful.

he also lies to me and makes me feel anxious all the time. for example, i have a crush on this boy from my work and I’ll talk about him sometimes. but whenever I would talk about him, he would go on social media and post like “lol time for another breakdown”. and i confronted him about it and asked like “hey, does it bother you that i talk about this boy?” And he was like “why would it bother me?” And I was like “i don’t know, just please tell me if it does.”. And he just goes “that would be irrational”. So I asked further and he just said “it doesn’t bother me. But if it did, it would be unfair of me to tell you that.” and i was like “no, that’s not how relationships work. you need to tell me these things.” And he went into a breakdown and said “I don’t ever do enough for anyone it’s never enough. I need to make relationships balanced. Nothing I ever do is enough”. and like!!! it really wouldn’t bother me if he didn’t want me to talk about the boy I like! it just bothers me that I’m being lied to.

i think he doesn’t want me to talk about the boy because he’s very paranoid that nobody will want to b in a relationship with him.

he also gets mad when I ask if he’s okay. I’ll be like “hey how are you” and he’ll reply “fine.” And I know that’s a sign that he’s not okay So I say “are you sure?”. and he goes. “Yeah. If I say I’m fine, I’m fine”.

and like I’ll talk to him as much as I can and I would go out of my way to make sure he’s good and comfortable and happy and I would buy him so much stuff and stay up for nights and nights in a row to help him when he breaks down but then he’ll post stuff like “nobody ever try’s to help me. I’m all alone and nobody listens to me. They just overshadow me.” And it just hurts I guess.

he makes posts on his finsta about how he doesn’t want to be people’s therapists and how everyone just uses him and he spends all his time helping other people. and it makes me feel shitty about going to him for help. But then i feel bad and i feel guilty for feeling bad!! and he’ll also make posts that say, “i need to shut up and help everyone else. I need to help other people with their problems. I need to not feel guilty.” And that makes me feel like he’s only nice to me because he feels GUILTY!!! which I hate so much. but then I’m stuck because i try to help him but he shuts me down!!

and also whenever I talk to him about my problems, he’ll make a finsta post abt how “lol I’m breaking down again” and “I’m a bad friend”. he blames himself for his friends because depressed and it makes me feel like I can’t talk to him about my own issues.

im scared to see him at school because i hate feeling like he’s going to get upset with me or have a breakdown or something. or he’s going to ignore me and make me feel disgusting. once i flinched around him and he got really upset and was like “god, I’m awful. I don’t want to scare you I’m such a bad friend”.

he’s been emotionally abused in the past so I don’t want to believe he’s emotionally abusing me. Also he is very kind to me sometimes and he does tell me that I can always talk to him if I need something, but I just feel scared of pushing him into a breakdown.

I’m sorry this is so long. I just feel so alone. i feel so sick and i get anxious like I can’t breathe around him. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I feel constantly guilt tripped and hurt and scared

ahhhh this sounds like such a negative and unhealthy friendship ): this post and this website talk about emotional abuse and ways to identify it, it could be helpful to read.

whether it’s emotional abuse or not though, it’s still a really toxic friendship? like there’s so many aspects that are red flags and warning signs that this isn’t a person to have in your life. I mean I think one of more unhealthy behaviours is documenting every. single. thought. and. feeling that he has online, knowing that you’re going to see it? like that’s not cool!! \: I’m all for using diaries and journals and online spaces to vent and to get things off your chest, I mean I use my own tumblr blog for that all the time haha. but it just comes off as very passive-aggressive when he writes down all his negative feelings that concern (or are connected to) you, knowing that you’re going to see it and read it. like if you have a problem with someone then just talk to them?? or if you don’t want to talk to them and still want to get it off your chest, then find some place to write it all down where that person isn’t going to read it. 

it’s terrible that he has mental health troubles and is plainly in a dark place, mentally? but his mental health problems are only an explanation of his actions, not a justification or an excuse. you need to look after yourself too! ): and if you find yourself feeling spending more of the time upset and negative, rather than happy? then it’s probably a sign that it’s best for the friendship to send. 

from all that you’ve said, it sounds like you’ve trying to do everything right by him? it’s unfortunate that the depression he’s experiencing isn’t letting him see that, it sounds like he’s got a lot to work through with someone trained in mental health. 

where to go from here? I’d encourage him to seek help from a qualified therapist if it’s all possible, but in the mean time I’d distance yourself from him. given his anxiety and depression, I think it would be best to talk to him and tell him that you need some space? let him know that you need to deal with your own mental health issues, and that his way of behaving around you at times makes you feel sad and guilty. that way? 1) you’re directly giving him a reason, rather than leaving him feeling confused and with questions, 2) you’re gently stating that while you have issues to work through, his way of acting towards you wasn’t fair or healthy, like he needs to know and acknowledge that. 

I’m not entirely sure whether this is emotional abuse, because he sounds like he tries to be nice or wants to help you out when he can? it sounds like he’s got good intentions but just doesn’t know how to follow through on that, it doesn’t sound like he’s deliberately trying to be manipulative, controlling or setting out with an intention to be hurtful. however!!!! this is still a really unhealthy friendship and it’s clear that it’s affecting you a lot, so I do feel it’s best to give yourself some space from him, spend time with others and make your own mental health a priority. take care friend, safe safe <33

- tash

[aridara]

So back in September I exchanged some messages with a complete imbecile called “lala-slave-labor”; then they made a post where they published the conversation, framing it as “crazy person tried to convert me”. Even though all I did was pointing out that their idea of “free speech” was completely impossible, because...

They initially claimed that limiting the speech of bigots is not “freedom”.

However, I pointed out that, when bigots are left free to spread hate speech, this INEVITABLY results in bigots limiting the speech of their victims.

Therefore, Lala’s solution was that bigots and marginalized people should “compromise”.

...Which is against Lala’s definition of “freedom” (see point 1).

Anyway, Lala deactivated, but SYABM was one of the few people who reblogged it, uncritically siding with Lala (because of COURSE he is). Anyway, post under the cut.

For easier reading, Lala’s messages are bolded, while mine are not.

lala-slave-labor + aridara

lala-slave-labor I have seen your posts. Do you honestly believe everything you post? Do you honestly believe everyone else that is sane is with you on this?

09/03/2020 aridara Be more vague.

09/03/2020 lala-slave-labor The shit you post a lot about

09/03/2020 aridara MORE.

lala-slave-labor Shit you were postin’ yesterday, you dense mother fucker.

aridara M O R E

lala-slave-labor Do you fight for racial justice? since you’re a daft cunt

aridara Yes.

lala-slave-labor ACAB?

aridara The system is completely fucked up, from how management completely fails to make cops take responsibility for pretty much anything, to how cops are trained. So more like “tear down everything and start over”.

lala-slave-labor Everything?

aridara Yep.

lala-slave-labor Even how America does elections?

aridara What does the USA electoral system have to do with the USA police system?

lala-slave-labor the politicians set how the cops do their job

aridara Hold on, you mean the USA presidential elections or… pretty much every other political election in the USA? Given that they use two very different systems?

lala-slave-labor The politicians make the policies.

Are you even American?

aridara No.

lala-slave-labor Yet America is a racist country?

aridara Maybe you should ask non-white people in America.

lala-slave-labor I am not-white

aridara With all due respect, you are one and they are legion.

lala-slave-labor non-whites are a hive mind? A collective? We all believe the same things?

aridara No.

lala-slave-labor “you’re the only one and they are legion” you so sure?

aridara It’s similar to your body: every cell has a different opinion, and yet you aren’t dissolving in a pile of molten flesh just because half your body wants to go in one direction and half in another.

lala-slave-labor Do all or 90+% black people hate cops? Are cops killing blacks because they’re black?

aridara 1) I don’t know. Probably.

2) They are much more harsh towards black people for no reason* other that they’re black. (*: Reasons that are directly contradicted by their actions are ignored.)

lala-slave-labor I haven’t been shot or arrested because I’m not white. None of the other non-whites here haven’t been shot. Where are you getting your information?

aridara ……Are you claiming that non-white Americans do NOT get shot? Because that’s wizardry.

lala-slave-labor Mostly by non-white people… Have you been to American big cities?

aridara Fun fact: most crimes involving white criminals affect white people. And yet, white people have literally never cared about white-on-white crime. To your question: no.

lala-slave-labor Because, at least where I live (a 90+% white state, with a sub-10% crime rate), no one gets shot or arrested. It’s big news when it happens, and that’s because it happens…ohhhh, maybe once a year, if not rarer.

lala-slave-labor Where are you getting your information?

09/03/2020 aridara God.

lala-slave-labor What? Straight up… Gee Oh Dee God?

aridara Also lots of people, for They are Her creation, and They are the Many to Her One.

lala-slave-labor How do you feel about gay people? Trans people?

aridara They face a lot of discrimination and should get the same rights as everyone else. Also, I don’t get why transphobes are literally obsessed with genitals - especially those of children. It’s super creepy.

lala-slave-labor God does not approve. And God is just and good. Soooooo

aridara Different God.

lala-slave-labor There’s only 1 God. But which God is this?

aridara In pretty much all monotheistic religions, the name of the god is literally the word for “god”.

lala-slave-labor “they’re all the same”

aridara No, they are not. Christianity is a lot different than Islam, for instance.

lala-slave-labor Islam always kills the gays based religion

aridara Nope. There’s tons of Islam currents that are pro-LGBT.

lala-slave-labor That’s a vast minority.

aridara Fun fact: there were quite a few major currents in the Middle Ages where forcibily converting other people into Islam was punished with exile at best, death penalty at worst. Also, “vast minority” is pretty inaccurate.

lala-slave-labor Have you spoken to many muslims?

aridara Yes.

lala-slave-labor More than 1000

aridara They treat people like ISIS in the same way I would treat, say, Mussolini. And yes. Have YOU?

lala-slave-labor You won’t believe me.

aridara I believe a lot of things.

lala-slave-labor like Social Justice?

aridara But, admittedly, not EVERYTHING. For example… Do you know someone in real life well enough that you know their tumblr username, and yet you have no idea what their name is?

lala-slave-labor No

aridara Exactly.

lala-slave-labor Nice deflection.

aridara I got someone claiming that ten people do that: they know me in real life well enough to know what’s my Tumblr blog, but not my name.

It’s whack.

lala-slave-labor Do you believe in that social justice?

aridara But enough venting.

Yes, I DO believe in Social Justice.

lala-slave-labor Yikes you have a lot of mental illnesses, don’t you?

aridara No. But I have scoliosis.

aridara …You’re searching “scoliosis” on Wikipedia, aren’t you.

lala-slave-labor Crooked spine no I know a chick with that condition But I digress, do people who don’t believe in social justice have mental illnesses?

aridara No?!? That’s like saying that people who prefer Star Trek to Star Wars have mental illnesses. It’s nonsense.

lala-slave-labor Didn’t you recently post “Trump supporters are racist”?

aridara I’m pretty sure that I did. And I stand by it.

That, or they’re ACCIDENTALLY racist.

And honestly, I don’t know which is worse.

lala-slave-labor I guess I, a non-white, is racist somehow

aridara By supporting a massive racist, which fucks over non-white people in general you included? Yes.

lala-slave-labor And an immigrant

aridara Look, if you voted for a guy so racist that frikkin NIXON told him to cut it off, maybe you should pause and think about what you’re doing.

lala-slave-labor He’s better than Biden, by miles.

aridara In terms of bigotry or in terms of competence?

lala-slave-labor Both

aridara Because we’re talking about the guy who managed to bankrupt a casino. Multiple times. How the FUCK do you manage to bankrupt a casino.

lala-slave-labor That’s retarded, bro

aridara I guess if you get bombed, or if there’s some kind of natural disaster… But neither of these applies to Trumpadilladilladome, house of the Drumpatilladimmsdimmatrumbadillampadome. ™

lala-slave-labor “he ain’t competent, he let a business go bankrupt hurr hurr” My people, my neighbors matter. The rest of world can burn for all I care.

aridara MULTIPLE businesses go bankrupt. Including ones that, if you start up with some capital (like him), they’re pretty much impossible to bankrupt. Hold on, let me Google it.

lala-slave-labor Trump has been good for my community. We also don’t have many dead by cop black people here

aridara Six bankruptcies (is that the plural for “bankruptcy”?) between hotels and casinos.

lala-slave-labor Outta how many?

aridara I don’t know about the hotels, but casinos have a 100% bankruptcy rate.

lala-slave-labor Yet our economy, pre-covid, was amazing.

aridara 5 casinos. Until he decided to intervene personally, instead of changing the directives of Obama and Bush. Trump Steaks evaporated.

lala-slave-labor I support racism, bro. Nothin’ wrong with that.

aridara As for Trump University [pre-registered laughter] Racism is pseudoscience.

lala-slave-labor “we’re all the same”

aridara In big numbers? Yes.

lala-slave-labor If racism is fake pseudoscience, how come we gotta end racism? It ain’t real.

aridara Because a lot of people still believe that it’s not only true, but a valid science.

lala-slave-labor Where are you getting these sources?

aridara “Oh, look, I proved that black people have a much lower IQ than white ones! I compared poor black people that couldn’t finish school because they had to work to support their own families, and white college students that studied how to solve IQ tests for years!” That was from Stormfront, by the way. Not an exact quote - obviously - but the sentiment was there.

lala-slave-labor And yet I put in less work but got better grades than my white peers. It benefit me, so not a problem.

aridara With all the due respect, you have a Spider Georg situation.

lala-slave-labor what?

lala-slave-labor Is it because I’m not white?!

lala-slave-labor But I don’t eat spiders.

lala-slave-labor Why are you commenting in American politics?

aridara Spite. Also, America influences the rest of the world, for better or for worse. For example, Trump’s election significantly increased the amount of right-winf extremists in my country, followed by a sharp increase in the suicide rate of said extremists.

lala-slave-labor Sorry you live in a country that is so weak that other nations can mess with it. I don’t go around saying “hey, guys and gals from (your country), don’t vote for that guy”. You don’t have that PRIVILEGE.

lala-slave-labor Your country affects America, too. But I don’t go around tellin’ your people who to vote for.

lala-slave-labor Why are you so spiteful? What’d Trump (and/or America) do to you?

aridara Do I have to list all the waya Trump messed up with international politics and encouraged the rise of right-wing extremists in pretty much all of Europe? Not to mention the fact that he is Putin’s ally, to the point of repeatedly breaking the law for free just to save hostile Russian agents?

lala-slave-labor Right-wing bad, huh? You’re the good guys, on the right side of history, yeah?

lala-slave-labor Freedom is absolute. Everyone can say what they want, and it’s not a crime. Someone said a slur? So what, they have that damn freedom.

lala-slave-labor From what my aunt and grand mother said, in Germany, Merkle invited them in herself. Did it to themselves.

lala-slave-labor They orchestrated the fall of the EU. No one liked the EU. There was never any good reason to stick with that fascist hell state.

lala-slave-labor humans yearn, nay DEMAND freedom!

aridara Funny, because hate crimes - including murder - significantly increased. By the way: absolute free speech is impossible. You either limit bigotry, or you end up with bigotry’s victims being silenced.

lala-slave-labor And we have a moral mandate to stop discrimination and hate speech?

aridara I mean, if you don’t want people like us advocating in favor of sending people like you + your families + your friends death and rape threats every single day for the rest of your life. Especially the children.

lala-slave-labor What’re you proposing we do to ensure all is safe and welcome? We can’t just let everyone do as they please, right? I mean, words kill, right?

09/04/2020 lala-slave-labor What do you think of…Yuri Besmenov?

09/04/2020 aridara The idea is pretty simple: if you advocate in favor of discriminating against, deporting and/or harming entire groups of people for no reason other that said groups exist, you go fuck yourself, and people have the right to take you at face value. And I never heard of Besmenov.

lala-slave-labor Freedom is absolute. He called this social justice stuff back in the 80’s, to a T but everyone is pissed at him because he made them (rightly) look like inhuman monsters who hate freedom.

lala-slave-labor Do you want to ban freedom or let people be discriminated against?

09/04/2020 aridara Do you want to ban the freedom of bigots, or the freedom of the bigots’ victims?

lala-slave-labor why do we have to ban either?

aridara Because here’s the thing: every single time “advocating in favor of discriminating / deporting / harming an entire groups of people for no reason other that said groups exist” was freely allowed, EVERY single time it got worse to the point that said groups of people were threatened and harmed into silence.

So, we can’t have both. It’s one or the other. So, what do you pick? The bigota? Or their victims?

lala-slave-labor For no good reason, huh? Is it really because racism?

aridara In absence of any other reason*, yes. (*: Claiming that your reason is X doesn’t count if it is demonstrated that your reason is NOT X.)

lala-slave-labor So what the native populace wants isn’t a valid reason? We should just try to accommodate everyone from all cultures in the same neighborhood?

aridara Did you actually read what I wrote?

lala-slave-labor Yes. Different cultures cannot coexist.

aridara They have. Throughout history. I mean, random example: the UNITED States of America.

lala-slave-labor It’s mostly white, Christians

aridara So are Italy, Spain and Germany, and yet they’re very different cultures. Like the USA. The USA are 50 different cultures in a trench coat.

lala-slave-labor Most of America is white people. Most of America is Judeo-Christian.

aridara So are Italy, Spain and Germany. And yet they are extremely different cultures.

lala-slave-labor They don’t have freedom. Freedom or bust

aridara You don’t know that “culture” means more than race and religion, do you?

lala-slave-labor Do you, as an Non-American, know what freedom is?

aridara Do you? Is it “I can do whatever the fuck I want, and fuck everyone else”?

lala-slave-labor I can cause offense without having the government all up on my ass.

lala-slave-labor I can legally own guns.

lala-slave-labor As long as it’s not a threat or you’ve been asked to leave, you can generally do what you want. Wanna spray slurs on the road? GO FOR IT wanna call entire groups of people names? GO FOR IT The government literally can’t stop you unless you start affecting other people. and no, calling say, gays, mean things isn’t “government gonna stop you” worthy. Can you do ANY OF THAT where you come from? without getting arrested or “given a talking to by the local cops”

lala-slave-labor all you’re saying is “I don’t like x, if you do x, you’re a shit person and I’m better” and “You’re X. I don’t care if I’m wrong, you’re X.”

lala-slave-labor That basically shuts down all conversation. It’s proving you’ve got nothing of value to say. It’s why you and others like you with your points pull that.

lala-slave-labor There is a third option to your question. Don’t get the government involved, and let the people themselves solve the issue. Don’t want foreigners around? Kicked out. And they aren’t wrong for it. Foreigners might radically change the neighborhood to something the locals find offensive and obscene.

lala-slave-labor Unless you can grasp that “let people solve their problems” by taking a third option to your query, stay the fuck out of American politics.

lala-slave-labor Last point: the victim can use freedom of speech to get the bigot thrown in jail. They aren’t helpless…usually. Though, that usually is just the mentally ill ones.

aridara Nope. As I said, either you defend bigotry; or you defend the victims of bigotry. Can’t defend both.

For example, in your scenario, bigots are allowed to call for the deportation of gay and “foreign” (read: anyone of the “wrong” race) people, for absolutely no reason besides “those people dare to exist”. This inevitably escalates into harassment, threats and crimes, until gay and foreign people are silenced and kicked out. Voilà: total freedom of speech is lost, because entire groups of people are now unjustly silenced. We saw this happen literally every time bigotry was freely allowed. Every. Single. Time. But it’s clear that you would pick the bigots. “Don’t want foreigners around? Kick them out.”

09/04/2020 lala-slave-labor Fine, you fucking retard. Yes, I’ll defend the bigots. Now fuck off with that “they might silence people” moralistic bullshit. Yes, it is as you say, people will get treated like shit because they aren’t locals. You’re so fuckin’ hung up on it. “b-but the victims they bsbdoifjweoij” “you can’t defend both” why not? Because I HAVE TO PICK A SIDE Is that how this works?

lala-slave-labor I don’t have to pick a side. People are dying daily in America, but guess fucking what, I don’t have to give a fuck, you European cunt. You’re basically saying “we should protect everyone”. You realize what happens when we strip away freedom right?

lala-slave-labor No one in America genuinely likes you Europeans. We all openly mock you.

lala-slave-labor “but they might kill themselves” yeah and? That’s not my problem. They’re free to do that. So long as they aren’t taking other people with them, far be it from me or anyone else to stop them.

lala-slave-labor If you place the safety of the people above all else, you get tyranny. And if I see any tyranny, it’s my duty as a patriotic American to kill it.

lala-slave-labor Freedom is absolute. It allows people to be harmed by assholes, but if it goes away, everyone will have 0 rights, not just those stupid foreigners you so love to “care” for. But hey, I’m not a tyrant-in-the-making, like some people. Because, newsflash, asshole, everyone is equal in America. It’s literally illegal to be treated like shit by government and jobs because of what or who you are, within reason.

lala-slave-labor You are going to have to restrict someone’s rights. Who, then, will be on the receiving end? The bigots? That rapes their rights. The victims? Again, rapes their rights. Not only that, but it kills the rights.

lala-slave-labor You’re being a moral guardian-type busy body. No sane, rational American liked you assholes in the 90’s with that Satanic Panic bullshit, and we sure as shit don’t fucking like it now with this puritan, social justice bullshit. So yes, I’m gonna defend the bigots. But I’m also gonna defend the victims you say you care for. Because it’s my duty to protect the rights of all within my country. Sure, people might kill themselves, but the alternative is a dystopian “utopia”.

lala-slave-labor So, until you, a collectivist prick, gets it through your thick fucking skull that you don’t have to side with either bigots or their victims, that you can defend both, stay the fuck out American politics.

lala-slave-labor I am not taking your shit. Speak plainly, you wanna make a world where all are safe from being emotionally harmed.

09/04/2020 aridara Are you done? The fact is that you cannot defend the speech of both bigots and their victims. Is one or the other.

aridara Literally every single time I asked people to find me ONE place where 1) “Advocating in favor of discriminating/deporting/harming entire groups of people for no reason other that said groups exist” was freely allowed; AND 2) Where that decision did NOT result into the bigotry becoming way wider-spread and worse, and the bigotry’s victims getting silenced,

- nobody answwred. Because it’s utterly impossible. You can’t defend both. You defend bigotry, you give up the rights of the victims of bigotry. You are not American.

aridara You said it yourself: unless you defend EVERYONE’s rights, you aren’t American.

09/04/2020 lala-slave-labor I don’t have to live by people from Syria, Nigeria, Algeria, Greece, Japan, China, Peru, Mexico, let alone anyone else. You won’t be honest about what you’re trying to say. If they immigrate LEGALLY, they won’t get deported. I’ve been here for 28 years. I came in legally. I don’t fear deportation. Comes with citizenship.

lala-slave-labor If you’re a citizen, you won’t be treated like shit by the government.

lala-slave-labor My father’s family has been here for 200 or so years, if not longer. But we have to share HIS LAND with people who weren’t even born here, that no one has ever met?

lala-slave-labor His side of my family has spent the first 200 years I know of booting foreigners. They don’t have a right to our land. They aren’t OUR people.

lala-slave-labor I’m not gonna stop the bigot from calling blacks niggers, calling trans people trannies, and all other manners of slurs. But I’m also not gonna stop the victim from contacting the proper authorities to deal with it. The issues doesn’t involve us. It’s between the two engaged. But hey, I’m debating a retard online what can’t even be honest about what he’s activisting about. I’m not about to rob the victim, as you keep pointing out, of their agency. They don’t NEED any help. But what can I say? I’m not on the right side of history, am I? Out with your intentions. Lying is a sin. You market your beliefs, removing the negative parts. Have you not thought of the consequences to these ideas? Or do you just not care?

aridara Not what you said. You said that, if the people don’t want to stay around “foreigners” (read: people of the wrong race), then they have the right to remove them from the country.

lala-slave-labor It’s not a race thing, you doofus.

aridara Also, again: there is NO space where freely allowing hate speech did NOT end up with the victims of bigotry being silenced. None. Zero. Nada. Nothing. Which means: you either defend hate speech, or you defend the victims of bigotry. Can’t defend both. In either case, according to you, you are against freedom.

Sucks to be you.

lala-slave-labor RIGHT… As if the victim can’t use their freedom of speech to bring the bigot to fucking justice. Or just fucking walk away! You’re assuming everyone is as weak as you! Insulting. That is not “silencing” you are FREE to make your fucking comments YOU ARE NOT ENTILTED FOR PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO THEM OR TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY it’s not SILENCE SILENCE IS TO STRIP YOUR RIGHT TO TALK them not wanting you to talk, is not silence Maybe them not wanting you to talk for a very good fucking reason It’s not silence, you retard. You know naught of freedom!

aridara Nope - they cannot. Again: if it was possible, then there should be at least ONE space where hate speech was freely allowed, but where the victims of bigots were still allowed to speak.

But there is not. No amount of religious fundamentalism will change that.

lala-slave-labor Then I should be dead. I face those bigots daily.

aridara Give it some time.

lala-slave-labor Give it time?

aridara Hate speech becomes harassment, which becomes discrimination, which becomes violence.

lala-slave-labor What, I’m so weak, I’ll kill myself?

aridara No. It means that the bigots escalate until they straight-up kill you. See for example what happened in America in recent years.

lala-slave-labor What do you speak of? The George Floyd thing?

aridara No, that was just one of the last steps. I’m talking about the progressive worsening of police racism, coupled with “law and order” politics that heavily disadvantaged black people and immigrants, coupled with multiple economic crises and an epidemic, coupled with one of the most patethic presidencies in USA history. Coupled with a president who blatantly aligns himself with white supremacists. Good job: you now are on the brink of a civil war. And your Dear Leader is doing PRECISELY what he shouldn’t be doing in this kind of situation - which ensures that the situation WILL escalate. Enjoy your next six years.

lala-slave-labor Then what is Antifa to you? And BLM? hell, what does Brexit mean to you, while we’re at it.

lala-slave-labor How has Trump allied with white supremacist

lala-slave-labor Where are you getting all this information?

lala-slave-labor ‘tis not the illusion of freedom, that which America prospers under. ‘twould appear as so you are jealous, to be frank.

09/05/2020 aridara Antifa and BLM are a decentralized movement without an actual leadership. Brexit is the result of extreme nationalism, which is notoriously short-sighted.

aridara Among other things, Trump repeatedly employs nationalist policies, and heavily prioritizes attacking non-white immigrants over attacking illegal immigrants.

aridara I get my information from various sources. But my knowledge of how the USA is going towards civil war? That comes rfrom FM 3-24.

lala-slave-labor What’s wrong with nationalism? Are borders bad, or something?

lala-slave-labor Plus, like, everyone who is in a place, regardless of if they’ve been allowed in said place, should just be allowed to like, do as they please, with the full rights of people who have lived there their entire lives, right?

lala-slave-labor So, tell me somethin’, will ya? What’s more important? Freedom or feelings? Because you refuse to answer simple questions, I must spell it out for you.

lala-slave-labor Are you just? Are you on the right side of history? I think I know the answer, but it’s best to get it straight from the horses mouth, as they say.

09/05/2020 aridara Extreme nationalism (like white nationalism - which must not be  confused with nationalism in mostly-white nations, they’re different things) is actively harmful, as demonstrated throughout history. No, I don’t think there should be borders. Again: your feelings on the matter are completely irrelevant. You either defend the speech of bigots, or you defend the speech of the victims of bigotry - there is no magic third option. And yes, I do think that I am on the right side of history.

lala-slave-labor Because people get killed, I have to pick a side?! Are you fucking crazy?!

aridara Yep. You either pick the side where bigotry escalates until people get killed; or you pick the side where you limit bigoted speech.

lala-slave-labor ahahahaha no You’re gonna have to kill me.

aridara Again: there’s no third option.

Literally every single time I’ve asked me to bring ONE example where they defended both bigotry and the victims, they failed. Whine all you want, die all you want; these are the facts. If that makes you die, then you are doomed to perish no matter what I or you do.

lala-slave-labor The just thing to do is to strip rights away from assholes you don’t like?

aridara Stripping the rights of others is not a right. Bigotry, unless opposed, inevitably strips others of their rights. Do the math.

aridara Let me put it this way: if someone unjustly attacks you, and the only way out is to kill them, you have the right to kill in self-defense, right?

lala-slave-labor Every psychopath in history thinks they’re in the right. That’s what having twisted principles will do to you.

aridara But if you are the one unjustly attacking someone with deadly force, and they have no other option except to kill you to survive… do you still have the right to kill in self-defense? After all, they ARE attacking you with deadly force…

lala-slave-labor yep You think this is proving your point?

lala-slave-labor We must be intolerant of intolerance, yeah? Even though we’re the tolerant ones, right? what if I think your words are harmful or bigoted? Do I get to just kill you? Why do you get to decide that? What gives you the right? crap, autocorrect I and me, not you and you. what if I think your words are harmful or bigoted? Do I get to just kill you? Why do I get to decide that? What gives me the right? there, better.

aridara So, basically, what you’re saying is that we should allow the victim to kill the murderer AND allow the murderer to kill the victim, right? You don’t see any problem with this?

lala-slave-labor You see a problem with that? Do you hate fascism? Is everyone on Trumps side a fascist by virtue of being on Trumps side?

aridara You have a problem.

lala-slave-labor yes I’m a retard lol

lala-slave-labor Now answer the question.

09/05/2020 aridara Yes and yes.

09/05/2020 lala-slave-labor Thank you for taking the time to out yourself.

lala-slave-labor If you respond, I’ll have to do something drastic.

09/05/2020 aridara You literally had two world wars where you decided that fascism was bad.

09/05/2020 lala-slave-labor You’re a good little idiot. They will kill you if you don’t keep up, if you aren’t useful to them.

lala-slave-labor And don’t go thinkin’ “I won’t be killed over this by my own party”. Hate to see it, but it happens. A lot. You don’t think BTLM? FUCKING FASCIST!

and then you’re getting death threats. Then they’re attacking you in the streets. You never said Black Trans Lives Mattered or not. But you never said they didn’t.

lala-slave-labor You’ll one day become a fascist to them. All because they keep changing the rules. Eventually, it gets to a point where…enough is enough.

lala-slave-labor You cannot accommodate every identity. Some identities want the rest dead. I’m not the judgemental, tyrannical fascist here. YOU ARE.

lala-slave-labor You have become the thing you hate. Because eventually, you will be branded a heretic.

aridara No, I won’t. Antifas haven’t killed anyone in the USA in the last 25 years. Meanwhile, Trumpers alone have killed multiple people. Same goes for BLM and white supremacists.

lala-slave-labor Is antifa not an organization? They have chapters like you would the Free Masons.

aridara You know how I’m 100% sure I won’t get branded as a fascist? Because I’m not a fascist.

And don’t give me any of that “Antifa calls EVERY innocent who disagrees with them 'Nazi’!” bullshit. It didn’t work with the neo-Nazis at the Unite The Right rally, it won’t work now.

lala-slave-labor Where are the neo-nazis?

aridara And yes, we CAN accommodate every identity. What we can’t accommodate is bigots. Can I replace your eyes? Because they clearly aren’t working.

lala-slave-labor So how do we get rid of bigots?

aridara We need to replace your ears, too. In fact, I think this is a “just throw away the whole suitcase” situation. Anyway, step one is to find a wall.

lala-slave-labor If you don’t accommodate bigots, are you really accommodating everyone? Find a wall? And what, pray tell, will happen once we find said wall?

aridara Get closer to it until your nose almost touches it.

lala-slave-labor And then?

aridara Then you stare at it for the next 30 years, without distracting yourself. Every 6 months, make some kind of noise so that we can know that you’re still alive.

It’s very easy. While you are at it, think about ONE single space where bigotry was freely allowed and you could accommodate for both bigots AND their victims.

lala-slave-labor Is that what you’re calling execution?

aridara No.

lala-slave-labor That’s the part where you shoot them in the head for being a bigot. I’ve seen videos of that happening. Hundreds.

aridara Nope.

lala-slave-labor Let me guess: fake news meant to make the good guys look bad.

aridara No, it means that’s not what I am doing. Of course, there’s always The Alternative. But you won’t like that.

lala-slave-labor The Alternative?

aridara Yep, The Alternative.

lala-slave-labor And that is?

aridara Are you sure that you want to know it?

lala-slave-labor I wanna be on the right side of history.

aridara Because it would require to sacrifice a fundamental part of what makes you “you”.

lala-slave-labor And that is?

aridara Your concept of “freedom”. Not freedom itself; just the way you are currently interpreting it.

lala-slave-labor Just toss it? Why? What’s wrong with it? Victims killing themselves?

aridara You can discover it only by taking The Alternative.

lala-slave-labor And do what, make America more like Europe?

aridara No. More like how America was supposed to be.

lala-slave-labor And how was that? A place where everyone is/was supposed to be safe from anything they dislike or were uncomfortable with?

aridara No. But you’ll have to take The Alternative to find out.

Are you sure that you want to know what it is?

lala-slave-labor You keep dancing around it. Just out with it.

aridara It’s pretty simple:

Just admit that you cannot accomodate both bigots and the victims of bigotry.

lala-slave-labor And then what? How do we solve that?

aridara The first step is to accept it. You still haven’t.

lala-slave-labor Why? Because it isn’t allowed where you live?

aridara Your concept of “freedom” requires you to find a way to accommodate them both. Your concept of “freedom” is based on the assumption that such a thing is possible.

lala-slave-labor Yes. It is. It happens here.

aridara This is what I meant by “you must throw away your concept of freedom”.

Because you must accept that it’s impossible.

lala-slave-labor Then what’s the correct definition of freedom then?

aridara You have black people killed for no reason other that they’re black. Gay and trans people tortured until they go insane and kill themselves. People being arrested for no charges. You don’t have freedom.

lala-slave-labor Right, that guy I nearly killed was for no fucking reason.

aridara And you sure as hell you aren’t accommodating both the bigots and their victims at the same time. Only the former.

lala-slave-labor Prick deserves a fate worse than death. Why can’t we be allowed to have bigots?

aridara You must accept that your concept of “freedom” is impossible. Only then you can heal. Until then, you are trapped in your delusions. Why you can’t have bigots?

lala-slave-labor Yeah. Why can’t we?

aridara Because if you have them, then their victims lose their rights. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”. So, you must stop bigots.

lala-slave-labor Why do they lose rights? Because some prick is bein’ mean to them? They can’t fight back?

aridara But if you stop the bigots, then they lise their right to be bigots. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”. So you must allow bigotry. But if you allow bigotry, then the victims of bigotry end up losing their rights. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”.

So, you must stop bigots.

lala-slave-labor Good. As intended.

aridara But if you stop the bigots, then they lose their right to be bigots. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”.

So you must allow bigotry. But if you allow bigotry, then the victims of bigotry end up losing their rights. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”.

So, you must stop bigots. But if you stop the bigots, then they lose their right to be bigots. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”.

So you must allow bigotry. But if you allow bigotry, then the victims of bigotry end up losing their rights. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”.

So, you must stop bigots.

lala-slave-labor No I don’t.

aridara But if you stop the bigots, then they lose their right to be bigots. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”.

So you must allow bigotry. But if you allow bigotry, then the victims of bigotry end up losing their rights. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”.

So, you must stop bigots. But if you stop the bigots, then they lose their right to be bigots. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”.

So you must allow bigotry.

lala-slave-labor I don’t have to stop the bigots, nor do I have to save the victims.

aridara Yes, you do. Your concept of “freedom” requires it.

lala-slave-labor Your concept of freedom is shit. It’s no wonder why both World Wars started in that shithole of a continent.

aridara No, it’s YOUR concept. You want to accommodate everyone’s rights: both those of bigots, and those of their victims So, if you limit bigotry, you are anti-freedom.

lala-slave-labor Why do we have to limit rights?

aridara And if you allow bigots to take away their victims’ rights, you’re also anti-freedom.

lala-slave-labor No.

aridara Yes. You said so. You wanted to accommodate both of them.

lala-slave-labor I don’t have to, nor am I compelled by emotion, save either.

aridara Well, go ahead. Do it. Or perish trying. And if you don’t want to do it…

…why do you hate freedom?

lala-slave-labor Do you even have freedom?

aridara Do you? I’m sure that you don’t.

lala-slave-labor I do.

aridara You either defend bigots, which means that their victims lose their rights, and freedom is lost…

lala-slave-labor I can go around screaming “nigger tranny faggot get the hose” and shit and nothing happens.

aridara …Or you stop bigots, which means that THEY lose their rights, and freedom is lost.

lala-slave-labor I can do that all day.

aridara You are encouraging bigotry to spread. And the more it spreads, the worse it gets. Until bigots kill people.

lala-slave-labor And?!

aridara Which is against freedom.

lala-slave-labor big fuckin’ whoop

aridara Why do you hate freedom?

lala-slave-labor that is what it means to be free.

aridara Hating freedom means being free? Not having freedom means being free? Preserving the freedom of some, but not others, is “protecting freedom”? Is that why they hated you?

lala-slave-labor Right, the victim of bigotry has no rights. The cops will totes just side with the bigot. Is that how this works?

aridara When bigotry spreads enough, yes.

lala-slave-labor Or are you projecting how your not-free hellhole handled shit?

aridara Because then the bigots enter in the police system.

Which is precisely what happened in the USA. It’s not random that 40% of cops are domestic abusers.

lala-slave-labor You’re right, not 40%. It’s not even 10%.

aridara Because they are bigots. And they have spread to the point that they have invaded the police system.

lala-slave-labor And I’m not about to rewrite the system over less than 10% of the cops being shit people.

aridara And nope, it’s 40%. At MINIMUM.

lala-slave-labor No cop where I live is like that. Everyone respects them.

aridara And that’s without going the open white supremacy of many cops. We’re talking “I want an ethnic cleansing” amount of bigotry.

lala-slave-labor It’s only like that in the big cities, which is a small minority of the nation. Good on them. They’re free to do it.

aridara Keep telling yourself that.

lala-slave-labor You can’t save everyone.

aridara Are you feeling this safe because you know that your cops are as bigoted as you?

lala-slave-labor Better the fascist than you subhuman communists!

aridara So it was never about freedom at all, eh? It was only about YOUR freedom - at the expense of everyone else. It was about POWER.

lala-slave-labor Americans first. Foreign scum never.

aridara I find it hilarious that you disbelieved my “40% of cops are domestic abusers, minimum”. You know, considering that you have the exact same mindset as an abuser.

lala-slave-labor Freedom is absolute. If I restrict the rights of one, freedom isn’t absolute. That means bigots get to stick around. But what’s so bad about bigotry?

aridara But by doing so, you are restricting the rights of the victims.

lala-slave-labor You seem hellbent on getting rid of it.

aridara Which means that freedom isn’t absolute. So are you.

lala-slave-labor Oh, it is. I don’t have to pick sides.

aridara Nope. You ARE picking a side, whether you want it or not.

lala-slave-labor “bigot is bein’ mean” okay have fun. “this foreign scum is musclin’ in on my turf” okay have fun.

aridara Letting bigotry spread is one side - one that harms the victims of bigotry and leads towards their rights being denied.

That isn’t “having fun”. That isn’t freedom. That’s AGAINST fredom. So, you must stop bigots.

But if you stop the bigots, then they lose their right to be bigots. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”.

So you must allow bigotry.

But if you allow bigotry, then the victims of bigotry end up losing their rights. And that goes against your concept of “freedom”. An infinite paradox, one that has only two solutions.

lala-slave-labor The victim needs to grow up. Compromise. As does the bigot.

aridara Nope. Compromise is not freedom, according to you.

lala-slave-labor I have no right to interfere in the affairs of others. Not like some godless heathen like you’d know about that.

aridara And letting bigotry spread directly leads to bigotry interfering with the affair of its victims. Not like some godless heathen like you would know about that. You only have two solutions. One is to give up your flawed ideal of “freedom”.

lala-slave-labor So what’s your real answer? Kill the bigots? They won’t stop being bigots. aridara Don’t change the argument.

lala-slave-labor That’d infringe on their right to life.

aridara Don’t change the argument. You only have two solutions. One is to give up your flawed ideal of “freedom”.

lala-slave-labor I don’t bend to the will of a terrorist.

aridara The other is to give up this existence.

lala-slave-labor Every coin has an edge. There’s a third path!

aridara It is not my will, nor the terrorist’s will. It simlpy IS. There is not.

lala-slave-labor If you loved freedom enough to even consider dyin’ for freedom, you’d know that!

aridara And yet, despite the fact that you loved freedom so much that you considered dying for it, not even you managed to find this “third path”. Because it doesn’t exist.

lala-slave-labor Because of a few assholes kill niggers? Or that trannies get bullied to death?

aridara Because letting bigotry spread leads to a LOT of assholes killing black people.

lala-slave-labor Life isn’t perfect. And it shouldn’t ever be.

aridara Then your idea of “freedom” is impossible.

lala-slave-labor The only solution that will please you is to genocide the bigots.

aridara No, it is not.

lala-slave-labor They won’t stop being bigots.

aridara And?

lala-slave-labor Bigots have no place in this world, right? Hell, not even in this universe, no?

aridara That’s what YOU think.

lala-slave-labor It’s the logical conclusion to your extremist ideology.

aridara Nope.

lala-slave-labor Said it so yourself. Bigots must be removed.

aridara Nope again.

lala-slave-labor Putting people into a corner gonna change them?

aridara Who said anything about change?

lala-slave-labor That violates their right to speech, of free expression.

aridara And their bigotry violates their victims’ right to speech. Your point?

lala-slave-labor How?

aridara Just like your ideal of “freedom” cannot exist,

lala-slave-labor Why? Because of a few assholes?

aridara your idea of what MY beliefs are… doesn’t actually exist. You just delude yourself into rejecting reality.

lala-slave-labor What does Karl Marx mean to you?

aridara That is how you manage to claim that you are defending freedom for everyone, while simultaneously admitting that your beliefs cause entire groups of people to lose THEIR freedom.

lala-slave-labor Who says they’ve lost their freedom? Someone with 0?

aridara Because you delude yourself into ignoring reality and how it contradicts your beliefs. See, you aren’t even responding to my words anymore. You just rant about whatever you wanted to rant before.

lala-slave-labor No.

aridara Because you ignore anything that hurts your feelings.

lala-slave-labor I was in middle of something else that required my attention.

aridara This conversation is pointless. Farewell.

lala-slave-labor  could not send It’s pointless? Because you can’t convince a wet paper bag?

[beerlovinggemini-blog]

Starting Over

I suppose since I’m starting a new tumblr page I should introduce myself... 

My name is Brittany. I’m 28 years old and I live in a little podunk town in Indiana. I am a bonus mom to two incredible little girls. My heart belongs to their father, Tim, who undoubtedly is my soul mate (1,000,000%). I’m a beer loving Gemini who likes concerts, Chicago Cubs baseball, and video games. I love all food and summer is my favorite season. I absolutely LOVE making people laugh and I’ve got a handful of tattoos displayed on various parts of my body that mean the world to me. I love expressing myself through words so, if I’m happy, sad, mad, scared, nervous, etc. you’ll read about it here. So follow my daily posts if you choose. I can’t guarantee you’ll like them but maybe they’ll help you out in some weird indirect way. 

If I have to be honest... this blog is going to contain a lot of lovey-dovey posts regarding my man so, if that isn’t something you want to consistently read about then I suggest moving on elsewhere. I love being in love and I love sharing with the world how in love I am. Especially because I never thought I’d find my “prince charming.” Turns out he’s really just a good ole’ country boy who raises chickens, fixes everything on his own, cans his own food & preserves, and drives a truck. Did I mention he has a beard and he’s sexy as all get out? Oh! And he has tattoos... 

Wait.. oops... sorry, had to wipe up my drool. 

So anyway, I’m about to bust out with story time right meow so get your snacks and drinks because it’s gonna take me a little bit...

Alright, so, I always believed that at the age I’m at now I would be married, possibly starting my own family, and living in the stereotypical all American white picket fenced house. Boy was I wrong. I fell in love for the first time when I was in the 8th grade. I thought for sure we’d be together forever. We dated for a year before our relationship came to an unexpected end. By that I mean, my Grandma (she raised me) told me we couldn’t be together anymore because she found out I lost my virginity to him. Whoops! That relationship is still up in the air as to whether or not it would’ve lasted. I’m glad it didn’t but I’m still curious to know how long we would’ve been together had it not ended prematurely. Then I dated one guy from 10th grade until we graduated college. I also thought we’d be together forever but as we got older we just changed into two completely different people who wanted different things out of life. He wanted to live the city lifestyle and move away from family and friends to pursue his career in accounting. I cherish family and friends more than anything so that was my first sign that we probably wouldn’t last. Sure enough, I broke up with him and moved back home while he found someone new, got married, and moved to Indianapolis. 

Okay... so serious relationship #1 & #2 were epic fails. But you live and you learn, right?

On to relationship #3 --- This one was unexpected. That was a good thing because one piece of advice my grandmother always gave me was to never go looking for a relationship. She would always say that the good ones would come to me. The fact that I unexpectedly met him in a bar may or may not have been a sign that our relationship wouldn’t last forever either but hey, a lot of good people hang out in bars so I went with it. Actually, looking back on the whole scenario leading up to us dating, it all should’ve tipped me off but whatever, it is what it is. Again, I met future BF #3 in a bar. I was standing at the bar ordering shots with a friend and excitedly telling him about a concert I was going to the next night. There was either a live band playing in the bar that night or the music was just really loud. Either way, I was talking louder than normal so my friend could hear me. Future BF #3 was already drunk at this point and apparently didn’t like how loud I was being so, as politely as he could, he told me to “shut the fuck up because I can’t hear myself think.” CLASSY! I should’ve poured my drink on his head right then and there but I was poor then and I couldn’t afford to waste my drink... that I couldn’t afford, haha! I gave him a look and proceeded to walk away when I felt a death grip around my right arm. It was so strong the momentum of me walking the opposite direction made me spin around only to face the same idiot who, 30 seconds prior, gracefully told me to shut my trap. He began drunkenly apologizing and for whatever reason I let it slide. I’m not sure if it was because of his blue eyes, his beard, or his rugged good looks in general but something about him calmed me despite how rude he previously was. He bought me a drink and we talked for the rest of the night until he went home. The buffoon wasn’t even going to ask me for my number until I offered it. THEN, he didn’t even contact me for almost three weeks after the fact. If that wasn’t the second red flag I don’t know what was. To make an already long story shorter, we dated for 4.5 years. We moved in together after year one and he proposed to me on May 12, 2017. Our wedding was set for June 9th, 2018 but it never happened. Why? Because he was heartless. OR his heart was sooooo buried within him that it was impossible for him to express emotions or show any form of affection whatsoever. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a very lovable person. I love telling people I love them. I love hearing people tell me they love me. I love kissing and hugging and holding hands. I love small romantic gestures like random love notes and just because flowers. Typical woman shit. BF #3 DID NONE OF THESE THINGS. He never told me he loved me unless I said it first. He hated holding hands. It took years before he’d kiss me in front of his friends and family and even then he acted like it caused him physical pain whenever it happened. It got so bad that towards the end, in the comfort of our own private home, he would turn his head away when I’d lean in to kiss him. He actually had the nerve to ask me one time why I like kissing so much. SERIOUSLY? Being engaged to marry this man, I had some serious self-exploring to do. Could I live with that for the rest of my life? Definitely not. And it wasn’t like I just up and left him. Over the period of our relationship, I had expressed my sadness with him many times. He had plenty of opportunity to try harder... if he really loved me. He claimed he did yet it never bothered him how sad I was. If I cried about anything he would make me feel stupid for it. Sometimes, just to spend time with him, I go out into the garage when he’d be working on something. In an effort to try and learn about the things he was interested in I’d ask him to teach me about engines or whatever it was he was working on. Instead of it being an actual learning experience, it always turned out to be him belittling me because things he thought I should already know (as if they were common sense) I didn’t know and that would just wear his patience thin. Not that it wasn’t thin already. Someone who loves you just doesn’t do that to you. I was constantly walking around him as if I were on eggshells because I never wanted to upset him, or make him say things to me that would make me hate myself or feel terrible about myself. My self-esteem was at an all time low with him. Finally, one day, I woke up. I told him I wasn’t happy anymore and I wanted to go stay with my grandma for a little while to think about things. In that process, I started a new job. At that new job is where I met future boyfriend #4... aka: soul mate.

Soooo... I’d be lying if I said BF#4 didn’t help get me over the final hurdle of officially breaking it off with BF #3. He was going through marital problems himself and at first we relied on one another to vent. We kind of were going through the same thing so it was nice to have someone to talk to when it seemed like there was no one else. It didn’t hurt that he was gorgeous either ;) After a little bit of time it was plain to see that there was something special between us. He made me feel like no other man in my life had ever made me feel. We genuinely belly laughed together. We genuinely cared about the others feelings and where abouts. He looked at me like I had never been looked at before. And his eyes had such a kindness to them. It was hard not to fall in love with his eyes. We quickly realized that we were falling for each other and we had to decide if we really wanted to start a relationship together or not. At one point in time he tried ending whatever we were thinking maybe his marriage had one last thread of hope for lasting. Needless to say, I woke up 8 hours later with messages on my phone from him so even he couldn’t deny that there was an unbreakable bond between the two of us. At that moment we decided to take a leap of faith with one another. I told BF #3 it was officially over and future BF #4′s (then) wife moved out and filed for divorce. I think about six weeks later BF #4 gave me a house key and asked me to move in. He told me he loved me first about two weeks before that. To an outsider, our relationship moved at lightening speed and I’d be lying again if I said we didn’t think it was moving quickly ourselves but we weren’t scared of it. We took it on full force and have been moving along with it ever since. He is 3000% opposite of BF #3. He holds my hand EVERYWHERE. He wraps his arms around me while I’m standing at the sink washing dishes or cook dinner at the stove. He makes me coffee every morning while I’m getting ready for work. He bought me Old Style when baseball season started because he knew it was a personal tradition of mine to drink one while watching the Chicago Cubs home opening game. He pays attention to little details, like when I run out of my favorite wine/beer because he’ll buy me more every time. He tells me he loves me every day, multiple times a day. He also throws in daily compliments about how beautiful I am or how happy I make him. He never denies my kisses. Sometimes I think I don’t give him enough of them because we kiss so often. He texts me in the middle of the day to ask me how everything is going. He kisses my forehead. He does things with me even if it may not be something he’s totally into. He laughs with me. He believes in me. He makes me want to be a better woman. He’s made me the mother I always wanted to be. Maybe not the traditional way but that’s completely okay with me. He inspires me. He motivates me. He dances with me in the kitchen while he’s making me dinner (which he does almost every night). He helps me with household chores. He teaches me new things WITHOUT belittling me and making me feel stupid. He’s patient with me. He helps me and I help him. We are a perfect team. When/If we disagree we talk it out. We don’t throw fits and go days without speaking. He recognized that communication wasn’t his strong suit in his last relationship and he’s made it a point to focus on that skill with me and I’d say he’s phenomenal about it. We never go to bed mad at one another, that’s for sure. We joke together. We simply have fun together. He’s the hardest working man I know. He’s smart, funny, caring, loyal, trustworthy, and so on... there are millions of ways to describe him. Overall, he’s nothing short of amazing. I ask myself every morning when I wake up what I did to deserve him. 

Deep down I always knew I deserved a love like this. The last relationship I was in slightly blinded me of that but I was able to find my way back and I was lucky enough to meet the man who I undoubtedly, with my whole heart call my soul mate. It’s been a short but exciting road with him so far and like they say, “when you know, you just know.”

I definitely know. 

[bi-dazai]

Also I might just write something General on how to deal with internet stuff like this. Because it’s happened to me multiple times, particularly on this site, and I can say that after over four years on here there’s a way of dealing with drama that I only finally really understood a few months ago.

1. Don’t use buzzwords. Don’t use inflammatory language. Tag your drama posts with something that your followers can block and tell your followers about the tag.

2. If you find yourself typing out the same response for the tenth time, then it’s time to start deleting anons and stop replying. You’ve said what needs to be said. Focus on responding to new arguments, or just take a step outside and go for a walk.

3. Do actually consider their argument. Consider from their perspective. Be understanding. You’re dealing with real people - that’s an actual human being with feelings behind the multiple “fuck you’s” and “liberal cucks”. Not everyone has had the same upbringing and experiences you have.

4. Look into their arguments, then look into blogs and responses that offer the opposite perspective or aim to disprove the arguments. Consider the reliability, accuracy, etc, of each side, then respond thus.

5. It’s okay to agree. If you’ve taken steps 3 and 4 and found that, hey, your perspective has shifted in a few aspects, that’s okay! Tell them you agree in those aspects! This is called a civilised debate.

6. If you don’t agree with anything, or you still want to rebut some of their points, then offer good sources of disprovals of their arguments. Avoid tumblr blogs, Wikipedia, any content from places such as Mic.com, breitbart, buzzfeed, youtubers, etc. These offer opinionated views, and no matter how accurate and evidential their actual content may be, they do have reputations that can shut down the credibility of their words pretty damn easily.

7. You actually don’t even need to respond. Even if all the world is ganging up on a post you made, you’re quite welcome to ignore it, block the notifs of the post (that’s an xkit feature) and carry on your merry way.

8. If you choose no 7 be aware of respect. You can vent about what they’re doing, but dont tag it as anything, don’t name names and URLs, remember the handy //. You’ve chosen not to engage with them. So don’t.

9. If you’ve chosen to interact with them, then you have to know when to stop. If you find yourself constantly apologising and re-explaining, if it’s been 3 or more days and you’re still getting an onslaught, then stop. Make a post saying you’re done, then delete any messages about it that come into your inbox, stop responding. Do number 7 and 8.

10. know that this will all blow over fairly quickly as soon as you stop interacting with them. They thrive off your interaction. Along with this, they form their own side of the internet that’s separate from yours. Eventually they’ll fade out and you won’t ever interact with them again. True story - I’m on several TERF blogs callout lists (despite me being a minor and messaging them this to point it out they weren’t a fan of removing my name so). I legit don’t even remember their URLs. They’re on a different side of tumblr than me. As soon as I stopped reblogging their posts and by doing that encouraging them to enter my side again (since they had barged in first), they just faded out of my world.

11. DO NOT ENGAGE OR MAKE THE FOLLOWING POSTS: - “callout posts” - tagging certain people’s content as “receipts” - receipts always end up more popular than apologies and fosters an unforgiving culture - “doxxing” - dear god, do not expose stuff like that. That can destroy people’s lives. Yes, maybe they’re a racist shit. But if you find their employment info and you want to get them fired for shitty behaviour - fucking file a formal complaint, saying they’ve seriously damaged the reputation of the company/establishment/whatever. You think you might need more to get proper actin to be taken? Keep pressuring the place to do something and/or get some friends to also make complaints. Don’t organise an internet witchhunt. - while you shouldn’t be doing the above anyway, if you’re going to be an immoral crazed hate-machine, then ALWAYS CHECK WHETHER THE PERSON IS A MINOR. If you’re going to do these horrible things, at least don’t do them to minors. If you’ve seen a kid do something shitty and you find which school they go to, follow the advice given in the point above this one.

I’ll just add in some stuff about dealing with this emotionally as well.

1. Internet drama will affect you. It will make you depressed, it will make you miserable. It’s not stupid because it’s the internet - it’s perfectly reasonable to be depressed about coming home to find your blog invaded by 25 messages from people you’ve never met telling you you’re a horrible person for not supporting their worldview. Earlier this year when I started getting put on those TERF hit lists I genuinely began considering self-harm. What made it worse was the cultural idea that it was just petty internet drama, which made me feel even more awful because it made me think I was shallow. You aren’t. Dare i use the cursed phrase - your feelings are valid.

2. Replace the tab. By this I mean close the tab with the site/s with the drama on it. Replace that tab with, say, your favourite tv show. Or look for some events happening around you and see what you might be interested in. Play a flash game. Literally do anything else but engage in social media. The internet is diverse and huge - there are many other things to do. Sometimes your internet session just needs to be something else for a bit. You might need to take a break from a site for a bit, so use the time you would spend on that site on a different one. Again, not social media. All social media is cruel.

3. Know that it will blow over. It will end. People will forget. The internet is horrible because it starts drama, but it’s also great because it forget within a matter of days. After that short time you can go back to whatever you were doing.

4. Go outside. I know it sounds silly but. Please. Go for a walk and make yourself promise you won’t pull your phone out and check the internet during that walk. The internet world and the real world are two fairly separate entities and removing one to involve yourself fully in the other is good for the soul in times when you’re getting 400 messages a day telling you to kill yourself. There are dogs in the real world. Go pat ‘em.

5. If you took option 7 above, a good reason is that it isn’t worth it to engage. Often people will reblog a post of yours days later when it has barely any notes and write essays on why you’re wrong and because of that you’re a terrible person, despite them having to dig through piles and piles worth of posts within a certain tag (often which these people wouldn’t go to unless they were deliberately seeking out drama) to find yours, to which they’re now working themselves into a frenzy over. If this is happening to you then guess what? That shit is hilarious. It’s honestly pathetic, and it’s 90% of the drama you will get into. Finding the “haters” funny is good, because it grounds you. It gives you a sense of reason and place. Another thing to laugh at is if you keep restating your counter arguments yet the person/people you’re arguing with just keeps restating the point you’ve rebutted despite not rebutting your rebuttal. That’s also pathetic, and also desperate. Find humour in the situation to ground yourself.

6. Find other people who share your view. Let their views reassure you. You don’t have to agree blindly with everything they say, but it’s nice to know you aren’t alone.

Anyway. People were creating a storm over a post I made and I felt the urge to inform the world on how to deal with everyone in your notifs saying you’re a bad person.