#they make me physically sick /aff

[worm-on-my-way]

some fox squad hcs with varying levels of canon compliance

sabito asked tanjiro to say hi to giyuu for him if/when they meet again (would it confuse the fuck out of him yes)

tanjiro spent months trying to figure out how to make flower crowns the way that makomo used to, eventually he figured it out and makes them for his friends (every time he visits urokodaki he puts one on her grave)

giyuu is chaotic neutral

makomo has just so many little trinkets usually cool bugs or animal bones she finds in the forest, urokodaki still has a box filled with her collections

sabito carved his and giyuu’s initials into a tree

giyuu used to tuck his haori into his pants like in his original design (OLEASE HE LOOKED SO COOL LIKE THAT LET ME HAVE THIS)

not really fox squad but tsutako would have been a swiftie sorry not sorry

sabito has the dramatics of a high school theatre kid but the mind of a jock and its worrisome

makomo is a dry humor type of person but tanjiro never gets her jokes :/

all of the urokodaki’s students have a version of his haori as a gift (tanjiro is trying to convince giyuu to match with him just once please it would be so fun i promise)

sabito ate dirt as a kid

makomo died after sabito and he trained her when she was trying to break her boulder

giyuu’s reincarnation had a goth phase tbh modern au!giyuu would have a goth phase

[kaleaido]

Tacomic makes me SICK

Taco out of all people falling in love with who was meant to be her pawn. Falling for the one and only person that was truly there for her before losing her all over and dying out of that anguish makes me sick.

Microphone falling in love with someone that she wasn't meant to. Someone she was warned about, yet still staying until the bitter end because the truth is that she trusted taco enough to get in the way of her and the gun knowing she wouldn't hurt her but it all becoming too much for her to bear so she left makes me sick.

They make me sick someone save me

I hate them so much sometimes you have no idea /aff. not because I don't like the ship, but because I always find myself on the floor choking on my own tears if I think about them too much EUAHGHIM GOING VIOLENT!!!!! I PHYSICALLY CAN'T WAIT TO SEE II16 AND HOW IT'LL HANDLE THE TACOMIC ANGST. please begood pleasebegood please dont hurt me...

[ready-for-take-off]

Hello!! Do you happen to have any sick headcanons for ZB1? Only the members you’re more familiar with if that’s easier do you <3

So guess what... you're actually in luck because I recently started stanning ZB1 so I'm now familiar with all of them haha! Here is some of the stuff I have in my notes, and I tried to add caretaker hcs for each as well-

(Sorry to anyone who is waiting for the other requests I took, I just figured I'd answer ZB1-related-stuff first just because they're at the forefront of my mind currently. On that note, please don't hesitate to submit any ZB1 fic requests as well!)

Hanbin

-Gets the short end of the stick with pretty much every sickness there is -Sometimes has uncharacteristic emotional breakdowns when sick -I just know he has a collection of comfort objects -Probably gets stomach aches from stress -Has a wide variety of facial expressions and vocalizations whether he's the sickie or caretaker -Cute and fluffy as a caretaker, does everything he can to ensure members' health (including checking on them obsessively)

Jiwoong

-Gets awkward and just spaces out when sick -Would never allow himself to cry from pain but might tear up -Feels a sense of duty towards the members, almost like a dad -Snaps immediately into caring mode whenever he sees someone not feeling well, but respects their boundaries -Like I can see him just patting someone's back quietly while they cry

Zhang Hao -Chronic complainer- being sick annoys him more than anything -Low pain tolerance and tears up from anything -When something hurts his face will look like he's crying out in pain but he doesn't make a sound or makes a choked noise at best (very specific but I do see him make this kind of expression a lot) -Looks pathetic and tiny when throwing up -The members like to touch his tummy a lot because it's soft (as Gyuvin once said) -Which is a good thing because I can see him getting stomach aches often (attracting caretakers) -Preaches the importance of health to other people when they're sick -Insistent and blunt as a caretaker

Matthew

-Doesn't get sick too often, but when he does his whole routine gets thrown off (also with injuries) -It's weird when he's super sick because the room gets a lot quieter even if he truly does want to talk -Actively tries to calm down and do positive self-talk when panicking or nauseous (probably knows some breathing exercises) -Very open with issues, doesn't try to hide it -Can see him curling up in Jiwoong's arms whenever he gets a stomach ache -Can sometimes drop the most fire health advice -As a caretaker, he wants nothing more than for the sickie to feel better so he'd say cheesy cute things -(not necessarily a sick hc but) Tries to be a mediator whenever members disagree

Taerae

-To be honest, I don't have the tightest grasp on his personality :') -But I know he would be very cute when sick and his normally logical personality would go down -He'd just go into hiding until he feels better -Would just offer physical touch as a caretaker

Ricky

-Worries a lot about his image while sick (hates being vulnerable) -Probably won't see him sick often because he keeps to himself -Doesn't like to ask for help, brushes any concerned comments off -Would try to sleep it off -Gets an angry face when he doesn't feel well -Tends to overanalyze situations -(this is just me projecting but) I hc him as a hypochondriac and slight emetophobe (mainly out of fear of contagion) -Probably the most perceptive member- good listener and always knows what someone needs -Would not hesitate to take care of someone out of chivalry

Gyuvin

-If the sickness isn't too severe, he won't really notice or let it interfere with anything (usually the case) -Gets upset if sickness ruins group plans (there's evidence for this: when he missed a showcase he typed a page-long apology after it) -Throwing up always drains him of energy -Self-critical, feels guilty for wasting others' time -Loves to baby his members -Probably the most physically affectionate member (randomly hugs and touches) -Rubs his members' tummies (also evidence for this)

Gunwook

-He's said himself that he cries a lot -Hates to be alone when sick -Makes a cute pouty face to attract caretakers -Would absolutely love to have his tummy rubbed -Would pretend to be surprised if someone took good care of him but deep down he's not -As a caretaker, he'd be more likely to keep the sickie company than actually help them

Yujin

-Shy, doesn't want to be touched -When he gets sick it usually comes on super fast (no one will notice until he finally loses it) -I feel like he would get dizzy easily -Doesn't like throwing up because of other people's reactions (doesn't want to be seen as vulnerable) -Panics often for no reason, which makes him go dead quiet -Would secretly enjoy being the caretaker because it makes him feel mature I feel like with ZB1, theres a clear division in members who fit the sickie role vs the caretaker role just because they all have such prominent personalities. I'd say the sickies are Hao, Taerae, Gunwook, and Yujin, while the caretakers are Hanbin, Jiwoong, Matthew, Ricky, and Gyuvin. Let me know what you guys think about this! <3

[egokillr]

💭 I feel bad because I am feeling impatient. I know consciousness is the only reality and I've imagined a scene from my desired reality and told myself "this is reality" so I know. But I really really really want to experience physically right now. The 3d isn't anywhere close to good so I want to be in my dr physically so bad. I don't know where I am going wrong though. Is there something wrong with my beliefs? I don't know...

omg hi anon! i was just thinking abt this let me tell u what i was thinking

first of all, this is a normal feeling- there’s no shame in that! we all know by now that it helps to live in your DR, live in the end, etc but what if you genuinely have bad circumstances. it’s so fucking…. demeaning that people say just to ignore that stuff. i’ve heard before that if you don’t persist enough than you’re “ignorant” and like… come the fuck on. like that actually makes me mad because are u fucking serious? people can repeat their affs 1000 million times and still not get what they want sometimes… not to be discouraging bc this can be incredibly easy but it feels sm better to have validation instead of being torn down for “not persisting enough.” @bluegrapess had a really good post abt this from the mental health perspective and it had me thinking a lot abt this fr. i honestly believe in doing things in the 3d to make u happy just as much as in the 4d- at least while you’re getting started w loa. bc it’s like yeah you can sit in bed all day and do nothing and manifest, but we all do things to help ourselves in the 3d sometimes when needed- it’s all like interconnected. everything is a manifestation. but anyways, i just had to rant about this because it’s a genuine struggle that i want to pay attention to. like if you’re a person who’s sick or that has circumstances there can be a lot of factors. tend to your mental and physical health first. look for inner happiness- because it all comes from you. and if you have really bad circumstances and there’s any way you can help it in the 3d, do it. and also, you’re never EVER doing anything wrong until you say so because you’re the only judge of you! it always helps a lot to know that too :) i would recommend just making your own rules to simplify it and imagine for fun. try to be okay with being present but also be able to have fun with your imagination. maybe look at the 3d as temporary- it’s about to change anytime now! remember all manifestations are the same. you manifesting getting up to eat breakfast is the same as you manifesting 1000 dollars. and my last piece of advice is just to be easier on yourself. go slowly if you need to- there’s literally no rush, your manifestations are always gonna be there for you. good luck anon and lmk if you have any other questions c:

[skippyv20]

Our Prayer List🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s cat Merry.  Merry is lethargic and not eating.  She may have a toothache.  Our friend does not have the money until the end of the month to take her to the vet.  

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s family friend who had a stroke. His right side is paralyzed, but he has some sensation.  He is very down at this time.  He will now face new trials because of his condition.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s cousin.  She has 4 children and aggressive cancer, and now has organ failure.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend whose family is going through many things…and all while she is preparing for her daughter’s wedding.  This is a very stressful time for all.

Prayers and good thoughts to our friend recovering from surgery on her foot and is still not able to walk.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s brother who has had knee surgery but is in much pain.  He is restless and feeling depressed.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s family member who will be joining AA.  We pray for success. Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is feeling unloved.  We pray she feels the love we have for her from around the world.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s husband who had surgery today.  It was successful, now we pray for a quick recovery. Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s family.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s patient Sissa who has third-degree breast cancer.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is in financial despair.  She is really struggling as she has no one to turn to in real life.  She is out of work, and there are no jobs to be found.  All of her savings are almost gone and she is afraid she may lose her home.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is having surgery next week after a 4 year battle with chronic pain brought upon by a medical malpractice procedure.  She is very nervous.  She can’t even remember what it is like to live without pain daily.

Prayers and good thoughts for Brian.  He is doing well after surgery.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is appealing her disability payments claim, which was denied.  She is still waiting for that to end.  This is affecting her financially & physically with worsening migraines.  Her BIL had surgery and is recovering.  Her sister has been very stressed.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s husband who has not been well.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who has severe iron deficiency and the treatment is very harsh and makes her sick.  Her husband has been unfaithful during her illness and her family is ignoring me. She feels very alone.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s brother in Spain.   Prayers they work, and prayers for his partner.  His recovery is coming along slowly.   There is still concern about infection but doctors are keeping a close eye on it.  Our friend is very appreciative for the ongoing prayers for her beloved brother.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who suffered from sciatica.  The sciatica has resolved itself now, but she has 4 ruptured disks, 2 of which are torn. They have done a laser ablation of the nerves in her upper lumbar region which helped some. Also, she has had several epidurals in her lower lumbar & sacroilliac joints but that hasn't helped. She has an appointment with a neurosurgeon on the 14th.

Prayer and good thoughts for our friend’s newborn grandson who was admitted to the NICU yesterday with a Group B Strep infection.  Baby Elliott was intubated last night and placed on a ventilator.  Please pray for him, his parents, and his grandmother.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s beloved nephew, Norbert.  He is heartbroken after a breakup and is depressed.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is going through a very difficult time.  Her husband is divorcing her after 33 years. After the first hearing, the judge is having him give her so little that she will have no place she can afford to live, while he has already gotten himself a new house. She fears her attorney is firing her due to how emotional she is.  The day after the first hearing she had to go to the hospital for kidney failure, she has stage 4 heart failure, a tumor in her lung and leg. Please pray for judge to rule in her favour.

Prayers and good thoughts our friend’s brother in law. He has severe heart failure and he had colon cancer removed last nov.  He must get chemo to be put on heart life saving machine but heart is too weak for chemo. This is his 3rd week in the hospital and the prognosis is he might live a couple months. Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who has been battling depression long-term due to trauma and the resulting difficult circumstances.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s little boy who will be going through treatment for speech impediment.  We pray for his quick success.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s father who has been diagnosed with early stage dementia.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s son-in-law’s mother.   She has cancer in her spine, leg and lung.  She will be having surgery on her spine.     This woman raised 4 boys by herself, her now 23 year old son is  severely autistic and needs 24/7 care, which his mom has provided him his entire life.    She is only 64 years old, a wonderful person, warm, loving and very independent.  My heart breaks for her.  Please also pray for my son in law - he is in the Navy, fortunately stationed only a few hours from his mom.  He has power of attorney for his mom and his brother’s care - he has some very difficult and no doubt heart wrenching decisions to make.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s friend whom was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called Myelodysplastic Syndrome, or MDS is now in remission.  She is still doing chemo and is still waiting for the bone marrow transplant.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s daughter who is struggling.  She is in much pain mentally. We prayer for her family as well as they try desperately to help her.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is battling an undiagnosed mental illness which led to decisions with consequences.  Praying for her to stay strong in faith, for her family issues to be resolved.  Also, for her to be free of financial hardship.

Prayers and good thoughts for Baby James and his heart brother Matthew.  Also their heart brother Conrad

[thecomedies]

he makes me SICK. he makes me physically ILL /aff

[jackalhadrurusluvr]

everytime i successfully draw dune my heart flutters and palpitates and there is a growl that wishes to escape my throat. this feeling lasts for at least 30 minutes. im snarling and hissing and my pupils are wide and my nails ache to tear into something AHHHHHHH DUNE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ohhh i hate you i hate you i hate you. i hate you dune. i love you. i love you so much. if you were real and we met i would get into a physical altercation with you and be pleased when you beat me to a pulp. oh dune. oh dune. oh dune. i just. i just need to bite and tear your flesh dune. ohhhh ooohhhh ohh

hehehehe ^_^ he is so cute ^_^ eheheh ^_^ he is soooo cute ^_^ he is literally the most unpleasant person to be around ^_^

remembered today that dune has an absolutely fantastic memory and remembers everything he’s ever told and ^_^ (barely containing a gutteral scream) oooohh. he acts like he doesn’t care and he acts like he’s annoyed whenever anyone talks to him but he stores the info. he files it away and he remembers. he is the ultimate gift giver because he knows everything his partners like off the top of his head

he is soooo grouchy. sooo grumpy. i adore him. he’s such a freaking bitch. he’s so rude and unpleasant and everyone hates him. everyone hates him and that’s ok because he wants them to kind of. he wants to be rude and scary and make everyone avoid him. he is soooo ARGRHRGHRR

:(((((((((((( he was so happy as a kid. :(((((( he has dimples. :(((((( he still smiles like he used to (albeit sharper now) and when jackal sees it he recognizes it and suddenly they’re 7 years old together again :(((((((((((((((((((((( he used to be so energetic and outgoing and friendly :((((( he used to have strong morals and believed in doing what was right :((((((((((( :((( IM SO SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need to rip him apart

he has so many freckles everywhere. i never draw it but in a fic i wrote i said that jackal has always seen a boy picking a flower within them (like connect the dots style). it is a metaphor. or whatever it’s called. OOOHHHH IM SO SAD. flowers like that don’t just grow in the desert. but when dune was a boy. he was so innocent and pure hearted. he would’ve picked the flower if there was any. he would’ve given it to jackal

i’m sick. i’m sick. i’m sick to my stomach. dune i need to sink my teeth into you. he’s rude and awful but he’s still a neutral person. he doesn’t want to be evil. he hates who he’s become. but he will repay the fire he’s been dealt with even more of it. he’s too scared to do anything else

he’s become a monster in his eyes. he’s changed completely, for the worst, and if he went back in time and showed this self to when he was a boy, the boy would’ve been terrified. he’dve been so scared

but dune is still thoughtful. he can’t connect emotionally very well anymore so he shows his love through gifts and acts of service. he shows his love these ways all of the time. so often. every damn day

some dune moments from my fic (it’s like that old black hole on a03)

he wakes up from being literally almost stabbed to death and his immediate response is to call locust an asshole (it’s /aff but shhhh). the flinching at the tear. the wiping it away. dune you are soooo tortured

ok never mind i can’t keep looking thru it that fic. i can’t. i forgot how emotional everything makes me. i reread it a hundred times while working on it and so i got bored but now im not bored now reading it makes me feel like im gonna become pieces so many pieces a billion pieces

[bunnys-babies]

ELLE MY BELOVED !!!! congrats again on your milestone 💕 on all levels except physical, I am swinging over to your treehouse to give you a well-deserved smooch. you have no choice but to accept it 😽 moving on from the cringe 😬 ,, ur event !! i'm going with oikawa tooru (haikyuu). my mbti is intp + his is enfj apparently 😵‍💫 fave pastime would probably be cuddling + watching a film together?? just smth where we can both wind down and relax 🥰 UMM to get on my nerves he'd probably do pda bc he knows I'm shy ab that stuff (+ I blush suuuper easy so ... embarrassing 😐💀) & to get on his nerves I just act like I don't know him 😁 hope this is enough, my love 🌳🦍💕🦧🌳‼️

……… hello my beloved it has been so long 😭😭😭😭😭 PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS 🫶🫶🫶

Songs for the two of you <3

1. More - The Greeting Committee

2. Sea Sick - binki

3. 02:00 AM - Sarah Crean

4. What’s Your Pleasure? - Jessie Ware

5. Sit Next to Me - Foster The People

———

Relationship HC’s <3

Sorry but you would have to be probably one of the most insufferable couples of all time /j HEHEHEHEHE (not really ily 😽)

But the way you guys would start out teasing sooo cute, doesn’t matter if you’re in public because it’s Tooru, so of course he’ll find some way to tease you n bug you just a little

Until you’ve had enough and bite back, and next thing you know you’re both full blown bullying each other and bickering while everyone else around you puts up with it </3

Tooru 100% tugs on the hairs at the nape of your neck to piss you off

SORRY BUT HE DOES

He finds it so cute when you get upset plus he totally has twerp energy to me idc

But he is also so so so soft with you

Even if he likes to tease, his hands always find a way to touch you and caress you softly no matter the situation

Hands resting on your hips or caressing your face while you kiss, pinky finger interlocked with yours while you’re out watching a movie, fingers messing with yours while either of you tell an intriguing story, etc.

He’s just such a tender lover and can’t help but always touch you soft and keep you close :(!

He is also the biggest brat when you ignore him

It’s silly and funny and cute for .000284929 seconds before he’s had enough and gets an attitude and a little whiny and tries pushing your buttons in various ways to get your attention back on him

But you have to give him so much love after cause he will overthink and get a little sad if it goes on for too long <///3

You guys have so many inside jokes it pisses other people off LOL

Until someone points out how kind of sickeningly cute it is n then you’re both 😕 and put that shit on hold in public for a little while 😭

Extremely considerate and aware of your social battery and how you’re being treated by his company always

He isn’t one to let the company he keeps make you uncomfortable in any way and will say something in private to you and anyone else that needs to be talked to to make sure one, it doesn’t happen again, and two, you don’t feel guilty or embarrassed for him saying something

He’s also always checking in with you in little ways

Talking softer to you to see if you’re still having a good time

Bringing you into conversations and laughing alongside you to make sure you don’t feel left out

And the moment you let him know you’re ready to go home so is he 🤍 he might take a little time to say goodbye just because of the way he is and the way he wants to make sure he’s said goodbye to everyone, but he always wants to make it clear your feelings are a priority because they are <3!

And when I tell you I just know you guys had the most painful slow burn ever… good lord

He’s insecure and you can’t handle being up front and telling him you like him so!! God only knows how long it took one of you to be direct and honest /t

It was cute though and totally worth it when you finally had that first date and Tooru couldn’t hide the way he was smiling like a fool when he knew every time you dismissed his affectionate and playfully gooey remarks you didn’t actually mean it, you were just like him and almost didn’t know what to do with genuine romance 🤍

He’s so cute in the mornings it’s SICK

Calm and quiet and moves a little slow, runs his hands all over your torso and kisses the side of your face gentle before he asks how you slept

N it’s every morning, he’s this sweet and soft without fail every time he gets to wake up next to you and it’s not like he’s trying to make you feel tender and shy on purpose! He’s just a gentle and careful lover <3

———

I HOPE THIS SUFFICES AFTER SUCH A WAIT 😭😭😭😭 MWWWWAH BABY ILY

[existslikepristin]

In your own opinion which idol needs more smut?

Last time I got an ask like this I said Momoland. That's, uh, somewhere in my archives.

(Btw since this ask is specifically about smut, expect some NSFW talk.)

This time the question is for a single idol... That's rough. There are a ton of idols who need to be written IMO. But I'm gonna say

Kim "YR" "Katie" Yerim... AKA Yeri (of Red Velvet)

So one of my favorite things to do is put a spotlight on lesser-known idols, but I've got a bone to pick with Kpop smut writers. And that bone is: Why the fuck is Yeri (effectively) ignored in the context of Red Velvet smut?

To preface: The rest of Red Velvet is smut-worthy. They're hot/cute/pretty. They're talented. Etc. But proportionally, Yeri gets very little attention. Even Wendy, Red Velvet's official visual hole (which is not my personal opinion, it is LSM's marketing strategy, hashtagWendyIsHotAwareness) appears in more than twice as many M-rated fics as Yeri on AFF according to a simple tag search. From personal experience looking for Yeri smut, for a majority of those fics she appears in, she is cameo character to justify using her name to pad out the fic's tags. You get this to a certain degree with Joy as well, but the difference is less stark, and Joy is less often relegated to background character status. If you ask me, this disparity is a tyrannical injustice and here's a list of reasons why you should join the very real crusade that I will eventually probably start for Yeri to get more smut written about her.

1. Yeri is hot as fuck.

I don't know if you've noticed, but Yeri is hot as fuck, and that's a pretty good reason for you to write smut about her. Are the other members of RV hot? Yes. BUT... is Yeri hot? Yes. And you know she is. She is not only hot, but she has little to no reservation about proving it.

Surprise, mother fucker. Yeri has an ass. It may not always seem like it because she's top heavy, but she definitely has an ass.

Don't try to pretend you weren't already thinking about her god-like tits. Without even being obscenely large, they are capable of changing the center of gravity. Of your eyes. To make you look at them. Because she has boobs. Does your bias have boobs? Don't answer that. I didn't THINK SO. Haha, gottem.

She's got the Squirtle lip, implying she is a water type, implying she is constantly wet and/or a squirter and/or lactates probably. She puts out house fires while wearing sick shades.

As someone with half a foot fetish and an expert opinion, I can also confirm she has the cutest feet in Red Velvet and is in at least the top 5 overall for idols as a whole.

Of course, given how blisteringly hot Yeri is, there are many more physical characteristics that I could cover here, but Tumblr has an image limit and I already spent too long making the collages above while my rapokki gets cold.

2. Yeri cusses.

I love when idols swear in English and this is my list so you can fuck off you gosh damn cunt.

Seulgi is what we call a coward.

3. We stan a horny queen.

We've all seen the clips. "Hi, I'm Katy. Nice to meet you." and "Yeah, I like girls... GENERATION." These were clearly what we call in the biz a panty drop and a gay panic, respectively. Yeri loves porn, sleeps naked, and has at minimum depending on how you count sixteen confirmed kinks (including a foot fetish, voyeurism, degradation/humiliation, something about vampires, and many more). She is a pansexual (meaning sexual toward anyone, though she may also have sexual feelings for kitchenware), gender fluid, ethnodiversity-appreciating switch. With all of the above in mind, she is obviously willing to fuck anyone in any way and if you write about it, she will surely find/read/enjoy it. Also she would have the longest, thickest futa dick in Red Velvet, a fact which is not up for debate.

4. She's not a massive bitch.

Don't @ me, Irene stans. It's a joke and I am exaggerating. Every celebrity of every caliber is under a lot of interpersonal/social stress guaranteed to manifest at random intervals as behavior ranging from mildly to severely antisocial.

But no really, Yeri is a pretty normal person. For as much as you can be if you're an extremely successful idol and influencer, Yeri's kinda normal. She still fangirls over stuff, she regularly shows gratitude, and she's not afraid to be seen as a regular human being, illusion of idol perfection be damned. She actually exhibits more emotional diversity than your average can of grapes, which cannot be said about a looot of idols. Maybe you should write emotional fluff about her too. You can't spell fIuffery without using all the letter's in Yeri's name. And honestly, why would you even try? (In case you missed it, that was a capital i, and was extremely clever)

5. Yeri is a meme idol, and she's funnier than you.

Yeri is an effortless comedian. Seriously, you should appreciate that more. She tries really hard to make you laugh, and you swine don't seem to appreciate them pearls.

If you write like I do, the fact that she's so fucking hilarious is extremely helpful and inspiring.

So yeah.

Also, if you want an idol to write who just doesn't have like nearly enough smuts in an overall sense, write Yooa. I know this was a rant about Yeri, but Yooa is also cool and hot.

[iantoyawrites]

If you're still taking OTP Prompts: 10 for Chojuro and Gaara? <3 (canon preferably)

@nightingaleflow so happy to write this! It kept me happy while I stayed home sick yesterday and could write on my phone. I experimented with first-person POV so I hope you like. There's canon from Boruto and I don't think it's spoilery...it just let's you know who makes it to the end of the Chuunin Exams which is a pretty good leap the viewer can make anyway. If that's okay with you then here we go.

Unconditional

Wc: 1.5k

"Where did you find a magnetic jutsu user like that?" I asked the question though I already knew the answer. Gaara had written to me about discovering the boy years ago. It was more of a deflection to avoid any suspicion of the nature of our relationship to the other Kages.

I stole a glance at Lord Kazekage. His arms were folded and his expression was carefully guarded, as it normally was. His son had a good chance of winning the Chuunin Exams. I could not blame him for wanting his child to win, at the expense of his friend Naruto and his offspring. I could imagine what was running through his mind. I had felt the same way during Kagura's exam, and I'm not even his father.

If we were alone, I'd think about grabbing his hand under the table. Pull his hand into my lap. But even in those circumstances there was a good chance he'd brush me away. This was something he had to bear on his own. I understood completely.

Well, it seemed that I had a dog in this fight after all. I wanted Shinki to win. If not for me then for him. I knew how hard he worked to mold Shinki. He shared with me his fears and frustrations on our pillow in those rare moments I cherish.

It reminded me of the time he confessed his love for me. It's amazing how much he's overcome since then. How much he's lowered his walls for the sake of love. He told me how his love for Shinki was different, and wholly encompassing. It was obvious to me from the beginning he would be a remarkable, doting father. Shinki was incredibly lucky to be found by him. I wasn't a believer in destiny but I am now.

"There you are, Gaara. Kankuro said I might find you here."

Gaara opened those cool, calm ocean eyes at me, looking up from his seated position on the Kazekage mansion balcony. I must have caught him meditating.

"Yes. I needed air."

"I am preparing to leave. I hoped to see you again before I go." My first visit to Sunagakure went so well. I didn't enjoy the heat but I did enjoy the trouble that Gaara went through to be sure my first visit as Mizukage was well received. The hard work he put into the coordination did not go unnoticed.

His eyes were unreadable. I hoped he was as disappointed as I was at needing to leave, but I knew that was selfish. I just hoped he felt the same.

"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes fixed on me. I was unsure if I imagined it or not in the light of the moon, but his eyes looked wet. Surely I imagined it.

"Sorry…for what?"

"I've been so distant. I haven't meant to be. You came all this way."

"It's understandable. I know how busy you are."

"No, it's not that," he said. He stood and took several cautious steps towards me.

I waited to see if he would continue. It looked like he had something he wanted to say. I was captivated by how jaw-droppingly gorgeous he was, especially in the moonlight. I took a tentative step towards him, afraid he might spook.

He didn't.

"There's been something on my mind. I have something I want to tell you. But I don't know how."

"Take your time," I said reassuringly. "I'm listening, whatever it is."

"Lord Mizukage, no, Chojuro, I…"

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, inhaling the sweet floral scent of the desert flowers in the dry night air.

I took another step forward and placed my hands gently on his shoulders. He didn't back away, as he sometimes did. He assured me those times weren't personal, but he needed space. I tried to be mindful of his boundaries ever since, but I am a fairly physical person. It's how I show my affection.

When he opened his eyes they were trained on me with such open emotion. I was taken aback. And I was nervous too. What had shaken him so badly?

"I think I'm in love with you…and I'm terrified."

"Gaara," I gasped. I had not expected this confession, not now. I was content to continue as we were, as long as he needed. I knew how the mere mention of love made him defensive. Kankuro told me why. Someday I hoped he would tell me his history when he was ready.

There were tears in his eyes. His shoulders shook beneath my hands. I instinctively pulled him to me, hugging tightly. I can't imagine how hard it was for him to say this aloud. Of course I was delighted to hear the words, but not at the expense of his comfort. It hurt me to see him this way.

"I love you too. And I'm scared too."

"...I'm afraid I will hurt you. That you'll hurt me, and I'll retaliate. All the scars I have…I fear you'll open them all for me to feel the sting once more."

I touched his cheek with my hand, wiping an errant tear from under his eye. This display I knew was incredibly rare. It was a true testament for how he felt for me.

"I can't say that won't happen. It probably will, if I am to be honest. But in order to really experience love you have to be vulnerable and let yourself be hurt…or cared for. I think ultimately it's worth the risk, don't you think?"

"I suppose you're right." He took a quick glance around the balcony. "Let's go inside," he said. I think he knew there were prying eyes from his guards watching us for our safety. He closed the window curtains once inside in home.

"What I'm afraid of is one day I'll see you and you will have forgotten why you love me.That you'll forget why we do this." By this I meant our clandestine relationship, whatever it was blooming into between us. It seemed it had real substance, far more than I could have ever hoped for.

"I worry about that too."

"Maybe we should stop worrying for a moment. I came to say goodbye for now." I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him close. The scent of his hair wash was dragging me in. I nuzzled my face against his neck. I smiled against his skin when I heard him groan at the tickle of my beard on his neck. He tilted his head to the side, letting me continue more easily. I loved how he responded to the graze of my teeth on his skin. He shivered against me.

"I hate it when you leave," he rasped. 

"I know. I do too."

It was a month later when I received an email from an anonymous address. I nearly deleted it but then noticed the way it was addressed to me. Gaara would start our hand-written letters in a similar fashion, so I opened it, hopeful, desperate to hear from him.

Dear M,

I'm completely in over my head. I found a boy and I've adopted him. He reminds me of me in so many ways.

I re-read the first few lines a few times, being sure I understood. A child? Was this really from Gaara? It was definitely possible. 

I kept reading.

He has been wronged by the people in his life and I hope to show him that unconditional love is possible. I hope to be a good father to him. Thank you for teaching me how to let love in. Had this encounter with the boy (his name is Shinki) happened before I'm not sure what I would have done.

My heart ached to hear the doubt I imagined in Gaara's voice as I read his writing. I knew he would without hesitation do the same thing, with or without my influence.

I hope you are able to meet him soon. I think you'll like him.

I love you.

A kanji symbol for love was the signature line. It made my heart swell. How lucky I was to have earned the Kazekage's affections, finally, after all the years I pined for him.

I answered the email quickly, telling him how excited I was for him and how I felt for him in return.

I could feel the pride emanating from Gaara as Shinki literally flew into the sky, held aloft by stunning black sparkling wings.

"That's amazing!" Darui said in surprise, from the other side of Naruto who was equally transfixed on the battle before us.

"I've taught him everything I know," Gaara said calmly to the others sitting with us. He caught my eye for a moment before continuing to watch.

I smirked at him. "Everything?" I asked him quietly.

"Yes, though I had some help. A gentle nudge. A leap of faith." He smiled at me and my heart leapt into my throat. The effect he had on me is still akin to a chokehold, though certainly less violent.

"You better be talking about me," Kankuro grumbled.

Gaara laughed softly, light-hearted. I adored the wonderful rare sound.

[awhkacey]

How do I manifest out of a toxic family? And manifest my brother gets better so his seizures won’t make him act out aggressively to the point he tries to stab us? I’m truly tired and want my life to change, I’m sick of all this cycle and truly desperate and of need to surrender of something cause I’m scared to come home

hi bby. im so sorry you have to go that it’s a massive step wanting to change the environment you live in so im proud of you. It’s up to you if you want to affirm to live somewhere else or to manifest a healthier family. if you want me to whip up some affs i will. and dw about the 3D try n persist through it if you can, and don’t worry if you spiral a few times, it won’t delay your manifestations. And for your brother i would affirm that he gets the help he needs, is on medication, and mentally and physically stable now. If you need more advice i’ll be happy to help

[candyshua]

It’s A Long Way Home | Chapter 1

Pairing: Joshua x Minghao x Reader

Synopsis: It was dark, and then it was light. You're finally lucid. After 15 years of not being conscious, you wake up in a desolate and post-apocalyptic earth where infected flesh-eating beings roam the streets. Soon enveloped into a mysterious group of survivors, you consistently wonder who they are. But most importantly, who are you?

Genre: Heavy angst, some fluff here and there

Warnings: Gore, bad language, physical & verbal abuse

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: This is almost two years old, so it’s not amazing--but I really need to post a completed fic on here! Crossposted from AFF (my username on there is vernonie).

The first thing you can process is the overwhelming ache in your head. It's a high pressured pain, slightly blurring your hearing into a fuzzy calamity. Your eyes flutter open to a desolate planet, in the middle of a convenience store to be exact. Soon attacked by the blinding force of confusion, you wondered where you were. And then, the questions came flooding in at an alarming rate. You look down at your hands, and then your body. You were in a camouflage jacket, a pair of comfortable and stretchy jeans, along with combat boots. You had a plain black t-shirt on, and a necklace with various rings on it. You try to picture what you looked like in your head, until you realized that you couldn't.

You get up slowly, and stretch out your back for what feels like the first time in years. It rumbles with an unsettling crack, as you search the store for a mirror. You reasoned that the bathroom had a mirror, so you opened the door quietly, knowing that it was best to keep quiet. It was a small room, with a toilet that looked old and rusty, with walls covered in moss and vines. The floor was covered in dirt and dried up blood. The mirror was dirty, but you could still make out your reflection. Your face was plain, only your neck and face showing through the mess of clothes you bore. Your ears were hidden behind your shoulder length hair, your eyes innocent and wide. You furrowed your eyebrows and leaned toward the mirror more, trying to study every single feature you encapsulated.

Once you had a clear image of you in your head, you walked out of the bathroom as quietly as possible. Soon, your stomach rumbled with an unfamiliar emptiness in it. You felt the desire to consume something, which only further baffled you. Who were you? The question stumped you incredulously. You remembered absolutely nothing, except your name, age, sex, and how to think and speak. You knew how to act like a civilized human being, you knew how to speak and think in the English language, but any recollection of what your personality or past consisted of faltered.

Not knowing how to react, you merely look around the store for some food and water. You knew that other people should be around, and that you'd go and pay for your items after you've collected them. But, the lack of humans made that seem quite odd, so you took whatever food and water you could find, and stuffed it into grocery bags you found behind the counter. But then, you found a backpack behind the counter as well, with a water bottle in its pocket and fresh supplies stacked in it. It seemed very convenient, but you didn't think twice of it. You stuffed the food and water in whatever vacant slots there were in the bag, until your hand fell on something cold.

Your fingers clasped around the metal object, and you pulled it out only to look at a gun. You knew what a gun was, and what it could do, but how to use it completely stumped you. There were so many things you didn't know, which only frustrated you. You had no idea what to do or where to go, hell, you didn't know who you were. An anxious pit settled deep in your stomach, as you were coated in a thick worry. Soon, you saw a male human walking outside. He walked quite oddly, with a limp in each step. Your face lit up at the sign of another living thing. You put your backpack on (with your gun tucked in the bag, of course) and run outside. "Excuse me," You say, taking in the sound of your voice for what seemed like the first time, "can you help me?"

The creature turned around, and you were presented with a monster. Its flesh was rotting, rotten brown teeth uncovered by any form of lips. You soon thought of him as an it, while confusion only further kidnapped you from reality. It wore torn clothes, and its eyes were sunken, sullen in, and completely devoid of any color. The eyes were white, with little blood red lines at the edges. The thing started stumbling its way towards you, while you merely cocked your head to the side. Soon, it reached out at you and almost clawed your covered arm, until you backed away swiftly. You looked around for something to fight it with, but the city sidewalks and streets were lacking any form of protection. Now out of options, you decided to turn around and run. But then, you were faced with a pack of more of the flesh rotting species.

They were slow, and they walked oddly. Each step was a stumble, but their feet picked up pace when their eyes met yours. You knew that you couldn't take on 15 of these things, much less 1, so you bolted. You walked down the street of the city only to an intersection, making a left hand turn. You could hear a certain growl emit from the creatures, a throaty gargle which only chilled you to the bone. You needed to get out of the city, but to where? You didn't worry about that now. You just worried about leaving, perhaps hiding, so these creatures would no longer be a threat.

Your stamina surprised you, along with your speed. You knew what to do, but you never learned where to do it. Out of nowhere, you heard a scream. Gunshots soon rang out and reverberated through the city. You decided to follow the noise, feeling the instinct to help out the distressed. Soon, you were face to face with a group of humans, actual breathing humans, with guns and knives, fighting off these sick looking monsters. Yet, they were cornered, and the group of 7 (5 men and 2 women) fought the creatures relentlessly.

Suddenly, an urge overtook you. As if you were taught to do this, you ran up to one of those ugly gargling bastards and kicked its knee in, hearing a loud crunch when its bone broke. It fell to the ground, sliding on the road trying to reach you. You looked down, and then noticed you had a carrier around your waist, with a knife being held snugly in it.

You pulled the silver weapon out, and out of pure instinct, you stabbed the thing in the head. You then looked up to a pair of upturned brown eyes, and black hair that was tucked into a snug mullet. He was definitely a human. Yet, you got back up and fought off more of those creatures, relying purely on what your brain told you to do. You fought like an expert, you looked elegant while killing the monsters so speedily.

Each time you would stab their soft skulls, the punctured rotting flesh would overflow with ugly. brownish red blood. Your speed and intelligence sincerely outmatched those pathetic beings, but you did not know the root of your skills. Soon, the group joined you in killing the gargling things, until the crowd of them thinned out so they could escape. They started running, until the man you made eye contact with before looked behind at you, and uttered the words, "Come on!" So, you ran with them. And then you were stuffed in a large four row van, as a brown haired driver with soft doe eyes drove away, expertly maneuvering through the thickening crowd of monsters.

The first person to break the silence was a short and curvaceous woman, who eyed you suspiciously. "Who are you?" She asked, her eyes glaring at you intrusively.

"I'm Y/N." You said, surprised that you remembered your name. The word felt foreign on your tongue, like everything you said did. You felt like an alien, a pariah, and soon everybody in the van eyed you dangerously. "I am no threat, I promise." You continued, only speaking the truth. To be fair, you meant no harm to them.

"How do we know that? Where's your group?" Another woman piped up, who was taller and skinnier than the last one. She had remarkable green eyes, a small nose, and short, black hair. She was tan, and the woman folded her arms trying to be intimidating. You, however, did not feel an ounce of fear towards these humans.

"I-I don't have one. I don't know what happened, to be completely honest." You explained feebly.

"What do you mean by, 'what happened'?" The driver questioned, making eye contact with you through the mirror. You soon noticed you were out of the city, and driving much more slowly on the abandoned highway.

"As in, where the hell am I? I don't remember anything." You muttered, the confusion thick in your tone. The group looked to themselves exasperatedly, but the man with the mullet (who was tall and skinny, but his muscles were prominent) stared at you.

"Elaborate." Is all he said, and you didn't need to be told twice. He looked like the leader of these people, despite his young looking exterior.

"I woke up in a convenience store, and I swear on my life that I did not remember anything that happened. I had supplies, but I was relying on my instincts back there. Hell, I'm relying on them right now." You explained, the confusion you endured frustrating the hell out of you.

"That sounds like a load of bullshit." A tall man piped up. He had dark brown hair, and wide brown eyes. His nose was pointed, and his gaze was petrifying.

"Listen, I just saved your asses. Not only that, I am really fucking confused because I have no idea where I am! What the hell is this place?" You shouted, the man looking slightly taken aback.

"Then where'd you learn how to fight like that?" A different man asked. He looked young, and had brown shaggy hair. His innocent looking eyes bore right into yours, and although his question was threatening, his tone was soft.

"I have no fucking idea," You explained, "I have no clue what those things we just fought were, or where the hell all the people are. Could somebody help me out here?"

"Those things you just fought were the infected. They bite you, you're done for. You turn into one of them. This sickness broke out, and turned people into flesh eating monsters. About 95% of the population was wiped out. Got it?" The man who you presumed to be the leader explained.

"Can you just stop the car? Let me get out, and leave you alone now. Sorry for being a burden to you, but I do not plan on hurting any of you." You plead.

"No can do. We have no idea if you're lying or not, and if your group is coming to find you. So, we're going to wait a while and see." The driver rasped, and you bit your lip. You felt the urge to...cry? You wanted to cry because you were so angry and confused, and you didn't like or trust these people. Not even that, you just saved their lives!

Everybody looked at you, expecting you to scream or cry. Instead, you merely asked, "What are your guys' names, then?"

The skinny man with the mullet stated, "Minghao."

"Hansol." Said the soft boy with the soft eyes.

"Junhui." The tall, big eyed man who previously yelled at you mumbled.

"Cleo." The curvy woman pipped.

"Margo." The taller girl said.

"Joshua." The driver finally said, and you sighed, sinking into the seat of your car, fatigue finding its way to you.

-

"Get up." Minghao ordered, as your droopy eyelids ripped open to the cloudy day. You unbuckled your seat belt, and looked up to their "territory". It was a street in the suburbs, with a huge wall making the minuscule town submit to its large presence. Large watch towers where men and women with guns looked down at everybody, especially you, while they begrudgingly opened the gates.

They made you give them all of your weapons, coaxing you into submission. You hated that, especially around these folks whom you didn't trust. They led you to a garage of a rugged looking house, and merely shoved you into the cement room while you had time to yourself. You sighed profusely, running your fingers through your short hair. You tried desperately to remember something that happened to you before today, but nothing came to your avail. You were pissed beyond belief, and you wanted to cry, but you refused to let these people see you shed a tear.

As you spent more time by yourself, you got to know who you were. You were a stubborn, strong woman. You knew you were twenty, but that was about it. Soon, the door of the garage opened. You came face to face with Minghao, and you rolled your eyes without even thinking. Expecting to get yelled at, you hear a light scoff from his end. You furrow an eyebrow suspiciously, as he notions for you to go and sit. While walking over, he attempts to trip you and pin you down, but you respond instantaneously and swing your arm towards his face, finding your balance. He dodges you quickly, and a smug smile soon appears on his face. "I knew you could fight." He playfully plighted, which resulted in you crossing your arms and rolling your eyes again.

"I believe you." He said, observing that you weren't in the mood to play around. Soon, your face lit up. He bit his lip, sustaining a smile that wanted to creep onto his face.

"Really?" You asked exasperatedly, a look of relief settling on your face.

"No. I just wanted to see the look on your face when I said that. But, it was less devilish than I expected." He explained, which resulted in you throwing your head back in frustration.

"Oh my fucking god." You whispered to yourself, and Minghao couldn't contain his laughter. You glared at him heavily, and his smile soon halted.

"Sorry, there isn't much comedy these days. I'm here to just interview you, get to know you, and see where you could help in our little community." Minghao explained, and you just shut your eyes in pure frustration and confusion. But then, something flashed in your mind, something you've never seen before. And then, you were on the floor hyperventilating, holding your head which echoed with furious pain, as something came to your head. A powerful image.

A memory.

[jinkisbelly]

Bring Us Home - 15/15

Part 1 [x], Part 2 [x], Part 3 [x],  Part 4 [x] Part 5 [x] Part 6[x] Part 7 [x] Part 8 [x], Part 9 [x], Part 10 [x] Part 11 [x] Part 12 [x] Part 13 [x] Part 14 [x]… can also be read on aff [x]

W/c: 3.3k

Warning: Jonghyun goes to Jinki’s therapy session and they talk about heavy stuff having to do with his PTSD so fair warning

A/N: I began this story about 2 and a half years ago, in February 2016. A lot has happened between then and now, in my personal life, in the fandom. If you’ve read this from the very beginning, I promised to update this every Monday and I failed at that immensely, but I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has stuck around on here to read this story when I did get around to update, especially now. I know for some reading Jonghyun is difficult and it means a lot when someone reads one of my stories with him in it. The main part of this story is complete, but there will be an epilogue coming shortly. I feel a little sad that this is coming to an end with how long I've had it, working on it, but I'm happy and relieved as well that I got to finish something such as this.

Thanks again <3 

Three months later

Jinki looked up from making Gwiboon laugh when he hears the front door open. Jonghyun flashed a warm smile at him as he moved into the kitchen to put the groceries away. It was about fifteen minutes later he came to lean against the archway between the kitchen and living room, sweet smile on his face as he gazed at his family. When he stopped the few toys scattered around the room he pushed off the wall and began to pick them up to put them in the toy chest in the corner. Jinki shook Gwiboon’s little fists with a small smile before quietly saying, “I asked my Mom to watch Gwiboon for me if you’d like to go to my session tomorrow with me.”

Jonghyun stumbles a little as he tries to grab a toy at the words, taken off guard. After straightening, stuffed bear tight in his arms, he hesitantly asks, “You want me to go in with you?”

“You’re apart of this… my recovery.” Jinki eyes flutter as he takes a deep breath, slowly sitting up and letting Gwiboon down onto the floor. His head was hung low for a long while as he leans on his elbows on his thighs. Then he looked up through his fringe. “There are things you have to deal with just for staying with me and I’d like you there so she can explain things I can’t find the words for.”

“Of course I’d like to go.” Jonghyun looks between the toys in his arms and his husband before taking the few steps to dump them into the chest. As he walks past Gwiboon he runs a hand over her pigtails, before sitting next to Jinki. Nervously, he softly asks. “Can I hug you?”

The question is like a hammer to his chest, but he still smiles as he lifts his head, “Yeah.”

They fall back against the cushions of the couch, Jinki’s arm around him, lips pressing kisses into his hair as Gwiboon squeals about how her ball lights up when she hits it. “I love you.”

Jinki swallows thickly, holding back his tears just barely. “I love you too.”

----

“It’s really good to have you here today Jonghyun.” Dr. Ann sweetly said across from them. “Jinki and I have talked about inviting you for some time.”

He glanced over at his husband. Jinki looked so small and vulnerable on the other end of the couch, so far away it seemed. “Oh?”

“He thought it was a good next step.” Her eyes were warm and understanding as she turned her attention to Jinki. “Did you want to start like we always do?”

“With fears?” Jinki quietly asked, finally looking up at her. When she gently nodded he casted a slight look at Jonghyun. “If Jonghyun is okay with that.”

“Would you like to participate Jonghyun?”

“By, like, saying my fears too?” He unsurely asked.

“Precisely. Every session we start talking about what he’s afraid of, to get it out of the way.”

“I’d.. okay.” He smiled easily, “Don’t go from the routine for me.”

“Great! Jinki, why don’t you start?”

He took a ragged breath before flashing a smile. He turns a little towards Jonghyun, but his gaze falls lower than his eyes as if he can’t make himself look at him. “I’m afraid that one day I’ll wake up and you won’t be there anymore. When you take off your ring to shower, there’s always a lump in my throat and worry in my stomach. Like you’ll never put it back on.”

Jinki looks at Dr. Ann and when she smiled and gestured for him to continue he did. “When you take it off so the dumpling dough doesn’t get on it, I worry you’ll forget you’re supposed to wear it. It reminds me how much you leaving plagues y mind. I can’t-” Jinki sucks in a breath, “I can’t lose you.” He quickly wipes his cheeks, focusing on getting through his thought. “Sitting in that hospital bed, not knowing if I’d ever be the man you decided to marry ever again, the uncertainty of you staying in this relationship that I almost gave everything for I- every time you left I thought I’d never see you again.”

Jonghyun isn’t quite sure how to respond, to react. He wants to reach out, to comfort him, but the events of the week prior make him stop. After a moment he gathers his thoughts, “How do I paint a picture so clear as my feelings are for you that you understand, I meant my vows? For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. You almost died for me Jinki. I was my work, my program, my life you were protecting. I know your mind isn’t what it used to be, but you’re still Jinki. The safe, dependable, caring man I married. This ring will always return to my finger because you put it there in the first place.”

Once silence falls, Dr. Ann asks, “And, Jonghyun, what is something you’re afraid of?”

He took a deep breath, preparing to be completely honest as Jinki had been. He knew how vulnerable Jinki was being. “I’m afraid that one day it’ll be too much for him to handle and I won’t be able to ease his burden anymore, that my comfort won’t... Work as well on his troubles as it once had..”

“You’re afraid of feeling useless in helping him?”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Jonghyun softly admits.

“Have there been times you felt that way recently?”

Jonghyun glances at Jinki, who’s almost cowering behind the cushion he’s hugging in his lap. His cheeks a glistening with his tears, but he makes no move to wipe them away. “About a week ago I had taken Gwi out with me for my morning run. I didn’t tell him prior, hadn’t really thought about it. We were getting back into what life was beforehand.. Before everything… and because I hadn’t told him prior to it, him not having her there with him, the unknown of where she was… where I was. It triggered him. I returned to him having the worst panic attack I had witnessed before. The things I had read or what he told me they didn’t seem to work. I was watching the man I love battle himself for control and I couldn’t help him.”

Jinki swallows thickly, shifting in his seat when the attention is brought back to him. “How do you feel about that Jinki?”

“I feel it reinforces my worries, my fear of being harmful to my family.” He answers in a small voice.

“How so?”

“I hit him that morning.” He confesses. All his worry and guilt almost dripping from the tone of his voice. “He tried to comfort me physically, as he always had, and I lashed out. God, I can’t live with myself seeing that bruise on his eye. I shouldn't have ever hit him. My mental illness isn’t an excuse. I should have stopped myself.”

Dr. Ann turned to Jonghyun, pen tapping on her pad. “How did the incident affect how you see him?”

“I don’t view him as a danger to me or our child if that’s what your asking. He was in a flashback and I didn’t connect the dots quick enough that I shouldn’t have touched him.”

“Have you talked about the incident before today?’

Jinki shakes his head, “When I calmed down enough and I had Gwi in my arms, I couldn’t find the right words. How do you explain hitting your husband enough to make a bruise appear? The I’m sorry I whispered would never cut it. We never brought it back up. It hovered over us like a dark cloud.”

“Do either of you care to say anything else about it?”

With a tiny glance over at him, Jinki smiles. He turns, bringing his left leg up so he’s facing Jonghyun completely. “I guess I’ll go.”

“That's Great, Jinki.”

Jonghyun turns to face him completely, so open and ready for anything Jinki had to say to him. He smiles so sweet and reassuringly, it almost makes Jinki’s hands from shaking. “I guess, I want to start with how I’ve constantly been worried over you viewing me as scary. Sometimes I can’t control my behavior, it’s hard for me to grab onto reality, and I know people are afraid of what they don’t understand. Mental illness already has such a negative stigma, and I didn’t want you to hate me. I’m trying so hard to get this under any control and I don’t want to lose you... How I love you, our relationship together, to my illness.”

“I’m not scared of you Babe. I’m scared I can’t help you get this under control, any control.” Jonghyun fights the urge to reach out and take his hands. “This will forever be with you, but I want you to get to a place where you’re managing it. Somewhere that maybe you can not be so afraid of me leaving you because of it all.”

“I love you so much Baby and I don’t want one day I hurt you because my mind is fucked up.” Jinki’s brows furrow, sniffling harshly. “I hit you physically Jonghyun. You deserve to be angry. I can't forgive myself for that.”

Jonghyun scoots closer and gently rubs the back of Jinki’s hand with his finger. “You’re relatively new at this mentally ill thing Babe. From what I understand, it takes a long while to figure out a treatment that works. I should have told you I was leaving, should have remembered you need a routine. I’m not angry with you Babe. I’m sorry you feel so bad about it. I know you’d never hurt me on purpose.”

“I can hear the sound my hand made.” Jinki whispers, taking a shuddering breath. “Just ringing in my ears. Can see the mark even as it continues to heal.”

“It doesn't hurt Jinki.” Jonghyun smiled sweetly, “Will you touch it for me?”

Jinki pulls his hands back, shaking his head quickly. “I can't.”

“Trust me. Please touch it.” Jonghyun leaned a little closer, eyes sliding close, leaving himself open to Jinki. “I trust you.”

He felt Jinki moving closer until his shaking hand was lightly touching his cheekbone. Jinki let out a ragged breath of relief, causing Jonghyun so smile brightly. Carefully he reached up to take Jinki’s hand into his as he opened his eyes. He pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. “See? I'm not scared of you or your touch Babe.”  

Jonghyun gently cupped his cheek with his other hand, rubbing his thumb over Jinki’s cheeks to wipe his tears as the man smiled, relieved.  Not wanting to ruin the moment, Dr. Ann quietly closed her notebook and smiled sweetly. It wasn't a fix for everything, and there was a lot more they had to overcome to get a treatment plan that worked, but it was an improvement. That's all that mattered.

------

Jinki pressed a sweet kiss to Gwiboon’s head before turning to Jonghyun setting up a plate for his breakfast. The man beamed when he noticed his attention. “It’s a special day, so special pancakes.”

Bacon was made into eyebrows, whipped cream mouth, and more chocolate chips were piled together for the eyes. The nose was a strawberry cut in half. With a soft laugh, Jinki leaned in to kiss Jonghyun’s cheek. “Thank you. I feel so young again.”

“You’re welcome.” Jonghyun turned off the stove and untied his apron to hang it on the hook next to Jinki’s beside the fridge. After making sure Gwiboon was okay eating her cheerios he walked over to gently lean against Jinki’s back, hands moving down his chest, as he pressed a kiss to his cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Nervous,” Jinki responded after swallowing his bite of food and drinking some of his juice. “I keep thinking I’ll forget how to be a doctor.”

“You’re amazing at your job.” Jonghyun nuzzled into him gently. “Besides, I already told Taek that he’s not allowed to let you out of his sight until he’s sure you’ve got a handle on things.”

Jinki took a deep breath and turned his head a little to look at him. His eyes were soft as he whispered. “Thank you for always taking care of me.”

A gentle kiss was given to the tip of his nose before Jonghyun was slipping away unexpectedly. He came back with Jinki’s new cell phone. A model completely different than his old one. “I took the liberty of adding the routine to your calendar and added a little note of just today’s to your home page. That way you can see it quickly if need be.”

“Baby..” Jinki softly breathed out, fingers careful as they curled around the offered phone.

At his onslaught of emotions, Jonghyun was quick to hug him. Over the last few months, they had grown and learned together.  He caressed his hair as Jinki nuzzled his face into his chest. “I wanted you to have the best first day back that you could. I’ll be waiting for your call at lunchtime Babe.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Jonghyun chuckled sweetly as he pulled away. “Now finish your breakfast and head off to work. Gwi and I have a playdate with the giant stuffed bear her uncle Taemin just had to buy her.”

“Send me lots of pictures?”

“Of course.”

-----

His packed lunch was laid out in front of him. As he finished peeling his orange he pressed play on the video Jonghyun had sent him a few hours prior, one he hadn’t been able to read with how quick he had to work. As it loaded the thumbnail was a blurry Gwiboon tackling the giant teddy bear Taemin had gotten her for her 1st birthday a few months ago. He popped a slice of the orange into his mouth just as the video finished loading and began to play. Jonghyun’s sweet face was the first thing he saw, smiling a little as he spoke. “I was going to send you a few photos but she keeps moving while wrestling the bear they all came out blurry so.”

He shifted the camera so the little girl could be seen, laying flat on the bear's tummy wiggling as she tried to wrap her arms around it completely. “Hey Gwi, do you want to say Hi to Daddy?”

Her head popped up, pigtails swinging. “Daddy?”

“C’mere.” She wiggled off the bear and scrambled over, staring at the camera with wide eyes. “I’m going to send this to Daddy.”

“Oh.” Gwiboon pushed up and blew a kiss, chubby little hand flying toward the phone. “I wuv you, Daddy.”

She was quick to turn around and jump straight on the bear, body slamming it, causing Jonghyun to snort loudly. The camera was turned again so Jonghyun could be seen. “Have a good day, Baby. Talk to you at lunch.”

When the video ended it was then Jinki realized he was crying. He laughed quietly as he patted his cheeks before pushing the call button near Jonghyun’s name in his phone. It rang a few times before he picked up. “Hey, you~”

“Hi, Baby.”

“What’s wrong?” Jinki laughed at how quick Jonghyun could sense his tears.

“They’re good tears I promise. I watched your video I’m just really happy is all.”

Jonghyun sighed, relieved. “I’m so happy to hear you say that Babe.”

“It’s true.” Jinki bit his lip for a moment before continuing, “It’s starting to feel like our normal lives again and I’m really content with it.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Jonghyun hummed quietly, “Gwiboon went down for her nap after we went swimming in the bathtub. I filled up our bathtub and put on our suits and she got such a kick out of it. She went right down. She was too tired.”

“How dare take a bath without me.” He said, mocked offended.

“When we put Gwi down for the night, maybe you and I could.” He seemed unsure by his tone, as if nervous of suggesting.

“I’d like that a lot Baby.”

“I love you and I’m glad today is going well for you.” Jonghyun blew a kiss into the receiver. “I’ll see you when you get home Babe. Enjoy your lunch.”

“Bye Baby, Love you more.” The phone call clicked off and he slowly removed it from against his ear. He smiled, almost dazed, as he gazed at the screen softly. Happy. It felt like forever since he felt genuinely happy.

----

The door was locked. On the tiled edge around the bath were candles. The baby monitor was up on the sink along with their phones. The only light that was on was the one above Jonghyun’s vanity, far by the door.  There were bubbles filling around them. The water was warm but not as warm as the feeling of the other pressed against them. Jonghyun was between Jinki’s legs, turned over on his tummy with his chin resting upon the back of his hands he had on Jinki’s chest. Every so often Jinki would lift his hand from the water where he was gently running it over Jonghyun’s side, to push a strand of hair back that had fallen onto his forehead. “You’re really beautiful.”

“You’re one to talk Babe,” Jonghyun lifted his head in order to press a warm kiss to his lips. “Thank you for doing this with me.”

Jinki’s expression fell for a moment as he grew serious. “I know it’s been a long time. I’m sorry I stopped doing this with you.”

“Don’t be Babe.” Jonghyun bit his bottom lip for a moment. “I know it’s hard for you still to see the mark. I would have given you as much time as you needed if you had said no to this.”

He gently cupped Jonghyun’s cheek, sweetly kissing him. “I want things to go back to as normal as they can. We’ve focused on me, my health and returning to work, the routine. We have a good handle on that, don’t you think? It’s about time we focus on us. I feel like through all of this we’ve lost sight of who we are as a couple. Remember when I couldn’t keep my hands off you?”

“Vividly.” Shifting slightly, Jonghyun was able to run his hands through Jinki’s hair. “Just like with everything else, we’ll take it slow. Tonight means a whole lot to me. I missed being this close to you.”

After softly grabbing his chin Jinki kissed him sweetly with a small smile. “Me too Baby. Me too.”

Things, of course, were different, as they would be, but slowly others were falling into place. Getting back to what their life used to be was impossible to do completely. Jonghyun was a stay at home dad now, they made a routine every Sunday night before bed, and he had therapy once a month, which Jonghyun went to every other one. Medications had to be refilled every three months and he called from work a lot more than he used to. But, he still had Jonghyun and they had a beautiful Baby girl. Life was moving forward even with all the bumps, and that made him happy.

----

[chimwonshik]

House of Mirrors - Chapter 2; 2804w

Pairing: Chabean (side Wontaek)

Rating: Explicit

When Hakyeon meets Hongbin at a New Year party thrown by his best friend, he can’t believe his luck when the man wants to take him home. But Hongbin’s profession proves difficult to swallow and Hakyeon isn’t sure his principles can be swayed.

Note: This is a sequel/spinoff to House of Blossoms.

For the people who have read this before: ...Chapter 3 is finally incoming \o/

Also on AO3 / AFF.

The first day of work of the year is slow for the tailoring department and Hakyeon has spent most of the morning leaning on the counter. Before Christmas, their schedules had been packed with clients readying themselves for the holidays, and even though he’d been cursing their lack of organisation at the time, now he’d give anything to go back. At least it had had the hours flying by as he sweated over meeting his deadlines, instead of the crawl he’s now experiencing. In light of recent events, it’s bringing out an unpleasant side of him where his thoughts are caught in a loop and he’s even beginning to – dare he say it – mope.

It’s been two days since Taekwoon’s New Year party and there’s still some heavy air between them despite Taekwoon’s apologies. It isn’t that Hakyeon is still angry, because he honestly isn’t sure why he’d gotten so angry in the first place. An effect of the alcohol perhaps? Or maybe chagrin that he hadn’t figured out Hongbin’s occupation with just one glance? Or perhaps it was the crushing realisation that his morals were going to get in the way of a night spent with an extremely handsome, extremely charming stranger who knew exactly the kind of night he was looking for.

Hakyeon sighs and studies one of the posters of Wonshik adorning the walls. They’re multiplying like weeds, spreading from their department all throughout the store, and the man’s constant presence is something he really could do without.

It’s the photograph he often catches Taekwoon gazing longingly at when he’s behind the counter, where Wonshik wears a burgundy velvet bow tie accented flawlessly by his bleach blond hair and dark, double-breasted jacket with silk peaked lapels that Taekwoon had fitted personally. His gaze is sultry and inviting, following Hakyeon around the department all day every day, his lips touched by the faintest trace of mockery – though that last part is just his imagination.

Wonshik is the most difficult person he’s ever met – rude, proud, childish – but his best friend is helplessly in love with him and that means he’s had to put aside any prior, lingering differences to focus instead on Taekwoon’s happiness. He’s also had to grudgingly admit that Wonshik is just as disgustingly in love with Taekwoon in return, perhaps even more so. However, whatever the state of Hakyeon’s relationship with the impossible man, he can’t deny that he does cut a fine figure, and whenever he looks at his photographs, he can understand why he’d landed the job. He makes anyone who sees his photos believe it’s the suits he’s modelling that have given him his confidence and charisma – and sex appeal. And even though Hakyeon knows the truth of it, that he had years to perfect an alluring, tempting persona during his stint as a prostitute, he too finds himself falling for it most days.

But since the party, he hasn’t been able to conceal his scowl whenever he looks at them, because all of the qualities he’s exuding are almost a mirror image of Hongbin – only, minus the other man’s incredible smile that Hakyeon had swiftly come to discover had the ability to make him weak in the knees with just the flash of a dimple.

He hasn’t stopped thinking about him since which only adds to his displeasure. But perhaps he is angry at Taekwoon. Angry that he’d brought about their meeting and driven him to such behaviour – behaviour that’s worryingly reminiscent of Taekwoon following his first ever encounter with Wonshik.

But more than anger, it’s shame that’s beginning to haunt him instead, and not just because of the way he’d treated his friend. Remembering how he’d told Hongbin not to touch him, his tone of disgust echoing in surround sound inside his head, has him wincing as if in physical pain. It isn’t that he condemns Hongbin’s profession or the patrons (he had, after all, taken great enjoyment in hearing Hyuk and Taekwoon’s experiences), it’s just that he doesn’t like the idea of paying for something he could get easily enough along with a night on the town. And the thrill of the chase is – almost – his favourite part, so to sacrifice that, along with an arm and a leg in payment, just isn’t his idea of a delicious cup of tea.

He wants to apologise, but a bigger part of him would much prefer it if he never sees Hongbin again, and would rejoice if he manages to never even think of him. But come lunchtime, his attempts to stave off his regret become futile when Hyuk won’t stop babbling about him. Again.

“I still can’t believe you turned him down,” the younger man is saying, shaking his head as he bites into a muffin and showers his tray with crumbs.

“So you keep saying,” Hakyeon grumbles, trailing his spoon through his tepid bowl of soup with a repressed sigh. He’s just glad that Taekwoon is absent.

“It was going to be free,” Hyuk goes on, oblivious to his lack of enthusiasm.

He bites down on his tongue and holds it between his teeth. Hyuk has been saying that a lot too, which renders all of his arguments as to why he’d turned Hongbin down entirely void. Because he wasn’t going to pay for it. It was just going to be like any other one night stand: rough and wild and totally obscene, with no strings – or wallets – attached.

“He’s the most popular guy there for a reason, you know,” Hyuk says, wiggling his eyebrows. He’s fast approaching Hakyeon’s final straw.

“Is there anyone you haven’t had at that place?” he asks, not quite successful at keeping the bite from his voice, but Hyuk just grins.

“I’m getting there.”

Hakyeon snorts at his relentless, carefree attitude, wishing he could share it, but the hope is futile and his moping continues.

 * * *

 A few weeks later, Hakyeon has managed to all but erase Hongbin from memory, his shame as good as evaporated and his regret sealed in a bottle and stored away, ready to be uncorked on his next lonely evening.

“When Hongbin was here the other night—” Taekwoon starts, and the skin around Hakyeon’s eyes tightens as he stares across the countertop at him.

The New Year fiasco is now behind them and they’re at Wonshik’s place for dinner, just the two of them. Wonshik is out for a new photoshoot and won’t be back until the early hours, which Hakyeon takes as a bonus because it’s difficult to spend time with Taekwoon alone when Wonshik clings to him at every turn.

He’s still having trouble accepting it as Taekwoon’s apartment, so different it is from his previous place. The open space of the main living area feels cold and empty despite evidence of Taekwoon’s presence merging with Wonshik’s to make it his home, and he imagines it would be lonely whenever Wonshik spends the nights working. Perhaps that’s the reason Taekwoon had invited him over, offering to fold out the sofa bed so he could drink and not worry about the journey home.

“Did he ask after me?” Hakyeon interrupts and Taekwoon falters.

“No,” he replies after a moment of wary hesitation.

Of course he hadn’t. The list of people Hongbin had been with since he’d seen him would no doubt be impossible to count using his fingers and his toes.

“Then I don’t need to hear about him.” He doesn’t mean for it to sound so curt and Taekwoon’s lowered gaze has the heat of the forgotten shame rising in his cheeks.

He sighs. “I’m sorry. It’s just, he’s all Hyuk ever seems to talk about when I’m around and I’m sick of it.”

The corners of Taekwoon’s mouth twitch. “I think he’s trying to drive you crazy with it so you finally cave and go with him to book an appointment.”

“That’s not happening,” Hakyeon grumbles and Taekwoon shrugs.

“Hongbin doesn’t—” He catches himself before he goes any further with an apologetic grimace and is quick to change the subject to something that he’s clearly been dying to talk about since Hakyeon arrived. “It’s nearly mine and Wonshik’s one year anniversary. Since we met.”

Nearly a year. If Hakyeon had been asked where he thought Taekwoon would have been a year on from that day, he never would have guessed he’d be living with his ex-prostitute lover. “Have you got anything planned?”

Taekwoon pours himself another drink as he hums. “He’s keeping quiet. But knowing him, he’s probably called in some old work favours and booked the room we always use to use.”

“That’s romantic,” quips Hakyeon and Taekwoon laughs, but his mouth does that quiver that means he’s gone gooey inside and Hakyeon nearly rolls his eyes – though he’d be lying if he said he isn’t just a little bit envious.

Despite Hakyeon agreeing to stay the night, Taekwoon has work the next morning where Hakyeon doesn’t, so their drinking stays light and their night ends early. When he climbs into the sofa bed, he’s wary considering past experiences with them, but after falling asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, he later wonders why he was so hesitant considering Wonshik’s penchant for only the most luxurious items.

The morning brings a beam of sunlight lancing through a crack in the curtains and the sound of Taekwoon bustling about in the kitchen: the chink of a glass, the fridge slamming. Hakyeon rolls over, cracking his eyes open with the intention of asking Taekwoon to pour him a drink too, but the person in the kitchen isn’t Taekwoon, or even Wonshik. It’s Hongbin.

Hakyeon’s heart and stomach collide in shock, all the breath leaving his lungs. Is he dreaming?

Hongbin is leaning on the kitchen island with both elbows, sipping a glass of orange juice as he stares across the room with unfocused eyes, not yet noticing that Hakyeon is conscious. He isn’t wearing a shirt but from Hakyeon’s low vantage point, all he can see are his bare shoulders and sculpted collarbones glowing in the sunlight streaming through the section of window looking onto the kitchen.

Hakyeon hesitates for a moment before deciding there’s nothing for it. He throws back the covers and Hongbin’s eyes meet his as he rises, taking him back to New Years when their eyes had met across this very same room. His heart pounds with what he’s displeased to admit is anticipation mixed with a dose of nervous energy as he remembers the sorts of filthy promises Hongbin had breathed into his ear: begging, screaming, more. But it’s pierced by Hongbin’s guarded expression, his previous persona of glittering eyes and tempting smiles hidden from view.

From Hakyeon’s new perspective, something that isn’t hidden from view is a set of carefully maintained abs that pave the way down beneath the high kitchen counter, but Hongbin is watching so he can’t study them with too much detail.

As he steps towards the kitchen, he maintains eye contact as if he’s approaching a dangerous wild animal readying itself to pounce at his jugular. But then Hongbin’s gaze flickers upward the barest degree, a shadow of amusement falling about his lips, and Hakyeon colours, hurrying to smooth down his unruly hair.

“Good morning,” Hongbin greets, voice tinted with his laughter.

“When did you get here?” Hakyeon asks, his embarrassment causing him to sound much brusquer than he would have liked.

“Last night. I went out for some drinks with Wonshik and we were too drunk to drive home so I crashed here.”

“With Wonshik?” Hakyeon raises his eyebrows and Hongbin’s dimples flicker at his tone.

“I didn’t give him much of a choice. That’s the best way to deal with him.”

“Why deal with him at all?” Hakyeon wonders aloud and the sober, almost distasteful look that Hongbin throws at him prolongs the colour in his cheeks.

“He doesn’t mean it. He just doesn’t know how to say what he does mean.”

“If you say so.” Hakyeon bites his tongue at his sarcastic remark and in the seconds of silence that follow, he decides that he’s already embarrassed himself, so what’s a little bit more? He hurries to say what’s on his mind before he can hesitate. “About what I said the last time we met. That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry.”

Hongbin stares at him for an uncomfortable amount of time before realisation flickers in his blank eyes. “I’d already forgotten.”

A ball of irritation swirls in Hakyeon’s chest at that revelation.

“What was your name again?” Hongbin asks, and the irritation in Hakyeon’s chest ignites. Has he been stewing over what happened for no reason or is Hongbin doing it on purpose in an attempt to return the disrespect?

“Hakyeon,” he answers through gritted teeth.

“Hongbin. Though I suppose you remembered that.”

The arrogant glint shining in Hongbin’s eyes and the smirk playing about his lips has Hakyeon bristling, his blood pounding in his ears as his fingers curl into fists.

Taekwoon’s bedroom door swings open, saving him from supplying an answer, and he turns away from Hongbin in an attempt to hide his vexation.

“Good morning,” Taekwoon says as he shuffles into the kitchen, but as soon as he’s behind the island, his face contorts with disgust. “Hongbin! Put some clothes on!” he scolds and Hongbin replies with a sly grin.

As soon as he steps out from behind the counter, Hakyeon’s jaw drops and a swell of heat spreads from his toes all the way to the tips of his ears, because where he’d assumed Hongbin had stripped to his underwear, it turns out he isn’t wearing anything at all. He strides past with no embarrassment whatsoever – though Hakyeon is carrying enough for the both of them – and moves towards the lounge area.

“Wait, you slept on the sofa bed?” Hakyeon shrieks, forgetting about Hongbin’s lack of attire and spinning round. He now notices the rumpled covers on the other side of the bed.

“Of course I did. Where else did you think I slept?” Hongbin asks as he slides into a pair of snug boxer briefs that require about as much imagination as when he’d been without them.

"I hope you didn't sleep naked!"

"I always sleep naked," he answers, returning to the kitchen to whisper in Hakyeon’s ear, "You didn't seem to mind so much when you woke me up this morning with your hand around my cock."

Hakyeon splutters and Hongbin throws back his head with laughter.

"Relax! I'm just messing with you. You were a perfect gentleman."

Regardless of Hongbin’s claims, Hakyeon is quick to wash his hands as Taekwoon puts them all some bread in the toaster and he fights hard to keep from glancing at him. The image of his naked form is caught in his mind’s eye, and it doesn’t take long for Hakyeon to begin imagining how he might look nestled amongst the pillows of his own bed, his already impressive cock beginning to swell and harden as he teases himself with just the tip of a finger, waiting for Hakyeon to join him. He wonders how gentle the curve of his erection would be and how thick it might get and how it might look glistening with Hakyeon’s saliva as Hongbin thrusts between his lips.

The toast pops up and Hakyeon gasps, torn from his reverie. If he doesn’t change his train of thought soon his musings are going to become embarrassingly obvious. It just begs the question of what if he had woken up? What if he’d opened his eyes to find a very naked, very drunk Hongbin climbing into bed with him? If his daydream was any indication, he wouldn’t have hesitated to straddle him and have his way. He doesn’t think Hongbin would have objected. But what if he’d been woken up by Hongbin intending to have his way instead? With a barely suppressed groan, he realises he’s wishing that Hongbin had.

Taekwoon studies him as he passes him a plate and Hakyeon refuses to meet his gaze, knowing his friend is reading him like a book. He doesn’t want to know how Hongbin is reading him, doesn’t want to know which expression is on his face. The arrogant smirk? The frown of distaste? Whichever it is, the entire situation has been hurdle after hurdle and Hakyeon can’t wait for it to end. The lust he’d fallen prey to at the party has now multiplied threefold and is ready to consume him, but he’s sure he’s entirely blown his chances. The bottle of regret he’d sealed away hasn’t just uncorked, it’s smashed at his feet.

As soon as he sits at the island, he wolfs down his breakfast, not with hunger, but panic. He needs to get out of here.

[descendantofthesparrow]

The “Abandoned” House

The “Abandoned” House

A short story by me

Three friends sat in an abandoned house, all scrunched together to fight off the cold winter air, trading scary stories.

in the middle was a girl named China, she is the easiest to scare but loves scaring others.

The second girl is named Rose, she is quick to anger, and is always the one who went first in dangerous situations.

The only boy of the trio was Thomas, He is the most physically strong out of the three friends, and had a strong Scottish accent, and very protective of his friends.

The trio had been dared by one of their other friends to stay in the abandoned house in the western forest overnight, they obviously had accepted and had gathered all the things they needed, including a wireless heater.

“and as he opened the fridge, he found to his horror!” Rose was creepily illuminating her face with a flashlight, her two friends trying to hold in their laughter

“that there wasn’t any milk to pour in his cereal!! Ooooh~!” Thomas and China burst out laughing, Rose giggling along with them at the stupidity of the story.

“that was,” China snorted as she struggled to get out her words “the best scary story ever!” Thomas nodded along, unable to speak do to him not being able to breathe. Rose bowed giving exaggerated movements “thank you~! Thank you~! Okay, China your turn!”

China cleared her throat “okay, it was a dark and stormy night at-“ a large crash sounded from the kitchen behind the trio, the three stood up in an instant and look at each other all wondering what the noise was

“Okay, what the hell was that?” Rose was the first to break the silence, she quickly grabbed a flashlight and started to walk toward the supposedly empty kitchen when Thomas grabbed her arm stopping her.

“Ah dinnae ken But Ah dont think ye shood go in there lass,” Thomas said, “But if ye going in thaur alone Ah don’t think you’ll come back out.”

Rose raised her eyebrows in surprise and turned to China “is he serious?” she snapped her head back to Thomas “are you serious?”

Thomas nodded “Aye Right, mah gut is tellin me somethin' is wrong an' we shouldn't go in thaur.” Rose puffed out air and shook Thomas arm off and stomped her way to the kitchen, China behind her.

“Yer aff yer heid!” Thomas yelled after her, but as the two girls entered the Kitchen, the entryway they were camping out in all of a sudden felt as if it dropped 20 degrees, he stood there shivering, wondering why it felt colder than it was 2 seconds ago

He stood there for a few moments before he felt as if something was behind him, he froze in place, feeling something breath on his neck. Thomas then immediately decided that he'd rather be with the girls then be in the entryway alone

“NOPE!” Thomas bolted for the kitchen, surprising the girls who jumped when Thomas hightailed it into the room.

The trio stared at each other before China broke the silence, “what the heck was that?” she questioned Thomas, who stood in the middle of the kitchen for a few moments before answering her

“Th' entryway was Geein me the boak” he answered meekly, Rose snorted and turned to continue her search for the origin of the crash. China shrugged and glanced down at the floor below her, her eyes lighting up in surprise.

“yo I found the noise!” China picked up a large metal object, that had a long rubber handle, and had rusted over with age and had cobwebs all inside the interior. Rose and Thomas padded over and examined the object.

“Ewwww, a rusty old pot,” Rose sneered in disgust “put that thing down before you get sick or something” China, instead of just setting it down, decided to drop it, causing another large crash that sounded exactly like the first one, Rose and Thomas jumped at the unexpected sound and the two glared at China who was grinning like a bobcat.

Thomas rolled his eyes and turned to walk back to the living room “ok now 'at we found th' noise can we go bac-“ the door to the kitchen had all of a sudden slammed shut, causing Thomas to stop short, the girls yelping from fright hugged each other and the trio stared silently at the kitchen door, hearing footsteps just outside the door.

China broke the tense silence “well Thomas? Go check it out?!” He whipped around and stared at her in horror “Gonnae no’ dae that! Th' ghost will kill me!” Rose was about to snap at him before another crash sounded and the footsteps became more aggressive.

The trio, shaking from the scare, glanced at each other before wordlessly agreeing that staying in this creepy house wasn’t worth 50$, Rose  Launched herself forward and pushed herself through the door and bolted for the unlocked front door, her friends on her tail.

Rose slammed into the doors and tugged at the handles only to find that the door they had entered had been locked, “ it's locked!” she screeched to her friends, fear filling her voice.

“move! I'll get it!!” Thomas pushed passed her and tried to bust open the door, only it wouldn’t move. “crap it won't budge! What about the kitchen back door?” Rose tried to run there but China interrupted

“ I already tried that, its locked too.” Thomas started to slam his shoulder into the door trying to bust it down “Tommy stop that!!! You’re only gonna hurt yourself!!!” Thomas was about to snap at China before the trio was silenced by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs.

The Trio sunk to the floor and clutched onto each other, each whimpering in fear, tears streaming down their faces. A dark figure slunk closer, teasing the trio, its footsteps coming closer and closer. Before lunging at them, causing the trio to scream.

All of a sudden the figure dropped to the ground, laughing hysterically, the trio realizing that the laughter was familiar.

The dark figure stepped into the light to reveal the one who had dared them to go into the house.

“Joesph!?! You were the one making those noises?” Rose questioned him, he nodded and kept laughing, moving to unlock the door.

Thomas blinked in realization “Ye were th'a one who locked th' door!” he growled out, his anger rising along with the girls

“of course I was! My dads the groundskeeper remember?” Joseph laughed, clutching his stomach “I can't believe how well that worked!!! That was the best!!”

The trio looked at each other before smirking evilly, rose speaking first. “hey joe ya hungry?” he stopped his laughter for a second, staring at her in confusion.

“yeah a little, why?” Rose grinned with malice and cracked her knuckles.

“cause I got a knuckle sandwich all ready for you~” Joeseph gulped and bolted out the house, pleading for rose not to hurt him.

Thomas and China Laughed trailing after the two, and as they were walking China looked back at the house, stopping in fear when she saw a white figure, in the tallest window of the house, she blinked and it was gone.

“Hey Joeseph?” he stopped running from rose and turned to her, wondering what was wrong.

“yeah China?” she pointed the window and asked him a question that would shake China to the core

“which window is that?”

“oh it’s the only window in the house that you need a tall ladder to get to, why do you ask?”

China froze in fear, her voice wavering when she responded, “I just saw a faded white figure in that window.”

The three teens stared at her for a few moments, before looking at each other before Joesph spoke up

“well lets never come back here shall we?”

“yep!” the four teens bolted away from the house, hoping they would never have to return.

--the end--

this is a short story I made for my English class hope you guys like it!

[niigoki]

TWICE title: we’re a mess (let’s finish what we started) - Chapter 4 pairing: NaMo, MiMo, Saida, JeongMi, 2yeon, Chaeyu Read it on Ao3 or AFF

“If you want to heal, you need to start taking better care of yourself,” Miss Jea was a kind nurse who cared for the well-being of all students, so seeing Sana back at the Nurse’s Office so regularly made her eye the girl with a glint of concern. “It’s the third time this week, Minatozaki.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I’ll do better.” Sana replied automatically, eyes downcast. Miss Jea sighed as she finished wrapping Sana’s wrist with a new bandage – according to her, she had ‘accidentally forgotten about it as she took a bath’ and it got wet. Her wrist had started to hurt after that, so she decided to visit.

Sana seemed exhausted, and it wasn’t just because of assignments and homework, the nurse knew. She was well familiar with the dark circles under students’ eyes, but she’d learned how to differentiate a stressful college life from personal problems.

“This is not a lecture,” Miss Jea touched Sana’s shoulder, and the girl finally looked up at her. “Just a friendly advice.”

The corner of Sana’s lips turned up a little bit. “You’re all so kind.”

“And who is ‘all’?” The nurse smiled back, turning around to put the gauze back in the shelf.

“People in general, I guess.”

“I see,” She hummed. “You know, if you’re having problems, the school has professionals available to help for free, and at any time.”

“I know.”

“And you basically ignored what I just said.”

Sana blinked, and blushed a little. “N-no, I… I know. I will check it out.”

Miss Jea wasn’t convinced in the least, but let it go. “Stay here, I’ll make you some chamomile tea.”

“Huh?”

“It helps with the pain,” She winked, and Sana couldn’t do anything but nod. She watched as the nurse left her little room and then moved back to lie down on the bed. Sana stared at the ceiling, her eyes tired from crying earlier in the morning, and her chest heavy with guilt and other feelings. She was really conflicted – she wanted to be alone, but surrounded by people at the same time. All that she knew was that she didn’t want to be with her thoughts for long.

Miss Jea’s voice was muffled in the other room, but she’d started talking all of a sudden; someone else had probably arrived. Sana sighed softly, then closed her eyes. She heard steps approaching, then halting as soon as they got close enough.

“Sana?”

She sat up immediately, the voice shooting straight to her heart.

“Dahyunnie.”

The two stared at each other, awkwardly, then Miss Jea arrived with the tea. She looked at the scene and raised an eyebrow. “Is everything okay?”

Dahyun blushed, moving to sit on the bed next to Sana. “Y-yeah, I was just surprised to see her here.”

“Oh, you’re friends, then?” Miss Jea asked, giving Sana her cup, then shifting her attention to Dahyun. “That’s good. Stay here, I’ll get your medicine.”

“Are you sick?” Despite the intense feelings surrounding them, Sana couldn’t hide her concern.

“I just have a headache,” Dahyun answered, licking her dry lips. “How about you?”

Sana lifted her wrist. “Had to change my bandages. They got wet.”

“Did you swim with it?”

“No, silly,” Sana smiled a little, always enchanted by Dahyun’s innocence. “It got wet in the shower. It’s no big deal.”

“Oh. Right.” Dahyun returned the grin – she liked when Sana smiled. “The pool is closed, anyway.”

It didn’t make sense, the way they talked as if there wasn’t a crack in the floor threatening to swallow them both at any moment, but that was just how it was with some relationships – natural and warm. Sana’s eyes roamed Dahyun’s cute face and body, and the love she felt for the girl at that moment crawled up her throat and almost escaped to the outside world.

So she sipped her tea, averting her eyes.

“Are you missing class because of your headache?” Sana spoke after a quiet moment.

“No, they’re over for the day.”

“Oh,” Her heart started racing as her stupid feelings overruled everything else – her common sense and the walls she was trying to put up; everything disappeared whenever Dahyun was close to her. “So… you’re free for the rest of the afternoon?”

That surprised Dahyun; she thought that Sana was avoiding her. “Yes…?”

“Do you—” And her brain was screaming ‘stop, this is a bad idea, you’re destroying everything you’ve been trying to build’, but it was useless. “Do you want to hang out?”

Now Dahyun was confused. She had no idea what the hell was Sana’s deal; if she just wanted to mess with her some more, or if there was something she wanted to talk about in private, but it hurt either way. Dahyun was about to refuse, to make up some excuse to leave her, but she didn’t want to. Whatever was going on between the two of them started after that dumb party, and she needed to get to the bottom of things.

Besides, refusing Sana was an impossible task. It’d always been.

“I’d like that.” Dahyun answered finally, a familiar little smile making its way to her features.

“Okay.” Sana sighed internally.

“Okay.” Dahyun replied.

“Okay,” Miss Jea walked in and both girls jumped in their spot. The nurse laughed. “You kids need to lighten up. Here, take this.” She gave Dahyun her medicine and a cup of water. Once she was done drinking, Miss Jea clapped her hands once. “Alright, time for you to leave. Go, go.”

Sana finished her tea and they thanked Miss Jea, chuckling despite everything, then left the office. As soon as they were alone together again, Sana felt her cheeks burn – it was really impressive, the effect Dahyun had on her. No one else in the world made her feel like that by simply existing.

It would be beautiful, if it wasn’t so tragic.

“So… where do you wanna go?” Dahyun asked, scratching the back of her head.

Sana thought for a while, then came up with an idea.

“Follow me.” She started walking, and Dahyun just obeyed. Her gaze fell on Sana’s free hand and she sighed softly.

She wanted to hold it.

  --

   Momo loved to dance. It helped her forget the world for a brief moment, her senses numbing as her muscles tensed, allowing her to focus on just one thing: the music. Her silhouette in the mirror always looked powerful, concentrated, engaged; the sweat and messy hair had stopped bothering her a long time ago. It was a fast beat, so she didn’t really have the time to think about what her next move was going to be – she made up things as she went, adjusting the rough parts as she saw fit.

It could be a metaphor, she thought. She wished she could just dance through life and fix things as she went, without worrying too much about the outcome.

Momo’s sneakers slid through the floor noisily, her steps in perfect sync to the beat. That choreography was something she’d been trying to come up with for a while, but she was messing up the chorus. Her leg twisted and she fell, her weight echoing through the practice room. Momo sighed and got up, playing the song from the beginning.

Stepping back, she looked at her reflection in the eyes and was about to start over, when the studio’s glass door moved. She ignored it – Momo wasn’t the only dancer in campus after all – and moved her feet, pacing herself. The numbers appeared in her head as she counted the beat, the world once again vanishing. Then she messed up the chorus again.

“Try to use your right leg instead,” The person who had entered the room spoke up suddenly and Momo almost tripped. Her stare followed the sound and suddenly the illusion broke, bringing her back to reality.

Nayeon always seemed somewhat ethereal in Momo’s eyes; now, after what happened, she looked intangible too.

Momo swallowed dry. “I’d have to invert the whole chorus.”

“Then invert the whole chorus.” Nayeon smiled, but she was tired, Momo could tell.

“It’s not that simple.” Momo was breathing hard now, like the physical extortion had finally caught up to her body. “Muscle memory.”

“Try it once.”

Momo rolled her eyes, then turned back to the mirror. She didn’t want to think about anything else right now, so she tried the suggestion; it felt weird and her movements were crooked, but it was a lot better than what she’d been doing with her left leg. She stopped and looked back at Nayeon, who was grinning smugly.

“Wipe that grin off your face,” Momo said, grabbing her towel soaked in sweat and throwing it at her general direction. Nayeon yelped and got up, and Momo laughed.

There was an awkward silence after a while, Momo’s practice coming to a halt. She moved to grab her water bottle and drank almost all of it in one go. Nayeon watched with her hands behind her back.

This was weird.

“What are you doing here?” Momo asked after swallowing, not really looking at her.

“Recovering,” Nayeon answered. “I wanted to get my mind off things. Thought I’d dance for a bit. I didn’t know you were here.”

Momo blinked. “Oh. Feel free to pick a song,” She passed Nayeon her cellphone already set to her dancing playlist. When she grabbed it, their fingers brushed, and Momo wished her heart wouldn’t race like it did.

Nayeon chose a slower song, but with enough of a beat to dance to. Momo sat back down and watched the girl stretch, the lump in her throat still there.

The emotions inside her heart at that moment were confusing and contrasting with each other, making it really hard for her to pick a feeling. She wished she could feel simply angry or simply sad, without happiness and giddiness attached to them at the same time. It exhausted her.

Momo wondered which one of them would bring up the elephant in the room; she hated that she didn’t want to be the one.

The actress finally started moving, first her hips, then her shoulders; one step forward and one back, sliding a bit across the room. She tried to spin, but got caught in the middle, then placed her left foot back again. It was clear that she was struggling with her positions and even the timing, lost like an amateur – which she wasn’t. Her musicals were filled with choreographies, and Nayeon was used to memorizing dances for performances.

That’s when Momo realized that she wasn’t having problems with the dance in particular; she just didn’t know how to create a choreography from scratch. She never had.

Nayeon was moving so awkwardly that Momo let out a breathless laugh. She stopped. “Don’t mock me, I’m not used to this.”

“It’s apparent,” Momo smirked, getting up and walking up to her. “You need to spread your legs more, you’re losing balance like that.”

Nayeon wanted to make a joke about that sentence, but thought that it wasn’t the best time. She just followed Momo’s lead, her legs apart and her arms by her side, not knowing what to do. “Like this?”

Momo watched her, then suddenly placed a hand on her stomach. Nayeon froze, her heart shooting through her throat, but her face impassive as usual. “Straighten your back. Breathe in, hold it.”

“Yes, coach.” Nayeon replied with a tiny smile, doing what she was told. Momo stepped back, finally satisfied.

“Whenever you move, just try to place your whole foot on the ground,” She mimicked Nayeon’s posture, and moved one leg. Nayeon did the same by her side, following the slow instructions. “Yeah, like that.”

They practiced a few basic movements together, but Nayeon’s upper body was still crooked. Momo sighed playfully, now pressing a hand to the small of her back. “Stop curving your back.”

“It’s hard!”

“Practice makes perfect.”

“Fine,” Nayeon got in position again. “What do I do with my arms, then?”

Momo pondered for a bit, tilting her head to the side. She reached out and grabbed Nayeon’s arms from behind, pushing them forward.

Nayeon could feel the girl’s breath on the back of her neck and blinked repeatedly – the sweat forming on her skin definitely wasn’t because of the dance. “Never leave them swinging around. Try to create a routine with them, like pushing forward, putting them up, rotating them in some direction.”

“That’s looking more and more complicated with each passing minute.”

“I’m trying to help you not look like a fumbling preschooler, Nabongs.”

The way Momo said her nickname always got to her. She felt the weight of guilt spreading through her body once again, but tried her best to distract herself from it. Nayeon tried a few different poses for her arms, but nothing looked convincing enough. Momo laughed, still behind her, and reached for her elbows once again. Her touch sent a spark through Nayeon’s body – it was gentle and careful, like always.

Nayeon absolutely loved the way Momo touched her. She craved it, and hated herself for it.

“Up, and down,” Momo murmured lowly on her ear, guiding Nayeon’s movements. Her skin tingled and she wanted to press her back to Momo’s front, and feel the warmth of that girl who had so much love to give. “That’s good.”

Nayeon swallowed and turned around to face her. They were close, Momo finally realized. She was about to step back when, “Dance with me.”

Momo blinked. “Huh?”

“The song I was dancing to. Guide me.”

It was a terrible idea.

“Okay.”

Momo couldn’t fight it; she’d been lost in Nayeon’s gravity for way too long.

The beat started again and both girls faced each other; it was really hard to pretend everything was fine, but they had to. Nayeon and Momo had danced together before, more times than they could possibly count – they loved it.

Nayeon held Momo’s arms and they moved in sync, Momo guiding her steps; Nayeon was a good follower, always had been. They weren’t looking at each other’s eyes, Nayeon using the excuse of staring at Momo’s feet to check where she would step next. They were easy, simple movements that flowed well, like they usually did; for a moment, Nayeon enjoyed the feeling of being close.

At the chorus, Momo twirled Nayeon around so her arms enveloped her from behind. Nayeon couldn’t help but to let out a laugh, Momo joining her. Their hips moved together sensually, fitting together like they belonged, and Nayeon let her head fall back and closed her eyes, her cheek grazing the other girl’s. They moved like this for a while, comfortably, and none of them wanted to let the other go. Momo almost shifted her face to plant a small kiss on Nayeon’s cheek.

It was messy.

Her heart still hurt.

Momo touched her forehead on the back of Nayeon’s shoulder.

“Hmm?”

“The party yesterday.” Was all Momo murmured; it was funny, how she wanted to be holding Nayeon when the time for this conversation finally came.

“Oh,” Nayeon bit her lip – the fact that she was still alive even after biting her lips for so long was truly a mystery. She was sure the poison would’ve killed her by now. “I didn’t see you there.”

“Yeah… I figured.”

“But then again,” She was glad Momo was holding her, or else she wouldn’t be able to keep herself up after this. “I didn’t see anyone. I can’t remember a single thing that happened yesterday.”

Momo lifted her head up, stopping the dance completely. “What?”

“I blacked out,” I hate this. “My friends at the Drama Club threw me a celebration before the party. We had a drinking contest, and I don’t know what happened after that.” I hate this.

“So you… don’t remember anything?”

“Pathetic, right?” Nayeon chuckled, wriggling herself out of Momo’s hold. She didn’t deserve to be in her arms. “I woke up in Jeongyeon’s room. She told me she took care of me the whole night. She mentioned something about me grabbing the microphone and yelling at everyone. Honestly, I’m glad I can’t recall this part.”

Momo was stunned. If Nayeon didn’t even remember that, she surely didn’t recall the kiss. Unless Jeongyeon told her about it.

“Did… did Jeong tell you anything else?”

“Just that she looked after me,” Nayeon could basically see the gears moving inside Momo’s head; she was wondering if Jeongyeon had told her about the kiss. “But nothing more.”

“Oh, okay.” A lot of different emotions crossed Momo’s face: confusion, relief, guilt, anger. She couldn’t believe that Jeongyeon had lied to Nayeon like this, it didn’t make her style. It was something important, it was her ex-girlfriend. Momo was angry. Extremely so.

But she was also a hypocrite.

Because she wasn’t going to tell Nayeon either.

“Is everything okay?” Nayeon asked, frowning.

“Y-yeah. Yeah.” Momo needed to get out of that room. “I think I’m all danced out. I’ll go take a shower.”

“Alright,” Nayeon nodded, forcing a smile. “Thank you for the lesson, Moguri.”

I don’t deserve to call her that.

“No problem.” Momo grabbed her bag, barely looking at her. “See you.”

She left in a hurry and Nayeon finally allowed herself to breathe, touching her back on the nearest wall. Her lies were getting worse, and the way her body dealt with them too. She felt like she was about to pass out at any moment, but bit her lip until it bled; it kept her awake. Nayeon’s breathing quickened and it felt a lot like hyperventilation. She slid down to the floor and put a hand on her chest, closing her eyes.

Just breathe. Slowly.

Panic invaded her every pore, but she couldn’t afford to call for help. In a way, Nayeon felt like she deserved this.

Count to three, hold it in. Then breathe out.

It took over five minutes for her to regain her regular breathing. She opened her eyes once she was sure she wouldn’t faint, then swallowed hard. Getting up was going to be a chore. Nayeon turned her head to the big mirror, staring at her reflection.

She looked absolutely exhausted.

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?” She asked the mirror.

“Yes,” The reflection replied. “If they’re suffering, you deserve ten times that.”

  --

  The universe didn’t stop and waited for Jeongyeon to collect her thoughts and feelings after Nayeon left in the morning – she did still have an exam to do. Looking at the paper in front of her was difficult, especially because it was heavily loaded with text – of all subjects, it had to be Literature. Jeongyeon learned that it was really hard to concentrate on anything when the entire world was weighting down on her shoulders.

She should’ve mentioned the kiss. That was the only thing running through her mind the whole day.

Jeongyeon couldn’t understand why she’d even done it in the first place. There’d been nothing going on between them for years, and she thought they were past the whole drama.

They had history.

Backtrack.

In high school, Yoo Jeongyeon had always been kind of a jack of all trades: athletic, yet nerdy. She did well in sports, particularly basketball, but that didn’t mean her life revolved around it. Jeongyeon preferred to discuss movies, TV series, and occasionally, Japanese cartoons.

Unfortunately, her athletic life made it impossible for her to find people with tastes in common – for some reason, none of the girls in her team were interested in comics or Tarantino movies. So Jeongyeon had felt pretty much isolated for a good part of her high school years.

Then some girls a few grades lower showed up. Jeongyeon had heard them talking about Fullmetal Alchemist one day and couldn’t help but to join. They’d become friends immediately.

The way Nayeon fits into this whole story is a bit embarrassing now that Jeongyeon thinks about it.

The girl had showed up out of nowhere; quite literally. Jeongyeon had bumped into her in the middle of the cafeteria, then her instincts kicked in: she threw herself on the floor to break the girl’s fall.

It was poetic at the time – perhaps it’d been dumb.

The girl had gotten up quickly and asked if Jeongyeon was okay with such panic and concern in her voice, that it’d been sweet.

And maybe it was cliché, but Jeongyeon had fallen at first sight. Nayeon was beautiful.

She still is.

Nayeon and Jihyo joined their group of friends after that, perhaps with a sense of obligation at first, but soon they were having sleepovers like they’d known each other since birth. Finally getting to know Nayeon’s true personality, Jeongyeon just fell for her more. At some point in the middle of the semester, Jeongyeon confessed.

It turned out, Nayeon was also crushing on her. Then they got together.

It didn’t really last.

When they broke up, things had ended smoothly and without sour feelings on neither side. They still loved each other, enough to know that what they had wasn’t going to work, because of a simple reason: their love was scattered.

Nayeon and Jeongyeon cared for their friends more than they cared about each other individually. If it’d kept going, one of them would get hurt, and that was the last thing they wanted.

So, they’d decided to end things on a positive note. The group was shocked at the news, but accepted that it was the couple’s choice to make. Things were a bit awkward for a while, -- maybe Jeongyeon did want to kiss her once in a while, and maybe sometimes Nayeon stared at her with an intensity that they were both familiar with – but eventually everything came back to normal.

That was what Jeongyeon had thought, anyway. An inebriated Im Nayeon apparently had other ideas.

They had history.

Shaking her head, the athlete focused once more on her exam. It was pointless to think about this now.

After a few hours, the bell rang, and it was finally over.

Jeongyeon sighed as the other students got up to turn the papers in, and eventually did the same. Miss Sunmi smiled at her, remembering their extra class.

“You think you did well?”

“Hopefully,” Jeongyeon smiled back, nervously. “Help me out?”

“I’ll think about it.” The teacher was fun to be around. She patted her shoulder, and Jeongyeon chuckled, turning around to leave. At least one of her problems was solved.

“Hey, Jeong!” Someone yelled as soon as she set foot outside the classroom and she turned around, coming face to face with a friend from her Film Production class.

“Sup, Jae.”

“Here,” The boy simply handed her a heavy camera, breathless, and then its case. “The tripod is in the bag. There are a few spare lenses too, and you can get more memory cards back at the faculty office, if you need them.”

Jeongyeon stared at him with an eyebrow raised, but no answers came. Jae blinked back, then tilted his head. “What?”

“What’s this for?”

“What do you mean what’s it for?” He frowned. “For the panoramic shots for your short film assignment. You know how much better this camera is for that kind of thing, and I’m done with mine, so… I figured you could use it to add the final touches to yours.”

She almost let the expensive equipment fall. “Shit.”

Her freaking short film.

“…What?” Jae asked slowly.

“When’s this due?”

“Next week…?”

Jeongyeon gently placed the camera on the floor, then ran her hands through her hair. “Shit, fuck.”

Jae’s face became pale. “You… You’re joking, right? You told me you were writing the script three weeks ago!”

“I did! I just didn’t—” She buried her face in her hands, grunting. “The script is done, I just need to film the goddamn thing.”

“You didn’t film anything?!” He almost yelled, catching a few people’s attention. Calming down, he lowered his voice. “Jeongyeon, this thing’s worth half your grade.”

“I know!” She was honestly about to have a mental breakdown, but she had to get a grip. Taking a deep breath, Jeongyeon straightened her back, the logistics of this assignment floating through her head at a thousand miles per hour. “I’ll… I’ll manage. I have a week, right? I can film a few scenes in a week.”

“And edit it.”

“Yes, thank you for reminding me.”

She picked up the equipment again and Jae shook his head, sighing helplessly. “Do you need any help? I just need to edit mine, it shouldn’t take more than a couple of days.”

“Nah, I got this. Really.” It felt like another brick had been added to her pile of stressful and confusing problems, but she didn’t want to drag the poor boy with her. “Thank you for the camera, you saved my butt.”

“Albeit unknowingly,” He smiled gently. “I’ll see you. Really, call me if you need anything.”

“I will. Thanks, man.” They high-fived, and Jeongyeon left, exhaustion taking over her body. How could she have forgotten completely about filming an entire short film?

Oh, right. Drama.

She was lucky past-Jeongyeon was feeling productive and had finished the script already. Concentrating, she dug out the story inside her brain, trying to remember what exactly she needed to film in seven days.

She remembered naming her movie ‘Fragile Elegance’, and the idea was quite simple: lots of contrasting scenes, using soft materials to give the viewers an impression of the main character’s personality without having her say anything – it was going to be a silent movie, entirely based on the theme of a powerful fragility.

Jeongyeon just needed an actress.

And like thunder, the perfect person illuminated her mind. She placed the equipment back on the floor and grabbed her phone. She was going to call her, but froze, the guilt of her lie present once again. For some reason, she felt anxious about hearing her voice at that moment – she still needed some time to process everything. So, she texted.

[Jeongyeon, 11:33am]:

Hey! How are things?

I won’t bother you too much

Listen, could we meet after lunch? I need a huge favor

I promise not to force you if you don’t want to do it, I just wanted to ask

 It took almost an hour, but the reply came.

 [Mina Mina Minari, 12:20am]:

Okay.

Where?

  --

   Walking through the campus’ courtyard was one of Sana’s favorite hobbies. The place was huge, covered in flowers and trees where students could sit under and enjoy nature. Sana considered herself free-spirited and in touch with the environment around her, so she could almost always be found outside, studying to the sound of birds and feeling the grass under her bare feet.

There was one place, however, that was her favorite. On the very back of the field, there was a fountain, always working and fresh. Sana liked to sit by it, admiring the flowers and feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin.

That was where she took Dahyun.

“Watch out, the fountain malfunctions sometimes,” Sana warned her friend nonchalantly, hands behind her back. “It might spray some water on you.”

“You should be careful with your wrist, then.” Dahyun replied, squinting her eyes at the sunlight. Sana looked back at her with a smile, but didn’t say anything.

They walked around the fountain for a little bit, and Dahyun wondered if the girl had a plan, or if she was just breathing some fresh air. She chewed on her lip, aching to ask her about the weird mood between them lately, but too afraid to do so.

“Have you picked your major yet?” Sana asked after a while.

“Not yet,” Dahyun replied with a small sigh. She’d been undecided for a long time now, and the time to choose was approaching. “I’ll probably go to the Arts department with Chaengie, but it’s too hard to pick one thing… everything looks fun.”

Sana turned her body to her, now walking backwards. “You’re still the same as you were in high school.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’re always looking at the bright side of things,” Her smile was sincere. “Most of my friends on their first year were undecided because they thought everything was hard.”

Dahyun blinked as Sana turned around. “Well, yeah, but isn’t that what makes it fun? Having it easy would just be boring.”

That way of viewing the world – that was the first thing that made Sana fall in love with her. Then she fell for everything else, too. Her heart was screaming for her to say it out loud, with every possible word in the dictionary, just how much she admired Dahyun, but—

“You’re right.” Was all she replied, instead.

They stood in silence again and Dahyun felt the shift in the mood. Everything was so on edge.

She couldn’t understand what was happening.

“Say, which flower do you like the most?” Sana spoke up suddenly.

“Uhh… roses?” Dahyun blinked. “I don’t know much about flowers, really.”

“They’re so pretty, though…” Sana looked around, searching for something, then let out a content yelp when she found it. “Look, over here! This one suits you.”

She crouched on the flower field and picked up a daisy, white and small. Then she walked back to Dahyun, placing it behind her ear, gently. Dahyun averted her eyes and blushed, not really knowing how to react to the gesture. She felt Sana’s hand lingering on her hair for a second too long, but didn’t want to meet the girl’s stare – she was afraid she’d break if she did.

“Yep. It suits you.” Sana’s voice was heavy with something, but Dahyun wasn’t able to discern. She felt her heart sink at the thought – usually reading Sana wasn’t that hard.

“What flower do you like, then?” Dahyun asked, to keep the conversation going.

“Me?” Sana looked up thoughtfully, a silly and bright aura enveloping her like it usually did, but Dahyun could tell that it wasn’t honest. “There’s a flower called anemone. I like the purple ones.”

“Do they have it here?”

She turned around and searched for a bit. “Hmm… I can’t see it. It’s not a common flower, I think.”

Dahyun nodded awkwardly and they started walking again. Sana was always two steps ahead, never walking by her side, and Dahyun was bothered by it. Everything about this was off, and she felt like she was being crushed by an invisible pressure. Her easy and simple relationship with the person she cared for the most had suddenly turned into this hostile and unknown territory, and Dahyun had no idea what even prompted it.

She honestly wanted to cry.

A sudden wave of emotions rose up to her chest and she opened her mouth. “Sana—”

“I love this kind of weather!” Sana interrupted, stretching her arms. “No offense, but cloudy weather can bite me.”

Dahyun didn’t know how to reply.

“What have you been watching lately, Dahyunnie?” Another change of subject.

“I— Uh, I’ve not been watching anything.”

“Oh, let me add some things to your Netflix later. There’s this really good series…” Sana’s voice panned out as a flood of feelings came crashing down. Dahyun knew what Sana was doing – it was what she usually did whenever she was upset but didn’t want anyone to know about it.

Fitting the most topics you could manage in one single conversation? Sana had learned this from Dahyun.

She was tired.

“Sana, stop.”

The girl paused, turning around with a questioning look. “Yeah? Oh! We’ve been walking around for a while. Let’s sit down, there’s a bench next to the—”

“What is going on?”

Sana’s smile froze. “What do you mean?”

Dahyun stepped forward, trying to get into her personal space, but Sana took one step back. “This. This is what I mean. You’re avoiding me.”

“N-no, I’m not—”

“Then just… be still for a second!” Dahyun said louder, fists clenched by her side. “Let me get close to you, dammit!”

This time Sana’s grin dropped. She didn’t move again, and when Dahyun tried once more, she finally got her. Their bodies were close, and this was familiar, and the younger girl had missed it so much. She looked down at Sana’s broken wrist and took her bandaged hand, lifting it up gently. “Am I hurting you?”

“…No.” They were both murmuring.

“How long does it take? To heal.”

Everything had suddenly become tender, and Sana wanted to cup Dahyun’s chubby cheeks and feel her skin under her fingertips.

“Months. Lots of months,” She smiled, but it was forced. “But I keep breaking, so… who knows how long it’ll take.” Then she stopped. “It. I keep breaking it.”

Her slip up wasn’t missed.

Dahyun looked up and the distance between them was minimal. She felt Sana’s panic immediately, like the girl wanted to pull back, but didn’t want to hurt her at the same time. Dahyun just wanted to understand what had made her so scared of physical contact all of a sudden.

More specifically, hers.

“Well, I guess it doesn’t matter how long it takes.” She let go of Sana’s wrist and stepped back, a soft smile gracing her features. “I’ll wait for it to get better.”

Sana felt the tears prickling her eyes.

“And you know, even if it keeps breaking,” Dahyun could see Sana’s watery eyes. “There will always be people to change your bandages for you. Just… don’t try to do it alone.” Her smile turned playful. “You’re really clumsy.”

Sana let out a broken chuckle, but this time, it was finally sincere. She sniffed subtly, and suddenly wrapped her good arm around Dahyun, burying her face on the girl’s neck. Dahyun returned the hug, closing her eyes and smelling the familiar scent of this woman that she admired so much. Things weren’t back to normal yet, she knew, but perhaps this was a step on the right direction. Maybe Sana would be willing to open up soon.

“What do you mean you’ll wait for it to get better?” Sana whispered against her skin, her voice muffled. “What do you wanna do with my wrist, Kim Dahyunnie?”

Dahyun laughed really loudly at that, but answered anyway. “Maybe I just miss holding your hand.”

Sana pulled back. “I have another hand.”

Dahyun looked at her fondly, smiling with her eyes. “Oh, yeah. Forgot about that.”

The way Sana’s eyes were shining made every bone in Dahyun’s body melt. Without another word, Sana let her good hand slide down through Dahyun’s arm, making her skin tingle in the process, then interlocked their fingers.

Why did I want to hurt her so badly?

They walked back to the main building like this. Dahyun felt the happiest she’d been in ages.

There was a reason.

As soon as they stepped inside, Sana felt the stares of people on her back.

Oh.

People she’d slept with, people she’d made out with – she couldn’t run away from them. Everyone on campus knew her reputation.

That’s right.

And for them, Dahyun was just her prey for the week.

I’m still a filthy slut.

She let go of her hand.

If I hurt her enough, maybe she’ll finally stay away from me.

“Dahyunnie, I need to go. Thank you for hanging out with me today.” Her walls were back up.

Dahyun blinked, surprised. “Oh… alright. Um, I’ll see you later?”

“Of course.” Liar. “I’ll let you know when I’m free.” Liar.

And without another word, Sana left.

Self-hatred, Sana realized, was more powerful than love.